#and if i’m actually on this website long enough i want to write a long fic for each member which is so unlikely 💀

[chocosvt]

I’m not sure if you answered this before but would it be too much to ask who this current fic is about? 🫣

i don’t think i have, actually?

BUT it’s for wonwoo! cuz i haven’t written for him since… *whispers* 2018

and if i manage to finish it i’ll be removing a moon without stars from my m.list cuz she’s a little dusty and terrible so this can be her stand-in 😭

[bengiyo]

BL 2023 Review

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to write about BL for this year. I was originally going to do a The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly framework for it, but that feels meaner than I actually am about it. Instead, I think I’ll just write out some sections and unpack some things I felt along the way.

I Watched Too Much Again

Last year I engaged with about 92 productions around the world. This year it was 99 (I tracked stuff I completed here). Sure I dropped 18 of them this year, but goddamn. The problem with watching as much as I did this year is that I worked full time this year and also maintained a separate hobby. I also continued my twice-weekly watch sessions with my friend Emily, so there are an additional 100-ish watch sessions in here of rewatching, plus a few other rewatches (Theory of Love and My Ride most notably).

One of my struggles at this point is I’m far too familiar with the genre, and find myself feeling impatient and irritable with shows that aren’t to my taste the way I used to. Throughout the late summer and fall I found myself increasingly grumpier about the genre, and it didn’t get better until I had a holiday and basically slept a day to get some energy back. I also found myself growing apart from fans I’ve known and followed a long time. It’s been a difficult year for me as a long-time fan because my tastes, habits, and friendships in the genre have changed even if the amount I watch hasn’t really.

I Wrote a Lot This Year

I recently converted my watch tag away from my gaming internet persona to just my shortname, so all near-1000 of my Stray Thoughts posts can be found under #ben watches now. I’ve also been going back and adding #ben writes to some of the standalone pieces that I really liked. In reviewing them, the pieces I’m happiest about are my ode to Framboise from Kabe Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to Be Recognized, my post begging everyone to watch La Pluie, my post about what it means to actually like queer men, my SBS ep 10 post that ended up being wrong, my post about the Lavender Scare and Be My Favorite, my Tokyo in April is… post about the breaking of the BL line,

However, the two posts I am most proud of is my half-joking response about why I think tagging each other back and forth across Tumblr in our writing is so important. and The Knowing: Being Queer in BL because I had so much great conversations with folks as a result of both of these posts.

Looking back at my own blog, this is probably the most active I’ve been in my entire time on this website, so thank you to everyone who interacted with me this year, because it really is people talking to me that gets me most inspired to write things down. Big shout out to @lurkingshan who will bug me repeatedly until I blog something that I said in passing.

We Started a Podcast!

After hanging out with @shortpplfedup since Bad Buddy, she got inspired and really wanted to bring something different to the BL podcasting sphere. I had time, and liked talking with her enough, so we started @the-conversation-pod. Now we’re a full year into it and planning out future stuff. It’s been so much fun being able to get things off my soul and break poor NiNi in our recording sessions.

From this year, I think my favorite episodes we did were The Moonlight Chicken Episode, the Eighth Sense episode, the ITSAY Anniversary Episodes,  The Wedding Plan episode, , and The Holiday Clip Show. Huge shout out to @ginnymoonbeam for anchoring the transcription process, and @lurkingshan for editing.

The VIIB Awards will begin airing soontm so look forward to that.

Favorite New Term: Business Gay Performance

Let’s be clear, Bump Up Business is not good. It is an obvious BL cash grab from OnlyOneOf that seeks to comment on the fake nature of BL while doing everything it can to trick the audience into believing that the BL pair is real.

Before we got deeper into this year, I was a big fan of a certain pairing, and then their fans took it too far and it affected the way I engaged with their performances and their work. I like that we have a new term for “fanservice” that communicates that you understand that this is for work. (thanks to NiNi for this comparison) I can look at the latest behind the scenes video from Last Twilight and say that I think Sea really understands the work they’re doing, and he and Jimmy have a very relaxed and mature version of BGP without feeling like I’m feeding into shipping.

Do I think they’re dating? No. Do I like the way they fake it? Absolutely!

I can look at one of @respectthepetty posts about Yin and War having personalized, color-coded mics, and we can talk about the next level BGP between the two and both communicate that we know that this is a performance.

It actually makes the extra PR work fun for me again, because now I can just shout “BGP! BGP! BGP!” and it not feel like I’m giving myself brainrot.

Thai BL Needs to Finish Stronger Next Year

Let’s get into some of the show stuff. This year was defined for me by Thai BL starting strong with good premises and then squandering them by not focusing on the details that mattered or leaning into baseless melodrama. Time for some reads. Some of these shows were generally good, but they failed at these things:

609 Bedtime Story: The world building crumpled in the back half and both endings are flat.

A Boss and a Babe: Cher is a pro gamer who worked for a gaming company and there was no plot point about this at all, or collaboration between the two groups.

Bake Me Please: Why was a show about cake so lacking in flavor?

Be Mine SuperStar: You had a real opportunity to explore a fan and idol romance and had Punn show so little growth. I hope the footage of First’s range is helpful now that Ja is out of BL.

Be My Favorite: You redid that whole amusement park date and muddled so much of what the hell happened on that day.

Between Us: You had years to make this interesting. Why are there five pairs and why is the end of this a JC Penny catalog photoshoot?

Dangerous Romance: What the fuck happened to the Sailom we had in episode 1 and 2 before that gun incident?

Hidden Agenda: Tee, what the hell was this? Twelve weeks of this?

I Feel You Linger in the Air: You may be the most beautiful show, with some of the most impressive performances of the year, but you absolutely botched this ending. Finish the goddamn season next time.

Love in Translation: I love you, but that whole kidnapping plot was so stupid at the end.

Low Frequency: I like your OST. That's about it.

My Dear Gangster Oppa: No examination about how gaming friendships become close quickly because of the combination of anonymity and teamwork (shout out to @twig-tea for this excellent summation).

My School President: Saving your gay commentary for the final episode felt like a conservative choice. I want more from you next time.

Naughty Babe: You retconned your own characters to tell a worse story. Unforgiveable.

Never Let Me Go: You didn’t know if you wanted to be a high school BL or a mafia story. It was difficult to watch.

Only Friends: I cannot believe you did Boston like that at the end. Either give Force’s character a clear personality next time, or keep him enigmatic; half measures make him and Book look worse. Sand was absolutely embarrassing. Boeing was a waste. Ending on all of them paired like that felt so unearned.

Step By Step: You forgot to ground Jeng’s external dreams at the end, so the final two episodes are just frustrating.

I’m glad I got that off my chest. We can go into the next year now.

Korea Put in the Work This Year

I really like the efforts from the various Korean studios this year. I really hope we get a Strongberry joint next year, but I want to acknowledge that we had 18 Korean BL dramas I watched this year, and at least three of them I think are must watches: Our Dating Sim, Sing My Crush, and The Eighth Sense. Beyond that, I think Love Tractor, Unintentional Love Story, and A Breeze of Love are easy recommendations.

It’s really impressive how the complaint for me this year with Korean BL is not about them using their time poorly. It’s more about normal drama concerns, where I think characterization is a little weak, or a theme doesn’t land squarely. This rapid iteration from the Korean studios is really impressive to watch, and I’m excited to see what some of the recognized players do next year.

Taiwan and The Philippines Have Been Quiet for Me

I wasn’t really able to connect with much from the Philippines this year except for The Day I Loved You. I never wrote about The Day I Loved You, but this beautiful and heart wrenching show is one of my favorites from this year. I wasn’t too keen on the Oxin Films offerings of this year, and I’m still chasing down the ones from The IdeaFirst Company.

As for Taiwan, this new BL project from the end of the year just isn’t hitting. Kiseki: Dear to Me also ended up really hurting me with the way they used Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih. I love that angry little man with the white hair, but I’m still salty about Wayne and the general mess of that show.

Japan was Busy This Year

I watched 16 new shows, a few older ones, and a few movies this year from Japan. We haven’t gotten this much from them ever. I continue to love the Drama Shower project from MBS, and my beloved What Did You Eat Yesterday? returned this year. We had pretty stellar outings with Our Dining Table, If It’s With You, and I Cannot Reach You.

I think a third of the Japanese BL I’ve tracked on MDL actually released this year. That’s huge.

Still, I am going to side eye Minato’s Laundromat 2. You were the show that let me down the most this entire year. More than Only Friends, more than Step By Step, and even more than Kiseki. You absolutely blew it. You were telling a great story about a man with an acute case of internalized homophobia coming out of his shell and learning to love his younger partner and you blew it for stupid amnesia nonsense. I will never forgive you for this.

Where Were All the Uncles This Year?

Really, without Jim from Moonlight Chicken, and without the men from What Did You Eat Yesterday? we had an alarming dearth of older gay characters passing on knowledge and wisdom to the youngsters this year. What the hell happened?

Rare Dynamics Won: Second Chance Romance and Friends to Lovers!

We had so much second chance romance this year. It’s really my favorite version of gay romance because gays don’t always have ideal settings when they’re young. We had Our Dating Sim, Individual Circumstances, Jun & Jun, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, Be My Favorite, Love Class Season 2, and A Breeze of Love. I am satisfied.

Friends to Lovers is actually so rare in romance and we have so many to choose from this year! The best examples are I Cannot Reach You and Sing My Crush, but we also have one of the pairs in Love Class Season 2.

Gay Thoughts

I had a couple of ongoing thoughts this year about queerness in BL.

First, I want to return to my post about Sing My Crush and La Pluie, and how I assert that Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes. More than giving men grace to be righteously angry or upset about things, along with letting them express it in ugly ways, I really want to get into how we engage with these shows. I will stop engaging with moralistic reads on characters in 2024. I will no longer engage with asks, reblogs, or meta gripping the fandom where we're judging the moral fiber of the character.

The question that really only matters for me at this point is: Is this act from the character justified from their characterization, the narrative, or genre conventions; and is it interesting? Whether or not the character is good or bad reeks of the lame arguments about good and bad representation, and I am not watching BL like I’m being graded in Sunday school.

The second thing I really want to acknowledge at the end of the year is that the gay sex is finally getting better again. I watched The Novelist this year, and we have taken so long to get back to the space that show took us on the portrayal of male-male intimacy. We are in the genre about people with dicks. It should feel like it. There should be a masculine component there that feels specific to queer intimacy.

I will acknowledge 2 Cutie 2 Pie, A Boss and a Babe, Be Mine SuperStar, Bed Friend, Candy Color Paradox, For Him, I Cannot Reach You, Kiseki: Dear to Me, La Pluie, Love Class 2, Love in Translation, Love Mate, Middleman’s Love, Naughty Babe, Only Friends, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, and Wedding Plan for your contributions.

Final Thoughts

I like how broad the genre felt this year, and I enjoyed how much speculative fiction is entering into the conversation. I don’t know how I feel about there being five vampire stories in the works next year, but overall I’m glad that we’re getting more experimental concepts. I’m burnt out on the college engineering BL, and would like to see more shows about working adults.

Despite how grumpy I was for at least three months, I think this has genuinely been one of the best years we’ve ever had in the genre. I made a lot of new friends in BL this year, and I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you all for spending some of your time with me this year and I’ll see you in the next one.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Silver Lining 3

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

"So your sister will be coming by next week with the little ones," your mother declares as you stand at the sink, scrubbing away the remnants of roast beef and potato. "You'll get to play auntie for the day."

"Mhmm," you nod, "what about Justin?"

"Oh, your brother's down visiting with his fiance's family. He said he'd try to make if for Christmas Eve but you know how her family is."

You sniff and pretend to know. You really don't. It's all hearsay to you. You don't hear much from either siblings; they have lives, you just happen to be related.

"S-sounds great," you utter as you put another plate in the rack.

"Oh, honey, you should just use the dishwasher," she says.

"It's f-f-fine, this works," you insist.

"Well, what about you? What are you up to?" She leans on the counter.

"I..." you don't know what to say. You need a lie, anything to appease her. Your brother's engaged, your sister has the white picket fence and you have nothing, "oh, I h-have a job interview."

"You do?" She sounds thoroughly disbelieving.

"Uh, yeah, w-well," you stammer through, trying not to give away your deceit, "since n-no one wants to h-hire me in my f-field, I f-found something new."

"That's exciting," she chimes, "what is it?"

"Uh, I w-want to see i-if it turns out b-before I say," you give a tight-lipped smile, "don't want to d-disappoint you again."

"Sweetie, you're not a disappointment," she hums, "I'm always happy to see you trying."

You look down at the sink and shrug. Behind that comment is the inference that you weren't trying before. That you haven't been. The long nights with vivid nightmares don't exactly motivate you and you've been all but blacklisted as an executive assistant. Even admin roles aren't responding. Even if you do get a bite, the job market is drawn out and tedious.

"Thanks, mom."

"Just... try not to mope around the kids," she chides, "it's Christmas."

You flutter your lashes, "sure, mom."

That's what you are to everyone; weak, pathetic, useless. No, don't do that. You'll make another appointment with Lisa, she always knows what to do.

☕️

Well, this is it. A last resort. One of those freelancing websites that pays pennies. It's better than nothing and will keep you from having too big a gap on your resume. You could easily do the writing gigs, easy money for transcription. You apply to a few of those and scroll on.

You sit up as you see a particular posting that interest you. Oddly enough, the pay isn't half bad. It's also labeled as 'may lead to ongoing work'. Well, well, well, now that's something.

You click into the posting for 'Podcast Script Writer' and review the details. A sample is required for application and lucky enough, you have lots of those hanging around. If it wasn't for your stammer, you'd have an episode done by now. You deleted enough recordings to the point of giving up. Well, this is a solution. You can get your work out there without having to embarrass yourself.

You go through the application, putting in your info and editing a draft before attaching it to the application. You just hope it's thorough enough. You never really let anyone else see and hitting submit makes your stomach flip. With the final click, you close your laptop and quickly get up. Alright, you're not going to dwell on it. If you hear anything, you'll worry then.

You try to read but can't focus. It just makes you think of the posting and your application. Oh jeez, imagine you're rejected but worse, they tell you you've done everything wrong.

Appointment! You can't forget that. You login to the app and put in a request for a Zoom appointment that week. Alright, you're getting things done, you can't say you've done nothing.

You put a video on your phone and lean it on the pop out grip, propping it up on your mattress to watch the compilation of sitcom moments cut together on Youtube. Your mind wanders and your eyes begin to sag as the day shrouds you in fatigue. You slip into a shallow doze as the glare of the screen flickers over you.

The distant clack of keyboards and clicking of mouses needles behind your ears. It's as if you're trapped in a bubble of silence, all colours and noised dampened by the unseen wall. You shudder as you hear his voice, the only thing that's clear. Your name crawls up behind the shell of your ear with his breath as his hands settle on your hips. Your body aches as every muscles tightens and your bones lock in place. Please, no, not again...

"Sir..." you try to speak but nothing comes out. He's always tugging your skirt up, his hand is around your throat. You close your eyes as tears stain your cheeks.

You wake with a start, your phone black as the battery's drained from neglect. You sit up and pant, looking around your dark bedroom, the moonlight limning shadows sinisterly. You gulp and fall back, watching the ceiling as the tears rise in reality and sting your eyes.

If you'd just said no. A simple word. Even you can manage that.

You lay for a while until your restlessness boils over. You get up and plug in your phone. The screen lights up as you rub your eye socket and yawn. There's an email notification in the taskbar. Probably more ads for things you can't afford.

You pull down the menu but find ‘Application Update’ emblazoned across the notification. Oh wow, that was fast. You keep yourself from tapping on the email.

You don't know if you can handle another rejection. You'd rather languish in the uncertainty. You've been doing so for so long, it almost feels safe.

[chellestrash]

Private Matters

Chapter V (18+)

CamBoy!Frank Castle x Female Reader

Story summary: After stumbling upon a cam website one night you quickly discover your favorite streamer. Unable to get the thoughts and images of him out of your mind you decide to become a supporter and the two of you grow closer to each other over time. Things get complicated when your close friend, neighbor and crush decides to express his feelings for you.

Chapter summary: You find out your neighbour Frank never left your apartment after what happened the previous night. After a nice breakfast and an interesting conversation, the man decides to prove something to you.

Chapter warnings: explicit language, explicit content, mentions of smut, teasing, pet names

Word count: 3.1k

A/N: chapter V is finally here! i am SO SO SORRY it took me so god damn long to get this out but to be honest i got a bit stuck on the story and wasn’t really motivated to continue writing it. Luckily, thanks to @chelseasdagger i managed to rework it slightly and now i’m as excited about it as i was when i first started. SO, with that i hope those of you who choose to read this will enjoy it! Let me know what you thought and if you’d like to be added to the tag list. Thank you!!

Series Masterlist

Waking up in your bed after falling asleep on the living room couch the night before catches you off guard for a moment. You sit up straight, glancing around the room as the memories of yesterday’s evening slowly come back to you. The semi successful, but not quite, date with Frank, the walk back to your place, the make out session. Blood rushes to your cheeks at that particular thought, the feeling of his tongue on yours somehow still reminiscent in a spot right past your lips. It doesn't take long for you to remember the conversation that occurred right after, the weight of your words heavy on your shoulders now. You still weren’t sure why you mentioned it all to Frank, why you couldn’t just get over the feeling stuck somewhere in the back of your head. But you were thankful for his response to the awkward situation, he didn't mind your ‘confession’ or at least, if he did, he pushed it down deep enough for you to not be able to pick up on his actual feelings. Defeated, you sigh loudly, hands rubbing over your tired eyes. You make peace with the questionable decisions made the night prior.

After stepping onto the wooden floor, you quickly take in your current state. Clothes? The same ones you wore yesterday, nothing changed, and you frown at the thought of sleeping in them. Make up? Still partially on your face. Hair? Most likely a sleepy mess. You decide to sort out all those things before anything else. You quickly make your way over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

The long, warm shower is something your body longed for without you even fully realizing. It takes you a moment to prepare for the day and after changing your clothes, and sorting out both your face and hair, you make your way out of the bedroom and to the living room.

“Morning.”

Frank’s voice comes seemingly out of nowhere, and you flinch, jumping back slightly, before noticing him by the kitchen counter.

“Oh shit… sorry.”

Frank lowers his voice apologetically, despite your gestures to let him know not to worry about it as you calm down quickly, now fully aware of his presence.

“I didn't think you'd stay after I fell asleep?”

You point to the couch before turning back to face him.

“Also did you-”

He shakes his head slowly, as if already knowing your question before you say it out loud—he didn’t carry you.

“Walked you over to the bed after a bit.”

The explanation fills the gaps in your memory, and you nod when the image of Frank walking slowly by your side, guiding your sleepy self into the bedroom comes back to you.

“Didn't want to...you know.”

He nods towards you.

“The clothes? Oh! Oh yeah, no you're fine. That…yeah it's fine, I changed now.”

You smile softly, showing off your chosen outfit before stepping in his direction and into the kitchen.

“You did try to take my makeup off, though.”

You point out, partially joking and partially serious, and Frank chuckles loudly in response.

“Didn't do it right?”

“Well, you got like half of it.”

You explain, grabbing the kettle to pour yourself some tea, and he nods.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

“Made this for you.”

Frank nods towards the island, and you only now notice the big plate resting right by the edge of the counter. Your eyebrows pull together, and you look up at him, slightly confused.

“You made me scrambled eggs?”

You ask, a small smile pulling at the corner of your lips. He shrugs, suddenly changing his confident posture. His arms are now crossed over his chest, his face turned to the side, eyes no longer on yours. He wonders if that was unnecessary, maybe he made it weird.

“You don't-”

“Thank you, Frank, it smells great.”

You cut him off, sparing him the unnecessary overthinking before sitting down in front of the plate.

“Did you eat?”

He nods.

“Before you woke up…took your time."

He explains and you look up quickly with a defensive glare.

“Hey!”

“What? Half the day went by already.”

“It’s noon!”

Frank smirks at the answer, leaning over the edge of the counter.

“’S my point.”

He points out and you counterattack.

“Okay smart ass, it's my day off, so I can do that if I want, actually. You're the one who's over at a friend's place in the middle of a work day.”

You point out and Frank stands up straight, clearing his throat while his body suddenly tenses up slightly. With arms crossed in front of his chest, Frank's black, semi tight-fitting shirt struggles to stretch over his chest and you find yourself staring at the way the fabric pulls over his body.

“Yeah well...”

He frowns, thinking over his words for a moment before letting out a loud sigh. You watch as he pulls his phone out to check something.

“Doesn’t start ‘til later.”

He explains and you smirk playfully.

“Later? I thought half the day went by already.”

Point for you. Frank's posture changes again after the tease. His body relaxes some, his arms drop and he scoffs, shaking his head.

“Okay. You win, happy?”

He admits his defeat, and you finish up your breakfast with a nod and a cheerful smile. Grabbing the plate to carry it over to the sink, you go back to the topic of Frank's employment after coming to the conclusion that if someone were to ask you what your very close neighbor Frank Castle does for a living, you simply would not be able to provide an answer.

“Okay so…what do you do for work, like actually?”

Setting the plate off to the side of the sink to dry, you then turn back to face him again.

“Why?”

He frowns, clearly slightly hesitant to answer the question.

“Just curious.”

You shrug, an innocent smile on your face and he watches you for another moment.

“I mean…I don’t-”

Frank starts, taking a deep breath in, and you watch him think about the answer before continuing.

“You meaaan? You don’t know?”

“Well, shit it’s like…”

He frowns, frustrated at himself for a lack of the ability to find correct words to explain this to you properly.

“Yeah?“

You lean on the counter, nodding encouragely, awaiting his answers with anticipation as you watch him settle on the answer.

“Media.”

“Oh…”

You attempt to picture Frank working for some company at a small desk in front of a computer screen and frown at the thought.

“Disappointed?”

You glance back up, and your eyes open a little wider, before you shake your head quickly.

"No, no, I’m just trying to picture it like...what part? Like... managing social media? You don’t seem like the type...no offense.”

You follow up quickly with a slightly concerned expression glancing back at him.

Frank chuckles softly, shaking his head to let you know it’s alright and you didn’t strike him too hard with your observation.

“Okay, cause if it’s not managing, then what is it? Like vlogs or?”

You throw the idea at him and Frank is the one to frown this time, clearly "offended" that you could think so low of him.

“You always ask so many questions? Hmm?”

The man leans over to the other side with a stern expression and a raised eyebrow, attempting to get you to switch your focus.

“Only when I’m talking to a cute guy.”

You shoot, and he’s unable to dodge it. The frown slips away in exchange for a playful smirk. Squinting his eyes as if to make sure you won’t backtrack on your words, he's scans your face for another moment before dropping his gaze.

“So, it's not just that you interrogate people, you also lie, huh?”

“Well, you can either accept the compliment or answer the question.”

You smile innocently, leaning forward a bit closer to him now. Frank scoffs and looks off to the side after a couple seconds of eye contact before scrunching his nose and turning back to face you.

“How 'bout I ask you something now?”

He tries.

“Oh, I am an open book, Castle, you can’t get to me.”

“Yeah? wanna bet?”

Propping your head in your hands, elbows on the counter, you raise your eyebrows, feeling fully comfortable with your statement.

“Try me.”

“So, the guy you told me about?”

In that second, your stomach sinks and your body tenses up before he even finishes the question and your previous statement crumbles completely.

“Yeah, what was that? Open book?”

"Oh, haha, shut up.”

You push yourself away from the counter and make your way over to the living room part of the space. Leaning against the armrests of the couch, you cross your arms in front of your chest and sigh, trying to subtly escape Frank's eyes.

“Are you two like a thing?”

“What?”

You look up, and he finds your eyes.

“You said you do phone stuff, so... You two a thing?”

“Oh god, Frank, no, no, it’s not. No, there’s no 'thing'.”

He nods, silently thinking over your answer.

“You like him?”

Frank asks, and you dwell on how heavy the conversation suddenly feels. You shake your head slowly, and he frowns, his eyes searching for yours as he tries to decipher your thoughts without actually getting to hear them.

“You don’t like this guy, but you-"

“I don’t know him, Frank; how could I like him?”

You mumble quietly, your eyes focused on your feet.

“Well shit,”

Frank starts, and you look back up, thankful for his now nonchalant tone. You know he realized you felt guilty about the whole thing, it was his attempt to make you feel better.

“The guy clearly doesn’t know you either.”

He walks over to you, crossing the distance between you two in a few steps. You watch him confusedly, your head tilted up slightly, your eyebrows pulled together in curiosity.

“Clearly?”

He nods, filling the empty space between the two of you, his thumb gently rubbing over your chin as he tilts your head up to have you look at him.

“If he did, it would be a thing. Or at least you’d see him try to make it a thing.”

His touch makes your body relax almost instantly, his now quiet, low and raspy voice only adds to the comforting sensation as your eyes find his.

“You're saying that if this random guy knew me better, he'd like me or…try to get with me?”

Brushing his finger down your cheek, Frank smirks softly.

“Mean…why wouldn't he? Huh?”

The corner of your lips pull up at the words when you spot the perfect opportunity to tease him one more time.

“You getting soft on me, Castle?”

Biting into your lower lip, you watch Frank turn away with a cocky smile and you lean to the side, not wanting him to be able to slip away from you that easily.

“Huh?”

You press forward, and he shakes his head. Turning his face back to you, he nods slowly.

“Getting soft? On you? Sweetheart, you're really asking me that after yesterday? 'Mean...you felt it.”

Feeling your stomach cramp at the pet name, you do your best to remain collected and confident.

“Well...maybe you just wanted to be polite.”

Hooking your fingers on the belt buckles of his jeans, you pull him closer to you. The loud, raspy laugh rumbles through your body, and the sight of Frank's big smile makes you smile right back at him.

"That what you think, huh?”

He asks, whispering the question against your lips as he leans in closer to you.

“I mean, how would I know?”

You purr, pushing your hands against his chest, rubbing them up and down his torso, encouraging him to push forward.

“Want me to show you how?”

He glances down, his eyes now on your lips, before he looks up at your eyes again, licking his lips quickly. The low, rumbly voice travels through your body, down and between your legs and you push them together, hoping he wouldn't notice. You nod, stepping up even closer, your bodies now pushed up against each other, your leg nudging between his.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

A quiet hum is his confirmation, and he lifts his big hands up, cupping your face before his thumbs brush over your cheeks. Your body relaxes into the warm touch, one hand on the back of your neck now as he holds you close to him, and his lips brush over yours gently.

"Yeah, okay, I'll show you.”

He mumbles against you, his tongue brushing over your lower lip, before he finally pushes into the kiss. You hum quietly, and your hands find their way to the back of his neck. The short hair prickles your palm as you rub over it, pulling slightly. Frank grunts into the kiss, his head tilting to the side the second his tongue slips past your lips. He deepens the kiss, and you moan quietly against him. His hands linger up and down your body, resting on your lower back, before he pulls you in closer. After dragging your nails down his neck, you move your hands back to his chest. His body is so close to you now. Your palm sliding lower and lower over the belt buckle and the zipper of his jeans. He grunts into your lips, breaking the kiss when your palm rests on the bulge between his legs. Rubbing your hand against his cock through the fabric of his jeans, you watch as his eyes close, his jaw tightens, and you swear you can feel him twitch in your hand. Pulling away, he glances down between your bodies, huffing through his nose loudly. You press your lips against his neck and feel his hand digging into your lower back as he longs to feel your body on his.

“You feel that?”

He asks, his big hand now over your smaller one, his cock warm in your palm.

“What was it? Getting soft, huh? You still gonna think that?”

The questions rings out in your head, and you tighten the grip around him. His hips push into your touch…unintentionally? Maybe he did it just to get to you.

“Oh no, Castle, I think you managed to convince me.”

Pushing a strand of hair away from your face, Frank tucks it behind your ear before dragging his finger down your cheek. Tilting his head down, he glances up into your eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Mhhmmmm.”

You purr seductively and squeeze him, probably slightly too tight. A low grunt leaves his throat while he grabs your wrist, quickly pulling it away.

“Think maybe that’s enough, huh?”

His intimidating tone slips through his words, but you’re already lost, gone too far to turn back now. Before he’s able to react in any way, you push your other hand against him.

“Shhit-“

Your lips are back on his, your now louder moans successfully winning him over. Stumbling through the room and around the furniture, you make your way over to the couch. Frank falls first, panting as he sits down on the couch, pushing his legs apart. He doesn’t take more than a second to catch his breath before pulling you into his lap. You grind down onto him, your body rocking gently on his. His fingers wrap around your neck when his lips find yours one more time.

You hum softly, pleased with the sensation, and Frank scoffs loudly.

“Jesus Christ.”

He shakes his head, quickly looking down once he feels your hand on the buckle of his belt.

“Yeah, let me-“

His hands on yours again as you both struggle to undo the buckle for a moment. After you unzip the fly, Frank pulls the fabric of his jeans apart, lifting his hips up slightly with a grunt to pull them down some more.

“Go ahead, sweetheart.”

You glance down at him, eyes widening at the sight of the bulge in the gray fabric of his boxer briefs. With your heart pounding against your chest, you reach your hand out, and Frank pulls you back into a kiss. Your fingers hook over the hem of his underwear, and your hips push forward on their own at the image in your head. The heat of his body is so prominent against your own now and you moan knowing the feeling of him inside you is so so close now.

Phone. You pull away quickly, a confused expression on your face, when Frank curses loudly, reaching to the back pocket of his jeans to pull his phone out.

“God, f- god damn it.”

He groans while checking the alert.

“It’s um…”

He turns the phone for you to read it as well.

“It’s work.”

It takes you a moment, but you finally move, breathing out a quiet laugh before turning the alarm off.

“Media?”

He breathes out a quiet laugh, clearly frustrated but thankful for your way of searching for a comedic relief in a shitty situation.

“Media.”

He nods, hands rubbing over the sides of your body as he allows you to make the decision. You nod now, a soft, understating smile on your face, before letting out a loud sigh and leaning closer to him. Pecking at his lips softly, you somehow get rid of his frustration, not fully of course, but enough. You push yourself off his lap and sit next to him on the couch. Frank drags his hand down his face. One more loud sigh before he somehow manages to pull himself up and off the couch.

“Listen I-”

He starts, hands working the zipper close as he talks to you.

“It's fine, don’t worry.”

You explain, and even though you mean it, he clearly doesn’t believe you, and you don’t blame him. Despite knowing this wasn’t anyone's fault, the disappointment is difficult to push down or mask.

“I’ll make it up to you, yeah?”

You nod, but he’s still not fully convinced.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.”

Leaning over you, he doesn’t leave you much choice but to look up at him.

The slight disappointment in his own eyes, the honest tone of his voice, and his gentle touch on top of your leg—you can’t help it. Your expression softens with his words, and Frank picks up on it the second it happens.

“Attagirl, there she is.”

You roll your eyes at the pet name, but your smile is still present.

“I’ll make it up to you, yeah? Promise.”

He pecks at your lips quickly, and you do the same. One more kiss before you finally nod again.

“Okay.”

You mumble against him and push into his lips one last time before he stands up straight in front of the couch. Clearing his throat, he fixes his belt. Your eyes drop to the still prominent impression of his cock between his legs, and your thighs push together at the thought, once again.

“Right, I’ll-”

“Mhm, go do your media then.”

You both laugh, and Frank shakes his head.

“I’ll text you later?”

You nod again, a soft smile on your face, as you watch him wave before he shuts the door behind him.

You sigh loudly before falling back onto the couch. Staring at the ceiling you replay the last couple minutes in your head over and over again. The tingling sensation between your legs stubbornly remains with you despite your wishes. The pure frustration of the situation only strengthened by the overwhelming longing for his presence, his touch. Hiding your face in your palms, you take a big, deep breath before grabbing the nearest pillow. You push it against your face and with your eyes closed and the feeling of Franks hands on your body still present you let out a frustrated, muffled scream.

Taglist:

@chelseasdagger @lorilane33 @dreadfulxives18 @5thelement @desert-fern

@joybabyjune @ohgodthebogisback

@barnesbabee @babeincolor @liadamerondjarin @therashslingingslasher @lostfleurs @httpwintersoldier @witchychanel @atemydadforbreakfast @sumo-b98 @lunaticgurly @mattmurdocksstarlight

[jetra4ivor]

3-4 of my posts regarding the Minecraft Movie have gone viral. And as someone who has never had a post go viral before I gotta say…

I do not like it.

Maybe on other websites it’s not a big deal, but here on tumblr it is a nightmare.

The biggest issue is that it’s really hard to filter the reblogs and be able to respond to things. If I’m like scrolling down through the reblogs to see what people are saying or writing, the SECOND a new reblog or like comes in tumblr INSTANTLY jumps me back up to the top. Because tumblr wants me to see that someone new is reblogging my posts.

And when you’re only dealing with 1 or 2 new reblogs or likes every few minutes or hours… not a problem.

But when it’s literally multiple times a SECOND? Omg… I can’t scroll down. I can’t keep up. It’s just CONSTANTLY snapping me back up to the top and I can’t scroll through anything and see what people are saying!!!

I was hoping after a few days it would slow down… BUT IT HASN’T. The only way I’ve been able to respond to anything lately is by manually finding the individual posts or reblogs themselves and scrolling through the comments there instead.

The second issue is that tumblr keeps your post as it was reblogged. Even if you edit the post later to fix a spelling or grammar mistake, tumblr keeps the incorrect version of the post if that was reblogged before you corrected things.

And for example, in one of the viral posts my phone auto corrected “Piglins” to “pigeons.” And I didn’t notice it at first until the post was well into being viral and someone pointed it out. But even after I corrected the mistake, it had been reblogged so many times now that the incorrect version is all anyone sees. So I’m still getting people telling me I wrote it wrong LONG after I already fixed it 😭

I post primarily about gay MCSM content. Specifically involving female Jessie and Petra. I don’t generally post about other Minecraft stuff, as I try to keep my blog focused on MCSM related content. I probably wouldn’t mind too much if going viral meant more people saw some of the gay MCSM content I reblog or talk about…

But none of the viral reblogging has transferred over into any of my other posts. Which is sad because one of the viral posts is about people talking about how good MCSM is. After nearly a decade of people talking down on MCSM it’s so fantastic to see so many people stepping up and defending it and saying it was good… but none of that positivity is spreading into any of my other posts about the game!

You guys actually liked MCSM? Please… come into the MCSM fandom! Inject your love of the game into this fandom! We NEED you here! We’ve felt so isolated and small! Where have you all been? Why won’t you join us here and create new art or talk about your favorite characters or moments?

Why hasn’t any of my viral success transferred into more fans of the game joining the MCSM community? 😭 It’s so gratifying to see the love of MCSM in the comments to the Minecraft Movie trailer… why isn’t that resulting in more people coming into the fandom on tumblr?

Don’t get me wrong… it’s nice that people liked some of my posts enough for them to go viral. But the way tumblr works makes going viral really difficult to deal with and I’m not seeing the cross pollination of MCSM fans into any of the OTHER posts I’ve made about MCSM!

I just want more people talking about the lesbian block people! You came here for the Minecraft Movie Trailer dissing… please stay for the lesbian block people!

[chdarling]

Hey guys. I’ve turned off anon indefinitely. You can still send me asks for now, but you’re going to have to use your name.

Sorry to do this, but while 99% of you are lovely and I’m so grateful for your thoughtful comments and readership, some people who frequent this website really need to reconsider boundaries and the way you talk to actual humans on the internet.

And, just as a little reminder to the aforementioned some people: this isn’t my job, I don’t get paid for this, and every time you send me rude messages about how long it takes me to write TLE, it makes me want to work on TLE less. I have a bunch of original projects demanding my attention right now too, and when I open tumblr to see several messages in a row about how I’m not doing enough fast enough for my fanfic labor of love that I am sharing for absolutely f’ing free, it makes me start to question why I’m bothering with all this and why I’m not putting this time into my other projects instead.

The answer to this question, ultimately, is because I love TLE, and that’s why I’ve written it from the start, and that’s why I expect I will feel compelled to see it through to the end, but it certainly doesn’t make me feel compelled to hurry up and hustle just so some jerk anons get off my ass about meeting their entitled expectations. That’s not how this works. I am not, actually, writing this for you, jerk anons. I’m letting you read it.

Ok, rant over. Thank you to those of you who have been so lovely in my ask box in the past. I’m not posting this in any attempt to garner sympathy or anything, so please don’t feel like you need to reblog this or defend me. I have just been frustrated and felt the need to speak into existence some firmer boundaries that I’ve been fairly lax about in the past.

Thank you ❤️

[thetomorrowshow]

hi i’m the anon who asked to make more of the reverse au

i realised i’m actually pretty terrible at writing and am terrified of posting my work anywhere but i still have so many ideas. i thought i’d just share them here in case you or anyone else is interested (you don’t have to read them i just want to get them out of my head)

-scott and jimmy become pen pals and write to each more and more until it’s a daily occurrence. through the letters jimmy tells scott everything that was said in dissonant air (he can’t control his powers, he never meant to hurt anyone, the depressing thoughts, etc)

-they see each others real faces during a poorly timed letter delivery. scott had come to give jimmy his letter in his civilian get-up at the same time jimmy was leaving his apartment

-scott didn’t return to being a hero between the times he was kidnapped from his injuries and from his fear of seeing xornoth again. he stayed trapped in his house writing letters. his friends were more than happy to help him buy groceries and stuff every once in a while. nobody noticed when he got kidnapped except for jimmy, since the letters stopped coming. at first jimmy thought scott had come to his senses and stopped talking to him but still had a feeling something was wrong

-jimmy tried to tell the other hero’s something was wrong but they didn’t trust him. after days of constantly bothering them and insisting major was in danger they finally complied. jimmy told them about scott’s previous kidnapping and they got on the case

-the hero’s tried to find xornoths lair by themselves (they wouldn’t let jimmy help for obvious reasons) but gave in after months of failure and let poor jimmy help. he used what information he could find from all of the letters he was sent. it wasn’t a lot but it was enough to work with

wow this got long. sorry about that! there’s still other stuff i had in my head with this (like with what was going on with scott during all of this and how they get him out) but idk if you’d want to hear more. sorry if this was bad i’m not the best with writing and grammar

I never thought I would write anything else for this au of an au. But hey, here we are.

For clarity's sake, Jimmy is 'S' and Scott is 'M'.

---

Hey! Hope everything’s good. Sorry about your security camera :/ I think I broke it… But I just wanted to say thank you for not mentioning me to the police. Or the reporters. Yeah. Sorry. But I hope you’re getting to feeling better! Thanks again and sorry again

Thanks

S

~

Thank you for your help.

-M

~

Hey, just wanted to let you know I got your note! Glad I could help, really. I feel like I never do anything right, so it was nice to be able to help someone for once. On a related note, I think your groceries went bad. Sorry :( I should start pre-writing these so that I don’t stand on your doorstep for so long. But how does getting groceries delivered work? I’ve been wanting to try it for a while because supermarkets are a landmine. But I hope you’re well! I hope you’re eating enough. Sorry about the groceries.

Thanks!!

S

~

Please do not stand on my doorstep to write notes.

You visit the store’s website and click the delivery option.

-M

~

Thanks for the advice about the whole shopping thing! I haven’t done it yet because I dropped my phone into an incinerator the other day and I’m still trying to buy a new one but the power goes out every time I walk into an electronics store. I’ll try it out once I have a new one though!! And I’m so so sorry I know I shouldn’t stand on your doorstep because like anyone could pass by, which is why I’ve only been stopping by at night, but I think Pearl almost saw me the other night so I’ll be more careful.

Sorry again!!

S

P.S. Sorry I’m standing on your doorstep but I was just wondering why you haven’t done any interviews?? You’ve been back for while now and people are going to worry… just checking to make sure you’re okay! Getting kidnapped can kind of take it out of you for a while :/

~

Sorry you haven’t said anything I just wanted to let you know that I tried out the delivery thing!! It worked really well actually I didn’t have to sign for it or anything just came right up to my doorstep. A lot of the stuff wasn’t what I ordered and the jam I wanted had shattered but it worked and it was way less stressful than usual so you’re the best for telling me how to do it thanks so much!

S

P.S. sorry sorry sorry but you don’t have to write me back if you don’t want to, I just wanted to check that you’re doing okay! Have a good week :) 

~

If they sent you the wrong items, you should get a refund.

Thank you. I don’t plan on any public appearances until I don’t panic when I go outside for the time being. I am recovering well.

-M

~

Okay you didn’t say to stop writing but it was good to hear from you! I felt really bad that I couldn’t help you more that night so I just worry. I’ve been thinking lately though that you probably don’t want to hear from me though so I can stop.

I do need to say something first, though. I mentioned it when you were at my at that apartment with me, but I don’t know how much you remember from then or anything. But basically I’m so so sorry about everything. Like literally everything. I’ve never forgiven myself for Aeor and I don’t expect you to, either, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. If I could change everything I would. Believe me I would. I’ve hurt too many people. It would be better if I didn’t exist. I don’t deserve to I’ve hurt I should just start a new note at this point, haha. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I understand if you don’t want me to write any more notes. I’ll stop. I hope you’re doing well and you continue to recover!

S

P.S. last time I got kidnapped I was really scared of going back to my apartment so I moved and I felt better, so maybe you need a bit of time out of the city to help you get tip-top :)

~

Thank you for the apology.

And my therapist thinks that might be an unhealthy way of coping, as much as I might agree with you that getting away sounds nice. I’m working through it.

You don’t have to stop writing.

-M

~

I AM SO SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE AT MY DOOR BEFORE I WALKED OUT LET’S NEVER TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN

Anyways wow you have a therapist that’s good!! My advice isn’t really good haha sorry. I actually did therapy for a little when I was in school but then everything went really bad with my powers and but then things didn’t work out. I don’t know why I crossed that out. Basically I was in therapy to try and learn how to control my powers and well we know how that ended up.

Quick question maybe I haven’t paid enough attention to you on tv but are your eyes naturally that blue? Because it’s really blue.

S

~

This is my natural eye color.

I didn’t know that there was a therapy program for children who struggle to control their powers. You said it didn’t help, though. I’m glad that you were able to figure it out without professional help.

You were kidnapped before. Does it get any easier? I’m sorry to hear that.

-M

~

Oh so about the therapy thing yeah my powers came when I was like 15 and that’s usually a little old for that therapy but they made a special exception. But no it didn’t work. Actually my parents were planning to send me away to a specialist where I could get the help I needed but it never ended up happening. So I just never learned how to control them.

On a related note a giraffe ate my new phone but I tried out the delivery thing again before that! I kind of expect to get the wrong things because of my powers haha so I’m not going to complain about my ten bottles of ketchup. But my jam did shatter again so I have to decide if it’s worth the anxiety of going to the store.

The first time I got kidnapped, I was really scared. I didn’t know what was happening. They wanted information, I think? I was panicking really bad because they kept pointing guns at my head. I got out pretty quick but it was bad for a long time. I didn’t want to leave my apartment. I mean I never do, really, but it was even worse.

I don’t know when I moved on. I think my sink broke and I was forced to leave the house, but moving isn’t the same as moving on, you know? Like you can run anywhere but it’s usually just running away. You have to face it.

S

~

Thanks for the advice. I really liked that last thing you said.

I don’t want to face them, though. I know I have to, but what if they take me again?

I’m sorry. These are my problems, not yours.

-M

~

Oh gosh I didn’t mean you have to face Xornoth!! No that sounds bad! They literally kidnapped and tortured you for like a month dude! Honestly forget what I said about the whole running away thing, you should really try to get away from this situation if you can. You shouldn’t feel responsible for Xornoth when they hurt you like that, let someone else deal with that! There are tons of supers in the city, just tell one of your friends that you don’t want to be involved with Xornoth and they’ll take care of it!

S

~

I’m the Primary Protector, though. It’s my job to face the city’s greatest threats, and Xornoth is one of them. I should be able to handle them.

I don’t want my friends to see me any differently. They already give me weird looks. I honestly wasn’t very badly hurt—I was mostly malnourished. They don’t understand why I’m not back in the game yet. I don’t know how to tell them.

I wish I could leave.

-M

~

:(( it sounds like you’re really struggling. Do you think you might have PTSD? You don’t have to answer that. But you should take your time! If it was anyone else, I think they’d have moved very far away to get away from the danger which is smart. It’s actually really upsetting that you can’t. Maybe you can work out like a code with your friends so that they can come in and handle Xornoth if they show up while you’re working? Honestly just the fact that they were able to kidnap you once means that there should be extra protection for you. Heck maybe I can do something.

If you need anything though I’m here. I don’t get it exactly but I kind of know what it’s like. I mean yeah I’ve been kidnapped before a couple of times but I know what it’s like to not want to go outside in general. To be scared of what could happen. Well you have other friends but I’m here to help if I can. I don't make promises ever because they never work out for me but I'm here.

S

~

Thank you for the offer. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, actually. I’m also readjusting to my antidepressants still, so my therapist thinks some of my anxieties come from the meds change and will even out in time.

I think I’ll do a public interview soon. I don’t want them to think that they’ve scared me away.

They’re dangerous. Please don’t endanger yourself. They experimented on me They might try to It isn’t worth the risk.

-M

~

The craziest fight happened downtown!

Okay so I was really just trying to get to the Planet Fitness to take a shower (I’m not homeless haha my shower is broken again) but Mythics was battling Pearl downtown and it was WILD. Like they were not pulling any punches, and I thought they were kind of friendly rivals but this was just crazy! But then the Oracle got involved? So the fight just kind of stopped when he touched them and then he left. I thought the Oracle was a villain but that was vigilante behavior if you ask me. I get it though, if I could’ve done that I would’ve. Like maybe he just needed to take a shower too.

Anyways my powers decided to make everything ten times worse like usual so a giant worm burst out of the ground. Maybe I should have let the Oracle touch me too so that I could join Mythics and Pearl on the ground crying. They’re fine btw some civilians dragged them out of the way of the worm. I was too busy trying to figure out a way to deal with the worm. I think Mythics woke up and magicked it into one of his portal things.

But anyways it was crazy. Well you probably already saw it on the news or something.

I hope the interview goes well!! How does that even work? Like does somebody come to your house or do you go to the news station or what? I'm assuming you've done a couple of interviews before idk.

S

~

I saw about the attack. You should look up ‘tired man throws phone at giant worm video’ if you haven't seen it.

For the interview, I reach out to a news outlet and set up an interview (or, more often, they reach out to me). Then we usually meet in a nice room in their office. I've done tons of interviews, you can find them on my twitter or on youtube.

I'm nervous about the interview. I tried to get a reporter I like but I just know that they'll ask me why I've been away. I don't want them to think I'm weak. It isn't your problem, anyways. I'll talk about it with my therapist.

Really though, you should watch that video.

-M

~

NOOO THAT'S SO BAD THAT SHOULD BE A CRIME

In my defense I was really tired and I just threw whatever was in my hand at the worm, I didn't realize it was my phone.

I've never given an interview before but man that sounds stressful. I hope it goes well! I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention me in it of course but you know that. Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Also if it helps at all taking time off definitely doesn't make you weak. Sometimes it's even stronger to admit you need a break than to keep powering through. Especially after being held captive and tortured for a month.

Good luck again!!

S

P.S. your cat is super cute but maybe she shouldn't be outside? It's really dangerous for cats to live outdoors and I don't want to accidentally hurt her :((

~

Thanks for the kind words.

I can send you the link to the interview if you tell me your phone number. Or I can dm it to you on twitter—is the verified account actually you? The one that mostly shares scam links and random ip addresses?

Also I'm working on leash training Elle, so that we can go on walks and she can be an inside cat.

-M

~

I've tried to write this note like fifty times but the paper keeps tearing so I'll keep it short. My phone number changes a lot and I currently don't have a phone (giraffe again) but I'll just look it up when I get one! And yep that's my twitter, I try to delete the old pictures of me it posts but I gave up on when it posts my location.

Good luck again!

S

~

Why don’t you delete twitter?

-M

~

I did :( 

S

~

Solidarity, your life kind of sucks.

-M

~

You’ve got no room to talk, mister.

S

~

So that’s what it is, isn’t it? We’re just two losers.

-M

P.S. but, for the record, your life is way worse than mine.

~

Okay I’ve got a new phone and I watched the interview! You did incredible, I think I would’ve run away like two seconds in. Like even when they asked that one question about why you weren’t back to work when you’re pretty much physically all right, you really kept it together. I was genuinely so impressed.

Also you’re looking good! I don’t know how to explain it haha, but you look a lot better than you did on my living room floor. How are you doing? Do you think it went well?

S

~

I’d look a lot better in your bed Thanks for watching. It was hard. It was really hard. But I think it helped. I feel kind of better about getting back into it all. Not yet, but maybe soon.

Do you ever wish you’d chosen a different path in life?

-M

~

I never really had a choice to make.

S

P.S. but if I wasn’t powered, I think I’d want to do something with my hands. I used to think subways were the coolest thing ever. I wouldn’t mind learning how to fix a subway car.

~

I studied to be an architect. I loved city architecture. I wanted to design skyscrapers.

I didn’t ever plan to be a hero full-time, but I do like it. I enjoy my job. I’m famous, I live comfortably, I do cool stuff on TV.

But what if I would’ve been happier as an architect?

Sorry, this isn’t your problem. I should talk to my therapist about it.

-M

P.S. Maybe you can take a community college mechanics course?

~

I really can’t, cars tend to break down around me. I don’t even take Ubers anymore (not related to the car breaking-down thing, but because last time the driver held me at gunpoint and stole my phone and wallet).

Honestly mate, if you want to be an architect I'd say go for it. Even if it's only something you can do on the side you know? There's tons of people who never got the chance to do what they love. You deserve a good life.

S

~

Thanks. I'm sorry that you never got to choose. You deserve a good life, too.

I can't let Xornoth win. If I run away, it's defeat. If I don't do anything about it, they might hurt someone else.

I need to take care of this myself.

-M

~

That sounds like a suicide note.

S

~

Wouldn't be the first time.

-M

~

You should ask your friends for help. You don't have to do this alone. You shouldn't face them alone.

S

~

I haven't really talked to anyone since I got back. I know it isn't healthy but I can't. They don't get it. They don't know what Xornoth did to me. I can't let it happen to anyone else. They're a danger to the city and it's my duty to take them down. Alone.

I'm sorry.

-M

~

You aren't alone, okay? If you have no one else, you have me.

S

~

Thank you.

-M

P.S. it means so much to me. I consider you a friend. You have me, too.

~

I saw you on the news fighting the Engineers. You looked good! The fight went really well. How do you feel about it? Is there anything I can do to like support you?

S

P.S. Elle won't stop begging me for belly rubs but each time I try she nips my fingers :(

~

Hey are you doing all right? I mean you took a little bit of a hit in that fight so it's okay if you can't make it to my apartment to drop off a note haha. You can email me if it's easier awsumwingback8@yahoo.com.

S

~

Major please just like let me know that you're okay.

S

~

I may have broken into Blossom’s house (I meant to just knock but the door fell down) and she kicked my butt but she hasn't seen you in a while, she said. Are you okay? I'll break into your house next haha.

S

~

I know you told me not to write notes while I'm on your doorstep but if you don't open the door by tomorrow night I'm breaking in. Elle keeps trying to get me to follow her inside. I'm going to watch your house until tomorrow night, okay? You don't have to write back, just open the door.

I'll come for you.

S

P.S. I didn't mean to sound weird or creepy I mean I have your back. I'll come save you if they got you. 

I promise.

[ladysomething]

could we get a lestappen snippet please

this is worded so vaguely that I'm using the opportunity to hard launch a fic that I've been crazily writing for three days and that I'll be posting in the next 24-48 hours.

my apologies in advance to people not in the server, because this is going to seem insane.

Max is lying on his stomach on his lounge, face pressed into the cushions, trying to tempt Sassy over with treats, when there’s a fierce banging on the door. 

The noise scares off Sassy, and makes Max jump in fright, rising up onto his knees to look over the back of the lounge towards his door, wondering who it could possibly be at the door. 

There’s another knock, even louder than the last, and then his phone starts to ring. 

Max looks down to his coffee table, see’s Charles’ face, and swipes it off the table. 

“Hey,” Max greets, lifting himself off the lounge to start to walk towards the door. “What’s up? There’s someone at my door, so I can’t talk—” 

“Yes, I’m at your door,” Charles says, a little breathlessly. “Open it. I need to talk to you.” 

Max blinks at the back of his closed door, then opens it up, dropping his hand to end the call as Charles storms inside. 

“Thank God you’re home,” Charles says, sounding completely relieved. “I need to talk to you.” 

“You mentioned,” Max says, closing his door and following Charles slowly. “What’s wrong?” 

“Do you know what fanfiction is?” 

Max blinks. “Yeah?” 

“Oh, good,” Charles says, even more relieved. “Do you know people write about celebrities?” 

Max rolls his eyes. “I’ve been briefed by PR, yeah.” 

Charles flops down on the lounge, Sassy and Jimmy long gone, and props his feet up on the coffee table. Max rolls his eyes again, then sits down next to him. He and Charles are friends, closer now that they’ve ever been before, but he’s never really witnessed Charles having a PR-related meltdown before. They’re not that close. 

Oh, well. A first time for everything, he supposes. 

“Great!” Charles says cheerily, then unlocks his phone and shoves it in Max’s face. “Do you also know that we’re ranked second on Archive of Our Own?” 

Max can’t say he actually knows what Archive of Our Own is at all, let alone what we’re or ranked second means. 

He takes Charles’ phone from his hand carefully, holding it a little further away from his face so the screen isn’t blurry, and then see’s a little grey menu tab with a variety of drivers listed in pairing. 

What Charles said starts to make sense, because he can clearly see Max Verstappen/Daniel Riccardio (3897) ranked right above Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc (3453). 

“Okay?” Max says, perplexed. “And?” 

Charles stares at him like he’s crazy, which is pretty much how Max feels right now. 

“And? Max, we’re second. We’re losers.” 

“Actually, I’m first and second. I’m a winner, twice.” 

“Max, this is serious!” Charles snaps, then snatches his phone back. “I can’t be a loser. I can’t.” 

Max has genuinely no idea why that’s his problem, or why Charles is trying to make it his problem. He really doesn’t think they’re close enough friends to try and help Charles through this—he’s not sure he knows Charles well enough to be well-equipped enough for it. 

“A loser at what?” Max asks, trying to be patient. Maybe if he realises the problem, he can help Charles by calling Pierre or something. 

“At fanfiction!” 

Max sighs deeply. “So you want us to be number one on this website? Why?” 

“Because—I—can—not—lose,” Charles says slowly, carefully, staring deeply in Max’s eyes while he does it. “You don’t want to lose either, do you, Max?” 

“Right, but I am first.” 

“With Daniel.” 

“Charles, I really—” 

“You barely even talk to him anymore!” Charles presses, resting his hands against the cushion between them to lean closer. Max leans backwards, a little terrified of the crazy look in his eye. “And what if he loses his seat? Then you’ll be number one, but with someone who’s not even a driver. That’s loser behaviour, Max.” 

“Oh my god,” Max murmurs, eyes wide. “You’re crazy.”

[dragon-ascent]

if you find a lot of likes, i’m simply going through and liking everything.

your writing is what i want to be—your writing style is simply better than what i had first thought! the way you write zhongli is utterly fantastic and beautiful! it’s so cute and i actually cannot get enough of it!

do you have any writing tips? even if it’s one small thing because i’m also trying to write better and definitely want to hear some ideas. i’m not a fandom writer but understanding a character’s personality is somewhat difficult although interesting to understand. i usually write about my own characters so basically long story short, how do you perceive a character’s personality and characteristics overall?

i genuinely cannot wait for what you have in store but all in all, you’re amazing and don’t stop what you’re doing for a second!

٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ — yumi

No worries about all the likes, you’re good! ★

That’s such a sweet compliment awww I’m so glad you like my writing style for Zhongli!! I’ve been writing since I was 8 and experimenting with numerous styles, and I find this one best for Zhongli! I’ll write lots more, don’t worry~

Hmm, as for writing tips…I’d say keep reading, try a variety of authors and understand how whimsical or creative they are in dialogues, descriptions, and such. As for characters in particular, observe the way they speak, their mannerisms, and also how their past shapes them, especially for history-rich characters like Zhongli. I’d also recommend to pay closer attention to canon than fanon since characters are prone to being mischaracterised a LOT >_<

And for original characters, I’d suggest trying to have conversations with them, in your mind? Picture how they’d react to certain things, the kind of wording they’d use, and so on. As someone who’s made many OCs for stories on another website, that’s what I did!

That’s all I have for now but I hope this helped! And thank you again!! ♪(´ε｀ )

[gravedigginbbydoll]

FELIZ AÑO NUEVO MIS AMORES

This year has been insane for me. I started writing on this app, met some amazing people, formed amazing friendships, got accepted to grad school, got married, and much more.

I’ve struggled a LOT this year with family and irl friendships and depression, along with imposter syndrome and anxiety over what the rest of my life will look like…

But through it, I found this website and so many stories, I got back into my passion for writing… hell working on fanfiction and some of y’all’s own writing inspired me to start an original romance novel ! (It’s very shoddy but I still love it)

I’m so grateful for so many of you but I have to call out of a few of you…bc Jesus Christ id lose my head without y’all.

@eddies-house for always talking to me, understanding me SO DEEPLY, and rambling with me over headcanons. You’re one of the most beautiful, sweetest, big hearted, and creative people I know. Also your imagination and headcanons never fail to get me feeling so emotionalllll. You deserve the world and I hope this new year brings you that and more.

@xxhellfirebunnyxx for always talking to me and listening, fangirling with me, and embracing the cringe. You’re so gorgeous and hilarious, and your smut writing is beyond words. You’re an insanely awesome person and mom (literally how do you do it?!?).You consistently have me dying of laughter as well as giggling and kicking my feet at your smut. The new year better treat you right or I’m kicking its ass.

@cryingglightningg we mostly just recently started talking but I really love our conversations and your wit and outlook on things. I always find our conversations interesting and you’re such a supportive person. I really hope we continue to talk and everything, and I hope the new year is kind to you.

@ghost-proofbaby wellllll I’ll be honest… I was a huge fan of you before we spoke, I obsessed over 24 hours and then The Shire is Burning. You inspired me to actually start writing on here ! And you’ve been nothing but kind AND hilarious every time we speak. I can’t thank you enough for helping me re realize my love for writing. <3 may you have the most wonderful new year.

Some honorable mentions (we may not talk often or at all but I wish you all the best and you’re all literally so amazing and talented): @hellfire--cult @munsonology @reidsbtch @spookykoolkat @eddiesxangel @chrrymunson @bettyfrommars @babygorewhore @lokis-army-77 @trashmouth-richie @blueywrites @storiesbyrhi

And many more (if I haven’t included you, please know this also goes out to every mutual, every person who reads my writing, and everyone who follows me and anyone who may stumble upon this post, I just am super bad at names and I don’t want to drag this on too long): have an amazing new year and an incredible night! You’re all so wonderful and sweet and I can’t imagine life without this fandom and community!

[lovesosweeet]

KNOW IT ALL x THE BAND CAMINO

part 1

a calum hood songfic

Tillie Beckett isn’t known for sticking around, and maybe that’s why touring had come so naturally to her, even as an amateur when she first began as an opener for 5 Seconds of Summer a few years ago… hopping from city to city, bed to bed, hookup to hookup. She broke hearts and left messes behind. And she didn’t care about it all, too wrapped up in whatever whirlwind she found herself in next.

The habits became religion as she propelled to stardom. Her music — angsty, energetic, unapologetic, and unpolished — took the charts by storm following her self-titled album’s debut. Her words were raw and honest, and they resonated with her audience, with upbeat and electric sounds that even the grouchiest and grumpiest of listeners couldn’t help but nod along to. It was the perfect mix of relatable and catchy, and that’s what made her the perfect opener for 5SOS.

Ashton had found Tillie’s videos on Instagram, where she often teased her emotional and early versions of songs she was writing. Her raspy voice caught his attention quickly, and he became a follower very early on, before she’d gone viral… which, she has done several times now. When 5SOS was prepping their latest tour, he threw Tillie’s name out as his top choice as an opener, and the rest of the band quickly supported it after they watched her cover of their very own, very old song “Lost Boy” and put a fresh spin on it. It was a song that the band themselves had honestly forgotten about that she gave an entirely new life. They were hooked and called her just hours after Ashton’s initial suggestion to offer her the spot.

Her friendship with the Australian quartet was forged in what, at the time, seemed to be an unbreakable bond. She was invited to dinner at Luke’s house to review the plans, the money, and all the other logistics of the tour, but the nitty gritty was long forgotten as the five of them stayed up until the sun rose the next day, just talking, jamming, drinking, and smoking the stars out of the sky.

She and Calum weren’t instant friends, at least, not the way she was with Michael. Tillie and Michael had bonded instantly over being gamers with an affinity for ever changing hair colors. He could also dress in her wardrobe and no one would’ve been able to guess that they weren’t his clothes, that is, if her clothes were big enough to fit the 6-foot-something Australian giant, since she was a mere 5 feet tall.

But, her friendship with Michael isn’t what landed her on the cover of tabloids.

No, the pictures of hers and Calum’s necks covered in matching bruises were what landed on the homepages of gossip websites. The videos of her and Calum whispering in what they thought were private corners of dive bars spread like wildfire amongst their somewhat overlapping fan bases. Them stumbling down the cobblestoned sidewalks of Montreal, hand in hand, for an impromptu “bachelor party” for Michael littered their tagged photos on Instagram for weeks.

It was a pair nobody expected but nobody questioned. It wasn’t predictable but it made sense.

At least, it did to Calum.

part 2

my masterlist! :)

—

A/N: hi i’m actually quite stoked about this one?!?!! sorry to anyone who wanted a self insert i personally feel more comfy in the OC x RP world and that technically won my poll! feels easier to separate as fiction/“characters” :)

[blackdragon-selfships]

With Season 5 of TDP now out…I want to share my findings (the last one was found by a friend) with proof that Aaravos is meant to be “complicated”, not “evil” Still a long-game villain, but not evil like Zubeia claims and that the heroes believe and like the show seems to be ignoring or forgetting isn’t the case…until the final episode maybe.

In order of which these interviews and tweets were found:

If this ends up not being the case in season 6 or even the final season…well, this is my evidence for why I hoped otherwise. Multiple times in interviews Aaravos was called complicated and/or something positive by one or both of the creators. So, it’s what I hope and expect to see in season 6 or something.

Bonus:

Someone very important to him is mentioned to be on the map of one of the novel versions of the seasons. This at least shows he actually might not be a boring “looks down his nose at others no matter how they treat him first” and apathetic kind of villain…

No matter what the show does to either scrap these decisions or redo them, I am going to continue to write him how they described here in my work. Except not as a villain because he isn’t in a situation that he would have that role on this blog.

How I write him: A complicated person with a very complicated history and motivation, and someone that is not truly evil or heartless as he’s been said to be by people in his world. That’s the angle of this blog and if you don’t like it, this is the warning and invitation to move on.

—

Sources:

Weirdly enough the interviews and QnA’s from the first three screenshots are missing. Probably taken down either by request of the show (no proof so I’m just speculating) or they took it down for other reasons maybe. But here is the link to the second Forbes article, which includes a video version of the full interview:

View it before it’s gone if you’re a fellow TDP fan that watched up to season 4 because you wanted to see what the co-creator meant by ‘complicated, not evil’ and ‘matter of perspective’

Maybe season 6 will finally give us the full story, being the season named “Star” after that arcanum…but I’m getting tired of being led on like this. I would guess a lot of you are too.

At least the one episode he was in (the last episode), he was his usual self. Still sassy and teasing, with an ominous undertone given the situation and everything.

EDIT: I found the other interview I was going to link, the one with the title “Aaravos is more ‘complicated’ in season 3 than you think”. It was by a different website than I thought, that being Inverse and not Forbes.

I reblogged this post with the link if anyone wants to read the full article.

[chellestrash]

Private Matters

Chapter I (18+)

Cam Boy! Frank Castle x Female Reader

Story summary: After stumbling upon a cam website one night you quickly discover your favorite streamer. Unable to get the thoughts and images of him out of your mind you decide to become a supporter and the two of you grow closer to each other over time. Things get complicated when your close friend, neighbor and crush decides to express his feelings for you.

Chapter summary: Deciding on a bit of self care you find yourself entertained by a solo play livestream of a man, who later refuses to leave your mind. Next day after work you decide to find him again.

Chapter Warnings: Explicit language, explicit sexual content, solo play,  teasing.

Word count: 3.3k

A/N: Okay first chapter is here! I’ll hopefully be able to update this story pretty frequently, at least i’ll do my best. I’m not the greatest at summaries so please don’t let that discourage you, i promise it’ll be a lot more interesting than that! I don’t know if anyone will read this but if you do, let me know your thoughts! thank you and enjoy! Thank you my sweet @chelseasdagger for all the help with everything, the proofreading and making me actually sit down and write this.

You stand behind the counter at the bar, your eyes following the last couple of people who slowly make their way towards the main door of the bar. You give a small wave and a smile to the few regulars who'd usually leave the bar around this hour, before finally nodding at one of your coworkers, gesturing for  them to close the door.

You finish up pretty quickly, with no customers to bother or interrupt you, you’re able to leave the place not long after the closing. Not wanting to waste any more of your time off, you make your way straight back to your building. Climbing up the stairs, you bump into one of your neighbors, one of the guys who often spent time down at the bar, one of the regulars.

“Long night?”

Frank’s voice bounces off the walls of the hall, and you give him a small, tired smile.

“Mhm.”

You confirm with a little nod.

“Even longer day.”

He nods, the soft expression on his face makes you feel understood.

“You’re gonna get some rest then?”

He asks, turning the key in the lock of his apartment door before glancing over in your direction.

“As much as I can before work tomorrow, yeah.”

You sight softly with a quiet chuckle.

“Good, that’s good.”

You nod.

“Hey, I didn’t see you down at the bar with the guys today.”

“Oh, yeah, was…busy, had a thing y’know. Maybe tomorrow?”

He asks, leaning on the door with his arms crossed in front of his chest, and you take notice of the way the sleeves tighten around his biceps.

“Well, I’ll save you a spot.”

You smile sweetly and turn around to walk up the stairs leading to your own apartment.

“Right by the bar?”

He asks, leaning out to look up the stairs, not warning to let you out of his sight just yet.

“Right by the bar.”

You agree, glancing down to the floor below you.

“Night!”

Frank gives you a small wave and a quiet

“Night.”

before walking back.

Shutting the door to your apartment behind you, you let out a loud sigh, slowly feeling the events of the late night shift catching up with you.

You enjoyed working at the small family bar in New York City. The money was enough to support yourself, and you liked the atmosphere and people you got to meet in the, now, months you worked at the place so far.

The late night shifts were definitely a thing you felt yourself still getting used to, walking back to your place alone after a closing shit still left you feeling uneasy on some occasions.

You toss your bag onto the floor and quickly make your way over to the bathroom, taking your clothes off in the process.

You let yourself relax under the hot water, taking your time to wash off the stress and all the thoughts you brought back home with you. The hot water works wonders for your tense muscles and anxious mind as you slowly slip into that “I get to relax and rest now” state of mind. Stepping out of the shower after a long while, you sigh gently and grab a towel before wrapping it around your body. Another one wrapped around your hair before you make your way out of the bathroom and into your room.

Sitting down at your desk chair, you grab your phone to quickly check the couple messages from your work friends. Politely declining their offer to go out tonight, you toss your phone to the side before sitting back on the chair and letting your eyes close for a second. No plans for the night means more time for yourself, more time for yourself means…

You push your legs together slightly, feeling the cool breeze of the night air slowly filling up the room. Making your way over to the window, you feel the towel slipping down your body before managing to catch it at the last second, right in front of your bedroom window. The cold air feels so gentle and fresh on your nude body, you don't bother covering it up with the towel anymore. You lazily hold the fabric up to your chest, watching the city behind the glass. The street below you is not necessarily busy, not at this hour, not in this part of the town. But it’s New York. A couple of people and cars pass by, and you smirk softly, feeling your legs instinctively pushing together again as your mind wanders into all the places it shouldn't.

You quickly turn around, throwing the towel around yourself as you sit back down in the chair before garbing your phone again. You attempt to scroll away, the familiar feeling slowly letting itself known between your legs. You felt it over by the window, you felt it as you undressed to step into the shower, and you felt it as you sat down at the desk right now. With a loud sigh, you drag your hand down your face and think it through for a second.

“Alright.”

You mumble before quickly typing out the name of a familiar website into the search bar. Scrolling down through the many clips and videos, you stumble upon the livestreams. You’ve watched some before, it wasn’t really anything new, and it wasn’t usually your first choice, but you think it can't really hurt, right? You quickly pick out one of the videos at random, clicking on the little thumbnail. The guy in frame has the camera mounted in a way that doesn’t show his face. The shot starts below his jaw and ends right below his knees, the username in the top right corner reads “Big Bad Punisher”.

You roll your eyes at the three words but decide to give him a chance watching the way his hand moves up and down the length of his cock. He’s clearly taking his time with it, the movements being slow and steady. His groggy grunts emphasizing how pleasant the whole thing is for him. Your eyes glance around the screen, focusing on his big thighs for a moment, unable to decide if you're thinking more about the way they’re spread open in front of the camera or the way they take up literally 3/4 of the shot. The vein on his arm pops out slightly when he squeezes his cock harder right under the head. He grunts, and you instinctively glance over your shoulder before turning the volume up slightly.

“Jesus…”

You whisper when his cock twitches slightly on the screen. You glance away for a second, feeling your legs pressing together again, before locking your eyes on the screen again. It’s clearly working, you can tell by the way your body is reacting, you know if you wanted to go right now it honestly probably wouldn't take too long to get yourself off. But there's still that weird and annoying guilt at the back of your head. You can’t really help it, this whole thing feels a little bit off to you, as much as you wish it just didn't. But it's alright, it’s not really anything special. It’s not like it’s something you haven't seen before. You'll be alright on your own. You hover over the X for a moment, caught off guard by the way the guy slides down a bit lower on the couch, pushing his hips apart some more.

“God.”

You shake your head the moment you make your decision, but as you're about to click off the livestream, your attention shifts to the paid alert popping up at the top of the screen. And before your mind can process the words, the guy's voice rings out in your ears.

“God, I need that cock so fucking bad. I’m so close now.”

He reads the words out loud, following them up with a deep, loud chuckle, and you feel your hand flying up to your mouth and your legs crossing over. You freeze, waiting to hear his response, hoping you’d get to hear his voice again.

“Do you now, huh?”

He teases, his hand stopping for a moment before he rubs his thumb around the very tip of his cock.

“You’re gonna come with me, sweetheart?”

You feel your stomach crumple up into a little ball, your eyes open wide before you shut your laptop closed, probably the fastest you've ever done that before. The little “sweetheart.” bounces around your brain like a goddamn pop song for the rest of the night, and you swear to god you could hear it whispered in your dream throughout the night.

The next day, you somehow manage to make yourself leave for work. The day is slow, the earlier shifts usually are. It’s not like you have a lot to distract yourself with over the hours, and it doesn't help with your mind wandering back to the words you heard over your laptop speakers yesterday. You catch yourself zoning out here and there, just stopping in the middle of cleaning the glasses, chopping lemons or getting the ice. The voice is still stuck at the back of your head, the images flashing before your eyes from time to time. The way his big hand wrapped around his cock tightly, the way his legs spread open even more after a bit or the way his grip tightened right under his h-

“Hey.”

You shake your head and blink a couple of times. Frank’s voice brings you back into the boring reality, and you smile, a little confused still.

“You okay?”

He ask quietly, squinting as he tilts his head to the side slightly.

“What?”

You ask but continue before he can answer.

“Oh, yeah! Yeah, just…tired, you know, and a little distracted.”

You breathe out a little laugh, finding it a little funny how hard it is for you to focus on your work today.

“Distracted?”

You nod, catching yourself laughing a little harder, and Frank smiles softly at the sound.

“Long story.”

You try to dismiss it, focusing your attention on the men in front of you now as best as you could.

“Alright.”

You rest your arms on your hips.

“The usual?”

Frank nods, glancing around the bar.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You spent the rest of the day attempting to focus on your chores some more. Running around behind the bar, you find it a bit more difficult to get distracted as the place fills up over time. You're quite thankful for the afternoon rush, as it successfully shoves the distracting thoughts to the back of your head, making it significantly easier to not focus and not get slightly turned on every five to ten minutes like earlier in the day. You finish up your shift eventually, and after grabbing your things from the staff room in the back, you push through the crowd of people gathering in the main space. You make your way over to the door, catching Frank following you with his gaze in the corner of your eye. You turn around quickly and wave, he waves back with a nod, a silent “see you later”, before you push the glass door open and leave the building.

It doesn’t take long from the time you close your apartment door behind you to the moment you sit down at your desk again. Staring down at the laptop in front of you, you let out a quiet sigh. Now that work is over, your brain and your body relax again, the morning thoughts and images from yesterday slowly make their way back to your head. The more you think about it, the more you can feel the familiar sensation between your legs. Biting into your lip, you think about it for another moment before giving up on trying to fight yourself on it.

“This is so dumb.”

You mumble to yourself, opening up the laptop, your mind already made up. Pulling up the site again, you quickly start scrolling down through the many thumbnails in hopes of noticing the familiar background. Minutes go by and, unable to find what you’re looking for, you feel yourself growing more and more frustrated with the whole thing.

“Fucking stupid.”

You catch yourself whispering under your nose. Hiding your face in your hands, you let out a frustrated groan. It takes you another moment, but after a while you decide it's probably not even worth it. Pushing the disappointed feeling aside, you move the mouse to the corner of the screen, ready to close the tab, when suddenly it hits you. The username.

“Oh shit.”

You focus, trying to remember the stupid name the guy was using. Clicking on the search bar, you type out the three words “Big Bad Punisher”. You feel yourself cringe slightly as you hit the button and wait for the next site to load in. A profile pops up, and you hurry to open it. There’s no livestream, only a couple of clips that stay posted and a little schedule with the days and hours of the planned streams written out. The shot in the clips matches up with the shot of the livestream you watched yesterday, it's him.

You check the date on your phone…twice…just to make sure and then check the schedule. There's a stream planned for tonight. You didn't miss it, it was still supposed to happen.

“Alright.”

When the time finally comes, you grab your laptop and sit on your bed. Wearing a big shirt and your panties only, you quickly open the tab with his profile and join the stream only a bit after it initially started. The angle of the video is basically the same. The shot starts below his jaw, exposing his neck, the veins on it, then his chest, in a nicely fitting black t-shirt. Then the sweatpants, the shot cutting off a bit below his knees. Your eyes fall to the bulge in his pants, and you feel that slight bit of embarrassment creeping up in the back of your mind again.

It doesn’t last long. Not when your thoughts get interrupted by the now familiar sound of his voice.

“I’m already horny.”

He reads the most recent alert out loud, and the words hit you like a semi truck. He breathes out a little laugh, and you watch how his hand makes its way up his thigh and between his legs. Rubbing his cock over the fabric, he pushes his thighs apart slowly, and you shake your head.

“God damn it.”

Your voice is so quiet, it feels like you're trying to hide from people despite living alone.

“Yeah?”

He answers after a moment.

“Already, sweetheart, really?”

You close your eyes at the pet name, quickly shoving your headphones in before turning up the volume just in time to catch the grunt he lets out while cupping his bulge.

“All that for me?”

He teases the viewers again, and you curse him, yourself and the subscriber that sent the message in your head. He works himself over the fabric for a bit longer, rubbing over his cock with the heel of his palm. His deep, low grunts make your legs press together a little tighter. Another alert pops up on the screen, and he reads the message while pulling the sweatpants down. Expecting to see a pair of boxers, you feel your stomach do what feels like a backflip inside you the second his cock springs out from under the waistband.

“You said you needed more, that enough for you, sweetheart?”

He refers to a person who sent a message earlier, but it doesn't really matter as you catch the little whine slipping past your lips.

“Oh, fuck.”

You whisper, cupping yourself over your underwear.

He works his hand over the length of his cock again, he’s faster this time. Not as slow and steady as he was yesterday, but you don’t mind, especially not since he makes sure to follow up every down stroke with a grunt and a hip thrust.

You feel the blood rushing between your legs, and the faint touch over the fabric of your underwear quickly becomes simply not enough for your current needs. You feel your hips buck up slightly as he reads through the alerts one by one, your body responding every single time he uses the sweet pet name. Your heart speeds up, your chest moving faster and faster as you watch his movements speed up as well. You catch the way his cock twitches at one point, and you let yourself whine a little loud as you finally shove your hand under the waistband of your panties. He won. You work your fingers over your clit, spreading your legs open before slipping the panties halfway down your legs. Your muscles tense up when you hear his voice in your headphones again. Another donation, another alert. Your hand freezes as you wait for his response.

“You’re doing good, sweetheart, keep going.”

You close your eyes, your teeth sinking into your lower lip as you fight back another whine. When you open your eyes again, he's wrapping his fingers around himself tighter, stroking his cock now a little slower, squeezing right under the head just like he did yesterday. The small bead of precum forms at the slit on top of the now red head of his cock, and you catch a little

“Oh, fuck.”

That unintentionally slips past his lips.

You feel your hips pushing into your hand again and without thinking too much about it, you select a payment and hurry to type out a quick message.

“I’m so close.”

You hit send before you can think it through and watch as the alert pops up in the corner of the screen. He reads your message out loud, the sweet chuckle follows up your words, and he squeezes his cock harder one more time.

“Yeah? Me too, sweetheart, you wanna do it together? Hmm? Wanna try to come with me?”

He speeds up the tempo and so do you. The laptop resting on the bed, your eyes glued to the screen, your hands between your legs, and you do what you know will push you over the edge.

“Wait.”

Your eyes shoot open, and you stop your hand almost immediately.

“Did you stop? You waitin’ for me, sweetheart?”

You nod instinctively, your eyes glancing around the screen as you wait to hear him again.

“Good girl.”

He whispers the praise, and you swear you can feel your body shutting down at that moment. Clenching around nothing, you push your legs together with a frustrated grunt.

“Okay, c’mon let's make you feel good, huh?”

You know he’s addressing everyone, you know this isn't a one on one thing, and you know how stupid this might seem for some people, but at that moment you truly just don't care.

You wait for the guy to go back to working his cock, and you touch yourself when he does as well. Quickly building back up to the previous sensation, you speed up your moments, mimicking the man on the screen. Your breath gets more shallow, your mouth falls open, and your body tenses up as you feel yourself close to your orgasm with one more alert and his

“That's it, you can do it, baby.”

You push yourself over the edge almost at the exact time he does as well. The grunts ring out in your ears, and the cum spilling out of his cock makes sure to occupy your sense of sight as well. Your hips thrust up into your hand, a couple of moans roll off your tongue, and your center throbs for a good while after. You lay on your bed, eyes now closed, mouth slightly opened as you try to calm your breathing back down.

“Right, who wants to go ag-”

You shut your laptop closed, pulling the headphones out and quickly throwing everything on the floor. You push your fingers through your hair as the arousal and excitement drifts away slowly, and you're left alone with the thought of what just happened.

“What the fuck?”

Tags: @chelseasdagger

let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

[vacayisland]

Hiii! Not a request but a question, I hope that's alright!

Seeing your writing has made me pretty inspired and I've been wanting to do trolls fics of my own! I've been struggling a lot w some characters, though, especially Floyd

My question is how you figure out their personalities and way of speaking enough to write for them? Unlike the others, we don't really see much of Floyd outside of his brothers TwT so I'm just not sure how to get his character right, but I feel like you do him justice! Feel free not to answer btw!! Hope you're doing well ♡♡

I actually really love answering questions like that, or generally any writing-based question; as long as I help people get inspired to write or help them in their creative journey, that’s what I am here for after all!

So, personally, my way of writing tends to be a little different than other people’s (at least I think it is) but my way of researching characters tends to be the same. So I’m going to try and do some sort of justice of explaining this! Bear with me please and if you have any other questions just ask me.

With characters like Floyd, I tend to find him easier to do. Both because I focused a lot on him during the movie and when it first released, and because he has such little screen time. Of course that’s both a blessing and a curse, because not many will realize that Floyd has a slightly sarcastic way of humor (or at least I didn’t the first few times watching the movie).

Yet with any character you would want to research on them! And that’s a little easier written than done but this is what I did for JD (who was harder for me to grasp on):

When I first saw the movie, I thought JD was what he was first presented as. A rude bastard who didn’t know when his family was upset and pushed them to do things anyways. And while he’s a little bit of that he’s actually a lot more.

Unlike Floyd, JD gets a bunch of screen time that writers should take advantage of! If the background, if you watch JD, you can see the little things that make him not fully a jerk. Such as the upset look he gets whenever a brother goes to Branch first instead of him, and yet how he tries to act like it didn’t bother him. Showing no matter how much of a hard ass he was he does actually are about his brothers in his own weird way.

I also looked upon different sites and saw what they described his personality as. Then I watched the movie, picked what I thought to be true, and honestly that’s what I go on. It’s kind of always changing because no matter how ‘cannon’ you’re trying to write a character there should always be a little self influence of you in them.

Not saying to completely derail a character and make them not cannon, but have fun with it. Take aspects of their character as you wish and just keep practicing and rewriting lines until you feel like it’s correct.

But JD is always harder for me to do, so that’s why I want to do him more. The more practice the better.

For characters like Floyd, who have minimum screen time, I find easier because they don’t have a stricter personality box. From what we see in the movie, what I’ve gathered from websites and other writers (reader other people’s work! They might actually inspire how you write a character a lot), Floyd is sensitive yet witty. He’s smart and caring.

That’s our base line, four traits that are easy to write because they don’t have much to them. THEYRE just traits! Then we can take a few of Floyd’s voice lines to base how can mimic speaking like him; And he speaks a little like Branch but a little on the nicer tone to people he actually cares about.

I don’t know if that makes sense or if it actually helps at all, but it’s a weird process. It’s all about how do you make yourself most comfortable playing and writing the character. Do we much research as you need, take your time! There’s no rush to publish fan fictions, there’s no rush to do anything.

Remember to post only what you’re proud of and what you enjoy. Writing is a process that gets slightly easier the more you practice it, and sometimes it gets harder. But just enjoy it along the way and write only when it feels right. :)

But happy writing and please tag me in any post you publish! I’ll love to read your work.

[alwaysbelikethis]

Rosé x Fem!Reader

TW: Mention of S^icide. Please if you're sensitive do not read such stuff idk why i started writing with this... if you struggle pls contact with anyone or even me. Such stories of mentioned can trigger the person, beware.

Contains +18 content

(In)vincible

“Rosie”

“Rosie!! Wake up” whisper yelled i.

It was around 2-3 am and the sound woke one of the lovers with panic.

“Rosie!! Wake up! There’s a sound coming from downstairs!!”

“Ah..” “ that must be washing machine, i started it before..” rosie on the other hand having a hard time to wake up, or to care according to y/n.

“For god sake i- did you have to do that in the middle of the night? We have all day…”

Girl complained but only would echo into the room and get back to herself while her girlfriend already fall back to dream… what was the point?

You see, long time couples sometimes cannot stand each other. Sometimes everything is so still where you were expecting to be all fun and happy. Which is kind of true though. They are happy time to time and would scream to each other the other time.

Rosé is organized person, she’s structured and right on time with everything. She has already planned her next week meal. And y/n is more different and complicated than that. She wants to watch a movie right now and she would and you wouldn’t catch what’s her next move. You, me, bed now and bang bang bangity bang? No, Rosie cannot be active after dinner for 1 hour. Y/N has learnt to wait.

She has learnt a lot to fit in rosé’s life. She fit in just right that it’s her world that Y/N lives in it. Who was she before she moved in? Everything seems alright at some point but is it? Y/N went back to sleep wondering all the answers.

Next morning Y/N woke up like she was just born. Rosé already came back from her morning run and left the curtains full open for her girlfriend to have all the sun light of the morning. Vitamin D at it’s full potential, however Y/N is not.

“Did you have breakfast?”

She startled her girlfriend who was changing and didn’t know she woke up.

“Jeez… how long have you been awake?”

“Just enough to admire all the muscle show you put on” there, Y/N is smiling full even her eyes are not quite open.

“I had breakfast before i left, its actually almost my lunch time”

“You can join my brunch, my lady”

“You take hour to get up, i’ll probably catch you on your brunchinner”

“Is that supposed to be brunch and dinner mix?”

“I’m not good with words just.. you got it”

Y/N smiled and gave up having a meal with her girlfriend cuz she feels like she’s an affair between her girlfriend and her schedule. However rosé has no idea what those small things mean to her gf and she get things on her way.

Saturday and sunday had passed and monday morning Y/N left for work early. Rosie has all the time to clean places alone.

Bzzzz bzzzz (its supposed to be phone ringing)

“Yeah?..” “okay i’ll check it on the website itself” rosé grabbed your computer to mail files to Y/N because her irresponsible ass forgot.

Alright… google… search bar… search history.

‘Why my girlfriend is not the same?’

‘What can i do to make my gf happy?’

‘S***ide help support’

What?

Rosé stared at the screen for 5 min at least until Y/N called her again.

“Rosie can you please be quick this is urgent just send me already”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I- okay. I’ll send now”

Rosé has started to contemplate everything after the first shock. She never realised? But Y/N has been with her for years. They maybe don’t wake together and have breakfast together or dinner or make out or… did they being back to friends? What kind of relationship was that? How could she not tell rosé?? How could she- rosé went through all of it until another phone ring from you wake her up.

“Rosie im asking a favour what are you doing? I’m gonna get fired and i’m having all the panic for god sake its just a file! Please!!”

“I’m sending it now” Now rosé sounds so small that Y/N thought it was about her voice tone.

“Okay i got it thank you, look i’m sorry if it was harsh, i got panicked and all and you know my boss with this goddamn presentstion everytime like it’s-“

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Come home when you get off from work”

“Okay… are you really that hurt? Look i’m sor-“

“No it’s all okay, just, for dinner”

“Oh who are you and what did you do to my gf? Because i….“

Rosé is still shocked how Y/N is trying to be silly, funny, all laugh like she’s on holiday at clouds floating around lightly. Rosé cut it short and hung up the phone. She was actually dripping tears.

She cried good. How long has it been since they drifted apart this much? Was she neglecting her much? Was she in her world too much to see the girl sleeping next to her every night?

Questions took a new turn and it was rosé this time. For how long? ….

rosé realised it’s been 2 and a half hours since she was thinking everything and every detail. She decided to get up and plan a delightful night for Y/N. Her favourite food and quality time. They both could use that.

Then around afternoon, she heard the car engine coming from the front while she was staring at rhe blank. She got up immediately to welcome you at the door. She’s not sure what to do with all the overwhelming information she got today but she had one goal, to make you happy tonight. So she waited for Y/N to open the door and suprise her.

“Jeez!!!!! Rosie! What are you doing? Are you about to go out? You scared me”

“Gosh you scared me too, just wanted to suprise you and give a hug. I missed my gf!”

“Seriously what got into you?? Did you watch titanic again and got into your romantic era? It ain’t like you”

And rosé hugged her gf so tightly. She never realised how precious this small thing is.

“Woah baby, did something happen to you?”

“No… I just wanted to appriciate you. Get change and we’ll have dinner, okay?”

“Okay baby, thank you, this is so sweet of you! I’ll be right back. I love you!”

I love you.

I love you.

What was the last time they use that? What if something happened to her and would she remember the last time they actually appriciate this love? She has to shake herself, she can’t loose it all now. It’s ‘her’ night.

“Woah today you saved my life you know? Idk how did i forget my laptop at home. I’m getting old, babygirl”

Did she? Save her life? Cuz she faced the exact opposite fact today. She actually made rosé really happy but rosé blamed herself for not appriciating it.

They ate all the food and rosé listen Y/N talk about her day. And she listen to her appriciating rosé’s effort on tonight and how happy she makes her. She has to learn to return this love.

“I thought you were going out with that outfit, did you wear this for tonight only?” Rosé knows how to make Y/N crazy with skirt and high heel combination even though it’s silly to wear them around the house, she wanted Y/N to get in the mood

“Only for you, Y/N girl”

“You look, like you could kill 5 people from heart attack from directly looking at you”

Rosé took Y/N’s hand and pull her in closer. Lips on lips and its like the last day on earth. Hands on each other like it’s the first touch.

“Ah, okay sorry, we can stop here since we had just dinner and you plan your sex time according to that for some reason. You’re such a weir-“

“Get on my tigh.”

“Wha- like sit? We can get to the couch, i think survivor is playing tonight”

Gosh, how long they have been apart from each other for her to think anything but sex from rosé.

“Y/N shut up and take your underwear off and sit on my tigh.”

“I-“

“I’m waiting.”

Y/N has no idea what happened to her gf but she’s loving it. Rosé took the charge and take off her underwear. Y/N sits on rosé’s thigh which was between her legs. Rosé pushed her knee up to cause pressure on Y/N’s sweet spot.

“Ah… rosé…”

“Grind.”

“Wha-?”

Rosé is impatient and almost annoyed with her gf questioning everything so she grabbed her bum and make her. “Shit rosé i-“ then rosé didn’t give her chance to talk and put her fingers on her mouth. Finally when Y/N lost her sanity and grind by herself on rosé, other hand of her went to grab Y/N’s throat.

“Make a mess” the suction of her fingers turn into bites and that’s where rosé knows Y/N’s body is full of tension. She then released her body on rosé and she hold her. She hold her tight. “Sorry i kinda make a mess on your legs but i-“

“God sake Y/N because i told you so, you talk too much” she grabbed her like a baby and carried her to the bed. You see, rosé may seem like self-centered but she’s the most selfess with her gf. She just sometimes forget how to hold each other. Y/N, already passed out on bed, makes rosé stare at her long enough. She curled up next to her and cannot control her tears. Emotions are too overwhelming and she has not digested any of it. Where would she go to relieve all of it? Who she talk to? Confront Y/N? The night flies away with thoughts…

After days went by, Y/N woke up to the saturday morning with her girlfriends’ arm all around her. She has no idea why rosé cling into her all week out of nowhere. She’s not complaining but she cannot stop wondering why. Just a week ago, rosé seemed like she would avoid her at all cost. But today, they were truely invincible.

“Y/N?”

“Mhm?”

“Good morning”

“Morning love”

….

“I love you”

….

“I love you too”

You see, rosé couldn’t confront her mostly because she didn’t think she would able to handle it. Who can? Instead she tried to give her all. Everything. Although it didn’t take much to things get back to their abnormal normality.

“Rosé”

“Yes, love?”

“I’m off to work, take care okay?” She peck a kiss

“Okay love, you too!”

She was about to leave but she came back to rosé and give her a passionate kiss this time but rosé already turn back to take the ringing phone

“I love you”

Rosé nodded with her while greeting the person on the phone

And she left. Little did she know Y/N wasn’t off to work that day.

Y/N won’t be able to off to work any day, ever.

[viv-hollande]

As Promised, The Israel-Palestine Megapost of Doom

Content Warning: This post discusses both the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict and the current Israel-Gaza War. As such, it contains frank discussions of apartheid, war crimes, crimes against humanity, genocides both past and present, racism, antisemitism, colonialism, terrorism and more. As an additional tone warning, I guess: I am by nature a pretty flippant person. I’ve been criticized for that in the past, and probably will be again in the future. I don’t know if it's just who I am, or if maybe I need a therapist. I have tried to reign in some of my worse impulses, especially when talking about the actual events themselves, to try to give due respect to those affected. Nevertheless, if that kind of attitude offends or disturbs you, maybe sit this one out. 

This post is brought to you in its current form thanks to the generous actions of Dr. Henry Kissinger, whose untimely death many decades after it was deserved nevertheless brought me joy great enough to drag me out of angryposting mode and into hopefully more coherent essay-writing mode. So here is the partially revised, partially rewritten, and greatly expanded post that I promised. 

While I don’t have a cohesive thesis, I have written this with the intention of addressing/responding to the state of conversation around the Israel-Palestine conflict, and around the ongoing Israel-Gaza crisis. I am focusing substantially on the online discourse because it’s the only thing I have even a chance of changing. I’m a soon-to-no-longer-be-teenage college sophomore without a lot of disposable income. I’ve already called my Senators and House Rep. I really don’t have much influence beyond my power to try to persuade random internet users to be less bad. 

I’ve tried to restrain my tendency for purple prose, self-righteousness, and gratuitous moral judgements; you can be the judge of whether or not I succeeded. I know that I am definitely not an expert or authority on this topic, but neither is most anyone else on this fucking website. It didn’t stop them and it won’t stop me. 

But before that, some brief words on my previous post. Unlike my usual angryposting where I tend to regret everything I say and do while in the anger spiral, I can actually say that I stand by more or less everything I said in that post. I do have one correction and one clarification though. Clarification: the “Stealth Echoes” I am referring to are instances where the word Israel or Israeli are placed in quotation marks specifically. Example: As per a spokesperson of the “Israeli” Defense Forces, “Something something ceasefire violation.” Used as such, the “Stealth Echoes” around Israel or Israeli are used to signal belief in the illegitimacy of Israel. It’s literally just (((echoes))) revived. A few people thought I was talking about the use of quotes in quotation marks. Now, the correction: in my anger, I believe that I overstated the prevalence of the “Stealth Echoes”. I said 20-40%, which upon reflection was too high, brought on by seeing a long string of said posts in rapid succession. I would now say that the figure is closer to 5-10%, jumping up to 10-15% if you include instances of censoring Israeli like I*****i and the use of words like Isntreal. I feel that as a practical matter they are indistinguishable; they serve the same purpose. Whatever the number, it is too damn high and should not be going unchallenged. If you’re using them, stop. If you see someone else use them, either in a tweet or on Tumblr, don’t share them. 

That done, on with the post!

To start with, I want to establish some important concepts and ideas that I’m going to expand upon later so that you are aware and thinking about them going in. Some of these will seem pretty basic, but they are important. Trust me. 

Words mean things. Seriously. Words have meaning, both in isolation and as part of sentences. Many words have very specific meanings, and it is important to use them correctly. Incorrect usage of words deprives language of its utility and power. At certain points in this essay, you might think that I am being overly pedantic, but that specificity is important. 

Humans possess a strong drive to create narratives, especially out of history. This is normal; almost all humans do it. However, the tendency towards narrative creates a pitfall where the narrative begins to supplant the actual events in discussion and popular consciousness. Actual history is reshaped, often through omission or erasure, to fit the existing narrative. It is this narrative, not the actual history, that informs attitudes and debate. This is a problem for all history, but especially with a history as long, divisive, and deeply emotionally effective as the Israel-Palestine conflict. 

Pragmatism and idealism are broadly speaking two competing approaches towards making plans and decisions. Pragmatism is generally concerned with evaluating the state of reality and making decisions based on their objective practical effects. Though they are not necessarily incompatible, pragmatism possesses no inherent obligations to concepts like justice, morality, or good. Idealism, by contrast, is concerned with defining what the world should look like and aims to achieve that goal. This ideal world can theoretically be informed by anything, but is usually defined by morality. I generally believe that what is is more important than what should be. Whether in matters of politics, diplomacy, or war, it is better to evaluate the state of reality as best you can and tailor your goals to what is practically achievable rather than trying to force reality to conform to your idealized future. 

In general, I will try to avoid ascribing intent to any individual or action, except where I feel that concrete evidence of intent is publicly available. Astute readers may know where I am going with this. 

Rivers of ink have been spilled teasing apart the differences between Israelis, Jews, Zionists, Palestinians, Arabs, Muslims, and more, and between Palestine and Israel. This post is long enough without retreading all of that here. Nevertheless, I will do my best to use specific, accurate terminology where applicable. 

The past is not the present. There are many facets to this point, and they will come up fairly often. For now, just keep this in mind. 

With that over with, on to…

Anti-Colonialism & History

The Israel-Palestine conflict is usually characterized by the pro-Palestinian camp as an anti-colonialist struggle. In isolation, this is not a statement that I would disagree with. The modern history of Israel and Palestine is a history of colonialism, or near enough for government work. However, as I mentioned earlier, the actual history of Israel and Palestine has been reduced to a simplified narrative of righteous anti-colonialist struggle. That narrative erases the genuine complexity and nuance that is present in the Israel-Palestine conflict. I have not the time, patience, nor expertise to explain the 100+ year long history of this conflict; for a reasonably comprehensive, and as far as I know, accurate summation of the origins and course of the conflict, see this video. However, I do want to note some things that I see as important to the conflict or my arguments about it. 

The Jews, whether defined as a group ethnically or religiously, have a historical connection to the land of Israel, and thus possess a potentially (we’ll get to it) legitimate claim to the land; this is, in my opinion, an important intellectual and practical difference from other examples of colonialism.

The ideological motivation behind Zionism was and still is complex, but an important and undeniable part was a desire for a safe haven from antisemitism. Keep in mind, Zionism as an idea first began to spread in earnest in the latter half of the 19th century, during an aggressively antisemitic period in European history. France experienced a surge in the popularity of antisemitic, pro-Catholic revanchists, monarchists and proto-fascists after their defeat in the Franco-Prussian War; this would culminate in the Dreyfus Affair. The Catholic Church itself was a powerful institutional advocate of antisemitism. It took until the Second Vatican Council, in the 1960s, for the Catholic Church to declare as official church doctrine that Jews, literally all Jews, past, present, and future were not in fact categorically guilty of the death of Christ, as had been church doctrine for literal centuries. The 1960s. Russia experienced wave after wave of violent anti-Jewish pogroms that lasted well into the 1920s, only really ending after the Bolsheviks victory in the Russian Civil War (though this would not be the end of Russian, and later Soviet, antisemitism). The rise of German nationalism was intimately and irrevocably tied in with antisemitism's rise to cultural ubiquity in the German Empire and later Weimar Germany. Even in the United Kingdom, which in the 19th and 20th centuries was positively tolerant by contemporary European standards, reflected in to appointment of Jews in prominent political positions up to and including Prime Ministers, was facing a resurgence in antisemitism. It may seem that I'm harping on the point for far too long, but a) I want to emphasize the truly dire straits facing the Jewish diaspora even before the Holocaust and b) while I would like to believe that the historical threat of antisemitism is accepted as common knowledge, I have been wrong before. See also: previous angry rant.

This point is possibly the most important: many Zionists, before and after the Holocaust, believed that the only way to secure the safety of the Jews in Israel was the creation of a Jewish majority state. Back when the land that was to become Israel and Palestine was believed to be mostly empty, this would have seemed easy to achieve by simply settling the area with a new Jewish population. However, after it became known that the land intended for a Jewish state was in fact inhabited, and by a substantial population no less, any intelligent Zionist would have known that the creation of any substantial Jewish majority state would require the forced eviction of the land's extant, mostly Arabic population.

I was struggling to find a place for this, so it’s going here. I have thus far avoided the use of a popular term used in relation to Israel; settler-colonialism. I have avoided its use because I see it as overused, poorly defined, and ahistorical. According to Wikipedia, accessed 30 November 2023, “Settler colonialism occurs when colonizers invade and occupy territory to permanently replace the existing society with the society of the colonizers.” If defined as such, I argue that the term settler-colonialism is practically useless because it describes literal millennia of human history. Using this definition, I have compiled a non-comprehensive list of examples of settler-colonialism, in roughly reverse chronological order: Israeli settlements in Gaza, Russification of Kaliningrad, Russification of the Crimean Peninsula, Sinicization in Xinjiang and Tibet, started by the late Qing and restarted by the PRC, British conquest of independent Boer states, Boer conquest of modern day South Africa, Ottoman colonization of Greece and the Aegean Islands, Russian conquest of Siberia, the Japanese colonization of Korea and Taiwan, centuries of successful and failed conquests of Cambodia by Vietnamese and Thai kingdoms, conquests by the Inca Empire, European colonization of the Americas, Venetian colonization across the Ionian and Mediterranean Seas, Turkic migrations into Central Asia and Anatolia, the Mongol conquests, the maritime empires of Indonesia, the Muslim conquests and subsequent Arabicization of North Africa and the Middle East, the entire history of the Roman Empire, any of the dozens of examples of Classical Greek colonies in Greece, Anatolia, Sicily, and southern Italy, the Achemenid conquests. Hell, the Phoenecians were so into colonization that one of their colonies eventually became a colonial empire in and of itself, and if you believe that all of those colonies were established on empty, virgin land then I got a seaside condo in Almaty to sell you. Though I don’t have time to go through them all, all of the above examples have either been cited by academics as examples of settler-colonialism, or share substantial commonalities with cited examples in my opinion. My problem with settler-colonialism as a term is that it is fundamentally based in modern concepts of indigeneity and nationalism. To put it bluntly, applying ahistorical modern concepts to a time and place that knew nothing of them is stupid. The vague definitions and overuse of the term compound these problems and threaten to misrepresent a near-universal human practice as an exclusively Western European phenomenon, and serve to complicate and frustrate conversation around instances where a more specific definition would be useful to meaningfully distinguish between it and other colonial projects; South Africa being a prime example. Specific language used accurately is important. All that being said, modern European colonialism more broadly and the effects thereof are important fields of study, and due to both temporal proximity and geographical reach, colonialism as it was practiced by modern European empires has had an outsized negative impact on the living conditions of billions of people currently alive in the year 2023. Sorry for all that, I just had to get it off of my chest. 

So, back to the problem at hand. The point of view that sees Zionism as simply another expression of European colonialism is, in my opinion, oversimplified or even outright wrong. The fundamental problem with viewing Zionism as just another European colonial endeavor is that European Jews were generally not seen as European, but as either foreign invaders or domestic subversives. European Jews were generally excluded from the national identities developing across Europe, with very few exceptions. Where Zionism did recieve gentile support, it was secured through moral arguments and intellectual persuasion, not sinister influence. Zionism, while it was influenced by colonialism, Orientalism, and even aspects of white supremacy, was an intellectual idea and practical endeavor primarily advocated by a subset of the Jewish diaspora. In contrast to European colonialism, which was motivated in part or in whole by a mix of greed, national pride, white supremacy, and the belief in a ‘benevolent’ civilizing and christianizing mission, the intellectual underpinning of Zionism is the belief that the Jewish people possess the most legitimate claim to the land that is now Israel and Palestine as their historical homeland. That belief beggars an obvious question: do they? 

Maybe?!

This is a large part of the reason why arguments about Zionism get so tangled and ugly and GAHH!. Zionism is the product of applying late 19th century concepts of nationalism and a people’s right to a homeland to a people exiled from their homeland over a thousand years before. Except it’s still more complicated than that, because the return of the Jews to Israel is an idea that is as old as the exodus itself. So the end result is that who you support is often decided by your personal answer to any number of thorny, complicated questions. Are the Jews indigenous to Israel? Are the Arabs indigenous to Palestine? If a people are expelled from their land, do they have the right to return? If yes, does that right expire? If it does, then how long does it last? Should special privilege be afforded to a people without a current homeland? What about a people who have experienced suppression, violence, and social rejection? Is it possible for a land to have multiple indigenous groups? If so, what about the right to return? Can one indigenous group act in a colonialist or imperialist manner towards another? 

These questions do have answers, but even a simple yes or no requires additional explanation, elaboration, and will inevitably conflict with opposing answers. The concepts they rest on are complicated and nuanced. One that I’ve mentioned before, and one that you’re probably sick of hearing about at this point, is indigeneity. The reason I harp on this is because it is another modern idea, overused and poorly defined, that is useful, but whose applicability is less universal that an America-centric conception would suggest. Unlike in the Americas, where the dividing line between indigenous and immigrant is fairly clean cut, the Old World’s long list of conquests, migrations, depopulations, pandemics, and famines make the concept of indigeneity really fucking messy. As an example, consider the Turks. The Turks live in Turkey, or at least most of them do. Turkish nationalism, as it developed in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, considers Anatolia to be the homeland of the Turkish people. Do you know where the Turks are from? 

Mongolia. 

Or at least that general area. Archeological evidence is a little vague. I had a summary of that whole process here, but it was too long and I cut it. Summary2, the Seljuk Turks came to rule over Anatolia in the 10th century, starting a roughly 1000 year long process of cultural, ethnic, and linguistic conversion. In the late 19th century, the multiethnic but Turkish-ruled Ottomans began to develop and promote Turkish nationalism, partly in response to European nationalism. Because the Turkish people lived mostly in Anatolia when Turkish nationalism was developed, modern day Turkey adopted the status of homeland to the Turks. In conclusion, shit’s wack. 

This is just one of literally thousands of examples of ways in which the concepts of nationalism and indigeneity are, seriously, I’m not just saying words here, complicated. They just are. These questions don’t have simple, satisfying answers and the discussion around them should reflect the nuances of the situation, but usually don't. 

I have seen people expressing sentiments along the lines of, “Sitting back and debating the inexhaustible complexity of the Israel-Palestine conflict ad nauseam is obscuring the active suffering of the Palestinian people.” This is a sentiment that I understand, but do not agree with. It is important to talk about the abuses that Israel is committing in Gaza and in the West Bank, and to condemn them as criminal and immoral. But the discussion around the Israel-Gaza War does not take place in a vacuum. Discussions of the current war and of the wider conflict inevitably leave the realm of discussing what just happened and enter the realm of why. And the answer to that why? is almost inevitably wrapped up in narrative. There is an overwhelming tendency for the pro-Palestinian camp to reject the idea that Zionism might, in even a small way, have a legitimate argument. For most of the pro-Palestinian camp, the answer to the fundamental underlying question of Zionism, are the Jews indigenous to Israel? is no. Full stop. That is the narrative of Palestinian resistance. That is the narrative of anti-colonialism. That is the narrative that says that Israel is a European settler-colony. That is the narrative that delegitimizes the State of Israel. And that is a narrative that needs to change because that narrative makes negotiation and compromise impossible. Delegitimization is to nation-states what dehumanization is to people. Throughout the entirety of the American Civil War, President Lincoln referred to the conflict as a “rebellion” and the Confederacy as “rebels”, “insurrectionists”, or “traitors”. Direct quotes. A legitimate state possesses rights, can be negotiated with, and once recognized cannot be derecognized easily. An illegitimate entity must be crushed. Regardless of the crimes of Israel, and oh boy, are we going to get into those, an end to the Israel-Palestine conflict will have to be a negotiated resolution, because Israel isn’t going away. 

I have my own personal beliefs about all of the above questions and more. I won’t share them because they aren’t important, and it's not really my place. However, to reiterate some of what I have said; I do think that the history of Israel and Palestine can be accurately characterized as a colonialist history, but I feel that the narrative of anti-colonialism papers over the moral complexity of the situation and intentionally delegitimizes Zionism and Israel.

Now, you may have noticed that I’ve mostly been focusing on my problems with the pro-Palestian side, for several reasons. Once again, this essay is supposed to be less about the conflict itself and more about the narratives that I have been seeing online. Since this is an overwhelmingly pro-Palestinian website, addressing that narrative has taken precedence. For that same reason, posting anti-Israeli content does feel a little bit like preaching to the choir. Nevertheless, I have many, many thoughts about Israel and the pro-Israeli narratives, and I clearly have no compunctions whatsoever about screaming my bullshit into the void, so let us now talk about… 

Israel & Narrative

And also a little bit more about the Palestinian narrative. Sorry, everything’s kinda interconnected and it's hard to separate sometimes. 

So I know that I tagged my last post as “kicking the hornets’ nest”, but this next bit is more like throwing a hornets’ nest at a bees’ nest sitting on the back of a tiger, but here goes. 

For at least 90% of the people on this site, the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict is completely irrelevant, except for its utility in constructing narratives. 

A bold statement, you say. Well yes, but it’s a bold statement that I will stand by. Most of the discussion on this website, and elsewhere, is being driven by people for whom the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict is either an academic matter, or a cudgel to beat their opponents with. There are, as always, a few exceptions. The Holocaust is one, in no small part due to its scope and relevance even outside Israel-Palestine. The First Arab-Israeli War, and concurrently the Nakba, is another due to its status as as the opening salvo of the Israel-Palestine conflict, due to the immense suffering it caused to the Palestinian people, and due to its close relationship with the right of return, which holds importance both as narrative component and as a practical political issue directly affecting the lives millions of Palestinians. Things are messy and everything has caveats. 

Jupiter the nonbinary MCR stan from Wisconsin did not buy an authentic keffiyeh from a Palestinian factory or participate in the local Free Palestine march because they’re intimately versed in and personally affected by the geopolitics of the Six-Day War. 

They’re doing all of that because Israel is a colonialist Amerikkkan puppet that attacks its neighbors without provocation, and Bibi’s latest genocide just killed a few 9/11s worth of children. 

David, 41-year-old 4chan refugee, closet brony, “Classical Liberal” of the Carl Benjamin variety, born and raised in Buttfuck, Upstate NY, isn’t ranting and raging about the ceasefire agitators over Thanksgiving dinner because he’s thoroughly studied and is greatly aggrieved of the history of terrorism in the Palestinian liberation movement, or because he put the work in to fully understand the 2006 elections in Gaza and wholeheartedly regrets their outcome. 

He’s worked up ‘cause the bus-bombing towelheads have done it again, and he doesn’t give a hoot how many Gazans die ‘cause they shoulda known who they was votin’ for. 

Tumblr user viv-hollande, pro-incest Kaeluc truther from [redacted] USA wasn’t crouched over the toilet losing his lunch studying the long, tragic history of the Israel-Palestine crisis. 

He was losing his lunch because they just bombed a hospital, 500 people are dead, the bastards did it and they’ll deny it just like with Hook and Miller and Abu Akleh, shitting hells it’s never going to end- 

viv-hollande jumped to a conclusion that was informed by a narrative, and proceeded to waste several hours angrily arguing with an Israeli Tumblr user and stubbornly denying credible evidence and what he was seeing with his own eyes because of a narrative, much of which he read about but did not live through. There remain many questions about what happened at al-Ahli Arab Hospital, but the preponderance of evidence has fallen on the side of a Palestinian misfire. If you think that the evidence provided by over a dozen governments, media outlets, and independent analysts was all fabricated on the orders of Puppet-master Bibi, stop. You’re being an antisemite. Please learn from my fuckup. 

The above statement mostly applies to the world worth of spectators to this conflict and not to Israelis and Palestinians themselves. For those who lived through those events, or who have family who lived through them, there is obviously a direct personal connection to that history which, on a human scale at least, really isn’t that old. There are survivors of both the Holocaust and the Nakba still around. 

I also want to re-emphasize, just in case it got lost in the sludge, that the above statement concerns the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict, not current events. Even for those far removed from the conflict, witnessing the ongoing bloodshed in real time is still a traumatic experience that is bound to provoke strong emotional responses and influence people’s position on the wider conflict. Narrative or no, seeing dead children is going to have an effect on you. 

With that out of the way, on to the actual pro-Israeli narrative. In no small part due to less exposure, I am less confident in my analysis of the pro-Israeli narrative than I am of the pro-Palestinian narrative, especially as it pertains to Americans arguing online. But, I have divined a few significant main points. 

One of the most important parts of the pro-Israeli point of view is that of a siege narrative. The Israeli narrative holds that the state of Israel has existed under the threat of existential annihilation since its inception. I have also seen in many places a direct conflation of the military and political threats to Israel’s existence with the wider history of antisemitism and specifically with the Holocaust. This goes all the way up to Benjamin Netenyahu himself, who falsely claimed, among other wrong things, that it was the Grand Mufti of Palestine who convinced Hitler to order the Holocaust. This statement was roundly condemned by basically everyone, whether Jewish, Israeli, or Palestinian, for good reason. It’s tantamount to Holocaust denialism. 

The pro-Israeli narrative fundamentally denies the legitimacy and/or existence of Palestinian identity and a Palestinian state. In many cases, it denies the Palestinian right to a state in Palestine at all. This stance is directly related to the perceived necessity for a Jewish-majority Israel, and serves to facilitate the forced removal of the Palestinians from Israel and Palestine. In addition to being morally abhorrent, this stance represents a fundamental obstacle to a negotiated end to the conflict. While I can’t prove it, I very much suspect that some, especially the loudest deniers of Palestinian identity, are aware of this and continue to do so intentionally to undermine peace and facilitate Israel’s continued expansion at Palestinian expense. 

For Americans, especially after 9/11, the narrative of the Israel-Palestine conflict has been folded into the wider narrative of the War on Terror. Israel-Palestine and the War on Terror are connected, but that connection is a lot more complicated than the American narrative, which, in its own racist, uninformed way, can’t tell the difference between Palestians, Arabs, Muslims, Iranians, Afghans, and the completely uninvolved Sikhs, several of whom nevertheless were attacked and killed by racist, overzealous American “patriots”. This conflation degrades the conversation around the Israel-Palestine conflict and reduces the legitimacy of the Palestinian cause. And while this last bit is essentially unfalsifiable conjecture, I suspect that the collapse of the War on Terror, and the changing narratives around it, plays a part in why the reaction to the current war has been substantially more pro-Palestinian than past flare ups. 

As you can see, Israel and its advocates are guilty of many of the same tactics and narrative techniques that I criticized so fervently among Palestinians. The biggest, and most infuriating, has been the consistent denial of Palestinian identity and insistence that Jews/Israelis are the one and only true indigenous people in Israel and Palestine, and the consistent delegitimization of any Palestinian state. This attitude has no doubt played a significant role in prolonging and extending the conflict, and with it the suffering of the Palestinian people. For more details on that suffering, let us now turn to…

Israel & War Crimes

“Israel is definitely committing a campaign of forced displacement, possibly amounting to ethnic cleansing, but I remain unconvinced of the crime of genocide,” - viv-hollande

The above statement in my previous post generated some pushback. I expected this, and planned to dedicate a whole section of the longer essay to supporting this claim, and elaborate on my meaning. Here is that. Oh, and full disclosure, this is probably the most pedantic that I am going to get in this, and I fully expect that that will piss people off for eminently understandable reasons. Nevertheless here I go. 

I would like to start by recalling the first of my establishing points: words have meanings, some words have very specific meanings, and it is important to use words with specific meanings correctly or else risk the degradation and dilution of the words themselves. Meaningless words are useless. With that out of the way: 

Genocide, as defined by the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide, is defined as any of five acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group. The five acts are: 

Killing members of the group;

Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;

Deliberately inflicting upon group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part; 

Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group; 

Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group. 

So, we’ve clearly seen evidence of four of the five acts which potentially constitute a genocide, so why am I opposed to its use? The answer is intent. This is an issue that has been raised by others online, and the response is always a mix of a) harping on definitions while thousands of Palestinians are being murdered obscures their suffering and allows Israel to act unchallenged and b) here is the evidence that Israel intends to commit genocide. Addressing those in reverse order: 

I have seen many posts with supposed evidence of Israeli intent to commit genocide. But when they are coagulated, they look less like an actual argument and more like a conspiracy board filled with singular quotes, out-of-context statements, and tweets from some random Israeli expressing dehumanizing, borderline genocidal sentiments. I’m sorry, but this is not evidence of intent. Neither is pointing to Gaza, saying, “Look at what is going on! This clearly shows intent”. It doesn’t. Is a genocide happening in Gaza right now? Maybe. Its unsatisfying and frustrating, but intent is something that will likely be impossible to prove or disprove without access to Israeli government documents. It is classified meeting minutes that will prove or disprove intent, not tweets from Israeli bloggers. 

If you are angry at me for harping on definitions and technicalities, that’s understandable. But remember, words have meanings. I am not convinced that a genocide is happening in Gaza. But d’ya wanna know what is happening? 

War crimes. Crimes against humanity. Ethnic cleansing. Forced displacement. Criminally disproportionate military action. Killing and targeting of journalists. Attacks on medical workers and facilities. Attacks on shelter areas. Attacks on UN workers and facilities. 

All of these are crimes. In a just world, their perpetrators would be spending the rest of their lives behind bars. They are barbarous acts of cruelty that should be condemned, regardless of whether or not they meet the qualifications of being an act of genocide. 

Israel’s attacks on Palestinian water sources is a crime, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

Involuntary detention of children without charge is a crime, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

Indiscriminate bombings of civilians are crimes, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

The Israeli-Egyptian blockade of the Gaza Strip, both before and after the 7 October attacks, is a crime, regardless of whether or not they were committed with genocidal intent. 

The word genocide is used on this platform like a fire alarm. Pull here to warn people about oppression and mass slaughter. But genocide, like all of the other crimes mentioned above, is a word that has a meaning, a definition. That definition is imperfect, but it is what we have to work with. Using these terms specifically and correctly is important. 

It feels sometimes that discussion around atrocities turns into a matter of genocide or nothing. People treat the usage of more accurate and specific, but ‘less severe’ terms as a form of denialism. It is that attitude that makes discussing these supposedly ‘less severe’ crimes incredibly difficult. ‘Cause guess what!

Every single one of the crimes listed above is a barbarous crime, and you should fight and condemn every last one of them with the same fervor as you should genocide. None of them are tolerable, none of them are lesser. They are, one and all, abominable acts of criminal violence. The overuse of the term genocide makes it harder to effectively fight all of the others and perpetrates a narrative, consciously or not, that its a matter of genocide or bust.

Hamas & Revolution

The Islamic Resistance Movement, more commonly known by its Arabic acronym Hamas, is in my estimation the most militarily and politically powerful Palestinian organization in the world. Although its stated goals have changed several times over the years, Hamas has generally characterized itself as a defender of Palestinian nationalism, an advocate for Palestinian liberation, and an opponent to Israel, colonialism, and imperialism. 

Hamas is also an aspirationally genocidal terrorist organization, and every time I see expressions of support for them you should feel sick. I certainly do. 

Open expressions of support for Hamas have been rare, but far from zero. Most of those who do support Hamas uncritically accept the premise that Hamas is an anti-colonial revolutionary resistance organization fighting against Zionist occupation. This post is way too long and my deadline is rapidly approaching, so instead of breaking down all of that, let us assume, for the sake of argument, that that statement is true. Even if true, none of that prevents Hamas from also being an antisemitic, aspirationally genocidal terrorist organization. 

One of the basic assumptions of the anti-colonialist narrative is that colonized=good, colonizer=bad. This flattens nuanced and complicated conflicts and leads to the excusing and justifying of criminal acts on the basis that they were committed in pursuit of a just cause. 

Anti-colonialist struggles are justified according to the right of self-determination. Many of them nevertheless committed criminal acts. 

There is a tendency to treat conflicts, past and present, less as actual events and more like culture wars. It has become fashionable to condemn the United States by rote, to shout “Up the Ra”, without actually addressing the reality of the situation one is commenting on. As an example of what I mean, take Morocco. Last year, Morocco was briefly appointed as the symbolic standard-bearer of anti-imperialism for… winning football matches against tHe DrEaDeD cOlOnIzErS. Today, Morocco is imperialist persona non grata and traitor to the Palestinian cause. Neither of these judgments were made because of the practical, on the ground reality of decolonization, anti-imperialism, or the Palestinian cause. These judgments were made because of the narrative of anti-colonialism. If the actions of Morocco, or anyone else for that matter, work in favor of the narrative of anti-colonialism, then they are lauded. If their actions contradict that narrative, they are condemned. Are there important geopolitical implications of Morocco’s decision to support Israel in exchange for support in Western Sahara? Yes, of course. Realistically speaking, they will probably be minor and mostly symbolic. Morocco isn’t sending soldiers to help occupy Gaza, and Israel won’t be sending soldiers to support the conquest of Western Sahara. Does any of that matter to users on www.tumblr.com? No. 

To the supporters of Hamas, I don’t have a lot to say here. Hamas has been open about its antisemitism, and both Hamas leaders and official Hamas statements have openly called for genocide against Israelis, and sometimes Jews more broadly. Hamas engages in blatant conspiracism and has gleefully spread stories about a Jewish-controlled globalist shadow government trying to bring about the NWO. While they did officially amend their charter in 2017 to state that their fight is with the “Zionist enemy” rather than the Jewish people writ large, I find it difficult to believe that they are being honest with their intentions, and even if they are, the 7 October attacks show that they consider Israeli civilians as part of the “Zionist enemy” and thus fair game. 

River & Sea

In my previous post, I made the assertion that the popular pro-Palestinian slogan, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free,” is an antisemitic slogan. As I expected, I got some pushback on this, but have no fear, I have a qualified justification. 

Slightly modified, I uphold the statement that, as a practical matter, in the year 2023 “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is a de facto antisemitic statement. 

To fully explain what I mean here, and to address some of the confusion that I have seen with regards to the history of the statement. Shoutout to @starsakura17 and @screaming-weevil for having a conversation about the term and trying to research the history of the phrase to better inform themselves. That’s something we all, including me, should do more often on more topics. 

As far as I can discern, the origins of the “River to the sea” part of the phrase are unknown, but Zionist sentiments about creating a state between the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea actually predate the First Arab-Israeli War and may predate Mandatory Palestine. The phrase first became associated with the Palestinian cause in the 1960s, when it was used to express opposition to the partition of Palestine and support for a single state in Palestine. How exactly this state was envisioned varied dramatically, but even back then, the 1964 PLO Charter expressly excluded the mostly Jewish immigrants to Palestine from their definition of Palestinians. Gee, where have I heard that before. Now, the PLO do not and did not speak for all Palestinians, and there were many Palestinians and Israelis who advocated for a single state that would be democratic and secular, thus creating a free Palestine between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea. Thusly, if you asked me in the 1960s whether the phrase, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is antisemitic, I would say no, but I would probably note that it is used by antisemites and caution you to be careful with your usage. 

However, it is no longer the 1960s, and the usage and users of the phrase have shifted over time. The most important change is the rise of Islamic militant groups, most of whom have adopted the phrase as a call to destroy Israel and purge Palestine of Israelis and/or Jews. In addition, the geopolitical landscape of Israel and Palestine has changed. In the early 1960s, when the land between the river and the sea was under total occupation by Israel, Jordan, and Egypt, and when the idea of a single, secular, democratic state was at least theoretically possible, non-antisemitic usage of “From the river to the sea” was both possible and fairly common. There were individuals and organizations with actual influence on both sides that could have or did try to lead the charge for this exact solution. In 2023, that is no longer the case. 

When I see people using the phrase “From the river to the sea”, my first question is how will that happen? Who will end up in charge of the land from river to sea? Remember, words have meaning, and political slogans do not exist in a vacuum. In the year 2023, there is only one organization with the political clout, popular support, and military might even hope to create a free Palestine stretching from the river to the sea: Hamas. Barring an externally imposed settlement, there is no other entity that could feasibly achieve such a state. You saw what they did on 7 October; what do you think their plan is for the rest of the Jews in Israel? 

If you object to my connection between “From the river to the sea” and Hamas ruling over the whole of Israel and Palestine, then go ahead. Tell me how, exactly, a free Palestinian state from river to sea can be created without giving Hamas free access to the people they openly want to exterminate.

Regardless of its origin, regardless of your intention when you say it, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” is a statement that has been proudly adopted by the most virulent and violent antisemites on the Palestinian side. Whatever its intention, it is at best a slogan with a confused and muddy history that is deeply linked with antisemitism; at worst it is incitement to genocide. 

SO STOP USING IT. Any slogan that has to be regularly qualified with “but not in an antisemitic way” is a slogan that you should not use. There are better, non-antisemitic slogans already in use; you do not need to cling desperately to this one. 

While I’m here, I may as well address the phrase “Free Palestine from Hamas”. Like “From the river to the sea”, it's a theoretically neutral or even positive slogan. However, I see it most commonly used by those who vocally support the ongoing, indiscriminate destruction of Gaza and slaughter of the people living there. Whatever your intention, this phrase is associated with those who believe that any action is justifiable as long as it might possibly kill even a single Hamas member. 

Conclusion

“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter, or at least a more coherent one.” - viv-hollande

If you made it this far, you have my respect. I’ve said a lot here, probably too much. I am sure it means something; I am not sure if it means anything significant. 

A lot of people are probably mad at me right now. Some of that is probably fair. Some of it is probably not. 

I had someone accuse me of being “fundamentally unserious” under my last post, which is a very weird and kind of funny thing to say to a teenager. 

I’m really struggling with how to finish this, ‘cause I am well and truly running low on steam, and I have French homework that I’ve been putting off. I’ve scrapped, like, three entire sections that I either didn’t have time to finish, or that I felt were even more poorly written than the rest of this incoherent mess. Maybe I’ll turn them into dedicated posts. 

As a final conclusion: The Israel-Palestine conflict has been saddled with millions of uninvolved rubberneckers who all seem to have a lot to say about every aspect of it. As humans tend to do, these bystanders have created narratives of war and struggle, of oppression and revolution. It is these narratives, shaped by history, but also by biases, bigotries, personal values, and misinformation. We choose a good side, and subsume that side into our own personal in-group. We excuse the faults in our allies, and exaggerate or fabricate faults in our enemies. The Palestinian cause categorically dismisses the Jewish right to a secure homeland. The de facto leaders of Gaza are aspirational génocidaires. The pro-Palestinian cause as a whole doesn’t care to consider the fate of the Israelis, millions of who were born and raised in Israel and have nowhere else to go. Simultaneously, the Israelis deny the suffering of the Palestinian people, wherever they may reside. Many current and past leaders of Israel are war criminals, and few, if any, of them will be brought to justice. Make no mistake, this is not a case of “both sides”. As the stronger party to the conflict, backed by the strongest nation on Earth, Israel has had most of the power to choose the timeline for the end to the conflict. As it stands, it seems more and more likely that that end will result in the final, irrevocable extinguishing of the dream of a Palestinian state. That end would be a tragedy, and it would be a crime. 

If you’re not sick of me telling you what to do at this point, you have the patience of a fucking saint. To those still here, I say this: condemn antisemitism, Islamophobia, and bigotry wherever they occur; all conflicts have long, complicated histories that get flattened by the desire to ‘pick a side’; exact language, used specifically, is a delicate, precious thing that must be safeguarded; Israel’s crimes in Gaza, whether they qualify as a campaign of genocide, rank as some of the worst committed in decades, and the western political establishment’s tacit acceptance and endorsement of that campaign of horrors is, in and of itself, criminal and immoral, and both should be fought with as much energy as you can possibly spare. 

Fuck Bibi, and all those who enable him. Fuck Hamas. Fight war crimes. Ceasefire now. Free Palestine. 

A Message To Israelis and Palestinians

I struggled the most with what to say here. As I’ve repeatedly said, this post is intended not for you, but for the crowds of virtual bystanders to the incomprehensible crimes being committed in Israel and Gaza. As someone with, as they say, no skin in the game, I feel uncomfortable addressing you in a way I generally don’t when confronting my peers. I don’t know if you want or need the perspective of yet another rubbernecker, especially when what I do have to say is so insubstantial. But I would feel remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the people over whose heads I have been shouting for so long. So, for the final time, here goes. 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. To the Israelis, to those living in fear of rocket attacks and suicide bombers, and especially to those who lost loved ones in the 7 October attacks, or who are living in limbo hoping and praying for the release of the hostages, I express my deepest condolences. To the Palestinians of the West Bank, who have suffered the encroachment and aggression of Israeli settlers and Occupation soldiers, and who must soldier on through the ever-tightening vice of apartheid, your resilience inspires me and your suffering devastates me. To the Palestinian refugees, who have been driven out of their homeland and now must wait endlessly for a return that may never come, please know that you are in my heart.  And finally to the Palestinians of the Gaza Strip, who have been subjected to years of indignity, abuse, and violence, who have endured overwhelming, disproportionate, and indiscriminate retaliation for every terrorist provocation, who have been starved, bombed, shot, beaten, and brutalized in ways that I, sheltered as I am, could never possibly imagine, and who are at this very moment deep in mourning over the thousands and thousands of parents, children, siblings, cousins, friends, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, acquaintances, colleagues, and everything in between, I offer you have my most sincere apologies and my grief at your losses, pale as they must be in comparison to your own. I don’t know if they’ll help, but they’re really all I’ve got. 

I wish I could offer you hope. I wish I could offer you a solution. I wish I could do something, anything, that would actually have a meaningful impact on any of this. But I can’t. I’m sorry.