#and just. aloud to myself.

[chemblrish]

11 March 2024

I was surprised that my solutions didn't crystallize over the past week to which my thesis supervisor said lightheartedly that it's normal and that he once waited for something to crystallize for THREE YEARS. I hope my solutions know I need to graduate some day.

[takethelx3]

WIP I'm not going to find time to finish bc busy. Sad.

[unironicallycringe]

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

[cobra-wives]

serious philosophical question; should one of us kick the bucket?

small comic page thingy for the INSANE fic that is zelotypia by @terrence-silver - i definitely recommend giving it a read! so much interesting perspective on that ponytail-kreese-twig trio goodness; and terry’s inner workings and detestment for everyone that john loves more than him!

[thegreatyin]

as a mr cards player i agree with people saying it should lock me out of things. if we ever have a major storyline directly dealing with revolutionaries or a similar anti-bazaar faction the devs should make my job specifically harder because im a master of the bazaar while meanwhile the guys who actively went against and/or murdered one of them get bonuses in my place. it would be just as much enrichment to me as it would other people who did other ambitions i prommy

[nyctoheart]

The other day I was feeling so lost in my gender and overall self perception, feeling like I don’t even know myself anymore, I don’t know what I like or want, and the harder I try to grasp onto any visual for me to assign as a “goal” (gender/taste/style wise) the more it slips through my fingers and I just feel more lost and unsure

but then I started thinking “I wonder if I spend more time with friends, if I’ll start regaining myself again. Maybe bouncing against other people will make me see similarities and differences between me and others, and I’ll slowly start realizing who I am as a person again.”

and THEN I thought about Joshua’s speech in DDD, where he says “By ourselves, we're no one. It's when other people look at us and see someone--that's the moment we each start to exist.” LIKE… SO TRUE BESTIE!!!!

[muzzlemouths]

hey. hey. has anybody made a They Are Just Animatronics au. like......... theme park/disneyland/state fair adjacent but they don't walk around the park. they stand at positions in rides and say lines or make poses as the ride goes past and then when the ride closes they just do whatever. has anybody done that yet. they're literally animatronics. Hello. is this thing on—

[bearbaitbf]

inspired by my inbox as of late <3

[coconut530]

SISSY FIGHT

[curious-chaosmagiic]

i don't know if this makes any sense but i've always gotten fem any and all forms kinda vibe from aphrodite

like she exudes femininity but in all forms, trans fem, cis fem, nonbinary fem leaning, something something

idk i was looking at my altar and started thinking of her, and how i haven't seen a lot of art of her depicted in various ways (for me she feels ever changing? i've never met her but i feel like if i did she wouldn't have a "set" appearance and i'd probably see her take the appearance of various different people but i would know it's her based on vibes alone)

just witchy thoughts, maybe i was made to think of her to remind me to take care of myself

[jojo-schmo]

My old Good Omens art from 2019-2020!! :O (In somewhat chronological order)

In the interest of sharing my art in one place, I thought I'd revisit this era of my art! I made much more traditional art at the time. But I like thinking about the evolution of my skills over the past few years.

Director's commentary below:

I believe the first four images are from 2019, when the first season of GO came out. Boy, did that show come out at a good time for me! I was in a deep art slump that had lasted for a few years at that point. Long story short, because of untreated depression and a chronic illness that brought me physical pain, I didn't get everything I wanted to get out of college classes and I was deeply self-conscious of my skill level. I knew I wanted to tell stories but I was frustrated that I seemingly couldn’t make my ideas come to life at all.

Being alive was very difficult for me at the time and I was fighting my own dark and negative thoughts that I directed towards myself constantly. I didn't see a psychiatrist until the Spring of 2020, and only then did things start getting better. If I had to describe it, it's like a storm in my head finally cleared. The weight on my shoulders lightened up a lot. I had enough mental clarity to gain more self-awareness and really work on myself. And that included my art. And it shows a little in the last few drawings.

(Side note, I am much, much better now. Medication and ongoing therapy has completely changed the quality of my life. I am very happy to be here!)

Anyway, I was making efforts to get better at drawing after college by taking Aaron Blaise's online art classes. (Side note, his class on drawing human anatomy helped me immensely!!) But it was just the beginning of a long art improvement journey!

But I see the stiffness and insecurity that was still present in my art from that time. Whenever I shared it on Twitter (which was my main social media at the time) I'd be lucky to hit ten notes. It didn't bother me all the time, but it did get discouraging as time went on. Until one day I decided to just deal with it. Whatever the reason was that nobody was seeing my art- whether it was due to the Twitter algorithm or if my art was just not appealing enough. I was going to keep drawing. If nobody clicked the like heart on my art, fine! I was going to keep throwing it into the void anyway and see what sticks. If it got ten likes or one I tried not to care as much.

My transition from drawing what I thought other people wanted to see, to drawing what made me happy, made a huge difference. Likes and reblogs do feel really good, but I'm happy to hear even what one person likes about my work. I try to keep that mindset with me as much as I can. And I'm not perfect at it. But it helps me a lot.

Of course that transition in my mindset was gradual. Took place over a few years. But I realized lately that I have a confidence in my art that I've never had before. And I'm really happy about that!!

All this to say, whether you've been drawing/writing for ten years, one year, or a few months, it's always nice to remember where you came from and far you've come.

Looking back, I wish I could tell my past self that her best was yet to come. And I still have a long way to go but I'm excited to see what I can make in the coming years!

If I had one preachy piece of advice to offer as a final note, remember that the ability to draw and write is an awesome skill to have. A skill that not every human being has. But a skill that can be developed and cultivated over time if nurtured. It's a beautiful thing to me, to be able to create something that didn't exist before. Something that only you can bring to life. And while it might not resonate with everyone who sees it, it might resonate with one person. And I love that. So when you can, create things that make you happy, the happiness might just be contagious to its viewers. <3

...I think I should draw some more Good Omens sometime soon. I miss those guys and they are dear to me :)

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

i should read more poetry. i should get a decent voice filter and read poetry out loud. obsessed with how the meaning and feel changes by the pronounciatuon of a single word. i need someone to read poetry to ahhhhh

[angelpuns]

Mmm thinking about trying Patreon again even though I will inevitably get burnt out and never want to draw again - like on one hand I have all the time in the world rn but on the other hand making comics my job would inevitably make me hate drawing comics-

Part of the reason I stopped working on rural au/Finch in the Window was because trying to update consistently was killing my motivation and the reason I'm able to work on L330-N au rn with such fervor is because I know I get to work on Kid Lek next and vice versa. Plus there's the like- 3 additional, non Au comics I need to work on

Idk its a thought but at the same time its probably going to be worse for me in the end - plus I don't really have any other things to put on patreon and early access simply doesn't exist for me.

[todayisafridaynight]

heya pal

[elephantbitterhead]

pedantry

'Confused for' is becoming America's own personal 'different to'.

[villain-in-love]

muahaha so at the end after thistle gets attacked by the winged lion. his desires got eaten right? including his desire to resist any bad thing that someone else wants to do to him. Idk you could probably write something really cruel and sexy about that.

ALSO im so glad we share a source now <3 i was actually thinking itd be so cute if our s/is interacted!! if that’s possible. i dont know what kiera’s situation is (like who is she what is she doing down here how did she meet thistle) but cath is just a normal adventurer hanging out in the dungeon sometimes?

- @minkymeatshop

Ah, the Winged Lion incident... I’ve been thinking about that for quite some time, actually.

But I have to disappoint you – I don’t think I would take advantage of Thistle’s loss of desires. To say that Kiera wasn't happy about Thistle's current condition would be a major understatement.

That is to say, there’s still plenty of suffering potential for this pair post-canon.

But first, I think I should talk a bit about Kiera separately. Good news: if your s/i is an adventurer, then they can surely meet.

To make it brief, Kiera is a 302 year old half-elf mercenary who decided to fight depression by getting addicted to adrenaline. She stands out thanks to her strategic talents, use of magic, and most likely illegally acquired regeneration abilities.

Kiera descended into the dungeon when it first opened, hired by the local authorities to explore it and to hunt down the Lunatic Magician, but it’s been years since anyone last saw her on the surface.

Technically, she also used to have a party – there was an entire team of distinguished warriors and scientists hired alongside her, but her companions long since abandoned her. Kiera doesn't mind it – despite how boisterous and eccentric she is, she has always been a loner.

Anyways, she’s a bit intense, but friendly. She wouldn’t mind hanging out, but probably not for long – she’s doesn’t like taking companions as they just slow her down. From the information you have given, I think Kiera would like Cath, mostly because she would find her interesting. However, she might try to provoke her to a battle... I think it would be fun to imagine how they would interact, but I really need to know more about your s/i first.

Now, when it comes to Kiera's relationship with Thistle, I must say that she never hated him. Her reasons to antagonize him and try to kill him are a bit more complicated. Also there were multiple stages to their relationship, their attitude and approach towards each other changing with time.

No matter how much she didn't want this to happen, by the time of the manga timeline, Thistle is Kiera's only friend, her favourite enemy, and the person she loves the most.

So to answer the question of "why did she try to kill him?" Well, at first she was just doing her job. But in later years she was only half serious. On one hand, she used "I'm trying to kill you" as an excuse to just start a fight because that's her way of entertainment. On the other hand, she was seriously trying to force herself to kill him to sever this unfortunate attachment, to protect her freedom and her peace of mind.

Everything else she did – hurting him, pushing his buttons, or just teasing him – was done because she finds Thistle's personality fascinating and she wanted to study his reactions. And he's oh so reactive. Fun thing about Thistle is how honest he is – he's bad at hiding his emotions, and he doesn't hold back when expressing his opinion.

So when Winged Lion ate all his desires... There's no point in doing that anymore. She sees no point in hurting him when he won't fight back or avenge himself, or even react at all. And honestly, she's scared of doing something wrong that could only worsen his condition. Because she wants her tiny menace to society back, and she will do everything in her power to bring him out of this state.

I can say that there’s still a lot of possibilities for suffering, since from now on things will be… difficult (well, things were already difficult before, but in a different way). Now, to name a few...

First of all, Kiera was also traumatized by Thistle being eaten. Thistle she fell in love with is expressive, powerful and driven. He's got a strong personality and a bitchy attitude. So seeing him so apathetic and passive was disturbing.

Imagine seeing your only friend being reduced to an empty shell. He's breathing, his eyes are open, he's probably even conscious, but he's completely unmoving and unresponsive. I think that when Kiera first saw him in such state she was close to a hysteric, trying desperately to wake him up. Made even scarier by the fact that no one at that moment knew what exactly Winged Lion did to him.

To think about it, if Kiera got really desperate, she could try doing something drastic to try and force some kind of reaction out of Thistle, hoping that maybe some violence might shake him out of his catatonia. But it is likely that she would just make things worse for them both.

Also! Since being devoured by the demon strongly parallels sexual assault and includes violation of the body, Kiera would have to be very careful with any future intimacy because it is possible that the wrong action might trigger him. Made even worse by the fact that Thistle lost his desire to resist so she will have to be super vigilant to read his reactions and know when to stop... And now I want to write a fanfic when something does go terribly wrong like that. Make it a smut that just turns into psychology halfway through.

But that kind of scenario will most likely happen at least 20 years into the future, when he's conscious and functional enough to gain an interest in sexual intimacy.

(Similar to what I said earlier, I'm not into dub-con or non-con, because I'm not interested in sexual activities if my partner doesn't show equal enthusiasm.)

There's also some misery reserved specially for Thistle: post-canon Kiera stayed in Melini, refusing to leave his side, yet she obviously misses the battlefield and is bored staying in one place. I imagine that realizing that now he finally has a person who loves him and will not leave him, but at the same time being stuck here because of him makes her miserable... Yeah, there's definitely quite a lot of guilt and maybe even self-hate here. Especially considering how Thistle always seemed to hold the happiness of his loved ones as the highest priority (even thought with time he stopped understanding what makes them happy)...

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Anyways, here's a cute picture of Kiera made in picrew because I'm too depressed to draw:

(The face of a girl who will sneak around your house, drink your liquor, and read your diaries when you aren't looking)