#and it’s not even anything. it’s nothing. I will never be the film girl saga I literally just want my roommate and debate professor to die

[jovalencia]

everybody who has talked to me in the last 72 hours has experienced me on the verge of a breakdown and tbh I would feel bad but like. girl I’m not partying rn

[munamania]

i feel like. i really do need to try to just get over this and not keep hoping it works out based on. anything. and it sucks because i like her so much. i like her smile and i like her voice and i like listening to her talk about anything and i like how she likes to organize and i like her showing off her little business lessons and today i saw some little moles on her cheek and went :( that’s so cute and i like her grandpa socks and her hands and. ugh. i really like her laugh and when she looks at me and she’s leaning forward laughing i could like combust fully. and i really really wish it was easier to not like her. 😖 ok diary entry rant over

[cleolinda]

Weekend links, April 28, 2024

My posts

I spent the first half of the week struggling through (well-medicated) mania and the second half currently with a sinus infection! I’m not enjoying it! Not either one! 

Reblogs of interest

Pro-Gaza protests at universities in the U.S.: a solidarity Passover seder and an accidental Pulitzer photo

Canada Agrees 200 Islands Belong to the Indigenous Haida Nation

--

The Hot Vintage Lady Polls continue to go for the throat. I felt so bad about Dorothy Dandridge that I started posting and reblogging propaganda for her, but Ava Gardner, my beloved, went through anyway. Backing her felt like a wish on a monkey’s paw ("Not like this!!"). (See all poll results here.) I tremble to think what round 5 will look like. Like, there’s a point when your girl is gonna come up against a Hepburn, you know?

Notably gone this week: Judy Garland, Julie Andrews, Lupe Vélez, Irene Papas (who took out Vivien Leigh in the previous round), Gene Tierney, Barbara Stanwyck, Lena Horne, Jean Seberg, Anita Ekberg, Angela Lansbury, and Cyd Charisse. Like I keep saying, everybody loses. Everybody but one. Round 5 will start May 1st. 

--

Hozier Watch 2024: His first U.S. #1, which he’s now playing at shows! The first U.S. #1 for an Irish artist in 34 years! What?? you cry. Did “Take Me to Church” not do that ten years ago? Well, I went and looked it up: No. That was the “Blank Space” era. Say no more. 

Speaking of Taylor Swift—Paste Magazine went IN on the new album and got threats as a result. Meanwhile, Taylor’s fans are harassing the ex-boyfriend who did nothing wrong (as opposed to the racist one) because her PR is egging them on. I’ll admit: even though I’m not a fan, I found the Paste review to be overlong and not focused enough on the actual songs, proportionally. But that post about the PR saga is everything I miss about Fandom Wank. 

(“My rival dresses to display her legs, and her shoes are of an alluring fashion”)

Meanwhile, the Watcher guys issued the best apology possible, although it was still excruciating to watch. (Background.) They will remain on YouTube while introducing the streaming service. As a Patreon member, I haven’t asked for my free subscription code yet, but I’m going to. Some fans forgave them pretty easily; others have walked away. I’m curious to see if this affects the mood of anything new they film, since a segment of the fandom got really, really ugly about it. Mostly it just felt sad all around. 

Meanwhile, in Alabama: nobody wants to measure the feral hog.

Turns out Death Note had a good reason to concoct “American” names like “Bobson Dugnutt.” Also, I somehow had two posts tagged “death note” this week and I don’t even go here.

The worst brownies ever created and what Tumblr has to say about them

“You roll up to the Wizard Battle and your opponent takes out his spellbook but it’s just one of these”

I know that Loki is not Odin’s son in actual Norse mythology, but the bredlik is amazing.

TIL that Florence and Ravenna are still feuding over Dante’s remains

Maybe haunted dolls cost extra

Chorses

Video

Branch manager

Senior branch manager

“Free serotonin from Honey the Italian greyhound”

Sola learned to show love from her humans

I have seen many of jauncydev’s videos about dog personalities, but I have never seen him commit quite this hard before

I like tie-dye videos anyway, but this one is sick as hell

The sacred videos: you are not prepared for this police sketch, and neither is this news anchor

The sacred texts

Kick his ass, baby. I got yo flower.

Gold Star, You Tried: A compilation

A personal favorite: “mayhaps I TWIMST aroumd”

The origin of “By Talos this can’t be happening”

Personal tags of the week

Seasonally: cherry blossom. Also, art: an old standby, but it was really good, and also, I’m sick.

[daniveigt]

This side of us - Chapter 1

Summary: Yn solo and Poe Dameron have been friends since they met. But if you look closely you'll see that maybe they love each other. or not?

Warnings: star wars references. a little sad, but nothing too heavy. yn does not speak as a way to deal with feelings.

Word Count: 2K

A\N: I started writing this fanfic today and I'm already finishing her 2nd episode. I'll try to do something small, with less than 10 chapters, but in a detailed way that explores the novel and all the last 3 films in the Star Wars saga. Tomorrow I'll try to bring the next chapter. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistake. I'm new to the Star Wars world too, so if there's any mistake in history, tell me!!! I hope you like it, I love you poe dameron  

GIF It's not mine! credits to the creator, 

No one never understood what was going on between Poe dameron and Y/N solo. Even the elders of the resistance, who saw the girl grow up, didn't understand what was going on. Since the day Poe set foot at the base of the resistance he and Y/n they became best friends. Those who saw from afar thought they were just friends, but for those closest to the two they saw that they had something else.

Even for Leia it was obvious. Poe arrived after what happened at the Jedi temple. She'd rather not think about it. Sometimes she'd rather think her son was on another planet doing something instead of being on some empire ship. And the brother was somewhere training younger Jedi. 

Leia embraced Poe as her son. Especially after her saw how he helped Y/N after... 

Y/N was a little older than Ben. Her uncle, Luke, trained her a little earlier than her brother. The day Ben left, she was gone of the temple. She had completed her Jedi training. She was coming home with BC-2, her droid. When she got home she was greeted by her parents crying. Not happiness. It was the first time she saw her father cry. And the last time she saw her mother cry was in the birth of, well, him. 

She didn't understand. She had seen her brother the day before. He was fine. He had joked about some other Jedi student, who for some reason couldn't carry the saber. They laughed, she cried when she said goodbye. She hugged her uncle and promised she'd be back in a month. 

Why didn't they send her any transmissions? She would have come back, talked to him. Your brother would understand you. Wouldn`t? He was afraid, he must have thought he let his uncle down and ran away to the evil side of the force.

She didn't say anything for six months. It was her way of dealing with the situation. In the third month they received the news that they most feared for an empire spy. He was being trained by Snoke. 

2 weeks after that news Han Solo and Chewie left. 

She understood. For some reason she always understood people. It was their way of dealing with it. Leia got into work. She said it was just work, but Y/N knew that while she was working, she was looking for him. 

What about Y/N? She helped with the resistance. Going on missions, helping some refugees from cities taken by the empire, and running all over the base when she was left with nothing to do. 

When Poe arrived he wondered if he had made the right decision to join the resistance. He was 23 years old and had lost so much. It was presented to everyone except Y/N. The younger people at the base did not understand her, especially why she did not speak. The older ones knew, but they didn't say why. 

The younger ones said that since she was a Jedi and could not say anything if she did could die, others said that her voice could kill everyone. Poe thought this idea was stupid, just another gossip. He had seen her from a distance, and had already realized that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. 

Their first interaction was in a meeting. Actually, it wasn't exactly an interaction. He was talking to one of the mechanics after the meeting, and as he looked into his eyes he saw a flash of fear and gave an apology and left. When he went to protest he felt a hand on his shoulder. To his surprise he turned and saw her, C3-PO and her droid, BC-2.

"Hello Mr. Poe Dameron. Miss Y/N would like to congratulate you on your flight on the last mission." As C3-PO spoke, Poe couldn't take his eyes out of her eyes. He knew she was pretty, but when he saw her up close he ran out of air. Y/N also looked at him, but in a more uncomfortable way. It's been so long for her since anyone actually looked at her. Suddenly Poe became aware that he was not breathing and pulled the air in a very noisy way. "An, it's... An, o-thank you lady, hm Lady Y/N." Poe had a shock, because he realized it was the first time a woman had him stutter. And Y/N hadn't even exchanged a syllable with him. 

"She also wanted to ask about the maneuver you made when that ship came towards you, could you explain?" C3-PO said again and Poe explained quickly, leaving no opportunity for him to stutter again. Y/N heard everything looking directly at his face, paying more attention than she paid for in the Jedi lessons with Luke. When he finished explaining C3-PO looked at y/n, in which she waved and the droid returned to look at Poe. "Thank you Mr Poe Dameron, mrs y/n is grateful. If you'll excuse me, I have some obligations to deal with right now. I hope I helped you Ma'am." Then the droid left, leaving Poe and Y/n. 

They stared at each other for a while longer when she realized she should leave. She turned to leave and for the first time in 6 months, in a hoarse whisper she said, "Thank you." Poe listened, and when he heard he shuddered and realized he needed to meet this woman. Y/N didn't even realize she'd spoken, she thought she'd just waved. She was so tired of the mission, she just wanted to get out of that meeting as soon as possible. But when she saw the incredible new endurance rider in the corner, looking a little lost, she knew he needed to exchange some interaction with him.

As soon as the meeting was over she pulled the protocol droid into an empty corner and asked him to mediate the conversation. She realized that she had "talked" to someone besides her mother for the first time the next day. She was so ashamed that her hands trembled all day. She thanked her that she didn't have to go out with the x-wing that day, because she knew that before she left the hangar she would lose control. 

Leia meet Poe 3 days later. She had finally taken some time to talk to the new resistance star. Where she was going she hear about the amazing new pilot. She called the boy into her office and talked. They spent 30 minutes talking nonstop. It seemed little, but they met and Leia could already see the good-hearted man and the boy hiding behind his face. She had a brief perception with the force, that this man could one day take her place as a general. Who knows even maybe with YN´s help.

As Poe was about to leave he turned around and asked Leia, "General, do you know Mrs. Y/n?" "Yes, I do, why?" Leia realized that Poe did not know that Y/n was her daughter, but did not mention this fact. She wanted to know what he was going to say. "She, um, talked to me. I mean, she didn't talk to me. C3-PO spoke for her. But, um I... You know what? I have to go, have a good day, General!" And so Poe left leaving the woman surprised. 

Her daughter didn't talk to anyone but her, she knew. Even if it was by C3-PO it was already a major breakthrough. She saw an interest in Poe for the girl, but kept that information to her. 

3 weeks later she had one idea. She was going to send both in a mission. Leia sent them together because she realized that even if they didn't talk they felt comfortable with each other. At all the meetings they sat nearby, at lunchtime they sat together. If Poe was somewhere Y/N was next to him, and if Y/N was somewhere, Poe would be there. 

The mission was pretty simple actually. Go to this uninhabitable planet, where it had been the last base of the resistance and seek some plans and reports of ancient missions. But it would last at least two weeks to get back and going. Poe accepted and went to pack his things. He didn't question it. He wasn't excited about the mission itself, but he knew it was an oportunnity going in a mission with Y/n. He wanted to at least try to talk to her. She didn't have to answer if she didn't want to. 

But Y/N knew her mother was up to something. She wouldn't send a Jedi and one of her best pilots just to pick up some old plans that no longer make sense these days. "What are you up to?" Her hoarse voice because of disuse brought a shiver all over her body, but she ignored him. Her mother looked at her and smiled. "Nothing dear. Now go and pack your things. Before you go come here to say goodbye to me, all right?" Y/n stared at her mother a little more and headed out towards his room. Together some clothes, took a blaster and the saber. She stopped by the office, hugged her mother and she said goodbye with a look saying 'take care'. She didn't want to lose another son. 

Poe was waiting outside the ship assigned to them. For some reason the news that he was going on a mission with the girl had already spread all over the base. Had he just received the assignment for the mission, how everyone already knew? And how did they know he was going with Y/n? Some of the mechanics and pilots who passed him wishing good luck. But he knew it wasn't good luck for the mission. He knew it was 'good luck to deal with the girl'. He understood the message between the lines. 

Y/n knew about all the theories that they had about her, but she knew she had more important things to deal with. Like a brother in the empire, a missing uncle, a missing father who refused to say where he was and only responded to her broadcasts by telling the latest news and that he was fine. And the war she knew was imminent. 

The girl quickly passed through all the corridors and went to the hangar, finding Poe and her droid playing. It was kind of funny. Y/N put her hand on his back and Poe who was kneeling to reach the time of the droid. Poe looked up and found her eyes. She waved toward the ship. A small one, but one that had enough room for both of them and the droids. 

"Yes, of course, let's go. Come BB-8." Before he even got up right he had already taken the bag off her shoulders and walked to the entrance of the ship leaving no time for her to deny the attitude. Y/N, confused, went up the ramp and while Poe kept her purse she began to turn on the ship and close the ramp. While Y/N sat in place of co-pilot Poe came to take control of the ship. "Let's get this baby off the ground." 

Y/N took a deep breath, knowing it would be a long 2 weeks without speaking.

[paperback-rascal]

special thanks to @kalm5 for such enthusiastic response to my The Bad Batch x The Witcher crossover despite the fact that I kind-of, sort-of hijacked their original post >.>

More information about this drawing is under the cut (as always):

Kaminioans are, in this AU, a group of elves very skilled in alchemy. They oversaw many of witcher Trials at the peak of Witchers "production". Nala Se was especially involved in the project. She knew more about the witchers than the monster slayers knew about themselves. She also knew to keep it simple with them - which is stay away from them as much as possible.

Some time later*, to her horror, Nala Se was forced to ask a witcher for help. Hunter, a novice at the time, was the one who aided her in need and, as naive and full of ideals as he was at the time, invoked "Law of surprise" as a payment. The reward he asked Nala Se for was to give him what she already have, but doesn't know of yet.

She agreed, thinking she'd get away scot-free as there was nothing she already possessed that she knows nothing of and even if there was such a thing it wouldn't be anything of significance. As it turned out Nala Se was pregnant at the time - despite having a fling with a human not so long before, she didn't considered it for a second as an valid option for her, as elves have hard time reproducing so she was "overconfident" with her "problematic fertility" (A/N: it's far easier for an elf to reproduce with a human than with their fellow elves - yes, it's a PIVOTAL yet background bit of the witcher lore!).

Since Nala Se always wanted to have a child, especially a girl, she accepted Omega as her own despite the girl being a half-elf. As a scientist Nala Se didn't believe in destiny, but, having "a bad feeling" about her deal with Hunter, the alchemist did everything in her power for him and Omega to never meet. Her decision brought a lot of pain, suffering and even death to everyone involved in her schemes, as destiny is not something you can trick or ignore. All of her efforts ultimately lead to Nala Se's downfall, which finally brought Omega and Hunter together.

---

* In the witcher universe only humans lives are "short". The "non-humans" (like elves, dwarfs, gnomes, dryads, halflings, supernatural beings, etc) and most monsters are long-living creatures. The longer lifespan also applies to humans changed by magic: mages, sorceresses/sorcerers, witchers, etc. thus certain events in this crossover could take decades or even centuries. That's why in one of my previous posts about the crossover I've noted that The Bad Batch can have ridiculously big age-diffrences yet look and act like they were roughly the same age.

===

STAR WARS: The Clone Wars/The Bad Batch © George Lucas/ Dave Filoni/ LucasFilm/ Disney

The witcher saga (books) © Andrzej Sapkowski/ The witcher video games © CDProjektRED/ Hexer (movie & TV series) © Heritage Films/ The Witcher TV series © Netflix

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

i just read your post in which you ranked the twilight movies from best to worst and you mentioned a lot of the scenes were pointless to the movies, and i was wondering what scenes you would have used, in place, to make the movies better and more watchable

Asker is referring to this post.

A Caveat

It's okay to like the movies.

I may hate them and find them not only utterly dull but nigh unwatchable, but you're not me, and most of this site adores the movies. (Even the ones that claim they hate it, they loved that thirty-minute wedding in Breaking Dawn, every second of it.)

So, just because I don't like something doesn't mean I'm right or wrong. It just means I have opinions and people enjoy asking me about them for God only knows what reasons.

The Other Caveat

That wasn't the only reason they were bad movies.

Oh, it certainly helped, but I'll put it like this. Even with liberal editing and a very draconian screenwriter, they would not be good movies. There was the directing, the acting (even by phenomenal actors who, bless them, were doing what they were told and so we get Sheen's delightfully awful Aro), the special effects, etc.

At its heart, what really did Twilight in, was that the producers wanted to make money.

Oh, producers always do, it's their job, but in this case it was egregious. They were producing a cash cow and they knew it, throw enough fan service at the walls and the teenage girls will stream into your theater.

That kind of thinking is the death sentence of any story as it means a) a misunderstanding of what the point of your story is even about b) the sole concern not being to tell a story but to desperately make sure the broadest audience possible likes it and throws money at it.

The Twilight saga films were never going to be on par with The Godfather.

But Alright, You've Hired Muffin as Your Editor

Not screenwriter, mind you, as I would not be the one you want writing your Twilight adaptation. Meyer would have killed me and thrown a tantrum upon seeing my script, I'm sure.

But I'm editing and I get to decide which scenes you have to sit through and which ones you don't.

Rather than write a pretend script for you, I'll just go over the highlights:

Breaking Dawn Part One: The Wedding and Honeymoon

I would have cut the wedding. The wedding would take place during the opening credits as a montage, we'd get our fill of Bella in a dress, Edward in his suit, the beautiful atmosphere, and then we get a montage of them flying to Brazil, having their wedding night, and when the dialogue starts up it's the morning after and Bella and Edward explain that they're married, on Edward's private island, AND THEY JUST HAD SEX.

That's all we need to know, that's where the plot begins, everything else is fanservice. HALF AN HOUR OF POINTLESS FAN SERVICE.

Minutes are precious in cinema, we can't waste that much time on a scene that does nothing for the plot.

(And watch as people throw tomatoes at my head BECAUSE THAT WEDDING WAS PERFECT AND ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY)

I'd also skip most of the honeymoon through montages. We'd learn that Edward was very terrified of having sex with her, that this isn't a done thing, but we would not have to see the whole damn honeymoon. The next major scene is Bella getting sick and realizing that this film is actually Rosemary's Baby.

Eclipse: Bree Tanner's Short Life

I'd cut all the Bree scenes. Eclipse, in and of itself, was a giant mess of pointlessness. The movie had no idea what it was even about or even doing so it kept throwing canon spaghetti at the wall in the hopes that this made a cohesive story.

Edward and Bella aren't doing anything? Uh, LOOK AT THESE HOMELESS PEOPLE IN SEATTLE!

By introducing the Bree storyline we have more characters we don't really get to know or ever really get attached to. It also spoils the mystery of figuring out what's really going on behind the scenes with Victoria.

I'd also have cut the wolves + Cullens chase Victoria through the woods scene. It's just... so cheesy and pointless. All we need to know is them bickering and that the hunt is not going well.

What Scenes Would I Replace Them With?

I wouldn't.

Breaking Dawn had such a catastrophically long run time that it was made into two parts. It became two films about nothing. Rather like watching Waiting for Godot, actually.

They don't have to be replaced by anything, and if they are, then that scene better do something to advance the plot or our understanding of the characters.

But this is a weird exercise because what you're asking is "What would your Twilight screenplay look like" and the answer is that Meyer would murder me and you don't want me writing your Twilight screenplay.

So, it's probably best I stop here.

[shortprince-cos]

Presents Or Pranks?

Summary: Janus assumes his "secret admirer" is a prankster, but a familiar face proves him wrong.

Ship: Romantic Moceit (Patton x Janus)

Warnings: Stabbing mention (doesn't actually happen i swear-), pranking mention, high school, Valentine's Day(?). Tell me if I need to add anything else!

Note: Happy Valentine's Day!!! Hope you have a good day regardless of if you have a s/o or not! Also i forgot that Valentine's day wasn't on a school day this year, so ignore that cause i didn't want to rewrite it. Pretend its an AU.

Thank you to @emy-loves-you for helping me with some plot (and basically every other fic I've written)!

~~~~~

If there was ever a time for Janus to develop anxiety, it would be now.

For weeks he had been wondering who kept putting letters - love letters - in his locker at least twice a week. The last letter had said to meet him here, under the bleachers on the football field, after school, on Valentine's Day.

There were two possible situations that this could turn into: One, this was a really elaborate prank and he was about to either get humiliated or stabbed, whichever came first, or two, someone who has a crush on him was about to meet him, and he would have to break their heart or make out with them.

At least if he gets attacked he can defend himself, and humiliate the stranger instead. If it was an admirer, then they would both be humiliated.

He hoped it was a prankster, because if the person was real, they seemed really sweet, and Janus didn't want to do that to them.

It's probably some straight girl who wants a bad boy. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened, but Janus was tired of explaining that he was gay to every girl he ever crossed paths with.

The letters and gifts had always been very stereotypical, like ones you would see in rom-coms and books. They usually consisted of chocolates, little poems, and pressed yellow flowers.

They were all really sweet gifts (especially the chocolates), but Janus still couldn't help but worry over who the 'admirer' was.

Janus anxiously checked his phone. The stranger was seven minutes late.

It was probably a prankster, and he was probably being filmed right now. Janus looked around, but all that was there was an empty football field.

Janus sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

Would a prankster even put this much effort into a joke? This was going on for weeks, and unless this person really hated Janus, he doubted it was a prank. As awful as that was.

Who would even have a crush on Janus, anyway? He wasn't exactly nice or pretty, he was mean and- well, he wasn't ugly, but he definitely wasn't charismatic.

His whole aesthetic was 'stay away from me', so he always wondered why that seemed to attract girls to him, until Remus enlightened him.

"They want a bad boy." Remus explained one day. "They think the idea of an angry guy with a soft spot only for them, is sexy."

"That's stupid." Janus had replied.

And it was stupid- is stupid. What kind of girl wants someone who's mean to them? Janus blamed the Twilight saga.

Janus checked his phone again. Eleven minutes late.

Janus cursed and decided to call it quits. He picked up his backpack and started walking towards the parking lot before he heard someone shouting something behind him.

He looked back towards the football field to see a short, blond, boy, running at him as fast as they could.

"W-Wait!" They yelled.

Janus waited for the short person to catch up, when they did, they put their hands on their knees, trying to catch their breath.

They looked kind of familiar, but everyone does when you go to the same highschool.

"Sorry- sorry!" The stranger looked up at him with blue eyes looking through round glasses. "I'm so sorry I'm late! I promise I didn't mean to be, but my teacher wanted to talk to me after class about my grades, and I tried to tell her I was late, but she wouldn't listen! And then my friends wanted advice about their gifts for their partners, and I got caught up! I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting!"

Janus knew he should probably be listening to what the shorter boy was saying, but all his mind was thinking was that he was rather adorable.

"W-What?"

Oh, did he say that out loud?

Janus smirked. "You're adorable when you're rambling."

The boy blushed quickly. "I- u-uh- thank you?"

Janus chuckled. "So, you're the one putting those gifts in my locker?"

The blue-eyed stranger shifted on his feet. "Y-Yeah, I did. I did wanna talk to you about that! Which, is the whole reason we're here- obviously- why else would we-?" He giggled nervously. "Anyway, the reason I put those there is because...uh- I kinda- maybe sorta...like you?"

"Why?" Janus immediately asked.

"I- what?"

Janus crossed his arms. "You said you liked me, and I want to know why."

"O-Oh. I didn't expect you to- uh- ask that?"

"Well, do you have a reason, or-?"

"No- yeah! Of-of course I do...you-you want to hear it?"

"No, I just asked because I was curious." Janus answered sarcastically.

"R-Right. Yeah, okay, um- well-"

Janus smirked as he saw the shorter one fumble over his words.

"Well, over winter break? You uh- you volunteer at an animal shelter in the next town over?"

Janus' eyes widened in shock. "How did you-"

"I work there too! I do every weekend when I'm at my dad's house! Uh- anyway, I saw you there over winter break, and you were just so...soft, with the animals, and it was really cute to see you playing with kittens, and you always took the older dogs on walks because they were sad they never got adopted, ooh! And then you helped me carry some boxes in that one time 'cause no one else was, and you kinda called me pretty? I guess that part isn't as important, heh- oh my gosh I'm rambling! I'm sorry!"

Janus was shocked at how specific this guy's examples were. Then he thought about the situations again.

"You had blue hair."

The bubbly boy's face lit up. "You remember me?"

"A little. You cried when puppies got adopted."

"Can you blame me?! I loved playing with them, and I just wanted to make sure they got a good home!"

Janus outright laughed - which, if you talked to Janus' friends, they would claim that Janus only laughed when a kid fell off a bike.

"S-Sorry- I-" Janus laughed a bit more. "That was the most innocent thing I've ever heard."

The blue-clad boy pouted and crossed his arms in the least intimidating way possible.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Janus apologized while still chuckling slightly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. A-Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that okay I'll be going now-"

"Wait." Janus said before the smaller one ran off. "What are you doing tonight?"

"O-Oh! I'm not doing anything...why?"

"The dance tonight? Would the unnamed stranger in front of me like to go?"

"Oh my gosh! I'm sorry, I totally forgot to introduce myself! My name's Patton!"

Janus smiled. "Alright then. Would you like to go to the dance with me, Patton?"

Patton immediately blushed more. "Oh gosh, you don't have to-"

Janus took Patton's hand in his own and brought it up to his lips. "Now why wouldn't I want to take my beautiful admirer to a nice dance?" He pressed a kiss to Patton's knuckles and watched as Patton's face turned even redder.

"I-I...y-yeah, I wanna go with you!" He squeaked out.

Janus dropped Patton's hand. "I'll see you tonight, then?"

"Y-Yeah, sure!"

Janus picked up his bag again as Patton started to gather his as well. "Oh, and, Patton?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope you know that I will have to repay you for those presents you gifted me."

Patton sputtered. "You don't have to! I just wanted to give you something-"

"Nope, too late, I've already decided." Janus started walking back towards the parking lot. "See you later, cutie!"

Thinking about the future dance, Janus decided that maybe an admirer was better than a prankster after all.

~~~~~

Sorry this is so short, but I thought something was better than nothing! I hope you guys enjoyed!

General Taglist: @resident-crow-goth @macademmia @theantisocialghost @foreverfangirlalways @emo--nightmaree @moxy--sanders101 @quinnthequeer @gattonero17 @trashno0dles @tranquil-space-ninja @chaotic-murder-muffin @lugooble @sander-crossing @princess-rosie @sleepyysoot @hi-its-tutty @lookingforaplacetosleep @sarcasmremovedsoul @corkeecoderyt @drarrymalecsolangelo @private-snippers @girl-who-reads @emy-loves-you @reptilian-with-scallions

Ask to be added or removed!

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

[missymurphy1985]

Nobody's Perfect (part 9)

Warnings - smut / talk of baby loss / IVF

I've taken massive artistic license with the storyline of Peaky Blinders... There's no spoilers in here (not everyone's seen it so didn't wanna use real scenes) no disrespect to the writers!!

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers

Sat in your makeup chair with your makeup artist Katie, you were feeling mixed emotions. Happy that series 2 had begun filming again after a 12 month break, but sad at the prospect of having to use a fake pregnancy bump under your costume again. You had hoped and prayed it would be a real one, but the first 2 rounds of IVF hadn't been successful, both ending in miscarriages at 6 weeks.

You'd both agreed that round 3 would be the final one. Cillian was confident, you weren't as much. Two miscarriages had taken more of a toll on you than you expected, and you couldn't help but well up a little when the large bump was strapped around your waist and your dress pulled over the top. Even more painful was the fact you would have to go through Clara's labour and birth in your first scene, with Tommy being the one to deliver the baby alone. It wasn't Steve's fault, neither of you had told anyone about your personal circumstances, and the scripts for this had been written months ago, before your first round of IVF had even begun.

Cillian walked in, fully dressed as Tommy Shelby, peaky hair complete too making you smile. He hated it, but you found it incredibly sexy, and it always reminded you of how you'd met. Katie finished off your lipstick and held your shoulders to look at you properly. Nodding and smirking at her own skills, making you chuckle, she headed off to find Helen.

"We don't have to do this y/n, I can delay the scene as long as you need. Fuck, I'll cancel the whole thing if you want me to?"

"Executive Producer perks huh? No Cillian, I can do this. The tears might be real though, I warn you." He held your face gently and sighed. He knew how much the miscarriages had hurt you, even if you'd never spoken properly of them. "I'm more concerned about Tommy Shelby delivering a baby to be honest!" He laughed and reverted into his Brummie accent.

"This man is capable of anything Clara." You smiled as the director came in to tell you the set was ready to go.

"ACTION!"

You lay down in the backseat of the car, legs open and breathing heavily, as Tommy was between them sweating profusely.

"Clara I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing here!"

"And I do Tommy??!! You fucking kidding me?? I need to push, can I push?" You screamed and mimicked pushing as best you could, before a baby's cry came from the speaker behind you and Tommy brought out the prop baby from under your dress. You saw him quickly swaddle the bundle in his jacket, before lifting it up for you to see. The camera on your face, you burst into tears. Completely unscripted, but perfect. Cillian fought back his own, staying as stoic Tommy Shelby, but grinning from ear to ear.

"CUT! Jesus guys that was amazing!" Anto called, enthralled by the performance he'd just seen. You gathered your dress up and mouthed a quick 'sorry' to Cillian before rushing off set back to your shared trailer.

You locked the door behind you, and fell to the floor sobbing. After 10 minutes, you could hear him walking across the gravel and try to open the door unsuccessfully.

"Y/n, let me in, please..."

"I'm fine Cillian, I just need to get changed. I'll be out in a minute." You lied, and your voice cracking told him as much.

"Open the door." His tone more forceful now, a side of him that was unfamiliar to you. Standing up, you unlocked it, and sank onto the small sofa in the corner.

"I'm sorry..." You cried, as he stood in the kitchen area not moving.

"Why won't you talk to me y/n? Every time I try talking to you about it you close up and shut me out! I lost those babies too, you know that?"

"You didn't have to go through the pain! The empty feeling inside knowing they weren't there anymore! The milestones we should have hit by now - first kick! The scans! All of it, gone in the blink of an eye!"

You saw Cillian's face contort in a combination of anger and hurt. His eyes watering as he turned to face the other way.

"I can't fucking deal with you right now." He didn't say another word, just left the trailer and you behind. You called out after him, realising just how selfish and hurtful you'd been, but he ignored you. Picking up a mug you threw it at the door after he'd closed it.

You walked into the hotel room later that day to find it empty. His bag gone, toothbrush gone, everything of his.. gone. You tried calling but he cancelled your calls, sending them to voicemail so you texted him instead.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Cillian. I know you're hurting too, okay... I'm sorry." He'd read it, but no reply. When you called again, his phone was turned off. Probably staying with Joe.. but you decided not to go to Joe's room. Instead you called Sophie. Within 20 minutes she was at your door with a bottle of wine, snacks and a movie.

"You sounded like you needed a girls night?" Tash appeared behind her, as well as Helen. The four of you bundled into your double bed and Helen paused everyone.

"Now are you going to tell us what's happened and why Cillian is in the bar downstairs on his own nursing a drink he's had for nearly an hour?" Helen was his closest friend onset - nothing ever got past her. You told them all about what you'd been through, from the wedding saga to the IVF and the miscarriages. And how you'd gone postal at Cillian in your trailer.

"Well that explains why he nearly knocked the priest out for real earlier today, I thought we'd need to hold him back at one point..." Sophie spoke, and put an arm over your shoulder.

"As if he couldn't feel bad enough I then go off about how upset I am... How selfish could I possibly be?"

"Hey, you're allowed to be upset! You've had the year from hell from the sounds of it! Y/n as much as he's hurting too, you've got the physical pain alongside it. That doesn't make it worse, but surely he has to consider that?" Tash soothed.

"We've never spoken about it until today. That scene giving birth floored me, I don't know how I got through it... Just seeing him with the baby, and knowing it'll never happen..."

"Will you let me talk to him?" Helen asked gently. You looked at her. If anyone could talk to him, other than you, it was her. You nodded, and she made her way out and down to the bar. Tash and Soph pulled out the snacks and put the DVD on.

"While Helen's on crisis management, we're continuing this girly night. No more talk of babies or men. Agreed?" You laughed as Sophie took charge.

"Agreed." Tash and you said in unison. In the back of your mind, you hoped Helen would help fix this, she had to.

[lovesgonnabe]

Love Is Worth It Episode V - We Got The Pandemic Blues Under a New York City Skyline

Characters: Chris Evans x Maya Alonso-Evans (Black OFC)

Warnings: straight fluff, cursing, implied smut.

Word Count: 3485

Summary: What happens in NYC stays in NYC!

AN: The NYC Skyline prompt is by @iguessweallcrazyithinktho thank you so much for letting me use your theme I hope I did it justice. If you haven't read any of her stuff what are you doing get on it!

Disclaimer: There’s only slight edits so there may be errors. Also if you haven’t noticed this series will have many time jumps and things referenced here may make more sense later on in the series when new episodes come out so please bear with me.

Taglist: @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss, @canadian-girl87, @i-just-like-fanfics, @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful​ if you would like to join the taglist message me.

Please leave a note and tell me what you think!

June 13th, 2020

Being with Chris had its many perks but not working was definitely one Maya never wanted to take advantage of.

When Chris first brought it up when they got engaged she looked at him like he had two heads and said “I worked to hard put myself through school to get these expensive ass letters behind my name to just stay my ass at home” and that was the last time they had that conversation.

But fast forward to 2020 If you told Maya that she would have to close both of her dermatology offices in the middle of award season a few months ago she would have laughed at you.

She just couldn’t see herself not working because she loved what she does, but with both New York and Boston putting in place stay at home orders there’s nothing she could do.

It didn't help that it was only Maya in Boston dealing with work and all that entails, Delilah's up in the air school situation, and a whole hoax of things while Chris was in L A being as supportive of a husband and father as he could be on the other side of the country.

At least Dodger was being pretty normal.

Thanks to Chris's family for being so helpful where they could because for a minute Maya felt like she was beginning to drown.

This saga starts with the beginning of the pandemic.

January was chill there were whispers that there was a deadly pandemic on the horizon but no one took it seriously.

February Chris had left at the beginning of the month to LA to promote his new show Defending Jacob and it wasn't like anything out of the ordinary the couple worked, and called each other daily.

Chris told her he'd have to be there through March but would be home in time for Maya's birthday in April.

Her lawsuit against Boston PD was settled out of court for an undisclosed amount that was donated to charity and trust me that lawsuit cost them a pretty penny because Chris was threatening to go to the press and Boston PD did not need anymore negative press.

After finding out that the older officer already had many reports against him for abuse of power he was "let go" by Boston PD and the other officer was demoted to desk duty and sent Maya an apology letter for his actions

She thinks he only did it because her husband is Chris Evans but she tries not to be a cynic.

In mid March with her offices were forced to close and the lives of her twenty employees were in her hands, but sin there was no money coming in she had to regrettably furlough all of them until she could open back up.

This news could come at a worse time because Lilah's school was trying to transition them to online learning for the rest of the year.

So Maya now had to also be her home school teacher for the last 2 months before summer vacation .

Maya does feel blessed because she was still able to teach some derm online classes through NYU, and her family was healthy but Chris still wasn't home.

Because of travel restrictions in LA on April 1st Maya found out that the earliest Chris could be home was in possibly July or Mid June if they are lucky because he need to start filming for Grey Man that was set in Boston.

Then rumors started to swirl that Chris could be cheating on Maya but

She doesn't play that and isn't a dummy

Chris isn't stupid and

He's been in their home in LA quarenting with his brother Scott the whole time so if some foul shit did happen she would be the first one to know and on the first jet smoking to beat some ass.

But hey when it rains it pours.

In interviews Chris would say he was "quartining with his family at home in Boston."

They would try to make the spaces look just like Chris and Maya's homebase in Boston even going as far as strategically moving photos of them in the background to make it look like his office at home.

And it actually work most people thought Chris was in Boston anyways and it was all gossip the others thought he went back home to clean up this mess.

But nope Chris was not in Boston he was 2,764 miles away and this time it all just felt different and he hated not being able to be there with them during this crazy uncertain time and Maya just needed a vacation.

In April Maya and Delilah just had dinner at the house for her birthday they facetimed Chris and once Liliah had gone to bed Chris and Maya had sexytime over the phone.

The rest of the month Maya just went with the flow and did the same through June.

Now we are all caught up and in the present day.

It's Chris's 39th birthday but he was still in LA.

Maya stayed up to call him at midnight in LA because that was their tradition but now it was about 12pm and Chris has not picked up any of her phone calls Maya was annoyed.

Maya and Delilah sat in the Den as Maya was detangling Delilah's freshly washed hair getting ready to put her curly hair into braids as Mulan played on the tv in front of them.

"Mommy can I call dad it's his birthday and I haven't got to talk to him today. Lilah says playing with Maya's phone.

"Go ahead sweetheart maybe you'll have better luck them me." said Maya as she sectioned Lilah's hair.

As the facetime ringtone went Dodger who was laying in his dog bed next to Lilah began to bark and then he ran for the front door Maya looked that way but didn't see anything since the alarm didn't go off either which she found strange.

She shrugged it off only for a second until she heard a bag hit the ground as she quickly stood up the only thought in her head was to protect Delilah helping her to hide under the couch.

As the person entered their den Dodger continued to bark and she grabbed a pair hair scissors about to attack the intruder until she saw his face and exhaled the breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"CHRIS you scared the shit out of me" she said before he could say anything.

He laughed "Baby I didn't mean to scare you" Chris said

Lilah screamed and crawled from under the couch.

"daddy, daddy, daddy I missed you and Happy Birthday." Lilah said running into Chris's arm.

"I missed you to babycakes you been taking care of mommy for me" Chris said holding Lilah and walking towards a still shocked Maya.

He kissed Maya's forehead trying to pull her into a hug but she rolled her eyes and pushed his hand away.

"Chris i thought you weren't coming home till July" Maya asked

Chris shrugged "plans change now are you gonna come and give daddy a kiss you what"

He said flopping on the couch with Lilah on his lap.

Mays sucked her teeth peeked his lips and told Lilah to come so she could finish her hair.

Her saltiness cause Chris to laugh as Lilah moved over to her mom.

They were sitting on the same couch so Chris bent over and began to whisper in her ear. "Stop acting like that baby I wanted to surprise you"

Maya gave minimal response and Chris didn't like that so then he brought heat.

When he walked Maya had on a beige short set the top was fairly tin and the shorts barely covered her ass, he could see her nipples stand at attention on her delicious breast when walked.

It's been 3 months since he's had sex with his wife and boy can he feel it. He gave her tigh a firm squeeze now pecking her spot behind her ear forcing Maya to stop mid greasing Lilah's scalp to take a deep breath.

"if you stop acting up tonight I'll do that thing with my tongue that you like if not daddy won't be letting you cum at all tonight.

Chris said moving his body back to his original position smirking at his shooken up wife whose attitude did a 180 quick, fast and in a hurry.

Chris was no home and with his girls and he couldn’t be any happier.

After braiding Delilah's hair Maya went and they dropped her off at Chris’s moms which was a fight in itself because she wanted to stay with her daddy but Maya had other plans.

The original plan was to take Chris out of the country for his birthday but plans change.

Before Chris showed up today Maya had nothing planned for Chris's birthday because he was not suppose to be home they were just going to the same thing they did for her birthday.

On there way back home my had an idea with there hands intertwined Maya began to speak.

“So birthday boy what do you want to do for your birthday” Maya asked

“You know I don’t care as long as I’m with you my love” Chris said kissing her hand.

Maya giggled “Well we’ve dropped Dede at your moms and Scott said he could take Dodger”

She states looking at the puppy through the rear view mirror as Chris began to rub is thumb over her knuckles.

“It seems you already have a plan for us babe” he smirks

“I know you are just getting home but how about we drop Dodger off and I was thinking maybe drive to New York, I need to get out of Boston and have a bit of a staycation”. She said.

Chris chuckled and looked at Maya as the stopped at the red light.

“Wherever you lead I’ll follow. He said

“You are so corny old man” Maya laughed as she leaned over and peek his sweet lips.

They continued their drive to Scotts and talked enjoying eachothers company for the first time in a while, they were so wrapped up in each other that Dodger had to bark to remind Chris he was about to pass Scoots house .

Maya laughed at the puppy then pet him telling him how good of a dog he is.

“Alright birthday boy Scott has Dodger now let's switch its my turn to drive you around” She said.

They headed home to pick up a few things and then The Evans were off and headed for there trip.

After the 3 and 1/2 hour drive they got to New York and the barren streets shocked them.

They are staying in there penthouse apartment on the upper east side that over looks Central Park and New York's famous skyline.

Before settling in Maya decided to get groceries once she got back Jazz played softly in her ears as the punchy aroma of the candle Slow Burn hit her nose.

“Hey Chris I'm back” she called out to him.

She was met without a response just the smooth stylings of Frank Sinatra.

Maya put the groceries in the kitchen and headed to their master bedroom.

Kicking her shoes off and following the rose petals into the bathroom that revealed Chris who sat in all his glory in the pink tinted bathtub.

Apparently he did not hear her as his eyes stayed closed and his arms outstretched.

And all Maya could do was admire the greek god that was her husband.

His long wingspan encompassed the entire back of the tub as his strong biceps would flex ever deep breath he took. And don't to get Maya started on those baby blues which were one of the only things Lilah did not get from Chris. Those same blue eyes were now looking straight at her.

“I was hoping you’d be back soon” he said

Raising his head to look at his goddess of a wife smirking at him.

“So I’m guessing you would like me to join you?” She asked

Maya teased him as she began to slowly remove her clothes.

“Hey aren’t I the birthday boy that shouldn’t even be a question Maya so you better bring your sexy ass in here” Chris said to her as his arms still laid on the back of the tub looking like a king”

Maya stepped in with Chris’s help the warm water encapsulating her body as she sinks down.

She sighs in satisfaction when her body is finally completely in the water as she lays into Chris’s embrace.

They just sit there and enjoy each other company, washing the dirt off of each other from the day, and stealing kisses from one another.

Maya and Chris were that couple you loved to hate they didn’t show off their love that much with Chris’s anxiety and Maya’s destain for public scrutiny because she’s black woman with a man of Chris stature, PDA was mostly off the table. However behind closed doors they are the cutest most intimate couple you’d ever meet.

Once she was clean from her road dirt Maya left the water first placing a kiss on Chris’s lips as she headed to start dinner and Chris laid back and continued to relax.

Once Chris finally got out the bath he found Maya in the kitchen halfway finished with dinner.

“Jesus babe it smells fantastic in here and I see you changed the music” Chris said

He was now fully dressed in a blue t-shit in matching joggers, his hair damp from the bath as Lauryn Hill's rendition of Can't Take My Eyes off of You played in the background.

She chuckled “only the best for you my king”

"Mhm I like the sound of that" He said as he went in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of white wine and poured them both a glass.

She was at the counter cutting up veggies.

“Ok so how long do I have wait before I can devour all this?” he asked placing the glass in front of Maya.

They took their first cheers of the night tapping the glasses together.

Maya took a sip and moan at the taste of the wine.

“Soon Chris don’t stress it babe you will be fed very soon” she said.

Her hips began to sway to the music as she hummed along.

At long last, love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive

Chris walked up behind her wrapping her arms around waist swaying with her body and catching the rhythm.

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

Moving her hair to her left shoulder Chris begins to kiss her neck.

"Remember when we first bought this place." Chris asked

"Yes you didn't want to you said my place in Brooklyn was enough for us" Maya said putting the knife down and melted into Chris's strong arms.

"Mmm but you did an excellent job at convincing me why we need this place, 3 bedrooms right in the Heart of the city just for times likes these when want to get away." Chris said with his arms still wrapped around her.

She laughed "I thought it was because you fucked me against the balcony on our terrace is why you said yes"

He smirked at the memory "well that to"

Chris sucked on her neck and moved his down her satin dress but the timer on the pot decided to be a cock block and go off before he could make a move.

He groaned and Maya laughed directed him to get ready to eat.

Just as the food was finishing up Chris set the dining table for two, taking the rest of the flowers from his bath laying them out between the kitchen and there Terrence where they were having dinner overlooking the city.

It was a beautiful night. There was a soft breeze and the city was a glow quieter that usual but still a sight to behold.

Maya brought out the food as Chris poured them another glass, they both sat prayed then rose their glasses to cheers again.

During dinner Chris made some corny jokes that always seemed to put Maya in a better mood as Maya would slyly rub her foot up Chris’s pant leg.

Next came dessert still out on the terrace they shared a slice of cake (more like Maya fed Chris cake) which is how she ended up in his lap enjoying the very expensive yet immaculate view they had from their home.

He rubbed her thigh as he kisses her shoulder just thinking of the fastest way to get Maya out of her dress.

"god you are beautiful" Chris said

His hand now playing with the trim of her panties under her strappy white satin dress.

"Oh no birthday boy you not fucking me out here tonight you gotta come inside for your last present" Maya said.

Chris groaned Maya got up seductively waking back inside her curves just begging him to follow her

“This woman Is going to be the death of me” Chris thought as he came back inside and closed the door that lead to the terrace.

Maya handed Chris his third and final glass of wine of the night.

He raised an eyebrow "Are you trying to get me drunk Mrs. Evans so you can have your way with me?" he asked.

Taking a sip from his glass he smacked Maya the ass and watched it move as she walked towards their living room.

She laughed "I wouldn't have to get you drunk to have my way with you Mr. Evans"

Their living room had floor to ceiling windows that overlook Chris's second favorite city, and that's where Maya stood wine glass in hand looking all the people that looked like ants. But all Chris could think about was how this woman fell for him.

She watched the scenery and he watched her but when that signature trumpet blew he remembered that the music was still playing and so did she.

Maya turned around to see Chris was watching her one hand in his pocket and the other still holding his wine, she made a face at him.

"What are you looking at me like that Chris, you ok?” she asked hand on her hip taking another drink from her glass.

The moon shined off her skin like she was in the sun, her white dress reminding him of their wedding day the way it hugged her figure.

Still speechless Chris walked up to her placing both of their glasses on the coffee table, he brushed her hair behind her ear and she moans nuzzling her head in his touch.

"Baby I am absolutely perfect because I am here with you" he says.

Chris softly pulls her by the waist bringing her flush against her body as raspy voice of Louis Armstrong in Le Vie En Rose brought butterfly’s to Maya’s stomach because this was their song.

His hands lay softly on her waist as her arms lay around his shoulder as they dancer slowly around there living room.

Hold me close and hold me fast, The magic spell you cast, this is la vie en rose.

His cologne sent waves of pleasure and warmth through her body, when Maya laid her head on his chest not wanting to let him go. As their heartbeat became in sync the moonlight casted their sillones on the ground.

They were two lovers who were lost in eachother hoping to never get out and wanting to hide from the world it felt new but familiar.

Once the song ended Chris kissed her so deep and and passionately Maya thought she was gonna cum then and there.

Chris's hands moved from their previously respectable position making circle on her hips to the bottom of her ass telling Maya to jump causing Maya wrap her chocolate legs around his waist.

As Chris walked he kept repeating how much he missed Maya so much while he was in LA.

They couldn’t even make it back to their bedroom for their first round of many.

And Maya was a goner as Chris made love to her all night in every corner of their apartment as the city watched as the couple were engulfed with each other.

But there was a little voice in the back of Maya's head "Well damn how are we going to top 40 next year" it asked.

The preoccupied side of her brain shooed hat thought away so she could just enjoy being with her man at this moment.

Thanking god there was no more space between them like the miles before.

[chocolateslatte]

🚨The Rise of Skywalker Detailed Review and Spoilers Ahead🚨

George Lucas: “If the boy and girl walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand in the last scene, it adds 10 million to the box office”

The “fairytale” we got: A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there was a curse of pain and death in a family that just went on and on.  They were never able to break it and they all die, the end. 

Well, you did it JJ, you little punk...you ruined 40 years of cinema. Kids are coming out of theatres crying, they can’t understand. I guess this was the “fun and hopeful ending” you were speaking of during the press tours.  Are you on crack or something, or just sadistic....why would you promote it like that!? Did you forget Star Wars at its core is a story of hope, light, a fairytale in space for children? They did it...they united Reylo’s and Fanboys through hate. 

JJ you do realize tragical romances are only tragically romantic if there was romantic buildup? Romeo and Juliet married in secret, Anidala did as well and flirted in the fields. How was this supposed to be satisfying? A five-second beginning, middle, and end. How this went through multiple execs is beyond me.... I would have understood if Reylo was Rian’s creation. BUT JJ LITERALLY was the one who told Rian to go forth with it...he created Reylo so you can’t say the last Jedi derailed things on that front. JJ wasn’t brave enough for his own vision. This movie was like “the crimes of Grindlewald”, a lot of stuff happening that made me feel nothing. 

Okay, first things first. The OG trilogy was necessary, the prequels were necessary to set up that Vader did not start off bad. What was necessary about the sequels? They just dismantled everything the Skywalker family worked for. Why did we have to see ALL of our favorite characters die? Was the aim that a villain can only be redeemed through death? How original. I’m convinced what they were planning for since force awakens was a journey from villain to hero...but instead we got this a 10min redemption resulting in death a la Vader. Why call Adam Driver’s character a “Disney Prince”?When did Happy endings become so controversial? We go to the movies to feel hope, to escape reality...George Lucas understood that. JJ’s trilogy is uninspired, bland and contributes nothing to the saga. JJ went as far as to recon his own “The Force Awakens”.It had the chance to define generations but no. Literal and utter garbage. Rian made some odd choices but he was bold, unafraid and had the vision. HE knew emotion was at the heart of Star Wars.

WHERE DID THE SKYWALKERS RISE? MORE LIKE RISE OF PALPATINE,  HE BLOODY WON

BUT my problem is not with the ending, it’s the bloody entire movie. This movie made me realize that it's not Reylo that I am a fan of, it was Ben, Leia, Han, Ani, Padme, and all those other characters. I’m upset because this movie is not my Star Wars: of family, love and above all else hope. This is just a 2.5-hour video game with no emotions. This trilogy was all angst with NO payoff.

Okay, you will never ever convince me Palpatine was planned the whole time. This whole movie was retcon for the Last Jedi that pissed off the fanboys. Lucas films did not have an outline for the three films and Rian derailed whatever they wanted to do....except they didn’t even tell him what they wanted! This should be a cautionary tale of why you need to plan. Kylo ain’t bad, Snoke is gone....well pull out Palpatine I guess. This whole film is JJ’s mad scrambling.  Alright, I will humor you, tell me how Palpatine came back when he fell down a shaft and exploded....not *boom boom because of force*. The force in this movie is not canon George Lucas force, it’s just an easy out whenever JJ wants one. 

1. Opening Crawl: As soon as I saw this I knew all the leaks were true, I wanted to bolt from the theatre. When I saw them in August I laughed cause it was so ridiculous it couldn’t be true. How could Disney let a whole movie leak? The plot seemed like a bad fan-fiction. Actually, fanfics are way more true to lore. Anyway, so Palpatine “announces” that he’s back. Is this the shrewd Chancellor Palpatine we know? Certainly, not...why in the world would he announce it rather than keep on the DL and just attack. Yo Palps ain’t this dumb why would you let them (the resistance) prepare?? Because of plot...well okay. 

2. Did Last Jedi even happen:  this film is the sequel to the force awakens, like TLJ never happened...except it’s acting like there was some movie in between that JJ made. Okay, so why is Kylo trying to run Rey over with his tie fighter...he doesn’t really want to kill her. It’s just meaningless action shots.  And don’t get me started on exposition, the dialogue: “hey look its the Knights of Ren”. Except they do nothing. Cool cool.  Kylo’s character goes back to Force awakens era like no development had occurred...except he’s not even there he’s just messing around not even being a real villain.  JJ’s specialty is set-up and he does this beautifully....but he can not wrap up and follow through. 

3. Rose Tico: yup last Jedi never happened, she has nothing to do. She and Finn are irrelevant. Finn has reverted to being obsessed with Rey. Cool Cool.  I honestly feel so bad for the lovely Kelly Marie Tran. How did you relegate a relatively big character into the sidelines?? Why introduce two new characters this late. Rose could have filmed in for them...but alas we must snub Rian at every turn because that’s just how petty JJ Abrams is. ( don’t get me wrong Jannah was cool)

4. The Rise Of Poe Dameron: Finn has been relegated to a side character who does nothing and just yells “REY!”. It was a great setup, a stormtrooper who was force sensitive but doesn’t want his life to be fighting for nothing. You could have explored trauma, the discovery of the light but nope nada. Tell me the point of his character journey. So flat and static. And with Jannah and the ex stormtroopers they could have gone with the arc of these lost, sad kids coming together to find family. 

5. Leia:  Okay you’re telling me our Princess would give up on her son before he was born, just throw away her lightsaber and accept Ben’s fate? Cool alright. And she knew about Rey Palpatine and didn’t say anything...my princess would never.

6. Mary Sue Rey: Ahh Rey this girl feels no emotion in this movie...just like the audience. Sure she’s trained but she can just do stuff with the “force” that even Jedi masters can’t. Stopping a whole starship, something even Yoda could barely do...yup she can do it. Beat Kylo all the time except one, yup she can. Manipulate the force in mind-boggling ways, heal people...sure Luke couldn’t but Rey certainly can.  Cause she is the chosen one...hell even Ani wasn’t this talented and he had years of training. Poe and Finn have a genuine connection, Rey just seems disjointed (totally understandable why)...but if so the ending is even worse. She doesn’t even find peace with her friends. She’s not realistic and human like Luke and Leia were. 

 Force sensitivity in the galaxy:  What a perfect setup, the boy with the broom at the end of TLJ that was force sensitive. The message is that the power to use the force was spreading through the galaxy. No longer confined to the elite. People were hearing of Luke’s battle of Crate and rising.

7. Kylo/Ben: I still maintain that he, other than Ani was the most nuanced character in the whole saga. His arc from Force Awakens to Last Jedi had progressed. How great that even someone from the legendary line of skywalker and solo could fall to the dark again. He wasn’t flat, he was a tortured boy that was conflicted since the first movie. How great would it have been to see him as a conflicted supreme leader, which was set up in TLJ. But *gasps* a plot of his very own, no can do, this is the nature of JJ’s crush on Rey and Daisy. 

Disney released comics that made us sympathize with him, to see that all along he was manipulated by Snoke, and Palpatine the voices in his head. Neglected by those who were supposed to love him. Adam Driver was cast perfectly, he had almost no lines that weren’t related to Rey’s charcater arc. If he were a woman I’m sure everyone would be offended. That single line’s delivery “Dad-”

Come on Poe had more lines than him, and Driver according to JJ was half of the protagonist. He was pitched an arc opposite that of Darth Vader that’s why he signed. Man JJ really did do everyone dirty. 

8. Ben had no lines while redeemed other than “ow”...I am so sorry ADAM that this nasty ass JJ did this to you...this part was 100% improv by Adam, I am willing to bet my life on it. You know why “ow” was brilliant? Cause it meant he felt pain and emotion, he was no longer hiding behind the hardness of Kylo REN. Adam’s performance as Ben left me speechless, he was convincing as Kylo, intimidating...but as BEN he shines in the way only Solo’s can. The way his eyes become determined once he accepts he must give his life, and he does so happily for the love of his life. His soulmate. Star Wars and JJ never deserved the talent that is Adam Driver.

9. They are supposed to be equals in the force yet they missed the opportunity to fight Snoke together. Tell me how they are equals. He existed only to further Rey’s plotline. 

Oh and the other Jedi including Anakin whisper and help Rey...when his own grandson has been asking for help in distress for like 30years. Nice real nice.

10. Finally Reylo:  it felt unearned cause there was no buildup, JJ just threw it in for kicks forgetting all the P&P parallels he was shooting for. An afterthought. Driver and Ridley’s acting saved the day, they had no lines.  Adam Driver is truly one of the finest actors. You could see the difference between Ben and Kylo in his subtle gestures...the sass was pure Han Solo.  

11. And then the death: I wouldn’t even say we won, but at what cost. We won in no way. Had he died fighting I would have understood, but this death was so unnecessary and put in just for the fanboys. Let me say again I would have been okay with death had it been justified.  How is this any different than Vader x Luke. JJ can only copy not create. How crazy that you can just bring people back from the dead...Anakin is here like, am I joke to you? I could have brought Padme back say what???? What was the point of his whole fall to the dark. The force is infinite, that’s the whole point...once you know how to use it you can’t run out of it like juice. Oh, and Ben did not become one with Rey but rather the Force according to the Disney website. So why pray tell did he not appear as a force ghost? I’m convinced JJ was on crack.  

12. No Mourning BEN no acknowledgment:  5 seconds! And then she moves on from losing her soulmate, half of her soul. She loses it over Chewie but nothing, no emotion not even a second over her other half. Seriously? No one ever knows Ben came back...nada. JJ set up Reylo, time and time again he has said that he crafted the story around the romance. He was left scrambling after Last Jedi and this was a last-ditch shock ending. No Reylo theme song, no across the stars

13. Last Jedi told us you don’t have to come from a powerful family to be important. THE WHOLE thing was that you could be force-sensitive and be a nobody. Nobodies can become somebody. A Hero is not born but made. The force lives in all beings, not just powerful families. It inspired me, what a great message to young guys and gals. Kylo’s line, “you come from nothing, you are nothing...you have no place in this story” finally turns out true. You have to come from something to have a part in the Star Wars story. And Rey had darkness inside her cause she was human. Because none of us are pure, we are shades of grey. But no, it’s cause darkness only runs in families. In the Last Jedi when she wants to see her family all she sees is herself and a shadow (Ben) who joins with her. Please do explain this JJ. And if this granddaughter thing was set up I would have had no problem...but they pulled it from their asses. You can have nothing but mean something. But no pander to the fanboys. In the end, a Palpatine lived and all the skywalkers ended....and we are supposed to have hope. Palpatine really did win. 

14. Rey’s biggest fear was ending up in the desert alone, we were told “the belonging she seeks is ahead not behind” and “there’s someone who could still come back”. They mentioned she felt just as alone with the resistance. Only the other half of her soul understood her. This is truly tragic and sad...I am so heartbroken for her. And don’t tell me she isn’t there to stay...the soundtrack is called “a new home”. Enjoy the rest of your days being exactly where you started Rey....but hey at least you got a droid boo. I’m convinced this is not the balance JJ envisioned in the first movie. At one point in TFA Rey looks up sees an old woman alone, scavenging in the desert. This rattles her to the core and it starts her journey of wanting a better, different life. I am so sorry Rey. Okay so you may say she has the resistance and her friends...but let’s consult the last Jedi. In the end when everyone is on the ship...Rey is surrounded by friends yet looks more alone than ever. No one but Ben, maybe Luke, Leia, and Han understood her pull to the dark.

How sad that these two hopeless souls who had never known a moment of belonging and true love, found it for all but a few seconds.

I will quote: “preventing female characters with strong, compelling narratives from experiencing love, intimacy, and affection is just as regressive as reducing them down to sexual accessories. Assumes that women must choose between a romantic interest and depth of character”

Men really can not write good female characters, can they? A woman really can’t be a badass and end up with the love of her life

15. The Skywalker’s and Redemption: How truly truly sad that Han and Leia gave their life for their son who also died at a young age. ALL the Skywalkers and Solo’s have a tragic end. This is not what George Lucas wanted. What a tragic way to end this saga...they weren't able to break the curse. AND to all those troubled kids out there that lashed out and made terrible mistakes in their youth....doesn’t matter what you do dying is the only way out. You could have exiled him, made him pay in other ways. Nothing can be done to make up for your sins but death, no amount of good means that you can come home. To the young boys that get wrapped up in terror organizations, sorry the only way you can be redeemed is death...don’t bother changing and coming back. They could have exiled him, had him start an academy with Rey for Jedi kids. He could have spent the rest of his days redeeming himself. Why tell us he was literally preyed upon, haunted, and manipulated as a child. Even in a fantasy world, a victim of mental illness and abuse can not catch a break. Ben as a child could not fall asleep due to the demon-like voices in his mind. Everyone abandoned him in his time of need. Ben never desired power like Anakin, he went over to the dark because “the voice” of his grandfather promised belonging. I am shocked that this is the message Disney sends us. Oh and yeah you can totally take on the Skywalker name for kicks...the disrespect I swear

16. The worst bit is that I am 90% sure there was another ending that was scrapped.  There was a promo shot of Jannah in a field, soft lighting, lush planet. It was exactly like P&P. Daisy Ridley said the lasts scene was known to only Her, Jannah on that panel (Driver was away). Convinced Jannah was looking at Rey and Ben starting a new life away from the desert which she and Luke hate so much. Hence the production of “A New Home” soundtrack. Hence why the “Farewell” song played behind Reylo kiss was hopeful. Why Luke’s soundtrack when he became part of the force was not triumphant. Why the death scene was sudden and cut weird and no sorrow from Rey. CAUSE THEY SCRAPPED THE ORIGINAL ENDING LAST MINUTE.  Everyone knows JJ was still editing one month before. The concept art which was supposed to be released this month has been pushed to March. Why you ask? They need to remove the pages with a happy ending. He just didn’t have the guts, pandered to everyone and yet no one. He was successful in creating a beautifully filmed action-filled movie with none of the heart of Star Wars.

And then she goes and buries Anakin’s saber on freaking TATOOINE. He HATES Sand and Luke wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. Of course, a Palpatine would torture them that way. But nostalgia is the cash cow so. JJ can only generate nostalgia, not create original stories. IF he had any creativity she would have buried it at Padme’s grave.

The fanboys say “leave the romance for the romance movies”....have you seen the original trilogy or the prequels? Star Wars has always had hope and romance entwined with it. 

SO AFTER 40 YEARS...PALPATINE WINS...HIS BLOODLINE LIVES ON

...and people thought the prequels were bad 

JJ you also said that your goal was for people to come out of the movie feeling more hopeful and happy then they went in...yet here I am. My roommate literally had to console me and buy me ice cream. I am just so numb. I am sure the casual fan will enjoy this, as seen from the rotten tomatoes ratings. I think the critics were too generous with this one, 

Star Wars is very simple at its core, Good vs Bad and Dark vs Light. The kids are expected to understand that a Palpatine being the only one who lives is hopeful? That is the conclusion of three generations of Skywalker sacrifice...

This is how the Skywalkers are remembered...In Tragedy and Curse??

[d3sertdream3r]

Final Thoughts on Mons(TROS)ity

I’m not even just upset that Ben died. That’s the rotten cherry on top of how every single character in the entire Skywalker Saga was fucked up in this film.

As much as I love Rey, the fight against Palpatine was most certainly Ben’s. This man has been mentally torturing him and manipulating him since he was in the fucking womb. He poisoned his relationships with his family. He convinced him that he had to kill his own father in order to ever be or mean anything. Yet he gets yeeted off a cliff in the final fucking battle. He doesn’t get revenge for all that’s been done to him and the past two generations of his family before him. Not to mention he only holds the legacy saber for all of 3 minutes at most. He doesn’t even set foot on the Millennium Falcon or talk to Uncle Lando and Uncle Chewie. He doesn’t get to hear the real voice of his hero/grandfather. He’s a mentally ill abuse victim that ended up killing himself. That leaves a really shitty taste in my mouth despite the fact that he did it for the girl he loves.

Am I really supposed to believe that Rey being sold into slavery to an extremely abusive guy on a desert wasteland is a good thing??? And what about the message that she made herself who she is and the Force chose her to be powerful because she is strong and compassionate despite how terribly she’s been treated her whole life? That she didn’t get her power from a legacy bloodline, but from herself?? Nope. She’s powerful because she is a Palpatine. And despite surviving in the desert all her life so that she could someday have a family, she ends up all alone in a different desert. Exactly where she began, but now she has trauma and the loss of her soulmate to deal with. Fuck everything.

Why didn’t Leia train Ben herself if Luke had trained her? She gave her son away when he was a kid because she just didn’t have time to deal with her only child while he was struggling with depression and anxiety? His powers reacting to his inner turmoil was just too inconvenient to her career?? Yeah, sure, totally sounds like Leia Skywalker Organa Solo to me.

Finn being a former stormtrooper that’s defected to the resistance is more of an after thought than a real plot line?? This is something we’ve never seen before. We’ve seen desert kids become powerful Jedi. We’ve seen powerful Jedi fall to the dark side and “redeem themselves” through death. We’ve seen Palpatine be defeated and killed before. Finn’s story was fresh and interesting and in the end all he does is make eyes at Rey and provide occasional comic relief.

What the hell is the point of Poe’s story? He doesn’t really have one. He was supposed to die in the first film and it shows because he hasn’t served much purpose at all since the first 10 minutes of TFA besides being attractive and acting like an ass most of the time. So inspiring.

Rose barely exists in this movie. She’s more of a cameo than anything. Her beautifully heartbreaking story about her sister, her kindness in the face of evil and destruction, her strong will and determination to do the right thing, her passion for justice, and her inspiration to a whole new generation of rebels and Jedi are all thrown out the window.

Luke, Han, and Leia all died so that Ben could live and finally feel light and happiness in his life. Well that didn’t work. He died. And why would Rey take the name Skywalker instead of Solo? She was in love with Ben Solo, her personal hero is Han Solo, and her real Jedi master was Leia Organa Solo. The Millennium Falcon is her ship and her best friend is Chewie. But she goes with fucking Skywalker?? Ok.

All the Jedi rushed to the aid of Rey in her moment of need but not a single one of them could be bothered to ever help Ben throughout his entire life despite being the grandson of the Chosen One. No one ever raised so much as a finger when he needed help, not even his grandfather that he loved and admired deeply to the point of following him down the path of his mistakes.

Anakin couldn’t talk to him and convince him to stay good or return to the light, but he gives his power to Rey and tells her to Rise?? A girl he doesn’t know at all??? Obi Wan “BEN” Kenobi couldn’t help and teach the child named after him?? A name that is synonymous with HOPE in SW. What a joke.

The Chosen One means nothing. The Skywalker bloodline means absolutely fucking nothing even though this entire universe was built around them. They aren’t the Balancers of the Force. They aren’t super powerful Force demigods despite having the Force literally woven into their DNA because of how Anakin was born, not just in midi-chlorian form. They’re all dead. The “Rise of Skywalker” indeed. Cruel irony at its finest.

In conclusion, this is how I feel about the movie. Take it away George:

JJ singlehandedly ruined an entire lifetime of lore and storytelling for who the fuck knows or cares why. Rian is the one who truly respected SW and handled the lore beautifully while also introducing new concepts to the franchise.

I will always love Reylo, Star Wars, and the Skywalkers. I hope they get Ben back in canon books or something, but I’ll always be bitter about the awful way every single fucking character in the Skywalker Saga has been so completely disrespected.

This fandom is wonderful and very inspiring and I can’t wait to see what gorgeous art and fanfics y’all come up with. I’m truly so grateful to be part of something so much bigger than myself; something JJ Abrams will never understand.

[dalekofchaos]

The erasure of R2-D2 and C-3PO. Disney’s worst failure

R2-D2 and C-3PO make up the core of the Star Wars Saga. They are the first characters on screen; we are quite literally introduced to the universe from their perspective. They are the only characters who survive all the way through the Saga, from Episode I-VI. In Episodes I-VI, it was a deliberate choice for R2 to save the lives of the main characters at least once per episode (he fixes the ship’s shields in I, stops Padme from being boiled in II, helps Anakin and Obi Wan escape the battle droids in III, shuts down the trash compactor in IV, fixes the hyperdrive in V and gives Luke his saber in VI). C-3PO partly helps Luke along his journey by telling his exploits with the Rebels, C-3PO while annoying helped our heroes get out of tight situations and C-3PO is the only reason why the Ewoks helped the Rebels destroy the Death Star II’s generator.

It cannot be overstated how important these two characters are. In fact, a critic even argued that the Star Wars Saga was about the two droids being sent to different masters, and being the observers to all the mistakes and follies they make.

So just WHY has Disney completely ignored them? R2 no longer has his “save the day” moments; that’s literally just reserved for BB-8. When does R2 directly save anyone in the Sequels? And C-3PO, the translator, has been kicked out because Rey doesn’t need a translator because she’s already fluent in however many forms of communication the plot demands. Oh, and we don’t need R2, because Rey can fix anything she wants. If the purposes of 3PO and R2 can be replaced by an annoying Volleyball and a demigod, then why did you even bother to bring back C-3PO and R2-D2?

Even Anthony Daniels was baffled by the treatment of C-3PO "In these new movies, I have felt like a table decoration. And that is difficult because I recognize this character is worth so much more. But I understand it is a whole film, not a feature about C-3PO. That is just my personal disappointment. I get paid whether or not he does anything but it would be nice for him to have a purpose."

In TFA, C-3PO has a red arm? Why? Find out in a comic. In TLJ he does pretty much nothing and has one small moment with Luke that Mark and Anthony had to adlib because Rian Johnson couldn’t understand why these two would have one final moment. So in Rise Of Skywalker. C-3PO says “Let me take one last look, at my best friends.” Best friends? You barely knew Rey, Finn and Poe. They’ve been treating you like a nuisance all movie. Then we get a stupid “GOTCHA” gag by giving us another fucking fakeout death.

It would’ve made much more sense if we saw 3PO’s eyes imagine Han, Luke, Leia, Padme and Anakin. Oh and guess what would’ve been better? “R2, please. Let me do this. But first let me take one last look, at my best friend.” 3PO saying this to R2 would’ve made much more sense. Oh and no fake out death because that was bullshit. C-3PO gives his life to translate the Sith dagger(yes it’s as stupid as it sounds)

R2-D2 is the most screwed over character in the entire Sequel Trilogy. He spent all of TFA in low power mode either waiting for or trying to find Luke, finally does... and then he swears at him, plays one message to try and guilt him and then gives up entirely. Seriously, R2 only shows up in that one scene in the entire movie, the droid that was the most loyal little thing in the galaxy leaves the fate of his best friend and master to some random girl he knows nothing about. That's not R2. R2 would have followed Luke around and tried to save Luke instead of just sitting on the Falcon the entire time. I just find it IMPLAUSIBLE that R2-D2 would ever leave Luke. Then in TROS, R2 spends 95% of the movie being cut out. Why is R2 left out on the final adventure? R2 does not sit around, R2 goes where the action is. The treatment of R2-D2 in the sequels, ESPECIALLY AFTER KENNY BAKER’S PASSING IS INFURIATING!

Once again, let’s look at R2′s importance in the first 6 movies. George Lucas said the reason why R2 D2 has a major role in all six films is because the entire story, and therefore the canon, is actually being told BY R2-D2. He even went as far as making sure R2 saves the lives of the main cast once per film (1-Repairs the Naboo Ship and allows everyone to escape the blockade 2-Picks up Obi Wan’s distress signal AND saves Padme from lava 3-Overrides the Elevator lockdown and distracts Grevious 4-Shuts down the garbage masher 5-Fixes the hyperdrive allowing the cast to escape Vader 6-Gives Luke his lightsaber)

In the Sequels R2 never saves anyone’s life, completely breaking one of the core traditions of Star Wars. Worse, in TFA, he’s Shut down completely meaning he cannot possibly record what’s going on, hence, the entire film, and by extension the Sequel trilogy, is no longer a part of R2’s story.

Duel Of Fates actually used R2-D2.  During the heat of battle, R2-D2 would have taken a fatal blast, destroying the droid's circuits and rendering it little more than an empty shell. As Chewbacca carried R2 on his back, similar to how he once carried 3PO all those years before, R2's best friend would have been inconsolable. As a droid C-3PO has very rarely shown much emotion other than worry and fear for his own life. Seeing him mourn the death of his best friend would have made this one of the toughest death scenes to take in the entire history of Star Wars. C-3PO consoles a damaged R2-D2 as a Star Destroyers crashes to the ground in the background. C-3PO consoles a damaged R2-D2 as a Star Destroyers crashes to the ground in the background.

The fact they did absolutely nothing with R2-D2 and just fakeout deathed C-3PO in the final movie is insulting. The fact that they completely erased the importance of the storytellers of Star Wars is where the Sequels truly failed. This, I think, is the most glaring and obvious evidence of Disney’s lack of understanding of Star Wars. Over the years many, many things had changed in the Saga but the one constant was R2 and 3PO. And now they’re being unceremonious kicked to the curb.

[popculturebuffet]

Uncle Scrooge by Don Rosa:  The Isle at the Edge of Time (Thank You Comission For Rosie Isla)

Hello all you happy people! Today’s review is a bit special as it’s the result of another review. See I had trouble finding a translation of the subject of last weeks’ mother’s day special, Family Ties. 

No not that one. I have Paramount+. I can watch all the Family Ties I want and that’s a fact that i’m pleased as punch about. 

No it was the story 80 is Prachtig, called Family Ties in the copy used, Della’s first major comics appearance and one that explains what happened to her in the classic continuity, one that clearly served as the foundation for her far more fleshed out 2017 versions personality and backstory. It also had Pinocchio in it for some reason, and spent most of it’s large run time on a meta comedy plot that had nothing to do with the reason anyone wanted to read this story in the first place.

But despite being a vitally important story, it never got an english translation, something that baffled me till I read the story and found cameos of the racist indigenous stereotypes from Peter Pan. In 2014. You may commence booing. Even with how weird the story was I simply couldn’t find the story googling it and the Della tag is too vast and deep to go spelunking in.

So what’s all this have to do? Simple I put out a post last month when neither I nor Kev, who wanted to comission it as part of Moons, Millionares and Mothers, my coverage of all three season 2 Ducktales story arcs, could find a copy and offered a review to whoever found it.  Weeks passed I got nothing.. then in the 11th hour I got a break as the lovely @rosieisla​ found a translation that was on this very site, one she seemed to have helped with. As a result I could do the review and as a man of my word, offered it up despite her clearly having not seen that part of the post and simply having done this to be nice. Still she gladly took up the offer and offered me my pick of two stories: The Carl Barks Story Back to Long Ago or this one. 

As for WHY I picked this one Back To Long Ago didn’t seem bad, i’m just not a fan of “The Cast is put in the past as their own ancestors” type deals. Or in some cases put the cast as people from that time period. It’s just not for me and is most often done in TV where it can get really goofy, Beverly Hills 90210 being a prime example of this, though Girl Meets World was no slouch in being embarassing... that being said I really need to finish that show and miss it. 

So yeah when put up against a story with two intresting hooks and FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, even if i’ts not the version that’s my boy, it was no contest. So what are these hooks you ask? Well join me under the cut and find out. 

We open with a weird stylistic choice: This story has a narrator complete with caption boxes. Now for those of you familiar with comics or pastiches of comics in tv and film, this probably dosen’t seem like a big deal. It was a common thing in comics from their inception to 90′s to have caption boxes, big boxes of text narrating the action to help move things along faster. It did start to fade out by the 80′s and was gone by the end of the 90′s for the most part, replaced instead with first person narration. It’s the kind of thing you’d see most often in the Golden and Silver Ages, with stuff like tihs

It’s not a BAD device, it’s good old cheesy and bombastic fun and some writers did get clever with it.. like that time Chris Claremont used the narration to yell at a greiving cyclops after he lost a teammate early in his long and storied run on the uncanny x-men. 

This is a objectively weird scene that’s still somehow effective by the by. On the one hand it does come off as Chris Claremont essentally bullying Cyclops who already feels guilty for a death that was not in fact his fault as Thunderbird was told the plane he was attacking with fleeing villian Count Nefaria was about to explode and refused to listen.. and that they needed to get rid of either him or Wolverine as both served the same purpose and chose the non-white guy. 

On the other htough it comes off just as much as Scott beating himself up in his grief and anger over the event and his perceived failings as a leader. It’s good stuff and shows why this run caught on as this was only three issues in. Also the rest of the issue features the X-Men fighting a giant cyclopian demon that Cyclops accidently freed in his rage by destroying the stone thing keeping him imprisoned. No really here’s the cover

Huh so tha’ts what Nifty’s dad looks like. Neat. Also I REALLY hope we get the X-Men fighting aliens or demons in the MCU. Unlike the XCU the MCU isn’t alergic to getting batshit.. and for the record Deadpool and New Mutants are the exception, not the rule.

My point that I swear I do have is that this was common practice for most comics.. but never really for Disney Duck comics. It popped up ocasionally, like with Scrooge’s introduction, but Barks and those after him never really used them that much. Sure they’d have caption boxes for flasbacks and what not but Barks and Co geninely only used this sort of thing to set up a story. The most i’ve seen it in a duck comic is life and times and even then i’ts usually only used for gags or to set up the passage of time, as the story IS covering decades and thus often needed to have montages to show time passing, and in the case of chapter 11, had to cover decades in the span of a single chapter, so it’s not like they had many other options. So even Rosa as a personal quirk didn’t really use these often. 

Rosa used this specifically because he felt the plot was complicated by the use of the international date line. As for what it is, it’s essentially a line marking calender dates from one side of the hemisphere to the others. To use the offical defentition from the National Ocean Service I found via a quick google:

“The International Date Line, established in 1884, passes through the mid-Pacific Ocean and roughly follows a 180 degrees longitude north-south line on the Earth. It is located halfway round the world from the prime meridian—the zero degrees longitude established in Greenwich, England, in 1852.

The International Date Line functions as a “line of demarcation” separating two consecutive calendar dates. When you cross the date line, you become a time traveler of sorts! Cross to the west and it’s one day later; cross back and you’ve “gone back in time."

Despite its name, the International Date Line has no legal international status and countries are free to choose the dates that they observe. While the date line generally runs north to south from pole to pole, it zigzags around political borders such as eastern Russia and Alaska’s Aleutian Islands.”

Rosa felt this made the story complicated.... and that... really isn’t remotely true. The narration is mostly used for gagas and really dosen’t clarify anything. it’s mostly used well in the opening.. but the actual explinations for the date line are clear enough in the story that even if I hadn’t looked the thing up, I still would’ve got it and i’m sure a kid would’ve too. It just feels like a weird thing to ruminate on, especially because he’s got actual things to make up for: while to his credit the native american characters he cribbed from carl barks are sympathetic, their culture respected and treated decently and used for a green aseop, their dialouge is stitled and sterotypical something he dosen’t even comment on (And these trades ewren’t THAT long ago) 

And of course it dosen’t help that he dosen’t even comment on using a common device in american superhero boooks.. in the same volume where he ONCE again makes an unwanted and outdated diatribe about superhero comics. I’ll probably cover the Super Snooper Strikes again so I can throughly tear this apart but higlights include: Calling superhero comics “Unwanted” just because he dosen’t like them personally, when people like me would disagree and they’ve lasted through a LOT of highs and lows, outdately saying they took over the American market as the only suitable comics which while true for a TIME,but by 2015 when this book was printed is laughably out of date, as non superhero works like The Walking Dead, Saga, and Scott Pilgrim were massively popular, one of my faviorite comics that is entirely slice of life and would go on to bea huge hit, Giant Days, re-debuted that very year. He also has the fucking gal to insult The Uncanny X-Men by name and I swear to god I did not know this when I made those references earlier, but as you probably guessed REALLY god me livid. 

And this is just on his COMMENTS on the story I can’t imagine just how bad the content itself is and having read the first few pages which come off as Rosa using Donald to essentially do an “old man yells at cloud rant” about superhero comics, I really don’t want to. Might make htis a patreon exclusive or again would do it on comissoin. You all make the call.... the point is I don’t likes his elitist bullshit about superhero comics, and this is clearly something that gets my hackles up as I just spent a good two paragraphs of an entirely unrealted review yelling at the guy for it. I don’t like when he does this and this authors notes entirley felt like an excuse. I GET the dark age of comics were bad, they REALLY were that bad, but I will NEVER accept painting an enitre genre as bad just because one work in it is bad. And I wont accept it from someone who himself writes about an often throughly unlikeable anti-hero for a living.  Scrooge may not have a gun on his gun on his gun or get to stabbing or have pouches, but he DOES finacially abuse his nephew, scoff at people’s personal troubles, and often refuse to use his wealth to help others in general. So yeah in conclusion Rosa really needs to say less about this subject. 

Okay so where were we.. right the story hadn’t even started yet. Jesus. 

Okay so our story begins with the narrator. Whose going on about time and what not. The main point of this speech about time is that it’s night in Duckburg and Scrooge is going to bed as, even being the workhorse that he is, he can’t keep going 24 hours. While he’s snoozing though something major happens and it’s the hook that made me pick this story along with the international dateline one.. an island rises thanks to volcanic erruption.. and the lava is GOLD. That’s just pure unabashed classic Duck Stuff: a mysterious treasure or phenominon of gold bound to bring scrooge in. 

But Scrooge isn’t stupid: the sun comes up and the world still spins while he sleeps, so he set up a satalite to monitor for this sort of thing. The thing naturally goes nuts.. and even more naturally breaks down becasue Scrooge bought cheap parts. A nice gag and a fully in character way to bring our antagonist into the picture, as the Satellite of Loaded falls in the middle of South Africa... right on the property of my boy Flintheart Glomgold. 

This is something Rosa brought up in his commentary for the story i’d never thought about. It turns out Glomgold being a citzen of Duckburg WASN’T an invention of the original Ducktales but the comics: some overseas had understandably moved him from his home country of South Africa. Him bieing in the same town as Scrooge instead of half a world away allows for easier setups and more intresting ones.

Rosa however being obdient to Barks Version of things, ketp Glomgold in South Africa like barks did, which was an .. ifffy decision given Apartheid had JUST ended at the time of this story. Not so much in the reboot as not only had apartheid been long gone by the time of the reboot, but that’s more fair. Still we do get some gorgeous vistas as a result as Glomgold’s minon goes to look at it and finds it’s from McDuck Mining company... Glomgold’s reaction is obvious. 

So on that note we cut to Scrooge rushing to Donalds house and forcing him awake and not telling him anything at first. Look his Ducktales Counterpart straight up kidnapped his donald in my last review, I’d call this a win. He also tries to dress Donald while explaning both his panic to find the crashed satlitle and what it found: the golden island. The end result of him dressing donald is worth a chuckle

So after Donald puts his shirt and little hat on our heroes get rollin rollin rollin what keep rollin rollin rollin who to Manilla. On the plane we get the scene I mentioned: The boys make a quip about Scrooge having lost a day and the group go over the international date line. It’s a fun little scene especially Donald trying to get paid early at the end. Classic scrooge and donald stuff without the abusive undertones some of their classic stuff has. 

Meanwhile Glomgold works out the data and finds out about the gold island, and his excitement accidently wakes a giraffe outside.. welll it was nice knowing him, Giraffes are the deadliest species known to man.. here’s an educational video t back that up....

So at Manilla Airport, Scrooge finds out abotu the south african crash, figuring he’ll get a laugh out of glomgold being there ... only for Donald to spot the Jet. Scrooge figures this can’t be anything good... now come on man maybe he’s just promoting his energy drink. 

As super sayin god super sayian as my witness, I will never get tired of Ultra Instinct Glomgold here. 

Scrooge isn’t so nice about that though and figures he better find out if Glomgold knows about the island and bribes one of the fueling crew for his uniform. He sucesssfully eavesdrops on Glomgold talking to his pilot, finding out from him exactly WHERE the island is. He ends up hilariously botching the mission though: when getting ready to leave Glomgold complains abotu the price of gas and that naturally causes Scrooge, just as cheap, to join in... and Glomgold to find out it’s Scrooge. The two wrestle outside the plane but before this can progress to a game of Naked Robber an airport security guy comes up and Scrooge cleverly claims that Glomgold’s plane has an infestiation, requring it to be quanrantined and allowing Scrooge to jet on.. thoguh not with an actual jet. With Glomgold seemingly dispatched, he can afford to save some money and take his time with a seaplane and I know just the man for the job. 

Oh nope looks like he’s busy. So one time related rambles later we meet Keoki, their asian pilot from the tiny island of Wookawooka.. and no that’s not a real place i checked... and no Fozzy dosen’t own it his check bounced. That being said it is a very well done represntation of someone from a smaller country: he’s doing this job to try and bring money back home, but being a seaplane captain just isn’t enough and his island is dying. Scrooge naturally is about as sympathetic as you’d expect, having apparently never even heard of the idea of a bonus when Huey, Dewey or Louie suggests it. 

Even less suprising is that Glomgold streaks by in his Jet:turns out Manilla was already overun with the bugs Scrooge claimed and Donald rubs it in that had Scrooge got a JET this wouldn’t of been an issue. 

So Glomgold easily beats them there, and to add insult and actualy injury to a cash based one, our heroes get blasted by golden lava on the way in and crash. Should’ve gotten launchpad... got the crashing professional. Keoki is dispondent as this means his people are doomed. He also dosen’t know waht staking a claim is when Scrooge mentions it and the boys bring him up to speed with the poor guy saying he wish he could for WookaWooka. Donald also makes a valid point about how greedy and heartlress scrooge can be.. and really billiionares in general.

No no YOUR the Grouch who refuses to have one drop of emapthy. Donald’s just pissed at your general selfish and terrible behavior. 

Glomgold glomgloats and has seemingly won... but naturally that rant that seemed extranious at the time about the date line comes into play: turns out the Island is on it, and since glomgold put his marker int he west, Scrooge simply puts his in the east which is a whole day before. Now GRANTED there’s nor eal legal prescendice for the intetaoinal date line itself , as noted above... but there’s enough witnesses in Scrooge’s favor that it simply does not matter anyway. Scrooge SEEMINGLY wins.

But Huey, Dewey Or Louie instead backs another claim: Keoki’s from earlier. While it was made in gest, he and the others along with Donald back it as witnsses instad. WookaWooka is saved and SCrogoe ends the story yelling at the narrator.

Final Thoughts: Don Rosa.. did not like this story, feeling it wasn’t one of his best and apologizing for it. I however.. really loved it. It’s not PERFECT: the narration feels not entirely necessary and the gag isn’t as funny as he thinks, though the payoff of scrooge saying “it’s time for this story to end” is fucking hilarous. I also feel it’s a bit too compressed: the story is only 16 pages and was only THAT long because Rosa added a few for exposition, a worthy addition. This feels like one of his 30 page adventure stories but slightly crammed into half the length. I also feel the golden island bit was BADLY underused as it’s such a cool setting but barely shows up in the story. 

But despite that.. it’s still a fun story: as is standard for Rosa the art is gorgeous and the humor is great. And unlike some stories where Rosa casually ignores how terrible scrooge is, here it’s his own greed and hubris that do him in: had he actually agreed to help Keoki, the boys likey would’ve let him keep the island but his own cold refusual to be a human being does him in, just as his cheapness nearly did. Flintheart is also decent here.. not the deepest foe but frankly most classical duck antagonists really aren’t all that fleshed out, and we still get some good bits with him. The dateline bit, while telegraphing that it will be important, as I said REALLY isn’t that hard to understand. All in all while i’ll agree with Rosa this isn’t his BEST, it’s still a really damn good story and one he shoudln’t be ashamed of. 

Tommorow: Green Eggs and ham is back for some train shenanigans! Kay. 

Saturday: The Tom Retrospective returns for it’s last detour! Eclipsa and Moon team up to stop meteora but grapple with diffrent wants: One to save her daughter.. the other to stop waht she clearly sees as an out of control monster. The result.. will only lead to tragedy and a hell of a two parter. 

If you liked this review consider joining my patreon, patroen.com/popculturebuffet. At as low as 2 bucks a month you get accesss to my patreon discord, exclusive reviews, and to pick a short when I do one of my shortstragavanzas, a marthon of theatrical shorts honoring a characters birthday. And given Donald’s is next month, now’s the time to get on board. 

But if you go up to 5 you get a guaranteed review of whatever you want every month, and will get me to my next milestone, which will give everyone including yourself a monthly public darkwing duck review, reviews of the two Ducktales minis’ I haven’t covered (Time is Money and SuperDuckTales) and a reivew of the Danny Phantom film the Ultimate Enemy. So please join today and if you cannot, like this review, subscribe and give me your opinions on it bellow. Or even if you can feedback is always appricated and I will see you at the next rainbow. 

[laurenhufflepuff2]

A list of fandoms I'm in (in no particular order, will probably be updated regularly. Some fandoms are more intense and some are more casual. Depending on the fandom, I could go on and on about fandom topics for HOURS. Let's get into it!)

Harry Potter, Disney, Marvel, DC comics, Miraculous Ladybug, Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra, Star Wars, Literature, Winx Club, Nintendo, Minecraft, Little Witch Academia, Voltron, Coraline

Details:

Harry Potter- I got into Harry Potter in 7th grade and now I am the resident expert in my family and in my friend group. I read all the books, watched all the movies (notably the British version), and I've seen the Fantastic Beasts films as well. I've also read Tales of Beedle the Bard (the Warlock's Hairy Heart was traumatizing) along with the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them textbook (plus an updated edition). I also read The Cursed Child script and while I mean no hate to anyone that liked it, I hated what it did to the canon. I am in Hufflepuff with some Ravenclaw tendencies (I took the Pottermore quiz 3 times, 2 out of 3 I got Hufflepuff, the other time was Ravenclaw). I had a pottermore account and I was so upset when it got converted to the Wizarding World page. I cosplayed Hermione in 7th grade complete with British accent and even monologued as her for a talent show (classmates and teachers would recognize me as the Hermione girl all the way through high school). I was obsessed and I still love it even if J.K. Rowling has gone off the deep end on Twitter... yeah... my favorite character is Hermione but I also relate to Luna

Disney- there's so much that goes into the Disney part of my fandom list. I'm excluding Marvel and Star Wars from this part as they were originally separate entities before Disney got the rights to them. I have seen almost every animated Disney film ever and often use random movie quotes in conversation. My favorite villain is Maleficent, my favorite princess is Ariel (followed by Belle, Rapunzel, and Anna). I relate to so many of the characters. I'm not sure who my favorite Pixar character is though (I love Violet, Sadness, Dory, and Piper (from the short)). My favorite Disney fairy is Fawn. My favorite characters overall are Ariel and Stitch. Disney is definitely on the list as one of my biggest obsessions. My favorite movies are Lilo and Stitch, the Little Mermaid, Inside Out, Alice in Wonderland (original), and The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

Marvel- I mostly get my Marvel exposure through the MCU, other movies, and animated TV shows. I have difficulty reading graphic novels so most of my comic book knowledge comes from friends, posts, or wikis. My favorite characters are Spider-Man, Captain America, Peggy Carter, and Scarlet Witch. I also like Gwenpool, Deadpool, Spider-Gwen/ Ghost-Spider, Venom, Squirrel Girl, Daredevil, Mantis, Gamora, Black Widow, Iron Man, Thor, Loki, Bucky, Black Panther, and most MCU characters. Out of the X-men I really like Professor X, Wolverine, Mystique, Magneto, Nightcrawler, and Quicksilver (either version- MCU or Fox).

DC- this was the franchise I was more familiar with growing up but again, graphic novels aren't easy for me to read so most of my knowledge comes from information pages about the comics or from tv/movies. My earliest experience with DC came from the 60s Batman series, with Catwoman and Robin being my favorites. I also watched the Wonder Woman series from the 70s and a handful of CW shows, my favorite of which being the Flash and Arrow. I also managed to watch all 5 seasons of the Teen Titans Cartoon Network series from 2003. With that being said, my favorite characters are Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Flash, Batman, Nightwing/Robin (Dick Grayson), Green Arrow, Starfire, Raven, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Alfred. I also like most of the bat family, and when it comes to CW I LOVE Caitlin Snow/Killer Frost and Cisco.

Miraculous- this is one of my guilty fandoms but since this is Tumblr I'm not too worried about it. I love Marinette and I relate to her on an astoundingly deep level (minus the stalking and obsession with potential lovers, that's creepy). If I had a miraculous, I'd probably want the Ladybug one, but the Cat miraculous, fox miraculous, and snake miraculous are good too. My favorite character is Marinette/Ladybug.

Atla/Tlok- I jumped on the avatar bandwagon just when it was starting to get popular, so I managed to get through the series before the memes took over everything. Same with Tlok, although i couldn't completely avoid the spoilers for that when i started it. I've been wanting to get into the comics because of the short story comics I've read, they seem easier to read than superhero comics. My favorite characters are Aang, Katara, Ty Lee, Iroh, Korra, Jinora, Asami, Suki, Appa, Momo, Naga, and Pabu. I also like Sokka, Mai, Zuko, Lin, Kuvira, Varrick, Zhu Lee, and Azula. I feel really sorry for her and while I understand that a redemption arc would undermine the importance of her corruption arc, I still wish she could have one. I would love to be a waterbender or an airbender... maybe a waterbender raised in the air nation? Obviously, being the avatar itself would be awesome. The show has taught me a lot of great lessons and put a lot of stuff into perspective for me.

Star Wars- oh boy, talking about this one is dangerous. I've seen firsthand the horrors of the Star Wars fandom but then again no one will probably see this anyway so... I've seen all the movies and I remember watching the clone wars series with my brother when I was younger but we fell wayyy behind and it's taking us forever to get back into it. I've also seen the Mandalorian and quite enjoyed it. I like the prequels unironically, in fact, the prequels are some of my favorite movies. I especially like how they switched from lightsabers being heavy weapons to light weapons that can be used for all kinds of tricks that make for epic battles like the ones we see in Revenge of the Sith. The sequels were fun to watch but when I would analyze them along side their predecessors, I came to the conclusion that, for me, they were good to watch but did not do anything good for the rest of the franchise. My favorite characters are prequels/clone wars Obi Wan and Anakin, Padme, Ashoka, Leia, R2D2, BB-8, R4-P17, the Mandalorian (Din Djarin), and Grogu. If I had a lightsaber I'd want it to be blue, but when I was little I got a purple one like Mace Windu because it was closer to pink and I was into pink at the time. I still have that lightsaber and none of my friends have a purple one so it's one of my flexes. I feel like I wouldn't make a good jedi because of attachments being forbidden, so I'd probably become a grey jedi.

Literature- this is a broad term I use to cover all the random books and stories I liked reading and have studied. So we have Shakespeare (Macbeth, Much Ado About Nothing, Romeo and Juliet), The Great Gatsby (bored while reading, loved to analyze), Grendel (HATED reading, loved to analyze, Grendel really needed a hug and a friend), The Crucible, Fahrenheit 451, Dark Life (+ the sequel Riptide, both are by Kat Falls good reads, sci-fi and kind of dystopian), The Once and Future King

Winx Club- I think the show is trashy but I still love watching it. I haven't been able to get through season 6 though and I hated what they did with season 8 and Fate: the Winx Saga. My favorite character is Bloom along with Stella and Flora. I prefer rai to nick. My favorite transformations are magic winx, enchantix, and harmonix. My favorite member of the Trix is Icy followed by Darcy. My favorite Pixies are Chatta and Lockette.

Nintendo- mainly Pokémon above all else, followed by Animal Crossing. I have also played (mostly as player 2 or just never beat or watched my brother play) mario games, legend of zelda, pikmin, and kirby. Games I haven't played but I just liked the characters/the lore and probably learned about through Super Smash Bros. are Fire Emblem (Lucina mostly), Metroid (Samus and baby metroid), and Kid Icarus. Pokémon is where I'm most knowledgeable but you'll most likely beat me in battle. I am however great at MarioKart and I always destroy my friends at it. Terrible at fighting games though.

Minecraft- I like playing this casually. Sure, I'll play for hours and hours on end for months, but I prefer to stay exclusively in peaceful when playing Survival mode and I don't make anything too ambitious in Creative mode. I like to write, so sometimes I'll make a rough layout of the settings of my stories in different worlds. I prefer interior design and decorating when building, and when in survival mode I focus more on mining and gathering while my brother works on ambitious building projects. I just bring him the raw materials and furnish the interior when he finishes the outside.

Little Witch Academia- this takes up a smaller portion of my fandom list because there were only 2 seasons and a couple movies and I watched the whole series years ago, but I still enjoy it. At one point I wanted to cosplay Akko, and I loved the nod at Twilight through the Nightfall series. And I especially liked the twist that Shiny Chariot was Ursula, which I suspected for some time. The blend between magic and technology was fun to see, but I was so sad that the series ended RIGHT when Akko finally showed signs of magic proficiency. Also, Shiny Chariot being the reason Akko couldn't do magic was heartbreaking.

Voltron- this takes up a much smaller portion of my fandom list mainly because I haven't even finished it. I know hardly anything about Transformers aside from the Bumblebee movie so to me I just watch it for fun. It reminds me of power rangers, star wars, and star trek, and then there's just a transformer insert. But I don't know anything about Transformers so maybe the show is more rooted in canon than I think.

Coraline- I am in a love-hate relationship with Coraline. I have watched the movie several times, I've read the book, I've watched hours of theories and analyses on youtube, I've watched behind the scenes videos by Laika, and I even wrote a script for a fan film parody. I am amazed at how original the story is and how impressive the stop motion animation is but I also have recurring nightmares from it and it scares me/creeps me out to the max. If anyone asks what my scariness limit is, it's definitely Coraline.

[hercleverboy]

kate!!! you are fantastic congrats on such a milestone, you deserve all the love 💓 could i please get a ✏️ + watching a film and him picking it apart i just think it'd be funny and 💚?

💚 a handwritten quote from one of my favourite books/authors/poets

emily!! thank you so much 🥰

‘ I was never really insane

except upon occasions when

my heart was touched ‘

- Edgar Allen Poe

✏️ <1k spencer x reader concept

(spoilers for the twilight saga - which if you haven’t seen.. what have you been doing?!?)

Y/N had made herself comfortable, bundled up on the couch under thick blankets with their collection of snacks on the table next to them. She had decided that today was as good of a day as any to rewatch the entire twilight saga. She had the day off work and wanted nothing more than to sit and lose herself in the fantasy world of the films she’d watched a hundred times already.

She was halfway through Breaking Dawn Part One when the apartment door opened and closed, her tired looking boyfriend shuffling in.

Spencer dropped his satchel on the floor, kicking off his converse before moving towards the couch, seeking comfort in the warm arms of his girl. He sat down on the sofa next to her, immediately leaning forward to place his head on her chest and wrap his arms around her middle so he was essentially laying on top of her.

He buried his face in her neck, letting out a tired whine as her hands reached up to gently comb through his brown locks.

“Tough day, baby?” She asked quietly.

He nodded against her.

“Is anything you need me to do?”

He took a moment before shaking his head, his muffled voice barely loud enough for her to hear. “No. Just want to hold you.”

She grinned to herself, placing a kiss on the top of his head before turning her attention back to the movie.

Y/N was amused by how invested Spencer seemed in the film, his eyes staying on the screen as he watched intently.

“Carlisle, I know that it’s impossible but- I think that I’m pregnant.” Bella spoke on-screen.

“She’s right, that is impossible.” Spencer piped up, confusion in his tone.

“Yeah. But it’s fictional, Spence. It doesn’t have to make sense.” She reasoned, chuckling slightly as he shook his head adamantly.

“There is no possible way she could be pregnant. Edward isn’t even alive.” He emphasised with an unamused grunt. “And besides, without any blood flow, how.. how would he even get... excited?”

“I think the author of the books said it had something to do with his venom.” Y/N replied absentmindedly, more focused on the on-screen commotion.

Spencer scrunched up in nose with a huff. “But how does that work? Venom is delivered in animals by injection using hollow or grooved fangs. Some venoms can affect the nervous system which can lead to paralysis and muscle damage. Did you know that venom extracted from fire ants has been scientifically proven to be useful in cancer treatment? Actually, snake venoms contain proteins that can be used to treat conditions such as arthritis, and even thrombosis.”

Y/N looked down at him, impressed and entertainment by his rambles. “That’s really interesting, babe. But I think in this case, the venom turns humans into vampires.”

He nodded, his brows still furrowed. “So, is she a vampire now?” He stretched out a finger to point toward Bella on the screen.

“No, she would have to be bitten in order to turn.”

Spencer stopped talking, nodding at Y/N’s explanation even though she knew he had a hundred more questions to ask.

That was until Bella’s baby bump was shown, and Spencer’s voice piped up again.

“Didn’t she get pregnant two weeks ago?”

Y/N hummed.

“Then how is the baby already that big? It takes close to ten months for a woman to carry a baby to full term! There’s no possible explanation for how the baby is already fully grown?” He whined.

Y/N sighed with a small smile as she began to explain once more. “Well the baby is half human and half vampire, so their growth rate is much faster than that of a normal human-“

“-But that doesn’t make any sense!”

kate’s 1k celebration 🦋

[zalrb]

OKAY. SINCE ANONS SEEM TO BE INTERESTED. HERE IS MY DAWSON’S CREEK 1X01 REVIEW.

@jayciethings​ IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

1. I think the opening scene does a good job in establishing the central struggle of the season and it does it in 3 minutes: 1) things need to change and Joey wants them to 2) Dawson doesn’t see why anything has to change and doesn’t see what Joey is trying to say 3) burgeoning sexuality 4) Joey-Dawson friendship.

2. I also think the Joey-Dawson friendship is also established really well and it’s actually a time where dialogue and action work in tandem. They give a brief history/overview of their friendship: “you’ve been sleeping over since you were 7″ “i’ve seen you pick your nose, scratch your butt” while also showing them watch tv, playfight and ultimately end up sleeping in the same bed, like they did when they were 7.

3. I actually don’t find the dialogue as annoying right now.

4. I will forever be angry that they didn’t pay to have the original music with their scenes because Dawson’s Creek is not Dawson’s Creek without “I Don’t Wanna Wait”.

5. “He did it again, he grabbed my ass.” “Like you even have one.” Joshua’s delivery is perfect because it’s resigned and un-offended.

6. “I’m Jen.” “Oh right, the granddaughter from New York.” That actually isn’t clunky. It’s a good way to do exposition.

7. “You look different.” “Puberty.” LOL Joey Whitter sass.

8. Honestly, at least so far, Joey’s behaviour makes sense for a 15 year old girl who is in love with her best friend who doesn’t see her as a sexual being and then has to watch him salivate over The New Girl. No, that isn’t Jen’s fault but sometimes people on this site act like teenagers or adults for that matter don’t have messy and not-so-great emotions/reactions to things. Unless, apparently, they’re men who are rapists and serial killers, then the understanding is boundless.

9. It’s actually refreshing to hear “Mr. Leery” “Mrs. Leery” since teens in shows now just call adults by their first names, which I would NEVER do. I still can’t do that. If I had to address initiumseries’ dad it would be Mr...

10. I also think it’s funny that this dialogue is being made fun of but this kind of cadence and irony is the kind of thing shows go for now -- Riverdale tries to emulate this and I would argue Euphoria tries to do an edgier version of this. Like Nellie insulting Pacey, that kind of tone is what they’re trying to go for with Cheryl.

11. I’ll admit this is more fun than I thought it would be so far.

12.  I LOVE WHAT’S EDGY FOR THE NINETIES. SHE IS IN A SUNDRESS. SETTLE DOWN.

13. “I have it on pretty good authority that mothers have excellent sex.” LOL Pacey, dick move.

14. Renting The Graduate, how on the nose.

15. THEIR CLOTHES ARE SO 90s.

16. The soundtrack pisses me off so much.

17. Oh Dawson. I knew so many self-important, I’m-so-deep-I-like-these-kinds-of-movies or -this-kind-of-music boys in high school. Like I find it so typical that he thinks his obsession with Spielberg would interest Jen.

18. Dawson taking Jen to his studio is like Klaus taking Caroline to sees his drawings.

19. Oh man, I remember being a kid and watching these teen shows with my cousin and seeing how Capeside High School was with everyone on a quad and throwing footballs and being like HIGH SCHOOL IS GOING TO BE LIKE THAT and my cousin just being like

20. I like how Dawson’s Creek is the whitest show and they still managed to have more Black extras than Gilmore Girls.

21. Dawson and Jen actually have a nice chemistry. But everyone is coming on super strong with Jen and she’s just kind of like, this seems normal.

22. The film teacher is a dick for no reason. I’ve had my fair share of dickish teachers but this is excessive right off the bat.

23. Lol poor Jen, she really is trying with Joey.

24. I like how a status of Joey’s class is the fact that her sister is engaged to a Black man *eye roll*

25. I don’t know of any school where teachers ate in the cafeteria with the students. In my school there were teachers who supervised the cafeteria but that’s it. Wow, I spent like no time in my high school cafeteria.

26. “I’m having a climax issue”

27.  Tamara, Ms. Jacobs, you should be in jail.

28. I like how this school LOOKS like a school.

29. Ugh, a trans jokes. Ugh, there was so much of that in the 90s.

30. “Nothing has to change. We can talk about anything.” Honestly, from a screenwriting point of view, this is a solid pilot. I remember in a screenwriting class I took, we studied The Social Network and every 10 pages someone calls Zuckerberg either an asshole or a jerk or something in that vein as a way to reiterate a key part of the theme of the movie and while I don’t have the pilot script in front of me, DC does reiterate the theme of the season frequently without it being repetitive.

31. The dialogue isn’t as hyperbolic as I remember tbh. And I’m going to say it again, shows are aiming for this, even the one episode I saw of the Winx Saga, when they try to flirt about mansplaining, when she’s fighting with her mom about how she’s not a feminist, they’re trying for this. But DC manages to make it more natural and it’s because the Core 4 have a charm. Even if you hate Dawson.

32. Who is Dawson’s dad. Is he in something else?

33. No, I just think he looks like Dr. Cox.

34. Dawson’s rant about sex not being important is hilarious. Yes, Dawson, you’re just pursuing Jen out of intellectual and philosophical desire.

35. I like how Joey is supposed to be a tomboy just because she’s the only girl/woman in Capeside who doesn’t wear a sundress.

36. Poor Jen.

37. Joey is super dramatic, I get that, but I kind of love it because I’m going RELAX but the way I would to a teenager. Like CALM. DOWN. Also “all I do is understand” is something that we needed to see more of before that argument.

38. Dawson, you never ask anyone else any questions about themselves, lol.

39. “How can you say you were just renting a movie??” Pacey is such a fifteen year old and I do wish the show would just ... let him be one? And what I mean by that is Pacey is supposed to be the friend with the edge, the fact that he “pursues” Ms Jacobs is supposed to attest to that fact, it’s framed as taboo and yet they’re presented as being on equal footing, even the way her date moves to grab him out of his seat when the fact of the matter is, he’s a kid, and if the show didn’t actually make the Tamara/Pacey relationship a storyline and made it about another way teenagers have certain idealized perceptions of relationships or apply kid knowledge to adult situations which still makes them kids, it would’ve been interesting too.

40. Dawson is literally dressed in different shades of beige. If that doesn’t say everything you need to know about his character --- which is intentional. But like jfc man.

41. I love that they can’t say “masturbate” so she has to say “walk your dog” I LOVE THE NINETIES.

42. And you know what, after that question was asked, the sheer heartbreak on Joey’s face and the sadness in Dawson’s eyes is done really well.

43. LMAO SO ANGSTY. No one does angst like the 90s.

44.  And legitimately, the ending of this pilot is great screenwriting because a change is noted, the beginning of the episode, Joey does end up staying the night, the end of the episode she leaves because they both realize it’s true that things are changing and yet Dawson answers her question about what time of day he masturbates and to who because they’re still Dawson and Joey. And that’s the way a pilot should be written.

OK. I’ve done it.