#and if you don't have this mindset and you're super anxious all the time

[jlf23tumble]

i'm so ready for the new wave of fandom. out with the old larrie guard and hello to a new era where we can use basic reasoning skills and be like no yeah those guys were super weird about each other back in the day for reasons we may never understand but oh well it's still fun to think about and discuss and reminisce etc. ready to just support whatever they're (separately) doing in present day without the exhausting exercise of analyzing every little thing through bluegreen glasses.

Hard same! And I think the new wave is out there and swelling, they just don't know where to go--the loud voices are fucking loud about it, but I like to think their days are numbered, as is their sweet, sweet validation via follower count/engagement (alas, I'll never know for sure, but there are some subtle chunks of negative space where once there wasn't much--I'm a pro lurker, lmao). Anyway, I love this ask, co-signed!

[hsangel64]

bandmates pt. 7 !

pairings: bassist!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: it’s been a couple of weeks and you and ellie were officially together but ellie has been acting suspicious and it feels like you're together only behind closed doors.

warnings: angst angst angst (sorry !!), cussing, slight smut, use of y/n

a/n: i am trying my best to be back and write, ive been in the process of moving and i just got in the mindset to write!! I had a plan for this and then stopped writing this for a while so this series will have more than just a couple of chapters left, i'm not sure yet!! anyways good to be back hope you enjoy!!

you and ellie were doing fine, great even! but only in your guys' room. you have been so happy the past few weeks, but it was starting to feel a little off. you didn't think much of it but that still didn't stop that small anxious pit in your stomach from forming. you liked ellie so much and was so happy this was finally reality that you didn't see the red flags ahead of time.

"do we really have to go to this stupid get together?" ellie whined and you giggled.

"yes unfortunately we do, speaking of which we need to get up really soon to get ready." ellie groaned and turned away from you and got out of bed. she walked over to her closet while pouting and grabbed some clothes considering we were only in underwear....

you sat up and grabbed an outfit from your closet. ellie came up from behind you and kissed your cheek and made her way down to your neck. you giggled and squished her face in your neck, you tried to push her away, but she fought against your small weak nudges.

"ellie we can't, we have to go dina and jesse really want us there to meet these people."

"we could be late." she said in that sultry voice she puts on. you felt a shiver down your spine and so badly wanted to fall for it but you knew how much this meant to dina and didn't want to let her down.

"no els we gotta go i don't want to let dina down." you laughed as she kept kissing you neck and reaching down you back. she turned you around and kissed your lips, you melted into her mouth and couldn't resist the urge to just go for yet another round of the day, but you fought back and slowly pulled away. you gave her that look a sad puppy dog would give and she groaned and then smiled at you.

"ugh fine, only because you're cute and i love you." you let out a small gasp, ellie hadn't said i love you yet. a small smile made it to your face and she smiled back.

"i love you too." you smiled at each other and kissed again, you both went on and got ready for the get together.

----

you two were sitting on the couch together next to dina and jesse at someone's house you didn't know, you just wanted to be home with ellie. the air felt super awkward and ellie felt a little distant. you didn't think much of that until you all introduced yourselves.

"this is ellie and y/n!" dina introduced us to everyone else and they all collectively said hello.

"how did you all meet?" one of the girls asked and ellie answered.

"y/n and i have been friends since before we could remember and met dina and jesse in high school band class. we all became really good friends and formed our band, coastal."

"that's really cool, you guys all seem so close is it just dina and jesse together? some girl asked while making flirty eyes with ellie.

"yeah it is, me and y/n are best friends and i wouldn't have it any other way." your face shifted and you gently whipped your head towards ellie in a questioning way, she was already looking at the girl with that same flirty look and you turned away and excused yourself to the bathroom. dina noticed your change in behavior and decided to follow after you. you quickly made your way to the bathroom before dina could make it in and you closed the door in front of her face.

"babes are you okay? what happened?" you tuned her questions out and your mind drifted. you could tell something was wrong, you knew it felt weird that you two weren't going on dates or that she acted different outside of the dorm. you saw all the red flags but was too oblivious to see what was going on. your eyes slowly filled with tears and you didn't even realize you were crying until you snapped back into reality and heard dina bang on the door.

"hey, are you okay what's going on??" you turned and opened the door, dina gasped and pushed her way into the room seeing your state.

'what's going on, talk to me." she held your face and wiped your tears, you felt so overwhelmed with emotions and couldn't make out the words so you said.

"ellie is an asshole." she looked at you saddened and nodded her head saying i know, she grabbed you and pulled you into her. you silently cried into the crook of her neck and just felt so angry. you were mad at yourself for thinking this was going to work. you didn't want to cry anymore about it so you gently pulled away and turned to the faucet and wiped your face down of the mascara streaks. dina helped you pull yourself together and you both made your way back into the living room. everyone was preoccupied with mario kart on the tv and didn't even notice you two coming back. you sat down on the couch next to jesse and dina occupied the spot next to ellie. she turned over and looked at you and nodded her head asking if you were okay. you looked away and dina pushed her head towards the tv and diverted her attention away from you.

for the rest of the time you guys were there you sat on the couch with your back against the cushion and your head slouched. dina tried her best to stop ellie from talking to you and left you alone till you guys left.

----

when you guys were getting ready to leave you all said your goodbyes and you saw ellie and that girl exchange numbers, you felt sick to your stomach and didn't want to face her in the car. you turned away and walked out of the house without anyone, you guys weren't to far from the dorm so you just decided to walk on your own.

as you walked you made it to the gas station right by the school so you stopped for a slushy. you walked in and grabbed the biggest size, you needed this. you also grabbed some ice cream and made your way out. you sat on the curb for a little and pulled out your phone to a million notifications.

40 texts from ellie, 20 missed calls from dina, it all felt too much. so you texted dina and said you were fine and just decided to walk home. dina proceeded to cuss you out in your texts and raved about how dangerous that was for you to walk alone by yourself. you rolled your eyes and got up from the curb and walked to rest of the way towards the campus.

you found your way back and checked their locations to see they were home so you just knocked on the door. ellie answered and quickly let you in. you made your way to your shared room and grabbed some clothes.

"hey what happened back there?" she quietly asked and you rolled your eyes. you made your way to the shower but not before ellie squeezed her way through the door.

"bee what's wrong?" she grabbed your arm and you felt sick, you pushed her away and started to take your makeup off before your shower. she put her hand back on you and you pushed her away again getting frustrated now.

"why do you keep pushing me away, what happened back there?" you pushed her away hard and felt that tickle in your throat. you grumbled and said wouldn't you like to know under your breath, but it wasn't very quiet, so she heard.

"what do you mean? i would like to know. what's up with you?"

"i don't know ellie you tell me."

"I don't know y/n that's why i'm asking." you rolled your eyes starting to get more frustrated with her.

"maybe it was the fact that you just called me your friend and not your girlfriend?? i guess i missed something but i thought us having sex all the time and calling each other girlfriends meant just friends."

"i just called you best friend it isn't a big deal i'm sorry." she didn't sound sorry.

"it's a big deal to me ellie."

"well, i'm sorry." she shrugged and you scoffed at her nonchalant movement.

“i really don’t want to deal with this can you please leave i want to shower.” she didn’t pick up a fight and left. you sighed and wiped your face from any left over tears. you made your way into the shower and let the warm water help you forget about your thoughts for just one second.

————

a/n: i’m sorry this was short !! it was more of a filler before we get into some good angst and drama!! chapter 8 and possibly 9 will be out tomorrow!!

taglist:

@gold-dustwomxn @lil-elliesgf @hopelesssheaven @elliestears @cjrights

[dragonslayer-5fanfiction]

Shiratorizawa x Manager who smokes

Here is the Headcannon/blurb about Shiratorizawa x manager reader who smokes and is trying to stop

CW: smoking, cigarettes, nicotine,

they would all be very supportive of you

Tendou would carry any type of gum you like to chew to help with the taste/smell

i think that at first Ushijima tells you that it is unhealthy and sends you articles about it

you thank him and tell him that you this already but appreciate the thought

i don’t think that they push you into quitting but when/if you decide to quit they are there for you

i definitely hc Semi a someone who uses nicotine patches/gum

When you so smoke you go outside the gym and Goshiki, the kind soul he is doesn’t want you to be alone so he comes outside with you

he doesn't stand on the other side of the door but he he chatters your ear off off, and honestly it's so cute

he's like your little bestie

now let's say you decide to quit 

i’m gonna be honest with you it’s going to be rough while you're doing this

you wanted to do this yourself you wanted to prove to yourself that could do this

Now you're like day three and this is tough

you’re late to practise and my goodness everything was aggravating you

you’re upset, anxious, your heart is beating fast, you’re restless, i mean honestly you’re just a mess

you’re multitasking, writing stuff down, listening to coach when Goshiki comes up to ask you a question

‘i don't know ‘tomu, figure it out for yourself or ask someone else'

cue his eyes watering and tears threatening to spill over

he asks why you yelled at him

now you feel like a butthead, but the truth comes out

you tell him (and the rest of the team that is listening) that you're trying to quit smoking

It's like a quiet uproar, they are shocked, pleased, surprised

Ushijima is quite pleased and immediately offers a workout regimen and other things to distract you 

Tendou basically opens his trench coat to a variety of gum types including nicotine and black black gum

this is where semi gets his stash of gum, and why they’re besties

anyways they all voice their support for you as you’re going through this

they are definitely understanding and as you get over the withdraw hump, they are kind of walking on eggshells around you

Which you notice and you hate it, but you just don't know how else to get around this other than just going cold turkey and suffering through the withdrawal

once you get over that hump, you are in a better mindset, and definitely happier and less restless

then things go back to normal and ya’ll are besties again

however when they know that things are stressful for you like finals, or big tournaments, then they are prepared

honestly Tendou is uber prepared he has everything you need, and is like a pro at redirection and distraction

Ushijima is like the firm hand you need that is just like -_- no

Reon, Yamagata, are there to banter with you and gossip like the aunties

Shirabu is just there in the background, but before you quit he would definitely try to hide the cigs from you, he seems like a shithead

and Goshiki is just there he follows you around like a puppy and honestly he misses the time he would spend outside with you, so he is always trying to be around you to get that time

you have to explain to him that you quitting is a good thing, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to talk to him

anyways back to the program, they would be all ready to help you through the stressful times like Tendou and semi give them all a pep talk and give them their different assignments

once you are successfully off of the cigarettes they throw you a little party with a cake that has the no smoking sign on it

overall they are a super supportive team and just want the best for you, even if it’s on your terms

[fairycosmos]

hey sorry if this is invasive but how do you know you have depression? things have been harder to cope with for the past month but i am incredibly ashamed of asking for help or even saying out loud because i feel dramatic, attention seeking etc. even realising how much it is affecting my life. do i really need to get it out to get better?

ive had it since i was a kid and my doctor has been aware of it since i was like 11 so it was just smth i grew up with - when im in a particularly bad episode i can tell because im extremely lethargic, unmotivated, don't look after myself, am prone to severe hopelessness and a sense of impending doom following me everywhere + self destruction, i drink more, i get paranoid, i dissociate and feel disconnected from the world around me and from my own body, im numb/sad most of the time, i have panic attacks and cant get out of bed even for things i would usually want to do, im very disorganised and have a flat affect/tone of voice, i don't interact with people much....honestly the list goes on LOL.

it's important to understand that depression manifests uniquely for everybody and if youve noticed a difference in your own behaviour/thinking patterns that is actively and consistently impacting your life negatively - then that is enough of an indicator that something is going on. it doesn't need to be any worse. if it's already difficult, then it's already difficult, and you deserve support with it. to some extent it's some normal to feel ashamed/afraid of reaching out - we're raised in a world that stigmatises mental illness and we've received that messaging for a long time. which makes it feel like the truth, but doesn't mean that it is actually true. i think the bottom line is that you need to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. you wouldn't want them to cut themselves off from asking for help because they've bullied themselves into silence over what people might or might not think of them. if we want to live in a world that truly supports people with mental health issues in an effective way, then we need to hold ourselves to that same standard. i know it's incredibly overwhelming, and im not saying it's wrong to be anxious or scared about reaching out. i just think actively trying to frame it from a more objective mindset could help you accept what is happening and what the right next step is for you. if you have the opportunity to talk to someone - a hotline, your doctor, a local support group or therapist, even a friend/family member to begin with - i really encourage it. even write down what you want to say or bullet point what's been going on so you don't feel like you're being put on the spot. im sure you're imagining all sorts of reactions, but in my experience, professionals are very accepting of what you're going through and just want to work with you to see how you can process and cope with your current mindset more healthily. whether it's medication, talking therapies, showing you new coping skills - there's a lot that can be done for someone in your shoes. you're not stuck and they're not going to judge you. even if, in some alternate reality, you just wanted some attention - that's not a crime. i think it's natural to want someone to witness and acknowledge us when we're hurting anyway. sorry to ramble - there are a lot of depression self help and coping pdfs that are free and available to download online which offer a bit of support. maybe that could be a good stepping stone if you're feeling super uncomfortable with the idea of talking to someone. we all work on our own timeline and thats honestly ok. but if you're looking for truly personalised and effective help then i think working towards talking to someone is your best option. it's okay to not be happy about that and still do it, like swallowing a medicine that tastes gross. otherwise the thoughts just rot inside you and you get lost in a spiral of depressive thinking patterns and it weighs you down having to manage it all alone inside your head. you become at risk of losing all objectivity and sense of self, which happens to me often and is fucking horrible. if it's possible, i really hope you eventually bring this up to a loved one or a professional. im really sorry you're going through this and i truly hope better days are ahead. sending a lot of love. X

[transharmedrabastan]

transid transitioning to a mental illness

(if your transition includes actually getting into the mindset of having the mental illness)

it's very important that you have coping mechanisms. mental illness is very intense.

it's easy to stand on the outside and look in and say "thats what i want". especially if it's something bad or harmful.

i want you to be safe going in (because i'm not going to be so arrogant as to presume i know what you want or need) so here's my recommendations:

-have a calming playlist prepared for any anxiety and dissociation. i really like "cute songs to cope with depression" by Ambition on YouTube. it's my go-to for calming my anxiety to this day.

-have a playlist that has a sad beat but has a positive message for dissociation/depression. super happy songs have always grated on me when in that mood, and super negative songs will just keep me in that mood or make it worse. i like "King" by Lauren Aquilina for this type of mood.

-creativity is your best friend if you're angry or anxious. write and draw what you're feeling. vent as much as you need. and write from experience.

-know what your comfort media is. i will always remember the time i was having a really bad anxiety attack, sobbing and derealizing, the works, and my friend turned on my favorite streamer and i just focused in on it and all but instantly felt better.

-the lighting and cleanliness of your room will affect your mood. this includes colored lights. so if you have those smart lights and you don't like how you're feeling, change the lighting.

-how much you're drinking water and eating will affect your mood. if you're feeling anxious or tired in a way you don't like, you may need to eat something.

-and REMEMBER: if you regret your decision for whatever reason, you can always go back. learning gratitude and compassion works wonders if you want to reverse the changes you've made.

[goldrushzukka]

aidays playlist breakdown: chapter 3

writers block is kicking my ass right now so instead of fulfilling my promise to finish aidays by november im just gonna churn out a couple of these. sorry. (end of the year. probably. writing is really hard.)

here's the fic

here's the playlist

the one by carly rae jepsen

ms carly slay jepsen back at it again with another song about casual sex with absolutely no strings attached at all ever. easy breezy. don't even worry about it.

(ID: "Truth is I never thought of us together / You're just a friend of mine / We should know better, this can't last forever / But kiss me one more time". End ID)

this is sooooo them bc they should know better! they do know better! but here they are anyway! sokka and zuko entered into this thing with the intention of it being unserious and temporary. theyre just people who have sex, and then they become friends who have sex, and then friends starts to turn into something...else. but they've set these boundaries, so they can't be something else, so they pretend it's not happening. they keep saying casual and acting like their feelings aren't there, just to hold on to what they have, in the hopes that it'll be enough.

(ID: "Romance is fine / Pour me some wine / Tell me it's just for the fun of it / Thoughts in your eyes / Hard to deny, but / I don't want love, don't want none of it". End ID)

this part of the song is the most applicable to chapter 3 i think. the scene where sokka asks zuko to catsit while he's away at yue's wedding is so thick with romance it's a wonder they don't fucking choke on it. that whole exchange is so. like. they're lying to themselves. sokka gives zuko a key to his apartment. 24 hour access. a promise not to turn him away, that he is welcome and wanted always. and they both somehow convince themselves (and each other!) that this is a normal thing to offer your casual sex friend. olympic level mental gymnastics happening in that scene.

(ID: "If you want to, you can stay the night / I don't want to be the one, the one / IF you want to, you can hold me tight / I don't want to be the one, the one". End ID)

this is the mindset. sokka gives zuko a key to his apartment, but they're super casual. zuko sleeps better beside sokka than he has his entire life, but they're not dating or anything. they talk every day even if they don't see each other, but it's not like they're in love, right? right. they can do all of these romantic things, make all these gestures and be there for each other, and it's completely fine as long as they remind themselves that it's casual, it's casual, it's casual.

valentine (what's it gonna be) by rina sawayama

another casual relationship banger, but this time it's anxious!!! this song just scratches something in my brain. idk how to describe it i think there's drugs in this

(ID: "I don't think about the future (It doesn't matter) / Or whether we'll stay together (Whether we'll part) / Making promises is dangerous (I'm just a phase) / I'm just your valentine". End ID)

they're casual, right? because anything else -- dating from the start, admitting feelings when they're in the thick of it -- is setting themselves up for failure. they met in a dirty bar and hooked up in the bathroom before going home together, this can't last. this can't be the great love story of their lives, right? right? so this is again, still, the lie they tell themselves. it doesn't matter, it's just a fling, i'm just your valentine.

(ID: "Nowhere else to go / Turn to you but I hope you know / This love is just for show / One night and nothing more". End ID)

the contradiction of "nowhere else to go" and "this love is just for show" is exactly the kind of bullshit zuko and sokka are trying to get away with. this isn't a relationship and there are no real feelings involved and we're just having fun, but no one else would have me and i don't want anyone but you. god. they're so fucking stupid.

house key by scott helman

YEAHHH BABY LET'S GET YEARNY!!!! LET'S GET SOME PINING IN HERE

(ID: "I wanna back splash and a house cat / I wanna make a home for you / I wanna T.V. and a settee / I wanna live alone with you / And when you wake up in the middle of the night / I won't complain if you turn on the light / Beside me you'd be happy you'll see / Can I get your house key? Can I get your house key?". End ID)

this song was not inspiration for this chapter bc i didn't know it existed until i'd already published, but it very well could've been written about this fic. this song is the dead of night, when it's too quiet and dark for anything but the truth. it's all the cards held close to the chest, all the secrets kept even from yourself. the agonising knowledge that this is real, this could be something, it could be everything, it probably already is.

lover by taylor swift

let's just get into it i can't talk about what this song means to me without sounding even more deranged than i already have in this post

(ID: "And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear / Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?". End ID)

this is the thing with zuko and sokka in this fic. they hit it off immediately. they click. the "getting to know you" phase doesn't feel like learning, it's like remembering. it's just like carly rae jepsen says in her smash hit single call me maybe, "before you came into my life, i missed you so bad". always right. anyway this line makes me want to bite my own fingers like carrot sticks

(ID: "Can I go where you go? / Can we always be this close? / Forever and ever, ah / Take me out, and take me home / You're my, my, my, my lover". End ID)

this is what love is. this is it. can i go where you go ("i wish you could be here to see it"), can we always be this close ("do you want to take the long way?"), forever and ever ("i wouldn't want to be stuck with anyone else"). that's love.

(ID: "My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue / All's well that ends well to end up with you / Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover / And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me / And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover". End ID)

this is what i'm TALKING ABOUT!!!!! like!!!! all's well that ends well to end up with you equals nothing safe is worth the drive equals every moment of heartache is worth it to be together at the end!!!!! they have each been through so much, both separately and together. i have personally forced them to have so many problems. but this is what it's all for. this is the goal. this is what they get to have, when the dust settles and the sun finally shines on them: dirty jokes and a spot beside their lover. simple pleasures made grand by true love.

[cottageshadowwitch]

You're right, I didn't ask for my friend's input regarding my path or the deities that I work with. It was so random and I was at work at the time and we're super busy so all I could respond with was, "How do you figure?," because there's a part of me that wants to know more just to see where this person's frame of mind is. I forgot that this is the same person who believes in starseeds and indigo children. I'm pretty sure that I just did the equivalent of a smile-and-nod because I was just really surprised and had never heard of this one before and I have a difficult time trying to tell people off on things that I am not familiar with. To me it definitely holds a dangerous mindset that can have terrible consequences. I fully agree with the whole speaking for deities because that was my first thought. Had this been a random person I'd have likely told them my thoughts but given that it was a friend that I had forgotten was even into this stuff, it threw me off. I feel like I really need to say something to my friend because this is just adding on to a bunch of things that are constant red flags. If I am not mistaken, this is the same friend who also thinks that L*lith is a goddess and is okay to work with and works especially for her. I just wish that I could be as vocal and as strong as you or as I talk to my dad about these issues because when it comes to confronting people who are my buddies, I just get scared, and I know that it's the wrong response to have. What I NEED to do is have the same fire and conviction that I did when I finally went off on a person for trying to tell me what Anubis thinks and how repainting a figure of Anubis is like defacing the Bible, and the person wasn't even a pagan or a witch and thinks that the Burning Times happened and that Wicca is an ancient religion and I just need THAT fire of a response. Even if I lose a friend. Because, honestly, whenever stuff like this happens, it just immediately makes me feel uncomfortable and less willing to share my pagan path with even my friends.

"I'm not sure if I mentioned it in my last ask, but my friend brought up Irish and Scottish heritage being something that the Egyptian deities just love working with due to a Princess Scotia and that person founded Scotland and Ireland. I haven't found anything that states that this was anything more than a myth/legend. But somehow, if you're this, the Egyptian deities just love working with you more. As she told me, the deities she works with from Egypt "call her people 'the sons and daughters of Scotia'." Mind you, she's American, like me and has Irish heritage. I do not. I just feel a really strong connection with Anubis that feels like it came out of nowhere and I feel really anxious about people feeding me stuff that just feels dangerous. I likely had the worst response ever to her, which was just trying to find out more about what she believed in and in the end the conversation went nowhere. For the last two weeks I've been dealing with getting sick twice, my dad getting sick, and work which has had my stress and anxiety level way too high, so I haven't been able to formulate any sort of intelligent response. That and the fact that I'm concerned that when people tell me "don't let anyone dictate to you your pagan path and how you work with your deities" also applies to my friend and so I shouldn't judge, There's a part of me that wants to just take my whole connection with Anubis to her just to see how she'd react to it, but at the same time, it's a highly sensitive and serious matter for me that I haven't even brought up in its entirety with my bestie for the fact that I'd rather work on it by myself and I'm just, I guess for a lack of a better word... scared."

I feel like it's always more difficult to confront friends than strangers or familiy members (as long as one isn't dependent on them anymore that is). So please don't feel bad if you weren't able to voice your thoughts and feelings during a talk.

There is always the option to circle back to that when you've thought about it and feel like you want to talk about it. And there's also always the option to not talk about something. You're allowed to agree to disagree. If that friendship makes you not feel good or safe I'm wondering if it's a healthy friendship for you to stay in though. And I'm saying this as someone who has let go of so-called friends and has also kicked a family member out of her life as a teenager.

So I know how that's being easier said than done but so far there are no regrets and it has helped me greatly. Not saying you should break off the friendship though!

Hopefully you were able to relax and recharge these past few days. Even better if you're still able to do so until next year.

[borderlinebrooke-bpd]

What is Attachment Theory?

According to Wikipedia, Attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans.

Attachment - defined as, a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.”

To elaborate. A need for human connection is naturally embedded in our programming.

In prehistoric times, those that relied on themselves were far less likely to survive than those who had at least one other person close to them. Having someone that intimately cares for you makes you far less susceptible to many kinds of dangers than if you're always "watching your own back." Due to this, over time, our #AttachmentSystem developed and is genetically passed on to ensure our survival.

Your attachment system is the part of you that tracks the availability of your attachment figures, or those you have an intimate bond with. Parents, siblings, partners, children, etc.

Yes, we all have an Attachment System, but the way we attach ourselves to others varies from person to person.

Attachment Theory doesn't care what race, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, or religion you are. Everybody falls under 1 of these 4 categories.

The 4 Attachment Styles:

Anxious Preoccupied:

An #Anxious individual craves intimacy, and their relationships are generally the center of their attention. They have a super sensitive attachment system, always on high alert for anything that might threaten their relationships. The slightest hint of an issue is all it takes to activate this attachment system. (Consuming thoughts and strategies for reestablishing the connection to their loved one.) Once activated, it requires "proof" that the relationship is safe before it will shut back down.

Of all the styles, research suggests that Anxious Preoccupied is the most intuitive to other people's emotions. Jumping to conclusions, however, is not uncommon. It's important for anxious individuals to remember to not jump the gun and react with emotional mind. If wise mind is applied, an anxious individual can hold a pretty powerful intuition card.

Around 20% of the population has an Anxious Preoccupied attachment style.

Dismissive Avoidant:

A #Dismissive individual associates intimacy with a loss of independence and therefore tries to minimize the amount of it in their life. They have the mindset that "my needs are rarely ever met, so I'll just take care of myself."

Avoidants are the worst of all the styles at reading the emotions of others, not only because they try to avoid emotions in general, but also because they don't feel like it's their responsibility to do so. They would far rather downplay the emotion if necessary, than have to face it.

Research also shows that Avoidands don't really date other Avoidans. They also tend to spend more time single than the other styles, so you're more likely to find them in the dating pool than Secure or Anxious individuals. After the mid 20's Secure people are usually married, and anxious people tend to stay in relationships even if they are short-lived.

Disorganized / Fearful Avoidant:

The #Disorganized style has a very hot and cold dynamic as individuals with this style flip back and forth between Anxious and Avoidant. They can idealize someone one day and completely ignore them the next. It's a combination of craving affection and avoiding closeness at all costs.

Luckily, it's the rarest of all the styles, as it's the hardest to live with for obvious reasons. Though it's not ideal, until you become secure, being one or the other, (anxious or avoidant) you are used to the "way you are." Disorganized individuals can flip to anxious or avoidant at any point, depending on what it was that triggered their attachment systems activation.

Around 3-5% of the population has a Disorganized Fearful Avoidant attachment style.

Secure:

A #Secure individual feels comfortable with intimacy and for the most part, has no issue trusting that their needs will consistently be met. They are comfortable with their emotions, and the emotions of others. They don't worry that their partner is cheating, or assume people are going to walk out of their life at any point.

Naturally, reports show that couples with two secure partners tend to be the happiest couples. Surprisingly though, couples with one secure and one insecure partner report around the same level of success. This goes to show that a secure partner can help tremendously in the healing of an insecure partner.

Around 50% of the population has a Secure attachment style.

Each of the Attachment Styles differ in a lot of ways. Such as views on intimacy, relationship expectations, sexual preference, fighting style and conflict resolution, communication skills, and the way we interpret things.

When we speak, only 7% of the message is conveyed by the actual words we say. 93% of the message is conveyed through tone, body language, facial expressions, etc.

If I could recommend one thing to all families and couples involving a member that is Anxious, Avoidant, or Disorganized. It would be to learn as much as you can about Attachment Theory and your particular Attachment Styles. Knowing is the first step to healing, but also to preventing avoidable conflicts.

With effort and determination, you can work together towards a Secure Attachment for all.

Be sure you don't confuse an activated attachment system with love. This is NOT what nature intended for you.

-Borderline Brooke

[kopivie]

oh! and about violet and our last night together..

(i talk about him a lot...)

i got my hair done friday morning, so that same night, i went to go see him. some nice ginger and blonde senegalese twists! it's one thing to feel like i look good, but from the time i entered to the time i left saturday afternoon, he kept complimenting me. sometimes i feel like "complimenting" isn't the right word though, because the way he says these things is so... personal.

to me, compliments are distant. you get them from strangers in passing or acquaintances you're cordial with. there's a strange distance in the word "compliment" that i have trouble explaining. but when friends or loved ones comment positively on things you do or how you look, i feel like there should be a stronger word for it because of the emotions those words can evoke. maybe there is a word and i'm just not thinking clearly... but that's how violet made me feel.

it's a little silly, but violet has these beautiful hazel eyes. my big strong guy with the prettiest eyes and charming smile. he joked about how people with blue eyes are always looking at people with their eyes widened, and i told him that he does the same thing. i was joking, of course, but the look on his face was priceless. that said, his eyes are never super wide when he's looking at me (unless he's being goofy). and it's... overwhelming, to say the least.

his eyes are always a little more hooded when he looks at me... and there's always a little smile on his face. i'm in the habit of covering his eyes whenever i can simply because i worry that i'm going to blush.

"what are you looking at?" i always ask him.

"you," is always his immediate response. depending on the tone of the conversation, his delivery will change... but his answer never does. he's always looking at me.

violet thinks i'm cute. that's something he never hesitates to tell me – and friday was no exception. he made absolutely sure to inform me that i'm cute every chance he got.

that, and less than five minutes into being at his house, he tossed me over his shoulder. literally. started spinning in circles, too. don't ask me why.

lately, violet's been making a few comments in passing that have made me... anxious. not in a bad way necessarily, but they always leave me dumbfounded. he'd mention things about how he can't wait to be a father someday, or how someday soon, we'll... stop having to be so careful. he's been talking about the future and very careful to include me in it. like, he sees me in his future. and that's not a problem, mind you. not at all. i'm just...

it's hard to see him or see his texts without wanting to tell him that i love him. because i love him. i say that a lot. i love violet. i love my big, strong, hazel-eyed childhood sweetheart. i love his faults, i love his opinions, i love his lifestyle and his mindset. i love his resilience and i love his method of teaching. i love his strength, both physical and mental. i love him. i'm in love with him. i loved him then and i love him now.

i just... i don't want to say it just yet. i worry that i'll scare him off. i doubt that i will, but... i have to find the right time and place. i can talk to him about it i'm sure, but... i don't know. i'll be patient.

the point is that my final visit with him really solidified my feelings for him. i was fence sitting for a while because of the lack of security provided by the relationship title. and honestly, i was willing to let him go if he started pursuing others in my absence. but... he doesn't seem to want to do that. he wants me and i want him, and... i love him.

and i want to tell him so fucking badly, dude.

[terrifickid]

super ok

No I'm super ok about everything. feel really good and it's becoming easier and easier for me to keep in a kind of non 'what if' scenario. I just simply don't want to drink more sodas or go each sandwiches. I don't see any problem with donating my property.

the idea of actually choking in water seems cold and unpleasant.

It seems unreal.

but kind of like self-immolation - I think it could be possible to do calmly. there's just some feeling inside that demands I be happy or something. like surely I could sell the house into bitcoin and just chill in a hammock anywhere and probably be fine. But, that would be the same as eating glass to me, or getting braces again or something - just so totally foreign and weird of an idea.

It's not a forgone conclusion of course, and I don't really believe - because that sort of thing is like dual and also kind of anxiety and fear projections which I'm not doing. I just, see my imminent life. It feels like I'm moving into life. I don't feel like 'goodbye cruel world' I feel like, 'hey wait a minute...'. - it's strange, I just feel right at home, perfectly here - having a great time finally.

It's more a feeling of understanding that there's nothing I can do rather that worrying. I dunno, I just won't abide in this kind of grappling panic.

I have kind of a reverse headache and a reverse confusion. That I know I'll never die. I understand that I won't. Thats my experience.

I dunno, I'm wrong all the time. all the time. everytime really. Kind of like getting ready for a trip, you know the date is coming and you're not locking the door today but you know your bus is going to be there and - sort of like that - it's not time to start packing yet - but you get into the packing mindset when it is. Like I'm just going on a trip.

I can't live with my uncle or take money from my family. I just couldn't live with myself - it's not a matter of pride or anything. It just goes against my conscience and would feel anxious. Waiting for checks, talking with them - what then? Like, just not the time for a hail mary. I've been in soo much worse situations. I've literally been out of money in switzerland. I had to convince random strangers to give me thousands of dollars. And I did it in a day - got my flight. I've been through so many impossible and just stomach churning impossible hopeless nights. Really my whole life. This is the easiest challenge I've ever faced. Dunno, I just don't have faith in people. That, your world can't be redeemed. That we can't be together ever.

But, I'm not out of here because FU or anything like that. Along with that feeling of completeness is this sense of like buble feeling good new life. It's not a break up in the sense of these certain people or this continent. Not really that song is a little desperate. But theres yang there's - well there's this deep sense of divinity which is almost like a sense of etiquette really....

That's interesting because I was reading about how social signifiers act as a language for ingroup verification.

So a sense of life of entering into life.

I'm not shopping for boats. That doesn't seem possible - will I really drown myself in el salvador? really?

So I imagine I will stay within this energy spiral of present being. And I guess by continuing down this tunnel I'll get there. It takes me to breakfast. I don't feel like I'm going to breakfast I feel like I'm in the energy tunnel. It feels good. I want to be here.

[crown-prince-zuko]

you're not alone!! most important is to remember that you don't have to live your life according to any rules. if you think you're just generally not attracted to men it doesn't necessarily say anything about you and you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why. not sure that really helps but for what it's worth, almost every queer person I know bounces in and out of labels all the time :) attraction is fluid and weird! good luck figuring it all out!

Thank you so much!!!

Labels are so hard and odd because I feel like everyone has a different version of what they define what as yknow? I get super confused especially bc I was raised Southern Baptist, so it feels like even though I don’t identify as a woman, since I’m AFAB there’s like comphet??? But not necessarily comphet since I’m like gender-queer/trans (? Not sure if there’s a word for that, basically bc I’m AFAB i feel like if I say I don’t like men at all then like idk why but it makes me anxious. Talking point for therapy I guess.)

But genuinely hearing another person say “no rules” helps. Being autistic and constantly intaking like all these “rules” or strict definitions on how to be lgbt really messes w me just bc it’s like “oh these are the outlines I’m gonna take these incredibly literally and believe this is the strict definition of that term” and breaking out of that mindset can be a challenge.

[i-jxta]

July 2, 2023 | Sunday | 12:34AM

This entry is going to be super different from the things I usually write here because it's a lot more positive than usual. Actually, it's the first positive entry I've ever written here. It's only been 8 days since my last entry but I've done a lot of thinking since then, I've faced a lot of facts. I've known for a while now, but it's a hard fact to accept. The fact that my mom emotionally abused me my entire life. I haven't fully come to understand the abuse she's put me through so I can't go into detail. I know she only loves me conditionally, if I changed my hair, got a tattoo, got a piercing, came home later than the time she expects me home, told her I was bisexual, or told her anything that contradicts the version of me she has spent so much time imagining, even before I was born she'd stop loving me. This is a good thing. The fact that I've come to understand that I experienced a weird, confusing, and abusive childhood. I haven't been able to develop at all as a person, I am merely an extension of my mother. Now, that I've realized this though I can start developing who I am without my mom's judgment. Be who I am without fearing whether mom is going to have a tantrum.

I have also become interested in attachment styles and I began researching mine, which is an anxious attachment style. I've decided I don't want to keep myself in a loop of pain and suffering. If you look back at all my entries you'll see how repetitive they are. Feeling the same thing over and over again and not doing anything about it. Maybe, I wasn't ready back then and I'm not upset at myself for not choosing to heal sooner. In fact, it was probably best I stayed in that mindset at the time to protect myself. Things are different now because I am no longer a child. I can take care of myself in better ways. With BPD, I regress into this child-like state of mind anytime I feel a negative emotion. If someone pisses me off, I either have an outburst, try to hurt their feelings, or go silent. I can't talk about the way I feel because I don't feel safe doing so, I don't have the words to explain how much pain I am in or how much you just pissed me off. I just don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't like having BPD, I want it to go away. I want to live and feel some fucking peace and joy LOL.

I heard something today that got me thinking. It was "Evidence doesn't create beliefs. Beliefs create your evidence" and basically it has to do with the subconscious mind and I can't possibly explain that in a way that'll make sense right now. But it basically means that if you believe something like "I'm ugly and unloveable" you will experience things that will confirm that you're ugly and unloveable. That's what you're telling yourself, so why would you experience the opposite? Even if you did you wouldn't notice, or you wouldn't believe it. For example, I had a deep issue with not understanding things. If I didn't understand something immediately then I must be stupid or untalented. Even if someone's intentions were not to make me feel stupid, I'd feel stupid. That is my perception and belief. I challenged myself and asked myself why? Why does me not understanding something = I am stupid? Who taught me that? Who told me that? When I was learning how to write (as a little baby child) my sister got super mad at me for not knowing how to write the letter B. I saw that frustration and anger and her and thought to myself that it was bad to not understand. If I didn't understand quick enough then people would get mad at me, I'd be stupid, I'd be a bad person.

What makes it so bad though? A willingness to understand is a willingness to learn. Some things I understand quickly and I'm a natural at. Other things take me a little more time to understand and why is that such a bad thing? I understand some things and some things I don't, but that doesn't change the fact that I am intelligent. It's so important to have some sort of compassion for yourself. I'm so incredibly hard on myself and I deserve to treat myself with kindness. That's what'd I'd want from other people, so I need to be kind to myself first. When you hate yourself, it is easy to hate everyone else as well. I've gotten mad at a couple of people for not being fast learners. Why? because I was taught that was a bad thing. I hated myself for not always being a fast learner, so I hated other people for not being fast learners. It's one less thing I have to be upset about.

God does it feel good to let SOMETHING go.

[starling-ria]

how I escaped a crippling phone addiction and anxiety during the pandemic with the law of assumption

during the pandemic my mental health took a nosedive for the worst. like many other people I turned to tik tok, social media, etc to pass the time. it was also when I began university so a major transition in my life has been interrupted. I was constantly on my phone, like CONSTANTLY. when I'm doing dishes, cooking, before bed, in the washroom, etc. it was so bad that whenever I put my phone down for more than a minute I got antsy and super anxious. whenever I'm not on my phone I had to have my headphones in. this completely destroyed my mental health and attention span. I wasn't sleeping properly and I've developed a major brain fog. then, I started applying the law of assumption.

step 1: delete tik tok

- self explanatory, it was destroying my attention span

step 2: daily self affirmation that I don't need my phone

- I used subliminals that improved my overall mindset and self affirmed that I'm free from all addiction and reliance on my phone

step 3: rip the bandaid off and take action

- I started putting my phone away when I'm doing menial tasks like chores or reading

- I stopped putting headphones in when I'm outside

- I put my phone in unreachable locations

- I had faith that I was living in the end, that I already had results and that I'm free from my addiction. I persisted.

I feel so much better now, I can think more clearly and focus on things for more than 6 seconds.

if you're struggling with a similar thing, I urge you try! if you don't break the pattern today, the loop will begin tomorrow. remember that your in control, and consistency is key!

[daisys-reality]

i’m going to try my best to explain this hopefully it isn’t confusing

have you ever been in a cycle of doubting your power despite having your power prove itself to you over and over again? i know that i’m powerful but it feels like i’m in an endless cycle of knowing my power doubting my power falling victim to the 3D overthinking and over analyzing everything within the 3D resulting it effecting my 4D causing panic overthinking and unwanted thoughts then telling myself that i got this but having the process start over and over again

i want the best for myself but i’m not quite sure how to go about it i don’t want to have a victim mentality anymore i don’t want to constantly repeat the same cycle over and over again because it’s exhausting and part of me feels like not everyone understands that most of us don’t want to be victims anymore and believe it or not it’s scary

Don't worry your explanation was fine, I get you.

I've been through such circles too, but it happens alot less (thank god). I used to be a full time overthinker and more often than not a "realist" because I've been told dozen of times that I should be more realistic and less delusional when I was younger... Guess what happened then :')

As a child, I was a daydreamer and optimistic that I can do anything I want to but I lost that spirit a bit while growing up because I was pressured to suppress it. As a result I created the habit of overthinking and questioning certain things and I was more careful with who I share my thoughts with - to not be judged or called 'delusional' again... God I hated that word so much in the past because of the way it was said to me (with a negative connotation).

I had a victim mindset too because it made the pain and "the void" (not the void you think) within me more bearable. All those years the victim mentality helped me and brought me comfort in a away. So, releasing that mindset was scary for me too. It was a slow process honestly but giving me enough time was the best I could do for me. So, I totally understand you.

In the last 2 years, while working with myself and while getting to know the magical side of this world. I came to accept that 'delusional' side of me. It's just how I am and I truly enjoy daydreaming and fantasizing and being confident in myself and in my skills. I'm not gonna limit myself anymore by other people. And you know what the fact that being delusional makes me even more powerful than all those people who judged me for it, makes it even more better.

I freed myself from that "realistic" box thinking. This world is magical and limitless - and you are one of the few people who get to know about it. That's like a huge secret revealed! Ofc you might be sceptical at first but I tell you this is real!

You know people sometimes say be careful with overconsuming information which I agree with to some point. But I personally feel like the more loa content is a daily topic for me, the normal it becomes to me. (Mind you, I only use tumblr and pinterest as social media and nothing else atm.) Of course I don't read all the new info posts or methods but seeing so many people talking about it daily like it's a super normal everyday topic for this society makes it more normal and true for me and my formerly anxious mind too.

Also, another thing I did was asking for signs of confirmation. One of them was angel numbers to show me that I'm on the right track and I get to see really a lot of angel numbers which just gives me confidence and random boost of happiness throughout the day😭❤️ You know you can just ask for something small or big it doesn't matter but it'll definitely keep you optimistic especially when you have an anxious mind!

In addition, I think it would be better if you don't see it as "repeating the circle" or "starting over again" because even if it feels like that to you, you still made progress and you're not starting from the same point of view. Try to see the progress you make and appreciate it more. And pls don't undermine it. You're constantly moving closer to your desires, there is no way that you move back or stand still- at least not energy wise... There is always only forward movement.

- daisy 🌼

[thatwitchrevan]

So this isn't inspired by anything except that some of the dreams I've had lately involve hotels and I find that interesting and I just feel like talking about this: my weirdest trigger is hotels.

Obviously I'm talking about triggers and in this case anxiety and anxiety/panic attacks so please scroll if you're not up for reading that, but I'm gonna keep it pretty light and I'm not in any significant stress rn so don't worry.

So yeah, I'm triggered by hotels a bit. Mostly being in them rather than seeing images of motels or thinking about them, although the concept in abstract can kind of make me feel melancholy or dwell on upset feelings. And there's no distinction here between hotels or motels.

The reason is that when my parents split up, me and my brothers and mom stayed in a hotel for about a week while my dad moved his stuff out. It felt alien and wrong and sad and lonely. I was going thru Lots of Stuff. I had my first major panic attack while staying there, and overall I just hated it. I couldn't sleep, I hated going from there to school and having to pretend everything was fine, but I also didn't want to tell my school friends "yeah, my parents are getting divorced and we're living out of a hotel for a few days and I'm starting to become aware just how deeply messed up I am. Anyway what's up with you?"

I probably could've, but I kinda would rather die. So I'm dealing with all of this basically alone because my siblings are kids and my mom's my mom. So I got a very negative association with hotels.

The thing is, I generally like hotels. Both before and after this incident I've enjoyed staying in them, at least when they're nice. I usually don't sleep well in places that aren't home but there's so much novelty in staying in a hotel and I love traveling. When me and my mom went to New Orleans we stayed in a really nice, really old hotel that was just gorgeous, and I loved it. But I also feel just a little uneasy and sad every time I'm in one, even like 8 years later.

So it's interesting that my brain sometimes throws hotels at me in my dreams. It makes sense, I've got both good and bad associations with them.

Anyway, I bring this up partly because I like to ramble and partly because I think it's important to represent the fact that triggers are varied. Innocuous things can be triggers and different triggers will affect you differently. I've got some things I won't bring up or think about because they just always upset me, and I've got things that have the potential to make me anxious or depressed but can also be fine in the right circumstances/mindset, and I've got things that I've got to prepare myself for or do some quick self-soothing damage control to prevent an episode.

Human minds are complex! Therefore so are our triggers.

And to be clear this is not something I ever need or want anyone to tag for me or avoid talking about. I've been in hotels in the past year and been just fine, this is one of those things I've got a handle on and/or doesn't affect me that severely anymore. However I firmly believe it's okay if you do need to avoid innocuous triggers sometimes and it's okay to ask, within reason, for people to tag certain stuff for you, with the understanding that everyday things can't always be avoided or treated the same as more serious and urgent things. That's a whole discussion with a lot of nuance but bottom line is no one should ever be shamed for what triggers them.

Also hotels are both liminal spaces and super versatile settings for all kind of fiction and I'm into it.

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Sorry if this is rude or controversial but personally I don't feel inspired to write a long review documenting what I liked and how I felt when an author doesn't respond to it. I know you say that you read them but it's very similar to your issue in that if there's no acknowledgement then you're not inspired. I don't feel inspired to comment anymore. This goes to you and plenty of other authors out there.

It -is- rude, anon (I appreciate your politeness, but this is a huge problem with fandoms as a whole and it is rude af). And not just controversial– it’s mean, unfair, entitled, and selfish. You’re definitely not putting yourself in a writer’s shoes or seeing it from the side of the creator who is putting the work out there for you to freely consume. Have you ever in your life spent eight hours to write a comment to someone on something they wrote? Yeah, no one has. But that’s how long it can take to get a chapter said and done that you enjoyed. You think that’s a fair distribution of work? Fair by any means?

Me: Spends 8-12hrs of my collective free time writing an 8-10k words chapter update, hopes for a few sentences of what someone likes.

You: Before I even consider writing what I liked, I’m just not gonna do it because the writer won’t acknowledge me for me leaving them a comment.

Also you: why hasn’t this fic updated yet wtf?

Let me see if I can get this straight by what facts have been presented: you want fic which you enjoy reading, which writers spend hours and hours putting work into, and the writer wants 60 seconds of a reader’s time back to say what they enjoyed (not 60 straight seconds of typing mind– that’s quite a lot- but more than a quick “thanks loved it”), and you consider it -unfair- that -you- should spend the time to let the writer know you liked stuff, if the writer doesn’t reply back to you after they’ve already spent hours producing content you probably spent less than 1hr consuming (average reading speed being about ~200wpm).

So it’s not worth it to you to support your writer or let them know the content you’re consuming– again, for -free-, and shared by the writer who already knows the story in their mind and has no other incentive to share it publicly with others except for the incentive of getting comments from others– was enjoyed by you unless they personally get back to you (and by that merit, every other person who comments, which takes away from other time that could be spent writing) so therefore you don’t leave a nice comment? Writers aren’t mind readers, if you want to engage in conversation, go for it! Have a question? Chances are they’ll answer it!

If someone leaves me a question or wants some clarification on something (or is inviting conversation of ‘hey is this happening in this au?’ or proposing something or whatever), I end up answering the comment. If there’s no question, I put what free time I have -back- into producing more content I post online for others to read for free, and when they comment, I flip my shit and typity type type up a storm.

Commenting is like tipping someone for their service. “Hey thanks for the service, I really enjoyed my meal, here’s your tip.” But you only tip if I’m tipping you -back-, anon? What? Like I’m not even sure what you expect back from a writer (if it’s a question answered, yeah, that’s something) but like, do you want accolades back just for commenting? o_O?

And let’s just drop the service/meal analogy all together (cuz you didn’t pay for the fic in the first place, yeah?), and say, you really think you’re entitled to read work without giving back? Aaaaall these choices online, you get to read what you enjoy, and you don’t think you owe someone the courtesy to leave something nice? Or are you feeling guilty and don’t like that I’m calling that shit out? It’s not cool, dude. It’s not nice, nor is it at all a fair thing for you to say or take exception to. It’s WRONG that people stop commenting. That shouldn’t even be controversial jfc like are you aware a lot of writers fully delete their shit because they think people don’t care? You think you’re not part of the problem?

I want to take a second to say I appreciate you being polite, and if you’ve been on my blog for a while you know how fucking ornery shit like this makes me, I don’t know your situation (some folks don’t have the spoons and that’s fair; but this is not your stated case) and it just REALLY pisses me off that it can come off as me, a writer, being seen as some raging bitch just because I think writers should be given their fair due for the massive amounts of work out in. Did you see the post earlier on “just how long is this fanfic?” and it compares them to books? No one is getting paid to write and publish the shit you enjoy (some fic writers do patreon but that’s a minority, and some folks are cool and buy kofis for their writers but it’s not required to read the work).

I'ts a thankless fucking job putting up fic. The best we hope for is a nice comment back about how someone is enjoying the piece. Artsy folks contribute sometimes not in commenting, but drawing art of your shit, because your work inspired them– and thusly added to more stuff for the community to enjoy, which is just fucking RAD. Commenting is GOOD and a productive thing, but I’m still lost over how you think you need a reply back when the writer already gave you so much.

Being on both sides of the argument myself– as someone who -does- leave longer comments and also writes a fuckton– and i’m nearly at 1million words in 3years anon so you don’t have a leg to stand on here unless you expose your identity and have something comparable that you’ve provided free of charge to the fandom at large- I will say this: leaving the longer, documenting comments as you call it -can- take a bit more effort, yes. I’ve got panic disorder, and wanting to leave writers something nice for the effort they put in can make me anxious, yes. It’s more work and can be daunting. But it is SO worth it for the payoff (I.e. Fueling the writer which has them create even MORE).

But seeing the rate at which writers get -discouraged- cuz of lack of feedback on truly awesome work (and a LOT of us creative types are somewhere on the depressive spectrum, comments mean more to a writer than you think) I can stand to put in a little extra effort for how much the relief of escape of reading their freely-available work gives me. I don’t need to ego-pat, but letting them know I appreciate their command of language or little things I haven’t seen before in fic can make SUCH a difference.

And sometimes I just don’t have the time for a documenting-type comment (esp. as a lot of us read in bed when we’re already exhausted; I understand that), and as someone with a busy life outside of the internet, I’ll still leave a nice comment with general impressions and let them know I’m anxious for the next update and I’m loving what they’re doing with characters/storyline/whatever stood out after reading 8,000+ words. Hell anon, there are enough super-popular posts floating around this hellsite about how much a goddamn -keysmash- comment means to someone. There’s a lot of emotion in one of those is the silly thing, but it communicates a LOT.

I can leave writers more than a 1% word tip, if you will, for what they give me. 8 well-meant words on an 8k fic is still better than “thanks I loved it”. And I don’t expect writers to have to thank me profusely for leaving them a comment. They ALREADY did me a favor by putting so much work and time into an enjoyable story for me. They didn’t get revenue from me buying their book. But I sure as hell read it. And they definitely don’t need to waste their time with a generic “thank you” reply when I already know they’ve gotten the notification that the comment is there, and they will see it. They should enjoy the comment I left as much as I enjoyed the story, in my opinion, and sometimes I think my comments fall short, but I still leave several nice sentences for them.

Fandom as a whole does NOT do right by its content creators. No, no one can be 100% on all the damn time, let alone have the spoons to do it. I’m a prime example of fandom burnout.

But to feel justified not giving back? That is some fucked up shit, and people with those mindsets don’t deserve the access they have to so much awesome fanart/fanfic out there, and yes, you should feel ashamed.