#and since the store bought ones need a lot more help I'm experimenting

[elexuscal]

So just over a year ago, I made a resolution to myself to get better at Fitness, since I was getting older and i knew if i didn't, the Consequences would begin to manifest. One problem? Historically i have always hated working out.

i knew there were two main reasons why: 1. lingering trauma from the usual Fat/Neurodivergent Kid Mistreated In PE Class Experience 2. oh my god it's so so so boring i would rather do anything more entertaining.

So. I'm not an expert, and i'm definitely not a professional fitness instructor, BUT i have genuinely come to not just tolerate but actually enjoy exercise this past year. So if these are any problems you personally have contended with, these strategies May Help.

One: Remove Barriers

a lot of flavours of neurodivergence struggle with switching between tasks and executive function generally, especially towards something you don't find fun. So first you gotta identify any barriers keeping you from exercising, and removing or mitigating them.

For me, a hurdle i recognised is that if I could not easily access the equipment, I was unlikely to use it. honestly if i couldn't see it i would probably forget it was there. So my first order of business was making a Work Out Zone. I unrolled my yoga mat and gave it a near-permanent place in my room. my weights came out of the closet and placed on a low shelf where i could easily access them, as did my resistance band. now they were always Right there.

I also realised something I detested was the general feeling of sweaty clothes, and in particular, having to change out of them. So Gross. so i started scheduling my work outs for in the the morning after breakfast or right before my nightly showers, aka: when I am changing in and out of my PJs. I'll do my routine (mostly) naked and not have to contend with the extra steps and laundry that sweaty clothes bring.

two: secondary entertainment

like i said: i found exercise very boring. and while i've gotten better over the past year, and can find it meditative, i still prefer having something else to catch my attention.

i used to like to put on video essays. but then i realised i was so often pausing my work outs because the particular video ended, or the pace got slow, or the topic turned to something dark and depressing out of nowhere and killed the vibe, so then i had to stop to find something else--

No. You need something that will keep you in the zone, and won't knock you out of it. I didn't used to listen to music much, but this year i took advantage of a Spotify subscription my sister gifted me (😔) and started just putting on upbeat rock, hip-hop, and pop mixes. it doesn't need to be my favouirte music ever it just needs to Keep Going.

i do find the loud, rhythmic music is really good for keeping my pace up, but if music doesn't do it for you, you might find audiobooks or autoplaying favourite old tv shows/sitcoms might scratch that itch.

Three: Find Other Motivators

Or, "if you can't make your own motivation, store bought is fine"

Gameification is really good here. You might be someone who'll benefit from a pedometer or step-counter app. I have a friend who swears by the Switch Ring-Fit, and I've also heard of folks who use games like Just Dance, Zombies, Run! and Beat Saber to rely on the sweet sweet endorphins generated by hitting a high score.

(BUT: do beware the dark side of gameification, which is the risk of demotivation if you don't hit your goals. For example, after doing GREAT on exceeding my step goal for a month, I got hit with COVID. For about a week and a half I was barely moving beyond the kitchen and back. My step counts plummeted, there was no way to edit the record out, and that made it harder to get back into the groove. Be mindful relying too much on gameification!)

Even outside of literal games, there are ways to scratch this itch. I used secondary objectives as a way to encourage me to keep up with my daily walks. Walking my roommate's dog when he was working long days is an obvious one, but we don't always have a furry friend at our disposal. Then I would rely on mini-challenges like, "pick up 10 cool rocks to paint", "fill this bag with wood for the fireplace", "take 10 pretty pictures", or "get to the corner store to get more milk".

And of course, consider team sports! Many folks I've talked to feel having set training/play times with a team that relies on them crucial to keep them on track!

Four: Don't Measure Success By Weight Loss

I know. I know. Easier said than done. It does not help that like 80% of workout resources online are going to mention this. but above all else, you must resist the beast. (and while not as dicey, measuring success by visible muscle gain can fall into a similar trap).

The biggest benefits to exercise are invisible. it improves cardiovascular health, brain function, tissue regeneration, immune system function, lung capacity, energy levels, literally our whole body. no matter what external changes your body does or doesn't go through, you're still going to be benefitting from exercise, and you do not want to get demotivated chasing unrealistic/irrelevant goals.

Instead, to track your progress, focus on questions like these:

How is exercise impacting my mood? Do I feel less stressed or anxious?

Am I sleeping better?

Is my balance improving?

Is my stamina increasing?

Am I becoming more flexible?

Can I lift/carry heavier weights?

Is my breath control improving?

Over the last year, I've seen marked improvements in all of these. My joints don't hurt as much; it's easier for me to to get up and move; I don't get winded as easily; I generally feel more relaxed and cheerful. Those are all amazing outcomes, and I hope that everyone on their own fitness journey can find the same joy there as I have.

[minisugakoobies]

Day 11 ❄️ KTH

Kinks: exhibitionism, shopping for gifts

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: holiday, fluff, smut, established relationship, non-Idol!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: swearing, kissing, exhibitionism, oral sex (m receiving), face-fucking, cum swallowing, both reader and Taehyung wear lingerie, mention of body image/self-esteem issues, these two are quite whipped for each other

Word Count: 2.5K

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary:  Upon discovering that you and your boyfriend are planning on buying each other the same gift, you decide to try it on together first

A/N: Typically, I try to keep my reader inserts as physically blank as possible. I'm not doing that here. I'm specifically writing this with a plus-size reader in mind.

This story started out just porn with the barest of plots and ended up soft & smutty. I hope you'll like it. 💜

Please don't be a silent reader 🥺 I'd love to know what you think! 💕

Day 10 ❄️ Kinkmas Masterlist ❄️ Day 12

Of all your boyfriend’s amazing traits, it’s Taehyung’s openness to trying something new that you love the most. It’s led to so many memorable experiences for the two of you. 

Shopping at the mall on the Saturday before Christmas is new to him, but it probably isn’t going to make that list, you think, staring at the bustling crowds crammed into the corridor between shops. But Taehyung let you drag him down here anyway, since you both need to finish checking off the items on your Christmas list. He sighs now beside you, watching the people flow by like a colorful stream of fish. 

With only one gift remaining on your list, you’re confident that this won’t take long. “Okay, how about we split up and meet back here in like an hour? Is that enough time?”

Taehyung nodded. “That’s more than enough. See you in an hour.” He presses a quick kiss to your cheek, and then he dives into the crowd, passersby parting to let him through. The crush is so thick that he disappears in seconds.

After a moment, you join the stream as well, moving quickly lest you be trampled by the other shoppers. The store you’re heading for isn’t far. It’s a place where you’ve bought a lot of little presents for yourself in the past. But you’re not buying something for yourself today. The last gift you need is Taehyung’s, and you’re pretty sure you’re going to find it here, at Euphoria, your favorite lingerie shop.

Strolling through the racks, you ponder what will make the perfect present for your boyfriend. Lingerie was never something you enjoyed before you met Taehyung. It always felt like it was meant for models, for those who fit into sample sizes, who showed off their bodies on Instagram and never felt self-conscious about the way they looked.

But Taehyung loves all of you, which he has demonstrated time and again, most effusively when the two of you are in the bedroom. His love has helped you embrace your curves, your rolls, all the soft bits you used to hate, used to hide under layers and layers of clothing. The more you’ve come to appreciate your own body, the more you’ve become comfortable with showing it off, and now you have an entire drawer filled with garments that make you feel like the sexiest woman in the world. Which, according to Taehyung, you are. 

But what should you buy today? You mentally flip through your collection, hoping to spark an idea. Taehyung loves it when you wear your bodystocking, so maybe something with fishnets or lace? But he also can’t keep his hands off you when you put on a satiny corset or a pair of silk panties, so maybe that would work?

It only takes another minute of browsing before you stumble across the perfect ensemble. Thankfully, the line isn’t very long, so a sales rep rings you up quickly, and you slip your arm through the straps of the little shopping bag they hand you. 

As you head towards the entrance, fully intending to spend the rest of the hour sitting on a quiet bench away from the crowds, a very cute bra hanging a few racks away catches your eye. Maybe now that you’ve finished shopping for others, you could treat yourself to something, too. 

But you’re not paying attention to others as you make a beeline for the bra, and as you swerve to the left, you run smack into another shopper. 

Your boyfriend.

Taehyung’s eyes widen as he realizes you’re the person he just bounced off of. “Hey, babe,” he drawls slowly, tucking his hands behind his back. You can see the end of a hanger sticking out, but can’t see what’s hanging from it. His eyes flick to the bag looped over your forearm. “Did you finish your shopping already?” 

“Mmmhmm,” you reply, craning your neck to try to see what he’s hiding, but he shifts, turning his body to keep it obscured. 

“That’s good. I’m, uh, I’m…” 

“Shopping for me?” 

You can practically hear Taehyung weighing his options as he thinks about his response. If he says yes, then the surprise is ruined. If he says no, then he’s going to have to explain why he’s in a lingerie shop to purchase a gift for someone other than his girlfriend. Maybe it’s the spirit of Christmas moving through you, but you decide to take pity on him. 

“You can stop trying to hide it, it’s okay,” you grin, reaching for his arm. “I wanna see what you picked out!”

“But - it won’t be a surprise,” he protests, slipping out of your grasp. 

Laughing, you cup his cheek. “Taehyung, I’m not a little kid, I don’t care about the surprise. I’m curious now, so let me see!” 

He caves. In his hand is a white lace teddy, the material soft under your fingertips as you take it from him.

“Well?” he asks after a moment. “Do you like it?” 

“I love it.” Biting your lip, you take a look around. The shop isn’t overcrowded but there are more than enough customers here to keep the sales reps busy at their registers. “I think I should try it on, though. Just to make sure you got the right size.” 

“Actually, I got your size fr-”

You press a single finger to his mouth. Taehyung raises a brow.

“I should try this on. And you should come help.” 

A slow smile spreads across Taehyung’s face. Taking his hand, you lead him towards the back of the store, where the dressing rooms are hidden down a hallway, and tug him directly into an empty room, locking the door behind you.

It’s a little cramped with the two of you in there, but there’s enough room for you to change. However, you don’t start pulling off your clothes just yet. Instead, you hand your shopping bag to him. 

“Uh, here. Merry Christmas.” 

Taehyung looks at the bag but doesn’t open it. “You want me to open this now? Do you want to try this on, too?” 

“Not quite.” He doesn’t move. “Just open it, will you?” 

Again he gives in, and reaches into the bag to pull out his present. He’s quiet, turning the items over in his hands as he stares at them. His silence makes you worry, and you wonder if you should explain. 

He looks up. “This is for me?”

“Yeah,” you confirm. When he falls silent again, you blurt out, “It’s okay if you don’t like it! I just thought maybe… since you like all the lace and silk I wear, how it feels against your skin… and you’re always trying new things, so I was thinking, maybe you’d like this.” The explanation feels weak, and you bite the inside of your cheek worriedly as he blinks at you. “But if you don’t like it, you don’t have t-”

“I like it.” His deep voice cuts through your rambling, loud and steady.

“You do?” 

Taehyung nods, the corner of his mouth lifting in a tiny smirk. “You’re right, I do like trying new things. But I should probably try it on to make sure it fits. That’s why you gave it to me now, right?” 

He takes your grin as a response, and wordlessly, the two of you turn your backs to one another. The mirror is on the wall facing the door, so as you face the left wall and Taehyung faces the right, neither of you can see one another as you start to disrobe. It’s a little awkward with both of you stripping in the small space, the occasional elbow or shoulder bumping against the other, but you both manage to put your gifts on quickly. 

“Ready?” 

There’s some shuffling behind you, and then Taehyung says, “Yes.” 

As you spin around, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. The teddy Taehyung picked out is so unlike the racy lingerie you own, all of which is meant to tease and tantalize. This garment is pretty more than it is sexy, with fine lace trailing over your curves in a deep-v plunging from your collarbones down to your navel. A silk ribbon ties it together halter-style over your shoulders, leaving your back bare down to where the teddy ends in a crotchless thong, and another ribbon ties at your waist. Small silk panels over your hips flutter as you turn. The whole effect is rather delicate and sweet. 

Taehyung’s eyes darken as he takes you in, but you barely notice his gaze, staring at the way his gift fits. Although the men’s section of the lingerie shop is small, you struck gold with your selection. The black lace and satin briefs are snug, sitting low on his hips. Attached garters wrap around his thick thighs, highlighting them perfectly as you’d dreamed they would. 

He clears his throat, and you force yourself to look away from the delicious sight to find him watching you with an expression of total adoration. “Baby, you’re so… you’re so beautiful.” 

Even after all this time together, he still flusters you. You shyly play with the satin, rolling the edge of the fabric through your fingers. “Thank you. This is really pretty, Tae. What made you choose it?”  

“I just saw it and pictured you wearing it and immediately knew you’d look amazing. And I was right.” He smiles, lightly tugging at the bow around your waist. “And maybe I liked the idea of getting to unwrap you on Christmas, like the gift you are.” 

“Okay, stop, you’re too sweet.” You roll your eyes and wave your hands, but you’re smiling. “Do you like your gift?” 

He runs his hands over the satin waistband of the briefs, humming thoughtfully as he examines himself in the mirror. “Yeah. I do.” His long fingers pluck at one of the straps around his thigh. “It’s not something I ever imagined wearing, but you know what? Maybe I should have. Because I look fucking hot.” He grins as you laugh, watching you through the mirror. “Look at us, babe. We’re hot.” 

The mirror tells no lies. As you stare at your reflections, admiring the view, you notice that Taehyung is getting hard, cock straining against the lace briefs. 

The two of you have been in the dressing room for a few minutes now, but there haven’t been any knocks, so you decide to press your luck.

“Do you know why I chose this set for you?” you ask Taehyung. 

He shakes his head.

Gently, you place your hands on the small swell of his tummy, just above the briefs. “Part of it is the material. I thought you’d like the way the lace felt on your cock.” Taehyung hisses as your fingers trail down, rubbing lightly over the fabric, stopping to cup his dick. “Does it feel good?” 

“Uh-huh,” he nods, watching your hand as it palms over his clothed erection. 

“But the other part…” Sliding your fingers under the garters, you hold on to his thighs as you kneel. He watches you with his mouth hanging open slightly, chest rising as he sucks in a deep breath. “The other part is, I wanted to find something that I knew would show off this body that I love so much.” He doesn’t say a word as you curl your fingers around the waistband of the briefs, tugging them down until his cock springs free. “You’re always celebrating my body, Tae. I thought it was way past time to return the favor.” 

“Baby,” he begins, but the kiss you press to the tip of his cock strangles whatever words he was about to say, turning them into a choked groan. 

“Can I celebrate you now?”

He groans as you gaze adoringly at him from your knees. “Fuck, baby, how can I say no?” 

“You can always say no, Tae.” You know what he means, just as he knows what you mean. You still want to hear him say it. 

“Go ahead, baby.” His smirk returns. “Celebrate me.” 

Gripping the base of his cock, you lean over the tip, spitting to coat it in saliva. Taehyung moans as you cover him in wetness, rolling your hand a few times to stroke as you spread, before you wrap your lips around his head, sucking lightly. 

“Shit,” he grunts, “I don’t know how quiet I can be. I’m already all worked up.” It’s a good reminder that you’re in public, which means that you probably shouldn’t take your time like you’d like to.

 “I better make this quick, then,” you reply, and then you take him into your mouth as far as you can without deep-throating him, bobbing back off long enough to wink up at him before doing it again.

Taehyung pushes his fist against his lips, trying hard to muffle the sounds he’s making as you pull out all the moves that you know will have him popping in no time. Swirling your tongue around his darkened head. Hollowing your cheeks as you swallow around him. Sucking the sensitive skin of his balls into your mouth as you jerk him off with your hand. 

When his hips start rutting forward of their own accord, you grab his hand and place it on your head, giving him the silent signal to fuck your face. It’s something you both enjoy, him using you and you being used. Tears prick your eyes as he pumps forcefully into your mouth, chasing his release.

“Fuck, baby, gonna cum,” he warns, head tipping back in ecstasy, and you hum, squeezing his thighs to let him know to keep going, and with a few more thrusts he comes undone on your tongue, flowing warm and salty down your throat. 

As soon as you’ve pulled off him, swallowing and wiping away tears, he gently lifts you to your feet, wrapping his arms around you to steal your breath with fervent kisses. After a minute, you push him away, giggling.

“Tae! I need air!” You pause as a pair of footsteps pass by the door. “Also, we should probably not stay here too much longer. We’ve been lucky so far that no one’s needed this room.” 

He nods. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” But instead of putting his clothes back on, he pulls you back in for another kiss, and you feel his fingers tracing along the crotchless opening. “I still need to pay for your gift, though.”

“That is true,” you muse, tipping your head with a wicked grin. “I guess you gotta unwrap me here first.” 

“Love you, baby,” he murmurs between kisses, as he loosens the knot at the back of your neck.

With a happy sigh, you whisper back, “Love you, too.” 

Masterlist ❄️ Find me on AO3 ❄️

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

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[sweetmonsooncos]

Making Kurama

ALRIGHTY LADS TIME FOR ANOTHER COSPLAY TUTORIAL 🥳

So making Kurama was one that was a rather spontaneous project as I had loads of yellow fabric leftover from another cosplay and I dyed my hair bright red so I didn't have to wear a wig. So naturally, the cosplay cogs began to turn and I got to making Kurama straight away!

The cosplay I went with was Kurama's Dark Tournament outfit - I thought this would be quite a challenging one to do and although it was a bit tricky to recreate, I managed to get a nice result on it!

So first thing I did was gather my fabric. This is the Velvet Touch Satin Fabric in Ochre from Pound Fabrics, which I previously had for my secret cosplay build. I nicknamed it the bastard fabric because working with it for the first time last year was an absolute NIGHTMARE 😂 Luckily, I've got more experience under my belt and I didn't want to waste all of the fabric I had leftover, so this was the main base for the yellow parts of the cosplay. I did end up having to purchase some more for the top half, but the majority of the fabric was from what I had.

Making the bottom skirt was really easy and I had a lot of fun sewing it - I bought some navy polycotton from my local fabric store to line with and was extremely pleased with the end result. @starleska can confirm how happy I was with the skirt when I sent them a video of me spinning around in it 😂

Next, I worked on the top and this was a very tricky one to do because of the way it's designed. I know the entire outfit is meant to work as one continuous piece, but I wanted the outfit to be detatchable to make it easier to get on and off. Because of this, drawing and cutting the fabric pieces was really difficult, but I managed to get it together nicely!

I also used Snap Fasteners for the first time to help get the cosplay on and off and I don't know why I haven't used these before. They are a GAMECHANGER. So much so, I went back and added them to some of my other cosplays 😂 But I put some fasteners on the corners of the top and also used them to connect the top piece to the skirt.

My final make for this build was Kurama's collar. I fumbled a little bit here as I didn't make it on the shirt since I struggled to get the top together to begin with. I decided to make it a seperate piece and I used some thin EVA foam to make the collar shape, then sew some yellow fabric for it to slot through. I then went in and outlined it with the navy fabric using superglue and this connects together with some velcro adhesive. I did end up redoing the collar and making it a bit thinner, as when I first tried it on it was a bit too bulky around my neck.

As for the rest of the cosplay, I wore a white long sleeved top I had in my wardrobe and some harem style pants that are actually for my Shinjuku Showdown Gojo! We stan having clothes to use for multiple cosplays in this house 👏 And for the hair, I just used my own hair for this one, but I bought a clip in fringe that I dyed. I have also recently bought some hair extensions as well which I'd like to incorperate into the cosplay too, I just need to figure out how I'm going to style it.

Another cosplay in the bag, and I'm really proud of this one 🌹

[leebrontide]

One thing about our new garden is that the soil is shit.

I am begging people not to rake up all their leaves in the fall and all their grass clippings in the summer. Every time you dispose of this organic "waste" you're taking the nutrients those plants pulled up out of the soil and throwing it away. Plus, you're destroying habitat for loads of important insects and fucking with the whole ecosystem.

The people who owned the house before us clearly raked and removed loads of leaves and clippings for the 30 years they lived in the house. The soil is practically sand. Just no nutrients left in it and very little ability to retain water.

People used to ask us why our soil in our old place was lovely rich nearly-black soil. The answer was that we didn't take our leaves up till mid April, after most insects didn't need them for hatching and hiding anymore, and they've broken down a fair amount of their nutrients into the soil. Then we'd mow up as much as possible and leave the chopped up leaves all over the lawn, to further break down and return the nutrients to the ground.

I've been looking for a rotatable compost bin for the new place, even though we're all small enough that rotating them can be sort of a pain in the ass.

But I'll confess that an ad-algorithm got me. I go on YouTube for 3 minutes, because my usual music streaming service was down and I do enjoy the "17th century villain" playlists on there, and I got an ad for an electric countertop composter.

This is not some kind of supported product placement on my part. The Lomi, which is the thing I saw an ad for, is a good $500 bought new, and I just flat out wasn't gonna do that.

But, I was curious enough to read some reviews, and then check craisglist. Lo and Behold, I found one for cheap, for sale from someone who bought and liked one, but also has an honest to god farm, and decided to go back to larger scale outdoor composting.

So, now we have a Lomi countertop composter.

You take the food waste from the day (our kiddo, Starling, eats a staggering amount of fruit, and a lot of eggs, so there's always shells, cores and peels and stuff laying around) and you put it in the bucket, and lock the lid, and push one button.

In two hours you have totally dry, totally broken down compost that smells almost like dry hay, ready to drop on the yard to put back in nutrients.

I'm a bit in love with it.

And, on top of that, it can break down dairy and meat. You shouldn't ever put cooked meat in your outdoor compost, because birds will try to forage it, and get cooked fat grease on their feathers, which they can't clean off and can lead to illness. They're not evolved to handle cooked meat. But this way the meat is all broken down and safe to put outside. Which means throwing less away, which is great.

I will say, we didn't put in the charcoal the first time, and it had the used up charcoal from the previous owner in there and THAT was a mistake. Made the whole house smell like sweet vinegar. Which could be worse, considering this is food rotting down, but it was terrible when it's too cold to even open a window.

You can get Lomi brand charcoal filters, but it's just little charcoal pellets, so I'll probably just buy some from the aquarium store when we run out. But this batch should last us several months.

The thing also came with Lomi "tablets". So far, we've used them. But I'm going to experiment with not using them at some point, since the webpage for the Lomi says you don't NEED them. They do genuinely add helpful bacteria and fungi to the soil, which is great, but I can buy soil improvers that can do that, much more economically, from my local urban farm supply in the spring. No branded little pellets required. Plus, with the lawn being under snow, and the processed compost having to go on top of the snow, I'm not sure how much of that bacteria would be surviving right now, anyways.

[rjmartin11]

I'm Aaron

Chapter Twelve

Pairing: Elvis & female!reader

Summary: You're a workaholic who decides to take a private mini vacation in Las Vegas. While there, you stumble into and befriend a handsome stranger at a bar. This handsome stranger is more than meets the eye. He wants to show you a great time... privately. It's an experience that you've never had before. You soon realize that you're in over your head, and your heart is falling fast.

Word Count: 5.1K

Warnings: The End... with some Smut!

Author's Notes: All great stories must come to an end, but at the end of things, there is a beginning of other things. To all you beautiful souls that have liked, followed, commented, and reposted my story. A big thanks to you! I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart. This is all for the love of E.P., that beautiful man with the gorgeous soul and amazing voice. I have one more story (Just One Kiss) to complete. After that... who knows. Thank y'all again!

✧❁❁✧✿✿✧❁❁✧❁❁✧✿✿✧❁❁✧

A month has passed since you last saw Elvis. You miss him dearly, but you know in your heart that you had to make the trip to Florida to see your parents.

In that month's time, you worked to save money up for the trip to Jacksonville and to Memphis. You put a month's notice in at your job. You even helped train your replacement. The law firm would have paid you more if you stayed, but you wanted to seek more opportunity. At least that's what you told them. You sold a lot of your household things you didn't need. You put your home on the market along with your furniture.

You were living out of your little nook until a suitable buyer purchased it. The little things you couldn't get rid of like your books and clothes you put in storage until the time was suitable to leave.

You went to a record store and bought one of Elvis' albums and a record player. You played it constantly, just so it felt like he was around you. You want to memorize every song. One song in particular made your heart soar. You heard him sing it in Vegas, but you came up with a plan and surprise for him when you'd see him in Memphis.

You wrote him three times a week. Talking about how you missed him, but not informing him of your plans. You kept your letters romantic and always ended them with "I love you."

You stand on the beach, letting the waves kiss your feet as you walk up the shoreline of Jacksonville Beach. The sun is just right in the afternoon sky, and you indulge in the rays as they touch your skin. The sound of the waves crashing over the sand comfort you along with the scent of ocean breeze. It had been years since you saw the shore.

With your mother gone, there was not a reason to go to the beach. The beach was your place that you and your mother shared together. Your safe haven.

It's been years since you've stopped by your mother's grave, and you aren't ready to see it. But you know you must stop by to see her before you see her father.

You left the beach and held a cab to the resting place of your beloved mama. You bring a small boutique of tulips with you. Her favorite. As you approach her grave on foot, your heart starts to sink. You feel the tears collect in your eyes and burn as they leave the tear ducts.

There she is. Your mother's final resting place. Rain and humidity have tarnished her tombstone, but these pretty small daisy like flowers grew around her grave, making it look extra special. You fall to your knees and wept.

"Hey, Mama." You say, placing her flowers on your grave.

"We talk all the time, but to be here. To see your name on a tombstone is not my favorite thing. I like to imagine that you're somewhere else. Dancing with the angels or cooking in the kitchen. On the beach..."

You cover your mouth as you cry. Time doesn't truly heal all wounds. You just deal with it. You live life the best you can. You work and hustle and ignore the enjoyments of life, which is why Las Vegas opened your mind so much. Why Elvis means the world to you.

You think back to the day of your mother's funeral. You came in two days before the day of her burial. You decide to rent a hotel room for the time being because you couldn't be around your father. When you did show to your parent's house, you were surprised to see your father with his arms around another woman. That hypocrite. That sinning, two-faced, cheating bastard.

You didn't jump and scream like you wanted. Your mother's family embraced you with open arms. You stayed with your loving aunts and uncles and cousins. They gave you the love you needed at that time. The love of your mother's family was the love your mother gave you in your life.

You made eye contact with your father a handful of times, but the two of you didn't speak. The fear you once felt for him was dissolved into hate, and he felt it. Once the funeral concluded, you said your goodbyes, caught a cab, got your things, and got on your plane back to Atlanta. You had no plans to return to Florida. The one you loved the most in the world was gone.

"Mama..." You wipe your tears away and start to speak as if she was physically in front of you. "I came here to tell you about Elvis. The love of my life. I told you about him when I was in Vegas. That's where we met. He... Mama, he is so incredibly amazing and kind. Elvis is so much fun, and he asked me to move in with him. He hasn't asked me to be his wife, but I don't care. I just want to be with him and all it entails. I love him, Mama. I just wanted you to know. I'm happy and in love. I wish you could meet him. I'll never stop talking to you. Even if I don't come here. I will always speak to you."

You stand to your feet but not before you kiss your hand and place it on your mama's tombstone.

"I'm leaving now, Mama. I have one more person I have to see before I catch my flight. You were right. There's so much more to life."

You walk away without looking back and head to the road. You walk a little ways and spot a cab. You ask the cab driver to drive you to Della's Restaurant. You say a quick prayer as the car drives you to the restaurant.

Your cab driver pulled up to Della's, and a part of you froze.

"That'll be $15.00, Miss." The driver said.

You pass him the money, thank him, and get out of the cab, shutting the door behind you. You looked at the door of Della's. Should you really go in? You know you should. You take a deep breath and open the door.

You look around for him, but you don't see him. If he doesn't show up, you would be upset because he was never good for anything except letting you down. If he didn't show up, the sooner you could catch your plane and head to Memphis.

"Hi, ma'am." A hostess happily greeted you. "Welcome to Della's. Is it just you dining in with us?" She asked.

"I uhh..." You look down at your watch and consider the time frame. You can wait fifteen minutes. "It's... for two, ma'am." You finally tell her.

"Right this way." The hostess grabs two menus and two things of silverware. She guides you into the dining room. She sits you in a window booth where you can view the streets of busy Jacksonville.

"Your waitress will be with you soon, ma'am."

"Thank you." You say to the hostess as she walks away.

You make yourself comfortable and consider what to drink and eat before your waitress comes by. Everything on the menu looked delicious. A part of you was too nervous to eat. You remember a time when you couldn't eat this fancy. You laugh at yourself because it's funny how times change.

You glance out the window, thinking on the past. Something close to the Grapes of Wrath.

It was best of times. It was the worst of times.

For you, it was the best of times because of your mama. Your mama did everything to make life spectacular. It was the worst of times because of your father. He was the opposite. Cold and hard as ice. You wondered if he ever loved you. Try as you may, you can think of a good memory with him. You remember walking to him for love and attention, but he would walk away. Or he would pick you up and hand you to your mother.

The church preached on love, but it was as if your father lacked love. You mama was full of love and compassion and grace. She had a strength that you, yourself, prayed for. A strength you want to hone in and use for your own.

"Hi, ma'am. I'm Jenny, and I'll be your waitress for today. What can I get to drink?"

"Oh, I..." Your waitress, Jenny, snaps you back into reality. "May I have some water with lemon, please? And I'm ready to order."

"Yes, ma'am. A water with lemon and what else can I get you?" Jenny took out her pen and order pad.

"May I have a small grilled chicken sandwich with everything on it except for onions?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be back up with your drink in a moment."

Your waitress takes your menu and walks away. Two minutes later, she comes back with your water and lemon.

"Your order should be ready in ten minutes. Oh, did I miss your friend?" Jenny refers to the menu on the other side of your booth.

"He's not here yet. If he's not here by the time my food comes. You can take the menu." You state.

"Yes, ma'am." She says.

"Thank you, ma'am." You say, squeezing the freshly cut lemon into your drink.

Five minutes later, you hear the front door swing open, and there stands the Old Man. Your breath leaves you, but you can't look away from him. A part of you is shocked that even came. He approaches your table, and you don't stand to greet him. You just stare.

He's aged. A part of him looks torn down and weary. His clothes are worn, and his hair is more gray than when you saw him last.

He stops right in front of you, and for a moment, the look in eyes reads something dark. Like he wants to hit you, but you just look at him.

"Hello, Y/N." He finally speaks.

"Hello, sir." You answer back. "Please, sit down. Can I get you anything, sir?" You ask.

"Yeah. I could use a drink." He says, sitting across from you.

You stare at him again as he says this, and you think there lies the issue.

"Hi, sir. I'm Jenny. Can I get you anything to drink?" Your waitress pops over to help him out and passes you your grilled chicken sandwich.

"Yeah, a Coke." He says to Jenny.

"Yes, sir. Coming right up." Jenny says, never losing her sweetness.

"Thank you, Ms. Jenny." You say, viewing your sandwich and fries.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be back with your drink, sir."

Jenny leaves you two alone for a moment. You wanna tell him how badly he looks, but that's not only disrespectful. It's not the reason you came here. You notice the wedding back on his finger. It's not the one he wore when your mama was alive. You know now that he remarried and moved on.

"How are you, sir?" You ask, breaking the ice.

"I'm making it." He says. "You look..." He pauses.

You raise your eyebrows. Is he really about to tell you how you look?

"You look grown. Like an adult." He finishes.

"Thank you."

Jenny places his Coke in front of him and takes out her order pad.

"Ready to order, sir?"

"Order whatever you want. I'll pay for it, sir." You tell him.

A look of shock plagues his face. Are you really going to pay for his meal? He looks back up at Jenny and orders a burger medium well loaded with everything and steak fries.

"Thank you for coming, sir." You say to him. "I won't hold you for too long. I just wanted to talk to you."

"For what? What do you want?" He speaks to you so harshly.

"I want your time. I came to tell you that I fell in love and I'm moving to Tennessee to be with him."

The Old Man puffs his lips at you and takes a sip from his Coke. He rolls his eyes and steals a fry off your plate.

"So what? You choosing to live in sin?" He says.

Your dear old dad. There he is. You were huff at his actions, wondering when he was going to speak out of term.

"Don't preach to me. I didn't come here to fight or argue. I came to let you know... I'm in love with a good guy. I don't need nor want your approval, but I do think you should know. Know that I'm okay. I'm great, in fact."

"Y/N, you can barely take care of yourself. How you gonna be with a man you barely know. Why are you telling me?"

"Because you're the only other man that I've loved in my life." You speak to him calmly but firmly.

You see something shift in his eyes.

"Sir, I don't call you daddy or dad because you've never ever felt like a dad. If I speak about you to others, I refer to you as my father because you are. Yet, I think I'm your shame. You tried to do right by me and my mother, but you didn't want the life we had."

A tear streams down your cheek. You quickly rip it away.

"I don't wanna think about the blatant disrespect you displayed at my mother's funeral. Parading your girlfriend around. Being such a holy, God-fearing man, and you..."

You stop yourself. You are verbally judging the Old Man and know your mother would never approve of that. You see the shame on his face, but you won't apologize for what you said. You got all your burdens off your chest. You feel completely liberated.

"Sir. A father is supposed to show a girl what a real man is, but we both know the truth. Don't we? I see you remarried, and you didn't bother calling me."

The Old Man looks down at his wedding band and slides his hand out of sight.

"Don't be ashamed. I hope she makes you happy. As happy as... Aaron has made me. You'll never hear from me again."

You dig in your purse, taking out $50.00 for your sandwich and your father's sandwich, plus his drink and then some. You never touched your food, but you leave it there. Maybe the Old Man was hungry. You get out of your seat and head for the door, but not before saying your final words to your father.

"Sir, I forgive you. I know you tried your best. The best you know. Live a beautiful life. Goodbye... dad."

You pat his shoulder and leave. Never ever looking back. You catch a cab for the last time in Jacksonville ever and head to Jacksonville International Airport.

You catch your flight to Memphis, and your heart is pounding with the thought of surprising Elvis.

"I'm coming to you, E. Please wait for me. I'm coming." You whisper to yourself.

Four hours later, you land at Memphis International Airport. You hail a cab to Graceland, and you're on your way.

Nine minutes later, you're at the gates of Graceland. It's more spectacular than you ever imagined. Elvis described it to you perfectly, but this is truly a little patch of heaven.

There are people all in front of the gate, and you fear there's no way of passage for you to enter. You move toward the security guard to see if you can get inside. You remember what Elvis told you to do if you received any hassle getting into the show.

"Excuse me, sir."

"Yeah, can I help you?" The guard says.

"Yes, is Joe Esposito around or Jerry Schilling? I'm a friend." You briefly explain. Still trying to surprise Elvis.

The guard is shocked that a friend is asking for Joe or Jerry. Or maybe he's confused about you being a friend and no car to drive up the hill. Either way. You wait patiently as he dials the phone.

"Hey, Ms. Nancy. Is Joe or Jerry around? I have a young lady here claiming to be a friend."

...

"Thank you, ma'am."

You look at the guard and wait. Anxiousness has taken over your body, and you bounce your leg a bit. You want to act crazy and do something unbelievable like jump over the fence. For fear, you'll never see Elvis again. You remain as calm as possible. The thought of seeing the inside of Graceland is overwhelming.

The guard starts to speak again.

"Hey Jerry, there a young lady who says she's your friend.

...

"No, sir. She hasn't given me her name."

You hold your hand out to take the phone from him.

"May I, sir?" You ask with you small smile on your face.

"She wants to speak to you."

...

"Here you go, sweetheart." The guard hands you the phone.

"Jerry, it's me. Y/N. If he's around, don't say anything."

"Well, hey stranger. Fancy catching you here. He's not around me, though. We're safe." Jerry says.

"Good."

"I'll get someone to drive down to pick you up."

"Thank you, Jerry. You're the sweetest."

"Hand the phone to Mr. Paul."

You hand the phone back to the guard and wait to be picked up. Mr. Paul opens the gate to let you in.

The taxi cab drove through the crowd, and the gates of Graceland. You were in awe at the draping moss from the oak trees. The house. The house is breathtaking. It was just as Elvis described it. Four large pillars. Green shutters. Cobblestone. Triangle frame with a window. It's just magnificent. You pay the cab driver and get out of the car.

"Miss? You think I could get an autograph from the King?" He asked, excitement brimming through him.

"Maybe." You said.

Jerry came out of the house and down the stairs, a smile on his face.

"Hey, Y/N." Jerry said, giving you a hug.

"Hi, Jerry."

"The taxi driver need a fee?"

"No, he wants an autograph from Elvis."

"Oh, we can fix that. Do you have bags?"

"I do. In the trunk. Where is he?" You whisper to Jerry.

"He's upstairs. Just go in the front door and go up the stairs. His room is at the end."

An excitement fills your insides, and you feel as though you could float to Elvis. But you don't. You calmly walk up the steps as Jerry grabs your luggage.

You open the front door, and the house is simply magnificent. You look up and see the chandelier. Right where Elvis told you it would be. Front and center as you walk in the door. You look to the right and notice the living room and the little music room with the piano. You look to the left and notice the dining room.

You then walk upstairs to find Elvis. Jerry said at the end of the hall. You see the door. This is it. You take a breath and knock on his door.

"Yeah." You hear his deep Southern drawl behind the door, and you sing:

Wise men say, "Only fools rush in," but I can't help falling in love with you.

The door opens, and you see Elvis standing there in awe. His eyes are wide with surprise and delight at your presence. You sense a little shock, too. He smiles at you and places his hands on your arms.

"Please, don't stop. Keep singing."

You smile and sing some more.

Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? For I can't help falling in love with you.

As you continue to sing, he gently takes you into his arms, swaying you both slowly into his room.

Like a river flows surely to the sea Darling so it goes som things are meant to be.

Elvis holds you close, kissing your forehead as you continue to sway a little ways.

Take my hand take my whole life too, for I can't help falling in love with you.

You stop moving and look at one another for a moment.

"Hi, E." You say.

"Hey, Y/N/N. You're here. You're here."

"I'm here. I missed you. I didn't stop thinking about you once."

"You were always on my mind, Y/N/N. I received all your letters."

Elvis grabs your face, crashing his soft velvet lips into yours. They are so soft. Oh, how you missed this feeling. The heat at the pit of your tummy. The goosebumps raising on your skin.

"I missed this." You speak out of breath.

Elvis shuts the door to give you both more privacy.

"I missed you, Y/N/N. I missed you so much." Elvis says, walking you over to the bed.

Elvis sits you down and sits along with you. He continues to plant kisses on your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck. He plays in your curls as he starts to kiss your neck.

"Elvis?" You speak out of breath.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Is that offer still open?"

"What offer?" Elvis pulls away from you. A confused look graces the ethereal features of his face.

"To move in with you? Is it too late?" You ask him. Hope liters your voice. God, please don't let it be too late, you think.

"No... no, Y/N, it's not too late. Please move in and be my girlfriend. Love me. Share my life with me. Be a part of my crazy world. Please." Elvis says.

"Yes, E! Yes! A thousand times, yes!" You shout, placing your arms around his neck once again. You kiss him deeply, hoping it leads to something more.

Elvis kisses you back slowly. He's taking his time to show you just how much he missed you.

He wraps his index finger in the strap of your dress, and he slowly pulls the strap down your arm, exposing your shoulder. Elvis repeats this action with your other arm, allowing your dress to fall down.

He leaves your lips and moves down your neck. You close your eyes and indulge in the feelings that come over you. Those splendid feelings from Las Vegas. The goosebumps. The longing of love. The butterflies at the pit of your tummy. The moisture in your sacred cavern. Elvis just sets you all a glow. You're ready for him.

Elvis moves from your neck to your chest. He removes your strapless bra and tosses it to the floor, leaving you bare before him. The cool air of the bedroom has your nipples handen. Elvis pulls away to admire your body. You don't shy away. You know better. Elvis likes your confidence.

You unbutton Elvis' night shirt. This will be easier than the first night you both met, being he was fully dressed. This is like the times you slept over in his suite, but so much sweeter. You expose his chest to you, easing the shirt down his arms with your fore fingers.

"You're so beautiful, baby." Elvis says, catching your attention.

You look him in his eyes and smile.

"Thank you, E." You say. "It's only because I'm so in love with you."

"Is it? You were beautiful before you loved me, Y/N/N. The moment I saw you at the bar in Vegas."

"That night that started this story. Our story."

Elvis nods his head and smiles. He kisses you once more on the lips with vigor. Then, he pulls away from your lips and goes straight to your chest and licks your nipple on your left breast.

You moan as the thrill of his lips and tongue sends you railing. You wrap your hand on the back of his head and fall back on the mattress.

As Elvis works his way to your other breast, his hand is moving under your dress past your panties and to your clit. As his long fingers gaze your panties, you gasp with pleasure. He rapidly rubs circles clockwise on your clit. At least, it seems like he is winding you up for what's to come.

"Oh, Elvis! I missed you." You exclaim.

"I missed you too, Y/N/N. So much." Elvis says, kissing your chest in between speech. "Just wishing for the time I get to plunge my dick in that pussy of yours."

At the moment, Elvis leaves your clit and dips into your deliciously wet pussy. You moan in excitement. Your free hand slips into Elvis' pants, rubbing his firm ass and then slipping it near his hardened cock.

Elvis moans at your touch and pulls your dress, plus your panties all the way off. He slides himself down to the entrance of your sacred place and licks your vaginal lips. Then he French kisses your clit slowly bringing you closer and closer to the pinnacle of love.

You grind against his tongue, feeding your cravings you've longed for since you left him in Vegas. It's so much pleasure after a month of separation. You writhe under the sensation Elvis brings you. Obscene words and sounds passing vocally through your lips.

Elvis stops himself as you feel yourself coming undone. You try to catch your breath from the unwanted break. You look at him as he stares at you with love filled eyes.

Elvis then pulls off his trousers, and his dick bounces forward. He gives his dick a few tugs before he he climbs on top of you, kissing you. You both start to softly make out. You put your arms around his shoulders; wrapping your legs around his waist.

"You ready for me, baby?" Elvis whispers to you.

You nod your head.

"Y/N, no more shyness. There's no need. Use your words."

You take a breath and say,

"Yes. I'm ready, Elvis." You slide your hands up his back, putting your right hand gently through his hair.

Elvis nods his head in acknowledgment to your plee. You help line him up to penatrate your sweet spot. He softly enters inside of you, and you both breathe out in sexual bliss. You wrap your legs around him, bringing him closer to hit that spot deep inside you. Elvis hits that spot continuously. Again and again. His penis getting reacquainted with your vagina. Your walls forming and molding to his perfect hardened cock all over again.

You feel the ambers in the pit of your tummy set your blood a blaze as Elvis fucks you silly. You writhe under him once again. Yes, Elvis, yes. This is what you needed. To make love to the man you love.

Still sensitive from earlier when Elvis was tonguing your clit, you feel yourself cumming. You don't want to. You want Elvis to love you all night into the next day.

"I'm... AHHH! FUCK, ELVIS!" You shout to him, cumming all over him.

Elvis pushes himself quicker and deeper as your pussy begins milking the goodness from his cock.

"Holy... Fuck!!!" Elvis says, collapsing on top of you. His dick still buried deep within you.

As you both catch your breath, you feel him soften inside you. Just that sends a thrill within you. Elvis starts to kiss your arm. Then your shoulder. Then your neck. He works his way up to your lips. You both kiss one another. You both look at one another with admiration.

"You're staying right?" Elvis asks you.

"Yes, I am. If you'll have me."

"Good." Elvis says, planting another kiss in your lips. "Let's go for a walk. I wanna show you the meditation garden."

"The meditation garden?"

"Yes." Elvis says to you.

You both get out of bed and get dressed. Elvis takes your hand and leads you down another case of stairs. The staircase leads you to a different room than what you recall. It leads you outside to the back of the house. You see the pastures and the horses.

Elvis leads you by the pool, and you hear a fountain running. You turn to look, and you see a garden with small pillars and stained glass windows on a wall that shields the garden. The fountain in the middle has crystal blue water and three small fountains running in the middle of this pool. It's quite peaceful. Then, you notice the bushes of wildflowers that surround the fountain.

"Elvis, are these forget-me-nots?" You ask him, closely inspecting the flowers.

"Yes, they are. I thought I'd surprise you. I had these planted for you when you first told me about them in Vegas."

You look around at all the forget-me-nots brushes surrounding the garden. You're at a loss for words. Elvis sees the smile on your face and is pleased with his choice.

"Elvis, this whole garden is amazing. Those stained glass windows are beautiful."

"Thank you. I had the garden placed here a few years ago when I was on my mission of seeking God and why he put me here. Seeking answers to life."

"Have you found any, E?" You ask, holding his hand.

"Maybe. A few. Like you."

You look down at the forget-me-nots in front of you, trying your best not to blush at his words.

"Y/N/N?" Elvis places his index finger under your chin, looking you in the eyes.

"Yes, E?" You reply. Somehow, his touch softens you.

You place your hand on his and smile.

"Baby, y-you think. You might w-wanna get married? Someday?"

Your eyes widen, and your heart drops like you're on a rollercoaster.

"Yes, I would love to get married one day. To you."

Elvis smiles and plants a kiss on your lips.

"Good. I love you so much, Y/N." Elvis says, hugging you.

"I love you too, Elvis." You embrace him back. He feels so warm and smells so amazing. A thought floats through your mind about something once said to you, and you have to tell Elvis.

"Elvis, promise me something?" I say, removing your from his arm to look at his ethereal face.

"What is it, Y/N/N? I'll promise you anything." He says, moving your curl out of your eye.

"If you ever..." You pause and take a breath. "Ever fall out of love with me, please let me know."

Elvis is shocked, to say the least.

"Y/N, I..."

"Promise me." You boldly say.

"I promise, but I'll never ever stop loving you."

"Good." You say, grabbing his face and kissing his precious lips. He tastes so delicious. "What do we do now, E?"

"We live. We take care of each and travel. I'm going international, and I'm taking you with me, Y/N/N! London, Paris, Japan! The works!" You feel his excitement and join him.

"Everywhere, Elvis. I'd love to go! When do we leave?"

"In two months. I'm on vacation now with my girl!"

Elvis grabs you and kisses you. You put your hands around his neck and kiss him back.

Elvis takes your hand, and you both go back into the house. You're so excited to start this new life with Elvis, the love of your life.

Taglist: @missmaywemeetagain @beeandheroddobsessions @headfullofpresley @everythingpresley @epforeverohyes @plasticfantasticl0ver @pianginferno @powerofelvis @ab4eva @foreverdolly @searchingforgravity @thatbanditqueen @daffieapple @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @epsgirl @richardslady121 @literally-just-elvis-fics @thememphisflash1935-1977 @vintageshanny @iloveelvis

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

Chatting about life beneath the cut.

Work

I've been slammed at work since February, but it's getting a touch better- assuming I don't get piled on with new stuff, which is a bold assumption. I am interested in one of my projects, which is nice. I'm working on a medication for a type of secondary infection common in patients at hospitals that currently has no treatment. About twelve years ago, my company was working on it, but for some reason, the project was dropped.

From our old work, I saw that the protein was falling apart with exposure to light, which would make the medicine extremely difficult and expensive to produce and store. I've been swapping out the oxidizing tryptophans with other residues and testing the stability and function after. The data so far makes me optimistic that I can fix the problem while maintaining stability and function, so that's great.

There have been layoffs at the company, though. It's crazy how difficult the job situation is right now, though. Layoffs are so common, and I'm told that, often, lost jobs are quietly relocated to another country, where they can pay the workers less. I don't know how common that is in biotech, though. Actually- yeah, I have worked at places that opened sites in China and laid off workers in the states.

Life

Recently, I've had some weird/annoying encounters in public that have sort of... Further solidified that I no longer enjoy existing in public spaces where you are meant to spend money. I've been trying to come up with ways to go out that don't involve shopping/spending money, mostly because of how frustrating any kind of customer experience is these days. I think it might have to do with fewer people being hired since covid? Stores look like they were ransacked and getting checked out is nearly impossible, a single employee is trying to man a restaurant on their own while also filling online orders, etc. It's just... The opposite of fun. It sucks.

So, I decided to try hiking and... I hesitate to call it gardening, it's more like light lawn work. There are many easy and pretty walking trails in my area, so I've given two of those a try. I enjoyed it. Being outside and getting light exercise are definitely important components of mental health.

This might sound hypocritical, since I was just complaining about shopping, but. I've also been going through my belongings and curating them. My family is huge on gift giving, and on giving me their hand-me-downs. And sometimes, that has been genuinely so helpful, and I really appreciate it. But I'm realizing now that there is onus on myself to donate/sell what I can't use, and buy things that will make my life better.

For example, I had never bought my own rain boots, rain coat, coat, or gardening stuff before. The things I was given were nice, but they weren't necessarily what I needed. I did a lot of research and bought myself these:

-Duluth heirloom gardening overalls

These are so cool!!! They have a million pockets, they cover your torso and legs, they are super comfy, AND you can put KNEE PAD INSERTS into the knees! Usually, when I (try to) garden, I get tired really fast because I'm trying not to touch the ground with anything but my feet and my gloved hands, so I'm contorting/squatting/etc. With these babies on, I scoot, crawl, and roll around without worrying about dirt, bugs, or scratches. And the knee pads are game changing (those are sold separately). The comments said to size down one size in the overalls, that is what I did, and it worked for me. You can also order your exact inseam!!! WHAT THE HECK!

I got the overalls, a very long shirt with a built in bra, and the knee pads for about $70 total (I chose one of the inexpensive colors, figuring it was going to get dirty anyway).

-Hunter rain boots

All the rainboots I've been given were super cute, but they all leaked and were uncomfortable. I haven't had my lilac Hunters for long, but they are comfortable and sturdy. I garden in them, too, since I can just hose them off. I got them for 30% off, so I guess I would aim for at least that much discount if you're interested. They recommend sizing down if you are an in between size, I did that and it worked fine.

-Merrell Hiking Boots

I read a ton of reviews before getting these; these were consistently voted the best value for price. They still are not cheap, but I bought the color that was marked down 1/3, figuring they are going to get muddy regardless. So far, they are really nice! Instantly so comfy.

Meanwhile, I donated anything that was given to me that I do not use, and I sold quite a few things on Ebay, too. By the way, my advice for Ebay is to fully pack your item before you even list it. If you weigh it and measure it upfront, you can tell Ebay exactly how big the package is and how much it weighs, meaning Ebay won't underestimate what to charge the buyer for shipping. You'll be the one making up the difference if that happens. I was surprised at how easy it was and how much money I ended up making (more than enough to cover the above purchases).

I'm still looking for a raincoat. I've been going for utility over form, which is basically the opposite of everything I was given. For example, a family member gave me gardening gloves when I moved into my house, which was so sweet and kind of them! They are feminine and so cutely patterned, but the fingertips got holes in them after three uses. I'm ordering a utility pair today that I hope will be long lasting.

Being outside has been really nice, and so has the low-impact exertion. I've been more successful at doing healthy activities on the weekend, but I really need to work on doing something other than zoning out on the couch after work. I guess that's my next goal.

Oh, we also are finally moving forward with the bathroom reno, so the master bathroom will finally be functional. The work doesn't start for another month, though. We were able to get a more reasonable quote, but we did have to drop a lot of our ideas and go for the core need (build a shower, replace a window with wall so the shower can be built).

Creating

I haven't been writing/editing as much as usual. I've been reading more, which has been nice. I do want to get back into it more, but... Hm, it's been difficult. It's a mixture of being burnt out and struggling to get myself to do anything and the normal struggles with low response/engagement in fandom.

Actually, so- Any fandom that is older than AO3 tends to have a larger presence on FFN than AO3, and Digimon is very much included in that pool. Ever since the emails and notifications have died on FFN, there has just been. ZERO. Response from that site.

If you are someone who comments on AO3 and FFN, you are truly playing an ENORMOUS role in keeping fandoms alive online, and I am so grateful to you. Bookmarks, kudos, and likes are great, too, but comments are what make creators feel like someone is out there. And for Tumblr, if you are reblogging with supportive lil tags? You are keeping fandom alive. You are literally Atlas. This is you:

I love you.

Anyway, that's all for me! I'm going to go wander off. Have an amazing weekend, I hope you're well!

[therealraeweber]

Hey Tumblr! It's been a hot minute, but I wanted to hop on today and share a project I just finished for my digital media class!

Keep reading to see my process of making this dagger!

Our assignment was super open ended, with the prompt just being "Make a project that involves Blender in some way", so I thought doing something mixed media would be a lot of fun. I'm on a mission this semester to start making art for classes that I WANT TO MAKE, and not just tailor to what I think will get me a good grade and what my profs would like. Honestly, could make a whole post about that mission as it is actually more challenging than I had anticipated, but I digress.

For my dagger, I started by making a quick sketch in Procreate to get an idea of what I wanted my model to look like. I got some inspo off of Pinterest, but tired to make the design my own, and something I could feasibly make.

Since I was making this project for a digital media class, and the assignment was supposed to revolve around using Blender, I made a base 3D model for the dagger, which I would then send off to get printed.

I originally tried to model the vines and leaves in Blender, but I had a really hard time with it, since I am still re-learning how to use Blender (haven't used it since high school). So I decided to make it a mixed media project, since the prof said this assignment was very open ended. Plus, doing mixed media would give me a chance to try out foam clay, which I've been wanting to experiment with for a while.

I then sent my 3D model off to my good friend David, who 3D printed it for me. He was even kind enough to send me a time lapse of it printing!

After printing, David also assembled the base for me, but I put glue in all the seams, followed by filler once that dried, and sanded the whole thing down. It definitely could have used more sanding since you can still see print lines in some places, but I was on a strict time crunch to get this assignment in on time.

Then I went in with my foam clay and started adding the leaves and vines on the handle, as well as the leaf details on the cross-guard. I had never used foam clay before (I know... what kind of cosplayer am I?), but I really enjoyed working with it. I had a bit of a hard time getting it to stick to the plastic, but I found that wetting it and then letting it get a bit tacky really helped with that.

The foam clay I bought was from Michaels, and was technically labeled "Modelling Foam", so I have no idea how it compares to the nice foam clay that most cosplayers use. I would have ordered that, but I decided to do the modelling by hand rather last minute, so I needed to buy what was available in store. Overall I enjoyed working with it, but I would still be interested to try the real stuff some time (assuming it's actually different from this).

After letting the foam clay dry overnight, I started painting it. I primed everything with a silver spray primer, then went over just the blade, pommel, and cross-guard with a more metallic silver spray paint. Thankfully, I had enough paint and primer left over from the two angel blades I made in the summer, so I didn't need to buy more paint for this project. I then painted the handle by hand, which was one of the most tedious paint processes I've ever done, but I'm quite happy with the results.

Last up was some clear coat, as I didn't want to risk any of the paint chipping off. I'm also hoping the clear coat will help seal the foam a bit, as I have no idea how foam clay holds up when used on props. I let the sealant dry overnight last night and this morning it was done! And today I took some pictures of it outside to submit to my prof for grading, and to use during our class critique tonight. Considering I was rushing these last steps after 3D printing, it is a miracle I got it done by the deadline. I'm quite happy with how it turned out!!!

Now I'm just hoping that crit goes well tonight! We'll see if my prof thinks this is too much mixed media for a digital media class...

Anyways, hope you enjoyed seeing my process! I know I haven't posted in ages... I have done and made so many cool things this past month, but I've been too stressed and busy to make posts about them. Hopefully I'll have more time to share stuff with you guys soon!

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Heyo momdad! I have a friend who mentioned to me they were thinking about starting grocery shopping only once a month, only they weren't sure how to approach it, and I feel like I remember you making a post about something similar... Do you happen to know the post I'm talking about?? Tyvm

hi dear! i can't remember a specific post, i'm afraid, but i did personally switch from weekly to monthly grocery shopping at the start of the pandemic to limit my exposure, and since then i've actually expanded it to more like once every six weeks or so. i can talk a bit about how and why that works for me.

the biggest issue is that i shop for both my mom and myself, and we're both chronically ill and both have some dietary issues that mean i need to do a portion of our shopping at whole foods. the nearest one is about 45 minutes away, so it makes the most sense for me to a do a big shopping day where i hit three stores (a texas chain called h-e-b, whole foods, and trader joe's) so i only have one major expenditure of energy and gas.

i hit three stores because a) they don't all have the same items, and b) h-e-b and trader joe's have a lot of stuff for way cheaper than whole foods. i have a generally shitty memory, but i'm actually very good at remembering what things cost at the different stores.

i'm not great at meal planning, but i know the general things that i want to keep in stock (admittedly, this only works because we have two fridges and an upright freezer) and i do extensive pre-shopping planning.

i have a list in my phone of what i frequently buy at each store, and i'll add to it when i need something infrequently bought and temporarily strike out what i don't need this trip. keeping a master list helps me not forget things. i also try to have the list written in the order at which i walk through the store, so i don't get to the last aisle and find an item i needed from the other side of the store.

before i go out, i check the h-e-b and whole foods apps, because h-e-b has coupons and whole foods has sales. i mark down in the list what's on sale/has a coupon, and plan around those savings if i can. (trader joe's doesn't have an app, sales, or coupons, but their prices are always low.) i also have a pre-shopping conference with my mom so everything she needs is included in my list.

when i depart, i bring as many coolers and ice packs as can fit in the car (really important, since we live in texas). it's still often difficult to keep everything cold, and i've had the very frustrating experience of buying meat, not realizing which bag it's in, and arriving home hours later to find the meat warm. for that reason i group my cold stuff together on the checkout belt and help bag to try and keep cold things together. i'll stick produce from the beginning of the trip in a cooler, then take it out towards the end of the trip if i need that space.

it takes hours, and by the time i get home and unload everything i am fucking wiped, but in the end it just makes more sense than doing it more frequently. we've gotten used to it and it works.

in between the Big Shopping Trip, we supplement with a few things on amazon subscribe and save, usually one smallish h-e-b curbside pickup for fresh produce and anything i forgot/they didn't have last time, and i also do a pickup from a co-op called azure standard every 2-4 months or so.

azure is super helpful if you try to buy organic, have special dietary needs, or just cook/bake enough that buying 25lbs of dry beans or 50lbs of flour would be useful for you. i can get things like oats, sugar, cheese, and apples for enough of a savings that it's worth the 9% transport fee and driving out to the drop-off site now and then. it's also nice to support a smallish business and smallish farms.

NOW, having said all that, doing all this obviously consumes a great deal of my brain capacity, so shopping like this certainly isn't possible or beneficial for everyone. i happen to have an aptitude for grocery shopping and cooking, so this is the majority of what i bring to the table in terms of, you know, keeping us alive and not as ill as we would be if we had shittier diets.

i wrote this all out in case some of its useful to someone, but hey, whatever works for you is what works for you. endure and survive. ✌

also i have a shopping tag with some more advice.

ETA: also in terms of like, how to not let things go bad: i shop with the intention to either eat things that quickly spoil in the week following the trip or else freeze them soon after getting home (meat, some veg), and leave things that will last longer for after the first week (sturdier veg, fruit like apples and citrus, yogurt, eggs).

milk freezes pretty well, but i've also found it more useful to, for example, use powdered buttermilk in my baking instead of worrying about having enough milk/not using it before it spoils. i also have some quarts of shelf-stable nondairy milk on hand.

it's a big learning curve to figure out what spoils too quickly, what lasts a long time, and what work-arounds you can find, but if you get creative it can work really well.

[robinsnest2111]

5, 8, 13 and 33 {:

5. shuffle your playlist!!! what’s the first song that plays?

Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr. 👻

8. tell me about your favorite band. go on infodump for me.

okay uuuhhhhhh currently Mötley Crüe and KISS are tied for the title of favourite band soooo. idk what to talk about honestly. all of the kiss band members make my heart happy, Eric Carr aka The Fox and Eric Singer as The Catman are the most adorable imho, and I loved finding out more of the band lore from that special edition magazine I bought recently! Their music makes me happy and I love hearing everyone's different styles depending on who worked most on which song, who sang it, etc.!!! And I adore all the band's different style phases! The darker more brutal metal sound, the poppy disco-y glam sound, the softer ballad style songs! 🥰

and for mötley crüe? MICK MARS IS MY FAVOURITE OLD MAN MY SWEET BABYGIRL MY DARLING! he's weird and strange but also cool and beautiful and I wanna steal his gender so bad. I wanna be like him when I grow up. Fun fact: what really drew me into the fandom side of things was a post praising Nikki's thighs, how he himself was self conscious over them and wanted skinny legs like his terror twin tommy but how the op of the post and many others(!) adore them! really helped my own body image issues regarding my thicc thighs :') also that one post praising Mick for sticking with the other 3 idiots (affectionate) for 40+ years, keeping the band alive even with his health issues and near death experience and I think that's when I first fell for my fav old man.

this one goes for both bands: so far I have not listened to their entire discographies but I'm so excited to discover all there is to their repertoires!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

13. what is one album that has irreparably damaged your social skills?

idk if it'd count as damaging my social skills (my childhood trauma has done a great job on that all on its own lol) but I was OBSESSED with Gwen Stefani's Love.Angel.Music.Baby album when I was 8 and it probably didn't help that none of my classmates (who already didn't like me for being a weirdo) were into her music lol

and though I've since learned of the problematic messages and Gwen's naive and ignorant justifications behind this album and its themes, it has still shaped younger me quite a lot 😅

the line "'Cause it's Super Kawaii, that means: Super Cute in Japanese" will forever be burned into my brain

33. DO YOU COLLECT CDS????

I DO!!! I have around 300 at the moment (not counting the few I'm planning to sell soon). I definitely need more space to properly store all of them, at least 1/3 is currently precariously piled up behind and around my TV for lack of shelf space...

---

music ask game

[gorey]

been randomly tweeting about this on zero sleep but reformatting in better detail for tumblr bc oh my gd I forgot about just how fucked up a part of 2018 was for us in an incredibly short span of time

- been 18 for a month, flagrantly abusing prescription ketamine, at our wits' end

- finally run out of ket when the use overtook the refill schedule, have a really vulnerable moment on video call with some summer camp friends

- literally the next day. walk over to the local garden store, get hired for the landscaping crew as a stealth transmasc binding full time we're talking manual labor 8 hours a day in the boiling sun in the titty squisher Plus we're weak as shit Plus we get in trouble for asking to use a client's bathroom bc we can't disclose that we don't have the parts required to piss in an empty Gatorade bottle. This lasts less than a week.

- break up with our long term partner, kiss best friend who is dating other best friend (who I'd had much stronger feelings for for a long time) (they both hate me now and we don't speak but that falling out didn't happen until several years after all this), try to like. get in a polycule with the two of them but I'm still talking to my ex and we get back together almost immediately on the condition that they get therapy (they never did) bc they started showing the bare minimum signs of actually loving me and I was of weak constitution

- after the landscaping crew I manage to worm my way into freelancing as a landscaper clearing the back lot of a local bakery (free fine pastries and coffee a massive perk) (also shoutout to the dude who would come by and harvest bamboo to make canes with, he helped me figure out how to work more efficiently).

- have massive sexuality crisis (false flag, was identifying as bi decided I was gay now I realize I'm bi I just had a lot of Girl Trauma from my other shitty ex) while working the lot just wandering around in a stupor imagining really unpleasant scenarios. I bought some really weird camel cigs that I've never had before or since they were tiny and odd tasting

- injure myself and never go back to work bc now it's time for my top surgery

Fast forward a few months I, titless, have moved in with the person I failed to break up with to escape my demented abusive father who had moved back in from an old folks home earlier that year to cut costs, get an awful awful job at chipotle, dive right back into my ketamine abuse now with even greater weed access for a truly mindbending experience, didn't need to pay rent bc my partner (now Actually my ex but not til several years after this) has RICH and ABUSIVE parents that were disappointed in their performance at college so they literally BOUGHT A HOUSE, made it be in my partner's name and had them play landlord for 2 chill friends and 1 absolute asshole all engineering/compsci students who would buy 4-aco-dmt on the gray net and built all kinds of weird fucking shit and art installations and one of them (the one who only ever consumed soylent) got a tarantula named APPLEBEES bc my partner as the fucking homeowner (vomit emoji) had naming rights for any bug introduced in their vicinity. Partner's deeply suicidal plans on dying after they graduate (fortunately didn't happen) I am utterly powerless in the face of this I'm being emotionally neglected and working myself to the bone but it was like one of the best eras of my life bc I got to get obscenely high and wander in the woods or just sit in the kitchen with the rave lights going listening to Blood Orange

[PRIEST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONFESSION BOOTH RIPS A FAT VAPE HIT]

[love-to-lgbtq]

Ah.. sorry if this is a bit much but.…. do you know of any good wlw sex ed masterposts (possibly one that covers general stuff too since in my experience the sex education system is just generally bad let alone for Igbtq+ stuff)?

I'm a (older) minor so I totally understand if you don't want to answer this but I'd really appreciate it bc I can't do my own research ;-;

Hi anon,

Sex education is something that shouldn’t be withheld from people. I actually work with a lot of places trying to make queer sex ed more accessible. Since I’m assuming you’re trying to avoid links/webpages I’ve decided to compile my own master post for you.

Strap in (no pun intended)

Let’s start with the basics, anatomy and care:

Vulva: the outside of the vagina (the part that’s visible)

Vagina: the internal structure in the female reproductive system

STI: sexually transmitted infections, caused by direct exposure to an infection, can be transmitted orally, through intercourse, or contact with bodily fluids.

Yeast infection: the pH of a vagina is very specific, as is the bacterial microbiome , and if it’s thrown off too much it overproduces yeast, which causes an uncomfortable infection. It’s treatable though!

protection:

For oral sex on a vulva or anus there are dental dams. They come in various flavors and are like a sheet of latex that you hold in place while performing oral. If both you and your partner have been tested and don’t have to worry about any STI exchange, these aren’t necessary.

- just because you can’t get pregnant having wlw sex doesn’t mean you can’t get Sexually Transmitted Infections

There’s also toys that can be used for wlw sex, such as strap ons, dildos, and vibrators. These typically need to be purchased online or at a store that specializes in sex supplies, but some of the basics can be bought at target, cvs, and other similar places. As a minor you can’t buy these things yet, but for future reference now you know.

Lubricant:

For oral, lube isn’t really necessary, but know that there are flavored lubricants labeled for oral use. DO NOT USE THESE. These are meant for penises. If you use flavored lube on a vulva/vagina it can cause yeast infections.

Best practice is to use water based lube (it’ll say the base on the bottle/package), which is safe to use for all purposes.

There are also silicone based and oil based lubes, but I recommend steering clear of those since they’re not compatible with toys and other silicone products.

Where to get it? - any CVS, Walmart, target, etc. will have lube of various types in the aisle they sell condoms in, which is usually near the pharmacy.

Some major things to steer clear of:

- douching of any sort: this can lead to yeast infections. The vagina is naturally cleaning, so don’t think you need to put any sort of cleanser up there. Summers Eve is a scam.

- rushing things: what you see in the media is a dramatization. It’s important to take your time and talk about things with whoever your partner is before rushing into anything.

Your local planned parenthood will also have lots of resources to help you, and if you have any local LGBTQ+ organizations you can get to, they often have lots of resources for this stuff too. I don’t know if you’re closeted, but if you are and this is hard to get to for you, then I recommend going to the library and using one of their computers to do any additional research.

And always remember to practice consent!!! Remember FRIES for consent:

Freely Given

Reversible

Informed

Enthusiastic

Specific

If you have any more specific questions I’m also here as a resource for you through DM and asks, and I don’t find it bothersome at all, that’s why I’m here! This is one of my areas of expertise so I’m happy to answer any questions you may have.

Let me know if you need any more info!

-Day

[butterflypikachu]

I'm a Victim of Emotional Abuse

And am trying to move away from my abuser. It's been so stressful though as I've been working myself past burnout and have been unsuccessful finding a place in my budget.

My abuser has been in my life since he started dating my mother when I was 7 years old. He has shown classic signs or Narcissistic personality disorder. I am grateful he isn't a psychopath or my experiences could have been much worse over the years, but despite, lack of physical abuse, I can't take the emotional trauma anymore.

He has manipulated and gaslit my mother into submission to where she feels like she is stuck with him. There isn't much more I can say to help her, she must do what she can now to help herself. I need to do what is best for me.

He has thrown tantrums, threatened to make us homeless, thrown out my things, threatened to further throw out my belongings, broken things, driven drunk, and further endangered us in other ways. He blames me and has blamed me for his shortcomings for many years.

He used to use up the toilet paper even after I got over my OCD tendency to use a lot for my bladder problems and I STILL got blamed for its usage. He spends a ton of money on stuff on amazon and I'm the one getting too many packages when I buy things I need online that can't be gotten in grocery stores. Once in a while I do buy things I want but who hasn't. This same man spent $600 on two drones they don't even use anymore, bought exercise equipment they don't use and I'm the one with stuff I don't use? I want to use my belongings but I get restricted by this man basically to my room then am told to go out more.

I also have been compared to others then when I do it it is "don't compare yourself to others" it is so bad he has my mom saying these things.

When I brought up the cost of living and how the current generations were screwed before we were born by trickle down economics I was told I couldn't use it as an excuse. Excuse me but it is the ultimate excuse and reason why I can't seem to find a place to live despite getting two raises last year and another one this year!

I am sick of being gaslit and manipulated into feeling like I am the problem and like I am worthless and not enough. I am sick of being made to look like I am lazy when I work hard and do so much!

This post is just to make somebody out there other than my therapist aware of my situation and why I am expediting my move by taking drastic measures. I may have to reduce my own pay to fit in a box just to get low income housing. It is unfortunate that I make too much now for it and too little for the next cheapest place. I also refuse to live without my cat. I can not go without an emotional support animal. I can't do 2019 again when I had nothing to go home to that was comforting and alive and breathing.

If anyone else thinks they are going through anything I have said above please read this below.

[modernsuperhero]

aside from once or twice helping my siblings, i haven't baked since before the covid shutdown. i used to fucking love baking. i never made anything fancy. mostly banana bread or cookies using a mix i bought from the store. nothing crazy or particularly unique. but i really liked it. and i don't think i realized how much i liked it. it wasn't something i talked to my friends about. it never came up in icebreakers or conversations. i never really considered myself a baker. but at some point i realized i hadn't baked in ages. maybe it was when my brother started baking. he does it a lot now. he experiments. even my other sibling bakes some - they made me a birthday cake a couple years ago using kitkats and M&Ms to make it look like a hedgehog (and it really did!). i really miss baking.

even when i moved out of my mother's house and into my first apartment i didn't bake. we never had enough money for that sort of thing and when we did have the money i never had the energy or time. and now i'm living with my partner's family and i've stopped trying to cook because i feel like i'm invading someone else's space when i try to work in the kitchen, and besides they never bake so they don't have the sheets or pans or bowls or anything i would need to use. and it's fine, because i haven't baked in years so it doesn't mean much honestly.

i can't wait to bake again. i can't wait to have my own place and be stable enough to have the time and money and energy to do it again. i want to make more banana bread and brownies and cheap shitty cookies. this isn't a little despair vent tbh even though it kinda feels like one. i'm holding onto it. i want to do it again someday and i feel like if i try to push and force myself to do it too early it won't mean what it's grown to mean after so long. like. when i finally bake again. it will mean something. you know?

[keefwho]

April 25 - 2024

11:01pm

6/10

This morning I wiped down my sink, mirror, and toilet. My bathroom is pretty clean overall now. I took a nice long shower where I sat and enjoyed the hot water for a bit. For breakfast I made tuna spaghetti with a pineapple cup. After eating I tasted the bone broth I left on overnight and it definitely was more brothy but I did not like the taste much. It didn't smell appealing either and I had been whiffing it all day yesterday and this morning so I was very unappetized by it. I turned the crockpot off and planned on throwing it out later. Right before stream I remembered that I needed drinks from the store so mom took me immediately. It means I didn't get time to prepare myself for conversation starting with a stranger in person so I didn't do that this time. I did talk to mom though in a more open way than usual so that counts for something.

For work I warmed up with bats which as usual were interesting to draw in their own way. They also reinforced the idea that most animals really do come in only 2 or 3 poses. I finished the Venus commission today and a couple YCHs someone bought. I was feeling frisky on stream and had the idea to take a small hit of my pen so that I could do something fun after I was done working. I ended a little early since I didn't have anything else to do. I had a pretty good time doing my thing and I had a little help. For lunch I made a dinty moore beef stew with some little pasta added. I joined TK and friends while eating and watched them play Totally Accurate Battlegrounds. I didn't talk much, I was still a teensy bit high and was just chilling.

During my afternoon hours I finished a drawing of Pipp based on an idea request I got. It doesn't seem to have gotten great reception and I wasn't totally happy with how it came out either. I think for future requests I'm going to tone back the quality in favor of experimenting with capturing the raw energy of the idea more. Better composition/posing and all that. After that I left the VC and worked on the Mr Bean world a bit. I mostly starting texturing everything and was very slow because I was pretty done for the day. But what matters is that I did it.

When everything was done I took a little time to just watch a stream I enjoyed. I also did a little bit of video editing/organizing. I put together simple graphs for the excel sheet DS and I have for tracking our puzzle statistics. Then I had Twitch open and played horse game for a little bit. When DS was free she showed me how she airbrushed lips and nostrils onto her fursuit head which came out good. We watched the Nature and Numb episodes of Moral Orel which were both VERY heavy, much more than I imagined they'd be. I feel like I should have felt more uncomfortable with the drunk father situation really hitting home but I either got over that for real, suppress it very deeply, or just wasn't in the mood today. I'd like to believe I've made my peace with it. I already had my dad-hating phase and have since forgiven him for his past actions. The episodes also sparked religious conversation and a story of DS's degrading grandmother which I remember hearing before.

In bed we smoked puzzles and I grinded levels in KH2. We talked a lot about self worth and body image and being homies. I love conversations like that, ones that happen between people connecting over the struggles of life. And I love showing my support the best way I can because of how important other's support has been to me and my own improvement.

[nathank77]

4/18/24

8:32 p.m Edited

So I just took a shower and earlier than normal since two out of 4 of my heart palpitations started right after a late night shower. Maybe I panic about the ocd and stuff idk... all I know is this was all after/during psychosis and more prevalently after Methimazole.

My car key the part that hooks to the key chain is broken and my car key keeps falling off my lanyard. I just used super glue hopefully that solves the issue.

I bought super glue specifically for my sun visor that got damaged when I did my wind shield... but I still haven't used it on it bc I haven't had the time. It was a good investment. I fixed my Beau glasses and I think my car key will be fixed soon even though there is paper glued to the top of it now. I'll show pictures later I put a lot on it. I can't afford to lose my car key. I do not have a spare and I may drill a hole into it but I'm scared I'll mess something up internally inside of it. Like some chip or something but my car is a 2000, I can't find any information on if there are internal components..

Anyways, since I'm going to lens crafter Saturday, and unfortunately I know I'm not going to be able to afford glasses from them or bjs. I might just throw in the towel after.

I mean the only semi comfortable pair I have is the Aron with the girly geometric pattern. If I am out and I get my lens dirty or something, I got to shove my head into my beaus or the studios. And I hardly think any of these frames are worth the money to get the focal point right.

I mean bjs is going to be like 140$..... if they are even willing to use a frame from elsewhere. I'm thinking a lot of places willing to do it with plastic lenses and anti-reflective lens coatings that are baked on instead of dipped (dipped causes flaking/peeling) will likely be over 100$... and if the frame isn't worth investing in, what's the point?

If lens crafters is a bust, sure I'll call a few places for cost of lense replacement instead of just giving up but I mean- I don't need glasses. That's kinda a lie but they are nerdy. They are proven scientifically to be less attractive. And If you disregard all of that.

NONE OF MY FRAMES FIT RIGHT

AND THEY ARE EXPENSIVE, VERY VERY EXPENSIVE.

I'm thinking as a poor guy with marginally bad eye sight... I mean I don't go to malls a lot or anything and the street sign names/businesses in big letters aren't that important, I may be better off taking them off and only wearing them when I drive at night even though my glasses don't really help with my astigmatism but they make the whole night driving experience less shitty.

The worst part about my vision is my astigmatism. And I mean I could adapt... sorta. My eye sight won't get worse if I ditch the glasses bc of cost....

My Eye sight could get a lot worse if I wear glasses with the focal point off with an astigmatism...

And idc what my eye doctor said- i absolutely do have an undiagnosed astigmatism in my right eye. And if I don't- my glasses lens poor focal point is giving me one. I got to test it at night with my right eye opened only and see without my glasses but with my glasses I have astigmatisms in both eyes.

I could very well be worsen my vision everyday I wear online glasses.

And it's not my fault frames from stores are over 100-200$ and then lenses are over 100$.

My insurance paid 26$ for my glasses 2 years ago and if I wanted anti-reflective which would have made them wearable and not cloudy I would have had to pay 80$ out of pocket. Not to mention they were tight and uncomfortable anyways.

In a perfect world, I'd get glasses made right for my eyes. Get another eye exam to determine if my right eye has an astigmatism or if it's just the focal point being off... and I'd get one or two pairs with insurnace incase I break them.

I'd wear them everyday and finally STFU about my glasses fit/focal point/comfort and I'd forget I was wearing them and just see normally.

This isn't a perfect world. There is about a 99%, chance I'm ditching my glasses bc my off focal point could be causing a fucking astigmatism in my right eye. The blinder I get the worse the script and the MORE EXPENSIVE IT BECOMES.

All I know is I'm putting this to bed soon as I'm annoyed with talking about fucking glasses 24/7 and worrying about them. They could be causing more harm than good.

In all fronts, my eye sight, my stress level, financially..

[babygirlaffirmations]

11-17-23

For the most part everything is accurate as far as to what happened on each day. But I've had a lot of cummies and sometimes my memory isn't great. Everything happened it's just some minor things on what day.

Tuesday: part written in a previous. Deepest little space. Need refresh on what to write here. Puyallup class. Talk with Akira where he admits to being sexist. Just wanted to try to build a community connection. Was gross. 26 cummies. First long drive where we really utilized that car time for cummies. Going to his class full of his cummies. I can't remember which day. I think this one. There was one scene that he suggested a pause. And used the brief pause to text his wife while I was naked and run down on his bed. I was pissed.

Wednesday: Work scheduled from 9-4. Get sent home early. Take food to go. Master's first experience at the bodega before it closes. Get sent off work at about 2:30. Patrick was mad I spent like 5 mins with Master in a booth. When it was dead. And I was supposed to go home early anyways. Get food to go. See bodega. Go back to the hotel and eat food next to him on the pet bed. I think this is the day we were at the end of the meal and he ended up walking out for a call. Right after I had just said being at his feet was my favorite place. Irony and a slap in the face. His class 6-9. Edmonds class. 40 cummies.

Thursday: Contract start. Empty class. Kitty play. Missed doctor's appointment. Snapdoodle. Bought a sticker. Bought my kitty play collar and tag.

Day starts with us having a 11:45 appointment for my doctor. We went up running late after sleeping in and breakfast pickup at Starbucks taking too long. Rescheduled for 1:15. Used the interim to go to snapdoodle and get toys. Got my fidget snake doodle. Got my crumble fidget, a tiny cow, and a gold bath bomb. Went to the appointment. Got medication refills put in. Got another appointment set with Dian. Set an appointment next month with a nutritionist. So I can see someone again about my Arfid and also work on my cholesterol lowering. Trying to add more fruit in. Decided to skip zoo to try to prioritize contract. That ended to not done early like we wanted. Instead went to pet store for kitty play collar and tag. Decided my kitty play name can be my sub name, Phedra. It's a cute pink collar with stones on it that look like pearls. And silver ones. And a jack skellington tag. Went and got some basic groceries and ate tendies. Traffic was awful and we ended up getting to his office like 7-10 mins late. I guess someone showed up and left cuz the building was locked. But everything happens for a reason. We ended up using 2.5 hours of down time there for a big combined paper pros and cons list. And then rough draft our contract. And use car ride to think of new habits to add to obedience app. We started a like 1.5 hour car ride talk about the realistic expectations of dating him. As far as his family needing access to him. Which interrupts a lot. Multiple times daily. And that often every 4-5 visits his family comes with him to Seattle and stays with him. Which means likely 2 or so skipped visits a year. I think realistically as much as it sucks it would help to at least get one date night in on those times. So we don't have a 2 month drought. I know I would be absolutely shattered and devastated to skip a visit. Knowing the prior visit that a month will be skipped may also help. If we could even get a small date and/or time for sexy time at all that visit it would help tremendously. The idea of being put on the back burner for a visit sounds so awful. Won't be the next visit since Master let me request it off already. But that's gonna break me into a million pieces. That whole interim will suck. That whole month will suck. And during that specific week I'm gonna be absolutely likely not able to function at all. Everything else seems miniscule to the idea of missing a whole visit when that's all we have in person. Really hoping he can work with his wife and family and minimize missed visits. It would be nice if we never had to do that... But unrealistic. But ideal. 😵‍💫 It would also be nice if they could talk and we could have one night that week where she watches the kids. But may have to settle for a couple hours instead of most of a week. Which is already a lot. But would prefer that over going 2 months without my amazing Master and owner. We need that physical. And our physical connection is so strong in so many ways. Our mostly long/short distance relationship needs the visits to keep thriving. Neither of us would be happy with an only long distance relationship. Or losing a big chunk of what in person time we do have. Anyways done harping on that. After our long talk. Filling out that pros and cons list and rough drafting the contract and listening to a chapter of Kushiel's dart together. After all that we got back to the hotel. And decided we had time and space for the kitty play scene we had planned and that I smartly purchased 2 hours of on obedience. Crawling. Playing with yarn. Master taunting me because I couldn't speak. (which I asked for) lots of meowing. Pet bed time. Being walked on a leash. Full nudity. Couldn't get plug to work because it hurt. **This is the fucking third time I've had to type this part of the night because Tumblr is a piece of shit and gave me an error twice. So I've had to move it over to Google note.

What I wrote. Two times. Is how I moved it into sexual contract and how it ended. I rubbed and nuzzled into his cock. And started sucking his cock. And he moved me over to the pet bed. And said he was going to breed me. I had meows of me being in heat. (also I totally forgot my secret talent of being able to purr until I was in the moment.) So he fucked and bred. Cumming in me. At one point stepping on my head. So hot. Moved me to the bed. Started using princess kisses while making eye contact. Fingers. I got to like 68-70. He checked in. And I was a greedy kitty and wanted more. Full of his seed. After so many cummies. He used his hitachi and sometimes fingers to bring me up to 101 cummies. We passed our record. He wrote all over me. And after had me guess what number we hit. And used my hands to write out 101. I was shocked. Our newest daily record. And 101 was the strongest orgasm of the night. And may be the strongest I've ever had with him. So hot. We snuggled. I suggested a light bath. He sat behind me in the tub. Moved me to the bed after he dried me off. Got me under the covers. He had to hold me up a lot of it for walking at that time. Including to help me pee after I had laid down. He when brought me back. Got me comfy under the covers again. Cuffed me. Started playing a nature channel. And I nodded off to watching pretty yellow bugs. And then we both fell asleep.

Friday (today): started off stressful. We had an amazing scene last night. That I'll write more about on the Thursday portion. Started the day off awful. Master woke up at 7 and had an hour long text conversation. And it kept me awake. I was on like 6.5 orgasms. Post 101 orgasms just from Thursday. Ended up crying in bed. Even after all that I straddled him and ended up sucking his cock after. And sat on top of him to ride him. And stuck his cock in me. And we got to 13 cummies before he made me get off and have us start the day. We had breakfast. He made me waffles and gave me a banana I ate half of. He made a breakfast sandwich for himself. And then we headed off to the zoo. Was amazing. Apparently Master is a big zoo buff. Made a pressed coin together. Got zoozoo the angry red finger panda. Rode the carousel at the end. That was my fav. Spent like an hour or over half the time at the farm area. Got a cute photo of me petting one of the cows by stepping up on the fence. Got one cow kissie. Got cute photos of us together. New ones finally. Finished the zoo. Went to the first hill campus early. Parked. Got IHOP. Cute vanilla date where we could just be a couple. Staring into his gorgeous eyes. Anand ended up texting. And we ended up all 3 finally meeting. Master and I agree he is too disappearing. No spark. Not interested in more. Or really able to provide aftercare. After that we looked around at that bookstore. The puppy was cute he brought though. Then we got snackies for this class at QFC. And water at whole foods. Spent a few mins in the car. And went up to his class. Briefly talked about my emotional struggle of the moment. And now we're here. Me typing this in his class of the night. Honestly was pleasantly surprised that he was super present the whole visit. I really loved that.

*Going to try to make time for finishing the contract and adding in talked about obedience habits to the app. Not trying. Prioritizing. And either anal or finally swallowing his cum for the first time. I want the anal. We haven't had a full successful anal yet. We had a failed attempt. And then a partially satisfying attempt. But not him being able to fuck my ass to the extreme with force and cum in my butt.