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Merlin is kind of like a dog to Arthur. I mean this in all of the good and all of the bad ways.
#but that is mostly bad. on account of the classism/general dehumanization#idk if it���s subtle to other ppl 😭 but he just doesn’t see Merlin as a full person with an equally (or moreso) complex life and mind#he also cares for him deeply simultaneously. hence the dog-like treatment#and that is majorly because he sees Merlin as a ‘simple servant’#b/c even if Merlin didn’t have all the ✨ magic ✨ going on… he is still a complex person deserving of dignity#Arthur literally won’t make the mental jump into that because Merlin hasn’t ‘proven’ that he’s ‘more’ than a servant#he doesn’t get promoted to advisor at the round table whilst everyone Arthur deemed worthy was promoted to the knighthood and Gwen to queen#Arthur still doesn’t see him as a very good physician. he sees Merlin’s worth/place as a human being as… someone there to serve him (a king)#which also implies that Arthur sees himself worthy of being served and of the excess power + wealth he has#(ie. Arthur’s skill as a king and warrior justify a disproportionately higher pay that comes thru taxation of the poor)#at the same time he cares deeply for Merlin. he certainly doesn’t want Merlin to die (barring 1x01 and 5x13). but#there’s such a severe lack of *respect* for Merlin. such a simplification of Merlin that Arthur is happy to continue imagining.#like lbr. that’s the real reason he never figured Merlin out — the image he made and kept of a ‘simple-minded fool’#no matter how wise or brave he was. no matter how many times he saved Arthur’s life.#merlin emrys#arthur critical#bbc merlin
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so like do people understand there's a difference between "i dislike this thing because it's cliched" and "i dislike this thing because the person who made it personally bullied a friend of mine, used their platform as a big name fan to send their own fans after other people in similar ways, harassed one of the hermits off tumblr, and made the fandom incredibly inhospitable to anyone who didn't align with Their Specific Opinions" or
#the fic itself was mid. i have read it. i'm not a fan of the author's godawful attitude#and the way that entitled attitude has poisoned fandom to this day#so you'll forgive me if i dislike a fic that's held up as one of the greatest things of all time#on account of its author being just absolutely godawful to the people around them#and genuinely setting back the fandom several years in terms of overall maturity and conduct#and all this for a fic that is just... solidly mid. the h*rry p*tter of fics really.#salt#txt#orig#misc#anyway i cannot believe i had to unfollow someone over this but i draw the line at being called ignorant over disliking this thing#as though i don't have an INCREDIBLY GOOD REASON for doing so.
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Mmph. It’s been a while and I didn’t realize I would still be excessively annoyed/affected by people with negative things to say about my OTP, but I am, I guess.
If it helps to add context, these comments were on a post where an account had reposted (without permission) some sweet gift art of the ship made especially for me, so I may be inclined to take it more personally for that reason. >__>
#I wish big accounts who repost art without permission a very Stop Fucking Doing That#I extra hate it in this case ;; my friendship with the artist is founded on mutual love for one of the charas depicted (Belaf)#she drew my OTP as a super sweet thankyou gift (the full version that isn’t online and was only sent to me has my name and a rat on it ;; )#and now I have to see people reply to it misunderstanding the characters and disliking the ship#i know I shouldn’t care but I’m feeling a little low this weekend so I am affected lol#hopefully I’ll stop caring tmrw#I really want to focus on the joy they bring me instead but I’m feeling a little sensitive#there’s lovely art of them I’ve received this summer as a gift and as a commission and I want to print those pieces out for my bare walls#I’ve received several gifts of them over the last two years. all should go on my wall! need to focus on the good#it just feels so personal and mean when ship criticism is left as a reply to art that was literally drawn for me by my friend as a gift lol#orphan hole tag
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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Unfortunate news..
so.. i'm just gonna go ahead and let everyone on here know, that unfortunately, due to me not being able to access my school email anymore, i can no longer log into this account on my phone, which means that I most likely will not be very active on here for a while. However, i do have another Tumblr account that y'all can go ahead and go check out if you'd like!:) @that-0ne-shr00mi3 <- here is the account, go ahead and go check it out, it's going to be my alt for now, or at the very least until school starts up again, i have already followed everyone from here on there as well so dw about that, i will most likely just be reblogging my posts from here onto there, but i will stay logged into here on my laptop. (unfortunately that will be the only thing i am logged into this account on for now.. but that's not the point.)
In other news, I have my phone back, it is working, unfortunately i had to factory reset it which is what signed me out of all of my stuff in the first place:/ Anyways, ty for reading my ramble, go ahead and check out that other account of mine, I will try my best to continue working on posting things for y'all, that will most likely be where i primarily post from for now, at the very least until school starts again. If anyone wants to interract with me at all, that's who you should @ (seriously pls-) uhhh... anyways! ty for reading this, have a good day/evening/night, happy pride month, and don't forget to eat/drink water!<3
(One final note, imma @ the people who i interracted with on a regular basis/who @ me in a lot of things rq so they know what's up-) @boots-with-the-fur-club @phoebepheebsphibs @bookish-karina @iobsesswaytoomuch and @daboyau
#shr00mi3 rambles#trying my best here y'all#it will be several months most likely before i'm able to sign back into this account on my phone..#anyways-#have a good day everyone
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Don't you find the strict rules of society in Japan overwhelming for you and the kids?
not one bit
#i can’t express how safe i have felt here versus the US over the past several years specifically#no guns… good healthcare… clean environment… good childcare benefits… good food…#no strong religious chokehold permeating society#vaccines and masking aren’t a moral conundrum#functioning public transportation system#functioning postal system#don’t have to worry about people randomly yelling at you#many convenience stores open 24/7#focus on seasonal eating so produce tastes better and you appreciate it more#i can walk the streets at night#in my city all childcare costs and child medical costs are waived up to 3 years old#cost of childbirth fully covered including a week long stay in the hospital after#you can drink the water#early public education has a focus on community and natural science#credit cards are automatically set up to autopay out of your bank account#my company does my taxes for me#did i mention no guns?#i could go on#like i have my philosophical issues with the country for sure but my base needs are covered and that means a lot as a parent
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haha oh no im definitely not at all disturbed by the prevalence of leftists on all platforms who are loudly 'anti-genocide' when it comes to the palestinian cause (and a couple others at best :3c) yet the only time ukraine [ʊkrɐˈjinɐ] leaves their mouths is in critique, in stark comparison to the former or in complaint about their (american) government sending aid.
at first what i saw often was pointing out the differences in western media framing [ukraine vs palestine], and that's fair (until the words and the agenda of western journalists are used to paint, as a whole, ukrainians who have been actively going through genocide as some kind of white supremacists hogging the blanket of global attention when they kinda just want to live and have the rights to their own land, culture, names and families)
but no one is even caring to do that anymore, today bitches just invent metaphorical scenarios and people to get mad at and to throw an entire ethnos away because wahhhh i decided that you care for X but not for Y!!!.... all while doing the exact thing they are condemning. the exact absolute same and they don't even hide it but do lack the self-awareness to realise
#'ohh i saw white people still go out to rally for ukraine' yeah have you considered they are ukrainian or have ukrainian loved ones or uh#simply have humanity in their heart to care about several humanitarian tragedies in the world?#this is both aimed at a post i saw on here and at SEVERAL. MANY. twitterians with a thousand palestine flags all over their accounts spewing#misinformation hate and sometimes straight up russian propaganda tactics because they're this fucking insane#i don't care about sounding nice anymore by the way. i know my heart lies in the right place and i have the capacity to care about more than#one ongoing genocide of indigenous peoples#removed incidents of bad actors having a ukrainian flag on their backpack doing hateful shit does not somehow okay dismissing a genocide you#so vehemently claim to oppose. they are not ukrainians who are getting bombed on the daily for years#i saw a very lovely 🍉🕊️ lady denying holodomor and using literal russian talking points while patting herself on the back for being such#a good person. i saw one of the most popular leftie accs on twitter be actively anti-ukraine and using slurs. luckily we mass reported them#and they're gone#i'm no longer being careful with my words because i don't want to be misconstrued. i know my values go beyond twitter and tumblr#if i catch you in any way undermining the genocide of ukrainians or only bringing it up to point fingers and bitch i am blocking you forever#don't care how far this post might go cuz of ppls questionable use of the search function. and i didn't care to censor anything#like. masks off. just block me if this is your rhetoric
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Solas isn't the only one rolling into DAV with new purple eyes.
Celeste learns the hard way that irresponsible use of necromancy has lasting side effects - like seeing spirits of the dead 24/7.
(This girl is gonna find peace after this game, I swear. She's retiring at 27.)
(Super pumped that she can be in DAV though! Closure. Hopefully.)
#i think she looks more like her father as she ages#which might be alarming to dai companions#another ghost#she has fallen out of the Mortalitasi's good graces#on account of several “borrowed” books that have gone unreturned#also they did not approve of her undead dragons#nobody did#oc: celeste trevelyan#dragon age oc#inquisitor trevelyan#da4 spoilers#dav spoilers#da4
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Whoopsie time
#vent tw#cw vent#I'm stupid to have dropped out of college#now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do#Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me.#I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown#Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now.#My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it#references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it#nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether#I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me#I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it#I shouldn't have left#I loved college#I loved SELU#I loved my life back then#And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore.#Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself.#Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it#I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account.#I just feel like I failed.#I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be.#Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time.#Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty.#I could've been more#i could've done better#[[out of ammo]];; ooc
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barnes and noble has been raising the prices of everything and further pushing for their premium membership option (which they raised the price of by 60 percent this year!) and then when they have big sales events, they're less than what they used to be.
last year at this time you could get one of their leather-bound book annex tomes for $12.50 (without a member discount) because of the 50 percent off all hardcover sales. but they raised the price of those tomes from 25 bucks to 30, and they decreased the sale from 50 percent off all hardcovers to 1/3rd off. so that same book that was $12.50 at last year's end-of-year sale is now 20 bucks. and that's supposed to be savings enough to induce me to walk into one of their stores this week?
i'm sorry but b&n has just gotten so greedy, even though their business has only been doing better and better in previous years. they do not have to be raising prices like they have been, and they can damn well afford to have the same savings events they used to. if you went to one of those hardcover sales a year or two ago, even if you lived in a less populated area like i do, you had never seen a b&n so busy in your life. things were flying off the shelves. they WERE making bank.
and as a company they've only been growing and growing (as much as the publishing industry has been, in recent years). but there are so many other ways to buy books. CHEAPER ways to buy books. MORE SUSTAINABLE ways to buy books. and since books and booksellers are doing really well right now, i don't see why barnes and noble is getting so greedy when they don't have to be. i dont like new shiny books that much. people buy books for the content, ultimately. sometimes we as consumers might make the choice that a new shiny book is worth paying a bit more for, but not that much. barnes and noble has just been demanding more and more of their customers' money for less and less benefit.
#kaily and i shared a membership account for several years but she cancelled it over the summer#bc of them raising it from 25 dollars per year to 40. i'm sorry but we just were not spending enough to make that worth it#the benefits for a member used to be 10 percent off everything in-store and free shipping online.#now it's 10 percent off everything in-store AND online with free shipping. which sounds good enough#but not for a 60 percent pricehike. and a bunch of other supposed benefits no one would ask for#like a free tote (geez. thanks. yeah i really need a free tote every year) and like. a free treat at a cafe on your kids' birthday?#i dont have a kid.#between the two of us. we were not buying 400 dollars worth of stuff at b&n every year#oh and it's also 10 percent off the in-store starbucks. but im pretty sure that USED to be a benefit they had#years ago?? like i SWEAR ive gotten money off at the b&n starbucks so i guess they got RID of that at some point#and gave it BACK when they HIKED UP THE PRICE TO 40 BUCKS A YEAR#text post#barnes and noble#it's a shame bc where i live. barnes and noble is the only like fancy bookstore#and i live in an area that my barnes and noble... is like. what a boston barnes and noble eats for breakfast.#it's two floors. there are plenty of books that it doesn't have. plenty of sections that are very small#like the poetry section is just pathetic. i look at it every time i go and it just makes me sad.#i guess a lot of the book annex stuff contains poetry but still that's not really enough to entertain a rich interest in the genre for long#i outgrew the limited selection at my own local b&n poetry section by the time i was twenty. i was like i already know everything here.#which isn't to say i'm an expert in poetry. it's to say that the poetry section is barely bigger than a shelf#in fact ive never thought about it before but I OWN more poetry books than you'll find in the poetry section#at my local b&n. lol#i have a lot of nostalgia for b&n even though it is a big company that does not love me. i have very few books i bought new#that are not from barnes and noble. i got so many books that changed my life from them#i guess it's like a childhood/teenage attachment at this point bc ive had more mixed feelings abt the direction theyve been taking#for several years at this point.#and no i dont mean that theyve been expanding to selling more toys/games etc. theyve literally always done that in my lifetime. who cares.#they still have books#as an adult ive been more capable of seeing how limited their book selection is and how i have so many problems w that.#and it ultimately comes down to them being a big greedy company
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hey guys hope everyone's doing well. unfortunately if you cant tell my writing career for kpop boys is on pause because i figured out that im a lesbian and got really into women's basketball but i figured id at least post to show signs of life
i might come back ... one day....but it depends. either way yall are the realest and i love you dearly <3
also to everyone in my inbox saying they miss me i miss u too muah muah
#cinna.txt#there are several fics in my drafts that are soooo good and i have an itch to finish them but idk if i'll find that motivation#specifically this HUGE shb fic that i started literally during boys planet. its my personal bedtime story and i want to get that out one da#so it can hopefully be everyones bedtime story#also this hyuck fic that ive literally had in my drafts since this account STARTED so#heart heart
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10 likes and I open a fourth personal instagram account that I actually use to connect with family, friends and acquaintances
#FOR CONTEXT#i've had a private account since 2014 when nobody here had ig#so i connected with fandom friends there and posted in english and i used to post a lot. at 24. i also follow interesting accounts there#obviously cannot use that for irl friends and family#then i have an account for my business that i haven't updated in over two years bc i don't have time#then i have my bookstagram account which is also a no-no on irl friends and family#there are several reasons i've resisted getting an 'irl account'#one of which obviously is that i already have THREE ig accounts. two i actively keep up with#but i'm always out of the loop with what my irl friends and family are doing#also i hate how fake social media is and seeing the good side of people's lives isn't good for me lol#so... yes/no?#i'd mostly post old travel photos and be selective about who i follow tbh#(also fyi anyone's welcome to follow me @rebel.recs where i post about books but also daily things sometimes)#(and if you're a mutual @pushingdessy but i don't update often)
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"...Walsingham, the monastic author of the St. Albans Chronicle, was by far [Alice Perrers'] harshest contemporary critic, who in his venom has (somewhat ironically) left us with the longest and most detailed account of her background and personality, her influence as Edward’s mistress, and her subsequent trial. He describes Alice as a shameless lowborn meretrix (a word variously translated as mistress, whore, or harlot), who “brought almost universal dishonour upon the king’s reputation […] and defiled virtually the whole kingdom of England with her disgraceful insolence.” Although Walsingham was not always accurate and, specifically in this case, clearly heavily biased against Alice, he nevertheless provides a truly contemporary account, and his importance as a source should not be underestimated. Likewise, the anonymous monk of St. Mary’s York recorded that in the Good Parliament the Commons (represented by their speaker, Sir Peter de la Mare) stated that it “would be of great gain to the kingdom to remove the said dame [Alice] from the presence of the king both as a matter of conscious and of the ill prosecution of the war.” During the same assembly, the bishop of Rochester, Thomas Brinton, preached from St. Paul’s Cross that “it is not fitting nor safe for all the keys of the kingdom to hang from the belt of one wife.” Although the word wife (uxoris) is used, it is widely accepted that this is a reference to Alice.”
-Laura Tompkins, '"Edward III's Gold-Digging Mistress": Alice Perrers, Gender, and Financial Power at the English Royal Court, 1360-1377", "Women and Economic Power in Premodern Courts" (edited by Cathleen Sarti). Italics by me.
#alice perrers#historicwomendaily#my post#edward iii#@ anon who asked me how much faith should we put in Walsingham's account of Alice#Walsingham is undoubtedly vicious and prejudiced (and thus not always accurate - perhaps deliberately so) where Alice is concerned#But he is also a direct contemporary eyewitness and is thus invaluable as a source. His importance can never be emphasized enough.#More importantly however - the image of Alice as a transgressive woman with improper influence who 'hijacked' the kingdom#is not merely painted by Walsingham or limited to his account#It's how these other sources - the monk at St. Mary's and the Bishop of Rochester - depicted her as well#('it is not fitting nor safe for all the keys of the kingdom to hang from the belt of one wife' is pretty telling in more ways than one)#as did contemporary literature of the time like Chaucer's 'Wife of Bath' and William Langland's Lady Meed in 'Piers Plowman'#the whole point of the Good Parliament & the Parliament after Edward III's death was to simultaneously restrict her influence & punish her#So...I'd say Walsingham's image of Alice (unfortunately) tracks with how she was widely perceived at the time#Of course that doesn't mean that this image shouldn't be reassessed and recontextualized#Misogyny and classism very demonstrably played a huge role in how Alice was regarded by contemporaries#Ormrod has also pointed out that no matter the extent of Alice's influence she would ultimately always be limited by the practical#reality of being a woman and a commoner#'Her sex and status simply did not allow her the regular and acknowledged access to power enjoyed by politically ambitious male favourites'#It is not impossible that she was 'a symbol rather than a cause' of the crisis in Edward III's late reign#And of course it's true that WERE people who defended her publicly and privately even after Edward's death as Walsingham himself admits#She can't have been as universally detested as most people think#(we should also consider Walsingham's deriding comment about her 'seductiveness' ie: she was probably very witty and charismatic)#But ofc none of this change the fact that Walsingham's image of Alice's 'impropriety' transgressiveness was a widespread one#Nor does it change the fact that this image was fundamentally rooted in the very real and impressive power she had#Alice WAS proactive and acquisitive and wildly influential (Edward III listened to her over several of his own children ffs)#She DID have more power and visibility than any other royal mistress in medieval England#She DOES seem to have acted in ways that would have been perceived as 'inverting queenship'#*That's okay*. Alice's actions & image should absolutely be recontextualized and given more sympathy than they are#but I have absolutely no intention of diminishing or downplaying them either. That's why I love her so much.
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Back in the UK (not home until tomorrow) with better internet to post pictures, so here's some African five-lined skink from holiday
Plus bonus Spot the Skink minigame for everyone
#life of sponty#skink#lizard#African five-lined skink#i think this species was in breeding season as k#i saw several individuals fighting and one pair mating while i was there#i just like lizards man#fond of that second pic because it looks like a lizor chilling under the world's tiniest iterator can#n.b. there seems to be a lot of variance in pictures of this lizard on iNaturalist so id is not 100%#but seems good enough#most of the individuals i saw seemed to have lost their tails and regrown them which would account for the dull or absent blue
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youtube
// babygirl cringe compilation
#💢 ( 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕝𝕕'𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕕𝕒𝕕 | eric )#// the Bit™ of never ever getting a happy ending is excruciating after a while even though it's less Severe in the second season))#// love love this show to death but having a guy who by all accounts is just a Good Dude trying his best and getting fucked over regardless#// is cathartic yeah very much so but its also sad as hell and hard to watch a lot of the time..especially the “last” episode#// 'au pair' was aired out of order). the ending to that was the only thing i really hard retconned cause...come on man. come on dude.
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tagging hayden’s photos with ed tags is extremely irresponsible. stop it.
#evidence of life#ethel cain#what the hell you guys#tagging anyone w/ such is ofc but this is what i mostly see as a smth smth horror religious regional gothic literature lifestyle girlblogger#like i’ve had up to here with some of y’all#there’s also a certain style of blogging that seems to go with these accounts so i have to ask#who are you performing for? what are you trying to emulate? what is /your/ personality? who /are/ you?#like no offence you’ll never be an it girl if your goals are to be carbon copies of your perception of it girls sorry to say but it’s true#y’all make me want do that charm school idea that had years for similar reasons#like y’all wack let me teach you some etiquette and inspire you to have your own signature#we cannot progress with all the same parts mary#tempted to tag ethel cain core n preacher’s daughter bc those are the tags that i’ve have beef with since about late fall 2022#that’s when the daughters of cain had a huge shift i feel i have several hypotheses about why and no i’m not going to completely blame ty#TT*** ughhh it’s more about expectations of musicians n fan culture when most are familiar with industry baby performers#maybe if someone gives me likeeee $10 or $20 dollars i’ll post my essay lite posts (girlblogger opinion and analysis time like i intended)#at least i’m still posting SL related stuff and the motif tags but yk ://// i’ll regain the confidence i know it#like your mum suck me good in my jorts fr#edit: lost some followers after posting this lol this is what did it or was it my tags looks like i’ve got to do another bitchfest either wa
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