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futurewriter2000 · 5 years

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Fighting Battles - pt. 7 - final part

It wasn’t easy being without Wren. You knew that since the moment the two of you met. After the whole parade of catching him using, resuscitating him and holding him in your arms with barely enough air in his lungs, he asked you to leave him alone. You were against it but at the same time you thought that some distance would do both of you good.

So you stayed in James’ dorm for a while. It wasn’t easy telling him the whole story but you did and as furious as he was, he promised he will let you solve your own problems for once.

But after a week being without your other half, Dylan came to the Gryffindor tower with his eyes on the floor, stuck with guilt. He knocked on the door and you looked up from your cards. “Dylan?” you wondered. “What are you doing here?”

He looked up, barely. “Hey, (y/n).” he then looked at the other two boys with cards, glaring at him. “Lads.” he nodded at them but they didn’t budge. “Can we talk?” he asked and you looked up at your brother, getting the usual warning look and later at his best friend who didn’t have any different thoughts.

“I’ll be right back.” you told them, put your cards down and got off bed. “And don’t look at my cards.” you walked out the dorm with Dylan.

As the two of you were alone, walking down to the common room and sitting on the sofa, he fimbled his fingers just like he always did and began. “I wanted to apologise about last time.” he finally looked up and you could see every single part of him was screaming sorry at you. “I took- we both took this new drug called Flakka and it’s amazingly calm for a first few moments but as you came burning it all away, it came out as an agressive, angry behaviour from me- AND KNOW, I would never want to hurt you or do anything remotely related to what I did but somehow I just couldn’t control what came out and I am truly, sincerely sorry for that.”

You listened with your ears lifted and focused on him, hearing every word that came from his mouth. You smiled warmly at him and pulled him into a hug. “You were pretty mean, I have to admit but I went through worse than that. Hell, I was in yours shoes once and for the first time I found out what James had to go through when I gave him outbursts like you and Wren gave me.” you paused, still holding him tight. “And I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, you gentle soul.” you pulled away and he laughed.

“Gentle soul?” he quirked an eyebrow.

“Dylan, everybody knows you are a teddy bear deep inside so don’t try to deny it.” you put your hand on his cheek and let it slide down to his shoulder. “Yet I didn’t know that teddy bear would be dumb enough to do drugs.”

“I just needed a boost. There just wasn’t enugh hours in the day and I remember Wren telling me that crystal meth helps you stay awake.”

“It does.” you conifermed.

“I know.” he simpered. “It was just the euphoric moment and the whole time I was on it that made me keep on going when I didn’t even need it anymore. Wren caught me using one time and I was too high to know where my head was and I somehow convinced him to do it with me. I was the one that you should blame, (y/n)-”

“I’m not blaming you, Dylan.” you sighed. “And I don’t blame Wren either. It’s tempting seeing other people on the euphoria when you are doing with all your strenght to resist it.”

“Yeah, well after the whole Wren O.D-ing, I got my shit together and after a week of- the worst week in my entire life to be clear.” he pointed out. “I decided to get some help.”

“You did?”

“Don’t be so shocked.”

“I just never imagined you asking for help. Remember first year-”

“Yeah, yeah. Mock me all you want.” he laughed with you.

“No, no. I’m happy you decided to get help on such a serious matter. It means your brain isn’t fried yet.”

“I am a smart, wise man.” he boasted and you laughed. “Also did you know their password is Banana Fritters?” he smiled. “Honestly, Gryffindors are the odder than Hufflepuffs.”

“Now, now. You’re talking about my brother.” you joked and he laughed.

“Yeah, well talking about my brother.” he got more serious and you knew exactly who he talked about. “He really wants to see you.”

---

You approached the dorm and you could hear the loud music blasting from it. At some point you could see him already, even behind closed door.

It was like summer, like every day with him; he was in his purple socks, underwear and black Rolling Stones T-shirt. He was facing you his back, jumping, sliding, strutting, leaping and whirling as his bed was filled with clothes.

You leaned on the wall and just watched him, jumping around the room in his underwear. He had his eyes shut, singing loudly to the music and playing air-guitar. Until he spun in his purple socks and opened his eyes.

He stopped, froze and kept his wide eyes on you. You smirked, still leaning on the wall. “Don’t let me stop you.”

“I-uhm-” he chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah-” he lowered the volume but you only rolled your eyes, walked up to him, put your hand over his and turned the volume back up.

The strong rock of the guitar started blasting over the room and you started walking sassily down the room. “ Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone!” you started singing, unzipping your jacket meanwhile he smile and continued.

“Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?!” he sung on the top of his lungs and you laughed. He took your hand and started spining you around, both playing on your air guitar and singing to the song until the chorus came on and the two of you sung your lungs out.

“ Pour some sugar on me Ooh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me C'mon, fire me up Pour your sugar on me I can't get enough. “

And before you could do the next verse he put his hand over you mouth and sung the best part of the song by himself.

“ I'm hot, sticky sweet From my head to my feet, yeah!” he posed and did his best Michael Jackson move, causing you to laugh.

“That’s not fair!” you laughed and he shrugged.

“Life isn’t fair, honey.” he bragged and jumped around the room, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you up to twirl you in the air, later throwing himself and you on the bed.

Both laughed and kept laying on your backs. After you calmed down, he sat up and started fumbling his fingers, just like Dylan did before. “(y/n)-”

“Wren, you don’t-”

“Yeah, I kinda do.” he cut you off, looking at you with his fern eyes and simpering. “I can’t believe that I did what I did to you.” he later looked back at his fumbling fingers. “You.” he repeated.

“I’m fine, Wren but you.” you sat up as well. “You almost died- hell you did for a moment.”

“I know- I just- I don’t know. It all happened so fast and you trusted me and I kept lying to you because I was terrified that if I start, you’ll start as well.”

“Yeah... it was tempting when I opened that drawer but I looked at you and Dylan and I just knew that’s not what I want anymore. And Wren, you’ve been here for me when nobody else was-” you took a hold of his hand. “-that’s why I am never mad or furious whatever you do. Because I just can’t. Not at you at least.” you squezed and he grinned.

“Does that mean I can do whatever I want and you won’t be mad at this pretty face.” he joked and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Don’t push it.” you laughed. “And no.”

“Yeah, well I think that I need to stop doing whatever I want.” he contiued and turned his whole body to you. “I wrote to my parents.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I never tried to get along with them at the first place. I think it’s time I try.” he smiled and you threw yourself in his arms.

“I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah.” he hugged you back tightly and smiled in your neck. “Mom wrote me back and told me she’d love to see me. Guess I’ll have to win over dad.” he chuckled.

“I love your dad.” you pulled away and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?”

“He brought me food once when he came to visit.”

He laughed and shrugged. “Yeah, he’s not that bad like I made him out to be. I honestly can’t wait to taste his food again. He’s a real chef at heart.”

“So, food? That’s your whole reason.”

“No.” he denied but kept smiling. “It’s 90% of the reason. The other 10% is his amazing personality.”

“And us?” you blurted out and his eyes locked with yours again.

“Us?”

“Yeah, us.”

“I mean there’s not really an us if you’re in love with another guy, is there?” he tried to keep the smile on his face but it kept fading. “I had my chance a long time ago and I knew it. I knew it all along I just didn’t feel the same until I saw you with him.”

“You knew?”

“The moment you started looking at me with the same eyes you now look at him. I was just too late, wasn’t I?” he nudged you. “Though, do you think he’s into guys?”

“Um, excuse me?” you looked at him. “You wouldn’t fucking dare.”

He shrugged. “Have you seen him? I would fucking dare. I would.” he kept a serious face and then burst out laughing. “I’m messing with you.” he nudged you again but you only squinted your eyes at him.

“He’d never choose you over all of this.” you flipped your hair over your shoulder and he let out a scoff.

“No. No he never would.” he said calmly, putting his hand on your cheek and smiling kindly. He pulled you into a hug and breahted in your perfume. “I’m going write you a letter every day this summer.”

“And I’ll reply to each and one of them.” you promised.

---

It was the last day for the seventh years and before they could go to the boats and finally graduate, you wanted to see them. Knocking on the door, you opened and found your brother suffer with his tie meanwhile Remus kept teasing him from the foot of his bed.

“Underneath and over, James.” he kept smiling.

“I AM!” he snapped, putting his tie over and over again, always ending with a knot. “THIS is so USELESS!” he made a shoe tie on his neck and you laughed.

“Come here.” you walked to him and started untying his knot. “You’re being useless, Remus.” you looked over to the guy chuckling on his bed.

“I couldn’t resist.” he continued meanwhile you finished with it. You put your and on his chest and iron the robe on his shoulder.

Finally looking up, you smiled at your big brother and a big, broad smile appeared on his lips and he lifted his arms in the air.“I fuckng made it!!” you wrapped your arms around him and breathed in his sweet cologne.

“I am so proud of you, big brother.” you smiled as well and he wrapped his arms around you.

“Thank you, sis.” he smiled and pulled away, kissing your forehead.

“Wait. How did you tie your tie all seven years?” Remus asked, furrowing his eyebrows and glancing between the two of you.

James grinned at him and both of you exchanged a similar look. He never tied his tie because it was already tied. He just put it over his head and went to class. That0s who James just was.

“It’s a mystery.” you winked and walked to Remus. “You finally did it.” you smiled proudly at Remus and he pulled you in a hug.

“I did.” he beamed, letting out a joyus laugh. “I finally got rid of these blokes.” he joked and you laughed.

“You would think that.” James squinted his eyes at him. “But you won’t ever get rid of us. Ever.” he reassured and Remus sighed.

“It was good to dream for a moment.”

“Mates, I lost Peter!” Sirius barged in and started looking around. When his eyes landed on you, he grinned and leaned on the wall. “Look who made an appereance.”

“What do you mean you lost Peter?” James looked confusedly.

“He was there and suddenly he wasn’t.”

“So? He’ll find his way back here or to the boats.” Remus walked to throw his books in the trunks.

“I might have told him, the graduating ceremony is in the Forbiden Forest.” Sirius scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Of course you did.” Remus sighed meanwhile James smiled.

“And he bought it?”

“This isn’t funny you guys.” Remus said but a smile was surfacing. “Just look at the map.”

And as James and Remus were looking at the map, you were stuck with a view of your favorite Marauder. You walked slowly to him, swaying your feet over the red and gold rug meanwhile he smiled and watched you with those dangerous eyes.

“Came to tie James’ tie?” he smiled and you laughed.

“Yeah.” you nodded.

“Came to tie mine?” he grinned and bit his lower lip as you were close to his chest.

You look down at his perfectly tied tie and smiled. “Unfortunately, it’s already tied.”

He was close. You were close. The tension was growing, the temperature rising. “I think it’s too loose.” he put his hands on your hips and just as his touch burnt yours like coal, this time wasn’t any different.

You put your hand on the tie but your fingers didn’t function. They felt numb and numbness didn’t come daily. It came when he was close and when you were close. It came when your heart pumped on adrenalin and your mind was focused on nothing other but him. It came when you were afraid to take your chance. So you took the tie, pulled it down and crashed your mouth on his. Your numb fingers relaxed and dug into his hair meanwhile his hands pressed you closer against his own body, lifting you on your toes.

James watched with his mouth agape meanwhile Remus behind him was snickering. “Wish I got this congratulation.”

“I’m gonna tackle him.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m tackling him, mate. That’s my sister.”

“And that’s your brother.” Remus pulled him back, James looked at him with softer eyes and smiling.

“I’m still tackling him.”

“JAMES!”

#James Potter #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #remus lupin imagine #james potter imagine #Marauders #the marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #maruaders x reader

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

#survey #quiz #questions

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ringa-starr · 5 years

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What You Mean to Me Pt3

A/N: Hey dudes and dudettes! Whew! You guys would not BELIEVE the blood, sweat and tears that I have put into this chapter all for you guys! The readers! My followers! All of you amazing people! You guys are the reason I write like a mad woman and I appreciate every like, comment, reblog...really from the bottom of my heart thank you thank you thank you!

I hope this chapter was worth the wait and I really REALLY wanna know what you guys think about it because, no lie, I have worked for two days straight on this and even lost a night’s sleep over it.

But that all being said please enjoy and stay tuned for part 4! Things are gonna really get cookin’! ;)

As always stay excellent and breathtaking and be excellent to each other!

-Love, Deidra

WARNING: SMUT!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!

A/N: Party outfits! ☝️

A pick-up truck filled with high school kids, including the cargo bed, slammed into the Prestons’ mailbox sending it flying across the yard the next night as it pulled into Bill’s driveway, his party already in full swing and obviously going strong.

Pump It by the Black-Eyed Peas was blasting from inside Bill’s home but it was so loud the music could be heard all over the neighborhood…perhaps even further.

Teens hung out in the yard and on the front porch, red cups in hand as they danced, talked, smoked, and/or made out.

River hopped out of the cargo bed and smiled as he took his girlfriend Ashley’s hand, helping her into the yard.

Once she was out of the truck, River smiled and placed a loving, gentle kiss on her cheek as well as the back of her hand.

That night, Ashley’s outfit consisted of a black top that read Caffeine Queen in bold white letters, pale blue jean shorts, and black Converse shoes along with a dark green jacket which she sported around her waist thanks to the hot, wet, night air.

Ashley’s shoulder length, bleach blonde hair hung loose, dark blood-red lipstick on her mouth and just as dark eye shadow around her gray, yet sometimes green, eyes.

Of course, it didn’t matter what she looked like.

River always thought Ashley was beautiful.

“You look great tonight”, he complimented her with a smile.

Ashley saw her boyfriend’s lips moving but she couldn’t make out what he was saying due to the loud, vibrating music.

“What?!” she cried, moving her head closer so she could hear him.

“I said you look great!” River repeated a bit louder in her ear.

Smiling, Ashley turned her head and kissed River’s lips, wrapping her arms around his neck.

River kissed her back, smiling into the kiss as he ran his fingers through her soft hair.

After another moment, River slowly broke the kiss and took Ashley’s hand, entwining her fingers with his as they opened the front door, music hitting them like an on-coming speeding train and the ground beneath them shaking and vibrating due to the massive bass of the stereo.

Loud cheers, whistles and yelling could be heard from all angles, the whole downstairs area of the house dark except for the rotating 9-color crystal ball filling the dark rooms with neon colors.

River and Ashley scanned the enormous crowd of San Dimas High students for their friends, River smiling and pointing out Bill, Deidra, and Ted center stage with their instruments, adding extra sound to the song.

Ashley and River moved further into the crowd to get a better look at their friends’ performance.

A/N: I recommend listening to 2:20-2:31 of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvlaZBxY6i0 )

Bill hit a few cords on his guitar before moving closer to Ted’s microphone, his best friend playing a sick guitar riff.

“Damn”, Bill sang into Ted’s microphone before slightly moving his head away.

“Damn”, Ted and Deidra chanted, Deidra having her own microphone attached to her drum set.

“Damn”, Bill sang again, a hot, seductive look on his face as he bent his knees a bit lower.

He had spotted Emily in the crowd and had his eyes locked on her.

“Damn”, Ted and Deidra echoed.

“Damn!” Bill breathed, bending a little lower, his heart pounding in his chest not just from the song’s energy but from the sight of the girl who held a special place in his heart.

He could put his feelings for her in one word at that very moment:

“Damn!” Ted turned his head and gave Deidra a look as if to indicate to her what Bill was trying to do.

“Damn!” Bill was now on his knees, gripping the guitar neck so hard his knuckles were turning white under his black leather fingerless gloves.

“Damn!” Deidra and Ted chanted for the final time, knowing smiles on both their faces as they watched their friend.

“Damn!!” Bill cried in song; his eyes squeezed shut as he leaned his head forward until it was touching the hard-wood ground.

His feelings for Emily had become far too much for him to handle at this point.

Deidra and Ted eyed Bill with slight concern until their friend found his way upright again, taking his place beside Ted.

As soon as the song was over, the sound of applause, whistles and cheers didn’t even seem to faze Bill.

He didn’t think he could get his guitar strap off fast enough before running off the stage he and Ted had set up hours before and disappearing in the crowd; only to reappear, his friends would find out soon enough, at the large refreshment table at the very far end of the room.

“Dude!” Bill heard Ted cry as he, Deidra, River, and Ashley ran up to him. “That kicked serious ass!”

Ted’s goofy smile slowly faded when he realized that Bill was not smiling back.

Instead, he was breathing hard, sweat pouring down his face, a hard, determined, and some-what angry look on his face as well, his eyes shining.

“Bill?” River asked, a bit nervous.

He had never seen his friend look like this before.

“Are you ok?”

Instead of answering River, Bill downed the cup of Pepsi he had just poured himself before throwing it across the room, his eyes never leaving his friends.

“I can’t take this anymore!” he cried, his hands gripping his blonde curls. “I’ve gotta tell her how I feel! Tonight!”

“Tell who what?” came a familiar female voice, causing the hair on Bill’s neck to stand straight up.

Emily walked up and stood in between her brother and Ted, giving Bill a curious smile.

Emily was sporting a white tank top with two black palm trees on either side, dark blue jean shorts, black sneakers, and a black beanie with the words Bad Hair Day on the bottom in white letters.

Her long blonde hair hung loose down her back with aqua blue highlights on the tips.

Suddenly, Bill felt lightheaded and dizzy.

He could hear his heart pounding in his chest so hard and so loud that he placed a hand over it, in case of the illogical event that it was to fly out of his chest.

A sudden sense of queasiness hit the teen’s stomach as well, the soda inside not helping matters much.

“Bill?” Ted questioned.

Even in bright, color changing neon lights, he could see Bill’s face getting paler by the minute.

“Are you alright, dude?” Ted tried again.

Breathing even harder, Bill wanted to say something but instead all he did was run off, heading for the downstairs bathroom.

Ted followed close behind him, hearing the bathroom door slam shut.

Feeling concerned, Ted pressed his ear against the door only to hear his best friend’s heavy breathing.

After hearing Bill gag a few times, Ted cringed and squeezed his eyes shut, his teeth clenched as he listened to Bill getting sick on the other side of the door.

A few minutes later, Ted heard the toilet flush followed by the door opening and Bill walking out, a small bottle of mouthwash in his hand, wiping his mouth with the back of his free hand.

“You okay, Man?” Ted wanted to know, placing a comforting hand on Bill’s shoulder.

Bill nodded before putting the open bottle of mouthwash to his lips, swishing the mint blue, germ-killing liquid in his mouth several times before spitting it out on the ground.

“Yeah”, Bill breathed with a sigh. “I-I’m fine dude…really.”

Ted smiled, wrapping an arm around his best friend’s shoulder as Bill continued to look at the floor.

“You really like her, huh?”

At the question, Bill’s head shot up, making eye contact with Ted.

The two were so close that sometimes they didn’t even need words to understand each other.

After a few moments of just solid eye contact, Ted’s smile grew wider causing a smile to form its way across Bill’s face.

“Excellent!” the duo cried out before doing their guitar move again.

“I’ve never felt this way before, Ted”, Bill confided in his best friend as they walked back into the living room.

“When I see Emily a-and think about her I…I just feel happy! Li-like I’m floating on air or something!” Bill’s voice grew a bit more excited with every passing word.

“You’re in love, dude!” Ted cried, happy for his best friend.

Bill didn’t think he could smile any wider, but he did.

“Yeah”, he agreed. “I-I guess I am!”

The duo soon spotted Ashley and River in their own little space dancing together to Michael Jackson’s P.Y.T, Emily dancing with Deidra nearby.

Bill watched as the girl he adored hung her head low, her long hair covering her face only for her to throw her head back, her hair falling perfectly back into place only in Bill’s eyes this happened in a slow, perfect motion.

His breath caught in his throat as he watched a smile form on Emily’s face as she slowly opened her eyes halfway, looking right at him.

Bill was so lost in his trance that he didn’t even notice that Ted was shaking his shoulder extra hard in order to get his attention.

“Huh?” Bill asked, feeling the same way he did when he was asleep in class and his teacher called on him. “What?”

“You’re drooling”, Ted laughed, pointing out the drool dripping off Bill’s chin and onto the floor.

Bill was thankful for the red neon light hitting his face at that moment because it masked the color of his face perfectly.

“Dude, you remind me of my uncle’s dog!” Ted laughed even harder as Bill wiped the now coagulating drool off his chin.

“Shut up, Ted!” Bill snapped, laughing a little despite himself.

It was after midnight and Bill’s party hadn’t died down in the slightest.

In fact, it was doing the opposite.

Lil Jon’s Outta Your Mind shook the whole house, the entire party looking and feeling as if it were now split in two halves, watching as students took turns dancing; some just dancing to show off their moves, some dancing seductively to impress the hot/popular kids, others twerking, and some even exposing themselves to the various groups of drunks around them.

Sometime during the party when Bill’s head was turned, all the sodas had been spiked with some of the best white wine San Dimas had to offer.

No one in Bill’s group of friends seemed to notice the slight change of taste to their drinks…and it seems like they didn’t even give a fuck themselves.

Deidra poured herself another cup of Sprite, this being her 10th cup of the night.

Placing a hand on her head to steady herself, Deidra turned, the room spinning in all directions around her as she took a long drink from her cup before taking a few stumbling steps.

Emily, who was a little tipsy herself, reached out and grabbed her friend’s arm as she saw her walk by.

“Dee”, Emily said, concern in her voice. “I think you should go upstairs and lie down. You’re really drunk, babe.”

As if her friend’s words went in one ear and out the other, Deidra harshly pulled her arm out of Emily’s grasp.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she slurred loudly. “My fucking mother or somethin’?”

She threw her head back and downed the rest of her drink before standing back upright and throwing the empty cup as far as she could.

Deidra stumbled to the empty stage, the microphone making a loud, vibrating, whining sound as she griped in tightly in her hand, struggling to keep her balance.

Emily watched sadly as some students around her laughed at her best friend, and some, Emily noticed, pulling out their phones to record her.

“Attention ladies and gentle-dudes!” Deidra announced into the microphone after someone had cut the music off.

She now held the whole party’s full attention.

‘No good can come from this’, Emily thought to herself sadly, feeling hopeless and defenseless in her friend’s situation.

“I would like…to…s-sing a little song I-that I wrote just for this-o-occasion”, Deidra slurred before bowing her head and taking a deep breath.

She lifted her head up and stifled a burp that was wanting to come up, knowing she would throw up right there on that stage if she did.

Some student’s laughs could be heard at the sound as Deidra took another deep breath.

“Hear that lonesome whippoorwill”, Deidra sang in a loud, tone-deaf, southern accent.

“He sounds too blue to fly!”

Tears filled her eyes.

“And as I wonder where you are-“she sang louder before pausing to point at a male teen randomly.

“I’m talkin’ to you Jeremy!” she cried, sending daggers in the confused teen’s direction.

“I'm so lonesome I… could cry!”

Deidra barely got the word cry out before gripping the microphone so hard it whined again causing a lot of students to laugh even harder, some laughing so hard they fell to the floor, holding their stomachs, while others covered their ears trying to block the noise.

“Why would you leave me in that fucking rodeo?!” Deidra sobbed as she screamed.

Emily had had enough as she felt River gently touch her arm.

She turned her head to see her brother giving her a look that said, ‘Help her.”

Emily nodded before pushing past the crowd of hysterical party guests and running onto the stage, gently wrapping an arm around Deidra’s waist.

“C’mon Dee”, Emily softly said in her friend’s ear as she led her off the stage. “It’s ok now.”

“E-Emily”, Deidra breathed. “I-I don’t feel so good.”

Emily didn’t have time to react before Deidra bowed her head again and threw up where she stood, the students all around her jumping back to avoid being hit, a few girls screaming in disgust as the vomit splashed onto them.

“Heh”, River laughed softly from his spot beside Ashley who had her mouth covered with her hand in surprise. “Serves ‘em right.”

River, along with Ashley, Bill, and Ted eyed Deidra with concern as Emily walked over to the group, almost having to carry her friend herself.

“Bill”, Emily said, her voice filled with concern, “can Deidra lie down in your room?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Bill nodded.

“Of course, babe”, he replied.

Without thinking, Emily leaned over and kissed Bill on the cheek before helping Deidra upstairs and into Bill’s bedroom.

Downstairs, Bill’s jaw dropped, his hand on the cheek Emily kissed.

He slowly looked at Ted who was giving him a large, goofy grin, his own eyes as big as plates.

“EXCELLENT!!” the boys screamed in unison before doing their air guitar move for the third time that night.

Everything was returning to normal now as the music blasted again, most of the party guests barely remembering that anything happened.

Except Ted, it seemed.

He sat in a large circle of his classmates in Bill’s living room, ready for a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven.

Bill smirked as he came back from the kitchen with an empty root beer bottle.

He sat it in the exact middle of the circle before taking his place beside Ted.

“Okay, you guys know the rules!” he announced enthusiastically. “Someone spins the bottle and whichever lucky person it lands on gets to go into my parents’ room and do whatever they want for 7 whole minutes!”

“Or longer!” one of the football players cried out before letting out a loud cheer and slamming his fists in the air, earning him whistles and applause.

Ted slowly stood up from the circle, all eyes on him.

“Hey, where are you goin’, dude?” Bill asked. “Aren’t you gonna play?”

“You guys go on without me”, Ted replied. “I’m gonna go check on Deidra.”

That comment earned him a series of ‘Ooooohhhh’s from the circle but Ted ignored them.

Upstairs in Bill’s room, Deidra lay on Bill’s bed, rubbing her still queasy stomach.

Her head throbbed with pain and the music downstairs wasn’t helping matters any.

The room spun around her as she carefully turned her head at the sound of Bill’s bedroom door opening.

“Dee?” Ted’s voice said quietly as he carefully walked in the room and shut the door. “You ok, Dudette?”

Deidra groaned a little, seeing two of Ted as he spun around her in circles.

Ted sat on the edge of Bill’s bed, a concerned look on his face as he stroked his friend’s forehead.

“Ted?” Deidra said softly, still a little drunk, his touch filling good to her. “W-Would you hold me?”

Ted looked a little surprised by the question, taking a moment to take in what his friend said to him.

Finally, he gave her a tiny smile and nodded.

“Sure”, he replied, scooting closer on the bed and lying down beside her.

Deidra’s head was killing her as she slowly scooted closer to Ted, but it was worth it when she felt her pounding head on his chest.

Ted gently wrapped an arm around Deidra’s waist, being careful of her upset stomach.

Without saying a word, he gently lifted Deidra’s t-shirt a bit and began rubbing soft, careful circles on her belly.

She flinched a little at his cold his hand was.

“You ok?” Ted asked, feeling her tense up beneath his hand.

“Yeah”, Deidra replied softly. “It’s just that….”

She smiled a little. “Your hands are cold.”

Ted chuckled, giving her his cute, crooked smile. “Sorry, babe”, he apologized.

Deidra could only smile back as she felt her entire body relax.

“Ted?” she said after a few minutes of silence as he continued to rub her tummy.

“Mmm-hmm?” Ted replied.

Deidra blushed, her heart pounding again as she tried to find the words.

She stared into Ted’s beautiful brown eyes, wanting so badly to move the stray piece of dark hair that hung in his face.

“I…I…well…I-“she leaned up slightly, gently moving the loose piece of hair behind Ted’s ear before gently cupping his cheek with her hand.

“I love you, Ted”, she admitted softly, combing her fingers through his soft, dark hair. “I love you so much.”

Ted remained silent for a few moments, making Deidra feel like she was going to be sick again.

What if he doesn’t feel the same way? she thought.

What if he laughs in my face?

Dedra fought her hardest to keep the tears that were wanting to show back, every second of silence making her feel worse and worse.

Finally, Ted smiled genuinely, the fear in his eyes softening slightly, as he lowered his lips to hers.

Ted lifted her eyes to see his and without a word he lowered his lips on to hers again.

It was sweet, gentle...a touch that Deidra had craved for years now, soon her hands began to explore his body.

She felt his tight arms and broad shoulders and ran her hands down his back.

Deidra pulled his shirt off and drew planes on his chest and lowered her hand down to his pants.

She was surprised to have them so tight and then she blushed scarlet red when she realized what was happening.

Not wanting to chicken out now, Deidra pulled them down leaving Ted in nothing but his underwear.

Ted blushed too when Deidra took his pants off and held himself up over her to try and get them off all the way.

Ted's rough hands stroked Deidra's stomach and his hand went up on her body.

He began to lift her shirt over her head, and she froze.

The self-conscious feeling was creeping up again as she thought about her naked body in front of his eyes.

Ted must have picked up on her thoughts because he started to kiss her stomach and then moved his way up her body until he had finally worked her shirt over her head.

Deidra lay there and didn't meet his eyes.

"Deidra, you look beautiful." Ted assured her and began to cover her body with kisses again.

He worked up her body and down and she sighed in pleasure and delight was his lips raked against her skin.

Ted pulled her pants down and off with little trouble and soon was over her again.

He looked her very point in the eyes until she would meet his stare.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Just so you know I've never done anything like this before and I don't really know what to expect." Ted blushed slightly at the end and looked down.

Deidra was so nervous and scared she didn't want to speak in fear that her voice would shake and give me away.

Instead in response she took off her bra and pulled her underwear down and off all the way.

Then she was just there, she had become totally vulnerable and open to him.

Deidra bared all and she was relived.

Ted's eyes looked over her whole body and while Deidra wanted to hide she fought it because the look in his eyes made her feel like she was worth something.

He looked at her like he was looking at the most precious thing in all of San Dimas.

Slowly and awkwardly Ted pulled his underwear down.

Deidra let out a small gasp when she saw his manhood.

This was a whole new side of him.

Slowly Ted positioned himself over Deidra and her entrance.

Her body had a strange reaction while she waited for him and suddenly, she couldn't wait anymore.

Deidra grabbed Ted around his neck and pulled him down on her, he guided himself inside and she let out a sharp gasp as he penetrated her for the first time ever.

The tearing was almost too much and tears began to fill her eyes.

This is not what she thought it would be.

Ted looked at Deidra's face and quickly jumped off her.

"Deidra! I'm so sorry babe, I didn't mean to hurt you, God I'm such an idiot!" He brushed her hair back from her head and apologized repeatedly.

"Ted, stop. It's ok. I knew it would hurt at first, please. Can we try again?"

Deidra had heard girls talk about the brief pain and then the wonderful sensation afterwards and if this small pinch was all it took to make Ted wholly hers then she would tough it up.

This wouldn't last long.

Ted reluctantly got back on the bed and positioned himself over Deidra again.

She could tell he was about to rethink it again so before he could talk, she pulled him down on her and crushed her lips on his.

Deidra moved her hips to meet him and he was inside of her again.

This time it didn't hurt so badly, and she could feel the warmth beginning to rise inside her.

Ted took a few short thrusts at her until he finally found a rhythm to keep and he slowly pulled his head back up, he used both arms to steady himself and Deidra pulled her legs around his waist and anchor herself onto him.

Consequently, this did wonderful things to her insides and it felt even better.

Deidra could feel Ted losing himself in her and soon all kissing stopped.

He thrust again and again, and she felt a tingle inside her work its way down until she erupted in euphoria.

Ted collapsed on Deidra a second later and she laughed at his exhausted features.

He had a thin sheet of sweat on him and his back felt clammy.

Deidra knew she felt the same way and she loved it.

They laid next to each other until Deidra couldn't handle to separation anymore.

She half climbed on him, so they were closer and laid her head on his chest.

Deidra felt her head move up and down with his rapid breathing and closed her eyes.

This is what she's needed.

For the first time in a long time Deidra felt safe and whole as she dozed off in bliss.

She and Ted stayed wrapped up in each other that night with their naked bodies intertwined.

Meanwhile downstairs, it was Bill’s turn to spin the bottle.

He spotted Emily sitting directly across from him and she noticed him, giving him a kind smile.

Bill felt his heart pound faster as he said a silent prayer before spinning the bottle as best he could.

‘Emily, Emily, Emily please Emily!!’ Bill prayed in his head; eyes squeezed shut.

A series of more ‘Oooohhhs’ filled the circle, causing Bill to open his eyes in dread…

…only to find the tip of the bottle pointed at Emily.

Inside, Bill was on Cloud 9 but there was no way he was going to let that show on the outside.

Instead, he slowly stood and, heart like a jackhammer, held out his hand.

Emily returned Bill’s shy smile as she took his hand, following him to the nearby closet, wolf whistles and cheers following them.

It was quiet for a few moments as Bill and Emily stood in the solid darkness in utter silence until Bill was startled by Emily’s angelic voice in the dead air.

"Bill?" She asked softly, almost reluctantly.

"Um," Was his soft reply.

"How… how do you feel about me?" He heard the true need behind the question.

The need of the truth and love.

"Emily, I… I…" He paused and took a deep breath. "I love you."

Her head shot up, her eyes were wide as saucers.

"Y-you love me?" She stuttered.

"Emily, I don't care if you don't feel the same way. I just wanna b-"

He was cut off by Emily slamming her lips onto his.

The kiss was passionate yet soft and hesitant.

It was also short.

Emily pulled back unwantingly and to Bill's dismay.

"How could I not love you, you moron?" She demanded more than asked.

Bill was too stunned to answer.

Emily really loved him.

"How could I not love a goddess like you?" Bill chuckled when Emily blushed before kissing him again.

This time Bill wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto his lap, so she was straddling him.

She felt his lips move across her cheek to her ear, where he nibbled on her ear lobe causing her to moan.

"Emily," He whispered into her ear.

"Hmm?" She sighed/moaned, bending her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes.

"Did you really mean that you want to leave school as a virgin?" He asked moving his mouth away from her ear.

"I would rather than sleep with every guy I can." She lifted her head and stared into Bill's green eyes. "But if there was just one guy I could love and count on, then no." Emily smirked.

"Really?" Bill raised his eyebrows. "Is there any chance that guy is me?"

"No." Emily simply said.

She laughed at the shocked look on his face.

"There is no chance because it is you." She kissed him. "And I want my first time to be with you."

"Same with me." Bill said picking her up and he started to walk to the stairs, Emily behind him.

When they got to his parents' room Bill kicked the door shut behind him and placed Emily on the bed.

But instead of joining her, he stepped back to admire her just sitting on the bed.

"What?" She asked with a smile.

"Nothing." Bill walked up to Emily and traced the contours of her face with is hand.

His warm breath tickled her neck making her spine tingle.

"Emily…" He said lovingly. Bill pushed her softly against the bed with his hand supporting her neck.

He pressed his body against hers with his head buried in her shoulder.

He phased her shirt and bra off to reveal her pale skin and threw them across the room.

Bill gently nipped her collarbone, earning himself a gasp.

He smirked against her skin.

He pulled himself up to look at her.

The way her skin shimmered in the moon light coming through the window and the shine in her blue eyes made her look like a goddess.

Having Bill look at her with such intense eyes made her shiver all over her body.

Emily could feel his eyes scan her body, carefully taking in the view of her exposed chest.

Her hands wanted to cover herself, but they couldn't.

Bill's strong arms held them firmly above her head.

Bill dipped his head down and licked her earlobe, making his princess twitch.

His lips trailed down the side of her face leaving a trail of fresh kisses.

Finally, his lips made it to hers.

When they were right above hers, he crashed them down with hunger.

Bill begged for entrance as his tongue liked her bottom lip.

The woman under him moaned into the passionate kiss, leaving an opening.

With his first chance, his tongue darted in deepening the kiss.

Their tongues soon began to fight for dominance.

After a while they broke apart to catch their breaths.

One of Bill's hands let loose of Emily's arm as it traveled down.

He heard Emily moan silently as his fingers played with one of her peaks.

His head slowly crept down to take in the other peak into his mouth.

His tongue swiveled it around making her moan louder.

Then he began to suck on it making her make more erotic sounding noises.

It excited him, making him nip her hardened peaks.

After a while, his other hand traveled down to her round hips.

Bill phased her shorts and underwear off at once and threw them to join her shirt and bra on the floor.

He used his hand to push her against his hardened manhood showing her his need.

Emily felt it poke her thigh roughly.

When she looked down, she saw a massive bulge growing.

When Bill nipped her peaks again, she arched her back into his body.

Bill's mouth left her breast as it traveled back up to her face.

He kissed her again but this time much softer.

He felt two arms snake around his neck deepening the kiss.

He also felt one of her shapely legs wrap around his waist.

Bill soon felt her grab at his shirt and Emily threw it across the room to join her clothes.

Bill used one arm to prop himself up and the one placed on her waist began to travel somewhere else.

He soon found her entrance that was dripping with her sweet nectar.

Emily felt a great wave of pleasure emit through her body as something entered her maiden hood.

She realized it was Bill's fingers slowly pumping in and out of her.

Her fingers dug into his back as she arched her body into his again.

Then she felt him shove in another finger.

A moan escaped her lips making him enter another one.

"Ahhh…" She said loud enough to drive him mad.

Bill's pace picked up as soon as he heard her moan out in ecstasy.

He felt her body grind into his hand in unison.

He kissed her as she moaned into his mouth.

He could feel her about to reach her climax.

As she drew nearer, he lowered his head until he was in-between her legs.

Bill quickly retracted his fingers and replaced it with his mouth.

He began to kiss it making her scream out his name in pleasure.

"Bill… ahhh!" She screamed as she felt a wet tongue enter her and swirl around.

Her body arched a final time before sinking back into the bed with a final sigh.

A rush of fluids exited her core as he lapped it up.

She tasted like honey; how would she feel?

Bill removed his pants and underwear, revealing his throbbing manhood.

He placed himself right above her with both arms placed at the side of her head supporting him.

He lowered his body until his manhood was placed at the entrance of her womanhood.

Before Bill entered her, he kissed her with passion.

He pushed himself inside of her with all his self-control he had left.

When he came to her barrier Bill broke the kiss and looked at her.

When Emily nodded, he kissed her again and broke through her barrier.

When he was completely rested inside of her, he broke the kiss to look at her.

When Bill saw the pain on her face, he closed his eyes and cursed himself for hurting her.

When he felt her arms re-wrap themselves around his neck, he opened his eyes and saw her smile up at him.

"It's okay, Bill." She whispered and he started to rock his hips.

When he pulled himself halfway out, he pushed his self-back in.

As his pace began to pick up, he felt Emily join him in a rhythmic pattern.

Bill growled as he could feel his partner about to reach her climax for the second time that night.

He had her moaning once again.

"Ahhh… it feels so good," She moaned into his ear. "Ahhhhh!" She screamed as her walls tightened around his shaft.

Bill soon followed her as he reached his peak.

His body lightly collapsed onto hers.

Both of their sweat mixed together as they embraced each other.

"Emily", Bill panted before kissing her forehead.

"Yes, Bill?" Emily panted, her blue eyes shining.

"W-Will you be my princess?" Bill breathed as he moved an aqua blue strip of hair from his beloved’s eyes.

Emily smiled and, as if answering his question, she kissed his lips tenderly, Bill cupping the side of her face with his hand.

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savagegardenforever · 5 years

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Australian music act Savage Garden will always be revered as a commercial tour de force that launched Australian pop music to the stratosphere in 1996, propelled by a series of chart-topping hits from their debut, self titled album followed by their 1999 sophomore release, Affirmation. While tracks like Truly Madly Deeply and I Knew I Loved You would attain significant success breaking through to international markets, there was far more to this group than a seemingly uncanny ability to create pop hits. Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones would be the creative force behind Savage Garden, instrumental in writing and producing their own material, first out of a family home in suburban Brisbane and then a recording studio in Sydney. A shared devotion and love of music and performing would bring the pair together, and a unique collaborative dynamic would lead to the creation of truly eclectic and exciting material.

Hayes would discover a love and passion for music from childhood, crediting Prince’s iconic Purple Rain soundtrack as pivotal in shaping his fascination with music, “I remember I got a walkman for Christmas and I got Purple Rain by Prince and it just changed my life and listening to the stereo mix and it did something to me that music still does to me now. It physically stops me from being able to concentrate.”

Jones similarly, had been immersed in music from an early age and between this constant exposure and his competitive nature, he would learn to play a variety of instruments as he notes, “I was brought up in a household where in one room there was a drum kit and in another room there was a guitar rig and another room there was a bass so I had older brothers in music so I’d walk in and sort of I’d be a little threatened by my brother playing drums better than I would so I’d go in and I’d practice when he wasn’t there. Then I’d go into the guitar and play guitar and so this was at the age of about 10, even earlier on the keyboard so I guess I’ve always known that I would do music and I survived on it throughout my late teens in pub bands and things like that so it was just a matter of time before I found something that I could really sit with and go okay, I’m going to work this as hard as I can.”

As would be reflected in the sonic eclecticism of Savage Garden’s catalogue, both Hayes and Jones would be influenced by contrasting styles growing up. Darren cited the importance and influence of pop music, “I’d have to say that I definitely was a pop fan because I grew up, you know, I was born in 1972 and I watched the whole pop thing happen. I think that the album that changed my life wasn’t The Beatles, it was Prince’s Purple Rain m y’know, Duran Duran. “Pretty in Pink” was one of my favourite teen films, so yeah, I was living and breathing the whole Flu-Row experience, I guess.”

Jones would find himself immersed in different genres, that would lead to this fusion in style evident in the group’s work. He further elaborates, “Pop definitely not all the time for me. I went through a phase of ska and punk, “oi!” music for a while there when I was a teenager, but what that did is open up a lot of various types of influences throughout my music.”

While Darren would exude a natural and playful confidence as the un-official front-man during the duo’s electric live performances, he discussed how attending Michael Jackson’s Bad Tour in Brisbane would greatly influence his aspirations to be a performer, “It was Brisbane, 1987 and by a crazy stroke of luck I ended up front row for ‘The Bad Tour’ and I witnessed him at the absolute Olympian peak of his prowess. He would move one finger and the entire arena would scream. I looked around that room and I knew I was going to do that some day. I wanted to lift the energy of a room when I walked into it and I wanted to take people away from the sadness of life and into a dream world. That night, I stopped being a fan and I observed him as a student. He’s still my hero.”

Hayes would continue to nurture this element of his personality growing up as he notes, “I was at university I did a lot of moonlighting in theatre productions and different plays. I was expected to be a doctor or lawyer but I left university one month before the end of my course. My parents were livid, my father thought that I was completely mad, but now he’s our biggest fan.”

While Hayes and Jones had clear aspirations to work in the music industry as performers, they would not meet until 1993 via an ad posted by Jones looking for a singer in his band. Darren elaborates, “Daniel was in a band called Red Edge in Brisbane, they had a lot of interest from a record company but they were looking for a new singer. I saw their advert in the Aussie NME saying ‘Serious singer wanted.’ The pair would first speak over the phone with Hayes eventually auditioning in person for the position. He recollected on the experience further, “It was the first audition I ever went to. Um… when I spoke to him (Daniel) on the phone, I clicked, and even after the audition, I remember leaving his house, I went to a restaurant with a friend of mine and I actually said to her, “I think that I’m gonna be really successful. Like I can feel it in my bones. Just from meeting this person.”

Darren would be successful in joining the band, however, it was clear that there was chemistry between both Hayes and Jones that would form a deviating musical output. Daniel elaborates, “I instantly thought it would be interesting to work with him. I liked his personality and his input towards the songs and I thought he had a really nice voice. After being in different bands for about a year, we decided to write a couple of songs together on our own. That’s how Savage Garden started.” By 1994, Hayes and Jones had parted from Red Eye and began writing material as a duo tentatively titled, Crush. The writing and recording of these early tracks were done at Jones’ suburban home prior to the pair’s signing with a record label. Daniel recollects, “Darren would come round to my house everyday and we’d try and write songs. They were some of the best times I’ve ever had ‘coz it was a real challenge. We even soundproofed my bedroom with a load of mattresses so it felt like a proper recording studio!”

Hayes’ and Jones’ collaborative relationship was based on a healthy competitive nature. This was combined with a clear admiration and appreciation for each other’s particular strengths in the process of song writing and composing. Darren elaborates, “I mean, Daniel doesn’t do lyrics. He wouldn’t even touch melodies- not his thing. Likewise I’m not interested in spending a day behind a keyboard working out the EQ on a drum kit. We have to work round each other a lot, But I think it helps make what we do much, much better.” Daniel shared a similar sentiment, “I’m his instrument! He would say, “Let’s try that!” and hum something and I would put it into musical terms. For most of the time though, I’ll conic up with music first. Darren is perhaps more the lyric man. I do what Darren can’t do and Darren does what I can’t do.”

The competition between the pair of who could create the more impressive piece of music would also be a significant factor in fostering the exciting material that would come from their collaboration. Darren elaborates, “I think it’s with fondness that we remember writing songs and recording songs because it’s never a struggle. It’s never a battle. It’s just “here, I’ve done this”… and it… it’s a little game almost. We try to top each other. Daniel will write a piece of music and it’s like, oh my God, it threatens me because it’s better than anything we’ve done so I’ll go “Okay” and I’ll have to go away. And I come up with something that’s better than than ever, and then, so I might come up with a song lyrically that just blows him out of the water and the melody’s really quick and he’ll go, “Well, have a go at this.” And then he’ll pull Carry On Dancing out of the hat and just show me that.”

One of the earliest tracks written and recorded by the pair at Jones’ home-turned recording studio is the ecstatic, A Thousand Words, which would appear on the group’s debut album a few years later. The track begins with eerie synths before launching into a funky mix of loose guitar riffs, a subtle bass line and stabbing keys embellished by a subtle guitar line. Hayes recollected on the origin of the track, The first track Daniel and I wrote and finished together was A Thousand Words. And it was funny, I remember sitting in his front room and we said, “Let’s… we’re gonna do this, let’s write some songs” and he said “What do you want to do?” And I said, “I’ve been working on this song” and I pulled out the chords to Right On Time by… uh… that band, whatever that was (Daniel: Nightclubs… ) really simple house song and y’know and sang this different melody over the top, thinking I could fudge it, and Daniel said, “Eh, well, you know, we could go that way, but a zillion bands have, y’know, what do you actually want to do?” We started talking about music and I was really into Achtung Baby by U2 at the time and, I don’t know, Daniel was a big fan of INXS and Seal, I guess. But he pulled out a chord progression, which is the chord progression in this song and I pulled out a like a Manchester kind of beat to go over the top of it, and it became… it filled the room. I remember thinking, “Wow, this is the most full, you know, piece of music I’ve ever heard in my life.” And when I look back now, Daniel probably thought it was really simple, but for me, it was the most musical thing I’d ever seen or heard.”

While the pair’s compositions would continue to develop and evolve, A Thousand Words is a demonstration of the clear talent and sophistication in Jones’ musical ability, creating a vibrant and interesting sonic landscape with pop sensibilities. The composition would also be an indication of the fusion of various genres and sounds that would continue to be evident throughout the band’s catalogue. Between the funk elements evident in the percussion, contrasted with the prominent guitar riff reminiscent of rock, with pop chord progressions, it’s clear that the pair’s genre-crossing inspirations would be evident in their music.

On top of this composition, Hayes’ details the breakdown of a relationship with the lyrics, using his exceptional ability as a songwriter to paint vivid, visual images:

We stumble in a tangled web Decaying friendships almost dead And hide behind a mask of lies We twist and turn and we avoid All hope and salvage now devoid I see the truth behind your eyes

Darren elaborates on the writing of the track, “One of the two songs about conflict in relationships. This track is a very personal snapshot of a real life argument and a play on linguistics and twisted meanings. The rhythm section of Terapie Richmond and Alex Hewitson take the track beyond its original Manchester feel and make it alive, grunting and believable.”

The exciting result of the developing song was vital in instilling confidence in the pair and encouraged them to continue to create music as Jones notes, “We were so confident after that, that we just decided to come back to each other’s house every day. And really that’s all this band has been. It’s just a decision for both of us to keep coming back every day and keep doing it.” In a retrospective interview after the release of Savage Garden’s debut album, Daniel discussed the recording of the track further and the special distinction it holds on the album, “A Thousand Words is a song… that was… it was the virgin song. It was the first song that happened. I still think you can see Darren and I learning about each other in listening to that song. It’s.. that was sitting there sort of like looking up at Darren and looking up at Daniel and the songs can say different things to each of us. But I think it’s great that it’s on our first record because it means a lot in that way.”

As the pair continued to write and record in suburban Brisbane, a reflective night at a local bar would lead Jones to compose what would become one of the most important and iconic tracks in Savage Garden’s catalogue. He elaborates, “Like a lot of Australians I was up the pub on a Friday night, I was maybe eighteen or nineteen… I’m like “you know what, I don’t belong in this pub”… I walked home…I got home and I started composing what ultimately became the whole To The Moon And Back. From the start of the intro, to the guitars, to the chorus, to the little melodies in there, the orchestral piano string ending. I remember going, “this is going to be my ticket that’s gonna stop me from having to go back to that pub and drink.”

Daniel would present an early composition to Darren as he developed lyrics to accompany this atmospheric instrumental. Hayes elaborates, “This was one of the first songs Daniel and I wrote together. It was a beautiful, space-like instrumental that Daniel had been working on for quite a while. He showed it to me and I took it away to work on the melody and lyrics. The song came together very quickly. We recorded the song and included it on our first demo tape.”

The lyrics would resonate with Daniel in particular as he noted a parallel in his own emotional state with Darren’s lyrical inspiration, “It’s a strange metaphor for me but that song saved me, as well as when Darren contribute his lyrical story to it. It floored me even more so because it was a very personal subject for him about a friend of his, that probably wasn’t that dissimilar to me in the sense that they were lost.”

By 1995, Crush had been renamed Savage Garden as an ode to a passage in the novel, The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice to which Hayes was a big fan of the author. The pair had recorded enough material to produce a demo tape that they began dispersing to various record labels to no success. It’s estimated that Hayes and Jones sent out approximately 150 copies with all but one rejection. John Wordruff who previously had success managing Australian groups, Icehouse and The Angels was excited by the material he had heard. This early incarnation of To The Moon And Back had the record buff particularly excited, as he noted, “It was pretty much as it ended up on the album. Obviously a bit rougher but it came from a home studio but the same vocal, same arrangement. Much as we were in the middle of the grunge era, and I managed rock bands, it was pretty undeniable.”

Beyond the material however, Wordruff was confident in a partnership after meeting Hayes and Jones as he recollects, “I thought they were brilliant. I thought the discussions we had together was some of the most honest and frank — albeit somewhat naïve from their perspective that I ever had with a new artist. That was what got me even more so than the music. I was still debating that with myself, because the closest thing to a pop band that I had ever looked after before was Icehouse.” John would become the pair’s manager and presented the demo tape to two major record labels, both of which passed. This disappointment would not last, however, as Wordruff was able to negotiate a contract with label Roadshow/Warner music and after the success of the pair’s first single, I Want You, Hayes and Jones entered the studio to work on Savage Garden’s debut album. The pair were finally seeing traction as they went from Jones’ Brisbane home to a recording studio in Sydney.

While the pair had up until this time, written and arranged each aspect of their music on their own, Charles Fisher would be brought in to produce the album with Hayes and Jones. Fisher had previously produced various other Australian bands including Air Supply. Beyond producing the album with Hayes and Jones, Fisher would also provide mentorship to the pair who were only freshly immersed into the professional recording space. Charles recollected on when he first heard the pair’s demos, “When I first heard it, there was one song that I thought was magnificent, and that was a song called To The Moon And Back. It was so good, I thought anyone who could write that, could write They hadn’t done much recorded beyond the primitive demos they had done in their own home, so there was a lot of education involved in getting them to do what I thought needed to be done.”

With a professional recording studio at their disposal and an experienced producer alongside them, Hayes and Jones began to record new material and develop the early demos they had recorded in Brisbane. It’s important to note that the pair had delivered demos that while primitive had featured the vital melodies and progressions that would be instrumental in completing the finished tracks. Fisher elaborated further, “The songs were there, the structure was there, we really just had to come up with a bit of a sound to the whole thing cos it was just Darren and Daniel. It was all very simplistic in the demo stage so we had to blow it up a little bit but the songs were there, and when you have the material, the rest is easy.”

This sentiment is evident on a number of tracks, including the early demo of To The Moon And Back. The melody and chord progressions are clear and evident from this early incarnation, however some aspects of the instrumentation differ from the completed track. The subtle, but infectious bass-line and the light, airy synth lines during the verses remain intact, however, many of the futuristic keyboard sounds would be removed and replaced with multiple guitar riffs. The percussion would similarly be replaced with a more live and acoustic drum pattern. Jones’ sublime keyboard coda during the outro is also evident with dramatic synths eventually being replaced by the string arrangement that would be featured on the completed track. An acoustic Spanish style guitar solo would also be added into the bridge giving the track a more contemporary feel. A number of sound effects would also be filled throughout the track to compliment the imagery of the lyrics. Darren recollected on the re-recording of the song, “One thing we didn’t say about To The Moon And Back was the fact that it was incredibly hard to record because the demo was so…perfect. It was a really simple song and it had out of key singing in the demo had cheap keyboard sounds, but it was so believable. And that’s the reason why everyone hooked on that song. And recording To The Moon And Back, we really tried to jazz it up, change it, and make it this and make it that and we almost lost it. I think we only just got To The Moon And Back.”

With the new-found budget and opportunities that came with this record deal, the duo were able to employ the Sydney Symphony Orchestra to record the string arrangement featured during the climatic finale of the track. Hayes elaborated on the outro further, “It I was a huge Bjork fan and I always love songs that kinda came back for a revamp so from a structural part of view, it was a much different song. At the same time, we were worried that it might be too serious, I could never tell if it would be a hit or not.” The sublime outro is a perfect intertwine of Jones exceptional keyboard skills present on the demo, contrasted with the dramatic tone of the heavy string arrangements.

Coupled with this stellar composition, there was a maturity and sophistication to the lyrics that would separate Savage Garden from other contemporary pop acts. Hayes perfectly compliments the visceral composition with lyrics filled with various metaphors, creating a distinct and atmospheric visual imagery. Darren elaborates, “I guess it carried a weight to it and maybe a maturity that we didn’t really have at that time but were hoping to be.” Daniel similarly notes, “I wanted people to understand that yes this is a pop band, but it was an intellectual pop band… yes we have pop melodies, yes, we have pop progressions but we’re saying something lyrically here that’s a little more clever than “oh I want you.”

The first track to be developed at the Sydney studio with Fisher as their new collaborator is the funky Violet. The pair brought with them a sparse, but compelling demo with the melody clearly established and propelled by an infectious synth and bass line. Prominent keys and a snare drum would give the song a catchiness and energy complimented by Hayes’ quirky lyrics, detailing the “disco in one’s mind.” The sessions took some time to get traction as Jones noted, “It was actually a really hard song to record cause it was our first one. Darren and I had just flown down to Sydney, just met with this producer called Charles Fisher, walked into the studio, and all looked at each other and said “Where do we start?” And one of us said “Violet.” (sighs) And about a month later, we actually got something happening on Violet. That’s how long it took before we actually got something moving in the studio.” While all the key elements were already evident in the pair’s demo, Fisher would begin to put his own touches on the track, polishing and adjusting certain elements of the composition. In particular, Charles would take the infectious bass line and add various effects to distort and compress the sound. As Jones notes, “Great idea from Charles of the bass line came out in the studio, um, just started distorting it, made it really fuzzy, funky, blues…this song’s got everything.” Hayes similarly recollected on how the song began to take shape with the irresistible bass line, “It moves and jumps now, and it’s fat and fuzzy and very funky and as soon as that happened, the whole song just came alive and then we were lucky enough to have Rex Goh and come in and play some fantastic guitar on the track.”

Goh would add some bluesy guitar riffs to embellish the track further, adding to the sonic landscape and complimenting the metallic clang of the prominent snare drum. Jones discussed how Fisher’s advice would be instrumental in providing the pair with perspective when creating these vibrant compositions, “Charles’ motto would be “Less is more.” And it was a perfect motto to have, for Darren and I, because we like to feel things out. We liked as much as we can put down, we’ll put it down. Um..and we needed someone like Charles to go, “Okay, think about this, guys, why do you actually want to do this? You don’t have to if you do this.” And it was as simple as that. And we’d go, “Yeah, great idea.”

There is an energy to Violet that while clearly evident on the demo would be magnified and heightened with the adding of various subtle but key instruments. Darren discussed further, “It reminds me of the energy that you hear in a Prince track or Need You Tonight by INXS. There’s just something about it. It has a sonic quality that just… it bubbles and pops.” The pair would spend a significant amount of time with Fisher developing the track from the demo to the completed product as Darren notes, “We actually shelved it halfway through and thought well, hang on. You know, spent copious amounts of time working on the rhythm loop and the bass line, just trying to make it work, and in the end the solution was really simple.”

Other tracks would experience a more radical change in sound as they were being developed in the studio. One such example is the vibrant, Tears Of Pearls. The genesis of the song deviated from the usual collaborative process between Hayes and Jones, with Darren taking a role in the creation of the composition.

Jones elaborates, “I remember feeling like I was writing a song that Darren would want to write. That happened for time to time with the pair of us. I’d give him some lyrical suggestions and say,“Look I really want to write a song about this or about that”, and I think Tears Of Pearls for me, was a song I was writing because he was asking me to write this type of song. Nearly literally, like kind of going “can you do this beat?…And I was literally carving it out in front of him going, “Is this what you mean?” The early demo would be more so reminiscent of electronic music compared to the completed track with a plethora of pulsing synths behind a deep computerised drumbeat. This initial mix would include a slightly different melody with a synth line appearing throughout that would eventually be dropped. The pair would return to Tears Of Pearls in their Sydney recording studio alongside Fisher to re-vamp the production. Hayes elaborates, “We were never really that keen on it, and it changed a lot during the recording process, and Charles Fisher did a wonderful job of producing. Just the little things in that track like there’s a string line which is in unison with my melody. There’s a glockenspiel in the chorus. It was all very Diana Ross and The Supremes, Motown kind of production values which we’d talked a little bit about. it’s nice. It’s a got a real Eastern feel to it now in the guitar solos and I think it’s quite exciting.”

Many of the keyboard synths would be removed from this final mix and the drumbeat would be replaced with a pattern more reminiscent of dance music as opposed to electronic. Similarly, strings would once again be inserted throughout the track, most notably during the sublime bridge, swelling and dramatic while recalling elements of the string section in Upside Down by Diana Ross. A pulsing bass line would also be evident during the final mix alongside an organ solo. Fisher would also include eastern style guitar riffs into the track to give it a more exotic and fuller sound. Jones similarly recollected on the evolution of the track, “It sort of popped up in the recording process, and it was a few people’s favourites within their companies, and Charles and the people that we were dealing with. I just didn’t know where it had come from. It’d come out of nowhere. But I did like the change that it took in the recording session with the Eastern feel, the guitar riffs and the intros. It was sort of a technical thing, and one of the bottom E string was actually tuned to a D.. um… I think accidentally. And it was actually sounded a little sitar-y like, and it worked.”

The influence of pop superstars and some of Hayes’ musical idols would be evident in the sound of Tears Of Pearls, with the artist attempting to create a track that could be performed live with theatricality. He describes further, “I always had an obsession with New-Wave and big pop stars and even though I didn’t listen to Duran Duran as a fan as a kid, when the 90’s happened, I started the 80’s obsession. I was a hipster retro-ist from the very beginning; I really missed the new wave era. I was into Michael, I wasn’t into Duran, I was into George Michael, I wasn’t into Morrisey So, I think there was definitely a camp theatrical nature to the whole movement that I didn’t experience and I mined very heavily I think as a style…I think Tears Of Pearls was a very definite and obvious attempt on our part to really be camp, be theatrical. Create this almost bourgeois sound.”

The inclusion of string instruments in many of the pair’s compositions would become one of the defining sounds of a Savage Garden production. Mine would be one of the first tracks in which Jones would include string arrangements to replace what were originally synths on the pair’s early demo. This transition from prominent synths to the sweeping and swirling strings that would be evident in the final mix brings further intensity to the composition. Jones elaborates, “I really enjoyed working with the strings. It was one of the first songs that I had sort of thought about doing a string arrangement, in some of the string breakdowns and what not. And I really, thoroughly enjoyed it… I really enjoyed bringing out… emotion within the stringed instrument world.” Besides the strings, the various percussive elements are another integral element that conjures the atmospheric composition. Between the deep bass and various drum effects, the pair place a delay on the instruments to form a unique contrast and interplay. Hayes elaborates, “You Could Be Mine is, it’s a song that’s really, musically, all about delay. It started off with a bass line and a drumbeat, which delayed, and subsequently every instrument just had to be delayed too… Every instrument is cycling through a delay in its own time, creating a swirling continuous swell that culminates in the instruments finally locking together.” Hayes lyrics detail an obsessive desire for the unattainable; a common lyrical theme that would appear on a number of the pair’s tracks and perfectly compliments Jones’ dramatic composition.

This element of a grand and theatrical sound would be evident on a number of tracks being worked on for the group’s debut album. Another such example is the kinetic, Carry On Dancing. The track is once again inspired by Hayes’ love with Anne Rices’ novel series, The Vampire Chronicles. Darren described the intended visual imagery of the track, “The scene is just before midnight … a full moon at a masquerade ball … avant-garde strings, timpani and even castanets create the gothic feel of the song, inspired by Anne Rice’s vampire chronicles. The feel is grandiose and theatrical.” Jones would fill the track with distinct synths that would carry the melody, while also recalling the dramatic tone of string arrangements. The prominence of keyboard throughout the track in conjunction with the clattering drum fills, would give the song a distinct electronic sound, noted by Hayes in the removed lyric, “It’s something more than a techno beat.” As the pair worked with Fisher in the studio, the track would see an expansion in sound as the synths were replaced with the luscious and sweeping string arrangements that would define the completed song. While there is a clear progression between the pair’s sparse demo and the vibrant mix created in the studio a year later, this isn’t so much an overhaul as an expansion and fulfilment of Jones’ creative vision with the resources of a professional studio. Daniel recollected on the evolution of the track, “Carry On Dancing…very grand, very avant-garde, very over-the-top. Expels a lot of Darren’s inner personality. I love the combination of strings and pianos. In the recording process, we managed to get some timpani samples and some castanets and what not, so we just tried to make this bigger than life.“ Darren similarly recollected on his thoughts hearing the completed mix, “I remember hearing the finished mix and it was bigger than I’d hoped it could get. It was just um it just feels so grandiose; I think that’s a good word for it. When I hear it, I see things like a masquerade ball in the 18th century and a werewolf or a vampire perhaps outside stalking the people inside.” Carry On Dancing would be an example of just how integral Hayes and Jones’ early demos would be in shaping the sound of what would become the grand completed tracks.

The electric pop classic, I Want You which would become a breakout single for Savage Garden would go through an extensive development before it’s completion and release. Beginning as an early demo entitled Today…A Bad Day, the pair would extract key elements from this early version as they created what would become the classic track. Hayes elaborates, “I Want You had so many different incarnations. I think it was a demo called Today…A Bad Day and there was just something in the sound of that demo that was worth keeping.” While the basic elements of the song were developed and recorded in quick succession, the track would be put on hold before resurfacing later in the sessions. Darren recollects, “It just seemed to happen. I remember coming back the next day in the little room out in the front and sort of singing it. It was really quickly written, to be honest. I mean, we… I think I sang this song 2 days before we flew to Sydney to record the record. And we had it on TDK tape, just on a TDK tape. And it was the least produced or finished demo that we had for this record and was, in fact, almost shelved. It was.. we tentatively put it up for selection, and it was politely looked at but sort of sat by the wayside. But by the time we recorded about 8 tracks, I guess we just slipped it in and somehow it was assumed that we’d record this one and it, it seemed to turn out really well.”

Hayes sings of waking from an erotic dream and the pursuit to replicate the feeling once again. He fills the lyrics with surreal metaphors and similes, intricate wordplay and eccentric thoughts behind the sound of a thumping beat. Darren elaborated on the writing process for the track, “It is a nonsensical song. It’s a song about a dream that I had and it’s a song that lyrically, really my voice is like a bass instrument in that song. It’s just stuttering along like a rhythm instrument and so the symbols will come first and the lyrics were something that I did pour through a thesaurus and I did look through my dictionary. I thought of as many colourful, fantastic adjectives and analogies that I could use to describe this thing.” Jones similarly recollects, “The original idea was very simple: to use the voice as a rhythm instrument — cramming in as many syllables as possible into one phrase.”

Hayes’ unique vocal delivery evident during the verses would not only add to the compelling instrumental but also give the track a distinctive personality. Jones elaborated on this further, “It was easier for Darren to sing the faster the tempo because he didn’t have to hold his breath so long which was quite ironic because it’s already a very fast vocally song… The fact that he was pushing it to go faster cos it made it easier for him, it’s all part of the particular magic of that song.” In contrast to the verses, the chorus is particularly simple but effortlessly catchy. Darren elaborates on how it developed, “I guess that idea for that chorus, it was really a background vocal, there was no lyric… that became a chorus. I remember being very precious about lyrics and very overly detailed. One of the brilliant things that Daniel does is he sees the forest for the trees and he just said to me “What about something really simple? Why don’t you just have a simple chorus?’ and that’s where the lyric I Want You came from.” One of the most compelling aspects of this chorus are the luscious vocal harmonies that create a perfect interplay with Hayes’ lead vocals, adding warmth to the already vibrant vocals. Jones elaborates, “The recording process really bought the song alive. The simple vocal in the chorus became a bed of 12 voices. Six of Darren’s and six of session singers that we sank very low in the mix to give the chorus the thick layer of vocals that you hear.” Darren continues, “I’m really proud of just the production value and I love the blend of the vocals. There’s about 12 vocals in the chorus, all double-tracked and harmonised. And the vocal in the verse is so fast and so intricate and it always seems to fascinate people, and I like it.”

The brilliant composition is just as eccentric and captivating as the lyrics, anchored by pounding bass, spacey synths, a clashing snare and a subtle but essential guitar riff. With Fisher at the helm as the track was nearing completion, it was clear that I Want You had great potential as a first single. Daniel recollected on hearing the completed mix in the studio, “When we played it in the studio in Melbourne after it had been mixed, we spent all day on the mix and they played it as loud as they could through the biggest system in the studio. It was that moment where you felt it and heard it and everything seemed to have all come together on that particular song. It was probably then, no one knew who we were at this point… I saw myself being able to perform to hundreds, thousands, if not tens of thousands of people at that particular time because of how powerful this song was from my point of view.” Not only would the track become one of Savage Garden’s most commercially successful songs and help launch them to stardom, but it’s also an example of how tracks would often evolve significantly during the creative process.

Another such example with a more radical shift as the song evolved is the funk-rock track, Break Me Shake Me. Similarly to I Want You, the song developed from a earlier demo entitled Stepping Stone with the songs’ lyrical content being inspired by a fight between Hayes and a close friend. He elaborates, “Nat is my friend I met in grade 3. She was a Madonna fan, I was a Michael Jackson fan and then through high school she used to look like Madonna. I was obsessed with vogue-ing so naturally we were just very close friends. She’s always been there for me and like all good friends, boy have we had fights. And Break Me Shake Me is about one of our fights.” The track would be revised with the lyrics re-written as Darren’s relationship with Nat evolved and no longer became relevant to the conflict expressed on Stepping Stone.

As Darren elaborates, “It was a song called Stepping Stone. And we reconciled after that song and we became friends and everything was fine, but the same sorts of things started to happen to our relationship and subsequently, the song had to be re- written. Because the first song didn’t describe the situation anymore. This is part two of that song. Um… and yeah, it’s schizophrenic. It really is quite crazy. I remember we started recording Stepping Stone and it just didn’t feel right and I started singing a different melody. I started singing the words “I never thought I’d change my opinion again” and Daniel said, “That’s a great melody,” and then we ended up re-writing the song.” It was clear as the track was beginning to take shape that the pair were expanding into a harder rock sound than what they had recorded previously.

A combination of clear inspiration and unadulterated self-expression would be essential in developing the sound of the song. Jones elaborates, “Break Me Shake me was inspired by a combination of the guitarist Steve Stevens who was Billy Idol’s guitarist and Michael Jackson. And I think at that time in our lives when we were writing, I came from 80’s rock music so I was all about 80’s rock, big hair, big guitar… Darren was very, very much into the Michael Jackson super-stardom of the 80’s. And I think when Darren and I were our true selves, Michael Jackson would come out of him and some 80’s rock guitarists would come out of me and thus Break Me Shake Me came out of it.” He continues, “I think I remember writing the bass line and then I remember looking at Darren and he’s doing these finger snaps like Michael Jackson… and the song just started to create itself.”

Between the irresistible bass line and finger snaps that open the track, and the slow build of various forms of percussion including tambourine, Break Me Shake Me is instantly captivating to the listener within the first couple of seconds. The verses are sparse, yet rich, with the composition perfectly complimenting Hayes’ sublime lead and background vocals as he sings with subtle conviction. All of this culminates to what is akin to a sonic explosion during the chorus with heavy guitar and thundering drums propelling Hayes’ intense vocal delivery. The combination of various contrasting guitar styles from the funky Prince-like guitar riff that enters during the second verse, to the hard-rock reminiscent riff that dominates the chorus, adds to this sparse yet layered composition.

Rex Goh would once again lend his talents, performing the aggressive guitar solo featured during the bridge. Darren elaborates, “When Rex Goh played the solo we were jumping out of our skins. Even though it goes all over the place we felt that the solo was perfect. It was a single take and was so angry we just had to keep it.” The pair would revisit this guitar orientated rock sound on other tracks produced during these sessions such as Love Can Move You. Break Me Shake Me demonstrates that there would not be a single genre that would define the sound of Savage Garden as the pair would pursue their own artistic compass and influences, wherever it would take them.

While eclecticism would be a integral aspect of the pair’s work as they bridged and combined a wealth of genres, Hayes would experiment with his own writing style and vocal effects on the magnificently camp, All Around Me. Being the principal lyricist, Darren would deviate from writing about his own personal experiences and look to Daniel for inspiration in writing this funky anomaly. He recollects, “Quirky, freaky, bizarre, fun. Initially it was my attempt, lyrically, to include an aspect of Daniel’s life in our music, Because I felt a bit selfish that I’d taken over certain themes and whatever, and Daniel has an obsession with Meg Ryan, but it’s a healthy one. He loves Meg Ryan very much. And in our little home studio there’s about 14 or 15 pictures of Meg…some of them wall-mounted. One of them from me as a gift to Daniel. And there’s a scene in a Meg Ryan film called “When a Man Loves a Woman” and she’s dancing. And she dances in a certain way and she says the words “stick-on tattoo.” And the way she says those words is the personality of this song. We wrote a song for Meg Ryan to dance to, and it’s all about being obsessed with Meg Ryan.”

Once again Hayes conjures a striking visual imagery with the lyrics complimented by an instrumental recorded by Jones at their home studio. Beginning with a flurry of screeching synths and a variety of drum patterns, the track continues to build an infectious groove propelled by the bass until the bridge, in which Hayes performs a brilliantly quirky rap with his voice pitched up. Darren discussed the inspiration for the eccentric performance, “It’s like being an actor. It’s like performing. It’s doing to your voice what a costume can do to your voice in a stage play. To be honest, really, the only effected part of this song is the rap. And it’s actually the speed of the vocal and it was a mistake. I was stuffing around with the vary speed dial on the multi-track recorder, and I realized that you could change the pitch of your voice. So I um pitched it up a notch, basically. Like it’s pretty close to the normal pitch of my voice, so there’s a hell of a lot of play-acting happening in that rap. Um and when it came back, it sounded like chipmunks on steroids. And I really liked it, so we kept it.”

Hayes would once again revisit this studio technique, on another track recorded during this era, the wonderful, I’ll Bet He Was Cool. As All Around Me continued to be fleshed out during the recording process, certain elements of the composition would be omitted or replaced, giving the track a greater polish and expansion with the inclusion of various instruments. One of the most notable contrasts is the replacement of the synth line carrying the melody with a funky loose guitar riff. The verses would be stripped back to just the infectious bass line, a slapping snare drum and Hayes’ exceptional vocal performance. The amalgamation of various genres and styles present on the track is a testament to the pair’s various influences. As Jones noted, “It’s a very bitty song. The song’s in bits and pieces, and it’s a little funky and a little disco and it’s…there’s hippie elements to the song as well. It’s like computerised hippies.”

This is one of the elements that would make Savage Garden’s output unique in comparison to many of the Australian acts producing music at the time. This exploration into various contrasting genres mixed with a little camp would be evident on tracks like All Around Me. As Daniel elaborates, “They’re songs very strong in melody and I think that you can look at the date that we were born and the music that we grew up listening to and you can see similar structures. I think the ’80s were a time very much like the ’60s in which there is a real focus on melody and I think that’s what we see in our songs but I think more than anything if I could have a career like a band like INXS or U2 because they manage to metamorphosize and change and they’re always relevant but they’re not repeating themselves. I think what we’re doing, this is pop music and by that I mean we’re taking the sum of our influences within pop culture and we react to them and then we make something. We don’t reproduce the past, we react to it and I think that’s what a band like U2 does and that’s what I think Savage Garden would like to do.”

One of the greatest assets of Savage Garden was Hayes’ exceptional and versatile vocal range. Between his sublime and cathartic falsetto and ability to provoke various emotions, it was clear that his exceptional song-writing skills were matched with indisputable vocal talent. This is demonstrated to full effect on the atmospheric ballad Universe. The song began as an instrumental demo developed by Jones based on a prominent guitar riff. He elaborates, “It actually started out… it sounded like Eric Clapton had met Joe Tetriani in a pub and said, “Let’s go home now and write a song.” When it first started, it was a guitar-based… groove. With some sort of, like a, lush sort of keyboards creeping in here and there.” As Hayes began writing lyrics for this early demo, the development of the track headed in a different direction as Darren’s love for RNB and Motown would have an influence on shaping the emerging song. He recalls, “Well, I heard it in a different way. I thought once again, like Moon And Back, I thought it was one of the strongest pieces of music that Daniel had written, at that stage; he’s since eclipsed himself. But at that stage, it really was, and I just had some ideas for a feel and the bass line subsequently changed. It became more Smokey Robinson, I guess. Um… to be honest, we’d been listening to That’s The Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson — I thought it was a fantastic, sexy slow groove and I really wanted to sing a sexy, slow song and that was Universe.”

As evident in the instrumental, which fused a drum beat reminiscent of American slow-jam RNB with the spacey and stark synth line, the pair’s various contrasting influences would help shape the composition. Jones elaborates, “Universe was a little bit of a “we aren’t 100% sure who we are so lets have a go at writing this RNB like, sultry, sexual beautiful song that you’d want to make love to.” And I think it was a little bit of Darren’s RNB flavor that he has and then it was probably fused with my English big –sweep synthesizers and kind of ambient seductive feel. It was really a song that was a bit of an experiment because we were trying to figure out who Savage Garden were at the time because it was undiscovered.”

The inspiration for Darren’s sublime and sensual vocal performance originated from the Motown artists he grew up listening to. Artists such as Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson and others would help shape Hayes’ vocal identity and the iconic falsetto that would become synonymous with the group. Hayes recollects, “When everyone else was listening to Duran Duran and Cyndi Lauper and new-wave pop, I was listening to Motown records. I was listening to Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, I was understanding who Smokey Robinson was. And I think that helped me develop a falsetto voice. A lot of the time I was imitating these artists and I couldn’t sing and I was a male and a lot of them were females or had high voices like Smokey Robinson, so I would just imitate them not understanding at all what I was doing and that was called falsetto…I just hit the notes, I didn’t understand how or why but that influence was ingrained in me and Universe was really the first time I let that stuff out. In my mind I guess I thought I was singing Sexual Healing or Tears Of A Clown or something. It was definitely an homage to or an unconscious release of those crooners that I listened to in the Motown era.”

While Fisher would be brought in to polish the track during the album sessions, engineer Mike Pela who had previously worked with artists such as Sade and Maxwell would also contribute to mixing the track alongside Tears Of Pearls. Pela would bring an international influence, enhancing the RNB and soul elements of the track. Darren notes, “It was finished and recorded and mixed by Chris Lord-Alge, and we really liked it. We were really happy with it. When we went to America, the Americans had an idea for it and they really wanted to see if they could change it. Um…and it was given to Mike Pela, who’s done a lot of work with Sade, Fine Young Cannibals, and when he came back with the finished track, it sounded like a Smokey Robinson song. It was really, really ironic that it would go that way.” It’s not hard to see why a song like Universe could have appeared quite easily alongside the RNB landscape that dominated the 90’s. Between the drumbeat and the infectious bass line, coupled with guitar riff embellishments, the composition is warm and a perfect companion to Hayes’ seductive vocal performance.

As the recording sessions were nearing completion and Savage Garden’s debut album was beginning to take shape, an impromptu trip to America would birth one of the key ballads that would feature on the record. The pair were originally planning to fly to London for the final mixing process however due to budget restrictions, this didn’t eventuate. As mixing was instead relocated to Australia, Hayes would use the money he had saved to take a trip to Los Angeles. A few days in Santa Monica would give Darren the inspiration to write the sublime ballad. Hayes recollects, “By the time we got to the end of the trip we were in Santa Monica for two days. Well I fell in love with it and I remember walking around the third street promenade and I went home and wrote these lyrics to this song.”

The feeling of alienation and isolation that came from being immersed in a foreign country and environment would form a central theme to the developing lyrics. Darren elaborated on the lyrical inspiration further, “It really was written about Santa Monica, about feeling so out of place in a new city but seeking comfort behind the mask of a telephone. We were just getting into the Internet and we found it interesting how in cyberspace you are only as interesting as your mind. You can be anything you want to be. So sitting in a cafe in Santa Monica on day, this strange thought came into being.”

While the verses detail an observational account of Santa Monica with references to coffee shops and skate boarders, Hayes also touches on the displacement of being an outsider as he contemplates and questions, “What am I doing here?” As evident on the lyrics featured in the chorus, he finds salvation in the fact that through cyberspace and Internet, he can control his own perception and image to seemingly fit into any situation.

Beauty so unavoidable Everywhere you turn It’s there I sit and wonder what am I doing here?

But on the telephone line I am anyone I am anything I want to be I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer And you wouldn’t know the difference Or would you?

Hayes discussed the meaning of the track further, “It’s funny because it, it’s, it really has captured for me just a sense of uncertainty we were feeling or I was feeling at the time of the record. It ties in… my American.. reaction and my experiences with America as a first-timer and for me, just hints at a little bit about the public mask that we’ve started to put on and how through the telephone or through my computer or on the internet I can hide behind something and I can be anything I want to be and you wouldn’t know the difference. And that’s that song.”

As Darren returned to Australia, he would bring the idea to Jones and the pair would develop the track further. Hayes elaborates, “We had finished recording the record, and I was walking along, and the, the pace of my walk probably set the tempo of the song. And the chorus came straight away. The chorus, melody and the lyric was there, I sang into the tape deck and I went back to Daniel and said, “Look, I’ve got this song. I think it’s really, really good,” and played it. Um… but I… there was no verse progression at all. And so Daniel played a progression and I started singing over that and it just came really easily.

The song would be recorded back in Australia and mixed by Daniel’s brother. The composition is warm yet also somewhat melancholic with an emphasis on keys and a subtle floating synth line present during the verses. The inclusion of various minor guitar riffs would add further depth to the composition. It was clear that the track was truly magical however it was not intended to be included on the final configuration of the album. This however, would change as the track listing was being finalised.

Interestingly, Savage Garden’s most successful track to come from their debut album would be recorded as the last song during these sessions. The iconic ballad Truly Madly Deeply evolved from an earlier demo entitled Magical Kisses recorded by the pair years earlier. The track was faster in tempo, brighter in composition and featured a different chorus. While the prominent keys that would define the ballad were evident on this early version, they would be accompanied by an assortment of flourishing synths that would eventually be removed as the song evolved. There’s a significant contrast in tone between Magical Kisses and what would become Truly Madly Deeply; somewhat a reflection of the pair’s circumstances at the time. Hayes recollected, “It’s strange, this one, because before we recorded the record, it was a very different song. It was faster, it had a completely different chorus. And during the process of recording the record, I guess we changed a lot. We’d been relocated to Sydney. We were there for 8 months. It was the first time either of us had really left our families. Um… we were living in a one-bedroom apartment, on each other’s case every day. It was quite a stressful situation, and it was the last song that we recorded for the record. And I think, we talk about this now, even though it’s a love song and it’s based on a very personal experience, it’s still a song about being homesick for us actually, just about the people that you love.”

While the pair saw potential in Magical Kisses, Jones had reservations about the heavy pop sound of the chorus. He elaborates, “One of those days when Darren and I relationship was being tested on a creative level. I remember kind of nearly begging with Darren to change the title of the song and to actually re-work and look at the chorus because for me at the time, it just didn’t sit right with the sound of what Savage Garden was becoming. We had this very pop song with a very pop chorus called Magical Kisses so it didn’t sit right for me and Darren, God bless him was understanding enough to re-work the chorus and he sat down and said, “what about this?”

A trip to a Sydney café would give Hayes the inspiration to re-write the chorus as he elaborates, “I remember I wrote the chorus in I think it’s called Bayswater Brasserie on Bayswater Road, Sydney… um over a cappuccino and we actually had a keyboard and everything set up on in the hotel and I went back and we sort of sang the song. And it just seemed right. And suddenly this song was a much more credible, believable song than Magical Kisses had ever been, and it was because it was from the heart.” As Darren presented this new poetic chorus to Jones, it was clear that this was the element needed to elevate Magical Kisses to something truly extraordinary. Jones wouldn’t be the only one to be instantly receptive to this re-write as Hayes recollects, “I wrote the melody in my head because it was a completely different chorus previously. I went into the studio the next day; I was recording my own vocals. Charles was in another room and I said “I’ve got this idea for that song, let me just try something.” Recorded it and I think he said immediately, “that’s a number one single.”

The composition would also see a significant overhaul, with the tempo being slowed down dramatically. Jones recollected on how this alteration occurred, “There was a day when Charles and I were just hanging around, not really doing much in the studio, and uh, we had this song, Tru — uh… Magical Kisses it was called and we wanted to play around with it a little bit. And we found a loop from some CD there and it was like really slow, and we were trying to put it to this track and it just wasn’t working. So we said, “Well, why don’t we slow the whole song down so it fits this loop?” And that was the way it sort of ended up getting, you know, half the speed that, that it started out with. And it was a bonus. It just came out of nowhere. A definite bonus.”

By the time Magical Kisses had evolved into Truly Madly Deeply the composition would be noticeably sparser, with focus on the keys and a prominent acoustic drum loop. Hayes would also add incredibly luscious vocal harmonies during the chorus, adding warmth to the already whimsical lyrics. Both Darren and Daniel would cite the track as being one of the strongest produced during the final weeks of this ten-month long recording session, and thus it would be highly considered for a place on the impending album. Darren elaborates, “It was intended to be a very quiet, down-key finish to the record. And that’s how we tried to produce it. And during the recording process, it just showed itself as a much stronger track, and uh… when we looked at the finished record, we realized it was probably one of the strongest tracks on there.”

If there’s one word to describe the body of work produced by the pair alongside Fisher, it’s eclecticism. The sheer scope of Jones’ musicality and Hayes’ lyrical depth on early demos and both album and non-album tracks alike, demonstrate clear ambition and no set of rules. Between the glitzy funk of Memories Are Designed To Fade and the harder rock sound of Love Can Move You, there’s an element of experimentation that exudes from these various efforts. Hayes would similarly explore lyrical themes relating to his struggle with sexual identity on the haunting B-Side to Truly Madly Deeply, This Side Of Me. Early demos such as Tell Me It’s Ok recall elements of Culture Club and In This Lifetime, industrial new-wave.

Another track worked on during these sessions that remained unreleased for many years is the soaring ballad, She. The song would go through a number of radical compositional revamps during it’s development. While a 1994 demo version of the track was released on the greatest hits compilation Savage Garden: The Singles in 2015, another vastly different demo of the song exists. The 1994 mix is more akin to a ballad, sparse and featuring only Hayes’ sublime vocals, distant strings and a piano, however, this alternate mix features percussion, a prominent synth bass line and an increased tempo. This change in melody is coupled with the addition of background vocals. While the lyrics are almost identical, the tone of each version is vastly different due to this significant contrast in composition.

Jones recollected on when the track was first written, “From memory I think we just sat down and literally wrote it together in my parents’ house in Brisbane. I remember my mother really liked the track, the innocence and raw beauty of it. It’s very pro-female song so I think a lot of girls will relate to how powerful it is for them. I think that was probably the biggest reason why my Mum really took to this particular song”. Hayes recollected on the lyrical inspiration for the track in a retrospective interview, “It’s a long time ago, but my recollection is I was writing about the relationship that I have, and continue to have, with the women in my life. From my Sister to my Mother and all the friends and the wonderful female relationships in my life. I know I’m indebted to these incredibly strong women who loved me and taught me what it was like to be strong and succeed in a world where you sometimes feel underestimated.”

The pair had recorded a wealth of tracks during this almost year long recording session and enough songs to fill more than one standard album. While some would appear as B-Sides on already released singles like I Want You and To The Moon And Back, the task at hand was to create a cohesive album. Santa Monica, which had appeared as a B-Side on the To The Moon And Back single, would be considered to appear on the forth-coming album. Hayes elaborates, “Santa Monica was intended to be a B-side, and we actually pushed a recorded track off this record to put this one on.” The enthusiasm of the record label would be a deciding factor in including the track on the pair’s debut album, despite the fact that it had already been released on the single. Darren continues, “This track appeared as a bonus track on the “To The Moon & Back” single. When we released “Moon” we felt that the song had more potential than we had at first thought. Then when we went to America, the record company fell in love with the track.”

As the track-list was decided, the final configuration of the album would include an eclectic and healthy blend of various different styles and genres. From the RNB reminiscent ballad Universe to the hard-rock explosion of Break Me Shake Me, the pair’s various different musical influences would be reflected in their debut effort. Fisher discussed his intention with the sound of Savage Garden’s eponymous debut album, “I wanted to just combine influences from the 70’s, the 80’s, the 90’s. I just wanted the entire sound to have so many different influences that it became undefinable (sic).”

Fisher would also add some final touches to the completed mixes, adding various little elements to sweeten the compositions. Darren recollects, “Charles baby-sits the record when you leave. He spent two weeks tweaking it. We came back into the mix and there were little glockenspiels and there were string sections in there and just tiny little pad bits that he had added at the end. Um…which just… they were like the seasoning, you know, on the meal. It just really…touched it off really nicely.” Hayes discussed how instrumental Fisher was in also guiding the pair in producing and taking ownership of their work, “I think we went into this record waiting for people to just turn it into a great record. We had the songs. Tell me where to sing, tell Daniel what to play, we’ll do it. It was slow process, and what it did, it taught us to take responsibility. More than anything, I think Charles taught us to make it our record, without taking anything away from Charles. He made us sit down and make decisions and be responsible for what was on tape. Um…taught me a lot about the physical nature of recording, about using equipment, um introduced us to the sampler, suggests little… little sections in songs, which you don’t think are that important, but in the end, actually really top off the song.”

The track listing would differ between the original Australian edition of the album and the various international versions. Promises would be another track that would originate from the demos recorded in 1995. The song would go through an evolution in sound and structure with Fisher suggesting to transform the outro into what would become the bridge. Hayes did not particularly favour the song and was hesitant in including the song on the international version of Savage Garden. However, due to pressure from the US label, the song would ultimately be included and All Around Me and Mine would be removed from the American release.

Other songs would be reshuffled with the chart-topping hits I Want You and Truly Madly Deeply being moved to Side A on the international configuration. Hayes discussed his preference for the flow of the original order and how it exemplified the build up of strings that would feature on the album, ”I love the track listing of the Australian album. It’s actually different to the rest of the world. To me, it starts off with To The Moon And Back and we hear the strings and Carry On Dancing comes in at full force, and Pearls carries it along. It’s again, we hear the strings section.” Not only would the track listing differ but some songs would feature a different mix. Most notably, Truly Madly Deeply would undergo a change in sound with the acoustic drums being replaced with a more commercial dance-influenced beat. The distinct keys on the original track would be lowered and instead an organ would take prominence. The guitar riff would also be more evident during the chorus on this new mix. While the original ballad was certainly accessible and had all the elements to be a significant hit, this international version seems to be mixed for a greater commercial appeal.

Savage Garden’s debut self-titled album would be released on the 4th of March 1997 in Australia and international territories the following year. To call the album a commercial success would be a vast understatement. Boosted by the success of singles, I Want You and To The Moon And Back, the album would stay at the peak of the Australian charts for 19 weeks. The success would not only be domestic, as the album would attain significant sales internationally. Truly Madly Deeply would top the single charts in the US and the pair would be launched into superstardom by the summer of 1998. Savage Garden would also attain unprecedented critical success in Australia, grasping 10 Aria Awards in 1997, a record that stands unbeaten today.

While Savage Garden will always be regarded for their iconic hits that defined Australian and international pop music in the late 1990’s, their greatest work lies beyond the numerous chart toppers. The collaborative relationship between the pair, anchored by Hayes’ sublime lyricism and Jones’ talented musicality would be instrumental in creating the exciting material that would appear throughout their discography, reflected on both their debut album and their second and final album, Affirmation.

I’m sure most artists say this, but my favourite songs are not the hits. I’m grateful for them, but I love songs like “Break Me Shake Me,” “Crash and Burn,” “Two Beds and a Coffee Machine” or “All Around Me.” [Those] are by far more my cup of tea. You can never tell which songs will be hits, but we made 95 percent uptempo electronic pop music, yet we’re most famous for those two ballads. — Darren Hayes

I think that I could survive on song-writing and live performance only in all what happens within this business and that’s from videos, the photo-shoots, the press, whatever, I mean, if I could just have that hour up on stage and then a few hours during the day to write a song to get up on that stage, I’d be happy. That’s all I need. — Daniel Jones

#Savage Garden #darren hayes #daniel jones

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kumkaniudaku · 6 years

Text

Chop, Chop!

A/N: This is for @alltheestars. Thank you for the request. I did a little CoCo and Chad throwback. I hope you like it!

Warnings: None. Just fluff.

Chadwick Boseman x Black! Female Reader (Chad & CoCo AU)

If there was one thing you took pride in, it was your hair.

In primary school, your mother would decorate your luscious pigtails with ribbons of every hue, being sure to match them to your school uniforms per your request. When other little girls would come home with unruly manes after a long day of playing, you returned with every strand neatly in place, almost identical to the way you had left the house.

By middle school, you had transitioned from the elementary hairstyles orchestrated by your mother to the beautiful press and curls from Ms. Gina, the family beautician. Your father would happily spend the $80 a week to make sure that you and your mother were well taken care of on Saturday mornings. Ms. Gina would take your virgin hair and wash it, grease it and press it to your specific instructions. Even when she’d bump the ends a little too much and leave you as a shoe in for a role asJames Brown, you marveled at how grown up you looked.

In high school, you took over the reigns and began crafting your own hairstyles. The ability to quickly transition from a flat press to a ponytail and back to a french roll gave you a liberating sense of freedom. When you were awarded ‘Best Hair’ as your senior superlative, you carried the title with pride.

College held more of the same. It was at Howard University that you were introduced to Aaliyah and her iconic swoop bang. There wasn’t a day that went by that your hair was not carefully parted on the left side with a thick bang covering your left eye. You figured that, if you couldn’t mimic her singing ability, you’d at least take her personal style for a spin.

Chadwick would often tease you by blasting her music whenever you’d visit his off campus house and beg you to do the dance moves in his living room. As much as you’d deny it, you loved being the center of his attention, even if he was picking on you.

With all of your previous hair triumphs, when your roommate Lynn needed a practice dummy to test her beauty skills, you were all for it. A simple color job inspired by Janet Jackson’s Velvet Rope era was the deal but, soon you found yourself with a snug processing cap over your head and the stinging of a box perm burning tears into your eyes.

“Lynn, this shit burns! Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Yeah! My cousin Monica perms and colors her hair all the time! What’s the matter? You never had a perm before?”

You hadn’t. You’d always beg for one but your mother made sure you knew that everything a perm could do, a hot comb or flat iron could do just as well.

Your lack of knowledge and eagerness to change up your look seemed to be harmless at first. The subtle scarlet color was the perfect complement to your brown skin and came with the just the right amount of sheen. The perm left your hair so silky and smooth that you didn’t even mind the slight loss of volume.

“Lynn, I could kiss you in the mouth!” You exclaimed while executing a small spin to see your hair move behind you.

“I’ll pass. Save that for your revolutionary little boyfriend. Now come here, your roots are still puffy at your crown.”

What you didn’t expect from your little experiment was the handful of hair that left your scalp and clung to the flat iron. One handful turned into three and those three turned into breakage all around your head.

“What did you do to my hair!”

“All I did was a little bleach and color with the perm.”

“BLEACH!”

It was too late. No matter how much you tried to fix it, the damage was done. In a matter of hours you’d managed to trade in your healthy hair for a broken, brittle mess. Distraught and hopeless, you knew what needed to be done.

The next morning, with tears in your eyes, you watched a local hairdresser trim your hair to the root, only leaving a curly skeleton of what you use to hold so dear. When she was done, she handed you a tiny list of product suggestions and a little advice before pushing you out of the doors into the DC streets.

Maneuvering around campus proved to be the most daunting task. You’d grown to be a bit of a socialite, forcing you to avoid the three c’s: conversations, club meetings and Chadwick.

Through careful planning, the first two were easy but, Chad was hard to shake. After three days of no communication, he left a note in your work study office practically threatening you to stop by his house at the end of the day.

“CoCo, don’t make me come find you. I’ll be home at 6. Come by.”

Reluctantly, you trudged down the hill carefully covering your head with the hood of your Howard basketball pullover and a hat for added protection. It was foolish to think that the ever inquisitive and observant Chadwick Boseman would not immediately notice your odd attire but, it was worth a try.

Stepping to the front door, you quietly prayed that Chad was caught up in class or too busy working on a script to answer so that you could say that you tried and scurry back home. Instead, the weathered door swung open to reveal your shirtless best friend with a guitar in his hand and a confused look on his face.

“It’s 75 degrees out. Why do you have on that sweatshirt?”

“Is that how you greet people now? No, ‘Hey, how are you?’, just questions? What if I did that to you?”

“Well...you kind of just did.”

Pushing him aside, you marched through the house and into his bedroom hoping that your petty argument would dead the inquiries. It wasn’t long before you were flopping across his bed and staring at the ceiling to fight back tears.

“So, you gon’ tell me what’s going on with the hood? You pledging Que and hiding a bald head under there?”

He was joking but your uneasy laugh and averted gaze alerted him to a larger problem. Hesitantly, you allowed him to lay in the space beside you to remove your hood and hat.

“This is...new.” Chadwick responded after carefully choosing his words. His fingers lightly caressed the top of your head, stopping briefly to fiddle with a ringlet at your crown. “Are you really pledging Que? Should I get balloons? I know you’re the tre because Tim and Eric are short as hell.”

“Ha ha, Chad. You’re so funny.” The tears you’d been trying to hold in slipped past your closed eyes and rolled down your cheeks.

“Woah woah, CoCo. Don’t cry. What’s wrong? How can I fix it?”

“You can’t fix it, Aaron!” You hadn’t intended to yell at him but the frustration of the last few days was starting to catch up to you. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. This isn’t your fault.”

Enveloped in comfortable silence, Chadwick examined your face. Usually you’d tell him to take a picture so that it would last longer but now, with your eyes closed, he could take as much time as he wanted.

“If it helps, I think you look amazing.”

He watched you slowly open your eyes and scrunch your nose at his statement. “Yeah, right. I look like a dark-skinned DeBarge.”

“Yeah but, you can’t sing.” His boisterous laughter managed to pull a laugh from you until your stomach was hurting from the force. “But seriously, you look fine. It suits your face. I can finally see your eyes without that bang in the way.”

“You told me you thought it was fly!”

“It was! But, I like this one too. I like whatever to do with your hair and stuff. You make all of it look good.”

A familiar set of butterflies fluttered in your abdomen at his kind words and the feel of his hand returning to rub your head. How was he able to make you feel so beautiful with just a few words? He could’ve repeated that same line to every girl on campus but, in this moment, you felt like the luckiest woman in the world.

“So I don’t look like a low budget Missy Elliot?”

“Actually, that’s probably the best comparison.” He laughed. “Look at it this way though; we can go get haircuts together.”

“Haircuts? You been on this Basquiat journey for a while now. Would you really go get a haircut with me?”

Running his hands through his ‘fro, he gave the thought of a haircut serious consideration. He’d spent a lot of time growing his hair out to achieve the locs that were sprouting from his scalp. Not only did they fit his image but they’d received a lot of attention from the other women on campus. Was he really willing to get rid of them for you?

“Give me three weeks. If you still want to maintain the haircut by then, I’ll go with you.”

“Really!” You squealed, pressing your body into his bare chest. He never had the chance to keep you close before you hopped of the bed and danced around the small room.

Grabbing his guitar, he began strumming background music to your solo party.

“CoCo’s big ass head just got bigger…” He sang, a broad smile contrasting your straight-faced expression. “I’m messing with you!”

Rolling your eyes, you drug yourself back to the bed to sit beside him and lay your head against his shoulder. “Thanks, Chad. I needed this.”

“Anytime, CoCo. I got you no matter what.” His eyes found yours again in the tender moment, sharing a sweet smile with you.

“Your head is still big though. You look like Michael Jordan with hair. I mean gah damn!”

_____________________

FOREVER TAGS: @njadont @k-michaelis @wakandanmoonchild @idilly @texasbama @afraiddreamingandloving @inxan-ity @daytimeheroicsonly @thiccdaddy-mbaku @onyour-right @briannabreeze @sisterwifeudaku @ironsquad @killmongerdispussy @90sinspiredgirl @killmongersaidheyauntie @willowtree77785901 @maynardqueen101 @heyauntieeee @halfrican-heat @purple-apricots @lalapalooza718 @blue-ishx @profilia

#chadwick boseman #black panther fan fiction #chadwick boseman fan fiction #chadwick boseman imagine #chadwick x reader #chadwick boseman x you #black panther fics #black panther fanfiction #black panther

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tywvin-archive · 6 years

Photo

below the cut are various tags i was tagged in!

rules: repost and answer the 20 questions and tag 20 people you want to get to know better

i was tagged by @rcbbstark tysm franzi!! <33

tagging: @lilttlebird @gabannas @leejordan @lesbianathene @helenstroy @zenik @thisbes @lokiofasgcrd @sirius

NICKNAMES: john, leni, lennister, ele

HEIGHT: 5′3″? 5′4″? i’m short you get the idea

ORIENTATION: bi

FAVOURITE FRUIT: apples or granadines i’m so basic ik

FAVOURITE SEASON: winter!!!!

FAVOURITE FLOWERS: poppies, carnations, sunflowers, and dandelions (are those even flowers?)

FAVOURITE SCENT: rain, lavender, the sea, new books, new stationery

FAVOURITE COLOUR: dark green and navy blue! and pastels

FAVOURITE ANIMALS: it used to be dolphins but i guess it’s cats now. i also really like horses and bulls for some reason? and lions because lannisters, you know

COFFEE, TEA OR HOT CHOCOLATE: all three? i can’t choose tea

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: it ranges from 0 to ~5 to 11, it’s either one of those three, no in between

CAT OR DOG PERSON: cat

FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: tywin lannister + brienne of tarth + jorah mormont + leia organa + han solo + indiana jones + asha the iskari + torwin + inej ghafa + kaz brekker + jesper fahey + bilbo baggins + sherlock holmes + many more but i’ll make it way too long

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: one in summer and 2+ in winter

DREAM TRIP: greek islands, japan, route 66, south america

BLOG CREATED: march/april 2018!

# OF FOLLOWERS: 1.5k

RANDOM FACT: i can’t stand william shakespeare even though i have to admit (painfully so) that he is an absolutely amazing writer

i was tagged by @ladymargeary thanks! <3

tagging: @casterlys @polydeuce @barbara-minerva @okoie @dracoluciusmalfoys @maiaroberts

name - john

star sign - capricorn

height - 162cm? 163cm? idk anymore

put your library on shuffle; what are the first 4 songs that came up?

hot n cold - the baseballs

no more lonely nights - paul mccartney

jailhouse rock - elvis presley

red balloon - never shout never

grab the book nearest you and turn to pg 23, what’s on Line 17? a moment before, she had seemed to need counselling from me

ever had a poem or song written about you? i wanna say yes because i think so but i can’t remember so nope i guess

when was the last time you played Air Guitar? i don’t usually play air guitar so, months ago

who is your celebrity crush? elvis presley

what are 1) a sound you hate, and 2) a sound you love

forks scratching on a plate

storms

do you believe in ghosts? kinda?

how about aliens? ABSOLUTELY

do you drive? not yet

if so, have you ever crashed? nope

what was the last book you read? i’m currently reading the last namsara by kristen ciccarelli the last one i read was utter crap so i’m not even listing it

do you like the smell of gasoline? hell yes

what was the last movie you watched? get out

what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? i had a serious illness when i was little but i think that doesn’t count as an injury so, i guess that time i bumped my head into concrete floors and almost passed out i fainted so hard i started trying to solve equations in my head to see if something had gone wrong. idk why? i’m horrible at math, there are other times but not really feeling like mentioning them

do you have any obsessions rn? s t a t i o n e r y & organization

do you tend to hold grudges against people who’ve done you wrong? whoops yeah

In a relationship? mentally? yes. physically? hells no, keep them away from me

tagged by @rcbbstark & @nancynwheeler! thank you <3

rules: we’re snooping on your playlist. set your entire music library on shuffle and report the first 10 songs that pop up. then choose 10 victims!

save us - paul mccartney

don’t stop me now - queen

black hole (liar liar) - never shout never

say say say - paul mccartney ft michael jackson

talking in your sleep - the romantics

twenty flight rock - eddie cochran

i need a dollar - aloe blacc

mine - bazzi

chasing pavements - adele

dancing in the street - martha reeves & the vandellas

tagging: @leiaaorgana @murmuroftheland @polaroids @sirius @kazrietveld @shcdebarrow @dovageidys @hwppers @aragohn @peterparkarr

my top 5 ships!

tagged by: @daeneryn tysm <3

television:

1. jaime & brienne (got)

2. jorah & daenerys (got)

3. cersei & the iron throne (got)

4. jake & amy (b99)

5. emily & sylvia (the handmaid’s tale)

+ sherlock & watson from the bbc series

books:

1. achilles x patroclus (tsoa)

2. ari & dante (aaddtsotu)

3. jesper & wylan (soc)

4. sherlock & watson (conan-doyle)

5. asha & torwin (iskari)

superheroes:

1. steve & tony (marvel)

2. steve & diana (wonder woman)

3. steve & loki (marvel) liza told me about this ship and... wow i love it

4. wade & vanessa

5. wade & colossus

disney:

1. mulan & li shang (mulan)

2. moana & the sea (moana)

3. tiana & naveen (tiana)

4. ariel & moana (i really want gay mermaids okay)

5. mufasa & sarabi (the lion king)

tagging: whoever feels like doing it!

rules: answer 20 questions so your followers can get to know you better, and tag 20 other people you’d like to know better.

I was tagged by @marttell, thanks feli! <3

name: john

nicknames: answered above

zodiac sign: answered above

height: answered above

languages spoken: spanish, english, and a tiny bit of portuguese

nationality: spanish

favorite fruit: answered above

favorite season: answered above

favorite scent: answered above

favorite color: i’ve already answered this 34649846 times so! have some palettes (just like feli did bc i’m an unoriginal bitch)

favorite animal: answered above

favorite fictional character: answered above

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: answered above

number of blankets you sleep with: answered above

when your blog was created: answered above

favorite subject: greek! oh i love greek damn

currently watching: i’ll probably start some new shows! but idk which ones yet

favorite band: the beatles

instruments played: i could play a bit of guitar but i think i’ve forgotten everything i knew

favorite book: The Song Of Achilles - Madeline Miller

I’m tagging: whoever wants to do this!

#🏷: tag games

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prime-one-blog · 7 years

Text

12 Takeaways From Michael Jackson’s Thriller

(DISCLAIMER:This is a bit of a read.If you enjoy reading and music,I think you’ll like this.)

1982 was a year in music where a telephone number could function as a catchy rock song chorus (Tommy Tutone's "867-5309/Jenny"),where continents could get mad love or representation via Billboard-worthy singles (Toto's "Africa" and Men At Work's "Down Under"),and where "the number of the beast" was less a harbinger of earth's impending apocalypse and more a heavy metal masterwork (Iron Maiden's album and song of the same name.) It was a year that announced the arrival and breaking through of two artists that,together with Michael Jackson,would form the trinity of Eighties musical titans (Madonna and Prince,respectively.) As a rapper,it would be shameful if I didn't mention that 1982 was also a year where hip-hop was given a good,hard,from-behind shove into the mainstream courtesy of Grandmaster Flash And The Furious Five's seven-minute long rap treatise of ghetto life that was "The Message" and Afrika Bambaataa And The Soul Sonic Force's Kraftwerk-inspired piece of rap/electro bliss that was "Planet Rock." (The latter song also spawned the freestyle subgenre of electronic music due to its Roland TR-808 generated drum track that became freestyle's default rhythm setting.)

With 1982 having already served up more than a generous helping of killer tunes (enough to make for an extensive and excellent playlist in today's terms),a nice portion of tasty albums (Roxy Music's Avalon,Duran Duran's Rio,and the aforementioned Iron Maiden offering of Number Of The Beast,to name a few),and a few watershed moments for burgeoning styles of music,it was only appropriate that the King Of Pop enter into the arena and throw his hat in the ring.On November 30th of that year,Thriller was released and the album would go on to not only be a monster smash but a game-changer in the music industry.

As a kindergarten-age pup at the time of Thriller's release,I had no awareness or understanding of the significance of that moment in recorded music history.My concerns were not of the transpirations within pop music as they were with having fun with die-cast dinky cars.Fortunately,given that Thriller was a mammoth pop record and there was some adroit promotion of it,it was still scorching hot product nearly two years after its coming-out and,as such,ties into a few of my childhood memories that were made when the buzz about Thriller was at its loudest.After undergoing the lengthy transition from being a young boy who enjoyed looking through his father's collection of 45-rpm vinyl records and playing around with a Casio keyboard to a grown adult that had a fiery passion for music and who immersed himself in the making of it,Thriller became more than just something I listened to for pleasure and entertainment.Having become cognizant of how big Thriller was in terms of sales,production,impact on popular culture,and influence on future music acts,the album was an object of thorough and serious study as it provided me with valuable education on how to make great music.

All that aside,it's mind blowing that three-and-a-half decades have elapsed since Michael Jackson dropped the highest selling album of all-time on the world like a large nuclear warhead.On the anniversary of its release,I offer my twelve takeaways from what I deem to be the GOAT of all albums.

12."BRUUUUUCE!"

Rarely,if ever,does a major-label recording artist or band make an album completely on their own.Looking at the personnel listing of Thriller,Michael Jackson had a small army of talented musicians to help him make the record.Among all of the names were three men whom-along with Jackson-formed an indomitable foursome.There was super-producer Quincy Jones (whom I'll get to later on),British songwriter extraordinaire Rod Temperton,and Bruce Swedien.

The mention of "Bruce Swedien" to your average Joe (or JoAnne) would probably get a "who's that?" in reply.If they ever saw him,they might think Swedien played in the movie Cocoon and did commercials for Quaker Oats and Liberty Medical (diabeetis!) In the music producer community,however,Swedien is something of an engineering O.G.that has probably forgotten more about recording and mixing than most people would ever come to know.When the man speaks,you listen because you might damn well end up learning something that will make you a better producer.But I digress.

Thriller was an ambitious project.Included within its lofty goals was-in Quincy Jones' words-to "save the music industry" and for the album to represent the gold standard of sound and production.With production credentials dating all the way back to Count Freakin' Basie,Swedien's experience and expertise made him the right man for a big job.And,boy,did Swedien ever deliver as the production value on Thriller is quite high.The uptempo tracks on the album have a Sugar Ray Leonard-type punch to them and it's that punch which makes them exciting and exuberant pieces of pop music.There's a clarity of elements in every cut off Thriller and good use of the stereo panorama where Michael Jackson's vocals are almost hugged by the backing instrumentation in a way that isn't suffocating.And something should be said about the convergence of Hollywood and pop music via the creepy and cinematic sound effects on Thriller's titular track.In short,Thriller is a fine example of what a pop record should sound like but rarely,if ever,does nowadays with loudness being prioritized over the preservation of dynamic range or the maintenance of good mixing work. Though the time that Thriller was made and vinyl records still being an absolutely necessary medium of music distribution played a large role in the album's production quality,Swedien's work enabled the record to hold up nicely against those of the future that would be combatants in "the loudness wars." It's pretty safe to say that Thriller might very well not be the album it is or possess the sound that it does without Bruce Swedien's miking and mixing prowess.That said,we should all give him the props that he deserves.

11.Getting sued sucks.But sometimes it isn't always so bad.

I know,it's easy to say when you've never been litigated against.I'm sure that no one in human history that has been made a defendant in a legal matter was overjoyed by the possibility of having to fork over some coin due to some allegation of negligence or infringement.That includes Michael Jackson,who was made subject to a lawsuit by Cameroonian artist Manu Dibango for the use of "mama say,mama sa,ma ma coosa" in "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'."

One can't fault Dibango for filing suit against Jackson.After all,recording artists tend to get anal if one of their contemporaries pilfer or appropriate material that was borne from their creativity without so much as a request for permission of use and pursue legal action in response.Though Jackson had to compensate Dibango with more than just a few Cameroonian francs in an out-of-court settlement,it was more of a gain than a loss.For starters,the moolah that Jackson gave Dibango was a drop in the bucket to the haul that Jackson would eventually receive from sales of Thriller.It was not a bank-breaker for Jackson by any means.If anything,it was an investment into what has to be the best part of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'." Though there may not be a direct connection between the song's subject matter and the "mama say,mama sa,ma ma coosa" which is repeated several times near the song's ending,it's easy to overlook.This is mainly due to the fact that it's so damn catchy.If the chorus hook with its "yeah,yeah" doesn't embed the song in your grey matter for some time after hearing it,the inclusion of the "Soul Makossa" chant is insurance that it will.It's triumphant,joyous,and it's a stroke of genius that isn't restricted to achieving maximum catchiness to the song.In the something-for-everybody approach that Thriller seemed to take premeditatively,the borrowing of "Soul Makossa" for its opening jam infused a world music flavor-specifically of the West African variety-into a Western pop song and it may also be a young black artist's musical acknowledgement of his mother continent.That said,it was worth every franc that Jackson doled out.

10.Eddie Van Halen was a bowse.

Before 1978,there was no shortage of guitarists that axe enthusiasts could revere or be influenced by.Page,Clapton,Blackmore,Iommi,Hendrix,Richards,Gilmour,and Beck were just a few names within the pantheon of string-plucking deities.Then along came a Dutch guy with a bad ass last name whose incendiary and almost futuristic guitar playing put him atop Olympus.Edward Van Halen was on a whole 'nother level and no one,save for the equally gifted Randy Rhoads (Ozzy Osborne's guitarist),was in the same tier.Sadly,Rhoads' young life was cut short in a March 1982 plane crash and his death left Van Halen alone at the top.Michael Jackson and Quincy Jones needed a guitar solo for the pop-rock combo of "Beat It" and "VH" was the most logical guy to go to first.

Right from the get-go,Van Halen was in bowse mode.He hung up the phone on Quincy Jones assuming that it was a prank call.Then he defied the "no doing anything outside of the band" rule that he and his Van Halen bandmates had by going down to Westlake Studios in L.A. and contributing to "Beat It." Then he set one of the monitor speakers in the studio's control room on fire in the process of laying down a seventeen-bar guitar solo for the ages that he didn't even ask a dime for! However,the bowse didn't stop there.When his Van Halen mates found out about their guitarist's breaking of band rules and told him that he was foolish for doing pro bono work on someone else's project,Eddie fluffed it off and stated that he knew what he was doing and he wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to.

Behind the dazzling and superhuman guitar shredding is a real dude that does whatever the hell he wants and doesn't care.Bowse.

9."The Girl Is Mine" was a significant moment in music history.

Perhaps rightfully so to an extent,"The Girl Is Mine" deserved the flak that it got from music critics.Though not a terrible piece of music,it likely was a wasting of potential that a Paul McCartney-Michael Jackson duet could have otherwise yielded and it does require a suspension of disbelief to listen to (although that potential ended up being better met the following year on McCartney's "Say Say Say.") Two guys fighting over a girl often get violent with each other and don't use words like "doggone" in their exchange (maybe "goddamn" but not "doggone.") Furthermore,if you're going to make a song based upon that concept,it's better to give it the crunchy,heavy,aggressive,and hard-edged sound of "Beat It" than it is to make it an ultra-sugary soft rock number.Nonetheless,it was a hit and probably so because it was aimed squarely at the older crowd,many whom indubitably met ex-Beatle McCartney and his fellow invaders from the British Isles with anything but resistance and rancor.

When you look beyond the saccharine character of "The Girl Is Mine" and examine the whole of the song,the significance of it becomes more visible.Macca and MJ teaming up to do a song was not only significant in that it was a pairing of legends on the same track but that it was a symbolic "coming together" (Beatle pun intended) of two major pieces of twentieth century music history:The British Invasion and Motown.

8.If it wasn't for Peggy Lipton...

Let's first establish who Peggy Lipton is before I proceed.Lipton is an actress who's perhaps best known for serving up coffee and cherry pie as Norma Jennings on the iconic television series Twin Peaks.At the time of Thriller,Lipton was Quincy Jones' wifey-poo and,as such,her lingerie and Hollywood connections would result in her making a contribution to parts of the album.

Yes,Peggy Lipton's intimate wear did indeed contribute to Thriller.Jones noticed that the lingerie said "pretty young things" on them which,in turn,caused a light bulb to appear over his head.His spouse inadvertently gave him at the very least a title to a song that could go on a Michael Jackson album and eventually did with the James Ingram-penned "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)." Aside from being a bouncy,relatively funky tune that perhaps gave a passing nod to the electro genre that was gaining steam at the time (with its vocoder elements),"P.Y.T." exists as a musical testament to artistic inspiration sometimes coming from the most unlikely or unexpected things.

Probably of more importance than her lingerie being the origin of "P.Y.T." was Lipton's role in having a big-named movie star do a feature on "Thriller." The song was already a danceable number that,at its surface,seemed like a celebration of the scary and horrific but there was something missing:A chilling spoken-word rap that gradually brought the song to its conclusion.Quincy Jones could envision horror-flick legend Vincent Price reciting this rap and Lipton did her part in making that a reality.Nowhere does Lipton's name show up on the Thriller personnel listing or in the songwriting credits but she helped in more than a small capacity,whether she intended to or not.

Speaking of Price...

7.Vincent Price sorta got shafted.

One would think that Price's evil,reverb-drenched laughter at the end of "Thriller" alone would have had the ducats coming into his estate even now never mind the rest of his masterful recitation of Rod Temperton's Edgar Allan Poe-like spoken-word rap.Nope.Michael Jackson and Quincy Jones paid a rather low "price" for Vincent's feature on "Thriller." $1,000 was what it cost to get the horror film star to be at his most creepy over top haunting and ominous pipe organ chords that have "Baroque period" written all over them.Obviously,the one-off deal was great for Jackson because he got a Hollywood icon on his record for cheap.The deal worked the other way around for Price whom,after seeing "Thriller" blow up the way it did,got salty about getting a measly grand for his feature.He attempted to reach out to Jackson with the intentions of appealing for a more generous compensation and was ignored.

On one hand,Price had no right to seek out more money for his cameo on "Thriller." After all,if he wanted a handsome sum of dolla,dolla bills,he could have used his celebrity and legacy to negotiate something with Jackson and Jones that was fair for all parties instead of agreeing to a one-off that would put only ten "benjamins" in his pocket.Price made the regrettable mistake of undervaluing his own talent and,rather than let it be a live-and-learn experience,he wanted to renegotiate a done deal.

However,it's hard to be devoid of sympathy for Price.He put down perhaps the most epic poetry reading ever through his magnificent voice-acting and gave "Thriller" the piece it needed to complete its spooky picture.The fact that neither Jackson or Jones revisited their deal with Price when the song had proven to be a hit and offered him more on the basis of it being the morally right thing to do was something of a douchebag move.It certainly wasn't one of Jackson's or Jones' shining moments,to say the least.

6.It's a good thing that Quincy Jones let one particular demo casette play.

Toto guitarist Steve Lukather,drummer Jeff Porcaro,and keyboardists David Paich and Steve Porcaro were making contributions to Thriller while concurrently working on their own band's 1982 project Toto IV.En route to the recording studio,Steve Porcaro had gone to visit his young daughter that had been living with his "baby mama." After arriving,he'd been informed about his little girl's terrible day at school,one that saw her being pushed off a slide by a boy.When asked by his daughter "why" this boy would do that to her,Porcaro told her that the boy probably liked her and that it was "human nature." In trying to explain to the best of his ability to his emotional young child why a boy could be so mean to her,it inspired Porcaro to later come up with a song called "Human Nature." He recorded a demo of the song on a casette tape.

David Paich was working on some keyboard grooves for Quincy Jones in this time frame.Knowing that Jones' assistant was going to stop by,Paich asked Porcaro-whom was staying at Paich's house-if he could make a casette with what Paich had been working on for Jones.Realizing that they had run out of tapes,Porcaro recorded Paich's material on the A-side of the casette that he had put the "Human Nature" demo on and eventually gave it to Jones' assistant.Jones was listening to Paich's grooves and ended up becoming preoccupied with something in his office,which allowed the A-side to play all the way through and for the auto-reverse feature on Jones' casette player to run the B-side of the tape.Porcaro's demo caught Jones' attention and he asked Porcaro if "Human Nature" could be used on Thriller.After being given the green light from Porcaro,Jones enlisted songwriter John Bettis to replace Porcaro's original lyrics as Jones wasn't too keen on them (save for the "why,why" and "tell them that it's human nature" stuff.) The inclusion of "Human Nature" to Thriller gave a song called "Carousel" the swift boot off the album.Though "Carousel" (later released as a bonus track on a re-issue of Thriller) was a fairly decent track that was so wonderfully early-Eighties in its sound,"Human Nature" was leagues above it.Being my favorite cut off Thriller,there's so much right about "Human Nature." Jackson's vocal delivery is breathy and from a place deep in his soul.The song's lyrics,with its clever metaphors and its underlying meaning,are well-written.The synth melodies are aural candy and sound like they were composed in heaven.All in all,the song is a smooth R&B track that is perfect for something like a night drive in the city.

Quincy Jones was of the belief that a higher power had a hand in making Thriller the successful pop masterpiece that it is."Human Nature" making it on to the album could very well be an attestation that divine forces were at play.Had Jones not been involved in something,he may have stopped the tape after hearing Paich's music and "Human Nature" wouldn't have seen the light of day.Fortunately,things happened the way they did and a little girl's lousy day at school was turned into something great.

5."Billie Jean" was all types of crazy

According to Jackson,Billie Jean was purely a fictitious female that was MJ's composite of all the groupies that he and his Jackson 5 brothers had to deal with.However,according to Jackson's biographer J. Randy Taraborrelli,the song may have been inspired by an obsessed female fan that had taken her obsession with Jackson to great lengths.In 1981 (the year before Thriller),Jackson had been in receipt of a few letters from a chick claiming that he had been a father to one of her twins.In response to her paternity claims and her expressions of love for Jackson and her desire to have a family with him being ignored,she got angry and sent Jackson a parcel containing her photo,another letter,and a gun.In the letter,she instructed Jackson to commit suicide on a certain date and that she would do the same after murdering the baby that Jackson had supposedly impregnated her with.If Taraborrelli's theory was correct that "Billie Jean" derived from something so chilling as to induce goosebumps and cause the tiny hairs on the back of the neck to rise,the song was already crazy in the literal sense by who and what inspired it.

In the process of writing "Billie Jean," Jackson's life could have ended more prematurely than it did with his June 25,2009 death at the age of fifty.Being so absorbed in this song that he was working on,he was completely oblivious that the vehicle he was driving in had a fire going in it and he had to be made aware of the situation by an alert and concerned motorcyclist.Add another layer of crazy to the mix.

Then there was the song itself,which was a smash hit that went deep in the upper deck.Though "Human Nature" is my favorite MJ tune and personal bias could compel me to say that it's the finest work in Jackson's catalog,"Billie Jean" was perhaps Jackson's magnum opus.From a musical standpoint,it had all the necessary ingredients for it to be a high-charting pop joint.The rhythm could implore one to get on the dance floor the very instant that the solo drum break starting "Billie Jean" off sounds.The bassline-a rather simple repetitive eight note sequence-grooves and can lodge itself in the listener's head.The pre-chorus alone is hook-ish never mind the chorus itself,which is hook perfection.There's the gradual introduction of funky synth,punctuated guitar,and dramatic string elements that keep the song interesting.And,yet,for all of the sheer pop goodness that "Billie Jean" offers,it just might be more frightening than "Thriller" because the subject fare of the song is far more real than zombies could ever be."Billie Jean" may well be as much a song about paranoia as it is about what could result from being famous and messing with a girl that has "schemes and plans" behind her feminine wiles.Adding to the stark nature of the song is the conflict that Jackson seems to have within himself.On one hand,he declares with conviction that "Billie Jean is not my lover" and that her "kid is not my son." On the other hand,his vocal delivery when he speaks of looking at a photo of the little boy and realizing "his eyes look like mine" is one of shock,fear,and resignation.It arouses wonderment whether Jackson's repeating of "Billie Jean is not my lover" a number of times late in the song is an emphatic proclamation of his innocence or a convincing of everyone including himself that the truth is really a lie.It all makes "Billie Jean" a crazy good song.

If things weren't crazy enough,the video for "Billie Jean"-deserving of its own exegesis-helped the fledgling MTV to soar into the mainstream.Furthermore,it was also the song to which Jackson-at the Motown 25 television special watched by an estimated 50-million people-created a craze by performing his famed "moonwalk" dance move for the first time."Billie Jean" had every crazy base covered.

4.Thriller was almost as much Quincy Jones' project as it was Michael Jackson's

Michael Jackson is the only name that shows up on the cover of Thriller.And rightfully so,as he is the performer that's front and center on the album.When all the other musicians and producers were finished with their work on the album,it was Jackson that took the songs from out of the studio and brought them to concert venues around the world.However,Thriller could have easily borne both Jackson and Jones' names and it would have been fair.

Jones was in possession of some incredibly keen ears.One could have dropped a nickel on the ground from half a block away and Q would've likely heard it.Jones had an amazing acuity for sound that went to its deepest level.Maybe of greater importance was Jones' encyclopedic knowledge of music.From that,Q's instincts were more often than not trustworthy when it came to chasing down a hit song.He could discern what would make a musical work fly and what could cause it to flop.Michael Jackson wanted to make a killer album and he knew that Q would make the odds of him doing so quite favorable.It likely took no arm-twisting for Jones to get on board with Jackson's vision and become as invested in it as Jackson was.Part of Jones' investment may have been spurred by what he would stand to gain if this album had succeeded in meeting all of its goals:A boatload of money and a larger-than-life addition to his CV.But it's hard not to get the sense that Thriller was a labor of love for Q,one that not only involved a love for good music and the making of such but a love that he felt for the artist with whom he was working.The relationship between Jackson and Jones wasn't solely a professional one,which meant that Jones had a more deeply personal interest in making Thriller a big-time record and giving the young pop singer he had been mentor to with the needed fuel to be a superstar.In so doing,Jones-along with Jackson-had went through approximately 700 demo recordings and only committed what was felt to be the creme de la creme to the album.

It was Jones who,inspired by The Knack's "My Sharona," came up with the idea of having Jackson foray into rock territory and who could visualize Eddie Van Halen performing a guitar solo in the instrumental midbreak of what became "Beat It." It was Jones who felt that a recitation of a spoken-word rap in the outro of "Thriller" was needed and he could hear Vincent Price doing it.And,when the initial finished product of Thriller revealed a falling short of the desired goal for its sound upon play through,it was Jones who rallied the dejected troops to do what needed to be done to correct things with the deadline fast approaching.It was Jones who willingly took on the rigor and exhaustion that came with the production of a highly aspiring album.It's beyond difficult to fathom Thriller being as magical or scintillating without "Q" as its executive producer.

3.Even the non-singles on Thriller were great tunes.

Though it's a given that Thriller is a hit-laden,solid from first-to-last track album,saying that 77.8 percent of its songs were singles really illustrates how insanely good it is.(It bears a resemblance to a greatest hits compilation.) However,the other two cuts-or 22.2 percent-that weren't singles are by no means filler material."Baby Be Mine" is a danceable love tune that seemed to be a continuation of the Off The Wall sound,albeit in a punchy post-disco vein where synthesizers replaced the orchestral element (usually string sections) that was present in scads of disco tunes like Jackson's own "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough." With "Baby Be Mine," Jackson's pre-Thriller fan base were able to enjoy some degree of consistency in Jackson's sound while tweaks were made to it to veer away from disco and warmly embrace the Eighties.Then there's "The Lady Of My Life," a gorgeous love ballad that closes out Thriller.With Jackson's soulful vocals,its heartfelt lyrics,and its warm R&B-meets-smooth jazz character,it might just be the perfect song for a newlywed man to put on and do his bride to.

"Baby Be Mine" and "The Lady Of My Life" could have probably been hits in themselves had they been on someone else's album or not pitted against stiff competition on its own.However,despite being overshadowed by the more behemoth songs on Thriller,these two cuts were sparkling necessities for the whole of the record.

2.There is an irony in Thriller.

If it's not an irony,maybe it's a paradox.If it's neither,I don't know what you would call it.

Prior to Thriller,Michael Jackson-inspired by Tchaikovsky's "Nutcracker" suite-wanted to make a colossal album that was the highest selling of all time and would launch him into the stratosphere of superstardom.And yet,something of a leitmotif is established on Thriller in the subject matter of 3 of the album's nine tracks:Jackson's dealings with the negative aspects of being a pop music luminary.Wasting no time,"Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"-the lead off track on Thriller-is Jackson's ebullient counterstrike on media and their propensity for sensationalism and gossip.Long before Jackson had faced scrutiny for the lightening of his skin color and the surgical alterations to his face as well as allegations of sexual misconduct toward children,he had an issue with bad press and the spreading of rumors.He likens being a celebrity to being a vegetable that "they"-most likely the media but not limited to-will feed off for their own survival or gain.Then there was "Billie Jean," which I have already addressed in my fifth takeaway from Thriller. "Billie Jean" calls to mind Jackson's earlier celebrity/vegetable analogy from "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" (Jackson does mention the name "Billie Jean" on that song) but,on this occasion,the one trying to do the feeding is a girl claiming Jackson's paternity to her young child.Finally,on "Human Nature," Jackson touches on his longing to step out into the city night and walk around like an average person instead of being cooped up in his room and insulated from the world which he was known all over.Part of Thriller in essence was Jackson expressing the discontentment he had with life in the spotlight and letting his listeners know that fame and fortune wasn't all glitz and glamour.However,having been thrust into the spotlight as a young boy and being someone with an artistic soul,the possibility of giving up the life he'd known since his formative years and denying himself further opportunity to be creative wasn't realistic.Perhaps resigning himself to the notion that fame was inescapable,Jackson decided to embrace it to the best of his ability and make himself as huge a star as a human could be.

1.Thriller established why Michael Jackson was (and still is) the King Of Pop

If Jackson's fabulous 1979 effort Off The Wall wasn't his coronation as pop music royalty,Thriller saw the diadem placed atop his jheri curls.Jackson raised the bar so high with Thriller that he made it near impossible for anyone,including himself,to elevate.Though his death forced him to abdicate his throne,he was buried with his crown.

One only needs to reference Thriller to understand why Jackson is pop music's kingly figure.He was his harshest critic and a staunch perfectionist who never rested on his laurels.Though Off The Wall was a critically acclaimed album,he wasn't entirely happy with it.It was like he was constantly nagged by the thought do more,do better.He set huge goals and then pushed himself hard to accomplish them.He had the right people working with him to make his vision a reality.Jackson embodied indefatigable work and relentless drive.

Whereas we might refer to all pop music stars as being "artists," such a description of Jackson wasn't given to be polite but rather because it was befitting.He had such an appreciation for art.As previously mentioned,Jackson's inspiration for Thriller was Tchaikovsky,who had written suites like "The Nutcracker" filled with great music.He had instructed the musicians who had worked with him on Thriller to "think of Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel" and to do what they felt was necessary to provide the right "colors" for his songs.Jackson's art was transcendent of the audio medium.The videos for songs from Thriller were iconic as the songs were themselves.

Michael Jackson made pop music that was palatable.Jackson's brand of pop was so much different.It was pop that sounded like pop but yet didn't.Though,like all popular music,Jackson's material had the largest possible listening audience in its crosshairs,it frequently didn't come off as being kitschy and that was especially the case with the cuts off Thriller.Jackson's music reached into the handy-dandy grab bag of tried-and-true musical devices without conveying the impression that it was trying too hard to be a hit pop song.It didn't need to encourage people through chorus hooks to get on the dance floor or shake what their mothers bestowed upon them.People just got on the dance floor.Most importantly,Jackson's pop was staunchly avoidant of placing a best-before date on itself.Though Thriller may be very Eighties in its sound and its premeditation to be humungous (because everything had to be big in the "decade of decadence"),it contained the necessary preservatives to keep itself fresh over a lengthy span of time and there's an awfully high probability that it will never grow stale or become a relic of the period in which it came out.A sizeable quantity of pop music simply isn't in Jackson's league.As such,it doesn't stand out from its ilk but rather sounds like simulacra of it.It tends to be corny and irritating instead of stylish and agreeable.It makes itself easily replaceable by future music that will inevitably use the same recipe from the musical cookbook to whip up something for the Hot 100.

Perhaps the only way that someone can take the King Of Pop distinction away from Michael Jackson is if Jackson's soul is reincarnated in someone else's body.Otherwise,Jackson continues to reign and it's due in large part to Thriller.Happy 35th!

#thriller #michael jackson #1982 #quincy jones #bruce swedien #rod temperton #album #paul mccartney #peggy lipton #vincent price #toto #steve porcaro #david paich #jeff porcaro #steve lukather #eddie van halen #pop #music

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prettyoddfever · 4 years

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FAN FEEDBACK ABOUT P!ATD’S SUMMER TOUR:

For the record, a lot of fans seriously loved the dramatic changes the band made when they started headlining national shows! I thought the summer tour was amazing. However, you know how people who don’t like something are usually the loudest ones and are more likely to post long rants online? And how it seems like it’s easier for some people to build on a complaint than a happy comment? Yeah, that was happening here... so the feedback online did feel kind of negative at times. At least half of the guys in the band regularly read what fans were saying on some of the main forums & communities, so they definitely saw what was being said.

One big problem was that a lot of newer fans had discovered P!ATD through Fall Out Boy, MTV, or tween magazines and then assumed that the band should be lumped in with other emo bands.... so of course P!ATD would look like they were “trying too hard” when compared to a group they had never planned on being part of. The Vegas boys were trying to put on a show and be entertainers, but some fans expected them to wear “normal” clothes and chat with the audience.

I was saving notes like mad during this season because things were changing so fast and I guess that’s how I made sense of stuff in high school... more notes ha. So here are some of the common things I saw fans talking about:

apparently the sudden “weirdness” and costumes of the band were unexpected even though they filmed the IWSNT video half a year ago... and the old paisley ties & waistcoats weren’t exactly chill either.

the band worked really hard to turn one album into an entertaining headlining show. The guys took inspiration from how the Counting Crows would transform a song into a lengthy live piece with transitions, so they ended up weaving their first 4 songs of the show into one continuous piece with new interludes. But so many fans just saw that and said the band seemed stuck up & pretentious now because they were too good to talk to the crowd between songs.

the shows did not feel spontaneous and evidently that was a serious offense.

SO MUCH “sellout” commentary because of the stage design & dancers & costumes that were all “too much” and pretentious. it was taken as proof that fame had changed the band and given them big egos. fans would compare pictures from a few months ago versus the summer tour and mourn the good old days when it was just a plain stage & the boys.

a lot of fans expected the band to continually tell the crowd how much they loved them and were offended when the crowd was “ignored.”

Maybe some fans didn’t get that Ryan was shy, but I definitely saw people regularly complain that he didn’t look like he even wanted to be there, never smiled, and only looked at his feet, guitar, or Brendon.

however, several girls throughout the summer said that Ryan made really intense eye contact with them.

Brendon seemed almost like he was trying to put on a show and not break the fourth wall at times, but some people got pretty mad that he didn’t make eye contact with them.

there was still a little bit of leftover talk that the guys were just a pretty boy band created by Pete Wentz and didn’t actually have talent.

some people hated the long intermission & some people said the show was too short & some people said it was way too long...

Other fans were fast to point out that it was not the band’s fault they got so big this fast. The guys were only taking the opportunities they got while acknowledging that they were fortunate. Plus, they worked SO hard to be able to perform at the level that they were thrown into.

some specific comments I saved (both positive & negative):

“I have no time/respect for bands who do costume changes. Unless I'm paying for an arena show like fucking Madonna or Michael Jackson I don't need to be waiting around for a costume change”

“i felt like it was just all too much… i wanted to see them play, not wait 10 minutes for them to change outfits that weren't really any different from the ones they were previously wearing… the sound guy must have seen the look on my face because he was like, ‘isn't this the most ridiculous shit you've ever seen? i've had to hear it for a month and a half straight.’ that must be rough… it was definitely a less than modest show, especially since they've only been touring for a year or less. i just think it's kinda lame that they put on such an extravagant performance when bands that have been on tour for much longer are practically setting up their own equipment still… this was the fourth time i've seen panic! and most likely my last.”

“the entire show felt very immature.”

“Even bands in our scene who are way bigger than you don't do this crap. Its pretty insane and ridiculous if you ask me.”

“the show is entertaining but Panic's not Panic! anymore and at the end, the show is a dissapointment.”

“Ry didn’t look like he was at all happy to see us.”

“i only remember seeing [Ryan] looking at the audience about once or twice throughout the whole entire performance.”

“Hands down. F-U-C-K-I-N-G the best. No doubt, and supremely stressed. Okay. I was blown away by their set. They are , breathtaking, extraordinary, breathtaking, extraordinary, spectacular. THAT'S THE HUGEST UNDERSTATEMENT EVER! My vocabulary isn't big enough. I don't think I have ever been blown away to that degree before.”

“i bought a concert ticket not a musical theater ticket.”

“I was in the center, in the VERY front row of people. And Brendon did not look at anyone once. I literally walked out of that venue and was like, "What the f—?!”

“panic is so ungrateful for their fans it’s like we didn’t exist to them at all. they didn’t joke around or talk, they just sang, took a bow and left. the room could've been empty.”

“It IS a concert, not a musical… I wish they hadn't gotten so damn famous so damn fast. They'd probably be doing better if they'd had some more time to grow up.”

“that was a waste of a night I’ll never get back.”

“it's a shame indeed, especially since all of their previous show i had been to were just a big, simple, awesome dance party. nothing over the top, just the boys doing their thing and the crowd loving every second of it.”

“i see people talking about how panic have ‘sold out,’ and how they're not even worth listening to anymore. again, this makes no sense to me. it's still the same music. nothing has changed, except that the band have gotten the recognition they deserve for their work.”

“At my show, the only interraction with the crowd was Brendon saying "Hi we're panic and welcome to the show" and then throwing water bottles at us whenever he took a sip… he only walked over to the sides once. And then, just when things were heating up, the show ended. They all came to the front and bowed and left the stage. The lights came on. And the crowd stood there for 10 minutes trying to figure out what was going on. No last words, no encore, no nothing. Just walked off stage. So the audience was stunned. Ugh, don't even get me started on the band members off stage. Ryan Ross actually ran away from us.”

“Maybe the band in general are just not getting along and the dancers are there to cover that up too….”

“I've heard rumors that the reason [Lucent Dossier] are there is to cover up Brendon's lack of showmanship for being a lead man, and I could completely understand that since he is so young but it has just gotten so over the top it's kind of gut wrenching…”

“they only got the stripper clowns to distract us from how shitty they are without Brent.”

“i was so disappointed after the show, especially seeing their poor crowd interaction. it's a shame.”

“Brendon interacted with the crowd fine, it wasnt a huge amount, but he did say some things. They're all great performers. Spencer's light up drum kit kicked my ass, it was so sick.”

(I didn’t save the source of this review quote, so it’s going in with the rest of the quotes): “Overall, Panic's performance was quite impressive. Despite their age, their lyrics are both original and mature. And regardless of the fact that the band rapidly achieved success and had very little time to master the techniques of performing live, the young men in Panic! at the Disco were both poised and engaging.”

“When the concert is no longer about the music at all, you know that there's a problem.”

“they don’t deserve to have their own tour yet. plain and simple.”

“it was definitely a less than modest show, especially since they've only been touring for a year or less. i just think it's kinda lame that they put on such an extravagant performance when bands that have been on tour for much longer are practically setting up their own equipment still.”

“I can’t understand why they have their own tour this early. It’s clear they don’t know what to do with it.”

“they've worked really hard to a certain extent with all the touring and stuff they do but they really shouldn't be where they are in terms of popularity already.”

“it is pathetic that they cant even play the intstuments in the music. HAHA they hired someone to play cello.”

“i think the whole panic-phenomenon was just setting them up for a fall. they went from completely unknown to super famous in a matter of months. this gave them no time to build a loyal following. how hard has panic worked? do they honestly deserve everything that has happened to them? i'm not as sure. all i know is that i don't feel much, if any, loyalty to panic. maybe it's just that because most bands have been around longer, and worked three-times as hard to get HALF the following that panic has, they appreciate their fans more than panic does.”

“Whoever said they were divas, I completely agree… I hope in the future the shows will be better, more enjoyable, and more personal, and not as over-the-top, produced and identical. Because what can they do to top this anyway? yeah they've shown us they can be all creative and different and shit. We get it. my god.”

hahaha I really hope that person in the last comment saw the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour :)

Anyways, the ratio of positive to negative reviews above isn’t an accurate portrayal of the percentage of fans who liked the tour. I’m just trying to show the kinds of repetitive comments that the band absolutely saw. (It was definitely interesting how the changes they made for the Pretty. Odd. era & their interview answers sounded like Ryan & Jon agreed with some of the more common negative feedback from the last half of 2006). And then here’s a quote from Brendon in a livedaily interview that summer:

“The hype is pretty good. So it's a good sign. There's different kinds of hype for different reasons. Hype is good. The crowd just has more expectations from us when we're on stage. That's cool, too. I hope we haven't been too disappointing. We try.”

(see the main post for the rest)

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trifeca · 4 years

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Ray Barbee: The Ollie Equivalent, 2012

There’s an old Powell ad, circa 1989, with Ray Barbee holding his pro model like a guitar, as if he was pretending to jam on it. Of course Ray’s smiling on that picture, as he pretty much always does. And yet no one seems to have noticed that he was into making music back then, even though he certainly had the right kind of flow. In fact, it took more than another decade for Barbee to release some of his own music. But he’s never been one to push things aggressively.

25 years after riding for Powell-Peralta, Ray Barbee is still doing what he loves, and that means more than just No Complys: A photographer, a skater, and of course a musician who’s been releasing on Galaxia Records for almost a decade now, he’s still representing brands such as Element, WeSC, Independent, and Vans, who support the iconic street skater in his manifold creative endeavors. For this interview, we originally planned to sit down and talk music only, but of course, being the well-balanced all-smiles guy that he is, we went from guitars to boards to family life and moonwalked our way back to his idea of perfect functional attire.

Well, Ray, here you are, fixing your guitar, treating it with so much, well, love almost, how does it make you feel to see someone smash his instrument on stage?

I have no problem with it, but it’s certainly not my thing. It’s almost like with a board, you know, if you have a board that you dig…

… then you would never destroy it?

Well, it’s probably a bad analogy, because a board will get old, and you’ll get rid of it anyway. A guitar you can have for the rest of your life. It just depends. If you really dig the guitar – much like anything –, then you don’t want to mess it up. And dudes who do that, they’re on another level anyway.

Meaning what exactly?

I mean, most dudes who break their boards, they get their boards for free. And guys who smash guitars they either get them for free or it’s an important part of their shtick. Pete Townshend from The Who – he can get more guitars. And then punk bands started doing that too, but a lot of those guitars were cheap guitars anyway. The equivalent in skateboarding would be a board you could find at a sporting goods store. You can’t really use those boards anyway.

Making music though, with a guitar that you treat well, is that feeling that’s comparable to what you get out of skateboarding?

Well, just comparable in the fact that it brings joy, I’d say. And that there’s a sense of accomplishment: You want to learn a new trick, or you have a good day skating, so you come home feeling satisfied.

So it could be anything then?

Totally, no matter what the interest is: it boils down to that, to how you’re enjoying it. So the common ground is joy, that sense of satisfaction, of accomplishment. It’s definitely not restricted to music and skateboarding.

For you it’s photography as well, I guess.

Yeah, for sure. It just comes down to having an interest. Those interests will send you down a path if you want to fulfill the curiosity or whatever it was that got you started in the first place.

What about you and music then? How did it all begin?

Music for me was something I always dug, even before getting into skateboarding. Growing up in California in the eighties, I think I was in fifth grade when MTV came out. Plus I got a brother and a sister, and my parents would let us go to the local record store once maybe every two weeks. They would let us pick a tape of a band that we liked – so every two weeks I was able to buy music!

That’s awesome.

Yeah, super cool. I remember I liked AC/DC from MTV, and so I was into them and Angus Young in particular, him going crazy and playing what I thought was such ripping guitar. I was into that but I didn’t know anybody who had a guitar. It was just something that was on TV, and not something within my reach. But when I got into skateboarding, after sixth grade, the guys that I wound up skating with, those guys all played in punk bands. So after skating, when they had band practice, I would hang out – and then there were guitars I could actually pick up and I could ask them, “Show me something!” That’s how I got into it; but it always took the backseat to skateboarding. At least until about high school, then I got a little more serious. I didn’t own my own guitar until Stacy Peralta bought me one, after I got on Powell-Peralta.

Wow.

Yeah, I was always borrowing people’s guitars.

You once compared learning an ollie to learning to talk; how about another analogy in guitar terms? Where is that “ollie step”, when things start to get interesting, in music for you?

Oh that’s getting past the blisters.

Those will go away after a few weeks already, don’t they?

Well, for some people that’s a deciding factor if they keep doing it or not. There’s a lot of pain before. At the end of the day playing guitar is all about what your right hand is doing and that being connected with your left hand.

Just like an ollie is your left and right foot working together.

Yeah. Getting your fingers used to where they need to land the chords. So there’s no per-se “ollie” for music. Playing an instrument is all about getting the coordination right.

You make it sound so mechanical. Where’s the flow in that, this invisible element?

I know what you mean, but it’s true: my hand has to “know” which string it’s on! And in skateboarding it’s the same, you have to learn the mechanics of pushing, and then coasting, and then the mechanics of an ollie, sliding the front foot up. One can’t really be too conscious about it though, because that’s when the flow gets messed up.

Is there a comparable thing in photography? An “ollie” kind of moment?

No, I don’t think so. The parallels with all three of those things is: it takes a creative mind. It all comes from seeing. Music has more to do with ideas and melodies, and being able to execute that with your instrument. It all starts from an idea; sometimes I’ll hear parts of a song before I get to the instrument. With photos, sometimes I know the image that I want to shoot and try to find it; for skateboarding I know the trick I want to do and try to find the right spot to do it. So the approach is very similar: you come up with an idea, and then you try to execute it.

What is your main focus right now?

My focus is trying to balance everything.

Is it easy to find time for all this, especially with family, kids…?

No, it’s hard, and I don’t know how to do it. But again I have got to try because… I want to do it. I don’t think I’m doing a good job of it, but you just keep trying. It’s like life: nobody’s got life down. Like parenting, there’s not book that will teach you parenting really well. At the end of the day you just have to experience it, go through it, and it’s trial and error by just jumping in at the deep end and going for it. The older you get, the less time you have to do anything, so when you have a lot of things, it really becomes a challenge to balance everything. Plus I just bought a new home, and that’s a big motivator.

It motivates you to work more so you can pay the bills? Because these are all things you’d probably do anyway even if they didn’t pay your bills, right?

Yeah.

Tell me about your sponsorship situation right now, and how it feels to be part of those brands.

Well, it’s great, because the brands that I’m a part of, they’re all lifestyle brands, so they all really appreciate everything about the culture. So me being able to develop and get my chops, if you will, with these things gives them something to work with – and at the same time it allows me to still be viable and to bring something of worth to the brand. And you’re right: if I wasn’t releasing anything, if I wasn’t putting out music or wasn’t able to be in magazines or in videos for skateboarding, or hanging prints at galleries, I’d still be doing all this stuff. Still it has to be justified; I can’t spend all my time doing that stuff and not provide for my family.

Is your youngest one still planning to be the next Michael Jackson?

Yeah, that’s because he loves dancing. Michael was a badass dancer, man.

Can he moonwalk yet, your son?

No, he’s five, you know?

How do your kids feel about your earlier video parts?

My youngest, I don’t know, to him it’s all the same. “Dad’s on again.” He’s five, like I said. My oldest is into skateboarding and he thinks it’s cool, although no matter what you do: parents are never cool. It doesn’t matter: Up to a certain age, dad’s the hero. But when your kid is starting to get into his own things, he’s going to be like, “Oh dad, you’re so old-school.”

Sure. What’s lined up for the rest of the year?

Right now I’m writing for a new album, so my plan is to be in the studio sometime towards the end of the summer. Then I also got this book project with Vans and WeSC, a photo book project. Other than that I’m trying to hook up with Greg Hunt to get some footage for the Vans video. I’ve got a full plate.

One last question, and this goes back to the thing with destroying guitars or boards: Is it true that you sometimes wear your flannel shirts for years and years and years – even though you’re sponsored and you could get new stuff every other day?

Oh yeah, totally. I’ve got flannels that I’ve had for years, yeah. It just depends on your personality and the type of dude you are. I just grew up that way, and when I find something I dig then I stick with it. It has to be durable, no-frills, so basically I’m a working-class skater in the sense of “let me get the stuff that I need just to get where I need, done”.

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hetmusic · 9 years

Photo

Mothxr | Interview | HumanHuman

Mothxr, what more can we say about this band that hasn’t already been said. Well, the basics are that they’re a four-piece, they live in Brooklyn and they make lyrically cryptic, analog synth filled, retro-pop leaning jams. Their online life only began a little over a year ago, around the same time that The Indie Curator has held this promising discovery, but notable tracks like “Easy”, “Victim” and “Touch” have already made a significant impact with the blogosphere and beyond.

Currently, the band are planning to release their debut album, so we thought we should shoot the guys a Q&A to get to grips with what’s to come. Here we cover a lot of territory from the band’s obsession with Michael Jackson, to their desire to shake off any genre ties, to that one song they have a special place for.

Hey Mothxr! Tell me, who's in the band and how did you all get together?

Jіmmу, ргоducer, songwriter, plays bass live. Darren, bassist, sопgwriter, plays keys live. Simon, guitarist, songwriter. Penn, vocalist, songwriter, rhythm guitarist live.

Do you all share a similar taste in music or is it the differences that make being in a band interesting?

It's the differences that make this band. We share some iconic influences, a unanimous infatuation with Michael Jackson for instance, but we come from pretty different places.

As individual musicians in your own right, how does being in a band differ from working alопe?

I think it means you end up with something greater than any one of you. Even a visionary benefits from influence and direction. Working alone is really nice too, it's necessary to express yourself exactly as you want to, but it doesn't have as much potential to be something you couldn't anticipate.

I'm curious, why did you chose Mothxr for a band name?

It was a joke that stuck. It's got a veiled meaning in there, but it's really just a name.

Let's take it back to your debut, “Victim”, a song that has racked up 170,000 listens over on SoundCloud [which has since been removed]. Did you know that you were onto something big when you first released it?

We've known we're onto something we truly love since we recorded that song, in particular, but I don't even know if we can say we're onto something “big” now. Let's see how the record is received, how the year rolls out.

“Throbbing, lascivious, half-light songs from Mothxr evoke erotic thrillers of the 80s/90s (listen to a little saxophone in “Victim”)”— The Track Hunter

The lyrics of “Victim” are rather vague and mysterious, was that intentional? What do you want the listener to take away from those cryptic lines?

All the lyrics are like that, and it's very much intentional. I honestly have no idea what people might take away from any of the lyrics, sometimes I laugh at how densely veiled they are. I'm saying something very loudly, very clearly to me, but it's music. It's art. I can't tell you what it means in any authoritative way. The listener's interpretation is at least as valid as the author's intention.

Obviously, you made your online debut a year ago, has Mothxr's sound changed much since then?

Sure, it's always changing. Our live sound has changed, evolved. The songs we're recording now are headed in an exciting direction, hard to say more than that.

I would certainly say that your newest single “Touch” leans more towards a pop sound. Is that a style you'll be exploring more in the future?

Yes and no. We go where we like, since we're obviously not a pop act, but pop can be really interesting territory. Some of the weirdest music I've ever heard are pop hits. Bowie? Talking Heads? Michael Jackson—if you really listen to “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” that is a weird song and it’s one of the biggest hits ever. Michael's singing about being a damn vegetable. And every sound, if you were to isolate it, is really insistent, repetitive and claustrophobic. That song sounds like the beginning of a nervous breakdown.

“a piece of retro-futuristic pop, in which fluorescent synths, 80’s beats and top notch production hypnotise like a seductive colorful kaleidoscope.”— Going Solo on “Touch”

Are you still using that vintage analog gear you started out with?

Yeah, and some new pieces.

What other pieces of equipment or sounds are integral to your recording process?

The Prophet 12 is pretty killer. But we'll probably avoid being too attached to any one piece of equipment. We'll always need a good compressor for guitar and vocals. That is key.

So far, all of your tracks have been tagged as “indie”, but what does that label mean to you?

Man I have no idea what that means. I would prefer to never say indie again.

There's a growing argument that genres don't carry as much weight as they use to and might even become meaningless in the coming years, what are you thoughts on that?

I completely agree. Wholeheartedly. It's like patriotism - there comes a point where it can only lead to division and walls, inhibiting the freedom of expression for whomever is on either side. One vast world, containing an infinite spectrum of sounds and voices. I mean, I’m kinda serious.

Putting genres aside, what else has inspired your band's sound? Art, film, locations. personal experiences?

We watch a lot of documentaries when we're together. The environment is always an influence, no matter what. We do love recording in LA for some reason.

How does it feel to be part of Brooklyn's impeccable music scene?

Haha, um, it feels great when you put it like that.

Do you think it's easier or harder to make music in a culturally rich, urban area like Brooklyn?

Easier, as long as you don't let it distract you.

Surely, the internet helps with getting your music out there too. What kind of role do you think the online world plays in an artist's career these days?

An incomparably huge and vital role. Without the internet, this band doesn't exist.

You were of course discovered by The Indie Curator on HumanHuman right at the start of your career. Have you noticed much support from other music sites and blogs?

Yeah, but I mean it's hard to say what any of it means. The internet is a mess. It'll be interesting to see where we are in a year or two.

You seemed to have spent the past year playing lots of shows, both on your home turf and abroad, do you have a favourite show?

We love playing Baby's All Right in Brooklyn. Always a lot of fun. Right down the street from our apartments.

Which song is the most fun to play live?

“Touch” and “Victim” are the most dynamic, and the loudest. We often get a good vibe going during those.

Is there anything you're really looking forward to in 2016?

Aside from the charade of electoral politics, I just wanna see what kind of response we get out there in the world with this project. We're happy to finally release a record and support it.

As a last note, which of your songs stands out as the essence of Mothxr?

I gotta say, every one of them represents a vital part of this project. There are only eleven songs on the record, so that's not a stretch of the imagination. “Wild Ride” might be the most intimate and simple. We all have a special place for that track.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interiew-mothxr

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ulyssessklein · 5 years

Text

Dr. Neil Ratner’s New Book Roc Doc Takes Us On A Rock N Pop Romp

By: Rick Landers

Images courtesy: Dr. Neil Ratner

In many ways, Dr. Neil Ratner‘s life reflects that long and winding road, leading to one heart. Like many, as a young man he dreamed the dream of a life immersed in rock ‘n’ roll, a music that grabs us, pulling us in…sometimes to its very soul.la

For some it’s a need or desire of fame and fortune; or sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, but for many it’s simply, a love of “the beat”.

At heart, Ratner’s a drummer, or maybe more pointedly, a percussionist, with an interest in instruments one taps, beats or bangs, many from from different cultures.

After a life working with such greats as Edgar Winter and White Trash, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Pink Floyd, T-Rex, Three Dog Night and Michael Jackson, Neil’s heart still surges to the beat of his collection of international gear. Whether it’s a djembe, a snare, a tambourine or a big bass drum, Neil still thumps away in the quiet haunts of Woodstock, New York.

A drummer, a roadie, a tour manager, sometimes intertwined, Neil found himself working the backline of the world of rock and roll, but with some of the best, if not the top musicians in the world. But, in an emotional twist of fate he was found himself driven to leave the music business behind. He would find himself in Mexico, studying to become Dr. Neil Ratner, eventually specializing in anesthesiology.

It was a significant pivot, yet he was able to create a life that returned him to work alongside those who could get lighters and later, cellphones lit, fists pumping and thousands of fans swaying to the music or simply singing along with legendary hit songs.

Ratner learned the ropes of rock ‘n’ roll logistics and sound systems early on and showed an aptitude that reflected a precision and attention to detail that would serve him well. Yet, his life would also carry him to a point where he floundered in darker scenarios, where he lost his way and found himself staring at four prison walls, with time to reconsider his life and the need to draw his own perimeter lines, where his core values could thrive and where he could, and would, do better and help others.

Dr. Ratner’s new book, Rock Doc is a romp, taking us to the inner world of rock and pop, the thrills and the spills, as well as the vagaries of fate, where the highs live alongside the lows, where juggling and balancing life oftentimes leads to destruction. Rock Doc navigates through all of that and more, yet in the end, it’s about redemption and love where two hearts beat, as one.

Today, Neil lives a life in the town of Woodstock where he serves on its Ethics Board, and reaches half-way around the world to support and promote charitable causes in Africa and elsewhere. And he remains a devoted husband to his wife, Leann, the love of his life. And, of course, you can’t take the beat out of the drummer, so he drums.

I rarely use the word enchanted, and interviews are rarely that….they can certainly be fun, interesting, and intriguing. I expect you’ll find Neil candid and informative, entertaining and cleverly self-effacing, genuine and a hoot. He laughs about his foibles, and properly tones it down when serious matters warrant it, and in the end he’s philosophical and reverent about his good fortune, given his ability and capabilty to help many of the poorest, disenfranchised people of the world. Enchanted, I am.

******

Rick Landers: I found your book not only interesting and informative, but also entertaining. You’re really a good writer and I found that, rather than it being like a typical pedestrian autobiography, it was more of a romp of a story, if that makes sense. Although, there were some heavy downsides or low points, obviously.

Neil Ratner: I never really attempted to write anything before, and as such, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be any good at it or not. I’m pleasantly surprised when I hear comments like yours. [Laughs]

Rick: It’s a fun read. From your early days, your dream was to be a career professional drummer, but at a certain point you were inspired to shift to a career in medicine. I know you talked about this in your book.

But this is an unusual circumstance. A lot of really good musicians find themselves at some pivot point, where they need to make that kind of decision. How about telling us about your first dream of being a drummer, the change that took place, and looking back, how you feel about becoming a doctor, rather than making the decision to become a professional rock drummer?

Dr. Ratner at medical school in Guadalajara, Mexico.

Neil Ratner: Basically, you’re right. As a kid, especially growing up – I’m going to be 70 – in the ’50s and ’60s, you know, rock and roll was just happening and it was such an exciting time. And I was drawn to the drums at a very early age for reasons unbeknownst to me.

I guess I always had rhythms going on in my head. So, it always appealed to me to be a drummer and, as I say in the book, I started out in the high school band and orchestra. Then I had my little bands on the side and as time went on, it seemed more and more possible that that might happen.

But, as fate would have it and you know the music business, Rick. It’s not an easy business. It was not an easy business then. It’s not an easy business to get into now, although now with the Internet, the ability of people to do things on their own, I guess it is somewhat easier, although I don’t think it’s easier to reach those plateaus.

Those plateaus of stardom are still way off in the distance for everybody, quite honestly. At any rate, I got to a point at the end of high school where I had a really good band and it looked like we were going to get some offers. We made some demos – you know how it goes.

Rick: Yep.

Neil Ratner: Shit happens. I had this other dream as a kid, again for reasons unbeknownst to me of becoming a doctor, and coming from kind of an upper middle-class background, certainly my parents were much more geared towards me going to college and becoming a physician than becoming a rock and roll drummer!

Rick: Sure, of course [Laughs].

Neil Ratner: I had to make the switch and say, “Okay, for the moment, I’ll give up being a drummer, although I’m not going to give up the drums. Let me go to college and be pre-med and start to study and see what develops. And what developed was, of course, I immediately got into a band. I started playing at various functions and clubs and whatever. After a time, my interest in school was kind of waning [Both laugh] with my interest in music being rekindled in a really big way.

And then an interesting thing happened to me. In the summer between my sophomore and junior year, I took a sublet apartment in New York City and I got into a training program where, within the two months, I could get a license as an operating room technician.

Back in the day and even today getting into medical schools was and is not an easy thing. I felt that maybe that would give me an advantage. Although I still wanted to be a rock and roll drummer.

I was seriously looking at, how am I going to go to medical school? And how am I going to pursue that dream of becoming a doctor? So, I took an apartment. It was the summer of 1969. The apartment was on 13th Street between 1st and 2nd Avenues in New York City.

Anybody who knows New York City knows that that’s the East Village. The East Village back in those days was quite the place with the Fillmore down the street, Oh Calcutta at the Anderson theater, the electric Circus you know, hippies all over, the smell of pot everywhere [Both chuckle]. It was a very conducive atmosphere for music.

Rick: Well, I’ve got to tell you I used to go to the Grande Ballroom in Detroit, which is similar to the Fillmore.

Neil Ratner: Oh, absolutely! The Grande was one of the early venues of rock and roll.

So anyway, I take this apartment and very shortly after I started living there, I hear music coming from an upstairs apartment. Being a musician, it interests me. I hear guys practicing on guitars. I can’t tell. So I walk upstairs and knock on the door and I introduced myself. Lo and behold, it’s the apartment of Liz and Rick Derringer.

Rick and I became instant friends and, of course, living next door was his brother Randy, and next door to that was Randy Hobbs.

Rick: Oh really?

Neil Ratner: These guys had all been in the McCoys.

Rick: Yeah, “Hang on, Sloopy.”

Rock legend, Rick Derringer, and Dr. Neil Ratner

Neil Ratner: Yes, but at the time when I met them, the McCoys were finished, and Rick had started to work with Johnny Winter. So there was Rick, and Randy Hobbs, and Rick’s brother, Randy, who didn’t make it very long.

They became Johnny Winters’ band and they were called Johnny Winter And. So Rick and I became friendly. I was in a little band that summer of friends from home in Long Island, and I had Rick come to a gig and he saw me play and he realized that I could play the drums.

We became fast friends, hung out a lot during that summer, and when it was time for me to go back to school, I said, “Rick, man, you saw I could play drums. Get me a gig as a drummer [Both laugh].

Lo and behold, he called me six months to a year later, not with a gig as a drummer, but by that point, he was well established with Johnny Winter. Of course, Johnny had a brother named Edgar.

Rick: Of course, yeah.

Neil Ratner: He had just formed his first real band to go out there and try and make it. It was made up of a bunch of friends and it was called, Edgar Winter’s White Trash, featuring Jerry LaCroix.

Rick: Yeah, White Trash, I saw them.

Neil Ratner: With another friend of his, Jerry Lacroix.

Rick: Yeah, I know White Trash. “Dying to Live” is a great song.

Neil Ratner: “Dying to Live” is a fabulous song. I love that song: so filled with paradox, you know what I mean?

Rick: Yeah! [Both laugh]

Neil Ratner: And that’s what the world is. You can’t appreciate sadness without joy, etcetera. At any rate, Edgar had just formed a band and I was sure Rick was going to ask me to be the drummer. But of course, he asked me to be the road manager, which was not something I really wanted to be.

But you know, he said, “Come on, Neil. You’ll get in the business. You’ll meet people. You never know, So, that was the beginning of my foray into the rock and roll business.

Dr. Neil Ratner and Edgar Winter.

Rick: And then you decided to become a doctor. What was the driving force besides wanting to be one? Was there a point where something happened and you went, “I really need to change and focus on the doctor thing.”

Neil Ratner: Yeah, absolutely. I spent five to six years working in the business side of the business, starting out as road manager, then a tour manager, then a special assistant to a major manager.

Eventually, I had an all-in-one production company. We did, sound, lighting, everything a band needed on the road.. I did Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon tour. I did the LP Brain Salad Surgery tour and various other things. I was starting to get tired mentally and beat up physically.

Rick: I bet. The logistics side of it must have been horrific – pulling everything together.

Neil Ratner: Try and imagine the Dark Side of the Moon tour – all of that equipment and special effects and everything in a time when there are no cell phones. There are no computers. Going on the road with lots of people and lots of equipment was quite a trip back in those days.

Rick: Yeah. Did you ever get in the studio with Pink Floyd?

Neil Ratner: You know, the only time that I was actually invited to go into the studio with Pink Floyd – it’s kind of a funny story.

The way that I got involved with Pink Floyd is I became real good friends with Peter Watts. He was their chief sound technician and really an incredible genius when it came to sound technology. Peter and I were good friends and he had helped me create my company. He knew some technical people in London that had a company that was splitting apart.

The one guy who was going to keep all the equipment was looking for a new partner. His name was Jim Morris, and he and I eventually formed Circus Talents, which Peter helped put together. Then, of course, when the Dark Side of the Moon tour came about, they tried to do it themselves and found they didn’t have enough equipment.

Their production wasn’t quite what they wanted it to be. So, as Peter developed a bigger production, he said, “Come on. You guys are coming along with me and you’ll co-produce the tour and we’ll use your equipment and we’ll see how it goes.”

Rick: What a great band.

Neil Ratner: Yeah, it was a great band. At any rate, the only time I got into the studio with them was prior to that when they were recording the Dark Side of the Moon album. I was good friends with Peter, and his wife Puddie who, had been a college girlfriend of mine, which is how I met Peter in the first place.

They said, “Why don’t you come down to the studio? The Floyd is finishing up this new album called Dark Side of the Moon. Roger Waters has these flashcards and he’s going to get people to read answers to the questions that he has on the cards, and maybe it’ll make the album. We don’t know, but it should be a fun time.”

So, I was really psyched to go and I ended up in a London hospital with kidney stones.

Rick: Oh! As fate would have it.

Neil Ratner: As fate would have it, of course, if people listen to the Dark Side of the Moon album, they’ll hear Peter’s hysterical laughing, Puddie’s comments, “Cruisin’ for a bruisin'” and all kinds of other things. That was the one time I was invited to the studio, and I never quite got there.

Rick: In ’74, they were working on a different album. I was at Abbey Road with Roy Harper, if you know Roy Harper.

Neil Ratner: Oh, yeah. Sure.

Rick: Pink Floyd were next door in studio 2. I think we were in 3. Then we all went downstairs and ate in the galley. Pink Floyd were behind us having Chinese takeout and champagne.

Neil Ratner: No kidding [Both laugh]. Great combination!

Rick: It was hilarious. And Harper was a pretty amazing folk singer.

Neil Ratner: Yeah, he was a great singer that a lot of people don’t know about, actually.

Rick: Yeah, I know, and I lived in England and worked for Virgin Records at the time. But I knew of John Martyn and saw him a couple times and a number of others. What I didn’t realize is that Nick Drake lived in the same county I did, if you knew Nick Drake.

Neil Ratner: Sure, yeah. Did you get friendly with Nick Drake?

Rick: Not with Nick Drake. I didn’t even know he was there. I didn’t actually hear about him until about three years ago.

Neil Ratner: So, getting back to your question. I had done all this stuff including all these big productions.

I was getting intellectually bored and physically beat up from all the drugs and the lifestyle and whatever, and I ended up again with another bout of kidney stones. I don’t know. I was watching TV. It was late at night and a movie came on. It was this old American movie called “Not as a Stranger.” It’s a movie about interns and residents and how they, become doctors and strive and I don’t know. I don’t know if it was the drugs or my mental state or whatever [Both laugh].

Neil Ratner’s and associates Circle Talents Ltd. production set for Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

It just hit me, and I started crying and I started to re-evaluate my life and every aspect of it and I said, “You know what? I’m done. I’m not going to be the drummer. I’ve done everything that I really set out to do and accomplish in the business end of the business. Now it’s time to go back and fulfill my other dream.”

I was a big believer in the fact that you could do many things in life if you truly believed in yourself and you were willing to work hard enough for it. So, I knew it would be an incredibly long road. I had to go back to college. I didn’t have very many college credits. And colleges didn’t want to take me in their pre-med programs.

They didn’t think I was serious. My education was too strange for them. There were all kinds of things going on in my mind, but I was determined when I came back. I was fortunate: got into a university but I did not get into an American medical school.

Rick: Yeah, Mexico, right?

Neil Ratner: There were foreign medical schools. I took the long road and 10 years later, hung up a shingle.

Rick: Any regrets?

Neil Ratner: No. Rick, I’ve had this incredible life, man! I wrote a book. I wanted to share all these great stories and experiences. Over the years, I’ve become the “Rock Doc”.

Rick: I saw the picture on your book. You’re there with a snare drum and I think a cymbal in your seat. Do you have this drum kit now?

Neil Ratner: No, I don’t have a drum kit, but I do have a house full of drums [Rick laughs]. When I moved up here to Woodstock about 15 years ago, my wife had been a professional dancer. She’s got a story too playboy bunny, Vegas showgirl. But, she was into African dancing, so I’m very into African drumming. And I’m a player of sorts. I’ve got a whole collection here of djembes and dunduns and other African drums.

Rick: Cool, you know, I love Mali music.

Neil Ratner: Mali music: I learned in the Guinea tradition.

I’m not sure if it’s the same. But, I’ve got to tell you, man, I was a drummer. I was sure it couldn’t be that difficult. And it was unbelievably difficult. The rhythms were just so off and so unlike anything I had ever done. It was a real trip and it was great. It expanded my drumming knowledge, but that’s about all the drumming I do.

Rick: Yeah, I’m supposed to interview Jack Ashford from the Funk Brothers. Are you familiar?

Neil Ratner: Nice! Yeah.

Rick: Yeah. He’s like the tambourine guy and I didn’t know tambourine was so complex.

Neil Ratner: You watch a good tambourine player like Elton John’s ‘percussionist. Ray Cooper and watch how he plays the tambourine and you realize it’s a serious art. It’s a special instrument.

Rick: After reading about it, I went and I got a bunch of antique tambourines from like the 1920s.

Neil Ratner: No kidding [Both laugh]!

Rick: Yeah, kinda funny, but I collect vintage guitars. I guess I don’t just collect them. I play guitar, so I’ve got about 14 old guitars from the ’20s, ’30s and ’40s – Gibsons and Martins and stuff. So, let’s see where we were…you moved into a world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll (or pop, I suppose, with Michael Jackson) and it’s often on the fulcrum or the edge of risk.

And sometimes you teetered over to the wrong side, obviously, as you state in your book in a couple places. Do you find a life in music and a life in medicine both fueled by the same kind of cauldron of emotional needs?

Neil Ratner: That’s an interesting question.

In many ways, the pressure was similar in terms of getting a band on the stage every night and putting a patient to sleep and waking a patient up. Don’t forget, I was an anesthesiologist. I think in terms of your question, it would probably be answered differently depending on the type of physician.

An anesthesiologist lives in a world full of pressure, we’re kind of like airplane pilots where it was very intense during takeoff and landing. In other words, I think I say in the book, ” “Hours of boredom with moments of Terror,” [Both laugh]

Rick: Were you in stressful situations? I would assume your medical work is and certain situations that I saw in the book. Did you eventually become sort of the eye of the storm where you’re the calm person and just handling stuff?

Neil Ratner: Yes, no question about it. I mean, to a certain extent, if you’re on the road and your company is in charge of everything, you better keep your cool because if you start to freak out at every little thing that happens, then you’re not going to be very good at your gig.

So yes, that was something that I had to learn to do. Same thing in the operating room – during times of crisis you better be calm, because bad things happen quickly in anesthesia. And if you’re not quick to correct them, they can go downhill extremely fast.

At a rock and roll show, it’s the same thing. I remember one Emerson, Lake & Palmer gig. I think we were running all kinds of phase linear amplifiers. That was our power. And we had some sort of a crazy power surge that blew like 10 of them, which is all we had. Then to do the gig, we had to get a generator.

You know – high-pressure situations happen, I suppose in every kind of field, but yes, there were similarities there between trying to run a tour on the road and trying to create a successful anesthetic experience during an operation.

Rick: Yeah. It’s interesting. A friend of mine teaches and talks about fear and anger. He said what happens when people get really excited and angry, what happens is the blood from their brain goes to their limbs, so you don’t think as well. So, it sounds to me like you kind of recognized that and you were able to stay calm.

Neil Ratner: Interesting. It’s something that I did have to learn, and I did have to teach myself. There was one other time in my life where I certainly had to use that same experience of staying calm.

As you said, I’ve had good and bad things happen to me, and I did spend a little bit of time as a guest of the federal government.

Long story, had to do with my fertility practice. People will have to read about it. I’m not going to go into it, but believe me; when you’re dropped in a federal prison [Laughs], you better stay calm.

You better use those same talents, [Both laugh] because you’re in a very interesting, unusual situation that you need to be very aware of your surroundings.

Rick: When you were with ELP and Edgar Winter’s White Trash, what were some of the toughest challenges besides what you say in your book: getting the money and making sure the sound system was right? [

Neil Ratner: Well, one of the toughest challenges of being a road manager or a tour manager, you know, with these groups, is dealing with the emotional problems [Both laugh] and situations that each of the band members may or may not have.

Rick: So, you’re a facilitator/mediator? [Both laugh]

Neil Ratner: Certainly, a facilitator, a psychologist. Now this is not meant to be sexist in any way, shape, form or manner, but many times the other thing that you had to deal with, which got to be very difficult, were the wives and the girlfriends.

Particularly in the situation with a band like Emerson, Lake & Palmer where you had three stars.

If the wife or the girlfriend and their husband or boyfriend isn’t getting the attention he deserves, you’re gonna hear about it. It’s going to be your job to make sure they don’t rile up their husband or boyfriend and create a terrible problem within the band.

That was important, and then just the interpersonal relationships among band members. That can be difficult to deal with oh, you know. You’ve dealt with musicians your whole life [Laughs].

Rick: We’re an interesting breed.

Neil Ratner: Yeah, interesting breed and you get strange combinations!

Peter Watts, sound engineer for Pink Floyd, and Neil Ratner.

Rick: But there’s an old joke that guitar players say that the reason they have a drummer is because that’s the guy who goes and gets the beer.

So, as a drummer/doctor, the joke takes on kind of an interesting twist when you get to the medical needs of Michael. I would think that – and I don’t want delve into this too much – I just want to ask.

I think there was not only a balancing act between prescribing medicine to tend to your patient because that’s what he ultimately was, as well as a friend over time, while at the same time working not to enable him.

So, did you find that there’s always a balancing act with that and did you find yourself reflecting on where you needed to draw the line between those two? Where did you need to draw the line between those two?

Neil Ratner: One hundred percent it was a balancing act. It was a difficult line to draw.

Rick: I bet. Yeah.

Neil Ratner: But, as far as I was concerned, I was the doctor. I was the expert. Therefore, I had to control whatever situation I put myself in medically, with any patient, be it Michael or anyone else.

You take the Hippocratic Oath. That’s a serious thing – a serious part of medical school. And one of the most important parts of it is, “I will do no harm.”

So, you’re always thinking about that balancing act of, “Well, how am I going to help him and am I going to harm him in any way by doing this. It was a difficult situation to me, because he was a friend. He was obviously in trouble and it was very obvious to me that other doctors were not thinking out-of-the-box.

Rick: I think I found that the key to why you stayed as long as you did was to protect him from others.

Neil Ratner: Well, to protect him from others and to protect him from himself.

He was his own worst enemy. He created his own problems, yeah. He had lots of facilitators who jumped in on the magic, so to speak. That’s another thing. A lot of times when you get around stars, especially a really big star, you get so caught up in their magic that you lose your ethical, moral, every other consideration that you would make if you weren’t in a situation like that.

Rick: Yeah, you lose your grounding, I would think.

Neil Ratner: Totally. Totally. It’s very important that you stay grounded and you treat that person like anybody else.

Rick: I’d think you’d also want to always keep in mind, “If I need to walk away, I need to walk away.”

Neil Ratner: I would have walked away at any point where I felt anything untoward was happening or if I felt I was harming him in any way, or if I saw anything that I was uncomfortable with.

I didn’t need to be there other than to try and help a friend and do a good job at what I was trying to do. I had been in the rock and roll business. I was not taken out by that magic, you know, and that’s why I controlled the treatments. I controlled when, where, how, fully monitored, totally under my control and not Michael’s, and if he didn’t like it, too bad. Then I’ll leave. You can go get somebody else. I don’t care. I’m trying to help you here.

Rick: Yeah, and I would think the most frustrating is a patient – and I don’t mean him – but a patient in general, where there are some things you don’t control, when they don’t comply with what you want them to do, and they’re not in your sight 24 hours a day.

Neil Ratner: No, they’re not and you could only do what you can do when you’re with them. That’s for sure. In the end though, I’ll say this. I felt I did the best I could under the circumstances.

I created a one-of-a-kind treatment for a one-of-a-kind individual and for the eight years and maybe 25 times that I did it with him, I think it was successful for what we were trying to accomplish.

Leann Ratner, Michael Jackson and Dr. Neil Ratner.

Rick: I want to get into is your charity work in Africa, and I want to talk about the sustainability concept that you talked about in your book. There are a number of other things and it all has to do with, good solid grounded values that we’ve talked about and looking back on your life and what’s your biggest blessing and I’m sure you’re going to say your wife, but I want to get that in there, and then how you feel now.

Neil Ratner: She’ll appreciate that one.

Rick: We were talking about the idea of tending to your patient, at least in the sense with Michael Jackson, while at the same time trying not to enable your patient. And I think I was asking, did you find yourself reflecting on where that line needed to be drawn by you? I recall that you said almost on a daily basis, right?

Neil Ratner: Well, not necessarily on a daily basis, but basically, Michael was my friend. I was his doctor – one of his doctors – obviously, he had many doctors.

I just tried to give him the best possible advice that I could, but again, the kind of treatments that I was giving him were very serious business,. I was an expert as you know from the book. I started focusing on anesthesiology when Propofol didn’t exist. When it first was approved for use in the US, I was one of the first to grab it. I used it extensively for years and years and years through thousands of cases before I ever met Michael. So I knew what I was doing.

As I said to you before, it was somewhat out-of-the-box, and because of that, I had to be in total control. I don’t give a shit if he was Michael Jackson or fucking Donald Trump or the Pope. It doesn’t really matter, and I made that clear to him: “Listen, this is serious business. This is not a joke. I’ll do it because I think it can help you temporarily.” I was always looking for a way to transition him.

If you remember in the book, at one point I got him a Chinese herbalist. We tried that. These treatments were never meant to be a permanent or daily thing.

For me, it was just when it was absolutely necessary to get him on stage, That’s why over the eight years, it was infrequent, not frequent. When I had to care for him in that way, it was under my terms, period. If he didn’t like it, tough shit. Walk away. I don’t care.

That’s how I drew the line. I used my expertise to decide what I felt I was comfortable with and that’s where I drew the line. If you don’t like it, go somewhere else. You need me more than I need you, man. I don’t give a shit that you’re Michael Jackson. This is something different.

Rick: Yeah, exactly. I don’t know when you were doing this, but there was a study in 1987 – and I don’t know how good or how extensive the study was – by the International Conference of Symphony and Opera Musicians. It found that 27% of those interviewed admitted that they used beta blockers, and that’s what that is, right?

Neil Ratner: No.

Rick: It’s not? Wow. Let me see what this says here.

Neil Ratner: No, no, I believe the story about beta blockers. I’ll explain it to you.

Rick: But, it says beta blockers such as propanolol for musical…

Neil Ratner: Propanolol not Propofol

Rick: Okay.

Neil Ratner: You know why they use beta blockers? Do you know the theory behind that or medicine behind that? I’ll tell you very quickly.

We have a sympathetic and a parasympathetic nervous system. They are complementary to each other, fight or flight. The sympathetic nervous system is adrenaline. So, when you get excited, your heart goes faster, your blood pressure goes up, and the parasympathetic system is the opposite. When people have to perform or go for public speaking, a lot of times they get very nervous.

So, you can take a small dose of a beta blocker. There are alpha and beta receptors in the nervous system. The beta receptors are what make you nervous feeling and your heart go fast and all that shit. So, you can take a mild beta blocker before you have to go out and perform. It will keep you where you need to be without affecting anything else.

Rick: Ah, okay.

Neil Ratner: That’s what beta blockers do. What I’m talking about it’s something totally different. I’m talking about sleep therapy that I did for Michael.

And that was Propofol.

Rick: Okay, because the other medicine actually causes insomnia.

Neil Ratner: It can. It could also cause a little bit of impotence and various other things, but not in very small doses just for performance anxiety. Great drug for performance anxiety.

Rick: That was my mistake, but thank you.

Neil Ratner: No problem [Both laugh]. I like to educate, you know?

Rick: Good, good.

Neil Ratner: And I think it’s important for people to know that I’m a real doctor,.

Rick: Exactly, that’s good. I suppose there’s also the dynamic of how much do you do as a doctor, or how much you should do to manage your patients since patients have a certain responsibility that you can’t control, right? Do you use the carrot or the stick approach or both approaches? How do you know what to use to try to motivate a patient to be compliant?

Neil Ratner: You know, as an anesthesiologist, you’re not really in that world.

Rick: That’s true.

Neil Ratner: Because you’re taking control of that patient. What you need to do is make that patient comfortable with the fact that you’re now going to be in control for whatever length of time the operation, the treatment.

It’s a whole different kind of medicine, a whole different kind of doctor. It’s interesting when you think about it. As an anesthesiologist, I didn’t treat disease in the course of my job. My job was to facilitate what the surgeon did. I had a very unique perspective on it, because my perspective was – Okay, I had been in the rock and roll business, right?

Rick: Right.

Neil Ratner: I had done my share of drugs. I was in the rehab, the whole deal. And I was very knowledgeable on all of those kinds of street drugs. I knew by personal experience: sex, drugs and rock and roll.

Rick: Sure.

Neil Ratner: I say this as a joke to people, but it’s not really a joke Anesthesiologist’s were afraid to go alone into a doctor’s office because the drugs that were available back in those days were not really conducive to office anesthesia, but I had had much more personal experience with most of those drugs then than many of these other guys had.

I knew the drugs available to me as an anesthesiologist would be similar or could produce similar effects. My theory was that if I used the right drugs and I mixed them correctly, why can’t I give a patient a unique experience in the operating room apart from whatever the surgeon is doing?

Rick: Sure, sure.

Neil Ratner: The other thing I introduced that was new at the time – I brought a Sony Walkman in and would play spiritually uplifting, non-worded music. The entire time of the operation, the patient would have the headphones on. I would bring them in with a creative visualization, where I’d speak to them the night before and explain to them: pick a special place, blah blah blah.

I would work that whole thing to create a set and setting: the right environment, the right feeling, so that, again, the anesthetic experience was more than just drugs that made you nauseous and allowed the surgeon to work. I was very successful in doing it that way. My approach was very unique, very different.

Rick: So the music – was that chosen by you or your patients? Was it something like Enya?

Neil Ratner: You know, it was interesting, I would usually choose the music unless the patient had a special request. But I had certain requirements for the music. Again, non-worded, spiritually uplifting. New Age kind of stuff before New Age existed: certain classical pieces, certain rock pieces, but they had to be of a certain type. Words get in the way.

I wanted things that helped to produce positive emotions. I didn’t want patients to listen to the words. I wanted them to feel the music. And, of course, they’re only feeling it until they go to sleep.

But, a lot of these procedures were under what’s called conscious sedation, which meant that they weren’t really unconscious. They were in this sort of in-between space. Again, although they might not consciously remember the music, there’s some part of the unconscious brain that’s recording the experience. if it’s a pleasant experience, it’s better for you [Both laugh].

Rick: I used to call that ‘dreality’ – partial dream, partial reality.

Neil Ratner: ‘Dreality’: I like that! [Both laugh] I may use that.

Rick: That was back in the ’70s I came up with that.

Neil Ratner: I like it!

Rick: Use it! Use it [Both laugh]! That brings up an interesting point about the music, because I know you talked about Michael Jackson and his song “Smile.” You knew that was originally Charlie Chaplin?

Neil Ratner: I knew that was the Charlie Chaplin song, and Michael and I had talked about it because he used it. I think when we first talked about it, when I first went on tour – on the History tour. It was shortly after Princess Diana had died. And you know I’ve got that chapter in the book about Michael and Princess Di, although they only met once…

Rick: They talked a lot, yeah.

Neil Ratner: They had late-night phone conversations and all that stuff. Before the first show, Michael said to me, “Make sure you’re out in front,” like in the audience, “because I want you to see how it starts.” He didn’t tell me what it was. It started with a tribute to Princess Di, and I think that was the first song. So afterward, Michael and I talked about it. He loved Charlie Chaplin. That happened to be one of his favorite songs and he related it to Di, and so he used it that way.

Rick: When I was digging into that song, I didn’t realize. I thought Charlie Chaplin wrote the lyrics, as well, but he made the melody. In 1954, two guys added words to it, apparently.

Neil Ratner: That’s interesting. I didn’t know that. That’s very interesting. But, I’ll tell you something that I’ll never forget. You know Charlie Chaplin was shunned by the Academy for his Communist leanings and what not?

Rick: Yes.

Neil Ratner: But then, I don’t remember when it was – maybe it was in the ’60s or something – they invited him back. He was very, very old. They invited him back. I’ll never forget watching that because he came out to that song. It’s like burned in my mind: that, and the Michael time, being every night there on tour for awhile.

Rick: He was brilliant.

Neil Ratner: Oh, yeah. Was he ever.

Rick: Let’s move a little bit, or a lot, to what I find to be very commendable work that you’ve done in Africa. You mentioned the word ‘sustainable’ with the work. I think somebody brought up the question, “Was your work sustainable?” and from there it gave you the idea that it should be sustainable, right?

Neil Ratner: Correct, that’s exactly right. Basically, what happened was in the ’90s, my wife and I decided to go to Africa. She had had this dream of going on safari from the Tarzan movies when she was a kid or whatever. We booked a small safari with one of these companies.

I had some experiences previously. I had been in rehab. I’m sure I talked about this somewhere along the way. When I got out of rehab, I met a man who I started working with who’s sort of like a modern-day shaman. Charles Lawrence is his name. I’ve mentioned him in various parts of the book. He turned me on to Native American culture, indigenous culture. I became a pipe carrier.

Rick: Hmm, wow!

Neil Ratner: I studied ritual and ceremony, just learned to fill that space – you know how they say you’ve got to fill the space that the drugs took, the emptiness and whatever. At any rate, I got really into all of that. So, when we went to Africa, I had the desire to go to a real village, an indigenous village, not one of these tourist villages – a real village.

There were about 10 or 15 of us on the safari. I spoke to the guide. She said, “I know one, but you’ve got to convince the other people,” blah blah blah. I convinced everybody we should go. We had to drive. It was hours from the camp. It was in Samburu land, in the northeastern portion of Kenya, near the Somali border.

Rick: Yeah, I’ve been to Kenya.

Neil Ratner: She took us to this incredible native village. It was like being in National Geographic: primitive with huts made of mud and dung. Among other things, they showed us how they shot the arrow in the calf and used blood as their main food source. They had 25 different ways of preparing it,

So we’re getting ready to leave. We got in the vans and I saw the chief carrying this kid and having a conversation with the guide. It looked like they were arguing. I had made the arrangements. I felt like I needed to get involved.

Long story short: the kid was sick. They knew I was a doctor, because that’s the only way they allowed us to come, because the guide had said, “Famous New York doctor. Don’t bother him. Maybe he’ll come back and help the village. Don’t bother him.”

But, of course, there was a sick kid and I was a doctor. Basically, he wanted me to look at the kid. Without thinking, I agreed, not realizing that I had no tools. I’m just standing there in the middle of the desert in Northern Africa. But having gone to medical school in Mexico, I learned about the tools of my body: my eyes, my ears, my hands. I realized maybe, maybe I could make some kind of a diagnosis. Fortunately, I could.

We go back and I had all these antibiotics. I took out all the antibiotics that I brought, made a huge pile of powder, figured out milligrams per kilogram, what the kid weighed. My wife sat there and we portioned out doses in little packs of paper. Went back the next day. I gave him the medicine and I that told them what I thought the diagnosis was and hoped for the best. Six months later, the chief sent me his spear, which was a huge, big deal.

That’s really what started me on the charity route although I’ve sort of taken a break right now while I’m working on the book.

But, it’s not over. It’s something that is my intention to actively go back to and use whatever celebrity I can get as a jumping-off point to create something even bigger and more sustainable and more important.

At any rate, I had a friend in the city: a very famous infectious disease doctor named Kevin Cahill, I had to go to him and tell him the story. I was really proud of the story. He’s a tough Irish guy – he’s treated Popes and Presidents and everything else. And he just looks at me and says, “Ahh, what do you think you did? If you went back there tomorrow, did you change anything? The kid’s probably sick again! Did you do anything sustainable? Without sustainability, these things never last!”

I split from his office with my tail between my legs thinking, “Oh, shit. Was that just a vanity project? Did I make myself feel good?”

Rick: Yes and no: you did what you thought was right.

Neil Ratner: I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time. But, he made me aware that there was more that I could do, and maybe that I should do.

Rick: He planted the seed.

Neil Ratner: Totally. Then I said, “You know what? We’re going back. We’re going to see if we can create something sustainable out of what I did there.”

And we did. We went back and on my own dime, we were successful: Got a government nurse involved. There’s a picture there of me treating kids in the little schoolhouse.

Rick: Right, I saw that.

Neil Ratner: So, we were successful, and that started me. I got to know a lot of people in Kenya and we love Kenya. I tell this story in the book. I come home one day and can I see my wife watching TV. What is she watching? The rubble of the American Embassy in Nairobi. I’m shocked and horrified. It wasn’t long before the phone rang and some very famous friends of ours, Iain and Oria Douglas-Hamilton – check them out. They’re incredible people.

Rick: Okay, will do.

Neil Ratner: Iain Douglas-Hamilton, was a doctoral student at Oxford studying elephants in the ’60s. He realized if we don’t know their migration routes, we’ll never save them. So, he was the first guy to start collaring elephants. He’s like the grandfather of the elephant conservation movement. He’s still alive, probably in his late 70s or early 80s.

At any rate, they became good friends. They called, “You must help.” They hooked me up with an African charity. I helped put together a mission of mercy: I got the anesthesiologists. They got international reconstructive surgeons. We went back a couple of months later. The acute injuries had been taken care of, but over 300 people had injuries that were not properly taken care of – injuries that can really hurt people emotionally.

Rick: Like the boy with the jaw n your book, right?

Neil Ratner: The boy with the jaw, right. Or how about the guy with the ear?

Rick: Oh, yeah! That’s pretty amazing! He just wanted to put his glasses on, right?

Neil Ratner: Right, right. Just the incredible stuff like that that never got fixed: that was our mission, to go and fix it. It was really the first al-Qaeda situation.

We operated on 300 people in the course of two weeks. It was an amazing experience. We donated a quarter million dollars worth of equipment because we brought everything. I solicited everybody. I jumped up people’s asses like you wouldn’t believe [Both laugh], try to make them feel as guilty and bad as possible.

Rick: Hey, it worked.

Neil Ratner: Yes, it did.

Rick: This reminds me of my next door neighbor. He’s with a foundation called the Numi Foundation. They build water infrastructure systems so people have clean water.

He says they don’t parachute in and leave. They make sure the water supply is clean and sustainable and they train people who are indigenous to the country. Now I think they’re working in a village in India. The whole idea of having clean water, which we don’t think about here in the states, but apparently is horrendous.

Neil Ratner: It’s the world’s biggest problem. Much disease is caused by dirty water. You wouldn’t believe the statistics. It’s funny you should mention that, because in recent years I’ve been looking at various things and I do a fair amount of travel. My wife and I went to Peru. We did Machu Picchu for a week. We did a week on the Amazon on a boat.

Rick: Nice.

Neil:Ratner Which was even cooler, quite honestly.

Rick: A friend of mine did that. She said she was almost attacked by a monkey. She was afraid she was going to have her face torn off.

Neil Ratner: Monkeys can be vicious. Trust me [Both laugh]. I was looking to see if there was something I could get involved in. One of the things that I looked into was water. I looked into all of that and know a lot about it. It never happened, but it’s a huge problem and there are some really nice solutions and organizations like your friend’s. It’s a huge problem that the world is going to have to address whether they want to or not.

But getting back to my charity story. I moved to Woodstock, New York, after I was in jail and stopped being a doctor and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I read an article in the local paper about a local baker who had been to South Africa and was very moved by the HIV crisis and wanted to do something, but he didn’t know what to do. By that point, I had spent an enormous amount of time in South Africa.

After Kenya, my wife and I became safari junkies and we just wanted to go on safari wherever we could. We started to go to Botswana and Zimbabwe. Then we found South Africa, and South Africa has a lot to offer. When I started going on the road with Michael, I met more people in South Africa, including Nelson Mandela.

Neil meets Nelson “Madiba” Mandela.

I first went to South Africa on tour with Michael during the History tour, and I said to him, “Mandela’s one of my heroes. Can you just make sure I at least get a picture or shake his hand?” [In Michael’s voice] “Oh, don’t worry about it. You’ll get it.”

Sure enough,he was president when we were down there. Mandela and his entourage came in to the dressing room after the show and when the president stopped to shake my hand he said “Oh, I didn’t know Michael had a doctor!” [Both laugh ] Later on Michael called me down to take the photos with him. So that was like unbelievable to begin with, then a couple of years later after we had done the charity tour, partly for the Mandela Children’s Fund, as a birthday present.

Michael called me and said, “Man, I got a present for you!” “What do you mean?” “No, I’ve got a present for you.” “Don’t give me no birthday present, Michael.” “No, no, man. I’ve got to give you a birthday present. I got a birthday present.” For Michael to say that – don’t forget, when I met him, he was a Jehovah’s Witness.

He didn’t celebrate birthdays. I talked about it in the book. I got on his ass about that, particularly when he had kids.

Rick: That’s right. You talked about Christmas.

Neil Ratner: ” You’ve got kids now Christmas and Birthdays are important.” And I talked to Michael like I’m talking to you.

Rick: Uh huh, that’s funny.

Neil Ratner: He was my friend. I didn’t really care. He hated when I cursed, coming from a family with a father who started in the trucking business. I have a truck driver’s mouth.

Two years later I got to go back and really spend time with Mandela. That’s the pictures you see. That was when we went back on the charity tour. He heard about what I did in Kenya and he said to me, “Come back and do something here.”

Fast forward to two years later, and I meet this guy and he wants to do something in South Africa. I’m itching to get back into the charity world, so we decide to do something, not knowing really what to do. We never had started a charity.

I had done all my stuff very independently. We started to research. At first we thought we would make some better bread. And we thought that was ridiculous: we should create bakeries, little micro-bakeries. We came up with a plan. We heard about a contest that the Dutch government was running called Business and Development: Make Poverty Your Business. What a great slogan, right?

Rick: Yeah.

Neil Ratner: Make Poverty Your Business. Because the whole point here is in the charity world, there ain’t enough to go around. Everybody’s got their hand out. There is not enough to go around, so the best thing you can do is to teach people to be self-sufficient in some kind of a significant way.

Rick: Yeah, teach them how to fish. The old adage.

Neil with freshly baked bread from the bakery in Nkosis village.

Neil Ratner: We co-opted that. “Give them a loaf of bread, you feed them for a week. Teach them how to bake the bread and you feed the village forever.”

Rick: Exactly.

Neil Ratner: That was our plan. I worked my ass off coming up with five-year projections and all the forms for the Dutch government. Lo and behold, we were the only American company that entered the contest. We took second place.

Rick: Wow!

Neil Ratner: We went to Holland and we got a little notoriety, and more importantly we got a little money. We got a little money we raised a little money. We still didn’t have enough money. I thought we could raise some money in South Africa.

I called my friend there who is like Mandela’s adopted son. I wanted him to get involved and help us. He called me back a couple of days later and said, “I spoke to the old man for you.” “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

I knew who he was talking about. “I want to help you. I’m going to send you five of his books for a fundraiser. He’ll endorse them any way you want. He likes what you’re doing and wants to help you.” And we did. We ran a fundraiser. We had the Mandela books and we raised enough money to create the first bakery.

Rick: Wow, terrific!

Neil Ratner: We did, and we decided to put the first bakery in the craziest place ever. When my partner had gone to South Africa, getting back to HIV, he had gone to a program for single moms with HIV and their kids. That’s where he baked bread. It was a famous program called Nkosi’s Haven. There’s a whole story about it in a book called We Are All the Same, written by an ABC TV correspondent and it was actually nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.

It’s the story of this white woman who adopts a black, township, HIV kid. It’s about her struggles and their struggles and the fact that she, almost single-handedly, fought the South African school system to get him into school.

Up until that point, HIV kids couldn’t go to school. She was successful. When he died, she created a program in his honor; that’s where my partner had baked bread. We ended up giving them the first bakery as the first sustainable business.

Rick: Good for you.

Neil Ratner: Then we went on to do two more bakeries. We did one in the townships around Cape Town, which was crazy. But the most difficult one I did alone. I split from him and then I did one in, arguably, the most dangerous neighborhood in the Western Hemisphere, which was right outside of Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

Rick: Really?

Neil Ratner: Yes, with no sanitation, no running water, essentially no electricity, and we came up with solutions. Then I got involved in the book and that’s where charity stands with me at the moment.

INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY BAKERIES

Rick: Okay, good stuff. Let’s circle back a bit. Having been a performer or manager for some legendary rock and blues groups, managing International tours, overcoming addiction, and working with and being a friend to one of the greatest performers of all time, you find yourself in federal prison. How did that experience change you, and were there any revelations? Or did you find that you just needed to get back to the basics – good, solid, grounded values? Did you find that you had lost the idea that you needed to draw the line maybe firmer than you had in the past?

Neil Ratner: Certainly the first thing I would say about it is the experience humbled me and the experience took me off my high horse. The experience made me realize that I was no different or more special than anyone else.

So, it took me back to basic human values, ethics, morals. Absolutely should have drawn the line. Absolutely. Knew what I was doing was wrong. Did it anyway, figured everybody did it so that it wouldn’t be my problem, and I couldn’t have been more wrong. It gave me a chance to reflect. It gave me a chance to read.

When do you have the time to just sit and read books? I was working too, because I was in a work camp, but I still had a lot of time to read, and a lot of time to be reflective.

Rather than isolate myself, I interacted with the people around me. Let me say this: I was in the minority. This was not a prison filled with white-collar criminals. The majority of the people were black and Hispanic. It was a sad situation because many, many of them should never have been there.

If they were white, if they had had a couple of bucks, they never would have been there. They just got caught in this ridiculous situation of what their lives were. The only way out was the way that they felt that they had to choose. Some of them, you’re talking about a couple of joints or something: five years, 10 years. How shall I put it? – it gave me pause to think about a lot of things, to think about what our society is like, that we put all these people in jail.

Rick: That reminds me. Do you remember John Sinclair?

Neil Ratner: Yes, I do.

Rick: He got 10 years for giving two joints to two undercover cops.

Neil Ratner: Oh, I know. Terrible.

Rick: I went to the John Sinclair concert where John Lennon played back in ’71.

Neil Ratner: Was that in Toronto?

Rick: No, that was at the University of Michigan.

Neil Ratner: Right, right. “Free John Sinclair.”

So prison was kind of a trip. I had a couple of experiences in prison that blew my mind: getting to play the drums.

Rick: Really?

Neil Ratner: So, I finally get to the work camp. I’m freaked out because I think I’m going to this low-security place and when I pull up, it’s a real prison with big towers. It looks like something out of a James Cagney movie.

Rick: Not the country club.

Neil Ratner: No, not the country club. I didn’t realize you had to go through a medium-security prison to get down to the low-security camp. Everybody goes through that. But eventually I got to the camp. One night, I’m sitting around and I hear music. It’s going to be one of those ‘I hear music’ stories.

Rick: [Laughs] It wasn’t Rick Derringer, was it?

Neil Ratner: It wasn’t Rick Derringer, but I’m following the sound, and I get to this door that says ‘Authorized Inmates Only’.

I hear there’s a band inside, so I say, “Screw this. I’m authorized. I’m going in.” I get in and it’s a little room and there’s a big Latin band in there. There are a couple of guitar players, a bass player, a drummer, a couple of percussion players:

I couldn’t believe it! The place was packed and the guys can play! I’m sitting there and there’s a cowbell or some shit on the floor, so I pick it up and start playing [Both laugh]. I decide, I’ve got to be a part of this. I waited until the room cleared out and I see this one guy who seems to be the leader. I start talking to him, and one thing leads to another. He says to come back next week, and then he realizes – I let him know – I can speak Spanish from my time in Mexico.

One thing led to another and I was in the band. We did a gig for the prison population on Labor Day, so I got my ultimate dream of being in a band playing in front of the public [Both laugh]. That was one prison experience.

The other one: I was in the camp for a while and a friend comes up to me. He says, “You know there’s a sweat lodge here.”

Rick: A sweat lodge?

Neil Ratner: I said, “What are you talking about? It’s fucking jail, man!” He says, “No, no. I’m telling you there’s a native religious group here. There’s a sweat lodge. I want to go talk to the chief. Do you want to do it with me?”

Rick: Wow.

Neil Ratner: I said, “Are you kidding?” I told you I had been involved with my friend Charles in all kinds of Native American stuff and spirituality, but I never did sweat lodge. Sure enough, he talks to the chief and there is a Native American group there. And the reason there is that … I don’t know when it is. I talk about it in the book. Some year, in prison, religious freedom was treated as a privilege. It was challenged and they won the challenge. I think the Supreme Court ruled that religious freedom is a right in a prison.

Rick: Yes.

Neil Ratner: No matter what your religion is, you’re allowed to practice it if you’re sincere and you’re really a part of that religion.

Rick: What if you’re a Rastafarian?

Neil Ratner: [Both laugh] That’s a good question! I’m sure they let you practice without the weed. At any rate, they have this little area, and on Saturdays – Very authentic. The Inipi and the fires and whole deal. I did it for 10 weeks and it was unbelievable. To go to prison and to get that experience was just beyond the beyond, between that and playing in the band.

I’m not saying anybody should go to prison, but I was able to make it into something that was important and significant for me that had lasting effects.

Rick: That’s good. Something that’s sustainable.

Neil Ratner: Something that’s sustainable, that’s right [Both laugh].

Rick: This next question, you better get right. Are you ready? When you look back on your life oh, what has been the biggest blessing and why? You better talk about your wife [Laughs].

Neil Ratner: I was going to say, truthfully, the 42 years with Leann.

Rick: You’re a smart man.

Neil Ratner: Finding a soulmate, having somebody that you can share your life with. Life is only fun if you can share these experiences with somebody else. If you can sit at night and talk about them and laugh about them and remember them with somebody. To be able to find that person early on and be able to spend so much time and so much of your life and have so many of the experiences together is truly a blessing.

Dr. Neil Ratner

Rick: Yeah. I told a friend of mine a few weeks ago, “You don’t remember days a lot, but you do remember moments and you remember special moments.” So, I hope you got a lot of special moments that you and your wife remember together.

Neil Ratner: There are a lot of special moments in the book. One of the most special moments that I’ll tell you about relative to my wife and I: my wife grew up very poor. She left home when she was 16 years old from Cleveland, Ohio. She had a shitty childhood, a crazy mother, real father left, stepfather was nice but she grew up in Little Italy in Cleveland. At 16, she took the Greyhound bus to New York City and started working for Arthur Murray. (Dance Studio)

Rick: Wow.

Neil Ratner: She lifted herself up. She became a Playboy Bunny in New Orleans. Was Bunny Mother of the New York Bunny Club, a Vegas showgirl, and all this stuff. She gets to meet Nelson Mandela when we go back to South Africa, when Michael’s giving me the birthday present. We went back and got to spend the afternoon with Mandela, his wife, Michael, the kids: that’s where those pictures in the book all came from. And, she’s just blown away.

We go back to the room and she’s crying. I say, “What’s the matter? Why are you crying?” She said, “I felt like Cinderella. I never thought my life could turn out this way. I never thought that I could have an experience like this, know people like this, be like this.”

Rick: That’s sweet.

Neil Ratner: And, you know, that was one of those moments.

Rick: That’s touching.

Neil Ratner: Yeah, that was one of those moments. We’ve been very fortunate and blessed to have quite a few of them.

Rick: Good for you, good for you. (Pauses) Michael passed away almost 10 years ago.

Neil Ratner: June 25.

Rick: That’s right. July 25th is your anniversary.

Neil Ratner: That’s correct

Rick: I paid attention! So he passed away nearly 10 years ago: what special moments light up those memories making them so special for you? Or are there just too many of them?

Neil Ratner: Yes, there are too many of them to mention, but I’ll mention a few.

Being with Michael in Africa. Michael loved Africa. Michael wanted to live in Africa. He was a different person when we were in Africa. I got to spend time with him both on tour and when he went back privately to give Mandela the money and stuff like that. It was special to be with Michael in Africa. People may not consider him a black man, but if you saw him in Africa, you’d know he was a black man.

Rick: He wanted to build a house on the hill right in South Africa.

Neil Ratner: Right behind Sun City, yep. Absolutely. And I think he would have. I honestly think he would have. So, that was a special time.

Another special time – you might remember this one from the book – this was a trip, man. We go out to California, the Beverly Hills Hotel. He’s supposed to do some shoots and stuff. I said I’d hang with him and work with him a little bit. All the shoots get canceled. It’s right after 9/11 and he says, “Let’s go to Neverland for the weekend.”

I was with Leann and she hadn’t been to Neverland. I had already been there a couple of times. She hadn’t been so it was like the greatest thing ever. Again, that was another special moment for Leann, going to Neverland. Just Michael, Leann, me and the kids: the whole weekend.

So he had to go in the studio. We were there Thursday night and he had to go in the studio on Friday. We’ll go to Neverland on Saturday, but he says we’re going to dinner on Friday night. He said to be ready and get dressed nice.

Michael never told me to get dressed nice, so what do you mean, get dressed nice? Typical Michael, we’re in the Beverly Hills Hotel and he’s late. He might have said 6:00 and it’s now 7:00, 7:30. I’m calling security. They say they’re hung up, but will be there.

I get disgusted and we take off the nice clothes and are getting ready to leave, and security calls to meet us downstairs. We meet him actually in the hall. We go on a special elevator and the Beverly Hills Hotel has a special garage a couple of floors under the normal garage. And there are two of the most unbelievable Daimler limousines – Mercedes Daimlers like the Queen uses.

He says, “Rat, you and Leann, that one’s for you.” “That’s great. Where are we going?” “Uh-uh.” He runs to the other one with the kids. We get in the car. I ask the driver, who’s an ex-cop, one of his security, where we’re going.

“I don’t know where we’re going. Just following,” he says.

We’re driving behind the Beverly Hills Hotel in the Hollywood Hills and we pull up to a nondescript house – a nice house, but no big deal. I don’t know where we are. Nobody knows where we are. He pulls up like two minutes before. I see him and the kids run in the house and we’re just walking to the door.

The doors open and we can see a blonde lady standing at the door waiting to greet us. Still, don’t know where the hell we are. We walk up to this lady and she looks very familiar; now that I’m close to her. She puts out her hand and says, “Hi, I’m Angie Dickinson.”

Rick: Oh, really?

Rick: Was she married to Burt Bacharach?

Neil Ratner: No, not at that time. This was in 2000 and something, 2001 maybe.

Yeah, because it was right after 9/11, so it was 2001. We go in the house and it’s a nice house. I see pictures on the wall and I see Michael talking to this tall guy who I do recognize and then I realize where we are We’re in Gregory Peck’s house. Michael’s talking to Gregory Peck.

Rick: Amazing [Both laugh].

Neil Ratner: Needless to say, it was an unbelievable dinner, very down-home. Unbelievable conversation. What I didn’t know until after the fact was that Gregory was like a father to Michael.

Rick: Oh, really?

Neil Ratner: Yeah, they had this very special relationship. Michael would go to him for advice. Before we left that night, he and Gregory went into a bedroom together alone. But, I’m telling you, sitting across from Atticus Finch…

Rick: Yeah, To Kill a Mockingbird! Cool.

Neil Ratner: Or Captain Ahab or whatever!

Rick: Oh, yeah!

Neil Ratner: So, that was another very special Michael moment. Just some of the time that I spent with him like the first time I went to Neverland. He said, “No, I want to give you the tour.” He took me on a private tour of Neverland.

Rick: That’s amazing. It’s special.

Neil Ratner: That kind of stuff. And just, I miss his friendship. And his “hee hee hee hee” voice. He was a cool guy. I liked him. We had fun together.

Rick: So he called you ‘Rat’ and you mentioned that you weren’t particularly fond of that at first. Over the years and looking back at it, do you find it endearing now?

Neil Ratner: I’m cool [Both laugh]. I’m cool. Of course, it’s an endearing name. Let me say this: part of my discomfort with that name came a little bit later after the whole prison thing.

Rick: Okay. [Both laugh]. Of course!

Neil Ratner: Because I turned state’s witness, I was a rat. It had different connotations for me later on. When I think of Michael calling me that, it’s fine.

Rick: Yeah, it’s just an abbreviation.

Neil Ratner: I’m cool with it, but like I said, he never used first names. You were either your last name or he came up with a nickname for you.

Rick: Now that the book is done, what is there to do in Woodstock? I understand that Dylan lives there. I think Marshall Crenshaw. Do you know Elliott Landy, by chance, the guy who’s image of Dylan is on the Nashville Skyline album cover?

Neil Ratner: Actually, I have met Elliott Landy a few times.

What is there to do? Woodstock is the most famous little town in America. You can go anywhere in the world and tell people we’re from Woodstock, they’ll know what you’re talking about.

Rick: You don’t want too many people to know it’s a nice place, right? Otherwise you’ll get a horde of people moving there.

Neil Ratner: And, of course, the festival wasn’t here anyway.

Rick: Yeah, that’s right. Yasgur’s farm, right?

Neil Ratner: Yasgur’s farm which is Bethel Woods now, which is a good 45-50 miles from here, the Catskills. We benefited from it, so that’s okay. I’m sure the town will benefit this summer. A lot of people will come here because it’s the 50th anniversary. But you know what there is to do here?

Rick: What?

Neil Ratner: There are music venues like you’re in New York City.

On almost any night, you can see some reasonably good talent. on the weekends, you can see big-name, major talent. There’s Levon Helm’s old place. I’ve seen Graham Nash there. I’ve seen various people, all kinds of people. There are a couple of other iconic clubs that also run great entertainment.

We’ve got a great radio station. I ski and my work is on a computer behind the desk in a beautiful office overlooking the country, so what could be bad?

Rick: That’s nice. Do you have many buskers in town or is that even legal in town?

Neil Ratner: Yeah, sort of. Not that many. But there are a couple [Both laugh].

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I’ll tell you one last funny story about Woodstock.

A number of years ago, once I finished my probation in New York state, although I’m a convicted felon, I can still vote. I registered as an Independent. My wife is a registered Democrat and periodically, one of the Democratic town board members would come to get signatures or whatever. That’s what happens in small towns.

One day the guy shows up and I’m in my office, and I hear him say to my wife, “Where’s Neil Ratner?” And I figured, what the hell does this guy want? [Laughs]

So, I go talk to him. He says, “You’re registered Independent, aren’t you?” I said, “Yeah.” He said, “You know we have a position on the Woodstock Ethics Board. Would you be interested?”

So, I thought to myself, “This guy doesn’t know shit about me.” [Both laugh] How could he possibly ask me that question? So I said, “Yeah, sure. I’ll be on the Ethics Board.” He said, “Oh, great! I’ll send you an application.”

Then I felt bad about it after he left and thought maybe I should have said something.

Rick: Yeah, but you might be the perfect guy to be on the Ethics Board, too.

Neil Ratner: You’re exactly right, Rick. When I thought about it, I told myself, “You know what? I’m either the perfect guy or the worst guy. I’m going to go through with this.”

So, I decided to go through with it. I filled out the application. They called me for an interview. It was between me and some other guy. I go down and I have to interview in front of the mayor and the whole town Council. And the mayor starts off, blah blah blah, bullshit. “You’re an anesthesiologist?” Right. He said, “What do you know about Propofol?”

And I said, “Aw, fuck. They did their research.” Now they know who I am. He must have seen me turn white or something because he looked at me and said, “No, no. I’ve had Propofol a couple of times and now my hair’s falling out!” [Both laugh] So, I gave him an answer. They asked me a couple of questions. I stopped them and said, “Wait a second. Does anybody know who I am? Did anybody Google my name? Did anybody look me up?”

And they all looked dumbfounded with their fingers up their ass. So, I told them my story. They appreciated it, including the charity stuff that I had done. And, of course, they knew my partner who had the local bakery here that was well known. Lo and behold, two days later, they call me up, “You’ve been unanimously selected,” and I’ve been on the Ethics Board ever since.

Rick: That ties things together very nicely. I was a Program Manager for the Ethics Program for the Department of Defense’s Office of the Inspector General.

Neil Ratner: You know, I saw that actually because I looked you up [Both laugh]!

I really appreciate giving back to the town. It’s a real town where people care about each other. And I feel very good about that

So, rock and roll, that’s what I do in Woodstock [Both laugh].

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