#and like i have several comfort movies but each of them in a different sort of way

[emotionalcadaver]

Inception really is out here near single-handedly saving me from having a complete emotional breakdown.

[foggyfanfic]

Camilo Analysis

Bruh, who even is Camilo? He is arguably the Madrigal we get the least real characterization for, other than Teenage Boy, which is a very broad category of person. So as per usual, it helps me to get my thoughts in order if I write this stuff down.

First, Mirabel introduces Camilo through song and we right of way see him shapeshift into a young mother so he can sooth her baby while she takes a nap. That's actually a really great way to imply several things about his character (oh my god guys, this movie is so well written).

Thoughtful enough to offer a new mom a chance to rest

Comfortable caring for infants (probs helped care for Antonio?)

More patient than I would have thought, because taking care of a baby while the mother rests is not a quick and easy favor

Sort of implies that he likes kids

Then Mirabel sings he "won't stop until he makes you smile today" while he turns into multiple people and doing goofy stuff. Everybody already knows he's an entertainer at heart but I gotta add it to the list anyways.

5. Likes making people laugh

6. Plays around with his gift a lot

Moving on to Antonio's party, he's the guy greeting all the villagers by name, and he changes his energy to match each person.

7. Knows a lot of the villagers

8. Charming and personable

9. Respects his elders (kisses the old woman on the cheek)

He jokes around with Antonio, probably in an attempt to soothe his nerves, and teases his Pa. This reinforces points one, four, five and six. If this was a different list, I would talk about what it means that Camilo is clearly comfortable teasing his father, despite the seemingly stern reaction Félix has, but I digress.

He stands with Julieta while Antonio and Mirabel walk to the door, giving birth to a lot headcanons about them being especially close, and I'm going to roll with it.

10. Of his siblings, he's closest to Julieta.

Then he's very excited for Antonio as he discovers his room, it's actually the happiest we see him in the movie (other than perhaps when he's dancing in We Don't Talk About Bruno). So:

11. Supportive? Or maybe just enjoys seeing other people happy?

Plot happens, fast forward to breakfast when he pretends to be Dolores so he can get double the food. Then teases Isabela about Mariano, something he does a lot in the movie.

12. Likes food.

13. In his Little Shit era

Fast forward some more, all the way to We Don't Talk About Bruno. He absolutely kills it, and clearly enjoys the whole production. If you're like me and you headcanon that the musical numbers happen in universe then we can conclude:

13.5. Fucking loves living in a musical

And if you headcanon they don't:

14. Enjoys telling stories.

15. Probably hasn't thought through the consequences of telling everybody his Tío is a seven foot tall boogy man that feasts on screams. Which is very normal for a fifteen year old boy.

Teases Isabela about Mariano again. More plot happens. Time For Dinner. Dolores gossips to him as soon as she can, then he immediately gossips to his Pá. When Félix accidentally spits his drink onto Mariano, Camilo has to hold in a laugh. It's possible he doesn't really like Mariano, he keeps making jokes about the guy, at the very least he doesn't take him seriously. I wonder if he's the sort of guy that prefers to hang out with women?

16. Close to his sister.

17. Close to his father.

18. Shapeshifts reflexively/accidentally.

More plot. We see him try to soothe his mother.

19. Takes care of his Má. Pepa is literally unable to hide her emotions, so it would make sense that, through no real fault of her own, the kids slowly learn to take care of her as they grow up. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and all. On the flip side, the fact that sun beams come out whenever they get home from school or learn a new skill probs means the kids can never doubt that Pepa loves them. Plus, she likely has the easiest time transitioning from a parent-child relationship to a parent-adult offspring relationship of all the adults. So Camilo might be growing closer to his Má as he gets closer to adulthood.

The longer the plot goes on the less we see him. He's clearly frustrated with his gift glitching on him, but that doesn't really tell me much. It's a situation that would frustrate anyone and they don't show us how he handles those negative emotions. They also don't show us how he handles hearing the end of Mirabel's and Abuela's argument. Rude. They do show us him leaping to the candle's aid while the house crashes down around him so clearly:

20. Sees the Miracle as more important than his own safety.

The house falls, the candle goes out, in the background we hear him first remark on his gift being gone, then wonder how this will effect his little brother. We already know he enjoys using his gift, I can theorize he's made Being a Shapeshifter an important part of his identity, but all we have that's concrete is:

21: He doesn't just enjoy his gift, it is important to him.

22. Empathetic.

Mirabel runs off, resolution happens, Mirabel comes back. He is the one who cuts through the reunion to point out their house is gone, and even gets a little exasperated when he catches a bit of flack from Félix.

23. Not an optimist. Might be a pessimist, but most likely just not particularly sentimental.

For the rest of the scene he exists in a state of confusion. The hits start coming and they don't stop coming. Apparently Tío Bruno is just suddenly back now? And it kind of seems like half the family isn't surprised or asking any questions?! There's not a lot of conclusions I can draw from him being shocked and confused that Bruno just sort of appeared out of nowhere, I think most people would be. And unlike the parents or the older cousins, he doesn't have enough memories from when Bruno was around to be swept up in the joy of seeing him again. His reaction is relatable and endearing, but not very revealing.

The last character moment we get is when he tries to twirl the shovel around all fancy, almost drops it, then checks to make sure Mirabel wasn't watching. It reinforces things already mentioned, like him being showy, and wanting to entertain those around him, but also:

24. Wants to be seen as cool. Another very normal trait for a teenage boy.

It is interesting that the first person he looks at is Mirabel, I can't help but wonder if that would have been the case at the beginning of the movie. There's room for interpretation there, but regardless, by the end of the movie:

25. Respects Mirabel's opinion.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Green Kitty Cat

Le Request: some Remus and c!Thomas hurt/comfort. Thomas hugs Remus, and because the rat boi is repressed and a bit touch-starved, he kinda has a breakdown while Thomathy hugs him. I mean, this boy is sobbing and clinging to Thommy Salami, and he just isn't sure if this is real or some cruel dream. Maybe it's like Thomas accepting Remus for who he is, including his part in being Creativity? Perhaps a dash of abandonment issues from the Octo Boy 'cause yeah, haha. – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Read on Ao3

Warnings: abandonment issues

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 1720

It’s a strange thing, honestly, having movie nights with several different parts of yourself that happen to be color-coordinated, but all in all, it’s actually not the weirdest thing that could have happened tonight.

The movie ended about half an hour ago, and the Sides had sunk back into the Mindscape to do whatever it is they do when they’re not helping Thomas work through something.

Read: arguing.

Who knows, maybe they argue during their free time as well, but from the sounds of it, there’s a fair amount of adventuring that happens that they don’t deign to share with Thomas. Which is…probably overall a good thing. If he knew every square inch of what happened in his mind all the time, he’d probably go insane. As Janus was fond of saying, it isn’t the mind’s job to figure itself out. No matter how much Logan wants it to be.

He winces slightly at the memory of that conversation. It had ended up with the rest of them awkwardly watching as Logan and Janus traded barbs and counterpoints. Remus even made popcorn for all of them.

Thomas frowns. Speaking of Remus…

Had it been his imagination—heh—or had Remus seemed…a little off tonight? Sure, trying to gauge what Remus’s ‘normal’ was is a challenge in and of itself, but there hadn’t been any spectacularly disgusting or violent things happening tonight. He’d even come wearing pajamas: these green and black fuzzy socks, Spirited Away sleep pants, and a plain black T-shirt. Granted, the shirt had been stained with what Thomas is going to assume is paint, but he’d just sat in the corner of the room quietly while the movie played. Thomas had snuck glances at him every now and then, just to make sure he was still, you know, watching the movie and not plotting to eviscerate Patton’s stuffed animal with a screwdriver again, but every time, he was just sitting there. Very quietly.

It was…unsettling.

Not in the way Remus is normally unsettling, not in the way Remus likes to be unsettling, but he was just…so still. So quiet. So normal.

So something’s wrong.

Was it the movie? They’d picked a pretty unobjectionable one, even by Patton’s standards, and it wasn’t like it was particularly violent or anything. There were snacks, there were drinks, there were blankets and pillows and everything. Hell, Janus made himself a throne of them until Roman picked up the ‘arm’ and it dissolved into a heap. A smile comes to his face at the memory of the two of them playfully fighting over the pillow before Logan snatched it for himself.

That’s right…Logan and Patton had sat next to each other, Virgil sprawled across the floor between them. Roman had perched on the corner of the couch. Janus sat at the base so he could lean against it. Thomas had sat sort of in the middle of everyone, and Remus…

Remus had been alone.

Did…is that what he’d wanted? Did he want to be all by himself? Maybe, but that doesn’t sound particularly like Remus, so maybe…

He’s jolted out of his thoughts as he walks into the bedroom. On the far side of the bed, beneath the lamp, a shadow stretches out from the foot. It looks like a rock, sort of, a boulder that someone put on the floor. He frowns, taking a step closer, only for his eyes to widen as he hears the soft noises.

Ah.

Oh, dear.

“Remus,” he calls quietly, and the sobs choke off, “Remus, buddy, you okay over there?”

Remus’s shadow twitches. Thomas waits by the door, not willing to move, until he sees part of it that must be Remus’s head moving slowly back and forth.

“Can I come over there?”

He waits a little longer, just until the shadow nods, and he walks over to crouch by the bed. He peers over and his chest clenches at the sight of Remus there, still in his pajamas, contorted into a ball so tight he wonders if it doesn’t hurt. Then, of course, he wonders if that’s the point. That it hurts.

“Hey,” he says, trying to make his voice as non-threatening as possible, “what’s going on, buddy? What can I do?”

Remus sniffles and shakes his head. Thomas eases his way properly onto the floor and holds out and hand. Remus eyes it like it’s going to bite him.

“I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise. Just…I’m here, okay? If you need someone to be here, I’m right here.”

”You won’t stay.”

“What do you mean?”

“You won’t stay,” Remus repeats in that thin, reedy voice, “you never stay. No one does.”

“I’ll stay,” he says, “I’m bout going anywhere, see?”

Remus just shakes his head. “No. You won’t. No one ever wants to stay with me.”

The way he spits it out, like it’s the vilest curse he can think of, makes Thomas scoot a little closer. “Why doesn’t anyone stay?”

“Because I’m too much. I’m too gross. I’m too—I’m too—“ he scrubs a hand under his nose. “I’m too me.”

Before Thomas can say anything, he barks out a laugh, cruel and humorless.

“And when I wake up this is gonna hurt so fucking much.”

Thomas frowns. “What do you mean, when you wake up?”

“This is a dream, dumbass,” Remus mutters, “so yeah, when I wake up, you’ll be gone.”

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Remus,” Thomas says very softly, as though he’s talking to a skittish animal, “you’re not dreaming.”

“Yeah, right.”

“You’re not,” he says again, “you’re in my room. You’re awake. I’m really here.”

“No, you’re not. Thomas can’t come into the Mindscape.”

“We’re not in the Mindscape.” Remus raises his head to glare doubtfully out at him with one eye. “Check.”

Remus does…something, which is good because Thomas really was just hoping there was some way to check, but then his eyes are widening and he’s scrambling back like Thomas is going to strike him.

“Shit, shit, fuck, I’m sorry, I thought—I’ll go, I’ll go—“

“Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.” Thomas reaches out for him. “Don’t do that, it’s okay, I’m not mad, see? Just—take a second, you’re okay. Okay? Everything’s okay.”

Remus, still panting like he’s run a hundred miles, stares at him with wide eyes. Thomas moves slowly towards him, trying not to block him in and crowd him against the bed, until he can take him by the shoulder. An honest-to-God whimper comes out of Remus and he quickly shushes it. His eyes are still giant, his breathing still choppy.

“Hey,” he says, still speaking softly, “can I give you a cuddle?”

Remus just stares at him.

“Do you want a cuddle?” When another one of those soft little needy noises comes out, he leans forward and scoops Remus into his arms. “There, how’s that?”

Poor Remus is shuddering and shaking like a cat that’s just come in from the freezing rain. Thomas rubs his back, rocking him back and forth, as Remus clings to his shoulders and whimpers into the crook of his neck. Closing his eyes, he tries to focus on breathing deep and even, inhaling and exhaling, creating a gentle guide for Remus to follow. It takes a few tries. Alright, many tries. But eventually, Remus starts to follow with hitching, unsteady breaths.

”Hey, buddy,” Thomas says quietly, “you wanna move to the bed? It might be more comfortable than the floor.”

Remus nods, but makes no move to get up off his lap. Thomas takes a quick breath, hopes those workouts he did…however long ago still have some impact, and lifts Remus up as best he can to deposit him on the bed.

“I’m not leaving,” he says, hushing the frightened keen, “I’m just moving so I can pull the covers down, okay? Come get underneath the blankets, that’s gonna feel better, okay? Come on, there you go…”

It really is like herding a feral cat, he thinks as he coaxes a wide-eyed Remus into the bed, a fuzzy, green, man-shaped cat.

He’s also not sure he would’ve ever described Remus as ‘cute’ before, but seeing him like this now, with the covers pulled up to his chin and his little hands peeping out from underneath, he thinks it might not be the worst word to describe him. Of course, he’s still mostly worried about what made Remus into this, so he quickly turns off the big lights and gets under the covers, letting Remus latch back onto him like a kitten afraid of the dad. Again, surprisingly cute.

“What’s going on,” he asks softly, running his fingers through Remus’s hair, “can you tell me?”

Remus shakes his head, burying his head into the crook of his shoulder. Thomas tangles his fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck.

“You just feeling a little lonely?” A nod and he lets out a sympathetic noise, pulling Remus closer. “You can stay with me, if you want. I can help. I won’t leave.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Remus, you can stay. Do you want—I know Roman’s your usual cuddle buddy, I can see if he—“

“No,” Remus mumbles, “this…this is good.”

Thomas chuckles, ruffling Remus’s hair. “Alright, then. You wanna try and get some sleep?”

“Yeah.”

Thomas closes his eyes, Remus snuggling into him. The two of them begin to drift slowly off to sleep, and he has a dream about a small black cat in an alleyway, in a cardboard box, eagerly looking for someone to take him home.

He dreams he gets the cat a little green collar and as many pillows to tear apart as its little claws can handle, and wakes up smiling to the echoes of its joyful yelps.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hi! Can you please do Repugnant with their so/fwb who has really harsh and bad nightmares. Or just Mary specifically, I love them too much for my own good

Repugnant with an s/o who suffers from night terrors

Mary Goore

Mary doesn't really sleep. Usually they either leave the bed to do their own thing around the house or just lay next to you with their arm around your shoulder as they either scroll away on their phone or read some old, secondhand book they found at a garage sale.

So when they notice you squirm, they just... awkwardly shake you until you wake up. It's not exactly gentle, though.

They straight up ask what happened and give you a hug as you explain everything.

They don't really have snacks, but they're willing to offer you a can of beer and order you a pizza.

They suck at comforting people in most cases, but they're gonna try for you, whether you're dating or just friends. They cherish you.

They'll read to you, even if they're more than a bit embarrassed about their voice acting skills.

Or they'll just let you mess around with their guitar.

Or just let you cuddle them. Your call.

DD Sars (fwb, not s/o)

He usually needs some time to wake up, but once he does, he just sorta shoves you until you wake up as well. Might hit you with a pillow if it takes too long.

Asks what the fuck happened. He doesn't really have a big difference in how he reacts whether you tell him or not.

He's just gonna groan and roll his eyes, but he'll move his arm in a way that lets you know you can get closer and hold onto him if needed.

Offers you a cigarette. Or a joint, if you're really shaken up. He won't judge.

Orders you food. He likes Chinese, but you get to pick if you prefer something else.

He has a few chocolate bars hidden around his apartment for when his period hits, but you're allowed to take however many you need. He will make a scene about this, but he'll get offended if you don't take the chocolate.

He'll just sorta hang out with you for the rest of the night, talking shit about people.

G. Grotesque

At first he just cuddles you tighter, sensing your distress in his sleep.

If it doesn't work, he wakes up, gently shakes you awake and asks what happened.

Whether you tell him about your dreams or now is entirely up to you. He'll react mostly the same.

And that is, with kisses and hugs to comfort you.

He owns several plushies, so if you're at his house, he offers to give you each and every one of them to cuddle with.

If you're at your place and you don't have plushies, he insists you use him as one. He loves being squeezed, so it's not a problem.

If it doesn't work, he asks if you'd like him to play a guitar to him. He has an acoustic one he got from his parents on his birthday. He plays your favorite songs for you while you hold onto his waist and rest against his back.

He stays up with you and cuddles you as long as you need.

E. Forcas

He wakes up easily, so he notices if you start makin any sorts of distressed noises or squirm around.

At first he gently pulls you closer, hoping it helps.

If it doesn't, he'll gently shake you awake.

If you want to open up about your dreams, he'll listen and hold you to offer some comfort. Maybe offer a few hushed reassurances.

You can sleep on top of him or cuddles up to his side. He's an excellent pillow, since he's big and soft.

If you fall asleep, he's holding you the entire time.

If he notices you struggle to fall asleep, he'll get some pillows and blankets in the living room and you two end up on the couch that night (you laying on top of him, most likely) as you watch all your favorite movies.

~

Written by Nosferatu.

Taglist: @charlie-is-a-menace @copias-fluffy-asscheeks @randodummy @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @calliedion-dungeon @randominstake @callmeicaro @thecuriouss @nuntia @dio-niisio @ethereal-maniac @mamacarlyle @thermodynamic-comedian @vampyrolesbos

[blacktobackmesa]

Hi, I'm sorry I'm back in your inbox again skfbdjdn, but uhhh I was thinking about the headcanons you posted on Valentine's day and now I've got to know how Gordon would react when he realizes he's developing feelings for Funny Benny who lives in the computer. I'm usually a fairly casual frenrey shipper, but with how good you are at writing the hlvrai cast I'm on the edge of my seat to hear about how their relationship in streamman

Ohhh yes yes good. (Also, no apologies, I love messages, they are my friends) I'm gonna go deep into the paint on this one, check below the cut for Gordon's slow realization, the little things leading up to it, and more.

(There's a little allusion to sexual topics. Nothing explicit. Literally just the fact that adults in relationships can have sex. If you are a fan of the show where the climactic final boss monologue has heavy discussion of a dick slip, I don't think you're going to be scandalized, but I've been wrong before.)

Gordon and Benrey have that fun dynamic of "omg stopp what are you doing (does nothing to stop them)", and there's a lot of ways for both of them to be affectionate while obfuscating their feelings. But it's not really like they're trying to hide anything from each other? It's just the language they've built up to communicate. Like:

"Oh, fuck you." [Gordon Translation: That quip was pretty funny, I'm surprised I didn't see that coming.]

"you wish. say please, k?" [Benrey translation: I'm glad my comedy had the desired effect, so I'm continuing my jokes. I'm also implying intimacy by being comfortable enough to make sex jokes about us.]

At some point, Gordon realizes that his interactions with Benrey are making him feel... almost lonely. Which is weird, because the things that make him feel lonely(?) are all the things he likes about hanging out with Benrey. He figures out that he misses being able to have that kind of dynamic with a romantic partner.

Then it takes another full week for him to do the math that "Being with Benrey makes me think about my past relationships" + "I feel sad that I'm not dating anyone" = "I feel sad that I'm not dating Benrey". Look, he's not a scientist. He just plays one in a video game.

First response to realizing his feelings: MASSIVE ANXIETY.

How can they make this work out? What if he's waited too long? He knew Benrey was into him in the game, but this is several years of platonic interaction later. If Benrey still likes him that way, will he be angry and bitter at Gordon for trying to act like he hasn't been quietly turning down Benrey's affections all this time? Even if Benrey's still interested, they're basically on different planes of reality!

Thankfully, he has someone to talk to who helps get some of those anxieties sorted.

Gordon: what about going on dates? Fang: you go on outings with the science team all the time. You literally sit in the dark and watch movies together at least once a month. Gordon: Am I going to be content in a long-distance relationship where I know we can't ever move in together? Fang: Okay, one: his domain is on a computer in your home. Two, you're pretty dang happy with your ""long distance"" friendships. Three, you have the haptic suit. And four, it is none of my business if you decide to buy some very specialized bluetooth devices. Gordon: dude. Fang: I'm just saying you have options on the physical side.

Thankfully, Benrey's kind of glad he waited. Like, it would be awesome if he and Gordon had been together from the start, but he kind of feels better about who he is as a person at this point. Gotta get Benrey lvl. 5 before you can unlock Ultimate Romance. Anyway Gordon asks him out and he ragdolls on the fucking floor

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Ficfinder finds: The Lemonade Leak

Chapter 14: The Weapon

Chapter 14 Summary: No summary

The Weapon: Appraisal and Ratings

(Don't know what fanfic "Appraisal and Ratings" means? Check out my explanation on my Main Masterpost! Looking for a different fanfic to read? Head on over to my Fanfic List Masterpost!)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is only available to those who have an Ao3 profile. This fanfic is written by @turtleinsoup, so go show them some love and support!!

The fanfic ratings are not based on quality, favoritism, or how good I think it is, but rather, how intense a subject may be. Like a movie review, or the tags on Ao3, letting the readers know what to expect.

Plot: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Plot is five out of five!! Everything in this chapter is going by so rapidly!! The plot shifts from a slow craw, right into a run!!"

Suspense/Mystery: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Suspense/Mystery is five out of five!! Oh gosh the suspense in this chapter is wild!! Seriously, each chapter just gets more and more suspenseful!!"

Angst/Hurt: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Angst/Hurt is five out of five!! The angst is incredibly prominent in this chapter!! The interactions between the brothers, the thoughts Leo has, ah its all just *chefs kiss*"

Fluff/Comfort: 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Fluff/Comfort is zero out of five! This chapter has completely no comfort, and no fluff whatsoever!! Like always, any attempt at comfort by the brothers is wrecked by the tensity and severity of the situation."

Emotions Conveyed: 💛💛💛💛🖤

"Emotions Conveyed is four out of five!! This chapter really invoked a feeling of stress and dread in me! Its really suspenseful, and has massive amounts of tension!!"

Drama/Tension Level: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Drama/Tension Level is five out of five!! Oh gosh, the tension level in this chapter is completely insane!! Every single one of the interactions is filled with tension and stress!"

Triggers: 💛💛💛💛💛

"Triggers for this chapter are five out of five. This chapter has some interesting triggering scenes. This chapter contains non-consensual drugging, and a sort of impromptu surgery on oneself. Remember, read the tags, come prepared, and stay safe ^^"

Legibility (Reading): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Reading) is five out of five!! The thought are just so well articulated in this chapter! As always, I just love how the thoughts cut into the sentences in such a way that its not interrupting, but adding."

Legibility (Audio): 💛💛💛💛💛

"Legibility (Audio) is five out of five! Especially since this chapter has so much tension and suspense in it, it makes for a great read!!"

Length: 💛💛💛🖤🖤

"Length is three out of five!! Chapter 14 of The Lemonade Leak takes about 28-29 minutes to listen to!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter ->

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The Lemonade Leak: Story Ratings and Chapter List

Personal thoughts on chapter below cut (Contains Spoilers)

Raph didn’t look up from the piece of copper he was working on. Leo watched him bend it into an animal. Applying pressure and giving it feet, gently, so it could stand without help.

I love it when Raph crafts things!! 

Leo looked at him. And then, finally he said, “In the kitchen. Are you sure this was Donnie?” Raph stared back, locking their eyes. Wide-eyed. Then he swallowed and stepped back from Leo. “Bud,” Raph said, very slowly. “When was the last time you slept?”

The switch from when Raph believes him, to when he thinks Leo is just sleep deprived is almost heart breaking. He went from giving Leo a chance, to fully believing that he was just nuts.

“Leo,” Raph whispered. “This is a bad joke, right? You don’t really think there’s… anything really wrong with him, right?”

The panic is written so incredibly well here!! The whole conversation, where their words stutter back and forth, where the panic is palpable, it’s just so good!!

“My hands are fine, Raph,” Mikey said, shakily handing him the red mug. Its pile of whipped cream was freckled with tiny pink marshmallows. Raph liked cream so firm it would remember the imprint of his teeth.

Raph hot chocolate is so cute!! 

Mikey chuckled numbly. “I… Yeah,” he said. He was chewing on his lip, hard enough to make it glint red. “Can I get you anything else? You wanna borrow my headphones?“

Poor Mikey feels so guilty!! He’s trying to make this as comfortable for Leo as possible, feeling terrible knowing he drugged him. 

“Nah, I think I’d rather do that somewhere less…” Leo pretended to cast a worried glance at Donnie’s body, “open.” Leo rubbed his eyes and forced his voice smaller, more harmless. “Mikey, wake me up if…” He paused, for effect, “anything happens. Promise?”

Leo recognized that his brothers, specifically Raph thinks he’s just being over paranoid due to lack of sleep, so he really leaning into it. Plus, he knows it’ll piss off Donnie. 

For a moment its identity hung between stitch and cut, before it gave into a blade. Either way, it had been promised skin. Leo named it Hot Chocolate.

Going off of the tradition of naming it after the first thing it strikes/kills, I feel like this is a pretty appropriate name. 

Then he poked a portal in the inner hollow of his gut. He didn’t dare to breathe as he dug two fingers against the muscle of his intestine and scaped out all chocolate that had escaped his stomach. He felt the substance clinging to his digits like fleshy rot. He disposed of it in the dry sand. Watched it shrivel and hiss as it evaporated under the killing sun.

This is so damn clever!!! Seriously, I wouldn’t have thought of this, it’s so unsettling, yet so smart!!

Leo inspected his claw-like nails. “If I try to trick it alone, there’s a chance I’ll lose,” he said. “And if I lose, I’ll either die – or worse – turn Krang. I’ll end up on the wrong side, Draxy.” Leo came to a halt in Draxum’s shadow, crossing his hands behind his shell. He looked up at Draxum and smiled against the sun. “So what do you think is harder? Fighting my twin with me? Or fighting my twin and me?”

Out of all the fanfics I’ve read, The Lemonade Leak Leo has got to be the cleverest and most manipulative one out of them all!! How he sets everything up, how he’s got a plan b for his plan b. It’s just magnificent!! 

[husbandomail-archive]

second part to this post!

N:

At first, it’s tough. Despite his good intentions the entire way, N was a public face for Team Plasma— there are reasons he went into hiding for two years, after all. That’s not to say he dislikes you— obviously the opposite is true, if he wanted you to be the second Hero— but N is now well aware that he’s different from the world around him. He’s not entirely sure how to work his way into a regular life; he’s not sure a place exists for him at all.

N does his best to appear ‘normal’ when the two of you are in public, but it can be difficult, because he missed out on so many experiences being trapped in his castle for his entire youth. He’s never been out to eat before; when you bring him to the Striaton triplets’ restaurant, he stares at the menu for ages with wide eyes, and when you assure him he can order anything he practically goes wild. He orders all sorts of sweet drinks, taking a few sips of each one before choosing something else; even though he has several plates of his own on his side of the table, he’s making eyes at your food too, hoping you’ll offer a bite of everything.

Now that he’s free, he wants to see and experience as much as possible, to make up for the loss of his younger years. It’s incredibly comforting to have you at his side through all that; he does feel eternally out of place, so he appreciates the fact that you’re so gentle and understanding with him. As his sisters told you, N is innocent— smart as he is, he keeps falling for clickbait articles online, and he responds politely to every scam email he gets. You bring him to PokeStar Studios and he talks through every movie. The two of you pass a street performer and he empties his pockets into their hat.

N remains fairly introverted, but even then, he falls completely in love with Nimbasa City in particular. Some of his favorite outings are when the two of you spend all night in the theme park, racing through the different arcades, watching as many different sports games as possible in a short amount of time. N is better at arcade games than you’d expected— it isn’t until after he’s thoroughly kicked your ass that he informs you he’s been playing these games for quite some time. You never stood a chance. And, naturally, your nights always end at the Ferris wheel; from the top of the wheel, with you at his side, he finally feels like he’s home.

Red:

Personal headcanon here but I think Red is only selectively mute. He does know sign language, but at this point he’s so adept with his body language that he doesn’t really need anything else. Red is only comfortable speaking to select people under very specific circumstances— and you’re one of them, because your Championship over the Elite Four earned you a quiet but genuine “Congrats” when the two of you were finally left alone. To other people it might seem rude, but you know how big a deal that one word is for him.

Unsurprisingly, his favorite hangouts tend to be quiet ones; he did choose to spend all that time alone on Mt. Silver, after all. Red isn’t really one for things like parties, although he’ll show up for a few minutes to show his support— he’s much more content inviting you to travel with him for a bit as he makes his rounds through Kanto again. He may be hard to read, but it does make him happy to have someone to curl up at the campfire with.

Being so quiet, Red is an acts-of-service type. You wake up every morning on your shared travels to find that he’s already made breakfast for you both; he’s also picked up some surprising domestic skills while by himself for so long, so if your favorite jacket gets torn while dodging wild Pokémon, he’ll stitch it back up for you as you catch your breath. He’s well-acclimated to walking the long routes of Kanto, so if you’re getting tired, he’s quick to offer one of his Pokémon to carry you until you reach the next town.

Red’s favorite thing to do as friends, though— battle together. It’s not a secret and it’s not a surprise. The only spontaneous part of his personality, he loves trying to catch you off-guard by launching Pikachu into a Volt Tackle, giving you a split-second to pull out your own partner Pokémon and devolve into an all-out brawl. He also loves multi battles as partners, because the two of you silently understand each other so well, there’s no way your dream team could ever lose.

Riley:

In general, Riley comes off as a fairly serious young man— but that’s usually just because he’s so busy. As the caretaker for Iron Island, a place where many people come to train or catch wild Pokémon, he typically has his hands full. Most of his rare free time is just spent at home catching up on chores or resting; he’s thrilled whenever you swing by to visit, even if the two of you don’t do anything spectacular. He’s very much a homemaker type, so he loves having someone around to chat while he cooks dinner, or maybe the two of you can curl up and watch a movie together.

Riley is always someone you can go to for advice. He doesn’t seem much older than you, but he’s wiser than you’d expect for someone with such a pretty face; if you’re having trouble raising a specific breed of Pokémon, or if you’re struggling with figuring out another friendship, he’s always willing to listen and offer suggestions. He’s very level-headed and logical, so he’s perfect to bounce ideas and worries off of, with his miraculous ability to calm you down.

Despite being so rational, Riley also loves to tease; his ability to sense auras means he can read you incredibly well, and as soon as he’s said something that gets you flustered, he just keeps going. It could be playful flirting, or it could be implying that your mother showed him your baby photos— either way, he’s hilariously amused by the way your face turns bright red. Even if you’re good at keeping a straight face, he can sense the way your emotions flare, and that’s enough of a reaction for him.

Every once in awhile, you’re able to get Riley off Iron Island. On those rare days, he loves spending time in the Canalave library, although he has all the mythology books memorized and will recite them to you whenever you ask. He’s another one who loves teaming up with you for battles; he’s always excited to show you the new Pokémon he’s raised, so the two of you become regulars at the Battle Tower. You’re such a good team that eventually they ask you to show up a bit less often, give other people a chance to win. Oops. 

[twdgkidsdeservebetter]

I love the Quarry but I think it could use a complete fix to improve it.

I know a lot of stuff was scrapped due to Covid-19 getting in the way, but there's always potential for a remake (I can only hope)

Making the two save options ACTUALLY let you save Max/Nick. The only thing we get from that are different dialogue lines.

Number 1 is also a reason why we should add character relationships and traits back. Don't get me wrong, I like the pause menu for The Quarry, I think it's super unique, but there's plenty of space to add relationships and traits back in. That's what made Until Dawn so unique, especially when you do a deep dive on character traits changing with your dialogue options. (like for example, Mike's honesty goes down when he tries to comfort Jess).

I also think more options in the game that would change characters fates in different chapters would give a larger variety of story. Like for example; instead of Max getting infected, it's Laura whose infected and Max has to go out and kill Chris. Instead of Jacob getting captured, we have Emma captured. Instead of Nick getting infected, we have Abi infected. This would definitely give more characters some screen time and from someone who thinks characters in a story bring everything together, would allow people to select characters they like in order to give them more screen time over other characters they may not like as much. (It's sort like watching a horror movie but not being invested in what happens to a character you don't like).

Change chapter 8. From someone who has replayed the game several times in order to get 100%, I found chapter 8 to be the most boring and repetitive out of every single chapter. I understand why they made the chapter that way to explain what happened to Laura and Max, I just don't like the execution of it. Especially when we've been following 7 other characters for 7 chapters and now we're focusing on 2 characters we haven't seen since the prologue.

Removing plot armour from Ryan, Laura and Kaitlyn. These three characters can only die at the very end of the game, which sucks, since I really don't care for Ryan or Laura. I know they're fixing that with Mike and Sam in the new Until Dawn remake, allowing them to die earlier, rather than at the very end of the game. (And I know Chris is also getting an alternate death that is a chapter earlier).

When they first announced The Quarry, they said that each character would have several ways to die in the game, which obviously, was not the case. More danger would definitely up the risk factor of the game.

Adding additional scenes for those infected after the curse has been broken. For the characters who have the ability to turn into a werewolf post-curse breaking is; Max, Emma, Nick and Dylan. BUT, we only get Max and Emma scenes. I would've loved to see Nick appear again and be super disorientated. Along with Dylan, who would obviously be searching for Kaitlyn.

Adding scrapped dialogue back in to make scenes make more sense and more fleshed out. Kaitlyn's whole, "You done?" line makes zero sense without Dylan and Ryan's scrapped lines.

Making the ending better. I thought the ending of The Quarry SUUUUUUUUUUCKED. We get this intense car chase with Silas and then we find him curled up in his cage? BORING. It was super anti-climatic (and I get it, covid happened) and should've been more fleshed out.

Also, FIX LAURA'S HAIR!

[rubykgrant]

Okay so I know you brought up an AU with freelancers alive before, like all of them even Niner and the triplets and Florida and Connie, but here's what just interested me: how is Maine with everyone? Reds, Blues,, Freelancers, Locus, etc.

I had a whole post with some different Freelancer thoughts, so I'll copy-past the Maine bits from there, and also add a few more-

-Other people keep taking the “Grifshot” and hiding it somewhere Maine can find find it, and he ALWAYS gives it back to Grif... who is like a timid little bunny rabbit in that situation

-Maine will also just stand around and watch Tucker do stuff. Tucker feels like this is some kind of INTIMIDATION act, but Maine literally just thinks Tucker is cool

-Doc and Maine hung out together for several days before even discussing stuff about O’Malley and the Meta... nobody is entirely sure what was said (which is fine if they want to keep it private), and this seems to have resulted in Doc having absolutely NO fear of Maine (even when other people still get intimidated), and Maine has all these inside-jokes with O’Malley

-Sarge called dibs on Maine, South, and York. He truly feels like they are integral to some kind of grand scheme that makes no sense to anybody else. Maine is fine with it, he likes the Reds. South immediately jumps on the SUCK IT BLUES band-wagon (because guess which side her bro got absorbed into). York hams it up, like woe is me, I am on the opposing side of a feud from my dear friends, knowing full well this does not matter

-When Maine seems to be getting especially “isolated”, it’s actually Locus who knows how to gently approach him and pull the guy into a different train of thought (both having once felt like they were “just weapons”, and learning how to be people again). Maine returns the favor, but with a different method; when Locus is in a self-destructive and depressed mood, Maine will just pick him up, then go pick up somebody else, like Wash or Caboose or whoever might be right for the moment, and they have a Friendship Adventure (which usually involves watching cartoons)

-Church and Maine have this silent shared feeling that... doesn't really have a name. Or at least, not one single name. What Maine went through being the Meta, the Fragments all coming together but still feeling that they were "missing" something... and Church, who forgot he was the Alpha AI, and for a long time, never had the chance to be with everybody he cared about, all together... Church has his Fragments again, and they can also still visit with Maine, but none of them will ever be the Meta again, and it still feels like somebody is lost; there is a lot of regret, but also a sad sort of comfort in knowing they can still live. On a happier note, Church and Maine like to cook together~

-Carolina and Wash are in a similar situation of seeing shared pain in each other's eyes; "I tried to kill you" and "I didn't understand you" playing in the back of their heads when they look at each other. What finally helps them get through it is almost pretending like they are just "regular people" meeting for the first time, learning how to share interests and parts of their lives they haven't been able to experience in a while (Carolina spends time watching movies with him, while Wash will enjoy outside/nature activities with him)

-Caboose intuitively understands what Maine is thinking about/trying to say even when he feels like he can't communicate (Maine has learned how to sign, and has a keypad as well, but sometimes it is difficult to just express thoughts into words at all). Maine wishes he could return the favor, but it is much more difficult to understand Caboose... that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate the effort~

-Donut and Maine are obnoxious together, they do this good cop/bad cop thing when they want the others to participate in re-decorating the living area (for some reason, Maine is the "good cop", but also the "strong silent type" who just backs up all of Donut's weird demands)

-Kai is happily surprised that Maine is so impressed with how flexible she is, so she teaches him all kinds of crazy stretching techniques (it helps with a lot of his muscle-knots and old injuries)

[wolame-o-ccx]

Comprehensive Rocky Hyuga rambling ☺️🤍❤️

(a guide to Rocky Hyuga basically)

(or the words of a deranged person, you decide)

Their first time seeing each other, Hyuga's eyes linger on Rocky longer than when the others came by. The unnaturally soft gaze he gives him was unwanted, how he stayed just staring at him was unwanted, how his entire demeanour went back to his normal crazy Hyuga after Oya and Rude came is not coincidental (I'm crazy) and yet they put it in anyway.

In the container yard fight, there was a scene where Rocky jumped down from an orange container to fight alongside Yamato. Right after that, the camera PURPOSELY FLIES (no transition) BACK to the same orange container Rocky started out fighting from, meaning at some point they fought side by side.

Rocky "won't let a colour stain the White Rascals" but he himself is tainted with red with his glasses and his gloves so maybe after the first movie he had a little feeling after fighting alongside Hyuga then smiling at him, they both celebrated that victory not yelling with their team but smiling at each other and Rocky becomes curious and intuitive towards him.

When Hyuga came to save Rocky, Rocky was the first thing he set his eyes on. When he saw Rocky and Ranmaru fighting, the first thing he says, he says to Rocky, even if it was,

" Hey! You look pathetic! "

It still meant Hyuga had his eyes on Rocky the whole time.

Rocky thought he might just be fucked, but when he came down saving him, (not only that but broke some guy's arm for him!) Rocky was completely taken aback. The way he turns to Hyuga in surprise after telling Ranmaru he wasn't on his side amused Hyuga.

How Hyuga turned to look at him for a split second as he walked to welcome Daruma into the fight. From the moment he arrived, he took glances at Rocky and bothered to kid with him (encourage him?) before their fight started.

"Still, I like the passion in your fights" is such a crazy fucking line because of how implied it is that Rocky has admired and is admiring Hyuga because how else could you observe one's fight to its fullest? Not like they recorded his fighting on anything. He would have to look at him from across the battlefield mid fight. Rocky took some time to observe Hyuga especially and he didn't say a thing about anyone else and that's so crazy. He watched him out of everyone else in the midst of several battles. (This can also be interpreted into Todoyuken is the thing so I think I'm following a string of patterns here) Anyway, any normal person would easily call Hyuga's fighting style insanity, but Hyuga isn't insane, he's passionate, as Rocky describes him. When Rocky sees him, he associates him with his colour. Red. Knowing he specifically said passion implied it is a compliment, even more when he tells Hyuga that's something he likes about him. As far as I am aware, Hyuga has been the only person Rocky has complimented (notably), and it was Hyuga.

Rocky accepts Hyuga's insanity (or passion, he calls it) and Hyuga enjoys Rocky's mellow sort of demeanor and finds comfort in him that way.

Extra things :)

Putting it all in one post to showcase just how severe the brainrot is

I think Rocky would lead Hyuga out somewhere to have deep talks and he finds Hyuga has sanity and good views also Hyuga falls asleep easily that if Rocky touches him (hug, embrace, arm over shoulder,etc.) he can pass out immediately because he's so comfortable with him how they would dance in the club after hours when everyone is gone how they'd walk around the streets in their very different styles that it feels so foreign to everyone else but between them it doesn't even matter how Hyuga would cling onto Rocky and/or fall asleep on him while Rocky is doing work

How they don't particularly do affection especially physical affection but when it's quiet and there's nothing to do they just instinctively move towards each other and then slowly fall asleep like that how Rocky would give Hyuga knuckle kisses and forehead kisses and Hyuga would give Rocky gifts all the time MAYBE A LOLLIPOP BOUQUET they would tease each other, Rocky barely, but Hyuga would

Hyuga would be the kind to sort of have some expectations in Rocky, thinking he's quite high and mighty for a reason. He'd be disappointed when he finds out Rocky's life doesn't mean much to him, not because he wants to die but because he's willing to sacrifice himself for what he's worked for since the start. And Hyuga would be disappointed to find that out because he holds his own life up quite high in his priorities, not because he's a narcissist but because he has the ability to protect himself and everything he cares about, which is a lot more than people know.

Rocky loves the instability, just as much as he has it inside himself, and he admires Hyuga because he can be so loud and passionate about what he's fighting for. Rocky can understand his vigor, and finds it amusing how enthusiastic he gets in the battlefield.

They have a back-and-forth flirting thing with each other, the subtle glances and insinuations in their words when they talk to each other. None of it is ever genuinely bad, most of it a sort of test to see who wins the teasing words exchanged between them.

Hyuga holds up Rocky's life very high too because he admires how he can be so devoted to this one thing in his life but that can also be his downfall. Rocky has barely any intentions of doing anything else other than protecting, and Hyuga doesn't need to be protected, so Hyuga protects Rocky because Rocky doesn't care what happens to him.

The night rides they'd have on Rocky's motorcycle or Hyuga's car would be anything but loud. They are comfortable in each other's presence. They are complete opposites, but in a way that puzzle pieces are different, so they fit each other.

Rocky thought Ranmaru and Hyuga were exactly the same when he first met Hyuga, but after further observation, he came to the conclusion that, no, they were so different. Ranmaru fights, but Hyuga protects. That was something he realised that made him come to start liking Hyuga.

Rocky not wanting anyone (else) to die for him so when Hyuga tells him "I'll fight for you" instead of "I'll die for you" it makes him so happy.

When they're together, here'd be some kind of warm silence and it's quiet but not because they dont know how to talk to each other, but because they're simply comfortable with each other, like they trust each other.

Vague + indifferent is so interesting and not a popular trope but it works, and it works with them. It's also how they're so different and yet so similar at the same time. Had they become friends, I think they'd both try and sort of uncover things about each other, Hyuga because Rocky is mysterious in general and he isn't usually curious, but he is about Rocky and Rocky because Hyuga is just interesting (crazy) to him. They would have this dynamic where they're sort of mature? Around each other? If that makes sense IDK. They're serious, but casual at the same time.

I've been at this since 3am last night I'm going to die now [explodes]

[skaiind]

A lot of your work has really inspired me to take a shot at making comics. I know it's a lot to ask but I was wondering how to go about the process. Do you write and refine scripts before illustrating pages or do you just have a general plot in mind? Big fan of your work, your artstyle is magnificent.

first of all, that's amazing! comics are one of the best ways to learn art, because they challenge every aspect of your skill, it can be frustrating, but very very rewarding and worth it! and i am deeply moved that my work has inspired you to do so! thank you very much!!

my process has several steps, an each one sort of refines the last one as i revisit the same page over and over (which is great because i look at it with fresh eyes and manage to make it even better!!) but it turned out long, so get comfortable:

first i write a rough draft, trying to write as fast as possible with no stopping as much as i can, just so you can get the story (chapter) out. once the whole thing is finished, i edit it to make more sense! fix any mistakes, format it sort of like a script and also i try to be as descriptive as possible when explaining a scene - not just the vibes of it but i try to write out what i want the panels to look like or have, what POV or angle they're in, what details should be visible, describe the page design alltogether, etc. for the scripts i use notion.to because it was the most comfortable to organise all the chapters and notes and stuff in one place!

once the script is completed, i plan out the panels - that means i get a bunch of sketch paper (a3) and one by one as i reread the script, i draw out the panels and use little post its to shortly describe what should be in each panel (ex.: wide view of room, Michael in middle looking angrily at the clipboard). during this i also can edit the script a bit again, as with fresh eyes maybe i managed to think of something BETTER for the scene. i usually plan out about 15-20 pages in one sitting this way, because it's mostly just drawing rectangles and visualising the page in your head.

then we move on to ACTUALLY SKETCHING inside those panels, and with this i start from backgrounds first, then characters, then added details. at first i used just the red lead pencils, but then i began adding different colours like layers for the beforementioned categories. and when doing this i try to do as many pages as possible in one sitting, because the first page always comes out wonky, but then you get the flow of the story going and it gets easier (also good practice!!) and again, here i can refine the script, because maybe the post it i placed earlier doesn't make as much sense anymore and the scene might look different. so i sketch it how i think is best at the moment. i try to be as clear as possible, so the lining process later doesn't frustrate me too much.

now it's time to scan everthing and because i have a smaller scanner that means i must do it twice for each page. that's okay though because at least it comes out high quality when i photomerge them on photoshop later on. i apply autocontrast+autocolor to the picture, and the page looks more legible, and then transfer some to procreate on my ipad.

then you test out what lines/brush look best, and once you've got a chosen one - you LINE IT. Starting with defining the panels better, so they're not wiggly unless they look better that way. i again start from backgrounds because they're tedious and hard, then the characters, add some more details and then the speech bubbles. each on a separate layer so i can edit each one later if needed.

then all that's left is shading everything and exporting that bad boy out into the world!

what is common in most of these stages, is that i keep editing as i go. when i think of how i want the panels to look, i try to imagine it not just as a comic panel but like a scene in a movie (if specifically - horror movies and other times a one-camera comedy tv-shows or just a combination of both) and that really helps me visualize the panel.

another thing to keep in mind when writing a bigger/longer story is to know where it's going or at least what are you trying to show through it, but even that isn't necessary because in comics you can just keep exploring an idea or a concept without going really anywhere and it can still end up being amazing.

in the end you must remember that the comic you're making for YOU first and audience second. because when you start thinking about what other people will think, it'll become frustrating very fast and lose the fun. an creating comics is already frustrating in on itself, there's no need to bring in any more to it.

i hope you will make comics! i hope they will be fun for you and i'm very happy you want to put out more of this fantastic media into the world!

i also hope the long answer helped :))

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Would I be able to ask what is your opinion and thoughts of representations of Plurality (DID, OSDD, Etc.) in media?

I feel like people like us are both severely underrepresented and severely misrepresented in a negative light and are often used as a narrative device to do "oh wow this person is secretly evil half the time because ooooh scary second personality!".

I just highly respect all of your analyses and wanted to see if you've collected any thoughts on this!

Also as an after note (even if you don't reply to this) I wanted to thank you for all of your work on Youtube and various platforms, it's very nice to have someone who examines different media in a positive way with an open mind! It makes me (a transfem disabled person) very happy and makes me feel like there's a safe space even for someone like me in the league community.

I don't know enough about plurality as a set of psychological diagnoses or experiences to feel comfortable framing any kind of authoritative opinion on it. I defer to the opinions of people who either have lived experience or have done more substantial research.

But if you're asking, and you want me to express my best understanding, I'll give it a shot.

My opinions on it aren't especially deep or insightful, I think. As you say, in character design it has this really unfortunate Jekyll and Hyde baggage which is difficult to dismantle and which you always struggle against when trying to tell stories about it. Most people's point of reference for DID would probably be something like the Gollum/Sméagol system, or horror movies like that M. Night Shyamalan film Split. It is habitually treated as essentially a kind of demonic possession, and conflated with what I would consider very Christian ideas of sin and virtue.

Even on the positive end, I believe it tends to get exoticized, where a character might have several distinct personalities each of whom has distinct sets of superpowers or abilities, which... I mean I guess it's nice to frame it as a form of empowerment and something positive rather than horrifying? But it still kinda reinforces this idea that DID is some sort of magic, or a fantastical condition, like being bitten by a radioactive spider or transformed by alien space rays. I feel like it still sort of dehumanizes the condition, turns it into something other than just another way to go through the human experience.

And I don't know how you untangle those things - Jekyll and Hyde and its derivative narratives are compelling because the experience of not being in control of your own worst impulses is a near universal human experience. The experience of wearing multiple masks and faces in multiple different situations and grappling with existential questions of selfhood between them is a universal human experience.

So that's probably a kind of story that we're going to keep telling, it is a human need to express human experiences. But telling those stories shouldn't tar the experiences or nature of plural people by association, it shouldn't be necessary to exoticize or demonize these things to frame a compelling narrative about them.

What exactly the positive middle-ground between these things looks like, I don't know - again, I really don't feel like I have a strong enough foundation of knowledge to speak with authority, but a good place to start is probably with plural people creating stories about their experiences, and the rest of us taking our cues from that.

(Idly, if anyone has a book or comic recommendation for a story that does plurality well, do let me know in the replies.)

[lajulie24]

1, 17, 30 for the fic asks!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

This is a tough question, because I really do try to kind of mix things up in my fics these days, so there are a few examples that might work well as a starting point. But I think Cover Me is a good example of the early-relationship Han and Leia I try to write — a good team, friends before they become lovers, struggling a little with whether getting together is a good idea or not, but ultimately fitting together really well. And bonus Springsteen references, since, as we know, he is a popular Corellian singer and Han is a fan.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even thought you might be the only person to appreciate it?

As far as an AU that basically takes Han and Leia and puts them into roles from another property, I’ve long wanted a Dirty Dancing AU. Maybe not the whole movie, maybe just the part where they finally admit their feelings for each other and then have a dance scene that turns into a love scene. Or maybe just Leia telling Han, “I’m doing all this to save your ass and what I’d really like to do is drop you on it!” Similarly I think a The Cutting Edge AU could be fun solely for Han and Leia being in “the ultimate love/skate relationship”. Also as I was thinking of this question I decided it would be really fun to put Han and Leia in an X-Files AU where they are two detectives in the GFFA solving X-Files mysteries (some of which are probably the work of a Sith Lord or random Force nonsense — I think Han might end up having to be the Scully sometimes in this scenario).

I’m not sure if I would categorize this as fully an AU so much as me just rejecting the post-ROTJ canon, but I have sort of daydreamed a post-ROTJ story where Leia decides fairly early on that being a politician and diplomat is great, but that she’s actually going to be more help to the ideals she and the Rebellion fought for if she takes a very different role. So she and Han (and maybe Luke, too, and Chewie when he’s not hanging out with his family) bum around the galaxy on the Falcon and she works on things like helping slavery liberation movements and supporting refugees and advocating alongside worlds who were especially devastated by the Empire to help them have a voice in the new government and get what they need. It kind of ends up being a Jedi thing except if the Jedi weren’t so chained to the Republic and had more leeway to help folks around the galaxy. They make use of Han’s contacts and skills and Leia studies to be a Jedi and every so often she hangs out with the Alderaanians to help them out too (although the Alderaanians also sort of make this their collective mission, too, once they are able to get a more stable foothold in the galaxy).

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Several times! Even though I have written quite a bit of smut by now, it took me a long time before I tried it, and it’s always a little out of my comfort zone. As you know, I recently wrote smut that included some acts that…I hadn’t written about before and that made me go “OMG holy shit I cannot believe I actually wrote that” — in something in the way you move (makes me feel like I can’t live without you).

How did it affect my approach to writing thereafter? Well, I think each time I’ve tried something new, particularly in my out-of-my-comfort-zone smut writing, I’ve realized that the only way to do it is to just take yourself through it, step by step. I can’t think of it as “okay now I’m going to write Leia fucking Han” as a whole giant scene because that just makes me come to a complete stop. Depending on whose POV I’m writing, I’ve learned that the smut works better if I focus on what the POV character is noticing, what they’re feeling both physically and emotionally, and imagine each step they take in the scene (and skip over / gloss over steps that aren’t particularly relevant). Then it’s more real than movie-screen sex but not quite so real that we need to know every single detail like you would if you were doing this to someone in real life. And also, I found that when I wrote smut more often, I actually got better at it and liked writing it more.

Thank you kindly for the ask!

Fanfiction writer asks!

[irisopranta]

9 and 27 :)

((I Wasn't sure which prompt you wanted so I did both))

9. In their bedroom

9. AU in the setting of another game/movie/book/show

((Have some Sentai due to Love after World Domination))

The fight ensured. The verdant ranger, block an oncoming from The Scarlet Sorceress. It however made him slide several feet back. The Scarlet Sorceress flew towards him to throw a punch. He blocked it. With her fist in his hand, he threw her across the beach, to somewhere that was excluded from the rest of the beach. He follow her to continue the fight.

Once there, she presented him with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "They're still fighting over there?" She asked.

Stephanivien took off his helmet. "Yeah at least for now. Good plan on attacking Costa de Sol." He gave a look around. Noticing that there is a canopy and a pair of chairs for them. "I'm surprised that you got all this set up before hand."

She nodded. "Did you expected me not to?" She approached him. She gave him a sly smile before giving him a kiss. He responded by giving her a tight hug.

"Rarely do we get the chance to relax like this." The two sat down and pour out the wine for each other while they enjoyed the view.

27. Bookshop AU

Another day in the bookstore. It's been a few years since my mother passed the shop to me. Business has been good, I get all sorts of customers. Young kids looking fairytales and tales of heroics. Elders looking for stories to pass the time.

However, there is this one customer that intrigues me. Once a month he comes in, grabs the latest mechanics magazines, and heads out. It seems like he wants to talk but he never says a word.

The bell on the store's door rang. It was that mechanic guy. Iris watched him, expecting him to go to the magazine rack to grab the usual catalogs. However, he went a different way. Into the shelves. She figured he wanted a book as well this time. Nothing else to do at this point and went about her business.

A while passes by, and the mechanic finally came up to the desk to check out. "Found everything alright today?" She inquired him.

He blushed. "Y-yeah." To Iris, he seemed more off than his usual self. Iris shrugged and started to check out.

She saw the usual magazines. However this time she saw a novel in the bunch. "Oh this one is good." She picked it up. "It's a brilliant romance. Though I'm surprised you are picking it up." She smiled at him

The blush on his face grew redder by the second. "Y-yeah, I heard that it was good. I f-figured to check it out because it was popular among women and I might be able to strike up a conversation to with it."

"It is. I'm guessing you want to talk with someone about it?"

He nodded. "Aye, there is a lady that my heart yearns for. But yet I can't seem to find myself being able to talk to her. She seems like someone who would have read this." He seemed to be getting a bit more comfortable with talking about it with her.

She smiled back at him. "Well, I hope it works out. My name is Iris. If you ever want an ear, I'd be happy to provide it." She put the book aside and continued to check out the rest of the catalogs he had.

"Stephanivien. I'm glad that you would be willing to hear me out." He smiled back. " However, wouldn't it be distracting to you while working."

She handed him the stack of magazines. "Not at all. It gets pretty dull here and the conversation will make my day."

"I'll keep that in mind. Welp, I need to go. Thank you again Iris." He nodded and started to head out her shop.

((Thanks for the ask Anon))

[sage-nebula]

It occurred to me that I could just use Splatoon 3's native character creator to make my OCs, a.k.a. my versions of each of the agents (which are based on the canon versions but deviate based on my own experiences with the story modes), so that's what I've done. I also created a little bio template to give a brief overview for each one, before giving a longer bio in text for anyone who is interested in them.

So! If you are interested, please head below the cut to learn about Captain Cora "I was sent in to single-handedly eliminate a bunch of octarians when I was 14 in actual war and I did it but I didn't fully understand what I signed up to do at first and ended up horrified by my actions and severely traumatized and put off war & war games forever but I still want to try to change things from the inside to make the world better and atone for my actions from when I was 14" Sepio.

Cora lived a pretty normal, and honestly privileged, life until the age of fourteen. She lived outside of the city, sure, but it was because her parents made enough money to have a custom built home out in the countryside among beautiful scenery where they could avoid the hustle and bustle of the city and enjoy all sorts of comforts while other people actually took care of said scenery they were enjoying. Cora never really wanted for anything, except for the city life that her favorite CDs and magazines came from, the ones where her favorite shows and movies were produced from. So when she turned fourteen, she packed her things and hopped on a train and left her privileged life behind. (Albeit with a credit card that her parents could top off at any time. Again, privileged.)

Cora was thrilled to get to the city. She didn't have a set plan for what to do once she got there, although she was excited to participate in turf war and had dreams of becoming an idol herself. You see, Cora didn't always hate war games; like many inklings, she found turf war to be exciting to watch and wanted to participate, and she headed straight for Ammo Knights as soon as she arrived to see what she could get. She had her heart set on an Aerospray RG, and got it as soon as she could; she named it "Ol' Faithful" immediately, even though it wasn't old at all, being brand new. That didn't matter much to Cora; calling it Ol' Faithful made it (and by extension, her) sound cool. She was living her TV dreams.

With her parents money, she got a nice little apartment. She won turf war battles. She was glued to the TV every time the Squid Sisters were on Inkopolis News and she practiced dance routines and her singing in her apartment. She was living her dreams.

And then one day, shortly after the Squid Sisters reported that the Great Zapfish had been stolen, a strange old man caught Cora's eye and beckoned her down a sewer grate.

The man was Cap'n Cuttlefish, and he led Cora into Octo Valley. Cap'n Cuttlefish explained to to Cora that the Great Zapfish (as well as all the little Zapfish) had been stolen by the Octarians, and that only the Squidbeak Splatoon could fight them. But the Squidbeak Splatoon was gone except for him, and he was too old . . . but that was where she came in. She could do it! She had The Look in her eye. He knew she could do it. Cora was pretty good at turf, if she said so herself, and the Zapfish being missing was a big deal. Both Callie and Marie had seemed pretty sure of that. And Cuttlefish needed help, and Cora wasn't one to deny someone help. So she agreed, suited up, and headed into the canyon.

But here was the problem: Cuttlefish hadn't lied. But his perspective was a biased one. The deeper Cora went into the canyon, the more suffering she saw. The domes were falling apart. The Octarians didn't have enough electricity to maintain them, so they hadn't stolen the Zapfish out of malice, but out of necessity. And the Octarians weren't just Octotroopers and other strange beings -- there were Octolings, too, no different from Cora, and the Squid Sisters. They spoke a different language, sure, but they were people. And they were suffering. They were living underground, in suffering conditions, while Cora and so many other Inklings were living a privileged life above, and here Cora was, invading their home and destroying them and what little they head, ripping away what little hope they had away from them, just because some old man told her to, when she didn't even have the full story, when she just agreed without a second thought . . .

She beat DJ Octavio, and got the Great Zapfish back. She got to meet her heroes, Callie and Marie, Agents 1 and 2 respectively. And then they put DJ Octavio in a tiny, cramped snow globe for his crimes.

It was the most grotesque thing Cora had ever seen in her fourteen years of life. Callie and Marie seemed to find it hilarious. So did Cuttlefish, mocking his adversary. Octavio could barely move inside it, though. Cora went home that night, but she couldn't sleep. She could vomit, and she did, but she couldn't sleep. So the next night, she returned to the valley, and when she was sure Cuttlefish wasn't around, she deactivated the snow globe and opened it.

"GYAHAHA! What's this? You want an encore?" DJ Octavio boomed.

"No! And keep your voice down!" Cora looked over her shoulder, but the door to the cabin didn't open. "I just -- it wasn't right, where they were keeping you. So I'm letting you go."

DJ Octavio snorted. "The Great Zapfish Caper Remix feat. the Renegade Agent, is that it?"

"No." Cora did her best to glare, even as her palms broke out in a cold sweat. "Leave the Zapfish alone. We need it, too. We can find another way to fix the energy crisis in the can--"

"We?" Octavio loosed another booming laugh, and Cora winced. "The Squidbeak Splatoon cares about the Octarians now? Best joke I've heard in a century!"

"I do. So I'm asking you, as a favor for me letting you go -- don't steal the Zapfish again. Okay? And I -- I'll try . . . I'll try to make things better in return."

Octavio shook as though holding back laughter. But finally, he said, "All right, little revolutionary. I won't steal the Great Zapfish. You have my word on that. I won't steal the Zapfish. Now get going! It's past your bedtime!"

Booming another earth rumbling laugh, Octavio zoomed back into the canyon. And, comforted at least by the thought that she wouldn't be responsible for the Zapfish going missing again, Cora made her way back to her apartment.

But freeing Octavio didn't fix her. She still had a hard time falling asleep, and staying asleep when she did; disjointed, broken nightmares of fighting Octarians haunted her, exploding tentacles flying everywhere as she mowed them down in wave after wave. Her appetite was fleeting, and it was hard to get herself to swallow when she tried to force it down. Many days she felt too tired to get out of bed, and as consequence she would at times go weeks between showers. Ol' Faithful sat gathering dust in the corner, along with her CDs, her dance clothes, and the TV. During Splatfests, she covered her head with her pillows to try to block out the sound of the Squid Sisters performing in the plaza.

The worst part, Cora thought, was that she didn't know how she could keep her promise to Octavio. How could she fix it? She didn't know the first thing about how to bring electricity to the canyon. She didn't know anything about electrical engineering. She doubted Cuttlefish or the Squid Sisters would listen to her about letting the Octarians up from the canyon, either; when she'd so much as suggested they not keep Octavio in the snow globe, they'd insisted imprisoning him was necessary. (And they were furious that he'd been let out, and though she'd said it wasn't her, she was a poor liar she could tell they knew it. She also couldn't muster the will to feel bad or scared that they knew. She couldn't muster the will to feel much of anything nowadays, except ill and exhausted.)

Time passed like this for about two years. Two years of doing the bare minimum to keep herself going. Two years of not leaving her apartment very much, only to get groceries from the 24-hour convenience mart down the street. Two years of talking to her parents just enough so they wouldn't demand she come home, and avoiding calls from everyone else.

But then the new hosts of Inkopolis News -- Off the Hook, Cora thought they were called -- reported that the Great Zapfish had gone missing again, along with Callie from the Squid Sisters. And then Cora's phone rang.

"No," Cora told Cuttlefish. "I can't. I won't -- I can't go back there. Not again."

"Marie is handling the Zapfish situation for now," Cuttlefish said, his voice placating. "She has a new recruit. There's actually something unrelated I'd like your assistance with investigating, if you'd be so kind."

A new recruit. Cora's mouth tasted sour, and not just because she hadn't brushed her teeth in three days. Was the new recruit another fourteen year old kid? Was the new recruit only given half the story, not told the situation they were being thrown into, the suffering people they were attacking?

"I'm worried some people might be hurting," Cuttlefish added.

Cora sat up on her bed, and ran her dry tongue along her sticky teeth. Her mouth really did feel like cotton.

"Tell me what it is first," she said.

Cuttlefish told her that there were people who had disappeared around the Octo Canyon area. He didn't want her to fight anyone, he said -- he wasn't asking her to go to war against the Octarians or anything. But he just wanted to see if they could find any missing people. He added that fresh air was good for the heart and lungs, and also the mind, and that exercise like walking released endorphins, and that was where Cora interrupted him to say she'd be there before she hung up. She recognized an excuse to get her out of her apartment when she heard one. And part of her wanted to blow him off out of spite. But if there were people missing, she couldn't leave them. So she took a shower. She brushed her teeth. She threw a cape she'd found sitting out by someone's garbage over her clothes since the cape was clean and her clothes were not, grabbed Ol' Faithful, and headed out to meet Cuttlefish by, but not in, the Canyon.

He was ecstatic to see her. She couldn't say the same, but she mustered a little lip twitch that she thought maybe could pass for a smile. He rambled on about how Marie and Callie had been doing in their solo careers, and how Callie was currently missing but he was sure she was fine, just off on one of her "whimsies", and other such topics. Cora only half listened. It was actually nice, being outside and exploring the canyon. It actually made her feel a little angry, that he was right that the fresh air was nice. Who was he to be right about that?

But there wasn't much time to ruminate on it. As they rounded the corner, an Octoling agent ambushed them. Cuttlefish started barking orders, but though she had brought her weapon just in case, Cora wasn't there to fight. But the Octoling, seeing her weapon, thought otherwise; the Octoling had an Octoshot of her own, and before Cora could drop her gun the Octoling had raised her own, and Cora had no choice but to defend herself.

As fortune would have it, their battle didn't last long; something else attacked them and dragged them down, down, down, deep beneath the sea, and into a subway system.

Despite the horrors that befell Cora in the Deepsea Metro -- specifically having part of her head sliced open and filled with ooze that stripped her of her free will until she got her head cracked open a second time so the ooze could be poured out so the sanitization didn't take effect -- overall, the experience was a positive one for her. During her time away from Cuttlefish, Cora learned about the the Metro and Kamabo Co.; she learned that there were residents of the Deepsea that used the Metro as one would use a normal subway, but also that Kamabo Co. sanitized octolings, ran experiments on them, used them and oppressed them while they were helpless to do anything about it. That they had been languishing beneath the sea, with no one to help them, all this time.

It was horrible. It made her feel the same sense of horrible despair and sick that she had felt in Octo Valley. But she was there now, in the Deep Sea Metro. She was there, not to wage war, but to investigate. To do something. And then she got a distress signal, from someone else who was also trying to help . . . and she did do something. She destroyed the blender, and she saved the Octoling's -- Agent 8's -- life, along with Cuttlefish's.

When she woke up among Cuttlefish, Agent 8, Pearl, and Marina . . . though she was wounded, though she had technically gone through more trauma . . . for the first time in two years, Cora felt hope. She had made a positive difference this time. Not as much of one as Agent 8 had, to be fair, but she had still helped. She hadn't hurt anyone this time, at least, not under her own intention and willpower. She hadn't been the same monster she had been two years ago. She had done something good. She had done something right. And she could do it again.

Cora returned home. It took several days, but she got all of the trash out of her apartment, did all of her laundry, cleaned all the filth. When her apartment was in order, and she was showered and in clean clothes, she went to the Inkopolis Square studio to thank Marina and Pearl for all they'd done, and to introduce herself properly.

"Yo, no need to thank us. We live here, too! Last thing we need is for this place to get blown out," Pearl said.

"I'm just glad we were able to make it in time," Marina agreed. "You were pretty timely with your help, too! Without you, Eight and Cuttlefish wouldn't have made it out of the blender."

Cora did her best to smile. "Thank you. I still really appreciate what you did. And I hope, if anything like that ever happens again . . ."

"We're not gonna let the world end." Pearl winked, and clicked her tongue with finger guns at Cora. "Count on it."

With Pearl and Marina's support (and friendship) secured, Cora made her way back to Cuttlefish. She officially reenlisted with the Squidbeak Splatoon, though on the condition that they recalibrate their goals.

"The Great Turf War ended a long time ago. But there are people suffering here and now, people who need our help. The people in the Deepsea Metro, and Octolings who want a better life. We should focus on helping them, not hurting. If there's a situation where there's no choice but to fight, fine -- but we shouldn't have that be our first choice. We should aim to help, not hurt."

To his credit, Cuttlefish was on board. Working with Marina and Agent 8 had opened his eyes. Unfortunately, while Cuttlefish and Callie were on board, and Marie was willing to let things go either way, there was a new member with a strong opinion.

"That is the lamest shit I have ever heard in my life," Agent 4 said, not even bothering to look at Cora as she juggled her dualies effortlessly in the air. "No wonder you got kicked off the squad."

"I didn't get kicked off; I quit," Cora ground out.

Agent 4 snorted a laugh. "Sure, Three."

Regardless of Agent 4's objections, Cuttlefish approved the plan. And when it became apparent that Cora and Reed (for that was Agent 4's real name) could not be in the same space for more than three minutes without a fight starting, endeavors were made to keep them apart as much as possible. (Endeavors were also made for Cora and Marie to spend little time together, albeit these endeavors were never acknowledged; Marie had lost respect for Cora after Cora freed DJ Octavio, and Cora lost respect for Marie for Marie's attitude toward the Octarians. Their relationship never recovered, particularly since they are both the stubborn, grudge holding type.)

For the next five years, Cora worked hard to assist Octolings who wanted to move to Inkopolis. She reached out to her parents for help, and her parents -- ecstatic to hear life in Cora's voice for the first time in years -- helped fund a night school in Inkopolis to help Octolings learn the Inkling language, to help them take to life on the surface more quickly. Cora also set up a partnership with Ammo Knights to use Shel-drones to send supplies to fixing the infrastructure down to the Canyon and Valley, for those who wished to stay there instead, under agreement with Octavio that he wouldn't just use the supplies to wreak havoc on Inkopolis.

"There are Octolings living here now, too," Cora told him. "You wouldn't want to hurt them, right?"

Octavio laughed. "Loosen up, little revolutionary. I'm not gonna spin up any war crimes right now. I kept my word before, didn't I?"

Cora scowled. "You took the Zapfish again. You waited two years, but --"

"No, I didn't," Octavio said. "I took Callie, and she took the Zapfish. It's different, see?" Another booming laugh erupted from him at the look on Cora's face. "Pay attention to the words people say, little revolutionary! Words are important!"

"I'm not 'little.' I'm eighteen years old --"

"And I'm over one hundred. You're little."

And so it went. It wasn't perfect. It felt like there was always more to do. But for five years, Cora felt as though she was putting good in the world. And that was reason for her to get up each day, for her to shower and brush her teeth, for her to be able to eat. It didn't fix everything -- she still had to take sleeping medication if she wanted to sleep peacefully, she saw a therapist twice a week, and on Marina's advice she retired Ol' Faithful for a brella instead, because a more defensive weapon made her feel less reluctant and guilty to use it than a shooter type did -- but it helped.

Shortly after she turned 21, Cuttlefish retired and named her the new captain.

"You've the one who's changed this whole outfit for the better!" he said. "If anyone deserves to be captain, it's you."

"Plus Callie and Marie are too busy, right?"

"Well . . ." Cuttlefish stroked his chin sheepishly. "Mostly it's the thing I said."

Of course, things didn't progress without their hiccups. The Great Zapfish went missing for the third time, and Cuttlefish jumped to blaming Octavio for breaking the treaty. Likewise, when Octavio's octotroopers went missing at the same time, he blamed Cuttlefish for simultaneously breaking the treaty. And all of this landed Cora, the Squid Sisters, and a new agent Cuttlefish had recruited -- the new Agent 3, now that Cora was captain, and older than both Cora and Reed had been when they were recruited, a request Cora herself had made to Cuttlefish years earlier -- exploring the depths of Alterna. In the end, Cuttlefish was dried out, but they stopped Mr. Grizz from transmogrifying everyone into mammals, so it was at least a net good for the Squidbeak Splatoon, in Cora's opinion.

(Though the fact that Grizzco continued to operate even after Mr Grizz's demise . . . that was something to deal with another time, particularly since taking down Grizzco meant going through Reed. And while Reed was everything Cora hated bundled into a single person, she was also a one squid army. Cora was no slouch, but Reed was hazard level max.)

There was always more work to be done. And some days were still much harder than others. Seven years had passed since her initial crusade into Octo Canyon, and yet Cora still had to consciously try to smile. But she was doing better. She was doing so much better, one day at a time. Sitting in her comfy clothes, in her clean apartment, with her headphones on watching music videos and enjoying a big bowl of chocolate ice cream after a long day of hard work as Captain of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, helping those who needed it any way she could.

This is peace for her.

[cryptidpandas]

here's my ramblings about the Hamato ninpo, specifically Leo's ninpo, and how it all relates to trust

spoilers for my fic, up to chapter 18

(Skip to the " ~~~~ " for the main point of my rambling)

When I first started writing the ideas I had for my fic, I knew from the start I didn't want Leo to have the ability to use his ninpo/portals. It's basically a road trip/adventure fic, so being able to use portals would kinda make everything too easy. Not much character growth if you can just teleport away from all your problems. (there's probably a deeper analysis there about Leo's signature ability being portals and how he deflects negative emotions and some sort of connection, but that's a different topic for a different day)

So, the next question was if Leo couldn't use his portals, how did he lose them in relation to the story?

The easy answer would be an incident with the Krang, just like in the movie. But, I also wanted Mikey and Donnie to be able to use their own ninpo, so it had to all be on Leo. ALSO, I didn't want too much focus to be on the Krang, since one of the main plot points is that the invasion didn't last very long, and wasn't too traumatic. (also that the government is actually the true villain)

I went back and rewatched the last few episodes of season 2, as well as the movie several times.

When the brothers unlock their ninpo, it's because Raph learns how to trust in his family. The line is literally "trust us, like we trust you". So, the basis of ninpo itself is the trust they have with each other.

In the movie, their ninpos become 'blocked', which could be seen as a metaphor for them losing trust in each other (Raph vs Leo, Donnie and Mikey not agreeing with Leo, but following along anyway, Leo not trusting in his brothers, etc. I could go WAY deeper into the movie analysis, but again, different topic for a different day). And while it's not directly stated in the movie, they all unlock their ninpo by Leo learning to listen, and trust, essentially, his brothers, and himself.

In the fic...they don't have the same situation with the Krang. Instead, they're put into a broken world with a more complex political situation.

When you're in an environment with constant trauma and no positive resources, you start to lose trust in yourself. Finding hope becomes harder and harder, especially when you're supposed to take care of others or be in charge/a leader.

The Krang apocalypse is basically the worst-case scenario: the world is literally being destroyed, and all life is being wiped out or Krang-ified. You either hold onto hope and keep fighting, or you die.

In an apocalypse like The Last of Us, or any zombie media (The Walking Dead, Z Nation, World War Z[the book], etc), most of the conflict is on a more intimate level. The zombies caused the collapse of comfortable, normal society, but it doesn't happen all at once, or on an even playing field. Some areas survive better than others, some pieces of society (like the government) sacrifice others to stay alive.

It's kinda the main difference between alien invasion movies and zombie movies. Aliens, while very bad, can unify everyone against them. Zombies, typically, bring out the worst in human nature/society.

~~~~~~~~~

By putting the Hamatos in a zombie infested world, they have to face the breakdown of society in a way that is the antithesis to TRUST.

You can't trust the government, you can't trust humans, who in turn can't trust mutants/yokai, and you can't trust that the person standing next to you isn't Infected and hiding it.

So, Leo loses his trust in himself, the world, and his family. And that breaks his ninpo. He can't trust anyone, so it's better to be alone and trust no one.

But, then he ends up taking care of Casey, and the two of them together, they being to heal. Leo has no choice but to start trusting in himself so he can protect and train Casey.

And then, he has to save Casey, and he needs his ninpo to do it.

When it comes to forgiveness and learning how to trust yourself again, it's not just saying "I'm sorry" over and over and over again, taking all of the blame for yourself. Guilt is not black and white. Yes, there are things that can be directly cause and effect, and apologizing for mistakes is important.

But living beings are full of mistakes, and make them constantly. The kindest, most genuinely good person you know, has made mistakes that they could be blamed for, and they will make mistakes again.

You will make mistakes that are technically your fault, and learning to live with that is just part of life.

Leo takes every mistake he's ever made and lets them drown him in guilt and shame, then creating a cycle where his lack of trust, care, and forgiveness for himself leads him to making more mistakes/poorer decisions.

The only way he's able to unlock/fix his ninpo is by acknowledging the fact that he can't just keeping saying "I'm sorry" or hold onto the guilt because he thinks he deserves it. The only way out is through, and part of it is accepting that mistakes will happen, and he will fuck up. But what matters is that he keeps trying to be better, and trust in himself that he can do it, and also trust in those around him who he cares for, and who care for him in return.

I almost did write a Good Will Hunting-ish scene of Leo nonstop apologizing, and Raph saying "it's not your fault", but....it's not that simple. Because there were things Leo could have done differently, but also........he was hurting...mentally, emotionally, and physically.

But, that also doesn't mean he's supposed to just let himself rot in the guilt of it all. There are ways to make amends, there's ways to be better, but also....he's a person, and people make mistakes.

Leo is, ultimately, a good person, and a hero. But he's flawed, because literally everyone else is, and being a good person/hero doesn't mean he won't make mistakes, and also shouldn't be held (or hold himself) to that standard.

There's a difference between knowingly hurting others and causing harm, and lashing out because you yourself are hurting.

~~~~~~~~

That's........pretty much everything in my head about that. I apologize for the repeated/redundant or scatterbrain arguments/ramblings, but also, my ADHD is strangling me and I don't have time to go through and edit this. Hopefully, it makes enough sense (just like Leo, I'm trying not to hold myself to impossible perfectionist standards akdsfdfsf. Practicing what I preach and all that)

Anyway, if you read this, ily and I hope you have a wonderful day <3