#marauders imagines

[pretty-little-mind33]

New Romantics

James Potter x slytherin fem!reader

Summary: When your "friends" play a dangerously stupid prank on you, James is the last person you'd think would help you.

Genre: Fluff, hurt and comfort <3

Warning: swearing, mentions of being drugged/drunk, violence, mentions of blood, protective!James

When James sees you walk into the classroom with an unusually cheery smile, he can't look away.

"Sirius," he pauses and leans in closer to his friend, "does she look unwell to you?" James whispers, clearly concerned for you. Sirius lets his chin rest on his palms as he looks over at you nonchalantly.

You almost trip on your shoe-laces as you make your way to your desk and you laugh a little too loudly, but only James seems to notice that particular detail.

"Y/l/n? She seems quite happy to me," Sirius's smirk is heard in his voice but James doesn't look amused. 

"No, something's wrong. She's usually quiet and she," he doesn't finish his sentence when he sees your friends in the corner of the classroom.

Some of them look as concerned as he is while most hide smiles and snickers behind their hands as they look at you. James's eyes bounce back to you and his frown deepens. Something is wrong. Instantly, he's on his feet.

"Prongs!?" Sirius sounds surprised but it's no use trying to stop him because James is already on his way to you.

Just as you raise your arm to run a hand in your – already annoyed – desk partner's hair, James quickly swoops in and catches your wrist. You pause and when you turn your head to look at him, your smile widens. 

"Potter!" you slur.

James can be an idiot sometimes, but he does know you're not drunk. He's never seen you drink. You look dizzy and he comes to the conclusion you must be under the influence of some kind of spell. He looks you over and sees the nasty cut on your knee. Anger bubbles in his stomach as he remembers how your friends somehow found this all incredibly funny. 

You tilt your head at him slightly and say, "You have pretty eyes, did you know that?" you smile a smile James usually loves and was never directed at him before, but by now the entire classroom has their eyes on you and, because he knows you would hate all this unnecessary attention, James helps you stand.

You let out a breathy giggle when his hands find your waist and hold you steady.  

"What are you doing?" a shrill voice asks from behind him and James clenches his jaw. He turns around. It's one of your friends. She's also in Slytherin and as hard as he tries, James can't remember her name.

"Helping your friend," he says blankly, "She seems a little out of it, doesn't she?"

"She's fine," your friend rolls her and tucks her dark hair behind her ear. "Aren't you, Y/n?" she asks you with a faint smirk.

Your body sways and James's arms move from your waist and swoops around you to hold under your armpits. "I'm okay — y-yeah, I'm okay. I feel better than fine," You mutter, eyelids fluttering slightly as you giggle at his touch.

James isn't at all convinced you're okay. 

Your friend's cruel smirk and the mystery of how you've bruised your knee leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"She's bleeding," he states as calmly as he can. 

"She's just clumsy." 

"She's obviously been hexed or something," James narrows his eyes.

Your friend laughs at his accusatory tone. "What? And you think I did it?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

At this point, it's obvious you aren't paying attention to their argument as you start to play with James's collar. His cheeks flush pink as your hair skims his chin and the smell of your shampoo fills the air.

"Well if you won't tell me what happened to her, then I'll find out myself," he says and his hand moves to hold yours. "Come on," he whispers sweetly and you let him lead you out of the classroom.

James is extremely careful with you. He makes sure you don't trip in the hallway, or run into any doors and walls, and more importantly he stays with you when the nurse comes to make sure you're okay.

He leans over the hospital bed as his hand hover over your knee as he asks, "What's happened to her?" 

"Veritaserum," the nurse says as she presses her palm on your forehead. 

"The truth serum?" James is confused. "Doesn't that make someone tell the truth? Why would it make her act so," he turns his head to look at you and conflicting emotions creates what feels like an empty pit in his stomach. You look so beautiful with your eyes blown wide as you glance around the room. "So ditzy?" he finishes in an endeared whisper.

"It isn't uncommon as everyone can have different reactions," The nurse explains as she gently inspects your knee, "I think whoever made this potion must not be particularly skilled."

James clenches his fist around his cloak and tries to remind himself that you probably wouldn't want him to beat up your so-called-friends.

"What's happening to me?" your voice comes out strained as you try and focus on their conversation as you catch on to their confused faces. 

"Nothing, honey, you're fine. Your friend was worried and he," 

You interrupt her, "James Potter? Oh, he isn't my friend." You look up at James and his smile disappears. He's embarrassed as he searches your face for any indication that you're joking but clearly you aren't because you ask him. "Potter, do you even know my name?" You sound serious.

James hesitates to answer, "Of course I know your name, Y/n," he finally admits.

He doesn't expect your eyes to light up but they do and you turn to the nurse, "He does know my name," you whisper with a smile.

James's heart swells at how happy you seem and he smirks a little. Amused, the nurse lets you continue, "You'know," you lean in closer and mutter just loud enough for James to hear without you knowing, "I really like him."

Surprised, his heart jumps and the nurse panics as he quickly shuts you up. "Alright honey, let's clean up this nasty little wound and then wait for the potion to pass, ok?" you nod and focus on her as she waves her wand across your knee and the cut disappears. 

Once she's done, the nurse turns to James and says, "I know you must be curious, Potter, but I think Y/l/n should be alone while she recovers," the nurse turns to you again and looks at you sympathetically.

"He can stay!" you insist, "I want him to stay."

James looks into your eyes and he wonders how he can even think of disappointing you.

But, when he looks at the nurse again his heart sinks. He can't stay, he knows he can't. It would be unfair. You deserve to keep your secrets — all those feelings you wouldn't share with him normally — hidden away in your pretty little head. 

James knows he can't take those away from you so he nods, stuffs his hands in his pockets, and sends you a lopsided smile. "I'll see you around, mmh?" 

He leaves before he can focus on the way you called his name because if he does, he knows he'd feel compelled to rush back in and stay by your side. On his way back to the classroom, he can't help but smile as he remembers your words. Only, his smile disappears the moment he hears your friends in the hallway. 

James stops in front of them and they do the same. The girl from earlier crosses her arms. "What's your issue, Potter?" she snarls, "Where's Y/n?"

James refuses to answer her question. "You gave her the Veritaserum, didn't you?" he accuses and some of your friend's squirm guiltily. The dark-haired girl just smirks.

"So what if we did? She isn't dying, is she? It was funny," she turns to your other friends with a grin and they nod meekly. "You should have seen her stumbling around, she wasn't even fazed when she fell and scraped her knee on the cobblestones. It was hilarious," she continues.

James's face burns from the points of his ears to his cheeks. "Hilarious?!" he repeats, his voice stern, "What kind of friends find it funny when their friend hurts themselves? She didn't know about the Veritaserum, did she?" 

The girl shakes her head but one of your other friends interrupts. He's a tall, lanky Slytherin with icy blue eyes and vibrant auburn hair.

"Of course she didn't know, Potter. It wouldn't be as fun if she did. I would think you would understand," he admits with a grin.

James's hands shake as he stares at your friend rambling. The boy only chuckles and turns to his friends, amused, as he taunts, "Slipped the potion in her drink myself this morning."

He doesn't finish his sentence as James punches him. He stumbles back into the girls, cupping his hands around his nose, as they shriek in surprise. James shakes his hand out a little and narrows his eyes. "You don't spike someone's drink, asshole. And don't fucking insinuate I would ever do something like that to anyone!"

"What the fuck? Why do you even care?" The boy hisses as one girl holds his shoulder and tends to him. "You're crazy." 

And sure, maybe James was crazy but he won't tolerate someone hurting you. 

Ever. 

* * *

"James, just give the poor girl some space," Remus sighs as he tries to concentrate on his essay. "She's gone through enough these last few days. Haven't you heard the rumors going around? They're brutal."

James resists the scream that bubbles in his throat. "I know. I know. I just want to be there for her," he whines and Sirius wraps his arm around his shoulder.

"You'll just make things worse," Sirius says, "Last rumor I heard is that she faked it all for your attention." 

James clenches his jaw. "How would I make this worse? It's all so fucking cruel, Pads. She's all alone," his heart has been slowly breaking whenever he thinks of you sobbing in your dorm or sitting alone during your classes and meals. 

He shuts his eyes a moment and then sits up abruptly and says, "I know what to do."

Remus looks up and with a worried expression, his eyes widen. "Prongs," he starts but James is already standing. "Sirius! Don't let him leave!" Remus insists but it's too late because their friend is already out the Common Room door. 

When James enters the Great Hall, he pauses and searches for you. He sees you sitting alone and he becomes so angry he can't think normally.

He storms up to the Slytherin table and jumps on top of it. Some cutlery and food falls to the floor and students turn their heads. James just clears his throat, making a show as he stumbles on his feet. 

If everyone wants to gossip about something, they can gossip about this. 

With a grin, he spreads his arms and shouts, "Can I have everyone's attention?" The Great Hall turns silent and James struts down the table until he's much closer to you. You feel your cheeks heat up and you hold your breath.

Remus and Sirius run into the Great Hall, calling James's name but it's too late because James is now standing in front of you as he holds out his hand. "Y/n, will you go out with me?" He asks, his voice loud and calm.

Whispers break out as your heart thumps in your chest. You look into James's eyes, searching them and when you reluctantly take his hand he nods a little and pulls you up onto the table with him. 

Quickly, he pulls you closer and then whispers in your ear, "Say no. Trust me." 

Your frown deepens but the words leave you without thinking, "No?" 

James smirks and just subtle enough for no one to see, he kisses your cheek and pulls you away from him. Dramatically, he stumbles backwards and covers his heart. "Ow, you're killing me here, love. What will I do without you?"

If you didn't know he had just asked you to reject him, you would think he sounds genuinely hurt. As he stumbles, he trips on someone's glass and with a loud crash, he falls to the ground.

Students gasp loudly and so do you as you cover your mouth with your hands and rush to the edge of the table and peer down at him. When you see him sitting on the ground he suddenly blows a kiss up to you, a small paper bird flutters up to you and then turns into rose petals.

Your eyes widen and you can't help but laugh when James continues to make a scene and the petals fall in your hair. "You're breaking my heart, darling. Criminal," James whispers and winks dramatically. 

"James Potter, detention. Now," McGonagall's voice booms and when James sees you hide a smile behind your hand, he smiles too.

A while later, as James sweeps up McGonagall's classroom floor, all he can think of is your happy smile.

"James?" Your voice interrupts his memory and he jumps a little, turning towards the door. You stand in the doorway, a flustered look on your face as you hesitate to come inside. James drops the broom and rushes over to you. 

His knuckles hover over your cheek as he says, "Y/n, are you okay?"

Your eyes widen and you touch his hand. Gently, you pull it down to his side again as you whisper and ask, "What was that all about?"

James searches your face for anger. "I wanted to take the embarrassment off of you. You don't deserve anything that's been happening to you, love. None of it is your fault."

You look at him more seriously. "Yeah, it's been a little hard but I can handle the teasing. You shouldn't have done that," you say and James's heart clenches in his chest. 

"I'm sorry if I upset you, Y/n. I just wanted,"

You interrupt him, "No. I mean you shouldn't have asked me to say no," you pause and look up at him, "unless, you don't actually want to go out with me. But, I know you know how I feel about you and I,"

Your sentence dies and you don't know what else to say. 

James's expression softens. You look up at him, almost pleading with him, "Please don't make me repeat what I said in the Hospital Wing. It's so embarrassing, and I know you heard me. I wasn't exactly quiet."

James smirks. "When you said you like me?" he holds up his finger and pretends to ponder, "No I'm sorry, you really like me," his smile widens as he looks at you. You feel warmth in your cheeks and look away.

"Yeah, that."

"Well, I really like you too."

Your eyes widen and you look up at him. James uses his thumb to lift your chin. You realize how close your body is to his and your breath hitches in your throat. James's hand moves to your cheek, caressing it softly as you whisper, "You do?"

James lets out a breathy chuckle. "Of course I do. You're beautiful, kind, incredibly smart it's annoying," his eyes are full of admiration, "What's there not to like, darlin'?"

You frown, glancing quickly at the emblem stitched onto my robes and then you look at him again. "But, I'm a Slytherin. I didn't even think you ever knew who I was until last week. We've never really talked."

James's smile falters and his thumb moves behind your ear as he holds your cheek. "That's my fault. I should have said something sooner but with my reputation and all," he looks away, his face twisted in shame, "I didn't want to scare you away."

You see the sincerity in his eyes but ask wearily, "So it doesn't bother you?" 

"That you're in Slytherin?" James smiles a little. "No, it doesn't, love. I don't care. I've seen how you are and I think you're absolutely lovely," he catches himself, "I mean, I'm not saying Slytherin's aren't lovely,"

You shut him up with a kiss. It's confident and startling but James doesn't complain. He simply pulls you in closer and lets his mouth explore yours with a passion he didn't know he had. He didn't know how starved he was of your taste until now.

Fuck, he's fucked. 

You pull away, lips wet and stare at him. "Sorry," you mutter.

"Sorry?" James frowns and leans in to kiss you again, "Don't you dare be sorry. Just kiss me," his words leave you a mush in his arms and you're happy for his hand around your back because otherwise you would fall over. 

When he finally disconnects your lips, he leans his forehead on yours and whispers what he'd been thinking, "You'll kill me, love."

You smile and hold his arm. "Thanks for saving me by the way, when I was under the potion," you say. 

James leans away and studies your soft expression with a small smile. "I'd be an asshole not to help you. I didn't want to see you get hurt." 

"Still, if you hadn't seen that something was wrong I don't know what would have happened."

"Nothing would have happened because I was there," James insists and kisses your forehead, "I'll always be there." He adds in a whisper into your hair.

It's only for him to hear. He doesn't want to just tell you he's there for you, instead he wants to show you. Everyday.

[remusmoonbaby]

James Potter is the type to be a complete and utter perv in your relationship. Of course it's mostly in private because well...he's got a reputation to keep being Gyffindor's Quidditch Captain and all. But that doesn't stop him one night taking the underwear he's "sneakingly" stolen from you, using it on himself as he jerks off in the middle of the night. Duh he takes the red silky one that drives him absolutely insane.

"Fuck...mmgh! Feels so good." He moans into his shirt that is being bit between his teeth, as a form of trying to keep his moans and groans quiet. But the sweet, cold sensation of your silk underwear stretching over his sensitive tip, many times, makes this one last stretch turn into shudders and quiet moans as he starts to come onto the fabric. James's eyes rolls to the back of his head, and his toes curl at the sensation of the cool fabric meeting his hot cum.

James Potter is definitely the type to send you little notes telling you how he wants to take you in front of the class just at the mere fact that he can see some other guy staring at you, and he wants to claim what's his. (Sirius's relationship antics rubbed off on him 🤷🏻)

If he keeps turning his head to the side to keep looking at you, I'm going to bend you over this desk and show him who you belong to.

James, you can't do that!

Watch me gorgeous.

James Potter is the type to pull you in a corner of an empty corridor, where honestly, if someone was looking for y'all they will see what's happening. But does he care? Of course not, why would he? All he cares about is quenching his thirst and keeping you satisfied, while also on your toes.

"James what you doing?" You said as you look at him getting on his knees with wide eyes and a fierce blush covering your face.

"Just trying to get something to drink real quick, baby." James said as he looked up at you with a smirk.

"People will see!" You squeaked out as your eyes scanned around the corridor in a frantic manner.

"Let them see then." He says coolly before lifting your skirt, getting underneath it, moving your underwear to the side, and licking a long strip of your wet pussy.

Let's say the idea of someone coming across the two of you completely slipped your mind as you let James get his much needed thirst.

[mystcldydrms]

SOMETHING BETWEEN US - SIRIUS BLACK

prompt: "there is something between us."

pairing: young!sirius black x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: slight angst & fluff, cursing

notes: thank you for requesting. it took me a while to find a good start to the fic but I got there in the end.

He was your best friend. He was your soulmate. Sirius knew how you felt. You knew how he felt. However, you were scared. You didn’t want to lose him. He was one of the most important people in your life. You knew that trying to push your feelings away was the safest option, as of now, but how long would you be able to keep them locked up?

You tried to tell yourself that you and Sirius would be awful together. But every time a thought like this crossed your mind, you knew it was a lie. He would treat you like a princess. You could laugh together; he would still make fun of you, and you would do the same to him. Whenever the two of you were together, it felt natural. It felt like the universe knew that you were meant for one another, but the more you thought about it, the more anxious you got.

Another precaution you took was to spend as little time with Sirius as possible. It was easier said than done, seeing as though both of you were Gryffindors and you had mutual friends. However, for the last couple of days, you had been quite successful, only catching a quick glimpse of him whenever you entered or exited the Great Hall.

Today you weren’t as lucky as the other times.

You were one of the last students to pack up your things after another lesson on Transfiguration when you turned around and bumped into another person. You instantly knew who it was without even looking at him. Just his smell made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

“Sirius, hey.”, you said to him as if it was the first time you’d seen one another all day. Of course, you had seen him walk into the classroom. You had stolen glances at him every few minutes during Transfiguration, and you knew he did the same thing, yet whenever he looked your way, you quickly averted your gaze and looked at Professor McGonagall again.

It felt like a lifetime ago that you had a proper conversation with your best friend, and you had to be honest with yourself, you missed him. You missed everything about him. His smile, his laugh, his touch. But there was still that pinch of anxiety in the back of your mind.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”, Sirius stated matter-of-factly.

A sad sigh escaped your lips as you shook your head, pushing another book inside your bag before you heaved it onto your shoulder. For the first time, in what felt like forever, you looked up into Sirius’ eyes, your heart breaking into small pieces once you noticed the worried expression on his face.

You absentmindedly bit your lower lip as you nervously started to play with your fingers. You knew you couldn’t lie to him. You have known each other ever since your first train ride on the Hogwarts Express. The two of you sat opposite each other. You were a rather shy little girl who wasn’t great at making new friends, however, Sirius was different. He started to talk to you as soon as your bottom hit the seat. He wanted to know everything about you, and although you had only given him one- or two-word answers, he kept talking until you had arrived at Hogwarts.

“y/n”, Sirius whispered your name, snapping you out of your daydream as you felt his hand grab one of yours, trying to make you stop fumbling.

“I don’t know what to say. And I really have to go.”, you announced quietly, pulling your hand away from his before you marched past him, your eyes getting a bit glassy.

“You’re not running away from me.”, you heard him say as he grabbed your arm, preventing you from exiting the classroom and getting as far away from him as possible.

“I really have to get to my next class.” “We don’t have another class until this afternoon, and you know this, so stop running away.”

You had never seen or heard Sirius be this serious before. The only time he had been this way was when he had told you all about his family and the way they had treated him once they found out he didn’t get into Slytherin.

You quickly wiped away the tears that were trying to spill out of your eyes, your hands shaking as you carefully turned around, not yet daring to look into the eyes of the boy you loved.

“There is something between us.”

Sirius confirmed something that the two of you already knew. Everyone knew it. All your friends talked about it. James and Remus once had a bet going on about when you would finally get over yourselves and start dating. James had lost that bet a long time ago. However, neither of them nor any of your other friends had lost hope.

“I know there is.”

You felt Sirius’ hand glide down your arm until he was able to grab your hand, slightly intertwining your fingers with his and this time you didn’t pull away. You even let him pull you closer to where he was.

“I’m just scared.”, you confessed.

“Why? There’s nothing to fear.”

“Yes, there is.”, you stated. “What if the two of us really started dating, and after a while, we notice that it isn’t right and we should only be friends? But we can’t be friends anymore because it would be too weird, and it would break my heart to ever see you with someone else. So, we can’t ever spend time with one another again, and our friends have to choose a side and – “

“y/n, stop. This is madness!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, your lips lightly trembling. Sirius’ hand left yours, only for him to cup your face, his thumbs gently tracing your cheeks.

“Can’t we start worrying about it when it happens, which it won’t?”

“No, Sirius, we can’t. You know I can’t. I’m not a young, reckless boy like you who always thinks life is a joke. I worry all the fucking time.”

Sirius leaned forward to press his lips gently on your forehead, instantly calming you down. He didn’t always know what to say, but he always knew what to do, and he knew that his touch calmed you down.

Once the warmth of his lips disappeared from your forehead, you opened your eyes again, noticing that the young Gryffindor smiled at you. His eyes were full of adoration for you.

“Okay, let’s talk now.”, he told you honestly.

“If you’re willing to give us a chance, I will be the happiest man in the whole universe.”

“Man? You’re a boy.”

The two of you couldn’t help but laugh, and you immediately knew everything would be alright. You just felt it.

“Let me talk, woman.”

“Alright, go on.”, you said while you wrapped your arms slightly around him.

“Like I said, once we’re a couple I won’t let you go again. You’re my y/n. You have been ever since we first met on the Hogwarts Express, and that won’t change. James already hates me because I talk so much about you. Nothing will ever tear us apart, okay? We both know how to talk; we can communicate with one another if there's ever a problem. You’re the love of my life. There, I said it. And I mean every single word of it.”

Your cheeks were already as hot as they could get, the blush on full display. Why did you ever think you could just turn off your feelings for him? You must have been out of your mind. Sirius was the love of your life. He was the man–boy – of your dreams.

“I love you, Sirius Black.”

“I love you too, y/f/n.”

And there it was, the moment you had been waiting for.

Sirius slowly leaned down, his eyes never leaving yours. You were able to feel his hot breath on your lips before he finally pressed his to yours. His lips felt like magic. You could hear fireworks explode inside of you as you kissed the man of your dreams for the first time. They moved perfectly in sync while Sirius’ hands slid down from your cheeks, only for his arms to wrap around your body, squeezing you gently. You let out a slight giggle against his lips, not once pulling away from him. You knew you had to breathe at one point, but for now, you were okay with just being in the moment.

Until you heard someone clear their throat.

The two of you instantly pulled away from one another, your heads turning to the right, only to find Professor Dumbledore standing in the entryway to the Transfiguration classroom. One of his eyebrows was raised, and an amused smile graced his lips.

“Shouldn’t the two of you be on your way to lunch in the Great Hall?”

You nodded your head one of your hands holding your bag while the other one took Sirius’ hand, guiding him and yourself out of the classroom.

“Of course, Professor. We were just on our way.”, you stated embarrassedly, walking past the Headmaster of Hogwarts, your cheeks still as bright as a tomato.

“See what you did.”, you whisper-shouted.

Sirius only shrugged his shoulder, pulling his hand out of yours before he swung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close against him as he dropped a swift kiss on the top of your head.  

“What can I say? If you hadn’t ignored me for the past week, we might’ve had our first kiss somewhere private.”

[heliads]

I’m not sure if you write for Marauders or not, but I thought I would ask. I’ve also never requested before, so apologies if I do this wrong.

My request is a Regulus Black x a female Potter reader where they fake their deaths to hide from Voldemort and destroy all his horcruxes in secret. Once they’ve destroyed all the horcruxes they reveal that they are alive to Sirius and James, and there is a cute reunion scene that’s really fluffy.

Again, sorry if I did this wrong. Thank you so much!!

oh i would do anything for the marauders (including writing for them)

masterlist

Night has fallen when Regulus Black tells you that he’s leaving. He waits until now, the final hour, as if hoping that the dark shades of midnight will hide what he’s planning from the rest of the world. Regulus will be found out, of that he is certain, he just hopes that he’ll have enough time to do some sort of good before he’s caught.

The smart thing would be to leave before anyone got word of his disappearance. Regulus is not smart when he comes to you, however, or so he admits when he shows up on your doorstep when you were just about to go to bed.

Regulus says that he’s leaving alone. It doesn’t explain why he showed up to say goodbye, or perhaps the thought of that solitude is the very reason for it. Regulus is alone except for when he’s with you. Every time that he was lonely, he sought you out. It makes perfect sense that now, when he fears the quiet abyss of death, he would want a farewell from you one last time.

You, however, are unwilling to let him go. It was hard enough having to endure the past few years estranged from him like another brother to let go. You’re a Potter, he’s a Black, and even though Sirius switched over to your side, Regulus hadn’t. Not yet. Not until now.

It had all but torn you to pieces, choosing loyalty with your brother James and his best friend Sirius when Regulus seemed so far away. Regulus had always been kind to you throughout your years at Hogwarts, the two of you closer than anyone despite how your scarlet school robes clashed with his emerald ones, and just when you swore nothing could separate you, he signed on with the Death Eaters.

Now he’s in front of you, telling you that he’s going to take down the Dark Lord or die trying. It seems like a fool’s errand, and a dangerous one at that. That’s what you tell him after you get over the shock of seeing him after such a long time, once you remember to invite him into your house and lock the door securely behind you.

The outside is blank and dark, but in your home, you’ve never felt more alive. You had wondered what it would be like to see Regulus after so much time, and it’s like you’re back at Hogwarts instead of in some small apartment close to your job. He’s here, and you’re here, and the thought that he’s about to go fling himself into the grasp of unwarranted death is unthinkable.

Perhaps that’s why you let it happen under only one condition:  that you be there too. Regulus is a brother and you are a sister and the two of you understand each other, you always have. That’s why you know without a doubt that Regulus will not stray from this quest, even though you try to persuade him from it nonetheless. It’s why he knows better than to fight when you assert that he won’t be doing it alone.

You did try to talk him out of it a little, at least. Why would it be him of all people to try to take down Voldemort? When there are so many witches and wizards fighting in the cause, why should he be the one to die?

You had not gained much by way of explanation. “It’s my responsibility,” he had said simply. 

Regulus would know about responsibility. Regulus, who joined the Death Eaters to appease his parents, who regretted the choice from the moment the inked skull appeared on his forearm. You’ve caught him staring at the accursed tattoo for hours, only when he thinks no one else is around. You know he only feels comfortable wearing long sleeved shirts so he doesn’t have to look at it and remember what he became. 

It is his responsibility to save the wizarding world, and so it will be yours, too. Regulus isn’t pleased at first when you tell him that you’ll be going with him on the quest to hunt down the horcruxes, but you refuse to change your mind. When the moon hangs high in the sky later that night, you think he goes to sleep with a smile at the thought that he’ll have such a lovely traveling companion. He tells you as much when you set off, anyway. 

He might as well be smiling about something, you won’t have much reason to do so until the difficult deed is done. You’re already leaving under terrible circumstances as is; in order to avoid detection from the Dark Lord and his followers, you and Regulus have staged each other’s deaths. When your friends come upon the scene later, they’ll believe that Regulus, a Death Eater, came by your home to kill you, a member of the Order of the Phoenix. You fought back and managed to wound Regulus enough to end his life, but not before he returned the favor for you as well.

It’s a horrific sight, the illusion of both of your bodies lying side by side. Your brother will find this out later, and be sick with grief. Regulus’ brother too, even if the taint of betrayal will make the whole scene wretched with wrongness. For now, though, you have no time to think of possible reactions nor the difficulty of what you are forcing your friends and family to endure. The only objective in your mind is how to destroy the horcruxes so that the war can be won.

Regulus knows of the first, a locket in a cursed lake somewhere deep underground. He takes you there first, and it takes him weeks to sleep off the aftereffects of that awful potion hiding the locket. Whenever you close your eyes, you see the rings of fire you had to conjure up to fight back the Inferi swarming from the lake, how they had emerged from the greenish lake ready to drag Regulus into the water the second he bent his head to drink.

Regaining the locket is an awful thing, destroying it more so. It takes the two of you several days before you’re able to do it for good, and all the while the accursed relic whispers lies in your ears, trying to convince you to abandon each other. When a wave of rage so strong it almost kills you makes you black out and slam the thing with the Killing Curse, it works at last. You’ve never used an Unforgivable Curse before. It takes surprisingly little willpower to do.

Regulus talks you through that. It’s easier to address the use of Avada Kedavra than the ugly truth both of you know, which is that there will be no guarantee that either of you will make it out of this infernal quest. It took everything in you to find and destroy the locket, which at least you knew about. What of the other horcruxes? How will you survive them, too?

The two of you travel across the country, listening in to wizarding news and doing your best to find out what the remaining horcruxes could be. You share space, you share secrets. You’ve never been closer to Regulus in your entire life. The thought that the two of you went a year or two without speaking after you left Hogwarts is unthinkable now. How could you breathe without him?

After dark, he lies awake, watching the light from a charmed lantern flit across the ceiling. He says, you don’t have to do this. Stay with him. Risk your life like this.

You prop yourself up on one elbow so you can get a better look at him. The furrows in his brow are more pronounced now, and the shadows under his eyes, which have been there since the day you met him, are now dark enough to look like the hollows of a skull. Of course I do. 

As if the universe meant to reward your faithfulness, you’re blessed with a clue the next day. Regulus recognizes a Death Eater furtively walking down a street and follows him, overhearing the man tell one of his friends that Lucius Malfoy was apparently given some strange token of the Dark Lord’s. They’re both jealous that they weren’t given Voldemort’s refuse, apparently, but their complainings are like music to your ears.

Malfoy’s item is a diary, and it writes pages of frantic scribblings in an attempt to save itself before Regulus hits it with Fiendfyre which, strangely enough, works. Stranger still was trying to break into Malfoy Manor to find a journal, but all’s well that ends well. You got in, you got out, and although there are definitely some house elves under Lucius’ employ that will wonder why they heard voices in the dark that one night, no one is the wiser.

The next secret you hear is not an item but a place, the family home of the Dark Lord’s mother. The two of you comb the place relentlessly until you find an old ring buried deep beneath the earth. Just to be sure, you check it for curses, and after a great deal of difficulty, are able to remove the dark enchantment before destroying it for good.

You lie awake that night, musing aloud before you can stop yourself. “We only barely caught the curse on that one. What if the other ones were enchanted as well and we didn’t know it?”

Regulus sits up, brushing dark hair out of his eyes so he can look at you. “What if we’re both going to die because we didn’t catch something in time, you mean?” He asks.

You nod reluctantly. “I don’t want to seem like I’m losing faith, because I’m not, but– I worry sometimes, you know?”

Regulus stands, takes both your hands in his palms and kisses them. “I rely on your worries, Y/N. They keep us alive. And no, I don’t think we’re cursed. Not yet, at least. If we were, I could at least die with you. That’s worth something, isn’t it?”

You laugh. “That’s morbid, Regulus.”

“But true,” he muses.

He tells you he loves you the next day. It feels like it’s been a long time coming. You have never been one to declare love immediately, but it’s different with Regulus, always has been. If you were in the mood to be honest, you would admit that you have been in love with him for years, ever since the two of you were small enough to hide in your brothers’ shadows and find each other there. You have loved him since the start. You will love him until the end.

Taking down the next horcrux is almost easy, if such things were allowed to be said. You’re fuelled by the hope that this might be the end. Standing over the shattered bits and pieces of Helga Hufflepuff’s Cup, you almost believe it. It’s funny, you always thought that you would somehow be able to tell when you finally destroyed the last of the horcruxes, like you could feel it in the air or something.

You feel nothing when the cup is destroyed. It scares you. You and Regulus have been extremely careful to keep yourselves hidden, but you dare to poke your heads out of the shadows for a little bit to determine if you were successful or not. Although you hear rumors that Voldemort seems weakened, that his forces have started losing battles despite him being at the helm of the attacks, he is not yet dead.

It’s heartbreaking. After all of your efforts, your trials and tribulations, every injury and weakness the two of you have sustained on the quest to defeat the Dark Lord, it still isn’t enough. You listen, you spend weeks and then a full month waiting for information, but nothing comes. There is no sign that there are any more horcruxes, but Voldemort has not died. How could it be so?

You come up with a tentative solution in the end, which is to go to Dumbledore for advice. In a way, it seems almost childish– why should the headmaster have any idea what to do, other than the fact that he led your school where the two of you first met and studied? Then again, Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard of his age. If anyone would know how to proceed, surely it would be him.

Regulus agrees readily enough, recognizing the necessity that if the two of you cannot find a way to continue on your journey, it will never end, and before long the two of you are Apparating near familiar territory and walking up to the castle on foot. You disguise your faces with a simple charm; the two of you are supposed to be dead, after all, but all it takes is one glance at you and Dumbledore is smiling and telling you that he’s glad to see two such familiar corpses up and about.

You laugh, you can’t help it, and remove the charm once you and Regulus are safely in Dumbledore’s office and out of sight. After explaining your predicament, Dumbledore sits for a moment in contemplative silence and then says at last, “It must be the diadem.”

You and Regulus exchange glances, then look back at him. “What diadem?” Regulus asks.

“The diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw, of course,” Dumbledore muses. “Tom Riddle– the Dark Lord, if you like your pleasantries– was captivated by the magic of the four founders of Hogwarts. You have told me already of Hufflepuff’s cup, this is the expected companion piece. It must be somewhere within the castle, but where– but where–”

He clears his throat after a lengthy pause. “I give both of you permission to scour the castle for it. I will caution the staff not to look too closely at either of you. Take however much time you need, but I would urge you to hurry. More of us die by the day, and it would do us no good to have our friends fall as a consequence of our own dillydallying.”

You look up at him. “And what happens after we destroy the diadem? It must be the last horcrux, or the last one he’s created so far. Will that kill him for good?”

“No,” Dumbledore murmurs, “that will end the horcruxes, not the monster who made them. Once the horcruxes are gone, he will be severely weakened and search for however has been hunting down his creations. You two are lucky that you have not died already, you know. I have no doubt that he has already begun attempts to stop you from completing your goal.”

You shudder, remembering past encounters. Death Eaters had nearly caught up to you many times, and on numerous occasions, they had, requiring firefights of spells and hexes before you and Regulus could escape to relative safety.

Beside you, Regulus tenses, obviously thinking along the same lines. “How do we survive once we destroy the last of the horcruxes? How do we stay out of his sight?”

Dumbledore sighs, weary and heavy. “I will put a stop to him,” he says at last, and that is that.

You and Regulus conjure up your charms once again, disguising your faces to all students who happen to pass by. You look in towers and dungeons, empty classrooms and great halls. It’s a mad memory rush being back here, and it is difficult not to mix memory with your current situation.

When a few hours of searching pass by, though, and neither of you have found even the slightest hint of a diadem, your fond musings are replaced by desperate anger. This is your last step, surely, if you could just find the thing. It would all be over if you could merely find one diadem in one castle.

Regulus leans against a nearby stone wall, eyes cast up to the sky in a plea for help. “Where would a diadem be? In the Ravenclaw dorm, maybe?”

You shake your head. “Dumbledore said it wouldn’t be there.”

You pace back and forth, trying to wrap your head around the issue. What other sections of the castle are particularly known to Rowena Ravenclaw? You’ll wear a path into the carpet beneath your feet while you try and think, but nothing seems to work until the wall opposite Regulus suddenly shifts away, revealing a door.

You and Regulus stare at the room that has appeared out of nowhere. “Do you remember a hidden room near here?” Regulus asks faintly.

You shake your head. “James loved tracking down every secret passage, and he told me most of them, but I don’t think even he knew about this one.”

It’s nice to have a first. You smile to yourself, then take Regulus’ hand when he offers it and walk inside the mysterious room.

The chamber is packed to the gills with objects great and small. It occurs to you that even if the diadem is somewhere in here, it could take years to sift through all this junk. You and Regulus look at each other, shrug, and each take a corridor in which to search. 

About half an hour has gone by before Regulus gives a shout. “Found it!”

You race over to his side, and stand, breathless, looking at the very same artifact that’s caught his attention. It’s old, dusty, and not particularly noteworthy, but it has this terrible feel to it that all of the horcruxes had in turn.

“This is it,” you whisper. One last shot. Then, the end.

Regulus lifts his wand, summons a tendril of Fiendfyre, which goes straight through the diadem, shattering it like glass. It’s silent for a moment, and then, when the last shard of the diadem falls to the ground with a quiet crunch, you’re both rocked backward by a boom like a cannon. This, at last, you can feel. This is it.

Dumbledore is waiting for you when the two of you emerge from the room. “I’ll take my leave of you,” he says, “and thank you.”

You nod. “What do we do now?” 

For a moment, despite the burden that has now been placed on your old headmaster’s shoulders, despite all the lives that have been lost and those that will still be taken, Dumbledore smiles. “You can go home.”

Sirius used to stay the night at the home of you and your brother, you remember that from your school days. It would then follow that, with everything in peril and friends disappearing by the day, Sirius would be at James’ right now. It certainly saves a trip for you and Regulus. Dumbledore gives you their address before you leave, and he tells you to waste no more time.

As if there is anything in the world that you want more than to see your family. You and Regulus Apparate a street or two down from the house, then walk over, hand in hand. Before you know it, you’re waiting on the threshold. The lights are on somewhere in the back of the house; you can hear voices, then a shout of a laugh you remember as Sirius’. It’s more quiet than it used to be, a little more hesitant. He’s lost a lot, the elder Black brother, but he’ll gain some today, too.

Regulus squeezes your hand. “Let’s come back from the dead,” he says.

You smile at him. “That sounds good to me.”

The doorbell echoes through the house, ceasing all conversation. There are slow footsteps to the door, a pause as someone looks through the peephole, and then all of a sudden the door has been flung open and you’re engulfed in a whirlwind of a hug. Your brother is here, your brother is lifting you off the ground with the force of his embrace, and it’s been so, so long since you’ve seen him, but you’re back again, and everything is okay at last.

James’ eyes are as wide as saucers when he finally leans away to get a good look at you. “Y/N, you’re– I swear, if you’re a Death Eater using Polyjuice, I will hurt you so badly–”

You laugh. “I’m me, James. Just me. If you want proof, though, I offer up the memory of when you were a first year and totally in love with Lily and you had me–”

James cuts you off quickly. “Alright, alright. It’s you. God, it’s you.”

A figure appears behind James, and a quiet voice asks, “Regulus?”

James moves aside so Sirius can see his brother. Regulus stands perfectly still, says, “We tried to fix it, Sirius, we hurt him, the Dark Lord, we–”

Regulus told you years ago that he wasn’t that affectionate with his brother. It’s to be expected, of course, divisions between brothers rarely settle themselves sweetly. You suppose that’s why Regulus looks so stunned when Sirius reaches out an arm and hugs him. You’re not sure if he’s trying to crush his younger brother or just make sure that he’s actually real, but they both look vaguely confused when it’s over. Happy, though. Glad to be alive.

The news will come out later that week that Voldemort is dead. Dumbledore did what was promised and killed him. That means the war is over, and that means you can rest at last. You’ll get a place to stay with Regulus. The thought of leaving him now that the two of you can be together without fear is unthinkable. You don’t want to be without him, and thanks to your suffering on the path to destroy the horcruxes, you won’t have to.

Dawn breaks. And you think– you think this might be it. Not a harsh end, but a soft one. A quiet aftermath. You’ll live, and Regulus will too. That’s more than you expected during those months on the run. When the two of you went to sleep unsure if you’d wake up in the morning, your wildest dreams could not encapsulate the wonderful life you have right now. It is marvelous, and it is yours. That is all. 

requested by @bookishirishdancer, i hope you enjoy!

harry potter tag list: @rogueanschel, @cameronsails, @neewtmas, @lovesanimals0000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @eclliipsed, @frenchgirlinlondon, @23victoria, @ilovexavierthrope

[i314flix]

IT WAS ALWAYS YOU !

— sirius black x fem!reader | the one where the thought of someone liking you romantically has never crossed your mind, much less being liked by your own crush, sirius black, who proves to you that all your doubts are nonsense.

( 2.7k words ) pg-15; fluff; ft. gryffindor!reader | mentions of being insecure, low self-esteem; unedited, might have a part two.

You’ve already accepted it long ago that you were always going to be invisible. It had its perks really, as it gave you enough liberty to not be the center of attention during classes and be on your own whenever you had free time to catch up with some assignments. Plus, it’s not like you were completely invisible, you still had friends and was well-liked in your Hogwarts house. They saw you as the shy, timid girl that would smile all the time if approached, voice always gentle and soft that no one ever felt like they were a bother each time they talked to you, regardless of how busy you were.

Speaking of being busy, you were currently inside the library with two of your close friends, Martha and Iris. Unlike you, the both of them were what others defined as the ‘it girls’ of your year, as a lot admired them and wanted to be in their circle. Compared to you, they were approached not only because it was the last resort or they looked friendly to have decent answers, but because being given attention by either of the girls was treated as such a big privilege.

“Iris,” Martha whispered from her seat in front of you, “Sirius Black has been staring at you for ages.”

At the sound of his name, Iris, who was seated on your right, also subtly glanced at her right to peer at the table next to you three. The occupants of the said table were indeed Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew; the four of them were in the same house as you, which was Gryffindor.

“Don’t make eye contact,” Martha scolded Iris when she was looking too long. “He might catch you and think you’re interested in him as well.”

“Well, I mean, Black does have a face that is a pleasure to look at,” Iris defended, and that was when you finally lifted your head up from your book, listening more to their conversation.

“Does that mean you like him, Iris?” Martha smirked and Iris shook her head.

“Of course not! I’m just saying he’s handsome.”

“Anybody with eyes says that.”

“That’s because it’s true, no denying it.”

“But Lupin is quite handsome too, you know,” Martha added. “Shame he’s a bit quiet. I tried talking to him in Potions once, but he didn’t seem like he was in a good mood.”

“He’s nice,” you finally said something, “I think he’s similar to me.”

“Introverted and shy?” Martha guessed, laughing with Iris. It wasn’t in a bad manner, just two friends who wanted to tease you for your known similar quietness.

You sighed, nodding and playing along. “The worst combination, really.”

The both of them laughed again, along with you this time, as hushed as you could.

“Is he still staring, Martha?” Iris asked after a few seconds, and Martha stole a quick look over the other table.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Curiously, you decided to do the same as Martha, wanting to see if Sirius Black was really staring at Iris. It has been a common occurrence for the past week for Sirius to seemingly always be caught in the same vicinity as Iris or looking at her, that was why it has also been a common topic recently for Martha to bring up Sirius’ apparent crush on Iris. You were starting to believe her, frankly, as you’ve always been a witness whenever Iris told Martha of her catching Sirius looking or the four boys always laughing like they were teasing each other whenever you three were around as well.

You couldn’t blame him for fancying her. Iris was gorgeous, intelligent, and someone you could deeply depend on. You didn’t want to compare yourself to others, but you thought that if you were Sirius, no doubt the obvious choice would be going for someone like Iris who’d go well with a handsome man like him. You could already imagine how the school would label them as the star couple of your batch, rooting for them as much as you were aware a lot liked James Potter and Lily Evans together.

Though the moment you twisted your head slightly to his direction to see, to check if he was making his crush on her apparent, his eyes immediately connected to yours, and then a smile made its way to his face. It looked a little mischievous, but still friendly nonetheless.

You faced away instantly, not aware of what to do once more. That has been happening frequently too, wherein you accidentally locked eyes with Sirius as he was looking over to Iris.

Maybe it was just another mistake (like what you were telling yourself on the previous four times this happened). Maybe his gaze just flickered to yours at the exact time you chose to look at him. You weren’t sure why you were making such a big deal out of it, but truth be told, you’ve been harboring a little (and secret) crush on Sirius ever since you saw him playing for Gryffindor at the Quidditch Match last academic year. You just didn’t tell anyone because for starters, you were still sort of in the state of denial; two, you thought it was embarrassing for someone like you to like someone like him; and three, you were pretty sure he liked Iris.

“____, are you alright?” Iris placed a hand on your forehead all of the sudden. “You’re really red in the face.”

“I—I am?” You put your own hand against your cheeks and felt them burning up.

“Are you okay?” asked Martha upon noticing your sudden flustered state thanks to Iris.

“Oh. Um, I’m alright.”

“You sure?” asked Iris.

You glanced back at Sirius and saw him still staring at you. However, he was no longer smiling but looked concerned.

“Yeah, yes.” You told the two. “But, uh, I think it’s getting rather hot in the library. I better go and cool down...” You began to gather your books and kept your parchments, ink, and quill inside your bag in a clumsy and fast manner. “I, um, I’ll go ahead to the common room and continue doing my essay there. I’ll see you girls later.”

Without waiting for a response, you literally dashed away and didn’t stop with your fast-paced walking until you were far enough from the library, stopping by a corridor that didn’t have any students hanging around the place. You took it as a good sign to lean against the wall, catching your breath and feeling ridiculous for running away like that when you only made eye contact with Sirius. It wasn’t like he did anything major for you to react that way. It was just a simple look and smile and now you were here, your heart beating so fast that it seemed like it wanted to jump out of your ribcage.

You sighed. You shouldn’t be treating this as some sort of problem. So, with another loud exhale, you pressed your things tighter against your body and turned back towards the corridor that would lead to the Gryffindor tower, only to collide with a fellow student which almost made you fall if it weren’t for their two strong hands holding your elbows to keep you on your feet.

“Sorry,” you muttered, not bothering to glance up at the person, wanting to just rush to the common room as soon as possible, but the person holding you didn’t let go of you until you lifted your chin up and met the same pair of eyes you caught gazing at you in the library.

“What’s the hurry, love?” Sirius asked, genuinely curious with a small smile on his face. His fingers were still wrapped around you. They had moved to your forearm yet a bit more loose, as if they were just there in case you were to fall again. “You feeling alright?”

“Me?” you repeated.

“Yeah, who else?”

“Oh. I’m… I’m fine.”

You and Sirius weren’t exactly friends for his question to come out as normal. Perhaps he was just engaging in small talk to get rid of the awkwardness of the situation.

“That’s good. I thought something bad happened. You just ran out of the library a few minutes ago, and it seemed like there was some kind of emergency,” he said.

“There was no emergency. I just wanted to move fast.”

“Move fast?”

“Yes.” You knew you sounded funny, but you paid no attention to it. “Uh, anyhow, sorry again for the run in. I should’ve looked where I was going.”

You were beginning to make a run for it again, but Sirius’ grip was back on one of your forearms before you could do so. “Wait,” he said, “I actually followed you here. I wanted to talk to you.”

You froze. He sounded serious yet not at the same time. Did that make sense? Nonetheless, you began to ask, “Talk to me? What about?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask something. Delaying it, honestly. I think you even noticed me thinking about it while we were in the library.”

“I don’t think I did.”

“Well, maybe Martha did. I think she certainly noticed something.”

“Martha?”

“She would always catch me in the act, I suppose. And earlier, she probably caught me staring again, didn’t she? Then she told you?”

It dawned on you right then and there what was happening. This scenario had happened a lot, of course, wherein a guy who was attracted to either Martha or Iris (in this case, the latter) was going to ask you if you could put a good word for them and boost them up to your close friend. You always immediately declined their request, to be frank, never willing to be some kind of messenger between two people who could have a conversation on their own.

“Oh,” was all you said, trying to mask your disappointment.

“I’m usually not like this, I assure you,” Sirius carried on speaking. “I mean, no shame at being nervous and all, but I think it’s safe to say that I usually carry myself better than this.”

He was right. Sirius never looked not confident. He had this elegant yet commanding aura about him, a quality that you were sure stemmed from him being a Black and a pureblood. Though Sirius wasn’t like those arrogant purebloods who saw themselves as royalty just because of their blood status, he was still superior in terms of his wits, skills, and looks.

“That said, I was just wondering, ____,” he started, “if you would—”

Your mind started to zone out from that point as well. You abruptly just kept on thinking about how you were politely going to decline him, planning to say that he should just ask Iris himself if he wants to have a date with her or perhaps ask Martha instead if he really couldn’t do the first move. The only words that managed to register in your brain were Hogsmeade and this weekend.

“What do you think?” he finished, and you flickered your eyes to his, dazed.

“Uh,” you pressed your mouth together, “um, I think it depends on Iris.”

“Iris?”

“Yes.”

He appeared confused. “Why Iris?”

“What do you mean ‘why Iris’?”

“I’m just confused on why it depends on Iris. Does she stop you from making wrong decisions?” He joked.

You didn’t laugh. You were confused as he was. “Obviously it depends on Iris because she’s the person you’re going with. She has to be okay with going to Hogsmeade with you this weekend for it to happen.”

Sirius stared at you. What you replied to him definitely didn’t help him become less puzzled about your answer prior.

“Darling,” he was smiling now, and you were watching his expression change from confusion to realization in an instant, “it seems you have it messed up. I’m not hoping to go out with Iris this weekend to Hogsmeade. I’m hoping to go out with you.”

“Me?” you repeated, surprised.

“Yes, you silly girl.” He looked endeared; a hint of mischievousness crawling up his features too. “Why would I go to you if I wanted to ask her?”

“I… I thought you went to me as a way to persuade her.”

“I didn’t.”

“Most guys do. No offense taken, honestly. I think it’s because I look friendly.”

“But I didn’t, ____. You’re still not listening to me.”

You frowned. “I’m sorry. I’m having a hard time grasping all of this.”

“Am I being too straightforward?”

“I’m not sure. It’s just that I never thought you’d ask me out.”

“Seems a little too sudden?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm, or perhaps, you’re just unbelievably oblivious.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “I’m not oblivious.”

“You are. If you weren’t, I’m sure you would have seen this coming.”

“Why would I?”

“Last game, do you remember? I literally pointed at you after I made a score.” He played as a Gryffindor Chaser, and upon the mention of it, you did remember him doing that—just in an altered version of what he was sharing now.

“No, you didn’t. You did that to Iris,” you said.

“Why do you keep bringing Iris into this?”

“Because she’s the person you like!”

“Says who? You?”

“Yes?”

“Such a reliable source, I might say,” he sarcastically said, and you could feel yourself burning up again. “You’re more convinced with your own thoughts than you are to me, which I may add, is the person who fancies you.”

He fancies me, you repeated inside your head over and over again, not entirely believing him still, although your heart seemed to be betraying you by continuously thumping fast.

“Is this some kind of prank?” you asked then, voice more quiet and unsure. You knew that he and his friends like to play jokes on people, all for the sake of having a good laugh about it.

“What? No, no, of course not,” he clarified right away, his hands tightening on your forearms. “It’s not like that. I’m not that sick, ____, I would never fake this.”

“Oh, I’m… I don’t know—I told you, it just feels sudden. How could you like me?”

Sirius softened at your question. “Because, pretty girl,” he started with an endearment, walking closer to you which you unconsciously stepped away from, your back touching the corridor wall, “there’s something about you that pulls me in. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but I want to get to know you more to discover what it is. But I do like how you’re kind and how your mind works. It’s very fascinating.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yes. And if you’ll accept my offer to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend, I’ll be glad to talk about it more,” he said. “That is, if you do go with me, but if not, then I guess you’ll just have to live with the mystery.” There was that familiar playfulness he had a reputation of.

Slowly, a smile was making its way on your lips. “This weekend, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” He grinned. “We can go to the Three Broomsticks, or even at Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop if that’s what you like.”

“I have a hard time believing you’re okay with the latter.”

“I’ll be okay with going anywhere as long as it’s with you.”

You gave him a skeptical look, though regardless, nodded. “Okay. I’ll go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend.”

His grin became wider. “It’s a date, love.” He proceeded on getting your books and bag from you, a gesture you were too surprised to stop. “Where are you headed? I’ll accompany you before my Quidditch practice.”

“Just the common room.”

He let you lead the way, starting a new conversation as you walked with him. It was a new experience for sure, even though having someone you were beside with being ogled at wasn’t a new event to you, it still felt unreal to be walking with Sirius and have him carry your things.

When the both of you entered the common room, a lot of eyes turned to your direction, intrigued and shocked.

No doubt this was going to be the talk of the Gryffindor house for the next few weeks.

[jimblejamblewritings]

the fake date plot | part 6.

Summary: Gryffindors, seventh years, classmates, unrequited love. Just a few things Y/N and James Potter had in common. When a brilliantly dumb plan is hatched the two end up getting something a little different than what they wanted.

Warnings for the Series: oh, this is a slowburn now. Or at least that's the plan.

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: yeah I know I've been gone for a year... I have no words, my bad

Previous Part | (Series Chapter List)

James came down with the rest of the marauders to find you had already fixed a big plate of breakfast for him. He gave you a peck on the cheek as he took off his quidditch jumper before sitting down. 

“Thanks, bug.”  

“Why do you call me that?” you asked, taking a bite of your English muffin. 

“Do you not like it? I can call you something else.” 

“No, I like it. I was just wondering why.” 

James shrugged. “Never thought about it… You’re cute and little, some bugs are cute and little. Yep, makes sense.” 

“I’m not little.” 

“You’re littler than me. It counts.” 

“You’re freakishly tall.” 

“Remus is freakishly tall.” 

“So are you.” You popped a fried potato chunk in your mouth. 

“Just accept it, bug.” 

You went back to your breakfast, deciding his answer and little argument was satisfactory enough for you. James nudged you with his shoulder, beginning a mini battle between the two of you until he finally conceded. It was still a learning process for the two of you, trying to figure out how to play up your fake dating. Your friends were definitely suspicious and while Lily seemed to move a bit closer, Xeno didn’t even glance your way. 

You were worried that maybe you and James were switching places in regards to the objects of your affection. You felt something squeeze your thigh ever so slightly and looked over to see James was seemingly in conversation with Peter. He must’ve caught you staring too long at the Ravenclaw table and a certain someone. 

Shaking your head, you went back to eating. That’s right. You were with James and you two needed to be sickeningly in love. Besides, Lily was coming around so maybe Xeno was just distracted right now. You opened up your journal to jot down a few notes. A looming presence hung over your right shoulder. 

“Yes, Jamie?” you asked without looking up. 

“I’m just looking at your calendar.” He pointed to a blank Wednesday. “Quill in a study date, right when classes end.” 

“Study? James Potter, when have you ever studied anything that wasn’t Charms and Defense?” 

“Well, do you really need to study wand lore or broom craft? And does memorizing a whole script count as studying?” 

“It does when you’re in a drama club. And if I can’t become an actress then I need to feed myself so I’m learning to make quidditch equipment. You idiots break at least two brooms every week each, not to mention the other stuff. I’ll never have to worry about money.” 

“You’re learning about quidditch?” 

You finally looked up, recognizing the shift in James’ tone from when you two were acting for your friends versus being genuine. Giving your fake boyfriend a smile, you stole some food off his plate. 

“It’s not because you like it. It’s because you, especially, are rich and will buy my brooms and convince all your teammates to buy my brooms.” 

He laughed so loud it made students at the other houses’ tables, including Xeno, look over. James squished your cheeks and gave you a peck. 

“I should have known you were only with me for my money. Well, I hate to inform you, love, I’ve just squandered the family fortune on flying carpets.” 

You rolled your eyes. “How do you have a cute comeback for everything?” 

“You think it’s cute?” 

You stood up from the table. “You are the cutest, Jamie. The most adorable scrumdiddlyumptious squishy-wishy super-duper boyfriend in the whole world.” 

“I sense I’m being teased.” 

“I would never tease you, Jamie bo-baimey taimey waimey rai—” 

“Ha ha, very funny. Now you deserve the punishment jumper.” 

“Punishment jumper? What am I, five years old?” Your words were muffled by a red jumper covering your face before your head popped out the other side. You looked down. “You just wanted me to wear your jumper.” 

James blushed and you wanted to laugh. Natural blush wasn’t easy with fake dating but the two of you figured out a relatively uncomfortable trick if the two of you weren’t on the same page. You were allowed to picture Xeno whenever you wanted and James was allowed to picture Lily. He was totally imagining her in his jumper— it probably helped that you and Lily were the same height and body type so the jumper fit exactly like it would on her. 

Your fake boyfriend scratched the back of his head. “Some of the team was talking about how they like seeing their partner in their jumpers and I wanted to know what that was like.” 

“And?” 

“Don’t know yet, it just looks like I dropped it on you.” 

“That’s cause you did drop it on me. Wait, let me fix it.” 

You pulled out the collar and untucked your shirt so the tails were sticking out. The sweater almost covered your skirt entirely since it was already oversized on James that you weren’t sure if you’d get a violation or not but you didn’t try to adjust it. You gave a little twirl. 

“Tada.” 

“You look great.”    

Leaning over James, who covered your skirt with his hands to make sure nothing showed, you collected your stuff. “I’ll see you later, okay? Marls, are you coming with me to Herbology or still eating?” 

Marlene tried to recover from getting caught staring, mouth open, at you and James. She shook her head no and you made your way out of the Great Hall to head to Herbology. James left only five minutes after you in order to give your friends space to gossip in peace. 

The two of you were counting on Sirius and Mary to get louder by the minute until it garnered everyone’s attention. You were sure it worked when Alice came into the greenhouse practically squealing at you. You and James were the hottest topic in school. All you could do was roll your eyes and keep taking notes as Alice started planning your entire future together. You turned to look at your friend. James wouldn’t hate you for telling one person. You both had planned to tell your closest friends when the time was right and you couldn’t take keeping a secret anymore. 

“Hey, Alice. Me and Jam—” 

The door to the greenhouse swung open but it was Professor Sprout that came in. It was James standing in the threshold. 

“Your birthday is this weekend,” he said, pointing an accusatory finger. 

“Yes, James.” 

“Bug, you didn’t say what you wanted for your birthday.” 

“I’m okay.” 

“What?” His eyebrows crinkled together. “You don’t want anything?” 

“It’s not that big a deal.” 

“Birthdays are a completely big deal.” 

“Well… I just don’t want anybody spending too much on me this year. My parents and I are saving up for university… if there is a university.” 

It was an unspoken thing that no student might make it to university when the war was ramping up. If Voldemort and the Death Eaters got bigger, a draft was likely to happen. And unlike muggles, men and women were drafted in the wizarding world since all the fighting was done with magic and didn’t require any strength outside of mental. James shook his head. 

“That’s an even better reason to give you something. It won’t be large, I promise.” 

“Small things can still be very expensive.” 

“Honestly, I’ve never looked at a price tag in my life.” 

You sighed. “You and Sirius live totally different lives from the rest of us, I wish I had rich parents… Okay, I concede. If it isn’t big then it can be whatever you want.” 

“Good. I have to go now before Slughorn loses his mind that I’m not there or worse pairs me up with Snape as a punishment.”   

(part 7...)

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[imthebadguyyy]

Arms

pairing : sirius black x reader

fandom : marauders/hp

synopsis : sirius realizes there's no place that feels more like home than your arms.

warnings : self depreciating thoughts, insecurity

a/n : felt like wandering into the realm of the marauders! do let me know if you want more :) inspired mildly by francesca by Hozier

sirius sat with james, while remus and peter sat across from them, both pouring liberal amounts of gravy onto their plates. james was also digging into an obnoxiously large amount of roast potatoes and chicken, barely pausing for a breath as he scarfed down the food.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

the great hall was not buzzing with the sound of students chattering as it usually did, and the sound remained at the decibel of a small hive of bees, while the professors murmured softly at the grand table, the munch of the many treats laid on the table for the christmas eve dinner.

sirius himself didn't feel that hungry, fork half heartedly poking at the beans on his plate. his eyes roamed around the hall, taking in the tiny mass of people at the other tables, and at dumbledore pulling mice out of his purple witches hat - his christmas special.

that very morning, his owl had dropped off a rather nasty howler from his darling mother, once again choosing to call him a colourful variety of insults and ending with her usual "disgrace and traitor to the black boodline" bullshit, followed by a chorus of "mixing with mudbloods and muggles" that had him clenching his fists in frustration.

then, his father orion had also decided to grace him with a scathing letter he burned the moment he received, but not before catching the words "shame to my bloodline", which once again had him sighing and rubbing the sore spot on his temples.

he had ignored it initially, focusing instead on the beautiful hand knitted scarf, golden watch and basket of sweets and treats he had received from euphemia and fleamont, with a small engraved gryffindor lion at the back of the watch.

he had also received a leather jacket from you, and homemade strawberry pies that you had made with help from the elves in the kitchen, and a set of silver rings to go with his pre existing ones.

remus had gifted him a muggle record called rumors from a band called Fleetwood Mac, that you had freaked out over and told him you'd listen to together because they were your favourite band ever and you'd be damned if he discovered your favourites on the album without you.

james himself had bought him bundles full off tricks and games from hogsmeade, and a framed picture of the marauders, along with a small replica of his own quidditch jersey because, "everyone has to know you're my number one fan pads!"

even marlene had gifted him a bunch of chocolate frogs, and mary had got him a postcard from venezuela and chocolate because her parents were visiting. lily had sent him muggle posters of his favorite bands as well.

but despite the merriment, the niggling insecurity of not being enough played on his mind the whole time, creeping like a shadow, insecurity slithering through the corridors of his mind, casting doubts where there once was light.

his mind was spiralling, as he looked at his plate, gulping as a sudden lump appeared in his throat. james was reading a letter from his mum to remus and peter, telling him about their travels in egypt, and peters mum had sent sweets for them to share at dinner.

oh how he longed for a mom who would write him sweet letters and send him sugary treats instead of venom coated words and flame bursting letters, a father who would teach him how to tie his tie properly for class, or tell him tales of his childhood.

sirius longed for a family to love and hold him always. and the closest he had to that was you and james.

as his thoughts turned to you, he was distracted by a sudden crash as the doors were flung open, as you rushed in, followed by the two friends with whom you sang as part of the hogwarts band, your red robes flaring as you rushed to find your spot beside him at the table.

with a pant, you flung yourself down, taking heaving breaths to calm your racing heart.

"well hello little miss" james said through a mouthful of peas, making you scrunch your nose in disapproval. "where were ya?" remus asked, piling on food onto your plate before it changed course.

"i was at band practice! we just lost track of time and then had to rush because we were so hungry!" you exclaimed, while your hands reached for sirius' under the table, taking his cold palm in yours, squeezing it tenderly to get the blood flow back in them, bringing it up for a quick peck to the knuckles before interlacing his fingers with yours.

sirius felt his heart physically slow down as he watched you, laughing a joke remus made, poking fun at james and messing around with peter. he watched as you cut the roasted potatoes into smaller chunks, dipping them in extra butter as you popped them into your mouth, and the way your eyes sparkled when you smiled.

he watched the way your hair fell, little strands framing your face as you brushed them off impatiently, all while leaning forward for a slice of a chocolate tart and icecream that had just appeared.

he watched as you put a slice of apple pie on his plate, topping it with a healthy dollop of cream, and passing it to him with a saccharine sweet smile and a murmur of "your favourite siri!" and he felt his heart flutter again.

what he didn't note was the crease in your eyebrow as you looked at your friend, the darl circles under his eyes, the slight stoop to his posture, the way his smile came out forced, lips pressed tight together with none of his gorgeous smile lines appearing around his eyes and lips.

he failed to note the way you drew a sharp breath when you felt the rough skin of his palms, coarse from all the times he dug his nails into the delicate skin to control the rage and hurt he felt at his family. the way your eyes softened as you looked at him, the way his lack of obnoxiously lewd jokes and quick wit made him look so vulnerable that it shattered your heart into a million pieces.

after the crackers were pulled and you had packed up a "grow your own warts" kit and many a butterbeer flavoured candy and a few white mice, he squeezed your hand again, gesturing towards the gryffindor common room, leaving the boys chatting with a few members of the ravenclaw quidditch team who had stayed back for christmas as well.

murmuring the password to the fat lady, you stumbled into the common room with sirius, who had his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. you sunk into your favourite armchair, and giggled when sirius fell into you with a muffled "thump"

even though you were 'just friends', you knew him better than anyone else and he knew it as well as you did.

the cozy red armchair with its plush cushioning looked as inviting as ever as he settled into it, legs haphazardly tossed over yours. affection was a major part of your relationship with sirius, having become fast friends since the first year at hogwarts.

ever since you were joint at the hip, bonding over a shared love of music, shared comfort in silence, shared trauma and a love for leather. you were as much a part of the marauders as any of the other boys, and sirius couldn't quite point to the time when you had become such fast friends.

he buried his head into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply, absorbing the lilting notes of vanilla and shea, and fiddling with the loose strands of hair at the base of your neck. you hummed softly, some melody that had been playing on your mind, hands gently running through his dark locks, nails scratching softly at his scalp.

"you okay?" you asked, noting the tenseness of his shoulder muscles, and the still present frown between his eyebrows.

a non commital shrug was the only response.

worry began to seep into your mind, surprised at how your usually bubbly bestfriend was decidedly unbubbly.

"you don't seem okay babe" you stated, lifting his chin so he was looking at you.

his stormy gray eyes reflected doubt and insecurity dancing like lightning, casting shadows of uncertainty that loomed deep in his mind.

to your surprise, tears welled up in his eyes, mirroring raindrops, poignant with a tempest of emotions swirling within, creating a tumultuous scene of vulnerability and insecurity.

"oh sweetheart.." you cooed softly, shuffling so he was engulfed in your arms. you felt him bury his face deeper into your neck, clinging to you desperately as if he was worried you'd disappear into thin air.

"talk to me honey" you whispered, trying to coax him out of his hiding place.

just as he opened his mouth to speak, the door to the common room swung open and remus james and peter trooped in, followed by a few other gryffindors.

they stopped short, taking in the scene before them, their best mate in tears in the arms of the girl he loved who happened to be his best friend.

"mate are you-" james began, only to be cut off by a glare from remus.

"who don't you go up to our dorm y/n? I'll make sure no one goes up" remus said, staring at your pointedly, offering a soft smile to you when you nodded.

"i think we'll take you up on the offer, is that okay with you siri?" you asked, still softly stroking his hair.

he nodded against you, and followed you silently as you took his hand in yours and draped an arm around his torso, pressing a kiss to his temple as you led him up the winding staircase to the boys dormitory.

as soon as you were inside, you led him over to his bed, gently pushing him down so he was sitting, eyes looking unseeingly at the posters and polaroids that graced his headboard.

with worried eyes, you watched his gaze flicker back and forth, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"talk to me siri, im right here" you cooed, kneeling down in front of him, hands resting on his knees, drawing tiny circles with your pinky over the material of his robes.

"are you here with me love?" you asked, watching the black in his pupils darken as he spaced out. you watched as he jolted a little, looking at you almost alarmed, before the tears began to drip down his cheeks.

the first drop had you sprinting into his arms, wrapping your own tightly around him, kicking your shoes off as you squeezed him tight, knees resting in between his own, as he sobbed into your chest.

you'd seen him cry before, but never like this. broken sobs spilled from his salty lips, dampening the material of your robes, and small choked sounds escaped his lips, along with deep strangled breaths as he gripped your waist to keep himself grounded.

he cried for what seemed like hours while you whispered sweet reassurances to him, kissing his cheeks, his nose, his forehead and his hands, placing his hand on your chest to feel the steady beating of your heart.

"m' right here darling, let it all go, I've got you, i promise, I'll be right here to hold you honey" you whispered to him, rocking him back and forth like a child.

sirius gripped you even tighter, clinging to you as if you were his lifeline.

eventually, his sobs slowed,and he pulled back, eyes red and swollen and face glistening with tears. even when his hair was messy and he looked like a wreck, he looked ethereal.

"oh my beautiful boy" you said, kissing the top of his head. "tell me what you need" you said, interlacing your hands.

"you, just need you" he said, and the way his broke on the word 'you' shattered your heart into a million pieces.

"just give me one second darling, okay?" you said, walking into their bathroom and taking out a clean handkerchief from your pocket. you soaked it in some water, bringing it back to him, gently wiping his eyes and then his face with it, leaving kisses on every spot you cleaned for him, before taking a comb from his nightstand and slowly untangling the mess that his hair was.

sirius watched as you combed his hair, eyebrows furrowed in attention, and he swore his heart fell even more for you.

"d'ya think you can tell me what's wrong sugar?" you asked, biting you lip when he flashed you a smile at the nickname.

"yeah" he nodded, tugging you down so you were cuddled into his side. "oh wait!" you exclaimed, fishing some chocolate out your pocket and offering a piece.

he took it with a smile, letting it melt on his tongue as he looked at you.

you were now snuggled into his shoulder, your ankle intertwined with his as you lay across from him, hand gently holding his, as his other hand traced patterns on your hip.

"darling mother of mine sent me a howler this morning for a christmas present" he said with a dry chuckle.

"did she now?" you said, anger simmering deep in your bones. "yeah, and then sperm donator sent me a lovely letter as well" he said, chuckling a little at his own nickname for his father.

"mmhmm" you said, tracing his thumb.

"yeah, jus' caught me off guard" he mumbled

"you do know that whatever they say is not true, right?" you asked, looking straight into his eyes.

"yeah but- fuck, darling, it gets hard sometimes. sometimes I feel like I am a traitor and failure. sometimes i feel like I'm not worthy of being a human, I'm not worthy of being a friend, I'm not worthy of being loved i-" he broke off, looking at the ceiling.

"you are more than just a name, sirius. you are worthy of being loved. you are worthy of being human, and you are worthy enough to have friends who care about you" you said firmly, forcing him to look back at you.

"it just hurts me sometimes" he admitted

"i know sweetheart" you cooed again. you felt like no words you said were enough when it came to this topic.

"am i really worthy of being loved?" he asked suddenly, turning his face to look at you.

"of course" you said. the silence got louder for a moment. "siri?" you asked, voice lighter than honeycomb.

"theres something Ive been wanting to tell you" he got out in a rush. "ever since we met on the train on our way here, from the tender age of eleven, my heart silently declared its allegiance to you. each passing day has been a testament to a love that started as a whisper and has grown into a resounding echo in my soul. darling, with every sunrise and every moonlit night, my affection for you deepens, as if there's an infinite well within me, filling with the boundless affection i hold for you. you are the constant melody in the symphony of my existence, and i fall harder for you with each beat of my heart" he said, turning to look at you.

you felt tears welling in your own eyes, and it only felt right when you leaned forward, pressing your soft lips to his slightly chapped ones.

to him, you tasted of strawberries and cocoa, warm and sweet and oh so extravagant, a taste so luxurious he couldn't get enough of it.

to you, he tasted of cigarette smoke, mint and cocoa, an intoxicating taste you couldn't get enough of

his lips pressed deeper against yours, hand grasping your waist tightly, pulling you flush against him, as he poured all his love and passion out for you.

time stopped, the world slowed and your heartbeat dropped to the lowest of lows. relaxed. calm. loved.

finally, when your lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen, you drew away, chests heaving as you looked at each other.

a slight flush lay on his cheeks, tinges of red littering his cheekbones. you could feel a heat thrumming in your own cheeks, and your heart felt like it was racing a million miles an hour.

"i don't know how long I've waited to say that to you" he breathed out, nuzzling his nose to yours.

"since our shared days at eleven, my heart has been a clandestine haven for the enchantment you brought into my life. you don't know how happy you made me with this. in the quiet dance of our days, my affection for you has blossomed into a resplendent garden, and with every sunrise, I find myself immersed deeper in the captivating allure of our love. you are the symphony that resonates in my heart, and i cherish you always" you told him, pressing a kiss to the swell of his cheekbone.

sirius felt his cheeks burn a deep red, and he tilted your lips up to press a searing kiss to them again.

"i love you" he gasped against your lips, drawing you closer to him.

"i love you too" you murmured against his lips moulding your body to him.

and as sirius lay there in your arms, pressing kisses as sweer and delicate as spun sugar against every part of your body but especially your lips, he realised there was no other place that felt more like home than your arms.

you.

you were his home.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

a/n : I've missed writing so much!! i really hope you enjoy this, and as always likes reblogs comments opinions etc are appreciated!! sending u all love and happiness and remember, my inbox is always open and i love making new friends!! marauders is a new field for me but if u have any reqs/ideas please do send in asks! happy reading ☺️♥️

TAGS

general : @roslastyles420 @hopeful in love @bluesongbird

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[mgcldydrms]

just imagine …

you and remus sit on either end of the sofa in the gryffindor common room. your legs are entangled while you both read your favourite books. from time to time, you look over the edge of your book, noticing the way remus' eyes were scanning the pages, the tip of his tongue sometimes poking out as he concentrates on the story. remus does the same. he can't help himself. he sees the way you smile at whatever is currently happening in your story, making him smile as well. he is lucky to call you his and it makes him happy that the two of you have so much in common. you don't really care about anyone else in the common room, not even remus' best friend's, james and sirius, can disturb your peace. when both of you finish your books, you cuddle up in the middle of the sofa, instantly talking about what you thought of your stories, sharing sweet kisses in between talking about it. you sit there until the common room was almost empty, only a few students who had forgotten to do their homework were still sitting around. remus accompanies you to your dormitory, kissing you goodnight before he makes his way to his own room.

[quuma]

i feel like everyone and their mother has spoken about this before but james potter is 100% the biggest puppy bf i've ever witnessed in literature !! like bro has MAXIMUM puppy dog stats

he's the kind of bf to INSIST UPON carrying your textbooks/bags for you and escort you to your classes class,,, like he would literally REFUSE to not do either of them,,, he gets so worked up about it that it's actually kind of pathetic (in a cute way),,,

you wouldnt even be able to carry them for 5 mins in his presence before he's scooping them out of your arms ("james i quite obviously have two perfectly functioning hands just let me hold my books pls" and his completely serious response would be "but im your bf??? and my hands are also free rn??? it's literally my job to hold your books just stfu and let me")

continuing the escorting headcanon he always ends up having to sprint to off to try and make it to his own class in time BDAHBFDH as soon as you retreive your books and walk into the classroom you try to look back and thank him,,, but there's literally just a cartoonish cloud of smoke where he stood not even 5 seconds prior (he insists that it's a good warmup for his quiddich practice)

he's also the kinda bf to literally SHOVE himself in front of you to beat you to the door, just so he can open it, dramatically wave his hand, bow, and say something cringey like "for you, my lady/liege" (BARF THATS SO CUTE IM LITERALLY GOING TO THROW UP)

OMG ALSO HE'S JUST INSANELY OBSERVANT WHEN IT COMES TO YOU????? to the point where it would be considered creepy if it wasnt james,, yknow?? there was definitely a time where upon meeting you at the door of the potions class you just finished (yes he is flushed, out of breath and sweating,,, no, he isnt going to admit that he sprinted from his C.F.M.C class 5mins early to make sure he met you at the door in time) and he does a double take and looks genuinely concerned before saying "???? pookie??? what happened to your hair???? did you do something different?? it looks different from when i saw you this morning !! D:" queue you responding with "?? wtf? i cut off a singular strand of hair for one of the potions how the actual fuck did you notice that??"

he is so babygirl i love it

i swear im not even a james stan but i can't help but ramble abt his bbygirlness

hes such a puppy dog bf

he just has the biggest heart eyes for you bro ( -3-) follows you around like a lost puppyyyyy

you dont just have him wrapped around your finger - you have him tattooed and superglued onto you istg

[serafilms]

song 4! sweeter than fiction (taylor swift) + remus lupin (spotify wrapped event)

seen you lost in a crowd, seen your colours fade, wish i could make it better, someday you won’t remember, this pain you thought would last forever and ever

The air was cold last night. You feel it when you open your window and the breeze pierces your skin, your mouth twisting into a frown. This isn’t good for Remus, whose body temperature is high enough as a human, and even higher as a wolf. He would have been freezing last night. And very agitated.

Scanning the grounds you can see from your window, you don’t see the telltale werewolf or his three companions. It’s still early morning, but you know that he usually returns around now. Madam Pomfrey must already have him.

You don’t waste time in pulling on your shoes and slipping out the room, leaving the snoozing figures of your roommates behind. The common room is empty, and it’s still a few minutes before 6am, but you’re willing to take the risk of nobody finding you until curfew is lifted.

It’s one minute past six according to the clock on the wall in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey gives you a raised eyebrow but says nothing as she leaves the room and you approach the only bed with its curtains drawn.

“Remus?”

There’s a groan in response. You pull open the curtains and slip inside.

Remus Lupin deserves the world. Which is why seeing him broken and battered, with bruises and scratches all over his arms and face, makes your heart break.

"Hi Rem."

He manages a half smile at you, but says nothing. On a better day, he might have quipped a joke, or called you a nickname, but today is anything but a good day.

"How do you feel?" You murmur, as you sit beside him and brush your fingers over his hair.

This time he replies, "Like shit."

You survey him as his voice seems to waiver, and suddenly his hand comes up to his face to rub at his eyes. It comes away wet with tears, and you don't hesitate to grab it, rubbing your thumb over the edge of his palm.

Remus inhales deeply, as his face contorts, and you swear your heart splits in two as more tears slip down his face. Your other hand comes up to wipe them away, and you lean in to kiss his cheek.

"I always think it'll get better," he cries, "each time I turn. But it never does."

Tears begin to gather in the corners of your own eyes, and you squeeze his hand a little tighter. You want to tell him that it will get better, that everything will be okay, but you want more than anything for him to believe it, and you can't seem to find the words. So instead, you gently nudge him over and slip into the bed beside him, his hand clutched in yours.

Remus breathes deeply to calm himself. His body is warm. You wonder how the world could let a boy so kind suffer like this.

"One day," you say, eyes fixed on the ceiling, "we'll be living in a nice house. With a library, filled with books floor to ceiling."

There's a rustle in the mattress beside you as Remus shifts his weight to face you.

"Lily will have invented some spell or potion to make it all easier every month, and we'll have a spare bedroom or two just for our friends to come stay with us." You turn to face him, and see tears in his eyes again. Your hand pulls away from his to wipe them, resting on his cheek as you continue.

"And you'll be doing whatever it is you want, and people will recognise you for you, and your achievements, and they'll sing your praises and know you not as a werewolf, not as a monster, but as Remus Lupin. The kindest, most clever wizard to ever walk the Earth."

Remus manages a smile, as his hand comes up to rest atop yours on his cheek. "Thank you, love."

His eyes shine with earnest.

"It'll get better, Remus." He smiles as he kisses your hand, and although you can tell that he doesn't fully believe you, you let it slide. You'll prove him wrong one day.

[starfa11]

James potter and shy reader blurbs :) James Potter is all puppy love and physical affection. He accepts it in small doses, big doses, whatever. But he just wants to hold your hand, hug you, or hold you or be as close to you as he can get. He'll be talking about something interesting that happened to Sirius and Remus, and if you just intertwine your pinkies that boy is gone. He's kissing you on the cheek and is over the moon at the small initiated contact. He adores you, he tells you of every little thing that reminds him of you, and that boy has so much love to give. He lives by the 50-50 rule. If you need a day to be at 10% he's okay with giving 90%, he will and has done whatever you needed, and every now and again when you're the one that initiates contact? He's so smitten. That boy sits there and stares at you like you're gold and he doesn't even realize he's stopped talking or listening until he's shaken out of his trance. When asked why he went so quiet all he can do is smile wide when you get an embarrassed glow on your face because his response is the same every time and it's always "I was just staring at my favorite person." that's when Sirius and Remus act as if they're horrifically disgusted, going the full way with theatrics, all while James is so enamored with you he's hardly registering it.

[pretty-little-mind33]

Wildest Dreams

James Potter x fem!reader

Summary: Finding out that your ex-best friend might have smelt you in the Amortentia feels as surreal as you smelling him.

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: harassment, non-consensual touching (non-sexual), insecurities

When you hear the door to the classroom swing open, slam into the wall, and as if on cue a chorus of laughs resound around the room, you know it's James and his imbecile friends.

Your lips thin into a tight-lipped smile as you send Marlene an exhausted look.

"Gentlemen," Slughorn drones on as he turns to look at the boys, who comedically trip over themselves to find their spots in the crowd of students, "You're late." 

"Evidently, Professor." Sirius Black quips and nudges his shoulder into James. The latter smirks.

James has somehow found his way next to you. He hasn't done it on purpose but when he turns his head and sees you beside him, his smirk turns into a wide smile.

A smile that never fails to make your knees shake and your heart feel like it could explode.

"Y/n," James whispers. 

"Hi Potter," you roll your eyes, hiding a smile behind faux frustration.

You and James aren't friends. Well, unless you counted the years from ages four to eleven, when you had been inseparable. You'd grown apart these last years and while you'd cried over your lost friendship in first year, you had decided it was for the best to distance yourself from him anyway. 

Having a crush on your best friend is incredibly cliché.

Still, although you weren't friends in the same way as you had been, James has always been kind to you.

He says hello to you when he sees you in the hallway. You have had pleasant conversations in passing, and when his family occasionally has yours over – for old times sake – you both sit on the balcony outside his window and talk as if nothing has changed. 

You shift away from James a little, feeling too close to him, and cross your arms. You turn your attention to Slughorn as he clears his throat and lifts the lid from the pot, "Very well then,"

His sentence is drowned out by the soft, delicate smell that fills the room. You pin-point the scent of broom-polish immediately. Rosemary, vanilla, bergamot and cedar. Your expression falls. Bergamot and cedar. Your head spins and you wonder if James put on too much cologne this morning or if — 

Your mind suddenly goes completely blank when you feel James's breath against your ear, uttering exactly what you had been wondering, but this time about you, "Hey, did you put on more perfume than usual? I can smell it from here," his voice is teasing and you feel just a little fainter than you already had been. 

"Amortentia," Slughorn interrupts, "The most powerful love potion to exist. It smells differently to everyone, depending on what attracts them — or sometimes who attracts them," He continues on, explaining the dangers of the potion, but you aren't listening anymore. 

You look up. James has gone quiet and he's staring at the bubbling liquid, a vacant look in his eyes. Your heart clenches and you turn your head, inclining it down. You must have heard him wrong. James must have been confused.

A pit forms in your stomach when James moves away from you, leaving your side feeling empty. You hear him laugh with Remus and your hand squeezes around your arms. 

You hadn't worn any perfume this morning.

"Hey, Y/n/n," You're pulled from your thoughts when William, another Gryffindor, comes up from behind you and shoves into your shoulder so he's standing next to you.

"I knew I'd smell someone as hot as you in there," He teases, leaning in close. "Just like fucking vanilla," Williams brings his hand into your hair, twirling some strands in his fingers as he presses his nose close to your temple and inhales. 

"Hey," You move your head away, feeling disgusted. William just barks out a laugh and his arm extends to grab yours. Suddenly, you're almost pushed to the side when James stands in front of you and shoves William away. The boy bumps into the cauldron and the Amortentia spills all over the floor. 

"All three of you," Slughorn suddenly booms, his cheeks flushed crimson, "McGonagall. Now."

So you find yourself standing in the middle of James and William in McGonagall's office. The older woman is sitting at her desk, her arms crossed as she stares at you all from behind her small glasses. She looks at William first considering his shirt is drenched in the thick liquid from the Amortentia, "What happened?"

"Potter shoved me," Williams states quickly, glaring at James.

"And I'd do it again," James snarls, crossing his arms. 

McGonagall looks utterly exhausted at their bickering and turns her attention to you. "What about you, Miss Y/l/n, care to explain what happened?"

William sends you a dark look, but when you look at James his expression is soft. "William made me uncomfortable in class and when James saw, he accidentally shoved him into the Amortentia and it spilled all over."

"It wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!" William argues like a child and James sends him a knowing smirk.

"Oh yeah, the shove was intentional," he grins wolfishly, "Although, I didn't mean to knock the potion over, Minnie," James looks over at McGonagall and this time he looks a little sheepish. McGonagall just stares at him as if he has gone insane and then she looks at you.

"You can leave, Miss Y/l/n," she says and looks back at the boys and hums, "You two may not."

You glance at James a little nervously but he sends you a reassuring smile. So, you ignore William's loud complaining and thank McGonagall as you walk out of her classroom.

* * *

A few hours later, when you're walking out of the Great Hall after dinner, you and your friends run into James again. He's also with his friends, leaning against the wall, and they're laughing obnoxiously loud.

However, when James sees you his smile widens. "Ladies," he says, crossing his arms cheekily.

"Gentlemen," your lips curl into a smirk as you nod at Sirius, Remus, and Peter. James tilts his head at his friends, his expression quirking almost as if he's annoyed that you mentioned them and not him. 

"You feeling okay?" James asks. 

You stare at him, trying to understand exactly what he means.

Does he really care or is he only asking because he's in trouble because of you. Is it mocking?

You start to overthink and James can sense it. So, he moves a little closer to you and you can smell his cologne. It sends heat creeping up your neck.

He asks again. "After what happened with William," he whispers, "when he made you uncomfortable. Are you okay?" James looks genuine and you see his hand hesitating to touch your arm.

You look up at him, staring into his eyes, "O-Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I was just - I didn't think anyone would have smelt me in that potion," you laugh, rambling because that's what you do when you're nervous. You can see James's expression shift into a small smile.

"You'd be surprised," he says, rubbing his nape, "Hey, can we talk in private? I wanted to ask you something?"

Once you say yes, you find yourself in a small, empty, classroom with James. You lean against a desk, hand gripping the edge as you stare at him. "What's up?" you ask. James has never asked you to talk like this.

"My mum is having one of her family dinners for Christmas," James starts, "I wanted to invite you, personally," he adds, as if he's been rehearsing. 

Usually, his mother will invite yours and then by proxy you'll show up. But, this is different. "You want me to come?" your eyebrow raises in confusion, "Personally?"

"Yeah," he sounds unsure, "I mean we're friends, right?"

Is that what we are, you want to ask him but you don't. "I didn't think we were friends anymore," You say honestly and James's expression falls.

He fiddles with his hands nervously but walks closer until he's directly in front of you. You lean away from him and into the desk, chin tilted up to look at him. 

"I'm an idiot," he whispers, looking at you intensely, "I shouldn't have let you slip out of my hands like that. I, well, miss you, a lot."

You listen to him with harsh breaths, trying to understand where this all comes from and why now.

James's hand reaches out and hovers over your cheeks until he holds you and brings you closer to his face. Your eyes round. You're so sure he'll kiss you with how close you are and by the way he's looking at you. You don't have time to make up your mind if you'd want to kiss him or not, because instead, he guides your cheek to his chest and his arms wrap around you. 

He crushes you into a hug. 

Your breath escapes you in a sigh, "James?"

"Y/n," he says your name smoothly and soothes a hand down your hair, "You smell like vanilla and cinnamon. With just a hint of freshly-mowed grass, probably because whenever I see you after a Quidditch match you always have some grass in your hair, right here," James says in a whisper and his finger traces behind your ear.

"Usually from a small tumble," he adds, "You're so clumsy sometimes."  

You pull away only to have him hold you closer. 

"I can't keep pretending I don't think about you," he admits and that sends all emotions crashing over you. You stare at him, lips parted and eyebrows creased, as you try and understand the meaning behind the words. "I smelt you in the Amortentia," James admits.

"You smelt me? You're joking."

James suddenly frowns and he watches as you practically try and sink into the desk behind you. He can take a hint and he moves away. "What? No?" 

You feel your cheeks burn hot with embarrassment. "You aren't joking?"

James's face softens and he smiles. "Of course I'm not – I smelt you and also your perfume which," his smile turns into a smirk, "I can tell you aren't wearing right now." James chuckles happily, his eyes crinkling in the corners and your heart flutters. "Merlin I gave myself away in that classroom, didn't I, love?" 

Your insides become mush at the nickname and you find yourself nodding. 

James looks at you fondly even when he says, "I understand if you don't feel the same. If I'm not the boy you like or a boy you want. I have been a foolish ass for the majority of our time here at school. I've ignored you and worse than that, I let myself forget how lucky I was to have you as my friend and I'm so sorry."

As you hear his words, you can feel tears brim in your eyes. James's fond smile disappears and he starts to panic. "Hey, hey, hey!" his hands cup around your cheeks without even thinking. "I don't want to make you cry, love. Y-you're okay," he promises frantically. 

James is so close. His cologne has invaded your senses until you can't think clearly. All you can do is lean in closer until your nose brushes his. James is surprised but when he looks into your eyes, his body relaxes as he understands what you want. You like to think it's all the years you were friends that makes it so easy for James to understand.

"You want me to kiss you?" he whispers, his voice husky and low.

You feel warm all over as his arm slides behind you and he holds your lower back, waiting for a yes so he can pull you closer. You nod, smiling. You wonder if I have to tell him he's the one you smelled in the potion or if he'll understand by the way you kiss him. 

James's lips press onto yours. He's testing the waters, making sure he's not moving too quickly or too slowly. You let your hand find his hair as you pull him closer. James's hand wraps around you and in the passion, he hoists you up onto the desk behind you and you pull him in.

You kiss him like you've never kissed anyone and it takes your hand on his chest to snap James back into reality. He gently disconnects your lips and leans his forehead on yours.

His eyes are still closed when he says, "Shh, we have all the time in the world. I don't plan on letting you slip away from me again, Y/n," he says it like a promise. Like a prayer. 

Finally, you speak, "James. I missed you," you admit in a whisper. 

James holds you closer. "I missed you more. You don't know how much you mean to me." 

You laugh, feeling how close he is and how badly he doesn't want to drop your hand. "I think I can guess," you say teasingly.

James shakes his head. "My love goes beyond any words I could possibly muster." 

You stare at him with a raised eyebrow. "Since when is James Potter such a hopeless romantic?" 

James grins, his hand sliding down to your thigh as he draws soothing circles on your skin, "He's always been a romantic, darling. He just hasn't had the chance to show you," he whispers and quickly kisses the tip of your nose. 

"Well, he can start now," you smile.

James nuzzles his nose into your shoulder. "So, does this mean that we're friends again?"

You pull away and send him a playful look. "Can this mean we're more than friends now?"

James looks into your eyes and deep in his brown ones, you can see his sincerity, "We'll be whatever you want, love," he says. He hugs you close and your face is buried in his neck. You sniff, your smile widening.

You whisper into his neck, "Bergamot and cedar."

James chuckles, still holding you, "What was that, love?"

"Nothing," you smile, simply content with holding him. 

[futurewriter2000]

Warm Enough

A/N: Spent all day writing this with some distractions in between but I love it! LOVE IT! I still got it. 

REQUEST: Post!Azkaban Sirius is really burned out with Grimmauld Place but he absolutely refuses to go outside in the snow no matter how many jackets he has on bc the cold reminds him of the dementors in Azkaban and reader helps him work through it.

(REQUESTS ARE CLOSED)

XX

He slept... and slept... and slept... 

The curtains were covering the little light that was trying to make way to that darkened room- the room that never changed, not one thing was moved since he left it. His desk was covered in papers from his Hogwarts days, some awful written essays about potions for Professor Slughorn and there were drawings of werewolves, vampires, ghouls and charicature of Remus and Peter from their boy ages. Peter had overly large eyes and thick glasses stuck on him, mustache and some pimples, meanwhile Remus had large ears, awfully crooked nose and half missing teeth. It was funny back then because James and Sirius both drew that together during Arithmancy class. James had a talent for drawing, everybody that knew him knew that and Sirius, growing up by his side, managed to pick that up as well. Never good as James... in anything... James was always better. So why was it that it had to be James the one that was murdered and not him. Sirius would give anything to have switched places. James would handle all of this so much better than he did. 

Sirius’ sides were hurting from laying in the bed but it was as if the gravity was pulling him into the matress. His pillow felt uncomfortable though and so did every position he tried to fall back asleep. He hasn’t looked much around his room since he came back. He hasn’t noticed the past, whteher that was a conscious decision or sub-conscious. All he ever saw was his bed that always seemed to pull him into slumber. Why he woke up? The dreams started to turn into nightmares. Memories would hunt him, sometimes good memories from his boy days and sometimes memories from his 20′s- those he would suppose to enjoy the most. He didn’t. He spent it in the cold and darkness, that was why the bed was so inviting. It was warm, so warm and comforting. 

He heard a knock on the door and a head peered through. He lifted his head a bit, only to see the shape or the little sign to know who it was. 

“May I come in?” said the voice. 

He wailed quietly and shuffled himself amont the silk sheets. Maybe he did despise his family but at least they bought silk. 

“I will take that as a yes.” the person shuffled in the room and closed the door. “Blimey, Sirius. What are you- a vampire?” the curtains broke open and there was more light in the room, shining over every piece of furniture that hid in the dark for all these years. The person opened the door widely and the freezing, sharp cold burst in against the skin, causing the reaction of goosebumps. 

“I’d like to sleep.” 

“It’s three pm.” 

“I’ll get up at four.” he shuffled his head in the sheets as the cold reached his nose far too quick.” 

He could feel the infamous glare- the one only you could make to make him quirk a smile. You crossed your arms over and smirked. 

“So this is your room.” you let go of the hold and let your hands roam free over the furniture. “It does match your personality quite well- OH! A pony bike!” you laughed and made your way to it. Blue and a bit dusty but it would still probably work if you tried it. 

He peeked through the sheets and started to watch you wander. 

For some odd reason, you wore pink shirt and a black trainer. He’s not used to you wearing such light colours, especially pink. You were more of a moddy, dark teenager as he remembered, just like most of them were. Your figure was womanly, curves in all the right places and your hands- your whole body moved so delicatly, elegantly over his room. 

You came over his desk and saw the drawings hiddent underneath the paper.

‘James’ - you thought and smiled as you saw his usual drawing style. Your smile widened at the sight of the charicatures. You didn’t want to open this theme though. Not in front of him. Not when he slept for so long in the darkness of his own home. You knew this subject always opened a wound in him- a wound that resulted in fury and revenge. 

“Cannot believe you still have Slughorn’s paper.” you grabbed it and started reading it, laughing midway. “And it’s horrible.” you laughed and he rolled his eyes, laying on his back. 

“Well, I despised Potions and that man was all about Snape and Lily being the best of the best of his favorite, perfect little apprentices.” he mocked and you laughed, making his way towards him. 

You laid on the bed next to him, placing your arms on top of his chest as you did almost 20 years ago. The two of you never dated but you both were in the same friendgroup. Back then you found him quite childish and annoying but you’ve always cared about him. It was a bit sad there was only three of you left... four if you count the rat Peter. 

He smiled at the sight. He never told you that back then but whenever you did that, drunk or not, he always felt such a rush of heat rush his body. His heart would go into a whole new world of high rollercoaster rides and Merlin, the face you made- the look you gave him with those glimmering eyes- the glimmer that never seemed to go away throughout the years. He felt himself sweat onto his perfect silk and the cold never seemed too cooling enough to bring down his tempeture. 

“I miss those times sometimes.” you said, looking into his eyes as he gazed into yours. 

“Yeah... I never imagined it would en up like this, you know?” 

“There can still be a happy ending, you know?” you said, drawing circles on his chest but he hated that because it made him arouse and so he put his hand on top of yours to stop. “Sorry.” you said. “I forgot.” You knew he hated that, you just thought it was because he hated it in general, not the real reason behind it. 

There was a moment of silence and for the longest of time, he wanted to ask you this quiestion. “Did you believe it?” 

You lied down next to him, staring at the ceiling. “Believe what?” 

“That I did it.”

You knew it was going to be something among those lines but you were going to answer it truthfully. “I didn’t...at first. I couldn’t- it didn’t make any sense to me. From all the years I have known you, I just couldn’t put your personality and that action together.” you paused and looked at him. The two of you were so close, in his bed and that made you not only nervous but extremely, beaucoup nervous. 

“And then?” he asked, watching every facial movement you made. 

“I had to... somehow believe it.” you sat up from the guilt, even though he didn’t blame you for one bit. He believed he killed them too, if he was truly honest with himself... but he wasn’t. “Somebody had to take the blame and after years, I had to point at somebody because I was still so mad that they died. Especially when I saw Harry on the news- something inside of me just exploded. I was angry because there was logic fighting with me and the need to blame somebody for it. Peter was supposed to be dead, you know? And everything led to you. So either I was going to get crazy for not believing it or I should just accept it and have peace.” you turned back to him and he was smiling a bit. Shocked, you furrowed your eyebrows and asked: “What?” 

“You’re just so funny when you care what I think.” he sat up as well, feelig the pain in his legs burn from all the lying around. Yet it was too cold for him and he had to close the windows. He had to. 

“You laugh but I felt so guilty when Remus told me the truth. It was the shock all over again.” you walked behind him. “I don’t understand why didn’t you just tell us the truth?” 

“Would that have made any difference?” he said as he turned around from the window only to find you standing close to him... too close. “James was dead. Lily was dead and like you said- all evidence pointed to me. If nothing I was guilty of attempted murder.” he started to walk out of the room, you following. 

“It would have made all the difference in the world.” you started to raise your voice a bit and he noticed that, bringing up his hot-headed temper. 

“I really don’t want to talk about that, right now, (y/n).” he gritted his teeth.

“Well, not talking about it won’t make it go away.”

“I know that.” he turned towards the kitchen.” 

“It would have made a difference to Harry, to Remus- to me!” you started to shout as he burst into the kitchen and you right behind him. 

He opened the cupboards quite aggressively and you could see he was a bit furious. 

You wanted to be furious- you did. You wanted to explode and make a whole mess about it but you knew... that wouldn’t bring you any satisfaction. It would only make chaos. 

You could see it in his eyes- those angry, feisty dark grey eyes that you shouldn’t make a storm out of rain, so you took a deep breath in and put your hand on top of his. “I’m sorry.” you said softly and you could feel his hand relax, the veins on top of his slim fingers disappear back into its depths and his eyes soften. 

He closed one of the cupboards and leaned onto the counter. 

“I just don’t like to get reminded of my mistakes, (y/n). That’s all.” he said, looking at you through those dark curls of his that fell in front of him. “Don’t you think I know what I did? And every day I was reminded in that cell... every day of those 12 years.” he let out a pitiful laugh, turning around to lean his backside on the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. “You lot kept me alive.” he continued to smile. “And you also made me fall in the darkest corners of my soul.” his smile now faded. “I was trapped in that stupid cell, filled with rage and revenge and you were out there living your best lives- living your twenties how we talked about we would.” he sighed, trying not to look at you but you made him do it by standing in front of him. He wanted to continue but you already wrapped your arms around his neck and squeezed him tight. He let go of his arm hold and wrapped his arms around your torso, sighing and nuzzling close into your neck. 

“Should we go for a walk?” you whispered into his shoulder and he gently pulled away, looking down into your eyes. “To breathe- to clear your head?” you smiled but he only moved away and moved his head sideways as a no. 

“I don’t really want to.” he walked towards the fridge to get some milk. “Plus everybody would recognise me.”

“I know this path in the back- it’s really nice and brings a lot of solitude. It’s quite enchanted now that it’s all covered in a white coat.” 

But that didn’t convince him. 

“I don’t really want the cold.” he poured the milk into a cup and put the cup into microwave.

“Why don’t you just heat it on the stove? It’s faster.” you judged immediately.

“It’s faster in the microwave.”

“It’s faster on the stove.” 

“But the milk gets all burnt on the bottom.”

“You pour a bit of water on the bottom.”

“Too much work.” 

“You’re too much work.” you now bickered and he laughed. “Anyways, it’s snowing and you just put the jacket on- come on.”

“No jacket would be enough to keep me warm- even if I turned into a bear- I won’t.” he stood next to the microwave, crossing his arms again and you mimicking him. 

“You’ve been stuck in here for too long. Don’t be a lazy sod and go for a walk.” 

“No.”

“What do you mean no? Are you afraid of little snowflake?” you started to tease. “Will it wet your perfect curls? Newsflash, they’ll start to fall off soon anyway.”

“Oi! Don’t mess with receeding hairline- alright.” he started to comb his hair. “Our genes are strong.”

“Not all genes make it.”

“Oh, sod off.” he waved his hand in front of you and pulled the cup out. “You’re just jealous of it.”

“It’s overrated.” you mocked and he chuckled. 

“Come on, I’m serious.” you leaned on the counter in front of him, pleading with your eyes. “It’s just a little snow. We used to love it.”

He kept his eyes on yours and he could feel his knees giving into it more than his soul did. No... that was a lie. His soul would succumb to you, especially when you acted like that. 

Almost though. 

“It’s not the snow that bothers me.” he mumbled and walked past you, into the living room. 

Again, you followed him. “Then what is it?” 

You couldn’t figure it out. Nothing really happened. James and Lily died on the end of October and nobody’s birthday was in January that you know of... so what is it.

“I just don’t like the cold.” he sat down and turned on the TV, sipping on his choco.

“It’s not even that cold. It’s barely 8 degrees. It’s not even on zero.” you rolled your eyes and sat down beside him. 

“If you want to go, then go. I’m not.” he started to speak with a sharper tone.

You sat there, speechless. You really didn’t understand this man. You knew he wasn’t the same man as he was 12 years ago but there was something in Sirius that always screamed adventure. He wasn’t an introvert and he wasn’t the one that would hate to go outside. If you could find him anywhere in Hogwarts, it was definitely outside. So it made you sad to see him like this. See somebody so down... but you won’t force him to go out either. It doesn’t feel right. 

“I just wanted to make you feel better.” you mumbled as you  got up and left the living room. 

You didn’t look back. You couldn’t because of all the tears that were gathering in your eyes. It felt such a big rush of emotions climbing up from the bottomless you threw them all these years ago. It felt like grief... but not for James and Lily and the other friends you lost in that war. It was for Sirius because that day, you lost him too and you felt so much love inside of you that you had nowhere to give. Yes, he was imprisoned for 12 years and he must have suffered the loss but did that mean that your problems, your grief, your importance was less worthy than his because your problems were smaller than his. You went through a lot after Sirius was imprisoned. The hours of questioning, the terror in those nights that followed, insomnia, anxiety attacks, tears of loss- losing one person by one- counting down the days of when this is all going to be over. He may have been imprisoned, far away from all of that- he didn’t get to see others slip away slowly and he didn’t have family that fought in those. 

You wiped the tears away from your eyes and washed your hands, opening the doors widely before seeing him appear in front with an apologetic look in his eyes. 

You couldn’t, however. Not when your thoughts and emotions were raging inside of you. The bells of the past rang so loudly in your head that you pushed past him and walked into your room. 

He followed. 

You couldn’t say anything. There was something squeezing your heart so tightly right now that you only faced away from him, towards the white snow in front of you, a window glass seperating the two of you. Tears wanted so badly to climb up but you fought them with all your might. He won’t see you cry. He just won’t. 

But he knew. He knew you were upset and he knew why. You could have stayed in your apartment, enjoying your normal life, going to work, watering plants if you had any, going out with your friends, working on your hobbies... and you’re throwing all that away to spend your days with him, closed up in this house and trying to give him any feeling of normal you can. Hell, he should be even thankful that you decided to speak to him. You were always the toughest in the friend group, yet somehow the most understanding one. 

“It was cold there...” he started, sitting down on your bed and watching you face him your back. “And at first I didn’t mind it. I felt like I deserved it. I felt like I killed them all.” he said. “I didn’t know what was happening outside those walls and I preffered it that way. James was dead and he was the only thing I kept thinking about. I didn’t think about Lily or Harry or anybody really. James was always so much more than my best friend and I loved him- God, I loved him... even if he was so much better than me in every possible way, I couldn’t envy him because I loved him so much. He was everything I had. His parents were gone and then he was gone and without him... I just couldn’t function properly.” he looked up at you but you didn’t move, he could only see your reflection in the mirror, looking back at him. “And at first, the revenge, the fury inside of me was keeping me warm so the cold didn’t really matter but when that faded away, I could feel my toes freeze up. I walked up and down the cell, every day. Eight thousand steps every day... a few jumping jacks to get my blood pumping if I had any energy inside me left but it only lasted around 20 minutes. Then cold hit... again.” he said and suddenly, he could feel you sit beside him and the way your cherry blossom lotion made its way into his nostrils. 

He didn’t dare to look at you. Not now when he was so vulnerable. The only thing he could do was look at your hand and wanting its warm touch to give him comfort as it always did... but it didn’t. It was just there... in his vision... so far away. Touch his arm, his thigh, his hair... anything- he wants it so badly when all his emotions are in chaos. 

He looked away, gathering his thoughts. “I could deal with Dementors for a while as well but that didn’t last either. There were some days, months even, especially in the winter when the food was hard, tasteless and... well, cold... not much of it either. I started to lose my energy to do those walks or jumping jacks or to move a muscle. I laid there on that bed and tried to warm myself with all the clothes and blankets I could muster. I was weak and Dementors... it’s like they smell you and he came and I was sleeping when I felt it. I was so confused and-and-” he lost his train of thoughts as his eyes moved left and right on the ground as if he still couldn’t believe he let himself get caught like that. 

Then there it was. That warmth, right between his lats, down his spine to his toes and up to his arms. It was like a relief and he could finally look at you, looking back at him with tear-filled eyes and a comforting smile- the one that he adored so much. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” you said and he smiled, tears dripping down as he grabbed your face between his palm and leaned his forehead on yours. 

“Oh, no!” he smiled so brightly and looking at you. “I want to tell you what I did next.” he said and put your hands into his, kissing the top of it and making you smile. “When you want a Dementor to leave you alone, you had to think of your happy memories and if I tried to think of James, I could only think of the grief and the pain his death left on me. And I thought so hard to think of something happy and I thought of you.” he leaned his chin on top of your hands and watched you with a smile, eyes gilstening from all the tears that continued to fall. He was in too deep now. “Whenever you walked into the room it was always lighter, wasn’t it? Everybody loved you and the way you bickered with James- it was the most funniest thing in the world. He simply adored you though- everybody did because you were this light in everybody’s lives. People came to you like magnets and you sort of ran away from them sometimes.” he laughed and you laughed with him. 

“It was a gift I didn’t really like.” 

“But you accepted them anyway.” he continued. “And besides James, you were the only one that could make me say things out loud- whenever I had any girl problems or army- I could tell you the most random things I thought in the middle of the day because you were so easy to talk to- so accepting of everybody and everything but you still had your boundaries. You were the one people came to when they needed something because no matter what, you had it and you didn’t judge us for it. And I remembered that day we got wasted with Remus in our room and you would lay down on me like you do, look at me with your eyes and I would just fall in love all over again with you- every time. That day and the day you looked at me in your black skirt and white shirt underneath the blazer. And another day when you would just lay your head on my shoulder and I would tell you to sod off but when you did it, it was the best thing.” you laughed a bit because you knew it was true. You liked to flirt with all the boys in the friend group but it was always innocent, except with Sirius because he was the one that was always single and the two of you would always mess around. You knew the two of you liked each other but it never felt right at the time. 

“You fancied me.” you gooed at him and he smiled. 

“I still do.” he brought your hands closer to his chest. “Back then it really felt like a casual fancy but the dementor left and I could find myself on the ground smiling at the memory of you- then it hit me. I need to know what happened to you and there was nobody there to tell me what- so I stayed hopeful that please, not you. And it was a horrible thought to have but I prayed and I wished that if I ever get out of here, you would still be alive.”

“And I am.” you smiled. 

“You are. It was one of the first things I checked before I ran for Harry.” he laughed, thinking back. “You were out with a friend and laughing so much with her- and she was quite funny.”

“You stalker.” you fooled around and he laughed. 

“I was for a bit but I couldn’t face you back then... and I couldn’t face cold again because I spend 12 years in that tempeture, shivering and surviving- felt as if it was the second version of Hell nobody mentioned before... and every winter since I just... I can’t face it.” 

You watched his head fall back down and you knew you had to understand him... but you also understood fear and fear was not real. 

“You’re not there anymore.” you said. “You’re here and if you continue to think that this cold is the same cold as it was in Azkaban, then you are still stuck there.” you continued as he watched. “And I’m here... not Dementors or any other prisoner- me.” it was your turn to place your palms underneath hsi jaw and scrunch your nose. “And my torture is different. I can bring you out and shove your face into the snow just like I did every time.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, James shoved your face into the snow.”

“That’s debatable. It has been a long time, your memory must be foggy.”

“I think I can remember (y/n) the Snowman.”

“Turning mean now, aren’t we?” 

He only laughed. 

“And you know what... if you get cold I’ll be right there to bring you back into your warm home.” 

He smiled, seeing so much of you in this entire moment that the two of you shared and it clicked, just like it clicked all these years before... “I think you are my warm home.”

[vnderoos]

with every seed you sow ✧ sirius black

(gif is not mine, credit to the owner) warnings / language word count / 13.9k

masterlist in bio ↴

THE MARKS THAT Y/N Y/L/N HAD RECEIVED on her last Transfiguration exam were ghastly compared to her usually outstanding work. There was just something about the material that Professor McGonagall had been teaching the last few weeks that she just couldn't seem to grasp. Even her friends—the Marauders, they preferred—had all done better than her, even Peter, and they chose to spend their free time partying or wreaking havoc on the rest of the castle. Perhaps that was why McGonagall had agreed to let her retake the test in a week's time, as long as she'd received tutoring from the student who'd received the highest grade.

And, of course, that was how Y/N ended up in the library with one of her dark-haired friends—surprisingly—through dinner on a Friday night. Their textbooks and note-covered pieces of parchment were splayed across the wooden table, as evidence that they'd already been there for hours. "Sirius, please," she groaned for the umpteenth time as he snuck his wand out to twirl a tendril of her hair around it and she ran her hands over her face in what she hoped looked like annoyance, but the hint of a smile on her lips would give everything away if he noticed. She should've known that with how close he was sitting beside her—so close that she could smell his cologne—that it would never get past him, and it didn't. "You know, if I'd known you were going to be like this, I would've put my request in for Remus, instead," she told him half-heartedly, trying to press her lips into a thin line to fight her grin, but he'd already seen it.

Sirius slipped his wand back into his robes and threw his head back in a laugh, his mouth stretching out into a grin—one that showcased his nearly perfect set of teeth. She could feel her cheeks heat up slightly at the sight of it, almost confused as to whether he'd gotten this handsome overnight or if she'd just never noticed until now. She had early spent time with him alone—away from the others—so the latter definitely made sense. Or, maybe, it was all just some sort of weird trick her mind was playing on her as payback for hours of studying. That seemed more likely. "We both know you like it when I bug you, Y/N/N," he pointed out, a crooked smile settling on his lips once he'd gotten his laughter out of the way, and he reached out a slender hand to wind a lock of her hair around his index finger this time.

She shot him a look, despite the sudden racing of her heart, and she reached up to take his wrist in her hand, her resolve faltering briefly at how warm his skin felt beneath her fingertips. She covered her sharp inhale with a deep sigh and unraveled her hair from around his finger, trying to recall a moment where he'd been this touchy with her in front of the others, but coming up short. "Not when we're meant to be studying, Black," she drew out and she gently pushed his hand back towards his own body with her cheeks ablaze, trying to tell herself that his signature smirk was not having some out-of-the-blue effect on her, because it wasn't. It was the same smirk she'd seen him give countless other girls, so it absolutely wasn't. She was just a bit hazy from having her nose in her textbook all afternoon.

Sirius let out a huff of amusement at her answer, clearly satisfied, and he propped one of his elbows on the table, leaning his chin into it. "So you do like it?" he retorted, a smirk playing on his lips.

Y/N widened her eyes at him. "Are you thick?" she asked, gesturing to the materials that littered the wooden tabletop and she lifted her hand like she was about to swat him. "I'm saying you need to—"

Sirius pushed himself off of his hand when hers lifted and he wrapped his long fingers around her wrist, leaning in towards her. He used his other arm to brace himself against the back of her seat. "Relax, Y/L/N, I'm kidding," he whispered and she could feel his breath against the shell of her ear, sending shivers down her spine, and his dark eyes stared intently into her own. She'd never realized how quickly he could take the breath from her lungs without even trying until then and she could hear her heart pattering in her ears. "We'll keep studying, if that's what you want," he muttered lowly, his thumb tracing semi-circles on her wrist and leaving trails of fire in its wake.

She nodded, swallowing thickly as she did, and she couldn't help but wonder what the hell was happening to her as she looked into his eyes. He was entirely unreadable, but she was sure her emotions were written in bold, black letters on her forehead. "It is," she managed quietly, averting her gaze from his because she couldn't take it any longer, and she pulled her hand gently out of his grasp.

Sirius let her with no qualms, but he left his arm around her chair. "Very well, then," he said, turning his head back towards his book, and she got an inkling feeling that he knew exactly what he was doing when he placed his free hand on her knee instead, tapping his fingers against her skin. Part of her wanted to knock his hand off of her leg, but the other part of her liked the warmth it brought, so she listened to the latter and let her hand rest gently on top of his own to keep it in place.

Y/N could see him turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye after that. "Thank you," she all-but-whispered and he nodded, giving her knee a soft squeeze. It was unbeknownst to her that the little tug in her lungs that followed was the first bud of many that a painful, unrequited love would soon bring her as it bloomed inside of her chest.

—

Slivers of golden sun seeped through the curtains in the dorm room that Y/N shared with Lily Evans the following Monday morning, stirring her from a less-than-sound slumber, and she rolled over in her four-poster bed. She hadn't seen Sirius much over the weekend, the last proper time having been their little study session, and oddly enough, she was looking forward to another one later that night. It was a strange feeling, even considering thinking about Sirius Black as more than a mutual friend, but it wasn't unwelcomed. Maybe spending time with him alone again, instead of letting the thought of him bounce around in her head all day, would ease some of the tightness that had been building up in her chest.

Of course, she'd have to make it though breakfast with the rest of the crew first.

She let out a loud sigh and lifted her hands up to her face, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "G'morning, Y/N/N," Lily hummed from across the room. "It's about time you've woken up. I nearly left for breakfast without you," she pointed out and Y/N shot up quickly, almost certain that the girl was pulling her leg. To her dismay, Lily's freshly laundered robe hung loosely off of her body, covering her neat uniform, and her red hair fell smoothly over her shoulders. Wondering how long she'd slept in, Y/N glanced at the small clock on her bedside table.

Her eyes widened as she did and she practically threw her red covers off of her body. "Dear Merlin, Lily," she gasped, tugging her fingers through her hair to brush it out the best she could on a time crunch, and she hopped hurriedly out of bed. "Hit me with a pillow next time I sleep in, please," she said through a nervous laugh, tugging her pajamas off and rushing to get her uniform on while Lily laughed.

"You don't have to move at the speed of light, Y/N/N," Lily pointed out as Y/N slipped her arms into her sweater, running out of stamina rather quickly from throwing everything about, and she poked her head through the hole. Lily sputtered out another laugh at the fact that she'd reminded her of some sort of mole rat with that mannerism. "I'm sure we'll still beat the boys, even if we are a few minutes late," she reassured her, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I can braid your hair if you'd like, so you don't have to style it," she offered and she took a couple steps over to her dormmate as she finished getting dressed, watching her adjust her red and gold tie one last time in the mirror that was propped up beside her bed.

Y/N nodded and she pulled an elastic out of her bedside table. "That would be lovely," she accepted, passing the black band over to Lily. "And you're right about us beating the boys. I forget it takes Sirius ages to do his hair," she joked, leaning her head back when Lily pulled her hair over her shoulders, separating it into three sections softly. That's probably why his hair looks so bloody lovely all the time, she thought to herself, staring at a pattern on the wallpaper absentmindedly.

She heard Lily let out a huff of amusement and she tugged on her hair softly. "Lovely?" she repeated and her sneaky smile carried into her tone. Y/N's cheeks flushed red when she realized she'd made her little comment out loud. Blast. "Funny that you say that, really. What was it that he said you called him just last week, hm?" Lily pretended to think about it while her fingers moved nimbly, tossing one bit of Y/N's hair over the next. "A 'loud, greasy, little mongrel', was it?" she teased, knowing full well that had been exactly what she'd called him.

Y/N could feel her cheeks flare further, and she could see their warm color in her reflection. She pressed her lips together for a moment as Lily tied off her braid before she shook her head, turning around to point a stern finger at the girl. "Hey, I only said that because Slughorn kept looking at us during his lecture and he would not shut up," she defended herself, picking her bag up off the floor as Lily went to do the same. "I didn't mean it. I happen to like his hair, actually. It's," she paused, shrugging her shoulders, "pretty," she finished and she stuck her chin up slightly, like she was proud to say it, and honestly, she kind of was. She couldn't tell you how many times she'd thought about twirling her fingers in it, just as he'd done to hers the night of their first study session.

"Oh?" Lily's eyebrows lifted as the girls made their way towards the door and she nudged Y/N gently in the side with her elbow when they started down the staircase. "What else about Sirius do you happen to find pretty?" she questioned, a teasing lilt in her voice, and Y/N's heart started pounding in her ears. She let out some sort of garbled noise and she glanced over at the girl with wide eyes. Lily burst into laughter at the sight, her lips pulled back in a perfect grin.

Y/N pushed her way out of the portrait hole, "Oh, shut it."

"You're rather defensive this morning," Lily observed when they started down the corridor, making their way towards the Great Hall. "Or maybe, you're just getting defensive about him," she theorized, leaving his name out now that they were immersed in a herd of other late students, all headed to breakfast.

"I'm not getting defensive about him," Y/N retorted, guess what, defensively.

Lily hummed, "Really? Because it seems like it to me. What happened during your study date?"

Y/N shot her a look that was contrary to her brightening cheeks and fluttering heart. "I'm not getting defensive about him, alright?" she repeated in a firmer tone, ignoring the heat of the growing pressure in her chest and the butterflies in her stomach. "And it was not a study date, it was a study session, and nothing happened. It was nothing," she told her, tucking her thumb underneath the strap of her leather bag. She was holding out and she knew it. Lily knew it, too, but it wasn't like she was just going to blurt out all of her newfound feelings when she didn't quite understand them herself, even if they had been germinating all weekend.

"Well, if you say so," Lily conceded.

Luckily, she didn't push the topic any further as they walked through the large doors and into the dining hall, making their way over to the Gryffindor table. Peter and James were sitting a little less-than-peacefully with Marlene, all of them immersed in noisy conversation as the two walked up.

Marlene tilted her head up at the sight of them and she flashed the girls a wide-eyed look. "Oh, thank Merlin," she sighed in relief as Lily slotted herself beside the blonde and Y/N slipped in comfortably beside Lily. "I can't believe you two left me alone with these nitwits," she said, her voice slightly teasing as she nodded towards the two out of the four Marauders that were settled on the opposite side of the table.

Y/N let out a soft laugh as James' hand smacked over his heart and he feigned offense, his eyes flickering to Lily like he was making sure she was watching him as he did. "Marlene, I wholeheartedly assure you," he paused, moving his hands to clap Peter sideways on the shoulders, "that whatever Wormtail did to upset you, he didn't mean it," he finished—teasingly, of course—and Peter made a show of rolling his eyes, pushing the boy's hands off of his shoulders as he did. Lily cracked a small smile as the scene unfolded, but she tilted her head down in a weak attempt at hiding it.

"Sorry, Marlene," Y/N apologized with a half-grin on her face as she knocked James gently in the shin with her toe under the table. He exaggerated a wince and threw a dramatic glare in her direction, but her smirk only widened. "I slept in a bit, otherwise we would've been here to keep this madman in check," she said, nodding towards James, who laughed mockingly before kicking her back. Her head snapped towards him again and she was about to say something unladylike, before someone interrupted.

Sirius had waltzed up to the Gryffindor table, in all of his Adonis-like glory, while everyone had been distracted by James's antics, accompanied by a bedheaded Remus, and it wasn't until he nestled in beside Y/N that anyone even noticed him. "Morning, everyone," he greeted as Lupin took a seat next to Peter and Y/N jumped at how close he sounded. Y/N's gaze snapped to Sirius's elbow, which then brushed up against her own, and she trailed her eyes up his shoulder to meet his own. "Morning, darling," he added and the way that he singled her out made her chest ache. "You're a bit of a spitfire this morning, aren't you?" he joked, knocking his knee against her own and she swore her heart skipped a beat.

"I was just—" she started, but she cut herself off when she felt her cheeks burning with pigment. She found it unusually hard to breathe as she tried to string her words together, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. She used to get crushing anxiety when she was younger, and she chalked her faulty breaths up to its return. "Good morning, Sirius," she found herself mumbling when she couldn't form one coherent thought that wasn't about how dashing he looked that morning. She'd been right about his hair, she realized. It was bloody gorgeous, shiny and black as it framed his sharp facial features beautifully, the ends brushing the tops of his shoulders. She felt Lily's hand creep towards her over the tabletop, pinching her forearm roughly, as if to snap her out of her trance, and she cleared her throat. She patted Lily's hand once in unspoken gratitude and she flashed the raven-haired boy a closed-mouthed smile, her chin dipping down in borderline embarrassment.

After watching Y/N struggle with making a fool out of herself, her friends returned to conversation amongst themselves and if Sirius, too, had noticed her blatantly gawking at him, she felt lucky that he didn't say anything. Instead, he grabbed a pumpkin muffin from one of the golden platters in the center of the table and dropped it onto his plate. Her eyes followed his hand to his lips as he kissed a few crumbs off of his thumb and she felt her stomach flip. Her cheeks tingled in a sudden fluster and she blinked up at him.

Sirius must have noticed the way her eyes lingered on him, because a small smirk graced his pink lips, sending shivers through her body. She was quick to divert her attention to the food, placing a couple of sausages and a cluster of strawberries onto her plate. "Did you sleep alright?" he questioned lowly, peeking over at her. "You seem different this morning," he added, loud enough for her to hear but quiet enough so that their friends couldn't.

His observation was enough to startle her in itself and she shook her head quickly. Merlin, if she wasn't careful, he would find her out before he even finished eating. "I'm not different," she assured him, sucking in a slow breath as if to quell her nervousness. She was usually so comfortable with him around, but their encounter that past Friday had screwed it all up. Damn him and his unwitting charm. "I slept fine, did you?" she countered, almost hoping he didn't so she could pin her odd behavior on his lack of sleep.

He nodded, "Beautifully, actually."

Of course, he had.

She mimicked his nod, before forking a bite of cut-up strawberries into her mouth.

There were a couple beats of mildly uncomfortable silence, before Sirius looked over at her once more. "Aren't you going to ask me what I dreamt about?" he questioned and she lifted her eyebrows at him when she turned to meet his gaze. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes that made her feel like he was baiting her into something.

Y/N sighed and peeled the paper off of her muffin. "In that case," she said, glancing back over at him, "what did you dream of, my darling Pads?" she questioned as blandly as she could, drawing out her joking little nickname for him.

A smile spread across Sirius' face like someone had dragged a butterknife over it and he let out a laugh. "'My darling Pads', I like that. It's really rather cute coming from you," he teased, eliciting an eyeroll and a bit of a blush on her end. "But, since you so desperately wish to know, I dreamt of you and our study date later. We're still on for that, yes?" he asked her, having gone through much too elaborate lengths to do so, and she let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head despite the smile that played on her lips.

"You're insufferable," she told him through another small laugh and he flashed her a teasing wink. She ignored the way that it made her heart flutter and she nodded, "But, yes, if you're still up for it."

"Of course, I am. You won't flunk on my watch," he promised.

Y/N gave him a huff of amusement. "I'm eternally grateful," she deadpanned, satisfied with herself when his lips quirked up at her comment, and then, their banter died down for a while.

They sat in silence, arms brushing occasionally, as they listened in on their friends' conversations, and Y/N kept sneaking small glances at Sirius when she felt he wouldn't be looking. Fortunately, he never was, but she felt less so whenever her eyes would follow his to a pretty brunette at the Ravenclaw table every so often. Every time they did, a part of her longed for him to look at her that way and her heart sank.

Only when Y/N saw him wink at her did her chest feel like it was caving in entirely. It was a bit startling, actually, how it felt like something actually shifted inside of her, and she couldn't help but bring one of her hands to her chest. "Well, as fun as it's been with you all, I think I've got more pressing matters calling my name," Sirius spoke up after a bit longer, flashing a beaming smile at Y/N and the rest of his friends. "See you for our study date later, Y/N/N," he hummed, knocking her in the arm with the back of his hand, and before she knew it, he was up and walking away from them.

Y/N felt winded as she watched him walk away, like the breath had been vacuumed from her lungs, and she panted slightly as she glanced over at Lily. The redhead, having already been looking at her, offered her a sympathetic smile and she squeezed her hand softly. "Is it really nothing?" she mouthed, bringing back the topic of their exchange from earlier, and Y/N shook her head.

It was never nothing.

Lily's hand squeezed hers a little bit tighter, and contrary to Y/N's earlier belief, her study session with Sirius that evening only made her chest feel tighter.

Another seedling of one-sided love sprouted in her lungs that night.

—

As the cool autumn months ebbed into those of cold winter, the pressure in Y/N's chest only worsened. Even in late December, she still blamed it on anxiety—factoring in the few months before exams, her ever-so-hopeless crush on Sirius, and the impending war looming over everyone's heads—terribly clueless of the way her feelings were quite literally taking her over. It was nearly Christmas, now, and though the hallways were three-fourths empty, lacking the students who'd returned home for the holiday, she still found herself sitting in the common room with her friends.

Y/N was sitting sideways on the couch, her feet resting over Lily's lap, and Remus was settled into an arm chair in the corner of the room, while James and Peter wrestled each other in front of the fire place. "Good lord, I've never seen something so pathetic," Lily muttered as the boys gripped each other's arms, attempting to bring the other to the ground, but their strength seemed so evenly matched that they just seemed to stand in place.

Y/N couldn't help but giggle at Lily's words, her eyes trained on the two boys in front of her. "They're trying so hard," she said, another laugh bubbling up from her stomach, and she leaned into the couch cushion as she snickered.

"If Sirius were here, they'd never hear the end of this, I guarantee it," Remus piped up from across the room, and at the mention of their dark-haired friend, her laughter stilled. If only Sirius were there. She felt Lily place her hands over her shins, rubbing them softly in a knowing manner, as she grimaced. Sirius had been with them through the morning and a fraction of the afternoon, but as the sun started to set and the sky darkened, he'd found something better to do.

Or someone, rather.

She'd seen him jogging to meet her in the corridor, his girl of the week, with her blonde hair and golden brown eyes. He'd taken all the air in her lungs, plus some, with him. It had been all she could do for her lungs to focus on anything else but him since then, she'd felt, but she knew it had only been a matter of time before someone said his name and the feeling would creep right back up on her. It was haunting, almost.

"He definitely would've intervened by how," Y/N hummed, forcing the thought of Sirius with that Hufflepuff girl out of her head, and she let her eyes drift back to the wrestling boys. "Maybe we should take a page out of his books and raise the stakes, yeah?" she suggested, looking back at Lily, and a lightbulb went off over her head.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, as if she knew it was going to be something she wouldn't care for, "Raise the stakes?"

Y/N nodded. "If James can pin Peter down in the next minute, I say, you go on a date with him," she hummed, loud enough for the boys to hear, and they stopped moving instantaneously.

Peter glanced over at them with widened eyes, looking between them and their messy-haired companion. James, on the other hand, stood straight up and puffed his chest out a little, brushing his hands over his white button down to smooth out the wrinkles. "Are you being serious?" he asked, his gaze flickering between the girls.

"Um." Lily's lips parted as she glanced at Y/N, but she found herself nodding slowly, anyways, as the girl urged her to agree. "Well, I suppose we are, but only because I have extraordinarily little faith in you, Potter," she told him, her tone almost playful as a slight grin made the corners of her mouth quirk upwards.

The grin that spread across his lips was nearly blinding. "Brilliant," he beamed, glancing over at Peter and nudging him in the arm with his elbow. "You hear that, Wormtail? I'll be taking Lily to Madam Puddifoot's in no time," he hummed, earning an eyeroll from the small boy beside him.

Peter sighed, "Well, what if I win?"

Y/N blinked at him, as she really wasn't sure what he was all that interested in. He was rather quiet most of the time, so she didn't know him quite as good as the other boys. "I don't know, Pettigrew," she admitted with a shrug. "A chocolate frog or something?" she tried sheepishly.

The boy's eyes widened in disbelief. "What? That's not even close. What if I—" Before the poor, unwitting lad could even finish his sentence, James hooked an arm around his neck and used his body weight to all-but-slam him against the floor. Peter let out a surprised yelp, but he hardly made a move to fight back as James planted a knee on his chest to keep him pinned down. He looked between Peter and the girls, a triumphant smile playing on his lips. Poor kid never stood a chance. "You're a right tosser," Peter groaned, winded, and they all erupted into laughter. Lily placed her hand on her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut as she giggled, Remus was doubled over on his armchair, and Y/N was hanging off of the side of the couch, her stomach bubbling with belly laughs.

She could feel her cheeks turning pink as she did, but her laughter was quite short-lived compared to everyone else's. She spared a couple more chuckles before she felt a sharp pain in her chest and she sucked in a breath, bringing her hands up to put pressure on her sternum. She let one of her hands stay as the stinging travelled up her throat, but she used the other one to cover her mouth as a wet cough crawled out of her throat. It was almost painful as it did, like she'd been incubating a cold for a while, but it made sense when she recalled the vigorous snowball fight that they'd all participated in only days prior. She'd returned to her dorm with her clothes soaked through, so it had really only been a matter of time before one of them came down with something.

The laughter around her ceased not long after her own, and Y/N could feel the worried gazes of her friends lingering on her. "That was hearty," James pointed out, having stood up now, and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you alright?" he questioned, taking a step towards her in a way that was almost protective of her, and she nodded.

"I'm fine," Y/N promised with a bit of uncertainty, propping herself up into a sitting position. She grabbed a tissue from the box on the table beside the couch and she spread it over her hand. "I think I'm just coming down with—" Another onset of coughs overtook her before she could finish and she placed her hand over her mouth, hacking into it. Her lungs stung as she coughed something up, feeling it shoot into the tissue, and she pulled her hand away to inspect it briefly. She felt a little uneasy when her eyes saw what it was. It was hard to tell when it was covered in mucus, but it didn't seem quite rounded. The edges of whatever it was were a bit fringed, and it was a yellowy color, with hints of red at one end. She swallowed thickly and folded the tissue up before anyone could ask questions. "It's probably just a cold," she assured them, getting up to toss it away.

Everyone let the topic go, seemingly satisfied with her explanation, and they all joked about her spreading germs as she continued to cough through the night. It wasn't until she found herself in the girls' bathroom before bed did she really feel nervous.

Y/N felt unusually tired as she trudged her way into the lavatory. She sighed, almost in relief, when she realized it was empty, which was no surprise considering the time, and she braced herself against the sink. She hadn't realized how achy her limbs had started to feel, how raw her throat felt from the coughing, or just how tight her chest felt when she was with her friends, but now that she was alone, it was all pressing down on her at once. She took a look at herself in the mirror, probably the first time she'd paid such close attention to herself in a while, and she was surprised to see the way that her under eyes were dark and hollow. "Godric," she muttered to herself, reaching up to touch her skin. She even looked like she had come down with something.

Deciding she would see what magic a long, hot shower could work, she started to strip herself of her clothes. She'd barely gotten her shirt off when another fit of coughs came out of nowhere. Her chest clenched in an instant, her lungs on fire as she coughed. These hurt more than the last and they were a lot less sporadic. When she'd coughed to the point where she felt like her sternum was cracking, something happened. Hunched over the sink, she coughed up another glob, larger this time, and she spit them into the washbasin. Her heartrate picked up nervously when she realized this one was coated in blood.

She could see the same sort of rigid shapes in it, so she separated it with her index finger, and she realized that they weren't just shapes—they were petals. She recognized them as those from a striped carnation, something her grandmother used to grow in her garden before her passing.

Y/N's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she looked up at herself in the mirror once more, her eyes widening as she looked at her bare chest. She was a lot paler than she remembered being, and there were faint black lines spreading underneath her chest like roots. She lifted a finger to trace them and she swore she could see one of the lines stretching as she did.

This wasn't like any cold she'd ever seen before.

—

The cold days of December bled into January's soon enough, meaning the winds had grown harsher and the corridors had grown fuller with every student returning back to the castle to finish out the year. Unfortunately for Y/N and Sirius, that also had meant that Hogsmeade had grown busier again. She always forgot how quiet it seemed when it wasn't bustling with students, but as the two of them headed into town, she was quickly reminded now that it wasn't.

Y/N adjusted the pale purple mittens on her hands and looked over at her black-haired friend as they maneuvered themselves around a group of Slytherins and met again when they'd moved past them. "Bloody busy today," she grumbled, when she was close enough to Sirius again that their elbows brushed. Even through the her puffy jacket and his wool coat, she could feel it, and her cheeks grew warm. She cursed herself silently when they did.

Even in the new year, she hadn't escaped her feelings for him.

"Well, at least I'm not dead," Sirius hummed, jostling her arm with his own while a small smile played on his lips. Y/N couldn't help but manage one of her own, even if she did jerk her arm away from his a bit. She recalled what Sirius had said when they'd been back in the common room, sitting lazily beside each other on the couch while the rest of the Maurauders were nose-deep in their textbooks. He had moaned something about a butter beer and how he'd been craving one so, terribly, awfully badly and he'd probably just die if they made him go alone. Lily and James had eagerly volunteered Y/N—who had felt too restless to study, anyways—just to get him to shut up, but now that they were alone together, she wasn't quite sure that she hated it. "That's what matters, right, darling?" There was a note of playfulness dancing in his low voice.

She couldn't help but let her lips tilt into a crooked smile. "Maybe," she started with a slight shrug of her shoulders, her voice a bit hoarse from this month-long cold, and she pushed her shoulder into the boy's side gently, "although, it is much less quiet with you around," she finished and his nose crinkled, while his large hand was brought to his chest, long fingers splaying out over the cable-knits of his sweater. Her cheeks remained warm as a quiet chuckle spilled from her lips.

"You wound me, love," he joked, stopping in his tracks. "You know you fancy my words of many wisdoms," he continued, his hand falling from his chest, and he tucked it into his coat pocket instead, tugging it tighter against his back.

Y/N had stopped with Sirius and she quirked an eyebrow up at him. She crossed an arm over her chest and tapped a purple-mittened hand against her chin. "Do I?" She pretended to think, narrowing her eyes slightly. They continued to stare at each other for a moment in a slow-settling silence, until she dropped her act and smiled at him. She could feel the stretching of the pressure in her chest, the one she'd grown all-too-familiar with in the last few weeks, and it seemed to spread in wisps around her lungs. "I think you're right," she admitted.

Sirius let out a hum of content at her response and gave her a proud smirk, studying her face for a moment. "Man, you really are easy on the eyes, Y/L/N, you know that?" He questioned, reaching up to brush a tuft of her hair out of her face, and his cold fingers brushed against her cheek, leaving trails of fire in their wake. She could physically feel something lurch inside of her chest, and maybe this is what they meant when they said unrequited love was painful. Her heart was hammering so loudly in her chest, she almost forgot to listen when he said, "but that voice of yours had grown quite manly," he finished, and her eyes blew wide.

All the mushy-gushy was immediately forgotten and she stepped forward to smack his arm lightly. "Are you serious?" She exclaimed, suddenly very conscious of how gravelly it sounded, and she grimaced.

This bloody cold.

He threw his head back in a laugh, black hair shaking about, and if she wasn't offended, she would've marveled at him. "Yeah, Sirius Black, and you?" he teased, pulling his hand out of his pocket to extend it towards her, and she shot him a look. He huffed in amusement, a soft grin playing on his face, and he used that same hand to clasp her shoulder. He gave it a squeeze and leaned closer towards her face, as annoyed as her expression was. "I'm kidding, darling, your voice is lovely," he promised in a manner meant for only her to hear.

Y/N felt warmth spread through her cheeks and up to the tip of her frozen nose, and a little blossom opened in her chest, and she couldn't help but notice how his eyes sparkled in such close proximity. She swallowed thickly, but maintained her façade all the same. "It'd better be, Black," she said.

He merely smiled. "Well," he said, his eyes searching her own. "I was really hoping for a 'my darling Pads' again," he finished, recalling an encounter from weeks prior, and only then did he pull his face away from her own. She let out a small laugh at that, surprised he'd even remembered that, and then, he looped his arm through her own, leading her forwards once again. "But really," he hummed, lightly pinching at his throat with his free hand, "couple shots of firewhisky'll clear that right up," he told her.

She couldn't help but shake her head at him, unable to hide the grin that crept onto her face. "This your way of saying you want to get me drunk, then?" She teased back, her eyes quickly flickering to the sign hanging above The Three Broomsticks and back to him.

"Well, we've got to make sure James knows he missed out somehow," Sirius chimed with a quick wink, sliding his hand down her arm to take her mittened paw in his fingers, and he pulled her through the door. Right from the start, the place was whirring with tipsy wizards and witches alike, huddled together in their respective groups and chuckling with rose-dusted cheeks, but there were plenty of tables open. The lighting was a bit dim, but given the darkening sky, that was understandable, and Sirius began to lead her further into the building. He nodded to an unoccupied table in the back of the room. "Why don't you sit down and I'll get us some drinks?" he suggested, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go.

Y/N nodded, forcing herself to ignore the fact that his touch lingered on her hand even through her mitten, and she offered him a parting smile before she made her way towards the table. Her shoes stuck to the floor with every step, courtesy of the residual alcohol, but she didn't notice it much when she sat herself down at one end of the table. She crossed her arms over the tabletop and looked over at Sirius, big hands in his coat pockets as he waited for the bartender to acknowledge him. She rested her chin in the palm of one of her hands.

Sirius, from the time Lily had introduced them, had always been one way—loud, filthy-tongued, and up to no good—when James and Peter were in earshot, but when it was just the two of them, well, he was still up to no good, but he was softer and more gentle. She had come to feel like in those rare moments when they got to spend time alone together, he was at peace. She always wondered if he was just so used to the girls at Hogwarts falling at his feet, that maybe he enjoyed spending time with a girl who—infatuated with him as she was—treated him like a regular person.

Even looking at him know, the boy seemed completely content.

He was stepping up to the counter, a grin stretching across his face and his hands moving from his pockets so he could speak with gestures. She studied the way that his lips moved, wondering if she would ever get lucky enough for them to kiss her, and the way his eyes shone in the flickering lantern lighting. Her attention drifted to his cheekbones, lovely as ever, and the crinkles of a smile just above them in the corners of his eyes. Those were her favorite. When Sirius smiled, he smiled with his whole face and it was, without a doubt, heart-melting.

His hair, too.

Merlin, she'd always loved his hair, even before her heart longed for him. It had always been kept rather long, framing his face perfectly at any given moment. What she really loved about it, though, was when he was studying, or writing a paper, it was just long enough to fall over his cheeks and annoy him. She loved watching him thread his hands through it. Oh, and his hands—

There was a prick of pain in Y/N's wrist that stirred her from her thoughts and she let out a hiss, her body jerking into a more upright position. She was quick to rip her woolen glove off of her hand, dropping it into her lap. In the center of her wrist, a bud has sprouted through the surface her skin. It waited a moment before the petals spread open, blooming in front of her eyes, and revealing a small, yellow carnation with a reddish center. Her eyes widened slightly and she brushed her thumb over the flower, tilting it a bit to confirm that it was, in fact, growing through her skin.

She pinched the stem of the flower between her fingers and pulled, wincing at the sharp pain that shot through her wrist. She removed the small flower, roots and all, leaving a small spot of blood in its place, like tearing off a hangnail. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she placed the flower in her hand and prodded at it. The petals were just like the ones she'd been coughing up, but she didn't understand how they'd gotten into her body in the first place. She struggled to inhale a sufficient breath as the pressure in her chest made itself just a little more noticeable, and she could feel her heartbeat pick up in the slightest.

She wasn't all too sure that this was just a cold anymore, but before she could dwell too much on the subject, Sirius set down a tea saucer filled with shots and two butter beers. "What's that you've got?" he asked as he situated himself across from her, nodding towards the flower in her hand, before his eyes flitted back to her own.

Her eyebrows lifted at his question and she shook her head, tucking the flower into the pocket of her coat and hoping he wouldn't pick up on the fact that she was nearly breathless. "Nothing important," she said, shrugging her coat off all together and setting it beside herself on the bench. That feeling in her chest was crushing again. She could feel it all the way in her shoulders and stomach now. "Who've you got all those for?" she deflected, gesturing to the half a dozen shots between them.

"Oh, right," Sirius beamed, a mischievous smile creeping onto his face, and he tilted his head at her, strands of his hair deciding to follow. "Two for me, four for you," he said, already starting to split them up between the two of them.

Y/N scoffed lightly, recalling when he and James had snuck a few handles in last Christmas and she was already giggling after two. "How come I get four?" she questioned. "Seems like you've got it backwards, Pads," she defended, sliding two of her shots back in his direction.

The black-haired boy covered her wrists in his hands and stopped hers halfway across the table. His eyes met hers in a challenging gaze. "Darling, one of us has to get absolutely smashed tonight, and the other one of us has to live to tell the story," he started, before a laugh started sputtering through his lips, "and I'm sorry, love, but I'm a bloody good storyteller." He couldn't even help it at that point but break into full laughter, pushing her hands back towards her chest slow enough as to not spill the shots. She shook her head lightly at him, but she stopped her protest all the same.

"If you insist then," she hummed, and Sirius pulled his hands back into his personal space. "I'm a terrible lightweight, though, so if anything bad happens, you're to blame."

"Oh, I remember," he said without missing a beat. "You'll be alright, though. If we get you drunk enough to fall on your arse, maybe it'll knock the cold right out of you."

Y/N picked up one of the shot glasses and tossed it back, downing it all in one go before she had the opportunity to smell it and chicken out. She wrinkled her nose as the amber liquid made its way down her esophagus, burning all the way down. "That's right foul," she muttered, flipping the glass upside down and placing it back on the saucer. "Gives me a bit of flashbacks," she said.

Sirius laughed. "Just reminding you of the end goal," he teased, before grabbing a shot himself. He tilted his head back and swallowed the liquid in an instant, setting his empty glass next to her own.

—

As the night went on, their drinks disappeared one by one, and then some, until Y/N was hiccuping in her seat. She'd begged Sirius for another round of shots about an hour before, and he'd only brought back four that time, claiming his had worn off in the few hours they'd been there already. It was certainly past curfew then, but sneaking into the castle wasn't unfamiliar to him. Y/N was at the point then, that as she downed another shot, she couldn't even feel the sting anymore. She flipped the small glass over in her fingers and placed it with the others. "I," she started to hum, lifting one of her fingers up at him and wiggling it about, "think you," she continued, letting a small giggle out, "should get me more," she finished in a slur, falling into another laugh, and she lazily propped her chin up with her hand.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at her, all-but-fighting the amused grin trying to spread across his face. He was far more sober than he would've liked to be at that moment, but if he were to get her home safely, they couldn't both be out of their right minds. "I," he mimicked the pattern of her speech, "think you," he waved his finger at her, too, "are getting cut off now," he said, pressing his lips into a thin line.

Hearing those words come out of his mouth felt like someone insulted her mother in that very moment. "What?" she asked, sitting up a little straighter and throwing her hands up in protest. "Why?" She dropped her hands, palms flattering against the table tops in only half-serious outrage.

"Think we've got to start heading back, darling," he hummed. "Gonna be a lot harder to bring you back if you drink yourself into a coma on me."

She let out an exaggerated sigh, staring at him through a haze of drunkenness. "Leaving already?" She pouted. "I was having fun," she protested weakly, puffing her bottom lip out and hoping that maybe he might cave enough for one more round, but she had no such luck.

Sirius only laughed, before gathering their mess in one place on the table to make it easier on whoever cleaned up after them. "Y/N Y/L/N having fun?" he repeated lightly, furrowing his eyebrows together as he slid out from the wooden bench he'd been sitting on and sliding his thick coat back on over his broad shoulders. He shook his head at her as he did, pretending to mull over the concept. "I don't buy it," he admitted teasingly, before walking around to her side of the table.

Y/N looked over at him as he bent down across her lap to grab her coat, his face centimeters from her own for a moment, and her breath hitched in her throat. It returned once he had pulled away, scooping up her coat, and leaving her heart fluttering in its place. "Well, you should," she slurred, hoping it didn't sound as rattled as she'd thought, but she was too tipsy to think much of it, so she stood up instead.

"Really, now?" Sirius drawled, his lips curling up in a crooked smile that he made minimal effort to hide, and he ran his fingers over the lining of her coat, opening it up. He held it up in a way that signaled for her to turn her back to him. "And why should I do that?" he questioned softly as she held her left arm up just high enough for him to slip her puffy jacket over shoulder.

The girl shrugged and he fitted her coat over her right shoulder as well, before she turned back around to look at him. "'Dunno," she stated, following next to him as he started towards the door. "I always have fun when I get the chance to sit and admire you, my darling Pads," she said, hardly giving the words much thought before they rolled off of her tongue. Clearly, as she would've died in mortification if she'd been in her right mind. Sirius let out a garbled noise that started almost as a gasp, but turned into something like a cough to clear his throat. She looked over at him and smiled to herself when she noticed the color that had come to his cheeks. Was he blushing?, she thought to herself, before shaking her head at the thought.

"Think I was right perfect on my timing," he chimed, pushing open the door to the tavern and rolling his shoulders back at the cold air that filtered in. "I've been trying to pry that little nickname out of you all night." His tone was joking and if her head wasn't spinning, she might've sworn he'd winked at her.

Y/N dumped it from her memory as she stepped out of the building and back into the winter, shivering at the sudden change in temperature, and she waited for him to do the same. "I'm a bit sleepy, Sirius," she admitted when the door had closed behind them, and they had started on the path back to the castle.

"Sleepy?" he repeated, like he was surprised. "I thought you were having fun doing—,"he paused. "Oh, what was it? Looking at me?" he asked, a bit of mischief in his voice, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't get cocky now that I've played into that ego of yours, Black," she warned, and he laughed, his lips pulling back in that way that they did, and her entire façade nearly crumbled at the foundation. He held his hands up defensively and shook his head. "But since I'm drunk," she said, uncrossing one of her arms to point a finger at him. "I might inflate it a bit more, because that's just how I'm feeling. You just watch yourself tomorrow, because I will deny it 'til the very end," she continued.

Sirius only laughed softly at her alcohol-induced antics and tucked one of his hands into his pocket, threading the fingers of his hair through the other. "You've gone bonkers, haven't you?" he joked, another laugh bubbling through his lips. "Perhaps, I'm responsible, though," he added, glancing over at her, but her eyes were already on him.

Y/N swallowed thickly and she nodded. "When you run your hand through your hair like that, you're bloody fuckin' responsible, yeah," she said, unable to stop the words once they'd formed on her tongue, and she could visibly see the pigment rushing to his cheeks at her words. She was so focused on the fact that she'd just made the Sirius Black blush, and so filled with the satisfaction of it, that she hardly even noticed the way her foot caught on a jut in the cobblestones and her balance blew away with the breeze. She would've been victim to the street if Sirius hadn't wrapped a hand around her bicep, twirling her so that he could pull her against his body to steady her, and her mind was reeling at the quickness of it all.

She looked up at Sirius with her breaths stuck in her throat and her heart drumming inside of her chest. When her eyes found his, they were searching her own intently, though he looked quite unsure of what he was searching for. "You drive me mad, Y/L/N, you know that?" he muttered, his face inching ever so slowly towards her own, and she could see his throat move as he swallowed thickly. Her heart only picked up the pace, her blood pumping furiously through her veins that she could feel her pulse in her neck without even touching it. "And, Merlin, you are difficult to read, because you act one way, but then you say things like that and I—" he paused for a moment, because she was starting to feel increasingly more ill. With every pounding of her heart, there was a shooting pain in her chest and a twist in her stomach, and the longer she stood there, the worse she felt. "Are you alright?" he all-but-whispered, taking a step back from her to place his hands on her biceps, and she shook her head.

Y/N managed a small smile before she pushed herself lightly out of his grasp, bringing one of her hands to her stomach. "I think I'm gonna be sick," she said, before an overwhelming wave of nausea barreled over her. To keep herself from toppling over, she lowered herself down onto her knees, bracing herself with one of her arms in the snow, and her chest was on fire. "I think something's wrong," she nearly whimpered, finding it hard to catch her breath in the moment, and she broke out into a fit of coughs. She barely registered it when Sirius knelt down beside her, placing one of his hands on her back. "I'm sorry." Her voice was small and hoarse, hindered as her throat tightened through the beginning of tears.

Sirius could feel her body lurching beneath his palm and he could hear the congestion in her lungs. He grimaced, feeling almost guilty that he'd let her push herself so far. He knew that she'd been feeling under the weather for quite some time, but he figured that she must've been clearing up by then. It hadn't occurred to him that her condition might be worsening until she was doubled over in front of him. "It's alright, Y/N/N," he assured her, rubbing his hand up and down her back. "We can wait as long as— oh, bloody hell," he hissed when she puked into the snow.

He was quick to gather her hair behind her head before it got caught in the crossfire, but only after did he realize when she vomited, it was filled with flowers and streaks of blood.

—

Everything from the night before was hazy on Y/N's memory. Everything except for the flowers that had spilled out in her puke, covering the snow in carnations and bile, and Sirius had witnessed the entire thing. She ran her hands over her face in borderline embarrassment as she stared up at the roof of her red canopy bed, and she sat herself upright. Her head ached from the aftermath of the firewhisky and her shoulder stung from—she assumed—holding herself up off of the ground.

Once she'd mustered up enough of her strength to start moving, she folded her comforter off of her legs and swung them over the side of her bed. She was wearing the same outfit she had been the night before, minus her coat, which had been thrown on top of the trunk at the foot of her bed, and she reckoned she could use a wash before breakfast. Y/N pushed herself up off of the side of the bed, grabbing a change of clothes from her nightstand, and she made her way towards the girls' lavatory. She was careful not to wake Lily or Marlene as she did, and when she got into the bathroom, she was almost thankful to find that it was empty.

She set her clothes up over the edge of one of the sinks and her mind lingered slightly on the burning in one of her shoulders as she moved. She wondered if she'd knocked it against anything on the way back to the castle the night before. She gripped the bottom of her sweater and pulled the hem up over her head, wincing as it seemed to snag on her shoulder. She dropped her sweater in a pile of knit on the floor, and when she looked up at herself in the mirror, she was surprised at what she'd seen.

Y/N had been sick with what she'd assumed was a cold for a while now, and there had been mild changes in her appearance, like faint dark circles and flushed skin, but staring at herself in the mirror in that moment, was like looking at someone she hardly recognized. The bags underneath her eyes had progressed significantly since the last time that she'd looked, sinking into her skin to the point where she looked hallowed, and her face looked so thin. Her cheekbones were sharper than she'd ever seen them, as was her jawline, and she reached up to touch her cheek. Her skin was pale and cool to the touch.

Her eyes traveled down to her neck, where faint dark lines seemed to stretch out just above her collarbone. Her breath hitched in her throat as she trailed the lines back towards the center of her chest, watching their color darken and their mass thicken the closer she got. She brought her hands to brush her fingertips over her sternum, pressing against it only to find the lines were like cables beneath her skin, and her fingers shied away from touching them a second time. She reached up to rub her eyes, almost praying that she might still be dreaming, and she reached behind her back to rub the shoulder that ached.

Y/N's heart sank in her chest when her fingers brushed against something that felt unfamiliar and she angled her back towards the mirror. The breath was stolen from her lungs when she was met with a patch of carnations. Her stomach lurched and she suddenly felt the urge to vomit again, bracing herself against the sink in case she did. She tried to catch her breath, but instead, she began to gasp for air, feeling a lump of tears forming in her throat and finding it quite hard to breathe over that.

The door to the lavatory creaked open and she reached down for her sweater, hoping she might be able to cover up in time, but her head was spinning, and the room was swirling, and she couldn't hardly think over the sound of her heart in her ears, and— "Shit," a familiar voice—Lily's—filled her ears and Y/N didn't bother with her sweater anymore. "Shit, Y/N, your back," she continued, her footsteps rapid as she practically ran towards the girl, and Y/N could feel a tickle of pain as Lily brushed her fingers over the carnations.

"Scale of one to ten," Y/N said.

"Fuckin' eleven," she muttered. "What's happening?" she asked, and the emotion in those two words—just Lily's genuine concern for her—was enough for the lump in Y/N's throat to spill over.

She shook her head as her eyes started to swell up with tears and she looked at Lily over her shoulder. "I don't know," she admitted and she turned around to look at her.

Lily pulled Y/N into a hug before she could explain anything more. "We'll figure it out."

—

After Y/N's worries had settled to a point where she felt like she was functional again, she and Lily had decided they needed breakfast. She almost regretted their choice as they approached the table and five solemn faces were what greeted her. Sirius had most likely told them what happened the night before, and she was sure he'd included the part about the flowers. She managed a small smile at all of her friends, which some of them returned sympathetically, and she moved to take a seat next to Sirius. Marlene and Peter scooted down to make room for her, while Lily planted herself between James and Remus on the other side of the table.

Warmth settled into the small of her back when Sirius placed his hand against it gently, like he was touching a porcelain doll, and her chest quivered slightly. She turned to look at him and the first thing she noticed was the circles beneath his eyes and the waves of concern rolling in them. "How are you feeling, Y/N?" Sirius questioned just loud enough for her to hear, and she shrugged her shoulders. "Looks like you're one second away from collapsing," he pointed out, meaning for it to be teasing, but he sounded more worried than anything.

She let out a huff of amusement and crossed her arms on the table too. "Feels like it, too, if you want the truth," she admitted, smiling half-heartedly at him, and he moved his hand from her back so he could pull her closer to him by her waist. He then grabbed a piece of toast from one of the platters in the center of the table. "Also, I'm really sorry about—," she started to apologize for the night before, but he was quick to interrupt her with a shake of his head.

"Don't apologize," he stopped her, moving his hand to her knee. He brushed his thumb over the cap of it and squeezed it softly. "I shouldn't have pushed you. You've been ill and my thinking was impaired. I'm the one who's sorry," Sirius continued, his eyes searching her own for some kind of acknowledgment, she assumed.

Y/N readjusted so she could set one of her hands over his and his skin was so comfortably arm. "You shouldn't be, Pads. I just didn't recognize my own limits," she reassured him. She almost wanted to slip her fingers through the spaces between his own, but before she could, his hand upturned beneath hers, and he slotted his fingers through hers first. She felt her heart skip a beat in her chest and a small smile tugged at her lips. "But," she hummed, clearing her throat out of nervousness, "your thinking was impaired, you say?" she questioned.

Sirius' full lips stretched into a grin. "As is expected when I'm accompanied by a woman of your caliber. Can't blame me for finding any excuse to spend more time with you, can you?" he chimed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze and igniting a wildfire across her cheeks. She turned her head slightly away from him in embarrassment and he let out a soft chuckle, his other hand coming up to ruffle her hair. "That was well-deserved, I think," he said.

"What?" She turned back to look at him with her cheeks still ablaze.

He laughed again. "For your comment about my hair last night," he explained. "Can't make me blush and expect me not to tease you about it."

"I thought I told you not to get cocky, Black," she rebutted, swatting away the hand that she held, and he chuckled.

"Oh, so it's like that, then?" he teased, forgetting her knee, and he wrapped his arm around her waist again instead, pulling her in for a good-natured side hug. "I was only joking. Well, about the payback, at least," he admitted, turning his head so that his lips brushed against the shell of her ear. "I promise, though, darling. I rarely think properly around you anymore," he whispered the words to only her and a tingle crawled down her spine.

Just when Y/N had been sure she couldn't get any more red, her cheeks grew burning hot, and her chest felt like it was exploding. "That's cruel, Sirius," she muttered half-heartedly, almost breathless from the way her chest was caving in on her lungs, and she reached across the table to grab a waffle. She felt much too lazy to actually cut it up and drizzle syrup on it, so she bit into it like a piece of toast.

"You can think what you want, but I know what I feel, love," he hummed, and he left his hand where it was while she nibbled on her waffle. She honestly couldn't tell if he was pulling her leg or not. "If you're still not feeling well, though, you're welcome to lean on me. I'll make sure you stay upright," he offered with a small smile and a quick wink, before he turned his head back to the others, tuning into the second half of whatever story James had wanted to share that morning.

Y/N, after Sirius had focused his attention elsewhere, did fancy the idea of a place to rest her head, especially on the shoulders of such a specimen, so she took a bite of he waffle to calm her nerves, and she laid her head against him. She could feel his fingers tighten on her side as she did, and his head fell to rest against her own. She could feel her walls come down, and it was as if it was on cue, that a wave of fatigue hit her. She locked eyes with Lily, who was looking at her from across the table, and the girl wiggled her eyebrows at her slightly. Y/N only flashed her a half-hearted smile and reached to set her waffle on her plate, her appetite suddenly having disappeared.

The tightening in her chest from minutes before still hadn't let up, and she found it becoming increasingly harder to manage a proper breath. Her chest felt thick and heavy, like it was filled with tar, and her lungs ached with every breath she sucked in. "Sirius," she whispered a little too softly, and she grabbed his leg with one of her hands. "Sirius," she repeated again just a bit louder, giving his leg a quick pat, and he lifted his head up off of hers and leaned forward to meet her gaze.

Sirius' gaze had gone from questioning to concerned almost as soon as he had the chance to gauge her change in condition. His eyebrows furrowed and he began to trail his hand up and down her side gently. "Not feeling well?" he asked quietly and she shook her head.

"Can you take me to the infirmary?" she questioned, wincing at the way her lungs stung as she spoke, and when her eyes flickered to Lily, she realized everything was becoming hazy. "Quickly," she added, her heart starting to thump a little faster, and she looked back at Sirius. The dark-haired boy nodded in an instant, his hand moving from her side to the center of her back, keeping her stabilized as he moved to stand up.

This seemed to catch Remus' attention, as he pushed up his glasses and furrowed his eyebrows. "Where are you two lovebirds off to?" he drew out teasingly, a small smirk tilted on his lips, before his eyes settled on Y/N, and his expression fell. "What's wrong?" His tone was rushed with worry, and rest of the group halted their conversation and turned to look at her.

Y/N shook her head and placed her hands on the edge of the table, using it to lever herself into a standing position. "I think I need to see Madam Pomfrey," she told them. "Something feels off."

"You think this has to do with the flowers?" Marlene questioned and she nodded.

"Yeah, I've been seeing them more and more, I think—," she paused, wincing through a small laugh because she knew she was going to sound entirely mad, "I think they might be growing in me," she explained, but it came out like a question, and she tried to ignore the way the edges of her vision had begun to turn fuzzy and the way her head started to spin.

Peter had started to scoff, but Marlene was quick to swat him in the stomach. "I believe it," Lily chimed in. "The way your chest looked Y/N/N—" she shook her head softly, recalling what she'd seen in the bathroom earlier that morning. "Here, I'll come, too, yeah?" she offered and Y/N held one of her hands up.

"No, it's okay, really, it's probably nothing, but—"

"Oh, bloody hell, Y/L/N," James blurted, striking confusion in her. "Your hand."

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. "My hand?" she questioned, before turning her hand around to face herself, and her breath caught in her throat. Her face fell completely when the entirety of her palm was covered in carnations. The purple fuzziness on the edges of her vision started to trickle into her line of site in spots, growing rapidly. Everything became increasingly distorted as her head swirled. "I don't— I'm not—" she couldn't bring herself to fathom a coherent though, all she could do was sort of stare at her hand agape, and before she could even register it, everything had gone black.

Lily brought her hands to her mouth in a gasp, shooting up from her chair when Y/N fell limp. "Pads—"

Sirius had shifted behind Y/N before Lily had even had the chance to speak, supporting the weight of her unconscious body with his own. He moved to slip one of his arms against the bend of her knees and lift her up into his arms. "I've got her," he assured her, before looking at Y/N. Her head was draped over his bicep, her hair hanging downwards behind her head, and her lips were parted. "I've got you, darling."

—

Golden light seeped in through the windows in the hospital wing, pooling in puddles of sunshine on the stone floors as the sun began to set. A pesky ray filtered in directly over Y/N's eyeball and she squinted against it in her sleep. As she was far too unconscious to be aware of her movements, the placement of the light went unchanged. A grumble of frustration was pushed from her lips and her eyelids fluttered open.

She lifted her eyebrows in surprise when she wasn't met with the familiar, homey decor of the room she shared in the Gryffindor Tower. Everything she set her eyes on was white or gray. Beds lined the walls on each side of the long room. Some were occupied, but most of them happened to be empty. She sat up in her bed carefully, quickly remembering the pain that throbbed in her chest and ached in her hands as she did. She was about to call for someone—Madam Pomfrey, probably, considering she thought she was the only other able body in the room—when she noticed the boy by her bedside.

Sirius.

Y/N almost gasped at the sight of him, but she refrained. Instead, she looked at him with a small smile. Sirius had pulled a chair up to the side of her bed—how long ago, she was unsure of—and he sat slumped down with his arms crossed over his chest. His head hung forward and his chest rose and fell with every sleeping breath that he took, and she fought a small laugh when a snore pushed its way out. The way his chest rose and fell so peacefully was mesmerizing, but she had a few questions, and she was almost certain he'd be able to answer them.

She reached over the side of the bed with some difficulty and she patted his knee. "Black," she whispered softly, but another snore was the only response she got. She smiled at that, but she patted his knee a little harder. "My darling Pads," she sing-songed teasingly, "it's time to wake up, pretty boy."

That seemed to have done the trick, as Sirius let out a groan, before throwing his arms out to the side in some sort of stretch. He tilted his head from side to side, cracking his neck, and when he was situated, a heart-melting smile pulled its way across his lips. "'Morning, my beautiful girl," he hummed with a small wink, and Y/N's eyes widened.

Color rushed to her cheeks and lit them on fire, and her mouth fell open. "You cocky bastard," she muttered, shaking her head at him softly, and moving to lean back against one of the fluffy pillows on her bed. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him through playfully squinted eyes, the hint of a smile on her lips.

"Me, cocky? Never," he joked, pulling his chair up closer to the edge of her bed, and he reached across the sheets to pluck one of her hands up off of her chest. The teasing expression on his face grew somewhat solemn as he flipped her hand over in his, exposing the patch of carnations. The petals seemed to wave up at him. "You're a right mess, you know that, Y/N?" he asked, peeking up at her, before he ran his thumb over the flowers. Her hand tickled as he did and she let out a hum, as if she was asking for clarification. "You know. Scared the piss out of me in the Great Hall this morning," he admitted, setting her hand down in her lap, but he left her fingers tucked into his own. "Lily was here earlier after it happened, and James and Remus around lunch, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do anything but sit here all day." He gave them a quick squeeze before he pulled his hand back towards himself.

The thought of Sirius being worried sick about her made whatever was in her chest tighten it's grasp on her, and she placed a hand over her sternum as if to still it. "You've been here all day?" she questioned softly, her eyes flickering over his facial features, and he nodded once.

He slid one of his hands up and down his thigh a few times before he let it rest in the middle. "I mean, I'd like to think we're close, so your well-being, by default, is important to me," he told her. "With the throwing up and the passing out, and the flowers, I've been worried about you." She pressed her fingertips on one of the wiry lumps stretching across her chest, and she could feel it slither under her fingertips when she recognized that his words were touching to her. "Plus, I've decided that I fucking hate flowers," he continued, almost teasing, but with just enough certainty that conveyed his seriousness.

Her stomach was swirling with nervousness and her heart was knocking against her chest. "Thank you, Pads," she said with a small smile, gliding one of hands over the sheets to reach out for one of his, as she felt too awful to extend herself any further. He seemed to understand and he took her hand in both of his with a small smile. "Has Madam Pomfrey said anything about this?" she asked him.

"Professor Sprout was called in earlier after Lily and I explained everything," Sirius said.

"And?"

"She said there's an old Japanese story about a disease called hanahaki. It takes root in the chest and lungs in people experiencing one-sided love," Sirius explained, "it develops over years, or months in extreme cases, and by the final stages the victim's are puking entire flowers."

Y/N's heart lurched and she could feel her expression fall at his words. This had all stemmed from their first study session, the first time the roots took hold in her lungs, and as her love as grown, and remained unrequited, this disease had only worsened. "Is there a cure?" She muttered, her voice quiet, but she had a feeling she could guess the answer, based on the fact that she was in the 'final stages'.

He smiled in a half-hearted attempt and he squeezed her hand. "Sprout said it's rare. She'd never seen it in person before you, but she said the only cure is for that person to express their love to you in return." His gaze shifted towards his lap.

She was going to die, wasn't she?

"What happens otherwise?" she asked.

Sirius had seemed more distraught now, tugging his nervous fingers through his dark hair. "Otherwise— I don't want to think about—," he paused, looking up from his lap and his expression was muddled with confusion and concern. "Is it James?" he practically blurted, his tone slightly harsh. He tightened his hold on her hand. "Is this because of him and Lily?" he questioned and she could see in his eyes the way that his mind was whirring.

"Sirius," Y/N hummed, bringing her other hand to close around his.

"Did you tell him?" he continued, his eyes furrowing together. "If he said something that hurt you and that's put you through all of this—"

"Sirius."

"Merlin, Y/N, I'll—," he paused, shaking his head. "Y/N/N, I'll kick his arse. Maybe not too bad 'cause I'm sure we'll have something planned that week, but—"

"Sirius, stop," she stressed finally. "Quit it, okay? It's not James. Don't even say that like you'd actually hurt him. He's your best friend, you idiot," she told him, although her voice betrayed her words. She was soft when speaking to him, but she was also in acceptance. She was going to die in a matter of weeks, if she even had that long, so what was the point in keeping her feelings a secret anymore? "It's you, you slug," she mumbled.

Sirius stilled for a moment, his eyes squinting on and off as he attempted to process her words. "What did you just say, darling?" he questioned, fingers beginning to tap her wrist as his hand was still sandwiched between both of hers.

Y/N shot him a look. "I said, it's you. I love you," she admitted. "Part of me always liked being around you before, but I never thought anything of it until we studied together. Ever since then, I haven't been able to breathe right or think straight or be around you without my lungs collapsing, I—"

"Me?" he cut her off, pulling his hand away and poking himself in the chest with one of his thumbs.

He stared at her with a dumbfounded expression and she blinked at him. "Were you listening to anything I just said?" she asked in disbelief and he laughed. "See, this is really unfortunate, Black," she said, crossing her hands over her chest again and taking a deep breath. "I'm still a bit in shock that I'm apparently so in love with you that it's literally killing me, and you're—"

A cocky smile spread across his face like butter. "Now, now, darling, this is quite a development," he explained, holding his hand up and pressing it down in a slow, gentle 'calm-down' sort of motion.

She narrowed her eyes. "Development how?"

He folded his hands in his lap, fingers clasped together, and he tilted his head at her like a puppy. "Because, I'd say today's become your lucky day," he hummed, that stupid smile still evident on his lips, and cute as it was, she really wanted to smack it off right then.

"Lucky?" She repeated. "I just found out I'm literally going to die in who knows how long because of your dumb arse, and you want to call it lucky?"

"Oi, beautiful, settle down, maybe, so I can figure out what I'm supposed to say here."

Settle down?

Settle down?

Y/N was about to lose her mind, and maybe she'd even be cured after she strangled him to death, but before her fuse could blow, there was a blur of black, a dip in the bed, two hands cupping her cheeks, and a warm mouth smashing against her own. A gasp pushed its way out of her lips and it took her a moment to realize that Sirius Black was bloody kissing her. His lips disconnected from her own for a split second, his dark eyes peering into her own, and he opened his mouth to speak. "Darling, I—"

She gave him no time to finish.

Instead, she grabbed two fistfuls of his white, button-down shirt and pulled his mouth back against her own, pouring months and months of pining and drooling over him into one singular moment. His mouth melded against hers like their lips were never meant to part and the tips of his fingers were pushed back into her hair. One of his hands traveled to the nape of her neck to support her head, before his lips broke from hers again and peppered kisses over her face.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered breathlessly, kissing over her cheeks and her nice. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He kissed her between each one and when he was satisfied with the surface he'd covered, he pulled away, and his eyes met her own. His eyes were glistening with emotion that seemed so familiar to her in his gaze, but she'd never recognized it as adoration until that moment. "And you're bloody stupid, because I've been set on you since I switched the names on your paper with Pettigrew's in Transfiguration last year."

Y/N's head was still reeling from the kiss, but her lips parted in surprise at his confession. "You what?" she sputtered through a laugh. "You're the one who's bloody stupid," she managed while she giggled.

As a chuckle bubbled out of his Sirius' mouth and Y/N tried—not very hard at all—to shove him off of the bed, the roots in her chest finally began to recede.

↴

a/n / two years and i finally finished a fucking imagine! yay :)

[heliads]

Hello lovely! I was wondering if you could please write an enemies to lovers Sirius x reader fanfic where they're always bickering and arguing but one day, reader seems rather numb and he makes an obnoxious comment like "Trouble in paradise, princess?" and they get mad and say "Oh, get f, Black! Easy for you to have a go, isn't it? Why do we always have to talk about my shitty life, Mr. Tell Me A Fucking Secret?" and the reader storms off and he finds out that they're brother died? Sorry if that doesn't make any sense and i fully understand if you don't want to do it. Don't forget to drink water and have a great day :) 💞

'an apology' - sirius black

masterlist

Everyone likes Sirius Black. Everyone but you, it seems. You’re not sure how in Merlin’s name he managed his widespread popularity. Maybe there was a secret prank of the Marauders a while back in which they jinxed everyone in the school to grow besotted with the long-haired, mischievous, good-for-nothing scoundrel, then accidentally forgot to cast the enchantment on you. It wouldn’t even be that unrealistic, except there’s absolutely no chance that Sirius hasn’t picked up on your disregard for him. In fact, if you didn’t know any better, you’d say that he enjoys it.

Of course he would. Of course Sirius Black, Quidditch star, Marauder, prankster extraordinaire, absolutely reckless and divinely insensible Sirius Black would get a kick out of riling you up. How could he not? It’s like it’s against his programming to do anything that makes sense.

The two of you have been clashing since the day you met. No matter where you are– walking to class, accidentally paired up for a class project, meandering through Hogsmeade– you and Sirius have a knack for finding each other even in the thickest of crowds, and then promptly wanting to murder each other. You squabble over small things, like tying one’s tie incorrectly, and big things too, like when Sirius pranked you too hard one time and it took the entirety of the Marauders and your friend group working in tandem to prevent a genuine slaughter.

Needless to say, every day in which you can avoid running into Gryffindor’s favorite troublemaker is a good one. Needless to say, in a small castle like Hogwarts, that task is pretty much impossible. Even when you pledge to yourself that you’re going to pick the high road and stop letting yourself get riled up by him, you still somehow manage to get yourself lodged in yet another petty dispute.

Today, though, you really don’t want to see him. You woke up this morning to terrible news from home. Professor McGonagall had called you into her office to deliver the solemn verdict herself. Although she can be a terrifying presence, you’re glad for her today. This way, there wasn’t anyone else around but her when you found out that your brother had died.

It seems impossible. You can picture your brother in your mind– laughing, smiling, running around– and the idea that he could be dead is nonsensical. You would know, you think. Surely you would know. If a bright light like your brother could be snuffed out overnight, you would have been able to feel it. Yet you didn’t, and the world is still spinning, and you are expected to get yourself up and keep on living even though your brother is no longer here. You’ll never be able to see him again, never hear him call your name whenever you go home. He’s gone, gone forever, and you can’t think about anything else but him.

Professor McGonagall, surprisingly, is a good person to help you with loss. She listens to you brokenly sob for a while, then lets you stay in her office for as long as you need to stop crying. She offers you some biscuits, which are only mildly stale, and offers to write you a note to get out of her class, at least, although she can’t speak to the rest of her fellow professors.

You thank her, then head out. Although the idea of curling up in your bed for the rest of the day and perhaps the rest of the year as well is quite tempting, you know that if you let yourself go into misery, you’ll never be able to claw yourself out. You decide to go on with the rest of your classes for the day, as much for the distraction of not being alone with your thoughts as anything else. 

You can quietly tell your friends what happened, and they’ll make sure nobody bothers you. Your brother died. Nothing seems to matter anymore. The idea that someone like Sirius Black might try to cause you trouble is almost laughable. Your brother is gone. What can a classroom bully possibly say to you to make this worse?

Sirius Black is getting bored again. He always starts idling halfway through Charms, anyway, but it’s not like that’s his fault. Flitwick should know better than to put oil lamps in front of his students, anyway; yes, they were supposed to be practicing discretion with their incendiary charms, but what does Sirius care about that? Besides, the fire he started only lit Peter’s sleeves on fire, and they managed to snuff that out pretty quick anyway. No damage done, not really.

By the time the day is halfway over, Sirius is itching for something interesting to happen. James is shaking his head and laughing at Sirius’ impatience, chiding him for not paying attention, but Sirius has seen his best friend’s eyelids drooping more than once today, so it looks like both of them are stifled for entertainment.

Sirius can tell that it’s gotten bad, because he’s hardly stepped out of the Great Hall after lunch when he spots Y/N L/N trailing down one of the corridors, and he actually starts grinning ear to ear. Y/N’s a fascinating person. They argue with Sirius like there’s no tomorrow. Sirius regards Y/N as an ever-changing maze to solve. Every time he thinks he’s hit a wall with ways to bother her, he finds something else. It’s delightful. He’s kind of obsessed with her.

So, upon seeing her, it should come as no surprise that Sirius would bid a hasty farewell to his friends and hurry to catch up with her. Usually, Y/N’s quick to shoot him a glare whenever she sees him, but this time she hardly seems to notice him when Sirius appears by her side. Strange, but he can change that.

“Good afternoon, sweetheart,” he says glibly. “I’ve missed you since I saw you yesterday, you know.”

Sirius pauses expectantly, waiting for Y/N to hit him with a rather devious comeback about how she’d rather walk over hot coals than willingly spend time in his company, but instead, she just keeps walking. Her shoulders are hunched, and her gaze is somewhat vacant, as if her mind were a thousand miles away. The quick thought flashes through Sirius’ mind that maybe she’s thinking about some guy, like maybe another student flirted with her earlier today and she’s distracted by it, and immediately his gut twists over with hot, white, irritation.

Fine, then. If she wants to ignore him, Sirius will make that impossible. He can up his game. “Tell me a secret,” Sirius drawls, each word slow and silvery like the smoke he loves so much, “What’s got a pretty face like yours looking so twisted up? I know it can’t be anything too terrible, I don’t think it’s possible for you to worry that sweet head over anything major. Don’t tell me you’ve gotten yourself into some trouble in paradise, princess. I just won’t believe it.”

That does get Y/N to look at him, but the sharp glance she directs at him is full of not anger but pain, pure pain. “Shut up,” she hisses at him. “Don’t you ever get tired of messing with me? Easy for you to have a go, isn’t it? Why do you always have to dig into my life, Mr. Tell Me A Fucking Secret? Leave me alone.”

With that, Y/N abruptly turns and stalks down a nearby corridor. Sirius watches her leave with absolute astonishment. They’ve had some verbal sparring matches which have turned nasty, to be sure, but never before has she looked at him with that much loathing. Worse than that– Sirius swears that he’d caught sight of some tears in her eyes when she’d regarded him with such misery.

Impossible. Y/N has never actually been hurt by anything he’s said to her. Right? No, she hasn’t. Sirius would know. This must mean that something has happened, something bad. Across the corridor, Sirius catches sight of one of Y/N’s friends looking at the scene he’d just caused with great distress. When she realizes Sirius has noticed her, she makes to follow Y/N, but he quickly stands in her way to keep her there.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asks plainly. No use in beating around the bush.

Y/N’s friend looks away. “None of your business, Black. Y/N’s right, how about you leave her alone for the time being?”

Sirius swears he can feel something break in his chest, some tendon plucked like a bowstring. “What are you talking about? What do you know?”

Y/N’s friend tries to get away again, but when it becomes evident that Sirius will not be leaving without an explanation, she sighs and gives in. “Y/N found out this morning that her brother passed away.”

She doesn’t say anything else. She doesn’t have to say anything else. Instantly, Sirius feels rooted in place, struck by an awful wave of guilt. Y/N must be drowning in grief, and he’s just gone and teased her even worse. Merlin, she must hate him if she didn’t already.

When he looks up, he realizes that her friend is gone. Slowly, Sirius goes down the corridor he’d last seen Y/N, carefully checking every door and room in search of her. After a while, he finds her sitting on the ledge of a window, knees tucked up against her chest. The afternoon light falls on her face, revealing fresh tear tracks. Sirius’ heart thuds dully against his ribs, the unenviable guilt rising up to choke him once again.

She looks up when Sirius drifts closer, and her face twists. She flinches as if she’d like to run, but Sirius raises his hands hastily. “I’m not here to fight, honest. I wanted to apologize.”

Y/N regards him suspiciously. “Since when have you ever apologized?”

Sirius winces. “You’re right, I’ve been terrible. It’s just– Merlin, Y/N, I had no idea. I’m so sorry about your loss. I wouldn’t have said a thing if I had known, I promise.”

“So you would have been fine to belittle me like usual, but since you found out I– I lost my brother, you feel bad? Perfect. Now leave me alone.” She says tersely.

Sirius grimaces. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just– I have a brother too, you know? Even though we don’t quite get along, I can’t imagine losing him. The fact that you’re still able to get up and walk around is amazing to me. I think you’re really strong.”

Y/N stares at him, but some of the defensiveness is gone from her gaze. “Really?”

“Really,” he affirms. “This is a terrible thing to have happened to you, and I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Losing family is awful. Just know– I’m here if you want to talk, alright? I know you probably hate me for everything, and I wouldn’t blame you for it, but if you want someone, I’ll be around.”

Y/N stays silent, and Sirius takes that as his cue to leave. Just as he turns to go, though, he hears a soft voice behind him. “You can stay.”

Sirius looks back at her hopefully. “Yeah?”

“I’ll allow it,” Y/N tells him, but the corner of her mouth starts to quirk up a little into a somber half-smile, so Sirius realizes that he’s okay again, that they’re okay again. It feels far better than he could have imagined.

He takes a seat on the ledge opposite Y/N, and they both look out over the view of the grounds below them. Or– Y/N does, really. Sirius is more distracted by the girl in front of him. There are some things he’s starting to realize about her, about how he feels about her. It’s a good thing he has her forgiveness, so he has the time to think a little more about it.

harry potter tag list: @blondsauduun, @cameronsails, @neewtmas, @lovesanimals0000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @eclliipsed, @frenchgirlinlondon, @23victoria, @ilovexavierthrope, @faerieroyal

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[saidencii]

back to december; remus lupin

in which you and remus parted after sirius’ arrest and never spoke to each other again. until now.

remus lupin x reader

wc: 786

warnings: none

a/n: short and sad, my first oneshot :’) take this as me being in my feels after btd tv.

It had been twelve years since that fateful night.

Eleven Christmases without a word from Remus Lupin.

You sat in your lowly, run-down cottage, drinking cold tea from a stained cup that used to be ornate. The sun rose, almost reluctantly behind the gray clouds outside. You didn’t know how many more of these lonely December nights you could bear, when they used to be full of laughter and love.

A tap sounded at your window as your old, graying owl appeared. He held a letter in his beak. You opened it, revealing a familiar, scrawling script that made your heart drop.

“Dear Y/N,

I know you are already aware of who I am. It’s been twelve years since I saw you or even attempted to reach you. We didn’t even get to say goodbye.

I’d like to visit you again, you know, but I don’t know where you live now. If you do want to meet me, find me at Hogsmeade this Saturday at three in the afternoon. But if the chain is on your door, I understand.

Send me an owl back. Yours already knows where I live.

xx Remus”

You realized he wanted to meet you on Christmas eve. You wrote a hurried response, pondering whether to send the letter. This could be a trap, a trick by the newly escaped Sirius. Ultimately, you decide to send it back.

•••

It was Saturday, one in the afternoon. You walked along the snow-covered cobblestone paths of Hogsmeade, the bitter cold biting into your skin even through thick gloves. As you ascended the gentle hill, you stopped in your tracks as you saw the familiar face standing in front of you.

“Hello.”

“Hello, Y/N.” Remus said, his tone unreadable. You walked closer to him, analyzing his face. It had changed. There were a few new gashes, a new lengthy scar. But the hazel eyes remained the same. “Should we get inside? It’s cold.”

You nodded, wrapping your scarf tighter around your neck as you enter the Three Broomsticks. The amount of people celebrating Christmas was… a relief, really.

“I… I understand it’s been long. But I wanted to see if you were well,” he said, fidgeting with the buttons on the bottom of his tattered brown coat. “Have you been working?”

“Yes,” you admitted, a slight shame entering your voice. “But I’ve never been able to keep a job. You?”

“I used to work Muggle jobs for a long while but I couldn’t keep them because of… you know. But Dumbledore offered me a teaching position at Hogwarts.”

You felt a pang of happiness for him, but the ache was there as well. Nothing would make up for the time you lost. And he was far away, like always. It would be hard to reach him.

“What job?”

“Defense Against The Dark Arts professor.”

You nodded slowly, understanding. Remus had always been better at that. He’d been better at you than everything, and you were willing to accept that.

“You deserve it, Professor Lupin,” you said, smiling.

A cryptic silence filled the air as you wait for his response. The tranquility broke as soon as he spoke. “Thank you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”

“It’s alright. I trusted Sirius… and you didn’t. It was my fault for trusting the wrong person. I’m sorry, too.”

But you didn’t feel like it was over.

“I hope you and I can stay friends,” he said, a slight smile crossing his face. “It’s something that’s weighed on my conscience for a long time.”

“Friends. We’re friends.”

He hesitated before he spoke his next words. “Did I mention I’m teaching James and Lily’s son?”

Your lips parted in shock. You didn’t realize that much time had passed. He was already in his third year, if your memory didn’t fail you. “Harry? How is he?”

“He’s a bright child. Stubborn, but that’s expected from someone that has James Potter’s genes.” You two smiled as you recounted the best memories of your old friend. You missed him dearly.

“Remus, send me owls. Tell me when you’re hurting because someone should at least know.”

“I must admit, I miss having a small horde of unusual animals accompany me through those nights.”

The afternoon dragged on as you made small talk about your lives in the twelve lost years. Nothing could reignite the spark. Nothing he said made your heart skip a beat like it used to. Maybe that was just it. Gone.

As you stepped out of the place, you knew it was goodbye. It was a farewell to your forgotten feelings. You waved at him, forcing a smile.

Eventually, you found yourself hoping to go back to that December, wanting to change his mind.