#and i talk to people online mostly anyway so there's not a problem of me being lonely

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

[mechanicalbowtye]

read the scratch upd8. little too close to home

[neolithicsheep]

I've been meaning to write this down for some time because there are some fundamental errors that people keep making in crowdfunding/sales that shoot their campaigns in the foot. So here's a list of easy principles.

Who am I and why should you listen to me? I am a freelance chaos marketer who has raised well over $100,000 when totaling up various crowdfunding campaigns, mostly for aid to Afghanistan. In addition I've managed to successfully market everything from stuffed plush koalas to hydration salts. Why am I putting this out here for free? Because despite a years long track record of success in social media marketing no one will hire me because I don't have a college degree, so I might as well help people out who can't afford to hire full time marketing. 

If you'd like to hire me to help you evaluate your marketing and sales and teach you better skills on a 1 to 1 basis then hit me up, I am often willing to barter, esp with artists in a variety of mediums! 

Anyway on to HOW TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU MONEY:

TL;DR: use positive messaging that humanizes everyone involved and make it as easy as possible for people to give you money.

1. Shame and guilt are demotivators. They will not inspire people to give you money. “Why aren't people helping” “I guess people don't care” “This isn't getting enough shares/donations” etc etc. Online fundraising is often frustrating, heartbreaking, and will make you angry, especially when there's a humanitarian crisis involved. It is critical that if you are raising funds for someone else that you have a place to vent that is not the audience you would like to donate to the cause. 

2. Use motivating messages instead! “You can help!” “Even a small donation is important because it tells Recipient they're not alone, and people care” “We can't fix the whole world, but we can make this one thing right, and that means something”. Emphasize that this is a problem that the reader can help fix with even a small effort. With items for sale, tell a story. "I drew this thinking about how safe I always felt under a tree in my childhood backyard". "I chose the colors in this shawl to remind me of sagebrush and piñon pine in my favorite place."

3. Make it easy for people to give you money. Never talk about your product or cause without a link that leads directly to where people can give you money. They should be able to click one link on your post and land at the fundraiser or your shop. Every required click is going to lose people, so minimize the number of them required. This also means if you have a list of fundraisers for people to choose from the ones at the bottom will be neglected - people will hit the ones at the top. Be sure to take those off when they're met or periodically shuffle the list around to make sure everyone gets a chance to be in the first 5 spots. In online stores people will often only look at the first page or two of items so be sure to shuffle things around and remove out of stock items that are taking up prime real estate.

4. Humanize the recipient - this can be tricksy when raising charitable aid because you don't want to be exploitative. But to use my last Afghan campaign as an example, “We need to raise $500 for an Afghan family” is less effective than “This Afghan family's home was damaged in heavy rains that caused extensive flooding. They only need $500 to repair and rebuild so they can stay in their home and not become displaced.”  If possible, tell as much of the recipient's story as they consent to. Eg “Fred is seven and loves dinosaurs. His favorite is brontosaurus, and he carries a stuffed one with him everywhere. He wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up and discover a complete brontosaurus skeleton that he can give the same name as his stuffed friend. Unfortunately he's also a trans boy living in Texas and his family needs $1500 to rent a Uhaul and get to Colorado so he can grow up in safety and do that.”

5. If you're not the recipient, humanize yourself while you're at it! “I'd be really grateful if you all could share or donate” “This fundraiser really means a lot to me because…” “Thank you so much for any help, whether sharing or donating” 

6. Treat the audience like humans. Speak to them like they are people you're having a conversation with, not ATMs. This ultimately is the goal of not using shame/guilt and humanizing yourself and the recipient. 

7. Set low goals and bump them up when met. One of the weird things about people is they prefer to give to successful fundraisers. Yeah I don't know either. So you're more likely to get the full amount you need if you set a partial goal initially and then raise it when that's met. Raise it in small increments and raise it repeatedly as those goals are hit to keep momentum going. You can't always control this so if you're boosting someone else's fundraiser you can do it artificially via asks like “Hey y'all can we get together and put $500 on this?”

[opennwindows]

If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?

If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖

Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs

A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!

btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.

cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,

GENERAL

ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.

he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.

the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.

contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.

ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.

lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.

ROMANTIC

you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.

“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”

would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.

he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.

after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.

favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)

not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.

now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.

he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.

ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.

the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.

a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.

please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.

pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.

big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.

NSFW

okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!

ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.

i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.

definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.

despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.

he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.

he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.

he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.

did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.

he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.

[grahamkennedy]

this might sound kinda stupid, but following your blog has genuinely had a huge imapct on the way i think about us-centrism online. Im australian too, and after reading your posts I began to notice that I avoid using regional words or talking about moveis/tv/music that i thought american people wouldn't know about. but why should i have to?! its such a simple realisation, but it was pretty powerful to me! you know, i have to learn about 1001 specific american brand names to understand half the jokes on here, but i feel embarrassed talking about idk.. netball?? the impulse to explain any australian specific experience that i mention so that the usamericans can understand it is so annoying! why do i feel the need to have to do that?? I've been trying to get over my cultural cringe surrounding australian art and literature for a while, but i sort of didnt realise how deeply it was ingrained for simple, everyday stuff. its also made me really quite angry too. because in many ways australia IS so similar to the us. yet so many people in the notes of posts about australia are just so deeply apathetic about learning (or even just being respectful of) any sort of cutural differences. needless to say, this often ends up leading to people spouting very colonialist ideas and just being very plainly and obviously racist against indigenous people. but the gleeful ingorance about any country other than than the us is staggering. everyone online has to have an in depth knowledge about us politics, but no one can make a post about the politics of their own country without being forced to dumb it down so that an american audience with no prior knowledge can understand it. sorry for the rant! i wasnt planning on writing this much (or getting this annoyed) but it kind of got away from me! anyway, i love your blog lol <3

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK

I've been thinking of how to reply but the problem is I'm kind of stupid so I didn't know how.

I first started getting super annoyed by this when I got into The Newsreader. It was something I thought 'this has so many themes and ideas and characters that people would so be into' but then as it gained popularity, people, mostly American, got really weird about it. I got an ask that I was very nice about at the time but retroactively pissed me off, being like "well its about Australian history, can an American still watch it???". I noticed similar attitudes popping up, and getting more popular from Sam Reid fans who came over from IWTV.

I think as people who live with USCentrism every day, we still shouldn't get complacent and limit ourselves to Western world views, especially white ones. We need to broaden our horizons as well and also understand the place we have in Western imperialism.

But I'm glad more people are actually starting to understand how prevalent USCentrism is and I'm more than happy to be part of the conversation.

Thaaaaaankkkkk u for this ask.

[chronically-ghosted]

i totally agree that it’s ridiculous for people to write fics for films that haven’t been released yet, but the problem isn’t the smut itself. people have every right to write porn if that scratches the itch.

i think your main point is the most important: it’s impossible to write a thoughtful, inspired fic when we don’t even know the story it’s based on. no one knows who this character is or what he’s like.

at this point, everyone should just call a spade a spade and write pedro rpf. all they care about is seeing his face in different situations.

so my earlier post was not so much a statement on Pedro Pascal Character fanfiction/porn, but the commercialization of art and I interpreted the thoughts and opinions of others through the lens of the medium I most often express myself with, which is fanfiction.

let me be clear: i have no problem with smut - pwp or otherwise. people are allowed to write whatever they want, about whoever they want, with whatever tropes make them happy.

my overall focus (and granted it was probably very muddled by the end of those - what, like three reblogs?) was an interrogation of fanfiction as art, and the state of art in this modern era. and after doing some more thinking and listening to more people much smarter than me (thank you to everyone who dm-ed me directly to talk further about this), my opinion is thus: the creation of content (not art) is more ubiquitous today is not because we are getting more stupid as a society, not because of our failing attention spans, not because we are on the brink of moral collapse but because we physically do not have the mental strength to be intellectually curious as a direct result of constant, distracting, emotionally-draining stimuli.

i can explain what i mean below the cut with two primary examples, specifically regarding the shift in fanfiction cult, and yes, the prominence of smutty oneshots in the pedro pascal character fandom of which this blog is a part of.

I have been in various fandoms for almost twenty years. I have been writing fanfiction for almost that same amount of time. In recent years, I've noticed two trends that initially discouraged me, but that I now believe is a symptom of our adjustment to a modern, constantly online era.

A severe lack of engagement within the artistic artifacts of a fandom

The quality of the fanfiction itself (because yes I do consider fanfiction to be an artform) has gone down hill - mostly.

Lack of engagement:

Art is inherently created to be shared. This is especially true for fandom because the community lives or dies by how many people are interacting with each other and sharing ideas (news, theories, fanart, fanfic, etc). If you say a fandom is dead, it means there haven't been any new posts or fic about it in years. So I don't wanna hear it when people say, "oh write for yourself, you shouldn't be chasing engagement" because that is antithetical to the very concept of fanfiction.

In recent years, I have seen and experienced myself engagement in my work only so far as a like or kudo. This is not how it used to be. Message boards (yes I am that old) and niche fandom sites were constantly abuzz with media sharing and excitement, and everyone enjoyed some version of praise (unless you got hit by the antis but they're never fun anyway). Initially I blamed this drop in engagement on laziness: people just want the next thing, they can't be bothered to appreciate the hard work writers put in and they just see content and art as the same thing - stuff to consume.

But I myself am GUILTY of minimal reblogs and comments and I LOVE what I'm writing - the impact certain works leave me with is long, long lasting but for some goddamn reason, I can't sit down and praise the author's works. Am I lazy? Possibly, but this is also not an isolated behavior and it's on the rise: people do not have time to engage with fandom/fanfic like they used to. Most people I know have worked at least two or three jobs at some point in their lives to just to make rent. This gen z is the first generation in DECADES to be worse off economically than their parents. With an interest rate at 8%, who the fuck can afford the security of a home anymore? We work ourselves to the bone for scraps and the realization that The Dream has officially died. And so what do we want to do in the free time we do have? Engage with the very bare minimum. We want to read things that we can at best skim, things we don't have to think about or engage with in any meaningful way. We want a way to turn off the noise of the next apocalypse and sometimes the best we can do is the tap of a thumb.

Which brings me to my next point: what the fuck happened to thoughtful fanfiction?

But this question is inextricably linked to the points above: oneshots are easier to write, faster to write, and if you write fic that is basically "Mad libs porn" (without ever engaging in the actual medium because it is literally not released yet), you are doing the most minimal work for the most amount of engagement. But I can't fault ANYONE for doing that. It feels good to be told your smut is "so hot" or "this exploded my panties" and in this era where the time available to create is so fucking small and minimized of course you're going to write for the most popular character, whether or not you're interested in the source material because we want our art to matter to someone. Intellectual pundits loooove to lambast our "shorter attention spans" but fuck, when are we allowed the time to think - in between this "100 year storm" that's happened twice in the past five years, or the global pandemic that turned millions of deaths into a political punching bag, or the next video of a white woman crying wolf to the police over an innocent black man, or - or - or - or

In a day where reality and the world as we know seems to be holding onto a thread, we turn to comfort: comforting tropes (dbf to rape/kidnap fantasies), comforting fanfic (pwp), and comforting ways to engage with fandom. There is nothing wrong with wanting your art to be appreciated and there's nothing wrong with inherently wrong with pwp - but I do believe its symptomatic of a MUCH larger and more sinister movement within ALL art right now.

I come from the generation who banished fanfic authors for scrubbing off the filing numbers to their fics and publishing it as original content because, in our communities, they were selling out. Fanfiction is inherently an act of rebellion. Every time you write fanfiction you break canon, an established structure with its own rules and boundaries. So by trying to appeal to the masses, to curb your own writing to fit whatever is mainstream, you are doing a disservice to yourself AND to the art of fanfiction. If something you write becomes popular, wonderful, great, you are very lucky and there is nothing wrong with that either. But do not sell out your 13 beloved fans who WILL take the time to leave a comment, who WILL take the time to reblog because your weird little fic spoke to them on a fundamental level and now is with them for the rest of their lives - in favor of a 100 thumb taps.

If you've made it here, thank you very much for reading. I've added some links to some additional references to see how this concept of "populist" art is having a serious negative down turn in the quality of art, but is also not any one individuals personal failings:

Why the world is addicted to background tv by Kayleigh Day

How Modern Audience are failing cinema by Like Stories of Old

Rupi Kaur episode of Rehash podcast

I'm always here to talk fic and art and what makes you excited about your writing. Much love and please rest. We need you here.

[ms-demeanor]

Heya, got a question about cybersecurity meetups. Do you think folks would be cool with a rando showing up because they're curious and like learning new stuff, especially for writing? And also because internet privacy is super important rn and there's no good books or written sources I can find on hacking, the dark web, etc; let alone digestible to somebody who knows what a directory is and how to use command line and not much more.

Also. I know it's gonna vary per location, so if you can't speak for all of 'em, I get it. Are these kinds of spaces like 2600 and Defcon queer friendly? Or I guess what I'm asking is are they notorious a place queer people should avoid. I'm non-binary and don't rly pass as remotely normal or straight, and I have nobody to go with me :|

Thank you!

Meetups that are publicly listed are very cool about randos showing up to learn new stuff and talk to weird people. Most meetups tend to be about 5 parts socializing and 1 part "tech activity" like a talk or a demo if they have a tech activity at all, so you're mostly just going to be meeting people and talking to them about themselves.

I will say, if you show up specifically saying "i'm a writer and i'm here to learn about stuff for writing" you're probably going to get some trolling - that's pretty common and a lot of meetups do have to deal with stuff like journalists periodically showing up to get the inside scoop about the scary hackers and that usually gets some fairly mean-spirited teasing directed at them.

So it's better to show up because you want to learn generally. People don't like being used as reference material during their socializing; they're there to hang out and talk to people with similar interests, so ask them about their interests. You can just say you're new to the scene and you heard about hacker meetups online and wanted to learn more.

If you want to do something to pregame and learn a bit about hacking ahead of time you may want to try hackthissite.org, check out 2600 magazine, or look on the DefCon forums to see what's going on in your local DC Groups. There are some good books about hacking; I like The Cuckoo's Egg and am asking anyone with good books or memoirs about hacking to chime in in the notes.

I will say, asking about the darkweb specifically might get you some eyerolls because it's something that sounds a lot scarier and more intimidating to most people than it actually is. You can get on the darkweb now. You can do it on your phone. Here's a very basic get-started guide. I don't think it's necessary to use a VPN to use Tor (most guides recommend it and then link to pages full of affiliate links for VPNs), and here's the Tor user manual to get started if you want to. Be careful, and if you're planning on doing anything that requires actual anonymity do a LOT more research before you follow the advice in any guide, but yeah pretty much everybody with an internet connection can get access to the darkweb in about twenty minutes. It's just websites that you need to use a slightly different set of tools to navigate to (granted, the content of the websites might be horrifying, so. Again. Be careful.)

Anyway moving on:

Defcon has had Queercon (a queer party for queer hackers) as a part of the con for at like twenty years and I know many queer and trans people who are part of the scene. And there are a lot of trans folks who I know who are volunteers at defcon and help to run hackerspaces and who volunteer and attend and run all manner of cons. I can't speak for your local group, but I've found that hackers in generally are more tolerant of a *lot* of things than the broader population is (they are weird people who engage in a hobby or who engage in work that is often technically criminal - they don't have a lot of room to judge and the more sensible ones among them know that).

HOWEVER I have personally had problems with defcon the conference specifically about harassment and infosec does lag behind other parts of the tech sector in participation from women. Defcon is working on it and i know their current head of conference security is very serious about ensuring that it's a welcoming space for people and that if people DO have problems at the con it is handled in a serious, sensitive way. (Legitimately, he's a good dude) I just. I don't go to defcon. There's more info in my pinned post. That conference is burned for me.

BUT there are a lot of other conferences, big and small, and there are a lot of local groups to look into. You'll have to get to know your local scene, but I'd bet that if one part of your local scene is unwelcoming that other parts are more open.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for using my moms money to buy games?

The title sounds bad, but I'm not sure how else to word it. This is also going to be a weird one as, in advance, I know the other party isn't an asshole, however I think it's a similar situation im tone and I really need some feedback on this.

I'm 22 and live with my mom and cat. I've lived with her my whole life, and continue to due to disability. My mom has 2 jobs that she mainly works on weekends, and I'm unemployed. Ever since covid it's been incredibly difficult for me to find work because it is still very much a thing despite what people want to believe, and I can't be in contact with random people physically due to immune issues and the chance of getting sick. Online jobs are apparently very hard to find (my mom has tried) and many ask for a payment beforehand. I do however get social security income that pays most of our bills/utilities, and we're also on foodstamps for groceries.

My family has never been well off. I wouldn't call us dirt poor, we've never had to go hungry, and I always had toys to play with/clothes as a kid. But my mom has had to manage funds well and we've never had a lot of money for leisure or frivolous purchases. My mom will buy herself things like some new clothes, a phone charger, roku set, etc smaller things like that when she gets her paycheck but extra expenses such as furniture have to be planned out probably weeks/months ahead of time. We also moved recently and ever since then our budget has been more difficult, the down payment really screwed with my moms expenses.

Because of our situation, I never really had games growing up. I remember we had maybe 3 big family consoles during me and my sisters whole childhood (with like 3-6 games on them each, most of which were guitar hero which my mom and sister loved to play), and I would get a new handheld for myself every few years. I never got to play the new exciting games people were always talking about, and my gaming experience has really been limited to like. Animal crossing, the sims, and cooking mama.

I played a bunch of roms as a kid so that helped, but I was always kinda sad and felt left out that I never got to experience gaming the way other people did. I really wanted to try the "classics" people talked about but didn't have any way to. People (especially as I got into my 20s and started following streamers + nintendo direct for example) would always talk about the New Thing coming out and playing it the day it dropped, all the excitement and community people had around that, but if I really wanted that kind of game, I'd have to wait a few years before getting it and trying it out, and by then no one was playing it anymore anyways.

As time went on things got a little better. Especially because of my moms new jobs, both of which she genuinely loves doing, though it's still work, we have been a bit better off. It's only been recently we started struggling more again.

Recently I've been kind of asking for things from my mom. Mostly it's steam games. I found I've gotten much more into gaming as a hobby as I've gotten older, and I have a long wishlist of games that I really want to get into, but of course have no money to myself. I should also clarify that NONE of these are those big triple A $60 titles, as I still can't ever justify paying something so expensive for one game. So sometimes lately I've been asking my mom "hey, can I get this/these games?" And use her money/card to purchase them. I don't do it constantly, or even super often, but I feel like it's becoming more often and it makes me feel really guilty.

I have done this before, around high school I started asking my mom for certain things I wanted around the house, and usually she had no problem buying them for me. This also wasn't large stuff, nothing ever over $30 and usually only up to $20. But when I'd find something I *really* wanted, especially if it was a time limited thing like merch drops from a favorite content creator, often yarn for my knitting or art supplies I wanted to try, I would ask her.

I've pretty much always felt guilty about this. I would ask for something despite my better judgement, and for the most part my mom would say yes, and that it was okay, whereas I was the one apologizing and asking if it was "really alright". She has told me she has no issues buying things for me as long as I ask her. She says the social security I get is "technichally my money", and that she wants me to be able to use it. (Obviously we don't use the actual ssi to buy random shit, but her giving me spending money is the next best thing).

Every time I've asked my mom for something like this, I've told myself that it would be the last time, that I would get my own job and own money and not mooch on my mom anymore, but both with the stress of chronic illness and depression I never seem to get around to it. I try to do dishes and keep my room clean, take care of the cat etc as ways I can help without working, but for some reason the money really weighs on me. I know that it's really my fault, I haven't even been looking for jobs and I could always take art commissions again, but somehow a mental block always stops me.

I feel like I have a bit of an impulsivity problem when it comes to spending. The money I got from my one summer job and commissions would never last long, and honestly I couldn't even tell you what I spent it on for the weeks I had it. I have issues taking money from people, but when I realized that I may not have had the stuff I wanted as a kid simply because I never asked for/communicated that I wanted it, it made me more bold to actually ask my mom for things.

I never pester my mother about this. I'll ask once and if she says no I'll be dissapointed but won't continue. Sometimes she says that we don't have the money for it then, or that I'll have to wait until xyz thing is paid for, which is always fine. I also have *never* bought anything with her money without asking first. I get pretty much all the steam games I buy on sale (usually that's what prompts me to ask about them, actually) as personally I can't justify getting games for their asking price for the experience I'm going to get.

I feel bad as I feel like I'm wasting our money, mooching off my mom and not putting in the work to have spending money myself. I also worry that sometimes when she says it's fine, it's untrue and she's really just trying to make me feel better. I also sometimes don't play the games as soon as I get them, I have a sizeable backlog of games I have gotten but haven't "got around" to playing as I was excited to get them at a low price at the time, but then haven't felt like I'm in the right mood. This also makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm not being appreciative enough of her buying for me.

So am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[doodlemancy]

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh

so here's the deal re: this fucking horseshit. god i hate this.

i, personally, have mostly given up on trying to dodge inclusion in AI datasets. the stuff i make generally isn't what they're looking for anyway and there's no real way to 100% avoid being scraped short of becoming entirely invisible online, which would um, lead to me having no money and dying. that's part of the cruelty of all this, but also, in a way, it's the same risk artists online have always taken; if you want people to see your work, you have to post it knowing that some of those people are fucking lowlife piece of shit scumbags who will try to resell it on redbubble or something for a quick buck. AI is just a new and exhausting way for garbagey people to stink worse. i am not in any way excusing that behavior or trying to imply people should not be mad about it or that we shouldn't condemn this move and fight back. "if you don't want your work stolen, don't put it online" is the kind of shitty Internet Tough Guy talk i've always hated since my dA days. it's as useless and heartless as telling people that if they don't want their bikes stolen, they shouldn't leave them at the bike rack. i'm saying that i, personally, will not let a bunch of soulless thieving shitheads drive me offline. i belong here. they belong in a wifi-proof dumpster.

nightshade and glaze eat my artwork alive. they make it look terrible. when you have to sell things on the basis that they look nice, it's a big problem when protective measures make them look like dogshit. my work is not a good candidate for these processes. even if that weren't the case, i don't have the stamina, especially right now while my chronic pain is flaring for the third month in a row and my adhd meds are scarce, to go back and shade/glaze everything, and it wouldn't work on reblogs anyway. given the way midjourney and its equally stinky siblings have already scraped years and terabytes' worth of image data from popular websites, it doesn't seem worth my time. if you think it is worth yours i am not going to like, yell at you. i am just one person. but i want to be clear about the kind of situations some of us are being forced into.

i think some of the doomsaying about AI and what it will do to us has been overblown-- they need you, for marketing purposes, to believe that someday their shitty robot will be as good at "drawing" and as practical to work with as a human-- but the consequences of "AI" (which is not even actually AI) are already real and visible and obvious to anyone paying attention. i unfortunately am not infinitely wise and powerful and therefore do not have an ideal all-encompassing solution to this deeply stupid problem that the Most Unlikeable Manbabies On Earth have imposed on us after NFTs fizzled out.

what i do have is a very large repository of nice anime and game screenshots i've taken, knowledge of many archives of nice public domain images, a computer that can run nightshade overnight or while i'm off doing other things, and, most importantly, near-infinite capacity for pettiness. i do kinda feel like the jury is still out on how well nightshade/glaze will work in the long run, but in the meantime, i suppose it wouldn't cost me a lot to... perhaps... every time i get Mad About AI™, channel that anger into dumping some thoroughly-but-not-spammily-tagged, high-quality, inconspicuous poison onto this godforsaken hellsite via a secret side blog. i could make a batch of poison ahead of time, keep it on my phone, use my Toilet Scrolling Time or my Public Transit Time to post and tag up an image here and there. it could be a fun challenge to try to make some pretty robot poison that some humans will still enjoy.

the other thing we need to poison at this point, IMO, is the word "AI" itself, by being loudly and mercilessly critical of any company that dabbles in it, the same way we all clowned on any company that pushed their luck with NFT/crypto shit a couple of years ago. we need to have every corporation terrified that association with AI will tank their sales and hurt their brand. AI must = number go down and lots of people screaming at you. companies will fuck around. we must provide the finding-out. we shouldn't have to. but we can!

so make sure to let tumblr know you hate this. maybe you could include this interesting link (tw child abuse) about how Stable Diffusion was trained on some extremely serious crime. or these screenshots of Midjourney devs just sort of admitting what their whole thing is, which i got here but which have kinda been spread all over since January.

spite and anger can be forms of hope. that's all i have to say, or at least all i'm willing to type with my left hand tonight.

[edwad]

"gnawing criticism of the mice etc."

So what's the "earlier philosophical conscience" that you've broken with?

the whole podcast basically began with us talking about what exactly we wanted from marxism, what it ought to be able to do, what its limits were, etc. in the very first episode i explicitly allied myself with a "critical marxism" which was basically contentless but allowed me the flexibility to move in & out of the -ism as i pleased without having to do any of the hard part involved in serious thinking.

in a sense, that already expressed something of a crisis of ambiguity that we would toy with going forward until episode 7 (she even titled it "our concepts broke") at which point we publically (although behind a paywall i suppose) purged ourselves of all of that. cordelia was obviously ahead of me as she usually is and i was mostly just being dragged along against my will, but i think it was at least a kind of mutual self-clarification about what we expected to be able to take from our mostly joint-interest in marx (and, by extension, heinrich, since he was a constant reference point for us at the peak of heinrich twitter and when i was at my most dogmatically heinrichian). the result was that heinrich is basically what locascio has called "the final boss of marxism" (along with his most sophisticated "peers": milios, clarke, etc) in that he offers the most defensible/best case rendering of marx's work, but that the lingering problems from that point on are entirely marx's and not even heinrich could fully salvage him from them.

all of this was before i even split with the CoPE, which happened a few months later during my return to the history of thought (partly prompted via my renewed interest in sismondi and partly spurned by heinrich's science of value, which is thinking through marx in relation to the theoretical field of classical political economy and therefore largely taking him at his word). so the worldview i'd just abandoned -- and it was very much a kind of worldview of the commodity-form, as i've since accused postone of offering since i broke with its influence -- has been buried even more over time.

historically whenever people point to a "crisis of marxism" it very quickly turns into social democracy. this was definitely the case for many of the post-marxists in the 70s and 80s. my current interest is basically in charting a course out of that which doesn't end the same way. i don't know if i have the chops to pull it off, but i see cordelia's book as basically being a significant contribution to this kind of thing. for the time being i'll happily play second fiddle until ive clarified my own thoughts and have something im ready to share. maybe the pod will return eventually after the book is out and we have more to talk about, but it also feels like a unique product of the pandemic and a certain convergent moment in online marx-circles that probably won't happen again and likely wouldn't even be desireable anyway.

[wishhalcyon]

Do you want to read HALCYON?

do you like...FREE BOOK NO STRINGS ATTACHED?!!?!?!?

if so im posting it online! but its not going to be as cleanly edited as my other works.

i only have like, a few things id like to request, and its kind of on an honor system i'm not going to really get mad or upset if you don't do it, but its something really sweet you can do to help me as an author!

but first a description of the book!

book is: about a not nessisarily romantic but definitely bizzarely close feel free to read it however you want im not making anyone kiss project whatever you want onto them, story of a bunny girl superhero with a murder problem , and her wholesome supervillain bestie who wants nothing more than to save her, with fun themes such as found family , memory loss, and of course, miserable children, also the supervillain is a theater kid with a heart of gold and a cup of tea <3

a mix of silly and serious, I put a lot of my heart into it! And it would have been done sooner, but well i kind of got kidnapped so that kind of slowed down most of my writing and other projects for a bit there, it was only for an afternoon, no one got hurt, but it was kind of weird. it was a sort of well intentioned kidnapping though and the lady who did it is getting professional help now which is great, so im just happy she and everyone else is okay :)

I made this book wanting to make a fun world and characters and setting and stuff anyone could enjoy and find interesting, and I think the magic system in place in this lil superhero book (based somewhat on magical girl anime-) will be a fun setting for fanfics and fanart and stuff, and im SUPER excited to see if anyone makes ocs or anything for it because that'd be super cool and I love seeing other people be creative-

anyways onto the rules.

if you read it, please reblog where you found it and that i'm the author, and tell me what you thought!

im posting this online *because i want to interact with people and share what i made with others*, and celebrate other peoples craeativity too in line with that, I dont want to sue you for writing ANY fanfiction or fanart you write about my story, as long as none of you don't try to sue ME if i get inspired by them and or make fanart of them or things like that myself. I want to be an active participant in whatever fandom may or may not form around this, I want to have fun with you guys and enjoy my story WITH you guys. this means you also MAY have more control over how any future things with halcyon goes, and you may be able to help guide some decision making! But I still own halcyon it's not public domain- like i dont nessisarily expect or think i 'deserve' (though it would be so cool) a fandom like that over my book, but i think itd be neat and as someone who really heavily participates in fandom, I really want to be a part of it if i have my own. A lot of times I and other readers are VERY bothered that companies and authors dont litsen to their fans...but oftentimes they legally CANT or theyll get sued.

(Though I still get the final say in any decisions since...my book)

3. If you make anything related to it or post about it at all pretty please @ me, i WANNA SEE ALL OF IT please dont be shy, please ask questions, please say hi to me, Im posting this online because i wanna talk about my blorbos with you, @ing me is like, the reader tax- gimme your headcannons and weird cursed creations, idc if youre photoshopping Acianne into the backrooms ominously or posting about like, alternate universe where Ciero's a rabbit who's wildly daydreaming all of this up, or if youve decided to make thirst traps of hearts, go ahead, @ me, I wanna see it, if i suffer the cost so be it. Carve a watermelon to look like Cieros dad and throw it at the concrete, go splat. just go wild, have fun, just like, no hateful stuff and everyone be nice to each other.

4. im doing this partially with the thought that i could mostly make money off this via selling my own art of it and possibly a game based on halcyon...if so, then i may just post any future books online too, any thoughts guys? are these fair rules? any additions youd add? things like that? thoughts? I also have other books that I plan to publish more traditionally, This is kind of a test to see what works best really. I guess! If this takes off i might stick to free books only, if not, well publishing traditionally it is, whatever I need to do to get by you know? gotta make a living.

the biggest rule is just dont sue me please or pursue me legally im just trying to be a silly lil author who actually engages with their fandom and can get away with it i dont want to steal your stuff, i want to share headcannons with you guys and confirm or deny stuff and give you sneak peaks and PLEASE I JUST WANT TO READ FANFICTIONS WITHOUT BEING SUED IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY I LOVE FANFICTIONS LET ME FANDOM WITH YOU GUYS I DONT WANT TO BE SHADY PLEASE BY READING MY BOOK LETS JUST HAVE FUN PLEASE- CAN WE PRETTY PLEASE ???? FANFICTIONS ARE SUCH A VALUABLE AND EXCITING FORM OF LITERATURE- AND THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY SO PRETTY PLEASE BE NICE THANKS

remember DONT RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE BY SUING ME FOR GIVING YOU SOMETHING TO ENJOY, if you want nice things, don't misuse the nice things!!!! okay? okay so everyone agrees to be nice?...okay then! enjoy!

Ciero/Darling says "Please enjoy chapter 1~"

PLEASE ENJOY CHAPTER ONE I PLAN TO POST THE OTHER CHAPTERS DONT WORRY IM NOT JUST DANGLING A WORM IM JUST TRYING TO EDIT IT AND THERES A LOT OF WORDS SO IT MAY TAKE A BIT OKAY- SO YOURE GETTING IT ONE CHAPTER AT A TIME

: ) enjoy! and tell me your thoughts please <3 all i ask in return for letting you have a free book is some validation and maybe sharing it iwth others if you want-

full book is about 49 almost 50k words :) so look forward to it! it's all written i'm just trying to clean them up with a rough edit through before posting them-

also sorry for emphasising dont sue me so much but im trying to cover myself as much as I can safely I REALLY love writing and my favorite part of it is engaging with my readers, but ive been scared of doing this for a while out of fear thanks to a lot of horror stories ive read online. so please dont be mean : (

[juni-ravenhall]

updated these since the old ones were from 2020. not much is different, erased with white a bunch of options to make it easier to look at for me, changed some minor numbers that dont rly matter bc its not that easy to put those numbers down anyway.

some talk thats mostly about their relation to me and stuff about me instead of stuff about them below ⬇ (actually i should fill one of those out for me myself too. that could be fun)

i adjusted junis brother a bit focusing on just how hes like at the moment of having been rescued to jorvik, rather than thinking about his potential "real personality" if he was able to heal and become a more developed person instead of just full of trauma. i do want to eventually do something with the concept of what if he healed, or what if he hadnt been abandoned in pandoria to begin with? if hes intj like me (his behaviour is based on how i am when im completely broken down, which sadly has happened a lot in my life) then what would it be like to see him healthy and happy? its stuff id like to think about more eventually

also filled in that juni is enfj. back then i wasnt so sure what parts of her were different than me, over time i developed it and she really clearly became enfj. we both share high Ni aka my dominant function as intj but her dom Fe plays into the whole constantly being in contact w ppl thing - im also very caring and loyal, and i genuinely want to save everyone on earth and want everyone to be healthy and happy. i want society to be fixed (and ive got the ideas) and i want ppl to be kind and loving to each other. me and juni share that. but for me, i cant really handle talking to normies much bc their reality is just too different than mine. juni has no problem socialising with anyone, even if she ofc also has ppl shes the closest to and others who she might not get along with as much, its still easy for her bc Fe just has that harmonising feelings thing with others that i dont have (and being a dominant extrovert function, and not being ND, shes also not as exhausted by socialisation).

for me with low Fi i just dont really get much out of socialising for socialisations sake. its part of why i cant handle being on discord servers and stuff like that. i dont "vibe" with people in that way, i want to actually have interesting and intimate conversations and learn more about my friends, their backstory, their problems (can i help them?), their deep and genuine feelings (not stemming from copying others and peer pressure, group-think is extremely irrelevant to me and i dont view people differently if theyre supposedly in-group or out-group - im interested in everyone as an individual). for my whole life ive just been too different and for many reasons not been part of normie's society, so its just really alien to talk to normies. (as in, the abuse and isolation, the disability, the ptsd and depression, the queerness, and also just being intj, not really having a normal brain. i often wonder if the ppl who say bad things about mbti - besides the obvious "job and school mbti use is bad" yeah it is - have known what its like to just not be able to relate to almost anyone around you ever when it comes to personality. even online, even in a nerdy group, even in a place with ND people, even with queer people, even with disabled people, youre still different. you still cant relate. for me, finding out that im just a weird personality type was really important, and then i was able to study other ppl's personality types and now i actually get why people behave the way they do and why society functions the way it does for better or worse. which is a great thing to understand imo. the "omg mbti bad bc jobs and school and the tests are dumb" is one thing, but studying the functions and really truly diving into how other people function and how theyre different from you and how you all work and how the human history of the world has happened, is beautiful to me.)

as a low Fi person, with a focus on 1-on-1 connection rather than groups, i focus on talking intensely to the beloved weirdos on my computer, or posting my rambles and reading you guys rambles in return. u guys prob dont even realise, but for a lot of u, i remember like... u posting about ur job or school one time. what u posted about that u wanted to do or what ur upset about. i think about what ur ocs symbolise, why u write them that way, what part of ur personality and your lived experience, your feelings, makes u project this or that on characters. i think that a lot of ppl treat social media as a more shallow and "a drop in the ocean" type of thing, but for me, even ppl ive not talked to much on my dash, if youve been my mutual for some time, i think about you and remember things about you. if you post music i listen to it both to see if i might like the song but also bc im interested in what you like. i like learning things about people around me, the same way i like learning things about the world in general and spend obscene amounts of time studying and analysing the world both in its current and past. its an intj thing because its about my dominant Ni function, which loves analysing patterns and taking in information to process. but i dont mean that in a cold way, its an intimacy and friendship to me to learn things about you and understand you. not to "vibe" but to really know someone and see the puzzle pieces of their life. im very much about all the puzzle pieces that makes you You. im not saying its wrong to vibe and chill instead of analysing your mutuals like puzzles, just that this is something thats very different from how i am, and its been hard for me in life to relate to the way most people are.

idk if anyones reading this but some of you also prob noticed that i will pop out of nowhere and talk to you about some random thing you posted thats interesting to me, or send you a message of support if youre going through hard times. i remember when you posted that you were really sad and i notice that youre having a hard time when you post that youre sad again a month later. idk, its hard for me because im not always very emotional in a way that other people understand. i can come off as cold or quiet which in turn can come off as disinterested. but i just wanted to write it somewhere, to put out into the cosmos, that actually i care a lot about the little creatures on my dashboard and i hope that you notice even if my personality and behaviour is a bit different than what people are used to. people project mean things on me sometimes because im confident, for example, or because i stand up against things i think are harmful. because im not "loyal" if i tell a friend that theyre being rude, or im "rude" if im saying capitalism is bad. i can be projected as controlling (telling people "no" when theyre mean) or self-important (being confident in my skills and analysis) and other negative traits which is really unfair to do to someone just bc theyre different. to me i view everyone equally and i will tell off a friend if i have to, without meaning anything unkind by it. idk. ill stop rambling now bc its too much again (high Te will also do that) but i just have feelings and thoughts about that my beloved mutuals dont even know that theyre beloved and that my way of expressing myself is weird and its hard to live in society based around ppl who are very different than me in many ways. but learning mbti / jung functions was really great for me to feel understood and to understand others.

[utterentropy]

I haven't been so excited for the next day since the day before I met my online friend in-person cos she was in-town /vvvpos

Finally…… I'll be like those scrubs who know what it's like to have your own room…… your own privacy…… Your own space, to decorate and to cherish and to accommodate you and only you and to be alone without hearing your brother scream at his video games well past three in the morning and be forced to listen to your drunk mother force you into conversation when you're trying to sleep…… among other not-as-mostly-mundane, more actually abusive things.

I'm genuinely so excited. I've gone my entire life NEVER knowing what privacy was like. I have NEVER had my own room before, not even at hotels, not even at friends' houses, not even on vacation or in psychiatric wards. I'm finally going to have my own space. I'm so tired of my family condescendingly telling me how they eavesdrop on my conversations and make fun of me for private things I tell my friends that I didn't want them knowing, or having to sit there as they barge into my conversations and talk over my friends and force me to include them in discussions that were personal to me.

I'm going to get to pace somewhere where I won't be told to shut up, or passive-aggressively told to "take a breath" as I'm infodumping, or angrily told to go somewhere else where there was no where else, or listen to someone play an audio recording of their co-worker ranting about how I never shut up and to shut up because they trashtalked me to their co-worker and they sent them that audio recording to play when I'm too loud (yes, that was something that happened).

I'm gonna get to have my own space that will stay clean because I won't have a brother to trash the room, and I won't be forced to clean the entire room while the other two sit there and do nothing because "I don't care, you're being selfish" when I only want to clean my side of the room and want my brother to be responsible for the mess he made. It will be clean, cold, and styled just how I want it to be styled. I can have somewhere to escape my family after having had zero escape my entire life.

Zero escape from condescending remarks, zero escape from being called many profanities and told I was "the bane of my mother's existence for years" when I was in third grade, zero escape from being left no food as my uncle-in-law bought delicious food for his side of the family and cheap bootlegs and sensory-nightmare microwave food that my brother would devour within half a week anyway as I went days at a time without food, reliant on begging my friends to order me something to eat with practically nothing to give back, zero escape from my mother drinking two boxes of alcohol in a day and drunkenly insulting me and going on long rants why I'm the cause of all her problems and how I ruined hers and my brother's life, zero escape from when that alcohol and her abuse of her prescription medicine would cause her to have medical episodes and I had to be the one to call emergency services on her and supervise her, with her either being completely ungrateful or only briefly grateful before going back to how she always was, the rest of my family snapping at me and berating me for "enabling her addictions", zero escape from a horribly trained dog that would loudly bark countless times in an hour and growl and chase after me while being screamed at to shut up by the same people who taught him to act this way, zero escape from CPS who told me to be more grateful and to help around more and threatening me just how my mother would and failing me every time, zero escape from bug infestations that would crawl all over me as I slept and waking up to bites all over my body.

That's not even it.

That's not even half of it.

It's only my mother and brother now. I can live with that. They'll leave me alone.

I have my own room now. Half the family will be gone from my life.

Everything will get better now.

This is the brightest light I've seen in such a grim tunnel hued with eigengrau that I've been limping through for years.

What such cruel tricks whatever entity spun my frail life with, they're coming to an end. I just know it.

I'm happy.

Things will be better.

I finally made it this far, and I'm going to be rewarded for it.

I'm finally happy.

[scaryspears]

My rant on ITSV and ATSV

So I've just finished watching the ITSV and ATSV because I'm a late watcher, and when the movies came out I wasn't myself. I'm glad I took the time to watch them, although I had to buy ATSV online because it's no longer in the cinema. This means I got to watch my favourite scenes without issue. With that being said, I have a lot of things to get off my chest regarding both films, mostly with the characters. 

Warning: Long post and slight bashing of characters and terrible screenshots.

I don't want to be one of those people who hate Gwen just to hate on her, and I don't hate or dislike her character, but right from the jump her vibe was just off. She felt like one of those characters that disliked the main character for no reason despite barely interacting with her/him (them). I know that isn't the case but I didn't like the way she was blankly talking to him. I'm using the word 'blankly' because I can't think of another word other than 'coldly'.

During the chase scene where Miles and Peter steal the computer, she comes out of nowhere and helps save the day. I was glad but at the same time what the hell. Anyways, Miles compliments her haircut and she snaps with "You don't get to like my haircut.", referring to when he accidentally got his hand stuck to her hair and she had to get half her hair shaved off, I understand getting angry about that. It was an accident, and Miles could've apologised (I don't remember him saying sorry), but she's acting like he did it on purpose.

To top it all off she knew he was like her, which meant she knew what he was going through as he was transitioning. Getting taller, hearing multiple voices, hands sticky, and all that stuff. So that means she's aware that it was an accident, and there's also the fact that she pretended to be a student at his school and hovered around him. She bumped into him on purpose knowing he was a fellow spider.

When you think about it, why didn't she try to get to know him and investigate with him about what's going on? She just left him to discover his spider side chaotically. She should know how scary and confusing that is, but not once does she attempt helping him out. 

I'm gonna sweep it under the rug because they are teenagers, and even if they were adults they shouldn't be expected to be more sympathetic to each other. But you'd think she'd be a little bit more understanding. (Don't get me started on her going into his artwork and opening his collectable in ATSV)

Now, Uncle Aaron. I love his dynamic with Miles, the true cool uncle. His love for his generation of hip hop and us seeing Miles' taste of music. The graffiti art bonding, loved it. There were small hints that he was the Prowler. The 1610 Peter getting killed near where Miles and Aaron did the graffiti, Miles calling him while he's being chased by the Prowler, and the Prowler appearing in Aaron's home. I'm thinking "Where's Aaron in all this?" dun dun dun, he's the Prowler. I loved every bit of it. This also makes Miles different from other spider men, being the fact that his loved one ended up being an antagonist, and one scarier than Kingpin. There's no "With great power comes great responsibility." instead it's "In a bad person you can find good in them." Also, the inner torment that he was about to harm his own nephew is chef's kiss. Uncle Ben who?

Moving on to ATSV. It opens up with Gwen and her meeting Miguel and Jess. She looked at Jess and said "Will you adopt me?" Like??? Where yo mum at? I know she passed away, but still. You've only had one look at this woman and that's one of the things that comes out of your mouth? You don't know this woman! Jess sounds like one of those women that only talk with attitude no matter what so I had a hard time rocking with her, like what is her problem??? And she's fighting while pregnant... smdh.

Spot. Funny villain, I liked his banter with Miles, but he's a pu**y punk bi**h. He's blaming Miles for what he became, when he's the one that decided to become a mad scientist and work with other mad scientists under Kingpin. I'm pretty sure there's more to it than a bagel. Lesson is: once you become a mad scientist something happens to you. Norman Osborn became Green Goblin, 65 Peter (Gwen's home) became a monster and died, Shang Tsung got Rick Rolled by himself, you get the idea. Spot made himself like that not Miles.

So Gwen didn't talk to Miles for a really long time because of the whole Spider society thing. When you think about it, none of the other spiders he met did, and I get that they couldn't with the exclusion of Peni. But not one visit? Not one letter? Something??? Now Miles has a little short conversation with Hobie and admits that he only wants to get into the Spider society to talk to his friends and help out with defeating Spot. He just wants to hang with his friends, but Peni and Gwen decided not to do that.

Moving on, I'd like to talk about Miles' walk through within the spider society. They acknowledge Gwen and only Gwen, they don't bother saying hi or even looking at Miles. It was like Miles wasn't even there. Never thought I'd say it, but these Spider men are arse holes. I also got annoyed at the way Jess was talking to him, I get that he's not supposed to be there but she needed to chill.

This anger went when Miles bumped into Margo, and she looked like she was about to lose her cool but she lightened up once she saw who it was, a complete stranger. I'm not a MargoMiles shipper, but I don't mind it (granted so long as they are the same age).

So the scene that goes 0 to 100 quick: I watched a bunch of memes and edits that painted Miguel as racist and I didn't understand why, and thought it was like a Millie Bobby Brown situation. Re-watching the scene where Miles meets Miguel I can see why.

All the other spidermen showed up to gang up on Miles.

"You can't ask me not to save my father."

"I'm not asking."

And hit him with this.

While Miles is freaking out at the sudden imprisonment we can hear Miguel say "We just need to hold him a few days." They were treating Miles like a criminal and/or a confused wild animal. And then Miguel had the nerve to say "All he had to do was listen." when Miles escaped them. I don't think Miguel is racist, but the memes I will support.

Hobie was looking out for Miles as soon as he met him, and I love that so much. He knew Miles wasn't like the ones in the spider society, and made sure to tell Miles to be better. Gwen didn't do that. She did, but she didn't if you know what I mean. She followed along with the crap Miguel was spitting.

And then there was the chase scene. Bro had a bunch of spider men chase Miles and not one of them could catch him. That is the biggest L I've ever seen. One 15 year old boy, and he didn't use his other 2 powers until after Miguel slammed him onto his back. Miles was not playing. Also, Miguel was endangering the lives of people who were driving. And yes, Miguel's at fault and not Miles.

They gave Miles crap just because he didn't want his dad to die, unlike Miguel who actively replaced the life of his other self. Gwen was really going to let her dad die, and Peter B tried to justify it by saying their uncle's death made them who they are. Pavitr was just supposed to get over his love interest's dad dying? They knowingly let that happen.

Miguel calling Miles an anomaly is mega projecting. Miles becoming Spiderman wasn't on purpose it just happened, and that's always how the story goes. No one is simply meant to be Spiderman, they just become him/her. It's also funny coming from a man who crawled on all fours chasing down a teenager.

42 Miles. Prowler Miles. Gonzales. Kilo Immorales. I love him already, can't wait to see the next film where we'll see him in full action. I love how we as a fandom collectively agreed that these two would have a sibling dynamic even though we've only seen 42 Miles for like a minute. I love the Boondocks comparisons as well. I need 42 Miles to hate everyone. I need Miles to be full of rage in the 3rd film Adult Gon style. Prepare for double and make it double.

In conclusion, I should've watched these films when they first came out, they are so great. The art, the incorporation of hip hop and correctness of Afro related backgrounds and the storyline. I honestly felt like Miles was a great representation of the new generation. I saw myself in him, and not just being black but the graffiti and finding out that a family member of yours isn't really a good person. I don't do graffiti or art but I do find them beautiful whenever I see them. Also, the Air Forces. Step aside Peter Parker, we have a Spider man with more drip.

[hyperactivetransdrone]

Blog Intro

So after looking through several peoples profiles I noticed that introductory posts were pretty common (at least for nsfw sooo here we gooooo)

I'm adding this later on 8/18/24: If (majority) your content is s**sy and your DMing me to try to dominate me, Don't. While I don't mind people who do that/are into that being called that feels like a sexualization of my identity and ergo 1: I hate 2: is disgusting to me, I don't mind if you Identify as one or if you DO just wanna CASUALLY chat but please know that I won't and will never want that or say that word (with the exception of blocking tags involving it or here as a boundary) but if i need to it will be censored. I don't mind if you Identify as one and wanna follow me or anything or just wanna casually chat (or talk sexual just not... making me one to try to explain) feel free to I will NEVER kink shame regardless of how I feel so this won't apply to most people just a very very teeny tiny minority. I won't block you tho unless you cross a boundary or keep pushing, because I feel anyone who wants to read my content should be allowed.

I would also like to say, if you're going to delete your account please don't dm me, it breaks my heart every time

Hello I do not wish to give out my actual name online so you may call me Mz. Hyde (I stole it from the song by the same name by Halestorm) or just... my user-name-tag-thing (always forget what its called)

Outside of this post any posts in blue is rping as a slime-girl-queen-goddess-character. Feel free to send asks or responses directed at her. Her title is Queen of Slimes, The Slime Goddess, or The Slime of the Lake

As of posting this I am still brand new to Tumblr but am learning somewhat quickly sooo things may look A Little odd right now to the average Tumblr user but as soon as I finish learning the basics it should look fine.

Anyway:

18 so 18+ only please, (pre-hrt) Transfem, Bisexual, Autisic+ADHD, overall anxious/shy-ish, probably a switch, Lefty, Type 1 Diabetic (I require insulin to survive), Virgin [:(]

Majority of this blog will be kinky thoughts usually about being dommed or hypno because... I wanna try it. SOME is fantasy tho so keep that in mind (usually my reblogs)

If you are a dom looking for money, unless you are popular and have a good community on here or if you are a s**sy tamer (or whatever it would be called) please don't DM me, unless you just wanna casually chat and don't wanna dom me or if you do please respect:

I really don't like being called an s**sy and will give you one warning before I block you.

I literally have no way to pay you so please don't expect that.

Please read this first, or if I ask you to because otherwise that gives me a red flag in my head and I will probably block you. (Unless it's just casual talking but that's different than what I'm talking about here)

My proof that I take this seriously:

Kinks because that seems to be an important factor on making these types of posts/blogs: Transformation, Hypnosis, Dronification, Denial/Edging, Latex, Brainwashing, Bimbofication, Twinning, Dollification, Forniphilia, Exhibition

Things I enjoy but aren't kinks: Forced Fem, Praise, Good Girl (I'll add more when I think of them)

Limits or things that I will block you about: Human Waste, Blood, Physical Harm, IRL Identity Death (Fantasy is hot AF tho), Sissy (WILL BLOCK YOU), Findom (Unless we're in a romantic relationship), (and a few more I can't remember off the top of my head)

The reason for physical harm being a limit is mostly due to personal problems I've had with S.H. and because of that I hate reading S.H. or other stories or fantasies with physical harm or knifes. Fantasy Violence is ok though. (E.G. Pirates or like a battle between two warrior framed in a Fictional light.) Oh and also no needles. BIG fear of needles, for multiple reasons. Will go in depth if asked.

Finally a few final things about me/general questions:

This is my first Tumblr account that is SPECIFICALLY for NSFW things although I will occasionally post more SFW things but I do love music, video games, card/board games, RPGs/TTRPGs, creative writing, art.

What's your Favorite Color?: I don't have one but my fav combo is Hot Pink and Deep Purple, pretty much if you've ever seen those BIC octagonal see-through pens, those shades of pink and purple specifically

What kinda music do you like?: Power Metal, Rock, some Pop

What video games do you play?: Some Pokemon, Batman: Arkham, Smash Ultimate, Fallout, I can't really get online games yet so unfortunately I cannot play with anyone :'(

Is there anything specific you like about your kinks?: Honestly, in a vacuum I like dronification for productivity because I SUCK at doing anything productive.

The people who have sent questions about Gaza Support (i am broke but here are links to them i am just going to put their profiles for the sake of simplicity and nc some links i cant copy paste):

@ehabayyad23

@freepaleatine95

@mahmoudayyad

@esraayyad14

@ezzaldeens-blog

@foggyruinspost

@ahmed4palestine

@sspsworld

@fidaa-family2

@wafaaresh6

@mahmoudswierh2

@generousvioonanuttieyl

@nishverian

@ahmedalnabeeh11

@shinytastemakerphantom

@nohabed

@ahmaad860

@scentedtyrantmusic

@mahrahpalestine

@d-imtthal

@ayoosh-gaza

@kareem-family2

@save-fatma-gaza3093

@yazan-joud2

Tags to find non-reposts easier (Umm i ran out of colors so these will be bold):

#Random Thoughts, #Edging kink (for post horny thoughts), #Hornyposting (for horny thoughts), #Hydes eepy thoughts (for thoughts i have when sleep deprived), #Hydes Ideas (cool ideas i have), #Hydes Hypno Scripts (for Hypnotic Scripts I make), #Hydes QnA (QnA), #Hydes Depressed Thoughts (Thoughts I have when depressed), #Hydes Kinky Thoughts (thoughts I have that are just generally kinky but it's not hornyposting nor... I forgot what I was going to put here), #Hydes Hypno Scripts (My hypnosis scripts), #Slimeposting (Slime Queen RP posts)

If I get any FAQ I'll either add them here or to a FAQ post.

I now have a sideblog for latex things that look perfect. That is an opinion and just a kink the person they are under the latex is, in my opinion, someone different so anything there that I call 'perfect' is just in terms of kinkiness NOT a reflection of the actual person. The blog is: @trans2latexperfection

If you read this far thank you for reading!!! :3

Blocked Users (i dont normally block people so these people are scammers or assholes, also will not be using @ s either here):

mistress-elizabethh - for calling me a s**sy twice, even after claiming to read pinned

[silviakundera]

DRAMA REC: So I feel like any real review of Thai drama Moonlight Chicken is hard without heavy spoilers because honestly I don't know how to talk about what makes me passionate about it without discussing all the character relevations that occur over the course of its 8 episodes. I'll try to be generic as much as I can.

The thing about why it's hard to discuss without spoilers is that the characters and their full baggage are revealed slowly episode by episode, because like in real life you often learn about new friends & love interests slowly as intimacy deepens...

But from what I can see online, it's very subjective for viewers - depends on the person if they find these themes and personal challenges compelling or not. This doesn't fit with the typical "BL asian drama" format.

My personal viewing stake: There's an otp that has TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN. I have been searching for this energy ever since finishing Lighter & Princess. Gotta confess that I couldn't care less about the second couple who are teenagers. Apparently MDL and a lot of tumblr only liked the teen couple (valid!), but I just skipped over them mostly because when my brain locks in on Real Adults with Adult Problems I often cease to connect to high school student storylines. But the age gap couple with a 39 year old character who is FEELING his age... Jim & Wen. I've watched all 8 episodes now and they are like cocaine to me.

Ep 1 setup: We're not in Bangkok! (gasp) Jim is almost-40 and runs a late night diner in the less upscale part of town. Wen, about 10 years younger, is drunk at his diner as he's trying to close for the night. They pick up on the unspoken signals, instant electric connection, and end up wandering back to Jim's place and having what looks like fantastic sex together (without exchanging names).

But then after that first night, in the remaining 7 ep of the show you get a slowburn build up from zero as Jim doesn't want a relationship - with anyone. This is truly, sincerely a 'it's not you, it's me" situation. He is mired in baggage and the angst is SO DELICIOUS to me. Angst and soft hand touches and late night conversation. There's YEARNING. SO MUCH YEARNING.

And then my darling Wen! Who brings almost the same energy as the Lighter and Princess FL. @dangermousie I never thought I'd see this irrepressible determination and tender, good humored patience again! He is deeply sure that there is something special here with Jim and is unrelenting about trying to scale Jim's walls. I know that sounds like psychotic SML material lmao but it's all about the tone and context. It's very clear that Jim is allowing Wen in his life and doesn't, deep down, want Wen to give up on him. He's damaged and scared but I always felt he wants Wen to be right - that they are falling in love and can build something real together. He just can't make himself take that step. I mean, in their 2nd meeting he is EQUALLY INSANE to agree that it's v normal and hinged behavior to let his 1 night stand start randomly showing up to work shifts at his diner as 'temp staff' he can't afford to pay because... um. Basically to stalk him? idk I don't think it's stalking when u have a mutual agreement?? 🤔

Wen falling deeper into Jim and KNOWING the feeling is mutual no matter how many times he's (so gently!) pushed back... can be sooooo personal. 😭😭😭 The vibes of this "we're Not Together™" but it's inevitable, I'm just waiting for the timing to be right... reminiscent of the last 10 episodes of Lighter & Princess. This building intimacy and tenderness that stretches on until as a viewer you feel like... They ARE in love, they're together but just without the sex. They just have to stabilize their lives first before committing whole-heartedly. THE BITTERSWEET PINGING. (screams)

One thing I've observed is many people seem to struggle to connect with Jim's character. The closest thing we have to a protagonist (?) Maybe. Anyway, I suspect it might be a generational thing. I found the drama incredibly compelling, but I grew up queer in the 80s and 90s. I'm well into my 40s, a bit older than Jim, but I think the generational queer experience overlaps pretty well considering the sociopolitical differences btw us/thailand.

The screenwriter is an older out gay man, so I presume that's also a factor in how he did a pitch-perfect depiction of Jim's struggles to find home.

Wen has his own baggage that feels very real and raw. I loved his storyline because I could personally relate to it also from my queer relationship experience.

I've blabbered on here before about how I feel like there's something different about queer stories being told to other queers, not targeted to straight viewers primarily - I'm not saying it's better than the big brands and popular international media including lgbt rep. It's just different imo and I do think it's valuable. I want to see stories about the complexities of the experience & about the gay community that can't just be mapped to straight people. Where the story would not feel the same if you flipped the sexualities. That's what Midnight Chicken was to me: the characters of Jim and Wen and their personal development & slow love story together felt very queer and the age gap was a relevant part of this. And that called to me. I could recognize parts of myself in them and my personal experiences as a gay woman.

I was impressed by the writing. Strong acting. The directing of individual scenes is excellent BUT the 1 big flaw is the editing. Very amateur, super abrupt scene changes! Just jarring. But whatever, I've seen some terrible editing in cdramas too. Also note the storytelling tactic is to show a series of meaningful moments & interactions over like 6-8 months of time. Events progress in ways we don't always see and it's not always spelled out to the audience, everything that happened since we last saw them. That may or may not work for the viewer.

[Plus there's a very sweet & wholesome teen love story that also gets a happy ending, if you're into that. One of the teens is deaf and there's no "cure the disability" nonsense, don't worry. I was adult-focused but I did appreciate the complicated family relationship subplot with Jim trying to caretake his nephew and their relationship to the mostly-absent sister.]

ok so now into spoiler territory. Letting the relevations come out organically would be a much better viewing experience BUT...

SPOILERS ON JIM & WEN BACKSTORY

Jim's whole deal is he had a big love in his late 20s-early 30s that fucked him up good. He grew up being told gay love isn't real, leaves his rural farming town with his sister in their teens, disconnected from his family... But even his sister, who loves him, had the perspective that it's Just A Phase. Jim expects to Prove Them Wrong. Then his boyfriend cheats on him.... With a woman. Activate that generation's internalized homophobia and self-doubt. And then before he gets to truly confront his partner, his partner dies in an accident. So he never gets resolution.

And he's stuck under a mountain of debt, on the edge of poverty because he didn't get any of the guy's assets when he died of course. No rights under Thai law. Partner's family takes it all but the old car & the cat. All he has is the small chicken rice shop they had bought and ran together and it's killing him, he both hates and loves it. He's this amazing member of the local community but doesn't see himself and his own worth clearly.

Wen is working through the guilt of falling out of love from his 1st gay relationship that lasted 5 years of his 20s. Broken up but still living together. Trying to stay in each other's lives (I've seen this a lot, because in small gay communities you don't just cut ties with good people you care about). But living together is toxic for both of them, despite the real care that's there.

He also feels disconnected from a community at the start. He has work collegues, all straight friends, and his now-ex boyfriend. But you get the subtle sense that his local ties are all with the boyfriend Alan's family and mutual friends with Alan who don't all know about the breakup yet and he doesn't know how to interface with them anymore now that he and Alan aren't the same. He's the one who fell out of love, so he's "the bad guy" here and the straight friend he tries to talk to about trying to co-habititate with his ex and stay close friends doesn't really get it, because that's just way more typical behavior for older generation queers - it's notable that when the situation is fully explained to Jim, he doesn't seem to find it bizarre at all (as said, I've gone through that myself, and known friends in that situation; found that subplot to be very well done.) (I read that many viewers were disappointed this wasn't a standard infidelity situation where Wen is just regular cheating on Alan, but I have to say that I feel the opposite. The subplot and how it played out felt very relatable to me. I didn't need a cheating angst plotline in this drama that could be transplanted into a straight drama. I wanted more stories that represented my lived experience as an adult lesbian, and Wen's narrative gave me that.)

Wen keeps searching for a home even while living with Alan and having loved him in the past. Which to me was a sign that he'd moved to this smaller city, living in Alan's condo and in Alan's life with Alan's extended family... He started eating beef because Alan did and following along. He doesn't know where HE feels at home, what Wen needs to be comfortable and happy. When he more & more starts to believe he can make this home with Jim, he's determined to make it happen.