#and like it's particularly disappointing bc even if we have to keep both they *do* have actual potential but they just don't. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atlasllm · 1 year

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WAIT DID U MEAN HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD???? HAVE U HEARD WAR CHILD? PARADISE LOST?

PARTY BY MYSELF???!!!!!!!

YEAH HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD KJBGDKD

I didn't answer this ASAP since I wanted to give my full Lore about Hollywood Undead + please remember I'm terrible with music genres so like

One of the things I really enjoy about music is buildup; hence why one of my favorite MCR songs is Demolition Lovers. It's 6 minutes of switching from part to part very beautifully, as well as constructing the narrative of the aforementioned Lovers. You get the soft intro, leading up into those initial "I'm trying, I'm trying", which stops but fades again to the "All we are are bullets", which ends in that AWESOME guitar solo(?) that keeps building and building to the "Phantoms forever" part.

Lots of other songs I enjoy have this sort of buildup; Undefeatable from Sonic Frontiers (which like, kinda makes sense as it's both a really good song and also meant to build up to each section of the boss battle it's from), King For A Day by Pierce the Veil, Last One Standing by Simple Plan, City Traffic Puzzle or Sweet Tangerine by The Hush Sound...

Heck, even when listening to Evanescence in 3rd grade I probably enjoyed Bring Me To Life for that reason as well

This Love This Hate has the benefit of also being a Blorbo(tm) song which is another story entirely that I don't feel like telling; but overall I enjoyed the buildup of that song and since I heard it first in a Blorbo AMV + I always associated its lyrics with said blorbo, but that was my first Hollywood Undead song. I'm not sure what genre it feels like since it doesn't sound like the harsher rocks of Three Days Grace or the pop punks of the Emo Trinity, but whatever it is, it's just overall very good at portraying a highly specific mood; similar to Viva La Vida by Coldplay to me, where it's such a melancholic mood for a feeling you simply can't place, but it still makes you Feel anyway.

Sell Your Soul I actually found through a random speedpaint video; I think I was actually looking for speedpaint vids set to This Love This Hate since sometimes I wanna see visuals while listening to my music when lyric vids don't suffice. It def feels more on the rock spectrum than This Love This Hate, which I absolutely enjoyed; but ough the BUILDUP being so much harshly rock-ish helps a lot. The lyrics always gave me the impression of someone being led to their own public execution; screaming from within that they fear their own incoming death, the fear and shame from realizing how many people come to celebrate YOUR OWN DEMISE, to some part of you saying FUCK IT, THROW IT ALL AWAY! FORGET ME! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! since either way, you're dying. Considering I enjoyed Three Days Grace in 3rd grade, I think there's something self indulgent in the lyrics + harsh music of Sell Your Soul.

This Love This Hate was just very personally endearing to me, like a blorbo-themed Viva La Vida. Sell Your Soul was outright BOPPIN' to me since its harsh lyrics and rock-y tone was just very appealing to me.

However, I remember going on a Hollywood Undead binge after accidentally finding Sell Your Soul... only to be a little disappointed that the things I was finding just wasn't capturing that same energy of either song

I definitely do have more Hollywood Undead songs in my playlists than just Sell Your Soul and This Love This Hate, but they're not particularly songs I've gone as crazy for as those two.

I'm not sure if I have time to re-listen to all of these to fully digest, but in re-listening to Levitate I quite like the sound but not particularly crazy for the lyrics. Young is odd because I quite enjoy the instrumentals I'm hearing, but something about the vocals isn't really hitting me as crazily either.

Also just in case bc I forgot it's one of their top songs: Bullet is pretty nice, I quite enjoy the contrast between sad lyrics and boppin' instrumentals! I have no problems with it other than it sounds quite different than the rest of my music playlist so that's why I haven't added it. Not to mention I did used to listen to it during my very bad sad boi hour moments so I definitely need to be in a specific mood to listen to it.

Paradise Lost is the only title I recognize from your ask, but listening to it again it DOES have a bit of dramatic buildup, but it's not hitting me quite much. It has a soft instrumental at the beginning but very harsh vocals, which is a bit of whiplash I personally am not a fan of for this song. I quite like how the chorus sounds at least! But it's such a highly specific vibe that I personally DON'T vibe with; I'll probably add it to my Liked Songs, but not my actual playlists. Not to mention I tend to add music on if I can see myself drawing to them, which I'm not really getting that vibe with Paradise Lost

BUT (and I'm doing this live as I write this post), I will listen to your other songs rq!

War Child, live thoughts:

what the fuck a horn

first lyrics this is more of a #slay song than the dramatics of sell your soul/this love this hate

this fr sounds like the kind of song you'd put over your best gameplay footage

i think that's what i'm thinking tbh, i tend to like more dramatic lyrics, but at the very least i'm enjoying the instrumentals! the vocals are pretty nice too even though they're talking about ass and alcohol; just kind of a disappointment for someone who's more for the dramatic songs

Good song! I could imagine myself drawing to this, but I am more for more dramatic lyrics than "mm girl sexy". I feel like I'd add this to my more boppin' playlists rather than my full on mish-mash of dramatic songs.

Party By Myself, live thoughts:

kiinda don't like this intro for some reason @_@

party music??

this feels more of a #slay song as well

this rap is bumpin' though

yea this absolutely feels like party music; GOOD party music though, like the kind you'd find on a 2012 dj playlist

once again, v bumpin! just perhaps not the kind of dramatic i tend to enjoy

Once again, good song! Oddly enough has the vibe of 2012 party playlists? I'm not sure if it's "imagine myself drawing" levels, but definitely I can see myself listening to this if I wanna feel those #party vibes. And there are a LOT of good party vibes songs out there.

The verdict: Bumpin' songs with no drama go in the Edgar Allan Poe meme playlist

I thiiink I prefer Party By Myself more than War Child? Those 2012 party music vibes just hit much better than the general #slay energy of the latter.

Once again, there's some level of disappointment I feel however; I do in fact tend to love the more dramatic vibes of Sell Your Soul and This Love This Hate in my general music. It's why I enjoy My Chem so much! Heck, my newest songs in my main playlist are about the #drama;

1.) A guitar instrumental cover of a song trying to capture the vibes of "The End"; a credits song, a death, your OWN even so!

2.) Love From The Other Side was introduced to me by a friend who also enjoys Fall Out Boy and introduced it to me as "dude the new FOB song sounds so anime". It's very dramatic in its buildup! ...But also Fall Out Boy lyrics have always been slightly incoherent to me so JKSBGKFS I don't tend to care as much when it comes to their lyrics

3.) Okay this one I added because it reminded me of an OC dynamic when I found it but like,,, cmon it sounds like breakup angst

4.) Heard this randomly as well, but always associated with a sort of seething hatred for someone who's wronged you; it feels like a musical embodiment of glaring intensely at someone

5.) Once again was imagining this one with an OC dynamic and like,,, yeah. #Drama

I think the TLDR is this:

I love drama and buildup within my music, and This Love This Hate and Sell Your Soul were perfect brainrotting songs back when I first listened to them! I would attempt to get into Hollywood Undead more, but each song I listened to just didn't really hit me as much as I wanted; maybe the vocals for one song weren't my cup of tea, maybe it was too much boobs sex and alcohol in the lyrics, maybe the instrumentals just weren't hitting me. Paradise Lost is definitely better than I remember, though once again still not HITTING me as well as those first two songs, and it's still not one I'd consider for my main playlist.

I'm glad to be able to share music with others, and I do quite enjoy the songs you've listed! I do quite enjoy Party By Myself more than War Child since it captures those 2012 party music vibes. However, there's once again the disappointment in simply preferring more dramatic songs than the #slay and party music vibes of these two. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, it's pretty much a matter of personal preference and a bit of surprise I managed to fall in love with Sell Your Soul and This Love This Hate out of all the songs from Hollywood Undead that DON'T fit their vibes! It's just a shame since in listening to those two I was hoping to find another Three Days Grace or Green Day kind of band within Hollywood Undead, but it's just simply not the vibe they tend to pursue within their music and I respect that.

Overall I enjoyed being able to ramble about this, and I'm at least happy to be introduced to new Hollywood Undead songs even if the vibes of them are the opposite of what I tend to enjoy within my general music taste :] Thank you so much for introducing me to them!

#atlas speaks;#atlas answers;#straycalamities

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privacyredux · 8 days

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53oz

8:57pm - joshua tree

this'll be quick bc i'm pretty distracted to be honest. i just don't wanna lose the habit by skipping on it completely. i tried to talk to charlie about what she'd want from japan, but i think she kind of just seemed happy that i wanted to get her anything at all and insisted i should pick it out and she'd be happy with whatever. eric more or less confirmed the same thoughts on her. it's nice and i know she'll be happy with anything bc i thought of her, but i really hope i manage to find something she'd actually enjoy not just have and hold on to bc it was a gift. good luck to me i guess haha

i had some more pretty deep talks with valeria last night about relationships and like future shit. it was honestly pretty interesting how supportive she was on some of my feelings on things. there have been multiple occasions where i kind of felt like it would be on me to compromise the biggest in a relationship bc if i was unwilling it would feel like taking something important away from the other person. and even having those kinds of feelings sometimes felt like i was hanging on to something immature and stupid. and i'll be honest at the root of some of those feelings there are insecurities and hurt feelings, but it was just kind of nice to have someone validate that it's not wrong to feel that way and it isn't actually taking something away from a person you love. i think ultimately, it still depends on the relationship and the two people as to what an actual compromise would be, but i dunno. i said it already, but it felt kind of validating and i felt a bit less like an asshole. i'm really hoping we can keep up with talk about this kind of shit once im not in la and im on tour and even when she's touring... i don't know if there's any specific tour she's headed on soon, but if she does. it's really a good spot in my day.

we also, earlier today rather than late last night spoke about some of the stories in the podcast i was listening too. one was about a doll that was connected to a ghost of a toddler where the woman who bought the doll threw it in the trash after encountering the ghost and just how awful it is to have thrown out that little girl ghost like that. particularly bc when she'd taken the doll home initially she had treated her with some motherly care it just ugh. it sucked to think about things from the little girl's perspective and i just had to vent about it. plus there was one where a little girl dreamt a premonition about the next day that saved her life, but it also had disappointing elements of her father kind of not showing enough concern/not believing her experiences. also required a decent amount of venting. it was nice to share though.

she did confirm last night that she does enjoy talking to me about as much as i do her, so that was good. made me feel better and like i wasn't being some fucking weirdo up her ass bothering her about dumb shit all the time.

eric and i talked a bit today about girls and shit. he kinda knows more or less where im at with things. obviously i don't get too into specifics on everything, but i think he knows and understands where im coming from. it's a weird situation with being busy and also wanting to really get to know people i dunno. it was nice to talk about it a little bit. and then, i think things are going fairly well between him and charlie. like there definitely seem to be moments one or both of them backs off a little bit maybe due to nerves maybe not, but it seems like they've been good at talking shit through and moving forward. i told him he's blown past me at this point. i haven't even kissed anyone for... well a decent amount of time. not even a ghost. i think im happy though.

tomorrow is rosalie's party and then i'll go home. i feel like im gonna want to fit in a lot of stuff tomorrow and as much as it feels like a bit of a goodbye i'm really not even gone that long. i think it's just the process of getting your shit together and getting out the door that makes it feel like it's going to be a long time, but it's nothing at all. could practically go unnoticed. heh i guess this wasn't quite as short as i was thinking itd be, but it always seems to go that way i think.

the one last thing is once im back from japan i need to figure out all my individual show dates and figure out what i wanna do about asking if anyone wants to come etc. and that'll probably help to sort out my head a bit. that and time.

my mind's really on s'mores now though and all the potential combinations.

you can't be missed if you never go away - cobra starship

#please don't use names i'm trying to be more forthcoming but i don't wanna put anything out there other people wouldn't want told

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survivor-marieta-islands · 1 year

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Episode 1: "Why do I hear Boss Music?"—Zee

Antigua

Steven

Hey y’all!!! I’m just your average line cook that is sweating his ass off in the summer heat. If I’m not working then I’m probably watching reality tv or playing something Pokémon related.

Ellie

HIIII have y'all missed me?? the original idol and immunity giving snake queen has returned to her throne of ninth place. I have missed this omg, I haven't been super active bc of college and shit but thankfully i am in an alliance (hate the feeling of not being in one) with my bestie baes Raffy and Colin called chaos CREw (see what we did there) I genuinely want to play with them and have us be f3 just bc i think it would be fucking hilarious!!! bye party people, ttyl

Jinx

AUGUST 10th, 2023 (2:22PM) CURRENTLY: Watching two GAY PEOPLE play Phasmophobia while queueing a playlist of 557 KPOP songs. BACKGROUND: This season Jinx wants to try to focus more on written confessionals as it’s what is most accessible for the majority of people and they did tell people in their intro that they’re a writer, afterall. In an effort to bring some humor, honesty and flair to their Survivor Stings ORG experience they are trying to adopt their detective persona from Raccoon City in the voice of Noir Spiderman from Spiderverse (with some Barbie energy tbh). It is very very likely that they’ll abandon or forget or just be completely against this persona fearing it is cringe beyond measure – but they may also keep it up as it’s kinda fun. Either way, they’re writing and that is a feat. A writer who doesn’t write is simply a flop.

LMAOO ANYWAYS I don’t know how to be serious in this type of way completely but I was feeling myself when writing the above so I will accept it and move on. If I’m not consistent with it, at least I tried! Which is really what this season is about on a personal level for me. It’s about meeting myself where I’m at. I expressed to Jay in my confessional that I’m frustrated at the current state of personal affairs even if it is temporary.

Coming into this season of Stings, I feel like I have a lot to give back and a lot left to express. Two seasons in a row, while I have nothing to regret about the games I have played – I have regrets about the personal relationships I have failed to maintain and the ones I failed to cultivate. I remember everyone from both seasons, I actually do care about them, I also know that these personal feelings may not align with others personal feelings about me. That it might not be what other people feel from me due to my absence. Due to my inability to have a good social game particularly last season. Saying yes to Stings this season, I was optimistic about the direction my life was heading and still am. More so, about the environments, the time I’d have, the attitude I’d come in with. It wouldn’t be burdened with the same struggle I have come into the last two seasons with and in a way – it isn’t.

In a way, I am simply sick of my own shit which may add to the judgment I am placing on myself. Not only judgment but the idea that my presence was really of THAT much importance to anyone in or out of game. I wanted to be much more confident and self assured that I would be different this time, not just disappear post season because of life circumstances as if not everyone has life get in the way. I know now I am still being kinder to myself than I have in the past – I do not write this with actual anger towards myself, striking disappointment, deep frustration but with a heavy sigh of here we go again. Though, with this awareness I know I can change my actions for the better. Even if I fail, I can try again. There’s an air of compassion that I’ve cultivated with and for myself. It’s definitely different than over a year ago when I first played Stings.

When I first played Stings – it was because Amy begged me to. Around six people had dropped out and she just needed a body, someone to play and be there. Paired with Raffy hosting – it was an easy sell. When falling down the rabbit hole of Survivor Stings, I didn’t expect to love an ORG or an environment or cast this much. I had just moved out, I was a mess on a level I knew of but never was allowed to investigate due to not being in a safe environment for so long until then. As I investigated, I was playing Survivor Stings. It’s weird to think that I am such a different person than I was even a year ago because as I’ve written this I don’t think I’ve given myself any faith, credit or hope that I am. I don’t even think I’ve expressed the changes and turns my life and myself have taken. I am so used to the disappointment that comes with failing that I forget how much I’ve succeeded and how far I’ve come. These are old narratives we sometimes tell ourselves when we don’t know how to write new ones. When we don’t know what the new ones will be. When it feels too scary to step into the greatness that we have earned because we are scared we are not worthy of it.

See me? I like knowing. To jump into the unknown always seems like a step back, even if I am of the risk taking variety, I like to take risks that are calculated. Moving cross country the way I have was the most uncalculated risk I have ever taken in my life and while it paid off – for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This oversight has caused me to feel a fear I haven’t since I moved out, I have seen as I have fallen into old patterns that are just really indicative of what my comfort zone is and why I need it currently. Even though I sometimes sit in doubt thinking I cannot break the cycle, I know I already have many times before. I know that I will, again and again. I wanted to come into Survivor Stings this time without thinking of all this. I guess that was my mistake, to think that playing an online Survivor game wouldn’t unearth something in me as it always does. This time though – I am the least certain of what it (the unearthed) will be than I ever have been. For once, I’m not really sure who I’ll be at the end of this game (because yes, I hope and plan to be at the end of this game) and it doesn’t completely scare me to not know. Maybe I’ll let myself down. Maybe I’ll surpass my expectations more than I could have ever imagined. Maybe I’ll be first boot. Either way, I don’t know and I am not trying to control it. That’s how I’m coming into this game.

I’ve only played one other ORG this entire calendar year – which is a feat for me. I go into ORGs with a lot more intentionality now, though it may seem so serious to me to be writing this all – it’s just how I am as a person. Hyper verbal, overly invested, able to detach quickly and grateful for the opportunity to be attached to an ORG I admire so much. I love these games, no matter how many bad experiences I have (which are plenty), no matter how many times ORGs have made me abuse my Xanax prescription, I will never say I will retire. They connect me to a part of myself that I felt was long gone, they connect me to so many people who have changed my life for the better. I think sometimes the point is to show up for yourself where you’re at when playing these games and not detach from it because we won’t take much from these games otherwise. For me, ORGs are a practice of being present with myself, learning other people, playing a game that is fun and brings out parts of me to overanalyze and understand. To win doesn’t mean getting first place to me – though that would be nice this time around – to win would be to at peace with myself. To know I played the best game I possibly could, that I am proud of the game I played, that I know I rose to the occasion and didn’t shy away from it.

During FTC last season, in my closing speech I quoted something along the lines of: Faith isn’t free – it costs us our cynicism and demands we spend a lifetime practicing it. I have been in constant practice of feeding my cynicism to the abyss, hoping that the faith I cultivate from letting go of it is no longer blind but earned. No matter what, this is what I aim to practice this season. Faith. In myself, my decisions, my intuition and my gameplay. I think it’s time for me to let go of the fears, the imposter syndrome, the trauma and move forward because this is a chance to practice. We don’t get enough chances to practice this delicate process in everyday life. This is what I am protecting, this is what drives me to get to the end of this game. In this current life transition, the knowledge that this isn't permanent and I have the honor of shaping my game, myself, my future in however way I want to. I want to lead with faith. As I write that, I cry. Because I am so scared to put this into practice but that’s exactly why I have to. I deserve to give myself the chance. XOXO, Gossip Jinx

eman

I know I say this every time but this time I really mean it.

It's vibes.

No plans.

I'm gonna let the game carry me.

What happens happens.

Promise.

🫡

Colin

WOOO GO GERIATRIC TRIBE

the game started last night and i'm LOVING this. so many old jokes to be made. and made they shall be. some of these people are so old that I don't even know them, and i've been around since the birth of christ.

pre season i said that if I didn't have a night one alliance then i would have failed. and unfortunately i failed. but i do have the groundwork for several partnerships. Ellie broke the ice by saying f2, so that's a thing. I love working with Ellie but sometimes they're too chaotic for their own good.

I had a great lil game talk with Steven last night. we agreed that we're gonna play this game naturally, and just accept that previous relationships are going to be a factor (i mean its a fucking all stars game). Usually we try to avoid each other because everyone just EXPECTS us to work together, but none of that this time. I'd love to work closely with Steven, I've never gotten the chance to before.

I spent like 45 mins on the call with jinx after everyone else left, we bonded over past org trauma and both of us living in missouri. it was a nice lil meeting. I think I can see myself wanting to work with them. they're very interesting.

and ofc I wanna work with Amy. Amy is an absolute treasure to the community. AND WE LIVE LIKE 30 MINS FROM EACH OTHER??! so we've already planned to attend some tribals together and meet up for some coffee. it'll be such a gag. i'm excited.

thats what I got for first impressions. gonna spend the rest of the day playing flash games and seeing what else I can learn about people and how they feel about the game.

bye bye

Amy

The Olds tribe is ICONIC and I literally do not want to go to tribal so I hope we win. I am also currently playing a two day mini right when this game started so I haven't been great with initial connections. Just banking on the fact that I know most people to get me through for now. This whole cast is iconic. Gonna be a fun one!

Jinx

oh i have GOT to rethink playing orgs and working full time. thinking i need to quit my job -- thoughts? bad idea, right?

Steven

There is a lot of people from T&T here which is kinda stressful since it literally just happened. Will there be drama from last season going to affect this one? Who knows but it’s definitely not what I was hoping for when signing up for this game. I will say that I am thankful to be old. The last few games I felt a need to hide my past in orgs and play down aspects of it but since everyone on the tribe has played them for years I don’t see a need to lie about it. Hopefully with being able to be more free to talk about my past I will be able to connect to everyone easier. Also there is a decent amount of stings winners on the tribe which is also a benefit and since I don’t think I need to hide that I have won in the past as a worry for putting a target on my back. My biggest worry right now is im busy today so im not as social as I want to be. The plan is once I finish work tomorrow is to put my social game into full gear and get everyone to love me. I just need to do it before results are posted so it doesn’t look sus and im just doing to not get booted. From the looks of it though we are up a point (thanks to me) and are on track for two more. Cross my fingers and wish me luck

Maddison

HI HELLO SLUTS (not derogatory) Let's seeee what's goin on. I'm doing a MID job at socializing with everyone tbh I have a total of zero (read: zero) alliances at this point which is ~ not awesome ~ but I've been a busy adult sooooo anywho. Lots of people on this tribe with pre-existing relationships which could play out in a multitude of ways. Raffy is hella consistent with reaching out and is defo social butterflying through this thing right now. Jinx is CUTIE absolutely love them. I'm currently pretending to semi-care about Taylor Swift (i do not) but I think I'm doing a decent job heheh. I've talked to several other people but honestly haven't gotten too far into any discussions and I've had not one single strategy conversation yet. :-) flop era activated. This is so chaotic but I've had three cups of coffee and am just pretending this is my journal. What else uuuuhmmmm one of my biggest mistakes during TDF was not talking to everyone on the tribe at the top. I need to rectify that this go around but haven't gotten there yet. Maybe this evening I can dedicated some time to networking lmfaooo. Okay that's all. Stay tuned folks happy Sunday <3

eman

Remember how I said on day one that it was no strategy only vibes and that I was only gonna see where the game took me.

And how swear to god this time I was serious.

I was a lying liar who lied.

Day two saw me up at the buttcrack of dawn to go to a National park and also trying to get a photo of an alpaca.

It still didn't do any good. We still lost the scavenger hunt.

Thank god we still won as a team for other reasons.

I'm all crankypants about losing the scavenger hunt though.

But at least we're still winning as a team.

And hopefully other team vibes will carry me through. I'm not willing to name names yet.

Yet.

Colin

WOOO WE WON THE CHALLENGE. i'm so glad because I feel like if this tribe of icons was going to tribal so soon, it'd be an absolute toss up. everyone is really formidable and I don't think anyone would be leaving without a fight.

i've been talking game a little bit here and there. i talked with raffy today and we came up with a little plan for securing our spots on the tribe.

we both LOVE amy and jinx, so we're gonna try to align with them. honestly I was wanting to make a missouri alliance with amy and jinx anyway, and i'm certainly not opposed to working with raffy.

i was talking to ellie yesterday and they mentioned the cursed idea of us + raffy + steven. except I dont think it's that cursed. I think i'd actually love to work with all of them. I really wanna make it work between Steven and I, we've never gotten a chance to work so closely before.

SO we're also gonna try to set up a side alliance with those four. I think the raffy + amy + jinx will be my main alliance, but covering all my possible bases is great. the tribe is still pretty big so working with a lot of people is smart, otherwise you'll get blindsided by the people you're not working with.

youtube

Steven

youtube

Zoe

hi hello WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING BACK HERE IN SURVIVOR I really and truly am a chicken with my head cut off this round I forget how to play BUT I do feel that I'm building good social bonds with a few people which could make for me being an excellent göat xoxo Also thank heck we didn't have to go to the first tribal because I'm positive I would have been voted out lol

eman

Feelings and all . . . where would eman be without feelings. I dunno, man.

Idol hunt started and I found a backpack that had a metal detector and because I'm a Scorpio who can't keep a secret I went running. Why'd I go running to Amy, I don't even know, something told me to and that SOMETHING was right . . .

Cuz Amy had already been idol hunting and she got somewhere that said she needed a metal detector and whadaya know she's now let me in on her idol hunting.

So . . . maybe something's gonna happen . . .

We'll see.

It's weird that I'm pathologically incapable of carrying on a simple conversation IRL and yet incredibly good at the social game in Stings.

This tribe is nice.

Soup to nuts.

Raffy

This game is going to be intense from start to finish. I can feel it. I'm going to have to be extremely strategic to navigate through this mess. Here is my first impression of the cast:

1. Colin: We have never really gotten the chance to work together deep into a game. I feel like when we work together we always end up never going far together lol. Maybe that means I should not work with them, but I will try to feel them out. I can definitely see them being able to play more low-key and navigate easily through this tribe. Definitely not a name that can be thrown out easily.

2. Ellie: It is not a question of "if"; it is a question of "when" Ellie and I will work together. We always manage to get backed into the same corners in games so we also end up being forced to work together. I know if I need someone to flip or give me information, I can rely on them to give me what I need. What will be interesting is if we land on different sides. Though I can see Eman adopting Ellie and Ellie working with Maddison, Jinx, and Zo. Honestly I think Ellie has the most open game on my tribe so I think I want to get on their good side for the time being.

3. Eman: I don't know where I stand with Eman. I'm unsure if they will come for me for being amazing. I'll have to feel them out and get to know them more. However, currently, they are on my shortlist of people to get voted out of this tribe only because I am really unsure where I would stand.

4. Jinx: Jinx is going to be loyal to me 1000% if I am loyal to them back. However, I really don't know if I want to work with Jinx in this game because I like to shake things up and I don't know if our goals will align with who we want to work with. I wanna see who they get on with. I also worry that Jinx will be a late pre-merge boot if they get swap screwed. Though it is incredibly hard to turn down a guaranteed number and safety.

5. Maddison: A person I've never played with before! Her and Zo are the wildcards of the group. I just have a strong feeling they will work with Ellie and Zo. Those 3 kind of give off similar energy. But, I might want to be the fourth in that alliance. I really don't wanna vote her out, but she would be on my shortlist if it came down it.

6. JG: JG is a great guy. He's very loyal which is good. He hasn't been too online for the premiere which is always a worry since people might see you as inactive. But, he has a board game night with his friends so we'll see. I just don't know how JG will fit into any combination of alliances with people so I think he might already be on the outs? But that's just my worry since I do wanna work with him, I just don't see who would want to work with him with me. I'll put him on the shortlist of people too only because I feel like everyone would.

7. Steven: I love Steven so much. Do I want to work with Steven this game? Honestly I am not sure. I love talking to him so would love to get the chance to work with him again, but idk I get the vibe we might be on different sides. I think he'll definitely try to work with Colin and Amy. He might even bring in JG. Maybe that's the side that opposes the Ellie, Maddison, Zo (and maybe Eman) side that I've already conjured up in my head.

8. Zo: I want to work with her so bad. I've only talked with her for like 10 minutes, but I can already tell she's great and will be beneficial. Seems like an easy person to get along with and will be a way in for people I don't talk to. Very social butterfly. Very much how Ellie and I work together. I just hope she vibes with me. I would hate to be on opposite sides.

9. Amy: I fucking stan Amy so hard. I would love to work with Amy in this game. I kind of want to push Amy as my shield and cut her near the end so that I can win. A little bit of role reversal on my part. We'll have to see what her schedule is like though for this game as that kinda determines her activity lol.

Overall, I feel pretty good about this tribe. I think most people will see me as helpful rather than detrimental for the pre-merge phase. I think if I just chill and not game too hard that I'll be able to survive at least all of pre-swap. I'm too valuable during the pre-merge to let go at this point in time.

The other tribe definitely has some characters and threats. I do not trust Clefford, putting that out there. He's a devious little scamp. Trinica is an icon and would love to work with them, but I think we need to work together in pre-merge first because I wanna establish a rapport with them before I work with them in this game. AJ and Zee are definitely on my shortlist only because they are literally so chaotic that I think Ellie would be swayed into joining them. If they made it to merge, it's gonna be Ellie, Maddison, AJ, Zee, and Zo. Oh and Adeline is probably ALREADY working with AJ and Zee so add them onto that alliance too lol. Ellie is foaming at the mouth to work with Adeline again. I already know. Just watch. Love seeing Hairie and Brandi back. I feel like they are going to work together.

Sin Sazonar

Trinica

First impression: FUCK Second impression: DOUBLE FUCK

Basically, all the cool cats are on the oldies tribe, so my little babies tribe is screwed in this first challenge. Clefford wasn't around to pick a category so got put on pro gamers when he doesn't have a freaking computer and then immediately submitted super low scores instead of talking to his teammates about it, Shawn asked to do Popularity but seems to have only posted on social media instead of in VLs, Hairie was on trivia because he was quite literally the only one of us willing to do it who seemed to have seen a ton of Survivor but he lost because Steven is a superfan, and Tanner has now been moved to the scavenger hunt, a challenge he historically flopped on in Trinidad & Tobago. Like he only submitted 2 items and didn't do them correctly so didn't get any points for it. The ONLY section I think we have a chance at is 3-2-1.

It's honestly just hard to fight against the other tribe! They've been playing orgs longer than us, they're more familiar with Stings as a series, they likely have some challenge know-how/strategy that we don't. I have never played these flash games in my life. You know who probably has played them for hours and hours? Colin and Raffy. And maybe JG but I don't know them.

Not just that, this season is basically North Sea Reunion, which puts me at an immediate disadvantage. Maaaybe I'd have a shot if I was with Jinx and Raffy (or Colin and Steven since I've hosted them). But no, I'm stuck on a tribe with Zee who has seen me blindside AJ, AJ who has been blindsided by me, Hairie who has been blindsided by me, Clefford who has been blindsided by me, Arvin who has been blindsided by me, and Brandi who I never played with but who knows I won. Plus Tanner, who is tight with Hairie and AJ, and Del, who has connections to Clefford and Hairie. I just don't see a world in which A) we don't lose, and B) I'm not first boot.

Some may say I'm being defeatist (*cough* Jay *cough*) but I think I'm being realistic. This is a season I am simply not destined to go far in. My only hope is to convince people I'm good at challenges so should be kept until merge, and I'm a good meat shield.

Tanner

I’m feeling connected to Adeline others there isn’t game talk

Zee

Ok so right now I'm kind of feeling like a kid on their first day of school in a new school, I don’t know anyone and I want to make friends but it seems like everyone already knows each other and I’m just the new kid on the block. I am however taking this new game as a new leaf, since I want to play this game the way I should have played my last one, more trusting, giving, and openhearted. Imma slay the same though, the slay levels are remaining how they are now. Oh and I found that little clue in the rules for the idol hunt so I’m interested to see what that turns out to be :p

Starting this off with an early round one confessional bc why the hell not. Starting out I’m definitely not in a great position, if for the sole reason of I’m on Zee’s tribe. Which is not good. Yeah we say we don’t want to play with each other in the chats and everything, but I’m sure there’ll still be a general assumption/rumor that we’re gonna work together. Given, yk, the whole twin thing.

To be honest I’m not sure if I will be working with her, but we’ll see how alliance making plays out. I think the important thing for me is that she believes I’m playing with her. Given how chaotic she was last season and the somewhat generally negative perception she had, I really don’t think openly being an ally of hers is beneficial, but again, we’ll see what happens.

Also sidenote: I am scared about how many people I do not know on the other tribe.

I think this season I’ll start ranking people’s threat levels to my own game, because again, why not? At this starting point I’m going to just list people, my general vibe and thoughts about them at this point in the game, and also their threat level to my game right now and why I have put them there. (It’s a 1-5 scale - the higher the number the more dangerous)

General thoughts so far. I’m hesitant to work with Trinica bc she’s turned on me in two games now, we’ve got a hesitant thing going with working together for jury but idk if it’ll hold. Worried about Clefford since I didn’t speak to him for 10 months which is literally since we blindsided him. Hairie and Arvin I’m hopeful about. Hairie is a king and we stan. Arvin I kind of lied to constantly last game but he worked with us in the end. He’s probably closer to Trinica or Hairie than me at this point though. Shawn, Brandi, and Adeline I really don’t have any idea about - so I’m hoping to connect with them.

Tanner is the shining light in all of this, because I feel like with a little bit of work I can definitely have him on my side. He’s probably closer to me than anyone else in the game at this point, though I’m not sure who else he’s played with. But he seemed to be on good terms with me when we last spoke so. Fingers crossed we don’t lose and I don’t end up as first boot.

Talked with Trinica some more, I think maybe we can have a solid Jury pact, I hope so. Hairie I can’t quite trust I don’t think, he’s defs a villain esp given what Trinica is saying from watching his host chat. Him and arvin are an alliance to keep an eye on, and also him and Tanner who are apparently closer than I thought. Hopefully I can get a lot of people close to me. It would be really nice to win one of these things. Esp Stings, esp after last time lol.

Arvin

Hey Stings Fam. I'm back! I am so excited to play again, There's a lot of players from my original season and I wonder who's willing to work with me this time, since we all know how we played last time. I feel confident with our tribe that we can win the first immunity but I'm a bit worried that we haven't lock in our tasks yet. I also don't feel confident doing any of the challenges, so if I have to pick one it would be the TikTok got it challenge but it seems like the twins (AJ and Zee) won't let go of it because of the so called twin telepathy. My other choice would be the Stings classic first challenge, scavenger hunt. So I hope I end up doing it. I just hope for the best.

Clefford

My tribe is obviously The North Sea reunion. I was expecting this tribe to have unfamiliar faces, but I just got disappointed. Well, what can I do? Let's just face them.

CAST IMPRESSION

Good thing is that I have my co-Pinoy here, Arvin. I also know Hairie and Tanner in the ORG community. I'm actually shocked to learn that Zee is AJ's twin. They're both pretty and fun, so I'm putting extra effort to connect with them. I also had a chat with Trinica that I'd like to work with her this time. I'm happy to see Adeline, my Racoon City sister, and hopefully consider working again with me. I'll try to get into Shawn and Brandi's vibes, so hopefully they'll be around soon.

Seeing OLD TRIBE (yes, all caps) is pretty exciting. I would love to stay longer, so that I can interact with them. Unfortunately, Jinx is also playing this season. I don't know, but I'm kinda scared of her just the thought of she'll target me if we meet. I'm too kind to be treated that way *cries*. I wish that it's a clean slate between us.

CHALLENGE

Since I was late in the marooning, I got assigned to be in Pro-Gamers category where I had to play 3 challenges under that, and unfortunately, the challenges weren't designed to be played on mobile and I don't have a Laptop (Dear Santa, kidding) so I had to look an hour for a computer cafe to rent in my area. Premerge, I'm a tribe strong kind of player so challenges are really important for me to win to keep me and my tribe safe.

Day 2 and I’m already somewhat concerned. I thought I was doing alright, had some decent conversations with Hairie, Arvin, and surprisingly Clefford. However, I was informed by Zee that both today and yesterday all three of them had already been saying how Trinica and I are tight. I’m not sure how true that is/if that’s true - but it does leave me somewhat worried because I don’t want that to be a general perception out of the gate.

Also according to Hairie a lot of people are speculating about the twin thing, and I’ve straight up confirmed to Brandi that Zee and I live together. Which is another thing that concerns me because like, people are going to think we’re working together so much and I really don’t want that. When we’re together we’re always “the twins” and I really don’t want that to be a thing.

Now, despite my concerns, I’m in two alliance chats. One that Trinica created with Zee and I - jokingly titled the same thing Zee’s host chat was called last season. The second one is titled Timezone Hell, and it is just a trash fire (lovingly.) In it is me, Zee, Clefford (who we blindsided in North Sea), Hairie (who I lied to at team captain, and in amethyst, and at merge and then blindsided him), and Arvin (who I lied to throughout the entire swap and merge, up until I eliminated him.) I trust zero of these people.

Do I think I’m first boot if we go to tribal? I worry that that’ll be the case. I hope not, but it’s my fear. I think my only hope is a swap where I can reunite with Jinx (we stan, I miss them), or Raffy, or even Colin and Steven. Eman is also someone I really want to work with, esp with us having a good connection from DnD. But gah, I just don’t even know what to do or who I’m going to work with. It feels like we’re gonna go to tribal already so I’m trying to make a game plan but goddamn if I’m not struggling.

Zee

Why do I hear Boss Music? That’s what’s going through my head right now. Before we got into the challenge we were all like “oh cool Old School vs New School” no, not cool, mission abort. What we failed to realize was that this now means we are most likely going to get pagonged due to the sheer amount of experience in these games the Mega-Time Returneees over on Antigua have. I can feel it, The Pagonging is among us. As far as people go, AJ and Trinica are fun but it does kinda feel weird talking to them considering they DID host my last game. I’d love to talk to Shawn and Adeline more, hopefully we vibe when they’re both back from vacation. Brandi also seems really nice, and like always I’d love to try an all female alliance, but probably gonna hold off on that a bit.

Shawn

So far, the game has already begun and it's starting fast. Everyone is already getting to know each other or they already know each other. I feel like I missed a huge chapter and it hasn't even been 24 hours. I think I might vote Tanner as my least connect. He doesn't seem to put in the effort. But who knows, the game just started.

Brandi

There is no chance of us winning the games part of the challenge no matter who is playing on sin sazonar- if I remember anything Raffy is amazing at the games

Shawn

So I wake up this morning from a text from Hairie saying "you've been away awhile, home you're enjoying your vacation 💕" which maybe it's the passive aggressive in me that read that as passive aggressive. I respond everyday, I'm working on my part, I haven't really been away THAT much. Maybe I'm reading into it, maybe it's just a nice message, but those are my morning thoughts.

I may have turned something around?? I told Hairie what Zee said about him spreading shit about Trinica and I, I also told him about Clefford being weird this morning. It seems like he’s now super sus of them (hopefully) and may want to get one of them out if (being real probably when) we go to tribal. Which is very good for me. No I don’t have any reason to feel bad about potentially voting Zee out. This is an all star season and that means big moves and taking risks. If that means leaving your twin high and dry so be it.

One of two things is happening. Either she’s being truthful, I’m an idiot, and I go home first. Or she’s doing what was done to her by Kaleigh last season and making stuff up to purposefully keep me close to her. There’s a probability Hairie isn’t spreading Trinica and AJ are close propaganda, and even if he is, knowing Zee isn’t tight lipped about it will definitely make her a bigger threat than me. If I can get him to want to go against them, which he already proposed, I’m golden.

To seal the deal, add a little cherry on top some might say, I also let him know what Clefford said about Tanner as a potential vote, which I already knew Hairie wouldn’t like - since Trinica had already told me about his soft spot/soreness on the topic of Tanner being first boot. I also don’t want Tanner to go - he’s closer to me and Hairie than he’d be to other people, and he willingly tells me about his connections. I also let him know that Zee flat out said we need to eliminate Tanner, which again, had the desired outcome. Now if everything goes well with it - and assuming we attend tribal council, here’s what we could do.

Hairie, Arvin, and I, vote for Zee - we can figure out how to get Arvin on board somehow. Maybe just say she can’t be trusted? That’s a different bridge to cross.

We can tell Shawn that their name got thrown out by Clefford for being inactive despite them being on vacation. Shawn was second boot, and hasn’t played since - thus there’ll hopefully be some, ok well what do we do now. They’ll potentially vote for Clefford. Brandi might still be close enough to Hairie to vote for Zee or Clefford. Trinica will defs be on board to vote for Clefford, because at this point it seems like neither of us trust him. Tanner can get told that Zee and Clefford are both wanting to vote him, and Clefford thinks he can control Tanner.

Adeline knows and worked with Clefford in Racoon City, and knows a lot of people on the other side. That’s definitely something to look out for. We probably can’t tell her about the vote.

Tanner has stated he really dislikes being controlled, by Sam in particular, and will most likely want to eliminate the people spreading his name. We could probably get Clefford out using this method. That’s 4-3 (Clefford-Zee) and is majority either way, even if the other 3 votes are Tanner.

Now this is good because if Clefford manages to find an idol with his early idol hunting access, then he either uses it and Zee goes home in a revote, or he doesn’t use it and goes home. Will this probably change after I have other conversations with other people? Yes. Does this mean that I could potentially get out Zee/Clefford if we go to tribal if I need to? Also yes. So yeah. Feeling tentatively okay about the inevitability of us losing.

The more I think about it though, the more sense it makes for Clefford to be the one out of the two to go home. Adeline doesn’t want a femme/them to go out first, and I honestly agree, so new idea is finding a way for it not to be me, Zee, and potentially for it to be Clefford.

We’re almost definitely going to tribal so. Time to start scheming.

Well results are out. So much has happened since then. Our tribe heard tribal council and really said “bet.” So I guess we’ll go in chronological order of events.

First Zee created a chat for all the non-men without asking half of the people she placed in it. She seems close to Adeline who has mentioned she won’t vote a non-man out first. Which means I should be safe but also means she won’t go along with the plan that’s slowly slowly coming together. Anyway back to the order of events. So Zee has this chat. Shawn and Brandi both say they’re already thinking someone to vote. They say it on three. Brandi says Tanner (big surprise everyone knew he was a name going around) and Shawn says Hairie. HAIRIE. My boy. Anyway I obviously can’t have either of those things. So I’m like oh Shawn idk I’d be more wary of Clefford bc he mentioned your name. Shawn thinks I mean Hairie. And everything hits the fan.

So while I’m running interference of pushing Clefford’s name while trying to look like I’m not pushing Clefford’s name, and making sure Tanner isn’t the vote, and making sure Hairie isn’t the vote - I’m also trying to figure out on the fly how I’m supposed to deal with Hairie’s cryptic but definitely worrying messages in the tribe chat. Shawn seems to have decided to confront Hairie, and clear the air or something, and Hairie was like I’m sorry wtf is happening. Telling Hairie the tea and that his name is out there turns from a soon thing to an even sooner thing out of safety for my own game.

I make it seem like I only said Clefford because he was fine with it earlier and it was that or Arvin who no one would believe. And I made it seem like I wasn’t actively pushing for Clefford. Now, after thinking Clefford was a good choice and telling Tanner it might have been a better choice than voting for Zee, I thought to myself. What if I told Clefford his name was out there. Then I thought, well who would the target be? Zee. Hairie would be on board, I’ve since talked to him about it.

Trinica is allegedly on board. Tanner is on board. Brandi is on the fence but when Hairie wakes up and if he can convince her then that there is five. If we get Arvin that’s six, seven if we have Clefford on board. We may get Shawn - Hairie has mentioned speaking to them about it. If we pull this off it will be iconic and really improve my game in terms of not being seen as a set. Twins are a problem the longer they’re together seems to be the general consensus, if I can play without that being an issue that would be ideal.

And if I get screwed by this oh well. At least I’m attempting to make a big move. At least I’m playing the game. A femmes and thems alliance getting Clefford out is a repeat of North Sea, and I’m not looking to replay that. If this bites me I can’t really be mad though. Hopefully it doesn’t.

TL;DR - Am I the drama? Maybe.

Zee

So Hairie just caused some D R A M A in the tribe chat which is wild, and now apparently my name is out on the table coming from Tanner’s mouth. We’ve also got a Yellowjackets alliance which is very interesting. After the drama I got a pretty passive aggressive message from Hairie and that confused me because I thought we were on good terms, and I didn’t really do anything to him so that kind of made me a bit sad. I’ve really just been trying to be friendly with everyone so that’s kind of very interesting.

I have Alex as a guest in my VL! Very exciting, since I feel like his insight is going to be useful, and it’ll be nice to have an outside opinion on everything that’s going on. I think I’ll talk to him about the Hairie situation and see what insight he has.

Ok so Alex provided good insight, I was wondering if it seemed strange, how Hairie was acting and all, and apparently he thinks it’s out of pocket too so at least I’m not reading into things. Sadly I really like Hairie he seems like a fun person to work with so I hope I can get to the bottom of all this. :((

Wowie. So I just found some big news out from Hairie. I woke up to a message with an apology, but then the boston teaparty of teas happened. SO. Apparently he pushed my name due to some misinformation that was going around. I originally got the assumption that it was Trinica, as AJ suggested that too, and since Trinica did something similar to AJ in North Sea I believed it. HOWEVER my dearest Hairie has said that it was AJ, my own twin, who is spreading the rumor and has been spreading it for days that I’m telling people that hairie is spreading a twin thing and I’m not ok with that. Meanwhile me and Hairie haven’t talked any game, and I never heard a twin convo from anyone. So me and Hairie are now comparing notes, and it’s opened my eyes A LOT. We’re now discussing a vote after our comparison of notes.

I’m honestly kind of nervous about tribal. I feel like there could definitely be some pull for Zee going home. Hairie, who I do actually want to work with, doesn’t know who to trust. Which is honestly valid but also…man it’s just so tough. I don’t want to lead the charge, but I also feel like it may help me be more trusted? Also as always I’m worried I might go home. I learned last season that it’s so easy to get absolutely blindsided, so these may be my only confessionals of the season lmfao.

Current vibe is, Shawn, Brandi, Trinica and I could have a potential little alliance chat on the horizon. I’m not sure - but if we four work together and pull in Tanner we at least have 5 for a Zee vote. Hairie is allegedly down for that too, which would be an easy six. Seven if he pulls in Arvin. IF - and it’s a big if - I’m not being lied to. God I’m about to be OTT in edgic for SURE. I’m gonna be surprised if I’m not.

Crossing all my fingers and toes that I can pull this off and I’m not bit in the ass because of it.

Zee

So it would seem that the vote has shifted to Adeline. Hairie and I had a call after we compared notes, and we talked it out too, he said I seem very chill and fun, when before he couldn’t tell the tone. We added Clefford to the call and now and just like with Hairie I just decided to be like fully honest. I mentioned how I spoke with AJ about wanting an all non-men alliance, and how she was like “yeah lol create it” and how tbh it was actually my bad because I forgot that one step is actually ASKING everyone if they wanted to be in an alliance so that’s a whoopsie daisy on my part. I have also learned that AJ is HARD PUSHING my name, like girly calm down. I also learned that Trinica apparently asked Hairie to do the trivia since nobody else would step up, which was surprising because when Adeline said that he wasn’t putting effort and he was putting pressure, Trinica didn’t say anything in his defense, so she seems ok with that perception of him out in the gamesphere. Hairie, Clefford, and I all ended up comparing notes, and it seems like we’ve made an alliance, calling ourselves the Chopping Block. I spilled literally all the tea I have to them, so I hope that doesn’t bite me in the ass. I told Hairie that I 100% am voting with him, and for this, I told him to prove it that I’d write a specific phrase as my voting message. This is the one I told him “I just realized that, when it's dark out, the stars shining looks like little jellyfish populating the ocean of the night”. I think I’ll send that in the ChopBloc alliance chat. We need to convince the others to vote for Adeline too, otherwise it’s probably me, Hairie, or Clefford going home.

Brandi

THIS IS SO CHAOTIC

Shawn

Clearly everyone is popping off. Everyone is losing their shit and like I don't even know. This game definitely didn't go like last time. Zee is.. completely unreliable. Not trusting Clefford either. I feel like I've been a little messy too in my Dms and stuff. I'm not sure what to think of this but I know Brandi and Trinica are trustworthy. And my sweet jay, but they are the host. Honestly I'm just hoping my name don't get said, and that I can finish my work day in peace.

Trinica

i'mma do a tier list of most dramatic/chaos-inducing tribe members to least:

1. Zee (duh, who's surprised) 2. Hairie (i actually am surprised) 3. AJ (surprised about her causing chaos, not surprised at her already being a target, we love a predictable queen) 4. Adeline (instinct is to be chill but went to the tribe chat to bring things to the open when she found out zee was saying her name so that's why she's higher on the list) 5. Brandi (leaking everything to Hairie) 6. Clefford (being surprisingly chill for Clefford tbh but also made the first alliance chat i'm pretty sure and also saying lots of names to lots of people, zero loyalty) 7. Me (mostly telling jokes to help defuse tension, also a little bit stirring pots here and there as i get the whim but mostly trying not to say a lot because these people never listened when taylor swift said loose lips sink ships all the damn time) 8. Tanner (literally pre-voted yesterday despite the rule being we can't change our votes lmao, very much outside the drama but also telling a few lies) 9. Shawn (just doesn't want to be boot #1 or 2, staying out of things otherwise) 10. Arvin (calm king, literally sleeping)

Hairie

youtube

Zee

OK SO SHIT LITERALLY HIT THE FAN. While I didn’t want Adeline to go home, I was willing to vote her if that’s what it took. Ever since the alliance was created it was getting leaked, and I was told that Brandi, Shawn, and Trinica all complained to Hairie about it being made. But regardless, the chat got messy and I think things were being leaked from every alliance chat that existed, so, yeah. Due to this I think it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be kept in this game, but I’ve said that I do want to work to rebuild trust, because tbh I never really meant to break anyone’s trust, and I really did want to work with a majority of the people in those chats. I do think that I could use a good night’s rest though, so I’m going to prevote for Clefford since his messy behavior is what caused all this mess in the first place. I am very interested to know who was leaking information in the beginning-middle of the alliance though, but I guess I’ll see that when all these confessionals do get published in the end. I did end up leaking things when comparing notes, but it was after the alliance was already basically leaked through to entirety, yet still I’ve accepted and acknowledged my part in the alliance chat, so…Anyway this is probably my last confession but we’ll see.

#episodes

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yesimwriting · 3 years

Note

Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #grisha #Grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #shadow and bone netflix

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kamotoshi · 3 years

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worrying their baby hates them [hcs]

anon said: Can you please write a hc for jjk (including nanami please)guys as DADS!!!!!! The idea I have in mind is like you just had a new born baby & the baby keeps crying at like 3am and so they get up to check on the baby but it won’t stop crying so they frustrated/confused as to why their own child doesn’t like them! So then y/n comes catches them being so cute and fluffy and they are like ok bby chill no need to be frustrated the baby loves you 🥺🥺 and its just cute and fluffy 🥲🥲 thank you 💜

fran says: omg pls this is so soft and ofc we love nanami for this 🥺 since I narrow my hc reqs down to two characters, I'm choosing naoya as the second jjk dad for this req hehe. thanks for sending :) and I hope I understood the prompt correctly! I might’ve run away with it as I tend to do lol

pairings: dad! nanami kento, dad! zen’in naoya; fem mom! reader

genre: fluff, reverse comfort

warnings: if you’re not a fan of lil babes (particularly newborns) n lil babe stuff in general, this work may not be for you!

notes: nanami has a son and naoya has a daughter bc it’s what the heart wanted. also. this is v soft

✧ nanami is a v responsible and doting dad who does whatever he can to support you n the lil babe. so when he hears your newborn cryin in the middle of the night, he’s up and ready to handle the situation

✧ naturally, he runs through the potential situations in his head of what could be bothering his lil baby as he goes to lift him out of the crib so he can figure out how to help. but there’s nothing clearly wrong and the crying just does not subside, even after nanami walks around the room for a lil bit with him in his arms and tries his best to calm him down

✧ the longer the baby cries, the more worried he becomes that a) you’ll have to wake up and come into the nursery to sort things out, and that b) his baby just doesn’t even like his dear dad that much. either way, he’s v tired n stressed

✧ when you wander into the room, rubbing your weary eyes, you can see the look of disappointment and failure clearly present on his face and sit down beside him to help him out

✧ as soon as you hold your son in your arms, the tears start to subside, but nanami’s worries only deepen since he’s now entirely convinced that his own child hates his guts. and for what? he’d taken care of him and was helping raise him! he wants answers!!

✧ you know how frustrated he must be with himself, so, after the baby’s calmed down again, you place him back in nanami’s arms n start cooing sweetly to him in the hopes he chills out

✧ there’s this long moment of tension during which nanami waits for the baby to start crying again since he’s got this look of uncertainty in his lil eyes like he’s just as confused as nanami is

✧ but thankfully, he reaches up to place his lil hand on nanami’s nose and open his mouth in awe (nanami’s wondering what’s so curious abt his nose). In response, he presses a couple kisses against his son’s cheek that make him smile, and suddenly all is well. baby is content and no longer crying, nanami is happy, mission accomplished!!

✧ “see? you have nothing to worry about, baby,” you reassure him and peck his cheek, “he was just being a bit picky. he loves you very much, I’m sure.”

✧ he pulls you closer for a kiss and gently places your newborn back in his crib when he finally drifts back off to sleep before crawling back into bed with you, wrapping his arms around you, and goin on a lil rant abt how much he loves you and your son until you tell him he needs sleep bc he’s borderline delirious

✧ fatherhood is definitely a bit of an alien concept to him, that’s for sure. but, since you gave birth, the two of you have been learning a lot together

✧ at first, he was a bit slow to get up and tend to your child in the middle of the night since he wasn’t sure what to do, but he learned to figure it out bc he absolutely did not want his sweet lil wife to be overworked. now, he’s up rather quickly to make sure one of his fav gals is taken care of

✧ he does what he’s been taught to do and checks for any obvious reasons as to why his newborn is so disgruntled that she’s wailing after he lifts her out of the crib. however, when he can’t find an apparent reason, that’s when he starts gettin a lil frustrated with himself. he’s a dad!! he should be able to figure out what’s upsetting his lil girl!! he thinks

✧ the lack of sleep isn’t really helping his thought process either, so he resorts to holding the baby in his arms and cooing and singing to try to calm her down. but ends up mumbling little complaints like, “I know my singing’s not great but really, baby girl?” or trying to reassure her (but more himself) by saying, “don’t worry, your dad’s got this. he’s gonna figure it out. right? right?”

✧ by the time you enter the room, he’s damn near had a breakdown bc he absolutely does not want his sweet lil girl to grow up hating his guts and he wants to be the best dad ever (so he can brag about his family goals to everyone n be like yeah suckers I really do have it all haha)

✧ but you come with his saving grace and the one thing he’d forgotten in his exhaustion: a bottle of milk. he tries to hand the baby over to you, but you give him the bottle instead and drape a burp cloth over his shoulder so he can do it on his own in the name of bonding

✧ once he starts feeding your newborn, the crying comes to an end, and she instead gazes up at naoya with wide, delighted eyes while she sips. he breathes out a deep sigh of relief when he moves her to his shoulder and rubs her back for a bit

✧ since you know he was definitely stressing before you intervened, you give him some comforting words n kisses. “she was just a little hungry, babe. you’re doing a great job and I’m sure she appreciates it. I know I do”

✧ to this he gives you a peck on the forehead before doing the same with your baby once she’s all content and ready to doze off again, and the two of you snuggle while waiting for her to settle

✧ during this time, he ends up falling asleep too and you admire the sight of both of them snoozin together before putting your daughter back in her crib and leading naoya back to bed, where he murmurs sweet nothings into the crown of your head until both of you knock out for what you hope is the rest of the night

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk headcanons #nanami kento x reader #zenin naoya x reader #fran's hc reqs

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dienamights · 3 years

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Nami! Congratulations for 2k! What an amazing milestone🥺I would love to request something for unicorn farts ehehehe. You’ve seen what I look like, but I would say me and Bakugou are in the “too comfy” around each other phase. We’ve been together way too long and he has no issues taking a shit and stinking out the bathroom while I’m in the shower and will quite literally do anything and everything with me around because he’s just so comfortable?🥺 And if I was to ever cuss him about it, or ask why he isn’t as flirty as friends are who are still in the honeymoon phase he just scoffs and says “don’t even need to be like that, Princess. What we have is so much better. Know you’re with me forever.” And like, it’s so true because no matter what we wouldn’t trade each other for the world🥺😭💕

pretty jo! hewoo💗💗💗 thank you so much for sending a request and i really hope you like it! 🥺💗listen, the hc you sent me made me so warm bc like, being that comfortable with your s/o is a dream, b-but what happens when you get a little too comfortable?

— ☾ 𝗨𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗡 𝗙𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗦| 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗈𝗇(𝗌) 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝖺𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖺 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿/𝗈 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎.

𝗖𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻(𝘀):

You guys get too comfortable with each other, it gets to the point where none of you realize how bad it looks from the outside.

You’re always sniffing each other’s hands when it smells ‘new’, trying to find out where those foreign scents might have come from, and more times than not, Katsuki would shove his hands in his pants and fart in them before offering them to you to sniff.

The fact that you’re in love with his sweaty body doesn’t pass by anyone, anyone. So when Katsuki comes home and the man is drenched in sweat, the first thing he does is not run to the shower to wash that stench off as he should, no no, he’s jumping you and soaking you through your clothes with his sweat.

Poor Eiji has to spray you two down when you start grinding against each other smack dab in the middle of the living room, pushing you both to shower with a disappointed shake of his head.

Doesn’t like doing this romantic ooey gooey coupley shit, especially not some stupid childish trends people make up outta nowhere. He’s particularly annoyed beyond belief when you keep nagging him about doing this hand holding trend people have been doing for years, when you guys go on your anniversary trip.

So… what do you do? Easy, what you do best

𝗖𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗣𝗵𝗼𝘁𝗼:

Technically it isn’t cursed but i couldn’t unpicture this. also, special baku forehead content for you my love😔💗

Nami Brews For 2K Event!

#aaaaaah #i had too much fun with this✊🏼😔#thank you again for sending a request!!#i really hope you like it!🥺💗💗💗#𖤐 baku forehead enthusiast jo 💥#𖤐 nami brews for 2k 🍵🧪#bakugou headcanon #selfship event #followers event #2k followers event

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un-pearable · 2 years

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okay. s6 thoughts. you can pinpoint the part where my heart breaks right at the beginning of the season

i have to say though i was pleasantly surprised at how decent jay/naya was at like the 2/3rds way point of the season and onwards when its just them. like as you can tell i am not particularly fond of the way the writers attempt romance. but either way all i ask for is that jay/naya doesnt get any more drama. since i can never win with shipping in this series im not counting on it, but a girl can dream.

anyways i think its really kind of weird how all naya wanted this arc was some agency and then she... didnt even get to significantly contribute to ending the djinn. like man the only reason jay's wish got made was because she was dying for man pain. the irony is almost too much. but i digress

i simultaneously like and dislike jay's final wish bc i dislike that nya had to die and also that it undoes the whole season (except for jay and naya for some reason (????? like why does nobody else remember this. actually scratch that ive given up trying to understand how the djinn wishes work)) but i also like it because the way its presented feels like. i dont know. complete? rounded? its really weird. also fun fact im pretty sure i saw the final episode of this season and like none of the rest of it other than maybe the episode where the ninja go to jail. the wonders of cable tv

it is really terribly unfortunate, btw, that the only darker skinned character in the whole show is a rapist. i really dont like that i really dont like that at all.

in other news, zane continues to get nerfed by the writers by things outside his control because otherwise he'd be too powerful. they nerfed him when he took control of the team last season and they nerfed him again with the djinn wishes. i STILL dont understand how he deleted pixal. it makes no sense he just. did that (??????) and they didnt even try to explain

speaking of djinn lore that doesnt make sense to me, i still dont understand why he didnt just marry anybody on his ship and then wish them to be his girlfriend. like idk man that seems so much more simple.

i am also terribly terribly TERRIBLY disappointed we didnt get a "STOP THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" like for real what is Even The Point. whyd you even bother doing this at all. the answer is so that we could get jay/naya but man its not even explained how getting married gives him all those powers. just because. the other person doesnt even have to CONSENT and it works ????? somehow ????????? actually speaking of if she doesnt have to consent. whyd we even bother going through all this at all when she gets captured way earlier. man the lore of this season is just a mess.

im not gonna lie i really dont like the fact that zane's dad made a replacement for him. not even like a different kid its literally just zane 2.0 despite the fact that both of them are sentient and, yknow. people. that would, however, be a very interesting subplot to explore re: zane's identity as a robot but unfortunately we wont be getting that bc i dont think this show likes what i like very much. also very sad that the other zane, who is still a person btw, is gonna be trapped in that lighthouse for the rest of time.

also really really funny that old lloyd looks like a garmadon clone. reminded me of something my friend who i am liveblogging my ninjago revival to said like 3 days ago

anyways watch them give lloyd a girlfriend and watch me tear my hair out as the ninjago writers continue to curse me with their attempts at romance. im also like 40% sure a time travel arc is coming up soon but maybe im remembering wrong. guess we shall Wait And See.

also unrelated but i have to say the djinn response to a wish being "your wish is yours to keep" instead of "your wish is my command" is honestly pretty epic. i do love that.

also. a . question. are we.... are we ever going to get back to the fact that jay's bio dad is (presuming hes still alive. well i guess at the point the season leaves off he is but still you get the idea) a world famous actor and dumped his son off at a junkyard despite being fabulously wealthy and then named said son as his heir without ever contacting him (????????????????) please tell me we're going back to that. please. who the heck is his bio mom. many questions no answers.

so, my wishes for the next season: no love drama please i am on my hands and knees i am begging i am pleading no more romance. give me a break dear writers please. um other than that i was talking to previously mentioned friend earlier and i was like "well im pretty sure garmadon is coming back because if theres one thing this show hates its letting go of its cast" and she said that he comes back in an extremely mediocre way and thinks i will be mad so. that. is a thing i am . well i want to see him again but im also not so sure i want to see him again with this new information. so theres that. um i want more team interactions as always. i want people hanging out and being friends. i also want bad alt outfits. im a simple lady honestly

(preface: my infinite apologies for not getting this till now my life is a disaster rn. i am GREATLY enjoying these)

the immediate turnaround.... yeahhh. i'm a filthy early seasons stan and boy does it become very clear the more seasons they get that the struggle between the writer's cool ideas and their ability to execute them is constant and ongoing (and largely losses). im pretty sure s6 had some notoriously bad crunch too and it definitely shows

kudos to them for finally getting their one-on-one dynamic down bc it can be REALLY fun when used to its full potential but the majority of the time nya gets nerfed and its the biggest loss ever. theres so much to do with your deconstruction of the damsel how dare they fuck it up so many times 😔 dangers of an ever growing cast but cmon

i can do nothing but agree with your complex feelings on the ending bc its both incredibly frustrating and incredibly fitting. the racial implications of this show only get more,, concerning. as time goes on so tragically yeah. yeah. fuckin hell lego

zane king of my heart. the cornerstone of the team my tag is loadbearing nindroid for good reason. you are constantly correct

!!! yes!!! the one thing that could have made that entire plot line (slightly) more comedic than uncomfortable. literally nothing about this season has logic that makes sense even within JUST this season its terrible its great.

i can't even comment on the echo zane stuff its just baffling to me they don't ever use it. fucking WILD thing to make canon and then never bring it up again dear god. both intriguing implications for dr. julien's.... everything and completely squandered opportunity to actually get into robot storylines again which are 80% of the reason i watched the show. eternally crossing my fingers that those rumors about the villains are true bc dear god does julien get more fucked up the more you think about him. (preboot) chuck and dr julien are the same archetype stop making connections brain. that is a negative statement they're both well meaning but fucked up. and self flagellating for the wrong reasons

oHHH yeah. the familial symbolism in this series is like a drug to me i can't get enough of it. approaching lloyd and garmadon as the same core traits just with vastly different circumstances... ninjago has fascinating implications for the nature vs nurture debate ill leave it at that

it is!!! its cool as hell.

everything about jay is fascinating to me he has as many bonkers decisions behind his existence as lloyd does only he's supposed to be The Normal Guy so it loops back around. untapped comedic potential in him being wealthy enough to subsidize their entire crimefighting lifestyle but being too traumatized to explain why. the larry butz of ninjago.

#i... actually have not watched past this season bc my partner was Busy but Oh am I looking forward to this #as far as i know from fandom osmosis Oh you're in for a time garmadon wise. getting pedantic about resurrections is. fun #this kid deserves such a break. let lloyd be not the main character for a while. let kai do it again it was funny as hell #you!! are the most correct. character dynamics and funny outfits what else is this series for if not that. i need to get to the digital sea #son so bad i need an excuse to hunt down their goofy ass avatars #thrilled by later seasons zane getting to abuse his internet connection for comedy though. good for him imo im interested to see your takes #again so so so sorry its chaos time for me bc classes are starting. greatly appreciating these my inbox is always open if you've got tea #text✨#ninjago #why do all my comments on jay end up comparing him to another universe's Normal GuyTM. stole the guys name and can't even give him a rest #asdjfkadsjkf #liveninjablogging

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theworstavocado · 3 years

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So, I’ve been thinking about Invincible ever since I finished it and.... can we talk about Amber?

I was so excited to see a black love interest, particularly a strong, level-headed, individual such as Amber. I appreciated the struggles she had with Mark ditching her so often...but...

She knew Mark was Invincible! For a while, at least! She knew why he kept canceling her, but still yelled at him for it? Listen, I get why someone in that situation feel unimportant, but in this story, it doesn’t work. She knew Mark was gone because he kept getting his ass whooped. She knew he didn’t abandon them on that college campus, and she knew he did everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, to remain in her good graces.

And sure, there’s the whole “trust” thing, but it’s MARK who should be upset, not her. He kept his identity a secret because he wanted to keep her safe, and he was literally INSTRUCTED by Atom Eve not to say anything. And yet, Amber knew something that, logically, would bring issues up, but also knew both why he kept ditching and why he kept it from her. But when Mark finally tells her, she’s mad, claiming she doesn’t feel important or trusted, despite Mark has PROVEN to her how serious he is about her, and shown multiple times how hard he tries.

Plus, the aftermath of the college campus episode....just infuriated me. Everyone, including Eve (who specifically said NOT to say anything) and William, berated him for what? Prioritizing saving lives over highschool romance? And even then, LOOK at Mark and what he does. Saving the world is, understandably, number one on his list of priorities, and his highschool girlfriend is number two, above EVERYTHING ELSE. But Amber berates and criticizes him, despite knowing Mark’s reasons and responsibilities.

And then, after the finale, when they all get together to talk about how OMNIMAN, MARK’S FUCKING DAD, JUST PUMMELED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. And Amber’s like, “oh, I guess I’ll give you a second chance bc of your dad”, and it’s just disgusting. Mark did everything he could, and despite the fact that he was in the right, he still apologized, still prioritized her, already feeling bad enough without all of his friends criticizing him. And then, after Mark goes through this horribly traumatic series of events, she’s like, “oh, okay, one more chance”. Like, girl? You’re still making this about you?

People really like Amber, and I seriously wanted to like her too. Black characters, particularly MC’s and SO’s, are important, but Amber’s character is horrible, and the worst part? I don’t think the writers intended for her to be horrible! But she is! She’s ridiculously self-centered, and has no real character arc. She’s the same “volunteers to build schools in foreign countries, do-no-wrong” girl she was at the start. She’s a narcissist, and, dare I say it, emotionally abusive, or at the very least, manipulative.

Mark did nothing wrong, but Amber, William, and Eve (though I’ll excuse them for now since they don’t know the whole story) convinced an already unsure teenager (one already dealing with a LOT) that he’s a horrible boyfriend an horrible friend.

Mark, who, mind you, has the entire fate of the world in his hands, a sociopathic colonizer for a father, and got to watch a train of people as well as a city turned to a bloody pulp in the matter of minutes. Mark has been gaslighted and abused, by Amber and his father, so when Amber gives him a second chance, he rolls onto his back like a sick puppy.

I really, really, really wanted to like Amber, even knowing she isn’t endgame. I wanted to be able to admire a strong, black female love interest, but GOD....

I hope I explained this well, and please, don’t come at me for this if you love Amber. I’m more than happy to have a proper conversation if you really feel strongly, but from where I’m sitting (as a victim of abuse similar to Amber’s) she’s not only poorly written (due to the lack of an arc), but holds little redeeming qualities.

I swear, if I’m season two, Mark doesn’t flip out on everyone and tell them they’re all full of shit for making him feel so terrible in an already AWFUL PLACE, I will be thoroughly disappointed.

(I don’t know the writers, but I’ve seen a lot of POC characters written horribly, so....can we also let WOC write WOC? Thanks)

#invincible mark grayson #mark grayson #invincible amber #atom eve #relationship #toxic relationship

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illumiiiz · 3 years

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how they hold you — atla hcs

↳ feat. Aang, Zuko, & Sokka

* * *

A/N: So I had actually planned on posting these like,, five months ago or something but then I kinda forgot about them? Somehow?? And then I randomly got incentive to finish them after classes today?? Idk lol but anyhow here they are and I hope y’all enjoy!!

(P.S. If you want me to do a pt. 2 or have some cute hcs of your own, drop me an ask!! I’d love to hear any feedback!)

Summary: How these ATLA boys give hugs and cuddles! I think about those three things a lot. Mainly self-indulgent but I hope you enjoy them too!! :)

Warnings: much cute and softness hehe; ‘x reader’ implications ofc

Streaming: Heat Waves (slowed + reverb) - Glass Animals

[MASTERLIST]

* * *

AANG

oh you guys, Aang... Aang is a gem

Pretty much down for hugs whenever and wherever

Had a bad day? A disappointment of some sort? Meeting up again after a long time (or even just a few hours but want one anyway)? Boy’s gotchu!!

He gives great hugs too btw

Def the type to run to you and throw his arms around your neck as a greeting

ESPECIALLY if he particularly missed you. “Y/N!! You’re back!! Hi!!”

However,, any other time he’ll let you put your arms over his shoulders and he’ll tuck his arms snugly underneath yours and around your waist, and lean his head against yours

I imagine Aang’s hugs to be like, really soft and comfy, but he also hugs you just tight enough so you’ll smile? Y’know??

Probably won't be the one to let go first unless he’s been wanting to show you a thing he found or learned. “Oh yeah! C’mere, I wanna show you this!”

He will let go as soon as you start to tho bc he doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable in any way

Also will rub circles on your back to calm you down if you’re upset or sad 🥺

Probably also the kind of person to slide his hands down your arms and grab your hands after hugging you, like he just doesn't really wanna let go yet

As for cuddles? :D

Honestly I think he’d be super giggly about cuddling for the first like. long while.

maybe even all the time sjfnvjgkkb

Like it takes him a while to get used to it even tho he literally hugs you all the time?? So like nervous giggles at first for sure

After that tho when he knows that you’re totally comfortable w him being close with you and he’s used to it, it’s more like happy giggles

Like he’ll just tuck his chin over your shoulder and do his lil laugh quietly dhcbhcbvhb he’s so cUTE

Likes big spoon and little spoon both

Likes to cuddling facing you the best tho so he can see your cute face and your pretty smile

BLANKET BURRITOS OMG

if y’all have a blanket on you better be ready bc he WILL hold onto you and grab that blanket and roll over and over til you’re both cocooned in it and he will not let you go bc he loves it when you laugh like that and loves having you so close that he can feel your heartbeat

Will 100% let you fall asleep on him if you want

He’ll either gently move you to the bed after a while so you’re more comfortable, or he’ll do his very best to stay awake so he can keep an eye out for things that could potentially disturb you so he can get rid of them, but he’ll end up falling asleep too dhfbvhgh

Highly recommend Aang hugs/cuddles. Perfect for comfort or literally any other time ever

ZUKO

listen I’m sure we all know and agree on this, but lemme just say it again: Zuko is warm

Like if you’re gonna fall asleep cuddling him you better kick off those blankets

You don’t need them. Not with your human space heater around.

And listen here’s the thing: Zuko can regulate his body temperature right?? Which means he makes himself warm on purpose so he’ll get hugs

Right??? Perfect strategy!!

Honestly tho, super awkward about it at first

Like you’ll probably have to tell him you want a hug and he’ll be like oh- sure??

Very stiff the first several times. It’s more of like ‘you’re hugging him and he’s standing there awkwardly and he’s not really sure what to do with his arms so he gingerly pats you on the shoulder’ fhfnjgfjjb my poor boi

It doesn’t take him long tho. He figures out pretty quickly that he actually really likes it when you hug him

So he starts hugging you back

And THATS when he gets smart and is like oh, maybe it’s because I'm warm?

bc he’s not ignorant y’know; he’s noticed your ‘aa you’re so warm’ comments 😌

Anyways he’ll actually offer you hugs once he’s more used to them

He likes it when you wrap your arms around his waist, from the front or back

Hugging Zuko from the back dhcvnnvnb — PLS the first time you do that he’ll get so flustered shfbch and he’ll just freeze up

ANYWAYS

He likes you putting your arms around his waist but also really likes your arms over his shoulders, bc then his arms can be around your waist and he can hold you better that way

Also please ruffle his hair. Or just slide your fingers through it right before the hug ends, PLEASE. 🥺🥺🥺

he will melt I promise

If you two are alone and you're hugging him and you mess with his hair a little he will physically relax and probably will drop his face to your neck

Don’t even try to apologize either. “No, it’s fine.... It’s it’s nice.”

When you’re not alone and you wanna hug him he’ll try to act all nonchalant about it, like it’s no big deal. Like sure, you can hug him. He doesn’t really care.

But he does lol internally he’s kinda freaking out

Speaking of internally freaking out, that brings me to ✨CUDDLING✨

Like I said before, he is so. warm.

And like he normally gets butterflies being around you and cuddling with you is no exception, but if you’re cuddling and you get super relaxed and tell him he’s super warm and that you’re comfortable?

He’ll get even warmer dnhfjdf boi doesn’t know what to say to that and he kinda combusts a little inside

But he’s very very happy

Usually he’s the big spoon, but he also really likes being the little spoon, even tho he’ll never say it or ask

Also really enjoys it when you lay on top of him, either chest to chest or chest to back

He’ll rest his cheek against your head and breathe in the scent of your shampoo, rubbing your back/tummy softly (depending on how you’re laying)

If you fall asleep laying with him, at first he’s gonna panic and wouldn’t really know what to do

But he’ll keep you there and press a kiss to your forehead

SOKKA

I WANT TO HUG HIM SO BAD !!! >:| UGH SILLY BOY COME HERE I WANT TO LOVE YOU

sigh. anyways-

Sokka, he’s not too sure about the whole hugs thing at first

You’ll hug him and he’ll just try and blow it off, “yeah yeah yeah, okay, thanks.” pats your shoulder a couple times and releases you

He’ll get used to it, don’t worry.

He’ll get used to it quickly.

Once he realizes you’re not gonna quit hugging him, he’ll suddenly be all for it

Honesltyy he went from 0 to 100 dcnhkjhdfks he’ll want to hug you all the time

“C’monnn y/n where’s my hug? Huh?”

He’ll come up behind you while you're doing something, slip his arms around you, put his chin on your shoulder, and he will not be leaving

“Sokka I need to move my arm—” “No you don't. Not til you say hello properly.”

PLS once he gets used to you he will be so touchy

not only with hugs but like,, with everything

Grabs your hand to go run and show you something or out of excitement, uses your shoulder as an armrest (or your head if you’re way shorter than him hfvbfjhdb), puts a hand on your shoulder to steer you in another direction... et cetera

I dunno I feel like physical touch would be one of his primary love languages but maybe that’s just me projecting

anyways

Sokka is also warm; not as warm as Zuko, but warm!

Hugs you any and all ways: arms over, arms under, behind hugs, hugs where he traps your arms against your sides and squeezes you unnecessarily hard

He’ll scoop you up and throw you over his shoulder too djfnfhv

Sometimes just to show off that he can pick you up and spin you around without dropping you, but usually when he’s taking you somewhere you two can be alone

Then he’ll throw you onto the bed jdhchvh

Big spoon and little spoon, doesn’t really have a preference

When he’s big spooning he’ll bury his face in the crook of your neck and just,, immerse himself in your comforting presence

really likes chest to chest cuddles because then he can kiss your nose and steal kisses from you

also he seems like he’d kiss the back of your hand and your knuckles-

anyways

loves it when you gently press your forehead against his and tell him how much you love him

Definitely will be the one to fall asleep while cuddling lol tired boi 🥺

if, though, you happen to fall asleep before him, he’s not complaining

or moving

He might adjust himself so that you’re in a more comfortable position, but then he’ll settle right in and go to sleep too dkjhdgkj

* * *

@bluebellhairpin I think we may have discussed me tagging you in this way back when I was originally gonna post it? Maybe? Either way here you go uwu

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justcourttee · 4 years

Note

im not sure if youre taking asks but here goes: platonic jasonette, bc there isnt enough sibling jasonette in the world

We stan sibling Jasonette. It is literally my life as much as Daminette. Hope you like it! @sixtyeightdays

A Brother’s Love

If a year ago you had told Jason Todd that he would be smushed flat against the wall of a small coffee shop in Paris, France spying on his favorite designer’s first date, he would’ve laughed in your face. After all, nobody knew MDC’s secret identity and even if his jerk siblings found out, they wouldn't tell him anyway, just to torture him.

Yet somehow, he found himself in this exact situation, his anger rising with each passing minute that her date was late. He watched as Marinette picked up her phone for the hundredth time to check the time, check her messages, and sigh as she placed it face down once more, defeated. Part of him wanted to storm over to her table, scoop her up in the tightest hug and take her out for two scoops of ice cream from the best creamery in Paris.

But alas, if he even moved an inch, she would spot him and he’d never hear the end of him being an overprotective ass. The sound of her phone ringing caught his attention as he watched her fumble to try and answer.

“Hi! Yes, I’m at the coffee shop. - Have I been waiting long? No, no, not at all.”

Jason rolled his eyes. She was too kind for her own good. It was how she got into the Lila debacle. It was how she let her classmates walk all over her for too many years. It was why she was letting this Adrien kid treat her as a second rate now.

“The Louvre? I mean I guess I can close out here and meet you there.” There was a pause as her head dropped in disappointment.

Jason felt his blood boiling. Not only did this punk leave her waiting here for forty minutes without a signal message or call, but when he does decide to let her know he’s running late, he insists she comes to him? Jason didn’t care how well protected the model was, one way or another he deserved a black eye courtesy of Jason’s right fist.

He waited for Marinette to finish gathering her stuff. She laid a note onto the table, not bothering to ask for change, she never did, and exited the door, her face heavy. Laying a note of his own down, he raced after her, careful to keep a few hundred feet between them.

Jason felt as though he was beginning to break a sweat as he tried to keep up with her pace. As she turned down an alleyway, Jason broke into a sprint, trying not to lose her. As he turned the corner, a hand shot out toward his jacket, slamming him into the wall.

“I thought I told you my first date was off-limits.”

“Hi princess,” his voice was breathless as he tried to keep the pain from seeping in. “Just thought I’d stop in and say hi.”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at him before letting go, allowing him to readjust his jacket.

“Besides, doesn’t seem like much of a date. I haven’t seen the punk once.”

Her eyes seemed to blaze as they cut into his. Jason raised his hands in defense, but he refused to apologize. They seemed to be locked into a staredown, both standing in the alley, arms crossed, neither budging in their positions.

“He’s not a punk Jason, he just was running late on his photoshoot. They just finished up at the Louvre which is where he invited me to. We’re gonna walk the museum and try to find Andrè’s ice cream afterward.”

Her tone was so matter-of-fact, so confident that he wanted to believe her, but her eyes were broken. They seemed so tired as if she almost expected to be stood up at this point.

“Mari, I’ve been here a year now. This is the twelfth first date you and Adrien have attempted. Every month he gets your hopes up and every month something always comes up last minute. How do you know he really is at the Louvre?”

Her arms dropped as her hands curled into fists. Jason knew he hit a sensitive topic, but he couldn’t watch her break her own heart. Not again.

“He’ll be there. Now leave Jason, this doesn’t concern you.”

She turned on her heel, exiting the alleyway without another word.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jason huffed as he landed on the nearest roof with a view to the courtyard. Following on foot grew too hard as Marinette constantly kept looking back, checking to see if he was still there. Besides, she said it didn’t concern Jason but she said nothing about Red Hood.

He tapped the side of his helmet, enhancing the zoom, silently thanking Barbara a million times over. The courtyard was empty besides Marinette and a blonde boy sitting on a bench, neither looking particularly happy.

“Don’t fail me now helmet.”

Jason hesitantly reached up to tap the newest installment Barbara had insisted on; audio enhancement.

“-it’s just ridiculous Adrien! You can’t sit under her thumb forever!”

The boy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, trying to avoid direct eye contact with Marinette.

“Lila will turn my father on me Marinette, you have to understand. I really do like you and I would love to date you, but it’s a choice between you and freedom.”

For the third time that night, Jason felt his blood pressure rise from this punk kid. Before he realized what he was doing, the rush of air filled his ears as his grapple strained under the weight of him. His landing was rough as he tumbled less than ten feet from the bench, rolling to a stop right in front of the couple.

As he struggled to his feet, his eyes met Marinette’s. They were a mixture of anger and tears, fueling his rage.

“You.” His voice was menacing, all of his anger directed to the blonde sitting in front of him.

“Me?” Adrien seemed to shrink in on himself, his eyes widening as he took in the hero in front of him.

“You are a literal piece of scum. Do you understand what you’re losing here?”

“Hood, don’t-” Marinette tried to reach out, her voice begging, but he simply shrugged her off, grasping Adrien by the neck of his shirt.

“Marinette is an amazing girl. She’s absolutely brilliant, I mean have you seen her grades? They freaking fly off the charts. If you all had a GPA system, she would knock all of you out of the ballpark with no chance of recovery. Marinette is so talented. Her designs have so much potential to run an empire in the future. She already has multiple big-name clients and I know she’ll only expand from there.”

Adrien tried to object, but Jason didn’t give him the chance. His grip tightened as he lifted Adrien from the bench, his tiptoes barely scraping the courtyard stones.

“Marinette is daring, courageous, compassionate, and way too caring for her own good. None of you deserve her. Paris doesn’t deserve her.”

He felt two small hands wrap around his arm, attempting to pull him off of the boy but to no avail.

“Marinette do something! Tell your friend to stand down.”

Adrien struggled under the man’s grasp, his wild eyes begging the girl.

“You little punk, face me yourself. After tonight, you don’t have Marinette to hide behind anymore. If I even see you in a twenty-foot radius of her, you’re dead. Got it, kid?”

He dropped the blonde, watching as he stumbled backward before taking off into a sprint, never looking back.

Jason wanted to chase after him, finish teaching him a lesson, but the sound of soft sniffles from behind him required his immediate attention. His arms automatically pulled her into his chest, the sniffles muffled by his suit.

“Don’t worry Marinette, he’s never gonna hurt you again.”

She didn’t answer him as her sniffles slowly died out, her arms tightening around Jason’s waist.

“C’mon.” He slowly pulled back using his gloved hand to wipe a stray tear from her face. “Let’s go get some ice cream.” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jason accepted his cone from André, attempting to hand the man a tip, but he simply blocked Jason, shaking his hand.

“Anything for Marinette. I could feel her broken heart before she even arrived. A girl like her doesn’t deserve to be so broken.”

Jason sighed in agreement as he returned to the bench she sat on, handing her one of the cones.

“Thanks, Jason. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier, I just really wanted to believe that Adrien would come through. That our love could outweigh any obstacle this world throws at us.”

“Princess, did I ever tell you the reason I came to Paris in the first place?”

Marinette shook her head as she took a timid bite from her cone.

“My brother’s had a competition with each other to see who could discover the identity of my favorite designer, MDC. It took a couple months, but low and behold, August 16th comes around and my youngest brother handed me a wrapped folder that contained a plane ticket for Paris and your parent’s address. He said it was my birthday gift and it was scheduled to leave in the morning.”

“You came all the way to Paris, from Gotham City, to meet me?”

Jason nodded, taking a bite from his cone as well, throwing an arm over Marinette's shoulders.

“I was never expecting a small child of only seventeen years to be my all-time favorite person in the world. I mean your leather jackets can hold through a lot of trauma, trust me, Roy and I tried.”

Marinette giggled, her face slowly relaxing into one of peace.

“If Adrien can’t see how amazing you are, amazing enough for some guy to fly half-way across the world to meet you, then I’m sorry but I don’t think he really loves you.”

“Did you mean every word you said to Adrien?”

Jason looked over at the smaller girl, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Every last one.”

Marinette nodded, a small ‘cool’ barely audible escaping from her lips. They sat in silence for a few moments before Marinette spoke again.

“I’m over Adrien Agreste. For good this time.”

“Finally.” Jason pumped his fist in the air earning another giggle from her.

As they finished up their cones, Jason helped her to her feet, a sly smile crossing his face.

“You know, you graduate in a couple months. Maybe you can come back to Gotham with me, meet my other family. I’m sure they’ll love you as much as I do.”

“Maybe I can meet that little brother of yours. After all, anyone who can figure out my well-guarded secret sounds like a very intelligent person.”

Jason laughed, his mind tracing back to the image of Damian with a pot stuck on his head after pissing off Dick’s former teammate Raven.

“I don’t know about intelligence, but I would say he’s extremely devoted to the people he cares for.”

Marinette saw the wheels turning in Jason’s head as she tried to form a no before he could blurt out what she thought he was thinking.

“You two would be so great together! Oh God, I sound like circus boy. Anyways, it’s settled. As your honorary brother and full-time wingman, I am setting you up with Damian Wayne.”

Jason dipped down, snatched her phone off the bench, and took off in a sprint.

“Jason! JasoN I DON’T HAVE INTERNATIONAL DATA!”

The streets filled with the sounds of their laughter as both took off into the night, a bright future lying ahead, neither looking back on the events of the night.

After all, ice cream mends most broken hearts, but nothing fixes you quite like a brother’s love.

Permanent Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ash-amg @rebecarojas07

#maribat #jasonette #batfam

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syilcawrites · 3 years

Photo

a/n: hi I’m alive and I wrote this bc of a prompt that @zelink-prompts put out!! I thought it’d be a fun little exercise for tonight! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, so I’ve been wanting to get something out ehe. Here’s to posting at 2 AM (I apologize in advance for any typos)! Hope you enjoy!

summary: [Pre-Calamity] It’s Zelda’s 16th birthday and King Rhoam decides to throw a lavish masquerade ball in celebration. Zelda is not happy (when is she ever happy pre-calamity ;-;)

ao3

a party of floating eyes

“I just simply—” Zelda grunts and winces as Impa tightens the corset around her waist, “—simply do not understand why this is such a necessary tradition!” Her fingers dig into the fabric of her vanity chair with enough force to chip her nails.

“Your Highness,” Impa starts, tying the lace, “if we start straying from such traditions, the people will begin to worry.”

Her frown deepens—she knows Impa is right, but every second she spends lolling around with trivial palace affairs, she can feel her precious time slipping away from her.

“Besides,” Impa continues, pulling Zelda’s hair back and smoothing it out, “you’ll be turning sixteen—your birthday has always been a big celebration.”

Zelda straightens her back out, squirming uncomfortably under the tightness constricting her waist. “Well, if people cared so much about me, I wish they’d let me spend my birthday as I please,” Zelda grumbles, picking up the black, lacy mask that sits on her chair before plopping down onto the cushion. She crosses her arms, staring at her reflection with tinged annoyance.

“I know, I know.” Impa laughs softly. “Just try to focus on all the possibilities that will open up to you once you do hit sixteen though,” she encourages. “Besides, doing this will let the people know that we have everything under control. The less worried they are, the less chaotic the future will be.”

“But everything’s not okay,” Zelda sighs out, rubbing her temples. “I have yet to unlock—”

“You still have the Spring of Wisdom to go to next year. Don’t jump to conclusions, Your Highness,” Impa rebukes quickly. Her fingers work quickly through Zelda’s hair as she begins braiding down her back. “And we shouldn’t give up on the Shrine of Power and Courage, no?”

Zelda remains quiet.

Of all the things she could be doing to prevent a catastrophe, she has to attend another cursed ball. A celebration for her birthday is far from something she wants.

“Only one night,” Zelda mutters, lightly slapping her cheeks. If she dutifully plays along with her father’s antics, perhaps he will ease his expressions of disappointment toward her.

“A little bit of hair here…” Impa tugs out strands of Zelda’s hair to frame her face. “There! You look lovely,” she says with satisfaction as she places her hands on her hips. Zelda flits her gaze away from her reflection against the mirror to her ajar bedroom window. She can already hear the sound of carriages bumping along the roads and the neighs of the horses resounding through the dark night.

“He’ll be there, won’t he?” The corset feels even more constricting when she thinks about him. That boy . She has to keep up—she cannot afford to fall behind any further than she already has.

“The young knight?” Impa inquires, squinting her eyes in thought as she maneuvers around Zelda to look inside her jewelry box. “I believe he’ll be patrolling the castle grounds.” Zelda relaxes her shoulders as she stares at Impa’s back. “Zelda. You shouldn’t avoid him. You know that you will have to cooperate with him in the future.”

“I’m not.” The lie feels sharper against her tongue than Impa’s gaze. “I’m not avoiding him. I was just… curious.” A half-truth is better than none. Zelda toys with the black ribbon straps of her mask, picking at an unraveling thread. She lifts the mask up to her eyes and tilts the corners of her mouth up.

Zelda has many masks, and adding another one is harmless.

——————————————————————

Be graceful. Be elegant. Be poised.

Don’t blink too often. Don’t eat too much. Don’t laugh too loudly and never laugh without a hand over your mouth.

Zelda sneakily picks at the piece of bread that Impa had snuck to her earlier, nibbling on it in between greetings and returning plastic smiles—but the music. The music is irritating Zelda. There’s an instrument out of tune—a violin, maybe—and every time the bow strokes the A string it lets out a glaringly out-of-tune high-pitched squeal.

The only good it does is mask the growls of her stomach. She is starving, but starving is something that she has grown familiar with. Starving for food, starving for affection, starving for power, starving for—

“Your Highness?”

Zelda immediately hides the piece of bread behind her back and glances up at the soft voice. A Zoran who resembles that of a Fuschia flower—Princess Mipha, wasn’t it? If she recalls correctly, Mipha is one of the candidates for the Divine Beasts.

“A-A gift,” she continues, her cheeks tinted pink. “For your 16th birthday.” She holds a palm-sized box out to Zelda—baby blue with a white ribbon.

Zelda blinks at it for a moment, a bit dazed. No one has ever really handed her a gift-wrapped present before. Most of the guests have been handing them to her father—extravagant gifts that were mostly catered to him anyway—and now there is a gift for her here, directly being handed to her. They’ve only spoken to each other once, during Zelda’s mother’s funeral. Aside from that, whenever they had the pleasure of being in one another’s company, they acknowledged each other.

“Thank you,” Zelda says stiffly, accepting it with her free hand as she stares down at it. She brushes a thumb over the smooth surface of the box. Zelda sneaks a glance at her father, who is busy talking to another guest. She stuffs the bread in her mouth—earning a wide-eyed look from Mipha. “Pardon me, I haven’t eaten all day,” she admits sheepishly, gulping it down quickly.

“Oh dear, you haven’t eaten at all?” Mipha almost gasps, her expression strung up in worry. Zelda waves her hand at her and shakes her head.

“I’m sure the last guests will arrive soon.” She holds the box with both hands now. “Is it alright if I open it up now?” Zelda asks, lowering her voice a little. A warm smile spreads across her face. She nods.

Zelda tugs the ends of the ribbon—it slips out of the knot easily—and lifts the lid. The object sits comfortably against a red velvet cushion: a stained glass flower. Zelda lifts it up slightly up in the air—an array of colors dance across Mipha’s face as she views her through the glass.

“I’ve recently taken up glass welding,” Mipha says quickly, fidgeting with her fingers. “I’ve heard that you’re currently researching an endangered species of flora. Although this won’t particularly aid in your research… I apologize…” she trails off, sounding faint.

“It’s beautiful!” Zelda clasps her hands over Mipha’s. “This is the best gift I’ve received today, there’s no need to apologize.” A smile breaks across Zelda’s face. A handmade gift? For her? A recreation of the Silent Princess at that! She tries her best to keep the excitement from brimming out of her voice. “It’s lovely, Princess Mipha. Thank you.” She clears her throat as she catches her father staring at her from the corner of her eyes.

“I’m grateful that you like it, Princess Zelda.” Mipha beams happiness, with a look of relief. She glances at the entrance—and does a double-take.

“Oh, please, enjoy the celebration and the food.” Zelda gestures to the ballroom, sitting back down. “We’ve cooked our finest dishes.” Food that she wishes she could eat herself, but she has to stand at the entrance with her father because he won’t let her get up until everyone has come through the door.

Mipha curtseys—she has always been so elegant—as she wishes Zelda a year of happiness, before quickly hurrying to the door.

Zelda follows her trail, and watches her happily clasp the hands of—Zelda involuntarily scrunches her nose at the sight that she sees before her. Impa had told her he was patrolling outside on the castle grounds. Why in Hylia’s name is he inside the ballroom?

“Zelda, I would advise against raising your voice like that. People are watching.” Her father’s voice isn’t unkind, but chastising. She hates it.

She looks down at her dress, to straighten out the wrinkles of the dark blue ballgown. The sheer fabric has been irritating her the entire night, and she’s almost positive that she’s lost a diamond droplet or two that had been sewn onto the dress. “Father,” Zelda whispers, glancing at him. “This feels like a waste—”

“It is important to remain friendly with our diplomats. You know this. Especially with the prophecy—we must remain united with the others.”

Well, it wouldn’t matter if they were united or not if she couldn’t unlock her sacred power. She’d rather spend her birthday standing in the water of a Spring than next to her father.

“Just do as I say tonight for once, Zelda. For my sake.”

She balls her hands into a fist, scrunching up the skirt of her dress as she does so. “All I ever do—”

“Your Majesty!”

Her voice gets drowned out by the incoming guests, and she is soon tossed into the shadow of her father once more.

——————————————————————

Zelda makes sure to stay across the ballroom from Link—it’s easy to do so, considering how much he sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s easy enough to avoid a stranger—the lack of familiarity makes the task simple.

“A drink, Your Highness?” a passing maid asks, lowering the metal tray for her.

“So much for a masquerade, you can recognize me from a mile away can’t you?” Zelda murmurs lightly, grabbing a strawberry pink drink.

“Your beauty is unmatched. It’s hard not to notice you,” the maid says kindly as she bows her head.

Zelda lets out an uneasy laugh—compliments never sit comfortably with her. “Well, thank—”

“His Majesty would like to formally introduce a faithful knight of the Hyrule Kingdom, who has proven his worth and skill at the young age of ten,” the Court Poet announces, ceasing side conversations down to a murmur.

Her father—looking rosy-cheeked and kind, as he always is in front of guests—ushers the knight out of the crowd, and into the middle of the room with him. “This young man has risen through the ranks and proved his devotion in keeping peace within our lands at a very young age, and even the Goddess Hylia has blessed him—Link, the Knight who has drawn the Sword that Seals Darkness.” Her father’s voice is nothing short of impressive. He’s able to cease conversations within seconds, by the strength of his voice and presence. Zelda quirks an eyebrow up as she stands on her tiptoes to see above the sea of heads—a very stiff-looking boy standing next to a large, bulky man who is taller by half his height is quite a scene to see. “He will fight alongside my dear beloved daughter Zelda, to maintain this peaceful, prosperous time.”

Eyes shift to her—black and beady behind the masks they adorn. Zelda grits her teeth as she bows into a deep curtsey.

One… two… three…

She straightens her posture and clasps her hands in front of her gingerly. As long as she doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, she’ll be fine. Just smile.

Zelda tilts the corners of her mouth up.

Coos of oh’s and ah’s reverberate off the walls of the ballroom, shaking her to her bones as they clap.

“To commemorate, the Hero and the Goddess-blood Princess will offer the first formal dance of the night,” the Court Poet announces loudly, spotting her almost immediately.

Her smile drops from her face, and she methodically shifts her narrowed eyes to Link.

He stands as stiff as a board.

She takes long, brisk steps to the center of the room.

Be graceful, elegant, poised.

Do not look into their restless eyes, because they will worm their way through the black of her irises and find out she is a Goddess-blood Princess who has been abandoned by their savior.

Zelda stares at the creases between his eyebrows as she approaches him—they’re one step away from bumping noses.

He places a hand on her waist, but it mostly hovers over her, like he’s afraid he’ll burn himself if he gets closer. Zelda places one hand on his shoulder. His other hand floats in the air, unsure. She grabs it hesitantly, and settles to look at his lips instead: pressed into a thin line. He doesn’t want to be here, either.

The music starts jarringly, like the morning bell that rings at six in the morning. The violin is still a pitch to high—why hasn’t anyone noticed it yet? Not even the conductor?

Zelda digs her nails into his shoulder as they move—the brush of wind that follows their movements eases the anger that has risen in her.

“Just do as I say tonight, for once, Zelda. For my sake.”

And dancing with the boy who has fulfilled his part of prophecy will help complete hers?

They miss a beat—he steps in at the same time she does, and her forehead almost smacks against his. Zelda almost trips over the skirt of her dress as he accidentally steps on her foot.

She glances up at him—his mask is simple, but it’s as light as starlight and makes her squint a little. Her eyebrows furrow together. It doesn’t last long once she remembers the hundreds of eyes that watch their every movement.

But then he does it again.

Zelda sucks in a sharp breath. “You do know that there is plenty of space for you to step upon aside from my feet, right?” she murmurs between her teeth, making sure her smile is still plastered on her face. The edge of his ears flushes red.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers with a brief, apologetic smile. There’s a finality to his voice that makes her tilt her head in curiosity.

He steps on her toes again.

Zelda’s mouth twitches—she bites her tongue to distract herself from the pain shooting up her foot. “You don’t know how to dance, do you?”

His ears turn a shade darker.

A small sigh escapes between her lips. She straightens her back and tightens her grip on his hand. “Keep your eyes down and follow my feet.” She repositions her other hand to rest more securely on his shoulder. She would prefer not to have a mouthful from her father for messing up the first formal dance of the ball.

Their eyes catch—vibrantly blue and innocent. He nods.

Even though he concentrates on the pattern of her feet lilting across the marble floor, he still brushes against her heels. She glances up at him—beads of sweat roll down the side of his face as he concentrates on their feet, with the tip of his tongue sticking out ever so slightly.

Zelda swallows back the giggle bubbling up her throat.

“Hm, think of it as… sword fighting practice, maybe? There’s formation in that is there not?” Zelda inquires. A good knight must be efficient at their footwork, or else they’d stumble over during a fight and fall. “Try to be light on your feet like when you’re fighting.”

“Like fighting,” he echoes, his face lighting up at her suggestion—she feels the tension chip away from his shoulders as they make their rounds, passing by the ambassadors and royalty encircling them.

Zelda keeps her voice low: “Left, back, right…” she instructs him quietly, as her own shoulders relax at his slight improvement. At least he isn’t stepping on her anymore. The music becomes tolerable, once she decides to focus on their own two pairs of feet sliding across the floor and the sound of his breathing.

The loud, booming round of applause drags her back to reality—she releases her hands from him immediately and takes a step back to do a quick curtsey.

“Thank you.”

The sound of his words catches the tail end of the wind—quiet, almost inaudible. She raises her head, but by the time she does so, the crowd greedily surges toward them to fill the empty space that used to belong to them.

#zelink #botw #breath of the wild #the bolded is underlined on ao3.. idek how to do it on tumblr #so tumblr gets to have bolded words instead!#my fanfics #yahoo #hope you enjoyed reading it <3 #fun to write #i kinda just let the story go wherever it took me LOL #omg i forgot the read more after post hfhd #it's so sexy when tumblr messes up the format

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yoditorian · 4 years

Text

a law divine - 1

soulmate au!ezra/reader

this is solely the fault of one single anon who called out something i put in the tags and now it’s a whole universe but you know what?? it’s the love of my life. anon i hope u see this 💛 i also just want to say i know there isn’t A Lot of soulmate talk in this one but it’s important for the narrative okay bear with me

playlist // series masterlist // main masterlist

word count: 7.2k (a Big Boy)

warnings: swearing, my usual allusions to smut bc we keep things neutral in this house, brief food/alcohol mentions, 18+ please no babies

It might be the ugliest ship you’ve ever seen.

Not that you’re really one to judge, the one you charter out when you’re running point on a job is a mismatched patchwork of rusty panels held together with electrical tape and hope. If there’s the slightest possibility you might be a teeny tiny bit disappointed in it, it’s only because agency jobs are usually a little cushier. A little safer for once. You could do with a bit safer.

Your family might prefer a lot safer, but you’d sooner take your chances in open space without a suit than take a job working scrapyards. At least risking your life on digs gets a decent payout.

“You the danger mouse?”

It’s not an accent you hear often on the Pug, the majority of the station’s population is human, but you turn with a smile to meet the bright purple eyes of the Thanne. Armour-strong scales and sharp teeth, but he seems kind and mild mannered despite his clear predatory biology. You nod as you readjust the pack on your shoulders.

“I’m Iras.” He holds his hand out to you. A distinctly human gesture made a little awkward by the sharp edged scales and extra fingers, but you shake it nonetheless. He’s your captain for this job after all. You wonder where a Thanne became so well versed in human custom, the species as a whole tend to keep to themselves instead of branching out into the universe like so many others, until his crew members appear on the boarding ramp.

Iras gestures to each of them in turn. Summer, a blonde woman with dark skin and a kind smile, and Milo, an older man with a swirling tattoo above his left eyebrow that matches the navy blue of his eyes.

“Is it just us?” You ask. You could have sworn there was a fifth name on the manifest you’d been forwarded, but teams are always subject to change. You just hope you’ll have your own room.

“Ezra always leaves things down to the wire, he’ll show up right before we’re due to push out.” Summer laughs fondly, throwing an arm around your shoulders like she’s known you her whole life. You’re usually a little wary with brand new teams but the way she’s already chatting away makes you feel at home. The last agency job you were sent on got dicey, fast, somehow you’re sure the same won’t happen with this lot.

“There he is.” Milo leans out of the ship to point out into the docks.

You turn to see a man sauntering through the throngs of harvesters towards the ship, and it’s odd. The rest of the crowd seems to melt away as he closes the distance, even the weight of Summer’s arm on your shoulders feels not quite there. You take the moment to study him. He looks all business with his dark hair and his charcoal grey shirt and the neat pack slung over his shoulder, but his pants and boots have seen better days and the streak of blonde at his temple makes you smile. It’s nice to finally be with a crew without a single stuffy addition.

“It’s not often I get to congregate with like-minded souls.” He grins when he’s in earshot, a flash of something feline in his eyes. You don’t want to admit that you like it.

“Like-minded?” You tilt your head at him as you follow Summer up the ramp and into the ship. Ezra slips in behind you just as it starts to raise. Just like the others said.

“We’ve all got the same death wish, Sunspot.”

The launch, at least, is smooth despite the beaten up ship and it’s only about twenty minutes before you’re far enough from the Pug to punch a lane to the next system over. At least it isn’t far, there’s only a day between now and making planetfall. Somehow, you’re not surprised to find that it’s more of a barracks and bunk beds situation rather than each having a private quarters. Last time you were hired by the agency, you definitely got your own room. But it gives you a chance to chat with the others as you unpack.

Milo explains the air isn’t breathable, so he’ll need to double check to make sure everyone’s filters are running at capacity. But he reassures you that it’s a comfortable temperature, so it’s good to know you won’t be sweltering in your suits or freezing your asses off.

You pick the bed on the wall beside the door, taking out a few essentials from your pack and tucking the rest safely away in the storage compartment. Just as he did back at the docks, Ezra is the last to find his way to the room. He settles his things on the bunk opposite yours because the universe has it out for you, apparently.

“Did I hear one of them call you the danger mouse?”

You struggle not to roll your eyes at the nickname awarded to anyone stupid enough to do your job, although admittedly he doesn’t sound like he knows why. You offer him your name instead and pretend the way he rolls it around in his mouth doesn’t send a shock right down to your bones. You’re not in the habit of sleeping with colleagues, not until the job’s over at least. But you’d be lying if you said you’re not tempted.

“They call me in when a site’s unstable but too profitable to close.” You answer, tugging your sleeves up as the climate control settles to a comfortable temperature.

Ezra raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to continue, and you pull off your gloves. They land on your thin mattress as you hold your hands out between you. Not even the slightest twitch.

“Steadiest hands on the Pug.”

“So they are.” There’s a challenge in his voice that threatens to send a shiver up your spine. It’s clear he doesn’t doubt your skill in the field, but the return of that glint in his eye from the docks has you wondering exactly what else he’s thinking about as he studies your hands. It’s not hard to work out.

It’s been so long since you had to travel out of the system, you forgot how much inter-system lanes can fuck with the human brain. You’re half asleep for the thirty minutes you spend sorting your things for the morning, barely enough energy to change into the sweatpants and ratty t-shirt you call pyjamas, before you crawl into bed and settle down almost immediately.

Only you don’t get to sleep for as long as you’d like. The rest of the crew seem to have filtered in after you, the shift of sheets and snores float through the dimmed room. Except, it’s not just that. There’s shuffling and bed creaking from further down the line of bunks. A hushed giggle sounds in the silence and-

Oh god. Oh no.

They’re not. They can’t be, they- they are.

You’re very awake all of a sudden, eyes wide as you keep them firmly on the ceiling and wishing as hard as you can for an alarm to start beeping or something. Anything to get whoever’s banging Summer to stop. A deep voice hushes her when she laughs again. Iras. Knowing is somehow worse. The mechanics- you don’t even want to think about it.

You turn onto your side slowly, but loud enough to hint that maybe they should find somewhere else for their escapades, and fold your pillow around your head as a kind of makeshift set of earmuffs. Whether they’ve quieted down or it muffles the noise, you’re not sure, but it seems to have worked enough. You catch Ezra’s eye in the almost-darkness, much in the same position as he holds his pillow over his own ears.

It’s embarrassing for the both of you, even as you share a conspiratorial look. But somehow, it’s less awkward to have to hear Iras and Summer going at it when you know he’s awake. He winces when a particularly loud squeak echoes through the room, and it takes everything in you not to bust out laughing. You fall asleep again eventually, making faces at Ezra in the dark until neither of you can keep your eyes open anymore.

You’re surprisingly well rested come the morning, when the whole ship jolts as it punches into the system and you’re almost thrown out of bed. So much so that it’s easy to forget that you woke up at all until you shuffle into the main living compartment of the ship. One of the crates by the wall has been cracked open, Milo hands out granola bars for breakfast.

Summer and Iras are sitting in the same chair, feeding each other, and it might be cute if you’d been awake longer and hadn’t been woken up by their activities in the middle of the night. You slump into a free chair, face twisted in disgust for a moment. You’re pretty sure nobody else sees until Ezra laughs and drops into the seat beside you. They’re nice people, from how they took you as a friend immediately, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s just a bit much for your perpetually single heart to take.

“It’s a week-long job, they can’t take a break?” You watch as they finally pry themselves apart to start, you know, actually working. But not without a genuinely gross kiss that definitely toes the line of public decency. Suddenly the half-eaten bar in your hand isn’t all that appealing anymore.

“Soulmates take no breaks, Sunspot. I’m sure yours would be hard pressed to be anywhere but in bed with you whenever they get the chance.” Ezra winks and it takes you a moment to remember where you are. A glance at the pair makes your new knowledge obvious, the way they seem to be touching, even now, on opposite sides of the room.

“I’m not sure I believe in all that red string stuff.”

Once the ship is safely landed a short walk from the site, the days you spend digging pass with ease. The deposit is a decent size, it takes all five of you to cover it completely, and the payout should be enough to keep you all comfortable for a little while even with the agency’s cut. The crew around you fill the time enough that you barely notice the week coming to a close.

Summer sings in the mornings as she cleans her equipment and readies her pack for the day. Miles talks gently to the cells as though they can hear him, shushing them any time he worries a gem might corrupt. Iras seems to have a secret superpower when it comes to the ration packs, they always taste better when he’s the one on lunch duty. And Ezra spends the afternoons regaling you all with tales of ancient beasts, laying eggs that fossilise into the very gems you’re harvesting. Although you’re not sure how true they are.

You almost get through the whole dig without a hitch. Almost. But aurelac is a tricky thing, even a change in the wind can turn a site for the worst. You’re all sitting around at lunch when it happens. The telltale smoke wafts up into the air for no visible reason at all and although you’ve collected enough to cover the quota, you’d still rather not lose viable gems.

“Get to what you came here for.” Iras gestures in your direction and you dive into the pit head first.

You’re not even sure you stop to think as you follow the harvesting steps at lightning speed, salvaging half the corrupted cells before someone tugs you out by the collar of your suit. The rest of the site starts to smoke the moment you’re out of range, spitting and hissing and rendering the rest of the gems worthless.

“Danger mouse indeed.” Ezra chuckles over the comm system, hand still fisted in the fabric of your suit. For once, the nickname makes you smile.

While you all go your separate ways after the ship has docked back on the Pug, Summer makes you all promise to meet later at a club you’ve only heard of in your friends’ messy night out stories. Still, you pinky swear when she holds her hand out to you and try to remember if you have a single item in your wardrobe that’ll pass as club attire. Or at least something that isn’t so worn there are holes in it.

Even if it’s a song he knows, there’s no chance that Ezra could recognise it with the volume cranked so high through the cheap speaker that everything but the beat is distorted. Still, it doesn’t stop people from dancing.

He’s a little late, as usual, but he doesn’t need to worry as Iras appears behind him and claps a hand on his shoulder, pointing to a booth across the room where Milo is looking increasingly uncomfortable.

It doesn’t take long for Ezra to spot you and Summer in the middle of the dance floor, as he follows Iras around the edge of the space to the booth Milo’s claimed. You’re both more jumping than dancing, yelling the unintelligible lyrics of the song into each other's faces. He can’t hear your breathless laughter as Summer spins you in a circle, smile wide and bright, but he can feel it in his ribs. The drums of the song kick in at the same time the swirling lights of the club light you up like some kind of celestial being, just as you catch his eye through the crowd. And everyone else disappears. The rest of the world, rest of the universe, fades into the background. Just like they did the first time he saw you, glaring suspiciously at the ship on the docks.

Summer’s dragging you back to the table when the song comes to a close, the both of you out of breath and laughing, and Ezra has to try desperately to remember how to speak when he watches a little bead of sweat slide down the side of your neck. And stop himself from just licking a line straight up it. His silent suffering only increases when Milo holds out a shot of the most potent alcohol the Pug has to offer and you down it without so much as a flinch, winking at him when you return the glass to the table for good measure.

Milo calls it a night only an hour later, clearly only having braved the crowds of the club to celebrate the job. Summer and Iras are tangled in each other on the dancefloor, or the booth, as they keep the shots coming. You, at least, decide to keep your wits about you, declining every drink after the one Milo had handed you. Nobody’s going to fuck with a Thanne, even in as seedy a club as this, so you don’t worry about Summer as she gets sloppier and sloppier. But there’s no spiky non-human boyfriend looking out for you down here, it’s just you and the knife you keep at your hip.

You pull yourself from the dance floor, eyes tracking the room for the missing member of your party, until you feel a set of eyes on you from above. Ezra’s leaning on the bannister of the stairs, his unflinching gaze set solely on you. And you can’t help but smile. You follow him up to the mezzanine without hesitation when he glances upwards and back to you. The buzz of the shot has mostly faded from your veins, replaced by something much more dangerous by the way he’s looking at you. The way he’s looked at you since you met him.

It’s not hard to spot your friends from up here, leaning over the barrier with Ezra to people watch. He crafts stories about every stranger who catches his eye. The man hunched over the bar in a beaten up jacket, the waitress who fiddles with her necklace any time her hands aren’t occupied, the pair of lovers tucked away in the dark corner on the other side of the mezzanine. You find yourself sliding closer to him the more he talks, wrapped up in the warmth of his voice even in the rundown club. Your shoulder knocks into his as you mindlessly bop to the music and listen to his made up stories. Utterly enchanted. It’s hard to remember a time when you felt this way with anybody, if you ever did at all. To tell the truth, it’s hard to remember anyone before Ezra. And neither of you have even made a move yet.

He's got his arms braced on the barrier, and you find yourself lifting the one closest to you so you can slip in between them. Surrounded on all sides and you couldn’t feel more comfortable. To his credit, he doesn’t falter in his vivid storytelling about the group now settled in the booth your crew had claimed earlier, not even a stutter as you turn in his arms to face him. He’s decided they’re here to celebrate the beginning of a new job, rather than a successful harvest. His eyes flick to you for the barest moment, enough to notice yours are firmly focused on the way his lips move around his words, before searching the club below for another story. Another way to keep his mind and mouth occupied so he doesn’t accidentally admit all the sinful things he wants to do to you when you press your ass up against him like that.

“Ezra.”

He shouldn’t be able to hear you over the music, but you’re nose to nose and he’d be hard pressed to ignore the way you practically purr his name. He’s expecting you to make another flirty comment in that voice that sends his mind reeling into all manner of indecent places the same way you have been all night.

“Can I kiss you?”

He doesn’t expect you to just outright ask him.

“Yeah.” Yeah. Hell of a time for his eloquence to fail, not that it matters anyway. You’re on him the moment he stops speaking.

It’s like the sun explodes inside him, the way his stomach bottoms out the second your lips touch his. There’s nothing soft about it, not the way he might have imagined there would be. If he’d been so bold as to let himself imagine what kissing you might be like. You’re all warmth and heat and you still taste a little bit like the shot you’d thrown back earlier, and he finds himself falling. Not that Ezra minds, he hopes his parachute never opens if it means you’ll keep kissing him like this.

You let your fingers roam under his jacket, twist themselves in the thin fabric of his t-shirt, and you sigh into his mouth. God, you knew he’d be good at this. His hands leave a trail of starlight as they trace over your body, never quite choosing a place to rest. They start to settle on your shoulders, only to skim down your arms and squeeze harshly on your waist, to play along the strip of skin he finds just underneath the hem of your shirt, to grip harder than he might mean to onto the meat of your ass through your pants. You gasp, break the kiss for barely a moment, and stop his apology in its tracks.

He doesn’t protest when you walk him backwards, still groping at each other like it’s just the two of you in the whole club. Ezra only groans when his back hits the wall and you push even closer into him, as if there was even any space left for air between your bodies already. He’s not about to complain. He could kiss you for a thousand years and it still wouldn’t be enough. It’’ll never be enough, not for a soul as hungry as his. You pull back too soon, far too soon, and it takes a solid minute for his brain to kick in and break the vice grip he still has a little too low for the public eye.

Oh, that look on your face. He’s in trouble.

“Where are you off to?” Ezra asks, flushed and breathless, a hand stretched halfway out to where you’re backing toward the stairs.

“Home,” You say with a sly smile, “You coming?”

He can’t push off the wall fast enough.

You don’t live far from the club, a ten minute walk at the most, but Ezra manages to make it a solid twenty with the way he keeps pulling you to him. Not that you’re about to complain. You’ve been waiting a week to let him get his hands on you. At the press of his lips on your neck, the shudder it sends down your spine, you wonder if part of you has been waiting even longer than that.

You’re trying, desperately, to type in the keycode to your apartment. If Ezra could calm down with the grabby hands, you might have gotten it right straight away.

“No roommates?” He asks, kissing along your shoulder, and you take the temporary reprieve to kick your brain into gear and remember the fucking numbers.

“Hugo won’t be too upset if I make him sleep on the couch.”

The door slides back into the wall to reveal a dark apartment, a strip of light from the hall falling on a very orange cat. He stares at you for a second, clearly not particularly pleased that he’s been so rudely roused from a nap, before he settles back to sleep stretched out on the couch cushions. Hugo. Ezra is silently relieved that the roommate is just a cat, he’s not sure he’s got the self control to stay quiet tonight. Or to make sure you do.

You waste no time once you gesture for Ezra to walk in ahead of you, flicking the switch on the wall to slide the door shut and pulling him back to your lips. He doesn’t hesitate to crowd you up against the cold metal.

Although you could devour each other until the closest sun explodes and swallows the station whole, Ezra has to break away. To think, to breathe, to tease you a little about the moan he just swallowed from you. But you beat him to it.

“Gotta catch your breath?” The smile on your face threatens to make his knees buckle, and with you pressed up against the closed door the way you are? He might just let them.

“What do you want, Sunspot?”

You left a lamp on in your bedroom, the door cracked just enough to let a little filter through to the main living space. Still, he’s almost completely silhouetted against the warm yellow glow. As if he’s some kind of ethereal being, maybe he is.

“Make me see the stars.” You pull him in as close as you can and let your lips brush over his as you whisper. His next words make you shudder almost as much as the way he drags the zipper of your jacket down, slowly, tooth by tooth.

“As you wish.”

And boy, does he deliver.

You’re expecting things to feel more unfamiliar than they do, as you explore each other for the first time, but it’s like you’ve been here before. Once, twice, a hundred times before. Every move feels oddly choreographed. Ezra knows exactly how to take you apart and put you back together again, the way he pulls every twitch and moan out of you so expertly. You’re no different, as your fingers map the plains of his chest like it’s muscle memory.

You shake it off, put the thoughts to the back of your mind. You’ve been around the block a little in your time on the Pug, it only makes sense that he has the same kind of experience. But shared experience or not, you can’t deny how much having him so close feels like a homecoming of sorts.

It’s the best sleep of your whole fucking life and, honestly, you’re not that surprised. Ezra makes a damn good pillow. Even if you both wake hours later into the day cycle than either of you normally would. Even if he’s more of a morning person than you are. It’s kind of nice, to sit still snuggled in your pile of blankets and watch him potter around your apartment as Hugo winds around his ankles like he’s been there for years.

Your fridge, however, is heartbreakingly empty and renders his offer of making breakfast pointless. Instead, he pulls his shirt on and offers to take you to the best little diner he knows, tucked away in the heart of the marketplace. It’s a hard offer to turn down.

“What kind of gentleman would I be to have so much income at my disposal and not treat such a beauty as yourself to a good meal?” He winks as he flashes his credit chit at you as if you didn’t scan in for your paychecks at the same time. You laugh as you empty a food pouch into Hugo’s bowl, and tell him he better show you all the good breakfast spots. You shrug off his raised eyebrow and mutters of a ‘next time’. As if he didn’t already know.

Still, Ezra takes you by the hand the moment your apartment door secures itself shut behind you, leading you through the hall and out into the street, and you’ve never felt more wanted.

It’s like everything’s brighter, walking leisurely through the bustling market stalls with Ezra. The smells are stronger as spices in the air cling to your nose, the cacophony of vendors calling out almost sounds like music, and you start to laugh. Hand in his, in the middle of the maze of stalls full of food and tools and trinkets. As if it’s just the two of you in the whole universe.

At least Ezra doesn’t look back at you like you’re crazy. He smiles too, just as big, and you feel bathed in warmth the same as when the sun comes out planetside.

You’re both still grinning when he leads you deeper through the market, down an alley and up a flight of stairs to an unassuming door.

“Is this where you murder me?” You joke just as the door opens to reveal a short older woman with an eyepatch, who pulls Ezra down into a tight hug as soon as he’s in arms reach. He introduces her as Merse, the woman who’s run the best diner no one’s ever heard of on the whole station. She slaps his arm for his cheek, but her grin grows twice as wide when she spots your intertwined hands.

Ezra pulls you through the doorway after him as he follows Merse, chatting about how she always keeps the best table open just in case he brings a friend and you try not to smile too wide when she wiggles her eyebrows at you. He says something to you, but you’re too distracted by the view from the big windows.

The far wall is completely glass, overlooking the main docks, lined with booths. A small family sits in one of them, their two children standing up on the seats to watch the ships come and go. You’ve never seen it from this angle before, always down in the masses and scanning the boards for new jobs. It’s kind of beautiful. In a rusty, patchwork sort of way.

Merse points you towards one of the booths with a promise that she’ll bring you the best breakfast you’ll ever have, something tells you she’s not lying.

It’s not long after you slide into the booth that she comes marching out of the kitchen with two plates, wafting steam that makes your mouth water and your stomach rumble. Rice and vegetables and eggs and all sorts of things you’ve never even seen pile high, and you’d worry you wouldn’t be able to finish it all if you weren’t so hungry.

“You know I won’t break, right?” You push your fork around in the remaining rice on your plate as you watch Ezra absorb your words. He thinks about it for a long moment, dark eyes over you before settling on your own.

“What’s this about?” He knows, you know he knows. More importantly, you know he’s going to make you say it. In the middle of the day cycle, in this family friendly diner.

“Just,” You exhale sharply, “Making sure you’re aware.” Your body floods with a shyness that’s alien compared to the confidence you had last night and suddenly, your breakfast is the most interesting thing on the Pug. You can practically feel him smiling at you, but you don’t dare look up to meet it.

He was right though, the food really is some of the best you’ve ever had.

It’s not until you’ve wandered back through the market, still hand in hand, and found your way back to your apartment that Ezra decides to bring it up. He may have been more than a little distracted last night, but he’s sure he spotted a set of old books sitting on a shelf above your couch. You freeze, ready to go on the defensive about how ink and paper will never be obsolete, until you realise he’s genuinely interested. He’s not judging you by any means. Something about the curiosity shining in his eyes makes your heart flutter more than you care to admit.

He could watch you talk about your books all day, every day, for the rest of his life. How your eyes lit up when you recognised his interest, a paperback lover himself. You can’t seem to stop yourself as you dive into the intricate details of your favourite classics, two or three hundred year old texts that make you feel like you’ve lived a thousand different lives at once. He wants so badly for you to keep talking but the more impassioned you become, the more he wants to kiss you.

You trail off at some point, he loses track when you climb into his lap to point out notes you’ve made in margins and the books lie scattered on the couch beside you as you kiss him until neither of you can breathe. You’re still a little achy from last night, deep in your bones, and you hiss when his teeth scrape across your shoulder.

“Won’t break, is that right?” Ezra chuckles darkly and nips at your jaw, “Can I try?”

“Please.”

You wake at the creak of your bedroom door, sometime in the early hours. Hugo noses his way through the narrow gap and hops up onto the bed, curling up on the unclaimed pillow by your head. Ezra sleeps deeply, face buried in your neck, and you let the warmth of him wash over you. It ebbs and flows like a tide, that familiarity. The undeniable fact that something about this just feels right. You’ve known this man a week and yet you’re here wondering, as he rests in your arms, if he might want more than just this with you.

Oh, but you are so afraid. Afraid to put a name to anything about him because what then? Will he tell you that you’re simply a placeholder in his life for something better, or that his heart might bleed through his skin when you’re apart? You’re not sure which is worse. Not that it matters, there is no word in any language that would be able to explain exactly how you feel about the man asleep in your arms. It’s enough, you think, to have him with you at all. In any capacity. Whatever pieces of his soul he bares as your breathing evens and his mind wanders. That is enough, and you will protect it with your life.

You have to part ways at some point, of course. Another week of rolling around in your bed sheets together, on the couch, on your pitiful kitchen counter, up against the wall, and Ezra gets a call from the agency. It’s a last minute job, the crew only need an extra set of hands to fit the safety standards, but it’s several systems out from the Pug. It’ll take him away for at least a month. You trail after him at the docks, with promises of messages in his absence and all manner of unsavoury activities on his return. It’s with a deep kiss and a wolf whistle from a couple of dock workers on their break, that you wish him luck. And ask him to hurry back.

Summer’s message surprises you when it dings through on your tablet. Some gajillionaire on Dallore T53 has found an aurelac deposit on the grounds of his new estate and wants it gone. She’s preoccupied, already out on another dig with Iras and a new crew. But it’s the kindness of her even thinking to offer it to you that makes your heart swell. It’s been a while since you’ve had real, honest to god, friends.

You’d go in alone, normally, for something like this. But now? Now, you’re punching in Ezra’s comm pin before you can even really register what it is that you’re doing. He only got back a week ago, and you made him settle in back home before he could settle in yours. It’s not like the two of you would be doing any resting on his return to your apartment, exactly. The job was a pain, he’d told you, it ran months longer than anyone expected and you’re sure he’s still exhausted. He won’t agree, but you find you have to ask. Just in case.

“Sunspot?” He sounds happy, rested. And you breathe a sigh of relief, at least he can follow your orders when he wants to.

Hugo snakes around your ankles at the familiar voice, the same way he does any time the man himself walks through the door. If you didn’t know that the little orange devil’s alliances lie in who feeds him, you might think he loves him more than you.

You explain about the job, make sure to stress that he doesn’t have to come. That you don’t even really need to take it if he’d rather you stay close by. Okay, you don’t say that out loud, but the smile you hear in his words through the speaker makes it known that he’s heard you. Loud and clear.

It doesn’t matter in the end, not when he accepts before you even have a chance to give him any details. You don’t know why you were so worried he might say no.

“Any excuse to be warmed by your light, Sunspot.” Hugo brushes up against your leg at the same time Ezra’s voice practically drips through the speaker, smooth as honey.

“Is that a euphemism?”

“Do you want it to be?”

You choke on your breath and he laughs like you’ve told the funniest joke in the universe. He’ll kill you one of these days, you’re sure of it.

You charter the ship you usually take on private jobs, the space a little smaller than you remember with another person on board, but it’s not like either of you aren’t used to being in close quarters with each other by now. At least Ezra has the decency not to be mean about the beaten up exterior, she still flies true. He’d grinned at that, told you how a rough outside often means the opposite of the interior mechanics. The glint in his eye is enough to know he’s not just talking about the ship.

At least the planet is in the same system as the Pug, so there’s no need to punch through to a lane. You fly in silence for a few hours, the familiar feel of the controls under your fingers as you guide it through the sky. Ezra’s eyes remain firmly on you although you pretend as though you don’t notice, and it takes him a moment to come back to the present when you ask him to flick a few switches and prepare to enter the atmosphere.

The coordinates the client gave you to land are only a short walk from the house itself, a great stone castle-looking thing. It’s kind of ugly, the way the limestone juts out above the treeline. A big white block among the rich reds and oranges of the leaves. They grow that colour all year round, perpetually stuck in spring and summer. It must be nice to have the kind of money to find somewhere like that and decide you’ll build a house there. The air is breathable, and a quick look at the planet file proves it’s never too hot or too cold. A perfect place to build a house really. Although, if it were you making that kind of decision, you’d maybe go for a design that’s a little less cubist.

The deposit isn’t huge, but it’ll be a good payout nonetheless providing the cells are all in good nick. You and Ezra wade through swathes of long grass and wildflowers until you find a spot to set up camp. At least you’re not stuck in bulky suits and having to lug around your equipment.

You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect dig if you’d tried. Each of the cells sit far enough away from each other that even if one were to fail, it wouldn’t corrupt a whole mess of the others. Although with both of your talents, it doesn’t surprise you when you collect every last crystal without a single misstep.

You’d told Ezra the profit would be split down the middle, equal pay for equal work. But it doesn’t stop him from sliding an extra gem into your pack to cover the ship charter. After all, you’re the one who was offered the job in the first place. He’s just following his heart, the one that walks around outside of his body and throws itself into deposits mid-corruption.

You hold one of the little gems aloft in the sunlight and watch as it sparkles.

“I used to think it was weird how rabid people go for these. But the more I dig the more I get it, isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”

Ezra tilts his head like he’s studying the rock, but his dark eyes don’t leave yours.

“It’s a close second.”

Sap.

Night falls before either of you realise just how late it is, clearing out the last few cells of the deposit. It’s not worth going back to the Pug now, he reasons, and you find it hard to disagree. The ache of the few days you’ve spent digging has settled deep in your muscles, the thought of having to run through docking procedure when you’re so tired is enough to make you wince.

You let him take you for all you’re worth under the watchful eye of the heavens, and find there’s more stars behind your eyelids than you could ever hope to see in the skies. It’s all you can do to cry out the name of the only god to ever make you feel this holy. Ezra.

He wakes with the sun, the same way he always has on jobs, to find you curled so tightly against him that it bubbles up from his toes all the way to his throat and he finds his eyes threatening to spill over. Everything in the universe seems to slot so perfectly together when you’re like this. Ezra sighs, content to never let the moment end. You are so beautiful.

He shifts up onto his elbow a little, still cradling you against him, and lets his free hand trail softly over your face. Tracing the shell of your ear, the curve of your cheekbone, the bridge of your nose. The dawn’s sunlight breaks over the trees and filters through the fabric of the tent, bathing you in soft green light. He could stay here, holding you, until the universe implodes. Ezra doubts he’d notice such an insignificant thing with you beside him.

But end it must, and he rouses you gently with soft whispers and kisses against your temple. You stretch in his arms, not unlike Hugo, and sigh as your joints pop and settle. Packing up happens slowly, moving around each other so naturally it’s as though you’ve done it a thousand times before. Every time Ezra passes, you drop a kiss wherever you can reach. His shoulder, the arm of his jacket, that little patch on his jaw. He pretends not to blush when you catch his hand and carefully press your lips to the little tattoo between his thumb and index finger, you pretend not to notice when he does.

You’ll be the death of him, he’s sure of it. The way you keep watching him out of the corner of your eye, the way your smile is so bright when he catches you that he can barely stand to look at it. With the tent and equipment packed up, his fingers itch to thread through your own as you start the walk back to the ship, there’s not a word in the universe strong enough to describe just how much he hates that both his and your hands are too full.

It’s odd, thinking about it. How you met by pure chance, hired by the agency just because you were on the same station at the same time. Would he have ever met you if you’d chosen a different career path, if he had? Maybe somewhere, centuries before or after this moment, where you’re meeting again. Different lives, different times, spanning across all of existence. Maybe, right here and now, you’re starting to feel the way he does about you. Just a little. Maybe he’ll get up the courage to ask what you think, how far you want to take things. He’d give himself to you in a heartbeat, without question. In a way, he already has.

Ezra can’t stop himself.

“What do you make of the red string of fate?”

“All you’ve seen of the universe and you still believe in soulmates?”

“Maybe I’m more foolish that I made myself out to be.” He shrugs, trying not to let his eyes fall to the little finger of his right hand. Trying not to clench his fist to show you exactly how much your disbelief affects him down to his bones, as though his soul itself is frowning. You’re smiling. Uncharacteristically quiet, but you seem appropriately pleased by his answer and stray a little further out into the long grass.

Curiosity gets the better of you.

“Can you see yours?” You have to call out across the gap you’ve unintentionally created, yellow stalks swishing in the breeze between you, and for a moment you’re not sure he heard.

Ezra looks at his right hand, at the thin red string tied neatly at the knuckle of his little finger, and follows the line as it threads through the grass to where it’s knotted at your left.

“No.”

TAGLIST (add yourself here):

@bee-dameron @keeper0fthestars @thevoiceinyourheadx @firstofficerwiggles @1800-fight-me @ew-erin @chatterbean @gotta-have-faye @freeshavocadoooo @darnitdraco @greeneyedblondie44 @fire-is-catching-always

#oh god here it is i hope it lives up to what i've made it out to be #a law divine #prospect (2019)#ezra (prospect)#ezra x reader #ezra x you #liz does words #soulmate au #smut

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