#and im kind of out of touch with how my emotions sit in my body

[princesssarcastia]

.

[luvyeni]

p. yanderebf!jay x fem bodied reader | warnings: mafia? it's not flat out said, mentions of sex, blood, jay is crazy | words: 0.7k ~ (738) 🦅ㆍ₊⊹

request: can i req a dark romance involving established rs w jay and reader wherein he took "i would kill for you" seriously and too far 👀

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

“baby I love you so much, you don’t understand id do anything for you— fuck I’d kill someone for you.”

Hearing your boyfriend say that; you didn’t think anything of it, jay always said this, and you chalked it up as your boyfriend proving how much he loved you after sex; being a little dramatic due to adrenaline— but you were so unaware of how dangerous your boyfriend actually was, and that he was serious.

“sit him up there.” Jay ordered his jake and heeseung to sit the tied up man; who’s face had already taken a brutal beating in the wooden chair. “wh-who are you?” the man struggled against the weight of jays friends. “now that doesn’t matter does it seeing as you wont be around long enough to tell anyone.”

“jay?” he looked up, your eyes looking around the room. “oh hi princess come.” He beckoned you over to him. “come see baby.” Your eyes went wide upon seeing the bloody man in the seat, his eyes black and blue; unable to even see the white’s of his eyes. “ja-jay who is this, what did you do?”

“oh you don’t remember him, he’s the guy who hit on you at the bar last weekend, you know the fucking creep who kept touching your ass.” He said, you didn’t even tell him that, so how did he know. “how’d you find that out.”

“pretty girl, you think i allow you to leave the house in a dress that small without someone watching you, what kind of boyfriend would I be?” he said almost offended you’d think something like that. “heeseung saw everything, how come you didn’t tell me?”

“i-it didn’t occur to me, it actually slipped my mind.” You tried not to make eye contact with the man, the smell of his blood burning your nostrils. “you did this to him?” your boyfriend showed no emotions. “that?” he pointed to his face. “oh no, jake did.” He said. “did a real number on him.”

“y-you didn’t have to do this, it was no big deal.” You said, jays eyes turned dark. “are you defending him?” he said. “no-no of course not.” He smiled softly. “don’t be scared baby, im not gonna hurt you of course.” He picked up the bat that was already sitting here. “just trying to protect you that’s all.”

“that’s why to avoid all this blood shed I’ll be joining you on your outings, I never felt comfortable letting you out alone anyway.” He said. “too many creeps out there and I may not be able to kill them all.” Kill? “jay how many people have you done this too?”

“how many creeps have hit on since we’ve been dating.” He chuckled darkly. “I stopped counting.” He said, you didn’t know what to do, you loved jay; but him killing people on your behalf wasn’t something you wanted. “yo-you don’t have to kill him, he’s already beat up enough, im sure he leaned his lesson.”

Held the bat im his hand, his other hand coming up to caress your face. “that’s why you don’t make the rules I do.” Before you could say anything else, he gripped your cheeks, your lips forming a pout. “this is where you stop talking princess, understand?” you nodded, he pulled away. “good girl, when im done with this fucker , I’ll take you to a nice dinner okay.”

You didn’t say anything else, watch your boyfriend and his friends raise their bats, the man barely getting a plea out before the bats came down— his screams making you jump, covering your ears to mask the sound of his bones cracking as the bats came up and down, his blood splattering everywhere.

Jay dropped the bat, catching his breath, his face and body covered in blood. “fuck this suit was expensive.” He cursed. “princess.” He turned to you. “lets go.” He held is bloody hand out. “I got us reservations at your favorite place.” He squeezed your hand, pulling you next to him.

“wh-what about him?” jay sighed, he didn’t want to deal with this much longer. “jake, heeseung; deal with him.” He said. “me and you are gonna go take a shower together.” He said, his eyes full of hunger, even after all that he was horny. “gonna go fuck my girl and then take her to dinner.”

“you love me baby right?” He kissed your wet skin, the water running down your bodies, the water red as it went down the drain. “you won’t have ever leave me right?” he squeezed your waist, you whined. “ye-yes.”

“good princess, and now you know I would really kill anyone for you to show you.”

©️LUVYENI

[greenunoreversecard]

Don't hide your pain

-> Angel dust x reader

A/N: I made this of my own violation. I needed to therapize myself

Reader POV, ftm male, who's ✨️traumatized✨️

It always starts like this.

Things go well for a while. Things go great, even.

And then it gets bad. And it stays bad, and i ruin every close relationship and im alone.

And then it repeats.

I just wish I could be better. I guess that's why I'm at the hotel.

Things have been good for a while, so good, infact I though the cycle could be over.

Angel brought so much light to my life. He made me feel so happy, and wanted and needed.

And I was so much better. But it seems like the happier I was the worse i fall.

I sigh, rolling over in my bed, grabbing my phone. Fuck it's late in the day. Charlie will be upset, but i cant seem to care. I just- I don't wanna leave my bed.

I look away from my lockscreen, a blurry picture of angel in my Hoodie chasing after nuggets, who has his phone in his mouth, trying to run away with it. It caught angel off guard, and i was laughing so hard i couldnt get a steady photo.

Its one of my favorite memories. I feel a small smile tug at my lips, but my body and my face feel like led that I can barely move.

Theres a knock at my door.

"Hey, baby. Are you ok? Haven't seen you in a day, and I wanted to make sure ya alright.." I hear his quiet voice as the door squeaking lightly as Angle peeks in, silhouette gently illuminated from the light in the hallway.

I grumble in reply and roll over. He sighs, and for a moment I think he leaves but i feel him sit on my bed, next to me. I can feel his warmth. Despite having the features of a cold-blooded spider, he's always run rather hot.

He rests his hand on my back.

"Baby, I can't help you if you dont talk ta me"

Irritation rises in me.

"Don't. I dont need you. I dont need your fucking pity. Just fuck off, please." I say, voice rough and shoulders tense.

His determination doesn't deter, though.

"I don't pity you, love. I just wanna help."

I know my irritation is irrational, logically. But I can't help being angry. Angry I am this way, angry I'm so helpless. And I'm ahry he has to see me like this, considering he has it so much worse. He deserves better than this. Better than me. But I can't seem to stop the slow of my defensive anger, vomiting out words I'm uncertain seraid him I know they do me coming out my mouth.

"Don't pretend, angie."

"I'm serious, though. I want to help."

"Don't play with me. I don't need you, and I don't need your pity."

"Why are you doing this?"

This freezes me. I tense. I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I'm hurting him. I don't know why I'm hurting myself by hurting the only person thats treated me like a fucking sentient being..

I realise, at this point, he's as rigid as a brick, and I look over at him. He tears in the corners of his eyes, eyes slighrly red from the effort it takes to stop his tears. His hair is a mess, and he's shaking, God's he's shaking.

"I- please, sugar. I just wanna help you but- but I can't if you push us away. I you push me away. I- I don't wanna lose you. I can't fucking lose you. And I can feel you sliping and its- it's scary. Please, if not for you then for me."

At this, a sob wracks its way through my body, every viceral emotion I've held back hitting me like a dam destroyed. Apologies spewing through my lips like it's a lifeline. And in a way, it is. Because, I know hes right. And I know if I continue on the way I do, I'll be destroyed at my own hands. And I'll lose him, I'll lose my lifeline.

...

..

.

I don't know how long I cry for. It's all kind of blurry, really. I know i tell him everything ive hid from him about my life through choked sobs, and at some point he's holding me to his chest, gently stroking my hair, touch gentle but deep, afraid to let me go as if I'll disappear, or break like glass.

The good never used to last for long, but maybe this time I can make it last forever.

So long as I have him.

--------------

End note: vv rushed lmfao. Anywhore, hopes this gives a small gauge as to my writing style. I can also try my hand at different possibilities.

Hope ye likey likey

[anemhoez]

The General…

Jiyan/AFAB Reader/Rover

WARNINGS: unprotected sex, language, slight breeding

A/N: *clawing at the walls* JIIIIYAAAAAAAN!! is it just me or did they make this mf TOO hot?! is that a thing?!?! everytime i see him i just *chokes self* i need a cold shower hehehe

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

With the upcoming battle against the Threnodian threat and the dangers that would arise, General Jiyan was more concerned than ever. You found him pacing in his makeshift office, a small room in an abandoned warehouse that he and his army moved into to have a place for medical staff and equipment. “General? You asked to see me?” you questioned softly once walking in, hoping not to disturb him in whatever he was doing. “Yes, thank you for coming Rover, please sit.” his voice was more gentle with you then when he spoke to his subordinates. “I want to reiterate just how dangerous the upcoming battle will be, the crownless is ruthless.” he spoke with concern heavy in his voice. Your face stayed stoic as you nodded, “I know general, but im one hundred percent committed to this fight, i won’t falter.”

Jiyan smiled at your resolve, “I’m honored to have a soldier like you by my side, thank you.” he said with a small sigh. He stretched his neck with a deep groan, bringing a hand to soothe the aching muscle. “Are you alright general?” you stood up quickly, moving over to observe him more closely. His amber eyes met yours, “Yes, i’m fine, just a bit stressed, nothing out of the ordinary.” he leaned against the dusty table he used to revise plans with the troops. You reached out, touching his forehead with the back of your hand to check his temperature. “You’re not very warm, do you want me to fetch some vitamin packets from the infirmary?” He shook his head, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “I’m fine really, please dont worry about me, there’s more pressing matters to attend to.” he reassured you with his never ending resolve. “Alright but, at least take some time to relax, even if just for a little bit,” you cocked your head to the side, observing his demeanor, “what do you normally do to de-stress?”

The general before you seemed to light up suddenly at your question. “Well, I like to spar with the new recruits, take long walks or,” he stopped when he noticed your proximity. You had moved closer to him, your heavenly scent hit him harder than it should have, and he inhaled deeply. He looked down at you, his intense stare causing your stomach to stir, “I also like to have sex when I’m stressed.”

If you hadnt already been in a trance by his stare, his words would have definitely done the trick. You gulped audibly, “Oh?! Of course you do- ah i mean to say that’s a good stress reliever- I’m not saying that you’re some kind of degenerate or anything!” Jiyan actually laughed hard at your words, the first time you’ve ever seen such emotion since being around him. Your face got hot, worried you had overstepped, “Forgive me general, it’s been a while for me so the topic is kind of, gods why am i so awkward?!” you asked yourself out loud, your body absentmindedly walking towards the door.

The general turned to sit at his desk, his large lap looking as inviting as ever. “It’s actually been a while for me too, I never have time for myself, let alone someone else.” his eyes followed you as he spoke, hoping he hadn’t made you uncomfortable in any way. But as soon as you closed the door and locked it, his need and desire began to grow. You mustered up all your courage and sighed, “General, I’m more than willing to help you,” your voice was soft as your hands came to remove your top. Without a word, Jiyan took you by the waist bringing you to sit on his lap.

Your lips collided in a frenzied kiss, his strong grip and dominance over you caused your head to spin. His gloved hand adorned with claws squeezed your breasts one after the other, while his other hand rested at your back. When you finally pulled away, he made quick work of your bra, pulling it down so he could suck and bite at your sensitive flesh. He was so rough with you, his eager and desperate hands gripped you tightly, sure to leave bruises in their wake. He pulled away from you briefly, only to place you on top of the desk.

“Forgive me, for being so rough with you,” his hands were softer now, more gentle as they rubbed up your exposed thighs. “Dont be, please use me however you like,” you pleaded and took one of his hands and brought it between your legs. He sighed at your warmth, taking his bottom lip between his teeth he growled, feeling your wetness through your underwear. “Fuck,” he cursed into your mouth, your tongues soon meeting in another passionate kiss that made you dizzy. Jiyan finally lifted up your skirt to your belly and pulled your underwear down, sitting back in his chair and making himself comfortable before leaning down to slot between your legs.

You arched your back sharply, feeling his tongue glide up from your entrance to your clit. He moaned deep, practically growling as he tasted you. You looked down at the sight of the general making a mess of you, greedily licking and slurping, driving you feral with his tongue. Your fingers grabbed at his hair, tugging and pulling him impossibly closer. “General,” you huffed, his long tongue fucking in and out of your sopping hole viciously. “Fuck!” you yelped, shaking in his grasp as you came hard, the lack of touch the past few months making you a whiny, trembling mess within seconds. He continued however, determined to get you to come as many times as he liked. He sucked on your clit, releasing you from his grasp only to remove his bracers and gloves. He inserted two fingers inside of you, keeping the brutal pace of his tongue against you while he curved and pumped his fingers in and out. You huffed and moaned, the overstimulation wracking your body again and again as the general teased your spot over snd over with his long thick fingers. “Please! Please just fuck me!” you begged as you tugged on his ponytail, needing the onslaught on your pussy to stop.

When he finally pulled away, his mouth was glistening with your essence and he licked his lips greedily, moving in for a kiss. “You’re incredible,” he whispered gruffly as he undid his pants quickly, shimmying himself out of his undergarments to finally stroke his cock. You watched the general, your leader in this battle against evil, line himself up with your entrance, and slowly push himself into you.

He hissed, your warmth and tightness overwhelming him. “Mmh, so perfectly tight,” he huffed into your ear before pulling out and thrusting back in harshly. Gods was he aggressive in the best way, brutally thrusting into your pussy as if he owned it already. His bruising grip tight on your thighs as he pushed them down, folding you in half for the best possible angle. “Rover, ahh,” he grunted, moving in close to suck and leave marks on your neck. You held onto him for dear life, clawing at his back, desperately trying to hold onto him. “H-harder please!” you whined into his ear, his pace quickened and his hips began slapping against you so hard, it echoed in the barely furnished room. Anyone outside would be able to hear the rough fucking that was happening right now but you didnt care. With the way Jiyans long cock nestled at you cervix everytime he thrust back in, a Threnodian army could bombard the encampment right now and you wouldn’t budge.

Your peak neared as he continued his thrusts, moaning and grunting everytime you clenched down, biting at your ear as you bared down so hard, he almost lost it. “Ah! I’m-“ your words caught in your thraot as you came, the blinding orgasm crashing into you like a truck. Jiyan’s hands came to wrap around your throat, gently squeezing as he leaned back to look down at you. Your fucked out expression, mouth hanging open with drool dripping down one corner of your mouth was all he needed to finally cum hard into you. He never lost eye contact with you, his mouth twisted into the most satisfied smile as he pumped his seed deep into you. You were certain you’d never in your life see someone as gorgeous as him in this moment. His eyes half lidded and dreamy, a cocky smirk on his face while sweat dripped from his brow, you had wished the two of you could fuck like this forever.

He helped you to sit up once he pulled out of you, leaving a trail of your mixed releases on the desk. His seed flowed out of you as you sat with your legs still spread, trying desperately to catch your breath. He chuckled and moved back to you, using his fingers to fuck his cum back into you. “I can’t think of anything more satisfying than you entering into battle full of my seed,” his fingers pumped into you over and over, causing you to claw at his chest, sure to leave trails of scratches on his beautifully defined body. “How much more of me can you take I wonder?” You moaned, another orgasm nearing as he dragged his fingers so deliciously inside of you. “As much as you want to give me general, “ you huffed out before spasming and clenching down on his fingers.

The two of you would fuck at least two more times before the battle, your cunt so full of him you started to feel it drip down between your legs as you fought. Once the fight was over, Jiyan tenderly picked you up, kissing and praising your prowess both in and out of battle, all the way back to HQ.

A/N: I’M-LISTEN JUST LEAVE ME ALONE 😭 id do anything for him and his cute blue pubes 🙏

[nmn-yty]

— ๋࣭ ⭑࿐ sweet tooth ｡o♡⋆˚｡⋆.

pairing: kim leehan x reader

summary: leehan teases you while you eat sweets＾＾

tags: 「SFW! fluff! uh... that's it | referring to members by real names e.g. donghyun, sanghyuk (it felt right) | kissing and cuddling from ur sweet crush leehan | reader has no gender! leehan loves everyone~」

word count: 1.4k

a/n: this is my first story on tumblr but im not new to writing stories online! (cough cough my abandoned wattpad cough cough) i decided to write this bc... i cant stop thinking abt leehan hjsjdkhw he's so dreamy... anyways,,, (also my first time writing in 3rd pov so... pls be kind><) i hope you enjoy!

+ stylized lowercase, missing punctuation (not done on purpose), and minimal to no revisions

"can i have a stick?"

there's no way he would actually play this game with you, right? he has his own food sat on the arm rest of the end of your couch. you sit on the opposite end, facing towards him with a pocky stick half eaten in your hand.

"look at how many snacks you have, no way, these are mine!" you say as you finish the stick.

he took your comment harshly, as he started to flash his puppy dog eyes at you accompanied with a pouty frown.

what kim donghyun didnt realize was moments like these are one of the many things you liked most about him. the way his face is perfect in every emotion. how you melt everytime he smiles and shuts his eyes from laughing. the way he constantly pushes up his big glasses because he's really overdue for an eye checkup. how his hair is always the perfect length and the way it bounces, even when he takes the smallest steps... and his perfect puffy lips that pout out when he doesn't get his way.

"can i just have one, please!"

you thought he could never annoy you, but you're reaching your limit. you stare at him and chomp down another stick in seconds.

"mmmh! this chocolate tastes so good."

you closed your eyes in delight, showing donghyun he's really missing out on the snack.

your eyes widened at his sudden movement. he uses his pointer and thumb to lift your chin up, "and what would you do if i took a stick from your mouth?"

you can feel a light wave of pink start to appear on your face. you look away from his gaze, anything to not look embarrassing in front of your crush.

"there's no way you would do that," you can feel the box of pocky shake in your hand as donghyun grabs a piece from the bag.

"how about from my mouth instead?" he says as he lets go of your chin and places the stick in his mouth. he gives a slight smirk as he wiggles the stick slightly in between his teeth, waiting for you to respond.

was he flirting with you? this whole scenario seemed like a dream, how could he be teasing you so much at this time? did he get intel from your other friends? sanghyuk and jaehyun do tend to be chatty so it wouldn't be a surprise if they accidentally slipped your secret to donghyun.

he stopped your spiraling thoughts when he inched closer to you on your end of the couch. you were touching knees at this point. he got so close that the chocolate end of the stick was right in front of your lips. moving back any further would result in you folding your legs up to your chest, pressed against the arm of the couch in an uncomfortable position.

your body moved before your mind did. you quickly took a small bite of the stick in order to create more distance between you and him. the stick split perfectly down the middle. you never craved and hated chocolate so much in your life before.

you finally locked eyes with him again, only to find him eating the rest of the stick, smiling at the way he could easily make you flustered. the boys definitely told him something, there's no way.

he reached into your box again to grab another stick, this time he pointed the uncoated side of the stick to your mouth.

"ahhh," he said, wanting you to open your mouth, "my turn!"

you gave in once again, holding the stick lightly between your teeth, making it easy to move around. donghyun moved in close to the chocolate end, about to take a bite, but you had other plans. you quickly moved the stick to the side, making him open his eyes wide, shocked at your playfulness. he moved fast to try and catch the stick, but he wasn't faster than the movement from your mouth. it started to get more and more funny seeing him try to catch the stick. you both started to giggle and smile at the fun game at hand. the fun ended though when he finally caught the stick, and he was even closer to your face than expected.

there was about 3 inches of space between you two left, and the distance made you freeze. you can feel yourself burning up again. what were his intentions with you? was he teasing you because he was bored? or did he actually receive some knowledge about you liking him and this is him reciprocating?

your mind went blank when you saw him continue. he inched closer and closer to you, nibbling the stick until he was right in your face. you couldn't take it anymore. there had to have been at most a centimeter left of the stick, because you leaned in to catch the end of the stick and you felt your lips crashing harshly into his. you gave him a small, but impactful peck, and moved away quickly to see his reaction. he cupped his hand over his mouth, way to make the first kiss one you'd never forget.

"so youre the one who got to steal the first kiss, huh? you didn't have to give me a bruise though.."

"you wanted to kiss me first?"

"wasn't it obvious?"

you rubbed your thumb on his bottom lip signaling that you were sorry. you looked into his eyes again, both of your minds seemingly thinking the same things.

he placed his hand on your cheek to move your face back to his, meeting his lips once again. this time it was more passionate and slow. you both took your time feeling each crevice of each other's mouth. it started to get a little sloppy, you both couldn't believe this was actually happening, so the kiss turned into a rush of passion being exchanged. it was almost like this was the last kiss you both were going to experience, so you had to make it count. you finally got to feel his soft lips on yours, playing with his tongue as he moved your body closer to his. he started to let out little vocal breaths along with the existing panting from the both of you. hearing how much he was enjoying himself drove you to insanity. was he really as shy and aloof as you thought he always was? or does he know exactly what he wants and he's very good at hiding this side of himself from you?

you were the first one to pull away, a small line of saliva connected your lips, and you quickly pecked him to become disconnected. you stared at him in disbelief, trying to regain a normal heartbeat but light pants still filled the air.

"come here," donghyun propped one of his arms on the top of the couch, motioning for you to move next to him so you two could cuddle.

"did we really just kiss each other again?" you wanted to hear more affirmations from his mouth instead of the fantasy in your mind.

"yes darling, we just kissed."

darling? that pet name made your heartbeat rise up again, causing you to bury your face into his chest.

he started to hum quietly and pet your head softly, you dont know how much of this you can take. it felt like at any moment you were going to melt into a puddle. you started to calm down after a while, moving your arms around him, to hold him tight and never let go of this moment.

you heard a strange ruffled noise coming from the side of you, his arm around you acting like a shield to prevent you from looking. you heard tiny chomps of a familiar stick coming from his mouth. you collected yourself and looked up at his face, only to see a half eaten pocky stick in his mouth. once he locked eyes with you, he quickly ate the stick whole to try and hide the evidence.

you smiled and started to tease him again, "i told you those are my snacks!"

you tried to grab the box from him, but he was familiar with the game you showed him not too long ago. he moved very fast, and catching the box from his hands felt impossible. you both started to giggle again, wishing this perfect moment could last forever.

© nmn-yty ★

[louloulemons-posts]

Tea and Toast

Eddie Munson X Reader

Summary : Eddie shows up at your house in the middle of the night.

Word Count : 1.1k

Warnings : Not proofread, another 2am fic, angsty, happy ending?, reader isn’t described with any pronouns or psychical features, Eddies dad, Eddie gets hurt, physical assault, talks of Eddies mom, sad Eddie, cuts and bruises, reader takes care of him.

A/N : This one is a heavy one, so please don’t read if you don’t feel comfortable 🤍

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

“Baby,” you hear, brain foggy with sleep. Whining in reply, you try to block out the noise. “Sweetheart,” you feel your body being shook.

You’re awake, rubbing your eyes, to wake up your mind. Looking around in the darkness you find Eddie. “Hey,” you say, voice thick with sleep.

Pushing up, you look at him, leaning over to your lamp. He stops your hand. “Eds?”

“Just leave it off.”

“What are you doing here, thought you weren’t coming over tonight?”

“I know, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come.” He stood from your bed, but you pulled him back gently.

“You know you’re welcome anytime,” you said softly. You pulled him closer to you, “But I know you, and I know you wouldn’t show up at,” you paused and looked at your clock, “2am, randomly without a reason.”

“I couldn’t stay there,”his voice broke.

“What?” you instantly become concerned.

“Im sorry I didn’t know where else to go. He showed up and Wayne’s at work and I-I couldn’t,” his breathing sped up.

“Hey, hey slow down it’s okay. You’re safe,” you pulled him into your arms. Rubbing his back and playing with his curls the way you know he loved. “It’s okay Sweet boy, I’ve got you.”

Slowly you felt him calm down. “My dad,” he began, you didn’t rush him, “I got back from dropping you home and he was at the entrance of the trailer park.

“Wanted to talk to me. To Wayne. Started yelling, saying we ruined his life, his reputation. I tried to get him to leave but he wouldn’t … a-and then … then he um ..”

“Baby did he hurt you?” you asked carefully, not wanting to overwhelm him. He nodded into your neck, letting out a sob. “I-if he wasn’t being so loud, and the neighbours didn’t come out … I just shut down … just like I used too.”

“It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“One of the guys at the front of the park threatened to call the cops and he bolted.”

“Cause he’s a coward,” you didn’t like bad mouthing people, but Al Munson was the worst.

“Eddie my love, will you let me see your face?” you softly kissed the top of his head and he nodded, sniffling. Pulling back slightly, but not letting go, you turned on your lamp.

Looking at his face, tears came to your own eyes, “Oh my baby, let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” leading him to your bathroom, you pulled out your first aid kit.

His lip was popped, the side of his face bruised, he had a black eye coming and his eye brow was cut. “Can you sit here for me?” you motioned to the closed toilet. He sat on the lid silently.

Making your way to stand between his legs, “This is gonna sting,” you spoke, antiseptic wipe in hand. He hummed, you tried to be as careful as possible, touching his eyebrow, but he let out a hiss.

“Sorry, oh I’m sorry baby. I know it hurts.”More tears fell but you knew it wasn’t out of pain, well not physically, this was in his heart. “Why does he hate me?” he sobbed, resting his head on your stomach.

“Because he’s an awful person. You are everything he could never be. You are kind and loving and sweet and gentle. He is a mean man, a broken man.”

“H-he said it was my fault mom-“

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare listen to him, it was not your fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

“B-but he said-“

“I know, but that is because he is a broken man who never learnt how to deal with his emotions. He didn’t talk about your mom and took out all his feelings on you, but Eds you were a baby.

“You were your moms pride and joy, she would hate the way he’s treated you. You have such a good heart and soul, and you honour your mom everyday by being so strong and kind,

“The way you look after Wayne, the kids, me. She’d be so proud. So please do not listen to a thing that nasty man says.”

He calmed in your hold, still holding you tightly. “I love you, thank you for being here,” he said, pulling away from your tummy, his face now splotchy and swollen with tears.

“I will always be here. I love you so much.” You kissed his lips softly, not wanting to hurt him anymore. “Tell you what, if you’re feeling up to it in the morning, we can go and talk to Hop. Tell him what happened, how does that sound?”

“You’ll stay with me?”

“Always. Now let me finish cleaning you up.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Eddie had changed into a pair of clothes he’d left here, whilst you went to make him some toast and tea. Something your mom did whenever you were upset.

You also decided to call Wayne’s work place. “Hello?” an unfamiliar voice answered, clearly tired. “Hi, um I was wondering if I could talk to Wayne Munson please.”

Soon enough you heard his voice, “Munson,” he said simply. “Hey Wayne it’s me.”

“Oh hello Honey, is everything okay?”

“Not really,” you then explained the events of the night. “Is he okay?”

“He was shaken up. I’ve cleaned him up, we’re going to talk to Hopper in the morning. I just wanted to tell you so you could be careful, keep an eye out for him”.

“Well thank you for letting me know. Just … tell him I love him okay, and thank you for taking care of my boy.”

“I always will Wayne, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You wandered up to your room, finding Eddie sat on the bed, legs crossed, eyes skimming across your bookshelf, to keep himself distracted.

“Hey,” you said softly, not wanting to make him jump. “Hi,” he smiled weakly. Passing him the plate and the mug you sat next to him, sipping your own drink.

“I spoke to Wayne, just so he can keep an eye out. He wanted me to tell you that he loves you.” Eddie paused mid bite, almost choking.

“Really?”

“His exact words, he loves his boy. I love him too,” you nudged his shoulder.

“I love you.”

The rest of the night was quiet, you and Eddie drank your tea and ate toast. He lay on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, as you played with his curls.

Soon his soft snores were filling the room. He would be okay. He was surrounded by love, maybe not Al. But Al didn’t deserve him.

People like you, Wayne, your friends. Those were the ones he needed. His family, definitely strange and not at all normal, but a family nevertheless.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

[jinkicake]

YOUR ARRANGED/FORCED MARRIAGE IS SO GOOD OMG. if you’re up to it, i was wondering if you could write one for childe? ofc only if you want to <3

Forced / Arranged Marriage Trope 

Childe, Scaramouche x Reader

A/N: Hi, Anon, you're so sweet!!! Thank you!! I had to add Scaramouche too bc... I simply had to (it fits so well w him) so I hope that is okay~ I kinda got carried away and made Childe sorta yandere, im sorry I love him being unhinged and it scares me in the best way like somehow scara is soft but I made childe not…. Hmmm i love childe!!!!!!

fem!reader bc I like the use of ‘wife’

WC - 1.5k

TW // SLIGHT YANDERE!CHILDE (NOT REALLY)

~~~

Childe

“If you’re thinking about going back to that kitten outside I will tie you down to our bed.” Childe’s rather calm voice strikes you down on the spot, almost as if you’ve been struck with a flash of lightning. The original plan that you had was to make a stealthy exit through the front door, you should have known better. You try to keep your frantic heart sane as you slowly turn on the tips of your toes to face him. 

Your husband is sitting in one of the couches of your front room as he thumbs through a book gifted by a friend of his in Liyue. It’s incredibly hard to not roll your eyes as he practically sits in the dark like some villain, tucked away and hoping to catch you lacking. 

“Come here.” Despite his soft voice, you can tell that he is not in the mood to play with you. You clench your teeth painfully tight and wordlessly head to stand by his side. The harbinger doesn’t look up from his book as he blindly grabs your wrist, tightly wrapping his fingers around the two bones. He presses his touch, imprinting his fingers, into your skin as his thumb rubs comforting strokes against you. “Be more careful wife, it’s too dangerous to go out late at night.” Through your leveled breathing, you can’t help but gasp as he tugs you closer toward him. “I would hate for anything to happen to you.”

You don’t have it in yourself to tell him that the dangers inside this house put any of those outside of it to shame. 

“I know,” You settle for something that will please him, a kind phrase that will acknowledge his worries and provide him with a sense of understanding. By the narrowing of his dull eyes, you seemingly said something completely wrong.

“I don’t think you do.” Childe finally looks at you and the blank expression on his face causes a sense of fear to find root in your heart. He looks at you calculatingly as if he is planning his every move and the one that follows in his head. “How can I possibly make it clear to you?”

The vision that lights up on his hip makes your entire body freeze.

“No- I believe you, I won’t go out anymore,” In your panic, all you manage to sound is desperate. Childe ignores you.

“I really just want to protect you, don’t you understand how much you mean to me?” It’s so terribly difficult for you to focus on him as his voice is overcome with heavy emotion. Almost like a flip of a switch, the thought of losing you breaks his sanity and pushes him to a dark edge. “Oh, ангел (angel), you must listen to me,”

You’ll do anything if it means you’ll never have to see him in his foul legacy form again. 

“I will, I will, I promise.” Despite all your troubles, you dryly swallow any anxious nerves down. You place your free hand over his own, slowly closing the book that Childe is reading. “жизнь  моя (my life), let’s go to bed, please.” His native language sounds heavy on your tongue and you nearly twist the muscle trying to spit the pet name out. For once, you applaud your memory and mentally thank Childe for always calling you something other than your own name. 

“Right,” Childe puts the book on the coffee table before rising to his towering height, he stands above you with a sweet smile on his face. Despite the warm expression, you nearly start to break into a sweat at the lack of feeling seen in his eyes. “I am rather tired. We can finish this in the morning.”

“Of course,” You struggle to give him a smile back and choose to instead place a kiss on the back of his knuckles. Childe greedily bathes in your affections as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest. 

“You know that I love you, жена (wife),” His voice now sounds uncharacteristically vulnerable, it quickly smothers over any of your fear and hostility and causes your heartstrings to twinge with adoration. “I couldn’t handle it if anything happened to you.” 

Perhaps you are just as far gone off the deep end as he is because, above all else, you feel safest in his arms and sheer terror in his presence. 

“I will always protect you with my life. If I must, I will kill for you, Родна́я (dear).”

Scaramouche 

“You can’t be serious.” In all the years you’ve been married to Scaramouche, there have been multiple times when you thought him to be ridiculous. This situation is by far the most ridiculous of them all. Above everything else, the Harbinger is a drama king.

“I will not have my wife being accompanied by another man.” His anger is laughable, you’ve seen the true extent of it but, it’s hard to take him seriously when he’s glaring at you from under his too-large-of-a-hat.

“I wouldn’t have to be accompanied at all if you just let me go by myself,” Your reasoning does not get through to him.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He snaps and the bite isn’t even strong, you already expected this from him. “As if I could let you out of my sight for a minute,”

In the worst way possible, your husband is attached to you with no desire to let you go. Although he tries with his affections and will lovingly pet your hair with an awkward hand, he still stumbles over his own two feet when around you. 

“I want to visit Mondstadt for their Windblume festival, you promised me that we would go.” You’re stubborn in your ways and are unwilling to let Scaramouche forget his first and foremost obligations to you. “I am going with or without you.” 

Your husband glares at you, eyes narrowed in frustration as he clenches and unclenches his fists. All you do is stand patiently and wait for his fit to end. 

“Fine.” He grunts and quickly writes a note on his desk, you excitedly wait for him as he hands the note to one of the guards outside his door. It’s only when he closes his office door again and it’s the two of you alone inside that you run to him with open arms. 

“I’m so excited!” You gush and gush while squeezing your arms around his waist. Scaramouche pats you back as he tips his hat to cover more of his face, he quietly scoffs through your cheers. 

If he had an ounce of courage to stand up to you the way he does the other Harbingers, the way he just told Dottore to fuck off through a simple note, then perhaps the puppet would have some control in his marriage. 

Much to your delight, he does not.

“What is the point of all this?” The grumpiness that Scaramouche is exuding does not go over your head. All it takes is a simple squeeze of your hand, which is tightly held within his own, to make his grumbling melt away under the Mondstadt sun. Being tucked away in the forest, away from the cozy town and any of its people is something you’ve already become accustomed to.

Whenever you travel with your husband, the two of you can’t get too close to others because of his status as a Harbinger and everything else.

“We are supposed to strengthen our relationships!” You place your basket onto the soft green grass before pulling out a blanket with one hand. Somehow you manage to spread it out and sit before ushering your husband to do the same. “Don’t you want to improve your relationship with me?”

Scaramouche rolls his eyes.

“What is there to improve?” He turns to glare at anything but you, his hard eyes rest on the trees and then the blue sky all while you sweetly tuck his hair behind his ear. The soft action internally makes him flinch but, on the outside, all the Harbinger manages to do is blush. “You’re already perfect,” 

“Aren’t you sweet?” You tease and lean over to place a kiss on his cheek. Scaramouche pushes you away, hand resting on your shoulder before he throws the idea away and tightens his grip. The gentle smile on your face, radiating more warmth than the spring sun could ever provide him, makes the Harbinger feel a little nervous. 

You are everything to him. 

Just as he goes to kiss you, a lone dandelion flows through the air. He watches it carefully as it sneaks over your head and fades away into the distance. The entire time he is distracted, you lean over again and place a kiss on his lips. 

“Happy Windblume, my love,”

Scaramouche can’t even fight the ridiculous smile off of his face as he makes a promise about your future together. 

“We will have to do this again next year. We’ll return every year.”

[icameheretoreadstuff]

Listen

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Warning: 18+, smut, unprotective sex, oral

Summary: You and Dean have been hunting friends for a long time, you both have been flirting having this tension between you two and then you finally snap.

A/N: masterpost & links are pinned on my tumblr.

"You know what, You’re totally wrong” you sighed and raised up from your chair. You, Dean and Sam were currently at a motel somewhere hunting some kind off monster. You had a bedroom of your own right beside them. Dean raised up and walked towards the fridge and grabbed a beer "No" he simply said while staring at you, and sitting back down. “Just because you’re big, mean and scary doesn’t mean you’re right!" You finally blurted, you had been holding your opinion secret some time now. You could see Sam in the background sighing while shaking his head, "what!?" You asked Sam. "Nothing” he answered and continued typing on his laptop. “What did you just say?” Dean spat and took a sip of his beer, placing it on the table and looked at you intensely.

"We are currently hunting a freakin" he began, he stood up walking towards you and stopped trying to find something to say. You sat down and chuckled. "something and you’re here talking about your feelings?" He shrugged his head "lets hunt the sunbitch and then talk about how you really feel" he spat and looked intense deeply into your eyes, just a few inches from your face. “Im going out on a beer run, anyone want something?" Sam said while walking towards the door. “Im good" you and Dean both said in unison. You both waited until Sam walked out of the door before you sat down.

Dean turned around while shaking his head, and then he looked at you "what is your problem?” you looked up on him, you sighed "shut up" he looked furious at you “you are really pissing me off” he began and walked towards you. “Likewise” you spat and stared at his bulk, you looked up at him trying to see if he caught you staring. He looked at you puzzled, “what are planning?” He smirked “maybe this will help" you spat and took a grip on his buckle and pulled him closer to you, so his center was right in front of you.

You looked up at Dean, and he froze still "what are you doing” he asked, and his mood quickly changed, but still trying to contain his emotions. “Youre so uptight, let me help" you suggested and unbuckled his pants. Dean started to pant slowly out if excitement. “Y/N” he said and looked at you. you couldn’t wait anymore or pretend that you have wanted this for so long. “I want to taste you” you said and smiled flirtatiously and pulled down his pants.

His long shaft bounced out of his pants, ready for your touch. You opened your mouth softly, your tongue exploring his length. You could feel electricity run inside you. He throws his head backwards and grunts. He grabs your head, began to thrust into you. You grabbed his arm with your free hand and could feel his muscles tense up, you looked up for a second and raised up to throw his shirt off.

You couldn’t stop staring at his muscles on his body, so you started to lick and taste him. “Dean” you moaned. you pushed him on the bed and ripped your clothes off. "I want you deeper inside me" You exhaled and crawled over his body exploring with kisses and reached your goal on top of his tip and you thrusted your mouth on him. He gasped out of pleasure. He began thrusting himself into you, while holding your head.

He grabbed you quickly and shifted positions so that you laid on your back, and he stood over you with his shaft, ready to thrusting himself into your mouth. "You like my cock huh?" He exhaled and thrusted himself repeatedly into your mouth making you moan. He leaned closer to you so he sat on top of you, thrusting into you. You grabbed his ass, finding his gspot. Making him more crazy. He moaned, “you’re crazy” he grunts.

He began panting and thrusting harder. You moaned and began touching yourself. “Let me” he said quickly and turned around and began eating you out, while still thrusting into you. You grabbed his thighs and went deeper. You could feel his tongue entering you and exploring. It wasn’t long until you began closing in on your climax. He moans and grunts, making noise while eating you. It drove you crazy, you started moaning, making his length vibrate in your mouth. “Y/n” he moanes, and thrust inside you, having the perfect rythum. You could feel his breath crashing into your core.

He was touching you on all the right places with his tongue. “I’m close” you exhaled “me too” he said into your core and playfully bite your (core)lip. “Dean, I want you inside me” You exhaled, he raised up and turned around and finally taking his long shaft into you. A rush of euphoria crashed into your entire body, like a wave of electricity. as result your body began thrusting wanting more. He grabbed your thighs and placed them on his shoulders, thrusting deeper into you. “Dean” you moaned, listening to all the sounds he was making was driving you crazy. “I’m gonna-“ you panted and then You both climaxed.

“Y\N” he panted. He collapsed on the bed beside each you, while panting “I’m not finished” you said “with you.” He looked up on the ceiling and said simply “me too.” He raised up and looked out the window and began dressing himself. “But Sam’s here.” He simply stated and you rushed to pick up your clothes, and then you grabbed him “come take a shower with me” you flirted, he chuckled “you don’t have to ask me twice”

[sicjimin]

— Not Even Witchcraft Could Help —

a.n : hi! wow it's been like .. 3 months. it took a lot from me to muster up this supposed to be drabble .. i think i have lost my touch for writing lol because i dont even know what is this or is this good or ... whatever 🥲 i hope anyone that read this .. like it ? i guess ? this supposed to be a silly little drabble where Yoongi is a witch and trying to help his little sick human Jimin, but i got carried away as always so it becomes long .. im so sorry if this absurd or make nosense in anyway 😁

tw : emeto

To his defends, Jimin can say he has a quite strong immune. Well yeah, maybe isn't as strong as Seokjin, or Yoongi—his boyfriend—that could still function even after get rained on, living off 3 hours of sleep, and other quite sick-inducing habits. He got his fair shares of flu, but it's never bad. Maybe a nightly fever, congested nose, few days of cough, and then he's better.

It started when Jimin got home from his practice session with fever this afternoon. Stumbling into his apartment with half conscious mind as dizziness muddled his brain. He plopped into the couch, curled himself small there—tugging his coat as far as it can be to cover himself because the act to get a blanket properly is waay to exhausting for him. He just wanted to sleep. It didn't take long for him to lost against sleep, and only being awakened by a panicked Yoongi, as his boyfriend fussing to touch his forehead cheeks and even arms.

So, he can't really blame Yoongi to be this ... awkward tending his emotional-sick traits, as he currently sniffling after a whole good minutes of crying after throwing up bouts of the older (supposed to be) healing teas.

"Jimin-ah .. love .. you're sick? You're burning up! and why you still in this clothes? How long have you been here? Have you eat anything?"

Jimin groans, burrying his face further into one of their fluffy cushions as he felt even groggy after his short naps. "Mhm .. i think so?", he managed to croak out before his throat decided that the effort to speak was too much and burst into a fit of coughs. "My head hurts .. and cold ..", he added after sucking a big gush of fresh air. "I feel awful hyung"

He barely remember anything after that ; he vaguely remembered Yoongi fussing around him with warm chamomile tea, making him eat few spoonful of food, then he remembered getting drawn into a warm bath and suddenly he was on the bed. He also remembered Yoongi cuddled up against him, tucking the blanket high up under his chin, and play with his hair until everything is pitched black for him.

Jimin didn't know how long he has been asleep. But his distorted-feverish mind know that it's still night time or maybe dawn, judging from their dim bedroom with no hint of sunlight from the curtains—and soft snores from his boyfriend. Jimin stirs a little, feeling his stomach rumbles, except its not in a hungry way—but in a "i'm about to puke" kind of way. He winces, trying not to let out any moans or groans of discomfort as he shuffles away from the older sturdy chest. He huffs, grabbing his phone to check the time, but his eyelids seem to weigh a ton. His brain is foggy and lethargic as he rolls further.

"Ugh..." he mutters, putting down his phone and trying to get comfortable—coming into a realization that he's not awake by his own will. Not that his body decided to wake him up because he already got enough sleep; but because he's reaching the peak of his sickness.

Unfortunately, the little movement only worsens the feeling churning inside his bloated stomach—it keeps roiling around, making him feel like he'll be sick to his guts any minute now. The faint sense of dizziness that makes the bed spins a little when he moves also did not help his predicament.

With great effort, Jimin tries to move and sit up properly. His stomach rumbles more fiercely with each movement, the cramps growing in intensity. It's taking everything he got not to vomit, as the acidic bile keeps churning around inside of him. He takes a deep breath, trying to hold it all down as he slowly gets to his feet—he's going to be sick, and it's better safe than sorry. He didn't want to make Yoongi cleaned up the sheets right when he wakes up later.

Everything hurts.

"Fuck... this... this is not good...", Jimin mumbles, as he hobbles slowly to the bathroom—hands circling around his mid section as his guts growling and gurgling louder and louder with each step. He can taste the food Yoongi made him to eat few hours ago on his tongue as he burps on the bathroom treshold. He closes the bathroom door slowly, not wanting to make such a commotion that could wake Yoongi up. He huffs, closing his eyes as he grabs the edge of the toilet—feeling his inside rolls like clothes in washing machine—and begins to cough and gag. It was empty at first, but its thicken the nausea until he can't hold it back anymore. The foulness pours from his mouth in a heavy stream. His stomach heaving violently, pushing and contracting against itself as water and half digested food rushing to get out of his body. It's horrible, but it feels like some kind of relief.

"Ah ..", Jimin moans once it's over. He closes his eyes, breathing hard and gulping air, waiting for the next wave to hit—knowing that it's only the beginning. His clammy hands reached over his stomach, he hissed a little as the coldness of his palm burns against his feverish body, and begins to gently rubs it.

It aches.

"Min .. are you in there?"

Jimin is too busy shivering and wiping bile off his face to respond to Yoongi's voice right away. He leans up against the bowl, his body trembling, as he tries to catch his breath. "I... I'm okay. Just... got sick. That's all. I'm fine." The sourness of his voice sounds like it was dragged up from his stomach.

Jimin hears the footsteps coming closer, but he barely could pay any attention to it as he instinctively hunch over to brace for the next wave of retching. The bathroom door opens and he shut your eyes—already feeling water creeping up to his throat.

"Baby .. why didn't you wake me up?", Yoongi's deep yet soothing voice drawn around him, followed by his hand tracing along Jimin's spines. Jimin shuddered at the touch.

Yoongi continuous mumbles feels like a spell against the ringing on his ears. "This ...", Jimin spits as he tries to catch his breath, "Is digusting"

"I—", as Jimin attempts to speak, another surge of vomit rises up in his throat. He gags and it pushes out, this time with even more force. It's almost like he has to get his stomach's entire contents out as soon as possible before his body calms down. He grips the toilet bowl and shuts his eyes tightly.

"Breathe .. Jimin-ah, breathe .. you're okay .. let it out"

He hears the older chuckles, before a tissue comes into his eyesight. Jimin slumps down, and mumbles a small thankyou as he cleans up his nose and lips.

Gosh .. he must've look like a whole mess.

"You're sick, that's justified", Yoongi hums, tucking the younger sweaty hair in, "Are you feeling better?"

Jimin doesn't answer him right away as he tries to regain his strength slowly to come back to him. The nausea has subsided. But he's still reeling. His head still feels woozy. Not to mention his body feels exhausted and shaky from what just happened. "Mhm .. still nauseous though", he croaks out as he pats his stomach, assessing if it's safe for him to move around. "I will wait for few minutes here .. i'm afraid i will puke again if i move", he decides with a sigh, leaning against his boyfriend that quick to accept the sudden add of weight.

"Do you want something?", Jimin closes his eyes as he feel Yoongi's chest rumbles, "Mhm ... can you be my witch boyfriend right now and musters up your tea? Anything that could make this sickness away in 5 minutes .. i feel like death hyung .."

Jimin didn't need to rolls his body to see that the older is rolling his eyes as the latter scoffs, then there's a pinch on his cheeks.

Jimin pouts.

"You're a brat, you know. You hate those tea"

Jimin peels himself away, squeezing his eyes when the bathroom tilts a little.

"Please hyung? I think it's better than anything now", he whines as he rubs his nose bridge, then grinning when Yoongi sighing and leans forward, "Okay .. i will try to make it", he mumbles, ruffling Jimin's hair as he stepped out toward the kitchen.

"Hyung! Can you make it sweeter? It was sooo bitter last time"

"Mhm, noted, Your Majesty"

It takes more than few minutes, as Jimin already successfully migrates towards the bed without hurling his inside and dozes off few times, when Yoongi shuffles into the room with warm cup on his hand. "Here ..", the latter helps him sits up and hands him the tea. "Don't force yourself to drink it .. i know it tastes awful", he mutters sheepishly, maybe borderline worried as his eyes never leave the younger—as if he wants to tackles the cups away.

"Thank you hyung", Jimin mumbles as he takes a breath from the steam. It smells normal, and he feels a bit of awe as he could feel his head getting clearer and not as fuzzy as before.

This gonna works.

He takes a small sips, an icky, syrupy flavour immediately glued itself to the inside of Jimin's mouth, enveloping his teeth and tongue in a syrupy goo. He bravely gulped down the dreadful concoction, doing his utmost to stifle a gag and not reveal just how horrendous the tea was. As he cautiously lifted his gaze back to Yoongi, that eyeing him worriedly, he offered a nervous smile and a single nod, "Thanks, love, it tastes...better"

"Really?", Yoongi lifts one of his eyebrows, doubting his kind by default boyfriend, but also there's a hint of hopeful tone in there.

Jimin hums, taking a deep breath and take another gulp.

But maybe a sick body really can't lie—the response was fast and immediate, barely giving both of them time to react, as Jimin suddenly lurch into a loud gag. Yoongi's eyes widen, quickly swiped trashcan from the corner of their room, and places it under the younger lips as Jimin looks like he's one second away from bursting.

"Hyung .. i'm sorry—", Jimin chokes out before all the concoction he just drank and whatever was left over from the earlier gushing out of him in a big wave. It doesn't take much energy to bring everything up as suddenly everything is nauseating for him. His mouth feels like it's coated thick with the taste of the tea and it's overwhelming. His stomach responding to it with eagerly twisting his guts out and about. For a solid minutes, it's only Jimin's loud belches and gags along with Yoongi's worried murmurs that could be heard in that room.

"Hyung ... fuck .. i'm so sorry", Jimin sniffles when he's out of the nausea spells. His eyes glassy as he watches the older quietly put away the soiled trashcan, and takes away the cup from his shaky hands.

Jimin is about to cry as his words meet with silence—he watches the older busying himself to clean everything up, and it's when Yoongi in the bathroom, cleaning the trashcan that the bubbles burst. He feels guilty ; knowing that it's literally ass cracked of time, Yoongi is definitely tired after long day of works just like him, he had taking care of him earlier and yet Jimin not only thrown up his food—but also the tea that he Asks for. He already promised to drink it and push the older to make it when Yoongi himself know how it will turn out—Gosh .. he's really an awful boyfriend. Yoongi has doing a lot for him and yet—

"Jimin-ah .. hey .. breathe baby", Jimin didn't even realized that his breathe has come in a short intervals until Yoongi caresses his tears-coated cheeks, "Breathe .. it's okay, why are you crying?"

Jimin sniffles, for some reason, the question only makes his guilt swells even more. He looks up, letting Yoongi get ahold of his eyes—hoping that the witch could read his mind even his sight is blurry with tears—before letting himself falls into his boyfriend shoulders as the latter pulls him in with a chuckles, "Baby .. it's okay .. like i tell you earlier, i know the tea is awful. It's fine", Yoongi tries to say gently but the words fall flat and Jimin whines again. "No ..."

"What no?", Yoongi giggles now, "You just have thrown up too, there's no way your body can handle a bitter liquid shoved up like that .. it's okay", he adds, "Now let's not get yourself worked up, and rest .. okay? I will make you chamomile tea later, a normal one, no witchcraft involved"

[elsfairy]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀꒰⠀SOMBRE⠀⠀⎯⎯ ⠀⠀SEVIKA. 🎐 ꒱⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

sombre: having or conveying a feeling of deep seriousness and sadness.

a/n: hi. this is kind of different for me, but I wanted to try my hardest to write about how sevika would try to come to terms with affection and love from someone who truly cares about her but we'll see how that ends up. id apologize for this being so long but im not sorry.

a relationship can be beautiful, it is beautiful, but there are aspects of one that could also have said individual feeling sad. not because they are sad about their relationship with you, but more so their relationship with themselves as a person. Sevika loved you, she loved everything you did for her, but she didn’t know how you, of all people, could treat her with such care, and so much love that it made her heart hurt when she would simply just smile when you said she was beautiful, how she would wave off at the mention of how amazing she is. it’s simple, she wasn’t used to it. she doesn’t hide her feelings from you because she is built to do so, she hides it because she doesn’t want you to see her as weak, or useless. out of everyone, you make her feel seen and that scares her. the way you look at her the second she wakes up with a soft, bright smile, makes her scared because she’s never had someone smile at her.

imagine her coming home after a long, stressful day and she’s bleeding, her lip is busted, a bruised face and she just looks at you so emotionlessly that it terrifies her to be seen so vulnerable, especially around someone she cherishes the most. how she instantly tenses up when you cup her face in your hands, just softly stroking both of her cheeks with the pads of your thumbs and she’s still looking at you. scared to open her mouth & speak in case she either starts crying or you think she’s being weak. and it’s only then when you start asking her if she’s okay, or if she’s the one that’s hurt that she starts to shake. simply because she is not used to someone caring so deeply about her, about her feelings and emotions. and all you can do is hold her tense body as she leans more into you, holding onto your shirt so tight that she’s scared you’re gonna disappear the minute she tries to gasp for air or blink. “listen to me, whatever happened, know that it’s okay and i’m here for you”

when she’s angry, she doesn’t come to you for the sole purpose of not wanting to scare you, or have you see her in such a state. she was careful with her anger, but she was very perceptive of your emotions and she knew you were sensitive but that didn’t matter to you. if she needed to yell or scream it out, you would sit there and you would listen to her. she didn’t get that. how you were so ready to listen to her yell about how she was feeling. it made her flinch, like a scared cat when you would lightly rest your hand on her shoulder, but it’s how you looked at her that made those high walls she built to protect herself, break. with that smile she loved so much. those eyes that silently read that it was okay, it was okay to feel stumped, to feel like nothing was okay because you know her, and you know how she is. “you don’t have to be scared to talk to me about anything. i want to help, i want to listen, don’t shut me out. if you need to shout, do it. if you need to scream, do it. if you need to fucking cry, do it, but i’m not going anywhere”

those quiet nights when she’s sat on the chair in the living room had her at ease. although her throat dry & mind racing as your fingers would trace the metal of her arm, a soft smile appearing on your lips when her fingers would twitch just slightly. she didn’t let anyone touch her, but you? she would go to the ends of the world to see you happy, and if you were happy touching her then so be it. but it was the nights when she needed to fix her arm after a fight that made her panic because sometimes she needed that bit of extra help, and asking for help was something she could barely bring herself to do purely out of being vulnerable. you’d seen her do it countless times, over and over again until it burned like a manual in your brain, that's what scared her. you were so gentle. fingers lightly brushing over & cleaning the blood off her arm, making sure not to get any of the solutions into the gears, carefully taking your time with each part. and she’d watch you, so entranced with how fuckin patient you were with her, how good you treated something that meant so much to her, and how delicately you treated the whole moment. “It means a lot to me, you know? letting me take care of something that means so much to you, and it makes me happy that you’re comfortable with me helping you because all i wanna do is take care of you. i hope you know that”

or the nights when you would stumble into the bathroom, forgetting that she would be in the bath, trying to do everything by herself, that made her even more vulnerable. yes, you’ve seen her naked countless times, but she felt so small to the point she just wanted to cry and have you hold her when you would just look at her, that same fuckin smile on your lips. she didn’t have to say anything, not when you silently sat down on the floor by the side of the tub, pressed your lips against her temple, and sighed. neither of you had to say anything to understand that she was slowly, but surely getting used to you caring about her, loving her, seeing her. those silent moments she’d sit there, letting you run your fingers through her hair, washing it a few seconds later with the lightest touch she’s ever felt. how she would let you without much of a fight this time wash her body, wash her face, and by the end of it she would be in tears simply because you would call her beautiful and pretty with each dab of the cloth.

she might be strong, but you kept her shielded. you kept her feeling secure. she didn’t need to be afraid with you. she didn’t need to keep herself closed off from you. you made her feel protected in ways she hasn’t felt before. and even if she didn’t know how to voice it, she loved you. loved everything you do for her, and she just loved how you loved her. even if she did feel scared about her emotions.

“you don’t have to be scared around me, i’m gonna take care of you. i’m gonna protect you, and i’m going to love you. i’m going to show you how much i love you everyday that i am alive”

[eclectic-sassycoweyes]

WIP Wednesday

Thankuuu for the tag @carlos-in-glasses !! 💗 (Please know how sorry I am that I haven’t been showing the love for Where All This Love Comes From that it deserves yet, my life and mind have been busy and stressed lately so I’ve been somewhat of a passive scroller, but I promise you that I was jumping up and down internally when I saw it had gotten posted, and I shall return to it and pour my adoration out over it as soon as I’m able!)

I do happen to have something to share today, so here is a snippet of an emotional monologue that came to be completely out of my control, from TK trying to reassure Carlos that he is a good man, and is lovable and forgivable for his actions in 4.18

“Carlos, when I met you, one of the things I admired about you was that you were the kind of cop who didn’t believe that anyone was inherently bad, or beyond reprieve. You were - are - the kind who sees the nuances, sees the people behind their actions even if it complicates things. And who knows that even normal, good people can end up in bad situations, can be drawn to desperate measures if they’re pushed hard enough.” He chuckles slightly on the next word, the memory a cherished one. “Baby, you looked at me, sitting across from you in a police station when you barely even knew me, with cuffs around my wrists and a busted lip from a bar fight that I was the one to initiate while I told you about my history with illegal substance abuse, and your first impulse was to apologise for serving champagne that night I ran out on you like a crazy person, and hurt you doing it. Nothing in the way that you looked at me changed. You still looked at me and saw me, saw someone you wanted to help, someone you wanted to get to know on a deeper level, someone you wanted to love. You - just like that, you decided to love me; and not even in spite of, but because of who I was.” TK licks his lips before continuing, tasting salt from the tears he hadn’t noticed had started to fall.

“And even with all the things I’ve told you about my past since then, about the things I’ve done while I was high out of my mind and the things I did to get high or even to conceal how bad it had really gotten, you just kept loving me and believing in me and seeing me. And baby,” TK lifts Carlos’ chin so they’re face to face, rubbing his thumb just to the side and underneath his lower lip, seeing it catch on his thumb and drag slightly with the movement. It’s feels like forever since every place on their bodies became little spots in the world that were among the most familiar to the other’s touch, since every point on their bodies became one suited for providing and receiving physical comfort from the other. “Baby” he repeats, “I could never do anything short of doing you the same courtesy.”

Tags under the cut!

I again have no idea who’s done it and who’s not, so I’ll tag every one of my mutuals, also just for taking the chance to say thank you again (to those I have talked with) and just thank you (to those I haven’t yet) for making this fandom such a nice place and welcoming me into it ! I’m starting to feel more and more a part of it, and that’s really awesome, cause I really like it here! 😌 😊 🙃

And if I have any followers that I’m for some reason not mutuals with, consider this the openest of open tags if you wanna participate!!!!!!!!!!

@heartstringsduet @craftytragedysalad @paperstorm @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @thisbuildinghasfeelings @never-blooms @catanisspicy @lightningboltreader @lemonlyman-dotcom @welcometololaland

[lveclouds]

↬ pairing/characters: spy wonwoo x reader, other members may be mentioned

↬ genre/aus: heavy angst, zero to no fluff (im so sorry, this fic is essentially 100% angst), non idol au, spy au 

↬ summary: in which you remember the spy that loved you and how he broke your heart.  

↬ rating(s): m,18+ (see warnings) 

↬ tw: heavy swearing, sad ending (yep this one’s a sad one folks), mentions of injuries (brief), mild violence (mainly mentions, nothing graphic), wonwoo’s a sweetheart and also self-sacrificing:((, reader needs a huge hug, mild violence (mentions only, no actual scenes depicted), brief mentions of nightmares (brief)

↬ wc: 2.2k 

↬ note: this fic was yet another one that came out of nowhere <3 i have zero self control lmao anyways the title of this fic comes from the song ‘moments’ by one direction, and this fic is also loosely based off the song as well <3 this fic WILL hurt, so i apologize in advance for the emotional damage i will cause (im sending all of you the biggest hugs) and yes i listened to an angsty playlist while writing this oops i have zero regrets  

tears stung your eyes as you lay curled up in a ball on your bed, clutching a worn stuffed animal to your chest. the bear had been gifted to you by your mother when you were seven, and you'd never had the heart to give it away. 

it was times like these, when your heart felt that it would shatter into a million fragments, that you were grateful for the stuffed bear's presence. 

your body shook with sobs as images of wonwoo's gorgeous smile flashed across your mind. the memory of his gentle touches and kisses were burned into your skin like a brand. 

and if you closed your eyes, you could still see him standing in your small kitchen, raven hair mussed, sweatpants low on his hips, humming softly to himself as he made breakfast, see the utter fondness and adoration in his eyes whenever he looked at you, cleaving your heart in two, never to be fixed or made whole again. 

loving wonwoo was as easy as breathing, and you had bared yourself to him, heart and soul. he was gentle, kind, and loved with all his heart. wonwoo wasn't an overly affectionate person, but he showed his love in other ways: through quality time and acts of service. 

he would always sit next to you on the spacious living room couch, nose buried in a thick paperback, glasses sliding down his nose, while you watched your favorite drama, happily munching on snacks. 

wonwoo wouldn't say anything, and yet, those were the times with him that you had treasured the most. sometimes, the nights would end with you falling asleep on his shoulder, and the warmth and solidness of him was enough. 

it was enough to convince you that wonwoo would forever be a permanent presence in your life. hot tears scalded your cheeks, blurring your vision, and you let out a helpless whimper, clutching your teddy bear closer to your chest. the day he left still lingered in your mind, for it'd been the day that your entire world collapsed. wonwoo hadn't yelled, hadn't screamed at you, hadn't lashed out like you'd expected him to.

instead, he had given you a sad, teary-eyed smile, strong arms wrapping themselves around you, holding you flush against him, as if he were reluctant to let go. you had sobbed into his shirt, curling your fingers in the soft fabric, the woodsy scent of his cologne hitting your nose, comforting and familiar.

"i'm sorry, love, i wish it didn't have to be this way, and leaving you, leaving all the memories we made, is the hardest fucking thing i've ever had to do, and one day, i hope you will forgive me for hurting you. i will never be able to live with myself knowing that i did, and i won't blame you if you come to resent me one day. i would."

"thank you for loving me. thank you for loving all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, and for loving me even with all the blood on my hands, despite all the danger i put you in. the danger that you are put in because you’re with someone like me.” and, after giving you one last kiss, dizzying and enough to make you weak in the knees, he left, taking your heart with him.

you knew wonwoo’s job wasn’t exactly ordinary, as he’d often come home at ungodly hours at night, bone-tired and with the occasional cut or bruise marring his perfect skin, and you hated those nights when you’d had to patch him up, for the sight of him in pain was too much to bear. 

wonwoo would sometimes be gone for days, even weeks at a time, unable to be contacted, and you would cry yourself to sleep every night, hoping and praying that he would come back to you, safe and sound.  

you’d always felt safe with wonwoo. despite the ruthlessness and mercilessness he showed when dealing with the men that were always chasing after him, it was a great contrast from the gentle touches and kisses you received. wonwoo had never hurt you, had always treated you like fine china, and that to you had been enough.  

it hadn’t mattered that scary looking men hunted him down every night, and wonwoo had had to close your eyes everytime he was about to defend himself and you, telling you to close your eyes. close your eyes love, i don’t want you to see this ugly, dark side of me, was what he always said. 

wonwoo was a mystery, and though you had managed to get past his seemingly iron clad defenses, there were still things he kept from you. he never talked about his job, nor why he disappeared for a few weeks and came back. 

when you had mustered up enough courage to ask him, wonwoo’s entire body grew tense, and you could see the fear dancing in his gorgeous light blue eyes. “do you not trust me?” you had asked, heart breaking at the thought that wonwoo didn’t trust you. devastation had flashed across his face. “of course i trust you, more than anyone in this world.” “then why? why won’t you tell me why you disappear without warning and then come back weeks or even months later? why? are you seeing someone else?” 

at that, wonwoo’s jaw flexed, just slightly. “no, of course not, it’s always been you for me, no one else. i can’t tell you why i’m away for weeks and months, it’ll put us in danger if i do. especially you. but promise me love, that you will trust me? i’m trying to find a way out, a way out of this cursed life i was led to live. will you wait for me?” “yes, i’d wait a hundred years for you.” 

the tears came faster now, streaming down your face like a waterfall, as you remembered how wonwoo had taken you into his arms afterwards, holding you close and whispering sweet nothings into your ear, rubbing comforting circles on your back. you hated the people that had forced wonwoo to take up a career he didn’t want, and for taking away the one man you had ever loved.  

”i won’t blame you if you come to resent me one day. i would.” you let out a choked sob, for you could never resent wonwoo for leaving you, even if it felt as if your heart had been ripped out of your chest. it’d been nearly two years since wonwoo had left, and that had been the last time you’d heard from him.  

you’d found out what wonwoo was so hell bent on keeping from you on a rainy day, of all days, and he had been gone for three weeks. the curiosity and urge to know what wonwoo was hiding was overwhelming, and you’d decided to look through the office he’d had installed some summers ago.  

after a few hours, your search had proven to be fruitless, and you’d been about to give up when you stumbled upon a worn cardboard box hidden in the closet. with shaking hands, you’d lifted the lid of the box and felt your heart drop into your stomach.

  inside was a dozen or so fake ids, passports, and a plethora of classified documents that you didn’t have the courage to go through. you’d sat on the floor in a daze afterwards, mind whirring with a million thoughts, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or cry at the absurdity of the situation. wonwoo, the selfless and beautiful man you had fallen in love with, was a fucking spy.  

said male had arrived home days later, and you had mustered up the courage to confront him about the box he’d hidden in the closet, hot tears streaming staining your cheeks. “am i part of your mission? did the agency want you to pretend to fall in love with me so you could get information? do you even really love me? or has our entire relationship been one complete lie?” 

you’d lamented, and the look of absolute horror and devastation that had flashed across wonwoo’s face was enough to feel a pang of guilt shoot through you.  

“no, never. while falling in love with you was something i never planned or expected, it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, and i will never regret it, not even if my life is on the line."  you had crumpled to the ground, knees giving out as you collapsed to the floor. wonwoo had immediately rushed over to you, pulling you into his arms and holding you as you sobbed into his chest. 

after that, wonwoo began to be more honest with you about his job, telling you that the reason he was away for weeks or even months at a time was because of missions that his boss had demanded him go on. you were grateful that he trusted you not to tell anyone about his job, but you couldn’t help but feel paranoid. paranoid that something terrible was going to happen to you, or god forbid, wonwoo.

and because your intuition was too sharp, you had begun to notice cars tailing you and wonwoo, particularly after dinners and outings with his friends, hoshi, woozi, dokyeom, mingyu, scoups, vernon, joshua, jeonghan, minghao, jun, and seungkwan. then, one night, wonwoo had told you to close your eyes, albeit softly. 

“close your eyes, love,” he’d say, “and don’t open them until i say so.” you’d do as wonwoo would say, not daring to open your eyes until he deemed it safe. you faintly remembered the loud boom of a gun, and the loud screech of tires as wonwoo drove like a madman. there were nights where you were too scared to go out, for the fear of being followed or hunted down was overwhelming. 

wonwoo had one of his friends, jeonghan, who was an expert in cyber security, install a special security system in your home, and for mingyu and minghao to watch over you while he was away on missions. 

you were glad for the aforementioned males’ presence, as they were gentle and kind and always made sure you were okay. there were nights where you would wake up sobbing, due to terrible nightmares, and mingyu or minghao, who were sleeping in the guest rooms down the hall, would come rushing in and pull you into a comforting hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back. 

the relief that would course through you whenever wonwoo would come home, unscathed from a mission, was overwhelming. there were many nights spent where he would just hold you, and you would breathe in his comforting woodsy scent, basking in the warmth and familiarity of him. 

the day that he told you that his agency was relocating was the worst day of your life. you had begged him not to go, to stay and give up his dangerous career, but wonwoo had smiled sadly, taking you into his arms for the last time, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “i wish things were that simple, and i would give up my career for you in a heartbeat, but unfortunately, i can’t just up and leave, even if i wanted to.” 

it hurt, everything hurt, and the last words that wonwoo had ever said to you still lingered in your mind. “promise me, love, that if our paths never cross again, if i am not able to come back to you, that you will find the strength to be happy. i won’t be able to live with myself if you aren’t happy and being loved and cherished by someone, even if it’s not me.” 

hot tears scalded your cheeks as you sobbed, heart cracking and chest heaving with uneven breaths. i’m sorry, my love, but i don’t i will ever be able to move on. you were the greatest joy in my life, and now that you’ve left me, i have nothing left. i will never be able to love someone as deeply as i did you.  

a/n: i’m so sorry y’all :(( i promise my next fic won’t be as depressing slkdljkjfdj anyways i hope you all enjoyed this sad fic, i honestly nearly cried writing this. i am sending you all the biggest hugs, and know that you are important and loved <3 

tagging: @sketchguk​ , @playmetheclassics​, @skyjoong​ , @adulttoast​, @taeyo95​ , @seokmins​ @shuashong​ , @joonminshua ​+ anyone else who wants to read this :)

[calummss]

Curse Of The Sun And Moonchild | Remus Lupin

masterlist

summary: you’re a student at hogwarts infatuated with remus lupin, but not everyone gets to live perfect lives

words: 1k

a/n: my absolute favourite piece ever (after my hp x peaky blinders ofc…) fem! reader as always,,,,,,,,AND IM OFFICIALLY BACK !! I MISSED YOU ALL

There you stood, looking out of the common room window, trying to find an answer that could possibly not be found in the landscape before you. Cold is how you felt; both physically and mentally. You felt like crying, letting all your emotions burst into the open, in hopes of feeling better. Just a spark of positive emotion was all you needed, yet it never came.

You couldn’t stand the silence anymore and walked through the common room door, down the long, darkly light corridor, the ceiling archways gloomy as ever as you set foot after foot only to find yourself standing in front of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

With shaking hands you grabbed the cold, rusty door handle and slowly swung the door open to reveal Professor Lupin sitting at his wooden desk, grading this year's papers.

You forgot what it felt like to stand in his presence. The last time you saw each other it ended in tears and heartbreak. Just the thought and thinking about that moment, reliving it for just one second sent cold shivers down your spine.

Bittersweet.

Lupin wanted to stop what was happening; he was scared of getting caught with a student. He was scared of being caught with you.

‘What are you doing here?’ Lupin's question snapped you out of your thoughts. His face not quite visible as the desk lamp barely lit up.

You found yourself glued to the floor. Like your voice was taken from you.

‘I, I need to talk to you,’ you turned back, closing and locking the door. “You..you can’t cut me off like that. I feel, I feel like I'm being punished for something that’s not even my fault.’

He sighed, his eyes not leaving your gaze, “We talked about this,’ he stood up, making his way to you. ‘We’re risking too much. I enjoy every second I spend with you, but we can’t, it’s too dangerous, I don’t want to cause you nor me any trouble.’

‘Remus-’

‘Don’t.’ He quickly cut you off, his head lowering to the floor. ‘Hearing you say my name…, it hurts…’

A dark, grotesque feeling erupted from the pit of your stomach, like a beast who had flung out his nails scratching your insides, every breath growing more painful.

‘Will you listen to me!’ You yelled, making his head turn to you in an instant. ‘This isn’t some kind of teenage crush with butterflies,’ you spat out, walking towards him, your hands shaking lightly with the adrenaline rushing through your body. ‘If I’m excited about something, I want to tell you. If I have spare time I want to spend it with you. I trust you at my lowest. I’m not having a teenage crush on you Remus…,’, you stared at him. ‘I’m talking about the real emotional warmth,...I love you. I truly love you. My heart desires only you.’

And there it went. All your emotional build up just tumbled out of your mouth. You had to let it out. And you did. But that feeling in your stomach never went away.

Remus’ eyes looked like exploding galaxies and within seconds, you felt him.

You felt his rough hands on the sides of your face pulling you into his soft lips. You felt his torso in front of you, trying to pull you closer than was physically possible. He kissed you like you were oxygen and he was struggling to breathe, only feeling like he was living when he was with you. With your touch and warmth.

Every part of you craved him. A craving that would never be satisfied. A craving so restless you didn’t care who would find out of this relationship.

It was love after all. Who would want to stop that?

Suddenly Remus pulled back breathing heavily. His hand trailed to his trimmed beard, and turned away from you. ‘No, this...is wrong. You shouldn’t have come.’

You furrowed your eyebrows and curled your lips inwards, softly chewing on them.

‘I thought we established that our feelings for each other are stronger than what they will think or say…’

‘I think you should leave.’

Walking towards his desk, he sat down and grabbed a new stack of papers, leaving you to stand in the middle of the room. His head lowered towards the desk, not daring to lift his eyes, though his body fought every single nerve.

Your heart felt like it was being ripped into a million pieces and scattered across the floor. Like every star had fallen from the sky and lost its sparkle. Your throat had become so tight, you had only now noticed the hot tears streaming down your face. It felt like someone had turned off the oxygen and forgot to turn it back on.

‘I hate you.’ Is all you could say. You knew you could never truly hate him but right now in this moment you disliked him more than ever. He led you on, only to let go of your hand, to make you find your own way out of this maze.

‘So you’ll just pretend like all this never happened?’ You asked into the room not knowing if you could handle the answer.

Nothing. He said nothing. All he did was stare at that stupid piece of parchment.

‘I mean that little to you.’ Your croaking words filled the empty void.

Remus fought back tears. He wanted nothing more than to engulf you in the tightest hug imaginable, but imagine it would stay. He still sat motionless in the chair afraid one move might let the tear in his inner eye drop to his cheek and fall onto the papers, ruining school work.

Your eyes scanned across his face once more, in hopes of catching a glimpse of his face but it was buried deep inside his blue, worn out sweater.

A tear rolled down your face knowing you had to leave eventually. With one last sigh, you turned your back to him and stormed out into the dark hallway. Your knees felt like jelly and collapsed right next to the door; you knew the hole he left in your heart could never be patched up again.

[eternalwritess]

Hi there! I was wondering if you can do a Hazbin Hotel romantic matchup for me based on the given information provided below:

I’m 18+. I go by she/her pronouns and i’m bisexual. I’m a Pisces Sun, Gemini Moon and Libra Rising. I have almond shaped eyes, long, thick eyebrows, long eyelashes and dark brown wavy hair. I would describe my body type as a mid-size pear-shaped body. I’m about 5’2.5ft (158.75cm). I have two beauty marks around my cheeks. I have thick legs thanks to exercising. I am apparently more psychically strong than I appear.

My likes include coffee, drawing, singing, fashion, dancing, candles, sweets, pop music, rock music and daydreaming.

I dislike people who are dismissive of my feelings, the cold, math and having to focus on something that is boring to me.

As for my personality, I would describe myself as sassy as I love to engage in playful banter and joking around. I’m very sweet and always do my best to support the ones I love through words of affirmations and acts of service. I get really anxious/flustered easily. I can be either really quiet or really loud (there’s no in between lol.) If i’m overwhelmed, I become very feisty. I try to hide my emotions but it’s hard for me to do it.

I would like a partner that is kind and caring while also providing me with the stability I need since i’m naturally very anxious of everything. I like someone who is very passionate about their interests. I would love them to be receptive to my tendency to want hugs since i’m a hugger. I want someone who can make me smile and laugh.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓮!

im not that good with tar signs so uh- here we go hopefully this isnt too bad :)

You and Rosie seem like you'd be a great match! Especially if you love to gossip

You and her probably sit down each morning to have a cup of coffee or maybe tea in her case and just talk. She loves talking and she'll talk your ear off if you let her

When she catches your drawing she'll always praise you for it saying how good of an artist you are

"That looks amazing! Oh dear you really are quite the artist aren't you?"

As for singing and dancing she'll love to turn on the radio or any of your music and jam out to it. Even though her style of dancing might be a bit more classical than yours she'll dance with you anyways and probably teach you a few other moves

She loves to do things like the tango or waltz with you all the time and will request it randomly throughout the day

Obviously this may get you flustered which she loves. She thinks that you're adorable when you're flustered and will keep trying to make you so

"Oh aren't you just the sweetest thing ever"

She'll commonly get you sweets such as candy or cupcakes and will request that its not made with demon parts if you don't like that

She'll never dismiss your feelings she'd most likely rather die than do so. Once she notices that you're down she'll rush on over to your side and try to cheer you up with some coffee or a cupcake or two

"Oh whats the matter? What made you like this?"

She loves it when you talk sweetly to her and will get quite flustered at it calling you a proper lady and blushing

When you get her stuff she will try to out do you in some manner getting you something bigger or just straight up better she likes the challenge

She doesn't mind the change in volume from you either. In fact she loves it as it always surprises her and she loves surprises

With her you wouldn't need to feel anxious as she's an overlord anyone and anything that can even dream of harming you is already six feet further in the ground not to mention that she's friends with Alastor.

Whether that makes you more or less worried is up to you though but she'll most likely try and convince you that he's harmless

"Don't worry about him dear. He can't do anything to ya,"

Rosie loves physical touch like you and will always want to cuddle especially on days that she has to deal with Susan

She also snuggles up to you whenever you're both sitting down

As for getting feisty she doesn't mind it at all. She actually loves to see you stand up for yourself

[gothmods]

Mega tmi below the cut (sex stuff again)

Well.

I think i can definitely conclude that while i do have a lot of sexuality baggage from yknow christian upbringing cisheteronormative society etc etc and i still think i have a low sex drive and am not very sensitive down there at least to my own touch and still resent the universe for denying me a dick

I can conclude that i am not asexual. The decade long quest for answers reaches some type of end.

I feel good. Yes in that a weight has now been lifted but more that this is one of like, less than a handful of times getting off has felt good, has been something i enjoyed.

All things considered its a mild enjoyment, it was fun but not earth-shatteringly brilliant. But i think it would be more fun with a partner, which like will probably still not be life changing or anything...

And yet that kinda is why its life changing for me. Years of all this anxiety and self harm and its like, its like ive been standing stuck on the doorstep for so long and the doors started to look bigger and heavier but now they are finally open and i can just. Let go? just sit with sex and sexuality as just another part of [my] life.

I liked it, i want to do it again. This is the first time ive been able to feel that way.

Moving on to less emotional notes

- douching, not as much work as you would think. Ive worked out how my body usually is so its a matter of scheduling but the actual prep was straightforward.

- vibrators are a godsend. Still figuring out what feels best but defs beats the hand by a long shot.

- arms and limbs are awkward. Multitasking very hard, suddenly very much understand the appeal of the suction cup dildo. Towel is very good idea also because lube can and does get everywhere.

- have definitely decided i like anal though. Its fun, reminds me a bit of the gentle burn you get from doing muscle based workouts. But without the pain of doing muscle based workouts.

- i like how i feel afterwards too. Front hole stuff has never felt good to me but also would give me abdominal cramping afterwards :/ i dont remember if that was the case pre-t but its never felt good during anyway so

- clean up is a pain. Wish i had my own bathroom. Picture if you will a guy carrying two different glass toys, a wand vibrator, an enema and a bottle of sex toy cleaner through the yard at night and then having to open multiple doors to get to the bathroom all while trying to be quiet enough to not wake his grandmother up (granny flat bathroom is only accessible via the bedroom 😬)

So yeah probably not something i will be doing often unless there comes another time i get the house to myself for a week or something.

Nonetheless excited to keep trying things.

I feel kinda embarrassed writing all this but the thing is i am 24 and having to learn these things for the first time and thats okay. But also i think the past decade and my relationship with sexuality would have been a lot easier to navigate if i had known anyone with similar experiences. I mean i know a lot of people had similar upbringings to me and we all live in a society but its been. Its been very isolating because of how that affected me.

I dont think ive seen much shared at all in terms of experiences with compulsive self harm in a sexual context. If it had just been anxiety and self-loathing i would have been able to deal with it much sooner i think.

But the self harm was a kind of feedback loop of like, you self harm -> you feel shame and disgust and misery -> those feelings become your primary association with sexual thoughts and behaviour -> the only sexual thoughts you get are intrusive and distressing -> self harm becomes a means of feeling in control of the distress -> and on we go again and again and again

But its over. Its actually over and i want to cry. Its been weeks and i havent self harmed and im finding it a little easier to deal with triggers and just. I want to cry so much because i feel so fucking relieved.

The power of anal sex....

[homenecromancer]

next month there’s a family reunion, which means the potential for awkward questions about What I Plan To Do With My Life. “how’s work going”, i can handle… “are you seeing anybody” and associated questions about “you gonna have kids”, though, is especially on my mind lately

1. one of my cousins already has four kids; two of her siblings each had their first kid this year. the family name ain’t going to die out just because i am not having kids, lmao.

2. good parenting is, i think, a learned skill. if you’re lucky you can observe this in your own childhood and just sort of absorb it. i was always, like, fed and physically cared for, but i did not get enough of the kind of emotional support children need. for some people this can be part of their own choice to do better than their parents — for me, it’s part of a complex array of things im behind on due to my upbringing, and that i am still having to bootstrap my way through as an adult. even if i were drawn to being a parent, it’s still way down the list behind stuff like “how do i maintain friendships” as something i did not see modeled for me as a child. this is the kind of thing i would never say at a family reunion, but it does come to mind a lot.

3. sometimes i think about a classmate of mine circa 2008, who i only remember because one day she was complaining to a friend about how bad her periods were, and that she wished she could just “get neutered”. i already knew then i didn’t want kids, it just took a while for me to take real action about it… but i remember her sometimes, and i hope that she’s doing well, and if we had known each other better i would want to get in touch and ask how things have gone — “i never changed my mind… did you?”. simply because one thing i remember distinctly from childhood is how lonely i felt as a girl, watching other girls enthusiastically plan their weddings or families, and feeling absolutely no draw to any of it. and that passing comment from Spanish class, though i didn’t realize it then, was like a glimpse of light: somebody else felt kind of like i did. and i also wouldn’t mention this anecdote at a family reunion, i’d condense it down to: i knew when i was fifteen that i didn’t want children, i just had to sit with that for a while

4. because, again i wouldn’t say this at a family reunion, but being forced to carry a pregnancy is straight-up body horror to me. sure, im not sexually active with anybody at this time. sure, my fertility probably sucked even before i started HRT. sure, abortion is accessible in my state. none of that changes the fear and revulsion the thought of being pregnant brings me. even the process of preserving eggs for someone else to later carry a pregnancy would’ve been unpleasant for me — going off my HRT [bad] and onto a different suite of HRT [not what i want] for an unknowable length of time [no thank you]. and then you have to pay rent to keep those eggs frozen. none of it is something that appealed to me, or even sounded like something i wanted to tolerate in pursuit of the end result. (the outside social pressure that i received as a girl to Get Married And Have A Family was also, like, crushing and nauseating. and i didn’t even have particularly overbearing family members.)

5. after decades of outside observation i am starting to understand from a distance that other people do indeed experience a strong desire to be parents, and/or find the process of parenting rewarding. but im also understanding that, yup, it still sounds like something i just plain don’t want to do. that’s fine. there are things i do or have done that other people don’t want to ever do. life contains multitudes

6. just don’t ask me when im having kids, i have had enough of that

7. lmao