#and i wish i could once take a 6 month vacation and go on the road there

[legallybrunettedotcom]

looking for America... I youtube link

[schemmentis]

La Cosa Nostra - Pt. 12

Cowritten w/ @janeyseymour

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11

Summary: Melissa's side business begins, and you begin to feel the heaviness of your situation.

WC: 2.3k

“Good morning, Tony.” Shaw greets the salon manager as he steps towards him and his partner. “Where's Y/N?”

Tony crosses his arms. “Takin’ a vacation.” He answers coldly. “You got more questions; you're gonna have to ask me.”

“Tony,” Danik sighs. “We've been through this before, haven't we? The first time we were here. You know how it works, how about you save us the time and call your boss down here?”

“My boss?” Tony echoes. After a moment he nods. “Yeah, sure. I'll call my boss for ya.”

The last time they were here, the agents had paced the front of the salon as they waited, eyeing everything they could in their search. Today, they stay in a corner, watching the few stylists and Tony at work. Danik is a moment away from asking Tony how long this is going to take when someone walks into the front from the back of the salon.

The man is tall. His dark hair slicked back on his head, shiny with the product used to keep it in place. He looks at ease, calm, as he approaches the agents. He flashes a smile when he nears, white teeth shown and his eyes crinkling at the edges with the motion. His hand is held out to Danik and Shaw individually.

“My apologies for keeping you waiting, Agents. I had to finish things up with my other business.”

“I'm sorry…” Shaw starts as he shakes the man's hand. “Who are you?”

The man chuckles, nodding. “Ah sí, sí, mi scusi. I forget myself this morning. Luca Bellino, at your service. I'm happy to answer any questions you have or walk you through the back again if you like.”

The agents share a look between each other.

“I think there's been some misunderstanding.” Danik says as she looks back to Luca. “We asked to speak with Y/N.”

Luca’s head tilts to the side, looking back at the confused looking agents, matching their expression. “Did you?” He asks as his brow furrows. “I was told you requested the owner.”

“Well, yes.” Shaw says, a bit slowly. “The owner. Y/N.”

“Ah, I see, I see.” Luca sighs in sudden understanding. “Please, come with me.” He requests, turning and leading the agents to the back office of the salon.

“You must not have been informed.” Luca says as he steps through the office, opening a drawer of the filing cabinet and pulling a yellow file folder from it before closing it once more.

He sets the file folder to the desk, facing the agents standing on the other side of the wood. Deft fingers open the folder, tapping the papers now visible. “You see?” Luca says, looking back up to Danik and Shaw. “I'm the owner now. The salon was signed over to me a few days ago.”

“Y/N sold the salon to you?” Danik asks as she's studying the forms in front of them.

“Sí.” Luca answers as his hands cross at the wrists to rest at his waist, his head nodding. “You've seen our books, no? The salon hasn't been as profitable in the last few months. Y/N tried to bring it out of the red but in the end it was safer to sell, especially with her little family to think about.”

“So, now you're going to try to bring the salon’s profits up?” Shaw asks.

Luca smiles, though this time it doesn't reach his eyes. “Do not tell the stylists, or Tony.” He says softer, leaning a bit forward. “I haven't had the chance to speak with them yet and I'd hate for them to learn from anyone other than me but I’m working out the details of shutting the salon down.” Luca sighs, looking for all the world like he wishes he had another choice. “It's just too much to turn around and the clients aren't coming in like they used to. It's the best thing we can do before it gets worse.”.

Danik raises a brow, but he relents. 

The two agents head out, but not before Luca calls out to them, “Whatever you have against the Schemmenti family, drop it. They had nothin’ to do with Bobby’s demise.”

Your day is uneventful. You have nothing to do now that the girls are at school, Melissa is at work, and the salon is out of your hands. You mill around the house, doing as much cleaning as you possibly can before you groan and fall face first onto the couch, bored out of your mind.

You lay there for a few moments before you finally sigh and grab your keys. You make your way out of the house and towards Twelve Tables.

Melissa would say she’s shocked to see you when you come in through the back- but she isn’t. She knows how hard this is for you to not be involved in any of your work right now, both salon and other wise.

“Hi, my love,” you sigh as you pick up a knife and start chopping the broccoli next to her.

“What’re you doing here?” She just briefly glances at you before going back to her own work.

“I think I’m dying of boredom,” you tell her. “I can’t remember the last time I had this much time off from everything.”

“Would you mind chopping this up then while I attend to other business?”

“Other business?” Val asks as she makes her way out of the walk-in fridge.

“I have things to do in the office,” Melissa says, just a bit too quickly. “Scheduling, finances… I think we may need to look into other companies to deliver.”

You raise a brow, as does the manager, but you nod. You know that what she’s actually doing is trying to clean up the area in order to run your other business alongside this one. If you’re going to execute this, and execute it well, everything has to be in it's own place. 

So, that’s what the redhead heads into the office to do.

“Melissa seems frazzled lately,” Valentina notes softly. “Is everything okay at home?”

You shrug. “I uh… had to sell the salon,” you lie through your teeth. “It hasn’t been making money, so… you know. She’s probably stressed over that.”

The woman hums, and for the rest of the time that you’re there until you have to pick up your girls you’re directed on what to chop, dice, slice, and grate.

Finally, you pop your head into the back. “Mel? I have to go pick up the girls. Are you coming with me?”

“Hmm?” Her eyes don’t even leave the new ledger that she’s creating. “I have to wait for the shipment to come in, so… I’ll be home for bedtime though.”

She isn’t. And your girls are beyond confused as to why the three of you can’t stop down at the restaurant for a quick hug and kiss from Mommy and why they can’t have coloring time with Valentina. You can’t tell them the real reason- you just explain that Melissa is busy.

“But Mommy is always busy, and we still always get to go there!” Rosie whines. 

“Not tonight, sweetheart.” You sigh. You know you still could, technically, take them down to the restaurant. Just long enough to say goodnight. Except you can feel your wife glaring at you from across town if you did. Or worse, picture her having to keep her attention away from your girls because she's so busy. 

It becomes a point of contention the rest of the night. Your girls both throw fits because they don't understand. Just getting them dinner fed has you stretched thin. By the time you're fighting with them about bath time you're feeling yourself begin to shake slightly. The girls’ attitudes and fits this evening aren't really what upsets you; it's just the last straw on top of everything else.

You just barely get them both towel dry from the bath when you tell them to pick out their pajamas. The one thing they don't argue with you on this evening as they get to choose their own clothes; one of their favorite things.

You kneel on the tile, letting the bath water out. One of the girl's towels still in your hand you lean to wipe up a small puddle. You toss the towel to the pile near the door to put in the laundry. You sigh, and instead of getting up you let yourself shift backward to sit on the bathroom floor with your back against the wall. 

You bury your face in your hands as you try to stop the sudden tears from overflowing. You just need a minute, you tell yourself. Just a minute you'll let it happen and then you'll pull yourself together. Except you can't. You force deep breaths but you can't stop the tears still rolling from your eyes down your cheeks. You lean your head against the wall as you hear little voices calling.

“Mam! Mam!” It's both Cat and Rosie, steadily getting closer. 

You really try to stop as you wipe your eyes. You don't want them to see you like this. Yet each swipe at your face just sees more tears filling your eyes. 

“Mam! Look at my slippies! I did them on myself!” Rosie exclaims as she shuffles into the doorway, looking at her feet. She's wearing your wife’s house slippers. Backwards.

“Mam!” Cat is saying beneath her sister speaking, appearing at her side at the same time. “I don't have slippies! It's not fair, Rosie has slippies!”

You go to look up, but you hate showing any signs of weakness in front of your girls, so your head stays down as you attempt to pull yourself up from the floor. You lean against the sink, hands tightly gripping the porcelain sink, knuckles growing about as white as the utility in front of you. You keep your back to them, not wanting them to see you as the mess that you are right now.

“Girls,” you sigh shakily. “Mam cannot right now. Get yourselves to bed, and I’ll be in to read your story to you in a few minutes.”

“But Mam!” Cat whines out. You hear her stomp her little foot against the cool bathroom tile, and you can practically see the way that her arms are crossed over her chest- a look that she absolutely picked up from your wife. “Rosie has slippies, and I want-”

Wiping away your tears, you turn around. “Caterina Ann.”

At seeing your face so distraught and aged, both of your twins’ faces drop. “Mam?” They both ask.

“Mam just needs a minute,” you sigh softly, hating the way that your voice breaks just slightly. “Please, girls.”

At that, both of your girls slink off. Your oldest walks off while your youngest shuffles her feet quietly. You half-expect to hear her giggles at the way she’s heading down the hall, but you don’t. Even at their young ages, Cat and Rosie understand that your crying in front of them is not okay- something isn’t right.

When you find it in you to pull yourself out of the bathroom, you head for their room. When you get there though, they aren’t in their beds like you expect them to be. In fact, their pillows and the stuffed animals they insist on sleeping with every night have vanished too. That only means one thing.

You appear in the doorway of your own room, and you see them curled up in your bed. Silently, you thank God you had let your wife talk you into splurging and getting a king-sized bed. It comes in handy for nights like this when both girls worm their way into your bed and Melissa will be getting home and sliding in too.

“Mam,” Rosie pats the spot in between her and her sister. “We leaved room for you.”

Despite the sadness that had inhabited your soul just a few seconds ago, you let a soft smile slip at the kindness and thoughtfulness of your girls. You may not be doing everything right in this world, but you are raising two wonderful, wonderful young ladies.

“Give me a few minutes to change and prepare for bed,” you sigh softly as you wipe new tears from your eyes. “And then I’ll be in.”

It’s about ten minutes later, once you’ve gotten into your sleep apparel and shed a few more tears without the girls’ knowledge, that you slip in between them. Cat hands you a book- your favorite book to read aloud to them. 

After their story, they both curl up into your sides and promptly fall asleep, tired from their crazy day in kindergarten.

And once they’re asleep? Your tears return. Silent sobs shake your body as you mourn the death of Bobby all over again, one that you never wanted in the first place- you had actually pleaded for them to not order the hit on the man. You bite your lip and let the tears flow over the fact that you’ve been taken off of the salon- that you have no idea what’s happening there now despite the fact that it’s only been a few days. You hate the fact that your wife is taking all of this on- that her restaurant is in danger now because you got the feds on your tail and don’t know how to shake them loose. Your heart breaks when you remember that Barbara is now in danger because she holds onto the ledger that determines your, and now your wife’s, fate, and she was still there for you in a moment of weakness at the church. It gets to a point where you’re just crying over it all, a hand clamped over your mouth as the sobs bubble up inside of you, and you have to muffle the noise or else you’ll wake your girls. You end up crying yourself to sleep, body exhausted with all of the emotions coursing through it like a river. You’re drowning- absolutely drowning in it all.

[https-harlow]

Airport Dad

Summary- Urban becomes an airport dad on a family vacation.

Word Count- 900

A/N- This was requested, so I hope you like it! :) Also not proof read. Also decided to make Kennedy 2 for this fic instead of a couple months old because it just made more sense in my head that way.

Something you didn’t expect from Urban when you had Kennedy was how much of an “airport dad” he became. He went from getting to the airport as late as he possibly could, to wanting to get to the airport hours earlier then you needed to. 

It wasn’t the first time Kennedy had been on a plane, at 2 years old she had been on a plane several times, but this was the first time you were taking a true vacation, just the 3 of you. You and Urban were finishing up some last-minute packing while Kennedy napped.

“So, I was thinking we should leave at 2 tomorrow.” Urban said.

“Doesn’t our flight leave at 6?” You asked and Urban nodded, walking up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Yeah, that gives us an hour to get there, and then 3 hours at the airport.” 

“Babe, we live 20 minutes from the airport, I don’t think we need to leave an hour early or have 3 hours at the airport if I’m honest.” You told him, making him sigh dramatically. 

“Fine, when should we leave?” 

“3?” You suggested, knowing that was the earliest you would get him to agree on. Urban nodded as you turned to face him.

“Fine, but if we miss our flight, I don’t want to hear it.” Urban teased. 

“We won’t miss our flight.” You told him, pressing a kiss to his lips softly. “You know, Jack probably wishes you were this punctual for all your flights.” You teased, knowing Urban was responsible for them missing more than a couple flights, but to be fair, so was Jack.

“Would you rather be late?” Urban asked and you shook your head. “Exactly.” He said, both of you laughing softly.

The next day, Urban made sure you were completely packed by noon, and brought your bags to the car by 1pm.

At 3pm you were putting Kennedy’s shoes on to leave.

“Urb, can you grab Kennedy’s snacks for the car please?” You asked.

“Already got it baby.” Urban told you as you finished putting Kennedy’s shoes on, standing up after helping her stand up. She ran over to Urban, holding her arms up to be picked up. Urban picked her up, holding her on his hip.

“Ready to go on an airplane?” He asked her.

“Plane! Plane!” Kennedy cheered, clapping her hands, Urban smiled, tickling her belly making her giggle.

“Let’s go then.” Urban looked over at you. “Ready to go?” He asked, looking down at his watch. “We were supposed to leave 2 minutes ago.”

“Babe, we’ll be fine I promise, but yes I am.” You told Urban, grabbing your purse while Urban carried Kennedy out to the car and put her in her car seat. 

There wasn’t any traffic on your way to the airport, like Urban had insisted there would be earlier in the day, so you got to the airport in 20 minutes like normal. Urban parked the car in one of the parking garages. As soon as he parked, he turned to you.

“You get Kennedy, I’ll get the bags.” He said and you nodded.

“Okay.” Both of you got out of the car, Urban getting the bags and you getting Kennedy out of her car seat like Urban had said. As you three made your way into the airport Kennedy “helped” Urban push the bags. As much as you offered to help, Urban insisted on doing it himself. 

Urban checked your bags and got your boarding passes while you held Kennedy so she couldn’t try to run away once she got bored.

You made your way through the security line, which wasn’t very long like Urban had also insisted it would be. Once you made your way through security you stopped at one of the stores the airport had for snacks and drinks before making your way to your gate and sitting down. Kennedy immediately pointing at all the planes that she could see.

“Our plane?” She asked.

“Not that one, our plane isn’t here yet.” Urban told her, as she pointed to another one, asking the same question until she made it through all the planes, and then started back at the first plane.

“You know what I realized today?” You asked Urban who looked over at you.

“What’s that?” He asked.

“That you are a total airport dad.” 

“I’m not that bad.” He defended himself.

“We still have an hour and a half until we board.” You reminded him, making him shrug.

“It’s better than being late.” He said.

“That’s what an airport dad would say.” You teased making Urban playfully roll his eyes. “But yes, your right.”

“Plus, there’s no one I’d rather sit at an airport with for an hour and a half.” Urban told you.

“Remember that in 20 minutes when Kennedy gets bored and starts climbing on you like you’re a jungle gym.” You joked, making Urban laugh.

After 20 minutes that’s exactly what happened, Kennedy got bored of looking at the planes, and started to climb on Urban like he was her personal jungle gym, not that he minded, he thought it was cute. After 30 minutes of that he was offering Kennedy his phone to play on though, something you tried to wait to do until you were on the plane.

“Okay, maybe next time we don’t have to be here so early.” Urban told you, making you jokingly roll your eyes.

“You’ve said that before, this time, I’m holding you to it.” You told Urban, making him laugh. 

“Okay. So maybe I am an airport dad.” Urban finally admitted.

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

[lucymultistan]

BTS Masterlist

All of my recommended fics

ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE CREATORS! I HAVE NOT WROTE ANY OF THESE, MY BLOG WILL BE TAGGED IN MY BIO

Key: !=Smut  #=Fluff  $=Angst

Full Fics: 

Little do you know     !#$

Summary: In a world where idols and actors can’t date, whether it be because of contracts, lack of time, or the dangers that involve having your personal life leaked, the market opened up for a new work field. Playmate Agencies emerged to supply the entertainment world with highly trained companions for hire. Bangtan is looking for new playmates. And you just happen to be the one all of them choose. 

Recrudecence       !#$

It’s nearly easy as breathing (for six of them, at least) for BTS to pretend to be just like everyone else - humans with big dreams and aspirations. But one person brings the façade crashing to the ground and for some reason, they just can’t let her go. 

Time                !#$

Summary: Time. It's always passing by, always changing things that you wish stayed the same. It brought the good and it brought the bad, hell it brought the down right best time in your life. The best thing in your life came with time. It came with some stumbled steps, tough spots...it came with time.

Unorthodox        !#

Summary: You meet BTS on vacation and everything is awesome!

Sh.                !#$

SERIES SUMMARY Six months of quarantine have kept you apart. Somehow the distance sparks something new in each of you: questions, unfinished conversations, threads once chased now left cold. So when your roommate invites you to come with him to a mysterious house in the mountains with your friends, how could you even think of saying no? 

Eidolons             !#$

Summary: To live in an old manor in the middle of nowhere filled with historical, cultist, and most probably cursed relics for a year is part of the will your mysterious grandaunt bestowed onto you. It's all good until the seven men arrive, looking for a place to stay. Or so you've been told. But these men aren't actually guests; they've been in your attic for a lot longer than you think, waiting to be freed. The longer you spent time with them, the more you feel like you know them. And they seem to know you like the back of their hands, too. When you find yourself falling in love with not one, but all of them, you'll soon realize that the the truth can be painful to swallow and they will learn that freedom comes at a cost.

Relax, it's our honeymoon        !#

You and BTS are in a poly relationship, and have recently gotten married. It’s time for your honeymoon!  

To Build a Home              !#$

Summary: With the government's hydrid sector hot on your tails (no pun intended), you have less than a year to solve the problem before they're legally allowed to take you in as a lab rat. What you didn't anticipate was the addition of 6 new members of yours and Jin's happy duo. Luckily you both had enough love for 6 others. 

The Households Bunny             !#$

Summary: You were a cam girl and OnlyFans creator all the while you were a senior in college. A series of events leads you to be living with seven men under the same roof of one renovated motel. Entering the life of rich, and touch starved, men as a less than rich, but similarly touch starved, woman is bound to hold some shenanigans

The Gentlemen                          !#$

Summary:Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.com’s very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim they’ll be able to rock your world, so don’t hesitate! Apply now!

Oh My Lucifer!                            !#$

Summary: In hopes of achieving a high mark in your final exam you're willing to give up anything, including your soul. However when your drunken joke of a ritual suddenly comes true, how do you even begin to explain your logic to the seven demon lords seated in front of you.

Void                !#$

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

One-shots/ drabbles:

Alpha goes first          !!!!

Summary: Each pack has its own set of traditions and standards and as the newest omega in bangtan’s pack- you have more than a few things to learn. things come to a head when the youngest alpha tries to breed you before your pack alpha does. Seokjin doesn’t like that one bit.

The Kings bride              !!!!!!

Untitled            !#

Summary: In which Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook see your true colors.

[watchtheblog]

all hands on d*ck

as always, hello to my 9 true real life friends, some of my 22 (instagram) “close friends”, my 40 internet besties, the handful of you i was able to lure over here with a LiNk iN BiO, the growing number of [redacted] who are unnervingly conspicuous with their surveillance, maybe some other weirdos and haters!, at least 2 of my exes, my therapist if i ask her to read this to understand me better, my daughter in 14-18 years, and anyone else who is here and can read this!!

as a preface to a list of extravagant treasures i wish to receive this holiday season, i am going to tell you a little story. if you don’t care and just want to buy me a gift or just want to use this to curate yours, scroll to the bottom. there are words and jokes down there too if you’re here for all of it!!! (if you need inspiration from years past, i’ve been making this list for 10 years.)

the only times i feel safe are when i am at home, or when i am 5000 miles away from it. anything in between causes absolute chaos within my emotional microbiome.

in america, i am a sentient eggshell and all external stimuli are hammers. outside of america, i am an invincible-cartoon-fireball capable of any and all things through the EU.

once a week i volunteer, and once a month i drive 40-90 miles in one of the four directions to buy a lotto ticket at a random authorized lotto retailer (surprisingly not sponsored), and that’s it.

when i’m home, i do the same thing every day -  i wake up, i go to cult (this is what i call meditation because i’ve been doing it consistently for a year and i have no idea why), i write down everything i’m grateful for*, and i read (a literal book) for 20 minutes before performing my morning ablutions and walking downstairs to drink poison (espresso) and sit in my office tip tapping my ipad for 6-8 hours. then i watch some of the worst television you can ever imagine until it’s time to go to sleep, at which point i do a cult bonus track - it’s called “three good things”, and it’s exactly as the name implies - eat two peppermint patties v slowly, and go to sleep with my television blasting and every light on.

~ (*ok sorry for being sincere for a moment but i need to genuinely recommend the gratitude journal practice because it changed my life. thank you for only engaging with this if it aligns positively with you and excluding it from your personal dossier of me if it doesn’t. anyway, i also love cult because it allows me 30 minutes of controlled focus on every thought i have ever had in my entire life without even a single moment of peace. my inner monologue is a thought-orgy and i am merely a captive and reluctant eavesdropper.) ~

when i’m on vacation, i am a different character from white lotus every day.

this year for my birthday, i chartered a yacht off the amalfi coast (cameron) and sat on it alone for 3 days (ethan). on the 4th day, danielle arrived and we confused the crew by being on vacation together in italy but not fucking. (daphne/harper)

on the 5th day, danielle found out i don’t like music (you’ll need this information later), and on the 6th day, God created man, and one of them asked us if we’d like a massage.

being of sound mind, my first thought was to question this person (employed as a deckhand) on his ability to massage.

he assured us both that he and his fellow deckhand could “of course” massage!

having seen every episode of every franchise of below deck i was wary but i trust men intrinsically (tanya) and i love nothing more than to be consensually touched (dominic) so i said great, we’ll take two! and we settled on “in ten minutes” for the time.

he returned moments later to lead us in a troubling talk on massage logistics - namely, where the massages would take place and on what apparatus.

you, like we, may be thinking: what about a massage table on the sun deck? and that’s a great thought. however, there were no massage tables, so our two deckhand-cum-massage therapists decided they’d conduct the massages they assured us they were equipped to conduct on twin beds in one of the downstairs bedrooms.

10 minutes later we arrived to a room large enough to accommodate two adults lying down, or a small child standing up but being v still:

danielle and i pretended this was not weird (mia/lucia), and as soon as our four adult bodies were within the same energy field we all signed a spiritual contract to never speak about this again! unfortunately danielle and i signed in watercolor and have spoken about it ad nauseam every day since.

one of the guys asked what music he should put on, but before he finished the question, danielle had interrupted him in an octave i’ve never heard her voice go to utter the words “MERCEDES DOESN’T LIKE MUSIC.” … effectively solidifying our fate to have the weirdest experience of our lives in deafening silence!

without leaving the room, they told us to lie down - which we did - and they each returned to our respective sides to *SIT ON THE BED* and massage us with this australian jerk off oil while our faces were mushed sideways into a twin bed for a staggering and completely arbitrary 101 minutes.

the only time ive ever had a massage this unmethodical is every time my boyfriend wants to have sex, and the only reason this one ended was because someone came in to chastise them for being *below deck* for so long… at which point they both got up and left without saying a word!!

anyway ~ that’s how i met your mother ~ (sorry i’ve taken this out and put it back in 8 times. it stays!)

danielle and i are two asexual freaks so this (our villain origin story) never registered to us as a potentially sexual thing, but it has to a lot of people we’ve told! … and to those people i say: interesting. please consider my trauma when selecting a gift from the below list to send to me 😈 thank you!

THE LIST (disclaimer: all i want for my birthday is for everyone i love to be healthy, happy, rich and divinely protected (so far so good tbh!!!!), and for you to donate to the boys and girls club if you have the means. this is merely a list of things i think would be funny or nice or silly to receive:)

the intangible: to pass a law abolishing all waters i don’t like - there are too many to name, but at the very least let’s start with dasani, aquafina, and nestle purelife, for someone to defund Revolve and redirect the money to fund research to corroborate my theory that people who wear clothes that say “spiritual gangster” lack a functioning frontal lobe and should not have rights, for everyone who doesn’t like me to continue doing that because that must be very taxing, for prison reform that allows “love after lockup” to expand it’s filming schedule, for mary kate and olivier to reconcile (please click that link if you’re new here), for jeff bezos to give me a little something in his will, to be paid for all the vacations i’m going to go on in the future and that they never involve a massage on a twin bed.

the ones you can buy: * these gorgeous little poison cups to elevate morning beverages content. also gorgeous!! these are interesting! * i’m looking to redo my whole personality in the vein of someone’s really religious auntie. it starts in the dining room, here. for more in the collection, may i direct you here. *a stunning throw: in pink!!! or this cheaper (v reasonably priced, tbh!) one, the blush pink not that crazy pink in the larger size! * this thing for my desk. i would accept this but don’t really like the branding. * a 5 night stay at this hotel (a suite or above)

* a black birkin with gold hardware in 25 or 35. no links, iykyk * this coat in grey or camel. xs! * buy danielle’s book. (this story is not in it, but better ones are) * this tray to eat chips and peppatties in bed. this will likely be sold out but here. * i don’t want these but definitely want to make you aware gucci are selling incense for one hundred dollars, and perhaps we should collectively look into deplatforming them.

* a pair of solid gold 3 inch hoops. i have no links :( * i’d like to speak to the medium who has a show on bravo, please. this is him. i do not want to be “read” on the tv show. i do not want tickets to see his live show. i want to speak to a dead person through this man. one on one. (you can come if you organize it.) * these slippers. size 8. * this bracelet and bonus if you have a platinum amex, you get $50 back or something for shopping at saks! love to pay it forward!! * this jug of perfume for a room! * this jug for water at varying temperatures. matte black.

* this art, this art, this art, this art, or this art. i’m going to buy this for myself but i love this artist, so i’m sharing. * this alluring bookend that is on sale (x2)! * i don’t need this but i like the way it looks and so i’m passing it on. it’s a weight but who exercises at home… so it’s a hat for your floor. * trying this again: for someone to create a “the floor is lava” set for my birthday where i can do “the floor is lava” SEPARATELY with each of my 9 friends - none of whom know each other, which is intentional and by design. * these shoes. size 8 * these earrings. i tried to buy these on black friday but then i forgot. i may just buy them myself. who knows!

* a real two hour massage * caviar * i like her bc i think we have the same body * these french almond praline sugar things from provence that i bought at duty free and i’ll never find again. and i went on this website and tried to email them to ask them to send them to me (it appears they cannot do that) and i really don’t want to get into it but i spent hours trying to secure them bc they’re that good so i guess this is not an item it’s just a pass on should you ever be in provence or at an airport in france. * a $24,000 tribute to the mascot for Word.

some passing it forward gifts (things i don’t need (because i own them most likely) but they are nice!!) * these cute, non threatening pajamas * my favorite luxe, somewhat threatening pajamas * the only sheets i allow on my bed and body are pratesi but danielle bought me monogrammed pillowcases (super, binx) from here and !!!! * i think i always recommend diptyque candles but we are also a cade (you have to ask for this, they don’t keep them out 😗) household now and newly a boysmells household. * skincare is kind of a lame gift bc everyone’s skin is so different but i have the most reactive skin in the world so i’d like to pass along three of the only things that don’t ruin my life: this (i’ve been using for 3 weeks) is soooo nice, as is this which i’ve been using on and off for a month but the price point was set by the us national debt clock or something. (their instagram clickbait lip balm thing is a waste of money and yes i wasted my money!) also i love this and have used since it launched :)

ok ty for reading come again bye!

[dokidokidejah]

OCTOBER 31

this morning i woke up at around 7:30 and started getting ready to go to town with althea and a pioneer sister named ai. for breakfast i had a yakult, skinned apples again, and of course another piece of fluffy toast with butter and trader joe's strawberry jam on it. ai picked us up at around 9 with her two kids, nia and kai. kai is 5 and nia is 7. kai is so shy, it's adorable!! he wouldn't even talk to us or look at us at first. we dropped him off at school, (their school starts at 10) and dropped nia off at her obachan's (grandma's). then we officially started our day in fukuoka! ai is amazing. she speaks perfect english and she's very excitable and giggly. she laughs so much, even at the littlest of things. it's adorable, and i wish i could take her home with me. i learned a lot from her. for example, all of the pioneers here get extra tiny kcars because it's easy to get into parking spots with them. at home it's the opposite. the pioneers always get larger cars in order to have more seating space available for carpooling. she also told us about her congregation. after the governing body sent out the letter saying congregations can meet together again, only ten people max were attending their hall for a whole 6 months! everyone else was meeting together on zoom. during their C.O. visit, the brother encouraged everyone to come in person, and ever since then the congregation has been all together. it's been very encouraging for them since then. we also talked about samurai guys and their long hair, specifically about atsushi sakurai!!!!! ai had never heard of him or buck tick before, but she started busting out laughing when i showed her pictures of him. she was cracking up and covering her face saying "oh my, you hope to find a guy like that in paradise? oh...." and patted me encouragingly on the shoulder. i think she thinks his hair is just too magnificent. after the 30 minute car ride, we finally reached a little town where ai said people from japan go for vacation. weeping willow trees grow as far as the eye can see!! (my favorite kind of tree!) there were bridges and little streams with boats that had pink lanterns hanging on them– very reminiscent of venice but with a unique japanese air. tons of obachans and ojichans were riding the boats. there was a special hotel there that was built during the feudal era, and it's very historical. from the outside, it's gorgeous. we walked the area, took pictures together, and took pictures of this stylish korean couple and their baby who was also visiting. ai-san took us to eat uni, which is a certain kind of fish that is like an eel, i think? we ate uni onigiri and she warned us a lot that we might not like it, but it was actually super delicious!!! funnily enough, i didn't even taste the fish once. all i could taste was yummy food. then, we went to a second hand kimono shop. there were lots of really cool kimonos there, but the ones i wanted were all stained! i was bummed out until i saw the one that spoke to my soul, and it was the best one out of them all. black, with red design and the inside was a hot pink. i bought it, and also a little cardigan and a 1 dollar rilakumma.

it's important to note that while i was looking at the kimonos, two japanese guys walked in. one of them had his hair tied up in a manbun like eren jaeger, and his other friend was cool looking too. i didn't think anything of it, but apparently ai thought it was suspicious how long they were looking at kimono sashes. when i went to the other clothing area, they also came down, but i thought they were just done looking at kimonos. i was checking out the skirts with ai, when she walked away for a moment. not even 3 seconds after she left, the man bun guys friend started coming down the isle i was walking down! i immediately looked away so as to not make awkward/inviting eye contact, and then turned down the other isle when i heard a voice say "sumimasen~~" i was like, no way, he didn't just say excuse me to me. not happening. and then he stopped me through the clothing rack between us and started speaking fluent japanese to me. i was like "wakarimasen...." and he just kept going. since he obviously didn't get the message, i spoke back in english saying i don't know japanese. then he finally went, "instagrameu changeu?" he wanted to swap instagrams with me!! 😭 i said "gomenasai..... i don't have instagram" and he defeatedly turned back around. i just stayed stopped in my tracks, looking around anywhere that wasn't in his direction with my hand covering my shocked face. i heard the guy talk to his friend who was waiting at the end of the isle, and once they were far enough away i ran to the changing room and hid. i just can't believe the first day i go out into town and already the devil is testing me with cute japanese guys. i'm just so glad it wasn't the man-bun one or else i would've have some serious disappointment on my hands. i "psst'd" althea and ai over and told them the whole thing, and they were surprised, because it hadn't even been two minutes since they left me. so embarrassing!! i felt so flustered and embarrassed for that guy.

to shake it off, we bought our things and then headed to the local mall to take photobooth pictures. there's tons of photo-booths to choose from, all with different wacky filters and borders. the one we chose ended up totally deforming our faces by making us white as a ghostly porcelain doll, with huge doe eyes and a super duper small face. the results of those pictures were terrifying, but taking them together was so fun, especially with ai-san dying from laughter. after the ultra 4,000 catfish experience, i got a little moomin from a gatcha machine, checked out a 100 yen shop, and ate yummy mall udon. ai went and picked up kai and nia, and we got to give them gifts. kai loves dinosaurs, so i gave him a dinosaur sticker and candy. nia loves ballet, so i gave her a flamingo that looks like it would probably be good at ballet. it was so adorable seeing kai's reaction. he's so shy, he was even sticking his head in a bag so he wouldn't have to look at us, but you could see he was just trying to hide his big smile. in the car, i gave them extra candy and stickers. kai chose all the lion stickers, and nia put them all up in the back of ai's car. (sorry ai!) i told ai that i'm already planning my next trip to japan, and that i never want to leave her. she said that she isn't dying, and that next time i come i can stay at her house. she told me that there's a ferry from busan, korea, to fukuoka, japan thats only 200 round trip. it's so perfect!!!!! i want to come back and stay with her forever!!!! she's so sweet, kind, funny, and fun to be around. i hope my family can meet her someday.

when we got home, it was just me and althea and suzuko (ryan's aunt.) she gave us delicious sweet potatoes coated in honey, with bitter green tea. it tasted amazing, but i was already completely stuffed and was about to hop in the shower. we had to talk through google translate, but it was still pretty awkward! especially because the only english she understood this whole trip is when i told althea that i wasn't hungry. 😭. poor suzuko. we still found a way to communicate though, and she even taught us about when to properly wear the kimonos we bought. when i finally got to take a shower, everyone had left the house, so it was just me and ryan's obachan. when i got out of the shower, obachan was in the dark hallway speaking concerned japanese to me and making an X with her hands. i was like, oh no, is my hair dripping water all over the floor? am i supposed to dry it before walking on the tatami mats? she backed me up into the bathroom again, and i still had no idea what she was trying to tell me. i kept saying wakarimasen and gomenasai, and poor obachan just kept repeating herself and making more indecipherable hand gestures. i literally felt like i was in an alternate universe- it was such a strange and awkward experience. finally i thought of calling ryan, so i said chotto matte and dialed his whatsapp, but got no response. so i called althea instead and she let me know they were pulling into the driveway, (thank goodness!) when ryan finally came in, he found out that obachan was just really worried because everybody was gone except for me, so she thought they had left me. she thought i must be starving because i hadn't eaten yet, (but she didn't know ryan and althea were bringing food back) and she was also worried because she thought i must be cold. well, if i had been able to pass her in the hallway i would've grabbed a jacket, lol! she is so sweet, and i felt so bad that she was worried. she kept bringing up how concerned she was the whole rest of the night! i made sure she saw us all eating at the table together. ryan, althea and i had a nice time unwinding and talking about our day as we ate. ryan seemed so happy, and i was happy too! i can't wait for tomorrow, honto ne!

[ambre-gris]

the struggle just got too real...

i was told to take up a large chunk of a colleague's work, because their contract didn't get extended due to budgeting reasons. this was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, meaning i give up practically all of my current (kinda like system admin) tasks to 2 of my colleagues (i need to teach them everything from the basics). i would retain admin tasks to 1 system i manage, but the thing is, i don't have admin rights there, i need to e-mail a different team to do the required changes. so i'll basically give up all my work to do take care of 1 demanding customer's process.

my boss and i sat down yesterday, i voiced concerns about my ability to do this new job well. then, my boss pulls up a memo of my mistakes and failures to meet project deadlines and keep customers informed in a timely manner, from 2023 until now and says it's an exceptionally large amount of mistakes and... well, screw ups. but i am still being appointed to this task which requires even more precision and punctuality.

i was appointed to my current job in a hurry, when my colleague (who was teaching me) had to direct their energy to a big customer coming in. they had managed a total of 3 different applications housing at least 3 customers each, all alone. i had applied (and chosen) for this position back in 2021 and waited over 6 months for some direction, until shit hit the fan and i had to quickly learn the ropes so i could sub for my colleague during their summer vacation. ok, that wasn't ideal but i rolled with it.

however, the switch of responsibilities wasn't clear. it basically gradually shifted to me, and at one point was just dumped onto me when it became evident my colleague didn't have enough time. anyhow. i know i have struggled with keeping documentation up to date and to my utmost chagrin, even customer communication has been subpar. one instance in the memo was about a customer filing a complaint about my lack of communication back in february. wow, then i was in a process with a psychiatrist to figure out what meds i should be taking bc i needed to get my shit together as i was feeling overwhelmed with everything. i knew i wasn't doing well but not sure if i had disclosed my struggles at that point. i did later, but i also don't want to use it as an excuse - i want to take responsibility but i still feel this is my punishment and a way to set me up for failure so they can kick me to the curb once i've imparted all my information to my colleagues.

on top of all this, when i asked my boss if she knew this was going to be a temporary arrangement, she said she has no information except that as far as she knows, we're really tight on money. i don't think i'll be getting my job back. i fought so hard to get here, too... but i know i messed up on the bureaucratic stuff. i should have gotten my shit together sooner, and i thought it was getting better after i started my meds. *sigh* guess i was wrong.

i'm finding it extremely difficult to keep motivated and to meet the demands to constantly log, document, save dozens of reports to different folders... and on top of that, teaching my colleagues the ropes and working with them in projects until they can take over. just to lose everything i fought for and patiently waited for.

i wish they had fired me instead of letting the person go who was doing the job i'll be doing...

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOO tumblr really said f u…but glad it worked out either way but I seriously need to find a better system for remembering if I actually sent something in or not….hmm….

Anyways hope your flight was nice!! And omg NOO the migraine :(( hope it goes away soon! I wish I had some tips or remedies but I honestly can’t remember anything that was super effective…..

Karasu serving as usual!! No because the Karasu nagi content from epinagi lately is fire like thank you for saving us in the drought that is the PxG match!!

First rin now ISAGI I saw your post and oh my god I was kinda shocked but then again I think we’ve mentioned this possible scenario at some point before so maybe it was just a matter of time….bro atp you’re gonna be providing more content for Kiyora than kaneshiro is you might as well just adopt him as your oc LMAOOO (I think your blog really just has manifestation powers atp let’s just face it)

I’m genuinely laughing my ass off (needed to write it all out for emphasis) at the “karasu anon requests (any)” LMFAOOOOOO but PAUSEEE SINGING READER KARASU??? That sounds very interesting!!!!! WAIT A DAMN MINUTE CHERRY TREE PT 2??? Sign me tf up part one slapped so hard

Also wait riding lesson right when you got back from vacation WITH jet lag AND a migraine??? You’re truly built different I can’t even wake up at a decent time after traveling between time zones ok but Karasu bfb was a JOURNEY LMAOO I’m also never getting over that wc it’s insane

Shidou would go wild for Karasu’s sus comments LMAO adding Otoya to the mix would be so chaotic HAHAHA also someone needs to save yuki asap fr

LMAOOO Karasu truly the only thing holding PxG together esp since Loki probably does not care about the dynamics of the team beyond winning and Charles’ growth

Lukewarm is honestly the perfect word for it…but wait ok speaking did you see the chapter….because wtf….im ngl i still haven’t caught up fully with whatever happened after the yuta gojo freaky Friday but what just came out was wild

SHSHS thats actually so annoying….hopefully it gets resolved soon! Im not super well versed in the topic but have you looked into it being something like vertigo? Or is it till more likely the side effects thing? Either way hope that and your migraine goes away soon and doesn’t come back!!

Anyways I’m gonna go read your latest post and try not to convert to kaiserism (I probably won’t but it should prove for some more uhhhh clearheaded commentary (??) than if I was fully invested in the character too and not just your writing LOL)

- Karasu anon

FR like it all linked up and that’s what matters in the end 🤩 hm ik for me personally when i’ve finished smth and i have it in my notes app i put a little green checkmark emoji next to it?? so maybe once you’ve sent an ask in you could put a green check on the note or smth 🤔

icl the flight was kinda crazy my brother and i were judging the pilot HEAVILY because the landing was kinda bad 😭 we’ve both been flying since we were like 6 months old so we’re very used to planes and whatnot LMAOO we can even tell what went wrong…as soon as the guy started landing we were texting each other like “omg he didn’t descend enough in the air now he has to take the landing too high and he’s going to hit the runway too hard 🙄” “negative aura for the pilot fr” (second text was obviously my brother FJDKDJS he is nothing but a teenage boy through and through)

HAHAHA PLSSS no because i’ve always considered isagi boring because where is the angst potential?? but then i realized that he (and yukimiya who kinda falls into the same boat) are very very yuta okkotsu coded 😳 so like where the angst with characters such as karasu and nagi is the fact that the feelings are there but never quite acknowledged/understood in time, the angst with isagi and yuki and characters like that is that no matter how hard you cling to someone and love them there’s sometimes extenuating circumstances that just tear you apart and there’s nothing you can do abt it (ex all of the dying and whatnot that happened in pomegranate ink…like for the majority of the story reader and yuta are in a relationship but they just can’t be together because of the bs going on in their world) 😰 they’re definitely characters that work better in an au though because in a modern setting they are just too healthy and normal…okay also i’m realizing that me being bored by personality types that i’m supposedly most compatible with might have smth to do with why i’ve never been in a relationship irl 😓 JFKSKS

nah because watch me write a beautiful layered complex kiyora and then all of a sudden my little fun facts abt him appear in the manga or a possible ln 🤨 going to be raising some eyebrows and asking which of my followers is secretly kaneshiro at that point LMAOAOA

HAHA i’m probably going to give your idea posts special tags and then that way i can go back and reference them when i’m in dry spells!! but for now i’ll probably do one of the ideas from each post just so i can clear my inbox LMAOAO i’m going to have to go through and see which characters i’m feeling when i get to them 🤩 and yes the request is for a reader who’s good at singing but shy abt it!! it’s probably going to be on the shorter side (like the isagi ones) but yk my track record with saying that 😭 ALSO YOU HEARD RIGHT CHERRY TREE PT 2!! it’s going to take place when rin goes and finds the reader again after the world cup like he says he will 🥹 so much more of a time skip than instrument pt2 🫣 but i’m excited to write it!! rn i’m working on the nagi req because he’s #bae but cherry tree pt2 might be next 😳 trying to take a break from karasu so i don’t feel like i’m writing the same thing over and over LMAOAAO i’ve written quite a lot for him recently (aka bfb) so i’m switching it up and writing for other characters for a bit 🤩 i have not abandoned karasu nation though trust i will return just taking a second to do my duties to the rest of the fandom 🙏🏻

LMAOOO i’m always on my grind 😩 i missed the pony i ride so i had to go back fr 🙏🏻 tbh it was a struggle getting there but my lesson was pretty good so it all worked out in the end!!

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like shidou and karasu are actually two peas in a pod it’s insane to me that no one else has picked up on their duo potential 😟 i need them to be besties and a trio with otoya would be insane JFKSDJSJ yukimiya needs friends fr 😭 like poor guy doesn’t even have a canonical bestie in bllk…i’m trying to think of people without a set “duo” that he could be paired up with 🤔 like kunigami has chigiri, isagi has bachira + rin + barou, reo has nagi, and most of the other characters feel like they’re too young to be super close with him (like hiori and all)…maybe gagamaru?? actually that would be crazy because apparently gagamaru thinks one of his strengths is his good eyesight and we all know what’s going on with yukimiya’s eyes 😓 i can’t think of anyone else who’s definitely staying in the manga that doesn’t already have a bff though 😟

yes i did see the new chapter!! honestly idk how i feel abt it…i think it was just done weirdly 🤔 like a lot of people are defending the situation and saying it makes sense/is supposed to be a shock factor thing and while i can definitely see the appeal of that it still doesn’t feel cohesive to me?? like okay she’s back in the last five chapters it just doesn’t sit well for ME considering how important she’s supposed to be 😕 i’m sure people will say i have no reading comprehension or media literacy or wtvr for thinking that but maybe i’m also just sensitive because she’s a female character so i think it’s annoying she was dead for most of the story and then suddenly she’s relevant again randomly?? like to me that is not how you should develop a character especially when you already are on such thin ice with writing women 😰 also again i can see the shock factor aspect but in my opinion an author should not be out to surprise their readers just to say “gotcha 😏” yk?? like if nobara was going to come back it should’ve been done in a way that felt more natural than her just randomly springing up LMAOAOA i’m not saying she should or shouldn’t have shown up earlier in the FIGHT just that it didn’t feel as exciting to me as it could’ve because it didn’t feel earned or deserved 😬 but this is top ten opinions i’ll never share in the public because the jjk fandom WILL jump on me and say i can’t read and blah blah blah 🙄 listen like i said idm her coming back it’s just the execution was off to me!! but also maybe i’d be more hype if i was still super into jjk like i used to be 😔 truly atp i’m just reading to keep up with it and know what happens…maybe one day in the future i’ll go back and binge read the whole manga at once and maybe it’ll feel much more cohesive then!! but we’ll see

sadly i have no clue what it could be 😓💔 but fingers crossed it resolves itself soon 😩 and EEK not kaiserism…i had a brief dip into it because he’s just very easy to write about in literally any au but he’s not a character i can stay passionate abt for very long LMAOAOA like he’s not rlly one of my favs even though i don’t mind him that much

[ladyravenjadethe2nd]

Spoilers for my fanfic

On the one hand I very much want to tell everyone every detail I have planed for If Wishes were Kisses and on the other I don't want to spoil it, but then I thought what if I died before finishing it?

So I have deiced to write everything in detail of my plan with the warning that it's spoilers and if I ever go like 6 months without posting y'all can assume I died and learn my vision and perhaps write your own version.

Don't read this if you haven't read my pinned post.

So to recap the summery: Nanika grants a wish and as a result several characters from HunterxHunter are reborn with their memories into MHA. They are reborn to aged up MHA characters.

The reason this happens you won't find out until part 6. Part 6 will only have two chapters the first one is going to the prologue and the second will be the epilogue.

The prologue will be this.

In the HxH world Leorio and Kurapika are long dead. Killua and Gon are around 18.

Killua has settled down somewhere with his sister where she can go to school and have a normal life. He always said he wanted to be normal so he should be happy in a normal apartment with a normal job, but he isn't and he is in denial about it.

He's also started having nightmares about his childhood. He was perfectly fine about it as a kid, but after years of feeling safe he starts to figure out how fucked up it is. He's considering therapy for the childhood stuff. Needs to set a good example for Alluka after all.

He really doesn't think he is depressed, but he is.

Gon on the other hand tried school for a while and hated it. He managed to get the bare minimum done his Aunt would allow and leaves whale island at 16 to get his Nen back. He does that and now he is traveling with Ging.

Once or twice a year he will go visit Killua for a week or two of fun and weird tension he doesn't really understand.

He isn't happy with Ging though. Ging is very selfish and it's nothing like traveling with Killua. Ging doesn't really care about Gon's opinions and several times he should have been with Gon to help with something, but he wasn't.

Gon starts to realize how much it sucks to be with someone that cares more about their goals then you and his adventures with Ging are less and less fun over time.

His mind goes to how much fun he has with Killua even when they aren't on an adventure and how much Killua did for him when they were traveling together.

He makes up his mind that it's his turn to follow Killua. He plans to go back to Killua to stay. Alluka will finish school soon and she might want to travel. If nothing else lots of people go on vacations during the summer so he thinks he could deal with staying in one place most of the year as long as it's with Killua.

It's shaping up to be a hurt/comfort Killugon fic, but before that happens Killua dies.

The Zoldyck's are tried of waiting for Killua to come home and go after him.

He leads them away from Alluka and fights, but his dad, grandfather, and Illumi are there so he has little hope.

Still maybe he would have allowed them to take him and trusted that he could escape if Illumi hadn't pulled out that needle.

Another needle like the kind that was in his head before. Illumi has only gotten stronger. What if his family knows he would never go back because of Alluka and Gon? What if they kill them? Or ....what if he can't escape on his own and Gon doesn't come for him?

Killua has accepted that he isn't as important to Gon as Gon is to him so what it comes down to is that he has lost faith in his friend. Gon came for him once, but Killua doesn't think he would come again.

Killua rips his own heart out in front of Illumi and crushes it. He dies because his family and his friends have failed him.

But that is only part of the prologue. Gon finds Alluka at Killua's grave and is told what happened. As is in Gon's nature he blames himself.

Of course Gon makes the wish, but it's not just a wish to bring Killua back to life. Gon wants everyone that has failed Killua to get a second chance to do right by him. Killua deserved better.

A bright light shines across the continents and several people vanish. The wish has been made.

The reincarnations start and it's in the world of My Hero Academia. MHA was mostly cannon up until season 6.

Changes have been made so that no hero dies. Nighteye and Midnight are fine. Instead of the fairly short, but devasting fights we got in seasons 6 and 7 the war lasted almost two years.

Class A and B were in a proper war against villains. They went on raids for supplies in a war torn country. They protected civilian shelters. They watched death happen to innocent people and many of them took a life, but in the end they won.

They won without causalities from their side and it's a miracle. They are giddy with relief. They bury their trauma and build a new world that looks a lot like the old one to be honest, but there are lot more programs for helping people.

There is still a hero ranking system, but being popular counts way less then saving people now! So victory?

In the end Class A and B are just kids and they can't fix the government. They can just do the best with what they have. Still no one they cared about died so compared to hxh they have it pretty good.

Also as war survivors their friendships are unbreakable. Every single character are ride or die friends like on principal at this point. Liking each other has nothing to do with the fact that they would die for one another on instinct that this point.

The story doesn't start anything like our prologue though. This story has 10 parts and before you reach the prologue in Part 6 their are 5 points of view in 5 different genre's you get to experience.

I wrote out parts 1-6 and realized it was over 8,000 words so I'm gonna have to separate it into parts and then post links to each part in order for it to be readable.

I'll be adding the links over the next few days.

Links

[orphancookie69]

07/2024-Loss of a Loved One...

Growing up, I have been extremely lucky to have a bounty of family around me. While it is something that is very important to me, and one of the more complicated aspects about me, family has defined who I am in more ways than 1. This is post is about the loss of a family member.

I have actually lost 2 family members so far this year. This is the natural progression of things as a family can only be large and together for so long before life finds a way to send them away from home. In every sense of that phrase. I will start with my first family member I lost.

Great Grandma (Paternal-Biological)

On my biological father side, we lost my great grandmother. She died at the age of 98. Just last Christmas she was eating dinner with us and rolling with all of life's punches well. She was doing really good there for a while, but if you ask me-she did not like the life she was living anymore and nature took it from there. She went from living on her own to being in a nursing home. She did so much in her lifetime, sadly I was adopted out of the family so for the first two decades of my life I did not get to know her. I always personally struggled to "play catch up". But the moments where I saw her for who she was, and her I-are small but pivotal moments for me. I recently celebrated her celebration of life at Buca Di Beppo, and it was perfect. It was the kind of meal she would of loved to have been a body in the room for.

Grandpa (Paternal-Adopted)

While I am dealing with that going on in the first half of the year, I have my adopted side having issues with my grandpa. I get alerted to them after they have progressed quite a bit. But once I am alerted to them, I take my sister (I grew up with and share the adopted side of the family with) and assist her in visiting my grandpa at the hospital. It is funny how things work out, grandparents on my maternal side had just been there so I was a Kaiser genius at this point.

It starts to get around father's day, and my birthday, and I know by now that he is in and out of the hospital. He was diagnosed with Cancer about a year or so ago, but he was in the hospital for just not eating and shutting down. I refused to hand deliver a father's day card, feeling foolish at the time, that he would have to be home to get his card. In my heart and head, all I wanted for my birthday was for him to be home. Well, be careful what you wish for-I got my wish, they eventually released him on Hospice.

We had a family meeting, it really is a beautiful thing how parts of the family have a very easy time coming together when needed. Once he was home, we discussed the short term future. We were told that he had 3-6 months and decided to have all hands on deck until we could figure out more and needed help. We ended up getting help from the nuns for free, the only fee they charge is the uber to get there. And we were doing alright for a while-a while here is like 2 weeks. My dad was on vacation and in my head, I was going to do what I could on any other front then take his place at the family house when he was off of vacation.

One day, I get a text from my Grandma saying that particular day was going to be Grandpa's last. I called my dad freaking out, and he confirmed it. The day before he had his last rites read. They are both non practicing Catholics. So I headed over. A nun was there, we essentially had a mass at home, brought to you by YouTube. Interesting experience for someone who hasn't gone to a Christian church in a while. We all said our goodbyes, called in our cousin living in Wisconsin. And at 3 PM, after seeing the light, he went home.

He was cremated and the church offered to host us a private mass. Which is truly an incredible honor. My dad drives his truck, isn't that right out of a damn country song, and my uncle wants to have some pizza in his honor. We all have our own relationships with people and grieve them in different ways. I miss him still. I checked in with him spiritually, and he's got a lot to come to terms within Life Review right now.

I am tearing up a bit as I write this. I know looking at it, you can tell one was closer than the other-but damn if they don't both hurt. My mother lost her "mother in law" and my partner had his grandmother come home from the hospital so hopefully all will be good for the rest of the year. Enjoy time with your loved ones and live a life that when you have to review it from a 3rd person point of view-you can have as much pride in it as you did when you lived it.

[seaoflove07]

Love Planted a Rose 🌹

~ Dark ~

• Artwork by The Drawables •

Full Art Cover and Story Description, Here.

OCXCanon. 🔪 Azusa & Christine’s Story. 🌹

Fan Fiction Written by Me.

Fandom: Diabolik Lovers.

Masterpost.

⚠️⚠️ Self-harm and Blood. ⚠️⚠️

There was Blood.

So much Blood.

In this dark room.

Only a little moonlight was shining through.

I see a young man, with a knife in his hand.

I can’t see his face clearly, he doesn’t look at me.

He just stares at his arm, he looks lost in his thoughts… 

*Stab, Stab* 

Christine: (He’s cutting his arm!…)

“Stop! What are you doing?”

(He still doesn't look at me, he‘s staring at his bloody arm…)

Young Man: “Justin… you seem… happy now… Fufu… I'll do more…”

*Stab, Stab*

Young Man: “Fufufu… Hahaha… it feels wonderful…”

She moves closer to him.

Christine: “Please stop doing this to yourself…We need to treat your arm.”

The young man turns his gaze to her.

Christine: (There is sadness in those lavender eyes. Even though he was just laughing a minute ago…)

Young Man: … …

He grabs her wrist and stabs her arm.

Christine: “AAAH!”

Christine wakes up scared. She looks and touches her arm while breathing heavily. It was the same dream she's been having these past two weeks, with the same young man. She can’t tell his physical appearance clearly because of the darkness of the room. Only his violet eyes were always clear when he looked at her. She doesn't understand why these nightmares started to happen at the beginning of the summer.

She wished she could sleep in longer since she was off from work but these bad dreams were waking her up every day really early in the morning, and it was hard for her to go back to sleep. Christine looks at the time. She gets out of bed. It was 6:30 in the morning. Since she can't sleep, she goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth and takes a shower.

*TimeSkip*

She comes downstairs and sees her Mother and Father in the kitchen.

Christine: “Good Morning.”

She said smiling and kissing both her parents on the cheek.

Mother: “Good morning, Christine. Your coffee and breakfast are already on the table, go eat before it gets cold.”

Christine: “Thank you, Mom. You're the best.”

As a grown 20-year-old woman who's still living with her parents, she never felt ashamed of that. She loves her parents and her brother who is 18 years old. He also lives with them. She is very close to her family. She has always told herself that she will move out of her parent's house on the day she will get married one day. She doesn’t see that happening anytime soon since her jerk ex-boyfriend lied, cheated, and left her for another woman, leaving her heartbroken. Because of that relationship, she has bad trust issues. She feels that every man will treat her the way Mark did. So she decided not to date anyone for the time being. Lots of men have asked her out, but she has declined all of them. She doesn’t want a new relationship at the moment. All she wants is to focus on working, saving money, and spending time with her family and friends. That’s all she needs now and nothing else. Having a relationship is pointless, it will bring you pain and disappointments.

She sits down to eat her breakfast.

Father: “Christine, I would like to talk to you about something.”

Christine: “Yes, Dad?”

Father: “Darling, I found a good opportunity for you. A Month ago at work, I met this businessman. He’s a wealthy man. One of my coworkers told him, I have a hard-working daughter. He is hiring a young woman to help out in both mansions where his sons live. You will be working four days in one mansion and one day in the other.”

Christine: “Huh? So he’s looking for a housekeeper for his son's mansions? I’ll pass! I have nothing against that job, but… I love working with the children at the Elementary School. Once my two weeks vacation is over, I’m gonna work at the summer program.”

Father: “Darling… The payment will be double the money that you get paid from the school, plus the job is in Japan and you will be staying there for three months. Your flight will be paid and you will have your own bedroom and bathroom. You will also have weekends off to do as you please.”

Christine: (Shocked! This seems too good to be true. Plus going to Japan has always been a dream of mine...)

Father: “Going to Japan with a new job and meeting new people will do you good, and you’ll be able to make good money in the process. I’m not gonna obligate you to take the job but I will advise you to don't let this opportunity pass.”

Christine: “Dad, what's the name of this businessman? And which of your coworkers told him about me?”

Father: “It was Tony, and I'm glad he did, you need this opportunity. I did have a conversation with this businessman. His name is Karlheinz, and I made sure that you will be in good hands. Christine, after your breakup with Mark, it broke my heart to see you suffer like you did. I don’t ever want to see you go through that again.”

Christine: “I'm sorry Dad, that you had to see me like that. I am better now and I have moved on with my life.”

Father: “You and I both know very well that you haven't healed from the breakup. Christine, you are my sunshine and it saddens me to see a dark cloud surrounding you.”

She suddenly sees her dad's eyes get watery. She felt emotional but Christine pretended she was fine, and held back the tears. She faked a smile.

Christine: “Dad I promise I'm okay now and happy. All thanks to you and Mom. I love you both so much.”

Christine truly meant her words. If it wasn't for her parent's support she doesn't know what would have become of her.

“And… You are right, this is a good opportunity and I always wanted to visit Japan. I’ll take the job.”

Father: “You made the right decision Christine. I am happy you are taking this job. All you have to do is read and fill out this form and you will be set. You leave next Friday.” 

Christine: (I am a little excited about this. Though I'm nervous about traveling alone, plus I won't see my family and close friends for three months! But her Dad is right, I needs this. Being out of this hometown and doing something new will be a new experience for me…)

One Week Later. Thursday Night.

- Nightmare -

She ran as fast as she could. This time it wasn't in a room but instead in a dark hallway. She can hear footsteps and laughter behind her.

Young Man: “Fufufu… I don't mind… playing hide and seek… Fufufu…”

Christine keeps running not looking back.

- He grabs her from behind -

Young Man: “Gotcha…”

He whispered in her ear.

“You can never escape from me… I will always find you…”

Christine: “Let go of me!”

He pushed her to the floor, pulling out a knife.

Christine: “Oww…”

Young Man: “You are the chosen Rose… You must bleed for us… The time has come… for you and me… to inflict pain on each other…”

When he said those words I looked up at him. No clear image of him, the hallway was too dark. Only lavender eyes staring down at me.

- He gets on top of her, grips her neck, and stabs her heart -

Christine: “AAAAAAAAH!”

Mother: “Christine! Wake up!”

She wakes up crying.

Mother: “You’re ok, it's just a dream. Breath honey. I'm here.”

Her Mom hugs her.

Christine: “Mom, It felt so real! A guy attacked and stabbed me. I've been dreaming about this same guy for two weeks now!”

She continues to cry.

Mother: “It was just a nightmare, Christine. You are all right. Ever since your breakup with Mark, you have been fearing men and thinking they are all gonna hurt you.”

She breaks the hug.

Christine: “Mom! This has nothing to do with Mark or the breakup!”

Mother: “Shh, not another word Christine. It is three in the morning and I came here because your screams woke me up. I thought something bad happened to you for real. Now try going back to sleep. You have a long flight ahead of you later today. You are gonna need good energy.”

Christine: “… I'm sorry, Mom…”

Monologue

As I watched my Mom leave my room.

I can still feel the knife ripping my heart.

Making it bleed.

Lavender eyes still haunted my dreams.

Is this a warning sign?

Of something bad coming my way?

My hands began to shake.

— TO BE CONTINUED —

• Picrew • Oc Introduction •

[ourotteradventures]

July 2023 to February 2024

It amazes me how fast time is flying, and I realize it more when I come to make posts and do updates about our lives. I know that they say time flies when you're having fun and to a degree I understood that - but for the first time in my life, even during the shitty parts, I find that it is going back exponentially faster than it has before.

We'll start in August 2023 and work our way to the present... I started the academy in July and boy oh boy - did I think I was in purgatory. The military has put me on some pretty shit details and assignments but the worst thing that can happen is time drags on. I am one of those people that I can do anything super shitty for long periods of time to expedite and end the suffering as soon as possible. Which is a great trait...until you are forced to play the waiting game and cannot expedite the process at all.

We had welcomed a new kitten into our little family as well because you kept begging for another cat. Thus, Hades was born. I went to the shelter to find an all black kitten that they said was there, and as I walked in someone had walked out with her. You told me to just check the area and see what other cats were there (I should have known that was the ruse). I walked down the first aisle and this tiny gray kitten rammed his face into the fence, 6-7 months old and named Sushi. I pulled his tag and said that I would spend time with him in the room. We checked out a few of the other all black cats that were there, but they were either too old to be around our current cat or they were meant for a solo home. As soon as we got into the room I sat on the floor and he came right up to play and get some love. You went to the front and well...the rest is history.

Next, my son came back from his dads and we had our first real integration into parenting with him and us and all of the in between. It was a very rough transition period and I felt like I was going to lose everything all at once with how it was going. In time, it has evened out and is significantly improved. I hope one day you see that he does look up to you and just wants to be involved. Sometimes I wish that he was just our kid and that I didn't have to worry about the other individual. Sometimes I wish that I could just smooth everything over and call it then and there. Other times I see it as a growing and learning opportunity for everyone involved, including myself. One day, it'll all be in the past and I'll wished I had savored it more. I already have experienced that and I knew it would happen and that still didn't lessen the blow.

We got you a knew job and you started your own field training. It is insane to think about the sheer ground for growth that we have covered in less than a year for both of ourselves. I'm so proud to say that we are doing this together and that we're setting our future selves up for comfort and success in retirement. Plus, we bought you a new car! You're very first car and loan on your own! That's exciting (and daunting, fuck taxes) :]

After a long six months I finally finished the academy. With all of the drama, sickness, pain, and recovery that I had to endure you guys got to pin my badge. Everyone except for my dad and some of his family canceled on me. That was what I expected from people and I knew better than to get my hopes up, but I had hoped that this time would be where I was proven wrong. I wasn't. It solidified my next steps and what I was going to do moving forward with cutting people out of my life for good and not wasting the time or energy to send a text/call. The days of trying to make people understand how they hurt me are over. They knew what they did when they were doing it and they can stand on that business - I'll stand on mine.

Now we're into the field training phase for me and you've just finished yours. First grade is coming to a close here soon and then we'll take our first real vacation that we have planned. It's also the first vacation I have taken in 12 years and I think that I have earned this. I will get to meet some of your family and I will get to see where you grew up. This is huge for me, but it's even bigger for you.

When we first started dating you were huge on the "not letting pieces of your life mix". I know that you want to keep things separate and unblended which is fine. Anything that is done is something I wish for you to do in your own time when you feel comfortable. We'll get to roadtrip and spend time seeing different states that I haven't been to before. I'm close to halfway of seeing the United States in total and this is going to be amazing. I'm daydreaming and planning it little by little when I'm feeling down.

To top it all off, you've mentioned or your mom has mentioned marriage. Which, does scare me a bit (not because of you) just because of the sheer amount of paperwork that comes with it. I also don't ever want to feel like I am trapping you into something you don't want. I want to watch you pursue your goals and dreams and cheer you on like you've done for me. Some of it will be harder for you and some portions will be harder for me, but I am determined to work it out for the both of us.

There is something special about you and I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I do love it. There is this feeling; like driving in the late summer/early fall, in the early morning with the sunrise, windows down, a light breeze, and listeining to classic country on backroads. That's one of the ways that I would describe how you make me feel. The way that you find a new song that you fall in love with and just keep listening to trying to chase the initial feeling it brought you...but I never lost that first feeling of hearing the song. You're an absolute treasure and I know that there are certain things that you want to change and improve for me. I adore that and it's admirible, but I made it a point in this relationship that I would not fall in love with potential (or ever again). I make it a point to not let my insecurities or past trauma creep in and ruin what I have and create a cognitive bias wormhole. I want to grow old with you and have a house in the middle of nowhere and homestead.

Who knew that wanting to bake homemade sourdough bread was the gateway to going off the grid?... I feel like that should be a study. Every day that I wake up and I don't want to do life or keep pushing I think about you and how you've made everything so wonderful - even the bad parts where you had no control in it. I'm so glad that I got to meet you and that this relationship has become what it is. I'm also stoked to see what it becomes in the next decade. When I meet your family we'll have been together for almost 2 years. We'll have known each other for 2 years.

You are singlehandly taking on such a huge task with me and I don't mean that in a pick-me type energy light. When I am having a medical episode one of the first things that I think of is you to bring comfort and solice to me in that moment. I also think about how this is going to impact your life and going forward, if it gets worse, what I will do to ease that burden on you. I didn't ever see any of this happening, but I most certainly did not see me having what appears to be partial seizures from severe head trauma and memory loss on the bingo card. That is terrifying in so many ways and I am terrified for you and my son. I'm terrified for anyone who is personally invested in me and my wellbeing for how this will go. It can induce a panic attack and a spiral, but the thing that stops that from happening is how softly you've said "We'll figure this out. We'll make this work. We're in this together." and you just stumbled into this.... that's so crazy for me and I think it is one of the first times of my life that I've been this raw with anyone for such an extended and indepth part of serious matters - and I've never had this kind of support. It makes me so happy that I cry from time to time. I finally feel loved and safe. It took a lot of struggling and suffering with the wrong people, but I found you.

[eclaisse]

Pixels and Photography

I think I should document some of 2023 over here, and potentially 2022 as well?

Back when I was younger, I would feel sad that I didn't have a good phone and camera or the means to travel often like my friends and peers. My family barely scraped by while my classmates were all relatively wealthy, so growing up in that environment was a bit of a challenge. I know my parents prioritized living in a good area to give me and my sibling the best educations, but it's difficult to fit in when everyone has the newest or highest quality belongings and you're stuck with hand-me downs or substitutes. I tried to be grateful for what I had and think I was fine in high school, but my college years were during the peak of Instagram where everyone was sharing their expensive vacations, meals, and possessions. I I slowly realized the glaring disparity between my and my acquaintances' lives, as well as how sheltered I was. I had no idea that some of my classmates were so wealthy and looking back, I kind of wish I never did?

Admittedly, social media did teach me quite a bit, especially in regards to food, fashion, makeup, psychology, etiquette, and social issues. Social media is a cool way to connect and learn from others, but it's a double edged sword. So many people developed depression and other mental health issues due to being constantly linked and compared to others. I'm pretty grateful that I grew up as people were transitioning into the mainstream usage of technology instead of being born into it. Growing up with social media sounds like a recipe for disaster in regards to mental health and self-image.

As a college student, I would be desperate to take nice pictures of food and nature and share them to social media, but nothing would ever turn out the way I intended. It's definitely because the phones I had were very basic since that's all my family could afford. Once I got my first industry job, I bought a Pixel 3 and it was the first "nice" smartphone I owned, on par with Apple and Samsung phones in terms of photography and processing power. In October 2019 I went to go visit family in London for my first solo trip and took so many pictures!! I still look back on that month's album because the photos I took of the architecture, nature, and food are all gorgeous. I received so many compliments on my photography skills on Instagram- I felt like I could finally carry out my visions with that phone. :'D

The Pixel phones are fantastic for taking pictures of food, plants, and scenery while costing a fraction of the price as iPhones and Samsung Galaxies. I've since moved onto a Pixel 6, and the picture quality is still great. I'm shy about taking selfies and never really got into the habit- to be honest, I think there must be some selfie settings on my phone that I have not figured out how to use properly. My selfies always turn out a bit strange looking- I imagine it's because of the camera? On Tiktok, some of the face filters also don't work properly on the Pixel so I think those two things are related. I do like my selfies more on Galaxies and iPhones, but since I don't normally take them, I think it's fine to just stick with my Pixel.

Anyways, it's funny that I would get sad over all this when I was a student and try to take better photos to share, but now that I actually take good photos, I barely share them!! I think we all got tired of social media once the pandemic hit, and things have never really been the same since. But I figured that since I have the photo quality I desire now, and get many compliments on my shots still, it may be worth it to finally share them on here. I'm looking forward to it!!

[obscureglance]

1. Last beverage:
Ice water

2. Last phone call:
Either parents or roommate

3. Last song you listened to:
Easier than Lying by Halsey

4. Last time you cried:
I think yesterday

5. Have you dated someone twice:
I went out tonight with someone I used to talk to. No offense, but the dude is boring.

6. Have you ever been cheated on:
Yep

7. Kissed someone & regretted it:
Probably

8. Have you lost someone special:
A few family members

9. What are your three favorite colors:
Green, Blue, and Purple

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:
Actually, yes

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:
Not on here

12. How many kids do you want:
Two at most

13. Do you want any pets:
One dog and one cat

14. Do you want to change your name:
Not legally.

15. What did you do for your last birthday:
Threw a house party

16. What time did you wake up today:
Too early

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
To see my friends on Sunday!

18. Last time you saw your mother:
Monday

19. Most visited webpage:
Google

20. Nicknames:
Boobs

21. Relationship status:
Single

22. Zodiac sign:
Virgo

23. Male or female:
A woman

24. Height:
5’2”

25. Do you have a crush on someone:
Yes, but not on anyone worth it

26. Piercings:
Not anymore

27. Tattoos:
Many

28. Strong or Weak:
Strong, but tired

FIRSTS

29. First surgery:
Cholecystectomy

30. First best friend:
Cody or Alissa

31. First sport you joined:
Diving, I believe

32. First vacation:
Oregon

33. First school:
That’s private

34. First pair of trainers:
Like bra? I don’t remember

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes:
Lips

36. Hugs or kisses:
Kisses usually

37. Shorter or taller:
I’ll always be shorter

38. Older or younger:

After the last guy? Older, please

39. Romantic or spontaneous:
Spontaneity is romantic to me

40. Sensitive or loud:
Both

41. Hook-up or relationship:
Relationship

42. Shy or outgoing:
Depends on my mood

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger:
Yep, he looked like one of The Wayans Bros.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket:
More than one

45. Lost glasses/contacts:
One pair of glasses and MANY contacts lol

46. Sex on first date:
Rarely

47. Broken someone's heart:
Yep

48. Been arrested:
Yes

49. Have you turned someone down:
Of course

50. Fallen for a friend:
Always

51. Moved out of town:
Yes

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles:
I do

53. Love at first sight:
Lust or a spark, but not love

54. Heaven:
Not specifically

55. Santa Claus:
I wish he were real

56. Kiss on the first date:
Unless it went horridly, absolutely

57. Angels:
In a sense

58. Yourself:
Yes, but I could be better

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:
I don’t think so

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?:
All the time

61. Ever cheated on somebody:
Not since I was a teenager

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:
1973

63. Are you afraid of falling in love:
I’m scared of getting hurt

64. Was your last relationship a mistake?
Last official relationship? No

Last situationship? Maybe

65. Do you miss your last relationship?
I miss my last situationship more than my last relationship

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?
Probably my dad

67. Have you ever been depressed?
MDD

68. Are you insecure?
Not as much as I used to be

69. How do you want to die?
Whenever I start to have to wear a diaper I hope an angel of mercy k!lls me

70. Do you bite your nails?
I’ve been better about it recently

71. When was your last physical fight?
A few years ago

72. Do you have an attitude?
Notoriously so

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Twirl

74. Do you tan a lot?
Nope

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?
Of course

76. Ever made out in a bathroom?
Pretty sure

77. Would you take any of your exes back?
I hope I don’t

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Just once

79. What are your plans for this weekend?
BBQ and pet sit

80. Do you type fast?
Sometimes

81. Can you spell well?
Not always

82: What are you craving right now?
Praline

83. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yeah, a long time ago

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I have to in order to figure out if they’re my person

85. What’s irritating you right now?
Everything

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Absolutely

87. Does somebody love you?
Romantically? No one that I know of

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?
Who hasn’t?

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?
Milk

90. Do you have trust issues?
Yes

91. Longest relationship?
On and off for years

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
I know so

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?
A lot, actually

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No, not evil

95. Did you have dream last night?
I dream a lot and I love it

96. Have you ever been out of state?
Yep

97. Do you play the Wii?
At friends’ houses when I was younger

98. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes!

99. Are you afraid of the dark?
Only when I’m h!gh

100. Is cheating ever okay?
NO

[mcreally-tired]

Life has gotten better in some aspects and worse in others as it be. For one it feels like my relationship is more solid. M and I still have our issues. We honestly still fight more than I wish we did but we’re trying and actively want to work together to make this relationship work which is more than I can say for any other partner I’ve ever had. Fighting obviously sucks but at this point it’s because sometimes we don’t know how to say stuff to each other without immediately triggering something and that’s hard to work around but time and effort have been making that work.

On the one hand I’m starting to have a better relationship with my family? I think? I’m at least seeing more of them. I visit one of my aunts at least once a month now and we’re planning on taking our first vacation back home and I’ll be able to see all the cousins and everyone else. My dad is actually even kinda living with me at the moment as he works near by and saves up money for a house and we’re both talking. I even accidentally yelled at him and wasn’t beat or anything you know?

My mom on the other hand… is just a more and more convoluted can of worms. Apparently she’s been trying to divorce her husband now for like 6 months and I don’t know what the fuck is going on that they’re not already. The reason it’s so got damn convoluted as it always is with her is that she’s been calling me… BEGGING me for a side compartment in my house that she could move into to but I don’t have any extra space and I’m not kicking out anybody just to have my mom stay for a month maybe? I wouldn’t even know because at the end of the day the woman already has a house and everything. But also at the same time any time we hang out it’s always with her husband and the two of them act like nothing is wrong which is so wild to me. I don’t care to pretend. Not anymore. I moved out.