#and most of those songs i gave pretty much only that meaning to. the relation of them to my trauma

[mbat]

and its also a partial struggle that my playlist i made mostly entirely for when im reminded of my trauma is also full of songs i actually really like. so sometimes i wanna listen to it casually but also most of these songs just make me think of my trauma feelings lmao

[dawndelion-winery]

Tripping Into Love

Clumsy confessions and the silly things they do for you

Ft. Capitano, Dainsleif, Diluc, Kaeya, Pantalone

Capitano:

He knows better than to charge in without a plan

At least he thinks he does, which is why he's begrudgingly forking over a hefty portion of his personal funds to Pantalone in exchange for information about you

He didn't stop to think how odd it might be for him to know things about you when you've never told him

Honestly, the only reason you probably haven't told him to piss off for being a creep is because you like to think you know him well enough to know he wouldn't have any unsavoury intentions

That and his reputation as the esteemed captain

He does panic when you question where he got the information from though

He doesn't know Pantalone have you a heads up simply to have the joy of watching Capitano squirm

"Did...didn't you?" Capitano stammered. "Perhaps I heard it from someone else, I could've sworn I'd heard somewhere that these were your favourite flowers."

You were cackling internally, of course, knowing his informant. Not that you'd tell him that; he could stew in his panic for a while longer until he finally mustered the courage to ask you out explicitly.

Dainsleif:

You were only joking when you said he should act more knightly

Sure he'd said there was no point since the fall of his nation meant all titles and status were irrelevant

But that's pretty hard to believe when he's practically bending over backwards for you

It was hard not to notice his efforts, honestly, with how curt and cavalier you knew he could be

Yet there he was, offering you his knee as a footstool for your comfort

"Dain, this isn't what I meant when I said I'd love to see you get on one knee."

You looked at the bough keeper quizzically. In return, he only gave you his usual, impassive expression as he insisted. "You're tired, it is a knight's due duty to ensure his companion's comfort."

You'd protest if it hadn't been for the faintest of blushes dusting his uncovered cheek, his gaze averting subtly in a momentary flicker. So you sat on his thigh, resting your head on his shoulder with a soft thanks as you shut your eyes, leaving the ex-captain swallowing hard as he stilled his aching heart.

Diluc:

Mondstadt's most eligible bachelor? Or most rizzless?

Sure, he's got the money to send you gifts and little tokens of his affection as he courts you

And yes, it's sweet to receive bouquets and desserts that remind him of you

What's less than ideal is the love letters he sends

You find yourself compared to the most questionable of descriptors that you're not sure if he likes you

I mean, did he seriously compare you to his deceased pet tortoise?

Years of living like a social recluse has scuffed all sense of tact he might have had

"Master Diluc-"

"Just Diluc is fine, love."

You blinked slowly, noting the way a faint blush crept up his cheeks, thinking he was slick with sneaking in a little pet name for you (he wasn't). It was hard to tell him relating you to the soil in the winery wasn't the most romantic declaration of his affection when he seemed so proud of himself. Admittedly, you were somewhat proud of him for coming out of his shell to court you too. But this!! This wasn't it.

"I don't need you to try to be poetic, Diluc, a simple 'I think you're lovely' is enough."

"Oh."

Kaeya:

Remember those poetry lessons he got from Venti? (Well not really but still)

Venti was peerless when it came to his songs, so naturally, you were quite enchanted with his performances

And of course, why wouldn't Kaeya think serenading you would be a good way to win your heart?

Unlike Diluc, he's much more delicate with his words, weaving them to flatter you best

Yet it's not quite what piqued your interest in him

Sure, it's poetically romantic and all, but it didn't really feel like him

It was moreso his banter with his estranged brother that you found endearing

"Care for a refreshing beverage on this fine day? My treat, of course, the Angel's Share has a new series of fruit mocktails that are just perfect for the weather, and I'd love to try then with you."

You hadn't expected master Diluc himself to stop the both of you at the entrance - well, he stopped Kaeya, at least. "Isn't it a little early for you to be drinking? As I recall, it's office hours for the Knights of Favonius right now."

"I have the day off, am I not allowed to drink in the company of my lovely companion?" Kaeya quips, gesturing to you.

"So you're being a bad influence?"

"We're not here for alcohol."

Diluc looked at Kaeya doubtfully, glancing in your direction as though to gauge if Kaeya was bluffing.

Oh woe is you who has to see Diluc burning holes into the back of Kaeya's head as he moniters his brother on a date.

Pantalone:

Money can buy anything.

Except your affection, it would seem

Sure, you enjoy the gifts, and it's nice to be spoilt

But he wants you to look at him the way he looks at you

Worse still is how he's conflicted about making use of his intelligence network to dig up information about you

"it'd ruin the process of getting to know (you)" he says

Which leaves him squeezing time into his schedule to spend with you against his better judgement

He's totally not slaving through his work to make time for you

He's nothing if not opportunistic though

Will most definitely take advantage of any concern you show

"Eyebags? No, no, I doubt I have those, but if you insist, why not come a little closer to check?"

All you'd said was he looked a little tired and haggard, and suddenly he has you in his chambers, sitting on his satin sheets as he lays his head in your lap. After all, if you were so concerned about whether he was resting, surely you wouldn't oppose helping to make sure he got a good sleep, yes?

Taglist: @myluvkeiji @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @chaosinanutshell @heizours @haliyamori @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating @cxlrose @astrequa @eowinthetraveler @ajaxstar @boundedbyfate @the-lost-anime-dad @moonbyunniee @greyrain23 @heavenlyfloof

Commissioned by @monstersealclubber

[demodraws0606]

AS YOU LIKE IT and Rui Kamishiro

"As You Like It" a song made by Eve is pretty much canonically Rui's theme song designated by colorpalet. I don't think I need to explain why as it stands out among WxS's discography while being linked with Rui a lot in general like him being the only with an alt vocal.

Now I'm gonna dissect some of the lyrics (ignoring the lyric distribution, this time because I don't think it ads too much ?) and explain how all of it links to Rui's character while also throwing in a little bit of speculating in there as I think the song could potentially foreshadow Rui's arc coming forward.

Also I know the song was definitely not written for Rui and this technically damages my analysis in some ways HOWEVER the fact colorpalet completely gave up on their usual normal choices for WxS pick to pick THIS SONG obviously matching Rui's character (and also shoving it in multiple after live shows) means this song is worth of analysis.

ANALYSIS TIME :

We're starting off strong, I think these lyrics go well with how Rui was in the beginning. He seemed apathetic/indifferent to the things around him, he clearly had given up connecting with anyone around him.

Crying over these memories obviously refers to how Rui is constantly hurt by his past weither knowingly or not, the memories of people rejecting him pretty much is still wound that is healing for him.

This could obviously be in relation to Rui's relationship with WxS, Rui says later in a QnA that the most stressful play for him was the RMD one. He constantly lives in fear of being rejected and his relationship with WxS is an act of courage for him.

"cause we shouldn't stand still, right ?" first ding on the disbandement arc counter

"Life is a sham" again very much a reference to his middle school self, and the "don't say you can't do it" is rlly vague but also I believe has multiple meanings.

People have bailled on Rui multiple times saying they can't do his production, but also Rui now was in situations where he withdraws from situation due to trauma like in wonder halloween where he "couldn't do it". "Don't say it's too late" Could be talking about middle school Rui's mindset, who had given up despite still waiting for someone to understand him.

Both could also be a reference to the disbandement arc as well

WxS forming and Rui being at first reluctant to join due to fear/past trauma

Now the "meeting of my selves" could be a reference to Rui's emotions but I think this a very specific line that could end up being foreshadowing towards something.

Asahi/Sakaki both seem to have links towards Rui as a character so it is possible, especially with the idea of conflicts with the different selves that this could be a reference to that (both side character linked to Rui ends up heavily challenging him and his beliefs in some way possibly ?)

"We steadily close the gap/But we remain far apart" could potentially be some ominous WxS foreshadowing but that's grasping at straws

Hmm.

Hmmmmmm....

Anyways !

*LOUD DISBANDEMENT ARC COUGH*

Okay obviously I don't need to explain how this relates to Rui's character. Rui right now still has Asahi looming in the background as the future of WxS still remains uncertain.

This one kinda has two conflicting ideals for Rui

"No meaning to being humble and respectful" could be related to Rui's tendency to be overly humble sometimes despite his extraordanary, he's very much a perfectionnist. He's also just overall very self critical, people reacting negatively to his directing made him feel like there was something wrong with him and that's just how he continued to view himself.

"So bye-bye to my embarassing dreams" Rui often chastises himself for wanting more, he's very similar to Emu in that way. His dream of wanting to have friends or his dream to stay with WxS both were "embrassing dreams" to him.

There are some other sus lines but since I don't have a good grasp on them so these will be the last one and uhm.

Yeah those specific lines I feel like is foreshadowing towards Rui's trajectory.

Because it's weirdly fitting in Rui's weird spot right now right ? He's becoming better, he has improved in so many ways but there are things that are definitely not improving with him (aka his feelings about greedy, his overworking tendencies and overall emotional repression). There are still issues with him brewing in the background and by issues I mean Asahi.

So yeah this was very rambley and I'm sleepy but As You Like It is Rui's blorbo song and colorpalet likes this blue and purple grape way too much.

[markiza297]

some of my music-related EMH headcanons because i feel bad and want to share it.

VINNY:

Vinny loves post-punk and goth music, like Joy Division, The Cure, Swans, The Fall, Depeche Mode and New Order. But when he gets asked to put something he likes on, he puts something like Prodigy or Infected Mushroom on, to look cool and not to "bore" his friends. And because he genuinely likes those as well.

___

Also i cannot NOT project my own coping mechanisms on emh characters, so i think (before the events unfolding, while Jessa is still alive and everything is normal) that boys like to meet up and share music AND their feelings in the format of : "This is how I feel : *Numb by Linkin Park starts playing*".

JEFF:

Jeff feels overwhelmed at his hospital job, feeling that he is responsible for everyone and everything, so most of the time when he doesn't have to work with patients, he wears headphones to ease his mind a bit, usually listening to something rhythmic (+1 point if the track doesn't have any words).

Jeff would be such a fan of Twenty One Pilots. This band is so him coded.

___

I think that Jeff and Evan would bond over their love for AJJ (again, im projecting, I KNOW). But Jeff would like the deeper details of the lyrics, and Evan would be like, "yo thats fire" because of the interesting sound.

EVAN :

I think that Evan has a Walkman cassette player, and he prefers cassettes to CD's, because "they sound worse". 

And the glove box in his car is filled with checks and old bills, and cassettes that don't match their package, for example, an AC/DC cassette in a Metallica case, etc. 

imo im convinced that Evan would be a huge lover of nu metal, im talking ALL OF IT. im talking Limp Bizkit, im talking Papa Roach, im talking Slipknot, Linkin Park, Skillet, KoЯn. Every time he gets a chance to get a record, he would spend his last money just to headbang to new edgy song while driving home.

And OF COURSE he would like Gorillaz. I think it should be canon, it's so obvious.

___

I think about Evan and his taste in music like this scene in Scott Piligrim where Ramona has unnecessary amount of different teas.

"-What do you like to listen?"

"-Let's see... We have classical rock, punk rock, hard rock, rock and roll, heavy metal, industrial, nu metal, alternate, metalcore, electropunk, funk metal, new rave, and... Indie"

HABIT :

Evan can't stand MCR (i know it's a hot take, i know), but HABIT loves them, especially when he gets to rearrange and clean his weapons, humming along while putting on a show, like twirling knives in the air or threatening an imaginary opponent.

If talking about my favorite purple bastard, I think it's really for music to get stuck in his head, and sometimes it can result in pretty hilarious (although still horrifying if you know the context) things, for example him throwing out the "trash" *wink wink* and not noticing how he sings something he had heard on the radio.

Just imagine HABIT humming ABBA or some 2010 white girl music. This brings me so much joy, you have no idea.

STEPH:

I think Steph would hide her preferences, until she feels safe enough to share some of the music she likes, and if a person she shares it with likes it as well, she would spend hours and hours talking about every little detail in lyric and sound and how it all has A DEEPER MEANING! She would be right, tho.

I'm convinced there was a situation where she gave an Evanescence cd to Evan with "this reminds me of u" written on the cover. I don't make the rules.

She probably writes some lyrics she really liked "to put them into her art later" only to forget about it.

[lokisasylum]

Someone on twitter said that ‘FACE’ brought out the true ugly face of the Music Industry--

But I think that it also brought out the true ugly face of the ARMY fandom.

So much so that from locals, casual listeners, to even the most hardcore Jimin biased OT7s finally realized that everything PJMS have been pointing out FOR YEARS was true all along.

That a great chunk of the fandom simply doesn’t care or downright HATES Jimin without reason and they will go to the most disgusting lengths to keep others from seeing the light as well under the constant harassment/threat/gaslighting of being called a “solo anti”.

They’re STILL doing it today, because somehow someone else failure is Jimin’s fault for some reason (but not the laziness of the ones who talked big and then did absolutely NOTHING to support all members solo projects the same way. And people showing full support for Jimin is considered some type of capital Sin).

And the shippers were the worst part of the deal, because most only cared about maintaining the integrity of their delusional narrative rather than protecting AND supporting both ends of their ship EQUALLY. 

Yoonminions wouldn’t stop bitching and moaning a week before the pre-release of “Set Me Free Pt.2″,  about some one-sided beef against Jimin for not “properly crediting” Yoongi IN A SONG & ALBUM THAT WERE NOT HIS TO BEGIN WITH. And only when Jimin said in an interview that the song was a nod to D2, BUT NOT DIRECTLY RELATED TO IT.  Only then did they finally STFU and started supporting.

Vminies... its time to wake up and smell the coffee, mi cielas, this cannot go on. We cannot continue with the crying-parties & embarrassing hashtags on twitter 24/7. You cannot claim a divorce when there was never a marriage to begin with. Do like Elsa and Let it go~♫

Jikookers... where to start with all of you lol... many of you were CHILL and constantly gave updates on Jimin, achievements, streaming parties and methods, voting, buying, funds, ect.

So yes, THANK YOU for your service & undying support to Team Jimin. 

The other half, however, were downright DISAPPOINTMENT upon disappointment. I swear if I could shove ya’ll in a blender on Max Speed I’m pretty sure that blender would malfunction and we’d all die together in a Nuclear Explosion. Because what do you mean you didn’t even bother listening to the whole album in support of Jimin but you suddenly gave a shit when it was revealed that there was a hidden track called “Letter” (also known as “DEAR. ARMY” as it is registered on KOMCA) where JK just did some backing vocals near the end??

And don’t even get me started  on the ones who were caught dragging other members, knowing this would get Jimin dragged as well. Those are the worse and already reaching a level of delusion I’ve only seen in trashcookers on the bird app.

But you know what tho? That’s okay, ‘cause outside of stan twitter, outside of tumblr, FB, IG, ect... None of that shit matters, Jimin's still loved, still winning, Those “other fandoms” that always shaded him got a rude awakening recently, and those individuals that always tried to discredit his achievements ALSO got a rude awakening themselves. And that’s on Karma.

So remember: “Everyone wants to see you doing good, but not better than them.“

[polycharismas]

my monthly alien stage rewatch findings. or rambles. Yeah rambles. i didnt say anything about Black Sorrow or Cure because those are like the most analyzed videos of all time and im tired Sigh

My Clematis: It still amazes me how much of an effect this one still has on me after all the time that has passed and after all the things that have happened in Alien Stage by now. It truly represents every single thing that makes Alien Stage such a special story. I think watching it again after all that went on in the story just elevates it so much more. This time around what did it for me was the monologue because you can easily apply it to every other character in this and it just Fits so well. Because truly what else do these children have aside from one another? Who else are they supposed to believe in? Where else are they supposed to find a God that can keep them moving forward in a world as cruel as this? All of them have someone, the nature of their admiration and the way they express it varies so much between all of them, but it still follows the same principle after all. The whole mv just put it in such a beautiful way it honestly holds up as its own story but knowing there was way more to these two girls and this whole world makes it so much better. I love yuri

ALIEN STAGE: UUugggGGahsgagahHahwnajwjdj Sorry. Okay. This is like the actual real trailer for this thang and its also so perfect. It foreshadows everyone's role surprisingly well. I think the fact Sua is the one singing also makes it better somehow because it just makes sense. She's the one that indirectly triggered a lot of what happens in Alien Stage in the first place she's the most important for our protagonist she's related with the rest of the cast in many different ways and to this day we still know next to nothing about her and yet she's the one singing the song that can be considered a true introduction to this whole world and that's Fascinating to me. I just feel nostalgic about this one also even if it really hasn't been that long since it was released. General banger and also it looks pretty as hell it makes me ill. Waugh

Unknown (Till the end...): OKAY I REALIZED THIS WAS PROBABLY THE ONE WHERE MY OPINIONS WOULD CHANGE THE MOST i have recently taken quite a liking to thinking about Till since a Twitter thread changed my whole perception about him and Oh Boy Did It All Change. It kind of really fucks me up. Till's relationship with Mizi i mean. It's stated he's one of the most brilliant in Anakt Garden. Not only is he skilled at both singing and playing an instrument he's also a pretty damn good composer. It's really something when you realize Mizi was the one who gave him both the determination and the inspiration to achieve all of this. The song he performed was the fastest selling album and he made it to Top 2 despite the fact the aliens are just not fond of him at all to put lightly. And he only achieved all of this because Mizi decided to show him a kindness she has always been familiar with but also a kindness he never experienced once in his life. Till has suffered a lot. Struggling to find an alien that would actually want to adopt him, being experimented on by the aliens and probably way Wayyyyy more, but it only took a single person to show him kindness for him to be able to keep on living. The nature of his feelings can be easily interpreted as romantic but it honestly resembles more that of a painter and his muse to me. So how do you think he felt when he saw his muse experience for the very first time the unkind world they lived in? He couldn't even glance at her during his performance because seeing his idol in such a state was painful. That still didn't stop him from wanting to speak his heart out through a song specifically made for her to hear. I sure hope nothing bad happens to this determined and energetic little guy!

Ruler of My Heart: Hi. This time around i thought really hard about how naturally Luka could hit all of Mizi's weak points through his performance. It's like a skill he learned throughout the years which is a really disturbing idea for me because we all know the state of his mind but what else could this be than giving the aliens exactly what they want from hosting this competition through all these years? Luka's parallels with Hyuna in the way they went about their roles in this world always fascinated me greatly because on one hand we have a total rebel who didn't hesitate to escape and do what She thinks is correct and on the other we have the Perfect contestant for Alien Stage. A title that sounds prestigious but can be also terrifying if we look at it from a human perspective. Someone so capable of twisting people's minds for the sake of entertainment and someone just detached enough to not hesitate at the truly awful implications of being a part of this competition and still participate with everything he's got. We don't know what exactly is the reason he did all of this and we also don't know much about. Anything that goes through his mind. So what the hell am i even talking about honestly. I want him so badly its painful i can fix him❤️

TOP 3: guys Guys Guys Guys Guys Guys Guys. Here it is. Famously known video i never shut the fuck up about. I think dropping this not before Alien Stage started but in the middle of it was genius because now we know exactly what the nature of this world truly is. I will never shut the fuck up about how absolutely amazing this video specifically is. The shift between the perspective of Alien Stage the aliens have to the perspective the humans themselves have is so fucking well done it makes me insane everytime. What could Alien Stage be to beings incapable of feelings? Just the perfect source of entertainment and money they could ask for. Its nothing more than that. But to the humans themselves its absolutely everything. Where they could win everything or lose it all. In this world humans have no other option than to trust their abilities to have even the slightest chance of being given the right to live freely. Where the cost of losing is your life. But also where the cost of winning is your own humanity. This video represents all of that in such a perfect way and it makes me ill in the head. GHhagzgHagGagagagav im normal

MIZISUA: Having a dedicated video for the most important relationship in the whole series is actually such a brain move. You can always feel the love these two have for each other every time they are together but the way you can feel it here just hits. Not a single word is spoken and yet you can feel everything they felt for each other in just that peaceful moment they shared when they were being sent to Anakt Garden. And the way you can also feel the pain Sua's absence has on Mizi in the span of so little time. You can feel absolutely everything with just that final scene alone. You can also see how opposite they were to each other and yet how well they fit together despite that. Seeing Sua like this makes me feel ill because i know already how much Mizi's everything changed her completely. To be loved is to be changed indeed. This video says everything you need to know about their feelings for each other and im DIGGING IT man. I miss them so much it hurts

All-in: HEH. HEY. HI HYUNA. This is like the perfect way to introduce her. We already know Hyuna somehow managed to break into the competition itself to save Mizi and this video just enhances more the way we see her by showing us how strong she is both as leader of the resistance and as a person. Hyuna is by far the most mature of the cast and this video shows it in such a perfect way. Someone like her is exactly what Mizi needed to finally break away from the pain Alien Stage caused her and to search for a path of her own in the freedom she now has. I love how easy going and fun the whole song feels because its no longer a performance for the aliens its a performance for the humans. Its no longer a song trapped beneath all that surrounds Alien Stage. Its a song made for the people that are free from the aliens that's meant to inspire them to keep moving forward and to not stop fighting for the future where the humans hold freedom. All of this also makes the fact that Luka is such a huge trigger for her elevate both of their characters greatly and also just make the whole conflict between them more interesting. What exactly was it that made Hyuna despise this man to the point thinking about him makes her sick? What exactly goes through Luka's mind when it comes to Hyuna specifically? They make me insane in the head i think the day we get more Hyuluka lore is the day i officially pass away forever. Godbless

[jiminsass-istant]

https://www.tumblr.com/jiminsass-istant/738939466569416704/this-reactor-creating-a-nice-little-space-in-his

Few days back i was watching reaction video's for jm (i do that once in a while when i miss him nd want to coo over him with other ppl so i watch reaction videos) and this person popped up and it was a taekook reaction video so out of curiosity (I'm stupid) i went to check the comments section and there were comments as how this man has reacted on many kpop ships but think that taekook is far different than others and blah blah (idt i need to tell u what kind of cmnts tkkrs do on these videos) and i said the same thing that nice way to bring views.

You know I'm Indian so i see tens of reaction videos of ppl reacting to Indian stuff like songs, movies, food, culture etc and i know for a fact that those ppl are nowhere genuine or curious about my country but rather use ppl for views (as India has highest population). You can tell the difference who's being genuine and who's just clickbaiting.

If this man had watched other ships in k-pop then there's no way he gonna think tk is different cause those kpop ships has some another level of skinship (which tk don't even have much) and these reactors only gag over skinship. There's hardly anything tae and jk had said about e/o that will make one to think they're dating (like i know this gonna sound mean but there's literally nothing tk had done for e/o or with e/o that could be ship worthy or to think there's something between them). BTS has done not even half the shit those other k-pop ships do so this man saying tk is different tells u that he's just taking views. Like ask him some 2-3 things about jk and tae and I'm sure he won't be able to tell shit about them cause if someone sits on a chair to do just shipping reaction videos then you're just there for views and not beacuse you're curious about knowing them beyond that.

One of the reasons i also don't watch any shipping reaction videos (including jkk) even if they say jkk is different is because i know most of them are just saying it for views.

I hate it when these people bring jm into their ship cause we all know 99% of them hates his guts.

Thank you for putting this here maybe other jkkrs will see it and tell the man to be in his limit. He's giving Tkkrs space to degrade jm same thing one of the youtubers did. His name is something like dj dino or just dino but something like that so this guy once said that jm's promise song is pretty simple nd there's nothing in there blah blah or shit and since then his comment section is filled with jjks (i think he loves jk or praises him alot) which gave space to those jjks to hate on jm (other members too ig) and when he gave review on like crazy nd gave it some 97/100 score all his followers started hating on him to the point he had to acknowledge it and talk about the hate. This is what happens when these ppl give space to hating on memebrs and then it comes back to bite them in the ass. I pray this bites this shipper in the ass too.

A request to jkkrs who sees it to go and tell the guy about the shit his followers be doing. and ask him to stop involving jm in any ships especially tkk cause he ain't anyone's captain nor a baby sitter.

For context, this anon is referencing my deleted post about Ben Kim, the YTube reactor. Reacts to Taekook and gives space for Tkkers to hate on Jimin.

Just putting this ask here so people can go and report his @ss.

Also, this reactor even reacted to Jungkook smoking video and even used it as a thumbnail for that video. The title was something like "jk doesn't give a fu¢k". Idk.

Frankly, reactors like this should be bullied into deleting their videos. Where are the army bullies when we need them? Too busy looking at humanlouvre art maybe, lol.

Seriously though, how does that art account have 350k + followers? The art is so bad. So cringe. The fetishization is off the charts. The military related art? Yikes.

[fancyfeathers]

@istgtumlrifyoudothisonemoretime asked a question

LONG POST but was just listening to your yan will playlist and the song "the moon will sing" is soooooo them-coded. like i realised how much it fits their relation this much. like there are a bunch of songs in the playlist that are pretty much william addressing to her, but this one is basically her asking him. "Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else Before you made the choice for me" pretty obvious that while her future was pretty bleak regardless due to her position in society, William still decided that she will be his and protected, instead of helping her get a better job and standing for herself he set her on his path. "My feet knew the path We walked in the dark, in the dark I never gave a single thought to where it might lead" cool considering she is a ballerina + when during the night she met him for the first time and talked with him, not knowing what it held for her future "All those empty rooms We could have been anywhere, anywhere else Instead, I made a bed with apathy" not much can be taken out from it except the fact that she could have had any other life, but she was forced to settle in the comfort of the cage he built for her, and she grows apathetic to the world "My heart knew the weight Ten years worth of dust and neglect We made our peace with weariness and let it be" again pretty vague, but it does show that she 'slows' down and becomes like a stationary person, apathetic. can hint towards how hurt she felt after he "died" leaving her and it did hurt alot, and how in her marriage she came to accept her 'bleak' life with him as there was no means of escape or hope of an accepting world outside the manor. "The moon will sing a song for me I loved you like the sun Bore the shadows that you made With no light of my own I shine only with the light you gave me I shine only with the light you gave me" whatever the definition of "love" she holds for him, it is apparent that he is an important and celestial figure in her life who guides her. she lives in his shadow, too scared to step out, with her own light depleted after the fire. she only "shines with his light" meaning he does everyhting for her, makes every decision and comment in her place. everything she is gifted is his, nothing is truly her own. "Name your courage now We could have had anything, anything else Instead, you hoarded all that's left of me Swallowin' your doubt Like swords to the pit of my belly I want to feel the fire that you kept from me" self explanatory that he "hoarded" all that was left of her self after the death of sorelli. also "name your courage" can be seen as her taunting him on a rare occasion on how he uses a noble cover of "protection" to justify taking her from her life. william does have doubts about his own perfect morality (not really doubts as much as he believes in them) + will uses swords yayy metaphor. also the 'fire' can be interpretaed as how he snuffed out most of her anger and defiance early on, or how he tries his best to conceal his dirtier work from her.

I am so glad someone else noticed this because this song gave me so much inspiration for them like I remember listening to it when writing that first scene where they meet when she is walking home and just thinking that this is basically that story in a song.

It is a hopeless song and just the idea of the illusion of choice she was forced to make in the relationship, and how it felt like the relationship already had a pre-determined path that she had to follow because she has no where else to go is what both of them are about.

Like literally I have no thoughts to add because you stole the words from my mouth

[fanfic-inator795]

Looking back at TGaMM s2, while it’s pre-ending could’ve been stronger and the arc with the Chens could have used a bit more fleshing out, it’s FINAL episode was just about perfect and the stuff I loved from s1 was just as great as ever and as such, if this is the last we see of TGaMM, I’m pretty satisfied.

Anyway, outside of the s2 (series?) finale which I’d call a 10/10 episode and ending, here’s my top 10 in no particular order:

- A Doll to Die For: I’m a sucker for Lord Hater- I mean, Lord Doom. Really funny with good horror-comedy elements and a really sweet ending, has those s1 vibes of helping a character find their happiness and it’s just an easy one to rewatch for me.

- The (After)Life of the Party: Of course I’m gonna love the ep that gave us Jeoff - plus it’s just fun in its own right, and that song’s a bop.

- Faint of Art: VERY relatable as as a fellow creative, another great song, really good jokes and an incredibly sweet ending

- Dance Dad Revolution: Pretty sure I’m the only one who really likes this one, haha. I just found it really amusing, and even when he’s at his ‘worst’, Pete is still just super charming to me. The song in this one is one of my faves (was stuck in my head for the longest time), and I love that it was the Jeoffs and their genuine love for dancing that inadvertently ruined Scratch’s scheme in the end, lol.

- All Shark No Bite: just a fun time, ngl. I love GhostShark and I’m so happy he stuck around

- Davenport’s in Demise: really interesting spotlight for Andrea. Another great song, great lesson, fun jokes- and come on, of course I was gonna put the ep with the “soft rock personality” joke on here, haha

- Kenny’s Falling Star: Idk, I just really like the story in this one. Kenny’s actually a lot more endearing than I thought he would be, and both his songs are great.

- Frightmares on MainStreet: excluding the s2 finale, this was probably the best out of all the Half-Hour eps this season, as it never feels like it’s dragging nor does it ever feel rushed. It’s fun, sweet, exciting - really the only knock against it comes from how it’s ending now feels a bit hollow, given how rushed the rest of the Chens arc ended up being. (Also I’m still a bit annoyed that the Frightmares in the thermos never came back, either as a serious threat or as a solution to defeating another threat. Like- why bother having them in the Chens’ possession in the first place then?)

- Alakasham: a nice and entertaining episode that really highlights just how much Darryl has grown over the season, plus all the stuff with the magic was a ton of fun.

- FONAA: another ep that felt like a classic s1 romp with great jokes, great moments between Molly and Scratch, and a really sweet ending.

Outside of my faves of the season, I’d say pretty much all the other eps were also really good, only ever being just kinda meh at worst.

I’d say the only ones that stood out in a negative way were:

- (I know I’m gonna be in the unpopular minority on this one) Like Father, Like Libby: it just sorta felt like a One-Scene Wonder sort of ep given that you’re just spending the whole time waiting for the other shoe to drop, thus causing the rest of the ep to feel sorta boring and filler-y since it’s not super funny or interesting in the lead up to the Big Scene. I feel like it could've played better if we got more of Libby and Leah bonding instead of just Libby being only focused on her dad and Leah being worried.

Honestly, out of all the “Special Episodes” this season, it’s the one that feels the most like it instead of simply being an enjoyable ep that happens to have a Special Lesson (like Period Piece or 100% Molly McGee)

AND

- The Grand Gesture: not bad by any means, just overstuffed. It sucks that by the time we finally got a Darryl and June ep, it also had to be shared with a b-plot that felt like it took the majority of the ep. It also just wasn’t super funny outside of like two jokes and felt rushed by the end of it.

All in all, for as much as I loved this season for its episodic installments, it’s new characters (namely Jeff, Lord Doom and Ollie) and its songs, the fact that 2/3rds of the serialized stuff didn’t quite lead up to its potential in the end and fell a bit flat - plus a couple of sorta meh episodes - makes me want to say that I do think s1 is better by juuuuuust a little bit.

But hey, s2 is still incredibly solid and enjoyable - and again, DAMN, that was a super satisfying and really great ending both to Scratch’s personal arc and the show itself - which makes TGaMM a really good show overall in spite of some minor flaws and disappointments. Easily the best modern day Disney show imo right up there with Big City Greens.

[madamemimic]

Just got fully caught up with Your Turn to Die. Thoughts under the cut!

Fucking loved it.

I first gave this game a shot two years ago and while I enjoyed it quite a bit, I found myself bouncing off because I wasn't a huge fan of the point-and-click adventure style puzzle solving.

Fast forward to today and holy shit am I glad I stuck with it. The shift in gameplay styles in each chapter is super novel and I had a ton of fun adapting to each of them. While I think the minigames could use some work (saving Gin from the cage and a few of the chapter 2 attractions were kind of awful), the overall gameplay loop is a lot of fun.

I think most of my grievances with the gameplay are because it's being made in RPGMaker MV. It's an engine issue - not much you could do about that at this point. Later chapters fix a lot of these issues by using the game's strengths (analysis, puzzle-solving, character knowledge) a lot more often than just "click on this thing before a timer runs out!"

Some of the logic during debates can be a little strange, too. A few times in the first two chapters I found myself getting really frustrated because, while I was technically finding potential arguments and item-statement matchups, they weren't the ones that the game wanted, so it counted them as incorrect. Also, not being able to draw statements out of characters without lowering the timer in the Gin/Q-taro minigame kinda sucked. However, I had none of these issues during the chapter 2 main game and the chapter 3 banquet, so overall the game improved on that front quite a bit.

Music isn't great, but it's one dude doing his best with garageband loops. At the very least, each song fits its respective moment super well. I'd love to see this game with an original soundtrack, though...

The art is great. Character portraits are super dynamic, character designs are super solid and memorable, and the backgrounds look absolutely fantastic. There are a few awkward character portraits (Q-taro and Gin's can be a little strange sometimes), but those are nitpicks. Game looks great.

The characters and story... hoo boy, where do I even start? I don't dislike a single character in this game, which was a shock coming from the Danganronpa series. The worst I can say is that some of the characters weren't super interesting, but that was only for like two of the dolls in chapter 3. Big fan of Keiji, Sou (Shin?), and Reko. Every character feels unique and feels like they have a place in the story. Even some of the first characters to die are given proper characterization as the story goes on, meaning that really any character can be someone's favorite.

Sara is a pretty good protagonist, too! I often have trouble relating to protags in these kinds of games, but Sara is fairly interesting in her own right. If she were a side character instead, I think I'd like her a bit better... but hey, she isn't, so I'm not judging her on that. She's a fine protagonist with lots of character.

The story has the highest Revelations Per Hour of any game I've ever played. God damn. You get zero down time, especially in the latter two chapters. I haven't been this surprised by a game in a long, long time. Fuckin' love it.

By the way: On my playthrough, I've chosen Reko over Alice and Kanna over Sou. No dolls have survived.

Overall I loved what there is of YTTD so far and can't wait for even more in the future! Also, Alice is trans and you can't convince me otherwise.

[suuho]

hiii friend i hope you are doing well! i was wondering if i could ask for meta analysis of this (https://www.tumblr.com/suuho/708647383291002880/vincenzo-2021-sending-my-love-from-the-other) edit you made? like what the lyric meant to you in relation to the gifs/vincenzo and han seo, and like those lyrics mean to vincenzo about han seo; if they are about them?

this is silly and you don’t have to answer ofc heh!! i just adoreee that edit and think about it all the time heh the vincenzo community needed it heh. thank u sm!!!

hi!! i'm hanging in there, i hope you're well too!! sorry that this took a few days to answer but i had work, and also i wanted to take my time and answer this properly because that's what an analysis should be. fair warning, i haven't had that much sleep so i hope any of this makes sense, and it's also been a minute since i've made that set. (read more cause very long)

so, the edit in question. funnily enough, i pretty much knew i wanted to make this set in some capacity since that song by fall out boy was released (great song, btw) and it took a little while to formulate those thoughts into something coherent, and then to actually sit down and make that gifset. most of the stuff i make i have a vague idea of what it's supposed to look like, but this one surprised me with the overlays and the blending; i didn't expect it to look like that in the end, but i love the colors and i love it for what it is. vinzenco is obviously coded in blue and hanseo in orange/yellow, and i purposely did that. i think, hanseo's death was such an impactful moment in the show, even more than the death of vincenzo's mother, because up until then, we had watched hanseo go through heavy, positive character development, and as a viewer, that makes you root for him. actually, we have been made to root for him way earlier in the show, when we find out hanseo is a victim of abuse by his own older brother (who turns out to not be a goofy paralegal, so in that sense, they have turned the tables narratively on what jang brother to sympathize with), and is willing to change.

i think a lot of hanseo's conflict and character boils down the fact that his abuser is his own brother, someone he is conditioned to love by societal pressures and norms, and that he knows he should love in a familial way, and that he finds himself clinging to because it is all he has left of his family. he has nowhere else to go, no way out, until he meets vincenzo. it is hard to escape an abuser, and the fact that hanseo manages to do so by his own will, and with vincenzo's help, only to in the end die by the hands of his brother anyways? god, that is so tragic. that is why his death hurts so much more than the others in the show. anyways, i am digressing somewhat.

but! the edit in question. the first gif is pretty obvious in relation to the second: i wanted to show a moment in hanseo's life in which he was truly happy, a moment he spent with vincenzo. has vincenzo ever allowed himself an affection like that towards anyone? to hanseo, of course, vincenzo fills a role that has been misappropriated his entire life: the part of hyung, a big brother role that hanseok never managed to remotely tend to in the way he should have. hanseo does not have any hyungs in his life, he doesn't have someone he can trust like that, that he can love like that (i won't deny that i am a hanseo/vincenzo enthusiast because i do love them together, and i do not think of them as ~brothers in that sense, but as a mere narrative tool, that is the position vincenzo fills for hanseo in his life and in the show).

i wish we would have seen more of their quiet moments together, because i think they both gave each other something they had been missing until then.

the middle gif, of course. god, when will that scene not hurt like hell. that is more in relation to the caption and the gif after. in vincenzo's life and in the mafia, there is only way to avenge, and that is an eye for an eye. blood for blood. but the fact that vincenzo chose the cruelest punishment for hanseok specifically? that is purely motivated by the loss of hanseo. what would you trade the pain for? vincenzo chose a knife. and what did hanseo trade the pain for? a glimpse of happiness. if you are dead by the end of the story, you are dead at the beginning of it. that's how it works.

if you look at the song in general, i just love how it speaks to the both of them.

especially the pre-chorus but more so this entire first part of the song is so hanseo for me. the city always hangs a little bit lonely on me, loose / like a kid playing pretend in his father's suit. think about the starched-white shirts and high collars he wears, partly to hide the bruising of the abuse, partly like an armor, and how he lets go of it when he is around vincenzo. hanseo is quite literally playing pretend in his own life; he is controlled by his brother who continuously drills into him that he won't amount to anything, that he is stupid, that he is worthless. but hanseo is neither stupid nor worthless; he is smart, can think on his feet, is mechanically gifted. he is funny. he laughs the way someone laughs who's surprised by his own, actual laugh because he hasn't heard it in so long. his real laugh, not some approximation of it.

model house life meltdown still a modern dream letdown, it kills me / you know i'm dying out here / what would you trade the pain for? if you are dead at the end of the story, you are dead at the beginning of it. i think, hanseo is aware that he is slowly dying as a victim of his circumstances, figuratively and literally. which is what makes him reckless enough to even seek out vincenzo. a lot of hanseo's life is lived with the desperation of a dead man walking.

that bridge is such a gut-wrencher, my god. but this is the part that i find speaks more broadly to vincenzo. like i said, the loss of hanseo is what ultimately made him take a deliberately cruel, downright mortifying approach to his vengeance, to his punishment. and you were the sunshine of my lifetime / what would you trade the pain for? is obviously more in relation to vinzenco's relationship with hanseo. at least, in the intent of this set.

that goes hand in hand with i saw you in a bright-clear field, hurricane heat in my head / the kind of pain you feel to get good in the end, good in the end. that is just, exactly the scene when vinzenco confronts hanseok the last time, and remembers hanseo. whew. my god. what a gut punch.

other than that, i mostly just wanted the set to go from light to dark, because i think killing hanseok the way he did was in many ways a breaking point for vincenzo, hence all the shadows he finds himself in, and the fact that hanseo's death is the reason for it? absolutely insane. give up what you love before it does you in. vinzenco couldn't give it up, not even the memory of hanseo, and so he let it kill a part of hinself as well. he chose the knife to trade for the pain. anyways. i hope that was somehow helpful for you! thank you so much for your question!

[that-one-enby-ranger]

Halt's Playlist Part 2

I'm Something Else by SomethingElseyt - I honestly don't know why this song reminds me of Halt. It just kind of does.

Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver - This reminds me him and his family back in Hibernia, just because of the feel of the song. I hope I'm not the only one with this.

Arlandria by Foo Fighters - This song reminds me of both Halt and Morgarath. I don't really know why. But there is a line in the song that goes: 'YoU aNd WhAt ArMy!' That reminds me of when Morgarath was taunting Halt and pissing him off in The Burning Bridge

The Pretender by Foo Fighters - I guess this is just another song that I just have that feel that it relates to Halt. Also think modern day him would kind of like it.

It's My Life by Bon Jovi - Yes. Yes! YES! This is a very good song for him. Basically any song that is talking about being strong, and courage, and standing up for yourself and all that shit. And getting revenge. All those things remind me of him.

Too Much Love Will Kill You by Queen - Alright so, I feel like Halt's been through a lot of shit. And a lot of it happened when he was still pretty young. I mean, he had to go through his parents fighting, him fighting with ferris, him probably fighting with his parents, Ferris trying to kill him, leaving Hibernia and his family including Caitlyn, and then loosing Pritchard. And he was only around twenty and younger when all that happened. Then he probably had to go through a lot more. This is probably why he would push people away. My head canon is he is scared to get too close to be people because he doesn't want to loose them again. Hence, "Too Much Love Will Kill You.' (Geez I ended up rambling on about that one. I just love that fucking song. And Queen. There will be more Queen songs.)

Livin' On The Edge by Aerosmith - Again, this is one of those badass songs. And he is badass. Living on the edge, as in, he is constantly getting himself into trouble and danger. He is living on the edge. The edge of the entire kingdoms patience. Also side note: I feel like Horace would like Aerosmith.

God Gave Rock 'N' Roll To You by KISS I head canon that since Halt likes rock music in modern AU, and he would've grown up in a rich, high class family, obviously, so he probably would of learned to play some instruments, like gutair. It's stupid I know.

Stay Gold by Stevie Wonder - This is because of another one of my modern day AU headcanons. Halt likes reading, and one of his favorite books is The Outsiders by SE Hinton (this definietly isn't just because thats one of my favorite novels.) Him and Crowley bot like it and would talk to each other all the time about the book and movie and characters at the gatherings, leaving Will and Gilan out of the conversation. Crowley even starts calling Halt after one of the characters that he reminds him of. Dallas Tucker Winston. Stay Gold is the song made for the movie soundtrack.

Getting Surreal by The Fratellis - This has the same reason for Dogtown which is also by The Fratellis, and that is just the sound and vibe of the song. I don't know, I just feel like he'd like it.

So a lot of these don't have that good of an explanation, and that might of been because I was watching Edward Scissorhands while writing most of this, so I wasn't focusing properly and it took a long time. The other reason why they don't have good explanations is simply because I don't have an explanation other than the fucking sound.

Hopefully some people agree with me on at least some of these songs. If you don't know them, and want to see what I mean when I say they remind me of Halt in some way or another, I'd reccomend litsening. Especially The Fratellis. They're a good band and they don't have enough love. They are very underated and under appreciated. Just keep in mind that basically all of these songs are rock songs.

If you do end up litsening to them, and you do end up liking them, can you let me know somehow? I just like knowing that people lke the same songs as I do.

Anyways, that's part two, next week I'll post part three.

[2o3dinge]

This is so raw in my brain so it may not make sense but as a Farrelleto believer since 2013 when I had my ATG unit in my sophomore history class, seeing Colin talking about James really... Explains shit to me. Like Jared is STILL singing about the only true love he's ever had. And it's clearly the past. And there's still AtG vibes on his albums. And any other love is so poppy and vapid and superficial. Like Colin was the only real love for him. But I think I finally have a theory on Colin. Colin had to prioritize James and everything that came with giving a disabled child a safe and stable childhood. Jared wasn't, and has shown time and time again, that he wasn't ready to settle down and possibly come out. I wonder if, looking back, that was the crux of their failure. He gave Jared chances, they were off and on for so long, but Jared chose his status quo life over what Colin, and more importantly, what James(And little Henry) needed.

And from the songs, it doesn't sound like it was easy for Col. To give Jared up. We know how he looked at him at that awards show. We know they will do anything to not be at the same event. I feel like I need to relisten to all those songs again. But I know Never Not Love You is undeniably about Colin. Lost These Days is probably too.

And maybe I'm wrong. I doubt it's the full reason. But Colin had to mature. Jared, in turn, turned even more immature. And hearing how Colin matured makes the gap between him and Jared seem like a galaxy.

Sorry for the wall of text. I just feel like I unlocked something in our world of what-happened

I'm happy to read from a fellow long term FL believer! :)

So I guess you know your stuff well. Thank you for this message. Your theory is totally plausible. With the latest interview and all the ones that came before when he stressed James' importance on his journey to sobriety, even survival, after his 2005 OD.

There's this intense interview from April 2009 "The meaning of life with Gay Byrne" you can find on the rte.ie page and around 16:10 he says something like "people that were in my life at the time [thought I might die]" - this wording is curious. He isn't referring to his siblings, and I don't think it sounds like he's talking of friends, because he doesn't say "friends". Instead, he talks of "people" that were obviously close enough to be very worried about him dying, but who aren't close to him anymore at the time of the interview... I thought a lot about where Jared was in 2005, when Colin was shooting Miami Vice in Florida, the Dominican Republic, Paraguay and Uruguay and spiraled, and if he was trying to intervene. Songs like "Rescue Me" give the impression that he's generally up for tasks like that, don't they? They must've been close friends still at that time. It wasn't even a year since the Alexander premieres. According to some people, they were actually really close for a brief time... was Jared helping, was he not? Mars was playing this The Police cover a lot throughout 2005, "Message in a bottle", and I just can't not relate it to Colin. This is Colin's situation. Jared played this mostly in 2005.

Honestly, I think Colin still struggled for the most part of 2006 to find balance and stay sober. During this time the band took off, and with Jared less involved in Hollywood and focused on commercial success with music and Colin finally buying a home in LA, fighting to save his career and be there for James - maybe things naturally drifted apart? It's still remarkable that they both were in China around the same time that year.

2007 - difficult. Colin had this much younger girlfriend for several months. November-ish of 2007 - Jared was shooting Mr. Nobody in Berlin and wrote "Hurricane", whose title sounds like a throwback to 2005 and Florida, and which speaks of a relationship that's pretty messed. He sounds vulnerable, depressed.

Early 2008 Jared was quoted in an Irish newspaper that he "considered [Colin] to be a good friend" and that he hoped to hang out with him in Dublin when they played their concert there in January. Actually they played two gigs in Dublin, one of them was the whole "A Beautiful Lie" album from beginning to end. They did this two times, first in Dublin, and after this in London. Make of it what you will :D However, despite Jared's statement about their friendship, they absolutely shunned each other just days before the Dublin concert, when they both attended the Sundance Film Festival, where Colin had some kind of career revival with In Bruges. They were present in Park City for several days and weren't once spotted together, despite allegedly being "good friends". That was the last time Jared ever mentioned him publically. 2008 turned out to be an eventful year for both of them. In March, Mars played in South Africa, and Jared said he wrote a part of "Kings and Queens" there. And this song has that one line that says:

Into the night Desperate and broken The sound of a fight Father has spoken

The "father" line always reminds me of what you expressed above, the prioritizing of James, and later Henry, whom Colin fathered early 2009 with ABC. (It's a little messy though, this timeline, because during summer of 2008 he tried to convince his then girlfriend EF to get pregnant - did he tell J about it?) Given FL was still somehow "on", I do believe it was a major rift in the FL relationship. How could it be otherwise?

And maybe I'm wrong. I doubt it's the full reason. But Colin had to mature. Jared, in turn, turned even more immature. And hearing how Colin matured makes the gap between him and Jared seem like a galaxy.

Oh yes, definitely! Especially after the Oscar, like a relapse into adolescence.

Like, Jared is STILL singing about the only true love he's ever had. And it's clearly the past. And there's still AtG vibes on his albums. And any other love is so poppy and vapid and superficial. Like Colin was the only real love for him.

Omg this is so true. It's so obvious. Like, how isn't that obvious to someone with open eyes and ears? The AtG vibe was defining the music over 10 years, and now that it's fading he seems uninspired, as if he doesn't know what to sing about anymore. Colin was the lyrical "you" he addressed, for years. Cameron meant a lot to him too, I believe. But Colin's influence was and is all over these albums.

This reply became too long. :D It would be nice to read more about your thoughts on the songs you mentioned.

[wozman23]

Our Tastes in Music Related to Time

My gym, thankfully, has started switching up its playlist periodically. It used to be like 95% pop/rap/hip hop that was repeated everyday, like clockwork, ad nauseam... But they've started including some rock. They seem to favor quite a bit of 90s to early 2000s stuff. It reminds me of how I feel like I have a pretty good grip on artists and albums post-2000 rock (Linkin Park and nu-metal onward) when I started listening to the genre, and classic rock all the way up to the 80s (CCR, The Who, Rush, The Police, Cheap Trick...) but when it comes to the 90s-2000 stuff, I feel like I only know songs that got major radio airplay. In those days of my youth, music didn't play as big of a role in my life. It wasn't as important to me as it is today. So I mainly just listened to whatever was on the radio in the car, or whatever my dad was listening to. But at a certain age, I began to explore the world of music for more than just what was being piped into my ears via FM radio. And I became a rabid fan of rock. Yet I never explored those years much more.

A similar thought occurred to me a few month back when I went to a concert with someone and saw Cold's anniversary show for the album Year of the Spider. She stuck up a convo with this hardcore Cold fan who was about our age. He was so passionate about the band and that album, which I know but a few tracks from. So why do we gravitate towards particular bands or albums? What made him a massive Cold fan and me a massive Linkin Park fan during those years? There's so much music in this world, and practically every single artist means something special to someone. Do we miss great things merely based on the time of or our upbringing, or even just the changing of ourselves over the years? Do we even just overlook things while they're around? That feeling happened again when one of my clients gushed about seeing Breaking Benjamin, another band who has some singles I really love ("So Cold," "Diary of Jane," "I Will Not Bow"...), but I never really gave a deep dive until recently and found the beautiful "Evil Angel."

I know I've certainly missed or underappreciated bands over the years. If you asked me my two favorite bands, they're Rush and Fair to Midland. The first of which, I actually disliked until I really began to understand their music thank to the Rock Band video game. And the latter of which I knew of while they were active, but then kind of stopped paying attention, only to become infatuated with them years after they disbanded.

So I wonder what else I'm missing...

Tonight, my Spotify Discover Weekly playlist started off strong with Chevelle, a band I've always liked conceptually, but never really given enough time to to fully appreciate them. Then later, it introduced me to a 3 Doors Down's deeper cut, "Duck and Run," and boy does it slap! The aggression in it made me double take who it was by, and the message resonates possibly even more today. So then I listened to The Better Life in its entirety. What a strong album!

Now I probably do know most band's singles from that time period. I've always appreciated the singles from bands like 3 Doors Down, Third Eye Blind, Matchbox Twenty, and the non-number bands like Goo Goo Dolls, Our Lady Peace, Smashing Pumpkins, Cranberries, and Vertical Horizon (especially when they worked with Neil Peart). But as for listening to entire albums by any of them, I'm not sure I ever have in any of those cases. Yet two of my favorite songs ever are probably "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls and "Innocent" by Our Lady Piece. But I also feel like they exemplify why I've never taken the time to fully appreciate that phase of rock. When I think of that time, I think of slower tempo songs, and emotional songs. So it was nice to see “Duck and Run” poke holes in that logic.

Now if you've got some albums you recommend, send them my way, because I plan to spend a bit of time in the 90s and early 2000s for a while. I'll try to tell you what I think of that band today, then what I think of the album once I give it a proper listen. And if I can repay the favor with a recommendation from something from my world: current bands that I really do appreciate right now include: STARSET, Voyager (from Australia), Lions at the Gate, VOLA, Maraton, 10 Years, Mass Sky Raid, Pure Reason Revolution, Cage9, We Are The Catalyst, Nothing More, and Greywind.

[hummelig]

fandoms & growing up

Soo. I am not really sure if that will make a lot of sense, but I think I'm now kinda able to verbalize these thoughts and feelings I've been having for well over 2 years and it would mean the world to me if there's someone who can relate to that.

So, as a lot of tumblr users, I got into fandom culture pretty young (like 11 years old). And at that age, you get easily influenced by everything and your mind just fixates on stuff. Like Books, YouTubers, Bands, etc. And as a child, I spent all my free time either consuming content about that thing I was obsessed with, giving other people an hour long rant about that thing, or search the world wide web for people who also like it.

I am person whose most important thing is human connection. I strive for it, I change myself and lie just to receive it (I'm working on that part dw), but I still never was really popular and always felt like an outsider kinda.

But back then it didn't matter to me (I was even proud of it), because being in those fandom groups gave me such a strong feeling of belonging and security, that I didn't need outside validation, I was being appreciated just for liking the things I did. I didn't care that people found me cringe, that I was maybe a bit of a nuisance by screaming "(ship) is real" or singing along to pop songs with their respective tumblr parodies, because the people in my phone thought I was cool and funny and that's what mattered to me.

But then, creepingly, something changes. And you cant really put a finger to it until its too late. Its normal that certain group chats go silent, but you just go look for new ones. Its normal your interest in something starts to fade, but in a week you've got a new show that you're obsessed with and the circle repeats. But searching for new groups becomes less and less a priority in the mess that is your teenage life with new responsibilities and dreams, and you become less obsessed with stuff and over the years you become just a normal enjoyer. If you happen to join fan groups, you loose interest pretty quickly. Talking only about that one thing is boring, people now need more than the same interests to become a friend.

The less internet friends you have, the more you look around yourself in the real world. And while you were so caught up in the magical world of your laptop, others made solidified relationships, went to therapy and overcame their mental illneses, and assimilated to start a good life as an adult. And xou dont belong. You feel alienated, dont really know how to do it like them, and because you didnt care about how you presented yourself, your reputation is already tainted.

(Which is fair in my case, because if I met my previous self I would find her cringe and annoying and overbearing, too)

Now you kinda dont belong in either world. You'd love to go back to your previous stuff; completely loosing yourself in something is such a freeing experience- concentrating your energy on that one thing while also getting a strong sense of community. But somehow you're unable to now, you have so much stuff to concentrate on, so many worries, you're too self aware to run away from your mental problems now.

So you look for community in the real world, but everything there seems too boring for you, you hate talking 24/7 in a moderate way about relationships, school drama, jobs, health stuff. No excited rambling, no ones eyes lighting up when the get to talk about their obsession. But you are also too boring now to be in fan groups or the be friends with people who are unapologetically themselves, because suddenly you care about how people perceive you.

And now it just feels like somethings missing. You always swore you would never be like those adults, who didn't have any strong feelings anymore, just moderance, but you get just like them. You don't get mad anymore if someone disses your favorite show or ship. When people ask you about it, you don't give them a 2 hour rant (powerpoint presentation included), but a short, 2 minute summary, because you know now it might not be interesting to them.

And suddenly you binge cringe compilations, which often consist of fandom people making questionable posts or those who think theyre half animal (not furries, I think they call themselves therians?) and you're like "damn cringe", but really you're super jealous because those people, have something they're super passionate about and put themselves out there. And you feel sorry for being such a hater bc ultimately it doesn't matter if someone runs around on their fours and hisses at people, as long as they're nice.

I mean I still try to seem like my old self, I wear a backpack with anime and meme pins, I start rants, I wear merchandise. But my hearts not in it. I feel self conscious. But I don't know if that's because that identity doesn't fit me anymore, or because Im too insecure and want the rl people to find me.

If I lived in a big city, stuff would be different. There would be rl fandom meetups and I could just look for community easier. But I live in an extremely rural area, I never really fit in here, the internet was my save haven. My school is an hour away, but still really really rural. No fan stuff. Maybe a few people who also were in fandoms, but also kinda grew out ig. I tell myself, when I move away, I will finally find people I belong to. But maybe I've became too boring, too judgy for those people.

For example, Ive always felt drawn to people who dressed really alternative like goths, but I think they could see how insecure I was, how my desire to be liked by everyone often became toxic, and stayed away. Maybe its the same way when I finally get away from here. Will I be able to commit to being with people out of the stupid norm again even though people will find me cringe, and not include me in their social circles? Idk.

And I long for the community I felt back then, made a tumblr, started reading Homestuck bc it was such an internet phenomenon. But I'm only a bystander, I dint have any rants to post about my favorite shows, and while Homestuck is an ok read, I cant nearly get into it as all the others did that read it.

Maybe Im too grown for some stuff now and that makes me sad. I never really tried to be like my fav anime character or roleplayed as them, all things that would make me feel cringe and also kinda bored now, but I wish I had experienced them. I wish, even in my fandom times, I wouldn't have been so insecure to express myself. And now its kinda too late? I am so envious of everyone with cringey phases they can laugh about now, I don't have many because I was too afraid. And Im still too afraid even though I act like I am not and idk. I just wish I was like 13 again.

tldr: I wanna be cringe gain without fearing others opinion but I'm too self conscious and adulting this that I wanna be a child again cry cry

[periwinklepromise]

im sorry if this is too personal a question, and you can feel free to not answer it if you don't want to. i saw the leaving the mormon church post, and how you said you were willing to answer questions.

did you ever have any family members who you still really love, but they left to go on a mission? how did you deal with that?

The post being referenced

You're all good! I don't mind at all. I've got two experiences with this sort of thing, one of which is currently happening.

Sister

My oldest sister went on a mission, but I was still very young, so it didn't impact me very much. Yes, I missed her, but her leaving for a mission was basically the same as her leaving for college, which she had already done (she went to BYU, of course, and we didn't live near Utah). I remember having to memorize and recite a scripture verse for her farewell, and I remember putting off my baptism for a month until she got back - at least, that was the official reason I gave for the delay; really, i just didn't want to get baptized. But her being gone was the easy part.

Her coming back was the hard part. She was so much older than me that we weren't very close, but I could still tell that she had changed. Visits used to mean fun trips and dance parties, and suddenly she was only talking about church and censoring all of our books - she went through every copy of Harry Potter with a Sharpie to cover every instance of Voldemort being called the Dark Lord, because "there's only one Lord." Any time a song said God or Lord, she made us sing alternate lyrics, because "you should only say those names with reverence." It was just annoying and weird.

And I'm sorry if you're asking for a hopeful story, because she never really went back to normal. Twenty years later, she's still all mormon, all the time. I mean, she could be worse - she still speaks to me, and I'm pretty sure she knows that I did officially resign my membership, and I know lots of people who were cut off from all contact with their mormon loved ones after resigning. But she teaches institute classes. She wants to get an advanced degree in mormon theology. This mormon stuff is her whole life, so it can be very hard to find things to talk about. And to be frank, she puts more effort than I do into maintaining the relationship. Despite leaving officially, I still have a hard time being around mormons, because the suspicion of "maybe they're just being nice to get their claws into me" still creeps into the back of my mind.

Parents

My only other experience with a mormon family member going on a mission is actually happening right now. Earlier this month, my parents got their mission call. They threw a big party to announce the details, which I Zoomed in for, because no way am I hanging out with mormons I am not related to. Being in the same space, listening to everyone cheer and congratulate, was bad enough.

They'll be gone for two years (this is uncommon or possibly rare for senior missionaries), and they were called specifically to reactivate inactive and less active members. For never mormons reading, that means they won't be trying to find new converts; they'll explicitly be approaching people who haven't gone to a mormon church in months or years, and trying to get those people to come back. I saw this post yesterday, warning inactive mormons that the so-called church was gonna be stepping up these efforts, and my parents' situation can certainly provide anecdotal evidence for that.

And I don't really know how I'm going to deal with this, to be honest with you. I don't think I'll write letters or send anything to my parents while they're gone. I just don't feel comfortable supporting them in this. And if my sister's experience is any indication, it will be impossible to be around them once they get back.

I've got a lot of doomy feelings about this mission, because I know my mother's faith will not be shaken, and I know my father is the most charming, charismatic person most people will ever meet. He's going to convince a lot of people to go back to church. I know he will. And as a someone who firmly believes the mormon church is a cult (or high control group, if you prefer), that breaks my heart. I know my parents are a total lost cause, but I don't want them hurting other people, and there's nothing I can really do to prevent that hurt.

But I can least talk about my experiences, and hope that helps someone!