#and that’ll be… a whole other bunch of things to think about and lose sleep over lol

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I am. so tired. :’)

[writers-potion]

Writing Mad Characters

Okay this is a bit awkward because I had this question copypasted into Google Docs I use to draft my answers, and I realized I've lost the question in my inbox (which is being flooded).

So...I'm so sorry for whoever asked this question. Sorry for the delay because I was struggling with life in general for the past month and definitely SORRY for losing your question (－‸ლ)

Q: I'm writing a story where a major character is slowly spiraling into madness where small details kinda hint into the downfall right before the bigger details appear and then it the floodgates open. Is there anything I should avoid? Anything that I should keep in mind? Anything that I should research?

Things to Avoid

“Mad” or “Insane” is too general. Writing a cliched ‘crazy’ character who randomly talks to imaginary people and lashes out at strangers, you’ll offend a whole bunch of people who've gone through/have mental illnesses. Read up on existing mental conditions (schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic disorder and borderline personality disorder, etc.) to see what your character might have. 

Words like “mad” “crazy” or “insane” aren’t enough when you’re describing their status. As mentioned, these words hardly mean much when it comes to providing a clear description.

Contradicting yourself. Throwing random unhinged symptoms here and there wouldn’t work. In fact, you must have a clear arc on which they’re traveling and ensure that your “hints” are all getting at something.

Making the character overly destructive or harmful to others (when nothing really justifies it)

Justifying damaging behavior with this “madness”. Mad or not, your character will still have motives and goals that drive them forward. 

Making them look incompetent just the fact that they have a mental condition that makes them appear “mad” to others shouldn’t prevent them from achieving success. In fact, they may be even more cool-hearted and logical when it comes to their obsessions/goals. 

Research Tips

Narrow down the mental conditions your character experiences. Even if it’s a fictional condition, try basing it on existing ones and building on top of them. 

Take some time to study characters and/or real clinical cases that resemble the kind of madness you’re going for. 

- Anxiety Disorders: excessive fear and dread (ex. phobias) - Mood Disorders: persistent swings in mood or persistent feelings that interfere with daily life (ex. Depression, bipolar) - Psychotic Disorders: disordered thinking (ex. schizophrenia) - Eating Disorders: extreme emotional attitudes toward food (ex. Bulimia, anorexia) - Impulse Disorders: unable to resist urges (ex. Kleptomania, pyromania, gambling) - Personality Disorders: extreme inflexible personality traits (ex. Anti-social disorder, OCPD) - Past Traumatic Stress: persistent, frightening memories leading to emotional numbness 

Does your character have empathy?  

A sociopathic kind of madness is different. 

General Writing Tips for Spiraling into Madness

Establish a Baseline 

A lot of factors (stress, family history, innate personality, trauma, etc.) can contribute to madness, but it is not going to happen in a week. Define the existing mental and physical conditions your character has, and start from there. 

If you’re aiming for suicidal tendencies at the end, you want to start with symptoms of depression (a condition that may lead to suicide) - growing apathetic, erratic sleeping patterns, irritability, etc. 

This is also the stage where you want to plant some triggers that’ll go off later.

Trigger Events

A perfectly sound character suddenly spiraling down the madness route due to a single accident or traumatizing event isn’t convincing. 

A madness “snap” denies the reader the experience of watching the character’s journey into madness and how they feel about it. 

Internal Conflict (antagonist in himself) 

You must remember that madness is incurable. If someone could “cure” themselves by eating healthy, exercising and taking a few pills, it wouldn’t be much of a madness, would it? This means that the worst antagonist is going to be the character themselves, or the part of them that’s been taken away. 

Show how they are frustrated with themselves, scared of themselves, angry at their “alternative self”. The experience of not knowing yourself is a whole journey of its own.

Physical Manifestations/Quirks

If your character has a routine, show how they break down. 

They might develop habits that they otherwise would never allow themselves to have, perhaps as an effort to “keep this madness out”

Deteriorating Relationships

Depict how the character’s madness impacts his closed/loved ones. In the earlier stages, those close to him might be faster to notice and accept the signs of madness, even if the character denies it him/herself.

The first signs of madness might show when the character is trying to deal with difficult relationships - like losing patience and being unable to pick up subtle social clues.

Choosing Obsessions Over Primal Urges 

For these characters, obsession can take over a person’s normal urge to eat, sleep or even live. This can lead to, more or less, suicide. 

Example: In Black Swan, Nina’s obsession with becoming the perfect ballerina drive her to insanity, to the point where she doesn't mind dying on stage for the show.

[amaranthnymph]

I think I’d like to go to a bath house sometime. (Body image thoughts ahead, be warned)

I’ve always fantasized about it, I’ve enjoyed the occasional threeway, but it’s also like really really daunting for me for several reasons.

Sex with strangers has never been a particularly safe activity, but it sure seems worse nowadays because, and maybe it’s just my experience with local men, dudes think PrEP is a wonder drug that’ll protect you from EVERY STI and that’s just, Jesus, so fucking stupid lol I’ve chatted with so many hot dudes who I end up losing interest in because they only bareback ‘cos they’re on PrEP and when I would bring up that I wasn’t on it yet, they’d just say “okay, but I’M on it, so…?” And that fucking mindset is exactly what led to me getting stealthed, which in CA is considered rape, but I still feel hesitant to say I was raped even tho I explicitly told him I wasn’t comfortable with barebacking, and maybe my hesitancy is because I came out of that unscathed and my experience is so much less, I dunno, traumatic or violent as other people’s experience? Idk Anyway, that’s one of the reasons, I don’t trust other people to be getting regularly tested.

Another reason is two-fold: distance and my job. Unless I’m wrong, the closest bath house is Steamworks in Berkeley which is a 3 hour drive! It’s not THAT long, but I dunno how I’d find a way to make the trip and stay in Berkeley for a weekend when I have to take care of my mom. She’s becoming a little more sefl-sufficient, but I am constantly worried that she’ll get hurt or something when I’m not around. There’s not really anyone else to care for her since my sister works days, my dad works nights, and they end up sleeping most of the time they’re home because they work so hard. I already feel like I don’t do enough to help my mom these days but that’s because I’m so burnt out from taking care of her, and her stroke last year only made things harder as she needed full-time care. Like, I know I could be doing more, but fuck, I’m so fucking tired.

Lastly, and sadly my biggest obstacle, is my belly. While I don’t think I’m unattractive (I don’t think I’d have been as successful a slut as I am if I wasn’t sexy as hell), I certainly don’t enjoy what I see in the mirror. My face? Handsome! Ass? Huge and plump! Thighs? Thick and great for intercrural. But my belly? I hate it. Fucking loathe it. It hangs in a way I’ve not really seen other dudes’ bellies hang, my belly fat distribution is so fucking weird. Like, most other dudes my weight have rounder, less flabby bellies, but mine isn’t, it looks like a beanbag strapped to my abdomen and I even tried to get a consult on if I’d be a good candidate for a panniculectomy and nope, my BMI is too high and Medi-Cal no longer covers it. I’m hoping that at least working out and staying in a caloric deficit will help me shed some pounds and maybe tighten my belly up. I don’t mind HAVING a big belly, but I just hate that it hangs the way it does, I can’t wear sexy undies because it basically hangs over the whole thing, I have to buy Tall shirts because regular XXL shirts don’t cover up my belly, like, it’s just such a fucking hassle as well as being an eyesore. I could care less if the rest of my body stayed the same but I fucking hate my belly.

Still, I wanna go to a bath house and live out my fantasy of having a bunch of hot dudes rail me into oblivion, I just… gotta sort out all the above shit first, maybe.

[itgirlification]

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

[babyjamiebarnes]

Build-A-Bear

Part Four

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Peter Parker, Steve Rogers, various characters in other chapters

Warnings: language, making out

Chapter Summary: You go on a short trip to Massachusetts to see Peter, Bucky takes you on a second date, someone gets caught doing something they shouldn’t.

Author’s Note: This was going to be a filler but it has a decent amount of necessary plot and progression. The next part will have a time jump so I don’t have to include a bunch of filler chapters, blehk. Let me know if you see my Avatar: The Last Airbender reference in here! And as always, you’re welcome to send me a coffee!

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three)

Tags: @kennedywxlsh @ursmolbunny @devilswaldorf

By the time Monday rolled around, you were thankful Bucky had training in the morning or you would’ve never gone to sleep. Most of the deeper subjects had been touched on when you were together on Saturday, so Sunday was just texting more playful banter and fun facts you hadn’t learned during your lab hangouts, but you two still talked until your phone was propped up on your pillow waiting for another message while you drifted in and out of sleep.

Bucky had sent you a sweet “good morning, doll” text for you to wake up to, but you didn’t talk much before you had to head to work and he had to work out with Steve. That’s the downside to waking up with just enough time to get ready. Not much wiggle room for distractions, no matter how delicious.

You had barely settled in to your workspace, specs for Sam’s wings pulled up in front of you, when you had a request for a FaceTime call from Peter, of all people. You hadn’t seen him in a few weeks since he went back to campus, but he was set to come back soon for a weekend.

“Hey Peter, what’s up?” you answered.

“Hey [Y/N]! I, uh, I kind of have a big favor to ask,” he said with a forced chuckle.

“Oh… okay? What’s going on?”

“Well, you remember that project you wanted my help on?” You nodded. “Well I talked to my professor about it and he said I can use it as my final project for this semester as long as you come to the proposal and document what you did on it so I don’t take credit for any of your work. If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine! I can probably work on another project, I just don’t want to put your project off and make you wait for me to finish my part —“

“Peter!” you shouted, cutting off his rambling with a laugh. “I think that sounds great. It’ll be nice for you to kill two birds with one stone. When would I need to be there?”

“Uhh,” he started with another forced laugh. “My proposal is Wednesday.”

You stared at the screen, motionless at his response. “Wednesday. Like, two days from now, Wednesday?” Peter nodded. You could practically see him sweating through the phone, worrying about whether or not he should’ve asked his professor sooner or just completely avoided the subject entirely. But you knew he probably didn’t have much heads-up and considered using your project a little late in the game. “It’s a good thing I like you, kid. Let me double check with the boss but I’m sure that’ll be fine.”

“Yes! You’re the best!” Peter cheered.

“I’ll text you when my flight leaves because there’s no way I’m driving ten hours.”

You and Peter briefly went over how things would work, from what you should wear to whether you’d be getting a hotel room or bunking on his futon. While you were talking, you emailed your dad about the trip and got a quick approval. Tony liked Peter, and you understood why. He reminded you of your father if your dad had a stutter instead of an ego.

Mid-afternoon, when you took your second 20-minute break of the day just to let your brain relax, there was a soft tap on the door of your lab before Bucky poked his head in. He stepped in and looked around the whole room frantically before he noticed you curled up under a blanket on the giant bean bag chair you shoved into the corner once Peter left. You liked being able to take your breaks in the quiet of the lab so your brain could actually shut down for a few minutes.

“Oh, hey,” Bucky said with a smile.

“Hey Buck,” you replied, mirroring his smile. “How’s your day?”

“Pretty good,” he said with a sigh. “Just bored so I thought I’d see what you were up to.”

“Just taking a break,” you shrugged. “But you’re more than welcome to sit with me while I work. I won’t interact much because I lose focus easily but you can hang out.”

“As appealing as that is,” he started as he walked closer to you in your bean bag chair, “I know I’d start asking questions and I don’t want to distract you.”

You stood from your spot as he got closer and smirked up at him. “You are pretty distracting.” He stopped when he was toe-to-toe with you. “It’s a good thing my breaks are made for distraction.”

He smiled down at you as his warm hand curled around the back of your neck and pulled you into him for a kiss, your own hands looping through his belt and pulling his body closer to yours.

You practically melted into him, feeling as if you couldn’t get closer no matter how hard you tried. Even him slipping his thigh between your legs didn’t feel close enough. Then the weight of his metal hand fell to your waist as his tongue entered your mouth. It was all reminiscent of your first kiss just a couple days before.

Except outside your apartment, you didn’t have to worry about getting caught.

“Hey [Y/N], have you—“ You and Bucky quickly pulled apart at the sound of a new voice coming from the doorway and you immediately started to panic.

“—seen Bucky,” Steve ended with a sigh. The door quietly clicked shut behind him as he stepped in. “So you two…?”

“Have been on a date,” you said, walking toward Steve with your hands held out. “Steve, please don’t tell anyone, especially Tony.”

“You kind of owe me one, punk,” Bucky said as he walked closer, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I never ratted you out for lying on, what, five different enlistment papers?”

Steve huffed at this, clearly stuck between following the rules or letting others break rules that were much more harmless than his past rule breaking.

“You know this is gonna come out eventually, right? You won’t be able to hide this — and whatever this becomes — forever,” Steve warned.

“We know,” you said solemnly, “but it’s nice to just have this for now, you know?” You looked over at Bucky, who was leaning against the lab table looking back at you, his lips quirked in a small smile.

“Just… be careful,” Steve said as he started to leave. “If you don’t lock the door, at least ask Friday to alert you if someone is coming this way.”

“You know, I don’t care what people say about you, Steve. You’re pretty smart.” Steve initially smiled but then let out a short ‘hey!’ as you pushed him the rest of the way out.

“That was close,” you said, turning back to Bucky.

“But at least we have a pretty influential Avenger on our side, if we ever get outed,” Bucky said. Too bad he didn’t know the approval of everyone on earth would mean nothing to your dad — and both of your boss.

“Well, that little debacle kind of wasted the rest of my break,” you pouted, stepping up to Bucky.

“Can I take you out again?”

“I’d like that a lot,” you smiled. “Oh! I’m leaving for Massachusetts tomorrow and coming back on Thursday and have my family thing on Friday so will Saturday work?”

“Massachusetts?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the rest of your statement.

“Yeah, I’m helping Peter with a project so his prof wants me to be there to answer questions while he proposes his project. It’ll just be Wednesday, but Tony let me have tomorrow and Thursday off for travel so I’m taking my time.”

“That sounds…” Bucky started. “Uhh… I gotta be honest, that sounds unbearably boring,” he laughed, making you giggle with him. “But good luck to you and Peter. I’ll see you Saturday?”

•

The trip to Massachusetts was short but boring, and you were relieved to see Peter’s car when you stepped outside. Your hotel was right down the road from his dorm, so you dropped your stuff off before heading to his room to go over the proposal.

Even though you had only spent a few weeks working with Peter, he had grown to be like a brother to you. Spending so much time every day with no one else to talk to can really help people bond. Your dad’s adoration for the kid definitely helped, too. You wouldn’t be surprised if your dad eventually brought Peter along to family dinner.

“So I have to do most of the work, but you’ll need to explain why we’re doing this and what you’ll be doing,” Peter said after reviewing his speech.

“Okay, I can manage that.”

Peter was quiet for a second before saying, “Do you… maybe wanna go over what you’ll say…?”

“Oh, sure! Sorry, public speaking is a big thing in my family so I just figured I’d wing it.”

“Please don’t,” Peter said quietly, his eyes going wide right as the words left his mouth. “I don’t mean that in a bad way! I just mean, this proposal is important to me so I want it to go as smoothly and well-planned as possible.”

“Okay, you be your professor.”

Peter cleared his throat and said, “Miss [Y/L/N], what prompted you to start this project with Mr. Parker? And what role will you play in its growth?”

“Well, Dr. Kramer, I recently received a promotion within Stark Industries to work with the Avengers on their weaponry. This work included the vibranium arm on the Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes. One thing I noticed early on was the lack of sensory receptors within the arm. That observation, along with a similar request from Mr, Barnes, prompted me to look into ways to change this. Mr. Parker has an internship with Mr. Stark so, considering our different areas of study, I sought out his help. With my knowledge and expertise on the mechanical side of things, Mr. Parker will primarily be working on the more biological side of things. Once he finds a way to connect new receptors to the spinal column through the current nerve channels, I’ll be able to create millions of micro-receptors that will need to essentially be surgically embedded in the vibranium. I already have the blueprints for this process; I’m more than willing to share those documents with you, though it is confidential and I would need you to sign an NDA for safety reasons.”

Peter stood in the middle of his room, speechless.

“I told you it runs in my family,” you laughed. “Now pick your jaw up off the floor. I’m hungry.”

The next day, Peter and you breezed through the proposal. Peter didn’t even stutter during his speech! But his classmates did bombard you with questions that the professor quickly shut down. You and Peter spent the rest of the day catching up. He introduced you to his girlfriend Michelle and his friends Ned and Flash. By the time you got back to your hotel that night, you were exhausted — and thankful for an afternoon flight.

The next morning, you got breakfast with Peter before his class and finished packing to fly back to New York. You were once again grateful for an afternoon flight because by the time you got back, you didn’t have time to get back to work. So you took the evening off and treated yourself to a bath, some wine, and your favorite Netflix series — and texting Bucky, of course.

Family dinner that week was much easier than the previous week. Your dad mainly asked about your project with Peter, only briefly touching on Bucky’s involvement. At least until your phone buzzed on the table. It was a rule that phones stay face-up on the table at dinner and any messages get read aloud. So when you saw “James 🐻” pop up, heat rushed to your face. You managed to snatch your phone before your dad could, but you still had to read it out loud to the table.

“Uh,” you nervously cleared your throat. “So, James said ‘I have an idea for our date tomorrow, but I would need full reign over your kitchen for a while.’” You sent the table a tight-lipped smile as you locked your phone and set it down again, waiting for someone to say something.

“You’re going out with this James again?” your dad asked.

“Yes,” you said plainly. “I like him, dad. A lot.”

“And you’re already inviting him over?”

“Dad, stop. I’m a grown woman; I can make my own decisions.”

“I’m not saying you can’t, I’m just saying… well, don’t you want to get to know him better first? Make sure he doesn’t want to wear your skin?”

“Ew, shut up,” you laughed. “I’ve done plenty of research into him; he’s a good guy.” Your dad still looked skeptical, so you pulled out your puppy dog eyes. “Please trust me on this.”

Tony huffed and shook his head. “Okay, fine. He’s a good guy. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. And don’t do anything I would do either.” You rolled your eyes at him but managed to divert the conversation by asking Happy and Pepper what Tony’s limit really meant.

•

The next day at 3:30 on the dot, you got a call to your house phone by the front door. It was unusual, especially since you hadn’t ordered any food. The doorman usually brought food up, but called if they were working alone. And you knew they weren’t working alone, considering how early it was. Still in your sweats and a t-shirt since Bucky wasn’t coming over until 4, you answered the phone with a simple “hey.”

“Hello Miss [Y/L/N],” you recognized the doorman Matt’s voice, “there’s a James at the front door for you?”

“Oh, okay, shit,” you said, whispering the last word to yourself. “Go ahead and send him up.”

“Would you like to grant him regular access to your residence?” Matt was always so formal, probably because you pushed for your dad to hire him and he knew he had to keep this gig. His background check showed he came from a low-income family and really wanted to turn that around. He knew he owed you and because of that, he was always grateful and sweet.

“Yes please. Thanks, Matt!”

With that, you hung up and sprinted to your room, knowing Bucky only had a 20 second elevator ride before he got to the sixth floor. Unfortunately for you, you didn’t have time to scramble for new clothes before there was a knock at your door. You grumbled as you ran back to the front door and greeted Bucky.

“Hi,” you said, half out of breath from your scurrying.

“Hey,” he smiled back. “I’m glad we chose the same style today.”

You gave him an admittedly generous once-over and realized his gray sweats and black tee matched yours, though your shirt did have an NYU logo on it.

“Oh thank god,” you nearly cackled. “I was panicking because I thought I should dress nice but you were early so I didn’t have time but I didn’t want to get ready too early so I wasn’t —“

“Hey [Y/N]?” Bucky interrupted. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, shit, yeah.” You stepped aside and let him kick his shoes off in the entryway. That’s when you noticed all the grocery bags in his hands. “Uhh, whatcha got there?”

“I said I’d need your kitchen, right?” he smiled, sending a wink your way as he started setting up. “I’m gonna cook you some authentic Romanian dishes ma used to make back in the ‘30s.”

“Ohh, sounds yummy. Can I help?”

“If you want to eat any of it, you better help,” Bucky joked.

“Let me grab a couple aprons so our fancy attire doesn’t get dirty.” In the hallway closet, you had about a dozen aprons Happy got for you. You said you needed some aprons once and suddenly you were getting new aprons for every gift-giving holiday. You appreciated it, though. Every time Happy saw an apron he thought you’d like, he bought it. And you, in return, bought him every oven mitt you thought he would like after he accidentally burned his hand making green bean casserole one year for Thanksgiving.

You grabbed the “Queen of the Cat-chen” apron covered in cats for yourself and for Bucky, the “I’ll feed all you fuckers” apron your dad thought was hilarious on your last birthday.

“Sorry I don’t have any matching chef hats,” you joked as you handed Bucky his apron.

For the next three hours, you followed all Bucky’s instructions and watched as he did his part of the work, chatting while things cooked and finally relaxing once everything was plated. You each had a decent amount of food debris on your aprons, making you thankful you both wore them. You led Bucky into the living room where you sat on the floor between your couch and the coffee table.

“You know the couch is made for sitting, right?” Bucky asked as he slowly sat behind you, one leg on either side of your body.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun to sit on the floor, especially when I’m eating.” You turned your head to face him as you continued, “I get too sleepy if I’m on the couch too long.”

He chuckled at your confession but didn’t argue. You both ate in comfortable silence, the only sound coming from the hum of traffic six floors down and the TV quietly playing a crackling fire YouTube video.

“Can you finish this for me?” you asked as Bucky set his empty plate on the coffee table.

“I’m full, doll.”

“Bucky, please? I can’t finish it,” you whines, pouting up at him.

“Then just put it away with the leftovers and eat it later,” he shrugged.

“But I’m so bad at eating leftovers,” you groaned.

“Then I’ll put it away and eat the leftovers,” he conceded. He snatched the plate from you and headed to your kitchen to pack it all away.

By the time he made it back, you were snuggled under a blanket on the couch with “What’s Your Number?” pulled up on the TV.

“I hope you’re okay with watching my favorite movie,” you smiled, making sure to flutter your eyelashes extra hard so he couldn’t say no.

“I haven’t seen this one yet so sure,” he said with a shrug.

He yanked the blanket off your body and unfolded it so he could bring you under his right arm and cover both of you with the thick fabric. Ever since Monday in the lab, he’s been more affectionate. He stopped by on Friday and kissed you at least half a dozen times before he left, then earlier while you were cooking, it was like he had to hold your hips every time he watched over your shoulder, and he chose to end the night holding you into his side and… oh, you were a goner once his fingers started lightly tracing shapes on your bare arm.

And he had to have known you were weak, if the way he angled his body toward you was any indication. You loved the movie you had picked out and really did want to watch it… but when you looked up at Bucky and saw his gaze meet yours, you knew the movie was going to be long forgotten.

His lips pressed to yours firmly, like he wanted to make sure you remembered what he felt like. You quickly let things escalate by gripping his hair and pulling him with you and you laid back on the couch. Your legs fell open as he slid right between them, his left arm propped on the cushion to keep himself from crushing you and his right slipping under your shirt to hold your waist. When his tongue passed your lips, you couldn’t help but whimper at the feeling of him taking control. His hand never moved past your waist, just occasionally squeezing as he pressed his body against yours.

The rest of the night was spent alternating between making out, talking while you were chest to chest on the couch, and making out some more until you fell asleep against his chest.

•

The next morning, you woke up to the blaring sound of a ringtone... that wasn’t your ringtone. And you were on your couch? The sleepy haze quickly wore off when you felt Bucky’s body shift behind you to reach over and grab his phone.

“What?” he answered grumpily, though your body’s initial reaction was to how deep and gravelly his voice was in the morning. Fuck.

With how close you two were and how quiet it was with the TV off, you managed to barely make out what was being said on the other end of the line.

“Where are you?” It was Steve. “You were supposed to be at the group breakfast this morning but you weren’t in your room so I told Tony you weren’t feeling well.”

“Oh, fuck,” Bucky groaned. Now that sound sent all your senses into overdrive. “I fell asleep at [Y/N]’s last night.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured,” Steve replied, clearly exasperated. “Look, just stop by a convenience store and grab some medicine so when you get back, no one questions it. You snuck out when no one saw, that’s the story.”

“Thanks, man. I’ll head out soon.” Once they hung up, you rolled over on the couch to face Bucky.

“Good morning,” you said with a sleepy grin.

“Good morning,” he replied, pressing a slow, gentle kiss to your lips. “I’m sure you heard but I’ve gotta head out before Tony gets suspicious.”

“Okay. Text me when you get back?”

Bucky stood from the couch, and you followed suit behind him as he put his sneakers and jacket on.

“I’ll text you on my whole trip back,” he smiled. “Looks like you might have to bring those leftovers with you tomorrow. I don’t know that I can sneak them back today.”

You practically skipped to join him at the door, your hands going to rest on his chest before he could leave.

“Should we just designate Saturdays as our date nights?” you asked.

“Who said you get another date?” Bucky joked back.

“Excuse me?” you gasped in mock offense. “Next time I get to choose what we do and I’m not letting you take that away from me.”

Bucky chuckled at your little outburst but pressed another kiss to your lips as a peace offering.

“Next Saturday, your pick,” he smirked.

“It’s a date.”

[chyrstis]

WIP Tuesday!

Over the last few days if not the past week, @blissfulalchemist @ma-sulevin @pheedraws @nightwingshero @amistrio @adelaidedrubman @shellibisshe @redroci @faithchel @jamesbvchanans @honeysides @vasiktomis and @jackiesarch were all kind enough to give me a tag, and I’m here actually on the cusp of a Wednesday ready to cash that in, darn it. Thank you all a bunch, by the way!

Tagging: @writerofblocks @painterofhorizons @hunnybadgerv @cobb-vanthss  @shallow-gravy @geronimo-11 @chazz-anova @unlikelynick @fadedjacket @aceghosts @starsandskies @gamerpurgatory @its-jeph @lilwritingraven @johnnycranes and @prometheas but this is totally a free tag for anyone wanting to share any WIPs they’re currently working on too! But no pressure ever intended at all. <3

The next chapter of the Trap fic’s coming together, just a bit slower than anticipated due to work both winding down and winding back up again, but either way Hana’s definitely in a tenser situation here than she’d prefer by far. 

---

The cramped building didn’t give them a lot of options, but she watched him tuck himself just behind the counter in the kitchen, and ran into the bathroom.

It wasn’t much of a hiding place, and Hana poked her head out to tell him that when the door on the other end of the trailer creaked open. Her heart beat double-time as she curled back against the wall, and bit down hard on her lip as she fought to stay quiet.

Whistling filled the room. The kind meant to get the attention of something, or someone.

“You sure you saw something over here?”

“Yeah, something’s throwing shit around. If it were a fucking cougar like that one over at Mabel’s we’d already know it, though. Think it’s that stray we’ve been seeing the past few nights.”

The Peggie let out a series of whistles, the kind that would’ve had any loyal dog up and bounding to him in an instant, and Hana heard him sigh in disappointment after.

“It’s not that damn dog,” the other replied. “Besides, it tried to bite you last time, remember?”

Something scraped against the floor. It was either pushed or kicked to the side as a loud sound rang out in the room soon after, and Hana couldn’t help it. She leaned forward just enough to peek past the doorframe as the two men’s steps grew closer, and caught the overturned chair.

“Cut that shit out!” The long-haired man on the left shoved the equally long-haired man on the right. “You know you’re just jealous that it loves me more than you.“

Their backs were to her, however. And that was more than enough of an opening to take advantage of.

---

And here’s a bit more for the No Cult AU! Finishing this up’s still my immediate goal, and with this now two parts instead of one, I’m trying to see if I can at least get the first part up before the week’s out. 

...I say, all while posting a part from what’ll be the second. Whoops

---

Sharky tapped him on the arm as they came to a stop. “Wait, I thought you’d moved here with him? Like, I remember seeing you round here just as much as Joe at first. Like wandering around, seeing what was open and even buying up some shit that was borderline.”

“Borderline?“ John scoffed. “Some of it had been actively disputed off and on for decades, but the rights to the land here had lapsed without a renewal.” He folded his arms, but still gestured freely with the hand crossed on top. “They were approached, the topic discussed in full, and an offer made. One that was more than reasonable given the circumstances, and one that I made sure was clear and well-defined to the very last letter.”

“Yeah, man. You say that, but sometimes you’re hurting hard enough in the moment to wanna do anything to get out of it, and other times you don’t even get a say. Some asshole comes in flashing a pink slip you don’t remember losing, except instead of one person dealing with that, it’s more like five or ten, and well, a whole lotta people start getting their panties in a twist after that.” Sharky’s mouth twisted. “Er, uh-underwear. Boxers, shit, just-you know someone was gonna get pissy either way, right?”

“…Perhaps.” John rubbed his fingers together as he mulled it over, and eventually sighed. “And maybe some of the terms could have been left open to some further form of negotiation, but Joseph was certain this was the place, and if there was one thing I could do for him, I wanted it to be that. To give him this at least, and a chance to build a better home than the one he’d tried renting. That could hardly fit one person, let alone two or three at a time, and how he expected to live there comfortably with either Jacob or I’s beyond me.”

“I hear you. I had to room with Hurky once a while back, and let me tell you, there’s not a lot you can do if someone’s not even two feet away from you. You gotta keep the entertaining semi-private, gotta keep your junk covered, can’t catch up on any reading on the can with door open-”

John wrinkled his nose at him. “Truly unfortunate.”

“But that was only a couple of weeks. Just to get the last of the wasps out, ‘cause I still don’t know how they built that huge-ass nest where they did, with all of the buzzing coming straight up through the floorboards whenever I’d settle down for the night. Anyway, you were headed back and forth from here to wherever there was for how long? Weeks? Months?”

He didn’t get a response to that. Only caught the start of a frown as John turned away.

“And where’re you all from? I know you’ve been out and overseas, and all over the damn place, but don’t think I remember anyone mentioning it, short of uh, somewhere south?”

“Really?” John raised an eyebrow. “South?”

Sharky wracked his brain trying to remember who’d first brought it up, and Adelaide’s voice entered his mind. Something she’d said way back at Nick and Kim’s barbeque bash, sighing dreamily about southern boys as she’d looked over at them, eyes focusing right in on John as he bent over to reach into a nearby cooler, and Sharky tried to shake that shit out of his head fast. At least before John found a way to read it on him somehow and ask.

“Uh, yeah! South. Somewhere south of here if I’ve gotta guess,”  he managed, mid-grimace. “So, that’ll leave what, at least one of the Dakotas, or South Carolina? Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, and Alabama?”

He started ticking off more as he went, making his way down the map until a thought hit like a truck.

“Oh shit, don’t tell me you’re from-”

“Georgia.” Sharky watched John tuck both hands into his arms, crossing them around him tighter. “Is that southern enough for you?”

---

...And because I can’t resist, maybe one more WIP that’s been gradually coming together too. ;)

---

She pulled the blanket closer around him, making sure to cover him completely as she leaned forward, and felt him shift. Wondered if she’d somehow managed to wake him up only to watch his nose twitch in sleep as he continued to breathe softly, no snoring coming from him yet.

Sharky seemed to be dreaming of something, though. Mumbled under his breath a few words she couldn’t make out as she stood there with one hand on the blankets and another on the couch.

So she stayed. Watched him continue to sleep undisturbed for just a little longer, a smile almost playing at his lips and leaned forward. Let her lips touch his, pressing just enough against them to savor it as she squeezed her eyes shut.

The corner of his mouth twitched, moving as she drew back and he adjusted himself, but he didn’t wake up. Just let a smile drift into place as Hana hovered close enough to touch him again if she wanted to.

[glitxhwayventeen]

Ghostin

Seungkwan: Chapter 3 (Never Enough)

Characters: Seungkwan x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst (a shit ton of sadness honestly), semi-unrequited love, death mentions, mental illness (depression), runaway mates, family fighting, implied violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: Okay so this chapter is a bit shorter than I had anticipated, but please bare with me. The next one for him should get pretty intense and I think it’ll be worth it. But this chapter had to slow it down a bit for explanation purposes. And I’m sorry for all the Angst recently, I’m better at writing that than I am fluff or smut. But I swear, Hansol and Chan’s chapters won’t be as edgy.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀

Ghostin Master List

Chapter 3: Never Enough

It had been almost a week since you left. Seungkwan barely left his room. He hardly ate. He hardly slept. Hell, he hardly even cried anymore. He just stared up blankly at his ceiling. He was just doing the absolute bare minimum to stay alive for his pack, and that’s mostly because you asked him to. But he didn’t want to continue his life without you, even if you didn’t love him, he still loved you. You were everything to him. Living a life without you wasn’t a life Seungkwan thought was worth living.

At this point, anytime he slept and dreamed, it was of you. Whether it be some small memory he had with you, or just a random nightmare that terrified him to his core, it was always you. It killed him to see you without ACTUALLY seeing you, so he tried not to sleep much. Of course, he still did. He had to, and when he did, he always dreamt of you. And it seemed he wasn’t the only one who had that problem now…

Flashback

“How could you?!? How could you make her leave?!?” Seungkwan screamed at the top of his lungs at the older wolf, having to be held back by his other brothers so he wouldn’t lunge at him after he had spent hours outside looking for you.

He came home dirty, covered from head to toe in twigs, leaves, mud, and dirty. He tried to track you, he really did. But you were just… gone. He tried to follow the pull, but it always lead him back home, the last place he had seen you. He knew you must’ve used your powers or some sort of spell to mislead his instincts. You didn’t want him to find you, you left for his own good, and it broke him fragile little heart.

“Seungkwan… I’m sorry. I didn’t think- I didn’t think she’d actually leave you I-” Jihoon tried, still at a loss for words from the events that happened only hours ago.

“You fucking asshole!! I hate you! I HATE YOU!” Seungkwan cried out with mud streaking his face, trying to tear himself out of the other pack members grips to get to him, failing miserably due to his lack of strength.

“I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!” He sobbed into the closest members shoulder, finally letting himself fall to the floor in agony.

“I hate you… I hate you… How could you… I hate you…” he continued to mumble as Soonyoung started to comfort the younger wolf, rubbing his back softly while whispering words of encouragement to him.

Jihoon couldn’t believe what had happened. You actually left his brother to fend for himself. Seungkwan was too devastated to even speak coherently. You hadn’t actually denied him, you wanted to be sure he still had a chance at living and denying him would’ve killed him, but you could make sure he didn’t find you. And that’s apparently what you had done. You made true to your promise of leaving Seungkwan so that he could be happy. He could never blame you for it, he loved you, you were his mate after all. So that only left one other person he could blame it on…

“Jihoon… you fucking prick… I fucking hate you… I fucking HATE you…” Seungkwan whimpered out in the direction of the older wolf, still laying on the floor with his brothers surrounding him to be sure he didn’t hurt himself.

“Okay that’s enough. I think Seungkwan needs to go and rest. Hansol, you and Seokmin will be in charge of him. Take him up to his room and stay with him. He’s had a long day and- and he just really looks like he needs to sleep.” Jeonghan decided as the one currently in charge.

As one of the Alphas, it was his job to remain impartial and make sure everything was running smoothly. Usually, it was Seungcheol’s job as he was physically the oldest, but he went out with a few of the others to try and find you. So it was left to Jeonghan to take care of the remaining pack. But seeing his brother so broken and hurt from losing his mate tore at his own heartstrings. He decided it was best he be kept in his room under supervision to be sure he didn’t hurt himself.

“And YOU!” Jeonghan quickly turned and pointed to Jihoon, who was standing with wide eyes, clearly caught off guard by the sudden demeanor change in the older wolf.

“You come with me NOW!” He barked, walking to the back patio with the smaller boy following his exit.

“What the actual HELL were you thinking?!?” Jeonghan demanded, his eyes already starting to shift to red as he angrily stared his baby brother down.

“I- I don’t know. I just wanted her to treat him better. We all did. But she just- she just left…” Jihoon stuttered, not quite used to being yelled at by anyone.

He generally kept to himself and out of trouble. But this time, he was the direct cause of it. There was no denying it. And he had no fucking way to fix it. His brother was gonna hate him forever and NEVER forgive him. Even if he managed to find a way to get you back to him, he fucked up too badly.

“You damn well KNOW it wasn’t your place to say anything. It wasn’t YOUR mate with the problem so you shouldn’t have had a fucking say. And now look what you’ve done! You’ve made Seungkwan’s mate run for the hills and now he could DIE! Do you even realize the severity of the situation you’ve just made Jihoon?!?” Jeonghan screamed while throwing his hands in the air, really wanting to punch him in the face but knowing that that would solve none of the problems he was listing off in his head.

Jeonghan was the silly alpha who liked to have fun and pull pranks. He was NEVER the one to handle the serious situations. And generally speaking, when he did, he always found it easier to sit down and talk to the others on a peer level. But he was BEYOND pissed. And Jihoon knew why. Seungkwan was one of the kindest most innocent people he’d ever met. And he had just scared off his mate by running his big fat mouth off. He deserved the harsh treatment his brother was giving him and much more.

“I… I know.” Jihoon responded, looking down at his hands that were now connected over his torso in shame.

“I REALLY don’t think you do know Jihoon. Seungkwan’s one of the few pack members who can keep us all together. Even if she hasn’t TRULY denied him, we both know someone like him could never go more than a few days without seeing his mate before getting sick and DYING! What do you thinks gonna happen to not just him, but the whole pack when he decides to give up?” Jeonghan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, attempting to keep himself calm.

“I- I don’t know.” Jihoon whimpered out, even though he knew just how bad shit was gonna get.

“Well know THIS.” Jeonghan started with his index finger pushing into Jihoon’s chest.

“If ANYTHING happens to Seungkwan OR (Y/N), YOURE the one that’ll be responsible. And YOULL be the one to dig the graves before we kick your ass out of the house FOR GOOD. Am I making myself clear to you?” Jeonghan questioned through gritted teeth, getting more upset at him by the second.

“Yes Jeonghan Hyung.” Jihoon whined out with watery eyes.

“Good. Now you BETTER find SOMEWAY to fix the damage you caused, otherwise you better start looking for a new place to live!” Jeonghan spoke as he gripped onto Jihoon’s collar, lifting him up slightly during the conversation to show dominance.

Jihoon was terrified. He didn’t want his brother to die. He didn’t want to get dropped from the pack. He didn’t want you to die, even if he made it seem that way. He didn’t want a bunch of shit to set into motion because of his stupid actions. He felt like he was spiraling into a pit of despair. What was he going to do? His brother was gonna die and it was all his fault. You were going to die and it was all on him. He wouldn’t have a pack anymore and it was all because of himself. It felt like the whole world was closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly, flashes of your and Seungkwan’s corpses flashed through his mind. You guys’s eyes were white and hallow and your skin was cold and blue. Your mouths were stuck open in horror and all the life had been sucked out of the both of you. He killed you both. He killed you both. HE killed you BOTH. WHAT DID HE DO?!?!

-

Jihoon sat up gasping for air. He started patting his head and body, making sure they wouldn’t pass through him to prove he was awake. It was a dream. It was a dream. He was still alive. Seungkwan was still alive. You were still alive, at least he hoped. That thought frightened him more than anything, but he tried not to give into that fear.

He slowly laid back down to slow his rapidly beating heart and began breathing in and out at a deep pace. From through the walls, he could hear Seungkwan whimper in his sleep, his pulse beating as fast as a jackhammer. He must’ve been having another nightmare about you. Jihoon closed his eyes tightly.

He had to fix this. He had to help his brother. He caused all his pain. He was the reason he was alone in his room crying in his sleep right now. Seungkwan didn’t deserve what had happened to him. He was such a loving, sweet brother and mate. He had to get you back to him. But how could he possible do that? Your strange background meant you could do things they couldn’t even comprehend. You made it to where Seungkwan couldn’t even follow the pull. It was like you had vanished off the face of the Earth. So how the actual fuck could he manage to find you when even your own mate couldn’t?

Jihoon didn’t get anymore sleep that night, he staying up racking his brain on how he could get you to come home. And, by sunrise, he thought he had figured out a half decent plan. It was risky sure, but Jihoon would walk through hell if it meant getting you back to his brother now. He’d grovel on his hands and knees and beg you to come back with him if he had to. He had to rectify his mistakes.

He didn’t even care if he got kicked out of the pack at this point. He didn’t care if he lost his other brothers love anymore. All he cared about was Seungkwan and his sadness. The sadness he could hear every night. He had to bring you back, for Seungkwan’s sake.

And he was gonna do whatever he could to make that happen. Even if it meant getting himself killed in the process, he had to. Because even if he managed to lead you back home, no amount of sorrys or forgive mes we’re gonna bring his brother’s mind back from the abyss he had put him through. No amount of kisses or hugs from you were gonna have his brother’s smile shine as bright as it once had. Seungkwan was always gonna remember the pain of you leaving due to Jihoon’s hard words and actions. No matter what Jihoon did to try and make it all up to Seungkwan, it would Never be Enough in his eyes.

(Updated 8/23)

[nerdesilindoestuff]

worth the risk (All Might x Reader)

So, I’ve started watching MHA last week and here we are. I wrote this ficlet to procrastinate while studying for my term finals because my man Toshinori deserves some more love. I had originally thought of a whole fic about him, however, given the load of work I have to do, I don’t think I’ll have the time to write that much (at the exception of some scenes). 

Here is some context: You are a 30-ish-year-old doctor, you started working at UA as a part time school doctor to continue your research about quirks. Your alter is creating force-field projections (kind of like Violet from the Incredibles). Toshinori and you got close and have kissed once but you don’t know about his weak form.

word count: +2,5k

The evening had been pretty ordinary. You had had your dinner and was now laying on your couch, reading the latest article about gene therapy while lazily taking notes. Your hair was up in a messy bun and had opted for some comfy clothing, wearing a way too large t-shirt that went down to your thighs and some worn-out shorts. You had your TV on with minimal sound as background noise to your night-time study.

However, your peaceful night was cut short when someone pounded forcefully on your door.

You frowned; you weren’t excepting anyone. You went to look through the peephole and was dismayed to see All Might, in his civilian clothes, his right hand clenched on his left side in visible pain, while his left hand was planted next to the door in support. You quickly undid the locks on the door to let the hero come in, but as soon as you opened the door, Toshinori start falling clearly losing consciousness. Instinctively, you created a force fielding around him, avoiding him crashing on the floor. You felt a sharp pain in your wrists as you struggled to keep him in levitation. It had been some time since you’d used your quirk at full force like this and the weight of the man didn’t help. You somehow managed to float his body to your couch and fell to your knees next to him.

“All Might? Can you hear me?” you asked breathlessly, trying to think rationally and not give in the panic that was slowly creeping in your chest.

Suddenly, he coughed, spitting blood on himself and your furnishers. It was the first time you saw the hero in such a state. His eyes were closed but you could sense him fighting to stay awake. His face was covered in sweat, which was never a good sign, but what preoccupied you was the smoke that was coming off him. Your eyes widened as his body morphed.

What’s going on? You thought, panic clawing more and more in your chest.  

Once the smoke dissipated, the frail stature of his true self replaced the muscular figure of All Might.  

“T-this wasn’t how I wanted you to find out,” he breathed out raggedly, “I’ll explain everything, but I need you to…”

The end of it was lost in a violent coughing fit, resulting in more blood on his clothes and probably on yours too. However, he managed to lift his shirt to reveal a scar that stretched on most of his abdomen. Your breathing hitched as you saw the central scar tissue, red, hot, and throbbing. Pushing aside your shock of his startling transformation, you started inspecting his body; it seemed that it had been infected somehow, even though the outer parts of the scar hinted that the wound was probably years old. After thinking about it for a moment, a cocktail of antibiotics with some painkillers seemed to be the best way out.

“I’ll be back in a second,” you said as you rushed to your bathroom cabinet.

You always had some extra medication at home, as well as some medical supplies, just in case. You grabbed a bunch of pills and an IV kit before almost running at your couch, where you hoped Toshinori was still conscious.

“Hey, you there?” you asked kneeling next to him.

He jerked his head in a stiff nod, his face contorted in pain. You prepared the IV solution, as you continued talking to him:

“Ok, I need you to stay awake for a moment, alright?”

Another nod. You felt his fingers curl around the crook of your elbow; he looked focused on calming his erratic breathing. You felt a pang of sadness at the sight of his struggle, wanting to comfort him and run your hand through his hair. But you had to finish this.  

“This should work, so hang in there. I don’t really know what’s going on, but we will talk about it later. Don’t worry about it,” you said, unsure if you were trying to reassure him or yourself.

You put the prepared IV bag on the side and quickly started assembling the line. When all was set, you looked towards the hero.

“Ok, here we go.”

You punctured a vein that wasn’t too superficial and successfully placed the catheter before opening the IV line. It took few minutes before the tension started slowly lifting off Toshinori’s face. You let out a sigh in relief. However, you were far from done yet. Going back to your bathroom, you grabbed your first aid kit. You still had to disinfect the wound. You went back to your living room where the laying man had seemed to calm down, his breathing now even and steady. He looked exhausted and was probably going to fall asleep at any second now. You sat on the floor next to him, intertwining your fingers with his and cupping half of his face with your other hand, running your thumb across his cheek.

“Hey, I’ve got you. You can rest, now,” You whispered.

As he drifted off to sleep, you sterilized your material and got to work. After minutes of meticulous disinfection, you closed the wound with a clean bandage. Letting out a sigh, you leaned back against your coffee table, feeling a wave of exhaustion take over your body. Even though, you had tried to avoid thinking about it while taking care of him, you had to face the reality of All Might’s frail and weakened form. Was it a result of an attack of a villain? A poison maybe? He said that he didn’t want to you to find it out like this. What did he mean by that? How long had he been in this condition? Was this why he was avoiding your so much these last few days? The more questions popped in your mind, the more this whole situation seemed incomprehensible.

You decided to drop it for tonight; you wouldn’t get any answers while Toshinori was asleep. Plus, your own fatigue was quickly catching up on your, as your eyelids got heavier by the second. In a last effort, you went to your bathroom to sloppily wrap some bandages on the own wrists which started bruising because of the previous strain. Then, you gathered some pillows and blankets from bedroom and brought them to your living room. You covered the sleeping hero with a light blanket and settle on the floor next to him. You checked one last time on the IV drip that you had awkwardly balanced on your floor lamp, before finally giving into your exhaustion.

___

The first thing Toshinori felt as he woke up was the uncomfortable tinge on his right arm. He opened his eyes and was met with an unfamiliar ceiling. Slowly, the memories of last night came crashing in: he was sleeping in your couch, the uncomfortable tinge was the IV you had scrambled to put together to save him. As on cue, he noticed the stable breathing of someone sleeping nearby. He turned his head to locate where the breathing was coming from and was surprised to see you curled up between the couch and a coffee table on the floor, with only a pillow and a blanket. Your bandaged hands made him suspect that you probably hurt yourself while trying to get him to lay down. The hero swore softly as he passed a hand on his face guiltily. He didn’t want to put this burden on you.

It came to him that you hadn’t really reacted to his true form yesterday. Well, mostly because you had other pressing issues at hand. He was tempted to leave now and not deal with the repercussions. But that’ll just exacerbate everything and if you didn’t already hate him by now, you with no doubt would then. So, he stayed still, his eyes closed, feeling the anxiety weighing on this chest.

At some point, he heard you stirring awake. You let out an unhappy groan as got up to your feet.

“Hey,” Toshinori said tentatively in a hoarse voice.

Your head turned sharply at the hero, still laying on your couch.

“Oh, I didn’t think you’d be awake already,” you stammered surprised, “how are you feeling?”  

“Better,” he began as he dragged himself to sit up, his legs still stretched across your couch, “all thanks to you. I owe you one.”

“Right.”

An awkward silence settled in. Hesitation flickered across your face; you looked like you were about to say something but ended up advising against it. Toshinori figured you’d probably bring the subject of his weakened form at your own pace. You pressed your lips into a thin line and drew near to sit next to him. Toshinori froze at the sudden proximity, as you began checking on the drip. When you were satisfied with everything, you got up.

“Are you hungry?” You inquired as you headed toward your kitchen which was opened to your living room.

The hero was about to say no but his stomach – what’s left of it anyway – growled loudly.

“Well yes, actually” he responded, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

Your lips quirked up in a faint smile. Toshinori observed as you were messing around your kitchen, almost mechanically turning on your coffee machine and gathering some ingredients from your fridge to cook what seemed to be an omelette. At some point, you brought him a glass of water and a filled plate, before sitting in front of him on the coffee table with your own food and coffee.

“Thanks,” he whispered, moving his legs off the couch to face you.

They started eating in silence for a moment, before you spoke up:

“So, are we going to keep ignoring the elephant in the room?”

Toshinori sighed as he put his barely touched plate on the table. He couldn’t eat more than a few bites anyway. He examined the woman for a second before answering; your tone was controlled, not letting through any accusation but still firm enough to let him know that you were probably pissed.

“Yeah, I figured you might want some answers.”

You let out a dry laugh. Yeah, you were definitely pissed. You didn’t say anything for a moment, most likely unsure of what to ask first.

“How did it happen?”

It made sense that that would be what you’d wanted to know.

“A fight against a villain. It happened years ago, and I had barely made it. They had to remove a part of my respiratory and digestive systems, which is why I look like this now,” he said bitterly pointing at himself before continuing, “I have to stick to a ton of medication, including recently to some immunosuppressants which was probably what kicked started this whole thing.”

You listened carefully; your face was awfully difficult to read.

“Were you going to tell me at some point?” You asked.

Toshinori felt a sharp pang of guilt at your betrayed tone.

“I-I don’t know,” he answered honestly, “I didn’t expect whatever we had to get to this point–”

“–I thought you trusted me.”

“I did and I-I do, I swear–”

“–is this why you have been ignoring me for days?” You interrupted again.

“I-I… It’s complicated. I didn’t think you’d feel the same way about me. And when you kissed me, I panicked. I just felt like I was catfishing you.”

“Catfishing?” You repeated incredulously rolling your eyes.

 “You know what I mean. That night you were with All Might. The hero, not… me.”

“That’s bullshit,” you said adamantly.

“It’s true, I’m not…,” he paused taking a long breath, “I’m not him anymore.”

“I can’t believe after all that talk about Midoriya, you would still say that.”

“What?” He asked confused.

“Your quirk doesn’t define you. That’s not what makes you a hero. Isn’t that what you said to me that night you walked me home?”

When he didn’t answer, you continued frustrated:

“I kissed you because… I don’t know. I like you, I guess… As a person.” You felt your cheeks burn but reminded yourself to stay composed; you were still mad after all. “I’d hope you didn’t have as low esteem of me that you would think I’d feel any different of you because of your quirk or your looks. At your core, you’re still All Might.”

Toshinori wanted to say something, anything. That he had feelings for your too, for once. That he was sorry for not telling you the truth sooner. That he trusted your and the only reason he hadn’t say anything was because he believed you deserved better. But he stayed silent, causing you to throw your hands up in a huff.

“Never mind,” you mumbled, standing up and bringing your plate to your sink. “I’m going to take a shower, I’ll come back to remove the IV line, then…,” you sighed before turning back, “you can do whatever you want.”

Then, you went into your bathroom, closing the door with a little more force than needed. Toshinori laid back into the couch and let out a hopeless sigh, pulling his hair back. This wasn’t the direction he thought this was going to take. Well, he hadn’t expected any of this actually. Those damned immunosuppressants.

The hero waited patiently for you to return, trying to figure out how he could turn this situation around. He hated seeing you upset because of him.

Finally, you came back, in fresh clothes and with some first aid materials. The anger and frustration from earlier seemed to have faded a bit, leaving a more tired and saddened version of you. Toshinori didn’t fail to notice that your eyes were red, probably from crying in the shower. He felt another pang of guilty striking yet again. He watched your work around his arm in silence and he rehearsed his apology.

When you had applied a last piece of tape on his bandage, you let go of his arm. They were close enough their legs were touching. You were about to stand up when his hands held you still. Your eyes went from his hands on your wrists to his face.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out, keeping his head low. “I don’t want to hurt you, Y/N. I just… I don’t want to be a burden to you.”  

“Toshi…” You said as you shifted slightly to better face him.

He didn’t let your protest and continued, knowing he had to get it out:

“I should’ve been more honest with you. And the truth is that when you’re with me, you bring me a peace that I haven’t felt in years. Which is kind of ironic if you ask me,” he said with a short rueful laugh, “I’ve dedicated most of life trying to be the symbol of peace. But now that I can’t no longer be that person, you came in, telling me all the things I wanted to hear, showering me with care and gentleness. And the last thing I want is for you to feel rejected…”

A moment passed before he lifted his hand and gently brushed his fingers against your cheekbone. He caught between his fingers a lock of hair, placing it behind your ear in a swift movement cupping the left side of your face.

“…when in reality all I want is you.”

You breathed out shakily as you leaned into his touch, your eyes fluttering close. Your heart was beating so loud in your ears that you almost missed him whispering your name. After a second, he closed the few inches between them as you felt his lips pressing against yours. It only took a second before you kissed back, as he brought his hand up to the nape of your neck and weaving his fingers into your hair. They parted for an instant as they looked into each other’s eyes. Toshinori brought his hand down and spread it in the small of your back, bringing your closer as he kissed your again deeply. You wanted to close any distance between them; but he was still recovering you reminded yourself. That didn’t stop you from responding with the same intensity to his kiss, as you gripped his t-shirt front, kissing him slowly, taking the time to breathe him in.

Toshinori wasn’t sure where this was going to go but as he was holding your warm and soft body against him, he decided it was worth any risk.

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 73 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch and co. are still stuck in China and Xingke’s flipping out because the Chinese assholes are gonna kill the Empress and go with someone less problematic for their political marriage to Britannia’s creepily overaged prince. However Lelouch pulls out a Knightmare that’s basically the Twink version of the Gawain and busts everyone up as well as pulling a Father Cornello on them and letting the people know they’re all elitst 1% assholes that don’t care about them, which I suspect all countries probably know about their leaders but it sucks to hear it in a recording so riots show up all over China and CC Geass Flashes Anya to take her out so Britannia has to back out because the Chinese Hierarchy are now the least popular people in the world. So Xingke gets to be with his Empress and joins the Black Knights but Dietard wants the Empress to marry someone on their side so they can basically do the asshole move Britannia just tried to do but for them. All the girls are like ‘hey no’ and Lelouch is like “Oh hey Tamaki buddy, let’s go talk and get me the fuck out of here” so before Lelouch actually has to give Tamaki more lines and elevate him beyond the Black Knight’s Yamacha Shirley calls and Lelouch just straight up asks Shirley about love in a weirdly forced series of circumstance. But Shirley’s like “Yeah don’t fuck with love, don’t you love anyone?” and Lelouch is like “Yeah I do, Nunally!” and I don’t think that’s at all what Shirley meant but it does mean Lelouch sees that fighting for something beyond politics is powerful and agrees to not marry off the twelve year old girl, so that’s good. Lelouch decides to return home while they hunt down the Geass cult which is in China for some reason despite that being one of the like two places on earth Britannia doesn’t control and the Geass Cult largely being a Britannian affair. Meanwhile Sayoko is basically a Lelouch Vtuber at this point with her insanely accurate Lupin III mask of Lelouch and kisses Shirley so Shirley’s a little bit more gay than she was before and is not sure how to feel about that. When she’s about to tell the real Lelouch he kisses like a girl, Anya and Gino show up because we’re retreading the whole ‘sleeping with the enemy at school’ thing from the first season except with way less interesting enemies. Also the preview for the next episode is Lelouch dramatically talking about enemies finding out he’s Zero overtop footage of Shirley and Milly absolutely naked in a batthouse scene so I think we know what kind of episode that’ll be.

Inuyasha: The Panther Demon filler concludes with everyone meeting at the site where the Panther Master is being revived behind a strong barrier, if only someone just got a barrier upgrade to their sword, oh wait. But yeah everyone manages to free the hostages so even though Kagome’s jewel shards revives the Panther Master he’s still a zombie without a sacrifice which is weird since Naraku managed to completely revive the Band of Seven with one jewel shard each from skeletons and the Panther Lord has three shards so idk the rules here but yeah he steals the souls of his own men to revive and is Wind Scar Proof because he just is. It’s pretty cool to see him shooting his claws and lightning and shit but he’s too big and slow for it to be much of an interesting fight. Sesshomaru’s about to go full demon which would be interesting since we haven’t seen his full demon form since he lost his arm but in a neat bit of character development, Tenseiga calms his rage and tells him to use it instead. You get the feeling Sesshomaru only goes full demon when he flies off the handle and forgets about speed and strategy so him opting to not repeat the mistake he made against Inuyasha is pretty cool. Anyway Tenseiga heals the souls of the Panther Demons and drains their energy from the lord so he’s back to Zombie Cat Man which Inuyasha can Wind Scar because that’s what happens to villains on this show, all Wind Scars all the time. The Panthers don’t wanna fight anymore since their boss just killed them and tell Inuyasha to tell Sesshomaru the feud is over and they’re going back to the West. Honestly this is basically the same backstory they gave Kirinmaru in Yashahime so it’s funny for them to say they’re going back to the same place Kirinmaru is from, wonder if it’ll ever come up in Yashahime since most filler seems canon there.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke and Kuwabara continue the assault on Tarukane’s compound and basically plow through the lower demons easy since they’ve been fighting minor deities up to this point. It’s always pretty cool in Shonen to just have a few rounds to show how much power creep the heroes have had where certain things just don’t bother them anymore. Toguro murders a Chimera which has an oddly similar backstory to Nina from FMA and he seems really bummed about it but he’s like “Hey we’re both monsters made by humans telling us to do shit, so sorry for killing you bro”. And Tarukane basically sees Toguro is the next boss and is like “Yup time to scam some people off of this” and he sets up a betting ring for how far Yusuke and Co will get into his compound. This is kinda neat because it puts Tarukane in the weird position of betting against his own guards and hoping Yusuke will make it all the way to Toguro and then lose after everyone else has seen how awesome Yusuke is and bets on him. And funnily enough Sakyo’s in on the betting and he’s watched anime before so he knows to bet on the plucky teenagers with weird powers. So yeah Yusuke and Kuwabara finish plowing through the demons while Hiei kinda stalks them and remembers getting his eye surgery and wanting to help his sister but it’s kind of against spirit world rules for demons to just go plow through humans even if they’re scumbag humans so now Yusuke and Kuwabara have to go fight the Triad of boss demons Toguro has under him before Hiei busts in and just murders everyone for kidnapping his bird-loving jewel-crying little flower of a sister.

Fate Zero: So Kiritsugu can break Kayneth’s Terminator 2 Gaara defenses with rib bullets that just say ‘no’ to using magic and fucks his arrogant ass up. Saber and Lancer do some combo shenanigans to stab Caster right in the book and disrupt all his hentai tentacle demons but the book heals so idk why he can’t just make more. Kirei fucks up Maiya and Iris but didn’t double tap Maiya and DID double tap iris but she’s got Saber’s bullshit healing scabbard on her which no one knows about so Saber’s like “uhhh why are you healing” and Iris can’t tell her so she’s basically “Uhh internet?” Lancer comes in to save Kayneth’s worthless ass and tells Kiritsugu to stop being a dick to Saber because she’s pretty dope. But as usual for an early Fate encounter, no one dies and nothing of terrible consequence happens despite it being teased a couple times. I’ve noticed a trend with Fate that it really doesn’t like killing characters early so you’re basically guaranteed to have the first 2-3 major battles have a zero net gain/loss. Rider in UBW was probably the subversion to that since it happened crazy fast and anticlimactic but even that wasn’t till like ten episodes in.

Konosuba: So we finally meet Wiz the big booby Lich and Kazuma learns a new skill, both fun things. Also the gang gets a house to stay in after escapades with an army of haunted dolls and the most “I need to pee” in a horror setting since Corpse Party. But yeah, good progress this time honestly, the living in a stable gag was getting kind of old so Kazuma’s a bit stronger now and they have a home base so that’s pretty cool. Also Wiz is a Demon General or some shit but no one cares cause there ain’t no money in murdering busty zombie waifus.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So turns out Minako is Princess Serenity, except everyone who knows anything about Sailor Moon or indeed plot structure knows Sailor Moon is Princess Serenity, that’s like the Luke I Am Your Father of this series. But still turns out Minako has been guiding everyone with the power of video games but also thinks the power of friendship sucks and she’s gotta go do everything alone. This makes things super awkward because Mamoru’s pretty sure he was in love with the Princess but likes Usagi, now instead of running with this interesting thread of a reincarnation falling in love with someone new we’re gonna do the reveal that Usagi’s the princess and the whole ‘till death do us part’ part of marriage was just a metaphor and you’re stuck with one person no matter how many times you reincarnate. But yeah, Minako fights the bad guy on top of the tower but he has Naraku’s Barrier now and Minako doesn’t have the Red Tessaiga upgrade yet so she needs the power of friendship but this barrier is friendship-proof and this fight is basically a bunch of kids on the playground making up increasingly stupid powers that negate the other powers the other guy just made up. Anyway Tuxedo Mask shows up and is like “Holy shit Sailor Moon I love when you kiss me and kick ass, go get em sweetie I’ll hold your flower” and they kiss and Usagi has learned that if she just pretends she got this the power of her confidence will beat the bad guy. Unfortunately she does not got this and Tuxedo Mask has to pull a Piccolo and throw himself in front of the blast.

Durarara!!:  So now that we’ve had our climax for the arc we have a six month timeskip and everyone’s just kinda living life, Mika and Seiji are being clinically insane together, there’s cops harassing Celty to the point of mental breakdown (normal cop stuff) Shinra’s dad’s in town, Namie’s become Izaya’s secretary for blackmail shit, you know, normal stuff. Also there’s a katana-wielding maniac going around slashing people and Anri’s being bullied and sexually harassed to the point of mental collapse, normal stuff.

[subwalls]

memory (in all its forms)

/ unfinished & unrevised, basically a “dre gets the memories knocked out of him and is very confusedly on lmanburgs side while his friends bite and scream and shout for him to come back and also the dragon is evil and controlling them that’s why the no end rule is in place” etc

“Surrender,” says the masked man before Wilbur, the black metal of a netherite axe held level with his throat. Flanking him are his—subordinates? Generals? How does Dream handle rankings in his SMP?—friends, each armed with loaded crossbows and drawn swords. 

Wilbur remains calm, but Tommy does not. His young right-hand man bristles from head to toe as he spits, “Never!” The fact that his throat could be split in an instant doesn’t daunt him at all.

He really does need to talk to that boy about deliberately aggravating L’Manburg’s fully decked out enemies when they themselves have nowhere near the same level of armor. That’ll have to be later, though; for now, Wilbur settles for exchanging a look with Niki over their heads and putting a hopefully calming hand on Tommy’s shoulder.

“You’re not getting anything out of us,” Wilbur says firmly. “Even under threat of death, we won’t surrender—we’re not carrying anything we can’t afford to lose.”

Sapnap snorts. “Clearly,” he says, raking a dismissing glance over their visible lack of armor and weapons. “Except Tubbo over there—what’re you looking at, buddy?” An upsettingly familiar gleam edges into his gaze, the same kind of look he usually gives groves of trees before he razes them to the ground. “Why don’t you share what you got with the class?”

Wilbur glances over, puzzled, just in time to see Tubbo tuck a shimmering bottle of something up his sleeve. 

“Nothing!” the boy says, unconvincingly. He glances towards Wilbur. “Just, you know. Drugs. For when we’re really in trouble.”

“On Dream SMP grounds? Oh, you’re really in for it now.” Sapnap tsks at them, but Wilbur barely hears him. 

The way Tubbo said that, the way he’s looking at Wilbur with as though waiting for him to catch on to something… Wilbur’s heart skips a beat with hope. Tubbo had said something about keeping his project with him wherever he went, because it’s usable now. Not perfect, but at least it does something.

They just have to make sure none of their own are within splash radius. 

Wilbur turns a critical eye to their surroundings. He, Tommy, Tubbo, and Niki are cornered against a cliff face by Dream, Sapnap, and George. Four versus three sounds like it should skew in their favor, but they’re hopelessly outarmed. Any show of resistance will be met with immediate death.

Stall. They have to stall, and hope that some glimmer of opportunity shows itself despite this incredibly tight situation. 

“Look,” Wilbur says, keeping his voice level. “Keeping us here isn’t helping your case at all. We might not have anything, but you won’t get anything, either.”

… 

Dream snarls, stomping towards him. “You—”

He doesn’t get a chance to finish; glass shatters against him, splashing potion residue everywhere. As he doubles over, coughing, Tubbo pops out of his hiding spot to shout, “Wilbur, come on!”

Unfortunately, the whole point of this trap is that there’s only one way in and out, which means Dream stands between him and Tubbo. The leader of the SMP isn’t exactly threatening right now, with how he’s slumped against the wall like he can’t keep his balance, but Wilbur’s still nervous to scoot past him. Even fatally nauseous, it’s not that hard to swing an axe. 

“Wh-what was that?” Dream says, much fainter than he’s ever sounded. “I don’t—ow, my head—” He folds to the floor in seconds, curling into a ball and grabbing at his head. The disorientating effect must be insane, because he’s struggling to the point of actually dislodging his own mask.

Wilbur’s pretty sure he even sleeps with the damn thing. For him to be pawing at his head so furiously as to knock it off… 

That can’t be right. Wilbur hesitates, watching the normally infallible Dream shake to pieces on the floor, and can’t help but feel as though something has gone horribly wrong. 

“Wilbur!” Tubbo hisses. “Hurry up!”

“Hold on,” Wilbur says. The potion is supposed to nauseate and poison, not completely knock out, but the way Dream has fallen eerily still on the stone ground makes him think he’s genuinely unconscious right now. Unexpected, yes, but not unwelcome. A whole slew of new possibilities are open to him now, and his fingers itch to get a hold of one. “Where are the others? Are they back safely?”

“Um. Yeah, I think so.”

“Good. Help me with him.”

“With—what?” Tubbo watches in bafflement as Wilbur goes over to Dream and kicks the axe away from his limp hand. “What are you doing?”

“What do you think the people of Dream SMP will think if they can’t find their leader anywhere, but his stuff is still sitting around?” Wilbur can’t access Dream’s inventory, but taking off his shield and armor is a simple enough feat, especially once Tubbo joins him. “They’d think he was killed, right?”

“Yeah. They’d probably check his bed, or spawn.”

“And what if they don’t find him there? If they can’t find him at all?”

“Then… I don’t know, maybe something went wrong?”

“Exactly.” Wilbur grins. “Something went wrong. And without Dream to check for world functionality, they’d have to consider that it’s broken broken—”

“So they’d go to the End to start it over!” Tubbo lights up. “Oh, you’re so wise, Wilbur.”

“Thank you, Tubbo.”

“Should we leave the mask, too? Just to be ominous.”

Wilbur glances to where it’s fallen on the floor, having slipped off its wearer’s head. It’s incredibly well-cared for, despite the number of conflicts it’s seen, but there are a few chips along the edges. “Sure,” he says, “why not? It’s not like Dream is going to need it while he’s in our dungeons.”

Tubbo blinks. “Do we even have dungeons?”

“We have a bunch of random rooms, I’m sure we can turn one of them into a dungeon,” Wilbur says. 

… 

The door creaks open. Everyone looks up as Eret steps out of the interrogation-slash-holding room.

“Uh, Wilbur?” Eret says. “I think we’ve got a problem.” 

… 

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Who are you?” 

“Um. ‘Dream’?” He looks uncertain—nothing like the militaristic leader of the Dream SMP has always been. Maybe it’s because he’s younger than expected, without that unnerving mask on. “Eret said my name was Dream.”

“Who is George?”

“I don’t know.”

“And Sapnap?”

“What?” 

“Sapnap.”

Dream blinks owlishly, without a single hint of recognition. “Is that a name?”

… 

Eret snaps his head up. “Wait,” he says, “that stuff wasn’t just invis?”

“Of course not,” Tubbo says. He straightens proudly. “I cooked up a new potion to help us out!”

“Oh,” Eret says. “You said it was a last resort, get-out thing, so I kind of assumed...” 

Tubbo shakes his head. “Nah. I mean, it definitely wasn’t supposed to erase anyone’s memory. It was just supposed to give someone nausea, so we couldn’t be chased. It might’ve been poisonous too? I couldn’t tell if it was just because I was feeling sick from the nausea or if it’s a actually a part of its effects.”

… 

“What did you do to him?” Sapnap snarls, pushing down on Tommy’s blade.

“We didn’t do shit!” Tommy spits back, struggling to throw off Sapnap’s heavy axe. A tinge of fear trickles along his veins, because Dream is just a room away, blissfully unaware of his forgotten past about to come knocking. “He—we just ran away from him!”

Sapnap twists his weapon with is blade catching on Tommy’s sword hilt, nearly knocking it out of Tommy’s hands. Tommy manages to shuffle back before Sapnap can split his head from his shoulders, but he’s far from safe. “Bullshit!” Sapnap says, eyes blazing.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 106 prt 2

Lance’s question was directed at both of them. Keith nuzzling into his boyfriend’s chest

“Babe. You don’t need to ask me. She’s your mum. It’s okay to want her here”

Coran’s smile lessened a little

“I’m sorry that’ll have to wait until you’ve regained some of your strength. It’s taxing enough on you, as well as controlling your ego. Rest today, then I’ll bring her by tomorrow”

Lance’s body seemed to slump without moving. He might not be close to Krolia, but Mami meant the world to Lance. If Lance needed her there, he’d pick her up himself

“I understand”

He shouldn’t have to

“I know this is hard. Krolia questioned me already over your condition. She was quite angry at being able to help. Until I’m certain there won’t be a mishap, we must air on the side of caution. If Keith was not your partner I wouldn’t have allowed him to stay as it was”

“You let everyone visit last night”

There was bite Keith’s tone as he pointed out the obvious

“As Lance was sleeping...”

“Babe, it’s okay. He knows that if something did happen, I’d be devastated. If he says it’s safer for us to wait, then I’ll have to be patient”

“It’s not fair”

“It’s not, but I’ve got you... honestly, I’d probably sleep through her visiting. The pair of us would be snoring our heads off. Coran can I have that injection now? I wanna take a nap”

Lance was trying to hard. If he could see his boyfriend’s face he knew he’d see that fake smile. This sucked

“Sure, my boy. Just a quick jab and then I’ll be on my way”

As quick as Coran appeared he was gone again. Keith still mad at him, and Lance knew it

“Babe, it’s okay”

“It’s not. She’s your mum. You should be able to have your mum here. You don’t have to hide how much you want her”

“No, but I do have to be careful... I really do want to see her... but not if I could hurt her”

“You wouldn’t do that”

“You can’t say that for sure”

“I can because it’s you. I can go...”

“No. No. I’ll see her tomorrow. I don’t know what I’m going to tell her”

“The truth?”

“I know that much... Keith, are you really sure you’re okay with this? You’re not trying to put my wants first?”

“No, babe. I’m scared and I have no idea what a father really is. I lost my dad too soon. And I’m probably going to be the worst dad ever...”

“You? I’m probably going to drop the baby”

“You’d catch them with those reflexes of yours”

Lance snorted at him

“I don’t think normal people make these jokes”

“Fuck normal. You’re going to be a good dad”

“No... we’ll be good dads together... I don’t want to lose it now I know they exist”

“Me neither... I’m scared too”

“I know you are... I’m just sorry I’m so sleepy. I want to talk to you better but I can barely keep my eyes open”

“That’s okay. Get some rest. I’m not leaving your side”

*

Lance was internally freaking the fuck out. He was pregnant. Baby on board. Life growing inside of him. His own personal version of that Alien movie where it burst out his stomach. There was a baby in him. Keith and his wonder dick had proved he definitely had great swimmers in there and now he was up the duff, bun in the oven... Pregnant.

In a lot of ways he was grateful for being so fatigued. He really did want to talk to Keith, but he was so damn tired that sleeping meant it was put off. Keith couldn’t possibly be as okay as he was making out. This wasn’t something small. This was like a whole life inside of him. They’d been careful... but not careful enough... and now he had a baby growing inside of him... and it was weird. Keith’s birthday weekend was approaching. He’d been looking forward to that too much, but if he went hiking, Keith would probably fret too much to enjoy himself. And then there were the others to consider. What did he tell them and when did he tell them? Pidge and Hunk were physical people. Pidge would drop into his lap for cuddles and Hunk would sweep him off his feet. That’s how it was. How did he tell that was a no go? And how was his baby even alive after what happened? What if they’d been hurt? What if something was wrong with them? He couldn’t stop the continuous bombardment in his sleepy head.

Keith was snoring against him. His poor boyfriend had to see him hurt again... and it’s been bad from what he’d said. He’d hurt him again. Scared him. He’d scared him so many times... but he... When this all sank in, what would he really say? When the shock was over they were left with the truth, would Keith still want a baby with him? Or would he ask him to abort? His damn stupid mind was already attached to the tiny thing knowing it existed. Part of him screamed with happiness, the dirty rotten traitor part. He wanted to be rational, but the idea of having a baby with Keith, though a surprise, was something he’d wanted long into the future when everything was over... He couldn’t... He wanted... He wanted to keep the baby... but he couldn’t do that if Keith wasn’t ready. This might be his body, but Keith was his heart and soul.

He’d had kind of the same talk with Coran when Coran had brought him lunch. Coran back and forth between being happy for them being realistic. His decisions no longer were purely his to make... He wondered if his mother felt the same. He was 3 years older than when she’d had him. Her brood already full of 4 mischievous kids. Kids were loud and messy. Scraped knees and blood noses came with the territory. Would their baby be fully human, or would it pop out with little bat wings and ears? Would he be able to cope? And would there ever be that urge for blood and to feed on them? It made him feel sick thinking about it.

But... he kept coming back to it. He was attached. This little life he and Keith had made. Their love had made a whole other human. No. More like their lust. They liked where they were. Keith job was finally making him happy. Lance was the one overthinking things, always stalling and pulling away. Acting his age went out of the window when Keith was around. His boyfriend had had a pretty shitty life. They both had. They both had the emotional scars to prove it. He wanted this baby. But he could very well lose it and all of this could be for nothing. Keith would put on a brave face, tell him it wasn’t his fault. When it would be. He didn’t want to lose it. He didn’t want to fall asleep and wake up covered in his own blood. He didn’t want to cause everyone pain... but most of all he was so fucking tired of being like this. With all these thoughts. What would his Mami think? She’d thought she’d never see him fall in love. She loved Keith. But this would drive his family further apart... and he was so sick of that. Luis wouldn’t understand... None of them ever could. They were human. He wasn’t. No matter how much he tried. If he was human, he wouldn’t be pregnant. His body would change. His stomach would round out. Would Keith still love him then? When he no longer looked like this? He’d never deny Keith access to his child. He’d never take that away from him, even if they didn’t work out. But would he be filled with longing for Keith every time he saw him? Would he cope with Keith moving on? He knew he wouldn’t. Keith was so fucking good to him. Too good to him. He was amazed how much love Keith had for him, especially seeing how much he’d hated him to begin with. If Keith had pulled that trigger, none of this would have happened. He’d never know what it was to love someone like he loved Keith. He didn’t want to hold Keith back. This thing with Honerva... he’d leave. He’d leave when it came time to go after her... and Lance wouldn’t stop him if that’s where he needed to be. Keith had been wounded by the loss of Krolia... Lance had Coran. Coran, Allura, Matt, Rieva, Hunk, Pidge, and his Mami... would Keith feel replaced?

Keith let out a rather loud nasally snore, his fingertips digging into Lance’s stomach. His boyfriend was so incredibly adorable. So soft and kind, under his anger loaf outside. He’d come a long way from when he thought he didn’t know how to people very well. He wasn’t the problem, it was the people around him who didn’t care what he had to say. Shiro and Adam did the best they could, but now Keith had a whole bunch of friends who loved him for him and his confidence had grown. He didn’t lurk in group chat anymore, sometimes even initiating conversation. He loved that. That Keith was opening up to them fully. He was so proud of his boyfriend... and now he was carrying his baby. Their baby.

Letting Keith’s snoring lull him back to sleep, he fell asleep still holding Keith’s hand.

[therealkatekane]

My Journey

At the tender age of thirty-five, I have discovered anime. Don’t get me wrong, I first watched Princess Mononoke at sixteen. It was my first exposure to Eastern thought, and it blew my tiny adolescent western mind, and I loved it. But outside of Ghibli movies and Voltron (which I don’t count), I’ve never sought it out on my own.

As a previous post might indicate, I am obsessed with Godzilla, so it isn’t as if I’m closed off from Japanese media. Most of the video games I play are Japanese. (Fire Emblem, Harvest Moon, Rune Factory, pretty much anything Nintendo.) One of my partners is even a Pacific Islander of Japanese descent, who lived in Japan, who speaks Japanese. And we’ve been together seven years. But all of the sudden, now I’m on this quest to make up for lost time and consume all the anime I can.

(Note: If you have suggestions, I would love them. But I would prefer if they were queer. I want women in love with other women. It doesn’t have to be overt, but I don’t want any heterosexual romances, and would prefer as few male characters as possible. I’ve seen enough male-driven storylines, thanks.)

But today, I am here to word-vomit all about the queer extravaganza that is Senki Zesshou Symphogear. Because I am addicted. I’ll start with this picture.

And so begins our journey...

The show starts out the gate being super gay. Tsubasa (Blue) and Kanade (Red) are each a half of the singing duo Zwei Wing. They refer to one another as partners and there is a lot of “We can do anything as long as we’re together” and “I’m going to sing with you forever” type stuff.

Then there is Hibiki and Miku:

Friends since childhood, they are the core couple of the show. Hibiki is the main character who typically discovers she’s not just a normal girl and has the ability to wield a Gear, which allows her to become this adorable badass superhero. Miku is her anchor in the mundane world. She is frequently the one person or thing that can reach/inspire/motivate Hibiki. She is what drives Hibiki.

Hibiki calls Miku her sunflower, the place where she is warmest, where she will always return to. 

Which brings me to the point that they share a bed. Despite having bunk beds, they always sleep together. Except when they’re fighting, then they go to their respective bunks. It’s just so cute.

The characters are delightfully complex. Hibiki is as pure as the driven snow but she isn’t naive. Usually, pure characters are oblivious or ignorant to the danger or evil around them, but Hibiki isn’t. She knows fighting is dangerous. She knows people can be evil, but those things never deter her. It makes her incredibly brave, even when confronted with someone she knows is malicious, she extends her hand in friendship because she chooses to believe the best in others. It is nice to see a character who is sweet and pure without being an utter dumbass. 

We’ve all seen it. The sweet, precious hero is surprised that the bad guy who has been trying to kill them for an entire season won’t be their friend. Hibiki is NOT like that. She always gives people the opportunity for kindness without expectation, with the full awareness that it might be rejected.

Miku is the sweet, somewhat demure, nurturing one. She is the caretaker character. You might initially think she’s the standard timid and meek best friend stock character. But nope. She does not suffer fools. She is not an enabler. She is not afraid to call anybody out on their bullshit, regardless of who they are. She does what she thinks is right which also makes her very brave. She wants to protect Hibiki as much as Hibiki protects her.

Their dynamic is just lovely. Hibiki can kind of be a mess sometimes. She’s absent-minded, never on time, doesn’t prioritize school work. Miku is always there to pull her back down to earth, to center her. If she feels Hibiki is losing focus or deviating from who she is, Miku will always be the one to ground her. She truly is Hibiki’s anchor, her safe place. And I love it.

Oh and there is my dear Yukine Chris. I won’t go super in detail, but I will leave you with this:

It is exactly what it looks like. A queer D/s relationship. Unfortunately, it’s toxic and unhealthy. A whole lot of “I’m the only one that can love you” and “You have to obey me or I won’t love you anymore” and “I’m angry so you have to let me take it out on you” and so on. It’s all taken directly from the Abusive Relationship Handbook.

But worry not, we are not subjected to the toxicity for terribly long, and Chris gets the kindness and love she deserves from her new friends and senpai. I’d go more in depth, but y’know... spoilers.

Now, let us march forward to season two where our Roster of Queerness is completed by three additional characters. Two of which are so cute I cannot even fucking stand it. 

I call them my Precious Gay Babies.

Kirika and Shirabe are two little baby gays that grew up in an orphanage with only one another and Maria, who is like a big sister to them. But oh my fucking god they are so precious I can’t even handle it.

Kirika is the more animated of the two. The sweet, cheerful ray of sunshine. And Shirabe is the quieter, more solemn of the two. They literally have a fight where they are shouting back and forth at each other how much they love one another. If this show was only about them, I would watch it. They are just way too cute.

Shirabe can be a little possessive of Kirika, and Kirika knows who she belongs to. If another girl touches her, she knows Shirabe will put the stomp down on it. I usually find behavior like that kind of squicky and toxic, but in this instance it isn’t too gross because I think it’s rooted in their background. They’ve only ever had one another so they’re extremely protective of each other.

I mean, just look.

Look at my Precious Gay Babies!

LOOK AT THEM!! 

They are so cute and precious and I love them.

Let me wrap this up with Maria.

I won’t go too in depth with Maria because I don’t want to be spoiler-y. But 1) She’s fantastic. 2) No, I don’t know what’s up with her hair. 3) She is totally queer for Tsubasa, and I’m sailing on that ship. 

I am midway through the fourth season. So, I haven’t caught up to the most current season (5) but holy hell. I am invested.

It’s just a bunch of girls (oh! And there is even a genderless, sexless character who is precious and I love) being in love with other girls and fighting monster things.

I fucking love this show. Right now, it’s kind of vying for top spot with Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid. Which may only be my number one because it’s a little more overt in its women sleeping with other women thing. It’s equal parts “fuck yes!” combined with “am I high right now?” That’ll be my next post, I digress.

If you are in the mood for some light but surprisingly good entertainment featuring a strong line of female characters who all fall in love with one another, then I cannot recommend Senki Zesshou Symphogear enough. It is fan-fucking-tastic. It doesn’t require too much thought, but it makes up for it by giving you a ton of warm, fuzzy feels.

And if you can recommend me anything similar. Or anything that heavily features queer women, I would be forever in your debt.

Oh, and PS there is a mobile game, which is how I found the show in the first place. Downloaded the game, played it, then got all fucked up on the anime. Worth it.

[takoyakitenchou]

can i have headcanons of seijuro and auden, pls?

yus here are some random hcs strewn about my google drive (and the margins of a few midterms lol) 

everything under the cut bc it’s kinda long

Ibusaki Seijuro, fuckboy extraordinaire

height in 2nd year: 5′11 (180 cm) 

weight in 2nd year: 160 lbs (73 kg)

preferred clothing brand: does not care as long as they’re Hawaiian shirts

favorite movie/show: Fight Club

favorite book: Shogun (Clavell)

top song on Spotify he’s on the Kurokiba family plan lol: 3 Nights by Dominic Fike

non-culinary activities: billiards and breaking (pop culture calls it breakdance but that is not the right term)

Sei is the first son of Ibusaki Shun and Sakaki Ryoko. He has his mother’s magenta hair and father’s slate grey eyes

Hawaiian shirts and Totsuki ties. Hawaiian shirts. He has an incorrigible belief that there is not enough color at Totsuki (obviously he hasn’t seen his hair lol) and therefore only wears the brightest colors possible. Sei can typically be seen in the early morning running daily laps around Legislation wearing his prized Birkenstocks

When he’s in the dorm or at Nakiri Mansion, however, he wears turtlenecks and sweatpants (with Birkenstocks)

Cooking in front of an audience is Seijuro’s true forte. He makes an elaborate live show out of every dish, spinning around in his basketball shorts, Hawaiian shirt, Totsuki tie, and Birkenstocks. Sei does not wear aprons lol but at the Autumn Elections, the Nakiri cousins persuaded Auden to coerce Seijuro into wearing at least semi-formal attire but he showed up in a flamboyant flannel instead. Wild af

He started getting into Spanish cuisine after he discovered Dia de los Muertos and the colorful calaveras, and he makes a point of making pan de muerto for the Nakiri-PSD members every year to celebrate the holiday. The only death he’s celebrating, though, is the death of Auden’s sanity (more on that later)

By virtue of his parents’ sake and smoked foods empire, he also dabbles in their specialties but he won’t be the heir to their company (working title IbuSakaki if I can arrange the kanji properly LOL). His max is fermenting sake for gang parties but after the SenAudpocalypSei (Sena + Auden + Seijuro + apocalypse), he starts smoking cigarettes and this is what really drives the final wedge between him and Auden

Sei and Auden stagiaire with the brothers Aldini and they learn how to use a mezzaluna. Extremely proficiently

One night he and his best bro Auden get on the drunker side despite both of them being notorious heavyweights, and they go to a tattoo shop and Sei gets six piercings in one ear. And two on the other. He doesn’t even notice until like six days later when one of the helixes on his left ear gets infected

Sei is the girl magnet of the school, and most people assume that he has like 593 girlfriends (or at least 593 girls that he fools around with), but in reality he’s almost always been in love with Marui Sena, and he’s actually not as much of a fuckboy as his reputation explicity states implies. But rep is rep, and he loves being the center of attention, so he lets the rumors spread like wildfire. And he does have a hoe-ish personality but this is completely repressed as soon as Sena transfers into gen 120 for high school

Sei’s one true weakness is his loyalty to Auden and his affections for Sena. Ultimately, his attempt to keep both on either side of him will serve as a catalyst for the SenAudpocalypSei and they’ll tear Totsuki up by its roots

He hangs out with Nakiri Jouichirou a lot (Asahi’s son, 117th gen and serving as the youngest lecturer in the history of Totsuki) and eventually learns the Crossed Knives technique from him. Jou acts more like an older brother than a professor to Sei and they grow extremely close

Kurokiba Auden, would-be Planet Earth narrator

height in 2nd year: 6′0 (183 cm)

weight in 2nd year: 165 lbs (75 kg)

preferred clothing brand: Billabong

favorite movie/show: Planet Earth

favorite books: Fountainhead (Rand) and The Prince (Machiavelli) his choices were heavily influenced by the Sorina and Akisako children

top song on Spotify: Wonderlust by Will Post

non-culinary activities: swim

Auden is the only child of Kurokiba Ryo and Nakiri Alice. When he was born, Souma and Erina were in that hazy pre-dating phase and so Alice and Ryo were unsure if the Sorina baby would be named Nakiri or Yukihira. They decided not to name their kid Nakiri Auden because Alice would do anything to avoid a repeat of the Nakiri cousins conflict (she inevitably has lingering resentments from being in Erina’s shadow for the first 18 years of her life) but Auden is the legal heir to the Nakiri-Totsuki Group. Obviously, Ryoali had no idea that Yukihira Kaede would end up not even being in the culinary business lol

The only potential competition for Auden’s inheritance ends up becoming Nakiri Jouichirou, who is the only one in the family from the next era who carries the Nakiri name. But Jouichirou is completely disinterested in running the empire so Auden has no trouble assuming the throne later on

Auden’s eyes are different reds. His heterochromia isn’t as noticeable as Kaede’s but his left eye is a few shades darker than his right. Especially after he joins the Elite Ten and gets no sleep (dark circles lol), he looks exactly like his dad but with shorter hair (think Central Arc but shorter). He uses his dad’s bandana on occasion but it only returns him to normal function. His voice is literal heaven. He could’ve been a narrator for Planet Earth.

He’s extremely soft and mild mannered, with none of his mother’s (and his father’s, to be fair) eccentricities. Auden is the most responsible out of the Elite Ten and pretty much the entire cast of the Genesis verse, 92′ers included. He has no emotional extrema (part of the reason why the bandana hardly affects him) and this is a relief for his parents, because it lessens his chances of dissociation and fugue

Auden specializes in Danish cuisine from a bit of a molecular standpoint, resulting from his time in the lab with his mom

In his second year of middle school, he dips a week to compete at national swim competition in Osaka and easily wins. He’s sponsored by Totsuki’s Sports Association and its founder/pres, Luc Tadokoro-Aldini

When he was younger, Auden spent a lot of time with Auntie Hisako, who drilled a whole bunch of medicinal knowledge into him because being a Ryoali child is a hazardous occupation so later when he meets Sei he finds out abt his smoking (Auden thought smoking as in cigarettes but Sei meant smoking as in food) and makes Sei promise not to smoke. It’s their first and only promise as best bros, and Sei picking up cigarettes in 3rd year pretty much destroys their friendship

Auden cuts the sleeves off of every t-shirt he owns, and ripped jeans are kind of his thing. Unlike Seijuro, who at least wears the Totsuki tie, Auden does not own a single article of the school uniform lol but Dean Hayama pretends not to notice

His goal is to be head chef for one of Tsukasa Eishi’s restaurants. This is pretty much the trigger for SenAudpocalypSei

I won’t go into too much detail about the SenAudpocalypSei bc that’ll take center stage in Renaissance anyhow but a vague summary is that Auden puts his career over his friends and Sei completely loses faith in him. Although the conflict stems from Auden’s career goals, it ends up revolving mostly around the love triangle between Seijuro, Auden, and Sena; ultimately they destroy a lot of the Totsuki dynamic that developed under Arato-Hayama Hikari’s tenure as first seat

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 13

ok, I didn’t mean to take...(doesn’t bother to look at how long since it’s been since I’ve posted anything for this story because the guilt will kill me) however long (feels longer than forever) to update this story. I literally had it all planned out in my head. And then when I went to write it my brain went “fuck you, I am on fumes, I need a break, I’m done.” and it didn’t matter how much I tried to restart or jump it- no go. So I moved on. I went back to school, I’m getting my licence to be a massage therapist, I’ll be doing that until July of next year which I’m currently on break with until Tuesday. But GOOD NEWS. I was going through my tumblr and I still find all these RaeLena pictures and when I went back to this- I found, lo and behold, FUEL. So I started this back up and this baby is running! Wooo! @the-immortal-marshal​ and @warnjai-17​ hopefully you’re still here to enjoy this 

AO3

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND

Chapter 13

The morning of Crowe’s wedding day was bright and brisk and the trees around the farm seemed to have come into spectacular color just for her. The sunrise was especially beatuiful and Prompto and the photographer got some outstanding pictures of it. 

The horses had been washed the day before and kept in their squeaky clean stalls so they didn’t get dirty right before the ceremony. Crowe woke up feeling so happy and excited because today was the day her and her best friend were getting married and Chelsea had worked overtime in making sure every detail was perfect and to make sure Crowe only had decisions to make in a timely manner but no actual work to do through the whole process so it had been a breeze. The girls had all stayed at Sylva’s house and she had had another caterer come in and make everyone breakfast and a team of hair and makeup artists to make sure each girl shined like the jewel she was as Luca and Lilly and all the other little sisters of the those in the wedding party got to get glammed up too. 

Meanwhile Libertus woke up with the worst hangover and felt like death warmed over. He had stayed up half the night, him and his friends around a campfire on Craig’s farm and drank and just talked, some of it was casual, most of it was deep though while Tredd did manage to keep his mouth shut about Ada being pregnant. But he sure did hint at it to Luche which Ravus and Nyx picked up on as Ravus was suspecting that the reason his mother favored Tredd as much as she did was because he had the gift too. 

Craig Sr. and his wife Charla were already hard at work making a mountain of food for the boys and they chuckled to themselves as they watched all of them wake up to the smell of food and come in, each one’s hair crazier than the last as they all did the zombie shuffle to get the food before sitting down at the table as the guys downed pot after pot of coffee and ate in relative silence as bottles of Tylenol, Advil and Aleve were passed around. 

“You boys alive over there?” Craig asked before there was a chorus of groans as an answer which cracked Craig Sr. and Charla up. 

Meanwhile Hazel was sleeping blissfully away in Titus’ bed before the smell of her own breakfast woke her up only moments before Titus came in with their breakfast on a tray. 

“Good morning Beautiful.” Titus cooed to her as her eyes fluttered open before she smiled adoringly at him as she stretched. 

“Good morning, what do you got there?” She asked as she sat up, keeping the blankets up to cover her nakedness but moved the pillows to the headboard so she could sit up comfortably. 

“Breakfast.” Titus beamed. 

“Aww,” Hazel fawned as he gave her the tray and then got back into bed before they cuddled together with the extra large tray over Hazel’s lap. 

“This is really sweet,” Hazel gushed as she started to dig in to the bowl of berries before she pulled the lid off of the plate to see an engagement ring sitting on top of some french toast and gasped as Titus’ heart beat so hard in his chest he thought it was going to break his ribs as his mouth felt like it was full of cotton all of a sudden. 

“So, I was thinking, I know you really like your apartment and I really like the peace and quiet and space of the country, but I thought we could find a happy medium if we built a house together, Oak Creek Estates still has a bunch of lots available and if…” Titus was cut off by Hazel quickly attaching her mouth to his and kissing him as deeply as she could from her spot under his arm as his arm curled around her before his other hand went up to gently caress her gorgeous face, hoping she could understand what he was trying to say because words were failing him but actions never would.  

“Yes, that’ll be perfect, a fresh new start for both of us.” Hazel beamed happily as she had already slipped the ring on before Titus moved the tray over to the floor before he really got to enjoy his fiance for breakfast which is what he really wanted. 

As the clock ticked down Libertus went from hungover to happy to nervous and by a surprise, Luche was too. 

“Cut it out, they’re all gonna think you’re playing with yourself.” Tredd teased as he sat down next to Luche after he came back into the house from helping the firework guys set up all the fireworks for the night before he sat down on the couch as Luche frowned over at him. 

“Cut what out?” Luche tried to deflect. 

“You keep fingering that engagement ring thing in your pocket, it looks like you’re trying to jack off.” Tredd chuckled as Luche frowned. 

“How…” Luche began as Tredd gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Really? You really wanna play dumb? Come on, let me seee.” Tredd questioned as Luche humphed before he pulled it out and handed it to Tredd. 

“I do, I will marry you.” Tredd gushed in an overly feminine way. 

“Oh my God, stop.” Luche rolled his eyes as Tredd opened the fancy slim ring box to see a paper flower fold out holding the ring. 

“Aww, this was one of Victor’s rings for Ravus wasn’t it?” Tredd asked as Luche sighed deeply. 

“Yes, I bought it off of him.” Luche admitted. 

“Of course you did, you spent what? A whole dollar?” Tredd teased. 

“Ravus gave me a price and I paid it, no negotiations needed.” Luche defended. 

“A whole five dollars because you don’t cary singles anymore blue blood.” Tredd grinned triumphantly. 

“I hate this about you.” Luche sarcastically quipped as he tried to take the ring back but Tredd pulled it out of his reach. 

“Hey, hey, don’t get all huffy. I think it’s nice- a whole 20 carats just on the center diamond and that has to be...another 5 carats in the bezels and blue diamonds are coming back into fashion again, platinum?” Tredd appraised as Luche just frowned deeper and deeper. 

“Since when do you know anything about jewelry?” Luche asked.  

“Since mom adopted me too and has been taking me under her wing and teaching me the same shit she’s teaching you but I get the super fun hands on versions, and she is paying me in stock options now and recognizes that I have a good eye and can spot a fake a mile away.” Tredd answered casually as he gave it back. 

“Wait paying you? Paying you for what?” Luche demanded. 

“You didn’t think you were her only eyes and ears did you?” Tredd grinned smugly. 

“How much is she paying you?” Luche pressed. 

“Eh, it started off as 5k here, 10k there, now it’s stock options and percentages and 401ks and trust funds and all that which I find I like much better, especially since I’ve been reinvesting that money in said stocks. Project Recovery alone has quadrupled my money in just the last couple of months alone and Sylva says I have the same gift she has in that oracle shit. I see things with my special eyes that you don’t.” Tredd teased as he poked his finger near Luche’s ear as he batted his eyes suggestively at Luche.  

“Stop,” Luche batted Tredd’s hand away. “What do you see that I don’t?” Luche questioned. 

“I knew before anyone else did that Crowe was pregnant.” Tredd grinned. 

“You got lucky.” Luche countered. 

“Did I? Did I also get really super lucky when I knew Ada was pregnant over the summer on the cruises?” Tredd revealed. 

“What?” Luche blinked. 

“Yeah, I saw that before Sylva did, And that fifteen grand? That was to keep you two from fucking so you wouldn’t lose your mind when she lost that pregnancy. Which sucked by the way, but hopefully it doesn’t happen again.” Tredd revealed. 

“You…” Luche didn’t know if he should laugh, cry or just go bang his head against a wall. “How? How did you know?” Luche demanded. 

“There’s just a lot of subtle changes that most miss but to me they just all add up for some reason.” Tredd shrugged. “But looking back, aren’t you happy you didn’t fuck her senseless on the cruise?” Tredd asked. 

“...yeah.” Luche ducked his head with a sigh. 

“Well I knew the moment those two got together that it was gonna crash and burn in a matter of months. She’s always been your girl, she was just the last one to realize it.” Tredd offered which made Luche and Tredd both grin lopsidedly at each other. 

“Thanks.” Luche thanked him. 

“You’re welcome. By the way, I want to be a groomsman.” Tredd insisted which made Luche snicker a laugh. 

“Oh do you?” Luche returned. 

“Hell yeah, am I or am I not the Bro who was purposefully a douche to save you from that clusterfuck?” Tredd prodded. 

“You are that douche.” Luche laughed. 

“So I’m a groomsman?” Tredd prodded. 

“You are the douchiest of my groomsman.” Luche chuckled. 

“Good,” Tredd grinned victoriously as Ravus and Nyx came up. 

“Oh is that Ada’s ring?” Nyx asked. 

“Yeah, I was thinking I was gonna pull a Rae.” Luche admitted as he handed it to Nyx as Ravus smiled proudly. Happy that the ring was going to go to a “brother”. Besides that still left a few to save for his children to use when they would get engaged. 

“Awesome,” Nyx smiled happily before he gave it back. 

“Shower is clear.” Craig called out after he got out of his since every shower was being used on the property to get all the boys ready as Luche got the ring back as he got up and claimed the empty shower. 

“So what else do you see with your special eyes?” Ravus asked Tredd once Luche was well out of earshot. 

“Jesus, you have the ears of a rodent Beavus.” Tredd rolled his eyes. 

“Ada’s pregnant again isn’t she?” Ravus grinned. 

“Sssshhhh!” Tredd shushed him as he quickly looked around to see if anyone else had heard that. 

“See? Told you.” Ravus put to Nyx who gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Does he know?” Nyx gestured to where Luche went. 

“No, absolutely not, and none of us can tell him either, we gotta let Ada find out on her own and have her be the one to tell him, we can’t spoil this for him. I mean you know me, I’m all for spoiling shit but that’s the special shit you don’t spoil.” Tredd urged them. 

“So what do you think it’s gonna be?” Ravus put to Tredd curiously. 

“Pppfff, boy.” Tredd snickered. “Watch they’ll name him something super British, like London or Oxford or something so English the Royal Family will be like ‘calm it down now’. “ Tredd predicted. 

“London.” Nyx and Ravus grinned. 

“Any other girl preggers?” Nyx asked Tredd. 

“Right now? No. About to be? Oh yeah,” Tredd laughed. 

“Who?” Ravus and Nyx asked as Tredd looked at them unimpressed before he looked over to Gladio pointedly before turning back to them. 

“No way,” Nyx shook his head. 

“A hundred bucks, they’re going to be expecting in the next say...four months?” Tredd offered as he offered his hand for a shake. 

“Deal.” Nyx agreed as he shook Tredd’s hand as Ravus just shook his head, knowing Tredd was right and knew that Tredd had the same gift he had. Which instead of denying it or downplaying it or getting jealous, he felt a sense of relief that he wasn’t the only one with it. 

Once all the girls arrived the boys got the horses saddled and ready to go as the guests started to arrive and take their seats. The weather couldn’t be more perfect, small, almost cartoonish puffy clouds rolling in the sky, it was warm enough to be comfortable but not chilled enough to be cold but that message didn’t seem to get to Libertus who was sweating buckets so much so that everyone thought he was going to lose 10lbs in sweat alone and Chelsea was grateful she had extra shirts for Libertus to change into and basically bathed him in deodorant and antiperspirant and loaded him up with anti-nausea meds as his own mother and Crowe’s mothers gave him the pep-talk of the century as Chelsea was copying that down for future use. 

When it finally came time for the actual ceremony, the horses suddenly decided to shit where they stood at the back of the aisle before Chelsea and her team tried to hurriedly clean it up, the horses then tried munching on the flowers on the sides of the aisle, there was practically a whole hive of bees there to collect the nectar from all the flowers even though Sylva had a case of Epipens which thankfully didn’t need to get used but thankfully, at least- there were no mosquitoes and Libertus was thankfully laughing too hard at the horses being horses to cry too much because the sight of Crowe in a wedding dress coming down the aisle to him was overwhelming to him. 

Because Crowe’s smile shamed the sun. She was radiant and beautiful and practically glowing and Libertus had never seen her look so beautiful in his life. It was perfect and after the vows, Libertus finally seemed to ease up and become himself again. 

At the reception Sylva went ahead and practically glued herself to Linda, Luche’s mother as Luche was slow dancing with Ada because she had caught the bouquet in the bouquet toss, thanks to Sylva organizing her girls to guarantee it and thanks to Sylva also organizing her boys- Luche caught the garter belt and now they were dancing together, the rest of the world falling away. 

“I really like the fairy lights.” Ada noted at all the twinkle lights around them. 

“Would you want fairy lights at our wedding?” Luche asked and Ada didn’t give a second thought to his choice of words before she began telling him all about what she would want for their wedding. 

Meanwhile on the sidelines-

“Linda, you better get used to the idea of them being together.” Sylva urged as Linda gave her a side eye. 

“Look, it’s very simple, it’s either Ada or this cum guzzling gutter trash.” Sylva continued as she pulled up a video of Beth on a porn site that had Linda choking on her winecooler and looking particularly aghast. “That could have been your daughter in law who by the way flirted and eye fucked before she actually did fuck Chinese billionaires trying to get the best deal possible while Luche was sitting right next to her and would have been way more unfaithful to him than Ada ever will be again, Ada is allowed to sow a wild oat or two in her youth, and now that she’s done that and seen that the grass is indeed not anywhere near as green as it is with Luche and I can tell you that she won’t be making that mistake again.” Sylva assured Linda. “Now, count your blessings as you read this.” Sylva furthered before she pulled out a prenup and it had Linda grinning from ear to ear as she read it.  

“You see the line we have to walk as mothers is to let our children enjoy life and live it how they want to, but that doesn’t mean we can’t put them in some safety gear, I’ll have Ada sign this before we go wedding dress shopping but here’s the deal-” Sylva lowered her voice. “You and Luke will be nothing but nice, happy and supportive of Luche and Ada from here on out. I have already talked with Luche and he’s ok with me paying for a bulk of the wedding expenses, all I’m asking you and Luke to pay for are the invitations and Ada’s parents will be buying Ada’s veil, fair enough?” Sylva put to her. 

“That’s more than fair.” Linda nodded in agreement with a thankful smile to Sylva. 

“Good, now, watch your son propose and be happy about it.” Sylva nodded to the dancefloor where Luche had gotten down on one knee and proposed to Ada as Sylva was smiling brightly while Linda plastered on a smile, happy that her son was at least protected and grateful that Sylva had adopted him and cared for him as her own because the Lord knew she wasn’t willing or ready to pay for much of anything else as Sylva offered her own winecooler over to Linda to clink with a knowing smile when Ada said yes. 

After that, that’s when the party seemed to get into full gear, the moment the sun began to set they lit the fires in the fire pits inside the bale circles so people could sit on the bales and make smores since the wedding had been catered by a competition BBQ joint that had all the BBQ and steaks anyone could ask for. There was a mountain of throw blankets to keep the guests warm as they did this and then at the finale- that’s when Tredd- being a fireman and pyromaniac- set the fireworks off which everyone fully enjoyed before the party sent Crowe and Libertus off on their honeymoon which Sylva got them a cabin and a hunting excursion out in the northwest. 

Luche and Ada barely made it home and in the door before they were on each other and removing the remainder of their clothes and made it to the bottom of the stairs before Luche had pinned her to the wall and started fucking her hard up against it, Ada’s engagement ring nearly getting snagged in his hair as Ada scratched his scalp roughly as the loudest and longest pleasured moan left her throat. 

“Oh Luche!” Ada keened as the back of her head hit the wall behind her, knocking the picture of them hanging next to her head slightly askew as Luche’s hips pounded into hers. 

Luche proposing to Ada after she caught the bouquet came as a surprise to Ada but not really to anyone else, but that was all that mattered to Luche. Ada was completely wrapped up in wedding fever and the joy and excitement of the moment to notice anyone outside of Luche. Their relationship was better than it had ever been since she came back to him and together they both worked exceptionally hard to make the other happy. 

Ada was blown away by the drop dead gorgeous ring Luche proposed with.

Luche had wanted his proposal to be more eloquent but in the end, he just went for simple and straight to the point. 

When Ada had said that she liked something about the decorations for the wedding, Luche found himself asking her what she would like for their wedding and Ada had answered it without a second thought and before Ada realized it she revealed what she had always wanted and fantasized about as a little girl and Luche was grinning ear to ear and when she was done Luche didn’t hesitate to just get down on one knee and offer to give her everything she had just said and pleaded for the chance to make all her dreams come true as everyone quickly gathered around them with eager eyes and ears to hear her answer and Ada didn’t even get to see the ring before she said yes and when she did see the ring, her eyes nearly popped out of her head and her jaw fell and rolled away on the floor. But she readily had him put it on her finger. 

From there, it was like they were velcroed to each other and receiving all the congratulatory wishes before Chelsea made a point to make sure they had her business card and to give her a call when they wanted to set a date and get things in motion before Luche repeated, almost verbatim what Ada had just said to her as Chelsea quickly made notes, using up the last half of her notebook since the first half was already full of notes for Hazel and Titus’ wedding plans that she had gotten earlier before she left Luche and Ada to enjoy more congratulations since Ada was the last to be engaged and didn't notice how Chelsea had then gone to Sylva, Linda and Luke as well as Ada's parents who Sylva had gathered together to force a congratulatory toast between them all before Sylva informed them that she would be paying for the bulk of it if Luche's parents were willing to buy the invitations and if Ada's parents would pay for Ada's veil since wedding dresses could be so expensive, that she would take care of the rest since Luche was like another son to her and brother to Ravus which she received very little argument to. 

Luche felt he smiled more that night than he had in the previous year combined. But he was so happy. Finally things were coming together. He had the dream job, had fantastic friends, supportive family and the girl of his dreams and everything was perfect and he couldn’t ask for more. 

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z Movie 12: Fusion Reborn (6/6)

One of the criticisms I’ve seen about this movie (From Team Four Star, because they seem to be the only ones still sleeping on how cool Movie 12 is), is that the Veku vs. Janemba part takes up too much of the film.   I find this absurd for a couple of reasons.

First, it illustrates the immense risk involved with the Fusion Technique.  If you screw it up, you may end up worse off than when you started.   As far as I can tell, Veku has greater power and stamina than Fat Gotenks, and he lasted a lot longer against Janemba than Goku or Vegeta did individually, but he’s still in deep trouble, and things could have gone even worse depending on how badly our heroes botched the pose.   

I think the presumption here is that Goku and Vegeta should have pulled it off on their first try, allowing time for an epic fifteen-minute brawl with Janemba to close the movie.    But that’s not how Fusion works in this franchise.    It’s a high-risk/high-reward manuever.   If you get it wrong, it’s a disaster, but if it works, you can overwhelm an opponent in minutes, if not seconds. 

The second objection I have is that every gorram one of these movies wastes a bunch of time on goofy stuff.   Movies 3 blows like a third of its runtime on a camping trip that has nothing to do with Turles or anything else.   And then Movie 5 goes on another camping trip,because I guess they still had camping stuff they hadn’t used the first time around.   Movies 1 and 2 had friggin’ musical interludes.  

The only exception I can think of is “Mystical Adventure”, which has a frantic pace very similar to “Fusion Reborn”, but I feel like that whole part set in Penguin Village was kind of a weird diversion, even if it did function as the climactic battle of the movie.      The point is that even if Veku was a big waste of storytelling time, it’s well inside the bounds for these movies.  And it’s not a waste of time, because this is part of the effort to master fusion.  

Anyway, when we last left Veku, he had fled Janemba to hide in what’s left of the Needle Mountain in Hell.  But now Janemba’s tracked him down.    To attack him, Big J uses a spike from the mountain and somehow transforms it with his weird powers, making it extend towards Veku like a spear.

It’s kind of hard to get this across with just screencaps, but you can tell by the look on Veku’s face that he’s in deep trouble. 

But then at the last possible instant, Veku’s fusion expires, and he splits into Goku and Vegeta, avoiding the impact.   

Janemba is shocked.      Maybe he didn’t realize Veku was his previous two opponents fused together?   Before he can figure this out, Goku and Geets sucker punch him and fly away,

I don’t know how smart Janemba is supposed to be, but by now he’s probably figured out that Goku and Vegeta are trying to combine together to keep fighting him.

As they run away, Vegeta is livid.   He didn;t like the idea of fusing with Goku in the first place, and that was when he thought it might actually work.  Then he goes through with it, and it ends up making them weaker.

Then King Kai contacts Goku telepathically, and explains how Vegeta screwed up the last part of the pose by not extending his fingers.   Goku’s all smiles, because now that they know what went wrong, they just need to try it again and it’ll work perfectly.

But Vegeta’s outraged that he would even suggest doing all of that a second time.   Bad enough that he had to do it once, and it nearly got them killed.  Well, they’re already dead, but you know what I mean.  Don’t you?   Look, Janemba’s not trying to tickle these two, that’s all that matters.

But they have to do it again, because this is still their only hope of winning.   They just need to get the pose right this time, because now there’s no margin of error.   

Trouble is, Janemba’s onto them now, and they can’t do the fusion dance because he keeps shooting ki blasts at them.   WIthout the element of surprise, or a decent place to hide, they won’t have time to fuse, properly or otherwise.

But then...!

Fuck yeah, Pikkon’s here!   I guess he sensed all the trouble they were having, or maybe the Kais asked him to run interference for Goku and Vegeta.  Yeah, that must be it, since he already knows what Goku is trying to do.

So Goku’s all grateful to Pikkon, and he thanks him as they move to a safe distance.

And I love this dirty look Vegeta gives Pikkon before he leaves.  “Look, I don’t know who you are, but you stay away from my rival, thot.”

So now it’s Pikkon vs. Janemba, and you’d think he’s screwed, right?  I mean, he got clobbered by Janemba’s first form earlier in the movie, so what good can he do against this red version?

Ah, but Pikkon knows exactly how to keep this guy off-balance, because he’s been dealing with Janemba’s barrier all this time, and so...

I’m pretty sure “mental defective” isn’t quite what Pikkon called him in Japanese, but verbal abuse is verbal abuse, and it works!  Janemba’s skin cracks up just like that barrier did.

I’m not quite sure what to make of this image.   Is this just shadow, or is the idea that Janemba is hollow on the inside, like a Faberge Egg?   I like that idea, even if it’s not what they had in mind.  Janemba’s made of the spiritual waste of a buttload of wicked souls.  For all his power, he’s just a shell of a person.   Maybe that’s why he’s vulnerable to harsh words.  He can’t stand being called out for what he is.

Then Pikkon shoots ki blasts at him, and I don’t understand that at all, because that didn’t do anything to the barrier, so why even try it on Janemba himself?  The insults were working, buddy.    Just call him a tiny-handed idiot and tell him his red trucker hat makes him look like an even bigger jackass than that stupid combover on his scalp.  Tell him that he’ll go down in history as a total joke, and he’ll rank among world leaders somewhere between the Roman Emperor who married his horse and the other Roman Emperor who clubbed amputees to death while pretending to be a gladiator.   Sorry, I got distracted there for a minute.

But Pikkon doesn’t do any of that, and I guess his harsh words are only effective enough to surprise Janemba, and maybe only hurt him a little bit.   Like the barrier around Yemma, Janemba seems able to withstand it to some degree, so he does the disassemble-y relocation trick, reappears behind Pikkon...

And boxes his ears!  Owwwwwww!  

But meanwhile! 

OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW?

Janemba would probably finish Pikkon off right here, except he’s seen that blinding light before, which means....

.... This thing!   What is it?  What does it mean?   I dunno! 

But then we see this badass mofo right here.    Who be bad now, Janemba?   WHO BE BAD NOW?

Pikkon looks over and sees that the fusion worked, and he breathes a sigh of relief as he passes out.  

So they did it.    Vegeta didn’t want to do this, but it worked.   Now he can defeat Janemba, but as part of Gogeta, not as himself.   There’s something kind of bittersweet about this, because there were no options for Vegeta to retain himself in this.  In death, he was doomed to lose his identity as a disembodied soul.   Restored as he was by Janemba’s tampering, he was too weak to fight Janemba on his own, which was the only thing that would have given his temporary resurrection any meaning.   He could have run away, or even helped Janemba to preserve his own existence, but doing that would betray his principles, and that would erase his identity too. 

The Saiyans are extinct.   Goku and Vegeta were the only ones left, and they’re both dead in this movie.   They’ve been dead for a while now, as far as I can tell.  But what they stood for, their ferocious martial skill and their boundless courage, will live on.   That’s what this is about for Vegeta.  He’s already gone, but he can at least see to it that someone can rise up to defeat a monster like Janemba.   If that warrior doesn’t exist, then he can at least fuse with Goku and create him. 

And when this is over, that’ll be it for Vegeta.     He’ll go back to hell, and eventually be reincarnated as a dolphin or something.    Eventually, even the legacy of Vegeta will fade from living memory, and no one will remember who and what he once was.   This moment can stand as a coda to his fleeting time in the universe.    Z stands for the end.  

But not yet.    Not yet.

Somehow, Goten and Trunks can sense their dead father’s fusion and it inspires them to do their own fusion.  I’m not sure why they didn’t just do this in the first place.  Given the crisis on Earth, maybe they didn’t want to risk using fusion early, in case they might be too tired to do it later.  

I also don’t understand why the boys need to go to these lengths to beat Hitler and his army of zombie Nazis, but they did it anyway.  Well now you got Gotenks, dummy.   Shoulda just stayed in the bunker.

Gogeta only gets a few lines in this movie.  Really, he doesn’t get a whole lot to say anywhere, because he has so few appearances.   This is his debut, of course, and then Toei brought him back for the fuck-finish of Dragon Ball GT.   Then he came back in 2018′s Dragon Ball Super: Broly, where he got a lot more time to shine, but it was after a 21-year drought.

Anyway, Janemba seems to know this is serious business, because he takes one look at Gogeta and powers up.

So other than promising to avenge Pikkon, all Gogeta has to say in the original script is this: I am neither Goku nor Vegeta!  I am the one who will destroy you!”  That’s how it was worded in Budokai 3, anyway.  

In the dub, Gogeta’s lines are a little different.   First he says “I am not Goku or Vegeta! I am Gogeta!   It’s over, Janemba. I’ve come for you!”   Then he says in this shot: “Every force you create has an echo.   Your own bad energy will be your undoing.”

I dunno, the lines are memorable enough that I managed to quote them without looking, but I would have preferred they stuck to the Japanese script more, mostly because Schemmel and Sabat sounded so cool playing Gogeta in Budokai 3.  That was the problem I had with the later Funimation dubs.   By 2004 I was playing video games that covered movies and GT episodes I hadn’t seen yet, and when Funi! finally adapted those scenes, they never seemed to hold up to the video game performances.  

In any event, I feel like there was a push at Funi! to have Gogeta a) identify himself for the audience, and b) provide some sort of explanation for what was about to happen next.   I’m not sure this was necessary.    Does it really matter if Gogeta says his own name?  Lobot was never identified in Empire Strikes Back, but I still know who he is.   As for the rest...

Well, these streaks of light jump from Gogeta and hit Janemba in the chest, leaving craters in his body.   At the same time, Gogeta slides forward, moving behind Janemba.

Then he just turns around and drives his knee into the back of his neck, twice.  Janemba manages to turn around, but he just eats a kick to the face for his trouble.

Then he raises his hand, and turns around to stare at Janemba, who doesn’t get it until...

Gogeta makes a glowy, sparkly ball with his hand.   Actually, Janemba seemed to sense this before it happened, so I guess he has some idea what’s going on here.

Now maybe this is some variation of the Spirit Bomb, perhaps combined with some technique of Vegeta’s.    All I know is that this ki ball shrinks and disappears, and then Gogeta closes his empty fist.    But there’s light coming out of the fist, so yeah. 

Anyway, it scares the hell out of Janemba, so he knows something’s up.

So he charges Gogeta, who throws his attack, but it just looks like harmless sparkles, and Janemba doesn’t even slow down once it hits him.

But you can see how nettled Janemba is.   He’s clearly afraid of Gogeta, for one reason or another.

When he closes the distance, he throws a punch, and it looks like it connects.    Gogeta doesn’t block it, and he doesn’t flinch.   Dude doesn’t even move. 

And for a moment, it looks like Janemba’s doing okay, and then he suddenly looks shocked, and his whole body begins to sparkle.

Then his back explodes.   Ouch.

In the games, this movie is called the Stardust Breaker, which I never totally understood until now.    The glowing orb always distracted me from the fact that the attack itself looks like stardust, and stardust explodes out of Janemba’s wound, and Janemba himself seems to dissolve into stardust.   The breaker part speaks for itself, though.

This shot confuses me, because it makes it look like Janemba’s fist never actually made contact with Gogeta’s face, although the previous screencap suggests otherwise.  Maybe Big J took a step backward after the attack got to him.   In any case, Gogeta ain’t hurt, and Janemba’s body is disintigrating.

All he can do is scream as he fades away.  

And Gogeta just watched like he knows exactly what’s going on.  

And then the Tank Clerk reappears.   Did Gogeta plan all of this, or is it just a lucky break?

Anyway, the Tank Clerk takes one look at Gogeta and runs in terror.   We can see from the scenery that things are already returning to normal.   All those jellybean things are gone.

And Gogeta seems amused by the Tank Clerk’s panic. The kid has no idea what just happened, and maybe that’s for the best.   So it’s a weird fight, and very short, but I think that’s what makes it so captivating.   We didn’t need a long martial arts clinic to put Janemba away.  The whole idea of this movie is that Janemba is this anomaly in creation, and that it would take something more than just a powerful warrior to beat him.   If punching were enough, Goku could have handled this on his own. 

This is why I’ve never been a big fan of Gogeta vs. Broly as a scenario, because no matter how strong Broly is, he’s still one Saiyan, so having Goku and Vegeta combine into this otherworldly character to beat one Saiyan kind of cheapens the concept.    It should be reserved for villains like Janemba, Omega Shenron, and Majin Buu, who demonstrate bizarre powers that defy reality. 

This is also why I’m not crazy about the dub’s effort to explain the Gogeta/Janemba fight.   It sort of defies explanation.  What makes Gogeta look so awesome here is that he not only beat Janemba in a few seconds, but he seemed to know exactly what he was doing the entire time.  It’s like his fused mind could sense exactly where and how to strike.   Why did he bother kicking Janemba in the neck?   Was that somehow part of his offensive, or was he just getting his measure?   We’ll never know.    That’s what makes it so cool.  Gogeta���s a man of mystery.   In thirty minutes, he won’t even exist anymore.

I think a lot of Gogeta’s mystique was calculated as a response to Gotenks.  When Goku first spoke of Fusion in the main story, he seemed confident that if he could fuse with Gohan or Vegeta, they would beat Majin Buu easily.  But that would be a fusion of adult Super Saiyans.   Gotenks is a kid, and the results haven’t been as great.   So this movie sort of shows what Goku originally had in mind.   With greater experience, Gotenks could eventually reach the same heights...

But as a kid, he’s limited to bizarre techniques based on whatever he thinks is cool.    Which is why he’s doing the Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack again, only this time with 100 ghosts instead of one or ten.

And it works.  The ghosts blow up all the bad guys, but it’s only a hint of the incredible things Gogeta is capable of. 

Thirty minutes later, the fusion expires, and hell looks like it’s back to normal, right down to the bloody pond.   Vegeta smiles at Goku and tells him he never wants to do that again, but somehow you can tell he doesn’t quite mean that.   It reminds me of his farewell to Future Trunks in Dragon Ball Super, where he says he never wants to see him again.   It’s not that he hates the guy, it’s more that he wants Trunks to become strong enough to handle his own problems without having to use the time machine to get help.    Likewise, in this movie, the only way Vegeta could ever return to fuse with Goku is if another Janemba popped up, and he doesn’t want that to happen.

Goku says he’ll see Vegeta “later”.   I don’t know if that’s supposed to be ironic or if Goku’s just not thinking, or maybe he’s got some faint hope that Vegeta will return somehow and Goku will meet him again somehow, some way.

Anyway, Vegeta fades out, which is kind of sad, but the smile on his face is a nice consolation.

And all the dead people on Earth fade out the same way.    So that takes care of that.

King Yemma’s back in business, and all is right with the universe once again.

Videl and the boys head back after a long day of punching the undead.   They don’t know what happened or why, but at least it’s over.   But Goten and Trunks claim to know who saved the day.   I guess they figure their fathers fixed things in Otherworld, since they could sense them fusing.

But they won’t tell, I guess just to mess with Gohan and Videl.   So why couldn’t Gohan sense Gogeta’s ki if Goten and Trunks could?   Oh, right, he was making out with Videl the whole time.  

Anyway, Gohan chases the boys, anxious to learn their secret, and Videl gets flustered because they’re leaving her behind.   This background is gorgeous.  

Oh my gosh this is such a good movie.This scene doesn’t even matter and it’s still beautiful.

So that wraps things up, right?    Wrong.   There’s just one last piece of business...

No one made any wishes, so Shenron’s still waiting patiently in Bulma’s front yard.  D’oh!

And then the credits roll, including this shot of Goku from Movie 8, for some reason.

I posted caps from the credits earlier, but hot damn I like these.   And the ending theme is just magnificent.   This is such a good-ass movie.   No wasted motion, villain shows up in the first ten minutes, and there’s tons of stuff going on that’s all tied into the main plot, so the supporting characters can get their hero moments in without getting in the way of the main players.   There’s tons of action, plenty of comedy, and the visuals are gorgeous from start to finish.   

The only complaint I could possibly have is that it’s too short.  A story like this could have easily been expanded into a 90 minute film, or even longer.  You could have Goku and Vegeta botch a second fusion attempt, or just pad out the fights that are already in the story, or add some other characters running around dealing with the dead villains.    Piccolo and Krillin fight Dr. Gero or something.   Dabura and Broly try to gang up on Gohan and he gets some bloody satisfaction.  Shoot, have Videl beat up some Red Ribbon Army guys.   By now she’s probably strong enough to take most of them.    And of course, Tiencha vs. Perfect Cell.  

But you know, as a 50-minute affair, this thing rocks.   I’ve sat through movies three times as long that weren’t even a third as good.    It’s just so good.    Ahhh...

Bravo.

[dwaynepride]

Silence Broke The Levees

When Tammy is stabbed and rushed into surgery, reader tries to be strong in the wake of frayed nerves and a quiet hospital room. / tammy and breaks down in front of them pleas?? 

Words: 1,715

Warnings: a knife wound

Tags: @tammy-gregorio @pageofultron @stanathanxoox @starryrevelations @thebeckyjolene @diaryofafan17 @specialagentlokitty

Notes: I didn’t plan on this being a oneshot but the gay gods shined their light down upon me for this angst

The hard knot twisting your stomach tight can’t possibly be as painful as whatever Tammy is feeling right now.

God, you feel guilty for even thinking that the knot hurts. It’s surely nothing compared to the feeling of knife in your gut. Having a sharp, serrated piece of metal stabbed into the soft bit of your stomach, right below the ribs.

Tammy’s lucky she made it to the hospital. Screw Pride and his ‘the knife didn’t hit anything important.’ Did he see how much blood there was? Did he hear Tammy trying to talk and breath? Her little yelps of pain that she tried to keep muffled because she’s so damn tough, but the pain was obviously too much. Those sounds still echoed around in your head and they won’t go away.

Pacing back and forth in the waiting area, you tried to focus your thoughts on the last interaction you had with Tammy before the stabbing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t anything miraculous or romantic. You both just sat next to each other at breakfast, conversing with the rest of the team about the current case. She asked you to pass the syrup and you handed it over without a word. You didn’t even tell her you loved her today.

That’ll change. You’ll tell her every chance you get.

And you’ll make her wear a vest more often. Tammy wouldn’t have gotten stabbed if she wore a damn vest. If it can stop a bullet, it can stop a knife-

“Y/N, dear.”

Loretta’s voice cuts into your frantic thoughts. Makes your head whip up from staring at the ground, watching your feet walk back and forth. And Loretta doesn’t seem worried. At least, not as worried as you thought she outta be. “What?” You asked her flatly.

“You’re making me dizzy, all that pacing around. Sit down before you wear a hole in the floor,” Loretta says, her hand patting the chair beside hers.

Sit down? She wants you to sit down when Tammy could be bleeding to death? You shake your head, arms crossing over your chest while staring at the double doors she disappeared through.

You hear Loretta sigh before she stands and comes up next to you. One of her hands is on your shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. Somehow, it does make you feel better. If only a little. “She’s going to be fine, you know.”

“And how can you be so sure?” Your attention whips back to the coroner, eyebrows drawn low. And you don’t mean to be so negative with her, but how could she be certain? “You didn’t see how much Tammy was bleeding. When people lose that much blood...”

Your voice trails off, not having the will to finish the sentence.

But Loretta caught on to what you’re saying. And her hand squeezes your shoulder just a little harder. “I know because she’s strong, and she has someone like you waiting for her after surgery,” she says calmly. And you wished so hard that you could believe her.

Your attention drifted from Loretta when those double doors opened back up, and an older-looking doctor came walking through. His gloves and coat had some blood smeared on it, but not a lot. That was a good thing, right? You couldn’t help but hold your breath as he neared, wanting to meet him halfway but your legs didn’t seem to want to work.

“Are you both here for Agent Gregorio?”

You nod viciously, and your feet finally find it within themselves to take a step closer. “Is she okay? Did she...”

Dammit. Again with not being able to finish a whole sentence before the fear takes over.

But the doctor gives a little smirk. And his head is nodding. “Oh, she’s fine. The stab wound wasn’t too deep. It nicked one of her intestines, so we had to repair the damage....”

His words faded out of existence. You saw his mouth moving. Felt Loretta hug your arm and pat your shoulder. But everything was mostly just white noise. Nothing had any substance, as if the air was sucked out of the room so sound couldn’t travel.

Tammy was fine.

That’s all you needed to hear.

“Can I see her?”

Your question brought sound back to the world. Almost all at once, so you winced a little when a nurse called something out across the hall.

The doctor nods again. “She’s asleep right now, and if she wakes up, she’ll probably be a little out of it. But you’re more than welcome to wait by her bedside.”

He walks away, and you don’t move for a few moments after he does. Not until Loretta gives you a small push toward the doors. When you look back to her, she’s smiling wide. Eyes full of relief that Tammy really was okay, and you knew you should look the same. You were still a little numb, though. “Go on. Go to her. I’ll call Dwayne and everybody else,” she says before motioning away.

Your feet take slow steps. And then normal ones. By the time you’re through the double doors and closing in on Tammy’s room, you’re nearly jogging.

Her door comes up, and your shoes make a sharp sound against the tile at your sudden stop. The blinds are drawn and the door is closed all the way; you remember the doctor saying she was asleep. You’ll have to be quiet, because the last thing you’re going to do is wake her up. Not when she needs all the rest she can get.

The door handle is freezing cold, but you grip and turn it anyway. Pushing the door open slowly until you see Tammy laying there, blanketed in stark white sheets, connected to a bunch of wires. As much as it was a relief to hear her heartbeat on the monitor, she just seemed so...small in that bed. Fragile, almost. Her skin paler than it outta be because of the blood loss, and it looks no better under hospital lights.

Carefully, you shut the door behind you and make your way to her bedside. And honestly, you expect Tammy to wake up any moment. Blink her eyes open and look at you and spout some smart comment about how you worried for nothing. That you look terrible with that messy hair and red eyes with tear streaks going down your cheeks. Right now, you’d take anything you can get.

She stays asleep, though. And she does look peaceful, despite her worrying appearance.

You fall into the chair sitting beside her bed, and you’re just silent. What should you be doing? Talking to her? No, she was just sleeping, not in a coma. Loretta was calling the rest of the team. And you didn’t exactly have the nerve to pull out your phone and try to busy yourself with it. Maybe you should go for a walk or something. Or maybe call Sebastian, because he outta be just as worried as you were-

Something fell down your cheek; warm and wet and pulling your attention away from Tammy for a moment. Your hand went up to wipe it away quickly. Why the hell were you still crying? Tammy was fine. Alive. You can hear her heart monitor, and if you looked up, her chest would be rising and falling with each breath.

And yet, you were crying again. Another tear fell down your cheek before you hastily wiped that one away, too. No, you weren’t going to cry at Tammy’s bedside. You had to be strong, in case she woke up. She might be confused and disorientated and even a little scared...

Dammit. The tears kept coming, and there was no stopping them. A hurricane of shock and frayed nerves stormed inside of you and the levees of your willpower finally burst under the heavy silence. Your elbows hit your knees, face buried in your hands to try and muffle the crying as best as you can. But it was hard, and it’s not like there was anything in the room to drown it out.

If only Tammy was awake right now. If only you could talk to her. If only-

“Hey, why’re you crying?”

Her voice was strained and tired, but undeniably Tammy’s. And as much as you wanna burst out of your chair and get as close as possible, you’re still crying like a child. So you lift your head only enough to see her out of your hands, still trying to stem the crying and wipe the tears away. “I dunno,” you answer her truthfully. The tears came without warning.

She blinks tiredly, inhaling deeply and shifting just enough so she can better face you and your tear-soaked face. “I’m fine. Don’t worry,” she mumbles. And as weak as she looks, she still manages to hold out a hand. Fingers beckoning for yours.

You use the sleeve of your shirt to wipe some tears before reaching out and gripping her hand tightly. It went a long way in assuring that she really was okay, but the tears kept coming. “I was so scared. There was so much blood, Tammy. And I was waiting for so long; nobody would tell me anything. I didn’t know what to do.” Well, so much for being strong. You babbled out the words while the tears kept falling, unable to hold them back.

Tammy didn’t seem to mind, though. She was so much stronger than you; Loretta was right about that. You were so ready to be the strong one here. To be there for Tammy if she needed you. It never occurred to you that the situation would be reversed.

Her hand squeezed yours, albeit weaker than normal. “It’s gonna take a lot more than a knife to take me away.” Her voice is tired, but so firm in that belief that you had no choice but to believe it.

You take a shaky breath and nod your head. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I love you. I love you so much.”

Tammy’s lips pull up at your words. Her eyes were half-lidded, like she was about to fall asleep any moment. And that was okay, because the tears were starting to dry up, and you told you that you loved her.