#and only partially a shitpost

[eggsistential-breakdown]

Curly should've killed J*mmy this, Swansea should have killed J*mmy that,

Anya should have gotten to Brokenstar his ass

Bonuses:

Jackshit mouthwashing first human in the dark forest (warrior cat hell)

Edit: part 2 jotulism gets mauled by wcwiwc (warrior cat women in war crimes) in warrior cat hell

[artbyblastweave]

Uncritical support to John Romita Jr. in his ongoing quest to create the first cubist superhero comic book

[doom-dreaming]

okay i'm still very awake so you're all gonna have to deal with me red-stringing about character bullshit until i fall asleep. i Know i'm making a big post about this but i don't care

why. this is the first instance of mark being designated as the one in charge when a higher-up (fred, in this case) isn't present. but why. they were only trapped in the slipspace fuckeryzone for a few days relative to normal space-time and i don't think anything drastic happens (with these guys) in glasslands? at least according to the wiki it doesn't. why did being integrated into blue team suddenly disrupt team saber's former command structure?

did they plan to kill mark off at the very start of this? was this all a long game to give mark enough of a foothold as an Important Character to make his death have more impact? does troy denning just like him more? how much weight did his personal preferences even play in this? why do the gammas suddenly start bantering when they're in danger and alone with a woman they just met? why do mark and ash seem to switch personalities every other chapter? why is this worse than i remember it being when i first read it a few months ago?

[selkieshark]

Yeah babe I'm ready for you now, lemme just put on the sex playlist <3

[thegreateyeofsauron]

A lot of Batman adaptions fail because they're either unaware or deliberately ignoring how Batman is a metaphor for homosexuality.

Bruce Wayne is meant to represent the typical closeted gay man who tries to make up for his own self-perceived lack of manliness by pretending to be a womanizing playboy, but who anonymously cruises the streets every night looking for hookups.

Even a lot of his rogue's gallery fit into this.

The Joker, a flamboyantly gay jester who embodies the religious right's fears of homosexuality destroying society.

Hugo Strange, a psychologist who knows his secret and constantly threatens to out Batman.

The Riddler, a man who forces you to question everything, even your sexuality.

Twoface, a closeted bisexual man who resents Batman for awakening something in him.

The Penguin, a representation of the belief that homosexuality is just a bourgeoisie affliction that could only exist under capitalism.

Killer Croc, a gay bara furry.

Bane, who blew Batman's back out.

[thatonefatgumsimp]

I NEED HELP (DND Stuff, might be a dumb question idk-)

So genuine question for DND side of tumblr, but- I've been thinking recently...

And are the things next to the dragonborn colors in the player handbook, like, types of damage that are less effective, their magical girl power, or both?

Cuz I never really thought about that before and I have absolutely no idea-

[realsparrowboy]

There’s a reason they don’t have social media in whimsy and warfare

@blitzkennedyrieg

[tiredfoxtf]

I need to get validation and praise for like everything I do, like a toddler. And if I don't I will also cry like a toddler.

[nekovannox]

Do you think "the giant monkey that lives with me" is a common concept amongst domestic animals?

[eyepatchdate]

started a smtv replay as my new 'main game' because im stuck in a grinding loop right before final boss of pq2.

[artbyblastweave]

I have to imagine that my writing style telegraphs this, but an important thing to understand about me is that at my heart I’m a Reddit expat. Oh, I’ve assimilated, no question. I've adapted my patented Reddit Register to new, fertile discursive conditions. But late at night I dream of the homesite, even though it never feels the same when I visit. And it feels so different precisely because it's the same.

[grimm-writings]

hihi >_< could i request chilchuck x reader, maybe with reader flirting with him constantly, and then getting flustered when he actually decides to flirt back?

“what a flirt!”

…ft! chilchuck x gn! reader

…tags! fluff, suggestive comments, grimm trying so hard not to make the flirting sound cring, mention of chilchuck's wife

…wc! 698

…notes! my stupid doodle of chil with an iron is at 4203 notes at the time of writing my fic blog reputation has been squandered by the shitpost… but i finally got motivation do actually WRITE who cheered!!!! hope you enjoy and apologies for the wait!!

“Gosh, Chil, with those hands of yours you could easily please a partner!”

With his back turned away from you all you can hear from the picklock doing his job is a very deep inhale.  You can’t miss the way the tips of his ears glow red, even in the dim dungeon light.  You know there’s a ‘rule’ to not disturb the half-foot as he works but… goodness it’s just too tempting!  It’s not like there’s any harm in it!

When Chilchuck finishes his task he stands up and glares at you pointedly.  You return it with a bright smile.  “Thank you very much!” you chorus with the party oh, so politely.  The rest have partially given up on convincing you to not say or do anything while Chlichuck is busy.  He still gets the job done, at least…

Travels continue, and you find yourself trying to match a tall half-foot’s pace.  You have to slow down considerably but in your head all you can think about is how adorable Chilchuck might look if he tried to match your pace instead.

Right as you were about to drift off into fantasy, Chilchuck cleared his throat.  “You got somethin’ to say or is your head in the clouds again?”

You giggle.  “No, just thinking about how handsome you are.”  Once more, you relish in how flustered Chilchuck gets, attempting to speed walk ahead of you and start up a chat with Laios instead.

It’s so irritating.  Chilchuck can’t say or do anything without you making some kind of dumb comment!  He’s convinced even in a life or death situation you’d find some way to make him choke on his words and stumble.  You probably would let it happen if it means you can get the jump on him and humiliate him once again!

Before Chilchuck knows it he’s gritting his teeth together, his seething not going unnoticed.  Laios says quietly enough so you aren’t quite able to pick out what’s being said, “why not fight fire with fire?”

It’s an alright suggestion, sure, but that means… having to flirt back with you.  Chilchuck doesn’t know what constitutes flirting really.  His old flame used to say that he only ever honeyed her up when he’s a few drinks in.  Is that really what it will take to get you off his ass?

His question would be answered just a few hours later.  Combat isn’t Chilchuck’s forte, so once again he’s hiding behind some rock somewhere, slightly elevated off the floor.  That way he could avoid any collateral damage.

So he hoped at least.  A swing of a tail from the creature, slamming on the rock floor, proves him otherwise.  The ground collapses beneath Chilchuck and for a second he internally laments that he’s going to acquire another spot of brain damage.

But he doesn’t.  Instead, your arms easily catch underneath his knees and torso, holding him almost like a bride.  It’s you, and you look just so relieved, off guard.

Almost on instinct, Chilchuck lets the words slip.

“Looks like I fell for you.”

It’s so awful.  It’s so pathetic.  At least your pick–up lines were actually creative.  He almost wishes you’d let him break a bone or two.  Marcille’s healing might actually hurt less.

What he doesn’t expect at all is how your face deepens in colour and dusts across your face and cheeks, how your eyes widen and your jaw hangs open.  In your hold, Chilchuck feels your arms shaking.  Chilchuck only had to think for a second before realising that you seriously can’t take what you dish out.

The smug, brash grin that makes its way onto his face could infuriate anyone else, but you just feel your knees buckle.  “C’mon, be an angel and let me down, yeah?  Can’t have you dropping me, though I know my charm is irresistible.”

Funny how just a spot of encouragement can bring out this side of him.  Even as you do as you’re told with a pat on the head and, “why, thank you” being cooed at you, you know this isn’t the end of this.

Chilchuck will make sure you never forget how his words make you feel.

[riddlemearose]

hello i have come to ask more about wild with magic he cant controll

i love that hc so much and it fits him so well! like no one taught him bc hyrule was mostly empty, and he wouldnt even know he had it himself because why would he! its genius!

Sure, I’m happy to info-dump lmao.

I know other people have already come up with the "Wild has magic" headcanon about botw before, but for me it honestly started as a series of jokes with a friend. Basically it made sense to me since all the other Champions’ abilities are either outwardly shown to be magic like with Mipha and Urbosa, or at least implied to be, as in the case of Daruk’s magic being hereditary, and Revali’s being something no other Rito has managed to achieve.

So we were both like “oh yeah, he’s got to have magic” *cue shitposts and memes*

There’s minor evidence to support its existence in botw; Teba says to Wild “it was as if time stopped with every arrow you let fly”, and Daruk’s Training Journal mentions that Link once told him that it feels like time slows down when he focuses. Some people take this to mean Wild has really good reflexes and others went with magic. I’m in the ‘Wild has magic’ camp bc someone did the math and worked out he’s like… almost moving at super-sonic speeds when he closes the distance to start a flurry rush.

The reason I say he can’t really control it is bc the only time he’s ever shown being able to do so is to enter and exit bullet time. That’s literally it. If you dodge at the right moment, even if you don’t want to flurry rush, it’ll still trigger and give you the opening to perform one (which ends after like 1-2 seconds of inaction). Wild also doesn’t have a magic meter like some other Links do; he uses his stamina. He’s literally brute-forcing his way through his magic (which, side note, Urbosa must’ve hated watching). And, to build off that last sentence, this means that Wild probably doesn’t have a lot of magic, but he does recover it incredibly fast – especially compared to the others who have to use potions. More on this last part in a moment.

It’s true that no one was there to teach him per se, but I think it’s a tad more complicated than that bc botw has an odd thing where it shows a lot of magic users (at least as far as I understand when compared to other games) but doesn't go into detail, which is fair given the Calamity. This means we don't really have a concept of how prevalent magic usage is in the grand scheme of things.

Looking at the series in a whole, for hylians/humans magic is largely limited to the Royal Family (specifically the women of the Royal Family), and they seem to mostly wield light and divine magic, very different from time magic. (The Ocarina of Time is there, but that’s an heirloom and not severely limited with its function based on whether its user has royal blood or not.)

And given how the Sheikah have been treated in botw's Hyrule's history, as they are the only other hylians aside from Flora and Wild who are shown using magic, I'm guessing it's not a skill you want to encourage, and innate magic users, even if they weren't Sheikah, were probably affected by the roll-on effect of the genocide for a very long time. This would create a long, deep-set history of missing knowledge that eventually affects the present.

If you ignore the potential loss of magic teaching, honestly I would assume it’s still hard to teach someone magic when you don’t share that particular type bc it probably requires knowledge that you don't have in regards to how it flows and can be controlled in order to be used. I do very genuinely believe Wild knew that he had magic before he died tho, bc I think Urbosa would’ve told him. It was the only time she ever heard him speak and the convo went something like Urbosa: you have magic. You just did magic. Link: nuh-uh Urbosa: FYM NUH-UH

This lack of training and general knowledge of how magic works is what I partially attribute to his weapons breaking as fast as they do. Attunement doesn’t actually exist obviously, but in fantasy worlds where it’s a part of the magic system, it’s a conscious step. It’s only seems to become an involuntary one when the person attuning the item has a lot of experience with the field that item is used in.

What I mean by that is Wild’s obviously never learnt actual theory (and it might be too late to fix the groundwork he's already laid), so he’s only ever been able to make his magic work in conjunction with the one thing he’s already being trained to do: weapon-fighting.

This is why he has flurry rushes, bullet time, and his fast recharge time. His magic manifests alongside his physical capabilities (so it will recover just as fast as his stamina does) and is attuned to flow through physical objects that simply aren't designed to withstand prolonged exposure to it (so his weapons, bows and shields will degrade and break faster).

I do believe his magic is something he has the ability to train (take the change to how bullet time uses stamina between botw and totk for example), and I personally like to write him getting a one-hit-swing second of slowed down time whenever he parries, but I think these ‘upgrades’ would honestly just come from fighting more and pushing himself in those situations, not from learning basic magic principles lmao.

And honestly, Wild’s magic is just really funny to me bc it has shenanigan potential that’s really only limited by your own creativity and his stamina wheel.

I say that because part of this magic headcanon actually grew from a post-totk headcanon where I whole-heartedly believe that Wild and Flora end up sharing the Sage of Time title, since there’s one extra Secret Stone floating around and they both specialise in different types of time magic. The joke w/ my friend has now become “well, if Wild can’t even willingly activate his magic unless highly specific circumstances are met, wtf is going to happen when it's amplified?"

Answer: he has literally no idea what he’s doing. He has accidentally slowed time on several pots/ladles/plates/etc that got knocked over, mistakenly frozen a yiga sword which yanked it straight out of the yiga’s hand – he meant to freeze the yiga whoops – and intentionally managed to slow time on one (1) bokoblin (and has not managed to replicate that result since). … he’s getting there. Maybe.

(Additional follow up lore can be found in this reblog. Also adding this to prevent future confusion at my accidental vagueness on this: yes Wild knows he has magic.)

[katyspersonal]

Twin Princes are not even twins lol

Okay so I double-checked a couple of things, and seems like Lorian looking that much older than Lothric is not a shitpost but an intention!

王家の悲願、薪の王たる運命に生まれた彼は しかし病を抱え萎びた赤子であった

In Japanese text it rather says that he was born (so, conceived) specifically TO be thrown into a Fire, but was too frail for the whole way of becoming a champion and all! Like, instant "failure", as soon as he was born. It already made sense that only Ocelotte was an experiment and Lothric's royal family was upholding their authority by providing Lords of Cinder for a while, but good to see it confirmed that Lothric was not chosen to be Lord of Cinder just because but born for it

In this way, at the first glance, it might look like even partially lifting his curse is not a good thing? If he is too frail to become a Lord of Cinder, he should be allowed to just live his life, right? Maybe not! Seeing how Lorian cares about his brother, either 1) royal family would've just disposed of a failed Lord of Cinder upon infancy or 2) the failed and weak infant would've just died quickly. I think the latter is more likely... being conceived just to die should have ended badly sooner or later.

At the same time, it seems like Lorian shared the purpose of "being born just to be sacrificed" with Lothric upon partially taking his curse, but from timeline standpoint it is a bit wonky if he did so with the purpose of being thrown into a fire with him. Besides, if Lorian became "mute and crippled" after even partially accepting Lothric's curse, you dread to think how bad Lothric's state had to be before that.

Why would he grow alongside a critically disabled same-age brother all this time, grow up to become a great knight and make a name for himself, and only then get a bright idea to share the curse with his brother? Why allow him to just suffer for such a long time and then randomly have a change of a heart to abandon his legacy as a heir of the royal family and a knight? And how would royal family expect to make a champion out of a kid that could not even move at all? By that time it would be more sensible of Oceiros and Queen of Lothric to try to conceive a new, "successful" Lord of Cinder, instead of doing... what? urging their actual prince and hero to just abandon everything to """help""" his sickly brother to become a sacrifice by sharing this duty? It makes more sense that Lorian saw Lothric born too disabled to actually live his life, even if short due to plans to sacrifice him, and wished to allow him that experience.

Their Japanese title is also 双王子. 王子 stands for princes, and the symbol 双 doesn't necessarily mean twins. In fact, it simply means the two (of something or someone), or a pair (of something of someone)! A set of two things or living beings if you will. There is no meaning of twins as in biological relation!

Seeing that Lorian doing the thing bound their souls together, they are indeed a "pair", or a "set". In other words, their title in Japanese simply means:

[pastrydragon]

The BG3 Beef I wanna see shitpost

While I do love the idea of Tav/Astarion/Karlach/whoever getting more unique mean dialogue with Ulder Ravengard, especially when he has the audacity to take up space in your camp like that instead of someone cooler like Barcus or that one bullied hyena, I want very specific flavor text that you'd only get in the epilogue party if you pick a specific ending even more.

I think if you romance Wyll as Gale or Gale as Wyll and then you don't go to Avernus, I think it would be totally galaxy brain to have dialogue in the epilogue that reveals Ulder Ravengard and Morena Dekarios fucking DESPISE one another. Because they absolutely would.

We never get to meet Morena in game but you can tell from what Gale and Tara say about her and Gale's... Galeness that she is at least a part time passenger on the "Fuck you my child is fine" train. Her sweet little boy? Commit evil deeds? Never! There has obviously been a mistake. I mean she indulged that "Gale Of Waterdeep" nonsense and when Gale summoned a full on Tressym after being explicitly denied a kitten as a child, she just let him keep her. No repercussions.

And then her sweet boy brings home another sweet boy who is probably EXACTLY what she pictured Gale's partner should be like.(Because Wyll is the damn blueprint for "Guy you could bring home to mom") Wyll is ridiculously sweet to Gale, he's the perfect gentleman, he's very open to the idea of giving Morena the grandchildren she's been nagging Gale about in the very near future. Pinch her, she must be dreaming!

I cannot imagine her reacting to Wyll's backstory with any amount of empathy towards Ulder, obviously that man is a cruel psychopath to throw poor Wyll out like that after "a tiny misunderstanding" and Wyll is just too good of a son not to see it. Which is partially true, Wyll is definitely still in some kind of denial stage over what his father did but that's not the point of the post.

Then there's Ulder who probably thinks Gale is... Fine. He's not someone he ever would have pictured for Wyll. Gale is a babbling oddball, he has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and has only ever met the pointy end of a sword. But he can't say anything because Gale saved him, his son, and Bulder's gate, and a small army of tieflings, and apparently a bunch of mushroom people and blah blah more reasons he can never have the moral high ground blah. He's undeniably stuck with this fucking wizard, and his nightmare of a mother.

Morena firmly believes that since the Ravengard manor is technically Wyll's now, then it's also Gale's and thus is now hers as well. When I say she would walk through the doors like she owned the place I mean it very literally. Where did Ulder's old helmet display go? "They were rusty and it was ruining the wooden shelves, besides these enchanted swords go better with the new drapes we had to get, I don't know how you didn't notice how moth eaten they were getting." Everyday he wakes up and something about his own damn home has been changed to make it look more like a wizard tower. She doesn't even live here most of the time!

And it doesn't stop there, not at all. No this women has to make sure his son doesn't live there full time either. Every holiday and birthday she has to send Gale a letter about how much she misses him and you should visit so you can take a break from all that(Very important!) work and how she already has the venison just for Wyll.

And every time he's forced to interact with this harpy she looks at him with a sweet smile on her face, honey in her voice and the burning hatred of a thousand suns in her eyes then somehow managed to insult him five times in one sentence without ever explicitly insulting him. This women is a devil from Avernus sent to punish him for his sins and she's even won over the grandkids. Obviously that women is a manipulative psychopath for using her control over Gale to manipulate his son. Which, yeah Gale not being able to say no to his mom has contributed greatly to this and if Wyll knew what healthy boundaries looked like he probably wouldn't have put up with it but he doesn't so here we are.

Let these two be the Tom and Jerry style B plot to BG4 is what I'm saying.

[windyboi101]

Partially Venting but The Murder Drones fandom needs to remember:

N is not some soft innocent can-do-no-wrong puppyboy. He is just as efficient of a killer as his squadmates. He also didn't hesitate to decapitate what he thought was his 'mother' when she was about to kill Uzi.

Cyn is not just a 'silly' drone with funny quirks + an eldritch horror inside her programming. She is manipulative and cunning (albeit the line between Cyn and Solver is blurry for this) and knows how to get under peoples skin (in more ways then one).

Uzi is not just some angsty teen with no further character than 'edge'. She is a child who was raised by a grieving father and an outcast from her peers who seeks to find at least one person who cares about her.

J is not solely some corporate bootlicker. She is a suck-up because she is terrified of her 'boss', and her way of coping is to try and play along and hope her 'boss' keeps their word.

V is not only a hot-headed, psycho-diva, she is just as terrified as J but cares more about N than exclusively herself. Her facade is to try and keep N from causing more harm from learning the truth and to play along so her 'boss' won't murder them again.

I feel like the community, whether on purpose or just for shitposting, tends to forget these characters have a lot of depth to them and their actions, even if the show doesn't always make it clear.