#and i wonder if the cast/Hells feels the same way ie why are we only just bonding now 70 eps in and so they're hesitant

[utilitycaster]

Sort of a distant tangent off my post about Ashton, but I'm growing more and more suspicious of the fandom claim that there's no time for small RP moments in Campaign 3. I do think that it's been challenging to get deeper party bonding or serious conversations that aren't about the big philosophical questions they're facing, since those do take much more time; but then I think about Calamity, or Candela Obscura. I can genuinely give you at least a couple paragraphs about pretty much every relationship in the two Circles, or in the Ring of Brass. I can also point to no shortage of small moments between characters in the Mighty Nein Aeor or Vox Machina Vecna endgame episodes, which were all extremely plot-heavy and fast-paced, and D20 consistently nails character relationships in a fraction of the time.

I think it really does come down to, as Brennan Lee Mulligan always says, the character creation phase. Laying down a solid groundwork in which everyone has a detailed, rich backstory and sense of personality and relationship history (in the case of characters who knew each other prior to the start of the series) is absolutely crucial, and even in the case of characters who don't know each other before going in, a good amount of time spent in character creation ensures that it's easier for them to develop those interpersonal relationships on the fly. I know in actual play there's some degree of finding the character as you play, but there are games for which there is a very short runway, and I don't think it ever hurts to do more extensive character prep than the bare minimum. And if there are gaps, I think it also helps to go back and fill those in mid-way, away from the table - Travis clarifying Chetney's backstory being a great example that allowed the history of Chetney and Deanna to feel realized and full, despite only a few episodes.

I'll also be blunt: most of the time when people complain that there aren't moments because the plot keeps moving...they're mad about shipping. Which has always rung hollow to me. It was a common complaint in C2, that no time was taken for character relationships, despite them taking an entire half of an episode for the Beauyasha date and despite no shortage of moments for all three of the other couples (and plenty of platonic moments between friends). The issue was never a lack of time; it was that the characters they wanted to talk to each other didn't actually have the relationship in canon that the fans had dreamed up, and so, when the chips were down, they went to other people.

It takes two seconds to say something like "I hold their hand", even in the middle of plot-heavy adventuring. If someone doesn't say it, it's rarely the GM rushing them; it's the player either choosing not to do so, or not remembering to do so, and either of those is quite revealing regarding how the player feels about that relationship and where it stands in their priorities.

[love-fireflysong]

It be June 3rd now, and would you look at that, the second of my prompts is already up! Who’d a thunk it? Anyway, as successfully guessed by the lovely @torahime here is 5 + 1! And as by the nature of this trope in general, this one ended up long. Like crazy loooooooong. (Also I’m a moron who didn’t understand what the prompt meant for like a week. I kept trying to figure out what the hell the number six had to do with anything, and when I finally googled it out of desperation, all I saw were the words ‘five times’ in the first link and I immediately felt ashamed of myself. I should have known. Why didn’t I know?)

Anyways, you can read the long-ass fic in question at ao3 over here: Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been? You can also read this one under the cut, but considering the length I wouldn’t recommend it asdhaskdjh The next one should be much shorter due to the fact that like the first one, I blanked for ideas completely lol.

Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been?

Trope: 5 + 1 Fandom: Until Dawn Characters: Ashley Brown, Chris Hartley, Josh Washington (all the other kids also make an appearance but due to them only having like one scene and a single line each I’m not tagging them) Words: 12733 Rating: Teen (though I think I’m being pretty damn generous with that rating tbh) Authors Notes: Yes you’re reading that word count right. Almost thirteen thousand words. Don’t ask how I managed to write this in 5 days, I have no fucking idea. Just take this fic about two nerds being morons in love and mutually pining over each other for six. fucking. years.

Chris is fourteen and so goddamn tired of this stupid crush on his best friend. It's been a whole year now since he met her, and he hates that this stupid, silly, little, crush of his hasn't abated at all. He doesn't even know why he likes her in the first place! It's just Ashley after all, there is absolutely no reason to feel this tongue-tied around his best friend. It's Ash: with her braces, arms always full books (when her head wasn't buried in one that is), stringy red hair, wide green eyes, who sometimes snorts when he tells a joke, freckles that dot her nose and shoulders and—

Okay, he was maybe getting a little side-tracked here. The point was, there was 100% absolutely no reason to feel this way about her. In fact, he bets this was all Josh's fault in the first place! Yeah! That was it! None of this would be happening if Josh hadn't basically kidnapped Ashley from her true home in the library and forced him to meet her! 

...But then he wouldn't have met her. And stupid crush aside, she is pretty much the only girl he knows who laughs at all his jokes and helps him with his English homework sometimes. He likes knowing her and likes being her friend even more, he just doesn't like liking her. And maybe that was it? Maybe he just likes Ashley cause she's the only girl who willingly hangs out with him and Josh, and isn't Josh's sisters. 

And that's what he's going to prove today once and for all. He heard from Josh that Hannah was absolutely adamant that everyone was going to play spin-the-bottle at her and Beth's birthday party in a couple of days. And that everyone meant not only the people that the twins invited for said party, but also the people that Josh invited over (ie: Chris and Ash) so he would have some company during the twins big b-day bash. Chris was going to find Ashley and explain that losing their first kiss over a game like spin-the-bottle was just so not cool, and that maybe kissing each other first would just be a way better and smarter idea of doing things. And once he kissed her he would finally realize that yup, Ash was just one of the guys and that was so fucking gross and they were totally never ever going to do that again.

Perfect idea. Fool proof even. No way that this was totally going to backfire into his face. Absolutely none at all!

So when he finds Ashley sitting and reading under her usual tree just outside of the school, he is so sure of the success of his ingenious plan that he brings it up right away. 

"I think we should kiss before Hannah and Beth's party."

See! Right away! Straight to the point. He has got this shit in the bag baby!

Ashley looks up at him, clearly a little startled from reading her book and squints at him. "Huh? Chris? Is that you?" For a second he's a little confused about how Ash doesn't even recognize him, but then he quickly realizes that he's probably got the sun directly at his back so she can't see him clearly and he awkwardly shuffles to the left a little so she can see him better. "Oh! Hey Chris, what was that you said earlier? I got so absorbed that I didn't really hear a thing you said, sorry." While she doesn't close her book, she does give an embarrassed little laugh that makes his stomach flip-flop just a little and starts to weaken at the cracks of his once fool-proof plan.

He finds himself messing with the strap on his bookbag as he tries to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 'Um, I asked if you were going to the twins' birthday party this weekend." Okay, falling a little behind schedule now, but it's fine. No problem.

"I mean, I wasn't exactly invited, but yeah. A whole night of graphic horror movies to drown out the sounds of screaming pre-teens. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night." The absolute dryness of her tone has Chris smiling.

"Oh come on Ash, it's not gonna be that bad."

"Our choices are either to hang out with a bunch of kids who have basically never talked to us ever, or watch Josh's disgusting horror movies Chris."

"Well, I mean, when you put it that way...actually, no. The screaming pre-teens sound like a safer bet honestly." The little snort of laughter she lets out only has Chris pushing the butterflies down harder. God, he is going to be so glad when those stupid things finally leave him alone. "And well, from what Josh said, it sounds like horror isn't the only thing planned for that evening."

"It isn't? You mean he's actually opening up to other movie genre options? Shocking. I truly never thought I would see the day."

"Ha, I wish. Nah, I was, um, talking about what the girls—well, what Hannah wanted to play. Actually." Great. And now he's starting to blush. Really keeping with the rails of his plan there!

"What Hannah...? Oh! You're, uh, talking about the spin-the-bottle game." Ashley brings her lower lip into her mouth and pushes some hair behind her ear. "Yeah, Josh mentioned something about that."

Perfect, one less thing he had to explain. That would speed things up immensely. "Honestly, between you and me? I think it's a stupid idea."

Ashley nods her head vigorously in agreement. "I know right! I mean, who wants to kiss some stranger over a bottle of all things? Can you imagine losing your first kiss to some person who probably doesn't have a single idea who you are in the first place? God that would be awful." Oh man, things are lining up right for him! Ashley's even on the same page and this next part is going to be so easy— "That's why I asked Josh if I could kiss him first instead when he told me a couple of days ago."

Wait. Waitwaitwait wait . She already asked Josh?! "Oh, wow. You were, uh, really thinking ahead there huh?" God, he could feel every ounce of determination he had slowly deflating out of his body. There was no way he could ask her now, absolutely no way! Ashley was gonna think that Chris wanted to kiss her—or worse, liked her! And okay he kind of did, but this was supposed to prove the exact opposite. That this was just stupid hormones and puberty really messing with his life and not something else.

"Of course, there was absolutely no way I was gonna have my first kiss with some popular buttface who was just gonna make fun of me behind my back afterwards. Better to have it with Josh, who would also make fun of me, but at least it would be to my face." Ashley starts to return to her book, flipping a page but stops halfway through. "Wait. Were you going to ask me the same thing?" She sounds a little unsure and a little of something else he can't place right now because he's too busy trying not to panic. 

"What? No! God no! Of-of course not!" Oh god, was his voice seriously choosing to crack now? He really, really hoped that the shade being cast from the tree was enough to hide how red his face was. He needed to get out of here and quick .

"I-I-I mean, it's not like it was good or anything—"

"Think I should probably go now anyway."

"It was, like, really wet and-and-and like so bad. Super awkward honestly."

"Lots of things to do. Lots and lots of things to do in fact!"

"I mean, we could still, uh, k-k-kiss? If you want to...?"

"Nope!" Chris was honestly looking everywhere except at Ashley right now, which was fine because she was currently in the middle of trying to hide behind her book. "There's absolutely no reason to do that. Because, because... I already kissed Josh too!"

"...you did?"

"Yup! Totally did. Just came over to see what you had planned to do about it actually. And because you're so much smarter than me, you had totally already done the same thing. So no reason for me to still bother you after all! None whatsoever! So I'll just let you get back to your book. And the battle between the uh, vampire and the, um, cowboy? Riveting stuff I bet."

"Um, yeah. But—"

"I'll just, uh, see you tomorrow then, I guess. Bye!"

Chris thinks he catches a wave of disappointment flash across her face when she returns his farewell, but he's already basically fled half away across the yard to find Josh so he doesn't think about it too much. And it turns out that Ashley is right, kissing Josh is wet and pretty fucking awful in the end. Which should only prove his idea that kissing her would have been just as bad and awkward.

So why does he feel like it would have actually been the complete opposite?

"I'm going to fail."

Ashley rolled her eyes as she struggled not to laugh. "Oh my god, you're not gonna fail Chris."

Chris didn't even deign to raise his head from where he had face-planted it into the open book only moments before, letting his words come out muffled and flat. "I am Ash. I am going to bomb this exam so hard that they're gonna make me repeat ninth grade."

Ashley groaned, but it was more of an attempt to hide her amusement than out of any exasperation, as she tried to lift Chris back into a sitting position and wasn't laid out prostrated over the table. "Okay first of all, get your dumb face out of that book. Ms. Norman is not gonna be happy with either of us if she discovers your drool all over the pages of the only half-decent copy of Lord of the Flies that the school library has." Once she finally has finally managed to prop Chris into a halfway decent sitting position, she moves the book closer to her in case he decides to try smashing his face into it again. "Second of all, I'm pretty sure that the school's not going to make you repeat the grade just because you failed English, your grades in everything else are high enough that they'll definitely pass you. That, and there is no way that the teachers would let Josh move on to high school of all things without supervision."

"...That is a scarily good point."

"And thirdly, there is absolutely no way I would be able to get through the next four years of school with you in my grade," she teases him with a poke in the arm. "I mean can you imagine? Having to go to class everyday knowing you're going to be there with me? I can't think of anything more terrifying honestly."

Chris gives a startled laugh. "Gee, thanks Ash. Really appreciate that vote of confidence. Making my self-esteem soar over here. And also, I for one can think of something way more terrifying."

"Really?" Ashley says as she crosses her arms across her chest and levels him with a disbelieving look. "Well go on then, try me. Cause I can promise you that there is absolutely nothing more terrifying—"

"Me and Josh in the same grade as you."

Ashley just blanches. "Oh god. You're right. That is so much worse and the idea of this even happening is now going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life."

"Oh please, it wouldn't be that bad."

"It would. It so would. And to prevent this we need to double down on you studying for your English final so that this cataclysmic event never occurs."

It's Chris's turn to roll his eyes as he slumps down even further into his seat. "That's what I was doing earlier until you stopped me."

"What? Planting your face into the middle of the book?"

"Exactly. Decided to try out a new method cause the other one wasn't certainly working. Learning by osmosis."

Ashley shoves her face into the palms of her hands to try and stop her giggles. It didn't work, not by a long shot, but it at least smothered them a bit. "You can't just read a book by trying to absorb it into your skin, that's not how things work at all!"

"And how would you know that Ash? Have you ever even tried?" Chris scoffs.

"Of course I haven't you dork! I haven't tried because that's not even possible!"

 "Um, sounds to me like someone just isn't open to new ideas."

"Oh my god. Can we please get back to studying and making sure you don't fail. I for one would really like to get back to that." Ashley starts to put the copy of the book back between the middle of them where they can both read it easily. "Okay, so chapter eight is where the divide between the boys finally reaches a boiling point after seeing the 'monster' on the mountain in the last chapter. They argue over whether Ralph should still be left in charge and Jack leaves in a huff."

Chris groaned as he tossed his glasses onto the table so he could throw his arm over his eyes. "Starting to think that Jack has the right idea here." he grumbled.

Ashley ignored him. "Some of the other boys follow after him and form their own tribe with Jack as its chief further down the beach. As a group, the hunters then fall into a savage frenzy when they go hunting and kill a sow, with Roger dealing the killing blow."

"By driving his spear into the thing’s ass," Chris helpfully supplied.

Ashley sighed. "Yes, by doing that. Good to know you're at least remembering some things, but do you remember what happened next?"

Though she couldn't see with Chris's arm in the way, she knew that he was narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Ummm, they... eat the pig?"

Ashley groaned and fought very hard against the impulse to smack her forehead into the center of the table. " Chris . "

"What? Do they not eat the thing? I mean, why even hunt it if they're not gonna eat it?"

"Chris, what they do next is the lead up for what is often considered the most important scene in the entire book! How can you not remember?!"

"I don't know Ash! Kind of think I was distracted by the whole 'shoving a spear into a sow's anus' part!"

"They leave its head on a stake in the jungle as an offering to the beast! This is what creates the Lord of the Flies that Simon sees later that night!"

"Oh right, that. Yeah that sounds a little familiar now that you mention it."

"A little—" Ashley stops fighting against the earlier urge and places her heavy head into her hands in despair. "You literally had to read this book last month! How could you have forgotten so much already?"

Chris groans and drapes himself over the back of his chair. "This is hopeless Ash. I appreciate the help I really do, but I think it's time we face the inevitable and just take a page out of this book."

"What, I stick your head on a pike and be done with you?"

The snort that Chris makes in surprise is enough to bring a tired smile to Ashley's face. "Leaving you to deal with Josh alone? Ha, you wouldn't. Nah, I was talking about just making an offering to the exam gods out there. Think they'll be the best bet I have to pass this shitty ass final."

Ashley removes her head from her hands to give him a withering look. "If we're going that route, you want a kiss for good luck too? Probably work just as well as those gods of yours."

There's an awkward pause, and at first Ashley can't figure out why but then the words finally hit her. She feels her face start to burn and she places her head back into her hands so she doesn't have to look at Chris anymore. Oh god, she can't believe she just said that. Why would she even say that in the first place?! It's a damn good thing that Chris isn't wearing his glasses right now, the heat from her face alone is making her feel like she's about to combust as it is, and him seeing that would probably push her over that physical boundary.

"I-I mean, if you think it will help..." Chris sounds almost bashful when he says it and Ashley snaps her head to him in shock.

"I—" Ashley isn't quite sure what she's trying to say, and is interrupted when her phone buzzes with an incoming text message. She immediately jumps up from her chair and starts grabbing at her things. "Oh man, that's probably my mom here to pick me up. I should really get going."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah! No reason for me to stay if you aren't so I guess I should head out too." Chris starts picking up his stuff too, putting his glasses back onto his face as he shoves his books into his bag.

By nature of having brought less than Chris to help him study, Ashley finishes cleaning first but doesn't leave right away. Chris had said it was fine after all. And sure, maybe he was just desperate for anything that will help him pass his final, but he said it would be fine. So steeling herself, Ashley leans down and leaves a quick but chaste kiss on Chris's cheek.

"For luck!" She manages to squeak out as she all but runs out the doors of the library to the school's entrance where her mom will be waiting for her, too scared to even look back. 

Chris should have known that something was up the moment Josh brought it up: 'Hey, how about you and Ash hang out at my house this weekend instead?' Innocent sounding sure, but he really, really should have known better. Josh never pushed for hang outs at his place, it had always been an agreed upon rule that Hannah and Beth got their place, while Josh preferred to host their get togethers and his and Ash's own houses. It was just the thing that was done and everyone had been more than happy with how it was. Had it been any other time, Chris would like to think that he would have totally seen right through Josh's plan and offered up his place instead.

But Josh's parents were almost never around either, and that meant staying up late and talking and goofing around without parents warning them to go to sleep. Which most importantly meant staying up late and talking to Ashley, because that hadn't been a thing that the three of them had been able to do a whole lot recently. It was still so weird not seeing Ash around in the school halls, not being able to hang out at lunch, and not meeting up after school all the time. It felt like there was something huge missing and it bothered him (just as much as it bothered Josh, not that he would ever say anything about it). The two of them wandering the hallowed halls of high school while she was still stuck back in their middle school just felt so wrong .

So when Josh had brought up a weekend hang out, Chris (and Ashley) had accepted right away. Which, judging from the fact that Josh had somehow managed to weasel the two of them into playing a game of Truth or Dare with him, had been a huge mistake.

"Well, well, well. It seems the time has come. So let's get on with it shall we?" Josh rubbed his hands gleefully together in the dim light of the bedroom (for atmosphere he had claimed) as the three of them sat in a circle. A seemingly innocuous plate of cookies sitting in the middle of them, and knowing better then to trust Josh, both Chris and Ash had been eyeing the cookies warily for the past few minutes. Not that Josh seemed to notice or care of course. "Seeing as I'm the one who set up elegant little ritual—"

"You forced us into playing a stupid game dude, there's nothing elegant or ritualistic about it."

Josh ignored him, unsurprisingly. "I'll go first of course. So Ash, truth or dare?"

"What are the cookies for Josh?" Ashley asked nervously as she continued to eye the plate instead of answering him.

"That's not important. And anyways, it's my turn Ash. So I'll ask again: truth or dare Ashley?"

Ashley raised her eyes from the plate to transfer her nervous and mistrustful stare to him. "...truth," she answered slowly.

"Oh ho ho! So truth it is! Well then Ash, tell me: have you got any secrets you've been dying to share with us?"

Chris could immediately tell that the question had hit a sore spot on some sort, shoulders locked and her body stiff. "You know I'm not gonna answer that one. Pass."

Josh shook his head, a devious smile on his lips. "Nope. Nuh uh Miss Brown. That's not how this game works. If you're gonna pass then I'm gonna have to ask that you take a cookie in return."

"...I'm sorry, what? "

He waved a hand down towards the plate of cookies. "These, my dearest chums, are the fabled Truth or Dare cookies. Anytime one of us refuses to act out what is asked of us, we must then take a cookie in penance."

At first, Ashley doesn't move. She continues to dart her eyes suspiciously between Josh and the plate of cookies, but eventually slowly does reach out and hesitantly grab a chocolate cookie from the plate. She holds it up closer to her face to investigate it further, and Chris watches as all the tension she had stored up just evaporates from her as she physically deflates. "Oh my god, are you actually being serious right now Josh? ‘Dare’ brand cookies? Really? Why in the world are you trying to be so ominous when you went with a pun as lame as using Dare cookies in a game of truth or dare?"

"Wait, really?" Chris reaches out to grab one for himself but Josh smacks his hand away with a grin. 

"So sorry Cochise, but these are only for if you refuse. And trust me, you don't want to refuse." Josh turns back to Ashley. "Oh, and don't eat that just yet." 

In response, she just shrugs and leans back, but keeps the chocolate crème filled cookie in her hand as she looks between Chris and Josh. "It's my turn now, right? Okay, so—"

Josh cuts her off. "Nope, still mine. Now, Chris—"

"What? That's not how this stupid game works Josh!"

Josh waves her off. "You didn't answer my question Ash, or eat the cookie, so it's still my turn."

"But you just told me not to eat the stupid thing!"

Josh ignores her as he keeps his attention squarely on Chris. Who, to his own shame, has begun squirming in his seat in dread of what's going to come. "Well, Chris: truth or dare?"

Chris tosses the options over in his head. Both are terrible obviously, but playing this game with Josh of all people never ends well, so he decides to go with his gut instead. "Dare."

"Ooooh, feeling a little gutsy are we? That's fine, I can work with that. I dare you to... return the favour and do one thing you've been thinking about alllllllll summer."

Personally, Chris is finding it a miracle that he hasn't reached over and tried to strangle Josh yet, but he has a feeling that has more to do with the fact that he's trying not to shrivel up on the floor and die than out of any mercy. Even though Josh for some reason worded it in a really convoluted way, he just literally dared him to kiss Ash. It was so obvious that he was frankly amazed that Ashley hadn't figured it out yet.

Because of course he still thought about that kiss for good luck that Ash had given him in the library. He thought about it nearly all the damn time! Hell, Chris was pretty sure that the reason he had even passed his final even a little bit was because of the kiss. Not because it was good luck or anything, but because whenever a question appeared on the exam that asked about the themes or some shit about Lord of the Flies, he kept getting sent back into that library where Ashley had been drilling the same stuff into him just before she had kissed his cheek.

And there is absolutely no way that he's gonna kiss Ash in Josh's bedroom. No way in hell. Especially not when it's gonna reveal that he had been thinking about what was more than likely a super innocent and helpful gesture on her part.

So glaring at Josh, Chris reaches forward and without a word grabs a vanilla cookie. And for some strange reason, this only causes Josh's smile to widen. "I see, so that's what you both went with huh? Anyways, I think it's about time you take your 'reward' and chow down!"

Exchanging a confused look with Ashley, Chris nonetheless shrugs and pops the entire thing into his mouth and bites down.

And realizes in a horrifying instant that this is not a vanilla cookie.

There's a flash of light that blinds him for a second, and when the spots clear he sees Josh holding a camera and laughing his ass off.

"What the—? Is this fucking mayo dude?!" And it must be, because this is not what a vanilla cookie should ever taste like. While the cookie portion itself is okay if not a little soft, the crème is way too oily and eggy to be anything but mayo. Josh doesn't answer his question right away, but that's from a combo of laughing way too hard and being distracted by Ash trying not to retch in the middle of the bedroom floor.

"Oh my god! You put soy sauce in a cookie?! What is wrong with you Josh?!" She's up in a second and rushing to the garbage can near Josh's desk, and Chris is quick to join her in trying to spit everything out. "I'm never going to get this salt out of my mouth! Why would you even do that?!"

"Cause it's fucking hilarious that's why!" Josh is still laughing as he takes a look at the picture he took on the camera, and starts laughing harder. "Oh fucking hell, this was glorious. Oh wasting those two questions just for this picture was so worth it. Best decision I could have made!

"Now you two get your asses back over here! I spent hours on these cookies after all, and I am not letting them go to waste. We've got hours my friends, and so many questions and dares to get through."

Chris shares a look with Ashley over the garbage bin, both of them now obviously wondering if keeping their own secret had been worth having to eat those cookies, and if they still would have passed their turn knowing what exactly laid in store for them. While he certainly couldn't say a thing about her, Chris wasn't so sure if not kissing Ash and enduring all the fallout that would have resulted in was worth the terrible combination of vanilla and mayo in his mouth. He supposed he would never know, it was too late to simply retract his pass after all.

And well, he really didn't want to kiss Ash when she had just been tricked into eating a bunch of soy sauce.

You know, Ashley kind of figured that once she entered high school all of these stupid games would be done with. Surely high schoolers were too mature and too old to be playing childish games like spin-the-bottle or seven minutes in heaven? And yeah, obviously Chris and Josh weren't, but that was them and they were in a class all their own. But Hannah? And Sam and Beth? She would have thought that they were way too cool to be playing spin-the-bottle of all things, especially Beth.

And yet, here Ashley was: squeezed in between Matt and Sam as Matt spun the bottle around on the now extremely sticky hardwood floor. She wasn't stupid, she knew the entire reason the game was even being played in the first place; Hannah had been making eyes at Mike all through the evening and well into the game after all. She just didn't think that anyone else would have been stupid enough to go along with the game when Hannah suggested it. 

(Ashley knew very well why she had reluctantly agreed to play, she just didn't know why anyone else did.)

Though to be fair, it didn't seem like the game was gonna last much longer anyway. Emily and Jess had started scrolling through their phones ages ago, showing each other whatever was on the other's screen every few minutes and the two of them laughing. Mike had been tapping a really off-rhythm beat on his jeans with the straw from his can of soda and staring into space, while Hannah stared lovesick at him . Beth was starting to doze on Sam's shoulder, not that either seemed too concerned about it, and Sam was nervously eyeing all the spilt pop and chips around them that they were gonna have to clean up before they went to bed. Unsurprisingly, Chris was also scrolling through his phone, snickering every now and then as Ashley felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her hoodie whenever he sent whatever it was that he found funny to her and Josh. Josh meanwhile, had joined Matt in building a rather shaky—if not impressive—tower out of discarded plastic cups, straws, and paper plates.

Ashley yawned behind her hand as the bottle slowed it's spin. She had been ready to drop out of the game a round or two back, but hadn't yet because she didn't want to deal with the others teasing her on being a sore loser who backs down the moment the bottle didn't land on the person she wanted it to. Which would lead to Chris asking who it was even though everyone else already knew who because it was glaringly obvious to everyone except him. The sound of the bottle stopping its spin managed to get everyone's attention as they looked at the neck of the bottle pointed squarely at Mike. 

Everyone made the expected ' oooooooh ' and wolf whistles that everyone always did in this game, though quieter than they might have usually. Bob and Melinda were sleeping upstairs after all, and the last thing any of them wanted to do was wake them up and have them discover that despite it being nearly three in the morning, that the ten of them were still awake as the snow storm raged outside the lodge. Nonetheless, Matt and Mike both rolled their eyes and leaned over Josh who sat in the middle of them with a groan. Mike also didn't hesitate to take Matt's face into his hands and just plant one firmly on his mouth with no fanfare, other than the continued wolf whistles of course, and the two of them settled back down to their previous antics. 

With that done, Ashley stared down nervously at the bottle. Once again, she felt the words stick in her throat. It would just be so easy to say "Oh man you guys, it's really late, I should really just go to bed" but let them die without a fight as she swallowed nervously and gave the bottle a hard flick. She knew exactly why she let the words die, and it wasn't solely because of what the others would say, though that was certainly a large part of it. No, it was because of the same glimmer of hope that sparked in her everytime it was her turn at this stupid game. That maybe this would be the time that the bottle would land on Chris, that she would finally get that kiss she's wanted for three years now.

She watches the bottle spin around the group, slowing its motion every full spin, and she notices that Chris has turned his attention away from his phone to watch it almost as nervously as she is. Which should probably make her question just why Chris is as just as invested on who it's gonna land on as she is, but she's kind of distracted right now by the fact that her heart is rapidly picking up pace in direct contrast to how much slower the bottle is getting. And feels it stop almost entirely when the bottle begins its last revolution and she knows. She knows . It's finally gonna land on Chris. All these years of playing this stupid, stupid game and it's finally happening.  

Ashley's eyes shoot up to meet Chris's over the bottle, but that's also when the lodge suddenly plunges into darkness just before the bottle stops on him.

Immediately, the others are screaming next to her and the tower of cups and plates fall with a soft clatter.

"Oh my god! What the fuck was that?!"

"Holy fuck! Can you guys see anything?"

"Of course we can't see anything Michael!"

"It's probably just the storm you guys. Settle down."

"Can you guys please quiet down? My parents are sleeping and they're gonna kill us if they find out we're still awake."

Ashley isn't yelling though, because she's too busy screaming internally. There is no way that this is actually happening right now. There is no goddamn way. The bottle finally lands on Chris and the power goes out? Because of some stupid storm? She wanted to scream. She has half a mind to reach out and hold the bottle in place so there's proof of this when the power comes on, or to just jump over the distance and kiss Chris anyway. She knows exactly where he is after all, and he must have seen it land on him. He must have, right? It's that little second of uncertainty that decides for her, there's a sound as someone gets up and the flat 'thunk' as they accidentally kick the bottle across the room.

"Shit. My bad. You guys stay here, I'll go and check out the back-up generator in the basement. You coming, Cochise?"

Ashley can hear Chris awkwardly and quickly getting to his feet. "Um, y-yeah. Right behind you, bro."

The two of them walk away leaving Ashley to sit on the floor about to scream from the frustration of it all. And she does scream that it is, though not from almost having the perfect excuse to kiss Chris, but from someone touching her shoulder.

"Sorry, sorry!" Sam apologizes. "You were so quiet Ashley that I got nervous. I know that you're scared of the dark and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Oh, yeah. That's right. She was so preoccupied with the dark ruining what was almost going to be the highlight of her entire year , that she kind of forgot that it was, well, dark now. And once that realization hits her, so too does the fear that she's sitting in absolute darkness and can't see a single thing other than the lights being cast from everyone’s phones. That she has no idea what else—or who else—is out there. She frantically reaches out and wraps up Sam's arm in her own for a physical reminder that there is someone else she trusts in the darkness with her.

"Wait, you're scared of the dark Ash? Shit. Here, just give me a second." From next to her, Matt rustles in his jacket pocket and brings out his phone, turning it on and casting light around the room, and reflecting off the plastic bottle that Josh had accidentally kicked to the other side of the room. "Hope this helps a bit."

Ashley lets out a breath and a small smile. "Yeah, it does. Thanks Matt."

"No problem. Hey, I think I may have a funny video saved on here somewhere. Pretty sure I downloaded it so just give me a moment." He finds the video quickly enough, and while Ashley doesn't find it particularly as funny as he clearly did, she does appreciate the effort anyway.

Thankfully for everyone, the lights come back on soon enough. Though whether from the power coming back or the back-up generator activating, she isn't sure. It is enough to convince everyone that maybe it's time for bed though, and no one asks about her spin and who it landed on, which Ashley is both insulted for and thankful of in equal measure. Sam unfortunately reminds everyone of the mess they've all made of the great room though, and that they should all clean it up before Bob and Melinda wake up and find it, which Hannah and Beth eagerly echo, and so does Josh when he makes his way back up from the basement with scowling Chris in tow.

Thankfully, between the ten of them, the clean up takes very little time and they're all on their way back to their own rooms in record time, even if Ashley was too embarrassed to even look at Chris now. God, she couldn't believe that she had seriously considered jumping him! And for what? Just because some bottle told her to? Oh man, she never would have been able to live that down. She still spends more time then needed to get ready in the bathroom, and then laying in bed with her lamp on in the hopes that maybe Chris will knock on her door to confront her about the spin and ask for that kiss.

While the fact that he doesn't make an appearance doesn't surprise her, it's still a little depressing. 

Chris is going to kill Josh. He is going to kill him . And he means it this time. Years spent watching Josh's horror shit and listening to Ash go on and on about her mystery novels should have given him a real edge actually. He can murder Josh violently in the way that the weirdo would probably like to go and then Ash can help him get rid of the body so that no one will ever know it was him. Easy.

You know, assuming Ashley is still gonna want to even associate with him after this.

"You feeling okay, Chris? You're starting to look a little red... and surly."

"Yup, I'm fine. Just peachy in fact." Chris takes another swig of the punch that has somehow not been spiked yet, and tries to plaster a smile on his face for her only to once again start looking over her shoulder. Not that there's anything interesting over her shoulder of course, unless one finds a group of football seniors trying to play a game of chicken in the middle of the dance hall interesting, but it's easier than looking straight at her. Not because she looks terrible of course—good god is that not the reason—but because she is way too fucking gorgeous for him to handle right now.

When Chris had decided to invite her to his and Josh's grad thing, it had just been a way for all three of them to hang out and enjoy their last year of high school together. School rules dictated after all that for some stupid reason, graduates weren't allowed to invite anyone who wasn't in school anymore so Ash wasn't going to be able to ask them to hers next year. Which was complete and utter bullshit of course, but that was beside the point. It was supposed to be a fun night... and then Chris's parents found out. And being the complete pain in the asses they are, they insisted that if Ash was going to this party with them, and it was a formal party, then they needed to make this proper. So against his wishes and leaving Chris wanting to die, they went and found out what colour of dress Ash was going to be wearing and got him not only a matching tie but a fucking corsage to go with it! The only thing that had made all of that even a little better, was that they had forced Josh to go along with it so at least he wouldn't be alone. 

But then Josh had showed up not wearing his stupid tie and without the fucking flowers. And despite Chris's repeated protests that he didn't want to do the whole matching thing, especially if Josh wasn't doing it, his parents still made him do it anyway, saying all the while that 'it would make Ashley happy, you do want to make Ashley happy don't you?' And now here he was, sitting with Ashley at their table while she wore his stupid flowers on her wrist and his tie matched her green dress.

He hated how fucking obvious his crush was s0 much.

"...It's because of what everyone's been saying isn't it?"

At the dejected tone of her voice, Chris immediately snaps his full attention to her, leaving his glass of punch forgotten as he flaps his hands around in an effort to not reach out and grab at her hand. "What? No! God no! That isn't it I swear!"

Ashley sighs sadly as she looks glumly down at her lap. "It's fine Chris. I can understand if it's making you uncomfortable."

Chris takes one of his ineffectually flapping hands and makes to run it through his hair, before remembering the amount of gel he had put in it before coming and rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I'm serious Ash, that's not it. I was honestly just thinking about the different ways I'm going to murder Josh when he gets back."

She laughs a little at that, and turns to look out into the direction of the buffet table, as though she'll be able to see Josh coming back with their food through the literal sea of people. "He has been gone a while hasn't he? He left like twenty minutes ago and he still isn't back. Do you think he even went to the buffet table in the first place?"

"He better have. Him coming back with food is probably about the only thing that's going to stop me from murdering him honestly."

Ashley laughs a little louder, and when she pushes a stray strand of hair that had come undone from her simply styled updo, Chris catches the while flowers on her wrist and feels his stomach flip pleasantly. "Any particular reason you want to kill Josh this time?"

"I mean, I have plenty but let's just be honest with ourselves here: do either of us ever need a reason to wanna kill Josh, Ash?"

And there it is, the surprised snort he was waiting for and that just made this entire evening a little more bearable. "God, you're not wrong." She follows his eye line to the corsage on her wrist and just like that all levity to the situation is gone as she hides her hands back in her lap under the table. "...you're sure that you're okay with what everyone is saying though?" she asks a little nervously.

Honestly? No, he isn't. Ever since the three of them walked into the party, everyone they had talked to right away had noticed the matching colours and the corsage and all comments had been the same. 'Fucking knew that there was something going on between you two' and 'Hey, it's about fucking time' or 'Always knew that you two would be good together'. It had been bad enough realizing that apparently almost everyone he had ever spoken to even a little bit had known of his super obvious feelings for his best friend, but the absolute worst thing had been the pained but polite smile that Ash had forced onto her face every single time.

"Honestly, I'm never going to see most of these people ever again once I graduate." He's avoiding the question, and he knows that she knows that he's avoiding the question. "But you're probably gonna have to deal with people brining this stupid thing up for the entire next year. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's not like this is something I don't deal with already." She says it with a little shrug and smile, but Chris can feel his heart sink anyway. How long has she had to deal with the bullshit that his stupid crush has caused her, and why had she never told him? It's way too late to try and fix things, but he can at least hopefully try and stop any further comments from coming, so he lets his fingers fly to his tie and starts to frantically undo it. "...What are you doing Chris?"

"Wondering why on earth I let my parents talk me into this. This is obviously making you uncomfortable and I should have taken this stupid thing off ages ago." His fingers keep catching on the knot and he lets out a fairly explicit curse under his breath.

Ashley's eyes go wide with realization. "Oh!" She instantly flips over her wrist and starts fumbling at the clasp of the corsage with her other hand and Chris finds that his heart has somehow managed to travel all the way from the bottom of his stomach straight into his throat. Abandoning his only partially undone tie, he lays his hand on hers to stop her.

"You don't have to do that." She's staring at their hands in wide-eyed shock, and his breath catches. "Not if you don't want to, that is. It-it looks good on you."

"Okay," she whispers softly, eyes still wide as her fingers leave her wrist, "I can leave it on."

"Only if you want to though." When the hell did his mouth get so dry?!  

"I do," she looks up to him when she says it, and the earnestness of her smile bowls him over. "I really, really do." In an effort to try and distract himself from her smile, he starts fumbling at his tie once again and he catches her eyes flickering to it. Ashley's smile somehow only brightens as she laughs at him. "Here. Let me give you a hand with that."

She scoots her chair closer to him and he removes his hands from his tie so she can take over. The two of them say nothing as she places all of her attention on continuing to loosen the knot, while Chris tries his absolute hardest not to swallow...or breathe...or do anything at all really, as he just stares down at her in awe.

Once the knot is finally undone, Ashley slowly pulls the entire length of fabric from his neck and places it on the table, before putting her hands back where they were so she can carefully smooth out his shirt collar. And when she looks back up at him with a smile, he can feel the entire world stop as they just stare at each other and Chris slowly starts to close the infinitesimally small distance between them. And he's probably just imagining things, but he thinks that she's doing the same thing as well.

"Jesus Christ, sorry it took so long you guys. Line for the fucking food was longer then you would believe!"

The two of them fly apart so fiercely, that Chris's entire chair manages to tip over backwards and send him to the ground with a loud clatter. He can feel everyone's eyes on them and the murmurs that follow, and he hopes that they're mistaking the redness of his face for the embarrassment of falling out of his chair. Yeah, that's a story that's going to make the rounds before he graduates for sure.

"Shit, you okay bro?" From his spot on the floor, Chris watches Josh place a couple of plates absolutely piled high in food on the table and reach down to help him up with a laugh. "Oh hey, I see you finally decided to take off that stupid tie too. Surprised it took you this long honestly."

Chris accepts Josh's hand up. "Yup, me too." He hopes and prays that Josh just thinks that the absolutely breathless and stunted quality to his words is that he's just a little winded from the fall. Once he gets his chair back up and sits back down, he grabs at the tie to shove it in his pocket. He notices that Ashley is refusing to look at him as she digs out a couple of sandwiches from the miscellaneous pile of food, even as she fiddles with the strap of flowers on her wrist for the rest of the meal.

He's exceptionally thrilled to note that she does keep the corsage on the rest of the night though.

Five times. That's how many times her phone has gone off in her pocket. Five. Times. And every single time Ashley lets out a sigh of relief when the buzzing finally stops, it goes off again only seconds later. And checking the caller id the first couple of times only showed that it was Josh calling her. Normally Ashley liked to think that she would have answered her phone if it was literally anyone else, but this was Josh. He called for every little thing after all; from letting her know that he saw a super big dog on the way home from classes to informing her that he was out of chips and if Ash could pick some up on her way to meet them from her job then that would really just be swell. And considering that he and Chris were supposed to meet her and grab a bite to eat together while she was on her lunch break, he was probably just calling to let her know that they had just left, and to make a milestone out of every block closer the two of them got so she could greet them with all the pomp and circumstance he likely thought he deserved. 

Though to be fair she probably would have answered her phone after the third ring, if only to tell him off, but Jared had been giving her a stink eye from his office pretty much since she had arrived so she hadn't.

So she let it buzz...and buzz...and buzz. Until finally, her phone stopped yet again and she tensed her shoulders ready for the next round of vibrations to start. But there was nothing. Nothing but blissful silence coming from her pocket and she let out a huge sigh of relief as Ashley got back to work shelving some of the new stock, letting Kyrstin and Curtis deal with the short line of customers that had begun to form as they bought their books and whatever little trinkets littered the entire front of the store.

She hoped Chris and Josh got here soon, she was overdue for her lunch break and the smells coming out of the nearby food court were calling her name. Particularly the chinese place, she had been craving them for the last week at least . Plus, Jared had been raking her over coals about how her availability was going to drop dramatically once she started college in the next couple of weeks, and one of the creepy regulars had followed her around the store for-freaking- ever (she's pretty sure he had been staring at her ass the whole time too honestly) until Curtis had basically shoved her into the back room to let her escape while he covered for her. And surprise surprise, Jared hadn't been too thrilled about her 'abandoning her post' and yelled at her about that too. 

Whoever said that working in a bookstore was a lazy job where she got to read books in her free time was a dirty, rotten liar. It was hell on earth and she was going to slowly tear the fingernails off whoever it was that said it (even though she had a sinking feeling it had probably be Ashley herself that said it back when she romanticized working in bookstores when she was, like, ten ). God, she really really needed that Chinese if she had any plans of surviving the last four hours of her shift.

The phone at the front desk behind her begins to ring, but a quick backwards glance has her realizing that with poor Curtis trying to deal with an older woman who is adamant that the book he's trying to sell her is the wrong one because she is 'positive that the book had a light purple cover and this one is lavender, that is two different colours and I want the right book now ' and Kyrstin being forced to deal with the rest of the line herself, that Ashley's the one who's going to have to answer the phone. With a groan of resignation (she hated answering the phone at work but Jared was in a horrendous enough mood as it was), she stood up and made her way over, repeating the greeting she was going to have to say over and over in her head so she (hopefully) wouldn't mess it up. And taking a deep breath, and repeating the greeting once more in her head, she forced a smile to her face as she picked up the handset.

"Hi! Thanks for calling—"

"Fucking finally Ash."

In an instant, Ashley could feel every ounce of nervous energy violently expel from her body as she nearly doubled over with another groan, this one entirely of exhaustion. She took quick glance over her shoulder, but Jared seemed to busy with another phone call in his office thankfully. "What are you doing Josh?!" she whispered angrily, "I'm at work right now you moron!"

"Uh yeah, I know. Why do you think I called you using this number?"

Ashley gave Kyrstin an apologetic and pained smile when she looked at her curiously, who responded with a good-natured shake of her head and a laugh under her breath as she turned to help the next customer. "Well, you didn't have to call here."

"Kinda did, Ash. You kept ignoring me."

"I was ignoring your calls you butt, you could have just texted me instead you know."

"Hmmm, no. Anyways I tried calling to tell you that Chris and I might not be able to meet up with you for lunch."

Ashley felt disappointment flood her entire being. "Oh. I see. But you really could have just—"

"We're at the hospital while Chris gets some x-rays done."

Immediately any disappointment fled her body as Ashley all but collapsed on the counter for support as her legs gave out on her. "Is he okay?! Oh god, is he okay Josh?!"

There's a pause on the phone and all Ashley can hear is her own blood pounding in her ears. He has to be okay. He has to be, he just has to be!

"I dunno, it was a pretty gnarly fall. Don't know if he'll ever truly recover, there was a lot of screaming after all."

Ashley doesn't even respond as she slams down the phone and turns to Kyrstin and Curtis who are looking at her in shock as her entire world falls to pieces around her. "I-I have to go. Chris is... Chris is..." she can't get anymore out with how it feels like someone is ripping her heart out of her chest. "Josh said he's in the hospital and...and..."

Curtis nods quickly as he runs to the staff room, and Kyrstin just starts shoving her towards the door as they all ignore the customers who are standing around awkwardly. "Go. We got this."

Ashley turns her head towards Jared's office. "But I gotta—and, and I need to grab my stuff—

"Nope. You go. Curtis and I will figure something out, and Becks arrives for her shift in another half hour. We can manage just fine until then. You just get out of here right now."

Ashley doesn't try to fight anymore than that, not with how hard she's fighting to hold back breaking down in the middle of the store after all. Curtis meets her at the entrance with her bag and shoves it into her arms. "Do you need me to call you a taxi, or give you a ride, or anything? Kyrstin can drag Jared out of his cave if she's gotta." Next to him, Kyrstin nods furiously in agreement.

Ashley has never loved anyone as much as she loves her coworkers in this instant. "No, my-my mom gave me the car for today."

With that little bit of approval, and a random customer shouting ‘I hope he's okay hun!’ at her, the two of them shove Ashley into the mall itself and the very instant she crosses that threshold she takes off running, shoving her way through people and nearly falling down the stairs in her effort to get to the parking lot as quickly as she can. She is so, so glad that her mom basically forced the car on her today instead of letting her take the bus as originally planned, she doesn't know how she would have lasted if she'd had to wait for a taxi to arrive and pick her up.

As it is, once she's finally (and somehow safely) managed to arrive at the hospital and found a spot to park, she's nonplussed about the fact that she didn't leave any imprints in the steering wheel from how hard she had been gripping it the whole drive over. She fumbles with the clasp on her seatbelt with shaking hands, almost bursting into tears about that fact alone, but she eventually manages to free herself and basically throws herself out of the car, only remembering to lock the door behind her when she's about halfway to the hospital doors.

The moment she bursts into the waiting room, Josh is sitting there waiting for her. He looks up at her in surprise as she hurries towards him, then down at his phone and back up at her again as he gives a low whistle. "Shit Ash, how many laws did you break to get here that fast?"

She ignores him. "What happened?! How is he?! Just tell me he's okay! Please, please tell me he's okay!"

"I mean, I suppose he's as fine as he could be considering the circumstances." He seems to sense that she's about ready to scream at him so he quickly follows up with "He's on the second floor, in room 272 if you want to see him."

Ashley doesn't even bother to thank him as she bolts to the nearby elevator, frantically pushing the 'Call Elevator' button nonstop until the door opens and then doing the same thing to the second floor button as it carries her up. Her eyes are burning in an effort to hold back her tears but she can tell that the dam is about to burst any second, especially with how long this elevator is taking to move. She doesn't even wait for the doors to open fully, squeezing through them the moment they're wide enough and accosting some poor nurse until he points her down the correct hall. She hurries the rest of the way, staring at every number on the wall until she finds room 272. And then she stops, her hand on the door knob as she braces herself for whatever she's going to find. Chris lying in bed, covered in blood and bandages with a heart monitor beeping next to him, just broken and shattered beyond all repair. With a choked back sob she opens the door—

and finds Chris sitting on the bed looking up at the ceiling bored to tears with a splint wrapped around his pinky and ring finger on his right hand.

"Finally! I thought you would never get here, so if we could just get this over with—" he looks over at her standing in the doorway shell shocked and still in her work uniform and jumps to his feet. "A-Ash?! What the hell are you doing here— Wait, did you just come here straight from work?! "

"You're okay?" Ashley hates how small her voice comes out, "You're really okay?"

"What? Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Who told you—"

Spell broken, Ashley’s bag falls from her shoulder to the ground with a small clatter and she dives towards Chris, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Oh thank god. Oh thank god. " Chris starts to return the hug, likely more than a little confused about what's going on, but she's already moved so her hands are on either side of his face as she tugs him down to her level so she can get a better look at him. Twisting and turning his head this way and that as she looks for any bruises or cuts. "Josh told me that there had been an accident and—"

"Ash!" Chris interrupts her by taking her wrists in his hands—though he winces at the pain that likely forms as a result of doing so—and speaks as calmly and reassuringly to her as he can. "Ash, it's okay. I'm fine . I promise. I just tripped earlier that's all."

Ashley takes in the sight of the scuffed up palms of his hands, and the holes in the knees of his jeans that certainly hadn't been there before, and knows that Chris is telling the truth. Though it doesn't explain the splint on his hand.

"Okay, and I might have broken my finger doing so."

Ashley just stands there so dumbfounded and relieved in equal measure, that she blurts out "Josh said that there had been screaming."

To her surprise, Chris only gives an embarrassed groan as he stares at an area just over her shoulder "God, Josh is never gonna let me live that down is he? Okay, so my finger may not have been the only thing that broke..." Confused, mainly because except for the bandaged finger and ripped jeans he seems perfectly okay, Ashley looks over her shoulder and follows his eyes to his phone laying on the counter just behind her. The screen completely shattered to hell and back with no promise of life anywhere on it. Just the dead, black screen reflecting the ceiling above on its cracked surface 

"Wait," Ashley starts to feel the relieved giggles try to break free as her nerves finally settle, "are you telling me that you broke your finger but you were more worried about your phone? "

Chris sputters as he starts to wave his splinted finger infront of her face. "I mean obviously! This doesn't cost me any money to fix Ash; that's what health care's for! But my phone? Do you know how expensive that thing's going to be to replace? How many paychecks I'm going to have to put towards it? All the money I saved up this summer for school: gone! All because of a stupid little sidewalk curb!"

Ashley can't help it, she starts laughing uncontrollably as she collapses into a nearby chair with her head in her hands. "Oh, I am going to kill Josh when I see him, kill him! And then Jared's gonna kill me for bailing at work and not telling him! God, and I just left in the middle of a rush too! Remind me to buy Kyrstin and Curtis a cake or flowers or something as an apology. Oh my god ."

"You just ditched work? Ash!" Chris falls back onto the bed as he laughs with her. "Why would you even do that in the first place?!"

"Josh told me that you were in the hospital getting x-rays! What was I supposed to think?"

Chris rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I asked him to let you know that we were probably gonna be a little late for lunch while I waited to get my cast! Fucking hell, I'm so sorry."

"Am I interrupting anything or..."

The two of them turn to see a doctor looking up at them with an upturned brow, and holding what Ashley assumes (and hopes) to be the materials needed for Chris's cast. "This is Chris Hartley's room correct?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. That's me."

The doctor nods, and walks towards Chris, but stops in front of the chair Ashley is sitting in. "I'm sorry, but I will be needing that chair sweetheart." With a squeak of apology, Ashley jumps out the chair and moves back by the door so fast that she's almost certain that she had managed to teleport over there, almost tripping over her forgotten bag in the process. Red-faced, she picks it back up and goes to leave (and possibly strangle Josh violently) but is stopped by the same doctor as she sits down in the chair with a chuckle, shaking her head. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to. It'll only take a couple of minutes to get this cast on and then he'll be free to leave with you." 

Now even more red-faced (if that was even possible), Ashley just slowly shuffles over to the table where Chris's (broken) phone and wallet is, nervously fidgeting with the strap of her bag as she waits for Chris to get the cast on. Taking Chris's hand in her own, the doctor—Dr. Klorens her name tag reads—scowls at the now slightly bent fingers in the splint, which Chris only gives a sheepish shrug and smile to, and sighs as she unwraps his fingers so she can reset the splint. And Ashley blanches at the deep, dark bruises that spread all the way from the middle of his pinky to nearly halfway down his palm that she had completely failed to notice earlier before those are once again lost. 

And as promised, once the Dr. Klorens has put the cotton sleeve over his hand and trimmed it to the desired length, it only takes her another couple of minutes to wrap starting from the center of his forearm and all the way up to the center of his palm and then finally finishing with his splinted fingers. As the three of them wait for the fibreglass material to dry, Dr. Klorens goes over the do's and don'ts of cast care, which Ashley takes serious note of because she knows that Chris won't. Especially the 'do NOT get the cast wet' part, he's gonna forget about that one the moment Josh tries to bait him into another water gun fight.

"Alright, I think that's about it. Just come back in three weeks so we can do another x-ray to check and make sure that the bone's all healed up before we remove it. Just let someone know that you're done with the room when you leave, and remember to check out at the front desk." She gathers up her supplies and makes to leave, but stops to look over her shoulder at them with an amused smile on her face. "Oh, and if you two take the stairs, just make sure that you're careful. I know that we're in a hospital already, but I don't think any of us want to deal with any more tripping instances. Especially if they result in another broken bone." After waiting for Chris and Ashley to meekly agree to be careful, she finally leaves the two of them alone once again.

"Welp, that's it for my summer. 'Fraid I'm nothing but a cripple now."

Sighing, Ashley turns to Chris with a tired smile. "You are not a cripple, oh my god. You have a broken finger, you didn't lose the entire arm you dork."

Incensed, Chris waves his cast at her. "Um, do you not see this thing Ash? I may as well have. I've lost the use of two of my fingers now! Two! And on my right hand to boot. I can't hold a controller to play games with, I can't type, I can't text. What am I supposed to do Ash if I can't hold a single thing in my dominant hand anymore?"

"I'm sure you'll manage," she dryly responds. "Now come on, let's get out of here. I have to figure out how in the world I'm going to explain this to Jared so he doesn't fire me."

"Pretty sure that you should just let him if you ask me."

Ashley groans in agreement, but says "It's only another couple of weeks until college starts. Just hoping I can hold out until then, I need the money after all."

Chris lets out a resigned breath but then starts eyeing her work apron. "You got a sharpie in there?"

"Um, I think so. Why?"

"Uh, so you can sign my cast, duh. You missed out when I broke my arm when I was like nine, so you can be the first to get your name on this one."

"Trying to weasel my autograph out of me huh?" Ashley asks even as she digs through one of her pockets to pull out the sharpie in question, and joins Chris to sit next to him on the bed.

Chris laughs. "Damn, you figured out my devious plan. Thing’s gonna be worth a fortune when you make it onto the bestsellers list one day. Gonna be fighting off all sorts of crazed and fanatic fans."

Ashley shakes her head as she chuckles and writes her name on his arm, but pauses when she caps the pen. Seeing her name on his cast suddenly pulls everything back into vivid clarity, and she remembers the panic she had felt when she had thought—when she had believed —that she had nearly lost him. That this was it, that he was here one day and gone the next, and she hadn't even told him how much he meant to her. How important he was to her. She watches as a drop of water splashes down onto the cast and she finds herself wondering if there's a leak in a room upstairs.

"What the—Ash? Are you crying?"

"Huh?" She wipes her eyes, and a surprised but weak laugh escapes when her hand comes away wet. "Oh, I guess I am. Sorry about that, you're supposed to keep the cast dry and here I am crying—"

Chris places his left hand on her cheek to help wipe away some of her tears. "Oh fuck, I really freaked you out didn't I? Fucking hell. I'm—"

"Do you promise not to hate me?"

The look Chris gives her is nothing short of bamboozled. "Hate you? Ash, what's going on with you?"

"Do you promise not to hate me? Please Chris, I really, really need you to promise me this. Please . Do you promise not to hate me?" She’s fully aware that she’s practically begging right now, silent tears flowing down her cheeks, but if it gets Chris to promise then she’ll gladly throw away her pride for this one thing.

"Yeah, I-I promise. Will you just—"

Ashley doesn't give him anytime to finish his sentence before she's squeezing her eyes shut and she surges up to kiss him. She doesn't want to see his expression, not when all she wants is just to remember everything else that is happening. Remember the feel of his lips before he pulls away, and the warmth of his hand on her cheek. In fact, she spends so much time trying to memorize what she is sure is only going to be a single shared kiss, that it takes her a few seconds longer than she would like to admit to realize that Chris's hand isn't on her cheek anymore, it's moved to the back of her neck so he can kiss her back . The shock of which is enough for her to break the kiss and stare at him with wide eyes.

"Wh—" that's all she can get out before Chris is pulling her back in for a second kiss, and this time she lets her eyelids flutter close as she completely melts into, throwing her arms around his neck to hold him closer.

Ashley's not sure how long they stay like that—could have been an eternity, could have only been a couple of seconds—before they're both pulling back with their faces flushed and giggling like morons.

"Wow," Chris says after a moment, "I don't know what made you think I could hate you after that , but wow . If I had known that this would be the reaction I get, I would have broken my finger years ago."

There's something about the way he says it that has Ashley's heart beating even faster. "How long?" she demands breathlessly, "Tell how long ago?"

Somehow, Chris manages to flush even deeper. "I dunno, like... six? I guess?"

Six years. He'd had a crush on her for six years and she'd had no idea. The moment the realization hits her she starts laughing. "I knew you were trying to ask me for a kiss back in seventh grade! I should have just chased you down and given you one anyway!"

This time, it's Chris who starts laughing at the realization. "Wait, you liked me too?! Then that kiss, back in the library...?"

"You still remember that?!"

"Remember it? Ash, that stupid little cheek kiss is the only reason I passed that final I'm sure! Hell, why else do you think Josh dared me to kiss you in truth and dare?"

"What? No he didn't!"

Chris shakes his head as he moves his hand from her neck to around her waist. "He did! He told me to 'return the favour' and all I had been thinking about that summer was kissing you back. Fucking hell, I almost killed him when he pulled me away to get that generator working that winter in the lodge."

"Oh my god, I almost jumped across the floor to you that night when the power went out after the bottle landed on you."

"You didn't!"

Chris sounded so scandalized at the idea that Ashley presses her forehead to his as her smile widens, which only causes his own to widen in turn. "I did! But then Josh pulled you away and I just completely lost my nerve." She starts laughing at the next memory. "Oh god, I kept my lamp on in my room after that hoping you would stop by if you thought I was still awake."

The answering gape in shock was all she needed before she broke into more giggles. "I saw that! I don't know how long I hovered outside your door trying to work up the courage to knock before talking myself out of it. I think I just convinced myself that the outage had freaked you out badly enough that you needed the extra light to get to sleep."

Once the giggles started to lessen, the smiles on their faces did so as well, softening to something warmer and infinitely more cozy. "I almost kissed you, you know," Ashley confessed shyly. "Back at your grad party."

"Yeah, I-I almost kissed you too. And, just so you know, I wasn't lying then. The flowers looked really really good on you." 

"That's good to hear," she admits as she leans in closer, her lips brushing his so lightly it's almost a caress, "I kept them, after all."

Nothing more is said as Chris closes the distance between them again to kiss her, and even though she knows that they really should get back downstairs, she doesn't try to stop it.

They have a long six years to make up for after all.

[ghostmartyr]

So if you, like me, have nothing to do but wonder about the state of my inbox, you might rightfully be wondering how I plan to deal with the obscene backlog I have spent so many years failing to deal with.

If you have never wondered that, fear not, that doesn’t exclude you from finding out.

Today we’re just going to go through my entire slew of unanswered asks, and instead of answering them, I am going to provide excuses for why I didn’t do anything with them.

For added fun, several of the asks were in my Drafts.

I will not be cutting out the comments I started to make.

I will no doubt regret this.

Let’s have a time, shall we?

I don’t even know what year this is from. If I remember correctly, I didn’t get back to you because I thought about trying to reason out who would legitimately win, and there were too many points for both sides. I kept intending to come up with a proper answer, then time went by and this got buried.

Though the actual answer is probably “it depends on who gets the main character sticker at the time.”

...

..

.

Well.

I can tell you this is multiple years old.

We, as humans, aren’t equipped for time travel.

I didn’t answer this one because I didn’t feel like it was asking for one, and I’m only reproducing it here because it is really, really funny now.

Two years old. Plus change.

I think the entire reason I never replied to this one is that it cheered me up whenever I scrolled down enough to see it, so thank you.

You know, I entered the link at the time. Really, I did. But then came trying to come up with a comment and what can you really follow that with?

(Click the link.)

Okay then.

I still feel no need to respond to this, so that’s probably why I didn’t to start with.

Historia and literally anyone.

I don’t remember why I didn’t answer this, which usually means some combination of feeling tired and not being in the mood to scroll down to where it was.

Oops.

The thing is, this crosses dangerously close to being a fic idea. Fic ideas take time and effort. You can imagine the absolute dread I felt at having to engage with either concept.

It would have been a lot of fun to do, though. Hats off.

See, again. This is a very interesting concept that requires thought. I can tell you when I received it I was in no mood for anything that required anything of the sort.

I wrote a fic that is possibly never going to see the light of day now where they hang out in a kitchen with hot chocolate together and bond through unstated trauma and Frieda attempting to make things better.

That probably contributed to interfering with imagining how they would actually get along.

Anyway, I ship them slightly in that fic AU. Don’t @ me.

Oh dang. I remember this.

I actually really wanted to answer it, but the problem is that I wanted to come up with a good answer. Every character, tiered by their chances. A full Hunger Games edition of what went down and who killed who.

Then I didn’t.

Anyway, turns out the answer is that no one feels the need to chop of rocking chairs in a hurry, so she’d last a long time!

I didn’t answer this because I try to avoid responding with, “I don’t know.” My secondary answer would probably have been, “By being killed.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with those answers, but unless there’s been a tonal trend in asks, I assume that pithy answers that don’t actually have any meat behind them would not be appreciated.

I would stick to him probably being killed, though. But some signs do point to him being relatively immortal.

Hm.

Hmm.

I don’t know why I didn’t answer this, but I would guess it had something to do with me caring very little about Ymir’s thoughts on anything outside of her little clutch of people. And ongoing trauma of repeated dead/alive Ymir commentary killing off my desire to come up with a good answer.

Sorry?

I... have no idea why I didn’t answer this? Maybe I didn’t see it?

Anyway, yes.

There’s a longer version behind that yes, and I’m sure that might have contributed to never getting around to answering this. ...Assuming a past where I did actually see this one.

I have a confession.

I don’t really like crossovers.

There’s a sliding scale of degree, but that’s basically why this didn’t get a response.

Ah, we’ve landed on a recurring theme.

Sometimes, answers involve me thinking about the entire cast.

The usual consequence of that is I don’t have the energy for that, so nothing ever happens with these.

Oh, this one’s easy.

I had no fucking clue.

No ideas, head empty.

That didn’t seem like a good answer, so here we are, probably around a year later. I still have no clue. If I were forced to write a singing duo AU, I would probably just put some adjectives and nouns into a blender and flip a coin.

Names are hard.

I think I didn’t answer this one because I felt like I’d answered similar asks before. And I’m not really sure when this is from, but it’s possible canon complicated coming up with an answer that wasn’t distressed screeching.

Something something give Connie and Mikasa hugs, not partial about where they get them from.

Apparently not. Oops.

I can’t remember why I didn’t respond to this one. It’s possible the oodles of bad parenting proved too distracting to formulate such a post.

Sometimes I get an ask, and my immediate, gut reaction is, how the fuck should I know?

If I can move past that, the ask is answered.

If I can’t, the ask continues its descent through scroll hell.

I am sorry. There are no answers here.

Yeah, this is just the same as the above, just with I have no idea.

It’d probably be a Madoka Magic deal.

Huh. I don’t remember passing this one over. If I were to guess a timeline, I was probably too bitter over potential post-timeskip looks that I never got to be interested in focusing on the characters lucky enough to get good ones.

Go Connie for being less short, I suppose.

This clearly belonged to something that I was doing, but time has eroded the context, so I am simply left with failure and disappointment on all sides. Sorry.

Aw, we’re getting into the boring part of the inbox now, I think. Not because of the questions; you guys are always great. But I can’t think of a reason why I wouldn’t have answered this, which leads me to think that the reason was I was too tired to put words together.

That’s a boring reason, so maybe I should go into Drafts for the next few...

Yeah, still unfairly prejudiced against crossovers. I am no fun, etc. etc.

I have no memory of it, but I feel like I didn’t answer this because there was no way I could match this kindly anon’s enthusiasm.

You go, random internet person.

You have good ideas.

Oh no.

Uh.

See.

I know exactly why I didn’t answer this one.

I am so sorry, Anon.

I really didn’t care.

I am filled with affection for you because you clearly do, but uh.

...I basically put this on Read.

This has a very simple, ie boring, explanation. Any time someone asks about the cast as a whole, I want to think about the cast as a whole, and that takes a lot more thought than most of the asks I get. Cue putting it off. Cue it getting lost in scroll hell. On and on we go until we end up here.

Anything that opens with kilometers is something that requires more brain power than I have had in the past year.

Also I think I got this during a spoiler week, so I saw it, but I was trying not to look at it, and then it got lost in the post-chapter asks.

That happens a lot.

We might see it more soon.

If I can’t come up with words more than “-shrug-” I try not to answer.

...Good news, though!

The manga did my job for me!

I feel like I answered some variation of this. That might be why I didn’t answer this specific one.

The wiki does a better job keeping track of the timeline than I ever have. I probably didn’t answer this because it would involve trying to remember which volume actually name-dropped a number of weeks or months. Searching for lines I know a character said is pretty easy, but searching out lines I have a vague feeling of someone providing? That tends to hit the frustration button with the force of a truck.

But yeah, if you ever want to know how long something took, the wiki is absolutely your friend. They do good work.

Consider: “What if” questions are hard, and I am lazy.

This is actually one I really did mean to get to, sorry. It’s an interesting thought, and I miss Sasha.

...I clearly did a magnificent job answering your asks, friend.

Prediction asks are hard for me; I feel like I’m throwing darts randomly into the air and the dartboard is still deciding if it’s going to show up. So uh. I guess I just kept putting this off until it didn’t get answered.

This post is going to have so many apologies. Implied and otherwise.

I continue to be the No Fun Police who accidentally-on-purpose avoids crossover commentary.

I feel like I didn’t answer this one entirely because seeing it in my inbox gave me far too much joy to have it lost in a sea of posts.

This is what my inbox was made for.

I have no idea when this was from, but I see your emotions and appreciate them, Anon.

...Did I not see this one?

Hey, Anon who probably doesn’t remember sending this: This is a good ask and deserved some good attention, and I’m sorry I missed my shot at it. Good thoughts.

I didn’t answer this one entirely because I knew I couldn’t match the energy of it, and responding with anything less felt heretical.

That is one hell of a mood, Anon.

This is definitely from the era of, “Can’t think, brain empty.” Sorry about not getting back to you, I just really couldn’t organize my thoughts well enough to come up with an answer.

I feel like I didn’t know what this was continuing from and was too exhausted to ask.

LOOK YOU CAN SEE I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS BECAUSE IT’S A DRAFT.

Too many things, Anon.

I liked so many things about all of that. Trying to turn that enthusiasm into words wasn’t agreeing with me, so I put it in Drafts and told myself one day I’d do the most awesome post detailing everything.

Intentions, huh?

Every time I tried to take a normal screenshot with formatting Tumblr just laughed at me, so that might have been a contributing factor.

Dang, I’m really sorry. This is another one of those cases where I wanted to take my time with a response, and I took too long.

I, uh.

Am guilty of not being too interested in pondering Ymir’s thoughts on Levi or Erwin.

That’s it, that’s the explanation.

Yeah, I just couldn’t come up with an answer here? Or someone else asked? Or several of my friends decided to be annoying about lists on Discord? I don’t even know.

Presumably there could be a list.

There is not.

Honestly, I just couldn’t figure out how to follow that starting sentence up. A thought exercise on Armin, Historia, gender, and themes sounded really interesting, and I put it in Drafts so as not to forget it being interesting.

Then, you know. This post sort of paints the picture.

Ah.

Man, I really was looking forward to putting some proper thought into this. That’s the problem with having so many things I love in one place, I guess. Symbolism? Historia and Ymir? Mikasa? So many good things! Where do I start!

With paralyzing indecision that results in not a lot. Sorry, Anon. This really did light up my day when I got it.

Here’s the thing about me and writing:

I often fail to.

(I love both these ideas, though.)

Yes.

Do I know why I didn’t get around to answering this?

Absolutely not.

But yes, I’d agree with that.

GOOD NEWS!

The manga actually gave us some of them together in the future.

I occasionally giggled over their shared distaste.

It was a good time.

And this is another one I just do not know why I didn’t answer, whoops.

This never got answered because I couldn’t come up with an answer.

Broad questions are scary because they can go just about anywhere and I didn’t know how to handle that level of commitment.

I think I didn’t answer this one, A), because words are hard, and B), because mostly I just wanted to listen to more of your wondering and less of mine.

I probably could have answered this by saying I don’t have any, but that seemed rude, so I didn’t respond to it at all.

Yep.

Frieda is worthy of my time and effort.

Landing this in Drafts instead of my inbox.

Where the lighting makes it more obvious that hope has gone there to die.

I think about it so much too.

I find the answers fundamentally upsetting.

That is probably why I did not provide an answer here.

That is a lot of kids to make up headcanons for.

So I didn’t.

She’s eaten by dogs before she develops a personality.

Since that seemed like the wrong thing to say, I said nothing, and into Drafts this went.

‘I have no earthly clue’ seemed similarly unhelpful.

At this point, we understand that there is no mystery to my backlog.

This one hurts.

-sees the 112 reference-

Wow does it hurt.

As I hope is obvious, I really, really loved this question, and kept meaning to carve out time to work on it specifically. What went sideways was trying to put words to how EMA functions. I knew the feel of what I wanted to express, but every time I tried to write it, it came out wonky.

I’m very sorry I couldn’t do anything for this, because I was thrilled to spend time with it.

I didn’t answer this because Fuck Marley.

It’s nothing against you. At the time, I simply wasn’t in any mood to consider any version of Marley. Even the canon version was too much for me, so giving it my time in a roleswap AU had me hissing.

Roleswaps in general are amazing, and I love them a lot. A dedicated person could make a fantastic one based around Marley and Paradis. I think it would probably be cool af.

But I was so tired of Marley when I got this, I just couldn’t make myself think about it. Sorry. It’s a fun idea.

I didn’t answer this one because I kept trying to extend my response past, “I think he just really likes baseball.”

I think he just really likes baseball.

My feelings on that as a quality answer are derogatory.

Mm. The ones where I actually tried to get something started hurts.

Ultimately, this ask was a larger demand than I could make my brain work through at the time. I made sure to write down the tl;dr version of Sasha’s, because I found that desperately important, and not something that people talk about much, but the additional weight of trying to think of themes for multiple characters made it hard to progress.

Me, looking at the prompts: Hi my brain left me.

Sorry, Anon. Too many gears were moving for me to get a proper feel for what I wanted to do with this one, so I ended up ditching it. ...I was planning to finish it, though. Eventually. See, I even put the quote in the Draft version as a reminder of what I was doing, so I could get back to it right away.

Yeeeeah, this is just one more to the “I will give this wonderful thing all the time it deserves!” pile.

The pile is stored in the Failure Corner.

Perfectionism is the enemy of progress.

You guys really like crossovers.

I love that for you.

-spends two years ignoring you-

I mean, I just didn’t know what to do with the rainbows.

They sure are there.

They sure are pretty.

I sure couldn’t come up with a comment to add.

...I don’t know why I didn’t answer this. Possibly because I think it’s fine? I’m not too attached to it, and spent the whole manga period wanting to watch an anime version instead, then we got an anime version.

I’d guess that my general “meh” feelings interfered with responding here.

No idea why I didn’t answer this.

Yes, and good for you.

I support all thoughts on giving the Reiss kiddos personalities.

I think I didn’t get back to you on this because I wasn’t sure how to encourage you to keep going so I just sat awkwardly on my hands and felt weird about not saying anything.

...Thanks for sharing!

I love how it’s the little things that date these.

Unfortunately, we’re now at the point where 90% of the reason I didn’t answer was because I was too sick to muster up anything approaching enthusiasm.

Or because I’d just finished answering a bunch of chapter-specific things and was burnt out.

This felt pretty self-explanatory to me, so I felt like that gave me permission to ignore it.

Also, it mentions Marley.

I might be slightly petty.

Really though, I think what stopped me from giving a proper answer is that the question of what an author is trying to say throws me off a little. I work better thinking of it in terms of what the story is saying, with the author just happening to be the hands that wrote it all down.

I don’t know. This was probably another case of feeling like I should give this more of my time than I was able.

I couldn’t decide.

That’s it.

That’s the reason.

Everyone needs to give Mikasa a hug.

My blog title for a hug.

-the crossover snake hisses and consumes another-

I am so sorry.

This is fun.

I probably should have just gone with posting and saying so, because I am genuinely charmed by this. I tend to feel like I have to add something to asks to justify the post. That policy maybe didn’t need to be a thing.

I love my anons.

I want that to be clear.

Really, I do.

I especially love their willingness to embrace my crackpot logic.

Still.

Sometimes, the only response one can have to Schrodinger’s Ymir is to ignore its existence, find a pillow, and scream into it for the rest of time.

This replaces typing.

-looks at Armin-

-looks at Eren-

Yeah, don’t know why I didn’t answer this one, either. I blame tiredness? Sorry about that.

I feel like I didn’t answer this one because it felt like work.

This is where I start considering that making this post was a mistake.

I could have just agreed with you and gone about my day.

Probably should have.

Did not.

Another one for that, “had nothing to add so I just left it in a corner, abandoned and unloved,” pile.

There is an apology section at the end, but we’re not there yet.

This one I don’t think I noticed.

Alternatively, I did notice, and wasn’t sure “Yes,” would pass as a good enough answer.

--------------------------------------

Okay, time to really just get into it: I think for the remainder of my inbox, I didn’t answer because physically, I was just too damn exhausted, and I kept waiting for a point in time where I’d feel better. Sorry to put a limit on the personalization, but in the end, that’s all there was to it, and rephrasing it a dozen times will make me crazy.

And here we are.

Well.

Good grief, do you guys even have any clue how much I like all of you?

Obviously there’s a lot of guilt in the above, because I can’t tell you how much I wanted, each time, to give a great answer that would make you thrilled you messaged me. I am so sorry to all of these I didn’t get to. There were days when the alerts in my inbox were the best thing to happen to me, and I never wanted to let any of them go without acknowledgment.

I try to say thank you as often as I can in my responses, because that’s as close as I can get to reminding you all, constantly, that I am grateful for your participation. The only times I don’t say it is when I worry that it’ll look like it’s being done out of habit, not genuine gratitude. Or when I think you might take it the wrong way if I say thanks for a basic conversation. Because you provide me content and make me interested in things I might not normally look twice at.

There are so many instances of people saying hi, and thank you, and wishing everyone well here.

I haven’t been active in the larger fandom in two years, but I have always been so happy that you guys kept dropping by my space anyway.

You are a pleasure and light in my life, no matter how much snark I might throw about.

Thank you all.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[darawonplease]

trauma. ch9 – wrong judgment.

Dara and Jiwon are ordered to spend more time together by YG sajang-nim himself. Jiwon finally learns the truth about that night.

chapter 9 - wrong judgment.

a.n. I feel bad making the characters go through such hardships and drama, I know you all want them to be happy (together or not). I initially thought of this series to have a k-drama tone to it, it might get frustrating, but I promise you I’ll try to be more light-handed and give more space for them to shine so that we can actually root for them.

[3 days before the script read-through]

「Dara's POV」

I took a sip from the cup of tea, maybe I was hoping to escape from Chae’s questions, truth was I was too embarrassed to explain the whole situation to her. How could I when I just couldn’t make sense out of it myself?

She lived at 500 thousand miles of distance from me, but her boiling rage could be felt through the cluster of pixels of our unstable videocall.

.

“Just explain it to me so that I can understand it right, he literally said you tricked him into going out? Is he out of his mind? What a lunatic bastard!”, Chae nervously pet Pudding In an attempt to calm her nerves but the poor cat didn’t seem to be interested in that sudden display of affection, eager to be left on the floor.

I left the reg mug on the countertop as I whined at my phone, “I don’t know Chaerin-ah~ He literally said I did all of ‘that’ just to go with him”,

“What does he mean by ‘that’ anyways? Did you ask for explanations?”.

“I meant to ask him but we were interrupted by his manager and despite that… I don’t dare to ask him anything at this point!”.

“Unnie, you shouldn’t receive accusation without defending yourself! As if you forced him to go out with you! The nerve to accuse you like that! I told you, men only give headaches!”.

“He really looked disappointed tho…”.

“Stop defending him, you should start defending your feelings, first that selfish idiot of ji, then that opportunistic actor and now this compulsive liar of Jiwon oppa? You seem to attract bad men only”, she concluded.

.

[…]

.

“I told you, I predicted Jiwon oppa’s love-life will be troublesome as he’s always surrounded by women! Better stay away from men like that*”. Narae commented as she checked the colorful design the nail tech was executing.

(* //On an old tv program, an 18y/o Narae, pretended to be a shaman and predicted Eun Jiwon to always be surrounded by women, making his love life messy and troublesome.)

I glanced at the selca we shot at the tent bar, I just couldn’t take my eyes off from his eye-smile and his slightly flushed cheeks. He usually carried around a brooding look, that’s why the cheeky smirk on his face felt so much unlike him. Perhaps, that’s how the real Jiwon looked. Well, how could I know anyway? I knew nothing of him.

It seemed as if I had told him everything of me and yet, I really knew nothing of him outside his career. Our relationship was one-sided from the very start.

(//refer to chapter 3)

.

“I preferred it when you didn’t even look my way”, I sighed.

For once, I thought I became mature when it came to love. For once I knew what was better for me, I knew I had to keep distances, admiring him from afar to avoid hurting myself, not to ruin the perfect image I had of him. Just like a majestic fire, I got too close and got burned.

I almost surrendered at the thought, “He must really hate me right now, doesn’t he? Was I a fool for believing there was something between the two of us?”.

Some part of me didn’t want to blame him although his scenario didn’t look any different from the disappointing ones I had experienced before. He seemed different, but then again, the other all seemed different when I first met them. “Stupid me! How come I fell for that again!”.

I finally understood that I had to give up all my feelings for him at once to protect my heart. I had to go back to admiring him as a junior. No fantasising, no assuming.

How I wished I could’ve avoided him just enough to heal my broken heart, yet he kept appearing in front of me.

Why was fate so cruel to me?

「End of  POV」

.

[…]

.

[The day after the script read-through]

.

“Come on Hyung, I promised the others you’d come”, Mino whined on the phone, working his best aegyo against an uninterested Jiwon on the other side of the line.

“Is Seungyoon-ie coming?”, he sighed before asking.

“I told you, all members are coming, we’re going to eat barbeque right after-…I’ll pay”.

Jiwon had planned a long session of World of Warcraft for the night, but his favorite junior’s insistencies and a good free meal were good enough for a change of plan.

“Send me the address”, he surrendered before closing the call.

.

.

Jiwon lazily sat beside Mino once arrived at the Karaoke place, immediately resting his tired body on the red cushions.

“Oh no”, the hoobae thought to himself at the sight of Jiwon’s eyelids slightly closing.

“Hyung, choose something to sing while we wait for Seungyoon-ie!”, Mino quickly shoved the music book on Jiwon’s lap, he perfectly knew that he’d be capable of sleeping right there and then and there was no way in hell all four members of Winner wanted to lift his dead-weight again out of the room.

“Hi guys!”, a female voice could be heard from behind his back.

“This can’t be it”, Jiwon cursed Mino with his eyes.

“Dara unnie! You finally came!”, Jinu exhorted as he made his way to go hug her.

“I’m going”, Jiwon immediately stood up only to be stopped by Hoon’s arm, “You just got here Hyung! Where are you going?”.

He silently sighed and sat down again,“Why didn’t you tell me she was coming too?”, Jiwon lightly slapped Mino’s arm with the back of his hand to catch his attention. He wasn’t ready to face her, not when he had such mixed feelings in her regards.

Mino tilted his head, “Eh? Why? Is anything wrong?”.

“No, nothing”, Jiwon’s expression was gloomier than ever.

He secretly threw a glance at her. She looked melancholic, no matter how much she tried to conceal it around Winner.

“Dara Nuna? Is everything ok? Why the pouty face?”, Jinu didn’t take long to actually notice, he wasn’t her cherished dongsaeng for no reason.

“Huh? Did YG sajang-nim scold you?”.

“N-no it’s nothing like that, I’m okay, I swear you guys! Come on let’s sing”.

Jiwon glanced at her for a second too long,  she sure sucked at concealing her true feelings.

.

[…]

.

[Jiwon’s solo mv shooting – DAY1]

.

“You clearly told me about your feelings the other day, since we’re professionals let’s just pretend it never happened and get it over with. I won’t bother you anymore so don’t get in my way either”.

The coldness in her tone took Jiwon by surprise, there was something different about her that day. It seemed as if he could see his own self reflected onto her. Cold, unreachable, stoic. Being on the receiving end sure felt hurtful.

How could such a phrase be told by her gentle cherry pink lips? The melancholic expression he had seen on her at the karaoke room completely vanished, replaced by an emotionless glance that somehow felt aggressive.  

“Sure”, he pierced her through with the same energy but that didn’t seem to faze her at all.

.

.

“CUT! That didn’t seem right, let’s do it again!”.

The stylist hurriedly fixed their hair before disappearing behind the film director.

“Ok, now get closer, slowly!”.

Jiwon cupped Dara’s cheek, shifting his weight on his right hand as he carefully descended into the velvety couch she was laying on. Their eyes met for a few seconds before Dara panicked, scattering her attention anywhere but on Jiwon.

.

“CUT!”, film director Kim yelled.

The managers looked at each other, concerned by the grim expression on Mr. Kim’s face.

“This is no good, why can’t I feel the chemistry between the two leads? When you interact, I feel uncomfortable too!”.

“I apologize, Director Kim! I’ll try harder!”, Dara quickly bowed with her head.

“Let’s switch to the individual shots, quicky!”.

.

[...]

.

Director Kim trapped the managers in an empty spot of the set.

“Dohyun-ssi, Wonjun-ssi, I’ve called you here because I think we made a mistake casting Miss Sandara for the female role, I thought Mr. Yang chose her because of their strong affinity but it just feels like they’re worse than enemies on screen! This won’t work, we need to recast someone else, I won’t put up with this again!”.

“Mr. Kim, I wish I could avoid putting you in an uncomfortable spot but… please look at this”, Dohyun raised his phone, showing the main Naver page, his gaze purposely avoiding the director’s.

“Sandara Park confirmed an appearance on Eun Jiwon’s solo M/V”

“Huh? This is not good, this is terrible! I need have a serious talk with Mr. Yang!”.

.

[…]

.

「Dara's POV」

I couldn’t believe YG Sajang-nim actually convoked me to the 7th floor with him.

I glimpsed at President Yang: the moment he adjusted his old gray cap right after crossing his legs I knew I would be nagged at.

.

“Dara-yah, I thought you were excited to finally work with Jiwon, then why did the director have to complain to me?”.  

“I’m sorry president, I’ll try my best”.

“What’s the problem? You don’t like each other? Why are you seated so far apart from one another?”.

.

maybe because he makes every cell in my body uncomfortable, but I can’t really say that aloud, can I?

.

We exchanged guilty looks and proceeded to silently scoot a bit towards the center of the long sofa that ran through the CEO’s office.

“The scenes looked fine to me though”. Jiwon interjected, scratching the back of his head as he leaned back onto the seat.

“Fine is not enough. If we want this promotion to work it’ll need to look like you two are very close, that’s why I decided to take action with your respective managers”.

.

Dohyun rarely had me wondering about his whereabouts, lately he had been fixing my schedule without informing me, that’s how he agreed to my appearance in Jiwon’s MV without my approval.

-

I nervously started fidgeting, “What do you mean by that President Yang?”.

“They’ll arrange you to participate on the same shows so that you’ll have the time to know one another, become comfortable and also make some public appearance, the shows will air right before and right after the release of Jiwon’s solo album, to increase the public’s interest”.

“I-is that really necessary Mr. President?”, he objected.

.

as if I wanted to spend any more time with you, Mr. Precious.

.

“It wouldn’t have been if you had worked harder on your affinity on screen, but you two left me no choice, It’s decided”.

.

And at that moment I realized, I was done for.

「End of POV」

.

[…]

.

[The day of Sechskies’ concert]

.

“Dara-yah! I didn’t know you came, why didn’t you tell me?”. Suwon immediately sprinted towards the disguised Sandara, the white mask covered her features well and yet- you could really tell her identity because of her unique timid demeanour.

“She’s here too? When will she stop appearing before my very eyes? This is becoming ridiculous”, Jiwon thought as he rolled his eyes away from her image reflected on the mirror right in front of him.

“Was she forced to come here too because the CEO asked us to spend more time together?”. Jiwon couldn’t help but quietly huff alone at the hair-styling station while all the other members and staff were busy smothering Sandara with attention.

“This is the first time I pre-order a ticket by myself, I wasn’t sure how it worked so I waited to tell you, in case the purchase didn’t go through”, she chuckled, slightly embarrassed at her own computer illiteracy.

.

“What? She did it by herself? No way”, Jiwon continued to silently judge her.

.

“Why haven’t you contacted me? The staff would’ve provided you with a VIP ticket for free”, Suwon pointed out after helping her carry a basket to the glass tabletop in the middle of the waiting room.

“It was difficult, but I really wanted to support Sechskies since it’s your last concert for the tour, and also- I’ve recently visited the Philippines, so I decided to bring you something to snack on!”.

.

“Does she ever stop smiling like that? Aren’t her cheeks sore?”, he unknowingly found himself scrutinizing her, all the attention was diverted onto her anyway, why bother ignoring her presence?

.

Dara readily informed the staff that the big basket of Filipino delicacies was there for them to enjoy and proceeded to distribute individual paper bags to each member.

“Here”, she extended her arms and offered one to Jiwon. He glared at her straight away, not averting his gaze for a second.

Her heart was about to jump out from her chest, “Why is he staring so intensely at me?”, she was not sure if that was meant to make her uneasy or was just his way of dealing with people.

“Here you go!”, she forced a smile and immediately dropped the bag in Jiwon’s hands.

.

“That’s very thoughtful of you Dara-yah, you’re the best!”, Jaeduck opened his own with anticipation, clearly moved by that simple considerate act.

Jaejin waved a yellow post-it he had just found and questioned: “Is this note supposed to be here?”.

“Oh- that! I figured a couple of encouraging words would be nice!”, she beamed warmly, making her eyes disappear in two cute half-moons.

Jiwon looked down and casually searched for the piece of paper in question amid the packets of chips and fruits, but failing to find it. His eyebrow twitched a little, why was he so bothered by it? Not that he should really care about a stupid note. But why did everyone receive one but him? Was she being petty out of revenge?

.

Suwon proceeded to attentively read his: “Mine says ‘Thank you for being such a good friend, you improved a lot Suwon-Oppa, fighting!’ ”

“Oh no- don’t read it out loud! It’s embarrassing-… I’ll get going then”.

“I’ll escort you”, Jiwon suddenly stood up and closely followed behind her with a couple of pink hair rollers still attached to his black hair.

.

An awkward silence wrapped the two of them as they silently walked beside one another through the venue hallways.

“You were the one who told me to get it over with. So why are you being so petty to act in such a childish way?”, he stopped in his tracks.

“Did you accompany me just to say this?”. Dara turned around to face him, glaring at him like she never did with anybody else before, “I’m tired of being accused like this, I’m going”, she turned her back on him without hesitation and crossed the door.

.

“That woman is unbelievable”, a growl left Jiwon’s mouth as he angrily stomped back towards the waiting room.

“Oh- look hyung, there’s a sticky note attached to your sole”, Jaeduck pointed out as soon as Jiwon sat down at the styling station.

He lifted his shoe only to find the yellow post-it he was searching for.

.

[Jiwon Oppa fighting! Congrats on your solo debut, enjoy the snacks!]

.

He sighed at the sight of those supporting words. Why did she have to be so kind for? Perhaps he had a hard time accepting she was more mature than him, in fact, it seemed like he was the only one who didn’t “get over it” between the two of them.

.

No, she was the cunning woman who manipulated his friend into helping her orchestrate that date.

��Was she?”, he shook his head. Of course, she was. And yet, this time Jiwon was the one at fault. He had just accused her of something she didn’t do. He felt apologetic, but how could you ask forgiveness for something so irreparable? As he said, some things are better left in pieces or you’ll get hurt fixing them.

Wasn’t that exactly what he was hoping for? That annoying woman would definitely stop bothering him. And yet, he couldn’t accept it.

.

“Come on hyung~ I know you’re trying to keep it a secret, but you’re so obvious, why would you accompany her otherwise?”, Jaeduck interrupted his reflection, playfully nudging his leader to make him spill the beans.

“Suwon-ah, we need to talk”, Jiwon grabbed his member’s arm and dragged him along towards the next room.

.

.

“YOU BASTARD TRAITOR!”. Jiwon’s voice was so powerful that it could be heard through the thick wall separating the two waiting rooms.

“Do you think they’re doing fine hyung?”. Jaeduck tilted his head at Jaejin, slightly concerned for their dear maknae.

“It’s fine as long as we’re not involved”, the rapper chuckled calmly while Jiwon’s voice got louder and louder.

.

“J-jiwon hyung, you’re ruining my stage clothes…”, a droplet of sweat dribbled down Suwon’s forehead as Jiwon didn’t seem to release the grip on his collar any sooner.                                                                                             .

“How could you help her and set me up for that stupid date?!”.

.

(//Poor Suwon-…)

.

“H-help her? What are you talking about hyung?”.

“Just admit it, you bastard! We’ve known each other for 23 years old but you sold me to her!”

“Wait- are you talking about Sandara?”.

“I see you’ve stopped playing dumb Suwon”.

“I just told her to let you loosen up a bit! Why are you so mad for hyung?”, he protected his face with his arms as his last resource, ready to get beaten by the leader, “It’s not even me who sent that message, it was Jaeduck hyung!”. He didn’t hesitate to throw his hyung under the bus.

Jiwon’s fist dangerously got nearer to the maknae’s face.

“N-no Hyung! You must be mistaken, I never helped her go out with you!”, Suwon’s voice cracked under pressure.

.

[after a throughout and embarrassing explanation of the events leading to the misunderstanding…]

.

“How could you even believe we set you up Hyung?”.

“It’s not my fault I kept seeing you huddled up with Sandara at all times”, Jiwon protested, not even looking at him.

“I wasn’t huddled u—wait, have you been spying on us?”.

“I-it’s not like I was spying on you! You two were always in my way!”, the leader complained, scoffing at Suwon’s assumptions although they were in part true.

“You’ve become so diffident throughout the years Hyung, you always feel the need to push everyone away”, Suwon leaned on the wall behind him, a sudden sense of calm and wiseness possessing him, “She’s different, isn’t she?”, he continued.

.

(//Suwon dropping truth bombs is everything we ever wanted)

.

“What are you even talking about…?”, Jiwon nervously rebutted.

“You usually straighten things out with women, you’re upfront If you’re uninterested in them. With her? You even came up with a reason to despise her because you can’t accept the fact you actually like her”.

“L-like her?”, Jiwon was suddenly reminded of how intrusively her face kept appearing in his thoughts, “W-what the fuck are you even talking about?”, a weak murmur came out of his mouths, he was almost embarrassed by how non-confidently he was denying it.

“I’m sure you’ve been acting strange around her because of this”.

Suwon wasn’t wrong, he had been unkind to her, whether in his mind or verbally when she didn’t deserve any of that.

“You sure don’t know Sandara very well, she’s a good and honest person, just be kind to her from now on hyung”, he sighed.

“I-…”.

“Jiwon, Suwon? You’re on stage in 5 minutes!”.

.

[…]

.

「Dara's POV」

I hurriedly got back to my seat, careful to put my disguise on not to be recognized by the fans. I was a yellowkie that day.

The huge led cubes turned fiery red were accompanied by a suspenseful beat that slowly grew, just like the anticipation of the audience.

A figure appeared at the center of the rising platform, hidden by a thick cloud of smoke. My heart skipped a beat, it seemed as if I was catapulted back into the 90s, I wasn’t Sandara Park the celebrity anymore, I felt like the sensible teenager who squirmed at Sechskies’ posters in her room in the Philippines again.

The crescendo stopped, the roaring of the crowd making itself heard. I held my breath for a second until the opening song started.

My place was among the crowd, cheering him from afar. Not on stage with him.

.

♪  I’m dizzy, I’m spinning I wanna close my eyes now I’m dizzy, I’m spinning I’m getting vertigo from thinking about you ♪

[Vertigo – SECHSKIES]

.

I jumped at the beat, waving the lightstick like crazy. If that was the energy I was consuming for the opening song, I wasn’t sure how could I survive the rest of the concert.

.

♪ Like the TV that’s turned off   We’ve ended   But I’m here   What am I waiting for? ♪

.

“We’ve ended, but I’m here. What am I waiting for…?”.

My pace slowed, why did I relate so much with the lyrics? I shook my head to get out all of those intruding thoughts. Why was my heart even acting up?

.

♪ I wanna run away but I’m at the same place every day   My head is about to break from thinking of you ♪

.

I wish there was a switch to turn it off. That wasn’t the right time to start thinking about him again, I just had to enjoy the show. I was there for SECHSKIES, not to feed my sadness over him.

I was left in awe, his energy was explosive. My eyes were naturally drawn to him, there was no point in denying his charisma. He was born to be a star.

.

How I wished I could stand on a stage again. Just wishful thinking. Seeing him perform with such infectious energy reminded me of why I wanted to become a singer in the first place.

Seeing Sechskies perform together made me feel hopeful; no matter how lost I felt. I secretly hoped I could find my own way only to go back to sing with 2NE1.

A small teardrop of joy fell from my eyes as I kept cheering on them.

.

[…]

.

“Dara-yah! Did you have fun?”, Jaeduck enthusiastically asked me as he held my hands.

“Lots of it! I felt like a teenager again~ ”.

Suwon wiped away the sweat on his neck and joined the conversation.

“You’re here! I still can’t believe you managed to make it to our last concert, thank you so much for the support”.

“We’re grabbing dinner with the staff, are you coming Dara-yah?”.

“I-…”, I looked at Jiwon from a distance and squirmed, “I’ll join you next time! I have a shooting tomorrow morning”. I dismissed myself and left after a round of farewells.

.

.

I stepped out of the elevator and caught a glimpse of my red car under the pouring rain. There it was my luck for that day. “If only I had grabbed my umbrella…”, I clutched the hoodie and pushed it onto my head, quickly accepting the idea I’d definitely get drenched wet. I sprinted towards the parking lot, careful to avoid all of the puddles in my way.

“Dara wait!”.

The sloshing sound of steps in the rain followed behind me as I slowly turned around towards the voice calling my name.

“Y-you…?”.

-

previous chapter.  ⋆  next chapter.  ⋆ masterlist.

[lumiereswig]

hey all so i just saw ‘hadestown’ and feel duty bound to tell you fools everything about it because i, too, remember what it is to be lonely and on the internet and too poor to see some snazzy broadway shit

there’s no fanfare or anything. the show opens with all the cast coming on—and obviously the audience is going buckwild, especially with amber gray. (u can tell there’s a lot of great comet fans in the audience.) only once everybody is settled does hermes really TAKE THE STAGE.

and boy does he take it. sassy lil shit knows he owns it and just stands there taking in his audience, before flipping his jacket back with dramatic flare (to show his SNAZZY-ASS SILVER THREADED VEST) and starting to sing. (cue noisy wah-wah trombone.)

the setting is p. clearly a bar; orpheus p. clearly works there. he’s like being artsy with the napkins and shit, blossoming them into roses. eurydice is a traveler; she carries with her, wrapped in brown silk, an alter candle that she lights. (after sassing hermes into giving her a match to light it with.) eurydice balances her candle with the paper rose orpheus later makes and gives to her.

orpheus is pretty childlike and dreaming in this version. (not the cocky boy from the off broadway production.) he comes off as kind of lanky and awkward and not quite there; naive is definitely a defining adjective for him. everything about him is soft and gentle and in a dreaming world.

eurydice is kind of a classic tough girl but she’s got a strand of helplessness to her. she puts on a show of not being impressed by orpheus until he sings her the song he’s working on, and manages to bring a rose into his palm.

environmental collapse is a HUGE theme thru this—bigger than i thought it would be. eurydice’s first lines are about how there’s no spring or autumn anymore; everything is winter or summer, too hot or cold to live. the fates sing of the winds—the fates sort of torment her throughout this—but climate change looms as a dread through the show. orpheus hopes his song will bring back summer, put the seasons back in tune.

anyway, everyone’s hanging out at a new orleans style bar. even hades and persephone are there, though above it all in a balcony of their own

did i mention bradley king is a god among lighting designers?

because that will come back a lot

anyway hermes is sort of an uncle figure to orpheus; he was friends with orpheus’s mother, a muse. as soon as orpheus sees eurydice he wants to talk to her, and hermes advices him not to ‘come on too strong’—

and well that plan goes immediately out the window : ‘come home with me!’ [eurydice: ’what?’]

orpheus is just intensely awkward. skinny pale child doesn’t know how to interact with the world

they have kind of an argumentative relationship from the start—they don’t face each other very often; there’s a push and pull as he longs for her and she, kneejerk tough girl, tries not to go for this. but the rose from his palm enchants her, and she holds on to it. ‘you have to finish your song.’

GODDDD AMBER GRAY IS JUST LIIIIIIIFE. her persephone is a total lush and frequently staggers through act 1. she also has a fabulous white coat that gradients to green at the sleeves. when she dances you can’t tell if she’s about to pass out or float up to the ceiling.

when orpheus gives the toast he’s just so awkward it’s appalling

(and everyone toasts except eurydice)

hades wears sunglasses when he comes to the world above to bring persephone back to the world below. he descends from his balcony to get her, and brings her to the center of the stage—and then, oh, SHIT, there’s a fucking perfect round trap door right where they’re standing, and they descend below. (amber gray looking up to the slowly disappearing sky with the face of a martyr who’s used to the gig.)

winter’s hard. eurydice has to bust back out her old ass coat (instead of the winsome black slip thing and brown vest thing she was wearing), and the Fates, bitches as they be, try to fuckin rip it off her. (and succeed. the choreography looks like wind! also chairs and tables looked like they were floating earlier but i forgot to mention that.)

eurydice is trying to get ORPHEUS’S FUCKIN ATTENTION bout the fact they got no food and, uh, three bitchy old ladies dressed all in gray just took her coat, but he’s submerged in writing his song to bring back the weather. and while this is all going on, hades and persephone are having their age-old argument about how hell is too hot and too loud and IT AIN’T RIGHT, IT AIN’T NATURAL.

because, get this, after descending to hell they descended /back up/ into it, and u can tell cuz the lighting is fuckin genius. i’ll explain later except i won’t.

orpheus is just OUT OF IT and not hearing anything at all eurydice is tryin to fuckin say. (the tune keeps going wrong.) hades is sick of persephone not being with his electric shiny no-good shittiness and lays his eyes on eurydice as easy prey.

he puts on his sunglasses again and u know it’s bad news.

he talks her over and gives her her ‘ticket’—two silver coins that she momentarily holds up over her eyes as she looks at us, letting us know that this is some death imagery. she holds both hades’ coins and orpheus’s flower—and, making up her mind, calls out orpheus’s name one last time and descends into the underworld through that same miraculous trap.

and then, fuck me, the trap comes back up but just the red flower is on it. fuuuuuck meeeeeeee i may have wept.

orpheus finishes his damn song and hermes lets him know that hE FUCKED UP HIS WHOLE DAMN LIFE SHE GONE, BITCH, and orpheus sees the flower on the trap door and then he’s weeping, too.

and then we get to ‘wait for me’ and holy shit, y’all, i never been so fully into something in my life? it was so physically intoxicating i almost wanted to throw up. like, wonder as a liquid beverage. tHE LIGHTING? ? i fuckin felt awe on this earth today, i saw god and he’s lit by bradley king.

because! hades’ workers bring on these industrial metal lamps, and they hook them to the wires in the ceiling, and they SEND THEM SWINGING OUT INTO THE FUCKIGN AUDIENCE. they fuckin—they—they they they!—they fucking did! that! sent them swinging out in perfect rhythm and time, fully lit, swinging around orpheus and into the audience. and tHEN! THE FUCKIN SET! BEGINS TO GROW!!!

remember the first time u saw the nutcracker as a child and the growing christmas tree fuckin ripped ur world apart? it’s like that except times ten thousand

like it felt like. like the fuckin world was coming apart. the bar set is slowly ripping open and golden light is just searing into your eyeballs and the golden lamps are still swinging around orpheus and it literally felt like god had opened up a cold one and was just singing something horrible into being. it was wonder. i want to see it again.

like. stagecraft, babyyy

and u think act 1 will end on that because why would it nOT but no, we get ‘why we build the wall,’ which is a sort of chilling propoganda thing where everybody is facing forward and just telling back to hades whatever he’s yelling about, and persephone is there and i’m not sure why (like does she believe this? is she the unwilling consort? what’s the deal?)

and at the end eurydice comes in, and sort of picks up on the gestures everybody is doing—in that way everyone does when they come into a room and they want to vaguely pass as with it so they try to sync in to the general vibe. ‘uhh sure everyone’s waving their hands and talkin about walls so i guess i will too’, that kind of thing

hades shows her up to his office (the balcony door) to sign the papers. as soon as he’s gone, amber gray whips round to face the audience. ‘anybody want a drink?’

it’s intermission and i’m still trying to catch up on all the gasp-crying i started during ‘wait for me’

we also get an overpriced hadestown cup cuz get while the getting’s good, right?

back in act 2 and it’s our lady of the underground, ie amber gray in her exact outfit from above except instead of lurid green it’s savage black. (and instead of a bouncy curly brown wig it’s a black sparkly snood.) she dances and pivots and rivets her way through it, introducing the band, being winsome savage bite-your-face-off-and-offer-to-share-it-with-you amber gray. she’s got a neat little ring-shaped silver flask that hangs from her hand like a purse, and i want one.

eurydice emerges from the office dressed in the same overalls as the other workers—though she looks sexy af in them, ngl—and sings ‘flowers,’ and talks about how nobody down here looks at her, and how it’s like they don’t even see her. the underworld is not what she thought it would be. she wants to go home but can’t. she can’t remember orpheus’s name.

uNTIL HE SHOWS UP! Punk ass bitch made it, somehow, and stumbles onto the stage with guitar in hand. she knows his name immediately. but she can’t leave, because she signed her soul away.

u knew all this. it’s classic myth. did i mention patrick page as hades sounds like the combined harmonics of every rumbling truck on the george washington bridge every time he decides to sing?

orpheus has A Moment™ where it’s like, if this is what the world is, if people sign their names up for shit and i can’t save them, i guess i’ll just go home. but he talks himself out of it (apparently his magic vocal cords work on him, too), and actually talks himself (and the stone workers of the underworld!) into activism.

amber gray and patrick page share a duet i’ve never heard before, and it’s fine, and i think it still needs fine tuning cuz im not sure exactly how persephone feels about hades in this bit. it’s fine. what matters is that at the end of it, hades is FUCKED because rebellion is brewing.

he gets orpheus to sing his song. and holy shit, is it a doozy. holy shit, but were we all crying. hooooolyyy shiiiiiit.

holy shit.

when hades sings the refrain at the end, amber gray looks like she’s experiencing the most visceral, exquisite, heartfelt, heartbroken pain of her life. she literally bends as if she’s felt this pain in her stomach—this pain, this anguish over the song she hasn’t heard for so long from this one man she loved so well.

and when a rose blossoms from hades’s palm, persephone is both crying and laughing. it’s like the old times have bloomed again.

and then they dance.

also, should have mentioned earlier, it’s implied it’s not an og song orpheus is singing; he’s actually stumbled on an ancient one, perhaps one hades used to sing, and THAT’S why it’s so devastating—not just his talent and voice, but the memory of it, the memories it brings back. it’s an ancient song, almost a spell, that can heal the seasons.

hades and persephone hold each other close, nuzzling almost, and eurydice faces orpheus, and for a second u think it’s going to be ok because eurydice is so joyful and persephone and hades have healed. o & e  think they’re gonna leave. they think everybody can leave.

but nope, hades can’t have that. damned if he does, damned if he don’t—so he sets the test for orpheus, but u really get the sense that he’s not doing it from a sense of cruelty any more. it almost pains him to do this shit. but the rivet of steel in his character won’t let himself become king of nothing.

hermes presents the challenge: ‘ive got good news, and bad.’ orpheus keeps asking hermes if it’s a trick; hermes keeps saying it’s a test, a trial. (it’s really a TRAGEDY.)

persephone is wooed by the fact that hades even let them try.

ugh, doubt comes in is. devastating. every single person in the audience audibly gasped—u FELT the air leave the room—when he turned around. we all genuinely believed it would end differently this time. we thought it would. i knew it was coming and i still was DEVASTATED.

eurydice is, too. she started as the doubter, and she had so much BELIEF they were gonna get out of this. ‘it’s you—it’s me—’ she says. she’s already sinking through the trap. fuckin hell, they were on the last few steps. i’m still fuckin emotional about it

orpheus just crashes to the edge of the trap, staring down into the abyss. hermes is singing, softly, about how it’s an old song—it’s an old tale—it’s a tragedy. and then he roars—in a way that cheers me up—WE’RE GONNA SING IT AGAIN.

because that’s the power of it! it happened, it was horrible, but we’re going to SING about it—and maybe change the ending this time—the way orpheus tried to, when he sang his way to hades and sang his way to the stones. it’s the singing of the event that matters, that might matter.

and eurydice is back at the bar, wanting matches—orpheus is back at the bar, seeing her for the first time across the room—and the story goes on, like the seasons .fuckin incredible. everybody in the auditiorium now is tear-stained.

APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

lasted for like.....seven minutes?? it took ages and the actors were just soaking it up, looking exhausted, because DAMN it is exhausting to chart anguish and joy and victory and determination and love in two hours and 25 minutes

and then hermes shushes the house—because of course he does—and amber gray leads the final toast. it’s acoustic—it sounded to me like she wasn’t even using her microphone? it wasn’t brash at all, just raw—and a simple, honest, kind of homespun way to end the show. and it finally ended, and we cheered one last time, and then we went home sobbing and shaking and wanting to do the whole damn thing again

it was great and the stagecraft was some of the best i’ve ever seen and i’ve literally felt maybe only 3 productions like this, where this emotional shit is actually sitting in your lungs, and u should go, the end

[katkonstant]

Harrow the Ninth: Act 1 Analysis - Local Bone Lady Newly Single and Ready for Mental Breakdown

I am so scared! so confused! and so turned on by the sepulchered mystery of Harrow the Ninth’s Act 1! And because it’s quarantine time, it’s organizational mapping and near-obsessive theorizing time baby. 

I’ll warn you: this got LONG. 

Spoilers galore. 

This post is to try and organize my own thoughts as well as preserve in time that I don’t know shit when HTN finally hits. All to answer the big question: What in the necro-hell is going on? Here’s what we know as fact:

Gideon the Ninth was about Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Reverend Daughter and Badass Emo Princess, and her not hugged enough but grinning through the pain sword lesbian cavalier, Gideon Nav. A catalogue of their romp of death in Canaan House.

Harrow the Ninth is currently cataloguing two things: (1) Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Reverend Daughter and Mentally Unstable Concussion, and her cavalier, Ortus Nigenad and their guided tour of Canaan House. AND (2) Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Baby Lyctor, aboard His Imperial and Unending Magic School Bus.

Similar to @Siadea‘s wonderful post (x), I am all aboard the Timeline Fuckery Theory (TFT). Operating under the TFT, I will refer to our cast of characters accordingly. To summarize the TFT, the major point is thus:

In the prologue of Harrow, I think the Harrowhark of Gideon the Ninth (hereby Harrow1) settled in, swan dove into the River, somehow backstroked in time to when she woke up on the Emperor’s ship, and then she resurfaced (with Ianthe’s help), stripped of all memory&detection involving Keyword:Gideon. 

Gideon  [ORTUS]

It appears Harrow1 has programmed Harrow2 with a find+replace formula for ‘Gideon’ and replacing it with ‘Ortus’ on a pure, sensory input level. I have NO idea how she (or something else) did this. Prologue Ianthe Tridentarius telling Harrow, “I know what you’ve done, and I know how to reverse it” makes me think Harrow did this to herself. 

It scrubs the past as well as the present. Proof - (1) When Harrow2 gets the Emperor’s invitation to Canaan House, we gather from context that Ortus asks her if she’s considered someone else. Only we read it as Ortus saying, “have you considered ORTUS NIGENAD?” AND THEN THE SCENE STARTS OVER, but rewound to moments before. Like a glitch in the Matrix; (2) The Emperor’s lips distort when he says “Ortus Nigenad did not die for nothing” and is confused when Harrow2 says it back to him; (3) When the Emperor later says the name of the third Lyctor ‘Ortus’, Harrow2 starts bleeding from the ears and passes out.....We’ll get to him in a sec.

The three syllables Prologue Harrow dies on: Could be ‘Gideon’ and the mark of her successful mindflaying from recognizing the word. Could also be ‘Alecto’. Hell, could even be ‘Nigenad’. Inconclusive.

The Chilly Weirdo Harrow Has the Hots For (alternatively, who tf are you?)

The Lady of the Locked Tomb is appearing and disappearing in Harrow2′s mind, both at her recall of Canaan House and in her (current?) stay with the Emperor. 

She has Griddle’s Eyes. As we’re familiar with the lyctors, we know that when their cavs are “eaten”, necromancers’ eyes change to their cavalier’s colors. OR the Lady has simply taken on Griddle’s eyes to put Harrow2 at ease.

She has the voice of who Harrow2 needs to hear. We’ve heard the Lady sound like Pelleamena (Harrow’s mommy dearest), Crux, and Aiglamene (Captain of the Ninth guard). Both of these are people who loved Harrow1. 

These characteristics ^ lead me to believe that the Lady can see Harrow1′s obsession with her and is either Manipulating Harrow2 by manufacturing her voice and eyes, or is genuinely trying to love Harrow2 in return. (She may have been present for Harrow’s entire life. See my Ch.3**)

What does she want from Harrow2? --> I think, without support or proof, that the Lady wants to Rise Again (as villains entombed are wont to do). As she doesn’t have a corporeal form, she’ll likely need Harrow’s help. Underlying idea being: the Emperor dies when his Unholy Other Half returns. It would be a little contrived to have the “beautiful lady revealed to be the big bad” device be the GTN and the HTN twist but we’ll see. 

Interesting point: The Lady doesn’t like His Holy Frumpyness & Co. “Lie. Lie now.” She’s either protecting herself further down the line, or the Lady thinks that Mercy would have harmed Harrow2 because of this info. It’s possible this is the same interest if she needs Harrow’s help to free her. 

Now Let’s Talk about Swords

AKA the sexiest part of this dissertation. 

Harrow the Concussed is carrying Griddle’s Two hander. Not just any two hander. It is in fact and distinctly, Griddle’s sword. This is supported by (1) Harrow2 was given the sword by the Emperor “as a gesture” implying he knows Griddle and the sword’s significance to Harrow1. And (2) The severe physical reactions Harrow2 has to the sword’s loathing. In GTN Harrow1 mentioned to Griddle, “I have always felt like that sword hates me”. (this in and of itself is mystifying but I’ve got bigger occult fish to fry)

Either Griddle’s Sword or Cytherea is alive. The fade to black of Harrow rekilling Cytherea is a mystery within a Christmas light tangle of other mysteries and I’m not fucking with it. BUT. There are Five lifeforms aboard the ship that traversed the River: Mercymorn, the Emperor, Ianthe, and Harrow. Harrow2 tells us that the Body/the Lady isn’t in sight. That leaves inanimate objects: Cytherea’s body, or the two hander that hates Harrow. 

Harrow2, the Concussed, is not carrying a rapier. Only in the Prologue does Harrow have a rapier on her hip. Ortus the Alternate cav carries a rapier. See the next theory for why this is significant. 

The Events of Canaan House Two are Not Real. 

These are my weakest theories. They’re all weak, but these ones are chief weaklings. The Time Fuckery Theory’s biggest snag is ‘Canaan House: What’s Real?’, and I think only the events with Harrow2 on the ship with Ianthe are actually occurring. 

I think someone is soul/spirit guiding Harrow2 on this Canaan House Round II to show her something. Proof: (1) The repeated “Is this how it happened?”/”This isn’t how it happened.” Clearly indicate that this IS a repeated experience for Harrow, and not the original. (2) Ortus glitches a bit, looks at Harrow2 and says “You never did have much of an imagination.” Someone who knows Harrow1 made him say this. I think. (3) If we count who possibly could spirit-guide Harrow2 on this quest, we have to find the denominator candidates: the only people who knew Harrow1 at Canaan House and at Drearburh are Gideon, and Harrow1 herself. And - if the Lady really has been following her around, the Lady of the Locked Tomb. (4) This theory cannot account for the strobing red egg hallucinations on paper Harrow2 is being delivered. 

Second explanation: it’s all happening in Harrow’s head, and Harrow1 is the spirit guide. In support: There is a surprising amount of explanation and character depth from Ortus. I believe Harrow1 knows Ortus enough from childhood to be able to project him onto Harrow2 this way. 

Third explanation: Because the people Harrow2 is interacting with are all dead, it’s microscopically possible Harrow2 is tripping some soul-shrooms in the River and having the souls of Canaan House teach her something via flashback. In support: Prologue Harrow says five pairs of eyes close to submerge into the River, but hers would not open again. Incredibly vague, but could mean she was going to be spending a significant amount of time in the River. This theory is unlikely, as Harrow is a bone adept. Souls are squishy and freaky to her. Unlikely also from what we saw of the River. Ie; the River is an inhospitable predator which ripped Cassiopea apart and scares the hell out of Mercy and the Emperor. Not an ideal destination spirit-walk vacation spot. Plus, the only clear reasoning we get from Harrow about why she’s descending into the River is because she knows she’s going to die (although she tells Ianthe she has no plans to die)

Things to Note: (1) Teacher immediately spills the Sleeper beans, lets the laboratory cat out of the bag, and unmasks the key mystery. I think who/whatever is guiding Harrow2 around makes this happen legitimately just to save time. (2) Harrow2 is learning things from Ortus, Teacher, Abigail Pent, etc that Harrow1 and Gideon didn’t know.

If the Events of Canaan House Round Two ARE Real. 

If the Great Value Canaan House timeline is actually happening and are physically influential, the implications are fucking vast, because now we’re considering the multiverse of how time works. I am not about to get into that shit because I do (contrary to this post’s existence’s suggestion) have a life, and I don’t feel like rededicating it to the theory of relativity and time dilation. 

The biggest question though would then become: How would events have unfolded if Ortus had gone to Canaan House and not Griddle? The only conclusion to that is: everyone would be dead and Cytherea would be alive. Which does not jive with the happenings of Emperor Frizzle’s Magic NecroBus and Harrow2 (many are alive, and Cytherea is dead). It could be that Cytherea is, in fact, alive and needs re-killing via the Act 1 end of Harrow2 stabbing her. I can’t say.

What does freak me out about Canaan2 is Harrow herself. 

Not her insanity, mind you, but the fact that Harrow2 is hilarious. She’s always been acidic and funny, but Harrow2 is crude and funny. This is very, very bad. She makes a remark about the term ‘bone frenzy’ that Ortus says only someone who’d prefer ‘prurient magazines’ would think of. Can anyone guess who might be more incline than Harrow to prefer prurient magazines? Say a messy sword necrolesbian with a subscription to Frontline Titties of the Fifth?

Harrow2 is also not chasing Palamedes Sextus around the grounds of Canaan House in a near-suicidal race to Lyctorhood. 

Not only is she not working herself to death, but Harrow is doing the opposite: she is socializing. With the Fourth and Fifth! She’s caustic and rude while she does it, but she’s still spending time around them for whatever reason. 

All these behaviors are Griddle behaviors and they make. me. nervous. 

Is Harrow2 Actually a Lyctor?

Harrow’s Dramatis Personae section lists ‘Harrowhark the First’ with a huge and glaring and delightful redacted section below her name. If someone truly had the time, I’m sure they could sleuth out the layers of the censorship and find out what it says. However, it’s plain that the underlying text does NOT say ‘Gideon Nav, her cavalier’. So we’re left with more questions - who or what died to give Harrow her power? .....As a point of interest, it looks like the original writing has been overlaid with even more text. 

Ortus’ eyes were black - the same shade as Harrow’s. Harrow2 wouldn’t be able to confirm or deny that she had successfully eaten her Canaan Redux cavalier.

In the prologue, Harrow1 calls herself “half a lychtor” implying that either 1) she’s simply not trained, or 2) something went wrong in her lyctorhood creation

And then we have this weird Chapter 3** internal narration of Harrow2′s childhood without Griddle. And she’s.. absolutely bananas. She grows up a ghoulish, lonely, nut job. But she still says she had committed the indelible sin halfway. That she hadn’t been able to choke him (Ortus) down. 

Her manifestations of power don’t add up. First, Ianthe (undisputedly a lyctor) shoves Babs’ knife through her hand and has no problem with it, or healing right up. Harrow2... isn’t so lucky. Prologue Harrow is also in the process of dying. Conversely, while in the River, Mercymorn dismisses the idea that Harrow2 could possibly be using theorems and freaks out when she discovers Harrow can. Conclusion being: Either Harrow2 is incredible weak, or incredibly powerful but untrained, or she is Something Else Entirely*.

Harrow2 isn’t experiencing lyctoral indigestion. Cytherea tells Ianthe right after she eats Babs, “I can see him fighting you. Mine [meaning her cav, Loveday] came willingly, and it still hurt for a century.” We know Babs still fights Ianthe in HTN, as her eyes are usually swapping shades. It’s not something Harrow1 or 2 mentions as a problem. 

* My working theory is that Harrow2 is kind of lyctor-ish and being protected by the Lady, the Sword, or Griddle (who might be incarnate in either).  

Side note: It might be too far into the weeds to wonder about but I want to know what pregnancy would do to a lyctor. If we follow the Die Young but Beautiful and Powerful practices of the Seventh House, Dulcinea’s family uses their crappy genes as internal combustion engines: cells dying within them allow a perpetual source of thanergy. On the opposite end of that same theory, a necromancer constantly producing thalergy (life and cell growth) should therefore be significantly weaker, right?

This^ is only relevant when considering the other theory:

Papa Gideon [ORTUS] knocked up a fellow Lyctor. 

While it would explain the creepy “egg” texts Harrow2 is hallucinating, as well as why Cytherea spared Griddle multiple times at Canaan house, I doubt this theory for a few reasons: 

Of the available lyctors able to carry children, there is Cassiopeia, Anastasia, Mercymorn, and Cytherea. We only know Mercy and Cytherea.

It’s strongly implied that Cytherea and her cav, Loveday, were in a relationship. Since Loveday is technically still inside of Cytherea, I doubt she wanted to date around. 

The Emperor strives to present the Lyctors as siblings. This a) props himself up as the holy and imperial papa bear to guide and govern them, b) perpetuates the eternal and indestructible bond of siblings, and c) kills any idea of inter-lyctoral hooking up. Can you even imagine the destruction a Jersey Shore: Unholy Power bar fight would wreak?  

I’m not fully convinced Lyctor Gideon [ORTUS] is Griddle’s father. While it would make sense in terms of stature (Lyctor G/O is a single rippling muscle and Griddle’s biceps are... noteworthy), Silas Octakiseron told Gideon that her mother had hair just the same shade as her (source: Sister Glaurica’s toiling soul). Could be that Griddle’s Mom’s soul screaming “Gideon!” was her calling for the Lyctor, her brother/other relation. 

However, I DO believe Griddle is... more than. She wasn’t killed by the nerve gas, and Harrow2′s eyes are not Griddle Gold. 

As a second side note, Lyctor Gideon [ORTUS]’s cav was named Pyrrha Dve. This is exciting to me because of my slutty fandom tendencies and because a name like ‘Pyrrha’ begs for Tragic Backstory, and I’m here for it. Also, I want more interaction with Augustine as he’s who Ianthe says “won’t come save” Harrow. Eye emoji.  

Alecto

As far as I’m aware, there are no solid leads on who or what Alecto the Ninth is. Casting about in wildly unwarranted guesswork, I can throw a few baseless theories out; 

Alecto is Griddle’s truer name (possibly birth name or even what she’s called if when she is brought back);

Alecto is the Lady of the Locked Tomb; 

Alecto is the Emperor’s Cav. In Harrow’s ‘Dramatis Personae’, The Emperor is listed as well as his lyctors and their cavaliers. Except, the Emperor does not have a deceased cav. He has “A.L.”, his guardian. A.L. =Alecto, mayhaps?; 

Alecto, a combination of (2) and (3). The Lady is supposedly the Emperor’s death and who he could not kill twice. If she were his ‘guardian’ she would be a) more powerful than him, and b) someone he was emotionally attached to which he couldn’t bring himself to kill again. 

Things I Cannot and Refuse to Account For:

Ianthe Tridetarius became a sewn tongue as a favor for Harrow1. Wtf. 

Ortus Nigenad’s self-insert cavalier epic of Matthias Nonius. Wtf. 

**The entirety of Chapter 3 is either true or it’s not. Wtf was that shit.  

The psychotic “You lied”/”Egg” texts Harrow2 is hallucinating. Wtf.

This is.... all probably incorrect, and I applaud you if you made it this far. I could keep going, the material of Act 1 is that dense. But in answer to The Great Big WTF that is Harrow Act 1 - my theory is simple. 

TLDR; I think Harrowhark Nonagesimus is tearing down the laws of the universe to bring back Gideon the Ninth.

[not-close-to-straight]

Okay, the one thing I’m confused about because of the new F9 trailer. Dom and Mia are siblings, right? So unless Mia or Don’s brother are half siblings, they should be related....what do you think?

Oooookay buckle up because this answer is going to be longer than you expected because BOY HOWDY do I have some thoughts about the trailer and also about Dom’s dynamic in the series in general. 

I’m going to put it under the cut because.. because it’s super long because I care way more about these movies than I should. 

So first of all, let me admit I watched the trailer six times in a row before realizing the importance of having Mia there. Now to be fair, I was fully FULLY appreciative of that fuckin’ wonderful scene with her and Letty just McFuckin’ Shit Up but it still took me a seventh rewatch within the same half hour to go “Holy Shit, Mia is back, what the hell does all this mean?” 

Now then, I ALWAYS assumed Mia and Dom were only half siblings. Not just because of the difference in looks but also the intense personality differences. TBH I generally think Letty looks/acts more like a Toretto sister than Mia ever did. I’m not saying Mia isn’t tough as nails (escaping through Brazil while pregnant, anyone??) but she doesn’t have that Edge to her like you’d think someone who grew up in Dom’s world would. 

As I got older and the series changed (I was eleven when I saw the first one, so my views have matured lol) I could see that Mia was absolutely a Toretto through and through but my initial impression of “half sibling” never changed and ALOT of that is due to Dom’s insistence on “found family” 

Thanks to the plethora of Avengers 2012 fics, we all know that the characters most drawn to “Found family” are those who have no family of their own, or come from splintered homes, or maybe fully functional homes but had cold/distant parents. The series makes a big emphasis on Dom’s father in Fast Five when we learn about how he died/how Dom reacted/him assuring Brian that he’ll be a good dad but to me, the explanation of “Why Dom is the Way He Is” really fell flat. 

I can tell you from personal experience-- those of us from traumatic beginnings cling to every bit of family we can find, go overboard trying to shelter the ones we consider innocents, and react with rage to anyone who might disrupt what we consider our safety net. 

Since Dom then goes so far that way for most of his life ie: intensely loyal to just one woman, family is the most important thing no matter what, even insisting on prayers when they gather for food-- I have to imagine that his early life was nothing like that at all. 

(I promise I’m getting to a point) 

Dom beats a guy almost to death for an accident on the race track. He squares up and is ready to kill Brian for messing with his family, an act of perceived betrayal (vince) is treated with an immediate casting out from the group. He is so loyal to Letty that even though he’s tried to move on, the moment he realizes she is alive, he leaves his new life entirely to go find her and then in an equal reaction, learning that woman/child from his other life is in danger he begins lying to and fighting against his family to protect them, then sort of brutally murders most of the people who set this all in motion. He goes from wanting to kill Shaw’s character to welcoming him into the family because Shaw went from murdering members of their crew to helping them. QUITE A SWING DON’T YOU THINK?

These are NOT the reaction of a well adjusted person, these are the reactions of someone who learned from an early age that violence and anger is a way of life and a viable reaction to emotional pain, that when it comes to getting what you want and protecting what you consider YOURS, anything is acceptable even to the point of lying/hiding/some would say even abandoning people who get in your way (we see all of those in Fast8) and ESPECIALLY with young men, that is generally a trait they learn from their father or father figure and is a reaction to a life where family and loyalty meant nothing.

All this to say-- I don’t think Dom’s early life was sunshine and roses, I think he saw examples of wild anger and instances where loyalty and family don’t mean anything which in a very round a bout way, leads me to my thoughts about Mia and this new brother. 

I think Mia is Dom’s half sibling, whether their mom (who is never mentioned) went out and cheated and came home with Mia, or Dom’s dad knocked someone up and at some point during Dom’s childhood, Mia was sort of dropped off at their front door “congratulations, you have a sister now”. 

I am sort of partial to the second one, mostly because I was adopted when I was a little bit older and tbh, my adopted brother closest in age always treated me like shit, but the oldest one who was old enough to realize I needed help/protected/that the world had just been fucking awful up to that point-- He would (and has) done just about anything to make sure I’m okay all the time. Even now that I’m older and have moved away. The way Dom is with Mia reminds me a lot of how that brother is with me, ie: looking at a person who wasn’t in your life yesterday and realizing that it’s your job to protect them and its a job you’re willing to do forever because they shouldn’t have to experience any more of how terrible life can be. 

So. My personal HC-- Mia and Dom are half siblings based on how Dom feels that need for found family (he doesn’t have any “real” family of his own) and how protective he is especially over the women in his life (maybe because of the unknowns but easily guessed issues with his own mom and a dad who fostered anger/violence) 

Moving on-- In movies especially, but also IRL sometimes, the reaction to trauma/drama is usually characterized as “Person A survives and becomes a better person for it, Person B takes their hurt and anger and takes it out on the world” We see it in every superhero story, right? 

So Dom’s brother might really be a full blooded Toretto (he certainly looks like it-- John Cena has the meanest mug ever), but when their Dad died and Dom nearly killed that guy-- instead of doing what Dom did and tying their world together with friends and taking care of Mia and just trying to live there in that house and have a real family-- maybe he did the opposite and just took off. Dom’s anger issues are WORSE in the brother, maybe he got involved in something Dom couldn’t rescue him from and when Dom TRIED, he was told to leave it alone and back off. Or maybe Dom and Mia thought he died. The guys is described as a master thief/racer so maybe he and Dom had a falling out, he went and did what Dom was doing in the first one and got involved in high level crime with another crew and there was an accident and he ‘died’.

Maybe the brother was the one to kill that guy who killed their Dad, not Dom and Mia panicked about it in Fast Five because she was so worried Dom would slide towards that darker side that took their brother. Like, I have zero issue believing Dom would have taken the blame for that so his younger brother wouldn’t be at fault, that seems like a very Dom thing to do and it seems like a very Mia thing to do to keep her brothers secret. 

Either way, I think its obvious that at some point post their Dad dying and pre Dom setting up his house with Vince and Letty and the others, there was a probably violent falling out between brothers and the return of this brother is enough to bring Mia back out of hiding to help Dom take him down. 

WHICH BRINGS UP A WHOLE OTHER THING-- WHERE IS BRIAN? WHO IS WATCHING THE BABIES? IN NO UNIVERSE WOULD DOM OR BRIAN ALLOW MIA TO SUIT UP AND REJOIN THE SHENANIGANS WITH HER HUSBAND SO WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. 

Also whew, I am sorry for all this. I never get to talk about my obsession with these movies so I rambled A LOT. 

[seoulsborne123]

The Forgotten Queen: Prologue

The discovery of the ancient city called Yharnam was supposed to be the biggest archeological find of the decade. But perhaps some secrets are best left well alone...

A Ghost Hunt and Bloodborne crossover. Set about two years after the events of Akumu no Sumu Ie.

Prologue

Illuminated only with the dim light of their emergency candles, Joanna couldn’t help but feel the unease creep in. It was not a problem in daylight, or even when they had working lamps that provided a constant source of light, but with the flickering flame the shadows turned the Gothic embellishments on the pillars and doors from being grotesque to outright nightmarish. And despite the roominess inspired by the open archways and the high vaulted ceiling that gave the impression of rising high into the heavens, she couldn’t help but feel stifled.

She shook this feeling away and cleared her mind, trying to focus on the game before her. 

"Check."

Her opponent pulled his lips to the side and studied his hand intimately though his eyes seemed to land on nothing in particular. As if sensing her studying his every move, he cleared his throat and feigned confidence, jutting out his chest a little more than usual. Joanna, for the meantime, forgot her unease. He was being too obvious. Normally she would wonder if he was attempting reverse-reverse psychology, but although she’d only known him for a week, she knew that Nick would be too simple and straightforward to consider that option. It could only mean two of the same things: either he had a very low hand, or none at all.  

"Yeah, I'll raise the bet," he said, holding up two coins and making a big show of slamming them down on the table. The noise it made echoed obnoxiously loud.

"You do know how poker works, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

She shook her head. "Suit yourself. They’re your chocolate bars to lose..." She threw in another coin to match what he put down.

"Okay, let's see what you got."

Joanna revealed a seven of hearts and a four of diamonds. Counting the community cards on the table, she only had a pair of sevens. It wasn’t exactly the greatest hand, but she knew it would be enough to beat her colleague.

"Damn, again…"

"Oh Nick, you aren't very good at this." She laughed and added three more tick marks on her notebook, the little rush from winning made her completely forget the unease she felt moments ago. "You owe me 12 pieces now. You’ll need to stake another item; I won't care very much for your chocolate bars any more if we keep going at this pace and that'd be a shame."

Nick rolled his eyes and gathered the cards. "Oh be quiet. I've got—" but a sudden loud thud in the distance made the two of them nearly jump out of their seats. They whipped their heads back and tried to search the darkness beyond what their candlelight could illuminate, but saw nothing out of place. Joanna remembered everything again.

"Must have been the wind," Nick mumbled.

"I'm pretty sure the sound came from inside that door and you know there is no chance of wind behind there. "

"Okay, structure settling."

"Stone settles?"

Nick sighed. "'Okay, then what, ghosts?"

"I don't know, maybe," she answered with an edge to her voice. "With everything that's happened, don't you think… don’t you think it may be supernatural after all?"

Nick let out a breath, unsure of what to reply.. "Come on, Jo. You don’t really think that? It's an ancient place. Nothing about… this… screams haunted..." As he said this, the two of them looked warily around their immediate vicinity: ghastly figurine statues of cloaked women interspersed along the edges of the room, hands outstretched towards the heavens in a plea; empty clay jars scattered about, which they thought must have been used to hold wine, though recent findings point to it actually having once hosted blood; a giant lancet window framed with elegant tracery that let in what little of the obscured moonlight there was, which only served to cast formless shadows all around

Nick looked at Joanna again and repeated with less confidence, "Yep, looks normal to me. We should be okay. And it's a holy place. Don’t ghosts fear Jesus, or something?"

"What? Ghosts can be in churches. And churches can be creepy, especially long abandoned ones. Have you not seen any horror movies?" Joanna retorted, wondering how it was possible for this to not be common knowledge. 

"No, come on, look let’s be logical about it. Have you been to other dig sites before or is this your first rodeo?”

Joanna deflated and admitted, “No, this is the first.” Although she was only a third year Archeology undergraduate student, her work and track record had impressed her professors and they fully endorsed her in joining this short expedition.

Without turning haughty or dismissive, Nick nodded and simply said, “Then okay, I get it. But let’s consider the facts: a giant city in the middle of a dense forest, abandoned and hidden for over two centuries. Of course it’ll be overwhelming. The buildings here may look like they’re in good shape, but sometimes we can’t see all the damage, which might be causing all the random noises we can’t understand. It could also be rats, or something.”

"But that's the problem, isn't it? We should have at least seen some rats by now. I haven't even seen bugs. Have you?"

"Well it’s a bit too nippy here, probably."

"But rats should—" Once again, their conversation was cut off. This time it was the long, baleful howl of a wolf that made them shudder. Eerily on time, the clouds that obscured the full moon parted and bathed the church in its pale, luminescent light. It only lasted for a few minutes, but it made Joanna question whether she preferred the figures partially hidden in darkness, or exposed fully in the moonlight. 

A new thought hit her. "What if this is how it all starts? The last time Professor Gimmel and the others disappeared, wasn't it also a full moon? What if Jon's just the first?"

“Full moon? First ghosts, now you think witches are involved? Or do you mean werewolves?"

"Well, why not?" she snapped, annoyed more at herself, knowing full well how ridiculous she was being. "That was undoubtedly a wolf, and nearby too by the sounds of it, but everyone keeps insisting there are no wolves around here. How does that make sense? Nothing in this place makes sense."

"You know yourself that there's been no signs of wolves around here. None of us have found footprints, or droppings, or old kills in the area. They would have left some kind of trace in the woods outside. Besides even if they were outside, we’re still safe within the city walls since they’re definitely not in here." Nick gathered up the cards and resumed shuffling. "I don't know. Maybe it was an owl."

"That’s just ridiculous. What about that weird singing choir we sometimes hear at night? Kyle and his group heard it, too. I’ve also read mentions of it in the old reports.” 

She leaned in closer and whispered, “I think this is a cursed place. Those jars and the bottles we’ve found… I think it’s becoming more obvious that a blood-borne disease led to a slow collapse of this town. Look at those countless graves outside— people had time to bury their dead. The manner of those blood rituals are still unclear, but usually that would point to pagan worship, right? Yet the significance of the Church and religion in this city leads me to think it’s actually something sanctioned by them. To have the Church’s sacrament be twisted... There must have been something seriously wrong with this place.” 

“I actually agree with your points, but we can’t just jump to conclusions. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if the lab has been able to transcribe those old texts...”

As if completely unaware he even spoke, Joanna continued her denunciations and was steadily growing in urgency until she reached a fevered hiss, “And that creepy nun! Where the hell did she come from? I don’t trust her. And now Jon’s missing and we could be next. Just remember that three years ago the others investigated this place and disappeared without a trace."

“You don’t need to remind me of that, Jo.” 

His tone made Joanna stop and look up. His face was grim. 

In her delirium she forgot that Nick was personally connected to the events three years ago. How could she have been so callous? She was trying to formulate a way to properly apologize when to her surprise, he quickly recovered his composure and resumed as if she hadn’t misspoke.

"Jon's always been the kind of 'not always there' type of person though, hasn't he? Maybe he wandered off and got lost. The others will find him and when they do, we'll be right here ready to radio for help."

Joanna groaned. "Nick, something is wrong with this place." She cast another look at her cards and muttered, "I'll raise."

Nick thumbed his cards absentmindedly before calling her raise to stay in the round.

"Again, in terms of its odd history, I agree with you. But to say that what’s happening now is due to supernatural causes? That’s too much, Jo." 

He revealed the fifth card on the table and took in a sharp breath as she put down yet another coin to stay in the round. All he had was a pair of twos. 

Was it worth to continue on? He shook his head. ”Okay, I fold." 

He revealed his cards. She revealed a losing hand.

"Son of a—" but for the third time that night, the sentence was cut off by the sound of the doors opening and heavy footfall fast approaching. It was one of their colleagues who had gone out as part of the search party. He stood before them completely out of breath as if he had sprinted for miles.

He was clearly shaken and quite manic as he gasped out, "They found him! My god, they found him!" Unable to elaborate further, he resorted to gesticulating wildly and pointed outside.

Fearing the worst, Nick immediately stood up and radioed for an ambulance. Unfortunately their heavily secluded location meant that help can reach them twenty minutes at the earliest provided good road conditions. As he spoke to the operator and gave detailed directions, he grabbed one of the first-aid kits nearby and threw it towards Joanna, who caught it and rushed outside with the researcher.

Many scenarios played in Joanna's head, the kind of accidents Jon could have gotten himself into. The current expedition was only meant to go on for two weeks at most and thus their patron did not think it necessary to send out a qualified field doctor with them. At the very best, they had an avid hiker among their group who was trained and volunteered to be their first-responder, but she only knew how to take care of minor injuries. She wondered if Cecile was already at the scene and whether the kit she carried would even be of any use.

However when they reached the plaza, Joanna stopped in her tracks.

It was not Jon.

Most of the group were already gathered, looking on just as surprised as she was. Cecile was already hunched down with him, checking for any serious signs of injuries.

"Who…?" she asked in a whisper, more to herself, and in the still air her voice carried but no one spoke a word.

"What in the--Professor Gimmel!"

Joanna frowned and spun around. Nick had finally caught up. He stood beside her, speechless and confused.

"The Professor? But it's been three years since… Are you sure that’s him?"

Nick finally snapped out of his stupor and slowly approached the sickly, pale man. "Professor Gimmel, are you hurt anywhere? It's okay now. Help is on its way. Are you able to walk further? Our base is at the church nearby." When the professor wouldn't respond, Nick looked to Cecile. "What’s happened? How is he?"

"Shocked, I reckon. Hasn't spoken a word nor looked at anyone in the eye, really. I don't even think he realizes we're here."

Joanna listened to their conversation while her head buzzed with a million questions. She looked the professor over. 

He was bony, disheveled, reeked of something foul, but otherwise he appeared unharmed. Where had he been all this time? How had he survived out here for that long on his own? From the looks of it, it didn't seem like he'd had much to eat, and with the absence of any animals and edible vegetation around, how was he able to provide enough sustenance to keep himself alive for so long? But then again, didn't the nun live here on her own as well and was somehow able to survive? Perhaps the nun had known of his whereabouts all along? Where were the others?

She only knew him by name: a distinguished professor from Cambridge who led a team of seasoned archeologists, crewmen, and a handful of graduate students to study the newly discovered ancient city called Yharnam. It was meant to be the next biggest discovery, but in the end it had to be kept hushed up due to the tragic story of the original excavation team. They had been working for half a year before most of the crew, fifteen people including the Professor, suddenly disappeared without a trace. 

The case was cold. No leads, no suspects to consider. Work on the site was temporarily put on hold, but eventually another wealthy patron stepped up and fresh, willing workers eager to sign up for an adventure were found.  If it weren't for the appeal of the occult and the dig site's macabre history, Joanna would have passed on this opportunity. Alas, though she thought herself not spiritual in the least and refused to believe in supernatural phenomena, the fear of the unknown both excited and scared her. Like a living contradiction, the more outrageous the circumstance, the more she refused to believe, and yet the more mystified she became, the more it terrified and thrilled her to think it could be supernatural. 

Her attention switched back to Nick, who, after having no luck extracting any information from the professor, turned to the rest of their colleagues and asked, "Where did you guys find him?"

"It was Adella who found him," answered Thomas. "Karen and I were on our way towards the area below the Cathedral when we came across her and the Professor. She said she found him down there."

"Well where is she now?"

"Slinked off somewhere. You know how she is. The Professor here has been unresponsive to our questions so we just took him here as soon as possible. All he kept talking about was something about some 'big one' or other. Don't seem to realize we're here at all. We need to get him out of here as soon as possible."

As if on cue, the Professor collapsed on the ground, prostrated himself, and suddenly shouted in excitement, "Oh, Amygdala! Amygdala! Oh… what a pleasure it is to see the divine!"

The clouds had cleared once again and the moon illuminated the forgotten city, the towering Gothic buildings, weathered and ancient. The town was a mess: rubble, gravestones, and coffins strewn about, rotted of old age. Though the addition of a new light source was most welcome, the sight of a large, full moon unsettled everybody.

Joanna tried to follow the Professor's gaze. He seemed to be focusing on the rooftop. Whatever he saw there moved him almost to tears, but she saw nothing. A hallucination, perhaps?

The voice of Evan, one of the younger contractors, broke her train of thought. He had just arrived with two others.

“Thomas, we checked the area to corroborate what Adella said, but no one else there, just him."

Thomas whipped around. "What about the Gate? Was it still open?"

“Open?” Joanna interrupted incredulously. The others around her were just as surprised at this information.

"We didn’t venture too close to it, but we saw it was still open."

"Since when and how?"

"Don't know, kid. It wasn’t open yesterday when the others checked.”

Thomas turned to the others. He was the most senior ranking member of the team and was responsible for everyone’s safety, but this new opportunity was just too good to pass up. Previously inaccessible, now its gate lay wide open. What new discoveries could they find in the lower area? Moreover, there was a good chance they could find the remaining missing people there— alive or dead. He shuddered.

“What do you guys think? Shall we take a team down there?"

Nick answered, "I've already radioed in for emergency; they're on their way. The sky's clear now so we can take advantage of the moonlight. Probably best not to venture out too far though, but if the Professor got out, the others may not be far behind."

"Agreed. We'll go with a small team for now. Cecile you're in charge here to make sure evac goes well. Jon might still be out there, too. If you don’t need that kit, we’ll take it with us. Mike, Evan, Karen, Nick, let's go."

“Take me with you!”

Thomas turned around. Beside him, Nick shrugged and said that she wouldn’t make trouble. With a sigh, he also motioned for Joanna to follow along. 

The trek was a long one. After climbing several sets of stairs and winding along dark alleyways, they finally arrived at the Grand Cathedral, the tallest, most grandiose building in the city, but instead of heading inside the group turned right, following the narrow pathway around the building and found themselves by a cliff side. Following the long stairway down led them to the central plaza of a small community of decrepit houses, where it's been suggested clergymen and nuns must have once lived. But the trek didn't end there. Further along there were more stairs leading even lower below, leading to a hollowed out, possibly man-made cave. The group was forced to huddle in closer together due to the tight space, the feeling of claustrophobia setting in and making everyone's heart beat a little faster until they all finally emerged on the other side.

From the distance, they could see the atrium that housed the aforementioned gate that sectioned away a part of the town no one had ever managed to step foot in.

Thomas held his hand up, halting their advance. He himself took a few steps forward and frowned.

The Gate, which was the name they've baptized the set of gigantic double doors towering approximately forty feet high, was sealed completely shut as it had always been.

[tb5-heavenward]

Prelude, I am COUNTING on you to write a post-finale series for TAG. You write the boys soooo well, you know their voices as if you were related to them and I must know how it all works out now that Jeff's back. Like, is Scott still in charge or does Jeff become the lead again? Do any of the boys (read: John, because we love him) have a hard time with the change? Are Pen and Ink official?! Who is the spy in the GDF?! What does Jeff think of EOS?! Who really is the Mechanic?! I need to know!!

okay well, boy, well okay

full disclosure, as of this answer I still haven’t found the mental energy or brainspace to watch the latest and lastest ep, which is a sad but accurate commentary on how far this show has fallen in terms of importance in my life, because I remember the early days of staying up til five in the goddamn morning, with fuckin hola vpn doing all manner of evil via my IP address, just to watch the latest eps live on ITV. But times change, and times have changed so much that I’m no longer awake at 5AM anyway because I have to nurse a one year old back to sleep, but instead I have to be in bed by 11:30 at the latest so I can walk a six year old to school. Times change.

Anyway, that personal note aside, as far as my writing goes, my major projects have always been a magnification of the aspects of TAG I find the most interesting. Heavenward dialed that lens in on John and EOS and the intensity of their relationship, Harvard likewise focused on John and his most fundamental nature, and these days TA’s focal point is on Gordon/Penny as a couple and the way that all of the relationships both within and without this family ripple outward and overlap and interfere with each other, like a handful of stones thrown into still water.

I’ve been pretty transparent about how I feel re: TAG and the way its latest season went, and the problem with me taking the metaphorical cueball of TAG’s canon and trying to bank a post-series fic into the corner pocket is that I fundamentally disagree with the arc that canon’s taken, pretty much from the end of Season 2. Right up to the finale of S2 there’d been nothing I couldn’t manage to work with, barring a few mental tweaks and adjusted details here and there, but S3 just went so buck fuckin’ wild compared to what I would’ve done, storywise, that to try to write past the end of it is fairly untenable for me personally. 

And while those are all interesting questions, I’ve already addressed a lot of them. The spy in the GDF was a literal fucking rando in a goddamn raccoon burglar mask with a walkie talkie in hand. That is how far the writing had fallen, because if you want a couple of those questions answered right here and now, the mole in the GDF should have been Colonel Casey. And who the Mechanic really was should’ve been was Casey’s son, kidnapped and brainwashed and leveraged against her by the Hood, because that’s a poetic and perfect and poignant level of betrayal---Casey betraying IR as a mother who loves her son, as much as those boys ever loved their father.

Anyway. Here’s the bigger problem I have right now.

(TA spoilers-ish below the cut, a loose discussion of the map of the rest of the story, leave this unread unless you want some insight into my process re: currently unanswered but fairly obviously rhetorical questions and the overall arc of the story)

What the finale does do is makes me ask a fairly critical question about the work I have ongoing now, and makes me wonder if I might want to make it into the venue where I explore what I would’ve done with the series’ larger plot (ie: see above re: colonel casey). talented amateurs is, as mentioned above, fundamentally a fic about exploring relationships within IR. TA is my homage to the art of the slow burn, only I’ve done it bassackwards on account of the pair of them fell in love and promptly slept together within the first five chapters of the work. TA also started as a straight-up mood piece, just something to explore what that moment of an initiated relationship between Gordon and Penelope would look like. Needless to say, it blossomed, and now about 200k later, here we are.

In the same manner that TA wasn’t initially intended to be the behemoth it’s become, it was also at one point a question whether the thrust of the plot would concern Penelope’s pregnancy. Obviously it does now, and the works that follow it will continue along that essential arc---that’s the fundamental three act structure of this story, the three trimesters of pregnancy.

But ever since it started getting serious and started making itself apparent as my Next Big Thing, its been teetering on the knife’s edge of the question: Do I want to bring Jeff Tracy into this? Do I want to overshadow the future of IR with the spectre of its past? Do I want to bring him back?

Because the thing with TAG is that, if you’re the sort of person who can perceive the fundamental shape of an overall story---even one as disconnected and disjointed as TAG’s was---it was always transparently apparent that one day they would find their father. It was the series’ biggest macguffin and it’s kind of like, invisibly woven into the tapestry of the narrative. I can’t even quite clearly articulate why it always seemed so obvious---probably simply because they open the show by searching for that last desperate trace of him, but there was never a doubt in my mind that one day that would be the resolution of that question and the ultimate expression of the boys as IR. Their father wasn’t dead and they got to save him.

So it seems like any fic taking place in TAG’s verse must have that truth baked into it---their dad isn’t dead. He’s out there somewhere, alive and findable. I think the question of where could be more compellingly and believably answered than by “he’s been fridged in the fucking Oort Cloud for eight goddamn years” and I think as a writer I could take the bones of the show we’ve got and craft a more interesting version of that story. TA is a Season 2 AU in the same way that hwd is a Season 1 AU, and as far as canon is concerned, it doesn’t consider anything from S3 to be true. In TA, the Hood is still in prison and he’s going to stay there. Havoc and Fuse and Rigby don’t exist. The Mechanic is the biggest unanswered question, but also no longer IR’s problem. As far as TA’s cast is concerned, their dad is dead as a goddamn doornail.

And maybe that would be the bolder move. Maybe he could just be dead and that’s the deeper and more interesting and more poignant thought. What I can’t decide about TA is whether or not I want it to catch a case of Plot. It’s a double-edged sword, because on the one hand, the interpersonal happenings of this story are easily as interesting than anything like an actual high-stakes narrative about their father being alive could be. But equally I know I could tell that story as well or better than the actual writers actually did, and it seems silly to pretend that I’d ever do it elsewhere, though it would be a hell of a thing if I did, and I only know that because I’ve done it already.

Anyway. I’ll know in about ten chapters or so. Til then the coin’s still in the air.

[studentville-struggles]

On Set // Part 3

Chris Evans x reader

Multi-part series following the reader’s life on the set of the latest Avengers film 

Part 3

Words: 2,797 (oops and its all trash I’m sorry)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of nudity, its trash writing 

So I wrote a lot of this after a colossal meltdown so this may well not make sense (I tried to fix it) and its kinda total trash but ya know; here it is! I really hope this is okay and please leave some feedback or let me know if you liked it!

Masterlist // Part 1 // Part 2

“Cut!” Anthony shouted from off set. “Well done guys, that’s it for the day, go get some rest.”

You’d just finished filming a scene with Chris and Tom where Spiderman and Captain America are chewing out your character for various reasons. And after the conversation you’d had with Tom the day before, he kept making the weirdest of faces at you every time there was a break in filming. Well, he was doing it during the filming as well until you cracked a smile and had to reshoot the scene introduction... shaking your head at Tom one last time, you turned, walking back towards your dressing room.

“Y/N!” Chris called for you, jogging to catch up to you.  

“Captain.” You winked, knowing how much it frustrated Chris when you called him that off camera. He starts spluttering out complaints almost immediately, as predicted, so you needed to get him back his normal focused self. “What’s up?”  

“Oh, right, yeah. I was just wanting to check in, see if everything was okay? You seemed a little distracted today.” That would be Tom’s fault, but whatever. Still, thoughtful Chris is cute.  

“Yeah, all okay, just couldn’t seem to keep my focus up for some reason.” Not a lie, to be fair.  

“Good, good. I wasn’t sure whether Scarlett inviting the sack of crap and his friends round for the weekly cast dinner would be an issue. I can have them removed if you want that, just say the word.” Scarlett did what now? You didn’t even bother covering the shock you felt. “You didn’t know... I’ll have them removed.” She’s planned something... you could feel it.  

“No, no, Chris it’s okay! I didn’t know they were coming over but it’s not an issue I promise. It’s all in the past, you don’t have to worry.”  

“You still look tense.”  

“I do feel a little tense, to be honest. I don’t think I stretched very well this morning.” That is true, you usually stretched before coming in, a habit your trainer Steve had instilled in you.  

“I’m heading to the gym if you want to join?” How sweet, it would be just like to good old days, except now you can actually keep up with Chris. You used to just be a flushed, sweaty mess in the corner of the gym, questioning if Steve Zim actually hated you.  

“That would be perfect.”

***

You could definitely focus now. However, your focus was how much you ached already, which was a lot. The conversation you’d had with Tom about how you and Chris acted around each other had been taking over your mind, and was driving you up the wall. You were debating every single interaction, trying to see what the motives for every comment, joke, and flirty comment could be. You'd flirted before and that hadn’t changed, everyone did it, but now you were really thinking about it. As a result, you pushed hard at the gym, and Chris took your lead. You’d worked out together for over a year now so knew how to get the most out of each other.  

Typically, you two would have a quick rinse in the locker room showers, known as ‘the gym shower’, before heading home in sweatpants, and then have what you called a ‘full shower’ at home. Tonight was no different, though you made sure to leave enough time to be home and ready for the cast dinner.  

Once a week, you would all make an effort to have as many of you as could be there, in the main dining room, for a huge family-style dinner and groups would take turns cooking for everyone. This week was Scarlett, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Holland, Chris Pratt, and Elizabeth Olsen, so you knew it was going to be a great meal, huge, but oh so good. These meals were always such a good laugh, and fans seemed to love getting a glimpse of them on everyone’s Instagram stories. It was easy to get 20-30 of the cast around for these dinners so they usually took several hours of preparations; hence the group of five actors on cooking per week, and planning it so people would cook when they had quiet days on set.  

Walking out of the gym, you headed to the car park, having agreed to meet Chris in the car, ready to head back to the house. Slipping into the passenger seat, Chris started up the car and headed back to the house. Almost instantly, you started to fall asleep as you left the town, driving back to the countryside.  

When Chris realised that you’d fallen asleep, he turned the radio down and upon parking his car outside the house, whispered your name to see if you would wake easily. No one wants to wake anyone up from a nap; worldwide fact. Chris noticed that you had shifted in your sleep, trying to get into a more comfortable position and took this opportunity of you being restless to wake you up. He swiftly moved to your side of the car, opened the door and crouched beside you.  

“Y/N” He cooed. “We’re at the house now, you gotta get up so we can be showered and dressed in time for Scarlett’s big dinner.”

Stirring, you grumbled. “I don’t wanna.”

“I know sweetie.” Chris giggled at your tired response. “How about I give you a piggyback ride inside, take the hard bit out. You may need to hold the bags though..” Yawning as you try and wake up a bit more, you nod at Chris.

He chuckles again as he gives you a hand to help get out the car, the boys have always said it’s like dealing with a puppy when you’re sleepy.  You looked at Chris with one eyebrow raised, and a slight frown, silently asking whether he’s sure it’s okay to have a piggyback into the house and upstairs.  

“C’mon then you,” He handed you his bag to put over your shoulder like you did with your own. “Up you get.” He says in response, turning around and crouching so its easier to hop up onto his back. Once, he’s got you settled and starts walking towards the front door, you dropped your head down onto his shoulder, snuggling in a bit more, and murmuring a quiet ‘thank you’ into his neck. This earned you yet another chuckle.  

“Lemme take a photo”

“I want one too!”

“Is she asleep?”  

Wondering why is this such a big deal to everyone, you lifted your head to look at who was wanting to photograph you and Chris. Obviously, the first thing you could notice was Toms huge shit eating grin. Making eye contact with him, his grin turned to the smuggest look you’d ever seen, hands on hips and all. Trying not to feed his smugness anymore you simply rolled your eyes and whispered to Chris that you didn’t mind walking upstairs if he wanted to put you down.  

“I pushed you really hard at the gym, only fair I carry you up when I said I would.” He said kindly, starting off towards the main staircase. Taking a last look around, you noticed your favourite group of extras had arrived and were yet again staring at you with open mouths. Stood beside them was Scarlett, smug-faced and seemingly very happy with me being stared at.  

“DINNERS IN THIRTY MINUTES, DON’T BE LATE!” Scarlett called up the stairs after you. Thirty minutes wasn’t long.  

Your room was on the same floor of the house as Chris’, so it was easy for him to drop you off at the right door.  

“Alright then sleeping beauty, time to start getting ready for dinner.” Chris said, carefully putting you down once he reached your door. Smiling up at him, you thanked him again for carrying you inside and up the stairs. Chris being Chris, and just being an adorable human, muttered an ‘anytime’, whilst taking his bag that you offered out, before turning around and heading to his room.

After watching him cross the corridor and enter his room, you turned around and entered your own. You began emptying out the contents of your gym bag, putting the sweaty stuff into the laundry bag in the corner, and draping your gym towel over the radiator to help it dry faster. Once you’d finished your mini post gym routine; you stripped off your comfy clothes, wrapping yourself in a bath towel before wandering down the hallway into the bathroom. However, just as you reached the bathroom, Chris exited his room, having just done the same routine as you. With his room being directly next to the bathroom, he was half in the doorway just as you arrived at the door.

You knew you should have turned away, gone back to your room, and it definitely wasn’t the first time you’d seen Chris in such a state of undress. Something about him was drawing you in. Maybe it was the looks and gestures Tom had given you over the last couple of days; maybe it was the way he was so soft and gentle with you but also authoritative when you needed him to be (ie the gym cos you sure as hell wouldn’t work as hard if he wasn’t); or maybe that he managed to look both fine as hell but also cute and cuddly wrapped in a fluffy towel. Whatever it was, it was causing a feeling you weren’t sure you liked.

“Looks like we’ve got a stale-mate here Evans.” You joked, leaning against the doorframe.

“If you want to go first Y/N I don’t mind waiting.” Was Chris, nervous?

“Well I was behind you so I should wait, should being the keyword.” You started, currently sounding like an ass, great start here Y/N. “But you heard Scarlett, we can’t be late. So I was thinking; why don’t we save some water, and some time, and shower together.” Oh yeah, whatever this was, it was going to get you in some real shit. Tom would die if he knew about this.  

Chris was flustered now, even you could tell. The not-so-subtle way he drew his bottom lip in to bite was a mild give away. Building on this random confidence you seem to have, you took a step closer to Chris, separated now only by the two towels.  

“What do you say, Captain? I mean we’re both adult’s right?” You asked Chris, looking up at him. Calling him ‘Captain’ had the same effect as always. “You can close the door and we might make it to dinner on time, or you can walk out of here and I won’t take any offense.” You added, making sure he knew this was all in his control now.  

His response? Placing one arm around your waist to steady you against him, he used the other to push the door closed behind you and obviously paired with a dashing Evans smile. Without wasting any time, you turned, dropped your towel and started up the shower, letting it steam up around you. You must’ve caught Chris off guard as he did his little awkward cough. Trying to help him get over himself, you reached out your arm, offering him a hand. When he accepted, you pulled him into the shower, making sure to keep eye contact with the very attractive, naked, man in front of you.  

Keeping eyes at eye levels seemed to prove difficult for both of you, Chris deciding maybe it was better to feel than see, and so closed the distance between the two of you. You weren’t flush against him but you were close enough that most movements would cause a fleeting touch. Reaching around behind Chris, you grabbed the body wash off the shelf and poured some out, handing it to Chris to do the same, before lathering it up all over. Same thing you did every day before now but suddenly it seemed to have another meaning. The fact that Chris Evans was naked and in the shower with you, seemed to catch up and the confidence shifted from you to him.  

“Can’t let you hog all the water, can I sugar?” Chris whispered into your ear as he placed an arm around you again, pulling you flush against him, and spinning you both, allowing him to be under the flow of water with you. Naturally, you wrapped your arms around him, in an attempt to steady yourself.  

“I’ve got you.” He whispered, eyes full of truth and caring. At that moment you realised that you and Chris may not be quite the platonic friendship, and you may not want it to be that platonic friendship anymore.  

Slightly reeling from this realisation, you quietly continued on with your individual shower routines. It was only when you were stood rinsing the conditioner out of your hair that you realised the revealing position you were stood in gave Chris a very good look at your figure - something the two of you had managed to avoid by staying close enough to feel rather than see. Opening your eyes to look at Chris, the effect you were having was very obvious. He was tense, eyes dark but he couldn’t look away. As you looked at all of him you couldn’t help but bite your lip, he was a gorgeous man anyway, but covered in little drops of water, tense muscles and rock hard because of you, he looked divine. Eyes flicking back up to his, making eye contact for the first time, you lowered your arms to start covering yourself. Chris lunged towards you, basically pinning you into the corner of the shower.  

“Don’t ever feel like you should cover yourself, you are gorgeous.” Chris breathed out, never once breaking eye contact. You nodded, placing an arm over Chris’ shoulder, leaning on his and running a hand through his hair. Following this affection, he pulled you in closer against him, flush enough to feel everything. Only now breaking eye contact, he looked at your lips before his eyes closed slowly, leaning in, closing the last gap between you. His lips had barely brushed against yours when an alarm sounded, Chris pulled away groaning.

“What is that?” you asked looking around outside the shower for the source of the alarm.

“It’s my phone, I set an alarm for five minutes before dinner.” Chris grumbled as a response.

“Fuck, we need to go then.” You said, squeezing the excess water out your hair before stepping out the shower.

Quickly drying yourself off and wrapping the towel around your body, you turned to Chris with a grin. “See you at dinner?”

“Not sure I’ll see anyone else.” God that look of his did things to you.

Rushing to change, you made it downstairs just in time for dinner. Immediately Tom came scampering up to you with a very smug face.  

“What can I do for you now Holland?” You queried.

“Tell me why you’re looking awfully happy? You looked basically dead when Chris so heroically carried you in. Very cute by the way, I may have to make one of those photos my new lock screen. It’s between you two and the look on Daves face when he saw you being carried by Captain America.”

“I will kill you. Anyways, it’s amazing what a shower can you for your mood. Although I can't be mad at Daves reaction, I assume Scarlett has a plan for this evening?” Just as you spoke, Chris came downstairs, running a hand through his wet hair, he locked eyes with yours, still looking a little flustered.

Tom followed your gaze, wondering who you were staring at. Unfortunately, at the same time, Chris was too busy looking at you to notice where he was going and tripped up over a chair leg, stumbling very loudly. Always so subtle. Although he was getting more and more flustered by the minute, it was so adorable to see. Tom looked from you to Chris, and back again to you. You could see the wheels slowly turning in his head, and then Tom made the highest excited squeak you have ever head. Again, always so subtle.

“You did something, didn’t you?!” Tom whispered excitedly, not bothering to respond to your question. “I fucking called it!”

“I have no idea what you’re on about.” You replied, still grinning at Chris. 

“You will tell me everything and you know it.” In time, maybe you would, but not now.

Taking your seat at the table opposite Chris, you thought his flustered state was going to pass unnoticed, but no.

“Chris, you look like you could use a cup of tea. Are you okay?” Tom Hiddleston, canonically the most British man anyone has ever met.  

Part 4

Tags: @dsakita  @i-just-wanna-live-gc  @dlb113 @ajosieface  @greyeyedowl01  @coffeebooksandfandom  @torntaltos

[sol1056]

another round of asks: keith

This feels like one of those things where you type ‘keith is’ into google and see what comes up.

Keith is a self-insert

Keith is on his way to becoming (a) god

Keith is destined to be emperor

Keith is friends with Lance > Keith is friends with Shiro 

Keith is over Shiro [ + kills Sendak]

Behind the cut.

Keith is a self-insert

I have no proof for this but I think that a majority of VLD’s writing staff are secretly making Keith their self-insert character.

It’s an amusing idea, but it’s very hard to do that when it’s a collaborative exercise like writing for television. Ostensibly collaborative, that is, ‘cause hell if I know at this point whether anyone has say beyond the EPs, but more on that in another post. 

I’ve never heard of anyone in the deciding-level staff (the EPs or the writers) say that Keith is their favorite. JDS is clear that his personal favorite is Lance, and LM’s been known for being pro-Pidge since the beginning. Early on (like S1), Hedrick’s on record saying that it mapped nicely, since he felt the most affinity for Hunk in some ways, but that’s not what I’d call a preference in the same way as I’ve seen JDS and LM speak of their favorites. 

More likely Keith is not a self-insert so much as a kind of every-hero. It’s really quite remarkable --- given how much the EPs are so blunt about their dislike for Shiro --- how the story events, put together, could be seen as split almost evenly between them. To the point we had nearly two seasons where they were never in the same room together, never exchanged any words, nothing. Like matter and anti-matter. 

To put it bluntly: by S7, Shiro pays the price, and Keith gets the rewards. We didn’t get to this point overnight; in S1/S2, it was split a bit more evenly, and the rest of the team had some share in the prices and the rewards, too. But that concept of an ensemble cast got tossed out the window to lie dead on the highway tarmac, somewhere around S4. 

The thing is, a character needs a conflict, needs an obstacle, because failing (and suffering the consequences) and trying again (and growing from it) is the only route to character development. And that’s been almost criminally denied to Hunk, Lance, and Pidge (and since S3, Allura). Their paths have been continually softened, if not truncated outright. 

I was noodling around last night, and this quote jumped out at me: ‘Dos Santos says they did think Pidge deserved a happy ending. “We wanted Pidge to have the true reunion she deserved...”’ They did the same for Lance and Hunk, whose families also survived. But what about Allura? Is her happy ending just Getting A Nice Boyfriend? Where’s Shiro’s or Keith’s happy ending? 

The result is that the story’s necessary conflict and tension --- because it must be there, or we’re all just watching paint dry --- gets shifted to Keith and Shiro. And with the bulk of that conflict landing on Shiro to suffer all consequences while Keith gets all the hero moments... it’s no surprise Keith might feel like a self-insert, since that treatment usually correlates. 

But I think it’s less self-insert, and more that with Shiro taking on all the EPs’ dislike, there’s not much left for Keith to do. 

Keith is on his way to becoming (a) god

At this rate, Keith will turn into god by the end of the show (like madoka, space dandy, and oban star racers), with all the stuff that gets handed to him, it doesn’t seem far-fetched anymore.

Okay, that’s out of left-field, but... it might actually improve the story if he turned out to be a long-lost twin of Haruhi Suzumiya (though I would totally dig if it were Haruhara Haruko instead, but only if the Atlas turns into a giant iron). 

With the way Keith's quintessence sensing came to the forefront several times this season, I still wonder (and fear, a little) about the possibility of him being part Altean. Even if there is a slim out with learning the druids were Galra, the focus on Alteans still has me worried that the last season will overlook Allura and Romelle in favor of having Keith develop druid powers and learn his connection to the Alteans.

Thing is, we’re so far along in the story that I don’t expect any of the odd abilities to ever be explained --- anymore than we ever got an explanation as to why quintessence reveals a skin tone Keith’s never demonstrated since, at least not to the same striking degree. And truth is, I don’t think the EPs know. I have a strong suspicion there was a lot of groundwork laid in the first two seasons that have since been abandoned. So I don’t expect it to fit together, in the end, and would not be surprised if everything’s hand-waved. 

So who knows. 

Keith is destined to be emperor

People are speculating on Galra emperor Keith (partly because he’s apparently magic now). Would explain why this season pushed Keith as leader... even though he never wanted to be a leader. And the leadership arc wasn’t really natural to his character. Also, whatever happened to democracies?

Emperor? Because magic? I mean, wouldn’t that make Allura a better candidate? I know, it’s so easy to forget she exists, now, but she did have a line or two this season. (Okay okay I kid, she had maybe a half-dozen.) 

I really don’t know. When I put on my writer’s hat, Keith’s entire arc really doesn’t make much sense. He spent way too much time in S2 and S3 protesting and fighting ever being a leader, and I have no idea how he got from that point to S7′s sudden undiscussed and unquestioned acceptance of the role. If there was development there, I would’ve liked to have seen it. 

Because without that, it’s still hard to look at the character onscreen and see it as the same person. Maybe they are setting up Keith to be emperor. I have no idea how that logic even works. Of course, seems like logic left the building about four seasons back but go off I guess. 

That reminds me of the teaser version that used to be all over the place --- and now I only see on the Google results --- that closes with “to conquer the Galra Empire.” That’s a rather specific word, compared to, say, “overthrow” or “defeat” or “end.” Conquering is what you do when your plan is to take over, after all. Maybe the idea of Emperor Keith isn’t that out-there. Hell if I know. 

As for democracies... well, the EPs have never mentioned influences that’d make me think genre political savvy (ie Gundam, Code Geass, Gasaraki, etc). Probably easier to have monarchs: one Puigian leader for the entire planet. 

Earth does get to be the exception there... with a social structure that appears to rest entirely in the quasi-military hands of the Garrison. Was there even a single civilian present, as the obligatory elected spokesperson for the people?  Pretty sure there wasn’t. (This is not unique to VLD; we have the same discussion on a regular basis in the SFF community about the bizarre prevalence of monarchial systems in American-written SFF.)  

Keith is friends with Lance > Keith is friends with Shiro  

There were scenes which would be v sweet for Keith and Lance if they weren't explicitly there to prove how useless Shiro is, and many to show how useless KEITH thinks Shiro is, and that’s why Keith took [Shiro’s] place. [Before S7] ... Keith wouldn't step on Shiro like that, take Black and his place in the team and his healing away from him. But S7? Behold the new Shiro and Keith dynamic. Keith choosing Lance to lead while Shiro’s right there? Roger that team leader SHIRO’S RIGHT THERE! +Sendak thing?

@sassafrassrex did a meta on the Sendak-Shiro fight that’s a must-read, so I won’t repeat that here. As for the rest... I mentioned above that Keith felt very unlike himself this season, and his dynamic with Shiro --- or complete lack thereof --- was a big part of it. 

After all this time, we’re overdue for seeing a solid friendship between all the paladins, and that includes Keith and Lance. Most of what I saw felt... well, uneven would be the best word. S1/S2 at its best, between them, was more of a good-natured teasing. S7 felt harsher, to me, as though it was Keith’s turn to be the asshole.  

More than that, though, is that it almost feels like the writers can’t figure out how Keith could cherish Shiro and yet have other friends --- so instead they chose to highlight Lance to the near-exclusion of Shiro. And that’s no better for Lance, either, because again he’s just a substitute. 

Frankly, I’m tired of Lance always ending up with someone else’s leftovers. 

Keith is over Shiro

They really had Keith kill a version of his most important person in the world (who he thought was Shiro) so he can rise as BP, then toss Shiro aside as broken, even choosing Lance as right hand over him. *And* to pick the one who abandoned him twice -- and at the end were [framed as a] “family" with Kolivan -- over Shiro who never gave up on him. Krolia even got an I-love-you *and* got called Mom for leaving. What fucked-up messages, lemme tell you, as someone who relates to Keith.

Put like that, it is pretty brutal. Not sure how else to read how completely Shiro is excluded from the narrative for the first 3/4s of the season, down to being literally frozen out --- and it’s most striking of all considering this is Keith we’re talking about. The one even the EPs describe as being so devoted to Shiro that he’d never dream --- let alone be capable of --- walking away (though the co-dependent note in that description skeeves me out some)... and then S7 starts and after the first episode, the two barely exchange any words. 

This was the one person Shiro was always vulnerable with, and Shiro was the one person Keith relaxed around. While yes, the team is way way overdue for doing that with each other beyond their original dynamics (and what I wouldn’t give for some real friendship-bonding between Allura and Keith, damn it), the complete absence made the season feel hollow. 

Just as Lance’s and Hunk’s friendship provided heart in the early seasons, so did Shiro’s and Keith’s. The absence of that, in S7, was nearly palpable. And it did make Keith look like someone who’d taken a long hard look at his best friend and decided Shiro was no longer worth it. This is the character who’d go back for a colleague even when the clock is ticking, who didn’t want to see Thace sacrifice himself, or see Regris killed, and went to the ends of the universe for Shiro? What wouldn’t he do for a friend? Unless, of course, that friend was killed, cloned, and brought back broken.

It comes down to two possible explanations: one is that the writers genuinely don’t know how to balance Keith’s devotion to Shiro while also letting Keith connect to the rest of the team. I’m having trouble believing they’d be that clueless about how friendships work, though. 

The other possibility is that we didn’t quite get the entire story when JDS said there’d been two versions of S6. I think what we’re seeing is the original script and storyboards for S7, leftover from when the EPs pitched a version where Shiro died at the end of S2 and never returned. 

The reason might’ve gone like this: we need N hours to sit down and write S7 with Shiro as Black Paladin (as they would for any other season). But if we just re-use the original storyboards with Keith as Black Paladin, we’ll save X dollars. Just edit a little to add Shiro, plus we’ll have the cash freed up to do [some set piece] so it’s really cool. 

JDS pitched the Atlas as the awesome and amazing consolation prize for Shiro, according to recent interviews. He might’ve argued the cost-cutting step would also let them expand Shiro’s role in the finale. 

My guess for the reason why Keith was the one to kill Sendak (besides the writers hating shiro and Keith needing to resolve every plotline himself now) is that Shiro killed Zarkon, the first major villain, so maybe that was one of their reasons to give that kill to Keith.

I was pondering that until I got to thinking about why the execs would reverse course and allow the EPs to shelve Shiro. I think that’s the reason Keith kills Sendak: it remained from the original storyline, where Keith took revenge on the person who’d tortured Keith’s best friend. Which in Shiro’s absence would’ve been powerful. In Shiro’s presence it’s... demoralizing. 

Bottom line: execs love cost reductions above all else. (Newsflash: DW is a business.) Given how the execs have consistently been described as pro-Shiro, cost is the only thing I can see convincing them otherwise. Especially if the series has already hit budget overruns from rewrites and redoes in previous seasons --- and if they’ve done this before to save money, by pasting Kuron where Keith would’ve been for most of S3-S6. 

That would explain why Keith doesn’t seem to even notice Shiro for most of S7. Because when the script was written, Shiro wasn’t there. 

note: it might also explain the EPs’ hints at a spoiler, but I’ll leave that wild speculation to @ptw30 to explain.

[norwes]

Mantel of Flames Theory

   So with everything that is going down in the game so far. I have some theories/ predictions for the campaign and where its going in the future. Two years we’ve been going strong but we all know, soon, with just a few more arcs. 3 in total, from my understanding. Then this epic story comes to an end and the world our characters leave behind will shape the world for our next campaign. 

   So with that in mind, I have a few predictions for upcoming events.

God of being an Asshole

   Tiamat and her dragons are going to be double crossed by Tharizdun and his cult. Tiamat is gonna take the brunt of the forces attacks and dragons will become even rarer as a result. She will be cast back into her prison, one way or another because I don’t believe Tharizdun will honor his word in letting them rule together. Everyone will be double crossed by him. Especially if Church and State fails their mission.

Tiamat’s Angles

   I also have to wonder where the hell are Tiamat’s angles are. Tharizdun’s are the Vassals we’ve encountered but we’ve only seen 3. What happened to the other 3? It’s not that I want to fight even more fallen angles, but I want to. Also, I want to take out the threat wholly and completely. Hunting down each and every last one. Burning books to prevent these sealed gods from ever having a chance to step onto the mortal world. Who knows what the solution is to that question. Is it even possible to kill a god?

   This part isn’t so much a prediction as it is a question. I think I remember Disaster Master saying something about Tiamat’s angles having already disappeared. Which brings up some interesting questions if that’s the case. Like, how did Tharidun’s make it so long and can this type of method be used to bring angles back? Or changing up some of the things?

  Alistair’s Arc

  Alistair is going to lose his kids. Be it one or all, Ali is going to lose them. He's gonna be unable to save his babies from his brothers. I also believe that Alistair can at least talk some reason into Ram. Unlike Lachlan, Ram does have a heart and is a real good guy. I think the kid most at risk is Magnus or Lilith. Magnus because he’s roaming and has encountered Torm followers before. Sure he has a guardian with him but they won’t be able to hold their own against Ram and Lach. Lilith is at risk just because she is so close to Alistair and where their home base is at the moment. But Lilith has more protection going for her. She has her team, school, close contact with the princes and the lead high guard in training. I doubt Mordred would let either Ram or Lach from kidnapping her. The twin boys are also at big risk but Maev and Morgan are watching over them. Alistair is going to have a rough time and at one point will transform. Bros will take it as some sort of sign. Given his transformation is White, Gold and a Pink/Purple creature and Bight Blue eyes. Close to Torm’s colors and a complete opposite to how Alistair normally looks. They will absolutely not see it coming. At least I hope not, cause that would mean they’ve been close and stalking the group for quite some time. That in of itself is a scary thought.

Canary’s Blade Quest

   She won’t kill Ryder but she will end up killing his gang members. Ryder is going to be heavily wounded/ maimed. He will be back and expose where the Shepard Ranch is which will spell disaster for the whole group. Emotionally, it’ll wreck everyone. How I think Ryder will do this, is by bugging on of Church and State with a magical tracker. Or something. Cause, sure, the Keep is relatively guarded, the city has defensives but the ranch home? It’s wide open for an attack, if it’s an onslaught, I don’t think even the angles could defend their babies if they brought down the fucking hammer.

Strong Hold near Blue Harbor

   Just a random thought hit me, we know where the enemy stronghold is- or at least one. It’s where reports of other Forerunners have been created. This is something that is in dire need of investigating and swift handling. Try and weaken the enemies as much as possible for out big show down. But why do I get the sinking feeling we are gonna for sure, have to at least face down Tiamat’s seal breaking. Do to it being the weaker of the two and with her have the ‘stronger’ forces aka the fucking beyond ancient dragons.

   I think this is we’re our first break out move will be and be the place that we’ll get to see if the Black Dragon we helped will join our side or not. I think it’ll have our big confrontation with at least one of the fallen angles. My guess the fallen angels that holds onto Althea’s soul and it’ll be Canary who must take it out. A big reminder is that we only have one shot with the blades. Three angles and three who have earned the right to wield them once in battle. We will be forced to ration out and choose which PC goes against which Fallen Angle.

   After the fight against the Strong Hold, we will then experience a massive counter attack. Which could cost us some of our NPC friends. Toxin and Waren being the most likely to fall during this assault. In my opinion. They will be trying to kill the other Fallen Angle’s proxies as many times as possible to speed things up and restore their power faster. Seeing as we’ve killed one angle. We will also have to be on high alert for assassins and shady traps because they have lots of connections and will be trying to eliminate us.

The End

  Marion and Ceric will have an epilog of marriage and their kiddos/ descendants will be in the next campaign. Given that we win and both make it through the final stretch of Mantle of Flames. (I honestly hope we have a cute little epilogue and that’s one of the scenes, those two are absolutely diabetes. Big fucking wedding of just yes) Even if the world ends, fucking get married in heaven. Doesn’t matter, their cuteness shall be eternal.

  I look forward to seeing what the epilogues hold for us at the end of Mantle of Flames. I’m so excited that this is soon coming to a grand conclusion. When we end this arc (Althaea’s) I cant wait to see what our “Else where” description is. Hinting at troubles ahead. Cause I absolutely love those things.

   Half angles will be protected, at least by Alistair and his cult. Ali really doesn’t want to kill any of the half angles, despite what anyone hast to say. Striving towards erasing the idea they are abominations but a strong symbol between morals and the devine. (At least that’s what Alistair will push) Symbols of unconditional love and a promise that the moral plane is not simply a playground for the gods. Cause all the half angles are just good bois! It’s a worthy cause to get behind- same with ending slavery... that’s something Church and State also have to do.

   I also think there’s going to be some sort of... I’m not quite sure what to call it but, the Church and State crew will have a significant mark on history. I don’t think I’d be like becoming gods ourselves, but perhaps some sort of lore. For fucks sake we’re going to slay angles. Be it for our failure or our victory. I wanna see how we’re going to affect next campaign! (I already have so many ideas for my next character for the next campaign)

Revenge

   The nymphs are totally going to rat and inform the Wardien brothers of Alistair were about and who’s he's been in contact with. IE, Church and State. Canary and Althea is sort of our secret weapon because they weren’t present. Also, Ali is totally going to tell her how and where the Nymphs are... if she's like some help... getting even... after all this. Rats get bats after all. Unfortunate for this group of Numphs to unwittingly step into the wrathful crosshairs.

Welp, that’s what I believe we’ll have to experience in the future. Some of it is vague but as well continue onwards I’ll get more specific and see what predictions are right or not.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hey, I was wondering if you would consider writing a story where James is a muggle but he has a family member living with his who is I wizard/witch so he knows about magic. He meets Sirius who tries to hide the whole magic thing but still manages to mess up sometimes. Things escalate to where something happens and everything comes out. Whether James knows about Sirius being a wizard or just about magic in general would be interesting to see.

((Vaguely nsfw directly after the cut, but nothing after the next break))

Sirius was just getting water, and then he saw the most exquisite being in the world and stopped cold. He was fit as all hell, an old shirt setting loose on his frame and highlighting his muscles. He had messy hair that might have been natural but also might have been because he'd just gotten thoroughly shagged-- and somehow that didn’t turn Sirius off in the slightest, it only made him want to be the reason for it the next time.

He didn't realise that he was staring until the man spoke up. "Something on my face mate?"

Sirius blinked, then flushed as he realized that he'd been caught. He cleared his throat and averted his eyes like that could undo the past... however long he'd been looking. "Nothing that doesn't belong there."

His brow furrowed like he couldn't tell if that was an insult or not, and Sirius wanted to slap himself. He was a flirt, he should be able to say one charming thing. "Er. Okay. My name's James by the way. In case that's, y'know, something you're into."

Sirius choked on his next breath, turning red from lack of oxygen and also his inability to comprehend that.

"You one of Lily's friends?"

"Er, yeah. Sirius."

James frowned again. "Yeah, of course I'm being serious."

"No I- I'm Sirius. My name. Like the," he pointed up as if at the sky, "star. In Canis Major."

His face smoothed out, and he let out a little laugh. "Oh. Sorry about that. Nice to meet you Sirius."

"Nice to meet you too. So er, how do you know Lily?" Definitely not from Hogwarts; Sirius would remember a bloke like this hanging around.

"Cousin. And you?"

"From school." She had family here? This was mostly a 'we survived being adults for a year' party, and Sirius had thought-- until this moment-- that they were the only ones here, and that the reason they weren't using magic was because of the muggle neighbourhood and not, y'know, muggle guests. "You er," Sirius licked his lips and glanced behind him, "here with anyone?"

"Well considering that Lils is the only one I know, I can't say I am. Why?" he asked, clearly knowing the answer but wanting to tease Sirius all the same.

"Gods Jamie, you really gonna make me say it?"

"Well if you're already comfortable enough to call me 'Jamie', you should be able to tell me what you wanna do to me."

Sirius choked on his tongue. "You don't waste any time do you?"

"Why bother?" James said with a shrug and a cocky smirk. "It would leave less time for more..." he paused, looking Sirius over appreciatively, "enjoyable venues."

~~~

Sirius was shoved against the wall, and he moaned loudly as James licked and bit at his neck, rubbing his erection against the line of Sirius's hip. He whimpered when James worried at a sensitive spot just under his ear, going at it hard enough that he would definitely have to heal it in the morning or risk everyone seeing it.

He usually hated that, but right now it was the hottest shit he'd ever experienced, and he arched into it, holding James closer as he rolled his hips.

James clearly knew what he was doing, testing Sirius for what he liked and, when he found a spot, showered it with love before moving on to the next spot. It ended up with Sirius shirtless, his trousers undone and his pants pushed strangely on his hips where James's hands had pushed and rubbed against him while James was still fully clothed.

"My- my room's oh Merlin--"

He could feel James grin against his skin, and he did something with his hand so that it felt like he was massaging Sirius's cock.

"James," he whined, voice embarrassingly high in his throat.

"Yeah Si?" James sounded breathless, and that was a bloody rush to his ego because he'd barely done anything; he'd mostly just let James touch him however he wanted.

"Want a bed?"

"Beds are overrated," he growled, thrusting his hips in a way that left no doubt in Sirius's mind as to where he'd rather shag him (ie, against the wall).

"Maybe," Sirius agreed with a gasp. "But I don't have-" he tried to think of what the muggle protection was called, but he couldn't think of the word and settled on "-stuff in my pockets."

"Oh sweetheart I think everyone knows that your pockets are empty." James ran his hands over Sirius's arse-- and his skin-tight trousers-- appreciatively, letting go after giving it a squeeze. "C'mon where's your room, love?"

~~~

Sirius had woken up the next day with James still in his bed, a delightful ache in his arse, and a head-full of great memories of the previous night. He wanted that for the foreseeable future, so he didn't think twice about telling James that they should go on a date. He'd agreed, they exchanged numbers-- which Sirius fortunately had as Lily absolutely refused to owl people from her muggle flat-- and Sirius didn't truly realise that magic would be an obstacle until much later in the day.

Well, how hard could it be? He'd slipped up and said 'Merlin' last night, and James hadn't said a word about it, so it would probably be the easiest thing in the world. If he got James out of the deal? Yeah, there was no question.

~~~

Sirius liked to think that he did pretty well hiding magic from James. He slipped up a few times, asking for a quill instead of a pen, trying and failing to explain why he had fur on his couch when he had no dog, the occasional charm for cleaning and cooking that he didn't think twice about casting even in James’s presence, that sort of thing.

James accepted each and every excuse with a confused little smile, but he never questioned Sirius about it further. He was so trusting, and Sirius almost felt guilty for taking advantage of that, but it's not like he was going to hurt him, right? This was the law they were talking about, and unlike the animagus thing, this felt more serious.

Besides, he didn't even know if James was serious about him, and if James wasn't in this for the long haul, then they didn't need to bother with the magic reveal.

~~~

"Er..." James was staring at Padfoot with wide, slightly alarmed eyes. "Hey there." He was making an obvious effort to remain calm, keeping his posture and tone unaffected in the hopes that it would keep the gigantic dog in Sirius's flat calm. Sirius always insisted that he didn't have a dog, so James really didn't know what to make of this, but his mind was whirring, trying to find an answer.

For Sirius's part, he froze when James spoke. He turned slowly, and he hadn't meant for it to look menacing, but apparently it was easy to confuse mild panic with aggression because James looked even more worried.

"Okay I'm going to really hope that you're mates with Sirius and not actually a sodding bear dog that's about to murder me. I swear, that guy never tells me anything," he said, giving a nervous chuckle. "What I mean to say is that if you're- er, y'know, magic or whatever, now would be a good time to change or leave or summat."

Sirius cocked his head, heart pounding. Did James just say magic? Was he being serious or was he joking? Sirius honestly had no idea, and while that terrified him, it didn't feel like something he would be able to get out of. So, he padded to his bedroom, feeling James's eyes on him, and stepped just inside the door to change so that he was out of sight.

Chewing on his lip, Sirius stuck his head out the door. Instead of panicking like he'd been terrified that James would, he looked relieved.

"Oh thank god," James said, walking towards him and body slumping with relief. "Just so I know, is that always you?" He gestured back towards the living room where they'd had their awkward run-in moments ago. "Or will it be someone else the next time I accidentally walk in? And while I'm at it, Sirius, why don't you ever lock your door? I know you can defend yourself or whatever, but I don't want you to wind up dead in case you don't have your wand on you or summat."

There were a million things Sirius wanted to ask and say to him, but all he managed was a stuttered, "You... you know?" He'd been careful to not let him see too much, and he knew everything? Well, he amended, not everything, as he seemed to think that anyone could be an animagus and that its form could be taken by anyone that felt like it.

James frowned. "Er, yeah? I mean, I didn't see you actually change just now, but it's... pretty obvious what just happened. Especially since you kept telling me that you didn't have a dog," he said, wrinkling his nose. "If you didn't want me to know, you should have come up with a better lie ahead of time."

"No I mean- about magic? You know?"

James blinked. "Yeah. Lily was pretty loose with the truth when she was younger." Pretty much as soon as Petunia had decided to be a bitch about it because she wanted someone to confide in and her go to person had just decided that she hated her, Lily had reached out for someone new. "I thought you knew that I knew?"

Dumbly, Sirius shook his head.

"Oh. Well that explains a few things."

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be?"

"I never told you," Sirius said uncomfortably.

"Lily did mention a few years ago that it was illegal, so I learned to keep my mouth shut about it."

"And you're okay with it?"

"Well yeah."

"Oh Merlin." Sirius pulled James into a desperate hug. "I was so worried you'd leave when you found out."

"Er, nope." Clearly not expecting Sirius to react like this, James pat him on the back awkwardly. “I’ve got a magical boyfriend, and it’s fine.”

[ivythewitch]

So, they found out you’re Wiccan...

This is mostly aimed at what to say to people when they find out you are a Wiccan, but can be slightly altered for Pagans or Witches in general if desired.

(United States focused for all the law bits)

The first bit is what a minor can say if they are found out and their parent/guardians are freaking out. The second is what an adult (18+) can say to their family/friends who are freaking out. The Third bit is what you can say to your Boss or Co-workers

In each section I will state any legalities I know of that exist surrounding that situation, and then some common questions and  answers you can respond to them with. Hopefully this helps everyone with “Coming out” or “Unveiling” or whatever term you use to state announcing that you are a Witch/Wiccan/Pagan whether you do so at the time of your own choosing or not.

I will also try to explain the mindset of the person who is freaking out so you can understand the reason behind their reactions if you don’t already. The info comes from my own experience though, so it will vary.

If you use this to aide you in announcing yourself on your own time, please always be sure that doing so will not put you at risk of losing your HOME JOB OR OTHERWISE. Those things are often much more important than someone knowing you don’t worship the same as them or you cast spells in your free time. Stay safe above all else!!!

Minors to their parents:

If a parent or guardian sees or learns of you practicing Wicca, and they freak out, what can you say or do? In the United States according to the Law, your parents CAN tell you what religious path you have to follow until the day you are 18, but at the same time its generally understood that those over the age of 12 or 13 understand religion well enough to make their own minds up on the matter so in Court, you would have the same first amendment rights as your parents of Freedom of Religion. Courts will usually side with the parents though, because as a minor it is their duty to raise you the best way they know and unless your health and welfare is at risk they can do as they see fit until you turn 18.

Here are some common questions or things parents might say if they find you aren’t adhering to their religious choice:

You’re worshiping the Devil/something evil/unholy! This one usually comes from a place of fear and initial shock and anger. They know deep down that its probably not the case, and you know too. But they usually jump to this conclusion because they fear they have failed as a parent to do their duty of raising you “the right way” (IE the only way they know how) typically they will calm down and acknowledge you aren’t worshiping the Christian form of the Devil and they will start to ask other things.

Why are you doing this to me? This one isn’t so much a question meant for you. This pulls off their fear that they have failed as a parent. When they ask this question it is now your job to reassure them you are not abandoning everything they have ever taught you, because in 99% of cases you aren’t. You might not believe in the same God anymore, but you still believe in right from wrong, you still will help those in need, you are still a good person, just your outlook on Faith has changed.

You’re possessed! This is yet another fear based reaction. There are those parents who will never get past this point of their reaction in which case, I STRONGLY suggest you stop all practicing until you turn 18. Especially if they say they will act on the possession and seek help from a Priest or counselor. (who hopefully will calm them down...)

When they can calm down enough to have a true conversation, here are the things my own mother and grandmother asked me and how I responded. (my answers won’t match up to everyone, I follow a different Wiccan tradition than a lot of people so feel free to add your own responses)

So what exactly do you believe about God? Do you believe in God? What about Jesus? I believe in God, but I also believe God has a feminine counterpart that assisted him in creating the Universe. I think Jesus was a great man, who did great things, but at this time I am unsure of his being a true savior of the entire human race.

But you still know who the True God is right honey?(This one was from my Grandmother, and honestly it broke my heart and I struggled to keep my voice from shaking over the phone when I responded) I don’t believe there is one true God. I believe that there are many different people in the world and so there are many different Gods. I will tell you I believe in the true way to be a good person, which I believe is the way you raised me, and I am still that same person I was yesterday.

What about Heaven? What about being with your family in eternity? I believe in a version of the afterlife similar to Heaven, but like everyone, I have no idea if its right or not. And none of us will know until we get there. I hope that we get to be together after death, but again, no one knows.

So you don’t worship anything/anyone evil? You know me, when have a hurt a fly other than fighting with my brothers? I do not think i would be capable of looking at something evil and saying “I want to worship that” You raised me to see the good and evil in things. So no, I do not worship anyone Evil or bad.

Adults to their Family and Friends and Neighbors

According to US law, if you are over age 18, you are considered an Adult and can worship whoever under the first Amendment rights for Freedom of Religion. It is your choice who you associate with and what you do with your religious beliefs, and as long as you aren’t hurting anyone physically, its generally understood in courts that they can’t tell you how to practice your faith. If you follow a faith that requires a form of living thing sacrifice, there are special laws you follow for animals in some places, (but human sacrifice should be avoided because illegal) (please note HEAVY SARCASM HERE. DON’T MURDER OR SACRIFICE PEOPLE ITS BAD!!)

If another adult comes to you and complains at you about your religious choice, walk away if you want, but if they start doing things to threaten your home (trust me I have seen this happen) talking to them, inviting them over for a holiday meal and celebration, extending a hand of friendship works wonders. Most people will respond out of fear of what they don’t understand or recognize, so learning to respond with kindness instead of with the same fire goes a long way.

Again, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone as an adult (unless in a court of law) so you can decide what to say or explain. And who to give information to or not. If you have a nosy neighbor who is the head of your HOA and could make your life hell, I would consider befriending them and letting them know whats what. If you have a friend who starts being super judgy and won’t listen to you, probably not a great friend to begin with.

Adults/Older minors to their Bosses/Coworkers

Its SUPER ILLEGAL in the US for ANY EMPLOYER to discriminate against you before during and after hiring you for a job based on your religion.

But with this in mind, you must have PROOF of the discrimination and WITNESSES to back your proof up (again, trust me on that) if you decide to take the employer to court.

Co-Workers can ask you questions about your faith, but you can tell them “I am sorry I don’t wish to discuss that here at work” Same with your boss, if they ask, they are breaking the law and you can remind them as such.

I had a boss point blank ask me if I was a Devil worshiper back in 2013. I responded with “Not that its really any of your business as my employer Sir, but no, my faith worships nature as God and I do not wish to continue this conversation without recordings if you seek to proceed” This shut him up real quick, but I started being treated differently and began the process to take him to court and left that job soon after.