#and my blog is the walls im writing on

[applejuiceyjuice-art]

PARASOCIALITE MANIFESTO

⚠️massive infodump ahead⚠️

i wrote all that forever ago when i was trying to figure out the dynamic (and after rewatching a stream of the beginner’s guide, feeling incredibly inspired to create a drawing of twitch as a parasocial figure and thought i needed someone on the “other end” so to speak). after writing vol 3, it just sorta fell into place. i was trying not to post too many drawings before it came out 🤭

my original idea was basically the clashing of “someone who doesn’t care about anything” and “someone who cares too much about everything,” which is still true but i really love the added parasocial aspect of it 😁😁😁 and i like opposites attract type of shit i guess

kik wouldn’t even think of twitch as anything more than a basic influencer type until after watching for a good while. at the start, he was only curious, and still held disdain for twitch’s streaming personality. but he likes it when twitch gets mad, so somehow he found himself continuing to watch old streams and new ones.

there’s also a sense of relatability all streamers have, and so for someone like kik, who doesn’t find most people relatable (or tries), it felt even more intense. the fact that twitch is genderfluid, has overlap in their sense of humor, and those random moments where you and the streamer are just… thinking the same thing in the moment, feels like a red strings of fate to kik. donating to get twitch to read her message gives her a major shot of dopamine lol.

things that kik originally disliked in twitch are now reasons why she’s soooooo amazing: workaholic -> talented, trying too hard -> cute. she agonizes over being so attached to someone she once pinned as a normie and over the possibility that she’s being creepy.

deep down kik is a social person, and used to talk to people all the time, only thru the window while rarely meeting anyone “irl.” since amino is the only other person kik cares abt now and they go periods of time isolating itself, welllllll ig kik gets a bit lonely.

from twitch’s perspective, she has been working hard and trying to fit in with the bigger sites as her platform basically became a major trend in recent years. she adores the sleekness and style of celebrity type sites (which is why she thinks yt and insta are attractive) and wants the attention too. just in her own, gamer way.

twitch gets easily swept up in the streamer/audience feedback loop, and hasn’t quite figured out how to create clear boundaries. she could tell right away that kik was a fan by the time they met again. it makes her uncomfortable and annoyed when people idolize her, but at the same time she kinda likes being showered with praise and attention and stuff like that. though she really hates it when kik makes assumptions about her based on their limited perspective, and whenever they say anything self deprecating, so she also uses this as an opportunity to be mean to someone/boss someone around without repercussion.

i specified that this happened during their burnout era because it would be when they make the most irrational decisions and more prone to being mean. before then, they probably didn’t even remember kik’s existence or rejected him. it would take a while for twitch to actually see anything in kik, partially cuz he never talks about himself or his interests, and also cuz he’s just not their type (or so it seems??)

i think that twitch might like kik if she approached her normally, like being bold but not overly obsessive. but then it wouldn’t be very parasocial-ite would it? that would only happen at the very beginning since kik wouldn’t care as much, or the very end after they get past the parasocial aspect of it n are just talking normally.

after the dust is settled, their true dynamic is kik still being mushy/touchy-feely and twitch being awkward about it bc normally she’s kinda adverse to that stuff and would rather it be a joke. especially around other people. kik would bother the fuck out of him in public and likes embarrassing him. this also compounds with kik being the antithesis to the image twitch likes/wants to achieve.

of course at the end of the day they’re just dolls im playing with and i dont necessarily have to stick to any strict timeline or anything lol

dont get me started with the eddsworld polycule thing. theyd all kill each other

[palms-upturned]

PSA

Hello friends, I’m sorry for being mostly offline for a little while, I’ve been struggling a bit. Please rest assured that I’m going to try to get everything running again ASAP, but here’s a short version of what’s going on.

At the moment, I’m unemployed due to my disability and trying to get a lot of things sorted out in the bursts of time when I feel well enough. I am fairly certain that my pain and fatigue is being caused by sciatic endometriosis that was made worse by a covid infection, but it’s going to take me a while to get diagnosed and (hopefully) treated. In the meantime, my pain flareups are unfortunately getting worse and more frequent. What this means is that unfortunately I have stretches of time where I have a hard time talking to people or even thinking straight. Some of the medicines I take for my pain also make me drowsy which makes things even harder on top of it all.

I’m going to continue promoting fundraisers, but I feel very bad that these periods of time are becoming longer and more frequent because every day of fundraising is critically important. So what I’d like to ask is whether any of my friends/mutuals here would be interested in helping me run @vetted-gaza-funds so that even when I’m not well, at least that blog can stay up to date. There are currently over 100 fundraisers posted there, and as more get added, the more time it takes me to update the master list, update urls for users who were forced to remake their blogs, and work through the inbox for new campaigns. Trying to push through on days when I don’t feel well has already resulted in some really stupid mistakes like accidentally deleting the original master list post, and I really don’t want to do something like that again.

One friend of mine has already volunteered to help, which I’m very thankful for, but if I could find maybe five more people, then that would mean one mod for every day of the week, which would hopefully mean that it wouldn’t be too large a commitment for anyone. The more the merrier, basically.

So to break things down, here’s what I would be doing:

Creating a discord server for the blog mods

Looking through the inbox each day for new campaigns to add

Cross referencing those campaigns on master lists/spreadsheets to see which ones are already verified and can be shared

Adding the campaign links, usernames, and other relevant information to a cryptpad document for people to plug into a post/add to the master list

Here’s what I would need help doing:

Making the actual posts on the blog (there is a template in the drafts that I use to make them)

Updating the fund amounts/progress in the master list, ideally every day

If comfortable, briefly answering direct messages to let people know when their campaigns have been added to the blog

Also, so far the blog has just been full of fundraisers for people who have contacted me directly, but if anyone helping with the blog has verified fundraisers that they themselves would like to add, of course that would be great as well!

If you’re interested in helping me out, please dm me or reply to this post! (I’d prefer not to talk via asks because when I answer asks privately I don’t have any record of our conversation and I can be forgetful 😅)

Thank you all 🙏 today I’m unfortunately still not feeling well so I may be slow to respond but I will try to answer messages and get everything set up asap!

[foxcort]

His elder brother stood before him, whole and unmarred, and Tamlin felt as if all the air were expelled from his lungs. “Emrys.” A cruel, satisfied smile curved Emrys' mouth, the verdant of his all too familiar gaze alight with wicked elation. “Tamlin."

[gaylienz]

girl help i'm struggling with the inherent impermanence of everything to the point where i'm barraged by existential thoughts that come off as awfully deep-ressing

[faaun]

hiii my blog is 18+ only :)

[bonestrouslingbones]

suddenly realizing that if i do end up actually following through on majoring/minoring in computer science / graphic design respectively i can never ever tell anyone what got me into it. "oh i made an arg by frankensteining a bunch of custom blog themes together on tumblr dot com for an undertale au roleplay event and realized the html was more fun than the roleplay" just shoot me dead like genuinely

[suffarustuffaru]

i just. remembered again that i have a fembaru fic but also the premise is. Very Messed Up hah and also it was written before the canon genderbent au with its official genderbend names for everyone so its also outdated on top of that T^T i had like. Genderqueer subtext going on too. but i also wrote this fic like almost two years ago and havent touched it in forever so im unsure if i should go back to it…. o.o but i would love to finish it one day if only for my own satisfaction hah… i had a very detailed outline for ch 2 (its a twoshot) and several scenes written already anyway!! (and also i would probably update those names, make minor edits, etc etc hmm…)

[lovesickeros]

you go on hiatus a lot is there a specific reason for that orrrr /gen (hope this doesn't come as rude just curious)

i mean kinda. a lot of burn out mostly because ngl the sagau side of the fandom feels kinda dead these days and i just don't get a lot of asks. id love to post and write more but my motivation kinda dies out quickly now. still keeping this blog up for my fics in case I decide to come back long term or the sagau fandom picks up again ig 🤷

[lo-cinno]

Hi

I’m fucking dying

[clawsextended]

a note: i treat memes like i would starters because in my experience plotting tends to fizzle out way too fast. so basically, memes are me saying ‘hey if you feel it, let’s do it!’ if not? just gimme a like. if you wanna save it on your blog for our tag, very welcome to rebagel it. but i always write memes with the intention of continuation, never the expectation. if you make one of my memes a thread — you’ve caught my vibe and i thank you!

[actuallyitsstar]

jake “hangman” seresin + 12, 21, 22?

✨ send me a number and a character! ✨

omg nonnie hello !!! <3<3 i so so love my boy jake tysm for the ask !!! <3 TW for mentions of child abuse so pls skip if ur not down for that! also this might get long im so sorry 😭 i just have a lot of Thoughts ok 😭

12. what's a headcanon you have for this character?

i know this is like, decently universal, but there are different versions of it, so i would like to spit out my version with the precursor that i have read a lot of versions of jake's shitty childhood and they are ALL valid and i love them all in their own way so i don't mean this to sound like im tryinna say my headcanon is the only correct way or anything lol.

i do in fact think jake had a really shitty childhood (no surprises im sure). i think for me, it falls somewhere in the realm of overly-critical, under-affectionate, duty-based, act-perfect-for-the-public sort of behavior. the kind of parents who married and had kids out of obligation, bc Thats Just What You Do, but didn't really WANT kids, per se. i think jake has older sisters, and he is absolutely the youngest. he has youngest child syndrome So Bad. he was surprisingly straight-laced, and serious, because he had to be. it's what dear old mom and dad expected. straight As, no fucking around. better not get in trouble, and pay for it if you do.

i think the household might have been just a little bit ~physically abusive~. jake probably got the brunt of it- i think that seresin sr. probably grew bolder with time, and had more frustrations and expectations to push onto a son than onto his daughters. jake would've stood up, too, and lept in front of anything for his sisters, regardless of their age difference or the fact that they probably tried to do the same for him. it was CERTAINLY verbally abusive. nothing's ever good enough, why do you say things like that? don't speak to your father that way. i don't know what you want *me* to do about, if you treated your father with respect he would do the same for you. i think jake's mother sided with her husband often, which is complex, because seresin sr. is an emotionally abusive, uptight asshole, and she's under his thumb too, but she was probably complicit in plenty of it. it's easy to learn to perpetuate something you've known for most of your adult life. she probably married young, and she doesn't know relationships to look any different. it doesn't excuse her behavior, but it does explain.

he learned to do a lot for himself, to be competent in areas that children his age usually aren't. to cook for himself (and his sisters) because no one else was going to do it, some nights, and he was sick of living off of cereal. his sisters teach him how to cover a bruise with makeup one fateful night-before-picture-day, and they regret it later when it becomes an excuse, and jake is able to step in front of them despite their begging him not to, because it's ok, i can fix it before school (so not what they meant jake but ok).

jake probably knew javy in high school, and javy managed to pry jake out of his hardass asshole exterior, just a little. jake is an asshole, because he's learned it's the only way to get attention from his parents (and so what if it's negative attention? he doesn't know the difference). javy is the first person to give jake positive attention and jake doesn't know what to do with it or how to accept it. sometimes when the fighting is very bad at home, jake runs to javy's for a while, but he always goes back home to take his punishment sooner than javy or javy's parents would like, because he is afraid of leaving his sisters alone at home for too long with his parents.

eventually, tho, they are old enough to escape, and that means that jake is right on their heels. they check in as often as they can and things are the worst they've ever been for the years between his next oldest sister's departure and the day he turns 18. but when he does, he and javy enlist together. jake tells his parents, against his wishes. somehow it is another thing for his father to be angry about. his mother cries and cries, as if she's ever cared for his well-being before. for the first time, jake hits his father back. all the way to annapolis, he sports a black eye covered by makeup, and prays to the God of the church he was forced to attend in a suit acting presentable each sunday but does not believe in, that seresin sr. is not somewhere in texas right now talking to the police, ruining jake's chance at true freedom before it's even begun.

he must not be, because nothing ever comes of it. jake does not speak to his parents again.

if like all of this ends up in a fic in like idk 6 months or something. dont @ me. akdhfdjfghfjf it probably will even tho i have a wip list a mile long help aaaaaa

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

i have only (publicly) written for jake once, in the first half of chapter twenty-one of time takes no prisoners (you'll see), so that is my ticket to answering this lol. just know that i plan to write plenty for jake in the future, i am just swamped with mav dad and brad brad wips atm lol

i think my favorite thing about writing for jake is walking that exact line between being an absolute asshole and being a normal person, and the way that jake is somehow both entirely self aware of it, and entirely oblivious to it at the same time. the contrast between the things he thinks in his pov, and the things he says aloud, are also everything. his pov is one of my favorites in this fandom (tho ofc i have loved every pov i have written so far !!!) bc he's just so.... him. so much sharp and so much snark but so much heart too, if you can get to it. so much unresolved and unacknowledged childhood trauma manifesting all over the place. rip to jake but it's everything for me as the author lol.

one thing that sucks about this as the author tho is needing to BE these things on some level to write them. like im supposed to be witty and charming in this google doc rn ??????? say sike 😭 i spend a lot of time staring at an empty page when i get to jake's dialogue bc i can internal monologue all day long but when he has to be witty out loud its OVER for me lol

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I GUESS THIS SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE. but i love the mav-accidentally-adopting-jake-kind-of trope. it is like. my FAVORITE genre of jake fic. its so multi layered too, because mav has had this fractured relationship with bradley for so long and is still struggling to fix it with him, and now here's jake, and why is jake gravitating to mav so much???? mav just does whatever comes natural in the moment, and i think it's like. kind of part of it, in a way. not a big one, but i think mav gets to interact in this way with jake and gets to A. remember how to do it, and B. remind himself that he is capable. and C. i think jake reminds mav of himself at that age and he has some inherent instinct trying to stop the crash that he sees coming. the idea of jake never having been shown like, just regular kindness or understanding from a parental-coded individual and respecting mav a lot in his career, and then after the mission its awkward bc its like oh shit. this is roosters dad basically???? thats fucking weird. and the next thing you know you are hanging out with roosters dad on the weekends when rooster is deployed and you are not ?????? what is going ON. WHY does he speak nicely to me. why does he praise certain things that i do. why does he listen attentively to things that i say. why does he keep trying to hug me when i am leaving. what is this strange interaction.

that being said, i think we all agree jake has some kind of unresolved childhood trauma, and i LOVE to see him have to face it, but sometimes it can just... go too far. i think something i don't like seeing happen to jake in fic is if he kind of.... gets his sharp edges rounded down??? or like, his claws filed away??? jake is a fully grown adult man, who HAS parents out there somewhere in some worlds, or HAD them in others, and he is bold and brash and sharp and quick-tongued. it's easy to reduce him to kind of an extreme position emotionally, and don't get me wrong. i love to put my blorbos in extreme emotional situations. but idk. i think with jake especially its hard to imagine him in a soft situation, and we have a tenancy to warp his character, or make him too teary, too honest, too direct, too sad. for me i feel like the sweet spot is right in the middle, trying to make sure he stays a little depressed and a little angry with himself all the time and a lot disillusioned, while still staying flippant and charming and evasive. it's easy to bend the character to fit the situation instead of the situation to fit the character, but it's important, i feel, to try and do the latter and not the former, with any character, but especially jake, in this fandom.

THANK U SO MUCH FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO RAMBLE NONNIE......i hope u enjoyed and i didnt bore u too much akdhdjdhfjf. i love jake and i love u. that is all. 💕

[magicstormfrostfire]

I miss being apart of things.

[jesterguy]

How can my job be so awful and yet still the best choice for me

[joymaxxr]

oh yeah im back to drawing these boys again

[evanescentdawn]

Jealously

pairing(s): jang uk/cho yeong | naksu | mudeok | jin buyeon

tags: set in season one, jealousy, angst, hurt no comfort, :’)

rating: teens

summary:

A sudden, powerful emotion seizes her at the sight of another at by Jang Wook’s side, their hands on him, dressing him, despite how the servant is only doing their job.

She doesn’t like it that it’s not her.

It’s a feeling that bewilders her into silence — Mudeok stands there, like a statue, watching them.

This is ridiculous.

Her being a maid is only a cover, an identity she will eventually discard. Why is she being like this?

[Mudeok experiences Jealousy and deals with it Badly]

[READ ON AO3]

[crest-of-gautier]

made an eeny bit of progress in pq today... im like maybe 80% through the 3rd floor of you in wonderland and currently level 11...!