#and i want to live a life im proud of. i want to die like Hopkins. saying im so happy. i loved my life

[nyxi-pixie]

me when im supposed to be studying but instead im thinking abt mori and dazai again

let me go absolutely insane for a second (not a second. this is so long. i just checked mfer its over 2000 words. i need to be sedated. imprisoned. restrained. examined. smthn)

'a young man with a death wish once came to me and i wanted to rescue him but i couldnt' and like yeah. beast mori couldnt rescue him. but to a certain extent, canon mori sort of has (touch wood for long term but as it is, dazai is so much less intent on dying than he was in dark era).

and it just. i always wonder about the actual intentions of the mimic situation. because on the surface, it looks like what dazai calls it, then deeper than that, it looks like a very calculated long term strategy, and deeper than that, its just. kinda sad.

i just think its interesting that he plans the mimic thing the way he does knowing dazai will leave despite the fact that he doesnt want him to. and dazai himself reasons this as mori being afraid of him, that mori doesnt want dazai to kill him the way mori killed the old boss. but thats? not true? mori seems unbothered at worst and downright proud at best when he tells oda that dazai will probably kill him one day.

so. Why. did he do it knowing dazai would leave? it wasnt his only option; he could have set skk on mimic. like 5 second future vision isnt gonna do much when the danger is alr there (as oda says). and in the face of a massive black hole coming right at u or a building being dropped on you, five seconds really isnt gonna do much. so mimic cld have been removed without a casualty and the mafia could still have got the permit, and not lost dazai. (who is Objectively an asset to the organisation.) But thats not how it happens. Mori plans it exactly as he does knowing oda will die and dazai will leave. he also then makes it continually obvious that dazai would be welcomed back.

and ive been trying to think of other reasons for it, but across canon and insight from beast mori the only thing i can think of comes back to the fact that mori wants dazai alive. alive and aware that the pm is the best place for him, but alive more than anything else.

i think he wants dazai as his heir bc he knows dazai is enough like him to manage it, but i wonder if it also comes back to the fact that mori is trying to rescue him, and i imagine his own reason to live (and lord knows he suggests he needs a strong one in fifteen) is probably tied down to legacy and responsibility for the city. mori devotes his life to the mafia because he wants peace and appreciates that control (rather than eradication) of the worst of yokohama is the way to keep that peace. and thats enough of a reason to live for him. but it isnt for dazai.

dazai doesnt give a fuck about the mafia as a concept bc his motivations dont rest on ideals the way moris do. dazai only ever does anything because of the people he cares about. everything we see him do, EVEN in pm era where people claim he was some emotionless rockman, come back to his friends.

its why hes never at the centre of the plot. he cant be, because he never does anything for himself. fifteen, in which he is a titular character, is a plot that rests vastly on chuuyas back story. dazais original motivation prior to meeting him is just to khs, and only upon meeting chuuya and them having their whole weird Thing and dazai deciding to be an obsessive freak, does he actually have personal stakes in the job. then in stormbringer, its all abt chuuya again, and dazai is only involved bc he cares about him (whatever he actually says aside). tdipud is driven by odas storyline, and so is dark era. dazai is only active in them bc he cares abt oda.

even when he has more idealistic motivations come canon era, they come back to the fact that hes doing it for oda. anything Above And Beyond that promise is bc hes acting to save the agency, who are his Friends. his motivations are deeply personal in complete contrast to moris, and it is perhaps the only place they really differ.

now ironically, it seems to be that the only decisions mori makes influenced by personal feelings are because of dazai. which takes me to the fact that i think he let dazai leave because he recognises thats whats best for him (at least in the short term - and we'll get to That in a second). and its not really a loss for the organisation because dazais too practical to ever dismiss the mafia, and he still gut responds with their methods. so its an easy sacrifice, a justifiable one.

then theres the contrast with the kouyou&kyouka thing. kouyou doesnt want kyouka to taste the light only to have it sour on her tongue when she realises she cant actually have it because of what she is. because kouyou believes anyone tainted by darkness the way they are can never be free of it. (because she couldnt get out herself).

i wouldnt be surprised if mori thinks the same way, certainly in regards to someone like dazai who Is naturally built for the mafia in a way kyouka really isnt. mori at least believes dazais blood is mafia black and whether or not this is true is irrelevant. he Does have to actively fight his impulses in order to do the Right Thing even now. And even doing that, he still falls into their methods when its practical, or when he's paranoid or unsettled enough to need the comfort of habit, hence the way he treats aku even four years removed from the mafia. hence the way he treats atsushi immediately after Q appears (the way he so instantly latches onto his older self literally slapping the self pity he detests in himself and in his former kouhai out of his current one). hence the way the parallels to mori spring up most when dazai has just been shaken by something.

so i wonder if mori let dazai walk into the light knowing (or believing) he wouldnt fit there, and would come back with a stronger commitment to the mafia as a whole because it may be a concept of sorts, but its one that embraces him in a way the light doesnt, and while dazai does things for the people He cares about, its a mutual thing - he feels responsibility for the people that care about Him too (which probably ties in to the desire for a quiet suicide without bothering anyone, and also to the disgust he has w the sheep - because it Isnt a mutual exchange there).

i think it was always intended as a temporary thing (five years away from the mafia maybe. the 'five years' right before dazai comes to take moris place). give him a taste of the light and let him come to his own conclusion that he doesnt belong there, and eventually turn back to the mafia where he does belong.

(despite suggestions that dazai Doesnt really belong there - smthn smthn cat/dog symbolism - though people suggest this implies he belongs w the ada and i dont think thats true either esp given the way hes omitted from the group so often. i think the cat symbolism w dazai likens him more to natsume than atsushi&fukuzawa esp given the way theyre shown tgthr so often. dazai doesnt belong to any organisation or rigid group, he just fits in line w whoever he cares abt and wherever he decides hes content to stay. v much like a cat actually.).

anyway, moris idea seems to be that dazai wld realise the mafia is somewhere he is cared for, and he cares for the people within it in return. though it doesnt seem to have really turned out that way (maybe mori j underestimated the power of the ada's one specialty: forced integration into its found family. lmao)

so you could see it from a practical perspective: mori sending dazai out to show him he really belongs w the mafia and shld come back to them when the time is right, thus mori secures his legacy by leaving the pm to dazai and the mafia is led forward by someone who could handle it the way mori has.

but. hes never pushy abt dazai coming back. hes downright polite abt it (contrasting to the way he treats yosano), and he puts an awful lot of effort into saving dazais life. (kinda funny that he sends chuuya to pick dazais ass up every five seconds with no reward for either of them - chuuya post dead apple literally asks and moris just like ? uh the safety of the city?? bragging rights😁👍? - but when he sends chuuya to save the agency as a whole the price is Heavy like. exchange of a member is crazyyy.)

dazai is always very much considered One Of Their Own. his seat is still empty waiting for him to come back, he and mori post guild are Always cooperating (despite the kinda petty way dazai talks to him during the reunion - the whole 'i burnt the coat' thing - its almost childish, spiteful in a way that speaks to personal hurt that undermines any control he might have had of their kind of distant passive aggressive exchange. but. im too insane abt that interaction that my interpretation cld be entirely bs.)

they communicate through this ridiculous game of chess, and rely on each other to keep both their organisations afloat. when anyone else from the ada tries to pull the same thing, mori pulls out contracts for their damn souls but when its dazai hes just like ? oh ur bf needs to save you again? of course i can spare him to go pick you up from european prison yeah not a problem! ill even glue his vampire cosplay teeth in!!

in connection with that, even with dazais commitment to Doing The Right Thing, he does not do it in the right way. hes perfectly content to use mori-typical underhanded methods to get the ada to the right place. he sends aku To His Death Knowingly for the sake of saving atsushi and by extension the rest of the agency (and he may have known that the vampirism wld sorta bring him back?? but he still sends him to die), and its sorta similar to mori sending aku out to deal with hawthorne and mitchell while hes in rlly bad shape.

anyway dazais methods always make me think of that cunty exchange sskk have in dead apple 'thats not the way we do things in the detective agency' 'was that a bad joke😘 ur too much weretiger🌈✨💖'. but like. dazai Doesnt work the way the ada does. at least not when things get tense enough to drive him back to habit.

i think people like to interpret dazai as being a better person now, and i think in some ways he is. because hes always influenced by the people hes around most. but also, his motivations havent really changed from pm era. he still does what he does for his friends, they just happen to be on the right side now.

anyway. mori puts more work into keeping dazai alive than any other character (bar perhaps chuuya - but thats because mori saving dazai runs hand in hand with chuuya doing it given hes the one sending him) which is. aurgh.

mori and the wish to save people is just interesting in general. the fact that he became a doctor in the first place is telling on its own plus the unhinged way he deals with yosano - of course someone obsessed with saving people would want a cheat card for sending Death packing - but maybe i could believe it was just a power thing, more to his sense of control. playing with life and death so that he can play god. and i think that probably is just a little bit part of it, esp during the war.

but theres also the way he treats doctors within the pm (sb calls it respect for his former position but it may also be knowledge that the better treated they are the more people they will save). And the only reason he works w the tripartite agreement is bc he loves yokohama, wants its people, including its underground, alive and all that (honestly it probably links back to war stuff - hes really intent on peace).

so hes already someone that is intent on saving people (and beast mori makes this obvious w the way he treats atsushi) but theres a personal edge to it w dazai, possibly bc dazai is so much like him, and asgr is kind of obsessed w the saving your mirrors bc you cldnt save yourself thing (atsushi. lucy. chuuya with his clone. beast akutagawa siblings. beast atsushi&kyouka. i could continue).

im frothing at the mouth but basically, mori does everything for practical reasons in line with his ideals, his grand vision for the PM, but that doesnt mean he isnt making any emotionally charged decisions. its just that theyre always justified by their practical outcomes. (Especially where dazai is concerned). so he can pretend that theyre not driven by personal feelings but IM WATCHING U MORI U CANT HIDE FROM ME.

yk i sometimes wonder if i see him too sympathetically for a guy thats as so sucks as he is but someone has to counterbalance the 75% of the fandom that thinks hes pure evil for no reason and has no thoughts outside of Being Terrible so. here you go have this from the depths of my brain.

[soldier-poet-king]

You're telling me not even one good movie kiss?

[myfirstandlast]

going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly

[dbssh]

my take on starscream and windblade is i genuinely think their dynamic by the end of the series rocks. when starscream is incredibly fond of her and respexts her and sees her as not only an incredibly capable leader but a fundementally good and better person. and windblade is like 😬 starscream? well shes dead now so we never ever have to unpack all that. so uh. lets move on.

[xinsanitysxedgex]

xbloodiedxkneesx asked: Truth or dare with the girls & honey & someone dares Zima to kiss Gummy? yes pls. *grab hands*

"Hmmmmnnhh~~... GOOMIE."

Zima's heart dropped as that nasally voice of what Rosa called a FRIEND announced her target. GULP. "W-What?" She looked around, panicked, from Gummy to Istina to Rosa, hoping one of 'em, ANY OF 'EM, would step in here. She had little faith in Leto or Beehunter who were ALREADY cheering on with that annoying af schoolgirl "Oooooh~~..." bullshit. "Why should Gummy hafta kiss me? It's my dare, shouldn't we do dares SOLO?" She was just clutching at straws at this point. She'd do anything. But things with Lada had been TOO ON EDGE ever since that night. Not helped by the girl's jokes of WHIPPING HER.

Sigh from Elena, judgmental and indignant. "Really...? THIS is what you guys have become? I don't know why I ever expect better from you all..." Meanwhile, Jinx just watched on in anticipation, smiling big and bright, revelling in the chaos. Honestly, she just wanted the night ot go this way in case SOMEONE wanted to get a little revenge and make her kiss Rosa next~... (She'd been duhrinking, too~~ WHAT A HEIST!!) Of course, first they had to somehow get this whole thing past Rozzi. But what the Hell was a mercenary s'posed ta do? Who cared if she was meant to be ranked ABOVE THEM, as an INSTRUCTOR? She was still just a hired hand. (Weren't they all hired hands? SHUT IT, YOU STUPID ROCKET LAUNCHER.) And, at least for now, she was merely observing from across the room, sipping on her own wine glass.

Zima licked her lips, heart racing, was the lick out of ANXIETY or ANTICIPATION? She'd never kissed ANYONE before. Jeez, she was fucking PETRIFIED, could Terran just open up and swallow her WHOLE? "Tell 'em, Gummy. Tell 'em it's not fair. Can't I do a, umm... A whatsitcalled." DAMMIT. THINK. BRAIN. THINK. "A punishment thing? Like y'all make me eat hot sauce or some shit, I dunno... I just... I don't think this is--" EYES WIDEN EDas Jinx called her a PUSSY. "I'm not! It's got nothing to do with that! Unlike SOME PEOPLE, we take our first kisses VERY seriously." BLUSH. Had she just admitted that out loud? Okay. Fingers crossed her dreams come to life and she dies tonight.

[dhampir-dyke]

vent, suicide ment in tags. I'm safe rn I'm just in a bad mental place rn because of a conversation with my parents.

[tenko-thinks]

Upper moons and an s/o with large breasts

Cw: a reader with some huge honkers. I'm talking a real pair of badonkers. Some HUGE habagah-- anyways, suggestive , mentions of lactation?¿ I'm projecting my back hurts

Ft. Douma Akaza and Gyutaro

Requests are open i encourage them, im not that creative

♡ ------ ♡

Douma

Douma is one person I see that values breasts on a feminine partner. They imply fertility, after all.

And that implies youth. Beauty. Which is quite attractive not only to the part of you that he desires to devour. But also to the part of him that is a.. Man.

His hands are almost always trailing down to your breasts. Resting on the softness there.

He only becomes handsier over time, bolder and pretty uncaring of boundaries. Or public opinion. He has a right to squeeze, he feels.

When he's bored he enjoys them in an almost cat like fashion. Lifting them and releasing them to watch the jiggle of soft flesh.

Absolutely the worst to sleep with though you'll be in bed and a hand with find your tit under your clothing and it's like Antarctica. He thinks your reactions are to die for. So he's going to keep doing it of course.

There's a part of him that wants to delve deeper on the idea of your fertility. Watch your breasts swell. He wonders if your milk would be like drinking your blood? Just as devine?

Also you're twinsies with fat tits congrats

Akaza

Akaza does not strike me as someone who cares about the body of his partner so long as they're healthy.

However he cannot deny his base attraction to. The simpler things in life. If you're well endowed. Well, it only means more of you to love.

And love you he does. He's not great at showing gentle affection but words of affirmation are natural to him.

If you're insecure of your chest? He's there to soothe you.

If you're proud of them and love showing them off? Free hype man.

#1 malewife no matter the form his s/o takes i will die on this hill.

Pull a "my tits feel heavy" and ask him to hold them. It'll be funny i promise.

Gets very flustered around you in the nude however. Pointedly NOT looking at your chest. Save him.

Gyutaro

Living in yoshiwara, Gyutaro has seen numerous women. Most of which bearing a few extra pounds on their chest.

He hardly even knew smaller boobs existed . Sure he knew they Did but big was average to him. So I can definitely see him being more of a tits guy just by nature of his environment.

He's an asshole though , bless his heart. Very much the type to just like. Lightly swat at your boob when you annoy him or catch him off guard.

Laughs if your chest is sensitive, and he will abuse that knowledge. Going out of his way to find situations to tease about it.

He however also knows the downsides of having them as well. Considering he's a brother to a sister in a similar predicament as you. Back pain or whatever.

So to make up for his unrelenting teasing, Gyutaro will often just hold you. Or help you crack your back. On a good day he might give you a shoulder rub if you ask nicely. He will call you a loser or pathetic ♡

He often has Daki bringing you warm compresses or bags of rice to rest on your lower back. When she doesn't cry about it, she's actually surprisingly understanding about the whole situation. Not that she'd say that through her pride.

[tinyidle]

feel much better - jyh

based on, not only coachella, but the aftermath where he poured his heart out on toktoq (🥹). im doing this on a whim from the amount of thoughts that have been going through my head. could have been a network submission but im lazy rn. tagging @strayteezsimp before i forget. wc: 1.9 k

warning: smut, slight angst + fluff, nick-naming (love, big boy, baby, miss), tons of kissing everywhere, teasing (grinding, praise, slight degradation if yousquint), morning sex (fellatio, riding [cowgirl]), unprotected sex ofc be careful irl, implied aftercare at the end, aftermath chellateez!yunho, sub!yunho ft.servicesub(?)yunho, tall!reader yes im catering you girlies for once, fem reader (girlfriend), dom!reader (mainly soft), all fiction ofc

it was the morning, and you woke up to yunho saying 'have a good night, tinys' before ending the live and switching off his phone, sniffling. you were instantly worried, thinking someone hurt his feelings.

"yun, are you okay?" you asked, hand reaching out to wipe his cold cheek stained from his previous tears.

making sure to compose himself for you, he wiped the rest of his stray tears before turning around to answering you. "yeah, im fine."

you weren't having it. "yunho, don't lie to me. your eyes are red, and you're breathing heavy. what happened?"

the man couldn't hold it in anymore as he let the dam break. you immediately went to his aid, cupping his face as you sat up some more from your previous lying position, letting his face rest on your chest as he broke down. "i was telling the live how grateful i was for being in the position im in, especially when i thought many times of giving up."

"shh, it's okay, baby." you coo at him, caressing his head as his cries slowly but surely die down. you did your best to turn his face to yours, wiping away the last of his tears before leaning down to give him a loving kiss. he reciprocated it back, love beaming all over his eyes, fully reflecting your own. "yuyu, listen to me. you made it because you didn't give up. friends family, and fans have supported you and the boys. i loved and supported you since. be proud of yourself, okay?"

the man fully relaxed in your arms now, nodding and smiling when you mentioned how you helped change his life for the better. "okay, thank you, love."

you smiled back before giving him another loving peck on the lips. "besides," you started with a slight smirk," you looked sexy on stage earlier."

yunho's eyes widened as his ears tinged red. "really?"

"of course, baby," you confirmed, moving your hand from stroking his cheek to massaging his scalp, occasionally scratching it the exact way he likes. "it was all over the internet. they wanted to know who my big boy was."

"yeah?" yunho looked up at you with a shy smile. his demeanor was contrary to the sensation that was traveling rapidly to his length. he never means to be this horny this fast, but whenever you give him praise about his visual appearance, he can't help but get at least a bit excited.

"yeah," you reassured, giving his forehead a peck. of course you knew that he was getting hot and bothered from you mentioning the compliments strangers gave him online.

you never minded, though, since you knew that he was only hard because you made it known to him that you agreed with what everyone else was saying. and only you are able to see him in all his visual glory.

trailing a hand from his raven locs to his chest, carefully palming over it as to not scare him by going too far too soon, you asked the question that honestly needed no answer from you: "can i help you feel much better, yun?"

the man almost got lost in your almost fiery touches. it was only in his hair and on his clothed chest, but he was feeling needy for you. with a small clearing of the throat, along with a nod, he gave you the go-ahead, "please, miss."

you grinned before delicately resting yunho's head on a pillow while straddling his lap. you held on to his face above him, adoration all over you before leaning down to show your appreciation through your lips on his. yunho happily kissed back, soon after wrapping his long arms around your torso. unfortunately for you and him, the kiss had to end, with you giving him one last peck on the nose before trailing your kisses down to his jaw.

you gently sucked him there on the right side of it, making the man whimper out. "miss.. m- feels good," he praised you as his arms were now weakly holding on to you, hips grinding onto your pretty still ones. you chuckled at him already crumbling but decided not to tease him any further and simply get to where he needed you most.

wiggling down to his knees, you held onto yunho's waist bands of his shorts and boxers. you looked up at him for permission, and you were met with a small, 'please'. as you pulled his confinement down, yunho's length displayed itself: long, thick, girthy, and veiny-- as if he was edged for hours. it's only been half an hour.

"aww, look at my big boy's needy cock," you cooed at him, holding on to it with great care as yunho shifted from having himself get touched by you for the first time this week. you giggled as you heard your boyfriend whine and lightly buck his hips up, slapping his thigh for being impatient. he huffed a bit, but lay back down as you gently pushed him down.

your legs were hanging off the bed, but you didn't want to be kneeling on the edge of the bed, so you decided to arch your back high as your knees reached your chest while leaning down to your boyfriend's length. the view in yunho's was magnificent: your shorts-covered ass was unintentionally up in the air for him to see, along with your beautiful face close to where he needs relieving the most.

all thoughts about how you looked in front of him went away as you pressed chaste and gentle kiss after kiss to his hard shaft. with every smooch you complimented him. "your dancing captivates many," smooch! "you have the most elegant body known to man," smooch! "despite your caretaking persona, you are a softie, my baby boy," smooch! smooch! smooch! "i love you so so much, yuyu."

yunho constantly said thank you after every line of praise, only moaning loud as your kisses became very sloppy, to the point that you had his tip in your mouth. preparing yourself, you sucked on him deeper and deeper, until there was less than one inch left of him to see that wasn't in your mouth. you shifted yourself a bit to get rid of any potential numbness in your thighs, which only aided to the look of your ass swinging side-to-side for him.

he was close. "mommy, im about to cum! please, let me cum," yunho begged, hips being uncontrollable as the last bit of him was now unconsciously forced in your throat. helping him reach that high, you cup and massaged his balls nearly the same way you do to his scalp. "nngh~" he whined, gasping as his cum caught in your throat when he finally orgasmed. you happily took in every drop, making sure to lick his slit clean of anything else.

however, you weren't done yet. "m-miss?" yunho slightly panicked as he saw you get off him and strip down to nothing. you then tugged on his shirt, to which he took off with slight confusion. sure, it was currently hot in the room, but why not turn on a fan?

you once again straddled your boyfriend, this time on his pelvis, and grinded on him like before. yunho groaned as he felt your wet center reach the base of his re-hardening length. "i want you to make you feel much better in me, and then i would like you to make me cum. does that sound okay, baby?" you suggested as you made a puddle on your boyfriend's lap.

yunho was close to crashing again, but once he heard your proposal, he quickly bobbed his head up and down, saying, "whatever you, want, love."

smiling, you lift yourself up and hold yunho's length to your aching cunt. slowly getting down, you feel his head piercing through your hole. despite the dull to semi-fiery burn, you kept going down until you sat completely down on your boyfriend's length. after getting yourself together, you looked at yunho to see how he was doing.

"how's my, mmh, baby doing down there?" he was fucked out, to say the least. his mouth was unironically open, his breathing was shallow and his length was repeatedly pulsing inside of you. meanwhile he was feeling you squeeze him in the best way possible, your thighs heating up his own as they almost meshed together with the heat of you both.

it took him a while before he could reply to your inquiry, "feels very good, mommy. you're so tight-- draining me."

"oh really?" you smirked. you knew that staying in this position would torture both him and you, but you did want to have some quick fun with him. kneeling above him with him still inside of you, you swung your hips down on him, slamming yourself down. you held in a shriek as you unintentionally reached deep inside of you.

yunho, however, hiccupped with a high-pitched squeal from the impact, tugging onto the sheets next to him as he watched you. you soon enough found a rhythm that would help your legs not burn, while your boyfriend's face was burning from the amount of passion you put into every one of your slams on his length. after a while of you bouncing, you went all the way down and squeezed yourself on him the best way you could. hearing the man whine and groan, you whispered in his ear, "cum for me, baby boy."

and he did. you continued to lightly bounce on his still-hard length as he came inside of you. you stilled as you felt the last of his fluids enter you. gasping and whimpering, he held onto your hips now, very ready to have you fall apart on him. "please, miss," he pleaded, eyes now glossy from you still squeezing around his length as you grinded on his length, "please let me fuck you. wanna make mommy cum."

if not for you wanting to release, you would have teased the living daylights out of him. instead, you rested your head onto the crook of yunho's neck, kissing the area behind his ear before whispering, "make mommy cum, baby boy."

gripping the area between your hips and ass, yunho found wat little strength he had left in him to hoist his lower self up, knees bent as your feet almost touched his. you were only a few centimeters shorter than him, but it sometimes felt a bit off to be doing positions like this unless it's initiated. yunho, being desperate to get you off yet too tired to fuck you any other way, thrusted himself up into you repeatedly, causing you to actually shriek this time.

"fuck, yunho. fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" you cried out on his neck. he was directly hitting your sweet spot with quick succession this way, causing you to try and squeeze him with every thrust in you can. yunho was falling apart just as quick as you were.

with one final thrust, you orgasmed, repeatedly praising yunho with how well he could use his endowment. he was also cumming once more, a very sobby cry as he continuously thanked you. "mommy's the best, i love your pussy so much-".

thankfully today was a rest day, so all that you two could do is clean up, cuddle each other, and possibly have a round 3 in the evening.

literally listened to 'carnival' by ys (kanye west and ty dolla $ign) while making this, which has the famous line she ride the dick like [a] carnival. kind of fitting if you ask me

[respiteresponse]

genuinely though that video healed me like i already loved and trusted him a lot but he put effort into that video, and he was objectively fair and thorough about a lot of it. theres gonna be people twisting truths into lies no matter what but i am pretty proud to be a fan of a guy with so much willingness to be kind in the face of adversity and unjust hate, a guy willing to apologize, own up, and change while making a conscious effort to make a difference and improve the lives of those around him far and wide. i really do believe in change and growth because ive seen and experienced it in my own life ! ! ! ! ! ! someone who made transphobic comments at the age of 15 in the mid 2010s can be love their trans sibling with all their being by 2023. people who held racist views at a young age can grow, apologize, and work to make amends for the way they were brought up. people who i knew previously would raise their eyebrow at anyone unlike them can become an activist and an advocate. PEOPLE CHANGE AND GROW ! ! ! you will never be who you were when you were 14, 18, 20 etc if you dont want to be lol. it makes me sad to think of all the people who assume because they grew up with free range access to the internet and carrds think that because my brother couldnt understand me being a lesbian as a 15 year old he will forever be the worst person to ever walk the earth and deserves to die for his lesbophobia when NOW ! ! ! he drives me an hour away and home just to see my gf because i asked . sorry this got really long im so passionate lol.

[extra-somethin-somethin]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

[kxisuke]

How would the bsd men feel if we smack their ass like:

Dazai would lose one more reason left to continue life

He would attempt to get you back

And fail

Miserably

You swore you could hear him behind you

PLEASE CONTINUE THIS ITS MIDNIGHT AND I LOOK SCKRUNKLY

OMG IM CRYING ANON THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA

✧ BSD MEN WHEN YOU SMACK THEIR ASS

✧ p. dazai osamu, chuuya nakahara, ranpo edogawa, kunikida doppo

✧ tw. none (just ass smacking as a joke), some language

— a/n. this was honestly the best thing i could have woken up to this morning. thank you for making me smile, anon!!

-> DAZAI OSAMU

like you mentioned, he would just crumple to the ground in humiliation and lose every fiber of his will to live

he immediately starts plotting his revenge

i mean, he HAS to get you back there's no other option in his mind

he tries... many times

and fails.

he never actually ends up catching you, but you occasionally find him trying to sneak up on you

-> CHUUYA NAKAHARA

the scream that came out of chuuya's mouth will never compare to anything else you've heard in your life

you literally need to run for your life, cause he will chase you around, yelling profanities at you

he catches you after at least 15 minutes of hide-and-seek, and tackles you to the ground

this man is ENRAGED

though he does have to admit, hearing you laugh like this is making him quite happy

BUT he still has to get you back

he helps you up, and makes it seem like he's over it, before landing the hardest slap he can manage onto your ass, and it makes you almost fall over

he chuckles to himself as he walks away, and you swear to get him back one day.

-> RANPO EDOGAWA

lets out the cutest yelp and you die inside just a little bit

fr cries actual tears

this causes you to feel bad, so you walk back over to him (you had attempted to run away, thinking that he’d chase after you)

you begin to console him, furiously apologizing and showering his face with kisses

you didn’t expect his tears to miraculously dry up and disappear, and for him to quite literally pull a wrestling move on you so you’re trapped under his body

“bet you weren’t expecting this, y/n~”

gets you right back, and you lay on the ground in defeat as he walks away, humming to himself (clearly proud of his victory)

-> KUNIKIDA DOPPO

the way he stiffened when you smacked him right on the ass-

you swear you can hear Dazai howling with laughter somewhere in the background

he turns around and looks at you with such a confused gaze, unsure if he wants to believe what you just did

thinks he’s actually dreaming, so he pinches himself

of course he’s not dreaming, so he turns around, looks at you again, before grabbing his notebook and chasing after you, fully prepared to beat your head in for what you just did

he never actually catches you though, and you can still sometimes hear him muttering to himself about how dumb you are

(you know he still loves you tho)

[spiderpussinc]

who you mind sharing some spiderdads headcanons you have, or do "the explain your otp in 5 minutes" meme? no pressure though! i love your art and fic too

im soooooo bad at this kind of question bc i kinda love thinking about a bunch of different/concurrent options like. you know how every fic is its own universe and you watch the same steps happen with little alterations so the same guys fall in love 101 times that's my brain... HOWEVER I've been thinking a LOT about ITSV Peter/Miguel lately --

Either comic-canon based settings where he's the usual single hero in his natural habitat OR directly /before/ ITSV itself; divorced midlife crisis spider-man who's always struggling to make rent is SUCH a good spot for Peter's stakes, and it sucks how people just want to make him rich or magically the avengers solve all his problems to basically erase what makes him compelling. I think its a good choice the spidey movies do -- to make it all a lot more ground-level, without outside interference -- so he has to make the tiny decisions.

Miguel getting stranded in the past!! HOW COME THERE'S SO LITTLE STUFF ABOUT MIGUEL AND PETER MEETING IN THE PAST? Doesn't need to be ATSV plotline compliant. A macguffin gets him there, or sends him to Peter's universe, come on! The important part is having them on a ground level sandbox.

THE REAL FUN STUFF: The cheesiest stupidest meetcutes you could ever imagine. Endless possibility. Spitballing: Peter/Miguel being unaware of each other's identities and renting the same apartment because neither of them has the funds to fly solo. Peter being suddenly spooked by the appearance of a brand new edgy spider-man in the vicinity. After all these years. Miguel not knowing how much he can say because Peter's sort of convinced this is a villain ploy of some sort to fuck up his public persona.

REAL-LIFE, both of them are suspicious about the other as a Weird Fidgety Roommate type. Neither can complain much because, again, it's rent on NY. You mind or business. or not.

Maybe Alchemax doesn't even exist in this universe, tipping Miguel off that this is an alternate timeline and he's really on his own. Maybe the ruling company here is Roxxon or Future labs or whatever; there's a lot of those in comics. He kind of HAS to eventually come clean about being universe-displaced to this world's Spider-man -- Peter begrudgingly accepting that there's a second spider-guy around on the condition that Miguel isn't gonna do anything catastrophic while he's here to completely blow up Peter's image, or give J.J. Jameson fodder to attack him.

Maybe they start working together. Maybe it's a casual partnerships thing where they happen to be tracking the same shady incident and decide to wrap it up as a duo; maybe they just agree to patrol the neighborhood together on busy weeks since they just.. suspiciously... seem to be around at the same place... at the same time... overly concerned abt the same shit....

Miguel has a superhuman investment in Not Letting This World Turn into a Future Dystopic Hellhole; Peter just kind of wants to live and solve problems as they come by but these two motivations really synergize. Peter doesn't even need to ask why, just damn okay dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Respect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!1!

Secret Identity investigations. Secret Identity mishaps. Secret Identity fumbles. Lyla accidentally busting out that Peter Parker is Spider-man via advanced facebook voice recognition fuckery. (LOL) Hell, maybe in THIS Miguel's version of 2099 it was already revealed Peter is spider-man, after he died. How'd he die? Maybe it was a bad end. How does Miguel feel about that? About meeting with a ghost? Endless possibility.

EVEN MORE FUN STUFF: both of these guys are *SO* intensely defined by a lack of support system around their secret identities. WALLOWING in guilt. Spider-man always seems to ruin their lives, in the worst ways. They're too proud to let normal people intervene, or the ppl themselves deeply resent the fact Spider-man exists. It's fun to think of a reversal scenario where Peter/Miguel have each other's backs, can help the other dress wounds, can show up in a pinch to prevent disaster from occurring with some supervillain 10 blocks away while Peter is trying to land a new job interview as a highschool teacher or science columnist. IDK It doesn't have to be constant uphill battle to get someone else to understand why they do what they do and what the stakes are; they're the same kind of crazy.

And okay, maybe you don't want the spidersonas falling in love before their real identities do..... still VERY ripe options around for Miguel sneaking home with a limp or a really fucked up arm and his healing factor isn't nearly as good as Spider-man Prime's, so Peter is like 'WHAT the FUCK happened to you?' And even though he can tell Miguel is lying. He is not going to bust him out for it. Because he's been lying for 20+ years. Instead, Peter just takes it upon himself to teach him how to get his shit fixed. Temporary armslings and icepacks and sprays and current-time medication that is different to what Miguel is used to in the future; friendly neighborhood Peter Parker who minds his business and will not ask you if you're secretly Daredevil for Reasons but that will, however, tell you to stop blocking attacks with your fucking head. He learned this lesson earlier than most superheroes.

(The reverse scenario is still sweet! Peter's taciturn roommate who wears sunglasses indoors and is weirdly secretive about everything seeing him come home with a busted out eye and hes like damn. Do you want to split a pizza or whatever. You look like shit)

Miguel is not actually as experienced as Peter! He /could/ use the tips!!! Peter has been Spider-man ever since he was 15 years old. Miguel became Spider-man due to a freak accident at MAXIMUM 4ish years ago. Probably less. Figuring out how to do it not alone would be genuinely a good experience for him.

Miguel moe x1000 as the future man who kinda doesn't get the weird counterintuitive way things work present-time 💔 flipside; Miguel seeing the beginnings of bad future patterns like musk trying to buy twitter and deciding to take matters into his own hands. sorry this is just hilarious to me. Even if he's not beating these guys up its still awesome to imagine him as an insane ranting tech essayist who goes on hour-long takedowns of NFTs on youtube or being like GOD WE NEED VACCINES TO BE COOL AGAIN FUCKKKK

Among all of this though, I think one of the most appealing aspects of having them as an unit is that they don't have to lone-wolf shit anymore. (and they Have been lonewolfing it for SO long.) Feels good feels organic

I could go on but I need to actually write and I just... think they can be so entertaining. We don't have to be so dependent on the movie here pulling from regular superhero shenanigans Really works. They sort of complete each other. Immediate productive boost on both of their morales. Get Peter/Miguel pilled with me rn

[uwurakax]

ー　死神　♡

halloweenie vibes ig, and im probs not even gonna get one fic out for it ( lmaoo whats new ), so just for spoop, enjoy a smol sakusa drabble, bc i felt like being nice to him :')

(( trigger warning for wanting to unalive, but its not bad, prkmise ))

thinking about grim reaper!sakusa who always watches over you;

you both met centuries ago. where? he can't say. how? he doesn't know. why? he forgot those details long ago. he doesn't even remember his life anymore. what he did, his friends or even his family. but he feels a phantom pain when he thinks about them.. family. he thinks maybe he was close to someone once.. its only natural right? at least before he met you.

he does recall one thing however; you died.

he does relive that, and that pain is real. so vividly he remembers praying, crying out to whatever deity or higher power that may be out there to listen. to not take you away from him. how you never had enough time, and that you were taken too soon.

it was the first time he had cried.

he wouldn't, no, couldn't live without you. the haze and cacophony leading up to his final days as a man, as a human, are not a time sakusa likes to reflect back on. barely existing and the shell of the proud man he once was, he just wanted to be with you.

it was peaceful that day the day he decided to take his own life. it was warm, with the sun shining vibrantly and the gentle breeze to offer a soothing kiss on his skin. it was like you were waiting... happy to be reunited.

he never felt the chill of the ocean below, tripping off of the cliff he was determined to jump from and hitting his head. a show of mercy in the hell he had to endure from being parted from you. painless and quick.

sakusa felt weightless when he awoke. was he still alive?

no, he came to find that he was indeed successful. a voice surrounding him that was everywhere and nowhere at all all but confirmed his passing. it also confirmed it had heard his desperate cries and prayers over you. the voice didn't know why, but it was willing to answer sakusa.

it had the power to bring you back, but it would come at a price.

the higher power would grant you life, but sakusa would be cursed to be undead. a leader of lost souls for the unfortunate.. or perhaps fortunate? to guide them into the afterlife.

it didn't matter what he had to do, as long as you got to live. he all but readily accepted, unknowingly cursing you too.

for life, and existence has a balance. if sakusa was cursed with being eternally dead, then you'd be cursed with eternal life.

but one couldn't live forever of course, humans don't live forever. so the universe found a workaround.

you would live and die, again and again and again. forever reincarnating, just to live and having to die; and all sakusa could do was watch.

as he led more and more souls to find everlasting tranquility, he had to watch yours being forced away from him into a new life that would soon become you.

he was confused the first time it happened, watching your reincarnated first life be born and grow. how you became who you were when you were with him. he was content like this, watching you from beyond. as long as you got to live your life.

you married and had kids in that first life, and he couldn't help but wonder if that could've been you and him. how would life have gone for him if you weren't taken away?

he learned early on what exactly he subjected himself and inadvertently, you to.

no matter how many centuries ago it had been, it still never made it easier, and sakusa had soon come to grow cold and disdainful of the world. of everything, and with noway to undo it, he had to withstand it.

be forced to watch the love of his life live without him, and knowing he was the cause of her never being able to reunite with any of her loved ones.

sometimes you'd die young, too young that sakusa couldn't even beat to glance at your soul. other times you'd live a full and long life. he wished every life you had would be like that, and if he had to pull strings to speed up someones passing for hurting you? he was more than happy to oblige. scum didn't need to live, and he was more than happy to send them to the realm now coined as hell.

he didn't know why he kept up with this self torture, tormenting himself to being so close and yet so far from you. at least he never had to forget your face or your voice; the one constant that never changed.

and so he stood, across the road from the coffee shop you liked to frequent, watching as you lived your life; or at least this one. he could practically smell the pumpkin spice. the seasonal drink that became your favourite autumn beverage two lives ago.

you feel someone staring at you as you thank the barista for your drink, the warm takeaway cup heating up your hands. so you look outside the large pane windows, but nothing seems out of the ordinary.

through your entire life you've felt a presence around you, watching you. you couldn't explain it, but it always felt familiar. familiar and safe. like a guardian angel. as ridiculous as it sounded, you always felt like nothing bad could ever happen, but you couldn't help the sad sigh that spilled from your lips. you really wished you could know who was constantly watching over you.

sakusa didn't mean to come as close as he did, at least not while you were awake. he knew his very being emitted a bitter and crisp air. humans could sense death, even if they couldn't see it. a lost soul wandering the busy streets. sakusa lost his empathy long ago, for it died along with you, but he held is tongue and the urge to roll his eyes at the floating mass. it stopped at the corner of the coffee shop, and he made his way over quickly. practically teleporting, going through cars and people, sending shivers through them as he passed. he didn't care. the sooner he could deal and send the soul into the afterlife, the sooner he could be with you.

he hastily guided them, showing them the welcoming light as it faded away. he never saw it, but even he could feel the blinding affable glow when he led them there.

he was ready to go back across until he heard the recognisable sound of tires screeching. please don't let it be you!

a scene he knew all too well was occurring. it didn't matter how many times he saw it, a heartache felt only hundreds of times. it didn't stop him from trying. even if he tried countless times before, knowing the end result would be the same. sakusa would always try, for you, even knowing it was pointless.

so imagine his shock when he can feel you underneath him, a carnage of vehicles behind him and you looking up at him, actually seeing him whispering

"it's you"

[galaxywarp]

Here’s my working theory about what happened to me.

I was mostly stagnant for most of last year. A lot of bad stuff happened to me at once. Grandma died. Little dog died. I lost my job. I moved. And I was trying the whole time to stay clean, with my brain slowly healing for months from the longterm effects of me abusing it with meth and heroin.

But those drugs were also keeping me numb from everything I needed to process, emotionally. And now I didn’t have them. And for like 8 months I just sat and I ROTTED.

I barely got up out of my bedroom. I went between sleeping for days to being awake for days just doing nothing. Feeling hardly anything. Not really talking to anyone. Not even myself.

And then I finally started trying to get better. And I rode the pink cloud for a bit. And the pink cloud is very real. It’s that happiness and confidence when you first start treatment and you feel good and like you can commit to all this positive change and you’re proud of your progress.

And then I started actually feeling some of these negative feelings I’ve been running from my whole life. And I didn’t have meth or heroin to help. And I became so depressed I nearly killed myself.

But I survived. And I’ve been living in fear honestly of crashing again. I’ve been scared to say im feeling better because I’ve been having bad feels days again and what if I end up wanting to die again. You know.

But. I’m starting to wonder if this is just me going through what I need to go through. Finally crying all these tears that I was burying for six years with drugs. And it sucks and I’m sad and im angry and i feel gross and it hurts.

But. Maybe the solution isn’t to turn those feelings off. But let myself feel them. And go through them.

And it fucking sucks. It sucks that I spend the last two days crying in my closet. But you know I also went for a drive today. I made myself dinner. And drank water. And attended my psychiatry appointment. And then went back to crying. But maybe I need to cry.

Maybe it’ll be different now that I know what to expect and I can figure out how to take care of myself through these hard feelings, instead of punishing myself for them

[fatuismooches]

IT IS ME, the muzzle anon, hello again

after almost 1 year in hospital, im starting uni this year finally :]

being sick really reminds you how nice it is to be healthy, so while I was thinking about dottore and fragile reader I just had thought that reader probably had days where they felt like they were dying as they were laying on their bed. They already have an unknown disease that makes them weak and then a sudden fatigue hits them one morning and they can't even open their eyes, can barely move their hands, their whole body trembling and such- I would be very dramatic when I am sick, literally crying and thinking, "Yep, this is the end."

so imagine going, "I think this is the day I die..." to Il Dottore, tHE DOCTOR.

Dottore just goes, "No. 🤨"

To be honest it probably isn't the end it just their body trying to fight the sickness but reader just immediately starts writing their last will and testament.

"For Boattore, I left my drawings, for Zandy, the plushies I have, for Clowntore, I-"

Then the next day reader is okay, and like, "😐"

(As okay as they can be at least)

So Dottore and the other segments are repeating everything reader said to tease them now.

(Yeah they love reader, yes they were worried, but now that they are okay they are allowed to make fun of them)

swoosh

have a nice day <3

MUZZLE ANON... i just want you to know the muzzling Dottore brain rot still lives in my head rent-free. And congratulations on starting uni! That's such a huge step and I wish you the best, I'm very proud of you and hope you'll do amazing ❤️

Mhm, fragile reader definitely had bad days like that. The pain can be so bad and all you can do is lay helpless, unable to do anything besides wait for it to pass. Even when it's not physical pain, sometimes you simply don't even have the motivation to get up. It's just... really bad sometimes and you can't even predict when it comes, so it just hits you out of nowhere. And every time, you can't help but stress out and worry about what will happen next. Will the pain pass over? How long will it stay? These relentless headaches, aches, and sores? When can you finally get back to normal and go about your life? It seems like an eternity from now, and you can't help but wonder what will happen until then...

The first time you say that he nearly drops the vial he's holding. Did he miscalculate your pain? Is it more grave than he thought? He's going through all his notes again and asking you a bunch of questions rapidly. Until he realizes you're just (mostly) joking and being extra paranoid. His response is always to not be so nonsensical as he sighs every time. You're not going to die while he's around, he says matter of factly. Writing your will is... sort of a morbid kind of amusement for you. Yeah, ignoring the fact that you're planning for your own death, it's kind of fun to decide which segment will receive a little piece of you. There's a section for each of them with a mini-essay. Ahem, just don't let little Zandy know about this because you don't want to deal with a crying child blubbering about how you're going to leave him. And YEAH i imagine fragile reader says some pretty funny and weird things when they're sleeping or half-conscious. Segments are definitely listening in and write down everything you say to bring up later 😭

[easybrainrot34]

Lil Random Bridgerton headcanons

These don’t really have a theme, hence, they r random lol. Modern Au (except Colins).

Characters : Eloise, Benedict, Anthony (w/ mentions of Daphne, Benedict, and Violet), Colin (w/ mentions of Anthony and Madame Delacroix ), Hyacinth and Kate together (w/ mentions of Daphne, Eloise, Violet, and Anthony)

Hope you enjoy 😊

Ps my ask and request are open :)

Eloise guilty pleasure is self help books. We all know that she is very independent, but something me tells she would rather pick up a self help book then ask for actual help. Of course she reads these im private, I think she would die of embarrassment if anyone found out. She just doesn’t like people to know when she’s “weak”.

Benedict would take cooking classes. Like he can cook but he knows he’s not a good cook. But I feel like once he meets you he secretly takes cooking classes and he’s very secretive about it. For a split second in the beginning, you were convinced that he might be cheating on you. Instead of letting it eat at you you go and talk to him and this is where he confesses. He’s would be so heartbroken to think that you would think he would do that, but he would also be understanding. Anyway, now both of you go and do little cooking classes and he finally made a good meal.

Anthony is insanely good at practical gift giving. Like if u mention that u found a set of pans that u want for ur kitchen, bam u got them for ur birthday. I feel like he gets Daphne or Benedict to spy / ask around when Xmas or birthdays come around so he can see what people want / need. Although I feel like he always gets Violet and you something sentimental.

Colin is a kind of man to meet up with the modiste to get a special dress made for you. Like idk y I see this, but he’s such a softy and a great gift giver like Anthony that he would head to Madame Delacroix himself. He would get the main things you love in your dresses but little accents of what he likes (certain beating, lace, etc.) He would surprise you before the next Bridgerton ball with it. He would also feel so proud and happy when u flaunt it to your friends.

I feel like one day Hyacinth would ask Kate for tea to ask her how she can become cool and strong like her. Like I feel like part of Hyacinth wants to be so much like the women in her life, but with Daphne living far away, Violet having a motherly filter, and just something tells me Eloise and her aren’t super close, she would go to Kate. Kate would feel very touched, and would tell her to be confident and strong, but also herself. I feel like this is where these two become close and Kate starts to take Hyacinth under her wing. Also Anthony just dies a little over this, like he is so touched. God I love Kate and Anthony so I had to put them together in this one.