#and if you maybe wanna fuck me before during or after I’d actually love that

[gardenvarietycryptid]

I’m very cute and sleepy and no one is cuddling me, this is a travesty

[lxnarphase]

━━ ❝ it's sticky, toshi... ❞

ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...synopsis : you help ushijima finally realize that he's got a breeding kink

ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...cw : u. wakatoshi x fem!reader, dirty talk, messy and wet, teasing, marathon sex, pet names, breeding kink, talks of pregnancy, ushijima can't stop cumming

ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...lunar's note : haikyuu save me, save me ushijima wakatoshi, SAVE ME !! anyways hi i spent 150$ on ushijima merch yesterday and i don't regret it, so say hello to my haikyuu phase coming back !!!

ushijima having a breeding kink isn't a surprise to you at all.

what is surprising is how long it takes for him to figure it out.

sure, at first it wasn't clear, but after being with him for so long, you quickly pick up on whenever he'd mutter in your ear as he slid his stupidly big cock inside of you, saying how badly he wished he could cum inside of you instead in the condom.

afterwards, he's so focused on cleaning you up and making sure you felt good and satisfied, you don't get a chance to question him on it. not that you were complaining, ushijima is so cute when he's asking if you need anything and constantly reminds you to get up and go use the bathroom.

it's even cuter when he realizes you can't walk.

"ah. i'm sorry, i didn't realize how hard i went...here, let me help."

eventually, you to suggest things to ushijima, trying to test out the waters with him.

you start by just asking if he’d want to fuck you without the condom, what he thought about cumming inside, even jokingly saying you’d make him a dad one day.

but it seems like that last part was swimming around his head for a while...he can't get the thought of you getting chubby and round with his kid out of your head. and knowing he'd be able to take care of you all the time? that thought alone made him shiver a little.

what can he say, he loves doting on you more than anything.

however, you aren't expecting the way he reacted weeks after dealing with your teasing and questioning, fueling the thoughts swirling inside his head.

"toshi, if you ever cum inside me, you should set it as your phone background! actually, wait, no, because what if your teammates see it..."

"..."

"mm, maybe a video instead? ooh, yeah, i want a video of you cumming in me then pullin' out so i can see it spill out, toshtosh, would you do that f' me?"

he doesn't reply and doesn't give you a chance to comment again. the visual you painted in his mind just too much for him.

next thing you know, ushi's got you folded in half on the bed, making sure you feel every drag of his stupidly fat cock against your hot gummy walls. he's pulling out to just the tip before slamming back inside you, groaning each time you let out a whimper of his name or squeeze down on him.

"toshi, t-toshi! h-hoohmygod, please, baby, c-calm down, 'm sorry f' teasin', oh my goddd...!"

you're so fucking wet and noisy, he wants to make you be quiet because he feels like your going to make him cum too fast but he'd never ever do it as the thought of not being able to hear you is painful.

he's lost track of time, your cunt making him brainless as he pumps his cock in and out of you as he groans your name, one of his hands pinning your arms to your back while the other presses your head into the pillows.

"s-shhh, honey, let...let me make you feel good, y're so loud..."

it's so fucking messy and sloppy, his cum is dripping out of your tight pussy from how many times he’s emptied his load into you, but he still isn’t stopping, no, he can't. it’s leaking from between your thighs, leaving a milky white sheen on his dick, dripping down onto the bedsheets.

"m-mmh, nooo, toshi, don' wanna be quiet, i-i wan' you to hear how good you make me feel, baby," you purr between moans, knowing that your voice was enough to get him off. the throb of his dick inside of you told you that you were right.

“i...i thought 'bout fucking you like this all day, during practice…that i’d fuck you full of my cum, get it so deep inside you," he mutters with a grunt, moving his hands off you so he could drape himself over your back.

"f-fuck, everyone knew something was off, kageyama kept asking me if-if was okay, how 'm i 'posed to tell him my pretty little honey is waiting at home for me to fill them with my cum?”

with an affirming coo, you manage to tilt your head to the side to look over your shoulder, wanting to see how ushijima is holding up and god, the sight is so sinful.

ushijima's dripping in sweat, his bottom lip swollen and puffy from his teeth digging into it. his fluffy hair is messy and sticking to his damp forehead, and his eyes are shut, squeezing in pleasure when the head of his cock brushed against that sweet spot just right, making your cunt spasm around him.

but his eyes keep opening to see the mess between the both of you. each thrust causes his cum to spill out around him, loud, wet squelches filling the bedroom. and it's only fueling his need to fill you up again, and again, and again, until he can’t anymore.

ushijima can’t stop himself, flipping you over onto your back and folding you into a mating press and, god, he's so fucking happy he did. the way you sob his name, your nails clawing at his back as you cry in pleasure about how much deeper he is now driving him insane.

“t-toshi, cum in me, please, wanna make you a daddy, please.” “I know, baby, I’ll give you all of it, fuck you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”

“i-i know, honey, i’ll give you all of it, stuff you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”

fuck, he’s so loud, he sounds so good. ushi's deep, drawn out groans and pants of your name making you go dizzy, his big hands squeezing your waist tightly each time your hands tug at his hair.

“mm, fuck, that’s right, take all my cum, look at you, so good, can you take more? let...let me cum in you again, baby, you promised you’d make me a daddy, right? i-i need to make sure it sticks.”

all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work

[pupkashi]

the jjk men flirting

including gojo satoru, nanami kento, fushiguro megumi, itadori yuji, inumaki toge, okkotsu yuta, fushiguro toji

a/n: hi hi ! back after a while with these flirting hcs :] i hope they aren’t too ooc i tried to make them fit but i do not know the first thing about flirting I’m sorry I’m not a player </3

masterlist

— gojo satoru !

everyone says he’s so flirty and so smooth w it and I’m not saying i disagree but i am saying when he realizes he has actual real feelings for someone his rizz goes out the window

he starts second guessing all his pick up lines and all his flirting tactics

does not know how to act around you anymore because you don’t want someone who never takes things seriously so he has to be more serious, right?

where he would usually make a joke he tries to be more serious

when he doesn’t laugh at your “that’s what she said” joke you get a little suspicious, worried that something was wrong with him

gojo only grew more flustered when you looked at him with concerned eyes and voice as sweet as honey

starts to go back to normal when you tell him you miss his usual self, back making jokes and flirty remarks your way

“y/n have you always looked so beautiful during sunset?” “you like coffee? that’s crazy i do too! how about we go on a coffee date”

when you don’t pick up the hint he grows a bit frustrated, trying to hang out with you alone more, his flirty remarks are out the window and he’s just telling you how he feels at that point

“if you wear that outfit again i might just ask you to be mine” “very funny satoru” (he wants to rip his hair out)

— nanami kento !

makes you swoon so fucking easily it’s embarrassing

absolute dream of a man everyone wants him but he wants you so bad he’s running around town finding the best florist to buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers only to hand them to you later and say “i saw them on my way here so i thought why not”

will start getting you small things, picks you flowers from the side of the road or sidewalk, if you guys walk together he’ll give them to you then and there

constantly compliments you, “you looks so pretty like that,” “your hair looks nice styled this way”

notices small things about you and points them out, knows when you get your eyebrows done or a small haircut

it’s pretty obvious when he flirts because he is just straight up smiling at you calling you pretty and asking you on a date but in the most subtle charming way possible

finds himself staring at you an unhealthy amount of times, finds your mannerisms so heart warming

will pick up your hobbies so you could spend time together or have someone to talk about it to

he’ll offer to cook for you and invites you to his apartment often for any small thing,,, “i lost my tv remote and i can’t find it, do you wanna come help? I’ll buy you dinner”

he is just so fucking charming and such a gentleman because he wants you so bad and he’s determined to win your heart over no matter how long it take

— fushiguro mergumi !

so awkward and endearing it hurts your heart

he’ll scowl less around you, smiling at any small comments you make and occasionally chuckling at your bad jokes

does not know how to approach you at all, he’ll opt to just trying to be around you in hopes of getting you alone to talk to just you and not the others

“so i was thinking maybe we could go eat somewhere, together?” his smile was small and his cheeks were pink as you smiled back at him, “I’d love that!” you replied, about to speak up again but you were interrupted by yuji’s arm wrapping around your shoulder

“we’re gonna go out to eat? I’ll tell kugasaki!” neither of you could stop your pink haired friend before he was off to tell nobara, megumi would frown but you’d nudge him, offering a sympathetic smile and squeezing his arm

will make you a playlist with his music ke ‘songs that remind me of u’ or music he thinks you’d like (makes sure to put a good amount of love songs so that maybe you’d get the hint)

he’ll watch your favorite shows or movies without you knowing so next time you bring it up he can talk to you about it

memorizes all your favorite things you say in passing, when the opportunity arises he’ll make it known that yeah, he remembered what your favorite starburst flavor was and yeah he bought a pack and saved all of your favorites to give to you the next day

will probably harbor a crush for a while before he gives up on his own methods and begrudgingly asks gojo how to flirt

gojo will smile at him, tell him he’s doing fine and send him on his merry way because although megumi doesn’t notice the way you check yourself in your camera when megumi walks over, or the way you giggle at his every word, gojo certainly does

— itadori yuji !

absolute angel of a boy

will do absolutely every cliche thing when he has a crush on someone

buys you lunch, shares headphones with you, walks you home, texts you late at night funny videos or memes, calls you for hours on end, tells you terrible jokes

he’d probably blush a bit anytime you’re sitting next to him because he can almost feel the heat radiating off you and it’s driving him insane

he’ll try his best to flirt but just comes off as a little insane, so he sticks to being himself and hoping making you laugh is enough to win your heart

when he compliments you his cheeks get soooo rosy and he fumbles over his words, sometimes he’ll fidget with his fingers and he just looks so cute how can you not graciously accept the compliment

always includes you in activities even in times where you have no reason to be there

“fushiguro and i were gonna go play some volleyball with the other guys you wanna come?” “i have never touched a volleyball in my life” “great! I’ll save you a spot on the team”

he just wants to spend time with you !! how can you say no to him ?? (his team won solely because his athletic prowess overshadowed your terrible serves)

won’t brush his feelings off, he knows he likes you and he’s not gonna try and hide it (to an extent) especially not when he wants you to know he likes you so that you can make a move if you’re comfortable with it

in the meantime he’ll continue to spend his nights on FaceTime with you, making you giggle, buying you lunch and sharing headphones (wired ones he bought after he ‘lost’ his Bluetooth ones) with you on late night walks together, blushing and grinning when your hands brushed against one another

— inumaki toge !

the fucking cutest little menace

at first is a little shy, grins so much when you talk to him and is always keeping an eye out for you wherever he is

is so so so sweet but also such a little shit about it 😭😭😭😭

the kind to tell you he knows a really nice place where they make you’re favorite meal but the only way he’ll tell you where it’s at is if you go with him

finds anyway possible to make you blush !!!!!!

“i really like your sweater inumaki” “salmon?” you nod with a small smile, there’s a small smirk on his face before he’s taking it off, the white t shirt underneath riding up along with it, his toned abdomen flashing before your eyes and your cheeks are burning

it doesn’t go unnoticed by the cursed speech user, a smirk on his face, he places the sweater if your hand, before promptly signing “it’ll look better on you anyway”

if you keep denying it despite very obviously wanting to take it he’ll lean in a little, press the sweater a little more into your hands and mumble “take the sweater” his eyes glimmering and you can’t even be upset that he used his cursed speech on you

likes being close to you as much as he can, will spend hours on end listening to you talk, pays so much attention to every word that leaves your mouth, he hangs on your every word

he isnt beyond using his cursed speech to get people to move just so he can sit next to you, even his poor yuta isn’t safe from his friend when it comes to you (he’s too enamored by you, can he really be blamed :(()

shows his feelings in every possible way: getting you things you like, spending time with you, enjoying your hobbies/interests, cheesy pickup lines, teasing you relentlessly

the kind of flirt that makes you blush and squeak telling him to stop but you secretly hope he doesn’t because it’s making you fall more and more for him

“toge are wearing shorts underneath your shorts?” “you’re checking me out a little too hard y/n, why are you noticing that” your face would flush as you tried to scramble for an excuse and the sorcerer will only sit back and have a lazy grin on his face

such a menace but he’s sure to balance the teasing out with endless showers of compliments to make you blush and hours on end of time spent together hoping that you’ll fall as hard as he is <3

— okkotsu yuta !

so sweet and shy and has no idea how to flirt so he immediately googles it

reads something about longing stares and thoughtful questions so he rolls with it, locking his phone and walking up to you

“hi y/n” he smiles, you grin back and return the greeting, “are there more doors or wheels in the world?” he looks at you, trying his best to imitate the guy in the picture he saw but is only met with a confused expression on your face, “are you gonna throw up on me or something?”

yuta never trusted google again

sticks to what toge and the others have told him about just being himself and trying to spend time with you

would walk you home or go with you places you didn’t wanna go alone (that’s how he got roped into going to the mall an entire day)

will help you with tasks you struggle with, let’s you know of things he thinks you might like, texts you often and loves to FaceTime you !!!

will absolutely hit you with the “i didn’t really understand this thing, do you think you could help me with it?”

laughs at all your jokes no matter how terrible and blushes when you talk to him

isn’t very straightforward with his flirting, everything is very subtle because he isn’t sure how to approach you about something this serious so he decides to just let you figure it out on your own

will compliment you but not too often because he doesn’t wanna seem weird, tells you he loves being around you and spending time with you

just a shy boy who is so tooth achingly sweet and wants to do his best to flirt and try to gain your affection (spoiler he’s had it since the first day you spoke to each other)

— fushiguro toji !

so crass it almost hurts

doesn’t flirt as much as he just smirks at you says suggestive things accompanied by a wink

“you look great in that dress, can’t help but wonder how it’d look on my floor” your face burns and the intensity of his stare is too much and you can only giggle and look away, toji towers over you and he loves using that to his advantage

will lean against the wall when listening to you talk, his head cocked to the side and a small smile on his face, his arms are crossed and his biceps and slightly flexed

flirting comes very easy to him, and he loves making you blush with the terrible pickup lines that work because of how attractive he is, always smiling when you look down because you can’t bear to look him in the eyes

calls you nicknames like “sweet thing” or “doll face” and he loves how you react each and every time

makes an effort to actually get to know you, asks about what you like and pays attention, bringing it up again after a while

will absolutely try to hide any softness behind his compliments and actions, covering it up with a crude joke or a sexually suggestive comment

will drive you around to wherever it is you wanna go and secretly hopes you’ll ask him to tag along so he can spend time with you (he will never admit to this even if you date)

is more touchy with you when hes flirting, will place a hand on your wait or back when you’re walking together, grabs your hand/wrist to follow him even when there’s not a crowd around

he’s just so hot and sexy he doesn’t really have to flirt let’s be real here yall

[shitouttabuck]

wip wednesday

tagged by @transboybuckley and @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove <3

hello this is a bit from near the start of my christmas fic (it’s preceded by 600 words of fighting? why have i started a christmas fic with fighting? how festive)

Buck’s been avoiding him for most of this 48-hour. Which is fine, because Eddie’s still pissed about the way he ran back into that house on the verge of a flashover for that little girl’s alarmingly geriatric greyhound, but sucks, because Eddie and Chris are leaving for ten days of Christmas holidays in El Paso tomorrow morning. Without Buck. So every minute Buck about-turns and ducks behind the rig like maybe if he can’t see Eddie, there’s no way Eddie can see his long-ass legs poking out from under, is one less minute Eddie gets to have him this year. Eddie’d kissed him behind the engine, soot-stained and grubby after delivering the skinny dog safely to her owner, before stepping back and shoving him in the chest. “As if Chris doesn’t have enough parental trauma associated with Christmas-time,” he’d hissed. “What the fuck would I have told him?” Buck had scowled back, face one giant smudge of ash when he replied, “Don’t worry, I’d have had plenty of time to heal up before I saw you next year.” And Eddie didn’t know what to say to that, because he asked Buck to come to Texas with them, of course he fucking did, but Buck said no, over and over, because he was going to spend Christmas with Maddie and Chim and Jee. That’s not stopped him from acting incredibly weird about it. Of course I wanna spend the holidays with my sister, Eds, Christmas has always been our thing, he’d say, and in the next breath snipe, yeah, well, it’s not like you could be gone for any longer than you already are. It’s driving Eddie up the fucking wall, because he doesn’t know what Buck wants and all Eddie wants is to make Buck feel happy and loved during a time of year that’s notoriously difficult for people who come from unhappy families, but he can’t do anything unless Buck tells him what’s got his sweet overthinking brain in this miserable tangle.

barely wrote anything new but i DID do some gross real life tasks i’d been putting off which hopefully means now i actually have time for this without the looming guilt of ignoring shit i should be doing! sexy

tagging beloveds @onward--upward @rewritetheending @housewifebuck @try-set-me-on-fire @eddiebabygirldiaz @jeeyuns @athenagranted @anakinfallen @chronicowboy @zahlibeth @buckactuallys @eowon @devirnis

[danielfuckingricciardo]

r/relationship_advice - Charles Leclerc x Reader

A collection of Reddit posts, comments, tweets, and fic

Pairing - Charles Leclerc x Reader

Synopsis - The reader is in a difficult situation, and decides to make a post on Reddit to get help with her predicament. What she doesn’t expect is for people to realise who she is.

Content Warnings - swearing, sexual references

Author’s Note - this is not just a standard fic! This is a collection of Reddit posts, comments, tweets, and fic. Sort of like a collage of different shit all telling one story! Because of this the perspective is different in each part, like the Reddit posts are in first person, and the fic is in second person as usual!

I wanted to experiment with something different structure wise, you know me, I like to fuck with stuff and do weird shit. If high school musical taught me anything, it’s that we shouldn’t stick to the status quo.

Please do tell me if you like the structure, if you don’t, if there’s anything you don’t think works etc! I’d love to do more shit like this so if you have any ideas of what else I could include in one of these (like text messages, DMs, Snapchat, insta stories, whatever) do let me know!

r/relationship_advice • 5d ago

Posted by throwaway27936

My (25F) boyfriend (27M) thinks I have a thing for one of my coworkers (25M). The worst thing about it is… I do.

I wanna preface this by saying that I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 18. And I do love him. But last year I managed to bag my dream job and it meant us going long distance.

I wasn’t worried about the whole thing, after all, we’d been together for six years already and lived together for three of them. We had two cats together, and the word on the street was he was thinking of buying a ring to pop the question before I got my job offer.

The job is my dream job, and it’s actually what we had initially bonded over when we were at college together. When I got that email saying the job was mine he was so excited for me, and I was thrilled. It’s what I’d been working towards for so long!

But as things set in for him, and he realised I would be away for weeks and weeks, I could tell something changed. It was like he was faking being happy for me. The proposal never came, I suppose maybe because I was going to be away for days like valentines and both our birthdays, maybe he just couldn’t find the right time? Either that or he didn’t want to be engaged to someone who was hardly around?

He drove me to the airport, and no matter how sad I could see he was feeling, I couldn’t stop my excitement as I jetted off to another country to begin my work! I suppose that didn’t help either, him seeing how pumped I was and not being all tearful and sad to be leaving him. But I couldn’t help it, and I was sad, I just didn’t want to make our parting more upsetting for myself or for him.

The job kept me busy. Like super busy. But I did manage to come home every now and then, to tell him about all the amazing things I’d seen and done, do date nights snuggled up on the couch with our kitties Nemo (4M) and Milo (4M) but something was just… off??

And him being off, not being as affectionate and loving as he used to be, is what drew me to my coworker.

The final nail in the coffin was my trip home during summer last year. My bf and I pretty much argued the entire time, just over little tiny things, until suddenly, he just exploded. He berated me over the fact that I was never home. That he was the one stuck there looking after the cats, living a normal life while I was living my dream and flying around the world with my team.

It hurt, and I’m gonna be honest with you, I said some things I wish I could take back. Mainly along the lines of ‘it’s not my fault you weren’t able to make something of your life like I was.’

I regret saying that. I know that he struggled after college. It was a low blow. But I was angry, because I was living my dream, the dream we had bonded over that night in the sports bar just off campus when we met. He should be happy for me, right?

Well, after I left at the end of summer on a particularly sour note, I was ready to be done with him. I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and hope he’d gotten it all out of his system and that when I returned during a two week break in October, things would be better.

We hardly talked. September meant no FaceTimes, hardly any texts, no likes on my Instagram posts, nothing. Zilch. Nada. I tried, god knows I did. Scrolling through our WhatsApp chat makes me look so fucking desperate but I wasn’t ready to give up.

One day, after another period of being totally ignored, my coworker, who I shall call C, noticed I was upset. Before now I hadn’t spent much time with C as he was far more high profile than me. I worked in the wings but he was the star of the show.

I didn’t mean to trauma dump on him, but all these feelings just kinda came spilling out. I ended up crying on him and getting his shirt all covered in snot. It was gross, I apologised, he said not to worry about it.

The thing about C is, is that he’s beautiful. I know you don’t often see the word beautiful being used to describe a man, but he is. He’s gorgeous. Like don’t get me wrong, my bf is hot too, but C? Damn.

He was so kind to me, he listened, he wiped away my tears, cheered me up, and made me feel better again.

Don’t get me wrong, I would never cheat. I couldn’t. One of my best friends from college had her boyfriend of five years cheat on her and she was heartbroken. I still loved my boyfriend, I couldn’t do that to him. Besides, C himself already had a girlfriend. So anything between me and him was completely off the table.

But that didn’t stop me from catching feelings for C. There’s nothing cheaty about catching feelings, right? Especially when your bf is ghosting you the way mine was.

But C and I became good friends over the time we spent together throughout September after the whole snotty crying situation. He was a good friend, and it was nice to have someone in your corner when all of your normal best friends are halfway across the world.

When I went home in October, I arrived at my bf and I’s flat to find him sat in the lounge, surrounded by packed boxes and suitcases. He told me it was over.

Naturally I cried, I was hoping we’d have a chance to smooth things out, especially over Christmas when I’d have a whole two months to spend at home before I had to be back at work.

My bf showed me a picture on his phone, it must have been from some night out I can hardly remember after a good weekend’s work. And there I was with C. We were just dancing, but his hand was on my waist. Man we must have been so hammered.

My bf assumed I had a thing for him, which I did, but I would never have acted on. But I told him I didn’t, that we were just good friends, which wasn’t a lie. We were good friends, I just happened to fancy the pants off C but only in secret.

He wouldn’t listen to me, told me the whole long distance thing wasn’t working and that I either had to quit my job, or we would have to break up.

I couldn’t quit. I loved my job too much. It was exactly what I had dreamed of since I was a child. I told him that, and he said it was over.

He said he’d look after the cats until I found a new stable home someplace, and that he’d let me store my things in the spare room, but I didn’t live here anymore.

I left for my parents that night, in tears, and texted C. I told him what had happened, and he said I should get out, go visit him at home and keep my mind off of things before we had to travel again.

I knew I shouldn’t have. That it just made C and I’s relationship look even more suspicious. But I was upset, and angry. Besides, I wasn’t the only one at fault. If my bf had just replied to my texts more, and been willing to work harder on the long distance thing, I think we’d still be together now.

But I went to see C. And we had a great week. We hung out, played video games, got drunk, it was great. Of course his girlfriend stopped by every day for a few hours at least, and sometimes I’d be left alone in his apartment while they went for dinner and stuff. And that was when I cried.

I felt guilty for something that was beyond my control. I felt angry because, if my boyfriend had just been more willing to make it work, I wouldn’t have gone crying to C and I wouldn’t have ended up with this big fat crush on him.

By the time it was time to return home, I went and moved all my stuff out of my now ex-bf’s apartment and took the cats to my parents. I spent Christmas with them, and despite how much it hurt being alone surrounded by my family who were all coupled up, I had my work in 2023 to get me through.

But I also had C. We texted, a lot, after the breakup. I think he wanted to make sure I was okay? That I wasn’t feeling down.

But eventually it was my turn to check in on him, as C and his gf broke up. We spent a lot of time on FaceTime that week, being a pair of sad single losers drinking red wine and talking shit. He was my friend, and I cared about him a lot.

Come New Year’s Eve, I was invited to see in 2023 with my closest friends at a party one of them was hosting. And it was there I saw my ex-bf for the first time since I moved out.

I expected he would be there, after all, we had a lot of the same friends. But I was prepared for it. I’d cried my tears out, I’d gotten out all of my frustrations, and so when he asked me out on the balcony for a chat, I said ‘sure, why not?’

Call it a bad idea, call me foolish, but we ended up making out up there. We kissed at midnight that night, and promised to give it all another go. He said he wouldn’t get jealous of me and my job, and I said I’d try to come home more and spend more time with him.

The first week of January, I moved my stuff back into our apartment, brought the cats back from my parents, and we rekindled our relationship. Despite all the pain I went through, I still loved him. And he still loved me.

But then C texted, asked if I wanted to fly over and hang out for a weekend. My bf wasn’t too happy with the idea. He was still convinced I had a thing for C, despite me telling him most certainly that I didn’t. But I did still have a thing for C.

Thing were frosty between me and my bf for a few days, and as I prepared to return to work, he got increasingly more agitated. But eventually, when it came time for me to leave, he cried. I cried and hugged him as we parted at the airport. I promised I would call and text every day, and that I wouldn’t ignore him in favour of work.

I loved my boyfriend, I really did. But then I saw C again. And now I don’t know what to do.

I love both of them, so much, and I don’t know what I want anymore. Is it selfish of me to stay with my bf? Would it be stupid for me to call it quits with him and risk things with C even if he doesn’t feel the same? I’m just stuck in a rut and my emotions are going crazy. Help!

TLDR: my boyfriend thinks I’m in love with my coworker, I say I’m not, but after a shaky period with my bf, I fell for my coworker. Now I don’t know what to do! Help?

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AutoModerator • 2d ago

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Reindeerbuddy27 • 4d ago

I think your boyfriend sounds like a dick. It was his fault for ghosting you! If he hadn’t have reacted the way he did over summer you would have never bonded with your coworker and caught feelings. IMO you’d be better off breaking up with him and either being single or getting with C, though I’d give him some time to get over his own ex-gf before you try anything!

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Throwaway27936 • 4d ago

Yeah, it kinda was his fault I caught feelings in the first place, you’re right. I wouldn’t say he was a dick, he just missed me I guess and his sadness turned into anger the longer I was away and it just all exploded. Even so, we’re back together and on good terms, and I still love him. I don’t think I could break up with him without a valid reason to do so?

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ReindeerBuddy27 • 3d ago

I get that you don’t want to lose him, but if you’re not fully invested in the relationship with him and want to explore the possibility of having something with C, I think breaking up with your bf would be the fairest thing to do.

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Throwaway27936 • 3d ago

Hmm… maybe you’re right. I need some time to think about it. Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it! ♥︎

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Pedr0Pascal14 • 4d ago

Would you maybe be able to ask your bf about opening your relationship? Allowing you to pursue things with C to see where they lead while also keeping your bf?

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Throwaway27936 • 4d ago

Definitely not. He’s all about monogamy, and I am too. If I suddenly asked about opening the relationship he’d be even more suspicious of me and my reasons for asking.

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Demeter779 • 3d ago

Could you reduce the amount of time spent at work maybe? Like going part time so you’re only away for six months out of the year?

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Throwaway27936 • 3d ago

Sadly it’s not possible. My job is kinda all or nothing. If I asked about reducing my hours they’d laugh in my face and fire me. There’s plenty of people who would die for a chance to fill my role so I wouldn’t be missed.

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Demeter779 • 3d ago

That sucks. I would say tho, without being mean, it seems like your job is your number one priority and not your bf. While there’s nothing wrong with that, I think that’s where the problem lies. Especially if before you took the job he was always your number one! It’s probably been hard for him to adjust! I hate to say it, but I don’t think you two are meant to be and these problems are only gonna get worse this year with you being away. This situation really sucks for you OP, I’m sorry.

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LionVerstappen33 • 2d ago

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Hon3ybadg3r • 2d ago

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MonacoBaby • 2d ago

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r/relationship_advice • 6hr ago

posted by Throwaway27936

UPDATE: My (25F) boyfriend (27M) thinks I have a thing for one of my coworkers (25M). The worst thing about it is… I do.

Okay, ya got me.

Considering my life has already been put under extreme scrutiny from random strangers on the internet to literal news publications, I figured it couldn’t get any worse than it already has and so I’d post an update here.

I wanna start out by saying I am stupid. I made my post thinking I was fully anonymous, the account was a throwaway with no real ties to my irl identity and I tried as hard as I could to conceal the true nature of my work, but you F1 girlies are far too intelligent and I realise that now.

In hindsight I shouldn’t have deleted those comments, because it did just make me look more suspicious. If I’d have left them, maybe even replied to them and said ‘yes I work in F1 but can we please keep it on the dl as I don’t want anyone finding out who I am’ then right now I wouldn’t be sat in my childhood bedroom crying with a cat on my knee typing out this post.

I also wanna say that I hold no grudges with Twitter user LionVerstappen_ I mean, they’re far too clever for their own good, and they terrify me, but I don’t hate them, and all the hate that they’re getting is unjustified and wrong. It was my fault for posting on the internet thinking I’d be safe. That’s on me, not them, so please do leave them alone.

Since that post was made, a lot has changed. Obviously I had already returned to work, I was in the factory at Maranello working on some technical shit I won’t bore you with and getting ready for the livery reveal on the 14th and fine tuning for next season.

I had seen LionVerstappen_ and Hon3ybadg3r’s comments and deleted them as soon as I did. I didn’t fancy answering them, and thought ‘shit, this is getting a little dicey’ and disabled commenting on my post. I thought that would be the end of that, I had some good advice given before that, and I would mull it over before I next saw my boyfriend.

Suddenly, my phone just started fucking blowing up. I had a bunch of random people request to follow me on Instagram, and when I say a bunch, I mean a fuck load. Like 20k follow requests in the space of a few hours. Immediately I was like ‘what the fuck?’ Assuming I’d been hacked or something. I had like 200 followers before that, and I knew all of them in some capacity, and I hadn’t just become some internet celebrity (not on purpose at least) so what was going on?

That’s when I got a message from my friend back home. She’s an F1 fan and is pretty active on F1twt which is how she saw the posts. She sent me a link to the original tweet from LionVerstappen_ as well as to DeuxMoi’s Instagram stories. I was shocked, I really didn’t know how to react.

I couldn’t believe that my silly little Reddit post had actually been figured out, especially after I’d deleted those comments, I thought it was the end. I debated taking down the Reddit post, but really, what was that gonna do? There were already screenshots all over Twitter so it wouldn’t make a difference.

This all happened during my lunch break, and after lunch, I was called into my boss’ office. It seems the Ferrari PR department had also seen the tweets and the speculation, and they wanted to talk to me about it.

I burst into tears. My personal life was all over the internet, my boyfriend had probably seen it all and knew how I felt and that I’d been lying to him about my feelings. I knew it was only a matter of time before he called me and ended things with me again.

Thankfully, the PR team were nice to me. They said they’d handle it, and most importantly, that my job was safe. It was nothing to do with my capabilities as an engineer, after all, so I suppose it made sense. What they did do, however, is give me the week off to sort my life out.

I left the factory sniffling like a baby, packed my shit and got on a plane home. I called my parents to pick me up from the airport, and asked them to take my stuff back to their place but to drop me at the apartment my bf and I shared.

When I entered the flat I had to brace myself. I knew it wasn’t gonna be pretty. My bf was sat on the sofa, surrounded by packed bags and boxes again. Deja vu anyone?

He didn’t yell, or threaten me, or call me names like I thought he would. No, he stood up, and hugged me. And I started crying like a baby. Full on body shaking sobs.

I told him I was sorry, that I loved him, but I understood. He said it was okay.

We sat down together surrounded by the boxes of my things, he made me a coffee, and we talked. It was refreshing to talk to him considering last time he forced me out of the house without a word.

I told him everything, from start to finish. About how neglected and sad I felt after the summer break, how his ghosting was what led me to Charles, how I still really loved him but just didn’t know what I wanted, and how scary it was to have my private life all over the internet like that.

He was sympathetic, but ultimately he said that we just didn’t work together. He wished me luck, I took the cats, got in a taxi, and went home.

Funnily enough, I wasn’t really upset about the whole relationship ending. Mainly because I was just so relieved my ex was handling the whole situation so well. I’ll miss him terribly, he was more than just my boyfriend but he was my best friend too (I am aware of how cliche that sounds).

We had bonded over F1 all those years ago. I was cheering for Sebastian Vettel and he was cheering for Lewis Hamilton while watching a race in a sports bar. We ended up having an argument over who’s driver was better which after a few drinks evolved into us making out in the smoking area. That night I’d told him my dream, to be an engineer, to work for Ferrari. He believed in me, and it’s due to his belief that I managed to get my job. It’s a shame that achieving my dream was the thing that eventually tore us apart.

But anyway, now I’m at home. My parents are out collecting all my things from my ex’s flat right now, and I’ve finally calmed down enough to start typing this out. Mainly because Nemo has decided to curl up in my lap and have a big nap.

Consider my overdue cat tax paid:

When I settled in my room, Charles called me. I nearly didn’t answer it, but I did.

For the sake of his privacy, I’m not going to tell you all of what was said. But I can say that he doesn’t hate me, and if anything, he feels so bad for the situation I ended up in.

I suppose he knows what it’s like to have all that speculation around your personal life 24/7 and can empathise more than most of the people in my life.

I will also say, that we are just friends! That’s all. This isn’t a hallmark movie. He hasn’t hopped on his private jet, flown all the way to my home in bumblefuck nowhere to declare his love for me, and we all live happily ever after.

Real life is a lot more complicated than that. And a lot shittier and a lot more depressing.

I’m going back to Maranello tomorrow morning. I know they gave me the week off, but I’m going to spend some time in the area, maybe even look at getting a proper rental and moving out there full time. I have nothing really to tie me to my home anymore, not really (and yes I will bring the cats with me and pay a cat sitter!)

So yeah, this is my update. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine now, I think! Moving onwards and upwards. One day this will be a funny story I’ll look back on. It isn’t funny now, but it will be.

I do ask, however, that everyone reading this post thinks before they post. I’m a real person, and thanks to all this drama my life is fucked up and I’m now Googling how to emigrate to Italy.

Before you press that button, just consider how it will affect that person, and if it’s really worth it. Sometimes it is, I’ll grant you. But we’re all real people. Those of us in the factories, the TPs, the drivers, everyone. And we have a right to respect and privacy just as any ordinary person does. Think before you post.

I’m signing off now. It’s been a wild ride. Comments will be off, no doubt you’ll be making comments and dissecting my every word on Twitter anyways but at least I don’t have to see em.

I likely won’t update this again.

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AutoModerator • 6hr ago

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—

March 5th 2023

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t quite acclimate yourself to the dry heat of Bahrain. Your hair clung to your neck with sweat, and your team polo was already sodden and damp.

You weren’t quite sure if it was just the heat, or the nerves getting to you as the cars begun their formation lap. You fidgeted with the pen in your hand, your eyes firmly transfixed on the screen in front of you as you catch a glimpse of red zooming down the straight.

Lucky for you, things had died down. As the season began, people had the racing to focus on, and your silly little Reddit post had been almost forgotten. You were able to blend into the background, just as you had done that previous year. You were just another engineer hidden amongst a sea of red shirts, and it was nice.

You knew, however, that this peace would be short lived. It was only a matter of time before you were all over social media again, not as the mystery Reddit user anymore, but as Charles Leclerc’s new girlfriend.

You didn’t lie in your post, the two of you hadn’t gotten together on that fateful day. You were just friends. That was until February 14th.

The day of the car reveal, which also happened to coincide with Valentine’s Day. You didn’t mind, of course, after all, you had no plans. You were quite happy to have something else going on to distract you from your tragic love life.

Charles, however, had made plans. After the reveal you went back to his hotel room, where he had organised a fancy dinner with candles and roses. He asked you out then and there, away from the prying eyes of fans or paparazzi.

To you, it was the most romantic gesture anyone could ever make. It was clear he had thought of you, keeping the moment as private as possible to protect you.

He, of course, knew how you felt about him. He didn’t have to worry, he knew you’d say yes. And you did.

You spent the evening drinking wine, chatting, just as you had always done. But one thing was different - after dessert he kissed you.

The kiss was sweet, and it wasn’t just because of the tiramisu he had eaten.

He didn’t want to rush you, he knew that you were still healing from your trauma. But you weren’t so coy.

February 14th marked the first time you had kissed Charles Leclerc, but it also marked the first time the two of you made love.

Since that day, the two of you had kept your relationship a secret. You cooked for one another, or ordered takeout, watched movies, cuddled with the cats, and just enjoyed each other’s company.

It was exactly what you had wanted. A nice, private relationship with the man you had fallen so deeply in love with.

But there was a small niggling feeling in the back of your mind that it was all about to change. If he won this race, you wouldn’t be able to control yourself. You wouldn’t be able to stop the urge to throw yourself into his arms, to kiss him all over, to tell him just how proud you are.

A race winner always deserves a kiss, right?

You chew on your nail as the final cars pull into position, ready for lights out.

Charles had taken pole position that previous day, but you had managed to save your celebrations for later, sneaking over to his hotel room when no one was around and promptly sneaking out early this morning to avoid suspicion.

Lights out - Charles’ reactions are lightning. He manages to keep away from the rest of the grid, allowing the cars behind him to battle for P2.

The Ferrari garage is hopeful, but they know better than to cheer before the race is won. Too many bittersweet moments from the previous season haunted each and every one of them.

All was well, Charles was set for the first win of the season, until a collision at the back of the pack meant that the safety car reared its ugly head.

Max was getting closer and closer to the back of Charles’ car. They weaved behind the safety car, getting ready, preparing for the moment that it would leave the track.

As the car enters the pit lane, the power was in Charles’ hands. He needed to make a good move, surprise Max, get him on the back foot and out of sight.

There were only two laps left. Two laps to victory. Max just had to stay back, and Charles had to race like he’d never raced before.

You chew on your nails anxiously as Charles takes each and every corner, hitting the apex with precision. All that time in the simulator was definitely paying off.

They cross the line for the final lap, Charles was a car’s length ahead, but Max too was pushing hard. He wanted that first win just as much as Charles did. But you told yourself mentally that he wasn’t going to get it. This was Charles’ race, and he was going to stand on that top step of the podium.

The seconds felt like hours. You make eye contact with Vasseur across the garage and he gives you a small smile. A reassuring one, and you smile back. It probably looked more like a grimace but it was the best you could muster.

The final corner passes with ease, and it looks like Charles has hung onto his win. Max is practically driving alongside him as they cross the finish line. No one cheers.

It’s a waiting game, waiting for the photo to see who had crossed the line first.

You bury your head in your hands, unable to think, talk, move or see until the entire garage erupts into cheers.

He had done it! Charles had won the race!

Tears begin to fall from your eyes as you finally look up. You were sobbing, you couldn’t help it. He’d won.

You give every mechanic you see a pat on the back as you walk over to Vasseur. He was smiling brightly at you. He had so much faith in Charles, he loved him like a son.

He embraces you tightly as you cry onto his shoulder, and he whispers ever so quietly “go see him. See your love.”

You didn’t even care to ask how he was able to see right through the two of you. You just pulled away and nodded as you run out of the garage towards parc ferme alongside a sea of red suits and shirts.

You push your way to the front, definitely sure that your tear stained face would be onscreen for the world to see, but you didn’t care. The world had seen worse of you, after all.

When Charles takes off his helmet, your heart skips a beat. He was beautiful, every day he was beautiful. Even when he was still sweaty and breathing heavy from the adrenaline of the race, his face marked with balaclava lines.

He makes a beeline for you, pulling you in for a hug the way friends would hug one another.

“Kiss me.” You say.

“Are you sure, mon amour?” He whispers, and you nod.

Charles captures your lips in a kiss reminiscent of your very first just a few days ago. The cameras were definitely on you, but you didn’t care.

No doubt social media would be going crazy over the whole thing, but it was nothing new to you. At least this time you weren’t just in love with your coworker, but he was in love with you too.

Whatever the internet may have to throw at you, this time, you didn’t have to handle it alone.

—

~ THE END ~

[searenbound]

hmpf! *pouts in subby bottom 🥺

i work in an office and i’m literally the only girl and these stupid boys are always making their dumb lewd comments about their women and it’s annoying. so it made me think of officeworker!yn who has to pass this group of sleazy construction workers on their way into the office every morning and afternoon. these guys are literally always saying the most disgusting things , especially the blonde and red haired one. im pretty sure they’d love to bring them in their office for a lesson in respect ☹️

I’m literally the grandchild of a foreman and grew up around his friends and their kids and grandkids, I know how gross they can be, and oh so proud too. Though when they consider you one of their own they can be so protective and loyal it’s kinda ridiculous.

The whole lot of them wouldn’t even think anything about it, it’s just men’s talk. Nothing out the ordinary to them if they talk about how they wanna take that one chick for a fun time in the back of their pickup. It’s harmless to them, no one’s technically getting hurt. So when they see them walk by in a pretty little skirt suit they think nothing of whistling and howling like the dogs they are.

Especially those two.

The absolute worse, nudging at each other to point them out and start talking about them like they aren’t even there, like they want them to hear the ways they’d fuck them.

“Fuck man look at how they walk, just begging to sit it on my tongue you know?”

“Tch, better get used to how my cum taste then cause I’d make sure they’re so fuckin’ stuff with it it’ll leak all over their thighs”

Said so causally like it was normal polite conversation, but worse was the fact it actually did something to them. It’s absolutely mortifying get to your office, make a quick bathroom trip and find that their lewd conversations have created a pretty little wet spot on your panties from your drenched pussy.

That them wanting do depraved things with them turns them on so much, that they’ve become the needy slutty the two have accused them of being without even being touched by them.

Maybe that’s why they decided to be bold and call the two on their shit. Maybe that’s why when the blond growled at them to prove them wrong that’s why they lead them back to their office.

Whatever stupid reason they had, it doesn’t matter. The result was the same.

Stuffed by the blond they learned was Bakugou and then eaten clean by the faux redhead after just as they talked about. They don’t bother asking if it’s ok before they make plans to come back during their lunch break to switch and see who’s better at what. Not like they could choose between the two, but oh well. Guess they’ll have to keep coming back to settle the score

[crappy-coffee]

Literally any of the romances. Take your pick, they’re all terrible to some degree. You can even come back to this ask if you wanna do more than one.

They’re all terrible to some degree

I would have to disagree with you on that one to be honest. Like I’ve said before, I believe Pixane is the best one.

Personally I think Jaya is fine. It’s not amazing but it’s good. I’d just change that one moment in the pilot episodes, and rewrite Rebooted and Skybound. After those points I’d even say they’re a good couple.

But the one’s I want to change are Kai and Skylor, Lloyd and Harumi, and Lloyd and Akita.

Kailor

For Kai and Skylor, god just make them get together or don’t. Enough with the wishy washy bullshit and pick something. Make definitive character decisions. I already made a post about how I view Kailor so I’ll just screenshot it here.

Also yeah I’m having open LGBT+ characters because who the fuck is gonna stop me?

Lloykita

There’s so many problems with this ship starting with the fact that I saw Akita as a little child for so long (I looked it up, she isn’t so. Good job Ninjago) bc to me her model looks small. Other actual problems include; It’s boring & predictable, we never see Akita again, and it’s a last second kiss on the cheek.

It kinda sucks because I actually like Akita but if you’ve seen my season 11 rewrite then you know that I’ve gotten rid of her and the never realm completely. So the way I’m fixing it is just throwing it away. Maybe she can appear in my season 10 rewrite but we’ll see. Absolutely no romance with Lloyd though.

Llorumi

So what if I told you that this ship killed my hope in Ninjago’s writing team, because I would tell you that I’m exaggerating for comedy. In reality it just made me sit back and go “Wow. They really did that huh.”

Here’s my hot take, I love Lorumi! I love the idea that Lloyd falls in love with someone who takes advantage of him. I love the idea that Harumi is against the Ninja, and is super manipulative. I love the idea that Lloyd still has feelings for Harumi after the reveal for a little while!

Here’s what I don’t love. Ninjago’s failed attempt to use trauma as a way to make a villain sympathetic. The way Harumi’s plan is so fucking stupid AND that it bring Garmadon back. The fact that Lloyd drags his feet about his feelings for over 5 SEASONS and is STILL in love with her during the most recent one. Even worse that Harumi apparently RETURNS these feelings?? Are you kidding me??

Oh and don’t get me started on the fact that they tried to do a last second redemption arc before fucking KILLING her. You ever notice that the guy villains get more sympathy in character while the 2 main girl villains get the worst treatment. Because I do and it’s SO frustrating. 

How do I fix this? Well first of all I do as I mentioned with Kailor earlier, PICK A SIDE. God please no more back and forth just pick one. Here’s what happens in my rewrite.

Harumi is the quite one, sure, but she’s not in charge. She’s just the lead of communications and is doing an inside job on the ninja. We get the same scene of the harbor and blah blah blah but here’s the thing. The other Sons of Garmadon want to commit mass destruction with the Oni masks, something they keep secret from Harumi. So we do a double twist.

Harumi reveals she’s the quite one and her motives; that nobody is taking accountability for the destruction that the Ninja leave behind. Someone has to pay for all the lives they couldn’t save, and the police force in Ninjago has been slacking off HARD because of the Ninja. 

Later, during a ceremony to give the wearer’s of the masks the full powers of the Oni (Garmadon is NOT being brought back fuck you) when Harumi realizes they aren’t planning on using these powers to help Ninjago like they promised. She tries to fight the other leaders but she gets her mask taken and she’s ditched.

Harumi then goes back to the Ninja to work with them to stop the Sons of Garmadon. When Lloyd asks why they should trust her, she responds “My values are more important then my pride. If you are the same then you will accept my help as I will accept yours. For Ninjago, nothing else.”

I want Harumi to drop the act at this point. She resents the Ninja but knows it’s better to work with them at times. Harumi remains as a minor antagonist throughout the series from this point on. She doesn’t hurt others but still stands against the Ninja. I think it would be refreshing to have another force of good that doesn’t stand with the main characters. Really make them question their morals y’know? Lloyd gets over himself after like 2 seasons and they don’t have feelings or get together anymore ever :]

Tldr; Kailor is free food, Lloykita is dumb, and Llourmi happens but not really.

[puffpasstea]

could you please do a blurb where matilda’s giving him attitude and storms out of an argument? I remember you saying harry doesn’t like that? I love angsty/smutty pieces so much! Your writing is incredible

Sure babes. After yesterday, I’m feeling a bit self-conscious about my writing and I’m not sure if this is any good but here it is I guess. Let me know what YOU think! Hope you like it.

A/N: For the sake of clarity, you can imagine this being set during part 1.

Warnings: angst. Mentions of smut.

——

“What’s the matter?” I turned around to look at Harry who was aggressively clicking the remote control, flipping through the channels.

“Nothin’s the matter.” He said a little too assertively. His eyes glued to the tv in avoidance of my own.

“Seriously, I can feel the rage radiating from your body all the way over on this side of the couch.”

“‘M not radiating rage, okay?”

“See? Even the way you said that sounds angry. You’re pouting.”

He slammed the remote into the coffee table and sighed loudly, running his fingers through his hair as he often did when overwhelmed. I braced myself for what he was about to say.

“Just sometimes feel like you don’t actually care about me. That’s all.”

I chuckled in disbelief, shaking my head. Not this shit again. “Wha-what do you mean?”

Harry’s lips parted, he looked like he was getting ready to say something but changed his mind. “We’ve been over this before. Never mind.” He uncrossed his legs and picked the remote control back up to flip through the same channels all over again.

“Well, you can’t just drop something like this on me and say ‘never mind’” I grabbed the electronic out of his hand, shutting the tv off and tossing the remote to disappear somewhere in the crevices of the massive couch. “What do you mean I don’t care about you? Where’s this coming from?”

“I didn’t have to be on set today.” He blurted out. I didn’t know that. Especially not since he was there for over ten hours. I also wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything.

“But I came for you. To see you. And you didn’t even talk to me all day. Just sometimes feels like maybe you only keep me around to make you feel better about yourself. Like if you’re depressed or if you’re having second thoughts about Chris….I’m the one you run to for comfort but you’re not actually interested in me as a person.”

Harry’s analysis broke me. In ways I didn’t think possible. I didn’t know he’s been sticking around at work for my sake. I also didn’t know he was feeling used. And, most importantly, I could see how my reliance on him has started to drive a wedge between us. This is quite literally my work fear coming true, I open up to people and they feel like I’m self-absorbed and burdensome. I didn’t want Harry to feel like I just expected him to tend to me. Or that I took his help for granted. That’s the last thing I’d ever want.

“I-I never asked you to come to set! I never said you needed to be there! Don’t come on my account! You weren’t needed and you came anyway? Stayed through the night shoot? Who does that?”

“I don’t know! I’m an idiot clearly.”

“Sounds like a you problem.”

“Seriously? ‘Who does that?’ I tell you I was there all day just to see your face and all you have to say is ‘who does that?’ How romantic.”

“This….we’re not in a relationship.”

Harry rolled his eyes and stared at me, his eyes following my movements as I got up and started pacing around the room.

“Yeah, and whose fault is that?”

“‘Fault’? Really, Harry? You’re sounding more and more unreasonable every time you open your mouth. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this right now.”

“What, so you’ll fuck me but you won’t let me love you?”

“What I want or don’t want clearly doesn’t matter to you! You’ll just do whatever the hell you want, anyway. You came to set even when I didn’t ask you to! Don’t make this my fault. You’re making your own decisions and you don’t like the results so you wanna blame someone else. Well, I didn’t sign up for that, so no. It’s not on me.”

A deafening silence fell over the room. Harry looked down at his hands and started fiddling with a stray string of fabric on the couch. After a seemingly impossible pause, he spoke again.

“You’re deflecting. I asked you a question.”

“What was it?”

“Why won’t you let me love you?”

“Oh for fucks sakes Harry!!” I placed a hand on my forehead, feeling the blood literally rise and heat up in my body. “I- I can’t keep having this same argument. I just-“

“You expect me to just be okay with seeing you with Christopher everyday? knowing that the night before your legs were twisted up in mine? That you spend the night sleeping next me after I was the one who marked you up and made you cum? Hmm? I’m supposed to be okay with another man bringing you flowers and walking you to your car? Wrapping his arms around your waist? Kissing you? What the fuck-“

Feeling the air get sucked out of my lungs the longer Harry’s rant went on, I was suffocating in place. I couldn’t bare to stand there and listen to him paint a sharp and negative version of events to feed us righteous anger. I turned on my heels and headed for the door. I heard his voice faintly behind me when he realized what had happened but I couldn’t quite tell what he yelled out. I didn’t care. I wanted to go home right this instant.

****

Harry and I had avoided each other successfully all morning. I stayed as far away from his scenes as possible, and he hid in his trailer whenever he wasn’t on camera. By late afternoon, I’d managed to collect the library property and haul everything into my car to take back to the library before heading home for the day. As I was clearing my desk and getting ready to leave, I saw Harry walk through the doors.

“I come baring gifts.” he extended his arm out, offering me one of the two cups of coffee that he was holding. The barista’s scribbles on the side of the cup told me that he’d gotten my order just right. I couldn’t turn down a perfect cup of coffee. Silently, I accepted his olive branch and immediately took a sip.

“We should probably talk.” He gestures towards the empty desk chairs and I invited him to sit down.

“So, where’d you disappear to last night. You usually run towards my place not away from it.”

I was quiet for a moment, mostly debating the tone I wanted to use. I hadn’t decided if I was ready to forgive him yet. “Didn’t exactly feel welcome in your bed after your…detailed depiction of me as a vapid narcissist.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up. Placing his coffee cup aggressively on my desk, “I NEVER said you were a-“ he paused mid sentence. Suddenly aware of the volume of his voice. “Sorry. Don’t mean to yell. I never said you were a vapid narcissist.”

“But you meant to. You said I use you to make myself feel better. And for orgasms.”

“I was expressing my feelings. Attempting to have a conversation. Which, clearly, doesn’t seem to register with you cuz you literally LEFT the house right in the middle of it.”

“What else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know. Maybe stick around?”

“So you came here and brought coffee so we could argue some more? Libraries are supposed to be quiet places, you know.”

Harry smiled in spite of himself. “I didn’t come here to argue. I came here to say that I hate this. I hate that we keep having this fight. And I hate that I keep trying to tell you that I need more from you but you never seem to want to do anything about it, but most importantly, I hate that you stormed out and left me last night. Felt like shit the whole night.”

That last sentence had managed to crack my iron walls. I reached over and held his hand in mine. “Sorry. Didn’t realize that.”

In an unexpectedly tender gesture, Harry leaned forward and pressed his lips to my hand, kissing it slowly.

I felt my cheeks grow red. “Umm…so- what are we gonna do about….all of it?”

“I don’t know.” Harry said, looking into my eyes. I could see the pain and confusion that my presence in his life was causing him. I hated that I had done this to him. To both of us. I retested into my chair, pulling my hand from his firm grasp.

“All I know is” Harry leaned forward to make up for the distance that my pulling away had created between us. “All I know is that I love you.”

[feuqueerfire]

A Breeze of Love Live Blogging

I wasn't gonna liveblog this one but I'm near the end of ep 1 and I think I'll have things to say.

This was the last k-BL webdrama I had on my watchlist (not counting a short and a movie) but now that a few kBLs are coming out in April, I can watch this without worrying that I'm gonna run out lol

Ep 1 (Mar 28)

main lead has insomnia + was out of school for a bit

the love interest's name is Lee Dohyun? Just like my beloved actor Lee Dohyun?

ah, they're enemies? oh flashback to 2018 high school. friends to enemies to lovers?

oh sleeping beside each other in a supply closet? did he have insomnia back then or no?

Kinda wish this was post-breakup (would def make sense why Dohyun hates him then) but I doubt it </3

Seems like our MC did something to Dohyun probably? because MC is seeking out Dohyun while Dohyun's antagonizing him

Ep 2 (Mar 28)

love triangle? sigh

okay indeed he falls asleep easily when beside Dohyun and only then

omg they weren’t even friends or acquaintances during the supply closet nap

Ep 3 (Mar 28)

thought it was gonna be sleep together at night for a few days not live together omg

Dohyun was about to ask whether Dongwook likes him?

Ep 4 (Mar 28)

ah again Dohyun giving him an in “don’t you have something to say to me?”

bruh i’d be pissed as fuck if a close friend just cut ties w me this way for no reason

Ep 5 (Mar 28)

ah they’re learning to be considerate of the other person while living together like making rice for breakfast and turning off the shower

finding the sleep log

omg Dongwook kissed Dohyun in high school? i would’ve beat Dongwook fr when he first left and then after seeingn him again and then again when he pretends everything is fine and doesn’t know why Dohyun hates him

Ep 6 (Mar 28)

ngl I truly don't get how they're even behaving cordially like if I was Dohyun? Dongwook would be dead to me

ah, is Dohyun gonna wonder whether Dongwook only spends time with him because of his insomnia?

and right on the day Dongwook was gonna maybe confess

ah, their meeting and confrontation and "don't you have something to say to me?" being in the rain again

yess confrontation!

"Get out of my house before I kill you" exactly! that's what I wanna hear

ah

at least the music and slow-mo this time came after the actual confrontation

and Dohyun heard Dongwook saying that he just wants to sleep with him to another student in high school?! girl let's kill Dongwook

Ep 7 (Mar 28)

I do not know their male and female friend's names but I like the girl

that's it? Dongwook just saw Dohyun be somewhat friendly to another guy? and do the "you've got dirt in your hair" thing? aw shucks and that's why you blew this all up?

lowkey gives Our Dating Sim vibes with how Dongwook photographs Dohyun + Dongwook leaving in high school after they kinda had something

Ep 8 (Mar 28)

aw cute

are we getting a tease for the side character's BL possibilities? idc

oops i got awkward and started skipping when they mentioned checking whether the ice got in the underwear

ah, the ideal scenario of Dongwook being able to now sleep without needing Dohyun by his side (but still wanting him there)

Overall:

The concept is somewhat similar to Our Dating Sim, with one character disappearing after the 2 characters kind of had something in high school (here, the characters had more of a thing than ODS) but then meeting again a few years later. Nothing about this was egregious of anything but it just felt like Dongwook had treated Dohyun terribly and was also being way too presumptuous in the current timeline, so it didn't fully work for me. I just wanted Dohyun to beat Dongwook up lol

This show is Obsessed with slow-mos and the swelling background music, like at least let me feel something on my own before doing it for the little things.

Maybe should be a 6/10 actually, compared to other kBL ratings that I gave 6 but whatever, I've already pretty much forgotten this show.

Rating: 5.5/10

[moon-ursidae]

SESSION #8!

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR BOTH TLOU GAMES AND THE HBO SERIES HERE SO BEWARE OF SPOILERS!!!!

it’s been over a month since i last played…

this semester has been kicking my ASS and i’m at the point where i do NOT give a fuck. and i finally have the urge to play this game. so yknow. let’s pick it back up!

total play time: a lil over 4 hours!

okay so the last i remember was that i had J U S T started the abby section

i’m excited to see laura bailey’s acting

this section is called “tracking lesson”

4 years earlier! as abby!

so in the timeline this is one year before ellie’s bday flashback!

this feels odd

like i’m trying to be positive about it

but i just- it’s hard man

this is gorgeous also holy shit i missed this

I LOVE LAURA BAILEY

just hearing her voice makes me all warm and fuzzy

ooo zoo lights pamphlet!

WAIT WHAT DOES ABBY HAVE IN HER BAG ALREADY

omg there’s a letter from mel :(

and a drawing from owen??

“i’ve trued to draw you sleeping, but these damn hands just can’t capture your mesmerizing beauty.” i would find this kinda cute if it wasn’t from owen

he just makes me uncomfy idk

also how much older is he than abby?

wait how old is abby hold up i gotta look this up

okay so she’s 20 in seattle so she’d be 17 rn

there’s no exact age for owen but the approximation is in his mid 20s in seattle

i was slightly concerned bc owen looks so much older than abby and just thinking about how they were together when she was 17 i was like -_- hmmmmm

ANYWAY

that is a TINY ass coin holy shit

SO UR TELLIN ME ELLIE’S THING IS BRIGHT CARDS AND ABBY’S IS TINY ASS COINS??

there’s no way that my horrible ass eyes are finding all of these

i’ll be surprised if i find any after this

goddamnit. they’re trying to make me feel empathetic about their relationship

it’s not happenin

ohhh so the coin thing is bc of her dad

still i’m not falling for this

this is a cool ass playground

NOOOO THE ZEBRA

i fucking love this track btw it’s so good

THE HOSPITAL.

UR JOKING.

WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT.

THIS IS DURING PART 1??????????????

OH FUCK.

THE WAY THAT MY JAW IS ON THE FLOOR

MARLENE!!!!!

“and what if this was abby?” she’s asking the good questions here

depending on his answer, this is what is gonna seperate him from joel.

FUUUCK.

i wanna hear his answer bro

and collateral playing here?? so good

“i’m gonna go tell joel” HAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSS

“if it was me, i’d want you to do the surgery” well ya see abby you can make that choice rn, ellie cannot

oh god. oh god. the sirens jfc

THIS FUCKING HALLWAY MAN I’VE SEEN IT SO MANY TIMES

FROM SO MANY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES

oh shit

AND THEN BACK TO THE FUCKING CABIN

PLEASE DON’T WITH THIS BRO

I’M CRYING ALREADY

I HAD TO PAUSE AFTER HEARING ELLIE GO “joel..” LITERALLY BEGGING FUCKNSKABSKSBSKS

GODDAMNIT

SEEING HIM FROM ABBY’S POV THIS TIME??? INSTEAD OF ELLIE’S???

what if i vaulted off the side of a bridge?? what then???

FEELING THE VIBRATION IN THE CONTROLLER FROM THE FUCKING IMPACT IS ACTUALLY THE WORST.

THE WORST.

ellie’s cries :(

fuckin seattle day 1 i guess

showing me that again, and then making me play her immediately afterwards is so fucked

so fucked

jesus fucking christ man

hmm that weather chick talking aboutna storm was right maybe you should have paid more attention to that or sumn bc it’s COMING

jesus she’s fucking massive

like her arms are the size of texas jesus christ

WAIT THIS IS THE TV STATION

the math is mathing

omg manny and the teacher? so funny

the way she was like “hey manny” immediately put 2 and 2 together LMAO

the kids are so cute

the butterflies everywhere just remind me of sarah after watching the show :(

manny wants sumn spicy let’s see what’s up

i’m gonna get him something not spicy bc he had the audacity to spit on joel

i heard sam riegel

maybe yuri lowenthal??

that kinda sounded kike taliesin jaffe at the table where they’re playin a board game???

wait this is some tea he must know the girl w the ps vita bc he’s playing w it rn

and also he’s going to the seravena 👀

TRAVIS WILLINGHAM I HEAR YOU

omg there’s ppl talking about the seraphites at one table

there’s so many voice actors here that i recognize but cannot name it’s aggravating me

YEAAAA SAM RIEGEL I HEAR YOUUUU

talkin about a book w wizards and magic hahaha

abby uses pine scented soaps? slay

manny cutting the line

he would

abby walking around w a single lil burrito w her hulking arms is so funny

omg wait manny what’s the tea between mel and abby???

WAIT I HEAR SOMETHIN ABOUT A MLM RELATIONSHIP

LBBTQIA+ REPRESENTATION IS ALL OVER THIS GAME I LOVE

wait i totally missed hearing manny and his dad talk

FUCK

this is weird hearing about how people wanted joel dead while she’s eating a goddamn fucking burrito.

what the fuck

wait is this her room?? her room alone??

oh wait shit her and manny are roomates

i thought abby gave them the key to some room on base grounds

not THEIR room lmao

looks like manny’s a photography buff oml there’s supplies to develop film and different camera lenses

there’s a bunch of different movies and some anime cool cool cool

and they designate who does dishes what day lmao

THE BRA lmao

omg wait this picture above abby’s bed was in her dad’s office

holy fuck they have an OPERATION huh? jfc

that’s crazy

mel looks so pregnant :((

“why would it be up to owen” SLAY MEL

ARE THOSE COWS??

SOME MFIN MOO MOOS???

THEY HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING FOOD HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT I FOUND A COIN??

i fucking LOVE world building like this

i would spend SO MUCH time here if i could

there’s so many details it’s crazy

THE DOGS :(

WE’RE TAKING A DOG???

NOOOO DUDE :((

I’M PLAYING FETCH WITH A DOG OH MY GOD

THIS IS GONNA HURT ME LATER HUH??

BEAR IS SO CUTE :(

THEY HAVE SHEEP???

sheep… 😭😭😭

JOEL😭😭

also the way they’re setting up mel to be more of a pacifist? so good

makes what happens later worse

I HEARD LIAM O’BRIEN IN THE NPCS REPAIRING GUNS

okay woah this gun is different

kinda plays though

ANOTHER COIN?

WTF

how the fuck do they get all of these tires and ammo

this is insane

YEAAAA MEL IS PUTTING TWO AND TWO TOGETHER TEAAAAAAAA

owen still loves abby bro

he wants her and not the woman CARRYING HIS BABY

men 🙄

SERAPHITES???

OH SHIT

TRUCK CRASH

IS MEL OKAY???

IS THE DOG OKAY???

IT HASN’T BEEN 5 MINUTES OUT OF THE COMPOUND

okay i thought these coins were gonna be hard to find

kentucky coin!

there’s enough stuff to make a pipe bomb?? oddly convenient to point that out manny

there’s gonna be infected in here i feel it in my bones

the halloween stuff :(

that same goddamn frankenstein statue :(

i just heard infected bro i was so right

i forgot how intense this shit is

so it is manny that likes anime

i fuckin knew that shelf was gonna collapse

SHAMBLER???

i’m so scared to use my bombs around the dog

damn not a single hammer in here for me?

i love manny trying to get them to talk

GOD THIS IS GORGEOUS

MASSACHUSETTS COIN WOOO

i went to boston in the summer many years ago and it was awful

the heat was so bad and it was just amplified in the city

plymouth was super dope though

ANYWAY

OOOOOOOOOO seeing their perspectives on what caused the truce between seraphites and wlf to end

the kids killed some wlf, and so they killed those kids

and mel doesn’t like that at all, but manny and abby justify it and stand by it

interesting considering their perspectives on jackson

hmmmm

good stuff naughty dog

ABBY BOOSTING THE MAN UP

WE LOVE TO SEE IT

oh my god i forgot about abby’s fear of heights

ABBY’S STRONG HOLY SHIT

i don’t like how the music and ambience just changed when entering this boat workshop

WORKBENCH WOOO

stability please i sway like a goddamn tree

ooo and recoil this slays

JOEL DESERVED WORSE???

ya’ll need to keep your mouths SHUT around me

ANUTHA COIN BABY WHERE’S IT FROM?

😱😱😱😱 O-H BABY LET’S GOOOOOOO

W THE WRIGHT BROTHERS FLYER ON IT BIRTHPLACE OF AVIATION LET’S GOOOOOOOO

i’m from ohio if you can’t tell

REMINDS YOU OF OWEN’S BOAT?

unfortunately me too mel..

mel is better than i am bc i would never climb a rope pregnant jfc

SAFE CODE WOOOOO

INDANA COIN WOO

but where’s the safe?

SPOTTED

ooooo hunting pistol

AND A WRENCH LET’S GO

this is all ao fucking gorgeous jesus christ

so many seraphites!!!

DUDES IN TRUCKS TO THE RESCUE

awe abby helping mel :(

alice wondering where mel’s going :(

oh optional dialogue??

omg they’re sharing count of monte cristo haha

SAM RIEGEL AND MATT MERCER AND TALIESIN JAFFE?!!!!

MARISHA RAY?!!!

LIAM O’BRIEN???

CRITICAL ROLE CAST ALL TOGETHER HERE EXCEPT FOR TRAVIS AND ASHLEY 🥹🥹❤️

OH MY FUCKING GOD

THERE’S 2 PEOPLE BY THE RADIO THAT SAY THE SCHOOL HAS GONE QUIET

IT’S ELLIE

THAT’S SO COOL

IT’S THE PS VITA GIRL

HER NAME’S WHITNEY AHHHH

HOTLINE MIAMI

“really hard.. really good too” HOTLINE MIAMI HAHAHA

they’re being sent to a hospital huh?👀

seeing how all of this shit connects is soooooo crazy

OH SHIT IT’S NORA

holy fuckin shit this is a lot of bodies

oh shit wait danny was posted w owen

abby’s WORRIED holy fuck

god laura bailey is so good

are we ever gonna fucking see isaac jesus christ

i keep finding notes and hearing aboutnisaac but never seeing that bastard

LETTER

sgt. foster?? like brian w foster?? hmmmm

SOUTH CAROLINA COINNN

god the way the people in these cages scramble and turn away when you walk up to them :(

oh shit i actually will see isaac

HE’S been doing all of this to people??? goddamn.

this guy’s got his parts cut off :(

these poor people jesus christ

bro he’s scary

lead the first wave???

they’re fully gonna kill ALL of them???

“when are he and danny getting back?” oh she’s good

and he sees right through the bullshit haha

the salt lake crew? interesting

owen shot danny?? to protect a seraphite?? hmmmmmmm

abby don’t be so quick to judge you’ll be doin the same goddamn thing

3 years earlier!!!

so this is the same year as the birthday flashback!

damn she got buff FAST then bc she’s still fairly lean on muscle here

abby what’s ur workout regime?? i want my arms to look like that

i also still don’t like owen

again, i LOVE laura bailey

UGH i love the music

this is gorgeous

this reminds me A LOT of the music that played while going through the robert section by the docks at the beginning of part 1

the way that they’ve never been to an aquarium lmao

WAIT abby going through the aquarium while ellie goes through the museum :(

THIS IS GORGEOUS

UUUGH just the thought of swimming in that fucking tank is triggering my thalassophobia

oh god it’s THE boat

awe there’s kid stuff :(

this is fucking awesome

i wanna go to the aquarium and zoo now

max’s place

i’m getting heavy ish vibes

does going in here progress the game?? i wanna go upstairs!

it’s fuckin locked anyway haha

is the family infected? i hope not that’d be hella sad

seeing her perspective on things makes it so obvious of why she wanted to go after joel. abby’s a lot like ellie at the beginning of left behind. how she defended fedra. and now abby’s doing the same.

owen sees it as a “how are we better than them?” and he’s kinda right

into max’s place!

hey owen legally i cannot go into this elevator shaft bc i have VERY BAD memories associated with it okay? okay

holy shit wait this is awesome

SEA LION

WITH SPOTS

“don’t be sorry. talk to me” okay that was kinda sweet

and how he tried to break the tension by joking

IT’S ABOUT JOEL???

UR THINKING ABOUT FINDING AND KILLING JOEL WHILE KISSING YOUR MAN??

HUH??

THAT’S why she got buff as hell. she wanted to make sure that he couldn’t overpower her

so that she could have the upper hand

goddamn.

cool sequence!

alright i’m gonna end here bc it’s fucking 6am lmao

i’m excited and scared to get more into this! there’s still A LOT of game left to get through though haha

i’m not sure when i’m gonna play next, hopefully soon!

[ghostcaterwaul]

For the "Weird Questions for Writers": 1, 17, 18, 19 ^-^ (Again, I know I'm a bit late, but if you still wanna do these~)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

Arial, because it’s the default font and if I tried to pick another one, I’d probably just spend hours trying to decide on which one to use and never get any writing done. Lol.

(The rest of this post is long so I'm going to put it under a read more thingy.)

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

Okay, so, I’m so not happy with the overall like, plot or whatever at this point. It sounded like a great idea while outlining but now I’m not so sure. I think Alice just doesn’t fit as well with the canon characters as I hoped she would, since she wasn’t made as a fan character or anything like that. I only started writing it because I was super excited to have such a new OC that was so developed and I really wanted to write about her but didn’t really have a story or anything and I’m currently hyperfixating on Metal Lords, so I figured putting her in a Metal Lords fic would make sense because I’d be motivated to write it but I’m not sure it’s working out and I’m lowkey annoyed. So, yeah, this is all subject to change and I have no idea what’s going to make it into the final story, especially since I’m having a hard time getting things from outline to draft, but anyways, here’s what I’ve got so far!

The outline of events I have written down starts before the movie, then there’s a few things during the movie and afterwards too (I haven’t written anything in like, 2-3 years, so I felt like using the movie as like, a blueprint for the outline would be the least stressful way to jump back into writing.) I’m thinking of either telling the whole thing in, like, disjointed scenes or in a sort of flashback format where the fic itself would start after Metal Lords, but have Alice recall different memories throughout the fic.

Alice meets Emily before the events of Metal Lords actually happens because they start at Glenwood Lake High on the same day after Alice and her mom inherit her late grandmother’s house. They get fairly close (as close as Alice will let anyone get to her, anyways). Alice falls hard for Emily. It’s very important, story-wise, that nothing romantic ever happens between them.

Emily totally starts unintentionally neglecting her friendship with Alice when she first starts dating Kevin, basically only hitting Alice up for “girl talk” AKA talking about her new relationship. Alice is wayyy too nice about this, because she’s way too nice about everything.

I’m not sure yet if Alice or Hunter is the first to notice that they’re both on the shit end of the stick as far as unrequited love is concerned, but this is like, the absolute basis of their friendship, at least in the beginning. The notes I’ve made seem to be leaning towards a queerplatonic type of thing with them, but we’ll see what happens when I actually finish a draft and start editing. Either way, I feel like Hunter needs someone to hang out with other than Kevin and Emily or he will absolutely lose his fucking mind.

Alice is kind of in love with the idea of being in love, but won’t let anyone get close enough to develop romantic feelings for her. This is part of her problem. Like, she doesn’t let anyone see past the tip of the iceberg, basically. Maybe Alice/Emily could have been a reality if Alice wasn’t so closed off.

Alice's mother always told her that her father left before she was born, but the truth is her mother is the one who left and her father has no clue she exists. Alice has no desire to try and connect with her father, so this will probably never come up and she will never find this out.

Alice’s room has so much stuff in it. I’m talking cluttered shelves full of stuff, stuff hanging from her ceiling and in her windows, stuff on her walls. Like, I have it all written down and I’m currently searching for some sort of outline/template that I can use as like, a reference sheet for her room just so it’s easier for me to read than the block of text I currently have in my Google docs.

Also, the more I outline and make notes, the more I’m sure that Alice isn’t cis. Like she’s probably under the non-binary umbrella in a “gender doesn’t make sense to me and feels like an abstract concept” kind of way.

I literally have so many notes on this WIP, overall, I had a hard time figuring out what to include in this answer, ngl. Like, I haven’t put this much work into something in a really long time, which is why I’m kinda determined to actually write it despite the fact I’m super hypercritical of it all the time.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Okay, so anything I have written for my current primary WIP is a very rough draft, if that, and completely unedited. So I hope it’s okay if I use something from one of my other WIPs. This is from an original work I was working on called A Chaotic Love (working title).

They sit a few feet away from each other, tormenting themselves, auto cannibalizing from the inside out, drowning in the blood of their feelings and choking on the emotional word vomit that threatens to spill from their mouths if they dare to part their lips to even breathe.

But it’s okay.

Everything’s okay.

Everything’s o-fucking-kay.

She feels so full that she doesn’t know if she can hold back any longer.

Everything’s okay.

He fills the void with cheap liquor, she uses it to drown out the constant noise in her head.

It’s okay.

They’re okay.

It’s all o-fucking-kay.

He passes out on the couch, still sitting up, arms crossed over the albatross tattooed on his bare chest. She stands up, wobbling at first. She can’t tell if the dizziness is from drinking so much or if she stood up too fast. She makes her way to her room, or rather, their room. Though, she doesn’t consider it their room anymore, as he’s been passing out on the couch, drunk, every night and never sleeps in bed with her. She slips out of her sundress and sprawls out on her stomach on the bed like a snow angel. She misses him.

It’s not okay.

It never was.

It never will be.

She’s not sure how much longer she can continue to hold on.

She’s not sure how much longer she can continue to pretend that it’s all okay.

Because she knows it’s not.

And she thinks he knows it too.

So, this is still very much a draft of a snippet that I probably won’t fully edit unless I actually finish writing the whole novel. This is Mallory and Jeremy after the honeymoon phase of their relationship, when Mallory is starting to become disillusioned with what she thought was going to be her fairytale romance and starts to realize that maybe running away from home with a guy she barely knew wasn’t the best idea, even though she very much needed to escape her parents and her hometown. This is supposed to be the beginning of the end for Mallory and Jeremy. If I remember correctly, I used my tarot deck as a prompt to get this rolling. I can’t remember which card(s) I pulled for this, though. I pretty much freewrote this. The very first sentence came to me super easily and I’m pretty proud of it, ngl. Only thing I really changed from the initial freewrite was adding in some details like Jeremy’s albatross tattoo, Mallory wobbling upon standing up, her sundress, the snow angel comparison, etc. Basically just added more description to that paragraph in general.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

I vividly remember putting together storybooks when I was as young as 5. I’d draw or trace pictures onto printer paper, and then dictate the words to my mom so she could write it in and then she'd help me staple the pages together. I just really liked making up stories. I got really into Buffy The Vampire Slayer when I was like, 9, and that’s when I started writing fanfic. Jumped from fandom to fandom for a while. Got into online written roleplay around the age of 11 or 12 and that’s where I’ve always done most of my writing. I didn’t really start thinking of writing as like, a career path until I was 13, when my 8th-grade English teacher overheard me complaining about the book she had assigned us, I don’t even remember the name of it, I just remember that I didn’t care about the main character at all, so enjoying the book was pretty much impossible. My English teacher got all pissy about my opinion and said something along the lines of “If you hate it so much, write something better.” And my snarky ass muttered, “screw you, maybe I will” and she fucking heard me, so then I was like, “Dammit, now I have to write a novel purely out of spite" because this teacher… Is the only English teacher I ever had that I could not fucking stand, I usually loved whoever I had for English, and she definitely had some sort of issue with me too, for some reason. So yeah, that’s when I started to take writing more seriously. I bought every fucking book and workbook on creative writing that I could get my hands on to perfect my craft and started writing more original fiction. I used to write every day. I was super dedicated too. Like, my parents would wake up at 5 AM, so I got my ass up at 4 AM every morning, so I could have an hour to myself to write with no interruptions while I had my coffee. Went to college for creative writing but never completed the degree. I’ve never finished anything multi-chaptered. I wish I could blame that on undiagnosed/untreated ADHD but I’ve been diagnosed and on meds for about 7 years now and I still can’t finish anything. Lol. I’m just now coming out of a really bad overall creative block where I just couldn’t seem to engage in any of my creative hobbies. I went from always having 1-3 projects (usually I’d be working on a story, something music related, and some sort of long-term arts & crafts project so I could alternate between the three) to not working on anything. I’m trying to focus more on fanfic right now over my original WIPs since fanfic is where I started, and I’m hoping it’ll get me out of this awful creative slump that I’ve been in for the past few years.

[lovelyhan]

— inflection point ⟢

pairing: jeonghan x reader x seungcheol

summary: you love yoon jeonghan. no, scratch that. you fucking adore yoon jeonghan; so much that the moment he asks you to be in an exclusive set-up with his current partner, you accept the offer in a heartbeat. what you fail to consider, however, is who your boss’ boyfriend actually is.

word count: 6.3k words

tags: unresolved emotional tension, friends to lovers on the hannie side of things, lovers to exes to enemies to lovers again on the cheol side of things, established relationship, angst, smut

notes: this fic comes in three parts this time! honestly, i loved writing this so so much... not a lot to take note of except: i hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing this EHE

part one - part two - part three | masterlist

“So how did you meet your boyfriends again?”

Soonyoung was the number one source for gossip during your college years, so it comes as no surprise when he finally slides the question on the table. On the other hand, the remaining member of your unbreakable trio shakes his head with a sigh.

“Don’t you think ‘hello, how are you’ is a more appropriate way to greet people?” Jihoon chides him before plucking the menu out of Soonyoung’s hands. “Sorry about that. He couldn’t shut up about it on the way here when I told him you’re dating again.”

“And not just one person, but two!” Soonyoung sighs dreamily, and the waiter who came by to serve your table some water looks at him funny. “Seriously? What kind of black magic is at play here? I can’t even get the cutie I’ve been eyeing at the gym to look at me!”

“Maybe that’s because he’s freaked out?” Jihoon scoffs. “You stare at him all the time while he’s doing his bench presses. Even I’d be scared shitless.”

Soonyoung dismisses Jihoon’s concerns about his questionable behavior with a wave of his hand—resting his face in his palms as he places his elbows on the table. He doesn’t have to speak to let you know that he wants you to spill every detail, so with a deep breath, you open your mouth to finally explain.

However, in the corner of your eye, you notice your phone light up with a text notification.

insufferable piece of shit [08:25 P.M]: Jeonghan told me to pick you up at 11 for movie night. Don’t be late.

Suppressing the urge to put the device on airplane mode, you muster up a sweet smile for your friends to see.

“It’s a bit…complicated.”

Soonyoung and Jihoon have been your best friends since freshman year. Even after graduating and pursuing different careers, the three of you never put it past the other to show up during these monthly nights out.

It’s no different now, as you tell them about how exactly you got into a relationship between your boss and long-time crush, Jeonghan, and his boyfriend, Seungcheol. After all, they knew everything about you.

Well, almost everything.

“Is that one of your guys?” Soonyoung slurs into your ear as you help him out of the restaurant—having had one glass of wine too many. “He kinda looks like Jihoon.”

“That is Jihoon, idiot,” you chuckle, watching your other friend flag down a cab so he could take Soonyoung safely back to their apartment. “My…uh, ride’s just around the corner though.”

Soonyoung practically whines. “I wanna meet them! Do I get to meet them? Just need to make sure they’re treating you right.”

You shake your head at how obtuse he’s being, but knowing that Soonyoung still looks out for you even in that state of inebriation warms your heart a little. “Hannie said he was feeling a little tired after work, so…Cheol’s the one who’s picking me up.”

“Aww! You have cute little nicknames for them, too.” Soonyoung lets out another withering sigh, forcing you to balance his weight more evenly, lest you want him to plummet face-first into the pavement. “Okay. I’m convinced. You have crazy high standards, anyway. Just promise me that we’ll be the first ones invited to the wedding?”

The mere idea makes your heart leap and twist simultaneously—unsure of how to react.

“Sure thing,” you offer instead, and if Soonyoung had been more sober, he would’ve sensed the hesitation in your voice in a heartbeat.

As expected, a familiar black Santa Fe pulls over by the corner avenue a few moments later, but instead of anticipation, all you feel is two parts annoyance and one part dread.

You will never let him hear the end of it if he acts up in front of your friends—the same friends who you fed complete bullshit about what a kind, loving, and affectionate boyfriend Choi Seungcheol is.

When the man in question gets out of the car after turning on the hazard lights, however, it’s like you’re faced with a completely different person.

“Hey, baby,” Seungcheol says with a small grin, as if he’s actually happy to see you. “Whoa, that guy’s wasted wasted.”

Jihoon, who finally managed to get a taxi rushes back to your side, taking Soonyoung out of your grasp as he acknowledges your ‘boyfriend’ with a polite nod. “Sorry, he’s always been a lightweight. My name’s Jihoon, and this guy is Soonyoung, by the way. The three of us have been friends since college.”

“Yep, she’s told us all about you.” He nods. “You’re her two closest friends, after all.”

“Bunch of besties,” Soonyoung giggles before leaning forward a little to scrutinize the newcomer. “Oh, no. Your boyfriend’s hot. Now I’m dying to see the other one!”

“What can I say? She has good taste,” Seungcheol laughs, low and steady before you feel one of his toned arms circling your waist. “Don’t you, baby?”

It takes every ounce of willpower not to recoil from his touch.

Focus. Just a few more minutes and this will all be over.

Still, a petty part of you doesn’t want Seungcheol to gain the upper hand by flustering you on purpose. You just know this asshole is convinced he’s going to get the last laugh. So, you turn to him with a smile that’s too wide to be genuine before standing on the tips of your toes—pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

The startled look that crosses his gaze as you pull away with a smirk is just the ego boost you needed.

“That, I do.”

…

“I’m just saying you could’ve driven back here without acting like you’re in a chase scene for some action movie, asshole!”

“Jeonghan was already half-asleep when I left. He wanted to at least see you first before clocking out for the night. You know, this wouldn’t have been an issue if you just canceled on—”

“Seungcheol, shut the fuck up. I told you I already made plans with them in advance!”

“You know Han has been looking forward to this all week.”

“And you know I tried to make a compromise to please both my boyfriends and best friends!”

“Well, you didn’t try hard enough.”

If you weren’t as tired as you are now, you would’ve been rational—taking one of your many arguments with Seungcheol inside the house instead of shouting out in the open in the dead of night. But this guy just hasn’t given you a second of peace.

The moment you climbed into the passenger seat of his car and parted ways with Jihoon and Soonyoung, the loving boyfriend façade was tossed to the side. He was back to chewing you out as if you’re the source of all the world’s anomalies before you knew it.

“Seungcheol, I’m just as tired as you are.” There. You’re raising the white flag of surrender. You just hope to God he won’t find anything else to harp on about in the next five seconds. “Can we do a ceasefire just until I say good night to Jeonghan?”

“Hm? What ceasefire?”

You practically felt both yourself and Seungcheol freeze up at the sound of that soft, familiar voice. At the steps leading to the front porch, you see Jeonghan shuffling towards you with a Seven-Eleven plastic bag hanging from his fingers.

Curiosity eclipses the sleepiness in his eyes at the sight of you and Seungcheol, and you try not to think about how adorable he looks wearing those My Melody pajamas for a quick convenience store run.

“It’s nothing, babe,” Seungcheol immediately replies, repeating the same gesture that ticked you off earlier today. This time, when you feel his arm around your waist, you play along without a word. “We’re just arguing about who’s going to prepare the snacks and wash the dishes for movie night.”

“What about you, Hannie?” you wonder, resting your hand atop Seungcheol’s even if it does nothing but repulse you. “Cheol told me you were half-asleep when he came to pick me up.”

Jeonghan merely smiles, the angel that he is. “I noticed that we were out of your favorite tea leaves, and figured you’d want to have a cup after wine night. There wasn’t any toothpaste left in the medicine cabinet either, so…”

God. At times like this, it’s so difficult to think that this same guy is your boss.

About fifteen minutes later, you’re sprawled in between your two boyfriends on their beloved cloud couch—watching a true crime documentary that Jeonghan’s secretary recommended to him. You all watch it in diligent silence, and you quietly celebrate the fact that you’re finally afforded some peace of mind now that Jeonghan is here.

He’s the only person in the world who can keep you and Seungcheol from tearing each other’s throats out with his mere presence alone. But it’s not like he knows about the back-and-forth hostility you’ve shared with Seungcheol since becoming part of their relationship a month ago.

Honestly? You’d prefer if Jeonghan never found out.

“Are you staying over?”

That’s the first thing Seungcheol asks once he finishes carrying a dozing Jeonghan back to their bedroom. You’re in the middle of brewing yourself some tea with the leaves Jeonghan personally got for you, and you respond with a shake of your head.

“He dealt with a lot of shit from the higher ups today,” you explain as you pour your drink into a dainty teacup from their cupboard. “Don’t want to take up the bed space he direly needs.”

Seungcheol doesn’t respond for so long that you think he already fucked off back to their bedroom. But when you feel him come up from behind you with his own cup in hand, you nearly drop the pot in surprise.

“Jesus, don’t scare me like that, you prick.” You glare at him before putting some space between the both of you.

Seungcheol merely rolls his eyes. “I just wanted to drink some tea. Unless you’re against sharing some with me?”

“I’m already sharing the love of my life with you. Might as well do the same with my stupid tea, right?”

He sighs, handing you his cup. “Stop being dramatic and just pour me some already.”

Despite your history having heavily influenced the way you and Seungcheol act around each other, you like to think he isn’t a complete asshole sometimes. It’s probably a side effect from being around Jeonghan. The man must have forgotten that he isn’t here right now, and that he can quit acting like he doesn’t despise you as much as you despise him.

“Do you need a ride back?” Seungcheol asks gruffly as you gather your things from the living room.

“No. The trains are still running at this hour anyway.” you tell him. “I’ll shoot you guys a message when I get back.”

“Okay.”

When you’re already halfway to the sidewalk, Seungcheol calls your name from the front porch again—making you glance back at him with a miffed look. What does he want this time?

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay over?” He swallows thickly, like he isn’t sure what words to use. “I can sleep on the couch so Han doesn’t feel cramped.”

“Seungcheol, I need to go to work tomorrow.”

“So?”

“I don’t have any clothes in your house.”

“Then just bring some of them here for next time.”

You scowl at him, folding your arms across your chest. “You know, for someone who’s trying to convince me to sleep over, it seems like you really, really don’t want to.”

“Can’t I fucking look out for my girlfriend for once?” Seungcheol argues, and you almost choke on the air you’re breathing.

His…girlfriend?

The last time he called you that was way back in high school—when the two of you were nothing but naïve teenagers that mistook the hormones for love.

“I don’t know, Seungcheol,” you scoff, brushing the memories off before they can resurface. “You have a very weird way of looking out for someone.”

About ten minutes of bickering later, you end up submitting to Seungcheol’s insistence to drive you back to your apartment uptown anyway. While yielding to the man you claim to hate made your pride take a decent hit, you’re exhausted. You might end up falling asleep on the train at this rate, and you really didn’t want to encounter any more hassles than you already have tonight.

The ride back to your apartment is quiet, unlike the complete mess of a trip when he picked you up earlier tonight. Seungcheol merely keeps his eyes on the road, and you dare not utter a single word that might break the silence.

“Thanks,” you say once he pulls over in front of your apartment complex. Seungcheol simply nods as he waits for you to get out of the car.

Funnily enough, some part of you expects him to at least say good night before he leaves. If he’s shown you this much unexpected kindness tonight, what’s stopping him from sparing you a bit more?

But then you remember he’s Choi Seungcheol. He never says goodbye.

He just leaves without a word.

As the black Santa Fe speeds back into empty streets, you tell yourself how stupid you’re being. It’s been more than a decade, but your heart still hurts from the fact that, no matter how much you hoped he’s changed after all these years, Seungcheol is no different from the boy who broke your heart.

…

You liked to think you have a good sense of self-preservation.

You tell yourself that, matter how much this stupid jock tries to flirt with you so he can mooch off the answers to your Geometry homework, you wouldn’t cave and give him what he wants. But Seungcheol is just so damn persistent that, instead of ignoring him like any sane person would do, you ended up tutoring him about the lesson an hour before the assignment is due.

“You know, if you just helped me right away, I could’ve treated you to the ice cream parlor much sooner.” Seungcheol tells you after the end of class, making you stare at him, puzzled.

“What are you even talking about?” you ask.

Then, he smiles—making sure to show off that dimple that has all the girls in your grade swooning at the sight of him.

“This is me asking if I can treat you to the ice cream parlor after school,” he says, as if you’re the dunce who had to be tutored in basic Geometry. “You know, as thanks for giving me a hand. Just wait for me at the building entrance at four.”

You’re not doing that. You’ll march straight home without thinking twice about the boy who’s been giving you a hassle and a half for the past week.

Except you do wait for him.

You linger by the entrance at four, just like he asked. You wait for him a little longer even when most of the students have gone home and he still hasn’t shown up. Ten minutes to five o’clock, you’re convinced that he was really just fucking with you. As you make the motions to just finally go home like you meant to do in the first place—

“Hey, wait up!”

There he is, still wearing his sweaty jersey despite looking like he’s just about ready to go home. You scowl at Seungcheol once he’s right in front of you, showing you that stupid dimpled smile yet again.

“I forgot we had practice today, and I kinda just bullshitted my way out of it,” he reasons. “Did you wait long?”

“What do you think?” you bite back sarcastically. But the fact that he actually ditched practice just to keep his word makes you feel a little fuzzy. “You owe me two scoops of ice cream now.”

Seungcheol laughs. “I’d treat you to three if that’s what it takes for you to forgive me!”

You’re convinced that, once Seungcheol has paid his academic debts, he’ll move out of your orbit and back to his usual crowd of jocks. Though you did do him a big favor, you’re not exactly friends. So when he does the exact opposite, you’re considerably…suspicious.

When he doesn’t have practice, he’d insist on walking you to the train station even if his house is in the opposite direction. When your own friends got held up by a group presentation and you had no one to have lunch with, he stayed with you the entire time until you had company.

One day, you decide to confront him about it—saying that if he needed something from you, he could just ask and not…do all these weirdly nice things for you.

“I like you,” Seungcheol says, and you nearly trip on air out of surprise. Fortunately for you, he’s an athlete with good reflexes.

“What?” you ask hoarsely. “You’re not messing with me, are you?”

He snorts as he helps regain your balance. “Now why would I mess with the girl I like?”

That’s when it starts.

Practically speaking, dating someone in your senior year of high school isn’t very good of a decision. You’ve got college entrance exams to worry about on top of making sure you comply with the requirements from all your classes. But in the midst of your piling responsibilities, Seungcheol proves to be an effective stress reliever.

“Cheol,” you whimper, unconsciously grinding your hips against his as he nips at the sensitive spot below your jaw. “We still have homework…”

You can feel him smile against your skin as his hands start to knead your hips through the fabric of your sweats. That bastard. “We can get back to it after I help you relax. How’s that sound?”

Against your better judgment, you relent.

“Fine,” you whisper, fingers creeping up his neck and into his curly hair. “You know when to stop, right?”

Seungcheol presses your faces closer, eyes dark with desire as he nods once.

“Of course.”

That’s one of the things you loved about him. You know Seungcheol has his…needs, but never did the guy once act on them. He’s aware that you’re still hesitant to cross that line; knows that you aren’t ready. But he took your decision in stride and respected it, saying he’ll wait for you as long as it takes.

Fast forward to a month before graduation. The results for college entrance exams should be coming out soon, and a majority of the student population is considerably nervous. Seungcheol isn’t part of that demographic, though—having weaseled his way into a sports scholarship to a nearby university months prior.

“I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be so anxious about it,” he says one day while you’re hanging out in his room. “You aced your exams. I just know it.”

Of course he thinks you aced them. He only knows that you took the test for a local university—not the most prestigious academic institution in the country.

When the results come out and you do end up passing all the exams you took, you have a hard time thinking about how you can break the news to Seungcheol. Naturally, you’d choose to go to college in Seoul, but that meant you had to leave your hometown behind.

Leave Seungcheol behind.

You really meant to tell him after you all graduated. But when the day finally comes and you’ve mustered up the courage to be honest, Seungcheol unknowingly distracts you from your main agenda with his too heated touch, and too sultry kisses.

You let him have your first time then—both because you wanted to give it to him, and because of some misplaced sense of guilt. You haven’t even told him what he was about to lose, but you’re already compensating.

“I love you,” he whispers after the passion has burned out, leaving both of you to bask in the afterglow. “I’m so lucky to call you my girlfriend.”

When he leans in to kiss you, his lips taste sweet on yours—something that makes your heart ache with everything you need to say.

“Seungcheol,” you murmur back as you burrow yourself into his embrace, wishing you could just lay in his warmth forever.

“There’s something you need to know.”

...

“Sweetheart, are you alright over there?”

The sound of Jeonghan’s voice reels you right back into the present, where you’re busy sorting old files with him in his office.

It’s been a while since you sat down and recalled your memories with Seungcheol from high school. More because they’re too painful to remember than outright dislike for the man in general.

Right after you told him you’d be studying college in Seoul, he met the words with nerve-wracking silence. Until he slowly peeled himself away from your bed—putting his clothes back on without uttering a single word. You don’t dare watch him as he leaves your room nor do you let yourself cry until you’re sure he’s already left the house.

You hoped back then that he’d come around in a few days. But a bigger part of you knew things between you and Seungcheol had already ended before your heart could begin to accept it.

Yet somehow, like some sort of cosmic joke, the man sitting in front of you now—the first man you let yourself fall in love with after Seungcheol—is the same person who led you back to him.

“I just spaced out for a second,” you reason with a laugh as you tidy up some of the boxes on the floor. “Sorry about that.”

“That was definitely more than a second,” your boss laughs good-naturedly before hibernating the computer on his desk. “How about we take a quick break? You’ve helped me plenty, doll.”

You roll your eyes—already having a good grasp of what Jeonghan considers a ‘break’ in the privacy of his office. Still, you’re weak to his advances, so with one last glance at the door to make sure it’s locked, you waste no time climbing onto his lap.

“Hannie, you should really quit getting frisky on the job,” you mutter as he begins to pop open the buttons of your blouse. “The others already think you have a nasty case of favoritism. The last thing you should do is prove them right.”

Jeonghan lets out another chuckle, pressing your breasts together before nuzzling them. You let out a long, long sigh.

“Why shouldn’t they know you’re my favorite?” he whispers before peppering your chest with featherlight kisses—trailing his lips upward until you can feel his breath on your ear. “Why shouldn’t they know how many times I’ve had my way with you on this desk?”

“Yoon Jeonghan!” You laugh, absolutely scandalized. “You’re going to make me keel over one of these days.”

“Then at least you’ll die of pleasure, hm?”

You don’t dare complain as Jeonghan swipes the important documents off his desk, placing you on top of the polished wood as he bunches your tight skirt up to your waist. He groans when he sees you wearing his favorite stockings—the ones that come with a strap and garter set that complement your lacy underwear a bit too well.

“Why are you wearing something like this to work, sweetheart?” he sighs before sinking to his knees. “It’s like you’re asking me to fill you up until you’re dripping all over my desk. What’s that you said about not getting frisky on the job again?”

You merely flash him a ditzy smile before threading your fingers in his hair—pressing his pretty face where you want him.

“And if I am asking for it?”

Despite claiming to adore how the lingerie looks on you, Jeonghan is awfully quick to take it all off. Zero distractions, he said, before putting his mouth to good use.

Your hips buckle every time he tenses his tongue and dips it into your soaked entrance—rubbing two gentle fingers on your clit as an added stimulus. You know that Jeonghan likes it more when you’re loud and wanting, but given your current setting, you’re not about to risk getting both of you fired for semi-public indecency.

“You’re so worked up today, huh?” he observes when he pulls away, and you have to bite down a groan when you see the way your juices glisten across his pretty pink lips as he smiles. “Haven’t seen you this wet in a while, doll. Has Cheol not been taking care of you right whenever I’m away, hm?”

The mere mention of Seungcheol has you stiffening under his touch, though you didn’t mean to. Jeonghan definitely noticed the way you froze up, though, but you decide to get his mind off it by letting out a desperate mewl, locking your legs around his neck.

“I just missed you a lot,” you grumble.

That seems good enough an explanation for him.

After making you fall apart on his tongue, your boyfriend doesn’t quite let you off the hook so easily. You don’t particularly mind, since he’s broken your sex drive into ridiculousness at this point.

You’re whining when you feel Jeonghan press his hard length along your slit—teasing you for the sole purpose of hearing the cute noises that continuously spill from your lips. Sometimes, you get why people call him a wolf in sheep’s clothing. This guy acts like an angel for the most part, but is ruthless when he wants to be.

“You know what to do when you want something, right, sweetheart?” Jeonghan coos, dipping the head of his cock into your pulsing hole just to drive you insane. “Come on, I know you can do it.”

“Hannie,” you whimper. “Please?”

“Please, what? Use your words, baby.”

Fuck Yoon Jeonghan, honestly. Yourself, too, for falling in love with such an evil man.

“Please fill me up, Jeonghan.” Your fingers anchor themselves onto his shoulders, pressing your hips upward for any sort of friction. “Want your cum in me, please, please—”

Your breath catches in your throat when Jeonghan buries himself to the hilt, overloading your senses with the sudden feeling of being filled so much so quickly. It took you off-guard so much that tears started to pool at the corners of your eyes—something that Jeonghan notices right away.

“I’m sorry, love,” he chuckles, leaning forward to kiss them away. “You got me a little excited, is all. You’re starting to become a real occupational hazard, you know that?”

You pout at him, trying your best not to moan when you’re supposed to be sulking. “Then I can very much just hand you my resignation—oh!”

Jeonghan cuts your little spiel short with a shallow thrust that has you clenching down on his dick—strong hands holding up your thighs to help you wrap them around his waist. He smirks when he notices how you can barely form any sentences, gradually amping up the cadence of his thrusts as you lose yourself to the feeling of him inside you.

You always look prettiest when you lose your mind from the sensations only he can give you.

“My pretty baby is so needy,” he sighs, trying not to get addicted to how tightly your walls squeeze his cock. “Can’t last a few days without a good dicking down, can you? I’m going to have to tell Seungcheol to keep you real satisfied when I go on that business trip.”

Wait. Business Trip?

Jeonghan doesn’t give you much leeway to ponder about what he just said, though—lifting your ass higher to fuck into you at an angle that has stars bursting in the backs of your eyelids.

He definitely knocks something over and sends it clattering onto the floor because of the intensity of his pounding, but you don’t care. Not about his poor secretary, who’s the only soul in the office who knows about your relationship. And definitely not about how Jeonghan just told you he’ll tell Seungcheol to satisfy you while he’s away.

When he’s finally done with you, your boyfriend is thoughtful enough to reattach the straps and garters after he helps clean you up. Unless you want to keep my cum inside until you get home, he said. The filthy little thing. But part of you is convinced he’s just doing that as an excuse to feel you up again, which you’ll gladly let slide.

“So, this business trip you’re going on,” you say as you join him in the elevator half an hour later. “When is it again? And how long are you going to be gone?”

Jeonghan sighs, presumably unlocking his phone to check his calendar. “This Saturday, unfortunately. I’ll be heading to Busan for two weeks.”

“Can’t I come with you?” you ask, despite already knowing the answer.

He chuckles, shaking his head before smoothing down your hair. “Sweetheart, I won’t get any work done if either you or Cheol are there with me. Go have fun with each other while I bring food to the table, yeah?”

“Gee, I didn’t know you were such a breadwinner, Hannie.”

Jeonghan’s lips twitch into a small smile before he leans down to peck your lips. For a split second, you find yourself hoping the security guards won’t check the elevator footage, but the thought is lost to the wind when he says:

“Anything for you, love.”

Really, you can not be any more in love with the man.

In the office building’s lobby, Jeonghan grabs your wrist when you move to part ways with him. You shoot him a confused look.

“Won’t you come over tonight?” he whispers. “Cheol has a surprise for you.”

…Seungcheol has a what?

You have no clue about what that guy could possibly have thought to give to you as a surprise, and knowing Jeonghan, he’ll probably sales-talk you into paying their home a visit anyway. So, with a defeated sigh, you simply nod before he’s dragging you off to the parking lot.

This better be worth it.

…

It’s a bed.

Seungcheol got a king-sized bed to replace their old queen-sized one. For you. In their house.

Not only that, he even bought a whole separate wardrobe for you to fill with your clothes. So you don’t have to worry about not having anything to wear when you stay over, he said, and you had to keep yourself from staring at him like he personally insulted your mother.

“You shouldn’t have,” you tell him instead, biting down the warmth slowly spreading through your chest. “It must’ve cost a lot.”

“Sweetheart, trust me. This won’t make a single dent in Seungcheol’s bank account.” Jeonghan laughs, and you hate how he’s right. “He probably earns more from a single game than I do in a month.”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, but you don’t miss the red tinge on his cheeks. “Quit lying, Han. You’re the most loaded out of every one of us.”

Out of a childlike sense of curiosity more than anything else, you decide to fling yourself on top of the brand new bed—the mattress still sealed in plastic and everything. Your boyfriends stare at you with equal parts surprise and amusement as you let out a satisfied sigh.

“Gotta admit, it’s kinda nice having two sugar daddies.”

“Baby, I just messed you up an hour ago. You sure you want to rile me up again?” Jeonghan chuckles as he lies down right next to you.

An unspoken awkwardness suddenly materializes in the air before Seungcheol mimics Jeonghan and takes the vacant spot on your other side. Thankfully, it doesn’t last long, as Jeonghan immediately starts complaining about how annoying this potential business partner is being about a deal he wants to close.

You keep an attentive ear to whatever Jeonghan is saying, but you’re still receptive to Seungcheol's presence.

In the two months you’ve started officially dating both of them, you’ve never once shared a bed with Seungcheol—unable to let go of the memory of the last time you did. Sure, cuddling on the couch during movie nights is somewhat similar, but there’s this…intimacy to lying on the same bed that you just aren’t ready to feel around him.

God, you suddenly recall all that stuff Jeonghan told you about Seungcheol taking care of you.

Never mind having sex with him, you can’t even lie right next to the guy in bed without having an existential crisis.

Fortunately, Jeonghan isn’t the nosy type. He doesn’t mind the fact that it’s been two months, and you’re yet to invite them both into a more intimate setting. He hasn’t opened up any conversations about the logistics of it either, so you’re under the impression that he just thinks you’re taking your time getting to know Seungcheol first.

Oh, if he only knew.

“By the way, Joshuji told me something earlier,” Jeonghan says while the three of you eat some takeout that Seungcheol bought along with his furniture purchases.

“Who’s Joshuji again?” you wonder before sticking a forkful of pasta into your mouth.

Seungcheol laughs softly beside you. “That’s just some weird nickname he calls his secretary. He doesn’t want to say what it means though.”

“Well, Shua doesn’t want anyone to know but me, and I respect that.” Jeonghan pouts. “Anyways, he said that the trains are going to be closed for maintenance next week. You should just stay here for a while and let Cheol drive you to and from work while I’m away.”

You nearly spit out the food in your mouth, but keep yourself from doing so by calmly washing it down a glass of water. Though you’re a bit hesitant, you meet Seungcheol’s gaze with an earnest question in mind. “Uh, you okay with that? Didn’t the season just start for you?”

He nods. “Yeah, but it’s no big deal. I can pick you up from the office when I don’t have games.”

“How about when you do have games?”

“Then you’ll just have to come watch me play.”

It’s a tall proposition—one that both of you are fully aware of. You haven’t seen Seungcheol play since high school, and the utter surprise on your face the day Jeonghan introduced him to you as both his boyfriend and one of Seoul’s most talented football stars was utterly priceless.

And now you’re forced (not really, you still have the choice to decline) to witness him play the sport he loves for the first time in years.

You tell yourself that you’re only hesitant because you don’t even like him to begin with. Why should you come watch his games, right? But the more self-aware part of you knows it’s because you’re afraid.

Afraid of falling in love with him again once you see him where he shines brightest.

“Sure thing,” you finally say—all while mustering a smile that isn’t completely fake this time. “If Cheol doesn’t mind, then I’ll take up the offer.”

You could’ve sworn you saw Seungcheol smile that familiar, dimpled smile in the corner of your eye, but it’s gone when you move to take a better look.

…

That night, it’s just you and Seungcheol driving back to your apartment once more because Jeonghan had to take an important call. It’s from the same potential business partner he’d been bitching about two hours prior. He didn’t even want to answer it, but you talked him into doing so if he didn’t want your paychecks to take a hit this month.

“You can start filling up your closet back home when you stay with me next week,” Seungcheol suddenly says out of the blue once he stops in front of a red light—not really meeting your gaze.

“Seungcheol, why’d you do all that?”

“Do what?”

You roll your eyes. “You don’t have to act all nice and oblivious. Jeonghan isn’t here anyway.”

“Why do you always assume everything I do has Jeonghan counted into the mix?” he asks with an exasperated tone. “Can’t I do nice things for you just because I want to?”

“That’s because you never do nice things for me unless it’s to fool Jeonghan into thinking we actually get along?” you deadpan. “Come on, Seungcheol. I’m not an idiot. I know you still hate me for choosing Seoul over you, and you know I still hate you for just leaving me without any sort of explanation.”

Your eyes are quick to catch the way his grip tenses on the steering wheel, even under the muted light from the street lamps outside. Seungcheol doesn’t say anything more until he arrives at your destination, and you’re a little grateful for it.

However, when you slide out of the passenger seat—

“I don’t hate you.”

White noise fills your ears as you stand right beside the open car door—eyes filled with pure, unadulterated shock.

“Come again?” you ask, a disbelieving smile finding its way onto your face. Surely, he didn’t just say—

“I don’t hate you,” Seungcheol repeats, and you nearly melt from the intensity of his gaze. “I never did.”

But…that’s impossible.

If he didn’t hate you, he wouldn’t have just disappeared from your life like that. He wouldn’t have ignored you after all these years; wouldn’t have acted like such an insufferable asshole behind Jeonghan’s back.

However, instead of overexerting your brain by overthinking every single detail about your weird relationship so far, you decide to just let it go for tonight.

“Good night, Seungcheol.” You manage a tight-lipped smile, hoping it isn’t too obvious that you’re on the verge of tears again. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Hey, wai—”

You close the door to the passenger seat before he can convince you to stay a little longer—convinced that if he tells you he doesn’t hate you one more time, you’ll really break down in front of him.

And you’re not quite ready to show him that vulnerable side of you again. Not yet.

part one - part two - part three | masterlist

[luxeavenger]

You Really Wanna Do This Now?

Day 28 Kinktober prompt: Thigh riding

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Pairing: Mob Boss!Steve Rogers x f!reader

Words: 1652

Warnings: Thigh riding, frottage, semi-public sex, mob AU, mob boss Steve Rogers

If you like it, please give it a reblog! It helps others find it too!

Kinktober Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-fi

“You really wanna do this now?” Steve eyes you critically, clearly cautioning you that you should not, in fact, do this now.

Your six-foot five-inch mob-boss boyfriend scares the ever-loving shit out of most of the people he meets. You were not one of those people. Sure, you loved him dearly, and would do anything Steve asked of you, but you both have a stubborn streak a mile wide.

“Yes I do, dammit. I don’t need a fucking escort to the mall. I don’t need a babysitter Steve!” You glower at him, “I just want to go buy a sweater to wear to dinner tonight for fuck’s sake!”

He steps closer to you, and lowers his voice, “I’d like to think I don’t have to remind you what happened to Bucky’s girl last month. How she was followed home from the grocery store. How she was shot at. How she was nearly shot. How she had to move out of the house her grandmother left her because every rival of ours for hundreds of miles in any direction knows about it—and her—after the shooting. How she didn’t want to take even one fucking man with her to buy fucking laundry detergent. A man who’s trained to recognize a tail, and could’ve picked out the son of a bitch following her and dealt with him long before it became an issue. I’d like to think I don’t have to remind you that Bucky could have lost her, and that it almost killed him to think of her being injured, much less dead.”

Ugh. Yeah. He was right. You deflate. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll take someone.”

“No. I don’t think so,” he scoffs. “I’ve got a meeting shortly, but I’m free after that, so I’ll go with you to get your sweater. But first-”

He takes your hand and leads you over to the big chair in the backroom of Bucky’s bar. He sits, and pats his lap. You plop down in it and wrap your arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry, doll. I just worry about you. You know that. I’m not trying to be an asshole, or treat you like anything other than the fierce, capable, intelligent woman I fell in love with. I just want to keep you safe. What happened with Bucky’s girl scared the shit out of me, because it could have easily been you. You’re so damn hard headed about taking one of my men with you when I’m not available.”

“I know, Steve. You’re right, and I’m sorry. I just hate feeling like I’m being handed off to a babysitter.”

“I understand that. Maybe I can start sending Sam with you? He’s good at what he does, but he’s friendlier than some of my other guys. He’ll actually talk to you instead of just lurking. Would that make you feel better?”

You put your head in the crook of his neck and nod, “It would. He’s sweet, I like Sam.”

“That’s good. I’m glad we settled that.” You try to stand, but he holds you in place. “We’re not done here.”

“What else is there? Isn’t your meeting starting soon?”

“It is,” he nods. “Take your panties off.”

“But your-”

“Did I ask?” He’s using his don’t-fuck-with-me voice now, and you know if you don’t drop those panties fast, whateve he’s got in store for you now will just get worse the more you argue or stall, and he’d end up bending you over the bar during happy hour, and spanking you in front of everyone.

So you scrabble out of his lap to wiggle out of your panties.

“Good girl,” he purrs, slipping a hand up your skirt to slide his fingers through your folds. “Oh doll, you’re so fucking wet right now.” He slips two fingers inside you and groans at the feel of you clenching around his digits.

You whine when he takes his fingers back.

“Not now, doll.” He pats his leg, “Sit.”

You try to sit in his lap again, but he steers you over his thigh. He pushes you down and flexes the thick muscle. “Steve!” you gasp and grab onto his shoulders.

He smirks at you, “Aww. Now where on earth did all that sass go?” He cocks an eyebrow at you, “No? Nothing? Well that’s so nice. I wonder what took its place?” He bounces his thigh and you groan, “Ooohhh, that’s right! I replaced little Miss Sassypants with a horny girl and her dripping cunt. You’ve already soaked through my slacks, doll.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumble.

He kisses the tip of your nose, “Don’t be sorry. I love my horny girl. And I love the mess her soaking wet pussy makes.” He flexes his thigh and you whine. “Feel good, doll?” He chuckles when you nod. “Ride it then,” his voice drops an octave, and heat licks though your stomach.

You roll your hips with a soft sigh, and grab Steve’s shoulders to steady yourself. His hands fall to your hips with a quiet, good girl.

“Boss?” Clint’s voice comes from the doorway behind you, and your cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“Give me two minutes, then send them in.”

Steve leans up to remove his jacket, and throws it over your shoulders, protecting a little of your modesty, and cocooning you in his heat and the comforting smell of his cologne. You grab onto his leather shoulder holster to steady yourself. Someone sits in one of the chairs, and you try to turn around to see who it is, but Steve grabs your face, “You don’t need to concern yourself with anything except riding this thigh right here,” he bounces you on his leg and you yelp. “Got it?”

“Yes, Steve.”

“Good girl.”

“What’d she do this time?” Bucky asks with a chuckle.

“Tryin’ to pull the same shit your old lady pulled last month,” Steve explains.

Steve’s right-hand man goes quiet, thinking of nothing but how scared he was at seeing the fear on his girl’s face when he finally got to her after the shooting.

“Sweetheart, you know he’s right. Trust me when I say that’s not something you want to put Steve through. He’ll burn this fucking city to the ground and salt the ashes if anything happens to you.”

You look at Steve, and his face is carved from stone, but you can read the truth of what Bucky said in the deep blue pools of his eyes. A soft sorrow is written there, brought on by the mere thought of harm ever coming to you.

You throw your arms around his neck, “I’m sorry, Steve.”

He noses in your hair, “I know, doll. It’s okay.” He pats your ass, “Someone’s not listening.”

“Oh, right,” you giggle.

The door to the Bucky’s office clicks open, and Steve whispers “Don’t you dare stop.”

You hide your face in his neck, and continue to circle your hips and grind down onto his leg. The textured gabardine of his slacks rub against you in the sweetest way. A shudder rolls up your body and you moan.

“That’s it, doll. Let me hear how good it feels.” You nod into his neck.

A man with a mousy voice addresses Steve, “Uhh, Mr. Rogers, sir, is… is she going to be here... doing… that the whole time?”

“Bucky, would you please toss Mr. Holiday out on his ass, with a gentle reminder to not concern himself with other people’s business in the future? Even though he’s no longer our problem. Make it very clear to him that he’s not welcome in my fucking city anymore.”

There are sounds of a struggle as Bucky hauls the man out of his chair and drags him out of the room.

Steve’s voice is low and dangerous, “If you pricks have any other questions about shit that doesn’t concern you, go ahead and ask them now, so I can cut the tongue out of your mouth before Bucky gets back. He hates when I make a mess on his floors.”

His tone gets you even wetter, and you groan into the crook of his neck. You can feel the chuckle rumble through his chest. He slides hand inside the shelter of the jacket draped over you, and slips it up your thigh. He stops just short of anywhere he’d do any good and you whimper.

You wiggle your hips side to side to get as much contact with his thigh as you can, and start dragging your cunt over him faster. He’s talking calmly about territory disputes, and new up and comers from their rivals who are trying to make a name for themselves by picking off Steve and Bucky’s men.

He’s talking calmly, while you’re sitting here fucking yourself over his thigh in a room full of his associates, feeling like you’re going to burst into flames.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp. Steve flexes his thick thigh muscle. “Oh, fuck. Again.” His muscle ripples languidly, and you squeeze this shoulder holster straps until the leather creaks. His hand on your thigh starts pushing and pulling you over him faster. You’re huffing humid breaths into the crook of his neck, and trying not to be too loud.

“Come on, doll,” he whispers against the shell of your ear. “Know you’re ready to come for me.” You nod against his shoulder. “Then do it.”

Your body snaps taut like a bowstring, you only keep moving over his leg because he’s using his hand to rock you against his thigh. You bite your lip to keep yourself from getting loud, but you can’t help the little breathy whimpers that trickle out of you when your cunt gushes over his expensive gabardine slacks.

His thumb traces circles over your thigh when he whispers, “Good girl. Now keep going until we’re done here, and I’ll fuck you over Bucky’s desk before I take you shopping.”

If you liked it, please smash that reblog button so others can find it too!

[obanaispy]

omg pent up samu who's into regular-customer-reader so he goes onto a cam site in hopes of finding some look alike to jack off to but instead ends up seeing a familiar face 👀

smile for the camera!

{ adult audience only }

notes: @natriae also sent in this request with this plot, “okay ive been waiting for webcam y/n for so long🤞🤞maybe with Osamu, Suna, and Sakusa. i feel like Osamu would agree to be in the video with y/n and y/n would just wanna show off their precious baby. Telling everyone to look at how cute Osamu is as they ride him, but he would just be so dazed 😌 Now Sakusa 100% didn’t realize how into it he was till he actually watched from behind the camera as y/n streamed”. i will be incorporating both thoughts into these drabbles and thank you for sending in your thoughts! (y’all are creative as fuck i love it).

warnings: dirty talk { it’s soft core so there aren’t many }

wc: 1.3k

200 followers event: click me

characters included: suna rintarou ,kiyoomi sakusa , osamu miya

suna rintarou, the regular.

⍟ y/n had given suna something he’s lacked in all his years of living— structure. ever since he saw you on the top 5 “best webcam models on the west coast”, he’s sure to never miss a live stream— friday’s strictly being set aside to support you.

⍟ he’s not one of the watchers who speaks a lot but he definitely captures your attention with the enormous tips he sends in. he’s sure to attach what positions he loves you in the most, instructing you to pose up for him and him only. in his eyes, these lives are specifically for him and he has the dough to back up that mindset.

⍟ one thing you’ve always loved about suna is that he was never one to directly show you attention. with that being said, you couldn’t help but be a bit excited once you saw that message ..

“ user @sun.taro has requested a private session “

“crazy how you wore my favorite set without me saying a word..” sighs “too bad it wont be on for long..”

suna’s 1 hour session had ended 20 minutes ago yet here you both were, talking each other through yet another orgasm. “spread it open for me baby.. let me see how good i have that pussy feeling..” he husked out lowly, hand pumping his cock as he watched the way you rode your dildo— the ground below you drenched in the juices from those previous orgasms. suna’s brows furrowed as he imagined how good you felt. maybe this call was a mistake.. because now? he was hungry for more.

your eyes stayed focus on the way he pleasured himself to the view of you. brain turning to mush at the pet names he graced you with. all it took was one more “there we go pretty girl.. make daddy proud” before you were gasping for air, his orgasm following shortly after. coming down from that high, you could do nothing but smile modestly— contrasting all of your previous actions . “i feel like you did more than me. maybe you should be the webcam model” you laugh softly, throwing on your robe. suna simply responded with a chuckle as he cleaned himself up, “i find my pleasure in watching you lose your morals simply at my command.. to me that’s more than enough..”. his words sent a chill down your spine but the next ones would affect your entire being.

“hope you know i’d give anything to experience you in person.. how about it?”

kiyoomi sakusa, the supportive bf

⍟ one thing sakusa always loved about you is that you were always serious about your money and your craft. you spent bands on equipment, outfits and even took the time to write out elaborate scripts.

⍟ no matter how supportive, he always tried to give you your privacy during filming. he understood the men who watched enjoyed the idea of a single y/n— his presence would simply ruin the entire persona. he knew this he swear he did.. so why did he find himself sitting behind your camera— cock throbbing through his sweats as you worked through your set.

“i’m aware of how bad you want to fuck me..”

y/n’s regulars were eating up how into today’s session she was. her words were dripping with filth, cunt squelching more than it ever as she slowly worked to stretch herself open, eyes low and body glistening as she worked on her second orgasm. in all honesty, y/n was paying no attention to the men that drooled over her in the stream. no no, what really caught her attention was her introverted boyfriend boldly pumping his dick as his eyes stayed trained on her.

she felt herself throb as she watched the way kiyoomi’s hips thrusted upwards, lips slightly parted as he whispered low enough for only her to hear “y/n.. wanna fuck you so bad right now.. that pussy is calling my name.. you’re so fucking filthy” he gritted, his own vulgarity shocking him for only a moment before he drowned deeper into his lust. “i’m nothing more than a dirty slut.. need to be cleaned out so fucking bad..” y/n moaned out sweetly.

their viewers would never know why the stream suddenly ended. y/n couldn’t care enough to inform them as she struggled to keep any string of sanity as kiyoomi folded her in half— fucking her cunt like he never had before. he should definitely sit in more often.

osamu miya, the sweet + osamu miya, the intrigued

⍟ osamu was completely aware of the audience y/n attracted. men who got off the fact that she was completely unobtainable. when walking past her recording room he would have to hold in chuckles as he listened to the way he broke these simps—- managing to add sex appeal to each insult.

⍟ he would immediately agree to the idea of him joining you in a stream. all he asked in return was for you to try a new dish he had been experimenting with. he was a very simply boyfriend to please.

“have you ever made someone feel like this? i already know the answer.”

y/n’s hand caressed osamu’s head as she rode his cock in reverse cowgirl. they sat in her favorite chair so that their viewers could see the way his face twisted in pleasure, mind too dazed to provide any additional commentary. “look at my pretty boy.. this pussy was made just for him.. wasn’t it baby?”. osamu could do nothing but nod, hands gripping her hips firmly as she started to guide her down into his thrusts— low groans coming out loud enough for her and her only. he was sure to bury his head in her neck every so often, marking her up to show the lames watching exactly who she belonged to. his hands couldn’t get enough of touching her, groping and pulling on her nipples as his hand snaked around to give her clit much needed attention.

it wasn’t long before he said “fuck the stream”, now bending y/n over to where her face sat directly in frame, eyes crossed in ecstasy. finally focusing them she smirked, brows furrowed as he filled her up to her gut. “daddy’s fucking me so good.. you could never experience this— how embarrassing is that” she laughed, being cut off quickly with another moan. the tips were nonstop until the stream ended, y/n completely disregarding any and every donation as her pretty boy proved exactly why she was his and his only.

⍟ osamu had never had a crush on someone for this long, nor had he liked someone this hard. not hard enough for him to be clicking through his favorite webcam site— hoping to find someone as beautiful as you.

⍟ who would’ve thought he’d be lucky enough to find you instead! he barely recognized you out of the barista appropriate attire you wore at the coffee shop he visited regularly

“ @chefmiiya thank you for the $100 tip lovely.. this next one goes out to you..”

osamu could do nothing but blush at the way she said his name, cock gripped tightly in his palm as he watched the way you shoved in your lovense— starting the vibrating pattern he requested. he twitched in sensitivity, eyes refusing to blink once he saw how well their body reacted to the toy, brain trying to process how good she looked out of that uniform that truly didn’t do her justice.

after about ten minutes he had no choice but to switch to his fleshlight, groaning shamelessly as he matched y/n’s pace, cock thrusting and stretching the toy that barely provided him the stimulation he needed. he wanted to feel her. he wanted to be the one who had their toes curling, hands gripping onto your sheets as she let out jumbled thanks. honestly, the repeated “holy fuck mr. miya.. you surely know how to please a cunt.. ready to see me cum so hard for you baby?” was more than enough. osamu held in his orgasm until the last second, loads shooting out as soon as he saw her o-face appear.

cleaning up his mess he tried to fully process the fact that y/n was a webcam artist, thoughts quickly being interrupted once he heard a ding.

“yk.. your name looks so familiar..”

[cjsinkythoughts]

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day. 

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.” 

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. 

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

~

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

~

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

[outerbankies]

You know how teenager rafe is gonna just be spiralling over reader going to prom with someone else? I’m going to cry cause like he’s a baby and he doesn’t know why he has these feeling for this one person that he’s always kind of orbited around?? And he knows she’s it for him but only deep down cause he’s trying to figure so much out and how could you know who you’re going to end up with at the age of 17 let alone 10 or 12 but he’s always known and aaaaah imagine that kind of love

an angsty little pre-series prom blurb partially inspired by this ^ ask that made me spiralll. thanks anon i hope u like this!

—

new light blurb: before we knew — rafe cameron

new light series masterlist

obv takes place pre-series in high school! referenced in part 1

warnings: underage drinking

“Top, it’s not fucking funny.”

“It’s kinda fucking funny, Y/n/n. Like, way more than a little.”

Rafe had ditched the last fifteen minutes of statistics when he finished his test early today, and he’d been messing around on his phone for ten minutes waiting for the rest of you to come and get in Topper’s Jeep so you could all go to lunch off-campus today.

Rafe stands up straight from where he’d been leaning against the hood when he hears your voice approaching, his smile matching yours once you see him. “Hey, Rafe. How did your stats test go?”

“Good, hey, Y/n. What’s not funny?” he asks, opening the passenger side door for you before sliding into the backseat behind you.

“Oh, get this, Rafe,” Topper says, laughing. You just groan again, clicking your seatbelt on. “Griffin is gonna ask Y/n to prom. Tomorrow.”

Rafe blanches. “Griffin?”

He knew Griffin thought you were hot. Certainly had to hear it enough times in the pool at practice every day. Rafe always found himself biting back a remark—well, almost always. As captain, Rafe was able to tell everyone to run another play whenever he felt like it. The extra exertion in the pool was nothing compared to having to tread water and hear his teammate talk about you like that.

But even after all of that, he still had no idea Griffin had the balls to actually make a move on you. Because Rafe could tell you’d seriously rather die than ever give Griffin the time of day. And Griffin had been pursuing you without luck for months, even though you’d been trying to gently show you weren’t interested. Half of the time, Rafe wished you'd just tell him to fuck off.

The other half of the time, Rafe was considering just doing it for you.

Rafe clears his throat after his outburst, a finger digging into a hole in his jeans. “How do you know?”

“He just told me in PE,” Topper says. “He said he has this huge banner, and speakers, and he’s gonna do it at lunch right in the middle of the quad—”

“Topper.” You cut him off a bit more seriously this time; Rafe can hear the shift in your tone. You've always hated being anywhere close to the center of attention, getting embarrassed by the smallest things others wouldn’t even think about. If Griffin actually knew anything about you the way Rafe does, he’d know you wouldn’t like something big and flashy. “Can you stop?”

“Hey, cut it out, Top,” Rafe is saying immediately. Topper just rolls his eyes, but Rafe doesn’t care. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Rafe,” you say, smiling over your shoulder at him. “M’fine.”

“Do you want me to tell Griffin to—”

Topper laughs from the driver’s seat, clearing his throat to cover it up when you look over at him. You look back at Rafe, and his heart breaks at the worry in your face. “Don’t, Rafe.”

“Are you gonna say yes?”

“No,” you immediately laugh, looking at him like the idea is preposterous.

“Oh c’mon, Y/n/n. Can’t say no to him in front of all those people,” Topper teases. “And where the fuck is Kelce? I’m starving.”

“You’re right,” you sigh. “I don’t wanna embarrass him. I’ll just find him after school today and tell him I’m going with Kelce.”

Topper’s eyes widen, Rafe catches it in the rearview mirror before he hurriedly looks away. Rafe clears his throat, settling back into his seat from where he’d been leaning into the front space to talk with you. “You—uh, are you actually going with Kelce?”

“Yeah,” you nod, distracted by your phone. “We said we’d go together if we didn’t find dates. Kelce didn’t really wanna ask anyone after what happened last summer. And after nearly being set up with Top last night, I’m about ready to throw in the towel.“

Rafe looks to his friend that sits in the driver’s seat, who's looking straight at his lap, the back of his neck bright red. “Wait, you two?”

“It was just our parents, dude. Went to dinner at the club last night and our moms brought it up,” Topper mumbles. You giggle at the idea, completely unaware of the energy in the car right now.

“Yeah, sorry, Thornton. But no thanks. You and Emily should be really cute, though,” you say earnestly, patting his shoulder.

Topper just stares straight ahead. “Thanks, Y/n/n.”

“And then this thing with Griffin—I’m just so over the idea of finding an actual date at this point,” you sigh. “Plus, I know Kelce won’t put up a fight about the color scheme. I’m thinking like, aqua. Or maybe pink? I don't think I'd look good in gold.”

You'll look good in absolutely anything, and Rafe will just have to watch you from across the floor of the Island Club, while Kelce twirls you around the dance floor or holds you close during a slow dance.

The guy in question opens the car door and slides into the backseat next to Rafe right then, sighing as he slides his backpack off. “Sorry guys, coach stopped me in the hall. Where are we eating?”

Rafe glares at him.

“I want a smoothie,” you declare from the front seat.

“Fine with me,” Topper nods, pulling out of his parking spot. “Guys?”

“Can we go to that place with the deli next door? I’m so hungry,” Kelce says.

“Yeah, I like their açaí bowls,” you say, twisting around to look at Rafe one more time. He must not be able to hide his emotions as much as he thought, because your smile drops when you see him. “Rafe? Does that sound good?”

He turns his body to look out the window, eyes flicking back to yours one last time. “Not hungry.”

—

Rafe meets Topper and Kelce at the dock later that night, the three of them intending to get drunk and maybe take Topper’s boat out if they felt like it.

Kelce is already there by the time Rafe pulls up, drinking a beer with Topper while they laugh at something on his phone.

And Rafe paces right down the dock, snatches Kelce’s phone out of his hand, and pushes him off the platform and into the water.

“Rafe, dude,” Topper says, immediately pushing him back by his chest.

“What the fuck?” Kelce sputters, spitting out water as he surfaces and climbs the ladder back up. “What is your fucking problem?”

“You couldn’t ask literally fucking anyone else? It had to be Y/n?” Rafe says, laughing indignantly. He looks down at where Topper is still keeping them separated. “And you—what the fuck—”

“I told you, man. It was just our moms. We didn’t even consider it,” Topper says, rolling his eyes.

“You both lied to me,” Rafe accuses. “Because you knew I’d be mad.”

“And why’s that, Rafe?” Kelce spits, reaching around Topper to try and push at his chest. “Why are you mad? Not like you were gonna ask her.”

“No,” Rafe says immediately. And he isn’t even lying; it’d never crossed his mind as a possibility. Which is why he can’t even begin to try and work out why he’s this upset about it. He didn’t do anything to stop this, but it’s still happening, and it’s making him crazy. “You know my dad’s making me take Reagan since we’re both on prom court.”

“That’s what I thought,” Kelce grumbles. “I was gonna tell you.”

“When?”

“Soon, I just—we made the plan so long ago, bro. Neither of us wanted to worry about dates… but I gave it time because I thought you might—I dunno,” Kelce trails off, shrugging. “I dunno.”

“Thought I might what?”

“Figure your shit out and ask her yourself,” Topper says, coming back from the boathouse with a towel that he passes to Kelce.

“Even if I could, Y/n/n would never say yes to me,” Rafe scoffs, shaking his head and reaching for the six-pack they were working through.

Topper scoffs back. “Oh, yeah ri—”

“Guess we’ll never know,” Kelce says, cutting him off while he dumps the water out of his shoes. He sighs at his soaked clothes before he looks back up at Rafe. “You know I’m not into her right? We’re just going as friends. It’s senior prom.”

“Why would I care what you’re going as?” Rafe says, shifting in discomfort, hand clutching his already-half-empty beer can a little tighter. “None of it even matters.”

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself, bro,” Kelce sighs, grabbing his phone out of Rafe’s hand and pushing past him to go change.

—

“Nice taste, Y/l/n.”

You whirl around from where you’d been adjusting Kelce’s boutonnière (you’d only pricked him twice, which was a personal record for you) at the sound of Rafe’s voice, plastering on a smile before you face him. Your eyes drop to his attire immediately. “Oh shit, Rafe. We match.”

“I know,” he laughs. “My step-mom wants a picture.”

You furrow your eyebrows, shifting in your heels, the tule of your dress suddenly itchy against your legs. “Um. Shouldn’t you take one with Reagan?”

“We already took a million. From every angle. With every possible fucking pose,” Rafe sighs. “C’mon, please? Before the limo comes.”

Rafe grabs your hand and you look back at Kelce who just nods, downing some champagne. “Take care of my date, Cameron.”

You can see Rafe just shake his head where you trail behind him, leading you back to where Rose is talking to one of the other moms. “There you are. Your dress is beautiful! I wish we'd found one like that for Reagan. It looks great with Rafe's tuxedo.”

“Uh, yeah. It's nice to see you, Mrs. Cameron,” you say politely, ignoring the last half of what she said completely. She pulls up her phone and Rafe’s bringing you into his side, his hand resting in the middle of your back.

“This okay?” he murmurs, his breath fanning over your neck as he leans down.

“Yep,” you say quickly, but you can’t help but look around and catch multiple of your friends watching you, including Reagan, who promptly rolls her eyes once you make eye contact with her.

“Y/n, sweetie, just a few pictures for the newsletter,” Rose says, reminding you of your purpose right now.

“Right, sorry,” you say.

“Hey,” Rafe whispers. You look up at him, feeling his hand bring you closer to his body. “Take this a little more seriously, Y/l/n. Don’t you know that the next issue of the Island Club newsletter will be completely ruined without this one specific photo, that will probably be squished into the corner of a terribly- edited collage?”

You laugh in surprise, hitting him on his chest for joking about his step-mom right in front of her. “Rafe. Be nice.”

He just grins down at you, before straightening up and turning back to the camera. “If I’m nice, will you save a dance for me later tonight?”

You’re glad he’s not looking at you anymore, because then he’d see the way your smile faltered before you turn back to the camera as well. “Sure.”

—

“How is my flask empty?” Kelce groans, tipping it over and shaking it out for emphasis.

“That’s what happens when you drink it all, bud,” you laugh, patting his shoulder. He rolls his eyes at you, linking his arm in yours as you both pass through the crowd to find Topper and his date, Emily. You all watch Rafe up on stage, waiting to inevitably be crowned prom king.

He was a shoo-in anyway, but you’d definitely distracted your English teacher with a conversation about the 1984 essay you just turned in while Topper and Kelce stuffed the ballot box he was meant to be guarding.

Rafe seemed like he couldn’t care less about stuff like prom court, just shaking his head when his name was announced over the speaker as a nominee three weeks ago at lunch.

And he’d dragged his feet through finding a date, just shrugging whenever you brought it up to him, prying partially for your own sake.

You couldn’t figure out why he seemed so averse to the entire event, but you supposed that was better than having to hear him go on and on about Reagan and how he asked her and what corsage he bought for her and if he was bringing her to after-prom—or anything else that would’ve dragged up some feelings you thought you’d firmly buried at this point, telling yourself for years that you never stood a chance with Rafe.

But the closer graduation got, the more you’ve been realizing that things with your friends would never be the same. Things with Rafe would never be the same.

“Kildare Academy, your prom king is Rafe Cameron,” the DJ says, snapping you out of your thoughts. Kelce and Topper cheer obnoxiously while you laugh, a little grateful they’re both drunk and distracted—so happy their plan worked (Rafe subtly flips them off behind his back as he’s crowned) that they can’t notice the way your shoulders slump as Rafe leads Reagan, just crowned queen, out to the middle of the dance floor while some Ed Sheeran song starts playing through the speakers. You’d roll your eyes at the terrible music selection if that was what you could focus on.

All you could focus on was wondering if Rafe would even remember that you promised him a dance tonight.

Kelce is dramatically bringing you into his arms as the prom court dance takes place, subtly turning you around so your back faces the stage and the court, smiling as he holds your waist. “C’mon, dance with me.”

—

Rafe’s letting go of Reagan as soon as the song ends and everybody cheers, dashing off to the DJ booth after telling her he’d be back in a bit. She merely shrugged before adjusting her crown and going off to some friends.

“Hey man, can I pull some prom king privilege right now?” he says, leaning in to speak into the guys’ ear. “I have a song request.”

“Playlist is set, approved by the school,” he says dismissively.

“Thought you might say that,” Rafe grumbles, reaching into his breast pocket before he can take the time to wonder if he’s really going to do this—if he’s really going to bribe the DJ to play a song by your favorite band before he goes to cash in on that dance together that you’d promised.

He hands him a crisp hundred.

The DJ sighs, snatching it out of his hand and pocketing it while Rafe smirks in victory. “Alright, what song, country club?”

And then it's practically a race to find you before the Kid Cudi remix currently playing ends. Rafe heads off in the direction where Topper and Kelce had been yelling when he was on stage, evening his pace when he spots you jumping around with Kelce, your dress fanning around you while you laugh, the string lights illuminating your face.

You’re smiling so big that it stops Rafe in his tracks.

Guys had always shown interest in you, and you turned most of them down. Not all of them; Rafe still had to see you with guys who absolutely did not deserve you giving them the time of day, sometimes at parties or maybe at the Club. Rafe could usually lie to himself, write off these feelings as some protectiveness over you, a nice girl who’d been a good friend to him his entire life. Rafe was protective of all the people he held close in his life, why wouldn’t he look out for you, too?

But something must have changed, because now—now Rafe’s looking at you, and he knows time is running out before you both set off on your futures. He has three weeks of school left with you, then a summer of seeing you around. And then... that's it.

And now he’s looking at you, those feelings less and less ignorable with every single second closer Rafe gets to not having you around him every day anymore.

Those feelings are crowding every corner of his mind, finally coming to the surface after all of the drama with prom dates had forced Rafe to wonder why he couldn’t stand you going with Griffin or Topper or Kelce. Couldn’t stand thinking about you ever being with someone that wasn’t him—a reality he knows he’d have to get used to you a lot quicker than it took him to even realize he’d fallen for you.

Because the future’s coming, and maybe in the future you actually end up with someone like Griffin, or Mateo, or that guy from the party that one time, or that touron from New England that your parents tried to set you up with, some hotshot you brought home from California after a semester, or Kelce—even Topper. Your parents would love that one. And one day in this future, you’re running into Rafe on the soccer field; your kids play for the same team together. Rafe ended up settling for someone he could never like half as much as he loved you, and he sees you across the field with a sweater tied around your shoulders, chatting with all of the other moms. The lucky asshole you finally chose just watches you the way Rafe always had, the way he is now as you dance with his best friend, the way Rafe will probably never be able to stop himself from doing.

Or maybe there's another future without you, where you move away to somewhere that suits you; the Outer Banks had never good enough for you, in his mind. Maybe you stay in California after school. And you bring home that hotshot that’s perfectly matched for you, who gets to hold you and kiss you and have you. Rafe only gets to see you every once in a while, when you decide to grace the Outer Banks with your presence for the holidays or for Midsummers. Maybe in this scenario, Rafe was never able to find someone else, maybe he shows up solo while you flash your engagement ring when the old crew gets together for drinks—no, you wouldn’t do that. You’d be absolutely smitten with whoever won your heart, showing the ring he got you to your girl friends with an embarrassed little smile pulling at your lips while they all gush over it. And maybe one of your friends jokes about how Rafe used to have a crush on you. You'll just laugh and shrug it off, nodding—because you knew all along. Of course you knew, everyone had to know at this point. And Rafe can picture you merely laughing at his feelings for you as the other guy gets to pull you closer on his lap.

The opening chords of your song snap him out of his reverie. He can see the exact moment you realize what song it is.

Rafe beelines for you, holding his hand out as soon as he’s in your vicinity, fully pretending he hadn’t just realized he’s fallen for one of his closest friends in the middle of prom. Like he hadn't realized that he wasn't just into you, didn't just think you were cute or like the way you made him feel when you remembered his stats tests or wore his shirt to his water polo games. Like he hadn't just realized that no matter how many times he'd told himself it didn't bother him that much that you'd never come close to giving him the time of day, that he'd never forget what it felt like to not even be on your radar.

“You promised me a dance, Y/n.”

You look at him and his outstretched hand and smile, then look back to Kelce, who's quickly letting you out of his arms, casting an accusatory glance at Rafe. But then he smiles a little. “I'm gonna hit the restrooms.”

“Too bad our one dance is gonna be to a song by a band you hate,” you laugh, accepting Rafe's hand. Rafe’s on autopilot, his hands resting on your lower back while yours move to his chest, swaying the two of you in little circles. The song is already through with the first verse.

“I don’t hate this band,” he lies. But maybe it’s not a lie—how could he hate anything you loved?

“Okay, prom king,” you laugh, fiddling with his pocket square a little, the one that matches your dress. “Still can’t believe we ended up matching.”

“Great minds, Y/l/n,” he shrugs, eyes trained on your face. Your hands slip up around his shoulders, and you nudge the plastic crown on his head before leaving your arms to rest there, fingers locked behind his neck. Rafe pulls you closer. The second chorus was already starting up. Time was running out.

“I’m not sure what the optics are of our matching and you leaving the prom queen to come dance with your friend,” you say, your small smile turning into a frown. “Reagan already seemed pissed earlier.”

“Don’t worry about her,” Rafe says. “It’s just you and me right now.”

“When we go off to college, I think I might just miss you, Cameron,” you say, smiling.

And Rafe might not ever get to tell you how he feels, or ever be with you the way he wants to, but at least he got to dance with you at his senior prom.

“I know I'm gonna miss you.”

—

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