#and it became the funniest shit ever to me and me only

[unpretty]

earlier today andrew was like, "hey, check this out" and turned their phone around to show me an image of a pair of dreamworks eyebrow sunglasses before swiping to show me another image of the sunglasses and bask in my horror

but the pictures were on tumblr and they accidentally swiped the wrong direction in the image viewer

so from my perspective what happened was that andrew was like, "hey, check this out" and turned their phone around to show me an image of a pair of dreamworks eyebrow sunglasses before swiping dramatically to reveal an unrelated image of stuart little, watching me expectantly for a reaction that never came

[mitsuyeaah]

ONE-SIDED HATRED

AKASHI ‘SANZU’ HARUCHIYO x f! reader

“i wanna touch on you. you see me in my room. wish you were here right now, i wanna get freaky on camera.”

cw: youtube star!sanzu, camboy!sanzu, college au, slight enemies to lovers (reader dislikes haru), pining, nsfw (mdni), smut, masturbation (f & m), sex toys, fingering, unprotected rough sex, cum eating, swearing, pet names (baby, princess), slight degradation

word count: 9.5k

a/n: i present to you, akashi haruchiyo <3 also sorry, i had to edit out senju on the header :”(

You stared daggers at his face, biting your tongue to hold back any sharp insults that threatened to come out. If looks could kill, Haruchiyo Akashi would be dead by now. Your blood boiled just by looking at him, the way he threw his head back against the red cushions of the booth—laughing obnoxiously loud, the way his eyes shut as if the joke he had heard was the funniest in the world. It took all your willpower not to roll your eyes at the man, god, he was so fucking cocky.

You hated how he thinks he’s all that just because he’s famous on YouTube, or whatever streaming platform it was, like you cared.

“Careful with that glare, you might accidentally stab him with it.” Keisuke pulled you out of your trance. Your head whipped toward the man next to you, a smug smile forming upon his lips, a glint of playfulness evident in his dark honey eyes. You rolled your eyes at him, “Good. He annoys the fuck out of me.” You didn’t know when this feeling of annoyance for Haruchiyo started but all you knew was that you two were definitely not on the same wavelength.

Not one bit.

Ever since meeting Haruchiyo, you never really got along with him under any circumstances. His first impression was fine, you could give him that but as you got to know him and through Mikey and Keisuke, the more you could not stand the man.

Mikey, Keisuke, and Haruchiyo were three peas in a pod, their personalities didn’t stray too much from one another but there was just something about Haruchiyo that you couldn’t stand, it also didn’t help how frustrated you became because you didn’t know what the reason was. There was really no one to blame for this certain thing you were feeling, that’s why it was much easier to project anger onto Haruchiyo.

Plus, it wasn’t like he was all innocent. As a matter of fact, he added fuel to the fire. He would constantly make jokes about you that you didn’t quite find funny, or sometimes he just won’t leave you alone. Haruchiyo would ask you endless questions ranging from one end of the spectrum all the way to the other end, to which you would always answer ‘it’s none of your business’ because it wasn’t, you weren’t close to him, unlike with Mikey and Keisuke.

If anything, the two of you would only exchange by bantering, and they weren’t friendly ones. There wasn’t a day where you two didn’t fire insults at each other, and every time, either Keisuke or Mikey would jump in before it got out of control.

In all honesty, it looked like you were the only one really worked up during these exchanges because Haruchiyo would always smirk at you, if you knew any better, you’d think he was enjoying this. He probably did, he probably liked you seeing all riled up because of him and you hated it because it made you even angrier.

At this point, you didn’t even know why you came along to these hangouts fully knowing that the pink haired asshole would turn up too, you guessed it’s because Mikey would always beg you to come and you could never say no to him.

“Alright, I think I’m going to head back. I have a shit ton of assignments to do.” You groaned, stretching as you stood up from the booth, bidding your friends goodbye. Of course, before you could fully turn and walk away, Haruchiyo just had to say something, “Geez, you’re always in your dorm all day. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.” He chuckled before taking a sip of his cold beverage—a strawberry smoothie, black painted nails contrasting against the pinkness of the drink.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds, the feeling of anger bubbling up from your stomach as your hands curled into fists by your side. You let out a deep sigh and opened your eyes, directly looking at the turquoise eyed man—who had the same old smug expression plastered over his stupid face, “You know what? Yeah, you’re right and what about it? I don’t see your lame ass with a girlfriend either.” You raised a brow, challenging him.

As expected, he gave you a saccharine smile, “Baby, you don’t know how many women would drop on their knees for me.” You poked your tongue against the inside of your cheek at the pet name, Haruchiyo always called you ‘baby’ despite the countless times you told him not to. Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you calmly replied, “First, I am not your baby and second, you might have hundreds and thousands of subscribers but you’re still bitchless.” You shrugged before completely walking away, not bothering to hear his reply.

“I have millions! Get it right!” He called after you and you could only roll your eyes at him.

You knew Haruchiyo had millions of subscribers, you just wanted to play with him because you knew he wasn’t going to let it slide. 

As a matter of fact, as much as you’d like to deny it, the content he puts out on YouTube wasn't too bad— although, you’ve convinced yourself that it's because Senju—his little sister—carries the whole channel by herself and Haruchiyo is just there.

Their content ranges from Vlogs to other sponsored videos just like other content creators, and from time to time, they upload their solo videos on the shared channel—Senju mainly posts about beauty and fashion whereas Haruchiyo would mostly post videos of him playing games requested by their subscribers. Despite their difference in personalities, they made their channel work and were able to garner different subscribers.

You’ve watched several solo videos that Senju posted and often gushed to her about it via message. The two of you were close and sometimes she would even include you and her other friends in one of her ‘daily Vlogs’. She was very sweet and kind, unlike his older brother that you couldn’t stand.

Later that night, you were too engulfed in your assignments that the loud sound of your phone vibrating against the desk almost made you jump out of your seat. It was already one o’clock in the morning and the only person who would possibly be texting you at this hour was Mikey. That man’s sleeping schedule was all over the place—to which he would blame his choice of degree, engineering.

You mindlessly patted around your desk for the device while reading a passage for the pre-lecture readings, your eyes never leaving the paragraph. After several attempts to reach for your phone, you finally found it and brought the screen closer to your face, eyes scanning for the recent notification.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t from Manjiro.

It was from Haruchiyo, ‘i wasn’t talking about women from my youtube subscribers btw.’

Your brows knitted at the text, what the hell did he even mean by that? Your eyes scanned the sentence once, twice, thrice but you were still lost. Huffing, you set your phone face down and decided to leave his message unopened and unreplied, you weren’t going to waste your time and energy on something you couldn’t understand, especially if it came from one Haruchiyo Akashi.

Since it was already getting late, you decided it was best to wrap up your assignment and head over to bed but you weren’t exactly going to sleep yet. No, the night had just begun. You’ve had a very stressful week full of due dates and new assignments that you barely had time to take care of yourself, and therefore needed to release all the pent up stress and emotions that accumulated throughout the week.

You knew just the perfect way to find a release.

Grabbing your laptop off the desk, you set the device on the mattress of your bed and typed the url of a certain website on a keyboard. You’ve never really told anyone about this but you’ve grown fond of a certain someone in this particular streaming website, someone who helped you with your deepest sexual fantasies and he was damn good at doing it.

You place your middle finger on the trackpad, smoothly gliding it around to navigate the cursor through the website and clicking on the profile you’ve been subscribed to for quite a while now. You knew your friends would probably tease you for getting off to some man behind the lens—especially Haruchiyo who liked to make fun of your single ass but you didn’t care, it’s not like they were going to find out.

God forbid them from finding out, especially that insufferable rosy haired idiot that took a liking to annoying the fuck out of you for days on end.

If Haruchiyo somewhat got a hold of this information, he would never live it down—it was a fact. You’d have to live with the fact that he’s able to torment you for months, trailing behind you and letting you know about your dirty little secret.

Oh, you’d scour the world just to find his dirty little secret.

SANZU. You clicked on the profile, the name in white capitalised letters that beckoned you. Begging to be explored and seen.

You didn’t know who this man was but fuck, he was hot. The sounds that leave his lips as he pleasures himself in many different ways practically had you drenched and clenching around your fingers. In some videos, he’d be edging himself; he would be sitting on his queen-sized bed, all exposed and covered in a sheen of sweat as his hand desperately pumped up and down his hard cock. Loud whines leaving his chest as his hips bucked up with need, his free hand gripping the soft sheets under him, turning his knuckles white.

The way his abdomen would contract and limbs stiffening as he topples over the edge was definitely a sight to see. He’d let out these delicious loud moans laced with endless profanities as his hand clenched around his dick. Thick cum spurting out of his pink tip, making a wonderful white sticky mess on his stomach and thighs as he trembles ever so slightly.

The angle of the camera gave all his subscribers a perfect view of his torso, thighs, and everything in between. Of course, he kept his face out of view for such reasons but it somewhat made his videos even sexier, the way his head was cut from the frame left his viewers wanting more. His cock was the prettiest you’ve ever seen—a deep shade of pink, he wasn’t too thick but his length made up for it; his dick had a slight curve to the left and an evident vein that ran on the underside of it. God, the things you’d do just to run your tongue along that line.

Mysterious yet sexy, that was how many perceived this man—Sanzu.

You relaxed against the headboard, legs spread out, fluffy pillows supporting your lower back as you clicked on his most recent upload. 10 minutes ago. It read on the blurb at the bottom of the thumbnail, it wasn’t a long video as indicated on the timestamp but you were grateful, nonetheless.

‘Missing her’ hours. The title read.

He was in the same environment just like in his other videos, in his room and on the bed. His body was illuminated by some kind of bright light from behind the camera, allowing a stark contrast of his naked body against the dim background. This time he had a new toy with him—a fleshlight. A glob of spit landed on his hard cock, one hand flying down to spread the slimy liquid all over his dick—also using the pre-cum from his pink tip. His free hand grabbed the flashlight resting on the bed and brought it close to his cock.

SANZU grabbed the base of his dick and slowly pushed the fleshlight down his tip that was still leaking pre-cum; the man let out a breathy moan as the head of his length disappeared within the toy, his back slightly arching and exposed chest pushing upwards at the familiar pleasure. Your mouth parted at this—shallow breaths slipped past your lips, your keen eyes fixed on the way he teased himself by just thrusting his tip in and out, hips desperately bucking up for more.

You could feel the familiar sensation grow on your pussy, tingles spreading throughout your wet folds the further the video progressed. Tired of rubbing your thighs together and clenching on nothing, you slipped a hand past your joggers and massaged your folds through the thin fabric of your panties—a wet spot beginning to spread and soak the fabric.

The man on the video lets out a loud desperate moan as he pushes the fleshlight all the way, bottoming out; you could tell he threw his head back with the way his neck became taut. “Mhm…fuck! You’re so tight for me, huh?” He grunted, an evident strain in his tone. He stayed like that for a while, dick fully sheathed inside the sex toy as he shamelessly let out desperate pants, trying not to cum on the spot. Your mouth watered at the way his balls deliciously pressed against the base of the toy, so large and full.

Fuck, he was so aroused; your fingers pushed the soiled fabric aside and massaged your clit, legs slightly jerking at the intense pleasure jolting through your body, “Ah…! Yes, all for you…” you whispered in a breathy tone, head resting on the wall behind you while keeping your eyes on the bright screen of your laptop—mouth slightly parted, letting out shallow pants.

A small whimper leaves your lips as you push two fingers inside, free hand gripping your blanket at the sensation of your gummy walls stretching around your digits.

Another glob of spit lands on the base of his cock, and he pulls the fleshlight from his dick, earning a loud squelching noise at the way the toy firmly encases around his length. This time, he actually starts moving the fleshlight up and down, both hands firmly encased around the toy as he desperately rubs it against his dick. “Ngh—haah! Yeah? You like tha—ah! You like that? Mmph! You like it when I fuck you hard?” He moans.

His back arches at the pleasure, the bright light behind his camera shining the thin layer of sweat on his exposed chest. Loud and repeated wet squelching sounds along with his desperate pants emitted from your laptop which went straight down to your wet cunt. The crown of your head rubbed against the wall as you tilted your chin up, a moan forcibly making its way out—pleasure engulfing your whole body.

“Mhm—ah! Yes! I love it when you fuck me hard!” You responded to the video before letting out a long high pitched moan.

Your fingers thrusted in and out of your sopping cunt, making the same noises as the video did; you brought your free hand up to your face and bit on the sleeve of your hoodie, moaning against it as you clenched your eyes shut. You had no roommate to possibly hear your moans but you couldn’t trust the dormitory walls enough that the neighbouring rooms wouldn’t be able to hear you. You could feel yourself cumming soon—your hand and wrist were slowly getting tired from the fast repetitive movements but you couldn’t stop now, not when you were so near that you couldn’t feel your legs anymore—toes curling and feet digging deeper into the mattress.

Strands of hair were now sticking to your neck and forehead as a light layer of sweat covered your whole body, the room suddenly felt a couple of degrees hotter but you couldn’t care less. All you could focus on at the moment was the pace of your hand and the loud erotic moans coming from your laptop. “Aah—fuck! Why don’t you cum around this dick like the good girl you are? Huh?—ah shit!” He grunted, moans becoming shorter and high pitched which suggested he was close.

Something about him talking dirty to an inanimate object made you clench harder around your fingers; if he was already spewing that much filth to an object, imagine what he would be like with a person. Oh, the things you’d do just to hear him whisper nasty things in your ear as he pounds into you.

“Come on… let’s hear those—haah! Let’s hear those pretty sounds.” As if he was talking to you, you removed your arm from your face, a string of loud high pitched moans immediately rolling out your mouth, like it was begging to be let out.

The man in the video quickly changed positions, he was on his hands and knees—legs opened wide as he held the sex toy against the bed, desperately thrusting into it like it was the real thing. His bed squeaked with every sharp thrust of his hips, back hunched over the mattress; you could see the way every muscle in his body popped along with his movements, god, it was so fucking hot.

It also didn’t help with the way he looked so desperate, rutting into the little sex toy like his life depended on it and the string of profanities that came out of his dirty mouth. Your eyes fixed on where his cock quickly thrusted in and out of the fleshlight, imagining that it was you who he hungrily fucked into.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m cumming! Cum with me, baby—ngh!” Short frequent whines that were in tune with his sharp thrusts left his lips. That was all it took for you to reach your orgasm, the familiar feeling at the pit of your stomach suddenly bursts up through your spine and down to your legs—your whole body becoming rigid as you came around your fingers, back arching and lips forming an ‘o’ shape but no sound came out.

You tried your best to keep your eyes open and stare at the man on the screen, he had his cock fully sheathed inside the toy, pulling out only by a small amount and quickly thrusting back in to ride out his orgasm. His body became taut with pleasure, his free hand gripping the sheets under him as his thick cum spilled out from the fleshlight—this time the squelching sounds were much louder from the big load he had produced. “Mhm—aah! Fuck yeah… take all of it, princess.” He panted out, hips still thrusting into the sex toy.

Closing your eyes, you let out desperate pants, suddenly you were hyper aware of your surroundings—the way your hair stuck to your neck and forehead, the sudden humidity of the room, the gross feeling of your clothes rubbing against your sweaty body, and the way your soiled panties clung to you.

You let out a groan because the urge to take a bath was stronger than ever, and you also had to change your sheets since you felt icky. It was almost quarter to two in the morning but you didn’t mind taking a hot bath and doing some laundry at this hour, even if it meant sacrificing some of your sleep.

“Why didn’t you answer my text last night?” You looked up from your steaming noodles and gave Haruchiyo a blank stare, you could already feel annoyance bubbling up from your stomach—his aquamarine gaze already on you, a mysterious glint. “I could care less about your text. Plus, why’d you even text me in the first place?” It was now Haruchiyo’s turn to shrug and you swore there was a slight tint of pink that dusted his cheeks but you paid no mind to it, it was probably because of the hot food that occupied the table.

“You guys were texting last night? That’s new.” Mikey—who sat across you—darted his eyes between you and Haruchiyo, brows shooting up his forehead before exchanging a look with the man who sat next to you—Keisuke. “No, we weren’t. He texted me and I didn’t respond.” You rolled your eyes and got back to eating. You knew that look they shared between them, they always did that and you knew it was probably just to tease you because you didn’t get along with Haruchiyo.

Haruchiyo let out an exaggerated sigh and leaned back against his seat, placing his hands behind his head, “You know, I was up all night waiting for your text. I’m hurt.” God, you wanted to smack that look off his face. Before you could retort, last night’s events ran through your mind, your cheeks warmed at your late night activities which caused you to struggle to think of a response.

You blinked, ears turning red and not knowing what to say to him—remembering how the man’s hips desperately rutted against the fleshlight, soft whimpers that left his lips like music to your ears, the way his legs trembled as he came inside the toy. He was so hot. You rubbed your legs at the thought of him, hands slightly balling into fists.

That man had you wrapped around his finger—like many other women subscribed to him. The worst part was, you didn’t even know him and he was already doing all kinds of things to you without laying a single hand on your body.

Fuck, if you saw him in person, you would be fucking him on sight.

The rosy-haired man tilted his head to the side, a sly grin making its way on his face, “What? Cat got your tongue?” Being brought back from your trance, you slightly shook your head and rolled your eyes at Haruchiyo—he didn’t miss the way your face turned a tad bit crimson. Cute. You glared at him, all the lust in your system suddenly being drained away and replaced with annoyance, god, you’d trade Haruchiyo for that man anyday.

As usual, you bit your tongue from saying anything that would escalate the conversation and ignored him instead but your face gave away your mood—your brows tightly knitted together, lips turning into a scowl and eyes turning dark with a glare.

You just couldn’t stand him.

Haruchiyo acted like you two were close, he acted like you were okay with him making fun of you, he acted like you were friends with him. He was completely insufferable. Every time you see him, your jaw tightens and annoyance bubbles up from within your stomach, hands automatically clenching into fists.

His presence annoyed you. It made you want to pull all your hair out.

“What were you even doing last night?” Keisuke asked Haruchiyo, changing the topic, he sensed the change in your demeanour. You couldn’t really rant to Mikey about your pent up anger over Haruchiyo, so Keisuke got the other end of it—unfortunately but at least he’s nice enough to listen to all your rants, no matter how childish they get.

Keisuke loves you and Haruchiyo both and he doesn’t take any sides because he thinks it’s just petty. A big misunderstanding between the two of you, and he’s told you that; he wasn’t afraid to let you know that maybe you were just misunderstanding Haruchiyo.

Give him a chance. He said one time. Whatever that meant.

And you really did try your best, you tried to be open about a possible friendship with Haruchiyo but every single time, he’d make you remember why you didn’t want one. You always found yourself making snarky comments instead of friendly ones; you were both at different ends of the spectrum, far away from one another.

Maybe it was because you two just didn’t click—completely different personalities. Or maybe you just couldn’t understand your emotions that well, you were never one to perceive emotions and feelings easily, which is why you’ve become completely oblivious to people that had shown an interest in you in the past.

All these complex feelings inside you would just come out as a big mess and all you could really project was annoyance and anger—something that wasn’t pleasant. After all, these were the feelings you were most acquainted with.

Human emotions in a nutshell.

Haruchiyo snorted, you could still feel his turquoise gaze on you while you ate, “Oh, y’know, just…stuff.” he leaned over the table and grabbed his phone, mindlessly typing away with a smug smile on his face. “Anyway, I have to go. Senju and I are preparing for another content, you guys should definitely anticipate it!” He jumped up from his seat, bidding goodbye to all of you before going.

It was already late in the afternoon and you decided to spend it by lazing around your dorm and being practically glued to your bed but it was fine, it was the weekend anyway. You were currently online shopping, browsing over clothes that you knew you didn’t need or accessories that weren’t necessary but it was nice to look at them. You had several tabs open on your laptop and you noticed one tab blinking with a notification, it was last night’s tab.

You mentally face palmed yourself for being so careless and not closing the tab. It wasn’t like anyone was going to go through your laptop but Mikey would sometimes borrow yours for a short period of time when his one would be acting up. Thanking the heavens for Mikey not borrowing yours today, you clicked on the tab and saw that SANZU had posted a status.

‘Will be going live in a few! Stay tuned for something spicy ;)’

You quickly sat up from your bed, laptop slowly sliding off your stomach. Wow, I’m being treated today, aren’t I? You thought. Thanking the universe once again for treating you nicely today, you set your laptop in front of you and clicked on the link provided on his status.

The video was still black which indicated the livestream was yet to start, so you patiently sat there and waited for it to start. You’ve watched some of his livestreams in the past and it did not disappoint. He would do what his subscribers asked him to do—edging? Not a problem. A sex toy? He’d pull out his stash. Dirty talking? He’d open his mouth in an instant.

It was a pretty sight to see. A submissive man who’d do practically anything.

Some would even send him money—lots of it—to moan out their name as he pleasures himself but you were more the quiet type of watcher who just enjoyed the view. Plus, you didn’t even have that much money to spend for some man to moan out your name, as tempting as it sounded.

You did comment from time to time, though, as embarrassing as it sounds, you would always call him a ‘good boy’—a pet name he had grown to love. But that was about it, your mind blanked whenever you tried to come up with something for him to do.

After a couple of minutes later, the black screen finally disappeared and showed him in his usual set up—he was clothed but he didn’t wear a shirt underneath his leather jacket. What a tease. Though, it complimented his fair skin really well, making his abdomen stand out more for his viewers.

God, black looked so good on him…but you would’ve looked better on him if you were being honest.

Before you could settle and make yourself comfortable on the mattress, a switch turned on in your head which caused you to study the leather jacket a little harder. It looked familiar. Too familiar for your liking.

You tuned out everything that he was saying to his live viewers and furrowed your brows, eyes squinting and body leaning closer to the LCD screen—you didn’t know why but your heart started to race, you felt like you were about to discover something forbidden, something you didn’t like.

That leather jacket was the same one Haruchiyo was wearing earlier today at the brunch.

“No way…” you whispered to yourself, hand resting on your chin as your eyes widened. Different thoughts raced through your mind but you tried to counter each one of them—surely they just happened to have the same jacket, right? Leather jackets are popular at the moment, of course. You convinced yourself that. Plus, Haruchiyo literally said he was going to prepare for a video with Senju, so he can’t be doing this livestream.

A sudden realisation hit you, you could just call Senju and she’d probably say that his older brother was with her! You were probably just over analysing all of this because of a stupid jacket. Just because the man you’ve been getting off to had the same jacket as Haruchiyo doesn’t exactly mean they could be the same person.

There was a slim chance.

Haruchiyo has worn that leather jacket several times in their videos, even thanking the retail brand that gave it to him as a gift. Who knows? Maybe SANZU was a fan of the Akashi siblings and probably got the same jacket as Haruchiyo because he found it nice.

Grabbing your phone, you scrolled down your contacts and called the youngest Akashi sibling, wasting no time. It rang for a couple of seconds before Senju picked up,

“Hey! What’s up?” “Hey! I hope I didn’t interrupt or anything, are you busy at the moment?” You gnawed at your bottom lip, nerves becoming uneasy at the thought of Haruchiyo possibly being SANZU. The loud background noise on the other side of the call indicated that Senju was outside and you got a sinking feeling that you weren’t going to like where this was going.

Your stomach sank at the next few words that came from her lips, “Not really! I’m at Harajuku right now, just shopping for some clothes. The usual.” She giggled into the phone, normally, you would’ve reciprocated her giggle and joked about not taking you with her but you didn’t. You sat on your bed looking at the screen of your laptop—that still showed SANZU—unmoving and unsure of what to do next.

Haruchiyo said he was going to prepare for a video with Senju but she was clearly out at the moment and didn’t say anything about releasing new content for their channel.

“T-that’s exciting! Are you alone?” You tried to sound enthusiastic but couldn’t bring yourself to be. Maybe Haruchiyo was with her all along, she usually had company while shopping anyway—someone to carry bags full of clothes and accessories for her. Yeah, that’s right. He was probably with her.

Senju sighed, “Ah, no, I had to go alone today. Haru said he was busy with something. I don’t really know what since he didn’t specify.” That was all it took for you to mentally punch yourself, maybe the universe wasn’t on your side today. Just the thought of you getting off to SANZU’s videos who could possibly be Haruchiyo all along was embarrassing. Completely embarrassing.

You exchanged a few more words with her before bidding goodbye which left you sitting in your bed in silence, eyes glued on SANZU—who had already discarded his leather jacket. You watched him. Suddenly his voice started sounding familiar, just like Haruchiyo but you kept denying it. You couldn’t accept the fact that maybe he was SANZU.

There was only one way to truly find out.

You scrolled up to find Haruchiyo’s contact, thumb hovering over your screen as you decided whether or not to go through with this. What if you just let your imagination run wild instead? Let yourself wonder if it was Haruchiyo or not. Why did you even have to know in the first place?—

Oh. That’s right.

An idea popped into your head. Maybe you have found his dirty little secret, maybe you could use this as leverage over him.

A small smile crept upon your lips as you dialled his contact, maybe this wasn’t as bad as it seemed. As your phone rang, your eyes darted over to the livestream, waiting for Haruchiyo’s phone to ring.

And it did.

You didn’t know whether to be happy about this because you finally had some kind of leverage over him or be embarrassed about the fact that you’ve been getting off to his videos. Haruchiyo’s videos. The same person who pissed you off without fail.

You watched as he abruptly stopped what he was doing and reached for his phone behind the camera, black painted nails encasing around the little device. “Sorry, guys. I’ll have to answer this real quick.” He quickly slipped out of the frame and out of his room, you presumed since you heard the door open and close.

Fuck. So he was SANZU.

“Hmm? What’s got you callin’ me, baby?” He used the same tone in his videos, the one that had you soaked with your own slick, the one that had you rubbing your thighs together. You closed your eyes, trying not to let his voice affect you in any way—normally, you would’ve rolled your eyes at him and the pet name but you didn’t.

The pet name felt different. It brought a shudder down your back.

You huffed, “Are you busy?” As much as you’d hate to invite him over to your dorm, you wanted to let him know about your recent discovery, maybe with this, you could finally get him to stop with his silly antics and desperate attempts at trying to annoy the fuck out of you.

You didn’t have to see his face to know that Haruchiyo was smiling from ear to ear, “Oh? And what’s got your pretty head curious about me?” You clenched your fists, there he goes with that tone again. You were hating every bit of this phone call because you didn’t want to admit how much his voice affected you—how your cunt tingled ever so slightly at it.

“Can you… can you come over? I have something for you.” A small smirk formed on your lips as you pushed down the lust that was slowly engulfing your whole body. If only Haruchiyo knew what was coming for him. “You? Inviting me over? What’s gotten into you, baby? Thought ya hated me. Hmm, but I’ll be there in an hour and a half… just have some things to take care of.” You nodded even though Haruchiyo couldn’t see and quickly ended the call, not being able to take any more of his voice.

It made you feel things.

Your eyes darted back to your laptop as you saw him walk back into the frame, apologising to his subscribers before returning to his activities. Sighing, you closed your laptop so you could gather your thoughts, you didn’t even feel like watching the livestream anymore because of this information.

The fact that you’ve been getting off to Haruchiyo practically fisting himself was embarrassing, you wanted the ground to just swallow you whole. No one knew about it, yes, but you couldn’t bear the thought of THE Haruchiyo Akashi being able to make you that wet without laying a single finger on you.

It was embarrassing and wrong. You thirsted over someone you didn’t like, someone that had your blood boiling within seconds of being in his presence. Now you weren’t going to look at him the same anymore.

But underneath all that, something deep inside you was joyful that the person you’ve been thirsting for a long time was right under your nose. Haruchiyo was the man you’ve been fantasising about while you were alone in your room—the man who you wanted so bad to fuck you, to have his hands on you and his cock in you.

Waiting for Haruchiyo had you pacing back and forth, time was agonisingly slow and you were somewhat nervous, you didn’t know why but you were.

The time finally came when you heard knocks at your door, you practically lunged off your bed and to the entrance of your dorm which revealed Haruchiyo. You stared up at him, his long rosy hair loosely secured in a low ponytail—which some were sticking to his forehead from sweating, cheeks dusted pink like he had just ran a marathon and the same leather jacket around his shoulders.

“D’ya finally realise your undying love for me, or what?” He chuckled, a smirk plastered on his lips as you stood aside to let the man in.

It was weird.

It was weird to have him inside your dorm fully knowing what he’d been up to just a few hours ago. You couldn’t shake the vivid images burned into your mind, the images of him fisting his cock and the way he fucked the fleshlight last night. If you could punch yourself right now, you would definitely do it.

“No… but what I did find was…” you trailed off and took your phone out, hastily searching for his profile on the website. Haruchiyo raised a pink brow, confusion written all over his pretty face as he watched you tapping on your phone. “This.” You clicked on his profile and shoved your phone to his face, it was your turn to smirk, you couldn’t wait to see him begging not to tell anyone.

Maybe you would tell him to get on his knees and beg—

He was smirking. Why was he smirking? No, no, no, this isn’t supposed to be like this! He’s supposed to be shocked and confused, not smirking. Your smirk fell off your face as Haruchiyo’s eyes darted from the phone and over to you, no trace of shock evident on his features. Not even one. He was clearly unfazed by this.

“Tell me baby, do you watch them?” He was using that tone again. His smirk turned into a saccharine smile as he took a step closer, to which you responded by stepping back and amidst all this, you held each other’s gaze. Not one dared to break eye contact. “I-i…” you mentally facepalmed for stuttering and not finding the right words to respond with.

He tilted his head, raising a brow, “Hmm? I asked you a question.”

You sucked in a sharp breath. Fuck, he was supposed to be at your mercy, not the other way around. Now, he’s got you wrapped around his finger like SANZU did, well, after all, they are the same man.

Closing your eyes, you nodded. Heat spread from your cheeks and up to your ears as embarrassment slowly engulfed your whole body. This was not the outcome you wanted. “Look at my eyes while I’m talking to you.” He stated firmly which caused you to immediately open your eyes and meet his aquamarine gaze once again, something about the way he used his voice made you want to obey him.

You looked into his eyes, studying the intricate turquoise patterns on it—the deep shade of blue that outlined his irises, a slightly different intensity of the colour that you haven’t noticed until now.

Haruchiyo pushed strands of hair behind your ears before resting his palm on your cheek, thumb lightly ghosting over your bottom lip; he looked at your lips like it was his prized possession, like it held more value than his life.

“I really want to kiss you right now…” he whispered, eyes trailing upwards to meet your own. Your breath hitched at the way his touch burned into your skin—the good kind. You blinked up at him, heart pounding against your chest, “What’s stopping you, Haru?” Your voice came out light and airy. 

You didn’t know why you were acting this way. No, you did know why you were acting this way—it’s because Haruchiyo got you all wrapped around his finger, and you let him do it. The urge to fully submit to him and your feelings was slowly making itself known, it was an urge that you had deep down when you first discovered SANZU, and now that he’s here in flesh, there is no stopping you.

All the times you’ve fantasised about him, all the times you’ve thought about having his cock buried inside you, all the times you’ve wanted to be pinned down by him were slowly coming to you, and you didn’t know if you were able to keep up with it—with him.

Haruchiyo cursed under his breath at the nickname. Haru—the nickname he hears on a daily basis either from his friends and siblings. So why did his insides do a somersault when you said it? Why did his knees weaken a little at the name he hears every single day of the week? Fuck, it rolled off your tongue like it was made just for you, and only you.

He gave your bottom lip one last swipe with his thumb before leaning down and placing his lips on yours. Oh fuck, your lips were soft. Haruchiyo was gentle—there was a slight hesitation with the way his lips moved against yours, afraid yet desperate for the way your lips felt against his own, like he was testing the waters. After all, it was the very first kiss you two shared together and he wanted it to be perfect.

Haruchiyo swore he could see sparks fly as the kiss deepened, his knees buckled at the feeling of your soft, pillowy lips against his—his mind was spinning, he’d been waiting for this day ever since he laid eyes on you and oh, how worth it the wait was. His hand on your cheek tightened ever so slightly as he pushed head face closer to yours, he wanted more.

Suddenly, everything felt hot—burning. Your body felt like it was on fire with the way he kissed you with such passion; your hands found its way to the collar of his leather jacket, fingers clenching around the thick fabric, you couldn’t keep up with the way his lips moved with hunger. Groaning against his lips, you slightly pushed him away to catch your breath—swollen pink lips parted as your chest heaved up and down, trying to take as much air in as possible.

He leaned his forehead on yours as he panted, hot breaths mixing with each other’s as you two stood there in silence, trying to process what just happened. “I’ve been waiting for this ever since I met you… fuck, you drive me crazy, you know that?”

You bit your lip at his confession, butterflies forming in your stomach and knees almost buckling at it, “Just shut up and kiss me.” Cupping his face, you sealed the space between the two of you. This time, the kiss was rough, desperate, hungry, and Haruchiyo didn’t hesitate to match the movement of your lips.

You groaned as he bit and tugged at your bottom lip, hands flying up to his rosy hair and gripping the strands like your dear life depended on it. Amongst the messy kisses, the two of you found your way into your bedroom after messily stumbling through your dorm, hands flying up to the wall for support.

Haruchiyo broke the kiss and held your gaze, turquoise eyes hooded and filled with pure lust, “Are you sure you want this?” His index finger and thumb rested on your chin as he waited for your answer. You groaned, “Fuck, Haru, you don’t know how much I’ve fantasised about this… about you.” Haruchiyo sucked in a sharp breath, muttering a low curse before instructing you to strip everything down and sit on the floor to face your body length mirror.

Like the obedient girl you were, you did what he’d told you. Haruchiyo joined you a few seconds later, leather jacket and shirt discarded which left his dark jeans hanging around his thin waist.

He sat behind you, naked chest flushed against your back. Your cheeks heated at the way his eyes trailed every single dip of your body, the way his stare lingered on your chest before trailing down to your wet cunt, earning a small smile from him.

He placed his hands under your knees and spread your legs open, your wet cunt now fully exposed; Haruchiyo tangled his legs with yours, placing his feet at the inside, next to your own so you wouldn’t be able to shut your legs close once he started.

You watched yourself through the mirror, all exposed and at his mercy—his body looming over your figure, almost engulfing you with how broad he was.

“Tell me…” he started off, slender hands rubbing up and down your sides, causing goosebumps to form under his light and feathery touches, “…what do you think about when you watch my videos, hm?” He leans over you, lips dangerously close to your ear.

You let out a whine, resting your head on his shoulder as he starts massaging your breasts with his hands. Alternating between his index finger and thumb pinching at your nipples and squeezing your mounds; you swallowed thickly as you watched your breasts being fondled by Haruchiyo.

“Mhm—ah! I think about—fuck! I think about how good your cock would feel inside me…” you bit your lip at the tingling sensation on your chest, face turning crimson red as his hands worked on you. “Hmm? Naughty girl, aren’t we? Tell me more…” He bit the shell of your ear before placing wet kisses along your jaw and down your neck, earning another whine from you.

His hands snaked its way to your front, stopping at the inside of your thighs and sensually rubbing it. Fuck, he was so close yet so far to where you needed him the most. “Ngh—haah! Shit, Haru! I think of myself as the fleshlight you were—ah! You were fucking last night… Fuck, I wish I was the one you were fucking last night. Could give it to you so much—mhm! So much better than that measly sex toy.”

Haruchiyo pressed his fingers on your wet folds, earning a loud groan from you as he started rubbing them up and down, spreading the wet slick produced by your cunt, “Is that so? Well then, I’ll just have to test it out for myself, huh?” His fingers alternated between rubbing up and down your folds and massaging them in a circle—his ministrations caused you to produce more slick, and you watched as it rolled down onto the floor.

You let out a loud moan as one hand spread out your folds and the other inserted two slender fingers into your cunt. It was just what you expected, his fingers reached way deeper than yours did and it made your toes curl. You bit your lip at the sight in front of you, your legs tangled with one another while Haruchiyo had two fingers stuffed into your wet cunt.

Loud squelches broke the silence as he started mercilessly thrusting his fingers in and out, your juices coating his hands as it trailed down to his wrist, “Aah! Yes… right there, Haru!” You let out a high pitched moan, followed by a string of profanities as you threw your head back against his shoulder; your legs instinctively tried to close around his fingers but Haruchiyo had his legs tangled with yours, so the only option was to sit there and take it—all of it.

Your back arched at the sensation, chest protruding forward which caused Haruchiyo to grab one breast with his free hand and roughly massage it, cupping and tugging at the fat until it was swollen.

“Look at yourself while I’m fucking you with my fingers like this. Look at how you’re falling apart with just two fingers.” His free hand travelled up to your neck, firmly taking hold of it and forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror—to look at how fucked out you were, the way you hair stuck to your sweaty skin, the way your swollen lips parted for moans to escape, the way your face contorted with pleasure, the way your sopping cunt gladly took him in with every thrust of his fingers.

You bit your lip at the sight of you, all fucked out for Haruchiyo; nothing but a whimpering mess from his two fingers. The familiar bubbling in your stomach was slowly making its way up, you were so close.

Your hands flew up to his hand that held your neck in place as he started rubbing his palm against your clit, high pitched whines leaving your parted lips as you cried out his name. “Yeah? You close f’me, baby? Why don’t you be a good girl and cum around my fingers?” He whispered against your ear, goosebumps forming as his hot breath ghosted around your skin.

“Aah! I’m cumming, Haru!” Moaning loudly, your hands gripped his arms like a vice as you came around his fingers, legs trying to close around his hand and muscles becoming taut as pleasure engulfed your whole body. “Yeah, that’s it, princess. Good girl.” He moaned with you, trailing hot kisses down the side of your neck.

In the midst of it all, Haruchiyo whispered praises against your ear as he rubbed your clit to ride out your orgasm, causing your hands to fly down to his own and stop him from moving any more as you were becoming overstimulated.

You watched him as he pulled out his fingers from your cunt and brought it to his mouth, tongue licking a long stripe from his wrist, all the way to the tip of his fingers before inserting them into his mouth, all while holding eye contact with you through the mirror. You bit your lip as Haruchiyo moaned around his fingers, loud wet noises coming from his mouth while he sucked and licked his digits.

He let them go with a loud pop and smirked at you, “Get on the bed for me, baby.”

Haruchiyo helped you stand up from the floor, your legs wobbling a bit as the two of you made your way to your bed. Your head made contact with the pillows as you made yourself comfortable, Haruchiyo trailed after you, crawling up the bed and stopping just at the apex of your legs.

“Are you ready for me, baby?” You frantically nodded your head, your bottom lip trapped against your teeth. Your heart raced with anticipation, fuck, you’ve been waiting for this for such a long time, you couldn’t believe it was finally going to happen. 

He slipped out of his pants and underwear, cock springing free from its tight confines. You stared up at his hard cock in awe—it was so much longer in person. You also noticed the vein that ran on the underside of his cock, the one that you vowed to trace with your tongue, maybe next time.

Haruchiyo spread his pre-cum along his shaft, giving his hard cock a few pumps before hooking his hands on the back of your knees and pressing them against your chest so that your wet cunt was on full display, all for him. You whined as he teased the blunt tip of his cock up and down your wet folds, “Impatient, are we?” He chuckled before slowly pushing the tip in.

He hissed at the way you tightly hugged the head of his cock, one hand resting on your bent knee, trying to push down the feeling of wanting to cum right then and there, “Fuck! I always knew this pussy was going to be so tight for me.” Haruchiyo groaned as he pushed his cock further into you, eyes almost rolling back at how your tight, hot cunt sucked him in.

You bit your lip at the way his cock felt inside you, you felt so full and yet he wasn’t even all the way in, “Mhm! Haruuu, you feel so good..” Haruchiyo could only let out a breathy laugh at that, still trying his best not to cum—he grabbed the base of his cock, squeezing hard until the urge to cum slowly dissipated.

With this, he fully thrust himself into your sopping cunt, loudly moaning at how you clenched around him. He stayed sheathed inside you for a few seconds, hands resting on either of your knees and trying to catch his breath—his eyes were glued shut because he knew if he were to open them right this very moment, the urge to cum would come back in an instant.

You wiggled your hips impatiently and whined, trying to chase some kind of friction, “Haru, please move. I can take you.” Haruchiyo cursed under his breath, “Baby, don’t say things you don’t mean. You’ll be begging for mercy later.” He chuckled, before pulling out and slamming back in, earning a loud moan from you.

Your hands flew to the pillows underneath your head as Haruchiyo began thrusting at a fast pace, wet noises and skin slapping could be heart—he hooked his hands behind your knees and pressed them further into your chest, using it as leverage to thrust deeper into you.

He smirked at your state, you were nothing but a moaning mess, all fucked out for his cock that you badly craved. “Haah! Where’s all the snarky remarks now, huh? Shit! You say you don’t like me but look at you, such a slut for my dick—ngh!” You couldn’t even reply to any of his comments, not while he was dicking you down this good—the only things slipping past your lips were your desperate attempts of moaning Haruchiyo’s name out.

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Haru! Fuck..” your hands clenched around the pillows beneath your head as he thrusted harder which caused his heavy balls to violently slap against your ass, his low ponytail swinging with every thrust.

“That’s right, let everyone know who’s making you feel this good! Mhm, you are definitely much better than that measly fleshlight.” Haruchiyo threw his head back, letting out a deep groan coming from his chest. He would always fantasise about how tight you would feel around him, and you definitely didn’t disappoint.

With the way his blunt tip was repeatedly abusing your cervix, you could feel another orgasm creeping, “Fuck! I’m almost there—aah!” You shut your eyes closed and clenched around him one last time before cumming around his cock as the coil in your stomach finally snapped.

You let out a loud cry of his name, face contorting with pleasure and legs shaking against your chest as you creamed his cock, “Ah, yeah, that’s it baby…” He groaned, trying his best to thrust in and out with how tight you were clenching around him. Fuck, you looked so hot.

“Sit up f’me baby… take my cum.” You did as you were told, the ache between your legs still shooting sharp pleasure up your spine as Haruchiyo quickly pulled out and started desperately fisting his cock. He moaned at the sight of you, mouth open and ready to take his cum—that was enough for him to completely let go and let pleasure take over him.

Haruchiyo threw his head back, a loud shameless whine escaping his lips, hips rutting against his fist as he came—hot cum spurting all over your face and chest. He rubbed his cock up and down, milking out every last drop as he aimed for your open mouth.

“Good girl…” he panted, one hand resting on your cheek as you swallowed his cum.

The two of you laid down next to each other, staring up at the ceiling while trying to catch your breaths, “…Did you really mean what you said earlier? How you’ve been waiting to kiss me since we first met?” You croaked, turning your head over to the rosy haired man. He snorted, “Yes, I thought it was obvious?” He met your gaze, a small smile making its way to his lips.

Your brows knitted together, “No? I literally hated your guts.”

Haruchiyo sat up at this information, shock evident on his pretty face, “Wait. You hated me for real?” You nodded. He let out an obnoxious laugh, the one you’ve always hated but this time there wasn’t any hint of annoyance in your body, “I thought that was your way of flirting! That’s why I added fuel to the fire, god, I didn’t know you actually hated me.” He buried his face in his hands, embarrassment slowly swallowing him.

Now, you understood why Keisuke said it was just a whole misunderstanding between the two of you. It was a one-sided hatred.

“Oh my goodness, I don’t even know if you like me back— God, I’m such an idiot!” He mumbled against his palms, ears visibly turning red.

“I don’t… hate you. And I never said anything about not liking you back… it’s just that I really have a hard time understanding my emotions, so I resort to projecting anger at the wrong people.” You sat up, now feeling bad for him as you replayed the past with him—all the meaningless arguing.

Haruchiyo removed his hands from his face, “Is this your way of finally confessing your undying love for me?” Normally, you would’ve rolled your eyes with annoyance but this time, you did so with playfulness.

Everything suddenly dissipated, the pent up annoyance and anger, this time, you were actually willing to understand your emotions, for the sake of your future friendships—for the sake of Haruchiyo, because for him, you were willing to face your uncharted emotions and feelings.

And all those daggers and glares that you’ve been giving him for the past few months were suddenly replaced with Cupid’s arrow and heart eyes.

Maybe Haruchiyo Akashi wasn’t too bad at all.

© mitsuyeaah

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Tour de Richmond

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: Jamie gives you a tour of Richmond as well as gets to know you better. When you tell your cousin of his teammate's generosity, he suddenly becomes a bit hostile towards Jamie.

Meet Cousin McAdoo | Caffeine Crash

A/N: i looked up the bare minimum of the Richmond area. if anything is wrong, please let me know!

"So you've been around here, yeah?" Jamie asks, gesturing to the small shops that neighbors the cafe you were just at.

"A bit. Haven't really gone in any of these shops. But they're cute!"

"We can pop in a few if you'd like?" he suggests, pointing to a bookshop to your left.

"Another time."

Jamie shrugs, "Suit yourself."

He guides you away from the shops and towards, "The Richmond Green. The general gathering spot for people here. Kids like to play football here. There's sometimes cricket tournies here too."

You smile at the gathering of people scattered around the green acres. You see a small group of people doing yoga, three teens kicking a football around, people walking their dogs around. It's a very comforting atmosphere.

Jamie does his best not to be obvious about looking at you. He finds himself smiling to himself because you seem to find joy in the sights before you. He then turns to the view and realizes that he's never really enjoyed watching everything and everyone. He's always ran past them all during trainings and whatnot.

"Sorry, is it okay if we sit down and people watch for a little?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," he follows you to a bench where you both sit down.

You sit your drink and stare, "It's nice to just sit here and watch everything. I find it very calming. I don't get to do it much back home, though, always too busy with work and life."

"I don't think I've ever done this. I felt like I need to be on the go, ya know? Spend my time trying to get better, improvin' and all that."

You turn your attention to him, "You've never given yourself a break? What do you do during the off season? Don't you go on vacation?"

He shrugs, "I'm busy practicin'. I'll visit me mum and Simon sometimes, but they're doing their own travelin' a lot of the time," he nudges you with his shoulder, "What about you? Have you done any travelin'?"

"When my aunt married Isaac's uncle, that was the first time I travelled. They had a destination wedding in France. Wanted to be in the city of love and romance. That's where I met Isaac. We became really close through that trip. He's like my big brother. Always looking out for me." you take another sip of your drink and stand to your feet, "Okay. I'm ready to continue."

Jamie follows as you two continue to walk around the green. He points over in one direction, "Right there is the Richmond Palace. The Tudors lived there and some shit. Over there is the Richmond Theater. They do plays and stuff there."

You snort at Jamie's explanations, "Some tour guide you are! You're not going to give me a brief history on the town or these historic landmarks?" you give him a playful smirk.

He chuckles, "I'm sorry I didn't do me homework before offerin' you a tour. Here," he pulls out his phone, quickly typing something and clearing his throat, "Richmond was founded following King Henry VII's building in the 16th century of Richmond Palace.  The town and palace became particularly associated with Queen Elizabeth I , who spent her last days there," he lowers his phone down, smirking at you, "Better?"

You giggle, "You're funny. Are all of Isaac's teammates like you?"

"Nah. I'm the best outta all of them. I'm the funniest, best lookin'-"

"Most humble," you add with jest.

Jamie's smiling at you. He enjoys your company. He feels at ease around you and he's only spent maybe an hour in your presence. He likes this little back and forth you and he seem to be doing. It's nice. It's fun. Maybe-

A ringing comes from your bag and you swiftly pull your phone out, answering, "Good morning, sleepy head...I woke up early and thought I'd grab a coffee," you roll your eyes, "Don't be dramatic, Isaac, I'm an adult. I can handle myself...I'm not alone. Jamie." you sigh, "Yes, Jamie Tartt. Hold on," you pull the phone away from you and hold it out to Jamie, "He wants confirmation I'm really with you?"

Jamie takes the phone and presses it to his ear, "Yeah, what's good, man?"

"You better keep her safe, bruv. If anything happens to her-"

"Oi! Chill man! We're just walking around the fuckin' park."

"I'm serious, Jamie."

"We'll be fine. She's a grown adult, man. Let her be," he hands the phone back to you.

"If you're going to be like this my entire visit, I'm getting a hotel, Isaac...yes, I'm serious! ...again, I can handle myself. I'll see you soon. Bye!" you immediately end the call and take a long sip from your coffee.

"I get he loves you and all, but Jesus. I can practically see that vein in his head ready to pop out."

You burst out laughing, "I know exactly what you're talking about! Also the way he frowns when he's all serious. Like," you do your best impression of Isaac frowning and Jamie laughs, "That's pretty good."

"Thanks," you reply with a smile, "I'm sorry about Isaac, by the way. Like I said, he's like my big brother and he sometimes takes the role too seriously. But he means well."

"I know. He's a good guy."

Another hour goes by of you and Jamie chatting, him occasionally pointing out some other Richmond landmarks. It was a very pleasant morning spent. He walked you all the way back to Isaac's.

"Thank you, Jamie. This morning was fun."

"I'm glad. Sorry again for crashin' into ya like that."

You shrug, "It's okay. It led to a fun little adventure with you."

Jamie slowly backs away from you, "See ya around."

"See ya!" you wave as he's lightly jogging down the street. You continue to watch him as he fades from view. There's a little fluttering in your chest and you feel a bit giddy.

You open the door to Isaac's and you yelp in surprise as he's standing there, arms over his chest, looking very stern.

"Uh, hi?"

"Did Jamie try anything?"

"What? No! He just gave me a tour of the town!"

"So he didn't try to kiss you or nothin'?"

You roll your eyes, "Nothing happened, Isaac. And if something did, it's none of your business! Besides, I thought you said Jamie is a better person now."

"Doesn't mean he can date you."

"Whatever," you pass him and head to the kitchen to make yourself a snack.

[beelzebuddy-catan]

Obey Me Headcanons - Part 4

Mammon became luckier when the exchange program started. Not because of MC but because of Luke.

Satan is in an improv group but if you ask no he isn't.

Asmo gives people he's modelling with backhanded compliments to throw them off their game. Of course he'll look better but you can never be too sure. Right?

All of the brothers, except Satan sleep with lights on because they can't fall asleep in full darkness after living in the Celestial Realm.

Beel can't tie a tie. Satan tied his once and now he just loosens and tightens it.

Belphie can't tie his shoes. They're either Velcro, slip on, or untied.

He will never admit it.

Which is why he buys lace up shoes and just tells people he's too tired to tie them.

Levi wears heelies religiously and will just zoom out of the room when he's had enough.

Simeon pronounces lmao like LUH-Mayo but nobody will correct him.

Once in a fight when Satan was getting pissed™, MC turned to walk away and he said something under his breath.

MC spun around and slapped him.

It happened so fast he immediately snapped out of his rage fit from surprise and started laughing.

MC sells Mammon's stuff that he's forgotten about (you know he's got storage lockers full of things he doesn't even remember buying).

They save it for when he asks for money and pretends to loan it to him, know he won't pay them back.

MC has said "oh I thought you were the Avatar of ____, not the avatar of being a bitch ass" to at least one of the brothers.

Mammon was fucking around and chased some baby geese only for the mom to beat the shit out of him.

If Lilith had fallen with the brothers and become a demon, her sin would have been wrath.

Any being that can see ghosts/spirits can catch glimpses of her having violent reactions to coinciding with Satan's if he gets mad.

When MC drinks too much and needs someone to pick them up, they voice text Mammon asking for him to come.

Except half way through they always go: oh never mind Solomon just walked in. I'll just have a sleep over with him.

Mammon is ALWAYS there faster than a pizza delivery guy promising 20 minutes or less or a free pizza.

While Levi had his nickname long before Satan, it only really became commonplace when Satan was young because he couldn't pronounce the TH in leviathan.

Asmo can't French braid his hair, it always turns out as a Dutch braid.

Levi, however, is amazing at all different types of braids, so now he has to braid Asmo's hair

Diavolo thinks the funniest joke he's ever heard is the updog joke.

Mammon has gotten tricked into several multi level marketing scams.

He tries unsuccessfully to get his brothers to join each time.

Solomon started one just to mess with him.

It's the only time Mammon has been successful at it.

[joyflameball]

No but the Stanley Parable's method of making sure no one ever goes "WHEN ARE YOU MAKING MORE CONTENT" is objectively the funniest possible method. Ultra Deluxe is, in its entirety, a complete deconstruction of shitty sequels made only for more #content. You go through an ending where the Narrator pretty much looks into the camera and goes "Yeah maybe chaining myself to one story forever because fans consider it my best work was a bad idea and I should move on to other creative works and actually grow as an artist and person instead of dragging this series's dead weight forwards. Maybe letting go of a story when it's said what it needs to and had its run is healthy and good for me actually." And then you enter the epilogue where a character whose backstory is "their job was so shitty they became the fabric of the universe" is like "No you know what? FUCK the sanctity of the series. Let's make MORE Stanley Parable. We need MORE of this shit. Let's make an INFINITE amount of games. I will make The Stanley Parable 3 RIGHT now. Make a funny subtitle for it. I will add 3 to the end of this game you're currently playing. Nothing else will change except you can get an achievement now, which will make the Narrator really scared. Let's run this series into the GROUND." This does literally nothing except every time you boot up the game the number of "games" goes up by one and the background art changes (one of which involves twink adventure line) and you make a funny subtitle for the game. Objectively hilarious. What the fuck

[meraki-raven333]

{☆ Random Obey Me Headcanons ☆}

Brothers Edition !!

Lucifer LOVES raisins. He's unnaturally obsessed with them. This greatly unsettles Diavolo, who hates them with a burning passion. (Sometimes when Diavolo isn't doing his work or he's annoying Lucifer, Lucifer will threaten to eat raisins in front of him).

Mammon is like really good at sculpting? He sucks ass at any other form of art but for some reason he's extremely talented in working with clay. Makes a decent profit off of it. (He gifted his first piece to Lucifer, who has it displayed in his room.)

One time Belphie farted really loud in his sleep and scared himself awake. Beel has never let him live it down.

Luke thinks spiders are cool. One time he found a spider at RAD and chased Mammon around with it (Mammon is terrified of spiders) as revenge for calling him a Chihuahua.

Simeon's true laugh is one of those laughs that isn't cute but is incredibly contagious and sounds funny. Everytime he starts really laughing Solomon loses his shit and starts laughing with him. Solomon has a wheeze laugh, which Simeon thinks is hilarious. They have to be separated or else they'll laugh each other to death.

One time a rat managed to sneak into Lord Diavolo's Castle and it appeared when Barbatos was giving Diavolo his morning tea. Barbatos let out the most high pitched girly scream and dropped the tea all over the floor and Diavolo, shattering the dishes. Diavolo didn't stop laughing for days. Barbatos is haunted by it this day.

Levi introduced Satan into FNAF and he became a hardcore Theorist. He thinks the games are fun to play but stuck around for the interesting but confusing lore. Sometimes stays up late at his computer researching it.

Asmo LOVES plushies. His whole room is filled with plushies of various sizes and colors. Went apeshit when he found out Squishmallows exist.

Levi is really good at dancing, he just doesn't have the confidence for it. One time Mammon went to go tell him dinner was ready when he was dancing and scared him. Levi screamed in fear, which scared Mammon and made him scream in fear. They both got scolded by Lucifer for being loud.

MC introduced Mammon into SpongeBob and he loves it. He thinks it's the funniest show he's ever seen (the only right opinion) but he won't admit it to anyone. Watches it when he's feeling down.

Beel is actually a great cook, but he doesn't do it that often since he'll eat the ingredients before he finishes. He's never allowed to cook any meals except for just himself.

Beel and Belphie are immune to onions. Since Beel will end up eating the onion before cutting it, all the brothers wake up Belphie whenever a meal requires onions.

Asmo really likes Mac & Cheese. Not the well made kind, the shitty boxed kind you'd get at the grocery store. It's his comfort food.

Satan reads fanfiction in his freetime. He hides it in a secret book somewhere and would rather be skinned alive than one of his brothers find it (especially Lucifer.)

[bigdumbbambieyes]

so, i've been inspired by @intothedysphoria and wanted to write my own little positivity post for the people that i've connected with through this fandom!! 🤍

to start off, @intothedysphoria, thank you so much for being the shining light that you are in this fandom. it can be a dark place at times and your efforts towards being a positive person (even when it's hard for you) is truly admirable!

my bub, my best friend, @hephaestn!! I'll never forget the day I decided to DM you and be the annoying little shit that I am and our friendship was born!! you bring me so much joy on a daily basis and I know I can count on you to cheer me up when I need it, be a rational voice when I'm being a mean girl kfkjng and being such a talented writer that makes me feel the most incredible things!

god's funniest little clown @martianclown, you are my circus peanut and i adore you and our conversations so much! you are incredibly talented at what you do and you deserve only the best in life, thank you for allowing me to be your friend!

my sweet @akioukun, you are like the sun with the way I can turn to you and you immediately warm me and make me smile. your talent and musing are unmatched and you are such a delight, I admire you greatly and appreciate you sm!

the best co-captain around, @thatgirlwithasquid, thank you for always being you and for giving me the best cunningway content I could ever ask for, you have inspired me in so many ways and I appreciate your friendship w me!

my fellow Canadian, @chrisbitchtree, thank you for being the world's best beta reader and such an amazing person, I appreciate you more than you know! your writing is so sweet and I admire it and you so much, you've put a smile on my face when I've needed it!

@starkstruck27 you have sent me numerous asks saying the sweetest things, you continue to make my day whenever you do - you are so incredibly sweet and I appreciate you so much!

my hilarious moot @harringroveera, you have made me laugh with your memes time and time again, and you've inspired some of my writing with them, too!! I can always count on you to put a smile on my face, so I thank you so much for that.

the equally hilarious @shieldofiron, your memes and posts have delighted me for a very long time and I really appreciate you for that - I also deeply admire how you write such quality fics so quickly, I am truly in awe of you and your talent. I also must personally thank you for getting me into munver lol!

@dragonflylady77, you have always been so supportive of me from the beginning and I must thank you a million times over! you always have something nice to say about everyone and I truly believe that without you, this community wouldn't be the same.

the talented @adelacreations, you are such a generous and passionate person, I admire you and your art and your writing!! your creativity is also something I very much admire, please keep being your lovely self!

@spaceofentropy thank you for always saying such kind things about my writing, you are so lovely and I adore you so much!! I still remember that time I was feeling really down and you cheered me up, I hold that moment close to my heart.

hi @discodeviant you are so incredibly talented and I still adore the prom ficlet you wrote for me all those weeks (months?) ago!! your writing is beautiful and I admire it and you sm, thank you for sharing it with us all!

@weird-an I continue to be in awe of your writing and I remember being 'new' to the fandom last year and just...having my jaw be on the floor every time I read one of your ficlets! I admire you greatly and hope that you continue to write forever and ever!

sweet @grey-sides, I know we don't talk much but when we do, I always enjoy it! your writing is phenomenal and I remember you were one of the first writers I came across when I really became active in the fandom last year! I adore you and your writing, please never stop making what makes you happy!

@femmebilly, hi honey, I miss you!! You are one of the first friends I made in this fandom and I still have such a soft spot for you! You've always been so supportive of me and everyone in this fandom and without you, it would be a darker place. Thank you for being my lovely friend.

@deedoop you will forever and always make me laugh with your posts and I've told you this many times but I simply MUST tell you again, lovely!! give Billy's jar a kiss for me and take one for yourself, too! thank you for being such an amazing person!

my darling @valsyngur, my Steve!! this must be so random for you lol but I just wanted to tell you that I really adore you very much and what we're creating together, and I admire the art you create! you are such a sweetheart and I'm glad to call you my friend!

the sweetest @applewillowstone, thank you for inviting me to your server and for being so kind! you are incredibly talented in so many ways and I am in awe of you!! thank you for sharing your talent with us!

@destroya2005, you have picked me up with your words far too many times and I am in debt to you because of it (in the best way)! you are too sweet and you are so loving, thank you so much for being you!

@passivenovember, whenever you reblog one of my posts, you ALWAYS make me laugh and it's such a small thing but it truly makes my day! Your writing is also incredible and I just wanted to appreciate you in this post!

the lovely @oopsiedaisiesbaby, your writing is amazing and I love our mutual love for Lana!! you always leave the most lovely comments on my fics and posts and I appreciate you so, so much!

@ratbastardbilly, hello, I don't believe we've ever spoken but I just need you to know that your art holds a special place in my heart! you are so incredibly talented and I admire you greatly!

my sweet @simplydes, I am so happy that we've become friends!! You are so insanely talented and I love that I can just message you with whatever crazy little musing or hc I have about our boys and you return that energy! Your art is some of the most lovely I've ever seen and speaks to me on another level, thank you so much for sharing it with us!

my newest friend @hellfirefucker, you are such a little gremlin and I adore you so!! Your talent is so clear and you only get better and better with each piece! Thank you for picking me, choosing me, loving me (lol), I admire your talent and you always make me laugh whenever we chat!! thank you thank you so much!

@robthegoodfellow thank you for being such a delight to talk to!! I will forever fondly remember our Yellowjackets discussions after every ep nkjfgnj I can't wait for S3 so we can do it all again! Thank you for being such a lovely person!

@ihni, your art and writing is some of the first I'd seen when I first started posting hg and I want to thank you for continuously putting a smile on my face with it!! you are very lovely and I admire you!

@wickedlydevious, you took me in like a stray kitten once and have been lovely ever since!! lol I know we don't speak much but when we do, you are always so lovely!! thank you for making my fandom experience so much better!

there are also dozens upon dozens of artists and writers and just people that are so amazing and have impacted me in the best of ways so I will tag them here! Please know that I adore what you create and am in constant awe of you (in fact, maybe a little intimidated 😳) @thediktatortot, @metalscoops, @wrecked-fuse, @billyharringson, @callieb, @dreaminginpencil, @kallisto-k, @makeadealwithdean, @whenyouwishuponastar7, @suspiciouslackofclowns, @aggressiveviking, @writer-in-theory, @lilkiwiboi42, @billysbuttcheeks (idk why it won't let me tag you!), @lemonhitsu, @saberghatz, @thewaywardkees

I also want to give a heartfelt thank you to every single person who has either liked or reblogged my posts or took the time to say something nice to me or my writing because I am just a girl who is writing about what makes her happy and if my writing makes you feel even just a little spark of something, I know I've done good!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

Bambi 🤍

[pansear-doodles]

its time i talk about the person who left a dent on me

the worst part of my trauma when it comes to it being connected to people i was once close with is that my perspective of what makes of them reminders of them (i do this to anyone im close with- whether it is a symbol or a certain appearance or trait or event)

little bit of serious talk here folks, so i apologize for the unexpected. hope you have the filters.

for most of my internet life, it was almost only me. completely unfiltered. came to deviantart first. became popular at an early age because of what i was doing in the fnaf fandom- it was not good for my mental health.

my groomer has a sona that never changes by design. he's always depicted as an orange fox with black long hair, black beanie and striped jacket. he likes fps games, especially the resident evil series- having associated me with Mia from resident evil 7. he likes fnaf (we met through fnaf... while i was like 14 i think- while he was 9 years older than me). he draws well... i guess. in pokemon form, he would be a jolteon. i would be a pansear. he would be the fox. i would be the rabbit.

as a child i was very impressionate, overly emotional, and cringe (ofc). i would be best friends with my groomer after finding out we shared many common interests and kept talking to each other about it- and then later fess up i have romantic feelings for him.

this would have been the opportunity for him to back up and say no.

but he didn't say no.

we continued off and became a couple. not many people batted an eye on how questionable it was for a 15 year old to be in a relationship with a 24 year old. almost nobody, save for a few concerned friends (and one stranger on Transformice) who i ignored unfortunately, talked it up with me to leave him. i held our relationship as a sort of defense mechanism. i relied on him to make me feel happy. i did a lot of things with him, and including those of the unsavory before i became of age. (i ever regret doing them- but how would i have known- i wasn't the adult here. he was.)

oh and have i mentioned he said the (un)iconic "you're pretty mature for your age." to me

you know whats one of the funniest weirdest shit about our relationship events was? he would show me this club penguin vid where there is a troll making crude remarks and harass someone (presumably a kid). that brotherman bill cp video. he would recite and memorize the song while blindfolded. ironic how he turns out to be in the end.

the wake up call was when he retweeted nsfw of an underage fictional character. seeing that purged my stomach.

yes. it was nsfw of a fictitious minor that was the nail to the coffin. nothing else. i was so delusioned. so troubled. i couldnt see anything else problematic until that happened.

it was so hard for me to let go of him. thankfully i had friends who comforted me and stuck with me through the whole way through. i was on my bed crying.

we've been in close contact for 5 years. i was convincing myself to stay on a doomed relationship because i didnt know what to do- i was already broken and unwell. i was very co-dependent (and i think some of those negative traits still follow me to this day- learning how to get out of that though). my groomer has left a large gap of my mind when we broke off- i revolved so much stuff around him.... and i forgot a lot of memories because of the trauma- taking even the happy unrelated to him ones with it.

i cared too much. and as someone who draws fast- you can imagine how much ive done.

my old files are infested with his likeness. i know i can just delete them but theres so much. so many. it is utterly revolting to see it all and the memories that come with it.

but as time went on, im starting to care less and less about what has happened between us. i am still traumatized of course and a lot of the negative things followed me, but i am healing somewhat and thats what matters i think. most of the things ive associated with him- the connection is fading. i have separated fnaf from him. i no longer associate orange foxes with him. i am comfortable drawing characters in black beanies.

if there is anything i should be grateful for, is that im no longer with him and im happier with someone else. im thankful for the friends who have helped me cope out of that shitfest.

if you know who this person is, i advise you not to witchhunt and harrass him. i dont know what hes doing and honestly i dont give a fuck on how he's doing. he should get help honestly. it is me, myself the victim, who has the say on the matter- and my say is to leave out of his sight.

if you are a minor and someone older than you does these similar things to you, please let your parents and friends know immediately. please be safe.

if my groomer ever reads this, somehow, then to him i say: i am not afraid of you and i do not care about you anymore.

thank you for reading.

[krystalskeleton]

1992.11.11 – RAW Magazine Interview with Izzy

Music

"Yeah, music is partially my saving grace. It's been part of my life every day of the week since I was a kid. It doesn't have to be a specific type of music, it can be any type because the whole of it takes you away from the mundane, every day sort of thing.

"Being on tour, I find it like a luxury item because when I'm on tour I don't have a big stereo, I have a Sony player that cost 50 bucks, it's mono and it has this tiny speaker. For the first couple of days I only had my walkman which is fine for airplanes, but otherwise they're a drag. I found myself looking in the window of these shops at these stereos and there was this one in Chicago which was four and a half feet long and three feet tall. It was this boom box with neon lights inside it. It was really freaky looking, but I ended up getting this small Sony because it would fit in my bag, it plays cassettes and it records so I can write songs on it too. I find that if I hear a stereo now, even if it's a PA at gigs and they're playing a tape, it's a luxury and I really enjoy it."

Food

"Indian food and pizza are my favourites. I stopped eating meat a few years ago. I don't eat red meat or chicken, but I eat fish. I stopped eating meat shortly after I stopped drinking and using drugs. I think it was a case of wanting to heal myself a little quicker rather than objecting to meat, plus there were some cases on the West Coast where people were dying after they'd eaten bad meat. I'm big on salads. Salads in America are just a couple of bits of dead lettuce, but over here people are a bit more conscientious.

But Indian food and pizza are my favourites and that's why Chicago is like heaven to me because you can get a pizza delivered at 5am and it's damn good pizza. There's a place there called Mama Mia and they deliver all night long. They've got pizzas that are two inches thick with like a cracker crust with fresh tomatoes on top. "

Drink

"I like mango lassi and sweet lassi from Indian restaurants. My second would be fresh squeezed orange juice. Those are the only things I drink. I gave up drinking because I just had enough of waking up in my own vomit and not remembering who I was hanging out with the night before, getting arrested and all that stuff. Waking up in jail, and that sort of thing became old for me and I finally realised that I had to stop this and figure it all out. It wasn't easy and it took a while. I feel a lot better for not doing it."

Hate

"It's destructive in nature. Sometimes you can get angry, but it usually doesn't help fix anything. If I hate something I just get hung up on it and dwell on it. I find it easier to try and dismiss it. Otherwise it's extra baggage to be carrying around. You see hatred every day on the TV and some other places and that's enough for me, I don't need to live with it anymore."

Rock 'N' Roll

"It's that life blood. You can't put your finger on it. For me it's that other thing that only people who listen to it or love it know what it is. To the rest of the world though it probably doesn't mean shit!(laughs)

" The funniest thing I ever heard in Guns N Roses was from this guy in Canada called Gabe. God, he was hilarious! He said he saw something on English TV once that said no matter how many records Elton John sold in 1976, there were still 40 billion Chinese people that don't give a fuck and that rang so true to me- this was back in '86 so I've always kept it in mind. It's true. If you look at the globe and spin it and put your finger wherever it lands there's people there who don't know what Rock 'N' Roll is. For people who do love it, though, it's their whole life. For me it's very special.

" We used to have Rock 'N' Roll bands come to play at our house when I was a real young kid. My dad used to have these parties and me and my brothers were beer runners. The bands were always downstairs and I always hung out with them. When you're a kid and these guys would show to play stuff on the drums, it was great. They'd play stuff like (Credence Clearwater Revival's) 'Proud Mary'. I was lucky 'cos I got to grow up with that. I've been hooked on that ever since."

Drugs

"It's up to each person. It doesn't do any good to tell people not to do it. If people want to do 'em then they're gonna do 'em. All I can say is for myself they stopped being a good thing. It became a complete pain in the ass. It was destroying me as a person and I got to the point where I decided to give up. It wasn't like I didn't know 'cos you go through a peroid where you know you're tearing yourself up. I knew I had to stop or everything was gonna go down the tubes."

Sex

"It's pretty important, but to a lot of people it's hard to understand that it doesn't mean much unless you care about the person you're with. I'm lucky, 'cos I do."

Love

"It's a great thing. Everybody needs it and wants it. Life can be pretty bleak without it. I've got a German shepherd and I've had him since he was a puppy, ya' know. I bought him when he was just a twerp. He's three years old, he's healthy, he's big and he can run 40 miles an hour and he's great. I love my dog!

"I've had a steady girl for a few years and it's a great thing. Love makes life a lot easier."

Work

" I worked in a car wash when I was 15. I worked where the cars come out and you have to dry the cars off. In the winter time with the wind chill it can be 10 or 20 below zero, and that was real work getting up at five or six in the morning. It was cold and you've got these towels that are freezing and you're washing these fuckers off. Music is more something that you love to do so it doesn't seem like work. The thought of having to get a real job is difficult. I was never that good at keeping a straight job and getting enough money to do what I wanted to do. At the same time I had to work as a kid. If you gotta do it you do it.

" I've had different jobs. I worked in pizzerias and I actually enjoyed that. That was one job that didn't feel like work unless there was a gig or concert that I wanted to go to. In that case I'd leave work early anyway. I actually liked cooking pizzas, flipping the dough and stuff was cool.

"If I had to get another real job I would probably work in a pizzeria, or I'd work in the car wash and I'd be on the front end. The front end is where the guys would pump gas and vacuum the cars, and these guys were always the envy of everyone else who had it rough. This was back in the '70s when people would drive around with big joints in their cars. They'd smoke half a joint and leave the rest so that when one guy pulls up with half a joint in his ashtray, what happens to the joint? It ends up in the pocket of the guys who are up front who'd smoke them! I think I'd rather work in a pizza place though where it's warm and there's music."

Photo © Paul Jendrasiak, 1993

[motomam1]

MOTOMAMI | valeria's friends

series masterlist | navigation

author's note: this was the bane of my existence (hence why it took so long to post). summing up is not necessarily my strength.

― THE LA FRIEND GROUP

name: benito velasquez date of birth: june 26th, 1998 place of birth: east la, california occupation: pr manager friends since: childhood

Benito didn’t know who I was for the first few years of his childhood. Granted, I didn’t know about him either. It’s funny, really, how we grew up around the same neighbourhood surrounded by the same people and yet neither of us was aware of the other despite our similar age. He’d often hang out at Tía María’s place, more so than he did at his own home, right across the street where I lived. Tía María was a widowed woman who suffered the loss of her husband just recently at that time. She was happy to spoil the children around the neighbourhood since she couldn’t get any of her own. She was everyone’s aunty, parents oftentimes sending their children over to hers whenever it suited them. That’s how I met Benny before I started karting. My dad was occupied in his mechanics shop a lot, hence why I spent most of my time after school hanging out at Tía María’s place as well.

He was a genius when it came to everything social media. I never understood why he was so obsessed with Keeping up with the Kardashians, Britney Spears’ mental breakdown in 2007 and the downfall of Lindsay Lohan. I figured it was his thing just like my thing was racing. However, it wasn’t just a phase for him like many had said. He easily saw through various PR moves and could detect what’s true and what’s fake to deceive the public eye. Sometimes he’d tell me how he’d handle the different scandals if he was their PR manager. I admired him for his vast knowledge.

When I got discovered by Toto Wolff and sent off to further prove myself on the European Circuit, Benny was right behind me to discuss my media presence. It was funny at the beginning how easy it came to him to manage my social media accounts with me together, forming an image of me we both agreed on. I wanted to be as transparent as I was allowed to and he made sure to do exactly that. It didn’t take long for him to become my official PR manager.

name: tyler gregory okonma date of birth: march 6th, 1991 place of birth: hawthorne, california occupation: musician friends since: 2014/2015

Tyler was one of the funniest aspects of my teenagehood. It was during the Vine phase in 2014 when he’d often hang around my neighbourhood, collecting footage for his growing fanbase. I don’t remember exactly how we got to meet, it was more one of those friendships that developed over time by seeing each other often on the streets. He was one of the biggest jokers I had ever met, always making Benny and me laugh about the stupidest stuff. Tyler quickly became like a brother to me, one I had never had since I was an only child. Thankfully, my dad loved Tyler’s annoying ass as well. He’d always joke how Tyler was a lot to handle, but deep down you knew he was fond of the boy because he’d still custom design different parts for Tyler’s car collection.

Tyler would often drive me to my karting tournaments whenever dad didn’t have the time. He was one of my biggest supporters, yelling so loud from the sidelines I could hear his screams over the motor sounds and right through my thick helmet. Since I didn’t have a mom, Tyler acted like a mom on the track. Tyler can be saying the most out of pocket shit to embarrass me when I'm on the podium saying ‘SMILE FOR THE CAMERA HONEY’ but I appreciated him taking his time to come see me despite him gradually gaining more and more fame through his music. 

Tyler would still visit me often in Europe when I started to drive in Formula. I didn’t really fit into the crowd in Europe, so whenever he went overseas he’d make sure to stop by in Brackley. And let me tell you, when Toto first met Tyler he knew he would have this recurring headache for as long as I’m in Mercedes.

name: kali uchis date of birth: july 17, 1994 place of birth: alexandria, virginia occupation: musician friends since: 2018

Kali was the first female friend I had ever had. 

Of course I knew about her music before I met her in person. When I joined Tyler in the studio (he had to pick me up from the karting track beforehand), Kali and I instantly clicked. She was the sweetest soul I had ever met, immediately inviting me to join her in the booth, goofing around with Tyler, who loved to act all sassy with us girls. I wasn’t really musically talented, but it was exciting nevertheless to see the process and thoughts behind creating music.

She became somewhat like an older sister, one I could tell all my girl problems and share girly interests with. Call us chismosas if you want, but when things had gone down in our social circles it was like someone had died, it had to be spilled.

Kali was a graceful woman, one I looked up to a lot. She was confident, always dressed in designer clothes from head to toe and walked with such elegance. She was one of those people that immediately got everyone’s attention when entering a room.

Our bond went beyond friendship; it was a sisterhood, a connection that felt like fate had brought us together. Kali Uchis, my partner in crime and fashion, my confidante, and the ultimate queen of slay.

― THE UK FRIEND GROUP

name: andres felipé barrientos / yung filly date of birth: august 6, 1995 place of birth: cali, colombia occupation: youtuber friends since: 2022

I remember the exact moment where I met Filly for the first time. It was in Abu Dhabi 2022, the last race of my final season in Formula 2. I was close to winning the Formula 2 championship, only one more race to go to secure the title. I had distanced myself from my team to collect my thoughts beforehand, trying to get into the zone, when suddenly a voice came up behind me. 

I didn’t know who he was at that moment, I just remembered him sitting down next to me. ¿Oye hablas español? He randomly asked me. That is such a weird question to ask a stranger. I laughed out loud. Not going to lie, Filly can spot a latino from a mile away, which explains why he just sat right next to me like he just spawned into a game while I was having a midlife crisis . Apparently, Filly also didn’t know who I was when first meeting me. But he did a really good job to calm my nerves when noticing how nervous I was, giving me a pep talk after realising I was a driver and what situation I found myself in. To this day I like to joke around that without his pep talk I would’ve only driven half as good.

At the afterparty, I went to search for him in order to thank him for his encouraging words. We clicked instantly when celebrating my win and exchanged numbers to keep in touch furthermore. He’s probably my best friend in England.

name: nella rose date of birth: july 20, 1997 place of birth: belgium occupation: youtuber friends since: 2022

It was at a video shoot when Filly introduced me to Miss Nella Rose. Filly had this knack for bringing people together. Now, Nella, is a genuine human in a world of filters and facades, someone you could be completely real with. In a place where everyone's putting on a show, Nella stood out.

I am lucky to have crossed paths with someone so real, someone who made the crazy F1 world feel a little less daunting. She had this magnetic vibe, you know? Not the flashy, showy kind, but the kind that makes you feel like you're talking to an old friend. We clicked instantly, not in a romantic way, but in a 'I’ve-found-my-ride-or-die-friend' way. 

It wasn't about the glitz and glam of the F1 world or the YouTube fame – it was about two souls connecting, sharing stories, and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

name: amin mohamed / chunkz date of birth: february, 21 1996 place of birth: london, uk occupation: youtuber friends since: 2022

I met Chunkz the same day I met Nella, courtesy of Filly. He was, like the rest of them, so welcoming and incredibly funny. In a world where everyone's trying to one-up each other, his authenticity was a breath of fresh air.

We hit it off immediately, like, we both have this weird obsession with 90s sitcoms level of connection (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air I might add). His laugh, oh my days, it's contagious. We bonded over memes, terrible dance moves, and, of course, our shared love for fast cars. He was more like a 'this dude is my spirit animal' vibe.

So, yeah, meeting Chunkz that day was like gaining a new teammate, someone who made the F1 circuit feel like a family. In the whirlwind of F1 circuits and YouTube fame, he was that unexpected dose of hilarity that made the day memorable. Chunkz, Nella Rose, and me, all meeting on the same day? That's the kind of plot twist you'd expect in a Netflix teen drama, but hey, it happened. 

Life is weird, and sometimes, it's the unexpected friendships that make it hilariously awesome.

name: rúben dos santos gato alves dias date of birth: may 14, 1997 place of birth: amadora, portugal occupation: football player friends since: 2022

The first time I met Rúben, I punched him in the face. Alright, it wasn’t intentional and just a stupid mistake of mine, but thinking about it back now, it’s a pretty funny way to start a friendship.

It was after the Monaco Grand Prix in 2022, so the festivities were quite big and extravagant. However, I was just exhausted up and foremost. Monaco is a great track, but your concentration needs to be at 150% all the time if you want to make it to the end.

So, naturally, I fell asleep on a chair in a more quiet area of the venue where the afterparty took place. Rúben passed me by, noticed me and became concerned for me. He didn’t know whether I passed out from drinking or not, shaking me to see if I was fine. Are you alright? Should I call someone? Should I drive you home? Startled by this unknown stranger waking me up, I punched him in the face when I came to my senses all disoriented. I felt really bad, and so did he. I think we apologised to each other about a dozen times, going back and forth.

As an apology, I invited him for lunch the next time I was in England. We talked a lot about similar interests, about both of our busy schedules and the fast life of being an athlete. He said he’d invite me to one of his games since he saw me racing but I’ve never seen him play. To be honest, football wasn’t something I was very familiar with, so Rúben was keen on explaining the sport to me. 

I knew I had found a new friend in him when I laughed so much with him I nearly lost consciousness from the lack of breathing.

― THE FORMULA FRIEND GROUP

name: lewis hamilton date of birth: january 7, 1957 place of birth: stevenage, uk occupation: formula one driver friends since: 2020

When Toto came up to me and made me join the Mercedes Junior Team, my hopes of seeing Lewis Hamilton rose drastically. He was, and is, one of the biggest names in Motorsport and an idol to many younglings in the sport, me included. 

I didn’t meet him the first year of staying at Brackley. I was still getting used to adjusting to England, its culture and operating the simulator. Our first unofficial meeting happened in the simulator. I was driving, humming All Eyes On Me by 2Pac when someone behind me said ‘You could’ve taken that turn a little sharper on the apex.’ I didn’t know it was him at the time, too startled by the sudden comment to realise who it came from. His presence made me crash into the barriers. 

So when I actually saw him visit the facility in Brackley for the first time, I nearly suffered a heart attack. Toto introduced us, laughing at me when I started to stutter in front of Lewis. I remember my cheeks burning out of embarrassment and hands shaking out of nervosity. I was that nervous I had started speaking in an English accent, that’s when I had to shut up. I think my brain actually stopped working for a second when Lewis said he’d know of me and seen some of my races. 

When he became my teammate in the 2023 season, I was beyond the moon excited to work with such an icon. The things I’ve learned and am still learning from him made me grow incredibly as a driver. He’s like a mentor to me, continuing to teach me new things with such enthusiasm, he really keeps me motivated and focused.

name: logan sargeant date of birth: december 31, 2000 place of birth: fort lauderdale, florida occupation: formula one driver friends since: 2019

Oh, Logan Sargeant, where do I even begin with this guy? We go way back, back to the Formula 3 days when we were tearing up the tracks alongside Felipe Drugovich. Logan and I clicked faster than Wi-Fi in a room full of tech geeks. We're both from the States, different coasts but same vibe, you know? We practically dragged Felipe into our adventures everywhere we went.

Even though our ways as teammates parted after one season, we stayed tight. We spent a lot of time together outside of the paddock. Whether it was eating out or visiting the other over summer and winter break in the US:  Burgers, beach trips, and a lot of dad jokes (thanks to my old man’s enthusiasm for Logan) – our friendship just kept growing. And guess what? Destiny had more mischief in store for us. From late-night strategy talks to spontaneously exploring new cities, we’ve turned every race weekend into an adventure. My father grew quite fond of Logan, Logan’s enthusiasm for the US matching my dad’s enthusiasm for Mexico. 

Fast forward to Formula 1, and bam, we're rookie teammates again, this time with Oscar Piastri thrown into the chaos, he had no other choice but to tag along with us. Forming the ‘2023 Rookies’ group, we were hellbend to become even more iconic than the 2019 rookies. It's like we're on a mission to turn the F1 grid into our playground and so far, dare I say we’re doing a good job at it? Fuck yeah. We’re hell-bent on making our mark, not just on the tracks but in the F1 history books.

name: oscar piastri date of birth: april 21, 2001 place of birth: melbourne, australia occupation: formula one driver friends since: 2020

Ah, Oscar Piastri, my first F2 teammate in 2021. We'd already crossed paths in Formula 3, but back then, he was about as outgoing as a hermit crab. Fast forward a year, and fate decided we should be on the same team. I mean, talk about a plot twist, right? So, here's this dude, quiet as a library on a Sunday morning, and suddenly, we're sharing the same garage.

The first time we actually talked to each other was after our first race of the season. We sat in two ice baths next to each other when he made the first move and quietly tried to start a conversation. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t even realise he was talking to me. It took him a second try to catch my attention, and then it was like he had opened Pandora's box: I would not shut up for one second after we really got into conversation. I was telling him all the gossip from back home, all the shit that annoyed me, literally everything because he was willing to listen to me rant away. 

Oscar Piastri, the man of few words but here for the vibes, became more than a teammate – he became that friend who’d silently judge my questionable music choices and then secretly listen to the same music when he thought no one was watching. It's funny how the quiet ones always surprise you the most, right. That became our dynamic: Me talking his ear off and him listening like his life depended on it. Sometimes I would feel bad for saying so much, but Oscar seemed to be actually interested in hearing about my issues and thoughts.   When entering Formula 1 together with Logan, we obviously stuck together a lot as the new rookies. We became the 2023 rookies, the gen Z version of the 2019 rookies. Logan and I were the loud ones, the ones adopting our introverted friend and dragging him with us everywhere. So here's to Oscar, the Aussie from down under for making racing not just about speed, but also about laughter and unexpected friendship.

name: andrea kimi antonelli date of birth: august 25, 2006 place of birth: bologna, italy occupation: motor racing driver friends since: 2019

Becoming part of the Mercedes Junior Team in 2018 and moving from East LA to Brackley, I knew what it felt like to leave your life behind and start anew in a different country. When I first noticed Kimi appearing at the facilities a year later, I immediately felt my heart ache for him. He was new, still somewhat shy and kept to himself a lot. Remembering the same situation I found myself in a year prior, I made it my mission to help him get accustomed to his new surroundings. So I found the only solution possible, I adopted him as my Formula son. 

We grew close relatively fast, him loving to annoy the shit out of me and use me as an ATM machine whenever we went out together. I loved spoiling him from time to time, treating him like the little hermano he is to me. 

And like the big sister I am, obviously I visited him at his races as much as I could. Vice versa, he’d come to a few of mine as well. I always invited him as my guest, but little Kimi was too shy to meet the senior team and the older grid. I would literally have to drag him to socialise a bit more, reassuring him that none of them would bite him. He’s literally part of the team as well, so why was he acting all shy.

2022 was a big year for both of us, one I like to think back to. With me racing my way up the F2 drivers standings, Kimi was doing the same in F4. Both of us ended up winning the championships simultaneously, I had never been more proud of my little padawan.

tag list: @tpwkstiles @dessxoxsworld @lorarri @elliegrey2803 @inejghafawifesblog @daaiissyyyyy @viennakarma @cha-hot ➫ comment or leave a message in my inbox if you'd like to be added

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both Worlds (part 20)

Tw: a bunch of profanities, nothing much in this chapter , short chapter tho

Vote below, i will only count the first 20 votes

Part 21

"You are so funny, (name)!" She laughed and playfully slapped you on the shoulder.

You laughed along and continued your conversation with her.

You finished all your classes for the day. You agreed to accompany her to the cafe because you have five grand in your bank account, courtesy by Yves and you can afford to treat her and yourself.

You didn't touch the food Montgomery gave you. Neither did Evangeline, because she too suffered from bad food poisoning when eating at that takeaway. It was thrown in the trash by her, it twisted your heart a little but you knew it wasn't edible.

Yves sent you a couple of texts asking you to call him when you're free along with pictures of what he found interesting. You muted him and chose to interact with your new friend instead.

In the end, the two of you shared the same opinion of Montgomery, that he may be creepy, but ultimately harmless. It's as if you completely had the memory of him punching Yves in the face erased.

It's nice. Someone around your age that shares the same humor and interests. Someone human unlike Yves and someone socially adept unlike Montgomery.

Good god, you can't believe you somehow considered Montgomery a friend.

"Hey (name)? I got this crazy idea."

You asked her what it was.

"Let's do a prank call on Montgomery." You gasped and said no way. But your tone betrayed you, it does sound like a fun joke. As long as the proper safety measures are taken.

"It will be the funniest thing ever. C'mon, here's the plan."

The both of you huddled together and discussed her nefarious ideas.

__

Her internet sleuthing skills are impressive, to say the least. All he needed was his phone number and his first name. You managed to find out he came from a family of farmers, 20 hours by car away from the city. Montgomery has been to more than 10 cities in the past decade, working various jobs and then quitting it to move onto the next place.

He once rented an apartment, but was evicted when he couldn't pay his rent on time. So you and Evangeline assumed he was living out of his car since then.

"Oh wow. You are proactive!" Giggled Evangeline when she saw you already saved his number under "Do not answer".

She is using your phone. Evangeline dialed Montgomery's personal number and pinched her nose to create an unrecognizable nasally voice. It was set to speaker mode.

After a few seconds of ringing, someone on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello?" It's undoubtedly him, coupled with the sounds of jackhammers rattling in the background.

"Heller, is this Mr Yeller? Montgomery Elizabeth Yeller?"

"Yeah, you got the right person. Who is this?"

"Yerr, this is Anita. Do you remember me, Mr Yeller?"

There was a pause.

"No, your name ain't ringing a bell. Anita who?" He finally replied.

Evangeline struggled to stifle her giggles. "Last name, Bath."

"Anita...Bath?" Montgomery was genuinely trying to remember someone in his life named that.

"Yeah you fucking do, stinky." You and Evangeline burst out cackling.

Eventually, Montgomery caught on and became upset.

"Ha ha. Very funny, you little shits. How the hell did you get my number?"

"Through Joe!"

You and her giggled. You pressed your palm against your lips.

"...(Name)?" His voice became soft and hopeful.

Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. You signal her to cut it out, but she squeezed your shoulder.

"Joe Mama!" She laughed so hard that she had to cradle her side.

"Of fuckin' course." Montgomery's tone returned to being unfriendly. "Don't you fuckin' kids have homework to do? Instead of wastin' y'all's time and y'all's future botherin' strangers?" He snarked.

"No, because we are smart enough to get a scholarship to Ligma!" You heard him scoff from the other side.

"The hell is Ligma? Ya think I fuckin' care if-"

"Ligma balls!" You and Evangeline had tears running down the side of your faces from chortling so hard. "Y-you fell for it three times, Mr Yeller! What the fuck?" Evangeline added between laughs.

"...Stupid good for nothin' kids." He grumbled before hanging up.

Evangeline tried calling immediately after. To your surprise, he still answered.

"I ain't playing with y'all unless you're callin' in to apologize."

"StinkySayHuh."

"Huh?"

You and her let out the loudest scream of glee that he managed to take the bait. The remainder of the call was filled with mocking laughing from you two.

"Y'all can go straight to hell." He scolded before hanging up.

You found it so hilarious despite it being juvenile humor, your howling turned silent and your face became red. You couldn't breathe from guffawing too hard.

"Again, again!" She pressed the button call on his number.

It was declined. She pouted while you're still recovering from your giggles.

She tried calling him repeatedly, but all other attempts went to voicemail. His phone wouldn't receive any texts either.

"Aw, looks like he blocked you." Evangeline handed your phone back to you. Grinning, you thanked her profusely, this is exactly what you wanted.

"No, thank you for hanging out with me. This is the most fun I've had for months!" You laughed along and took another look at your phone.

You had that instinctive jerk upon seeing the time. Her smile dropped and changed to a confused expression.

"What's wrong?"

You were in the middle of packing until you realized you didn't have to take the bus. You apologized and explained yourself.

"Oh, that's totally fine. Hey, what do you say we hang out at the beach?"

You told her that Mr Jones is probably waiting for you.

"Daddy isn't just driving one person around all day. He's like an on-demand taxi! He's going to come to you only after a phone call."

You never knew that.

"Besides, you don't have a stuffy ol' Sir Yves to entertain. You're free! You get to go wherever you want to, whenever you want to." She gave you jazz hands to bring home her point.

"The sun is out, but it isn't that hot. We can dip our feet in the water to cool ourselves down."

You rubbed your chin. That does sound nice, and you don't want to reject your only friend. It's not like you have anything to do at the moment.

"But we're gonna need to take the bus though. I haven't had my driver's license yet." She added.

It takes an hour to ride the bus from the university to the beach. You're full from the junk you ate from the cafe, and you have enough money to buy whatever you want from the stalls.

You could always call Mr Jones up to drive you home from the beach.

However, you should probably go home and talk to Yves. You're barely answering his texts while he was excited to show you the attractions around his hotel.

"So, what do you say, (name)?" She asked with a hopeful smile.

You thought about it.

[danrifics]

i’ve been trying to write this post forever 😭 but omg where to even start with this weekend it was just so amazing!!!

first @ahappyphjl and @dnphobe thank you guys for putting up with my crazy ass for 2 days!! i know i can be a lot especially when i decided to drop the autism mask 😭 you guys are amazing and it was so cool to see the show with friends cos last time i saw it i was by myself so it was absolutely amazing to experience it with you both! also jenna thank you for waiting in a 2 hour line for a pretty mid hello kitty cafe 😂

next to everyone i met for the first time over the weekend!! its so honestly amazing when you get to put actual real faces to blogs and you were all so amazing and cool! its also very weird but also fucking cool to just have people walk up to you and say they follow you on tumblr i felt so famous 💅

again i have to apologise for how awkward i am irl i know i seem so cool online but im actually a very social awkward and weird irl😅

it was also cool to see @ahappydnp and @calvinahobbes!!! cal thank you for buying me a coke zero 😂

special shoutout to @pseudophan @gardener-dyke @personthattoleratesme for putting up with my sleep deprived, dehydrated, hungry self especially when i wouldn’t shut up about how im in love with dan and what if he stared as me or whatever the fuck i was talking about??

@energeticwarrior it was so cool to meet you on saturday sorry i randomly shouted your name and didn’t immediately tell you who i was so you just looked at me blankly until i was like shit i should tell you my name 😭 also sorry i made it seem like that was the first and last time you’d ever see me only for me to randomly appear at the show on sunday it was really cool to sit with you and thank you for laughing when i shouted smash at dan when he was stripping

lastly big obvious thank you to the man himself, @danielhowell (yes fuck it im tagging him too) you are the funniest man alive (well second obviously phil is number 1) i’ve met you before literally a year ago yesterday?? but sometimes i do forget you’re actually real and then you’re standing in front of me on stage and i can literally see your face and every detail on it???? insane anyway thank you for We’re All Doomed it was funny, sad and moving but it was literally the best thing you’ve ever done and i’m so so proud of you for it! thank you for always showing you love us just as much as we love you.

this community means everything to me and i’ve never felt so loved until i became apart of it! honestly words cannot describe how i truly actual feel so im gonna have to stop rambling now

i love you guys so much

phannie cult for LIFE

[stomach-bugg09]

omg thank you for doing my request!!! i absolutely adored it, dw im from the east coast myself (new york specifically). if it’s okay, i’d like to request more modern day sullys and fali? i just love your take on them.

a/n: ahh !! thank you so much. ( east coast gang rising up !! ) anyway , yes i actually think the modern au is just so simple but so cute and fun to write , which is also why i'm publishing this request before some of the older ones. i want to be able to keep feeding you all while i develop ideas and fics for the other ones. hope you enjoy !! reblogs + feedback is always appreciated !!

tags: @liyahsocorro @bonnibuckets @wxnderingthoughts @pinkhotdogsfr

modern au headcanons for the sullys + fali

general

one of the most chaotic families out there

trust me when i say this

when any of the kids have friends over, the guests are always shocked to find out that they ever manage to get anything done

there's always someone being a problem ( lo'ak )

tuk is the "do it all" child

like soccer, lacrosse, dance, school plays + musicals

she totally ate as an oompa loompa in charlie and the chocolate factory jr.

the older siblings all took a picture with her while she was in costume

[y/n] has an epic 0.5x picture of her from that night and is saving it for her graduation

[y/n] has the most baby pictures and "baby's first christmas" ornaments / type stuff just because she was the first child

neteyam has a good bit, so does kiri, but lo'ak and tuk have barely any

you can tell that they gave up on parenting tuk because she's such a menace

the whole entire family is banned from pizza hut

they refuse to speak on the topic

after neteyam and lo'ak played jv basketball together, kiri and [y/n] worked together to rewatch all the film and make a compilation of all their funny moments

tbt to when lo'ak completely missed the basket during a free throw

to present it, they gathered the entire family into the living room and pretended it was serious

but as soon as the video started, the two girls could not hold up the act and ended up on the ground in tears as they laughed at the entire thing

lo'ak and neteyam were not amused

jake was totally losing his mind

he loves making fun of his kids ( affectionately )

you can always tell neytiri's mood based on what she's listening to when she cooks dinner

a podcast means she's feeling good, feeling productive - sad music means she's, well... sad - classical music means you must stay far away from her

kiri, [y/n], and neytiri have their periods sinked up

it's complete hell for everyone else

once jake came home from work late and saw them sobbing on the couch to an episode of how i met your mother

sometimes the siblings will all sit down and have tuk paint their nails as she just talks the most amount of shit about every kid in her class

it's literally the funniest thing

she has some serious issues

kiri and [y/n] both like reading but the difference between the two is that kiri actually reads and [y/n] has five different books sitting on her bedside table

when she does have a random burst of energy to read, they always swap books

the head boys lacrosse coach is the biology teacher and he loves the sully family

he also teaches forensic science

not only is [y/n] dating his star player, but she manages the team

plus neteyam is on his team

sometimes, during their lunch period, fali and [y/n] just roll up to his class ( the same period that lo'ak and tsireya have bio )

ao'nung also plays basketball, so him and lo'ak were literally always beefing until they randomly just became friends

and then it was chill!

[y/n] and fali also drive tsireya and ao'nung around quite a bit, but they don't mind

everybody trusts fali and [y/n]

they're the type of people that you call if you need anything ever

kiri and neteyam have definitely called their sister or fali during a party after realizing they needed to get home

once neteyam's old friends left him there with no ride and he was... not all that sober

fali was at the same party because lacrosse team!

this boy did not hesitate to leave with neteyam and bring him back to his house

neteyam called his parents and pretended he was sleeping over with ao'nung ( who helped cover for him ) and ended up sleeping in fali's guest bedroom

every day kiri collects random ideas for her future speech as [y/n]'s maid of honor at her and fali's wedding

[y/n] still doesn't know

neteyam has an entire shoebox full of memories with his big sister that he plans to give her before she moves out

panic ensues the household when they reach june / graduating month

they do not want to think about their first baby leaving the nest!

neytiri is such a sad frantic mama

just wants everything to be perfect for her baby

jake ensures her that it will be

moving on to more happy stuff!

neytiri is totally a swiftie

like a very serious very loyal swift or that knows every single song and every single album and every single word

owns her ugly merch but it's okay because it makes her happy

tsireya's favorite candy would be watermelon jolly ranchers and she always has them in her backpack and stuff

lo'ak started to also keep watermelon flavored things in his backpack when he first started crushing on her

he would give her some during bio

her smile was always worth it

[y/n] and fali have the cheesiest and cutest way of reminding each other that they love each other

and that would be by giving each other their last piece of something

like they would give each other their last oreo, their last piece of gum, their last hershey kiss, his last name

it's just a silent exchange of their infatuation for each other

everybody else watches as they contemplate leaving because of how lonely they make them feel

kiri makes the silliest birthday posts

like she absolutely exposes every single one of her siblings by posting their ugly pictures on her instagram story

and she isn't even nice enough to keep it on close friends

lo'ak and [y/n] have a super long streak on snap chat of like 600+ days

and they are constantly scared of losing it

tuk takeover happens on a rare occasion in which, every few months, one of her older siblings allows her to do their streaks

she usually manages to post something stupid on their stories or something, but all of their friends have learned to look forward to it

fali and [y/n] were friends for a year before dating, but half of that year was spent with them absolutely crushing on each other

their first kiss story is so embarrassing and they refuse to tell anyone about it

fali wears bracelets that [y/n] makes for him

he always wears the bracelets that tuk makes for him and they're the cutest things because it's just a random assortment of beads

fali probably has a like single piercing on one of his ears after losing a bet with his friends

but he's grown to love it

he always has to take it out for lacrosse because the helmet is a pain

[y/n] buys him cute little earrings that he refuses to wear because they're always silly

like, "no, [y/n] i'm not wearing a singular waffle earring."

the only earring from her that he wears is the earring that matches the ring he gave her on their one year anniversary

she gave him that earring for his birthday

he almost cried

[wolfsuggest]

I just think it would be really funny if it’s AU (I say AU cause I’m not saying post-show because fuck everything after *insert least fave season here for me it’s Ally’s death that made me just give up lmao* so all my faves are alive but like. None of That happened lol) and every two weeks the pack that’s still in Beacon Hills shows up to go camping in the woods. But like, nice camping. So they stick the parents in nice tents with camping mattresses that won’t hurt their backs and everyone else swaps between puppy piles (they lose boundaries closer to full moons) or nice nests.

But like. Peter is still a bitch. So obviously he started off with the biggest and best tent. Lydia and Allison have the second biggest but they’re even less snobby than him somehow. Stiles ends up extracting himself from a puppy pile wrapped up in a blanket and looking annoyed and tired cause they’re uncomfy af only to find Peter sitting in a full ass glamping style setup with an armchair and a book, and just without thinking about it climbs into Peter’s bed to pass out because fuck that Scott keeps running in his sleep and it’s so annoying.

So the next time they go out Peter hands him a nicer camping mattress.

And the next time it’s a better blanket and pajama set. And then it was a couple random comics when Stiles got bored. And fancy coffee during a morning even tho Peter claimed he would never make one of those little feral idiots his 50$ a cup coffee. And then a full ass new tent because Stiles got kept up all night one night and became so cranky even the Sheriff was like ‘kiddo, calm ur shit ur scaring the wildlife’ and Peter found it SUPER funny but also he’s afraid Derek’s bad morning personality would clash with Stiles’ and they’d kill each other. He’d even put money on the little one okay. Stiles looks like he could bite to the bone if tempted. So a nice new tent. And suddenly Stiles is regularly well slept. But, Peter misses those few times Stiles would crankily make his way to Peter’s tent and stink up Peter’s bed with human idiot smell. So he’s gotta get that attention back so he’s getting him new random things. New blanket, new pillowcase (not new pillow, he knows that rule) new pajamas, new slippers, steal an old blanket but it’s okay cause you got a new one lmao we know this trick Peter.

But then Derek is just sitting there wondering why Peter thinks he’s getting away with smelling like human idiot. He doesn’t Peter just also doesn’t care. And then suddenly that really confusing zip on tunnel that led from Peter’s tent to Stiles’ and ended up getting removed after the first time Stiles tiredly climbed into bed with him only to remember he got up to pee and now he barely made it and Peter laughed a lot but allowed the fragile human to keep his dignity and get rid of it but keeps waking up to a young adult on his chest anyways.

Anyways. Their wedding ends up being outdoors at this point okay they’re just gonna get married in the family camping grounds (where they keep the shed with all their camping gear so they don’t have to drag it back and forth and with three fully functional bathrooms in it because Peter is snooty and didn’t wanna be out here to begin with) and Peter’s snobby rich asshole college friends who haven’t seen him in years all got invited because he realized showing them he camps now is literally the funniest prank ever because they’ll think he’s trash now and won’t even realize that this is Peter’s version of being a rich snob too.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 25/01/2024

Too big, huh, my nuts are too big how about that

Season 3 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips Volume A

Ripped by Grambam36, Twonko

Late last year, we received official confirmation that the Electronic Entertainment Expo, E3, was no more. The signs were everywhere, as they'd failed to hold any meaningful event past the pandemic and were fumbling even before then, yet it was still kind of sad to see the news spelled out officially - that the gaming community's Christmas Day was going away forever, in favor of the more condensed, streamlined, and in general a lot less charming Summer Games Fest. And yeah, the excitement for game reveals and trailers is still prominent with Keighley's shows, though a tool he may be, but...there was a sort of memetic energy to the E3 shows in particular, the per-company press conferences that were always subtly coated in delicious cringe, those are now effectively lost. Though the show may be lost, the memories remain - and I'll always remember just how fun each of the SiIvaGunner channel's per-show channel events were, from Season 1 to Season 4 Episode 1.

I did indeed cover a rip related to the E3 show once before on here, with Take Me Home, Country Snow - a rip focusing on the ever-memetic quality of Bethesda's Todd Howard. That's a well-spread joke in the gaming community, yet Too big, huh, my nuts are too big how about that focuses on far more of an in-joke, one finally meeting its natural endpoint after years of build-up: Ridley, before his debut in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, being criticized as being far too big to be fit for the game's roster. "Bigley" became a minor meme on the Miiverse forums on Wii U/3DS, and it was just generally a very funny idea to spread about - that a character was simply too massive to ever possibly be able to be used in fighting.

It's likely that Too big, huh, my nuts are too big how about that wasn't even made with the intention of releasing after Ridley's reveal during Nintendo's 2018 E3 show, but withholding the rip to release it with the perfect timing just adds to the joke even further - the visuals of the rip present Ridley as the surprise new character, only to reveal that his character size is so astronomically big that the game literally cannot load him into a match. The rip's audio joke itself is initially based on a Season 1 classic, Vs. Meta Horat, mashing up Ridley's theme with The Nutshack theme, before taking on a very patently Twonko twist - you may recognize his name from Crompton Racing, and back when he was still with the channel he was one of the biggest proponents and contributors to making Jake Paul a recurring joke on the channel. The rip effectively turns into a - funny enough - BIGGER version of Vs. Meta Horat, still featuring The Nutshack prominently, but overriding it with It's Everyday Bro and other sources. Most notably, and funniest to me personally, is the line iconic to many Smash Bros. fans of the time before Ultimate's release - "RIDLEY'S BIG AS SHIT!".

I talked yesterday about the feeling of, admiring rips and media in general from a distance - that I'm able to love rips like Guilty Eyes Creeper despite holding no real attachment to the Love Live franchise or its music. Yet with clips from Shokio's old infamous Ridley discussion video, that voicebyte that was heard so often in so many hilarious contexts before even the release of Smash Bros. for Wii U/3DS, it does feel oh so rewarding to feel fully in-on-the-joke with Too big, huh, my nuts are too big how about that. The signature styles of the two rippers of course helps make it an immensely fun listen, but it really was just the comedic timing of the moment and execution of the joke that sealed the deal for this becoming one of my favorite 2018 rips.

[hopeswriting]

Hi I saw your post on Skull and tv series about famous people and I raise you: The public have that sort of relationship to Skull's career as with many of the "acclaimed geniuses" usually the artsy ones aka. everyone knows him but nobody thinks they "understand his true depth", "he was very bright and loud but in private really he was actually sooo mysterious and it was impossible to tell what actually went on in his head when he spoke so much but rarely anything of substance about himself", "he was everyone's friend, but I always wondered if he returned the feeling, he always acted that way around everyone after all" etc. Someone is quoted talking about how he'd always laugh things off to hide what he really meant. It goes on.

BUT here is the KICKER: Skull isn't. He has his own depth of course, but all of this post-mortem rose tinted "mystery" is that he was young and fearless and cheerful and genuinely a bit dumb and hypocritical and very bad at elaborating on the things he said. And best part: now he will never live it down around the arcobaleno and this time it's not even him who was talking himself up in ridiculous ways. (Actually it'd be kinda funny too if it made some canon character actually believe it and look at him differently)

hi nonny, thank you for the ask! [post referenced]

nooo not the unseen depth zerfghfgc!!!! not the MYSTERIOUSNESS!!!! 😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣 and yeah you bet he ISNT nor was he EVER any of that lmfao, nonny i'm losing it over this.

but okay, now let ME raise you this: 1) i know it in my bones tsuna is the one to buy into all of that bullshit, no questions asked. yes, hyper intuition tsuna, the last one who should buy into it and know better, i know, but no, listen. i KNOW he watches that documentary or whatever and goes "omg, i can't believe i misunderstood skull this whole time. i need to apologize to him right now and do better, and also i should stand up for him from now on and help the others realize they've got it all wrong about him too".

and then no one can stop him or make him change his mind. least of all reborn, who's the one trying the hardest to stop him and change his mind. for a yet undetermined reason, but i just know he canNOT stand that new development, it just makes him soo mad.

wait, no, i just figured out why he'd hate everything about this. it's because he knows skull, thank you very much. he's among the few who got through the obnoxious ordeal of bearing his bullshit long enough to know him, and to even become begrudgingly glad he did and fond of him but we're not going to talk about that, but now? he's just supposed to stand there and be told he's only ever seen the surface of skull? that he--he, of all people--couldn't tell he was just seeing the surface of him? over decades of knowing each other? he's just supposed to let people not recognize and acknowledge the arduous and praiseworthy achievement that is him having gotten past skull's terrible first impressions until they became close for what it is?

he's just about foaming at the mouth, and tsuna does not give a single shit about it because, as everyone knows, reborn is skull's number one hater. and then tsuna's undeterred work to, like, rehabilitate skull's image or something, actually WORKS because if hyper intuition tsuna says so then??? surely there's some truth to it at the very least???? and it works even more because skull does NOTHING to clear up the misunderstanding.

which brings us to point 2) shameless little gremlin that he is to his core, skull absolutely finds this the funniest thing and takes FULL advantage of it. like suddenly tsuna & co (the 10th gen/varia/shimon/etc) start to actually pay attention to him whenever he's around, trying to see """through him""", and skull makes sure to always be all like "oooh look at me not talking much à la hibari, i'm sooo mysterious and definitely thinking some deep thoughts and not trying really hard to not burst out laughing". or like, the arco are their usual rough but playful selves with him, and instead of snapping at them with no heat behind it either in a well-rehearsed routine the way he'd usually do, instead he's all like "oooh look at me and my fake laugh à la yamamoto. am i really laughing this off because i don't mind or am i just doing it to hide how it actually hurt me? there's sooo much unseen depth inside me".

and they buy it. go all like "oh shit??? maybe--????". and the arco are losing their shit because 3) okay look. consider this: the arco are the ones miserable over this, and skull is the one not letting them live down the new-found appreciation everyone else but them suddenly has of him. because like, the arco's reaction to this can only go one of two ways: either they find it just as funny as skull and help him pull off the whole "yeah this is actually the real me, you just didn't care to notice it before" act, OR. they just absolutely canNOT stand it. they're so mad about it. they're sooo mad about it. they did NOT unexpectedly survive through a curse alongside skull, only to hear they somehow missed everything about him that would have made him more bearable lmao. especially from people among whom most of them have never spent more than an hour with him. have never even TALKED to him even once. their blood pressure is through the roof while skull is living his best life and does not give a single shit about it. also becomes best friends with tsuna in the process of this whole thing because i say so.

anyway. i couldn't stop laughing while answering this nonny, i love it so much. and idk if you remember this @cloudspark @ravensilversea @juudaimes-true-form, but here's the hilarious sequel of the netflix's skull series au ezrsfgvhfd