#and i split stuff up most of the time
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There’s no flower in this world more beautiful than an artificial one. That’s because everything is manufactured by lies.
@4listr @aakaneeee @bluemoonscape @rockwgooglyeyes @apriciticreveries @pwippy @nottoonedin @starry-skiez @paradisedisconcert
CW: sirius talks about the abuse they’ve suffered with guardian noct. this includes SA, and it’s a little bit graphic. but also be warned it’s very uncomfortable because it’s done by noct, who has tentacles for limbs. there is also the normal content warnings with sirius, like experimentation and murder.
NOTE: sirius might contradict himself. that’s on purpose. sirius might lie. that’s on purpose. also, this text won’t be entirely in pink. it’s a lot longer than my other like “character thoughts” posts to be fully pink, and i don’t want to hurt anyone’s eyes... and i barely edited this bare with me please
Getting branded was very painful. I believe this was done on purpose, though I’m not sure of the reason why. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Noct only makes me suffer as a punishment, so I don’t know why he had done this.
Sometimes, when I visit Noct, he’s not in a very good mood. I do try to make our flowers live for as long as possible, but sometimes a few have to die so our materials don’t get wasted. I don’t quite get why wilting flowers directly relates to Noct wanting to hurt me, but I’ve learned not to question him because it only leads to worse punishment.
I remember once, as a child, I accidentally broke one of our preservation tanks. I tripped over a pen Hanno had dropped on the ground, and I fell into the tank. Noct was so angry with me. I can clearly picture slimy tentacles lifting my body off the ground and the jarring electric shock that came shortly after. No matter how hard I tried to wriggle out of his grip, nothing worked. Noct was too strong for me to escape. It disgusted me to feel Noct touching me all over, the wet consistency of his limbs only reaching lower and lower. He even covered my mouth so I couldn’t scream.
That was the first time that Noct had been so infuriated at me that he assaulted me.
I read in a book that when humans ruled the Earth, such assaults were illegal and frowned upon in society. I don’t understand why Noct seems to think this is a normal, suitable punishment for a pet.
It was like I couldn’t wash the filth off my body no matter how hard I tried. I would shower multiple times a day, scrubbing so hard it felt like my skin was burning. And nothing would work. Nothing would ever work. I tried to like everything was normal so he wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t want him to do it again. But it happened, it always happened, and I wasn’t sure how to prevent it.
I’m sure that Noct enjoys seeing me in pain. Or rather, humans in pain. I suppose that’s why he chose to have my brand be on my spine. But he only puts me through pain to punish me, so why not put my brand on a spot that would give me less torment? I didn’t have any anesthetics either. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I didn’t need to be punished. I had been good, so why did he feel the need to torture me in such a way?
I think Noct was beginning to just have fun with me at that point. When he visited shortly after my branding procedure was done, he threw me against the wall and… Well, I’m sure that he had his reasons for it, but it felt so unnecessary. I didn’t attend my classes the next day.
Noct tells me he loves me. He tells me he loves me and he treats me like a doll meant to be cast away. He treats me like a toy. He says I’m his most prized possession, but if being prized means being abused, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be loved, I don’t want to be known, I don’t want to be seen. I wish I were invisible, I wish nobody would look at me ever again. I wish I could be clean, I wish I felt real, I wish to be hated so I never have to be loved again.
I don’t understand the concept of love. If love is sweet, why does it hurt me? Love is a selfish concept made for those in power to look down on the weak. Love is a game that damages the soul.
I despise love. I wish it despised me in return.
I tried to kill love. Multiple times, in fact. My brother Hanno showed me love, and I killed him for it. He used to yell at me through my door, telling me he was going to kill me. He told me that horrible things day after day, but he also used to tell me how my creations were beautiful. I don’t get it. I don’t understand him. One day, he told me I was like a sibling to him. He said he loved me.
He died not long afterward. It was his fault, truly.
Chiara showed me love, I killed her too. I knew I’d never be her first priority. She was only using me for pretty flowers and good food Guardian Kora would never give her. There’s no possible way she really enjoyed my company. I knew this, so I used her as an experiment and told her terrible things as she was dying.
Vera was the first to show me love. In my early years, she acted like a mother. She cared for me, even if I was just some forgettable piece of garbage. She would talk about her love, Ellie, that she killed in the Alien Stage competition. She talked about Ellie’s love for life and love for plants, and she only ever said positive things about Ellie. It never made sense to me why she simply went through with her guardian’s plans to kill her. If her love really was that strong, it would’ve been pure enough to disobey her guardian’s wishes. It would’ve been pure enough to allow Vera to run away with Ellie.
I killed her because she was a fucking liar. Vera loved Ellie, but she killed her. She told me she would never do that to me. She’d never hurt me or abandon me. Lies, all of them, lies. I had already been hurt, I had already been abandoned, so it would be remarkably easy to do it again. She lied to me. I could see it in her eyes, she lied to me. She was planning to hurt me, I just know it.
I am jealous of those with pure love in their hearts. I am jealous of those who share a love with no pain, no suffering, no power imbalance, and no heartache. So, when I see Numa and Xael together, of course I’m bitter.
I worked on Numa before. I remember getting him to trust me, and I eventually convinced him to let me operate on him so I could tamper with his tastebuds. I am the reason he can no longer taste anything but human meat. And yet, he’s still thriving. He’s still caring, and bright. He brought joy to Xael’s life that I have never had in mine. He’s not suffering, not in the slightest.
He treats Xael so kindly, so gently. Numa cradles Xael in his arms at night. He’s so soft and slow when they’re intimate. He cares so much, it’s not overpowering. He isn’t abusive. He doesn’t hold power over Xael.
I wish, just once, someone would direct their kindness to me. True, unconditional kindness. Giving me gifts isn’t true kindness. Telling me I’m smart isn’t true kindness. I need someone to read my soul, to see me for who I am, without wanting to change me or fix me. I don’t want roughness, I don’t want pain, I don’t want torment.
I just want to be perceived.
#alnst oc#alien stage oc#alnst oc: sirius#cw sa mention#this is a lot longer than my other posts#usually when i do lore i make my posts shorter so it’s easier to look for information you want#and i split stuff up most of the time#but i just thought for this it wouldn’t make any sense to split this up#i’ll post a summary of this in case people don’t want to read because of the sa mention
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HI MY BELOVED ANGEL!!! i am sending u mattsun + campfire as well as kisses n hugs <33
SAINTTT hello 🥺 thank you for sending a prompty!! 🥹 idt i've ever written mattsun fully before so this is something new!
help me get back into the writing groove! send me a character + any word and i'll write a short blurb about it!
contains: exes, stranded-y situation, feelings are complicated, some expletives
mattsun + campfire
"i told you we should've brought the spare—"
"yeah, let me go back in time for a sec and do just that."
"asshole."
lesson #1: nothing good ever happens when you're stuck in a car with your ex on the way to somewhere remote.
you blame iwaizumi for this one. who the fuck chooses to spend their birthday weekend in the fucking wilderness?
(okay, you don't actually think it's so bad. to be fair, he did plan this a year ago. and it did sound like a good idea. then. at the time. anywhere with the boys was always guaranteed fun―at least, until you and matsukawa broke up.)
"can you pass me the flashlight?" he points at the backpack behind you. when you hand it over, your fingers brush over his as he takes it away from you.
and you hate it, because―
lesson #2: you should never be alone with your ex when you still have feelings for them.
you'd agreed to take two cars to the camping spot: iwaizumi's with oikawa and hanamaki and matsukawa's with you. there was no way you'd fit in one, and hanamaki ultimately decided to ride with iwaizumi because, "you and mattsun have shit to sort out," he'd said.
with night setting and the two-hour headstart they managed to get ahead of you, the best thing you and matsukawa can do is to set up camp temporarily and wait for them to come back for you come sunrise.
you sigh.
leaves crack underneath your feet as you maneuver around your camping space. the light from matsukawa's flashlight tells you where he is, just a bit deeper in the forestry as he looks for wood to help set up the fire.
you unload the car in the meantime, bringing out some snacks and sleeping bags while waiting.
matsukawa eventually comes back with arms full of wood, and you help in whatever way you can, clearing the space and fetching more twigs when needed.
the entire car ride here had been quiet, so it's not surprising that this entire process has been equally as silent. until―
"did you already pull out your tent?" he asks, half of his body disappearing into the trunk of the car.
"huh?" you go closer, "i only brought out the sleeping bags."
then he sighs, ducking out from the trunk with a hand on his hip, "we only have one tent."
"what?"
"makki must have gotten yours with his when he decided to move cars."
his hand runs through his hair, a habit you know well. it lights up all sorts of weird feelings in your tummy
you don't know how to feel―
"i can sleep in the car."
―but you know that you definitely don't want him to do that. all things considered, you were friends first. and you've both been trying to be friends again since the breakup. you wouldn't want to cause him discomfort like that.
so, with a deep breath, you say, "it's okay, we can just share."
"are you sure?" he stares at you.
you nod.
after setting up the tent, you eat a few energy bars and clean up from the day's events. the campfire provides ample enough heat, but with how fast the flames are burning, you're doubtful it'll last the two of you the entire night.
it’s much later on, past midnight, that your doubts are proven right when you and matsukawa are cramped together in a tent made for one. it started to get cold a few minutes ago, and you've found yourself inching closer and closer to the warmth you’ve gotten used to laying against for the past two years.
he's only pretending to be asleep, you know that much, too. the rise and fall of his chest is hardly there; you can see it, how he's holding his breath being this close to you.
"issei," you whisper.
he opens his eyes, eyelids lifting lazily as he meets your stare. the vibration of his hum reverberates to you.
"it's cold."
for a moment, your stomach drops at the thought that he could ignore you; how it would make perfect sense for him to. you broke up with him after all, and he doesn't owe you anything, much less favors as intimate as this one.
but he closes the already dwindling gap between you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pulls you closer. it's near, far too near for exes to be―noses touching and all.
"warmer?" his voice comes out hoarser through the whisper.
you nod, your head shifting up and down—which, truly, is where you ultimately fuck up. you feel it, a little chapped but still pliant against your lips.
in your carelessness, you accidentally brush your lips against his, the sensation alone surprising you enough to inch your head back as you mutter your apologies.
"sorry? really?" he asks, eyes half-lidded still as he chuckles.
his question settles into the small space you're in.
your vision trails from his eyes, down to the slope of his nose, until it lands on his lips again. a little split like you've always known, but still your favorite. still the only lips you want against yours.
when you lean in again, you know you're fucked, because―
lesson #3: the number one rule is that exes shouldn't kiss each other anymore.
#mattsun x reader#matsukawa x reader#hq x reader#shotorus.workbook#WAAAAAH i hope u like this saint !!!#ive never rlly written mattsun in length before so i hope i captured him enough ?????#i feel like he's such a tough balance to write (bc i am not witty at all and i feel like he would be HAHAHA)#anyway !!! some stuff abt the fic: the split was amicable for the most part#but the reason why makki says reader and mattsun have stuff to sort out is because there's like a weird tension~~ that he feels around them#and its kind of like. they bicker? and snap at each other like exes do but also it's just like. why do u care abt what the other does so mu#if you arent together anymore ?? typa thing. its like. they argue but in a way couples normally do if that makes sense#HONESTLY MAKKI WOULDNT HAVE ALSO MINDED STAYING WITH THEM cos he likes to watch HAHA but i think#he joined iwaoi more as a 'ill give u guys time together to fuck it out or wtvr just dont be weird on iwa's bday' typa thing#they were also together for a while! friends first and everything hmmm the reason why reader broke up with him#can be up to you! but my intention was for it to be something fixable and just more fitting for a 'break' typa thing#not necessarily a breakup#also the iwa car went ahead and they have the spare tire so they can go back and help but better in the daylight#i think thats all !!!#i hope you like it !!#ask#rep#saint.🩸#honestly these just keep getting longer hAHAH i should follow my 20 minute cap more#ask rep answered#heartsyougave
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ohhh. randomly getting scared of engaging with things i usually like might also be a plural thing. that makes sense now damn
#it happens often where like i remember that i like something so i wanna engage with it#but all of a sudden im scared to and i dont really like. remember feeling anything towards it despite the fact i know i did technically#and it feels weird and anxiety inducing to engage with it like it feels when i engage with something new#all this stuff is confusing cause my plurality isnt clearly split up into different parts like most representations of plurality are#its much more blurry and i dont have different memories between facets. mostly just different. feelings and shit i guess#im kinda like. still a singular base person. i sorta just get piloted by different people sometimes i guess is the best way to describe it#i should probably start keeping this stuff in mind so i dont keep trying to treat myself like the same person all the time#it might be ok to do that with myself if i didnt have such bad anxiety around new things but currently its like#i keep trying to force a bunch of different people who all have a bad anxiety disorder into doing the same exact things#so obviously a lot of them are gonna be scared all the time cause most of them arent used to doing that thing#man this shits confusing. at least i can usually tell when im switching#so i can try to remind myself that im gonna be a new guy and i should try to listen to the new guy so i dont fuck myself up#awoo
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It's so weird being off on a Monday
#i work like 90% of mondays so when i get the odd one off it feels so strange#i spend a period of time trying to figure out which one shot i wanted to post today only to remember it wasnt tuesday#but the good news is i think ive figured out the order of one shots for the next few weeks#maybe#its subject to change#at the v least ive figured out what i need to finish/save so i can post them during may#im moving across the country this summer so theres gonna be a hiatus but i got stuff i dont wanna wait to post#and since im heading back to my parents for may idk if ill be able to set my cpu up#so i got a small fic im gonna save before i have to pack it up and my birthday fic for this year which i gotta finish within a month#shouldnt be too hard since ive been working on it all day and got the first two chunks and most of the third done#as well as the barebones plan for the rest of it#special info for reading all these damn tags is that birthday fic this year is gonna be the post reunion sequal to cant erase me#and its looking to be just as beefy lmao#i could theoretically split it up but also i think a second huge as fuck oneshot makes the most sense
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helped my boy rip all of the staples out of his floor today and got in some good driving practice too 💪
#i met his dad saturday when i came to help with house stuff and his dad likes me ^_^#matt said to me that his dad is dating a woman named joyce who he thinks is the sweetest and most helpful person in the world#and we were in home depot and i split off to help find things on our shopping list to save some time#and his dad turned to him once i was out of earshot and said 'looks like you found yourself a joyce'#and then i was going to meet his sister and her kids sunday but there were some scheduling issues#and so his dad was making him show her videos of us juggling and hyping me up#and like. holy shit dude. im in with his family#its REAL. and when i got there to help out today we were holding each other in the kitchen and he was like. youre really serious about this?#and we almost had a big conversation then and there but then he kinda realized that the timing wasnt great#but holy shit. its real
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and like sidenote if i can make a post with a target audience of zero. i feel like fhsy was to d20 what aa3 was to ace attorney but aa3 pulled it off better for reasons i cannot explain
#it is. the amatonormativity#^ guy who was REALLY pissed about the sandra lynn stuff#like yknow that bit in the first ep where brennan is like 'oh this drama is going down' and so like the pcs investigate it#probs bcos they think itll like kick off their new quest#and then it turns out to be like. petty romantic drama.#thats kind of a microcosm of the entire season for me#not to say there werent parts i liked (looks at the picture of baron i printed out and hung on my wall)#(and most of the leviathan stuff was brilliant and ayda is a role model for me)#but its all so tied up in the rest of that shit that i dont rlly wanna rewatch it the way ive rewatched fy 6+ times#likening this to aa3 bcos of the rlly noticeable uptick in romantic content in it compared to the rest of the trilogy#like prior to that all that rlly comes to mind is like. 2-3 and pearl's shipping shenanigans and larry existing#but in aa3 both mia and phoenix have past lovers who play big parts#theres a married couple theres tigre and viola (who sidenote i ENTIRELY missed as romantic my first playthru. i am dense)#there's the business with fawles#like it felt like romance played a large part in every case in aa3#where even when it came up in 1 + 2 it was usually ancillary (2-3 excepted but like. ppl regard that case as a fluke in most regards)#you COULD argue that maggey and adrian also inject some romantic presence in the story#but idk it just doesnt feel as central or prevalent as in aa3#like i saw a post abt adrian and celeste being cousins in the aa anime being not just the sailor moon 'best cousins' thing#but like. reinforcing the themes of familiar devotion as aa2's core. and that was rlly foundational to my understanding of the game#even tho its a change that comes from an adaptation#whereas you Couldnt make that change in aa3 without it changing A Lot of shit#where was i going with this. shrug.#the zelda and tracker relationship drama was entirely manufactured as punishing the pcs for not centering npcs#whose relationship issues were ancillary to the overarching plot they were focused on and which hadnt rlly been brought up beforehand#'why didnt gorgug call zelda :/' do u want zac to pause the kalina mystery to roleplay good relationship communication with the dm??#like its one thing looking at sy as a narrative but looking at it as a ttrpg campaign with limited time and a need to split character focus#i dont see what it did for the story besides give gorgug something to angst abt. didnt rlly feel like there was character growth or an arc#sigh. MANDATORY DISCLAIMER its been at least a year since i watched sy and longer before that since ive played aa3#but at the time my feelings were strong and have only calcified. romance as a theme in something not generally abt romance
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and it’s like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I don’t have to think—#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so I’m keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final boss—boom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and I’m sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#it’s the sort of healer chaos where you’re sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#it’s much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#it’s kinda dogshit#owen talks
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Thinking about how souls canonically do exist in universe, and how that might correlate to seeing different people as one in the same, all because their souls are identical (pieces of a whole)
#marwospeaking#arc v#I imagine. in a world where souls are most definitely a thing. that you use to communicate with the spirits accessible by cards..#.. and its a phenomenon big enough to base your whole self in them. some call some particular cards Their Soul. even people..#.. who have zero idea about the soul stuff in duelling partake in said stuff without realising because it's that socially ingrained - to th#.. you can kind of get a read of someone's soul. and can probably recognise people that way in time. or a duel.#Unfortunately the Yuboys and bracelet girls have identical souls (within their groups)..#.. and therefore would be easier to mistake as just Yuuya wanting to dress differently and. in true Yuuya fashion. is in costume about it#Their faces are identical. but for Eyes Are The Window To The Soul reasons. they're Too Identical To Be Different People for most people#Yuuto's face was what had Shingo and Yuzu thinking he was Yuuya. A part of his face is his eyes; so in that sort of world it's plausible#Arc v would've been better had it had at least one person who was face blind I think. Minor improvement but definitely funny#also horrifying if even this hypothetical character couldn't tell the difference between any of them#Because that would imply something about how splitting a person works#tldr. they all have Zarc's or Ray's soul in a world where the soul is a confirmed thing that exists and is used in..#.. day-to-day social encounters even if it's not acknowledged by most people. and therefore that might help in why they're very..#.. different but identical.#This is wholly a me thing but. if someone from a world with no confirmed soul existence ends up in a place that does..#(say Zarc getting murked made it really easy to slip out of one reality into another because Oh Boy that's four unstable dimensions..#.. fresh out the oven type of dimensions.) then does that person a) stay without a soul and. a1) dies or. a2) survives..#.. or do they b) suddenly have a soul and is that. b1) grown (painfully or not) as time passes or. b2) fully formed immediately? ..#.. because you need a soul for duelling reasons. so your monsters can respond to you (heart of the cards). at least in universe.#I'm asking that primarily because it actually has implications on how isekai work on a more subtle piece of worldbuilding that gets ignored#but to be fair I don't think you'd think 'oh can this character even duel because they got isekai'd'. because it's ygo and They Gotta#... honestly that's a post of its own but it was a related thing so I think it's fine to have here
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Every once in a while I just ignore the trauma and laugh about all the shit the ex bestie pulled
#The trauma tho lmao#She’s the reason I no longer can wear a headband#I despise most musicals#I hated the thought of romance for years#Anything sparkly would make me hesitate. Along with this specific shade of light blue#Anyone touching my hair or shoulders would yank me back in time and the panic would set in. Her touch. I’m uncomfortable EUGH NO DAMN IT#That split second where you can tell someone is picturing something awful happening to you#That moment of heart crushing silence after being told stuff that’s made up about you#That moment when you can only hysterically laugh because she’s been spreading rumors about you. But those rumors never succeeded#Bc I was too nice for my own dammed good. So she walked all over me#So now when she talks shit#People pause and go. “No. She’s too nice. You’re lying” and. Damn. I really think that’s part of the reason all her relationships fell appa#Bc she couldn’t cope in a healthy way and. Why do I feel bad. She did this to herself#I shouldn’t feel bad#And I shouldn’t miss someone who was shit to me#jays being dumb again
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rot.ary di.al the aqua bpder song ever
#➳ the fool speaks#like me listening 2 that on repeat years ago while splitting on my fp back then .#putting aside all the story and stuff . those lyrics are basically just what it feels like splitting on someone . to me .#as well as some of my less normal/healthy ways of showing my devotion to those i care about#''call me call me baby - check me on the cheek and all night i'll wait for your reply''#and then ofc the ''i can't wait for you to die'' for the splitting obv .#''all the ones that i love have hung up the telephone time after time after time after time after-'' abandonment issues ++ bpd tend to go#hand in hand#''time and time again again i'll only speak to uu'' prioritizing uur fp above all others because they're OBVIOUSLY the most important perso#in uur life (and if uu don't talk to them right this instant they'll leave uu forever and hate uu and uu can't have that now can uu)#''and maybe uu should give me back the love i gave to uu'' feeling unloved and as though uur fp doesn't care about uu the way uu care abt#them (and if they don't have bpd or uu just . aren't their fp too . then yeah they most likely don't . ahahahah . ow .)#''i've given up on any kind of hope that's left for me'' the self awareness uu get at some point abt the fact uu are . well . Like This tm#and then the ''time is just a-ticking away now hey now for uu for uu'' more ''i hope uu fucking die'' splitting type stuff#''and after i've called uu for the 43rd time'' flashbacks to me desperately trying to talk to my fps over the years to no success .#and then more ''call me call me baby'' w affectionate words and the want/need for attention#''where are uu going my darling?'' fear of abandonment#''why do uu never talk to me'' as mentioned above being more prone to feeling neglected by uur fp if they aren't around as much as uu'd lik#''nevermore forevermore - love is nothing but a waste'' feeling like trying to connect w and maintain a relationship is . well .#a waste because of whatever reasons uu find applicable since there's like 100 uu could think of . purrobably .#and then the rest of the song is kinda just repeats of all these lyrics#ok nawt all of them but uu get the idea#like#damn#idk maybe it's just me but bpd song of all time . sort of . idk .#hap.py days too but that one iirc was Actually Written as a bpd song . this one is kinda just fitting even if on accident ??
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The next time I’m tempted to have a robust social life, someone remind me: DON’T
#i have done quite simply way too much over the past week#and am going to do even more this coming week yay??#today i hosted an entire fucking picnic which was just an ordeal from start to finish#(and it shouldn't have been! i got to see my friends and the weather was lovely and my friends were lovely and it went objectively well)#but i was so worn out from pride yesterday that i had to spend most of the day in bed#and i was fretting to an unreasonable degree about whether i had enough food and the right kind of food and whether i was Normal#(spoiler: python you are never Normal and that's fine)#and then the picnic itself was. fine. objectively. good! objectively.#but i invited two different groups of friends and each group mainly talked to each other and i felt split between them#and i got so overwhelmed trying to keep track of two conversations at once#and i said dumb stuff and didn't say stuff i'd meant to say and ended up having an abrupt on-stage reality check that my brain is a bastard#who bullies me by telling me shit that isn't true#and now i'm like...so overwhelmed i feel like i'm gonna cry#too much thinking about my brain being a dick on multiple levels and feeling spread thin among my friends and worn out socially and also now#thinking about personal things i wasn't particularly planning to think about at 10pm tonight and just.#oh my god.#the next time i try to have an active social life someone lock me in a cupboard for a week#personal
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perhaps I will get more things on GOG. I admire their dreamlist program. Its an actually like, astonishing work of preservation for a lot of those games. plus they actually like, keep old games around for purchase in forms I could easily burn onto discs if I wanted to, so thats something. IDK what the general consensus is of GOG. As a massive piracy pervert I tend to just play things that way when I cant afford them, but 10$ for monkey island and other such games is pretty reasonable all things considered. -shrug- much to consider.
#I own some games on GOG already#the main reason I didnt do it more was that I had some friends for a while that played alot of stuff on steam#however#I no longer associate with most of those people and I have less qualms about splitting my library nowadays#plus as I mentioned it'd be fun to burn my own discs again#used to do that shit aaaaall the time for CDs and CD-ROM games#it'd be nice to load up UT2004 on a disc you know?#if anyone knows anything like. monumentally fucked with CDProjektRed lemme know I guess#otherwise it doesnt seem like a bad idea#been meaning to kinda migrate more towards GOG and itch.io
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from a quick glance it seems like they expected mc to go to RAD until they died
#okay im exaggerating#get ready for the rambling on stuff no one is paying attention too in ob3y me#idk enough about the lore to know if they had a graduation system set up BUT#i do know that mc officially joins the student council later in the story (or at least that theyre trying to join)#and when i think about how long the school has existed and how the brothers are just still going there cause theyre the student council#i cant help but think mc was kinda expected to just keep going to school forever#....they know mc isnt gonna live forever ever right?#like me personally i probably have 60 years left and thats me being EXTREMELY generous#and no way i would still be there willingly once i hit 30#....who tf wants to spend a majority of their lifespan in school#studying and doing homework and worrying about their grades#after the 2nd year id start planning to move out iwjidwjwd#id pull solomon to the side ask if he wants to room with me and we can split the housing costs lmaoo#if he says no id still move out and then id drop out#the only reason i dont ask asmo is cause i geniunely dont think hed want to move out away from his brothers#also im sure he wants to keep going to school#so its either sol or i go solo haha#id just feel weird staying at HOL as the only bitch not going to school lmao#also i dont want lucifers judging eyes on me. ik hed disapprove of the dropping out..not gonna stop me i just dont wanna be judged everyday#sorry this bugs me about the game...i cant let it go#im gonna go with it being a cultural thing#and being able to go to school forever is like peak happy fantasy. to me personally though its actual hell#this would be an interesting writing prompt tho#“how everyone reacts when you say youre dropping out of rad and moving out of HOL”#......the mcs life span is so short in comparison to everyones and i feel like all the characters forget that most of the time#LIKE theyre not being malicious its just ugh....does the mc not have anything else they wanna do in their life???#tho i was thinking about how time works in this game....how do these characters have time for the shenangian of the week and school#and hobbies and part time jobs#it doesnt really add up to me#what if theyre like only in school once a week LMAO
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#good god. good hell. not to be ungrateful for my life and comforts but im straight up not having a good time#setting in that the family members who have needed to borrow money are asking for more then they can give back#so im going to need to accept that im not getting most of that back#and im gonna need to learn to say no to people who i care for who need money i have that i can spare because everyone has shit self control#maybe with the money i save ill be able to replace stuff the people who borrow mock me for. like the torn jacket that i like.#or i can replace my computer for myself instead of waiting for a late christmas gift promise to finish itself after breaking down#or i can get a mattress that isnt so stuffed with mold that i can sleep on it without having an asthma attack#or maybe i can try moving to an apartment and splitting the rent with my brother#house was a whole lot cleaner when everyone else was away on vaccation.#people only talk to me when they want something so its not like i could miss them anymore then i already do#i wish i had a job i do NOT want to get a job everything is hell for not-hell rewards#if there was a little guinnea pig in a very very cold planet and it didnt freeze to death but was always in pain#theres a point where you would go like. okay show's over we tried.#and he and i a#im tired#theres a point where problems arent worth fixing and a point where the problems win. im not in the right mental space to judge.#im worried things wont get better and ill just need to grasp for less and less comfort as i live because itll still be better then nothing#knowing i cant trust my own judgement keeps me safe but is making me live for a future that might not happen#ill be honest i think its like. 1 in 20 of happening. but i cant trust my own judgement. unless its in hindsight.#venting ig
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First time having sex is awkward!
pairing :: Virgin!Megumi x Virgin!Reader
warning :: college/university AU, awkward sex, safe sex (finally), lingerie stuff, fingering, slight overstim, very soft, would you hate me if I said this wasn’t rly proof read, need this out of my drafts asap
note :: very inspired by @sonotpattismith fic Hold Me And Explore Me, here’s the link!
For the years you’ve been friends with Megumi you’ve never ever known him to discuss a single intimate topic. For the five months you’ve been in a relationship with him, that fact never changed.
Megumi was a prude, basically.
It wasn’t as though you were one to spill secrets about your personal moments either. Occasionally you’d let the odd story slip when drunk (mainly letting loose some poor experiences being felt up during your younger years of dating), but other than that, you kept your mouth shut.
So when Maki asked you a completely out of pocket question, both you and your boyfriend turned to ice.
“Have the two of you even fucked yet?”
No. Of course you haven’t. You hadn’t even come close! Despite the air being thickened by everyone’s collective drunkenness, you felt a small part of you would resent Maki for the rest of your life after putting you in this situation.
Your jaw slacked open and you took in a breath. The truth lilting on the tip of your tongue.
“Don’t ask personal questions like that.” Megumi cut, to everyone’s collective disappointment, they groaned. Somewhat tipsy himself, Megumi still had the clarity to get the others off your scent and thankfully his harsh words had sent them on another chatting spree devoid of your sex life.
Maki, keen gaze still locked on both you and Megumi, muttered a swift. “Guess you haven’t put that set to use, huh.” Before taking a sip of her vodka mix.
You flushed immediately, embarrassment mixing with the warm alcohol in your bloodstream, coating your cheeks a deep plum colour. Mortification filling your wide eyes, you glanced at Megumi who held an unbothered expression, one of boredom and calm.
But for a split second, his dark blues swiped over you and you caught the slightest hint of curiosity in his narrow gaze. What set?
You snapped your head forward, neck aching from the whiplash.
The ‘set’ Maki was referring to, was bought during a shopping trip Nobara invited both of you to. She needed a refill on her skincare items, Maki needed a new set of sports bras and you needed an excuse to leave your dorm room.
Maki’s chosen store was the closest, so the three of you headed there first. Inside, your eyes caught on the walls covered with expensive underwear made of lace and silk hanging on thin mannequins.
“I should get a new bra, too, my favourites are getting worn out.” Nobara mumbled, looking at the odd racks assembled by colour and size.
A particularly captivating bodysuit grabbed your attention; a smooth ivory piece decorated with straps and shining gemstones, having tuffs of silk peak out of the sides like a skirt and wings. The shiny fabric called to rest comfortably against your skin. It was the most expensive, being shown off at the front of the store to lure young women who wanted to wrap their pretty bodies and show off to their boyfriends. Just like you.
“That one’s too cutesy.” Nobara uttered, following your tranced gaze. “Lingerie is a scam anyway, truth is men don’t even care. They just take it off.”
That was right, Nobara had had sex. Unlike you.
“Would you… help me pick something nice out?” You asked, a gentle and shy invitation.
Despite her previous slander of lingerie, her cheeks glowed in excitement. “Sure. For you and Fushiguro, right?”
“I guess so.” You kindly but nervously replied. Nobara lead you deeper into the store, coming to a back wall with more designs, all notably darker with plenty more lace.
She gazed over the options. “What do you usually like to wear?” She asked.
“I don’t know— nothing?” You responded, awkward hand lifting to fiddle with a purple bralet.
Nobara side eyed you, giving a suspicious look before she asked— much too casually. “First time?”
“Yes.” You nodded, the fabric of the bralet suddenly becoming very interesting!
“First time with Fushiguro, or?” Her trail lilted delicately, hopefully displaying herself as a safe person to spill your secrets to.
“First, first time.” You uttered quietly.
In a quick swish, Nobara grabbed your shoulders and pulled you to her. “Seriously?” She asked.
“Yes, seriously. Is it hard to believe?” You frowned, too mortified for her questioning.
She nodded. “Yes! You’re a total catch.”
“Well, it’s not like I’ve never done anything.” You added, hands defensively rising to your chest. “I’ve been in relationships before, I’ve—” you lowered your voice. “I’ve fooled around.”
“Oh I bet you have.” She added, grin replacing her surprised gape.
“Stop it, you’re so embarrassing.” You pushed against her shoulder, freeing yourself from her death grip.
“Okay, first set, first set.” Mind now back to the mission, she returned to the racks of bras and thongs. “You should have something simple, but sexy. Black, too.”
“Why black?” Plenty of other colours filled the store.
“Fushiguro likes dark things, so he’ll like black on you.” The sensible explanation left her with a shrug.
Would that really be the case? Would Megumi look at your body being cupped by expensive black fabric and yearn for you? You could hardly imagine it. Megumi was never eager for anything, he was the type of guy to react to things with tame calmness. Would he blush? Reach to touch you? Kiss you?
Nobara handed you a neat, black matching bra and thong. “Go try this on.” She instructed, offering you an encouraging smile.
Face to face with your lewdly dressed body and flushed expression in the dressing room only made your anxiousness grow. Nobara had picked a beautiful set, a nicely patterned lace bra broken up by thick black straps pushed up your boobs, coined by a gemstone hanging off the middle. Small ripples of black sheer peaked from the supportive boning, similarly decorating the thin black straps curving around your hips holding up the lacy thong which too, had a gemstone hanging off the centre.
Fuck, Nobara had good taste.
But despite the fact you bought the matching underwear a month ago, nothing came of it. You’d worn it every single time you saw Megumi; a casual date at the park, an afternoon out at the movies, a night in lounging around. Just in case, you had thought, just in case something happens.
And because you wore them everytime you saw Megumi, they clung to your body now, at the very party Maki judged you for not having shown them off yet.
You sipped at your bitter alcohol mix, avoiding both the stares of your boyfriend and your friend. Nobara’s chanting became a welcome distraction, telling Yuji to ‘drink drink drink!’ Down his can of rum. Everyone cheered at his final gulp, including you.
Megumi, however, remained silent.
When the night came to a tired end (at about two in the morning), Megumi and yourself walked to your dorm in a sobering stumbled.
Arms around his neck, you brought Megumi into the plush bed with you, planting messy kisses along his hairline and laughing about the mischief of the night. “Itadori is going to be so hungover.” You muttered.
“Hm.” He thoughtlessly replied, craning his head so your lips made contact with his instead. He leaned over you, slowly letting his body sink into yours and sandwiching you between the bed and him.
In these moments of privacy you felt closest to Megumi. He’d unabashedly pull you in, kiss you and hold you tight.
You hummed against his lips, bringing your hands up to rake your nails through his hair, a trick you knew would immediately cause him to go soft against you, and he did, waist falling between your legs and hands twitching against your sides. He groaned softly and you wished you could record the sound and add it to a private playlist.
Chasing the mild heat in your abdomen, you furthered the kisses shared, moving into making out instead of peppery pecks. He followed you, daring to nip at your bottom lip (a habit he’d picked up from the one time you did it to him).
Your legs wrapped around his hips, pulling his warmth in closer. That shift was what made both your clothed sexes connect. Jolted by the feeling, Megumi slipped from your lips to your ear, whispering a breathy command.
“Show me your set.”
He wasn’t even quite sure what he was asking, but he had an idea, a lewd idea. He knew he needed to know what Maki was talking about, what she knew about his girlfriend that he didn’t.
You gulped, an audible squeak catching in your throat. “You really want to see?” You asked.
He nodded silently, watching your every move as you hesitantly lifted your shirt up and over your head. His narrow eyes grew wide at the sight of your tits cupped by the stunning black garment. You hid in the pillow behind you, digging half your face into the plush at his bewildered expression.
Megumi’s hand had already began moving without him thinking. In what seemed like slow motion, his large palm came to fit around your boob. His thumb rubbed over the soft lace and because of its thin fabric, you gasped as it tickled your sensitive middle.
The noise sobered Megumi from his drunk, tranced state and he pulled his hand away like it had acted on its own free will. He sat up, eyes concentrated on your flushed, messy figure. Fuck, he was so in love with you it hurt.
“I should go.” He uttered softly, pressing a curt kiss to your head.
“What? But—” You babbled something, voice cracking.
“This isn’t a good time, it’s late, you’re drunk.” He reassured your rejection with another kiss.
“You won’t stay?” You asked, leaving you as more of a plea.
“Not tonight.” He finished. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
You were then left empty and cold, and despite wrapping yourself in layers of blankets, you felt as naked as ever. The question what was wrong with you? Pulling you into a drunkenly tear filled sleep.
The next morning, the barking of your third alarm pulled you from your slumber. You smacked at the screen of your phone, lifting your now throbbing head from the sweet embrace of your pillow.
Almost immediately Megumi’s rejection of you last night reminded you why your eyes were so crusty with dried tears. However, you didn’t have much time to linger on it, already being late for your morning lecture.
Lunch was when you saw Megumi next. You were reading over your papers in the yard with a furrowed brow, your phone to your ear.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” You asked.
“I mean I don’t know! You’ve know Fushiguro pretty much the same amount of time I have, why don’t you know if he’s had sex?” Nobara snapped back, voice slightly fuzzy through your phone. “Oh, let’s not forget the fact you’re also his girlfriend!”
“I know, I just— ugh. Why is this so complicated?” You huffed.
“It really isn’t, girl. You’re just making it complicated.” She added back, unfiltered judgment in her tone.
“I know, I know.” You were weak before her unwavering moral superiority.
“Talk to him. Neither of you did anything wrong, he was probably still drunk and didn’t want to show you he had whisky dick or maybe he is a virgin and was just too nervous to fuck you.” You wondered for a brief moment who Nobara was around that could hear her talk about your (lack of) sex life.
“I doubt it.” You murmured. Finally your eyes caught the tall shadow that was Megumi and you fiddle to catch your phone as it dropped from your hand. “I gotta go, he’s here. Bye!”
One hand deep in his pocket and the other carrying a bag bloated with book, Megumi walked to you, standing tall over your sitting self.
“Nobara?” He asked, head jutting towards your phone.
“Yup, she uh— just won’t stop calling me.” You breathily laughed, stupidly covering the fact you had been the one calling her nonstop.
His careful eyes surveyed you, immediately grabbing something was amiss. “Hungover?”
Lord knew you weren’t going to bring up last night if he didn’t. You’d rather let it die in the past. “I was this morning, but I’m alright now.” You offered a kind, but forced smile. “You okay?” You returned, gazing up at him.
With the baggy top you’d hurriedly put on this morning, Megumi could see past the collar, eyes catching the familiar black bra. You were so rushed this morning, you didn’t have time to change it. His heart squeezed painfully, hand twitching as it recalled the feeling of the fabric. The same hand that fucked his dick until he came thinking of you once he was alone. Fuck, he was pathetic. “I’m fine.” He gritted. Even through the drunk haze of the prior night, that memory of you below him was as clear as day in his mind.
“You’ve got baseball this afternoon, right? Do you want to come over afterwards?” You asked.
“I can, why?” So you could show him more of your gorgeous body?
“Just to hangout, n’ chat.” You added, as casually as possible. Technically you weren’t lying.
“I’ll come.” He assured. His hands lifted to touch you, but Megumi decided better, shoving it back into his pocket. “Will I see you at practice?”
“I’ll be there.” You smiled.
You’d watched Megumi play baseball since he was young, having been one of his biggest supporters (besides Gojo, of course) since you two became friends. You’d love to watch him play, sitting on a nearby bench with a book to read or your computer to finish an assignment.
Megumi had never admitted it out loud, but before each swing of his bat, he’d gaze out into the empty audience chairs to catch a glimpse of you. You were always there, always looking at him.
It never failed to make his heart swell, even after the two of you began dating, seeing you sit there just for him was the kind of loyalty that made Megumi obsessed with you.
Today, though, it seemed Megumi had more on his mind than he usually did. It was so obvious in the way he played. He was distracted.
On the walk back to your dorm, you could tell he was clearly unimpressed by himself.
Once inside, you excused yourself to the bathroom just to freshen up.
Reflecting from your mirror like a ghost haunting you, hung your cleanly washed thong. Now dry and ready to be worn. Maybe, just maybe, finally ready to be seen. The old habit still clawed you, just in case, you thought, just in case something happens.
You slipped out of the bathroom, a sudden nervousness taking you. “Hey, can we talk?” You asked, finding a seat next to Megumi on your bed.
His furrowed expression disappeared the moment he heard your tone and his eyes lifted to you expectantly. You inhaled.
“I’ve got to tell you something.” You stated, voice wavering despite your desire to sound sure.
“Yeah?”
“I’m a virgin.” You finally uttered.
“Oh, okay.” You could hear in his voice, the slightest hint of bewilderment. Mostly at the suddenness.
“I’ve never had a dick in me, okay? So I’m nervous.” You let the words out like Megumi had you tied up, forcing a confession out of you. A tight pause filled the air as you let the weight of your secret fill the room.
“Why are you so embarrassed? It’s not like I’ve had sex, either.” Megumi’s narrow eyes squinted at his furrowed brow. His cheeks tinted pink, clearly out of his comfort zone to admit this.
“You haven’t?” You felt free of an imaginary weight that lifted from your chest.
“Yes? You’ve been my only girlfriend, I assumed you would’ve just guessed.”
“So nothing? No hookups or anything?”
“Not my thing.”
Your chest bubbled with a freeing excitement. You’d have to thank Nobara later and let her know she’s the goddess of advice. “Thank God, I was so worried.” You exhaled.
“Worried?” His hand came to grasp your arm. Had he seriously done something to make you worry?
“When you left last night, I thought I did something wrong or—”
Fuck. Of course. “No, you didn’t.” He squeezed your arm. He was just an idiot, a drunk, horny idiot. “It was the alcohol, I didn’t think it was a good idea. You didn’t do anything. You were perfect.” His eyes avoided you, cheeks growing darker.
Was he embarrassed? You kissed his jaw, eagerly planting a peck free of doubt.
The kiss seemed to break him from his mumbling as he adjusted your aim, pulling your chin up and kissing your lips. He kissed you again, and you could feel it in his affection too, an excitement to explore you, be the first to learn your body.
To reach his lips better, you moved to straddle Megumi, planting yourself on his lap and letting yourself be enveloped by his affection.
He pulled you down with him as his back fell into the mattress and as you rocked on his lap, you felt the line of his dick through his pants.
Then reality hit you. You two were going to do it. You sat up, blinking at the boy beneath you.
“…Hey.” You peeped, a stupid joking tone wrapping your words.
“Hey.” Megumi replied, his own words threaded with dull awkwardness.
“Do you.. come here often?” You continued, hands fiddling with the collar of his shirt.
He exhaled sharply, amused. “I do.”
“Same.” You nodded slowly. Another flustered moment of silence passed over you.
Megumi’s mind seemed clouded and unbothered by the pause, eyes becoming focused on your shirt. You could guess what he was thinking about.
“I’m wearing it again.” You muttered. His eyes flickered to you, holding an intense gaze you’d only seen him have in serious situations of concentration. “Do you want to see?”
His jaw clenched, and he nodded once. “Yes.”
You offered your shirt to him, prompting him to be the one to take it off you. His thick hands took the fabric, slowly pulling it up and over your head. His eyes caught on the black set again. Now, his gaze weakened, still tense but clouded by a soft desire.
Finally letting in to what he really wanted to do to you the previous night, Megumi sat up, cradling your abdomen to keep you stilled on top of him as he pressed a kiss to the skin that spilled out of your bra. He lightly sucked, no doubt hoping to leave a red mark.
“Megumi.” You softly murmured. The sound pricked his ears like a melody. He continued, more driven kissing and sucking up until he reached your collar bone and cheek.
Face just below your own, Megumi gazed up at you with his usually bored eyes, but currently they were anything but, holding a softness for you that could only be explained away by love. Riddle in the blue of his irises held the deep specks of lust. You wanted more, wanted to see his eyes flutter from pleasure.
Megumi’s thoughts similarly danced along the same trail as your own but despite his somewhat tame expression they were nasty compared to your own. Mostly, they lingered south. His fingers hooked the sides of your pants.
“I want to see the bottom pair.” He murmured, fierce eyes pinning you to his command.
“O-Okay.” You shyly huffed, moving back so Megumi could undress you with more ease. His eyes lingered on your own as he slid off your bottoms, like a boy closing his eyes as he opened his birthday gift so he could be more surprised by the reveal of it fully unwrapped in front of him. As much as you wanted to shy from his gaze, you couldn’t.
Finally your pants were off, tossed off the bed with your shirt. You watched his gaze flicker to your thong, and you shivered at the exposure. He leaned in, hands resting on your knees in an attempt to let you know he wanted them open, you didn’t comply, far too embarrassed. “Pretty.” He muttered. The swarm of butterflies in your stomach fluttered uncontrollably.
One of his hands snaked down your thigh, coming to grasp the gemstone hanging from the front strap. He twisted it between his thumb and index finger, and you badly wished it he’d play with your clit like that.
Then, his hand dragged over the lace fabric, so dangerously close to your bundle of nerves that your legs creaked opened on pure instinct. Megumi huffed at your bodies desire to be touched, taking the moment of weakness to slip himself between your legs.
Lower now, his fingers dared to slide over your clit. You gasped and his hand stunted.
“Feel okay?” He breathed, lust kissed eyes glowering at you. Don’t make him stop, not yet. Not when he was finally able to feel you.
“Feels good.” You murmured. Megumi’s jaw slacked and he panted a suppressed grunt at your pathetic words. Almost immediately he continued the motion, familiarising himself with what spots of your cunt would made you hiccup and your tummy twitch. “M-Megumi.” You whined with no real purpose behind your plea.
Hot, it was becoming too hot. He left your pussy for a second, pulling off his shirt and tossing it like he had your pants. Your cheeks blazed at his thin but muscled body. You’d only ever caught sight of his abs on a windy day, never had you seen his bare chest before. His skin was so smooth and light, your fingers begged to memories each curve and bump.
He closed the space between you, coming to press messy pecks on your lips whilst his hand returned to your cunt. Your hands rested against his thudding chest, letting yourself fall into the bedding.
“I can feel your heart beat.” You huffed, somewhat excited by the rapid pace. “Nervous?” You asked, a teasing prod.
“Eager.” He corrected, collecting your lips in another kiss.
His ring and index calmly slid up and down, the tips of his fingers daring over the patch of wet forming around your sex. You wanted to do the same, wanted so desperately to feel more of his body, but your nails stilled, dug into his chest waiting for some kind of permission you couldn’t even ask for.
And Megumi, the utter mind reader, took your wrist with his free hand and led you on a trail down his abdomen. He must’ve felt your hesitancy and made the move for you, that, or he was desperate to feel your hands wander over his body.
And your featherlight fingers curved over the dips of his abs. In reaction to your sweet touch, you felt his rubbing become messy and he pressed hard against your clit. You gasped into his mouth, nails scraping against his tight stomach and his jaw clenched tight, swallowing a grunt.
“More, Megs, please.” You blurted, hole dripping and utterly prepped for whatever Megumi wanted to stuff inside you.
He remained somewhat levelheaded, thinking that if he fucked you now, he’d cum too quick and this would be all over. He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you unsatisfied. So despite his aching cock, his fingers dipped under your thong and circled your weeping cunt. He was going to savour every single second.
Slowly, he pushed past the rings of your wet chasm. And fuck. His fingers and dick must’ve been connected, because he could’ve sworn he felt the ghost of your inside around him just like they were around his fingers.
His cock twitched, leaking a fat blob of precum. “Shit.” The way your pussy jumped at his curse didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“Oh God— Megumi, hng.” Your legs weakened, turning to jelly at the feeling of his warm fingers pressing against your tight, sensitive walls. Megumi’s two digits were thicker and rugged from gripping a bat all his life, the perfect size and texture against your trembling insides and otherworldly compared to your own.
“Good?” He asked.
“Yea— mhm.” Your eyes fluttered shut, hands hesitating over Megumi’s torso until they gripped his tensed arms.
His mouth hung open, too distracted by massaging your insides to dedicate his lips to you. Hot pants filled your mouth as you desperately kissed him, each breath of his slowly filling with grunts to the symphony of your whines. Each moan from you battered his dick, making it pulse painfully for you.
His fingers chased your twitching hips, pushing in deeper each time you squirmed from the sensation. Until the tips of his fingers slid against the spongey sweet spot inside of you that was hidden in the curve of your chasm.
“Right there!” You squealed, the hight of your voice surprising both of you. “Curl your fingers— Mh! just like that.”
He did so, pushing his digits against the sweet spot, lightly pressing and smoothing over the area. You trembled beneath him, clinging to his body like he was your life support.
Megumi loved every second of it, watching your body contort from just his fingers. He just wanted to watch you like this, utterly drunk on pleasure, for forever.
He wanted to make cum so badly it was driving him mad.
“Ohh, please don’t stop.” How could he? Your pussy had just begun clenching around him so gorgeously, tightening like the building orgasm inside you.
Megumi had only realised you’d cum after you yelped his name and your walls sucked on his fingers, trying to milk them of cum. He wanted so badly to feel the sensation around his cock.
“Hng— thank you, thank you.” You babbled embarrassingly, kissing along Megumi’s throat.
He couldn’t stand it anymore, the lack of you around his dick, uncomfortably he palmed his boxers, trying to adjusted his blood filled cock.
The trance of afterglow seemed to subside as you gazed over Megumi’s frustration. Although you were undone, you still craved more of him inside your fuzzy chasm. “More?” You asked, an invitation.
Megumi nodded, thanking the heavens you weren’t done with him. His hand dug into the wallet in his pant pocket, digging out a condom. He pulled it out, half pruned fingers covered in your slick attempting to tear it open.
It was like you’d been slapped in the face with the curt realisation that he had prepared for this. Just as you went to buy lingerie, Megumi had gone and bought condoms. He must’ve thought it could’ve happened at any moment to keep one in his wallet.
He brought the wrapper to his teeth, being frustrated with his inability to open it and tore it open with his clenched teeth. You sucked in a breath at his flimsy eagerness.
The bashfulness that came with revealing himself seemed to skip Megumi’s mind, as he pulled down his baggy pants to let his leaking cock free of the fabric.
Your eyes shot up to the ceiling, needing to look elsewhere as you heard him slide on the plastic birth control. From the glimpse you did catch you could tell he was thin and long. Your attention dived back down once you left a gentle hand rest on your hip, his thumb rubbing over the bone.
His eyes, once you met them, held a simple question; are you ready?
You nodded, closing your eyelids and bracing for his length. However the feeling never came, only his lips as they trailed from your tummy, over your bra and up to your lips.
Your hands cradled his head, nails dragging across his scalp and he grunted. This felt familiar, the feeling of his body softening against yours as you pressed simple kisses onto one another’s lips. Through the intimacy, you felt Megumi readjust, pulling your underwear to the side and lining his tip against your sopping sex.
Closer now, you hugged him through the stress. He slowly sunk into you, the plastic of the condom feeling cool against your hot insides. “Fuck.” He hissed, nipping at your bottom lip.
You sobbed, letting the sensation of being filled by your boyfriend feed your mouth with curses.
He entered slowly, just as much for you as it was for him. His face, flushed red and eyes fluttering in pleasure. You not far from the same, mouth agape with lewd noises spewing out.
He bottomed out when your hips met, taking a brief minute to calm your collective gasps. You gazed down, drowsily taking in the enrapturing sight of you two being connected. Megumi moaned weakly at your smitten stare, feeling himself fall apart from inside you.
“S’okay?” He asked.
“Y-Yes, you can move.” You permitted desperately.
He drawled his hips out carefully, rolling inwards again. Your insides still buzzed from his fingers, raw and sensitive to his filling cock. He could feel you spasm around him, forcing friction when he desperately needed you to be still so he didn’t cum prematurely.
Another breathless curse left him as his length dived back into you. “Oh fuck— I love you.” You gaped at the words, wondering suddenly was that the first time he’s ever said that?
He rolled his hips again, breaking up your quick declaration. “Love— mh— you.”
He cradled you, pulling your body in with his unlikely strength as he fucked you gently. You’d never felt so close to another person before, having him so deep within you, filling your body with pleasure.
Megumi had lost most of his composure, becoming a vocal mess as he humped into your heavenly insides.
“So tight.” He uttered into your skin. “S’perfect.” He kissed your skin, sucking hard hickies into your chest and neck.
“Mnh— love you, hng.” You repeated, too cock drunk to babble anything else.
Messier now, his hip rolls became somewhat frantic, chasing the building mountain of his orgasm. “S-Shit— I’m gonna cum.” The statement rolled off his tongue in a pathetic whine, another crack from his usual composure.
“Don’t s-stop! Please, Gumi ahh.” You were already being worked to your second orgasm, you couldn’t bare to be emptied of him before you reached your high. Your legs wrapped around him, keeping Megumi in.
“Ngh— fffuck.” He plowed harder now, his cock tip perfectly fucking against your sweet spot. Suddenly his tame thrusts became a stuttering mess as he muffled your name into your shoulder.
You could feel him orgasm, feel his cock jerk, feel his cum bloat the tip of the condom inside you.
Noticing him slow, you rolled your hips, desperately fucking yourself onto his mid-orgasm dick.
His hands smack at your sides, attempting you to pull you off his overstimulated dick.
“Almost almost almost—” You pleaded.
With what he had left in him, Megumi took your hips and helped you grind yourself on his cock. He bit your shoulder, muffling the pained moans leaving him.
“Fuck!” You squeaked, his dick slid over your g-spot again, finally bringing you to your spine tingling orgasm. Your insides spasmed around Megumi’s dick, and he whined at the feeling, growing painfully hard again.
Your body went limp, as did the tight hold you had on Megumi. Both your bodies sat panting, utterly fucked out and glistening with sweat.
Raising from you, Megumi looked over your flushed, messy state, his cock still warm fitted inside you. He savoured the sight, thinking that if he could take a photo of this, he’d keep it in his wallet.
“We should shower.” He murmured, painting kisses along your shoulder.
“Mhm, okay.” You nodded.
Fuzzy insides retracting as Megumi slipped from you, you sighed longingly, whilst he grunted, disappointed he couldn’t live inside you.
You groggily sat up, kissing him before attempting to move off the bed but Megumi kept you back, hooking a finger around the strap of your bra.
“How much was the set?” He asked.
“Uhm, not much, Nobara helped me pay for it so—”
“I’ll buy you another one.”
The heat that had just left your cheeks suddenly returned.
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