#and soon it will be over and they’ll start cutting hours really hard bc we’re going into the retail off-season

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I am. so tired. :’)

[mxvladdy]

I have a prompt idea! The Brothers reacting to an MC that can regenerate after they die. Someone stabbed them? The wound will close in a bit. Did they fall from a high place and their body shattered? It’s all good, they’re body’ll just snap everything back into place as they’re conscious. We’re they poisoned? They’ll treat it like a stomach bug and be fine the next day. Funny part is MC could tell them the worst ways they died during their childhood in a lighthearted way which makes things more disturbing, especially since demon threats against them won’t work.

Ok first time I read this prompt I had a good laugh bc all I could think about was an MC that made that little squeaking noise those rubber chickens make when they inflate every time they regenerated lmaoooo. Could you imagine the pavlovian response all the brothers get if they hear a squeak? Like Lucifer would be trying to sleep and Cerberus finds one of his old chew toys and the fear it brings is legendary.

TW: Death, Blood, Injuries

Lucifer

When you first tell him he has no idea if it was a crude joke or not. You are so blasé about something that should traumatize you. He hates how you snort at his every threat. What good is blackmail if you don’t go for it?

He does not believe you at first. Just another little human talking big trying to impress him. He would keep a keen eye on you too, making sure they have no reason to get even so much of a scrape on their knee. Believe you or not he doesn’t need this program to fail. Then Belphie happened. Seeing your lifeless body made so many things happen in his mind he felt physically ill. He hadn’t felt like crying so hard since Lilith…

And then you sit up and crack your spine, like you were waking up from a nap instead of getting up after being thrown from the second story.

He-is relieved, and terrified. Were humans supposed to do that? He doesn't remember reading this particular ability in his father’s schematics. He believes you now nonetheless.

But he still doesn’t let you just go getting hurt whenever you feel like it.

“Absolutely not.” He shakes his head firmly. He is unfazed by your cute little pout and huffing.

“Lotan is friendly!” You try again pushing the form back at him defiantly. Lucifer picks it up again against his better judgment and scoffs. Friendly, if Lotan is friendly then Cerberus was a saint. “Come on what’s the worst that can happen? I’m out of school for a day or two if things get dicey.” You plead leaning up and over his desk. Ugh. He rubs at his temple in annoyance.

“The fact that you think skipping a few days of school because you became fish food as a minor hindrance terrifies me.” He drolls but picks up his feathered quill irregardless. You squeal in delight and hug him fiercely, managing to pull a smile out of him. They grab the liability agreement and run out the door already shouting for Levi to hurry up before Lucifer changes his mind. He chuckles leaning back in his chair. Fine, if they are happy… let it be on their head if it severs. Wait- could they regenerate from that? “Shit.”

Mammon

He believes you. Not because he takes their word for it but the first night on duty as your caretaker you fall out of his balcony window.

One minute they are having a heated argument about his unwanted duties, him hovering over you while you lean up against the railing refusing to break eye contact. Next thing he knows the old stone gives and you both tumble.

He has wings and catches himself. You- not so much. He can still hear the sickening crunch of bone meeting stone when he lays awake at night. The first thing he worries about is how much trouble he would be in with Lucifer that he failed again. He's a blubbering mess over your body swearing he would do better if they would just get up. Whatever you want it’s theirs if you just open their eyes.

And of course, you do. He won’t admit to the scream that erupts from his mouth when you ask him to swear on that deal or they are going to Lucifer as soon as they can feel their legs. He agrees readily, glad his hide is saved for now.

When you two become closer he figures why not make some money off of this little quirk. Enter the troublesome duo of grifters.

You whimper, hamming it up for the terrified looking demon glazing between your broken leg and Mammon wiggling his ring heavy fingers at them. “Look what ya did to my human.” He tuts. “What, ya don’t look both ways when riding.” He kicks at the upended bike by his feet. The demon sputters swearing that they did and neither of them had been in the way.

“Mammon~” His human sniffles flashing him a teary eyed pout. To the other lesser demon it looked like a plea, but Mammon knew it was a warning that your leg would start mending soon.

“Who do you think is gonna pay for this?” He goes in for the kill waving his free arm down at his human’s prone form. “You want Lucifer or Diavolo ta hear about this? Ya know this human is special to us.” The demon blanches and shakes its head. Terrified it threw its wallet at the avatar of greed and bolted leaving their bike and bag behind. Waiting for the demon to be completely out of earshot Mammon turns with a dazzling smile. “Damn,” He whistles, helping his human back to their feet. Already the bone and skin had mended leaving only an ugly red stain on the fabric of their uniform. “I think you just moved up the ranks of my most favorite things. Gonna rival Goldie soon if this picks up...” He opens the wallet and pockets the handful of cash in it, tossing the worn fabric to the street floor.

“Hey.” Mammon looks down at you. You were now scowling eying his pant pocket. “Don’t forget your side of the bargain.” He chuckles raising his hands in defeat.

“Alright- Alright. One stupidly expensive ice cream coming up.” He can't hide his blush when you hug his arm close to your chest, excitedly leading him back to the main street.  

Leviathan

Oh like in that one anime???

But really, he is the first to take your word for it. Finds it kinda neat. Not that he is going to test it. Who would he have to play with if you were just yanking his chain?

He listens to absolutely spine chilling tales of your little “mishaps” as a child. But you brush off his concern. Don’t worry about it! Makes for great stories. To tell right?

Of course, when he sees it first hand he forgets for a moment that you would eventually feel better. He left his tank open one night to clean out some debris gunking up the water pump. Damn things get stalled so frequently now. He turns his back for a moment to get a tool and the next he smells human blood in the water!

He scoops you out of the water before whatever fiendish creatures he holds in his aquarium can take a bite and gets you to solid ground. He is panicking hardcore, he doesn’t feel a pulse. He sees that they smashed their head, blood pooling sluggishly down your temple. You must have slipped on the wet tank edge and hit their head.

Just when he is about to name another Henry in your honor you pop up spitting out whatever water that had gotten into their lungs. They flash him a knowing smirk at his red-rimmed eyes and joke that they have a killer headache.

Nurse Levi to the rescue!

Levi checks in on you again, leaning over the edge of his tank. “D-don’t you move a muscle!” He shouts down to you. Squinting he sees a hand emerging from the mound of pillows and blankets inside his tub-bed. you shoot him a quick thumbs up before turning your attention back to his giant flat screen. “You sure you don’t need Barbatos or some pain meds?” He frets. He was close to just giving up on the pump and coming to take care of his miraculously healed guest.

“Levi I’m fine! Not even sleepy.” Your muffled reply wafts up to him. You push down some of the blankets to give him a relaxed smile. “See not even a scar.” You show him the side of their head that had been cut. Sure enough, nothing was there but a smoothed patch of skin. It lessens some of his panic, but barely. He knew internal damage was still a thing to humans.

Finishing up quickly with the pump he slithers back down to your side sheepishly. He had apologized what felt like a thousand times, but he was ready to drop a couple thousand more if need be. His looming causes you to look up from the anime you were watching. The flashing blue and yellow lights illuminate their calm gaze. None of the panic he felt seemed to transfer to you. “Want to join me?” You pat at the covers. “Waters warm.” You chuckle at their own joke pulling the blue covers down and away to give him room to join them.

“I-if you’re sure.” He stammers wiping at his face to hide his flush. You nod, patting the empty side again. He joins you snuggling close, he runs a hand where a gruesome scar had been not even an hour again. You nuzzle in close. His slightly cool fingers felt great on your skin before turning back to the screen completely nonplussed.

What a weird human...

Satan

Much like Lucifer doesn’t believe you. He has never heard or read about humans being able to do that. Will not believe them and gets annoyed by the “fake” stories you kept insisting were real.

The fact that a single human has such a vividly morbid imagination fascinates him, but he won’t divulge in your little fantasy. There is only so much foolishness he can deal with.

He forgets about it after a while and you stop bringing it up. If he doesn’t believe you so be it, he’ll find out one day surely, you aren’t exactly the most careful with your body. When he does find out it about does him in.

He had warned them of climbing on his bookshelves. He doesn’t have them tethered down or stable. He doesn’t need them to be. His shelves would never even dare to topple on him. But this weak little human takes his room as a personal jungle gym, climbing up him and his things for a book. They could just ask but Devil’s forbid they did something halfway intelligent.

You hear him fretting through the fog coating your senses. His fingers shakily poking at your crushed abdomen and legs all bent akimbo clearing broken. “Don’t be dead-please don’t do this.” He hisses about ready to use magic to put you back together again. You pull your strength and grab his hand before he can interfere with your natural healing ability.

He starts, green eyes looking down relieved and amazed at you. “Don’t.” You croak, already feeling your lungs and rib cage healing. “I’m good.”  

“You’re good!” He shouts voice cracking in exasperation. “I’ve seen the aftermath of Beel’s feeding rampages that have looked better!” You snort pushing his hands away to rest up on your elbows. Eh- he wasn’t exactly wrong.

“I look like a chewed-up burger huh?” You joke laughing at his stunted and slightly disgusted look. “I’ll be ok, just help me up? My legs are always tingly after healing.” Wordlessly he follows your instructions amazed at how well you are handling all of this. Were you actually human? You stand on wobbly legs bending and popping your joints. You give yourself a quick check over “Tada!” You give him two very bloody thumbs ups once you see that you are back to normal. “It’s all good!”

He shakes his head bewildered. “I-if you say so.” Satan wrinkles his nose looking at the mess of your clothes and his room. “Go wash up. I’ll get you a new set of clothes and work on this mess.” You nod already heading to his slightly cleaning bathroom. His warm hand wraps around your wrist catching you mid stride. “Don’t tell anyone about this ok?” He pleads. If anyone knew that he had been so foolish, he would never live it down.

You nod miming zipping your lips. “Betcha believe me know huh?”

He rolls his eyes turning to the task at hand. “Don’t push your luck, or next time I’ll leave you under a shelf.”    

Asmodeus

Believes you. You have never lied before so why do it now over something so trivial. Humans die all the time and if you say you can't then ok. He asks tons of questions about how you found out about this.

He doesn't like the stories you tell but doesn't find it off-putting how easily you talk about it. He's been around the block with mortals and they cope in all sorts of ways.

He cuddles you and coos over every story you tell then shoots off hundreds of compliments about your complexion. It's amazing how well your skin holds up to all the foolish actions of your past.

Even though he trusts you and your stories he still is super careful with you. You are not going to get hurt on his watch, absolutely not! Will patch you up if you need it all while gripping about your foolishness.

But accidents happen, and even the most watchful demon trips up sometimes.

Asmo tuts over you rubbing at the potion burning away at your flesh. "I told you the maroon bottle love." You hiss as the antiseptic hits muscle.

"Maroon and burgundy look the same, bite me!" He clicks his tongue and bites off the argument brewing within him. How can you not see how different the two colors are. You grouch some more while he works on getting the rest of his potion off your cheek. You had just wanted to use one of his acne toner, the one that smelled like cucumber and rose. He was preoccupied with his eyeliner but told you to just grab it from his shelf. He had a lot of bottles and a lot of them were definitely not for human use. 

You unfortunately just happened to pick one of them. The one you nabbed was a toner built for his stronger skin. It ate away at your cheeks and flesh of your palm on contact. It's burning and tingling making you yelp in surprise. Luckily for you, Asmo acted fast coming up from behind and knocking the toner-soaked cotton pad from your reddening fingers. He curses at you the whole way to his bathroom. Done with your right cheek and hand he nods in approval, seeing your flesh already knitting back together. "At least you have lovely bone structure. Ahhh~ I'm jealous!" He pokes a nail at the exposed bone of your cheekbone. The mending muscles and nerves almost growing over his nail before he could pull away. You quirk a brow.

"Want them? I'm pretty sure I could regrow my jawline before anybody would notice. " You shrug taking the washcloth from him to dap at your left cheek. Asmo laughs, it was a ridiculously tempting offer after all.

"Could you?" He taps at his own chin in thought. You glance back at him and sits on the toilet. In theory, you probably could. Hadn't happened...yet.  

"Ye- just give me a heads up first? And maybe some good booze to knock me out." You say only half-joking. Asmo nods eagerly, twirling a lock of soft tawny hair. He might take you up on the offer.  

Beelzebub

He doesn't want to know and he never wants to find out. He just likes you too much to see you get hurt :(. It gets to the point where you cannot bring any past stories of incidents (no matter how funny you think they are). If a story comes out be prepared to be carried everywhere by this gentle giant. If you won't cease your foolishness then he will.

Though he probably should have heard a few of the stories. Mostly the ones about poisons and inedible things you use to eat. A lot of his world revolves around food and he loves to share it with you.

He never heard you complain about the foods he had you try with him. It wasn't until Simeon and Luke tagged along did he learn the awful truth that he had been poisoning you almost every time you two went out.  

Takes him forever to get out of his head about it. You are clearly fine and never brought it up because you just loved spending time bonding with him.

You find him in the ally behind the restaurant. His massive form curled in on itself from where he sat. "Why didn't you tell me?" He rumbles hearing you approach to stand next to him. "I could have killed you." You sit squat next to him resting your arms on your knees.

"I mean...if we are keeping count it would be dead about eight times over by this point." You meant it to be funny but he groans in anguish pulling at his hair. You grab his fists and pry them from his scalp. "Hey! Hey!" You pat his knuckles, eyes filled with concern. "I'm still here right, still kicking and eating all these awesome foods, don't worry. Please?"  You can tell your words do not calm him but he doesn't pull from your grasp either. "If you are curious, all the foods that would have done me dirty just gave me some bad cramps and gas for the evening. Nothing a tum and hot tea couldn't fix." You fill the air with useless chatter, all while stroking his knuckles.

You really wish that Luke hadn't said anything. Simeon had read the room, his neat brown brows raising in astonishment as you sank into the meal Beel bought for you. But he otherwise stayed silent tucking into his own meal without a fuss. You couldn't completely blame Luke though. He was young and just looking out for you. Though, he-well- both of you could have handled it better. With him screaming and you screaming, it was a recipe for disaster.

Beel rises a few minutes later rubbing at his burning eyes. "Are you sure you are ok?" He checks in with you once more. You nod perking up as you see him grunt in acceptance. "Just let me know next time you can't eat something."

"But it tastes good!" You pout. He frowns not budging from his spot until he sees you sigh in defeat and agree. No more purposely poisoning yourself just for munchies. "Fine-but you are just saying that to get extra portions."  

Belphegor

He finds out when he kills your dumbass for believing him. It totally harshed his vibe.

Here he was getting an amazing monologue, reveling in his eldest's brothers' anguish and look of anger from the prince. He was ready to give his final performance and hopefully wipe the floor with that red-headed bastard plans to "commingle"

He tossed your "lifeless" body from him, taking a sick amount of pleasure in the way your body flopped down the stairs. He notices how the other brothers seem completely unfazed by your corpse at their feet.

Huh? Perhaps they didn't understand the actions he did. Or maybe they truly have given into the demons they had become. He stops his tirade only when he watches Asmo bend down and poke at your cheek. He didn't look sad, just merely annoyed. Like you were taking too long to get up.

But that is impossible. You would never get up again... 

Mammon rolls his eyes at his youngest brother's actions. Honestly, he loved the little edge lord, but this was ridiculous. He had a racket to go check on. His hand drifts down slowly to his pocket. If he just angled it right he could probably check his phone without looking rude. He makes eye contact with Satan and jerks his head exasperatedly at Lucifer and Belphegor going at it. The blonde shakes his head and shrugs. Slowly he inches closer so Mammon can go on his phone without getting caught. Covering for Mammon Satan looks around the room feigning interest.

Beelzebub and Leviathan seemed mildly more attentive to what was going on than him. The latter of the two eating it up like an arch in an anime, while the former was trying desperately to placate his twin. Asmodeus on the other hand was having none of this. He plops down next to your body turning your head to face him. He checks you over quietly ignoring the storm exploding out of his elder brother and the rest of the gang. "Honestly darling," He strokes the bridge of your nose, feeling the bone and cartilage shifting back into place beneath his finger. "is this a good time to ask if I can have your jawline?" He sees the corner of your lips twitch.  He leans in and whispers in your ear. "How long are you going to play dead?"

"Am I boring you, brother?" Asmo glances up from his position over your head. Belphegor looks down at his face apoplectic with rage at being ignored. "And I see you on your phone Mammon!"

"Shove it! I got shit to do!"

Asmo gets to his feet dusting off his pants and ruffles. He shrugs up at Belphie who was doing a great interpretation of Lucifer when angry. He was so much like Lucifer it was scary sometimes. "Sorry honey! Just check on my bestie."

Belphie snorts making his way down to the first floor. "Just checking I killed-"

You pop up grunting loudly as your spine reconnects. "Help your bestie up?" You raise a hand for Asmo who happily takes it. You turn your back to a dumbfounded Belphie and Lucifer, both not understanding what just happened.

"About time." Mammon sighs pocketing his phone. "I got some idiots we can swindle out of some grimm."

"Oi!" Satan butts in cutting Mammon off. "You had your turn! I have some spells they said they would help me test out."

You grin, not fighting it as the two tug at you like a toy between toddlers.

"Enough!" The two jump away from you at Lucifer's roar. You squeak in surprise when a firm leather-gloved hand spins you around so you could stand face to face with a fully shifted Lucifer. "You!" He runs his hands over you in disbelief. "How..." Your first conversation with him comes back to mind.

I can't die so try to threaten me with something else next time K?

"Would someone tell me WHAT is going on and why they are still breathing!" Belphie pushes through to you and Lucifer.

Beel grabs him up before he could get his claws into you again, stroking his dark hair like you would an angry cat. "It's a long story..."

[stargaze-issei]

Hi I was wondering if you could do some headcanons for Todoroki, Bakugo, Shoji and Tokoyami where maybe their s/o is injured after protecting some classmates for example how would they react after hearing about it and act towards the ones they were protecting and how they are really soft to their s/o. Does that make sense? Ooh and maybe how their class is shocked at them being soft towards their s/o. Sorry the request is so long

hi! this made me so soft, and i love every character so 🥺 thanks for requesting, bb! this is gonna be long lmao, so it's under the cut.

(also, im sorry for todoroki's one being so angsty and this taking so long, i had a couple of... rough days)

— 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬/𝐨 + 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮, 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢, 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐣𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐢.

bakugou katsuki.

-> bakugou loves to see you work hard and push your own limits.

-> often, he just let's you train however you think it's best.

-> so when you say you're going to have some extra training with kirishima, he wishes you luck.

-> "don't be late for dinner, dumbass, or i'll kick shitty hair's ass" ofc he won't kick you, you're his precious s/o.

-> when you arrived to the gym kirishima had requested, there he was, accompanied by deku.

-> "i hope you don't mind midoriya tagging along", you didn't, actually.

-> everything went as usual, a few punches here and there, some laughs.

-> but, somehow, while both you and deku were testing red riot's resistance, izuku got way too into it and didn't realize only kirishima's arms were hardened.

-> you saw a kick flying to the red hair's torso, and your body moved by itself.

-> the impact had you thrown to the other side of the gym, barely staying conscious.

-> to you, everything was so fast.

-> to bakugou it was the other way around.

-> a sweaty kirishima appeared, looking desperately for him, without making one coherent sentence.

-> "y/n... infirmary... bad"

-> katsuki had NEVER blast out so fast. like, NEVER.

-> when he got to recover girl's office, you were sleeping. she explained to him that there wasn't anything major, but you were extremely tired, therefore, sleeping. recommended a few days of rest, and then you'd be good as new.

-> of course he heard you were never recovering almost dying.

-> deku was a crying mess, poor him was so scared, kirishima was trying to calm him down but it was impossible.

-> when bakugou knew HE had hurt YOU?

-> "what the fuck were you even doing there, huh? a damn quirk stealer like you shouldn't be fucking allowed near people who earned they own place here. what? were you jealous of them? stop fucking crying and ow–"

-> "katsuki. stop." nobody saw you woke up, you'd had to thank your boyfriend for that.

-> you asked everyone to leave and explained bakugou it wasn't midoriya's fault, so he shouldn't bully him.

-> he said yes to you but had now intention of stopping lmao.

-> they took you to your dorm room, where bakugou had already set a bed under yours so he could watch over you at nights.

-> nobody dared to stop him.

-> until you were allowed to go back to classes, he was to your demand. everyone was so surprised to see bakugou katsuki doing what he was asked willingly.

-> AND THE LOOKS HE GAVE TO DEKU.

-> poor broccoli boy wasn't allowed to even look at you without gaining a whole menu of insults.

-> he apologized writing a note he gave to todoroki who gave it to you.

-> katsuki is really worried, like, reaaaally worried, so he makes you healthy meals, takes it to your room so you don't move too much and then washes the dishes.

-> "geez maybe i have to ask midoriya to kick me more often" HE WOULD LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE AND CALL YOU THE BIGGEST IDIOT WITH NO HINT OF LOVE 😭

-> at school, he doesn't leave your side. if you complain on anything, even if it has NOTHING to do with your injury, won't stop until he fixes it.

-> kaminari, mina and sero tease him so. fucking. bad.

-> kirishima is kinda scared bc he thought you were dead for a second so prefers to let bakugou take good care of you.

-> whenever you feel a little pain at the place of the hit, he will warm his hands and put them on your torso.

-> the warm feeling helps to ease the pain, and he has an excuse to touch you. win win.

-> he's not angry at kirishima at all, even, if he has to leave you, kirishima is in charge of taking care of you.

-> but your favorite time is when you're alone with him, after school.

-> he'll get so soft towards you, stroking your hair, kissing your head.

-> the day after the accident, it was mainly because he was genuinely scared of something happening to you.

-> "you're so fucking dumb, shitty hair can take hits better than you do, what on earth was i supposed to do if you were actually hurt? don't do that, ever again, got it?"

-> you got a huge bruise from the impact though, and he kisses it before going to sleep to make sure it doesn't hurt 🥺

that was completely out of character but idcccc

todoroki shoto.

-> he's... intense, to say the least.

-> but it's just with you, like, he doesn't show it to everybody.

-> both of you are doing your internship, so you haven't spoke as much as usual.

-> he misses you, but knows you're fulfilling your dreams, so he'll wait.

-> you went to uwabami agency, along with yaoyorozu and kendou.

-> even though mostly it was just being her assistant, this one time you were called to a collapsed zone just outside of tokyo.

-> supposedly, the area was already secure when you arrived, you, momo and kendo used your quirks to help rescue trapped people wherever uwabami told you.

-> momo was trying to help a civilian, and didn't notice the big rock falling from above.

-> you launched yourself towards them, trying to push them out of the way.

-> the rock hit you instead.

-> you didn't remember a thing after that.

-> todoroki was at his father's agency when he got the call.

-> "please, get to the hospital quickly, i– y/n's in really bad shape, please, i'm so sorry"

-> to hear yaoyorozu crying, saying you were in the hospital?? he couldn't move at first. like, frozen.

-> but after understanding what was going on, he got to the hospital even before the ambulance.

-> he heard a commotion in the e.r., and run there.

-> you were on a gurney, covered in dirt and blood, carried by a bunch of paramedics screaming things to each others.

-> todoroki couldn't hear a thing, all he could focus on, was on your unconscious body.

-> he felt a hand placing on his shoulder, yaoyorozu was still crying and trying to explain him what had happened.

-> but he wanted to touch you, seeing you like that, like you were dead right in front of his eyes, he needed to feel your warm.

-> three nurses were needed to hold him from getting near you.

-> he was losing his little composure, and his left arm began to feel hotter and hotter.

-> you were taken to the operation room, leaving him on the edge of combusting in tears of impotence.

-> even though momo tried again and again to explain him, he shut down everything except you.

-> all he could think about was you, lying in a operation table, fighting for your life.

-> the rest of the u.a. arrived with time, the procedure didn't end.

-> everyone was more than shocked to see todoroki so feral, a single word or touch from someone could develop in a big fire, from the guy.

-> when the doctor finally came, shoto almost tackled him.

-> "they're going to be fine, there were a couple complications during the procedure, but everything turned out okay. we'll keep them in here for two weeks, in observation, but we're confident that they'll be leaving in less than a month".

-> for the first time in hours, todoroki actually breath.

-> the doctors allowed him into your room, and he decided to stay there until you could leave.

-> NOBODY was allowed there, besides your family and doctors.

-> he really felt like anyone else would hurt you.

-> when you woke up, he was sleeping besides you.

-> "oh, you're awake, baby, you're awake" as soon as he saw you, he took you into his arms.

-> after the doctors gave you permission to leave, he was right by to your side the whole time.

-> at the dorms, todoroki woke up before you to help you get ready, and went to sleep after so he made sure you were okay.

-> izuku understood your boyfriend worried, but highkey worried about his health.

-> for a while, todoroki ignored yaoyorozu existence, even if he knew it wasn't actually her fault, he hated that you put yourself in danger for someone else.

-> with time, you recovered and todoroki started to go back to his usual self.

-> but everyone remembered how hard can be to todoroki when his loved ones are in danger.

-> im sorry this doesn't have so much fluff

shoji mezou.

-> with shoji, we're going to skip right after you get injured.

-> because i'm sure he wouldn't be upset at whoever you were protecting.

-> he's a very logical dude, and understand you were doing your job as a hero.

-> and he loves you for it.

-> when they told him you got wounded, he tried real hard to hide how worried he was.

-> you are pretty strong, and lowkey stubborn so you accept getting treated instead of saying "it was nothing"?

-> it has to be at least a little serious.

-> but he's shoji, he's cool headed, he doesn't let his feelings cloud his judgement.

-> turns out, that rule didn't apply to you.

-> don't get me wrong, he didn't get violent like bakugou or todoroki.

-> he did freaked, asked recovery girl about your condition every five minutes.

-> "can i see them now? oh, right, sorry... are they alright? when will they be able to leave? can i go in now?"

-> no one had ever seen him so openly worried.

-> it's really observant, if you go back to school right after the incident, will notice immediately if something is wrong.

-> like you're in pain, or even uncomfortable because of your injury.

-> ask for permission to take you back to the dorms, you need to get rest and won't even argue about it.

-> if you have to stay in bed for a couple of days, be sure he will spend his day there.

-> tries everything to take your mind off your boring room.

-> tells you stories, lame jokes, keeps you updated on the class gossip, even if he usually doesn't like that kind of stuff.

-> "huh, yeah, midoriya and uraraka? right, they like each other, hm, i saw them having lunch together"

-> he might be a human radar but it's pretty much clueless when it comes to this things.

-> "they always have lunch together, mezou!" be nice to him, he's trying his best ):

-> i think everyone expects shoji to be soft when it comes to you, but not that soft.

-> once they saw him carrying you in his arms down the stairs, because "your wound hurt".

-> tokoyami was certainly shocked to see his friend like that.

-> is always hugging you with one or two of his arms.

-> will try to cook healthy meals, but fails.

-> he wants you to have enough nutrients and heal properly, okay?

-> buys you your favorite snacks and candies before going to the dorms.

-> shoji doesn't want his beloved s/o to get depressed for being locked up too long, and gives his best to make you feel happy.

-> is insanely shy about it though, and will try to hide his excellent-boyfriend side.

-> lots!! of!! cuddles!!

-> if you're okay with it, will take advantage of the situation and cuddle you like crazy.

-> i mean, you can't get out of bed and he just happens to have six arms willing to keep you warm and cozy.

-> is your number one caretaker and will continue being it until you feel better bc he's best boi 🥰

tokoyami fumikage.

-> just as todoroki, he's intense af.

-> if you're apart, he would text you everyday, you know, just checking.

-> even when he went away to work with hawks, still managed to find the time to talk to you.

-> benefits of being his s/o.

-> and it was at that time you got into an accident.

-> he instantly got worried when you didn't reply to his text after an hour, two hours, three hours.

-> you usually let him know if you're busy, but you just said you were going on a walk with kaminari.

-> hawks saw him getting upset, and gave him permission to go see you.

-> just when he was going out, midoriya called him.

-> "hi, tokoyami, i'm sorry i didn't call you before, um, please don't freak out, y/n got... y/n got hit by a car, but she's okay! it was not as bad as it sounds! we're at recovery–"

-> it wasn't tokoyami who got out of control, it was dark shadow.

-> poor thing got so scared something happening to you, he took tokoyami and flew towards you.

-> when he arrived, kaminari, midoriya, and a couple of your friends were outside u.a.'s infirmary.

-> turns out, while walking with kaminari, messing around, he got distracted and cross the street without looking.

-> the car managed to stop a little but you pushed him out the way and got hit anyways.

-> since there wasn't anything too damaged, recovery girl had already cured you when tokoyami arrived.

-> "are you alright, my love?" he wasn't that good with words, but you felt his worry through his eyes.

-> he couldn't avoid touching your face and arms while you were in the gurney.

-> i think he's those kind of guy who moves frenetically his hands when he's nervous.

-> you had to grab both his hands bc he was getting you nervous lol.

-> "they're fine, but i recommend having a few days off, in case your leg hurts more than normal, let me know, okay?" and with that, dark shadow took you to your room.

-> as worried as he was, he tried to keep his temper.

-> "are you sure you don't need anything? dark shadow can help you down stairs, i can do it too, something to eat, maybe? or s–"

-> you'd have to tell him ten times you're alright, and repeat it another twenty times.

-> and he would still ask you spontaneously.

-> while you're at the dorms and he's at class, people keep asking him how are you.

-> he says you're okay and he isn't worried, but dark shadow practically cries saying how much he misses you.

-> "fumikage misses them too, all he does is thinking about them"

-> tokoyami blushes hard if he can.

-> takes notes in class and gives you your late homework.

-> also helps you do it but do NOT give you the answers, you're smart enough to do it by yourself.

-> "see? i knew you could do it, my love"

-> leave me alone he only calls you my love.

-> he isn't a fan of cuddles, but seeing you in that condition?

-> is one of the few times he ASKS YOU to cuddle.

-> strokes your hair, gives you head kisses.

-> i strongly believe he sings to make you feel better.

[sweetlavenderwritings]

Little to No Space

summary: tendou has a little crush on a certain someone, their straight faced manager that never reacts to his weird shenanigans. his best friend advises that they should get closer. 

-or, you get stuck in a locker with the guess monster.

a/n: this was based off an asmr i listened to a couple nights ago (you were hiding in a locker with a teacher of yours) it was kinda funny bc the one who  voiced it was oikawa’s official va. anyways, take whatever this is lol.

pairing/s: tendou satori x reader

wc: 2 147 (whoops)

tags: crack, comedy(?), humor, ur literally just in a funny situation lol, nsfw implication if u squint

-ꦼ———▸  crossposted on ao3

⋅. ♪ .⋅  Loving Tendou Playlist

“You need to stop staring at our manager and actually talk to her Satori.”  Ushijima’s deep voice broke him out of his trance, catching his attention.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Wakatoshi-kun.” He deflected. Okay, maybe he did tend to stare at you. But he swears he didn’t do it that much.

Ushijima rolled his eyes at that, “I may not be the brightest when it comes people-”

“You got that right.” He snickered while putting his gym clothes away.

“As I was saying, I at least know she isn’t the least bothered by you,” he shut his locker door with a firm bang, interrupting his musing for a moment, “we can all see how she isn’t fazed by whatever antics you flung at her.”

“But that’s just because she’s just like you!” His best friend raised his brows at him. “Not completely, but she’s uhh, I don’t know-stoic. Straight faced and doesn’t say anything much unless necessary.”

“I’m not stoic.” 

“Sure you aren’t.” Has he really not noticed?

“So you’re implying that you can be close to her?” He knew his best friend can be quite obtuse sometimes, but where did that come from?

“That’s not what I’m saying at all, where did even get that idea?” He turned his attention to his duffel bag, already done with the conversation.

But it seems Ushijima wasn’t, “You said she was just like me, even if it was just a bit. And since we’re close, that means you could be with her as well.”

“You’re grasping at short straws here Ushiwaka,” he teased. “Why do you seem so persistent to get me to talk to her?”

“Because I think she might be one of the few people that would actually tolerate your weird personality, rather than shun you for it like most people would.” Oh, that was actually helpful. He knew Ushijima rarely spoke, but whenever he did, it was always something meaningful and helpful.

Ushijima scratched at his neck, looking around the locker room looking for something.

“Uhh, watcha looking for there buddy?”

“I’m missing my pair of socks.” Ushijima groaned. Suddenly, all his previous thoughts of him being meaningful was diminished within a second. 

“That’s the fourth time this week ‘Toshi.”

“I know, but for some reason they don’t end up where they’re supposed to be.” He was pouting, the redhead could tell. You wouldn’t actually see it until you looked closely.

He had to reassure their captain before he drones about ads he read in today’s newspaper. He was not interested in discounts held for sock stores. “We’ll ask the janitors tomorrow, okay? Don’t fret about it.”

Satisfied with his answer, Ushijima nodded. They both grabbed their bags then turned to leave, until they heard a knock at the door.

“Uhm, excuse me. Is Tendou-kun here by any chance?” Speak of the devil...

He stilled, clearly not expecting for you to look for him. He wondered how long you’ve been there, hoping you haven’t heard a single word from their conversation that just happened to be about you.

Ushijima looked at him, a faint smirk curved at the corners of his lips. He gave him a look as if to say, this is your chance.

Without consulting him if he even wanted to answer, he strode towards the door and opened it without warning, causing you to jump back in surprise. The basket of jerseys nearly fell from your hands in shock. 

He mentally slapped himself in the face. Way to go Wakatoshi, scare off our manager.

“Satori’s right here,” He waved to him, standing still like a deer in the headlights. “I must go.” He walked past you, leaving no space for you to even start a conversation with him.

“Oh, uhm alright. Thank you Ushijima-san.” You waved to Ushijima before to turning to him, looking at him with a blank expression.

“I’m sorry, it seems I interrupted you on your way home. But I promise this will be quick.” You said with a flat tone. You reached down on the freshly laundered basket of jerseys, fumbling with the different colored fabrics as you looked for something. 

With a victorious ‘ah’, you held up a familiar pair of socks. 

“I kept seeing these somewhere in your locker rooms whenever I clean after practice. I usually just place them on the benches but this time it was on basket with the rest of the jerseys so I took the liberty to wash them.” He took them from your hands, fingers lightly brushing when he grab ahold of the very socks his best friend was pouting about. He jolted, feeling a sensation from the minimal contact.

Either you ignored him or didn’t notice, which was probably the latter, you moved on to place the basket on a corner. 

‘You need to stop staring at our manager and actually talk to her Satori.’

“So, how are you managing so far manager-chan?” He hoped his voice didn’t reveal how nervous he was to be alone with you. 

In truth, he liked being with you at any chance he could get. It was fun flinging non-nonsensical shit at you, just to get a reaction. It was like a challenge for him really, wanting nothing more than to see you flustered or even better, laugh at his jokes just for once.

You never looked irked or disgusted by his whole demeanor, which was something he appreciated a lot. He hoped you never would, fearing that it might be the inevitable truth he wasn’t willing to accept.

That he was a monster no one could truly understand.

“I’m still afraid of getting hit by a ball every time Ushijima-san serves, but other than that I’m doing fine.” You wiped your forehead with the back of your hand, exhaustion evident on your face. “You’re not going home, Tendou-san? It’s already late, I suggest you hurry now so you can rest easy for tomorrow’s practice.”

He smirks, suddenly feeling a mood for a good teasing. “Dawww, is our dear little manager concerned for the resident Guess Monster?” He quirked a brow as he leered at you with a teasing grin. 

Unperturbed, you tilted your head, looking a bit puzzled. “Of course I am. I am your manager after all, isn’t it my job to look after the team?”

“Don’t be shy, you can just say you like me, manager-chaaan~” He thought really shouldn’t tease you like that but he really can’t help himself.

What happened next surprised him the most.

He figured you’d wave off his teasing like always, roll your eyes then move on with your day. But instead, he spots the blushing of your cheeks. Something he didn’t expect from you at all.

He opens his mouth to say something but stops at the sounds of footsteps nearing the locker room.

Shit. If the team saw you alone with him in the locker rooms at this hour it’ll be the death of him. You wouldn’t have cared, but he knows they’ll hold it over his head and tease him relentlessly, insinuating that there’s something going on between the two of you.

With a hushed ‘Quick!’ he grabs your arm then pulls you into a vacant locker. He shuts the door in haste, making a loud bang that makes him wince. 

“Tendou what’re you-” he shuts you up with a hand covering your mouth. He looks at you pleadingly as he zips up his lips, urging you to stay quiet. You nod with his hand still covering your lips. 

“Hurry up Semi! We’re gonna be late!” Reon’s voice booms loudly as they enter the room, causing the both of you to jump in surprise.

“Wait a damn minute will you? I just forgot my wallet.” The sound of a locker opening fills in the sudden silence. He waits with a bated breath hoping they’ll leave soon.

But it seems that wasn’t the case. 

“Say... Isn’t that Tendou’s duffel bag?” You both hear Shirabu’s voice ask with uncertainty. Tendou freezes, unsure what to do.

There’s a muffled noise of shuffling. “Yeah, it’s his alright. It’s his jacket draped over it.”

“Then why is it still here? Shouldn’t he have left by now?”

“Didn’t we pass by Ushijima just earlier?” Shit. Shit. Shit.

The locker you were both hiding in was getting hotter by the minute. He feels a sweat trickle down his neck as he tries not to breathe loudly as to not grab attention. 

When Ushijima told him to get closer to you, he surely didn’t mean this!

Your soft hands reach to take his off your mouth. He mouths a soft ‘sorry’ but you shake your head softly, not minding his mistake in the slightest. With the ongoing conversation about his whereabouts outside he distracts himself with little details he begins to notice.

Like how you smelled of baby powder and faint deodorant, or how there are strands of your hair sticking to your exposed neck from your ponytail. He tries hard not to think about how close you were. Your shoulders pressed against his chest, head just below his chin, and your hips just right where his-

“Tendou-kun,” he hears you whisper. He cranes his just a bit, trying to get a look at your face. “Your phone is bumping my hip, I know there’s not much space but can you please move it a bit?” 

Phone? What phone? He was pretty sure he left it in his bag━

“Sorry.” He apologizes meekly, wiggling his hips away from you as he desperately wills his sudden hard on to calm down. This locker was gonna be the death of him soon if he stays here any longer. 

He thanks whatever deity is at work above for your obliviousness. A blessing in disguise he’s really thankful at the moment.

“Eh, why’re we wasting time here? He probably just went to the bathroom.” Semi cuts off as he grabs his wallet. Tendou thanks the ashen blond silently, promising not to tease him just for a day.

He hears the door shut. He waits until the footsteps are completely gone, then sighs in relief when no one comes back.

“Phew, that was a close call. Who knows what might’ve happened if they found us here.” He lets out a laugh, “we can leave now, [y/n]-chan.”

Then he’s looking at you, head ducked so he couldn’t see much of your face. But he peers between the strands of your hair and finally notices how flustered you look.

He smirks. “[y/n]-chan?” 

For once in your life, you try to avoid his eyes.“O-oh! Tendou-kun, are they gone yet?” 

“If I knew better manager-chan~ Judging by your flustered face, I would assume you actually wanted to stay here with me.”

Your eyes widen like saucers. “No! It’s just that it’s cramped in here, it got hot so I am blushing for different reasons!” Your composure was breaking by the minute, hands flailing in exaggeration as you try to explain in defense. 

He barks out a laugh. “Manager-chan, I was just kidding! Calm down for me, hm?” You don’t reply.

“Alright, I’m sorry for teasing you.” He says as he reaches for the knob, “let’s just get out of here-”

You shoot your hand on his wrist, surprising the both of you. “Uh... about what you just said.”

He waits for you to continue. With a deep breath you try to finish your sentence. “I don’t mind, being here with Tendou-kun.... that’s all.”

The message clicks in his brain. I like you Tendou-kun.

“Oh.” He replied numbly. He was sure he must’ve looked stupid with the face he was making, still awestruck at what you just admitted.

You giggle, a sound he finds himself emitting to his memory.

“You’re weird as ever Tendou-kun,” the look of adoration you gave him nearly made him choke. “But that’s fine, I like that about you.” 

Two confessions all at once? Was this a dream? Boy, he surely was gonna panic about this to Ushijima later, not that he’d be any of help.

Waving away the butterflies in his stomach, he ruffles your hair. “You’re too full of surprises today [y/n]-chan. Someday you’re gonna give me a heart attack if you just suddenly give me these cute faces without warning.”

He feels himself smile wide at another bashful look you give him.

“Now let’s get out of here.” He twists the knob inside but it doesn’t budge. Confused, he tries to twist it another way but it still doesn’t move. He struggles with it for a minute until he gives up. 

It wouldn’t open.

“Uhh... Tendou-kun, I think we might have to call the others.” He hears you say tentatively. 

“Sure, do you have your phone with you?”

You pat your pockets for a second. “Oh, I must’ve left it in my bag. How about we use your phone instead?” 

“...” 

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [58]

xiii. praimfaya 

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: angst, mentions of radiation sickness/poisoning, injuries, stitching up wounds.

Summary: the end is near, praimfaya approaches. a last minute plan to go to space leaves your small group scrambling to get ready in time. 

a/n: IT’S HERE THE FINALE IS HERE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK BC IT HELPS ME A LOT TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS INTEREST IN SUB ROSA CONTINUING!!! OKAY I LOVE YOU LITTLE MOONS!!! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

March 21st, 2150; Becca’s Lab; less than 2 hours until Praimfaya

The planning that goes into sending 9 people into space is a lot more intense than you expected. You spend the next couple of hours trying to figure everything out, get the rocket modified, and informing those in the bunker of your plans. Right now, you are in the office with Bellamy, sitting near the radio, talking to Octavia. He just told her everything, down to the smallest of your plans, letting her know exactly what challenges you’re facing, and she seems surprised that you’re even doing this. “Five years. Can you really survive up there?”

“Raven says we can. As soon as it's safe, we'll find a way back down. We will meet again.”

“I'll be waiting…” She pauses, giving the moment a dramatic effect before finishing, “Under the floor.”

“You're not that little girl anymore.” He sits back, waiting for her response, met with nothing but silence. He glances at you and then over to the radio, his brotherly instincts kicking in. “What is it, O?”

“I'm not sure I'm up for this, Bell. They look at me like I know what I'm doing, just because I won a fight.”

“They look at you like that because you saved them, but it won't last. Now you have to lead.”

“How? I'm not a leader. It should be you or one of the twins or-”

He cuts her off, nipping the insecurity in the bud. “O, stop. None of us could've done what you did, and it wasn't just winning a fight. You gave people hope when there was none. You're Prometheus, stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race.”

You smile at your history nerd, proud of his metaphor, and Octavia jokes, “Prometheus got chained to a rock so that eagles could eat his liver.”

“Thanks for ruining my metaphor, O.”

You and Bellamy laugh, and you can hear Octavia laughing on the other end before she gets serious again. “I love you, big brother. Guess it takes the end of the world for me to say it.”

He drops his head, and you can see him fighting back tears, after weeks of desperately wanting to hear the words from his little sister. “I love you, too.”

He lets go of the button, and a static that wasn't there before comes through, growing louder and quieter every few seconds. Bellamy looks at the radio in confusion, and then fear, as he questions, “O? Hey, O, are you there?”

When she doesn't answer, he fiddles with the dials, and you stand from your chair nearby and come to settle beside him on the couch, placing your hand on his thigh as he repeats, “Are you there, O?”

When nothing comes through, he drops his head again, the tears threatening to fall, before he pushes them away and whispers, “May we meet again.”

You echo, “May we meet again.”

The door to the office opens and Clarke steps inside, looking happy, blissfully unaware that the radio cut out before you could talk to your mom. She smiles at you, “Hey, do they have her?”

“The radio's dead, we won't get to say goodbye to mom.”

Her face falls at your words and you stand and walk over to her, pulling her into a hug as she starts to cry. You comfort her, feeling your own wash of sadness, and you feel Bellamy place his hand on your shoulder, allowing you to draw strength from him. The moment doesn't last for long though, because Murphy yells from down in the lab, “Twins of Terror, Bellamy, get down here!”

You all run out of the office and down the stairs into the lab, stopping beside the others to watch the giant screens in front of you. One of Becca’s drones is situated outside of Polis, filming the tower, and in the background you can see Praimfaya approaching, the large, fiery death wave barreling towards the tower. You reach out and grab Bellamy’s and Clarke’s hands, all three of you connected as you watch the death wave cover the tower, before it knocks out the drone itself, ending the signal. 

Your stomach drops as the transmission ends, aware that now, all 9 of you are well and truly alone, with no help or assistance coming from your friends and family. Raven stares at the blank screen, her voice a horrified whisper. “It's 210 miles from Polis to the island. According to what was our last drone, the wave is accelerating.”

This new challenge hits her, making her think, and she starts to whisper a list of things that need to be done for this mission to be successful. “If we're not off the ground at least 20 minutes before it hits, the electromagnetic charge in the pyroclastic cloud will shut down the rocket's avionics, meaning it won't fly. That gives us 90 minutes to run a 6 hour preflight check, retrieve the oxygen generator from the lighthouse, turn a cockpit designed for two into one that can carry 9, and load the cargo hold with enough food to keep us from starving in space while we wait for algae to bloom.”

Murphy quips, “I thought you said it was gonna be hard.”

“That's not the hard part. Becca designed her rocket to dock with Polaris, not the Ark. That means I have to pilot it into the hangar bay on the ring.”

Harper looks towards Raven, shaking her head in confusion. “What's so hard about that?”

“That's not the hard part, either.”

Clarke starts to grow exasperated and she looks over at Raven. “What is the hard part, Raven?”

“Assuming we blast off in time, CO2 scrubbers on a two person rocket won't support 9 of us.”

You shrug, “So, we use supplemental oxygen.”

Monty informs you, and the group, what makes that a challenge. “Our tanks only hold an hour of air.”

“Correct. We'll have one hour to get into orbit, land in the hangar bay, and fire up the life support system using an oxygen generator built to supply a lighthouse bachelor pad.”

Murphy looks over at Raven and deadpans, “You suck at talking people into things. You know that, right?”

“Anyone here still need to be talked into this?” Bellamy looks around at everyone, waiting for each of you to shake your head no before he looks at Raven. “Good. Now we know the many ways we might die today, why don't you tell us what we have to do to live?”

Raven turns to the monitor and pulls up a 90 minute timer for all of you to keep an eye on, before she starts to hand out assignments. “Monty and Murphy, I need the two of you to go to the lighthouse bunker and get the oxygen generator.”

She hands them the tools they’ll need and the two boys nod and quickly begin their journey. Raven turns to Harper, Emori, and Echo. “I need you three to help me get the rocket ready, run the preflight check, and pack up the food.”

They nod, awaiting further instruction, before she turns and looks over at you, Bellamy, and Clarke. “I need you to go over the plans again, thoroughly, and make sure all the calculations are correct. Otherwise, this is all for nothing. Everything is up top on the next level of the lab.”

She points you to where you need to go, and all three of you immediately head there and start to comb over the plans, schematics, and data laid out before you, ensuring everything seems correct. You’ve run through it at least three times before Bellamy gets distracted, and walks away from the table, looking out over the lab, over to where the others are preparing the rocket. You look over at him, watching him, as Clarke begins again. “So, let's go over this again. I figure two months until the algae farm produces enough food to feed us. If we ration the MREs, we should get there.”

She looks over at you and Bellamy, realizing you’re not listening, and she sighs. “I’m going to take a break. Be back in a few.”

You nod and watch as she heads towards the stairs into the main part of the lab, and you walk over to where Bellamy is standing at the railing, nervously tapping his fingers. When he sees you approach, he smiles, and shakes his head in disbelief. “Grounders in space, it's an oxymoron.”

“It was the only choice.” You smile and shrug, “Only choice, also an oxymoron, by the way.”

He turns towards you, eyes anxiously scanning over you, the way he seems to do every hour since you coughed up blood in the snow. He runs his hand over the top of your head, to the sweat gathered there, and pulls a face. “So is cold sweat. I’m still holding out hope for that Nightblood solution.”

“Seems like there was never any solution. I guess Alie was right about that.”

“Hey, Our fight isn't over, not yet.”

You shrug again, thinking of your mom’s vision that she seems so convinced of. Clarke seems to feel the same way, because every mention of it leaves her worried. “My mom had a vision of me and Clarke dying, apparently just like the one Raven had that told her there was a rocket here.” 

“It is not the same thing.”

“Maybe not. But they were both EMP'd.”

“Abby will be fine, Raven told her how to stop it.”

You shake your head, Bellamy still not understanding. Maybe you’ve evaded Death too many times before and this really is it. If it is, not many people get the chance to say goodbye to the love of their life, and you’re starting to feel like you should take this rare opportunity and remind him how you feel. “That's not what I'm talking about. If anything happens to me-”

He immediately cuts you off, not wanting to hear this conversation. “Nothing is happening to you.”

He tries to walk away, deflecting, distracting, motioning towards the charts on the table. “Come on, let's run these water numbers again.”

You reach out and grab his hand, your voice and expression pleading. “Please, Bellamy, I need you to hear this.”

You wait and he nods, letting you know he’ll give you this one goodbye. You take a deep breath and begin, “You and I have been through a lot together. The moment I met you in the halls of the Ark, I thought you were an asshole. That didn't change once we got to the ground, but somehow, someway, I found myself hating you less and less with each passing day. I never would have thought that the guy that threatened me my first day on the ground would turn out to be the love of my life, but I’m so glad you are. I’m so thankful for every second that I’ve gotten to spend with you. I have loved seeing you grow from a selfish asshole into a caring leader, always willing to do anything to save his people. I trust you, I trust your heart, I trust your decisions. The only thing I ask, is that you watch your emotions, check on how you feel. Sometimes your heart rules you, my stormy love, and you make rash decisions based on how you feel. Step back, evaluate everything, and do what’s best for everyone. That’s how we’ll survive, that’s how we’ll deserve to survive.”

Tears well up in his eyes as you talk to him, eventually spilling down his cheeks as you say what might be your last goodbye. He pulls you towards him, into a kiss, pushing his feelings into it. You feel his wet tears graze your cheeks as he reminds you of his love for you, making sure you never forget that you have his heart and that he’s better for it. When he pulls away, you realize that you’re now crying too, suddenly faced with the idea that you don't want to die, you don't want to be without him. But sometimes, these things lie in the lap of the gods, and you can't control it. If Death is coming for the Bringer of Death, then so be it. 

Unfortunately, a soft moment can never stay a soft moment on the ground, because chaos always strikes at some point. This moment is no exception, as a giant zapping sound comes from inside the rocket, followed by Raven’s loud cry of anger. You and Bellamy turn to look at the rocket in alarm before you run down the stairs, meeting up with Clarke at the bottom before you run over to the rocket and peek inside, looking down at Raven who is waving smoke away from her head. “Raven, what is it?”

“Oh, there isn't enough time. We're pushing too hard.”

Bellamy shakes his head, giving her a concerned look. “What's happening?”

She ignores him and calls out, “Computer, systems check.”

“Launch system...optimal. Navigation system...optimal. Life support system...assessing damage.”

Raven waves off the worry she sees crossing your faces. “It's okay, we're using supplemental, anyway.”

“All life support systems are offline.”

She nods, holding a finger up at the three of you. “Just wait, two more.”

“Landing system...optimal. Communication system...assessing damage.” She drops her head, looking slightly worried as she awaits the verdict. “All communication systems are offline.”

“Recommend repair options for communication system.”

Harper looks her way, not understanding your pilot’s worry. “Who cares? There's no one to talk to, anyway.”

“Quiet.”

“Damage is beyond repair. Total system replacement required.”

Raven sits frozen in place, staring off into the distance, and Bellamy looks at her, concerned. “Talk to us, Raven.”

“We're not going anywhere.” She looks over at the fried panel, before she storms out of the rocket, yelling at the computer as she leaves, “Computer, terminate launch sequence.”

You, Bellamy, and Clarke exchange a worried look before you all hurry after her, and Harper, Emori, and Echo join you as you come to a stop around Raven. She’s staring down at a tablet in her hand, and you try to get her attention. “Raven, explain.”

“It's simple, there's no power in the ring. Two minutes ago, I thought it wasn't a problem because I could activate it remotely.”

Clarke nods her head, starting to understand. “Over the rocket's comms system.”

Bellamy shrugs, and tries to offer a solution, “So we turn the power on from the inside. “

“We can't get inside, that's the point. Without power, we can't even open the hangar door.”

Clarke steps closer to her, trying to diffuse the situation. “Raven, think. You've solved bigger problems than this before.”

“Oh, yeah, not in 53 minutes.”

“Raven-”

She cuts her off, plopping down onto the stairs to the rocket with defeat. “It's over, Clarke! You know, maybe if I still had Alie's code eating away at my brain, I could figure it out. I'm not smart enough myself.”

Clarke turns around, looking lost at what to say, and you all turn to Bellamy, knowing he’s the best at pep talks. He accepts the role and sits down beside Raven, his voice soft. “Raven, you can do this. How many times have you saved our asses before you ever even heard of Alie?”

“Too many to count.”

“You're damn right. We don't need Alie on the Ark, we need you.” Something about his words stop her falling tears, and she stares at him, clearly working through something in her head. “What?”

She jumps up very suddenly, pacing around your small group. “Alie was on the Ark, Alie was on the Ark! I was right there, so close to the kill switch, but she got away by transmitting herself to the ring.”

Emori nods, remembering. “Using the pod in the temple.”

“Yes! If she can do it, so can we.”

You look at her, not sure how she expects to get to the pod in the temple. “Raven, we'll never make it back to Polis on time, and the radios are dead.”

“We have something better than radios: the satellite tower.” She turns and points to Echo, Emori, and Harper. “You three, back in the cockpit, finish those restraints.”

They immediately follow her directions and climb back into the rocket, and she turns to you, Clarke, and Bellamy. “You three, helmets on. You're with me.”

She starts to walk away, but she remembers there's one last thing to do first. “Computer, resume launch sequence!”

“Resuming launch sequence.”

She grabs her helmet and the three of you grab yours, following her out of the lab and to the surface, her tablet still in hand, and she stops outside in the snow, pointing to the tower in the distance. “The tower's less than a mile away. All you have to do is plug this into the junction box at the base of the tower. Sat-Star-One is the name of the dish.”

She hands the tablet to Clarke, and you repeat back, “Sat-Star-One.”

“Everything is set. Once the tablet is connected, the dish will align itself with the Ark. The graphic will flash green, and that's how you know it's locked on. When it says 'send', you hit send, and the power up signal will turn on the lights, and that's it. Are there any questions?”

She finishes her instruction with a smile, leaving the three of you a little unsettled given the gravity of the situation. “Yeah, why are you smiling?”

“Because without comms, even with the power on, we still can't open the hangar bay door from inside the rocket.”

Bellamy shakes his head, his helmet shifting slightly from the movement. “Wait. How is that a good thing?”

Clarke connects the dots first. “She gets to take her space walk.”

Movement behind Raven pulls all of your eyes in that direction, watching as an orange suited figure climbs over the snow and runs towards you, struggling with a large machine part in their hands. You all run towards them, recognizing Murphy, who puts the machine down at your feet as you look around for the other man he was with. “Murphy, where's Monty?”

Murphy glances up at Bellamy, struggling to catch his breath. “He's in trouble, he had to expose his hands. He passed out. If we go back now, we can get to him.”

Bellamy looks over at you, expression worried and Murphy quips, “You can be impressed with me later, we gotta go.”

Raven picks up on the indecision in the group, turning to tell Bellamy, “Aligning the dish is a two person job at best, the twins can handle it. Harper will help me with the generator. Go!”

They start to run off, the ticking countdown making all of you too anxious and too eager. You call out to Bellamy before he gets too far, “Bellamy-”

He spins around, practically buzzing with nervous energy. “If this is one of those moments where you tell me to stop and think-”

You cut him off, “No, I was just gonna say, hurry. And that I love you.”

The words never fail to soften him, and ease some of his anxiety. “I love you more than the stars. See you in a few.”

You nod and he turns and runs into the woods, following Murphy, and you watch them until they’re out of sight as Raven hands Clarke a pack. “Monty's pack, everything's inside. It's gonna take you a good 10 minutes to get back from the tower and down to the cockpit. You have to leave that tower with 10 minutes on the clock or you'll both be left behind.”

Clarke tries to hide the anxiety in her voice, but fails as she checks her timer and sees 25 minutes on the countdown. “Ten minutes, we got this.”

You give Raven one last look, “Any last advice?”

“Yeah, run fast.”

And that’s all she has to say to push you and Clarke into gear. The two of you take off running towards the tower, ignoring the struggle of running in the snow in clunky suits. You can feel your earlier radiation poisoning wanting to slow you down, but you ignore it, determined to make it there and back in time. Your path takes you to the top of a small hill, the tower just at the bottom of it, and you lift your timer to check the time. “Eleven minutes.”

You and Clarke exchange a worried look before you scramble down the small hill to the panel of the tower, and you pull it open while Clarke grabs the tablet from the pack. You scan the names, looking for the right one, excited when you see it. “Sat-Star-One!”

You point to the right outlet and she plugs the cord in, both of you looking towards the tablet with excitement. But your excitement turns to frustration when the computer beeps, “Dish not aligned. Dish not aligned.”

“What did we do wrong?!”

“I don't know, radio for help!”

Clarke grabs the radio from the pack and frantically calls out, “Raven, please say that you can hear me. Something went wrong. We did everything you said, but it wouldn't-” Something on the door of the panel catches her eye and she reads outloud, “Manual operation? You've got to be kidding me.”

You both look up the tower, to the very top, where the dish is situated, before you exchange a look, knowing what you have to do. When you check the time on your countdown, it’s ten minutes on the dot. If both of you want to survive, you have to leave now. But if you leave now, you’ll all die in space, unable to get in the Ark. Clarke pushes the radio into your hand and starts to unplug the tablet, “Get back to the rocket, I’ll meet you there.”

“No, I’m not leaving you!”

“If you don’t, you’ll die!”

You grab her hand, holding her in place. “Mom’s vision had both of us dying. If this is it, then this is it. No avoiding it now. Stronger together.”

“Stronger together.” She repeats it back to you, accepting this, before she moves over to the ladder and starts to climb. Before you follow her, you lift the radio. “Bellamy...if you can hear me, don't wait. I love you, so so much.”

You run over to the ladder and start to climb up behind your twin, watching as you climb higher and higher. Each rung that brings you higher into the sky brings you a better glimpse of the approaching death wave, growing more terrifying the higher you get. Each time your arms move to pull you higher, you get a glimpse of the countdown, and when you’re halfway up, you whisper, “Oso gonplei ste odon.”

Our fight is over. Finally, the two of you reach the top, just as the timer on your wrist starts to beep, signaling that you’re out of time. Less than a minute later, you hear a sound tearing through the air, followed closely by the rocket, launching into the sky. You and Clarke both watch it, left behind, and you feel emotion start to grab you and choke you. Clarke reaches out and squeezes your hand, reminding you, “They’re not safe yet. Not until we get the power on.”

You nod and turn towards the control panel, watching as Clarke plugs in the tablet again, the computer repeating, “Dish not aligned. Dish not aligned.”

Clarke smacks the side of the panel, growing frustrated, “Come on, turn!”

She looks up at the dish, and you catch onto her line of thinking, already reaching towards the ladder that will take you up to the satellite. “Tell me where to go, Clarke!”

You climb up to the dish and start to pull it towards you, the satellite pointing into the sky. You hear it make a clicking sound, and you look down at Clarke, who calls out, “Good, now push it forward!”

You do as she says, pushing the satellite forward, pointing it towards the ground, until you hear another click. You look down for more direction, and she yells, “Pull it back again!”

You pull it back again, using all of your strength to get it as far back as possible, until you hear the third and final click. When you look down at Clarke, she screams, “Yes! Dish aligned!”

You lower yourself back down to her, just as she hits the send button. The two of you watch the green bar load, the message taking an agonizingly long time to send, until finally it goes through, a small little message popping up in the corner. “Sent!”

Both of you hug the best you can given the suits still on your body, pulling away when you realize the growing roar of something fast approaching. You look out towards the sky again, the death wave now horrifyingly close, and the two of you exchange a terrified look before Clarke yells, “Go, go, go!”

The two of you scramble down the ladder faster than you thought was humanly possible, running and stumbling through the snow, trying to escape Praimfaya, which seems to stay right at your backs. As you near the lab, the death wave roaring right behind you, Clarke stumbles and falls, the distinct sound of breaking glass heard as she hits the ground. You reach out for her and grab her, and at the same time she tries to jump to her feet, causing the two of you to collide in an awkward way, the broken glass of her helmet tearing into the left suit of your arm. You let out a cry of pain, the glass cutting into your skin, before both of you clamp a hand over your exposed areas and take off running again, nearly at the door to the lab. 

The death wave seems to overtake you both as you reach the door, and Clarke pulls it open, stumbling inside. You run in after her, pulling the door closed, both of you slipping and sliding inside on wet, snowy shoes. Clarke stumbles to the table you were running numbers at less than two hours earlier, and she tugs off her helmet, instantly coughing up blood. Her face is covered in lesions, red and angry, and she stumbles once, before falling to the ground, unconscious. You run over to her and try to lift her, but the movement tugs on your arm, forcing you to cry out in pain. You check and make sure Clarke’s still breathing before you do anything else, and once you’re sure she’s still alive, you pull yourself from your suit, screaming as the suit takes some of your skin with it. 

The cut on your arm definitely needs stitches, black blood dripping from the wound and running over the lesions on your arm, and you fumble around for a first aid kit, already feeling weak and sick. You sob with pain the entire time you stitch up your arm, doing the best you can as the stitches tug and pull on the fragile skin. Finally, once the wound is closed, the last bit of your energy spent, you lay back on the ground beside Clarke, lightheaded from radiation, blood loss, and pain. And as unconsciousness creeps up on you slowly, reaching out to drag you under, you look up at the ceiling, imagining the sky above, the Ark floating across it. Just as the darkness starts to take you, you whisper, “In this lifetime, and in the next.”

Somewhere in the sky, swimming amongst the stars, Bellamy Blake stands in the viewing window of the Ark, staring down at the Earth below, covered in a toxic death wave. Tears fall down his face, thinking of the love of his life, swallowed whole by radiation, and he chokes out, “Forever.”

-

next chapter

[rosedavid]

hey!! if you're still taking requests, cyrus and tj see eachother after a few months of their break up and old feelings resurface and they end up being all cute and in love again bc they're tj and cyrus lmao idk, i love your writing 🥺🤧

me going overboard on prompts?? just as likely as you think!!

thank you for the request :) enjoy!

also slight tw for swearing and panic attacks

Broken Promises

Cyrus expected college to be difficult. He was prepared for the endless late nights full of stressful studying, the constant tests, and the lack of free time. Going to an ivy league school makes things even more high stakes. It feels like every move he makes gets scrutinized by the professors and students alike. Cyrus planned to attend an ivy league school on the east coast since middle school. It was his goal, his dream one could even say. There’s just one factor that Cyrus didn’t prepare for, one that ended up changing his entire first year college experience. TJ Kippen. 

There’s no doubt that Cyrus and TJ were deeply in love. They started dating near the beginning of their first year of high school and continued strong for all four years. Soon, having TJ constantly by his side, hanging out at his house, or taking him on dates became the norm for him. Between the worries of school and standardized testing, he was the steady, comforting constant in Cyrus’s life. As such, he never even thought about leaving him when it came time for college.

It all started in the middle of senior year. Everyone has finished applying for colleges, waiting with bated breath to see if they got in. Cyrus, being the overzealous student he is, applied to at least eight different schools just in case. He had to write so many entry essays that his hand nearly fell off from cramping. All of them were extremely busy with everything happening all at once, such as jobs, final grades, and the approaching graduation.

It isn’t until one fateful day in the spring that TJ and Cyrus realize that everything is about to change.

Cyrus arrives home from school like any other day. He’s starting to get nervous about his college applications, as two places have rejected him so far, and the other three schools he got into are in his bottom choices. As he walks into the kitchen to grab a snack, he spots his stepdad sitting at the table casually sipping coffee and holding out a letter.

“Is that…?” Cyrus trails off with a gasp.

His stepdad smirks in response, wiggling the letter until Cyrus snatches it out of his hand. He reads the correspondent information on the front, eyes widening. It’s his top school choice! This is it. This is everything he’s been waiting for.

Not wanting his stepdad to see him if he’s rejected, Cyrus heads upstairs to his room and closes the door behind him. He gingerly takes a seat on his bed, ripping the top of the envelope all the way across. He pauses briefly to take a deep breath and compose himself before unfolding the small slip of paper. He ignores most of the formalities, scanning through until near the end looking for the indicating words to tell him whether he got in.

Accepted.

Cyrus reads over it again and again until he gets the message to fully sink in. He can’t stop grinning, clutching the letter to his chest as if it would flutter away. He can’t wait to tell everyone the good news at school tomorrow!

Suddenly, it dawns on him. He’s going to school at an ivy league college on the east coast, far away from Shadyside. Andi is going to a fancy west coast art college. Buffy is also going to a west coast college on a basketball scholarship. As of right now, Jonah doesn’t know what he wants to do, so he’s going to stick around Shadyside. And TJ…TJ is going to a college in Salt Lake City, Utah, only a few hours from Shadyside.

For the first time in four years, they would be thousands of miles apart. How would they even see each other? What if their breaks didn’t line up? Could either of them even afford a plane ticket to fly out and visit?

Cyrus decides maybe it’s best if, for a while, he keeps the news to himself.

…

It’s only a few weeks before graduation. All of the seniors are getting even more antsy than usual, holding their breaths for the day when they’re finally done with high school forever. Cyrus is also one of these people, but he’s antsy for an entirely different reason. He has yet to tell anyone where he’s going to school. He’s put it off for such a long time, always saying that not all his schools have responded back to him. But he knows his friends, and he knows they’re getting suspicious. He needs to tell all of them, including TJ.

So, at lunch that day, he decides to rip off the band-aid. Everyone now sits together at one large table, so it’s the ideal time to make his announcement. And, as it so happens, his friends give him the perfect segway to make his announcement (unfortunately).

“Guess what?” Amber squeals, not waiting for anyone to guess. “I got into that fashion school in California!”

Andi beams, reaching forward to hug her and kiss her cheek. “I’m so proud of you! And now we’ll be so much closer!”

As everyone says their congratulations, they notice that Cyrus is abnormally quiet. Andi frowns from her spot beside him and reaches out to tap his shoulder.

“You good, Cyrus?” She wonders. “Is it something about colleges? I know how long you’ve been waiting to hear back.”

Cyrus swallows. “I…yeah. I guess it is. I got a letter from my top choice in the mail, actually…”

“What did it say?!” Buffy asks in excitement.

On his other side, TJ nods in agreement. Cyrus can’t stand to look at TJ when he makes the announcement, so he makes sure to angle himself away.

“Um, well, I got in!” Cyrus smiles.

Everyone cheers. TJ pats his back before putting an arm around his shoulder. Cyrus leans into the touch, wondering how much longer he’ll be able to feel it. And yes, Cyrus is super happy that he got into the school of his dreams, but at the same time things are a lot different now than he expected. In other words, it will be a strange transition.

“So where are you going?” Jonah asks, of course.

“Columbia,” Cyrus murmurs.

He feels the arm wrapped around him tense up. The mood of the table becomes slightly less cheery and more morose. Thankfully, Buffy is there to alleviate some of the sadness.

“That’s amazing, Cyrus,” She says. “An Ivy League! You’re going to do so great!”

TJ speaks up, “Yeah, you’ll do amazing, Cy. You always do.”

Maybe it’s just Cyrus reading too deep into things, but something in TJ’s tone sounds off. Of course, he sounds sad about Cyrus leaving, Cyrus expected that. He also sounds proud. But there’s another tone to his voice that Cyrus can’t quite decipher.

Although he ends up forgetting about it after a few days, it certainly ended up being something. A beginning to an end.

…

The day before graduation. School just got out the day before, and the seniors are all buzzing waiting to be officially graduated. Cyrus personally can’t wait to wear his cap and gown and move his tassel. Even though it’s more of a symbolic idea than anything, Cyrus still loves the idea of it all. In other words, nothing can ruin his good mood. Or so he thought.

That morning, he gets a text from his boyfriend. It’s odd because normally TJ loves sleeping in late, so seeing a message from him at such an early time is peculiar. Cyrus doesn’t think much of it, though, and simply checks to see what he sent.

TJ: meet me at the swings in twenty?

Cyrus: see you there x

The swings. They’ve been through a lot of good times and bad there. Cyrus hates to think that this summer will be one of the last times they’ll probably swing on them together. He smiles, thinking that TJ invited him there for a celebratory swing, maybe a few underdogs.

When he arrives, though, and sees TJ swinging slowly with a drooped head, he realizes that’s not the case.

“TJ?” Cyrus asks tentatively. “Are you ok?”

He goes to sit on the swing beside TJ, but TJ puts up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t,” He whispers. “This won’t take long.”

“What’s going on?”

TJ sighs, standing up himself. “We need to break up.”

Cyrus’s heart stops in his chest. He blinks, trying to process the words he never thought he’d hear come out of TJ’s mouth.

“What?”

“We need to break up,” TJ repeats insistently.

Cyrus shakes his head. “Why?”

“You’re going to college across the country. Did you really expect this to last?”

Tears begin to sting his eyes. Although the tone of his voice doesn’t sound hurtful, the words cut painfully deep. Did you really expect this to last? Did TJ not expect it to?

“Yes,” Cyrus answers honestly. “I did. I know it will be hard, but we can do long distance—”

TJ interrupts him. “No, Cyrus, I can’t. We can’t. I’m sorry.”

At this point, tears flow freely down Cyrus’s face. TJ appears impassive, which just hurts Cyrus even more.

“Wow, great to know that you didn’t expect this to last,” Cyrus scoffs, anger getting the better of him. “I’m so happy to know that you thought this was just a casually, high school fling that wouldn’t amount to anything. Do I really mean that little to you?”

TJ’s face morphs, “Underdog—”

“No! You don’t get to call me that. I guess it’s for the better that we’re breaking up. Goodbye, TJ.”

He doesn’t look back.

…

At graduation the next day, TJ isn’t there. Andi and Buffy ask him what happened, but Cyrus can’t find it in his heart to go through all the details of the situation, about how badly TJ hurt him. So, he just tells them the gist of it.

“TJ and I broke up.”

And that’s it. Buffy and Andi try to prod more information out of him at first, but after realizing how upset Cyrus is, they leave it be. Instead, they pull him into a big group hug which makes Cyrus feel at a little bit happier for the time being.

That summer goes by fast. Cyrus doesn’t see TJ once, but he does see TJ’s mother in town. She asks him how he’s doing and what his plans for college are. He answers them happily, as TJ’s mother has always been caring and sweet toward him. He has a feeling she doesn’t know they broke up.

“How are you?” He asks politely.

“Oh you know, it’s odd not having TJ around all the time,” She replies. “I’m happy he got such a good opportunity to start college early, but at the same time I’m sad he wasn’t around for the summer. I’m sure you understand exactly how I feel.”

“Uh, yeah, completely.”

Early college. He hasn’t seen TJ around Shadyside because he’s already gone. TJ didn’t even tell anyone he left. Suddenly, Cyrus feels more insignificant and used than ever before.

Moving in is a great distraction to the anger and sadness that TJ has caused him. His parents fly out with him to help him buy some things and move into his dorm. His roommate seems nice, and Cyrus can even see them becoming friends if Cyrus wasn’t so down in the dumps recently about everything. Despite his bitterness toward TJ, Cyrus also feels excited and happy. He’s going to the school of his dreams. He’s going to study his favorite subjects. It’s all going to be okay.

He talks to Buffy, Andi, and Jonah nearly every week during school. Even Amber calls up every once in a while to chat. He makes a few new friends at his college, but none nearly as close as any of his old ones. Early in the first semester, his classes are going really well. He’s acing lots of the assignments and tests, and overall, he’s happy to be exploring a new city.

Then, he returns for fall break.

Being back to Shadyside for the first time in nearly three months is like a punch to the face. Driving by all of his old spots filled with memories aches more than he thought it would. When he’s home, he hugs all his parents extra tight. When Andi, Amber, and Buffy come up around the same time to visit for their own breaks, his heart aches even more.

Hugging them all is like a breath of fresh air. He never realized how deeply he missed them. They only get a few days together, a few days to catch up on the last three months of their lives. Buffy, Andi, and Amber are at least close enough to each other to visit every so often. Meanwhile, Cyrus is living a completely separate life. He feels so disconnected from his old friends, family, and home. He wonders if it will always be like this. How much worse will it get?

When Cyrus gets back from fall break to finish up the second half of his semester, things go downhill drastically. He finds himself unable to focus on classes like he’s supposed to. He and his friends at Columbia drift apart with the constant studying. Cyrus constantly thinks about his friends and family. He talks to them on the phone less and less, too, which doesn’t help. Soon, everyday that Cyrus spends at the college feels like torture. His mood continues to drop along with his grades.

Along with all of this happening, Cyrus keeps thinking of TJ. How could he not think of the boy who was a huge part of his life for about five years? At night sometimes, when he’s lonely and wide awake in his uncomfortable dorm bed, he wishes that TJ were beside him, arm draped around his stomach and legs twisted together. Cyrus doesn’t understand. He should hate TJ after what he did to him. He should resent him. But by now, all of those feelings have faded into sadness and longing.

By the time finals come around, he’s a wreck. He can barely even muster up the energy to do his assignments much less study for finals. He wakes up from nightmares all the time, or just can’t sleep at all. He even starts having panic attacks on the worst days.

When he returns for winter break, the first thing he does when he sees his parents is collapse and cry into their arms.

…

It’s a cold, snowy day. Cyrus swings back and forth on the familiar swing set that he’s come to loathe. He’s come out here to cool off, literally and figuratively. Although he adores his parents, the constant questioning about his mental state soon became too much to handle after a few days. So, this morning, Cyrus snuck out. For some reason, he automatically heads to the swings. When he first comes upon the swings, he nearly turns around, but something compels him to sit down on a hard, plastic seat.

“Come here often?”

Cyrus’s breath catches in his throat because no, it can’t be him. This isn’t real, it must be another one of his convoluted nightmares. But the icy snow on his face feels real, as well as the chill of the wind and the brightness of the sky. He turns his head.

“TJ?” he whispers, breath fogging up the air around him.

Sure enough, there he is. For the most part, he looks the same; tall, sharp jawline, ruffled hair, colorful green eyes. But there’s an aura around him that feels different, that radiates maturity and confidence that Cyrus has yet to achieve.

“Hey, underdog,” he whispers back.

Underdog. Cyrus never thought he’d hear that nickname again, especially not coming from TJ’s mouth.

“What are you doing here?” Cyrus asks, almost in a harsh tone. After all, he can’t just forget what TJ did to him, how he made him feel.

“Can I sit?”

Cyrus sighs, nodding. They swing in silence, snow fluttering around them in intricate swirls. Never would Cyrus have thought things would be so awkward between them.

“I heard about what happened with school,” TJ admits.

Cyrus flips his head toward him and hisses out, “What are you talking about?!”

“Buffy’s sort of been sending me a bunch of angry text messages constantly, and in one of them she kinda admitted you were struggling being away from home.”

“She had no right to tell you that!”

“I don’t think she meant to,” TJ promises. “It was just a hint, anyway. But along with that and my parents asking about you all the time…I put it together.”

Cyrus scrapes his feet along the ice harshly. TJ flinches at the noise.

“Why do you care, anyway?”

TJ frowns, “What do you mean?”

The emotions that Cyrus has been holding in for so long suddenly burst out of him like an ocean wave crashing to the shoreline. “You left me after four years! Four years, TJ! And your explanation about college? Bullshit. You didn’t even talk to me about it first! We could have figured something out, but obviously you didn’t care then, so you can’t care now.”

TJ appears stunned at Cyrus’s outburst. Cyrus doesn’t think TJ’s ever seen him that angry before. In fact, Cyrus hasn’t felt so angry before.

“I’ve always cared,” TJ murmurs.

Cyrus scoffs. “Whatever. This is stupid. I’m leaving.”

He goes to get off his swing, but TJ’s gloved hand wraps around his own, causing him to halt his movements.

“Please,” TJ begs, “It’s true. I think about you literally all the time, Cy. I miss you more than anything.”

“Then why did you hurt me so much?” Cyrus cries out, tears dripping down his face.

It feels like a twisted repeat of the end of their senior year. The sense of Deja vu tingles from his head to toes. As they stand in the snow, their hands remain clasped together.

“I didn’t mean to, I promise!” TJ chokes out. “That was one of the worse days of my life. But I knew that if I told you how I really felt about you going to your dream college…you’d hate me forever.”

At this point, tears run down both of their faces.

“I don’t understand.”

TJ steps closer. “I didn’t want you to go, Cyrus! I wanted more than anything to tell you to stay here. But I felt so unbelieve ably guilty for feeling so selfish. This was your dream school, and I couldn’t let my selfishness take that away from you. So I thought the only way I’d be able to handle it would be breaking it off, but now I realize how incredibly stupid that was. No matter what, I can’t stop thinking about you, Cy. No matter how hard I tried, you were always there.”

“Teej,” Cyrus whispers with a sniffle. “Oh my god, TJ…”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” TJ sobs. “I hate myself everyday for that. I’m so sorry.”

They collapse into each other’s arms. TJ sobs into Cyrus’s shoulder, while Cyrus strokes his wet hair and cries silently. Being back in TJ’s embrace feels just like he remembers it; a warmth in the cold of the winter, a promise of comfort and security.

“It’s true,” Cyrus says softly into TJ’s ear. “I hate it at my school. I’m so anxious all the time. I’m failing almost all my classes. I’m a complete wreck. I feel like a huge baby. People do this all the time, move far away from home for college, but I couldn’t.”

“You’re not a coward, Cyrus. You were being brave trying something new.”

“But I couldn’t handle it! I feel like I failed,” Cyrus admits, pulling away.

TJ looks him in the eyes. “You didn’t fail. You just found out what doesn’t work for you. You’ll find your way again, I’m sure of it.”

Then, with the gentlest of touches, TJ reaches up to wipe a stray tear from Cyrus’s cold, rosy cheeks.

“I missed you,” Cyrus says again. “I missed you, I missed you, I missed you!”

They meet in a passionate kiss, pouring all their love and affection into it. Kissing TJ again feels like a reignited fire, a joyous song playing on repeat, fireworks exploding across the sky. In that moment, Cyrus knows that he’ll never love anyone like he loves TJ, and he needs TJ to know that.

So, when they pull apart panting for air, Cyrus’s hands cupping TJ’s cheeks, Cyrus hums out, “I love you Thelonious Jagger.”

TJ laughs before leaning in and kissing him again briefly but assertively.

“I love you endlessly, Cyrus Goodman.”

[boficionado-a2]

SO THIS RANT WAS SMTH I PUT ON DIS.CORD YESTERDAY. I’m gonna put it here now because my feelings are all over the place right now and I wanna talk Donnie. HERE WE GO.

I’ve always strongly hc’d that Donnie has severe issues with anxiety, depression, and self-esteem/imposter syndrome, and a lot of it stems from a simple inability to connect with his siblings. There's signs of it from super early on that Donnie does just about everything he can to maximize his chances of acceptance. His brothers, while they fight and have issues, all seem better socialized.

But per my (ongoing) theory, he has always been a world apart from them. He was leaps and bounds ahead of them intellectually, and save for a few precious early years where that didn't matter as much, he's ended up alone for a lot of his life, spending more time in his lab than with his brothers. They could all feel comfortable talking, playing games, training, but Donnie just... has this insatiable need to learn to do everything and do it well. It's the gifted kid problem... once that's identified, it becomes your identity, and he's built himself around that.

He's a genius. He really is genuinely gifted. He learns things on the fly, picks up scientific studies as easily as he does languages as easy as he does engineering. But on the same side of the coin as that being his true calling, it also meant that he got called to do a lot more than he should've from a young age. Because you know Splinter's not doing HVAC work.

(Note: we're gonna get into Jay is pissed off about the healing mantras bullshit in short order so buckle up.)

So as soon as he started showing that he could take apart and put together toasters at age six without electrocuting himself AND putting them back together better than before, it unfortunately came with... certain expectations. If it broke, or was found broken, Donnie was expected to fix it. When they got sick, Donnie could usually figure out how to treat it with a few hours and some books... so that's what he did. He set broken bones, learned to stitch cuts... he became a sort of family multitool. As a result, he never learned a healthy respect for his own self and autonomy outside of people needing him... and never needing him for just being Donnie. Needing him for being a mechanic. Needing him to be an engineer. Needing him to be a plumber, a doctor, tech support.

So when they finally started branching out past the lair the idea of people who didn't know he was a genius and might like the person he was under all that was probably more than a little seductive (this is also why I tend to hc he wanted April's friendship and wasn't so hard on the crush side). Problem is he's not sure who he is if he's not the smart guy. (I generally handwave a lot of stuff out of canon and have him not act like an asshat in regards to April... just kinda picking out the bits I don’t care for there, but. The initial desperation for that attention made perfect sense.)

The worst part about the crush, as much as I hated that they kept pushing it well after the joke stopped being funny, is it reveals part of that core insecurity. April's new. She's a friend. She doesn't have the background that's judging him purely on his genius. So of course he wanted desperately for her to like him. He wanted to have that stability that his brothers had. Someone who liked him for him.

He's a shy, awkward kid who likes to read, likes skateboarding, and is perfectly at home playing video games like any other kid his age. He's got diastema and an overbite, both of which he's pretty self-conscious about. Gets in trouble for not training hard enough, but then can't train because something new broke. He's got a temper, but tends to get sad before he loses it. When he's scared, he rambles off random facts about some minor detail regarding the situation they're in. He's attached to his big brothers, but afraid that he just exists as a roommate and not a sibling. And when left to his own devices, he's a quirky, sweet boy with a wicked sense of humor, biting sarcasm, and just a want to be loved and treated as an equal to his brothers without anything else driving that.

So he just... keeps relying on that. If he's useful, if he makes things for their friends and his family then they'll like him more, obviously. And then he messes up and they make fun and the cycle starts all over again. And then.

AND THEN.

THE HEALING MANTRAS GET TROTTED OUT. AT PROBABLY SIXTEEN YEARS OLD AFTER HOW LONG OF BEING THE ONE HIS BROTHERS GO TO WHEN THEY'RE HURT OR SICK.

All that's handed to Leo and he's got one less thing he's needed for, and that is crippling. He's a child, he's built his whole life and self around being needed just so he can feel wanted by his family... and now they need him for one less thing.

Then of course there's the space arc, and he's barely even present. He's a footnote, because Fugitoid is there to solve all those problems for them. It's even a minor plot point in an episode.

“I'm not as smart as the professor. I just build things out of junk.”

To say Donnie has near crippling issues with anxiety and depression and deeply rooted imposter syndrome and miserably poor self esteem is probably understating it a lot.

I honestly think it's also why I'm so attached to my Wheels au. Because the boys had to spend almost six whole months learning just how hard it was to keep things functioning. (Four months of Donnie's coma, and the initial two months after he woke up being mostly bedridden bc he was still really weak.)

So it wasn't just the joking "I wish Donnie were here." It was four months of "Everything is on the verge of breaking constantly" and realizing that he'd been keeping them alive far more than they knew. And then he wakes up and suddenly he can't do a lot of what he did before, and it's clear he's getting mired in a depressive spiral. Because now he feels like he's lost that one thing he had a tenuous grip on: being needed.

Obviously he’s still needed, and he improves with some time and help, but. Yeah. That verse is very near and dear to me for a lot of reasons.

AND THERE YOU GO. YEAH.

[konako]

omggg could you imagine if they did something with the 3 little pigs with the wolf idk what the plot twist could be im not that creative. or they could have done the something with wolf in sheep's clothing or the Shepard boy n the wolf with David bc he an actual Shepard child

*cracks knuckles*

The Three Little Pigs storyline – should have been revenge tale.

We’re in Storybrooke, now. The curse broke, things are starting to settle back to a new normal again… but, just in the background, there are a lot of people realizing who they are, who they were, and who their enemies were, in this new reality. Unfinished business are starting to become a problem.

Three brothers have been hunting the Wolf down since before the events of Red Handed, but they could never get close enough to her (or piece together that Red was the Wolf). But now, it’s after Child of The Moon, Red’s poorly kept secret is officially out to the whole town, and now these three men are out for revenge.

(We could make them police officers, to honor their past professions in FTL, but that’d complicate the pig analogy, sooooooooooooo)

Their grudge is clear: back when she had no control, Red’s wolf destroyed their village, their homes, broke apart their families and left them with nothing. They never recovered, and now they want to make her pay.

***

An episode with three acts. Each for every brother’s attempt at trapping and hurting Ruby. Each is more effective than the last, until the final one manages to seriously get to her.

The B story is her private reaction to it all, talking to Belle about it, trying to come to terms with all that her wolf has done before she could control it, and Belle reassuring her that she’s not at fault, and shouldn’t punish herself.

***

First one. They track her down during one of her morning runs. The camera follows her stupidly fast pace, until it reveals a man hiding behind a tree, just watching her, learning her routine. He has an rope in hands.

The next day, he sets a trap in the track, just hidden in the dirt. She comes close, earbuds in. She runs to it, he pulls at the rope, she trips and falls hard, rolling far and skipping painfully on the ground.

Before she can understand what happened and move to get to her feet, a giant rope nest thingy rises from the dirt, swapping her inside, pulling her up and hanging her from this tall tree, much like Charming once trapped Snow in FTL.

She’s all what the fuck. The guy approaches, she’s still like what the fuck. 

He shares his grievance. He explains he was from a family of feared and respected hunters, in charge of their village. He tells her how the Wolf attack destroyed their lives. How they lost the respect of their people. How they lost the respect of their peers, their loved ones, the respect they had for themselves.

Her hearts breaks a little bit more. She apologizes and explains she had no control over the wolf, but he is beyond reason, he’s all rage and wounded pride.

He takes a taser from his back pocket and steps closer to stun her, still going on about this ruined life and her fault for it, but she’s had enough. She’s fuck no. 

With hardly any force, she rips through the net and falls perfectly on her feet, in front of him. (It looks absolutely bad-ass and effortless and she kinda knows it) He is shitting his pants now. She was just protecting his ego, pretending to struggle with the rope. 

She sighs, “I’m really sorry”, and disappears running. His plan has failed.

B plot: Ruby talks to Belle, over tea and crackers, about all this sudden drama. Proper Red Beauty content is ahead.

***

Next act. Ruby is still feeling bad about it. All the things she's done as a wolf are starting to pull her down again. It’s a shitty day to serve costumers in the diner, but she has to occupy her mind somehow, or she’ll sink. 

This strange guy sitting in the far corner keeps studying her, creeping her out. He smells kind of weird, too. She doesn’t like it, but she tries to ignore him. 

Her shift is over, she’s cleaning up the diner, and goes to throw the trash out. Her hearing picks up some strange noises coming from inside. She rushes back in.

The same weird guy from before is waiting for her inside the empty diner, a barrel by his feet. The whole place smells weird. Like alcohol and gasoline. And it’s all him.

She frowns. He explains the same tragedy from the last guy, but this time in more detail: the lost sentimental possessions and the crushing poverty they faced afterwards, the crippling hunger, the violence born out of desperation, and the depression.

She apologizes again. This is killing her. “I’m sorry”

But yet again, it’s in vain. This brother doesn’t want her apology either. He takes the barrel in hands and pours the liquid on the floor. This is definitely gasoline. Ruby panics.

He explains that he lost everything to the wolf. His livelihood, his home, his belongings. And he’ll do the same to her.

Ruby tries to reason, but the guy won’t listen. He grabs the lighter. She runs to him in a flash and takes it out of his hands, stunning him with her speed. But he was ready for it.

He had a silver knife tucked in his jacked, and he slashes at her, cutting her arm. Silver hurts like a bitch, but Ruby doesn’t have the time to complain. The guy tries to cut her again, but she pushes him a little bit too hard towards the exit, a growl barely contained in her chest.

He bursts through the door and falls on his back on the ground outside. Ruby steps out of the diner, holding her injured arm.

”Please. Stop. I’m sorry”. She sighs again, and closes the door.

B plot. Belle takes care of Ruby’s injury, in the closed library. Ruby explains she cleaned up the diner, so even she couldn’t smell the gasoline. She doesn’t want Granny to worry – or worse: pay for her mistakes. She couldn’t bare see her grandmother losing the diner over Red’s actions. This is tearing her apart.

Belle promises she’ll be at her side, no matter what. That they’ll talk to David and sort this out, so the men don’t bother her again. 

Little did they know, the last brother was listening in by the window. Oooooh. 

***

Final act. The last brother.

Ruby takes a few days off work to clear her head and calm down. She spends her time with Belle, in Belle’s home. They talk and have a good time, unaware that the last guy is watching their every move.

The next night, he has a plan.

Ruby is out grocery shopping. Picking the wine and the cheese, when her phone rings. It’s Belle. That’s odd. They weren’t supposed to meet for another two hours. She picks it up, but a man’s voice is on the other line.

The final brother. Ruby almost drops everything. The man tells her the full story. He tells her of the night the Wolf destroyed their village, and it’s all the same from the two brothers before: lost respect, lost possessions, but this time… he reveals they lost a forth brother, the oldest one, who tried to face the Wolf.

Her stomach turns.

Ruby knows where this is going, she can hear Belle’s muffled grunts in the background of the call. And she barely listens to his rambling, as the man continues explaining his plans for revenge – she’s running full speed to Belle’s home.

The door is locked, but that is not a problem for a wolf. Even with an injured arm, she pushes with enough force to break the lock and open the door. She steps in. Everything is dark. She can make out a few sounds in the silence. She walks up the stairs, where she can hear Belle’s breathing sound more erratic. 

She’s at the living room now, and she can smell more than Belle, and she knows the guy is in there. “RUIRYY” is the muffled sound Belle can make, through her gag.

The lights turn on and Ruby’s sensitive eyes take a moment to adjust. Belle is tied to a chair and the last brother stands next to her. Behind him, the other two, looking angrier than before. 

She pleads with them to let her go, but again – it doesn’t work. The second brother holds a knife to Belle’s throat, while the last one steps forward.

“You took everything from us”, he says, and walks to her.

Ruby prepares to engage, but before she can decide on a plan of attack to take all three, a weird hissing noise rises from the ground, and soon the room is filling up with purple smoke. Wolfsbane. She’s heard of this. She knows it’s not good news for her.

She tries her hardest not to breathe. She tries to fight, even then. But the final brother is prepared. He presses a device, and a loud LOUD high-pitched noise shakes the sound system around them, turning Ruby’s gifted hearing into a disadvantage. 

She tries to push through, but it’s getting harder. The second brother nudges the blade closer to Belle’s skin, and Belle’s gasp is Ruby’s undoing. She breathes in to call her name, and the smoke gets to her. She’s choking, coughing. She falls to her knees, holding her throat.

Everything goes black.

***

Hours pass. She wakes up.

Now Ruby is tied up too, but it’s finally a decent job from the kidnappers. Thick chains around her, locked to a pipe. She’s facing them, facing Belle. Belle was crying.

“I’m sorry,” she says, voice hoarse and out of breath, “I’m sorry, please, do what you want to me, but please don’t hurt her. She’s got nothing to do with it! Please”

“Our brother asked the same,” is the cold response to her. 

 She tries to break the chains, but she’s weak from the wolfsbane. It’s useless. 

Meanwhile, in true TV Show fashion, Belle is secretly working on the knots on her wrists, as the older brother goes on with his revenge monologue.

Ruby is devastated. She keeps apologizing. She keeps bargaining for Belle’s life. Nothing.

Eventually, her gaze falls on Belle, and they make eye contact. They know each other well enough now, that they can communicate without words. Ruby notices Belle is loosening the rope around her wrists, and Belle points her eyes at the window. Belle has a plan, it seems. Ruby follows the order, and looks at the window. The moon is waning. It’s not full, but it’s enough. 

Ruby breathes in, worried. Are you sure about this? is the mute question she shoots Belle with her eyes. Trust me. Is Belle’s reply. Wait for my signal. She tells Ruby, with a tilt of her head towards the knife held close to her neck.

Ruby nods.

The last brother is still on about their tragedy, but Ruby hasn’t been paying attention. She’s got her eyes on Belle.

A frantic moment of waiting, and Belle manages to free her hands, but she doesn’t move just yet. Ruby waits. Belle looks at her in the eyes, and nods. This is it.

Ruby breathes in. She looks back at the man. “I’m sorry,” she says.

“Stop saying that” He replies. Then, it all happens at once.

Belle uses her free hands to take her gag off and hold on the second brother’s arm. She bites down on his hand, canines and all, hard. He drops the knife and screams in pain. 

The other brothers turn to the commotion, and Ruby takes the opportunity.

She transforms. The chains explode (yep, they wouldn’t have held in Child of The Moon, after all, good to know) There’s a low, thundering growl, and a huge wolf stands where once Ruby was sitting. 

There’s a palpable shift in the room, as the three brothers freeze in fear. 

Belle is still tied at the waist, and the brother closest to her realizes it, and tries to recover from his hurt hand and grab the knife back. Belle kicks it away, under the furniture. 

Ruby’s wolf runs to Belle, and rips the rope with its teeth. Belle exhales, and stands up. She taps the wolf’s head, like a dog. We’re meant to understand, then, that Belle is familiar and comfortable with Ruby’s wolf.

Most importantly, Ruby is totally in control.

And so the scene is set. Belle stands next to a giant wolf, as it stares around the room at the three brothers, who are now shaking, shrinking in fear.

“She’s in control” Belle finally says, and the younger brother jumps at the slightest noise. “Now, she finally is”

They look at the wolf, and it seems surprisingly human, now. Nothing like the beast that tore their lives apart. It’s not even growling, not even showing its teeth, not even its posture is aggressive. It truly looks like a big muscular dog.

The wolf understands their train of thought. It walks closer to them, slowly, carefully, trying not to make a sudden move. 

And, like it did with David, it sits down and bows its head. The wolf is whimpering, and it’s a sad, vulnerable sound, coming from a large beast:

I’m sorry.

Silence. The brothers are resistant, still. Belle stares them down, walking next to the wolf. She’s more threatening than Ruby, at the moment.

“You’ve suffered enough. But so has she. You have no idea.” 

Silence.

“Please.”

The oldest brother steps back, and it’s the cue for the other two.

“We can’t forgive her,” he says. Yet, there is a hint of a truce in his voice.

The wolf lets out a breath that sounds like a sob. Belle strokes her head again.

“Neither can she,” Belle sighs, “But this won’t help you. Any of you,” a moment, and Belle looks down at Ruby, who’s still bowing her big head. “I beg of you, leave her alone. Our old lives have taken enough from us. We have a new chance, now. Let’s make it better. Please.”

Tense, tense silence. It holds for too long.

Blue and red lights come in through the window, and the sirens sound a single alarm. The police, or David, was alerted, and is coming to help.

The brothers look at each other. Shit. 

And they run out. The older brother holds for a moment longer at the door, looking back at Ruby. We can’t decipher his expression completely, but it’s not the same as before. Maybe, he finally listened.

But we don’t know. They disappear.

Belle is left alone with Ruby. She looks down at the wolf, now sitting defeated on the floor. She pats her head. “You did good,” she reassures “You did good”

Zoom out, and the scene ends on a low note.

***

The next day. They’re at the diner. Granny and David are being filled in. They have already expressed their worries and disgust over the men’s actions, and David promises that he’ll look into it.

Ruby shrugs. She says something that supports her stance of “Regina thought she was punishing us by erasing who we were. But I think she underestimated how much crap we wanted to forget” -- which is a CANON LINE, actually said. But is a prelude to that -- it’s the first time Ruby shyly voices that opinion.

It worries David, Granny and Belle. 

But Belle, always the optimist, gives her a side hug. Ruby looks down at her, and it means a lot more than a simple look. She sees the Belle that saved her, just the night before. The Belle that stood up for her, protected her and comforted her.

Her green eyes light up. “Thank you”, she whispers to Belle. And Belle recognizes the weight and the sentiment there. 

She nods, “Always”

Belle looks away and continues her conversation, but Ruby’s eyes linger on her face. The expression that once was of sadness and hurt, turns slightly happier, more grateful. Maybe this life is not so bad...

And the episode ends with a hopeful Red Beauty vibe.

Fin.

[hairringtonsteve]

two ships passing in the night, part ii.

(billy hargrove x reader)

summary: late night coffee dates never seem to turn out the way that you think they do.

word count: 4,610

a/n: i’m so tired but this needed to come out bc i’m so excited for this.

part i. part iii.

taglist: @jems8241

Well, fuck.

Those two words had been rattling around your head for the last three days as you replayed the events of that night over and over in your head. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. You’d merely caught up with a former fellow student from Hawkins. That was all. You definitely weren’t replaying his soft, easy grins, or the way his lips had felt, rough against your cheek. You weren’t throwing around the idea of grabbing coffee with him again. You weren’t thinking about him and Max, the two of them with just the other on Christmas.

You sure as hell weren’t thinking of inviting him to your house for Christmas. That wasn’t even in the realm of possibility.

“You think we should go for red sprinkles or green sprinkles?”

Steve held up the two bottles to you, as though he genuinely thought that you would have an opinion one way or the other.

“What?”

“Red or green, Y/N? We’re burning daylight here.”

“Just get both. You know Dustin would complain if you only got one color and not the other.”

“That’s true,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he put the two items into his basket. He pressed his lips together, sidestepping from the sprinkles to the chocolate chips. “Should we get mini or regular size?”

Your gaze flickered from him to someone behind him. Your whole body tensed when you caught sight of that small grin of his. It was still jarring to see him like that, without the mullet or angry look on his face. He looked between you and Steve, the grin sliding into a small smirk, reminiscent of the ones from back in high school. Your heart sped up a little as he watched you. God, this was insane. There was no rational explanation as to why your heart decided to switch to doubletime. Literally none.

In an instant, two bags of chocolate chips appeared in front of your eyes. You jerked back, frowning as you blinked at them.

“Regular or mini?”

Somewhere down the aisle, you heard chuckling. Steve’s entire back straightened at the sound, like it was a demogorgon waiting to attack. The chocolate lowered as Steve let his hands drop to his side, taking his time in turning around to face the source of that dreaded noise.

“Hargrove. What the hell are you doing here?” His words were hard and flat. He shifted to the side a little, just enough to put himself in front of you. Billy tilted his head at the two of you before stepping forward, hands in his pockets as he shrugged.

“I’m visiting for the holidays. Or is King Steve not allowing me into his kingdom?” He lacked most of the heat from his high school days, but you picked up on just enough. His gaze flickered from Steve to you, softening just a little. But when he turned his attention back to Steve, it hardened right back up.

“If I say that you’re not allowed, will you leave?”

“Only if you ask me nicely.” He offered the brown-haired young man a lascivious smirk, raising his eyebrows up and down to punctuate his point.

“Just fuck off, Hargrove. Jesus.” Steve took a step towards Billy, eyes blazing. You reached out for him, fingers wrapping around his bicep as you tugged him back. Billy watched the two of you carefully, his face easing into an unreadable mask.

“Just go pay, Steve. I’ve got to go grab some milk, and then I’ll meet you up there,” you said, leaving no room for argument. He looked from Billy to you, and then back to Billy, before letting out a sigh and rolling his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something - probably something along the lines of asswipe or motherfucker to Billy - but you shook your head, pointing to the end of the aisle. He let out a breath through his mouth, sighed, and miraculously headed down the aisle.

“Wow. You’ve really got your pet well trained, Y/N.”

You gave Billy an unimpressed look, cocking your brow as he walked towards you, stopping when he was within arm’s reach.

“You can cut the shit, Billy. We both know you’re not that pissed off at him.” He watched you for a beat before shaking his head, allowing a slow, easy grin to slide across his lips.

Your gaze lingered a second too long.

“Sorry. It’s just easy to get him riled up. And you’ve got to admit, he was mean to me first. I was going to be a nice little angel until he went and had to be a dick.”

“Yeah, well you didn’t have to be a dick back. Then you were just egging him on.” Billy just gave a shrug of his shoulders, taking another step towards you.

“Maybe I’m just a dick. You ever think of that?”

“You weren’t a dick the other night.” He took another step towards you, this time making him just as close as he’d been when he’d told you good night a few days before. Without meaning to, your heart started to stutter out its doubletime speed, reminding you that your heart had definitely been pounding since you’d first spotted him in the aisle.

“Maybe you make me less of a dick, then.” He ducked his head as you kept your eyes on him, your focus slipping for just a second to his lips. In an instant, you felt the ghost of his kiss against your cheek resounding through your mind.

“Maybe you just need to stop being a dick,” you murmured, letting the corners of your mouth tick upwards.

“Maybe we need to get coffee again.”

“You’re what?”

“Steve, just calm - “

“You want me to calm down? Are you kidding me right now? Billy Hargrove is a psychopath. Or are you forgetting how he made our lives a living hell senior year? Or how he tried to beat up a kid? Or how he -”

“What are the odds that you’d believe me if I said that he changed?” Steve let out a scoff as he ripped out the sprinkles from the plastic bags and slammed them onto the counter.

“I’d ask you what you hit your head off of. You can’t be serious, Y/N. Someone like him? He doesn’t change. He’s a fucking prick that just so happens to be -”

“Who’s a fucking prick?”

Steve fell silent as you lowered your gaze to the floor. Of course the entire fucking party would come into your kitchen at the exact moment that Steve was losing his shit.

“Your asshole of a stepbrother,” Steve spat. Max looked between you and Steve, furrowing her brows as the rest of the party started to speak at once. “Didn’t we already know that?”

“He isn’t even around anymore, who cares?”

“Guys, I thought I saw him the other day when I -”

“He’s an asshole, but he’s getting better.”

Max’s words left everyone in silence. She stared at everyone, looking from one person to the next before her focus settled onto Steve.

“He’s an asshole, but he’s trying, at least. He came to Hawkins because he wants to fix things with me. Or try, or something. He’s different now. I think. But I won’t know until I talk to him, and the last thing I need is for you shitheads to run him out of town before that happens.” By the end of her little speech, Max was practically snarling the words out. Lucas reached up and laid his hand on her shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze as she leaned into his touch.

“Okay. I trust you.” His words were exactly what she needed, apparently, because you visibly saw as she deflated. She turned to you, her fingers tapping against her leg, looking as though she were debating on saying something.

“Billy said that he talked to you the other night?” All eyes in the kitchen turned to you.

“Uh, yeah. We did. He told me a lot.”

“Did he tell you that he was in jail?” You gave a nod of your head. “Good.” You weren’t exactly sure why that was good, but for whatever reason, it appeared as though you’d earned Max’s seal of approval when it came to the situation.

“So, uh, Steve, you got the regular chocolate chips, right?” Dustin asked. It was obviously to every single person in the room that he was trying to change the subject, but despite that, it worked.

“No? I got the mini,” he said, picking up the bag of chocolate and waggling it around in the air. Dustin let out a cry of frustration, a scowl settling onto his features.

“What? How could you get mini? There’s not going to be enough chocolate in the cookies! They’ll be ruined!”

“Now listen here you little shit, you never once told me that I was specifically supposed to get regular chocolate chips. You just told me to get them! You never specified! What was I supposed to do?” Steve continued on with his rant as Dustin made his way towards you. He mirrored your position, arms crossed as he leaned against the counter top. His hip knocked against yours, causing you to look over and catch the small, satisfied grin that was on his face.

A warmth settled in your chest, remind you that despite the fact that they might not agree with the situation, they had your back. Or at least, Dustin did.

The aroma of freshly baked cookies floated through your house despite the fact that they’d been baked hours ago. The party had filtered out throughout the night, Steve being the last one to leave as he’d tried to argue with you once more, but you refused to have it. Instead, you’d pleaded to being exhausted and needing to head to bed as soon as possible. There had been a flicker of guilt in your gut as his eyes softened and he instantly went into overprotective-mom mode, asking if you needed anything to make you feel better.

Of course you’d declined, but not before telling him that he was the most caring friend you could ask for. He’d gotten a little sheepish at that, ducking his head and grinning before wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

“Just feel better, okay?” He’d mumbled against your head, giving you one last, tight squeeze before heading out the door.

Steve was a good friend, you knew that. He was just concerned about you, and your apparent sudden lack of sanity. But people changed, right? You liked to believe that. You knew that some people were just terrible people, that no amount of naive wishing could change that. But Billy seemed different. Or rather, he seemed like the same Billy, just not as much of a fucking prick as he used to be. The young man that you’d run into the store that day didn’t strike you as the type to want to beat up a thirteen year old.

You were slipping on a pair of pajama shorts and a t shirt when you heard the knocking at the door. Steve must have forgotten to grab his badge. Ever since Hopper had officially welcomed him onto the force, Steve had been showing his badge to literally anyone who would pay attention. But that had developed into a nasty habit of forgetting it places - the biggest one being your house.

“Keep your pants on, Harrington. I’m coming, sheesh,” you yelled, thankful for the fact that your parents had declared it date night and had gotten a room in the next town over. The knocking intensified, which made you roll your eyes. “I swear to God, Steve, if you keep knocking, I’m going to take your arm and shove it so far up your ass that you’ll be-” You whipped open the door, pausing in mid sentence when you saw who it was.

“Well, shit. What’ll he be doing with his arm shoved so far up his ass?”

“Puncturing a lung,” you respond, staring at Billy with wide eyes. “What’re you doing here?” When he’d mentioned getting coffee again, you hadn’t really thought that he’d meant so soon. Or that he’d be showing up to your house to make due on said coffee.

“I thought, maybe, that we could, uh, well…” He trailed off, shoving his hands into his leather jacket pockets. It took you a moment to recognize it, but the worn leather took you back to a time when you’d first met Billy, in the midst of that crazy week with Will and the Mind Flayer.

“I can make a pot of coffee, if you’d like?” You’re not sure where the offer came from, but it hung in the air for longer than you would’ve liked. Eventually, Billy gave a nod of his head, pressing his lips together as you motioned for him to head inside. You padded towards the kitchen, your heart giving an awkward jolt at the sound of him closing the front door behind him.

In the back of your mind, you wondered if Steve would have an aneurysm, knowing that you and Billy Hargrove were alone in your house.

“So, what were all those chocolate chips for?”

“Steve and Dustin are on a baking spree. And since my house is around halfway for everybody, they all just kind of decided to meet here,” you said with a shrug. Flicking the light on in the kitchen, you took in just how messy everything was. Pans littered the counters with baked cookies on top, most pans having at least two layers of cookies, sometimes three. The boys had tried to clean up, but it had gotten a little distracting with Mike singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs, and Lucas launching himself across the kitchen to shut him up.

You reached out and grabbed a cookie, shoving it into your mouth and holding it with your teeth as you snagged the can of coffee grounds. You worked in methodical silence, pouring spoonful after spoonful of them into the already there coffee filter. If there was anything that your dad had taught you, it was to always empty the coffee filter and replace it with a new one the second you were done. Made life just a little bit nicer, he said, when you could just skip that step any time you wanted to make yourself a cup.

“Youwancookti?” You asked through your mouthful of (slightly less) chocolatey goodness.

“Do I what?” Billy asked, his voice sounding closer than you’d expected. Your whirled around to see him leaning against the counter, close to where you’d been earlier. It was disconcerting. You chewed up your cookie, swallowing as you watched him.

“Do you want a cookie?” You took care to enunciate your words this time, even holding up a cookie to make sure that he got what you were saying.

“You know the last time someone asked me if I wanted a cookie was Mrs. Wheeler, who was trying to hit on me?” Your eyes widened as he picked up a cookie and took a bite out of it.

In a brief moment of insanity, as you watched him bite into the cookie, you could kind of understand why she would’ve tried it.

“Bullshit,” you said, instead focusing on that utter lie as opposed to his mouth and those lips.

“It’s not bullshit. It was that, uh, that night I was looking for Max. When the shit hit the fan.” You watched him carefully. Max had never said if she’d ever told him what had actually been going on that night. With the embarrassed way that he was looking at you, you figured that he had no clue just how much danger he could’ve been in that night.

“When did that happen, before or after you passed out in the Byers’ living room?”

“Before, thank you very much. I was looking for Max and thought she might know something. So I was charming,” he paused, tilting his head as he shot you - what you presumed to be - the charming grin that he’d shot Mrs. Wheeler. It was like he’d turned up everything one thousand percent, and as much as you hated to admit, it made every single cell in your body just stop. “And she was into it. Like, really into it. Practically had to chase her off at some basketball games.” He muttered that last bit under his breath, causing you to laugh out loud, which made his eyes widen.

“What?” You asked, suddenly a little self conscious. There were times when your laugh could only be described as booming.

“Nothing, nothing,” he mumbled, shaking his head. A little bit of red colored his cheeks, but you pushed that aside. It was warm in your house.

For a couple of seconds, the only sound was that of the coffee pot, gurgling away quietly in the corner next to the stove.

“So… Max mentioned you today. Kind of came to your defense,” you said, treading carefully. You snagged another cookie and took a bite.

“Yeah?” He toyed with the cookie in his hands, tapping the bottom of it before lifting it up and taking a small bite. “We grabbed dinner last night at the diner.”

“You did? That’s great. How’d it go?”

“Alright, I guess.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders before they slumped down, and you assumed that was the end of that. You turned around, reaching into the cupboard when he started speaking again. “Turns out that she, uh, she didn’t know that my dad was beating the shit out of me until after she threatened to nail me in the crotch.” You’d frozen in your movements when he’d started speaking again, but a snicker still escaped your lips at his choice of wording. It was quiet, and you wondered if he’d thought you’d laughed about something else. Your fingers wrapped around two mugs as you dragged them towards the edge of the shelf, setting them onto the countertop. When you turned back to him, his eyes were downcast as he worried at his lower lip.

“What is it?”

“I thought that she’d known, y’know? That she’d just been such a fucking bitch when we moved here. But she had no clue. I knew that he acted different around her, but… Not that different. I never put it together. I should’a put it together,” he murmured. You left your post by the coffee pot and walked to him, stopping only when you placed your hand on his arm.

“Neither of you knew, Billy.”

“I know that! But, well, I just - I treated her like shit because I thought she hated me despite the abuse, called me a dick despite it or that I deserved it or something. And she just thought that I was a dick for the sake of being a dick. Which I was, but… I fucked up so bad with her.” You could practically see the thoughts rolling around Billy’s head, causing a storm of memories that couldn’t have been good.

Your thumb brushed up and down his arm. You didn’t have any magic words that would make this better, or even make him feel better. To deny any of that would belittle what Max and Billy had gone through, not to mention being an outright lie. He’d made her life a living hell. His life had been a living hell.

“Can I have some coffee?” He asked, his voice small as he looked down at you. You tilted your head up to get a good look at him. There was something in his eyes, some kind of sadness that just tugged at your heart.

“Yeah, Hargrove, you can.” You headed back to the coffee pot, pouring you each a mug before you began to dig around in the closest drawer for some spoons. “There’s some milk in the fridge, and sugar in that ceramic pot to your left.” You turned around, holding out the mug to him as he pulled the milk from the fridge.

It took a minute or so of fixing your coffee to just the way you liked it, but after that, you headed to your couch. You sat on one end, sitting cross legged with a blanket draped across your lap, mug in hand as you watched Billy take his time in sitting down. He wandered the room, examining every family photo and trinket that adorned the shelves.

“You’ve got a lotta pictures of you up here,” he hummed, glancing over his shoulder at you.

“Yeah, it’s so my parents don’t forget what I look like while I’m at college.” You settled back against the seat, the warm drink in your hands making you feel drowsy despite the caffeine.

Damn college for making you immune to coffee.

Billy made sure to wait until you were looking back at him to roll his eyes. He took a sip from his mug, lingering by your childhood photos for a few seconds longer before making his way to you. He sat on the couch, closer than most people would have sat. Without really thinking about it, you shifted your position, straightening out your legs and tugging your feet under Billy’s thigh. He quirked a brow at you, most likely noting the way your cheeks instantly burned red.

“It’s a habit,” you mumbled. And it was. You had cold feet. Every single member of the party had gotten used to you shoving your feet under their legs to steal their warmth. Steve would shriek and squirm, hating the way that it felt. The rest dealt with it with varying degrees of annoyance.

Billy, however, just smirked and shook his head.

“So what’s up with you and Harrington?”

“Nothing?”

“C’mon. You mean to tell me that you’re not doing it?”

“No?”

“I told you about my dad and Max. Least you could do is not lie to me.”

“I’m not lying, Billy. Steve and I are like siblings. There’s nothing there.” He let out an mhmm, which annoyed you to no end. “Trust me, Billy, people know when I like someone.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. There are signals and everything.” You grinned at him from over the lip of your mug as you took a sip.

“You mean like how you were staring at my mouth when I was eating that cookie? Or how you were staring at my mouth in the grocery store? Would those be signals, Y/N?” You spluttered out coffee, making it dribble down your chin in a rather unattractive manner. But Billy didn’t mind. In fact, he leaned forward, using his thumb to wipe away the line of liquid that had spilled from your mouth down your chin. “Are they?”

All you could do was slowly nod your head.

Billy Hargrove might’ve changed. He might not be the angry prick that he’d once been. But Billy Hargrove was also the same in a lot of ways, too.

And deep down, you would’ve been lying to yourself if you’d have ever said that you hadn’t wondered what it’d be like to kiss Billy Hargrove.

You’d thought that he’d rush it, that he’d just jump right in, lips on yours, hands on your hips, and fucking go for it. But no. First he set his coffee mug on the ground, then taking yours out of your hands, being careful not to spill any. Then he got himself situated, his calloused hand grabbing at your ankle to tug you down a little. Your pulse was rising steadily, already feeling hot all over.

He was tilted a little on the couch, so you scooted forward to get closer to him. Your action brought a small smirk to his face. The smirk almost made you chicken out. It reminded you of high school, when things had been a lot shittier all around. But thoughts of the other night filtered in as well, when you’d spent hours at that diner talking about everything.

So without further ado, you leaned in and kissed him.

He hadn’t been expecting that, you could tell. His whole body froze, lips not moving an inch for a couple of seconds. Then his brain caught up with what was going on, and it was hands all over.

First, his hands were cupping your cheeks, making sure that you stayed nice and close to him. Your lips were moving against his as your hands tangled up in his shirt, clenching tight. HIs hand moved to your waist as you swiped your tongue across his lower lip. He granted access easily, deepening the kiss in a way that made your head spin. His hand went from your waist to your ass, pulling you into him.

Honestly, it got a little blurry after that. It was just a haze of kissing and touching and pressing and wanting and all you were able to think about was that you hoped he was responsible enough to pull away because you sure as hell weren’t and you’d need to breathe sometime.

Eventually, he did pull away, pressing another soft, quick kiss against your lips before resting his forehead against yours.

“Was that a signal?” He smirked, his hand giving your waist a squeeze.

“That was a fucking beacon, you dumbass.” You teased, tilting your head up so you could kiss him again. This time it was softer, slower; a drink of cool water on a hot day. He still had a hand against your cheek, although now it slid down to rest against your neck, fingertips brushing against your jaw.

“What are the odds that you’ll let me do that again?”

You pretended to think about it for a long minute, which didn’t sit well with Billy. He started peppering soft kisses against your jaw line, the hand on your waist moving to slip under your shirt.

“High. Really high,” you breathed out, sighing as he hit a particularly sensitive spot on your neck.

He pulled away once you’d answered, a smug grin teasing his lips as he watched you. A yawn snuck up on you, leaving your lips as you raised your arms above your head to stretch. Billy watched as your shirt raised a little, exposing a thin strip of skin.

“Can I stay tonight?” You hesitated. Making out was one thing, but you weren’t planning on sleeping with the man. “I just really don’t feel like walking home,” he said with a shrug.

“You don’t have your car with you?”

“Nah. I figured that I’d keep up with our tradition, and walk in the freezing cold,” he said, giving you a flat look. You weren’t sure if he was being serious or not, but decided against asking.

“Well, I guess if you went all that way to keep up our tradition…” You trailed off, offering him a small smile. Without warning, he tugged your ankle down farther so you were laying down on the couch. He shifted you around, pushing you forward a little so that way he could lay behind you. An arm wrapped around your waist, draping across it as you snuggled back against him.

It wasn’t the most comfortable position you’d ever been in, but it was nice enough.

“Billy?” He let out a hum in response, nuzzling his nose against the back of your neck. You bit your lip, taking in a deep breath as you mustered the courage to ask him something that you’d been thinking about the last couple of days. “Do you want to come here for Christmas?”

[gildedskull]

so i mightve finally finally cut off the “Friend” thats ive fucking bitched and moaned about for forever on here

long fucking post under here. again this blog is more for later me to be fucking bitter apparently lul

its been like three weeks since weve talked talk

Everything has just been so fucking much, I’m majorly Not Okay, someplace I haven’t been in a loonnngg time. I’ve self harmed again.

But yeah. In me feeling like shit, I’ve decided that I just don’t care anymore, that it’s too much effort and I deserve better than how “Friend” has treated me.

I’d stay the catalyst event was when I had Another Mutual Friend over to my house, and we decided hey let’s invite “Friend” over and their new roommate (who has also been a mutual friend for a while) and Like. Written in text it doesn’t seem that major it really doesn’t.

But “Friend” essentially said no, I should just come over - drop everything and drive two hours ((I was trying to get them to uber and pay for it and then drive them back in the morning)) and there was more conversation and “Friend” said, “Oh they just blew us off like always.” - like bitch like bitchhhhh the amount of fucking times you’ve actually blown us off with set fucking plans and now you’re trying to put the fucking blame on me when this was a last minute thing, not preplanned or shit, and I could’ve just not fucking invited you and it all would’ve been fine - you’re gonna insult me like. Like you’re once again gonna be a fucking hypocrite and make me feel bad - when I could’ve just not reached out! Not said anything! Great. Fantastic. Love being friends. There was just something about that that wounded me so much. Maybe cuz it’s the one time I actually asked something of them and they didn’t do it idk. Idk. Idk.

ANYways tho. Not the point I wanted on this post.

I haven’t kept them updated about anything. I’ve started school again, car broke down, and bought a new one and I’ve told them 0 about it. not much, but it’s major for me when we used to talk every single day about the most mundane shit.

It’s been hard. I’ve wanted to. Especially being alone on campus now. I’ve wanted to reach out to them. but yeah. Part of me is wanting them to reach out again - I accidentally started the cutoff when I got really really sad and didn’t talk to anyone for a week. They sent my parents a text after about a week and a half. And then yeah, nothing more 2 week later. Like I’m not saying they ‘should’ reach out again but my selfish stupid ass is like?? that’s it?? you reach out once and that’s it??? like okay I Understand - def reinforcing that I shouldn’t reach out. Definitely reinforcing that we are not “Best Friends” as they said.

- Something that hurts more is that we’re in a group chat right, and they’ve insulted me a couple of times since radio silence. like they said to what I’d consider still fairly new friends for me, they’ve known em maybe 4 yrs by now (internet/xbox friends) - but they just said like, ‘Big gav energy when you just dipped’ and then explaining after first reach out to them what was up with me, ‘He said he just didnt wanna be a person rn So he ghosted everyone for a week :/’ which like again doesn’t seem that fucking bad. But it just twisted the knife more, like they were talking behind my back.

ADDITionally. Sorry lot to update on.

So the Mutual Friend (and the roommate) I was talking about, I’ve decided to drop them too. Like with them (Mutual Friend) I could’ve maybe considered them a best friend. But I’ve decided I’m embracing this toxic piece of shit pile of garbage image that “Friend” has for me. I don’t need friends. I truly like being alone. Is it gonna suck for a bit? Yes. But my friends have never ‘gave’ me anything besides a ‘better’ time going out in public, and literally anything I’ve done with them I can do by myself and probably have a decent time - and I can spend as much time doing it and without wasting any additional money on them. They don’t owe me shit, but in that same vein there should be no reason I’m bending over backwards for them. But yeah. In my Brand New Toxic tm fashion, I’ve decided to just cut off Mutual Friends bc there is no point or reason or kindness in making them ‘choose’ between me and “Friend”. I’ve decided to just make the decision for them, they can have them. Like. They’ve already hung out in the meantime without reaching out to me, so I’ve guess they’ve decided as well.

But yeah.

None of them have no idea about any of my feelings on this, and that’s like Probably Not Great. But I really don’t fucking care. They’ll forget me soon enough and That’s Okay and I’ll only have my fucking parents as ‘friends’ and That’s Okay and I’ll never have anyone again bc I’m too tired and anxious and don’t think it’s worth the time to try and make new friends who will ever understand me again.

Am I being the most dramatic bitch out here. Yes. Do I really at the end of the day care. No. Can I actually feel the “walls building around my heart.” Sadly and dramatically yes. Being extra as fuck. But I am a human being with emotions and have never been treated like so. And I’m tired of that.

[kenmaash]

huge ass vent

huge fucking vent ahead:

two of the people i'm ab to talk about follow me and i'm in deep shit if a certain one of them sees this (ALSO JAMIE IF UR READING THIS SHUT UR GODDAMN MOUTH AT SCHOOL)

i'll be using fake names for everyone but if anyone involved is reading this, they'll know who they are

ok so my love life is fucking WEIRD ok?

my first relationship was in early august 2019 and with this girl we’ll call jess. i had liked jess for like 2 months and finally got the balls to ask her out. she said yes and we went on like 2 dates before she broke up with me. she said that it would be ‘too hard to date someone who didn’t go to the same school as her’ which tf, and also she didn’t want her moms to know. even though they literally already knew. 

either way, i developed a crush on a girl in my class named ‘rose’ pretty fast but it was only a “shit she’s hot” crush so it did nothing. and that only lasted like 9 months simply thinking she was hot as fuck and nothing romantic.

that same year in november, i met this person named angel (fake name) at a dance. they were wearing a suit but also makeup and i was like “uh yes i want this one please” so i asked them out. well, my friend asked them out for me. angel an i exchanged numbers and started dating. we dated FOR 5 MONTHS before angel finally told me that they only had platonic feelings for me and had only liked me as a friend this whole time. i was so relieved because i felt the same way but was too scared to say anything. we’re still best friends and they’re still number one on my prettiest people list (ily ‘angel’ lol). they also helped me figure out my sexuality and gender identity so i owe a lot to them <3

ok here’s where the fucking weird shit starts.

(the rest is below the cut)

WEIRD ASS LOVE LIVE CONTINUED

ok here’s where the fucing weird shit starts.

in march-ish of 2020, i met this girl online named allie. we were best friends for 2 months before she confessed to me and we started dating. i fell in love super fast and ended up breaking up with her because i was afraid of what being in love with someone i hadn't met in person would come out to. the two weeks we were separated were the worst two weeks of my whole life (at the time) and i couldn't live without her. one of my best online friends confessed to me and i was just kinda like :’) and pretended to like her until i just couldn’t anymore.

like a week after that, i apologized and explained myself and we got back together. just for allie's mom to find out about us in august and block me, take her phone, threaten me and allie, and leave it at that. 

a little while later, i started talking to this girl (also online bc im literally stupid and didn't learn my lesson) and we started dating. that one lasted a week before i realized how much we weren't compatible. she was cool to have as a friend, but she was way too clingy and obsessive for me. i broke up with her and said i would wait for allie because she was much kinder to me and better for me.

a month or so later, a girl at my school (we'll call her taylor) admitted she liked me. i was up for dating because i thought it would help me get over allie.

it didn't, and i broke up with taylor after 'dating' for 2 days. (a pattern starts here)

allie's birthday was in october, and i tried to text her to see if she would respond, just wishing her a happy birthday etc.

she answered me.

allie and i talked for a little bit and i asked if she still had feelings for me and if it was still okay for me to call her my girlfriend. she said no, and it literally crushed me. she said that she was actually aromatic (doesn't feel romantic attraction) and i helped her figure that out. because she didn't love me.

so you can imagine how i felt then,,, i was so upset but obviously i didn't tell her. i asked if we could still be friends and she said yes. i had to leave to go to school so we said bye and i left. that afternoon, after school, i texted her again and asked how her birthday had gone. my message didn't deliver. the next day i asked if she blocked me, just to be sure. didn't deliver. so i tried again the next week and of course it didn't deliver. i tried to forget about her after that, but i still woke up every morning worried that something happened. fast forward to late december, when i developed feelings for one of my best friends (we'll call her sam).

my best friend figured out that sam liked me too, and we started dating. it lasted 48 hours before she told me she actually didn’t like me like that. (see what i meant about a pattern? it keeps going)

new years eve! i’m hanging out with my best friend and they decide to text allie. remember her? so allie answers and says she actually unlocked me a little while ago. so i text her from my phone and we talk.

only to have this girl tell me she’s actually not aromantic, she’s cis straight and has a boyfriend (she used she/they and identified as a lesbian when i dated her), and she lied to me the entire time we dated. she said she never loved me and she was “lying to herself as much as she was lying at me”. then she starts quoting bible verses at me and says “i don’t have a problem with other people being gay, i just can’t be. i just can’t”. and my friend and i agreed that she’s probably in denial and her church brainwashed her after her mom found out about us.

so she says that shE WONT BLOCK ME BUT WONT TEXT ME UNTIL WE’RE 18 (very soon) SO WE CAN MEET???????????? AND SHE WANTS TO MEET ME AND BE MY FRIEND????????????????? so i blocked her ass

-[let me bring up a creepy dream real quick. a few nights earlier, i had a dream that i met allie and we just hung out as romantic partners. she kissed me, hugged me, and i said goodbye. she just smiled sadly and said “sayonara, ash” WHICH IK HUGE BANANA FISH VIBES BUT in japan, “sayonara” is only supposed to be used if you’re never going to see someone again. in the dream she said sayonara to me and then this happened. i’ll never see the girl i knew again…]-

after that encounter happened, me and my best friend agreed that 2021 would be our year of getting over the people we’ve been in love with since march (allie for me and this other girl in our friend group for them). then 2021 came...

on like the 10th of this month (january lol), this girl in my class started flirting with me. i flirted back bc there’s no harm in that yk lol. she was straight but ended up turning queer because of me. i went WAY too fast and shoved myself into a relationship with (we’ll call he summer). she ignored me the entire time the ‘relationship’ happened. it lasted 48 fucking hours (i’m really just moving through these girls in my friend group like thatttt) before i told her i rushed myself and didn’t actually have feelings for her. she was like “lol fine” and then badmouthed me to our entire grade for the rest of the week. she was on our friend group group chat and started badmouthing me there too, but one of my best friends just removed summer’s sorry ass and we all blocked her on everything. i’ve been in this friend group for 6 years and she’d only been officially in it for a week, so idk why i was so surprised that my friends were so loyal to me through this whole thing.

ANYWAYS, the day after i broke up with summer, i realized i had feelings for sam again. i’m not going to act on them because i love her too much as a best friend, but the feelings are there and she follows me so im kinda dying lol. (i also figured out recently that she didn’t rly understand relationships and though that people who dated only dated when they were fully in love with each other, and she was in love with me back in december and had been for a while. she only fell out of love when i reciprocated,,, so uh :D)

i also spend $80 on stuff for sam yesterday and my fucking caRd dECLINED WTFFFFFFF AMAZON??

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tyvm for sitting through this, anyone who decided to do that <33

[sunnysidewrites]

Wolf!Wonwoo

Requested by anon: The Wonwoo fic and Taeyang fic are so freaking cute and they are so well written too omg! Please write more fics for the both of them as they're my favourites (: Wolf!au? Thank you ((((:

Requested by anon: Wolf!au for wonwoo or woozi! Thank you and I love your works!!

so i got the same au request i hope both of these suited your taste! LIKE I SAID I HAVE OVERWHELMING FEELS FOR WONWOO SO THIS IS PROBABLY LIKE THE LONGEST HEADCANON I’VE EVER WRITTEN THIS IS SUPER LONG OMG BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY EVERYONE!!!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE WONWOO IMAGINES :)))) if you weren’t satisfied please send me another request!

oKAY NO LIE I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABOUT THIS LAST NIGHT

I was lying in bed and was just like “hm you know wonwoo really resembles a wolf????”

aND THE NEXT THING I KNOW I HAVE 2 REQUESTS ABOUT THIS AU LMAO

I love jeon wonwoo anyways

You lived near a very dense forest with your grandpa

Since it was a small town, there could only be so many things that could happen before word travels

Ofc nothing ever happens in your small town the most eventful thing was when the local market ran out of your favorite potato chips like honEST TO GOD

But as of late there’s been more signs of wildlife in the forest and everyone is lowkey freaking out like what is this we haven’t even had livestock in 80+ years????

Thanks to the dense forest there’s been showing a steadily increase in deer population yay!!!! But also what!!!!

With deer ofc comes…………

Wolves

Packs and packs of them

You’re worried for your life what if a wolf is gonna attack you one day since you’re right next to their habitat!!!!!

Your grandpa is just like lmao y/n chill i was a hunter back in the days we’ll be fine

It was a chillier day than usual in the winter and temperatures were dramatically dropping

You were tired of being cooped up in the small little house so you were just roaming around in front of your porch and playing with the fluffy snow

You smol child were too busy cutely hopping around to notice a wolf lurking behind the trees oH SNAP

It wasn’t until it got a little closer that you felt a strange presence and you know that eery feeling in the horror movies where it’s like …..i feel like someone is there…..

You immediately stopped and cautiously looked around you

You would have missed it if you weren’t so keen about your surroundings bc the wolf so easily blended in with the forest and snow

yOU WERE GONNA SCREAM BUT dude they can probably smell fear that’s not your best choice here

your heart leapt in your throat so you couldn’t have screamed even if you wanted to (you did)

Gdi your grandpa was out running errands and he left like half an hour ago so you’re kinda screwed!!!

The wolf looked so,,, ethereal and majestic with its mix of black, gray, and white fur and it was still pretty young

It looked more like a wild husky so beautiful i love dogs

But you obviously didn’t have time to soak in their beauty you were about to get eaten for pete’s sake

You were very very very slowly backing away from it your door was only a few steps away

buT IT KEPT INCHING TOWARDS YOU LIKE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE ALL YOU WANTED WAS TO MAKE A SNOWMAN (it doesn’t have to be a snowman im sorry that joke is old)

You decided that maybe since this winter was harsher than normal it was hard finding food

So once your back hit the wall yOU SLAMMED & LOCKED THAT SHIT

You rummaged through your fridge to see if you could find absolutely anything for the wolf to leave you tf alone

“Aha!” you grabbed a piece of red meat and cut up a fourth of it into smaller chunks

You were pretty damn smart like we’re talking about how a pre teen be doing all of this

You brought your cutting board to your window and sure enough the wolf was still outside your house yiKES

You cautiously opened your window and you could see the little ears perking up

You threw the pieces as far as it could reach the wolf in the hopes of him leaving once he’s gathered his meal

At first the wolf jumped back in surprise like ??? what’s this human doing?????

After a few minutes of inspecting the meat the wolf cautiously approached the makeshift meal and started to gobble all of it in seconds flat

You’re just like,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that could have been me oh my god,,,,,,,,,,

After it finished eating it looks back up to you and even from afar you can see gratitude and hints of,,,, sorrow??? in its eyes

It turns back to the forest and disappears as fast as it came

All your little body can do is slump against the door clutching your beating heart like i WAS GONNA DIE TODAY

You thought that would be the last time you were gonna encounter a wolf but there wouldn’t be a plot then lmao

You managed to prevent any more wolf encounters as you grew up and by the time you hit 20 you have been successful

But all good things must come to an end

You decided to go to a college nearby to still help take care of your aging gramps but the school isn’t all half bad it’s pretty decent so good for you reader!!

It was now winter break aka the longest school holiday your college granted you with so you decided to return home and spend some Quality Time with your grandpa

Your grandpa’s health has been declining more apparently than ever

One time you had to rush him to the hospital because he fell unconscious and you were trying so hard not to tear up and be strong the whole time

You stayed overnight at the hospital despite the nurse insisting you return home but you just camped outside the hospital room and slept there

You woke up to a random blanket on you and you figured it was just a nurse who knew better than to convince you

Your grandpa quickly recovered in a matter of days go gramps

When he was finally discharged and you were approaching the front desk about the bill they were like “oh it’s already been paid for”

“What that’s strange I didn’t even get the bill yet”

“Someone walked in last night and said they’ll take care of it for you miss”

You thank her and walk away in confusion like,,,, ofc you’re grateful that you didn’t have to pay but who on earth would do that?????

One day you wanna explore the forest because i mean you lived next to it for basically almost your entire life and you don’t even know what it looks like!

Ofc your grandpa is like do you wanna get killed child um

“Pls gramps I lived my whole life being terrified of that forest and now that I’m older I kinda want to see what it looks like,,,, I’ll stay close enough to have the house in my view!”

“sigh,,,, well you’re an adult now I trust that you can make decisions for yourself so,,,, fine”

So off you go to your death exploring

You’re amazed by how enchanting the forest looks like from within, nothing like what you see from your house

The snow only adds more of a magical sense

There’s a small pond and some bushes where you guess is the deer’s habitat but they probably left to find a warmer spot

You push yourself to discover more about the forest so you inch just a litttttle farther

You see a bridge and think ????? did someone live here or something why is there a bridge?????

And being the curious cat you are you crossed it only to see aNOTHER HOUSE LIKE UM WHO THE

you hear some muffled talking and you’re just likE OH CRAP I GOTTA SCRAM so you hide behind a fairly big trunk just in time before some faces are in your view

You see a group of men around the same age as you and at first they seem to be normal but what’s normal about living in the middle of the woods????

You carefully eye each of them, and you mentally do a headcount of 13

One of them immediately catches your eye and you can’t help but feel a sense of familiarity

He’s wearing a gray turtleneck and black skinny jeans with a gray winter coAT SLJDKFLJDSFLJFDSLJFDLJDFSJDSF I LOVE WONWOO THE MODEL

He seems to be aware of you and he’s like @ the group

“Guys… do you sense someone here?”

And you’re like oH NO MY COVER IS BLOWN ABOR T M I SS ION

And the guys are like eh wonwoo you’re probably being a little paranoid

“Wonwoo it’s been years just let it GO!!!” (what’s up with all of these frozen puns this is unintentional i sTG!!!!) “the last time you said this it was just a rabbit!”

And you’re like ???? what do they mean by that buT I GOTTA JET

You wait for them to enter the house and wonwoo is the last one

He scans the area one more time and does a little head shake before heading inside

you can’t help but feel a tug in your heart because he just looked so disheartened and dejected

And he sWEARS he could have smelled your scent but maybe it was his brain tricking him like it did all these years :(((

Who hURT MY EMO SON wait you did indirectly lmao

You get tf out of there like “i aint trying to die again bye yall”

You’re scrambling to get out of there and when you reach the house your gramps is like so how did it go

“uM I HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO BYE”

Gramps: but??? it’s ,,,, break,,,,,,

You contemplate about what just happened back there

You: i shouldn’t go back i got lucky and didn’t get eaten alive

Also you: but i need to find out more ok it’s settled I will return

Soon enough you found yourself visiting the same place every day and now wonwoo is rEALLY on edge

“gUYS DON’T YOU SENSE IT WHAT THE HECK”

“wonwoo…….. We acknowledge your senses are the better ones out of us but…… you need to let her go”

You’re like omg what??? Her??? Who’s her?????

“You know I can’t do that…… she fed me -- hey wait a minute, is that someone over there?”

OOOHH FUCKKKKK

You’re like oH WELL FUCK MY LIFE

They whirl around to where his finger is pointing and they’re like hmm wait he’s right it looks like someone’s shadow

“COME OUT WHOEVER YOU ARE”

And you’re scared to literally freaking death bc you are not trying to get yourself killed but i mean you kinda had to see it coming tho

So you do what a reasonable person would

RUN

“hEY WHO ARE YOU”

But you just keep running and you eventually get lost in the forest and you’re like oh my god pLS NOT NOW

You’re desperately trying to reroute but you’re pretty sure you passed by that same stump six times

You try to calm down like ok look it’s still probably around noon and the sun is still out you still have time

That is until you hear a crunch of a leaf

And you’re like oH MY GOD NOW WHAT

You turn around to see you’re surrounded by dark black wolves

This is it this is where you die

And you’re trying to find an escape but you’re practically cornered

“Please….. Go find something else to devour……. I swear I am not tasty at all…………… I’m all bones you wouldn’t want that right aHAHA………...”

One of them inches closer to you and you can guess it’s probably the alpha male since it seems to be the biggest

And you’re like welp i lived a good life IM S ORRY GRAMPS YOU WERE RIGHT

You’re in the middle of having a mental breakdown when the alpha suddenly bares his teeth and you know it’s gonna go down

Just as it’s about to leap on you, you see another blurry figure slAMMING INTO THE ALPHA

A full on wolf battle is going on right in front of you

Not only did that wolf come but his entire pack did so it’s pack vs pack

And some black wolves are still trying to get @ you ;))) to devour you ;)))

I gotta go

But obv the other pack is like dON’T TOUCH HER and you’re super confused bc 

Well there’s obviously more than one thing to be confused about but your main concern is why am I not getting eaten??????

You can’t help but notice the one who rammed his body in your attacker has very,,,, familiar looking fur,,,,,,

And you’re like oMG NO,,,, NO IT CAN’T BE HOW

Since the wolf brawl has temporarily taken the focus off of you, you’re like ok this is my chance 2 escape

You don’t get too far like probably 15 feet when you’re feeling really lightheaded and nauseous

You stumble upon a tree and try to steady yourself but the events took a huge toll on you and so you collapse

Right before you do you feel someone’s arms holding your waist up and some yelling

“I… finally…. found you….” you hear someone whisper in your ear before you really blackout

By the time you regain consciousness the sun is about to set

You’re stirring around in a foreign bed and you’re like wait,,,, hold on,,,,,

Your eyes slowly adjust to the dim light and the strange room

You’re fully awake now and start panicking like where am i???? Am i gonna die?????

You see someone’s head on the edge of the bed and you’re like WHO THE

“oH GOODNESS” your little outburst woke him up

He groggily yawns and rubs his eyes “oh great you’re awake!!!!!11!!11”

You just stare at him in 34384682 emotions welling inside of you like pls do not hurt me i just want 2 go hOmE!!!

He starts to introduce himself as Wonwoo but who cARES YOU JUST WANNA GO HOME

“Ok Wonwoo i have no idea who you are or where I am but I need to leave before I’m actually gonna get killed by my grandpa I appreciate you letting me stay here for the time being but I gotta go now thanks i guess??? bye”

And you’re trying to keep your cool and escape as fast as you can but he’s right on your heels

He is nOT gonna let you leave so easily after spending the past decade thinking about you

You reach the outside of the house and you realize,,,, hey it’s the house i saw earlier,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

He eventually reaches you and pulls you around by the arm and you almost gasp when you see the intense look he has in his eyes

“I,,, can’t let you leave just yet”

“Please i’m sorry for snooping earlier!!! Please let m eg o I swear to keep my distance!!!!”

“tHAT’S THE THING I DON’T WANT YOU TO KEEP YOUR DISTANCE”

You: what

Him: what

“What…. did you say?”

“Don’t you remember me? You fed me”

And you’re like ?????????? ?? ???????  what is this guy on

“Uh… Wonwoo, was it? I think you have the wrong person; I don’t know what you’re--”

And it hits you

That day you thought you were gonna die

You look at him completely baffled like how is that even possible???? That was,,,, a wolf

Your breath is hitching you’re gonna faint again that means he was the same one who saved you from being eaten

“I know it’s hard to believe but that was me!!!!! Food was extremely difficult to find at that time and when I saw you…. Well, i was hoping you would be willing to spare me something”

My heart poor little wonu was gonna starve to death if it weren’t for you

“But…. but how….”

“Ah…. well that’s a story for later but the important thing is I was eternally grateful to you and I was determined to find you again,,,, I wanted to return the favor for saving me. Who do you think paid off your grandpa’s medical bills? I hope that blanket was warm enough for you”

YOU’RE FLIPPING OUT LIKE HOW DID HE

Turns out he’s been watching you from afar as his human form as your little guardian angel (or stalker…. tbh) im crying

“You were thankful just for some pieces of meat I gave out?”

“It wasn’t just some meat. You saved me from dying! I hadn’t had any food in my system for a week. I’ve helped your grandpa plenty of times at the market before. I also purchased those textbooks you needed for that math class”

“Wait but my friend gave those to me?”

“Yeah well that’s what I told her to say to you LOL”

gdi your friend was probably geeking out about how good looking he was

And you’re just trying to process this but it’s overwhelming to say the least

“You… you did all of that for me???”

And he’s like ofc!!! :DDD you deserve everything and more!!!!

And you’re like oH MY GOD DID I JUST DIE AND SEE AN ANGEL

“What about that pack from earlier?”

“That’s our rival pack,,,,, I’m so sorry you had to get caught up in our rivalry but good thing I got there in time. I told the others to help protect you”

And you start tearing up because of how gracious and humble and caring he is and he’s like oh nononono and starts to freak out and hugs you

You’re gonna bAWL why is this guy so nice to you he’s even rubbing circles on your back to help calm you down

“I’m not asking much of you…. but can we try getting to properly know each other? You were the only single person to not judge me in my wolf form,,,,, everyone else would throw sticks and stones :(((“ (words do indeed hurt you tho) “and i’m also grateful that you were able to accept me even as a creature that you feared”

you take a moment to breathe and eventually accept bc even tho this is all so sudden and foreign you can just tell he has a heart of gold and doesn’t wanna hurt you

Ofc your gramps throws a fit when you get home and he’s like wHY IS THIS GUY WITH YOU

After a long long talk things are settled and your gramps is like ok fine you can date her or whatever but one wrong move and your head is gonna be hanged here

“gRANDPA WE’RE NOT DATING (yet)!!!!”

“I’m just saying i got my eye on you boy”

You spend the rest of your break getting to really know Wonwoo and try to overlook his,,, alter ego thing,,,, as best as you can

You’re outside making snowmen and snow angels and just being so carefree about everything

You somehow end up in a snowball fight with wonwoo and he’s like ur going down!!11!!

You’re hiding behind a tree and peek out to find him but when all of a sudden someone ambushes you from behind

“I GOT YOU” he screams in your ear while you’re laughing and trying to wiggle out of his arms

You guys stumble and fall with him on top of you oHMYGOHDGHLGDS

Your laughter dies down a little and all you can think about is how close your faces are

He softly smiles at you and leans down to give you your firST KISS IM SCREAMING

“HEY KIDS WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING”

“gRANDPA STOP”

[robertjacobsugdens]

Robron + 37

37. meeting in prison jail (bc I’m a huge wimp, sorry. Also I took my liberties with stuff. The prison industrial complex is bad and I am allowed my poetic license.)

“I have rights! I want to call my solicitor!” Robert shouts at theretreating form of the policeman. It looks suspiciously like the man issilently laughing at him. Robert is going to sue the whole damn policedepartment.

He shouldn’t even be here.

“The more you shout the more they’re gonna keep you in here.” Says a voicewith an unexpected Yorkshire accent behind him.

Robert turns around and sees a man lying on one of the benches. He’s gothis eyes closed and he’s wearing all black. Robert can see bruises and cuts onhis knuckles from there.

He goes back to shouting at the guards.

“I have rights!”

“Seriously, the more you yell the longer it will take them for them toprocess ya.” The man says again, still not stirring from his position. “They doit on purpose.”

“I need to get out of here!” Robert snaps at the man.

The man cracks an eye open. Even in the dimly lit space they’re in,Robert can see his eyes are a beautiful shade of blue.

“Mate, look around you, we all do.” He says with a smile that is justthis side of too sharp.

Great. Ten minutes and Robert already managed to piss off the guy withblood on his hands. Because he’s in jail. Robert is in jail.

He is so fucked.

He can feel the fight leaving him and he crumples into one of thebenches, as far away from the other guy as possible. They’re the only onesawake in the cell (and oh G-d, Robert is in a cell), with another guy snoringsoftly on another one of the benches, and just because the guy doesn’t seem tooinclined to hurt Robert right now, it doesn’t mean he won’t later on. Robertisn’t taking any chances.

The guy closes his eye again and Robert looks around. There’s nothingmuch to do while in a jail cell and Robert knows from experience that boredomis never good for him. He also feels a weird itch to see the man’s eye again.Maybe even both eyes, if he’s lucky.

“What are you in for?” He asks.

The man cracks the eye open again and looks Robert up and down a coupleof times. It’s not leering or inappropriate, more like he’s trying to sizeRobert up.

“You care?” He asks with a scoff.

“Not particularly, but it’s either talking to you or having a very quietnervous breakdown.” Robert shrugs. It’s intended as a joke, but there’s alreadyan edge of panic in his voice.

The guy sighs and sits up, now facing Robert. He’s shorter than Roberthad thought, but not as small as the dark baggy clothes make him look. He hasdark brown hair, and those piercing blue eyes. He shrugs.

“There was a misunderstanding. I thought I was climbing into a friend’shouse, but I got the wrong window.” He says and Robert irrationally hopes hecan lie better than that or he’s facing some pretty serious breaking andentering charges.

“What about you –”

“Robert.”

“I’m Aaron. So, what happened?” Aaron asks. He looks, not eager, butinterested. And well. Robert’s has had aday.

“A fight broke out in a bar I was in. The police arrived and justarrested everyone. Including people not involved in the fight!” He replied,almost yelling the last part out.

“What bar was it?” Aaron asks.

Robert hesitates.

“Were you in a strip club?” Aaron asks again, conspiratorially.

“What? No! I was at the Therapy.”

“The gay bar?” Aaron asks. He looks confused. Robert can relate.

“I’m not gay.” He says, almost a reflex.

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” He replies and he looks like he’sabout to go back to his not quite nap.

“I’m here on my honeymoon.” The words tumble out before he can reallystop them. “With my wife.”

“Oh.” Aaron says. To his credit he doesn’t look like he’s about to laughin Robert’s face.

“Yeah. Oh.”

-

“How did a Yorkshire lad like yourself end up here?” Robert asks.

“Moved here with a boyfriend.” Aaron says, and Robert senses a storythere, but he doesn’t press.

“Ended badly?” Robert asks, trying to be tactful.

“Ended blandly.” Aaron replies, smiling pleased at his terrible joke.Robert will allow it. It’s late and they’re sharing a jail cell with a snoringguy. He’s gonna have to take the good with the bad. “But I liked the city anddecided that staying here was better than going back home.”

-

“What do you mean you never read Stephen King? That’s a travesty!”Robert says, mock outrage mixing in with real outrage.

“Sorry I’m not a nerd.” Aaron replies, making a face.

-

“I’m not really out to anyone.” Robert says after a lull in theconversation. He’s sitting on the same bench as Aaron now.

“The wife was a dead giveaway.” Aaron says, and it’s sarcastic, butthere’s an edge of sympathy there.

Robert rolls his eyes. “I’m not gay. I’m bi.”

“Then why were you in a gay bar on your honeymoon?” Aaron asks. There’sno real judgement there, for which Robert is really glad.

Robert has been asking himself the same question for a good few hoursnow. He’s nowhere near close to a good, or even acceptable, answer.

-

“No, mate, I swear, he was just standing there, completely naked, whilea whole flock of sheep kept circling him like sharks.” Aaron says and he’ssmiling a huge blinding smile.

And maybe it’s the story or maybe it’s the fact that it’s late, or maybeit’s Aaron, but Robert is laughing so hard there’s tears streaming down hisface.

-

“I just needed space.” Aaron says, but he has a wistful look in hiseyes, like maybe he’s starting to realize he doesn’t want so much of itanymore.

“So why don’t you just go back? I bet your family misses you.” Robertreplies.

“It’s complicated.” Aaron says.

Robert gives him a dirty look, because it’s a cop-out and Aaron mustknow it.

“I wasn’t on good terms with everyone before I left.” He adds in a waythat makes it clear the topic is closed.

“That’s bullshit.” Robert replies, gears up for Aaron to fight him onit.

-

“I was just never good enough.” Robert says, his head tipped backagainst the wall, his eyes closed. “I just thought that if I finally did thingshis way I would feel like he was proud of me.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says, putting one of his hands on Robert’s arm. It’swarm and solid and comforting, despite everything. “If he couldn’t see howamazing you are, it was on him.”

Robert scoffs. “We’re in jail.”

“For a misunderstanding. I know that bar, they have security cameras,I’m sure they’ll review the footage soon and let you go.” Aaron says. It’sbarely anything, but it’s still reassuring.

“Robert.” Aaron says a few seconds later. He has a weird tone that makesRobert open his eyes and look at him. He seems worried.

“What’s wrong?”

Before Aaron can answer however, a police officer opens the door.“Livesy, come with me.” He says, nodding at Aaron.

“See you, Robert.” Aaron says, getting to his feet and walking out. Heleaves with one last smile at Robert.

“See you.” Robert replies, with a type of sadness he can’t quite name inhis voice.

-

Robert has resigned himself to spending his whole night in a jail cell.He’s made his peace with it. He has accepted it. What he hasn’t resignedhimself to, is the fact that he will probably never see Aaron again.

He’s just thinking about that, when the same officer as before comesback.

“Sugden, it’s your lucky day, you’re out.” He says, opening the jaildoor.

“What? Just like that?” Robert asks, and well, if there’s somebitterness in his voice, he’s only human.

“With the excuses of the police department.” The officer says, lookinglike it’s paining him to do so.

Robert wants to argue. He wants to fight. He wants to threaten everyoneinvolved in this from the arresting officer to the mayor. He’s also very tired.He wants to go back to his hotel, shower, and start the long and arduousprocess of making his wife believe whatever lie he’s going to spin to her.

He goes.

-

Outside he’s greeted by an unexpected sight. It’s Aaron, smoking whileleaning on a car parked in front of the precinct.

“What are you doing here?” Robert asks, smiling despite himself.

“You thought I would be halfway to a courthouse by now?” Aaron asks witha grin.

“If not already on your way to prison.” Robert half-jokes.

Before Aaron can reply, a harried looking officer approaches him with apile of documents in her arms. “Detective Dingle, I’m so glad you’re stillhere. Could you sign this for me, please?” She asks, basically shoving theentire pile and a pen at Aaron.

“Detective Dingle?” Robert asks. He should be confused, probably angry,definitely perplexed. As it is, he’s intrigued. It might be the exhaustiontalking.

Aaron waits for the officer to walk away before talking again. “I wasn’tin there for you.”

“The sleeping guy?” Robert ventures.

“I can’t really talk about it.”

“How about you talk about you. Over breakfast. Detective Dingle.”

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 2 - “I will not be a little tea pot this time” - Ellie

dylan r

OKAY! New game! I’m excited to start! I’m just kinda trying my best to socialize, I’m horrible at talking to other people, my plan early is usually to just win tribals and form small connections with people 

Although I flopped SO HARD during that challenge it’s unbelievable I literally tried that for hours & I couldn’t do it like literally 

Not much else, I’m just kinda vibing. 

Jack

So Ellie totally spilled that she's gonna send stuff to our tribe so i'm telling my tribe that. I think raffy is gonna do the same. Also im thinking everyone on one so that we mess with them.

Jack

My audio is going crazy and cutting out and im like AM I BEING SPOKEN TO????!?!?

Jack

I'm chatting with maynor and stephen and thats going good. but also Raffy is cool but imma try to put some false ideas about the cookie game on him 

Raffy

There was one hinky vote for me which tells me that people think I am push-y and a leader on this tribe which is not ok. I mean I want to win challenges, but I don't want to be seen as aggressive. However, I guess I cannot help it. I need to get into an alliance soon. Otherwise, I'll find myself not within a majority. I guess my social game isn't strong enough so I need to rely on my strategic game.

Keith John

Well, its been about three days since the game began, It's going okay for me. We won Immunity so game talk has been on the low. The time difference really screwed me over, I wasn't part of the latest immunity challenge discussion. Even though I wouldn't have contributed much in that convo, Having no input or talk during such moments puts me on the back foot (socially). The saving grace is that I was able to connect to four others through one on one convos. That has helped me built a sort of majority alliance, But as a thumb rule of survivor, unless we don't through a vote together. U cant trust anyone. Hopefully, it sticks and I am able to get through the first few votes. I don't know why but I keep getting a feeling that maybe John and Cormac are telling me what I wanna hear and make me feel comfortable. I hope that isn't true and the alliance is genuine. Cause I feel I really get along with them and can really work with them for a long time.  I think both of them are awesome. The only other person I trust is Zoe, we just connected quick. Sierra though in my alliance I haven't yet had a strong one on one conversation with her. let's see what's in store in the coming days 

Jack

Were planning to fuck with the other tribe by sending a spy to seed some accidental plan spillage. John’s a smart cookie. MaynorJay. I am slightly sad you split me and Timmy up. The cast reveal and seeing Timmy in that tribe i was like :0. But you did make it one world so i could still talk game with him 😊. Plus i missed being hosted by you. ❤️

John

this plan i concocted could either be really good or really bad. all we gotta do is throw the other side off their scent. but can we do it and make it believable? i guess we will find out tonight.

Ellie

Cookies is chaotic: more detail coming later

Jack

I took a risk for the idol hunt that might cost me my vote at the next tribal. I'm both regretting this decision and thinking it'll probably maybe be worth it...?

John

ok my plan dissolved like an alka seltzer. that’s fun. we love that. i just hope we win at this point. if we lose, that’s going to make things quite interesting.

Ellie

K so lack of communication has officially reached another level, this would be easier if people spoke???? Even Joseph did and he had finals!!!!! Some people have time to try to get on my good side and strategize but not to fucking talk about the challenge???? Some of yall👀👀

Sierra

Sitting out of this challenge was agonizing! I couldn’t be a part of any of the strategy talk for the challenge itself... so I had little to no clue what to expect as I watched. I really don’t want to go to Tribal Council, either. I’m hoping that we can pull out a win and I won’t have to stir the pot and potentially show my cards alliance-wise this early in the game.

Dylan C

I haven't been talking to people enough today and should probably do some of that. Well, I certainly will if we go to tribal but I'm hoping we don't

Jack

Cromac and I chatted for a bit and agreed on a sort of alliance, so that's a thing. Other than that I have fingers crossed for us winning this challenge!

Sierra

So we lost immunity, and I’m PISSED. We fully expected Keith to get 60 cookies from our tribe alone, but he only ended up with 55. That means that somebody on our tribe did not play into the tribe’s strategy. Now my butt could be on the line and I didn’t even have a chance to play in the immunity challenge! I feel relatively safe with my alliance, but anything could happen between now and tribal. Here’s hoping my five stick together!

Timmy

We won!! There was strategy used on the tribe but also people just tried to take control of what everyone else was doing. Like if they try to do that for the challenge they’ll try to do that for votes and that’s not how I’m trying to roll. It kind of sucks that the people I want to work with are on the other tribe. I want to message jack bc they seem chill based on the call last night after tribal. Also there is no way I’ll get an idol bc these slide puzzles are ridiculous.

Sierra

Right now it looks like the votes will be heading towards Stephen. I really like him and think he could be a good ally... but the numbers are against him right now, and that makes it difficult to save him. I don’t want to sink my game attempting to save his... so it looks like Stephen will be the first one voted off of our tribe. I’ll really miss having another literature lover on the tribe, and I’ll miss having some intercontinental diversity, but I’d rather save my own neck right now.

Maynor

So I am now in an alliance with Cormac, Zoe, Sierra, and John. And it is called Maynor’s lovers for some reason. But it now got changed to Maynor’s Angels. 👀 jay came to my host chat and was like ___ is shook. And i died as well. So far the target seems like it might be Stephen that was brought up by John. But we still have until tomorrow so who knows. As long as im safe that is all that matters.

John

hi. i’m john, i’m 20 years old, and i’m absolutely worried stephen has an idol. he just...doesn’t connect. and it puts me on edge. so i want the vote to be somewhat split. we need to put the majority of them on stephen, but have one or two of us worms put down someone else’s name just in case stephen pulls out an idol. no matter what, us 4 (me, cormac, sierra, and zoe) need to get through this vote so we have the majority.

Jack

WOW. Okay so Cormac and I a pretty tight rn. Plan is to vote either Maynor or Stephen. Cormac is closer with Zoe, who i haven'y heard from much. Sierra and I have had some banter with Sierra and opened up private channels with them. Imma check that they're good with Stephen or Maynor, and which they'd prefer. 

Jack

Sierra seems to want to keep Maynor around more than Stephen while I'm feeling the other way. I'm down with either so hopefully things work out.

Dylan C

https://cnet2.cbsistatic.com/img/tcQaSg5LL_0-HBuWFPxpguK71TM=/1092x0/2019/06/06/b11ccfac-685e-4cb2-a239-b09af07b1baf/toriflynn2.jpg

Jack

IDOLS EXSIST. And hopefully Stephen and maynor dont have any

Jack

I MADE A DUMB CRAZY PLAN. Like I said to the others it basically, we make a chat with Stephen, tell him heyyyyy lets vote Maynor, then go and actually vote Stephen. I feel a little bit evil but also i totally get the reason blindsides are so popular. I FEEL LIKE A SPY!

Dylan C

I love you, Jay

Jack

The trap has been set, hopefully Stephen falls for the it and nothing goes to shit. And also that Cormac's not pulling a con on me. I doubt he is but pArAnOiA.  

Jack

STEPHEN RESPONDED AND HE SEEMS DOWN WITH VOTING MAYNOR AND BELIEVES CORMAC AND ME AND I CHATTED WITH JOHN AND HES DOWN WITH VOTING STEPHEN BUT O MY GOD IM SO NERVOUS. sorry bout the caps lock, I feel like it was needed to covey my FEELiNGS

Jack

All the gears are locked in. Everyone's voting Stephen; Stephen seems to be on board with voting Maynor; Maynor will hopefully stick with going for Stephen; and Keith will maybe hopefully I hope go with what me and Cormac are going for. 

That started off so confident and turned into "Hm maybe I'm not sure I hope"

John

ok so here’s the tea sisters. our original target was stephen. he’s more reserved, kinda quiet, but he’s going after less active players (ironic, right), and apparently he is targeting keith. so if an idol is played, it might be him. so the worms are talking to jack and trying to get him to come on board for our plan. jack goes into complete paranoia mode between all of us, and we’re concerned he’s a flight risk. so the vote is shifting to jack. being erratic is more dangerous in this game than silence is.

John

lmao if this blindside on jack completely backfires and i go to EOE, i’d actually scream over how much work is going into it. this is so messy and complex for literally day 4 of this game that it perplexes me. it’s either gonna be 4/3/1 or 5/2/1, i’m not sure yet. but strap in folks, we’re experiencing turbulence. the plane may be going down.

Jack

Other than Keith everyone's locked in to vote for Stephen, even Maynor. Me and Stephen chatted and he complimented me saying that i don't seem like a new player cause I'm so comfortable in chat and I'm here like "hahahah yeah so weird not like in acting all calm and collected at you so you don't know I'm voting for you." I do feel a bit bad voting out Stephen now that I've got a better vibe on him, and I've been leaving little hints of "sorry for voting you out" and "hope you come back from the edge" at him, but doing them as me saying "Oh I feel so bad for voting out Maynor" so that I don't blow my cover but yeah. Here's all my guilt dude ^ 

Joseph Collins

We got an immunity win which was nice. Apparently Malarkey (Melrakki) played with some type of strategy. And Ulfur went coocoo for coco puffs and won. So I’m happy about that. Putting a plan in motion to get some threats out soon. Need a really good numbers advantage first. 

Zoe

GOD okay wow this is so much. We lost the immunity challenge, which is funny because I said that I was pretty confident we were going to win. I'm not concerned about being sent home, I'm almost positive Cormac would tell me if he knew, and I have good relationships with people in my tribe. And very good news: Well, after literally teaching myself how to do a slide puzzle, wrestling with the god-host herself over reference images and website dysfunctionality, I finally reached the end of the idol hunt and located a very beautiful advantage, which is to call a blind vote and then see what people vote even though nobody else can. I read it a few times and then facetimed with Cormac to tell him the good news, and we agreed we would keep it until swap or merge and use it to see where peoples' loyalties lie. We discussed all of our options, our relationships with different people, and who we want to keep close until later. I have a good relationship with Timmy and Maynor, and I think Dylan C as well, so that will come in handy when we swap and after the merge. We also solidified an alliance with us and Keith. FUCKING MEANWHILE, over in tribe Machievelli, the "oh, worm?" alliance has gone absolutely nuts strategizing over this vote. Jack has made everyone very paranoid by asking every person in the tribe who they were voting for. He had never messaged me individually before, and then just popped up and said he wanted to make sure I was voting for Stephen, which is who "oh, worm?" was originally going to vote for. I think it was Cormac who brought it up because Jack keeps info-dumping all of his thoughts onto him, but we all agreed to vote for Jack. Cormac and I discussed how to tell each person, one of those resulting in a final three deal with Keith, entitled "Zoe and the boys" as well as a yet to be titled final four alliance with me, Cormac, John, and Keith, yet to be named, that neither John nor Keith know about. Ultimately we said that we'd check back in in the morning and determine if anything had blown up overnight with Jack, since he seems to be very paranoid.

Jack

MWAHAHAAHHA Stephen believes out plan to vote maynoris genuine but it is a TRICK. Hope he doesn't hate me tho, seems like a nice guy. Those read receipts are just real sus being off man. but he tots believes me, Cormac, and Sierra.

Zoe

It's been more of a quiet morning, though we are all tense about what is going to happen at tribal. We don't think there is anything crazy happening with Jack, and ultimately we aren't telling Stephen about the plan in case he ends up telling a person he isn't supposed to. It should turn out to be a 6-1-1 vote, hopefully none of those going to me. I want to play a low key game here: I want to be making the decisions with Cormac, making tight alliances with other players, and then having them go out and do the dirty work. John seems like a good guy and a good player, and I also feel like he thinks he's the leader of our little group. It's definitely in our best interest to stay tight with him, but we have to be wary of him making alliances on the other side as well.

Maynor

I’m so fucken nervous and I swear if im voted out second. Ugh. Jack can go home. Like i did nothing to you and you just decide to come for me for no reason? Like wow. Jacks the target and I hope the people ive been talking to and aligned with are telling me the truth cuz it would totally suck if they are lying to me. There is really no reason to take me out who is active instead of jack who isnt active and just barely coming on. Fuuuuuuck me. Im be paranoid the whole fucken day arent I. 

Stephen

So this tribe is kinda dull, so theyve chosen a dull vote. Maynor. I like maynor but he has been a little silent. The big question is: is there a majority alliance out there? The answer is yes, of course there is, there always is. I make my survivor career on not being in majority alliance then tearing them apart when the tea gets spilled. See: Tashirojima.

Jack

Made a bit of a conection with Ellie from the other tribe, and she seems pretty open to working together if we make it to the merge or if theres a tibe swap

Raffy

I am happy that we do not have to go to tribal. It allows me to be more social with people on my tribe without the threat of a vote looming over our heads. 

Justin

This round was a lot more chill. Mostly cuz we won immunity, but I'm still keeping my relations with everyone good. I realized this round that Cormac, whom I have been talking to since last round, is on the other tribe lol. Luckily, I didn't tell him any compromising information, and now I have a connection to the other tribe. Plus, Keith from the other tribe reached out to me and we had a really good conversation. I like him a lot and I see myself working with him in a swap or merge. He is from Pakistan so he is also in the eastern hemisphere as well as Stephen. So, I was thinking I could possibly make an Old World alliance because we are closer to each other in times. However, Cormac has told me that his tribe is most likely voting out Stephen so that won't work out. I would say the only alliance I have so far is with Cormac, so I need to make something official with a player in my tribe before other people get them. Specifically, I want to ask Timmy to be in an alliance. 

Maynor

Today has been really quiet. I really hope the people telling me im good are telling the truth. I hope my connections are strong enough to let me survive this first round. Im so nervous and ugh i hate this feeling. Id be extremely sad if I go over an inactive. 

Raffy

Truly. Honestly. I'm so lazy. I don't want to do the idol hunt lmao

Jack

I can't remember if i already did a confessional about this but in case i didn't: Ellie and i chatted a bit and she seems open to working together later in the game and Cormac seems down with that plan too. Idk if i cant /trust/ Raffy but he also seems cool too

Ellie

So I feel like Raffy is a tiny bit annoyed with me sometimes cause I do share a lot, but I will not be a little tea pot this time. Raffy and I talk strategy all the time and he’s my closest ally but it honestly feels like I barely know him while my other close ally, Dylan, I have bonded with a lot and know a lot about them while still strategizing with them. It’s weird but I’m not going to push. He told me to stop talking about past games, and I’m like ? If I don’t mention you we’ll be chill

Ellie

Also we bonded with jack 👀

Maynor

Tonight, i may be leaving. Ill just be really sad. Mad at first cuz i tried my hardest in first immunity and then someone decides to mess up in the 2nd if by accident or on purpose. Mostly ill be sad cuz i wont be able to play with Timmy. I finally got to retalking with dylan and really miss them. Mostly ill be sad cuz let jay down for giving me a 3rd chance after my performance in rotuma. Ily Jay. Hopefully i stay. ❤️❤️❤️

Dylan C

I have to choose whether or not to do a part of the idol hunt where if I do it, I risk losing my vote at the next tribal I attend, and if I don't do it then I start the idol hunt over. Heck. I'll probably do it tbh.

Maynor messaged me a few minutes ago to say that he thinks he's getting voted out tonight, and that he enjoyed talking to me again. I don't want to see him go, in part bc I wanted to try to ally with him at some point and also just because I like him. Also I don't know what's going on on the other tribe but? Y'all are gonna vote out the guy who held a cup over his head for over two hours for your tribe? Smh

Jack

I really like Dylan C's vibe. Imma PM them later some more and see if that's a thing

Sierra

The vote switched when Jack started getting paranoid — his name wasn’t even coming up until he started asking everyone if they were SURE that they were down with the plan. It felt really awkward to have to reiterate over and over again that we were on his side... and it made it difficult to believe that HE was really with US. I’m really grateful that Stephen gets to stay around for another few days!

Dylan R

Ok so I did all of the puzzles for the idol hunt & then I FLOPPED on the challenge so: I have my clown outfit on. 

I’m trying to make friends but it’s hard 🥺 I think if we go to tribal Joseph will go before be but I got some serious catch up to do if I wanna win 

John

i know keith was originally our fifth, but i’m kinda wanting to work with maynor the more i talk to him. i want a fifth that will side with me if needed. and idk if keith could be that fifth that would benefit ME. it’s also just a thought. not tied to the idea yet. stay tuned kids.

cormac marek

Alrighty very eventful times leading up to our first tribal. I have been involved in like 13 alliance chats. Me and Zoe had an hour call last night on how she found an advantage to be kept between the two of us. It was amazing! Keith seems on board for anything. He has a "as long as its not me" gameplay. The core worm alliance was going to vote out Stephen but switched it to Jack after he became insane. It was sad because we were going to include Jack in on the deals. Maynor was told that Jack was gunning for him so that's a vote for Chaos Kass. If all goes smooth it will be unanimous. Stephen asked me right before tribal and I told him Jack was gunning for him and that majority was going for him. Hopefully this means he will be with us. It is really tricky. Let's see how the blood rolls

Joseph Collins

Patiently waiting on next immunityyyyyyy. 

Timmy

Jack is trying to get maynor out...so jack can go.

[martinlawless]

Full Gas Winter Crit, Cat 2/3

Lee Valley Velopark, Cat 2/3, Saturday 5 January 2019

So I’m back down to Lee Valley. I get there early, but have no problem fettling to fill my time. I remove my second bottle cage: to save a few aero watts, but really just to look more pro. I spend a lot of time deciding what to wear. It’s 2.5 degrees C. Real-feel hovering above zero. But it doesn’t feel too bad. I think it’s because the air is dry and there’s little wind. So I opt for full bibs, cheap fake light Castelli overshoes, clingy undervest, No-Rain arm warmers, Cheap light gloves under my mitts and one of those skull cap things under the helmet. I’ve yet to race and feel the cold: as we’re simply working so hard. So always try and avoid overdoing it.

Other lubrication routines apply: chamois cream, generous Deep Heat application (utterly irrelevant for the muscles, but the strong smell is so evocative of racing that it gets the mind and adrenaline going), and a bit of pain relief gel at the base of the spine - the tension hurts my back, especially if I’m not stretching enough).

I sign in and notice I’m the second oldest of the 30 riders in this Cat 2/3 race. By quite some way! There’s only a few born in the 70s. I let out a little sigh and wonder if I really should be doing more Masters racing. But I resolve to crack-on and going for it among the yoof. This race for me is a chance to keep in the habit of putting a number on my back and see where I am among my mostly Cat 2 friends. The last 2/3 crit I’d done was just about precisely two years ago. I had a shocker, the power demands were enormous, our average was 27mph+, and I had to console myself that albeit I was the last to cross the line in 37th and a good quarter lap off the bunch, 7-8 others behind me had DNFd.

I’ve got into a habit of trying to ride for 20 minutes as a warm-up. Based on what we do at Welwyn race training. I’ve got big gloves on and my winter coat, riding around in the small ring. My other routine is with 10 mins to go, get off the bike and go back into the warm registration room, to not lose the warm-up warmth and to do a few stretches to feel a bit more supple and reactive.

I wait until I hear the whistle to gather up and join the back of the group. There’s four from Rock & Road, so they’ll have a plan. Everyone seems to know each other pretty well and I recognise a few riders too.

We’re off. Before the start, the Commissaire had mumbled something about a crash just before, or last week, or something, on the southern bend, so we’d be cutting that bit out today and instead shooting east from the furthest west hairpin in a straight line. I quite enjoy this variation on the usual course. We’re going anti-clockwise, my favourite direction.

This feels like a ‘proper’ race, and not just a simple blast, with the group big enough to cause dynamics with wind and cornering and breaks happening that could stick. As well as there being strategies and plans clearly being played out: co-riders whispering to each other and such.

I resolve to stick in to the top 10 and not get silly or carried away. If there was a break, I planned to let it go. I’m way off any max wattage required to make an effective breakaway, unless it was a big group.

I’m enjoying myself. It’s a relief. I had wondered if I’d struggle like I did in my previous 2/3. But I can feel I’m on form and quite capable. I have a good sense of wind direction and my nous on positioning is better than ever. All the same, be under no illusion: this race is rapid, fast changing and demanding. I can remember no other time where I have never looked down at my speedo for such a long time. I’m having to work out the race dynamic so much, there’s no time to flinch and take my eye off the ball. I realise this when I look over my shoulder on a straight and my contact lenses nearly fall out as my eyes are so dry. I’ve had this happen before and it’s about being really wide-eyed and not blinking enough: like a frightened rabbit. It’s 25 minutes into the race when I first look at my computer. We’re half way through the race and have averaged 25.4mph. Precisely the sort of average I’d anticipated. Pretty tasty for this time of year and cold.

I think about preserving my powers a bit. I find myself on the front and loll around uninterested in this spot. I spend a good lap quite far up the top of the group, while Rock & Road launch deliberate constant breaks and can feel the burn. So sit back in the bunch for a while.

At one point, I made it on to the back of a decent looking big break, but it lasted, oooh… 10 seconds? Nothing was going to stick.

The five laps to go board goes up and there’s that sense of anticipation in the group. We keep it pretty tasty, but we all know this is a bunch sprint. Two to go and it’s still steady. Bell lap: and we’re off. My plan was to go long. I was flying up the mini hill after the Pringle every lap, and used this to give me a boost to mid bunch. It’s hard to see where the action is and how it will play out but as we crank it into overdrive on the final lump, I see the sheltered left side remains fairly open so go there for my sprint. The bunch is very ‘flat’ and there is no noticeable ‘arrow shape’ to this sprint. We sort of hold our places in the peloton til the last five seconds where I seem to gain ground. But, going deeper would be sketchy and I just will never be reckless in such situations. We flash over the line as a tight group. I’m 13th and 0.16 seconds off 10th and a BC point, and 0.75 seconds off winning. I really love transponders in races, they provide amazing data.

I’m delighted with my form. On reflection, I should have buried myself on the mini-hill and taken my chances on the far line. But that might have come to nothing.

I unpin and change to meet up with my family who are seeing Salford City play the Orient just over a mile from the circuit. Very strange: almost as soon as I leave Lee Valley I get ill with a super quick hitting virus. Faster than anything I’ve ever known. Fully-fit to bed ridden in just a few hours. I think it’s probably got something to do with how much a virus can attack when your immune system is low after a race. I should take more vitamin tablets after a race and/or eat an apple.

https://www.strava.com/activities/2057210948