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#and learn how to respect others boundaries
roe-and-memory · 2 days
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lightnings love language is 100% quality time and here is why you should agree
- salqueen resting at home, late in the evening, hes listening to music and shes doing paperwork — he can take off his headphones and put them on her whenever he hears a song that reminds him of her
- lightning learning sallys hobbies so he can spend time with her doing stuff like baking — aka he sits down on the counter and watches with fascination and adoration in his eyes
- hes not as prone to overstimulation when sally needs physical affection (her love language is physical touch) because they respect each others boundaries and giving him Space makes him more lovey-dovey
- just them laying in bed or laying in a field talking for hours on end about Life and about Each other
- them going on walks out into the desert to look for fun little rocks and stuff, basking in each others presence
- picnics at the wheel well motel where they just playfully poke fun at one another and talk about how amazing it would be to renovate the motel; what they would change and what they would turn it into
- theyre more open and its easier to talk to one another, theyre so comfortable hearing each others voices that talking about literally Anything is possible; they know one another better than any other person in the world
this is only a few reasons… i fear i cant spoil much though :3
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yandereunsolved · 1 day
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Imagine polyamorous Malon and Time with reader. Reader had been friends with them both since they were young. You always had a crush on Time, but realized Malon did too. Perhaps you harbored some non-platonic feelings for Malon. You never allowed them to flourish because both of them seemed like soulmates. Little did you know that, as they became a couple, they wanted you to join in as well.
They had both stalked you since you were kids. That's when Time and Malon really bonded. They became lovers, and their hearts still ached for you to be theirs as well. Their mutual obsession caused them to miss your feelings for them as plain as day. They kept putting off marriage because they wanted you to love them. 
Eventually, your feelings came out, not because you told them but because they read your journal. 
"Link, they love us."
"This is perfect. The three of us can be a happy family."
They approached you with the idea, and your fate is sealed. They baby you; you are their little house spouse. They love each other and you more than the entirety of Hyrule. They would lay down their lives for you. So they make sure you don't leave the house. They don't allow you to do any hard labor. If you are even feeling the slightest bit off, then you must rest all day and allow them to cuddle you. 
They are mostly respectful of your boundaries. The only time they cross them is if you try to escape or injure yourself.
(afab) They both want you to carry a baby. Malon wants to be pregnant, but she'll let Time impregnate you first. She doesn't want to be pregnant at the same time as you because then she wouldn't be able to give you all of her attention. Her body would be so busy creating life that she'd be neglecting you. Both she and Time just want to dote on you. You'd look so precious with a swollen belly full of babes that all three of you would raise together. 
(amab) Malon and Time want you to be the one to give Malon her first child. Time does call dibs on the second one, though. They chuckle and tell you that they have been planning this for a very long time. Malon would just be over the moon to have a mix of her and you in her womb. She just wants to hold the baby in her arms and coo about how much it already has your personality and features. She'd be even more honored if you took care of her while she was pregnant. You would do that for your wife, right? If you aren't very skilled with it, it's okay. Time is right there alongside you. He's learning how to take care of a pregnant woman as well. If you do your best, then both will reward you for it.
(infertile) Adoption... kidnapping a child is what they'll do. Anything to keep you tied down to them. So many children need a good home; they'll make sure you have one of your own, blood or not.
Escape? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They will not allow it. Both realize that Time is better equipped to track you if you escape than Malon. If you escape and Malon can't find you, then Time will always be there to drag you back to Lon Lon Ranch, where you belong. He'll stop the entire Chain just to get you back.
They just love you so much. ♡
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Fanfic Friday: fic recs!
Hiii everyone, happy Friday! I forgot that I made a post like this ages ago for fanfic Friday, but I’ve read a bunch since then so here are some recommendations of Good Omens fics I’ve enjoyed recently:
“Heaven isn't built to house a love like you and I” by ItsScottiesStark
Rating: T
Length: 37,291 (8 chapters)
Summary: They did it. They stopped Armageddon. They survived.
This was it, the first time they were actually free to finally figure out what their side entailed.
Aziraphale is a being of love. Always has been. And now, all the love he has for Crowley is free to flow from the edge of his fingertips to the demon's, in a gesture that could only mean one thing; I'm with you. I'm here.
As much as his hands itch to reach out for the love of his existence, his words seem to fail him, time and time again. He knows Crowley deserves more than gentle hand holding and forehead kisses in the dark. He aches to scream his love from the top of his lungs, for the whole world to hear. And the demon knows it.
And he waits. Because he'll wait forever for Aziraphale. Because he knows they are meant to be one.
This one is great at immediately grabbing your attention. It starts on the bus during that scene towards the end of season 1 where Aziraphale holds Crowley’s hand, which very smoothly leads in to this theme of physical contact and how although they’re both unfamiliar with it, it’s secretly something they both long for from the other. Without spoiling too much, they sort of subtly lean into this desire for physical affection in a way that’s incredibly sweet yet almost tragic with how hesitant they are at the start of it. You can tell that they want so desperately to let the other know how much they care, but they still don’t know if the other is on the same page (so “he waits. Because he’ll wait forever for Aziraphale.”). This writer is really great at conveying how much they really love each other, highly recommend!
“Twin Suns” by IneffableDoll
Rating: T
Length: 7,291 words (3 chapters)
Summary: “I thought you were gone,” Crowley mumbled, and it was almost cliché, it was almost the kind of sentimental rubbish he would’ve moaned at had he heard it from someone else. But they were the rawest words he could manage. He’d thought Aziraphale was gone. That was all, and it said everything.
***
Directly following their celebratory meal at the Ritz, Aziraphale and Crowley clash with the feelings that struggle to settle after everything they’ve been through. And, in so doing, learn to rely on and communicate with each other in new ways.
Similar in concept to the previous one I mentioned, this fic takes place after the events of season 1. They get into some real honest conversations (something I love reading in fics because the characters in canon are not at that point yet and I am HUNGRY for some emotional honesty from them), and something I really love about this one is how patient they are with each other. In chapter one Crowley says that he’s not ready for this conversation, and Aziraphale respects that. Without spoiling too much more, they’re both super careful with the other’s boundaries as they kind of start to think and talk more about the love they have for each other that they’ve never really gotten the chance to explore until now. I absolutely love how they take things nice and slow, attentive to how the other is feeling about all of this. This kind of love is a new concept for the both of them, but they wouldn’t want it with anyone else, and so they try. And I think that’s beautiful.
“Icebergs and Angels” by The_Bentley
Rating: T/M (two versions)
Length: 23,498/24,929 words (8 chapters each)
Summary: It's 1912 and Aziraphale, not wanting to be lonely during his mission aboard Titanic, invites Crowley along for a cruise. But he boards the ship before knowing exactly what his mission is. When he learns Heaven wants to teach humanity a lesson for the claim even God couldn't sink it, it could damage his relationship with Crowley, who has his own views on Heaven's need to punish innocents. Can he repair things with Crowley and can they work together to save as many lives as possible?
The concept of this one is so cool, and very much something I could see actually happening in the show as another historical flashback/mini-sode. Aziraphale is given a mission from Heaven that entails many humans losing their lives, he’s obviously not on-board with that, and Crowley is there to help him save as many human lives as possible because, as much as he’d hate to admit it, he really is a nice demon who very much disapproves of Heaven’s disregard for human life. Throughout this one you get to see how the two of them interact with the humans, all while Aziraphale is battling this inner conflict of wanting to just go along with Heaven’s orders without questioning it while simultaneously knowing that it’s wrong. The narration is great, beautifully written and I really felt like the writer understands these characters on a very deep level. There are two different versions of this one, both of which are fantastic. I personally felt that the more platonic/aroace approach to Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship in the context of this particular story was more fitting, but if you’d like something a little spicier I thought that the Mature rated one was just as good! (I’m linking the non-spicy version here, but the link to the spicy one is in the summary!)
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trashcattt · 2 months
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PR0SHITT3RS GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG
pr0shitt3rs will be blocked instantly if i find any of them interacting with my art
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spider-man-2o99 · 9 months
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ok so apparently i can just never articulate my Deep Thoughts on purpose and can only do it by accident whilst rambling in the notes of a bookmark where the veneer of anonymity feels like a false-protective coat to hide behind, or somesuch-something like that. idk. anyways. anyways. i don't like how fucking mean-spirited across the spider-verse as a film seemingly is for literally no reason at all other than just bcuz it Could Be. y/k.
#talking tag#atsv#spider-man#spider-man 2099#miguel o'hara#miles morales#suicide mention#suicide tw#& i am talking abt the Actual Textual Content of atsv btw not the Fandom Interpretation of it. bcuz those r 2 different things lmao.#every additional piece of context that we learn abt the behind-the-scenes too. it just. Sours this film to me. like drinking rotten milk#only ONE person outside of his family unconditionally supports miles. ONE. ONE!!!!!!!!!! the whole film!!!!#(obie obie broauwn i hate the AM i hate the PM u will live in my heart for ever)#and Knowing now how much the writers obviously didnt give a shit abt Mig.. it all just reads like that rotten any1 can wear the mask but yo#and that echoes in the narrative disdain for the one other spider-man in the whole movie whose origin is /like miles/.#who DID have a spider-man in his world who died before he got his powers who IS motivated by fear by wanting 2 be good but thinking he cant#You Cant Wear This Mask. The Only People Who Are Like You Actually LIKE You Are Twisted And Wrong And Warped Inevitably By That Wrongness.#Nobody Will Ever Understand What You Have Been Through And You Were Stupid And Naive To Ever Try Otherwise. You Petulant Child.#and the spider society treats miguel like shit like im honestly surprised that was just such a Casual Thing in the movie but no#they microaggress him 2 hell and back they insult him to his face they do not respect his boundaries they flat-out just Dont Respect Him#and he Takes It. of course he takes it. it is Literally All He Knows. taking it and hating himself and knowing that he is Different.#Christ almighty. what a shitshow.
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britneyshakespeare · 8 months
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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crowleyholmes · 8 months
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plantaffinity · 1 year
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It's possible to love both dogs and cats,
It's possible to understand the behavior of both dogs and cats at the same time
It's possible to be good with both animals at the same time
#I get these feelings when people declare theyre a cat or dog person#and theyre so proud to not understand cat behavior or not understand dog behavior#its literally not that hard to understand both behaviors at the same time#Idk I never needed to learn these things#I knew my cat was playing with me when it ripped into my hands#And I loved playing with her like that I didn't care about the scratches#I knew cats didn't wag their tails to show they're happy they don't even wag them in the same fashion as dogs#How can someone even think that dog wag and cat wag looks the same it looks nothing alike#I never thought my cat was plotting evil deeds when sitting still and squinting her eyes#like sure maybe I didn't know the whole story but sitting and squinting is just cute? its not scary#Idk it's not very hard to see when an animal wants to be interacted with or not#cats are just more prone to being allowed to say hi to guests despite their dislike of guests#no one would allow a reactive dog to sit by the dinner table on a chair next to a guest who wants to pet it#Cats are more prone to going up to people to say hi despite not wanting to be touched#that's the only complicated thing about cats because you can stretch your hand out for them to sniff and they will sniff you and then swat#That's the only time I can think of when cats can be confusing#a dog would never be in that situation because humans wouldn't allow you to get that close to a dog that might bite#but other than that I just don't find that it's hard to respect any animals boundaries neither dog or cat
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mammonprotectionsquad · 6 months
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The point I made really went right over their head, huh? Felt a lot like a copy/paste reply since I didn't talk scout crediting at all. When will people finally learn to respect artists wishes? They give you beautiful fanart for free! And yet assholes will still ignore their wishes or not credit them just for some online attention in form of likes. Where will it get them? Exactly, nowhere. Jfc I'm so done with people like that
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shitbrainratface · 1 year
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I want to write a love letter to those with BPD and it will be written in the blood of the people who taught you that you need to heal because you're a guilty monster who needs to hide and control your unfixable self rather than because youre a trauma survivor who needs to unlearn coping mechanisms you grew up with to survive trauma but as an adult only harms you and others now that you're attempting healthy relationships with people who love you
#i dont have bpd but so many people in my life whom I love and cherish do#and almost all of them have been told their recovery needs to be based on fear and guilt and self hate#rather than self compassion and love and nurturing the child in you who never got nutured#a hard lesson i learned is that once you start forgiving yourself and treating yourself with compassion - you will be able to form#relationships easier#not pushing the ''you cant love others until you love yourself'' bullshit bc thats not true#but when you respect yourself enough to be open with boundaries (and be confident enough to speak up if someone accidentally breaks them)#you will form relationships with people who want to and enjoy respecting those boundaries#when you form a good understanding of your own boundaries then other people's boundaries dont feel as scary#when you are compassionate to yourself and your worth - youre able to realize that other people find worth in you even if you dont see it#in yourself#when you understand that your perception of yourself is flawed and heavily based on how you used to be treated#you understand that there is no one correct way to percieve you - and just because you struggle to see why someone is with you#doesnt mean they have that same perspective#its complex there is a lot#but base your recovery on compassion towards yourself and AFTER you start getting a hang of that you can also focus on others#if you go right from ''im a monster'' to ''i need to stop hurting others'' then it will be based on guilt#but if you go from ''im a monster'' to ''im a human'' to ''i forgive myself for how I acted when i was in the worst place of my life''#to ''hey maybe I did end up hurting people but that doesnt mean im evil and horrible it just means i have things to work on'' to#''ok how can I make sure I treat my loved ones with respect and learn the mechanics of a healthy relationship''#then your recovery will be about love and acceptance#not to preach or anything and this isnt to say that this is the right path for everyone bc different ppl do different types of therapy#but yeah i am just distraught at how pwBPD are treated#bpd#mental health#patient abuse#client abuse#ableism#bpd ableism#cluster b ableism
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jotx · 2 years
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the myth that you can live a fulfilling solitary life... we're literally social creatures -_-
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*head in hands* i straight up do not know how kindergarten teachers accomplish anything
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well, I am officially on to season 2 of "Miss Scarlet and the Duke", and based on the first episode at least, the writing does seem to have improved a bit?? this may be a case of First Episode of the Season Syndrome (added nuance and subtlety to kick the season off but immediately dropping back down to mediocre levels until the finale), but I'm hopeful that many of my complaints about the first season won't be as present going forwards!
but also, oww. the end... that was... yikes. my heart hurts now. 😧
#the whole final scene of this episode was fantastically done tho#the acting direction pacing lighting... all of it was //great// and really compounded the emotions of that last bit#and the metaphor of the door between them... both walking towards it and wanting to step through to the other but neither quite able to#and then eventually both backing off and choosing to walk away in the end#it's a great visual symbol for their relationship at this point#and how what they ultimately need is to figure out a way to meet in the middle#but it's going to take both of them committing at the same time and to the same purpose for that to happen#and that is going to be /hard/ for these two to do#despite how much they want to be part of each other's lives#but also!! kudos to Eliza for being so open and honest about her feelings and boundaries!! that was really cool!!#and then leaving the ball in his court and not getting angry and starting an argument when he chose the course he did#(yet. I'm sure there's going to be lots of emotional fall-out to this over the course of the rest of the season.)#both of these people really need to learn some lessons about respect and loyalty and sacrifice for the people you care about tho lol#which I do think is the whole point.#William would see it as demeaning and belittling for her to override his authority or refuse to take orders from him.#Eliza Will Not be caged or dictated to and she wants to be allowed to make her own decisions and follow her own intuitions at whatever cost#she needs to be more careful to consider how her decisions will make him feel (if not how they will make him look)#and he needs to attempt to respect her and understand that her pushing back against him isn't to be taken as an attack#but that he should lean into it and allow her the space to make her own decisions. it's complicated because of the social situation#but yeah. respect is ultimately the thing here. and they both need to learn some more of it lol.#miss scarlet and the duke#gurt says stuff#oh also both of these people are FANTASTIC face actors and it's incredibly fun to watch until it's not anymore#and it's just making my heart hurt because of how much yearning they're both exuding but are both entirely unable to express openly#hhghsghhsghgshgsd
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citrus-soda · 14 days
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who in the fuck in the hell blazed borderline hockey player rpf onto my dash.....
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drchucktingle · 4 months
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THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY
just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.
(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)
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i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.
the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.
i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.
PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE
a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)
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ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.
months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’
turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes
at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)
as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.
fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.
when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM
SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:
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CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:
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well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.
PART TWO: RESCINDED
a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask
right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.
of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered
there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA
first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.
second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.
in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.
TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.
i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.
but here we are.
PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?
this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:
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when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.
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it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?
i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not
my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.
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at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense
PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES
it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say
BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?
is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.
if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.
and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?
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(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)
i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.
you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.
if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.
so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.
THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.
as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING
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AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.
any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?
any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?
let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.
when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.
if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?
or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.
PART FIVE: GENDERED
this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.
if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned
PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY
there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?
i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'
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putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.
i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY
another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions
PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL
i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.
i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)
which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.
if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK
and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME
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KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck
UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:
true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo
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to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love
please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it
MOST RECENT UPDATE:
here is more
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alastors-wife · 5 months
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I am begging some of you to learn the difference between trauma dumping & just venting to the folks close to you this shit is so fucking annoying
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