#and like. its literally my third day. hopefully nobody new comes in and its all regulars bc i cannot be the face of the company tonight :))

[possum-tooth]

my supervisor texted me back! but now im a bartender..

[whatevergreen]

A 2008 (pre-election) Huff Post interview with Jewish-American author Adam Mansbach includes this:

Prof. David Browmich argues that Israel has outgrown its cultural history of victimization to become the chief oppressor of the Middle East, including a nuclear terror that might invade Iran. Do you feel this fear of a literal end to the Jews raise its head in macro or micro form in your novel?

"There's hardly a word about Israel in this novel, although certainly the past specter of an end to the Jews, and the seemingly-perpetual fear of a future one, give the title its bite, make people frown or laugh or shoot me a quizzical look when I tell them what my new book's called. Personally, my Jewish upbringing, such as it was, did not include Hebrew school, which from what I can gather is where a lot of kids first get indoctrinated with the idea that as a Jew you're supposed to love and defend (with words, if not actions) the state of Israel. My family was very secular; my parents sent me to the So You Think You Might Be Jewish Sunday School and Grill out of guilt, and I got kicked out of it for singing "Livin' On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi into a mic at an all-school assembly when I was supposed to read a prayer. This was my way of acting out my anger toward my racist Jewish History teacher, who liked to tell us kids stories about the Great Jewish Exodus. You know, the one from Roxbury in the 1950s, when the blacks moved in.

When the word got out that I was publishing this book, I started getting invited to Jewish conferences, retreats, etc - which was weird, since this is third novel and nobody had ever considered me a Jewish writer before, except for the white supremacists who tried to get all my speaking gigs for Angry Black White Boy canceled, and accused me of "masquerading as white." From what I've been able to discern in the past year or two, going to all these events, the dominant concern among the Jewish generation in power seems to be that young people aren't participating enough in Jewish life, and through apathy, intermarriage, nonobservance, the Jews are going to wither and disappear. It creeps me out to be in a room full of Jews in which racial purity seems to be an agreed-upon goal, though I certainly understand where it comes from.

What bothers me most, though, is the mix of naivete and cynicism with which the young demographic is being courted; the underlying goal seems to be Jewish marriage/procreation/participation, but it's couched in all these other terms, disguised inside all these clumsy maneuvers. It's like, "What do young Jews like these days? Pancakes? Okay, we'll have a pancake breakfast, and hopefully Isaac's hand will brush against Rachel's while they're both reaching for the maple syrup, and we'll get some babies out of this."

Where do you stand on the idea of Israel as a religious homeland for Jews, as well as its geopolitical realities, which are more bloody and less romantic?

"I don't claim to be an expert. I haven't been there. But the notion that a Jewish life is worth more than a Palestinian one seems to underwrite so much of what's happening, and so much of the conversation about Israel in America's Jewish community, and that is deeply troubling. The things I read and hear from friends who have traveled in Israel and Palestine leave me with no doubt that an apartheid-like situation is in effect, and that is unacceptable.

I think there's a lot of willing suspension of disbelief on the part of American Jews about the actions of the Israeli military. People don't want to accept that they would do the things they do, so they decide they don't do them, or that they must have their reasons and delving into them isn't necessary -- and this is among the same people who would never dream of giving a pass to Bush, people outraged about Darfur and Gitmo and every other outrageous thing happening on the world stage. To me, one of the strengths of Jewish culture is the fact that everything is constantly scrutinized and discussed and argued over. Questioning and dialogue and vigorous study are the things I connect with: the notion of a Talmud that literally has no margins because every possible inch of space was covered in a multi-century discussion of life and law. So Jewish group-think frightens me; Jewish dogma without counter-dogma frightens me. I think that the Jews should have a homeland, yes -- but I also think it's fascinating that some scholars and rabbis believe that homeland is intended to be a state of mind, that some believe the greatest sin possible is to claim that homeland by force, and that several different homelands for the Jews have been proposed in this century alone. The "if you don't love Israel you're not a good Jew" mentality really bothers me. As does, I suppose, the notion of a "good Jew."

You're steeped in black culture but Jewish. How has the relationship changed over time in your mind, and what do you think having a black president during a time of Israel's geopolitical ascendancy will do to it?

"Perhaps no two ethnic groups in America share so unique, intimate, and checkered a past, politically and artistically, as blacks and Jews. I thought it was interesting that Obama touched on the fraying of relations between the two communities in his big speech on race, but I also thought his decision to essentially elaborate on his rejection of Minister Farrakan because of Farrakhan's alleged anti-Semitism was more in line with the reasons black-Jewish relations have suffered than with any attempt to mount new dialogue. It was red meat for Jewish voters. On the Jewish side, the problem with black-Jewish relations is that a handful of ill-advised and highly objectionable statements made by a few prominent black leaders in the mid-eighties have never been forgotten. And they should be. Yes, Jesse Jackson once referred to New York City as 'Hymietown." Yes, Al Sharpton could have conducted himself better during the Crown Heights riots. But these incidents happened twenty years ago.

Not only have Sharpton, Jackson, and even Farrakhan (whose outreach to the Jewish community over the last ten years has been considerable, if seldom-reported) moved on, but so has black leadership. Obama's candidacy and the emergence of hip hop generation leaders and grassroots political organizations prove that the civil rights generation is no longer in the driver's seat. Yet, these figures remain central in the collective Jewish memory - fixed in history, reduced to their offensive comments, and treated as proof of black anti-Semitism. Why? Because it provides an excuse for Jewish disengagement -- emotionally, practically, financially -- from the continuing struggle for equality. It allows Jews to disinvest in the black community and the legacy of progressive work that blacks and Jews once shared.

One of the most fascinating stories of the 20th century, and one that I try to tell in The End of the Jews, is how both Jewish assimilation and Jewish self-identity have relied on the immutability of black Otherness. As the Jews have become whiter and richer, we've also gained the ability to engage in the same kind of complacency and hypocrisy that has long characterized the rest of white liberal America. Jews can now lament racial injustice without either fighting or acknowledging the ways in which it benefits us. The post-World War II Jewish credo has been to 'never forget,' and maintain eternal vigilance against the smallest rustling of anti-Semitism. I understand that. But I also lament that fact that whenever something does happen, regardless of whether the offensive speech or action stems from true malice or ignorance, whether it is repented for or not, the gates come crashing down, and dialogue is considered anathema. I think it's time to really rethink this, especially given the tremendous attacks that civil rights and civil liberties have taken under this president (Bush)."

.

Source: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/is-this-the-end-of-the-je_b_119055

(All the interesting sections are above regarding Israel, Zionism, Palestine, and race. I wouldn't bother with the full article unless you have an ad blocker, as advertising actually obscures parts of the text. Of the above sections.)

[cherrywrites626]

Fighting Chapter 32 Sneak Peek

You’d think after a night spent running his hands all over his roommate’s lithe form and becoming privy to those sinful little moans that found his insides igniting in strange new ways before ending the encounter literally curled up together on the floor almost completely in the nude that Lance would have gotten a slightly better handle on where it was they stood going forward.  And yet, there he was.  Still just as in the dark as he’d always been when it came to Keith.

Not that he couldn’t gather through context clues alone there had been something appealing about the whole ordeal while smack dab in the midst of said mind-numbing pleasure.  Nobody that wasn’t also a renowned porn star should have had the capacity to fake the way the Slytherin responded to his touch like a man finally being allowed his first sip of ice cold water after months of nearly dying from dehydration.  Of that much, at least, he was near certain.  

When it came to whether or not it had been a one-off situation or if he’d ever be permitted a repeat performance sometime in the next century, the answers to those and many other very serious questions were kept woefully out of his reach.  And not only by his own hand.

The fact that he was still too confused by the whole whiplash effect of his roommate’s hot and cold approach to their recent delve into multiple makeout sessions to ask the guy outright and risk coming off as clingy or sappy or, Godric forbid, so into everything that had transpired he was willing to chase that feeling into a third, fourth, fifth, and quite possibly hundredth time was one-hundred-and-fifty-percent undeniably his own stupid fault.  But the rest of the mess that followed said confusion was arguably outside of his control.

Keith had somehow managed to awaken the morning after that fateful night early enough to slink once more from beneath the tight cocoon of his arms despite what he thought was a clear invitation to remain a permanent fixture glued to his chest, this time without so much as a terse goodbye uttered in warning before hightailing it to the safety of his room for reasons unbeknownst to Lance.  

He had, perplexingly, taken special care to drape a thin blanket over his naked form so as not to leave him both shivering and miserable in the process, but that small act of kindness did far too little to soothe the ache he felt when it then took hours more for the other to emerge from his bedroom with nothing remarkable to show for their time together save a small nod in greeting.  As if the whole thing was just the craziest fever dream Lance ever had the misfortune of experiencing in his lifetime and that was that.

Were it not for the evidence to the contrary in the form of a telling mark still blooming a faint purple on the otherwise alabaster skin of the Slytherin’s neck, he may have even believed it were possible, watching the boy putter around their shared kitchen while silently preparing coffee with the kind of careful neutrality regularly exhibited in the days prior to their shameless tryst.  

Almost as if it were any other Sunday in February and Lance’s entire world hadn’t already been kicked so far off its axis it was dangerously close to hurtling into the deepest reaches of space…

It wasn’t that he wished for things to suddenly become awkward between them.  Far from it, the itch he never quite realized sat just beneath his poor excuse for self-control until it decided to rear its ugly head a little over a week ago begging for him to go back Keith into a corner and snog that ridiculous mouth senseless for deigning to be so fucking hot and warm and perfect while slotted against his own.  

Even as he knew better, the consequences for once again attempting to open that confounding box of trouble be damned.

---------------------------------

As always, check out the last update here, and look for this one... hopefully in September but we shall see how good I am at splitting my time going forward.

[purkinje-effect]

The Anatomy of Melancholy, (20)77: Caught Up in the Moment

Table of Contents. Third Instar, Chapter 8. Go to Previous. Go to Next. TWs: Food/meat, implied digestive trouble, unapologetic medical fetishization, brief grievous memory association, smoking. Seventy-seven is a sentimental number for me.

“...[C]lothes do not merely make the man, the clothes are the man; that without them he is a cipher, a vacancy, a nobody, a nothing.” -- Mark Twain’s “Czar’s Soliloquy”

Likes, reblogs, comments, and follows all mean a great deal to me! You can do so here and/or on AO3, if you'd like.

_________________

‘Choly and Angel walked next door to rejoin Sticks in the junk vendor’s stall. He found it peculiar, that trash did not comprise a majority of the dealer’s wares, despite the store’s categorization as a junk vendor. Much of it had been restored or repaired in some capacity, if not marginally more presentable polished or cleaned up some. A distant, crooked smile tugged at him, delighted by his ability to identify the most mundane of ancient things which had not graced his sight in some time. Ceramic figurine egg timer. Cake breaker. Dusting bellows. Pewter powder box. No, perhaps the entire mall could be called a large scale antiques dealer of sorts--with a healthy mix of contemporary crafts for sale as well, of course.

While ‘Choly had taken Liam’s suggestion to try some local fashion choices for something more compatible with the cervical collar, Sticks had decided to test his suggestion this type of merchant might yield their hunt better results. Sticks hadn’t wanted to wait around while ‘Choly clothing shopped, no matter how brief the errand with their appointment at the Gate City Clinic at eleven. When he found him, Sticks had just given up digging in a bin of various sacks.

The ghoul eyed him with pleasant surprise, hands stiff in his pockets.

“Didn’t expect you to be done first. Take it from your good spirits you found stuff you’re happy with.” He squinted at the new garments ‘Choly wore. “...I know you wear it well, but Ant lace? I thought we were pinching caps here.”

‘Choly smiled. First the cervical collar and a genuine direction to procuring the rest, and now brand new clothing. He now wore a collarless mesh chemisette, over his corset but tucked under the edge of the cervical collar, with a ribbon tie in the back and to either side. The corset still peeked out under the cropped hem. Atop this he’d put his cardigan back on. Draped around his neck was the article with which Sticks had exception: a long Irish lace shawl, with its tails drawn into a loose knot in the front. Several hundred dollars lighter for it, his heart felt even lighter still. In his day went the phrase, the clothes make the man, but it persisted even now that new clothes could do wonders.

“Up until now,” he finally replied, “all my clothes have either been prewar salvage or military issue. But now, I own some clothes handmade this year. I need to stop feeling like the relic I am. To stop feeling like I’m still stuck in 2077. I’d imagine it’s well enough time to finally celebrate something.”

“I figured last night was a to-do, but I guess you’ve earned something fancy. Appearances sure matter a lot to you.”

“Have to make up for my personality somehow, don’t I?” He shrugged off his own glib self-deprecation. “Before we get going, did you want to try something new, too? The apparel clerk was incredibly helpful.”

Sticks’s attention fell elsewhere as they walked out of the junk vendor’s stall.

“Mm, no offense, but I prefer the way duds used to be made.”

“That’s fair. The display windows of the boutiques that specialize in prewar fashion have caught my attention every time we pass them. Right now, though, I feel more like trying to blend in a bit. To feel present.”

Something about yesterday’s conversation with Liam had ‘Choly’s mind abuzz with a confusion he nearly welcomed. His interaction with the apparel clerk repeated in his mind. With the utter unisex nature of garments, he couldn’t not ask her, with some trepidation, And how might a man go about wearing this one? And this? She’d let him into the fitting room stall so she could show him, making adjustments once he reemerged with the new clothes on his person. He smiled into himself as he mounted Angel.

“The clerk showed me how Laners wear things. I thought I could tell at a glance that wealth and status were demonstrated with wearing as many individual garments as possible, with wearing as much of a given fabric as possible, with the greatest intricacy to a fabric possible. But it’s more complicated than that? Really, it shocks me that you wouldn’t take a shine to this kind of place. She lamented that my orthotic corset has no detail work, and is made from such an uninteresting fabric. All function, with none of the form, she says. Clothing here is designed to show off the undergarments! Socks included, for example--hence all the golf trousers.” His eyes wilded, focused on nothing, as he reared up on his grip on Angel’s car-door handles. “I can’t imagine literally airing my unmentionables to the whole neighborhood, no matter what I paid for them.”

“...What’s that supposed to mean? Me not taking a shine to Ant.”

“Your... interest in corsets,” fumbled from him.

“Tch! Believe it or not, I don’t blow my top every time I see one.” He twisted taking exception to it into flirtation, and smirked up at ‘Choly. “Depends a lot on who’s wearing it.”

‘Choly crinkled his nose to hide his flustering.

“--Well! Hopefully we’ll find more to outfit me with. I know you didn’t find anything at the one merchant, but there’s dozens of vendors here with junk for sale. Which, speaking of leather scraps... You know, I’ve been noticing lots of leather and fur here, too. I know the Clark sisters dress the Laners’ kills, but I haven’t noticed anyplace that’s been permitted leather tools. It’s been driving my curiosity wild. Everyplace with clothes has had sturdy fur-lined leather overcoats for sale.” He waved a declaration through the air one-handed, before returning to an even grip. “A must-have for any body with business out-doors. Sufficient winterized rad-resistant gear and all that.”

“You really must be feeling better, to be so chatty. God bless that neck thing.” Sticks chuckled, warmed. “By curiosity, I’m assuming you’re asking where they get it all. You’re right, if you think the Furriers had anything to do with it. Well, had. No idea how Ant will react to the Unfolded. They used to caravan up here every so often, with the Riverhawk. They’d trade leather, fur, salvaged prewar fabric bolts, dressed meat. The Laners never much liked them, but the commerce was too good to turn ‘em shy. I traveled with them up here a few times, but even the times I’ve come up here on my own I’ve never really taken a shine to living here.”

“Fuck-me-in-the-mouth, I hope they don’t show up here.”

The last thing any of them needed was a continuation of what had transpired in Lowell. Surely, they hadn’t been followed.

“Gen’s got all their hands too full to bother with trade route upkeep, I imagine.”

“...You don’t suppose my coat lining came from here, do you?”

It took some time to grasp what ‘Choly was on about.

“That Franken-monster of a thing Bones gave you? I guess so, maybe. Both cities had a lot of textiles. There’s no telling where she got it.”

They entered the Gate City Clinic and sat in the mostly empty waiting area. One of the other medics noticed them and approached.

“Do you need help with something?”

“We’re waiting for Liam,” ‘Choly said.

“He’s about to take his lunch soon. You’ll be waiting at least an hour, if you’re intent to see him and not one of the other staff. What brings you in?”

“Just on time.” Sticks winked. “We’re waiting for his lunch hour. We’re here on business. Not doctor stuff.”

The medic shrugged and walked off to a desk to contend with some papers.

Liam walked up shortly after, this time in a velvet-trimmed sheer mesh shirt, and golf pants again. His deep eyes brightened in an otherwise indifferent face.

“You’re awfully stuffed up. You know that right?” His cigarette bobbed limply as he spoke. “But this, it’s an improvement. Really, I don’t get the preoccupation with salvaged prewar clothes. Most of it’s garbage these days. Deteriorating, stained, doesn’t breathe...”

“It only wears out if not properly cared for,” Angel said.

They couldn’t tell if Liam’s silence came more on account of his consideration of the Mister Handy’s comment, or more of their speechlessness that it had sassed a prospective business partner they’d only met the night before.

“Anyway.” Liam lipped at his smoke, then walked away. He wagged his head for them to follow him to the back. “I’m taking lunch now. Allow me to give you a tour of the place.”

The Gate City Clinic, the best ‘Choly could tell, utilized the original shop’s two offices for an office and storage space. He presumed the stock room at one end of the hall made up Liam and Orqueida’s living quarters, though Liam didn’t show them. He took them finally to the kitchen at the opposite end of the hall, once a break room. The makings of a rudimentary chemistry setup occupied a small kitchen hutch.

“Neither of us cooks,” Liam said, “but we also prefer to eat in privacy. Orqueida got us food before she headed to the Inn for the day. Have you eaten?”

“We haven’t!” Sticks eyed the sizable sack on the table. “You shouldn’t have. Thank you.”

“Orqueida insisted. You’re welcome, though.”

‘Choly’s mouth watered at the lingering aroma of hot pickled meat. He swallowed and did his best not to frown.

“...I appreciate it, but no thanks.”

“Oh,” Angel worried, “breakfast must be disagreeing with you already.”

“You’re out of your smoothies.” Sticks gave him an assertive glare. “Eat with us.”

Sooner than argue, ‘Choly took it upon himself to scrutinize the hot plate and various glassware Liam had collected.

Liam smushed his cigarette in the ashtray on the kitchen table, then produced from the oiled canvas sack beside it a series of lidded tins, ranging from bread box to tea tin, but mostly an average of them. Much like the sewing kits of yesteryear, ‘Choly knew better than to think Liam intended to serve them two hundred year old butter cookies.

“I thought the food court didn’t include the dishes,” ‘Choly said.

“They charge you for not having your own. But we can sell back the tins.” Liam shrugged. He opened the tin in his hand then, to demonstrate some shredded juicy pale stuff, only to glance down with a disappointed frown and replace the lid. “Ugh, sauerkraut. ...Breaks even if we clean it before returning it. You have tins, you find tins, you sell them to the food court.”

Sticks helped him remove the lids to reveal shaved corned brahmin, toasted bread slices, sauerkraut, thin fragments of a rindy cheese, a pepper tin of some sort of sauce, and what resembled pickled garlic cloves or mozzarella balls. The not-gold lighting blanched any visual appeal the foods may have had, but the savory piquant aromas more than made up for it. Liam produced utensils from a counter drawer and set them down on a clean dishrag.

“At least she didn’t forget the morsels.” Liam sighed as he popped one of the globules in his mouth, then one more. He held the tin out to the two of them. Sticks took two. ‘Choly picked up a fork to take just the one, almost uncertain they could be stabbed without breaking. “Digestive issues? Really, we should make time to sit and discuss all this. Maybe I could help.”

‘Choly watched the two men cobbling together sandwiches to either side of the table. He stuck the morsel in his mouth. Coated in a tart oil, its flesh had a firm bite but still a tenderness. Chewing on it for some time, it dawned on him these were some sort of mushroom.

“What would help... is more... Stimpaks.” As ‘Choly said it, his voice garbled into a self-conscious hush. “I’ve got everything else.”

Liam sat to dig in, his befuddlement on his sunken brow.

“I don’t figure you’ll be able to get started today. We’re just talking things over. Knowing the equipment you’ve got at your disposal should help draft what to send your ‘acquisition expert’ on errands for.” He unfolded a piece of paper from his shirt pocket one-handed and gave it to Sticks, who was much more nettled by the whole thing than he let on. “I’ve got a few things I’ll pay you for as well. Provided it wasn’t some fancy way of saying you’re a scavver, it should be a cakewalk.”

“The hell do you need so much-- You know what. Don’t worry about it, and I won’t, either.”

“You deal with him, so I don’t have to. I pay very well for it.”

Stress snagged up in ‘Choly’s throat.

“You mentioned last night that you’re looking for first aid basics. You traded a cervical brace for my handful of Addictol and Med-X.” His voice cracked. “What-- about Stimpaks?”

Liam sat up, and set down his hand on the table, still holding his sandwich in it. He scowled at his food instead of his guests.

“Stimpaks aren’t the end all for first aid. I really don’t have much use for them. A medic once had to know how to work without them, in the chance they ran out on the battlefield. I got my training in similar circumstances. I do rarely have them, but as far as I know, making them is a lost prewar science--”

“--But why not use advanced tools, where available?” ‘Choly reeled back the accidental sarcastic shock, clasping his chin. “Do you not see many severe injuries here?”

“We’re a cautious bunch. Most of what I oversee is illness, not injury. While I can handle injuries when they happen, I’m definitely grateful it’s not my job. It means the Lane’s safe.”

‘Choly steadied himself a bit by beginning to craft his own serving.

“What... if I told you that I knew how to make them?”

“I’d tell you not to bother.”

The chemist’s ears rang. He dropped it for now.

Over the next few days, ‘Choly got to work on chems, Sticks went on Liam and ‘Choly’s errands, and Angel assisted Liam in the clinic where he’d permit. He disliked that a majority of his trouble amounted to isolating the alkaloid salts from pounds of dried Hubflower petals, but he reminded himself that he was synthesizing Med-X with it. At least it came easily for him. He even got plucky and decided he’d throw something together with his stash of dried melon blossoms, to test his theory its compounds could steady one’s alertness. For the time being, he stifled the compulsion to up the level of difficulty and complexity, and did not propose anything off Liam’s work order more grandiose than an herbal remedy. They all had to prove their reliability to Liam, and sprawling out his efforts when his lab equipment was one step above kitchenware was the opposite of a sound idea. Besides, the man had requested medicine and nothing more.

One afternoon, Sticks burst into the kitchen. He flung down a mess of something in the tile floor with a semi-muffled clatter, only to dash back out with a huge grin. ‘Choly eyed the pile breathlessly from where he sat at work. Recognizing the same canvas and leather he had around his neck, he did his best to make sure the soaking pale purple-blue petals didn’t over-process.

Sticks stomped back in some time later, dragging along an exhausted Liam.

“These are the legs right?” He had the catalogue open, pointing at it eagerly. “Right???”

“It appears so. But I can’t tell from this jumbled mess, if it’s complete.”

“Then let’s see! ‘Choly! Stop messing with that smelly junk and let us at your legs.”

“You’re lucky the start you gave me didn’t make me break something. I was handling acid. ...I don’t have to remove my pants, do I?”

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Amending the snark, Liam added, “We can see how they fit over the trousers first.”

Sticks chuckled, wringing his hands.

With some effort, Liam pieced together the components, eyeing the catalogue for reference. Each segment was reinforced with metal boning and fastened shut on the outer parts with busks and fan lacing for ease. Sticks had the luck that the waistband which secured each hip hinge had come attached to one of the legs. Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t have known the piece was necessary.

“Aren’t you glad you turned me loose to go hunting on my own?” the ghoul delighted. “It’s funny. I remember fewer merchants being okay with anything less than cold hard cash. I’ve been getting run ragged obtaining the right stuff for the right people. But it’s all a drop in the bucket for you, Mindy.”

“Two pieces in one week. Three, if you count each separate leg. In tact. Yes, of course I’m amazed.“

Having followed Liam and Sticks back in, Angel entered to supervise.

Liam lowered himself into the floor and chewed at his cigarette filter while he worked at getting one of ‘Choly’s legs slipped into the thing. ‘Choly did his best to balance, and let out an anxious laugh when Sticks all to eagerly joined Liam in the floor to mirror the effort with ‘Choly’s other leg.

“Gotta practice,” Sticks insisted with a crooked grin, despite meeting no protest.

The two helped ‘Choly stand, so he could fasten the waistband. Liam gestured where the circular hinges needed to align, and the two steadied the leg pieces at the height needed to achieve this, so that the padded belt could be adjusted accordingly. Once they got him into the device, he took a few testing steps. His heart fluttered. Unsurprisingly, they gave a great deal of protest with each step.

“I brought a tool kit with me,” Sticks offered. “We can adjust how tight the hinges are, to stop all that squeaking and creaking. I’m sure I can find some oil, too.”

“Forget how they sound.” Liam put out his cigarette. “Do they help?”

‘Choly kept testing them out, pacing slowly and deliberately from one end of the kitchen to the other. He couldn’t help but snivel and smile with awe.

“I feel like a toy soldier... but that isn’t necessarily a negative. My hips are lined up to where I don’t have to think so hard about the steps I take. I do think they could stand a little tightening up, but the alignment’s still good despite being as old and beat up as I am.”

“The oldest thing in this room is probably the ghoul--” Liam elbowed Sticks beside him, “--but the braces come in a close second.”

‘Choly turned, deadpan.

“I’m older than he is.”

“By seven years or so, if memory serves,” Angel said. “Twenty-eighth of November, 2034.”

Liam’s humor didn’t falter, though he stood with a vague discerning squint. ‘Choly ambled over to the table to sit with a grunt.

“If I can bum a smoke and sit back down, I’ll explain why I might be one of your weirder patients.”

He himself sat backward in the metal diner chair wordlessly. He produced his pack of Clipper Ships from his rolled sleeve, tapped out two cigarettes to place in his lips, and lit them. And he offered one across the kitchen table between genteel thumb and forefinger, his eyes bright with eager skepticism.

____________

Fun facts: Russian dressing (often substituted with Thousand Island) is credited to have been created in Nashua, NH, by one James E. Colburn.

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[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 32

Oh my gosh I didn’t think I was going to ever finish this! My week has been insane! Hope you guys are all doing well, enjoy the update :)

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse, @ihavenotfallenyet

Master List Here

Happy Reading Honey Bees! <3

Level 32

It had been a productive couple of weeks, excited over the recent developments you took off for home, hoping Edo would be online. Your research was going well, but you’d managed to have an intelligent conversation with the super cute doctor at work, and you had to tell someone. Sure, Edo was one hundred percent not going to enjoy the gossip, but you were sure he’d listen or at least pretend to.

With your game console turned on, you put in an order for a pizza and made your way to the couch to get comfortable. Not even five minutes had gone by before you got a rush of notifications on your phone, all thanking you for signing up for the partner’s battle tournament that was happening tomorrow. Confused and concerned, you stared at your phone, wondering if there had been a glitch, or worse, someone you were trying to avoid has signed up and listed you as their partner without saying anything.

Crap.

You couldn’t log on faster, the moment the game loaded you dove into your game’s notifications looking for clues on who could have possibly signed you up. Then your controller vibrated off of your lap.

EdoPorcupine5661 → Hope you’re free tomorrow. If not we’ll find a time to destroy my meddling friends… Well that may solve one mystery ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → There’s more than one? Yes actually. First question ← WildCyt0m3try What meddling friend do I need to thank with a smack? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → OneEyedDrag0n, turned around for five minutes… Sounds like a wonderfully chaotic friend you’ve got ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → That’s one way to put it. Next Question! What were you going to do if I wasn’t free???? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Forfeit? That would have been the only option….any other questions… What’s our plan? ← WildCyt0m3try

For the better part of three hours, you and Edo put together a strategy that would hopefully cover all your bases. Not that you could predict what every other player was going to do, but you had the advantage of understanding what the major contenders were going to do, which would hopefully give you both a leg up in the tournament. It wasn’t until you had logged off and were crawling into bed that you realized you’d been so concentrated on purchasing new equipment and salves, telling Edo about your week had utterly slipped your mind. Oh well, maybe you’d be able to slip it in tomorrow.

When your alarm went off the next morning, your first thoughts were those of confusion. You didn’t have to go into work, did you? Aggravated, you smacked at your phone until the noise stopped, and you rolled yourself right back over in bed. It wasn’t until your eyes were closed, and you were nearly asleep again that you remembered you had a tournament to attend. Thanking the gods you didn’t have to be anywhere physically, you shot out of bed and ran down the stairs to turn on your console. While you are waiting for the login screen to pop up, you scrounge around your kitchen, looking for anything that would suffice for a decent breakfast. Finally, settling on a comically tall glass of chocolate milk and a bowl of your favorite cereal, you settled onto the couch and readied for battle.

EdoPorcupine5661 → I was beginning to wonder if you’d show. IM NOT THAT LATE OMG! ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Oversleep? Coffee? Boyfriend? First off, good morning to you too sunshine ← WildCyt0m3try Secondly, I’m not late, so even if I did oversleep we’re good ← WildCyt0m3try Third of all. I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → So you asked, and he got mad and ditched? Has anyone ever told you how pessimistic you are? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → All the time. What about it? As long as you know lol ← WildCyt0m3try I’ll have you know, he said he knew we weren’t exclusive. ← WildCyt0m3try Said with how long it took for me to agree even to date he knew better ← WildCyt0m3try Then proceed to decide how much free time I was going to have based on work commitments ← WildCyt0m3try I forgot my chill pills that day so yanno...haven’t spoken to him in a hot minute ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → sounds like you What’s that supposed to me? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → That you didn’t deviate from my perceived opinions about your character That literally sounds worse… ← WildCty0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → It isn’t, I just complimented you Pffff, if you say so ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 →  I do. Now let’s get ready. Roger that best friend ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Stop No, you deserved that ← WildCyt0m3try Also, I mean it <3 ← WildCyt0m3try Now let’s kick some digital ass! I want that prize!! ← WildCyt0m3try

The tournament bracket was released early that morning. Your first battle wasn’t until round three based on their tiering system, and for that, you were grateful. Sure Edo had already come up with a pretty solid plan, but it was nice to see who you could potentially be facing. Fortunately, you knew OneEyedDrag0n wasn’t participating today, so you didn’t have to worry about being surprised by a wayward ax again. The plan was to trick people into being overly confident for as long as possible since Bow Knight and a Pegasis Knight didn’t look like a problematic duo to overcome. That’s why this was going to be fun.

After hours of competition, it boiled down to the final round. You weren’t sure if you were excited or terrified of this. Everything had gone according to plan; you had managed to keep the extensive and unexpected arsenal of weapons and magic hidden just long enough to get you through the less challenging rounds. If everything went the way you had expected it to, the two would be facing off against Kenshin and Sasuke, a formidable duo.

EdoPorcupine5661 → Ready? I think so? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Not good enough, you’re either ready, or you’re not. I’m ready then ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Good

When the controller vibrated, signaling the start of the battle, you sucked in a breath. Part of the tournament was about getting around the map and collecting specific items. Navigating the map was easy enough with Edo a mounted unit and yourself a flier, but you didn’t want to get too cocky. Sasuke had picked up the lockpicking skill in his previous class, meaning he’d take any treasure he could get to without fail or need for a key, and Kensin’s unit had enough brute strength if your dexterity faltered once you were a goner.

The idea was to split up and take any treasure in your immediate area, once those were in hand the both of you would mount a generally weak attack on Kenshin. Sasuke would hopefully round back after completing the collection mission, which is when Edo planned to break off and corner him—leaving you to deal with Kenshin by yourself until Edo could take out Sasuke. The entire plan hinged on Sasuke being sent to open all the treasure chests and Kenshin being too excited to fight either of you.

Fortunately, it seemed to be working. Your fingers furiously tapped at buttons, trying to will the game into cooperating with your skillful button mash. It didn’t have to be pretty right now; it just had to be a useful distraction. When Kenshin finally landed a hit, you sucked in a breath; quickly, you ran the scenario. You were stuck between healing yourself or bet on your stats and take another crack at Kenshin.

Decision made, you closed your eyes and held your breath, hoping your lance would activate its ability. You didn’t want to look, having decided you’d keep your eyes closed until the next turn you waited. It wasn’t until your phone started vibrating off the hook you thought to look around. Kenshin’s avatar was no longer visible on your screen, and the more you looked, the more you realized that nobody’s stats were available anymore.

Oh gods, had your wifi crashed in the middle of the tournament? Panic rose in your chest, but it was shut down quickly when WINNER flashed across the screen in bold. What? That couldn’t be, right?

EdoPorcupine5661 → Well done Thanks? I honestly don’t know what happened though ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → I hit him with a long-range bow skill, and you delivered a critical hit Oh, really? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Don’t believe me? Not really. ← WildCyt0m3try I’m convinced this is a fever dream ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Who’s the pessimist now? Still you ← WildCyt0m3try It will always be you lol ← WildCty0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Whatever EdoPorcupine5661 → Don’t forget to accept the prize money I wont ← WildCyt0m3try This was fun. It’s been a good week ← WildCyt0m3ty EdoPorcupine5661 → I guess it has EdoPorcupine5661 → I’m getting off now Same, enjoy your evening! ← WildCyt0m3try Eat something fun to celebrate :) ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Sure EdoPorcupine5661 → you too I guess…. Awe, you do care!! ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Whatever

[halothenthehorns]

ARAGOG

  ARAGOG

Remus took the book very unwillingly, not looking any kind of excited to see how right they were about those 'attacks a day.'

The weather was showing its end of the year spirit, showing the brightest of blue skies and the grounds bursting with garden life.

"Sounds lovely," Lily sighed, wishing her favourite time of year wasn't so amok due to the events of this year.

The inside of the castle was the opposite. Every face inside was now permanently etched with worry and fear now that Dumbledore was gone. Harry and Ron were now barred from entering the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey fearing that someone could return and finish off the students inside.

All five of them winced, James saying, "err, yeah I guess that could be a possibility. We still don't even know why those students were attacked."

"Man this is depressing," Sirius huffed,"makes me wish for the old years where the students were just being hauled out of school because of paranoid parents."

"That wasn't any more comforting," Remus snorted.

The corridors were barren, students could no longer linger around and chat as usual, and any laughter that could be heard faded quickly.

"Now that I remember," Lily sighed.

"I couldn't stand that after my third week," James sighed, "I grew up in a pretty quiet house, I wasn't going to stand a quiet school!"

Harry kept turning Dumbledore's last words over in his head, but who was he supposed to ask for help? The teachers looked just as confused and scared as anyone.

"I thought he meant it more metaphorically," Lily grinned, "not literally."

While Harry smiled at his mother for the light comment, he also sighed, wishing he had someone to turn to back then.

Hagrid's comment was much easier to understand, but the problem was there seemed no spiders around. Ron wasn't very eager to help find them.

"Yeah," Remus nodded, "I picture Ron looking for spiders like Sirius looking for a dragon's nest."

Sirius huffed and muttered something under his breath.

They didn't get much of a chance to look though, as they were being herded through the corridors by teachers, much to Harry's exasperation.

"As would I," they all agreed, that sounding annoying.

The only person who looked to be enjoying this new mood was Draco, who had been seen strutting about and preening in pleasure.

"He's really trying his hardest to make himself not look suspicious, huh?" Sirius laughed.

Harry wasn't sure what he was so happy about,

"He's pleased because his wish came true," James growled to himself, "wasn't he the one who wished it was Hermione that got petrified next?"

"Thanks for that reminder," Harry grumbled, his fists balling up all over again.

"Are we sure Malfoy doesn't have something to do with this?" Sirius asked. "Cause if you ask me, he's still taking this too lightly."

"Well, since nobody but Muggleborns have been attacked yet, I'd have to say he doesn't have anything to worry about," Lily sighed.

until he overheard him talking loudly in their next Potions about how happy he was his own father had been the one to get rid of Dumbledore.

"Oh yes, now let's brag about your father getting rid of the greatest headmaster ever," Remus growled.

"I will genuinely sob if someone doesn't punch that kid in the face soon," Sirius hissed.

Going on in high spirits about how the next Headmaster hopefully wouldn't even want to close the Chamber.

"I shudder at the thought," James sneered.

"What, is he hoping his dad will be the new headmaster as well?" Lily asked.

"Wouldn't surprise me," Sirius gagged at the thought.

McGonagall surely wouldn't last long.

"No," Remus snapped, "if the worst happens and Dumbledore really can't come back, they'd have to kick her out as well before being able to replace with their own Headmaster. Even then,

McGonagall has her own right to designate her own second."

"You kind of scare me when you start ranting like that," James told him honestly.

Remus shrugged, only simmering down slightly.

Then Malfoy turned to Snape and asked if he was going to get the job next?

"Then I'm sure I'd roll over in my grave," James hissed to himself.

Harry suddenly felt like he'd been sucker punched between the eyes, but surely he must be misunderstanding Malfoy. There was no way in Merlin's pants that Snape could ever get ahold of that position...right?

Snape was clearly pleased, unable to suppress a horrid looking smile,

"I'm sure he's just sobbing with grief," Sirius grumbled.

but he corrected Malfoy that he was sure Dumbledore would be back soon. Malfoy disregarded this and said that Snape would have Mr. Malfoy's vote should he apply, how Lucius had always said Snape was the best teacher at this school.

"If he kisses up to him anymore, I'm going to be forced to make a very lame brown nose joke," Sirius huffed.

"For the love of Merlin, please don't," James groaned. "Since most of your jokes are bad enough as is."

Snape was still smirking as he turned away, thankfully missing Seamus faking vomiting into his cauldron.

All five of them cracked up laughing at this, finding it a more than appropriate response.

Malfoy was still talking, saying how he was stunned the Mudbloods hadn't jumped and left themselves yet,

Remus finished that sentence with a foul taste in his mouth. He hated how casually this child threw that word around.

and said that he was positive the next one would die. He was just sorry it wasn't Granger.

"I can't believe this," Lily gasped, losing a shade of colour. "Who could say something like that? Let alone a child?"

The other three boys agreed, but Harry puzzled over something. He had a distinct feeling that, when it came down to it, Draco wasn't a killer. What on earth could possess him to think this? No one noticed his silent questions, Remus was already done agreeing with Lily and moving past this.

The class was moving towards the door now, cutting off Ron's attempts from lunging at Malfoy.

"Attempts?" Sirius frowned in annoyance, "who's stopping him?"

"Sirius think about it," Remus sighed, "he's in Snape's classroom."

"I don't care," James snapped, backing up his friend, "I'll take fifty detentions just to punch that git in the face for saying something like that."

Harry shook his head sadly from side to side, saying, "while I agree with you, Snape would have stopped Ron before he even started. Then he would have gotten the detentions, without the

satisfaction."

"I love it when you reason things out like that," Remus grinned, "shows a lot more thought than these two ever did, or even Lily for that matter."

"I've no idea what you're talking about," she grinned.

"Don't even," James huffed, sitting back in his seat, "we all know you've got a temper, and you would have cursed this kid sky high given half the chance. So far the only one who can keep their heads in this sort of thing is Remus, and Harry it seems."

Harry just smiled and shrugged.

Harry and Dean were holding him back from doing anything rash, despite Ron's very verbal protests that he didn't need his wand to kill Malfoy with his hands.

"There's that to," Remus chuckled, "he doesn't want to go puking slugs up again now does he?"

"Like he said though," Sirius shrugged, "fists can work just fine."

Harry and Dean still wouldn't release him until Snape had escorted them all to Herbology, when the Slytherins went back inside and they were standing outside the greenhouses. The class seemed very off with two of their numbers now missing.

All five of them shivered at once, hating to hear that aloud once more.

Sprout set them the assignment to prune an Abyssinian Shrivelfig, and Harry turned to see himself facing Ernie Macmillan.

"Not this one again," James groaned, placing his face in his hands, "I already want to punch one twelve year old in the face today!"

"I really hope he's not going to start throwing insults at you again in the middle of class," Lily huffed.

Harry tensed up for another fight, but Ernie surprised him by apologizing to Harry for ever thinking it was him.

"What's this?" Sirius asked, craning around and trying to pull away the book.

"Knock it off Padfoot," Remus griped, keeping the book closer to himself, "and let me read. I think I like where this is going."

He said how he was foolish to think Harry could hurt Hermione. Then he offered his hand.

"Well that was nice," Lily said, brightening at once.

James hesitated for a moment before nodding and saying, "any kid who can admit they were wrong, and then apologizes like that. Yeah, guess this kid's not all bad."

"Still a gullible idiot," Sirius grinned, then nodded along saying, "but not all bad."

"Well this couldn't have worked out better," Remus smirked, agreeing full heartedly with the other two, "hopefully the rest of the school follows that same line of thinking, and you'll stop getting rumours following you around."

"I sure hope so," Harry agreed.

Harry took it and let the whole matter go, so Ernie called over his friend Hannah and they all started working on the same plant. Ernie began the conversation by stating how he'd instead come up with a new idea for the Heir of Slytherin, Malfoy.

"Now he's at least more on the right track," Sirius grinned.

"To bad he's wrong," James huffed.

Ron snarked back that he must feel so smart, clearly not as forgiving of his earlier slight as Harry was.

"And that's how a real friend does," Sirius nodded, "even if your mate stupidly gets over it, you hold a grudge for him."

"That doesn't make any sense," Lily rolled her eyes at him.

Sirius just shrugged, it made perfect sense to him.

When Ernie asked if Harry agreed, Harry said no so forcefully, it made the two Hufflepuffs stare.

"Well that wasn't very thought out," Remus out right laughed this time, "you should have at least given a good reason as to why you thought not, or even better agreed with them. Just because you know they're wrong, doesn't mean you can't indulge them."

"I didn't see the point in spreading rumours," Harry defended, "I hate them, even aimed at people I don't like."

"Maybe he's less like Remus then I thought," Sirius grinned.

Then Harry's attention was distracted by spotting some spiders scuttling over the grass through a crack, and Harry hit Ron's hand with the shears to get his attention.

"Ouch," Sirius winced, "what was that for?"

"To get his attention," Harry pointed out.

"A simple poke would have been kinder," James laughed.

When he pointed out what he saw, Ron looked far from happy, and when Harry followed their path further he noticed that they must be heading for the Forbidden Forest.

Lily then said something very unladylike.

"Mum?" Harry asked in concern.

"You're not actually going to follow them in there are you?" She demanded, going a little wide eyed.

Harry mulled that over for a moment before shrugging and saying, "if I give you one of my gut answers again, are you still going to be mad if I'm right?"

"That's a yes then," she moaned, beginning to gnaw on her lip at once.

"This can't be good," Sirius huffed, "this can not be good."

Harry thought back to the stories these boys had been telling him about the Forbidden Forest, and then agreed out loud with Sirius.

"So you lot have never seen where the spider's den is?" Lily asked pitifully.

"Nope," James shook his head sadly. "We followed them in pretty far once, but then we came across some that were twice the size of us. We hightailed it out of there and never went back."

"Why would Hagrid say to follow them anyways?" Remus demanded. "It didn't even occur to me that when he said to follow the spiders, he meant the ones that would lead him into the forest!"

"Where else did you think they would lead?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, maybe to the chamber, or if you followed them backwards, to where the monster was hidden. Not to their den!"

"This isn't going to be good," Harry sighed, before encouraging Remus to go on anyways. None of them looked the least bit happy about this.

Ron looked even unhappier about that.

"Can't imagine why," Sirius muttered.

When that class let out, Professor Sprout had to take them all to their DADA class.

"Great," James huffed, "even more of an annoyance to deal with."

"Believe it or not, I'd take a double Dark Arts class with him over that bleeding forest," Lily shuddered.

Harry and Ron fell behind to the back of the group as Harry whispered to Ron that tonight they were going to put the invisibility cloak back on and head out there. They'd take Fang along, since he always travelled the forest with Hagrid.

"Now that's fair," Remus nodded, "last year Hagrid did say nothing would hurt you with Fang around."

"Think that holds true for the giant spiders?" Sirius asked. "They saw me and didn't have a problem trying to eat us."

"I don't think it works with just any dog," James disagreed. "It might just be Hagrid's dog in particular."

"Here's hoping," Lily murmured.

Ron agreed without any enthusiasm. Then he voiced out loud a common rumour that werewolves had been seen stalking that forest.

"So glad that rumour never died out," Sirius chuckled as a brief distraction.

Harry chose not to answer that,

"Oh that was comforting I'm sure," Lily muttered.

and instead reminded Ron of some of the good things going around there, like the centaurs and unicorns. Ron had never had the pleasure of being in the forest before, and Harry's one escaped had not led him to want another go. They'd reached their next class by this point, and Lockhart came bounding in with high spirits.

"As blundering and useless as always then," Remus grumbled to himself.

When he saw the students all sitting quietly and tense, he demanded to know what they were so upset about.

"I'm not even going to answer that," Sirius declared.

"Thank you," Lily said sincerely.

No one bothered to answer him, and Lockhart was all too happy to point out to them that the danger the school was in was gone! The person who'd done these terrible things had been arrested.

"Oh please," James huffed.

Dean demanded to know how he knew that, and Lockhart laughed lightly before pointing out that the Ministry would have never arrested Hagrid if they weren't positive he was the one.

"And here I thought he couldn't get more stupid," Lily said in disbelief.

"The Minister was covering his own arse by taking in someone who hadn't done a thing wrong-" Sirius began hotly.

"Yes Sirius, we know, and it is wrong," Remus pacified, "but stop that now so I can read."

Sirius slouched back and kept up his muttering anyways.

Ron shouted back that yes they sure would. Lockhart brushed him off by saying he knew far more about the goings on of the situation then Ron.

"You flatter yourself too much," Remus snapped in disgust.

"Besides, I doubt you know a touch more about anything over a toddler. I'm one hundred percent sure my little four month old upstairs could do more magic than him," James growled.

Ron was about to bite back and say he definitely knew otherwise, but Harry kicked him.

"Ron seems to be getting attacked by you a lot today," Lily grinned.

"He is acting out," Remus noted in surprise.

"I'd be even worse if one of my friends had been attacked," Sirius defended.

Shushing him and reminding him that they weren't actually supposed to know anything. Still, Harry was half tempted himself to chuck Gadding with Ghouls at Lockhart by the end of class.

"Slow applause for your show of strength anyways," James sighed.

He contented himself with instead writing a note to Ron that they were going to do it tonight.

"Can't you do it never?" Lily muttered under her breath.

Ron hesitated, glanced at Hermione's empty seat,

"Best motive for doing anything ever," Sirius agreed.

and nodded his agreement. That night drew on much longer than usual, the twins having come over and decided to play a few rounds of Exploding Snap,

'Well that was rather nice of them,' Lily thought, noting they hadn't really been known to do this yet, and she couldn't help but wonder if Ron's siblings were trying to be extra nice to him in sympathy for the temporary loss of his friend.

while Ginny slumped in Hermione's usual chair and looking rather morose about it. Harry and Ron kept losing on purpose,

"I guess I can see the point of doing that," Sirius shrugged, "but still, wouldn't that look a bit suspicious?"

"They didn't seem to notice," Harry shrugged.

and finally Fred and George grew tired and went to bed along with their sister. Harry and Ron took the chance, went upstairs for the cloak, and once again left the tower.

"Well here you go boys," Lily snarked, "Harry and Ron are finally doing something with the cloak you should approve of."

"Please Lily," James moaned, "is now really the time for that? Yes, we snuck into the forest all the time, but we never intended to go find giant man eating spiders, except for one time! Then we didn't again when we realized how bad they were, give us some credit."

Lily tried for a smirk, she had been trying to push some humour into the room, but it didn't seem to hold the same effect.

They once again had problems with stealth, the teachers still constantly patrolling all of the floors, but they still managed to make it onto the grounds without getting caught.

"It really should be harder to get out of the school," Lily noted.

"Nah," Sirius disagreed, "I insist they make it easy on purpose. The teachers know we need out of the castle more than they allow." Present time excluded of course, where they were clearly going out of the way to stop them.

"Soundless logic as that is," Lily snorted.

Ron tried to convince himself that maybe the spiders hadn't really been headed for the forest, they could have veered off in another direction.

"Poor kid," Remus winced, "boy is he in for surprise."

They made it to Hagrid's hut, and Harry let Fang out

"Oh, please tell me that someone's been letting him out," Lily fretted.

"I think someone said something about McGonagall taking him out," Harry soothed.

"That's an adorable thought," James grinned, "picturing her coming out and around and taking Fang out to go potty."

who began barking with mad joy. Harry quickly fed him some of Hagrid's food which promptly sealed the dog's jaw shut.

Sirius started laughing very loudly, and it took him a moment to calm down before he breathed out, "I think that's base torture."

Harry decided to leave his cloak inside Hagrid's place, as he didn't really think he'd have use for it in the already dark forest.

"I disagree," James scoffed at once, "there are plenty of reasons you don't want to be seen in the forest. Fold it up and carry it or something."

Harry just shrugged, he had nothing to say to that and it was already done.

They walked over to the edge of the forest, where Fang promptly lifted a leg and pissed on the nearby trees.

"Well at least he's going to have a good time," Remus chuckled.

Harry took out his wand and used the spell Lumos to light the tip of it, giving him a glow of light. Ron said he'd do the same, but his wand would probably set the whole forest on fire if he tried.

"That's probably true," Sirius snickered.

Harry glanced around at his feet, and sure enough, came across some spiders heading in. Ron sighed, but didn't argue the point and led them inside.

"That's some friend," James grinned from ear to ear, "walking into literally a real fear just to find out a secret that might help his friend."

"Best kind of friend there is," Sirius and Remus both grinned, Sirius privately thinking he'd brave a dozen dragons' den if it would stop this catastrophe of a future he was hearing about.

It wasn't easy, keeping track of the tiny black crawlers going over leaves and through bushes. Many times Harry lost sight of them and it took some time to come across some more. Deep into the woods, they caught sight of them again, heading off the path.

Lily shuddered in disgust, remembering Hagrid's words clearly about not leaving the paths, though also trying to comfort herself with knowing that these four boys in the room had obviously ventured off the path and seemed to be alright. Still, she herself didn't much like the idea, no matter how much she heard about it.

Harry hesitated as he clearly remembered Hagrid's words of warning against this,

"Sound advice," Lily sighed out loud this time, "wish you would have followed it," clearly to herself.

but Hagrid wasn't here, and they had to do something. Harry was startled out of thinking when something cold touched Harry's hand, and he startled so bad he jumped onto Ron's foot, but it only turned out to be Fang's nose.

"Jumpy much," Sirius said in forced light tones, not finding it remotely funny.

Ron shrugged it off and pointed out they'd come this far already, they may as well keep going.

"No, the correct response to that was, we shouldn't go any farther," Remus muttered under his breath.

So deeper they went, until Harry's tiny light was the only break in the darkness. At some point the ground began to slope beneath them,

"And that's about when we ran into the giant spiders," James nodded in remembrance, "when the ground began sloping towards the middle of the forest."

"That was not comforting, in the slightest," his wife informed him.

and Fang scared them both again by barking.

"Not good," they all muttered. Anything Fang barked at was never good.

"Thought Fang had his jaw glued shut?" James randomly giggled as a distraction.

"It wears off," Harry reminded, pointing out how he'd earlier wrenched his jaw apart to snap at Hagrid about his crack in wanting a signed photo.

Ron was going pale with fear, his eyes shifting around to figure out what had startled the dog. Harry whispered that he could sense something big, listening intently.

"Please tell me you just run away once you find them," Remus hissed without any conviction.

They both remained tense and frozen, Ron consistently muttering 'no' under his breath,

Even as Remus read that, he could hear the faint echoing of it in the room from the other occupants. No one wanted Harry anywhere near...well anything that was big and in the forest.

and Harry could feel himself growing even more stressed as time elapsed and nothing happened. When Harry said this out loud, Ron muttered whatever it was, was probably getting ready to pounce.

"I don't want Ron to answer questions anymore," Lily muttered.

Still they stood there, until finally a bright flash of light,

"Light?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"You think a teacher followed them out?" Remus asked curiously.

"Nah, or they would have been stopped long before this," James disagreed.

"Then what would cause a light in the forest?" Sirius asked redundantly.

Since none of them had a real answer, Remus read.

came boring down on them. Fang startled and tried to make a run for it, but only managed to get tangled up in a thorny bush.

Lily very much wanted to feel sympathy for the poor dog, but she was far more worried about her little Hare Bare and his extremely vulnerable, wandless, friend.

Harry was blinded and blinking spots out of his eyes, when Ron sighed in relief and exclaimed it was the car!

"The car?" they all repeated in confusion.

The fear that had been mounting in Harry's face suddenly relaxed again to confusion and slight amusement. "What on earth would the car be doing there?"

"Did no one ever go and get that thing out of there?" Remus demanded, rubbing at his chest from delayed fear.

"Wow, that car's just been running around the forest this whole time?" Sirius asked, slightly bemused, and trying to shake off his want of screaming from the mounting fear.

"Better it than Fluffy," James muttered.

Ron wasn't wrong. Harry finally made out the shape of Mr. Weasley's Anglia, which was scratched and muddied, but nudging up to Ron like an old dog greeting its owner.

"Wow, Mr. Weasley must have had the car for ages for it to be so imbued with magic," Lily said, rather impressed.

"Kind of want to enchant my bike like that now," Sirius said, grinning brightly, "looks like it might be loyal."

Lily dearly wanted to smack him for that, not finding it funny in the slightest.

Ron was laughing with relief as he patted the hood and noted that the car must have been running around the forest this whole time turning wild. Harry went over and got Fang untangled from the bush, and then joined Ron while putting his wand away.

"No," James shook his head frantically, "I'd still keep that out." He couldn't quite get the image out of his mind of the last time Harry had been in the forest. Sure he had better backup then Malfoy now, at least Ron wouldn't run at the first sight of trouble, but with a broken wand he still didn't feel that secure about the place as normal.

It didn't hold Harry's interest long though, as he told Ron they'd lost their trail of spiders and they had to get going.

"Can't you just get in and go back to school," Lily groaned.

"Now what would have been the point of going out there?" Harry asked rhetorically.

Ron did not respond. He was looking ten feet above Harry's head.

Remus' voice began pitching with fear, this didn't seem good.

A fixed look of terror in place.

"Well that's not good," Sirius whispered, right in line with Remus' line of thinking.

Harry didn't even get a chance to turn around, as something caught him around the middle and he found himself dangling upside down.

Lily's mouth was half sagged open, like she wanted to scream but couldn't find the air. Harry gave her a very concerned look and asked, "ah, Mum?"

"Ten, ten feet," she stuttered, then gave a great shiver as if trying to shake them off herself.

"I, dang yeah, they were about that big," James was a little off colour as well.

"I hate acromantulas," Sirius muttered, rubbing goose bumps out of his arm.

"But I'm fine," Harry reassured at once, "and this trip is really important, I'm sure of that."

"So long as you and Ron come out with all four limbs," Remus huffed.

Harry tried to get loose, but whatever was holding him seemed not to even notice. Harry spotted Ron and Fang in the exact same situation, all of them being carried away farther into the forest.

"Fang's probably why they didn't eat you outright," Remus reasoned aloud, "like Hagrid said, the spiders must have recognized Fang and knew not to attack."

"I really kind of want to know now how Hagrid made a pact with spiders," Sirius said honestly.

"Whatever he did, thank Merlin for it," Lily shuddered again one more time, that horrid mental image of her boy being clutched in a sea of spiders still not quite leaving her, "because it's

probably what saved these boys' lives."

Harry caught sight of what was carrying him, and wished he hadn't. Six legs were marching along, while the front two were holding him aloft above sharp pincers.

All five of them gave one last wince of disgust, hoping the book would quite describing this now.

There were dozens more all moving across the leaves, and before he knew it the car had faded away.

"Wish the car had gone to protect them or something," James muttered.

"I think it was trying to," Sirius offered, "seems a bit of a coincidence it just showed up then yeah? Personally I think it was trying to warn them to get out of there."

"Too bad they didn't listen," Lily huffed, giving Harry a sidelong look which he sheepishly ignored.

When Harry's vision adjusted to the dark ground again, he saw the floor of the forest was nothing but a carpet of the smaller spiders.

"Okay, I don't even have a fear of spiders, and I'm starting to freak out," James gaped.

"Poor Ron," Sirius agreed, "and you," he added on thoughtfully to Harry when he saw his pup watching him.

They were brought into a natural den, surrounded on all sides by the carthorse sized arachnids.

"How big do they get?" Lily asked in disgust.

"They keep growing until they die," Remus seemed to be regretting having to answer, but willing to anyways for their benefit, "and they can live for up to sixty or seventy years. They also have some form of a hierarchy, a dominant male and female, that continue reproducing until the mother of the group is too weak to fend off the young. Once they grow too old, their young will eat them, and a new hierarchy will start to form."

"That was more than I ever wanted to know about them," Lily grumbled, "but thanks all the same."

They were dropped onto a thankfully spider free patch of leaves, and Harry was now staring at the largest spider web he'd ever seen in his life. Fang was dropped on one side, the dog nonstop whimpering, his tail tucked up tight beneath him. Ron fell on his other side, his eyes so wide they looked likely to fall out of his head, and his mouth seemed frozen in a scream he couldn't get out.

"He must be living in a nightmare right now," Sirius said pityingly.

"There goes any hope of Ron getting over his fear of spiders," James agreed.

Harry's ears then tuned into the fact that the spiders were speaking.

"They speak?" James demanded in disgust.

"How smart are they?" Lily yelped.

"Human smart," Sirius and Remus both said.

"They just get better and better," Harry muttered.

They were calling out the name Aragog.

Harry went bright eyed for a moment, nodding to himself as yet another name slide into place in his mind. It wasn't a very important name, of that he was sure, but one that he felt he should have remembered vividly and feeling pleased he now could.

The largest spider of all came climbing up the web, equal in size to a small elephant, each of its eyes pure white. This spider was blind.

"That is almost funny," Sirius said curiously.

"Just as dangerous without his eyes," Remus disagreed, "so whatever you're thinking, the answer's no."

"You're no fun," Sirius told him, while privately he was scoffing. Like he really wanted to go anywhere near those things.

The underling spiders announced they'd brought humans, and Aragog at once asked if it was Hagrid. When they said no, he simply said to kill them,

"Yeesh, harsh much," James winced, going several shades paler.

that he'd been sleeping.

"And now we know not to disturb you during your nap," Sirius grumbled, "next time, we'll give you notice."

Harry found his tongue and shouted out that he was a friend of Hagrid's.

Remus nodded, knowing on instinct this was the best thing to say right then.

Aragog hesitated then, telling how Hagrid had never sent people into their place before. Harry explained that Hagrid was in trouble, and was shocked to hear Aragog repeat this with concern in his pincers.

"Aw," Lily said in surprise.

"Wow, I'm genuinely impressed," Remus agreed, "most acromantulas don't form human bonds. In fact, I'm almost positive this is the same giant spider that Riddle tried to kill, and Hagrid

protected."

"It would make sense," James nodded.

"Well then thank Merlin for Hagrid's oddity with monsters," Sirius shrugged.

Then he asked what had happened, and Harry said that Hagrid had been blamed for something going on at the school, that he'd been sent away to Azkaban. This didn't seem to be the right thing to say, as the spiders all around him began smashing their pincers, making it sound like a horrid mockery of applause.

"Not a good idea to be agitating them right now," Sirius fretted.

"I'll keep that in mind," Harry responded calmly, giving all of them a chance to give him a weak smile.

Aragog protested that all that had happened years ago. Harry spoke of how it was all happening again, then asked if Aragog was the monster from the Chamber. Aragog denied he was, stating that he came from an egg from far away, and Hagrid had taken him in.

"Oh that's even better," James muttered, "seems Hagrid is the one who started the Acromantula colony in the forest himself."

"Yeah, Hagrid just lost some brownie points with me," Sirius grumbled, taking back his earlier comment a bit.

He'd hidden him up in the castle and fed him scraps from the table.

Lily might not like the idea of giant man eating spiders much, especially ones that so casually said her son could be eaten, but she did feel grains of pity for this creature and could understand why it felt so partial to Hagrid now.

Hagrid had been a good friend to him over the years, even acquiring a female named Mosag.

"A little too much goodness if you ask me," Remus frowned, "I think giving him a girlfriend was going just a bit far."

"Oh but it's so much fun picturing it," Sirius grinned, "think of little Hagrid talking to a lonely Aragog, and then him asking about girls and whether Mosag liked this or-" he stopped when

Remus smacked him, even though Remus didn't seem to notice the nasty glare Sirius was now giving him.

Harry confirmed that Aragog had never hurt anyone, and Aragog said he never had, though it was in his nature, he'd never harmed a human out of respect for Hagrid.

"Bet your kids can't say the same," James muttered to himself, having heard a few stories in his time of other students wandering into the forest and not coming back out.

The girl who had been killed all those years ago had been found in a bathroom,

Harry nodded to himself, saying aloud, "that's it. That was the important thing I remembered about this night."

"So you went out there only to find out it was Myrtle who died," Sirius frowned. "Honestly, you could have just sat around and talked to her with much less deadly results."

"I didn't know that then," Harry defended.

"Guess there's no point in arguing it then," Remus butt in before Sirius could respond.

and Aragog had never left his cupboard. Harry asked if he did know what had killed her, and Aragog actually sounded afraid as he remembered begging Hagrid to let him run away when he heard the creature moving through the castle.

"Well this just got unbelievably creepier," Lily frowned, "I'd hate to meet what scares an acromantula."

Remus nodded to himself, as if he needed more proof of what he thought was in the bowels of the castle.

All around Harry, the other spiders were growing with agitation, inching closer and still rustling their pincers.

"Could you please stop describing that now," James groaned, trying to ignore the fact that it was getting hard to hear at all from the harsh thumping in his chest.

"Kay, you got your information," Sirius said, starting to bounce in place again, "can you please leave now."

Harry had his own look of unease in place, but he was still determined to talk to the spider as long as possible.

Aragog then snapped that he did not speak the name of the creature,

"Which is a real shame, cause I would have liked to known by then," Harry muttered mostly to himself.

he'd never even told Hagrid. Harry was starting to feel closed in, all he could see around him were infinite spiders of all sizes still getting closer. Aragog seemed to be back away now, clearly growing weary of talking.

"Now, we were wanting to leave," Harry agreed with Sirius, forcing back a sense of unease that was starting to build.

Harry couldn't help but notice this, and said that they'd just be on their way then. Aragog disagreed,

"I'm sorry, I'm starting to wish Hagrid hadn't ever found this stupid spider," James snarled, "cause I don't like it."

"Agreed," everyone else muttered.

saying that he may be able to stop his children from attacking Hagrid, but not any random person that came in. He called a goodbye to the friend of Hagrid.

Remus couldn't help yet another shiver of fear and disgust as he read that. Acromantulas were extremely hard to kill, so how on earth had his cub gotten out of this? He didn't wait for the stony silence to erupt into outrage at the spider, he simply read on swiftly.

Harry and Ron jolted to their feet, Harry pulling his wand out despite knowing it was no good, he definitely didn't know any spells to get him out of this mess, but knowing if he was going to die he was going to go out fighting.

Then he had to stop again to choke off a strangled sob. All he could picture was James, doing this same thing for his soon perished life-he jumped slightly when Sirius nudged him in the ribs, hard. His eyes were too bright, he looked like he was trying to force himself not to blink to hold back tears, but one glance over to the couch showed that the little family of three were having their own issues with that sentence. Knowing Harry was fine and alive only slightly comforted him as he forced himself to keep reading.

Before anything else could be done though, another to bright light came barrelling onto the scene, as Mr. Weasley's car came hurtling down the slope.

Lily blinked once, twice, then she burst out in half hysterical laughter. "I-I'm sorry," she gasped, looking around at Harry and finally getting out, "I am so sorry for having yelled at you for taking that car to school."

Harry grinned at her, never having held the scolding against her, but pleased all the same she didn't seem to be holding that against him anymore.

Almost giddy with excitement and laughing at this bit of circumstance, Remus now read eagerly.

It came swerving to a stop right in front of Harry and Ron, doors thrown open.

"Definitely going to be enchanting my bike," Sirius said with real conviction now, watching Lily warily to see if she was going to get mad at him again, "it seems like it will be handier than harm."

Lily pursed her lips, but then chose to say nothing. While she was still a woman of the law before a lot a things, she decided just then she might be able to turn a deaf ear to what he had just said...the benefits seemed far more important just then.

Both boys lunged inside, Ron grabbing up Fang and hauling him in as well. The doors slammed shut and the car revved off of its own accord, knocking into many spiders on the way.

"They deserve it," James muttered mostly to himself, though no one would have disagreed. They were all still just a little winded at yet another horrifying deadly experience that happened to Harry, heart rates weren't even considering going back to normal until Harry and Ron were far away from that den.

The car followed its own path, somehow knowing where the widest gaps in the trees were.

"I hope that car never leaves the forest now," Sirius grinned wildly, "can you imagine the sight of that?"

"It seems to come in handy," James agreed.

Harry glanced over at Ron and found his mouth was still frozen open, though his eyes looked a little less huge.

"Ron seems to have gotten quite a bout of bad luck this year," Remus noticed with a slight wince.

"Walking into the forest into his worst nightmare," James agreed, "takes some kind of kid not to have run screaming."

"Didn't you hear though?" Sirius asked, trying to keep a straight face, "he was silently screaming the whole time."

"Knock it off you three," Lily finally cut in, "enough of your joking around, this isn't funny."

"We didn't say it was," James defended, now massaging his chest and hoping his heart rate would go back to normal before the next catastrophe, "we're just sympathizing with Ron."

Lily watched them for a moment more before shrugging and letting it go.

Harry asked if he was okay,

"I'm going to guess the answer to that is no," Remus said sadly.

and Ron seemed unable to find the words to answer. The car carried them all the way out until they could finally see the moon above again.

"Now for the love of anything, please tell me you don't go back in there!" Lily moaned.

"Ah," Harry wanted to fervently agree with his mother, but he had a sinking feeling it would be a lie if he agreed, so he instead said nothing. They all noticed this, and it didn't improve a mood one bit.

When the car parked itself and opened its doors again, Fang launched himself out, running full pelt back to Hagrid's with his tail still tucked between his legs.

"Poor dog," Sirius said in sympathy.

Harry stumbled out as well, thankful feeling had returned to his limbs, while Ron tumbled out and just sat in the grass. The car gave one more slight rev of its engine before turning tail and going back into the forest.

"Sweet," James said, finally finding a grin again, "I can't wait to spread the rumour about a car trundling the forest."

"Let's see how many people you can get to believe that," Remus snorted.

Harry went back into Hagrid's and grabbed his cloak and came out to find Ron vomiting over by the pumpkins.

All five of them winced, hoping Ron wasn't going to do something worse like pass out. He had just lived through his worst nightmare, so the kid could afford to be more than a little queasy, but it would be really bad for the two of them to not be in bed in the morning and Ron passing out would make that all the harder.

He finally found his voice again when he ran out of vomit and swore he'd never forgive Hagrid for leading them into this.

"That does make me really wonder what Hagrid was thinking," Lily agreed with Ron.

James opened his mouth to say something, but then Remus caught sight of the next sentence and read loudly.

Harry offered that Hagrid must have thought Aragog wouldn't hurt friends of his.

"Thought?" Lily hissed, "well he shouldn't have tested that theory on Harry."

"He was scared," James defended, "and desperate. Maybe he thought Aragog would give Harry some more useful information about why he was in Azkaban."

Lily didn't think that excused Hagrid's negligence, but she couldn't find it in her heart to be too angry with him either. He hadn't known what was going to happen, of that she was sure, so to hold a grudge for it would be petty, so she let the matter go.

Ron still wasn't happy, demanding to know what the point of them going in there was!

"Another piece to the puzzle," Harry sighed, "which you guys mostly worked out already."

"Don't feel too bad," James said at once, "we're older, and time really does add on to experience. Plus, this is kind of something no one your age should even be looking into, so the fact that you do know what you do is kind of amazing in itself."

"Yeah, don't beat yourself up because you weren't old yet," Remus agreed.

Harry couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face then.

Harry reminded that Hagrid hadn't opened the Chamber, that he was innocent. Ron snorted in disbelief, clearly thinking that hiding an acromantula away in the school wasn't exactly innocent.

"Well innocent of murdering the girl then," Harry amended.

"Close enough anyways," Sirius chuckled.

They made their way back to the castle as Harry mulled over all that he'd heard tonight. The way Aragog had been speaking made this monster sound something like a Voldemort creature.

"Now that's a creepy parallel," Lily said, not liking the comparison one bit.

Harry collapsed back onto his bed and still wondered over the whole thing, like how Riddle had obviously got the wrong person, but the Heir of Slytherin was still out there. Was it the same person then who was doing this now?

"That is still a big question," Remus agreed.

There was one other thing, and Harry realized what it was as he jerked upright with a start, waking Ron who awoke with a muffled scream of fear.

"Nightmares," James said with a frown, "boy's going to be having nightmares for a month."

"Can't even blame him," Sirius agreed.

Harry quickly explained his epiphany, how Aragog had said a girl had died in a bathroom, what if she was still in there?

"I still say that mad trip was worth figuring that out," Harry shrugged, quickly adding on, "though

I hope to never repeat the process."

"Guess I'm going to have to live with that," Lily grumbled.

Ron had to rub some sleep out of his eyes before he caught on, whispering the name Moaning Myrtle.

"Yeah, whoever would have suspected that nutter," Remus agreed as he passed Lily the book.

[elisaphoenix13]

A Supreme Family Christmas

Stephen stepped into chaos when he portaled back to the tower after checking in on the Sanctum and Kamar-Taj. The trip to Nepal was to check on the apprentices progress, and the Sanctum to check on the master that constantly filled in for him now that he lived at the tower. He checked on all three Sanctums but New York was a favorite for obvious reasons.

Now he wanted to go back.

Particularly because Scott and Sam were tossing a football in the house. At least Peter seemed to be keeping Clint's kids occupied. The archer was watching the other two with envy but he was trying to make a good impression on his kids. Stephen's respect for the man grew a little.

With a sigh, Stephen sends Levi to intercept the football flying toward Scott, the cloak catches it, chucks it at Scott's head (getting a loud 'ow! Hey') in annoyance, then calmly takes its spot in the corner of the living room. It was kind of nice that the cloak responded to his thoughts. It made handling the team so much easier.

"Mama Bear's home. We have to behave now." Sam cackles from the other side of the room.

Cassie looks up and then leaves the other kids to approach Stephen, and tilts her head farther back to study him. "So you're Spiderman's mommy?"

The doctor ignores Scott's facepalm behind him and smiles. "In a sense."

"Daddy has a crush on you." Cassie smirks when her father shouts, "I told you that in confidence Peanut!"

Peter snorts as he gets up. "It's not a secret." He walks over to Stephen and hugs him tightly. "Welcome home. How are the magical monks?"

"Boring. I never thought I would prefer the noise that comes with living with these assholes. Where's Tony?"

"Down in the lab. He had some last minute things to do for Christmas gifts."

"That would explain the ball throwing."

As Stephen walked into the kitchen, he took the time to take in the Christmas decorations quite literally covering the family floor. When he left yesterday morning, not a single piece of tinsel was to be seen. Now? It looked like Frosty the Snowman barfed.

Yes, there was fake snow. Apparently whatever was covering New York outside wasn't enough. A few weeks ago, Stephen would have chalked it up to Tony wanting to somehow making it up to Peter since the boy had trouble thermoregulating, but the sorcerer solved the little issue of the teen not being able to go outside and enjoy it. He made Peter dress warmly then conjured a heating spell just warm enough that he could still get cold but it wouldn't be fatal.

His son thanked him by throwing a snowball at the back if his head.

Peter soon realized his error when Stephen turned and multiple copies of his arms appeared.

Tony sensibly avoided that disaster. Bucky on the other hand jumped in to help Peter. The rest of the Avengers eventually following, creating the world's most intense snowball fight. It actually made the news.

"I would ask how you get the others to behave, but I've seen your powers. Both mystical and motherly." Loki smiles at Stephen from the table and the sorcerer joins him with a freshly conjured cup of tea. "It's about time one of you showed your face."

"I agreed to parent Peter...not the rest of the Avengers." Stephen thinks for a moment. "Nothing was broken right?"

"No. Not yet at least." Loki confirms.

Although nothing was broken, the trickster spoke too soon. Some of the Avengers, including Peter, started horsing around again and a few minutes into the chaos, a collective gasp reaches Stephen's ears. He stands from the table with a tired sigh, and Loki follows him around the corner to the living room to the Avengers frozen in place and looking up at the sorcerer in horror. It didn't take the man very long to notice the missing member.

Scott's eyes widen when anger slowly crawls onto Stephen's face. "Wait! He's okay! Just...nobody move! You might step on him."

Oh, Strange was livid now. "YOU SHRUNK MY CUB?!"

Bruce waves his hands wildly and attempts to shush the raging man. "Stephen! Peter is smaller which means we're louder!"

Mama Bear quieted instantly. Peter going through sensory overload was a worrying possibility. The teen was not accustomed to changing size like Scott was, and even if he was, his spider senses would be going haywire. Those absolutely would not be okay with the sudden change. Poor Peter was probably curled up and miserable.

Stephen points at Scott. "Find him. Now."

Scott uses one of his discs to shrink himself (as he did not have his suit handy) and five minutes slowly pass in absolute silence. Of course, Tony chose that time to show his face but everyone was thankfully able to keep him quiet. Loki, being the closest to the billionaire, whispers for him not to move, and Tony stops halfway to their position. He was very obviously confused at the silence, something even Clint's youngest son wasn't breaking, but probably gathered it was important.

Both Peter and Scott finally grow back to their original sizes behind one of the couches a couple minutes later, and Stephen dashes to the boy's side at the sight of hands over his ears and the sound of pained sobs. Steve pulls the ex-criminal away from the teen before Stephen can manage to run him over, and the sorcerer pulls Peter's head to his neck when he drops to his knees in front of him.

"Focus on me. Heartbeat. Smell." He notices Peter is holding back from touching him and remembers the boy saying Levi helped with his touch sense. The cloak was soft. "Do you need the cloak?"

Peter nods and Levi immediately floats over to curl around the teen.

"FRIDAY. Overload Protocol in the living room please." Tony says quietly as the Avengers (and their respective families) very slowly and quietly sit down around the living room.

The lights dim, shades cover the windows, and everyone waits patiently with bated breath as Stephen helps Peter through his sensory attack. A half hour passed before the teen finally stopped his miserable sobs and wrapped his arms around Stephen's neck, silently letting the man know he was feeling better. The sorcerer then turns his attention onto Scott once he was convinced Peter was well enough.

"Lang--"

"It wasn't his fault." Peter interrupts. "He threw the disc but I reached out and caught it by reflex. He was aiming for the tree."

"You would get yourself into trouble because of a reflex." Tony says from the other side of the couch.

Scott risks approaching the teen and gently rubs his back. "Sorry about that shortstack. You okay?"

Peter sniffs and rubs his eyes. "Y-Yeah. I'm okay now."

And just like that, everyone returned to their Christmas activities. Most of them actually just turned on a Christmas movie, and others gathered around the coffee table to play card games. Peter squishes himself in between Rhodey and Tony on the couch with Levi still wrapped around him since the cloak was being a little overprotective. Nobody was quite sure if it was the cloak itself or if it was acting on Stephen's thoughts, and some just assumed it was a little of both.

Dinner was had, both in the kitchen and in the living room since the dining table couldn't fit everyone there, and then gifts were exchanged much to the kids pleasure. Anything not safe for small eyes were either opened slyly, or was put to the side to be opened later, with only one incident that had parents and nearby Avengers covering kids eyes. In Peter's case, Levi smothered his face to block the view of Thor's gag gift from Natasha. The teen was not amused and definitely knew Stephen was responsible for the cloak suffocating him.

"I'm sixteen! I'm pretty sure whatever it is, I've seen worse on the internet."

Stephen coughs. "Sorry...habit."

Even though Levi moved away from Peter's face, the gift was already shoved away out if sight so he turned his attention back to his unopened gift. He had been buried in gifts. Granted, half of them were from his parents but the other half were from the team, Pepper, and Happy. All except the one in his lap.

It was from Aunt May.

Tony said she willed specific things to him and this was one of them. It was also one of the things he was putting finishing touches to that morning.

Peter cried for the second time that day (happy tears this time) when he ripped colorful wrapping away and found a leather bound photo album. It was filled with pictures of his biological parents, his aunt and uncle, and Peter. Baby pictures, rare pictures of a couple of vacations, birthdays...everything. The album was large and the pictures only filled about a third of it, leaving plenty of space to fill with more memories.

The last two pictures were a group photo with the Avengers, and the other, a picture of Peter, Tony, and Stephen curled up on the couch and dozing. It must have been from one of their movie nights.

Tony grins from beside him. "Platypus had to help me put that together. I kept getting distracted."

Rhodey hums around his forkful of pie in confirmation. "He was blubbering like an idiot over your baby pictures."

"You said you wouldn't tell!"

Peter smiles. "This...this is great. Thanks for taking the time to finish putting it together."

Tony smiles softly and throws his arm around the teen to pull him close and kiss the top of his head. "Of course kid."

A few more minutes pass until the last of the gifts are passed around and Tony stands. He maneuvers his way over to the tree and claps his hands together.

"Okay! So there's one more gift I need to give...at least hopefully it's seen as a gift..." He gets a bit of a collective laugh at that statement. "I wasn't going to give this but I got yelled at by at least four people so to avoid their wrath, and because I want to..." Tony plucks a small box hidden in the branches of the tree and turns towards Stephen, who at one point during the gift exchange managed to find an empty spot on one of the couches. The sorcerer looks at him curiously, and then his eyes widen when Tony drops to one knee and opens the box to reveal a beautifully customized but simple ring. "What do you say Mama Bear? Want to make it official?"

Stephen opens and closes his mouth in stunned silence until Happy elbows his ribs sharply. He then sighs with exasperation. It wouldn't do to show how happy he really was.

"You idiot. I thought you would never ask."

"Is that a yes? Please tell me that's a yes."

"Of course it's a yes."

Tony smiles as he stands back up and leans down to kiss Stephen, as he was still sitting, and everyone bursts into cheers and wolf whistles. Peter was the one to voice everyone's thoughts though.

"Oh my god! Finally!"

[ohlovelywar]

Stark and Parker

a/n: this took me forever to get out ANON SWEETIE I AM SO SORRY, this takes place right after civil war and italics are flashbacks!  

request: hi so I tried to write a fic but it didn't come out good, so can you do it? because yours are so good!! The reader is Tony Starks daughter and she can't tell anyone for her own safety. she is dating Peter parker, and they don't know about each others secrets until one day he is recruited and see each other at the compound :) I know this is really specific :))

paring: peter parker x fem!stark!reader

warnings: playful teasing and banter, peter being an awkward shy mess that we all love, edited but i haven’t slept all night or day or let’s just say unedited to be safe, cursing cause ITS MEEE, some angst somehow, some fluffy moments, i miss the avengers fam

word count: 2,473

He was late...again. It was the third time this week that he was late for patrol. Peter mentally scolded himself, knowing that he should be helping out more. He was running, running through the bust sidewalks of New York city. Typically, Peter just stuck to watching over Queens. He rarely even went into Brooklyn. But something told him that he needed to be there today. He couldn't figure out why, his spider-senses only telling him to be alert. He tried to decipher his feelings as he squeezed through the crowd of people. He was nervous and...giddy? Well that makes no sense. Right then and there, Peter's body collided with another person, a hot liquid spilling on both of them, causing them both to cry out in pain.

Peter looked up and was met with a girl, no older than he was, now covered in coffee.

"I-I'm so so sorry!" Peter apologized, further scolding himself. She tucked her slightly long, dark hair behind her ear and smiled at him.

"It's okay! It's crowded here so it would have happen regardless," She tried to make the situation better even though she lost all of her dysfunctional families coffee including her own.

"Still, I'll-I'll buy you some new ones! And, uh, a new shirt. Shit. I'm really really sorry." He pulled out his wallet to hopefully reimburse the poor girl for the spilled drinks and spoiled shirt, only to find no money. "Just my luck," he thought to himself.

"Seriously, it's okay! Accidents happen! All the time! Especially here in New York." Sure her skin was burned from the give or take 64 ounces of fresh, steaming coffee poured on her, but she was just as clumsy and she didn't want this poor guy to suffer.

"But," Peter looked down at his watch. He was really late for patrol now. He groaned as he struggled with what to do. He knew he need to start patrol as soon as possible and get to his backpack where his homemade superhero suit was waiting for an adventure and justice. But, he also knew that he couldn't just leave this girl after ruining her day.

She could sense that he was in a hurry. To where? Who knows, but she decided to make this easier on the both of them.

"Give me your phone."

"What?"

"Give me your phone."

"Why-"

"Just do it!" Peter reluctantly handed her his phone, absolutely clueless of her plan. She added her contact into Peter's outdated iPhone, smiling as she returned it to him. "There. You seem like you're in a hurry so you can make it up to me on a date," she winked at him. Peter began to blush as he stuttered. She laughed and waved bye to the boy, hoping that it wouldn't be the last time that she gets to see his cute face.

Peter looked down at the phone and found her contact. Y/n. He smiled as he watched her figure retreat down the sidewalk, further and further away from their little coffee accident. A pretty name for a pretty girl.

Y/N walked into the huge compound, instantly being met with the loud clamor of her expansive and not all completely related family.

"Little Stark!" Wanda greeted, drawing the team's attention to the teenage girl who entered the building.

"Yo Stark! Where's the coffee?" Sam yelled asked.

"Ha. About that-"

"She's wearing it," Natasha pointed out, a teasing smile now on her face.

"Ms. Stark, what happened?" Vision asked, concerned as to why the young was suddenly covered in coffee but still seemed in a fabulous mood.

"Ran into someone."

"Damn kid just cause we have money doesn't mean that you can go spilling it and wearing it," Tony looked at his pride and joy, trying into to laugh.

"Steve doesn't like that language Tony," Rhodey joked.

"You know what? For a Colonel-"

"I'm fine by the way. In case you case were wondering ya know. Just some minor second degree burns no biggie," y/n interrupted Steve.

Wanda gasped, ”You met a boy!"

"You met a boy?!" All the adults formed a chorus. Tony, Steve, and Rhodey were all concerned, protective parents, Vision was trying to figure out what was so specially about meeting someone of the opposite sex, all while Sam and Nat were happy that their niece was finally going to get some.

"Wanda you snitch!"

"I'm sorry! I'm trying to control it I swear! It's just, your thoughts were so loud I couldn't help myself!"

"Who's the boy?" Tony questioned, a million emotions flooding his system.

"Dad-"

"Who's the boy?" He repeated.

"No nobody! No one! Wanda," y/n sent glares to the other young girl in the house.

"Guys stop with the third degree. It's obvious nothing happened. She's literally wearing coffee."

"Jee thanks Sam."

"Anytime y/n/n. Anytime." At that moment, a small ding came from y/n's phone.

"Hey y/n! It's Peter the guy that ran into you earlier today. Would you might to maybe like go out sometime this weekend?" A smile followed by a blush took over y/n's face. How could she say no?

And thus was the beginning of their beautiful relationship.

Five Months Later

The compound was quiet, far too quiet. Y/N hated it with a burning passion. She missed all the clashing and banging from the training center. She missed the awkward, flirting tension that would follow Wanda and Vision everywhere. She missed Sam yelling at Steve to stop running so fast. She missed Nat trying to teach her basic combat skills behind her dad's back. She missed showing Steve all the new things about the internet and watching the greatest movies of all time that he didn't get to see due to the ice. She missed bantering with Sam about who's Steve's best friend was: her or Sam. She missed Rhodey and Sam ranting about the "two crazy white boys" in their lives. She missed her dysfunctional family more than she ever thought possible. And she was so incredibly pissed at both Steve and Tony for not finding a common ground for the accords.

Tony was just as upset. He hated silence, he always knew he did. But he never knew he could hate it so much. He never thought that he could miss Steve, or Wanda, or Clint, or Sam, or Nat. He never knew how much he could miss his daughter yelling at Vision for barging into her room. Or her and Wanda screaming Taylor Swift lyrics at the top of their lungs. Or Steve's thousand questions as they watched some classic movie that he never got to experience. Or the mess the team would leave the kitchen, training room, living room, hell, practically the entire compound. He missed catching Nat teaching y/n how to fight. He missed the dysfunctional family he never knew he had, until Steve and Bucky left him to die in the snow, all alone and cold, bleeding out, wondering where the hell did he go so wrong. Seeing the after math of the Avenger's "civil war", Rhodey struggling to walk on his own and y/n barely leaving her room, made him feel even more guilty. Even thought the fight was both of their faults, Tony couldn't help but feel that it was all his. That he could have, should have, would have done more to fix it...but he did it. And now everyone, even Clint: the retired Avenger, Scott: the man that suddenly entered the team's lives during the fight, and his own sweet daughter: y/n, are facing the consequences.

He sighed, checking his phone while hearing the news blare from his daughter's room to make up for the quietness of the compound.

"Sir, Mr. Parker is here," FRIDAY informed him.

"Send the kid in." He put away his phone and put on his "I'm Tony Stark and I have my shit together" mask.

Peter was, well, to best explain it: the love child of the emotions excited, nervous, anxious, and worried. No matter how many times he had talked to Tony  Stark, he could never get over the fact that he was talking to Tony Stark, THE Iron Man himself. He wondered what Ned would say if he knew. Probably something extremely fanboy-sih like: "Oh my god what did he smell like? If you don't say iron than I give up supporting him." He then thought about what his girlfriend would say to all of this. She didn't exactly know that her boyfriend was the spider vigilante. Or that he had superpowers. Or that Tony Stark had taken him under his wing and had him fight alongside him to stop Captain America. She didn't even know that he left the country just a week ago per Mr. Stark's request. He didn't know what her reaction would be. And he didn't get much time to think about it as the elevator doors opened up to the compound.

Peter's eyes widened in a childlike wonder. He was so caught up in his surroundings that the doors almost closed on him. He stumbled out, still looking around.

"Hey underoos," Tony greeted, putting his phone away.

"H-Hey Mr. Stark. This place is amazing!" Peter exclaimed, his eyes still roaming around the room.

"This used to be the Avengers compound."

"Used to? Oh! Right! Berlin."

"Yeah...Berlin. Let me show you around."

While Tony took Peter on the grand tour, Rhodey thought he'd pay a visit to his favorite Stark.

"How you doing y/n/n?"

"I hate this," she grumbled, lowering the volume of her television.

"I know."

"No offense Rhodey, but you guys are adults. Grown adults. Why couldn't you guys have come to an agreement or something?"

"It's not that simple. You know that."

"But it should have been." She looked down at her lap, trying to hold back the tears. "I'm sorry bout your legs."

"You can't expect to come out with everything in a war like that."

"But it's your family."

"Makes it just a little worth it."

"So, why are you here? Don't get me wrong I love your company Rhodey but I'm sure my dad would prefer you in his sight."

"Came to check in on you. Also, to tell you that the new recruit is here."

"New recruit?" She perked up.

"Yeah. I think you'll like him too. He's your age."

"My age?" She started to laugh. "Rhodes there's no way in hell that Tony Stark, the Iron-Man, my father, would ever recruit a kid my age."

"Well, why don't you just come see for yourself?"

"Is this an attempt to get me out of my room and to face my dad?"

"No, but I'm saving that for future reference. Just come see."

"I'm going. I'm going."

Tony stopped the tour in the living room as soon as he heard his daughter's giggle.

"Pete, there's someone I want you to meet."

As soon as she walked in, Peter froze. Y/N turned her gaze from Rhodey to the two people in front of her and her eyes widened.

"Peter?" she gasped, a smile finding her face for the first time in a week.

"Y/n?" Peter's brows furrowed. He was trying to figure out how the hell his girlfriend got here. Tony looked between the two kids and then back to Rhodey, mentally asking what was going on. Rhodey shrugged his shoulders, just as confused.

"What are you doing here?!" she gave him a hug. She had missed him, esspecially with all the crazyness that had taken over her life the past week.

"Mr. Stark invited me," he hugged her back, also missing the way her voice sounded and how soft her skin was. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here. Wait, invited you?"

"Y/n, this is the new recruit," Tony informed her, scared that she was going to tear him apart.

"Wait what?!" She looked at her dad.

"Wait, why do you live here?"

"She's his daughter," Rhodey answered.

"YOU HAVE A KID!?" Peter yelled.

"Yes.." Tony took a step back, the whole scene feeling too much for him suddenly.

"AND YOURE HIS KID?!"

"Yeah wait why is he recruiting you?"

"He's Spider-Man. How do you two know each other?" Rhodey was more than curious to figure out the drama going on before his eyes.

"YOURE SPIDER-MAN AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME!!!"

"IM SORRY!! YOURE TONY STARKS DAUGHTER AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME!!"

"...YOU HAVE A POINT BUT IM SORRY!"

"Screaming kids," Tony snapped his fingers in-between the two, "yeah, hi! How do you two know each other?"

"Oh, well, uh, y-you see Mr. Stark. The thing is..." Peter scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"He's my boyfriend," y/n cut him off. 

"I did NOT see that coming!" Rhodey exclaimed, laughing. "He's the guy that spilled coffee on you two months ago??!" Y/n nodded sheepishly as Peter blushed.

"You told them!?"

"Pete, I was covered in coffee. What did you want me to do? Say I threw up coffee?"

"Really underoos? My kid?" Tony asked, still refusing to believe that his work child and his blood child were dating.

"I DIDN"T KNOOOW!"

"Really y/n? My underoos?"

"Really dad? My Peter?"

"Hey I found him first."

"Actually, I did."

"Actually the spider did," Rhodey intruded.

"Am I being fought over by Tony and y/n Stark?" Peter asked, still confused as to what was going on.

"Yup. It's a pleasure isn't it?" Rhodey teased.

"Listen, as much as I want to be mad I really can't cause you're both good kids so, knock yourselves out...but not up. Please, not up. But Peter, if you hurt my daughter, I will hurt you. And y/n, if you hurt Peter, I will hurt you. Alright?"

"Yes dad."

"Yes Mr. Stark."

"So wait. Is Peter, like, living with us now?" y/n asked.

"For a bit. Just so we can train him." Peter and y/n looked at each other with huge smiles on their faces.

"Let's give them a moment Peter," Rhodey dragged the teen boy out.

"So, do you forgive me?" Tony looked at his daughter with hopeful eyes.

"I'm still upset with you...but I guess I'll forgive you're letting my boyfriend stay for a bit."

"I love you y/n/n, you know that right?"

"And I love you too dad." The two shared a hug for the first time since the spilt of the Avengers, finally feeling as if they had a family again.

"Is this a bad time to ask: where exactly am I staying?" Peter interrupted.

"Jeez kid, can't you see we're having a moment?" Tony rolled his eyes.

"Come on," y/n laughed, "I'll show you to your room."

"Remember to use protection!" Rhodey called out after the two teens. He received a shove from Tony and a middle finger from y/n. Yup, all was finally going to be right in the compound again.

[oscar-isaacs-number-one-bitch]

“Bad Times at the El Royale” Movie Review

Bad Times at the El Royale is the sophomore effort from writer and director by Drew Goddard (The Cabin in the Woods) and stars Jeff Bridges, Cynthia Erivo, Dakota Johnson, Jon Hamm, Lewis Pullman, and Chris Hemsworth. In this film, a group of total strangers all stay at the same place: the El Royale hotel, which sits split in half by the state border between California and Nevada. As the film progresses, the characters get to know each other in ways that may seem unusual to others, but are truly only the tip of the iceberg. No one is who they say they are, including the hotel manager, Miles; perhaps even the hotel has secrets of its own. With the walls closing in and everyone getting increasingly antsy, can the guests solve this mystery before it’s too late?

This is the first Drew Goddard film I’ve seen; having not personally been privy to The Cabin in the Woods, I had absolutely no threshold or expectation for exactly the kind of film that I was in for in terms of style or script. I was curious as to how the plot would play out with the marketing and trailers having given basically nothing of it away, even accidentally. I’m very happy to say that not only did I thoroughly enjoy this movie, I enjoyed how much it enjoyed itself (to a point). Drew Goddard is an excellent screenwriter, and it is no small thing that he has an immensely talented ensemble cast to help the writing along to reach its full potential. The actual narrative plays itself out as a Hateful Eight-esque set-up a bit more in line with a “what if Clue, but the 70’s” aesthetic wherein the story opens with a mysterious dialogue-free sequence meant to shock and intrigue the audience, and then follows each character around on increasingly elaborate plot threads that one can discern weave together at various points if you’re paying enough attention and eventually piece together most of what’s going on just-too-late for the third act to really kick things into high gear.

This approach to storytelling, while having been done a few times before, is always pretty fun both as an actual exploration and exercise of mystery filmmaking and as a genuine throwback to the earlier days of films that let themselves take their time and allow the audience to relish in the fun of trying to figure it out themselves. And although the actual script (while clever) does get a bit too convoluted and show-offy for its own good on a cinematic level, it continues to work and impress enough on a theatrical level that I found myself struggling to care whether or not the film was as smart as it thinks it is because I was just having too much damn fun with it. That’s the strength of a great script, and one that I would absolutely lump in with the great “theatre films” currently under the umbrella of my cinematic vocabulary (i.e. The Hateful Eight, Thoroughbreds, etc.). It’s strange that thus far, Tarantino is the only director that I know of who continues to make that genre of film with this kind of scale, but this is a welcome surprise entry in a film category which hopefully only grows as the years go by (seriously we need more films that play out like plays with increasingly more elaborate and creative but noticeably exclusive cinematic tricks to help the story along – the genre really is full of untapped potential). The productions design is also gorgeous, with 70’s period detail just packed into every frame, of which there are many great ones (including a shot that follows Hamm down a long corridor that’s bound to be taught in film classes as a showcase for how to make your shot increasingly more interesting the longer it goes on).

The performances, of course, are all top-notch. Every member of the cast is pulling out all the stops they’ve got. Jeff Bridges has always been a reliable actor for playing a broken man who can barely remember how to talk to other people but seems warm enough, and you can tell Jon Hamm is just having all the fun in the world with the dialogue his character is given. Dakota Johnson is also really quite good here; it’s nice to be reminded that she’s a legitimate actress and not just one half of the two members of 50 Shades that have any discernable talent. In fact, the only real surprises among the cast’s swell of talent are Cynthia Erivo (here making her film debut after transitioning over from Broadway and television) and Lewis Pullman, who plays the hotel manager. Erivo is an excellent screen presence, continuing to surprise and delight with each new plot turn until one has no idea what she’ll end up doing next. Unfortunately it ends up being nothing quite as exciting as what most of the other characters are given to finish with, but that’s more the fault of an overloaded (but still clever) script than her as an actress. She holds her own well enough against titans like Jeff Bridges that one might think she’d been acting with legends like him for a while.

Pullman too has his own pretty great turn as the hotel manager. I can’t precisely remember what it is I’ve seen him in, but his acting ability has noticeably grown since then; what he’s asked to deliver in the way of lines is both hilarious and immensely disturbing, and Pullman rides that line with more natural balance than a tightrope walker in Cirque de Solei. I won’t say much about Chris Hemsworth’s character because I believe that knowing as little about him going in as possible increases the joy of watching him outperform everyone else like the second coming of Brando, but suffice it to say, he steals every scene he’s given right out from under them as if he’d just learned the secret to always winning Texas hold ‘em. It truly is an incredible thing to witness.

Where the films finds its flaws though, are in its monstrously clever script. Now, don’t get me wrong, I mean every word I’ve written on it thus far, but still it must be addressed that in order to have a clever script, it also needs to remain clear in transition from scene to scene, and occasionally Drew Goddard’s mystery boner tends to run away with itself and lose the audience in the process. It still remains fun, but that fun sometimes gives way to a bit of confusion as some decisions either in the editing room or in the script itself take the audience out of the current moment to show them the relevance of that moment to the broader story in terms of timeline or character motivation. It’s only in the third act when this stops happening, and upon reflection, it probably could have stood to happen a little earlier (though exactly where I do not know).

Following this train of thought, the second act itself is pretty long and while I certainly enjoyed watching the actors show off that they can act like nobody’s business, some of those scenes placed in the separate rooms could have stood to be a little bit shorter. I was never bored, per se, but I did start to feel those scenes being stretched out a bit too long. Perhaps this was done as a way to increase the character developments or tease further mystery, but to me, it just felt a little overdrawn. As well, there doesn’t seem to be any legitimate relevance to the idea of the hotel being literally split in half by the California/Nevada state line. There are some general rules that get addressed early on about gambling laws and monetary values, but other than that, the idea of the state line division doesn’t actually factor into the plot at all, and ultimately feels like it just Goddard trying to be clever with something he didn’t want to edit out but found no use for. In that vein, there are also one or two plot threads that never get explored or resolved that ultimately feel odd considering every other thread of their type that do get a fair amount of screen time devoted to them, but to say any more would spoil one of the larger surprises of the film, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Still, despite these noticeable (if ultimately irrelevant) flaws, Bad Times at the El Royale is a good time at the movies and gives us a welcome entry in a genre too-often passed up in both in terms of the sheer level of creativity required to play in its sandbox and the ingenuity it takes to explore that labyrinth of creation once brought to life. The performances are excellent and the characters are vibrant among gorgeous period design. It’s weirdly funny, greatly mysterious, bizarrely intriguing, and one of the better pure fun experiences in this cinematic calendar year; definitely recommended, even if only once or twice.

I’m giving “Bad Times at the El Royale” a 7.9/10

[coryperlaportfolio]

Artie Lange: Crazy Funny

(Originally published 8/30/2012)

For comedian Artie Lange, heartbreak and catastrophe go in, and humor comes out. It’s really that simple for the 44-year-old best-selling author, comedian, radio show host, and actor. Lange has learned to take the pain of addiction and depression and turn it inside out. He hasn’t had the easiest life, as anyone who has read his New York Times best-selling book Too Fat to Fish has learned, but Lange has persevered if only to make people laugh, and work out his problems on stage.

Lange and his radio show partner Nick DiPaolo will perform comedy on Saturday, September 1, at the Seneca Niagara Events Center in Niagara Falls.

When you sit down to an interview like this are you ready to answer anything thrown at you or are you just sitting there thinking "For the love of god, don't let them ask me about drug addiction or suicide"?

Artie Lange: I’m ready for anything. Whatever you want to talk about brother.

I think most of your fans know by now that you attempted suicide a couple of years ago. You spent some time in a psychiatric ward for a while. Obviously those were some dark times. Were you thinking about comedy at all while you were going through that?

AL: Was I thinking about comedy?

Yeah, when you were sitting in the psyche ward did you ever think about comedy or your career?

AL: Oh well yeah, when I was in the psyche ward, sure. Everything that I had ever done that was normal was on my mind. I was wondering if I would ever do any of it again. It’s funny because no matter how dark it gets you never stop being a comedian. Stuff would happen to me on the ward and I would go “God this would be a great story to tell on Letterman or a funny thing to put in my stand-up act.” So sure, you never stop thinking about it, but at that point I didn’t know what was reality or what wasn’t. I thought maybe I did die and I’m in fuckin’ hell, because that place was disgusting. The biggest thing in my mind was how the fuck do I get out of here?

What popped you back into reality?

AL: Time, really. Everyone who I talked to who was clean or in some sort of program told me that everything that I was thinking at that point, I couldn’t really count as being real because of how warped my mind was from drugs, specifically heroin. They said the longer that you’re off that shit, every single day that you’re off it you’ll start to think clearer. You’ll start to think normal; you’ll come back to the real world. You’ll realize that there is a chance that you could get back into life and maybe be as good or better than you were. That’s what it was for me, being literally locked down in a facility where I couldn’t take drugs. It took time; it took almost a year and a half of not being on dope to get back to normal. Time is what happened.

When did you realize you were funny?

AL: When I was really young. I grew up in an area that had a lot of tough kids. I realized I could get out of fights with someone who I knew could kick my ass by being funny. I can remember there was this black chick, Tanya Davis, and she was big. In the fourth grade she was big and she broke my friend Joey’s nose in a fight. Joey was a tough kid but she punched like Muhammad Ali. She came over with a right hand. I tried to break up the fight but then she wanted to fight me so I started doing a Howard Cosell impersonation, like I was the announcer of the fight or something, and I made everybody laugh. That sorta freaked her out a little bit and she didn’t know what to do, so she didn’t break my nose. That’s when I first learned I was funny.

As a stand-up comedian you're essentially talking to yourself on stage. You have audience reaction but there is no conversation really, at least hopefully not, unless someone is heckling you. As a radio personality it's all about having an interesting or funny conversation. Which do you prefer?

AL: That’s a hard question, radio or stand-up. I love stand-up comedy but when stand-up comedy goes well—and by that I mean not just killing. I’m talking about when you’re killing the material that you actually like and respect and it’s not just something you know people will laugh at so you can get out of there and get a check. When that’s happening, it’s fantastic. But you know, I never really did radio until I sat in on Howard (Stern’s) show. I’ll never forget what Howard said to me after that first show. I knew I did really well because everyone was laughing, and Howard looked at me and said “it’s fun, isn’t it?” and I said “my God, yeah.” Just sitting in front of that microphone and just goofing around and it’s going out to all of these people live. It’s amazing. I got to learn how to do this radio stuff by literally sitting four feet from the best guy who has ever done it for nine years. Talk about a training school for radio. I would see the way he would handle callers or guests, and I’d see the way he’d change and what he would do. There is nothing about radio that I don’t like. If I could only do one thing for the rest of my life, it would be a radio show.

Is radio more spontaneous?

AL: Oh God yeah. Absolutely. Stand-up is supposed to seem spontaneous, but normally it’s an act you’ve been doing forever on stage. It’s a comic’s job to make it seem like he’s thinking of all of this stuff off the top of his head. Even heckler responses are something you’ve done a million times. But radio is. It has to be spontaneous.

Tell me about one of your favorite moments on the Nick and Artie show.

AL: A woman called up, it was probably a woman doing a character because nobody could be this crazy, or maybe she was just crazy, who knows. But she said that if you kill and boil a cat, and eat its bones you would become invisible.

Was she a witch?

AL: She claimed to be a witch, yeah. She had a really funny voice, I think her name was Jen and she was from Naples, Florida. She kept saying that she was stalking me and she wanted to kill me.

When you talk to someone like that are you thinking like “Yes, this is the caller I’ve been waiting for” or are you just a little freaked out?

AL: No, with this person I wasn’t freaked out at all. I could tell she was either too crazy to pull it off or it was a joke. She had a real entertaining voice and I wanted to bang her by the end. But anyways, I tell her that I want to try the cat thing and Nick makes a really funny cat sound—he can make a sound almost like you’re choking a cat. So he started doing it into the mic and she started almost having an orgasm and she’s screaming “kill that thing, kill that thing!” That’s the hardest I’ve ever laughed.

You appeared on Louie this month as a Chemical Truck Driver. I see a very, very subtly ironic message there, you being a Chemical Truck Driver. How was it working with Louie CK?

AL: I’ve known Louie for a long, long time, from the comedy scene or whatever you want to call it. He would always tell me he wanted to do something with me on the show, and I would always tell him that I’d love to do the show. He called me probably about 12 hours before he wanted to shoot the thing and told me “Tomorrow I’ve got this thing you can do, it’s a small thing but I think it’ll be funny. Would you want to do it on the show?” and I said “Heck yeah, whatever you need.” So he gave me his address in the East Village—it’s funny because we didn’t go through an agent or anything, he just called me on the phone—so I stopped by and he told me what to do and it was hilarious. Louie has the perfect combination to become successful. First of all he’s brilliant, second of all he’s really funny, and third of all he does everything. He’s got a work ethic like a Mexican who comes here illegally and wants to stay here. I’ve never seen anything like it. He holds the camera, he directs the stuff, he writes it, and then he acts in it. I’m going “My god I just don’t have the energy.” It was impressive to see a buddy of mine doing all of that. He’s a true sort of auteur, and he’s got a deal with FX—what they call the “Woody Allen” deal—where he just tells them; “look, give me money for a season of shows and you can’t give me any notes, no one from FX can come from the set, and at the end of the year I’ll give you 13 episodes and you can’t change anything.” That’s impressive to see. I’m very, very happy for him.

I have some friends who won't watch Louie because they say it's too depressing, which is funny because it's a comedy show...

AL: [Interrupts] Well it is and it isn’t. I understand where they’re coming from but I mean look, those friends sound like pussies. They gotta man up and just watch it. Here is how I describe a Louie episode: It’s like an Edgar Allen Poe short story. Louie is great because he knows how people behave. Even in a Woody Allen movie you’re going to get unbelievably funny stuff or you’re going to get depressed because he’s a realist. This is how people act. People act in ways that are very, very disappointing most of the time. Louie keeps it real like that in every episode and also gets hilarious comedy out of the way people really act. The episodes have both, so I don’t think you can call it a comedy show. It’s just its own thing. If you read Edgar Allen Poe, some of the stuff is so dark it’s funny, but ultimately it’s depressing. That’s what I think it’s like. If those buddies of yours appreciate art it’s a chance to actually see it happening on TV. They’re not going to see it on Two and a Half Men.

I feel like you kind of walk that same line, taking something that is very depressing and working it into your comedy. Is that a tough thing to do?

AL: Yeah, sort of. I’ve dated girls who have told me that when they watch my act and I’m telling a story about, you know, shitting my pants on heroin or drunk driving—and even though everybody laughs—they wish that I could do something more like Jerry Seinfeld. For the people that love me it could be depressing to hear because maybe they were there the night that that happened and it was anything but funny. It’s like being in the psyche ward. I have jokes in my act about being in rehab and being in a psyche ward. I do an impression of a counselor I had in rehab in Miami. While it was happening it was anything but funny, but people laugh at it during my set and the people that are close to me are thinking “well shit, I wish it was that funny when it was happening.” It depresses them but I’d rather tell my tale in a funny way and maybe people will get something out of it.

Looking at the way your life has gone, it seems like there is nothing you could do but be a comedian.

AL: [Laughs] I’m not going to be on the police force. Now a days, with background checks—you’re right man—with my background, forget it. I can’t even vote for Christ’s sake. You’re right when I think about it. I better make this work.

Tell me about the best thing you've ever done in your life, and the worst thing you've ever done.

AL: Well the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life was stabbing myself in the stomach that morning because I knew that the only two people who could have found me were my mother and sister. I wasn’t thinking like that, I wasn’t rational, but in the back of my head I had to know that. They did find me and I’ll never get over that guilt. Thank god they seem better and everything seems fine but the guilt of that will never fully leave my body, so that’s a no brainer. The best thing I’ve ever done I think was going to do stand-up in Afghanistan for those guys. I always said I wanted to do it and my agent kind of called my bluff and told me there was an opportunity to do that. I said to myself “Wow, I can’t pussy out here. I gotta do this.” I realized I was going into a war zone and my mother was worried but I was with Marines and everything. Guys would come back from missions doing God-knows-what, and they’d sit down in all of their gear, in that heat, and they would just be like “Ok make me laugh, dance like a monkey or something.” I would have done anything at that point, dance around like a monkey or whatever. How grateful they were. So if I had to pick one thing, it would probably be that and I would do it again if I could. I just hope we get all of those guys the fuck out of there soon.

Can you tell me a little bit about your new book, Crash and Burn?

AL: It picks up where Too Fat To Fish left off. It’s about what happened to me. My stand-up act has a quick snippet, a comedic version, of some of the stuff that happened. Crash and Burn is what happened in long form: What I was going through and the darker side of the rehab and the psyche ward, and what was going through my head the morning I stabbed myself. What I was thinking afterwards. What it was like waking up after that. It’s got a lot of comedy in it that comes from that, but it’s the real, full story, which has a lot of darkness in it. The title comes from when I was working at a port as a longshoreman. I was deciding whether or not I should quit the port and become a comedian. I was sitting at the bar with my buddy’s older brother, Chucky, and he goes “fuck it man, go for the good life. If you got talent just go do it. If you crash and burn at least you tried. You’ll feel better if you crash and burn than if you never tried.” So every time I’d see him after that he’d shout “crash and burn!”

[pitubea1910]

Earned it

Pairing: Oliver Queen x Reader

Featuring: -

Words: 1469

Warning: SEASON 6 SPOILER SO BE CAREFUL IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET! Plus, fluff ;)

Tags: -

Request: requested by anonymous:

“Hey! I was going to ask if you could do a Oliver Queen imagine based on the song "Earned it" by The WEEKND? It can be anything fluffy! Thanks so much xx”

Notes: as always, this request have taken me ages but I hope you like it!

MASTERLIST 

You had never been a fan of fundraisers. Yes, you thought their causes were worthy but you didn’t like the ambient of hipocresy during those kind of parties, where people just gathered up to show the rest of the city how wealthy they were and how nice they were for donating. Next day they wouldn’t even remember and would throw to the back of the closet their 2000$ tux or dress because it had already been used once. And God forgave them from using the same clothes twice.

But Oliver had asked you to come and how could you say no to him after everything he had done for you? He had saved your life too many times, metaphorically and literally speaking. He was a hero, not only to the city as a mayor but also for you as the Green Arrow.  

So there you were, wearing a simple but nice blue dress and high heels that were killing you as you looked around the place trying to find the man who had made you come here in the first place. Being the Mayor, you assumed he was going to be busy but he had promised not to leave you alone so where the hell was he?

You make it look like it’s magic,

Cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you,

I’m never confused

Hey, hey

I’m so used to bein’ used.

When Oliver finally spotted you on the other side of the room he could no longer keep his off you. Every time he looked at you, it was like magic. Those emotions you made him feel were like nothing he had ever felt before. It was only you in a crowded space. He started making his way towards you, ignoring the people that was trying to stop him and talk to him about things he didn’t want to talk about at the moment. Not when you were waiting for him, not when you were there even though he knew you hated this places.

“You came” he said behind you.

So I love when you call unexpected,

Cause I hate when the moment’s expected

So I’mma care for you, you, you

I’mma care for you, you, you, you, yeah

You turned around at the sound of his voice and smiled widely as your eyes saw his bright smile. He was there. Even when you thought he would actually leave you alone for the night, attending his Mayor’s business, there he was. As promised.

“I told you I would come, right?” You shrugged.

“You hate these things so I thought you would bail on me” he admitted.

“I’d never bail on you, Oliver” you told him with a serious face this time. He smiled a little and took a step forward, placing a kiss on your cheek.

“I’m glad you’re here” he said.

Cause girl, you’re perfect

You’re always worth it

And you deserve it

The way you work it

Cause girl, you earned it, yeah

Girl, you earned it, yeah

You smiled widely at his statement, trying to ignore those stupid butterflies that always appeared on your stomach every time he looked at you like that. Like you were the only person in the room, like you were everything to him, like you were perfect to him.

“I think you deserve a drink just for coming” he said offering his arm for you to take it.

“And now we’re speaking Mr Mayor” you said entwining your arm with his.

He laughed and started walking towards the bar while he told you all the little gossip he knew about the people you were seeing. Some of them were too scandalous to be true but you bet they were. Every single one of them.

“You really are informed” you told him with a smile when you finally had a champagne glass on your hand.

“It’s my job” he shrugged.

“As Mayor or…the other guy?” You smirked. He laughed and looked at his feet for a moment.

“Both” he finally replied.

You know our love would be tragic

So you don’t pay it, don’t pay it no mind, mind, mind

We live with no lies

Hey, hey

You’re my favourite kind of night

You two looked at each other, smiling at each other, not being to look away. You gad try so many times to give your story a chance but it had always turned out how it wasn’t supposed to be. Tragic. Always some super villain would end up taking you to get to him, you would be too stressed about his security to keep on going with the relationship. Every single type of situation that had led you to an endless private game: smiles, looks, light touches but never enough.

On that lonely night

We said it wouldn’t be love

But we felt the rush

It made us believe it was only us

Convinced we were broken inside, yeah, inside, yeah

“Do you want to dance?” Oliver finally asked, placing his glass down on the bar. You looked at the dance floor where some people were swinging from side to side and back at him.

“Actually I do” you smiled.

He smiled back and took your hand, leading you to the centre of the dance floor and spinning you around once, before pulling you into his arms. You placed both of your hands around his neck as his found its familiar way around your hips, to your back. Immediately, you started swinging side to side.

“It had been a long time since we did this” he said as he tried to remember the last time you two had been like this.

“I think it was last John’s birthday” you commented.

“Oh yeah…that night” he chuckled as he remembered the events that had led him to your bed.

“It was a great night” you said.

“Indeed” he admitted as he nodded and looked down at your lips, feeling the same old urge to kiss you as he used to do.

“You know… I have to admit I was surprised when you invited me” you told him.

“Why?” he asked with a frown. You shrugged and looked away for a moment.

“We said it wouldn’t happen again, remember?” You asked. Oliver sighed and nodded.

“How can I forget that?” He mumbled almost to himself. “Yet, here you are”

“Here I am…” you nodded. “It looks like I can’t get away from you, huh?” Oliver smiled widely at your words.

“I won’t complain about that” he replied before spinning you around and pulling back to him. “Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you”

“Of course you do” she sighed looking away again. There was always some secret agenda with him. “What is it?”

“I… I’m ready” he said. You frowned confused, not knowing what he was talking about. “For this. For us. I want another chance. Another try. The last one but I need it” he said.

“Oliver, we’ve been through this three times already. I can’t manage something like that again” you sighed.

“This time will be different” he said, almost begging you to accept him.

“What will make it any different?” You asked crossing your arms.

“I’m no longer the Green Arrow” he confessed, making you stop your slow moves.

“What?” you asked in shock. It was something he loved, something he wouldn’t just give up like that.

“With the FBI on my back, my son…I can’t just risk not coming home to him anymore” he shrugged.

“But the Arrow is still out there” you frowned confused, knowing you had seen him on the news in the last few weeks.

“It’s John” he told you, surprising you once again, leaving you speechless. “We can have a normal relationship for once” he said. You laughed at that. “What?”

“There’s no normal relationship with Oliver Queen” you replied with a smile. “I wouldn’t love you so much if it was some other way”

Oliver smiled widely, feeling a small flame of hope lighting up in his chest at the thought of you saying yes once again. A third time. Hopefully, the last one, the decisive one.

“Is that a yes?” He asked.

“Is my way of saying that we’re going to enjoy this lame party for another hour and then we will leave so you can tell me what the hell is going on with the FBI and then… I’ll say yes” you said.

Oliver’s eyes lighted up with your words, not really believing your words but when you pulled him down by his neck, crashing your lips against his, the whole world stopped to make sense all over again. He pulled you even closer, kissing you back, feeling complete for the first time in a long time. You two deserved this chance, you two had earned it.

[mythological-survivor-no-mikoto]

Episode 1.1 - This Game is Rigged Against People Who Can’t Read - Vi

The two tribes, Awashima and Hiroku were pitted against each other in a game of Hostile Harai. After a relatively close battle, Hiroku pulled ahead and won a 10% challenge multiplier in the next immunity challenge.

At the immunity challenge, the tribes battle each other in a game of Semantris that led to victory for Hiroku, beating the other tribe even without the score multiplier needed.

At Hiroku, the winning tribe, they celebrated their win and continued to form relationships, though no alliances had yet formed. Emma ventured into the expeditions and found the Awashima hidden immunity idol and was given the option between leaving the idol in place or gifting it to a member of Awashima. Emma opted to gift the idol to Adam with the note: “Can’t wait for merge! (heart) PH.”

At Awashima, bonds began to form and take control of the vote. Katie, Rachael, Rodrigo and Josh in particular began to formulate a plan to vote out Lauren for being the most inactive member of the tribe. Lauren had other plans, wanting to target Adam for similar reasons. After some discussion of idols with Rodrigo, Katie and Rachael opted to vote for Adam as well. At tribal council, Lauren was voted out 7-3 against Adam, who kept his immunity idol in his pocket.

PART 1

“im either first boot or i win no in between”

“Omfg VI IS PLAYING I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOML. Also nikias has such a cool energy”

“All of my chats so far are with the men, I think I’m too intimidated by the pretty girls??”

“Fuuuuuck Katie is playing?!?!?! 😭😭😭😭 SHES TOO GOOD SHE GOTTA GO”

“Minding my own business and praying these people never witnessed Svalbard🙃”

“When you rejected Katie for prom and she comes for you in your DMs”

“Katie is gr8. Josh is gr8. Really just vibing tbh”

“I'm so glad that on my tribe I already have previous good relationships with Regan, Katie, and Vi. Marc is pretty great too. I feel good so far woooo. also prayer circle for Olivia I hope I get to see her in a tribe swap or something”

After receiving a bonus in the immunity challenge: “guys look at me win!”

“im going to see if i can trick jay into thinking i want to work with him till f2”

“whyyyy am I so awkward hahahahaha ha ah ha abaaghhhhhhhhh”

“this game is rigged against people who can’t read. Someone save me”

Olivia goes on an expedition to Mt. Ishizuchi, where she must climb 100 steps to reach the top. After 15 minutes she completes the task that reveals no reward with this to say:

“Are you fuckin kidding me 🤬 Wtf guys 😐😑”

“I legit message every single person on this tribe and i tried to communicate with them, however nobody messaged me first which makes me low key a little paranoid. Is it the fact that i am too excited to get to know every one? or could it be that some people feeling comfortable alliance? we shall see, at thee moment i don't really believe there is one or if it is there would be of players that have play together before, but i haven't notice any one who would know someone else in my tribe. At the moment, i have 0 game talks i am trying to talk to people but i don't wanna approach people and make them feel that i am playing too hard too fast so i just wanna get to the first steps of getting to know them and then build of an alliance. I feel like the people that i would like to bring in a potential alliance at the moment would be Olivia, Abby, Zach (so hot btw) and there are people that i wanna work with based on interviews ( Cori and Ally) but they haven't give me anything yet too to make them feel that i could work with them, idk i don't really enjoy being the only one who is asking questions and try to lead a convo and that's why at the moment i haven't be able to see if i could potential work with them. My biggest concern mark is Constance, i enjoy talking with him and he seems like a gamer and i would like to work with a gamer but there is something in me that feels that he could make a move later on very unexpectenly”

“Ok so I’m doing well with aly, nikias, em, and corinda. Abrielle too but I’m more wary of her bc of her Svalbard connections. Hopefully I can make a ladies alliance happen within the next couple of days naturally. Odd and Sam aren’t giving me anything and Constance is a wildcard bc I know his history”

“Also I forgot to say I also know jay from the other tribe I hosted an org that he won : o. Him and Vi were close so I imagine they’ll be paired up by now. So that either gives me an opportunity to join them as a third wheel or it could take away vi as my potential closest ally. Vi played my first ever org with me :’)”

Abrielle went to Mt. Tsurumi in Kyushu where she received the voting coin for boiling water 

Olivia goes on another expedition to the Kojima Shrine. She luckily went during low tide, and was able to claim the Protective Crystal which blocks the next vote cast against her. “Oh fuck yeah”

“forgot about the great soybean massacre of 1586″

“So far I feel as though I’ve made some decent connections on this tribe even if they are minimal. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know so many fresh faces but depending on how we do in this challenge, connections unfortunately can not overlook performance as a tribe unless you work it to a certain degree. I do hope that several of my tribe members can help us pull the win for this challenge because I am not doing so hot!”

“The only concerns I have on my tribe are Em and Olivia because they know me from Tumblr and didn’t really like me all that much but I won’t say anything and just let life work it’s course. If I don’t delve into the past and let it linger it’ll only fall into their blame if they use that as their leverage if they target me later down the line. My main goal is to ultimately create friendships in this game and even if they decide to speak with me (Em hasn’t) that’s all that truly matters to me. Because ultimately, I don’t dislike anyone regardless of what anyone says. 💘”

“Honestly having immunity is really important, we get a taste of the twist be with zero affection towards us and it could allow us to be more prepare in the a future tribal council. Also you need time in this game and especially at the beginning, i am hoping for the win at the moment.”

“Here u can start seeing Rodrigo in his natural habitat: Forming relationships, talking to people. This is what Rodrigos gameplay is about. He creates relationships strong enough quickly to be able to slip by. Now Rodrigo plans, this season, to take his game one step further and actually transition from a social game only to a strategic game too. Is it too early to rock the boat? We shall see next time in... MYTHOLOGICAL SURVIVOR NO MIKOTO!!! also I find it really funny that I already told like what 5 people I have their back: Josh, Rach, Vi, Katie, Marc. tobe honest this 5 are kind of an ideal 5 for me to align with but with Marc wanting to bring Jay and Reegan idk tbh but the way things are looking it may come down to Adam or Lauren but tribal is only on Monday so theres a lot to play out. Well something else I do feel kinda bad throwing Adam udner the bus to Katie and it really has nothing to do with our past history its just how the convo developed that led to me saying tha”

After being exiled Rodrigo sent this: 

“I don't like who i'm with. I want to be carried but with almost all new people to me, I gotta try”

Olivia goes on an expedition to the Sado light house, rewarding her with a 3 hour exile from her tribe. Her tribe is not notified of why she was removed from the chat, prompting speculation about what happened. 

“captain’s log #49. Fred the squirrel has crafted a boat and left the lighthouse sooner than I. I feel defeat creeping over me. I’ve been here for 10 minutes and I’ve tried every which way to let my tribe know I didn’t desert them, IM NOT A TRAITOR. I even changed my pfp in the hopes someone would catch on. Guess we shall see. IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE”

“Catch me taking down notes on who sweetly tried to contact me. That’s who imma vibe with in this game. Constance, nikias, corinda, Abby :]”

Emma took an expedition to Honshu where she completed a challenge to find the Awashima hidden immunity idol. 

Chose to gift the idol to Adam with the note: “Can’t wait for merge (heart)! PH.”

“I JUST REALIZE I CANT BRING OLIVIA INTO MY CHAT AS A GUEST. Life sucks”

After being given the idol by Emma, his only response was: 

 “PH hmm”

“also heres a thought. I'd LOVE to get rid of like Reegan next if we go to tribal but the thing is the following: with us voting Lauren this vote I kinda need to play it up for the public. I dont want people thinking I am a meninist. Because I am not. so if Lauren does go this round. I think a MAN will need to suffer the consequences. Its what they deserve to be honest. Peace.”

“Going great! I got a little advantage and we’re immune. I think im making good connections? I’m trying not to be too much like I usually am like I’m holding back”

Olivia went on another expedition to Lake Kamo on Sado where she broke a fishermans oyster trap, resulting in her being exiled from her tribe until she had collected four buckets of oysters. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. IM GONNA KERMIT WHAT THE FUCK. I’m literally crying whyyyy. expeditions are the worst fucking thing I’m gonna Kermit IM GONNA KERMIT. CAPTAINS LOG #926 I AM ONCE AGAIN EXILED AND SOBBING AS I HAVE TO FUCKING COUNT OYSTERS WHAT IS THIS CRUEL WORLD WHAT THE FUCK WHY ME”

After almost 40 minutes, Olivia completed the task and was allowed back to her tribe. 

“I don’t even get a reward for all that 😭 I’m just sad now”

“I have really been trying to up my social game more than any other game I have been involved in. It may seem like a little too much, but at the same time, I really want to emphasize what I said I would do and that is make genuine friendships with people and do what I can in order to move myself forward in this game. Even if it may cost me my opportunity to win, I at least know that I went out of this game knowing I created a connection with each and every person in someway. 

With that said, I think that the idol searching mechanic shows how hard someone is trying to find something because it ultimately catches everyone’s attention if you get something negative like being exiled from your tribe or whatnot.

I’m not quite sure what this game has in store for me and I don’t expect to accomplish much when it comes to challenges so I hope to bring my socially adaptable techniques into my strategy for the long haul.”

[kylewritesaboutthings]

2016 Shaky Knees - Day 2

Oh, Jameson…my friend, my lover, my enemy, and my undoing. It’s the second day of the Shaky Knees festival and I apparently learned absolutely nothing the previous day. George Santayana once said “those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.” To George I say fuck you. The southern sun is shining, the spring birds are singing, and all I want is for Atlanta to sink into the sea and end my suffering…set me adrift like a slightly (very slightly) more put together Tom Hanks in Castaway with a scratchy throw pillow as my Wilson. But as the chances of a catastrophic seismic event striking the east coast at that very moment were slim to none, I had to settle for the next best thing, a burrito roughly the size of a Pomeranian stuffed with the majority of extra toppings available at Bell Street Burrito.

Words cannot accurately describe the range of emotions I went through when it was set in front of me 10 minutes, or roughly 70 hangover minutes (they work like dog years), after ordering. I could laugh, I could cry, I could curl up and admit defeat to the tortilla wrapped monstrosity in front of me, I could bask in its glory and finally understand why ‘The World is A Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die’ is a band name. But instead all I could do is tear into it with a series of animalistic grunts and groans that most likely frightened the young family sitting behind us. But like all good things, my burrito fell apart. Built with the structural integrity of the Verrazano-Narrows bridge (look it up) I was left to limply pick at the wreckage with a plastic fork, the world greying around me and the knowledge of my own mortality sinking in. Alas, nothing gold can stay.

Why had I placed so much hope in the salvation provided via burrito? Well aside from the usual hangover symptoms, I was set to conduct my first artist interview in almost a decade in the coming hours. Unlike my previous experiences, this was not at a sparsely filled club or in the basement radio station of my alma mater, but in an official “press” capacity in the “press lounge”, whatever that would be. I imagined it to be an air conditioned oasis of a tent, plopped in the middle of the grounds, filled with people not unlike myself sipping on beers courtesy of sponsoring Dos Equis, conversing about the days acts and whatever #buzzbands were releasing new material in the coming weeks. After once again pinballing my way from half-knowledgeable security guard to half-knowledgeable security guard until I ended up walking into the sterile lobby of the Atlanta Chamber of Commerce that was acting as the festivals official press headquarters, like some Army annexed base of operations in a foreign conflict nobody bothered to hear about.

The “press lounge” itself was not a hive of flannelled, 20-something music nerds enjoying the perks of their positions and mingling about, but an uncomfortably quiet space of parent-aged career journalists quietly discussing the next stops on the festival circuit and what bands management companies were trying to sell them on for coverage opportunities, while a handful of area collegiate journalists huddled together for protection against the heard. I found myself a chair near the back corner of the room, pulling out a chair with the scrapping screech that is the clichéd nightmare of any quiet room. Oh well. I pulled out my palm sized notebook and reviewed my interview questions, sipping on a Red Bull just liberated from the promised ‘free water’ coolers promised to the press junket. “This will help,” I thought as I pretended not to be aware of two ‘official’ journalists whispering back and forth not very covertly about who the hell I was and how the hell I got there. Too old to be in college, too underdressed to have this be my profession. They weren’t wrong, but you don’t have to be a dick about it. But then again, isn’t that the point of most music journalism? To be a dick about people’s passions?

My interview was scheduled at 2:15, the time was now 2:30 and my interviewee, Casey Crescenzo of the Dear Hunter, was running late. Not that I was in any kind of a hurry, aside from getting out of the press area as soon as I fucking could and back into anonymity of a festival crowd and away from my press colleagues. It was the same anxiety you get when going into a job interview, but one you feel completely unprepared for. Just as I was wondering if I was going to be stood up, I got a profusely apologetic call saying had received some bad info from their management team and was just now able to get a hold of me. Shit happens! This is rock and roll, after all, and I was just happy to have a purpose again, instead of just checking and rechecking my prepared notes. Unfortuantely though, the Red Bull was not at all helping. Instead of giving me a little kick back to life, it was a catalyst for my jitters and amplifying what was left of my hangover. With 20 minutes to kill before their arrival, I decided to wander out for a quick beer, a little hair of the dog, to hopefully counteract the caffeine and level out. This plan was quickly foiled thanks to a shaky port-a-potty shelf and shortly after purchase; I literally flushed $8 down the toilet. 

After killing some more awkward time in the press area, Casey and Dave walked in, both with the same scan of “I what I’m here to do, but I don’t know who with” look I gave the room about an hour before. Luckily I had the advantage of seeing them play before and walked over and introduced myself. Casey went off for a quick interview with one of the collegiate journalists while me and Dave hung out in the much more relaxed lobby area and talked about the logistics of being on the artist side of festival performances. The reason for the delay was the insistence of the PA assigned to the band that they would give them a ride to the grounds, to which they lamented the fact they could have just walked the few blocks from their #sponsor hotel. This was peppered with a few more apologies for being late, which were completely unnecessary but did ease any remaining nerves I had for the interview.

While I’m not one to get nervous around people for their respective professions, music or otherwise, I do get sometimes get nervous around those who do them very, very well. Crescenzo and the Dear Hunter are just that. A project that started during his tenure with The Receiving End of Sirens, he has put out some of the most ambitious projects I’ve seen in music over the last decade. The crux of the work being a comprehensive six part ‘Acts’ series, which began in 2006 with ‘Act I’ and saw the 2015 release of ‘Act IV’, nearly 6 years after the release of the third album in the series. What were they doing during that gap? Oh, just releasing a 9 EP ‘Color Spectrum’ series along with putting out a non-linear full length through Crescenzo’s own Cave & Canary Goods, an imprint of Equal Vision Records. Please excuse the massive musical nerd out I just had there, but I felt the need to give you a background on why I was getting butterflies about a casual conversation about festivals with someone not terribly much older than I am.

My previous experiences seeing the Dear Hunter were in venues like the Bottom Lounge in Chicago and Underbelly in Jacksonville, not huge but not tiny clubs that are staples of van/trailer tours. Like the vast majority of bands featured on this site, that is the staple of touring life. So what’s it like to go from your own venue show to the 40+ bands, multistage labyrinth that is an average day at a larger festival? “I love the opportunity to play,” said Crescenzo, “but I hate the competitive side of festivals…where it is a little anti-musical. You’re trying to convince people to see you over other bands.” In a situation so saturated with music, it can be difficult to feel like it is worth it on the audience side. “Any given attendee really wants to see maybe 4 or 5 bands,” he added. Considering the cost of a days ticket (single day tickets for Shaky Knees ran just north of $100 after fees), you’re getting, generally, abbreviated sets for each band with the risk of conflicts, noise pollution, and the torture of having to use a port-a-potty all day (yes, I’m still bitter about the lost beer). But the opportunities presented by a festival set are absolutely realized and appreciated by the Dear Hunter crew. “It blows me away that anybody chooses to watch us,” Crescenzo admitted. “It does feel good to have people who you can tell haven’t heard of you, aren’t singing a single word but are enjoying themselves.” While some bands play the same setlist as the given tour they are on before being thrust into the festival world, albeit briefly, there is consideration for that mixed audience in their set “We think about what’s recent and what we want to play, a few songs that fans will want to hear, and what people who don’t know us might like, what might catch their interest.”

Just as the festival experience is an unusual experience for fans, it’s just as unusual for those who exist in the heart of the lineup. “I feel way to taken care of at a festival, it’s not what I’m used to…people always checking ‘are you okay? How are you doing?’…You don’t have to impact your life for my quality of living. I’m not complaining but I want to ask them how they’re doing or see if they need anything,” he says. “But that’s not really the way that it works and I don’t have any pull if they wanted anything,” Crescenzo adds with a chuckle. “It’s stepping into a mini dream for a moment…but the brick wall of reality hits the day you leave. It’ll hit the second we leave. It’ll be tonight when we get to a TA or a Loves gas station and it’s ‘so…sun chips and chili dog’s again for dinner tonight?” 

What I really took away from sitting down with Casey is that the festival spot is a mixed bag for bands. While on one hand it’s incredible exposure, building of name recognition, and a chance to play for a new audience you also are thrown into a world of logistics foreign to the club circuit, fighting (whether you want to or not) to attract an audience amidst a variety of acts and options, then trying to do right by both those who’s radar you were already on as well as appealing to first time listeners. Add in an afternoon set time and an aftershow, the equivalent on working a closing shift right into a double the next day, and you’ve got a lot of work going into a single day. Respect given where deserved, because while I walked out of the interview to redeem my fallen tallboy, Crescenzo was on his way to the Boulevard stage for The Dear Hunter’s 4:15 set.

Still jittery from a combination of nerves, trailing hangover, and Red Bull jitters I sought out tofind my wandering comrades hanging about the Piedmont/Boulevard stage lot. Continuing with the job interview metaphor, I was grilling myself the entire walk. Did I ask the right questions? Was it obvious I lost a fight to a burrito earlier today? Was my voice recorder actually working? Spotting the familiar Chicago flag tattoo of my traveling partner Danny, I walked up hoping to shake it off before…too fucking late. I was blasted square in the face with a squirt gun by part of their group. Stopped dead in my tracks, ice cold water dripping from my face, every single anxiety I had melted away as I opened my arms and embraced the firing squad. It was one of those glorious moments when you get ripped out of your own cyclical anxiety bullshit and realize that you have a day of music ahead of you and by some stroke of luck you get to do this as a writer. Highs were fived, beers were finished, and we took the short stroll to catch Casey and The Dear Hunter do the damn thing.

Opening with ‘The Old Haunt’ from the recent ‘Act IV’ release, they wasted no time introducing the audience to their progy, layered, and orchestral tinged sound. Running through a mix of tracks from Act IV and Migrant, it was apparent the band put definite thought into their setlist…balancing the drive of songs like ‘Waves’ with the dancy, pop feel of ‘King of Swords (Reversed)’. Working with roughly half of their usual set time, there wasn’t much banter coming from the stage. “Thank you for choosing to see us, above other acts or even just eating fried dough in the shade” was the only real interlude between songs, save for the ending footnote reminding everyone that it was indeed The Dear Hunter who you just saw belt out a well thought, earnest, and god damn entertaining late afternoon performance. Good form, boys. Good form.

With some time to kill before living every dad’s (and Patrick Bateman’s) dream and seeing Huey Lewis and the News play ‘Sports’ all the way through, we decided to wander over to the food truck village for something to snack on, as there was a long day of music and night of aftershows ahead. As expected, there were the longest lines at the culinary staples of outdoor day drinking; at least 30 people deep for cheeseburgers, tacos, and pizza slices. But I wasn’t there to dine on foods that I know I can get cheaper and better back in Chicago. It might be because I’m a sucker for all things spicy (I mean, I run a hot sauce company) or because I like to play chicken with festival bathrooms, but I headed straight for the shortest line, the creole truck. This is the harshest opinion I will share within these articles: if you go to the south and do not eat at least one meal of creole or Cajun food, you are a straight fuck up.

With a bowl of crawfish ettouffee in hand, we settled down next to one of the shade covered fountain ponds that Centennial had to offered and took some #metime to wet our feet and get some quality RnR before soldiering through the remainder of the evening. Aside from a brief exchange with one of Atlanta’s finest about whether or not my feet were actually in the water, they were, it was the most relaxed I’ve ever felt at a music festival. Another trip to the bar tents had me realizing that the Shaky Knees bartending staff are second to only Fest in terms of friendliness, which is impressive considering some of the mass appeal/douchebag enticing acts that headline major festivals. Of the three types of people I disdain the most, there were two very much in attendance during the weekend: southern bros and hula hoopers (missing: crust punks). A+ to them for holding tight to that southern hospitality…and A++ for the heavy shot pours.

We were now loaded up and ready to get all 1980’s with Huey Lewis. Wandering through the crowd, I wasn’t sure what I would like more; the set itself or those in attendance. The answer was resoundingly in favor of people watching, as every single dad in the greater Atlanta area absolutely called up the babysitter, told it was going to be a late night, and raided their liquor cabinet before ubering to the festival. Holy hell. The stumbling dances, the reminiscing on who they were banging to this album, the whispered conversations about how they wish they still knew someone for cocaine. It was all I could hope for and more. After running through ‘Sports’, Huey and the gang dropped some new material on the crowd. I didn’t hear the title of the song, but my best guess is ‘We all peaked in the 80’s, had kids, got old, and spend most of our time listening to Randy Newman’. It was cheesy on a level that would make Kenny Rodgers blush. It was cliché on a level that made me question where or not Huey Lewis was either an aging rock star or the most advanced person on the planet. Jury is still out.

Focusing on our goal of hitting world famous Elmyr before catching the Explosions in the Sky aftershow, we left the grounds early in favor of cheaper beer, whiskey, and Mexican food. Between the unnecessary whiskey shots (some lessons I will never learn), overkill beers, and an overpacked tinny or two outside the venue the rest of the night was a blur of post rock builds and screaming guitars. The last thing I remember is trying to make a package of frozen mac andcheese back at our Airbnb after realizing we didn’t have a microwave. I think it went well. I was not the General Sherman of Stouffers and Atlanta did not burn to the ground that evening. Hopefully it would be enough to pull me together to wake up in 4 hours to catch Julien Baker’s 12pm opening set the following day.

Will I make Julien Baker’s set? What kind of crying will I start my day with, happysad or sadsad? Will the festival bathrooms finally claim their victory? Tune in to part 3 to find the answers to all these gripping questions and more!

[tumblunni]

Hi, I'm the anon who sent the messages about Rotom-Cyrus to TWJ. I wanted to explain myself. There are two books in Rotom's Room: one written by Charon where he says he found out about Rotom "by pure chance." So Charon is involved with Rotom (prob why he has that card) but he isn't the one who met Rotom as a kid. I don't want to spoil exactly what happens in USUM incase you haven't reached that part but it does basically confirm Cyrus is the one who wrote that account.

aaaa that suuuuuckscos literally its fuckin a book signed by charon how was i meant to know that oh the other book right next to it isnt by charon alsoand the trading card has no meaning whatsoeverand we’re just giving more sad backstory to a guy who already had a sad backstory and nope charon has no backstory whatsoever and was just super evil and everyone was right for all these years telling me i’m a jerk for liking this characterand right when basically the same thing just happened with faba seriouslyharmless comedic villain in sun and moon, is shown apparantly redeemed in the postgame, but NOPE now its retconned and he was The Most Evil One and something something lusamine isn’t bad anymore and everything she ever did is now being done by faba in the animecos hey yknow thats what i get for giving the benefit of the doubt to ~ugly people~seriously fuckin everyone hated faba right from when he was first revealed, you had people predicting his ENTIRE PLOT based on just one picture of him and his name and no information whatsoever on his personality. we all just fucking knew what was going to happen because he’s a science man with an ‘ugly’ face and he’s ~flambouyant~and then charon fuckin literally existed to be the ~worse man~ who was added to make cyrus more redeemablethats how he was treated in both mangas. he was made more evil just so cyrus could be redeemed, which was POINTLESS because we all already believed he could be redeemed! and fuck we even all already thought he had cute moments with his pokemon as a kid, geez! there’s a hundred fanarts of that same scenario but with murkrow or zubat or magikarp or houndour or sneasel...just fuckin the pokespe manga wrote a personalityless charon who murdered a child and was outright shown not being friends with rotom and actually hating rotom and getting his ass kicked by rotomand then in DPA we get not only More Evil Charon Who Kills People but also he’s drawn really stupidly over the top scary while everyone else is big eyed shoujo dorks. and our protagonist believes that everyone is redeemable except charon. lets show cyrus committing far more evil acts than charon ever did in the game, lets show him being ooc as fuck and talking about murdering pokemon while surrounded by graves. but THAT IS OKAY and our hero will insist on saying he’s redeemable but NOOOPE charon just fuckin steals some money and has an ugly grandpa face and he gets no such sympathy. he just exists to make you forget that moment of cyrus being ooc double evil. cos we literally retconned that charon was responsible for all cyrus’s evil acts last arc, even though he wasnt even in the fuckin story yetand like now my only damn consolation here is that the character i connected with when i first played the game is AT LEAST NOT THAT EVIL. but all the potential signs of headcanoning him as not evil were all false and i just should have known it. and apparantly its a better and more worthwhile plot to just give sad childhood man another pokemon he knew in his sad childhood, and the thing i thought was Really Cool And Interesting Writing didn’t actually exist. like seriously i was fuckin literally suffering from the same abusive childhood cyrus has in his backstory back when i played dppt and i DO NOT KNOW WHY but i ended up connecting with this stupid grandpa more than him and it saved me in a dark time more than him. back then i was a stupid fuck and i hated cyrus cos i saw myself in him, like i didnt want to admit that i was in an abusive family and i wanted to hate him for daring to want to take revenge against the world that fucked him over. i felt he didnt have the right, like I didnt have the right..so yeah i didnt even fully realise cyrus’s backstory until i replayed the game as an adult, but the one thing that did hit me back then was how unexpected and cool it was to turn our opinion of this jerk grandpa on its head. like i mean whoa! i didnt hate him like everyone else did, i found him pretty funny, but still i wasnt a big fan or anything until i saw that diary entry. like charon does LITERALLY NOTHING in the plot there is no reason they should have added him in a third version, he has no reason to exist unless he was meant to be the guy who introduces rotom’s new forms also added in the game. and it was such a mind blown moment! it doesnt even make him less evil! like “whoa this evil guy used to be a good kid once” could still work even if it WASNT a sign of him having potential redeemability, like it makes him so much more personally evil and horrible if he abandoned his best friend or something. I was so dissappointed you don’t get a boss battle with him, cos i went and caught that rotom and was hyped to defeat him with the pokemon he once betrayed and like there’s NONE OF THAT ANGLE if it was cyrus. it doesnt make rotom any different than any of his other pokemon that he owns right now and we know he already cares about, cos he has a crobat.and it JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSEbecause the journal SOUNDS like charon!they both talk all smart guy style but it felt more formal like how charon talksand like how charon boasts a lot, but the journal has him boasting about his friend instead. it sounds too enthusiastic to be cyrus...and like we already know where cyrus grew up as a kid and it wasnt eterna city. and he doesnt have a secret lab in galactic hq also in eterna city, like charon does. and also he’s not like friggin fifty years old so why would his childhood poke-friend be in a wrecked abandoned house if it was just ten years ago or something. and also why would they give charon this trading card where they draw the 100% evil guy having a vaguely genuine smile on his face and not looking like rotom hates him and he’s got it caged up or anything and also why would the card’s effect be all about friendship and why would they define him as The Rotom Guy and why would they even bother to give a trading card to charon if charon is a pointless character who never did anything important and had no actual relevance to this rotom wifi event except apparantly stealing a bunch of diaries from some other guy who was really responsible for it all. and why would they bother to point out that someone signed the diary if it wasnt the guy who wrote the diary, and also we are not going to sign the diary by the guy who actually wrote it. like if it was meant to be cyrus whey didnt they make it clearer?? nobody could be expected to have figured that out!also why does charon have a second rotom room in silph co in HGSS which timeline wise means he would have had it before DPPT and he’s talking about finding a rotom by chance before he ever found this diary that doesnt really belong to him. like why would he build an entire lab of form machines if he didnt own a rotom yet? how would he know enough to make them actually work for rotom if he never owned a rotom yet?why did nintendo decide to do all this if i wasnt supposed to reach the conclusion that charon had ANYTHING to do with rotom???why didnt they make it fucking clearer. why couldnt i have been saved years of clinging to this stupid ass headcanon and basing a lot of my taste in stories on the whole concept of ‘wow that was so fucking cool how they took a one dimensional looking villain and then turned it on our head with a cool reveal and made me super eager to see future stories with him’ and hey we’re not ever gonna get those and also everyone else was right and i should just give up and agree that ugly looking granddads will always be eviland why the fuck did i somehow link my self worth to such a random ass headcanon for a random ass character like seriously could someone have properly explained cyrus’s plot to me as a kid so i could have had him stop me from committing suicide instead. like seriously if they’d just made cyrus’s grandpa less hard to find and explained the plot more clearly and explained that he was the rotom kid AAAAAAAAARGHand i really didnt fucking need this, usum, right after also people started telling me that lusamine is ~really good~ and her whole child abuse plot is gone now like ha ha ha ha fucking ha lets crush bunni on two damn levelsand what is my fucking luck that this happened to happen right on the same day when i got some stupid ass anon hate and also had a horrible nightmare about my abusive fatherlike seriously dude who sent me this ask im really sorry ive had such an incoherant babbling reply to it, its just been a really bad day for me and like.. im not freaking out because of this minor headcanon being proven wrong, its just like i was already freaking out and having some random irrelevant headcanon bullshit happen right now is REALLY bad timing to push me off the edgehopefully i can calm down and come back and give a more coherant response of like.. why i headcanoned the different thing and why I’m sad its not true, even though i’m happy for you that your personal headcanon did become true instead.but like it sucks to be told ‘nope you’re not allowed to have your favourite character, his one and only personality trait was just a misconception you had’ during such a really bad timing of such an already bad daynintendo could u give us like a sassy science villain gramps who DOES have a redemption plot? or at least a plot that isnt ‘exists to be worse than the main villain’? like seriously why did it happen twice. i was happy at original sun and moon cos it felt like faba as charon but better written but then NOOOOPEjust...god...what.what sort of fuckface up in heaven decided to throw all the bad shit at me today and not at least spread it out across the rest of the week?

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 15 (Finale): “I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE” - Ali

Did that vote make me a villain? Cuz I don't think I can avoid that anymore. But did it screw my chances of winning? Did it add to my resume? Did it make sense? Who do I work with next? Do people understand that Ali is gonna win this game? Is Ali gonna win another immunity challenge? Can I get him voted off or is it smarter to get him to vote with me, because its Benj and I and we need one more. I have more questions after last night than I started, but knowing that Benj was going to vote Jones I didn't think I had much of a choice.

JONES WHEN U SEE THIS ILY IM SO SORRY :((((((

breakdown.

Seamus enjoyed seeing me suffer with maths and black rotating puzzle

Ok so Ali won immunity so cant use idol on himself so im in the F4 hehe (unless hes seriously been playing me this entire time LMAO)

My 0 votes will prob be ruined tho but oh well still a huge improvement from 20 in kili

honestly think im losing in any F3 scenario ugh im gonna be a 2 time ftc loser LOL kinda iconic tho

regardless this has been one of the most fun games ive ever played hehe

I am trying my best to stay safe this round. I think it would be crazy for them to let me make it to F4, not that I think I am gonna win, but the momentum is definitely with Ali, Tom, and Jason, and I seem like the logical vote.

With that, there are some things I would like to say about the game. I'm actually pretty proud of the way I played. I know it wasn't the most graceful, or the most honest or loyal. I votes out Alex when he really trusted me. I flopped on Jules to win my way back in with that side. I stuck by Mo, but ultimately let him go when I had no choice, and then I did the same thing but more dramatically with Jones. I helped idol out the power player Mitch, but my strongest attribute was creating tight relationships with people who always felt they need to get that extra vote, Tom, Ali, Benj, Alex, Jones, Mo. The closeness has always made me less of a target, I hope not because they think I'm not a threat, but rather because they think I might be that swing vote for them. I feel like I have largely been the only one to make real decisions in this game except for Mitch, because Benj followed whoever told him to vote what, and Tom and Jason only make decisions because they just need to target whoever targets them. Ali and I are suppose to be in a secret bond, but the only time we vote together is when I switch and vote with him (Alex and Jones). I was the flip vote with Jason on Jules. I helped make the decision to vote out Mitch. I told Ali that I think it needs to be Jason this time. If I make it through this that would be soooo freakin fun. If I don't I worked my magic to try to get the target off of me, and so far I think the vote is Jason v Benj (sorry Benj that I had to convince Jason that I could work with him in the case that he idols). The biggest kink to that game is Ali winning those immunities, because truly I think the F5 would have been so different. Him winning rn changes everything and I can truly see the chinks in my strategy and gameplay now. I'm a mess, but I'm a calculating emotional mess, so hey points for me right?

okay so Jason left, which is really good news. He was clearly a major threat, and I acheived my goal (admittedly with no contribution to Mitch going) of Mitch, Jones & Jason being three boots in order.

So I'm in the final four with Caeleb, Benj and Tom. AND TOM IS NOW TARGETTING ME THAT MUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPET. I saw this coming, I knew he would, he thinks he is gonna pull a fast one on me, but little does he know Benj is the KINGEST KING, and we've been allies since the first round.

So I really REALLY wanna win final four immunity, because it might be the Final Immunity and I am cautiously optimistic that if I can just make FTC, I can win this whole thing. If I win immunity, I'm voting out Caeleb with Benj and Tom, who will... kicking and screaming have to vote with me ajkdslfa.

I think no matter what, I'll be able to go to firemaking this round at worst, since I think Benj is firmly in my corner. And I've been dominant in challenges thus far, and could hopefully continue to do so? We will see ahh.

I just desperately want to win immunity this round, because then I can vote Caeleb out and drag Tom to F3. mwahahahahahahahahahaha. HE WILL HAVE TO SIT WITH ME IN A FINAL THREE, like it or not!

I'm literally so close to FTC this is gonna drive me insane. If its a F3, I think I'm literally a challenge away from winning this season, I could truly SCREAM hnnnnnnnnnngh.

There's so much riding on this next immunity challenge. Like so much. And i just realized that I have no won immunity since Merge and everyone else left has, so umm here's hoping.

I WON FINAL IMMUNITY OH MY GOD. i literally.. my heart was pump pumping so fast, when Caeleb won the first two rounds I literally was gonna throw up/throw something/throw a fit.

But HNNNGH I won (and I filmed my reaction, which I'll upload), and I need to vote off Caeleb in my opinion. Benj is a king, but he hasn't done as much as me in this game, and Tom is solidly getting third place I think at this stage, so I think I have a great shot.

IM SO CLOSE ASKLDFAF. I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

I know that this game is an emotional mess. And HELL I have been an emotional mess. But this I think is the first time that I'm actually angry. 6 immunity wins? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? I coulda made it to FTC, and like I'm not done yet I'll keep fighting so hopefully I can make it. But in normal circumstances I would be there. I just. Am so. Livid. There's no strategy involved when you can't vote someone out consistently. Now I have to fight tooth and nail just to have a shot and go against the freakin contender to win. Like its so disheartening, and Ali is a sweet guy sure, but he hasn't even made half the moves I have. His biggest move and most unexpected? Voting out Julia. If I get my chance to make it to FTC I'll have a lot to say, but I don't think its looking up for me at this point.

this is the worst video i've ever filmed nobody watch this

I CANT BELIEVE I MADE F3 AGAIN!!!!!

WOWOWOWOW

and with Ali our day 1 duo actually did it WTF?

Tom king too the anzacs made it

I know im losing but its been SO FUN!!

Good memories only

Okay so... FTC was yesterday, and I kind of want to do a final wrap up confessional, just to kind of bring some personal closure.

So it seems unless a lot shifts, that I am decisively going to win this game. I'm so unbelievably excited, I've literally only ever come second in survivor games, so to have finally snatched the win genuinely means a lot. It shows me that 2019 truly has been a year of real emotional growth for me, and the personal roadblocks I've put in front of myself that have cost me games in the past, have been lifted and I have my act together much much more.

FTC was... just such a weird experience yesterday, I always get dragged at FTCs, particularly live ones. I've only done two ever (Athena: All Stars and BB Pokemon: Orre) and both times, not a single juror spoke positively about my game that was present. To have jurors come on, and say that I unequivocally played the best was such a bizarre experience, but I love all the jurors so much and their high estimation of me is genuinely so flattering.

With that said, FTC was also a really rough experience. I love Benj and Tom with my full heart, and watching Tom get relentlessly told he was rude was tricky because I know how good of a guy he really is, and how well he meant with everyone. Benj was rough because... it seems I just outplayed him, and him mentioning our duo in his opening statement when I didn't at all... was really rough because I felt partly at fault for his dragging. I just love both of them, so it was hard.

I also feel bad for what I was like in confessionals this season, from memory at some point, I went in on JJ, Mo and Caeleb in confessionals, and while I apologised for all, I still feel awful that I let myself get so worked up in this game to sort of snap at them? Like Mo is a genuine friend of mine, so the fact that he wrote like... a sentence and I got so pressed is really stupid, I love Mo so much and hope I can make it up to him. Caeleb I got so mad at after the Jones' idol play for literally no reason... like he outplayed me that round, and its so pathetic that I got mad at him for that. I think Caeleb played a PHENOMENAL game, and did so well.

If I had to predict the POTS of the season, I would say my top three would be Jones, Caeleb and Mitch. Jones is... Jones, she is so likable and has such charisma and hold over people, and her idol play was arguably the most impressive move of the season. Caeleb was someone I underestimated to such at the start of merge, but he played such an impressive middle game, and would've had my vote if I was voted out at F3. Mitch it sounds like was hated by the jury, but I think he played amazingly? Like he has been a target since F20, his name was thrown out so many times, and I just think he did so good? I lowkey think he would be my player of the season to be honest.

I wanna talk about the other jurors particularly that I haven't really referenced in this. Alex is someone I somehow feel most guilty about voting out? He is just such a genuinely good guy, and I think I had this preconceived notion of him as like a gamebot, when he is just so wholesome, I can't wait for him to return, and make single digits. scratch that, I can't wait for him to return and WIN.

I also wanna talk about Jules. I am such a Jules warrior? Like... such a Jules warrior? They were such a pleasure to work with, and I just love them so much. I did them dirty by not idoling them/telling them they were going, but they are someone I have SO much time, love and respect for.

Who else, omg JASON! He was the perfect final juror for yesterday's FTC, someone who went easy on Tom who needed that, and just... is such a wholesome good guy, I love Jason.

Anyway, this is already really, really long so I need to wrap this up. I just want to say how happy this season has made me, and how much of a pleasure its been apart of. I joined the ORG community right before a lot of messy personal stuff came my way, and a lot of my org memories are tied to that. I used to let my personal drama get itself interwoven in my games, and I would just be so emotional. To have a game where I could play hard, cracked and WELL, and just have fun has been such a pleasure, and Im so emo about it.

I just wanna thank the hosts again too, I literally am a full on Asya, Drew, Johnny and Seamus WARRIOR, I love all four of them for hosting my favourite org experience EVER, its been amazing. I've been such a crackhead, was the only OG Budva Tumblr Survior newbie to make merge, spammed my host chat with an unbelievable number of messages, been AWFUL at the bridge idol hunt system yet ended up with two idols, been a crackhead (bears repeating because of how much of a mess i was), its been... a time KLADSF

But yes. I just have had a phenomenal time, crackheads are gonna crackhead and this brit is joining the tumblr survivor royal family, and I truly could not be more excited.

[survivorwakea]

Episode 5: “my scumbag ass did the unthinkable and dirtbagged myself to safety” - Adam

AHHHHH I DID IT my scumbag ass did the unthinkable and dirtbagged myself to safety, I’m not proud of what I had to do or how I behaved when Taylor got eliminated but in all honesty that was all I knew I could do to get me through.

So okay let me explain my mindset, I was a goner I felt fucked and my back was most certainly against the damn wall. Nobody was answering me and nobody was even trying to talk to me, I knew that Thomas and Chloe are tight as fuck so I needed Tom to think that Taylor was going for Chloe so he would feel that he needed to protect her.  All the red flags were there for Chloe and she knew it was m I could see it in her face that she didn’t believe me at all when I was framing Taylor. She knew that I had made it and I honestly did the dumbest thing ever by snapping and celebrating cause it was live to the cast and being all new to live tribals I wasn’t thinking at all

Okay so after a very explosive tribal council one that I will honestly learn a lot from for future games 😂😂 a swap happens and I was hoping that I could be swapped with like Elmo but I got out with Zack and Ian oh and Chloe... she loves me I swear.

I think I just need to work on just staying calm and cool to try and claw back from that very unneeded aggressiveness just gotta grind this challenge out and get a W

I’m on a tribe with Asya. This is gonna go SO well😒

Im still reeling from that fucking tribal. Im so mad at myself for voting out Taylor and letting Adam fucking manipulate me. Im sick of men, Im sick of their shit. Men have no place in my life right now, theyre all lying cheating fucking scumbags and I would rather cut my tongue out before I ever have to talk to another man again

So, this has been an interesting 24 hours. We swapped tribes again, and as it turns out, the two people who were probably beefing the most at tribal, Adam and Chloe -- they both end up on my tribe. It's a bit frustrating, because I like them both. And if we lose this challenge and have to go to tribal, and they end up opposite each other, I'm worried about picking sides. In fact, I'm worried, period, about this damn tribal. 5 people equals not many places to hide. Yikes.

I’ve been crying about it. I fucking suck, we just established that.

Well it's another loss! I feel like Denise Stapley xD. Anyways, I was put all alone on my new tribe but since I wanted to strangle Adam after what he did it's a good thing, but then I realize poor Chloe is with him I hope he gets it after that last vote. As for this vote, I think of Joey and his third grade picture of a flag that says Kane instead of Milu makes him the easy target. But it is still early, something may change. I'm glad to be back with Asya and both Bodhi and Jared are really cool. I feel I have options.

No. Fuck this. I'm absolutely sick of going to tribal. No. I'm not happy at all. I'm pretty sure I'm cursed right now and all I want to do is sleep. Also Adam is back in my DMs being like lol I still wanna work with u. No thank u to that either. Adam plus tribal makes Chloe not very happy

Well I’m going to another tribal council, I’m getting sick of these but I think if I survive this one their is a possibility merge is next so I think me and tribals will just stay being friends. Poor Chloe and Tommy though they legit have been to every single tribal where I’ve been to every one BUT one.

My plan here is to try and vote Justin with Ian and Zack and hopefully the three of us can Hold the majority this round and take him out so that way moving forward I still slightly gave chloe who I believe is starting to come around again. I think she is finally starting to understand that the only reason I did what I did was being I was getting voted out and desperate times call for desperate measures and I think she gets that.

I’m going to tell her about my plans to vote Justin in a little bit I just hope that she agrees to it calmly and we can just have a simple 4-1 and call it a day.

hey yawlls this round was wild... so basically we swapped AGAIN and I'm with ben, johnny, anabel and lily, so overall a very solid group of people.

I'm rlly happy that I'm on the tribe with Ben because we share a lot of same thoughts about the game and I think that we are somewhat of a duo? I mean there's no bond or agreement between us but still! Really happy to have him here bc I trust him a lot, maybe more than I should.

Then we also have Johnny. He's the obvious threat of the game. He loves challenges and he is pretty darn strong socially too. I was very happy when he approached me with a ride or die deal. It's rlly good for my game at least for now because in order for me to reach far in this game I need to work with a lot of threatening people, if I vote all the out, it won't be a good look for me. Johnny also revealed a lot about who he knows before the game (i kinda knew of a lot of the info though bc i follow a lot of different orgs oops sidfashfd). But yeah! I think this round could start a beautiful partnership between us, I doubt that it will last until the end but it's great that it's a thing at least for now

Next up is Anabel. She is a sweetheart and I see a genuine opportunity to work with her in this game. She's innocent queen so far and I think she'd be loyal to her alliances, however I am also aware that she has crackhead tendencies so I just can't take her loyalty for granted. I rlly like talking to her tho so I think the more I talk to her the less likely it is for her to try to make a move one me? We'll see I guess but I just don't wanna blindly trust her.

Lastly, Lily. Ugh, a busy queen. I am very happy that we won the challenge because if not, there's high chance of her getting voted out of the game. She isn't as connected as the rest of us. The reason why I went so hard for the challenge was because I don't think its smart for my game to vote her out. I REALLY don't see her flipping on me and if she were to do it, I think she'd tell me about it which is the exact reason I want her to be in the game cuz I know I'm gnna need ppl who are v loyal to me. I also have worked a lot on trying to build a bond with her on a gameplay level too and so far so good, I'd say!

I think my position in this tribe is vvvvv good because of the randomly formed group of me Johnny and Anabel (although nobody talks in there, I take it as their sign of I want to work with you). Johnny also has the Ku advantage and while he says that it's nothing, I am not sure if I believe that. I doubt its an idol but I have a feeling that it could be something to help him in the game, yanno? I think that eventually he's gonna tell me though, yanno? Idk this is my random thoughts of the game. It's a blessing to be at confirmed F13 but there's long way to gooooo and I'm kinda here for it.  My predictions for the boots on the other tribes are Joey and Adam but we'll see what happens !

Just won another challenge. Kinda wanted to go to tribal for this one so I could solidify some bonds with ppl but oh well. It could be worse. I could be going home this round lmao

THIS. ROUND. WILL. BE. THE. DEATH. OF. ME! i feel like this round is gonna throw a major wrench in my game for the upcoming days because it's gonna show some people that i'm not as loyal as i say i am. adam and ian think i'm in an alliance with them and that is NOT the case! i feel more loyal to chloe and justin and think i can advantage further in the game with those two. adam and ian think we're all gonna be voting to evict justin, but when adam gets 3 of the votes and winds up going home, i don't think it's gonna be pretty. ian is gonna see that i was never loyal to him but WHATEVER! i had to do what i had to do and i had to lie to them to protect my own self this round! i didn't want them to flip the name around on me, because you never know what could happen in a game like survivor! so yes. me chloe and justin are in a serious alliance and we all plan on evicting adam. adam and ian think i'm in a serious alliance with them and are gonna be evicting justin. so.. this is gonna be another tribal council for the books of celestial i feel like.. so lets get ready and prepare for war! bring it gays.

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i honestly can't help but think the worse. yes, i trust chloe and justin 100% but.. justin seems to be stressed since adam and ian wanna vote him out. so justin can easily turn this around on me and tell adam and ian everything if he is LITERALLY worried about leaving. and chloe can just turn around and tell ian and adam what i'm doing if chloe wants me out. so yes. i trust them, but my mind can't stop thinking the worse. if chloe and/ or justin think i'm a threat in this game, they can turn this all around on me and vote me out since i'm doing the most here and lying my ass off to adam and ian and in an alliance chat with them right now. i'm worried, but i'm just gonna pray this all works out.

https://youtu.be/P9aV81hAjZY

https://youtu.be/0hB313P66RE

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Adam is voted out 3-2. Thomas is voted out 4-1 at double tribal.