#and now i'm going to bed because i'm exhausted

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

Quinn pleaseeee 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I'm gonna put a warning on this because I like it so I don't feel like rewriting it. Warning: shitty relationship with father.

Drabble Masterlist

"Don't touch me. We're fighting."

Quinn didn't seem to care that you were pissed. But pissed didn't even describe the soreness in your jaw from clenching it so tight or the fact that your body temperature was elevated or that all you wanted to do was scream. Glancing over as he stood on the other side of the kitchen island, his face was as it always was calm, his thoughts were probably collected while your brain was firing off things to add to the fire if needed, he looked like he was in control of his body while yours was being controlled by the rage inside you. Looking at Quinn only pissed you off more so you just looked away.

After a minute, you decided it was best to walk away and cool off before you said something you'd regret. Quinn on the other hand, wasn't done fighting he wanted you to understand his point of view and he didn't wanna wait till morning. As you made your way down the hall you could hear Quinn's footsteps behind you.

"Wait Y/N, Let me explain." He went to gently touch your arm in hopes that you would stop walking away from him.

He got his wish, you turned around talking through your teeth you grunted. "Don't touch me. We're fighting."

Quinn has never pulled away from you so quickly before. Even with how angry you were at him it still hurt you how fast he pulled away. Quinn was looking at the floor, for the first time showing emotion since your fight started. "I was just trying to help."

All you could do is sigh. "By telling my father off?" you question defeat clear in your voice. "Quinn I've been over this with you, my family isn't like your family. You can't just voice your opinions to my dad, especially if it's you disagreeing with him or his choices."

Quinn looked up at you finally, he frowned his eyebrows in annoyance but you knew it wasn't at you. "Well I am mad at him. He shouldn't be allowed to talk down to you and blame you for not getting along with your stepmom when all she does is talk down to you. I couldn't sit there and let her talk down to you at dinner. Okay. And I guess I'm sorry for how it came up, but I am not sorry for standing up for you."

"Quinn I know you were trying to stand up for me. But I don't need you or anyone to stand up for me, especially against my family. Okay?" you ask waiting for him to acknowledge you.

"No. I'm sorry because how can you let them tell you that you aren't as far in your career as you should be as if they helped at all with the cost of college. Or the fact that all they did all dinner was telling you everything you were doing wrong with your life?" His tone was accusing and you found yourself taking a step back, your body was exhausted and all you wanted to was get out of this ichy dress and go to bed.

"I don't wanna have this conversation tonight." you begged.

"I just don't understand why do you even keep him around Y/N!"

"Okay since you seem to not be able to understand why I let them talk that way to you let me explain it to you so we never have to talk about this again got it?" you ask waiting for Quinn to nod his head before you continue. "Look my dad might be a piece of shit, but guess what he's my piece of shit father not anyone else's. Everyone always ask me for years 'Y/N if I were you, I'd cut him off why don't you.' For a long time I didn't have an answer for them but as I got older I do and it's this. Because he might be a piece of shit but without him I wouldn't be standing here physically because he is physically half of me. And I know you have lovely parents Quinn and brothers. But not everyone does and I am terrifed that if I do cut him out all the way vs seeing him three times a year like I do now. That one day I will get a call and he will be dead and I will have regret for not at least having him in some capactiy in my life. So because of that fear of regret because I know many people who have it now since their parents passed. I keep him around and if you can't understand that fine, not everyone does."

Taking a step closer to Quinn you add, "but whether you agree or not, you don't get to judge me for the choices I've made when it comes to the relationship between my father and I. Because that is exactly what it is." Pointing to yourself. "It's MY relationship not yours and you also don't get to make it more shaky then it already is by yelling at him in the middle of the steakhouse."

Quinn and you aren't sure how long you stood in your apartment hallway, it could of been seconds it could of been minutes. At some point Quinn looked at you and said "agree to disagree." All you did was nod and you both said true to your word you never talked about your father and your relationship ever again.

[pedroshotwifey]

Trouble in Paradise (Part One)

Pairing: DBF!Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: Of all the things you thought you might be doing on your summer break, falling in love with your father's best friend in Hawaii wasn't one of them.

Tags/Warnings: Nothing crazy yet! Some kind of maybe tension, pet names, talk of Joel knowing reader since she was small, reader has a dad, mom is not mentioned, yadayada

A/N: Hello my friends! I'm terribly sorry I've been away for so long. There have been a lot of...unsavory happenings lately. Want to say sorry in advance because I know this isn't my best writing, but i'm trying to get back into the groove of things. I'm hoping I'll be back to my scheduled programming (TTF, FB, answering requests) by the time this short series is done. Expecting it to be around 3-5 parts. Thank you so much for sticking with me <3

*******

You’ve been laying in your bed blasting your “chill” playlist through your earbuds since you got home from school around five. The last exhausting day of your freshman college year. Lana Del Rey, Cigarettes After Sex, Hozier, and the like have been floating lazily through your head as you watched the sun go down. 

After a long day, you’d hung your head off the foot of your bed, intent to bask in the golden glow of the evening in a baggy T and your underwear until your eyes shut for the night. You were almost asleep when you were interrupted by a sound that didn’t quite go with “Wicked Game”. 

You yank your earbuds out, sitting up on your bed. You don’t remember it getting so dark. Your cracked window allows the late summer breeze in to gently rustle the curtains framing it. Crickets and cicadas chirp loudly outside, creating a symphony to compliment the stars shining through the inky sky. 

“Sweetheart?” 

Your head swivels to look accusingly at your closed door. The name was shouted from the stairway. Definitely your dad.

You roll your eyes but get out of bed. The clock on your nightstand tells you it’s 8:02pm, so he’s probably calling you for dinner. You’ve told him before that it’s easier just to call your cell, but when has he ever listened? You pad to your door, crack it, and shout back. 

“Be down in a minute!”

Getting no response, you can only assume he heard you. You close your door back and pick up the polka-dotted pajama pants crumpled into a pile beside your bed. You tug them on through a yawn, almost tripping a few times before they’re on all the way. 

You check your mirror before heading down. You look sleepy, not like it really matters. Your door creeks as you push it open again and make your way down the stairs. The soft carpet laid in the middle of the hardwood keeping your steps quiet. It’s about halfway to the kitchen that you hear a second voice to your father’s. It sounds vaguely familiar, and your heart skips a beat. Surely it’s not—

You climb down a few more steps and stop in your tracks at the sight of Joel Miller sitting at your dinner table. You haven’t seen him since at least your high school graduation. You’d harbored a small crush on him then, but that had to have been nothing compared to whatever the hell you’re feeling now. Your entire body seems to glow with some mix of embarrassment and surprise. 

You really thought you’d gotten over this silly little crush. Then again, it’s hard to get over something like Joel Miller. High school boyfriends? Sure, no problem. But the classic DILF next door of a best friend your dad has isn’t so easy. He’s been a constant in your childhood, always kind and there for you even when your dad wasn’t. So, in other words, highly inappropriate for you to be so attached to. 

It’s easy to say the years have been kind to him. He’s a few years older than your father, so probably about mid-forties now. He’s started to gray, a fine amount of silver peppered into his mousy brown hair. That beard of his has taken the brunt of it, though. That beard you’ve imagined between your thighs so many times. 

His dark eyes seem to have become kinder thanks to the crow’s feet carefully etched into the corners. He’s wearing his signature T-shirt and worn jeans, his brown leather jacket and work boots likely disposed of near the front door. 

He smirks as his brown eyes fall on your disheveled form, halted on the bottom step. You, in contrast to the god-like figure he’s sporting, must look like an absolute mess. Despite that fact, he looks at you almost in a different way than he used to. More intensely. It makes you resist the urge to squirm. 

“Joel,” you finally manage to choke out. “Hi.” 

Smooth, you think. 

“Hey, trouble,” he returns, light amusement lacing his tone. It makes you nervous, like he’s clocked your little secret. 

He gets up from his seat, and you can tell he’s going for a hug. You shock yourself into action and take the few steps to reach him. He envelops you in his strong arms just like he used to, and you take the opportunity to breathe in his scent. Smokey pine, whiskey, and a hint of mint—just like you remember. 

You’re smiling like an idiot despite yourself as you pull away. Luckily, your dad makes an appearance before you say something embarrassing. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” he teases. “You remember my buddy Joel, dontch’a?” 

Joel scoffs before you can answer. “‘Course she remembers me, Scott, known her since she was damn near in diapers.” 

Your dad rolls his eyes. “Well, just to ask,” he argues. 

You shake your head. Same banter between those two for as long as you can remember. They’ve been friends since your dad’s freshman highschool year, and Joel’s senior. Everyone who knows Joel and Scott considers them to be brothers as much as Joel and Tommy.

Cheeks heated, you make your way to the bathroom to freshen up while they’re distracted. You shut the door and comb through your hair with your fingers, straighten your tank top, and wipe away the smudged mascara you didn’t care to wash off earlier. 

When you look half-decent, you wash your hands and walk back to the dining room, choosing to ignore the fact that you just tidied yourself for your dad’s best friend. Totally normal thing to do, right?

Joel is sitting back in the same spot as you found him the first time, your dad in the seat opposite of him. There are three bowls of spaghetti served, one in front of each man, and one beside Joel. You’re not going to complain about that. 

You slide into the seat next to him, flashing him a quick smile when he turns his head to acknowledge you. You swear his gaze lingers for a second, but it’s probably just wishful thinking. 

You look away and dig into your food, zoning out as Joel and your dad talk about work. Joel’s presence beside you fuels your daydreaming, his deep, drawling voice keeping it running. You wish so badly to lean into him, feel the comfort of his embrace. Maybe more. You wish, not for the first time, that he would look at you the way you looked at him. You wish he would—

You jolt when you hear your name in conversation, your spaghetti-filled fork halfway to your mouth. 

“No, I don’t think she’d mind at all, would’ya, honey?” 

Your dad looks expectantly at you. Your eyes dart between him and Joel. 

“Uh, sorry, what?” You ask, your cheeks heating for the second time tonight. 

“Helping Joel out. I know it’s been some years, but it’s just basic stuff. Plus, it’ll be in—” 

“Really, Scott, you don’t have to volunteer her if she don’t want to—” 

“No, no,” you interrupt. “I don’t mind at all.” 

In all honesty, you didn’t think your answer through. You have no idea what you just signed up for. Though, if it’s with Joel, it can’t be too bad. 

“No, really, sweetheart,” Joel interjects. “I wouldn’t wanna have a pretty ‘lil’ thing workin’ away on her summer vacation.”

You turn to look at him, flashing him your sweetest eyes. He called you pretty—you feel like you might explode. “I really don’t mind.” 

He waits for a moment before he clears his throat and turns back to your dad. “Alright then,” he says before taking a sip of his drink. “We leave for Hawaii next Tuesday.” 

You just about choke on your dinner. Your dad laughs. 

“Told you, Joel, she doesn’t listen to a damn thing we say.” 

*****

Hawaii? For two weeks? With Joel? What do you even pack?

You stare at your suitcase, waiting for your closet to help you out and throw something in there. Should you bring sundresses or work clothes? Both, right? Probably both. Maybe more work clothes. You said you’d be helping, after all. But with what? 

God, you should have just paid attention to that damn conversation. 

It’s late Monday night, and you haven’t been able to pick up on enough over-the-phone conversation to get the gist of it. You need to stop being such a wuss and just ask. But that would mean calling Joel. Do you really want to call Joel? 

Well, yes, of course you do. But do you really want to sound awkward around Joel? No, no you don’t. And you know that’s exactly what would be happening over the phone with a man you’ve never talked over the phone with. 

You groan, flopping yourself onto your bed to stare at your ceiling and overthink. You don’t want to overpack, because you don’t want Joel to see that you overpacked. But you also don’t want to underpack, because you don’t want Joel to see that you underpacked, either. This really shouldn’t be that hard. You’re about to get back up, say screw it, and throw a mixture in there, when you hear a knock on your door. 

“Come in,” you call, unmoving.

“Hey, honey,” your dad says as he creeps in. “Just got off the phone with Joel.” 

You sit up at this. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah, he figured you might want some advice on what to pack.” 

Oh thank God. 

“Said he’s gonna be puttin’ you to work, but to bring some pretty clothes if you want. There’s a pool at the place you’ll be workin’ at, and a beach nearby.” 

You nod along, thanking all that is holy that Joel had the idea to give you some input. 

Your dad eyes your empty suitcase and raises a brow in your direction. 

“He’ll be here around 4:00am, so be ready by then.” He looks back at you. “I love you, sweetheart, I’ll see you when you get back.” 

He gives you a hug and closes your door. 

You take Joel’s advice and pack mostly for work—with a few pretty things just in case. 

*****

As expected, Joel’s truck is in your driveway at 4:00am on the dot. You’re in the passenger seat and headed for the airport by 4:03. 

The ride is less tense than you thought it would be, mostly because the two of you are so tired. You’re practically in a coma against the window, the dull classic country music playing quietly from the old truck’s speakers lulling you to sleep. Joel is in about the same mindset, the lazy drumming of his fingers against the wheel the only thing convincing you he’s still awake. 

Buildings pass in a dark blur, everything mushed together into one big half-dream. Joel’s scent fills the cab, sealing the state you’re in. You glance at the clock: 4:48. You blink, and it’s 5:20, the truck is stopped at the airport, and Joel is gently nudging you awake. You squint at him, the cab light rudely intruding, and you can just barely make out the faint smile on his lips. You have a strong urge to lean forward and kiss him, but thankfully you’re conscious enough to not make a complete fool of yourself right now. 

“C’mon, darlin’, we got a plane to catch.” 

You nod, trying to get your bearings. Joel slides out of his side of the truck, and you follow out of yours, getting a good stretch in before leaning back into the cab and retrieving your suitcase from the narrow backseat. When you make your way around the truck to Joel, he gently grabs it from your hand. 

You look at him, mouth open and ready to argue, but he gives you a look that makes you shut it just as quick. Your stomach flutters at the gesture, and you kind of want to slap him for it. Or maybe yourself. Either way, you keep close to him until you’re entering through the sliding doors out front. 

It only takes about an hour to get through TSA and in line to board the plane, but you’re wide awake by then. And hungry. 

“Hey Joel,” you whisper. He hums at you but doesn’t look down. 

“I’m hungry.” 

Now he looks at you. “I don’t think we got time to grab anything now, darlin’, but we should have a layover at LAX in about three hours. Think you can hold tight ‘till then?” 

You nod, trying not to overthink the conversation. It was literally a few words exchanged between the two of you, but it might be the first time you’ve conversed alone outside of your dad’s house. It felt domestic to you in a way that makes you feel like an idiot. It was one conversation. 

Of course, you have to ruin the moment by humming “Party in the USA”. I mean, it’s Joel’s fault. He was the one to mention LAX. 

He laughs and nudges you. “Quit that,” he commands, though you can tell he thinks it’s funny. You giggle but indulge him. 

“Fine,” you draw out. “Somebody hates fun.” 

He scoffs another laugh, but says nothing. 

Finally, the two of you are next to board. You stop around the middle of the plane, and Joel hoists your bags into the compartment above your seats. Then, he moves aside to let you in first. 

“By the window, darlin’,” he says.

You smile with excitement and settle in, Joel sitting next to you a second later. 

“Your dad said somethin’ about it bein’ your first time flyin’, so I figured you might want a window seat,” he explains. 

Your heart warms at this. Why does he have to be so thoughtful? 

“Thank you, Joel,” you say genuinely, flashing him a smile. It may be the lighting, but you swear you see his cheeks pink up just a little before he nods and faces forward. 

The flight goes by relatively quickly. Joel does some sort of paperwork on the little desk in front of him, and you pop your earbuds in and listen to a downloaded playlist while you read. The light romance you chose was cute, but it failed to distract you completely from the hunk of man beside you. 

You’re not sure how many times you caught yourself staring at the flex of his wrist as he wrote whatever down. It was maybe once or twice that your eyes found their way up to his bicep, possibly a few times that they landed on his lower lip, his teeth bitten into it in concentration. You definitely got heated more times than you would’ve liked. And as your book started heating as well, you had to put it down. You really hope it’s not just you that feels this new tension.

For the last twenty minutes or so, you’ve been looking out the window, content to listen to your music and watch the land go by. For the last five, you’ve felt Joel’s eyes on you. You refuse to look back at him, though, just in case it’s your imagination. 

But you swear you can feel the weight of his stare. You fidget, trying to ignore the feeling as you stare out the window and at the clouds. Then you hear a sharp sound from the speakers 

through your earbuds. 

You take them off and look back at Joel as the pilot informs you that you should be landing in about ten minutes. 

He was staring at you, and he didn’t look away. You don’t look away now, either. You don’t say anything.

“Thank you for comin’ with me, darlin’.” 

You’re taken aback. Of course you would go with him. 

“It’s no problem, Joel,” you say. He gives you a short smile. “I mean, really,” you joke. “You’re the one taking me on a free vacation.” 

He smiles fully this time and rolls his eyes. He tends to do that a lot with you. It makes you smile too. 

The speaker dings again:

“Should be some light turbulence, but we’ll be on the ground soon, folks.” 

Joel looks away after the announcement, gathering his work to put back into his bag. You shake yourself off and choose not to acknowledge whatever the hell that was. 

******

You knew LAX would be busy, but. Holy shit. This place is insane. 

You keep close to Joel as he navigates the two of you through the crowds and to your next gate. He keeps slightly in front of you, and you keep getting the urge to grab his hand to keep up, but you don’t. You don’t think you’ve ever seen this many people in one place—and you thought the Austin airport had been overwhelming. 

There are a million shops and restaurants and gates as you make your way down the massive hallways, up and down the escalators, and through trains. It takes an hour and fifteen before you can even see the sign for your gate. Your legs hurt from walking, and your head hurts from all the noise. 

You keep an eye on some of the closer restaurants you pass so that you can backtrack to them and grab a bagel or something before you have to get on your plane. You catch a glimpse of a Burger King when you’re suddenly slammed into. 

You gasp as you’re sent flying onto your ass by a man who couldn’t be bothered to glance your way to see if you’re alright. Joel whips around and sets the bags down, quickly helping you up. 

“Shit, are you alright, darlin’?” he asks, a deep concern in his eyes. Your cheeks are burning with embarrassment even though it wasn’t your fault. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

Joel looks you up and down to make sure as you stand on your own two feet. He turns around, trying to scope out the man who bumped into you, and turns back when he finds that he’s long gone. 

“I’m sorry, honey,” he finally says. “People don’t give a rat’s ass here.” 

You nod, smiling at his choice of words. “I’m alright, Joel.” 

He sighs and picks his bag back up, slinging the large weight over his shoulder, and then picks your suitcase up in one hand. WIth the other, he grabs onto yours. His hand is rough but warm and comforting. 

“Just stay close ‘till we get to the gate.”

Practically glowing, you hold onto him and let him lead the way. It only takes a few more minutes before he’s telling you to sit down at the waiting area. 

“I’m gonna grab you somethin’ to eat, ‘nd I’ll be right back.” 

You decide to read while he’s on his errand, picking your book back up to a particularly smutty part. You’re not going to pretend like you aren’t picturing the characters as you and Joel as he eats her out on a countertop. You bite your lip, consuming each word with fervor.

You’re just finishing the chapter when Joel strolls up with two breakfast sandwiches, a coffee, and an orange juice. He hands you a sandwich and the latter drink, and takes the seat next to you with a groan. 

“Probably have at least thirty minutes,” he grumbles. 

You nod as you thank him and unwrap your sandwich. It’s silent for a few minutes, before you can’t bear it and break the peace. 

“What all are we going to be doing?” 

Joel looks at you, almost flustered. He must have misheard you. “Huh?” 

“Like when we get there, what are we going to be working on?” 

“Oh, uh,” he clears his throat and takes a sip of his coffee. “Mostly flooring ‘nd some drywall, but there should be somethin’ to do in the kitchen if I’m hearin’ right.” 

You nod and take a bite of your sandwich. Joel continues. 

“Should have a few days to relax, though, if we get everythin’ done in time.” 

Your stomach flips at the thought. A few days to relax with Joel. 

“Sounds easy enough,” you say. 

Joel nods again. “Atta girl.”

“Flight 332 is ready to begin boarding.” 

You and Joel take the last bites of your sandwich in silence and stand up to get in line once again. This flight is going to be longer, about six hours. 

Joel throws your trash away and comes back to grab your bags. Same as last time, you have a seat by the window. Not like it matters much in the long run, because just after Joel takes his seat and the plane takes off, your head falls onto his shoulder, and you promptly fall asleep. 

******

Thank you for reading!! Part two should be coming soon.

Itty bitty mini taglist: @callachloe @kewwrites @casa-boiardi @pastawench (love you guys)

Pls let me know if you would like to be tagged in pt. 2!

[bring-forth-his-sac]

so I watched The Losers (yes, because I wanted to gawk at JDM for 90 minutes) and I kept noticing how much he held his partner's hand in it😭💕 and so of course I had to write a lil drabble about this but with Negan lmao

tags: mentions of nudity, aftercare, established relationship, this is seriously just goofy idk why I wrote this

I didn’t proof read this, pls be kind xoxoxoxoxoxo

word count: 950

Bated breaths, shaky legs and a whole lot of sweat. That’s how your night has been going. 

The trail of discarded clothes that leads to the bed is a testament to the passion of the last few hours. Catching your breath, the cool air caresses your bare skin as you sprawl out on the soft bed sheets.

Beside you is Negan, his breathing just as ragged. You both lay side by side, staring up at the ceiling and completely worn out. The room is filled with a comfortable silence, broken only by the sound of your mingled breaths of recovery.

A hum escapes your lips when you feel Negan’s touch. His hand finds yours, fingers interlocking in a gentle embrace. Negan lets out a content sigh, his voice tinged with satisfaction as he remarks “Now that was quite a workout”.

He runs his other hand through his tousled hair as parts begin to curl and flick out in different directions. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk for a week,” you groan, though you’re not complaining.

Negan chuckles, nudging you closer to him “Guess I did a damn good job then, huh?”. Taking the hint, you roll over, momentarily letting go of his hand as you reposition yourself.

You pay no attention to the brief pout that crosses Negan’s face. His shift of expression only lasts momentarily, quickly fading once you take his hand again and interlock your fingers with his. 

“You wanna have a bath?” Negan offers. He knows you’re both exhausted but the thought of sharing a moment of intimacy with you in the suds has its own allure.

“Honestly? I think I just wanna change into something comfy and sleep until noon” you admit, the prospects of a bath sounding more like a chore than a luxury. Tomorrow you’ll shower and start fresh. Tonight, after the last few rounds you’ve had, you just want to sleep.

“Sounds like a plan” he agrees with a weary grin. 

With a groan, you move to get up, giving Negan’s hand a small squeeze as you go to release your grip. But you don’t. You can’t. As you sit up on the bed, your hand stays entangled with Negan’s.

You glance down at your joined hands and then back up at him.

Your voice is laced with amusement as you try to break free from his grip. “…Negan,” you say, shaking your hand as if you're trying to shake off droplets of water “y’know I kinda need my hand back if I want to get dressed”.

Negan looks up at you, his expression almost comically petulant. The look in his eyes is one of sheer stubbornness and you can’t help but let out a soft laugh.

“So if I don’t let go, you’re staying butt-ass naked?” He smirks, his gaze roaming over you.

You roll your eyes playfully. “Let. Me. Go. Put. My. Clothes. On” you punctuate each word with a tug of your hand, trying to pry his fingers away from yours as you stand up by the edge of the bed. 

But despite your best efforts to free yourself, he easily holds on, his long limbs giving him the advantage.

“C’mon now, don’t go running off,” Negan teases, his grip unwavering but gentle as he attempts to pull you back on to the bed “aftercare is good for ya, and I gotta take care of my girl!”.

“Clothes are good for me too!” You try to argue back, not caring if you’re being just as silly as him.

Negan chuckles and makes no attempt to hide the way his eyes rake over your body, appreciating every curve and contour. “Yeah, well, not when I'm around”. 

With a sudden yank from Negan, you let out an “oof” sound as you collide with him, finding yourself laying on his chest yet again, pressed against his warm, naked body. He gives you a smug grin, squeezing your hand in his, just to let you know he’s won this silly little battle. 

“Hmph” you try to give him a glare but he quickly steals a kiss from your lips, completely wiping your scowl away. 

You look down at Negan, a soft smile playing on your lips as he lays beneath you, his hand holding yours against his chest. You can feel the steady beat of his heart and the tickle of his chest hair on your wrist. Negan meets your gaze, his eyes drinking in your face with deep affection.

Damn him. As much as you have him wrapped around your finger, you’re most definitely wrapped around his too. “Fine, we can do it your way,” you relent, snuggling closer and resting your head on his chest “but I swear if one of your men come barging in here—“

“Then they’ll be going on the fence with the rest of the dead pricks, don’t you worry, baby” he reassures you, kissing the top of your head. 

As you close your eyes to relax, Negan lifts his head up, quickly scanning the bed for any blanket within reach. He spots the one hanging off the bottom of the bed and internally debates whether it's worth the effort to reach it. 

Negan lets his head fall back down on his pillow, abandoning the idea of blankets for now. Instead, his eyes travel over you appreciatively, taking in every dip and contour of your bare skin. He lets out a sigh, becoming certain that a blanket isn’t needed for now.

After all, why would he want a blanket to cover his amazing view?

[chippedshake]

14 and I'm thinkin' 'bout God again

Ponyboy had never gone to church before. He’d never seen the point in it. No one in his family was a believer, and if he was going to spend a couple hours watching someone talk, he would rather have it be a movie than a sermon. 

But now that his parents were gone, he started wondering where they were. They would’ve made their way into heaven, he was sure of that. But did it even exist? Was someone else right? Was there another sort of afterlife? Were they sent to hell for being non-believers?

Was there nothing? Had their souls just disappeared? Were they really sleeping forever, unconscious? If that was what was waiting for everyone, what was even the point of being alive? The sun would explode and consume everything and they would be gone and all that would be left would be a void. No life. No thoughts. No memories. 

He slipped into the church with Johnny right before the service began, trying to be quiet so no one would notice them and their not-so-clean clothes.  

In the back of our car, everyone is so far from me

Marcia wanted to phase through the backseat and reappear in her bed. Bob and Randy had been drinking and Cherry was glaring holes into the back of their heads and Marcia was exhausted and couldn't garner the energy to join in.

She was tired for everything these days. Too tired for rallies and protests. Too tired to play with her little sister. Too tired to care about Randy and Bob drinking until they threw up. Too tired to pay attention in class. Too tired to care about how Bob being behind the wheel was illegal and about how it was illegal because it could kill them.

She just wanted things to be easy. Why did everything have to be a fight?

Maybe it’d be easier if she just stayed in her room alone and did nothing. Staring at the ceiling, laying on her bed, fading in and out of sleep. Maybe it’d be easier if she just stopped existing. 

17 and I'm feelin' so out of place, I've been movin' too much

Dally slept where he could. Buck said he didn’t need the rent money, but Dally knew better than that and tried to stay away for as long as he could because there was no way Buck would accept any form of payment from him. Not even helping around the bar or cleaning up after they closed. 

He stayed at Tim’s a couple times, but he was definitely an outsider there. Angela always gave him the stink eye – she was friends with Sylvia – and Curly gave him a wide berth. Tim was nice enough, but clearly didn’t want his bad influence around his kid brother and sister. A bit hypocritical, maybe, but imagining Tim palling around with Johnny made Dally understand why Tim seemed three seconds away from strangling him when he told Curly a dirty joke.  

There was Sylvia’s, sure, but they were always fighting and didn't get along too well even when they weren't. The Curtises’ couch was taken by someone else – usually Johnny – most of the time and Dally would rather die cold and alone on the street than force Johnny out of the only place he could call home. 

(Nevermind that it was his, too)

And lately, I've been runnin' 'round in circles every day

Johnny paced the lot for the third time. He couldn’t sleep. Not so soon after. Everytime he closed his eyes, he swore he could hear the low rumble of a Mustang coming around the corner to finish the job. 

To follow through with all those threats. 

He knew he should go to the Curtises’, but he didn’t want to bother them. Darry had enough to worry about without having to pick up charity cases.  

Fourth lap. It was nearing midnight. He wasn’t getting any sleep tonight. 

19 and I'm gettin' too drunk again

It was noon on a Wednesday and Two-Bit was nursing his third beer.

He thought about Steve’s face curling in disgust whenever he smelled alcohol on Two-Bit’s breath. Susie looking at him in disappointment with those big, brown eyes whenever he came home drunk. Sodapop’s pitying looks whenever he had beer for breakfast and Darry telling him about AA meetings and Ponyboy reciting statistics in an attempt to get him to stop. 

He thought about visiting the hospital and seeing Johnny, laying there, useless and in pain. Being useless and watching, helpless, as he died slowly and painfully. He thought about Dally crumpling under a streetlight, seventeen and hopeless. He thought about how he was never going to leave their neighborhood, how he was never going to graduate from highschool, how Ponyboy and Darry would leave and find someplace better and Steve and Soda would open their own gas station and he would be left there alone, still nursing his third beer on a Wednesday morning when he was thirty. 

He took another swig. 

And I'm fallin' in love with everyone just for a minute

She was pretty. A brunette, not a blonde, and brown eyes, not blue, but she was pretty. And she was funny and smart and really liked Soda. 

They’d had fun that evening and she was a bit older than him so she lived alone and they were at her place. He should be happy. He should be enjoying himself. But all he could think about was blond hair and someone else’s kid. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured as he stepped away, buttoning his shirt back up, “I can’t.”

20 and I'm runnin' away from everythin', I dropped out of school

Whenever Darry had a problem as a kid – homework he couldn’t figure out, a fight with some friends, someone being rude to him –, his dad would always remind him he played football, not track. He didn’t run away from things, he tackled them. He would force him to face the problem head-on and figure it out and not let it rest until it was solved. 

Lately, he’d been thinking that maybe he could replace Ponyboy as the track star in the family. 

Sure, he paid the bills and got custody and made half-hearted apologies when he was too out of line with Ponyboy, but the moment sadness poked its head out, tentatively asking if it could heal his wounds now, he shoved it down twice as hard as last time. He hadn’t let himself cry once in the last seven months, no matter how many times he wanted to. That wasn’t about to change any time soon. 

(It changed a month later as he hugged his brothers in a hospital waiting room when it finally came to be too much.)

To end up wakin' on another cold park bench

Steve’s father was kicking him out more often. It used to be once a month, for maybe two or three days. Now it was practically every week. 

It almost wasn’t worth going back. 

He couldn’t go over to the Curtises’ that often. Not just because it wasn’t fair for them to have to put up with him for so long, but also because it was humiliating. If he wasn’t even good enough for his own father to want him around, then who would?

Johnny would see him at the lot and Dally would see him at Buck’s so he went to the park. It was deserted at night and was on their turf so he could sleep undisturbed. 

He tried to ignore the shame rolling around in his chest when he woke up at sunrise to clean himself up with the fountain’s icy water. 

And I've turned off a part of me 

Soda wasn’t allowed to have feelings anymore, apparently. He wasn’t a person anymore, just a rope. A rope for his brothers to tug back and forth until he tore right down the middle. 

He’d never been all that good at following rules, but this was one he could follow. No feelings? He could do that. He could make himself a smiling, steady presence for his brothers. He could stretch himself thin enough to cover everyone. 

He could keep his family together.  

that I can't find anymore

He’d tried. Ponyboy swore that he’d tried.

But he couldn’t finish Gone with the Wind. He couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to concentrate on a sentence for more than a couple seconds before his mind started to wander. Johnny had been better than him at finding meaning in things. There was probably something there that he couldn’t see. 

Why even read if he couldn’t know what Johnny would have thought? What he would have felt? Why should Ponyboy get to read words that Johnny never would?

How was he supposed to stay gold when the golden part of himself was rotting underground?

I'm sick of always questionin' myself

Cherry walked home alone from the drive-in for the fourth time this month. Every time. He got drunk every single time, no matter what she did. 

Was she doing something wrong? Did being a good girlfriend mean turning a blind eye and pretending like she didn’t care? Was it all her fault? Maybe if she was better in some way – not as annoying, more obedient, nicer – he wouldn’t have to drink himself stupid every Friday. 

It’s not your fault, she told herself. It was not her fault. It was Bob’s. She didn’t have to be more submissive, he had to stop drinking. 

But it wasn’t his fault either. He didn’t conjure up alcohol out of nowhere. Store clerks and older kids and adults, they turned a blind eye. They let a boy, a child, get something that was almost a drug so they could put some money in their pockets and he would have the courage to beat up other children.  

And what I'm doin' wrong

Randy watched as Bob swung another punch. He was wearing rings. That was going to scar. The kid was almost crying. 

What were they even doing? Why were they here? What did they want to prove? The kid hadn’t even done anything wrong, he was just wandering around. 

Randy’d seen the guy around school. He was quiet, kept to himself. Had bruises sometimes and always told teachers – the few that cared – that he’d fallen. It was obvious he hadn’t. Who falls into hands around their neck? 

Why were they beating on someone who already had it so rough? It wasn’t the kid’s fault he was a greaser, just like it wasn’t Bob’s fault his parents let him get away with murder and it wasn’t Randy’s fault his parents didn’t let him take a breath without telling them about it.  

It was wrong, it was all so wrong, the way they all thrived on violence, acting like it made some sort of a difference to anyone. Who was watching them and deciding the winner? Who would make the rules change if they just beat on one more innocent kid, made one more little boy scared to walk around at night?

I've been fightin' with who I am inside my head

Sylvia collapsed onto the couch with a sigh, half expecting her mother to come out to scold her for being unladylike.  

Not like that was going to happen anytime soon. She’d chosen herself over her children when she’d up and left with no warning. So now there was no one around to tell Sylvia to wear longer skirts or less makeup or tie her hair back or go back to school. 

School. It was four. Remmy'd finished an hour ago. She had to pick him up. Fuck. She’d let Evie drag her along to a rally and lost track of time. 

The teacher rolled her eyes when Sylvia showed up half an hour later, muttering about whores and how it wasn’t her job to take care of accidents. Sylvia figured she could have nicely corrected her and told her Remmy was her baby brother and she was late because she’d been trying to get equal rights, actually, but she didn’t really feel like it. Saying that bitch’s boyfriend was the father was much more satisfying.  

It wasn’t worth it, though, when Remmy stormed off alone down the street and she had to run after him. He was mad. Of course he was mad. She’d been an hour and a half late picking him up and instead of apologizing and taking him home quietly, she’d picked a fight with his teacher. 

She really was useless, wasn’t she? Every day she told herself today would be the day she changed for the better, but she never really did. 

And I don't know me anymore

Maybe a label was supposed to be enough. Drunk. Brother. Dreamer. Useless. Girlfriend. Greaser. Soc. 

Why wasn’t it?

And I wish I was somebody else

Just to feel like I'm enough for myself

[exhaustedwriterartist]

Regular Leo and Our Other Halves Leo. My little vent outlets:

I head cannon Leo disassociating, reliving events, and having a truly hard time forgiving himself post-movie.

Joys shown through my boy. Art block is starting to hit hard, but I've retaliated by drawing my feelings in two mediums.

[deoidesign]

.

[rapidhighway]

also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard

[jamesphillimoresumbrella]

Thinking about a lot of things but mainly of how Terry Pratchett writes tiredness.

(Which means I’m mainly thinking of Sam Vimes. Which is normal.)

But he gets it so right.

The feeling behind your eyeballs. Stealing time from your future self with coffee, and, when the coffee doesn’t work anymore, going on sheer bloody mindedness because you cannot stop, you can’t. Not being sure when you last had real sleep. The strange state of mind you land in where you should absolutely not be tested because everything’s on a hair trigger, and things feel like they’re moving through treacle and your ability to make decisions feels shot to hell so you can only hope that you’re making the right choices.

Not Terry Pratchett’s words, if course, but I can’t get to my bookshelf at the moment, and, if I could, I’m not sure that I can read anymore. 

I’m tired, is what I’m getting at.

And Terry Pratchett writes the whole spectrum of being human so brilliantly, but, damn, how he nails down being tired. 

[furshrimps]

WTF HOW DID THAT HAPPEN

more importantly

WHYYYY

😂😂😂😂

they were waiting for me to get finished in the bathroom so we can go on our morning walk but

[tenspontaneite]

Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn

[anaalnathrakhs]

btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.

[blujayonthewing]

oh who doesn't love a classic Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

[captaintiny]

.

[myname-isnia]

It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings

[chrisbangs]

.

[criscura]

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