#and she obviously just 'wants her gone'
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N2 Floyd in the first movie
Sad little man got himself captured :(
He also gets punched in the face, but that's neither here nor there lmao
Also sorry for not posting for a fat minute I've been busy XD
Bonus: What John and Branch be doing
RIP in pieces John Dory, you were a brave troll and will be missed
I've got some more doodles of them going through it in the first movie, maybe we will see them soon teehee .
#my art#trolls au#dreamworks trolls#trolls#trolls 3#trolls john dory#trolls floyd#trolls branch#trolls oc#n2 au#not the only one au#ye floyd is singing that song from DBH#its a good song#and he also cant hue shift cuz depression and stress#that little sketch of bridget was the first time ive drawn her#shes so freaking cute#she reminds me of my aunt#also someone seems to recognize floyds little angry face#i wonder why#hehe#i say having out the reason why in the picture#john and Branch are also going through it#cuz in the dream this originates from jd legit tried to throw hands with a whole ass bergen#and loses obviously but he tried and thats all that matters#branch is just losing brothers by the second#hes obvi gonna assume Floyds already dead and then JD is family guy death posing in front of him#but he still goes out to help poppy#cuz john asked and hes also in love with poppy so he wouldve gone eventually either way#and he doesnt want floyd to get left behind 🥺#like a certain green someone hehe
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Jaime thought back on the head he'd given to Pia. He could almost hear his little brother chuckle. Whatever became of giving women flowers? Tyrion might have asked. — Jaime IV
"He will bring a rose for you," her father promised her, but a rose was no good, a rose could not keep her safe. It was a sword she wanted. Oathkeeper. — Brienne VIII
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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went out to brunch for my friends birthday and nobody believed me when i said everyone at my workplace doesn't like me and wants me gone so now i'm laying in bed crying and like gaslighting myself about it. lol but the eggs benedict was great
#literally her mil said “ok but what are YOU doing or not doing to make them feel that way” ☠️ are you kidding me#like damn what if i am crazy and they actually don't hate me and want me gone. not a serious doubt though i know they do lmao#wait the group chat just reminded me they literally shit on me behind my back lmao i forgot about that completely blocked it out of my head#anyway they were like what are they actually doing to make you feel that way and i didn't really have a solid answer so i think they just#think i'm being lazy now but idk like what would you say high school bullies are “actually doing to you” if they're smart chances are theyre#probably not doing anything actionable it's just a bunch of psychological torment#i mean obviously there are plenty of physically violent bullies as well but you know the type i mean#like idk man they don't treat me like a person. what do you want me to say#actually they probably don't just think i'm lazy they probably think i'm too mentally ill and overly sensitive to be believed also. whatever#literally everyone else i've talked to about this (which it must be said is not very many people because i have barely any friends)#has affirmed that they're being deranged and evil to me specifically. which is comforting#but it doesn't help the actual situation of course i have to get my own ass out of that and i'm scared#was looking at a bank job thinking that might be fine and what did the first review on indeed say but “toxic workplace environment”#LIKE.#the mil (who you might remember from “the covid vaccine causes cancer” etc) asked how my room was and i was like ehh and she goes#“oh come on you must have something good to report!” and i was like well 😀 i don't#i didn't say that though i said well the cat's great! and she was like “oh i forgot about the cat” ☠️#i need to be put down like a ranch horse w a broken leg which is to say shot in the head outside somewhere and promptly buried in the dirt#me
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if hotd really wanted to make my year they'd have just made eliot alys
put a long wavy wig and some mascara on him and we're off to the fucking races
#you don't understand how badly i need aemond's guilt and horror at having lost control and kicked this whole thing off#to split WIDE open in front of alys and ONLY ALYS because she's a fucking strong and his psychosexual obsession has gone simply Too Far#again: this is not even necessarily in a lucemond way! just like. he thinks he'll get some satisfaction out of dominating ANOTHER strong#except for how he didn't actually. mean to. except for how he lost control of the thing that makes him strong [lel]#which means he's still that WEAK LITTLE BOY GETTING MADE FUN OF BY HIS FAMILY. because he doesn't actually CONTROL vhagar's power.#he's as along for the ride as he's ever been. and alys should take him for one too.#i want her to fuck with his head so bad and it's not gonna happen on an hbo show but I WANTS IT.#kara watches hotd#...eta but like also in a lucemond way too obviously. You Know.
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in Washington I had a friend who was a year older than me and who from the first time I saw her I was really struck by how attractive she was. like conventionally attractive and feminine in a way I’m usually not attracted to at all but when it was her I was because it was like enchanting ethereal beauty. and she had a lot of her identity wrapped up in how pretty she was and had a pretty big internet following based solely on thirst traps. and we were really really close friends for most of the time I lived there (she wasn’t a very good friend but that’s another story) and when I moved to California we kept in touch for a while and then shortly after her 30th birthday I tried to visit a different friend in Washington but through a series of whacky hijinx (my other friend was on meth lol) I ended up hanging out with her the whole time instead. and a lot of things happened that totally soured me on her as a person but one of them was she spent an inordinate amount of time sitting in front of her vanity trying to look pretty and she DID look pretty and I kept giving her genuine compliments but somehow everything I said made her feel worse about herself, like “omg your hair looks so pretty like that!” “yeah :( it always looks good until I move and then you can see how thin it is :(“ and then she would take about 10000 selfies and complain about how she looked in all of them and then make me take selfies with her and complain about how I looked but then also paradoxically complain that I looked better than her and then she’d post a selfie to instagram but a few hours later get upset that it only got 100 likes and take it down and cry about how she looks 30 now and men only like women who are under 30. and I remember looking at her sitting at her vanity asking me for reassurance she didn’t look 30 for the hundredth time because she never believed me when I said she didn’t and just having a moment where I saw her with new eyes and went….. oh my god you actually do look old and frail. you look like a sad old lady playing dress up. and since then that’s all that I saw when I looked at her and i can’t see the ethereal enchanting beauty I used to see even when I try and that’s a big part of why I’m such a believer in mindset affecting physical aging
#this post seems kinda bitchy so I want to say she also picked fights with me all weekend including about how to dress up bratz dolls#and talked an inordinate amount about how all women are petty backstabbing bitches who are bad friends and men are so much better#and I’d got her a really heartfelt and thoughtful present for her birthday and she liked it for 2 seconds and then spent the rest of the#weekend complaining that her other friend had got her a shitty present and it was obviously because she was jealous of how men liked#my friend so much better so she was purposely trying to sabotage her#couldn’t possibly just be that she sucked at gift giving#meanwhile one of my friends had just killed himself and another had gone missing for several days and no one had heard from her#and my friend knew that but she expected me to comfort her over this dumb shit
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🎤 so true. erins say more about why the majority of your crossclan relationships hinge on the female partner leaving her friends and family to join her husband's clan
#isn't it so interesting how when graystripe returns to thunderclan and abandons his kits in riverclan it's out of Admirable Loyalty#to fireheart#but every woman in the series needs to leave her family#and it's always conveniently because it's HER family that sucks#oh well dovewing doesn't have a better option for a mate in thunderclan and things are tense after the battle#so she'll be happier in shadowclan at tigerstar's side as the mother to his kits while he achieves his special destiny#and well sunbeam's mom is xenophobic and there's no reason she'd want to salvage her relationships with blazefire and lightleap#i have a fringewhisker and spireclaw fic brewing but isn't it interesting that in spite of spireclaw being in the same situation as sunbeam#it's STILL the female partner who switches clans to be with him. and her shitty mother-in-law lmao#shellfur absolutely should have gone to windclan to be with fernstripe#i don't think he'd want to stay in thunderclan after he fought on the side of the impostor in the battle that killed his brother stemleaf#stormfur was truly breaking the mould lmfao#it's just part of the implicit assumption baked into the series that the happy ending of a she-cat is kits and a mate#that's their destiny. the male characters obviously get those as accessories to their destiny.#anyway#i should have a tag for saltposting#ultimate guide 2.0#ivypool#dovewing
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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unpopular opinion the Maya models don’t look bad at all. But at the same time the only ones that look good to me are the ones in darker clothing, with darker skin, etc etc because YOU CANT TELL THERES NO FUCKING TEXTURING!!!!!!!!!
#rwde#also mostly talking about how the Maya models looked in v4-5 and somewhat 6 because#Wow the moment they put in that really chunky shading that looks ugly. IT LOOKED UGLY#characters like ilia looked good to me. no im not saying that cuz im her bff bestie forever friendship bracelet im genuine#adams design fucking sucked but I will not lie he looked good. and he looked fucking stellar in the short with his old design.#though again. that short had bloom lighting. and bloom lighting clutches all#they made his horns look like horns! yes we lost the mask texturing in the war but also WE GAVE HIS ASS ACTUAL HORN LOOKING HORNS!!!!!#ok enough stroking the only two characters I talk about on this account.#nora looked good! she wore bright colors yes but she also had that blacker jacket.#Ruby’s design also sucked but imo i feel it translated decently into Maya!#but then we get to v7 and you can noticeably tell stuff starts looking shitty outside of the backgrounds.#They smoothed out the girls faces. Will not lie it sometimes looks like they just copied Ruby’s base four times#and only editted the busy size or height to make the girls. The shading makes stuff look bad. The bloom lighting is gone.#Obviously I’m not wanting to blame the animators or modelers as they are for sure overworked to make this.#And as A 3D animator and modeler myself I do genuinely hope these people can be treated well.#But sadly just…. the models after v7 ain’t it for me
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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my roommate cut my hair for me tonight and at first i was (secretly) sad because it is wayyyyy too short but then i realized. i literally just got the 1989 chop. like this was all meant to happen this way
#nooo bc like 😭 it is NOT her fault. it is entirely my fault#i have curly hair (maybe i should start straightening it just to fully live out the aesthetic lmao) and i made the rookie mistake of showing#her where i wanted it to fall when it was DRY#and on top of that obviously when it comes to hair cutting everyone is always doing too much#but my friend is soooo cautious and gets anxious about these things so i honestly thought she wouldn’t do enough#and would kind of ask me while doing it in increments#like last time when i had my roommate cut my hair i couldn’t even tell that she did ANYTHING#but anyway yeah she definitely went shorter than where i pointed which already was faulty in the first place because i forgot how much it#would curl up#i mean i’m actually happy because it’s been frustrating me how absolutely tangled it’s been getting so that’s a relief#but i’m mostly sad because it’s about to be halloween#and i wanted my dead ends GONE for halloween because i am being barbie. who has notoriously perfect hair!#and they definitely are but i also lost all my length#like i’m trying to tell myself it’ll grow back soon but the last time my hair was this short was maybe like two years ago#and i’ve missed my long hair so bad it was finally starting to come back#but now it’s gone again and i have to start all over ☹️ and my barbie hairstyle options are severely limited#i will probably do braided pigtails#mine
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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#Um she told me she's in love with me and if anything happens to know I'm hot and she wants me#And then went into a lot of detail just repeating over and over the things she wants / fantasies about me incoherently#Which I'm sure means nothing right#I know this is complicated for her she hates being attracted to me but it is hard to have her be like this is bad when she says she wants m#I don't know what to do#personal#tbdeleted#Triggering for me yikes#messy messy messy#Honestly think she is just grieving so its latching onto me as a woman she can love in a safe way#And I am glad I can be that I guess like obviously she needs that and I want to keep her safe#But I know I can't and she even said it#Like I know she will go home and then be gone forever#I think I am already grieving her in a way#And she has hurt many people I love dearly#Hurt them in deeply upsetting triggering ways that aren't okay and don't make me feel safe#She really lacks understanding of consent and that hurts people but I know she does want me and i think if I tried to stop her I could#I shouldn't be in situations where I am unsure of that though but at the same time it's like if something happens it happens#Idk how much of this is my own issues and thinking I'm not deserving of safe respectful sex and intimacy and my own guilt for everything#And how much of it is her own issues and guilt and grief#But I know I can be safe and loving for her#And I do know there is genuine love there no matter what other factors there are#Anyways sorry if you read all that I am giving you the biggest forehead kisses#I just think about how different it might have been if I had *** **** *** ** *** *** ****** ** *****#I thought I couldn't cope if I had but how can I cope that I didnt#I should have *** *** *** when I could have#This is unrelated but its all tangled up and it's just been bad trauma day already#If I had **** * ****** **** if I had *** *** if I had **** ***** or#Anyways **** ***** ****** **
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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WARNING FOR ANIMAL DEATH/MUTILATION IN THE TAGS
I think I’ve figured out why it’s the stuff with my cats that gets me the most viscerally upset when it comes to my roommate and I think I need to tell him why that is… we had a talk and he apologized for a lot of stuff but I just feel like I need to explain why I react so intensely to him hating my cats/wanting me to get rid of them
#like there’s the obvious things I’ve said before that ANY pet owner would feel the same about obvious#but like. okay I love cats. I’ve loved cats my WHOLE life#not just cats but animals in general#animals were baby’s first special interest#and I grew up on a farm and I had usually at least 8 pets at a time growing up#that I got money for by doing odd jobs and you know as a child you can spend all your money on your hobbies#and I love animals so I had pets#specifically I always had at least 3-4 cars#*cats#my mom’s first husband hated cats… fucking DESPISED them#and he talked about hating them/getting rid of them all the time#and. well. when I ever did anything to really piss him off#(which you know as a nine year old could be something as simple as breathing too loudly or some shit)#he would kill them#that man killed probably like 20 cats#cuz even after I was old enough to process ‘don’t get more cats bad things will happen to them’#my mom would bring home cats cuz she ALSO loved and wanted cats#even when I would beg her not to because I knew they were going to die#she never cared because in that moment she wanted cats#and obviously this was awful and damaging#and now that I live on my own with my two cats who are my BABIES that I love and cherish#my roommate talking about hating them and wanting them gone….#yeah it’s uh. um. hitting some really specific nerves#obviously I do not think he would EVER EVER do something like that#because you know. he’s not an insane control freak who hates me and animals#it’s still hitting those nerves#and yeah I think I need to tell him that for us to start coming to an understanding#like i get you don’t LOVE my cats you don’t have to#but you can’t talk that way about them… or I’m going to get VERY upset and defensive#kaz rambles
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