#and i like that about life even though i’m not necessary proud of myself right now …

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 31 - The bathroom equation

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 30 -- Part 32

Summary: The guys (and girls) take to the group chats to discuss some serious issues

Warnings: Post contains generalizations. Please don't murder me for that.

Word count: Exactly 3k!!!!

**A/N: **SO! The guys joined me in the shower yesterday (not as sexy as it sounds, unfortunately) and as @geralts-yenn and I had had a discussion about what the house groupchat would look like (including very necessary shadow-group with just the girls, and a group chat with everyone who regularly spends time at that house...) this is what I came up with.

[The guys' chat is 179CS🏡, the girls are 179CS🧠🧠, and the everyone-group is 179CS Full🏡]

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69 @livisss @sillyrabbit81

@ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos @thelastsock @wa-ni

@proud-aroace-beastie @totalwool

Mike:

View this post on Instagram

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Sherlock: Great, she’s asking me what I’m laughing at.

August: If you value your life, don’t show her.

Sherlock: And if she steals his phone and sees it anyway? Xoxo Elena

Marshall: Paramedics or police?

Charles: Both.

August: Both.

Leon: Both.

Marshall: 👍🏻

Sherlock: They’ll never get here in time 😈

Mike: Nice knowing you, buddy ❤️

Elena: Dani, get your man in line.

Dani: What he do?

Elena: [video]

Ange: I mean…

Sol: He’s not… wrong…

Dani: He sent me that 🙊

Lexi: Is he okay?

Dani: Was he okay to begin with? 😂

Ange: Not that we know of…

Sy: Speaking of showers… We need rules.

Mike: Eh, why?

Sy: Because I was late for my date yesterday.

August: Which is our problem… how?

Leon: It’s not.

Charles: 👆🏻

Sy: In a house shared by eight guys there’s no excuse for a line for the bathroom!

Mike: Some of us have ✨girlfriends✨

Mike: You should try it sometime

Sy: 🦆🫵🏻 ❤️

Mike: Aww ❤️

Charles: He has a point, though.

Charles: Don’t appreciate getting yelled at for taking a shit in my own damn bathroom.

August: Not to mention the hair.

Sherlock: I don’t see the problem there? Just ask them to clean the drain when they’re done?

Leon: Spoken like a man who has never once in his life watched a woman clean a shower drain…

August: Good luck and farewell, Holmes

Sherlock: ?

Mike: Tears will be cried. Drains will be cleaned — by you.

Mike: Murder may be committed.

Sherlock: Surely, it can’t be that bad?

Geralt: No, he pretty much nailed it.

August: As much as I hate to admit it, the man is right.

Sy: So. New rules?

Leon: House meeting?

Mike: Sure. We’re all home, right?

Sy: Nope.

Mike: What? Why?

Sy: … sometimes when a date goes well, you end up staying over.

Sy: Are there other questions you need answered, bud?

Mike: I think I’m good…

Charles: Ladies, enough with the gossip

Leon: Right. Some of us have work to do.

Charles: Exactly

Sherlock: I highly doubt he was referring to you, Brandon.

Mike: Oooh, mad shade!!! xoxo Dani

Charles: Thanks. Sy, the complaint?

Sy: I had to wait in line to take a shower because the bathrooms were overrun by women.

Leon: Noted. The proposal?

Sy: I’m just pointing out the problem. Someone smarter than me can worry about the solution 🤷🏻‍♂️

Sherlock: Am I right to assume asking the girls to just… spend less time in the bathroom would result in murder, as well?

Sherlock: Never mind, Elena is nodding violently next to me right now.

Mike: What do you want us to do? Assign all the girls to one bathroom?

August: That might work, actually.

Leon: Doesn’t sound like a terrible idea.

Charles: Yes?

Mike: Wow, the one time I have a good idea, I don’t even realize it’s a good idea…

Mike: Wait, no.

Mike: I’m not permanently sharing a bathroom with seven of you because we sometimes have girls over.

August: Kid has a point.

Mike: I’m on a roll today! 😎

Sherlock: That leaves us with the question of how many women would have to be present to necessitate giving them their own bathroom, correct?

Marshall: If you desperately want to make it sound like math, then yes.

Sherlock: Not math. Logic.

Sherlock: And I find myself compelled to point out that I understand and enjoy logic.

August: Dealing with women is an aggravating experience, then, isn’t it?

Sherlock: Absolutely mystifying. But I’ve found that thus far the benefits outweigh the costs.

Mike: You know, for you… That’s actually kinda sweet 😂

Marshall: Romantic 👍🏻

Leon: Don’t tell her that…

Charles: Guys, seriously!

August: Right. Sol and Ange together never caused any problems.

Sherlock: Neither have any… liaisons of a fleeting nature

Mike: Hookups. You mean hookups.

Sherlock: You couldn’t pay me to say that.

Charles: Moot point. The average walk of shame happens before the shower.

Leon: It’s not like they stay for breakfast…

Leon: Beat me to it 😂🤜🏻

Charles: 🤛🏻

Geralt: The both of you are unbearable.

Geralt: August is right.

August: But…

Geralt: Sol and Ange don’t cause problems because Sol doesn’t take forever in the shower.

August: Right. But Angel is a nightmare, and so is Elena. Those two alone are enough to cause traffic.

Sherlock: Correct me if I’m wrong, but ‘Elena and Anjelica together, or either of those combined with any two others, or neither of them but a minimum of three others’ sounds like the kind of rule that will ensure we won’t even need it for the foreseeable future.

Sy: It also gives me a headache.

Mike: I don’t think I even understood enough of it to get a headache…

Sherlock: Minimum of 3, then ask me and Angie to not occupy both bathrooms at the same time. 🙄🙄🙄 Problem solved. You’re all still in trouble for even talking about this ❤️❤️❤️

Ange: They’re giving us what now???

Elena: Bathroom rules…

Dani: Tell me you’re kidding 🙃🙃

Elena: Dead fucking serious 🙄

Sol: Why?

Elena: Apparently 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Elena: We caused a traffic jam last night and made Sy late for his date???

Elena: Fairly sure Alicia didn’t mind because he’s still over there 🙄🙄🙄

Ange: What are the rules?

Elena: I don’t know. I’m glaring at Sherlock from a distance now.

Elena: I’m pleased to report he looks terrified every time I do 😈😈

Elena: They’re considering a girls’ bathroom.

Ange: I’m considering permanent occupation of all bathrooms.

Elena: Your boy called us both nightmares, by the way 😇😇

Elena: Apparently we take too long to shower, idk

Sol: You both take your time, sure…

Elena: Okay, fine. But he doesn’t have to point that out 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Ange: Funeral invitations to follow…

Ange: No but seriously

Ange: He thinks I take too long in the shower?

Ange: Fine!

Ange: I’ll take shorter showers!

Dani: He really said that? 💀

Ange: Let’s see how he feels about that in a week or two.

Ange: Enjoy flossing, August 🙃🙄

Dani: 👀👀 [the agonizing scream you just heard was brought to you by me spitting my drink over Mike’s keyboard]

Lexi: 🙊 Mike and keyboard both okay?

Dani: Keyboard fine, Mike hyperventilating. He’ll be alright, back to you Ange.

Ange: I might have to rescind this attitude…

Ange: As much as I want to get back at him for this, I don’t want him to run…

Sol: You really think he’d care? Ange… he loves you…

Ange: Not that much…

Lexi: Girl, please?? Have you seen the way that man looks at you?

Ange: … He’s never seen me, like… untweezed and unshaved and whatever

Dani: Never?

Ange: Never ever ever.

Sol: 👀👀

Sol: But why?? I only shave when I feel like it – which is almost never – and Geralt has never said anything??

Ange: Girl, you’re a blonde 👀👀

Ange: I don’t wax this stache, 2 weeks from now you’ll be confusing me for August. I swear.

Lexi: Okay there’s literally no way that’s true.

Dani: And even if it was, he’d still love you.

Ange: Yeah but I’m not about to find out, thanks.

Lexi: It’s your body, obviously

Elena: Do what feels comfortable

Dani: But if you do ever miss a day and he does say something nasty…

Elena: I’ll grab the shovels 😇😇

Leon: Ladies and gentlemen — mostly ladies. A little PSA regarding an update in the house rules at 179th Crescent Street. It was recently brought to my/our attention that the addition of a number of regular overnight guests has created a somewhat unmanageable situation in the realm of bathroom use. Therefore, the new policy is as follows: When three or more of the girlfriends are staying over, the upstairs bathroom is all yours! Management is currently unavailable for negotiation.

Charles: TLDR: take your long-ass showers on the second floor. Please.

Ange: This message was deleted.

August: I saw that.

Elena: Oh, I’ll say it with my chest

Elena: You all suck.

Sherlock: No…

Mike: Whatever you do, man, don’t finish that thought 😂

Sherlock: I think they got the message regardless.

Ange: Oh, we got it alright…

Dani: You’re lucky you’re cute, Sherlock 🙄

Mike: Hey!

Lexi: I’m so sorry to say this but… Over my cold, dead body am I walking up a flight of stairs in the middle of the night to pee.

Charles: @Leon Told you the ‘not up for negotiation’ thing wasn’t going to work.

Leon: It was worth a try.

Geralt: We’re not banning anyone from the house for using the ‘wrong’ bathroom

Sol: Then why the pointless rule?

Sy: Because yesterday BOTH bathrooms were occupied for well over two hours!!!

Sy: Seriously, what do you do in there?

Mike: Elaborate satanic rituals?

Sol: Occasionally.

Ange: Let’s see… Do we actually enlighten them?

Mike: Please do, I’m curious now…

Charles: I know what happens when I’m also in the shower… 😏

Ange removed Charles

Ange: Any other takers?

August: Angel…

Ange: Don’t tell me I’m overreacting!

August: I didn’t say a word 😑

Ange added Charles

Ange: Behave.

Charles: 🤐

Elena: Good boy.

Leon: Do you say that to Sherlock, too? 😏

Ange removed Leon

Marshall: Jesus, Ange…

Ange: Ugh, fine.

Ange added Leon

Mike: Seriously, girls… Other than summoning the occasional demon — what are you doing in there?

Sol: I’m gonna let Elena and Angie handle this one…

Ange: Alright. So first I check if I have all 4059834 items I’m going to need. Then at some point you’ll have to get naked, unfortunately…

Dani: Look at everything you hate about yourself for a solid 5 minutes until you’re nice and depressed

Elena: Didn’t come here to be called out like this, but thanks 🙄🙄

Sol: Poke your boobs and watch them jiggle because it’s funny until you’re less depressed

Mike: Getting jealous…

Ange: Then you turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm up

Lexi: To those ungodly temperatures from the pits of hell, you know? 👀👀

Mike: I’m not apologizing for that video, just so you know.

Lexi: That’s actually useful time to make sure you find the right playlist ✨✨

Sy: YOU DON’T NEED A PLAYLIST FOR A SHOWER

Lexi: Hard disagree

Elena: Yes, we do.

Sol: … Am I supposed to listen to my own thoughts in the shower?

Ange: I’d never be able to suppress my homicidal tendencies ever again, holy shit…

Dani: Then we actually get in the shower and warm up because the bathroom is cold, just like our souls.

Marshall: I’m genuinely learning more than I’ve ever wanted to know…

Mike: This is already taking longer than my whole entire shower…

Ange: And we’re not even close to being done.

Elena: @Ange Especially us…

Leon: Okay, fine, I’ll bite… Why is it different for the two of you?

Sol: Because they have curls?

Charles: That makes a difference?

Sy: So?

Mike: Why does THAT matter?

Marshall: Is that… important??

Elena: You’re all so clueless, it’s almost cute 🥺

Ange: @Marshall you actually might want to pay attention to this…

Ange: Alright. By the time I’m warm, my hair is usually wet all the way through

Ange: Massively heavy, by the way.

Ange: It’s hair-washing time! Which, idk about @Elena, but I have to do this in at least 4 sections if I don’t want to miss half of it.

Elena: I can get by with 2, but 4 is better.

Elena: Of course, 9/10 times I fucking forgot to section it before getting in the shower.

Ange: Obviously. So now you’re wrangling your wet hair into submission

Elena: Which is damn near impossible.

Ange: Exactly. But when that’s finally done, you can get to washing it.

Elena: And rinsing it until there’s absolutely no way there’s still any shampoo left.

Ange: Which takes a long ass time, BTW.

Ange: Then it’s ✨deep conditioner✨ time!!! Like… it’s always deepco time. I don’t even use regular conditioner anymore because my hair thinks it’s pointless. So like. That.

Elena: Mood.

Ange: And that stuff needs to sit in your hair for like 15-30 minutes

Mike: That’s like… 3 whole showers…

Charles: I don’t even spend this kind of time on my schoolwork 👀

Geralt: That’s not something to be proud of.

Sherlock: Imagine what you could do if you did.

Ange: Either way, it’s okay, because next… We exfoliate.

August: For those who haven’t been keeping count, we’re on step 12 or something. Jesus.

Charles: @Leon what the damn hell does our water bill look like?

Sol: Pay attention! Exfoliate! Then shave. Which, when you’re 6 feet tall in the showers here… damn near impossible, by the way.

Elena: (Cut yourself at least twice no matter how long you’ve been doing it…)

Lexi: Ohh! Cubicle yoga while holding a razor!!!

Dani: And while wet and slippery…

Ange: We’re superhuman 💃🏻

Sy: You’re nuts is what you are. All of you!

Dani: Anyway, when we reach baby dolphin status…

Dani: Which doesn’t happen until we’ve checked at least three times if we haven’t missed any spots…

Dani: I personally squeeze in brushing my teeth and skincare before rinsing my conditioner.

Elena: ���🏻

Ange: Same! If I’m paying like 30 dollars for a hair mask that’ll barely last me two weeks, I’m gonna at least spend some time with it 👀✨

Sol: So that’s teeth and face wash in the shower. Then rinse that conditioner.

Ange: Which — again — takes a while if you have curly and/or a lot of hair.

Ange: Also, before I rinse my hair, I spend an ungodly amount of time detangling it with my fingers, which I have to do while the mask/conditioner is in. So…

Marshall: And at this point you’re finally nearly done, right?

Sherlock: … please, for the love of God, let it almost be over!

Ange: Oh, my precious little babies ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lexi: At this point we’re slowly considering getting out of the shower, yes.

Dani: But the rest of the bathroom is cold, so we take our time gathering the courage to get out.

Leon: 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Sherlock: The entire bathroom is hot enough to steam salmon at this point!

Mike: And yet, they manage to emerge from Mordor absolutely freezing…

Sol: When we do finally manage to make it out, we wrap ourselves in the biggest towel we can find…

Ange: By the way, ladies, you can thank me and Sol for the presence of the big towels in this house.

Sol: Oh GOD I remember the first shower I ever took here.

Geralt: The towels were fine.

Sol: …………. Geralt, I love and respect you, but you’re wrong and also stupid. ❤️

Ange: You’ll pay for that…

Sol: Looking forward to it 😈😈

Mike: Please continue…

Dani: We’re left with the rest of our skincare. So; toner, 1-3 serums, moisturizer. Sunscreen or oil, for me, depending on the time of day.

Ange: But the mirror is fogged up from the shower, so you have to deal with that…

Leon: YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR FACE IS, DON’T YOU?

Ange: Yes, but it’s also very pretty so I wanna look at it. Thanks.

Lexi: How can I meticulously study all the imperfections in my skin if I can’t see my face???

Dani: Exactly! (To both of those things, simultaneously)

Dani: So, after that, it’s time to moisturize everything you’ve exfoliated and/or shaved.

Elena: Which is… pretty much everything.

Sol: Cue deep sigh because this is where you find out you actually did miss a spot somewhere.

Ange: And then it’s back to the hair for the curly girls!

Elena: Leave in ❤️❤️❤️

Marshall: What?

Sy: ??

Mike: Wut?

Ange: It’s like conditioner, but you don’t rinse it out.

Sherlock: @Elena the stuff that smells good?

Elena: Yes 😂😂😂

Dani: Which reminds me; @Elena, is that your Quench in the bathroom or mine? I can’t remember…

Elena: Oh, God, me neither…

August: Settle this in the shadow group, ladies.

Lexi: You know about that, huh? 😂

Dani: Shit, they figured it out…

Sol: Not surprised… They’re not completely clueless…

Ange: Just mostly…

August: Thanks. Enough of that.

Ange: Okay daddy 🥺❤️❤️

August: 🙄

Ange: Anyway. After the leave-in and maybe two or three other products, I wrap my hair up in my hair-towel — or hair-tshirt.

Charles: Another towel? Why in the fuck?

Ange: Boys. I understand that you don’t give a fuck about this, but…

Ange: Regular towels are actually not good for your hair.

Elena: 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

Lexi: Besides… You can’t dry long hair and your body with 1 towel…

Sol: What she said.

Sol: What they both said, actually.

Leon: Are we finally at the end of all of this?

Leon: I’ve literally never been more glad to not have a girlfriend, jesus fucking christ…

Dani: Yeah, pretty much… You get dressed, dreading the cold of the hallway, and then we quickly go find a boy to snuggle up to who can then tell us we smell nice and are very soft, so we can convince ourselves we didn’t just spend an unholy amount of time doing all of that for absolutely nothing.

August: All of this is… insane.

Ange: Hey! I can stop doing half of this, if you think it’s so unnecessary 🙄🙄

Elena: Now that I think about it… It wouldn’t even save any time, because you still need to let the conditioner sit, so…

Charles: Right, ladies, this was very interesting…

Charles: I’m going to take a shower now.

Charles: Talk to you in about… 10 minutes 🙄

Sy: Remind me to never ask any of you any questions literally ever again…

[stellaluna33]

How about that time when ASP bragged that Rory only had her first time when she was 19/20 or something, wasn’t it weird that she was so proud of that, especially when she “made” her have such a lousy first time, married man and all?

Why was Rory being a virgin until “late” that groundbreaking for ASP, I wonder?

If I’m not mistaken she was shading other teen shows that had their protagonists/leading ladies having their first times earlier, and idk once again it just looks like she digs shaming girls for having sex.

Personally, I used to love that Rory was still a virgin until college bc I could relate to her even more because of that, haha, I just got kinda disappointed that Amy seemed to see it as some sort of quality?

Sorry, English is not my first language so idk if I’m expressing myself very well, but yeah I’m curious to o know more opinions about this.

The way I understand it, Amy was under a lot of pressure from the network to make Rory "sexier." But why should a teenage girl character HAVE TO have sex to be a worthwhile or relatable character? She shouldn't! But that kind of mindset was what ASP was pushing back against, and maybe it's an unpopular opinion, but I actually really appreciated that. What you have to understand is that when I grew up watching teen media from the 80s and 90s (and going into the early 2000s), there was persistent messaging that still being a "virgin" by the time you graduated from highschool was kind of embarrassing. Losing your virginity was widely viewed as some sort of necessary "milestone" instead of a very personal and optional choice. (Especially for boys, but there was a lot of that for girls in TV and movies also) It wasn't until right around the turn of the millennium that I remember starting to see movies/shows that QUESTIONED that idea, that started asking well, WHY, though? When there started occasionally being characters who expressed that they shouldn't HAVE to have sex just to fit in. That it should be a PERSONAL choice. And like, I'm not a historical scholar- I haven't done a STUDY of whether this is accurate or not, but this is what it FELT LIKE to me as a teenager. And it FELT LIKE Rory was a really refreshing character for nerdy girls like me and my friends- that it was OKAY if you hadn't had sex yet. It was OKAY for a teenage girl to be focused more on academic or career aspirations rather than "losing her V-card," or that maybe she just doesn't feel ready yet, and it doesn't make her a "loser" or a "prude!" Like, that felt like SUCH a rare thing! ASP wanted to write a character like that, partly because it hadn't been done much, and she got a lot of pushback from the Network about it (which is kind of gross?). And I just... don't think that necessarily means that she was "slut shaming" anyone else.

I confess to being surprised when I started seeing people on here saying that Gilmore Girls had a "negative" view of sex. (This got long, sorry!)

Like, Lorelai has an active sex life with a variety of different partners over the course of the series, and that seems to be portrayed as normal and morally neutral. Sookie has an active and healthy sex life. When Rory is sleeping with Logan in college, the narrative seems to paint Richard and Emily (and the unfortunate Reverend they brought in) as ridiculous and controlling for objecting. Paris and Doyle have an active and enthusiastic sex life, and the narrative doesn't seem to judge them for it... I do admit that there does seem to be a pattern of unfortunate "first times" for the younger characters, but I wonder if that's more about Amy's addiction to "drama" than her views on sex. About Paris specifically, I always interpreted her paranoia about being "punished" for having sex as being commentary about how SOCIETY judges girls for having sex (because Reality for girls was a lot different from the pop culture fantasy norms). Gilmore Girls just wasn't interested in portraying some kind of "ideal world." They were just "putting these guys in Situations." And I mean... it's a show largely about generational trauma stemming from a teenage pregnancy! The characters are going to have some complicated and probably even unhealthy feelings about sex! And can I be honest for a minute? Much like attitudes towards our bodies, I'm honestly a proponent of what I'm going to call "sex neutrality." Because, yeah, sex is supposed to be fun and feel good and even be beautiful... And ideally it is! But sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's bad or painful or awkward or emotionally messy or damaging or degrading. Are we supposed to pretend that doesn't happen? Because it does. Are TV characters just not supposed to acknowledge that side of it? I don't know. I don't think Gilmore Girls is a perfect show. I don't agree with everything ASP thinks or everything the characters do. But I do think sometimes viewers want to see some kind of "message" where there just isn't one. Anyway, this is just my opinion, and I may be wrong about one or several things! 😆

[mycatsaidwhat]

things i’ve heard english majors say pt. 17

-not capitalizing I’s in poetry was a moment in tumblr history but that moment is gone and we don’t have to do that anymore 

-have you ever killed off a main character in any of your stories?

Like physically?

-I’m almost done with this stupid discussion post and then I’m gonna go for a stupid walk before I make any more stupid decisions about my stupid life

-I read over 55 poems for the lit mag and I read 46 pages of an 18th century diary for my American revolution class and yet the most productive thing I’ve done today is adding “Scarborough” to my list of name for future pets

-what’s my specialty? Prose-poetry nonfiction vignettes about the generation z experience 

What the fuck? 

-go to class, just don’t run into a guy who you ask to be the father of your children on the way there 

-we’re running on poet time, so the event is gonna go late for sure

-killing off a main character is so original that it’s unoriginal. Living people can make you cry too, John Green and Suzzanne Collins and me

-I’m all concept, no practicality

-someone pry the word slay from my cold dead hands

-I don’t know why I like poems that are, like, gross

-not to be a prude but I would have liked the poem more if it was in a more traditional format

-most shitty poetry of this era can be traced back to the grip that milk and honey had on us for a good year there

-this piece looks like it was mauled by a thesaurus

-don’t look at me using slash marks in a poem it’s a stylist choice and it isn’t cliche yet

-I can hardly keep living at all, in any condition

-I’ve been at college for two and a half years, I know how to bullshit for 10 pages

-I changed what I was going to read six or seven times since we started this open mic–

*deafening* MOOD

-ugh, is it really necessary to submit portfolios for job positions with literary magazines? 

Everyone: YES

-yeah, Buzzfeed used to be into deep long-form journalism. And now it’s not. 

-hey, there’s no mirrors in your apartment

Well duh 

-honey, I’m an English major with minors in political science and American studies, critiquing the American Dream is what I do 

-English majors love to read right that’s what we all say even though we don’t 

-I should really go get a green-colored juice so I eat a vegetable 

-the idea of a very hungry spider patrolling our house is terrifying but also like. Kind of on brand for us

-I titled my creative nonfiction collection “The Hauntings and Homelands of One-Cent Treasures” and I need you to be proud of me that I came up with a title at all

That’s literally so sexy 

-if you tell the teacher that it’s my turn to talk, I will kill myself in front of you

Don’t do that, then I’d have to write a poem about you

You’re welcome

-don’t you get free tuition if your roommate kills themselves?

Is that written down somewhere?

-are we all just unstable then?

We’re creative writing majors, there’s some sort of preamble there to not be okay

-an undergrad never asks for permission. We walk into rooms and say we should be here

[onthewaytosomewhere]

"... and that's when there was no going back." For firstprince plz!

ok this one got written in between dancing in the street (literally) cuz once i thought of it i couldn't get out of it's grip

so Nico luv i bring to you Henry spilling all his secrets (well at leat one big one) in a live(?) interview so he can get alex back post the lake house and b4 alex would have made his mad-dash for the castle

hope ya like :)

It has been two days since he left the lake house in Texas, and Henry is in the middle of yet another interview, pitching yet another thing the crown has forced him to do when he gets one of those questions he always gets. It’s always either some variation of “Is there anyone special in your life?” or “And when will you be doing your stint in the military, like your brother?” He honestly would not put it past his Gran to force the questions to be asked. It is in that moment that he decides he’s done with this-he’s done being someone he’s not just to please someone who, if he’s honest, has never cared about what he wants. So when the reporter asks, “Prince Henry, is there any special lady in your life?” He turns to her and smiles, “Actually, there is someone special, and I messed things up with him quite spectacularly, and if he’s listening, I hope he’ll give me another chance.” Since he’s already reached the point where there is no going back, he continues, “Even though I ran when he tried to tell me how he felt, I hope he’ll hear me when I say ‘I love you’ and I’m coming to you just as soon as I finish this interview.” He takes extra care to stress every male pronoun he uses and waits as the reporter and others in the room process what he just said. “Um …” “You don’t need to ask. I’ll answer it; I’ve been waiting too long to say it. I’m gay, and I’m in love with a man. I want there to be no confusion as I say that I have never been interested in any of the women you have all snapped pictures of me with as more than friends. Unfortunately, as a prince, I have been told certain things are expected of me, and until now, I have let that hold me back from being me. I hope you all will allow me a bit of privacy as I work on being myself.” He pauses once again, letting his words sink in. Before the reporter can ask any sort of intrusive follow-up question, he continues, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to cut this interview short. See, I have a flight to catch and need to figure out where that flight needs to land.” He gets up to leave, thanking the reporter and apologizing for the abrupt end to the interview. On his way out of the room, he opens a text to June on his phone and simply writes, ‘Can you please tell me where he is?’ He gets a text back almost instantaneously telling him Alex is still at the lake house. Then another telling him if he fucks this up again he’s not going to like the consequences. He is met by Shaan, who left the interview toward the end, and Shaan nods, “The plane is ready to take you back to Texas, sir. I arranged for a bag to be packed for you to meet us there. Unless you will need me, I am planning to stay here. Maybe run a little interference as necessary; give you some time to do what you intend to do.” “Thank you, Shaan. I appreciate that.” Henry’s on the plane heading to Texas, a long flight in front of him. When he checks his phone again, he sees a series of text messages from Bea, most of which contain joyful emojis. Surprisingly, there is a text from his mother that simply says, ‘I’m proud of you, Hen,” and while that is unexpected, he’s not sure now is the time to unpack how he feels about that message. Perhaps even more surprising is a text from Pip that is simply a heart emoji; he isn’t sure he realized Philp knew how to send emojis, but that is another text he’ll decipher later. Right now, he needs to figure out what he will say to Alex when he gets to him, providing, of course, he’ll even listen to him. He’s hoping, with every fiber of his being, Alex will talk to him, and he didn’t just blow up his life on British television, with no chance of reconciliation with the man he loves—the man he’s loved for longer than he wants to admit since he’s being honest.

this can also be found on ao3 if you'd rather, they'll all be there as they get written

[queenimmadolla]

I know we have never met but I want to say that I’m so proud of you! Sometimes having an escape whether it be writing or for me, reading it can save lives. Having an escape is important and does help to cope sometimes. I’m so happy you’re in a better place and please don’t feel pressure to write if you don’t want too! Live your life! And I’ll be here whenever you choose to write next! ❤️

I’m smiling so hard right now, very teary but a good teary! Thank you so much. I know I complain about this place (and relish in what it used to be but I think most came see why I go back to that wonderful summer) but I really did and still do have a love for it.

It sparked a lot of things in me, I NEVER used to write this much, never even thought i could really, and it was such an outlet. If i could have provided anyone a fraction of what I got from writing, with my writing, then I am so satisfied with the time i spent here. I can’t ever give Eddie up, though. Even when i leave tumblr one day, i can’t really leave Eddie. My relationship with his character is just healthier now. Before, I would literally not eat, or eat very poorly (I have Crohn’s so I was always triggering flares), avoid going out into the world more than necessary, ruin my sleep schedule, and just generally isolate myself. All so I could have more time to write when I wasn’t working myself to death, just wanted to lose myself in him and Hawkins. Showers were taken at odd hours and not even remotely enjoyed, friends were ignored, it was just me, my google docs, and Eddie.

But it kept me alive during a very hard time in my life when I didn’t want to be, so I have zero regrets. It’s crazy how comfort characters can do that, cause he kept me going for so long and then that damn Lisa Frankenstein movie brought me back to life when it almost stopped being enough and now I live more so in the real world. And I’m taking better care of myself, making time for real world things, which sadly leaves me with a small chunk of time to write. I haven’t lost the passion entirely, just lost some time to feel all that passion because i have a fuck ton of WIPs and like maybe 2-3 (4 if I’m lucky) hours to write a day and like half of that time is spent trying to figure out what fic/idea I’m gonna work on and how to word somebody’s body movement in a paragraph or something, lol.

It’s nice to rejoin the world, just bittersweet to acknowledge I can’t drop as much as before now that I’ve reclaimed my hot girl lifestyle. That being said, i can’t wait until my next drop is ready. I’ve been so tempted to just rage post something as is and go since I’ve been getting stuck and teetering on decisions, but they have to be just freaking right for you guys, and i know you’re gonna love it. Sorry about yapping, I’m also high and feeling good about a lot of stuff.

Hope all is well in your corner of the world 🩷

[dietcherrycolaghostgirl]

🎀 Life update split into little paragraphs (10) to make it easier to read 🎀

I am doing really well, barely eaten over the past week, yesterday I had to eat normally to pretend to my mum that I’m fine and I purged a lot thankfully (I’m getting pretty good at it now) and today I had low cal fibre bars to push down anything that’s left over.

Then I had a chew and spit binge, because I need to pretend I actually ate stuff so yeah I had to do some cooking but I’m actually still doing good because other than the low cal fibre bars I haven’t actually eaten anything else.

I have the rest of today then 3 more days to fast and maybe chew and spit some more but I also have a lot of studying I need to do because I have a deadline on Monday then another on Wednesday. Man, this whole ed thing makes you have to plan things and I’m so disorganised and I’m super bad for procrastinating.

The one bad thing is I picked my skin pretty badly yesterday so it’s all red and blotchy and bad but it’s ok I can deal with it, I will buy a face mask later.

Right now I’m gonna clean the entire house (get my steps up) then go get my face mask, then come back and do some work. My grandparents are also supposed to be dropping food here but I have no idea when, I also need to work out what I’m gonna do with it. Tomorrow I’ll get up at 4am to study because I find that works well. I need to stop having so much black tea and coffee because it’s making my teeth yellow too.

Sorry that’s a lot of updates in one go but I’ve been drowning in brain fog recently, for obvious reasons.

Feelings:

I can feel and see my ribs and hip bones and my shoulders are bony and my legs look thinner and I weigh the same as I did at like 14 before puberty so I’m pretty happy about it.

I hAte that I had to eat yesterday but it’s a small sacrifice if I consider that if I was found out I’d be forced into recovery. I’m annoyed at myself for eating four 78 kcal birthday cake fibre bars today but that’s 312 kcals that will go straight through me and later I will do 6000 steps which is 300 kcals to make up for it and an extra workout later this evening. Also since I won’t eat for the next three days the fibre will be necessary, especially to get rid of yesterday’s leftovers (bread hurts to purge ok) I mean that’s not much considering extreme hunger, it could have been a lot worse (it almost was hence the zero kcal chew and spit ‘binge’), besides it’s probably good to have a metabolism day to speed up the weight loss :)

I’m proud of myself because I normally binge when I’m with my mum but I turned down some of her suggestions (like getting fries) and I didn’t overeat (by a normal person standard) and while it hurt my stomach so bad because it’s probably smaller by now, it meant I wasn’t suspected and I’m ok now to ⭐️ve for 3 days. Though I do wish I had lied and said I already ate lunch, I didn’t think of lying at the time but it’s ok I’ll remember next time.

Sorry for rambling but thank you for reading this far and I’ll keep ⭐️ving and updating and all that good stuff. Love ya byeeeee 💖💖🎀

[aplaceforthesoul]

hi, i’ve tried to write this a few times before and i’m never able to get it to a point where i feel comfortable with someone reading and evaluating it. but basically…. i am a high school senior and i am concerned about the importance and closeness level of a relationship between myself and a young teacher at my school. i am 16 and transmasculine, he is male in his 20s and pretty new to teaching, we kind of feel more like peers than members of a hierarchy even though he has taught multiple of my classes before. and i have recently become a TA for his class which further blurs that line because i am kind of on the authority figure side of things as far as any class hierarchy goes. so anyway:

basically, i have a bad home life, my dad is abusive constantly to my mother and incidentally to myself and my sisters; i don’t tend to feel particularly safe at home and this teacher has known about this since the middle of last year. since then, i have been invited to stay in his classroom anytime he’s in the building (including many hours after school for days on end, but also before school and a few times during my other classes with him excusing my absence, i usually try to make myself useful and set things up for class but often times just sit and talk, or we do our own things quietly in tandem) and he’s kind of been a safe place to go to talk about my life, get advice, and go when i’m really struggling. he’s also just a good friend and a fun person to talk to, and he’s in charge of the club that i’m a member of so even when i don’t have crazy scary things going on and need a place to be we tend to have interaction in a regular school context too once weekly. without the kindness and friendship of this teacher i would not have made it through the past few months as everything has fallen apart further at home, i ran away for a couple weeks, things have really just been unpredictable and scary and i’ve relied on him as a resource a lot including to help excuse me from other classes or help me figure out how to lie to my parents in contexts where it’s necessary.

anyway, i’m just a little nervous that i’m starting to care too much in the wrong way, and that the bounds of a professional relationship really strongly don’t exist in this instance - all my friends kind of passively acknowledge the fact that me and this one teacher have like zero boundaries as far as when i can be there and what we can talk about and they’re all kind of quietly awkward about it. and it’s not like anything is actually inappropriate or that he has ill intent and that’s not what i’m here to ask about at all, please don’t read this as that kind of a question the problem here is my own boundaries. the problem is that he’s like. a really important person to me, but that we interact in such a context with so many different dynamics and reasonings going on that you can’t really view it as a normal friendship, or mentor relationship, or really any normal type of relationship, and then also am afraid of what will happen when i graduate and we don’t see each other anymore, because with the nature of our friendship being school-centric and with an age difference and power difference we aren’t really set up to still know each other a year from now. and i’m not too proud to admit but that i do also have some rather unrealistic fantasies in which he somehow breaks me out of this shell and helps me become a carefree adult and maybe a bit of a crush. i would say it’s pretty one sided but so my problem is just kind of. i care a lot about this person. that’s not what our relationship is supposed to be. and it is both important for my security to keep spending so much time in his room especially right now, and also like. we’re on good terms and i enjoy his company in a teacher way and don’t want to lose one of the only positive relationships i’ve ever had with an adult in my life. and like i said, i’m his TA now and he’s the guy in charge of my club. so it’s not like i can start avoiding him how you’re supposed to when you have feelings you shouldn’t act on or feel like boundaries are being crossed. but i don’t want to cause problems either by somehow making my overcommitment clear and putting him in a position of either hurting my feelings or getting himself in trouble, and i just kind of. i don’t know. we’re close, and he trusts me with a lot of things and i trust him, and i don’t want to put our relationship at risk through having complicated feelings or through backing off to try and change how i feel. and again, it would be really truly unsafe to stop spending so much time with him because the alternative of going home is usually pretty bleak.

so basically i just… have complicated feelings, and don’t know what to do. i really don’t want to lose him, and i would like to keep in contact after high school, but i want to know how to do that in a way that is still appropriate and normal in the context that we actually know each other, even if we know each other a lot more well than other students and teachers that is still the basis of our relationship and i don’t want to mess things up and blur lines further than they already are. but he’s a very important person to me, and as the end of high school is approaching i’m stuck between wanting to stay in touch and continue to lean on him through this time, and wanting to keep things in a normal appropriate bounds for a student and teacher to be close with one another.

i can’t talk to anyone about this in the real world, so i’ve been sitting with it for many months now not sure where to go, when i need an adults advice and what i have to present to them is a list of ways that a teacher has broken rules for me where he could probably get in a lot of trouble like not in a way where i feel like he has crossed boundaries it is quite the opposite but some of the things that he has done to help me or when i was around were definitely not allowed. and i’m not looking to get him in trouble and not trying to have some outside party get involved and try to ask him questions or whatever and it would be really embarrassing and people are quick to read into things so it would just be a scary situation. but like. i need advice on how to deal with the combination of my situation, my feelings, and my future, and i kind of have a single person who gives me advice and it’s him. so i’m kind of reaching out here just hoping that i can have some honest advice from someone who i hope can look at this from a removed standpoint and give me the advice i need about what to do about my feelings and how to keep this relationship professional and normal while also, keeping it in my life. this has been weighing on me since before summer vacation, and it’s difficult to organize my thoughts, so i’m sorry for the long ask but i really appreciate you taking the time to read it and offer me any advice you have. not entirely sure if this blog is still active again, hope you are doing well out there and only taking time to answer these if you have the mental energy for it. best wishes, i appreciate you reading this far!

hey friend, i'm so glad that you were able to write this all down and send it to our inbox. truly! it's not easy at all to do that because it forces you to acknowledge your thoughts + feelings, and to put it all to someone for advice does feel vulnerable. but you did it -- and honestly that can be half the battle sometimes.

you're incredibly self aware and articulate, and I think you've hit the nail on the head in regards to the blurring of professional/personal lines.

how to find a resolution to this though? one way could be to start to slowly branch out a bit with friends. if you're possibly able to find a connection with someone else, someone that you trust and like? it could help you to feel like you have more support, and means you feel a little less dependent on one person.

starting to branch out doesn't mean that you have to ditch the friendship you have with person? if anything, it may end up creating a stronger and authentic relationship because you're more able to clearly define boundaries and you feel more in control over your thought + emotions (instead of heading too far in the other direction and being dependent on them). 

just quietly...it sounds like your feelings are complicated now because of how much value is being placed on this one person and this one friendship, sometimes it can cloud our perspective a lil. when we have so much attachment to a person and we place a lot of trust in them, our heart can get a bit confused? if you have real romantic feelings then I definitely would not act on them, but it might be that you just care a lot about this person and what he represents for you: safety, protection, stability, trust.

I'm not judging you -- this situation doesn't sound 'inappropriate' in the sense of a sexual relationship, it doesn't sound like he's taking advantage of you or trying to manipulate you, there aren’t a lot of red flags. however... in spite of what I've just said, it would still be a good idea to break the cycle of attachment/ dependence on someone who's older and an adult and someone in a position of authority over you. 

it’s not going to be an overnight solution, this particular issue isn’t likely to resolve itself in a few days time. but start off with the decision to make a few new friends, people who add value to your life. sometimes taking personality tests (like myers briggs) can help with that? if you know what you’re like as a person, it can help you find similar people with similar personality types, and a friendship might be more likely to form and to be positive.

it takes time to make new friends! I’m 29 and I’m the first to admit that it’s something as an adult that I don’t find easy either. but seriously try to make time and put some energy into creating a new friendship, take it one day at a time. let us know how things go for you lovely, all the best xxx

- tash

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I have tried before the advice of internalised biphobia but sadly it doesn’t work on me, it only makes me feel worse and guilty. I feel that way whenever i try to “force myself” to accept myself i feel worse because I can’t, or if I do I can make it last long. The only queer friend i have never had any major issues on accepting his identity and that makes me feel more alone, esp because his identity is significantly “more queer” than mine (he’s trans, nonbinary and ace-spec and im a bisexual genderqueer woman).

I think one of my biggest worries about being bi is how that will affect my life. I don’t want my life to change significantly just because I happen to be bi. I have 2 queer classmates and they both post a lot about being queer, post pictures with flags, etc. I don’t want to do that, even though a part of me would love having a bi flag in my room for example, but I don’t want other people to think im weird or that being queer is my only personality trait. It doesn’t help that I have always been a quiet person, so i’m not exactly used to drawings attention to myself.

Thanks for your answers, they did make me feel better. I guess i still have a lot of work to do. I would have gone off anon but i’m too coward to do that atm ;-;

No queer person is "more queer" than another. Thinking that is in itself an aspect of internalised biphobia, the fact that you think you are somehow less queer than someone else because you give a hierarchy to different gender identities and sexuality - that's not healthy, neither for you nor the queer community as a whole.

And I know I said this before but I'm gonna say this again: just because you see some queer people that you know behave a certain way does NOT mean you have to do the same. You are your own person and whichever way you want to express your queerness is up to you. It's not necessary to "do it right" in order to be a "real queer". However, you also say you wish you could have a bi flag but you are too afraid of what people might think. You say you are afraid that people will think you are weird if they know you are queer. Though I understand where this fear is coming from, maybe try not to prove to the world how "normal" you are but start learning that there's nothing wrong about being "weird". That's literally what "queer" meant and we have reclaimed that word and taken pride in it to say "so what if we're weird? we like being weird!" to the world.

This idea of "making queerness your only personality trait" is ALSO internalised queerphobia. It's a trend I've seen pop up mostly on online queer spheres over the last few years that people say this especially about young queer people. It's queerphobic because a) it views queerness as something negative or something that should be kept quiet about and b) it assumes that these queer people are one-dimensional people. Just because someone posts about their queerness online and/or is very out & proud offline does not mean that is "their only personality trait". People who have a problem with this don't really have a problem with the "only" part - they have a problem with the queerness part of it.

I really don't know what else to say or to advise you except to reitterate that you are definitely not alone. Just because your one friend had it relatively easy in their coming out doesn't mean you are less valid or that you are the only person who struggles. This blog would not exist if it was just you who needed help. So please reach out to more resources, ideally offline if that's possible where you live. Or at the very least try talking to your queer friends and classmates. Like those two who post about it online - the fact they are posting a lot about it might very well be their way of overcoming their own struggles with being queer. Don't just assume that everything is easy peasy for them by what it looks like online.

Maddie

[hostile-southern]

Heights

Ah, hmm... Another pleasant moment. All right. My feelings haven't really changed. I do consider, however, that perhaps my friend is facing battles I don't know about, and to me, that does make things make more sense. I wish I knew more, and I wish I could help. I suppose it can't be helped. I'll just continue to be generous, because that's what I want to do.

I continue to demonstrate that if I don't spend my money on one of the games I play, it gets spent on fragrances. I don't really like money. I mean, I'd like to have more of it, sure, but in my experience, it complicates everything. Spending money fuels jealousy and creates misleading perceptions, even when you don't actually have the money you're spending. From my perspective, I only spend to keep up and because I want to; it's not to show off...

Some people are obsessed with maintaining that "free-to-play" status, and if that's what they wanna do, I support them. I don't like it when they act as if everyone should live by that ideology, though. Like, you're not wrong; it is quite expensive and ultimately wasteful. But, if someone is comfortable with parting with money for comfort or small gains, then what's it to you? Let others do whatever the hell they wanna, especially with their own damn money.

Besides, who do you think pays for the maintenance of the game and new content? It's not like we're in direct competition, anyway... So, why should anyone care? There have been a few instances where something that should have been part of a base kit seems to be locked behind a paywall, but those cases aren't super common. I don't know. I've slowed down, because of the lack of diversity, but I'll still spend when I want to. And, that's my business.

I'm not always the best person I can be. But, I try to be decent, kind, and generous; and I try to be fair. Even with the difficult circumstances of my life, I try. I'm not sure if that means anything to anyone, and honestly, I don't know that I care if it does. I am the way I am, because I want to be. I'll gladly take responsibility for my life--the good and the bad.

I've felt kinda weird lately: almost as if I'm watching my life rather than experiencing it. I guess it's a side effect of birthday depression, so I just wanted to remind myself... I'm trying my best to live a life I can be proud of. This post is all over the place, but it's necessary. My thoughts lately are all over the place, so this is how I gotta deal with it. Maybe chaos calms chaos...

[damaages]

she ⟢ trent alexander-arnold [social media]

summary. people knew that trent was taken. but they didn’t know that having an established relationship, meant having your own small family.

♪ she - tyler, the creator ft. frank ocean

yourusername

Liked by trentarnold66 and others

yourusername it’s been a while since i posted on this account, sorry babes 💖

View all 12 567 comments

user the two girls on tweeter manifested this

user trent does NOT need all this beauty for himself 🙄

user pause… what’s that last slide 😨

user i feel like she’s kind of a gold digger

user she saw him go from nothing to a football star, and you still get to say stuff like that about her? that’s insane bro

user they’re so UGH

szoboszlaidominik ✓ not bubba wearing my jacket 😎

yourusername it must be honoured lmao

user the fuck is a bubba?

user i don’t know why but it feels like we’re missing on something

trentarnold66 ✓ 🐻❤️

yourusername love you lots

user not [your name] babysitting

user imagine it’s her own baby 😨

user there’s NO chance

perrieedwards ✓ gorgeous 😍

yourusername you are 💖

user need me a relationship like theirs

trentarnold66 ✓

Liked by yourusername and others

trentarnold66 ✓ all that i need. happy anniversary missus ❤️🐻

View all 34 678 comments

user WHO IS THAT DAMN KID

tylerarnold94 bubba needs to share his shoe game

trentarnold66 ✓ me and the missus make sure he’s as stylish as us 🤷🏽

user if THIS ain’t a sign of trent and his gf having a kid i don’t know what is anymore

user the abs 😍😍😍😍😍

user his gf is so fine

trentarnold66 ✓ and mine btw

user YO

user my only preoccupations right now are: who/what is bubba? AND WHO IS THAT CHILD

user y’all are dumb

user are they married?

user no they’re not, they’re just celebrating their five years and trent likes to call her missus all the time (even tho he DIDN’T PUT A RING ON IT)

yourusername yeah tell him bestie 🙄

trentarnold66 ✓ your fingers are full of rings?

yourusername not by the RIGHT one though 🙄

trentarnold66 ✓ 🤣 okay, dw about it

user we need a bubba reveal

yourusername soon 😘

yourusername

Liked by perrieedwards and others

yourusername all that i need. happy anniversary my man 💖

View all 23 367 comments

trentarnold66 ✓ okay but did the second pic was necessary?

user yes it was.

trentarnold66 ✓ not me waking up on a sunny tuesday and finding my ass on instagram

yourusername YOUR ass?

trentarnold66 ✓ yes, MINE. all mine actually babe

user the theory 😨😨😨😨😨

user need me a trent in my life

user i think the girl trending on twitter might be right with her theory…

user what theory are you guys talking about???????

user GORGEOUS UGH

virgilvandijk ✓ bubba’s drip 🔥

user THE FUCK IS BUBBA

user i think i might GO INSANE

user not the big ass bouquet of flowers 💔

user killed the whole garden for his girl 😍

user at this point i’m not even questioning that kid’s presence anymore. they probably kidnapped him or whatever 🤷‍♀️

user day 18299201 of asking a bubba reveal

yourusername 👀

trentarnold66 ✓ updated his instagram story !

[caption 1: bubba looking fine with his new haircut 🔥][caption 2: gotta keep the dino safe 🤣]

trentarnold66 ✓

Liked by liverpoolfc and others

trentarnold66 ✓ so, i think it’s time for everyone to know about my biggest and greatest achievement, the little person i am most proud of and grateful for. my son.

my missus does not need to justify herself regarding the fact that we decided to keep the birth of our child, and a small part of his childhood, hidden from the media.

but i think that i, personally, as a public figure and as a father, should however address something to you. not explain, because keeping my son away from the world was the best decision ever and that i do not need to justify myself about it. but address it, because i want to clarify things.

firstly, i’d like to thank my woman for bringing this little human to the world. for letting me become a dad and a better man everyday, but also for letting me show our son to the world and let people know about him. i love you with all my heart.

this is not a little decision, it is a big one, but we will assume all the responsibilities of it.

even though you all, now, know about our boy’s existence, we decided to not show you his face for privacy reasons. and this fact might not change unless we actually communicate it with y’all. so, please, we ask you to, if you have the opportunity to see it, not share pictures of our child without our consent (or it will lead to legal proceedings) and to respect our choice and privacy.

i am a public figure, my own face and appearance are plastered all over the internet, and it is my choice, but my kid’s face does not need to be all over it too.

i hope that you’ll understand our point of view, and respect my girl and kid’s privacy just like you want people to respect yours.

thank you again for your support,

trent.

View all 872 567 comments

user I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

user OH MY DAYS WHAT

szoboszlaidominik ✓ the happiest uncle right there

darwin_n9 ✓ 🙏🏻❤️

user i am actually in shock

user they’re a little bit too much i think

user have a kid while you’re a whole football superstar and then come yap about it

virgilvandijk ✓ congratulations to my favourite people (again 🤣) ❤️

user RUE

user WHEN WAS THIS

user they have fbi superpowers

user not them hiding a kid for THREE WHOLE YEARS

user this needs to be on the newspaper 😨

user gotta talk about this to my therapist guys…

user already on it

user THERE WERE SO MANY SIGNS WE’RE JUST DUMB

liverpoolfc ✓ sending all our love 🤍

user i think that girl who was trending on twitter for her theory might be a witch or something ‼️

yourusername i love you

trentarnold66 ✓ you know i love you more

yourusername i know 😜

user TRENT’S IN A RELATIONSHIP?

user you’re 5 years late boo…

yourusername

Liked by perrieedwards and others

yourusername 2021 throwback. 👶🏻🤍🍼

[Comments under this post have been restricted]

trentarnold66 ✓ i love you two with everything in me, i swear. 🐻❤️

yourusername we love you as much.

damaages © this blog does not accept plagiarism.

[brolantra]

I’m honestly a really sweet person. The way I’ve preserved this sweetness despite the poison I’ve been force fed, was learning to fiercely protect this part of me.. by any means necessary. My story is dark and hard and although I have an equally dark shadow, I have it under voluntary control. It doesn’t control me. I have to actively work on it and keep myself balanced though because I have a smart ass mouth.. while sometimes it’s necessary, other times it’s just not. Saying slick shit is really just second nature tho. Im genuinely surprised I haven’t been punched in my face more times in my life. I also have violent tendencies, and not in a cute funny haha she wants people to think she’s dangerous kind of way. I have to actively avoid physical altercations and even some verbal altercations with certain people because I know exactly where ima take it. And if I get past a certain point I’m not gonna care about the outcome or consequences. I have to have a lot of self control because I can’t afford not to. I’m not proud of my hyper vigilance, but it was born out of necessity. I am proud of the ways I’ve gone within to reprogram myself tho, and I’m proud of my willingness and ability to address my issues and do what I can to fix my own problems. I am proud of the strides I’ve made toward total self awareness and radical accountability. I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect my energy. I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect my spirit, my heart, my time, and my peace. Even if that means using my discernment and reminding someone why I shouldn’t be played with. I am looking forward to the day I finally feel like I don’t have to be in constant defense mode tho man. I know ultimately that’s what this past year has been about.. feeling what I need to feel so I can release it and move on… Learning to trust God with every cell in my body and every fiber of my being. Controlling what I can control (which is myself) and letting God handle the rest. Trusting in my own neuroplasticity and capacity for great change. Hyper vigilance is a learned behavior, and anything we learn can be unlearned. But learned behaviors are just old habits, and we all know old habits die hard. Lord knows I be trying… I really got ptsd tho and it’s hard. I thought things would be easier to manage once I got diagnosed and I knew exactly what was going on with my brain… but it only got harder. Because that’s when the real responsibility kicked in. Because I wasn’t being called to just manage or cope with these things.. I was being called to really heal them. And there’s no one I can really lean on other than God. Cuz I don’t know anyone who’s doing what I’m doing.. healing to the degree in which I’m striving for. They’re walking their own path, but not even the ones closest to me fully understand what it is I’m trying to accomplish. I can talk about it til I’m blue in the face and still no one understands. It’s hard for others to believe you have the ability to heal yourself, even with proof.. because they have a core belief that they themselves are damaged beyond repair. And they’ll project that belief on to you. It’s not even malicious… but some of the people I love the most can’t even really hear me fr. Cuz they don’t get it… they couldn’t receive a map even if they were looking and asking for one. Cuz they genuinely don’t believe it’s possible. I have built my entire life on top of not laying down and just accepting defeat.. so I personally don’t mesh well with that way of being. Constantly being reminded my calling was for me.. it wasn’t a conference call. It gets so lonely because you look outward for support and you’re met with a bunch of superficial, uninformed nonsense. God isolated me for a reason. Every time I think I’m about to exit hermit mode I’m thrown right back in like “aht aht, you got more work to do. More to address. More to transmute & transcend.” Im tired. I’m frustrated. I’m emotionally exhausted. But I know I wouldn’t have been thrown down this path if there wasn’t victory attached to it. I trust God with everything in me.

If I don’t vent every once in a while I feel as though my blog is losing its original purpose. Ok I’m done now 🤧

[holdinbacksecrets]

hi there !! idk if it helps, but i spent two years of my life in a university i absolutely hated despite knowing it was messing with my mental health :( when i decided to quit i felt like it had been a waste, that i was weak for not pushing through even though i only had a year left before graduation (mind you i had good grades and everything like ik i would've graduated had i stayed), but now it's been more than a year since i've left and i don't regret it ! it is still a valuable experience to have <3

if you know grad school isn't for you than i personally think that you shouldn't force it bc it's important to put yourself before your studies !! just want you to know that it is okay to quit when you feel it's necessary. and no matter what you decide to do, i will fully support you either way !

good luck on your choice and remember to go with your gut ❤❤

hi melba! thank you so much for sharing 🥹 i truly needed to read this. i’m so fucking hard on myself and feel like withdrawing means i’m a failure or something. i also am already worried about what people will think of me, even though i would never judge anyone for leaving school. just thinking about leaving makes me feel lighter... i also deal with mental health issues, and they’ve gotten worse since i started, and the last thing i want to do is dread my days. that’s such a horrible feeling. i’m proud of you for doing what felt right and trusting yourself! i need to do the same. i truly appreciate you for taking the time to send this, and the bonus wonwoo and seokmin pictures are two cherries on top 🫶🫶

[gustave-xiii]

Just Streamer Rants

As of this past September i’ve been streaming on various platforms (though primarily on twitch) for 4 years. A LOT of that time has been dedicated to Gundam Battle Operation 2 which has been fun and also probably one of the bigger mistakes i’ve made as a streamer. Another mistake was falling into the habit of streaming everyday.  The latter happened because before streaming, i hardly played games at all due to other obligations/circumstances. In a sense, streaming let me have one of my favorite hobbies back in the form of a potentially beneficial routine. But of course that doesn’t mean the experience has been all good. Gundam Battle Operation 2 or GBO2 for short has easily been one of my favorite games to play within the last 4 years due to it being one of the most readily available, comprehensive, and supported games based around my favorite franchise to date. Unfortunately, such praise isn’t saying much as Gundam games tend to have a rough history of just...not really being that great or being readily released outside of Japan for that matter. The other issue is that much like other recent Gundam titles, GBO2 is a PvP competitive game. Anyone who has even so much as taken a glimpse at my completed games list over on twitch can tell that i typically don’t like multiplayer games...like, at all. It’s the same reason i fell off of Maxi Boost ON so quickly which is another Gundam game. Not only was it multiplayer but it gave me the responsibility of being the direct partner of a whole other player in a fighting game setting? No thanks.  Other co-op games typically don’t appeal to me and if i can worm my way out of playing most party games, i will. (Lookin at you, Among Us) GBO2 at the very least lets you meld into a deeper team pool, but even as i began to improve somewhat, another problem arose. I was playing everyday, i was running into more and more viewers or other streamers during sessions. I was becoming somewhat known, especially as the clan system finally implemented clan matches and we were scoring top 100 placements...but boy oh boy have i not handled managing a team well, let alone my presence in the scene. Due to streaming everyday, not all of my encounters with people in my chat or while recruiting people for clans have been pleasant. Competitive circles are toxic and one up-ish at the best of times, but being in a niche category while being a small streamer tends to make that worse. I’m a serious/grim person most of the time. I rarely can find it in me to let negative exchanges just roll off my back. As such, I won’t sob about being a victim or anything like that. I’ve made it clear who i do and don’t like during such encounters in and out of my streams and will continue to do so. It feels necessary moreso for my own sanity if nothing else. But even though familiarity breeds contempt, i can’t find it in myself to let go of said familiarity either. I’m not going to stop playing, thus i’ll likely not stop streaming. Hell, to think that this all started with me doing super scuffed Pokemon Go streams on my phone of all things. Unfortunately, people don’t watch me for my secondary games let alone Pokemon GO. My analytics and chat fluctuations have made it clear that it’s GBO2 or nothing right now and that sucks. But like most things in my life, i know deep down that if i stop now, i’ll likely never start up again. I’ll just walk out and not look back, becoming more obscure than i already am. And i don’t want that. I’ve seen and have been a part of other great streaming communities outside of my usual circles and beyond any pangs of jealousy, i also feel a sense of hope: That it’s possible to cultivate a positive following and community that i can be happy and proud of. But looking back at what what i’ve accumulated over time, and the waning category i primarily stay in as a whole, it really feels like i’d have to burn a LOT more bridges and remake myself entirely as a person before i’d even stand a chance of moving on to something better. And i hate feeling that way.

[prozach27]

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[bode-rook]

So the thing about Nope that has unexpectedly stuck with me is the particular kind of gruff, stoic cowboy masculinity that is portrayed in OJ Senior, and which I am familiar with in a way that I have a lot of mixed feelings about. The kind of man who takes all his anger and pain and fear and sensitivity and channels it into Work. Practical, not prone to using more words than necessary, certainly capable of being harsh but only because life made him that way. Definitely has a soft side but only shows the tiniest glimpses of it at a time. And even though OJ Sr’s part in the movie is technically very small, it still feels like he’s there the whole time - not only as a tangible presence, a ghost haunting the narrative (the horse he died on was Ghost) but also in his son, who is his own wonderful character but also obviously takes so much of himself from his father. Em loves and understands him so much and yet his stoic near-silence obviously frustrates her at times. @horseshit-posts (hope u don’t mind me tagging) recently made a great post about how to him, staying to take care of the horses and his home was not brave or heroic, it was just the thing to do. It was just his job, just Work, just all that his father had built, and if he abandoned it who would he be? What would he have?

I’m not saying it’s necessarily an entirely healthy way to be in the long run. In addition to hampering your ability to deal with your emotional baggage it also makes you seem distant and unknowable at times to even the people closest to you. But it doesn’t make you bad, and it sure as hell doesn’t make you unloveable. I know because my grandfather was the same way. He died a couple weeks ago. I went to his memorial service the day before I saw Nope, and I felt like I was watching him on that screen, and feeling him in that house, the same way I feel him in this one. I saw my dad in OJ Jr, and a little of my brothers and maybe myself too. I think about that grumpy old cowboy as I navigate this house, slightly emptier now but still full of his cowboy hats and barn keys and Dickies and work gloves. I think of my stoic and unknowable father, still alive and still very much loved despite his flaws and mistakes, and his even more stoic and unknowable father, whose ashes are now in a box down the hall from me, who died in a room right next to mine and whose scuffed up old boots are too big for any of us to fill. And I don’t know what my point really is with any of this except to say that I’m really glad I saw that movie when I did. I didn’t expect it to have a happy ending but when I saw OJ through the dust I started sobbing. And I just know his and Em’s dad would have been so proud of them both, even if he might not have said it out loud.