#and now it’s just like wow that is so unrealistic people my age don’t drink or party like that

[numnue]

saving this years reread of aristotle and dante dtsotu until the month i turn 16 so that it really hits me hard (i’m not emotionally prepared to be jealous of characters my own age)

[imagineyourworld]

Hey there! Could I request g. with Luke Skywalker with an inquisitor reader? Congrats on reaching 100, can't wait to read more of your work!

Hi,

Thank you so much <3

That's a really interesting request, I hope I can do it justice.

Love, Charlie

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Luke Skywalker x Genderneutral!Inquisitor!Reader

g. "Sorry doesn't fix everything."

Warnings: Slight age difference (just a couple of years, not specified), kinda self-harm, but not really

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You didn't consider yourself anyone special. You were one of many, one of many children orphaned during the end of the Clone Wars or the beginning of the Empire, one of many cadets in the Imperial Academy, one of many singled out on your fifteenth birthday for 'special training'. It wasn't until you turned eighteen and were sent on your first mission, the only one of your squad to ever receive a mission at all, that you realized that maybe there was something special about you, though you only managed to put it in words once none other than Grand Moff Tarkin, the Grand Moff Tarkin, pinned a medal on your chest and congratulated you to your promotion. That's when you realized that you were special, you were one of only a handful of Inquisitors, chosen and trained to rid the galaxy of the few remaining Jedi or those who still had faith in the doomed order, those whose abilities were too dangerous to let them live. You were good at what you did, if not one of the best, and had countless medals to prove it. Maybe that's why your next mission came from very high up, from Darth Vader himself. The day you met the second most powerful man in the galaxy would change your life forever, though whether for better or for worse you would never be able to tell.

-------

Vader had sent you to what had to be the worst planet you have visited so far. Tatooine was nothing but a pile of sand, two burning suns and more criminals and low lives than you cared to count. Though for someone high up in the empire, who received a generous salary, it wasn't too bad. Rent and food were cheaper than other places, so you allowed yourself the rare luxury of renting a small suite in one of the better hotels the planet had to offer. The mission itself was simple, all you had to do was listen to locals and maybe ask a few inconspicuous questions to find out whether there were any Jedi sympathizers left in this corner of the galaxy. That's how you met him, and how your life changed once more. Luke Skywalker quite literally ran into you the first time you visited a place called Tosche station. He was just leaving as you were entering, and since he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and you had no space to move to the side the two of you collided. Luke managed to stay on his feet, but you began to stumble and fall, only to suddenly find yourself in his arms. Wow, that kid has fast reflexes, was the first thing you thought, but once you got a closer look at him you realized that he was no kid, at the most he was a couple of years younger than you, though his out of style clothes and long hair made him appear younger than is actual age. "I am so sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Are you alright?", he asked, his arms still around you and concern in his eyes. You didn't know what it was, but there was something about him that made you stare just a moment longer, and heat rise up to your cheeks. "I'm fine. But I might feel better if you bought me a drink", you replied. Your keen eyes noticed the blush that crept up his face at your words. His reaction, and the overall lack of young people, let alone attractive young people, on this planet made it obvious that he wasn’t used to flirting, which brought out a strange sense of accomplishment and possessiveness in you.  “Just wait here, I’ll get us something to drink and I know a shady place to sit down”, he told you before disappearing in the crowd. 

-------

True to his word Luke reappeared a moment later and lead you to what seemed to be an abandoned farm a short distance away. That’s where the two of you settled and only when the suns began to set did you get back up. You didn’t remember the last time you have had a conversation like this, talking about everything and nothing. In just one short afternoon you learned more about Luke than you knew about most of your fellow cadets back at the academy. He was an orphan, living with his aunt and uncle on their moisture farm and though the two of them were happy with that life, Luke wanted more, he wanted to see the galaxy, a sentiment you could understand more than he knew. Luke was all of the things the people in your life weren’t; open and honest, sweet and funny, warm as the two suns above and quite good looking on top of it. In retrospect you should have known that it wouldn’t take Luke long to find a place in your heart, and your frequent meetings that followed after your first day together certainly didn’t help.  Luke was your first kiss, only a week after you first met him in the Tatooine desert with gleaming stars and a bright moon above.  He was the first one you told about your past, at least a few basics. You told him that you were an orphan, that your parents had been killed during the last few days of the Clone Wars and that you have been on your own since you were a baby. You told him about the loneliness and fears you usually kept bottled up and your unrealistic dreams for the future.  Luke was the first you slept with, back in your hotel suite, after you had treated him to a dinner nicer than any he has had back on the farm. It wasn’t like what your peers had told you sex was like, it was sweet and passionate and lovely.  And even though you tried your best not to, Luke was the first person you ever fell in love with, the first you cared about, other than the memory of parents you didn’t even remember if you were being honest.  Your relationship with Luke was both the only real thing and the biggest lie in your life. He had told you everything about himself, but you had no choice but to keep lying to him again and again, no matter how much it hurt. Maybe that’s why part of you was glad when, after once again reporting that there was nothing unusual on Tatooine, you were told your mission was over and you should report to the Death Star.  When you told Luke that you’d have to leave the next day he kissed you in his unique sweet way and whispered the three words you have come to cherish against your lips.  “In that case I think I should give this to you now. I had been planning to wait til our one year anniversary next month, but I guess that doesn’t matter now”, he mumbled, speaking more to himself than to you. Before you could ask what he was talking about he pulled a small box out of the messenger back he usually carried with him. Gently he opened the box to reveal the most stunning bracelet you have ever seen.  “It was my mother’s, one of the few things I have of hers. I want you to have it.”  You lifted the bracelet out of  its box, admiring how the stones shone in the soft light of the candles around your suite.  “Luke...”, you said, trying your best not to let your voice break. “I cannot accept this.”  You lowered the bracelet to put it back in the box, but before you could Luke took your hand in his and used his other hand to close your finger on top of it.  “I want you to have it, I really do. To remember me by. Besides, the colour really doesn’t suit me.”  You couldn’t fight the smile that found its way to your lips at his bad joke, neither the tears that appeared in your eyes. It really was time for you to leave this planet, to leave Luke, if you didn’t do it soon you feared you never would.  “Thank you. I won’t take this off, I promise”, you vowed as he gently fastened the bracelet around your wrist and then pressed a soft kiss on your pulse point.  “I love you”, he said with a sad smile.  Only then did it occur to you that he had said it multiple times now, almost every day ever since the first time he had said it almost seven months ago, but never once did you say the words back. Maybe it was fitting that the only time you told him how you felt about him was when saying goodbye.  “I love you too, Luke.” 

-------

Soon after your return to the Empire, and your first visit to the infamous Death Star, did you realize why you had been called back so suddenly. The war against the rebels was picking up pace and the Empire could use all the help it could get.  The next year was busy, you were no longer sent on solo missions but rather trained with the elite forces, taught to fly and shoot instead of fighting with your lightsaber, and then it suddenly stopped.  After the Battle of Yavin the Empire had to regroup, rethink its strategies, and fight a new opponent.  “We have information about an old Jedi temple, you will leave tomorrow and destroy it”, Grand Moff Tarkin informed you in his usual clipped way.  This caught your attention, and for the first time in a while your interest. Hunting Jedi, making sure no children strong with the force would ever find out about their existence and take care of them if they did was what you were trained for, what you often thought you were born to do. Suddenly it dawned on you that the last time you had actually been assigned a mission like this was before Tatooine, before Luke.  “Why me? I don’t mean to question your decision, but there are many older, more skilled Inquisitors.”  Tarkin simply nodded. “I agree. But Lord Vader asked for you specifically. You’re to leave for Dagobah tomorrow at 0700.” 

-------

Your short research told you that Dagobah was basically a slimy mudhole, but upon arrival it seemed even worse than in the pictures on the holonet.   “If that temple is inside one of those swamps I’m not even gonna bother, I’ll just set fire to the whole planet”, you mumbled as you climbed out of your TIE fighter, careful not to get your bracelet caught on the ladder. That had happened once during one of your first flying lessons and it had cost you almost a month’s salary to get it repaired, apparently the medal alone was worth more than you made in a year, from the stones you might even be able to buy a small planet.  The second your feet touched the ground you felt something dripping down from the trees onto your arms, which you could only hope was water.  Luckily, after just a few meters, you stumbled upon a path covered with mostly dry branches and pebbles.  “I thought this planet was supposed to be abandoned, but this looks almost like someone made this path on purpose.”  You kept walking along the path, checking your datapad every now and then to make sure you were headed the right way.  After what felt like half an eternity of walking you finally reached a small hut, which your datapad assured you was right next to the temple, though since you couldn’t see anything other than the hut and a million trees you decided to investigate there first, who knew what you may find.  A familiar buzz ran through your entire body, adrenaline and excitement preparing you for what was to come. With a slight smile on your lips you ignited your lightsaber, partially so you’d be ready for what- or whoever would be waiting for you inside, partially because from where you stood in the doorway you could tell that it was incredibly dark and the added benefit of a lightsaber was the soft glow that helped in situations like this.  Inside the hut was larger than it had seemed on the outside, mostly meaning that there was more than just one room. In fact, there was a long hallway with open doors on both sides leading to different rooms. The first couple of rooms you checked, if they could even be called that, were pretty much overtaken by nature and rotting away. There was nothing that spoke of Jedi, or any other intelligent being, having been there in recent years. It wasn’t until you were closing in on the last rooms that you heard a low noise, followed by a gut feeling that told you that what you were looking for would be in that room. Though since you didn’t know what, or who, exactly would be in there you entered the room with your lightsaber stretched out in front of you, hoping the red sword would make any possible threat stand down before they could try anything while you would remain in the shadowy hallway to glance inside.  The plan seemed to work, since you heard a small gasp from inside the room just a moment before you realized who it had come from.  “Luke?”  “(Y/N)?”  Both your voices were astounded, shocked, and mournful. Of all the people in the galaxy, why did it have to be Luke Skywalker you found here of all places?  “What are you doing here?”, you asked as you slowly entered the room.  It was then that you noticed just how different Luke looked, how much he had changed since you last saw him. His hair was a bit shorter, his skin paler and his eyes darker. And he was wearing an orange flight suit, the outfit was completed by the helmet in his hand, with the familiar rebel symbol on the side.  You turned your lightsaber off before fastening it to your belt, just in time because only moments later you felt your legs begin to wobble before they gave out underneath you.  Luke, his reflexes fast as ever, quickly pushed a chair in your direction, so you would fall on that instead of the hard floor.  “Luke... Please don’t tell me this is what I think it is.”  You didn’t know what made you plead, hated the hurt and fear in your voice, but how could Luke, your Luke, not only be a rebel but be hiding right were an ancient Jedi temple was supposed to be.  “If you’re asking whether I’m a rebel, the answer is yes”, he said after a moment of silence. “But judging by that red saber that’s not the only thing you’re asking.”  Luke astonished you by sitting down on the small bed you only just noticed, one of the few pieces of furniture in the small room. How could he be so calm?  “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re a... what do you call yourselves again? Inquisitors?”  You couldn’t help the inappropriate laugh that escaped your lips.  “Yes, Inquisitors. Also known as the only people stopping the Jedi from destroying the galaxy as we know it.”  Luke simply looked at you, an expression on his face you’ve never seen. He seemed to be beyond angry, though there was no denying the sadness in his eyes.  “Is that what you believe? That the Jedi, the few Jedi you and those like you haven’t slaughtered, are trying to destroy the galaxy?”  Not knowing what made you do it you sat down next to Luke, though you did your best to put some distance between you on the small bed.  “Luke, I know this might be hard to hear, I know some people, rebels and Jedi alike, probably told you more lies than either of us can count, but the Jedi are bad. They once controlled the galaxy, did you know that? And they used that control to gain riches and live comfortably while others suffered. They were selfish and deceiving and cruel and Emperor Palpatine was the only one who could stop them. You know that, don’t you?”, you asked. Of course Luke had to know that, know the truth. You spoke to him in a soft voice, careful not to burst his bubble too sudden, to give him time to adjust and acknowledge what deep down you were sure he had to know.  “Is that what they told you? What they made you believe so you would go around killing innocent children, scared old fugitives and all those trying to live normal lives after a genocide? Wake up, (Y/N)! It’s not the Jedi that are bad, it’s the Empire.”  Luke reached out to take your hand and for reasons unknown to you, you let him.  “The Empire raised you, didn't it?”, he asked.  To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You’ve never really told Luke anything about your past, you weren’t even sure whether you told him that you were an orphan, but certainly not what your childhood had been like.  “How did you know?”  He moved closer to you before he answered, reached for your face to lay a hand on your cheek. The sadness in his eyes was even more obvious now, so much so that it took over his entire face.  “There’s no other explanation. If you had known life outside the Empire, if even just for a moment, you would know just how false everything you just said is.”  You shook your head. Though doubt began to creep in on you, the bigger part of your brain knew that Luke must be trying one of his Jedi tricks on you. But as soon as that thought appeared you neglected it. This was Luke, your Luke. Sweet and kind and caring, he couldn’t hurt a fly, much less you, no matter how much time has passed. So was what he was saying true? At least partially?  “They told you what they want you to believe, never let you make up your own mind. I know you, (Y/N), I know that deep down, somewhere underneath all those lies you’ve been told, you’re a good person, and that person doesn’t have to heart to be an Inquisitor.”  There was an expression on Luke’s face you knew all too well. Hope.  He squeezed your hand before lifting it up to his lips to press a soft kiss on the back of it.  “Luke, I... I’m...”, you started, but with how much your lip was quivering you couldn’t finish your sentence.  “It’s alright”, Luke said before pressing another kiss to your hand. “You don’t need to say it, you don’t need to apologize. You know, sorry doesn’t fix everything, but it’s a good start. And if you let me, I can help you. You could start a new life as part of the rebellion, I’m sure they’d be glad to have someone of your expertise.”  As Luke kept talking your head began to spiral. Finally you came to a conclusion, and though you knew it was the right thing, you almost didn’t go through with it, knowing you wouldn’t be able to look Luke in the eyes afterwards.  Slowly you began to loosen your hand from Luke’s grasp and removed his other hand from your cheek.  “I’m not sorry. I’m not gonna say that I am when I’m not. Maybe what I’ve done was wrong, and if that’s the case your rebellion would never accept me, I don’t think I would accept me if what I have done wasn’t for the good of the galaxy, or maybe everything I’ve ever been taught was right and you’re lying to me. Whatever it is, I cannot say that I’m sorry, much less go with you, until I know the truth.”  You took a deep breath and averted your eyes from Luke’s face. You couldn’t bear to look at him right now.  “I know you won’t hurt me, even though you probably should. And I won’t hurt you, even though that’s what I’m here for. I’ll go looking for answers, to see whether I’m the villain you think I am, or the hero I was raised to be.”  As you spoke the last words you got up from the small bed. You could feel Luke’s eyes on you, but knew that if you looked at him, at the face you’ve seen in your dreams ever since you first met, you wouldn’t be able to go through with your plan, instead you’d crumble and fall into his arms, knowing he’d always be there to catch you.  Lucky for you, Luke didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop you until you were almost out the door.  “I still love you”, he finally said. “Maybe I shouldn’t, knowing what I now know, but I can’t help it.”  Even though every bone in your body was screaming at you to turn around, even though your heart was aching to catch one last glimpse at him, you continued to walk out the door, out the hut and didn’t stop until you reached your TIE.  And just as you were taking off, after you have ripped parts of your clothes and carefully cut yourself with your lightsaber to make it seem as if Luke had bested you in battle, you finally did turn around and looked for Luke among the trees. And though you didn’t see him, something told you that he was there, watching you. It was that feeling that made you whisper the words you should have said to him whenever you had the chance.  “I love you too. And I’m sorry, for everything.” 

-------

I’m so sorry that this took ages, but I hope it was worth the wait. I really loved this idea and though I don’t think I really did it justice I have tried my best. 

[advena87]

Kaer Morhen shenanigans (but mostly Lambert’s) part 6

.

Here is: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 and Daily Lambert

also Keira & Lambert’s love story, Aiden & Lambert’s love story and… this.

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Lambert: I need an adult.

Eskel: You ARE an adult.

Geralt: Eskel now you have exaggerated.

***

Vesemir: I love you son.

Lambert: Unrealistic. Unbelievable. Lies. False.

***

Vesemir: Lambert! Don’t make me come over there and be a parent!

Lambert: FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING, HUH?!

Berengar: BUUURN!

***

Vesemir, a tired dad, trying to teach the next witcher generation: Okay, let’s try this one last time. Forest, corpses everywhere, Leshen attack. What do you do?

Geralt:

Eskel: …

Lambert: Call the witche-

Vesemir: YOU ARE THE WITCHERS!

*later*

Vesemir: *launches the witchers into Leshen’s forest*

Eskel: Vesemir, where is the rest of the guys?

Vesemir: I'll tell you where they're not... safe.

*in the forest*

Geralt, fighting with Leshen: Lambert, quick, think! What would Vesemir do in this situation?!

Imaginary Vesemir in Lambert’s head: *walks away* Bye, Lambert!

Lambert: I'm beginning to think I have issues.

Geralt: *fighting* Lambert, support!

Lambert: Well your hair looks terrific. Grey is a lovely color on you. And frankly, you're the only one on this team I can rely on.

Geralt: I meant hit him!!!

*after defeating Leshen*

Geralt: Luckily all that violence and gore had no disturbing side-effects on our decent childhoods-

Lambert: *quartering Leshen while drinking blood from it’s skull*

Geralt: ...

Lambert: I'm sorry, I have to do that every twelve minutes.

Vesemir: I’ve never felt such an odd mixture of pride and mortal terror.

***

Eskel: Hey, Lambert, how are things going with Vesemir?

Lambert: I dunno, lets see. HEY DAD, YOU WANT TO TRAIN WITH ME!?

Vesemir: *in the distance* FUCK OFF!

Lambert: Why are you acting like this? I’m your son!

Vesemir: Yeah and are you as disappointed as I am?

Eskel: Wow, you are just the Grand Central Station of disappointment for him, aren't you?”

Lambert: Yup. Thats me.

***

Vesemir: Lambert, if I die before you, I want you to lower me into my grave.

Lambert: Aw, da-

Vesemir: So you can let me down one last time.

Lambert:

Lambert: Eskel, do me a favour, if I die before him, cremate me and throw my ashes in Vesemir’s face.

***

Eskel: Don't you miss the vivid imagination of childhood?

Lambert: I never had one.

Berengar: An imagination or a childhood?

Lambert: ...

Geralt, mockingly: Oh, what, not gonna tell us your tragic backstory? I thought you loved to talk about that shit.

Lambert, completely deadpan: If I felt like talking about my childhood trauma, I'd go to therapy. Murder is way less emotionally taxing.

Eskel: ... I can't tell if your childhood was that fucked up, or you're just okay with killing people.

Lambert: It's less of an 'or' and more of a 'one lead to the other'.

***

Eskel: Lambert! Are you drinking again?

Lambert: Yep.

Eskel: You said no more alcohol!

Lambert: I said “no, more alcohol”.

Eskel: Do you live in your own little world?

Lambert: Yes. But unfortunately I have to share it with all of you.

***

Lambert, drunk as shit: Give me my sword!

Geralt, also drunk, handing him a plastic butter knife: Here you are, my liege.

Lambert: Thank you, peasant.

Lambert, pointing the knife at Eskel: SURRENDER OR FACE MY WRATH.

Eskel, late and sober: Are... Are you kidding? You’re joking right-

Geralt: DO NOT INSULT M’LORD.

***

Lambert: Hey, do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Berengar: You're a hazard to society.

Geralt: And a coward, do twenty!

Eskel, to Berengar: Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?

Berengar: Everytime I look at these two.

***

Geralt: Taco cat spelled backwards is still taco cat.

Eskel: I don’t know what to do with this information.

Lambert: Dog food lid spelled backwards is dildo of god.

Eskel: I don’t know what to do with this information either.

Berengar: Crack? Is that what you two smoke? Do you smoke crack?

***

Lambert: *does something selfless without making a joke of it and genuinely being nice*

Eskel: So you do have feelings after all?

Lambert: *shrugging* When I have the time.

***

Geralt: They call me coffee because I grind so fine.

Eskel: Oh my God.

Berengar: They call me coffee because I keep you up past 2 a.m.

Eskel: Stop.

Lambert: They call me coffee-

Eskel: Please don’t.

Lambert: -because I’m dark and bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of who I am.

Eskel: Oh.

Lambert: Sorry, thats just my train of thought.

Geralt: Or as we like to call it-

Berengar: The Anxiety Express. Don't worry, I have one of these too. I thought I was in a bad mood, but it’s been a few years now. So I guess this is just who I am now.

Eskel: Am I the only normal child here?

***

Berengar: Being a pessimist is great. I'm always either right or pleasantly surprised.

Eskel: That’s an awfully optimistic take on pessimism.

***

Lambert: Oh, are you *covers Eskel’s ears* kidding me?

Berengar: That... wasn’t a swear word.

Lambert: It’s not? *sighs* Ah, shit! I swear so much, I don’t even fucking know the difference anymore!

***

Berengar: At my age, do you know how I’m statistically most likely to die?

Geralt: At the hands of your brother?

Berengar: An accident.

Geralt: That’s how I’m going to make it look.

Berengar: You can’t kill me if I kill myself first.

Vesemir: WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT?!

Geralt: Actually, yours.

***

Geralt: Has anyone ever told you to keep your damn mouth shut?

Lambert: Everyone. All the time.

***

Lambert, drunk: Hold on! I’m having one of those things… a headache with pictures?

Berengar: What the fuck?

Eskel: He's having an idea.

***

Geralt: *Can’t find Lambert in a crowd* Shit, we lost him.

Eskel: This calls for drastic measures.

Eskel: VESEMIR IS A GREAT FATHER!

Lambert: WHAT?!?!!

Eskel: There he is.

*meanwhile*

Berengar: Excuse me. I lost my youngers brothers, in a crowd. Can I make an announcement?

Store Clerk: Of course.

Berengar: *leans into mic*

Berengar: Goodbye, you little shits.

*later*

Berengar: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Vesemir: Berengar, you lost all your brothers!

Berengar: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Vesemir: Prepare to feel really bad about yourself!

Berengar: Oh yeah? I’ve been prepared for that my whole life.

***

Vesemir: There will come a moment when you have the chance to do the right thing.

Berengar: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Vesemir: There are always lessons in failures...

Berengar: Ah, yes, this must be why you are very wise by now.

Vesemir: Yup, I have four of you.

***

Lambert: *throws open balcony doors at 6am*

Lambert: GOOD MORNING WORLD!

Berengar *from the lower balcony* Shut the fuck up!!!

Lambert: YOUR LITTLE RAY OF SARCASTIC SUNSHINE HAS ARRIVED!

Berengar: Lambert, let me ask you a question.

Lambert: Shoot.

Berengar: Is there any part of “shut the fuck up” that you don’t understand? 'Cause I’d be happy to explain it to you.

.

[flirting-with-psychology]

[zombiebandido]

Can you recommend any Neil Gaiman to me, aside from Stardust or Good Omens? I cannot

What’s the best concert you’ve been to, if you’ve been? Idk, I think I’m just not huge on concerts

What’s the funniest screenname you’ve ever seen? i-run-with-scissors-to-feel-dangerous

Is there an animal you like that most people don’t? Don’t think so

Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it’s liked? Goats or cows, maybe

Is there a time period you think is underrated? Not really

What about music? Showtunes

Do you find yourself listening to music that’s a bit more esoteric? No

What are your three favorite books and why? Harry Potter because of the worldbuilding, Mistborn because of the worldbuilding and characters, A Confusion of Princes because it is a fun standalone book

What about authors? Idk, I mostly like specific books  Do you have any likes you wouldn’t tell someone until you got to know them? Nah probably not

Do you have a favorite language? Not really

What about a place you’ve always wanted to visit? Ireland

What’s something someone does or says that just makes you laugh? Idk, it’s usually situational

Do goldfish crackers ever make you sick, or is that just me? No?

Do you have a favorite art style? Probably realistic

Do you have a favorite myth/fairy-tale? No, sorry I’m being boring with this quiz

Who is your favorite person aside from family? Probably my bff

Do any of your pets (if you have them) have weird quirks? My cat was just very emphatic

Do you listen to music from anywhere besides America? Not really

Have you ever “quit” a site and came back to it more than once? No

Do you have an “odd” fascination with anything? Dice

What is the thing you want most at this moment? An interesting job and a return to normal from the pandemic

What was the last book you read and what was it about? I’m currently reading The Martian about an astronaut stranded on mars

What was the worst book you’ve ever read & why? Walk Two Moons because the twist ending fucked me up

Do you have a favorite breed of dog or cat? Which? Golden retrievers

If you like any anime/manga, what are some titles you recommend? I don’t really like it

What do you think about school in general? I thought it was interesting and I wish I could go back

What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through, & what did you learn from it? Maybe the braces. Dk what I learned from it

What are three “unrealistic” things you want most? An interesting creative job with steady and high pay lol, the lottery, the good place experience from The Good Place

What are some of your favorite foods? Pasta, chocolate, cereal. I am a simple girl

Where do you like to buy your clothes? Kohl’s, Macy’s, and thrift shops

Do you take any daily vitamins? When I remember

Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? Kelsier from Mistborn, Sirius Black from Harry Potter, Raydan Lykel from The Crown and the Flame

If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idfk

When buying Slurpees, if you do, do you get only one flavor or mix them? Mixing is fun

Do you have a favorite 7Eleven food? No

Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? Not strongly

If you could have any career, “realistic”-ness aside, what would it be? Something in film maybe

What are three memorable movies from your childhood? The Little Mermaid, Harry Potter, Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper

Do you, personally, put a space after ellipses, or not? Let me check... do I? I guess I do

What do some of the things that inspire you have in common? Making things

Micky D’s sweet tea, y/n/other? No

What are three of your best (non-physical) qualities? Creativity, honesty, smarts

What are three of your worst (again; non-physical) qualities? Stubbornness, anxiety, lack of empathy

What is one of your firmest beliefs? I don’t really have firm beliefs

Do you ever question things until you’re unsure of even the silliest thing? Yes

Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you’d truly enjoy? Anxiety and procrastination, and money

What are your three biggest pet peeves (personality-wise) in others? Holier-than-thou people, acting like you’re too cool for fun, being unsafe

Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I admit to most of them but I’m not so great at working on them

What are three of your best physical qualities? (NOT EYES!) Why not eyes? Other than that, I guess hair color, boobs, singing voice (at least I’d like to think so)

What are some of your greatest aspirations? Do something fun, have a good social life, see what I would look like in my prime

How do you hope the world will change, if at all? Get done with the pandemic, stop having capitalism be so shitty

Who are three (fairly known) people you find very intriguing? Taylor Swift, Voldemort, F. Scott Fitzgerald

What are three things that make you the happiest? hanging out with friends, crafts, cuddling with my boyfriend

What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? I don’t believe in them

Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? YES

Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? No, I am just not that into video games

What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? Macbook Pro

What are you good at? Crafts and school

What career do you hope to have? Something creative

Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I’m finished with school but I wish I could go back

If you don’t attend, are you taking any “lessons” for anything? No

A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Harry Potter

If you know of pandora.com, what is your favorite station? I haven’t listened to pandora in ages

Have you ever “lost” a friend in any way? How did you deal? Some just faded away but some actively ditched me and I tried to find out why

Any music recommendations? Showtunes

What are at least three of your biggest fears? Spiders, living a mundane life, covid right now

Most recently read book that you liked? A Confusion of Princes

Do you have a piece of jewelry you don’t like to take off? No, I have so many that I like to alternate them

Do you have a favorite quote? Why is it your favorite? Carpe Diem. Haven’t lived it much lately though Any odd pastimes you have? Making lists and charts

Are you quirky in any way? (Name them please). My fashion sense especially in high school, the nerdy things I do

Have any practices you aren’t opposed to but wouldn’t do yourself? Probably a lot, I’m generally of the live and let live mindset

Political standing?

Left

Do you have any piercings/what do you think about piercings? I just have my ears pierced

Do you have a favorite material? I’m a fan of soft materials like suede or velvet, also metals like copper and silver

What are three names you’d name a pet if you HAD to get a pet right now? It depends on the pet

Do you like to listen to dorky/amusing music? Idk

Coffee vs. Tea vs. Energy Drinks: Order from favorite to least favorite. Tea, energy drinks, coffee

Do you like more “fruity” sweets or “savory” sweets? Fruity unless it’s chocolate

What do you hate the most? Spiders

What genres of music are your favorite? Showtunes

Do you believe in true love? Idk

Do you believe in love at first sight? If yes, why? No

What are some of your favorite clothing accessories? Jewelry

If reincarnation exists, what sort of person would you want to be next?

One of those outgoing guys that always has adventures with his friends What are some things you believe strongly in? Idk

Where’s your favorite place you’ve been? London was pretty cool, also Italy

What sort of books and movies do you like? For books: sci-fi, fantasy, dystopia. For movies: rom-com, sci-fi, musical

What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday? Idk, just stay in

Is there a book you’ve read that really touched you? The Great Gatsby just because I related to Gatsby a lot

Do you have a favorite artist? Taylor Swift

PC or MAC? Mac

What do you love doing? Crafts, shopping, board games

If you could create the perfect world for yourself, what would it be? Basically just the good place from The Good Place. Unlimited time and resources to learn and try things without pressure to make money off it

Do you think that fate plays a part in people’s lives? Not really

Are you religious, spiritual, atheist…? Atheist

What are your opinions on the media? The media is a very broad range of things

Do you think that people throw the words “love” and “hate” around too much? Idk

What is your favorite piece of technology that you own? My laptop

What’s a piece of technology you’d like to own? I have what I want at the moment.

Are you afraid of technology developing to where we’re too reliant on it? A little bit of getting to the point where a lot of jobs get replaced with AI, because instead of making lives easier like they could be, there will just be a huge unempolyment problem that our stupid capitalist society won’t solve

Does it bother you when people do things to fit in with a certain crowd? If it’s not what they want to do

Hot or cold? Cold Do you think that Bzoink should extent the character amount for questions? I don’t use Bzoink

Do you have a favorite combination of complimentary colors? Maybe green and pink

Do you know why all the young people who have nice cars always look grumpy? I don’t think I’ve noticed that

What’s your favorite odd ice cream flavor? Lemon Sorbet or Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch

Where do you like to get your ice cream? Haagen Dasz or Ben and Jerry’s

What’s your opinion on stereotypes/labels? Idk

Do you ever use random word generators for Bzoinkoids?

What?

Do you believe that history repeats itself? It sure seems like it is

Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Learn from them

What was the most interesting class you had in school? My words and music class in college Do you write? If so, what? I used to write poetry, I sometimes come up with stories but I don’t really write them

Do you have a favorite website? Tumblr and Etsy

Do you think that the quality of TV shows is going down? No, there are usually good ones to discover

Do you have a favorite culture? Maybe Celtic. I just like the art patterns What was a story you heard as a child that really affected you? The Headless Horseman scared me a lot

Who was your favorite grade-school teacher and why? My third grade teacher and my 6th grade math teacher

Do you think that the world will end? How? Probably in a few billion years when the sun turns into a red giant

Do you believe in Global Warming? Have you researched it? Yes but I haven’t researched it

Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos

Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes

[chilling-seavey]

For “Anything But Mine” blurb – first meeting between Florence and Daniel ~T

Yess...this one has a special place in my heart. This is the song that inspired it x

Word Count: 5.4k (yikes)

The house party was farther into the downtown core, set on a calm street near the university campus but the night brought rowdiness to the neighbourhood. Aidan helped Florence out of the car and they stood arm in arm on the curb, staring up at the house. Late aged teenagers were spread around the lawn and taking up all the space on the porch in a cloud of smoke. The loud music thudded the foundation of the old house and Florence could have sworn the windows were about to burst.

It took a lot of convincing to Aidan’s dad to let them go, especially in Florence’s condition, but they assured him they would stick together and be home in good time. 

“How did you hear about this party again?” Florence asked Aidan slowly without taking her eyes off the house.

“Just someone in my kinesiology class.” Aidan mumbled. He turned to her and smiled. “It’ll be fine.”

“I know.” Florence returned his comforting smile and they headed for the porch. She was wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt with a grey cardigan, her growing baby bump projecting under the material of the shirt. Of course, it got her a few stares, a group of guys who were smoking on the porch staring at her stomach as she walked into the house. It was staring she was all too used to while going out in public, so she didn’t let it phase her.

“What do you want to do?” Aidan asked her loudly as they made their way into the foyer of the house.

“I’ll just find a place to sit and enjoy the ambiance.” Florence giggled.

“Are you sure?” Aidan asked.

“Yeah! You go have fun…find your friends. I’ll text you if I need you.”

“I’ll make sure to keep my ringer on.” Aidan said. He set his backpack down and shuffled through it to find her virgin margarita in a can. She took it with a soft ‘thank you’ and he gave her a quick one-armed hug and a smile before he headed off to find his friends, bag slung over one shoulder.

Florence took a deep breath and look around the area, seeing the house absolutely packed with university students. It was an unknown house to her, but she walked slowly through the crowd, the cool can secure in her hand. Her other hand was set over her sweater, trying to hide her condition to the onlookers as she squeezed past groups as she entered the kitchen. It was a little less busy there although some girl in limited clothing had her tongue down some guy’s throat. Florence cringed to herself, scanning the room to find a place to sit. The breakfast area that was attached to the kitchen had an L-shaped couch in the corner by the windows leading to the backyard and she placed herself down with her drink. She watched the loud party-goers move around the house as she cracked open her drink and took a small sip.

It was refreshing to finally be out of the Clifford’s house but Florence still felt nervous being around so many unfamiliar people. She started to scold herself for ever thinking it was a good idea to be there. Before she could send a text to Aidan, someone approached her.

“Can I sit here?”

Florence looked up at the brunette boy beside her. He had a can in his hand and a friendly smile on his lips, staring down at her with piercing blue eyes.

“Uh…sure.” Florence nodded, shuffling over a little to he could join her.

“Thanks.” he sat down with a sigh, leaving a good amount of space between them. He took a sip from his can before turning to her. “Not the party type?”

Florence scoffed and simply shrugged, looking to her lap. She was worried this was some sort of dare that his drunk friends put him up to; someone else walking around and ready to take advantage of her.

“This isn’t usually my scene either.” The boy spoke gently. “I don’t drink. Or party.”

Florence eyed the drink in his hands.

“This is only my second.” He assured her as if that was supposed to make her more comfortable to be around him. “And probably my last since I can’t seem to shut my mouth.”

He leaned forward and set the almost empty can on the floor by the leg of the bench before sitting back and facing her. Florence’s eyes followed his every move.

“I’m Daniel.” he offered her an outstretched hand.

“Florence.” She answered slowly, returning his handshake.

“Nice to meet you, Florence.” he smiled softly, genuinely. “Were you forced here by your friends too?”

“No. It was my idea. A dumb idea but…mine.”

“You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“I’m really not.” Florence scoffed.

“Me neither.” Daniel sighed, slouching back against the couch. “I’ve had two beers that honestly did not taste good and my friends are out back having the time of their lives but honestly they’re all plastered already and I’m feeling pretty lonely. Gosh, I swear I’m usually not this talkative. But I’m not drunk; I feel totally sober.”

“Yeah, right.” Florence chuckled.

Daniel shot a smile her way, crossing his arms lazily over his chest, head resting back against the wall, staring at her with those vibrant blue eyes that seemed to shine through the dark house.

“I don’t get the desire to be so drunk, you know? Do they enjoy throwing up everything up in their stomachs at the end of the night?”

“I don’t get it either.” Florence chuckled lightly, picking at her fingernails nervously on her lap, looking away from his intense stare shyly.

Silence fell between them.

“Sorry if I’m bothering you.” Daniel said. “I can leave you alone if you want.”

“No, you’re not bothering me.” Florence looked back up at him. “I guess I’m just not used to people…boys…wanting to talk to me.”

“Why not?”

“I dunno.” Florence shrugged, discreetly setting her hands on her stomach. She hoped he wouldn’t notice.

He did, eyes dropping to her swollen belly under her white t-shirt as she pulled her cardigan over herself to cover it. He didn’t say anything, looking back up to her straight-lined expression.

“They don’t give me a second glance usually. Of if they do its for the wrong reasons. I’m more of a self-directed type of person, I suppose.”

“I get that.” Daniel whispered, turning his body to face her, resting his head on his hand leaning against the back of the couch. “I’ve been too focused on music these past few years to even look at girls and moving across the country last month didn’t help my anxiety. If it wasn’t for the two drinks I’ve had tonight, I wouldn’t be sitting here with enough guts to talk to you.”

“You’re in music?” Florence asked, looking back to him.

“Yeah. I want to be a music producer. Mum and Dad said trying to be a famous singer is unrealistic, so I settled for this.” Daniel shrugged. “It’s really fun though. I’m glad I took the leap of faith.”

“That’s really cool.” Florence smiled softly.

“What are you studying?”

“Uhm,” Florence dropped her gaze again, “I’m not in school. I graduated high school and now I’m living with family friends.”

“That’s okay too.” Daniel said quickly. “Not everyone fits into the insane university lifestyle.”

“I wanted to.” Florence mumbled. “I really did. But unforeseen circumstances arrive, and you can never expect those.”

“Yeah.” Daniel breathed, eyeing her small bump under her cardigan. “How far along are you?”

He spoke softly, nothing but gentle, but Florence’s cheeks flushed a terrible red and she looked the opposite direction.

“Sorry…I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry.” Daniel sighed, running a hand over his face. “God, I can’t seem to shut up.”

Florence couldn’t help but chuckle a little at his exasperation.

“It’s okay.” She said. “No one’s really asked before…no one seems to care. I’m seven months.”

“Wow.” Daniel’s eyes went wide. “And you’re here?”

“I got bored of sitting at home alone.” Florence shrugged. “I wanted to feel like a normal eighteen-year-old for one night, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Daniel sighed.

“Got my virgin mango margarita to keep me entertained.” Florence wiggled her can in her hand to show him.

“I’m trying really hard to shut up but I’m a little tipsy and I literally cannot repress this anymore so I’m sorry if this is weird, I just really love babies; can I touch your belly?”

“Oh…sure.” Florence mumbled, slowly dropping her cardigan that hid her from him.

Daniel met her gaze to make sure it was really okay, and she gave him a quick nod. He reached his one hand out and set it on top ever so gently.

“We might get a kick.” Florence whispered, tapping her finger tips along the curve of her stomach.

Sure enough, Daniel felt a tiny nudge against his palm and his face broke into a beaming smile.

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”

“A girl.” Florence sighed. Daniel glanced at her face when she sighed, her soft smile suddenly disappeared.

“Did you not want a girl?” he asked, taking his hand back.

“No, I did. I’m really happy about that. I just…” Florence waved her hand, “Don’t worry about it.”

Daniel nodded once as he knew to let it go. It wasn’t the right time to pry into her personal life, especially when his mental filter wasn’t working. They sat in silence together, staring out at the bustling party around them.

“Florence DiCaprio?”

Her head snapped up to the boy who was approaching them, the dark curly hair easily recognizable to the girl.

“Hey…Patrick.” Florence mumbled, quickly tugging the cardigan back around her, covering her belly as if it wasn’t even there.

“I didn’t expect to see you at a frat party.” Patrick laughed.

Daniel flicked his eyes between the two, his body still turned towards Florence and he could sense her sudden switch from calm to tense. Her jaw was clenched tightly, wide eyes staring up at the curly haired boy as if waiting for him to attack her.

“Yeah. I’m here with Aidan.” Florence spoke as strongly as she could.

Patrick’s eyes fell on Daniel and he looked him up and down before smiling tightly, “This doesn’t look like Aidan.”  

“Daniel.” The brunette boy offered out his hand.

“Nice to meet you, bro.” Patrick chuckled, taking his handshake. He looked back to Florence, “This your new boyfriend?”

“I don’t think it’s really any of your business what we are or aren’t.” Daniel blurted out. Florence dropped her nervous gaze to her lap.

“Relax, man.” Patrick mumbled. “We went to high school together…I’m just catching up.”

“She clearly doesn’t want to ‘catch up’ if you couldn’t tell.” Daniel narrowed his eyes at him, setting his hand on Florence’s hand that was on her lap.

“Yeah, I know. Things obviously haven’t changed.” Patrick chuckled, shaking his head, before stalking off into the crowd.

“Sorry.” Daniel took his hand back from hers, hesitantly glancing at her in case he crossed a line.

“Thank you.” Florence said at the same time.

“Who is that?” Daniel asked.

“Some idiot who bullied my twin brother in high school.” Florence shrugged, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Thank you for getting him gone.”

“Don’t thank me, thank this warm can of Canadian.” Daniel picked up his beer from the floor again and took another sip, making a face. “Yep…still disgusting.”

Florence laughed lightly, finally relaxing into her new company. She tucked her leg up under her on the couch, so she was facing him too, “So, where did you move here from?”

“The one and only rainy and mountainous Vancouver, British Columbia.”

“Ah. West coast represents.” Florence smiled.

“Did I find the only other west-coaster in this entire party?” Daniel gaped.

“LA born.” Florence shrugged. “Definitely identify as Canadian though. Had to get me the hell out of there as soon as I could.”

“Oh, good. Canadians are superior.” Daniel nodded matter-of-factly.

“Some of them.” Florence rolled her eyes in the direction that Patrick left in.

“He’s clearly not from here.” Daniel assured her playfully.

Florence smiled lightly. He returned it, showing a little gap between his two front teeth that made her drawn to him that much more…his uniqueness.

“Let me think of a question to ask you.” Daniel leaned his head back against the couch and squeezed his eyes closed in thought. A few long seconds passed before he was looking back at her, “What’s your middle name?”

“Guess.” Florence shrugged.

“No, I’m bad at guessing!” Daniel whined dramatically.

“Well I’m not telling you until you get it right.”

“Olivia.”

“No.”

“Rose.”

“No.”

“Marie.”

“Stop guessing basic white girl middle names.” Florence scoffed through a laugh.

“We’re going to be here a while.”

 ~~

“Alright, Florence Margret, one apple juice shot for you and one for me.” Daniel shouted loudly over the music as he shut the fridge and turned back to her. They stood in the kitchen with two filled plastic shot glasses, a good hour of friendly conversation under their belts.

“Thank you, Daniel James.” Florence giggled, clinking the little cup in her hand against his.

They both tossed it back before slamming the plastic empty shots against the granite island.

“Oh, wow, that’s strong.” Daniel choked dramatically, pressing a hand to his mouth and pulled a disgusted face. “I think it’s getting to my head already.” He leaned heavily against the island.

“I doubt the apple juice will have much effect on you. You were already tipsy to start.” Florence teased.

“Am not.” Daniel stuck his tongue out at her.

“You definitely are.” Florence chuckled.

“I’m just…happy.”

“Happy on alcohol.”

“Two beers.” Daniel whined in his defence. “Just two. Don’t bully me.”

“It’s not my problem that you’re a lightweight.”

Daniel gasped, pressing a hand to his chest in mock hurt, “I am no such thing.”

Florence only shrugged, shooting him a teasing smile as she grabbed their disposable shot glasses and tossed them in the garbage bag by the sink.

“Bet you can’t handle alcohol any better.” Daniel scoffed playfully.

“I don’t. How do you think I got pregnant?” Florence smirked.

Daniel’s sharp gasp made her laugh.

“That’s ruthless.” Daniel finally broke into a smile, mirroring hers.

“If you can’t laugh at your bad situations what else do you have?”

“Come on.” Daniel said suddenly as he grabbed her hand. “Let’s go dance or something.”

“Oh,” Florence mumbled, “I don’t…I can’t dance.”

“You think I can?” Daniel snorted, pulling her through the crowd to the living room where the speaker was located, music booming through the room louder than it was in the back of the house.

Of course, no one else was dancing; the university students simply stuck in their small social groups, at most swaying lightly to the music. Some Coldplay song was playing, the bass shaking the walls of the empty room. Daniel went right into it, belting out the lyrics at the top of his lungs, hands thrown out as he jumped around.

“Oh my God.” Florence laughed, pressing her hand to her mouth.

A few other party-goers looked over at the free-living boy and gave him weird looks.

“Come on!” Daniel grabbed both of her hands in his and pulled her to the middle of the room.

“Daniel…I can’t…” Florence mumbled, her cheeks going pink as everyone’s eyes were on them.

“Who cares what they think?” Daniel shouted over the music, starting to spin them in circles as the chorus began, throwing his head back and singing loudly. She couldn’t deny that he was a good singer, even in his drunken state he could hit those high notes perfectly. His smile was infectious, and she laughed along with him, finding herself melting into their present state, twirling herself like a ballerina under his one hand.

Daniel pulled her against him, one hand falling around her back and the other still holding tightly to hers, twirling around the tight living room in some sort of messily waltz through the second verse of the upbeat song. She shrieked giddily as they almost crashed into multiple people, but he kept her steady, not even stepping on her feet once despite his almost ungraceful pace. He caught her as she stumbled out of their waltz, laughing loudly, high on nothing but life and her newfound friendship. They screamed the lyrics of the next chorus together, twirling around the living room breathlessly.

Their moment didn’t last long before Florence felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She stopped her dancing and pulled it out, seeing Michael’s name flashing on the screen.

“Who is it?” Daniel asked with concern.

“Michael.” Florence grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the living room after her to the kitchen and out to the backyard where it was a bit quieter.

“Who’s Michael?” Daniel asked cautiously.

“The family friend I’m staying with.” Florence answered, scanning the area for Aidan. The tall boy stood out easily and Florence answered the call as she made her way over to him, still holding onto Daniel.

“Hey, Mikey.” She answered loud enough to make Aidan look over at her.

“Hey, sunshine. You doing okay?” Michael asked.

“Just fine. I’m having fun.” Florence said quickly.

“That’s good. Is Aidan there?”

“Yeah. One sec.” Florence thrust the phone at Aidan.

He kept his stare on her as he pressed the phone to his ear. “Hey, dad.”

Daniel looked between them, his eyebrows furrowed with slight confusion as to who all of these people were in relation to the girl he had met only a few short hours before.

“Yeah.” Aidan rolled his eyes at whatever his father said on the other line. “She’s good, dad. We’re fine…yes I know: home by 3…we will…okay…yeah…love you too.”

Aidan blushed furiously as he gave Florence her phone back. His two friends didn’t think anything of him telling his father he loves him, simply smiling at Florence as she spoke to Michael again. She had only met his friends once or twice when they came past the house.

When Michael was reassured that everything was under control Florence sighed deeply and pushed her phone back into her pocket.

“I didn’t think he was actually going to call.” Florence said.

“Me neither.” Aidan tisked, taking a long sip from his can. He eyed Daniel. “Who’s this?”

“This is Daniel.” Florence introduced them, suddenly a little shyer than she was when she was dancing in front of everyone at the party.

Like usual, Daniel held out his hand to Aidan who smirked at him and shook his hand.

“Aidan.” He introduced himself before gesturing to the other two guys with him. “These are my friends Jonah and Corbyn.”

They all fell into a small silence.

“Okay well…we’re going to go. You’re boring.” Florence said, linking her arm in Daniel’s who offered the guys a grin.

“You’re one to talk.” Aidan teased.

“See you around, guys.” Florence called over her shoulder as she pulled Daniel away and across the grass.

“You seem to know a lot of people for someone who was sitting alone.” Daniel said.

“They’re all Aidan’s friends.” Florence shrugged.

“And Aidan is…?”

“Family friend.” Florence finished, “Kind of dated my twin brother earlier this year before my family moved back to LA. I stayed back and the Clifford’s gave me their guest room until I get myself on my feet.” Florence sighed, finding a bench at the far edge of the backyard under a large tree and they sat down together.

“And why aren’t you with them?” Daniel asked quietly.

“Got priorities that they wouldn’t understand.” Florence shrugged, pointing to her belly.

“Yeah.” Daniel sighed, keeping his eyes focussed on the busy house across the lawn.

It was almost dark where they sat if it wasn’t for the string of little lights thrown throughout the tree branches above them. The autumn night was chilly and Florence tucked her arms around herself to keep a little warm. Daniel shuffled closer to her and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. Her cheeks flushed pink at the simple action, her head almost against his in their close proximity and the feeling of his hand on her was so foreign.

“I’m glad you’re not in LA.” Daniel mumbled.

Florence looked to him a smiled softly, “Me too.”

He met her gaze, their noses almost touching. She looked to her lap.

“You smell really nice.” he whispered before he could think. He pressed a hand to his face, “Oh my gosh…sorry. That’s weird.”

“It’s fine.” Florence chuckled.

“I think…I’m still a little drunk.” Daniel mumbled, ruffling a hand through his hair.

“I thought you weren’t drunk?” Florence raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, no, I’m not.” he shook his head.

“But you just said you were.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I think you definitely did.” Florence laughed.

“I think you’re hearing things.” Daniel shrugged, looking away from her casually.

“You’re ridiculous.” Florence rolled her eyes playfully, tossing her own arm over his shoulders.

He looked back at her and smiled calmly. His eyes were on hers, his smile fading a little as the seconds passed, the distance between them almost non-existent and his fingers twisted the material of her grey cardigan lazily.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Florence breathed, her heart beating hard in her chest at just how his eyes were on hers.

“I’m too tipsy for this.” Daniel mumbled.

“For what?” Florence asked.

His other hand went to her cheek and he started to lean in to kiss her.

She turned her head away from him, pressing a hand to his chest to keep him away from her, “Yeah. You’re definitely too tipsy to do that.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Daniel stammered. “Shit…fuck…I’m so sorry. I thought…”

He shifted to face forward, the two of them stunned into silence, eyes wide and looking anywhere but at each other.

“I’m so sorry.” Daniel breathed.

“Stop saying that. It’s fine.” Florence ran a hand through her hair.

“Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad.” She chuckled lightly, glancing over at him.

“You’re just…really pretty and really nice and I don’t…I got too excited, I guess?” he shifted nervously on the bench, eyes focussed on the grass below his feet. “It was a mistake so let’s forget that happened. I mean, I’m not saying kissing you would be a mistake because that would be great. I just never kissed anyone before and you’re just…amazing and beautiful and really sweet and…amazing…and like I can see myself marrying you one day, I just…” he hid his red face in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees, “God dammit, Daniel, shut the hell up.”

Florence laughed lightly, not quite knowing what to say to that.

“I’m just going to go.” he stood up, avoiding looking at her at all costs, running his hand through his hair as if he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Sit down.” Florence chuckled, grabbing the hem of his white t-shirt and pulled him back onto the bench.

“I don’t drink.” Daniel mumbled.

“I can tell.” Florence set her hand on his leg.

They sat in silence a moment.

“I don’t even know your birthday.” Florence said. “I’m not going to jump right into something so fast because last time I did that look where it got me.”

Daniel cracked a small smile.

She moved closer to him and set a hand on the side of his face as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“I don’t think you’re getting rid of me after tonight.” Florence whispered.

“Florence!” Aidan called from across the backyard. “We need to go.”

“Coming!” she shouted back. She pushed her cellphone into Daniel’s hands. “I’ll text you, okay?”

He typed his number with shaking hands before handing it back, watching her stand up with wide eyes.

“Sorry I have to leave so soon. Thank you for a fun night.” Florence beamed.

“You too.” Was all he could stammer out as she walked quickly across the lawn to where Aidan was waiting to take her home.

 Daniel was sure he had ruined any and all chances with her once she left the party and he spent the remainder of the night with his best friend, Jack, downing a little too much vodka until he was vomiting behind a tree on their walk back to their dormitory at 5am. He rambled on about being single and lonely for the rest of his life as Jack had to nearly carry him home.

“It’s only you to fall for a pregnant girl, Dan.” Jack groaned, needing to almost pull him up the stone stairs of the old building.

“She’s all alone in the world.” Daniel blubbered, clinging onto him.

“I’m sure she’s just fine.” Jack said.

“Not anymore! Not after I ruined it!” Daniel wailed, his voice echoing down the hallway.

“Shh! It’s 5 fucking am, Daniel. Jesus Christ.” Jack scolded him as he swiped their key-card at their room door and pushed him inside.

“She’s not going to text me.” Daniel grumbled, kicking off his white Vans and haphazardly shimmying out of his jeans, his eyes already starting to close.

“You don’t know that. She probably fell asleep when she got home and will send you something later.” Jack said, keeping his hands on either side of his best friend as he climbed shakily up the ladder to his twin size loft bed.

“I’m going to die alone. No one loves me.” Daniel whimpered, pulling his blankets over himself as he laid down.

“I love you, bro.” Jack sighed, stepping up on top of the desk to make sure his friend was safely tucked. “Even when you ruin the entire night by throwing up everywhere.”

“I don’t drink.” Daniel mumbled sleepily, his lips set in a pout and his eyes already closed.

“Yeah. I know. I’m not taking you out ever again.” Jack rolled his eyes, starting to get himself ready for bed.

Sure enough, when Daniel woke up around mid-afternoon, he had a text waiting for him from an unknown number. He squinted at his screen through a pounding headache to read it.

Good morning, Daniel James. Hope your hangover isn’t too bad this morning :) Let me know when you want to go get something to eat and I’ll bring the Advil

He woke up Jack with his way-too high-pitched excited scream and got a pillow whipped at him from across the room.

[hollyhomburg]

So this the body dysmorphia ask thing pt 1. I have a chronic illness I take medicine that supposed to help inflammation but the side effects is weight gain. I also take a medicine to help suppress my immune system bc it over works itself, but it makes me super fatigue. I have always been overweight & it's hard to lose weight when your sick. Anyway, I want to be a health weight for my age & stuff, but Ik that I over do it.

Body dysmorphia ask thing pt 2 The other day I saw a kpop photo teaser pic of a girl with super skinny arms like you could see her bones. And I was in shock bc that too skinny. And it weird bc I wanted to be skinny as a female kpop idol. But now I don't. I haven't been working out as much bc I'm recovering for a total hip replacement.

Body dysmorphia ask thing pt 3 During this time I realized that WOW, I was using the wrong thing as a role model. I realized now that i don't want to be skinny, I want to be a healthy weight. Like I'm starting to like my curves. 💕 (I just realized that I sent the asks as public, excuse me while I screamed into the void bc I'm low-key embrassed/shy idk🙃)

Yeah like I totally feel you like too much do we see the modicum of skinny = healthy which is 1000% not the case! Especially for people with chronic illness! When people complain about weight being unhealthy I always think of me in my junior year of college- my brothers ex girlfriend would fain when the stood up and had such a weak heart her doctor told her she’d have a heart attack by 40 if she didn’t start increasing her muscle mass- she was >110lbs and 5’4” meanwhile I was technically overweight but could easily lift my 160 pound brother and run for 30 minutes without stopping. There is a lot of work that goes into makeing your body work well and be healthy and it’s not all weight gain and weight loss.

I get like unreasonably angry at all of the enohasis on skinnyness in our society and Kpop because the truth is I used to be that strong but I’m not anymore because an eating disorder hit me hard and now I have no muscle mass. And ngl- most of that like you was from unhealthy beauty standards preached... not to @ but I legit followed the I.U diet for 2 weeks at the height of my worst time.

I’m gonna say one thing about idols and weight- if idols who speed, smoke, or drink are criticized for being bad roll models- the idols who uphold unhealthy and downright dangerous standards of beauty should be heald accountable as well! They have massive audiences of impressionable people and it’s neglagince to put that as an ideal.

And also- I don’t want anyone coming at me like “it’s natural for people in Korea because they’re just skinnier” no. That’s false. I’ve lived in Korea and lemme tell you there are just as many average and normal sized people walking around as there are in the us, and even curvy fat women! Women my size!! The stereotypes you see in Kpop are a product of the industry and not a product of the society or their genetics/diet!!!

I’m sorry that you’re going through a rough time with your body, and remember that your body is a good body and that one day it’s gonna be able to get you where you need to go (I’ve been doing a lot of research on body neutrality recently but I’ll also say that like- curves are awesome! And so are muscles!!!

I believe you can get as strong as you want to be if you believe in yourself! But make sure not to stress your body out too much and take rest days (I went too many days in a row working on the olyptical and totally fucked my nerves for a little while and had to stop working out for a few days so please please please take rest days more often then you think you need too)

💜 being healthy is more important than living up to an unrealistic ideal and I hope you find a way to get strong while copeing with your recovery and CI 💜 you’re worth every bit of love 💜

[misssophiachase]

For Klaroline Valentine’s Bingo - Speed Dating - After a crazy bet ten years earlier, Klaus and Caroline find themselves speed dating together. 

Secret Love Song

Klaus

He’d almost left about five times. After all, there was nothing worse than sitting by yourself in a room full of people.  

It was crazy, right? He’d told himself that so many times but yet here he was looking like a creepy desperado trying to pick up younger women in a college bar.

The Heights Harvard to be exact. The same bar he’d frequented while at law school. It had been about nine years since he’d last visited but the place still looked exactly how he remembered it. 

Klaus was currently a successful attorney in New York City, a partner at one of the top law firms. A feat unheard of for his age. His career accolades had buoyed him considerably but the continuous one night stands and the revolving door of women had left him somewhat empty. 

Just like she’d told him all those years ago in this very bar. 

He wanted to prove her wrong and not bother showing up but Klaus also knew that deep down he had an ulterior motive.  And that in itself scared the hell out of him.    

He tore at his beer label anxiously wondering if this was possibly the stupidest thing he’d ever done. Probably so if the violent swirling in his stomach was anything to go by. 

Klaus Mikaelson didn’t do nervous. 

Until right now. 

10 years earlier 

“Speed dating on Valentine’s Day, really?” Klaus wasn’t a fan of the Hallmark Holiday as it was but witnessing the room full of singles play musical chairs in the hopes of trying to find love was too much to stomach.

“If they want to speed date what business is it of yours, Mikaelson?” He knew that melodic but annoying voice without having to turn his head. 

“Who invited you, Forbes?” 

“It’s a free bar,” she shot back and Klaus could tell she was rolling those expressive but annoying blue orbs in his direction. “And it’s not my fault if my best friend, who happens to be your sister, and her boyfriend, who happens to be your best friend, invited me.”

“Lucky me,” he growled, his arm reaching for his date and pulling her towards him possessively almost as a shield against her usual animosity. “How about a drink, Chloe?”  

“My name is Amanda,” she scowled, her dark hair whipping around fiercely and grazing his cheek in the process. 

“Of course it is,” he mumbled, trying to come up with an excuse as to why he’d confused his current date with the one he’d had two days earlier. Or was it the girl from a week ago?

“I’d probably have a better chance of meeting a nice guy speed dating,” she hissed, standing up and stalking away. 

“What did you do this time, Nikalus?” Rebekah inquired, arching her left eyebrow curiously. 

“Just the usual,” Caroline chirped, obviously enjoying his frustration. “You really should come with a warning.” 

“There’s that cute banter we all love, it’s like we never left you twenty-four hours ago doing exactly the same thing,” Enzo offered, taking a seat beside Rebekah. 

“Oh please,” Klaus groaned. “Nothing stick-up-her-ass Forbes and I do is cute.”

“Yes, that would be rather difficult with man-whore Mikaelson here.” 

“It’s not cute, Lorenzo,” Rebekah agreed. “It’s outright nauseous.” 

“Here I was enjoying a date on my own and then the peanut gallery had to arrive and ruin it.”

“I think you were doing that all on your own, Niklaus,” Caroline mimicked. Klaus winced knowing she only did that to annoy him and it was working. “Why don’t you try your hand at some speed dating, it looks like it’s about to start.”

“Now that I would pay to see,” Rebekah chuckled. “Can we please get some popcorn to go with the show?” 

“Surely two minutes of Niklaus Mikaleson is enough to scare those poor, hopeful girls away.” Enzo teased, helping himself to the bowl of chips Klaus had paid for. He pulled them forcefully away from Enzo’s greedy grasp.  

“You three are bloody hilarious.” Klaus Mikaelson didn’t do relationships, let alone speed dating to eventuate in possibly being imprisoned in one. “I will never speed date as long as I live and that’s a promise. I’m not that desperate.”

“Maybe not now, but what about ten years down the track when you’re no longer mobbed by giggling, immature sycophants who don’t know any better?”

“I’ll be doing just fine, Forbes. Have you seen this face? Anyway, we can’t all be bitter shrews who haven’t been laid in forever.”

“Well, when the pool consists of asshats like you, Mikaelson, I’d take celibacy any day. In ten years' time, when I’m happily married this memory will be a blip on my college radar and you’ll still be sleeping with randoms pretending everything is fine and you’re not at all empty inside.”

“Oh really?” He asked, trying to ignore just how annoying but adorable she looked when she was being judgmental. 

“Really.”

“Fine, prove it,” he shot back, the confusion on her face evident. “We meet up here in ten years if life hasn’t turned out as perfectly as you seem to think it has.”

“For what exactly?” Klaus didn’t respond immediately, just gestured to the couples over the other side of the room.

“We speed date.”

“That’s crazy,” she replied, shaking her head in disbelief. “You’re crazy.” 

“Yeah, even I think you’ve gone a little cuckoo, Niklaus,” Enzo shared.

“Scared?”

“What are we? Ten years old?” She scowled, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly.  

“If you believe the future is going to be as rosy as you say then surely there’s nothing to be afraid of? After all, it is just a little speed dating with yours truly.” 

“Fine,” she conceded, reluctantly taking the hand he offered. Klaus didn’t miss the bolt of electricity he felt and judging by her reaction she hadn’t either. 

Present Day - Caroline 

“I’m not going in, this is nuts,” Caroline said into the phone, noticing her sentence end with barely a squeak. 

“You made this bet, Caroline,” she insisted. “The least you could do is go through with it.”

Caroline rolled her eyes wondering why she thought calling Rebekah was a great idea. She was his sister after all.

Klaus had actually made the bet but yet here she was readying herself for that sexy but annoying smirk when she walked through the door. Her mind traveled back to ten years earlier wondering why she thought putting herself through this humiliation was such a great idea. 

No, she knew exactly why.

Life hadn’t turned out at all like she’d planned.

She assumed Klaus would show, he was still a prolific womanizer by all reports and he had nothing to lose from showing up. Caroline knew the only reason he would be there was to torment her mercilessly because her unrealistic visions of a husband, two kids, a Golden Retriever, and a white picket fence had failed to materialize. 

She’d cry if it wasn’t so pathetic.

Caroline knew she was a workaholic; it was the reason she was currently a well-respected news anchor in London. After interning at the Boston Globe after college, Caroline had taken an assignment as an international correspondent covering anything from war zones to royal weddings.

Her recent promotion to news anchor of the most highly rated breakfast program in the United Kingdom was the result of hard work and long hours. The combination making it practically impossible for a personal life.

Even though every fiber in her being was telling Caroline not to meet him, there was an underlying niggling that had pushed her halfway across the world.

“I should have never come,” she murmured, forgetting that she was talking to her best friend. “You know he’ll never let me live this down.”

“You needed to find out, Care,” Rebekah replied honestly.

“That’s easy for you to say,” she grumbled.

Her best friend had a perfect life, down to the four-legged canine (just replace the Golden Retriever with a Cavoodle named Sonny). Not that she begrudged Rebekah and Enzo for being the best married couple she knew, she just associated their nuptials three years earlier with the scene of a very messy crime.

“You do realize that the best day of my life was supposed to be about me right? Not you and my idiotic brother? I’m seven months pregnant, Care, and the way I see it you have two choices. You sort this mess out now so as not to overshadow the arrival of my firstborn or you risk ruining another life-altering moment with your indecision.”

“Wow, you really have that guilt thing down. I pity your future children.”

“Thank you but stop changing the subject.” Before Caroline could deflect like she usually would, her phone beeped signaling an incoming message.

“Oh, I have a message, gotta go BFF,” she replied chirpily before disconnecting. She was expecting a lead on her latest story so assumed that would be it.

You realize I can see you pacing outside, right Forbes?

Caroline closed her eyes momentarily, although she didn’t recognize the number she knew it was him. After the wedding, Caroline had changed her number thinking it was for the best. She certainly didn’t want to rehash events again or risk repeating them.

How did you get this number?

Why don’t you just come inside and I’ll tell you ; )

You are insufferable, Mikaelson. And since when do you use emojis?

Speed dating is about to start, wouldn’t want you to miss out.

I hate you.

Oh, there’s that unapologetic venom I’ve missed. A bet’s a bet, love.

Ten minutes later...

“Feeling a little less hostile now, sweetheart?” He asked, those annoying but disarming dimples making an unwanted appearance.

“Hostility and you go hand-in-hand, Mikaelson, I thought you’d know that by now,” she shot back. “Two tequila slammers are not nearly enough to numb the hostility.”

“Well, I couldn’t have you too drunk for speed dating, I mean what if you meet the one and you’re too inebriated to notice?”

“You can’t be serious? We are not speed dating.”

“I’m deathly serious, I even registered us before you arrived.”

“There’s that smug arrogance I haven’t missed. How did you know I’d even show up?”

“Besides you pacing outside the bar for fifteen minutes?” He asked, cocking his left eyebrow teasingly. “I assumed had you met the guy to go with the picket fence scenario I would have at least scored an invite to the wedding. I mean we certainly have a good track record when it comes to those sorts of events.”

“Unbelievable,” she scoffed. “I really shouldn’t be surprised that you are exactly the same immature guy from all those years ago.”  

“And you are still the same judgmental girl, it’s like we’ve been transported back in time.”

“Um, excuse me? Speed dating is about to start,” a nervous-looking guy approached them.

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Caroline smiled, feeling suddenly invigorated. “I can’t wait to find a guy who is loving, kind and obedient.”

“It’s not ‘find your pet dog’ speed dating, Forbes,” Klaus growled. “Although it doesn’t surprise me that you’d like someone who’ll quietly put up with your constant attitude.”

“Says the guy who’d prefer a woman not to talk at all, wouldn’t want it to interfere with all of the meaningless sex, right?”

They were both looking at the organizer now for some sort of response. He chose that moment to scurry far away from their argument obviously hoping that they wouldn’t follow.

Ten minutes later…

“So, Chip, you like exercising?” Caroline was seated at the corner table trying to ignore Klaus making eyes at his current speed date.

“It’s, Chad,” he offered, his gaze following her distracted one. “And yes, I suppose being a personal trainer means that I enjoy exercising.”

“You don’t say, what a coincidence,” she smiled, trying to regain her composure. Klaus Mikaelson always had the annoying way of distracting her.

“I told you that when I sat down,” he reiterated. The bell sounded and he stood up, Caroline couldn’t miss the relief cross his face. Well, she didn’t like him much anyway, too many obvious muscles.

“I’m Chelsea.”

“Of course you are,” Klaus replied, trying to work out whether Caroline liked the guy with all the muscles she was currently paired with across the room. Why did he need to wear such a tight shirt anyway?

“But you called me Caroline,” she insisted. Klaus couldn’t help it. Sure she was pretty enough but he really wished it was Caroline sitting across from him, even if she was annoying.

Ten minutes later…

“I love dogs too,” Caroline cooed. “It’s great to find someone who likes the same things.”

“Because he’s the only guy in the world who likes dogs,” Klaus joked sarcastically. They were now seated at adjacent tables, only two minutes away from their very own speed date.

To say they’d both been distracted would be an understatement and everyone in the room had noticed. “Would you please mind your own business? Scott and I are trying to have an adult conversation, something you would know nothing about.”

“Excuse me? I have no interest whatsoever in your boring conversation. Hannah and I were talking about our shared love of parasailing.”

“You realize he’s scared of heights, right Hannah?” Caroline shared. “I wouldn’t want you to get your hopes up about someone who’s obviously a compulsive liar.”

“Says the woman who lives in a dream world? Scott, don’t be fooled. You might both love dogs but she wants a Golden Retriever called Brinkley after the dog in You’ve Got Mail, that’s non-negotiable. Do you really want someone making decisions from bad movies for you?”

“It seems like you two know a lot about each other,” Hannah offered. “Maybe it’s time we switched, Scott?” He nodded in agreement and before they knew it, Klaus and Caroline were seated together.

“Way to ruin my speed date, Mikaelson,” she muttered, not bothering to look at him.

“You were doing that all on your own.”

“What are we doing here?” She huffed, finally raising her eyes to meet his. “We are both successful professionals who don’t need to speed date, especially at a college bar with people ten years younger.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, you were right,” he said, his fingers tapping nervously on the table. 

“Of course I’m right, we are too old for this,” she muttered. “I think the tequila has well and truly worn off.”

“No, I meant you were right ten years ago.” Caroline raised her eyebrows curiously, not expecting him to be so candid. Klaus Mikaelson didn’t do honesty easily. “I do feel empty.”

“I probably shouldn’t have said that,” she conceded. “I always have this way of speaking before I think.”

“You don’t say?” Klaus teased. “I don’t think I realized I actually felt that way until three years ago.”

“If you’re messing with me...”

“You and I both know that I don’t do vulnerable, Forbes. But yes, you annoy me a lot but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about you, about what happened between us.”

“Way to flatter me, Mikaelson,” she chuckled, despite the relative seriousness of the subject matter. “Sorry, I joke when I’m nervous.”

“Why are you here really?” He implored, those blue eyes boring into hers earnestly, surprising her. 

“Okay everyone, switch partners.” Caroline had barely noticed the bell let alone the fact an over-eager redhead was edging her way towards Klaus. 

“He’s taken,” she said, not meaning to sound quite so possessive.  

“Easy tiger,” he smiled seductively in her direction. “Best you keep moving darling, she can’t be held responsible for her actions.”

“You’re an ass,” she scoffed, once the redhead had moved for her own safety. “But as you so eloquently put it earlier, I don’t have the life I so naively envisaged all those years ago in this very bar.”

“And apparently I have the life you predicted for me,” he murmured, placing his hand over hers. “I meant what I said and I’m not here to say I told you so and I’m definitely not here to speed date,” Klaus said, warning away Caroline’s next speed date with his eyes. 

“So, why are you here exactly?”

“Because I love you, Caroline Forbes, so much sometimes it hurts,” he admitted, a slight blush crossing his cheeks. “I think I probably always have.”

“Well,” she grinned. “You’re lucky I happen to love you too but the golden retriever is non-negotiable, Mikaelson. So is making you watch You’ve Got Mail until you love it as much as me.”

“I’m willing to put up with Tom Hanks on repeat if it makes you happy, love,” he joked, placing a kiss on her hand. “But don’t think I won’t make you do things too.”

“How about we get out of here and you tell me exactly what you want me to do to you,” she purred, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek before dragging him from the bar. 

When Caroline and Klaus announced their engagement three short months later, Enzo and Rebekah promised their speed date would get a mention in the wedding speeches. 

They didn’t mind given it was how they finally got together and lived happily ever after with their two kids and a golden retriever named Brinkley. 

[kaffeinic]

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

~

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

[callmcgills]

werner ziegler 😭

! major BCS spoilers from this point on !

Werner (send me a character and I’ll list…)

thank you for giving me an excuse to dump my emotions! THAT SAID:

*sits on the sidewalk* *screams into my hands*

favorite thing about them

a huge part of me liking him is his duality between professionalism and goofiness. (“for my father, it was his achievement. a creation that will endure,” and “very good! now you use your thinking head, not your drinking head!” are lines from the same episode) i also liked how he was an architectural genius, but was downright incapable of thinking ahead when his smarts were applied to any other situation. but most importantly, i like him because he had so much heart that he was KILLED OVER IT!!! the crimes he was killed over were being friendly/proud of his work, escaping the warehouse because he’s tired and wants to be with someone he loved, and trusting someone to be honest!!!!!!! Rainer Bock also gave a great portrayal which definitely helped too

also, relevant: i went from liking Werner to being absolutely invested after he had a panic attack in Wiedersehen, and then it hard cut to him walking back into the room with a smile.

least favorite thing about them

to this day i still have to watch the pool-side scene in Winner while peaking through my fingers. partly because Werner WHY did you have to BLAB AGAIN! but mostly because, well… i’m glad Werner didn’t have to die in those clothes. i also can’t let it go unstated that Werner most likely did know he was working on something w/ criminal ties. but w/ the way Werner acted, he CLEARLY must have thought that Gus and Mike were just storing illegal fireworks or something

favorite line

“Ah, not true. He also left you, Michael. You are his legacy.” Werner doesn’t think Mike needs a grand accomplishment to be worthy of being called a legacy. he could have just said “oh, that’s a shame” about Mike’s previous line, but instead he tells Mike that he’s good enough just for existing. and that’s incredibly meaningful and sweet. (but Mike laughs, because he’s a murderer. his son’s death is on his hands. some legacy he is! and if Werner knew, he wouldn’t be saying that. then, har har har, Werner is killed by him.)

close runner up: “Now say Mittagsschläfchen,” and literally every other line in that scene. for example: “How do you say bullshit?” “Hmm, bullshit.” his dialogue with Mike was gold.

brOTP

Werner and the construction crew. They Are His Sons. the reason Werner said ‘once, maybe’ about if he wanted to have kids was because living w/ someone like Kai for 9 months was enough

if that’s too obvious an answer… Gale and Werner. “wow. i mean, it’s incredible. […] an architectural feat. herculean.” RETCON WERNER’S DEATH SO THEY CAN DRINK COFFEE TOGETHER!!!

OTP

throwback to when i said ‘wehrmantraut endgame’ to myself during Coushatta. those were simpler times.

nOTP

Werner/Kai. a very hard nOTP at that. i haven’t seen anyone ship it, but the Mere Concept is enough to squick me out. and if i’m being frank, Werner/any of the six people in his team. i can’t see Werner’s relationship w/ them as anything other than familial.

random headcanon

i’ve put a lot of thought into this, because i’m working on (more like… planning but avoiding actually writing) a construction crew-centric fic. and since i only have 1 piece of backstory info and a piece of lint to go off of for Werner, i realized i had to fill in some of the blanks! here’s a piece of what i came up with!

i think his father’s work would’ve left a negative impact on Werner. if Werner’s in his 50s, then when he was a kid his father was working on what would be The Most Important Project Of His Life, and he wasn’t able to interact w/ his family often. this would put Werner in an uncomfortable position – being upset about his father being so busy would mean he was being “ungrateful.” his father was sacrificing so much and working so hard, after all!! his attire and work methods might reflect that he’s almost replicating his father in a way. he’s almost deliberately old fashioned, even for someone his age. contrast w/ the French engineer, or even Mike, who is more adaptable to the point he notices dead pixels and what was used to create them

it can’t be good for anyone to have a parent who is constantly busy w/ their “achievement” during some of the most important years of your development. and imagine at least one of your parents being more of a legend than a family member! you’d internalize unrealistic expectations of yourself and flat out wrong ideas of what’s good enough, and you’d look at every moment in your life using that parent’s experiences as a frame of reference. you’re constantly comparing your experiences. not in a “am i as good as them?” kind of way, but in a “in terms of work, i don’t have it NEARLY as hard as they did, so i must be grateful for [X]” way. you also can’t complain about anything that’s given to you, because at least you didn’t have to aid in revolutionizing architecture and construct a new type of concrete arch

while Werner clearly said “you are his legacy” as a way to make Mike look at things more optimistically (and because he really meant it) you have to wonder what him choosing that word says about how he thinks of himself. if you are your parent’s legacy – working in their occupation, even – does that mean just the fact that you exist is good enough, or does that mean you can’t let your existence as a legacy go to waste? of course, when he said it to Mike he meant the former, but that’s not necessarily how the child of someone like his father applies that message to himself.

unpopular opinion

i’ve noticed a lot of people saying that Werner was “stupid for not realizing the severity of his situation” and thinking he’d be able to go back to work after escaping. in my opinion, Mike screwed up by not clearly defining the rules to him. his death was unfair, but even more so because he was punished for breaking the rules to a game he didn’t know he was playing. Gus is playing 4D Chess, and Werner was playing Jenga at a completely different table.

as far as Werner knew, all that mattered was that the work got done and that it got done in secrecy. after all, i don’t imagine any of his other employers would have killed him for what was just a day off. it doesn’t matter how much Werner knew about his job, your instinct isn’t to believe you are going to be murdered for leaving your workplace. not when every single job you’ve had hasn’t worked that way. and that’s where the communication problems spring from, almost every other job Mike has had did work that way, so to Mike the implications were clear and he didn’t need to clarify what “think about who you’re working for” meant.

Werner lacked the context: that Gus was playing a long con that ran deeper than just what they’re building. while Werner believed what they were building was the most important part – and thus no harm no foul in leaving for a few days because the work was going to get done – it was really the revenge and end game that mattered, which meant everyone was replaceable and expendable. especially when they blab to a Salamanca. so it’s about more than whether he knew the people he worked for were dangerous, it’s about the fact he was wrong about what the priorities were.

song i associate with them

Miles, by Mother Mother. a post-Wiedersehen song

“Miles / and miles / and miles / Before we reach the sand / Cacti / and cacti /  for miles / miles of dry land, dry land / We gonna make it / Oooh we gonna make it / We gonna take it / Oooh we gonna take it / Easy / Once we feel the sea breezeMy my my my my my my lover / My maker / My breaker / Take me by the hand / We could go walking for miles / Once we reach the sand / the sand”

favorite picture of them 

A Very Tender Photo Taken One Episode Before Disaster

bonus: an excerpt from an IM w/ kiraalexander, after they filled me in on what Werner did during the finale

[takaraphoenix]

Let’s Talk About Shark Tale

I’ve been doing a bit of a spring-cleaning on animated movies, to see which ones of the more recent releases I haven’t seen yet and when doing so, I noticed this old thing. DreamWorks. 2004. Haven’t seen it since its release back in the day. Genuinely did not remember it. And I remember the plot of every animated movie I’ve ever seen, which is a total of about 300 by now. So it was a bit... confusing for me, to see this movie that I don’t seem to remember at all.

Which means I rewatched it.

For fuck’s sake, this movie did not age well. I mean, it was obviously not good the first time around, or otherwise I’d remember it, but good gods, this has not aged well at all.

Also, seeing it in English... explains a lot. I think many of the things they were doing just completely went over 13-year-old Phoe’s head back in the day, because dubbed and also me generally not caring too much about American culture.

But. Wow. Those are some seriously heavy stereotypes and it is... very cringeworthy for the most part. Like. All the parts.

How does the sushi-chef fish look Japanese. It’s a fish. (Not to mention the whole... cannibalism.)

And damn does Will Smith play Oscar very... black. Not exactly in a good way, but in a parodic way. Like. The way white people in the 90s would have made the black guy look. But... how did this happen, Will?

And then there’s the Jamaican jellyfishes and I’m not even going to... *shakes head*

And of course were the evil bad sharks Italian and Really Very Mafia. Of course.

It doubles down hard on stereotypes in a very... disturbing to watch way.

And then there’s the sexualization of fishes.

Not just the part where all the boy fishes have boy-colors and all the girl fishes have girl colors, but the part where Lola has essentially boobs, Angelina Jolie lips and... hair. The way her ““fin”” looks is mighty impractical and unrealistic and dumb. Because the fishes don’t need hair. Really not.

And the humor.

The humor is so bad.

You... You have Jack Black and Will Smith in your movie and yet somehow you managed to double down on cringeworthy with not just the racial stereotyping of fish, but also the humor...? Really? How is that even possible...?

Its “witty” one-liners that often fall flat. Or are over the top.

Potty humor. Of course. A shark farting and making an orca faint with the smell. Ha... ha.. ha.

The death scene? Seriously? Lenny’s brother is dying and you use it as comic relief? That is just so misplaced. It wasn’t a fake-out where he survived in the end, he actually died and you tried to make it into a comic-relief moment...

And the funeral. You... You had a corpse floating up and away from the funeral. Because it’s under sea, get it, haha... ha...

And then there was that domestic abuse joke! When Lola literally beats the crap out of Oscar in public and the fishes seeing it start laughing because “Young love!”.

There’s kind of a gay joke too. The shark who “isn’t like other sharks” and has a “big coming out” about being vegetarian and dresses as a dolphin - you know, because all dolphins are gay sharks *wink wink* - and it’s kind of weird.

The racial meta joke. When the Will Smith character is trying to get a proper bro-fist from his boss and then comments that “many white fish can’t do it”. That doesn’t even work. If the other fish were white - you know, the actual color white, because fishes come in various colors - then you could have had a semi-clever meta-joke, because get it, he’s white, but his voice-actor is also white. Instead, he does it with a brownish-beige fish and... it makes no sense in the universe.

I mean, I generally don’t get why fish-movies are A Thing, because fishes are... not... interesting or cute. I’m guessing it’s because it’s fun to animate the underwater world, or something, but good lords, fish movies are the worst.

And if that fish-movie is trying very forcibly to mirror human society, that’s... sort of doomed to fail.

Especially if it’s not even trying to make sense of the world its building. Somehow... microphones work under the sea? They have lava lamps and electric bill-boards? How?

I like when a sub-society of animals is being clever. If they build human-esque societies with the things that actually exist in their own surroundings. This just... took human things and slapped fish things on them. The Walk of Fame with star-fishes and fish-puns on the stars. Coral Cola. Never mind how the fishes even drink anything, because another joke in the movie is that the tea just washes away when the octopus is trying to pour it.

And... the main love-story. It’s the kind of love-story I might just hate the most. Even more than the stereotypical “childhood friends to lovers”. Then again, this movie DOES use the “one party is super pining for the other who is Totally Oblivious To It and urgh isn’t being Friendzoned THE worst, am I right, fellas?”-trope and couples it with the worst part of “childhood friends to lovers”, namely the “they haven’t said a word about their feelings ever but now that the party they’re pining after has A Love Interest, now they can angrily declare their love like somehow it’s the other party’s fault for not reading minds??”. No. The trope I actually hate even more than that is when the Good Kind Character is paired up with the womanizer badboy who is an egoistic asshat, but the asshat realizes that He Can Change in the end and they Live Happily Ever After. I absolute loathe that because the Good Kind Character deserves better and people don’t just make a 180° over night.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing about this movie has aged well.

Not the pop-culture referrences that were kind of outdated back when the movie came out.

Not the over-the-top racial stereotyping of fish.

Not the sexualization of fishes to make sure the viewer knows that This Is A Girl Fish.

Not the bad humor.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing and I now know why my brain opted to just delete the experience of having watched this movie. I hope it does that again.

[chasholidays]

MINTY and something with them reuniting after being apart a long time super fluffy pls

Like, he assumes, most people, Nate has a past that’s full of people he loved and lost track of, and the first one he can really remember is Monty Green.

When he thinks about it, he wants to second-guess the word love, because he was a kid. They were best friends when Nate was in first grade and Monty was in kindergarten, and Nate adored him. Monty was bright and mischievous and fun, a born troublemaker with an angelic smile that let him get away with anything. Nate loved him, but it’s easy to think that it wasn’t real love, something like that. In Nate’s opinion, you can’t really love someone until you know what it means, until you know what you’re saying. And back then, all he’d known was that Monty was his favorite person, and he never wanted him to leave. He told his dad they were going to get married, and his dad smiled and said he hoped he did.

(It would be years before he remembered that, and when he did, he loved his father so fiercely it hurt, for a minute.)

Instead, Monty’s mother got a new job, and they moved to California. He and Nate hugged each other goodbye, and Nate cried about it, but that had been it. He’d made new friends, found new crushes, and while he filed away “passionate friendship for other boy at age six” as part of his journey into queerness, he mostly thinks of Monty Green as just one more person he cared for who’s gone now, like his high school boyfriend and his college roommate. If he saw them again, he’d say hi, be happy, and when they friend him on Facebook, he accepts and is happy to see updates about their lives. But they’re never going to be close again, not like they were.

Of course, he’s not even Facebook friends with Monty, so it matters even less with him. Nate is sure he’s never going to see him again.

So sure that when he does see him, he figures he must be wrong.

He and Bellamy are at Bellamy’s favorite coffee shop, definitely not stalking the cute artist who comes in at roughly the same time they do on Saturdays. Per Bellamy, it’s not stalking because they were already coming in at this time before this, and just because they decided to make it a set thing instead of a loose engagement, it’s not stalking. It’s just making plans to be somewhere when someone else might be there too.

It’s also not stalking because Shut up, Miller, which is a worse argument.

Today, when they walk into the coffee shop, the artist is at her usual table, but she’s not alone, and Bellamy’s shoulders slump a little. Nate gets that it’s not a real thing for him, but it’s one of those fun fantasies. She’s always drawing cool stuff, and she’s pretty. Even if Bellamy knew nothing was ever going to happen, it’s nice to have a person to think about. And now that person is apparently not single.

The guy is facing Bellamy’s artist, which means that they’re just seeing the back of his head when they come in, but their usual table is behind the artist, because Bellamy is more interested in peering over her shoulder at her sketchpad than he is at looking at her expression. So once Nate’s got his coffee and has settled in across from Bellamy, he sees the guy full on.

The first thing he notices is that he’s hot. He’s working on a laptop, so he’s looking down, but Nate can still see his jawline and the slight curve of his smile. He and the artist are talking, quietly enough Nate can’t really hear them, but the guy laughs sometimes, and that’s what he realizes that the other thing he’s feeling is familiarity. It doesn’t take long to realize the guy reminds him of Monty, and he finds himself navigating to Facebook, looking to see if he can find any old pictures of them with half his attention as he keeps stealing glances back at the table.

Bellamy kicks him. “Dude.”

“What?”

“It’s not a big deal, you can stop looking at him.”

“He looks familiar. I think he’s–”

The guy looks up and their eyes meet, and his face breaks out in this huge grin. He closes the laptop and comes over, the artist turning to watch him, and Bellamy looks like he wants to die. It would probably be funny, if he had enough brainpower to focus on Bellamy.

“Nate, right?” asks the guy. Monty, rather. Definitely Monty. “Nate Miller? It’s totally Nate.”

“Monty?”

Impossibly, Monty’s grin broadens. “Holy shit!” He takes Nate’s hand and tugs him up, and suddenly he’s getting hugged, before he’s even quite caught up. He doesn’t get hugged much, but Monty is very solid, smells like coffee and sweat, is an amazing hugger.

“I think I missed something,” Nate hears, vaguely, and when Monty pulls back, he realizes the artist has come over. The small part of him that’s aware of things that aren’t Monty registers that she’s standing next to Bellamy, so Bellamy totally owes him.

“This is Nate!” Monty says, grinning at her. “He was my best friend forever in kindergarten.”

“I think if he was just your best friend in kindergarten, it doesn’t really count as forever,” she teases.

Monty waves his hand. “Details. Seriously, I can’t believe it!” he says, turning his attention back to Nate. “What are the odds?”

Nate’s feeling pretty disbelieving himself. “No idea. Good to see you, man,” he adds, and feels like the biggest tool of all time.

But Monty is still smiling. “Yeah. Good to see you too.”

*

It turns out the artist’s name is Clarke, and she and Monty went to college together. Monty recently got a job with Ark, Nate’s favorite indie game developer, so he’s new in town and looking for a social life.

Which means that Bellamy owes him for the rest of their lives and then some, because Monty wants Nate to be involved in that.

“Best friends are forever, right?” he asks, as he puts his number into Nate’s phone.

“I thought you said Jasper was your best friend,” says Clarke, sounding dubious. She and Bellamy are giving them a little space to talk, but not a ton. Clarke seems kind of protective.

“You can have several BFFs. It’s like you’ve never watched My Little Pony.”

“I was watching My Little Pony before you were born.”

“So you should know all about friends. You like drinking, right?” he adds, to Nate.

“As much as the next functioning alcoholic, yeah.”

“Awesome.” He hands the phone back. “Friday?”

“This Friday?”

“I like to really jump into my drinking right away. You know, find a regular place, get a reputation as a lovable drunkard. That’s how TV tells me it’s supposed to work, right? Twenty-somethings have a bar where they hang out and drink unrealistic amounts.”

“We actually already have a bar,” Nate admits, glancing back at Bellamy for approval.

“Yeah, my ex-girlfriend is a bartender,” he says. “So she gives us discounts.”

“Your ex gives you discounts on drinks?” Clarke asks, sounding surprised. “Really?”

“What’s so weird about that?”

“I think most of my exes would charge me extra.”

“Bellamy’s got a superpower for staying friends with his exes,” says Nate.

“You should know. Bisexual,” he adds, at Clarke’s cock of her head. He jerks his chin at Nate. “Gay.”

He is kind of a great wingman, honestly; Nate should get him something nice.

“Wow, queer party,” says Monty. “We really do always find each other, huh?”

“We’re both bi,” Clarke clarifies. “What’s the bar you like?”

Nate’s kind of absently stressed about the whole thing for about twenty-four hours, until Monty texts a picture of a small, gray kitten, with the caption: Other important parts of being a twenty-something: new cat!

And then suddenly, they’re talking. It’s not quite as easy as it was in first grade, but that is what it reminds him of, someone looking at him, liking him, and just deciding they’re going to be friends. It shouldn’t work, really, not given how long it’s been since they talked, but by some miracle, they still like all the same things.

Which, admittedly, include video games, superheroes, and comic books, so maybe they’re just immature, but Nate likes to think they were ahead of the zeitgeist as kids. They’ve just grown into it.

So he’s not exactly stressed when Friday rolls around. Instead, it’s this kind of optimistic nausea, which isn’t exactly an improvement, but is at least novel.

Monty’s already there when Nate and Bellamy show up, and Monty greets him with another hug, like some kind of freakishly affectionate monster. Who hugs people that often?

“Hey, you came! Which one is your ex?” he adds, to Bellamy. “Will she give me drinks? How blessed are you?”

He’s still tucked against Nate’s side when he asks, and when Bellamy points Gina out, Monty navigates both of them to her.

It’s a lot, and, not surprisingly, it only escalates. Monty seems to consider hugs the standard greeting for friends, so Nate can’t even read into it; Clarke and Bellamy gets hugs too, and Gina once Monty starts to get to know her. Raven and even Murphy get hugs. Nate isn’t special.

But he wants to be.

Part of him can’t help wondering if it’s just some weird residual childhood fondness, or cultural programming, like Monty’s desire to get a cat and go to a bar every week. That same impulse makes Nate think that meeting Monty again like this must be fate, that he wouldn’t be seeing him again unless it meant something.

“Or he’s hot and you want to make out with him,” Bellamy suggests.

“Or you’re projecting because you want to make out with Clarke.”

“I think this is one of those situations where you’re both right,” says Gina. “Everyone can suck at emotions and be in denial. You guys are great at that.”

“I’m not in denial,” Bellamy protests. “I know I want to make out with Clarke.”

“And I just think there could be other factors at play here.”

“So, you’re saying you think you don’t have a crush on the cute boy who likes video games and went on a thirty-minute rant about all the pros and cons of the Runaways comic and its TV adaptation,” Gina says. “You think that’s not your type?”

Nate pauses, tries to think of any counterargument and comes up completely empty. “I’m just saying, maybe he’s not as awesome as I think he is.”

Right on cue, Monty shows up, shaking snow out of his hair, and hugs Bellamy and Gina before basically draping himself on Nate’s back.

“Hey, sorry I’m late! Clarke’s on her way too, she got caught on the train. Did I miss anything?”

“Nope,” says Gina, with a bright smile. “I think you’re probably the only one who didn’t.”

*

They’ve been doing Friday drinks, Saturday coffee shop, and playing a lot of Overwatch over the Playstation Network for about two months when Monty says, “We should take this to the next level, right?”

Nate chokes on his beer, but luckily Gina is with another customer and Bellamy, Clarke, and Raven are playing pool, so no one else witnesses it. “What?”

“You haven’t met my cat yet! Not in person. That’s weird, right? You definitely should have met my cat.”

“Really? Is that a known relationship step?”

Monty seems to be thinking this over, giving it more consideration than Nate really thinks it warrants, unless this is actually a good sign. In which case–

“So, what I’m thinking is, you know, once you’re at my apartment, and you see how cute my cat is and how many video games I have an all my awesome superhero posters, you’re going to be overcome with–I guess it’s this weird kind of combination of pity and horniness? Is how I’m picturing it. That happens, and then we hook up, and inertia keeps you doing it. That would be my big, master plan with this.”

He’s not drinking, so he can’t choke again, but–

“Wow. No, that’s really not how it would go.”

“No?” he asks, a little wary, and Nate realizes his mistake.

“I would have kissed you here, if I knew you wanted me to.”

Monty stares. “You didn’t know? How did you not know? I thought I was so obvious! Jasper could tell from like my first text message. I was being so unsubtle! Oh my god, you didn’t know.”

“Sorry?”

He’s laughing, at least. “Wow. I’m–wow. Okay. I’m even worse at this than I thought. But–”

“But I like you,” says Nate. “So can I come meet your cat?”

Monty grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”

The rest of the evening goes basically exactly as Monty said it would, except with less pity and more genuine affection. And after, when they’re lying together in Monty’s bed, Nate can’t help asking, “You know you were my first love, right?”

“I hoped so.” He yawns. “And I’m hoping I’m going to be your last.”

Nate’s heart flips over, and he tugs Monty closer. “Yeah. I hope so too.”

[toyahinterviews]

TOYAH ON BBC RADIO LONDON WITH JUMOKE FASHOLA 3.10.2020

JUMOKE: A new drive-in music experience is coming to London on the 7th of October where you'll be able to watch live recordings from all the greats from Madonna to David Bowie from the comfort of your car or chair. Joining us now is 80's star and this year's host Toyah Willcox. Toyah - good morning! So lovely to have you on the programme! TOYAH: Thank you Jumoke. I have not been up this early in a while. I'm a concert singer like you. Mornings are very very strange places (laughs) JUMOKE: I did think that, you know! I said "Toyah! This time of the morning?!" I was like "she must be enthusiastic about this!" TOYAH: Of course I am! Absolutely. But I'm used to going to bed six in the morning. I'm usually driving back from Glasgow or I'm driving back from Penzance. Always on the road so this is fabulous! And I live in a market town and I'm looking out onto the street and it's completely quiet. It's rather beautiful JUMOKE: How lovely! Thank goodness you know how to drive because this is all about a drive-in 

TOYAH: It is for me really important because from about the beginning of April live performers – and I'm very much ... 99% … my living is as a live performer and a live musician – all our incomes stopped. And when you think about the technicians who put up all the stages, who do all the sound, they carry all the equipment  … These technicians have not had any financial support for six months now. So the whole reason that Deezer is doing this 80's drive-in is to raise funds for live musicians, mainly the technical team. The drive-in is going to be beautiful. Everything is going to be priced at 80's prices. The ticket is only £15, but you'll get a burger and a drink for 70p. And we want everyone to dress up, come with an 80's spirit. I call it a big warm 80's hug. This is the decade of showing off, exuberance, of big brash music and there will be wonderful concerts on the screen by David Bowie, Stevie Nicks, Madonna and Prince. I mean could that be any better? And I believe I'm singing too JUMOKE: Oh are you?! What a wonderful treat! It must be lovely actually to be able to go out and do that after all this time? TOYAH: It's phenomenal to be able to sing live. I don't know about you Jumoke … In my house I have a green screen studio that connects me to the world … I have recording facilities so I've been recording in New York, I've been in LA – from my home. So I've had six months of super creativity and super worry about everyone's health but it's all been from the one address. So to actually get out there and see and hear a live audience is such a privilege 

JUMOKE:

And you as an artist – it must've been an extraordinary time the early 80's into the 90's. What was it like for you a performer but also being surrounded by these legends?

TOYAH:

It was magical because back then everything was on a such a quick ascension to do with technology. I had my first hit in '81 although I was really super successful as an album artist from '78. So '81 MTV launches in August and that changed the world because not only were we singers – we had to make videos so we became very visual artists.

And what I remember about the 80's apart from playing in the stadiums and festivals to 200 000 people was that we had to create these really powerful looks that people would remember and for me it was big hair, very dramatic clothes. I always came on as a warrior woman looking far larger than life. And I remember the 80's as being very warm and very inclusive of the audience but of course when we got the 90's everyone remembered the 80's because of Margaret Thatcher and I think now we can forget the associated politics of the time and just hear the music. I have so many young fans under the age of 25 who contact me all the time saying “we've just discovered you! Oh wow!” And it's all new to this generation which is so rewarding

JUMOKE: It's interesting when you talk about the fashion as well because now everybody seems to have a stylist and a stylist and a half and three stylists, whatever - but you must've just been going "I just want to be me and this is what I'm going to do" and that must've been so exciting? TOYAH: It was very important to me as one of the rare females in the industry back then and you didn't have female executives in the industry in the UK back then – you did in the USA and it's a really important factor that women were involved in the industry so here I was, barely five foot tall, I didn't look like a supermodel – I had to make my mark. So I did by working with really wonderful arts students – a phenomenal woman called Melissa Caplan handmade all my clothes as she did for Bananarama and Spandau Ballet as well and Steve Strange of Visage. She hand painted everything so we were very very striking (below). All of our hair was never natural colour, mine was always orange so I had a lot of say in it – it meant a lot to me that I lifted that glass ceiling for women who didn't look like supermodels and said it doesn't matter what shape or size you are … If you've got an idea, that's what counts, it's your voice that counts and that was really really effective. I got about 10 000 letters a week off young girls saying "thank you, I never had confidence in myself and you've given me confidence." So that was really important to me then and it's really important to me today   

JUMOKE: Thank goodness you did do that because even today we are still battling those kind of stereotypes - which surprising given the amount of technology we've got and the opening of the doors and the glass ceiling and all of that kind of stuff that has been shattered but for some reason the music industry in particular seems to be hung up on this idea of what beauty (is) and what is accessible in terms of music and pop? TOYAH: Well, that's a really interesting question because who is driving that? Because when you look at the really big women, the über triple A-list women  - I think to some extent it's their choice and then when you look at the kind of natural level of social media … that's where the problem is because young girls think that is a normality and it isn't a normality. I think a normality comes from the beauty within and when you've got a young girl who has a phenomenal voice, phenomenal talent – that's all that counts. That's all that matters – is that that talent gets to the stage, that that talent gets nurtured, that a career gets nurtured and both you and I know this. We need those people that nurture and move us forward and  support us so we can be artists. So I would say there's a huge division between the A-listers and the young generation coming up because I think it's unrealistic to put the body beautiful before the talent. I just don't think it's right. And you've got such talent in this country and around the world so the more the industry and the executives in the industry can help the talent the better is what I say. If you were to ask me why am I still here is because I've always driven my talent and I've slightly laughed at my physicality. And the way I say that – I'm very quirky, I'm very off-the-wall, this drive-in on Wednesday I'm going to be in full costume. It's a costume (below) you either find amusing or incredibly beautiful

JUMOKE: Oh my gosh! I love the idea of this but also what I love about this idea of looking back to the 80's in this way is that it will remind people about the individualism that really structured and was part of music industry - which we hope can regain some footing TOYAH: You just hit the nail on the head. It's individuality. And that for me – I'm 62 … I remember the 60's very very well. The 70's incredibly well  … it was the incredible individuality of the artists. It seemed to come before the music to a certain extent. I think individuality opens many doors for younger generations – to just step through that door and be brave enough and put their hand up and say “I have a voice”. I think individuality is pretty glorious thing and it's not always to do with body shape or   really selling your agenda. I think it's selling your ideas so I totally totally get that. Individuality. JUMOKE: Alright - so it's this coming Wednesday, the 7th of October, it's part of National Album Day - TOYAH: And I'm a National Album Day ambassador - JUMOKE: Oh, fantastic! TOYAH: And we're celebrating on the 10th of October artists' albums rather than single songs. Complete works. So with the drive-in London – it's all to help the technicians within the music industry who are unable to earn a living JUMOKE: It's been a joy Toyah, thank you so much for joining us this morning. The legend that is Toyah Willcox! I was really inspired by that conversation. Thank you Toyah, for sharing your memories of the 80's   

[th3fragile]

thanks to the loveliest @seed-0​ for tagging me. I’m sending over a loaf of bread ‘cause that’s the only thing in the world I love (hopefully you’re not intolerant or hate it)

Answer the questions and tag 20 people. I can’t even count up to 20 so @reznorsbrat​ @fajantas​ @electric-eccentricity​ @demberly​ @douchebat​ @wilder-wein​ @opiate-priest​ and anyone who wants to do it!

THE LAST: 1. Drink: green tea with raspberries 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: my “”best friend”” (??) 4. Song you listened to: Taste in Men by Placebo 5. Time you cried: earlier this afternoon wow HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yeah 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: not that I recall 8. Been cheated on: yes 9. Lost someone special: that’s all I do can’t wait for the next one 10. Been depressed: that’s all I do pt2 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Green 13. Black 14. Dark blue IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes 16. Fallen out of love: no 17. Laughed until you cried: yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: can’t recall but probably not like it’s not like people actually spend time talking about me 19. Met someone who changed you: hahahahaHA 20. Found out who your friends are: no 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: a big chunk of them 24. Do you want to change your name: no 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: had some people I care about over and we baked and listened to terrible music 26. What time did you wake up: 7am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 28. Name something you can’t wait for: honest to god,dying 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 10 mins ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: the fact that I am alive honestly 31. What are you listening right now: Days Before You Came by Placebo 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: can’t recall 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that I really just want to planly talk about some issues with someone but it doesn’t really look like it’s gonna happen so I think I’ll just kill myself honestly 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr, Twitter, YouTube and my university website LOST QUESTIONS 35. Mole/s: quite a few 36. Mark/s: scars anywhere on my body cause that’s how you love your body right 37. Childhood dream: to be forever friends with my at-the-time best friend,become a dancer or a biology student 38. Haircolour: green 39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: HAHAHAHAHA 41. What do you like about yourself: my mortality cause that means I get to possibly die at any time honestly. Grateful (but also my hair,eyebrows and tattoos) 42. Piercings: 3 on my right ear and 1 on my left, but 3 of them are stretched 44. Nickname: Miki,Pipi,Green,Baby 45. Relationship status: willing to die 46. Zodiac: Pisces 47. Pronouns: She/her/them/they 48. Favourite TV Show: OITNB,Sense8? Not sure 49. Tattoos: a lot but hopefully more to come 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: my shoulder got fucked up once 52. Hair dyed in different color: black, red, purple, dark red, green, slightly blue 53. Sport: I run in the country and mess around on my friend’s skateboard 55. Vacation: I don’t know/care as long as there’s silence and trees and cold weather 56. Pair of trainers: 2 MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: cry probably 61. Waiting for: the moment I go to bed so I can pretend I am dead 62. Want: TO DIE THANKS FOR ASKING or in alternative to feel whole 63. Get married: as if that was ever going to happen AS IF I was going to make it to that age AS IF anyone could ever love me. unrealistic and not willing to 64. Career: I literally hope I die before that even becomes a serious issue cause there’s nothing that excited me or that I am able to do so unless it’s me lying underground or me sitting in a library then I hope it’s not gonna happen WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: nobody’s willing to touch me and I’m not willing to be touched 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: what the fuck 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: none is going to happen but relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: what the fuck again HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: yes 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex in the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: who the fuck knows,I think so 80. Had your heart broken: all the time that’s my favourite activity 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: all I do pt3 DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: ............. 85. Miracles: no 86. Love at first sight: fucking no 87. Santa Claus: no 88. Kiss on the first date: who the fuck cares 89. Angels: no OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: Arianna,Alessia,Izabela and Alice which is a lot of As 91. Eyecolour: dark brown 92. Favorite movie: The Hours I think

[peakyxshelby]

Can’t stop thinking about you

Finn Shelby x Reader

Request:  Im glad u like the idea,can u please write:(takes place at the wedding)u are Grace sister,you can see the hostility between the families,but u and Finn flirt,u get stuck in situations,Arthur & Tommy speech,the fire,u decide to move with Grace 4 Finn

Author's note: I couldn’t fit everything in but i hope you still enjoy it, I thought it was super cute and happy just like finn is! Also Grace didn’t die in this imagine!

“You look stunning,” You say staring at your big sister as she twirls around showing off her dress, you both laughed at this. “And this house, I miss you so much Grace.” You and Grace looked completely opposite with your brown hair and dark brown eyes but you were always very close growing up considering the age difference, as she was 30 and you were 17.

“I missed you too (Y/N) but remember you are always welcome to come stay with us.” You sighed knowing your uncle would never let you leave Ireland, he was scared that you’d do the same as grace and meet a man like Tommy that he disapproves of. “Do you not just wish they would all get along?” Grace commented on the hostility between the two families, especially the men. The room was very tense both sides of the table staring at one another, John throwing the occasional insult. The whole room fell silent as a glass was hit as Arthur stood up to do his speech. Grace and tommy both squirmed a little bit, so whatever was about to come should be interesting. You found yourself smirking and as you looked up you locked eyes with one of tommy’s brothers, the youngest one. He was staring right at you and even when you looked away you could still feel his eyes baring into the side of your head. After a couple of sentences, Michael interrupted his speech telling him to tell a joke. Arthur however continued on, You has no idea what he was saying cause you were to busy thinking about the boy on the other side of the table. All of a sudden everyone was standing up as Tommy was making a toast. Shortly followed by Arthur and Tommy leaving the table

“Well,” you turned to Grace, “Looks like it’s time to party.” She smiled at you, her baby sister all grown up in her light pink dress embroidered with sequins and pearls and her hair curled perfectly to frame her face she thought you looked just like your father.

“Come on then.” She said taking your hand and leading you to the next room.

You stood smiling watching over from the bar as your sister had her first dance as Mrs. Shelby, waiting for your drink when you felt a presence next to you. You turned to see the boy from earlier standing next to you.

“So,” he started “Bride or Groom?”

“I think you already know that.” You said picking up the glass that had just been placed in front of you and taking a sip. The boy was quite a bit taller than you, he looked young but was still lean.

“You’re right, if you were on Tommy’s side I would have met you before at some point and there’s no way i would be forgetting a face like that.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” You smirked over the glass looking up at his freckled face. He shrugged his shoulders playing it off. “Plus I think the irish accent might have been a tip.”

“You’d be surprised how many Irish people we have on Tommy’s side today,” He laughed staring back, you two properly making eye contact for the first time. “So how do you know grace?”

“Sister.” You stated bluntly. He looked confused.

“Really? Wow, you two really look different don’t you.” He turned round and glanced at grace as she was speaking away to some of our Uncle’s friends being polite.

“She got our mums genes, I got our dad’s. What do i call you then huh?”

“I’m Finn, and you?”

“(Y/N)”

“How long are you here for then?”

“A couple days maybe, maybe longer. I doubt it though no one really seems to get along.”

“We are getting along.” You smiled up at him when you first saw him you didn’t think he would have so much confidence.

“Are we?”

For the rest of the night, you and Finn sat down and talked all night. You laughed over stories and heard about his brothers. You told him about how you lived with your Uncle and how you wanted to leave, at the end of the night he asked if you wanted to dance and even when you said no he dragged you into the middle of that dance floor and spun you round like there was no one watching. It was getting late and you started to get tired so you told Finn you were making your way to bed, Grace and Tommy had given you a room in their house in the hopes that you would come and visit more often. Finn started walking you up and along the never ending corridors of this house.

“This house is something else isn’t it,” He said as he followed your gaze around the walls with all the beautiful paintings and pieces of furniture.

“It really is. This is what I want to live like.” This was of course and unrealistic fairytale, but Finn took your hand and turned you to face him.

“One day you will, one day I’ll buy you a big house like this.” You started to laugh at how Finn was joking around but something in the way he looked at you made you believe he was serious. You stopped laughing and locked eyes with him, he looped his arms around your waist and leant in placing a soft kiss on your lips. When he went to come away you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back in for more getting more passionate as it went on. You were smiling into the kiss and pulled away slightly still resting your forehead on his.

“If my Uncle sees you, in fact, if any of the men see you, You’ll be dead meet.”

“Worth it,” Finn smirked.

Finn snuck down your hall early around 7 to see you off before you leave, but when he got to you room and knocked on your door there was no answer. He waited and knocked every couple of minutes. Eventually he gave, up and just opened the door, when he went in there was no one there. Your stuff had gone and the bed was neatly made. Finn went down to the dining room to see if you were there but instead ran into Grace. She quickly wiped away her tears when she saw Finn standing there in the doorway.

“You alright Grace?” She smiled half-heartedly and shook her head, motioning for Finn to come and take a seat.

“They left at 6 this morning because the couldn’t stand my new life,” Her voice cracked as she tried to speak. “And they took (Y/N), I don’t know when i’ll next see her you know, my own sister, they don’t want her to see me.” By this point she was, full on sobbing and Finn rested a hand on her shoulder comforting her. Tommy coughed as he came in rubbing his eyes stopping in his tracks when he saw his new wife crying. He nodded to Finn the gesture saying thank you and giving you the option to leave. Finn stood up and made it outside the door before letting his heartbreak, he couldn’t believe he was never going to see you.

When you got off the train in Small Heath and started making your way through the town, everyone was staring at you. You stuck out like a sore thumb. You hadn’t come dressed the part but you wanted to look good. You hadn’t stopped thinking about Finn since that night, in fact he was all you could think about. You stopped a man and asked if he knew where you could find Thomas Shelby, he shook his head and pretty much ran away from you. The next person you asked directed you straight towards “The Shelby Offices” he didn’t ask questions and when you asked him any he didn’t respond. You arrived at the building and went to thank the man but by the time you’d turned around he had gone. You let yourself in and all the men running about turned to stare all pretty much freezing in position, a couple you recognised from the wedding.

“Miss Burgess,” One of the men started. “I didn’t know we were expecting you.” he leads you down a corridor and to outside Tommy’s office before knocking. Tommy looked up and his jaw almost hit the ground when he saw you.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here? Grace is going to be so happy, come on let’s get you to Arrow house to see her come on.”

You stopped as he started getting his coat ready. “Tommy, can i live with you and grace?”

He stared at you not saying anything, “I know it’s your house not hers if i ask her she’ll say yes but you might not want that.” He put his arm round your shoulders and squeezed you, “Of course you can.” You hadn’t been so happy in a long time, to get away from your uncle, to leave Ireland and to possibly see Finn.  As Tommy started shouting at orders at people to do whilst his presence was absent the door swung open and in walked Michael, Isaiah and Finn. He didn’t notice you at first until Michael started running over to you, when he followed Michael’s gaze he saw you standing there, and his heart started racing. He hadn’t stopped thinking about you since the night of the wedding and now you were here standing in front of him. You smiled shyly at him before looking down at your feet again.

“(Y/N)!” he said running past Michael and picking you up and twirling you around.

“Did I miss something?” Tommy asked Michael and Isaiah as they all stared at you and Finn hugging.

“I think you might be looking at the next future Shelby,” Michael laughed back as Finn planted a kiss on (Y/N)’s lips. He had been dying to do that since your lips left his a couple weeks ago.

[dothewrite]

Seijoh has a female manager, and she happens to be Oikawa and Iwa's long time childhood friend — she and Oiks are completely oblivious to each other's feelings, like everyone in the team already knows except for them? Hehe sorry if this is too specific!!

Oikawa? A lady killer? In his dreams, maybe, but when it comes to actual matters of the heart I promise that he’s a clueless amoeba. Cue, Iwaizumi to the rescue. I hope you enjoy this little fic of silly!

Now Iwaizumidoesn’t think that he should be considered a very observant person. Sure, hepicks up on things that he needs to, but he doesn’t have the persistence to beable to really uncover something that someone’s actively trying to hide. Whichmakes this all the more pathetic, in his opinion, because at this rate even ablind pigeon with a faulty sensory system would be able to notice the amount oftension in the air each time the two of them are in the same room.

Out ofeveryone too, they’d all banked on Oikawa being the perceptive one. Heck, hisentire volleyball career is based on him being the most observant out of all ofthem- the one who picks up on playstyle, predictive movement and analysing potentialplays. He literally does this every day,so why, why does this idiot not notice the incredibly suffocating atmosphereeach time they finish practice?

IwaizumiHajime is no matchmaker. But sometimes enough is enough, and if this is what ittakes to stop the betting pool from growing into unrealistic proportions (Imean, he’s a high schooler, he can’t afford a car for goodness’ sake), actions must be taken.

He startswith the small things. They’re in the same club, sure, but they’re in the sameschool too, and the same year. Itshouldn’t be that difficult, he decides, even if both of them are blind asbats. Attempt one involves him really awkwardly standing in the middle of thecorridor waiting for both of them to show up after school to shop for new trainers. It’s possibly theworld’s most cliché plot, but he’s getting points for effort, not originality.Both you and Oikawa look at his shoes with raised eyebrows and Iwaizumi sighs.Alright, they’re pretty new, but he supposes he can make a sacrifice for hisbest friends. His idiot best friendsthat give him so much grief about overspending on the way to the store that hewants to chuck them both in a trash compactor and be done with it.

It doesn’twork, of course. He just ends up with a frayed temper, two highly amusedfriends and an empty wallet. He swears never again to treat either of them todrinks, because a cappuccino should not cost more than a meal and be made withbeans imported from Atlantis or somewhere.

His nextattempt goes a little better, if a little less effective. They don’t actuallymanage to spend time together, but he manages to corner Oikawa in the lockerroom right after practice and squeezes some truth of out of him. Iwaizumisettles for 75% truth, because any higher and it’d be an impostor.

“Do you likeher?” He asks a bewildered Oikawa, straight and to the point.

“Who?” Thegit tilts his head in feigned ignorance and Iwaizumi smacks him.

“Who elsehave you been staring at all the time with that pining expression on your face?”

“Iwa-chan, Idon’t pine,” Oikawa scrunches up hisnose like the mere insinuation that he could have human feelings is beneathhim, “I merely admire.”

Iwaizumirolls his eyes. “Pine, admire, pop a boner for- it’s all the same. C’mon, thetruth.”

Oikawa looksrather indignant at being put on the spot with his uniform pants safely out ofreach and behind Iwaizumi, so it’s not like he can make a break for it. So,laboriously, he answers. “Is it that obvious?”

“Shittykawa,I’m pretty sure the school’s going to make banners out of your mooning faces ifit gets any more obvious.”

Oikawa’seyes widen. “So the team knows?!”

Iwaizumisnorts. “Of course the team knows. I’m pretty sure the only one who doesn’tknow is her.”

“You’re not goingto say anything are you?! Iwa-chan, don’t tell me you’re going to turn traitor.”

“Okay,”Iwaizumi frowns and presses an accusing finger into Oikawa’s heaving chest. “Firstof all, you’re both unfortunately my best friends and absolute morons, so there’sno ‘turning traitor’ when I’m on nobody’s side. Secondly, you should tell herbefore we all go broke from betting on you two.”

“What’s thebetting pool at?” Oikawa seems to perk up at the idea, and a wicked smirkcreeps over his expression. Iwaizumi feels like he’s signing himself away to ademon when he tells him.

“Around 17-kyen.”

Oikawa letsout a low whistle. “Wow, I’mflattered!”

“You shouldn’tbe,” Iwaizumi mutters irritably, but he knows it’s not going to make adifference either way. “Hurry the fuck up and admit it.”

“Why? I’mgoing to make someone rich, y’know. So much money isn’t to be scoffed at as astudent.”

“Yeah?”Iwaizumi’s quite done at this point. His point’s been made, and the idea’s beenplanted. There’s nothing left for him to do this evening, so he pulls back andstarts packing his things into his bag. Oikawa just stands there with his backto the wall like he’s been pinned there by some invisible force of theuniverse. “Look,” Iwaizumi finally says, hefting his stuff over his shoulderwith a hand on the doorknob, “sure, someone’s going to go rich, someone’s goingto go broke- but you’re gonna be stuck here with those feelings of yours untilsomeone graduates and you’re never going to be able to tell her how you feel. So,man up.”

He doesn’tglance backwards to see Oikawa’s expression before he leaves. He catches youreye outside in the hallway, waiting for both of them to walk home after school,and Iwaizumi lifts a hand in greeting.

The bestnews he’s heard all week, he thinks, is that he doesn’t need to make an attemptthree. Honestly, there’s not much else he thinks he can do other than go to youand confront you about your feelingstoo (which, he thinks he should have done first because you’re miles easier totalk to than Oikawa), but all that is saved, thank goodness, when he receives atext at two thirty in the morning from Shittykawa telling him that he’s goingto talk to her tomorrow at practice.

It’s thebest sleep he’s had in ages, and he finds himself actually looking forwards topractice afterschool that day.

It’s apretty average day- all three of your meet at the crossroads of your respectivestreets to head to school together. Oikawa’s got his arm around the both youand Iwaizumi, as usual, and there’s almost no difference from any other day-that is, if both of you hadn’t been around him since he was born. There’s noescaping the eyes of a hawk. You’re in a different class from both of them, butIwaizumi notices the extra chirpy ‘see ya!’ that Oikawa offers you, and thelittle bashful smile that colours your cheeks before the two of you part tostart the day. Iwaizumi does the decent thing, and doesn’t mention it at all.He doesn’t even look at Oikawa knowingly, which he thinks he deserved at leastfifteen brownie points for.

The thingthat gives it away for the team, however, is during practice. Oikawa’s as sternand serious as always whenever there’s volleyball involved, but this afternoonhe barely spares you a glance, not even when you’re directly handing him hispersonal bottle that he’d forgotten at home this morning. Hanamaki only nudgesIwaizumi in the ribs rather painfully, and jerks his head towards the non-spectacle.Yahaba just scoffs at his wimp of a captain, and even Issei, usually the one who pretendshe’s not interested in it out of respect for you, shakes his headdisappointingly.

“That’scold,” he murmurs to Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi has to agree. “Is he planning ondoing something today?”

“That’s whathe messaged me,” Iwaizumi murmurs back, and Hanamaki makes a suffocating noisein the background.

“I knew ourcaptain was a tsun,” Hanamaki comments, “but she’s too sweet to even notice thathe is. She probably just thinks she’s done something to piss him off today.”

EvenKyoutani makes a disgusted face at the sound of that, and Iwaizumi, again, hasto agree. “She knows him so well but when it comes to some things…”

“Theydeserve each other,” finishes Issei, and the whole team just nods in assent.

“The blind leadingthe blind- or something,” Yahaba just tuts as he waves the betting sheet aroundin the air, and they all gravitate towards him, eyes never leaving yourslightly put off figure the entire time. Everyone holds their breath collectivelywhen you make a move to return to the coach’s side, but Oikawa places a veryshaky hand on your arm to stop you.

“Wait-“ hebegins, and you find yourself heating up in ways you thought were only limitedto industrial sized ovens.

“H-hm?” youstutter, and you look mildly frustrated at your own tongue for that. Oikawa, onthe other hand, doesn’t notice it at all and instead pulls you to one side inwhat he thinks is an inconspicuous corner. The only people who don’t notice arethe coach and the teacher, and the rest of Aoba Jousai watches on with baitedbreath.

“I,” Oikawastarts, before he removes his hand from you and starts to pull at his shirtnervously, “Iwa-chan told me something the other day.”

You nod,anticipating a story of some sort that ends with Oikawa being roasted, again.

“He saidthat we’re going to graduate soon, and…” his tongue trips him over severaltimes, and you feel your nerves run laps around your pulse. “That I should saysomething before I regret not… saying…”

“This isn’tlike you, Tooru,” you joke, a small smile gracing your features because it’sthe only way you know how to comfort him right now, “you’re usually so sure ofanything you’re going to say.”

“Well that’sbecause usually I know exactly how it’s going to be received,” Oikawa respondsproudly before deflating again. He’s blushing, which is a natural wonder initself and you can’t help but mirror it four-fold. You’re too busy staring atthe floor, but Oikawa catches the way your cheeks redden and your lower lip beingworried between your teeth and he can’t help but resign himself to his fate.

That “I’mcompletely in love with you”- and he wants to die right there because that’s absolutelynot what he wanted to say. It doesn’t sound cool at all, and the team sort of has a small stroke because they’d neverexpected their wuss of a captain to say something so bold. A stuttered, ambiguousconfession perhaps, but not this.

Your face islike a fire alarm. You press your cheeks between your hands, hoping to coolthem down, but no such luck- at least Oikawa looks absolutely mortified, whichkeeps your embarrassment company at least.

“I…” you’reflailing in your mind, “r-really?”

Oikawa lookshorrified, but he nods anyway and despite all odds, despite the incredibly embarrassing, for the fourth time,atmosphere, a wide smile breaks through your face and there are almost relievedtears clinging at your lashes.

“Thankgoodness!” You exclaim with relief, “I thought that I’d have to graduate withoutanyone ever knowing!”

“Knowingthat… I like you?” Oikawa’s lower lip starts to tremble.

“No, idiot,”you grin at him, your own lips equally wobbly, and the two of you must make aridiculous sight. “That I like you too.”

And then,Oikawa evaporates. Or rather, he feels like he’s about to, but what happensinstead is that you’re tugging him into a fierce hug that he can’t do anythingbut reciprocate, and faintly out of his consciousness he hears clapping goingon.

“Idiot,” yourepeat into his chest, and he smiles too, because now that the embarrassment’sgone, he’s finally realizing what’s happening and good lord, he wishes he weren’tsuch an idiot, like you said, and did this earlier.

“I’m ahandsome idiot, at least,” he tries to argue, but it’s all silenced when youpull him down by the towel around his neck and press a soft kiss against his lips that just won’tshut up. He does, finally, when he realizes that it’s okay to actually do thisand not just fantasize about it, and his arms wrap around your waist to pullyou in deeper into the best kiss of his life.

Iwaizumifeels exceptionally pleased that evening when he walks home, alone. He doesn’teven mind that its’ chilly and he forgot his jacket in the locker room, becausehe’d been far too pleased with the huge bulge in his wallet made from Hanamaki’stears.

“I thoughtwe were friends,” Hanamaki had wailedat him, but Iwaizumi had only shrugged, and even Issei threw an unsympatheticstare at his best friend.

“Cold hardcash,” Iwaizumi had replied, before closing the door behind him and feelinglike all his trouble had been well paid for.

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

The Difference between almost Suicidal and Suicidal

Hey guys, I wrote this 36 hours ago I just didn’t have to time post it due to my system. Anyway here it is:

Hello everyone, it’s been a while… at least it feels like it’s been a while. Anyway my depression was doing really well, it seemed to slow down a lot. Right up until about 4 days ago when it slowly came back, then two days ago I was tempted to cut myself again but I didn’t because I know that’s a bad thing to do. However this time I noticed my depression has changed for the better, there’s an element of it that’s almost entirely missing. One of the many horrible things depression can convince a person of is that they are unwanted or that nobody really wants them around or that you get in the way.

Here is where things seem to have changed for the better. Not so long ago I started dating my best friend who accepts me for who I am despite my depression and she has done a good job thus far as to making me feel wanted. Now I suppose that should have been obvious when we first started dating or maybe even before that but I guess not. I have noticed lately then when I get depressed and start to overthink all the negative things in life that the one things I don’t feel anymore is, unwanted. I actually feel wanted because of her, I used to always want to die young and alone but because of her I want to live for a long time with her and she can bury me in her garden or put my ashes in a tea bag and make corpse flavored tea… wow that’s a sick and twisted idea (wouldn’t surprise me if she tries it though). Anyway that’s not the point. I just thought I’d make the point to say how a fairly major element of my own self hatred is minimized all because someone cares about me and wants me to stick around. If this never happened I’d probably still be living in the digital world, possibly cutting myself on a more regular bases, hiding in shadows or just maybe I would have gone so crazy that I would have just ran away or died somewhere. Ok so maybe this is a bit extreme. I was living life before I met my girlfriend however I never felt wanted. Also there is no doubt in my mind that God matched us up together for a bunch reasons, one of those reasons being that we’re now partners to go through life with and conquer this depression with; of course I get to be there for her when she needs me (it’s called TeamWork). I think if anyone out there reading this takes away anything from this post, it’s that being a real friend who genuinely cares for the other can not be underestimated.

You know how many people commit suicide these days? Over 44 thousand people took their own lives last year in the USA alone. If I had to bet, I don’t think any of those people had someone in their life that they could truly be themselves with and call their best friend. Now it’s not totally their fault, in fact for anyone who commits suicide it is almost never their fault. There are lots of reasons (and they are good reasons) as to why people commit suicide. However I would not recommend it. If you’re contemplating suicide while reading this please message me or at least talk to me through the comment section, you can remain anonymous and I can provide many better reasons as to why you should live. Now I say this because I know a lot of people say “suicide is selfish”.... How? Are you retarded? I understand that yes, they are ending all of their pain but at the cost of living and all hope of something better. So you would rather this person live a life of agonizing pain so you can wish them a happy birthday on face book after it notifies you or so you can have a drinking buddy. No, that’s a terrible reason to live a life with depression. If you have Depression or anxiety or some kind of mental illness or if you are some how suicidal then I can relate to the pain you go through every damn day! You probably take a long time to get out of bed, you sometimes lose your balance on your way to the bathroom, maybe you skip a meal or get bored of everything, perhaps you lay on your floor and don’t move for hours on end, maybe you cut yourself or play 12+ hours of video games a day or don’t sleep out of fear of being with your dark suicidal thoughts… just guessing. I used to walk on the curb instead of the sidewalk to give myself the opportunity of flopping down onto the street as a car was coming (I never took the opportunity as you can tell I am still here). It haunts you day, night and everything in between. Sometimes you just want to cry and break down, I know how hard that is to get around and think about. Suicide is not selfish, it is the best option for someone with no hope. Now you may be asking, where do you find hope? So where do I find hope? I found hope in Jesus. I know, what a Sunday School answer eh. But seriously, he proved to me that he is real and so is the power of praying. I recently met a cool guy who asked me, “do you think prayer really works?”. And I told him the same the thing I’m about to tell you. As depression consumed me I began to pray to God for help a lot more than I once did. God fed me hope, just enough to keep me alive and sane. However he let me fall a few times but just badly enough that I’d learn life lessons. Enough that I would live long enough to tell this tale. Hopefully I will live long enough to be with my best friend forever. Now it’s been years and God has been letting me fall and then he’d save me again and again and again. I’ve fallen so many times now and each time seems more painful then that last but each time I get stronger. If I had suddenly felt the way I have recently 3 years ago. I would have flopped onto the street and got myself ran over by a car. But there’s a purpose in our pain.

I forget where but I remember someone asked me the best way to kill a person… this was in highschool, I had a weird social circle. I told them to put the person in a room with a hook, a stool, a rope and feed them 3 square meals a day and give them a bathroom. This would work because even though they have all they’d need to survive, they wouldn’t be living. The person would go crazy and probably develop some level of depression. Time will do the rest and they would eventually hang themselves. Now this got a little off track and if you don’t believe in Jesus or God or anything then I suppose you have no reason to live then… right? Sorry to be so honest but if you’re going to die eventually and you’re in pain right now then you might as well just skip out on life a little early. However if you want hope… it’s found in Jesus. Not a relationship, not a bottle of alcohol, not food, not drugs, not people, not videogames, no distraction will help you. It will only put it off and distract you and frankly if that’s how you’re going to live your life, well then you’re already dead as far as I’m concerned. So let’s regroup, if you don’t want to die and you don’t believe in Jesus and you are living in emotional and mental pain that you cannot escape… what should you do? Well then do one of the things that has kept me going for a long time now. Dedicate your life to being a genuinely good person inside and out. This world is desperate for good people, there are very few left. Be the person that you need in your life. I know it’s not easy, heck maybe it may seem impossible. Trust me it is possible. Our world is starved for real relationships and we all feel so much more alone then we’re suppose too and there is major mental backlash because of it.  

I’m going to move on to something that fascinated me, I forget where I heard it but dang it’s genius. So in some prison somewhere on earth probably a long time ago (it’s not really important). Prisoners were kept in small stone rooms with just enough space to lay down, there would be a tiny window at the top of the room, just big enough for them to roughly tell the time. Sometimes they would be fed, sometimes they wouldn’t be fed or they’d be fed a lot of food in a short amount of time or they’d hardly get any food. At any given time someone would come to the door and whisper random lies to the prisoner… things like, “you’re going to be executed in three days” or “you’ll be set free soon”. They would give false hope and dangle uncertain futures within day of these prisoners so they’d go CRAZY! They were tortured mentally and emotionally in the small subtle ways but over time this would destroy a person in the slowest and most painful way. Oh yeah and they would never actually execute them or let them out… they’d just wait until they lost the will to live or die of old age. I tell you this amazingly brilliant and evil torture method because… well it’s genius but also because that’s what feeling suicidal can be like. You’re either waiting for an unrealistic break that will make your life amazing or you just want to disappear forever.

I was just doing some research about “signs of suicide” and ironically I have done all but two of the listed examples. Anyway guys let me bring this post full circle. All this talk of suicide has been so uplifting eh? Well without Jesus suicide is definitely something I would have considered a while ago but he’s doing a good job at keeping me alive. Plus, as I said before, my girlfriend is always there for me whenever I need to talk and vent. I feel wanted because of her… yay!

I suppose I’m done talking now. I also think I should go to bed… that horrible place where you are left alone with your thoughts and they slowly kill you until you wake up.