#and i still want to do singing stuff in my adult life...but where to do That...hmmmmm

[humansofnewyork]

“I was making adults cry, with my voice. At the age of six. Everyone recognized my talent. And that’s when I began to tell myself a story: ‘You’re just as good as anyone else, or even better. You deserve everything you want.’ It was a bit egotistical. But it was the story I needed back then. I needed a story to make me feel enthusiastic, to make me fight. I came to the city at the age of 22; it was a perfect time to be in the New York City jazz scene. I got to sing on stage with Dizzy Gillespie, Joe Williams, Betty Carter. I ended up falling in love with another jazz singer. We became a duet, had some success, raised our children on the road. But then we fell apart, and so did our careers. I was never able to build it back to what it had been. Now I’m watching my kids succeed more than me. It makes me feel like I did my job as a mother: I was able to pass down everything I know. But it can be painful, too. Because they’re doing everything I desired most: they’re on stage, sharing their talents, being recognized. There’s a voice inside me that says: ‘You deserve that too. There’s still time. You can still do that.’ But that’s not the story I need to tell myself anymore. I don’t need a story to help me fight. I need a story to help me feel good in the moment. There’s this more mature part of me that says: Relax. You did a good job. You did a lot of stuff. The earth life only offers so many types of experiences. And I got to play so many parts: I got to be a singer, yes. But also the faithful daughter, the free-spirited girl who went off to explore the world, the pot-smoking hippie, the wild woman, the fool, the lover, the wife, the scorned woman, and the giving mother. Now I feel like I’m getting back to the Kim I was when I was five, before the story began: joking around, singing to my cat, singing to people on the street. Being happy for everyone else. Not worrying about getting ahead. Believing everything is going to work out. And that I’m exactly where I was always supposed to be.”

[obae-me]

Help I submitted that "MC's immune to Luci's siren song" ask and the brainrot has gotten so much worse- There's just so much substance to it! It inherently messes with Lucifer's ego and sense of pride, at the start of his and MC's relationship he's probably silently seething 24/7 cause what do you mean this random human he's never heard of before is entirely immune to all of his hypnosis magic???? In my headcanon of this whole AU the MC's on the more oblivious side when it comes to Lucifer's plan to keep trying to seduce them into the water, not to the point of stupidity, like no matter how much Lucifer insists they take a dip in the water they refuse unless it's like a tidepool or something cause they are aware of a sirens reputation, but still you know what I mean they're under the impression that after their first encounter Lucifer just innocently wants to be close with them and nothing else Agh and the SCENARIOS you can get with this. Okay- Like imagine with me if you will, Lucifer and the MC are spending time with one another in a secluded shallow pool of water (think like a tidepool or something similar where the waters are too shallow to properly drown in as a full grown adult), the two are kind of goofing around with one another and something something bam! MC finds themselves pinned down by and completely underneath Lucifer, and Lucifer has a thought... He could kill them right now. It's not the typical way for sirens to hunt their prey but he could use his razor sharp claws and teeth to kill and eat them like he had intended to since he met them. But, despite that being the extremely obvious solution to his "problem", Lucifer hesitates, and he finds that he's unable to will his body into harming MC, he just can't do it. And how ridiculous is that?!! The Lucifer, one of if not the most fiercest hunter of all the sirens, the man responsible for countless human deaths, finds himself unable to kill one. simple. human. How ridiculous is that?! Honourable mention the angst you could get in a situation where the MC finds out Lucifer was just planning to drown and eat them the whole time even if that's changed ("So.. Nothing we had was even real...?" type stuff) or say other sirens (not the other brothers/dateables just some random npc type characters) catch wind of MC and while they know they can't hypnotize them into the water they're not above using more forceful ways to drown them. There's so much fun to be had with this AU!!! My undying love for Luci and mermaids compels me to brainrot about it!!!!!! Monster forbidden romance for the in baybeeeeeeeee-

Screaming from the rooftops till my throat goes raw.

Drowning in a pool of my own tears.

The brainrot is real!!

Oh my god... I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful this is.

There is so much ANGST potential! Say, for example, the reason why MC was out there that first night was to run away from something that happened in their life. They made it all the way to a rocky beach with no one but them and the water, and then all of a sudden, they hear the singing...and it's the most beautiful sound in the world. It immediately makes them feel better. And then of course, it came from one of the most beautiful beings they'd ever seen.

Sure they'd heard stories about sirens and their calls, and so they keep themselves safe in the shallows. However, they maybe thought that he kept coming to see them because...maybe there was something there. Anytime they were sad or stressed, they came to see him, and he made everything feel better. God, the way he smiled at them when they talked about their day. The way he asked questions to get to know them better.

That was all a lie? An elaborate manipulation? Just waiting for their guard to lower enough? How...horrible...

And so they stop going to see him. But they hate being away from the water when they're sad, so they head to different locations.

Only, there's several other sirens who have heard of rumors of the human who resisted the famous Lucifer's songs. If they managed to steal Lucifer's hunt...well, that appeals to more than a few.

They're in danger now, and they hardly even know it till they're in the thick of it.

And there's only one person who can help them.

Anon, this is so good. I can't take it.

[scaly-freaks]

inmate 13453

okay don't get excited, i just felt like writing a bit of a drabble to feel out the atmosphere of a potential start to this au (clicking the tag will give up the other stuff i've posted for it btw)

btw check out the playlist and the pinterest board made by @theageofsilver and @allicentsallure bc they're fab

cw: kidnapping

Soft seventeen.

Bambi eyes, bambi legs.

There’s a certain edge to the way people describe the age she’s at. Not quite eighteen, not quite legal, tangible as cherry juice on greedy fingers. She isn’t sixteen, sweet and tender. It’s a soft first step into adulthood, skirting the border, the in between, the unknowable horrors that lie ahead.

She fucking hates being seventeen.

It’s a shit number first of all. Odd numbers make her want to spew. They feel like nails on a chalkboard, polyester static on leg hair. She can’t even dance, so whatever ABBA are singing about doesn’t apply.

Amara sticks out her tongue and tastes the air as the breeze blows west. She swears she can get a sense of the world when she does.

Her stepfather mocks her for it. That blue-eyed, blonde maniac with the ugly Buick Electra he treats like a brand-name Italian from the southern coasts of Europe. He used to treat her mother the same. Until he began to tell Amara you look just like her when she was young. He leaves his porn tabs open on his computer, as if he wants her to know. ‘Teen’, ‘Latina’, ‘Stepfather’, ‘Rough’, ‘Face-fucking’, ‘Breeding.’

She doesn’t have a drop of Hispanic blood in her.

She really wants to tell her mother, but there is a chance her mother will look right through her instead. She’s been doing that a lot more nowadays. They can’t afford her meds anymore. She just sits on the porch and watches and waits. For what, is anyone's guess.

>> can you pick me up?

>> its dark

>> pls

>> sorry ik its inconvienant

'Step-Daddy' always replies quickly when it’s her. He has a heart next to her name on his phone. She never agreed to that.

>> it’s spelled inconvenient

“Suck my dick,” Amara tells the screen and switches her phone off before he can message again.

She can walk.

The route back runs dangerously close to the edge of the forest. All kinds rot away in there, but she doesn’t like to think of them by name. They’ll become real if she does. She wishes her mother had found a man who lived in the wetlands, and not here at the cursed border between life and the realm beyond. Marshes are easier to understand. Forests are cursed.

Still, life is horribly simple here. Her high school is placid and filled with the dull-eyed children of dull-eyed adults. The gas station where she works didn’t bother to interview her. She walked in and the guy behind the counter stared at her breasts until he remembered she had a face. Her breasts aced the interview for her.

Can I work here? Just until I graduate.

Sure, grab a nametag.

Four months later, and she doesn’t mind it anymore. Her brain shuts off. Her customers are a ragtag mixture of suspicious, ferret-eyed locals and the occasionally buoyant hiker from out of state. If she doesn’t look like she belongs, she’s pretty, and that usually gives people like her a pass. At least until the sleazy comments become ethnically charged. But even then, Amara has a way of making her eyes go ‘dopey’ and just smiling like she’s too slow to understand. Displaying discomfort is what eggs them on (kind of a nasty realisation she opened her eyes to one day).

An engine growls some way down the road.

Old Chevy pickup, faded gold.

She recognises it from the parking lot at the station near the end of her shift.

A guy stepped out, young, early twenties, with a shock of hair that looked white until she realised it was just really, really blonde. She remembers thinking it was odd. The range of blondes in town runs from deep and dirty to the artificial bleach rattled out of holographic boxes of dye. No one has hair like his. She’d have noticed.

His eyebrows were a little darker, and his lashes were darker still. He had a funny way of walking, and he looked at her like she had the head of a fish and the body of a human being. Amara did her best dopey eyes. She asked him if he’d had a good day, pointed out the offers they had on pork rinds. He didn’t say a word. His skin had smears of black grease, glistening with sweat and bronzed by the sun.

Deep blue eyes.

Horribly deep.

Not the kind you’d want to swim in. She likes a softer blue, blue like chlorine, reminiscent of the safety of swimming pools. His were anything but.

She picks up her speed, and for some reason, puts her phone to her ear as if mid-conversation. Nothing about him said he was dangerous at the time. At least not from the way he’d barely said a word or looked down at her body. He was just there, and then he was gone.

And now here he is again.

The Chevy hits the horn. He is creeping closer. Amara turns and waves at him to go on. She doesn’t want a ride. Why isn’t he rolling down the window to offer one though?

It slows to a crawl. Her throat closes up. She has a feeling speeding up will give him what he wants. He’s obviously trying to be a prick. But if she goes back to talk to him, that would be exponentially worse. She switches her phone back on and sees her stepfather’s message telling her to get back home herself after she didn’t reply to tell him her location.

She quickly shoots him a message, and prays he’ll respond.

He doesn’t.

Fuck it.

She walks faster. The Chevy matches the increase. Sweat blooms on the back of her neck.

Every woman has that oh fuck moment. That I’m going to be on the evening news moment. The please god if he catches me let him kill me before he gets to raping me moment.

None of that goes through her head. She keeps thinking of her mother’s cooking. Her mother hasn’t cooked in a year and a half, not since her mind began to slip. But Amara can taste the spices on her tongue, the way the rice was perfectly simmered, the cinnamon in the back of her throat, the smell that clung to the walls, the heat of it.

I wanna come home, Momma.

Her mother’s face gathers into shape in her head, built with sand particles and saltwater. When the Chevy roars, she starts running. Her mother vanishes.

The lights of the truck blink across the tarmac. It’s a signal. But it isn’t for her.

She looks over her shoulder, and she can’t see him.

Run me over. Leave me like carrion on the road. Let the maggots eat me. Don’t cut me up first.

He slows when she starts to tire out. Picks up when she tries again. No other car has graced this road since she first turned onto it. A sign points her to the right, ushering her deeper into the backwoods. The town is to the left.

He figures out where she’s going when she suddenly makes a dash for the bend in the road.

There’s no time to dodge the pickup when it goes for her this time. The wheels skid as he yanks it at an angle and blocks her way. The door flies open and misses her by an inch. His arm grabs for her. She dodges, animal fear and rust on her tongue. He still doesn’t say a word.

A heavy fist connects with the small of her back and she drops like a stone.

The pain is electric. Air turns her lungs into taut balloons, but she can’t make a sound. She twists around and the bruise forming over her spine grates. Adrenaline quickly numbs it as she lashes out with her arms and legs. Kicking, punching, scratching, biting. Her teeth hit home. A mouthful of tattooed flesh, car oil and sweat. Still no sound from him.

She never sees the fist coming, just like last time.

A blow to the head and lights out, nancy.

[papermonkeyism]

Poking at the dinosaur project thingy, this time with some production technicalities point of view.

Here be musings.

I originally thought of the project as a calendar, then a series of calendars that could be collected into an art book once enough art had been made for it, and at some point I thought of just skipping the calendar part and going straight for art books.

I've been going back and forth between those options multiple times over the years, and it's still kinda open. Like on one hand a simple calendar with just thirteen illustrations (twelve months plus cover) is the easiest and cheapest option, though pretty limited (what to do once the year presented in the calendar ends, and you still got unsold leftover stock?), and the other hand art books are big projects requiring lots of work, even more money, but be a lasting and very satisfying thing to have.

Maybe I should take a middle road and make a zine instead?

Maybe.

Though, this is where the shape of the actual project comes in.

I've always planned the project as having a slice of life style format, with little story and more focus in exploring the setting. Kinda just looking in and enjoying the view while you go. But I've noticed that keeping the "narration" as illustrations kinda keeps the immersion at arm's length too. While that is fine and dandy for a calendar where the space for any narrative would be very limited anyway, if I was going to do more with the setting, I kinda need something deeper. Even if the audience is fine just looking at pretty pictures, with ADHD it would be better to have something deeper to help keep me personally invested enough to actually plan, plot and produce the materials needed.

Should I make an actual story, with plot and stuff? Feels kinda unnecessary for a thing focusing on just illustrations, and I don't know if I really "click" with a text heavy picture book format. I kinda feel it would make comic as the best option, though that has its own downsides. I've always wanted to do full colour paintings of the dinosaurs, yet going comic it would have to simplify a lot and make it grayscale just to keep me sane. And, as someone who has done well over 250 pages of a long form comic, that's still a HUGE commitment I don't think I have the resources - mental, physical nor financial - to pull off.

I also kinda feel having a plot story would sort of detract from the "exploring the world" aspect and put more heavy focus on characters, which. Well, it's not *bad* exactly, just not quite what I want.

(Also I am aware the dinosaur clan I have has a kid character, and I don't want to make her the point of view character for the story. I have no interest doing a childrens' book. I mean, I am perfectly fine if kids do eventually end up liking my stuff, but I don't consider them my target audience. My target audience is me, an adult person in their later 30s, and a handful of nerds I consider friends and/or mutuals.)

Another option I've been toying with is kind of a double edged sword.

Those who got the Almost Real speculative evolution zine volume 5 got a bit of a taste of this, as I kinda tried it out there.

So... I've gone to pretty great lengths as a layperson to work in the setting of the project thingy. It's always bothered me when dinosaurs get just dumped into a story with no regards to when and where they actually lived, making for an anachronistic hodgepodge of what's popular forming into a mismatched fantasy setting, usually with throwing humans into the mix. I don't like that. I'm more interested in seeing the actual animals as they were, when they were and where they were, where the focus is in the dinosaurs themselves. Thus the limit to Two Medicine formation (with some of the surrounding areas included too, though still keeping to the same time period).

I do not want humans in my dinosaur stories. Period.

But what if...

So, imagine a research journal. There's a scientist visiting the clan of Singing People the project focuses on, with the mission of studying them, their life and their world. The book or zine or whatever could be a story of the dinosaur clan introducing themselves and their life to this person. An outsider point of view to excuse learning about them by them teaching this POV person how their world works. There could be some interaction and maybe interviews, and of course illustrations because you need to document your subjects after all.

Like, I'm kinda excited about the idea. It would let me get into the details I want to picture without getting too into the heads of the characters to limit the chances of artistic exploration. You gotta document the surroundings your study subjects live in after all! But you'd still get to know the characters because it's the job of the POV person to learn about them. Win win!

It's just that I don't want to put too much attention on this hypothetical scientist. Like I said before I don't want to mix my settings. The dinosaur project thingy's world IS Laramidia in the Campanian period of late Cretaceous, it's not meant to be a scifi setting, nor do I want to have any focus on any time travel.

Wonder if it would be possible to leave the scientist character vague enough to never actually get explained? They're just nameless outsider from undetermined time and place who's interviewing some dinosaurs. Maybe with some peronal opinions or musings but no anecdotes about their own life or themself. And whenever there's interactions between the scientist and any of the Singing People it just gets handwaved away. (Of course the Singing People are curious about them too, but that's not the point of the study so it just doesn't get documented or something?)

I don't know. Could that work?

[oneatlatime]

The Journey to Ba Sing Se Part 2: The Drill

Could I have Appa back please?

The Previously On segment actually didn't spoil anything for once. Nice.

I do like these tank things. In fact I like all Fire Nation technology. Not what it's used for. But the designs are neat. And more interesting than most actual military tech. You ever look at something techy, and think to yourself 'there was an artist involved here,' because that's the impression FN tech gives me. It's not beautiful, but there's a pleasing toothiness to it.

Excellent sound design on the metal screechy moving bits. And is that tank escort really necessary?

I know this is a kids' cartoon, with characters that are designed to be the audience's age. I know! And usually I can suspend my disbelief and forget that I'm watching children do very adult jobs! But this caught me so off guard I laughed. The Fire Nation's big secret project to break through the wall once and for all, that would be an absolute career making achievement for whoever is in charge, and they've given it to a bunch of teenage girls. This is where my suspension of disbelief stops.

Can you imagine the meeting where this was proposed? The Fire Lord being like "Who can lead the attack on Ba Sing Se? We lost Zhao at the North Pole, does whoever it is who occupies his equivalent rank in the Army want the job? Or even Zhao's second in command perhaps? Or how about: three middle school girls, two of which aren't even members of the military? Doesn't that sound like a good plan?" And of course all his advisors have to agree and be like "that sounds like an excellent plan your lordship; did you have any particular girls in mind or should we go scout out the local Claire's?" because the last guy who disagreed with him got his face blown off. I don't care how viciously talented Azula and friends are; a country that puts eighth graders in charge of invasion plans should have lost the war in year one, not still be winning it in year 99.

Did that random commander guy just smack Ty Lee in the face?

Problem the first of this plan: unless the Fire Nation has invented pocket dimensions or bags of holding, there is no way that that drill, even stuffed full of soldiers, would hold enough people to take a city that seemingly contains every single refugee in the entire Earth Kingdom.

Do you think those refugees got preferential treatment for arriving on an Avatar powered elevator?

"I'm the Avatar. Take me to whoever's in charge." OWN IT BABY!!!

That's one hell of an irrigation system they must have.

"He was quickly expunged." Was he? I got the impression he quit. Of his own accord.

Something tells me like forty guys throwing rocks won't stop that thing.

So... what was Mai doing that whole fight? Hanging decoratively off a rope?

I'd forgotten how stupid Earth Kingdom generals were. Luckily Sokka is there to vicariously express my opinion of them. A reverse beat up Sokka quota fulfillment!

Toph is such a little shit and I love her.

Aang sure does put up with a lot sometimes. Part of being the Avatar. It's a good thing he has such patience. Can we talk about how lucky the world is that Aang is the one tasked with putting up with nonsense like this? Imagine if Sokka or Toph were the Avatar. There would be casualties.

I like complaining too buddy. Nice to see Sokka's worth being recognised. Now can we do that outside of a life or death situation too please?

I joke about Zuko's dumbass behaviour, but let's be honest, it's inherited.

Jet. Fuckboy. You do not make it easy to even slightly like you. Guy is missing the point as much as Zuko usually does. Going straight MEANS leaving the freedom fighters behind. It doesn't mean reforming them somewhere else. And what Fire Nation threat are you going to find in Ba Sing Se for your Freedom Fighters to fight? You know, if this idiot was actually serious about fighting for Freedom rather than blowing stuff up for fun, he'd fudge his age and enlist in the Earth Kingdom Army.

Four points: How does Katara know Ty Lee's name? Is this confirmation that waterbending healing cannot remove a Chi block? I love that the trait that gives away Ty Lee's identity is the fact that she cartwheeled away. I love Sokka. Just in general.

There is no way this girl is not tripping.

Can you imagine how loud standing right next to that drill must be?

ABS

Normally I'd say that one earthbender trying to slow the drill down with spikes will work even worse than the Terra Team who tried and failed with like 40, but this is Toph we're talking about. It could work.

These children are so polite when they're committing industrial sabotage. Truly, they were raised well.

Do you ever get the feeling that whoever is in charge of designing Fire Nation armour is into a few things that he's trying to repress so hard that they're coming out in all the wrong places?

Jet seems to have lost all the manipulative abilities he had in his episode. Suddenly he's very bad at reading body language and keeps saying the exact opposite of what he should.

New achievement unlocked! 1000% agreeing with something Zuko said! That was a pretty stupid move.

Cups made out of leaves are neat.

Katara, you can't have it both ways. You can't look to Sokka to make the plan, then get snippy when the plan correctly plays to all of your strengths. He physically CAN'T bend. Either you come up with a better plan yourself, or you do as the guy you appointed planner suggests.

Points in favour of allowing Katara to murder people, exhibit 1.

Confirmed: Sokka is catnip for girls.

Even in comparison to the others, Ty Lee has a bad case of cartoon physics.

Did Katara just disarm herself? That'll come back to bite her in 3, 2, 1...

Mai gets a second personality trait! Yay!

There is no way this is actually practical armour. This is someone in procurement with a thing for sweaty bulging muscles and puppy masks.

And thus, the log ride was born. Later versions would go on to perfect the concept by introducing a log.

I felt Sokka's mud freakout in my bones. Looks like Katara giving away her water isn't going to be a problem.

Petition to let Katara say bitch. The voice actress said Circus Freak but I know what I heard in my heart.

Remember that time Sokka smacked his forehead so many times that his face was permanently red? My turn now.

Aang. I know you love your friends. But maybe a battle on top of a moving machine of destruction in the midst of an aerial assault from your idiotic allies while facing off with the single most powerful and amoral firebender in existence, isn't a place to bring your pet lemur?

Beat up Sokka quota fulfilled by little sister. It's surprising that isn't the case more often. I know Sokka took it too far, but if you don't want him telling you what to do, maybe you shouldn't have looked to him for a plan?

Toph is here! Day saved.

Finally some sense re: Momo safety.

Time for the Western showdown. There's even something that could stand in for a water tower in the background.

If Azula had just struck at Aang the second he got knocked unconscious, rather than waiting until he woke up for dramatic purposes, she would have won this. I give Zuko Hell for being a theatre kid, but he's not the only one in the family.

I would love to know what they make Fire Nation boot soles out of. They have supernatural traction.

I take back everything I said about pet safety. That was a really cool Momo assist.

Aang invents the pneumatic hammer.

I LOVE that the cut braces had an effect after all. Sokka's contribution counts!

I bet this guy's wishing he'd been eaten by a giant fishman like Zhao right about now. Have fun explaining that one to the Firelord!

HOW is Ty Lee still alive?

HOW does Azula still have knees after that drop?

HOW does Mai have such perfect timing?

ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN ROCK TRAIN

They really ought to put wheels on all but the back car to reduce friction and save energy. Then again, if the Earth Kingdom is one thing, it's stupid.

So... Jet's change of heart lasted a bit less than one episode. Good job fuckboy!

So precious.

So Pretty.

Final Thoughts

This was like 90% action, with the other 10% being split between Zuko & Iroh plot stuff and Sokka playing comic relief. So there's not that much to talk about here really (she says, having found a whole post's worth of stuff to talk about).

Sokka had his bossy pants on, admittedly because he was asked to don them. Aang got to do some proper Avataring. Katara and Toph got to exercise their bending muscles. I'm not surprised that Toph was absent for much of the middle of the episode, because - let's be honest - given the right tools, Toph would have finished the Drill in one move. And then they'd be out of episode.

Actually, Mai got to have a personality beyond Too Bored To Live this episode. This is probably the most personality I've seen out of her so far. She's much more expressive when she's with just Ty Lee, rather than Ty Lee and Azula.

And Zuko! Had! Common! Sense! Iroh had to be a dumbass for Zuko to shine, but Zuko was, once again, the most reasonable character in his little B plot. For future reference: If you want to make Zuko reasonable, all you have to do is nerf his uncle and juxtapose him with a terrorist.

I loathe Jet. Always have, probably always will. But I'm still disappointed in him. His 'turning over a new leaf' - if it was sincere at all - lasted like 10 on-screen minutes. I feel sorry for Smellerbee and Longshot. I don't think their faith in their glorious leader is going to be repaid. He seems to brush off Smellerbee's opinions.

The strangest thing this episode was how few lines Azula had. I guess maybe they were using silence to try to show how calculating and collected she is compared to others, but honestly my first thought was that the voice actress had something going on. A cold? A previous engagement? It felt really weird to hear her speak so little, since previous episodes have shown she's not averse to gloating and dramatic monologues. She didn't even have much in the way of facial expressions.

I think the winners this episode were Mai, who got to have a personality; Zuko, who got a turn with the brain cell; and Aang, who got to work out pretty much all the bending he knows so far and successfully Avatar.

I did notice with some of the shots of Aang moving the big boulders the idiots were chucking down, that there was a kind of fuzziness to the air between Aang and what he was moving. Was I seeing the actual bending energy (Chi I guess) moving?

[clinicsharmartia]

TW MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAUT AND ABUSE

I’m going to try and say this as clearly and as loudly as I possibly can through a screen because it really needs to get to some people. 

If no one from the original team you were playing with is defending or supporting you, maybe it’s because they know stuff the public don’t, and maybe that ‘stuff’ is evidence of guilt. 

If Mendy is truly, honestly and thoroughly innocent, don’t you think people like Aguero or Stones, or hell, fucking Guardiola himself would be speaking out and supporting him? Does that not seem plausible? People who have spoken to him on less than two occasions and young, impressionable players are the only two groups of people who are singing praise about Mendy. Really, in your heart of hearts, don’t you think that sounds suspicious? 

I’ve seen some people try and compare this to the Neymar case and that is the most vile thing you can do in my opinion. I didn’t like Neymar, I still very much don’t, but whenever I think about what happened in 2019 my heart explodes with sympathy. These braindead imbeciles using a reverse case to try and justify this is disgusting. What happened with Neymar simply cannot be used to justify this as not only did he provide hard, concrete evidence that you can still find on the internet, but it also turned out to be reversed, where HE was the one experiencing the assault and violence. THIS IS NOT THE SAME! And the fact that people are using this horrible experience to try and prove a point is appalling!

And you know what else is absolutely heinous and appalling? The fact that not even 24hrs before Dele Ali spoke out about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child, as well as other forms of hidden abuse that was caused by his mother and other adults in his life. How many footballers did i see openly supporting him? Three. And how much media coverage did this interview get? Well for me, I don’t have twitter so I can’t say anything about that over there, but I do have other social medias and I can say with full certainty that I have only seen eight videos in support. Eight. I had more hours of sleep last night. 

The same people that are preaching for men’s mental health and for men abuse victims are the same people who said nothing in support of Ali. If you are one of those people reading this I want you to look at yourself and ask how that works. 

And to the people who are reading and, like me, doesn’t think this affects you. Take a look at the list and count how many of your favourites are on there supporting him, because you will be heartbroken and empty. 

[sparrowsage]

Revenge, Part One: Ghosts of the Past

Hello! I know I haven't posted in while. I've had some major stuff pop up in my personal life, but things are on the mend! This is the first part in a mini series that takes place six months after the end of Warehouse. It's very far out in the timeline for the Warehouse series, but my brain wanted to write this, so here it is! I'd like to give a special thanks to @oddsconvert and @darkthingshappen for the mention of their oc's Henley Allen from A Taste of Your Own Medicine and Agent Vaughn from Brothers Keeper. And I'd also like to thank them as well as @whumpcereal and @flowersarefreetherapy for their support as I wrote this! I got the inspiration and motivation for this piece from day four of the Merry Whump of May event as well and it was a ton of fun!

TW: Vague mentions of past captivity, vague mentions and implied past noncon, kidnapping, noncon drugging, mentions of past character death, threatened murder (if I missed any, let me know and I'll add them!)

MWoM Prompt: Day 4 “Forgettable, ‘Who are you?’ Lamp, Alleyway” 

If Sparrow would have been asked when he was teen where he thought he’d be when he was an adult, his response wouldn’t be what you’d expect. As far as he knew, he was going to be in the Warehouse facility for the rest of his life, or with some random person who had bought him if he ever got to the point of being sold. Not once did he ever think that he’d be living with a close and trusted friend, free to make his own decisions, able to finally carve out a life for himself of his own free will. 

It had been six months since the Warehouse had gotten raided. Six months since Damon had tried to escape the facility with him in tow. Six months since he was reunited with his friends and finally free from the hell he never thought he’d be away from. 

Sparrow snapped out of his thoughts as he heard his friend giggle, looking over to him as Felix spun around in a small circle, arms outstretched. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve been able to go and see a live show like that!” he exclaimed. “Thank you for coming with me.” 

Sparrow gave his friend a soft smile, putting his hands in his pockets as they walked back to their apartment building. “Thanks for offering to take me. I’ve never seen something like that! I’m surprised they have all those lines and stuff memorized, it looked like a lot!” 

Felix nodded, looking up at the clear night sky above them for a moment before looking back at his friend. “It’s their job, and it does take a lot of work, but it’s totally worth it. I’ve often had thoughts of trying to get into theater like that, but I think my stage fright would get in the way of it all.” 

Sparrow chuckled, giving Felix a light nudge as they continued on their way, “With how often I hear you singing in the apartment, I know you’d do great!” 

Sparrow let out a sigh, recalling the memories. It had been a whirlwind to try and get things back on track once he was released from the hospital this time. He still had weekly therapy appointments with Alex, but it had been more difficult to fall back into old routine with Felix this time around. There had been a short period of time where there were awkward conversations when the two interacted, both from Felix’s guilt over the invitation Damon had sent out and Sparrow not showing Felix the invite before he left amongst other things. Over time, they had talked things out and their friendship only got stronger from there. Henley still came by frequently as well, often spending a lot of time with Sparrow when he was free, which Sparrow appreciated. The two of them would help teach Sparrow how to read and write alongside teaching him about other things while also having some fun. 

At the thought of Henley, Sparrow took his hand out of his jacket pocket, looking at the digital watch Henley had given him a few months back. 

“Hey, it’s already 10:43. Do you think Henley would mind much if we moved movie night to tomorrow?” he asked. 

Felix looked at his own watch in return before looking at Sparrow, “I don’t think he’d mind. We did warn him the show may run late and he seemed fine with the possibility of postponing movie night. We’ll text him when we get home.” 

Sparrow hummed in agreement, putting his hand back in his pocket as they continued home, looking around the street as they walked. Due to how late it was, there weren’t any people out and about, the only lights coming from the lamp posts lining the sidewalks and the light up signs in the shop windows, long since closed for the day. 

Being outside at night was something that Sparrow had never realized he’d appreciate so much. Sure, there was anxiety lurking in the shadows, often keeping the man on edge, but nights like this where he could look up at the clear sky and see the glittering stars and enjoy the light breeze and inhale the nightly air, it felt freeing. 

As the two passed by a dark alleyway, some rustling caught Sparrow’s attention. He paused his steps, Felix looking back at him a few seconds later when he realized his friend wasn’t beside him. “Sparrow, you alright?” 

Sparrow stared into the dark alleyway, trying to see what was hidden in the shadows before shaking his head slightly to clear it. “Y-yeah, just thought I heard something is all.” 

Just as he was about to continue walking, a voice called out to them, “P-please help me.” 

The two hesitated, giving each other a look before Felix hesitantly approached the entryway to the alley. “Are you alright sir?” Felix asked. 

“Do either of you have some spare cash, or some change?” the voice asked, his voice sounding rough and raspy. 

Felix squinted as he hovered at the edge of the alleyway, trying to make out whoever was talking to them. “I-I’m sorry, but we don’t have any cash on us.” 

“That’s quite alright,” the voice responded. There was something about the voice that seemed off to Sparrow, but he couldn’t place it. There couldn’t be a way for Sparrow to know that voice, but the fact that it sounded familiar ate away at him the more the stranger spoke. 

“Felix, we should be getting back home,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. He didn’t want to scare Felix just because he felt uneasy. It was probably nothing. 

“Could you just help me up, sir? Before you leave? I have a bad knee.” 

Felix looked back at Sparrow for a moment before he stepped into the alleyway, the shadows swallowing him, “U-uhm, yeah sure.” 

From Sparrow’s spot on the street, he kept an eye on the dark alleyway, expecting Felix to come out seconds later, but all he heard was rustling before a muffled shout came from the shadows. 

“Felix?” Sparrow asked, taking a step towards the alley, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. 

Something was wrong. 

Sparrow heard some more rustling and a bit of muffled cries before he spotted a figure in the shadows of the alleyway. 

“You should teach your friend to be more careful. Helping the wrong stranger is going to get him into trouble,” the figure said. 

“Who are you and what do you want?” Sparrow asked, his body frozen in place on the sidewalk. 

The figure started walking forward towards him, an unmistakable limp to his step that made the blood in Sparrow’s face run cold, further cementing him to the sidewalk. 

This can’t be him, Sparrow thought. He didn’t remember Agent Vaughn telling him about some Keeper’s getting free from the raid. He thought that since his name didn’t get brought up in the court case or the fact that he didn’t see him in court meant that he died during the raid. 

“I bet you’re surprised, aren’t you?” the man asked, the light from the lamp posts illuminating his face as he stepped out of the alleyway. “Because who would have thought that you’d be seeing me, of all people, again after so much time.” 

“What do you want with us, Logan?” Sparrow asked again, his voice low but lined with fear. 

“You’re in no place to be demanding answers here, Sparrow. You should know that. Has living outside the facility for six months really put you back so much on your training?” 

Sparrow’s hands balled into fists at his side as he tried to figure out an answer. Logan took the hesitation of an answer to motion whoever was behind him in the alleyway to step forward, causing Sparrow’s breath to hitch. 

Five more people stepped out of the alleyway, one of which had Felix flush against his chest, a hand clamped over his mouth while the other held his wrists behind his back. Felix looked at Sparrow with a scared expression, his whole body trembling as his eyes started to water. 

“It’s been hard, these last six months, you know,” Logan started, slowly walking towards Sparrow. “Having to hide from the police all because the facility got shut down. They’d arrest us on sight if anyone found us. But you know what kept us going?” 

Sparrow let out a low and quiet growl as Logan got close to him, taking a small step back as Logan leaned in close. “Finding a way to get back at the person who ruined the entire operation.” 

“Felix wasn’t the one who took down the Warehouse, the FBI did,” Sparrow said, his gaze flickering between Logan and Felix. “You have no business with him.” 

Logan straightened himself as he faked a look of thought. “You’re right, it wasn’t the runt who got the Warehouse shut down, not in full. But he played a part in it.” 

“Vaughn was the one who found the place, not Felix.” 

“Yeah, that fucking agent found the place, but you know who went crying to the FBI when you didn’t return home that night you went to that party? Him. And why did he go to the FBI? Because you managed to escape and make friends, connections, something of which you had no right doing. He cared about you so much that he did everything he could to find you and get you back safely. If you hadn't defied orders and escaped the facility ten months ago, then we wouldn’t be here now.” 

This wasn’t good, Sparrow didn’t know what to do! If it were just him facing off against these guys, he’d fight back, but with Felix trapped, Sparrow couldn’t risk his friend getting hurt all because of his actions. 

“Just let him go, Logan,” Sparrow tried, a hint of desperation leaking into his voice. “You have issue with me, not him. Let him go and we can work this out.” 

At that, Logan let out a laugh, as did the other men standing around them, causing Felix to squeak in fear at the sound. “You think it’s that easy, pleading with me to let your friend go? And that I’m here for you? I often forget that you’re not that fucking smart when it comes to how the real world works. We came here for him and you just so happened to be with him. We’ve had our eyes set on this runt for months, we just needed the perfect moment to grab him, and what better night than tonight!” 

Sparrow glared at Logan as he spoke, trying to work out a way to get them both out of here safely, but anything he thought of wouldn’t work. In every idea he thought of, Felix would get hurt and Sparrow couldn’t let that happen. 

Logan looked around the empty street for a moment, turning on the spot to look back at his men and Felix, who stared back at Logan in fear. “Get him ready to transport, we’ve spent enough time here.” 

At the word ‘transport’, Sparrow started towards the men around Felix, anger and fear powering his limbs. “Don’t you fucking touch him!” he shouted, lunging for the closest man that was around his friend. 

Before he could get very far, three of the remaining four men pounced on Sparrow, quickly grabbing onto him as the fourth man grabbed a prepped syringe from his pocket. Felix started squirming the moment Sparrow was grabbed, just about missing the needle headed straight for his arm. He let out a loud but muffled yelp as the needle was jabbed into his arm, causing Sparrow to struggle even harder, but it was no use. The three men holding onto him were too strong and he was very outmatched. 

Amongst his struggles, Sparrow watched as Felix started to grow limp, his eyes slipping shut as the drug he was injected with took hold of him, forcing him into an unwanted sleep. Once he was under, Logan turned his full attention to Sparrow, who only continued to struggle. 

The former Keeper nodded to his men and they forced Sparrow to his knees on the ground. Sparrow let out a hiss as the gravel and pavement dug into his knees as he tried to pull his arms out of the grips that held them, but he slowed his attempts as Logan stepped closer to him, leaning down at the waist slightly. 

“I swear to god, Logan, I’m going to fucking kill you if you hurt him,” Sparrow growled as he glared at the former Keeper. 

Logan chuckled at the sight of the former pet, letting out a short sigh. “Your threats don’t work on me. Over the twenty years I worked to train you, you’ve only come close once, and that’s because I let my guard down. I’m not making any mistakes this time. You’re going to watch as I destroy your friend, bit by fucking bit, til there’s nothing left of him, and you’re going to help me do it.” 

Sparrow tried to jerk one of his arms free, his gaze never breaking from Logan as he let out a grunt at the wasted effort. “You’re fucking crazy if you think I’d willingly hurt him.” 

“Ah, well you see, I know you. You’d do anything to trade places with him, no matter the cost, and I think that seeing you get tortured in more ways than one will do just as much damage to him as if he were the one being hurt.” 

Sparrow stilled as the words registered, his expression falling for a moment. Logan was right, he’d do anything to make sure Felix didn’t bare the front of what they were about to endure, even if it meant sacrificing himself. 

“You’ve been told, time and time again by multiple people that you’re not supposed to form connections or to make friends because it isn’t your place to have feelings. Your job is to serve and please whoever owns you, doing whatever they ask of you with no hesitation. I am excited, if I’m to be honest, Sparrow. You know why that is?” 

“Why?” Sparrow asked through gritted teeth. 

“Because I get to hit you where it hurts. Just because we were going after him doesn’t mean that I won’t be paying special attention to you. You’ve caused me so much trouble ever since you were brought into the facility, especially after Damon took on your case. Now it’s my turn to level the playing field. You remember how you used to protect Jayden when he was alive? How compliant you got all because of a simple threat to his well being?” 

Logan stood then, nodding to one of the men holding Sparrow. “Well, you know that I won’t hesitate to kill your friend here if you step a toe out of line. I highly doubt that you want another one of your friends to die all because of you.” 

The mention of Jayden made the blood drain from Sparrow’s face as a new fire blazed inside of him. This wouldn’t be a repeat of what happened with Jayden, Sparrow couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t let another one of his friends die by the hands of this fucking bastard. 

Just as Sparrow was about to start struggling again, he felt the pinch of a needle in his neck and a coolness spread throughout his body. As his vision started to tunnel, he looked up to see Logan start limping back into the alleyway as he started to lose feeling in his limbs.

“Let’s get these guys into the van, and don’t forget to restrain them. The runt will be out for a while, but with this shit’s tolerance, I don’t know when he’ll wake and it’ll be easier to handle him if he can’t move.” 

The last thing Sparrow remembered seeing was a set of headlights turn on far back into the alleyway and hearing an engine roar to life as the drugs dragged him under. 

Taglist: @mannerofwhump, @honey-is-mesi, @painful-pooch, @whumperfully, @hiding-in-the-shadows

@flowersarefreetherapy, @goronska, @blueyellow8green (If you want to be added, let me know!)

[lyrical-fics]

Can I request a fic inspired by kinda both I love you so (The Walters) OR/AND Francis Forever (mitski), Where the trailblazer has to leave Jarilo VI and Bronya or Seele or really any adult women are kinda sad Im asking for angst >:D

Feel free to ignore it if you don't vibe with this request! <3

I Miss You More Than Anything

Characters: Bronya, Seele, Serval

Song: Francis Forever

Synopsis: They knew you had to leave; you were a trailblazer, after all. However, they can’t just shake away the feeling of the feelings and memories the two of you shares together.

A/N: Yes, of course, anon!! I love Mitski very much, thank you for the request :D Also, a bit ooc Seele cause I have no idea how to write her, I’m so sorry. 😭 This is also probably a tad bit badly written, I’m using this to get out of my writer’s block and practically forced these words outta my brain 🥲

Serval

Serval knew of the consequences, she knew you would leave soon. After the incident that happened between her and the previous supreme guardian, she knew that she had to close off her heart. But here she was, in love with you; then you left. You left her and her heart that still ought to sing for you. But what can she do? You are a trailblazer, after all.

Serval didn’t cry when you left, knowing fully well what you do in your job as a trailblazer. But you can’t say she didn’t get hurt. She was hurt; so much to the point that as soon as she didn’t see your figure anymore, she ran to her workshop and cried the whole day; Gepard having to console her the whole duration of it.

She knows you wouldn’t come back and you couldn’t. So she faced the truth and tried to carry her life on normally.

Tried.

It’s 3am, she’s awake, looking at everything that reminded her of you. To the stuff that you left for her, unintentionally or not, to her very own workshop. You two spent a lot of time writing songs, talking and laughing together inside that building.

She wanted to sleep, but not when her mind is literally clouded by you. She needed something to pour all those thoughts out on. Now she’s writing a song about you again, only difference is— it’s no longer with you. She was used to this, composing music alone; until you arrived.

Oh, how she wishes she came with you instead and joined the trailblazers. But she couldn’t, she had a family here; a family that also loved her.

Serval’s stuck between her thoughts as she writes down lyrics for you. Lyrics you’ll never read. A song you’ll never hear. She can only chuckle softly as she feels her tears slowly drip down on the paper she’s writing on, writing one final lyric to finish the song for you.

“I’ve been trying to lay my head down, but I’m writing this at 3am.”

Bronya

Bronya wasn’t supposed to fall for you. She did her best to keep it all to herself, until you confessed your feelings for her. This was so wrong, she was aware you would leave that’s why she tried to avoid you. But how she wishes it didn’t end oh, so fast. Her mother dies by your hands, and you leave for another expedition. She should’ve expected it. So she’s left with a broken heart and a responsibility to shoulder.

She’s tired. So tired. Being the new supreme guardian gave her a lot of work to burden, more than she has ever handled before. Dark eye bags obviously appearing on her face. She hasn’t taken a rest in what, two days?

She didn’t cry when you left, that would destroy her reputation as the new supreme guardian, so she smiled softly and waved at you as she watched the train disappear.

Bronya would’ve finished her workload faster, if it weren’t for you lingering in her mind. They would have been by my side, encouraging me to finish this, she thought. They would have started helping me relax by now, she thought. Then she cried.

She didn’t need the whole world to know about what she has done for Jarilo-IV and the work she had to do. She needed your encouragement, your support, your praise. But you’re gone.

“I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be, but I don’t think I can stand to be where you don’t see me.”

Seele

Seele was not worried a single bit when you left. You promised to return for her once you were done, after all. The first week of you leaving her was spent with numerous texts and calls with each other— until it stopped happening. She figured you were starting busy, so she waited. She waited, and waited, and waited. Numerous seasons passed by, but you never arrived.

Seele opens her phone and checks to see if there were any messages from you for the nth time that day, sighing as she sees an empty inbox. It’s been months since the two of you talked the last time, but she knows hopes you’d message her soon.

“Seele, don’t you think it’s time to move on? I don’t think she’s coming back sooner, she’s a trailblazer, remember that. They probably only said that to lessen your pain,” Oleg says, murmuring the last part, which didn’t go unnoticed by the girl.

“I’m working on it,” she replies blatantly, not even sparing him a glance.

“Look, Seele, if you don’t—”

“I’m going for a walk. Please don’t disturb me.”

She left with tears in her eyes. He was right. Maybe she should really think about moving on. You left and gave her empty promises, she should hate you.

And so, she gains a new goal. She straightens her back and continues walking around. Examining her surroundings, she notices that she ended up on a tree-lined path, the one that the two of you used to walk on. Looking up at the gaps of sunlight, she remembers your oh-so warm touch and smile.

Then she realizes.

“I miss you more than anything.”

[a-friendly-fangirl]

Random thoughts on We're in Love (or "Your average Italian girl has had an awful week and Boygenius' love saves her ass again"):

So, I've been listening to the Boys and to their solo stuff the whole week (for the past 5 months, to be honest... but who's counting?) and I've been going crazy lately for the beauty of We're in Love.

I think we can all acknowledge that that song is one of the greatest songs in "The Record" and one of the best ever written. And then I started bawling, when my mind got stuck on its lyrics and realised just how heartbreaking and beautiful it is.

This will be kind of my personal analysis (also inspired by some suggestions here and there... thank you to all the geniuses around that have noticed certain things. I wish I could write down all your names, but my memory is awful), so if you disagree with it or feel the need to add something, do it. I'd be happy to meet more Boygenius fans!

Ok, I'd like to begin with the third and fourth line of the first verse, where Lucy sings: "I don't need the symbol of a scar/ So put down the knife, we're not swapping blood". And yet, in "The film", Julien still takes a blood oath with the young versions of Lucy and Phoebe. I think that this was such an interesting choice to make, considering the difference between the words and the actions. This actually makes sense though, when underlining that 20$ is Julien's song and these words belong to Lucy.

Julien, as her solo albums readily witness, has no real problem with hurting herself ('Cause I'm so good at hurting myself - Brittle Boned) both physically and psychologically. We also know, from 20$, that she does believe in being connected to Phoebe and Lucy in every universe or life (In another life we were arsonists). Lucy does too with them (And I told you of your past lives; In the next one [life], will you find me? - We're in Love). Same goes for Phoebe, even though it's a little more subtle with her. In fact, more than believing in other lives, she seems to believe in changing herself in the present life, so much that, even though Emily I'm Sorry is her song, she has decided to sing it with her best friends, because, maybe, she'd rather be someone that can be loved by them in particular and not someone only Emily "could want".

To better understand the scar line/imagery, I think it important to notice that Julien doesn't take the blood oath with her adult friends but with their younger selves. In my opinion, it's like a machine has brought them in Julien's universe or timeline to help her get out of her home, which, listening to her music, is a synonym of recovery or at least of a better state of mind (in Go Home and Please Stay, it is quite clear: "I wanna go home, I'm sick", while in Graceland Too she finally gets out once she's feeling better). But, not belonging there (and we know they don't thanks to Julien's surprised expression when she sees little Phoebe), pehaps she's afraid that she'll lose them once they're done with the car, therefore asking them to do that oath. Childhood scars never fully leave us, so Julien might be convinced that it'll help adult Phoebe and Lucy to remember her, once they meet as intended or hoped.

When you think about it, the layers here are so many that it's scary. Scars have always at least a touch of negativity, even when you get them for something not negative per se (I have so many scars I got from running around as a child...), because they always follow pain. Julien and Phoebe have dealt with it their whole life and have actively put themselves through it more than once, so of course Julien chooses to use a knife (which also brings us back again to Please Stay: "The hunting knife you kept by your bed". I don't think the mention in We're in Love is a coincidence) against herself if it means being sure Phoebe and Lucy know it's her. But Lucy stops her for two main reasons:

Julien won't have to wait for them to find her, because she and Phoebe will, according to Lucy, be the ones going to her, if they want to (Will you find me?);

Instead of remembering each other through something painful, they could use the happy and positive memories they've shared in this life. Lucy once again wants to do everything in her power to dismantle her friends' self-destructive tendencies and replace them with something good (even the "happy" in Letter to an Old Poet was her suggestion).

Moving on to the next lines (Isn't it enough that we stripped down to our skin?/ Cold and porcelain like bathers in a painting), the beauty of this specific portrait delivered by Lucy kind of proves the point just made. Saying that the skin is "cold" and "porcelain" delivers a poetic image of extreme fragility that could be both literal or figurative and it shows just how much they trust each other. What Lucy appears to be pointing out is that she doesn't need any more pain to believe they're in love with each other, since they've already done the great sacrifice of showing themselves when they were most vulnerable (something they're still learning to do, according to recent interviews).

In Lucy's specific case (And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been/ It wasn't flattering, but you listened like it mattered), I'd go as far as to think that she did that by letting Phoebe and Julien listen to the stories of her past friendships or even relationships, telling them whom she had had by her side before them. She sings that that tale wasn't flattering: why? If I had to express myself on that, I'd guess, by her albums, that, just like any other human being, even Lucy has had a lot of troubled bonds with people she might have wrongly thought were as true and loyal to her as the Boys are now (take Strange Torpedo, Nonbeliever or Brando as examples). My personal take on this part is that she hasn't tried to tell Phoebe and Julien who they've been in the past, but to confess them who had had their roles in her life previously, feeling perhaps embarassed by it. But they're in no way bored or mad at her for that, listening, however, "like it mattered" (quoting True Blue: "It doesn't matter anymore", 'cause they're together now, but it is still important to her that they are paying attention to this part of her story).

She also admits being open to them about her own insecurities, especially the fear of being or seeming crazy (I feel crazy in ways I never say/ Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/ I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway), making herself vulnerable by exposing this side of her she usually keeps hidden in hope of being reassured by them, which they've probably done a thousand times already.

Long story short, coming to the end of the first chorus: Lucy loves and values them for the trust they've put in each other and no scar will ever match that feeling. I have a lot more to say about the rest of the song, but this is mostly me ranting about it, so I'll see how it goes. Sorry for all of this :P

[dimonds456]

Every day, I wish and hope that I'll wake up and be in the 1920's. Not because everything was better back then, but just because things were more alive back then. Or at least, it feels that way.

You look at some dance routines today, and there is most definitely talent on display, sure, but then you go and watch someone like Gene Kelly or especially The Nicolas Brothers dance and you're left sitting there like, "...what happened? Why don't we do this anymore?"

Music performances too. There are truly some talented people doing amazing stuff today, but it just doesn't feel as vibrant and alive as watching a big jazz band improv with each other in front of a crowd.

Singers weren't trying to sell, they were just, well, singing. There was more flexibility in vocal performance from what I can tell, and honestly this one warrants its own post.

Tap dance is considered stupid largely by non-dancers, when it's actually REALLY HARD and fully of such joy and whimsy. You're a musical instrument and dancing at the same time! What's not to love? Not to mention, the physical toll that takes on a person. Insane.

The only dance I was taught as a kid was the slow dance. If I wanted to learn anything else, my parents said no, unless it was ballet, but I was never interested in that personally. Now, I look back on things like the Charleston or the Lindy Hop and I just wanna learn how to move like that; to let go and be in the moment. I don't know how, and none of the adults in my life can tell me, either.

The movies back then were so creative and grand, considering the budget and scale they were allowed to work with. Stuff like Robin Hood or Metropolis are absolutely jaw-dropping, and yes, we could make that today, but it'd be with CGI or super realism, when a huge part of the charm came from the use of miniatures and spot-on performances and choreography.

Listen. We still have all of these today. Even tap dancing is still around, even if it's largely (wrongfully) considered silly by many. But it just doesn't feel the same. I'm not sure how to put it into words. The 1920's was where our modern times were really born, I think, with inventions like the camera, the radio, animation, jazz, ect all coming together in this decade to launch new art forms, entertainment, and way of life. They weren't called "The Roaring 20s" for nothing.

I wanna live in that so bad.

[agentravensong]

two scenes i would add to nerdy prudes must die

the thing about being autistic is that i will have no motivation to sit down and write stuff for my grad school applications all day, but then at night i'll find it in me to spend 3+ hours writing a tumblr post about my latest hyperfixation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this time that hyperfixation is nerdy prudes must die, a show that, despite still not being my favorite starkid hatchetfield musical, has really dug its claws into me. i'm gonna detail two scenes that i think would add to certain character arcs, give ritchie (and ruth)'s death(s) more impact, and really drive home the show's themes. don't think i need much more preamble than that, so, here we go!

1. Second Lauter family scene

A scene set between Ritchie's death and Ruth's, fitting best in the plot as is right after "Hatchet Town".

Primary purpose: Show more of Steph's character and her relationship with her father; show that the attitudes that made the teens' high school experience hell (pre-ghost!max) are reinforced by the adults

Basic outline: Steph and her dad are having a convo, prompted by the mayor, about how school is going; a kind of convo that, with how awkward it is, clearly doesn't happen often. Lauter says something half-hearted about how it's a shame her high school experience is being ruined by these events, because it was the happiest time of his life (as a contrast to the opinions our protags express in the opening number).

Steph doesn't want to talk about the murder stuff (duh) so she redirects to how her grades have genuinely improved (or at least did for a minute there) thanks to her studying with Pete, in a way that makes it clear she's genuinely proud of her improvement.

Mayor Lauter, in response, tells her that he doesn't want her hanging out with the nerds anymore, in or out of school, because it makes her a target (and also a suspect).

Steph gets upset at this dismissal; what kind of dad, she scoffs, would tell their daughter who was finally succeeding academically to stop trying? Especially when he was the one who told her to get her grades up?

And Mayor Lauter says something to the effect of, "You don't need to be a star student. I know you, Stephanie; that's never going to be you. All you need to be is good enough. Can you just do that for me?"

We have the mayor leave at this point; let's say he gets a phone call, cause that makes sense, and also is a deeply ironic reason for him to leave a family conversation considering his criticism of Steph's phone use. Steph could even point that out as a joke.

Here is where, if we have time, we give Steph a solo number. Well, it could be a solo, or it could be a duet with her dad — the kind where they're not singing to each other or aware that the other is singing, but they're basically singing their different perspectives on the same thing (in this case, their relationship). I propose the duet version because Corey deserves to get to show off his vocals more prominently in these shows.

Alternate ending if we're not doing the song: Steph can storm out, and the mayor can have an ominous line foreshadowing the drastic measures he'll be taking when we see him again.

The idea with this scene is that I want to give more weight to the whole "she's smarter than she thinks she is" angle to Steph's character. Show that she has found something through her bond with the nerds (Pete mainly) that makes her want to be more than just the "cool girl". And show that there is a part of her that wants a better relationship with her father (because if he won't believe in her, be proud of her, then who will?).

But also, we see how her dad has pigeonholed her into being that kind of airhead. All he cares about is that she stays out of trouble (which is to say, anything that would cause trouble for him). He doesn't care what she's genuinely interested in, what she aspires to; he's spent most of her teenage-hood assuming she's not interested in anything worthwhile, that she doesn't aspire to anything. He doesn't see her as a full person.

And, perhaps most importantly, him telling her not to associate with the nerds draws a direct line between him and our main antagonist, Max. Which matters for reasons that will become clearer as I discuss the second additional scene I came up with.

For the record, if I only got to add one of these scenes (NPMD is the longest of the Hatchetfield shows already, and both these scenes would have to be Act 2 additions), I'd pick this next one. So let's get to it.

2. High School Regression scene

Primary purpose: Showing how the murder(s) has/have affected the student body, and making the point that the hierarchies Max represented can't be disposed of that easily when he's still, literally and metaphorically, haunting the place.

This one would happen in between when the protags find out about Ritchie's death and when Grace informs Pete and Steph of Ruth's death. Practically, this means it would have to be set either:

A) right before Ruth goes to the BBQ Monologues rehearsal, with the scene centering around her, and leading directly into her arrival there (maybe replacing the cop convo entirely? maybe they're at the end of it)

or B) as basically a replacement for the Beanie's scene, but still leading into "If I Loved You" (and everything that comes after)

The beat-by-beat for this one is less solid in my head compared to the first scene, but the idea is that we see some of the cheerleaders and jocks going back to bullying Ruth in version A or Pete in version B (though in a less confident and malicious manner than Max did, as if their hearts aren't fully in it). Ruth or Pete gives some pushback and asks what changed to make them revert to this behavior.

I'm not sure how exactly the bullies express the "why", but in plain-speak, it's this: the students know about Ritchie (and Ruth)'s murder(s), and, maybe more importantly, the "nerdy prudes must die" that was written in Richie's blood. The message they've taken from that is that there is a killer reinforcing the social hierarchies they all abandoned when Max died. And so, with that latent threat hanging in the air, these students have decided to fall in line, in the hopes that they'll therefore be spared. Maybe, even, the murders will stop.

(you could also have one or two kids who are genuinely almost as cruel as max and are using this as an excuse to going back to being the assholes they were before, but you'd need more proper set-up for such a character i think)

Version A is pretty straightforward. I like the idea of Pete and/or Steph being there as well so it isn't just Ruth experiencing the misery (considering where things go from here)... but I know that they need to be dressed as different characters for when Ruth gets to the auditorium, so that probably isn't practical. Maybe there'd be time for Mariah to have made that quick change if Joey really stretched out his bit? But I know the change was tight even for Angela as is.

For version B, you could have the bullies find Steph and Pete at or on their way to Beanie's and be assholes to them there (because it makes sense to me that Steph and Pete would want to have their potentially incriminating conversation off high school grounds), but I think it has more thematic punch to set it in the high school.

Wherever it's set, in version B, Steph and Pete talk a bit about how the bullies' regression sucks, how things are even worse now than they were before Max died, which then leads into their conversation as it is in the actual show over whose fault this all is.

With Pete specifically, I think it'd be neat to call back to what he said to Steph way back in the show about his desire to blend in, to be invisible. That maybe, for a little bit, he liked being accepted, being important (to one person in particular), but it wasn't worth it. And with Steph, if we do have the second dad convo in this version of the show, we can maybe have her comment on how even her dad seems to believe in this bullshit social hierarchy, how they might never escape it.

I mentioned in my post detailing my initial nerdy prudes thoughts that I wished Pete and Steph had a convo that felt like Paul and Emma's convo right before "Join Us and Die". Basically, this is my attempt to give these teens that, without adding an entirely new scene just for that.

As a whole, this scene is my best attempt to Make Something of the themes and plot threads that are so well set up but get kind of lost in the last... third? of the show. Plenty of people have rightly posted that the adults are the real villains of this story. Max isn't scary just because he's one guy; he's representative of larger ideas, a larger system, perpetuated by those adults. Hierarchy, competition, and domination, treated as the natural, necessary state of the world. A system that reduces the personhood of all those ensnared in it.

Those ideas won't just disappear with his death. Max might have peaked in high school even if he lived because of the specific brand of boisterous asshole he was, but the world that instilled those ideas in him, the world beyond high school, will keep fostering and enforcing them, in its more mundane, subtle (comparatively) ways. It will keep producing more Maxs, and more Solomon Lauters.

Like, the whole "fuck clivesdale" bit is a running joke, and a funny one! But, also, I think there's something to be said about the fact that both the teens and adults are all in on this seemingly one-way rivalry, and how much focus is placed on it, in a show about *bullying*. A show about people who have arbitrary labels slapped on them as an excuse to be cruel to them.

"you're fucking losers, and we'll kill you!" isn't that far off as a sentiment from "nerdy prudes must die", is it?

and, like. their team name is the clivesdale chemists. chemists, like, nerds. it's supposed to be part of the joke, i'm pretty sure, that they're named after something nerdy, not a cool animal. if that parallel isn't intentional, then, i dunno man. it's still there either way.

(see also: the musical motif underneath the "who will pray for me" section of nerdy prudes must die also appearing as the chorus of "hatchet town". a motif that plays both when max asks ritchie who will remember him (who will remember *them*), right before enacting his ultimate "justice", and when the adults twist their memories into an excuse for a witch hunt, their own paranoid search for "justice".)

In real life, getting rid of the one asshole at the top of a rotten system doesn't fix the system. If the non-nerdy teens in this school were impressionable enough that one asshole could make them all act in line with his arbitrary beliefs, then his haunting presence (even if they don't know it's literally his ghost) should absolutely have *some* effect on them too.

And I think if you included a scene like this, it would make all that stuff in the script that's subtext, or half-developed, feel like it really was intentional, purposeful.

Does that all make sense? I hope so.

I know that actually trying to fit both of these into the show would require cutting some other stuff down for time, and it would complicate scene transitions and maybe fuck with the overall pacing. Really, this is more a thought experiment than anything else. I'm just glad to have it out of my head after it's been brewing there for multiple days, There's other stuff I'd change if I were to do a full edit of the script, sure, but these are the big things that really would've made the show click for me on the level tgwdlm does.

[heyftinally]

Here's a hard question...

Are there any Taylor Swift songs that you like? Or at least find tolerable?

Y'know, that's a complicated question.

I used to like her music. I wouldn't have called myself a swiftie in any way, but I had several of her albums on my mp3 at the time, and I owned three CDs.

That was in high school, when her music was at the same maturity level as myself. I listened to "fifteen" the morning of my 15th birthday. I listened to "superstar" on the drive to my first concert, dreaming of the disney-channel-level meet cute I was highly unlikely but desperate to have with my celebrity crush. Heck, I remember singing "teardrops on my guitar" in my grandpa's car when I was in middle school. He thought it was awful, but as a country fan he put up with it because I liked it, and he wanted us to have that to connect over - I wasn't the biggest fan of his music, nor he mine, but that was our middle ground for a time (and Dolly Parton, who was my grandpa's favorite).

So in some ways, beautiful eyes to sparks fly Taylor Swift music reminds me of a variety of moments in my life, most of which I remember with a kind of slightly cringey fondness. I was a CRINGE teenager, but I know that I was cringe due to how socially stunted I was thanks to how I was raised. So I don't look back on that version of myself, because she was doing her best to build an independent identity with nothing but a few caricatures from TV shows, the morals of many books, and an internet connection.

That said, Taylor Swift is still Taylor Swift. Her shortcomings are inextricably tied to her work. So in general, her music puts an unpleasant taste in my mouth. If made to listen to her music I prefer the older stuff that at least has that nostalgia for me, but given the choice my nostalgia music doesn't include her.

Her current stuff ranges from just flat out bad (FUCKING KARMA) to just so out of touch that it's no longer entertaining to me.

I'm not who I was in high school anymore. That was ten years ago - I've lived at least three lives since then. That little 16yo girl who feared she was doomed to be unlovable and desperately needed fanciful daydreams like "today was a fairytale" to make her believe that one day she would be wanted is now an adult who understands that relationships aren't that simple, and that I had a LOT of healing and self understanding to do before I was truly ready to date. Taylor's music, a decade later, still sounds like my unhealed high school self. And I've grown too far from that place for her music to resonate with me.

So I guess the short version is, not by choice, but I can find nostalgia in her older songs if I have to. And truth be told, if she was a better person, I could probably enjoy those songs again. But I don't forsee her becoming a better person, so her songs with remain where they lay in my opinion. The old stuff was okay, maybe even decent, and enjoyable enough for my teenage hopelessly romantic self. But to my adult self, that's like asking me if I was to re-do freshman year of high school: it was fun, but I'd rather keep it in my memories than my present.

[badwithten]

camping with skz hyung line - delulu head cannons

PAIRING SKZ hyung line (Bangchan, Lee Know, Changbin & Hyunjin) x fem!reader

GENRE fluff

WORD COUNT 1.6k

this is very self indulgent but it is 11pm on my 18th birthday when i’m writing this and my mother is sleeping and we are in the middle of no where camping/staying in some cabins with no power or reception so i’m writing this on notes app bc i can’t sleep early so i am just up and i want to be delusional and go camping with skz (changbin but lets give them all a chance ig 🙄) 

in saying that its self indulgent its more of a warning that i’m writing this reader based on me! usually i don’t do this and try to keep everything as neutral as i can (ik i still only write fem!reader but still i try make it as inclusive fem as i can be!)  but for this y/n is def based on how i am camping which happens to be kinda stereotypical girl “omg im scared of bug come save me” which i know isn’t true for all fem people but it is for me and its my birthday so let me be delusional! 

with that in mind, if you still decide to read these i hope you enjoy! might expand onto the maknae line if this is something that is received well? i’ve never really written headcanons so we’ll see!

also also, i know since lee knows camping vlogs theres be a lot of camping with skz stuff but once again, idc bc i am camping now so this is what i want lmao

chan 

chan is definitely the ‘i am prepared, I’ve got you babe’ which quickly turns into ‘omg this fire isn’t staying lit and its cold af right now”

like he comes well prepared, buying and packing the best gear money can get

but no matter how fancy the tent, it is no use if you can’t put it up!

using the limited knowledge the two of you have, you manage to wrangle the tent up just before dark

although this wasted all of the time you had to do any hiking or adventuring for the day. you can’t say you’re to mad to skip to the cuddling

once again, he purchased a whole lot of fire starters and fancy lighters, but the two of you still struggled to get a stable fire going

eventually though, you’re both warm and feed by the fire

he bought his guitar and plays your favourite songs for you

you’re lucky that you’re out on such a clear night, able to watch the stars and listen to your partner sing for you

after a long day of getting lost in the endless pages instruction pamphlets, its finally time  to call it a night

chan thought it would be cute to get matching animal sleeping bags

he got a wolf and when he asked which one you were gonna get you chose a regular adult one

he was disappointed in your lack of humour but now he regrets not doing the same

the child size sleeping bag not even fighting one of his legs

“room in there for two?” how could you say no

lots of cuddles and late night talks, its the first time its truely just been the two of you for a long time

no sounds of the city, no loud neighbours and none of the kids disturbing the peace!

when you wake up though its a sweaty mess, tents get so hot in the sun and waking up to a warm body pressed against you is the last thing you want!

minho

ok this one is a bit hard to be crazy for bc we’ve seen him camping

but that doesn’t make it any less,,, writeable? 

if we saw a chart of “thinks their prepared, is not prepared vs thinks their prepared, is prepared” where do you think chan and minho would sit??

the camp site we’ve seen in his vlog and then his bubble messages is his little get away when his life gets too crazy

its just him and nature (plus some cats. that man is a legit cat magnet and i am so jealous!)

he doesn’t even want to bring any of the members or his friends there

its his place, all he has to worry about is himself

and its not even a worry! he enjoys cooking so feeding himself is a simple task,,, and thats all he’s sorta required to do there

but not long after he started dating you, he realised he wanted to experience the peace of his camping with you

if he was stressed and couldn’t get away, he would turn to you. both of his stress relievers in one place would be a dream come true! (that sounds sexual, i promise i didn’t mean it like that 😭*turns 18 and writes smut right away*) 

despite being there bc he’s currently stressed to the max, he can’t help but care for you still

he cooks the most delicious meals for you

lets you shower first and for as long as you want, not minding the cold water for himself if you use up the supply of the hot

and then when you’re out, makes sure you’re comfortable and warm in bed to ensure you don’t get sick on him

but its not all him caring for you! he knows this as well, loving the way you look out for him

yes he does all the cooking but you’re right by his side, helping to prepare any food he needs to create his dishes

he knows how long you shower for at home so he knows you’re conscious of him by only taking short showers despite how much he insists he doesn’t mind the cold

you’ll wait up for him while he showers, sometimes stealing his side of the bed to make sure its warm when he gets back

you even made sure to pack cat treats incase he attracted anymore strays

needless to say, camping with lee know is a break from your busy lives where you can look after each other

recharge together before heading back to work

changbin 

the man of the hour! why im writing this for hehe (he’s my boyfriend and you can’t change my mind on that idc)

biggest baby!

i’ve been having to boil hot water for drinks over a gas stove

and can you imagine doing that for him while he holds the light and just makes commentary the entire time

like i imagine it going how that one vlog went with his sister where she’s cooking for him and he’s standing there pretending to help but really is being more of a nuisance than anything

but you love him for it

you’re setting up the gas tanks and dealing with fire, he can’t help but just be impressed

not only can you hold your own, but you look after him!

he always is expected to be the caretaker in relationships, being a big strong guy and all, surely he wears the pants in the relationship

but both of you have one leg each in these pants, both of you struggling to walk in the pants. its like a three legged race but worse bc now there’s 4 legs, all out of sync (in the best way possible)

you will make him hot chocolates and deal with the gas stove top

you’ll rub his head in the spa while the two of you soak in the hot water

but he’ll carry you across the river when you two go exploring, not wanting you to get your shoes wet

he’ll make sure to watch out for any mosquitos in the area, swatting them away before they get to you

hes a bit like minho, both of you looking out for each other but a lot less prepared to do so in a campsite 

“yo binnie you know how to set this thing up?”

“y/n i’ve even seen one of these before today” he says as he swings around a tent pole and almost takes you out with it

but its ok bc both of you end up getting the tent up after a long while

he’s just a big baby and i want to give him a hug and make him a hot chocolate ok! it’s all i’ve been thinking about

you two wouldn’t be able to sleep so early into the night so you sneak out to go make hot chocolate’s and sit around the dying flame of the fire pit

its like your teenagers sneaking out despite having paid your bill to stay at the camp ground, knowing you can come and go out of your tent as you please

but that excitement is always something you’ve felt throughout your relationship with changbin and you can’t see it ever leaving

hyunjin

mr dramatic over here would be so distraught at the sight of any bug in the area

and news flash you’re outside in forest, there’s gonna be bugs

all jokes aside though, camping with hyunjin would be such a freeing experience!

he’d definitely use this time to unwind and really get into his painting, with no distractions he’s able to get the creative flow going and create some beautiful works of either you or the landscape around him

and if you’re a writer reading this, then you can do what i’m doing right now and take your boredom in the fact that there’s no power and write as well!

or really if you create anything (art, writing, knitting, any creative outlet!), you’d be right by him doing the same

you’d also do lots of exploring with him!

you’d set of on the hike only to stop every five minutes to look at something

if its somewhere you’ve been before or the two of you are camping somewhere you are knowledgeable about (like camping near your home town or something) then he’d ask lots of questions about the wildlife and plants around you!

but if its new for both of you then it would be so fun discovering everything together

i just imagine sitting by the river bank with him, watching as small fish and other strange water creatures swim through the rock pools

pointing to each and every little movement to make a comment about it

“yo that fish kinda looks like you though”

the comments soon lead to a water fight which ends in the two of you swimming

unlike any ocean or pool the two of you have swam in before, the current drags you down the river

you allow yourself to float for a bit before you’ll both swim back up to where you started

just chatting and relaxing against the river and all its sounds

eventually though one of you remembers all the fish/insects/creatures you saw swimming in there just moments ago and freaks out thinking about it swimming against your skin

so you retreat back to shore, having to hike back to your campsite soaking wet and cold

lots of cuddles to warm up in the tent though

both of you so exhausted you just crash

but it was such a good experience with him. like the two of you are so comfortable with each other that being in by yourselves camping in the woods is such a amazing time 

(but both can’t wait to get back home and enjoy the comfort of your own bed again)

[bonny-kookoo]

Seokjin: Memory Lane

In which you find an old Journal of Jin's, where his past self has some pretty interesting thoughts about you.

Tags/Warnings: Idol Seokjin, angst, fluff, adult themes mentioned but not in detail

Length: mid

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You're sorting through old stuff when you find it.

It's really not even a journal- it's more like a very old spiral block, cardboard front decorated in old stickers, torn on the edges and faded. You can't make out the years at all on most pages- but the entries seem old.

It's Jin's. It's definitely his. You'd remember his handwriting even if you're sixty.

You really just skip through some pages. As soon as you see something personal, you attempt to close it, trying to conserve his privacy even though he's put his life basically out there for all to see anyway as an Idol now. But then, you catch your name written in bold letters. A heart accompanying it.

You can't help yourself.

You know that's unhealthy. Relishing in the past is never a good idea, especially when so many now harsh and painful memories accompany it. But with it in your hands now, it's already happened. The first words already have you back in a chockehold because even in writing, Jin had always been nothing but himself.

[Remember to always carry snacks around- she loves snacks, more than big meals]

He'd scribbled that one one page, as if it was an important note.

[How come she can forget to eat but never forgets how I tripped and fell face first into the mud when we went on that fishing trip together?]

You do remember that. He'd asked you to come along multiple times, and every time you'd told him you didn't even know how to fish at all. Even so, he still invited you every time, told you to come watch him at least, and that he would one day figure out how to prepare fish properly to eat it. He's always been like that. If he didn't know how to do something, he'd do everything to figure it out somehow.

[I like the inside of her arms. The skin is so smooth, and warm, and when my hands are cold, I can just sneak them into her way too big sleeves to warm them up (remember to ask for my sweater back)]

Even now you still love wearing too large sized clothing. It gives you comfort, warms you up, steps in for a person that could and maybe even should hold you during cold nights like these.

He never asked for that sweater back.

[She cut her hair and I told her it's weird. I didn't mean weird as in bad?? It's just different, and I don't know how to explain it. It's bad. In the way that I'm jealous. When I have to get my hair cut one day, can I still look as pretty as she does? I'd probably date her if she was bald, too. How unfair.]

It makes you laugh. You really thought he'd hated your short hair when it happened. You'd had to cut it because bleaching and coloring it too much had damaged it beyond any saving- and when Jin had seen it, he'd laughed, called it weird. You never let him explain, just left him standing there in the school's hallways.

[I can't sing well, and I can't play the guitar very well either. Jungkook had sung his girlfriend a song yesterday, and I never felt so bad. I want to impress her too, but honestly, what's so something I can do well apart from bragging?]

You never knew he'd felt that way about himself. If anything, you'd ways taken him for overly confident, sure of himself, both feet steady on the ground below. You had always thought that his insecurities were limited to just being fickle and unsure often. Maybe a bit messy here and there. But not.. This.

No matter if he was an expert at either singing or play g the guitar, that night when you both had drunkenly sang to the tune of the radio will always stay one of your fondest memories.

[I asked her out. I did it. And guess what? She said no.]

You sigh at that. It's clear from the plain sentence and the fact that there's a streak like a pen having been thrown at the paper tells you his frustration in that moment must've been huge. But you couldn't say yes.

He was on the wave of sucess. Their sales had been at an all time high. Suddenly, everyone was talking about the seven guys from south korea. Suddenly, he was finally being seen by millions. He would've given that up in a heartbeat for you, you know this.

It's exactly why you said no.

[I wonder how she's doing. I haven't talked to her mother in ages- would it be weird if I was to send her a present for her birthday this year? Maybe. God, what if she has a boyfriend now? What if she's married? Or has KID'S?!]

Theres a crying face scribbled on the side, together with the phrase 'i don't want to get old alone'.

It hurts to read. But looking at how far he's come now, you know it was for the best. You still checked his social media often, found yourself feeling weird at any dating rumor spread. As if the world was mocking you.

He's fine now, you know he is. He's got his family and friends around him. He's got all the love he could ever need, and someday, he will have his own little family as well.

There's a page littered with old faded images of the two of you. He looks incredibly young, wears glasses in some photos, and you trace the dates on them fondly.

Sometimes memories hurt. Other times they make you sad.

And sometimes, they let you relive what was, and daydream about what could've been.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Yah, that's private you little gremlin, how did you even find that in the first place?! These photos look hideous, they need to be destroyed!" he yells, running after you, your hands still clutching the notebook tightly as you dash upstairs.

"Give that back!" he yells, laughing along with you when he catches you on the bed, your arms securely holding the book whe he leans over you. "you know, with the position we're in I could see myself getting in the mood for some loving my wife." he raises his eyebrows suggestively. You laugh, putting the notebook on the bedside table, his lips eagerly placed on yours as soon as you turn back to him.

Well aware that he cherishes those memories just as much as you do.

He'd never throw them away.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[countrymusiclover]

36 - Love Ain’t Complicated Anymore

Part 37

Country Rancher

Tags @whateverthecostner @rosie-posie08 @kaycejdutton @kayceduttonn @kcloveswrestling @the-morning-star-falls @kaymudd @hcwthewestwaswcn

Shutting the truck door my boots hit the muddy dirt. I had gone into town to get some stuff Bree had asked for since the baby was making her life miserable today. Carrying my hat in my freehand I saw Lioyd was climbing down from his horse. “Morning Lloyd, how is everything going with the cattle? I am sorry that Kayce and I have been so busy with our daughter and all.”

“You ain’t gotta apologize for that, Y/n. The family of this place is what matters. The cattle don’t have to bother with our life.” He responded back, coming to lean against the metal fence.

Sitting the bag of groceries down on the ground I smiled putting my hands on my hip. “I wanted to thank you. For helping ne when Kayce and I were fighting. It wasn't right for Bree to see that so I'm glad she had you there."

“Your little darling is so sweet. If she’s anything like you dear she will turn out to be a very good mamma…Hey, I was heading up to the rodeo tonight would ya’ll want to come with me?” He asked tipping his hat to me, smiling.

Grabbing the bag of stuff I heard the front door open with Maxon barking his head off as he ran down the porch steps. Bree stopped holding her hands up when he placed his front paws on her growing stomach. “Easy boy. I won’t get her going down steps.” She explains seeing that he wasn't letting her move another step.

"Maxon! Here boy." I called hitting my hands on my knees where he dropped on all fours rushing over to me. “Hey little B go find your siblings and tell them to get ready for the rodeo tonight. LIoyd is taking us there for the evening.”

She nodded, turning on her heels and up the wooden stairs. “Alright mamma.”

Entering the main house with the golden retriever following me at the heel of my boots. Going upstairs to our bedroom I shut the door knowing that Kayce was finishing up something in the barn since it wouldn’t take him as long to get ready. Pushing some shirts away I gasped catching a box that I had put up on a shelf not really remembering what was inside of it. Laying the lid down I gasped feeling some tears seeing a picture of Lee and I hugging one another in a sidebar at a rodeo when Bree was still a baby. "Oh Lee, I hope you were right about us…"

"I feel uneasy about not carrying around my little girl right now." I admitted to him while we were sitting on some barstools waiting for the events to start.

The eldest Dutton sent me a look smiling back at me. "Look, I don't think it would be hard to be away from her. But I think you deserve a night out where you can have adult fun."

"I appreciate it, Lee. I haven’t really been out of the house since forever…" I paused hearing a familiar song playing where I sat my beer bottle down squealing. "Oh my gosh. I love this song!"

Lee sat his drink down, tipping his hat and offering me his freehand smirking down at me. "Do you wanna dance with Y/n?"

"Sure thing, cowboy." Placing my hands in his we headed away from the bar so we had room to dance. He placed his right hand in mine. I put my hand on his shoulder and his other on my hip.

Lee started singing slowly, twirling me underneath his arm when he spun me out and back into his chest. "I wonder what he's doing. (Love ain't) feelin' like a fool and. (You can't). Keep lettin' him do it to you, uh. 'Cause love ain't you on a sidewalk in your new dress all alone."

"Love ain't you callin' me 'cause he ain't pickin' up his phone. The way you're talkin' sounds like he's somebody you should hate. I may not know what love is girl, but I know what love ain't." I sang meeting his gaze spinning him under my arm as best as I could, making him lose his hat and it fall on the ground.

He chuckled, picking it up off the ground dusting it off. He sits in on my head before we finish the ending of the song. "I may not know what love is girl, but I know what love ain't. Come over, let me show you what he can't. 'Cause he can only show you what love ain't. Love ain't (love ain't) yeah yeah. (Love ain't) love ain't."

"Y/n, the thing between you and my brother is complicated. And I understand if you don't want to give him another chance since he left you when he got another girl pregnant. But I do think ya'll can find your way back to one another." Kayce's oldest brother declared squeezing my hands intertwined with his.

Grinning up at him I hope that he was right and one day I did find my way back to him like the romantic couple would in the movies. "Maybe one day you are right, Lee. We will have a fairytale life of some sort."

"Come on kiddos. This way I'll get us some good seats." LIoyd pushed the twins along with Bree and Tate following after him.

I paused in my step leaning against the fence sniffing a little since we had passed the bar that Lee and I had gone to when we were split up. Kayce walked up to me resting a hand on my shoulder seeing that I was a little upset. "Hey, you alright honey?"

"I uh - I came here with your brother Lee. And he…he told me that he hoped that we would find our way back to each other." I sniffled feeling some tears falling down until he cupped my face in his larger hands making me look into his brown eyes.

He pressed his forehead down onto mine and sniffed through some tears of his own. "Hey now. Don't focus on the past. We can't change what happened…but he was right. We are meant to be together, you and I. We are a team. I love you, my sweet darling."

"I love you too, Kayc…I'm sorry about this. I shouldn't be getting emotional when this is a night with the kids." He puts a finger to my lips, cutting me off before he wiped away the stray tears.

"Don’t shut your emotions out. Alright you know what we are going to do. We are going on a date night tomorrow just the two of us. Because we need some time away from our kids even though I know we love them like crazy.”

Burying my face against his chest gripping his jacket in my fingers he put his chin on top of my head. Footsteps ran over to us where we saw that it was Elsa who was wearing Lioyd’ hat on her head where it was way too big. “Mommy. Daddy, I want to rodeo when I grow up.”

“Well sweet girl. You have to wait until you're big enough to ride a horse on your own. But I bet Uncle Lloyd will be thrilled to teach you.” Picking her up from the ground Kayce ruffled her hair handing him back his hat when we went to find our seats.

Kayce wrapped his arm around my waist mumbling into my ear when I leaned into his embrace seeing the kids all entertained by the events. “You don’t have to hide anything from me, love. I will always be here.” I felt a pit in my gut at his words since I hadn’t yet told him about Jaime’s phone call the other night. But that would be a problem for down the road hopefully.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[a34trgv2]

In Defense of Justin Bieber

Among the many musical artists that are celebrated as icons in the eyes of the public, you'd be hard pressed to find one as divisive as Justin Bieber. Despite his immense popularity and devoted fanbase, critics and Internet users worldwide have been throwing harsh critiques and cringy memes at his expense since he rose to stardom. I've seen first hand how the fame and negativity surrounding Justin has afrected him, both physically and mentally. For this post that is about a decade late to the party, I'll be discussing why Justin Bieber is not just a talent musician, but is also a really good person deep down.

In the mid to late 2000s, Justin was a talented kid from Ontario covering songs from the likes of Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Usher, Alicia Keys, and Edwin McCain among others on his YouTube channel. He was discovered by his manager, Scooter Braun, and released hit after hit before he was even 15. In addition to having wonderful singing chops, Justin was very skilled on guitar, drums, and piano. Justin's musical prowess made him a local celebrity in his hometown of Stratford, but after releasing his debut single One Time, he was an international celebrity. It was with his debut album, My World 2.0, that he became a global phenomenon as it sold 283,000 copies in it's first week. The lead single, Baby, featuring rapper Ludacris, also became a smash hit with the accompanying music video raking in millions of views. All this is to say, Justin made it huge in the music industry, but unfortunately not everyone was happy about it.

With the millions of fans Justin Bieber had, he also had just as many detractors. It'd be one thing if some people weren't a fan of his songs or thought his singing was adequate at best or even if they just brushed him off as a trend that would be forgotten about in a week and thought nothing of it. But oh how wrong I was for thinking we lived in a sensible society. The music video for Baby became the most disliked video on Youtube at the time and many comments were crude, nasty, unfunny, and hurtful. And that was tame compared to all the other stuff Justin had to go through for the next few years. He's had things thrown at him while performing, grown adults were making hit pieces and slams against him, and paparazzi were hounding him on his personal life. This was all done maliciously for the sole purpose of gaining clicks and 15 seconds of fame. None of these people ever took into consideration that Justin Bieber was still a child and all this negativity being thrown his way is gonna give him anxiety and depression.

And what do you know?! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT FREAKING HAPPENED!!! Yes, I'm well aware Justin did some stupid and irresponsible things during the 2010s, such as reckless driving, vandalism, DUI, and resisting arrest. All that said, though, the root problem with all of Justin Bieber's controversies was that he was L-O-N-E-L-Y! Imagine being one of the most recognized people in the world and not having any real friends to comfort you. Outside of immediate family, Justin had nobody, no one to vent his frustrations to. And he didn't try to hide the fact that he wasn't happy either. This was most evident in the song Where Are U Now, where the lyrics ask where the person he cared about is now that he's going through it. While the song had several other writers besides him, I think this was Justin's way of asking for help during the worst time in his life.

The bulk of the blame for Justin Bieber's depression and anxiety should go squarely to his manager. Scooter Braun may have been instrumental with putting Justin on the map, but the way he handled Justin's career and his mental health was just despicable. Justin should've taking a hiatus after the My World Tour to recharge his batteries. Justin also should've been in therapy, spend as much time with his family as he wants, and have paparazzi be forbidden to take photos of Justin without going through security first. That would imply that Scooter was a good manager and not this generation's Col. Tom Parker. Yeah, that's how bad he is; Justin should've fired him years ago.

Naysayers that think he's nothing but a teen heartthrob that swims in his riches like Scrouge McDuck clearly ignore his philanthropy and Christian upbringing. In 2011 he donated proceeds from his concerts to the Japanese Red Cross following the disastrous earthquake and tsunami of Tohoku. He's also a big supporter of Pencils 4 Promise, a charity that builds schools in developing countries. He was also one of 85 artists that participated in the We Are The World 25 For Haiti song that gave support to Haiti during their disastrous earthquake in 2010. He's also a big advocate for mental health (for obvious reasons), with his recent donation of $100k to Julie Coker, a fan that works in mental health awareness, as proof positive. Justin is a believer in God, though unlike religious nut jobs like Kirk Cameron, he doesn't shove his beliefs down people's throats. Rather he showcases his beliefs by example. He attends Churchrome, was baptized in Jesus' name in 2014, and led worship at SoFi Stadium with fellow Christian artists Kari Jobe and Cody Carns. As a fellow Christian who also struggles with anxiety and depression day by day, Justin has my respect for still being faithful even after everything that's happened to him.

Justin Bieber isn't some privileged brat who let fame get to his head and destroy his mental health. He's an earnest young man from Ontario who had a passion for music, got his big break, and rode an emotional rollercoaster he was essentially forced on and is now suffering the long term consequences. Underneath the big name celebrity exterior is a good man who loves music, is a strong advocate for mental health, uses his platform to inspire others. Best of all he's married to a beautiful woman and is on his way to being a father. He definitely deserves to live a long and prosperous life, especially to see his child grow up and one day say, "My Dad is the greatest."