Tumgik
#and im having thoughts and feelings ect ect
bigmeandragonlady · 15 hours
Text
since im sleep-deprived and upset about not being able to finish my drink and needed very little encouragement, here are some fun little thoughts and theories:
i can't wait for us to reveal our curse to Kuras and he says along the lines of 'yes, i already knew'
speaking of Kuras, you know how he reattached our arm? he could feasibly give us new, uncursed hands. who's are they? don't worry about that
the mentor in the alchemist background refused to teach the mc to cast magic or any sort of fighting in an effort to keep them helpless and declawed
i get the feeling that on top of familyish trama there's also medical trauma in the alchemist bg
the lines "did you ever once love me?" "how can one love a pebble in their shoe?" keeps repeating whenever i think about the alchemist bg. anyway im gonna stop talking about that bg before i get carried away
ocudeus and/or Ais want to take over Eridia
Kuras goes out every fogfall to find any survivors and Ais tends to help after
there will come a point in Vere's route where if you don't have enough romance/positive flags he'll kill you. again
Leander is a cult leader and you're going to become his new god
Mhin is either descended from or a member of the original aristocracy of Lovent OR is part of one of those teams that went on an expedition and never came back. im leaning towards the latter b/c it's more interesting to me. but it could also be both
what do u wanna bet that one of mhin's bad ends are both of us ending up chained/test subjects for the senobium
leander said that he/eridia had seen a lot of curses, i wanna know what some of them are- how mundane are they? your heel always catches in cracks, walking under ladders will cause them to fall, babies always cry whenever they see you, mirrors always crack whenever they reflect you, everything you touch turns to milk, every third dishware you handle will break, ect ect. i wanna know more about this
22 notes · View notes
kaelthas-dickrider · 5 months
Text
yall im getting at least 200k inheritance
9 notes · View notes
constantvariations · 7 months
Text
Not me forgetting the Unicorn of War video on the White Fang 🙃🙃🙃
4 notes · View notes
jvzebel-x · 10 months
Text
🦋
x. polite because no one deserves to be purposefully treated rudely. kind because kindness keeps a person gentle. sweet because making people smile is uplifting. helpful for the same reason. supportive because if you dont have anything nice to say, it's extremely easy not to say anything at all. above all, do unto others what you would have them do unto you.
o. polite because it's the best way to fade all the way into the background. kind because i'm too afraid to let myself be cruel. sweet because of overwhelming&pathetic desperation to make people happy. helpful because it's too exhausting to cause waves. supportive because other's goals are a great distraction from my own. above all, a smile makes the best camouflage as long as no one can ever see you sweat.
x. lonely+isolated because of mental+physical health restrictions. i miss people-- i miss being surprised, i miss relating to people on any level that isn't abject pain. i miss connection, communion, community.
o. alone+introspective because it pays off to be so. i don't miss people at all-- in fact it is a true sign of growth that it is not my knee-jerk reaction to say that i hate them for everything that (an admittedly small sampling of) people have done to me.
x. i am so terrified of communication at this point, &traumatized by Other People just in general, that i regularly shut my notifications off on everything because the sound of any form of notification ring that i recognize can literally kick off vicious panic attacks and send me running for dark corners, lmao. i am pathetic-- but i am a survivor.
o: i am charming, fun, &social to varying degrees dependent on the work. i am adaptable, everything from the center of attention to support staff with ease. smiling through blood in my mouth&talking to basically anyone for minutes to hours is child's play-- literally, since that is when i learned it.
x. pride over the skills i've developed over a lifetime of nonsense. made possible by mania, perhaps.
o. shame over the skills i've developed over a lifetime of nonsense. put off by disassociation, definitely.
x. i am kind and small and smiling and invisible. please just leave me alone. please don't even look at me, i literally cannot bear it, i just want to be alone again, please do not hurt me, i will do anything to make you happy if you just promise not to hurt me.
o. i am vicious and bloody and loud, and i will make you look at me, i will make you see me. i will give you a reason for that sneer, &i have no problem giving and taking blood in the process. my blood is worth so much less that i will win this no matter what-- i am braver than you could ever be because i have nothing that i'm afraid i'll lose.
x: i just want to make people smile.
o: i just want to never see another living person ever again.
x: like me, like me, like me. please just like me. i just want to be safe from abject hatred. i just want to be likeable. i can be anything, anyone-- it isn't like i want to keep all my parts, anyway, just tell me what i need to toss to be normal. just tell me what to chop off to be loveable.
o: i will give you every reason to fucking hate me if that is what's going to happen, anyway. i have spent a lifetime becoming who i am, usually against my will-- i can finally look in the mirror without flinching, &i won't let anyone take that away from me. you'll pry my forced self-acceptance out of my cold, dead hands.
x: i have been so lucky. i have been so fucking lucky. every single day i am reminded of all the many ways it could have been worse, things could have been worse, life could have been worse. i am so lucky. i owe the red string everything for letting me finally be someone i like sometimes.
o: i might have been lucky, but somehow i doubt anyone treating my gratitude or happiness like a red flag would be capable of living a day in my life-- or any singular one of the days i've lived thus far. but i can definitely give them a taste if that's what they need to wipe the snide looks off their faces. i'll hate myself after for giving in to the temptation, though. i always do.
x: there's good in everything. if you look for it, there will always be good somewhere. you just need to look. happiness is a conscious decision. kindness is a conscious decision. being a decent person is a perpetual and conscious decision.
o: there's bad in everything, too, and the second i see it, i cannot unsee it. or forgive it, usually. why is it so much easier to see how much people fucking suck?
x: i want perfection. practice, constant effort, dedication-- i need perfection, i'll get perfection. if i can't, what's the point? if there's not even the possibility, what is the fucking point? how am i supposed to live if i know my lifelong goal is&always has been unattainable?
o. perfection isn't an objective possibility. how many times&different ways do i need to fail at the impossible reality before it actually settles in. it isn't possible. i'm dedicating my life to an impossible pursuit. more specifically, i'm committing myself to eternal&constant punishment for failure. why, though. why am i like this.
x. i hate myself so much sometimes i feel like i might actually lose my mind.
o. i am so full of pride sometimes i feel like i might burst at the fucking seams with it all.
x. i am terrified that i'm not capable of living unless it's fighting uphill. who am i without the struggle? who am i past the trauma?
o. if fighting uphill is what made me what i am, what does it matter if i never lose the edge? why should it matter if i need the extra motivation? if i can handle it, why should the struggle be a bad thing?
#so my bipolar diagnosis has been a central theme in my life for the past couple months right.#&i have a really. specific. relationship w my diagnosis lmao. bc its not like i can pretend im not certifiable lmao#but like also this diagnosis up until i literally lost parts of my sanity over turbo had only ever been used for several types#of negligence lmao.#&bc its been a Conversation lately ive been having to reflect on how i feel about it more than i have in. years probably lmao.#&like my thing is i have trouble telling the difference between being an unstable person vs being a complex person.#idk. something something what is the self without the Other? something something tree falls in the woods&no one hears it ect ect.#something something what makes anything real in regards to things so abstract&subjective?#bc until someone actually has the balls to slice me open&test my brain chemistry to put me out of my misery its all just a debate lmao.#idk lots of polarizing thoughts lately maybe.#... as always i dont really have a trigger warning specific for anything but it feels relevant anyway.#........... my doc is gonna have a field day. i dont want new meds but i have a feeling an adjustment is coming soon. 🫠🫠🫠#on the plus side tho! i have successfully kept my weight up past 105lbs for a solid week. so. solid win in all my other med departments.#(... i just remembered i had a bf once who used to HATE reading all my ramblings lmao he said i talked way too much&it showed.#i'm so fucking happy we broke up before that could actually sink in enough to ruin my big fucking mouth LMAO)#(edit: my doc had a field day lmao.)
6 notes · View notes
oscill4te · 11 months
Text
i wish it was more acceptable to admit you're not knowledgeable on a lot of things. im not self depreciating by telling someone the truth that im kinda slow on picking up on things and that I am not very Learned about most things (if it comes up in a conversation) its legit just the truth
3 notes · View notes
bunnyb34r · 1 year
Text
Bleugh gotta go shower before I can lay down to nap but dont have the energy/motivation to get up and do that
1 note · View note
wazzuppy · 2 years
Text
asking for death rn
1 note · View note
thatdemiboymess · 3 months
Text
Turning up the music to max volume and laying facedown on the bed because the mental health has hit rock bottom like DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT--
Thoughts of self harm and maybe suicidal ideation in the vent in the tags. Sorry.
#irl#vent#self harm mention#self harm#i am not having a good time today at all chat#my brain is giving me the itchy little localized signals in my wrists that are connected to the Bad Thoughts and Horrible Coping Mechanisms#and like honestly i feel like i should be fine but im not#shit sucks#almost started crying because i realized i forgot to grab some new exfoliating gloves while i was at the store#gonna be eating nothing but ramen and potatoes this month#im lonely and life feels like a really shitty time loop and im probably never gonna be able to get my cats and bring them here#because i need to somehow manage to save up $500 just for oet deposit and pet rent#when everything is month to month to month#i dont have any friends and i dont talk to my family and i sincerely feel like i could die and the only person that would know would be#my partner and even then thats because we live together#and when i do finally die its not like anyone will have known me#people that i should or used to be close with will find out eventually and theyll all call me by a name that isnt mine#using pronouns and words and descriptors that misrepresent me as a person#ect ect ECT#whatever#like whats even the point honestly????#i dont know what im doing here i just feel like a huge burden to everyone around me#dssi is barely enough for groceries but its not like i can get a job near me being legally blind#im just a big ol burdensome money sink lolol#just an overly needy little waste of space#i dunno#i dont know shit anymore#im so fucking tired all the time man#im just#so tired
0 notes
achilleslyre · 1 year
Text
i think the fact that if i could have afforded uni i would be getting a classics degree and studying languages rn will forever haunt me…….. i actively mourn what could be so fucking bad.
1 note · View note
jadeneppy · 2 years
Text
Hmmmm
#i really miss playin sky but im so behind and beleeeeh#I MISS DAU AND LERA SMMMM#idk what the new season is and i dont wanna spend money for the cosmetics even tho i REAAAALYY want em#grinding for 20 candles took 3 hours for me last time and i just dont have that free time anymore :(#xzzt#i miss playin with all my sky friends i also dont even wanna THINK about goin through eden with the new mechanic#LIKE YOU CANT EVEN HONK TO REVIVE OTHERS???#but anyway its in vent tag so might as well vent a bit#still kinda lonely and i wanna cuddle some 1 :(((#all i can think about is cuddling and kissing and i wanna be with someone who can make me feel warm n fuzzy again#i miss being in love so much#maybe it was infatuation but i really thought i did love them for 7 years it was the happiest time for me#all i would do was gush about how much i loved em and how i wantrd to grow old and live together and how we'd decorate the house#how many pets ect#but then shit eith w*ndy happened and my world crashed for the first time and bleh ough#i dont think we ever recovered from that like i honestly wanted to end myself after that and i finally went on anti dependents#tho they burned my throat so much and made me feel numb i took em everyday and acted like they helped but they really didn't#hm hm this should really go on my vent blog if it gets any deeper so#hm ig i just wanna be loved and held and cherished like when i was over there#us crying the day before i had to leave will always be in my memories#i was so fuckin sad when i had to leave but i didnt wanna wake em up cuz i knew theyd cry again and id cry too so i just kissed their cheek#but yeah i think that was the last time i saw em irl#:neppyflop: god those were good times tho#bleh i think i should sleep before i trigger myself
0 notes
zlsR 3 ,,, this has 39 screenshots... oops ‘ ‘ 
Tumblr media
Mytube... wwww the shows given a ton of parodies of real life AND included actual stuff from real life(providing its from/in Saga <- real place) Notable; the ad is for the patch thingies they had in s1ep4 :D 
Tumblr media
*gives Like * 
Tumblr media
nice continuity <3 
Tumblr media
it’s hard to see but Tae was chasing after a fly ... ww i love how they pretty much ignore her antics most of the time 😂 its impressive w
Tumblr media
so no pressure amirite wwwwww 
Tumblr media
Yuugirin kawaii... ;; 
Tumblr media
Tae; aggressively/playfully hitting at the previously mentioned fly* (btw, Lily is actually the one speaking here... cr/subs PLS include her third-person TTT)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
i gotta say i rly rly dont like Kotaro by this point 😂 he yells at them, he hurts them, he squirts them with a fucking water-gun! ALL OF THEM TT I JUST???? Tae wwwwww 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Kotaro; *yelling in all their faces*  Tae; *in the bg, fountaining(?) the water*  me; praying PLS just spit it in Kotaros face or smt lkgask someone shoot HIM with a fucking watergun and see how hE likes it!
its funny how much he swore in this scene tho ngl www 
Tumblr media
YEAH!! 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
note; poster in the bg and Iron Frill’s song name wwww 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
minor, ooc spoiler... tho this did air a good year ago so... might be ok?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Junko-chan board; Mu~n! (if anyone gets this reference, ilysm btw <3 TT)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Junko; *types “impact” into go*gle search, results ...^^^^ not what she expected* 😂 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
ooc spoiler maybe but their faces here so damn cute TTT its a good scene<3 theyre zombies but so ~kira kira~ w
Tumblr media
cr/subs SRSLY missed a good, meaningful pun here! the other girl said “I guess that means you finally awakened(to your senses) huh” - awakened! as in!! 😂 Pls... 
Tumblr media
doki-doki... this isnt even a spoiler tbh... Ai-chan WAS in Iron Frill, now shes in Franchouchou and wont ever leave <3 im lowkey surprised??? she didnt flat out say “lol no” at the time but,,, welp,,, poor Ai-chan ;; the past keeps coming back for these girls... feel free to up the angst tbh :> make it feelsy ...! theyre ZOMBIES! they all had lives which they def remember and would probs haunt? them ;;v;; tho theyre trying to forget and move on ig.... fighting~!
Tumblr media
GOD.... EXISTS !! TTTT THEIR SMILES SO BRIGHT! LIKE MULTIPLE SUNS TTTTT i want more!! pls pls give me/us more!! TTTT just one(1) image isnt enough TTTTTTT THEIR CASUAL CLOTHES THEIR BRIGHT COLOURS THEIR SMILES HOW ALL OF THEM JUST ^v^ SMILING!! THEIR DIFFERENT MOUTH SHAPES EYEBROWS ALSO ITS UNIQUE AND LOVELY <3 --- i want to continue but you get the gist <3 
1 note · View note
cyb3rspyd3r · 10 months
Text
E! 42 MILES HEADCANONS ☆.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary: e!42 miles relationship headcanons , whats its like being in a relationship with him.. , slightly suggestive !
! implied black fem reader
a/n: these are from my dr , so they're probably not accurate to how he actually is but you can leave if you dont like it .. anyways enjoy !.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hates seeing you all happy happy with boys other than the ones he trusts , he WILL come kiss you , hug you , ect
nigga is hella protective of you , watch someone get flamed for speaking bad about you 💀
his mom teased him for weeks about how he liked getting his hair done by you more than he liked getting it done by her
"mm , someone's in love huh? you normally only let me do your hair mijo." "mami she's my girlfriend chill"
he lovess seeing you in his clothes like he ill take pictures of you/with you with it on and giggle at it for hours .. days .. weeks ..
he know how to do braids , including box braids .. where my black readers at? he DEFINITELY sometimes does ur hair for u
"babyy , you got $180 for my hair?" "goddamn $180? go sit down ma i'll go buy the hair rq we not doin ts"
he is REAL serious about your attitude , this man Will grab you by your neck and tell you what place you're in ..
he only accepts your attitude when you're on your period , but he'll make sure you tone in down by sayin "ight mami chill .. i get it u on ya cycle and shit but chill"
KISSESS KISSESS AND MORE KISSESS .. this nigga LIVES for kisses. always kissin you in public or not and does NOT care
loves neck kisses , he started doing them to u when you're busy and he wants attention so when he saw you doing it to him it made him giggle
yall are the GOOFIEST AND FUNNIEST couple ever , wholee buncha play fights and laughing and shit
you can't take him seriously for shit , yall end up crackin up in the middle of an argument
"yo im sick of this shit bruh unadd him this his 3rd time textin u" ".. shess minee you stay away from her its not her timee ! head ass" "yo gtfo 😭"
he let you do his edges one day because you thought it was funny and begged him to , when he found out you tried to take a picture he stayed in his room until you agreed not to (you secretly still have one)
ARCADE DATES ARE A MUST (saying this cs i love them..) he always teases you before the two of you get there on how he's gonna beat u in every game
his hugs are the best , u could be breaking down and one hug from him is gonna make u feel all rainbows and sunshine ..
nigga is ALWAYS spoiling you.. you want it? mention that you want it around him? you gon get it within the next week/few days ..
ur house is his house .. his house is your house .. yall always at each other house..
"lets go home now im tired .." "which one?"
any insecurities? he gon kiss em
your #1 supporter no matter what you do or how wrong you are
whenever yall play roblox and someone stands on your head he WILL shoot them if its a game where he can kill people
he actually gets jealous so easily
HES ACTUALLY RLLY CLINGY
i had fun making these .. ill make more some other time
taglist: @marci-jean @gw3ndyswonderland @hiimayee @nokkihy @spiderheartzz @all444miles @444morales
1K notes · View notes
wulfhalls · 4 months
Text
thoughts (incoherent. disjointed. deranged) part two: paul talking to alia even pre awareness <3333. him checking in with alia 4883 times <3333333 also tender motherson moments pre spice agony my most beloveds <3333 solar eclipse at the beginning as metaphor and motif for pauls descent into godhood. everything feeling so elemental. the sense of doom over everything!!!! this is a horror film!!!!! jessica post spice agony as a hollow vessel for the unending and vast other memory. her being fully aware of the jihad and still dragging paul down that path!!! every single thing immediately pre and then post pauls agony. this is 100% exactly the film I've been dreaming about for like 7 years. it's EVERYTHING. paul begging screaming crying for someone to understand to help him before he took that last step trying so hard to not bring it into being but there never having been a choice either way. this was only ever gonna end like this. the way u can see the weight of the world growing heavier on atlas' weary shoulders by the second. the decision to go south. the let it happen. to submit. to do what must be done. him being so far from himself already just before the agony the way u can see it in his eyes. timtom performance of all time I'm so serious. every single shot of him walking desolate alone burdened by that terrible purpose should hang in the louvre. the palpable shift post agony. kill the boy and let the man be born ect ect but they ripped apart my boy with their bare hands and he helped shovelling his own grave. its so delicious I feel delirious. THE MUSIC!?!?!?!??! hans zimmer really put his whole zimussy into this and then some. the sheer grandeur and monumentalness it gives every single scene. duke of arrakis speech genuinely the single most exciting thing I've ever seen on the big screen. I feel like im incapable of putting into words just how good it was. that's my false messiah preaching to the adoring masses he never wanted. the CUNTTTT of that last exchange with the emperor I love u soooo much my manic martyred messianic madman u are the moment <3333 in conclusion paul atreides character of all time
443 notes · View notes
reemieme · 11 months
Text
SUCCESS STORY! (w photo proof)
story:
ive been in the LOASS community for around a month now, so ive been wanting a vinyl record player for like a few months and last week i was looking through amazon like “oh these are so expensive..” and then i was like im literally a master manifestor why dont i manifest it??? like i completely forgot ab the law 😭😭
anyway so that week i was just affirming to myself a few times a day like “oh yea i have a vinyl record player now!!”, i did SATS bc its fun, i talked to myself pretending i was talking to my friends bragging about my vinyl player, i searched online for new vinyl records to buy to play, and just STAYED IN THE STATE of having my record player. i didnt affirm 10k times, just everytime i thought of it to REMIND MYSELF i have it.
i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT waver. i did NOT get nervous about not seeing it in the 3d, bc i reminded myself i already have it so its fine. the law NEVER fails. so theres no room for failure. i lived in my imagination ion playing songs on my vinyl record player, (bc i LOVE visualization, if you love affirming then affirm for it instead!!) everytime i was like “i cant wait for my vinyl player” or “is it gonna be here?” or “hows it gonna come?” ECT i IMMEDIATELY flipped those thoughts with WHAT? i already have my record player wdym
tldr, i convinced my subconscious that i HAVE a vinyl record player, and since i lived in the 4d (imagination) where i have it, it reflected in the 3d bc thats the LAW. anyway, i wake up and theres a package at the door addressed to my name and i was so confused bc i dont order things. my parents had no idea where it was from and when i opened it, IT WAS A RECORD PLAYER RAHHH!!!
i literally SCREAMED yall i was like NO WAY. but i was also rlly confused so i looked at the address it came from and it was my aunt who lives a state away. (but we r REALLY CLOSE) so i called her and she was like “surprise!!! i know you love music so i decided to buy one for you because it was on sale.” and i was like OH ,Y GOD!! keep in mind she had NO CLUE i wanted a record player bc it never came up, and she NEEVR buys me gifts unless its my birthday or smthn which is in like 2 months. CIRCUMSTANCES DONT MATTER!
anyway here it is!!
i put a piece of paper w my @ next to it bc alot of bloggers r being called out for lying, and i dont want people to lose trust.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(the second pic is on my floor, first on my bed.)
if u guys have any questions feel free 2 ask!! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH TO @coquetteprincesss @nakedbibi333 @fleurlx @miracledarling @aphrodieties @blushydior @cinefairy @gorgeouslypink @heliosoll @hhtpsjup1ter @oonasempire @piercedblunt @remcycl333 @voidprincessblog YOU GUYS ALWAYS HELP ME SO MUCH!!! i love all ur blogs tysm for ur help w the law ❤️
1K notes · View notes
evilcowgirl · 9 months
Text
jealous ellie headcanons
ft. sapphic longing
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
i get my inspo from sintuationships bc im real
୨♡୧
ellie doesn't like not being around you at social events, or with you out of her sight. it stresses her out so much that she can't even properly enjoy herself without you close to her. can barely pay attention if someone's speaking to her because shes busy trying to watch you in the crowd.
convinces herself that everyone wants you. you often have to assure her that your friends and other people you interact with casually aren't secretly pinning over you or waiting on the opportunity to make a move. she never believes you, always stuck on the idea that you're too good to not have a billion more options.
ALWAYS thinks someone is flirting with you, and get pouty about it. when she's feeling bold enough she'll say something direct.
"i mean you didn't see the way she was looking at you from my perspective, you guys were basically at 3rd base."
ellie knows that you're only her friend, that you don't owe her loyalty, but anytime you bring up time you've spent with someone else she goes all quiet and short with you, not because she's mad at you, but because she gets an unexplainable feeling in her stomach like she's gonna drop dead when she thinks of you enjoying the company of anyone else but her.
cannot go an hour without bringing you up to other people (barely exaggerating.) her mind wanders to you so often she hardly even notices it. at the sight of a trinket you'd like, or a color she knows you love. whenever she hears someone say something that reminds her of you, she's quick to to point that out. you stay on her mind always.
can't handle being away from you too long, she gets antsy and starts asking around about your whereabouts. especially when she's missing you, all hell breaks loose. when she finds out that you were only getting lunch or something simple like that she feels embarrassed at how desperate she was to find you. (she'll definitely do it again tmr.)
likes to see you sitting in her room, around all her stuff doing whatever. painting your nails, reading, listening to music ect. just getting to see you in her personal space makes her happy. knowing that you're safe and with her.
will start an argument if she doesn't know where you've been. arguing with ellie is always slightly maddening because shes so nonchalant when she's being ridiculous that it makes you question yourself.
she's so sweet and nervous when she apologizes though, going over what shes going to say over and over in her room and still messing up.
"i'm just—fuck this is stupid—i shouldn't have said what i said to you. . . about the thing earlier?" she'll look away like a scolded puppy waiting on you to say something. "i'm sorry."
if you accept her apology, you can visibly see the fear leave her body. the worst thing that could happen to her is losing you and anytime she thinks that might happen her whole world gets turned upside down until she knows you're okay with her.
she doesn't see you as her property, just something really special that she wants to keep safe and close.
likes to keep a hand on you when you're walking with her. on your waist, a hand around your wrist or tugging at your clothes when she needs you to follow. she doesn't care if people notice, she'd prefer them to see actually.
writes the little things she notices about you down like she's studying you or something. the way you look at her when you're listening intently, how you act when you're sleepy. things she knows no one else would take note of. she jots down her thoughts about you when they're overwhelming because it helps, talking about it isn't an option she doesn't want to share you with anyone.
"she's so pretty when she's doing her hair, like a fucking angel on earth. she's driving me INSANE. i feel like i'm going to mess this up somehow."
gets jealous when you're babying dogs in front of her and will admit it !
"you never pay that much attention to me." when you totally do.
huge complainer, she's so bold about it too ! if you're spending any extra time with someone she'll get all dramatic about it and ask when you guys' wedding is and if she can be the maid of honor because shes petty.
can and will make things a competition if that means she'll get the chance to show off to you. some guy your age is impressive at target practice? she'll make an effort to double what he did just to say she can.
"i guess I've just had more experience." meanwhile she knew exactly what she was doing.
getting praise from you is like her main goal, anytime you let her know you're proud of her she feels like the most capable person on earth. on the other side of that is her absolutely debilitating jealousy when it comes to hearing you brag on other people. ellie doesn't pride herself on being nice but she gets pretty mean when she feels like you're giving attention she should be getting to others. you mention how well jesse did on his patrol and all of the sudden she's going on about how she's killed more infected as a kid than jesse could even imagine seeing.
oppositely, shes so sweet to you when you're feeling down, always making sure you know no one's allowed to mess with you (other than her) and if someone had she'd set things straight.
when you're feeling bad, or you're sick she likes to watch you sleep because you look peaceful and its ideal for her to see her girl safe nd happy.
strokes your hands and face while you're asleep, careful not to wake you. she's so infatuated and isn't quite sure how to handle it yet but for now she's able to roll with just being your person.
906 notes · View notes
gogomatthew · 7 months
Note
Request: (Smut)
Hotch gives Spencer the lead on a new case. And when Y/N doesn’t do what Spencer said to do- well let’s say when they get home she gets punished.
Just you wait
SPENCER REID X FEM!READER
summary: being from a different department and working with your fiancé was always great except but things change when you don’t seem to obey his orders
warnings: choking • punishment • spanking • sub!dom dynamics • cursing • arguing • bj • PV •
a/n: english isn’t my first language so I apologize for any gramatical errors! I don’t really see Spencer as a dom tbh so this was a little difficult for me to write sorry if its not exactly what you wanted honestly it was rushed :/
MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI!! 18+ SMUT AHEAD
“I dont feel great about this just so you know” Emily says as you both enter the DCPD. “You think I do? but we can’t prioritize feelings over case right now” Emily sighs as you squeeze the orange envelope filled with new pictures of the crime scene between your fingers subconsciously releasing your stress onto it with a deep breath.
You see a lanky figure make his way towards both of you with a glare of disbelief plastered on his face. “You went behind my back?” though his tone is angry theres hurt laced between his words. “Im sorry but we found new evidence that-” he cuts you off “I dont care right now! Im leading this case and I told everyone to stay away from the scene until further notice. You cant just ignore my authority!” his eyes switch back and forth between you and Emily
“I work for a different department” Emily just sighs and throws her hands up in surrender as she walk away past Spencer after realizing the conflict just got a little personal. Spencer runs his hands down his face in defeated frustration causing his words to come out slightly muffled “Am I joke to you? seriously am I? I know you work for a different department but you never seem to have a problem obeying Hotch..” his hands fall back to his sides as he grabs the envelope from you and storms off leaving you there with your thoughts.
For some cases your department sent you out as the traveling detective to help out the BAU and you never had a problem working along side your fiancé I mean this job is what brought you both together but having him as your acting boss was slightly different. Its not that you didn’t respect his authority you just didn’t understand his judgment at this moment. He knew how your job functioned and always did his best to help you with whatever you needed but right now he was stopping you from doing your job and you were worried about him but there were victims at risk.
Hypothetically he would’ve been fine if..
If Hotch wasn’t hovering
If the geographical range wasnt so large
If the building wasnt so loud
If the PD didn’t see him as joke
if it wasn’t dangerous for his agents to leave the building alone
ect,, there were too many thoughts taking over and none of them were good.
Thankfully the evidence you and Emily found was crucial to the investigation and even though he was still under immense stress you felt as if at least you took a little weight off Spencers shoulders although that didint mean he was pleased with your actions. He avoided you throughout the day even after the unsub was caught not even breaking the silence on the car ride home. Before you can even finish parking Spencer is stepping out of the car and entering your shared apartment before you.
You make your way inside not too long after him with tears of pent up frustration brimming your eyes and threatening to fall only for those thoughts to be forgotten as your head gently hits the wall. Spencer has you pinned by his large hand lightly squeezing your neck the way he knows you love as his other hand holds both of your wrists between his fingers. “what was that today? first you ignore my authority..” a squeeze to your neck as his raspy voice lingers closer to your slightly open mouth “and then you humiliate me?” another squeeze and the tears fall alongside a whimper “why’re you crying baby? you know I just wanna keep you safe and thats why I couldn’t let you go to the scene” his tone is genuine care mixed with condensation as he looks you up and down hungrily “but you just had to ignore me and im gonna have to make you learn your lesson” his grip on your throat loosens as his hand gently strokes your face wiping away your tears “m- sorry” you choke out as he ghosts his lips over yours, his hot breath makes your thighs clench.
“I know you are but its too late now” his grip on you loosens and he pushes you down harshly to your knees as he undoes his belt without a word. As he frees his cock from his boxers he gives it 2 slow strokes “open” he simply says and you obey, taking him into your mouth eagerly. What you cant fit into your mouth you pump with you hand causing his breath to hitch at the stimulation. Spencer strokes his finger through your hair before fisting it and thrusting his hips into your mouth. He’s vocal and hes not shy about it, his moans come out strained and loud as you feel his dick twitch on your tongue getting ready to have your throat welcome in his load despite your gagging until he pushes you away “d-dont wanna cum yet.. gonna make you beg for it first” he says out of breath as he lifts you off the ground and into the bedroom.
“take it off.. I want a show” with a gulp you start unbuttoning your blouse slowly trying not to seem to desperate and take your pants off as he eyes you lustfuly. You are completely nude to him as his shirt and boxers remain “come here” you walk over to him cautiously and he sits you down on his thigh resting his hands on your hips slowly rocking you back and forth causing a moan to drop from your parted lips. “mm” you start rocking yourself faster as he removes his touch from you depriving you “please” he fake pouts “please what? I need to hear it” a desperate cry leaves your mouth knowing you wont be able to cum just from his thigh “I need you” he chuckles “need what? my fingers?” his hand cups your dripping cunt teasing your entrance with his fingers “n-no your-” a whimper leaves your throat “your cock”
one last look at you and he’s flipping you over so hes caging your body under his own. He grabs his dick in his hand and pushes it into your entrance without warning or giving you time to adjust. His hand finds its way back to your throat making your sounds of pain and pleasure sound strained. His thrusts dont have a rhythm theyre just ruthless and fast. “hah- ah you crying? im just correcting your behavior” his cock brushes your g spot so good it makes you forget how to talk “you know that right baby?” now this is condescending but you cant find it in you to care right now, the pleasure taking over “say it.. say you deserve this” his hold on your throat releasing so he can hold onto the bed frame to go deeper against your sensitive spot “ahh say it” with a yelp you manage to push the words out “I-I deserve t-this” his thrust dont let up it just fuels him on even more “wasnt gonna let you c-cum tonight but I think id rather fuck you stupid ah- what’d you think about that?” he knows you’re already seconds away from your orgasm as your eyes start rolling to the back of your head and you cant provide any actual words. His free hand makes its way down to your clit desperate to make you his own little fuck toy. Your legs start shaking erratically and without a warning you cum all over spencers aching cock with him hot on your heels. You pant but before you have time to catch your breath you’re roughly flipped over onto your stomach as a rough slap lands on your ass
“im not done with you yet”
509 notes · View notes