#and i'm sorry this has probably been done before but I love this poem too and especially for this scene ;-;

[daisyssousa]

happy 35th birthday, daisy johnson ♡ 2023 july 2nd, 1988 (poem by n.t.)

[aniron48]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag, @anyawen! These were so much fun!

Answers under the cut, and tagging @sweetbabyangels, @mr-iskender, @stinastar, @aprettyspy and @thestalwartheart, in case you haven't done this already and it's of interest!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 30! That number seems astonishing to me now, considering I started writing fic in earnest like a year-and-a-half ago. 😁

2. What’s your total A03 word count? 138,358

3. What fandoms do you write for? James Bond, Glass Onion/Knives Out, and I just wrote my first fic for The Old Guard fandom, which has pulled me in by the lapels and refused to let me go. And the very first fic I ever wrote was for Stardew Valley.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. A Good Man (Benoit Blanc/Phillip) 2. rain (00q) 3. open line (00q) 4. The More Loving One (00q) 5. Must Love Cats (00q)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Ok yes I definitely do and I love to *and also* I'm so sorry, I'm 288 days (yes I just checked) behind in responding to comments, because this year has been...something else. So, taking the opportunity to say that a) all of your comments are incredible bright spots for me, and b) I am working my way steadily through and enjoying your comments all over again as I re-read and respond to them.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? WELP (eyes my pile o' fics warily). If we go based off the fics with "Major Character Death" as a warning, for a certain value of angst, it's a tie between offering and and the wind at their backs. But both of these fics deal with grief, and the complicated emotions that result from the persistence of love even after the object of that love is gone, and there's some hope in that, too, I think.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? lmao most of the rest of them other than the two in number 6? 😂 this is a hard one to answer, so I'll list my RomCom-iest fics for now (Must Love Cats for 00q and in a space that they belong for The Old Guard). Special shout-out to 'tis the damn season, though, because the happiness at the end of this fic feels like some of the hardest fought, to me, and some of the tenderest I've written, I think.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No--I've gotten a few less than diplomatic comments, and a couple people making unflattering notes in bookmarks that I don't think they meant for me to see, but nothing terrible.

9. Do you write smut? ::offers you rain and for the age of the earth, and after as if I am a sommelier presenting you with some very fine wine:: "this one has notes of--" you know what I'm just going to stop there.

10. Do you write crossovers? I haven't yet!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, thank goodness (knocks on wood).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! #goals

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Use. Your. Words., which was a collaborative poem for 007 fest 2023. 😁

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? I spent about five minutes hemming and hawing about this but you know what, it's impossible to pick. 😂

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Like Anyawen, I have aspirations of finishing all the ones hanging out in my Scrivener app...someday. Probably the one I have the most doubts about is a 5 + 1 fic where Bond tries out different activities post retirement. I still love the idea and some of the vision I had for this one, but it lives almost entirely in my head, still.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think maybe I have a good ear for language, both in terms of the rhythm of sentences and paragraphs, and for conveying a character's voice or accent. But it's hard to assess your own strengths, sometimes, so that's just my best guess!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I'm actively working on trying to be better at descriptions, especially in giving details about setting or background. I realized I give these things short shrift, sometimes, and want to change that!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I'll do it with languages I'm fluent in (and have done it with Spanish, since I'm a native speaker).

19. First fandom you wrote for? Stardew Valley, in What Dreams May Come.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Omg, another one that is almost impossible to answer! I think I have to go with all the flags we've hung. This is one of my least popular fics--it's a rarepair, the love depicted in it is complicated (though no less real), and it deals with light topics like, you know, structural racism in the United States. As one does. But it's a fic that's incredible close to my heart, for many reasons, and I remain so proud of this one.

Phew! If you have read all of this you deserve a cupcake. 💜

xoxo, Ani

[translatemunson]

track four — the ex tapes

warnings: not proofread. this is not a fluff series, so be ready for some angst and angry characters.

author's note: thanks for all the love these past few chapters! sorry for taking a little bit longer to post this chapter, i wanted to finish chapter five before posting this one (but i'm taking too long to write it, sorry)

series masterlist

Eddie is right on time. He drives his black car to the spot next to yours — and you wonder if he still has the van. You motion for him to get out and smile.

“We’re taking mine,” you point to your car, “but you’re driving.”

“Good morning to you as well, honey,” at least he’s in a good mood. “Should I get my stuff with us?”

“Yeah, we’re probably driving straight to the studio after this.”

He gets his belongings — electric guitar, notepad, cigarettes and keys — and gets to your car. He looks at you and smiles when he sees two cups of coffee in your hand.

“Steve said you like black coffee, with no sugar,” you extend one to him. “Now it makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, but you have to believe me it was one big huge coincidence that the best coffee in town is from Steve’s cafe.”

“Can you stop saying you’re sorry? It’s kinda annoying.”

Eddie opens his mouth to say “sorry” again, but you shush him. “Don’t make me regret this, Munson.”

“Oh so we’re using last names. Ok, Rogers, where do you wanna go?”

“Let’s drive for a while, towards Malibu. We can stop for lunch, I don’t know, let’s see what's gonna happen.”

“Sure you don’t wanna drive?”

“No, I need to write down some stuff while we are talking, so you drive.”

“‘K, love. Ready to go?”

You hop in your side of the car and Eddie follows. He turns the engine up, says it’s a great car and starts driving. You sip your coffee slowly, watching Eddie’s details. His hands on the wheel like he’s in control of everything, his eyes lost in the road. He’s just like the Eddie you fell in love with. The biggest difference is that you’ve broken each other’s heart, and there’s no way to fix it now.

“So, you’re just gonna watch me?” he asks, getting you back to reality.

“Hm, no, sorry,” you turn the radio on and one of your songs is playing. This one has been out for a few weeks, you’ve written it alone in a studio with a producer and the artist, pouring his feelings into the paper like he’s gonna break apart. It’s a good one. “You’re not the only one good at turning bad relationships into songs.”

“I know, I might have learned a thing or two from you. Your poems were really good, you know,” he faces you and smiles. “So, what are we doing here?”

“We’re driving to focus and clear our minds.”

“So we are discussing our past.”

“Not exactly. I wanna know more about how you’ve been doing, how are you feeling and what do you expect from our song.”

“I understand. Are you recording it?” He signs to the notebook and voice recorder in your lap. “I don’t mind, I just need a heads up.”

“No, not recording. It’s just in case I have a melody in mind. And I’m just writing down enough to guide us through the session. I can give you the papers after it.”

“No, it’s fine. How do you do it? I mean, how did you choose your process?”

“Trial and error, I think. It helps me connect with myself and other people. How do you do it?” You shake your shoulders.

“We ask ourselves what we wanna write about and that’s pretty much it. Someone gives the beat and melody, I’ll play something on the guitar and that’s it. A producer helps us put it all together.”

“Glad it works for you to keep things home,” you bite your lower lip. “What do you wanna write about?”

“I don’t know. Love, hate, losses, dreams, I’ve done all of those things,” Eddie moves his hand around. “I’m out of ideas at this point, they want me to write a ballad but that’s not my thing.”

“You can always create a story,” you suggest, but you can’t remember a song from Corroded Coffin that isn’t based on something real. You know them and their stories.

“Didn’t work. Doesn’t feel true, you know,” he holds the wheel stronger. “Do you create stories?”

“Sometimes. Like sometimes it’s not my story, so I create the character for it and I write through their vision. But most of the time I talk from experience.”

“That one song about revenge?”

“Broke his guitar after I found out he cheated on me.”

“Hm, I think you wrote one about marriage?”

“Oh, that one was based on the singer’s recent divorce. I wanted a new perspective so we wrote about the end of the wedding party as a farewell.”

“That one is really good, very clever,” he turns down the radio. “Why didn't you record it yourself?”

“I don’t like the stage at all. Didn’t my time stepping in for Jeff enough to make this clear?”

“How many times did you throw up after the gig?”

“Three. Definitely not my best moment,” you play with your pen. “I’ve written a few songs about us. Only gave them to artists I trust tho.”

“Which one is your favorite?”

“From my songs?”

“From Corroded Coffin. Choose one.”

“Maybe that one with the sickening drum solo where you sing about changing who you are from the beginning. That’s actually metal.” You’ve heard their songs the day before, getting familiar with their sound.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Munson. But you still didn’t answer me: what do you wanna write about?”

“Dunno. Ever since I found out you’re the almighty Charlie Rogers, I’ve been thinking about our relationship. It was like a part of me was gone and I could never get it back.”

“If you’re talking about your Metallica t-shirt, I’m not giving it back to you,” you try to make the conversation lighter. “I’m serious.”

“It’s not that,” he laughs. “Is it too cliche if I say I left my heart with you?”

“No,” you pause, taking a deep breath before confessing, “because I feel the same.”

“Yeah, that’s what I cannot write about as much as I try. I’ve tried and failed.”

“We can find something else to write about,” you touch his arm. “Songwriters need to be honest, but you don’t need to rip your heart apart just for one song.”

Eddie takes your hand and brings it to his lips. His eyes are on the road, but you see a small teardrop on the corner, ready to touch his skin. Your hand caresses his face gently. That’s what you were afraid of: he would always be the missing word in your lyrics, no matter how hard you tried to avoid it.

The silence sinks in. You don’t move your hand, Eddie doesn’t talk about anything else. You wish you could read his mind to understand what changed during the years. You kept your distance from Corroded Coffin, you knew about their success and that was it. If you had listened to one of their songs it was because someone was playing it. You have your favourites, but you never allowed yourself to have their vinyls at home fearing you might find your way back to the memories.

“Can we make a quick stop? I wanna smoke one,” he asks, unsure if it’s the right time to do it.

“Sure.”

“Promise I won’t take too long.”

Eddie makes a quick turn and stops at the side of the road, the car facing the beach. He leaves his seat and you’re left alone with the confessions. He walks towards the beach in front of you, the cigarette already burning in his lips. 

No, you can’t do it again.

You step out of the car, holding your arms around yourself, and walk away from it. If the tears break, you don’t want him to see it. As much as you hate to admit it, you still love him. You knew it from the moment he promised he’s walking away from your life when this ends. And you just got him back.

“Y/N?” he calls you in the distance.

“Give me a moment,” you wave, still not facing his direction. “2 minutes!”

“Ok.”

You do everything that you can to be back in two minutes. But as soon as the tears break, you don’t think you’re gonna be able to survive this day. Doesn’t matter how many times you remind yourself this is gonna be good for your career, that Eddie is walking away as soon as you finish it, that you’ll never have to worry about money after this song—it’s Corroded Coffin, you’re probably getting royalties for the song for the rest of your life even if it doesn’t make the top of the charts.

“Y/N?” This time, Eddie is closer. “Hey, you ok?”

You try to walk away, but Eddie gently grabs your arm and turns you. You’re face to face, and you watch when his face changes. Eddie holds your face like you’re the most delicate thing in the world, and he doesn’t say a word until you’re sobbing.

“Sweetheart, hey, do you feel sick? Are you ok? Do you wanna go back?”

You nod, lacking the words you want to explain how you’re feeling.

“What’s wrong?” he lowers his face. “Please, don’t leave me in the silence.”

“If- if you didn’t get the deal, do you think we would get back together?” You hold his hands, your mind taking you back to the other night, to the fight, to the night you’ve met all together. “Eddie, please.”

“I loved you, Y/N, I really did. And the moment you walked away, you took a piece of me with you. Like there was no air in my lungs, my heart stopped beating, my future was gone. But I don’t know, the band was also everything that I had, and maybe we could’ve worked out. Why does it matter now?”

“I keep getting back to that night,” you try to take a step back, but this only makes Eddie hold you tighter. “That changed our lives, Eds, and even though we are doing much better now, I’ve felt the worst for years. I’d close my eyes and see us together, the memories coming back and punching me in the face with the news about you. I still feel so guilty and lonely.”

“Maybe that’s how things were supposed to be, you know,” his words make you feel a little better, but not at all. “We can’t change the past, and I know you regret the things we said to each other that night. It’s fine, sweetheart, I swear.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Eds. I shouldn't have said those things to you, you didn’t deserve it,” you’re sobbing, fighting back the urge to give up everything and run away from him. No, not this time. You’re staying and facing all of your fears.

“Can I hug you, Y/N?”

You throw yourself into his arms. The three words are on the tip of your tongue and you wanna spill them out, but you’re too afraid of scaring Eddie. He said he loved you. Past. He doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe he still cares about you, but this isn’t love.

Burying your face deeper in his chest, you try to calm yourself. Eddie’s hands move up and down your back, playing with the fabric of your t-shirt and your hair. He doesn’t say a word until you step back.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. Thanks, Eds” You intertwine your fingers and a smile takes over your face. “I think I have an idea for your song.”

“Oh, really?” You start walking back to the car. “Tell me more. I’ll drive, you write and by dinner we’ll be done.”

“Actually, we need to go to the studio right now. I’ll show you what I’m planning on our way there.”

“Ending our fun so soon?”

“Do you want the song or nah?”

“I do!”

“So drive us back to the studio. I’m confident this one is gonna be a huge hit.”

Eddie opens the door for you and says “I fully trust you on that.”

You instantly smile and feel your chest getting warmer.

“So what are you waiting for, Munson? Let’s hit the studio” you call him.

“You’re so lucky I booked it for the whole day.”

You laugh and start recording your voice “So, this is how it goes…”

+++

Eddie lays the electric guitar over the coffee table and smiles, still impressed by your skills.

“How did you never tell me you played the drums?” You just finished your part on the demo, filling the drums to help Eddie when he explains to the label what he got. “Seriously, how did I miss this?”

“Once a rebel, always a rebel,” you shake your shoulders. Your parents let you learn anything you wanted after you mastered the piano. “I think that’s done. Like, you can record better vocals and some backing with the boys, but the lyrics are pretty much done.”

“Thank you, really,” he stands up and gets closer to you. “Couldn't have done it without you, Y/N. I’m serious.”

“You’re welcome, Eddie. Don’t forget to add Charlie Rogers in the credits.”

“I won’t.”

You pack your things — the notebook where you wrote the idea for the verse, your voice recorder where you did the melody while you were still in the car — and get ready to leave. It’s been hours since you’ve arrived and exhaustion is getting the best of you. 

“Do you fancy a ride back to my place?” You offer, since he left his car there.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll finish some things here and come get my car tomorrow.”

“You sure? I don’t mind.”

“I will be here for another hour or two, and I don’t wanna make you wait. I’ll swing by tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok.” You look around one more time, making sure you got your things. “It was nice to work with you, Eddie. Always knew you were talented.”

“You’re the mastermind behind the idea, so I should be the one saying that,” he faces you. “We could be a good writing duo, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” He’s walking away from your life, don’t do it, don’t schedule a second session, you’re gonna regret it, your inner voice was screaming. “Maybe next time you’re recording a new EP.”

“We’ll see if you’re gonna be down for it,” he smiles, teasing the day you left him alone in the studio. Gosh, that feels like a decade ago. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“You’re welcome.” You hold the handle and open the door. “Goodbye, Eddie.” Even though none of you talked about it during the whole day, you know it’s over.

Before you can close the door behind you, Eddie calls your name and you step back.

“I’ll keep my part of the deal, I promise. But before you go, I need one more thing,” he says, already on his feet and walking in your direction.

Your bodies crash into each other. His lips are soft and hungry against yours. You open your mouth and savor the moment for as long as it's gonna last. Because you know the only thing that will survive this day is the song you made.

taglist: @lokiofasgard616 @munsonology @sidthedollface2

(i don't know if the taglist worked the last time, still learning the ropes)

[verishere]

Okay I'm really really sorry if this is all answered by your posts (I really want to read them but my head is Not Well Today so I promise I'll read them and comment later) but 3, 4 and 10 for Vlorindul and Nrolin Nylyradon

None of these are answered by my posts, and I get not being in the write place to read them (after all I did I am no longer in the right place to write them, or in the right place to finish the poem I was writing them for). The posts mostly only talk about the characters during the time of Blonicku, not before or after that and mostly about their role in that kingdom.

Slight backstory, all the Elders were created at almost the same time by the Nuthri (I've switched suffixes to be prefixes now for almost everything, so thats the thrinnu now. I did this for poetry reasons.) and they were created right next to each other, otherwise alone. Also, I made up almost every response here because of your ask, I didn't have it already made.

Also, it's Nulyradon, but given I wrote Nylyradon in the post you probably saw as a typo I get it lol. Nulyradon is just Lyradonnu, I moved the nu. (These two are Liam Nulyradon's grandparents, for reference).

3: What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

Both of their first impressions were a mixture of curiosity and fear, but to be fair that was their impression of everything. They would eventually begin speaking to each other telepathically (spoken language hasn't been invented yet) and decide to explore together, but their first impressions of each other from that would be Nyrolin thinking that Vlorindul is too cowardly and quiet (or the mental equivalent) yet she kind of finds it charming for some reason. Remember though that they were littererly born twenty minutes ago by this point, so neither would have the emotional intelligence to understand the charming part lol.

Vlorindul would think she is far braver than he is, willing to explore more and faster, but in reality he is just more cautious- he is willing, he just wants to prepare. He won't understand that about himself yet however, instead deciding to try and force himself to follow her example.

Both of them find the other hot, but they DEFINITELY would not yet understand that instinct just yet. (Remember, Elders were born naked just as babies are)

4: How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

This one is going to take a fucking WHILE so I am going to leave the "in personality" for a later reblog, I have little brain left (I wrote 11 and a half lines of poetry in the last six hours along with all those posts, I am fucking drained)

Physically, Nrolin would describe Vlorindul as tall, broad shouldered by Numen standards (still slim by numorn standards), with shorter fur along his extremeties and very thick fluffier fur along his abdomen and head. The fur is very light grey, except for a few lines along his waist and chest where it turns white and a few along his hips of much darker fur. She would do this in a very textbook impartial manner as I have done, as her real answer would be very complimentary, and she blushes very easy. If asked by someone she'd be willing to answer (not a lot of people) she would talk about how those lines of darker fur highlight his features and how comfortable the softer part of his fur is, how the shorter fur along his limbs highlight muscles, and idk what else idk how to describe someone in a way that's meant to be attractive. (I need to write more prose, I'd like to be better at that, but in poetry all i have to say is "beautiful" and be done since I don't write love poems so I'm not good at it lol)

Vlorindul: "She's broad shouldered (he refuses to accept evidence from hundreds of other Numorn he has met that she is actually only slightly above average, by Numen standards she has very broad shoulders) her bright red hair reaches down just below the shoulder blade accentuates her back and shoulders, and her eyes almost glow when she smiles. She's about an inch taller than me, and her laughter is like a choir of children."

Vlorindul is far more willing to talk about things, for all the talk about her being braver than him lol. Also! Practice! Wrote good compliments! Yes!

10: What is one major difference between them?

Neither of them are shy at all, it's just that Vlorindul is quieter than she is. He still talks to people, he is glad to meet people, but he is very quiet when he does, while she is extremely talkative at pretty much all times. If they both meet someone new, that person is likely to get a solid 10 sentences out of him in a 5 minute window while getting at least 40 out of her. It makes for a stark contrast, him being interpreted as an extreme introvert while she is as an extreme extrovert.

[mondfahrt]

fanfic asks: 3, 5, 6, 7, 15, 18 + 29 (sorry i know that’s a lot)

Hiiiiii no worries, I love talking about writing almost as much as I love writing! <3

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Are you going to make me choose between my children?? ... Okay, seriously, I love all of my stories. I'm probably proudest of "Heartleaves", though, and I still regularly re-read "Everything That Touches Us". Even when I'm collaborating, I'm still writing for myself, you know? These are the stories and relationships I wanna read about, so I do!

Also, even if it's not done yet, I'm still very proud of "Neon, Neon". It took a lot out of me to start writing German fanfic again, to publish it, and then to also make it Explicit. I realised that I really like writing porn in German, I guess? Aaahhh, that sounds TERRIBLE!! xD

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

"Never" is a long time.... But I've had this idea of a OFMD/Steddyhands AU that's basically an OT3 take on "Sweet Home Alabama", you know, the romcom with Reese Witherspoon? I even have a playlist for it, but.... there's so many other things I want to write? Idk... Maybe some day...

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

YEEESSSSSS. There's "Benefits & Costs" by trans_chickens, I JUST reread that and it's still AMAZING. Then, the "Polyamory" series by Euphorion. Did I ever tell anyone that I'm obsessed with Kuroko no Basuke? WELL I AM OBSESSED. (Also, uuhhh, very E-rated, but go read the "A Firm Hand" series by lysapadin, it's so good!) I'm sure there are more but those are the ones I remember rn.

Already answered 7. in a previous ask!

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

Uuhhh, sometimes it's just words I like or that feel fitting. I like one-word-titles, especially for the German stories. And while I do love to get inspired by music and lyrics, I like lines from poems for titles even more!

(And then there's "Neon, Neon", which is called that, because I couldn't come up with a title, but I knew I wanted something related to Neon Trees.......)

Already answered 18. as well! (Normally I would give you another line, because there are more, but I'm super tired sorryyyyyy......)

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

This is just an excerpt from an Ed/Izzy, with past Izzy/Sam Bellamy story that I'll probably never finish.

"Later, there's a Sam-shaped hole burned into the inside of his chest as if was made out of paper, the edges black and fraying and still able to ignite if it catches the breeze wrong. He doesn't really think about it anymore, only that he burns and has been burnt, so he's decided that, for now, it's better to not think at all. About Sam. About Sam leaving. About any of it. And if, sometimes, he thinks about satin under his hands, cool and soft and almost liquid, if he thinks about Sam's fingers digging into his thighs, about the dark-blue-like-the-sky-just-before-dawn bruises he'd left there, if he finds himself reminded of him when looking out into the night, and reminded of silk when looking out to sea. Well, then, that's his own fucking business, and everyone else can go fuck themselves."

I like the words here, maybe I'll re-use them for something else. (I also thought about sharing something from the One Piece modern roadtrip AU that I have lying around but every excerpt looked too long and this is already such a long answer....)

THANK YOU FOR ASKING <3 this was funnnnn!!!

[rubylane]

friend... why would you do this to me. i watched it. my heart is broken. like i am crying my eyes out rn... how did they convey the feeling of nostalgia, friendship, love, and heartbreak in 2 hrs like this. if im being honest i went into it not expecting to be attached to the story that much cus its only 2 hrs, they wont make me feel what baekdo has (sorry i had to compare) but it was.. so freaking sweet? like her loyalty and love to her friend that she went out of her way to put her feelings first cus she loves her friend that much but her friends feelings are valid too she shouldve told her ;-; but oh man... i fucking bawled my eyes at the train scene... then got confused as to why in the world did he go MIA (i had baek yijin flashbacks) and honestly wasnt even thinking the worst. her crying on her blind date cus they had the same name was REAL i felt it... (also this is how i felt baekdo would've been tbh) only for me to find out he passed away I HATE IT HERE AND THE VIDEO AT THE END ARE U KIDDING ME IM SO FUCKING SAD.. he was going to see her. i wonder what happened 😭 they weren't even dating for real yet and all these memories were the sweetest things. i dont even know how to talk about it. i felt a lot. like i was thinking about a love i can't even reach anymore, but when someones gone gone 🥺 i guess it can still be the same pain if that makes sense. i was pleasantly surprised how much i enjoyed them. im sad but a good sad 🥺

AAAAAAAAAAA I AM SO SORRY ))))))): i feel like you've properly laid out my exact experience as well because i went into the movie thinking 1) oh omg 90s! maybe this one won't hurt me like 2521 and i looooove love love when things take place in earlier decades 2) oh it's only a movie? ok i probably won't be as invested 3) and then i was wrong <3

the last like, thirty minutes of the movie HITS you when you least expect it and i think that was what really got me?? because i'm thinking wow, he moved on, he got too busy, he just couldn't make time for her (basically following the same thought process that bora might have had) and then....................THAT.

tHE TRAIN SCENE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTBREAKING AND WHO KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO BE THE LAST TIME THEY SAW EACH OTHER !!! I AM SO SAD AND UPSET !!!

also ur not wrong for making a baekdo comparison, i've seen a few posts talking about how if 2521 followed the plot of 20th century girl, it could've been a better ending in terms of a "well-done sad ending"

THERE'S JUST SO MUCH TO FEEL AND THINK AND PROCESS !!! I FEEL YOU COMPLETELY ))): IT'S SUCH A GOOD, BEAUTIFUL, BITTERSWEET STORY ))): i think one of the things i loved about it was that they had such a strong bond, despite being in the "early" stages of their relationship? like the use of "like" as opposed to "love" makes it that much more heartbreaking because you can't help but think of what could've been. in a way, they're almost like that "almost" tragic poem. like they almost could've had it all, they almost, almost almost ............. but couldn't.

there are some theories about what happened to woonho, like him dying on the plane back to korea when surprising her ( though i feel she would have heard about it ). i *personally* think it was either a case of him being terminally ill and dying before he could see her one last time, or a car accident of some sort. either way. P A I N .

thank you for going on this journey with me, i'm glad you enjoyed the movie nonetheless ))):

[tentacledtherapist]

Lisa,

I love hearing about your new project. I do hope you'll post photos! I would personally go with "I'll love you forever." (It is also my favorite quote so I am a little biased!)

I am unsurpised we both enjoy campy movies, would we be here if we didn't? It's funny, I've been attending RHPS since my 13th birthday. That is probably what really got me into horror and camp and things like that.

I'm curious what your 'canon' is like, what your thoughts and theories about the end of our story is, etc, etc.

- Creature

P.s.: Sorry if responses are sparse this week!

please don't worry about not being able to talk much! it's not like i'm owed your time or anything. i'm happy to read your 'letters' whenever they get to me :)

i think it was also rocky horror that got me into camp and horror fully? but i've been listening to hair metal/glam rock for a long long time, and there's a lot of elements of camp in that too. twisted sister's whole schtick was a gateway drug, i think. i hadn't been to a midnight screening until just last year though, since finding a theater near me that actually put on proper screenings was near impossible

i'll for sure be posting photos of the project as i make progress on it. and thanks for the input on the quote! i agree, it's kinda my favorite quote of the bunch, but i think i held out on actually deciding on it 'cause it feels less like a "merch tagline"? but that actually will probably make it better, since it's my own personal project. as soon as my craft store has the bright pink embroidery thread i need back in stock, my work will begin

as for my 'canon'... unfortunately, what i remember is mostly little snippets of moments that are shown in the source. one of those moments i remember most vividly is when creature first played the piano? up until that point he was mostly just a... concept to me? i cared about him, sure, but there was this sort of... disconnect. like the care you have for a pet, i guess. and that feels really bad to say, but i had spent a long time, months, just spending time with his gravestone and thinking of him as an abstract concept? he still kinda was once he came back. but i distinctly remember the feeling of. realization, i guess. where creature really became a person. he always was, of course, i was just a little blind at the time. that's definitely the moment where i started to fall in love with him too, even if it took me still longer to really get there intellectually.

i do remember little glimpses of moments from before, too. grass and mud stains on my jeans cause i was working on homework or a poem at bachelor's after it rained and forgot to bring a blanket to sit on. i remember brushing my teeth and washing my pj's like 5 times the morning after creature first showed up cause i couldn't get the smell out of my mouth or out of the cloth. i think i threw those pj's away, actually. i remember being hugged. creech always hugged so tight, like it was the last time he could ever hug anyone? it was nice

i try not to remember the actual moment of death, and i don't know anything that happened between death and rebirth, really. but after coming back it was. kinda rough. better cause i had someone to help me through it. it's another one of those 'i remember vague snippets and feelings' things. but i remember that my eyes were shot for a bit, i think they got. replaced. somehow. i never really got my depth perception back 100% though. i remember the feeling of missing taffy? i loved my sister, but logically it makes sense to not see her cause the whole 'corpse' thing would've done way more harm than good

i wish i remembered more things solidly, but finding these memories is almost always like trying to remember a dream the next morning, ya know?

what do you remember from your 'canon', etc etc? i hope you have an easier time remembering things, 'cause my way of grasping at straws to remember things kinda blows

- Lisa

[honey-tea-and-cookies]

I love your fmk with sings lmao, how about friend, marry, kill for moon signs?

Hi honey! I can definitely do that :)

Friend, Marry, Kill w/ The Moon Signs

Aries: Kill. I feel like I've said 'kill' for a lot of Aries placements, but I promise I love y'all I swear!! I just find myself having to rein you guys in all the time. I know how impulsive you can be, no matter how much you deny it. You're also so defensive. I'm certain I'll have at least one of you in the comments of these post like 'SoMe GoT hUrT bY aN aRiEs' (yes that's a direct quote of a comment I got, my love @astrologyninaa can back me up). No I was not hurt by you, you just can't take any criticism AT ALL. It's a bit funny, but also shut up before I make you (not in a cute way). ANYWAY y'all are also very funny and make me laugh when no one else can, and I love you for your soft lil moments like that. Still got the 'kill' verdict though smh 🙄.

Taurus: Friend. Okay this is ✨me✨ so sorry if I seem biased. HOWEVER. Every single Taurus Moon I've met is such a beautiful soul omg. So so kind, and would do anything they can to help others. A bit random, but they always have one signature fashion thing they can do?? For example; my old science teacher always wears a suit with a cartoon-themed tie to class on Wednesdays, and he has for the last 2 or 3 years (I love him sm). I'll use another example that's probably more relatable lol; my Taurus Moon friend always looks absolutely exceptional in green. They're also so smart! People talk about how hard working they are, which is true, but they're also just genuinely very intelligent.

Gemini: Friend. I'll be honest, both of my best friends are Gemini Moons lmao. So, so so SO funny. I know everyone talks about that but it cannot be stressed enough. You can vent to them about anything and they make it all feel so much better with humour. Also if you're the kind of person who just wants your friend to agree with them when you vent, GEMINI MOON IS YOUR MAN. Also if you're an introvert/mentally ill like me (lmao), these are the guys that will get you out the house. They are the ones that will say "PR, you haven't left the house in over 2 weeks, come to my party" and when I don't explicitly say yes, they say "Come on let's plan your outfit" and I'm sold. Also, they give the best music recommendations. I would be honoured to listen to one of your playlists honestly

Cancer: Marry. Honestly for the same/similar reasons as why I adore Cancer Venus. I wanna binge Disney movies with you. You feel like the type of friends to make shitty music videos with me in my bedroom (that is a high compliment, that shit is like baring your soul, embarrassing as hell). Please just,, let me adore you. Let me bake you cookies (you can help me if you really want though!!!). Lay down and let me rub your shoulders. MWAH. I love you. I would write a poem about you. You are the ultimate muse. Honestly please jus let me snuggle you okay?? You're warm and your hair smells like strawberries. Also y'all share this placement with Taylor Swift so go off 😭

Leo: Kill. I'M SORRY. Y'ALL LEO MOON BITCHES ARE SCARY. Y'all are always like 'You can't handle me 😍💅'. NO. NO I CAN'T. I'M SORRY. I've tried, and I have always failed. You got me. My Taurus Moon is fucking losing it with you guys omg. You're somehow a lot and also not at all genuine. Hollow. I'm being so mean right now and I'm so sorry I do love you. But goddamn. Please wear a warning sign <3

Virgo: Marry. Whenever I see this placement in someone's chart, I just know they're a green flag. I could talk with you for hours and hours and hours and not get bored (which I have done, by the way. AND I'D DO IT AGAIN?!). You guys both know everything, and are so open to learning new things. I've never met someone so eager to improve themselves and admit when they are wrong. You're also sweethearts. You've always been there when I needed you, even if you certainly did not have to. You're so funny too. Sensational sarcasm. Omg y'all are also gossip queens? No one talks about it enough, but you got the tea on everybody. I think it's because you just observe. You see and hear all (and tell me all of it aasjdwcfhqiee lmaoooo). I love love love you <3333

Libra: Friend. I was going to say 'kill' but then I realised I absolutely adore too many of you to do that. When undeveloped, you're the worst. Genuinely my least favourite people. BUT!! When developed and utilised properly, you're the sweetest most loving people in the world. Sometimes I have to really pay attention to notice all the little things you do, but they are there. For example; you always come to me for advice because you know that's how I show my love. Or you make a point of remembering the things that help with my panic attacks, and are always available if I ever need you for that. Or you get excited and come to find me specifically to ramble about whatever it is now, because you know I always feel so honoured to listen.

Scorpio: Kill. I honestly think this is such a beautiful placement when used correctly, but I've genuinely been treated horribly by every Scorpio Moon I've had in my life. I want to be clear; everything I'm about to say, is talking about *underdeveloped* Scorpio Moons. I know you don't necessarily mean to hurt me. It's my fault as well, not setting clear enough boundaries. I know I said you could come to me whenever, and I meant that, but you definitely abuse it sometimes. I've noticed that a lot of you are very attracted to me, which is wonderful! But your love is incredibly intense and suffocating. You can get blinded by it sometimes, which isn't fair to the other person. I'm sure y'all are lovely when developed though <3

Sagittarius: Friend. You remind me of Christmas fruit mince pies (that's a compliment). I actually don't like mince pies, but still. You're sweet! You're fruity. You give me energy (like how sugar does? You know?). The type to take lots of pictures and pin them up on a corkboard for memories sake. Cute!! I feel like you'd want to copy off my homework, but that's okay. I've said this before but, I feel like y'all would watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K with me and that's such a good thing omg I'd love you forever. Also every one of you that I've met was musically talented in some way, so go you!!

Capricorn: Marry. Honestly my favourite Moon sign, I simp for y'all TOO HARD. I see y'all and my back start archin frrrr 🙏🙏 (I'm so sorry). Wife/husband material. I feel like it would just be so easy to live with you in domestic bliss. Going grocery shopping together, cooking dinner for you, cleaning the house while jamming to music. I actually could not think of anything better. Your hardworking nature?? MMMMM. Your deep desire for financial stability?? MMMMMM. Your physical way of showing affection?? MMMMMMMMMMMM. I don't mean to come off too strong, but I would lay down my life for you and that's not an exaggeration in the slightest. Please let me kiss you (consensually, you can say no) <333

Aquarius: Kill. Y'all are hot, but I feel like you don't ever take me seriously. Like, I'm not dumb!! You're not the only smart person here!! Maybe I've just never been close enough to you, but you can be so iffy sometimes?? You're either all interested in me and my life, or you haven't spoken to me in 11 months. I cannot ever tell if you like me or not. Y'all are not direct AT ALL. This part of you makes me so anxious. Overall, unpredictable and scary. Generally pretty cool though :)

Pisces: Friend. You're the sweetest people ever I don't take criticism. Personally, my favourite place for Pisces to be. You always make such an effort to understand and relate to me. You just wanna know people, you know? Especially if you've struggled to feel heard. You stand up for everybody that deserves it. I think when people hear 'empathetic' they also think 'weak' but that's simply not true. You use your struggles to help others, and that's incredibly brave. So SO much respect for you guys. You all deserve the biggest hug (if you want one). Come here, sweetie. I love you. It's okay. I see what you're doing and I thank you endlessly. I adore you all <3333

This is all I have for today! Thank you so much everyone for reading, and thank you for sending this ask in! I hope it resonated. I want to remind everyone that there are no bad placements. Sending you all lots of love <333

[lipstickstainz]

true lies - s. r. (12/?)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison.

Chapter Summary: A collection of letters Spencer and you share while you're gone - and then you're gone forever. At least, that what he thinks.

Warnings: some fluff, angst, angst, angst, smoking, slight ptsd, grief and loss

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: I'm sososososo sorry. please don't hate me. I love you. gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

previous part

Dearest little bear,

two months have passed since you had to leave, and not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were here with me.

We are trying to do everything in our power to be able to bring you back home. But unfortunately, it seems to be taking longer than I would like.

I was told you were working on it as well. You are strong and smart and even though you can't be with me, I'm sure we can do it together.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

I was very happy to receive your message. I always carry it with me, although I would rather be in your arms, but I can't.

I can't tell you where I am right now, but still I wish you were with me. It is warm and beautiful and I am sure you would like it here very much.

Except for these letters, I'm not allowed to talk to any of you, but I like talking to you best anyway. We've come this far. And we'll make it.

Thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

It's been four months and with each passing second it becomes more unbearable. But a light is appearing at the end of the dark tunnel. We think we know who she is.

It won't be long before we can see each other again. And I can't wait to be able to hug you again. To be able to touch you. Or kiss you.

Not much longer. And then nothing can separate us.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

It would have been too good to be with you again at last. But it still takes time.

I have found something that can help us, but for now, just know that I will do everything I can so that I can return home. Back to you. No matter what it costs.

Keep your eyes open. We're closer than you think.

I'm thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

I was given time off to take a break. I was with my mother and she told me that a kind young lady had been here. She doesn't remember you, but she knows you are familiar and that she can trust you. As I do.

I am infinitely grateful. And I'm tired of waiting, but for you I do. For you, I do it all.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

I can no longer grasp a clear thought, because whenever I close my eyes I see everything I have done in review. I can hardly sleep and the nightmares plague me.

I just hope that everything will end soon. It has already been a year since we saw each other. I can't promise you anything, but I hope you know that everything I had to do was for you. For us.

Thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

it's been a few weeks since I've heard from you. I hope you are doing well.

We have found a trail that will take us further.And brings me a little closer to you. And that will bring you back home. I can't wait.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

It's been two months since you wrote to me.

Get back to me as soon as you can.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

Words cannot describe how much I miss you. Or how great the pain in my chest is.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can hardly breathe without you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

they hung your picture today. In the portrait you are smiling, proud to finally be part of the team. I can't look at it.

I was sent home, but everything there reminds me of you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

I keep your letters in a small box next to my bed. They are a part of you that I don't want to lose, even though I have already lost you. They are a part of you, just as you are a part of me.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

I went to our bookstore and found a book of poems that you would like. I'll put it with your letters.

No book in the world could have prepared me for the grief I feel. The pain is too engaging for me to talk about it with anyone but you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dear little bear,

it's been almost two years since we last saw each other. I don't remember what you sound like, or what you smell like. Why can't I remember that? Is it wrong of me not to think it's bad? It takes away my pain a little.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dear little bear,

A lot has happened in the two years we've been apart. Too much to ever be able to write down all the things. I just want you to know that this time was not easy for me. Not for any of us.

I put your letters away safely because you will always be important to me. But I have to let you go. And with this, I release you.

I love you. Forever.

With love,

Neruda

-

You pinch your leg to wake up. Your neck is wet with cold sweat and you have to blink several times to realize that you are in a cab. You run your hand through your hair as the driver looks at you curiously through the rearview mirror. He says nothing, which is why you glance out the window.

The drive from the airport to Quantico only takes an hour, but you still take the opportunity to close your eyes for a moment and doze a little. You haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages, you don't even know what a healthy portion of sleep feels like anymore, because you haven't had that luxury in the last two years.

As the car comes to a stop in front of the FBI building, you pay the driver and get out with your small bag. The building seems much bigger than you remember. You used to spend every day here, it had once been your home. But now you're not even sure you have a home anymore.

You take a deep breath and enter through the large doors, but are directly approached by a security guard.

"Miss? Are you visiting?", he asks suspiciously, extending his arm to keep you at a distance - something that wouldn't do him much good if you were actually trying to get past him.He eyes you up and down, which you can't blame him for. In your ripped jeans, dirty sneakers, and loose sweater, you don't look like someone who belongs here. By now, you don't either.

You look at him. "I'm here to see Unit Chief Prentiss", you reply coolly. You know he's just doing his job, but you're too impatient to let all this wash over you. You know Emily is already in the office. You know her too well not to. Why doesn't he just go get her? You just want to see your friend.

"Chief Prentiss?" He raises an eyebrow. "And what is your request?"

Your gaze is rock hard and your tone cold as ice. "Tell her Y/N Y/L/N is here to see her."

You wait outside the building, letting the morning sun warm your skin and the cigarette burn between your fingers before you put it to your lips and take a drag. Afterwards, you stub it out on a trash can. As you exhale the last bit of smoke, you turn around. And there she is.

Emily is standing at the door, and when you see her, you drop your bag and wrap her in your arms so tightly that you can't breathe. You cling to her, afraid that maybe this whole thing isn't as real as it feels, but you imperceptibly pinch your arm. And she is still with you.

"I thought - they said", she stammers, and it's the first time in your friendship that she's speechless. You hug her even tighter.

"I know", you answer softly, blinking away the tears that have formed in your eyes. The moment is too beautiful to cry. As you break away from each other, Emily wipes her own tears from her cheeks, but some have already landed on her blouse. There are dark stains now.

"I don't even know what to say", she says, smiling at you as you enter the building together. The guard gives you a look, but doesn't ask any questions as you walk past him toward the elevator. Inside, she pushes a button that takes you to the BAU floor. "I can hardly believe you're really here."

Neither can you.

The office is completely silent because no one is here yet except for you. Although nothing has changed, everything has changed because you are now someone else. It's been a long time since you've been here. Two years, but everything in this room is all too familiar to you. The coffee machine, the law books, the files. It feels like you've never been away. It's déjà vu all over again.

While Emily gets you both coffee, you sit down at the round table and wait for her. Your friend sets the cups down on the table before sitting down next to you. She smiles faintly. "How are you?"

You pucker your mouth. How are you? You haven't been asked that question in ages, and to be honest, you don't know how to answer it either. How could you possibly be?

When you don't answer Emily, she phrases her question differently. "What are you feeling right now?"

Your lips become a thin line. "I don't know. It feels like all of this," you point to the room, "isn't a part of me anymore. Nothing has changed, but it still feels foreign."

Emily nods. "You've been through a lot, I guess." She takes a sip of her coffee. "You're right, Y/N. Nothing has really changed here. But you're a different one now, aren't you?"

You open your mouth to answer her, but you don't know what either. Part of you feels at home here, but a bigger part of you knows your place is somewhere else. You just don't know where exactly.

"Do you want to see the others?", Emily asks. "I'm asking you because it's been a long time since you've seen them. And they think you're...you know. Are you ready for that?"

Are you ready for that? You haven't seen either of them in a long time, and it would probably be better not to see them for now, but to let Emily sort it out first. But the team is your family - the closest thing you have to a family. And you've missed them all terribly.

You nod and take a sip of your coffee as JJ and Rossi enter the room. When they see you, they glance uncertainly at Emily, as if they're not sure if it's just imagination, but she nods at them. And that's when all the dams break for JJ.

She pulls you from your chair and hugs you like the salvation of the world depends on it, and David has to pry her cramped arms from you so he can put his around you as well. They affirm to you how much they missed you and ask how you are, wanting to know what happened, but Tara and Penelope join them and that's when it gets too loud for you.

Penelope cries with joy and Tara also can't believe that you are standing in front of her. They besiege you and ask you questions to which you have no answers, so you just smile weakly at them. They definitely don't mean any harm, after all, you've just risen from the dead for them, but you've spent the last while in silence and are no longer used to this volume. So you turn away from them. They look anxiously after you as you sort of flee from them. You hope that this will make the headache go away.

Without paying much attention to where you're going, you find yourself facing the wall where the pictures of the deceased agents hang. And yours is hanging there, too. You don't know how long you've been standing in front of it - minutes? hours? -until a familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

"Y/N?"

You turn around and there stands Spencer. His hair is a little shorter and he looks like he's seen a ghost. Well, he sort of has.

You want to throw yourself into his arms, kiss him, and never let him go. Seeing him knocks the air out of your lungs, which is why you can barely breathe. The two years without him had been hell on earth, but you got through them. For him.

For Spencer, who doesn't take his eyes off you as the blonde woman next to him, whose fingers are intertwined with his, looks at him and asks, "Honey, who's that?"

- tags -

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[go-learn-esperanto]

Me Trying to Give Wilbur an Ability but Doing an Analysis on The Hitting on 16 Poem in the Process. More at 8.

I know I keep coming back to the topic of the consequences of Wilbur's lineage in relation to him but that's a topic I absolutely love so here I am with a more serious headcanon on the matter.

Philza is the Angel of Death, and the majority of people headcanon him to be the one that guides souls to their resting place. His wife, lovely Kristin, is the Goddess of Death, probably taking care and taking control of the death realm.

They have some very interesting positions and probably special abilities related to them (Like Philza's wings). Kristin probably dictates what'll happen with the souls of the dead (I don't think she has control over their limbos — to me it looks like the Limbos are created by what the person who died thinks they deserve. Wilbur's self-deprecating nature giving way to what is essentially Hell to him, Jack just being able to revive himself by his sheer belief that it wasn't his time, Tommy having a weird one where it wasn't probably as bad as it could've been. It wasn't great don't get me wrong, but he wasn't alone and given the fact that when Tommy felt alone he called for Wilbur... I think despite its problems he rather be with Wilbur, Schlatt and specially Mexican Dream than be alone. Also whatever was going on with Schlatt's gym IDK).

So now that we have that understanding I believe that Wilbur would get something out of being Philza and Kristin's son, besides of course, not aging.

We know that Fundy got his ability to kinda predict the future. His mother Sally probably just gave him the ability to turn into a fox since she was a shape-shifter (sorry salmon Sally thruethers, if CC!Wilbur was ok with the idea of her being a shape-shifter then I'm using it to my advantage). Anywway, Fundy got his dream prophecies most likely from his dad's side.

So what does Wilbur have that's special? Born in a family of deities he's got to have something.

There's where I turn to Hitting on 16, more precisely, Wilbur's poem.

I am the gilding of the gold

I am the painting of the lily

I am the crushing of the sand

I am the tirading tide of bland

I am the taunting silver light which penetrates and scars the sky

I am the remnant hopes and dreams of all good men that come to die

I am the surgeon’s chromium dagger

I am turgid Las Nevadas

I was initially going straight to the point but I can't help myself. So I'm gonna do an analysis of just the meaning. I know someone has already done a very good in-depth analysis of both the form and meaning of this poem but I want to show my interpretation just so it might be a little bit easier to explain my thought process later.

The other analysis of the poem that I did not check or remember before making this one. The only thing I took from there was the lily of the valley initial idea. After that I did my own research so these interpretations might look very different... And mine might be stupid but it's too late to go back.

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

I am the gilding of the gold

Gilding means, taken from the Oxford defenition “the process of applying gold leaf or gold paint. / the material used in, or the surface produced by, gilding.

example: ‘flaws in the surface will show through the gilding’”

Wilbur thinks of himself as the "gilding of the gold". I believe he almost looks at himself like the lesser valuable form of gold. Or almost like he was just trying to put a facade (the gilding) to hide the how damaged he is, but in the end it's still possible to see the cracks behind it.

I am the painting of the lily

I love this verse for the symbolism of the lilies. More specifically the lily of the valley. They have quite contradictory meanings since they are somehow both good flowers for weddings and funerals. They represent rebirth, good luck and happiness after a bad situation. They are also associated with death a lot, and sadness because of it. I think I don't need to explain why the meaning of rebirth fits him so well.

This with the added factor that when Kristin was in the Dream SMP (in Phil's body) she decided she wanted something to remember her time in the mortal realm. So she went to L'Manburg and picked a flower as a souvenir. The flower was, you guessed it, a Lily of the valley.

I believe this verse really sets that this poem really is a more profound look into what Wilbur thinks of himself and his relations with the world. But back to topic.

I am the crushing of the sand

This one is a little bit more difficult to interpret. Not counting me wanting to make a joke about Wilbur eating sand, We have to realise that Wilbur is in Las Nevadas at this moment of the story. In fact, Wilbur said he wrote the poem because he thought that if Las Nevadas was destroyed it wouldn't be a big loss.

Wilbur thought that the Las Nevadas’ skyline was bare. Propped up haphazardly in the middle of a desert and held together with concrete and tape, there’s not much that could be lost if a tornado swept through the entire place. He had written a poem about it before while ignoring Ranboo, talking about something he was far too interested in.

Regardless he feels like the sound of someone walking on the sand. Like he's the one crushing Las Nevada's maybe.

I am the tirading tide of bland

Tirading means “a long, angry speech expressing strong disapproval”. This is interesting since bland can literally mean boring or without emotion. To be a tide that seems both angry and without emotion is a bit of an antithesis. Tides are also something forever changing, something you'd know if you had listened to Roadtrip by Dream. >;)

My theory is that it eaither represents Wilbur's actions doing an 180° very quickly (from thinking they, Wilbur and Tommy, needed to overthrow Shlatt to suddenly believing they are the bad guys which are bit of the symptoms of his black and white mentality) or that he feels like his own arguments don't matter in the end.

I am the taunting silver light which penetrates and scars the sky

I think it's safe to assume he's referring to lightening.

This could very much be alluding to the act of bringing someone to life Mary Shelley style. In that sense Wilbur either literally is looking at himself being revived from being just a corpse or perhaps, and maybe this poem reinforces this meaning in the end of the story, it means Wilbur is finally feeling like he's alive after not feeling like he had been for a very long time.

It also brings an idea that he is the bringer of something scarier. Destruction mayhaps. After all, after the lightening there's always thunder.

I am the remnant hopes and dreams of all good men that come to die

Well, Wilbur is talking about his time as L'Manburg's General and subsequent President. In both ways he feels like he is what drives people to fight for what they love (L'Manburg) however simultaneously he brings those people, who he seems to care about, to die.

I believe this verse was born out of Wilbur's guilt and probably also viewing himself superior in the way that he is the one people actually follow. Kind how he felt humbled by Quackity wanting him in government but instantly acted that he was into a too high position to be considered a vice president. He is the one that leads the men, even if it's for the bitter end.

And I may have cried while writing this so let's move on before I cover my tablet with actual tears.

I am the surgeon’s chromium dagger

Now it might surprise you but there exists some daggers with the caduceus symbol, the symbol of medicine.

They seem to be called asclepius daggers.

(Asclepius is a Greek demigod, son of Apollo).

The medical symbol is a serpent, and in Greek mythology they represent wisdom.

Quackity proceeds to mention later in the story that he wishes to have Wilbur's wisdom.

Also! Chromium is used in combination to make the metal stronger. It has a blue tinge. I don't really know how that might connect but I decided to leave the information here anyway.

I am turgid Las Nevadas

I believe turgid takes in this context the meaning of “tediously pompous or bombastic”

This is most likely a call to Wilbur's plan of blowing something (the horse) up and his own association with explosions, something I don't see the need to explain since I assume everyone is familiar with November 16th.

It's also probably an insult to Las Nevadas.

The most interesting part is his association with Las Nevadas. In a way he is actually degrading himself. By both calling Las Nevadas turgid in the sense that it's pumpus and that he wants to blow it up / if it was destroyed tomorrow nothing of importance would be lost AND writing all of this poem in the first person, calling himself the turgid Las Nevadas, he is perpetuating his self-harm in a figurative way. Wilbur just said that if he was gone nothing would be truly lost.

Plus you could argue that by putting himself in Las Nevadas place he is demonstrating that he wishes for Quackity's attention. Maybe as much as Quackity gives to the country.

So why am I doing all this analysis besides being a bit crazy?

I want to talk about the sixth verse specifically. Yes the one that made me cry.

I am the remnant hopes and dreams of all good men that come to die

It might be a bit self-centred and sad but Wilbur does have a point. He's very good making people do anything for a cause or idea, even if it means putting their life in the line. Sometimes he even does it without wanting to (Coff Coff Ranboo Coff Coff).

This is what makes others regard him as dangerous. It's not his explosives. It's how he can lead people to believe and sacrifice themselves.

That's what I think it's Wilbur's ability in the end.

Sacrifice.

It's poetic in a way. And it's very much connected with death, if the L'Manburg war, November 16th and Ranboo have anything to say about it.

It's not like I think sacrifice doesn't exist in the end. Like I don't think death would stop existing if Philza and Kristin disappeared. I think they are more like catalysts for those things.

I also don't believe sacrifice is always negative (like Death isn't inherently bad). There's ways of sacrificing things without having death as a consequence (Tommy sacrificing his disks for L'Manburg for example).

If Wilbur sacrificed his negative view of himself, and his ego, for the happiness of the ones he cares about. then he might finally learn that there are people who care — and cared — about him. Getting his shit together would make people happier than his absence. Maybe then he'd learn his suicide in November 16th didn't benefit anyone — save for Dream.

Perhaps then he'd start living for any other reason than being afraid of what death brings.

[beykhabarr]

I felt really shitty, well to be more precise, I have been feeling shitty, I decided to not bake in the feeling, because afterall it's all in my head right? I'm not actually fucking alone, I actually don't feel insignificant, I am actually just thriving haha, GRR ITS ALL IN MY HEAD RIGHT? So instead of marinating in my bed, covered in my own tears, okay this is getting way too angry, I am going to tone it down a little okay? So I decided to bake, I love baking and haven't baked in a while, and it's fine it's okay I needed to get out of bed anyway, I have to move, I have to eat, wash my face and deal with the mundanities of life anyway, so I put some music on and very slowly start to do what one does when baking and as expected I start to enjoy it, before I realise it I'm singing along while grating chocolate and marvelling at how fucking good the batter tastes, I have for for the first time since yesterday, not thought about yesterday. I do everything, the cakes turn out perfectly good and soft and tasty the chocolate chips have melted just perfectly just how I like them, now it's time for the frosting, it's already 11 PM so I decide to go with a simple ganache, I am so lost in the process that I don't notice that the milk has suddenly gone bad, just the milk I took in my tiny cup, I don't pay attention and add it in, the ganache looks too good for its own good, by this point I'm jumping around in the kitchen because of how amazing the cake it going to be and I don't even consider that I should probably taste it before I put the frosting on, that's what one does right? But I trust myself enough at this point, big mistake, I put it on the cake and only when I'm done frosting thr cake do I accidentally taste the ganache and haha you guessed it it tastes absolutely fucking rotten. But it's too late now, the ganache is already on the cake, the cake is already in the fridge. I fucked up the ending. I fucked up during my closing act.

Very long ago, I had asked my teacher to review a story I was going to submit for a competition, and he asked me to sit and read his face while he read through the entire 14 pages of my short story. I couldn't decipher a thing, he was just very good at controlling his face and he wanted me to be able to do the same, anyway not the point,from his very thorough review of my work, which was mostly appreciation, he said one thing that I have still to this day not gotten over, he asked me 'I sometimes feel like you deliberately ruin the endings of whatever you're working on, I am not just reffering to this, this is not just one incidence, I've read your plays, your essays, even your poems, Madiha, what happens to you when we're just that close to the finishing line?'

It's so fucked up that what he said applies to literally everything I do, I always fuck up the endings, relationships, friendships, career goals you name it. I am so sorry. God.

I don't know I don't know I mostly hate myself.

[its-toasted]

Self care and self love are very different

I've been avoiding writing long text posts for like a month, I'm sorry. Don't know why I apologized. Doing y'all favors. Usually I just want to spill and cast out the feelings instead of writing to edit, you know?

Even if I want to share, I'm seldom ready since they're ethos ventings. They serve the therapeutic purpose, then go in the vault. But every once in a while, I'll pull a raw feeling or line from an old something to start a new one and I love doing that, especially if it becomes a poem or prose joint. I try not to let the spillage go fully to waste.

.

TLDR this not pretty. This afternoon I got stuck for a while on how I wasted over 2 good years of my twenties. A bottom 3 hang-up of thus far. It's been a couple months since this has cracked, it's heavy bitterness and shame and loose ends. I've burned a lot more bridges than I admit, even to my brother. It just makes me feel so fucked again.

After graduating in 2018, it took a while to land a passable gig, but I hustled and continued to take care of myself for about 6 months. Even though I was already in a bad mental space, I kept up steady routines because that's always kept me sane. Growing up I felt like my shit was together and I could do anything probably because I was always doing things. I kept the balance, body mind social spiritual. I think my world opened up more starting with weightlifting and ball in early middle school, finding those 2 things to love and work toward for myself, not forced like music. People and progress grounded me.

My whole attitude about self care shifted in the 2019-2020 calendar years. I just walked off a cliff. I remember reading a woman talk about "losing her mojo" in a Humans of New York book my brother got me. That was me at my worst, I stopped wanting to live decent and see my people and like go out. The biggest culprit was that I had a job that was impossible to be proud of, but it was a lot more. I leaned so deep into weed, because dependency is a common product of pushing for years. I mostly undid an adolescence of becoming who I wanted to be, and it started before 2019 but never caught on, and it went beyond my body. I shut down and stopped caring, period. For ~2 years I didn't do shit but make meh contract money and ride solo in my own worlds.

The worst thing was that I owed people better and I just wasn’t there for many because of anxiety and addiction. You lose the people you don't keep up with. What hurts otherwise is how I started to drop everything I love and found my place in. Spending time with my fam, writing, reading, singing, instruments, talking to my people, getting sun, even driving and exploring, all the simple passions. I wasn't active in circles seeing people anymore. Church school newsrooms workshops sports trapping greek life were all done, and I was in limbo. It all stacked into a very tall identity crisis, and I dealt with it by not. I started keeping to myself and it wasn't even bitter, it was just empty. Work and spark and dog and game and eat and succumb to a show or movie. I got by on this shitty rhythm for a brick, there was such a lack of love in and out. That kind of steady can be fine for a while, right, but when you're in it for too long or for the wrong reasons it becomes dark.

The routine was lonely, but it kept me occupied and not depressed. What it did to my headspace and self-image was nasty. Some of these self-deprecating thought loops that revisit today are like an unraveling of all the unsettled triggers, because sins beget sins. But so many times I'd neglect them automatic, reasoning that I was too lucky as a kid, and lived plenty full through 20, and I'd rather have those years anyways. I had a nice home, a good brother, and two parents who were physically present. So I can't feel this way, I have no right, how much can I ask for. And it's not bad to check privilege but sinking into that mentality was hella counterproductive to healing. Being a fucking bust aided in crippling me in too much shame to confront my shit for years, I just shucked it all.

That all started the year before COVID. So when COVID hit, things didn't get better for a long time. It literally took finding a new full-time job and moving homes to start getting myself right. But as soon as that happened, it was like the light switched back on. I want to stay wanting good things again, I miss being warm. And I can't invalidate my hang-ups or own all the guilt. That's not taking care, that's how I squander and dig a deeper hole. I have to wrestle and reflect on why I push everything away. And I'm not absolute trash for taking a long time to get okay again. Or maybe it's that I was trash, but I can still grow. Believing in your own ability to change might sound like a no-brainer, but I lost it for a while. Growing up is some bullshit but we’re gonna be good again.

You know underneath it all, I still believe God exists. But I don't think he does anything, I think he leaves us to our devices. And roots for us, because we have to find our own way. So on the good days I've forgiven myself and am moving forward again. Since I relocated, my baseline has been good days. I'm getting back to a better place, even if it's mad slow. Month-by-month I do notice differences. This was really hard to write. And it makes for a shit read because there's so much of what I hate about myself. But that's okay. Keeping it a buck, writing is less often about making what I want anyways.

OCTOBER - DECEMBER WRITING PLAN:

1. Send out another round of poetry submissions if I feel it 2. Wring and rearrange work since May for 1-2 collections 3. Then, finalize the outline for a memoir-ish book 4. Then, write book smh

There's no way I stick to this timeline. I'm excited and nervous to start on the book. I guess I've already started, but I'm not even sure I have the ability to wrap it up well right now. I envision an embellished memoir, but twisted enough that it still surprises me too. I will have rantage spillings scattered but I do want it to be storyline-driven. Except more as a string of vignettes to share all the loves of my life, and just how people lose and gain and change. I want to try to make something someone can fall in love with for sure, that good-book feeling carried me many times as a kid and teen.

Hopefully, I'll be on the book by the turn of the year. I think that's really optimistic. Reminder that there's nothing wrong with that.

[qianoir]

After Midnight 2 - Rhiannon

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: college dropout!Ten (WayV) x fem!reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non-idol au, angst with fluff on top

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 13+

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing (censored), lying, family problems, mentions death of reader's father, romance, this part determines the reader’s age but feel free to ignore

♡ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.5k

𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭: @staysstrays

Preview < 1 < 2

𝟏𝟎:𝟎𝟎 𝐀𝐌

Should I call him? No! What if it wasn't meant for me? Idiot, there was no one else in the café of course it was meant for you! What if it's a prank? It's probably the number to a McDonald’s or something. And if it's not..? What if he never comes into the café again?

You woke up in a freezing cold room with an acquainted boy named "Ten Lee" on your mind, contemplatively staring into his napkin before finally deciding to text him.

You typed the 11 digits into your phone.

Ok... now what do I say?

Hi Ten, this is Y/N from Décalcomanie.

Hi Ten, this is Y|

|

Why do I even care about this so much? It's just a text and for all I know this kid could be some kind of siren-vampire trying to seduce me with song lyrics at nighttime.. is that even possible?

Hi Mr. Lee this is Y/N from Décalcomanie.

Why so formal? Oh God I sent it..

It’s done.

You grabbed a towel and prepared a quick shower before continuing the rest of the morning. Intruding thoughts about Mr. Lee fill your mind under the water.. like.. why does he only visit the café at night? Your prior superstitious suspicions about him being a vampire fall back in mind.

At least if I get to be a vampire I can live this timeline as a doctor and make my mom happy, then be a dancer for eternity.

As much as you did not know about Ten, you still knew quite a bit about him. His favorite combination at the café is an iced Americano with pandan cake, his favorite color is black— you assume since it's the only color his outfits consist of, and he has a younger sister, which you found out after hearing him say 妹妹 over the phone one night.

The loud text notification sounds throughout the bathroom and you nearly slip trying to quickly finish your shower to check the new message.

Mom (Work)

My daughter! Your grandmother is sick, I am going to Incheon to bring her medicine and groceries so I need you to open the café today. I should be back to take over at 2 o’clock. Be careful on your own!

Unwrapping your body of your towel to dress into a nice outfit, you sighed knowing your Saturday would be another day spent on your sore feet. The café opens at 11 AM so you would only be working an extra few hours, but you hoped your mom would let you take a slice of delicacy home for the filial overtime.

“Aya!”

Another loud notification tone beamed from your phone, forcing your name brooch to prick at your fingertip. The screen luminated with an unknown number.

Contact Not Found

hihi Y/N! no need to be so formal with me! I'm only from ‘96 :)

Contact ‘TEN’ Added

TEN

are you free today? I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee and ice cream, if you're not sick of the smell yet ;p

You frowned remembering the plans your mother made for your day.

Y/N

I'm so sorry Ten my mom wants me to work opening for the café today :(

Figuring that was your ending, you packed a bag full of necessities for the day and walked to Décalcomanie.

TEN

why don't I come over there? the café serves bingsoo this time of year right? it’s barely the afternoon, not many people will be dining. we could still hang out if you’re down?

Butterflies soared in your stomach just like they do every night at 11:59 PM.

Y/N

Yeah that sounds perfect :)

TEN

okk see you soon!

Eek!

It felt so weird to think of seeing him in the daytime, especially after just mentally accusing him of being a bloodsucker.

Upon your entrance, the café was soon bright with morning light and you patiently awaited Ten’s arrival. Nearly an hour had gone by and there was no sign of him. You didn't think he would flake out, but you barely know each other so why wouldn't he?

Ten was right; it was pretty empty here this morning. You bent forward to hand one of the regular old women her tea in the Décalcomanie’s prettiest teacup upon your mother’s request of the best service for all of her regular customers.

The bell chimed with an open door. Your eyes blinked to the woman's upturned phone by her saucer.

𝟏𝟏:𝟓𝟗 𝐀𝐌

Could it be? You laughed at the irony in the thought, but when you looked up from the woman’s table, a rice cake cheeked boy stood across from you.

"I'm here!" He announced to the entire floor.

You bowed a greeting like you do for every customer and ushered him to the bar, "Sit down over here." where he sat in front of your standing form. "What type of bingsoo have you come in for, sir?" You teased.

"Coconut with vanilla ice cream! And.. two spoons?"

You blushed at the thought of sharing subtle intimacy with the fine young man before your eyes. You had only just met him, but you saw no harm in sharing a dessert with him as you would do with friends.. if you had them.

Nodding and running off to make the icy dessert, you heard the ripple of a writing pen. From the corner of your eye, peeked Ten orchestrating an English poem onto a stray napkin, his brown bangs falling on the bridge of his nose. These little actions made your heart jump; his passion for various styles of music felt so endearing to you.

You paid for the grandiose bowl of sugar and presented it to Ten. His phone lit up with a notification and you took notice of his wallpaper: Him with a disgusted looking boy that he was French kissing on the cheek. I'm not judging but.. whomst?

"Who's that?" You asked, handing him a spoon, taking another for yourself.

He glanced at his phone and blushed, breaking out in quiet giggles.

"That's my friend, Yangyang. We really enjoy our time together."

You hummed and smiled. They seem to have a good friendship, but you were still curious to know more about this Yangyang guy.

"So you attend university?" Ten asked before shoveling a high spoon of ice flakes into his mouth.

"I'm a sophomore at SNU." You replied, mirroring his bold eating style.

Ten spoke with surprised eyes, "Really!? That's a fancy school. Wow～ you must be really smart."

"Not really.. I'm studying dance. All I do is move my feet."

"I'm a dancer, too! It's a really hard and beautiful art, you shouldn't sell yourself short for being a part of it." He genuinely advised.

You looked down after thanking him for his kind words, suddenly feeling very bashful. "How old are you, by the way? You calling me Mr. Lee this morning is all I've been thinking about." You both laughed.

"I'm 20, turning 21 this year.” He nodded. "You're from ‘00? Yangyang is the same age as you!"  He exclaims.

"I’ve never met someone my age! How many friends do you have?"

"I have a few, but I’m closest to a specific six and we all live together."

"It must be nice to have so many friends. It’s been a little difficult for me to make friends this semester.." You stirred some melted ice cream around your side of the bowl, suddenly feeling very lonely in Ten’s personal presence.

"You should come over sometime! We love new friends!" He was pleading with his eyes for you to agree.

"Oh.. I don't want to intrude-" "No really! We would love to have your company. Here..." He flipped over the napkin he was previously writing on and scribbled a short address on it, sliding it over to you.

"You should come by tomorrow evening. 5 o'clock if it works for you." Ten says before finishing off the last bit of flavored dairy in the bowl.

You scanned over the inked napkin in your hand.

97 Saemunanro, Sinmunno 1 il-ga, Jongnogu, Seoul

"It's apartment number 117. Just call me when you get there because we may not be able to hear your knocks over the screaming." You looked at him in slight concern, but he only smiled in return.

Ten took out his card to pay for the bingsoo, but you stopped him. "Oh I already paid for the both of us!"

"Aww you didn't have to," Ten frowned, but handed me $20 anyways, "Here take this at least. A tip for my favorite barista." He winked and ran out of the café before you could protest.

"REMEMBER 5 O'CLOCK!"

Ten shouted, bumping into a man, who cursed at him, profusely bowing on the way out. You shook your head at his silliness and flipped the napkin over to a pretty poem.

She is like a cat in the dark and then

she is the darkness

She rules her life like a fine skylark

and when the sky is starless

To Be Continued…

Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac

𝘲𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘳

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 7

Chapter: 7/12 Additional Notes: See Ch 1 for more information. Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick." Any formatting/italics errors are holdovers from AO3 that I was too lazy to fix. Chapter Content Warnings: derealization/delirium, fainting, general depictions of illness Excerpt: It was quiet in the hall, but that didn't mean much as of late. Still, it didn't matter. Janus' days of skulking around in the shadows were well and truly over. Now he would stand tall in the light so intense it didn't even let him cast a shadow.

Mhm, a monster's here Mhm, you plug your ears But hey, you might just listen to it sing Please let the Devil in

Janus awoke with a single-minded focus and a fire raging in his chest; it burnt away the distractions and fears he built for himself. He had to talk to Roman and it couldn't wait another second. He'd already put it off for far too long.

Getting out of bed was a struggle; Janus' blankets were all tangled up in his legs. He threw them on the floor and got up, bypassing the folded paper on his nightstand. He had neither the time nor the patience for another one of Remus' awful poems.

It was quiet in the hall, but that didn't mean much as of late. Still, it didn't matter. Janus' days of skulking around in the shadows were well and truly over. Now he would stand tall in the light so intense it didn't even let him cast a shadow.

He knocked on Roman's door with a bare fist and listened for the shuffling of feet on the floor. No sound came. He knocked again. "It's Janus," he said, lest Roman mistake him for Patton and bury his head deeper in the sand. "I've come to apologize."

The door flew open and would have bounced off the wall had Roman not caught it with his hand. It left his chest wide open, vulnerable, showed Janus all the bleeding wounds he hadn't seen before. "Great," he said, glowering at Janus. "So you can run back to the others and brag about how much better of a person you are than me?"

Janus blinked hard. The lights from Roman's room formed a halo behind his head and surely that wasn't symbolic at all.

"No," Janus said with difficulty. His mouth was dry and his tongue didn't seem to want to work.

It had been warm in the hall but as he stepped over the threshold into Roman's room, a creeping chill made his joints stick.

"Are you coming in or not?" Roman asked.

Janus shut the door behind him and fought to regain his wits. The simple act of standing left him breathless and sore, but it made the fog roll out a little. "Aren't you going to offer me a chair?"

Roman glared at him. With choppy, deliberate movements, he grabbed the back of his rolling desk chair and thrust it at Janus.

"Thank you." Janus sat and fixed his eyes on Roman's hazy, angry features. The ceiling light made his eyes ache, but he refused to flinch. He had to get this right.

"Well, Billy Flynn-truder." Roman held out his arms, again opening up his chest. Janus blinked. There had never been any blood on him at all, had there? "What do you really want?"

"What?" Janus asked through numb lips.

"Like you'd ever apologize to me. That was just another lie to get me to let you in, and guess what? It worked. You got me again, Deceit."

"Janus."

Roman scoffed. "Spit it out already, Horrorboros."

Janus squinted. Hadn't he already said? Maybe he hadn't. He pulled his elbows in tight to his sides and shivered. "I came to apologize."

"Fine, we're sticking with that." Roman towered over him, anger blazing in his eyes.

For a split second, Janus was worried Roman might hit him, never mind the fact that, for all his boisterousness, Roman had never been the overly violent sort. But now the possibility loomed in Janus' mind and made him shudder and pull his arms tighter around himself. "I'm sorry."

"There, it's over." Roman turned away from him. "Run and tell Patton and Tho-- and the others what a good boy you are. Everyone loves a reformed sinner."

"I'm sorry," Janus said again. "I--" Shame made his face hot even as icy shudders ran through his limbs. "Roman, I n-never meant to hurt you."

"Never?" Roman asked, low and deadly.

"Well, at the end--" What was wrong with him? It was a struggle to get words out, any words at all. Even the wrong words. The walls tilted sickeningly. "It was wrong of me to use you. The courtroom scenario-- I told you what you wanted to hear."

"I know."

"And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have played with your emotions. I didn't-- I didn't know better at the time; I was scared, and... I-- I would have done anything to get you to listen to me."

Roman whipped his head around so sharply it made Janus' own neck ache in sympathy. "You're lying."

Despair rose in Janus' chest, trying to escape in the form of one desperate, broken sob. He swallowed it down. "Not this time."

"Why should I believe you?" Roman demanded.

"Because I mean it!" Janus shot back at equal volume. It sent waves of agony pulsing through his head. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I used you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I just wanted you to listen to me. That's all I ever wanted."

"That's. Not. Good enough."

"It's all I have. I gave you my name, Roman. I don't have anything else to give." Janus' chest ached as he took in frantic, shallow gasps. Tears welled up his eyes, not of shame or penance, but fear. What if he wasn't good enough? What if he lost his place?

"Spare me," Roman said, voice sharp with disgust. Janus looked up at him, fighting exhaustion with every muscle in his body.

Roman frowned. "That's not going to work."

"What?" Janus sighed, feeling his posture worsen with the prolonged exhalation.

"Stand up," Roman demanded. "Stop looking at me like that."

It was the least he could do. Janus stood even though his legs shook underneath him.

"Where are your gloves?" Roman asked. He sounded very far away. "Where's your hat?"

"I don't know," Janus said numbly. He could feel himself shivering even though he could no longer feel the cold. He tried to stop and couldn't, and that fact bothered him less than he thought it should.

"Janus, seriously. I'm not buying it. Drop the act."

Janus just shook his head. Roman didn't have to keep rubbing it in, although he probably was revelling in Janus' failure.

He would crawl back to Remus, then, except… He couldn't seem to move.

"Fine!" Roman shouted. "You're scaring me. I'll-- I'll hear you out, just stop--"

His words faded under the sharp hiss and roar of static in Janus' ears. He fell to his knees, gasping for breath. White and red crowded his vision; his face connected hard with Roman's sash.

Then, just like the end of the movie, everything faded to black.

Aside

Roman's voice sounded in Logan's dreams and ripped him back to reality. His body moved before he registered what was happening, a fight-or-flight response he didn't usually exhibit.

He ripped the door open and came face to face with Roman, who…

Logan's stomach dropped.

In his arms, Roman cradled Janus' unconscious form. His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths and his face was frighteningly pale where it wasn't stained an angry, feverish red.

"I swear I didn't do anything to him!" Roman said frantically. "He was in my room and we-- He-- I don't know what happened!"

"Roman," Logan said. "I need you to breathe." He paused and made a split-second decision. "Follow me."

He stepped around Roman, careful not to bump into Janus, and strode down the hall toward Janus' door.

"When did that happen?" Roman asked, seeming to forget his panic in his surprise.

"After…" Logan said. "Well." He didn't usually shy away from difficult topics of conversation, but he thought it best not to upset or overwhelm Roman at the moment. He took the handle and opened the door for Roman. "Put him on the bed, please."

"Right." Roman entered and hesitated, letting out a shaky breath through his nose as he looked around.

"Roman," Logan prompted.

"Sorry." Roman swallowed hard and gently set Janus on the bed. "I just-- I don't know what happened."

"He's sick," Logan said, taking care to keep his voice even. It wouldn't do to further upset Roman.

"I can see that!" Roman snapped.

"Roman. Breathe. You didn't do anything wrong." Logan needed a scan thermometer, and one manifested in his hand. The readout forced him to swallow down a wave of concern. "I need ice," he said. Ice packs appeared under Janus' arms and legs where they connected with his torso.

Janus yelped and thrashed, tears forming in his eyes. Logan held him by the shoulders until his struggling died down into the occasional flinch and shudder.

"You're hurting him!" Roman shouted. He took a deep breath. "Sorry-- Sorry, I know--"

"It's okay," Logan said. "Sit down." He held eye contact while Roman sank down into one of Janus' leather armchairs. "He's going to be okay, Roman."

Roman braced his elbow on one armrest and cupped his forehead in his hand. "I keep messing up," he said in a strained, thin voice.

Calling Patton for backup would only add more emotions to the situation and make it harder to look after both Janus and Roman. Logan had to handle this himself. "Roman, Janus has been sick since last night. Whatever happened wasn't your fault."

"I can't believe his door moved!"

Logan sat down on the edge of the bed, apprehension increasing his heart rate. He had done all he could do for Janus. Now it was time to put his underdeveloped interpersonal skills to the test, as adding anyone else to the equation would only make things messier and less efficient.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"He apologized to me!" Roman looked angry. Logan couldn't fathom why. He had felt a nearly overwhelming sense of relief when Janus had apologized to him. Relief and responsibility to correct his own mistakes. Why was Roman angry?

"You didn't want that?" Logan guessed.

"I don't know! I'm confused." Roman sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Logan, I know emotions aren't your thing."

"I…" Logan adjusted his tie. "I'm working on it. Please be patient with me."

"Jeeze, what all did I miss?" Roman asked, touching his forehead.

"Quite a bit," Logan said, before realizing that the question was probably rhetorical. "Roman, to be completely honest, I don't know what you need right now."

"I know." Roman sighed and shifted positions so he could rest his elbows on his knees. "I'll-- I'll figure it out. I'll go back to my room and get out of your way…"

"I want to help you," Logan said. His own emotions were distant, abstract, confusing things, so he used broad terminology to better make his point. "I feel… worried." Roman took a breath to interrupt, but Logan held up a hand. "I'm not done."

"Sorry," Roman mumbled

"I'm worried about you," Logan said. "And it was Janus who helped me reach the point where I can tell you this now: I care about you, Roman. I don't want you to go back to your room."

"But I'm… I don't--" Roman swallowed hard and tears welled up in his eyes. "I don't deserve--"

"Roman," Logan interrupted. Guilt reared up at his having done so, but he couldn't allow Roman to further agitate himself. "It's not about what you think you deserve. It's about trying to be better than you were before. Hiding away in your room accomplishes nothing. I know that's not who you are. You're brave and headstrong and I've never known you to run away from a challenge."

Roman sniffled and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "Wow, Teacher Feature. That was really…" He sighed and seemed to lose interest in what he was about to say. "Thank you, Logan. I'm just… Embarrassed. I acted like…"

Logan physically bit down on his tongue to avoid suggesting a few vocabulary words.

"Like Captain Hammer," Roman said.

Logan frowned. "You beat up Janus in an attempt to win Patton's and/or Thomas' affections?"

" No, Specs," Roman chuckled mirthlessly. "Well. Not literally. But I did make fun of him in front of everyone. And not in the fun way, like when I tease you guys." He flashed Logan a smile. "And then he apologized to me! Or tried to." Roman ran his hands through his hair. "But that makes me the villain of the story!"

"Ah," said Logan, thrown for somewhat of a (metaphorical) loop. "Well. Are you planning on building a giant freeze ray?"

"No."

"Do you seek world domination?"

"No…?"

"Do you believe that you are entitled to hurt others or that their desires are somehow expendable in service of your own?"

"No?"

"Then you're not a villain, Roman, super or otherwise. You're just human. Well, as human as any of us can possibly be. You made mistakes. So did Patton. So did Janus. So did I. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to work to make things better. I believe that's what Janus was attempting to do when he visited you "

"Ugh!" Roman ran his hands down his face. "I can't believe he beat me to the punch!"

Logan squinted. "So you did hit him?"

"Just an expression, Spocktor Who."

"I see."

Well… If Janus did it first, I'm going to do it better ," Roman said.

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!

Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha

You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!

The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha

The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

So the song starts with:

"When I first saw you

The end was soon

To Bethlehem it slouched

And then, it must've caught a good look at you"

And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).

And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.

When Hozier says:

"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"

I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?

After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.

And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:

"If I was born as a blackthorn tree

I'd wanna be felled by you

Held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies"

And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.

Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨

(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)

Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look

like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️

[pawkhyun]

Love Language

A very short Junhoe/Reader fluff au (?) idk what to call it lol

Author's notes: this was made impulsively so i don't really like how it ended :( but i hope you guys still like it !! i might try writing a smut fic soon~

The days seem to pass by slower nowadays, even if Junhoe's schedule has been clear for a few weeks straight now and has been at the dorm. You're glad to see the seven of them again so often; usually, you'd have the dorm all to yourself. You would get your spare keys and see yourself in, spending the day lounging at the boys' place and cleaning up a little while you're there.

You don't know exactly when, but it was excruciatingly obvious by now. Things have changed between you and Junhoe.

He was never the type to be all too affectionate, even at the start of dating. He'd write you poems, steal kisses from you once in a blue moon when the both of you are alone, but never did he show any display of affection that is, even in the slightest, bold, regularly.

The past few months have been different though. He seems a bit colder, less caring. He doesn't spend much of his time with you, and despite his schedule being free, he hasn't even asked you to go out with him. Hell, Chanwoo even offered the two of you go to a PC room together before Junhoe even tried to arrange the smallest of plans with you, which is apparently movie night because his friends weren't down to drink tonight.

Thing is, you aren't really sure of yourself, either. You might be overthinking, you consider. The thought frustrates you further.

You unknowingly let out a sigh while you and Junhoe are watching the movie together. You were too occupied by your thoughts to even process the film in front of you.

"You okay?" Junhoe asks, without missing a beat. But his eyes are still glued to the tv screen.

"Yes, jagi, I'm fine." You say, voice giving away your fragility.

Junhoe finally takes one look at you — and then reaches for the remote to switch the tv off.

The both of you are plunged in darkness, save for the dim light that had filtered through the shoji screen separating the kitchen and the living room. He takes both of your hands. You almost forgot how your tiny hands could easily be enveloped by his.

"Hey," Junhoe begins, looking at your hands in his, "did I do something wrong?"

His question takes you aback. "No, why?"

"It's just that you haven't really been happy recently. I haven't seen you smile in a while," His voice lowers in volume, making the statement seem all the more intimate. "I thought I might've done something serious without knowing."

Your expression softens at his concern. "It's just that..." you trail off, reluctant. You see Junhoe leaning in, eager to listen, so you continue. "You haven't been spending much time with me lately, and your schedule's been free for ages. I just thought we could've spent more time together since you haven't been home in forever."

Junhoe hums inquisitively, a sudden change of mood. He lets go of your hands and leans back onto the couch, and pats the seat beside him. "Come here, jagi."

As you scoot over closer to him, he snakes his arm over your shoulder. He looks at you again before planting a quick kiss onto your forehead.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I haven't been spending as much time with you as I'd like, too, if I'm being honest," He cooed, staring right into your soul. "Do you want to spend the entire day together tomorrow? Maybe the next few weeks, too."

You beam at his offer. "Of course," you say, leaning back and enjoying the warmth of his chest. You feel his heart thud at your movements, making you all the more charmed. You began to wonder if this man could make your knees buckle just by breathing. And honestly, he probably could.

"I promise I'll spend more time with you," he says, pulling you in closer. "This feels much better than any night out drinking, anyways."

Maybe you were overthinking things. After all, Junhoe's love language has always been conveyed through the little things. Either way, you were more than glad to spend the next few weeks with your boyfriend.