#all i had to do was sign up for the foundation course LIKE THE WEBSITE SAID

[arkon-z]

Why do I always remember that I never do anything right the first time after I do the thing? I'm too impatient and too impulsive to follow directions if they're only given as suggestions. Instead of taking a foundations class, I jumped right into what turned out to be an advanced class and I ended up wrenching my shoulder. If I don't find a way to get this impulsiveness under control, I am going to ruin myself, I just know it.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Interview transcript

YouTube's transcript services don't include punctuation or indicate who's talking. I did the best I could trying to figure out who was speaking when without having to watch the video.

I'll put it below the cut.

But here's the TL;DR -

Archewell is launching a new website for parents to help them deal with the loss of a child from cyberbullying or social media use, as well as to help them navigate the effect of social media on their children's mental health.

There's a lot of word salad.

Meghan uses her suidical ideation from February 2019 as a way to connect with people. She becomes visibly uncomfortable when the interviewer brings it up, to the point that she asks Meghan about it and Meghan gives some word salad. I wonder if this was the bit that made her start screaming at the producer (per CDAN).

Edit to add: I just watched the snippet when the interviewer is talking about Meghan's suicidal ideation, and HOLY COW BATMAN. She hasn't blinked that fast or that much since royal days. She definitely didn't like that line of questioning. Or she was trying to "one tear, left eye, go."

the Duke and Duchess of Sussex inaugurate a new online site today that most of us will never have occasion to visit a good thing it turns out Jane Paulie talks with Megan and Harry about their undertaking and the reasons behind it.

on a brilliant summer day near Santa Barbara last week a group of friends got together this was not your typical receiving line

hi

the Duke and Duchess of Sussex better known as Harry and Megan are definitely big Huggers it was a meeting of an exclusive Club

 oh it's good to meet you

and one that none of them wanted to join most of the parents here have lost a child directly or indirectly as a result of exposure to online social media Harry and Megan are trying to give them and parents like them some place to turn for help it's called the parents Network in

association with the couple's charitable archwell foundation and officially launches today

oh my gosh I'm so so happy you're here

thank you

Megan herself knows a thing or two about online bullying and how do you do and of course her husband Harry is no Stranger to that either or to unspeakable grief

the central topic is the loss that these families have suffered stories that need to be shared because the parents who are listening who have not suffered a loss think that they couldn't but they could they certainly could and that's I think one of the scariest things that we've learned over the course of the last 15 17 years that social media has been around and more so recently is that that it could happen to absolutely anybody I mean we always talk about in the olden days if your kids were under your roof you knew what they were up to at least they were safe right and now they can be in the next door room on a tablet or on a phone and can be going down these rabbit holes and before you know it within 24 hours they could be taking their life our kids are young they're three and five they're amazing but all you want to do as parents is protect them and so as we can see what's happening in the online space we know that there's a lot of work

to be done there and we're just happy to be able to be a part of well you when your children ask for help someone you know is is there to to give it you know not if you know how to help thank you at this point we've got to the stage where almost every parent needs to be a first

responder and even the best First Responders in the world wouldn't be able to tell the signs of possible suicide like that that is the terrifying piece of this you can't tell this story to everybody people don't understand

it's something Donna and Chris Dolly know all too well they 17-year-old son CJ died from suicide after what they believe was depression fueled by social media use

but your son had a demon in his bedroom

I think so yes we had no idea what happened to our son you know he had a beautiful car he worked and and did that he had a job he liked sisters loved him parents adored him yes and he was happy he was a happy kid

like so many parents in their place the dollies say a factor in their son's depression and death was his smartphone a device designed to be so addictive that he couldn't put it down not even in the minutes before he died he still had it in his hand the phone that's how addicted he was he couldn't even kill himself without posting about it first and like the dollies it's often impossible for parents or anyone else to see that someone was so deep in despair that they'd consider taking their own

life Megan Markle has been there as she told Oprah Winfrey in 2021 look I was really ashamed to say it at the time and a sham to have to admit it to Harry especially um because I know how much loss he suffered mhm but I knew that if I didn't say it that I would do it and I I just didn't I just didn't want to be alive anymore

you had a an an experience that connects you to these these families and I see you touch your husband's hand in just the way I knew uh that you would be looking after each other if I went places but the connection that you have with people is they know you you had suffered too personally contemplating killing yourself is what suicidal ideation was and I'm I'm dancing around this because I see you're uncomfortable

with my even even going there do you I understand why you are though

I wasn't expecting it but I understand why you are because there is a a through line I think and when you've been through any level of pain or trauma I believe part of our healing Journey certainly part of mine is being able to be really open about it and I you know haven't really scraped the surface on my experience but I do think that I would never want someone else to feel that way and I would never want someone else to be making those sort of plans and I would never want someone else to not be believed so if me voicing what I have um overcome will save someone or asks or encourage someone in their life to really genuinely check in on them and not assume that the appearance is good so everything's okay then that's worth it I'll I'll take a hit for that

what does it this inperson Gathering was just for the launch the parents network will meet mostly online but group facilitator Leora wolf prusan says the important thing is what the group will talk about we're going to stop expecting you to be done with your grief in a year we're

going to to stop um telling you that we're tired of hearing the stories of Internet harm like we will say your kids' name over and over again cuz they existed and they mattered and that we know that it wasn't your fault that's it right it wasn't your fault this happened to you and now we as a community get to create something with you knowing that we're helping  thers and and even if that saves one kid and one family's heartache that's enough

these are some of the group's charter members Taj and Seline Swanson Jensen whose son Tanner died from an overdose of drugs pushed online England was the youngest of she was the young as 14 years old Brandy and Tony Roberts who lost their daughter England to suicide after online bullying and pear Mendoza whose son Eli died when a painkiller he bought online was actually a lethal dose of fentanyl

thank you for being here but I have to you know ask why would you do this why would you do this

simple answer so others don't have to live what we've lived and will continue to live I don't expect anything from anyone this is just a Labor of Love in honor of my son and all the other children that have lost their lives to fenel this is for the mother who cannot get out of bed for the dad that won't leave his house I stand here for them too I hope that one day when it's my turn to go home I'll see my son and he'll he'll tell me good job Mama

The idea here is that there is comfort and Power in numbers with the goal as Harry himself once said of turning pain into purpose and the two of you this is um it's a modest beginning you know it's not an army of parents no yet no um but

What are your Ambitions?

I think you have to start somewhere I think the simplest thing that anyone watching this or anyone who's able to make change to look at it through the lens of what if it was my daughter what if it was my son my son or my daughter who comes home who are joyful who I love and one day right under my roof our entire lives change because of something that was completely out of our control and if you look at it through the lens as a parent there is no way to see that any other way than to try to find a solution.

[totaleditorial]

Brand Building for Burgeoning Poets—Why it Matters and How to Do it Well

The post below is the November 8, 2023 issue of TellTellPoetry.com's newsletter. Sign-up for the newsletter on their website.

Brand Building for Burgeoning Poets—Why it Matters and How to Do it Well

You know your writing is good. Your friends and family adore the samples you’ve shared. Teachers in school wrote notes in the margins of your homework saying things like “Great voice!” and “Your word choice is spectacular.” But now that you’re working on getting people who aren’t in your inner circle (yet) to fall in love with your poetry, you feel overwhelmed. It might seem like standing out among thousands of other talented authors is going to be a near-impossible task, but it doesn’t have to be.

As an emerging author, it’s important to realize that you aren’t just trying to “get your words out there.” Of course, that’s your bread and butter, but your brand is a vital tool that will help you publish your poetry and connect with a wider audience. If you can dial in your unique voice, use consistent themes, personalize your aesthetic, and build authenticity into your persona, you’ll be growing a loyal fanbase before you know it. 

Let’s dive in.

Find and Hone Your Unique Voice

The first step in laying a good foundation for your poetry brand is knowing who you are, and how you sound. Your voice is what sets you apart from other authors, and will ultimately be one of the most important aspects of retaining readership. It’s the way you share personality through the page via syntax, grammar, tone, imagery, rhythm, diction, punctuation, and more. 

Take these poems, for instance:

Tell me it was for the hunger & nothing less. For hunger is to give the body what it knows it cannot keep. That this amber light whittled down by another war is all that pins my hand to your chest.

– Ocean Vuong

I drove all the way to Cape Disappointment but didn’t have the energy to get out of the car. Rental. Blue Ford Focus. I had to stop in a semipublic place to pee on the ground. Just squatted there on the roadside. I don’t know what’s up with my bladder. I pee and then I have to pee and pee again. Instead of sightseeing I climbed into the back seat of the car and took a nap. I’m a little like Frank O’Hara without the handsome nose and penis and the New York School and Larry Rivers. Paid for a day pass at Cape Disappointment thinking hard about that long drop from the lighthouse to the sea. Thought about going into the Ocean Medical Center for a check-up but how do I explain this restless search for beauty or relief?

– Diane Seuss

They descend from the boat two by two. The gap in Angela Davis’s teeth speaks to the gap in James Baldwin’s teeth. The gap in James Baldwin’s teeth speaks to the gap in Malcolm X’s Teeth. The gap in Malcolm X’s teeth speaks to the gap in Malcolm X’s teeth. The gap in Condoleezza Rice’s teeth doesn’t speak. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard kisses the Band Aid on Nelly’s cheek. Frederick Douglass’s side part kisses Nikki Giovanni’s Thug Life tattoo. The choir is led by Whoopi Goldberg’s eyebrows. The choir is led by Will Smith’s flat top. The choir loses its way. The choir never returns home. The choir sings funeral instead of wedding, sings funeral instead of allegedly, sings funeral instead of help, sings Black instead of grace, sings Black as knucklebone, mercy, junebug, sea air. It is time for war.

– Morgan Parker

Clearly, these authors’ writing styles vary greatly, which affects how we perceive their work. The je ne sais quoi of each writer’s voice ties together the other elements of their writing for truly unique, recognizable work.

Maybe you were lucky enough to find your voice early—if so, congrats! If, like many, you’re still working on it, fear not. There are plenty of ways to strengthen your voice through writing exercises, intentional reading, freewriting, and more. The more you work at it, the more confident you will become in your writing.

If consistent writing isn’t helping, try studying the works of authors with distinct voice and see if you can notice what makes their writing truly theirs. 

Crafting Your Poetry Brand

Once your voice is dialed in, it’s time to focus on how you present yourself and your work. The themes you write about, your style, and your tone should become consistent, so that someone who reads your work can tell you wrote it, even if your name isn’t on the page.

Think of how you want the look of your work to feel. Do you want it to feel like a cozy reading nook? A surf shop? A yoga studio? A greenhouse? A midnight walk down 5th Avenue? Consider your voice, the tone of your writing, and your authentic personality, and match your look to them. Your aesthetics will become part of your calling card across cover art, social media, your website, in-person signage, and beyond, so it’s important to get them right.

Build a Memorable Author Persona

Both online and in person, getting people to want to revisit your work relies on a consistent persona. Social media and (eventually) your website will be key places you engage with your audience. Make sure to respond to comments, reach out to other authors, and cultivate a community around your work. 

Authentic interaction is a huge draw and will not only help grow your audience, but it will make sure your audience is made up of “your people.” You don’t have to turn your life into a 100%-always-on content-fest, but make sure that the content you do share isn’t overly polished. Just be real with people and they’ll respect it. Relatability is rad.

Of course you’ll need to extend your persona beyond the internet, but being consistent with your brand at in-person events isn’t tricky if you’re being yourself (again…just be real and people will respect it). You’ll attract the type of people you want reading your poetry much more easily this way than if you try to be someone you’re not.

Need some inspiration? Check out these website for a few stellar examples of authors who have crafted an authentic online experience that reflects who they are. Note the continued elements between social pace and website, as well as what each does differently:

Chen Chen Website | Social

Sam Payne Social

Marya Layth Website | Social

So You Built a Brand. What Next?

You honed your voice, you put together a killer aesthetic, and you’re starting to see your audience grow. Using this personal brand as a foundation, shift your focus to getting your work in front of as many eyes as possible. Luckily, there are plenty of avenues to explore. Whether you’re marketing a book, a self-published poetry collection, or submitting your work to literature magazines and journals, it’s important to get your writing somewhere people can see it. That can (and should) be done on social media, but make sure to check out local poetry scenes as well as online communities. You’ll make valuable connections with your target audience and maybe even set yourself up for a mutually beneficial collaboration or other project down the road!

Consistency in your branding is key, but consistency in your writing is also key (no surprise there). Getting your brand up and running, and promoting your work afterwards, will be work. But make sure to keep writing with frequency—after all, that’s why you’re ultimately doing this in the first place!

And don’t forget—feedback is your friend. Listen to what others have to say about your style, your look, your tone, etc. Even if it is a criticism, the people you care about just want to see you succeed. Sure, you don’t have to pay attention to trolls on the internet, but if you value someone’s opinion, let them give it to you. 

Get After It.

Alright, that was a lot. But a good lot. Hopefully your mind is bursting with thoughts on what your wonderful brand will one day look, sound, and feel like, but remember, you can take it one step at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Nail your foundation by establishing your distinct voice, settle in on a “vibe” for your brand, and implement your plan with consistency and authenticity. You’ll reap what you sow here, and we’ve got total faith you’re going to like what you come up with.

Crafted by Liam Norman.

Liam Norman is a midwest-based writer. With a propensity for movement, a passion for exploration, and an insatiable urge to create, storytelling is a natural extension of his interests. When he’s not writing, you can usually find Liam running the trails of Minneapolis, poking around the outdoors, hosting a get-together, or curating a fresh playlist. You can contact Liam at liamrnorman@gmail.com.

The post Brand Building for Burgeoning Poets—Why it Matters and How to Do it Well appeared first on Poetry editing services.

[othernaut]

They don't want you to know this, but I'll tell it true regardless: For a certain type of person, hell is easy.

Every parasitic bureaucracy you've suffered has its gnawing doppelganger in hell. Every tyrant who's ever ruled is there, and they've all had centuries to braid their whips. Its torment is an oppressive hierarchy that asserts itself at every level, a honeycomb of petty emperors sating their appetites on their own subjects and, themselves, predated on in turn. Every torture there is our own.

Hell is also porous. It's woven solid with loopholes, mortared with exploits and backdoors. Every cheat the world has ever known is bunked there, and they've worked their grifts into the bedrock of the place. You can slip out easy with just a little force and find yourself back in the world that condemned you, shadow-fleshed and hungry. It won't be for long, but it can happen again and again, and the more you do it, the more you're woven into the ritual of the world. You learn the tricks to opening the doors. You come on harvest moons, or when your name is spoken three times in front of a mirror in a dark room. When they lay out whiskey and candles for you, that's when you know you're in. You become your own story.

They might call you for curiosity or favors, but that's not why you'll come. You come for dominion. In hell, you see, people are things, yourself included, and the only way to win more property, make yourself comfortable, is to take it. Hell houses whole countries of cowards; they're the foundation of the entire economy, but each one of them is owned, you see? Just like you're owned. And if you take one for yourself, that means you've taken it from someone else - and right at the start, right when you arrive, just about everyone is bigger than you.

But the people outside? They're free. They're gullible, and credulous, and curious. They sign themselves away daily with EULAs, bleeding warm red drops of their inalienable rights bit by bit for the ability to use a website or shop at a store. If you can take them, they're yours.

You'll learn your way. Maybe you kill them yourself, stalking the Halloween fog of your hometown with a swinging lantern and rusty axe. Maybe you ooze up through a Ouija board; maybe you glitch a formula onto a website and trust curiosity to set property in your hands. Maybe you trick them, sitting next to them at their lowest points and lazily mumbling the well-meaning pleasantries that you know will tip them over. Maybe you don a black cloak and plastic skull and offer to walk with them as they 'cross over'.

Or you could help them. They like it when you help them. It makes them think they know you; they don't yet understand that obligation is a chain, forged in the same fire that produces love. You could tell them secrets that they'd otherwise never know. You could let them be warm with you, vulnerable. It takes years, but you have a new forever. And then you could ask them a favor, and when they reach out gladly to help you, you bite.

There are as many ways into hell as there are out of it, you know. A door doesn't just open one way. They don't want you to know this, of course, but no one gets anywhere by following the rules. Just as heaven's full of wonders, hell has its riches, too. I can show you, cheap and simple. We'll wait until there's a brownout, set out a couple of candles. Pour yourself a whiskey, and one for me while I'm out on the road. I'll come knocking, don't you worry. I haven't lied yet and I'm not aiming to start now.

We'll do great things together.

[august-anon]

LERning New Things About Ourselves -- Pineapple’s Fics!

Note From August: With Pineapple taking a break from tumblr until she’s an adult, I will be hosting her fic on my blog for the time being. You can find them under tags like pineapple fics and pineapple writing. Once she is back, they will be deleted from my blog and reposted to her own. Thanks for being understanding to her during this time! Don’t forget to show her your love!

Word Count: 9111 words

Characters: lee!Virgil, ler!Roman

--------------------------------------

Virgil’s heart thudded out of his chest as he stared up at the maliciously coy smile leaning over him. He had never been so excited yet so terrified in his life. “So, darling,” cooed his captor. “Shall we begin your destruction?”

~~~~~~~~~~

It all started on that fateful day when Virgil Anthony decided to post an ad for a new roommate. His previous roommates, Patton and Logan each got married and moved away, leaving Virgil with an empty apartment and no friends. 

 He was surprisingly content with that reality had it not been for a silly little thing called “rent” that incessantly found itself worming its way into Virgil’s life, and grew impressively large throughout the months. So, deciding he wished to eat this month, he begrudgingly settled on posting a chipper little advertisement on their community college’s website requesting a new roommate, provided they could come up with $450 a month. Weeks passed by and he was starting to lose hope until finally, he got a reply. After a quick online interview, he found himself with a new roommate. Before Virgil knew it, it was moving day.

 And that was when he met Roman Prince. Roman was… eccentric.. to say the least, but despite their slightly awkward interview, Virgil knew he was the one. And maybe it helped that he made twice what Virgil made in a week, and brought with him a flatscreen TV and a Switch. Just a little.

 “Ahh! Hello!” greeted the man as he set down his suitcase on the steps leading to the apartment. “You must be Virgil!” He stuck out the newly freed hand to shake Virgil’s. Virgil accepted.

 “Hey, dude. Yeah, and you must be Roman,” he acknowledged with a smile. “Do you need help with your stuff?” 

Roman waved his hand. “Nah, a couple of buddies of mine are coming by later to help me. For now, it’s just me and my suitcase,” he answered, pointing to the suitcase he left by the staircase. Virgil nodded. 

 “Okay, cool. Well, why don’t you come in, and we can chat.” Virgil wrung his hands slightly as he spoke, his nerves lit up from the social anxiety. He was trying his best to be friendly and not scare this guy off. Fortunately, Roman seemed to do most of the talking for the both of them. Only a couple hours in, the two found themselves seated on the sofa, sipping wine, and getting to know each other. Well, it was mostly Virgil getting to know Roman.

 “So, how long have you lived in Cheyenne?” Virgil asked him.

 “About three years now! We moved right after I graduated highschool, my parents grew up here, and I decided to go to college here too,” he answered, pointing to the east side of the apartment in the direction of the community college.

 Virgil smiled. “That’s nice you all can live in the same area. You get along with your family well, I take it?”

 Roman bobbed his head. “Oh yeah. I’m an only child, and it’s safe to say they spoiled me,” he chuckled, and Virgil joined him. Roman shrugged, smiling wryly. “I mean, I’m sure you figured that out considering no sibling should ever feel this confident,” he joked.

 Virgil snickered. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Coming from a kid with three older brothers, I know.” He poured some more red wine into both of their glasses. “So, where do you work?” he inquired, ignoring the urge to ask where he makes so much money,

 “I work at the bar across the street, Rattlesnake Juice Bar. I’m the manager,” Roman said, bringing the glass up to his lips. Virgil’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. 

 “Wow, that’s impressive! Normally at twenty-one, employers don't offer management positions at bars,” commented Virgil, sipping his own drink. Roman swallowed his drink and shrugged.

 “I guess it was because I had some experience, you know? I’ve been in management since I was seventeen.” Virgil nodded his head with a smile. 

 “Yeah, that’d do it,” he chuckled. Virgil shifted so he sat on his knees. “So, are you going to do management for a major?” he asked. 

 Roman shook his head. “No, actually, although it’d probably be a better career plan. Instead, I’m majoring in Journalism with a minor in Creative Writing.” Virgil brought the glass up to his lips, preparing to drink again. 

 “Oh wow, that’s cool. What do you like to write?”

 “Tickle fanfiction.”

 Virgil coughed violently, and spit the wine he just had in his mouth onto his shirt. Roman’s eyes widened in panic. “Oh, oh my gosh, are you alright?” he asked, hurriedly grabbing paper towels and handing them to the still sputtering man. Virgil snapped back to reality and finally noticed the spill.

 “Oh, for heavens’ sake-“ he muttered, graciously accepting the towels and dabbing at his shirt. Roman furrowed his eyebrows as he helped Virgil clean up.

 “Are you alright?” he asked again, his voice laced in genuine concern. Virgil looked up at him for a moment and examined his eyes for any signs of malfeasance. Nothing.

 “Um, yeah, I-“ he coughed again, his cheeks turning a light pink. “Yeah, I just, you know, went down the wrong pipe,” he stuttered, gesturing vaguely to his throat. Roman nodded in understanding.

 “Yeah, that happens to me all the time. Are you sure you’re good?”

 Virgil nodded a bit too earnestly as he got up to go throw away the wine-soaked paper towels. Once safely in the kitchen, he refocused his breathing and tried to calm his beating heart. It was a good thing too, because as soon as he returned, Roman continued the conversation right back up where it had left off.

 Virgil barely had time to sit down before Roman began speaking again. “Yeah, so anyways, back to our conversation, I write tickle fanfiction,” he explained with a smile. “It’s super fun. I have quite the following on Tumblr too! Over three hundred followers and they're growing by the minute!” Roman raved. Virgil just started in utter disbelief.

 “Oh, well. That’s, uh, cool.”

 Roman’s face lit up in excitement. “I take it you know what tickle fanfiction is?” he asked eagerly.

 Virgil’s face heated to a thousand degrees. “No! I-I mean, no, not really. I just, I was being supportive. Yeah.” Virgil cringed at how painfully obvious he was being. This guy had to know his slip up. At least he clearly didn’t have to worry about being judged with Roman. But alarmingly, Roman actually appeared to believe him.

 “Oh! Well, it’s the coolest thing. Basically-“ he paused for a moment. “Hm, actually, I guess the best way to explain is to start at the very beginning!”

 And there Virgil sat, for an entire hour, as he listened to Roman in great explicit detail explain every aspect of the fixation of tickling, the community he was in, and everything he wrote about without a single stutter or slip up. And Virgil listened the whole way through, flinching at the subconscious wiggling of fingers as Roman discussed teases, and thanking whoever the genius inventor of foundation was, for it was the only thing keeping him from blinding his new roommate with the power of his flush as Roman described lees and lers.

 Virgil also found out that apparently Roman was a ler. How…interesting.

 Finally, mercifully, Roman stopped talking. “Oh goodness,” he laughed. “I’ve been talking for almost an hour, haven’t I!”

 Exactly fifty-six minutes, thought Virgil. 

 “Sorry, I just get really excited and passionate about tickling and writing! Writing is my biggest hobby, and I love it so much. I try to be in touch with all my followers too, you know? I message back to anyone who messages me first, and reply to comments when I can.” 

 “Um, yeah. Well, I, uh, better throw this shirt in the wash,” Virgil interjected, leaping from the couch and scurrying out of the room.

 Roman stared, watching his roommate in confusion, but ultimately shrugged it off and went to go find his new room.

It had been a week since the incident, and frankly, Virgil had not fully recovered yet. He didn’t even know how to begin to process the fact that a proud, confident ler was now living with him. He desperately wanted to know what Roman’s Tumblr account was to see if he could follow him. But discreetly of course, because even though Roman may be secure and confident in his quirk, Virgil was not, and that was just how it was. It would be easy, right? Just ignore him when he talks about it. Virgil was sure Roman was probably used to it.

 Later that afternoon, Virgil was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, and was intensely scrolling through Tumblr on his phone trying to find Roman’s blog, when the man in question walked into the room.

 Virgil all but threw his phone across the room in a panic when he heard the heavy footsteps behind him. He spun around. “Uh, y-yes?” he asked, closing his eyes in an attempt to slow his pounding heart rate. Roman didn’t seem to notice the odd behavior.

 “Hey, Virge! So, you’re an English major, right?” He pulled up a chair at the dining room table and sat down. Virgil nodded, happy for the change of conversation.

 “Yep. Whatcha need?” 

 Roman pulled out his phone and scrolled for a bit before handing it over to Virgil. “Do you mind proofreading this for any grammar or spelling errors?” 

 Virgil nodded and accepted the phone, squinting to try and read the tiny print. This wasn’t uncommon for Virgil. Many of his acquaintances often asked Virgil to proofread their emails and letters to bosses and businesses. It wasn’t until a few seconds of staring until he noticed.

 It was a tickle fic. Virgil’s face blossomed into a bright red, as he glanced up at Roman who was sitting stone faced and calm.

 “What-” he cleared his throat, “What is this?” he asked, trying to appear nonchalant.

 Roman tilted his head. “One of my fics! I’m not the best with grammar, and I was really hoping you could help me edit. You know, as a writing major I really want to get better,” he responded with a smile. Virgil took a shaky breath. No, this was fine. Completely and totally fine. He was just reading a fic in the direct presence of a ler, and then giving him pointers on how to make it better. 

 “Well, um, you could, maybe, reword this better,” he finally said after a minute. 

 “What part?”

 Virgil pointed to a sentence on the screen. “That one.”

 Roman looked at him and giggled. “Virge, do you really think I can see that? Just read it to me, silly.”

  Virgil’s face felt like it was on fire. “Oh, um. Okay. So you w-wrote, ‘He laughed, squirming all over the bed, as Chuni followed him, massaging his r-ribs.’ Yeah?” He glanced up at Roman to see him listening intently. Oh, this was hard. “Um, so, to make it flow better you can reword it slightly by changing, changing the order.” He cleared his throat again. “For example, ‘He laughed and squirmed all over the bed and Chuni followed him, m-massaging his ribs.’ Does that, um, make sense?” he clarified.

 Roman smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it does! Thanks! Anything else?” Virgil shut his eyes in an attempt to control his breathing.

 “Well you, um, spelt t-tormenting wrong,” he grimaced. Roman leaned over. 

 “Oh did I?” Virgil nodded, propping his head up on his arm in a weak attempt to hide his face. “Can you go over the rest with me?”

 Virgil pinched his arm. “Yep, sure thing,” he squeaked.

 That was by the longest afternoon of his young adult life. But if he thought that was bad, nothing compared to what happened a month later. 

Virgil had still not yet found Roman’s blog, and he kicked himself for not checking to see what the title of the one fic he proofread was so he could search it up later. Regardless, he was still very closeted in his secret fantasy, and somehow managed to keep his cool throughout the many conversations where Roman brought up his ler moods, and writings, and such. 

 “Virgil!” exclaimed Roman, bursting into the room. Virgil jumped slightly from his seat on the couch, nearly dropping his phone. 

 “Um, yes?” He turned to see Roman holding a ukulele. “Why do you have a ukulele?” 

 Roman smiled excitedly. “Well, so you know how I talk about teases, right? How they’re essential to the wreckage of a lee?” Virgil forcefully shoved the embarrassment panic creeping up down his throat. “Well, I thought how cool it’d be, as a new type of tease, to write song parodies of nursery rhymes, but make them tickle related!”

 Virgil’s stomach twisted in a pleasant coil as he sat in complete shock. Surely not. “I, uh-“

 “You wanna hear some?” he asked, bouncing up and down excitedly on his toes. Virgil continued to ogle as he begged his 

voice to work.

 “Um, s-sure,” he stuttered out, his voice cracking at the end.

 Roman beamed. “Perfect! Okay, so you know the song Tiny Tim, right?”

 Virgil coughed. “T-the turtle song?” Roman nodded.

 “Yep! But I changed it.” He did a strum of the ukulele before beginning to play the catchy tune. “I have a little feather,” he sang out, his voice ringing out with the chords of the instrument. “His name is Tiny Tim, I used him on my lee, to see if he would grin!” Virgil blanched at the teasing lilt in his voice. “I drank up all his laughter, it made him buck and squeal, and now he’s nice and flustered, his smile oh so real!” 

 Roman finished the song and looked at Virgil expectantly. Unfortunately, at that moment Virgil’s voice decided to duck out and leave him. Roman giggled at him. “Are you speechless at my talent or something?”

 Virgil, horrified, frantically willed the embarrassment away as he finally found his voice. “Oh, no, sorry. Uh, yeah no. It was good. Good,” he took a breath while rubbing the back of his neck. “Job. Yeah,” he finished lamely.

 Roman pumped his fists in excitement. “Yessss! I was super proud of it! You wanna hear another one?” Rather than wait for a response, he strummed the ukulele again. “Oh, so this tease requires a specific name for it. Do you mind if I just use yours?”

 Virgil swore he was going to have a stroke.

 “Oh I know a little lee,” he sang, this time playing a new tune. “His name is Wiggle Virgey,” he paused his singing to look at him. “Adding y’s at the end of names makes it teasy,” he explained. 

 Virgil said nothing. 

 “He is so very nice, but oh he is so giggly, and so goes his arms, and his arms go like so, and his arms are always so-oh-oh!”

 Yep. Virgil was going to die. 

 After two more verses, Roman finally finished his song and Virgil was all but willing to sell both his kidneys to disappear from this conversation.  

 “So, what did you think? That one isn’t my best, but I liked it!” Roman commented nonchalantly.

 Virgil simply stared and nodded. Roman furrowed his eyebrows in concern. “Are you feeling alright?”

 Virgil blinked. “YeAh, why?” His voice cracked as he tried to speak. He quickly coughed to cover it up.

 “I don’t know, you just seem sick or something. You’ve been coughing an awful lot. Your face is like bright red and you’ve been oddly quiet,” said Roman. That only made Virgil blush even more. 

 “No, yeah, no I’m fine,” he answered, waving him off. “Yeah, but I really gotta go work on, um that thing, for school, see ya around.” And with that, Virgil darted out of the room for the second time, leaving Roman standing alone in utter bewilderment.

Virgil had done his very best to avoid Roman after the whole tease incident, which was difficult considering they lived under the same roof. And even worse considering Roman was the most oblivious guy on the planet. 

 Virgil was in bed, scrolling through Tumblr on his phone, when he saw another post from his favorite writer, TheLeringPrince. He felt his lee mood spike as he saw it was a new tease post. Eagerly, he tapped the post and began to read. Slowly as he read though, something seemed off. The tease post was various nursery rhymes all modified to fit into the theme of tickling. And Tiny Tim was one of them.

 Virgil’s heart began to race and his mind started spinning as he hurriedly tried to calm himself down. “No, Virgil,” he breathed out. “No, it’s just a coincidence. Roman probably stole it from this guy or maybe just thought of the same idea.” Ironically, he found himself wishing his roommate was a thief who stole credit from his favorite Tumblr user’s work, rather than admit that Roman was said favorite Tumblr user.

 But right at the bottom of the post, there was a little bold sentence that truly made Virgil’s heart stop.

 ‘And many of you have been wondering about my sudden improvement in my grammar and spelling. Well, you can thank my brand new roommate for helping me proofread all my new fics and teases!’

 What was Virgil’s luck? Of all the people on this planet of seven billion, he gets a roommate who, not only is a confident and charismatic ler who happily reads his teases and fics to Virgil, but is also the specific ler that Virgil had been daydreaming about being destroyed by for years.

 Virgil wasn’t sure if he wanted to hug whoever ordained this or punch them.

 Virgil contemplated it for a while before finally deciding to tell his anxiety to hit the road, and take this glorious opportunity by the horns. So with a deep breath, he clicked on TheLeringPrince’s profile, then DM’s, then opened his keypad.

 Immenslee_Ticklish: Hey, just wanted to say that I really like your stuff, and that you seem like a pretty cool dude. Would you want to chat sometime?’

 Immediately, he received a reply.

 TheLeringPrince: Why thank you, Immenslee. And yes, I would love to chat ;)

Days went by, and Roman and Virgil were talking through their blogs constantly. Roman had taken to teasing Virgil quite thoroughly on the platform, and Virgil obviously ate it up. Roman even mentioned wanting to meet up sometime. Virgil would be lying if he said he didn't nearly pass out at that.

 Of course they still talked in real life, only Roman didn’t know who Virgil was. Oddly enough, Virgil almost felt safer talking to his Tumblr handle rather than to him in real life. He had to laugh at that. Six months ago, Virgil would have fainted at the idea of living with his favorite ler. And now, here he was, finally having something to satiate his ever present, insatiable lee mood! And he was hiding. 

 He just wasn’t sure how to tell him! Leave his Tumblr open? Text him? Tell him through Tumblr DMs? For goodness’ sake, what was he so afraid of? This guy was clearly accepting and non judgmental about the whole thing. Most people would kill to be in this position. Well, most lees anyways.

 Little did Virgil know, but Roman was already pretty suspicious. He didn’t have any evidence of the fact, but he was pretty certain that Virgil had to have some lee in him somewhere. His blush and stutters were getting increasingly obvious and even though Roman could be an idiot, he wasn’t stupid. It took him a while to figure it out, but once he did, there was nothing stopping him. Except of course, if Virgil for some reason just didn’t want to be tickled. That was fine too. But there was something in him that made Roman sincerely doubt that was the case.

 Roman had never had a problem about being open with his fixation. He figured that if people were going to judge him based on a silly little liking, then they weren’t worth being in his life. He could understand why some people hid it, sure. It was scary to be so open about something other people found weird. But Roman just never had that fear.

 But one day, Roman got a message. It was from a follower named Immenslee_Ticklish. Now Roman recognized this user, as they often commented, liked, and reblogged alot of his works. They were great fans, and apparently very much lee themselves. And all of a sudden, after two whole years of following Roman, they decide to message him. 

 Interesting.

 But Roman ultimately decided to keep quiet about his suspicions because if Virgil wasn’t saying anything, then he didn’t want Roman to know. And Roman respected that. Even if he really wanted to tickle him.

 Turns out he didn’t have to wait much longer.

Virgil had practiced it for weeks. He knew exactly what to say, and how he was going to say it. But that all flew out the window as he stared at Roman.

 “Virgil, buddy, you’ve been staring at me for three minutes now,” commented Roman, raising an eyebrow at the man in question. “You came to tell me something.” Virgil inhaled deeply and tried to speak, but the words got caught in his throat. Roman gave him a sympathetic look. “Hey, it’s okay. No need to be scared.” Virgil just stared at him. Roman’s heart broke for this kid, who was obviously scared out of his mind. “I promise I’m not going to be upset, or judge you, or do whatever your pretty little head is thinking might happen.

 “I’mImenseleeTicklish!” he spat out suddenly. Roman jumped in surprise, but as soon as it hit him, he grinned.

 “Oh, are you now?” he hummed, a sly smile watching the flustered boy with great amusement.

 “Wait, no, I meant like the username. I’m the user Immenslee_Ticklish. I didn’t mean it like I’m immensely ticklish, well, I might be, but-“

 Roman’s amused look caused him to stop talking. “So, yes?”

 Virgil nodded. “I’m, uh, I’m a lee. Yeah.” The two of them stared at each other, neither one breaking the deafening silence or the intense eye contact.

 “Well that’s very valuable information,” Roman stated calmly, being the first to speak, and before walking away and into the kitchen.

 Wait?! Before walking away?!

 Virgil’s mouth dropped open as he watched Roman walk off. “Wait!” he called indignantly. Roman paused, smirking away from Virgil. 

 “Yes?”

 Virgil just stared for a minute, waving his arms dramatically as if it would help him speak. “Aren’t you going to, um, do something?”

 Roman turned around to face him, as Virgil paled at seeing Roman smile darkly at him. “Like what?”

 Realization hit him like a truck, and Virgil gaped in absolute horror. He was going to make him ask, wasn’t he? Oh, this was mean. So, so, so mean. 

 But at this point the lee mood was so bad that his dignity was going to have to leave him.

 “I- were you, um,” he covered his face with his hands. “Were you gonna tickle me?”

 He could hear Roman’s evil grin. “Do you want me to?”

 “Um, yes. Please.” He swallowed harshly.

 Roman clapped. “Why look at those manners!” he praised, gleaming at the whining boy in the living room. “I would love to. But to be clear, what exactly do you want to happen?”

 “W-What do you mean?” Virgil asked, peeking from behind his hands. 

 “Tell me exactly what you want for me to do. In explicit detail, or I won’t do any of it,” cooed Roman. 

 “You’re so mean,” Virgil whined into his hands again. Roman laughed at his expense.

 “I’m waiting~” 

 Virgil glared at him through his hands. “I want you to wreck me and tease me and destroy my resolve, and I want you to do it now! Please.” He added, lest he be made to repeat his request in a more polite manner. Roman reeled back, a tad surprised at the direct request.

 “Well, good for you. I’d be happy to,” he nodded, impressed. “Very well. Meet me in your room in ten minutes~” he teased with a wink. 

 After he left, Virgil let it sink in. He was about to be ruthlessly teased and broken by his ler idol in ten minutes.

 Oh he was going to die.

Virgil’s heart thudded out of his chest as he stared up at the malicious coy smile leaning over him. He had never been so excited yet so terrified in his life. “So, darling,” cooed his captor. “Shall we begin your destruction?” Roman’s voice lowered significantly into a husky tone that sent shivers down Virgil’s spine. He tugged on his restraints, waves of excitement and panic flooding his body, and feeding his lee mood from before. He had waited years. Years and years and years for this day. To be in this position, and about to get wrecked into oblivion. He had no idea what Roman was going to do, but he was excitedly terrified.

 Roman took a single finger and began aimlessly swirling around Virgil’s belly, going in zigzag patterns, curlicues, and idle shapes while he rested his head on Virgil’s chest. Virgil’s breath hitched, the gentle touches not quite tickling, but was setting an amazing precedent for what was about to take place. Roman let out a deep breath, purposely aiming it for Virgil’s neck, rewarding him with a satisfying squeal as the man scrunched up his shoulders as much as he could.

 “I have a dilemma, Virgil,” sighed Roman melodramatically. “I feel like, since you’ve waited all this time for some expert ler to completely wreck you, destroy you, and undo your very resolve, that you ought to have a good experience, hm?” he commented, glancing up to look at Virgil’s wobbly smile. “I mean you’ve been so patient! It’d feel criminal to deprive you of the best possible experience. Don’t you agree?” He paused, waiting for a reply while still mindlessly twisting his finger on the pale expanse of skin, but all Virgil did was squeak softly in embarrassment.

 Suddenly, Roman snapped his fingers, causing Virgil to flinch slightly. “I’ve got it!” he announced, smiling darkly. “Let’s let you choose.” 

 Virgil’s eyes widened in pure horror. “What?” 

 “Why choose your own teases, of course! Who better knows exactly how to tease and fluster you, and turn you into a giggling blushy pile of goo then yourself?” Roman enunciated his point with a few teasing pokes to his chest. Virgil squirmed in an attempt to get the pokes to hit his stomach but he had no such luck. “So, Giggles, you want to try it?”

 Virgil bit his lip and bounced his legs anxiously. “No!” he whined, his wobbly smile growing by the minute.

 Roman grinned. “No? But it’s like a choose your own adventure! You choose your own teases and tools! Won’t that be fun?” Virgil shook his head violently. Roman mock pouted. “But I think it will be fun!”

 Virgil made a strangled guttural sound in reply. “I-“

 “Yes, dear,” he urged, resting his chin on Virgil’s chest once again.

 Virgil sighed and closed his eyes in frustration. “I-I can’t tease,” he mumbled under his breath. 

 “What was that?”

 “I can’t tease!” he repeated, only slightly louder this time. Fortunately, Roman heard him.

 “Oh well, that’s not a problem, silly. You aren’t saying the teases. I am!” he replied with a smirk. Virgil peaked one eye open.

 “But I thought you said-“

 “Oh, I know what I said,” he answered, cutting Virgil off. “No, I already know what teases you chose. You don’t have to say a word.” To Virgil's confusion, he pulled out his phone. It wasn’t until Roman started scrolling and grinning that Virgil’s eyes widened in panicked realization.

 “No, no, no, NO!” Virgil called out, bouncing in anticipation. He tried lunging for the phone but his bonds held him back.

 Roman pretended not to hear him. “Hm, let’s see. Posts, then notes, then-“ Roman grinned up at Virgil. “Ah yes, reblogged by Immenselee_ticklish! Oh, look there’s a comment too!”

 “No! No, don’t read the comment!”

 “It says, ‘Ahhhh!! Oh gosh, I’m blushing so hard!!’ Hold up.” Roman turned to look up at Virgil who was fire engine red. He smirked. “Would you look at that. Anyway, it continues to say, ‘I would die if anyone said this to me!’ And then there’s a blushing face.” 

 He smirked again as he faced Virgil. “So, would you say you’ve died?” Virgil whined longingly. Roman nodded while looking back at his phone. “I’d say yes.”

 Roman continued to scroll only for his eyes to light up in delight. “Oh looky here!” Virgil slammed his eyes shut, not daring to. 

 “No, no, no, no.”

 “Virgil look! It’s a gif! Oh wow.” 

 Oh yeah. Virgil definitely wasn’t going to look. He was strong, he was resilient, and nothing could break him!

 “Aww and they’re getting their bellybutton tickled! Isn’t that your most favorite spot in the whole wide world?”

 Um, yeah. It was easy, mind over matter. He wouldn’t look. Easy.

 “Hey! And it’s your best friend! Mr. Toothbrush!”

 Yeah, he... What was he saying?

 “Roman, please,” he begged, eyes still clamped shut. The endless teases were killing him. His ever present lee mood had grown into a ravenous monster that he thought would never be satiated. His body screamed for tickles. It was more than a want, or even a craving. It was a need at this point. And Roman knew that and it only fueled his evil ler facade all the more. 

  “Aw, poor baby. Don’t worry, we’ll start soon,” he cooed.

 Roman made Virgil lie there, flustered and helpless, and oh so terribly lee, and wait as he read out tease after tease that Virgil reblogged from his Tumblr, and even read the comments from the lee himself.  Virgil wished with every second of every minute spent lying on that bed he had never made that Tumblr account. 

 After ten or so teases, Roman finally, mercifully, put the phone away. Virgil sighed in relief. Finally! He was going to be tickled to his limits, then past them, then have them pushed even further. He didn’t just want to be broken. He didn’t just want to be destroyed. No, he wanted so much more.

 Roman marched up to the table and placed both hands on Virgil’s thighs. “So, a little birdie told me you like baby talk,” he teased. Virgil blushed, which Roman took for a yes. “So would a, oh I don’t know, little kitchy, kitchy, coo would get you all flustered, hm? A little-“ his voice dropped an octave. “Tickle, tickle, tickle~” his face morphed to a maniacal grin. 

 Virgil's face turned crimson as he wiggled around on the table. “Noho!” He barked out a laugh. Roman raised his eyebrows in surprise.

 “No? Hmm. What about nursery rhymes, huh? You sure liked the ones I sang to you earlier this month! Do you want to hear some of those?  ‘Cause I got some good ones~” Roman whipped out a feather seemingly out of nowhere and waved it teasingly in front of Virgil’s nose. Virgil yelped at the sensation.

 “I have a little feather,” sang out Roman, his voice rising and falling with the feather. “His name is Tiny Tim. I used him on my lee, to see if he would grin.” He winked at Virgil who just blushed deeper. “I drank up all the laughter, it made him buck and squeal, and now he’s nice and flustered,” Another wink. “His smile is so real.” 

 Virgil was already softly giggling at the song, and it only encouraged Roman to keep going. “You got a little giggle button, right? I have another fun song, just. for. him!” he cheered, punctuating each word with a poke to his bellybutton, making Virgil squeal each time. 

 He took the feather and ran it in a large teasy circle all around the vast expanse of vulnerable tummy. “Ring around the belly, a button full of jelly,” he heard Virgil snort when the feathers hit a particular spot on his waistline. “-tickle, tickle, they all fall down!” Roman ended the verse with several flicks of the fluffy feather to Virgil’s bellybutton, causing him to buck and laugh, but it was still technically soft tickles. Virgil didn’t want soft tickles right now.

 “Rohohoho,” he whined through the giggles. Roman ignored him. 

 “Let’s see. Oh, here’s another favorite of mine!” He cleared his throat and lifted the feather again. “Oh head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes! Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes~” He ran the feather all over the respective places, and it didn’t tickle much, but Roman’s plan was working. Virgil was getting more and more flustered, and more and more ticklish. 

 “Oh feet, tummies, arms and chins, arms and chins. Feet, tummies, arms and chins, arms and chins~” Roman watched in glee as Virgil’s face turned darker and darker with each song, and how even though the tickling was so light, his giggles were still sharp.

 All of a sudden, with zero warning, Roman ditched the feather and attacked Virgil’s tummy with all ten fingers. “Oh, she’ll be tickling Virgil senseless when she comes! She’ll be tickling Virgil senseless when she comes-“ Virgil fell into deep belly laughter as he thrashed and pulled desperately. “She’ll be tickling Virgil senseless, she’ll be tickling Virgil senseless, she’ll be tickling Virgil senseless when she comes!” 

 Virgil had never felt more embarrassed in his life, but that made the tickling so much more fun. After two more verses, Roman stopped. Virgil whined again at the loss of contact. 

 Roman chuckled. “You really are a hopeless lee, aren’t you?”

 Virgil scrunched his nose. “Shut up.”

 Roman’s eyebrows raised in an accusatory way. “Do you want to say that again?”

 “What? Shut up?” snarked Virgil, trying to wind him up to get wrecked and forced to apologize, but unfortunately, Roman saw right through his plan.

 “Wow. You really are desperate. Stooping so low as to provoke me to lash out and wreck you right this minute?” Roman tisked lightly. “Imagine! You honestly think that I’m going to fall for the oldest trick in the book? I hate to break it to you, Stormcloud, but I’m far more experienced than you think I am,” he added, shaking his head in disapproval. “I ought to make you wait longer just for that.”

 Virgil gasped and shook his head desperately. “No, no, please no! I’m sorry!”

 Roman shook his head again. “Poor little lee. So desperate you’ve lost your dignity. Here you are, begging like this for me to so horribly wreck you until you can’t even remember your own name.” Despite his words of disapproval, he smiled. “Oh course, I don’t blame you. I am very talented so I understand your eagerness. For that reason, I will grant mercy and not punish you for your lousy attempts at brattiness.”

 Virgil let out the biggest sigh of relief imaginable. At last! He was going to be wrecked!

 “But I still have one more game before we start.”

 Virgil threw his head back onto the bed with such a force it almost hurt. “Oh my gosh, Roman please,” he begged, whining at a new frequency.

 Roman sighed. “One more! You can do it. I have to make sure your ticklish little body is at optimal sensitivity! So, here’s an easy game to finish you off.” He walked around to the side of the bed. “Just gotta warm you up,” he winked before wiggling his fingers menacingly above Virgil. Virgil asked, and sucked in his stomach, but Roman simply drew in closer. The fingers were so tantalizingly close to the tickle spot, and Virgil swore he felt them already. And in his mind, he pleaded and begged with Roman to hurry up and get on with it already, but on the outside he was completely stunned into silence. 

 Until Roman did a fake out.

 Roman launched his wiggling fingers at Virgil full speed without any sort of warning, and Virgil lost it. He laughed, he snorted, he cackled, and he squealed. He jerked and thrashed all over his limited free space for a whole minute until he realized. Roman’s hands were behind his back, as he watched Virgil with the most evil look you could imagine.

 “You're awful!” screeched Virgil, both mortified by his own reaction, and furious at Roman’s trick. Roman laughed out loud.

 “Hmm, okay, okay. I’ll wreck you now. Besides, I can’t just keep you here, endlessly teasing and torturing you forever?” He paused with a smirk. “Actually-“

 “Roman!” Virgil cried out, laughing in both frustration at his lee mood, and anticipation from what was coming.

 Roman laughed at his panic. “I’m just kidding, jeez. You poor lee. Alright, I’ll wreck you, on the one condition you tell me your worst spots.”

 Virgil’s eyes turned to saucers. “I-what?”

 “You heard me! Give me those death spots or else no tickles~” he sang, thinking the nerves were from his tease.

 But strangely, Virgil turned more bashful, rather than flustered. It was almost a sheepish look on his face that replaced the embarrassment. That certainly got Roman’s attention.

 “What’s wrong?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing in slight concern. Virgil scrunched his face up and looked down.

 “I-I well, I don’t know what my worst spots are,” he replied with a shy smile.

 Roman was confused for about two seconds before it dawned on him.  “You-“ he stared in utter wonderment. “You‘ve never tickled before, have you?”

 Virgil’s face flushed under the attention. “Well, yeah, no not really,” he mumbled sheepishly.

 Oh, this was a game changer. Roman beamed. “You mean to tell me, I’m your first time?” Virgil smiled again, and nodded hesitantly. Roman had never been so excited in his life. “Well then, I guess we have work to do!” he commented, a wicked grin and a twinkle shining in his eye.

 Roman turned and walked down to the end of the bed, clicking his tongue as he examined the body in front of him. “I suppose the best thing to do would be to either go bottom to top, or top to bottom.” He tilted his head up at Virgil while smiling. “Would you by any chance have a preference?”

 Virgil huffed. “I guess, I don’t know. Bottom to top?” he suggested, more or so not caring as he really just wanted to be wrecked already. Roman clapped.

 “Perfect! That means I get to play with your cute little feet!” he cheered. Virgil blushed. Roman held tight of the right foot’s ankle and took the same pointer finger and carefully slid it from the tippy top of the toes all the way down to the heel. Virgil immediately started his giggles anew, wiggling his upper body at the light touches. “Oh good! It seems you’re ticklish here! What else can we try?” 

 Roman soon added the other four fingers into the fray and began ruthlessly scratching up and down and all around the soft tender arches, making Virgil snort and fall into deeper laughter at the feeling. He tickled all around the foot, being very thorough and detailed in his methods, making sure not one inch of ticklish skin was left unscathed. Then, without warning, he moved up to the toes. He wiggled each little toe and scolded them if they curled up. Eventually, he pulled them back and gave them a good scratching underneath as punishment for their misbehavior. Virgil thrashed like nobody’s business, finally getting exactly what he wanted, and it was so much better then he had ever thought. And he certainly didn’t complain when Roman informed him that his other foot was getting left out, and needed the same tickly treatment.

 After both feet were thoroughly assaulted (Roman may have had to go back to the right foot again, it seemed to be getting lonely),  he spidered his fingers all the way up to Virgil’s knees. Virgil smiled in anticipation, bouncing his leg as he waited. 

 “Ah yes, the knees. Such an underrated tickle spot! Very few people think about the knees being so terribly ticklish, but they can be! It all starts with this little pressure point, riiiight here.” Roman began rapidly wheezing the muscle right above Virgil knee, making him fall into deep laughter. “Oh wonderful!” shouted Roman above the loud laughter. “It seems as if your knees are just as horridly sensitive as I thought!” His squeezing fingers quickly switched to spidering ones, and darted right on the underneath of his knees, sending Virgil snorting.

 Roman awed at the adorable sounds. “Aww, aren’t you just the cutest little thing? Are my tickly, tickly tickles making you giggle, hm?” he cooed, relishing in the deep red color that was Virgil’s face and the tiny snorts mixed in with the hysterical giggles.

 “Nohohohoho!” Virgil giggled out, trying to kick his legs but the restraints keeping every inch of ticklish skin in place.

 “No?” questioned Roman. “Well, that’s a shame! Why don’t we try something else then,” he pondered and immediately grabbed the young man’s thighs, squeezing sporadically and rapidly every area of muscle. Virgil’s eyes bulged out as he flung himself to sit up right and cackle.

 Roman’s eyes lit up with mischief at the extremity of Virgil’s reaction. “Oh, what's this? Does this tickle? Are you ticklish here?” he asked, the teasing lilt in his voice making the ruthless squeezing at his thighs all the worse. Virgil fell back on to the bed to wheeze with laughter when Roman moved up closer to his hips. “Virgil!” scolded Roman. “Hello! I’m talking to you! Does this tickle?” he asked again, not for one second stopping the wretched attack on the loathsomely sensitive muscle.

 When Virgil still didn’t reply, Roman felt a spike of worry, and slowed his squeezing fingers just a little. Virgil’s wheezy laughter died down, until it was more or less hysterical giggles. 

 “Yes!” Virgil called out. Roman was confused for a minute until he remembered the question he had asked a few minutes earlier. He took his hands off his legs, leaving Virgil limp and giggly. 

 “Oh good! See I guessed it did, but I was just checking,” he winked. “Congratulations, Virgil. I think you might have your first death spot.” 

 Virgil weakly held up a thumbs up, his giddy smile bright enough to blind someone. Roman smiled at him softly. “How about we take a break?” So he sat next to Virgil on the bed, gently rubbing his shin comfortingly, waiting for Virgil to regain all the breath he’d lost until finally-

 “Um, I think I’m ready to go again,” piped up the younger man. Roman grinned. 

 “You sure?” Virgil nodded eagerly. Roman leaned next to Virgil’s ear, making him squeak. Oh he’d have to remember that. 

 “Well then,” he purred, his voice sending shivers down Virgil’s spine. “Allow me to continue your destruction.” He peered down the bed where Virgil was stretched out, and examined it carefully like a puzzle. He walked down the side to the right of his hips. “Now if my memory serves me, correct me-” Roman began, but Virgil barked out a laugh. Roman glared at him. “What?”

 “Dude, what did you say?” he asked, laughing again. Roman crossed his arms.

 “If my memory serves me, correct me. It’s a saying!” Virgil burst out laughing again. “What?!”

 “The saying is, ‘If my memory serves me, correctly,’ not correct me,” he teased, still laughing at Roman’s miss interpretation. 

 “Okay, yeah, laugh it up, Virgil,” he retorted, immediately squeezing his right thigh again. Promptly the teasing man burst into laughter at the feeling, and proceeded to howl on the bed. “Don’t correct me again!” he playfully scolded before ceasing the tickling. 

 Roman crawled up on the bed in between Virgil legs in hopes of being able to navigate better. “Now, I say we try hips next. Some people overlook it, but they look wonderfully ticklish to me~” he sang, already the tone giving Virgil the giggles. Roman grinned at the pink color once again rising to his cheeks. “Aww, does mentioning the tickly tickles making you a little neeeervous?” he sang again, whilst skimming the skin of his waist and pant line. Virgil’s giggles greatly increased from both the tickling and the teasing alike, as he began wiggling around in the bed.

 Roman’s scratching fingers followed the wiggly hips with great ease, smiling in adoration as he listened to the sweet soft giggles come from his captive. “You’re adorable,” he commented without really thinking. 

 “Nuhnuhnuhuhu uhuhuhuh!” the giggling man protested, yet his denial only further proved Roman’s point.

 “Yeah huh!” argued Roman. “Alright enough softness, I want to watch you scream.” He put on his best evil ler face as he watched Virgil turn a bright crimson at the threat.

 Roman crawled up further until he was practically sitting on Virgil’s hips. “So, let’s test the waters for what are the vast expanse that is Virgil’s tickle spots, shall we?” Virgil pulled up his legs out of reflex, but they were blocked by Roman’s back. He whined.

 “Oh, whatever is the matter, dear?” he cooed, leaning in so close Virgil could feel his breath on his neck and ear. The man made a strangled noise in reply. “I’m sorry, darling, I don’t speak lee. Would you mind rephrasing your statement?” 

 Virgil just shut his eyes, trying to smother the wobbly grin that was slowly creeping up onto his face. Roman took that as a sign to continue. 

 He spidered his fingers up to Virgil’s sides, and kept them there, smiling as Virgil shuffled all over the bed in anticipation. “Gohohoho ohohohon, alreheheady!” he giggled out.

 “Is that anyway to ask for something?” Roman playfully scolded moments before digging into the boy’s sides. Virgil bucked and burst into giggles, thrashing and pulling. Roman didn’t stop for even a second, mercilessly tickling, squeezing and scratching all over the sides and even migrating to the soft skin of the belly. Virgil was in proper hysterics and was loving every minute of it.

 “Aww, aren’t you just the cutest thing! What? What’s the matter? Are you ticklish?” Roman teased, digging into the lower belly. Virgil squealed, and fell into even deeper laughter as Roman took to blowing raspberry after raspberry onto Virgil’s poor ticklish tummy. Virgil was in tickly heaven, for sure, but he still hadn’t been broken yet. And that was fine, but his growing hunger still hadn’t been filled, and he couldn’t help but wish deep down that there was somewhere to truly make him scream. He contemplated asking Roman to go for his thighs again.

 But then.

 As Roman paused the tickling on his sides and began to feel around, something happened. 

 Virgil could only possibly describe it as maybe a jolt of euphoric electricity that shocked him into the pit of his stomach. Something that found the roaring lion that was his lee mood and slapped it in the face. Something that sent shivers to his spine and butterflies to his stomach. Something that made him shriek at the mere feeling of Roman’s presence. If Roman’s dastardly laughter upon finding the spot was any indication, Virgil was screwed.

 “Well, looky here,” he noted, looking up at Virgil with a gleam in his eye, further confirming the reality that Virgil was about to experience. “It seems we’ve found something.” 

 Roman tested the spot again: a rib, nestled warmly in between a tiny layer of fat, and the beginning of his armpit. He sharply poked the rib, eliciting a similar shriek as before. Virgil’s eyes grew like saucers as he fought with his own mind on how he felt. Was he terrified? Was the overwhelming amount of ticklish sensations about to course through his body like an electric current terrifying? Or was he excited? That after all these years of begging and pleading for someone to come into his life and do this very thing to him? 

 Virgil didn’t have time to decide, as Roman promptly dug in.

 Virgil said he wanted to scream, and scream he did. His body was too overwhelmed to even thrash at this point, no, it merely fell limp and took every bit of torture Roman was giving to it. Roman took his pointer finger and thumb, making them into a claw motion, and pinching all over the bone. He pinched up and down, left to right, and repeated the sequence, soaking in every plea and beg and cry from Virgil. He wiggled in between the bone, and even took to scratching the armpits as well. Virgil was happily losing his mind. But it wasn’t over.

 No, because out of nowhere, Roman pulled from under the bed a bottle of oil, and immediately began pouring it into his hands. Virgil greedily sucked in the oxygen as he waited for Roman to start again. His eyes followed him, watching Roman complete his moves with an eagerness about him. He was ready.

 Virgil only had to wait a minute longer before Roman took his sweet time, slowly covering every inch of both armpits in the slippery liquid, purposely sliding his fingers and nails in such a way to make Virgil start to laugh. And then with both hands, he dug in again. 

 Oh, if he thought it was bad before, no, this was true torture. The oil made the fingers glide pristinely on the sensitive skin, and thereby ticking seemingly everywhere at once. Roman still concentrated on squeezing both top rib bones on either side at the same time, while allowing the nails to scratch along the armpits and other ribs as he did it. 

 And Virgil screamed. He screamed and screamed louder than he had ever before. He couldn’t even be concerned at the fact they were living in an apartment, and if they neighbors would be worried. Virgil screeched at the top of his lungs, his voice no longer even saying words or please at this point, just pure unshackled ecstasy in waves unmeasurable. He screamed and laughed his voice hoarse, kicking and tugging in desperation to escape the torture he was being subjected to.

 “So,” commented Roman nonchalantly, yet very loudly to be heard over the booming laughter. “I was wondering if you could give me a quick performance review. You know, it is my first time and all.”

 “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-“

 “Okay, so that’s not too bad. Anything else?”

 Virgil silently screamed as he felt Roman vibrate his fingers into both bones once more.

 “Oh good! Well, I appreciate your input, thank you.”

 Virgil was loving every solitary second of this, after all, this is what he had wanted. He wanted exactly this. But, unfortunately, he needed to breathe. So he called out.

 “YEL-“ he stopped mid screech, his own laughter cutting him off. Roman stopped immediately. 

 “Was that yellow?” he asked, face contorting with worry. Virgil didn’t answer at first, only focused on taking in as much oxygen as he could get. 

 “Yeheheah,” he replied, the leftover giggles still dying out.

 Roman’s evil ler face melted as a fond one replaced it. “Wow, I’m impressed. That’s definitely your death spot, and you only called out yellow. I could never last as long as you did,” he marveled. 

 Even with as winded as Virgil was, he was still trying to tease back. “Oho, so you have a death spot, then?” he teased with a smirk. Roman blushed.

 “Oh shut up. Just so you know, you still technically haven’t called red yet,” he retorted cockily. Virgil nodded before laying his head down for a minute to rest. “Do you want water?” Roman asked him. 

 Virgil shook his head. “No, I’m almost done. I’d rather not get up then get back down.” His insatiable lee mood was shrinking drastically. But, there was one more thing he wanted. “So, um,” he looked up at Roman sheepishly. “Can I do a request?” 

 Roman smiled fondly. “Of course. This is your session after all.” 

 Virgil fidgeted as much as he could despite his hands being tied. “So, I kind of have a favorite spot. Like, after you tickled me. I realized I might have a favorite.”

 Roman’s heart practically burst on the spot. “Oh yeah? Let me hear it.”

 Virgil wrinkled his nose in embarrassment, and stayed quiet for a minute. Roman chuckled. “Come on little lee, I can’t help you out if you don’t ask,” he cooed, gently spidering his fingers on the tops of his feet, making him let out a quick giggle at the touch. 

 “Ohohokay, okay. Um,” he looked away bashfully. “Can you go back to, back to my stomach? You, you can tease. Too. If you want, or whatever,” he added quickly, still refusing to look Roman in the eye. Roman beamed.

 “Why, I would love to.”

 Roman sat down next to Virgil, and actually undid his cuffs, much to Virgil’s surprise. “Alright, now keep your arms up,” he whispered, sending a pink flush to his cheeks. 

 “W-what?” he giggled shyly. Roman poked his tummy. 

 “You heard me. You gotta keep them up aaaaall by yourself.” 

 Virgil giggled again, and cautiously raised his arms above his head and gripped the headboard. “Okay, I’m ready.” 

 Roman nodded with a smile and began lightly skittering his fingernails all over Virgil’s quivering tummy. Virgil immediately burst into soft, sweet giggles, the ones he could probably stop if he tried, but definitely didn’t want to, and rocked back and forth onto the bed. Roman kept the fingers teasing his sides gently, then lifted up his shirt slightly and started peppering cute little kisses all over the pale skin. Virgil squealed lightly and giggled slightly harder at the wonderfully maddening feeling, drinking in every bit of feeling he could. 

 Finally after about ten minutes, Virgil slowly lowered his arms from the headboard and Roman stopped. Overwhelming exhausted overcame him like an ocean and he yawned. “Thank you, Roman. This was the best day of my life.” Roman smiled at the compliment.

 “Why I’m so happy it was, Virgil. We will certainly do it again.” He stood up to leave, but Virgil grabbed his arm. 

 “Stay with me?” he asked, pulling on his arm like a child. Roman chuckled.

 “Of course.”

 And the two of them napped together, each so peaceful and happy in that they found each other, and waking up wondering if it was all just a dream.

[elvenferretots]

Hey! I'm the anon who asked about the dog training resources. I've bookmarked all the books and looked up Hannah and what not! I dont have a dog just yet- planning on rescuing when we finally move unto our house- but I love being prepared. I've just recently started following you, so I'm not sure if you'd be able to help fully- but do you have any tips and resources on training dog sports? Or any Tumblr users you can redirect me to that may be able to help?

That’s so awesome, Anon! It’s so exciting, getting prepared to adopt a dog. I waited to answer this because I wanted to use an actual computer to add links. Depending on the dog sport, I can probably point you to a resource or someone who knows where to start!

Any AKC sport can be found on their website. That’s a great place to start if you are in the US. Other countries all have their own kennel clubs, and their websites should have the basics on registration and titling (mixed breeds can also participate in most sports as long as they are altered!). FDSA is a great place to start for foundations in a lot of these.

Traditional Obedience: This is my favourite sport! It’s all about precision and teamwork, but does not require intensive speed. This is the stuff that Hannah Branigan’s book is about, and what most training clubs teach above “pet” classes. Your local kennel club or training club is a great resource for this sport, especially if you are able to attend a trial. You can see how the sport works and network with the local community. @theadventurek9 has titled her aussie in obedience (and also does disc, agility, dock diving, and Rally)! You can always shoot me specific questions about this sport and I can point you somewhere or put something together with TenSoon.

Rally-O: Rally Obedience is a lot of heelwork, and is judged less strictly than traditional obedience. You are allowed to cheer on and guide your dog in early levels. Signs guide you through the course, and you can get the first AKC title online this year. Details for online titling are on the website. This is a super fun sport to train, and also likely available at local training clubs. I really like this sport for clicker training and building teamwork. TenSoon and I are not experts, but here’s a video of us doing a practice course in my yard. The signs can be confusing, so I recommend taking a class online or in person if it’s your first sport, but FAQ and all the signs are here. Some of the signs are hard and some are self-explanatory, but training a heel (dog walks with you, shoulder to your left leg), front (dog comes and sits straight in front of you), stay, tucked sit, down, and kickback stand are an excellent start. You can find those in the Awesome Obedience book. I like classes, because there’s a lot of ways to teach, and an instructor can find a way that jives well with you and your dog. You can also always shoot me specific questions about this sport and I can put something together with TenSoon.

Tricks: You can get trick and stunt dog titles for your dog! The book 101 Dog Tricks is the go-to resource for training, and you can title through Do More With Your Dog and tranfer titles to AKC, or title directly with AKC. My first dog was a trick and stunt dog, and it’s a lot of fun. Clicker training can help with more complicated tricks. Most dogblrs teach tricks.

Disc: Disc is just frisbee for dogs! I post the most about disc, because it is just so fun. There are several associations for the sport, so local disc clubs will often play with many. The titles from UpDog transfer over to AKC. I really like Flying Dingo Dog Training videos on YouTube for foundations! This is a sport you really don’t need classes or anything for. You just need you, your dog, and some discs! Less mobile dogs can compete in UpDog with rollers, so as long as your dog likes to fetch, it can play.

Tracking: Your dog follows a scent to an end goal! This is TenSoon’s favourite sport.There are several kinds of tracking, and Ten and I do AKC-style. I took FDSA classes on this at Gold level, and honestly, it was spendy but worth the money to be able to submit video for critique. This sport requires a lot of setup, but most of your training will be alone. Once you have the procedure down, you just keep setting tracks and increasing difficulty. The whole sport is on-leash, and involves learning to trust your dog and think ahead. Then if you run into a problem, you can bring it to someone who has a few more miles in the sport. I’m always happy to talk tracking. @konmari-dogs and @rustpup both track with their springer spaniels. Bitesport people also train tracking, much more meticulously. @shotinthekidney may have some input, as well as @werewolvesinthewoods; although I know tracking isn’t always a bitesport favourite to teach.

Scent work: Unlike tracking, a dog does not follow a trail for scent work, but rather looks for a certain scent in a container. It’s similar to what drug detection dogs do. It’s an ideal sport for older or less mobile dogs, so I’m holding off on learning this one until I have to retire my dog from other sports. I don’t know any dogblrs who do scent work, but The National Association of Canine Scent Work has an instructor directory and FDSA almost always has classes. 

Barnhunt: Like scent work, but the dog finds a contained rat in a barn around obstacles. I don’t know any dogblrs who participate, and have no desire to encourage my dog’s prey drive like that (or keep him from peeing on the hay, which is a disqualification). But I know a TON of dog people, especially terrier people, love this sport! Any dog can play, and title with AKC through the Barn Hunt Association. I know @doberbutts has had some positive experiences with barn hunt, even if it isn’t his sport, and may be able to point you to where to start.

Dock Diving: If your dog loves to swim and fetch, dock diving is the perfect sport! If you have access to a dock, you can train with just a dog and a toy, encouraging longer and longer jumps. Dog pools are also available at some training facilities, which may offer rented pool time or lessons. NADD titles are recognized by the AKC, but there are other organizations as well. @pseudopoodle and @twobigears dock dive. @spanishmal also used to do some dock diving, I believe? She does lure coursing, mostly, which is only open to sighthounds. But if racing sounds fun to you, FAST CAT is an option that her gorgeous dobermans did and is open to all dogs. 

Agility: This is a super popular sport! It’s fun and fast and flashy, and training can be good exercise. It’s entirely off-leash and is not a great match for overly reactive dogs or dogs with mobility issues. If you have a herding breed or mix, this may be a great match, but all breeds can play. I don’t really have any interest in agility, but know a lot of dogblrs who do: @dndogs @thepastisthepast2 @pawsitivevibe @twobigears @canisitsnotlupus just to name a few...

Weight Pull, Mushing, and Carting: @pulldogs does weight pull with a popular breed for the sport (apbt’s). @malinwoman also does for-fun weight pull with her malinois. Just like it sounds, your dog pulls weight on a special pulling harness. A lot of bully breeds and high drive dogs enjoy weight pull, and it can good to burn a lot of energy in a leashed dog. Any size dog can compete, and you should see those little dogs go! Carting is a sport I am interested in that involves the dog pulling a cart like a pony, with either a rider or freight; @smoothexpression carts, and FDSA may offer a class in the near future. Bernese Mountain Dog and rottweiler clubs often hold carting events, but it can just be fun to do in your neighborhood or to help with chores. @darkwood-sleddog mushes and backpacks, and has a ton of valuable information on those sports, as well as the equipment and training involved!

Sorry if I missed any dogblrs or sports! There are a lot more dog sports out there, but these are some of the most accessible that have a following on Tumblr. Most others are either going to be breed-specific and likely unsuitable for a rescue dog (bitesports, conformation, herding, retrieving, barnhunt, earthdog, etc.) or obscure and hard to get involved in as of yet (treibball, wall climbing, mondio OB, etc.). Hopefully that covers the bases you were looking for. Good luck, and if you need something more specific, my ask box is always open!

[fordboyle]

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[how-to-portuguese]

hey, hope this ask finds you well! I've been wanting to study EP (European Portuguese) for a while now but I can't find any resources available. I'd appreciate it greatly if you would recommend me any resources that you use (especially self-study methods that use the IPA, grammar books would help too!). thank you so so much and have a great day/night!!!

Hey! I know it can be really difficult to find EP resources, especially when you are starting out. I’ll give you a bit of background about my own journey and talk about the resources I have found along the way. (Edit: This is quite a long post, so the content is after the break.)

I started learning European Portuguese about 4.5 years ago. Like many others, I struggled to find good EP resources online, and so I ended up taking evening classes. I had a really good teacher and a very small class, and so the lessons helped me build a solid foundation. We used the Gramática Ativa 1 (A1/A2/B1) book by Isabel Coimbra and Olga Mata Coimbra and the Gramática Aplicada: Português para Estrangeiros (A1/A2/B1) book and the corresponding Caderno de Exercícios by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho.

I moved about 2 years ago and am no longer able to take the evening classes, so I have only been doing self-study in my free time. I am currently working my way through the Manual de Aprender Português 3 (B2) by João Malaca Casteleiro, Luísa Coelho e Carla Oliveira. I also bought the Gramática Aplicada Português Língua Estrangeira (B2/C1) book by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho and the Português Atual 3 (C1/C2) book by Hermínia Malcata, but I have not started them yet.

You can find all off these books and others by the same authors online at Bertrand.pt and Lidel.pt. Some of the book series come with CDs for you to be able to do listening exercises at home, which will give you some exposure to the pronunciation. I also bought the Harry Potter series in European Portuguese from Bertand last Christmas (there is a difference between the BP and EP versions!), and I think pushing myself through those books is helping me to reach a much higher level. I can really tell a difference from where I was when I started the Philosopher’s Stone to where I am now starting Prisoner of Azkaban.

I never had books on pronunciation since I took classes from a native Portuguese and my partner is Portuguese. However, I did a quick search on the Bertrand website and found Manual de Pronúncia e Prosódia by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho. I can’t say whether they use IPA or not in that book, but it might be worth looking into. I liked the grammar books by those authors, so the pronunciation manual is probably good as well.

I recently reblogged a YouTube video called The Secret to Understanding Portuguese Natives by Practice Portuguese. That video uses IPA to explain EP vowel sounds. It is about 40 minutes long, but it is worth the time. The Practice Portuguese team have a handful of other YouTube videos and podcasts where they have their viewers submit recordings of themselves reading a text and then they review it and provide advice.

There is also a Practice Portuguese website with other material and lessons, but I have not used it yet as it is not free. It seems to have a lot of good content for beginners, but it’s not clear whether they have a lot of paid content for intermediate and advanced learners. (That is really the only thing stopping me from signing up, so if someone knows the answer then let me know!). I think they are working on a mobile app as well.

I tried A LOT of free language-learning apps offering Portuguese. Most of them only offer Brazilian Portuguese or are very bad quality. Portuguese with Carla did a YouTube video with a really good, in-depth review of the Top 10 European Portuguese Learning Apps. Talk the Streets also has a YouTube video about learning European Portuguese with free apps. Both of those YouTube channels, along with Practice Portuguese, are fully dedicated to EP language learning content.

I completed the DuoLingo tree a while ago, but I did the tree without sound (it was just too confusing). I still use it now and again to practice verb conjugations while commuting. It was helpful that my partner is Portuguese and could point out differences in word usage and grammar. You could potentially use DuoLingo with the DeepL translator and/or the Priberam dictionary to help determine whether a word is more common in Brazil or in Portugal. Linguee is also useful for definitions and to see how a word is used in context.

Memrise does have some European Portuguese lessons. Some people really like this app, but it just wasn’t for me. I think the content wasn’t a good fit because I only discovered the app after I had been taking Portuguese lessons for more than a year. I also really disliked their notification system (even more than DuoLingo), and the app design felt a little too childish and a little too gamified.

Anki and Quizlet are both good flashcard apps. I have heard a lot of positive things about both of them. I tried this briefly, but they mostly reminded how much I hate flashcards. I personally don’t enjoy rote memorisation, and I find that I learn better when I encounter new words in context and then try to use them in conversation or in writing. I think that’s why regularly watching/reading the news on sites like RTP and Público and reading the Harry Potter series has been helpful.

I also tried Tandem, which is a language exchange app. I use it now and again for writing practice, but every time I show myself as online I get flooded with dozens of messages which can be a bit overwhelming. It can be difficult to keep track of the active conversations, as your inbox keeps filling up and pushing those conversations further down the list. I think part of the problem is that you have to put your native language, and a lot of people jump at the chance to practice with a native English speaker. I also have yet to find a native EP speaker, although occasionally I have chatted with pople who make corrections to my messages in both Brazilian and European Portuguese.

One of the cheapest options for lessons is finding teachers through iTalki. You can arrange private lessons with a native speaker from Portugal. Some of these are professional teachers (very few in my experience) and others are native speakers (often linguistic students) trying to get teaching experience or just earn some extra money. I tried iTalki lessons for a while, but the people I had lessons with didn’t seem prepared to teach grammar to someone at my level. It was good for conversation practice, but it just wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. It does seem to get really good reviews from beginners.

You can also look into doing classes online through Instituto Camões. They have online self-learning courses, group classes, and individual classes. The self-learning classes are €180 for 12 weeks, and the price increases up to €320 for 12 weeks of individual tutoring. I have been considering this option recently, as I have found it difficult to commit to regular self-study while also working a full-time job (I’m a Tumblr ancient). I think the financial commitment and the regular schedule would really help me, but that is a personal preference.

If you ever decide that you want to do some language classes in Portugal, you might consider the University of Coimbra Portuguese language courses. They do short courses and several degrees in Portuguese language, literature, and linguistics. There are great language courses all over Portugal, but University of Coimbra is a really cool university in a very nice city. The student culture there is really famous even in Portugal. I haven’t studied there myself, but I have spent a lot of time in the city and the university makes me a bit sad that I am no longer a student.

Whew, this ended up being long post! I tried to give a variety of resources at different price points. I hope you find at least some of this helpful! I may reblog if I remember anything else, and maybe some of my followers will have more suggestions...

[ingek73]

Here Are 20 Headlines Comparing Meghan Markle To Kate Middleton That Might Show Why She And Prince Harry Are Cutting Off Royal Reporters

Over the years, Meghan has been shamed for the same things for which her sister-in-law, Kate, has been praised.

Ellie Hall

BuzzFeed News Reporter

Last updated on January 13, 2020, at 12:00 p.m. ET

Posted on January 13, 2020, at 10:40 a.m. ET

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (aka Prince Harry and Meghan Markle) didn't just shockingly "step back" as senior members of the royal family this week — they gave the UK media a big "fuck-you" for years of what they said was biased and unfair coverage.

The couple's new website on breaking up with years of royal protocol laid out — among a lot of other things — their media strategy, stating that they will no longer participate in the traditional royal press system that grants exclusive access to a select group of UK outlets.

Britain’s royal correspondents, they said, are seen as reliable sources of information. "This misconception propels coverage that is often carried by other outlets around the world, amplifying frequent misreporting," they wrote. Removing themselves from "royal rota" coverage has sparked an outcry among UK media and drew a protest from the National Union of Journalists.

This isn't a new complaint from the royal couple — they just took an unprecedented step to do something about it. Harry and Meghan have said publicly that they believe they have been treated unfairly by the UK press since the moment news broke of their relationship — that they are bullied, that there are racist undertones to coverage of them, and that they have been held to a different standard than Harry's brother and sister-in-law, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (aka Prince William and Kate Middleton).

The UK media outlets that currently make up the royal rota are the Daily Express, the Daily Mail, the Daily Mirror, the Evening Standard, the Telegraph, the Times, and the Sun.

Here is a look at 20 stories from these outlets that appear to show a double standard between press coverage of Meghan and Kate. BuzzFeed News has reached out to all of the outlets featured below for comment.

Kate: "Bumping along nicely! The Duchess was seen placing a protective hand on her tummy as she exited the event." Daily Mail: March 22, 2018

Meghan: "Personally, I find the cradling a bit like those signs in the back of cars: Baby on Board. Virtue signaling, as though the rest of us barren harridans deserve to burn alive in our cars." Daily Mail: Jan. 26, 2019

Kate and William: "Prince William was given one of the green fruit – wrapped up in a bow – by a little boy who's mother is suffering during her pregnancy too... 'He said he'd take it to [Kate] and see what happens – and said good luck for [the boy's] mummy.'" Express: Sept. 14, 2017

Meghan: "The pregnant Duchess of Sussex and so-called 'avocado on toast whisperer' is wolfing down a fruit linked to water shortages, illegal deforestation and all round general environmental devastation." Express: Jan. 23, 2019

Kate: "Royal sources said yesterday that the Queen understood and endorsed William and Kate’s decision not to spend Christmas Day with her. One said: ‘Her Majesty understands that it is a dilemma that many young couples face and acknowledges how close Catherine’s relationship is with her family." Daily Mail: Dec. 16, 2016

Meghan: "The fact is the Queen expects to have the family around her for the festive season... to the Queen, for whom the tradition of the family gathering is a key date in her calendar, Harry and Meghan’s absence will be a matter of great sadness. It will also be a source of frustration." Daily Mail: Nov. 13, 2019

Kate and William: "Creating their own companies will allow William and Kate to bring out, should they ever chose to, myriad items of officially-endorsed merchandise from tea towels to coffee cups... Kensington Palace officials said they were doing the ‘sensible thing’ in protecting the couple’s rights." Daily Mail: Jan. 17, 2014

Meghan and Harry: "The Sussexes want to stamp their name on dozens of products including T-shirts, hoodies, journals and gloves for their newly-created foundation Sussex Royal... Experts said Harry and Meghan were actively preparing to quit the Royal Family months ago by filing trade mark applications to commercially protect their brand." Daily Mail: Jan. 9, 2020

Kate and William: "Prince William yesterday backed brother Harry’s brave admission of his mental anguish — and blasted the monarchy’s 'stiff upper lip' tradition... William said: 'There may be a time and a place for the ‘stiff upper lip’ but not at the expense of your health... '

"'Catherine and I are clear we want both George and Charlotte to grow up feeling able to talk about their emotions and feelings. Over the past year we have visited a number of schools together where we have been amazed listening to children talk about some quite difficult subjects in a clear and emotionally articulate way, something most adults would struggle with. Seeing this has really given me hope things are changing and there is a generation coming up who find it normal to talk openly about emotions.'” Sun: April 19, 2017

Meghan and Harry: "Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have bucked royal tradition once again with their latest TV interview — in which they claimed they were 'existing, not living.' The couple ditched the stiff upper lip of previous Royal Family generations and flew the flag for 'Generation Therapy' as they revealed their emotions to the world - but were they right to do so?

"What you make of 'fragile' Prince Harry and Meghan's comments may depend on your generation. Sun parents and kids reveal what they think of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex airing their emotions in public - and whether they have the right to moan in such positions of privilege..." Sun: Oct. 23, 2019

Kate: "It was reported that new Duchess of Cambridge requested her favorite scented candles and toiletries from luxury fragrance brand Jo Malone be delivered to scent the Abbey. A selection of candles, handwashes and lotions was requested, specifically in citrus spring scents including Orange Blossom, Grapefruit and the ever-popular Lime, Basil & Mandarin." Daily Mail: May 4, 2011

Meghan: "'Meghan wanted staff to go around with these atomizers, like spritzer guns, and spray the chapel with scent before anyone arrived. Royal Household staff stepped in and told her office politely, but firmly, that this was the queen's chapel and it simply wasn't appropriate. I don't believe they said no because they thought it could affect the chapel in any way. It was simply the principle of the thing. This is a place that has held royal weddings, funerals and even contains the royal vault. I don't believe a request of that nature had been made before.'" Daily Mail: Nov. 30, 2018

Kate: "As far as bridal bouquets go there was nothing particularly regal about Kate Middleton’s modest arrangement of simple, seasonal flowers. Like the bride herself the bouquet was effortlessly elegant and understated.

"Yet behind that modest posy lay a secret story. Kate, the commoner-turned-duchess, had painstakingly selected blooms with real meaning. She is evidently well-versed in the language of flowers, a little-known romantic relic from the 19th century.

"Hence the use of lilac in her bouquet, which signifies the first emotions of love, the lily of the valley meaning a return of happiness, hyacinth standing for constancy, myrtle meaning love and the ivy, which represents fidelity. Then of course there was the suitably named Sweet William, which is shorthand for gallantry." Express: Aug. 29, 2011

Meghan: "[Meghan Markle] was holding a wedding bouquet which flowers were replicated in Princess Charlotte and the other bridesmaids’ flower crowns. Express.co.uk can now reveal the children’ crowns were made of flowers that can be deadly, especially for children. Meghan’s bouquet was made of forget-me-nots as well as sweet peas, lily of the valley, astilbe, jasmine, and astrantia...

"Lily of the valley is a highly poisonous woodland flowering plant and ingestion could be deadly... As Meghan’s bridesmaids were so young, having this flower on their heads could be considered a dangerous decision. Other brides have also used this flowers including Kate Middleton, Princess Eugenie and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall." Express: Oct. 13, 2019

Kate and William: "The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh missed the small family affair. The decision is understood not to have been taken on health grounds, and to have been mutually agreed by the Queen and the Cambridges some time ago. The Queen, 92, has a busy week ahead, with high-profile celebrations in central London marking the centenary of the RAF on Tuesday, and a visit by US President Donald Trump in Windsor on Friday." Daily Mail: July 9, 2018

Meghan and Harry: "The situation has surprised some senior staff at Buckingham Palace, who feel that the duke and duchess should have planned the day better. ‘There is huge support for the couple in not wanting to conform to tradition. They are young, they are striking out on a different path from other members of the Royal Family and there is enormous goodwill for them. But they shouldn’t do that without regard for tradition,’ said one. ‘Her Majesty was already scheduled to be in Scotland for her annual Holyrood Week and had a prior engagement at the weekend. There is a feeling amongst some that they should have been more accommodating about the date.’" Daily Mail: July 4, 2019

Kate: "It is a fashion conundrum not many of us will ever face, but what exactly does one wear for tea with the Queen? The Duchess of Cambridge met this challenge head on yesterday by co-ordinating her outfit with the Queen’s powder blue ensemble... The Queen, on her first ­official event to mark her Diamond Jubilee, was dressed in a pastel hat and two-piece coat dress with military-style rows of gold buttons designed by Angela Kelly. Looking relaxed and elegant, her outfit was perfect for what looked like a fun official engagement with the girls." Mirror: Feb. 14, 2013

Meghan: "The Queen's aides had told [Meghan] she would be wearing a green hat as a mark of respect to those who died in the Grenfell Tower fire. The Queen is said to have been 'baffled' when Meghan turned up without a hat as she didn't realize she was supposed to wear one too. A senior aide said: 'I don't think the Duchess fully understood. This was not a request. Those are for others to make, not the Queen.' The Queen's staff are said to have noted the Duchess's mistake or 'lack of deference'" Mirror: Oct. 29, 2018

Kate: "We see a woman in her prime: stylish, confident and positively radiant, nailing outfit after outfit in the style stakes — and it’s a joy to witness... That old uniform of girlish dresses, tan tights and nude heels has been replaced by dazzling super-chic outfits to satisfy even the most exacting fashionista." Daily Mail: June 16, 2019

Meghan: "Proper royalty is about tradition and duty, self-effacing service and loyalty — year after year after year, season after season... That is not to say that a monarchy cannot or must not move with the times — simply that it has to resist the temptation to be buffeted by passing cultural trends. Fashion is the exact opposite. And as fashion’s most famous bible, Vogue exemplifies the transient nature of the beast." Daily Mail: July 29, 2019

[emtalksbooks]

Beyond Education: Radical Studying for Another World by Eli Meyerhoff

Topics: Higher education, history of higher education, community education, organizing and protesting

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Discussion: Meyerhoff's 2019 book discusses, the failures and shortcomings of the promise of higher education in North America. Slim in size and massive in stature, this book is essential reading for anyone currently in higher ed and sick of it, in any capacity.

Meyerhoff lays bare the failings of the university for everyone -- particularly graduate students, staff, and precariously employed faculty -- but his lessons can be applied to any student struggling against a seemingly impenetrable wall of what we know, in our bones, higher ed is supposed to be. He argues against the narrative of romanticized education -- the education is always a form of love [see an upcoming post on Sarah Jaffe's Work Won't Love You Back for more about this], something to be strived for, achieved, and universally acclaimed.

Education doesn't have to be the box checking, stifling, claustrophobic and cloistered thing that it has become, Frankenstein-like, as federal and state funding plummeted and universities became business-ified in a death spiral of dollars and cents.

By discussing the narrative of "drop outs" as a moral and policy failure, Meyerhoff shows the deeply racist, classist, and sexist underpinnings of how we ("we," here, being people who make our living in higher ed) talk about education. Instead of a romantic model, a model of love, education can be a resistance, a means to greater power in politic and abolition, a celebration of community knowledge, and a non-hierarchical space to create something new. Meyerhoff, it would seem, recognizes the capitalistic and human limits of these endeavors, as shown by his chapter, a sort of self-assessment, of a free university he and his peers attempted to run while in graduate school.

While reading this book, I thought a lot about privilege, access, and resources. Meyerhoff situates himself as someone for whom education was at first romanticized; later, he discusses how the free university model he attempted to run co-opted university spaces and resources to engage with other students and the community. But you have to get in the door to steal from the shelves of the university in this way; the price of admission is astronomical, in terms of either familial wealth or student loans, and only certain people have the access to an undergraduate education, much less masters and doctorate level programs. You have to play the game to a certain extent to even get in those spaces to steal time, resources, money, and spaces to create the "free" university of Meyerhoff's attempts, and I would be interested to see the literal dollar signs it took everyone in the free university space to even be able to access this "free" model. Additionally, access for people with disabilities, people of color, poor people, and people who were otherwise cast aside by the k-12 education system will prevent them from being in these "radical" higher education spaces and graduate programs -- all of which means that "radical" systems in graduate school often take the shape of people, poor for the first time in their lives, are incensed by their chosen lot. Many of the discussions in this book can and should be applied elsewhere in society, to groups of people who did not romanticize their profession, but rather, needed to go into it to survive.

I'm skeptical of any book of education that looks so far into the past as this one does, back to the 1300s in this case, to discuss today's higher education crisis. I believe, of course, that historical perspectives can illuminate our struggle today, but this chapter felt disjointed from the rest of the text, and required a different background and understanding than the very twenty-first century rest of the book -- perhaps I am not the person for this chapter, and that's okay.

I also wonder, at times, what undergirds the romantic view of the university for people who are not Meyerhoff. For me, the university is a place of infinite play -- playing with language, playing with words, playing with ideas. Again, my post on Jaffe's book will expand upon the understanding that play for your boss is still work. But, for those of us who did come into higher education with language, writing, and creation on our minds, the university does, in fact, give us ample place to do so, so long as we are not so enamored that we miss the capitalistic, neoliberal foundation on which it was built.

Can we be romantic without romanticism? That is: Can we love the affordances of higher education, including that I was able to read and write for 6 years, an immense privilege, and know that it was not the place necessarily that did that for us, but rather, the time, the invisible debt or scholarships or family money as "income," the walkability of our campuses, the dining halls that took care of our meals, the mentors, professors, and staff who literally cleaned up after us? Can we see all of this, all at once, holding inside our minds the idea that the university did this and that we don't need the university to do this, if we had truly radical societies in which all our needs were collectively met, so that we could read, and write, and hang out with our friends, and know that breakfast would be waiting for us, hot and ready, in the morning in the dining halls?

Because I think, at the heart of it, the romanticizing of higher ed from those of us still inside of us is about the future -- our whole life's work ahead of us, so brilliant, of course, genius even -- and for people who went to college and then left, what they want is not the university, but to be nineteen again, surrounded by friends, challenged, allowed to fail in spectacular ways without serious consequences. Of course, I am speaking in generalities here, and know that not everyone's college experience was as rose-tinged as my own.

As an instructor, I can (and do) talk a big game about teaching and empathy, teaching radically, radical honesty and care for students, but at the end of the semester, I input grades, mark attendance, and turn my students into so many squares in the learning management system. I do this because I like having a job, and I like keeping it. Someone has to pay the bills. Someone has to make the breakfast. Someone has to take the trash out. Someone has to live in late capitalism.

And at the heart of my frustration with this book, and every single book like it, to no fault of their own, is that individualized solutions to the crisis of higher education simply will not dismantle the underlying issues of access, equity, and surveillance that pervade our students' lived realities. Faculty, too, have a lived reality, of mortgages in increasingly expensive rural college towns, of childcare challenges, of needing dental insurance. The system is so far beyond higher education -- the system of our country, and the world now, so removed from a utopian space -- that any university-utopia would be an aberration, a blip in the fabric of this country. It would not fix it.

Link: To read: Free on Meyerhoff's website.

[asphalt-cocktail]

For the Sake of Content- Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Pseudonym: Sugar

Summary: After walking in on your long-term boyfriend, Harrison, cheating on you and then losing your job the following day; your find yourself broke, jobless, and single for the first time in a long while. In order to make ends meet, your best friend since college, Freddie, suggests you start soliciting explicit photos of yourself, not only to help boost your confidence but to help pay the rent for his band mate’s apartment you just moved into.

A/N: Hello my lovelies! I’m so happy with the reception I've gotten with my fic! I’m really excited with what I have written out so far and I’m really happy seeing everyone enjoying what I have written, i have big plans for this little cutie. Not a lot is going to happen during these first few chapters other than establishing the foundation because it is a slow burn, but don’t worry, once we get there it’ll be like a fucking avalanche of chaos. My tag list is open, so if you are interested feel free to send me an ask! I will be reblogging with my taglist and links to the previous chapter, so please be patient with me!

Pairing: Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex work, masturbation, some friendly banter between roger and reader, not proof read, short chapter but don’t worry it gets better.

Word Count: 1.7k

18+ if you are a minor do NOT interact with this post. This is fictitious content and I own nothing.

It was your first night living with Roger and you were secretly thankful he was busy with a gig which allowed you to unpack your things in peace. He made it very clear that you were to stick your side of the apartment, i.e. your room, and not ruin the ‘aesthetic’ he had worked so hard for his apartment to have. It disappointed you to say the least, considering your only qualm with the apartment was the hideous wood paneling that made up the walls of the living room. It looked like a scene straight out of a 1970s porno.

The later it got the more you progressed in unpacking what little boxes you had and the closer it got to Roger coming home. You finished with what you decided would be the last box of the night and now laid in your bed, door closed, your colored LED lights dimly lighting your room a deep red color.

Your frowned going through your emails and reading rejection letter after rejection letter from the jobs you had applied for. You were thankful you were quite the penny pincher and were able to survive to for at least a month, but the dread still loomed over you like a dark cloud.

Your mind drifted to Freddie’s suggestion from earlier that week, “Try camming, love, it’s all the rage right now!” his loud voice echoed in your mind until you finally caved and grabbed your phone typing in your search engine how to be a camgirl.

Several articles popped up;

How to Become a Cam Girl

TIPS FOR BECOMING A CAM GIRL & HOW I DID IT

Camming on a Limited Budget?

You sighed, your eyes felt strained from reading article after article. You’d seen several reoccurring websites, the two most popular being Twitter, Snapchat, and some live stream sight called WatchMe. Skepticism filled your brain, why would people be so into buying nudes from people or watching them masturbate on camera when they could do it for free on some porn site?

The sense of intimacy that one got, anonymity, and personal interactions with some who was literally paid to be nice to you over ruled the financial aspect.

The financial aspect also caused you to throw what little shame you had left out the window and soon you found yourself impulsively signing up for all three sights starting first with WatchMe. You pursed your lips when you found yourself being prompted to enter your name, what the hell would you put? You certainly couldn’t put your real name, could you? No, you couldn’t. You found yourself smiling while entering Sugar into the name space.

The application process was surprisingly long and bureaucratic, but it was probably good they had you submit a picture of your license twice, once just on its own, and once next to your face just to confirm you were of legal age. The only downside was that it would be a three day wait for the information to be processed.

You scrolled through your imaged looking for some pictures or videos to put on your premium snapchat, but much to your dismay you found that you had a few vanilla nudes taken ages ago back when your and Harrison’s relationship was still young and romantic, but not much else. You reluctantly got out of bed and rummaged through your underwear drawer, picking through your cotton granny panties you wore when your period made you bloated and finally found a black lacy pair of panties that had a matching black lacy balconette bra that pushed your breasts together giving you the perfect amount of cleavage.

You put it on and stood in front of your full-length mirror, it had been ages since you’d last put on lingerie. It felt nice to put it on for yourself and not for someone else; you twisted in the mirror, observing how the lace delicately cupped your cheeks and hugged your hips perfectly. You chewed on your bottom lip and posed, kneeling in front of the mirror, your legs spread and your back arched to give your chest a little extra pop while you positioned your phone over your face and clicked a few pictures.

The red lighting in your room caused a complimentary glow against your skin, showering you in red light and somehow making your images look more erotic. You smiled a bit to yourself, you looked hot!

Our relationship is boring

The word hammered against your mind, causing you to frown and your brows to knit together in frustration.

You were NOT boring, did boring people take pictures of themselves to sell to other people? No.

You found yourself getting hot with frustration and strangely enough, arousal. You didn’t know if it was from how you were dressed working in tandem with the lighting or if it was your pent-up frustration from not having a proper orgasm in so long, but you soon found your hand traveling south while you remained kneeling in front of the mirror. Before you began you carefully positioned your phone, just enough to keep your face out of the picture and rubbed your thighs, leaving teasing touches around the band of your panties.

Your chest heaved with anticipation, you didn’t know why but the fact that you were being videotaped added a feeling of naughtiness to your actions. You gave your slit a teasing rub, your hips twitching at the sudden pressure before your fingers harshly rubbed yourself. The rough fabric of the lace adding an additional tingle to the pleasure that shot through you. You moaned, leaning back ever so slightly to angle yourself and rubbed yourself through your panties, strumming harshly at your clit.

“Ah, fuck.” You whined, reaching up with your free hand and kneading your breasts, pulling your bra down and allowing them to freely spill over. Your nipples reacted to the cold air and hardened almost immediately. You pinched and twisted at them while your fingers began to move faster and faster against your wet core before you decided you needed to fully touch yourself.

You stripped off your panties and spread yourself for the camera, allowing your glistening cunt to be on full display. You slipped your fingers between your folds and began to rub harsh circled around your clit, rolling your hips along with your motions and allowing unfiltered moans to fall from your lips. Roger wouldn’t be home for another few hours, but for some reason the idea that you may get caught enhanced the arousal you felt.

You dipped two fingers into your tight hole, letting out a high-pitched sigh and now feeling contently full. You pumped them in and out of your tight cunt, the slick sounds squelching as you pumped them in and out rapidly. Your stomach clenched when you brushed against that spot inside you and a knot in your tummy began to tighten, getting tighter and tighter each time you thrust your fingers into you. You used the heel of your hand to rub harshly against your clit, the slickness guiding you with ease “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” You whimpered out, rolling your hips against your hands.

The tightening knot in your stomach snapped and your body jerked while a wave of pleasure washed over you.

After you recovered, you sat up, did you just masturbate in front of a camera? You couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your face; it was like you had a dirty little secret of your own.

When you finally ventured out of your room you found Roger lounging in the living room “Wow, out of your room for once?” Roger asked, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

“No company tonight?” You chimed, noting the absence of some bar floozy hanging off his shoulder, “Did your show go all right?”

Roger’s brows were tightly knit together, he was obviously tense over something and the long sigh he let out before answering you practically told the story; “No, it was complete garbage.” He mumbled, “The venue, not us.” He quickly followed with.

Right, of course Queen was perfect, but you decided to entertain the idea, inching closer into the living room, “What was so bad about the venue?”

It was as though he were waiting for someone to ask him that question, “The crowd was total shit, I know Freddie is damn good at interacting with the crowd, they were just,” He took a surprisingly aggressive drink from his beer bottle, rolling his eyes at the memory, “Stiff as hell,” He mumbled, “Then! That wasn’t even the worst part, on top of that the power cut out not once but three times!” He dramatically raised his arms in frustration, “I practically threw my set off the stage after the third time.” Roger scoffed. Despite your distance from him you could smell the combined stench of sweat, cigarettes, and alcohol that seemed to seep into his garish outfit.

You arched an eyebrow at him “You threw your kit off the stage?” your voice pitched in disbelief.

Roger shrugged “Yeah,” he was so nonchalant, “What about it?”   

“Well I guess you won’t be going back there anytime soon,” You mumbled, and Roger raised his bottle in agreement, “You know, I was thinking we could paint the walls a nice cream color.” You mentioned, lightly running your hands across the drab wood paneling.

Roger narrowed his eyes at you, “Paint over wood panel?” He scoffed, “It’s original finish, you can’t do that!”

You rolled your eyes dramatically, “I can tell it’s original, I can practically smell 1970 seeping out when it gets too hot in here.” You chastised, “Plus painting the walls a lighter color will brighten it up a bit, what the hell are you trying to live in, a cave?”

“Fine, you get to paint the accent wall and I’ll take the others.”

“I pay half the rent here too!” You constantly reminded him that he wasn’t the only one who lived here anymore.

Roger let out a frustrated sigh, “Fine you get two walls and I’ll get two. Have fun painting them Saffron Ivory of whatever boring color you decide on.”

Well, guess your civil conversation is over, you sighed, “At least it’ll look better,” You mumbled, turning back to face him "Shouldn't you shower, you filthy bastard" You scrunched your nose up at his pungent post show odor.

"Ah, fuck off," Roger muttered flicking you the V.

You flashed him a closed mouthed smile "Pleasant, as always." you sarcastically stated before you found yourself slinking back into your room. You truly had no idea how Freddie expected you to coexist with this man.

[gemeauxlogy]

10 things I wish I knew about astrology when I began studying

As we all know, astrology is a huge, beautiful, but complicated field of study. There are infinite traditions, techniques, and approaches that you could spend years and years studying just a couple of them at a time! Astrology is one of those subjects that never ceases to amaze you and you never fully finish learning about it or "master" all of it. It weirdly gets more confusing and complex the longer you study it!

The things we read and learn about astrology when we first start out studying are usually very different from what we learn as we continue studying longterm. You'll start to have sudden crises and realize "wait, this entire concept I learned a while back doesn't work at all how I originally thought it did," or "I just learned this new concept and it makes some things I learned a while ago make absolutely no sense, so now I have to change my entire view on astrology." Since there's so much information and so many different approaches to astrology, it takes time to really sort through everything to find what's helpful and useful to you, and what's not.

The things I'll be talking about here are tips that I really, really wish I had known earlier on in my studies to save me time and confusion. Not everyone will agree with me on all of these points, but these are some things I've learned, or realizations I've had that really changed the game for me.

1. Cookbook interpretations aren't totally accurate when studying or reading a chart.

When I say 'cookbook interpretation,' I'm referring to the interpretations where you simply look up "planet x in sign/house y" or "planet x aspecting planet y" and it gives you a bunch of generic possible meanings without being personalized to the specific chart you're looking it. They're sort of a one-size-fits-all summary that glazes over all of the nuance and context provided by the rest of the chart.

If you were to draw up another birth chart with the same placement you're interested in researching, but all the other components of the chart are different, you would get the exact same interpretation of that single placement regardless of how different the two charts are as a whole. Those types of interpretations can only go so far. They're great to start off with, don't get me wrong! It's impossible to look at a birth chart and be able to start putting all of the pieces together to form a personalized interpretation when you first start using astrology or learning about your own chart. Chances are, you don't even recognize the astrological glyphs yet! We can't suddenly come up with advanced interpretations right off the bat, we have to start somewhere.

Those cookbook interpretations are great to get a broad sense of what a placement does on its own, but in reality, no single placement functions as if it were immune to the influence of everything else in the chart. Every chart is unique. All of the different components factor into how each placement will manifest, which means a simple, generic description of a placement won't truly encapsulate the many facets that make your placements unique to you. If your goal is to study astrology seriously and practice it professionally or do readings for other people, I think it's incredibly important to eventually stop relying on those generic interpretations.

Don't worry about trying to memorize or make your interpretations perfectly match what websites say about them. They more than likely won't exactly fit an individual's chart since there's a lot more going on in a whole chart than a general summary will take into consideration.

If you want to learn how to provide impactful readings, break up with those short cut interpretations and practice gathering more individually accurate information from a chart.

2. Astrology is primarily centered around the planets, not the signs.

We're so used to seeing the signs being portrayed as the core component in astrology, that the majority of people don't even know astrology has more to it than that. Of course that's mainly because the average person hasn't really been exposed to astrology aside from seeing their horoscope in a magazine, but that focus on the signs even tends to carry over when we start studying horoscopic astrology (horoscopic astrology: the type of astrology that uses full charts that include your ascendant (rising), and the other planets/points that we know and love).

It's super easy and even fun to play with the idea of what the signs do and how we see those qualities reflected in people. But when you really look at it, the signs on their own are honestly very limited with what they can do and the influence they have in astrology overall. When we center our astrology around the signs (I've seen some astrologers call this "signology"), we're not too far off from doing exactly what people accuse horoscopes of doing: generalizing all people based on just 12 plain archetypes.

We know that there's a lot more to astrology than sorting people into 12 sets of characteristics, but we miss out on what astrology is fully capable of when we reduce it to the signs with a smaller mixture of planets, houses, and aspects on the side.

Aside from those considerations, let's look at the foundations of astrology. Looking back at the work of ancient astrologers, planets were the primary focus of astrology from the beginning. Astrology began with people observing the appearance and tracking the movements of the "wandering stars" in the sky, and taking those planets' qualities into consideration when determining what their jobs were. People used the planets to predict events long before systems of zodiac signs, houses, and aspects were formed. Hundreds of years before the zodiac signs that we know today were standardized, Babylonian astrologers used 17-18 constellations to track the motion of the planets. The zodiac "signs" back then weren't even the same as the ones we know now.

Later on when more systems, doctrines, and techniques were being developed, astrologers used the planetary rulership scheme to develop the meanings of the signs, NOT the other way around. Let me repeat that, because this is important. The signs did not pass their meanings on to the planets, the signs GOT their meanings FROM the planets they're ruled by.

Mercury doesn't represent communication because Gemini is associated with talkativeness, Gemini is associated with talkativeness because it is ruled by the planet Mercury. Capricorn didn't pass on some of its meaning on to Saturn, Capricorn got its meaning FROM its ruler, Saturn. The same goes for all of the other signs.

I'm being so thorough with this point because it makes it clear that even if you DO mainly use the signs, those signs' meanings are based on the planets, just like with the majority of other concepts in astrology.

Even breaking it down to one of the first things a lot of us learn in astrology, the signs simply tell you HOW the planets do what they do. The signs don't act on their own. The planets' positions and movements are ultimately what we pay attention to in astrology, whether it's in birth charts, horary charts, election charts, or even tracking transits' correlations to current events (mundane astrology).

If I have an empty house in my chart, what do I look for to find the meaning of that house? I look at where planetary ruler of that house is placed. If I want to know what changes my career will go through over the next year, what do I look for? The transits of the planetary ruler of my Midheaven or 10th house, or even looking at the different planets that will be moving past my Midheaven or through my 10th house.

The planets are key in astrology.

Understanding the how the planets work and making them your focus will improve what you do. Learn their strengths, their weaknesses, their temperaments, their cycles, etc, and it'll drastically change how you use astrology.

3. The signs are not equivalent to the houses.

I'll keep this one brief and direct because it seems to be a big topic of debate among astrologers.

To define them as best as I can, the signs are segments of the ecliptic (the annual path through space the Sun makes from the earth's POV) that the planets move through because of their rotation around the Sun (this planetary movement is called 'secondary motion'). The houses are segments of the earth's sky from a specific location that the planets seem to rotate through on a daily basis because of the earth's rotation on its axis (this daily movement is called 'primary motion').

Here are some pictures to try and help you visualize the difference between these two things.

The signs:

The Houses:

The houses (segments of the earth's sky) represent topics and areas of our lives. The signs (segments of the ecliptic) give the planets transiting through them different characteristics, and tell us which planets rule those transiting planets. They have two different purposes, which is why I firmly believe that we need to separate their meanings. Of course this is complicated a bit by what we call the '12 letter alphabet,' where we see Aries, Mars, and the 1st house all treated as being "naturally connected," then Taurus, Venus, and the 2nd house all are treated as being "naturally connected," and so on. The 12 letter alphabet is everywhere, unfortunately, so it takes most of us a while to come around to the fact that the houses and signs do not share purposes in astrology just because they're numbered the same (Aries = 1st house because it's the1st sign of the zodiac, etc).

To reiterate what I'm saying here, Aries (and Mars) does not "naturally rule" the 1st house. Taurus (and Venus) does not "naturally rule" the 2nd house. Gemini (and Mercury) does not "naturally rule" the 3rd house, and the same goes for the rest of the signs and houses.

Unless you're an Aries rising, this concept does not work. If you're a Capricorn rising, Saturn rules your 1st and 2nd houses, Jupiter rules your 3rd house, Mars rules your 4th house, Venus rules your 5th house, and so on. The ONLY people who have Aries + Mars associated with / ruling the 1st house are Aries risings. The ONLY people who have Capricorn + Saturn associated with / ruling the 10th house are Aries risings. I can't emphasize this enough.

If you really want to get into where the houses got their meanings, their position in the earth's sky, angularity (whether they're angular, succedent, or cadent), and planetary joys played a big part in that. I won't get into these right now, but if you want resources on these concepts, I recommend the lecture on the houses from The Astrology School.

Bottom line for this point: learn to distinguish the signs and houses. For a lot of us, the houses made almost no sense until we learned that they ARE NOT the same as the signs, and they shouldn't be treated as such.

4. The outer planets (Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto) are not usually very personally significant in a birth chart.

These three planets are called the 'generational planets' for a reason. They group together entire generations of people, which means their positions by sign are the same for people born within years and years of each other. They're so far from the Sun and they move so slowly that they are not as consistently active as the rest of the planets. Uranus takes around 8 years to move through ONE sign, which means everyone within 8 years of your age have the exact same Uranus sign as you. The same goes for Neptune and Pluto, but they're even slower, which means you share that sign placement with even more people.

So yes, I may have Pluto in Sagittarius and it supposedly makes me so adventurous and ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* free spirit *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧, but everyone born from 1996 to 2009 have Pluto in Sagittarius as well. Think about how many people were born in that 13 year long time span! And that's relatively quick for Pluto considering the fact that it can spend up to 31 YEARS in one sign.

A side note (and this is a personal belief, but I do know others who think this as well): I believe that Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto function differently from the other 7 planets. Part of what determines what the planets do is their visibility in the sky, their brightness, their color, and their speed. Fast planets are more active or faster to manifest than the slower moving ones. The brighter planets (Jupiter and Venus) are benefic, the dimmer, more muddy colored planets (Saturn and Mars) are malefic. Things like these are how ancient astrologers made note of what the planets represent. Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are newer planets (discovered within the last 200 years), so those same astrologers obviously weren't around to use those same guidelines to decide what they represent and how they work. But if you take those same things into consideration, the outer planets wouldn't be as significant in general, and some consider them to be malefics because 1) they're not visible to the naked eye, and 2) they're SO slow.

I still do take the outer planets into consideration in certain cases (which I'll go over later), but overall, I believe that they work differently because of their qualities. Unlike the 7 visible planets which rule over signs, and represent topics, people, etc, I believe that the invisible outer planets act more as influencers. I don't believe that Uranus rules technology itself (technology is very Mercurial), but I do think it has to do with the progression of humanity, and therefore the progression of technology. I don't believe that Neptune rules the subconscious, but I do believe that Neptune tends to hide things or confuse and muddy things up. I believe they have specific qualities that they tend to throw into everything else going on in a chart, but don't rule over the common, everyday things we deal with.

In a lecture I once listened to, Robert Schmidt said something like "If the outer planets are transcendental, why do we reduce them to common topics and objects?" That really confirmed my view on those planets. (I don't remember the exact quote, so don't hold me to that.)

The only time I'll really consider an outer planet to be influential in a chart is if A) it's in an angular house, or B) they're very tightly aspecting other inner planets.

5. Your birth chart is not limited to only being about your personality.

This one is pretty simple. Modern astrology for the most part poses your entire chart as being ALL YOU. As if every piece of your chart is simply a different part of your personality. That's not completely the case. Of course your chart can tell you about your personality, but it also can tell you about your life as a whole, which includes people and things that are not you. You can see different people, places, topics, objects, and more in your chart!

Want to know about your romantic partners? Look at your 5th house, 7th house, their rulers, or Venus. Want to know about your friends? Look at your 3rd house, 11th house, their rulers, or Jupiter. Want to know about your neighbors? Look at your 3rd house and its ruler. Want to know about your debts and inheritances? Look at your 8th house and its ruler. The list goes on.

Just about anything that is in your life in any way can be seen somewhere in your chart. Don't go on studying thinking that your chart can only tell you about how you behave!

6. It's normal to feel like certain placements and aspects in your chart don't fully resonate with you at all times!

This is another one I learned through traditional astrology that modern astrology didn't teach me. Not all of your chart is active at all times throughout your entire life! Your chart tells you the story that is your life, and throughout that story, different planets will become a major character, take charge and become more evident in your life than they may have been before or may be later.

This is something that timing techniques such as profections, zodiacal releasing, solar return charts, and more, can tell you. I won't go into how to do use those techniques in this post, but it's something to keep in mind and research!

7. Indicators specific to your birth chart are just as important, if not more important than general indicators.

When I talk about indicators in this case, I'm talking about planets that represent (indicate) certain things in your chart. An example of something that a planet generally indicates is Venus representing relationships. This can apply to everyone, which is why it's a general indicator. Let's say Venus in your birth chart rules the 3rd house and 10th house. In that case, Venus would also represent (be an indicator for) your environment (3rd house) and your career (10th house). These indications of Venus unique to your birth chart. Another example would be the ruler of your 7th house representing relationships. That ruler isn't always Venus, it's based on your own birth chart and it's unique to you. The reason I think this is something important to pay talk about now is because it's something I don't see talked about with beginners all that often, and I really wish I had learned that sooner.

This goes for all other topics and people! Pay attention to all of it, not only the general indicators just because they apply to everyone and are used more commonly.

8. Retrogrades aren't that big of a deal!

We've all seen the hype surrounding retrograde phases. Of course they do have significance and meaning, but they're not anything to be afraid of. They're completely normal, you've gone through so many in your life already, and you'll go through many more. Retrogrades happen because of the planets' rotations around the Sun from our point of view. Since the planets are constantly rotating around the Sun, retrogrades are just part of their cycle and they occur regularly. It's nothing to psyche yourself out or get nervous about! Even when 8 planets are retrograde all within one year, it's still normal, because this happens about every 2 or 3 years! Mercury is retrograde three separate times every single year, and some planets, like Saturn for example, are retrograde for about 5 months out of every single year.

Even though retrogrades do happen regularly, not all of them are significant for you personally. This goes back to what I said before about timing techniques. If a planet is activated for you and it's retrograde, or if a house is activated and a retrograde planet is transiting through it, it's more likely to be significant for you. If a planet or the house that a retrograde planet is moving through is not activated, it's probably not going to be as impactful on you directly.

Either way, retrogrades aren't all big and bad and scary, so try not to let the hype around them get to you! Don't let those "there are 6 retrogrades this year, karma is gonna kick all our asses!!" posts scare you. Save your energy!

9. Your draconic chart is not your "soul's journey."

I'm not even completely sure where this idea came from, it's just something that circulated on Twitter for a while and we all ate it up without question. First of all, ??? Second of all, it's been confirmed that the concept of how draconic charts are drawn up was just a mistranslation, and so it's not even a very reliable concept. I've read something similar about sidereal astrology too and I kind of question that concept of "ego vs soul's journey" as well, although sidereal IS a valid system to use if you choose. That's a whole other topic that's too big for this post, so I won't get into it. This is a super short point, but I wasted time looking at my draconic chart a couple years ago, so I figured I'd share that to save others the trouble.

10. Contrary to popular belief, traditional astrology isn't irrelevant just because it's old.

There's this common argument that modern astrology dominates over traditional astrology because it has taken all the best parts of the tradition and grown from it. This is not true!

Due to political and religious changes throughout history that resulted in astrologers being exiled, astrology texts being outlawed, burned, and/or lost, a good majority of thousands of years of astrological work was missing for hundreds of years. This means that when newer astrology began to come around, a lot of the knowledge and progress that had been made throughout history wasn't taken into consideration. If they didn't even know about all of this lost knowledge, how could they build upon it to make the practice better?

Modern astrology wasn't exactly created because traditional astrology was deemed unfit and outdated. There was just a lack of awareness of the traditions for the most part because of lost texts and the fading off of astrology. Astrology wasn't always popular or legal, and the internet hasn't always been around, so it wasn't easy to find astrologers to learn from or get consultations from, books to read or anything like what we have today. It was only in the past 30 or so years that astrologers began rediscovering and translating ancient texts, which brought back some very useful and advanced techniques that had been lost for hundreds of years. 30 years is VERY recent, and work is still being done to recover those lost texts and techniques, so these concepts still haven't fully been reincorporated into modern astrology yet.

We live in a time where astrology resources are more accessible than ever, astrologers are everywhere, and astrology itself is pretty popular. Take advantage of all of the knowledge we have available to learn from! Don't dismiss tradition just because it's incorrectly assumed to be irrelevant to what we do in modern times. This is the perfect time to learn from all sorts of traditions and figure out how they can work with the newly developed concepts we have today.

Thank you for reading this long post! I have other things I want to address, but some topics are too big to cram multiple into one post, so we'll talk about those later on.

[shadowbroker]

Blue Blues

The name is not creative but its what you’ll have to live with. OF COURSE I have to the majority of this theory under a cut lest I gain the ire of those you have the unfortunate experience of following me (’: 

Let me say, this is all something my brain made up. It is in no way shape or form me trying to say, “this is canon!”. Honestly, I just miss taking things and turning them into reasonable arguments for fictional subjects because it brings me joy. I would hope that you read this for fun and not to debate me, because I do not debate on the internet if I don’t have to.

I REITERATE, I DO NOT tout this as canon or aim to disprove any current existing theories on the topic. This is legitimately just something I thought about yesterday coupled with an urge to write it out and this is the result.

Anyways.... lets get to it!

I think a good place to start is the color analogous scale. Which if you’re down for definitions; analogous colors are colors are groups of three colors that are next to each other on the color wheel, and a tertiary. In these terms the analogous colors would be something of this nature:

The reason I mentioned this first because I’m running on a Consistent Structured Pigmentation Factor through this theory, something I’m applying my my own wish and will as a factor. In my made up definition I have applied this because I believe in standard pigmentation and albinism in asari, the structured undertones cause by their interactions with eezo stands regardless. Though the colors may vary on the surface, in this pigmentation structure the undertones are a persistent factor.

I frame this as a reason to why in particular lighting, regardless of the coloration of the lighting, some skin can present odd or off colors to what we believe we see in game. Like the Aria is blue or purple argument (the curses of purgatory lights). Or even why Liara’s skin sometimes seems like a very light shade of blue and other times a much darker one. 

Next would be the major factors to consider here and they are:

Genetics

Environment

Diet

In order of which has the most to least impact, but I will be delving into this in a longstanding overall effect manner that would have these all having some form of impact and designating a color. So, let us uh… face dive (in)!

Bigger Picture

The most prominent factor, (genetics and biological makeup) one that I cannot necessarily explain without some knowledge of how biological pigments effect living creatures on the earth, I couldn’t tackle. I used a simplified site to reference for basic info on general terms on pigmentation in human and animals because most of that I explain is more conjecture in a factual sense, and more fun to just infer on a personal sense. So, some relevant factors;

“Melanin is the main pigment found in mammals. It is responsible for the color of hair and fur. There are different types of melanin (eumelanin and pheomelanin), and they produce a huge color range, from black to sandy to red.”

 “Fireflies and bacteria emit light in the form of bioluminescence. Luciferins are a class of light-emitting biological substance found in these organisms.”

“Although animals do manufacture their own melanin, they can’t make many other pigments. Plants, however, can produce a range of pigments, so many animals are colored by what they eat.”

“Plant pigments exist in a wide variety of forms, some with highly complex and large structures. Over 600 naturally occurring carotenoid structures have been identified, as well as over 7,000 flavonoids, including over 500 anthocyanins […] Biological pigments such as chlorophyll are colored organic molecules which owe their color to the presence of unsaturated bonds.”

Chlorophylls (Green), Carotenoids(Orange/Red/Yellow), Flavonoids(Blue/Purple/Red), and Betalains (Red/Purple/Yellow/Orange), are all pigment producing cells within plant life on earth.

And the most prominent thing that I think is worth noting to emphasize the main structural difference here (If we let go of the “hehe alien lady blue ooga booga color wheel fun to pick”) is that “most animals are unable to make green and blue pigments. Most of their green and blue colors are created through structural effects” and “Structural color is the result of selective reflection or iridescence, usually because of multilayer structures. Pigment color differs from structural color in that it is the same for all viewing angles. Some colors are a combination of pigment, structural color, and diet.” And these are shared in a way to also aid in my  Consistent Structured Pigmentation Factor.

With that in consideration (and I think the end of what I will take from this oddly simplified website of condense information) there are things to consider in terms of flora and fauna on Thessia to help my theory here and the factor and effects of long term eezo exposure (and genetic modification by the Protheans). And there will absolutely be a little bit of some “Asari albinism” in the mix, which I don’t believe is necessarily one color but a range of greyscale colors (ill have examples (: ).

Then the base of this pyramid, Thessia Flora and Eezo. Its canon, in game that asari must, in a long term sense, consume eezo infused foods or take supplements because it is essential to what they would consider a healthy diet (explain in andromeda more prominently than in the trilogy- specifically Peebee). That, considered, means that the foundation of this coloration starts with that. Though, I do not believe it is a necessarily HUGE factor in asari skin color, I do not think it should be discounted.

I also, personally, do not really subscribe to the notion that asari are 100% mammals necessarily because of their reproduction methods, lack of hair, and a type electromagnetic propensity exemplified in biotics. If a coconut is not considered a mammal, neither should asari.

First, I don’t believe the color range of asari plant life is limited so the same pigments—however I instead support an idea that most fauna to wildlife that have a blue-purple color range and hue act as a sign or message to animals of the possibility of eezo infusion.

A quick thing:

“Element Zero, also known as "eezo", is a rare material that, when subjected to an electrical current, releases dark energy which can be manipulated into a mass effect field, raising or lowering the mass of all objects within that field. A positive current increases mass, a negative current decrease it.”

Together I surmise that, though the color range of flora is still very wide, the colors presented have different meaning on Thessia than they do on earth, more specifically the blue/purple pigmentation.

An example: there are 2 types of plants on Thessia, both are considered fruit bearing plants. One plant grows berries that have red/purple undertones and the other has pigmentation like that of a lemon. In this theory, without any other knowledge, the red/purple would present more probably to eat purely based off pigmentation and the underlying thought that wildlife and sentient life must consume a level of eezo infused foods to maintain a healthy diet on Thessia.

I had to add: “Though plants don’t have a nervous system like animals, plants do have the necessary electrical, biochemical, and cellular components indicative of a neural network, albeit a relatively simple one.”

Cause if plants retain a electrical network, even if it is a minor one, it would react with the eezo, not enough to implement a change in mass, but enough to effect color. And for reference, Eezo is naturally blue:

So the level of electrical activity in the plant combined with pigmentation cells that interact with these electrical nuances could be why there is not only a range of color, but act as a natural signal to wildlife (like flowers attracting bees with pretty colors) what can supply the necessary supplements needed.

Which lead me over to wildlife, and the asari themselves. Though I expect wild life to have different color blood, but I’m running off the assumption that most animals (not including insects) have blue blood on Thessia the same way that most animals on earth have red blood because I assume the compound in these lifeforms that transport oxygen is common on Thessia.

Which brings me full circle to - “plants, however, can produce a range of pigments, so many animals are colored by what they eat.” And that is mimicked on Thessia. That many animals can consume various plants (and may not necessarily pick up the pigment, i.e. like mammals), I believe blue and various shades and structural colors within the red-purple-blue color range are very prominent.

I think that’s all I can say on that so I’m moving on to melanin in asari. NOW, I’m not saying I believe that “melanin” is the exact “factor” in the genetic make-up in asari that begets this reasoning, but I am using it as if it is, because it probably, on some level, exists to not only produce pigment but to act as natural protection against the sun. PLUS melanin creates the dark browns and reds and such of skin and fur, and with the blue tones… I’ll just call it “Blue Melanin” for now.

This is not the full range but the range but one ill use for my theory:

Though if we ignore lighting (these are not in any particular order” the prominent color shown in game is various shades of blue (and some others but I will get there). But here’s a pure color example:

With undertones from the analogous tones I mentioned at the beginning that begets the uniqueness of each blue because, Tevos blue is not the same as Atheyta blue which is not the same as Tela blue with the aid on not only the prominent skin color but its additional undertones.

Anyways, the combination of environment and melanin dictate long standing colors of skin. The darker pigments in more tropical locations and lighter pigments closer the cooler poles of the planets (much like our skin color range).

I don’t think I really need to say more on that front. Like, if an asari’s heritage if from a group of tropical island dwellers, their skin tone, could have any of the base 3 colors but would be much darker.

“Base 3 colors? But you haven’t even mentioned that!” YOURE RIGHT, and here is what I am saying. In this color range I have shared, I believe that there are 3 main color pigments to asari skin, that is the purple, blue, and then teal. I think all asari skin is on some level in those three colors either accentuated my mating with similar colors or by being altered on the scale by finding mates with different colored skin. And as human skin, I believe that there can be differing levels of melanin in each based of centuries of genetic evolution.

A side note: I think asari before Protheans did not have such prominent color pigmentation in their skin but actually had more muted versions of blue. But when undergoing genetic modification for an affinity for biotics, it had its own effect on their skin pigmentation.

I think I've covered most of what I'm thinking here and I actually am on 5 pages (WORD says so) I want to add on a 

BONUS ROUND: ALBANISM – exemplified by these two:

I would theorize that albanism in asari is more common in ardat-yakshi (though not necessarily prominent) and that it presents itself not in a similar color but in a grey scale range based on the color scale I gave earlier and is less just black and white because of the consistency in undertones that give these unique shades of grey.

With the same wiggle room to be darker or lighter. Where the lack of melanin often is reduced to just white or pale in earth terms, I think blue melanin doesn’t present itself as white but various dark and light shades of grey because a deficit of the color blue. and the white or black tones come from the corresponding lightness (morinth) or darkness (kurin) of their skin tone. 

So unlike standard human albinism which is simply a lack of melanin, but that albinism in asari in reference to blue melanin is the lack or deficiency of the color blue because of a different neural interaction with those cells and nodes in the skin that effect biotics. In tandem, i think this can also either severely increase or decrease biotic potential.

Of note, I'm not saying that an asari that chooses not to grow their biotics are potentially an albino, because their choice does not impact biotic potential. But that albinism directly impacts biotic potential to an extreme extent and the coloration is an visual representation of this neural relationship.

NOW…. Don’t think that I’m saying that if an asari is “grey” or a tone of it, that she is more likely to be perceived as an ardat-yakshi, but more so, that I think the factor itself is rare and the genetic uniqueness and interaction with biotics that ardat-yakshi have, it felt like it would make more sense.

I also don’t believe that the “pureblood” thing necessarily has commonality. I feel like the underlying belief is that if an asari mates with a different species it can be exemplified in the tones of their skin. I don’t believe that. I think it can, but I don’t believe that it is the prominent factor in the genetic makeup.

For Example, I do not think that id an asari that is a darker shade of blue mates with a hanar, that their kid will be purple or have pink undertones. But I do believe their skin pigmentation will get lighter because DNA mapping because no genetic information is taken from the partner, but the body rather attempts to imitate what is read and can only really use the genetic material of the mother. So, if the mind reads a pink pigment, but there isn’t a genetic line of code that can imitate that, it will do what it can to recreate it, thus making the skin lighter for the offspring.

Uhhhh and that’s all I got. In my document I reached…. 7 pages… the outro being the 7th page so it doesnt really count. so if you made it here. You just read a 6 page theory on asari skin pigmentation…. Wow. Jesus. 

If you have thoughts, comments, criticism, I’m chill to read it, its always interesting to see others opinions. Especially if it makes sense (I’m 1 brain cell).

Thanks for the read homies.

[infernumagi]

headcanon, re: what some major arcana cards represent to john.

the lovers : pretty straight forward, it represents his and zatanna’s relationship. it can be tumultuous at times, it can be nothing but love at other times, they do the on-again-off-again thing occasionally, but always, no matter what, one thing is certain: he loves her, he absolutely adores her. there is no denying that they are soulmates. 

love is all about choice, and john knows this, and he’ll continue to choose zee, forever, for as long as forever is allowed to be for him. all cards are up to interpretation, of course, and any website you go, any deck you buy, the descriptions vary, but overall, it represents the two of them pretty perfectly. 

the hanged man : a very obvious and kind of on the nose card to represent john, but hey, if it ain’t broke, why fix it. this card is about sacrifice, surrender, about willingly putting yourself in a tough position. john’s not a selfless man, but throughout his life he’s gone to great lengths to help others, to save the world a few times, he’s put his life on the line more times than he can count. the risk is a constant presence, and despite that he continues to sacrifice himself, be it for personal gain, the greater good, or a little bit of both. 

the hanged man also brings some advice to john, that he may or may not listen to, about stopping to re-evaluate his choices, to think about the next step, instead of just diving head-first into a half-thought plan that may or may not work. maybe if he listened to the signs... oh well. 

the magician : this card is who he wants to be: powerful, in control, and balanced. he’s unstable at best, but parts of him are always yearning for some sort of stability and peace, for enlightenment, in a way. but the magician is also who he’ll only disappoint himself in trying to be. he’s not in tune with the universe in any way, his connection shaky, the man is chaos more than anything. but that’s the life he knows.

however, there are other elements in the card beyond a man, there’s the symbolism of the elements, the infinity symbol and ouroboros symbolizing unlimited potential. now that’s almost true to john throughout his life: he’s incredibly powerful, he knows a lot about magic, he’s constantly learning, and as someone who is not inherently magical, someone who had to fight for the magic that now resides within him, his potential truly is limitless. there’s no shortage of possibilities for who he could become. he won’t ever not be a bastard, though, that’s for sure. 

the devil : there’s soooooo much in this card i could relate to john. the notion of free will vs the illusion of being stuck, the concept of finding balance between good and evil, the in-between spaces of opposing ideas. and, of course, the fact that john constantine has been to hell many times and is more than friendly with the devil and his demons. 

the way i see it, the loose chains around the necks of the couple depicted on the card represents magic, and the two people are john at different points in his life. he’s not trapped, maybe now he’s too far gone, but there was a time where he could’ve given up magic and lead a relatively normal life, he chose, and continues to choose, to live and lead this life of magic, chaos, of living in-between worlds and navigating literal underworlds. he lies in a prison of his own making, one can choose to see it that way. but there’s freedom in it too, of being capable of great feats, of this unlimited pool of resources, to bend the world to his will. 

and speaking of choice, i like to think of this card a lot in relation to free will. the devil as a symbol of independence, of being free of the burden of fate. it’s so important to john that fate not be determined, that while he may walk a certain path, it is not outside of the realm of possibility to diverge from this path, for a story to have multiple different ending. he couldn’t cope if his choices were not his own, he needs them to be choices made by him and not the universe. 

the tower : the tower represents the tumultousness of john’s life, the chaos, the falls from grace. he’s no stranger to building something on the shaky foundation of his bad choices and seeing it all crumble. this card represents a sudden change, an upheaval, something pretty common in the life of a man who tends to mess with some pretty great forces. there’s always something enormous and unexpected waiting around the corner of his life. 

[rigelmejo]

Advice I’ve found helpful:

1. For ‘easier’ immersion materials, pick things you have some familiarity already with. So: shows/books you’ve already read in your native language, or watched/read in the target language with some kind of context (seen subs before in your native language, a summary, you’ve looked up lots of words etc). I definitely find immersing in stuff I have some context for much easier, because at least sometimes I can place what certain unknown words mean/what is going on in the plot, even when I don’t actually ‘know’ all the words. 

Personally: I like using some absolutely new unknown materials for immersion, just because I like to test how much I’ve ‘improved’ with something I’m sure I have nothing to rely on ahead of time except for what I have learned. But when I’m immersing with something I want to find more comfortable/easier to immerse with, its easier for me to use things I’m already familiar with - otherwise I have to pick graded material/learner materials instead of using target language native materials. 

2. Once you find some study materials that work for you, stick to them. Specifically if they progressively teach new stuff - like textbooks, grammar guides, apps with lessons, teaching podcasts, flashcards that add grammar points/new words, etc. Anything that builds up knowledge over time. 

I used to have a bad habit of switching these kinds of materials often, and would keep ‘restarting’ myself in beginner materials, when really I should have been moving on and studying new things. I have found that even if my ‘book/guide/tool’ is imperfect, if I stick to it then I make more progress and improve at a more dependable rate.

3. For immersion material, feel free to pursue things based on interest. You don’t have to finish one material before moving to the next.

I’ve noticed that I tend to get demotivated or disinterested sometimes in materials (which happens in english with my hobbies anyway too), and its definitely better for me to just move to new material that’s interesting me in the moment (so a new show, new story, new audio). I’ve found that as long as its target language native material, its all exposing me to common things I should review, and new things I ought to pick up/learn, so regardless of the material its going to challenge me and solidify what I’ve studied already and teach me new things. Meanwhile... graded readers would fall into point 2 -  but with a special caveat - if the graded reader has a Subject i’m not interested in, I need to just switch to a new novel at a HIGHER difficulty level at a certain point. Basically - regardless of if I stick to a graded reader all the way through, or if I drop it and move to another, once I’m very comfortable with that reading level, I need to move to prioritizing higher difficulty level material. This might apply to immersion content a little - as in, its better for me to work in some dramas/audios/books with more words I don’t know, so I get more comfortable. But with target language content made for natives its less of an issue since pretty much everything made for adults is constantly teaching me new stuff right now. 

4. Its BETTER to do something consistently, than nothing. So better to study any minutes a day then never. Likewise - its better to study using ANY method that’s helping you make progress, than to not study at all because its not ‘the best way.’ 

I’m sure I’m not the only learner who’s had this issue studying languages, but its easy to wonder if you’re doing things right or doing ‘enough.’ And in the end? For me it boils down to ‘anything where I make any progress, and don’t give up IS enough.’ No method’s perfect for everyone, not everyone can stay engaged in the same methods, etc. Yeah some advice says ‘don’t ever speak before X time’ but some people only stay motivated if they speak from day one, so they might as well speak! I’ve seen plenty of advice for chinese to ‘focus on listening/speaking first’ instead of focusing on reading so early on. But I get motivated/interested by reading, so here I am doing more reading from day 1!  It’s worked well enough for me! It got me this far!

5. At some point, focus on all for skill areas because eventually you need all of them: listening/reading, speaking/writing.

This seems basic as can be but I’m guessing its still easy enough to overlook. There’s a reason good textbooks/teachers try to make sure they cover all these skills for the level you’re supposed to be comprehending/communicating at by the time you finish their class. I self-study mostly, and its easy to forget about one or multiple of these areas, especially if they don’t align as well with your goals/interest areas/preferred study methods. It’s just important to cover them all eventually, if you want roughly balanced skills in the language. I personally think its okay to have imbalanced skills - depending on your goals, and your preferences. For example: if you want to read but do not want to prioritize speaking due to low need to speak to anyone, it seems fine to spend more time on reading and work on speaking more later when its a goal or need to. Or, maybe you specifically need to speak regularly to people in your workplace/living situation/life, then it would make sense to prioritize daily needs conversation study and skills way before you bother dedicating a lot of time to reading etc.

Thankfully, there’s usually a variety of study methods to improve each skill. Though unfortunately, usually to improve in production you must eventually practice Producing language, and to improve in comprehension you must eventually practice comprehending materials. By this, I mean that even with textbook grammar drill sentence exercises and repeat-after podcasts, you must eventually practice speaking to people and writing messages/paragraphs. Even if you study sentence flashcards or read graded readers, you must eventually try to listen to real conversations/audio/shows and try to read materials you’re planning to one day engage with (newspapers/websites/novels/games/whatever your goals are). 

6. Prioritize learning the most common 500/1000/2000 words as needed. 

(Unless your goals and needs are very specialized on other vocabulary needs - who knows, maybe you only need X language for mechanical engineering words?) I ran into this tip when studying French, and then variations on this tip from a lot of polyglot blogs. I’ve also noticed a lot of the youtubers who try to learn a language in ‘x days/x months’ tend to cram in a lot of vocab early on - I saw two successful learners who studied 2000 words in the first 1-2 weeks. Then they moved onto reading grammar points, reading actual books, immersing in television, trying to speak their conversational requirements etc. What boosted their speed-run intro to the language is usually a bunch of common words - which will be their foundation for comprehending some gist when immersing, and their source of words when forming sentences as they work on speaking skills. Now, of course, these people generally get into maybe A1-A2 level-ish knowledge in a month etc. But they still make a lot of rapid progress in that first ‘uncomfortable’ hump, at least from what I can tell. There’s many a article out there about how for most languages 2000 words covers 80-90+% of words in everyday conversation, and in many media like shows (and sometimes books). 

Basically, usually at 2000 words you know enough words to start communicating anything you need to with at least basic words/ideas, and have enough words to start learning some new words from context in immersion (and will in general find immersion much less overwhelmingly difficult). I’ve personally found that it’s just a starting place - but its often a really Great starting place, at least for me. Usually its more than enough to make immersing in shows doable, and to make reading with a dictionary bearable. Its also usually enough, with a few months grammar practice/exposure too, to start expressing a lot of my basic thoughts/needs at least. I did this to some extent with French (maybe 1000 common words), then jumped into immersing and grammar books mostly. I do think if dropped into an all french country, I could read signs and forms/speak my basic needs if I were lost/needed help with X/thought something/wanted to speak with someone. I would probably sound like a wreck (since I didn’t work on pronunciation much and one day need to) but I think I could navigate having to go to a hospital/get a plane ticket/buy something/make a friend/ask how to get somewhere/read any book for gist main ideas/read the news. I could get by. And the foundation for that started with just around 1000 words to start me toward that. Ever since I’ve tried to learn common words with any language I study, and each time I’ve noticed it substantially make target language materials more % comprehensible, and make it easier for me to start having a foundation to express a lot of basic ideas (think maybe 5-8 year old that can start talking about a lot, but may need to ask for a lot of ‘what’s X word mean/what’s X thing about?’). 

Its not a lot obviously, since there’s still much that’s incomprehensible, and there’s still lots that’s hard to discuss/follow the details of. But its enough to build from more easily. And I think its a great way to direct self-study before you start specializing - it prioritizes a ton of useful words before you start moving onto words with less ‘payoff’ because they show up less frequently and not in as big a variety of situations/topics. Even if using a textbook, I find using a frequency list too helps - since some textbooks teach pitifully little like 200 words, and some teach very focused on topic-specific words like ‘my classroom’ and ‘my job’ and ‘shopping’ when you may need words that show up in ‘news’ ‘social media’ ‘shows’ too based on whatever your goals are - a frequency list helps make sure words that show up in more places get learned, even if they don’t always fit in specific topics.

7. Read through a grammar guide. (Adapt this depending on where you get the advice: read a grammar summary, or just look up grammar points once for reference when you run into one that confuses you, or just skim through a guide before you learn, or just read a grammar guide later on if you need a stronger foundation etc).

I don’t think everyone needs this. Lots of people really LOATHE grammar, or think its ‘wrong’ to study it at the wrong point in time, whenever they think that is (beginning, or later on, etc). I personally find my life gets way easier when I read at least a grammar guide/summary on AT LEAST the basic past/present/future tense way of expressing things, on adjectives, nouns, verbs, conjunctions/notable grammar particles and features, as soon as possible. Covering this stuff makes my attempts at producing language SO MUCH EASIER since I’ve got at least a rough framework of how to express things basically. And immersing likewise becomes just SO MUCH EASIER with at least a rough idea of what I’m looking at that I can break down into meaningful parts. Even if I don’t know 1 word to even 80% of words in a sentence: if I can tell which words are nouns/verbs/particles/conjunctions/what tense the sentence verbs are in/if there’s any gendered nouns/if there’s any plurals - then I can figure out a LOT about the meaning of the sentence. 

Take “Na no le mayy, ter le henent.” Here’s a sentence I just made up. Let’s say you know that ‘na’ means “there is” in this language. You know “no” is a particle meaning belonging like the japanese ‘no’ or chinese ‘de’ or english ‘s. “le” means masculine ‘the’ and is put before nouns that are masculine if a person, or objects/etc if another kind of noun. ‘ter’ you know means ‘is/are’ as a super basic verb, conjugated for a masculine person not object - now you know maybe this ‘le mayy’ is a person not an object - so the sentence so far means “this is my ‘person’.” You know le also goes before adjectives in this language to match the noun to which it refers, and ‘ent’ is a super common adjective ending in this language. So now you can guess the sentence means “This is my ‘person,’ (they) are ‘adjective describing them’.” Its possible the le henent is a noun spelled with this ending, so it could also mean “this is my ‘person,’ they are ‘noun probably describing them’.” This has narrowed down what the unknown 2 words in the sentence could mean by A LOT. Now if you understand some other context from the Surrounding sentences, you might be able to guess if the ‘person’ is a student/husband/friend/enemy, and maybe if the descriptor is something positive/negative more specific etc. Without any grammar study or overview ahead of time, the grammar pieces like ‘le’ and ‘ent’ and ‘no’ may have confused you or helped you less.

“Na shi wo de pengyou, ta hen hao,” might be how you say this in chinese, or, “Ill y a mon amie, ton est tres intelligent.” But this kind of grammar-helping-comprehension stuff translates to bigger more complex sentences, and sentences where you have less words you know and can rely on. This helped me a TON in french when i just dived into reading when I only knew a couple hundred words at first, and its constantly helped in Chinese - especially since i have no spaces to help me separate words, so recognizing how the grammar breaks down the sentences helps a lot. 

8. Don’t be scared to immerse in interesting things over high comprehensibility things, if you want.

While I do think, absolutely, that things with high comprehensibility will be easier for you to relax and enjoy, and MUCH easier for you to pick up new stuff from context - i think its possible to learn from harder materials if you want. I do it all the time. Like that higher up tip about any study better than none - if engaging with more difficult stuff keeps me interested, then it helps me more than a boring material i would give up studying and therefore stop learning from. Also, personally I really both enjoy occasionally challenging myself to really push what I can do and prove to myself what I’m capable of versus where my ‘safe zone’ is, and I think I personally learn better when I regularly get difficult bursts that challenge me. I do think for some other people, this may have the opposite effect and possibly cause them to burn out/want to give up studying. But for me, while it makes me sad I’m never as ‘competent’ with real material as I wanted to be, I’m always better at it then I was before or at least confident in knowing I’m practicing/studying something I actually want to do one day. (In comparison to me doing like podcast lessons or self-teach beginner books, where I often feel demotivated because it starts with a lot of basic convo drills, often a bit unnatural, whereas I don’t plan to have those convos much, and for my goals want to do other kinds of stuff that those podcasts may not prepare me for after months if at all...). I’d much rather get a quick foundation then be thrown into the deep end, then a slow foundation with baby steps where I have little new material regularly pushing me. 

Who knows how much this is a legacy of me being in all those honor classes/AP, and then being an engineering student in a bunch of accelerated/condensed courses taking way too many credits, studying too many hard classes at once ;-; - honestly studying anything I actually enjoy and am passionate is eons better than that past schooling. But I do think I developed a lot of my study habits back then around ‘do quick effective stuff to get basically competent then MOVE ON CAUSE THERE’S NEW HARD MATERIAL YOU GOTTA AT LEAST GET THE GIST OF IN LESS THAN A WEEK’.... aahhh. So um... I’m really skewed toward do bare minimum needed, and push difficulty asap constantly. NOT everyone is going to be able to do this, or even Want to do this. So, I’d say in general if other people apply this tip about immersing regardless of difficulty if you want to: you do not have to get the same benefits as me. I think even if the only benefit is that you’re enjoying the parts you do understand, or having fun even if its something you only do once in a while because you’re curious on how much you’d understand, that’s absolutely fine. A lot of people who do this focus on ‘comprehending the gist’ - which I guess would be me. And a lot of people who do focus on harder stuff sometimes, instead prioritize ‘focus on just getting used to it’ aka don’t worry if you can’t follow what’s going on, its okay to only catch a line or word once in a while, the familiarity you develop over time is also a benefit itself.

I do personally think, at the bare minimum, doing this does get you more okay with being dropped into situations that are harder for you and being okay with that. I imagine in language learning, eventually you run into a convo where you get lost, reading where you barely understand anything, or a show where you catch zero words! It’s nice to have the practice of not understanding but being comfortable, so that when you’re stuck in those situations you are less bothered and have possibly some other methods you’ve developed to help you cope/get by/tolerate it until you get through it or can grasp something comprehensible again or can find a way to redirect the convo/look up key words etc. In some languages there is just a huge amount of time you’ll deal with materials less than 98% comprehensible (which is comfortable level for most people), or less than 90% comprehensible (which is difficult but bearable in short bursts for most people). Also, the earlier you immerse/engage in conversation, the longer you’ll hit this ‘difficulty’ curve and either need to get used to it or else it’ll feel uncomfortable.

9. Write your GOALS down. Also, preferably, plan some SMART goals - or some study plan that roughly includes WHAT you plan to do, how you could measure it or it’s progress and test if its working or not-actually-helping-the-goal, how it contributes to your goal, and what smaller-step of your goal you want it to get you to in X time. 

Writing goals, and plans for smaller achievable steps, helps in any goal achieving process. Helps a ton with language learning too, especially when self studying if you’re not sticking to a textbook or course with very clear definited steps/goals you can just copy and aim for. There’s been studies that literally just writing your goals down makes it more likely you’ll achieve them. Its also just much easier to stick to a self study plan if you know what you’re doing, where you’re heading, why, how to check that what you’re doing is actually making progress, and have something to hold yourself accountable to study (since there may be no one else expecting you to hit your smaller-goals or bigger ones). Also personal goals will motivate you - what do you want out of this study? Personally? 

10. Make it enjoyable to you, again any study that you can keep doing and make progress is better than none. And any goal you personally will USE and Enjoy/will help you, is much better then some external goal (like oh X people will be impressed).

The enemy of progress is you giving up. Even if you Do give up - skip the being mad at yourself or feeling guilty, it is what it is and if you gave up there was a reason. Likewise, if you start studying or pick up from an absence, make sure you know what is driving you to study. Think about things you want to DO in the language - how do you want to engage with people, culture, language, that sphere of the world. 

If you are studying it for some external goal - say you want to learn it to ‘be more appealing as a job applicant’ make sure there’s something you’d DO with it (do you plan to speak to those language speakers at a job? translate? read articles in the language to improve your knowledge in the field? work in that country? do you also want to chat with friends/make friends? do you work with that country a lot and want more bg on the culture and want language to use social media/watch shows/chat online/read their news more etc?), or do you have no plans to actually use it concretely - if the second is the case, maybe a different ‘job skill’ would also help your resume and would personally be more valuable to you (maybe coding would help your job prospects, and you also think you’d use it to make an art portfolio website, for yourself or some fun little games or text-choose-your-adventure stories, maybe you would like a job specifically that codes as a part of the regular tasks, or you want to do website/portfolio coding commissions on the side even if you don’t end up getting a job that codes). 

If you’ve got some hobby reason - same things apply. Will you actually use the language if you could? How? These questions will help you form concrete goals, and possibly even help you pick the study methods you’ll want to use more. If convo and chatting is a big goal, conversation skills and practice will be way more important earlier on and also motivate you since you’ll be making friends sooner etc. If say chinese or japanese novels are a big interest of yours, and you even read painful machine translate messes of novels just to get updates or read ones never-translated that you’re into, it might really pay off for you to prioritize reading and maybe even be practicing translating yourself (for yourself) earlier on - since you may end up at the least, learning to translate fics you want to read a bit better than the machine translations you rely on (or at least so you’ll be able to double check the original writing when mtls are painfully incorrect). 

All these goals will have pretty clear smaller-milestones you’ll already know you want to aim for, and those smaller goals will make what study methods you’ll need to use for them a bit clearer. If your goal one day is to chat with people about all kinds of things, a good small step is to learn small talk, introductions, then start branching out one by one (or by depth of convo) into things you want to talk about. If it’s to connect with people, language partners might be a fantastic thing, and you might study a lot by helping someone else with your language, then they help you with theirs, the whole time you get to chat and share ideas and develop friendships. If its to read novels, small steps are learning maybe to skim novels for key information - so if a mtl novel is painfully wrong, you can pinpoint what line you want to word-by-word translate yourself for yourself. Maybe you prioritize learning a lot of words, and characters, and basic grammar, quickly, so that skimming gets easier - and so that picking up details gets easier piece by piece. Maybe you start with more basic topic novels (or comics), get to read novels you’d want to read anyway in that language, then move onto harder stuff as you progress. If you watch tons of dramas, and already know you sometimes watch no-subbed and just desperately try to follow it anyway because you want to watch it NOW or you wanted to watch THAT SHOW but it has no existing subs in your native language... now you know a major long term goal of yours, that you’ll use. You can plan smaller goals that build up to it, and also allow you to accomplish things you enjoy. Maybe first you work on following short fanmade videos with scenes, or following trailers, or watching youtubers/etc that you like watching and would probably try to watch without subs anyway. You compare the subbed versions to no subs or target language subs, you look up common unknown words that come up, common phrases etc. You work up to episodes of shows you’ve already seen and had subtitles for, and try to follow it this time without subs. Etc. 

Yes, with all of these goals you’ll eventually need to do the less fun less your-goal oriented more basic tasks, like grammar and vocab acquisition and pronunciation learning/listening etc (whatever you personally like more or less).  But you’ll have reasons WHY you’re doing it that motivate you. You’ll have a REASON you’re willing to slog through vocab flashcards or a grammar guide or a pronunciation/convo learner podcast. Because it will directly help you do something you WILL like. And you’ll know at least a PIECE of your study, WILL be some tasks you do know you’d do/enjoy anyway - like trying to chat, or reading, or watching tv, or listening to music, or browsing the internet, etc.