#one song was one i found during my trauma. i listened to it a lot back then even though it didnt hold meaning to me until after it was over

[mbat]

and its also a partial struggle that my playlist i made mostly entirely for when im reminded of my trauma is also full of songs i actually really like. so sometimes i wanna listen to it casually but also most of these songs just make me think of my trauma feelings lmao

[bohemianblasphemy]

tumblr is severely lacking in the hughie department ;(( do you have any thoughts on the guy? appreciate it<3

oh my gosh i absolutely agree - i love hughie sm he needs more content on here <3

things hughie campbell would do bc i said so ✨

N/SFW

SFW

- oh my sweet baby hughie, you gorgeous man you would just be the best boyfriend.

- his kisses are sweet and gentle. lil pecks on the cheek every time he walks by you, comforting kisses to your forehead, to your hand - ALL THE KISSES.

- the poor guy has been through a lot. he considers you a safe person that he can go to for comfort. he will tell you about his trauma and by the end of it you’re both emotional and holding each other, reassuring him that you are going to be there for him always.

- he’d bring you trinkets he has found as a sign of affection and you keep them on your nightstand.

- he blushes whenever you’re around him, just the sight of you makes him smile and lightens up his day.

- is a sucker for hugs and cuddles. he loves being held and laying side by side with you, admiring your sleepy face in the morning.

- going to concerts together and being held in this arms during the cute romantic songs.

- he has a vinyl collection and he shows and play them for you. he also has a collection of songs that he listens to when he misses you on missions.

- Hugh Sr. would love you. he’d chew your ear off with stories of hughie when he was younger (much to the dismay of hughie) and he’d bring out the baby photos, which hughie is also mortified of- but he is happy that his dad adores you.

- he is one to take you to an aquarium for a date. he loves watching you stare at all the sharks and rays in the giant tanks. he’d jokingly point at the weird looking fish and go “that one is you.”

NSFW

- he’s a switch, but he prefers for you to take control. he likes to be told what to do and man will he be at your command.

- i think he is rather vanilla in the bedroom, but he is open to trying new things as long as you both are into it.

- he’s always asking if you’re okay, making sure that you’re not in pain or uncomfortable. your comfort is his priority and he will not move until you give him the green light.

- he likes missionary and cowgirl. in missionary he thrives on keeping eye contact, he will not his eyes off and you and likes to watch you cum. in cowgirl, he loves to look up at you in awe, watching you bounce on his and the noises you make.

- he holds hands during missionary. 🥺

- he has a massive praise kink, he needs to know that he’s doing a good job and making you feel good.

- he enjoys when you pull his hair and scratch his back, he enjoys a bit of pain.

- he loves going down on you, he wants to make you cum on his tongue at least twice to savour your taste. he loves when you go down on him too, he softly bucks his hips into your mouth and softly moans and tell you how good you feel.

- WHIMPERS AND BEGS. YOU CANNOT TELL ME HE DOESNT.

[slexenskee]

What are the heroes opinions on No Scrubs music? And are there certain songs that some of the pros empathize more with?

Been pretty curious about this since Erasure and the Detective talked about how there are plenty of off duty pro's in the crowd of a No Scrubs concert.

Ahaha should I just go down the list? Tbh idk if I'll ever get to most of these reactions so it's a good thing this was asked haha

Echo: Biggest stan. He can do no wrong. She was shocked to hear he's Dabi, but also loves the more chaotic No Scrubs songs (I Write Sins not Tragedies, But it's Better if you Do, Jesus of Suburbia etc) and is like, nahh that checks out. Her favorite album is "Good News for People Who Love Bad News".

All Might: listens to them during his hospital stay bc Naomasa recommended it to him (the troll lol). He loves them on first listen, bc he really digs american alternative music and is shocked he's only first hearing them now. His favorite album is Death Before Decaf by a landslide. He worries about his Satoru-shounen, bc some of these songs deal with a lot of trauma. Also is like... wait a minute Semi-Charmed Life is my favorite song and why is it about crystal-meth??? Satoru-shounen?!

Eraserhead: thinks "... this guy has a lot of songs about women, for a guy who historically has never slept with a single woman." His favorite songs are 'This Ain't a Scene it's an arms race' and 'Sugar we're going down', bc he appreciates the irony of some of the lyrics

Present Mic: loveesss the vibe of Glass Onion Heart, as he's a pop-fan. He was really surprised to find Ru-kun and Dabi are the same person, but he respects the hell out of Ru-kun and adores his music and has also mad respect for Dabi after he saved the kiddos on multiple occasions, so he's a major stan. His favorite song is Tokyo, or Moving to New York, bc they both have that 'electropop sound'

Midnight: Her favorite song is Misery Business, or Thanks for the Memories. She's more of a peripheral fan than Present Mic, but she enjoys their music. She adores Dabi/Ru-kun's 'aesthetic'.

Endeavor: doesn't know how to feel. Is very overwhelmed. Somehow he could handle watching his son blow up a terrorist cult on live TV but has heart palpitations watching him perform in a wig and a Sailor Moon outfit. there's too many songs for him to parse out. He tries the acoustic album first because it seems less overwhelming, and it just makes him kind of sad. And full of regret in a way. His son is so talented and Endeavor had always been so full of himself that he'd never realized. His favorite song is No Such Thing - he identifies with it a lot and lowkey hates himself for it bc he 'realizes' how similar he and Touya must be to go through similar circumstances. He also really likes Notion from the same album. He hasn't managed to branch out to the other albums, but he always listens when the songs are on the radio. He only really dislikes hearing Say It Aint So, for obvious reasons, even though the whole alcoholism and step-father thing confuse the hell out of him.

Tensei: Obviously has a soft spot for the acoustic album he bullied ru-kun into making, but his favorite is Good News for People Who Love Bad News, bc that's the album he first found them through and he feels nostalgic about it, but he absolutely adores all the songs/subliminal messages of Death Before Decaf. I'm Not Okay is his favorite song, although it's a tough call. He obviously was the first hero to find out Ru-kun and Dabi are the same person, and he's also lowkey moonlighting as an online forum warrior defending Dabi to his dying breath lol. He'll be very embarrassed if anyone finds out his screen name.

Best Jeanist: Not his kind of music, but he digs the ✨aesthetic✨ and is obsessed with some of Ru-kuns more performative outfits, even the ones that aren't jeans. He's actually a lowkey fan of Mitsuya's designs (but doesn't know his real identity) and can spot one from a mile off. He would absolutely slink up to Dabi at a random event and ask him where he bought his jeans.

Miruko: Also not her kind of music, but once the 'SixWings' stuff drops she's curious enough to give it a listen. She likes Glass Onion Heart the most bc of its more pop sound. She definitely just wanted to be nosey and see if any of the songs were blatantly about Hawks, but is a little confused to see most of them seem to be about women.

Edgeshot: Actually digs their latest album Infinity On High. Has a soft spot for the Green Day songs, Jesus of Suburbia, Holiday, and Hitchin' a Ride - although he's emphatically not an anti-establishment rebel like those songs would suggest lol.

Kamui Woods: Lowkey another major stan that keeps it lowkey like Tensei. Also has a gay crisis over Ru-kun. 1979 is his favorite song. He's unknowingly a Smashing Pumpkins fan, so he likes Today, Cherub Rock, 1979 and Mayonaise.

Hawks: I mean we'll def get his reaction in the fic but yes he's a fan, once he starts listening to it. His favorite is Mayonaise... for what will be obvious reasons... and also Island in the Sun for similar reasons lol. Outside of those he's actually similar to Endeavor (which he doesn't know how to feel about lol) in that the acoustic album is his favorite and specifically No Such Thing and Notion. Although when he turns 23 he changes his ringtone to What's My Age Again.

Not really heroes but do the students count??

Jirou: Favorite song is Misery Business, but her favorite album is Thanks I Hate it Here. She's a massive fan of all their songs, but with her keen ear for music she's especially fond of the really great riffs in Death Before Decaf. Her second favorite would be Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Katsuki: His favorite song to play is Reinventing The Wheel to Run Myself Over, + he likes that song in general bc he just identifies with it lol. He also really likes Homesick at Space Camp, again becuase it's just a fun song to play on the drums. Most repeated No Scrubs song on his spotify is actually My Heart Is The Worst Kind of Weapon from Ru-kun's acoustic album... bc he's a massive simp and is absolutely obsessed with ru-kun's voice. Like he'd buy random super racy bodice-ripper audiobooks narrated in a language he barely understands just because Ru-kun was narrating them.

Hagakure: Immediately downloads all the albums after the news breaks bc she stans Dabi and omgggg he's a sexy rockstar on top of that?! Yeah she's a bandwagonner and she'll fight you about it. She really loves the fun, teenage-rebellion type songs - What's My Age Again is a personal favorite, even though she's not 23 lol. She also likes Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner, a Little Less Sixteen Candles, and Sugar We're Going Down.

Ashido: Fellow bandwagonner who stans Dabi and now stans Ru-kun. She and Hagakure absolutely nerd out and giggle in their rooms listening to their favorite villain/artist, and Jirou sometimes joins them. Yui finds the whole thing embarrassing and pretends she doesn't notice them. She's also obsessed with the acoustic album (thank you Tensei lol) bc she daydreams of Ru-kun one day serenading her with his guitar. She likes the classic Fall Out Boy From Under the Cork Tree teenage-romance-angst-drama songs, Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner, a Little Less Sixteen Candles, Sugar We're Going Down + Thanks for the Memories and This Ain't a Scene from FOB's Infinity on High.

Uraraka: feels like she has to get into it bc all the 1-A girls are into it now. She's too embarrassed to ask Yui about it directly the way Ashido and Hagakure sometimes do (Yui usually just hedges the questions off) but she always listens to the girl's answers whenever they do. Her favorites are Dance, Dance and Tokyo.

Tamaki: had totally been a fan before realizing Ru-kun and Dabi were the same person, had the usual gay crisis about it, was mortified to realize he'd made such a terrible first impression on one of his favorite artists and goes on to sulk in a corner for a lil bit but gets over it. His favorite song is My Own Worst Enemy, just loves the all around vibe. He also really likes Jesus of Suburbia and Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Mirio: Had heard of them bc of Tamaki, but had never gave them a real listen until after the news dropped. He likes a classic rock sound so his favorites are ones like Cherub Rock, In One Ear, and the assorted Green Day songs. He also loves Dance Floor Anthem though, just because it's such a fun song.

Nejire: Same as Mirio, it's not really her usual bubble-pop so she's heard of them through Tamaki but otherwise has never really listened to them. Accordingly she likes the acoustic album (omggg Ru-kun's voice is so sexy ~) and Glass Onion Heart's more pop-ish songs like Dance Floor Anthem, Dance, Dance and Tokyo.

The general consensus is very "???" and also "man this guy has been through some shit and has some bad vices about it but damn does he have a great voice" and frankly, take one look at him and think he lives a very appropriate rockstar-esque life lol. Ru-kun has definitely given everyone the impression that he drinks/does drugs/sleeps around with a hell of a lot more women than he actually does (or in the case of drugs and women, does at all).

[shippingmyworld]

on the subject of tigerghost song recs may i suggest o sol e a lua by pequeno cidadão 🤲🤲the song itself is in portuguese so i went off the english tl of the lyrics but its so them coded

Okay, so I can totally see how the song is tigerghost coded (especially given how I like to hc Danny as the hesitant one).

But also...hear me out.

Based on how I interpreted the lyrics, I actually see the song as a metaphor for Danny's relationships. Specifically, how grayghost would eventually transition into tigerghost. I'm basing this off of several different translations of the song, but I'm pretty sure this is the gist of it:

The song is all about how the Sun is overflowing with love and willing to give everything about itself to the Moon. But the Moon isn't willing to commit itself to the Sun and wants to be independent of the Sun, rejecting the Sun's proposal of marriage. This plunges the Sun despair, causing it to freeze over. As the ice melts, the Sun floods the sky with its tears. Then, the very last verse of the song is sung in a different voice. This new voice gives reassurance to the Sun, that rejection isn't the end. The proof is in the fact that the Sun still holds enough warmth inside itself to melt away the ice. Yes, the sky may be darkened by the Sun's tears, but someday the Sun will find someone that can match and is deserving of the love that the Sun has to offer. This gives the song a happy ending.

In that way, I believe Danny to be the Sun and Valarie is the Moon and that the last verse sung by a different voice is Manny.

(Also I'm gonna hijack this ask and word vomit about my hc for Danny's past relationships real quick below the cut cus holy shit did this song resonate with my imagination and it's been on loop in my Spotify lol)

SO, armed with that knowledge, I'm here to declare that I believe that Danny fell HARD for Valarie. Like, completely over the top, nearing comical levels of tomfoolery in love with her. Just look at the ferris wheel scene and IMAGINE the amount of effort that must have gone into pulling that off (ignore the fact that Technus was prob responsible in canon).

Teenage Danny was a big-hearted goof, and this was his first real relationship so he wanted to give it everything he had. While he technically dated Paulina for a bit, he doesn't count it since she was possessed by Kitty and the second half of the relationship was him just terrified about her revealing his secret (queue trauma). For Valarie however, she'd gone on casual dates and been in a few semi-serious relationships with other people in school before she started dating Danny. While she found Danny's affections to be endearing at first, he ended up being far more clingy and needy than she was comfortable with. Which meant that the honeymoon phase of the relationship faded a lot faster for her than it did for Danny. Even though it was technically a mutual breakup in the show, I like to imagine that the breakup hit Danny a LOT harder than he ever let on.

Then as time went one, Danny continued to square off with Valarie in his ghost form. And during every encounter he had to listen to her shout insults and just plain vile things at him. It was a complete 180 from the image he had built up of her in his head. It became more than a little jarring to say the least. As the mental damage built up, Danny started to make bad decisions.

Specifically, he noticed Sam held an inkling of romantic affection for him. So, thinking he could rebound off of her to get over Valarie, Danny forced himself into liking Sam in a romantic way as well.

I believe that Danny and Sam's relationship lasted for like 4 months, tops, following the end of the show. Sam would realize that her love for Danny was platonic and not romantic. Danny would be racked with guilt for harboring feelings for Valarie while dating Sam, thus never able to develop true romantic feelings for Sam. However, neither of them really knew how to broach the subject of breaking up; Danny had only ever been dumped before and Sam really didn't want to see her best friend hurt so she spent far too long trying to figure out the best way to go about it. This ended up causing the both of them a lot of frustration about the relationship, until they ended up in a shouting match over something small that resulted in them both revealing that they were thinking about breaking up.

Afterwards, Tucker had to deal with the fallout for a few weeks. He ended up incidentally playing mediator between the two because they refused to be in the same room with each other (not because they hated each other, but because they felt guilty about it). Tucker quickly got sick of not being able to mention Sam to Danny or Danny to Sam, and concocted a stupid but simple plan to lock all three of them in the same room together so that Danny and Sam could talk it out. It worked, surprisingly, and the trio went back to being the best of friends (there were a few bumps in the road and awkward silences to get around but they got back to their old hijinks eventually).

Following his breakup with Sam though, Danny became much more guarded with his affections, and who could blame him? Every time he gave his heart out to someone, Danny ended up hurt. Whenever Paulina returned his feelings, it was because she'd been possessed and it caused his secret to almost be exposed. Valarie, who Danny considered his first love, hated half of who he was and had decided that her hatred for Danny Phantom was more important than her affection for Danny Fenton. And Sam was a case of misplaced feelings that almost resulted in Danny losing a core part of his support network.

So several years went by, and Danny convinced himself that the platonic love he got from his friends and family was enough. Then, a certain charming Mexican dropped into his life and made him start to questions everything 🐯👻

[lilac-set]

Hi! Just letting you all know that you're amazing! Also for an actual question what song pumps you up?

Oh, thank you!! You’re all amazing too! /genuine

Air really likes “candy hearts” and “sparkle queens” by xomg pop, but he really only likes the old versions, they got rerecorded after half the group left and the old ones got taken down, we havent found where to find all xomg’s old stuff yet but we havent really looked yet

Earth is the pretty much the only one that actually listens to music frequently, Water and i 🔥 havent really found our own taste in music yet, although theres a song on Earth’s playlist i really like called “no parallels” by hands like houses. If Water had to name one he would probably say “say you like me” by we the kings, again from Earth’s playlist

🪨 if we’re talking about songs that pump me up, i have to mention “for the glory” by all good things, i used to listen to it a lot but ive tried not to the past year or so, because i dont have a healthy relationship with it. Basically, im not traumagenic, i was born with the body (just like all my sysmates), i dont exist to fulfill a role, but after we experienced trauma i chose to step up as a physical and emotional protector of my system, and then i made that my entire identity and felt like i failed my purpose in life when i failed to protect them, and was just spiraling rapidly downward into self loathing and homicidal ideation, which is why we quit using system roles at all in favor of mbti and still why i dont front that often, despite having fronted almost exclusively for the years prior, during our trauma. Anyway, this song has an easy time sucking me right back into the protector mindset, which is why i try to avoid it. But god its a good song. Anyway, in no particular order i like pretty much everything thats ever been recorded by imagine dragons, sugarcult, the score, paramore, yellowcard, and probably some others but those immediately come to mind, i dont think i can pick a favorite, but i can be more specific if youre looking for recommendations

[v3nusxsky]

The perfect day

——————————————————————————

*Authors note| happy valentines to you all and please be kind, although it's the day for love not everyone has the pleasure to experience this.  Have a lovely day my darlings*

Trigger warning~ past abusive relationships

Prompt ~ prompt 1 (please talk to me) and prompt 99 (I don't want to be me anymore) really need some protective/worried Larissa content requested by my darling idkaname666666 on wattpad

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

This time of year always seems to haunt you. And although you understand it's a day based of saint valentine, really what you were taught to expect from this day was not what you received. Honestly, growing up you'd be exposed to others receiving gestures of love, or quality time together with their significant other. Hell you even got to feel all their emotions, yet never being allowed the same feelings to be truly yours. No all you got was trauma. Now you wish you could say you were rather exaggerating this but no. Not one Valentine's Day had not resulted in something horrid taking place. In fact your first partner constantly reminded you it was to celebrate love. Something she believed you to be unworthy of. So that definitely puts a downer on it.

You found the strength to leave that toxic human and that's how you ended up in Nevermore. It must have been fated that Nevermore needed a teacher to teach creative arts. And you just so happened to have your degree in that specific field. Admittedly, your unique talent of empathy made it the obvious choice. Art is your distraction, your saving grace when emotions become too overwhelming. The interview process went amazingly well, you were interviewed by the headmistress herself. She was a goddess that was for sure, absolutely stunning and had you stuttering over you words with just a glance. Besides her striking nature kindness radiates from her aura. Hell the women saw how nervous you were in her presence and waited to start the interview until you had calmed yourself. And it was her, who called to tell you that it was yours should you still want it. This all happened 8 months ago. How time flys when your having fun.

After spending a wonderful Christmas together and bringing in the new year together with a class of wine, you knew what the next holiday was. During the last few weeks your mood had soured significantly. It was a deep dark juxtaposition to your normal care free and loving personality. A lot harder for you to hide, and even if you did manage to hide it from others, your girlfriend knew. Although she didn't quite understand what had caused such a reaction from you, she knew you were hurting. It's not something that had come up in your relationship yet, and talking about it was way too painful for you. When the valentines dance flyers began to surface so did your night terrors. You stopped joining Larissa in her room and isolated yourself to your own. Not wanting to upset or hinder her in any way. Which is how you came to be in the present moment. The night before the dreaded v day. Emotions running rampant within. And you couldn't even be mad if Larissa did nothing for you, after all you didn't deserve anything and you'd been pushing her away for weeks now.  All you planned to do was sleep the dreaded day away and come back the next day.

Music has always been a coping strategy for you, your nature to feel emotions allowed the words to resonate with you, even going as far to comfort you with the songs soothing lyrics. Which is why you now laid in your bed, sweats and hoodie drowning your delicate form listening to the words pouring from the speaker in the bedside table.

"I don't know I don't know why somethings have to be this way." Caught your attention if your honest, why did it have to be like this. Was this a punishment from those above?

"All is fair in love and war. I can't do this anymore, fooled me from the start" well that was most definitely true. She had wooed you with the sweetest melody's of her words, only to rip them away so cruelly. Tainting the day for you forever. You knew that as soon as the clock struck midnight you'd be swarmed with the puppy love from the students in the close raids of you. You can't do this again this year.  It was the knock at your door that caught your attention. You weren't expecting anyone. Hell, it was after hours students should be in their down periods before lights out. That only left one person who'd be visiting you. The one person you'd been actively avoiding.

You didn't even need to open the door, you could feel her. Concern and confusion radiating from her, she entered the room cautiously unsure of what would greet her. And you could feel the heartbreak as she laid eyes on you. Curled up in bed, baggy clothes and tears streaming down your cheeks silently. When did you start to cry? "Oh darling, what's wrong my love?" She murmured making her way to you, wanting to gather you in her arms and protect you from whatever was bothering you. You seemed so small in the bed being swallowed by the covers and your clothing. It was truly a heartbreaking sight.  You allowed the taller women to shift into the bed and gather you in her arms. Your head now resting over her beating heart, you felt the sobs leave your body. Harsh sobs but no sound followed them. You hardly noticed the music being shut off. "Oh darling, please talk to me" she murmured into the room. You tried to stutter out you were fine but the sobs betraying you, you laid in her embrace gasping for air in an attempt to respond. Immediately you felt soothing fingers scratching at your scalp. She always did this, it soothed you in such a unique way, something you haven't experienced until her. The silence was soothing. You could feel your girlfriend trying to radiate calm and love into her aura causing a little smile to grace your lips. She was always so thoughtful about your ability.

"I don't want to be me anymore" you whimpered out almost so inaudibly you were unsure if she caught it. You nuzzled further into her, effectively hiding in her neck not wanting to seem anymore weak than you did already. "Darling? What's causing such a distress for you? I don't quite understand my love. Why don't you want to be you no more? I adore you darling" she reassured you never stopping her comforting actions. And that's when you broke down in her arms and explained everything. She was amazingly patient with you, when you'd trail off into thought or when you'd pause overcome with the emotions that came with the story. Your guard wasn't as strong as normal and some of the emotions ended up being projected around the room. Yet your tall goddess handled it with grace and reassured you that it was okay. You were safe. And she was here. She held you till you cried yourself into an exhausted slumber.

When consciousness returned to you, you felt well rested for the first time in weeks. Immediately you noticed the lack of your girlfriend, sadness hitting you quicker than a lightening strike. Had you dreamed last night? Before you allowed your self to wallow in what you thought would be another hellish Valentine's Day, a knock to your door flooded the room. Curiosity got the better of you and you trudged your way to the door yanking it open, only to be met with nothing. Well not nothing. Glancing down at your feet you noticed something. A weathervane coffee cup and a white bag sat there neatly waiting to be picked up. A small note attached to the cup.  Quickly re entering the safety of your room you allowed yourself a peak into the bag. It was only your all time favourite pastry. And the note causing a smile to grace your lips.

My darling Y/n...

Someone as special as you deserves to be treated as though they are royalty. I hope you enjoy your breakfast my darling girl~ L.W finished the press of her lipstick covered lips.

Tears sprang into your eyes, this was a feeling like no other. She'd taken the time in her busy morning routine to do something so sweet for you. Your brain struggling to process the fact that it was just for you. You decided to get yourself ready. Not for you but for her. Hoping to be able to repay her for such a lovely gesture. Little did you know that was just the beginning. All throughout the day, little notes were delivered to you in various ways. Some even coming with little gifts attached. You loved them all, but one of your favourites was the ones that Enid and Wednesday delivered to you. Wednesday held a single red rose keeping her usual demeanour while Enid was practically vibrating with excitement holding a simple note. Taking both and thank the girls you glanced over the note and smelt your rose before continuing with your class.

It was the end of the school day, you had yet to see your lover. The desire and need to thank her for such wonderful, thoughtful gestures was overwhelming by this point. Of course you'd attempted to find her however, you were suspiciously unsuccessful. You settled down to finish your grading and filing and got lost in it. Only when a knock to your door came did you realise how late it had become. Once again there was no one there but a note. This note shorter than the rest but sighed in the same way. This note held one simple instruction. Which you immediately scrambled to follow hoping it would lead you to your lover.

The door to her room left open as a silent invitation, you slipped in and shut the door behind yourself gasping in shock when you turned around. The usually simplistic room was now sporting a deep red theme. String lights and candles providing a comfortable lighting and setting the atmosphere perfectly. Red heart shaped balloons floated along the ceiling, rose petals creating a path from the door to the bed and the bed to the bathroom and covering the bed spread in an intricate yet beautiful pattern of your initials. Tears sprang to your eyes and began crusading down your cheeks.

You made your way to the balloons dangling above the bed, taking time to carefully examine every one. This was like nothing you'd ever experienced before. There was a reason why Larissa loves you accompanied with a picture of either of you or ones together. Even a few canid ones that you had no idea she'd caught. It was only then that slender yet comforting arms wrapped around your waste, her voice wrapping around you. "Y/n, my darling please don't cry my love"

"Larissa, this is just" you trailed off not being able to find the words, but pushing your emotions into the room. Allowing her to feel everything you felt which resulted in a shiver from the older women. She then took your arm and guided you to the bathroom to see a bath drawn with rose petals and candles. Two big white fluffy towels resting on the sink waiting to be used. Larissa decided to help free you from your clothing, taking her time to bestow sweet kisses to every inch of your exposed skin. Ensuring she whispered a string of compliments with every kiss. That was how you found yourself settling in the bath, your back against your lovers front while her arms wrapped around you just soaking in the moment. "Happy Valentine's Day my darling. I hope you truly know how much you mean to me. You deserve to be treated like this and so much more my love" she whispered pressing her lips into the crown of your head. You were highly emotional. This was everything and more to you. Something you'd never imagined you'd receive in your wildest dreams. Overcome with emotion you opted to turn and bring your lips to hers in a loving kiss. "Thank you my darling Rissa, I love you more than words can explain, thank you for showing me what a beautiful day this can be. I regret I haven't be able to shower you with the same love my darling" you whimpered  hoping to show how much you truly adored this goddess. "My darling your happiness and love is all i need" she reassured and held you more securely, "now my beautiful one please rest" and that you did. The most perfect night, more than you could ever dream for resulting in you falling into a peaceful slumber in Larissa's arms.

Word count ~2168

*Authors note~ I hope you all had an amazing day today. It's such a hard day for myself so writing this is purely self indulgent of me. Everyone deserves a Larissa to spoil them*

[savage-rhi]

For the WIP meme:

I wanna hear abouth this "Echoes" Story you are writting. I always am a sucker for a good zombie crawl.

@groovytimetravelflower

I don't have this story fully fleshed out, but these are some of the concepts I am working with:

The main character is Sadie Hartman. At the start of the story, its about 2 years into the outbreak and most of the towns, etc. are empty due to people having turned or they evacuated. Due to civilization in her area collapsing, she doesn't know if there is any life outside of Vagabond Valley, her region. Sadie has heard rumors about other states being safe from the outbreak, but the powers that be are keeping her region quarantined from the rest of the world.

Sadie needs glasses and or contact lenses to fully comprehend her surroundings. She's been without for almost 5 months and has had close calls with the Sals, and her right leg is healing from a fracture.

The Sals are the "zombies". They are natural parasitic amphibians (salamander like) to the region, but no one knows where they came from. As far as Sadie is aware, they spread via contaminated water; people accidentally ingesting the eggs.

There are two kinds of Sals that Sadie is aware of: the Screechers and the Lurkers. Screechers have the ability to "mimic" humans or try to tempt survivors into aiding them (screaming like children or babies, calling out someone's name etc). Lurkers are naturally mute and most are blind, but they have something akin to echolocation (they "tap" or "hit" things and listen to where sound bounces off from). Either of these two can end up becoming a Breeder, and these actively seek out certain humans so they can deposit their progeny. They're the most violent and their intelligence is high.

Aside from the Sals, there are small groups of people who are a huge threat to Sadie.

Jude, Maxwell, and Lucy are other characters essential to the plot (also named after Beatles songs)

The region and outbreak location is based on the PNW, towns, and areas where I grew up.

The Sals are metaphorically based on how I visualized my own trauma from violence and sex. I put a lot of my own pain into the story.

There are funny moments in the story, but it has some really, really, dark moments.

The snippet I'm sharing is some texts from notes Sadie later finds in the story as she unravels a potential possibility as to where the Sals originated from (kind of a homage to RE's "Itchy Tasty"):

4/18/2019 I originally interned because of my interest in the lichen growing within the caves, but the little guys have started to grow on me. Prudence being passionate about them has also left an impact. Her field of study is animal behavior in environmental situations. She’s been documenting more of the strange phenomena the animals have been exhibiting. Come to find out some of them are more attracted or fixated on members of the team than others when we go venture down to collect and document.

4/23/2019 I recently found out Caleb has been sneaking one of the little guys bits of doritos. Had to scold him for it, so that Professor S didn’t knock his skull. Some part of me believes maybe that’s why they've been fixated on us, because they were being fed by someone. Prudence was inclined to believe that too. It didn’t however, explain the stalking behavior. The last time Prudence went down, she told me that one of them was being stealthy in the water as it followed alongside her path. Every time she turned to look, it would quickly hide as if not wanting to be caught while it watched her. Predatory animals do that. Humans not wanting to be seen also do that.

4/26/2019 Last night as I slept, one of the containers fell off the ledge near my shelving unit where I had them all and shattered. Given the height, I’m shocked I didn’t wake up to the impact. There was no trace of the salamander, nor signs that it was injured during the fall. I searched everywhere this morning for it, but no luck. Had it somehow gone through my window?

4/30/2019 I feel like a jackass, not being able to help out with our packing for the trip to campus, but my body feels like crap. When I peed earlier before snuggling into bed, there was blood in my urine. As soon as I can get into town I’m going to the hospital.

5/3/2019 Three god damn days and I can’t stop itching. My skin keeps bubbling like I have blisters, and I’m constantly drinking water, or I’m underneath the shower head. The dehydration feels painful like I’ve never had been quenched in my life. Doesn’t help that I think I’m beginning to get cabin fever in my own room. Luckily, no one else is going through what I have. Jesus, maybe the toxins from Sunstone got me? I’m beginning to think this isn’t a normal case of the flu.

5///6?8?--2019 Can’t sleep. Two more showers. Masturbate, and catch a whiff of the air. Itch my body, wrap myself in blankets, and shake. I now have heartburn, and sharp pain in my back. I never had a spinal tap before, but this is an equivalent I guarantee. I can’t stay here anymore. I have to get to a doctor.

5????2019 Professor S smells bad. Very bad. Made me throw up. He came into the room. Had to get rid of it. Smashed his head into the bedpost. Make it go away. He stinks but he’s also tasty. I bit him. It was good. Smelled Prudence. Want to fuck her. Caleb too. First I eat Professor S. Very hungry. Killed Anderson. He looked at me weird. Felt a threat. I’m not alone. Hear something. It’s inside me. It’s inside me. Water. Tasty water. Prudence. Prudence. Prudence. Caleb too. Caught both. Feels good. I. Eat.

[mischiefandmedicine]

Very Full - Chapter 13: Melara's Daughter

Summary: Saoirse recounts a memory from her life in the Avengers compound.

Word Count: 2,672 words.

Chapter Warnings: Health problems, injury/trauma.

Soundtrack Link

This Chapter's Music Inspiration:

Savage Daughter sung by Sarah Hester Ross

Very Full MASTERLIST

Previous Chapter

A/N: As per usual, I just want to say that I do not own the rights to the lyrics. I did, however, imagine that Melara wrote this song, because the lyrics fit so perfectly into hers and Loki's story.

Let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist!

---

Back at the end of time, amid the cosmic serenity, Saoirse and Loki found themselves adrift in a sea of memories once more. The air still charged from their heated exchange and the recollection of the dawning of Melara’s extraordinary gifts. Saoirse, her gaze piercing the veil of her father’s stoic façade, spoke with a voice that echoed with fondness.

“The Avengers compound…I was a baby when we first went there?” she asked, eyes alight with warm memories of the past.

Loki could only bring himself to nod in response.

“I have so many memories of the compound…mom’s check-ups…and then she moved us there towards the end. But you…your presence was…sporadic at best,” Saoirse mused, the words painting a picture of a childhood mosaic, rich with vibrant hues yet shadowed at the edges.

The ghost of a grimace transiently marred Loki’s face. “Saoirse…the compound was a sanctuary of sorts for your mother, a citadel of science and sorcery intertwined. As for my own absence, it was a necessary evil to support your mother’s healing,” he murmured, his words heavy like stones in a velvet pouch.

With a brief pause, he continued with a smirk. “Besides, haven’t you heard the human expression that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’?”

Saoirse opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out, realizing Loki’s innuendo. “Oh, gross! Really?!” she shouted, an amethyst-colored glow emanating from her eyes.

Loki held up his hands in acquiescence, attempting to mask his laughter.

“Anyway…the compound, it was a world unto itself, yet. They helped mom a lot, the fortress of heroes that they were in so many ways. And then there was Clint…,” she reminisced, a smile curving her lips. “He didn’t look at me and see just another responsibility or duty; he saw me. He looked after me.”

Loki’s expression tightened imperceptibly at the mention of the archer. “Barton…of course,” he acknowledged, the tone laced with a complex blend of respect and a simmering disquiet. “And during those times, what became of your mother? Was she not your anchor?”

Saoirse’s eyes glimmered, “She was…always fighting, always strong. But her music was quieter, and her flame…it flickered without you there. Clint, he…” her voice trailed off again, laden with an unspoken gratitude for the man who had unwittingly stepped into a void.

The god’s gaze drifted, lost in the whorls of time. “He didn’t…” Loki began to wonder.

Knowing instinctively that Loki’s question would be about Clint’s relationship with Melara, “Not that it would be any of your business, but no. He knew I was your daughter and he knew about you and mom. He didn’t dare,” Saoirse spat. “Besides, he was married and had a family himself.”

“Ah…well, I remember the songs she wrote back then. The ones in recovery; they spoke of resilience. Of triumph and loss in equal measure. Yet, I could only listen from afar. The complexities of the timelines…they demanded sacrifice.”

Saoirse’s posture stiffened in her seat, her earlier warmth giving way to a frost that crept into her tone. “You keep speaking of sacrifice, yet it was always her strength that held us. You say you were there, and I want to try to let that in, but it was Clint’s stories, his laughter, and his protection that filled my days. Why, Loki? If you cared, why were you so distant then?”

Loki, for once found himself ensnared in his own labyrinth of truths and half-confessions. “There were reasons, threads of fate too perilous to tug. Your mother’s burgeoning power, it began to…distort the fabric of reality. My presence there, it would have risked far more than you can imagine. The branch of your timeline, it…it began to overshadow others. I had to step back to preserve the balance.”

Saoirse’s eyes, once reflecting the stars, now mirrored the storm clouds of a brewing tempest. “Balance? While we lived in uncertainty, you balanced equations of what?” Her words were sharp, each one a barb aimed with precision.

Loki reached out, his gesture a plea for understanding. “It was never about equations or cold calculations. It was about safeguarding the multiverse, and that included you and your mother. I chose the path that ensured your survival, even if it cost us moments…years together. That is the sacrifice I speak of.”

A silence stretched between them, a chasm of years filled with absence and longing. Saoirse, standing at the precipice of revelation, grasped at the threads of her fragmented past.

“You sacrificed being with us to protect us?” she whispered, the realization dawning. “And in doing so, you left a vacancy that Clint willingly filled. He…he never tried to take your place, but in many ways, he did.”

Loki, his heart a fortress besieged by his daughter’s words, conceded, “Perhaps in another life, an alternate timeline, I could have been the father you needed me to be. But Clint, he was there when I could not be. For that, I am indebted to him.”

Saoirse’s gaze softened, the edges of her anger dulled by understanding. “I didn’t come here to dwell on what could have been, Loki. I came seeking answers about the now, about this fire that burns within me. But first, I needed to understand the past.”

Loki, with a solemn nod, braced himself to unfurl the remaining tapestry of their shared history, ready to ignite the torch of truth and illuminate the dim corridors of Saoirse’s understanding. “Then let us journey back, through the annals of time. Let us trace the path that leads to this very moment. Tell me…what do you remember most of those years that I was gone?”

Saoirse leaned back, the celestial dust beneath her forming a cushion as her mind traveled across the years scattered like stars behind her. “I remember the compound,” she began, her voice a river flowing from the springs of her earliest recollections.

Loki listened, his façade muted by the earnest narrative spilling forth from his daughter. He, the weaver of tales, found himself caught in the threads of Saoirse’s storytelling.

“Clint had a way of making everything seem like an adventure. When mom was in sessions with doctors or locked in her own battles, he would whisk me away to spar or even to the archery range. It was like I was the youngest Avenger. I remember the thrill of it all,” she recounted, a smile playing on her lips at the memory.

“He told me stories too, you know. Not of battles and glory, but of life and of loss. Of a family he fought to return to, of a world he hoped to keep safe. And in every story, every lesson, I saw the silhouette of the father I wished for in the quiet of the night.”

A silence fell between them, heavy with the memories that hung in the balance. Loki, once the harbinger of chaos, now found himself in the eye of a storm of emotion he had not anticipated.

“Saoirse,” he said, his voice a low thrum that resonated with the frequency of the universe around them, “your strength is a beacon that not even the darkest void could smother. And it seems to have been forged in your mother’s crucible of courage and tempered by the care of those around you.”

Saoirse turned to face him, “Yes, her fire is a part of me. A legacy that burns within, and oh how I wish she had learned to control it for much longer than she did.”

Loki reached out, a hand hovering as if to touch a star too distant, too faint. “And I,” he said, “am here to listen, to learn, and to finally understand the narrative of the life you led, daughter. Tell me more…”

With a vacant look on her face, Saoirse began telling her father the most vivid memories of those years without him.

***

Within the labyrinth of steel and echoes that was the Avengers compound, a 7-year-old Saoirse sat huddled against the cold, unyielding wall outside the medical bay. Her small frame shook with the silent sobs as the harrowing sounds of her mother’s anguish sifted through the fortified doors. The sterile lights of the hallway painted shadows that danced with the rhythm of her trembling. The episodes of pain seemed to have gotten worse over the years, leading them to take up residence at the compound in between musical tours.

Clint Barton, known to the world as Hawkeye, but to Saoirse as an unspoken guardian of sorts, paced the hall with a furrowed brow. His steps slowed as he approached the weeping child. Kneeling to her level, his voice was gentle, yet tinged with the gravity of the situation, “You shouldn’t be here, sweetie.”

At his words, the air around Saoirse crackled with an energy that belied her tender years. Her eyes, a stormy hue of amethyst, flashed with a ferocity that startled even the seasoned warrior. From the ether, a dagger materialized, its blade reflecting a purple glint – an echo of the power she had inherited from her absent father and had yet to understand. The weapon trembled in her small hand, aimed instinctively at Clint.

His reaction was not out of fear but of concern. His hands raised in a gesture of peace, his gaze locked with hers. “Saoirse,” he said softly, his voice a lullaby amidst the cacophony of her fears and her mother’s screams. “It’s okay, I’m only here to help you.”

The tension held for a heartbeat, two, then dissipated like morning mist as Saoirse’s grip on the conjured blade wavered. The dagger vanished as quickly as it had appeared, leaving only the trembling girl and the man who crouched before her, his eyes never leaving hers.

Clint reached out, his hand steady and warm against her arm. “Let’s find you a better place to wait,” he suggested, “somewhere you can still be close to your mom, but not where you have to hear…”

He didn’t need to finish; they both understood the horrors that lay beyond the door. Saoirse nodded, her tears still flowing but now mingled with a child’s trust in the face of Clint’s protective resolve.

He stood, offering his hand, which Saoirse took with a fragile trust. Together, they walked down the corridor, away from the sick bay, to a small alcove filled with cushions and the quiet murmur of a fountain. Here, the world seemed to soften, the harshness of reality cushioned by the hush of flowing water.

Clint settled beside her, his presence a steadfast sentinel. “Your mother is strong, Saoirse. She’s got the best people looking after her,” he reassured her, his voice firm with belief.

Saoirse nestled into the cushions, drawing her knees up to her chin. “I know. Uncle Bruce helps her every time, but it hurts her so much,” she whispered, her words barely audible over the fountain.

“It does,” Clint acknowledged, not one to shy away from the truth. “But she fights, and she has you, which is the best reason to keep fighting.”

Wrapped in the soft embrace of cushions, murmured a question that had haunted her heart for as long as she had the words to consciously think about it, “Why isn’t he here? Why isn’t my daddy here for her? She needs him…”

Clint’s gaze softened, his eyes reflecting a sorrow too deep for words. “Some questions don’t have easy answers, kiddo. But you’re here, and that’s what matters to her.”

They sat in silence, the compound’s hum a distant thrum. It was no place for a child, but here she was with one of the world’s heroes, wishing for a father who always seemed to have something more important than her and her mother. Saoirse’s eyes, once alight with conjured fury, now watched the water’s dance, finding a measure of calm in its predictable rise and fall.

Clint’s gaze never wavered from the girl beside him. He saw not just the daughter of a powerful yet enigmatic friend, but a burgeoning force in her own right. He saw the flickers of her potential, the nascent strength that would one day be a torrent to reckon with. The way she wielded a blade was a natural skill and it would only be a matter of time before she would best him in combat. The skill of a friend he once knew…

 Time passed, marked only by the shifting of light as it streamed through the high windows. Saoirse’s sobs had quieted, her initial fear giving way to a wearied exhaustion. Clint remained, his vow of protection unspoken but as tangible as the bow he often wielded.

Eventually, the door to the medical bay opened, and a hush descended upon the alcove. Saoirse tensed, her eyes darting toward the sound. Dr. Banner emerged, his expression one of cautious optimism.

“Your mom’s resting now,” he told Saoirse, his voice kind as he stooped to look into her eyes. “She asked for you.”

Saoirse rose, her small hand slipping into Clint’s as they made their way back to the sick bay. The door swung open to reveal Melara, pale but smiling faintly at the sight of her daughter. Saoirse rushed to her side, her earlier fear forgotten in the wake of relief. She climbed onto the bed, her place by her mother’s side a natural fit.

Clint watched from the doorway, his heart a mix of pride and sorrow. He had seen too much of pain and loss, but in moments like these, he found hope.

Melara’s own hand, noticeably charred, found Saoirse’s, their fingers intertwining. “I’m okay, my brave girl,” Melara whispered, her voice a tender caress.

Saoirse nestled closer, her world once again righted by her mother’s touch. “Mommy…” she whispered, nuzzling into her mother.

“Baby girl, sing to me. You know that always makes me feel better,” Melara said as she smiled weakly in her daughter’s direction.

Saoirse knew just the song that would calm her mother.

I am my mother’s savage daughter. The one who runs barefoot, Cursing sharp stones. I am my mother’s savage daughter. I will not cut my hair, I will not lower my voice.

My mother’s child is a savage. She looks for omens in the colors of stones, In the faces of cats, in the falling of feathers, In the dancing of fire, In the curve of old bones. Though she was weak, Melara joined in as Saoirse sang.

We are our mother’s savage daughters. The ones who run barefoot, Cursing sharp stones. We are our mother’s savage daughter. We will not cut our hair, We will not lower our voice.

The next verse, Saoirse sang alone once more, in a whispered hush.

My mother’s child dances in darkness. She sings heathen songs, By the light of the moon. And watches the stars and renames the planets, And dreams she can reach them, With a song and a broom.

Melara closed her eyes gently as a tear fell from her eye. She was exhausted and still in pain, Saoirse could sense it, but she knew that her mother tried to hide it. Still, Saoirse continued to sing until she felt her mother’s tension seep out from her muscles.

I am my mother’s savage daughter. The one who runs barefoot, Cursing sharp stones. I am my mother’s savage daughter. I will not cut my hair, I will not lower my voice.

And with the last words, Saoirse placed a gentle kiss on Melara’s cheek, whispering the words, “I love you, mommy,” before she climbed out of her mother’s bed in the dimly lit sick bay. There were so many questions she dared not ask.

***

“I feel like that was the beginning of the end for her,” Saoirse said softly, an emotionless expression on her face. “She started to lose control of the fire and I know you had something to do with it, Loki.”

Unable to look Saoirse in the eye, Loki’s voice quivered as he said, “I…I don’t even know what to say to that.”

---

taglist: @mischief2sarawr

[cyronite]

hi cy!!!! 🎵 Tell me about 5 songs you actually listen to. Proceed and send this to 5 people 😌🎵

ZIP!! Hello my beloved friend. ❤️❤️ A lot of songs I listen to are in oc or fic playlists lol. Bc I listen to music a lot when writing or working on art. Also so sorry for rambling, I just really enjoy listening to music.

Glitter & Gold by Barns Courtney Love this song. I don't know how to describe it but it gives me such cowboy walking through life kinda vibes lol. It's in Ann's playlist because I think it suits her very well during the era of after order 66 and her being a bounty hunter while finding her Jedi path again. Always loved and listen to this song before Ann too, it just suits her well.

The Mystic by Adam Jensen I like this song a lot. The beat is awesome and very in your face. I love that about it. The song's about the singer's struggles while growing up and living in Boston. A very heart filled and powerful song with a catchy beat. It's also in Ann's playlist.

"i'm yours" by Isabel LaRosa This song is in my Ann & Boba playlist. So I listen to it a lot when writing and working on their fic. It gives such pinning vibes in general. But I like picturing Ann and Boba to it during their "we're a thing but also not" phase. Where they so obviously want each other and where their souls are already intertwined together beyond belief, but are still just crossing that boundary line of being something more. Wanting that deeper connection.

God Must Hate Me by Catie Turner As someone with religious trauma this song really hits it in the feels for me, and the singer just delivers it in such a beautiful and heart wrenching way. The song is about the singers insecurities and how they felt god hated them. I related to the song similarly but more in a queer and trans person with religious trauma way to be more specific, which is how I actually found it because it went around trans tiktok for a bit lol. I was actually Christian growing up. I'm not religious now. I'd consider myself atheist I think. I don't believe in an god or any spiritual being. I just kind of think we were a creation of the natural world and meant to be apart of its life cycle just like any other living creature. But of course even though I don't believe in god now, there's still that little girl in me who never understand why god couldn't make her normal like everyone else. And this song really hits those feelings in me deeply.

The Good Life by Three Days Grace I wasn't sure what song to pick by Three Days Grace because I listen to a lot of their music. I have pretty much all their CDS and have most of their stuff saved to my Spotify. They were one of my favourite bands growing up because there was never I song I disliked from them. Even when they switched singers. I still listen to a lot of their songs, both new and old.

[worldssmallestghost]

Pendragon and being an adult.

So, I've been making a lot of Pendragon Adventures posts while I'm here. I found the series when I was in middle school. I started with the first book and got hooked pretty quickly. I've always been a sucker for, well, for lack of better terms, isekai stuff.

I spent the next few years chasing the books down, being there when books nine and 10 were released. So, if I was a teen when I read these books, why am I talking about them now, as a thirty something year old? I've grown to read more adult series, I've begun even writing my own dark fantasy novel. Why am I here?

I was in a dark place during 2020, but who wasn't? I didn't have much going for me aside from a job that had only one perk; being able to listen to audiobooks while performing my menial tasks. I decided, after finishing A Song of Ice and Fire, that I'd move onto something more light-hearted. In hindsight, yeah, maybe as an adult reading a book meant to deliver darker themes to kids was a bit of a weird decision.

I started listening and begun to pick up on themes I hadn't in my youth. Sure as a teen, I noticed the themes of hardship and found family and friendship pushing through even the darkest times.

But as an adult during these... Quite frankly, uncertain times...

Book six is what made me think. The themes of fascism and disease and humanity's stubbornness in the face of what's right, being blinded by hatred...

I envy my younger self for not being able to identify with those messages. With finding them to just be fantasy elements made to raise the stakes in the story.

I finished Raven Rise recently. I'm on Soldiers of Halla currently.

Ravinia is real, to an extent. Not literally, Halla and Alexander Naymeer and the travelers and Saint Dane aren't real. But the fanaticism? The very real levels of approaching fascism that humanity is speeding towards, despite the fact that some people who *lived through that* are still alive?

God.

I wrote earlier about learning to appreciate Soldiers of Halla's ending. As a teen, I hated it. I hated the idea that Bobby would throw away his friends and memories. I hated that everything had just gone "the way it was supposed to be". I wrote about how as an adult who's gone through some really hard times in my life, I can see why Bobby would throw all that away. Throw his trauma away. He lost a lot, but gained peace. Something I, an adult with stress and trauma disorders, wish I could do.

"Hobey ho" has stuck in my mind all these years as a triumphant "I CAN DO THIS!" hail Mary. As dorky as it sounds, on my wedding day, I had planned to say it in my vows to the person I love more than life itself, someone who has never read these books. Nobody in the room besides me ever had. I wanted to take this next challenge in my life on with the same enthusiasm as an over-energetic aquaneer about to take on a space fascist.

It brings me back to a time I was more care-free, where my biggest problems were if the girl I liked wanted to say she liked me back. While also reminding me of a grim future lurking around the corner, and that there are good people out there who just want the human species to make the right choices.

Once I'm finished book ten, I'm gong to listen to them all again in a row and then leave the series for a while. Until I feel I've reached another turning point in my life worthy of looking back at Bobby Pendragon's struggles through space and time.

I'll ride down the flume again someday and face whatever comes next with two words in my heart.

Hobey ho.

[wutheringmights]

I didn't know that "Crying In H Mart" by Michelle Zauner was a memoir until I picked it up from the library. Somehow that never came up in any online recommendation I saw for it. I also didn't know it was written by Japanese Breakfast. That's cool. I like at least one of her songs. Then I looked up said song, only to realize I was thinking about the Japanese House. I have never listened to Japanese Breakfast. You learn something new every day.

So, this book. It's effective, but I'm not impressed by it. The memoir recounts Zauner's difficult relationship with her mother before, during, and after her death from cancer. As someone who also has a complicated relationship with her mother who also died from cancer, it's difficult to read. There were a lot of times where I had to stop every few pages in order to run through my own memories of shuffling my mom off to the hospital, of watching her slowly and suddenly wasting away, of feeling like a terrible daughter for failing to help her. All of it was familiar.

But if I didn't bring my own experiences to the table, I don't think I would have found the memoir all that moving. The plain speak prose didn't offer any insight I didn't already have about grief and the mourning process. There wasn't an insight I hadn't really heard before. Towards the end, Zauner discusses becoming her mother's archivist, which is the most new insight I found. But it's also only one paragraph.

I also didn't think any of the discussions about culture and identity was anything new, but I am not the expert there. I won't impose my opinion on that. I only have expertise in dead mom trauma.

And maybe that's the problem. My own experiences kept getting in the way of appreciating Zauner's story. I kept thinking about how I wasn't the hero of the story the way Zauner was, or how my mother and I did not have enough time to resolve our differences before she passed. Zauner's clarity and empathy for her mother's faults is in stark contrast to my lingering confusion and bitterness. I feel an affinity for the way my art has also been shaped by my mother's death, yet I also feel jealous for my lack of grace and emotional maturity.

I think if someone has never had to tangle with the very specific grief of the mother you had a complicated relationship with dying abruptly, they might gleam more from this book than I did. They could appreciate it more. Me? I already know how ugly grief is. I know the terror of watching my mother die. Reading this book didn't really give me a new perspective on either.

I read a review on Goodreads that said that the story works better as a series of connected essays as opposed to a cohesive novel. And, yeah. That's a good way of putting it.

It's a 4/5 for me.

[truthfuladult]

As a late bloomer, at the age of 30, I gave my first blowjob. I want to preference this with everything was consensual and safe.

All I can do is process all of this. I think this is the harder (pun not intended) part of being a late bloomer. Am I supposed to be embarrassed? By not knowing how to do this? Well no, but the inner self of my mind says otherwise.

I have religious trauma that impacts a lot, but in this moment, something was different.

I wanted to watch a movie with you, no insinuation but clearly things shifted. I think its still hard to believe you could want me. I’m a plus size girlie and while I’m okay with my body which took a long time to learn to love, I am not sure im okay with it in others presence. But you didn’t seem to care.

You picked me up for boba, and you held the door for me. You held the door for me every time, and I feel like you would have open the car door for me if I had waited.

You asked me if I wanted snacks for the movies, I was okay, but you wanted some so we went. (The last date I was on, at the end he took me to the grocery store which was weird and bought groceries). This was not that. You got me involved and wanted to buy snacks I liked for the movie we were going to watch. I said we should get you snacks because I wasn’t that hungry. But you wanted me to choose to see what I liked. At every turn, what do you like. And when I chose you threw it in the cart. You paid for our snacks and boba.

You pay every time we go out. You hold the door for me. You kiss me on my forehead and you rub your nose with mine. You treat me with romance. I don’t know how to handle that.

I have always been the outsider. I read about romance, I listen and watch love songs and movies. I never thought and had grown to accept that I would never have romance.

My dates before me: didn’t dress up, didn’t insist on paying, didn’t always ask me my favorite things. You treat me so differently. And we have good chemistry.

I like kissing you very much, I like when you kiss my neck. During the movie, I have never seen and it was a favorite of yours. I wanted to watch, but of course when you kiss me, I get caught up in it. Its just so much fun and it makes me feel sexy to feel wanted by you. Though I don’t believe you when you verbalize it, but I feel that for myself.

Long kissed turn to fast kisses, wet kisses, neck kissing to you removing my leggings and panties. Im familiar with this part, but still nervous. As I am bare for you, with my belly showing. Like I said, I have learned to love myself but showing someone my body is such a vulnerable state. You roamed your fingers until they found the spot. Then you flicked my clit. You stuck your fingers into me. This is the part where it usually hurts, but I didn’t feel it. I just wanted more. Lost in the feeling closing my eyes and moaning in abandonment. When opened my eyes, your pants were down and I knew you wanted to stick your dick in me. I had to stop it. I wasn’t ready for that part.

And you stopped, I had to be honest with you and tell you I was a virgin. Thought it would scare you or make you think I was odd. But you said it was okay, that you understood and only wanted to go as slow as I wanted no pressure. Then you voiced you wanted to keep fingering me. And I said yes.

Im okay with under the shirt stuff. Through this the movie kept playing. I may have lost count how many times you put your fingers in me, how many times you flicked my clit. How many times you pumped your fingers so hard I felt an odd sensation in my channel. As Im writing this, I can still feel your fingers even when you’re not here. Nothing felt bad, just different. I could see the look in your face, lust.

You told me you wanted me. Said I was beautiful, at one point sexy, another time hot, and it was hard to believe. But you gave me pleasure, and I wanted to return it. I really did, but didn’t know how.

When I voiced it, you asked me if I ever gave a blow job, no I’ve read about them but have never even seen a penis in real life. “Really? Well do you want to?” And I shyly did. I out my head on your chest as you pulled your dick out. Seen it limp, touched it and felt it hardened. It’s like the books describe it: velvety. I saw the skin move up and down as I stroked it, you said that was normal when I asked. I said men are weird. You laughed at that. I felt the round top, soft. Felt the pre-cum, hot. You said I could lick it. I voiced I didn’t know how. Like a lollipop or ice cream. I said I don’t have a strong gag-reflex and you said that was okay, you didn’t like it all the way in either.

I felt safe with you. So I licked it like you said. I put my lips all over it. Like a lollipop you said, put my tongue in the slit, tasted your pre-cum. I was too shy to finish but watched as you stroked yourself. I got on your lap and kissed you. You fingered me again. Laid me on the couch and really used your fingers.

I took you to my room. No sex, you were okay with that. We made out, you fingered me as I stroked you. We cuddled naked. You were with my body completely naked as you were. We talked, I learned your last name and you learned mine. You said you wanted to bring me flowers on the first date but didn’t want to scare me. A boy has never bought me flowers. I said you’re a romantic person.

Then when we checked the time it was late. I wanted to you to stay but also wasn’t ready for that. You said you understood. We both changed and I put on my jammies and took out my contacts for glasses. You said I looked beautiful in glasses. I smile because i’m awkward. I kissed goodbye.

I replay a lot of this. All my moments with you I replay. I like them, but i wonder if its enough. There’s so much more to talk about. I think I might want sex with you, but I want it to be special and mean something. Will that be enough. I know you like me, you’ve told me so. I like you too, but I don’t know if I could be a partner, a girlfriend, which I know is what you want. I want to move in a few years, this place is all you know. You don’t mention your culture, I bring mine up sometimes. Its important to me. But I guess we have more to talk about.

I think i like you. Im processing how this all works and keep asking myself: is this enough for you for now?

[steelthroat]

6, 4, and 3 for the oc ask game!

Hiiiii and thanks for the ask I'm going with both my tf ocs and my personal favorite Argo... so onto the answers:

3: do they have a love interest and was that their choice or yours:

Argo: no love interests in his current state of being. He doesn't remember if he had one when he was still a human since his memories mix themselves with the ones of everyone he guided (a lot of creatures). Also he's not interested in that kind of thing. He already feels and loves strongly, and he also has a duty Death itself gave to him. The thought of guiding his possible lover towards Death one day would crush him.

Tf ocs:

Flange: yes! Although he usually fucks around he is in a loving relationship (he's delulu) with Wheelpad/Abode. It was not something I chose he did it all himself, he's a menace.

Wheelpad/Abode: Flange has a thing for him and he totally doesn't reciprocate... maybe a little, but just out of pity! That reckless Decepticon wouldn't last a second without him anyway!!!! (It was not his or my choice, Flange was just too powerful to be reasoned with)

Rocker: he was in love with Starship, now he needs therapy before even thinking about pursuing anything. But he's getting there. (I didn't choose anything, they're just made for each other they just don't see it yet)

Starship: "LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!" (you heard them, they're very in love)

Recoil: She doesn't outright reject love... she just- isn't attracted to incompetence, and there are too many incompetents around her... both Autobots and decepticons (she likes mechs with power, active and competent. Ffs she'sa commander not a sparkling-sitter)

4: do they have a best friend? How did they meet? If not why/why never?

Argo: his necronauts are like his famili but it's not like he has a best friend amongst them... it's difficult making connections when you're some kind of undead divinity. Oh... right Salice, another undead cryptid could be considered his best friend... and his pet shark.

Tf ocs:

Flange: EVERYONE IS A BEST FRIEND! (he really believes it... as I said he's delulu)

Abode/wheelpad: he doesn't believe in best friends... they either die or leave or both... you can't have best friends during the war, not that he would ever let someone get too close anyway... but Flange is snaking his way inside his spark somehow. He also met a couple of young bots that became close to him and he cares about them a lot...

Starship: they have Rocker. His other best friends died during the war. They also met this older autobot courier who's kind... yeah he's a friend

Rocker: ditto... but add more trust issues and trauma

Recoil: no. Just- no. Where would she even get one??? The Decepticon high command? His subordinates? The autobots? Come on they didn't even trust her! But maybe she's recently found. A group of mechs who she could call "friends" but the ex gladiator (Flange) is fucking annoying! (Affectionate)

6: what catalyzed their introduction to the plot?

I don't understand this question? Like in my life or the plot shfhgjgjgg I feel dumb wait-

Argo: I don't remember... I don't remember if he already existed as an OC and then I added him to am already existing story or not (like Anubis lol). Btw I needed someone absolutely Op that would help my protagonist and I sdded/created him :D

Tf ocs:

Flange: I needed an OC big like idw Roller that would woul woo a young Megatron.

Abode/Wheelpad: he was the protagonist of his own story... but then I added my other unrelated ocs and stuff is happening

Rocker and Starship were born after listening to a song and they were the protagonist of their own story but then I added them to the big plot with Wheelpad

Recoil: she's cool I don't know we needed her because yes

I hope this last answer made sense wbfhhfjgjg

[cantarella-s]

who’s bianca conchita

OKAY OKAY SO. HAVE YOU LISTENED TO DAUGHTER OF EVIL AND SERVANT OF EVIL? (PERHAPS REGRET MESSAGE TOO?)

BANICA IS FROM THE SAME UNIVERSE! I'll try to be brief here but since i dont trust myself ill put the rest under a cut <3

Content warning for a lot. And I mean a lot of Cannibalism. also mentions of weight. and eating stuff that really shouldn't be eaten

Evillious chronicles is based around the 7 deadly sins (lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, envy, greed, wrath) (the order i put those in is important i promise)

Rilliane's (The Rin from daughter of evil-servant of evil-regret message) (theres more songs to that arc but those are the most popular and. personally not a big fan of twiright prank sorry </3) arc is pride arc!

But today we'll be talking abt Banica, whose arc is gluttony. She's a Meiko module(? i think thats the word) and therefore very pretty <3

She has two songs as far as I remember, first of which takes place during Gluttony arc [Evil Food Eater Conchita] and the second of which takes place after in the. Limbo areas tbh I don't understand how the court and graveyard work </3 but this second song is called Master of the Graveyard

Only one other song from Gluttony arc is coming to mind [Drug of Gold] but i think there are a few more that are somewhat related? Like Hänsel and Gretel's songs mention their incarnations as Arte and Pollo

So! Now that that's out of the way, I'll start explaining her story to the best of my ability (<- went through evillious wikis religiously last year) (sorry vany if you're seeing this i went a little insane back then)

It starts off with people celebrating Banica's birth (she's a future duke! unless im misremembering she got the title of duke and not duchess) with a feast! But the baemu pig they ate happened to have the glass of conchita (vessel for gluttony) in it's system and ended up giving everyone that ate it The Disease™.

this disease (its called Gula) kills them if theyre not full all the time. so they end up eating a lot of fucked up shit (iirc cardboard was on that list?)

banica didnt have gula but her mom still made her eat the same portions as everyone else AND THEN BASICALLY EVERYONE DIES. at some point banica's mom tries eating the corpse of a dead servant when her dad shot her mom.

after the death of her mom banica locked herself up in the food storage basement thing of her mansion :( but a little while later two twin servants appeared, arte and pollo! (they are reincarnations of hänsel and gretel. basically the kind of people that rilliane and allen were supposed to be) she became close friends w the twins and stayed w them basically all the time <3

basically arte and pollo were introduced to banica by her dad or some other surviving servant. timeskip a lil and she's engaged to this guy called Carlos Marlon who's a prince. they spoke and she did make a good impression on his parents! yay!

and i dont rmb how true this is, but i do think i read somewhere that carlos commented on her being overweight? sorry i wasnt nearly as fixated on gluttony arc as some of the other arcs

over a bunch of months, they became close and warmed up to the idea of marriage. but like during this time she ate less than usual bc she was afraid carlos would dislike her if he found out what she was like

then another feast. but there was a wine glass. this brought all of banica's trauma relating to the glass of conchita back and she became fixated on the left overs before eating all the food on the table. this then led to her engagement getting cancelled :(

after her engagement was cancelled, she went back to the mansion and she decided to immerse herself in food and food culture. she gained the title of a gourmand in her country, beelzenia! (im p sure its based of spain :3)

she travelled to several other countries (arte and pollo in tow bc ofc <3) to improve beelzenia's food culture! girlboss! she learned abt many famous chefs, one of which was josef crim. unfortunately he's dead :(

copy pasting the next para from the wiki -

' Supported by Juno, Banica introduced her ideas to Beelzenia, greatly improving its food culture and adding to its cuisine, radically increasing the domestic foods in the empire as a result. During this period she began developing a new wine, dubbed "Blood Grave", with the cooperation of the local farmers. '

so yeah! things are going great for banica! she even got the formal title of "Noble Gourmand Banica" (gourmand from before was probably more of a nickname)

and then her dad died

sorry queen </3 just like when her engagement was broken off, she found solace in food. around this time is when she got the title of duke. she traveled some more bc she was still grieving her dad when she got the news that one of her loyal servants, Ron, went missing.

but she collapsed when she went back bc of organ abnormalities. when she got checked out by her doctor, they concluded it was bc of her overeating.

but arte and pollo, loyal servants as they are, had been keeping the glass of conchita (that housed the demon of gluttony) with them! and since their master might die soon, they decided it was the perfect time to use it. they kept it by her bedside and the demon started talking to banica.

it told her abt how she'd only eaten half of the world's food and theres sooo much more for her to consume <3<3 she should totally make a contract with it! she wouldnt die if she made the contract + she'd get to eat more and more of the food this beautiful world has to offer

she initially declined bc yknow all of that stuff happened that happened when she was young? she knows that her mom and the other servants died bc of the demon (or more specifically the disease which was caused by the demon)

the demon left but kept the wine glass and said that if she drank from it, the contract would be sealed. -> "The next morning she awoke and saw the glass, realizing it was full of baemu blood when smelling it. Consumed by her curiosity, Banica drank after minimal hesitation, making the contract." [copy pasted from the wiki]

after making the contract, she 'miraculously' made a full recovery! she also became thinner. with her new abilities, she decided to try eating stuff she's never tried.

she held a banquet with her, the duke, as the host. at the end, she asked her servants to bring dessert which included live insects and spiders. [sorry banica but thats kinda gross </3] the audience she had was pretty disgusted but she had fun at least?

some time passed after the banquet and she decided she wouldn't leave the mansion anymore and have arte and pollo manage the estate and her territories. she did it on accounts of her organ abnormalities :3

after denouncing the outside world she used the demon's powers to reanimate the dead bc yes! she reanimated the servants and created an undead army to guard her mansion. she also reanimated livestock to serve as her meals.

after that point she began hiring a bunch of chefs to make her food but she was always irritated at them bc they were disgusted by her appetite. so of course, she had arte and pollo kill and then cook them so she could eat their corpses. girl moment fr

after getting rid of one guy, she hired Josef Crim. but you might be wondering, isnt josef dead??? well. thats not josef. thats Carlos. her former fiance. so at one point she gets drunk and they fuck 👍 she's pregnant now

oh yeah the imperial family's kept sending letters to her but she ignored them like spam callers. so they sent an army! but she has an undead army WOOOOOO!! Carlos-Josef recognized Ron (guy from earlier) and banica told him how she now wants to devour the world <3

carlos was scared so he tried to escape. banica sent arte and pollo to catch him and he gave the excuse of trying to take a vacation but. he's not allowed vacations <3 banica is niceys tho so she didnt have him killed. yet.

a few days later, carlos served her poison soup (that he'd eat together bc dying together is pretty romantic. carlos really was onto smthn there) but she is a demon contractor and cannot die unless its at the hands of another contractor or vessel so. Only carlos died. a shame, really.

banica figured out what happened so since he's already dead, might as well have arte and pollo cook him. nothing like eating your lover <3

fast forward a few months, her baby is born! woooo!!! i dont really rmb what happens next but she does end up eating arte and pollo. in the words of leo, Oh kaito we're really in it now

banica ran out of food and servants. and since she's a contractor of gluttony, she's still hungry. fuck. oh shit her baby's crying. hey. the baby is food, right? she can eat that, right?

so she took a plate out and put the baby on it.

and she was going to eat it but after seeing the kid's face, she decided not to bc thats her kid.

the demon doesnt like that very much and tells her that hey, actually, yknow that poison that guy fed you? yeah it's actually one of the few things that *can* kill you and is actually do it!

basically the poison was shavings of the vessel of wrath (the golden key. hence. drug of gold) and it def can kill her. not sure if it would work as slowly as the demon is claiming, but it would most definitely kill her in larger amounts. and she ate carlos who also had a dose of the poison in him.

the demon said the kid is a 'vaccine' for that (bro thats. Not how vaccines work at all) but she still refused to eat her child. she began to see the demon take shape in her mind and it looks like a baemu pig with bat wings. yeah. sounds horrifyingly disgusting.

so she ate herself! wahoo <3 copy pasting the wiki again

' Exploiting her contract, Banica's consumption of her body allowed her to become a demon herself; gaining all of the demon's knowledge and power. '

so thats technically the end of gluttony arc but she does have more to her story (from Master of the Graveyard and i think a few other songs?) but i dont rmb most of that sorry </3

if you actually managed to read all of that. damn Thank you

[monmuses]

demondads asked: ♪♪♪♪♪ ((go nuts fam!!!)) ; For every ♪ in my inbox I'll post a song I listen to for character inspiration.

I wanna taste love and pain Wanna feel pride and shame I don't wanna take my time Don't wanna waste one line I wanna live better days Never look back and say It could have been me It could have been me, yeah!

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG! first hearing it with watching it for movie night, i became so attached to it for Braelynn because she wants to feel what life is like! she wants to feel every emotion and what it's like to succeed and fail. and i also want to link the scene of the movie here because it serves as importance for her story in her AU of S2 TWAU. she's a performer and sharing her feelings of what life was like is so important to her and showing that she won't ever be held down just being herself.

Exorcists can't save me now I swear to you that I'm fine Please let me die to be found He speaks for me, nerves that I grind Speaking louder in my own voice Blocked by the voice of a demon inside I act coy and I play nice Only to die on the inside

this song is... really heavy. so, regarding Harriet & Elizabeth, this song paints a serious situation in which where they were in an abusive relationship with a man in their years of college. however, this also applies to her relationship to her family; specifically her step-father. she is constantly controlled, held down, and unable to speak. they both are victims of abuse in the most horrific of ways, and Elizabeth was how they broke out.

i also find this song very important because the overlaying of both parts fit how they both speak during the song - they have voices and their own thoughts that overlay with one another. this is what i consider their Jekyll & Hyde song, and it's their attempted cries of needing an escape.

Why don't you get it? Can't you get it? Understand They're gonna execute the mother to elevate the man They're gonna propagate the killer, eliminate the youth They're gonna blind date everyone until you love them too They're gonna blind date everyone until you love them too They're gonna blind date everyone until you love them too They're gonna blind date everyone until you love them

Fran's story is also full of trauma and the sense of isolation from her own community & town. a lot of her story is based on how much the South Park kids treated her during the first AND second game - constantly speaking for her, the anger, the fighting, unable to speak for herself, family trauma; having no identity. her story is full of anger and it's what makes her so dangerous and monstrous. she doesn't know this yet, but it will end up becoming truth later on in her life. this song perfectly describes how angry she is towards her own friends and how they don't know anything but she does.

Watch out, don't look She's your nightmare of a dream Go home, run fast If you don't, she'll eat your heart out of your chest Got your insides on her dress Blood's her favorite shade of red Say your prayers and go to bed

i love this song and for two reasons; it tells a story and it describes Yuri in Act 2-3. she becomes so obsessed and almost demonic in a way with how she shares her love and obsession towards the Player and how attached she gets. in truth, she is much like this with those she loves, and becomes attached in a very close way. however, the mutilating ways in how she shares that love are to a minimum and almost never shown unless the other doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

she would kill for her lovers, and will kill, but in a very fucked up and defacing way where she loses her own identity and only finds solace in her partners.

[blissfullybloomed]

“The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen”- Freddy Highmore, August Rush

Good Morning beautiful people! Everyone loves music….yeah, actually everyone. 

Isn't it the coolest thing when you can find people that listen to the same type of music as you do?

When one person enjoys jazz(my papaw), one enjoys electronic dance music(YALL), one or two enjoy native american flute music(my spa peeps), and some more enjoy Simon & Garfunkel(my old-er peeps.) That's when you see  the universal language of music has now brought together different cultures, ideas, and personalities. 

Music has been around since the dawn of time. It's also evolutionary….Just like we are. We as humans evolve into different versions of ourselves as we grow and mature into adults. Our musical preferences change and grow too. I can't imagine you were listening to Buddy Bolden(African-American jazz pioneer from New Orleans), when you were five years old. If you were…you had some dope parents! Your parents and your surroundings subjected you to different types of music, people and places. You know what's cool though? When you find someone else who also listens to Buddy Bolden…and knows his history- you now have a new friend. 

I have curated sooooo many relationships over music. I once fell in love with someone from Sweden over music….it's an entire feeling yall. He had music I had never heard before, and we bonded over that. Still friends to this day!  When you find the music that takes your breath away, and makes the hair on your neck stand up….that's magic. That's love in my opinion. And yeah…music makes me extremely emotional when it hits right. 

I was in a band (YEAH- Im a total band geek through and through) for eight years. I remember they came in during 5th grade and asked us to try and make noise through all these brass instruments….Im not a brass person…LOL. I found my home with the clarinet. I think I was the 6th generation clarinet player? Fam…help me out with that one. No clue…but the clarinet is cool…I still have a hard time “hearing the beat” when reading music for the first time ....but once I hear the tune, I'm golden. Someone has to play the tune for me to hear….communicating musically…universal language. Music is the best. 

Music has let me live through a lot of trauma in my life as well. I'm sure several of you reading this know exactly what I'm talking about here. If you dont…next time you feel happy, play a sad song…see what happens. Your entire mood shifts. Your brain was like….uhm, HALP! 

This is also where this blog may offend you….hang in with me…

I remember being young in church, standing proudly and singing with my gran and papaw to songs like, “ How Great Thou Art”, and I would secretly stop singing so I could hear them sing together. It is still to this day one of my favorite church memories. Papaw's voice is super deep like the ocean, and gran…your voice is honestly angelic. You two are incredible people. Love you very much. I haven't been to church, or listened to any type of that musical genre since I was young. 

I remember riding to the campground in Bellefontaine,Ohio listening to the emo punk rock band,  My Chemical Romance,  with a friend. We didn't listen to it quietly either. We also were not sober when we would listen to it….at the time…I thought that was the best part. Not being sober, and being able to “lose “ myself in music. I didn't want to be in reality at that time of my life ...loud music got me through though…and so did my friend. Unfortunately, we fell out permanently. We had different paths, and that's okay. In hindsight, we both had each other …through one of the hardest, and unimaginable times in both our lives. Still a universal language, and musical communication. 

I remember hearing a man sing Disney songs in his truck- because he couldn't have know Disney music! I later married that man. He introduced me to Boyce Avenue(cover band), Journey….whew…this one is hard. Damn, I said two sentences, and I forgot how to type.

You got it Vic, keep moving. 

 I remember him acting an absolute idiot singing AeroSmith. This person is now my ex-husband. I fell in love with him over Disney music. The reason…my favorite childhood memory is watching Little Mermaid over and over again until the VHS Tape couldn't play anymore. He knew every word to not just Little Mermaid…all of em. He was a disney fanatic too.  That was all it took for me...I'm not sure he even knows that. I am very thankful for that small gift of musical communication…it united us. We are still supportive friends to this very day. Love you dude. Thank you. 

All of these musical memories have history, language, love, rage and vulnerability attached to them.

Each one a catalyst to the other in my own personal timeline. 

Each is a universal language that someone else understood during a time. 

In closing, music has saved my life more than once. Well cats too, but we aint talking about them yet. If you ever find yourself in the deepest depths of yourself and you feel like you can't claw your way out…try music. Just try it …see if it speaks to you. 

I bet it will. 

“La música es hermosa”

“Muzyka jest piekna”

“Muziki ni mzuri”

Yeah…its spanish, polish, and Swahili….get some education! I'm kidding of course…but while you're still here…go look up some polish music ….it's the coolest! 

Peace!