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#and i'm FURIOUS at myself about it
arkon-z · 1 year
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Why do I always remember that I never do anything right the first time after I do the thing? I'm too impatient and too impulsive to follow directions if they're only given as suggestions. Instead of taking a foundations class, I jumped right into what turned out to be an advanced class and I ended up wrenching my shoulder. If I don't find a way to get this impulsiveness under control, I am going to ruin myself, I just know it.
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today in art class we had to place newspaper under our artwork to keep the tables clean, and by great ol' chance the paper I got had a story about Aaron Bushnell. Right in clean view for me. I was using the class as some time to chill out amongst some other stresses I have going on today so I didn't stop to read much but I did take some peeks.
There was an opinion piece next to it. Criticizing Bushnell. Saying there's nothing glorious about suicide. I could've laughed. Because obviously there isn't. That's the point.
This isn't glory, this is horrific. It's ugly. It's screaming for the freedom of those who are experiencing worse than what Bushnell did. He says it himself, that his fate was not extreme compared to that of many Palestinians.
Why do you need it to be glorious?
If your sense of who's the good side is the side in better spirits, better health, better mood, better status, your setting yourself to side with the oppressors.
Fuck your comfort. Fuck you.
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buttercupshands · 4 months
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wait a minute
Tumblr media Tumblr media
stop.
stop it.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#mha spoilers#mha 423#I didn't hate this chapter before that#but now I am#because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS?????#yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently#so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku#I don't care honestly.#I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then#but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters#even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again#and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter#I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there#but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE#and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him#and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more#even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa#and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS#the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before#it's worse now#like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear#all while protecting him from harm one last time#AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA#I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA#I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus#I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW#I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping#kurogiri
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sepiamestus · 7 months
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It always rubs me the wrong way when people characterize atsushi as too much of a sweetheart. Like he IS a sweetheart but he's also snarky and sarcastic and most importantly he's very very angry. Do not forget this.
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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frankensteinmutual · 4 months
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one of my housemates is so fucking sensitive it turns me into a person I do not like
#like i always thought /i/ was 'overly' sensitive but my god. you cannot say ANYTHING around her#every little thing is too much for her everything is a trigger everything makes her tell you it wasn't okay for you to say around her or not#warning her about first like my sister in christ how the fuck should i have known this was a problem for you#maybe print out a trigger list and send it to all of us or something#but breathing is probably on there so#truly i hate how i sound i don't want to be like this but she's just playing the victim so severely it makes me aggressive it's like. primal#and I don't care when she flees from the room all the time when we're just having normal conversations because honestly I'm glad when she's#gone but she projects her issues onto everyone and everything around her like she cannot comprehend that maybe she has a fucking problem and#should maybe learn to deal with the fucking world#people aren't horrible for simply existing around you being themselves like. ny god it just makes me so furious#like i am AWARE that i have deficits; things that are easy for other people or come natural to them that i have issues with and that's fine#I'm learning to live in my way#and i can still love myself and not blame myself for having these problems without turning everyone around me and the whole fucking world#into the problem instead#i don't know if I'm even conveying what i mean#it's just this fucking victim complex that's driving me up the walls#she sees herself as so innocent and actually she's treating people like shit#man do i wish i could smoke about this
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perroulisses · 8 months
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she was bald :(
but she had the power of god and anime on her side :)
then government happened.
and then she died :(
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trans-axolotl · 1 year
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so hot out. fainted twice already today! chugged a gatorade. trying to do things but i think the rest of the day will be for lying on the floor. trying not to get lost in my brain but this place is full of ghosts and i am haunted. just going to hold. until i leave tomorrow night.
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writedisaster · 9 days
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you'd think that the biggest silmhead* among my muses would be the middle-aged librarian, but you'd be wrong. It's the dubiously 20-something sideshow crust punk.
*silmhead, (n.) - an enjoyer of Tolkien's Silmarillion, esp. one whose enthusiasm verges on the rabid and/or encyclopedic
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irisbaggins · 7 months
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Not going to actually tag this with his name, this is mostly for y'all following me and for my own piece of mind, but:
I cannot express how horrified I was when I watched Harris's video. How I felt like somebody had doused me in cold water, how reality slapped me in the face. I had, in my relief of finally submitting my thesis, forgotten plagiarists existed. Specifically, people who hunt down Bachelor papers to use because they're made by students, because we're oftentimes not actively looking up the topic of our thesis anymore. I spent a ridiculous amount of time googling my own topic to check if something may have happened, paranoid it might have happened. And, in hindsight, I know why I did it, even if back then it may have felt irrational; because I fought tooth and nail to finish that paper, to write it and submit it and pass it. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into it, and the possibility of somebody just stealing that felt infuriating. They just took the easy road whilst I laboured to get it done despite everything trying to stop me. That idea infuriated me, and it still does. I still feel that rage at the mere thought.
I just. I cannot understand anyone who thinks plagiarism "isn't a big deal". I don't understand the people defending this asshole for doing what he did, for telling us all that our feelings don't matter, that our work doesn't matter. I just. I feel so angry about all of this.
I also find it both ridiculously funny and blood-boiling infuriating that Norway is still having its own plagiarism scandals. Some of our elected officials are still being called out for it (one of them in our fucking education department!!), and still denying it! I cannot escape this shit, of being told that our concerns don't matter! Plagiarism is theft! What's so hard to understand about that?!
#text_loke#RAGE! I FEEL RAGE!!#can you tell i read ANOTHER article about the fucker that still insists she did nothing wrong? even when the University of Trondheim-#-calls her out on it? can you tell i'm furious that i hear this bullshit at all sides as of late??#i have many thoughts but i can feel myself close to passing out. i need to sleep. not be enraged#and yes i did feel fear that my work was stolen! because the topic falls RIGHT into what somerton would've stolen!#my topic was fully queer and about a piece of media! and because of the niche topic i kinda know very fast if anybody has stolen my shit :)#which is also why i'm not saying what it is. due to that being very likely to doxx myself#so yeah. when i saw certain parts of Harris's video i did feel fear. because what i wrote falls under that category of 'genre stolen from'#aka. my niche subject about queer themes written by a student (in English) from a small country (5 mil)#like. i hate even saying this! because it feels like making myself oh so important! no! i don't think i am!#which is what makes this so frustrating! because i feel irrational! i feel like i'm being too self-centered in my fear!#i don't know how to process this! i just! i'm frustrated and angry and this is why i haven't spoken on this before!#because i DON'T think my work is good enough for anybody to really notice#but the slim chance that ONE PERSON might sparked my paranoia. and now it won't shut up#however. i now will because i am becoming nonsensical. i am exhausted
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grinchwrapsupreme · 8 months
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discovering that my favourite part of writing a novel is editing it like what the hell is my problem
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. Sorry im ranting its been a weird day gonna go clean now
#i try not to betray too much of myself (selective overdisclosure)#BUT#it makes me FURIOUS on that post about rap haters being racist (chill and good) that people are getting accolades for shitting on country#because like#there is some weird stuff#as there is in any genre! remember kanye and marilyn manson?#but by and large as a genre? there's so much variety in it#and so much feeling and heart and relatability#poetry that makes you cry etc#i am never able to listen to it in the presence of others#because some fucker has to be like 'uhuhuhuhuh white supremacy' 'uhuhuhu bad music what even is a truck'#im like go fuck yourself#im not saying this belongs next to the conversation about rap;#both are a problem of classism and one has intersecting racism that makes it a far more serious cultural phenomenon#but it makes me fucking furious people cant see their own hypocrisy#and im just leftover bitter because i have to self censor because of that in the culture i relocated to#i can laugh at the ridiculous shit#but you know#arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#it also a little bit feels less when i'm displaced#which then makes me even sadder and feel more and MORE pissed off#idk#im sad im so far away from my home and it hurts to see people pissed off about something they don't know#emotionally anyway#im not trying to make everything about me also. like. others have it worse and i know this#i just came here on a dream of money and joy and im here and i have friends which is lovely but im broke and starving etc#and sad and randomly yelled at all the time by upset homeless people#didnt know what i had smh
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seraxfemme · 4 months
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🔥
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ragnarlothcat · 2 years
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random question but were you in any fandom(s) before obikin/star wars? and are you the kind of person that sets goals for new years? if so, do you have any goals for 2023? fic related or not!
I've been in other fandoms but never as involved as I am now. I wrote fic as a teenager and then never finished it (as opposed to now, of course) but never really spoke to other writers or joined communities or anything. This is way more fun!
I'm normally not a goal kind of person but for 2020 I had a goal for a sport I do that was going to be easily achievable. Instead there was a global pandemic and I couldn't go the gym for 18 months so I failed because of circumstances outside my control. I'm not saying my resolution caused the pandemic but I'm still not risking it this year. If I set writing goals there's a decent chance my hands fall off just to spite me.
I can say I want to finish one WIP though, that's not so bad 🤔 And at least one of them is short (I say, dooming myself to fifty more chapters) so I think it's achievable! Maybe I'll finish more! Maybe I'll start thirty new ones and not finish them! I am a naturally high-stress person so as long as I am not making myself miserable by accident I consider it a win.
Thank you 🥰 I hope if you have goals you reach them or at least have fun trying!
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dredshirtroberts · 1 year
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hey guess what my car trauma includes the *inside* of the car too apparently! :D :| idk i feel like getting made fun of for having to eat fast food in my car between work and school while my catalytic converter shat itself to the point that my back seat footwells were filled completely with various QSR trash maybe gave me some sort of complex. Just a hunch though, who knows.
#i fucking despise my father today#perhaps instead of making fun of people who are exhibiting signs of struggle we find out what their struggle is#and help them out with it might be a more 'christian' thing to do Dad#but that would also require me to be a people to him and for anyone's struggles to be categorized by HIM as struggling#and his criteria is *narrow* on that front#god i hate this man so much right now i am just furious#yes there was a (only sort of) related incident that set me off on this - no it's not important or actually relevant#because i live with *nice* people now who understand that folks be going through some shit and also are willing to help when they can#but also my anxiety spiked so hard and fast my body only registered it as anger and i ended up snapping at my partner for no good reason#and i'm frustrated and embarrassed and sad about that even though we just talked it out and it's okay i think#because like...they didn't need that. they don't need to deal with all of this nonsense - neither partner nor meta do#and the fact that things like this happen on a semi-regular basis makes me so....#well frustrated embarrassed and sad#and angry but i try to direct that where it's actually meant to go and not at myself as much because a lot of the things i do#are coping mechanisms and behavior patterns that i no longer need to keep me safe#but i don't have as many backup options as I had previously thought and it's hard to reach for new ones when i'm In A State#so we're just...handling it. It's fine. I'm fine.#i do hate my father though
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zincbot · 2 years
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robot body when
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