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sinner-sunflower · 5 months

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P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 2/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26

Writing this while listening to Christian songs is my process lajsdlkajkld

You guys need to listen to the soundtrack of Journey to Bethlehem. What bangers and amazing pieces!

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Once they got inside, Charlie locks the hotel up using keekee.

Vaggie: You sure that will hold them up?

Charlie: Of course! Besides if any of them try to sneak in then I'm sure Razzle and Keekee will keep them out yes? Yeah? Awww yes you will~

Charlie gushes on her guardians for one more minute before moving close to where her dad was seated on the couch.

Charlie: You okay, dad?

Lucifer: I'm fine, sweetie. Just a little dizzy. I've been using that ability more in thebpast few months than I ever did for 10000 years. It's always draining.

Alastor has disappeared, probably in the kitchen making her dad tea.

Cherri: Not gonna lie. That was kinda hot.

Angel: Yeah. You gotta keep doing whatever that was when you can, short king. Preferably when I'm there to see it. You know, I give full consent for you to do that to me in be-

Charlie: Angel!

Angel: What?

Alastor: Do you never think before you speak, Angel?

Saved by the radio demon. Lucifer smirks as gladly accepts the tea handed to him.

Angel: I'm just here expressing my feelings, Al! And princess, didn't you say that was a redeeming quality.

Vaggie: You are so lucky Lucifer- uh sir- is not killing you on the spot.

Angel: Hehe sorry, handsome. Just a lil fun~

Lucifer chuckles at this. Charlie sure did find some funny individuals.

Lucifer: None taken, Angel. And Vaggie, I told you to stop calling me sir. Lucifer is fine, or if you want.. dad.

Vaggie blushed so so golden that she went to hide in her girlfriend's shoulders in embarrassment.

Vaggie: okay… Lucifer sir.

The King of Hell chuckles in amusement. Well, he'll take what he can get.

Someone clears their throat causing everyone to look at the source.

Lucifer: What is it, Satan?

Satan: As cute as this is, I think we need to discuss what happened earlier.

Lucifer: Can I say anything that will make you guys just drop it?

Various statements from All: Nope. No. Sorry, shorty. Nuh uh. I don't believe so, my dear.

He sighs.

Lucifer: Worth a shot.

When Lucifer doesn't make a move to speak, Charlie kneels before him to hold his hands in hers. There's ringing in his ears.

Charlie: Dad..

Fatherdamnit! Why is he so weak when it comes to his baby girl? He's the Devil for fucks sake and-

And… he's a father first.

Lucifer: It was my brother. Michael.

Everyone's eyes widened in shock except for the Sins. They knew who it was but what they want to know is why.

Angel: Woah woah woah! Like St. Michael the Archangel ?? From the Bible??

Lucifer: Angel, I'm from the Bible.

Angel: Oh yeah.

Charlie: Do you think this is about the last extermination?

Vaggie: But that was already a few months ago. If Heaven had a problem with what happened, I'm pretty sure that we'd hear from them much earlier. Unless..

Husk: It could be cos of the mess in the 7th ring?

Lucifer doesn't answer any of them again. Instead, he looks on to the Heaven shaped planet in the sky.

Asmodeus: Luci… is a war coming?

Lucifer: I can't answer that.

Liar. Why are you lying again? You know why Michael did that. They can help. They will listen!

Alastor: Cannot or won't, my Majesty?

He should've known Alastor will see right through him. Smiling prick.

Lucifer: Does it matter?

The demon's grin doesn't falter.

Alastor: I do not know, my King. Does it?

The faint ringing in his ears is getting louder. He can't ignore it for long.

He stands and dusts himself off.

Lucifer: I don't have time for this. I need to go to Heaven as soon as possible. Preferably right now.

Loud protests echoed in the hotel lobby as soon as he said it.

Alastor: Mon ange, let us not be too hasty.

Satan: Are you fucking kidding me?!

Leviathan: No way.

Mammon: So it is a war???

Ozzie: On your own?!

Bee: What if they kill you?? One of us will go with you.

Belphegor: At least take someone from the Ars Goetia. I'm sure Paimon would gladly give you a strong familiar.

Angel: I make stupid choices so I know this is stupid- ow! The hell, bitch??

Vaggie: Shut up, Angel. But they're right, Lucifer sir. And sorry but what brought this on?

Charlie: Let me come with you atleast.

That's it.

Lucifer: No!

That stopped the talking atleast.

Lucifer: I need to talk to Michael and I'm pretty sure he's not going to come down here. And no, I am not going to take anyone with me. It's too dangerous, Charlie. Don't worry, he's not gonna kill me up there. Just… I promise I'll explain what I can after but right now… I need to go

He can see the Sins about to argue again but he gave them the softest look he can muster and it did the trick because they all clammed up.

Lucifer: Do you trust me?

The look they give him makes him reminiscent the beginning. A time of nothing and all he had was Lilith and the newly born Sins. He sometimes forgets that they were still a lot younger than him and for a long time, he was all they got.

Satan: Of course.

He hopes the smile he gives them is reassuring enough. They melt into his hold as he rans a hand through their faces to cup them.

Lucifer: Good. Take care of my daughter and Hell, okay?

Finally appraoching Charlie and her friends, he draws small pentagrams that embedded themselves unto their skins.

Lucifer: These will act as a ward to anything that poses as a danger to you. Consider it a gift from me.

He locks eyes with Alastor and they form a silent agreement.

His deer takes his hand and bends down to kiss it.

Alastor: With my soul, my love.

Lucifer smiles and suddenly a golden flurry engulfs him, tranforming him back to what he originally looked like before Roo.

When Leviathan gave him a look, he waves in dismissal.

Lucifer: I don't need Michael or Heaven knowing about all this mess. As far as they're concerned, Roo never happened.

He calls upon Keekee, who turned into a key to open a golden portal. Vaggie can see that wherever he opened it, it wasn't the pearly gates of Heaven. It looked like… a room? And since when was Lucifer allowed to open any door in Heaven on his own? This is all suspicious if you ask her. But she bites her tongue.

Before the King could step in, he was grabbed by the arm. He looks back to see his daughter having a tight grip on his wrist.

Lucifer: Char-char?

Charlie: Come back, dad. Okay?

He wishes he just lived a normal life with his beloved little girl.

Lucifer: Promise…. Love you.

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Found the comic with the baby Sins thanks to user @s-arina!

Baby Sins Comic by aogs_47777

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welcometothejianghu · 8 months

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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 民国奇探/My Roommate is a Detective.

My Roommate is a Detective is a 2020 drama about the Jazz Age shenanigans of a terrible OT3: a useless noodle boy, a spoiled journalist girl, and a handsome thug-turned-cop, who together solve Agatha Christie mysteries in 1920s Shanghai.

I mean, seriously, have you ever wondered what Hercule Poirot would be like if he were a 6'2" Chinese rubber man? If he had a long-suffering sugar daddy from the wrong side of the tracks and a spunky sugar mommy who owned their shared apartment? The answer is, it would be a laugh-out-loud-funny series about a ridiculous and charming assortment of weirdos solving only slightly believable murder mysteries in charming period clothing.

This is another one of those shows where I'm kind of shocked at how not well-known it is, except I'm not, because I can see exactly the problems that keep fandom from descending on it like horny little vultures. Nonetheless, I think it's a good time that more people would enjoy if they gave it the chance. Here's five reasons why you should:

1. Equal parts smart as heck and dumb as butts

On the one hand, especially given its tone and tenor, this show has many surprisingly clever turns and thoughtful moments, carried along by some talented actors. On the other hand, [.gif of a guinea pig in a rollerskate being pushed merrily down a hallway]

This show is not a complicated intellectual exercise. It's an action comedy about a goofy sleuth, a rich-girl reporter, and the cop who should be the straight man in this trio, except he's as much of a goober as the other two are. If the promotional tableaus are giving you real "cover of a Clue box" vibes, you've understood the kind of pastiche it's pulling off.

The mysteries are preposterous. They're all the kind of thing that exemplify the Doyle line about how, when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever's left has got to be the answer, no matter how ding-dang improbable it may be. You know the type: tons of overly elaborate setups, unbelievably perfect timing, coincidental long-lost relatives, people hallucinating right and left. They're also very short -- most full cases take only 2-3 episodes to introduce, investigate, and resolve, even when interspersed with the larger goings-on in these weirdos' lives. The DramaWiki page for the show lists 23 separate arcs over 36 episodes, so you do the math.

And yet, it's way more thoughtful and clever than its doofy little setup would indicate. Its attention to detail surprised me on more than one occasion. Add to that a bunch of solid performances from an ensemble of real characters, and what you get is definitely more substantive than a junk-food waste of time. You can't turn your brain off while watching it, but you sure can turn it down, and that's great.

It also doesn't hurt that everyone is super attractive and wearing great outfits. The whole show's worth it for the wardrobes.

2. THE GIRL

Fuck the haters, fuck everyone, I am going to climb right up on my little soapbox and tell you all why Bai Youning is awesome.

She is insane. She's a troll. She's a clever little monster. Every other character's response to her is, oh my god, you are literally the worst. And she is! She has been spoiled beyond belief by her incredibly rich Crime Dad, and she has learned to leverage her uwu just a widdle girl status to get her whatever the hell she wants. She simply cannot hear it when someone says the word "no." She will look her future sister-in-law in the eye and point a loaded gun at her own head without blinking. Every ball she has is made of brass.

She's hardly perfect. During the course of the show, there are some times where her entitlement runs face-first into the brick wall of reality. She's not nearly as good at her chosen career path as she's been told (mostly by the people who get paid to tell her she's good). She's rarely prepared to deal with the consequences of her actions, especially when she can't just throw money at the problem.

So she learns, and grows, and changes. She's always going to be a stubborn bitch, but she can become a stubborn bitch with a more accurate conception of her relationship to the world around her.

She's actually a really good romantic foil for Lu Yao, who is equally stubborn and spoiled and obnoxious as hell. It is a pure brat4brat relationship, where each one thrives on comically enraging the other. What this means, though, is that when they actually start showing one another some vulnerability, it's really sweet.

Now: I'm pretty sure that you could not have made a female character in her position that everyone did not hate, no matter how cool you made her, because that is the fate of all girls who theoretically keep the two boys from kissing. (More on that next point.) If she were less outgoing and friendly, she would've been hated for being too cold. If she were less headstrong, she would've been hated for being a pushover. If she weren't as into the boy, she would've been hated for being frigid. I know the "god forbid a woman do anything" meme is a joke, but ... man, god forbid this girl do anything. She gets a level of hate entirely disproportionate to what she's actually like. As I said with Eom Dada, it's not always sexism, but sometimes, yeah, it's sexism.

(Real talk: Her character is also fighting both how she's definitely not written as well as the boys are and how the plot sometimes needs her to be artificially stupid and jealous for Straightness Drama Reasons, so that's a legit problem on a structural level. Also, she's dubbed by someone else and the boys aren't, which gives her voice an annoying not-quite-there quality that's hard to ignore. The deck is stacked against her real hard even before she steps onscreen.)

So here's my advice: Go into this show wanting to like her. Embrace her terribleness as a positive, intentional quality. Don't be mad at her for straightening up an endgame that was never going to be gay, even without her. Welcome her contributions to the chaos. Realize that she is exactly as entertainingly irritating as her boys are.

Truly, this is a story of three terrible people in love. They're all just awful, and you wouldn't want to be in a room with any of them for longer than you had to. Left to right up there, Bai Youning is spoiled and self-absorbed, Lu Yao is arrogant and lazy, and Qiao Chusheng is suuuuuch a fucking cop. If you're into the kind of dynamic that can only be described OT3: You All Deserve One Another, then this one's perfect for you.

3. Do you really miss '00s queerbaiting?

Like, really? Are you just super-nostalgic for being able to see the showrunners go, ha ha, girls, we know you're watching and we know you want these cute boys to kiss, which they never will -- but what if we pretended for just this one scene??? Do you just carnally ache for that with every fiber of your being?

Yep.

Now, why am I calling the occasional really gay moments between these two gentlemen "queerbaiting" and not "bromance"? Because these moments are a) obviously intentional, b) completely sporadic, and c) never spoken of again.

For example: There's a scene (which you can see a gifset of here) where the two of them are at a restaurant frequented by the cop, who brings a lot of ladies there on dates. When the waiter points this out, useless noodle boy says, I'm his date. The waiter looks mildly surprised by this, the cop says not to listen to his bullshit, and that's the end of it. The scene moves on. There is no further discussion of this comment. It does not affect their relationship.

That's the essence of queerbaiting: that little on-purpose nod to the homoerotic tension between the two, in a way that isn't a joke but also isn't not a joke, and either way is never going to happen. (In fact, the show is going to go out of its way to make sure that ship gets sunk, so, uh, get your fanfiction lifeboats ready for that.)

A true queerbaiting move is something that should make a difference in a relationship, but doesn't. It should make a difference that our cop is so comfortable in the noodle boy's personal space that he invades it at will. It doesn't. It should make a difference that noodle boy keeps getting real weird every time the cop has a date with a girl. It doesn't. Those are some real romantic moves the two of them keep pulling, and then nothing comes of them.

I had this show sold to me as being incredibly shippy, to the point of being even more so than its censored-BL contemporaries. And ... well, it is and it isn't. It has textually gayer individual moments, but it is much less pervasively gay. It's clear from the start that it's going to throw all its actual relationship points into its canon het romance. When it comes to these boys, the show is toying with you. It knows you want to see those boys smooch, just as much as it knows (and it knows you know) they're never gonna.

How you feel about this is entirely up to you -- and indeed, it may be a dealbreaker on the whole drama for you. If you are inclined to pitch a fit when your ship does not become canon, you'll be happier somewhere else. If, however, you see this as a delightful opportunity to do whatever the hell you want with the situation as it is presented, all the while enjoying little moments of startlingly blatant homoeroticism between two handsome dudes, well, here you are!

(I mean, if you want my take on it, what needs to happen is that the cop and the girl need to fuck while the useless noodle boy watches with asexual bisexual interest, and then they all need to snuggle with the noodle boy in the middle so they can both annoy him appropriately, but your mileage may vary.)

4. The multicultural extravaganza!

1920s Shanghai had a lot going on in terms of cultures and languages, and this show actually does a fair job of representing that.

By now, I've seen a number of shows set during this era, and they all at least acknowledge the international nature of the city -- usually by mentioning the French Concession and having a handful of evil Japanese characters. However, this is the first time I've seen a show go to such lengths to actually show so many non-Chinese characters onscreen, even to the point of making one a recurring character supporting the main squad.

Salim is the best. Whatever he is being paid, it's not enough. He's Qiao Chusheng's right-hand man, which means he is also the dude who most often has to put up the main trio's bullshit. (The actor himself is also a dude with a pretty cool backstory, which is another great layer.) He's sharp, he's loyal, he's patient, and he looks great with his shirt off. He's got it all!

Other non-Chinese characters include a white Jewish art collector (I'd issue a warning for period-typical antisemitism, except … honestly, it's mostly just confused), a sadistic priest who maybe is supposed to be Italian, a completely different priest who [last episode spoiler], and three whole sinister white dudes behind it all.

It's not just the world coming to China, though! A large number of the Chinese characters are said to have spent significant time outside of China, whether for business or for schooling. Near the end, when some characters are discussing moving away from Shanghai, they consider a number of foreign cities as potential destinations.

Here's a delightful detail: When Lu Yao and his sister speak English, they're dubbed by actors with posh British accents who sound like native (or near-native) English-speakers. This makes perfect sense, because both of the siblings did a lot of their schooling in the UK. When Bai Youning speaks English, she's dubbed by someone who speaks English very well but also has a noticeable Chinese accent, which makes perfect sense for her character's background. And Qiao Chusheng never speaks English at all, because he's a street tough who has no reason to know more than three words.

...This is also kind of weird to say about something literally made in China, but go with me on it: Everything's kind of got that Art Deco Orientalist vibe to it. It looks like China's idea of what Britain's idea of China during that period would have looked like. The result comes across less like what 1920s Shanghai would actually have looked like, and more what an ad for 1920s Shanghai would have looked like. It's a fascinating aesthetic, and more so for how it's mostly pretty subtle. The show isn't some visual extravaganza, but it's always very nice to look at, and I appreciate that in a show.

5. A wonderful horrible protagonist

A lot of mystery-themed prestige television involves an asshole genius detective who gets away with being a dick to everyone because he's sooooo smart, while all his long-suffering friends and colleagues spend a lot of time doing damage control for him because, sigh, he's an asshole but we need him, genius excuses all dickhead behavior, we'll always make exceptions for him because he's just ever so special. (Watch histrionic sage hbomberguy's video on Sherlock if you're unfamiliar with the trope.)

Lu Yao is an asshole genius detective, but one who winds up spending most of his time being an asshole to a) people who deserve it, or b) his horrible friends who will be assholes right back at him. When he is awful to the people who don't deserve it, the show smacks him pretty hard on the nose for it and makes him apologize.

This is a show where you'll figure out pretty quckly if you'll love it or hate it, because if you love Lu Yao, you'll love it, and vice versa. He carries most of the show himself, with his goofy charm and his incredibly bendy slenderman body and his ability to make the one competent person he knows both protect him and give him money.

Like so.

For my own part, I find him intensely charming, and I think a lot of this has to do with Hu Yitian's ability to play him as an affectionately bullyable weenie who needs to get shoved in a locker for his own good. He's the worst, and it's comically endearing instead of offputting because at the end of the day, he really does have a good heart. He's just also lazy as heck and disinclined to do anything that he does not want to be doing, and really, aren't we all?

As I alluded to in point 3, he comes across as real asexual. He's just not that interested in sex, and he is in fact pretty uncomfortable in situations where he finds himself the subject of someone else's sexual desires. He's perfectly capable of romantic feelings! I mean, not only does he get Bai Youning as a love interest, we actually meet one of his ex-girlfriends. He's just not partciularly horny about them -- which is even more noticeable as a sharp contrast to how extremely horny Qiao Chusheng is for just about everyone, but this exasperating little dork in particular.

(Like seriously, 90% of the time, Chusheng is about to explode with sexual frustration at Lu Yao's skinny oblivious ass.)

This isn't to say you couldn't get Lu Yao into bed, because you absolutely could, and he'd probably have a good time. You'd just have to remove all distractions from the room, lest his ADHD ass wind up running off to solve a crime mid-coitus.

Twiggy little nightmare man. Garbage-animal boy. Love him.

sidebar: A word about the ending

I'm going to be vague and talk about general vibes instead of specific events, but you should still skip this section if you want to remain completely unspoiled. Jump to the picture of Chusheng holding the sledgehammer.

Okay, so, a lot of people do not like the ending, and I'm including myself in that number. I honestly don't know if they got rushed and had to wrap everything pretty last-minute, or if they thought they might get a second season out of it and were leaving things open-ended accordingly. Either way, it's incredibly unsatisfying.

I think there's a clue that the show didn't actually want to end this way, and it's not actually in the text of the show itself. Every episode, between the last scene and the start of the credits, you get to see a couple still frames from the episode (usually some of the queerbaity ones). After the very final shot of the series, you get two images: the boys hugging goodbye, and Chusheng's upset face. That's not a resolution! That is at best a "to be continued..." ending!

But no, that's it. That's all, folks.

It's not quite an ending so bad it ruins the rest of the show, mostly because it doesn't feel finished, so it's less like you're watching a car being deliberately driven into a wall because someone thought that was the best route to take, and more like you're watching someone leave a car on the railroad tracks because they figured they'd have time to move it later.

As far as I know, there has been no noise made about a second season. These 36 episodes are the entirety of the narrative. It had the distinct misfortune to start airing in March 2020, which wasn't exactly prime time for planning sequels, and that seems to have been that. (There is a 2022 show called Checkmate that stars the two main guys in extremely similar roles, also adapting Agatha Christie stories, but it's apparently pretty meh? Somebody else who's actually seen it, go ahead and weigh in here.)

I'll say that if you turn off the episode right after Lu Yao gets out the handcuffs, you'll save yourself the worst of it the awkward and unsatisfying moments (though I'm impressed at your willpower to stop watching something five minutes from the end). That's not all of it, though. Structurally, there are several situations rushed to a resolution and loose threads left flapping untied in the breeze. I guess stopping before the last five minutes simply saves you the hope that it'll pull a good ending out of the fire, because it won't.

And let's be real: The more you hate Bai Youning and her romance with Lu Yao, the more you'll hate the ending. (Not that liking those elements will necessarily make you like the ending, of course, because I'm a fan of hers and I still think the ending is butts.) The ending is already like a pair of uncomfortable shoes; if the het romance especially makes you grind your teeth, the ending becomes a pair of uncomfortable shoes that also have a rock in them. A lot of the comments online indicate plenty of people dropped the show when they learned the het romance would be endgame. It's a pretty common dealbreaker.

Oh well. Bring on the fanfic, I say! Those of us who are used to taking a sledgehammer to canon are unafraid.

Smash it, baby.

Still want to see some of these mysteries?

Both iQiyi and Viki have the answer to your sleuthing!

It's not a perfect show -- as evidenced by my digression about the ending -- but it's a lot of fun. If you can handle the occasional foible and some eyebrow-raising moments, you're in for a good time with some attractive people that occasionally tastes very gay.

Every roommate crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man

#my roommate is a detective #民国奇探 #rec post #i made this

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pavedinashes-if · 1 year

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(Based on the last ask)

How would the ROs feel about the MC step mom and dad?

Ha, this is some hot spoiler sh*t. I'll answer as vaguely as possible. This are the ROs responses to your parents' comments - hope that's ok. (1) is their opinion on your Step-Mom and what she thinks of you two (2) is their opinion on your Dad and what he thinks of you two

Your Neighbour - Samual / Samantha (Police Officer), 25 years old (1)"It's fine, I get it. Nobody wants their child to be a widow/er one day because of some job choice." (2)"I appreciate it and will make sure to give it my best to not be an idiot out there, ok?"

Your Ex - Felix / Felicia (Rich Kid), 20 years old (1)"Ha! HA! HA! I told ya she loves me! And awww... *pats your head* such a good boy/girl for coming back to me. Of course I couldn't say No to those puppy eyes, could I?" (2)"Such a shame, really, but I'll make sure to conquer his heart in no time - watch out daddy H, I'm comin' for your big fat fluffy heart."

Your New Foe - Alex (Lawyer), 25 years old (1)"I am not the slightest bit surprised." (2)*takes a deep breath and doesn't comment."

Your Best Friend (Photographer), 23 years old (1)"Ouch, damn your ol' lady has some claws on her. Good thing I am a kitty tamer." *winks at you* (2)"What can I say..." *presses lips together and blushes*

Your New Friend - Xavier (Musician), 22 years old (1)"Tsk, oh I'll write a song about her and it will go viral and she won't like the contents of it..." (2)"Realllyyy? OMG, for sure, VIP tickets and guest list and free drinks and whatever he wishes... dad fans are the best! I swear."

Your Childhood Friend - Bianca (Student), 19 years old (1) "Oh wow, that is so rude. I'm happy you don't have her charms, seriously." *looks hurt* (2) "Totes, tell him I will bring him some of the cookies from my mom that he always loved. Believe me they got better each year. Well, I mean, she is making them each year, like, at least 20 times...they should be better...oh no I am babblin' sorry..." *blushes*

Your Rival - Laurenz / Laura (Pro Skater), 21 years old (1) "Fuck her!" (2) "That...is weird."

Your Best Friend's BF/GF - Francesco / Francesca (Model), 22 years old (1) "At least we can agree on the pretty face part." (2) *Just blink, then roll their eyes*

Your Boss - Dima / Dalia (Club Owner), 34 years old (1)"I am too old for this. Whatever your mommy thinks of me is..." *pretend to throw something over their shoulder* (2)"I appreciate his honesty, but...I don't care, you know?"

Your Doctor - Michael / Michaela, 29 years old (1) "I've heard this way too often, it's shocking." (2) *pretends to knock on your head* "Did I consider this properly...?"

Your Supplier - "Sparks" (Drug Dealer, they don't know officially), 24 years old (1)"I am sure I can find something in my little magical pouch that will help her losen up a bit." *looks at you* "What?" (2)"I like him. He's a good one."

A stranger - Paul / Paula, 38 years old (1)"That's what she said?" *he thinks for a while" "Good." (2)"And why exactly should I be bothered by his opinion?"

#skateboarding if #paved in ashes #skatelife #qna: pia #pia: ro facts

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justmeinadaze · 2 months

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I had a very abusive relationship and after 9 years I was finally able to get away from him at the beginning of the year.

Today is his birthday and I have an urge to text him and I feel so silly because for some reason my brain wants to believe that what he did to me was not serious enough to make the decision to get him out of my life.

I don't know how to tell this to the people around me, if I myself think I am so stupid for that obviously others will think the same.

First of all, thank you for feeling comfortable sharing that with me❤.

Secondly it's never wrong to leave a toxic relationship and I'm so proud of you taking that step. I dont know if this helps but

I was abused through my childhood physically, mentally, and emotionally by a parent and I didnt leave until I was 13. Even I left I still kept her around because in my brain I was like "Shes my mom and shes sick. She cant help it. Other people have been through way worse."

Even though I was out of the house the emotional and mental abuse got worse not just towards me but the people around me. She accused my dad of things he didnt do. When he died she said she thought we'd finally be able to have me now (I was 23 and this was 3 months after he passed). When I lost a friend of mine 5 years ago she said the worst thing you could say to your kid and I knew then had to fully cut ties.

I havent talked to her in these 5 years and I'll tell ya I'm doing so much better. But... that doesnt mean I dont miss her. Sometimes I think about trying again with her but then I remember how far I've come.

The first time I told my friends about my abuse I remember I thought "oh they're going to think it's no big deal." But they were shocked and so encouraging.

If you tell someone what you've been through and they invalidate you and experiences in anyway then, honey, those arent people you want to have in your life.

The road to healing isnt easy but I assure you that you achieved the hardest step that some never reach... you left.

I see you and I'm proud of you❤

I'm sorry if I rambled a bit. PTSD brain skips sometimes.

#i love you #hugs from afar

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bellysoupset · 1 year

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A little more of the LukeBell novela.

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"I don't know mom, do I seem like I have a crystal ball?" Lucas heard through the door, just as he was about to knock. There was no other voice answering, so he figured Bella was on the phone and not with company.

He had been fully recovered for a week now, the time it had taken to get back on his feet and start to get his life together after he had let it go up in flames. Of course, cleaning his kitchen, catching up in all the late homework, fiercely apologizing to his friends... That had all been him procrastinating on the real issue at hand: apologizing to Bell.

"Voy a checar los hoteles y te mando," Bella said, sounding annoyed, "OK, adios".

Before Luke could think better of it, give in to the anxiety that was making his heart race and his stomach churn, he knocked on the door.

"Just a second!" Bella yelled and he waited, wiping his hands on his jeans. Three weeks. Exactly 23 days since he had last seen her, the longest they had ever been apart in the last four years of relationship.

She pulled the door open and Lucas gulped down, forcing a smile, "Hi."

"Hi," Bella crossed her arms to her chest. She was wearing just yoga pants and a sporty bra, probably about to leave for gym, her hair up in a ponytail. He forced his eyes not to linger.

"Uhm... Can we talk?"

"No," She scoffed, slamming the door on his face. Lucas jumped back, startled as the wood shook with the strength of the blow. He let out a sigh, leaning on the door.

"Bella..." he had no idea from where to start, "I'm sorry. I was... An ass. I blew everything, I made a huge deal out of something small and I really, really, shouldn't have proposed to you like that. I know I messed up-"

The door opened and once more he was met by a furious gaze. Bella stared at him, "did you break up with me because your dad told you to?"

For once Lucas was shocked. He shook his head vehemently, "No! No! No, I... I proposed to you because he told me not to."

Her face turned red, out of anger or embarrassment he wasn't sure. Lucas cringed, "I shouldn't have done that, Bell... I was being stupid."

"You think?" she rolled her eyes, "I thought I was dating an adult, but it seems I was dating a fifteen year old with daddy issues."

Her words were cutting and while it wasn't anything new from what Lucas had already heard before, it hurt the fact that Bell was saying this of all people. He winced, shaking his head, "I'm not. It was a bad month, he kept bringing up my mom and fucking with my head and then you said no and everything just snowballed-"

"You broke my heart," she interrupted him, "you're the first guy I ever loved and you dumped me and then acted like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. Four fucking years, Lucas."

"It wasn't nothing, you know I didn't think it was nothing, I was falling apart too, Bella-"

"I don't care if you were!" she exclaimed, eyes wide, "you broke up with me. I called you a million times, I was willing to talk about it, but you acted like a fucking child, so no, I don't give a damn if you thought- If you decided to chug a bottle of vodka and die in some disgusting pub and I don't care-"

"How do you know about that?" Lucas frowned and Bella scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Get out of here, Luke."

"No!" Lucas pushed all thoughts aside, glaring at her, "I know I messed up and I know I'll have to do a lot to get us back to where we were, but I love you, Bella. I do," he stepped closer, looking at her intently, "and I know you're furious right now, rightfully so, but I also know you love me too."

Bella's resolve seemed to crumble, the walls all but melting. She sighed, closing the space between them and cupping his face, "Luke..." her thumb ran over his cheek and he smiled, couldn't help it. He could see it in her eyes, "I love you, of course I do."

"Then-"

"But it'll pass," she pulled her hand back, shaking her head, "please get out of here, Luke."

There was a ringing in his ears and Lucas found he would much rather she had slapped him across the face than to hear that. He felt like Bella had just punched him in the middle of his stomach, successfully having murdered all the butterflies there.

"You don't mean that."

"I do," she held firmly, eyes overly shiny, "I love you, but I'll get over it. Bye Luke," and without waiting for his response she clicked the door shut on his face once more, this time without slamming it.

It hurt more.

He stared at her door, fighting the horrible burning in his eyes, blinking against it just as he started to feel his vision turn blurry from the tears. They streamed down his face and he rubbed them away angrily, finally moving away from her door. The last thing he wanted was for Bella to hear him.

He made it all the way back to his car before the break down hit him like a ton of bricks. He had just fully, completely blown his relationship down and for what? A stupid proposal neither of them wanted? His dad? His ego?

Lucas let out a sob and lowered his head to the steering wheel, wrapping his arms around himself. Fuck.

#mywriting #lucas atwood #isabella martinez

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kayhi808 · 2 years

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More Than Our Scars - Part 23

Wilson Fisk, the most feared Crime Lord in New York has had a lot on his plate with the recent murder of his Assistant, James Wesley. He's not happy to be interupted by a phone call from Wolf. "What do you want? Make it quick."

"I got something of yours that I think you might want back."

Growling, "I don't got time for your fucking games, Carson."

"Y/N. I found your little whore." There's silence on the other end of the phone. "I just want the files you have on me. I want out of this. I don't give a shit what you do with her. I just want out."

"Kill her. I don't give a fuck."

"Uh uh. I'll hand her over to the feds. I'll give her to Homeland. She wants a deal. She'll keep me out of it, but she'll turn on you."

Kingpin laughs, "She's many things, but stupid is not one of them."

"Really? She's managed to escape you & you haven't been able to find her in your own damn city. She doesn't think you're all that smart." Carson sighs, "Mr. Fisk, I want a clean break. I warned you about the raid. I've squashed any further investigations into your businesses. I destroyed evidence. I just want my files. Our transaction is complete."

"She's with you now? You got her?"

"I have her stashed away."

"1am. Bring her to the raided warehouse. You give me y/n and our business is done." Fisk disconnects the call. He sits at his desk contemplating the situation. After a few minutes, he hits the intercom, "Have the car brought around. Call Anvil & tell them I'm on my way. I want a meeting with Russo."

*****

After Carson leaves, Krista sneaks back in your room. She stares at you until you can't take it any more You know she's good at mind games after she messed with Bill, "What?!"

"Trying to figure out what he sees in you."

"He doesn't see anything in me. He habitually cheats on his wife. He's a loser."

Krista laughs, "Not Carson. Billy. Carson is like family. He served under my father while he was still in the service. He kept an eye out for me & my family after…"

"After your dad took you for a flying leap out a window?"

Krista's eyes widen in shock & then narrows. "How'd you find that out?" You give her a delicate shrug of your shoulder. "I can't wait until we hand you over to Fisk. Billy will be devastated, but we'll work through that in our sessions. I'll take care of him."

Your blood boils thinking of her anywhere near Billy. "You are fucking delusional if you think Bill will return to you. That will not happen. EVER." You can't believe she thinks she's going to win Bill over. You start laughing. "You have no idea what you've done. Bill? He will kill you. Bill is out there right this minute, hunting you down & he will KILL YOU." Shaking your head, "No matter what happens to me, you and Carson are as good as dead. I told people you called me. They'll tell Bill. Did you even tell Carson about Mark?" You see it dawn on her that she left a loose end. "Mark is an Anvil agent. Once he realized I'm gone, I guarantee you he assembled a team to come find me. Your head start is even shorter than you thought."

Krista leaves the room without saying anything else to you.

*****

Bill changed and returns to his Intel Unit. He left his loft destroyed, not having the energy to take care of it. "Tell me what you got! Where is she?" He walks over to Frank.

"Nothing yet. But we're still looking."

There's a knock on the door & Katie pops her head in, "Bill? Wilson Fisk is here asking for you. He wouldn't take no as an answer so I had to put him in the conference room."

"What?! That fucker is here right now?"

"Thanks Katie, we'll be right there," Frank places a hand Bill's shoulder which he shakes off.

"Hey!? Stop." Stands in front of Bill, blocking his way, "We don't know what he's here for."

"He's got Y/N!!" Billy storms to his office to retrieve his weapon.

"We don't know that! Wolf and Dumont took her." Frank follows him.

Billy straps on a holster and double checks his gun. Clips a knife to his belt and heads towards the conference room.

They walk down the corridor, Kingpin is visable through the glass walls. Bill enters with Frank following him. Fisk and his 2 guards stand feeling the air crackle with tension as Bill arrives. Bill & Frank can't read any threat coming from their visitors.

"Mr. Russo I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice," offering his hand in greeting. Bill warily takes it. Indicating the weapons, "Is all that necessary?"

"You interupted a tactical training exercise. What can I do for you?" Bill fold his arms across his chest leaning against the wall opposite Fisk.

"When we spoke previously, I said there were other sensitive jobs I was interested in you handling personally. A situation has cropped up and I would need your immediate assistance."

"How soon are we talking?"

"Tonight." Billy frowns and shakes his head. "I can make it worth your while and I'd be in your debt." Bill is silent. "I dont offer favors freely, Russo."

"What's the job?"

"There's a...package I need in my possession. There's to be a trade tonight and I need some assistance. Think of this as an audition. There could be a lot more work thrown Anvil's way."

"What's the package?"

"Let's say a lost sheep is being returned to the fold." Fisk smiles.

Frank notices the muscle in Billy's jaw tic and the shrug of his shoulder. "Who are we up against?"

"Agents from DHS. They are of no consequence to me." Fisk slides a file across the table. "The location and the specs." Billy and Frank look through the file. "Do we have a deal?"

Bill closes the file and gives it to Frank. "What times should we arrive?" He holds out his hand to Fisk & they shake.

"Smart move, kid. We'll see you at 11." Fisk and his men leave.

Bill turns to Frank, "whatever route they took, I want it swept for bugs." Frank gets on the phone and they head back to Bill's office where he throws himself into his chair.

"What do you want to do?"

"Have multiple groups of cleaners on standby. Whatever it costs." Runs his hands over his face. "It's too easy. What am I missing?"

"Fisk just sanctioned you to take out Wolf."

"In exchange for Y/N." Bill closes his eyes and shakes his head, "Kingpin invited me in & I'm taking out everyone there."

@idaofinfinity @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @e-dubbc11 @celestialams

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fanfic #billy russo imagine #billy russo x you #billy russo fanfiction

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 2 years

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Code Blue - Ch. 13 "Fight or Flight"

Summary: Josie comforts a grieving Lee. They bond even deeper as he tells her of his vision. Lee tends to a clumsy Jo. Interruptions seem inevitable for the pair. Josie is on to Lee's invading and not so subtle female neighbor. Lee comes clean about a past misdeed. Pizza, movies and a conversation. Josie gets spooked. Lee fights for her.

*Warnings* language, angst, mentions of death, mentions of Alzheimer's, alcohol use

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Josie, Lee, Angel, Dash

Salem, Massachusetts

February 23, 2023

Every word of the woman's soft sympathetic voice was pronounced from Lee's phone in the dead silence, informing him that his father had passed away that morning. The pain that rippled over his face tore your heart in two. Had this beautiful man not suffered enough?

Lee slowly lowered the phone from his ear and hesitantly turned to look at the back door as if he had seen a ghost, while the voice on the phone echoed through his mind..."Dr. Pace, are you there?"

"Lee....sweetheart...give me your phone please." you lovingly said as you slipped it out of his hand while he stood frozen, gazing into the kitchen.

"Hel...hello?" you muttered. "I...I am Josie...Lee's....friend...." you explained to the woman as Lee disappeared out the back door. "He...he had to...step away..."

"I understand. My name is Angel, his father's primary caregiver here at the resident home."

She proceeded to tell you that his father had passed away peacefully in the morning hours and gave you some information to pass along to Lee. You thanked her and ended the call....then went after Lee.

You found him in the back of the yard, facing away from the house, covering his face with his hand as he sobbed quietly. You never felt so much love for someone as you did for him in that moment.

You slid your hand up over his shoulder. "Lee...baby...I'm here. It's ok. You don't have to hide from me. We have cried together once, so there's no reason for you to cry alone now." you assured him as you gently rubbed his back.

He wiped his tears and then slowly turned to face you.

"I...I don't know where the hell you came from but I am so grateful you are here Jo. I...I am just so grateful for you period." he said and lowered his head.

"Would it be so shocking if I told you the same thing?"

Lee then raised his head and looked at you like no one had ever looked at you before.

"Yes...yes it would be."

He then began to tell you things....things that he had buried and now escaped from the gash in his broken heart.

"No one's ever given a shit about me. Not like you, so forgive me for sounding so cynical with my response."

"Jo...I...I need to tell you something. Something I would never tell anyone...because I...I would just sound crazy..."

"Lee...you're shaking. What is it? I would never think that about you. I promise. You can talk to me." you assured him and took his trembling hand into both of yours.

He sighed heavily as his eyes flooded with tears. "Jo...I..I saw my mom and Jacob...just hours ago. Right there in the doorway. He was leaning against her and she..she was trying to tell me something, but it was so bright to see, it was just so damn bright...and beautiful...and warm...and..." He paused and choked back the tears.

"Hey...hey. Lee. It's ok sweetheart. Take your time. I'm listening."

"There was one word I could make out...Jo..it was my dad's name. The nurse said he passed away this morning....Jo, my mom came to tell me...she came to tell me that he was leaving..."

He broke down and looked at you so trusting, yet so scared and lost....and it was killing you. You immediately pressed against him and placed you hand on the side of his face.

"It's ok. I'm here. I believe you. God, come here Lee."

You pulled him down to you, kissed his cheek and wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him so tight.

"I've got you. It's alright."

His arms curled gently around you as he pressed his face into your hair and lightly sobbed. For once in his life...he felt safe and protected.

It had been minutes that you both stood frozen in time, holding each other. He didn't want to let you go, nor did he want you to let him go....and you felt the same. He finally spoke into your ear.

"I'm so glad you are here. I really don't know what I would do without you right now. Most likely get shit faced and I don't want to do that anymore. Not after I hurt you..."

He pulled back just enough to peer down at you and took your hand, looking over the faint yellow remnants of the bruising on your wrists. His eyes closed with pure remorse all over his face.

"Does it hurt?" he whispered.

"No...Lee...I am alright. It was an accident. I was wearing heels and lord knows I don't mix with those. I am the most accident prone person you will ever meet."

"Jo...no. Don't do that. Don't blame yourself for something I did. That part was an accident, but grabbing your wrist the way I did was not. Jo, please, just let me own it. What I did was wrong, even if I was drunk out of my mind."

"Alright. It's owned, but I still forgive you whether you like it or not....what about you? Your mouth...I hit you...and that...I should have never done because you were desperately trying to apologize. You were no threat to me and I still turned around and slugged you. So...you gotta let me own that too...does..does it hurt?" you asked as you traced your finger over his chin.

'Owww! God, yes it hurts so bad."

You gasped and yanked your hand away...and then he grinned.

'Oh my god...Lee!! that's not funny!! The thought of ever hurting you....just no...you can't do that to me! I have literally been beating myself up over doing that to you!" you ranted and lightly smacked his arm.

'Alright alright!" he chuckled. "I'm sorry. Bad joke. It doesn't hurt. I promise. Come here."

He pulled you back into his arms and rested his chin on top of your head in which you fit under perfectly, like the spot was made just for you.

"I'm so glad you're here. Will you....stay for awhile?" he asked as he lightly rocked you.

You reluctantly removed yourself from his arms and gazed up at his now dry eyes and nodded.

"Yes, of course. I would never leave you at a time like this. Why don't we go inside though. You're hands are freezing." you said as you rubbed his baby soft fingers.

His eyes lit up, conquering the darkness they had held.

"After you Jo March."

You made it about three steps when your ankle turned, sending you plunging to your ass. Lee quickly caught you just before you hit the ground.

"Jo! Are you ok??"

You began hysterically laughing. "See, here's a prime example of what I just told you about me being accident prone."

Lee was relieved to hear you laugh but he saw you holding your ankle.

"Does it hurt?" he asked and placed his hand over yours.

"Not too much. I don't think I sprained it."

"I'll be the judge of that. Come here." He slipped an arm under your bent legs and one around your back. "Hold onto me."

"Lee, this really isn't necessary." you said as he swiftly hoisted you up without an ounce of effort, like you merely weighed that of a feather. A tiny whimper squeaked out of you as your face ended up only inches from his.

"Who's the doctor here?" he grinned and carried you inside. You giggled remembering these same words when he had tended to your burnt hand.

With gentle ease, he sat you down on the couch and then he knelt on the floor at your feet. He carefully removed your boot and held your bare foot as he glided his fingers over your ankle. Your entire body reacted to his sensual delicate touch, causing goosebumps to rise all over your arms and legs that thankfully your coat and leggings hid. As you watched his hand assess your ankle, your mind drifted into imaging that beautiful hand traveling up your entire leg and massaging your now aching region, in which you then tensed right up.....and Lee noticed.

"I'm sorry, did that hurt?" he asked as he removed his fingers, bringing you back to reality.

"Huh? oh...no...it's...your hand...it's...still cold." you completely lied, hoping your presumed flushed cheeks wouldn't give you away.

"Well, good news. It doesn't appear broken or sprained."

"Very good news indeed since I have a class to teach tomorrow morning."

"Class? You're a teacher?"

"No, not a school teacher. I teach ice skating lessons....which I was supposed to do this morning but I rescheduled it till tomorrow."

"You're an...ice skater?"

You laughed. "Is that so shocking?"

"Well considering your accident prone nature and happening to find the only unlevel spot in my yard, imagining you on two thin blades on top of a slick surface...yes." he said with a cute smirk. "You...didn't reschedule on my account I hope?"

""I'm actually the most stable on the ice as crazy as that sounds. But...yes..I wanted to come see you and after the call you received.. I am glad that I did. Orlando told me about what happened at the hospital. Lee...I am so sorry. I don't believe for one minute you made a mistake. I can't believe Britt would do this to you. Kinda pisses me off."

"Your belief in me means a lot Jo. She was just doing her job."

"I know, but...you've just been through so much Lee....and now your dad..."

"Let me go get you some ice to put on that just to make sure you're good to go for tomorrow."

He got up and went into the kitchen and took his coat off. You quickly slipped your boot back on and trotted after him.

"Lee, it's fine. I don't need it. See?" you said as you danced around in a circle and then stumbled into the stove.

Lee grinned at you with an astonished look. All he could think of in that moment was how damn cute you were, clumsiness and all....and the fact that you could still make him smile after learning about his father.

"What?" you giggled. "I totally meant to do that."

"Nothing. I still can't wrap my head around the fact you can ice skate but can't maneuver normally in a simple pair of flat boots." he then chuckled and shook his head.

"Hey!" you laughed and swatted him with a hand towel.

It was so good to see him laugh and smile, so you kept trying to do so.

"If you think that's bad, you should hear me sing. You'll hear dogs howling from down the street."

Lee cracked up at that comment and came towards you. For a moment, you were certain he was going to lean down, take you in his arms and kiss you.

But if that were true, another moment was yet again interrupted when the back door opened and in walked some blonde woman in blue scrubs.

"Oh! Lee...I am sorry. I didn't realize you had company...I...I just got home and my sitter said Dash was outside playing, but I can't find him and wondered if maybe he had come over here?"

You were sorta shocked to see some strange woman with a familiar voice just walk into Lee's house without even knocking first.

Lee quickly stepped back from you and introduced her.

"Oh hey...Jo, this is Angel, the nurse who called this morning. She umm, works there part time and also at the hospital...and happens to live right next door too. Dash is her son. He used to play with Jacob. Angel, this is Josie....my...friend."

"Hi." she simply said as you smiled at her, hiding how unnerved you were at how she just comfortably came right in and by Lee's reaction of moving away from you so abruptly.

"No, Angel, I haven't seen him. I'm sure he's probably out back somewhere. We were just outside but I'll go and check around my yard."

"Thank you Lee...and...I really am sorry about your dad. I wanted to just come home and tell you in person, but protocol, you know. I had to inform you while on duty, and you know, having to call you Dr. Pace and all. Are you going to come to the home later today to make his arrangements? I asked...your friend is it?, to tell you about that."

The way she looked at you and emphasized the word friend set you right off. Not to mention, Lee had just told her your name. She had certainly showed up here quite fast as well. Coincidence that it was after she learned there was a girl here with him? This woman clearly had the hots for Lee. Had they been involved once?

"It's Josie. Lee just told you, remember?"

"Oh right, right. Sorry, my mind is elsewhere. Lee, if you see Dash, could you send him home please, and if I find him, I'll text you...and if there's anything I can do Lee, anything at all for you, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you Angel. I'll do that. I'll probably wait till tomorrow to go take care of everything."

"Oh, ok. I'll be on shift in the afternoon. Look me up when you get there. I'd be glad to help out with that if you need it. Ok, well I am going to look for my kid so I can get some sleep. Got another shift tonight at the hospital. Nice to meet you Julie." she quipped and walked out the door.

"Josie." you retorted, completely dumbfounded by her passive aggressiveness.

"Wow, well isn't she interesting. Sure seems quite at home here and...even has a thing for you?"

Lee could see it all over your face how curious you now were about her.

"Jo...I can explain about her...she.."

"No...Lee...wait...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's none of my business. You don't owe me any explanations. I mean...we're just...friends...like you said...right? Like we also agreed on becoming that day in the driveway?"

He softly stared at you, knowing you were a little hurt.

"Jo...I think we both know there's something more here between us. Please...let me explain. I want to. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings or secrets between us....just honesty. I respect you too much. Jo...I said you were my friend...because you are. I've told you things I would never and have never told anyone else and you've been here for me in my darkest days...and I gave you every reason to leave, and you still stood by my side. That's a friend Jo...a best one even. I feel closer to you in only a matter of weeks than I even am with Orlando whom I've known since school....and something...something tells me I'm not in these feelings alone. Am I wrong?"

You scrambled for words at his heartfelt forthcoming admissions.

"Y...yes...I mean...no...you're not alone or wrong....so yes, I feel the same is what I meant...oh god I don't even know what the hell I'm saying...you...you have stood by me too. The hospital...the police station...and you literally stood up to Gerry and like...no one stands up to him....ever. Pretty hot.."

You couldn't believe you just said that as Lee formed a super smile.

"Did you just call me hot?"

"I said what you did was hot."

Of course he was hot. You'd have to be blind as a bat to think otherwise.

"No...no...you called me hot." he then smugly smirked.

"Ok..whatever, let's go look for this little boy." you chuckled and headed out the back door.

You both walked around the large yard and behind the garage while Lee called the boy's name. After ten minutes, Lee got a text from Angel that Dash was home. On the way back inside, Lee stopped in the yard and grabbed a shovel.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to level this spot out so you don't trip again."

You laughed. "Umm, I know that it is there now so...I doubt that will happen again."

"Says the girl who danced into my stove while completely sober."

"Ha...ha...ha!" you snarked.

Lee smiled and propped his hands over the shovel.

"Jo....Angel was Liz's friend. Our kids played together as I had said. The night after the funeral, I came home and got fucked up out of my mind and Angel came over to check on me....it...it was one time Jo...and I have never touched her since nor have had any desire to. A drunken mistake on my part...but on hers, it was different, so you were right, she has never made it not known of her feelings for me although I have made mine clear to her. She claimed she understood and we agreed to remain friends. She has taken care of my dad for quite a few years and has been very good to him and myself. I had him placed in the home shortly after Jacob died. He had Alzheimer's, which had progressed after my mom passed a few years before Jacob.....

Yesterday was his birthday and I had went to visit with him...I gave him the locomotive from Jacob's train set as a gift since he loved trains too and had bought that set for Jacob's 5th birthday. The same set that I found running earlier that morning that I had not turned on. It all makes sense now Jo...my dad had rare occasions of lucidity, knew who I was and everything, but mostly he only remembered the past...and that's all he talked about when I went to see him. I wanted to let him stay with me but I was never home, and when I was, I slept, so I felt it better he be in 24/7 care and closer to the hospital where I practically lived. I went faithfully to visit him three to four times every week and it was the same conversation each time....and each time I did what I wasn't supposed to do. I always told him the truth, that mom and Jacob were gone. I don't know why...I guess I was just having a hard time dealing with it all....but yesterday...I..I went along with his beliefs for the first time ever and for the first time, he knew it wasn't true. That moment of clarity came when he held the train piece and told me he knew Jacob and mom were gone....and then this morning, I saw the two of them...and then I soon after get the call that dad had passed away. Jo....my dad...he was on that train and somehow he knew he would be...because...he..he told me something he hadn't told me in years...and I know he told me because I had tried to go along with the charade yesterday for his sake......he said I was a good son...."

Lee lowered his head and closed his eyes.

Your heart imploded and you went to him, took the shovel and threw it to the ground, then wrapped your arms around his neck something fierce and spoke into his ear.

"It sounds to me like your father was right. You were...are a good son...the best son, because in the end, he knew it and told you so....and although I never knew him, I can see why he believed that about you. In the short time I have known you, you are the most sweetest, kindest, caring and compassionate man I have ever known Lee Pace. In fact, I knew it from the first time I saw your face....because I was scared and alone and you stayed by my side when you didn't have to."

He sniffled and brought his face in front of yours.

"The only angel I know or see is you. Don't ever believe otherwise."

He gently cupped your chin and began lowering his mouth to yours.

"Lee, hey sorry! Can I ask you a favor??"

Angel's voice sounded from over the fence. This couldn't be happening...again... and with every bone in your body, you knew it was intentional. She had been watching you and Lee, as the timing proved it.

"I know this is a total imposition, but is there any way you can watch Dash tonight? My sitter said she is not able to and I have that shift at the hospital I told you about. I swear, I'll make it up to you."

Lee glanced at you, then at Angel. You knew he wasn't going to decline as he was just too kind hearted to do so. You couldn't believe this woman, asking a man to care for her child only hours after he had lost his father. Completely taking advantage of his good heart and intentionally trying to shove a wedge between you and him. You knew her type all too well.

"Yeah sure...not a problem. He can come one over now if he'd like so you can sleep."

Lee went up to the fence and pulled the 10 year old long haired boy over the fence.

"Come here chief."

Lee was clearly good with kids too, which only made you adore him even more.

"Jo, this Dash...Dash this is my....greatest friend Jo." Lee said as he winked at you.

"Hi there Dash, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi...Jo." the sandy blonde haired boy shyly said.

"Is it ok if he calls you that?" Lee leaned towards you and whispered.

"Yeah, yeah of course. I don't mind."

"Lee, can you help show me how to cast my fishing pole?? I just got it and my mom is clueless."

Lee chuckled. "Sure Dash. No problem kiddo."

"Hey, well you two have fun. I will go and leave you guys to your fishing expeditions."

"Whoa, whoa, hey...Jo. No...please stay. I..I don't want you to go. Dash don't mind, right Dash?"

"Nope." he said as he tried casting his pole.

"See? So it's settled then. You have to stay. Tell you what, who's hungry? My treat, I'll order us some food."

"MEEEE!!" Dash shouted in joy. "Mom's food sucks ass."

You couldn't help but laugh and covered your mouth with apology as Lee grinned at you.

"Alright...how about my favorite food...Pizza!" Lee asked with enthusiasm. You couldn't believe it. Another thing you had in common with this perfect man. Lee came over to you smiling as he found you staring at him.

"Is...that alright? We can get something else if..."

"No...pizza...it's...it's my favorite too."

Lee's big smile came to a half smile of astonishment and he stared back at you.

"No shit....well pizza it is then my lady. Tell you what, why don't you go inside and order for us while I help Dash with his pole, anywhere you would like from...with anything on it except mushrooms. Dash hates them but me, all I ever get is pepperoni and mushrooms."

You were staring again.

"What?" Lee chuckled.

"Nothing...I...I'm just amazed, that's all. That's exactly what I get too."

"Well then sometime....maybe I could take you out and that's what we'll get? or...we could even stay in and do movies like we were supposed to the other night?"

"Yes...I would like that very much. Ok...I'll go place an order."

You ordered a jumbo with everything but the fungus and stood watching Lee and Dash from the kitchen window. You stupidly fantasized of this being your life and family someday...but you knew that would never be possible....at least the children part anyways. There were a lot of things Lee didn't know about you...and that was one part you were determined not to discuss....because...if Lee did actually think of you as a possible forever deal, would he want it without kids?

Lee and Dash came inside about 45 minutes later, and Dash headed straight for the TV.

"Hey...are you alright?" Lee asked as he found you sitting at the kitchen table drinking his whiskey.

"Yeah...sorry. I just felt like having a glass. I hope that is alright?"

"Sure, of course Jo. You can help yourself to anything you would like here."

The whiskey must have went straight to your gutter thoughts as you wondered if that included him. You wanted him so bad. More than anything you've ever wanted in your entire life.

Saved by the bell...the pizza had arrived. You and Lee sat on the couch as Dash sat on the floor eating his pizza and watching Twilight.

"I hope these movies are alright? Dash is bound and determined to watch the entire saga but I know he'll never make it past New Moon."

"Are you kidding? I love these movies. New moon happens to be my favorite part. Love the whole vampire, werewolf thing and love story. A fantasy world where things like that are real.

Lee studied your face for a moment. "Is that why you write fiction? To be in a world like that? or...just the love part?"

"What about the love part? it's so overrated in these movies. Everyone knows that part is the more unreal than fanged vampires and men shapeshifting into dogs. I don't even believe in love anymore."

But of course you did, because you knew you were in it...and it was scaring the hell out of you.

Lee rubbed your shoulder while you unintentionally vented.

"Lee, you gotta watch this part!! It's where the vampires are playing baseball in a thunderstorm and they can only hit the ball when it thunders so no one can hear it because they hit it super strong!" Dash excitedly shouted.

This time you were saved by the boy. The last thing you wanted to talk about with Lee was love.

Lee laughed. "Ok, ok, I'm watching."

When that movie was over, Lee turned on New moon for Dash and he began cleaning up. You helped him and followed him into the kitchen.

"I don't think Dash liked the pizza very well. He only ate about two small pieces and picked off the veggies."

"It's alright Jo, he's a kid. If he could live off of PB & J, he would. Won't be long, he'll be asking me for that and milk. Just watch."

"Oh I know, trust me, Jason and Bo used to be like that and.....sorry. I don't mean to bring them up."

Lee walked right over to you and took your hand.

"Don't ever apologize to me about talking about your family. Jo, you can talk to me...any time about your brothers. I like it when you talk to me...there's so much yet to learn about you...and I want to know it all Jo Marsh. I want to know every inch of you.....ok...ok, THAT did not come out right." he laughed and shook his head, while turning a bit red.

You also laughed. "I know what you meant. I feel the same way about you as well....I mean...wanting to know you. All of you."

"Hang on a sec..."

Lee scrolled through his phone to his pandora app, plugged it into the small speakers on the counter and hit play.

"Dance with me again?" he asked sweetly with such an adorable smile while holding his hand out to you. You were taken greatly aback when the song began. All of me by John Legend....and to blow your mind even more...he sang it while looking directly into your eyes...word for word....expressing one part in particular.....and I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me....

youtube

You lost it. Tears were flowing....and you tried to hide your face. He gently pulled it back to his and sang another part.

"How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying, you're beautiful too."

"Lee...I..."

"Lee, can I have a sandwich and milk? And you gotta eat one too, it's the rules! You too Jo...the good part is coming up, you gotta hurry and watch. It's when Jacob turns into a werewolf in front of Bella!!" Dash shouted as he came dashing in, interrupting yet another moment between you and Lee as you turned away, wiping your tears.

It was becoming quite evident that you were never going to have the moment with Lee you so desperately dreamed of....and the moment you so desperately dreaded because you could hear Orlando's words. "He's only going to hurt you Josie." A total mind fuck was happening in your head right now. Maybe this was all a sign....or maybe it was Orlando's words that were possibly only said to scare you because he wanted you all to himself....maybe it was that double shot of whiskey you drank on an empty stomach....and then had another with your pizza.

"Hey." Lee rubbed your arm. "I'll just be a minute making these up and I'll take it in to him, then come back."

"But you have to watch his favorite part?" you giggled.

"Actually, I'd rather not...it's not exactly easy hearing my son's name over and over in a movie. I can handle the first part because the werewolves aren't in it, but after that, I would prefer to not watch."

Lee took the milk and sandwiches in to Dash and came right back like he said he would....finding you pouring another drink.

"Jo....what's going on? Did I make you uncomfortable earlier? because if so, I swear that was not my intentions."

"Noo...no Lee. You've done nothing wrong and please stop worrying about me ok? You just lost your father."

"That doesn't mean I can't or won't worry about you too. Tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind."

"God...Lee...please stop."

"Stop what Jo? Stop wanting to know you? Stop trying to be close to you? I can't do that...not now... Let me in Jo. Talk to me...please!"

"What do you want from me???!! This is going too fast. I need to go....and Lee...I'm sorry I broke your pottery piece at your lake house." you randomly blurted out.

"Whoa, no hold up!" he said and gently turned you back to him as you tried to walk out.

"You...you saw it didn't you? Is that part of this? The fact that it was....you?"

You stared at him, completely stunned. "It...it was?"

His hands dropped from you, for he was stunned also.

"You...you mean you didn't notice it?"

"Nnn..no. I...ALL I noticed was your mouth devouring Jess'. OK, now I just really want to go."

"Jo, stop! What the fuck just happened here? What have I done to cause this 180? Have I scared you? because, let me tell you girl...I'm scared out of my mind too. I have sworn I would never...EVER let myself get in deep with anyone ever again...yet here I am...rolling in it. I have taken a head dive into dark waters that I can't see the bottom of, knowing perfectly well it could be shallow and it could kill me...and I...I don't care. You ask what I want from you. You Jo...I want you. All of you. I cannot be anymore honest than that. We've obviously both been burned badly, but maybe we were meant to find each other, heal each other...because when I met you, I swear to god above, I haven't been right since. I didn't want this. I didn't ask for it...ok wait, that's a lie. I wished for it. The night we both wished on 11:11...I wished for you...and I did it again today at that exact time...and 5 minutes later, you showed up... Not once, ever in my life, have I felt like this for another woman...and I can feel it, that you feel the same way...and if I am wrong, then you tell me right now, and I will leave you alone and you will never see me again."

"I....I can't! You're not wrong! and I am scared ok? I am scared I will fall and you won't catch me."

"I will catch you and I will carry you, just as I did tonight."

"I...I am scared of that too Lee...."

"I..I have to go...I have my class at 9 am. Thank you for the pizza and..."

"Jo, please don't...you've been drinking and....god I don't want you to go. Please...stay with me....don't leave me."

"Lee...I...I can't stay here....Dash is here for one thing and...you gotta be up tomorrow too to tend to your dad's arrangements. Believe me, I...I do not want to go."

"Then damn it Jo, don't!" he snapped as he pulled you to him. "We have cried together so there's no reason you should cry alone. Ain't that what you told me?"

He leaned down to kiss you but this time, you stopped it by putting your fingers over his mouth.

"Lee...please don't...let me go."

"No...because what I just heard was....please don't let me go...."

You pried yourself free. Crying, you grabbed your coat and purse and walked out, leaving him standing in disbelief.

"No...Jo...I won't let you go." he quietly said.

Lee bolted out the door but he was too late. You were driving away.

"Jo!!!" he cried as you watched him in the rear view mirror standing in the middle of the street.

"I...I love you...." he whispered as he watched your tail lights disappear around the corner.

@redeemer46

#lee pace #lee pace fanfiction #code blue #doctors #slow burn #slow build #love stories #dark stories

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bteezxyewriter12 · 2 years

Text

Save Me/ 23

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 3.3k

Includes- birth, so much fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @delightfulmoonbanana

@tannie13 @yeosayang @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @y00nzin0 @kjqueen05

DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!

Series Masterlist

Yoongi POV

I'm so nervous

All the time

Joanne is so close to her due date and I'm freaking out

Erik can come anytime

I've never done this before

Every stupid scenario of what can go wrong keeps popping in my head

I'm not working for now

I'm taking time off to be with her and Erik when he's born

I'm not going to be a dad who lets the mom do everything

I want to help her

So I took off for three months to spend time with my family

Han-jae was found guilty for the two counts of attempted murder and sentenced to two life sentences

His trial in Busan is going to start next month

Because Joanne is giving birth and will have a newborn, the Busan DA is fine with her testifying over a video call like she did for this trial.

And she only has to do it once

I'm actually happy this is over and so is she

Ever since Han-jae's sentence she's relaxed so much

She's always happy, smiling and laughing

Just like she used to be

She's excited for Erik to come but she's also a little scared

Mostly she's scared about the pain

But I told her that if she can survive what she went through, then birth is a piece of cake

She laughed but agreed with me

"Relax Yoongi", she giggles, pulling me next to her on the couch, holding my hand, "Stop getting up naekkeo"

I keep getting up to get her stuff and to pace around

Her stomach has been hurting all day but she doesn't think it's contractions

I don't know what to think and I'm scared

"Sorry baby. I just never been this nervous before"

"Not even for your first performance?", she smiles

"No baby. I'm more nervous now"

"Why?"

"Because jagi, I'm scared for you. I'm scared something is going to happen. And I'm going to be a dad jagi. What if I suck?"

"You're not going to suck Yoongi. Remember when you heard me talking to Erik telling him about you?"

I nod

"I meant every word naekkeo. You're going to be the best dad ever. You already love him so much. Don't worry baby", she assures me

"Thanks Jo. You're the best"

"I try", she jokes

I put my arm around her, holding her close to me while we watch t.v.

After awhile, she says, "I have to go to the bathroom naekkeo"

I nod, helping her stand up

I sit back watching the show while she leaves the living room

"Uh Yoongi?", she calls

"Yeah baby?"

"Uh can you come here please?", she asks, sounding nervous

I shoot up immediately and walk quickly to her

She's standing in the hallway, facing me, her eyes wide

Her pants are all wet and there's water all over the floor

"My water broke", she whispers

Oh shit

The baby is coming

"Uh ok jagi. Ok. Don't be scared. We uh we can do this baby."

"Ahhh", she yells, hers arms going to her stomach as she doubles over

"What? What jagi?", I shriek

"It hurts", she gasps, leaning against the wall

Fuck

"Ok baby. Ok"

I try to stay calm as I walk to her

"C'mon jagi. We uh can change your pants and then we'll go to the hospital ok?"

She nods as I lead her to the bedroom

I help her change, then get the small bag she packed for the hospital

She's going to be there for at least two days with Erik, so she packed the bag

We've been in the hospital for six hours with her laying on the hospital bed, still in pain and sweating

She's moaning in pain as I help her stand, and get her out of the apartment

---------------------------

As soon as we came in, they put her in a room, in a hospital gown and we've been here since

I called the guys and they came too

They're allowed in the room with us until she's ready to give birth

We're waiting for the nurses to come give her an epidural for the pain

I move some sweaty hair from her face

"Does it hurt a lot baby?", I ask

She glares at me, "What the fuck do you think?"

My eyes widen in shock

She's never talked to me like that before

But I know she doesn't mean it

She's just in pain

She yells as another contraction comes

When it's done, she looks up at me, "I'm sorry naekkeo. I didn't mean to be mean to you"

"I know jagi. It's ok. I'm sorry it hurts"

She gives me a weak smile, then closes her eyes, breathing hard

"Where's the fucking nurse?", she yells

I glance at the guys

"I'll find out", Hobi answers and runs out of the room

"Did I scare him?", she asks, upset, "I didn't mean to"

"It's ok jagi, Hobi knows", I answer

She nods

Hobi comes back a few minutes later

"They said they're calling the doctor to come give her the shot"

"Fuck", she cries

"I..I'm sorry Jo", Hobi says hesitantly

"It's ok Hobi. Thank you. I'm sorry for scaring you", she answers

"It's ok Jo"

Hobi walks to the other side of the room and sits with the guys

"Yoongi. Why is it taking so long?", she whispers

"I don't know jagi. I'll ask again in a few minutes ok?"

She nods and reaches for my hand

I move my hand in hers, holding it tightly

I hope these freaking nurses get her the shot soon so she can relax a little

An hour later the nurse comes in to check on her

"Where's the shot?", she growls

I feel so bad for her

She's in more pain than before and she's sweating so much

The contractions are coming faster with a minute between them and they're more intense

I've been sitting next to her the whole time, holding her hand, playing with her hair, wiping her sweat away, telling her I love her

The guys are scared of her right now and don't say anything to her

They're here for her but they don't talk

"I'm going to check you first before we give you the epidural"

"What the fuck! I've been here for seven hours! How long does it take for a shot?", she yells

"We have to wait for an anesthesiologist to come down to administer it"

"We're in a hospital! Get one!", she yells

"We're working on it"

If looks could kill, this nurse would be dead

"Motherfucker!", she screams as she grabs her stomach and squeezes my hand so hard

I breath through my nose and keep my mouth closed so I don't yell in pain

I'm scared she'll yell at me

I know that the pain in my hand is nothing compared to what she's feeling

"You are almost 10cm. We can't give you the epidural now. We're just going to have to take you off it as soon as we give it to you"

She stares at the nurse in pure anger and shock and I know.. she's going to go off

She bursts into tears and starts sobbing, "It hurts! Why didn't you fucking give me it as soon as I came in? I fucking asked you for it over and over!"

I'm actually pissed off too

They knew she wanted the shot, the guys kept going out to ask them and they just kept saying that they're getting the doctor

And now they can't give it to her

"What the fuck kind of hospital is this?", I snap

The nurse turns to look at me in surprise

"You knew she needed the shot but you took forever to get it."

"We called the anesthesiologist-"

"You should have one here all the time! Babies are born everyday! Do you do this to the other mother's too? Keep them in pain until it's too late to give them the shot?"

"Nnn...no that's not-"

"Get out. Don't come back until she's ready to have the baby. And you can bet I'm fucking complaining about this shit."

"I...uh..."

"Get out"

The nurse practically runs out the door

"I'm sorry jagi", I turn to het

Her eyes are closed, her face in pain and she's crying

"Yoongi", she cries

"I know baby. I'm sorry", I tell her, standing up and running my fingers in her hair

She loves that and I'm trying to keep her calm

Bending over, I kiss her forehead

"How am I going to do this Yoongi? It hurts so much. It's going to hurt so much more trying to get him out. I'm scared"

My heart breaks for her and to tell the truth I'm terrified for her too

But I can't tell her that

"You can do it Jo. You're strong and tough. I know you can", I say, "And I'll be right next to you ok? I'm here, I'll do whatever you want me to to help you. I love you"

She looks up at me, "I love you"

I smile at her and she gives me a pained smile

Then her face changes to pain and she yells again

"Yoongi!", she yells

Jesus, I hope this baby comes soon so she can feel better

---------------------------

"What is it jagi?", I ask snapping awake

It's been another two hours and I'm falling asleep

"The baby's coming now! I need the doctor. He's coming"

"Wwwhhat?", I panic

"Holy shit", Jungkook yells

"Oh my god", Hobi gasps

"I feel him coming. I have to push him out and I need a doctor and nurses. Now!", she shouts then screams in pain

"I'll get the doctor", Jin yells already running to the door

"I'll help him", Jimin shouts running after Jin

I turn to the other guys, "You should probably leave too. You can't be here when she gives birth"

One by one they get up and leave the room

"He's coming Yoongi"

"I know jagi. I know. It'll be over soon ok?"

She nods, tears streaming down her face

A nurse comes running inside and checks her

"Shit. I can see his head. We got to get her to the delivery room"

The nurse pressed a button on the wall and in a few seconds, other nurses come running in

"We have to move her bed", one says

They all go around her bed and start pushing it

We go out of the room, right into another one a few doors down

Dr. Lim walks in already in scrubs

"Let's see what's happening"

Joanne is staring daggers at her

She lifts Joanne's gown to look

"Ok you're ready"

She turns to a nurse, "Move the back of the bed to prop her up"

I move so the nurse can do it and when she's done, I move right back, her hand in mine again

Dr. Lim looks at her and nods, "Push"

J POV

She takes a breath and yells as she pushes

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

I'm so pissed off, scared and tired

I had to deal with massive pain the entire time I was here

The stupid nurses couldn't get an anesthesiologist to get to my room

What the fuck is that?

There's fucking doctors all over

It's a fucking hospital

The pain is so intense, it's driving me crazy

"Push", Dr. Lim orders

"Ahhhhhhhh", I yell, pushing

I take a breath, tears blinding me so I can't see

God the pain is taking over

I feel his head there and it feels like I'm being torn up trying to get him out

I grip Yoongi's hand so hard

I feel bad that I'm hurting him but I need him

"Push"

I push again breathing hard

"You're doing good jagi", he whispers to me

I nod and keep going with Yoongi whispering encouraging words to me

I'm so happy he's here

He's making everything better even though the pain is fucking insane

"He's almost here baby. Keep going."

"His head is almost out. Push harder"

"I can't do this", I cry

I'm so exhausted and I just want to sleep

"You can do it Jo. You can. You're my strong girl, you can do anything", Yoongi whispers, kissing my head and pushing my sweaty hair out of my face

His words help and the next push has me screaming at the top of my lungs, my eyes shut tight

"Head is out. One more Joanne. Come on"

"One more jagi. Just one more. You can do it"

I nod, breath and push hard

Pain leaves my body as Dr. Lim yells, "He's out"

I collapse against the bed as crying fills the room

He's here

I feel something being put on my chest

Opening my eyes, I look down and see the most beautiful boy I've ever seen in my life

My arms move to hold him on me as I stroke his head

"Yoongi", I whisper, starting to cry, "He's here"

"Yeah Jo. I see him"

Yoongi moves closer and touches Erik's head

"He's here", he says, tears running down his face too

"He looks like you", I tell him

"And you too jagi"

I move my head, kissing Erik's forehead

"I love you", I tell my baby

"I love you too", Yoongi tells him

"Joanne, we have to take the baby now", Dr. Lim says

"Already?", I panic

She nods, "Yes. He's going to have his first check up, we're going to clean him up and make him cute for you both."

I nod but I don't want to be away from him yet

A nurse comes over to take him and I reluctantly let her

"You're going to get a room and we'll bring him to you as soon as he's ready"

I nod, watching her take my baby away

Yoongi's hand is still in mine and I squeeze it

He smiles as he looks down at me, "You did great jagi"

"I couldn't have done it without you naekkeo"

"Hi Erik", Yoongi says as he holds his son

He leans down and gives me soft sweet kiss before the doctors come over to get me cleaned up

---------------------------

He hasn't stopped staring at him since he picked Erik up

It's so cute

I'm taking so many pictures of him and Erik already

"I love you Erik. I'm going to protect you always"

I smile hearing him

As soon as the nurse brought Erik to our room, Yoongi immediately wanted to hold him

He took him and hasn't let go yet

He stops walking and sits on the bed with me

"You want to hold him jagi?"

I smile, "It's ok Yoongi. He was with me for nine months. I know you want to keep holding him, so it's ok"

"You sure?"

"Yeah naekkeo. I'll hold him in a little"

I watch him smile and baby talk Erik and it's so adorable

Yoongi hasn't stopped smiling since he laid eyes on him

"Yoongi", I call softly, holding up my phone

He looks up and when he sees me with the phone, he moves Erik to his other arm to pose with him

Yoongi's gorgeous smile breaks on his face and I snap the picture

Definitely printing that one out

The door opens, a nurse coming in the room

"Ready to try breast feeding?"

I nod

I'm a little scared, I heard that it hurts

Yoongi hand me Erik and I hold him close to my boob

"First you need to know if your baby is hungry"

I look at him and I can't tell

"The signs of hunger for a newborn are putting his hands to mouth, turning his head towards your breast. Or bottle if you choose that route. Other signs are puckers, smacks, or licks lips or has clenched hands"

That's a lot of information thrown at me right now

"I got it jagi", Yoongi says, holding his phone up

I see he has a note app open, typing on it

He's taking notes and it's so cute

The nurse takes Erik and asks me to take off the top of the hospital gown

Pulling it down, I feel my face get red as my scars are exposed

Yoongi is at my side immediately, running his fingers in my hair

"It's ok jagi", he says softly, calming me

I'm handed Erik back and the nurse further explains how to breastfeed him

"So first is he hungry?"

I look down at him

His hand is in his mouth

"Uh yes", I answer

She nods

I follow her steps as she says them, touching my nipple to his mouth

He opens his mouth and I pull him closer to my nipple

I thought I was supposed bring my nipple to him but no, I have to bring him to it

I help guide my nipple into his mouth and he gets a mouthful, closing his mouth and immediately starts sucking

I wince as a little pain occurs

"That's great. He latched on perfectly. If you get him on your breast this way every time you'll be fine with breastfeeding"

"Is it supposed to hurt?"

"Well only because your breast is tender. If it hurts other than that, then he latched on wrong"

Ok, well let's hope he never does that

"After twenty minutes, you can switch him to your other breast"

Twenty minutes?

"And how long should he be on that breast for?"

"Twenty minutes or so"

Forty minutes for breastfeeding?

Jesus

"Do that for now until you get used to his schedule. Try not to follow a strict time schedule, breast feeding between every two to four hours. But mainly follow his hunger schedule. His signs"

"What about when he's asleep?", Yoongi asks

"You can gently wake him up and feed him if he sleeps for more than four hours. He needs to gain the weight so it's ok to wake him"

Yoongi furiously types into his phone, while I hold Erik watching and cuddling him

"The signs for a baby being full is if his hands unclench or he pulls off your nipple on his own. Then you can burp him", she explains, "I'll be back in an hour and you can tell me how it goes"

"Alright. Thank you", I tell her

"No problem", she smiles, then leaves

Yoongi sits next to me, his arm around me and I lean my head on his shoulder

"Does it hurt jagi?"

"A little. I think my boobs are just tender like she said"

"Sensitive?", he teases

I nod

"Aww jagi", he coos, kissing my cheek

After twenty minutes, I shift him to my other nipple

I think he latched on good, still drinking

After ten minutes, Erik let's go on his own, his head Turing away from my breast

Guess he's done

Yoongi gets a cloth from his little crib and hands it to me

Putting it on my shoulder, I hold him upright, softly patting his back

It takes like five minutes then I hear a loud burp, Yoongi laughing

"That was so cute"

"He's so loud. Like his dad", I tease him

"I'm not that loud"

"Please Yoongi", I roll my eyes

I pay him for an extra minute, getting another burp

Moving him back into a cradle position, I take the clothes and wipe his mouth softly

I just look at my beautiful baby as I hold him, his brown eyes looking around

"Erik", I call softly, his eyes moving to me, "Hi baby"

He gurgles then starts looking around again

Yoongi reaches out and touches his hand

Erik immediately wraps his tiny hand around Yoongi's finger, a beautiful smile on Yoongi's face

"He's strong. Squeezing hard"

"Like his dad", I say, "He's beautiful like his dad too"

"And like his mom", he says, holding me tighter, "And he's super strong like his amazing mother"

I smile softly, feeling so warm inside from Yoongi's words

Erik's eyes slowly starts to close and within a minute he's asleep

"Look what we made", I whisper to Yoongi, looking at my gorgeous baby boy

"Yea jagi. We did good", he says

I nod, "Really good"

I feel completely happy with my two boys and I never want this feeling to end

#save me #yoongi fic #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi fanfic #min yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi fic #min yoongi fanfic #bts yoongi fic #bts yoongi fanfic #suga fic #suga fanfic #suga fanfiction #bts suga fanfic #bts suga fic #bts fic #bts fanfic #btsfanfiction

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apinchofm · 2 years

Text

Chrysanthemums

Marina has to speak to George - set in between chapters 23 and 24!

Taglist: @hptriviachamp @alexguerinss @wenellyb @viscountessevie @alrightsnaps @sophiamariabeckett @hallownightsblog @angel-starbeam @blondeinromance @little-space-babe @basketcase1880 @phoebe36 @isdathriantionnsgnadh @the-other-art-blog

"I'm really excited about the Vanda Falacta coming. I think I may have to store it in the greenhouse...George?" Philip stopped, noticing the faraway look in his eyes.

The two brothers were sat in a crowded bistro, meeting for a rare lunch. Whilst they were close, spending time on a weekday was rare for them.

"Sorry, Philip, just deep in thought." George said, "Invite me round, I want to see how your greenhouse is coming along." He admired his brother's botany, even if he didn't fully understand it.

"I have some plants for Marina. Succulents, I know she gets nervous with high-maintenance plants. How she grew up on a farm..." He shook his head, amused at the spats he and Marina could get into over gardening.

"She can grow tomatoes and herbs, but flowers scare her." George chuckled then his face fell slightly.

Philip smiled sadly, "George, what's wrong? Is Marina okay?"

"Yes. She is. But I'm worried. She hasn't been feeling well for the past few weeks, and whenever I ask her what's wrong, she rushes to the Academy or to the store. She changed doctors on the plan."

"Perhaps she doesn't want to worry you, George. You do a lot, and it's probably a bug or..." Philip trailed off, his eyes widened.

"What?" George pressed, watching his little brother mentally finish his thought - a first for him.

"I think you should buy Marina some Chrysanthemums."

...

George arrived home, flowers in hand

"Soph, hey!" He smiled widely and hugged his friend, "Staying for dinner?"

"No, Ben's already cooking, but thank you. I am just telling you now, you will adore Marina's dress!"

"Jeez, Soph, why not sketch it for him?" Marina chastised.

"Anyway, I will leave you too to talk," Sophie said purposefully, "Bye!"

Marina glared at the door as she left. She could curse Sophie and her future offspring.

"She is right. We should talk." George said. Clearly Sophie knew what was going on with his fiancée.

"About the housekeeper idea? I think it would be okay for like, holidays and stuff. Dust in homes after two weeks can be awful," Marina said quickly, making her way to the kitchen, "I'm hungry, what about you? Shall we order in? Maybe from that Thai place-"

"Marina!" He stopped her, grabbing her shoulders gently, "Tell me, sweetheart. What's wrong?"

"You'll hate me."

"I doubt that."

She shook her head, and her eyes widened as she began to choke up. Marina was not a crier.

"I'm pregnant." George froze and pulled her from his chest to look at her. She sniffled and backed away, "See? You hate me!"

"No, I'm in shock. Are you sure?" They sometimes used protection; she was on the pill.

Marina nodded, "I missed two periods, and there are seven pregnancy tests in my bathroom drawer. I lied about the bloody tampons."

"I figured," He chuckled, knowing she was a germaphobe "Oh, M. What do you want to do?

"You are happy?" Marina said quietly.

"Of course I am!" George told her, pulling her in for another hug and kissing the side of her head, "God, I'm overjoyed and relieved that it wasn't anything too serious. Not that a baby isn't serious, of course. I should start preparing. "

"But we're not married yet," She pouted slightly.

He grinned, "Miss Marina Thompson, are you becoming a traditionalist? What would your mother say?" She playfully pushed him, and he laughed, gently smoothing back her curls, "Darling, I want your babies. Our babies. Married or not. Okay? You are going to be such

"And you'll be the best dad!" Marina smiled, pressing her forehead against his, "But you'll have to marry me first."

#side fic: ruin #marina thompson #george crane #modern au #philip crane #sophie beckett #bridgerton #bridgerton au

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mediamixs · 1 year

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Halloween: a horror micro-story for every day of October

October begins today, the month of Halloween. To celebrate, here you will find 31 horror micro-stories, which are by anonymous authors and have been collected from various forums and internet websites.

1-Scratching Growing up with cats I got used to the sound of scratching on my bedroom door while I slept. Now that I live alone it is much more disturbing.

2-Friendless I got a text from my friend asking me when I'm going to go play at his house. I have no friends.

3-Dolls When I was a kid I was teased for playing with dolls. Now they are dead, and all my dolls are alive.

4-Surprise You were disturbed to see me. I thought I heard you missed me, today while I was being watched over.

5-Femicide My mother forbade me to talk about seeing and talking to dead people, now she's harassing me to denounce Dad for killing her.

6-A Shadow That shadow at the end of the hallway scared me. I closed my eyes but never opened them again.

7-Funeral The funeral attendees never came out of the catacombs. Something locked the crypt door from the inside.

8-TV My TV keeps turning on by itself. It’s annoying, but what’s more worrisome is how it only shows footage of me standing in my living room.

9-Best time My mom told me she had the best time playing with my little sister today. My sister went missing in 2002 — they found her body in 2006.

10-Children I just saw the children playing, admiring how high they have swung. But others tell me they’re just swaying in the wind where they were hung.

11-Bell Can you hear the beautiful ring of the bell? That means it’s time to drag you down to hell.

12-Run Roses are red, violets are blue. You’d better run, I’m coming for you.

13-Head Wrapped in sheets and cuddled in bed.You’ll foolishly expose your sweet, precious head…

14-It was me I arrived at the funeral a few minutes late. Nobody acknowledged me, and I figured out why when I looked into the casket and saw myself.

15-Nobody As I walked up the driveway with my new friend, I introduced him to my dad. “What friend?!” he asked with bewilderment in his eyes.

16-The thing She woke up to an unusual silence in their bedroom. She looked over as the thing that laid where her husband use to be rose from under the sheets.

17-The other When she turned around, she saw her own self, dressed in different clothes. Her heart went into shock and the other self gently helped her to the floor as she died.

18-Mystery I got a haunted doll in the mail today. If only I could find where she ran off too…

19-Neighbor I opened my front door to the frantic pounding of my next door neighbor. To my horror it was something that was wearing his skin…

20-Good Taste The stew I was eating was delicious, and I wanted to give my husband a taste. That’s when I found his wedding ring in my bowl, still on his finger.

21-Obsession Every morning my husband tells me he loves me, I really wish he’d stop. I murdered him last year, but he still won’t leave me alone.

22-The last day Being the first to respond to a fatal car accident is always the most traumatic thing I see as a police officer. But today, when the crushed body of the little dead boy strapped in his car seat opened his eyes and giggled at me when I tried to peel him out of the wreckage, I immediately knew that today would be my last day on the force.

23-Loyal dog The dog sits at my gate every morning and night when I leave and come home from work. Even after all this time she can still smell her owner’s blood on my hands.

24-A stranger in the mirror I’d been noticing it for months, that tiny lag in my reflection, not that anyone believed me. Today was different she didn’t even attempt to mimic me she stood there smiling, I think she wants to come out.

25-She is dead My kids were excited to tell me about the day they just had with their mother. I don't know how to tell them she died this morning on the way to work.

26-Hand After dating all through high school and college, our daughter’s boyfriend finally came by today to ask my husband and me for her hand. We gave it to him, hoping that he’ll finally tell us where the rest of her is.

27-Revenge When I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of cracking, I am aware that it is her rigor mortis body snapping unto itself as she crawls down the hallway . I knew it was only a matter of time before she would seek her revenge.

28-Angel of death My grandmother told me it was a gift to see the angel of death in front of people’s houses, to know he would be collecting someone there soon. I thought it was a gift too, until the day I began to see it in front of every house.

29-Alive or dead? I think I’m dead. But the other spirits keep telling me I’m alive.

30-Coffin There was a photo of me sleeping on beautiful red silk on my phone. What I don’t know is how the phone got into the coffin with me.

31-Only child I used to be considered the evil twin. But now I’m considered an only child.

#horror #halloween #october #micro-story

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fenotheidiot · 1 year

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Dream log 26 & 27-08-23

26-08-23

I had a nightmare of experiencing the biggest earthquake ever that i couldn't even wake up to sit

27-08-23

I had 3 dreams in one sleep

1. Was going somewhere and then my motorcycle broke down in the middle of my trip

So we were planning to go on a trip but forst i needed to buy something to prepare, so i went to a store in the next city (idk why) it kinda looks like Indomaret and my dad owns it, but when i arrived there, the thing that i'm looking for wasn't there so i head back home. But in the middle my motorcycle brakes are completely broke all of a sudden so i have to stop. But later on somehow a random girl just drove me home with motorcycle. I told her my brakes are broken so she later finds out herself and then she now realized this is bad but she's still going anyway despite that so i go along with it. After that i forgor or it just ends right there :P

2. My bother's pet turns my house into a jungle

I was back in my parent's house. I went upstairs came surprised when i saw 3 bunnies inside my sister's room. Then i just remembered my brother do have some pet bunnies.

Then all of a sudden a lil croc just run into the room like a fuckin gremlin lol and i was shocked for a bit. Then i remembered my brother do have a pet crocodile but i feel like it was dead tho. I take a second look and the lil croc fella was greener than i remembered.

I went out of the room looking for my brother but again i was shocked by the flood that fills the whole upstairs. I hop on some of the stone so i don't touch the waters and then i saw my brother was standing on a bigger stone platform that has stalagmites attaching from the platform to the ceiling (at this point the whole rooms feels like a cave pool with murky waters. My brother points out the bunnies in my sister's room and i reoly "i know" then i asked about the croc and he said "oh yeah, that's one of their younglings, you'd better watch out for their mother". Then i look down and then there she is peeking on the water beneath my feet and then idk, it got my foot or somethin idk lol i forgor

3. My first Lucid dream?

This one was pretty silly, so i was in a hallway, kinda like a european/american school or an office hallway with a blue carpet in the middle (basically some kinda of liminal space. I was chased by a dark brown monster with big dark dead eyes staring into my soul and big creepy with considerably long head. He kinda made out of bronze or somethin but have a bit more yellow glow. So i kept runnin and go inside each rooms but some of these doors are weird like some of them are small like lockers which is why i sometimes confused it with actual lockers (or maybe i'm just stupid) and everytime i go into a room it always either like an office with no people or some people there workin but ignored me who's being chased by that monster or and empty office room without any furniture. I kept going into rooms and rooms until i got into a dead end and the monster caught me. I think then i woke up a bit and realized it was just a nightmare and thought "hey that was pretty cool, it feels like a video game" so went back to sleep trying to get the same dream lol.

I got the same dream and this time i treat it like a video game. My 2nd round wasn't that bad. I tried a strategy of being more quiet but it slows me down and the monster was catching up so i had to go fast and loud aaaannd eventually the monster caught me again. This is basically like that png chase gmod game at this point lmao.

Then the 3rd time i didn't expect there was 2 of my friends Amar and Andi Fikri was playing with me in this dream. I think i did worse on this one cuz i kept opening lockers instead of doors and i tried the same strategy but the monster was faster than i thought so i had to go fast while trying to maintain my silence. I got into a dead end and i accepted my defeat. Everything was quiet all of a sudden for a few seconds. I turn back slowly like a classic horror movie style and then boom jumpscared. I know i was lost but i couldn't wake up and it was hard to breathe cuz i got fuckin stuffed nose. I tried so hard and thankfully i woke up. At that point i think i was abusing too much of my power lol.

#dream #dream log

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lokisprettygirl · 2 years

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The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read Chapter 22 // Series Masterlist

Chapter 23

Summary : Loki saw you kissing Peter but will he give you a chance to clarify?

Trigger Warning : 18+, Daddy kink, Some smut, Mention of Suicide, Rape, abuse, sexual violence, Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, blackmail, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I'm (loki is) developing

"What did you want to talk about?" You asked Peter as you placed your forearms on the railing of the balcony, he was standing too close to you and you didn't know how you felt about that.

"I just..I wanted to apologize" you looked at him as he said that.

"For what?"

"For everything..for giving up on you back then..for giving up on us" his eyes teared up and so did yours. Where was this coming from?

"Well why did you ditch me?" Your jaw clenched as you questioned him.

"I caught you kissing someone else" you looked at him shocked as he said that,

"What do you mean? I never cheated on you pete, you knew..you knew what you meant to me" your voice choked on your tears so he grabbed your shoulders and pull you closer,

"Remember my dad's birthday party?" He asked you and you nodded. How could you forget? That was the day you had him in your life for the last time, he didn't even look at you from the next day onwards.

"I'll never forget that day" your lips trembled and he pulled you closer.

"I saw you with Harry in my bedroom, I was so hurt and disgusted, I just..I was heartbroken y/n ..you have no idea.."

"Wait wait Harry? Harry who? I don't..what are you talking about?" You asked him and he sighed.

"I saw you making out with him in my bedroom, you woke up the next morning in my bedroom, do you remember that?"

"Yes but I don't remember much from the night, I think I got too drunk" you weren't lying to him, you didn't remember much from the night, you just remembered falling asleep and when you woke up he didn't even want to see you.

"No you were roofied y/n, Katlyn did it, I heard her telling Steve last week, she doesn't know that I know the truth now, when I asked to come here she must have thought of it as an opportunity to hurt you even more"

Your eyes widened in shock and hurt, you knew she never liked you, and you knew she told him something about you but you never would have thought that she would stoop so low, you all were just kids.

"Roofied?" He pulled you even closer as you said that.

"Yes she roofied your drink and sent Harry so she could use your delirious state against you, I'm so sorry"

You placed your hand on your head as you felt so weak and disgusted. You hated her, you wanted to hurt her so bad right now.

"Why didn't you ask me? You never even tried to clarify? Why Peter why" You sobbed and he pulled you into his chest to hug you.

"I know, I wish I would have but I wasn't thinking, I saw what I saw and there was no way you could have justified what I witnessed, and I'm sorry ..I'm so sorry I believed everything she said after that, I was broken and she was there for me and I just..I made a mistake y/n"

His eyes were teary too and you could tell that he was being sincere but there was no point in discussing any of this anymore.

"I needed you, my mom died and I called you, you never came, you never responded" you sobbed as you tried to pull away from him. You needed loki, he was the only one you wanted to be with right now.

"I know..I was still hurt and I just..god I'm sorry y/n, I'm sorry" he kissed your forehead and you couldn't stop crying either, you were all alone all this time and he never tried to contact you. He hated himself for letting you down so badly but he wanted to fix what he has done. He wanted you back, he didn't want you to marry Steve. That's when he kissed you and it took you back to the time you had spent with him, his touch felt familiar and you got lost in it for a moment

"Baby I'm sorry" he whispered against your mouth and you pushed him as soon as you heard that, that's when you saw Loki, his eyes were teary, he was hurt and you knew you had fucked up badly this time.

"Lokii" you whispered so Peter looked behind at him.

"Steve is calling you" he turned around and left after he said that, you followed him but Peter grabbed your arm so you turned around to look at him.

"Leave me Peter" you asked him to leave your hand but he pulled you closer instead.

"Y/n listen to me I know you're getting married but I just..I can't let that happen, I know I don't deserve this but I know you're not happy with him are you?"

He asked you and you couldn't believe your luck, you were all alone all these years and he never turned up but now that you had someone, he came back too.

He was adamant on the fact that you weren't happy with Steve, which wasn't a lie but you were happy with Loki. You have never been happier so you told Peter what you should have told Loki. You didn't take his name as you didn't want him to get in trouble but you had to tell Peter the truth.

As you finished your words he let go of your hand, you went back to the party and you couldn't find Loki anywhere, you bumped into Steve instead and he was too drunk for his own good.

"Go home whore, I'm gonna stay here and I don't want to see your face anymore" he mumbled to you so you called Loki and he told you to come out of the venue and that he'd escort you out safely.

As you stepped out he made you sit inside and instead of sitting next to you like he always does he sat in the front instead. He was upset and that broke your heart because you knew he was hurting. You'd be hurt too if you saw him kissing someone else. You took out your phone and texted him hoping that he'd respond.

He didn't respond after that last message and you felt too anxious, moments like these made you feel so weak that you didn't think you'd be able to survive anymore. You don't even know how you survived Peter leaving you and as much as it hurt at the time, kissing him again just wasn't the same, you still cared about him but the feeling of love wasn't there. You didn't love him, you loved Loki, and even if he chooses to not love you anymore, you'd continue to love him.

As soon as he had you inside the mansion safely, he stormed upstairs, didn't even look at you, you knew he was hurt and he was scared of being left again, you didn't blame him. You wanted to tell him the truth but how could you when he won't listen to you?

Loki saw what he saw, he saw Peter kissing you but he also saw you not willing to push him away, you stood there and allowed him to kiss you until he mumbled something to you, that's when you pushed him away. He couldn't hear what Peter said but whatever he said made you push him away, he wanted to talk to you but he felt too conflicted right now. What if you never got over him, what if it's him you need and want in your life? Peter can provide you a lavish life, your father won't hurt him either, maybe that would be easier for you.

He was willing to give you up for your own good but he had to know if that's what you wanted, he didn't want to hurt you or leave you again but he also didn't want to be someone you picked only because you didn't have any other option in your life.

When he heard the knock on the door, he opened it instantly, you noticed that he had taken his tie off and few of the top buttons of his black shirt were undone, his coat was thrown in the corner of the room and his hair was as messy as it was when you two woke up this morning. You knew it was a nervous tick, he ran his hands through his hair alot when he was distressed.

"Loo" he turned around and got inside as everytime he looked at you he saw Peter kissing you, it hurt him when Steve touched you but at least he knew that you despised him and didn't want him to touch you. But with Peter, he had no idea what you wanted and that scared him.

You closed the door and locked it then you hugged him from behind.

"Please talk to me, don't ignore me, I need you to talk to me"

"Why didn't you stop him when he kissed you" he turned around as he questioned you and you started to cry.

"Stop crying please, you want to talk right so talk to me, why didn't you stop him? Do you still love him?" He asked you and you shook your head, your arms wrapped around his waist and you placed your head between the crook of his neck, everything about him comforted you and you hated the fact that he was hurting because of you.

He wanted to pull you away but he didn't have the heart to be so cruel when you clung to him like a child. You wouldn't be there clinging to him if you didn't want him in your life anymore, that gave him some hope.

"I just..he told me about what happened all those years ago. I finally knew why he ditched me and hurt me so bad, and then he kissed me, it took me all the way back to the time when I had him and I had my mom and things weren't so bad, not as bad as they are now" you looked at him and your hair clung to his teary face.

"I got lost for a moment but I pushed him away as soon as he called me baby, I'm not his baby, I'm yours aren't I? Please tell me I'm still your baby please loki please don't leave me please" you sobbed furiously so he cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears,

"You are my baby and that's why it hurt me so bad right now darling, I don't want you to leave me either but I .." your heart broke as he seemed hesitant, distant. It reminded you of the time when he left you before. The anxiety filled every cell in your body

"I love youu lo" you whispered as you clutched onto his shirt, his eyes flickered with several emotions all at once "I Love you Loki..I love you ..I love you daddy..please don't leave me please I'll never hurt you like that again but please don't hurt me" you sobbed as you placed your head back between his neck and shoulder. He was too stunned with your love confession to say anything or react. Did you really love him or you just wanted to appease him? He had no idea.

"Okay stop crying please, it hurts me to hear you like this, please stop baby please stop" he pulled you away and wiped your tears, he didn't want to hurt you anymore, you have lived a terrible life filled with people who betrayed you and he didn't want to add to your pain again, he saw how it broke you the last time he did that "I love you darling stop crying please..I love you too" you pulled away to look at him as he said that,

"You love me?" You mumbled softly as you couldn't believe that someone actually could love you. Nobody else did it except your mom and maybe Peter when he was with you but then you two were merely an adult when that happened. What you felt with Loki was different, it was deep and real.

"I do baby, I love you..shhh now okay, come here little love" he wrapped his arms around you and pressed soft kisses on your shoulder and then your neck, he just wanted you to calm down for now. He hated seeing you so broken.

"Don't leave me please" you sobbed again so he shook his head.

"I won't I promise I won't leave alright? Just calm down please" He picked you up and sat down on the bed with you on top of him, he rocked you back n forth slowly until your sobs diminished. You had your head down on his shoulder and your arms wrapped around his neck.

Crying always made you feel lightheaded and then you fell asleep like that. He didn't want to stress you any further so he laid you down on his bed. Steve was still at the party and so was Katlyn and Peter. But he knew he'd have to get you back to your room soon, so once you got deep into sleep he picked you up and took you to your bedroom then he laid you down gently.

When he returned, he took out his phone to listen to the recording from the moment you stepped out of the house today for the party. He wanted to trust you, he really wanted to but a part of him still felt insecure. Why would you pick him when you could have your first love? Peter can take care of you much better than he would, he had the money and the safety he could provide you.

He heard Steve insulting you throughout the party and that angered him to no limits, then he heard Peter telling you about why he hurt you. How could Katlyn do that to you? You were all just kids, how mentally fucked up does one have to be to do something like that to an innocent girl?

His heart kept breaking for you the more he heard your conversations with him and then he kissed you. Loki saw that and he didn't have to hear it, he was going to turn it off as it hurt too bad but then Peter grabbed your arm and what you said to Peter kept Loki up all night. It rendered but then mended his heart at the same time, it angered him that he even doubted your love for him in the first place. He lost the count of how many times he had replayed that particular bit just to hear you bare your heart open.

He kept replaying it all night long until your voice was all he heard around him..it soothed him and comforted him.

"I'm in love with him, Peter, I love him and I can't hurt him. It's true that I never stopped caring for you, you were my only true friend but then you broke me. I tried to talk to you but you never gave me a chance which I understand, you were hurt but so was I. I was all alone, I lost everything, and didn't have you.

I had no one until he came into my life, he brought me back from the death, he saved my life again and again, he took care of me, he fed me with his own hands and he loved me when no-one else did. He doesn't care about my looks or money I can give him, he loves me for me and he loves me selflessly, unconditionally, he saw through the pain and hurt I hid from everyone.

"Y/n??" Peter interjected but you stopped him

"No listen to me Peter, he's willing to sacrifice everything for me, so no matter what happens I'll never not be in love with that man in there because I belong to him now, he's my everything and I promised him that I'll never hurt him but I think I did, that's what I did just now when I allowed you to kiss me like that. Now I have to go fix this anyhow because I won't survive if I lose him too, So let go of my arm Peter because I love him more than anything"

He finally felt prioritized by someone, he actually felt worthy of you because you put your faith in him. You trusted him.

You chose him over everyone else like you said you would. He was chosen, and he was loved.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#loki #loki x female reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki fics #loki alternate universe #loki au #loki angst

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highwaytothedangerzone502 · 2 years

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India Lima Yankee - Chapter 20

Pairing: Rooster x Female OC

Word Count: 2452

Warnings: Talk about death and terminal illness

Summary: Juliette Kazansky discovers Maverick is back in town for a special training detachment, but she's more than a little blindsided when her Rooster arrives too. Having not spoken to him for almost ten years after their less than amicable break-up, Juliette can only imagine how the next few weeks are going to play out when she remains head over heels in love with him while he wants nothing to do with Juliette other than to forget her.

Or so she thinks.

Notes: Chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Chasing Cars Head Above Water

Chapters: Chp 1 Chp 2 Chp 3 Chp 4 Chp 5 Chp 6 Chp 7 Chp 8 Chp 9 Chp 10 Chp 11 Chp 12 Chp 13 Chp 14 Chp 15 Chp 16 Chp 17 Chp 18 Chp 19 Chp 20 Chp 21 Chp 22 Chp 23

Rooster

The day had started on a sour note with the thought of having to fly a near-impossible course while knowing no matter how well he did on it, Maverick wouldn't choose him for the mission to 'protect' him. Then, to have the day go as it did with dogfight football, the laughter and camaraderie, and the flirtatious conversations he'd had with Juliette, Rooster couldn't have imagined a better end. He still felt horrible about leaving the bruise on Jules's hip. When she'd stepped in front of Rooster to stop him from going after Hangman, he'd grabbed onto her waist as a way to silently ground himself, to remind him that as long as Juliette was there, he couldn't do anything because if a physical altercation between the two men occurred, she absolutely would've held no regard for her safety and stepped in to break them up. She would've risked getting hurt by either one of them, and that's the last thing Rooster wanted, although he'd ended up hurting anyways...

The group, as always, gathered around the pool table. Coyote and Phoenix chose to talk to Juliette and Rooster, who stood so close that their arms pressed into each other, almost like they were leaning into one another. Maybe they were. Rooster was still shocked from her insinuation at their sex life earlier, and he hadn't been able to get it off his mind since. Had they not been in public, Rooster might've pulled her into another kiss he'd been dying to give her since the other night.

These Boots Were Made for Walking blared next to Rooster, causing both him and Juliette to jump. She swiftly pulled out her phone and said, "I need to take this. I'll be back."

She hurried out the door, hitting answer on her way. Rooster briefly overheard her say "Hey, Mom" before the noise of the crowd drowned her out. Not thinking anything of it, Rooster continued chatting with Phoenix and Coyote, avoiding anything to do with the mission. None of them wanted to stress over it tonight when they had the remaining two and a half weeks to do that. Instead, they chatted about their squadrons, antics on their carriers, stories of when they'd come home from deployment, and everything else that brought a smile to their faces.

However, as ten minutes passed, then twenty, then thirty, Rooster noticed Juliette had failed to rejoin them. Concerned, he excused himself from the group and made his way outside. Juliette sat on a bench at the far end of the balcony, staring at her phone.

Rooster approached hesitantly, unsure if she wanted space or not. "You okay?"

"Hmm?" Juliette looked up at him, somewhat dazed. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Just got off the phone with my mom, is all."

Rooster took a seat next to her. "I know it's been a long time, but I can still tell when you're not 'fine.' What is it?"

She shook her head. "It's fine, really. Besides, you're having a good day. I don't want to bring you down with what's going on with me."

"I care more about you than anything else. Talk to me, Jules."

He watched Juliette fiddle with her phone for a few seconds, turning it over and over in her hands before she finally spoke in an eerily calm voice, "Dad took a bad turn tonight. Mom told me I should maybe start preparing myself."

Of all things she could've said, that was one of the last Rooster expected. A coldness settled over him, the dread of the impending death of yet another person he loved. He'd purposefully pushed people away in his life to avoid going through this again. It'd been hard enough losing his mom and becoming an orphan at eighteen. Maverick might as well have been dead to him over the past decade, and he'd lost a close friend right after his breakup with Jules, which played a part in him not returning to her. Rooster hadn't wanted to mourn anyone again, nor did he want people to mourn him if he died, to go through the grief. Yet, here he was, the heartache already setting in at the mere idea of losing Tom Kazansky, a man he hadn't seen in close to ten years, yet the feelings were as strong as ever. And here he was, getting close to Juliette before a death-defying mission, one he wouldn't be chosen for, but nonetheless, the stress and anxiety it induced were enough to make even the most level-headed people like Juliette on edge.

"I'm sorry," Rooster said, the words sounding less than comforting coming out of his mouth. He knew better than most that nothing anyone said or did could help with the knowledge that one day, and one day soon, a person you loved would die. "Do you want me to give you a ride home so you can be with them?"

Juliette smiled softly, shaking her head. "No, thank you, though. I actually told my mom when she called that I'd come over now, but I received a text from Dad a few seconds later telling me to stay out and have fun with everyone. I don't even know how he texted so fast when the man types with just his pointer fingers still. Dad is also strangely scarier when he doesn't speak."

Juliette leaned back, staring out over the beach and at the black horizon, her gaze distant. "I remember when the first time he was diagnosed with the cancer. It was about a year after you and I broke up. I was terrified of losing him. It's actually why I called you that day. I figured if anyone could understand, it'd be you."

Rooster's heart sank to his stomach. "Jules, I-"

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty," she interrupted gently, patting his thigh reassuringly. He placed his hand atop hers, lacing their fingers together. "I knew it was a long shot trying to reach you after what happened. And you did call me back, I just had my assbutt of a boyfriend at the time in my house when you did."

"Assbutt?" Rooster repeated, unable to help the amusement edging his tone. "Was he the cheater?"

"Yeah. Antonio Cerrillo. I'll give him credit where credit is due, though, because he was good to me while Dad went through chemo."

A flood of guilt rushed through Bradley. He couldn't help but think he should've been the one to comfort her, to be there for her. If he hadn't been so stupid and cowardly, he would've. Juliette, however, not noticing Rooster's grimacing, continued. "Dad went into remission a few months after. We'd caught it early enough that the chemo worked wonders. About three years went by with nothing, and then, suddenly, it was back. It was worse the second time around, and it took two years before the doctors said they couldn't see any remnants of it. That chemo treatment was extremely tough on both Dad and Mom. Dad because he was the one going through it, and Mom because she cared for him day and night. She went forty-eight hours without sleeping once because she was so upset and stressed over making sure Dad was okay because he went through a nasty rough patch during an already horrible chemo treatment. I made her get some sleep and took some time off work to care for him. Once he moved past that second diagnosis, I thought that was it. It's Dad, after all. He's invincible. Like Maverick. He fended off six enemy aircraft until Mav could come to his rescue. How many aviators can say that?"

"None that I know of," Rooster replied, quickly running through the list in his head.

"And then, right before you got here, we found out it'd come back. As you already know, it's terminal..." Juliette trailed off, falling silent and clenching her jaw. Rooster waited for her to gather herself because he recognized she wanted to cry but was doing everything she could to prevent the tears from forming or falling. It took a couple of minutes before it happened. Juliette's voice was barely above a whisper as she said, "I think I've been in denial. I thought maybe the doctor's made a mistake with their terminal diagnosis or that he'd be a miracle case and would live despite everything, defy all expectations like he always does, but I know now. I know I don't have long with him, and now I'm torn between listening to him and making him happy by staying out with all of you or going home and spending time with him before I can't anymore."

"What if I went home with you?" Rooster offered, regretting the words the moment they came out of his mouth. Why would she want him around after he'd abandoned her? This was her family anyway, not his. Not anymore. Rooster lost that privilege when he eliminated them from his life all those years ago.

Juliette shook her head. "No, you should stay here and enjoy your night. I'll catch an Uber back home and-"

Rooster shook his head and cut her off. "Juliette, you were there for me when my mom was dying. Let me be here for you."

"You have so much on your plate right now. You have training and the mission to worry about, and I need you to focus on that. I need you to-" Juliette's voice hitched momentarily- "I need you to put everything you have into acing what Maverick throws at you because my gut tells me you're going on that mission and if you don't come back..."

"Jules-"

"I can't have your funeral too, Rooster."

Although he didn't believe her instinct about being chosen for the mission, Bradley still couldn't let her panic. He couldn't have her grieving over him, too, especially when there was nothing and would be nothing to grieve about. "You won't. I will come back to you this time. I promise."

Juliette finally looked over at him, sorrow etched onto her face, but she managed to smile appreciatively at him. "I'm going to hold you to that, Lieutenant."

"I want you to." Rooster lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. "Do you want to go back inside? Or do you want me to give you a ride home?"

Juliette checked the time on her phone. "It's only eight... maybe stay for another hour, appease my dad, and then give me a ride home?"

"You got it, boss." Rooster stood up, helping Juliette along the way. Before he could move, she embraced him in a brief, tight hug, which he willingly returned. She kissed him on the cheek as she pulled away, prompting him to ask, "What was that for?"

Juliette shrugged. "For being you and being there for me just now. I'm sorry for putting such a damper on your night."

"Don't apologize. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me what was happening." Rooster held out his hand. "Shall we?"

Juliette took it, and the two of them re-entered the Hard Deck. They ordered drinks from the bar before rejoining their friends. Juliette noticeably stayed glued to Rooster's side, but he hardly minded. He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible because who knew when the next time would be that they could see each other after the mission?

Around nine, the aviators, exhausted from the long day of dogfight football and realizing they would resume regular training tomorrow, decided to call it a night. Rooster drove Juliette to her house, where they said hello to Maria and Firefly and waited for the girls' Ubers to pick them up before rounding up Raptor and Lightning into the back of Rooster's Bronco and heading to the Kazansky household.

Sarah opened the door, surprise showing in her red-tinged eyes. She'd been crying, of that, Rooster had no doubt. The Kazanksy matriarch inquired, "What are you two doing here? I wasn't expecting-"

"Everyone else retired for the night, and I wanted to come hang out with you and Dad. Rooster was kind enough to go through the trouble of picking up the dogs on the way here."

"It was no trouble at all," Rooster assured, bending down and scratching Raptor and Lightning behind their ears. The dogs leaned happily into him. "I'm sure you need to get back to base, but you're welcome to stay for a bit," Sarah offered.

"I wouldn't want to intrude. I'm sure you'd like to spend time as a family."

"You're family too, no matter what's happened," she insisted.

"I should probably get back to base and get some rest for tomorrow. I promised someone I'd come back from this mission-" Rooster glanced over at Juliette, flashing her a small smile- "so I need to make sure I'm rested for tomorrow to be at the top of my game. Rain check?"

"Of course. It's good to see you, honey." Sarah gave him a motherly hug, then left the former lovers alone.

"Thank you again for the ride. I'll see you tomorrow?" Juliette queried, pulling her jacket sleeves over her hands and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Jules." Rooster leaned down and pecked her cheek despite his heart and his head shouting furiously at him to pull Juliette into a passionate kiss to make her forget all her woes and worries, if just for a short period of time.

"Good night, Bradley." Juliette entered the house and shut the door. Hands in his pockets, Rooster shuffled to his car. He drove back to base, although he didn't remember much of the ride there, his mind too preoccupied with Juliette and with Iceman's turn for the worse.

When he arrived to his room, Rooster got ready for bed, taking a shower, throwing on some sweatpants, and brushing his teeth. He sank onto his bed but didn't lay down right away. Instead, Rooster opened his nightstand drawer, pulling out a small box of keepsakes containing his most prized and sentimental possessions. Inside resided only five things: a picture of him, his parents, and Maverick when his dad was at Top Gun; his high school graduation ring, a gift from Maverick; his dad's naval academy ring; his mom's wedding ring; and a silver locket. It was the last item he pulled out. Rooster hesitated, wondering if its original owner would want it back after all this time. He rubbed his thumb over the familiar anchor embedded on the front before flipping it over and reading the inscription he longed to say to Juliette again: India Lima Yankee.

***

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