#and she's aware of that but knows she doesn't quite understand the full extent of how it's viewed

[inexplicably-spookified]

diversity win! this witch is bi... lingual?

[pandemoniumonwheels]

I have a crazy theory about episode 7 of The Wheel of Time, but I need it to cope. Feel free to cope with me. Feel free to discard that too.

It was all Siuan's quick thinking and her masterplan. And Verin didn't lie.

To start we need to separate all Moiraine - Siuan meetings. There were three.

The first one, the cold one.

Moiraine demands answers and gets none. Siuan is visibly angry, but also worried. She outright calls Moiraine's stilling a violation. She is aware how hard it is, how dangerous, how difficult to survive. And she loves Moiraine, we know she does, she worries about her. She also has to check if Moiraine can continue their mission. At the same time she can't speak too freely, they're in Cairhien, the chances of someone listening to them are higher than chances of people not eavesropping on them. She needs to be careful. What Siuan says is: "The Tower's laws have stood for 3,000 years, it's time we obeyed them." She is quite vague about the laws she refers to. And she doesn't lie, they stood for 3000 years and every time is the time to obey them. According to the law. Moreover, it's a clear parallel to season 1, episode 6 Moiraine's words: "When have we ever followed the rules?" Since when Siuan who took a marriage vow in front of the whole chamber of Aes Sedai gives a damn about Tower's laws? Why would Siuan suddenly care? Well, she doesn't, it's just a phrase only Moiraine would understand, a code in case someone is listening. This scene is also the only one we see them being close, showing affection (Siuan's hand on Moiraine's cheek? I almost hear "pufferfish" in the way Moiraine relaxes). It's another sign to Moiraine, the non-verbal communication of Siuan's real intent. Then it fades to black. We don't really know what happened between them later. Siuan also talks about rowing together. Keep that in mind, because all that she does next contradicts that statement at the first glance.

The second scene - Rand

Siuan talks with Rand, a very weird conversation. Just a few seconds earlier we saw Lan reassuring Rand that Siuan is not a typical Aes Sedai. And what is Siuan doing? Talking about caging him. But also, she doesn't say she is planning to do it to him. Only that Tower laws require it. The idea is to have Rand as a warrior, not general. But Siuan never says it is hers idea. She shows him how powerless he is. Stresses how he needs to learn. How caging him would help with that? And then Moiraine comes in. Why? To be told (in front of Rand) how incompetent she is? Only to lock them later together, because why not suddenly imprison a banished Aes Sedai with the Dragon Reborn. It doesn't make sense. Unless it's a show created to convince Rand to trust Moiraine. Rand is afraid of the Tower, rightly so. He keeps pushing Moiraine away afraid she is trying to manipulate him, make him follow the path created for him by the White Tower, put a leash on him. Moiraine can't guide him if he sees her as an agent of the power he fears. That's why Siuan becomes exactly that - the White Tower Rand doesn't trust, an Aes Sedai carrying more about forcing him to obey rather than reaching his full potential, an image he hates. On the other side is Moiraine, taking his side, arguing with imprisonment. In comparison, she is extremely trustworthy. And it works. Rand finally confides in her, shares his plans, his brilliant idea of bringing Lanfear to the city(/s). That's when Moiraine's and Siuan's plan fails, one of the Forsaken is not something they wanted, but we'll get to it.

Bonus - Verin 007

We all assume that Verin lied because that's what Moiraine suggested. But did she really? Moiraine decided to trust her to some extent. Why wouldn't Siuan? The phrasing of the "order" was very careful, but maybe not because it was a lie, but as an attempt to allow Siuan to deny such order without suspicion. And to keep the pretence in front of Rand. It worked again.

The third meeting - the pain

It all went perfectly. The Dragon trusts Moiraine and takes her with him (finally) instead of running from her. Siuan is ready to proclaim him. She doesn't need him to do so. Him fulfilling the prophecy in Falme will only make her words more believable. Verin helped them escape, no one can trace this ploy back to Siuan. There is, however, one factor they couldn't expect. Lanfear. Maybe her appearing changed Siuan's mind about letting Rand go? More likely she just Aes Selies about some boy and runs after Moiraine. And magically she finds her without any issue in front of the Waygate. How? Only Verin knew where the Waygate was, and where Moiraine would take Rand. You know where I'm going with it, right? So we get to the closing of the Waygate. Because suddenly it wasn't only about convincing Rand. They had to deal with one more, unexpected guest, and they didn't have time to discuss any tactics. Siuan had to make sure Lanfear didn't see Moiraine as a threat. She would never allow Rand to keep close someone who is working for the White Tower. The risk would be too great. Someone cast away, alone, someone who just lost their love, whose grief might be just enough to turn them to the Dark is, however, a very different thing. Siuan had to create a scene which could convince the very mistress of the dream world that Siuan and Moiraine do not work together anymore, and that Moiraine is no threat to Lanfear's plans. There was no time for planning, no time for explaining, for games. Lanfear was getting closer with every second and they wasted some of the precious time on "you lied to me" part. Side note, I do think Siuan actually believed she was lied to, and her shock was real. So was Moiraine's reassurance. But that's when Siuan came up with a way they could fool Lanfear. All she needed was Moiraine looking utterly broken and betrayed. And there was one way she could achieve that easily. By violating Moiraine more than even Ishamael did, by taking control over her in the most violent of ways, by making herself a villain. So she did. She used the only thing Moiraine never suspected could be used against her by Siuan - their love, their devotion, their secret, sweet, forbidden dream. Siuan broke both of their hearts. And when Lanfear came all she saw was shattered pieces of their love. For her that was what made her turn to the Dark, what's more convincing than a lost loved for Lanfear? Before she could think for too long, see through it, or before Moiraine could do anything, ask questions Siuan would not be able to answer, Siuan attacked. Possibly expecting that's the last thing she would do in her life. And it worked again. Lanfear let Moiraine live. Lanfear took Moiraine with her and Rand.

Siuan made herself a villain in front of Rand. And a betrayer in the eyes of Lanfear. She took that burden from Moiraine, so Moiraine could focus on helping Rand. She used every resource she had, she gave up everything she had. Because Moiraine isn't the only one that knows the right thing to do, no matter how hard that is. And her last plea was for forgiveness and nad of hope that Moiraine understands and continues their mission. As Moiraine herself said, guiding, protecting Rand is more important than Lan. It's more important than her. It's more important than any love. It was Siuan's time to give up everything to the cause. Just like Moiraine did at the Eye of the World.

__________

And it was longer than I expected. I think I will be adding more analysis to the certain scenes, words and looks. Because as I said, I do cope hard.

[inthefightgarden]

so umm i just finished mother of learning in like 5 days, and my brain is now full of wriggling squiggling worms. i'm also just starting a re-read with the audiobook and it is already giving me even more questions and ideas! so here i am to share my wormy burden ^_^

anyway, here's something chapter 1 started me thinking about...

do you think zorian's mother knows about their bloodline? (also her name is cikan. i had to look it up, so saying it here incase anyone else needed reminding)

we know that cikan really hated being associated with zorian's grandmother, but she was still immersed in witch culture at least somewhat in her home life. we don't really know how old she was when she first started to reject those practices, so it's hard to judge how much she would have learned before she went out of her way to avoid it, and we also just don't have enough context about the witches' traditions for raising their kids to make guesses about her knowlege level.

we do see later on in the series (what comes to mind is the confrontation in koth) that cikan doesn't have much knowlege about magic as zorian knows it (eg. what you can expect from certain spells used for travel), but given that the witches are an separate spellcasting tradition from the ikosians that doesn't necessarily tell us loads about what she might have picked up from her mother.

also, knowing you have a bloodline is pretty important information to have, so even with the antagonism you'd think zorian's grandmother would've at least made sure cikan knew about that... if SHE knew, anyway, cause that's also not something we can really take for granted is it? there are a few ways i can picture it being

option 1. most of what we see in the series is not typical from an empathy bloodline. archmage zorian is an outlier and should not be counted. and even daimen, the more "normal" natural mind mage is still a whole magical prodigy, which isn't exactly baseline for most people with empathy either. so yeah... zorian's grandmother may not have known that she had a empathy in her family in the first place.

option 2. we do hear (i don't remember when or who from. maybe one of the teachers? was it ilsa? idk) that empathy is a pretty common form of natural magical ability, and it's kind of a mild plot twist that it's a bloodline thing if i remember correctly. so even if zorian's grandmother knew about an empath in her family history she might not have known that meant it could pass down.

option 3. part of the reason in world that empathy isn't usually thought of as a bloodline thing (again, if i'm remembering right) is because it's so comparatively common, so it's entirely possible that empathy bloodlines (and possibly to a lesser extent bloodlines in general) are just quite common for witches to the extent that it's not really something that needs to be said explicitly, or at least wouldn't have been if cikan hadn't done so much to assimilate with the dominant culture and distance herself from witch tradition and knowlege

BUT, those options are thinking about the reasons cikan might NOT know about their bloodline... so again, does she know? even if she doesn't think of it as a bloodline she might be aware that her family has a history of empathy. so now for some thoughts on what the situation might be if she IS aware of the family history.

(note. i'm pretty damn sure cikan herself isn't an empath. zorian would be able to tell if she was "open", and she just doesn't have that understanding of how other people feel. but if you think otherwise, or just want to think about a "what if", i'd love to hear about it ^-^)

(oh and same goes for kiri and fortov)

cikan might know that there's a family history, but not really know what that means in practise. as i mentioned earlier she doesn't seem very knowlegable on magic, so she might not have any clue about the signs and how it typically presents.

she also might be in denial about the possibility that her kids inherited something like that from her, given what we've seen of how she thinks about her heritage. or she might have focused any concern about the possibility onto kirielle, who seems to be where much of her trauma goes, and not considered that the boys might get it. especially considering the witches' beliefs about sex and magical lineage.

but she also might know or suspect that zorian and/or daimen is an empath. which if nothing else is certainly the option with the most potential drama.

personally, i doubt she knows that daimen is an empath. he put a lot of work into hiding it, and i feel like it would probably affect how he sees him. given how much baggage she has about her witch heritage i just can't see that knowlege not somewhat tainting her golden boy, you know? like i know she's fine with him being a mage and really proud of his prodigy status, but i just can't envision her seeing empathy the same way, and i think it would come through in a slightly colder attitude to daimen. especially given the cultural stigma against mind magic when she's worked so hard to become socially acceptable.

but i'm just not sure whether she knows about zorian or not! on the one hand i could totally see her just being oblivious, in denial, not having the right context, whatever, but I can also kind of see the way she treats him (specifically in relation to him socialising and stuff), through the lense of knowing he's an empath.

like he straight up told her as a child that crowds caused him physical pain. he had tp stop going to church because it made him actually pass out! that is some pretty intense stuff to just ignore... we're never told that he saw a doctor or anything about this via his parents (as far as i remember, please let me know if i'm missimg something!) so did she have some idea about what was going on or was it just plain neglect?

and if she did have some understanding of the situation, how did that affect her behaviour? did she think if she ignored it he'd just adjust and never find out? did she just not want it to be associated with her family history if/when he did find out? did she think that if she forced him into triggering situations he'd eventually realise? or that he'd learn to control it subconciously? or did it just not matter how he felt as long as he was still functional when it came to his political use? did she hide it more out of personal shame, or a legitimate conviction that she was protecting him like with kiri?

like i said, i'm not sure what my headcannon is, but the topic fascinates me. as you can probably tell from how long and rambly this got. sorry ^_^'

but yeah, i'd love to hear what other people think!

[thequietkid-moonie]

"If something happens just know that i will always love you"

[ REACTION ] [ Yuki, Kurumi, Yuri ]

[ School life! / Gakkou Gurashi! ]

⚠️ This contain a little bit of spoilers in Yuki's part

Hehe after an eternity i FINALLY found the inspiration to write for this lovely girls, aaaand, of course, with a beautiful and angsty prompt, thinking on the canon situation!

Maybe one of these days I will write for them in a au without the whole zombie situation! It would be interesting too!

Yuki Takeya

Despite everything Yuki have always being cheerful and affectionate, she is living her happy school life at the best with her friends, and even when she became aware of the situation all of you were in she stayed quite optimistic, wanting to keep her hope for her friends

Its thanks that she has you and her new friends that she can keep going with a smile, aware or not having you around make her truly happy, what makes her keep smiling and is also what want to make you smile

This is a tricky situation, if you say this when she is still unawere, living her fantasy, she will not exactly understand the full meaning of your words, even so it will have a great impact on her, even if she doesn't get the true meaning since she is living in her fantasy of a normal life in her mind for her is like a heavy confesion of love, as if you were telling her that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, she will be way too flustered and blushy to answer and getting quite shy for a while, but at the end is something that make her really happy

However, if she is already aware of what happen it will have a great impact in the opposite way, now that she knows the real threaten that is around and that the posibility of losing you is real, hearing you say this is way too shocking for her, she has barely being able to deal with knowing what have truly happened and you saying this make her suddenly too aware again

After hearing your words Yuki will stare at you for a moment as her mind process your words before start to cry and throwing herself to your arms, crying her heart out and repeating over and over again how much she loves you and that she will always love you, all of this is too shocking for her that she can barely handle it

After calming down Yuki will look at you with determination, saying that she will always love you too but also that you have nothing to worry about since she will be here for you, now that she knows she will never let you carry this heavy burden alone again, now she can protect you too and will do everything in he power to do so, promising that you two will have a long and happy life together now that she can protect you (even when deep down she isn't sure if she will be able to keep that promise she wants to at least try)

Kurumi Ebisuzawa

Kurumi is more than aware of the situation all of you are trapped in, she is the one who is constantly checking the barricades and the shovel she carriles everywhere gives her a sense of security, is not much but at least she isn't completely defensless

Having you at her side, the person she loves, is quite comforting, after losing so much having someone so important at her side (along with her friends) is a great motivation to don't give up and keep fighting. Kurumi normally doesn't express it, or at least not out loud but she always make sure you know and never forget that

Hearing you say those words cause her to have mixed feelings, from one side she is touched by the meaning of your words, making her feel like all this fighting to survive is actually right, but for the other side it makes her painfuly aware of the true extent fo the threaten all of you have to face, you want to be ready for the worst and want her to know that no matter what happened the love you have for her is something will never change

It will depend in when you say it, if you two were having a moment to let the sorrow of your heart get out then Kurumi will let some tears fall, she doesn't want to lose you but in this situation it is a posibility, no matter how much she wants to protect you and keep you at her side nothing can fully assure your safety. In the other hand, if you say it while just hanging out Kurumi will just stare at you before laughing and trying to light up the mood, calling you sappy and saying things like nothing bad will happen in an attempt to easy her raising heart

But not matter what your words will be stuck in her mind forever, because if something happen she wants to remember you like this, lovely and sappy. Even so, it would be a lie if Kurumi denies that your words have affected her and make her fear, she is too anxious right now, she doesn't want to lose you, or worst, seeing you transform in one of those monsters, she knows she won't be able to face you, let alone, fight you if something like that happen

Kurumi will be quite anxious and wary for some time after you say this, wanting to be extra sure nothing bad happens, quietly showing you (and herself) that, at least for now, you are safe and with her

Yuri Wakasa

Yuri has become a pilar for all the sistem the girls have to be around the school, is mainly her who keeps the resources in check and knows when is time to go for more, is a quite dificult job since is a little stressing but Yuri feels this is her way to protect her friends and he lover, so she does it happily

Having you around is a great comfort for Yuri, she hates that all of you have to live now under this circumstances but is happy to know that you are safe and sound, and always has the time to make one or two jokes about the situation in hopes to light up the mood

Yuri is well aware of the situation and yet want to stay positive, for the sake of all (specially Yuki, if she can't accept the reality she doesn't want to be the one forcing her to see it, specially if all are safe right now), however, it will hit her really hard hearing you say those words

She doesn't like hearing you say something like that, it feels like a goodbye and she isn't ready to lose you, not you too, if you say it out of the blue or when you two have a moment to relax, maybe you two were thinking on the plan for the next days, in any case her reaction will be the same, stoping whatever is she doing to stare at you, stuck between the shock and sadness, she knows the situation is that bad and she knows is a risk, but she doesn't like the fact that you are assuring it will happen (or at least raising the possibility)

It will take her a moment to composed herself, calming down her raising heart before thanking you, she understand why do you say it and she appreciate what you are trying to say but please try to dont talk about it, she wants to stay as far as posible as that idea to keep the hope, even so after a while, once she finally manage to calm down she will say that she feels the same, no matter what happen she will always love you, and if you two get separate she will do everything that is in her power to get back to your side

However, if you say it before getting out to try to find more resources then Yuri won't take it too well, she is scare enough to heard you say those things, she looks at you feeling a little angry but after taking some deep breaths she will take you hand and say that is the same for her

The idea of losing you or any of her friends is too scary for her, she prefers to avoid thinking on it, but since your words stuck in her heart and mind Yuri prefers to think on them as the good meaning, as how you are telling her how much you love her

[astrangergivingthestrangewelcome]

Incoherent Renfield meta I guess???

So in terms of what Stoker wanted to convey, I don't think he was quite aware of the extent of awfulness and psychiatric abuse Seward was dealing out to Renfield (although you cannot convince me that he was unaware that Seward was a bit of a little freak like that's just characterization how could he have done such a thorough job of creating such a pathetic little man by accident)- however there definitely is this story of idk. growth that comes from compassion, and I wish I could hear from Stoker himself what he was going for with it.

We all want to root for Renfield bc god anyone that goes through Victorian lunatic asylum trauma you immediately want to see win- but when we do see Renfield use his limited agency to do things, they are often selfish and violent things. He very much does want to join the Count, and wants to gain that immortality and power that the Count has. I don't know that there's evidence Renfield wants to dominate the way the Count does but Renfield believes that blood will strengthen him and he for sure is all in on taking human life and feeding on human blood. He does attack Seward and also those guys who were moving the Count and I fully believe that he would have killed them if left to his own devices. He has no power and has been systemically abused... but he's also dangerous.

However, the more I examine his actions... why would he be anything other than selfish and dangerous. Who does he have in life that would cause him to bother with empathy? We know so little about who he was before being admitted. He almost killed two people in the course of this novel- but before that did he try anything violent or was it just the consuming animals thing that got him locked up? Did he have people he cared about? We just don't know.

What's interesting to me is he seems to be on this track of enthusiastically aiding and abetting the Count in his efforts to kill others (and the Count is for sure manipulating him and it's not an equal relationship, but I do think that Renfield understands that the Count does hurt and kill people, and accepts this at the beginning of the novel) but the moment Mina speaks to him and seems decent and kind he immediately has a fit of conscience. There's this implicit understanding "oh she will be hurt, I like her, she doesn't deserve to be hurt." It's more than just an immediate change though. He begs Seward to not let him be alone at night bc he knows that he's not going to be equal to resisting the temptation to let the Count in- and he's super not. And the Count may have been doing vampire mind powers on him, but I don't think that's the full story. The Count tempts him with life. and Renfield despite understanding that Mina is going to be hurt, still wants that life and that immortality enough to let him in. He has a developed dream and he has the desire to do right by Mina and they're at odds.

His ensuing conversation with Seward about souls is so interesting because it's this conflict put under a microscope. He is pleased and excited at the thought he's going to finally get to consume life and be immortal, and he's seemed to make the decision to just ignore the part of it he knows is wrong, but Seward presses the fuck out of the idea that every life he takes means that he is responsible for the soul of the organism as well and this just. Undoes Renfield. When treated like an adult Renfield is capable of engaging with morality and finding his own moral code of right and wrong, and this combined with the fact that he has a face for Mina in the way he never had a face for Lucy is what causes him to give up everything trying to right his mistake.

I think he could have gotten there much sooner than he did. But he lives in an asylum and the person he talks to the most is a doctor who is obsessed with studying him like a lab rat and who does not think about Renfield as a human being who might be able to function in society again after treatment. Isolated and friendless as Renfield was he could ignore the morality of his actions and pursue his own ends. The moment Mina treats him normally that worldview becomes untenable and he begins a slow days long process of accepting that he cannot go on helping the Count. It's a very thought out decision for him. He is giving up his life's work because he realized his life's work was wrong. That's a lot.

This seems like a cautionary tale to treat people like people honestly. Even when they have severe and rather unpleasant mental illnesses that make then kill and consume animals raw. In the end Renfield was perfectly capable of understanding that he didn't have the right to fuck with the lives of others to suit his own ends. He learned that lesson. I bet he could have learned that lesson without so much bloodshed if anyone had cared to reach out to him earlier.

[kushanna]

bullet points!!

is this (the story in general) a case of "all girls are like the rose bride"? all women are witches?

"for the wages of sin is death" i'm telling you this girl is an extreme type of catholic. human beato in her childhood used to go to church every sunday

something that's still not completely clear to me is if i'm to understand all magic as "metaphorical" and the final answer will be something 100% "real", or if magic is allowed to exist to some extent (which is what i'm leaning towards). that said, what if there IS something akin to a religious concept here? bear with me now cause there's a good chance i'm very wrong about all i'm about to say, but something like nausicaä's concept of the pure land maybe: you hear of the pure land all the time, but what if going to the pure land actually means dying, and after you die reaching this religious notion of a peaceful place? you only reach the golden land after you die. when battler refuses to go to the golden land, when he refuses to accept the golden witch, isn't he maybe refusing to accept this concept of what, not only in human terms, but in a human's way of living, can't exist, a place that's free of anything, a place that's "zero", as shannon put it? and if that's what it really is, can a place like this even be that good, a "zero" place? when he refuses the simple answer of magic, isn't he refusing to accept, in other terms, an illusion? and if she's the golden witch, then... i don't know what that means hahah, but i've wondered a couple of times now if beato isn't actually very much dead. i know we've been talking about kinzo "reviving" her since day one, but i don't think i ever took it literally…? and i feel kinda dumb now. why does the end of the epitaph say "to put the witch to sleep for all time"? whose idea was this? kinzo's? or is it her idea? is she in some sort of purgatory and isn't yet "sleeping peacefully"...? why insist on battler to accept her and go to the golden land...? aside from that, the concepts of "witch" and "gold" (also "furniture", i feel like there's more to it than i understand) are still quite muddled to me, but is the gold even any good? eva found it and her life was ruined. in any case, stuff like this is still very confusing:

we went from this:

to this:

what if no one is handing the letters to maria. what if she's actually in communication (in some alliance way, i don't know) with beato (who is dead) and is actually doing all that (letters, umbrella, etc) with full awareness and in agreement of what's going on.

putting it like this makes it sound like such a sick thing lmao. kinzo has these young women he orders around and they do whatever he tells them to, including murder, all of this to bring back this other young woman he's obsessed with. ... and it's also such an interesting perspective because while it tries to look at what happened also in a non-magical way, it doesn't deny the fact that a bunch of other people were there. i'm not saying i agree with it since as far as i'm aware there are only 18 people on the island, but i can't deny that "master kinzo suspiciously has a hoard of young women who obey him blindly" is a pretty fucked up thing. which leads me to:

i always understood kinzo's obsession as something romantic, possibly sexual, but now this... is a pretty fucked up thing, is something that's becoming quite scary. the dungeon, the bondage jokes between ronove, virgilia and gaal, "binding her in chains", something horrible happened here, yikes. but beato is such a freaky little shit that i can't tell the intensity of things, if that makes sense, when she tells them. fuck.

[annasmafroo]

OOOH!! 👎, 📚, and 🕐 for Mimir?

Thanks for the ask! 👎 Is there someone your OC can’t stand, despite them being on the same side or sharing basic values? As I said earlier on this blog, Mimir isn't particularly a person to hate someone, so I would say she doesn't consider anyone from her party or Crusade in general to be her rival or just someone she has negative feelings about. But I'll take this one as an opportunity to share Mimir's dynamic with Camellia because leaving this question just like that would be boring. (spoilers for Camellia ahead) Mimir, of course, finds out about Cam's deeds and, to be honest, she is terrified. Yet Mimir chooses to believe that she can help Camellia and that the spirit in her locket is actually the source of the problem, she can save her somehow from this. And when Camellia attacks her in Gwerm's mansion Mimir actually doesn't want to fight her at all at first, as she is still in denial. Even when Mimir realizes there probably was no evil spirit making Cam do all the evil things, she is still blaming herself she couldn't do anything to make a difference for Camellia. She knows the only way to stop Cam from hurting herself and others is to kill her and even then Mimir says that she's sorry before finally ending her. 📚 Your OC has to improvise a 10 minute lecture about a topic of their choosing. What do they chose? She'll give you highly detailed guide about cooking pumpkin soup. She is actually quite good at cooking and knows everything about choosing ripe and fresh ingredients at the market. Her absolute faaavorite dishes to cook are pumpkin soup and apple pie. 10 minutes is nothing, she's ready to exchange recipes and talk about cooking for literal hours. 🕐 Was there ever a time your OC would have given everything to turn back the clock 5 minutes? What happened? AH YES THE DARK QUESTIONS. It probably needs a trigger warning right there because stuff be really dark, no jokes. As stated in Mimir's bio, she and her older brother were born in a brothel, practically exposed to seeing all kinds of nasty shit happening in there. Mimir was too small to understand what was happening there at full extent (while Kiz was old enough to remember and realize the most of things which led him hating anything related to sex work as in his mind no one should be selling themselves) but when she grew older she started to realize things she experienced. When she was a child she witnessed two adults in the brothel having sex. They were fully aware a kid was in the same room but it didn't stop them. Mimir froze in fear just looking at them until her mother came and took her away from there. Paired up with hearing local women saying phrases like "Please your man or he'll leave you." it all created a very unhealthy perception of intimacy in her head. Being an adult she wishes she was not in that room back then. This one had quite an impact on her and Woljif's relationship. It was her first making advances to get intimate but not because she genuinely wanted to make love but because she was afraid he might leave her if they won't be doing it.

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

a rant

man y'all lead some real weird boring ivory tower lives with very little thought into your morality like very superficial morals really, i always knew the bl fandom was like that to more often than not the point of amorality with how easy they participate in certain dynamics supposedly in the name of fiction and romance, a conversation for another day like you ever think you could have more out of the text you're being given? cause man every damn time there's a bl with a dynamic of power that involves labor, consent is never part of the conversation, like is it even possible for palm to consent, is it even sth they can call part of the reality of the couple's love with how much the world is gonna try to tear palm and nuengdiao apart, like how does the commentary on labor escape the discussion of the messages of the series proper of what that means for two people to have to participate in said dynamics by force with one being less in the eyes of an empire than that of the king he protects... nor is it participant in the conversation what it means for a character to diminish themselves for the hierarchy of that empire which is maintained through the power money entails like ever, and being quite honest it's not isolated to bl using this kind of setting that this happens, years of romance exist before yaoi, where bl has its roots and which ofc simply borrows from straight romance things we still see in the feminization of one side of the couple but also a conversation for another day...

like, this all to say that i saw someone call nueng's mom a good mother in the tags man and i had a moment of why are stories never understood to be the sum of its parts rather than one isolated moment, and i really had to double check it was the actual never let me go tag because i don't think we're watching the same show people, i think you're showing how much you have sold yourselves to romanticizing capitalism and the hierarchies it creates to the extent you don't see or think about what it really means for palm to have to become subservient to someone else's literal life, to have to give up his life because another's is being held above his own, that palm knows that he will always be less than nueng whether nueng wants to accept the circumstances of their reality or not, and that nueng keeps wilfully ignoring it.

that this has been plotted by their parents together escapes you in its full magnitude like so much of what palm's dad does to palm flows from tanya, just because she's warm to nueng while she tells him that his life and worth are forever tied to an empire that has taken over the lands and livelihoods of thousands of people? it doesn't erase the weight of her entitlement, control, and thus her power, and that instead of creating trust in her own family, she decides to burn all bridges to isolate nuengdiao while also pronouncing the treatment of palm as a servant like i don't know where to fault the writers and where to fault the character because i believe a good dose of self awareness would serve either in trying to convince me and palm that his life is worth less than the money that is gonna be given to his father or to him before palm indeed has to die for nueng like if he turns i won't wonder why because idc there's no universe in which one life can be traded for some capitalist bitch's ambitions, this isn't even the mafia which entails cult like understanding as well of a rough world and trading one's life for some fucked up higher purpose, and like even there it's some sick shit to feed romance, like tbh the world has to justify it for me at least, but there the violence of what they have created justifies in some level laying one life for another person like the understanding of that higher purpose, but here for nueng and palm, here where money is so visible as the root of despair and separation.... palm doesn't get to have that fucking luxury, not in this story, he's falling for the charm of his charge, sadly, the romance is there for him baiting his very innocent understanding of life, how could it not bloom and be in him in such fucked up circumstances where nothing yields love for him, and yet, yet a part of him screams... servant... for he understands his degradation whether nueng sees it yet or not

SERVANT... one of the two in this sweet sweet sweet couple is dehumanizing himself in the performance of his labor AND the romance being joined together, his worth is tied to someone that sees him from the outside, but who chooses to obscure his eyes to who he really is, like again this is part of this supposed romance, palm's participating happily in his own dehumanization and somehow i'm meant to find the romance in how little control palm seems to have of his life and how much the creation of meaning is coming from nueng like it's insane how this commentary is there, the creation of a soulmate of a sick and twisted fairytale, and yet i do see some of you acting like the divine right of kings when it comes to nueng's position and his blindness towards that power, and just because tanya sells it with a warm smile and kind words doesn't make the destruction of land or the dehumanization of her workforce any less fucked up, tanya accepted her son, good for her, that should be the norm make no fucking mistake tho, but honestly let's go back to thinking into the fucking structure of the story, what choice does she has anyway i wonder???? when she has denied other families into her own, when she has denied her own family, so now even a tension now runs between chopper and nuengdiao over it, tanya is not a good mother, and honestly with the way the grayness of the show and jojo tichakorn's other works usually go....

i would just stop trying to categorize the characters as good or bad if you even believe there's such a way to see people in general, cause man live long enough to know you get the chances to be all, and like that's what gets me about fandom and stories like this, since for example where your eyes linger which clearly laid out freedom as the only means for this romance to work with a happy ending and not some romanticized worker abuse and people still preferred the power dynamic to thrive over getting to a moment in which both characters could consent freely in their meeting, and like i wish we actually got a better characterization for palm till this week when maggie stepped in finally to talk some sense into him because boy was he just reacting to everything only and he keeps falling for the beauty of his charge without caring for himself, like with all the messages of anti capitalism id expect a more critical view of the levels of the relationships and what their carefully crafted images present to us that's all like that's all im saying, my thoughts in the end but honestly i just don't believe tanya to be a good woman, she's just warm and kind in her life, but that hides how much she and her husband fucked up and are leaving an empire of shit to nuengdiao, i honestly hope he and palm get out, but most importantly i want nuengdiao to wake up to the fucked up amount of power he has, like for once i'd also like the writers to take this shit seriously if they're also gonna refer to real world politics...

[tolkien-feels]

Feanorian Week Day 2: Maglor

Same deal - just extremely casual headcanons for each prompt

Childhood

When Maglor is still a very young baby, he sees Nahar wearing bells and he's visibly fascinated by the concept. Very logically but also rather naively, Feanor crafts him a bell rattle the very next day - which is a terrible mistake in hindsight. Baby Maglor is in love with this rattle. If he's not asleep, he's either rattling it non-stop.... or wailing for someone to give him the rattle so he can rattle it non-stop. It's his favorite thing in the world, but at what cost. Can elves get headaches? Theoretically, no, but baby Maglor is doing his best to change that and I believe in him!

Music & Songs of Power

Maglor begins the write the Noldolante the very day they burn the ships. It's not called the Noldolante yet, and there are no words to go with the melody, but the unspeakable grief of having with his own hands helped burn his brother alive naturally turns into a melody as soon as he gets to his harp. What he plays is part lament and part shy attempts to comfort Amras - it's extremely personal, definitely no epic. Only much later, as Maglor begins to understand that what they have set in motion will bring pain to all Eldar, does he realize how the raw sorrow of his song is much more universal than he could've imagined. As the Noldolante begins to take shape, Maglor returns to that melody and tries to be as honest about the intermingling of grief, guilt, horror and necessary resilience as he can, and the Noldolante becomes famous not just for being a detailed and skilled account, but for ringing emotionally true.

Elrond & Elros

Maglor has no illusions Elrond and Elros will ever love him, nor does he set out to love them. He pities them, and does whatever he possibly can to soothe their pain in all ways he knows how, but he's not naive enough to miss how messed up the situation is. Of course, that changes over time, but he's so busy feeling guilty that he doesn't really realize the full extent of his love until he's leaving Elrond and Elros without a word to go cast the Silmaril into the sea and to get himself and his curse as far away from them as he can - and he finds himself laughing bitterly as he suddenly understands what madness drove Elwing to act as she did in the Kinslaying.

Kingship

Of all the high kings the Noldor ever have, Maglor is the coldest. He comes into power by fighting against every instinct he has to go save his brother, and after that? It would be disloyal to Maedhros to ever make a decision that isn't pure utilitarian pragmatism. He calculates the value of lives like it's an abstract exercise, and if every "not worth the risk" type of decision makes his heart ache, that's not something he shows in public. He pursues neither glory nor honor, and is as impartial as he's unpopular. In time, being heartless hardly bothers him at all. He learns to be unfeeling in a trial by fire, and he never quite manages to unlearn it afterwards, even though he desperately tries to.

Maglor's Gap

To say Glaurung's attack messes with Maglor's head is an understatement. He chose to defend the Gap, and he failed, and with the fall of his defenses, if Morgoth plays his cards right he'll be all but free to lay waste to all lands south of Himring, and it'll be Maglor's fault. Oh, and Caranthir is missing, presumably dead - the third of his brothers that Maglor abandons to fate. He's still Maglor, so he valiantly saves the few people he can, and he presents Maedhros with a full report of the situation, and frantically helps work out what measures should be taken. But once he can no longer find ways to channel his despair into keeping himself busy and useful, he emotionally crashes like he does few times in his life, and he never recovers from a deep-seated fear of dragons.

Redemption

The thing about writing songs listing all his worst mistakes is that it's made Maglor pretty aware of how right the Doom was - to evil end shall all things turn that they begin well. Maglor has always meant well. He's always done what he thought was the best course of action. And look where that got him. Look where that got his family, the Noldor, the Eldar, Arda. How can he even try to pursue redemption? His very attempt is doomed to fail and drag down with it whoever is around him. Every one of his actions is bound to an evil end. The closest thing to redemption that is available to him is to remove himself from the story altogether, to stay away from any person or place he can bring to ruin. That, or suicide, but Maglor knows better than most that death is a mercy, and he doesn't think he has quite earned that mercy yet, which is why he wanders and laments until he wastes away.

[greywindys]

Hi! As a gorillaz newbie, I really wanna say thank you so much for posting amazing/informative stuff! Your fics and posts feed me well.

I have a question tho, where did you get the idea that 2d cares about the public eye and considers himself as a heartthrob? (sorry if this sounds aggressive it's a genuine question) bc to me, who doesn't know much abt 2d's character other than seeing him in MVs and some interviews, 2d seems to live inside his own head and aren't quite aware of things happening around him. (It's not like I see him as a 'clueless baby cinnamon roll' tho, I think he's a lovable dude with generally empthy head lol.)

Just wanted to ask a professional to better understand 2d's character!

No problem, and thank you! This question also doesn't come across as aggressive at all. 2D has been cinnamon roll-ified, so it can be hard for newer fans to figure out that he was written as kind of a douchebag in earlier phases. TBH, I don't consider myself an expert on him by any stretch. I'm frustrated by his character on most days lately, and a lot of how I characterize him is how I think he could be based on the mixed, inconsistent canon we've received.

Anyhow, personally, I don't see him as a lovable dude with an empty head. That sounds very close to cinnamon roll to me. That's maybe half of who he is at most, imo.

So...heartthrob. Here is what 2D was doing between P1 and P2

Additionally - He’s said some less than kind things about women in ROTO - “Yeah she’s nice. I fancied her since Murdoc lent me his copy of the Wickerman. But her arse looks a lot smaller in real life.” (about Britt Eckland) and from a 2001 interview - “Christina’s (Aguilara) out straight away for looking like a man in drag. She looks like the singer of Twisted Sister or that other bloke Courtney Love. Urgh!!” 

...Very typical fuckboy stuff, overall. I could probably find more, but you get the idea, hopefully. Never forget he that he’s a rich, white guy.

As for his relationship with his image? He was pretty cocky and full of himself and all in all, enjoying his fame in ROTO. He's aware of his talent in P3. I don't think he's unaware of how much fans love him in general. I can't remember the exact source, but sometime in P4 he comments on fans throwing bras and such on stage at him...and he knows Murdoc is jealous of him over how popular he is. He's laughed about this, and teased Murdoc about it.

To me, it makes sense that this would make him feel superior to Murdoc to an extent, and that he would drink up the compliments. This is perhaps a little headcanon-y, but I kinda think of it like, he relies on fan approval because he never gets that sort of positive feedback from Murdoc...it's a superiority thing, but it's born out of his own insecurity on some level. Murdoc may not ever truly love him, but his fans do. I think 2D would be very sensitive to any changes in this dynamic because it's so tied to his self-esteem and what he feels entitled to aka fan sympathy. "I'm in this band with this asshole, I've suffered, but they'll always love me more, so I'll always have that to hold over him." Take that away, and it's like, wrong. He can't process it.

I’m trying not to make this excessively long, but if you have any other points you want clarified or expanded upon, just lmk! This is my start lmao.

[digitalmadness]

This is less of a question and more of a polite request but please share all your Mami and/or Amasawa thoughts and/or headcanons.

Q&A

❖

Mami:

➤ Mami always adored basketball. All because of the manga she read. While she knew she joined the team late and was aware how terrible her skills would be, she still wanted to join to show her interest in such things, only to be looked down on about her skills. It's already bad enough that she is getting bullied by her team, but to be judged by them with her skills as a basketball player made her doubt herself a little too much. Even with Yagami's reassuring words, she still has her doubts from time to time. Not as bad as it used to be.

➤ I love to think she polished her skills outside the team, playing on her own when no one is looking. There would be a few hours out of her day that she would go off and try to play. Just so she doesn't fall into being judged for her skills. Even if she did become on good terms with her team members, she still wanted to do this.

➤ I am taking what Yagami had said in that scene where Matsui apologized and applying full force, even after the game. The thing is, I am conflicted how on to write this, which I might push this conflict into this thought. Mami is conflicted with her feelings. On one hand, she shouldn't forgive Matsui and his friends for what they have done. She knew that their bullying left her with more doubts about herself. At the same time, they did apologized or I'm assuming everyone else apologized off-screen since we only saw Matsui apologized on-screen. And with them stepping in to stop another kid being bullied in the end, yeah, it is conflicting for Mami. I wouldn't say she is entirely on good terms with Matsui and his friends. Let alone entirely forgiven them for what has happened. Given her nature, I am sure she did manage to forgive them. Not 100% though. She only did so because they apologized and actually carried out with their changed behavior. Even then, she wants nothing to do with them. Despite their scene together at the end, I still believe she would rather not deal with them.

➤ I'm putting a bit of a twist to Mami. Much like how she took interest in basketball because of a manga she loved, she took interest in being a detective because of Yagami. He was - and probably still is, given he might visit the school due to his status to the clubs - there for her. He had given her reassuring words and helped her out in times of need when no one else did. I am still in debate if I wanted to make her quit the basketball team because she wants nothing to do with the team any longer and joined the MRC or continued to show up on the team because she's not going to back down from her interest.

Either way, I would say she is best friends with Amasawa. I like to think Amasawa heard about what's going on and saw how much Yagami helped Mami. So Amasawa would often visited Mami and befriended her. Their friendship blossomed to where they would be at each other's houses from time to time. Sleep-overs, studies together, etc. As far as we know, Amasawa doesn't have a best friend. As much as she could claim her brother as a best friend or Yagami, she would rather have a friend outside her family and advisor. Correction, the two has another best friend and that's Kotoko. The trio do understand each other's situations to an extent and all were helped by Yagami. With that common grounds, the trio became close friends.

➤ Mami actually lives with her father, but he isn't aware that she was being bullied. She didn't want to add more stress with him. He's a single father, raising up his only daughter. A hard-working one too. So, he's constantly at work, trying to provide for the two.

➤ Before everything that happened with Sawa, I would like to say Mami used to be close with her. Mainly because she had no one else to turn to. Plus, Sawa understands completely how Mami feels and her situations. After all, Sawa did witness this before. After hearing Sawa's death, Mami felt hollow. She couldn't process what happen. While she didn't show it on-screen exactly, she grieved for her teacher. She can't walk in and be delighted to see her teacher any longer.

Amasawa:

➤ Amasawa always held interest in anything mystery. It's why she joined the MRC. One of the things that driven her to do so is Sherlock. She enjoyed reading the book as well as anything to do with the character. So, yes, she would be often seen watching stuff or reading about Sherlock. Even going as far as reading anything mystery-related. And with Yagami as her advisor and an actual detective, she set her eyes on being a detective herself. If he's not around, she could be seen at Yokohama 99 with both Sugiura and Tsukumo. She may be a bit iffy on those two, but she will eventually warms up to them, especially Tsukumo. But imagine if he is the reason why she got into mangas. Between that and how Kento is, yeah, Tsukumo is getting the Amasawa siblings in the office all over him. Amasawa being the manga-reader / anime-watcher and Kento being the one to talk about games to Tsukumo.

➤ While not many do enjoy her presence, given she is always sticking her nose into other people's business, she is the detective of the school. Unofficial that is. While, yes, the school - or rather the students - can hire an actual detective, sometimes it's more fun to hire a potential detective, especially aiding in her skills as one. If it's an actual case that requires an actual detective, they will gladly do so. It comes in handy to have Yagami walking around the campus because he is in several clubs as well as having Amasawa be there to call him up. Not that anyone don't trust Yokohama 99. In fact, Amasawa will say call Y99 than call Yagami. If it is absolutely necessary, yes, she'll call him up.

➤ Amasawa actually wanted to join a sport team at one point but realized she's not the greatest at any sports. Gym was not her greatest class.

➤ I love to assume Amasawa knows who Ichiban is. Her being nosey would result in crossing paths with him at one point. For now, they only know who each other but nothing more. No friendship has blossomed. Not yet. I would love to imagine her meeting Adachi and having another detective buddy, despite him being old and being a former detective.

➤ No, I will not be taking any criticism, but Tesso will absolutely adore Amasawa. Anyone who Yagami takes under his wing is someone that Tesso gotta meet. Plus, both Tesso and Amasawa live in the same city and based off of my HC I mentioned earlier with Y99, there's no doubt she would cross paths with him. She may not be aware what he does but she knows something is off about him. She keeps being nosey yet getting no answers to her questions. Even if Amasawa would understand and not judge him based off of his position, he would rather spare her from such information.

➤ I might end up discussing this connection out with a friend since I asked her to pick up Okitegawa for me, but it is possible the two will end up becoming friends. I was telling my friend that there's no doubt that they would cross paths and befriend each other, even if Amasawa is Amasawa. The fact that Yagami is the advisor to both clubs as well as the final chapters of the school investigation substories. Yeah, they gotta be friends somehow, even if they don't always see eye to eye. More information will come soon once the discussion set sail.

[bootyyy-shaker9000]

Give Me A Chance

D.Danny x G-N! Reader [Oneshot]

Relationship: Pining - Romantic

Warnings: Slight Cursing, A Suggestive Joke, Fluff.

"Here ya' go, Big Mama!" Heaving five large worn-sacks of what you expected to contain Yokai goods, the three partners-in-crime grinned triumphantly. "Managed to loot them flashy broads from a few blocks down, slipped in and out no problem."

Big Mama's features gleamed in awe as she watched the rugged men stroll through her lobby, nearing towards her with her prize. "Oh, splendid! Well, I'm sure you are well aware of sorting your share."

From your positioning nearby Big Mama's grand table, you inspected them as they lugged three of the five bags of plunder onto a convenient marble surface.

Mickey bobbed his head in affirmation. "Sixty per cent on your end, Boss. Just like we promised ya'!"

"Formidable work, boys. I once again thank you for your service." The woman's gaze wandered, examining the stash as she wavered her hand over it all. "Now, I'll just have my assistant here take care of this while you fellas make yourself acquainted."

The mention of your given role had peaked your attention, giving the Mud Dogs a once over before making your way to the table. Big Mama placed a delicate hand on your shoulder, her mouth nearing towards your ear whispering: "Keep a close eye on them for me. Don't want their grubby fingers finding themselves somewhere they shouldn't."

Your eyes trailed up to Loathsome stretching out on a nearby settee with Malicious gawking at the fine art that scattered across the lobby's walls. While Dastardly - the only Mud Dog that had "conversed" with you on multiple occasions - perched his elbows on the tabletop's edge with body facing towards you, awaiting your arrival.

Your over-watch would basically be unnecessary when you already have the rat's eyes watching your every move. Not that you minded his attention (to an extent), you just had no idea what enjoyment he was getting out of it.

"Will do, Chief."

With that, Big Mama made her way out of the area with a rhythmic sway of her hips. While in turn, you stalked over to the pile of moolah you were set to examine, having to position yourself beside the dapper rat; who seemed all too eager to stay close.

"So uh," Dastardly adjusted his footing, tilting his head to get a better look at you. "How's work been holding up for ya' recently?"

You halted your inspection to take a subtle glance around, Danny taking note of it on the spot. "The coast is clear, doll, don't worry 'bout it."

He nodded reassuringly with his brow quirked before you dragged out a long inflated sigh. You flipped your back to the table, the small of your back resting on the table's edge as you mirrored the rat's laid-back stance.

"It freaking blows. Literally the most boring job known to pretty much anyone." You combed your fingers through the roots of your hair, giving your scalp a small rub in the process. "It's shocking how exhausting it is to do absolutely nothing, seriously. I'd rather be on my feet actually doing something, you know, like you guys. Being an errand boy or whatever."

"Errand boys?" An offended scoff was sent to you in return, the sound already making the corners of your lips turn up. "I'll have you know it takes a lotta skill and precision ta' do what we do half the time."

"Yeah and the other half you just spend it aimlessly goofing around."

"Meh, whatcha gonna do?"

You chuckled before lazily hoisting yourself up onto the counter, careful not to get an ass full of coins by avoiding the bags of loot. "Hey, I wasn't exactly saying it was a bad thing. It's gotta be fun at least."

With your body slumped, you held your position with your palms pressed to the marble surface. Peeking out from your downcast gaze, you caught a glimpse of Dastardly inching himself closer to your side. The left side of his hip rested on the slab as he dug his hands deep into his pockets, eyeing your form intently.

"Y'know... We could have some fun, just you and me."

Your head struck up in an instant. "Woah there, Casanova. Try to keep it in your pants, you're supposed to be a professional."

"Whaddya m-" His brows drew together in confusing before his cheeks tinted as the realisation dawned on him. "Oh! Oh, shi- no! Jeez, toots, I just meant 'fun' as in taking you outta' dinner or catch a show or somethin'."

A brazen grin made its way to his lips, his nostrils slightly flaring. "Unless that other offer is on the table then-"

"-It isn't."

"Well," Faltering only for a moment, his thin lips stretched back into a small smile but it didn't quite reach his dark eyes, "how about that date then?"

You just... Didn't understand.

"What makes you so interested in going out with me?" Your brow raised in question, tapping your index finger anxiously on the cold marble. "We've barely even talked."

Bashful, Dastardly brought a clammy hand up to rub the back of his neck, giving his tendons a slight message. "Heh, that’s kinda the reason why, toots. I can't figure you out."

The man let out a sigh before slumping back onto the edge of the table, crossing one ankle over the other as he shifted his weight.

"Usually, I can look at someone and read em on the spot, but you don't put too much of yourself out there. Every time I'm here you give me feelings I ain't totally sure on how to handle, but I sorta like it. I always wanna hang out with you and do stupid shit without the boys taggin' along, it doesn't even matter what we do!"

You winced as he got excitable the more he went on. "Danny..."

"Just hear me out, please." He set his hands out in front of him to figuratively set you on pause. "I wanna get to know ya, and a part of me thinks you wanna get to know me too. So, if you're willin', lemme take you out so we can get to know each other. Outside of all this."

Of course you wanted to get to know him. He was this mysterious guy in a striped suit that would waltz in and out of your workplace every week and actually take the time to notice you around. You couldn't help the curiosity that welled deep in your belly every time you caught him eyeing you from across the room.

You just couldn't wrap your head around the fact that he actually wanted to know who you were. Not just one of Big Mama's collaborators. Not just the associate that idled around wherever your boss lurked. Just you. You couldn't help but be fond of the man for wanting to do so.

Though you were still cautious of his intentions...

Huffing lightly, you replied. "So there are these guys that have been pestering Big Mama, right? They've been digging at her to pay up whatever expenditure she owed them, and obviously, she did. Holding up her end of the bargain as always."

"And this has somethin' to do with the date thing because...?"

"Lemme finish. But as you also know, that woman isn't one for letting someone give her such a hard time without 'semi-retaliating'..."

"I'm reckoning that's where the boys and I come in." The rat roughly adjusted the collar of his shirt, loosening the top button. "So doing this job is the only way I'm going to have a chance with you, huh?"

You couldn't help the nip of guilt that caught you. "See it as more of a test, Romeo."

Hopping off of the counter with ease, you manoeuvred yourself in front of the man, setting your hands on his lapels. You fixed his blazer with a slight pull while straightening it out in the process.

"Do this particularly important job, then I'll consider..." Your eyes reached up to meet Danny's, observing his pink-tinted features for a brief moment. "The date thing. Deal?"

Despite feeling grateful for the offer, he sounded slightly defeated. "Consider?"

Tugging gently on his lapels, you brought your mouth up to his ear, keeping your voice hushed. "It's a definite yes if you get your ass back here quick enough."

His ear flicked back as his dumbstruck eyes stared at you in what seemed to be a mixture of disbelief and excitement. Coughing out to compose himself, he turned away from your form to face the two Yokai that loitered across the room.

"Aye, boys! D'ya hear that? We got a job to do, move yer hides!" Danny ushered them to the exit with a vigorous waft of his arms, ignoring any annoyed protests.

Before leaving the building himself, the suited man pivoted on one heel to bid you a due, with a smug tip of his hat. "See you soon, sunshine."

In return, you gave a simple short wave of your hand goodbye. Though you couldn't help but reflect the flashy grin that he held onto your own features.

The realisation only just settling in, you sprung up to halt him from leaving the lobby. "Wait, Danny! I haven't even told you the job yet!"

Almost cartoonish, the Yokai poked his head back through the door way. "But I just- i just made a big deal with the leaving thing! And no- oh y'know what, I'll be back tomorrow!"

"Okay!" A hearty laugh escaped your lips as you watched him leave for the second time, leaving you desolate.

Maybe he's worth that chance.

[blackjackkent]

♥ and ☮ for your Sheps. :D

♥ - family headcanon

Jenna Shepard:

Jenna never knew her parents, or how she came to be living on the street separated from them; her earliest memories are of falling in with the Reds as a very young kid. Liara has asked several times if Jenna wants her to use her Broker contacts to determine who they were, but Jenna does not want to know; she feels it would only add complexity and pain to a life that is full enough of both already.

Unbeknownst to either of them, Miranda does know; during the Lazarus project she conducted private research using Jenna's genetic information to track down their exact identity in case it would have any bearing on reconstructing her. However, she has not divulged this to anyone.

Matty Shepard:

Matty's younger brother, Simon, is also in the Alliance Navy, and while lacking Matty's prestige and charisma, he shares his brother's attention to detail and ability to read and understand people. After the firing of the Crucible, during the painful few weeks when it is not certain whether Matty will live or die, Simon is the first to figure out that Ash's relationship with him is more than simply fellow officers, and he is a critical support to her during that period, as she doesn't want to reveal anything to his parents until it's certain Matty will survive.

Philip Shepard:

Philip's relationship with his mother has been strained and difficult for quite some time; she withdrew emotionally after his father died when he was a teenager and never fully reconnected, and for his part he has never fully reconciled (with himself or her) over how alone it left him feeling during that period of grief. However, there is still a part of him that is desperate for her approval, and the comm conversation that they have during the Citadel DLC, so soon before everything ends, fills a hole in his heart that he hadn't acknowledged was empty.

Tali comes back to the apartment and finds him sitting on the floor in full emotional catharsis, sobbing. ☮ - friendship headcanon

Jenna Shepard:

Jenna's friendship with Liara sneaks up on her. She and the asari start off on fairly bad terms, in fact - Jenna doesn't trust her much in ME1, and also finds her naive and young and is all too aware of the hero-worship crush Liara has on her. Their re-introduction in ME2, however, changes things.

Liara has grown, first of all - the two years that have passed have hardened and aged her, and Jenna respects that. But more to the point - she is glad to see Jenna, even when she would have plenty of reasons not to be, and is a face out of the past when everything seemed to make a lot more sense.

I think it's the moment during the skycar chase, when Liara comments "You're enjoying this!", that the friendship crystalizes for Jenna. She is enjoying herself, and is glad to see Liara, because Liara has earned her respect and her trust.

And once Jenna reaches that point with anyone, she never lets it go.

Matty Shepard:

Matty and Mordin are basically inseparable throughout much of ME2. When Matty isn't doing other work, or sleeping, he's very often in the lab talking about biology and chemistry and whatever other intellectual stimulation happens to be on Matty's mind at the time. He gets the sense that to a certain extent, Mordin is humoring him (Mordin's expertise after all goes far beyond Matty's own, which is mostly the product of extensive reading in various Alliance bunks over the past twenty years), but also that the salarian enjoys the conversations as much as he does.

Post-war, Matty and Mordin establish a biotechnology firm and work together to research and develop advanced prosthetics for war veterans.

Philip Shepard:

Philip is fascinated by Legion right from the start. The combination of machinery and sapient intelligence is something that he's always been curious about in the geth, and getting to experience it firsthand is incredible. But more than that, Legion's conversation and thought processes are always intriguing, always surprising, indicating a way of looking at the world that is far more than the sum of its parts, a collective consciousness and understanding.

What Legion thinks about him is always a little more vague. Does the geth have a concept of friendship? Certainly Legion always seems pleased to see him when he arrives, and follows up on threads from their earlier conversations. And when Philip enters the geth consensus and is surrounded by the minds and thoughts of all those consciousnesses, he feels a strange sensation of coming home, or being welcomed.

These interactions, these experiences, play a definite part in the eventual choice that he makes at the Crucible.

[parxdisepier]

Understanding/Character study: Heckyl

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Shelby was really important for Heckyl's redemption. And is something interesting regarding the narrative giving that she is the one who wised up to his scheme earlier than any other ranger. She was the one that supposed that the dark energem was the one factor in common. And of course, Shelby is the one that gives him a chance at first and then is the one that tries to make him stay and help them. It is nice to have the first character that suspected another one to be the first character to believe in that same character. Is almost like a full circle Heckyl is incredibly fake for most the season, he smiles a lot but it's not a happy smile, it's part of his act, pretending to be nice and in control. And when it drops completely is the only time he's being genuine (excluding his little smile when the rangers accept him, because it was very different from his look the rest of the time). His act falls apart when he's not in control of the situation, and reveals that he's not as untouched and unfeeling as he seemed, even if he's still not good.

☆ Bonuses ☆

About the whole explanation that he gave about doing all the stuff to restore Sentai 6, I call BS. ((As I understood it, he remembered about who he was and everything else once he saw Arcanon with the Dark Energem. Before that, it was Snide the one that seemed to have a notion about the energems as keys for something about them that was unknown. When he confronted Arcanon before the reveal it was because he was in his territory and then as a response to the threat of becoming someones' prisoner again... His planet had nothing to do with it. It was after he remembered that he started caring and that Snide commented on it, before that none seemed to care one bit or even have any knowledge)) For me it was his way to cope with his own actions once he recovered his memories. If he was honest about his motivations, he would not have problems trying to contact the Rangers or believing Shelby, but the fact is that he stayed in the middle of nowhere and became cynic to her words. Those two things are the ones that tell me that he didn't believe his own words and as we saw in the last aired episode he thinks of him as monster and a villain ( which again is good because, I do not like excuses that crap over the characterization and the story for an easy way out).

☆ Bonus 2.0 ☆

he has some very contradictory characterization too: he's manipulative and he's destroyed galaxies, but both Heckyl and Snide confirmed that Heckyl cared for his planet a lot, and Heckyl seems to still feel sad about it's destruction (which, since keeper knew about it, probably happened over 65 million years ago). While the other monsters seems to enjoy destruction, Heckyl is more apathetic towards it, like it's part of his job but not a hobby. He doesn't hesitate or feel bad about it, but unlike baddusa (?) I doubt he destroyed galaxies just for fun. And yet we know it was Heckyl who did it, and not Snide, since the others didn't seem to know about Snide at all. So I'm thinking he was telling the truth to an extent when he said everything he did was to restore his planet, like going through galaxies tearing them apart to find some power that could help, until his original motive and personality (and morals) were so warped that he became who he was when he was captured by Sledge, and at that point was really just after power and control.

on the fact that he is no longer who he was in the past and that he is still finding his footing. I believe he takes Shelby's opinion on account because she is the one that unmasked him, but is reactionary towards the others because they come from a place of necessity and not knowledge. I don't think he sees actions as futile per se, but knows that they can be and knows how wrong things can turn. On that note, it is good for the characterization to have the character actually having to deal with his actions and taking responsibility.

Heckyl was still reeling from the regaining of his memories, so it would make sense for him to lie to himself (like he does with everyone else) about his true nature. I do think that he knew his planet was destroyed before knowing how it happened though (unless Arcanon gave him a lift off the planet?) because he would remember leaving it, right? Or maybe all his memories up until that point were erased, which I hadn't really considered. I also got the feeling that they had argued about sentai 6 before when snide said "i never cared for your precious sentai 6". I don't know, it just sounded like an old argument. (and another thing about him and shelby, when she said he had changed he looked honestly contemplative. hesitant, but like he was considering it. but when the others agreed he instantly became defensive and went back to his "i don't care about your problems" act, which is pretty funny when you think about the fact that he chose to have his last meal somewhere he knew they would be)

he is really fake. I suppose it has to do with the fact that people trust more a smile and cannot differentiate nice from good. Also, when he is not faking it he is quite serious and also a real cynic./ Completely agree, Shelby opinion does matter to him because she is the one person that saw through the act (the thing is not only that, but her willingness to set aside their differences and work together and even acknowledging his help must have been quite a factor)/ Also, yes, he is very temperamental and easy to upset if one thing does not go as planned (given the entire merged with Snide situation,with the constant fluctuation and fight for control it makes the whole ruined plans even worse)/ Well, yes, I said it before. HE was the one that destroyed those galaxies. And I will add, look at him when he kills, as you said he is apathetic (I guess after destroying galaxies the individuals are nothing to him)

Heckyl is incredibly fake for most the season, he smiles a lot but it's not a happy smile, it's part of his act, pretending to be nice and in control. And when it drops completely is the only time he's being genuine (excluding his little smile when the rangers accept him, because it was very different from his look the rest of the time). His act falls apart when he's not in control of the situation, and reveals that he's not as untouched and unfeeling as he seemed, even if he's still not good. I love that Shelby is the one who sees through him every time, and how much more Heckyl seems to value her opinion of him than the others.

Heckyl (and still having him be not excused for his actions) is in my opinion a better way to portray good and evil, that the (projected) ends don't justify the means. Just because he has a reason for what he does doesn't mean it's okay to do that. I also want to think that the dark energem wasn't 'possessing' him or making him do these things, which would also explain why Heckyl still considers himself a monster after the influence is gone. Because he doesn't feel any different, the Heckyl who "fought so hard to save his own planet" really is gone, but so is the one who destroyed.

he is really fake. I suppose it has to do with the fact that people trust more a smile and cannot differentiate nice from good. Also, when he is not faking it he is quite serious and also a real cynic./ Completely agree, Shelby opinion does matter to him because she is the one person that saw through the act (the thing is not only that, but her willingness to set aside their differences and work together and even acknowledging his help must have been quite a factor)/ Also, yes, he is very temperamental and easy to upset if one thing does not go as planned (given the entire merged with Snide situation,with the constant fluctuation and fight for control it makes the whole ruined plans even worse)/ Well, yes, I said it before. HE was the one that destroyed those galaxies. And I will add, look at him when he kills, as you said he is apathetic (I guess after destroying galaxies the individuals are nothing to him)

his way to cope with his own actions once he recovered his memories. If he was honest about his motivations, he would not have problems trying to contact the Rangers or believing Shelby, but the fact is that he stayed in the middle of nowhere and became cynic to her words. Those two things are the ones that tell me that he didn't believe his own words and as we saw in the last aired episode he thinks of him as monster and a villain.

the dark energem does create dark halves from something that is already there: Zenowing had just lost his teacher and had probably felt guilty over what happened to Sentai 6, as it was them the ones that hided the dark energem there without any protection. Heckyl was already most likely the sole survivor of Arcanon's attacks, was just wasting time trying to escape the later and most likely he knew it. In both cases you have survivors guilt and frustration.

Heckyl, shows complete cynicism once he is confronted with a similar situation given his experience he is aware that things can go south and just accepts it; it is not a pessimistic it is someone with experience.

Please give these two lovely comments that was by Mad F and DamnQuilty some likes and love for this.

↴↴Music video where the character study was from↴↴

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pWYaw1gOUyQ

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hey me again, I was wondering if I could request an imagine for Spencer Reid x reader, where during the time he is in prison she has a bad feeling that she can just not shake,and so she begs Hotch and Rossi to allow her to go undercover in order to keep an eye on him and ensure his safety, as a female prison guard but being an fbi agent it doesn't quite work and so her and the team device a plan to get him out asap and keep his spirits up- with a heart felt reunion between Spence and her

I’ve not seen most of Criminal Minds so Wiki was my friend in this one. There’s gonna be tons of legal inaccuracies in this so keep your feedback nice xp

Y/L/N = your last name.

wc: 909.

You knocked on the door of Hotch’s office, shifting your body weight from one foot to the other as you opened the door slowly, moving to stand just on the inside of his office.

���Y/L/N, what are you doing here? It’s late, you should be at home.”

“I know, but I,” You sighed heavily, checked the surroundings outside of Hotch’s office and then moved further in, shutting the door behind you. “I have a really bad feeling that I can’t shake.”

“What do you mean?” Hotch was frowning, his strong dark eyes watching you carefully. 

“Just profile me. I know we’re not supposed to, but I can’t explain it.”

Hotch weighed you carefully with his gaze. He saw the clenched fists, the way you kept shifting your weight, the way you were gnawing on your bottom lip, the slightly irregular rate of your breathing. He saw your slightly dishevelled appearance, the way your hair was tousled like you’d been running your hands through it… You looked ready to run.

“You have a bad feeling. About Reid.”

You nodded, grateful that Hotch understood. Even beyond the profiling, even beyond your relationship as team mates, even beyond protocol, Hotch understood. It was something you had always admired about the man, his ability to understand anything.

Hotch stood watching you a moment longer and then he picked up the phone in his office and phoned through to Rossi - this needed a second opinion. There had been something else in your gaze that Hotch was very unsure of, even with all of his experience. 

Rossi came through easily, his gaze calculating yet also calm, reassured.

“What are we thinking?”

“Y/L/N wants to go undercover to watch Reid. They have a really bad feeling they can’t shake.”

“How bad?”

“I asked Hotch to profile me.”

Rossi let out a low whistle, almost impressed. “Sounds like you gotta do it, Hotch.”

“I could go under as a female prison guard, get assigned to where he is. Keep an eye on him. There’s something really not right and I can’t eat, can’t sleep… I need to know he’s all right.”

With your gaze fixed to the floor, you missed a wincing Hotch slip a grinning, smug Rossi a twenty; they had placed bets on whether it’d be you or Reid to make the first move. This level of emotional uncertainty counted as the first move, in their books.

It was to be a tense few days in which you had to get trained up and situated.

o0o0o0

No matter how prepared one is, mistakes and accidents can occur and that’s how you ended up being outed as an FBI agent to a hall full of angry criminals and innocents that didn’t belong there.

For your safety (and Reid’s, to an extent), you were pulled out and once again left with nothing to do but wait around for his case to clear through the courts. After some tense months in which you continued to sleep and eat little (even if you wanted to, you just couldn’t), Hotch announced to the team that he had a surprise for everyone.

They were bringing Reid home.

Indeed, he walked through the double doors of the BAU with JJ and Garcia on either arm, both of them giving the other team members teary smiles. They still had to get his mum back, but there were agents travelling out there already. It was all set in stone now.

As the team welcomed him home, gave him hugs and smiles and made him feel like the hell of the last few months was beginning to drip away like the remnants of a very vivid nightmare, you lingered in the background, waiting your time impatiently. You had elected to go last, because once you had him with you, there was no going back. You were going to tell him there and then.

Finally, as the last person released Spencer, he turned to you, that glow still on his face. You could feel the eyes of several team members on your face and you resolutely ignored the way many of them clutched notes in their hands, ready to be exchanged based on the intensity of your reunion. Normally, you’d be embarrassed by being stared at but you were otherwise distracted.

“Y/N.” Spencer’s voice broke as the last part of your name slipped past his lips, and you were too emotional to say anything. You could only stride forward and wrap your arms around him, finally, after months of being apart. He felt thinner and underneath his suit you could feel the bulk of bandages. He had been beaten, you knew, and this only made the tears in your eyes pour hotter and faster, staining his suit with salt water.

You squeezed him as hard as you could, though you were painfully aware of the bandages.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You can squeeze.”

“It’ll hurt.”

“I don’t care.” To match his words, Spencer squeezed you, too, and you squealed and hugged him as hard as you could for several long seconds. 

You sighed happily. “I love you, Spencer. I love you, I love you.”

Boy Wonder froze, unsure, but then he gasped lowly and he seemed to hug you even harder than he did before. 

When at last you pulled away from each other, the team members dispersed now, Spencer leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“I love you, too.”

Criminal Minds: @sanity-is-overratedxp @missingaim @miyakokurono @hyoomintypo

[lunamanar]

dare I inquire how your opinion of Squall, Rinoa and/or Seifer might have changed due to recent external influence? :D

[PLEASE NOTE: There is ableist mental health language in this post. It was not intentional, and I do plan to edit/clarify it later. I have to go to work now, though, so for now, just be aware of one thing–people diagnose with sociopathy/psychopathy are NOT default dangerous/criminal/nonfunctional people. I don’t want to demonize that word, and while that wasn’t my aim in this, because I spoke in generalizations, that’s what ended up happening. I’m sorry, and I’ll do what I can to fix it as soon as I have time.]

If I’m right about who this is, you probably know darn well, haha. Sure, I’ll throw myself to the wolves bite, though. 

For the longest time I had a fairly static impression of Seifer, in particular. And, don’t get me wrong, I still love (and to an extent, prefer) my original interpretation. But it felt solid enough to me that I was fairly sure I’d have trouble viewing him any other way, and that way is…well, it makes any pairing with him extremely difficult, let’s say that. Nothing made sense to me about him being intimate with anyone, main cast or otherwise. 

That’s…changed, a lot, over the last year. It’s really hard for me to explain how, though, without first explaining what my perspective has been, ever since I first played the game. So, here is what I will do. I’mma hang myself out to dry by posting the entirety of an explanation I gave to @strane-stelle​ about a year ago in a private answer to her ask about Seifer. And then I will explain what changed.

So, below is the unaltered text I sent in answer to her ask last year:

Hrm. I flail and spit about Seifer in private discussions with friends because I feel very strongly about his character, but my perception is that I have a minority view on him, and I absolutely don’t want to start fights because I know a lot of people love Seifer and have ideas about him they’re very attached to. A lot of people like him, and there are a ton of different and popular “versions” of him floating around out there. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he is at once a very strong character while also having relatively little face time in the game, so we’re left to fill in a lot of blanks. There are many ways you can take the behavior he presents, just because there’s a dearth of detail explaining it. I don’t talk about him openly a lot because I think the way I see him tends to fly in the face of how the majority does. I was thinking of doing a similar essay as I did for Squall but the fact is I don’t think my take on Squall is actually that far from the norm, so that wasn’t a very risky post by comparison.

So I hope you don’t mind, I’m going to answer this privately because frankly I am afraid of people getting defensive at me. I’m probably overreacting, but I worry a lot about hurting people’s feelings or making them feel they need to displace my ideas to defend their own. That’s not the sort of environment I want to foster and the way I feel about this, I’m afraid my tone could be problematic in a public post.

I have no issues whatever with people viewing Seifer as a damaged but ultimately redeemable dreamer who fell prey to Ultimecia’s power and was led around by his nose before being dumped on FH’s front doorstep. Or some variation thereof that lets him have connections and relationships.

My interpretation of him, however–and the interpretation I’ve had since the beginning–doesn’t allow for that. The key point is that most people seem to assume Seifer even desires meaningful human connection of any kind; and honestly, just based on how I view his dialogue and his actions, I don’t think he does. I’m not sure he’s capable of it. Love and friendship isn’t really in the cards for him: no Quistis, no Zell, no Rinoa, no Squall, no nothing. Despite claiming a romantic dream, Seifer wouldn’t know romance if it ran him over.

My base assumption is this: I do not think Ultimecia was ever, at any point, actually controlling Seifer. Showing him what he wanted to see, yes, manipulating, sure, but beyond that–it was all him. Right down to torturing Squall, casting off his two loyalists the moment they didn’t serve his purposes, and throwing Rinoa to Adel. He wasn’t insane with sorceress-muck in his head. Everything he said, thought and did was his own.

He has all the earmarks of a textbook high-functioning psychopath. Not a stabbity homicidal maniac, but more simply a total absence of what we’d traditionally understand as empathy. In his world, everything is either about him, or it's in the way. Unless someone can further his personal glory, they’re irrelevant. That’s the context of every social interaction he has. He is the end, and everyone else, without exception, is the means.

He doesn't think about things this way. He doesn’t think, “I don’t care about other people, I’m just going to use them to get what I want.” In fact, he’s not conscious of his own disconnect at all. He’s too focused on his ambitions, the next immediate step toward his dream, too wrapped up his own sense of greatness to waste time with introspection.

His romantic (read: heroic, epic, magnificent) dream solidified for him at a very early age, triggered if not defined by that ridiculous movie Laguna starred in (you’ll note, Seifer holds Hyperion the same way Laguna handles the Shear Trigger he was given on set). Seifer continued to self-insert himself into that role, eating up any and all variants of that story, including the book he regularly stole checked out from the library. But it wasn’t the romance of the story that interested him, per se; it was the fantastic victory of the knight, and the way he was (ha) lionized for the purposes of the legend. Yes, he served his sorceress, but the way the story told it, she didn’t really get the glory.

His dream does evolve as he gets older, but its premise remains basically the same. He gauges the worth of everyone he meets by how they fit into this story of his. Ultimecia was the only person who fit into the part of the sorceress he would champion. It wasn’t so much respect for her that made him willing to follow her as it was the allure of finally living out his own personal epic. Ultimecia, for her part, could see the unquestioning devotion to this ideal in his mind, and so was able to pull his strings with ease, both because he was not difficult to persuade and she saw some of her own grandiosity in him. I think she was later disappointed, but I digress.

Throughout it all, Seifer truly believes himself to be “the good guy,” without possessing enough of a moral compass to have any idea what “good” might be. He’s the good guy because he’s the hero. He’s the hero because he’s the Sorceress Knight. He was part of the disciplinary committee because heroes lay down the law. Nearly everything Seifer does is in pursuit of/acting out this ideal. Anyone who gets in his way is ruthlessly plowed down. (If you want to follow, that’s fine, as long as you don’t get in the way.)

To that end, Seifer doesn’t see tormenting people who are smaller or weaker than him as bullying. Again, it’s not a conscious thought process, “I’m gonna fuck with this person because it’s fun,” so much as he needs to constantly reassert his dominance in every situation. For all his undying belief in his own greatness, he cannot brook any suggestion that he is not the center of attention. That doesn’t mean he’s seeking leadership, specifically, but he’s not going to let anyone else have the spotlight, either.

This in mind, the “rivalry” take on Seifer and Squall’s relationship is, by my estimation, a gross misunderstanding of the actual situation. Even other characters in the game are guilty of misunderstanding it, and I think it's very evident that this is the case. I think it’s supposed to be clear that they’re not getting it, and it annoys Squall quite a bit, though by now he’s kind of used to it.

From where Squall stands, Seifer is not a bully, or a rival; he’s a monolith. He exists for Squall to test himself against, and he’s a consistent enough challenge that their “fights” continuously benefit Squall in his ongoing pursuit of skill-improvement. In addition, Seifer’s general blindness to the feelings of other people helped to encourage Squall’s distance from his own emotions. Where Seifer was concerned, they were irrelevant, and for Squall, that was actually quite a comfortable arrangement.

On Seifer’s end, Squall is probably the closest thing to human connection that exists for him, and only because of the major character role he plays in Seifer’s epic. A combination of the regular attention Squall pays him and the fact he takes Seifer seriously and gives him his full effort when they face off, not to mention the fact Squall can keep up, make him the perfect “counterpart” figure. I don’t think it is any accident that it is Gilgamesh who interrupts their final fight in the game. If you are familiar with the original Epic of Gilgamesh, there are just so many parallels between Gilgamesh and Seifer, and, conversely, Squall and Enkidu, it’s hard to imagine it’s coincidence. This “companion in his travels” motif is the sort of role I think Seifer originally envisioned for Squall, and having internalized that, even though ultimately the story was still about Seifer, it made it very difficult–if not impossible–for him to write Squall off when things started going south.

At the beginning of the game, Squall and Seifer clearly have an understanding, and Seifer is, if not friendly with him, excited by the prospect of Squall accompanying him to glory (only in his shadow, of course). Later, we watch Seifer scramble to rewrite the terms of his story, recasting Squall in various roles across from him, from villainous black knight to leader of a corrupt establishment (at least that one was somewhat correct). To everyone on the outside looking in, Seifer seems like he must be bitter or jealous of Squall (“Mr. Leader” and “I’ll show you who’s the better man”), and misinterpret this as part of an ongoing rivalry, but in my view it’s more simple frustration born from the fact Seifer is losing, and Squall is always there to challenge him at the apex of his grand summit.

(Squall, for his part, is pretty done with Seifer by the end of the game, feeling more disappointment, disgust, and yes, hurt than any sort of need to one-up him. Although I would not for a second call Squall’s connection to Seifer affectionate, the fact remains that up until Ultimecia, Seifer was, for all his unpredictability, reliable and familiar and, perhaps most importantly, there.

Without an ounce of fondness between them, Squall had gotten used to Seifer, and that made this subsequent downward spiral just one more example of someone Squall had come to count on leaving him high and dry.)

As for Rinoa, she’s no different to Seifer than anyone else. His interest in her had more to do with the potential for heroics as a SeeD returning triumphantly to take up the Forest Owls’ noble cause. In the entire game, his only mention of their “relationship” is in Galbadia Garden, if you happen to have Rinoa in your party when you fight him, and even then, it seems more aimed to taunting her as an enemy. Rinoa, SeeD, even Fujin and Raijin–Seifer’s dream takes precedence over all.

[Note: the following was in direct response to a post that had been going around about the orphanage kids having pets, which I had to bow out from because Seifer came up in discussion.] For this reason, the idea of Seifer having a pet makes me physically ill; as a child he would know no better but to do things to the animal just to see what would happen and what kind of reaction he could illicit. It’s not even strictly his fault, but when that came up in the thread I had to bow out. I just can’t. He’d torture it to death, not really having a clue he was doing so. Case in point: I don’t think he even imagined that what he was doing to Squall as torturing him, in D-district. Seifer was playing his role, and when Squall pointed out the role he was playing was torturer, he left, because his answer to any proof he’s anything other than the hero is to stop paying attention. He can’t stand to hear anything about himself that doesn’t directly support his worthiness for the role of the Sorceress’s Knight.

That’s the tragedy, of course: in the end, the only thing remotely “knightly” about Seifer is how noble he is–that is, as Helium. He can’t bond with anything.

That’s my Seifer: The Noble Psychopath. It’s not how most people see him, I know, and it’s probably terribly unsatisfying for a lot of Seifer fans because an incapacity for human connection precludes any chance for real romance with anyone, but at least to me, it makes sense and presents very interesting setup for character growth.

…Now that I’ve pinioned myself. 

I think all of this is sound.I still hold pretty strongly that Seifer is borderline if not patently a sociopath…and let me be as clear as I possibly can be: I’m not saying he’s evil, “crazy,” or even malicious…when I use the word “sociopath” or “psychopath” here, I’m not at all precluding him from being a good guy. Yes, I know what the word sociopath means. I also know what it does not mean, and it doesn’t actually mean you become a horrible, cruel person. It means you have an emotional handicap. That handicap can facilitate behavior we’d call “evil,” but there is so much research at this point showing that it does not have to and I don’t think Seifer is doomed to it, in fact I think he has a unique character path towards avoiding it, post-game. And I love that about him. I will still write him that way, in any stories of my own.

However…since this above response, my perspective on what makes sense for Seifer has indeed broadened. I’ve been moved to think that there is another explanation for Seifer’s behavior in-game that doesn’t just involve Ultimecia controlling his mind and making him do things, although it does assume that she manipulates him quite heavily. Making him hallucinate, for one; in the Timber TV station, for instance, when Edea appears and begins speaking to him: who is he waving to? Not his former comrades, certainly. It’s the same motion he exhibits during the parade in Deling City, as if he can already see the adoration of the populace greeting him. 

And, okay, but just because she’s making him hallucinate doesn’t mean the sociopath theory isn’t still in play. You can hallucinate and still have zero human empathy.

But…but. The other aspect of his behavior that I had not considered in this light, was his spiral. Yes, I still think it makes sense for Seifer to show greater and greater levels of desperation, denialism and self-delusion because of a sheer inability to concede that he is anything other than the center of the meaningful universe. But, taken in the context of hallucinogenic magic, it’s also the behavior of an addict. And the suggestion given to me for his spiral that I found fascinating, was that the ‘fix’ he was looking for wasn’t just glory…it was whatever euphoria Ultimecia was feeding him. 

It was rather clear about halfway through the game, Ultimecia was rather…done with Seifer. She gave him one last task, to find the Lunatic Pandora, with the promise that she would provide him with “dreams” again. Hmm. Can you imagine, what sort of “dreams” those might be? Ultimecia oozes sultry seduction. And I kind of love how the idea of her literally drugging Seifer with magic…which would fit nicely as a cautionary theme with Guardian Forces and para-magic adversely affecting the minds of those who “use” them…changes the narrative. It turns his sociopathy into an addictive personality. Which also neatly explains a lot of his compulsive, thrill-seeking, seemingly careless behavior. 

And yeah, it also means, instead of him being incapable of human connection, he more than likely craves it. But he craves it his way and most people just…don’t have what he needs, frankly. Not to mention, he just doesn’t really have a taste for subtlety, and so actually approaching someone to ask for anything is…bleh. Not his style. And that isolates him, which makes him want to get more attention, to show off more, get louder. Do anything to make sure people see him. 

There are two people in the game who do see him, and take note. One is Rinoa. The other is Squall. Squall I’ve already explained. Rinoa has a bit less structure behind her connection with him, but the basic framework of a relationship is there (whether you believe it to be romantic or not, on which the game is pretty unclear, in my opinion). She and Seifer have a lot in common: they thing big. They often act before they think. They are human wrenches in eeeeveryone’s plans. They are dreamers, first and foremost, unbridled, and this very needful version of Seifer, those commonalities have great potential for connection, given a second chance. Meanwhile, Seifer and Squall have their History. They understand each other, and in an ideal situation, each serves a very important purpose for the other that cannot be replicated anywhere else. More than rivals, or even counterparts, in this scenario, they are brothers. 

Therefore…I see no reason you can’t write a redemption/addiction recovery story for Seifer that involves Squall, Rinoa, or even both as potential friendship or even romantic options. “Both” is the most complicated, and the most interesting, so I like it the best. I won’t tell you it’s my OT3. It’s…not. But I like it. I like it a lot, if you can write it and write it well (and I know at least one person who can, ho ho). 

This is actually an…oddly personal response for me, and the perspective one that’s important, I think, because this is the first day I have felt…semi-normal, after a long, hard week of detoxing from prescription pain meds. It sucked, haha. I’m glad to be rid of them, but god damn, sorry, that stuff is hard to ditch even when you’re taking it as prescribed. It makes me imagine just how messed up you could potentially get on either sorceress magic or heavy duty para-magic. Makes even more sense that there’s a class of para-magic that is simply called Forbidden. Not even because of its destructive effects, oh no…but because of its enhancing qualities. Could you imagine “para-magic detox”? Getting royally screwed up on Meteor and Death and Pain and Metldown and dear god Aura. Ultima? Apocolypse? That stuff’ll kill you, haha. 

If I assume Hyne’s touch is like the world’s purest magical high, it rewrites 80% of what I see in Seifer’s actions, and opens up a very different set of possibilities between him and the other characters, for me. 

That’s one of the reasons I’m here…the more perspectives I’m exposed to, the bigger this game’s universe becomes for me, and that’s so important to me. Coming across a game-changer like this is rare for me, but if I let my theories be the end-all-be-all, I will miss so many equally good ideas and I’ll have less, in the end, of this game to enjoy. 

That’s not to say that any of this has to sit well with you. You can think both these theories are full of it, and that’s fine, haha. But…that’s my answer, to your question, “Anonymous,” (and one older one). I hope that at least as an explanation, it suffices, if not a pair of theories you particularly like, yourself.