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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

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“you get me” (famous!y/n x harry)

Famous!y/n x Harry Styles

First Harry fic so please be kind, but feedback is SUPER appreciated

Initially inspired by the picture of Harry leaving the Gucci store with 15 bags but barely has anything to do with that lol

Definitely thought of Ellen for the interview idk why tho - also I struggle with writing Harry’s dialogue because I really want to get it right, but hopefully the more practice I get, the better/more natural it will sound. ALSO i have like no music or music industry background lol. Somewhat proofread, but its 2:30 am so it could be shit

Fluff!

Warnings: maybe some angst over being famous per say, past loneliness

Word Count: 3.7k literally howwww, i’m going to do a pt. 2 though because it was kind of a long set up and feelingsssss

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Interviewer: Please, welcome our next guest, a woman who’s sure to have her name written up beside the music greats someday, Ms. Y/N L/N!

You can’t contain the grin that spreads to your face as you carry yourself out onto the stage and see the audience cheering for you. It was your third big interview since your first album had been released and you’d seen your fame skyrocket over night. This being the third one this week meant you’d gotten comfortable getting asked questions, but you also weren’t bored of it yet. It was exhilarating being the center of attention, especially for something that had been your life’s work up until this point. You always had to fight for whatever you got and the recognition you were starting to have was reassurance that you hadn’t been a fool to risk a safe and certain life for your dreams.

The interview begins as the rest had, a few pleasantries, how you were feeling, and then the introduction of the album. The host asked you what your inspiration was for some of the songs and the album name and cover. You loved to talk about the music, it was the whole reason you were there. The meaning, the sound, the name, it all meant so much to you and you talked about how music can be interpreted differently by everyone and even the shifts in someone’s mood can change a song’s meaning, but what it meant to you at the time of writing was always something specific. You practiced those answers in the mirror before the interviews because they were important to you and you didn’t want your words on your art to ever be misconstrued. The host then complimented your style and you were at the point where you thought your interview should be wrapping up when they asked you one more question, and it threw you for a loop.

Interviewer: So Y/N, we’ve been hearing some rumblings around, about you and another famous musician, Mr. Harry Styles. Anything going on there?

Your face heated up, you hadn’t been expecting a personal question about possible relationships. Nothing like this had been asked of you at your previous interviews. It’s about the music, the art, and who you were, it’s always about that and nothing more. To be honest, you were a bit annoyed the host had chosen to stray from those topics. You didn’t care for the celebrity side of being a famous musician, the lack of privacy, the prying eyes of media and the general public. They saw enough of you through your art, you bore your soul through music why did they want to peak into your heart as well?

Y/N: I don’t know if I’d rather be with Harry Styles or actually be Harry Styles. Like, he’s literally such an icon, I want to be able to walk out of a Gucci store after spending hours there with 15 bags full of my purchases and helpers to carry it all out c’mon… He’s also an amazing songwriter, musician, and performer, of course. Didn’t mean to sound superficial, but I’d also love to own even half of his closet.

You hadn’t really answered the question, but the audience laughed and the host obviously got the hint that you weren’t interested in fanning any flames of romance with Harry Styles or anyone else. For one, you didn’t even know the man, but you had always been a loving fan of his. You cited him as one of your role models when you were first starting to try and break into the music world. Second, if you did know him, that wouldn’t be an appropriate topic for your album press junket going on, even if it meant more publicity because of Harry’s big celebrity status. The host decided to qualify their original question with a final sentiment.

Interviewer: I totally feel the same way! I only ask because the outpouring of support you’ve received seems to be from similar groups who also follow Harry. Many have been comparing your sound to his solo career work.

Y/N: Ah...well that’s very kind of people to say. He’s definitely a big inspiration, his creativity and drive is incredible. I’d love to be as successful as him someday.

The interview ended. You and the host shook hands and you waved and sent kisses to the crowd before retreating backstage. You were exhausted, but happy. You hoped to avoid anymore stressful interview questions that didn’t truly revolve around music. Of course, life is never that simple.

One month later

You had done countless more interviews and talk shows as promo for your album and the buzz around it had continued to grow. Your fame continued to rise as well and that one question you had dodged at your third interview had come back around to bite you, naturally. Daily Mail’s dumb headline read: “Y/N can’t decide! Date Harry Styles or Steal His Closet?” The Sun was also running with your response and miscontruing it completely, something about how you were madly in love with Harry but jealous of his designer partnerships, you couldn’t even stomach reading the garbage. This was your worst nightmare. Not only was it taking away the focus from your album, but you were also sure this dumb gossip had reached the very set of ears that the gossip was allegedly also about.

You had signed with Columbia Records for your first album, the same record label as Harry Styles, so managers had been in contact with one another about the whole fiasco trying to get the actual truth - which was that the two of you didn’t even know each other and there were no problems whatsoever. Your manager also brought along the good news that Harry had actually listened to your album and loved it, “He said ‘Congratulations’ by the way, loved the sound. Said he’d heard you were very music focused and be open to do some mentoring on songwriting and vocal specifics, if you wanted. It’d have to be in private though, obviously.” She had added the last bit, but you understood why. To have the opportunity to discuss your music with one of your longtime role models, heroes even, was beyond anything you could have imagined coming from your album’s success. And it made the drama all the more palatable because now you at least got to talk to Harry like the media was so adamantly saying you were doing already.

You nodded quickly and agreed, while trying to keep your teenage fangirl excitement hidden below your mature now-famous musician facade. Like you said, Harry was your hero, he’d been your hero since you were in middle school and had Up All Night downloaded on your iPod touch, blasting it as loud as possible, sound hitting your poster-filled walls. You weren’t the same girl as you were then, obviously, you had grown up to be a strong, independent, and confident woman. But, you still smiled at the thought of your younger self with your baby face squealing in the nosebleeds at the Take Me Home Tour (where you swore Harry had looked straight at you) and her seeing you now, dressed in a sleek outfit setting up an appointment to meet with Harry to discuss your first album, a success.

The next Thursday evening

You took a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your pursed lips. You were anxious and excited at the exact same time. Your meeting with Harry was tonight, right now actually, and you hadn’t been able to think about much else since your manager had confirmed the meeting last week. She got you the details a couple of days ago, the location: his house in Malibu, the time: 5:45 P.M. You had brought along a copy of your album on vinyl because you thought it sounded best this way, second only to performing it live.

Choosing your outfit for tonight was probably the toughest decision you’d ever made, harder than choosing between an education and following your dreams, harder than choosing your favorite Beatles song. You didn’t want to worry so much, this wasn’t a date you kept reminding yourself, but everything you tried on earlier kept having something wrong with it, too dressy, too boring, too ‘not yourself’. You had settled for these blue high-waisted pants that you’d worn to your first ever podcast interview, a thin black long sleeve, and a brown leather coat that fell below your hips with vans sneakers, casual, simple, yet still true to you and your vibe.

You raised your free arm and formed a fist, hesitant to knock, as if you’d damage Harry’s seemingly perfect Malibu beachfront home by knocking too hard on the wooden front door. You waited a few moments and could here some shuffling behind the door, some incoherent words were seemingly said, but the walls muffled them before they could reach for ears. Soon enough, Harry Styles in the flesh was before you. He beamed down at you, huffing, slightly out of breath as if he had been clear across the house when you knocked. His strong figure towered above your far smaller stature. He was hanging onto the door since he had opened it only slightly. “Hello, Y/N?” he greeted and questioned simultaneously. “Hi,” you responded and extended the same hand that had just rapped against his now open door. He gripped it, ushering you into his home, “Come in, come in, it’s nice to meet you, don’t want you to catch a cold now do we?” He took note of your strong handshake and ring clad fingers.

He walked you into an area between the kitchen and a sitting area. The kitchen was open aside from a bar high top between the two rooms. You sat down at his prompting and made yourself comfortable. “I brought my record on vinyl, sounds best in my opinion, otherwise I’d recommend seeing it live,” you laughed as you handed the vinyl to him and took off your coat. “Technically, y’know, I could hear it live right now, if you were willin’ f’course,” Harry had responded over his shoulder as he placed the vinyl by his idle record player, “Anything to drink?” “Just water for me, please.” His accent was even stronger in person, especially since he had moved back to London and seldomly stayed in California, except for business and quick trips. As far as you knew, he had already been here on business for the week and was able to pencil you in.

You two settled in, with your waters, seated at the bar top beside each other, but swivelling the chairs to face one another more. Again, you were overwhelmed with the reality of the situation, sitting beside Harry Styles as professionals, peers even. He had heard your work and liked it enough to want to discuss it with you. It was a day you never thought would come to pass. He started off not by asking about the music right away, but about how you were doing with the whirlwind that stardom is. “How are you, Y/N? It’s been somewhat of a out of the frying pan into the fire kind of moment for you?” He stared at you intently, caring to hear your answer.

You couldn’t help but chuckle again and contain your smile, “Thank you for asking, Harry. Yeah, its been definitely stressful, but it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more so the good is still outweighing any bad. Definitely, fucking exhausted though, dunno how many more interviews I can do before my jaw goes completely rigid from talking so much.” It’s Harry’s turn to laugh, his eyes shone with intrigue at what you said and how you said it. You were gorgeous, but it was how your hands helped you through what you were trying to say and the small laughs you tried to keep in while you amused yourself with your words that really made him want to hear you talk all night long.

He agreed about how the promo junket for an album can get tedious and tiresome, but also the absolute fulfillment you get from people loving the music you’ve made. The two of you chatted about surface level personal matters for a little more, but quickly moved to the music. “I took a listen a couple weeks after the album was released. I especially loved the last track. It reminded me so much of a song I never released, actually…” he trailed off.

Your final track had been a ballad, an homage to George Harrison with your use of guitar and sitar, but the lyrics were a story based off of a poem you had written one night in high school. It surrounded a girl never feeling quite good enough for the person she wanted to be with and how it happened everytime, everytime she was ready to giver herself to someone, they were always closed off. Of course it held some truth to your own life and feelings, but you wrote this girl as someone with a seemingly perfect life - when yours was obviously far from any semblance of perfection.

You wondered what Harry’s song would have sounded like, had it been about a seemingly perfect girl or a guy with a seemingly perfect life, always giving himself to the wrong person and getting destroyed by that very fact because he was impatient as the girl in your song had been. “Can I ask, how so? How’d it remind you of your own song, the words or the music?” “Oh, the story, I felt like that for a time in my life and I like to be vulnerable in my songs because it helps me process, but listening to it back has always been too painful. Could never release that or perform it, it’d wreck me.” You nodded, you completely got where he was coming from. You noticed his downcast eyes and his somber tone, you knew not to push it any further.

It was quiet and you decided it’d be okay to take his hand resting between the two of you. “Harry, I understand,” your sincerity spilled into the words, filling the quiet house, “It’s not easy. Feeling that way. Thinking you’re the only goddamn one and why the fuck does it always happen to you? I used to ask my ceiling ‘why me?’ every night of high school” you smiled then. “But you know how it is,” you rubbed your thumb over his large warm hand and he lifted his head, “it gets so much better - c’mon look at us now! It can get hard, too, all this, I’m sure. But our lives? They’re amazing!” He beamed as he had when he had first seen you at his door and when you’d first really spoke. He moved his hand from under your palm to weave your fingers with his, both of your hands with covered in rings and they clinked to fit together, finally resting perfectly fitted. He shook your two hands up and down, “God, you’re so right! That damn song, m’sorry always puts me in a mood,” he shakes his head, “not yours though, f’course, s’lovely, better than my sodding song” he finishes quickly.

After that, the mood lightened right back up. It filled you with such appreciation for Harry that he would trust you so much with such a personal detail since you two had just met. But maybe, he had trusted you because he had felt that same spark between you. It wasn’t necessarily a romantic spark, but it was obvious the two of you were kindred spirits. Besides your album, the two of you talked about everything. You loved the same bands, movies and books, you both loved to cook and had similar fashion taste, you even had the same person type - something you found out late into the night.

At the end of the Side B of your album, Harry switched to a Bill Evans record that had ‘Peace Piece’ on it. You loved that song. So did he. “So...planning to raid my closet?” Harry raised his brows from the record player and walked back to you. You almost sputtered the water in your mouth. Luckily, you got it down. “Pardon?” “All that bad press the two of us have been getting...I watched the interview that kind of ignited the tabloids. You’re obviously not used to those overstepping personal questions.” You nodded. “It’s fine, even if you’d completely shut it down, the tabloids probably would have picked it up still, they snap up anything and everything, true or not.” You softened at his reassurance. You hadn’t expected Harry to bring the interview up, but you were sure he wasn’t happy about it, he was so private, especially about his love life. “Thanks, I’m sorry I tried to laugh it off, kind of made it worse, didn’t I?” “No! Thought it was hilarious and I totally appreciated the sentiment. Little ol’me, an icon? And an amazing artist? All I gotta do is watch that clip and I’ve fed my narcissistic side for the week!” You giggled and replied slyly, “So does that mean I can raid your closet? As compensation, of course.” Harry threw his head back in an all consuming laughter, when he’d composed himself he looked in your eyes again and said, “You just...God, you get me.”

Harry had continued to put records on throughout the night, diligently flipping sides and asking for requests, he of course had an extensive collection. The two of you had moved onto his plush couch that looked out his french doors to the beautiful ocean view. Finally, your exhaustion caught up to you, mid-Harry describing his latest travel fiasco, you glanced up at the clock. You gasped. Harry stopped. “When did it get to be half 12?” you questioned almost incredulously, “I’ve gotta get home, Harry, but this has been truly amazing, more than I could have asked for, so thank you.” Your speech began to rush as you started to get up and gather your things, that had slowly scattered as you’d gotten more comfortable, jacket by the table, shoes around the back of the couch, your phone forgotten somewhere in the couch. You couldn’t believe you’d spent almost seven hours just talking with Harry Styles.

Harry quickly stood up from his relaxed positioned on the couch and asked if you were alright to drive this late. You scoffed, “Oh please, I’ve driven around at 3 am before, I just have to turn up the music and I can cruise.” He smiled, “This was great, Y/N, I know we didn’t really go super in depth into your writing process, but I’d love to write with you sometime or just hang out again f’course. Your seriously talented and obviously a wonderful person.” He didn’t include that he felt like he’d never met anyone like you, never met someone so perfectly matched to himself, in passions but also in work ethic and demeanor - compassionate yet confident. He felt like you got him perfectly and he got you. You had stopped your scramble to gather yourself and now you were both smiling at one another.

This had really been an unforgettable night, you couldn’t believe how well you two had meshed, like childhood friends reconnecting after years apart. “Can I give yeh a hug before you go?” Harry’s voice had grown raspier as the night had progressed. He had grown rather tired an hour ago, but had pushed through because they had been having so much fun and you hadn’t noticed his physical fading or the time, obviously. You stepped toward him and his large tattooed arms enveloped you into his body. His body truly dwarfed yours now as he held you to his chest. You both were warm and soft. He tucked his head on top of yours that rested on his chest. Your arms were loosely resting where his back met his waist because you would have had to strain to get them to encircle him. His arms rested around your small frame. “Love your jacket,” he mumbled into your hair. His rough voice was quiet, but the house was silent otherwise, Tusk Side C had finished around when you had noticed the time. The embrace lasted long, but it felt so amazing you had a hard time pulling yourself away, but you had to get back home.

“G’night Harry” you said softly at the threshold of his home. He had insisted on walking you to the front door at least, since you had declined his offer to walk you out to your car on the street. “G’night. Safe travels.”

You got in your car and headed to your apartment in the city. You didn’t bother digging for your phone so you turned on the radio and drove home singing whatever came on, including your own song at one point. The whole time you drove with a grin. Harry was the nicest person you’d ever met and you were confident that the two of you were friends now. As you pulled into your parking garage it dawned on you why you hadn’t connected your phone immediately when you got in your car. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” you put the car in park and rested your palms in the depressions of your eyesockets, over your closed eyelids, and rubbed hard. “Fuck!” It was far too late to drive back out to Malibu for your phone and you obviously couldn’t text Harry that you’d left your phone at his place, despite the two of you exchanging numbers during the night for future hang outs, so they didn’t have to be arranged through your managers, like playdates. Even if he found your phone between the cushions, he couldn’t drop it at your place in the morning because he didn’t know your address. This was a whole mess, you thought. You’d have to drive over in the morning and hope he was still there or email your manager from your computer. The former meant you got to see Harry sooner and likely your phone, too.

part 2

@berrynarrybanana

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #har #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fan fic #I DID IT #I sat down and wrote it #and it took forever #and I need to write a second part but I made something coherent #one direction fanfiction #not my gifs #my writing #I love you h #you get me #my writings

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damfinofanfiction · 3 years

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Chapter 5: Their Night Out

Goodness! I thought it was an easier chapter, but it turned into a longer one. I hope you like this!

It’s been a couple of days since Gail heard something concerning about Buster Keaton that she should never know. Gail was in her room which was meant to be for a maid. It was 11 am, she decided to get up, get dressed, and apply her dark makeup. She tried to stop thinking about Keaton, but she couldn't. Why would he betray the mother of his children, The same woman who he cast in “Our Hospitality”? Then, a thought occurred to her, what if Mayzie is lying? It is hard to believe that she would make up a fib about one of Hollywood's elite. Suddenly, her train of thought stopped when she heard knocking on a door.

“Come in,” Gail answered, brushing her hair.

Sally slowly opened the door, sending Gail two pieces of toast because she missed breakfast. She said to her housemate, “Bae it’s unlike me, but, I’m a bit worried, you aren't yourself since after we got home from the Venice café last Thursday.” She went in to sit on the edge of the bed, “What’s eating ya?”

Gail turned away from the mirror to look at her, “Sal, how much do you know Mayzie?”

Sally shook her head, “Nah, I don’t pay attention to the whole gang.”

“Do you think she would ever lie to anyone?”

She leaned on the bedpost, “I do think she might have lied about her age.”

She took a deep breath before saying, “At the party, she told me she went out with a famous actor.” Sally’s face brightens up in astonishment. Then Gail continued with “And he’s married.” Her brows, then furrowed, “What?”

“She also told me not to tell anyone.” She moved next to sally, “What do you think?”

“If she were lying, she would say he’s a bachelor.”

Gail looked down feeling disappointed, “Well, I hope that isn’t true.”

“It doesn’t matter Bae, this is Hollywood, people sleep around.”

She turned to sally, “You sleep around.”

“Yes, but not to married people!” Gail wanted to weep if it weren’t, for Sally’s presence and her freshly applied makeup, she finally took the toast and ate it “Did Mayzie tell you who it was?”

Gail responded while brushing off the crumbs from her lap, “Yes, but I cannot tell.”

“Then leave it as it is.”

Gail puts aside the half-eaten toast and lies down, feeling aggravated, “I need to clear my head.”

Sally lies to join Gail when she suggests, “How about we go out for the night?”

Gail was uncertain, but, she nonetheless responded with, “So long as I get you home at a reasonable time, I think it's a good plan.”

Sally suggested, “We can go dancing and then to a speakeasy”

Gail nodded in agreement, “When’ll that happen?”

Sally responded with a blank expression, “Not if my aunt is occupied.” They realized that Lenore could get worried ill with both of them being out at night.

Gail said to her, “If she falls busy, We’ll see if that time comes.”

Sally held her hand, “It’s a deal.”

2 weeks later, Lenore was set to go to a friend’s house for a game of bridge, leaving the women free to go downtown. They went out of the house in their short evening dresses like flappers. Sally was dressed in red and wears her stockings rolled, unlike Gail, who left her stockings unrolled along with her black and white dress. They went by taxi for dinner and dancing. The nightclub they attended was not elite, but it was to their taste. They danced to jazz and the foxtrot. Before they exhaust themselves, they retreated to the Speakeasy by taxi.

After they are dropped off, Sally and Gail walked on the pavement until they reached the toy store. The blonde took out a tiny piece of paper from her clutch, “It’s got to be that address.” Gail detected the alley on the side of the store, “I see four trash cans lined up here”. Sally smiled, “Then this must be the Joint.” Located at the end of the alleyway, they climbed down the steps to get to the door.

Gail clung to the rail in caution, “How secure is it?”

“The speakeasy changes passwords every week, thankfully I remained in contact with my ex Roger. I hope he’s kept out of jail.” Sally knocked on the door. A pair of eyes appeared from the peephole. “Password?”

She replied, “Davis sent me.”

It was opened by a man in overalls, who padded both of their bodies thoroughly to make sure neither of them had police badges.

“Hey Jackass! Do you do this to all the patrons or just the women?” Sally squawked.

“Quiet that’s my business!” The man yelled as he examined their clutch purses. After inspection, he said, “You’re good to go,”

The friends were let into the room as Gail went curious when she noticed two passageways, then she was notified that one was to be discreet. They went through the main passageway to a chamber designed to look like a saloon. The Gin mill does not have a traditional clientele, as its patrons come from various races. The musician was Hispanic, while the bartender was Asian. Gail was intrigued at the diversity but remained cautious for rough drunks. They are only carousing men, hopefully not threatening.

Sally walked to the serving area to order drinks while Gail went to find seats for them. She found a booth in an area that was somehow unoccupied except for an overweight man sitting in the back. Gail thought that guy looked very familiar, but she prefers to enjoy her evening.

Gail raised her hand to get Sally’s attention. As she joins her on a booth, a server brought them complimentary potato chips and water. Though they were satisfied from dinner, Sally couldn’t help herself for a bite.

Sally was elated when the drinks appeared on their table. She handled her glass saying, “Oh I miss you.” before downing her giggle water. However, Gail was nervous since she had never had real alcohol before. “How can I be careful?” Sally told her, “Drink slowly”.” As she took her first sip she tingled to the burning sensation in her mouth and then her throat. Her reaction caused her friend to laugh, which infuriated her. Sally then congratulated her, “Welcome to my world.” And after a moment, they clink their glasses together.

Not long after, Sally nearly spits out her drink, whispered to Gail, “Bae, look behind you.” She reacted in surprise at the sight of Buster Keaton, who was shaking hands with the overweight fellow.

Gail nearly slammed her face on the table when she said, “Of all the Gin mills in Los Angeles at this hour of the day, he has to go here.”

Confused, she said to her raven-haired friend, “I thought he was your favorite.”

“I did before I hear-,” Gail paused before she spilled the beans.

However, Sally was quick to figure out, “Oh shit. That was Buster?”

Gail covered her face rather than admitting, but eventually nodded her head.

Sally did not react as strongly as her friend did but, was still in disbelief, “That explains why you’re feeling down and out.”

Gail is so upset that she took a few sips from her drink.

Sally patted her shoulder, “It doesn't matter if that's a bunch of crap or not, don't let that get your goat, you're supposed to sit back and calm your nerves.” She gestures to Buster, “Let that Keaton fellow hang out with the fat guy.”

She raised her eyebrows as she finally identified the man, “Sal, that’s Roscoe Arbuckle!”

Gail didn't recognize Arbuckle at first because he hasn't appeared on film for over 3 years. Before the scandal, he was a headliner in films under the nickname, “Fatty”, and he had previously worked in keystone comedies. Her first exposure to Buster was when he started his own film career working with him.

Sally went perplexed, “Huh, I forgot all about him.”

As Gail was touched upon Buster's appreciation for his friend during hard times, she concluded that perhaps something good existed in Keaton after all.

************

“How’s business treating you, pal?” Buster asked, sitting across his friend.

Arbuckle shrugged, “Better than last time. The Tuxedo Comedies had me directing another short. It’s a comedic take on John Ford’s The Iron Horse.”

Keaton lounged on his seat, “My guess is you would be working with good ol’ Al St. John.”

“You are correct Bus. Speaking of which, he asked me for a favor for you.”

Buster responded with a sure nod.

“You know that Rocket Train you used for Our hospitality, he wants to borrow the Locomotive for the short.”

Grinning, he replied, “Well, I got to use it anyway.” Later, joking, he said, "Next thing you want me to be in the movie as well?”

They laughed at the thought, but Arbuckle would consider it. Soon, their drinks show up with Buster having told the server that both of them are for him as he is worried they would be spit on by the server.

Roscoe asked, “Enough about me, How did Seven Chances go?”

Buster tapped the table as he responded, “I've got it, I came up with the perfect gag to end the sequence.”

Roscoe cheerfully said, “Good for you, how will that go then?”

Buster wiggled his finger, “Ah, You have to watch my film to find out.”

He raised his glass slightly, “Also I would like to thank you again for including Doris in Seven Chances.”

“No problem, chief.” 2 friends clinked their glasses together.

*****************

Gail was drinking water when she asked, “Are they still here?”

Sally looked behind and said “Yep.”

Seeing the waiter come back, Gail made a suggestion, “You know what, how about if I buy him and Mr. Arbuckle a drink?”

Sally smiled seeing her clever side, “Getting his attention? I like it” she chipped in, “Let me pay for one of them!”

Soon after, the server brought Buster and Roscoe 2 smaller glasses of liquor. Before they had a chance to speak, the server informed them that the drinks were paid for by the ladies at the booth. Gail shyly waved as the Server pointed to her and Sally.

Roscoe half-wittingly questioned him, “Which one of these dames you will be taking in?”

Buster was offended. “Stop that! You know very well my heart belongs to my wife!”

Roscoe half-heartedly said, “Yeah, the one you cheated on after she kicked you out of the bedroom.” Buster hushed him, concerned that someone would hear.

As Roscoe was apologizing to Buster, Gail recognized Buster’s body language, in a suspecting manner, perhaps Arbuckle knows something.

Within an hour, Sally had ordered another round and asked Gail to mingle with the patrons, but she preferred instead to observe the body language of a screen comedian and his rotund friend. By the time sally returned she felt intoxicated but not too drunk. Gail, who was now seated next to her, gave her chips to counteract the effects of the alcohol.

After all that carousing, Roscoe stood up and put on his hat and coat, “I’d better go home. Doris won’t like it if I leave her alone too long.”

The friends exchanged parting words and Roscoe left to the same door that his protégé had entered an hour before. Gail frowned seeing this, thinking that the stone face will have to leave as well.

Gail sighed, “And I wondered just how innocent Buster really is.”

Sally went, “Screw it, go talk to him.”

Gail was bewildered. She thought sure after the time she encountered the comedian in person, she is certain she will pass out again. She told sally “I don’t know, after what happened on the set-”

Sally patted her cheek, “Bae, you made it so far without blacking out, you’ll be fine.”

Gail feeling unsure, took one more sip to ease her nerves, got up from her table, and straighten her dress.

Sally also stood up to whisper to her friend, “If you do not find out anything about him, I can talk to that Mayzie girl.” Then she pats her in the back before sitting down, “Good luck.”

Gail got Keaton’s attention when she stood near him.

She waved and smiled when introducing herself, “Hi, my name is Gail Anders.” She was trying hard not to blush, “In case you didn’t remember me, I was on one of the brides in the chase sequence in Seven Chances.”

Keaton nodded, “Oh of course. I want to thank you for the drinks.”

"You're welcome, It's all we can do.” she pointed to sally behind her, “She helped pay for them. Her name is Sally.”

Gail had her hands on her back to hide her fidgeting fingers, “I want to tell you I’ve been a fan of your work. I even saw your films with Mr. Arbuckle.”

He didn’t say anything, he was studying her looks. He only nodded at her to respond.

Behind her happy expression, she was seconds away from telling him that he was with Mayzie and asking if he is dating other women when Buster finally chirped out, “Didn’t you work at the Café on Venice Beach?”

Her hands stopped fidgeting, “Yes, I used to be chorus girl with Sally. Why did you ask?”

“I was there once around last year.”

She went wide-eyed, “You’re, kidding? How did I not notice?”

Buster admitted, “I was on the very back. I was good at blending.” He also recalled, “I think it was that jump rope sequence.” Gail remembered that one. The chorus girls were jumping rope for the act. She was considered lucky to not have fallen out of the stage.

He praised her, “I thought you did very well.”

She blushed hearing this, “Thanks. I currently work at Mack Sennett’s studio.” Buster asked, “Have you played lead roles?” She replied “No I just work on background roles. Sometimes as a bathing beauty.”

“I think you deserved to be in the movies”

Gail was blessed hearing that, “Thank you again. Gail continued, “Oh, and I love Sherlock Jr. It’s such a great show. I saw it four times. My boyfriend didn't think it was that funny. Though the effects are amazing.”

Buster seemed thrilled to hear that considering it didn't make much money as his latest film The Navigator did. As Gail attempted to talk more about the effects, a clunk came from behind her.

Gail turned and saw that Sally drank up the alcohol left behind on the table, and tipped the glass. She turned back to the stone face and said “I think I have to get her home soon.”

He asked, “Is she your sister?”

She shook her head, “No, I just live with her and her aunt.”

He went puzzled, “Why here?”

Her eyes trailed off, “I don’t have an idea. Sally told me she wanted to take advantage of the growing real estate.”

Buster was close to chuckling, “No, no, I meant where are your folks?”

She sat straight as she told him, “They are in Nevada. They were nervous about me moving to Los Angeles after the scandal. I did so anyway and then sally took me in from that cheap unpleasant place.” she went, “Regardless, I thought it was a nice thing of you to check on Mr. Arbuckle.”

“Roscoe? Thanks. I owe everything to him.”

Sally whispered in her ear, “Has she told about me.” Gail didn’t know that her friend was so close to her that she frightened her. Buster stood up from his chair to get ready to leave “How about I escort you fellers through the passageway?”

Gail nodded at his gesture, “Sure just let me leave a tip first.”

With Sally seemingly drunk, Gail has her hold her friend to keep her in place while Keaton led them back to the entrance where they saw that the man in overalls is now napping.

After they reached the door, Gail turned to Buster saying, “Will I ever see you again, Buster?”

“As long as you catch me on Seven Chances,” he said. Gail giggled at his reply.

Her soft statement was, “Maybe I'll audition for your next movie. Goodbye now.” Keaton watched as they departed the Speakeasy.

As they got out of the alleyway Sally asked, “Well, did you find out anything about Keaton?”

Gail was raising her hand to attract a cab, “I can’t do it. I don’t care anymore. I know he is a very trustworthy friend.”

Sally went, “Okay if he is a cheat. He needs to stop that before he goes to hell.”

Gail was happy to chat with her favorite screen comedian but when she mentioned her boyfriend to Keaton she suspected that she might have struck his nerve. It is not clear that he showed it, but it is possible.

Soon, their ride home shows up and got on the passenger seat. As Sally leaned on her friend she commented, “Oh and you aren't kidding about the accent. Some night out huh?”

Note: that the film that Roscoe was talking about. it was the Iron Mule (1925). There is even an uncredited appearance from Buster Himself! Try to watch it!

also Gail couldn't hear Roscoe and Buster. that part is supposed to be POV for both Buster and Gail.

#buster keaton fandom #RPF fanfic #Buster Keaton #buster keaton fanfiction #silent comedy

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hatari-translations · 5 years

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Iceland to Poland dispute

If you’re a member of the Hatari International Fans Facebook group, you may have seen someone recently share this article from DV. I’m going to talk about it a bit.

The headline of the article is ‘Hatari before the District Court on Thursday - “They nearly ruined my festival with their greed”’. It explains that Hatari is being sued by Wiktoria Joanna Ginter, organizer of the Iceland to Poland music festival, who contacted DV about the matter. She says that Hatari had agreed to appear at the festival in December, but then a few months later, when they were famous after their Eurovision appearance, they demanded more money for appearing.

It’s important as fans of any kind of celebrity to not get lost in a total denial of the possibility that our beloved faves might do something dickish. However, as it happens I had read a more detailed article on Vísir back in August, which provides a lot more context and shows that the DV article is presenting this issue in a deeply misleading way. So I thought I’d write a post explaining this better article’s account of what’s going on and opining on it.

The Vísir article (summary)

Iceland to Poland is a music festival, where Icelandic bands are taken to several cities in Poland, introducing the Icelandic music scene to Polish music lovers. Wiktoria did approach and book Hatari for the Iceland to Poland festival in December, when Hatari was not yet well known (pre-Söngvakeppnin), and the concerts had been announced. Wiktoria was apparently a personal friend of the band, who actively promoted them and translated Hatari’s lyrics into Polish as a personal favor to Matthías.

Originally Wiktoria planned to book GusGus to headline the festival, but it didn’t work out timing-wise. Because Hatari and Vök have the same agent, she contacted the agent to book both bands. Eventually a contract for Hatari’s participation was signed, but although Vök was in talks too they never actually signed. Wiktoria claims that because they didn’t get Vök to sign on, they lost a major investor who would have put in about 12 million ISK.

In May, she contacted their agent again asking if it’d be okay if Vök got paid after the concerts, because they couldn’t get the funds together before the festival. Subsequently, she says their agent responded with a harshly-worded response saying neither Hatari nor Vök would be appearing. She responded that Hatari could pull out if they wanted if they paid for the booking of a new artist, in accordance with a clause in their contract. At this, she said the agent stopped responding to her e-mails.

A little while later, she says that Einar contacted her, suggesting that she make Hatari the headliners of the festival, on condition that they would be paid six times more than the original contract said. Wiktoria says she responded that they just didn’t have that kind of money to pay them, and that then Einar “became very unfriendly” and called her “crazy”, and finally said he didn’t want to work with her.

Subsequently, Hatari posted an announcement that their appearance at Iceland to Poland had been canceled, “[d]ue to the failure of the promoters of Iceland To Poland to honor basic contractual agreements”. Wiktoria says that the organizers went on to be harassed and decried as thieves by fans of the band, and that she’d had a nervous breakdown as a result.

Hatari’s response

The only official response to all this from Hatari was this statement, quoted at the top of the article (everything else is according to Wiktoria’s account):

To whom it may concern,

Svikamylla ehf. has not received a subpoena of any kind. The reason the multimedia project Hatari canceled their appearance in this festival was that it could not be determined that the band would be paid for their appearance.

Respectfully, Svikamylla ehf.

The DV article

Wiktoria’s account in the DV article makes it sound like they had a contract for Hatari to perform at the festival for a certain amount, but then after they got Eurovision-famous, they just contacted her demanding more money, and then, when she refused, they canceled.

That would indeed be outrageously dickish, but according to the Vísir article - which, again, is also based on Wiktoria’s own account - this is not at all what happened. Hatari canceled (or rather, their agent did) when Wiktoria tried to get Vök to agree to appear without being paid in advance, because they hadn’t yet secured the funding. Reading between the lines, and judging from Hatari’s official response, it seems pretty clear that the agent at least got the impression that they didn’t have the money to pay Hatari on hand either, and were instead just hoping to raise the money sometime in the couple of months remaining before the festival would take place.

Then, after Hatari’s appearance had been canceled, Einar contacted Wiktoria with the offer to appear as headliners, for a higher price.

Ultimately, Wiktoria tried to turn to crowdfunding, and in the end, the final concert of Iceland to Poland was canceled, so it’s apparent the festival really did have major money problems. By contrast, the DV article states the festival went well, which seems like a pretty big lie by omission.

Speculation

This part is inevitably going to be based on my guesses and interpretations, but here’s my best effort to make sense of this.

Clearly, Hatari pulled out not because they wanted more money than originally agreed on, but because it didn’t look like they were going to get paid. Maybe Wiktoria was right that if Vök had just officially signed on like they’d talked about, that one investor would’ve been in. But maybe she wasn’t. I spent six years working at a tiny startup, and if I learned anything from that experience, it’s that investors appear to be super-interested and about to sign, only to end up not actually doing so, all the time. I can believe that Wiktoria genuinely believed she could get the money, but, without knowing any specifics of the festival’s financial situation, I suspect the agent also probably genuinely judged it to be unlikely Hatari would actually end up being paid for the gig if they did appear.

It sounds reasonable for a contract like this to include a clause requiring an artist who cancels to compensate the festival - but it makes sense only when canceling is the artist’s own decision. If there’s no funding to pay the performers, though, it would be ridiculous to expect them to either appear anyway or pay the organizers money to get out of it. Not being able to pay voids the contract from that end. I don’t know the details here, of course - maybe they would have had enough money to pay Hatari and just didn’t have any for Vök. But their agent at least clearly didn’t believe so.

As presented by Wiktoria in the Vísir article, Einar’s offer doesn’t really make any sense: if you quit something because they don’t have the money to pay you, surely you don’t then approach them to go “Okay, but what if you pay us even more”, even if you are just a complete dick - you already know they can’t do that. The only way I can make sense of it is if what Einar was offering was that they would accept being paid after the festival, if they would be the headliners and paid accordingly. And that does actually make a lot of sense. By offering to headline and be paid afterwards, presumably Einar would have been hoping that with Hatari’s new Eurovision fame, having them as headliners would attract investors and sell tickets, enough so to keep the festival afloat and get Hatari their pay in the end. But under those circumstances, of course it would also be pretty reasonable for them to expect to be paid significantly more than originally agreed - they’d be headlining the festival, and also taking on the risk of agreeing to perform without guarantee of payment.

All in all, again, I stress that this last bit is all speculation on my part - but the idea that Hatari ruined the festival with their greed seems extremely exaggerated, and the fact Wiktoria retold the story in such a distorted way to DV doesn’t sound great for her. It also doesn’t sound great for DV that they repeated her statement without even doing the basic research required to find the much more detailed account already published in the media, but DV is known for doing that sort of thing.

Incidentally, the court date cited in the DV article was today. DV noted that the public agenda for the district court didn’t include the case, but that it presumably would be added later. I checked the agenda this morning and still didn’t see the case, and I haven’t seen any news articles today mentioning it. So it’s kind of unclear whether this even happened. I’m confused, but I’ll tell you if I hear more.

One last note: it is really dismaying that Wiktoria was harassed by Hatari’s fans to the point of a nervous breakdown. Harassment is not okay under any circumstances. Please, please do not harass people, even if they're suing your favorite band.

#hatari #news

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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14x05 watching notes

filed under: episodes that demand a written apology from the writer

Morning, I opened the episode to check it worked and the first thing on screen was dead Maggie, so I guess skip the preamble, let's get rid of that D:

Meredith is going to look after Maggie. Who so far this season has just been the human representation of the :o emoji

Er, she's not going to look after us, after the THEN card we abruptly drop into Dean having his beach retirement chat with Sam

A lingering reminder of how Jack would help - if he had his powers - but Sam asks "then what would we do" and cut to Dean being Michaeled. At this point I can't tell if we need to remember 13x23 for Reasons or if they just don't trust us to remember the recent history of the show at all and are catching up people who might have dropped by to see how their favourite guest star, Maggie, is doing.

I mean I love her but she isn't the headliner normally :P

OH GOODNESS SHE'S THE COLD OPEN GIRL. Maggieee no. She looks so scared. Why are they sending her hunting on her own??? She is a smol scared bean who was not prepared for the apocalypse and surely must be able to find other off-the-radar jobs for a person from another universe in this world that don't involve throwing herself at monsters!

She's wearing pink trousers for a stealth mission at night. She makes Sam's orange jacket look like camo

Also she's recording herself... Maggie... What are you doing........ hon......................

I have adopted her, but it turns out I have another stupid child among my many, many stupid children and just once I wish they didn't turn out like this :P

So she's like, attached a go pro to herself to record her hunt for... training purposes? reporting back to Chief? because she's become an adrenaline junkie after all the time she was nearly eaten by supervampires?

MAGGIE

Gad dangit

He was slow moving and you heard him behind you. Swing first, ask questions later, when it's a growling noise in a dark crypt.

Has anyone been counting the apocalypse world peeps because I'm pretty sure they're relying on us not to recognise them because they're a crowd. At this point we almost certainly have like 50+ distinct individuals instead of the 25 they purportedly rescued.

I say this because I feel like some of the white guys from the original batch appear to have metamorphosed into a more diverse group

Sammy setting homework.

Sorry, not Sammy. The Boss.

Dean comes in to observe class.

Sam immediately sheds all his confidence and goes back to being Sammy. He does seem to have a slight layer of scruff more, or maybe it was just that he was looking particularly clean-shaven last episode out of shock

Dean offers to get him a camp counsellor whistle, and Sam gets even more awkward about hunter check ins. I can see this feeding itself here, with Sam blustering and getting weird about his position of authority in front of Dean, and Dean who is both latching on in a brotherly way, and lashing out in a recently emotionally maimed Dean way, but can't yell at the apocalypse peeps they rescued and graciously allowed to stay because, you know, Michael destroyed their world, so taking it all out on Sam... Unfortunately, Dean being the wounded, irrational party, it's down to him to realise he's being a lil too harsh on Sam OR Sam to stop rising to the bait.

In this case, I would say the ball is firmly in Sam's court, not because he's at any particular fault for instinctively reacting like the needled little brother when big bro wanders in snarking at his attempts to do his job, but because he is the one behaving like the adult already in this scenario when he's facing the AU peeps and being The Chief in a natural way where he's thriving in the environment, and crumpling immediately in the face of this one random element is a clear part of his growth and maturity arc. As it is he's feeding Dean's reaction a LOT by getting embarrassed and changing his behaviour and not standing his ground and continuing to act like a mature adult, and giving Dean the little brother teasing opening he feeds off in the dynamic.

In other scenarios this could flip with Sam doing his best and Dean being a dick who's seeking an opening and trying to get Sam to crack and in that case it would be all on him to correct his behaviour, but in this case, I'm leaning Sam being the problem despite the appearance, because he crumpled just to hear Dean coming up the steps, never mind how it went from there. He's acting ashamed of being the leader, because he knows it's emotionally infringing on Dean territory, as he sees Dean as a natural and more rightful leader, and doesn't recognise his own strengths and skills being applied in spades here; his self-confidence immediately is put under the microscope when he knows Dean is there, and it topples his precarious house of cards of self confidence.

He has also put himself in a position of managing Dean, coming in last episode all, alright champ how's it going? and had a success by a country mile with getting Dean to leave his room, open up, and have some fun, and that's not even comparing it to the same time last season when in 13x05 he completely failed at the same task. He has been working gently on Dean to help him, but he can't when it comes to getting Dean used to having the AU peeps around and accepting Sam's new job there, if Sam acts like it's something to be ashamed of and is too horrified by usurping Dean to focus on letting his instincts talk and continuing to blatantly be a wonderful leader.

These AU peeps are also seeing their venerated war hero general just crumple into an insecure mess as soon as his brother walks into the room >.>

Sam gets coffee, turns into coffee!Sam (Lizbob's on the record favourite character in the entire show), finally snaps back at Dean about how many hunters he's keeping track of right now when Dean stops needling in a funny way and asks about Sam's health - of course, now it's all built up into Dean bothering Sam so instead of being a nice request, Sam snaps.

It's possible that while Sam now runs the hunters, delegating to Mary and AUBobby and even Dean if he'll accept it, to help keep track etc, will really benefit in the long run.

Slick way to work where Cas and Jack are into the same breath as where Mary and Bobby are - rugarou, which is code for off screen case - and throw it all out there as plot and ongoing character work AND the requisite where is Cas comment to keep fandom happy.

God, I haven't even gotten around to what I meant to say immediately that Sam dropped down into his codependency seat at the table and Dean is unintentionally mirroring 9x13's final scene of all the many times they've been around this block - off the top of my head but as someone who has been keeping a very close eye for a very long time, I can't think of another significant instance where Sam was sitting and Dean was standing while it got heated.

Of course 9x13 was working very hard to show their divisions, while of course here Sam is just sitting in his Dean Is Upsetting Me chair and Dean's not sitting at the table which just means not engaging with Sam on his level in a very literal as well as metaphorical way - in character, that's a body language dissonance as well as making Sam look up at him. In staging terms, it carries the weight of years of directorial and acting decisions about how to portray the brothers in crisis that I've been noting in case of a pattern.

"Yeah, but a war isn't hunting" good grief Sam is making their entire lives sound even worse than ever given they grew up in this and now he's listing off all the stuff they need from the perspective of being the Bobby. I mean, when they say they were raised like soldiers, they're adding in the fact they do zillions of almost completely unsupported 2 man raids into hostile territory with limited gear or recon. The recap at the start, showing them going in to fight the werewolves with an angel and a nephilim on their side, was an easy hunt for a reason and not just because there were 4 of them :P Without that, no matter how many hunters they accumulate, it's always looked like a losing battle because many of these things you'd want to call the national guard on if civilians could be alerted to the danger.

See, Dean is acting needle-y but as soon as Sam gets an unnerving alert on his phone he's concerned and asks who it is - remember last episode where he was like don't know don't care about the guy Sam was Bobbying from the car? - and when he says "maggie" ... well, they're all clearly protective of her in particular D:

Oh good, the body cams thing was a Sam innovation and therefore a good idea and we can pat his head for it

Bobby never had that and I bet he'd have LOVED to keep track of his peeps that way.

The other hunters meet up on the last thursday of the month to watch the highlight reel from Garth Cam, BYOB, popcorn provided

Nyooom

This shot should win awards for the fuckin horrifying perspective that I, as a non-mountain-dweller, can barely comprehend that it looks like the sky but then you keep on looking up and there's trees in there. Is this something people in big countries are used to? I mean I've seen my share of mountains in Scotland and they're way too cramped to fake you out like that.

You have to understand that in my town, wedged between two cliffy cliffs, the entire old town is like 500ft wide at best before more cliff. There's only 2 directions - up and towards the sea :P You don't need fancy camera tricks to contain everything... I'm getting agoraphobia just looking at this. I mean I don't think it's intended to cause existential horror but mission accomplished.

Dean getting morbid talking about how having a private cemetery would be nice. I mean, they practically need one behind the Bunker after all this time, wherever the final resting place is of at least Kevin and Charlie's bodies as well as anyone else who died in and around there who wasn't dumped in the sewer like Ketch was :')

During day this place isn't half bad, with its whimsical overgrown look, the slanting fence of the bridge to cross to get there, the jungle closing in around the little plot...

But remember, Dean. Beach holiday. Eyes on the prize, man. You and the rest don't get to hang out behind the Bunker for eternity at least until you're all old and earned it.

Dean defends knowing what a walker from the Walking Dean is... in 12x15 he was playing with a Negan bat which I assume he still has somewhere, washed off and placed in the armoury :P Sam is at least being a bit more authoritative here in the sense of reeling off info as the Chief in charge of Maggie's fate and knowing her mission etc...

Honestly this makes me feel like the dynamic of Dean drives, Sam rides shotgun can mature too, in the sense that Dean is no longer taking control from Sam - back in season 10 that was very heavily used as part of their toxic dynamic and there's definitely shades of season 10 dynamics on the chopping block around these parts - because Sam needs all the extra time to manage his army from the road, with his hands free to check the phone and read up on everything, while Dean is free to drive and be Dean.

Sam being all I FAILED SHE IS DEAD at every turn and Dean being all "hey check it out, drag marks! :D" "but no blood!!! :D :D :D"

As a student of analaysisisign things I have no idea what was just implied by Sam and Dean being called back to the surface followed by the sound effect of spooky cold breath, a wonky focus on a statue of a bearded dude and smol cherub, and then being interrupted by a 1900s gardener.

Apron plus hat seems like Michael coding but god knows what it means.

I bet they're actually talking to a ghost but he's so busy just defending the ancestral land that he's passing as a real alive person and it's one of those completely harmless cases where the ghost just lurks around protecting the land, doesn't go vengeful, and wards off people who hang out there... Not that he had much luck with the drunk teens.

1900s gardener stands outside, unable to go into the house, surveying it with a weary eye.

The garden is completely and utterly overgrown, almost like no one has gardened it for 100 years, even though there appears to be a gardener on the property.

*rubs chin*

1900s gardener gives them one last suspicious look before wandering back to work, significantly enough that we see it with a whole separate shot

what is his deal

why is he dressed like that

Does Meredith feel guilty for MURDERING JOSHUA and side note, can we really trust that it was him who got murdered. Maybe he's in retirement dressed in an olde timey shirt and waving antique gardening implements at Sam and Dean for kicks.

Considering they improv'd the line about the HPS it's very lucky that Mobby came up with that line - I guess showing how they think alike and all

"Just wish you'd checked in with the main office," Sam bobs his head, like, "ME", "before you came out here..."

Yeah, here's the Sam and AUBobby leadership conflict I was hoping for :P

Mary asks for a mo and shepherds Sam out in particular, leaving AUBobby and Dean to handle the architect digest subscriber. She's all momsy with her handling of him, and Dean and AUBobby are left to do the awkward small talk - we know AUBobby really doesn't have it as his strong suite, even though it was Bobby's, like in 6x21 where he was the only one to ever say sorry about your mom to the guy. It also means they have to do the blathering while trying to work out any supernatural history on the property in character, while Mary and Sam are designating themselves the ones who can get to the heart of the problem and handle it like the profession adults. I like the implicit trust/respect bond that gives here.

I mean she has it with Dean too I would think but she's spent more time with Sam lately and it's important now to show she's grown such a bond with Sam, as it's been 2 whole years of her being back before they could begin to properly bond due to various issues.

"It was her first solo hunt and she was nervous" listen Sam and Dean are like 1000 pounds of muscle and "fuck you apocalypse" experience and they hunt together. Maggie was smol and wore pink trousers.

Is. Is smol.

God. I'm turning into Sam.

Lol conspicuous blood transfusion bags. Nice gig, to drain peeps and get a nurse to apply the blood directly to you. Is he a vampire with an olde timey set up?

Maggiieeee

stealing her boots is just mean.

Does she have pink plaid as well as pink trousers?

My god how did they let her out of the house? She's too cute and innocent for this world.

Or her previous world.

Can we shunt her along one more world to one which doesn't have this much monster trouble even, as she's clearly still not found the AU which suits her best.

Heee Dean knocking the mantelpiece and saying the house has "good bones" like he's an expert on houses

The question is, has he watched a lot of junk reality TV about house refurbishment, or is he just faking on the fly

I have not watched enough aforementioned junk TV to call this one

Oh, nope, the daughter validates it by saying her grandpa used to say it. Dean has watched enough TV to pass

Ooooh AUBobby having a go at Sam for his shoddy leadership of letting Maggie come here when she had no idea what was up.

I'm guessing the help over text messaging may have been a bit more backseat hunting from AUBobby, but he didn't try to STOP Maggie, or tell her to wait while he and Mary dashed up here.

In any case, here's the conflict of leadership I've been waiting for since before the season began :') Unfortunately, Sam shaved off his beard before going toe to toe with AUBobby, so he takes the first round by default of bristliness, as Sam ceded some portion of control back to Dean on Dean's return and this has made him weird and jumpy about acting like the chief in front of his peeps, and now AUBobby's taking the opening.

He has such a power stance that Bobby never had

Shoulders back, beard out

Dean defends Sam like when is anyone ready to hunt, because from their perspective of course they were as smol-seeming as Maggie and CONSIDERABLY younger when they were plunged into hunting. She's a grown adult! She can handle it! (she may or may not be a mirror to Jack, who is consumptive, and therefore betraying some sort of inherent unreadiness to hunt and a requirement that the smols among you be protected rather than forced to grow up too young and go hunting as a rite of passage, just as Sam and Dean were given their first beers barely in single digits by gnarly hunters)

"A real leader would have seen that a mile away" Yeah AUBobby is too used to leading his peeps - perhaps he liked a semi retirement where Sam was the leader and the world seemed safer and they could hunt like the old days...

Mary mediates, splitting up the team in the only way that makes sense, hoping that Dean can defend Sam in absentia (and thus be forced to confront that Sam IS a good and thoughtful leader and to stop mocking him and start defending him) and she can comfort Sam and build him back up as the Chief.

Dean goes on such a face journey about this whole thing, from feeling weird about AUBobby to bad about what's going on with Sam to just worried about Maggie and very much taking on that blame for sending a smol out into the field, especially as he has recused himself from responsibility to these people - while fairly taking a mental health break from the frontline as well as competing with how Sam already got there... Anyway that was like 18 distinct facial expressions each with a story and it's too early in the morning... I JUST got my cup of tea and it's still too hot to drink so Jensen's defeated me this round

Sam gets comforted by another trenchcoated figure

"Don't listen to Bobby" "maybe he's right" shush.

"THIS IS WHAT HE WAS BORN TO DO"

ILY Mary. She's coming in fresh on adult!Sam, she doesn't even have the feelings about him as she does to smol scared 4 year old boy Dean, especially if we account for postpartum depression making it hard for her to bond with him as per the entire metaphorical structure of the show from episode one to present. Now she's getting to spend time with him - and especially as her only significant time with him BEFORE this was 12x14 aka Bobo's ode to Sam's leadership round 1... Yeah, she sees Sam as this giant gangly admirable leader guy she happens to have birthed.

"Bobby can't see that... not the only thing he's been missing lately."

Good grief, Mary in the trenchcoat has been making the eyes at AUBobby all Michael-hatted up and being ignored and rebuffed from her sparkling heart eyes. I wonder what this is a metaphor for, Ms Meredith Mixtape "know who you love" Glynn.

Also, Mary feeling comfortable to innuendo her crush on AUBobby to Sam - it really is an adult relationship and respect and emotional trust that I feel never in a million years could just pop up between her and Dean.

Oh boy, this scene is still going.

*Hides behind the secondhand embarrassment cushion* Sam goes there, like, not going to mention it but you - he sounds less bumbling than he has at other points... Sam's awkwardness factor can shoot through the roof to the point where in 3x04 where he attacks those guys and then is like "have a nice day" when they're not demons? I kinda want to reach through the screen and strangle him with my bare hands before he does it just to spare myself seeing it. Also the gifset of that has been on my dash all week, and it predisposes me to loathe Sam's awkwardness. Please god let us get through this in one piece.

Mary is too busy being wistful to realise her son is an awkward bumbling moose who is all misplaced stammering words and wonky legs spinning for traction when he's out of his depth.

Aww now Mary is getting to talk about her deal... She thought she had something good going with AUBobby but since they've been back he's been "hunting all the time and won't take a break not even for a second" - the ole bury yourself in hunting to avoid facing trauma or feelings thing. Of course AUBobby may be struggling with the weight of the world he left behind, the people who he couldn't save there and not knowing what has happened to them. There's a lot to unpack with him that hasn't been explored on screen and a lot of it is casting him as behaving in a Dean-like way, while Mary is the "I'll just wait here then" to his coping mechanisms.

"There's something on his mind, and he doesn't want to talk about it"

Aforementioned trauma, OR a pun about him being possessed by Michael

yeah I'm harping on it as a half-joke half-kinda want to have it on the record in case I'm right :P

"Bobby's not open like your dad"

Mary, you do realise how that sounds to literally everyone else, right? We KNOW you're practically from a 3rd AU aka the past where John was practically the mirror AU to his future self

Unfortunately, Mary is the only person in the room who ever has that particular story, which sucks for her

Anyway Meredith has reached some sort of characterising level with these people that I am just in pure awe of

"Not like your dad when I knew him"

"Bobby's got walls. Big ones"

I do think it's funny that Mary has essentially ended up crushing on a man who is a John-like parallel to the anti-John mirror that Bobby was, who of course had his own Karen who he was a different person with, who was a Mary mirror, and .... yeah

it's an interdimensional timetravelling wife swap

It makes Destiel look straightforward

Part of Meredith's skill here is not just accounting for every angle, but also juggling this nonsense

Anyway Mary doubting she can get through AUBobby's walls and be the person who has to do the emotional labour to get the guy she wants - if she's ready to put herself out there again

this is NOT a conversation to have with Dean in a million years. Even Sam takes a mo

"I shouldn't be talking to you about this!" she giggles and she and Sam smile and set off again, all touchy feely.

Sweet.

Anyway there's another dynamic in these woods.

"You think I was too hard on your brother back there." "He's doing his best. He's doing better than his best." Funny way to phrase it but yeah, Dean can see Sam's levelled up and his new best is this new levels of responsibility and good leadership overall.

LOL at how terse that conversation was. Dean points out that Sam could do with a hand running things, makes fun of the beard, no offence, and cut back to Sam and Mary

Sam explains Karen to Mary, to give her an idea of what might be AUBobby's backstory too.

"he never had any children?" "no"

Scuse me, that's the line that makes me BAWL every time I watch it. HE DID SO, YOU FOOL. IT WAS YOU AND YOUR UNGRATEFUL BROTHER

I am writing a letter of complaint to the management

"Whatever your Bobby" - oh dear, AUBobby is now "your" Bobby, like, they found him first but he's now Mary's :p

Sam is now full on giving Mary relationship advice about how it's worth it to move past those walls and give him a go if she really cares about him.

Has he ever had this chat with Cas, or is this just practice

"Cas, wait, I really appreciate you came to me with this but I am getting killer deja vu for a second here..."

Mary finds a disturbing firepit, Dean finds a creepy hunting cabin. This is about to be a barrel of fun

AUBobby... Don't just run off. Poke Dean and POINT AT THE THING YOU'RE FOLLOWING

... Dean, also, have some awareness in your peripheral that AUBobby just legged it

Again, way more athletic than our Bobby was

That's a human hand

Are those real IDs or hunter IDs

Oh it all came from one wallet, with the same pic on them all, so yes.

"Not one of ours" but part of the wider network/family nonetheless. His bearded look recalls Asa Fox, and there's the unspoken discussion again about sharing resources, if ALL hunters shouldn't be pulled into their network and the word spread that the Bunker is at least a resource, that Sam is there to be the hub even if they aren't all part of the centralised AU hunter squad, and Sam starts Bobbying in earnest for this world as a whole.

Of course they'd never have sent Maggie somewhere that a seasoned hunter had already disappeared.

Dean finally realises AUBobby is gone, and immediately gets jumped, with rather less warning than Maggie had.

I like how the man has had time to dress up in a suit from his sick bed, if indeed that is the case

monsters in suits

Well that's new

Well in 13x14 Meredith wrote Gog n Magog who were a fake out full of sand... Now this monster is a fake out full of ash?

Cut to: Old man still in his hospital bed, definitely not attacking people in the flesh

Oh dear, his daughter hearing something in the house while earnestly getting on with dealing with his estate makes me pretty sure she's not in on anything and she shouted them out of the house in genuine grief-stress, which I already wasn't particularly doubting.

The ole dragging chains upstairs ghost trick, which I honestly wish I could say I have never heard for myself but the ghost next door is not my problem, Victorian walls keep them contained, and honestly if you've been following the saga on random incidental comments on my blog I'm really only inclined to believe in ghosts for the humorous fake hysteria of a moment's entertainment but the odd noises next door late at night really have been going on long enough and yesterday some folk moved in so, you know, first act of a horror movie setting up mere feet away from me, the disinterested neighbour scowling at all the evil poured into the walls of that house by careless landlords and human suffering I witnessed firsthand caused by it >.> Anyway. Unlike this woman I stayed right in this spot instead of wandering around trying to work out where that noise was coming from, because I'm in the house with the wacky backstory where weed dealers sawed through the support beam in the roof and the front of my room collapsed shortly after we moved in :P

I'm sorry, but if a ghost opens a door for you ahead of you in the hall, my advice is not to immediately go up to the door and go in

SUPERVAMP IN THE ATTIC

She does an admirable duck and cover maneouver, only to realise he hasn't chased her. Huh.

Michael's super vamps are super weird.

"You're not crazy" Neil the nurse immediately straightens up and eyeballs Sam a lil harder.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

PS where is the ghostly gardener in all this because he wasn't the supervamp so

this is like a murder mystery puzzle but all the bits are so utterly wild... Dead hunter, Maggie being drained for the "stroke" victim who is also attacking people in a suit while made of ash... supervamp in the attic who won't follow her out of the room she found him in

I mean in all this has no one gone back up to the attic where a supervamp is apparently just LIVING?

He's currently just chilling there while they have this conversation

he's just, like... waiting for them????

Dean walks in mid-crisis "You hunt monsters?!" "oh good you told them" He does like when things are all quick and easy and right to the point.

Last episode he cheerfully told Dirk that hatchetman Jordan was coming for them, while Sam blustered over telling Sam even when the EMF was SCREAMING that there was a ghost right in the room with them and the display cases were freezing over.

With Mary's influence at least, Sam is happy to get into telling the full story

"Wait time out, there's a dead body on our property?"

THERE IS A SUPERVAMPIRE IN YOUR ATTIC

BIGGER PROBLEMS

Dean is entirely brushed down... Like... He must have been brushing ghost ash off of himself all the way back to the house.

Sam invokes 8x08 right after I was talking about Fred. Dangit, Glynn.

I feel like Sam is sort of making a jump here, but on the other hand the house isn't under ghostly or vampiric shutdown. The father is here, unconscious, so perhaps projecting and I guess if Sam is wondering how he could be doing it, then astral projections may make sense to some degree... Working out how it all ties together is going to be another huge step though. I know the sell for this episode was partially nightmares and dreams, and we have Maggie in a djinn-like trap and the old man both a sleeping Bobby from 3x10 and also a possible Fred Jones projecting it... The supervamps are something that Dean would have brought here, and "walkers" from the Walking Dead is something the boys could have brought. Which means the other hunter could have been murdered by his own trauma... idk. Why am I trying to piece it together now?

watch the episode, lizzy

LOL the daughter just reeling off her dad's "workaholic with textbook narcissistic tendencies" while also herself clearly being the offspring of such a person (is the manifestation of her dad her own trauma?) and hey no doubt that description of the father might come to bear on some of the father/power figures in the episode. Definitely not what Sam is though he's among the mix - perhaps a dark warning of a guy who works himself to death like this and becomes entirely self-absorbed in the process, but Sam just took a minute to advise his mom's love life so he's hanging in there with his sense of self for now. In the sense that a dark arc doesn't seem to be looming for him in such a way as red flags literally followed pre-Mark Dean around.

Okay took a LOT of me yelling at the screen but they FINALLY realised there's an unresolved vampire in the attic situation and Sam's going up to check

Meanwhile Mary has been separated out in this cursed property to have her own side-adventure with AUBobby

Lol the daughter downs some anti-anxiety medication with whisky while Dean sits behind her tuning his knife in a rather grim melody. What a scene.

He also has his foot on an armchair like the total troll he was raised as

She goes off on one and Dean immediately likes her

"Thanks dad" "no love lost between you two, huh?"

T stands for terrible father

"I get it" "not here for a heart to heart" *pause* *launches into a John Winchester Metaphor Of The Hour rant

"But my MOM" *Dean looks up, eyes all vulnerable* "Depression runs in our family" oh booooy

So she found her mom and Dean saw his mom consumed by fire in a way that is still scarring him TO THIS DAY (re: 13x01 nightmare) and this is our first Mary parallel of even a dead mom but one with a personality, and her own problems... Not the temporary insanity of drowning her children like Constance Welch in 1x01, but a woman who had depression and a husband who wasn't there for her... In 14x01 Mary and Sam's discussion revealed how much she was doggy paddling on the surface of all the awful that's happened to her, but this is our real notable parallel to discuss a family history of depression running through Mary's side of the family, which goes not just for Dean (who, like, really has anxiety himself) but also all of Mary's issues, including in 12x21, begging Ketch to kill her at a lowest point before they got her to entirely retreat into herself.

Glynn still out for Dean's blood: "the most ridiculous thing is... I worshipped him when I was a kid" Dean is feeling like she took that machete and shoved it in his stomach, as she sits there swigging whiskey and telling him how he feels. "Didn't know any better. He's the only family I have left."

"Can I give you a little advice?......... let it go." Oh Dean :')

Emerging from his cocoon, still mostly trapped in there but I think that's a bit of a wing poking through.

"The past is -" *forcefully stops himself from saying "in the past"*

He talks about it as baggage and how every single day he tries to let it go and leave the baggage behind. God he's strong and amazing and working so hard to be the best version of himself.

Oh my god who builds the hall up to the attic as part of the crawlspace? This is horrifying on an unnecessary level and I'm writing into that architecture magazine to complain

This is the creepiest attic. Who KEEPS these horrifying mementos. Give them to a thrift shop for a hipster to buff up and turn into a conversation piece in their living room.

Okay, blood bags and a girl in chains (explains the clinking) are a bit weirder than average.

"Sam... it's here" "What?" "It's heeeere" Sam how long have you BEEN in this business?

File this under your panicky first aid to Stuart last episode

Sam got ashed just like Dean did. Hm.

It also looked like one of the crazed hunger vamps from apocalypse world more than one of michael's supervamps maybe? It's really hard to keep track of all these :P

Oh my god AUBobby has a son, who was murdered by angels. This is terrible D:

Something about the immediate moment of him wandering in... When Bobby went off earlier I was thinking of 7x11 where he saw his younger self. This approach seems almost more like 6x04 and Crowley seeing Gavin for the first time.

Anyway this is of course another way to twist AUBobby around on himself - he managed to get a son, maybe Karen wasn't murdered by a demon, maybe he had a different wife. Whatever it is, it gives us a version of Bobby totally different from ours and also in how he will relate to Sam and Dean - not as the sons he never had, but if he's thinking of young men in the fight...

Oh no AUBobby just got stabbed... Er... is this a nightmare or is he just dead?

Is AUBobby really going to -

That's more impressive than breaking a crypt scene mental wall to save your loved one. Then again, original flavour Bobby once stabbed himself in the gut to save Dean so I guess he takes a lot of pain for his loved ones, and honestly gathering the strength to pull a knife out... Maaaybe nicer than putting it in???

The fact this is all going down with angel blades as well.

I swear to god... Meredith, don't make me watch AUBobby stab a vision of his own son to complete the loop with our Bobby stabbing Karen.

"I'm sorry"

*WhOMph grey ash everywhere*

Kinda takes the pure angst out of it at least :P

Dean gets a better look. "You're giving him a transfusion?"

Yeah, there's some fuckery at work here, sir. The nurse seems a lot less flustered answering this one which is almost as suspicious as someone who has been non-flustered suddenly getting flustered

Dean regrets saying "make me a sandwich before he is done asking. Which is the only reason I forgive that request :P Remember in 1x06 where he was bossing Sam's friend around to get them a beer and a sandwich so they could talk in peace about shifters? God. She KNOWS about monsters it's just that he wants to ask a sensitive question here.

Or punch the nurse in the face over the comatose form of her father.

A nod to her that it's a ruse gets her in on it, though. Female!Dean who is a different mirror than Dirk (though still messed up by a father) gets on his wavelength.

AAH He remembered the djinn thing!!! Dean's memory is so good and I love him and he's the best and also Meredith is riffing off 2x20 which is actually illegal, I literally have that written down here in the rules and regulations. Although it does give me my opportunity to remind us all of Dean's long speech about why does he have to be the one to save all these people to John's grave when he was thinking he had to go unwish stuff.

Sadly he didn't show up with a knife tipped in lamb's blood so let's see how this goes.

Oh my god the djinn's literally thought Dean was Michael the whole time. I have to rewatch now >.>

Well, not now, but.

He thought Michael was testing him, and would be back to give him an upgrade, and now he's waxing poetic about the untapped potential of djinn. We're back at season 6, with the hunter compound vs a monster army, except this time the monsters aren't a reaction to the nonsense of angels, they're the direct work of the angel stepping into the place of Eve as the experimenter, his grace vs her black goo. I suppose the weirdness out here is the djinn flexing its muscles with projecting hallucinations.

And I guess that means it hasn't affected Dean except the generic ghost of Mr Comatose over there (apologies to Cas) which I'd assume is part of the generic set up for killing hunters as it was what got Maggie too.

The question is, is that Maggie in the attic, or a nightmare for Sam. Wouldn't she be djinned too?

"Because of him - because of YOU - I can bring those nightmares into the world" well that's a weighted line >.> Dean's guilt for saying yes, for these things done with his face. Literally bringing nightmares into the world.

Which does at least confirm that the nightmares so far have been external and we're not IN a dream which has been worrying me.

On the other hand that means AUBobby really did get stabbed that badly.

"I highly doubt you have a knife dipped in lamb's blood" I TOLD him.

you can't just kneecap the djinn

"I am curious, what are YOUR nightmares"

Literally pausing it because Meredith is absolutely horrible and I hate her and she keeps being mean to my boy Dean and I can't handle this and I don't want to know

(I am curious. What ARE his nightmares?)

Er excuse me did he just prod his way into finding Michael still in there

Because the other option is that Dean's mind is so utterly scared and scary with all he's been through he literally just out-nightmared a nightmare machine by force of personality.

"You don't know my family"

Keep the one liners coming

I'm easily placated by them

Cut to: the next morning. He offers his double a chance to get her apology from her father, and books it.

Nyoooom back along a CONSIDERABLY less horrifying shot of the same sort of landscape

Maggie's back! Everyone loves Maggie. She is the adorable mascot of these people.

Keep the cute pink bunny back at home maybe

Dean gives Sam some affirmation about being the leader of his people.

Now Sam needs to not fold immediately the next time he sees Dean seeing him do something leadery. Deal?

Mobby H/C

You know he's vulnerable not because he has his shirt off, but because he has his hat off.

These "angel wars" in the AU sound pretty formal.

You know, it would probably be PRETTY HARD to get the average American to fight a war against angels until it's way way waaay too late.

I mean, case in point: we call where they come from, "apocalypse world"

"Hunting" "it ends the same." "No." Mary F Winchester puts her foot down. No it ends bloody speeches on her watch! All she has is her optimism but damned if she won't use it!

"I don't know any other way to live" "Then we'll find one"

You are doing a good job and you can save all these dumb guys from themselves.

DEAN TALKED TO MAGGIE. HE'S HELPING. HE WENT AND LEADERED HER FOR SAM.

Now have a beer, bro

"She learned from the best, huh? :)"

":)"

Awww Mary comes up with AUBobby and they're taking a vacation. Let AUBobby go fishing or something. Good lil Cas parallel Mary fixing her broken warrior with a Donna cabin adventure.

...

Do you not worry a lil about what is out there? Donna comes prepared with a flamethrower.

""relaxing"" """vacation"""

Anyway best reason ever given on the entire show for a set of characters not to be in the next couple of episodes, second to "Cas is taking his son out to teach him to hunt some more"

Bobby has a clean new formal black mourning cap to deal with fresh memories of Daniel

Sam getting the leadership baton from a representative of Bobby who he may see more as Bobby than perhaps he ought. AUBobby says he's not sure he ever had it in him to be a leader, while our Bobby was the undisputed best at what he did and as much as he may have complained, his competency is what Sam is now emulating.

Mary being "allowed" to go by Dean. "if you need anything... ANYTHING..." *grabs his shoulder and shakes him* You're starting to turn into the mom in a movie who leaves the kids behind and without supervision they throw a wild party to rebel against you stifling them. SO not the dynamic, but that's the licking a thumb and pressing down a stray bit of hair type momming she's doing all of a sudden.

"Go. Be happy." :')

HUGS FOR THE BOY. That's 2 whole onscreen dean hugs this season.

Aww Dean talking to Garth :')

Sam and Dean in synchronicity, talking to ALL their hunter network, not just Jody plus the AU peeps

Though. Sam has implemented a buddy system.

Dorky camp counsellor that he is.

Dean should get him a ceremonial whistle for Christmas.

"Move on from what I - from what we - from what he did"... Dean. Buddy.

Go lie down.

That's some of the most intense blurring of self ever, between Dean's guilt, whatever made the djinn scream in horror to delve his head, and his symbolic blending with Michael as the Michaelsword...

"Starting to feel like myself again... almost..." shakes his head and starts heading out to go watch more movies, sad that halloween is passed so no more slashers on every channel

"We'll work harder" "how, you sleep 3 hours at night" "then I'll sleep 2" *Dean gives him the NO look*

Well there's a great representation of how their issues mess themselves up and they carve away their sense of self and their health for each other.

Seriously. What did the djinn SEE. What nightmares are in my boy's head? Oh god I'm stressed.

What happened to the 1900s groundskeeper, Don?

#14x05 #season 14 spoilers #my stuff

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pitiless-achilles-wept · 5 years

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That Girl is Poison: I'm a Cancer Patient at Last

Hi all, I've been pretty absent on the updates front because, well, there hasn't been very much to update you on until now. The headline is that yesterday I had my first chemotherapy session so I can finally, finally begin to kill off these cancer cells!! The treatment ended up being IV chemo with a different agent than the one initially prescribed (which was capecitabine): paclitaxel. It has a different menu of side effects and, I'm sorry to report, I will no longer be set up to lose my fingerprints and begin a life of crime. (Although maybe that's JUST what I would say if I were about to embark on a life of crime?) It's more time-intensive, since I'll be going for half a day at the hospital every week for 3 weeks (and then one week of to let toxicity reduce). I had it today and so far haven't had any adverse reactions except fatigue, headache, and dry mouth. So...kind of like a hangover? This is an agent that builds up, though, so this week days 3 and 4 (Thursday and Friday) are likely to be worse. The later weeks are too, which makes sense from a cumulative drug. Why the change? Well, once I learned that my PDL1 negativity excluded me from the clinical trial I needed to get set up with an oncologist here in Princeton. My Boston doctor, who I liked so much, will still be supervising big-picture treatment plans, but all the treatment and assessment will be under the care of my person here. The two of them disagreed about which agent to start me on--the rationale for the first being that it was minimally invasive, the rationale for the second being that it's the standard treatment and would make me eligible for more future clinical trials. You can see why we made our conclusion! It's more than a little frustrating if I think too hard about the fact that today, nearly 9 weeks after my diagnosis, I ended up doing exactly what they would first have suggested exactly where I would have started it. But the confidence in it as the right choice and the kind of informed decisions I was able to make because of the hard work we all did are worth that they call "peace of mind." It let me do a couple other things, too, including occupy a liminal space between being diagnosed with cancer and being a "cancer patient." To me the second term was a label implying something much more active--someone had stuck me with a needle, given me a pill, sent my cancer cells running for cover from a destructive agent--while with the former I was "just" running around to different hospitals and imaging centers, including ones in New York and Boston, changing into hospital gowns, drinking contrast liquids, being stuck full of IVs, and run through tubes for various amounts of time. Now, why I thought that was "easier" or "didn't count" as "treatment" is interesting, and probably something I'll return to, but I can promise you that it had to do with the kind of irrevocable change that it I felt it would make the be treated for cancer instead of simply finding out facts about it. The latter was an investigation, a fact-finding mission like any good general would perform before a plan of attack. The first made me a strategist about my own body. The second made it subsume me. (Or, that's what I worry will happen.) When I teach Milton's Paradise Lost (secretly my favorite classroom text even though I'm a Shakespearean) I talk about the differences in the poem that are fundamental, unbridgeable, and sometimes even inexplicable to the characters. Mostly notably, differences between fallen and unfallen (most beautifully and movingly in the scene where Eve has fallen but Adam hasn't) and the difference between Creator and created (which is one of the reasons God isn't a sympathetic character...how could you sympathize when you're so different?). The difference, to me, between "cancer patient" and "normal person with diagnosis" was one of these. And now I've crossed it. And although it's frightening, as will be every step where I display a new signal of my status to the world (hair loss, fatigue, not being able to be in crowded spaces), it is also a relief. I can say it and I can beit. So here I am, in the world, proudly being a cancer patient, trying to show myself (including my face) on social media just as unhealthily often as I did in "normal" life. Because I don't actually want the divide between "normal"and "cancer patient" to be as stark as it felt it was or as stark as those lines in Paradise Lost. This is going to be the hardest thing I have EVER done--harder than getting a PhD, harder than getting divorced, harder than finding an academic job--but is also the most crucial and therefore the biggest part of who I am....for a while. But it will neither always be the most salient fact about me nor ever be the extent of who I am. And I don't want any of us to forget that. Of course I envy people who do not have to be cancer patients. No one would willingly choose this. I feel worried and protective of them too, though, because they might not know that the world can come out of nowhere and throw them for a loop; that very bad things can happen for no reason. And so I want to talk to them about it anyway, not to tell them how lucky they are but so that I let them in close to this, the most important fact about me right now. I am chosen. But I am not alone. Now: if any of you thought that was a setup for me to talk about how I'm about to rewatch Buffy and you should all join me...all I can say yes, yes, you're absolutely right. It's a show that has already helped me through the hardest of times on more than one occasion. It has to do with self-definition and self-assertion; with struggling with unfair burdens but finding support and solace in friendships; with trying to live a "normal" life with a daily fight for your life (and the continued existence of the world, which luckily I don't have to take charge of) in the background. It's perfect for me right now and if you'd like to explore and read about it with me I'll be sharing details soon about the logistics. For tonight, though, take a sec to mark this transition with me. I'm a cancer patient. And, as this initial dose works its way through my body, we can say that that girl is poison. And cancer cells had better watch out.

#my life as a cancer patient #my face #how do I selfie?#bex writes #prof me #paradise lost #john milton #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #cross posted

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icyradio · 5 years

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⋮ ❄ ї𝐜𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐨: THIS WEEKS HOT GOSSIP

Ex- NFL player Cierre Wood forced “chunky” five-year-old to exercise as punishment before death says, police.

It’s some truly cruel people out here #Neighbors. Former NFL running back Cierre Wood was recently charged in the murder of his girlfriend’s 5-year-old daughter, and y’ all won’t believe what this man did that lead up to her death. According to Fox News, Cierre believed the child, La’Rayah Taylor, was too "chunky" and directed her to do sprints, sit-ups, and squats as punishment before she passed away, police said. The child’s mother, Amy Taylor, 25, was also hit with murder and child abuse charges after La’Rayah was pronounced dead at the hospital. This story is extremely heartbreaking. The young girl died “with extensive internal injuries, including a lacerated liver, broken ribs and severe injuries from her forehead to her thighs.”

Cierre told police that he made the girl do vigorous workouts, from running sprints to the apartment to doing sit-ups and walk squats, according to the arrest affidavit. He said he was “trying to get her on the right path due to her being chunky.” La'Rayah died while working out. She “fell backward while doing sit-ups and hit her head on the carpeted floor.” Cierre ended up performing chest compressions until the paramedics arrived on the scene. La'Rayah‘s Mom was at the store when this unfortunate situation happened.

What’s sick about this is that the mom told police that she sat on her “daughter’s chest as a punishment about a week before her death. She said her daughter had complained of chest pains and stopped eating full meals in the days before her death.” These people are just pure sick! Both Cierre and Amy are being held without bond. They’re expected to appear in court on May 21.

WENDY WILLIAMS REPORTEDLY GIFTED KEVIN HUNTER WITH DIVORCE PAPERS WRAPPED IN A BOW.

get a load of this! Wendy Williams finally served Kevin Hunter with divorce papers on Thursday, and might we say, she did it with a bang! According to #LoveBScott, Wendy served Kevin by disguising the divorce papers as a present completely wrapped with big bows. “When Kevin excitedly opened the box, thinking it was a gift of some sort, the process server uttered those famous words, ‘you have been served.’”

Allegedly, Kevin is now persona non-grata at ‘The Wendy Williams Show.’ It is said that all passcodes have been changed, and his access to the building has been revoked as well. Wendy even took it a step further by instructing the staff to not let him anywhere near her.

SOULJA BOY ARRESTED FOR VIOLATING HIS PROBATION

SouljaBoy is currently behind bars after a judge ruled that he violated his probation in several ways. One of these violations includes having ammunition in his house.

His hearing was scheduled for today in L.A, but he ended up in custody instead. According to the judge, the rapper failed to do his court-ordered community service, and even attempted to provide fake evidence that claimed he completed it.

The bigger issue was the ammunition found during the search of his San Fernando Valley home in February. This is a violation of Soulja's probation for a weapons case that dates back to 2014. According to #TMZ, He'll remain in custody until a hearing scheduled for April 30.

DREA KELLY, R.KELLY EX-WIFE, SAYS HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WORK.

a representative for Drea Kelly, R. Kelly’s ex-wife of Over 10 years, told TMZ that although she doesn’t think R. Kelly is innocent, she believes he should still be able to work as they still have kids to take care of. Following R. Kelly’s club appearance in Springfield, Illinois this weekend, R. Kelly brought in $22,000 while only being at the venue for less than a hour. R. Kelly’s appearance sparked much debate as to whether or not he should be able to be booked at the time. Drea believes R. Kelly should be able to work and “no one can be mad at him for that." R. Kelly was recently arrested for not paying child support, which he owes monthly to Drea in the amount of $21,000. R. Kelly spoke about his child support issues with Drea during his infamous Gayle King interview where he said he couldn’t pay Drea due to the fact that she has spoken negatively about him to media and helped to stop his bag. Today, Drea is appearing to be more supportive of R. Kelly.

Mary J. Blige, H.E.R., Summer Walker & Queen Naija Added to 2019 BET Experience Lineup: Exclusive

The 7th annual BET Experience will be loaded with girl power. Billboard learned on Thursday that BET will be expanding their Ladies (U)nite lineup slated to kick off the Experience June 20. The talented ensemble of Mary J. Blige, H.E.R., Summer Walker, Queen Naija, and Bri Steves will each be hitting the L.A. Live stage. BET also previously announced that Cardi B, Migos, Lil Yachty, Lil Baby, City Girls and Trippie Redd will be closing down the festival's Staples Center concert series on Saturday night (June 22) in an all-Quality Control affair. The third wave of performers penciled in for Friday (June 21) will be revealed at a later date.

Nicki Minaj was also tabbed as a headliner but would pull out of the BET Experience following a since-deleted tweet seemingly shading her after Cardi's historic win at the Grammy Awards earlier this year. Tickets for the BET Experience are still available over at the AXS website. Packages range from single day general admission to VIP passes that will have you covered for everything going on the entire weekend. This all leads into the BET Awards, taking place Sunday (June 23).

Speaking of Queen Naija This sounds like something that should be on Love and Hip-Hop. The only thing I can say is whatever you are seeing on social media likely isn’t real so you shouldn’t have these people as GOALS or assume you know anything that is going on in their life.

Let me break this all down for you all. YouTube Family Fraud: Queen Naija Blasts Sister For Stealing Clarence’s Credit Card…But Was It A Taste Of Clarence’s Own Medicine? Clarence White, Queen’s baby daddy, accused Queen’s teenage sister Tina of stealing his credit card to buy an outfit. After some investigation, it wasn’t hard for fans to figure out it was Tina.

Tina took to her IG story to say the reasoning behind her using his card was, “I swiped for it to show you that you’re not about to disrespect my mama at the hospital and get all in her face like you’re about to fight her bro. Period. You still gotta a** whoopin comin… I ain’t never had to steal. I did that to show you somethin.” It’s clear that Queen wasn’t here for her sister’s apology. In a subtweet, she suggests Tina is lying, once she subtweeted this: You cannot apologize and lie in the same mf sentence. Clarence continued to weigh in, blasting Tina for allegedly stealing money from Queen to order $600 in pizza previously. SMH.

TELL ME WHAT YOU ALL THINK OF THIS WEEKS HOT GOSSIP.

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jamsque · 5 years

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Bitterness in the Age of Fighting

I was excited when the first episode of Fighting in the Age of Loneliness appeared in my youtube feed last Monday, I’m willing to watch anything Jon Bois puts his name on right now. Most of his content is centered around American football and basketball and baseball, which is great, those are all sports I have watched at least semi-regularly at some point in my life, but for the past few years I’ve followed Mixed Martial Arts more closely than any of them. Felix Biederman, the writer and narrator of the show, was a new name to me: I know Chapo Trap House by reputation but the most I have ever heard of it is a few clips out of context.

That first episode did some strong establishing work to set the tone and context for the series, and then got to work telling the fascinating story of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and the Gracie family. It’s a story I know decently well, I think Felix did a good job of picking out the interesting characters and especially the moments of class struggle, and of course his words are backed up by the datawave audiovisual stylings of Jon Bois that we have come to know and love. The political ideas were more familiar and less interesting to me than the bits about fighting but I was curious to see how the show was going to try to draw connections and parallels between the rise of MMA as a spectator sport and the socio-political environment in which that rise took place.

I was engaged and I watched each episode as it came out through the week and by the end of episode four on Thursday I was starting to turn a little on the series. In this era of Youtubers with healthy Patreon support and good microphones I’ve gotten used to clear, smoothly edited, well recorded voice work and for me Felix’s narration falls short there, especially for a project with a major media company behind it. More than that, though, I was no longer on board with where the show seemed to be going, and I was worried that it would end on a sour note. I found myself agreeing with Felix’s political commentary but disagreeing more and more with his thoughts on MMA and the way he was choosing to frame the history of the sport.

The final installment disappointed me more than I had feared it might, enough to motivate me to make some kind of response to or critical reading of the whole series. Re-watching it with that in mind I (unsurprisingly) found more things I disliked. Fighting in the Age of Loneliness does an excellent job of telling the story of the ancestry, birth, rise, fall, second rise and anticipated second fall of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, but along the way it makes some pretty big missteps and takes some positions that I strongly disagree with. I’m not going to break down each episode individually but I do want to lay out the issues I have with the series and in particular dig in to the problems with the last episode. Towards the end I think I might even call Felix Biederman a fascist.

First, I want to provide some context for my own thoughts about MMA, and make some inferences and assumptions about Felix’s history with the sport that I think go some way to explaining why we see it quite so differently.

I am absolutely not a long-time hardcore Mixed Martial Arts fan, until relatively recently I didn’t have any interest in combat sports at all. Growing up in the UK around the turn of the millenium I was aware of boxing but only from a distance, it was already well on its way to fading from the forefront of the popular sporting consciousness, and my pacifist socialist middle-class parents certainly weren’t watching Mike Tyson fights. The first contact I had with what I would later know as MMA was a grainy video I remember watching on some pre-YouTube video sharing site as a teenager: a highlight montage of a man wearing black, red and white shorts kicking various different people in the head in various different boxing rings, with the same concussive effect each time.

I became more aware of the modern sport of MMA when I started noticing the UFC in mainstream sports media headlines around 2014. Three names kept appearing in those headlines: Jon Jones, for running into things with cars, Conor McGregor, for running his mouth, but most of all Ronda Rousey, for running through every challenger the UFC put in front of her. I suspect that there are a lot of newer MMA fans who, like me, were swept up in the hype surrounding Rousey and McGregor during that time, and stuck with the sport after they finally broke their respective winning streaks and came back down to earth.

Three years later even though I watch MMA most weekends and even though I have become almost as fascinated as Felix Biederman seems to be with the history of the UFC, the people who have fought in it, and the things that they have done to each other, I still consider myself a ‘casual’ fan. This is at least partly because when I think of ‘real’ or ‘hardcore’ MMA fans, I think of people like Felix, who have been around the sport for a lot longer and are, at best, skeptical about the results of its most recent jump in popularity.

Felix doesn’t explicitly talk about the genesis of his interest in the sport but there are hints in the text. The general tone of the piece goes from being detached and historical in the first episode to personal and emotional in the last, which I think is both a deliberate choice on Felix’s part and a reflection of his own experience. The third episode, when his narrative reaches the mid-2000s, is when I think it transitions from learned history to memory, and it’s around here that Felix starts making frequent references to goings on in MMA fan culture. If I’m correct then Felix Biederman has been following MMA for at least a decade longer than I have really known what it was. He has had the time to become emotionally invested in fighters and even the UFC as an organisation in ways that I am not, and of course his initial views on the sport were formed a relatively long time ago. MMA fights in 2018 don’t look all that different than they did in 2005 but the UFC has certainly changed a lot in that time, as have public awareness of and attitudes towards a new generation of combat sports stars.

That decade and a half of change in the UFC is the real focus of Fighting in the Age of Loneliness, but it presents itself as something much broader. The first episode is titled ‘The Invention of Fighting for Money’ and in it Felix makes a lot of sweeping statements about the past that don’t hold water. He very much tells the winner’s version of history, the narrative favoured by the UFC and the Gracie family, who would have you believe that they invented not only the modern sport of MMA but somehow the very idea of fighting itself. Felix remarks on the marketing and promotional skills of Rorion Gracie in the second episode without seeming to realise quite the degree to which he has himself fallen prey to them, and he also comes across as having the slightly fetishistic attitude towards East Asian martial arts that has become common in the USA over the past half century or so.

As he transitions out of the prologue, Felix says “the true catalyst for MMA as a sport, business and spectacle go back to Japan”, and when he goes on to describe the spread of Jujutsu from Japan to Brazil he says “after hundreds of years, Martial Arts had finally broken containment.” At the end of the series he proclaims that the “fourth era of fighting itself” is currently beginning and that the previous two ‘eras’ only lasted a handful of years each.

These generalisations don’t stand up to even the lightest scrutiny. The history of Martial Arts or combat sports or fighting or whatever term you care to use goes back much farther than feudal Japan, and some of the other things Felix says imply that he is at least partially aware of this. As he is giving his starry-eyed take on the life of Judo’s inventor he says “As long as there are people, they will at some point want the ability to keep someone from kicking their ass, no matter how unlikely it is that they will ever get into a fight.” It strikes me as particularly American that his argument in favor of combat sports being inherent to human society is based on the concept of self-defence. I prefer a line of reasoning that is similar but based on competition: As long as there are people, they will at some point want to test their wits and skill and strength against each other.

Indeed, the story as we know it of unarmed combat sports is as old as recorded history: there are images of wrestling in four thousand year old Egyptian tombs, and the classical Greek Olympics included an event called Pankration, which could be roughly translated as ‘fighting with all of your power’, that had an almost identical ruleset to early Ultimate Fighting Championship events.

Felix oversimplifies the history of fighting as a whole, but even if we just look at what he says about Mixed Martial Arts he gets it wrong. In episode one he says “The entire sport of Mixed Martial Arts owes its existence to Mitsuyo Maeda” and then in episode two he alleges that “A world where proto-MMA existed outside of gymnasiums in Brazil seemed pretty unlikely in 1976.” A corollary of my earlier statement might be that as long as there are people testing their wits and skill and strength against each other, there will be other people who think they can do it better. People have been pitting different schools of fighting against each other and amalgamating them long before the Gracie clan existed.

A decade before the date when Felix claims that mixed martial arts were confined to Brazil, Bruce Lee was blending Wing Chun with other styles to formulate Jeet Kune Do. A decade before that a Japanese Karateka was devising a ruleset which would eventually become Kickboxing to facilitate competitions between karate and Muay Thai. In the 40s the Kajukenbo school was founded in Hawaii with the goal of rigorously testing multiple fighting styles against each other to determine which elements of each were the most effective. In the 30s a Czechoslovakian Jew was refining the boxing and wrestling he had been taught in gyms into Krav Maga in brawls against anti-semitic thugs.

In Victorian London the Bartitsu school taught gentlemen a blend of five different fighting styles from around the world, while in the music halls exhibition matches pitted boxing against Savate. Savate was itself developed over the preceding century by efforts to find a middle ground between the heavy-booted street fighting style spreading from French ports and the Queensbury rules boxing that was popular in England.

Even the legend of the birth of Muay Thai, a fighting style which has had arguably as much influence on the modern sport of MMA as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, is a story about mixed martial arts: when the Konbaung Dynasty of Burma captured a famous fighter during their battles with Siam in 1767, they offered him the chance to win his freedom if he could demonstrate the superiority of his Siamese boxing style against the Burmese school, which he promptly did by knocking out ten Burmese opponents.

Felix contradicts himself on this topic in the first episode when he describes Jigoro Kano studying western wrestling and sumo to augment his Jujutsu training and develop Judo. In the second episode when he says “In 1993 no one knew anything, and most people still thought that if you did karate the right way you could blow up somebody’s heart” he is obviously being facetious but he is also projecting his own ignorance outwards. There has always been fighting, all over the world, and there have always been evolving schools of thought about the best ways to fight and the best rules for fighting as a sport. The story of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and the Ultimate Fighting Championship is captivating but it is not, as Felix presents it, the only story about fighting. In this regard, as with others, he seems to have internalized the some of mystique that the UFC has cultivated around itself and its history.

Once the history lesson is over I think Fighting in the Age of Loneliness hits its stride and Felix’s passion for the Pride FC and UFC fights and fighters that drew him into the sport shines through in the writing and the narration. His criticisms of the ways that the UFC continues to underpay and otherwise mistreat its fighters are spot on and if anything he could have gone into its anti-union policies in more depth. Before I get to the final episode, there are a few smaller criticisms I want to get out of the way.

Firstly, I would like to have seen more about modern women’s Mixed Martial Arts in the show. I largely chalk this up to the difference in perspective on the sport between Felix and myself: a female fighter was what drew me to watch the UFC in the first place so my image of the sport is one that has always included women, whereas Felix got his start watching Pride, which had no female fighters, and an all-male era of the UFC. There were women competing in MMA at that time and a few exclusively female promotions but if Felix ever watched any of them he doesn’t mention it. In the end, Ronda Rousey gets a minute and a half, Joanna Jędrzejczyk gets about 30 seconds and Cristiane Justino gets a name check.

Rousey is the only female fighter to be mentioned outside of the quarantined WMMA portion of the show, and she comes up during a rather odd accusation of nepotism that Felix levels at Dana White, one which I have heard from other longer-standing UFC fans. I am no supporter of Dana’s and I’m not seeking to defend his character, but it seems far more likely to me that the reason the UFC put so many promotional resources behind Ronda Rousey and Conor McGregor is not, as Felix supposes, simply because Dana White personally liked those two fighters, but rather because he saw the opportunity to make a lot of money off of them, which he did. Dana is a fight promoter, he is notoriously fickle in his affections and the warmness he displays towards any given fighter is directly correlated to their ability to drive pay-per-view buys for his promotion.

I also think that there are some more straightforward explanations for the UFC’s success than the poetic ones that Felix understandably focuses on. The ideas of the UFC as a refuge for outcasts and the alienated, both as fighters and as fans, and the honesty of single combat in an age of uncertainty are clearly very thematically important to Fighting in the Age of Loneliness as a project. For me the series places too much importance on the role those things played in the current popularity of the sport and doesn’t put enough emphasis on, or even mention at all, some more mundane but more significant contributing factors.

The vacuum at the top of combat sports that was created when boxing all but collapsed under the accumulated weight of decades of corruption and promotional malpractice, and the brief but significant success that the WWE had with a grittier presentation of professional wrestling in the late 90s both set the stage for the rise of modern MMA in the USA. That rise was helped along by things like the value of the walk-off head kick knockout and the fourteen second armbar victory in the age of the highlight clip and the animated GIF, and the mix of astuteness and good fortune that led the UFC to put out a reality TV show featuring actual physical conflict at a time when programming was being dominated by reality shows based on exaggerating and continually re-hashing interpersonal squabbles.

At the end of episode four, titled “As the world fell apart, the only magic was in the cage”, Felix’s rhetoric about the things that happen during UFC fights reaches its most florid, mythological heights. Against a montage of post-fight embrace photographs he says “The magic that we wish we saw everywhere else was in the cage [...] At least there was one place where unthinkable things actually happened, at least if you put two weird people with incredible abilities in front of each other their combined experiences and opposing martial abilities would create a beautiful, maddening story.” I am not criticising Felix for being more captivated by the emotion and passion of fighting than I am but the praise and reverence which he lavishes upon his favourite period of the sport’s recent history at the end of the fourth episode clashes brutally with the way he starts the fifth.

“No-one is ever content to just like something, especially not nowadays”, he says. “We’re not just fans of things any more. We declare our media consumption habits to determine the types of people we are [...] now if someone doesn’t like something we like they hate us” These lines and the visuals that accompany them are presented as a barb aimed at the legions of TV personality and pop star fans bitterly defending their territory on social media. Although there is a hint of self-deprecation about this segment I don’t read much self-awareness here, mostly just old fashioned middle-class punching down at the popular culture of the working class.

In the way he frames what he views as the best period of the UFC’s history, Felix is himself engaging in, as he puts it, “battles that our millionaire entertainers will probably never give a shit about or even find out about”. He has taken to the field of the culture war to defend his memory of a past version of a massive, sinister entertainment company against the changes that he perceives to be ruining it.

Here is where the bitterness begins to creep in, and build. Felix starts talking about the insecurity of modern MMA fans and the sport’s image problem, but then he abruptly dispenses with those concerns and starts arguing that MMA should remain insular and niche. A this point he also waves a huge screaming red flag by describing Jon Jones as a “weird person” who is “actually pretty fascinating once you get to know him” and who has “more depth than most would know”, but we’ll get to that later.

“Who gives a shit if we don’t have hundreds of millions of people watching with us every time, and why do we care if people think we’re fucked up or weird for watching it. We know what our sport is, and we know who we are [...] It’s our stupid violent insane spectacle sport for freaks and assholes that’s as legitimate or illegitimate as any other sport in the world. Well, at least it was ours at some point.”

I recognised this argument the moment I heard it. It sounds almost word for word like an insecure gamer defending video games as an art form and as a hobby that is just for real nerds and not the masses. I know that argument very well because I have been that insecure gamer in the past. In complaining that MMA is not “ours” anymore he has jumped from “if someone doesn’t likes something we like they hate us” to “if someone likes something we like for the wrong reasons they hate us”.

This is the tone that Felix adopts for the entire final episode, and he proceeds to decry three recent changes he thinks the UFC has made in an effort to bring the sport into the mainstream, changes that he declares as already being “to the detriment of the viewers, the fighters, and ultimately, [the UFC] themselves”.

The first is the Fox TV deal, of which his criticism is that it has led to too many fights and therefore too many fighters, but he doesn’t present any reasons why more fights has been a bad thing. He talks about how poorly the UFC compensates its rank-and-file fighters, which is a great argument for better fighter pay, but is not an argument for fewer paid fighters or fewer fight cards.

The second is the UFC’s apparel deal with Reebok, which he accurately assesses as a disaster for their fighters.

The third is drug testing, and for me this is where Fighting in the Age of Loneliness goes completely off the rails. The first thing he says in this segment is probably the only part of it I agree with: “the vast majority of your favourite athletes use steroids.”

Felix is right that the UFC asked the US Anti-Doping Agency to start testing its fighters more to provide an image of legitimacy than because they actually care about fair competition, but his main problem with the policy is that performance enhancing drugs are in fact cool and good. Earlier in the series he celebrates the way that Pride FC’s “loose medical oversight” and “pro-steroid policy” allowed its fighters to “consistently break laws of god and man,” now he gleefully exclaims that “Steroids are actually kind of amazing.”

“The human body is absolutely not designed to fight for 15 to 25 minutes, but steroids help make it work”. Felix provides no justification whatsoever for this claim, and it’s a ridiculous one that springs from the same myopic view of the history of combat sports that he expresses in the early episodes. To present just one counterexample, fighters in classical Greece did not have the benefit of modern nutritional science and training methods, let alone anabolic steroids, but the only time limit on Pankration bouts was sunset. Fights that last more than 25 minutes might not be the most fun to watch but they’ve certainly been happening since long before the steroid era.

Felix doubles down on this position. While he acknowledges that steroids “have their side effects” he asserts that “it is impossible to compete at the highest levels of fighting without some chemical help.” This is another absurd claim, he does try to back this one up but in doing so he immediately undermines it: “Talk to any retired fighter, and they’ll give a number anywhere from 75 to 90 percent of their former training partners juicing.” Rather than proving his point, this statement suggests that it is not at all impossible to compete at the highest levels of fighting without chemical help because at the very least ten percent of fighters are doing it. This scaled-back version of his original pronouncement does make the prospects of success seem pretty bleak for clean fighters, but Felix doesn’t care. He is happy to accept that if most fighters are doping then fighters need to dope to compete and therefore it is OK for fighters to dope.

USADA testing in the UFC has, in Felix’s opinion, fucked things up. There are a lot of very valid criticisms that he could make about the inconsistent way that the policy has been applied to different fighters or the odd ways it has conflicted and overlapped with state athletic commission testing policies or the lack of fighter engagement in the process of rolling out the program leading to confusion and uncertainty about the rules, but he doesn’t. Instead of talking about the massive unregulated supplement industry in the USA and the habit that some supplement brands have of ‘accidentally’ slipping a bit of the good stuff in their products to make sure that their customers get the gains they crave, he complains that fighters are being punished for “by-products of over the counter substances”. By-products and contaminants are not the same thing, I’m not sure if Felix just misspoke here or if he genuinely doesn’t understand the problem he is talking about.

He goes on to moan that the punishments for breaking the rules of the sport are longer under this new program. He doesn’t say why the longer bans are bad, just that the UFC has been ‘capricious’, and it seems obvious to me that the reason he disagrees with the longer bans is that he thinks PED usage is a good thing. Let’s address that idea.

There are two main reasons why I think performance enhancing drugs should be banned in almost all sports. The first is that PED use is bad for the long term health of athletes. We know that there are permanent negative effects associated with the use of anabolic steroids, and there are scores of other widely used PEDs that simply haven’t been around for long enough for the consequences of their use to be properly understood. It is possible to argue from this position for the regulation and standardisation of PED use in sports, and although I disagree with that line of reasoning I do think it has some merit, but there is no hint of this argument in Fighting in the Age of Loneliness.

I think the most practical way to prevent athletes from being incentivised to gamble with their future health for short-term gain, especially in a sport like MMA which already carries so much physical risk, is to ban the use of PEDs and enforce that ban with testing. Felix talks about steroids helping fighters to recover quickly from serious injuries, but I don’t think that is a worthwhile tradeoff to ask them to make, and I don’t think it would be a bad thing for the health of fighters if less prevalent PED usage meant that fewer of them had to endure the accumulated physical toll of fighting four or five times a year.

The second reason is a purely sporting one. The rules of all sports are arbitrary, but they usually constitute an attempt to delineate a competition that tests one particular set of skills and abilities in its competitors and excludes others. Chess is not designed to be a test of split-second reflexive reactions, 100 meter sprinting is not supposed to challenge your ability to predict the strategy your opponent is going to employ and prepare a counter-strategy, and as far as I am aware there is no sport that seeks to test its competitors ability to improve their bodies through medical intervention. I want the sports I watch to be fair competitions that are about what they are about, and Felix does too: he repeatedly praises the “truth” and “honesty” and “earnestness” of “what goes on in the cage,” but he fails to see how this contradicts with the idea of allowing the outcomes of fights to be heavily influenced months ahead of time by means of one fighter having access to less scrupulous, less restrained doctors than the other.

There is some nuance here around where you draw the lines between sports nutrition, necessary medical assistance and doping, but again Felix does not adopt a position so sophisticated. It’s been demonstrated in almost every popular sport that athletes with the help of an organised and scientific doping program have a significant advantage over clean rivals with similar levels of experience and training, and that’s not a contest I was ever interested in watching. Fighters shouldn’t use steroids any more than match sailors should use outboard motors, it is contrary to the very concept of the sport.

Felix isn’t just mad about USADA testing because he thinks steroids are nifty, though. He’s also mad that they took away one of his favourites. “At the absolute highest level of the sport, no-one was derailed by this as much as Jon Jones” This is another part of Fighting in the Age of Loneliness that emphasises the gulf between Felix Biederman’s perspective on the UFC and my own. He watched Jon Jones’ rise through the ranks and his multi-year reign as the consensus best fighter in the world, and was apparently completely captivated by it. In describing him Felix returns to the hagiographic tone of the third and fourth episodes, describing him as “a giant, freak athlete who did moves that he learned off of youtube to humiliate fighters we grew up with”, comparing him to Napoleon, calling him “a genius who can destroy world champions with stuff he saw in a movie, the equivalent to those savant kids who can hear a song once and instantly play it on a piano perfectly”

By the time I was starting to watch the UFC, Jon Jones had already sabotaged his career fairly comprehensively. I don’t know Jon Jones as a legend or a genius or the greatest fighter in the world because I’ve never seen the fights that earned him that reputation. Here are the things that I do know about Jon Jones, things that have happened or that I have learned about since I started following the sport:

Jon Jones is a homophobe. In 2012 Jon Jones crashed his car, plead guilty to driving under the influence, and received a slap on the wrist. In January 2015 Jon Jones tested positive for cocaine in an out-of-competition test and was issued a token fine. In April 2015 Jon Jones ran a red light and caused an accident involving two other cars that left a pregnant woman with a fractured arm, then ran away only to turn himself in after an arrest warrant was issued and eventually plead guilty to fleeing the scene of an accident, receiving 18 months of probation. In 2017 Jon Jones was given a one year suspension after testing positive for banned hormone and metabolic modulators, which turned out to be contaminants in an erectile dysfunction pill he had been given by a training partner. In 2018 Jon Jones tested positive for an anabolic steroid and was suspended again for 15 months.

On the front steps of courthouses Jon Jones is humble and apologetic, and in the immediate aftermath of being caught doing something he shouldn’t have he often talks about how hard the experience has been for him and how much he has learned from it and grown as a person. At all other times he acts as though the bad things that happen to him or around him are never his fault, that he has no responsibility to ever change or even reflect upon his own behaviour, as though in all these struggles he has been the victim of cruel circumstance and conspiracy.

The Jon Jones that Felix describes is not someone I recognise, and the way he describes him is concerning. “As we got to know Jon more, we saw his personal foibles, like his DUI arrest and rivalry with Rashad Evans” I don’t think that having a heated rivalry with a competitor is comparable with drunk driving at all, and in framing the incident this way Felix trivializes it. He does this again with Jones’ hit-and-run conviction, mentioning it in passing but quickly moving on to quip about how awesome Jones got at powerlifting in his year off. He calls Jones “a person with failings who sometimes acted like an asshole, got pissed off and said incredibly cutting things to his opponents”, reinforcing the impression that Jones’ main character flaw is simply being too fierce a competitor, instead of calling him, say, a person with failings who sometimes acted like an asshole, took drugs he shouldn’t and crashed cars.

Felix is constantly making excuses for Jon Jones in this part of the episode. When he gets to the second failed drug test, he says Jones “got popped by USADA”, a turn of phrase that subtly reinforces Jones’ own narrative of victimhood, especially since Felix has already established USADA as the bad guys who are fucking up the UFC. He wraps up the Jones segment with a ‘boys will be boys’ defence couched in another appeal to the glory of days gone by: “It used to matter less if you acted like an idiot. Everyone was a bit of an idiot in one manner or the other in life, but god forbid you now embarrass the sport”.

From here, Fighting in the Age of Loneliness whines to a messy conclusion. The segments get more disjointed, it’s at this stage that modern women’s Mixed Martial Arts gets all of two minutes of consideration, and then there is a rather reluctant summary of the UFC career of Conor McGregor, who Felix seems not to like. He certainly doesn’t describe him with close to the same kind of exaltation that he deploys earlier for fighters who had similar trajectories like Mauricio Rua, Anderson Silva and Jon Jones.

After that, Felix goes back to behaving like a fan of an indie band that has started making top 40 hits. He doesn’t like that the one of the UFC’s new part-owners is an asset stripping firm, even though in his golden age one of the UFC’s part-owners was an Emirati war criminal. Back in the first segment of the first episode he references “this modern era of fighting, where all of the things that used to make the sport unusual are mostly gone,” and now he returns to that idea and calls the supposed new “fourth era” of fighting “sanitized and oversaturated,” contrasting it with the “honesty of a fist-fight” and the “cultural haven for strange people” that the UFC offered ten years ago. He complains that there aren’t enough knockouts any more. When he brings up the recent long-anticipated fight between Conor McGregor and Khabib Nurmagomedov he says “sometimes the dam of normalcy breaks and we get momentary bursts of how things once were,” which strikes me as a rather ‘what have you done for me lately’ attitude to take about something that happened the month before this video series came out.

Things drag closer to an end and Felix keeps returning to his golden age. “What was once a weird refuge for those who needed it is now eroding into just another thing that’s as formless and indistinct as everything else. Fighting has rid itself of so much of its magic. It does not transcend the world any more.” The way that he constantly makes references to a bygone era when everything was simple and pure and good and as it ought to be, and wishes dearly that we could return to that era instead of continuing to face the injustices of this current moment in time, reminds me a lot of an ideology that has has a big resurgence in the USA recently.

The episode wraps up with one final spasm of bitterness. “This will happen to everything that you love. Nothing you like will remain untouched, and it will get further and further monetized into meaninglessness. This isn’t just our problem in our idiotic bloodsport. You’re fucked too.” He’s not wrong about the commoditization of entertainment and sports-as-entertainment but he sounds once again like a whiny gamer stereotype or a disillusioned popstar fanboy of the kind he mocks at the start of the episode.

And then the episode doesn’t actually end. The sort-of epilogue about Donald Cerrone fighting Nate Diaz seven years ago is a good little segment, but it doesn’t do anything here. It doesn’t serve to illustrate or emphasise any of the things Felix has been talking about in the minutes leading up to it, it doesn’t follow from them in any kind of narrative. It feels like a piece that some combination of Felix Biederman and Jon Bois just liked too much to cut, even though they couldn’t find a place to put it, so they stuck it here at the end. Maybe it is intended to provide some sense of denouement after Felix’s angry ranting. Regardless, it comes at the end of such an unpleasant half hour that its attempt at poignance failed utterly on me.

Felix Biederman likes different fighters than I do, he has a perspective on the sport of Mixed Martial Arts that often seems parochial and outdated to me, and I am puzzled by his obsession with the idea that combat sports athletes are all strange, broken people, but none of these things would bother me if Fighting in the Age of Loneliness did not present itself as an authoritative, comprehensive history of fighting, instead of what it is, which is the story of Felix Biederman falling into and out of love with the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Together with Jon Bois he certainly tells that story well, their collage of tales of societal fracture and political indifference with images of single combat is a powerful one, but in pursuing its thematic goals the series fails over and over to justify or interrogate the positions it puts forward.

If the UFC disappeared tomorrow, or if it had never been created in the first place, fighting would still exist, Mixed Martial Arts would still exist, the “one two path of a punch to a guy snoring on the ground” that Felix claims to adore will still exist. Fighting is exactly as magical and exactly as mundane today as it it always has been and always will be, even if Felix Biederman doesn’t enjoy watching it as much as he used to.

#Fighting in the Age of Loneliness #Felix Biederman #Jon Bois #SBNation #UFC #MMA #Chapo Trap House #Jon Jones #PEDs #Fighting #Combat Sports #Ronda Rousey #Conor McGregor

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themusicenthusiast · 5 years

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Thursday, April 18th, 2019 - Snow Patrol Doesn’t Give In to Technical Difficulties, Overcoming to Satisfy Dallas Fans at the Kickoff Show of the North American Leg of the Wildness Tour

Photos by Jordan Buford Photography The lengthy drought was finally coming to end for the residents of North Texas who were Snow Patrol fans. The headline tour the UK-based indie-rock/alt-rock outfit is currently in the midst of was precipitated by the release of Wildness (out via Polydor Records) nearly a year ago – Snow Patrol’s first new album in nearly seven full years. There was also the tour they did supporting Ed Sheeran’s North American tour last fall, though that provided their fans with but a meager taste of what they craved after Snow Patrol’s years long absence from the Lone Star State. That was all set to change on this Thursday night, the band finally bringing the Wildness Tour to North America – about half of the twenty-one dates already sold-out – with Dallas serving as the launching point for the trek. South Side Ballroom was hosting what was poised to be a spectacular night, the band having already toured extensively around various parts of the world -- most recently South America -- ensuring they were in prime touring shape, while the break they got afforded them what was surely some much needed rest, allowing them to be in peak form for this next round of shows. While not sold-out, fans packed into the venue in droves, those lucky enough to arrive early getting treated to a delightful set from Ryan McMullan, while the trio that was We are Scientists put on an intense show, being thorough in warming up the sizable audience for whatever the band of the hour had prepared. What was interesting about the audience was how relatively diverse the makeup of it was. There were those who had likely been fans since Snow Patrol’s work became so acclaimed, circa the early to mid-2000s, while others in attendance had probably just been born around that time or shortly before. The single constant among the throng was how elated they all were to finally see Snow Patrol (again), their adoration for the group spilling over.

Several false starts excited the spectators that much more, the lights dimming a handful of times as the stage hands got everything in place, resulting in ample cheers and applause before disappointment set in as the lights illuminated everything once more. Then, at 9:38, it was officially on; a snowflake filling the screen at the back of the stage as drummer Jonny Quinn, bassist Paul Wilson, multi-instrumentalist Johnny McDaid and guitarist Nathan Connolly made their way on stage. Gary Lightbody completed things, the most boisterous fanfare having been saved for the frontman and guitarist who portrayed himself as being rather effervescent, kindly smiling and waving at everyone as he greeted them. It would have made sense that Wildness would be put on full display, allowing fans to experience much of that record in the live environment. However, after so many years away, most fans probably could have cared less about that, instead preferring to hear many of the classics they had missed so. Well aware of that, Snow Patrol opted for the more familiar for their first string of songs, beginning with “Take Back the City”. It was a striking opener on many fronts. For starters, taking the lyrics out of context, it felt like an appropriate welcome for them and to everyone. “I love this city tonight. I love this city always…” One got the sense that they had every intention of leaving their mark on the city; and it also highlighted the superb harmonies the band is capable of. On acoustic guitar duty for the moment, McDaid chimed in along with Connolly and Wilson, the three of them not only providing the backing vocals but also bolstering what Lightbody was doing as he paced around the stage, belting out a few of the lines in an incredibly impassioned manner.

Immediately electrifying, it was evident that Snow Patrol meant business. With that opening number one could feel the magic and compelling nature this music has, the past ten plus years since the release of A Hundred Million Suns having done nothing to diminish it; the intimate rapport with the audience being felt right away. Snow Patrol was there to entertain and deliver a memorable experience for all that had turned out, and they certainly got off on the right foot. That said, the first half of their set was plagued by some technical difficulties. It became more noticeable as they moved along; Lightbody spending a few moments fiddling with some of his equipment in hopes that it just required a simple fix, but to no avail. They handled it like the seasoned veterans they are, though, not even calling attention to it for a while, while the frontman never missed a beat, basically just shrugging it off and going about things as normal.

Prominent as the keys were during “Crack the Shutters”, that spellbinding love song boasted a robust rhythm section, Wilson really grooving to it as he strode around stage right, his movements seemingly calculative, as if he were waiting for the most opportune moment to strike. Indeed, he did as the track approached each crescendo. Upon finishing it Lightbody extended an official greeting to everyone, and also offered some insight to his appearance. Those closest to the stage had probably noticed he was lacking some shoes, instead just going barefoot. “…I’ve been wearing the same shoes for a year…” he remarked, adding that he wound up trashing them after they wrapped their South American tour. The lack of footwear seemed extra enjoyable to him. “Empress” was the first of a decent handful of cuts to be performed from Wildness; and given that it came after some older material, it was nice to see how it stacked up against those past works. This newest release is comprised of some of the most solid songs that Snow Patrol has produced, and even if there was a year’s long gap between albums, their signature sound wasn’t affected. “Empress” alone possesses that stellar indie-rock vibe that has proven to be a hallmark of the bands’ work, while also offering up a healthy serving of rock ‘n’ roll through the steady, pummeling percussion and the roaring guitars, both of which feel bolder than ever. That was particularly true when hearing that one live, the majestic scope of it being enthralling, while it simultaneously provided everyone with some serious rock.

If there was one positive to the trouble they were experiencing on stage, it was that it allowed Lightbody to conduct himself in a more natural manner, his affable demeanor leading one to appreciate the musician even more. He was handed a new guitar after that aforementioned song, laughing after having a quick chat with the tech that brought it to him. “So, I asked our guitar tech if this guitar was working, and he said, ‘You’ll find out in a minute’.” Even if he was dissatisfied with what was happening, he never seemed irritated by it, the quintet just going with the flow and taking things as they were. “This is a very appropriate song for this moment,” Lightbody quipped. “Don't give in. Don't you dare quit so easy…” he crooned as “Don't Give In” got underway, that more restrained number definitely taking on new meaning with the then current circumstances.

It didn’t go off without a hitch either, and again Lightbody just laughed it off. “This is the first night of the tour. Can you sense it?!” he asked afterwards, grinning and chuckling. He said it perfectly though when he stated that everybody was in it together, and that was, indeed, the shared mentality. “Open Your Eyes” capitalized on that. That cinematic masterpiece earned the strongest reaction from the spectators up to that point, especially as it hit its striking final minutes. Motioning with his hands, soon raising his arms into the air, Lightbody silently implored everyone to just let the music course through them and give themselves wholly to the song. They did, most of the crowd echoing along to that final refrain. A few minutes later Lightbody provided some backstory to this leg of the tour, noting they had been scheduled to fly into Dallas from Los Angeles the previous day, though bad weather had delayed that. “Bullshit!” one fan bellowed to that remark, referring to the severe weather that had been forecasted though never came to fruition. “There were, like, four hundred and fifty flights cancelled from LA…” the singer responded. “I was trying desperately to get here…” he added, joking that he was even considering one of Leonardo da Vinci's Flying Machines as a mode of transportation to Dallas. That daylong delay had resulted in them missing soundcheck for this show, Lightbody admitting that was the cause of so many of the problems they were having, owning that reason rather than passing things off on it.

Again, it shed light on who he really is and made him all the more likable. Pointing out a guy closer to the front, he declared it his job for the night to make the stone-faced gentleman smile. “You were dragged here?” Lightbody said as he briefly conversed with the man, realizing his job had just become that much more challenging. So, he did the only thing he could do: he dedicated the next song to the man. “I’m a time traveler from the future, and I met you and this song is about you,” he joked, using that as a segue into “Life on Earth”. Another song orchestrated on a grand scale, it allowed the spectators to fully appreciate the intricacies of Snow Patrol’s music. That was noticeable at every turn this night and it allowed the music to be so much more breathtaking, the way that Connolly, Wilson, McDaid and Quinn so artfully alternated between the more serene moments and the absolute precision they required to cutting loose and demonstrating the full extent of their musical prowess and how dynamic they can be.

That marked the end of the first half of their set, and before carrying on Lightbody swapped out some of his equipment, seeming assured that would remedy the issues and promising the next bit was “going to be great.” The difference was noticeable and immediate. The next number sounded so much clearer; every note, beat and word more pronounced, leading to an all-around lusher sound. It was Snow Patrol in all their glory; and while nothing had sounded bad up to then, it was evident that they firing on all cylinders at that point, eager and ready to make up for everything that they thought they had been lacking thus far. Seizing upon that newfound momentum, they even bridged a couple of the songs into the following one, further empowering themselves. Quinn and Wilson unleashed their full might on “Shut Your Eyes”, the rhythm section sounding surprisingly dominant on that one. Subtle as it was, one could even feel those sonorous notes shaking them; while “Heal Me” stood out as the most pleasantly surprising song of the night. It was self-described as being Lightbody’s favorite new song to perform live, he and his bandmates putting an exceptional amount of gusto into it. The recording itself is great, serving as another perfect example of how well Snow Patrol produces cinematic sounding pieces of work, but live it transcended that. That was present, though all the instruments sounded fiercer, a little rawer than what was captured in the studio, transforming “Heal Me” into a roaring beast that left everyone awed.

The best had been saved for last, those mesmerizing chords that begin “Chasing Cars” eliciting some deafening fanfare that was only outdone when the final line came around and was abruptly ceded to the crowd who didn’t miss a beat in collectively singing, “…Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” That song alone reinforced the staying power that music has, “Chasing Cars” being a song that everyone has surely heard before, even if they weren’t entirely sure who was responsible for it. It has aged exceptionally well over the last dozen plus years, still being a definitive piece of indie-rock (and a timeless one at that), the lyrics epitomizing just what an intimate and honest song should be; Lightbody’s emotional investment in his delivery of those words being unquestionable. “Take care of yourselves; we’ll see you again,” the singer stated as they moved along to the closing track of their 79-minute long set, which concluded in an exuberant fashion; the spectators getting to participate one more time as they sang and clapped along.

A few patrons took their leave at that point, no doubt wanting to beat the masses in getting out of the parking lot, which can be hectic to say the least. However, most were steadfast, certain that an encore was coming and eager to get the most out of this experience. While Snow Patrol did adhere to the routine that the encore has become, Lightbody didn’t hesitate to poke fun at it. Upon returning he joked about how typical an encore was of the arts and entertainment industry, laughing that the performers just go backstage and are like, “…Please, please like us!” he said in an exaggerated and desperate tone. Elaborating further, he even seemed keen on the idea on just playing every song in one setting, though acknowledged people would still wonder why there was no encore, so it’s better to just keep up the charade. McDaid was the only other member accompanying him for the first song of the 9-minute encore; the words “What if this is all the love you ever get?” filling the screen behind them.

The most bare-bones song of the night, it enraptured the audience in a way they hadn’t been at any other point. “What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” was another brilliant example of one of their songs transcending itself in the live environment, those lyrics that challenge one to reevaluate any relationship they’re in, to not take it for granted and embrace every aspect of it being exceptionally potent. A truly special moment, it was a pleasure to hear what is one of the best offerings from Wildness live; Connolly, Wilson and Quinn rounding things out for one last enchanting love song that felt like the perfect ending to their relatively brief but incredibly memorable time in Dallas. It may not have been the cleanest show of Snow Patrol’s career, but it was an awesome one nonetheless. You can’t fault a band for any technical difficulties that may occur, so all that is just beside the point. What isn’t beside the point is how resilient the five of them remained in the face of the obstacles that were suddenly thrown their way. I know I touched on that earlier, but it was still insightful to see how they handled it and wonderful that they didn’t let it affect them by getting flustered or upset. You just had to love them even more after witnessing that; and nothing ever sounded terrible out in the crowd.

The well curated set -- one comprised of some of the most stellar material they’ve churned out over their career -- they had planned helped in guaranteeing that everyone was transfixed with what they were playing, the overall structure of it having an excellent ebb and flow that took the listener on an emotional journey. It hit most if not all of the highlights and spanned a respectable amount of time, and while Snow Patrol made the wait fans had to endure well worth it, concertgoers leaving happy and content, it still seemed to pass too quickly, everyone already hungry for more. Hopefully they won’t have to wait as long between the next tour of North America. A significant voice in the indie-rock world for the better part of a couple decades now, Snow Patrol has managed to retain the high-profile spot they managed to position themselves in, and this performance just reinforced why they are still all too worthy of it. Some of the new stuff they played came across as being instant classics of theirs, while the smash hits and old favorites they had lined up were as marvelous now as they were upon first hearing them. Maybe even more so. It’s rare to find music that is capable of continuously impressing like that and that just speaks to how skilled this collective of musicians is when it comes to penning genuine, emotive music that connects with everyone. Something that resonates with the listener at their very core, and because of that, Snow Patrol evoked the quintessential concert experience this night, one where every soul in the building was unified by that music, feeling like they were part of something much bigger, even if it was for but a moment. This leg of Snow Patrol’s tour will run through May 21st, when it concludes at The Wiltern in Los Angeles, CA. Other notable stops include a performance at The Anthem in Washington, D.C. on April 26th; New York, NY’s Terminal 5 on April 30th; The Riviera Theatre in Chicago, IL on May 7th; and The Joint at Hard Rock in Las Vegas, NV on May 18th. A complete list of their tour schedule and additional info for each show can be found HERE; and be sure to check out Wildness in iTUNES or GOOGLE PLAY. Set List: 1) “Take Back the City” 2) “Chocolate” 3) “Crack the Shutters” 4) “Empress” 5) “Don't Give In” 6) “Open Your Eyes” 7) “Run” 8) “Life on Earth” 9) “Make This Go On Forever” 10) “Shut Your Eyes” 11) “Called Out in the Dark” 12) “Heal Me” 13) “Chasing Cars” 14) “You're All I Have” Encore 15) “What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” 16) “Just Say Yes” Note: ”The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?)” appeared on the set list though was not performed.

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sidbridgecomedy · 5 years

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Running Open Mic Night

Hey comics...

I thought I'd sit down a second and give some insight into the difficulties of running one of the most important open mics in the area (and the longest running one at that). I get a lot of feedback/wishes from comics who want more time or more freedom. Here's the rationale behind the way I run things at Cozzy's, as it unfolded live last Thursday.

Yes, there's backstage work. I have to decide each week if I'm going to host it myself or if I'm going to give someone else the honors. That "someone else" must be someone I deem as capable of running the evening - some can handle it without me there, some need a little hand-holding (and that's ok).

While I do promote the show on social media, the show's presence on the calendar promotes itself. The words "Open Mic" on the official calendar of an established comedy club are an enticement that lure in first-timers and their friends. I also make sure we have a sign up sheet and get there early to run sign-up.

Yeah, 30 comics may sign up in one night and those comics are a chunk of the audience, but the rest of it consists of a few club regulars, a couple of people who wandered in, and a ton of people there to see their friend try comedy for the first time.

Last Thursday, I frankly felt beat up by 8:15. The list had been out for less than 15 minutes and already 30 people had signed up, not including an expected drop-in from one of my favorite headliners. I estimate 20 of those people were there before I put the list out. I'm strict about sign-up time - the list goes out at 8:00 and closes at 8:30. Why? Because 1) It gives me the ability/time to plan the show and arrange the lineup and 2) If you can't handle something as simple as "Get here by this time to sign up" your ass won't make it to a weekend show on time and you'll get fired.

I snatched the list up at exactly 8:30 and started arranging the lineup. Not two minutes later I feel a tap... "Can I still get on that list?" Nope. I had 34 comics plus a headliner. I made that clear to the latecomer (who I like enough not to name here) and got "How much do I have to pay to get on the list?"

Dude. You could pay me a million bucks and it still wouldn't bend space and time to create a place to add someone to a show that over-packed. Two minutes later a second comic came in - a more experienced comic who I happen to love, but he saw the list and knew there was no space. He had the courtesy to not bother asking. That's an asset.

I still had to arrange this monster list. Only on rare occasions do I put people up in the order they sign up. It sucks, but as a host you have to make value judgments. If you know three comics are going to struggle, you can't put them back to back. If you know a few comics are going to rock, you want them up there when the audience is at its peak. If you know someone brought a ton of friends, you want them towards the end so their friends don't bail on the show.

Plus I had a headliner. Brett Leake is one of my favorite people in the world. He always asks me in advance for a space and if I told him 30 people were signing up he would offer to back out without a second thought. I always bend over backwards to make sure he's got a spot. Why? The audience needs to see him - he's hilarious and it reminds everyone that sometimes a headliner shows up out of nowhere at Open Mic Night. And the comics need to see him. Every aspiring comic in that room needs to watch how a guy like Brett irons out new material. Brett is a mensch. He insists on going up early, and he did exactly 5 minutes. Typically a headliner will ask to go in the middle of the show and do 10-15 and that's their right as far as I'm concerned, assuming their headliner credentials are legit and verifiable.

Once I've got that lineup set, I have to corral everyone for a pre-show meeting. Is it a little juvenile that I make everyone hear the same speech before each show? Maybe. Do people screw up every single week? Yep.

It's gotten to the point where I can tell by the look in a first-timer's eyes if they are going to be either funny, nervous/terrible, or a complete asshole with nothing but disrespect for the stage. I always ask the first-timers to stick around after the meeting for some basic comedy 101 and a pep talk. Without fail, one out of every three first-timers will ignore all the rules and have to be pulled from the stage.

Last week it happened and I saw it coming a mile away. Look, maybe the poor guy was nervous, but the dumb grin on his face was like a caption for a picture where every word I said slide in one ear and right out the other.

I have rules. At the behest of the club I work for, I ask the following: 1. Never use the N-word or C-word (for obvious reasons). 2. Avoid the F-word. If it slips out once or twice or makes the joke hilarious I let it go. If it's unnecessary or repeated like it's a damn comma in your sentence, you're done. This is the rule people have the most trouble with because to so many of us it's just a word. And I get that. But I'm not worried about your feelings. I'm worried about the audience and the tone of my show, so suck your feelings in for one night and put a sock in it. Oh, and "Mother***ker" is still the f-word so don't try semantics on me. 3. Don't be disgusting. Don't hump the stool and talk about your bodily fluids the whole time. Again, this one gets a lot of brush-back because apparently bodily fluids are the only life experience a lot of people have to talk about. Again, my responsibility is to the club and the only way the club makes money on open mic night is if people order food and drinks, which they won't do if they want to throw up.

We had to piggyback the hosting that night for obvious reasons, so my job as host was about as dry as it gets. Warm the crowd up at the beginning of the show, then spend the rest of the night timing people and enforcing the rules. The list of comics for the show ended up at a whopping 34 - I was lenient with two people who got there super early and signed up on a sheet of paper that wasn't actually the list. It was an honest mistake.

(Note - even that honest mistake is a tough one for the show runner to deal with. Adding a comic outside of signup time can mean having to shuffle the whole show, change set times, and confuse people who don't know who they have to introduce next. That's why I get pretty cranky over this stuff).

I did four minutes at the beginning of the show. It's the host's prerogative to set his or her own time. My goal was to use a few specific bits that were good enough to guarantee a laugh, but new enough to work on in front of a good crowd. By the way, anyone who complains about being first, remember you aren't first. The host is first. You're second. You're going up to a warmed-up crowd. It's not the best spot on the show, but it's not bad so don't bitch.

Brett Leake (Did I mention he's a wonderful person? Because he is) listened and reacted to every comic he was able to watch. When I got off the stage, he had specific feedback on each of my bits and it was like a gift from heaven. If a headliner ever gives you feedback on your material, LISTEN and be thankful.

After that I settled into what I knew would be an exhausting night. I worried for myself, I worried for the comics and I worried for the crowd. 34 is basically too many people. I better explain myself again...

Why let 34 people on stage, then?

Who am I going to cut? Plenty of mics put 15 slots up and when they are full, that's it. There are just too many people I DON'T want to turn away: Talented comics, comics who are loyal to the club and the show, first timers who brought out their friends or didn't bring friends but finally got up the guts to try - and those categories cover most of the signups. Plus there needs to be a good variety on the show. If I just let the experienced comics on, nobody new will develop and the first timers with tons of friends will stop attending.

Why not make the show longer then? Nope. That's rude to the audience. A comedy show should really go no more than an hour and a half. We stretch to two hours, sometimes 5 or ten minutes more, to squeeze everyone on. By the end, the audience is exhausted. The are starting to clear out and we are risking leaving them with a bad taste in their mouths.

So I took my trusty timer and my flashlight and kicked back to watch what was ultimately a good show - one of the major highlights being Brett Leake, who has the rare ability to write material that requires you to engage your brain, yet still bring it down to a level that any audience can relate to. Most of the comics were super courteous - carefully following the rules, not running over time and really working on solid material.

Yes, some were terrible. And while it has always been policy to shorten the set of a terrible comic, most of the time no one notices when we're only doing 3 minutes. If someone is up there for one crappy minute and I give them the light, that means they get another crappy minute. That's most of their three minute set. So yeah, no real lesson learned there.

One thing that often shocks me at these shows is when comics don't make use of that final minute - I'm not complaining that more than half the lineup ended their sets 30-45 seconds early because it helped fit everyone on stage, but I give two lights - a solid beam to signal one minute is left, and a waving light to signal ten seconds. Go to the 10 second mark, then finish - abruptly if you have to. Between early endings and a couple of people who had to leave and drop off of the show, we were able to stay on time all evening.

The pleasant surprises make it fun - we had one first-timer who did really well and had the right amount of humility. I hope he comes back. The annoyances are ever present. The first-timer I mentioned earlier got up there and dropped the f-bomb more times than I could count in his first 15 seconds. Yeah, it's "just a word" but this guy was in the meeting where I explained very clearly not to do that, then stayed after when I repeated that rule right in his face. At least he obeyed the light and ended his set when I shined it on him at 30 seconds. I'm still a little pissed because when I pulled him aside and told him why I lit him early, there wasn't a hint of an apology.

I don't need this guy to apologize. He made his statement and it'll cost him later. On the flip side, I have another regular who has a very hard time stopping himself from using the F-bomb and he came up to me before the show and apologized sincerely for some language he used last week. That was the right thing to do. He's a good guy and I hope to see him continue.

At about the halfway point of the show the audience started to thin. Generally, I make the comics stick around for the whole show because that's an expected courtesy. If they do need to leave early, I ask for an explanation - and if it's reasonable, I'm usually okay with it. I try not to hold myself up as the litmus test for reasonable - I run that show to the bitter end, then get up at 5am the next morning for my 4-mile run. That's not normal and I recognize that.

I think the crowd thinned in this case just because - even in one hour - it's exhausting to watch a show that has that many comics. Cramming 15 people on stage in 60 minutes feels a lot longer than it actually is. I appreciate all the comics who went later in the lineup and still gave it their all for a slightly smaller audience - not a bad audience, mind you - Cozzy's open mic shows have been blessed with actual non-comic audience members - plenty of them.

The show ended up finishing at 10:50pm, which is good. No, I didn't use that extra time for the two comics I turned away because 1) They left, 2) The audience was tired so would have had to set themselves on fire to get laughs and 3) That would kind of negate the whole "be on time to sign up" message.

The aftermath of a show like that is actually pretty rewarding. The best comics of the bunch hang around and talk about what worked and what didn't work - they share stories about recent gigs and talk about what shows they have coming up. It's a wonderful fraternity with a true mixture of all types - even "edgy" comics still come to my show in spite of the fact that quite a few of their friends don't like me and my rules.

Some day I will have to hand Open Mic Night off to a new boss. I've been running it for more than five years and it's as exhausting as it is rewarding. For me it sometimes becomes a crutch that allows me to rationalize not being aggressive enough in my own bookings because I have a show to run. However I really love Cozzy's. From the beginning, Lorain has been there with opportunities and honest assessments of my progress. I've met amazing people thanks to all the work I've done at that club and wouldn't trade the experience for the world. There's a reason Cozzy's is the longest running comedy club in the area - while bar gigs come and go, Cozzy's continues to assemble the right talent for a well-nurtured audience of honest, rowdy blue collar heroes.

There you have it. This was supposed to be Open Mic Night in a nutshell, but as you can see it's much more complex. We've experimented with alternative formats before, including pre-selected spots, bi-weekly ProAm shows and only doing Open Mic once or twice a month. It's always come back to what we have now.

Other successful open mic formats in the area have included the Funny Bone's bringer show, Clash of the Comics - which packs the house every month and really takes the competitors to a new level and the original Cinema Cafe formula, where the comics were carefully pre-selected and the audience was developed with care to help each comic build a following.

I'm always open to new ideas, but for now I'm proud to be one of the many people in the area who help new talent reach that next level.

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motogpfanpage · 6 years

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ROUND 14: ARAGON

Last round in Europe before the huge month of flyaways, Aragon marks a turning point in the season as Marc Marquez gets closer to clinching another World Title.

1) Captain Marquez

On thursday Marc Marquez stated he still had the title in mind, even though his lead is already huge, and would be willing to lose 5 or 10 points to his opponents.

On saturday he went even further into this state of mind saying a top 5 would be his goal after failing to take pole position against fellow spaniard and future teammate Jorge Lorenzo.

Once sunday came, and after a good night sleep, gone was the careful Marquez and back was the crazy beast: “ I got up this morning I say okay, I want to take a risk today ”. And many risks he took indeed running wide and taking Lorenzo with him at turn 1, fighting on and on with Dovizioso, giving back every attack, switching places multiple times in one lap and finally pushing for the win in the final laps to escape the Desmo’s power in the straights.

Marquez believe the reason behind his race win at Aragon was a tire gamble he decided to take. Supposed to race the hard once again, the spaniard went against all odds and favored the soft as he believed he would be his only chance against the Ducatis: “ In the warm-up I didn't feel well but I pushed, I crashed and then I start to think why I crash. Then we speak together with Santi [Hernandez, crew chief], with my technician and I say to him 'I want the soft rear'. Then started a big meeting, discussions inside the team, with HRC because I did not try that soft tyre in the afternoon in hot temperature but I say I believe on this one, I can manage. Another thing is, was the only chance to fight against Dovi because with the hard I felt good but for my riding style was not working in a good way, especially on the entry. ”

Aragon GP win helped Marc increasing his lead advantage and even though he cannot win the title next time out in Thailand, his first match point will come right after at Motegi.

2) Two side of the same coin

The Aragon GP may have been won by Marquez and Suzuki may have got a podium but the image of the weekend certainly was Jorge Lorenzo’s monstruous highside at the first corner right after the start of the race.

An horrific incident leaving the spaniard with a dislocated a toe and fractured second metatarsal on his right foot. After being checked by the clinica on Sunday, and again in Barcelona on Monday, Lorenzo’s participation to the Thai GP is all but certain. Forced in resting his leg and foot for at least the 10 coming days, the spaniard will be checked again by the medicals later this week to see how the situation is evolving and if he could be fit enough to take part to the next grand prix in Thailand.

Lorenzo’s foot might be hurting but so is his tongue. On sunday night the spaniard put some of the blame for his crash on future teammate Marc Marquez’ lines and block pass at turn 1: “From the outside, [it looked like] I entered too fast, I lean too much and I entered too wide in the dirty part, that's why I crashed. From what I lived, what I experienced, I entered in the normal line, entered the corner as I did in the seven last years here in Aragon, but I watched Marc go into the inside, very aggressive, not making the corner because you saw where he finished, in the green [paint on the outside]. And when he saw that I was there, he tried not to let me pass into the corner, and I didn't have any options [but] to go to the dirty part. Because we were very wide and already the other riders were coming, if I didn't want to lose five or six positions, I had to open the throttle.“In Misano [last time out] the crash was completely my fault, this time Marc destroyed my race, destroyed my foot, destroyed also the big possibility that I have to win and probably also [the] Thailand race.”

Lorenzo’s words were greeted with many criticizes, most people thinking it could only be his ego speaking and blaming Marquez for a mistake he did on his own. Body language though doesn’t lie and watching MotoGP dot Com’s video clip of JL’s post race debrief only shows someone who genuinely believe what he is saying.

Is Marquez to blame ? Is Lorenzo to blame ? Is it 50/50 ? Everybody will have their own opinion on the matters but reporters can put their clickbait headline about the “Dream Team Already Fighting” to rest as both Lorenzo and Marquez went on to show what Gentlemen are made of.

On Monday night, the oldest spaniard made a twitter thread explaining his view of the incident with a more calm and resting head. He then added: “This is my version, But I want to inform you that this afternoon I received a call from Marquez checking on me, which honors him.”

Something to which Marc Marquez replied: “Get well soon! We will see each other in Thailand”.

They might not always agree and they will definitely have moment of fight next year at Honda, but when you have respect for one another, it makes everything else easier. Even the reconciliation of two great champions.

3) Best of the rest

Failing to stop Marquez from winning his home GP, Dovizioso was pretty happy with the result anyway once in the parc fermé on Sunday. The Ducati, clearly shaping into the best bike on the grid, is so good that even Marc Marquez’ riding skills needs helps from a few tricks and gambles to win: “In Misano it was very important, but here even more because this confirms our improvement, and this improvement is the reality but is even better for the future. This is the way I want to look at the weekend, Because we come here with a lot of confidence from the [other] competitors, they thought we could win easy the race. But it's never like this, and I'm so happy how much we improved from last year – this is the point. Unfortunately we couldn't win, we try until the last lap, but we have to study and analyse the reality, and the reality is we did a good step – a huge step.”

With Jorge Lorenzo and Crutchlow out of the race and Yamaha struggling at the back, Iannone, Rins and Pedrosa decided to give everybody a quick reminder of just what they capable of.

Showing a fairly good pace all weekend, Andrea Iannone was the revelation of Sunday’s race. The maniac, more used to playing bowling with other riders when fighting with them was the cleanest we’ve seen of him in a long time. Sharp but never on the edge, the italian gave his everything and never let a mistake made by the leader being unnoticed. After sandwiching Marc Marquez with Dovizioso though, Iannone realized he could keep up with the Honda and Ducati and settled for 3rd: “It was a really great race for us and in many cases, a real battle because first of all, I fight a lot with my tyres, especially with the rear because it is really important to manage for all the race. During the practice we worked in a good direction with the used tyres and in the race I tried to not push a lot and push the bike on the side, and I think this is a really good strategy. At the end, the last five or six laps I started to recover the gap a little bit. The Honda and Ducati are more faster than us on the straight and I think this is the negative point for the race of today, but it was a good race.”

Behind him his teammate, Alex Rins, was struggling to keep his older teammate’s pace but not for lack of trying. In the end he was 4th and very happy to bring home a good result: “I’m really happy, I think we passed these expectations that we made yesterday. Mostly during all the race I was riding very comfortable with the first group. But then when there were twelve laps to go I started to feel something strange on the front. Since the beginning I believed in Suzuki, I was saying we had a competitive bike, no? In some races we’ve been a little bit at the back, for the setting or I don’t know what. But for sure our bike is very competitive and very good. Sure, we need to improve a little bit in the top speed and the small things, but I’m very happy with my bike.”

A little further back, Pedrosa almost looked like his older self riding with perfect line in a way only him can. Getting the benefits of a few new pieces given to him from Honda after asking for them since Jerez, the spaniard had what seemed to be his best shot at a podium since the start of the season. A 5th place isn’t was he was hoping for but soon enough will came Sepang and we know just how strong the little samurai can be there: “I think today in the race everything was quite well, we were able to start with the front group and i was able to do some passing, but unfortunately the hard rear had no grip. I was unable to carry the corner speed and the acceleration out of the turns with the hard, and that make me lose a bit of the gap per lap that I was unable to stay in the [lead] group.“I think with a little better grip in the rear I was able today to be in the podium or fight for the victory.”

4) Debacle and Disaster

If you thought the Austrian GP was a disaster for Yamaha then the Aragon GP was purgatory. At a track where former Yamaha rider Jorge Lorenzo used to make it onto the podium, the Rossi and Vinales duo barely made it into the top 10 after both qualifying way too far on the grid for a factory team.

If Marquez changed his mind from Saturday to Sunday, the same happened to Vinales. Not on the pace, in Q1 and struggling to get into Q2, the spaniard was penalized with a 3 places on the grid penalty for cruising on the racing line while Bradley Smith was on a hot lap. On saturday night he tweeted “we’re still motivated”.

On sunday and after a disastrous race result, there was no motovation left for box 25. Still not getting any better at race start the spaniard struggled to get closer to the top 10: “We have lost all our objectives, we don't know what to aim for. The feeling on the bike is very bad. Now we have the Asian tour and I just hope to get it over with fast. Zero motivation, zero expectations. For me it is the worst race I've done in Yamaha, and the worst time on the bike, when the feeling was worst on the bike. I can't tell really the precise problem because every area was working bad, was not even one area that was okay. I was comparing myself with non-factory bikes and they were even better than me.”

Side 46 of the box wasn’t partying either. For the first time in i don’t know how many year (if it even ever happened before) we got ourselves a VR46 waiting for a tow during Q1 saying there was no way he could have had the pace for Q2 alone.

Failing to find one, the doctor qualified at a very anonymous 17th place on the grid. Only his sunday racer skills would help him get into the top 10 and beyond.

It is now 23 races since Yamaha last one a race and even though anything can happen during the flyaways one could think everybody should prepare themselves for a year without any yamaha win: “I started very much behind, but I could keep a constant pace for the race and I can take some points, I can make the top 10, that yesterday I wasn’t sure [I could do]. It’s like this, this is our potential now. We hope to improve.”

Both sides of the box are hoping to see the light at the end of a very dark tunel, if only heads in japan would start doing something to solve a problem Rossi believe will not go away even with the 2019 engines: “I hope it’s important for Yamaha to react.“Maybe some top guys see the number, and somebody asks: ‘Why?’ ”

5) Honorable mentions

Aleix Espargaro’s 6th place in the race with the Aprilia felt nothing less than a win!

Danilo Petrucci in 7th continues to be a disappointment.

Zarco cannot do better than 14th which comes as no surprise when even the factory riders struggles to be in the top 10.

Pol Espargaro’s was forced out of the race weekend due to a crash when he was just coming back from a severe injury.

It was nice having Jordi Torres back in the paddock. The famously #kneedown rider made a respectable job out of a great opportunity replacing Tito.

#motogp #review #aragongp #motorland #aragon #marc marquez #jorge lorenzo #andrea dovizioso #andrea iannone #dani pedrosa #valentino rossi #alex rins #maverick vinales

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argyle-s · 6 years

Text

THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME CHAPTER 11/38

Rating: Mature

Read at Ao3

Start at the Beginning

Supergirl gets some hero time in preparation for her interview with Cat. Kara, Alex and J'onn work out their issues, and Susan gets a new job.

Thanks to @ifourmindbeso for her great work as a beta. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my own.

Chapter 11 - Shining Light, Show and Tell

“You look like hell,” Cat said as Kara sat her Sushi tray down on the coffee table.

“Thank you, Ms. Grant,” Kara said. “It didn’t really sink in when the fifty people before you told me the same thing.” Kara leaned over, picking up the edited copy for the afternoon update of the Tribune website.

“My, aren’t we just little miss sassy-pants today.”

Kara sighed. “Sorry,” she said. “I had a bad allergy attack last night and I’m still trying to shake it.”

“I didn’t realize you had allergies,” Cat said, and Kara was surprised at the level of concern in her voice.

“I didn’t either until fairly recently,” she said.

“It’s nothing here at CatCo, is it?” Cat asked.

“No. It’s this stuff they use where my sister works,” Kara said, trying to wave off Cat’s concern. She looked down at the copy and smiled. “Supergirl’s Super Week?”

“Yes,” Cat said. “I thought it was rather catchy. For someone new at the Superhero thing, she’s doing an excellent job.”

Kara scanned the rest of the article and smiled when she found a number of small critiques. “Not cutting her any slack, are you?”

“Well, why should I? No one else will. She’s going to have to be better than Superman, just to keep up.”

“Work twice as hard, to be thought of as half as good,” Kara said. “Just like any other woman.”

Cat smiled. “Good to see you’ve been listening to me, Keira.”

“Always, Ms. Grant,” Kara said with a smile.

“So, how goes the quest for the interview with our Maid of Might?”

“Oh,” Kara said. “About that…”

“Get a little too big for our britches, did we?”

Kara laughed. “No. It’s just… Well, I did talk to her, and she has a list of conditions. It’s short, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but she won’t do the interview unless you agree.”

Cat nodded as she sat aside the proof she’d been editing and picked up her lunch tray, walking over to her desk. “Alright then, let’s hear them.”

“No questions about her day job. How she pays her bills. Where she lives. No questions about her secret identity, or anything that could lead back to people who are close to her when she’s not wearing the suit. Any questions regarding any relationship she might have with the government will be answered with a firm ‘no comment’. You agree not to publish her secret identity if anything in the interview gives you a clue to who she is.”

“She wants me to agree not to publish her secret identity if I find it?” Cat asked as she took out her collection of chopsticks and went about selecting a pair.

Kara nodded. “She was very clear that the restriction would only be in force if information in the interview revealed who she was. She didn’t expect you to hold back if you found the information through an outside source, though she did ask if you could give her some warning if you do ever decide to go public with that so she could get certain people to safety.”

“Those seem reasonable,” Cat said. “I do hope she understands that I will be reporting facts, not writing some little puff piece.”

Kara laughed. “Ms. Grant, I think she would be disappointed if you did anything else.”

Cat narrowed her eyes. “You seem to know an awful lot about her, Keira.”

“She was excited,” Kara said. “I think she admires you, Ms. Grant. I think she looks up to you.”

Kara wasn’t quite sure what to make of the look on Cat’s face, and she didn’t get very long to analyze it, before it was replaced with Cat’s usual mask.

“Well, of course she does,” Cat said. “I’m me.”

“Yes,” Kara said, not able to keep the smile off her face. “Yes, you are. So, how does Thursday evening sound?”

“Hmm… That will work. Headlines to carry us through the weekend, and a big article for Monday. Any idea where she wants to do the interview?”

“She said she’d come to you.”

Cat smiled. “Well, then, I’ll look forward to it.”

Winn didn’t really like to think of himself as a small person. Metaphorically small. Because physically, yeah, he was tiny, but that was beside the point. He didn’t like to think of himself as the jealous type. He knew he could be. He knew, when he loved something, he was terrified of having it taken away, because so much in his life had been. His mother. His father.

He also knew he had a terrible crush on Kara. It was hopeless, because Kara told him she was gay the first time they’d really talked. It was so casual, that he might have even missed it, if he hadn’t been so enamored of her that he was hanging on every word, but she’d mentioned the toughest part of adjusting wasn’t the new apartment or new job, it was that she’d just lost her girlfriend. In a way, it was kind of a relief because he knew there was no chance, so he didn’t feel pressure to perform. They were better friends because he could be more relaxed, more himself. The crush was still sort of there, but it was dull, muted. The kind of thing you never, ever act on. And he’d never been jealous of Kara’s relationship with anyone.

Okay, maybe he’d been a little bit jealous when he found out she’d told Maggie about the Supergirl thing too, but that had been fleeting and momentary, because Maggie Sawyer was freaking awesome, and aside from a little ribbing over some of his costume designs, they’d actually become fast friends. A lot of that was because Maggie had taken one look at the Alien Conspiracy Website he contributed to and dove in head first. He’d listened to her rant for hours about all the details that were wrong, and learned more about the weird shit that happened in National City in one night than he had in all the years he’d live there.

But James Olsen was not Maggie Sawyer and Winn did not like the way he looked at Kara. Not one little bit. Because James Olsen looked at Kara like she belonged to him. Which is why, when he found James standing in the alley where he was supposed to be meeting Kara, he had to bite his tongue to avoid saying something he’d probably regret.

“Hey,” James said, “what’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Winn said, casting around for some reason he’d be in the alley. “I… like to come out here to smoke. Which I like to do in private.”

“Actually, I’m meeting someone out here, so…”

“Yeah, you can meet them inside the building.”

“No, uh, my friend likes to make an entrance.”

“So does his,” a voice said from behind them. Winn smiled as he turned around to find Maggie walking down the alley towards them. “Also, you’re outvoted.” She lifted her hand, gesturing back towards the entrance to the alley with her thumb. “So, do us a favor, and take a walk.”

James looked back and forth between them, slightly panicked, and Winn couldn’t help feeling a little smug, right up until he heard the tell-tale swoosh of the cape. He looked up, just in time to see Kara turn and drop down for a landing.

Winn looked over at James, expecting to see surprise, but he moment he saw the look on James’s face he knew, and he turned back to Kara.

“You told him?” Winn asked.

“You told them?” James asked at the exact same time.

“My cousin told James,” Kara said, “and we’ve had some words about that.” Then she looked at James. “I told them, because they’re my friends and they deserve to know what that means. They’re here because they’ve already proven themselves.”

Winn felt himself stand up just a little taller at that. Something about the idea that someone like Kara respected him made him feel better about himself and a little less frightened of the shadow looming over him.

James held up his hands, a little defensively.

“Sorry,” he said.

Kara nodded. “Okay, this thing is off to a good start. The plane, the bank robbery, the fire, but right now, it’s important that I be seen out there, helping people.”

“Is this about your interview with Cat?” James asked.

Winn looked at James, then back at Kara. “You’re giving Ms. Grant an interview?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Kara said.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Maggie asked. Which Winn was happy about because it meant he didn’t have to.

“I know it seems a bit weird but right now, Supergirl needs as much public exposure and as much positive press exposure as she can get. So yes, in a way, this is about my interview with Cat, but it’s also about convincing Astra that there are better ways to help this planet that what she’s planning.”

“Who’s Astra?” James asked, and Winn felt that smug feeling come back, because here was something he knew, something Kara had trusted him and Maggie with, that James didn’t know.

“Long story,” Kara said. “I’ll fill you in later. The point is, right now, I need to be out there, helping people, and to do that, I need your help.”

“I’m in,” all three of them said at once.

“Next time, can you stop a robbery at a salad bar,” Maggie said as she grabbed another slice of pizza and dropped down onto the couch. “If I keep eating like this, I’m going to have to get bigger pants.”

Kara laughed as she put her feet up on the coffee table. “Maggie, we both know you’re too butch not to have at least one pair of pants at home with some extra room in them.”

“Okay, I would like to say that I am not comfortable with the direction this conversation is heading,” Winn said. He shifted a little closer to the table as he worked on unhooking the laptop from the police scanner. “It’s a little too close to hearing things like that about my sister.”

“And I feel like I’m missing something,” James said.

Kara looked over her shoulder to here James was leaning against the counter, a bottle of water in his hand. The last two days had been good. It had taken a little time, but Maggie and Winn had both eventually warmed up to him, and Kara had started to settle into a relationship with him that didn’t revolve around pining or guilt.

She turned back to Maggie. “You explain it,” she said.

“Oh, no, Danvers. You told the joke, you gotta explain it.”

Kara thought about it for a moment, and decided right then and there she’d rather fight Darkseid, Doomsday and a dozen White Martians at once, than explain packing to James Olsen.

“Sorry, James,” she said. “You’re gonna have to figure that one out on your own, or get Winn to explain it.”

“That will happen right around the heat death of the universe,” Winn said. “Sorry, James, you’ll have to figure out the mysteries of lesbian humor on your own.”

“Lesbian... Oh,” James said.

Kara turned around again, and saw a look of shock on James’ face. A small part of her wanted to jump up and do a victory dance, but there was another part that wanted to make sure to drive the point home.

“He didn’t know,” she said, turning back to Maggie. “Maybe I should have gone with a flannel suit and a rainbow cape.”

Maggie snorted, choking a little on a bite of pizza before she managed to swallow it. “I’d suggest a tattoo, but trust me, guys will completely ignore it.”

“Noted,” Kara said. “Seriously, though, I want to thank you guys. The last couple of days have been amazing, and I think the city is really starting to believe in Supergirl.”

“That’s all you,” Maggie said.

“She’s right,” James said. “You’ve been amazing out there.”

“Especially with Fluffy,” Winn said.

Kara turned around and glared at him. “It was a snake, Winn.”

Whatever Winn’s reply would have been was lost to the knock on the door. Kara looked through the door, and saw Alex standing there, looking like a kicked puppy. The only thing about it that surprised her was that it had taken this long.

“Maggie, would you get the door?”

“Why me?” Maggie asked, suspicion dripping from her voice. “James and Winn are closer. And you might want to change first.”

Kara smiled, “Because I’ve been waiting for this for months, and I’m pretty sure my sister knows I’m from Krypton.”

“You know, your obsession with pimping me out to your straight sister is a little disturbing.”

The knock came again, and James stood up. “I’ll get it,” he said.

“I will melt your face if you open that door,” Kara said. She gave Maggie a small push. “Go.”

“Kara, I know you’re in there!” Alex shouted through the door.”

Maggie stood up. “Fine,” she grumbled. “But if she’s not hot, I’m kicking your ass.”

Kara watched as Maggie walked across the room, and it was all she could do to keep from bouncing excitedly on the couch, when Maggie unlocked the door and swung it open. Alex looked up and stopped dead for just a moment, before her jaw dropped. Kara wasn’t entirely sure she would have needed her super hearing to hear the small pop of Alex’s jaw when it happened.

“Um…” was all Alex could seem to get out, and Kara had to fight not to squeal at the look on her face.

“You must be Kara’s sister,” Maggie said. “I’m Maggie.”

“Oh,” Alex said. “Uh… Hi.”

The sound of Winn and Kara both bursting into laughter seemed to break the spell, and Alex looked past Maggie, into the apartment, and the vaguely punch-drunk expression shifted into pure, annoyed big sister the second Alex spotted Kara in the Supergirl uniform.

Maggie turned around, following Alex’s line of sight to care, and laughed. “Oh, somebody’s in trouble.”

Ten minutes later, Winn, James and Maggie were gone, and Kara was in civvies, pouring both of them a cup of tea.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to tell your friends who you are?” Alex asked.

“You know what,” Kara said, “after that stunt at the DEO two nights ago, I don’t think you get to question how *I* am handling this.” She reached over and grabbed the sugar bowl, taking out three cubes and dropping them into her tea.

Alex winced. “Okay, sorry. I didn’t come here to fight. I came to apologize. What happened at the DEO was a mistake.”

Kara nodded. “Mine,” she said. “I shouldn’t have told you about Jeremiah or I should have trusted you and J’onn with everything. Fuck if I know what I’m doing.”

Alex flinched at the sound of Kara swearing. “Why didn’t you?”

Kara sighed and looked down at her tea. “I couldn’t,” she said. “There are so many moving parts, so many dangers and threats and I absolutely could not take certain risks. When we were setting this up, the entire plan, the entire strategy centered on preventing Myriad from ever being deployed. In order to do that, I have to convince Astra to give it up. The thing is, I didn’t know where Astra would be up until a week ago, and in order to preserve that knowledge, I had to make sure everything, or as much of it as possible, played out the exact same way as in the original timeline.”

“Original timeline?” Alex asked. “Kara, are you saying you’re from the future? Because that’s what it sounded like you were saying at the DEO and that’s what it sounds like you’re saying now.”

Kara took a drink of her tea, then looked up at Alex. “Sort of,” she said. “It’s complicated, and I’m not a Time Master, so…” she shrugged.

“Time Master?” Alex asked.

Kara reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m too sober to have this conversation,” she said. “Where’s J’onn?”

“Back at the DEO,” Alex said. “He’s… Vasquez quit. The moment you cleared the base’s radar envelope, she stormed into the training room and ripped into him. Her girlfriend tried to defend him, and Susan told her, ‘You can pack your shit and get your ungrateful ass out of my apartment.’ Then she threw her badge in Hank’s face and just stormed out.”

“/.,rao, i dovrrosh/” Kara said, and reached into her pocket, digging out her phone. “Konex.”

“Yes, Lady Kara,” the robot replied as it decloaked.

“Hack the DEO’s computer and pull the personnel record for Susan Vasquez, then add her to my phone as a contact.”

“Kara! You can’t-“ Alex started.

“Done, Lady Kara,” Konex said, cutting Alex off.

“Thank you,” Kara replied, tapping the contacts icon on her screen and calling Susan.

“Hello,” Susan said.

“Hey, Susan, this is Kara.”

“Um… Hello, ma’am,” Susan said.

“Anyone who quits their job for me gets to call me Kara,” she said, “especially if they toss their girlfriend out in the process.”

“You heard about that?” Susan asked.

“Just now,” Kara said, “or I would have called sooner.”

“I appreciate that. Um… Don’t take this the wrong way, but how did you get my number?”

“Probably not a conversation for an unsecure line, but I want to ask you a favor.”

There was an annoyed sigh on the other end of the line. “What would that be, ma’am?”

“Go back to work,” Kara said. “I’m going to go back eventually, once my sister and Hank have finished removing their heads from their asses and finished apologizing and maybe done a bit of groveling. I could really use someone there I trust.”

“I… I appreciate the compliment, Kara, but I’m not really sure I’d be welcome back and honestly, I’m not sure I want to go back.”

Kara nodded. “Okay. I suppose that’s fair. Tell you what. I live in Hammersmith Tower, apartment 4-A. Do you know where that is?”

“Yeah,” Susan said. “I used to drop your sister off on nights when she was too beat up from training to drive herself home. I only live about ten minutes away.”

“Cool. Tell you what, I will phone in a pizza order at Antony’s. You know it?”

“You have to ask?”

“Not really, but I wanted to be polite. I’ll pay for it. Swing by, listen to what I have to say. If you don’t want to go back to your old job once I’m done, I’ll make a few calls. I might not be able to find you anything in National City, but I know people in Gotham and in Gateway city who will let you name your price.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Susan said, but Kara could hear the gratitude in her voice.

“I feel like I do,” Kara said. “And once I’ve explained why, you might too. Antony’s will probably take their usual thirty minutes. I’ll expect you in forty-five. Fair warning though, Hank and my sister will be here.”

There was a moment of silence on the line, before Susan asked, “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Kara?”

“No,” Kara said. “But honestly, I don’t trust my judgement on a lot of things right now, which is why it’s necessary. I just want you here because clearly, the three of us need some fucking adult supervision.” The sound of bright, happy laughter came through the phone, and Kara couldn’t help but smile.

“See you soon,” Susan said, before the line went dead.

Kara looked over at Alex. “Call J’onn. Tell him I said to get his green ass over here. I’m going to order pizza.”

“I’d ask how you know my favorite kind of pizza,” J’onn said, looking down at the pie in front of him, “but I’d probably just get some cryptic bullshit and I’m not in the mood.”

“No more cryptic answers,” Kara said as she sat a bottle of root beer on the table for him. “I think all of us have had enough secrets to last a lifetime.” She sat handed Susan a bottle of coke. “Sorry I don’t have the sugar sweetened kind but I wasn’t really expecting you.”

“That’s okay,” Susan said. “I drink this stuff at work, anyway.”

Kara dropped into her chair next to Alex. All four of them were sitting around Kara’s dinner table. Alex looked nervous. J’onn looked angry. Susan looked nervous, angry, and a little like she felt out of place.

“So, here’s the deal. I suck at keeping secrets. Not as much as I used to, but I hate them. I’ve only been keeping the secrets I have because there are lives at stake. Not a few lives, or a few dozen, or even a few million. When I say lives are at stake, I mean there are literally hundreds of trillions of lives hanging in the balance, across dozens of universes.”

She watched both Alex and Susan flinch at that, but J’onn leaned back, looking at her and there was a considering look on his face.

“Susan, before I go any further, you deserve to be on the same footing here as Alex and… Hank.”

Susan gave a small nod. “Okay.”

“I have knowledge of how a number of future events are going to play out, because I’ve already lived through the next eleven years. I’m making an attempt to change the outcome of those events in order to prevent a series of disastrous outcomes for Earth and millions of other worlds. Honestly, Susan, I hadn’t intended to read anyone other than Alex and Hank in on this, because I didn’t want to put the weight of this on anyone else’s shoulders. The thing is, I honestly think after what happened the other night, we need someone who’s going to be a *lot* more objective than any of the three of us will ever be capable of to yank the choke chain when we get out of line. Since you are the person I trust the most at the DEO after Alex and Hank and since you’re apparently perfectly willing to call any of us when we have our heads up our asses, I think you should have the job. But if you don’t want it or don’t think you can handle it, tell me now, and I will make those calls about alternate employment.”

Susan rolled her eyes. “Hey, Susan, do you want a job babysitting the immature brats who are responsible for saving the universe? You don’t have to take it, but if you don’t, they might be too busy having a hissy fit to stop the apocalypse. No fucking pressure.” She picked up her coke and twisted the top off, taking a swig before setting it back down. “Please tell me you have rum to go in this?”

Kara shook her head. “I can’t get drunk, so the only thing I keep in the house is Alex’s Scotch and some beer and tequila for Maggie.”

“Think Maggie would mind if I stole one of her beers?” Susan asked.

Kara got up and walked over to the fridge, fishing out one of the Blue Moons from the back. She carried it over to Susan, and used her thumb to pop the bottle cap off. Susan took it and took a long pull from it before she sat the bottle on the table in front of her.

“I’m in,” she said. “I may hate myself in the morning but I didn’t take the job at the DEO for the pay.”

Kara smiled, and turned to J’onn.

“I’ve been calling the tune for the better part of thirteen months, but I don’t want to dictate terms anymore. No more spilling each other’s secrets. If we do this, I need you to make the decision. I need you to be all in.”

“Okay,” he said. He slid back a bit, then stood up, looking down at Susan. “Are you armed?”

Susan shook her head. “No,” she said. “I don’t have a civilian carry permit.”

“Well, at least I won’t get shot,” he said. Then he shifted, gaining height, turning green. “I am J’onn J’onzz.”

Kara rolled her eyes and muttered, “/:zhaolium zw rroskilahres :dhiviao/”

Susan picked up her beer and downed the rest of the bottle.

J’onn shifted back into his human form and sat back down.

“I feel like I forgot to do a presentation for class,” Alex said.

Kara laughed.

“So,” Susan said, looking at J’onn, “I take it you’re not from around here?”

“Mars,” J’onn said. “I’m the last of my people. We were slaughtered by the White Martians. Monsters from the planet’s core.”

“Yeah,” Kara said. “About that…”

J’onn looked over at her. “What?”

“This all starts about twenty thousand years ago,” she said. “The history is long, and I’m not going to go through all of it because most of it’s not terribly relevant, but twenty thousand years ago, Krypton, Mars and Tamaran were allies. Together, the three worlds held dominion over a sphere of space almost fifty thousand light years across, and we were expanding. At the time, Kryptonians had powers even under the light of a red sun. Then the Guardians and their Green Lanterns came. They broke the alliance, smashed our civilizations, and drove all three of us, Krypton, Mars and Tamaran back to pre-space flight technology. They infected Kryptonians and Tamarans with a plague. Kryptonians were left unable to fully process the less energetic light of Red Stars, while Tamarans were left unable to process anything less than ultraviolet light to fuel their powers. Martians though, didn’t use light to power their abilities, so the Guardians split the race, dividing them into Green Martians, which were as they were before, and White Martians.”

“It took thousands of years of being trapped on our world, but Kryptonians eventually began to branch out, and spread through the galaxy again. This time, not as conquerors or as empire builders, but as diplomats, scholars, and when necessary, as enforcers of the law. This was fine, except the Guardians noticed that Kryptonian physiology, already highly adaptive, was starting to overcome the plague. Another four or five generations, and my people’s power would have been restored.”

“The Guardians wouldn’t allow that to happen. Almost a century back, they contacted the Coluans of the Brainiac clan who Krypton had been employing for centuries as cybernetic administrators. They are beings who can exist within the cybernetic realm and mold it to their will, and who can also take physical form which is very nearly a match for a Kryptonian in yellow sunlight. The Guardians hired them to murder Krypton, and to make it look like a suicide.”

“Minor changes here and there to mining plans, the introduction of slightly corrupted mining technology. The core chain reaction was carefully planned and calculated. My world was Murdered.

“At the same time, knowing that Earth was progressing rapidly and would likely reintroduce interstellar travel to Mars within a couple of centuries or so, the Guardians provoked the White Martians into a genocide of the Green Martians.

“The Tamarans, the least powerful of the three allies, have been kept tied up for centuries in never-ending civil wars, many provoked by the Guardians’ agents.

“The Guardians knew there might be a handful of survivors, but what they failed to take into account was how desperate some of us would be to save our planet and they certainly didn’t count on my Aunt Astra discovering a portion of the Anti-Life equation.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said, “the what?”

“The Anti-Life equation is a mathematical formula which robs all sentient life of the seven primal emotions. Rage, greed, fear, will, hope, compassion and love. Myriad is the anti-hope function. Hope is a wellspring. You cannot have will without hope. Deprive a being of hope, and they become a mindless slave, devoid of any drive. The Anti-Hope function is at the core of the Anti-life equation. But Myriad can be broken, because it is just one of the seven functions. If someone were to possess all seven, then they would have absolute control over all sentient life in the universe.”

“Your aunt has this?” Susan asked.

“Only part of it and without the other six functions, the Anti-Hope function is easily defeated. Especially since it has to be constantly repeated into the minds of the victims to keep it fixed there. Block the signal transmitting it, and you defeat Myriad, make people feel hope and you burn away Myriad’s ability to affect them.”

“The only way to protect against the full Anti-Life equation is to have its opposite, the life equation, permanently imprinted on your mind.”

“In the timeline that I’m from, J’onn died to protect my and Superman’s minds. He used his telepathic abilities to imprint us, but the strain of the effort killed him. Fortunately, I still carry that protection, and I’ve since found a way to imprint Superman without requiring a Martian to do so.”

“Well, that’s certainly good news,” J’onn said.

“You have no idea,” Kara said. “Thirteen years ago, I went on a blind date. The guy ditched me after about fifteen minutes, but I heard that a flight to Geneva, the flight Alex was on, was having engine trouble. I left the bar and barely managed to catch the plane. It was sloppy. Otto Bender bridge was damaged and had to be closed for nearly three weeks while it was resurfaced and recertified for traffic. An engine fell off and the debris crashed through the roof of a store, causing a fire that burned a strip mall to the ground, and it took them nearly a month to fish the plane out of the middle of National City Bay. Two days later, the DEO shot me out of the sky, and I woke up locked in Kryptonite handcuffs, and found out Alex was a member of the DEO and met ‘Hank Henshaw’ for the first time.”

“I made mistakes,” Kara said, closing her eyes. “So many mistakes.” She started talking, telling them everything, from her first fight with Vartox, through the moment she woke up after carrying Fort Rozz into space. Somewhere around the Black Mercy, she felt Alex take her hand, squeezing it gently as the tears flowed down Kara’s face as she described the life slipping from Astra’s body. Then there was Red Kryptonite, and Cadmus, and Non deploying Myriad, and her carrying Fort Rozz into space. She’d barely covered a year of the future, and she could see the exhaustion on everyone’s face.

“Cadmus was bad,” she said, “but it was almost a distraction. We spent all that time fighting it, fighting to protect the alien refugees, not knowing Fort Rozz was still the real danger.”

“What about dad?” Alex asked.

Kara shook her head. “I… I killed him.” She ignored the soft gasp from Alex. “Cadmus has done things to him, turned him into a cyborg, twisted his mind. He showed up with a lump of Kryptonite embedded in his chest, and destroyed the CatCo building. He killed James and Cat. Winn survived because he was working at the DEO as an agent by that point. I tried Alex, I tried everything, but after he killed Eliza… I knew he wouldn’t want to live like that, and when he started for you, I ended it.”

She took her hand out of Alex’s and picked up a napkin, wiping the tears off her face. “I don’t think you ever forgave me,” she said. “I know you tried, but I think it was just too much, and there wasn’t time. We’d barely finished burying the dead when the Guardians arrived.” She shook her head. “They got here while we were literally still putting out the fires from Cadmus. We didn’t know they were here at first, but then the Third Army appeared, and everything just went straight to hell.”

“They decided that humans would be the basis for the Third Army. It was like an infection. One of them would touch a human, and the conversion would take seconds. By the time it was over, nearly two thirds of the population was just gone. India was empty, most of China, huge swaths of the rest of the world. When we broke the power source of the Third Army, everyone who’d been converted just crumbled to dust.”

“That’s when Darkseid hit us,” she said. “He’d been sitting out there, waiting at the edge of the Solar system. The fights were fast, hard, brutal. Alex and Maggie took down Granny Goodness, which… Be impressed. She’s the one who killed Superman.” Kara turned and looked at Alex. “You didn’t make it though. Either of you.”

She turned to Susan. “You held the DEO longer than anyone thought possible. They had to send Kalibak himself to break down the doors.”

“In the end, we lost. Darkseid had found Fort Rozz and Myriad. That had given him everything he needed to finish deriving the Anti-Life equation. Sara, Barry, and I, along with a dozen others, spent the next nine years doing everything we could to stop them, but in the end, we knew the only way to stop the war was to prevent the war from ever happening, and the only way to do that, was to prevent Myriad from ever being deployed.”

“Sara was the captain of a Time Ship called the Waverider. The original Captain had died in the war. We had a White Martian on our side. It was enough. They brought me back to last September, the night I moved into this apartment. The Martian used a telepathic booster to allow her to tear my consciousness from my future self’s body and force it to merge with my younger self.”

“That’s… quite a story, Ms. Danvers,” J’onn said.

“You don’t believe it,” Kara said.

“You have to admit, it’s a lot to swallow,” J’onn said.

“It’s the part about the White Martian, isn’t it?” Kara asked.

“That and the part about the Guardians of the Universe.”

Kara nodded.

“What if I could provide you with proof?” Kara asked.

“That would be a good start,” J’onn said.

“Konex,” Kara said.

“Yes, Lady Kara,” the robot said as it decloaked.

“Contact Kolex. I need the caskets.”

“Yes, Lady Kara.”

A moment later, there was a bright glow in the empty corner where Konex usually hovered when in stealth mode, and the robot drifted over and picked up a large featureless white case off the floor, and carried it over to the table, setting it down in the middle. Kara reached up and pressed her hand to the top, and the surface glowed briefly where she touched it, then the top split lengthwise down the case, and the upper half of the case folded down, half on each side of the bottom, revealing three smaller cases. Each of them was hexagonal, with solid end caps connected by a translucent center section. Inside each was what looked like an old-style lantern, and an ornately-carved signet ring. One of them was a deep, angry red, another was the bright, brilliant blue of the sky on a new day, and the last was a soft, warm violet that felt like safety and home.

J’onn, one moment, was sitting at the table, and the next he was standing five feet back from his chair, eyes fixed on the red case as if it might explode at any moment.

“What are you doing with that?” he asked.

Kara looked up at him. “My best to never take it out of the case,” she said.

“You shouldn’t have it on this planet,” he said.

“I agree,” Kara said, “but we’ve both done things we aren’t proud of J’onn. That’s one of mine.”

“Um…" Susan said, “either of you care to fill in the unenlightened?”

Kara nodded. “Sit down, J’onn.”

Slowly, reluctantly, he returned to his seat.

“The Green Lantern Corps is one of nine different factions that have similar abilities,” Kara said. “Eight of those factions use rings as the focus for their powers. The ninth uses a staff. These are power rings and their power batteries.”

“The violet one is one of the Star Sapphire rings, created by the Zamarons and bears no connection to the Guardians of the Universe. The Blue Lantern Rings were created by Ganthet and Sayd, who had broken away from the Guardians and lack the back doors and other traps built into the Green Lantern Rings. The Red Rings were created by the demon Atrocitus, forged from pure rage and christened in blood.”

Kara took a deep breath, tearing her eyes away from the red case. “There are seven base emotions common to all sentient life. Anger, desire, fear, will, hope, compassion and love. Each emotion is connected with a color. Red for anger and rage, orange for desire or avarice, yellow for fear, green for willpower, blue for hope, indigo for compassion, and violet for love. Hope is the strongest of them all, but impossible to wield without will. Red rage, and the violet light of love are the extreme ends of the spectrum. The further you move from the center, from green, the more the rings can influence the person who wields them.”

“I have these, because I can wield them. Red, Blue, Violet.” She looked up, right at J’onn. “If I put on one of these rings and I use the telepathic link to show you what I’ve seen, will you believe me?”

“And if I say no?”

Kara looks over at Alex. “If I open the violet case, that ring will not even hesitate,” she says, before turning back to J’onn. “That would be on your head.”

“Wait,” Alex said, “what do you mean?”

“The rings,” Kara said. “They chose the person who best embodies the emotion they channel. If I open that violet case, that ring will go straight for you.”

“Me?” Alex said.

Kara nodded. “I have seen you on the edge of destruction, seen you fighting as you were literally torn apart and in all that, the one thing that never faltered was your love.” She reached up, putting her hands on the violet cask. “But I wouldn’t wish that on you.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked.

“The further you get from the center of the spectrum, the greater the influence the ring can have on you. Love is a powerful emotion. It can overwhelm you, consume you just as easily as rage, if you let it.”

“You’ve worn one?” Alex asked.

“A violet ring? Yes.” Kara said. “It was no more pleasant than the red ring. Not for me.”

“No,” J’onn said. “No. If you wear the ring, Kara, that’s enough.”

“Now wait a minute,” Alex said. “If that thing hurts her-“

Kara reached over and put her hand on Alex’s. “I’m not going to wear the violet ring,” she said. Alex relaxed, and Kara reached up, touching the Blue Lantern Emblem on the blue case. The top slid off, and the blue ring lifted up out of the case, hovering for a moment until Kara reached up and took it gently, sliding it on her finger.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers of Krypton and Earth,” a loud voice echoed through the room, “you have the ability to instill great hope.”

Blue light poured out of the ring, quickly covering Kara from the neck down. The outfit was not so different from her regular Supergirl costume. The parts of the suit that were normally red were replaced with white, the yellow trim on the El coat of arms was black, the blue was brighter, more vivid, and the Blue Lantern emblem sat above and to the right of the El coat of arms.

Kara pointed the ring at the Blue Power Battery.

“In fearful day. In raging night. With strong hearts full, our souls ignite. When all seems lost in the war of light, look to the stars, for hope burns bright.”

It was close to 2 AM by the time the rings and their power batteries were safely back at Sanctuary and Alex and Susan left. J’onn lingered, still sitting at her table, holding a mug of coffee and staring into the black liquid as if it held the answers to all his questions. Kara walked from the door back over to the cupboard, and dug out a pack of Chocos from behind a box of vanilla wafers.

“You going to sit there all night?” she asked as she sat the cookies on the table and slid them over to him.

He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay,” she replied.

He shook his head. “No, it’s not. I... I’ve gotten so used to mistrusting people, to having to hide who and what I am. I hurt you after I promised Jeremiah-“

“J’onn,” Kara said, “it’s okay.” She reached out and covered his wrist with her hand. “You and Alex… Look, I loved my father. Zor-El was wonderful, he really was, and Jeremiah was too, but in the time I knew you in that other timeline, you were more of a father to me than either of them. Watching you die sent me to some really dark places. Before that, I’d only killed six people. None of them gave me a choice. After you died, I walked into the armory and I put on that fucking ring and I let my rage out. I lost it. I tore through entire divisions of Apokoliptians and Parademons and I didn’t leave anyone alive. I did things, horrible, horrible things. It was like the Red Kryptonite all over again, only I was stronger, more powerful, and I was able to direct my rage at the people I *wanted* to hurt.”

“I did it because it was easier to hold on to the rage than to live through the grief of losing another father. I did it because I was afraid that if I let myself feel *that*, I would never come back from it. Alex, before she died, she talked me into taking off the ring. Talked me into letting one of the Blue Lanterns cleanse me of its power. But even the blue ring couldn’t take away my anger, my fear, and my grief.”

“You have known Alex for two years. You’re closer to her than you want to admit. You already care about her like she’s your daughter. But me, I deliberately held you at arm’s distance, refused to tell you things that could have helped. I did this. I gave you reason not to trust me. I thought it was for the best, but I was wrong.”

“The thing I’m having a hard time with, is you knew about the bomb,” he said.

“I did, and I was scared. What if I’d done enough to make them decide to use a larger bomb, to make them not care if it looked like an accident? I was terrified. But everything hinged on being able to make contact with Astra, with convincing her not to deploy Myriad. And I knew I’d been able to catch the plane before. It was a risk, but I honestly believed it was less of a risk than sending Alex out into the field on any given mission. And Supergirl is important. That she’s out there helping, doing good. If Myriad does get deployed, Supergirl and the hope she will inspire are the surest ways to protect this world.”

J’onn sat his coffee down, and tore open the pack of Choco’s, eating one of the cookies slowly. “I really got to live out in the open?”

“As much as you wanted too,” Kara said. “Honestly, you mostly stuck to your human form, but you were out there with me, J’onn J’onzz, flying through the skies of National City helping people.” Kara smiled as she reached over and took one of the cookies. “They called you ‘The Martian Manhunter’.”

J’onn smiled. “I like that,” he said.

“I know. I swear I never told Cat that though.”

He laughed. “She does like naming Superheroes, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Kara said. “I-“ she stopped when she felt a faint vibration in her pocket. She reached down, and pulled out the spy beacon.

“I’ve got to go,” she said.

J’onn nodded. “Kara…”

“Yes?”

“Be safe.”

Translated from the Kryptonian

,rao, i dovrrosh

Literal: Rao's Shadow

Semantic: Oh, hell

:zhaolium zw rroskilahres :dhiviao

Literal: Fucker who habitually seeks glory

Semantic: Fucking Drama Queen

#supergirl #supercat #supercanary #sanvers #fanfiction #the shape of things to come #kara danvers #alex danvers #cat grant #maggie sawyer #sara lance #j'onn j'onzz #susan vasquez #lois lane #clark kent #james olsen #winn schott jr.#future shock

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Are There Republicans On The House Intelligence Committee

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/are-there-republicans-on-the-house-intelligence-committee/

Are There Republicans On The House Intelligence Committee

Gop Delay In Naming House Intelligence Committee Members May Have Cost Mueller

Republicans On House Intelligence Committee Call On Adam Schiff To Resign

WASHINGTON House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., formally named the nine Republican members of the House Intelligence Committee Wednesday, ending a weekslong delay that may have cost special counsel Robert Mueller valuable time to act on potential leads the panel could offer just as he appears close to wrapping his investigation.

Democrats now in the majority on the Intelligence Committee had vowed that one of their first acts would be to authorize the release of more than 50 witness interview transcripts to Mueller to aid in his probe. At the least, members have said they had reason to believe some witnesses lied to the panel, something that has already led Mueller to bring charges against Trump allies.

It is likely that Mueller and his team of investigators have had access to the committees transcripts, two sources familiar with the matter tell NBC News. But while the committee voted unanimously last September to authorize the release of redacted transcripts of most of their Russia-related interviews, the then-GOP majority rejected a Democratic motion to provide all transcripts, including classified materials, directly to Mueller.

Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif., chairman of the committee, told NBC Wednesday that even if Muellers team has seen the transcripts, they have been limited in what they could do with that information.

Schiff said that Republicans had done own party a disservice in waiting so long to name members.

House Intel Republicans Plan To Wall Off Their Aides From Democratic Staffers

In a sign of increasing partisan hostilities, Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee plan to construct a wall — a physical partition — separating Republican and Democratic staff members in the committee’s secure spaces, according to multiple committee sources. It’s expected to happen this spring.

For now, some Republican committee members deny knowing anything about it, while strongly suggesting the division is the brainchild of the committee’s chairman, Devin Nunes, R-California.

“I’m not part of that decision,” said Rep. Mike Conaway, R-Texas. “You’ve got to talk to Devin. I don’t know what they’re trying to do one way or the other.”

“I swear to God I didn’t know that,” said Rep. Tom Rooney, R-Florida, when asked about the plan. While acknowledging a wall might not be constructive for the committee’s work, he said, “The level of trust and the level of everything down there is — it’s poison. It’s absolute poison down there.”

Rooney said one reason for the tension is an erosion of trust, exacerbated by an ongoing ethics investigation into the “entire Republican staff,” including “the woman up front that answers the phone” for alleged leaks. He later added that the matter was being handled by the Office of Congressional Ethics.

Bipartisanship, he said, “is gone. It’s gone from that committee.”

The ranking member of the committee, Rep. Adam Schiff, D-California, does not want to see a partition built.

United States House Permanent Select Committee On Intelligence

Seal of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence History Jurisdiction Purpose to “oversee and make continuing studies of the intelligence activities and programs of the United States Government” Oversight authority

Strategic Technologies and Advanced Research Subcommittee

Counterterrorism, Counterintelligence, and Counterproliferation

Intelligence Modernization and Readiness

Defense Intelligence and Warfighter Support

Website .gov

The United States House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence , also known as the House Intelligence Committee, is a committee of the United States House of Representatives, currently chaired by Adam Schiff. It is the primary committee in the U.S. House of Representatives charged with the oversight of the United States Intelligence Community, though it does share some jurisdiction with other committees in the House, including the Armed Services Committee for some matters dealing with the Department of Defense and the various branches of the U.S. military.

The committee was preceded by the Select Committee on Intelligence between 1975 and 1977. House Resolution 658 established the permanent select committee, which gave it status equal to a standing committee on July 14, 1977.

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Devin Nunes Republican Of California The Ranking Member

Mr. Nunes, 46, who led the committee until Democrats reclaimed the House this year, came under pressure and stepped aside from the panels inquiry into Russian interference in the 2016 election after the House Ethics Committee announced it was investigating accusations that he had disclosed classified intelligence reports. His home newspaper, The Fresno Bee, called him Trumps stooge after he sought to release a secret Republican memo that suggested the F.B.I. and the Justice Department abused their authority to obtain a warrant to spy on a former Trump campaign adviser. Mr. Trump calls Mr. Nunes an American hero. A former dairy farmer, Mr. Nunes has also made headlines for , .

Cowardly Clarification: Adam Schiff Says The Essence Of Muellers Testimony Is That Trump Is Unpatriotic

Rep. Adam Schiff weighed-in on Robert Muellers disastrous testimony Thursday afternoon; saying the essence of the former special counsels testimony is that the President is unpatriotic.

Rep. Adam Schiff: “Even though was reluctant, as you can imagine, to provide the soundbite ‘the President is immoral, the President is unpatriotic,’ that is the essence of what he had to say.”

The Hill

He was a reluctant witness Even though was reluctant, as you can imagine, to provide the soundbite the President is immoral, the President is unpatriotic, that is the essence of what he had to say, clarified Rep. Schiff.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi doubled-down on her Obstruction of Justice accusations against President Trump Wednesday evening; saying the American public must understand what President Trump is trying to cover up.

As we legislate for the good of the American people, we are also investigating to make sure that Americans have the truth and understand the gravity of the threat to our democracy. They must understand what is trying to cover up, posted Pelosi on social media.

Nancy Pelosi

Speaker Nancy Pelosi: “The American people now realize more fully the crimes that were committed against our Constitution.”

The Hill

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Mccarthy Sought Democrats Removal Following Axios Report About Suspected Chinese Spy

Rep. Eric Swalwell, D-Calif., walks inside the Capitol on Feb. 10.

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WASHINGTON The House has dismissed a Republican attempt to remove California Rep. Eric Swalwell from the House intelligence panel over his contact more than six years ago with a suspected Chinese spy who targeted politicians in the United States.

Democrats scuttled the effort from House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy, 218-200, after he forced a vote. His resolution against Swalwell cited information, first reported by;Axios,;that the suspected spy, Christine Fang, came into contact with Swalwells campaign as he was first running for Congress in 2012. She also participated in fundraising for his 2014 campaign and helped place an intern in his office, the report said.

Federal investigators alerted Swalwell to their concerns and briefed Congress about Fang in 2015, at which point Swalwell says he cut off contact with her. Authorities have not charged him with any wrongdoing.

McCarthy requested his own briefing about Swalwell after the Axios report in December. After the briefing, which was also attended by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, McCarthy said he thought Swalwell should be removed.

Swalwell has been one of Trumps sharpest critics, and served as a House impeachment manager during the former presidents second impeachment trial last month. He briefly ran for president in 2019.

Republicans argued then that Democrats shouldnt decide who Republicans appoint to committees.

Eric Swalwell Democrat Of California

Mr. Swalwells short-lived presidential campaign has raised his profile, and he is a frequent guest on cable news shows. A staunch critic of Mr. Trumps foreign and immigration policy, Mr. Swalwell, 38, also serves on the House Judiciary Committee, which means that after hearing evidence against Mr. Trump, he will also participate in drafting impeachment articles. Donald Trump is going to be impeached whether it is by the ballot box or Congress, Mr. Swalwell said this year. It will just be a matter of which one comes first.

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Russian Lawyer At Trump Tower Meeting Had Closer Ties To Kremlin Than Previously Disclosed

Democrats contend a more rigorous investigation would have shown otherwise. In their Minority Views report that was also released Friday, they point to a strong possibility that then-candidate Donald Trump himself was communicating with his son as he worked to schedule the now-infamous Trump Tower meeting in June of 2016 with Natalia Veselnitskaya, a Russian lawyer.

Their report also details how George Papadopoulos, dismissed by Trump advisors as a low-level coffee boy, was regularly in touch with Kremlin-linked individuals and top Trump officials during both the campaign and transition. Papadopoulos was informed in April 2016 that the Kremlin had dirt on Clinton in the form of emails, well before the Clinton campaign or DNC officials were aware of hacking.

And the Democrats findings include efforts by the Kremlin to establish a first contact with the Trump campaign through an intermediary at the National Rifle Association. In May 2015, the NRA member reached out to Rick Dearborn, a longtime aide to then-Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala., now the attorney general, to inform him of Russias interest in connecting with the campaign.

For reasons that we can discuss in person or on the phone, the Kremlin believes that the only possibility of a true re-set in this relationship would be with a new Republican White House, the NRA member wrote in an email turned over to the committee. Putin is deadly serious about building a good relationship with Mr. Trump.

Top Gop Lawmakers Call For Swalwell To Be Removed From Intelligence Committee

Top Republican on US House Foreign Affairs Committee says Taliban holding Americans

Top Republicans in the House are calling for Rep. Eric SwalwellEric Michael SwalwellOvernight Defense & National Security Milley becomes lightning rodThe Hill’s Morning Report – Presented by National Industries for the Blind – Schumer: Dem unity will happen eventually; Newsom prevailsHow lawmakers aided the Afghan evacuationMORE to be removed from the Intelligence Committee following reports that he was allegedly targeted by a woman believed to be a Chinese spy.;

In a letter sent Tuesday to Speaker Nancy Pelosi

Because of Rep. Swalwells position on the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, his;close;interactions with Chinese intelligence services, however unintentional they may be, are an unacceptable national security risk, they wrote.;

It said the panel handles some of the most sensitive information our government possesses,” and that as a result Swalwell should be removed from his position.;

Axios first reported that Swalwell had been targeted by an alleged Chinese Ministry of State Security operative named Christine Fang, who also goes by Fang Fang. The woman, according to the report,;helped Swalwells fundraising during his 2014 reelection campaign and she also helped place an unpaid intern inside his office.;

The lawmakers said that Swalwell should be held to the same standard as Sessions, arguing that his interactions with the Chinese agent were more dangerous.

Fang left the country in 2015 during the FBI investigation into her activities.;

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Officers Give Harrowing Testimony On Their Experience Defending The Capitol On Jan 6

Pelosi previously rejected two of the five Republican members originally selected for the panel by House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy Rep. Jim Banks of Indiana and Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio citing “statements and actions” made by the pair that she felt would “impact the integrity of the committee.” Both Banks and Jordan had publicly expressed concerns over the panel itself.

“The unprecedented nature of Jan. 6 demands this unprecedented decision,” Pelosi said.

McCarthy called Pelosi’s move “an egregious abuse of power” and pulled all of his five picks from the panel, announcing that Republicans will conduct their own separate investigation into the Capitol attack.

Here’s a closer look at the panel’s nine members.

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Val Demings Democrat Of Florida

Ms. Demings, 62, is the no-nonsense former chief of the Orlando, Florida police department, the first woman to hold the position. The youngest of seven children, she likes to tell the story of how she was born in a two-room wood-frame house in Jacksonville to parents of very modest means; her mother worked as a maid and her father was a janitor. Like Mr. Swalwell, she is also on the Judiciary Committee, which means she will both listen to evidence and help draft any impeachment articles. In questioning witnesses, she often draws on her law enforcement experience.

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House Intelligence Committee Releases Full Report On Russia Investigation

WASHINGTON The House Intelligence Committee on Friday released the final full report on its controversial investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election, detailing work that led Republicans to conclude there was no evidence of collusion with the Trump campaign.

Democrats on the committee said the final 250-page document only shows the lengths to which GOP leaders went to shield President Donald Trump and his top allies from scrutiny, and used their own rebuttal to introduce to the public new information about repeated Russian efforts to establish contact with key Trump campaign officials and Trump himself.

And they say Republicans refused to press key witnesses for further testimony or documentation that might have further established the Trump campaigns complicity in an effort to tilt the election against Hillary Clinton.

Mccarthy Tasks House Intelligence Republicans To Investigate Nsa

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy directed Republicans on the Intelligence Committee to investigate the National Security Agency over concerns of “politicization.”

There has been a “disturbing trend” at the agency, the California Republican said Wednesday, following the Biden administration’s move to sideline Michael Ellis, a top NSA lawyer picked by former President Donald Trump, extending to this week when Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was being spied on by the NSA.

“Earlier this year, I sent a letter to Secretary of Defense Austin expressing concern over the politicization of the Agency through the sidelining of Michael Ellis as NSA General Counsel,” McCarthy said in a statement. “I asked that Mr. Ellis be reinstated and expressed my concern regarding undue political influence in NSA placing Mr. Ellis on administrative leave.”

MATT GAETZ CALLS FOR INSPECTOR GENERAL INVESTIGATION INTO TUCKER CARLSON NSA ALLEGATIONS

“The NSA cannot be used as a political instrument, and House Republicans will ensure accountability and transparency,” he added.

McCarthy also insisted the agency has “refused to deliver information requested by the Republican Members on the House Intelligence Committee.”

The latest incident outlined by McCarthy broke into the public eye on Monday when Carlson said a government whistleblower told his team the NSA is “spying” on their electronic communications and is “planning to leak them in an attempt to take this show off the air.”

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House Shoots Down Gop Leaders Effort To Eject Eric Swalwell From Intelligence Panel

The House shot down a bid from the Republican leader Thursday to kick Rep. Eric Swalwell from the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence over allegations that a Chinese spy raised funds for his congressional campaign years ago.

Democrats rejected the resolution from House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy on a party-line vote of 218 to 200, in which three Republicans voted present refusing to take a stand for or against McCarthys measure. Those Republicans were Reps. Kelly Armstrong , Michael Guest and David Joyce .

McCarthys resolution sought to oust Swalwell from the intelligence panel over the fact that he has not denied public reporting that a suspected Chinese intelligence operative helped raise money for his campaign and helped interns seek potential positions in his congressional office.

The resolution marks an escalation in McCarthys campaign to see Swalwell removed from the panel, which began in earnest late last year when the allegations about Swalwells ties to a suspected Chinese operative known as Fang Fang, or Christine Fang, first emerged in a story in Axios.

The speaker and minority leader appoint members to serve on the Intelligence Committee without the formal input of other members.

Leading Democrats again defended Swalwell on Thursday in the face of McCarthys latest move.

Every Democrat is now on the record, he . They chose politics over national security.

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