#and tbh i get it like its liberating to be able to tell people what you think

[oldbaton]

me deciding to blog about my inner sexuality doesn't mean y'all get to act out. sometimes I get messages that i would straight up punch someone for.

[wild-at-mind]

'They’re like the drunk guy at the bar who can’t use the right words but is a better ally then the liberal college educated scum bag.' No one loves making fun of the 'liberal college educated scumbag' like a right winger so I guess this is where the right and this kind of leftist finally agree. A happy day. :')

[jyndor]

You’re so right about West Papua. Javanese colonizers are in the comments of the original tweet like “you don’t understand, these guys were arrested because they had weapons :( “ while celebrating the Palestinian right to armed resistance. You can’t say that you stand against genocide while ignoring or justifying the one that you happen to benefit from. The West Papuans should be able to resist Indonesian colonization in any way they see fit.

anon, this is one of the most bitter truths about all this, and I'm sorry I don't want to speak out of turn but I think perhaps for a lot of people in the west it can be odd to realize that for many people in the world Palestine is an issue that transcends ideology for the most part.

so even though we in the so-called west are used to solidarity with Palestinians being a leftist thing because ain't no centrist or conservative here giving a shit about them, that's not the norm globally.

obviously the Arab and Islamic worlds are largely in solidarity because they see Arabs and Muslims having been colonized by a western proxy, a settler colonial project that is also very hostile to most of them, even though of course Palestinians are not oppressed because they are Muslim (and Christian) but because they are Palestinians. and Palestine is very diverse - many people racialized in many ways. and as we see with the treatment of Sudanese people in Egypt and other largely non-Black Arab countries, people may hold onto solidarity with one group sincerely while failing another group going through similar brutality.

I think conversations like this are best left to communities to have because they have a better understanding of their communities and these issues than I ever could, but also if we are going to ally ourselves with anti-colonial struggles for self-determination and liberation, that means ALL of them. all peoples, all cultures, no matter what what the governments occupying their homes and oppressing them are doing for Palestine or any other oppressed people.

I am so happy that so many countries are standing up for Palestinians but let's not be fooled into thinking they're just doing it because they care about liberation period - if they do at all, it is because of internal pressure from their peoples. I appreciate South Africa's work on this matter and the decades of solidarity they have had with Palestinians - but South Africa abstained from a vote condemning Russia for its annexation and invasion of Ukraine, which notably puts indigenous Crimean Tatars at significant risk. this is about geopolitics of course, not just morality... and people need to understand that.

a lot of the global south has been... not terribly great on this issue, and I mean I get it because Ukraine hasn't exactly fostered great solidarity with the global south but tbh if people are going to care about liberation, anti-imperialism and indigenous rights it really should not matter if for once the US is actually on the right side of that issue, which is really what it comes down to lbr. Ukraine is a western, white-racialized country that has benefited from white European supremacy (never gonna forget that English reporter going ~bUt ThIs iS EuRoPe~~~ lol) and that is not something that can or should be overlooked by supporters of Ukrainian self-determination as it often is. and then there's the overwhelming support for Israel from Ukraine, which is abhorrent and I know there is also support for Palestine there too. But it's very telling that when push comes to show, that solidarity is lacking.

when it comes to Indonesia and West Papuans, there is no room for ambiguity - it is genocide, it is colonialism, it is occupation. one thing I have learned through this is that cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug.

people BELIEVE there is a real substantive difference between whatever resistance movement they support and whatever groups that their own governments are oppressing, or that are not geopolitically "aligned" with their politics. as if their politics shouldn't be informed by liberation PERIOD.

every time there is a big post about multiple genocides/atrocities in general, there's always people in the comments going "Well actualllyyyyy x is not being genocided because y" and it's like... how do you know that? how do you know that the uyghur cultural genocide* is not happening???? we literally say all the time that genocide doesn't always mean the complete murder of every single person in a group, why are we being like this??? cultural genocide is genocide, and it can easily escalate into mass murder. how is this up for fucking debate.

anyway, I have to go to work but yeah anon I get it. people need to unlearn nationalism and learn how to critically engage with their governments' histories. all of us. sorry it's coming from a us american but I think I know a little something about that.

*I understand the US is full of shit on this and has pushed some propaganda but that does not mean I do not have solidarity with the Uyghurs.

[edge-oftheworld]

one thing that really got me about last night was luke made this offhand comment about how the last time he was at the venue he was 17 and not allowed onto the floor. which sure is weird and restrictive when you’re performing but also rules are rules (and I know what our regulations on underage drinking are and the consequences for venues) so idk that’s a conversation for youth liberation and the existence of child stars in general

but that got me thinking, annie came down to the merch table after her set and we all met her and I freaked her out with my retro cd burning habits and we bonded over the suburbs we grew up in even though I’m pretty sure we both forgot each other’s. and yeah she’s the opener when we’re all here for luke and she’s trying to build a fan base. but would luke have wanted to come down and meet the crowd like a local artist after playing a gig often does if he could?

I know fans go a bit crazy over luke especially and he doesn’t seem to have figured out how to interact in ways that dissipate the collective mania. and I can’t be the one to judge either of those things but it got me thinking about how it’s a whole decade later and he’s well past the age of anyone telling him what to do; but in some ways he does seem just as restricted in the venue as when he was 17. and I don’t know if he’d actually like to meet fans (ashton I’m pretty sure would, calum and michael have their moments, I think he’d just be scared tbh) but like. if your opener is able to have that option, wouldn’t it be nice if you did too?

and yeah he’s a bigger artist and whatever he’s made a living out of this for years years and has hits with the band and he’s a heartthrob or whatever. but I do wonder if the beauty of being actually a smaller artist is that you’re able to genuinely connect over your songs a lot more and not have to deal with the fan mania and love confessions and people who don’t understand consent? I just wish sometimes that the thank-you’s we had to cram into a few words on a sign could be genuine natural conversations (especially after he’s written a whole album about feeling lonely while on tour after an album he had no idea would be relatable because its content is the kind of thing you feel like no one else gets in the moment). and idk but maybe if you’re not much freer at 28 than 17 that might not help?

I’ve got my criticisms of celebrity as a concept and I loved meeting other fans even if I can’t relate one bit to how horny some of them were. but it seems to me we had this great opportunity to take some hard experiences, with a person who’s incredibly talented in that they’re able to turn them into such beautiful art, and just all kinda convince each other it might not be the exact same for all of us but when we feel like we’re alone that’s absolutely not true. share stories and catharsis. but instead the one person in that building who was possibly the least free to do that was luke himself.

there’s only so much validation you can get from songs being sung back to you surely especially with their personal vulnerable nature. like yeah he’s said it’s great and unexpected but I also don’t think he’s expected a single good thing in his life so it’s possible that’s not hard to achieve? it’s just a weird juxtaposition between the beautiful heartbreaking songs (and it’d be worse if he didn’t cut bloodline and cetfy) and then it’s like. he’s doing a shoey. he’s nervously rambling on about state of origin going for a lighthearted insult and accidentally revealing an insecurity about something women in sport like myself have long fought to be a false binary. just someone give that man a hug and one that’s not gonna freak him out how did we ever create a social environment where that’s impossible?

[majorbaby]

we might want some joy or victory by the end of ‘glass onion’ and that’s what we get - sort of.

major spoilers beneath cut

andi is dead. helen still lost her sister, who it sounds like she'd drifted apart from in the years leading up to her death, as andi chose to ‘see the good’ in a group of shitheads who eventually turned their back on her. And who would have continued to lie even to cover up her murder had helen not ended the main source of their wealth. Which, btw, is weirdly* framed as a redeeming moment for said shitheads, despite the fact that had miles not been ruined by helen’s actions, they wouldn’t have turned their back on him, even with the knowledge that he’d murdered andi and stood to kill even more people by letting a dangerous project move forward. nothing happens that indicates to me that they won’t just latch onto the next golden teat they can find and make all the same immoral decisions again. 

*not that weird, done intentionally i think. the movie really walks a fine line trying to make the shitheads (~the disrupters~) condemnable while still somewhat likeable - i think we are to believe that that these might be good people who have fallen prey to the allure of wealth so as to not be too alienated by them. duke fits the stereotype of the guy that terminally online liberals love to hate - deeply insecure, red-pill-conspiracy-theorist-shilling, cuck-fantasy-having beefcake - and that’s why he gets the on-screen death. as an audience, we might raise our eyebrows if it was instead lionel or claire or birdie who dies.

it isn't intended to be a downer ending, because helen does get her revenge and what a cathartic moment it is to see miles' empire destroyed by her and the curtain pulled back on miles’ hip prodigy persona by blanc - something that is lightly foreshadowed very early on during the zoom call between lionel and the board. i like that the implied to be morally grey ‘eccentric genius’ character (miles) turns out to be exactly what the board suspects he might be: a dick. 

helen is right all along when she says “But I knew who they were, and I told her what they were. Shitheads” (she is still right about this by the end, even though, as i said, the movie does try to soften the other characters) when even blanc gives miles too much credit, assuming that he (miles) wouldn’t be stupid enough to kill andi. 

back to what i meant for this post to be about: i understand why this movie wants to be a happy ending, but it isn’t. there’s catharsis, there’s revenge, there’s a badass slow-mo sequence of helen burning down the old boy’s club rather than joining its ranks - which is the mistake that andi makes that ultimately gets her killed. there’s a fun, brief exchange between blanc and helen. there’s the final shot where we’re meant to understand that helen is the mysterious, priceless, wondrous, never duplicated (despite being an identical twin) work of art, the mona lisa - a modest third-grade teacher from alabama, grieving her sister. 

it’s a movie. it’s a fun movie and the audience, myself included, has a certain expectation of this kind of story. but we actually do see the more plausible ending to this story - the bad guy wins - on two occasions:

first, when andi loses the company. duke lays this out pretty well when andi/helen asks for “the truth” and he tells her, ”you’re the loser” - which is truer than he realizes because he doesn’t know that andi is dead. she had the evidence in her hand to win back her company and it didn’t help her at all, it just gets her killed. perhaps she would’ve died sooner if she’d been able to find it before the court case. 

and a second time: after helen/andi summons incredible courage to go to the extreme lengths it takes for her to find the piece of evidence that will this time not only prove that andi was cheated, but also implicate miles in andi’s and duke’s respective murders. that is, until miles burns it up before her very eyes, which, tbh, i think she should’ve been prepared for, because he’d already killed two people to try to stop that evidence from coming to light. 

those are the true, bleak endings. you can have all the facts and evidence on your side, you can be objectively in the right, you can be ethically in the right, you can be right in the eyes of the law and the eyes of god - but the rich and the powerful hold all the cards and everything is stacked against you. they write the rules and then they move the goal posts when they’ve been outplayed. nothing short of burning the whole stadium down can get you the win, and even if you do win, you still lost something invaluable, that can never be replaced. 

[cielospeaks]

it would be just. pure and utter fanservice. but

aime getting taros-style possessed by different allegrofaces in the unnamed crossover thing, and kinda being out of sorts the whole time (the focus is on kind of “lost souls finding their way home” which. to be fair is literally every one of my aus/stories/etc. but this ones focusing on being able to work through trauma to be able to live a somewhat fulfilling life in specific)

which under cut bc it can get rambly. i think is uh. lacking. in a lot of media at least thats been popular recently. ok ill say it im salty at f h and its consumer fans for acting like trauma is just something that can be “erased”. like (x character) being literally murdered by their parental figure but hey theyre wearing colorful clothing that means they have no depression now, or (y character) being tortured so hard that her “heart” went away and was basically a weapon, only to regain a slight bit of happiness after being spared by two people and befriended by another, but haha now lets make her act ooc and speak in full sentences and the fandom acts like “lol she has no depression now” its not that fucking simple you assholes.

anyways i think the whole main cast are both reflections of canon characters that have trauma and also their own thing, i noticed when writing up the bios. kr vel is very sal energy, like sal he’s partly a spiteful, violent person and partly someone who accepted responsibility and was the better person in a hard situation, and because of this merging he doesnt like to accept praise as being for him, since he attributes it to his “better half” but now theyre the same person. idk its hard to explain. i think its a bit fantastical but it is relatable i think to some extent to me personally. tbh i think its a feeling that anyone whos ever been objectified for like. one talent or skill and then hated once they showed other sides of themselves can feel. you like. have trust issues of whether people are being kind to you because they only know that side or whatever.

for laurie, shes similar to ai, she lost someone she was extremely close to (in laurie’s case her rival) and feels a lot of survivor guilt plus a feeling of wanting to sacrifice herself, but she tries to maintain a giving and optimistic personality on top of this. like she still thinks shed be better off dead/erased and still feels immensely guilty abt what happened to her rival.

for the allegros i think its a mixed bag. this was the only option for them that lead to all of them surviving, but its not the best. i mostly wanted ana to tell off someone or tell off the sort of trope at least, bc i feel like ana would tell off a divinity that tries to use people for selfish reasons, but would also tell off equally so any humans that claimed to be liberators and heroes when they actually just wanted to usurp said divinity in manipulating others. ana is a good boy. best boy. i also think ana possessing aime and doing a saisho kara saisho made climax daze would be hilarious (he instantly gets the copyright bonk w laurie)

tuley is more of a mentor to these idiots (affectionate). she can see theyre going through a lot and can sympathize but she also needs them to get their shit together also.

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

the hues of an empty sky

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there's one thing Jay's leant over the last few weeks, it's that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a 'they tell everyone about the erased timeline' fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don't actually tell the other what exactly they're alluding to the whole time' fic that I wrote at like one am- 

Also yeah, I realized too late that they split up to look for Wu after s7, we’re just gonna pretend that they waited a few days or something, idk anymore tbh, lol.

(I also didn't have time to edit - so please tell me where the typos are? 😂💛)

Word count: 4539

Prompt: crying, from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Trigger warnings: the main character has a panic attack, and squeezes their fingernails into their hands once or twice but I think that's it.

*facepalms* also, guys, i’m so stupid - i literally just realized that this freaking CHANGES TENSE HALFWAY OHMYGOSH I-  i don’t think it’s super noticeable, but ugh, apologies to anyone who actually thought my writing was good lol-

---

It's cold.

Bitterly, freezing cold.

The biting chill of the air is a bit strange for this time of year, but, heck, that's nowhere near the craziest thing that's ever happened to him - not by a long shot.

He sighs, squinting at the stars dotted liberally against the black canvas of the sky.

Cole had once joked that one of them might be the remains of their golden weapons, after they'd hurled the burning mass into the sky - in another alternate timeline; one that only existed in the memories of a certain few.

Gosh - that seemed like such a long time ago.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time, when he'd still thought that their powers were the coolest thing ever - instead of despising them for all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with them? When one of his biggest worries was whether the girl he had a crush on liked him back - not wondering if his friends would survive the night?

"I did not expect to find you awake at this hour, Jay."

Reflexivity, he jumps back, his mind twisting his friend's gentle voice into the- the djin's triumphant, accented one.

You're supposed to be a ninja. What good are you if your friends can still sneak up on you?

"Geez, warn a guy before you sneak up on him! I almost fell off the Bounty!"

"My apologies. I was... surprised to find you awake at this hour," Zane answers. "What are you doing?" "Couldn't sleep. It's too cold," he confesses, not entirely a lie. Ninjago wasn't 'that' far from the Sea of Sand, but he'd grown up in a much warmer area - unfortunately resulting in his practically nonexistent tolerance to the cold. That never failed to stop Kai from teasing him about it, though. He doesn't mention the pressing weight on his chest, almost tangible - or how it constantly makes him feel. Like he's being dragged through the darkness of an empty sky, spikes of fear making everything so freaking terrifying- "You?"

"I have been analyzing my memories of Pixal, in the hope that it may lead me to her whereabouts. However, all my efforts have proved... unsuccessful," Zane answers wearily, shifting his gaze to the sky.

Oh- oh. They'd all be so caught up in the chaos of the last few weeks - hey, it's not like any of them had asked the universe to permanently be out to get them! - that they'd forgotten Pixal was still offline.

"Hey, I'm sure that she's still there somewhere," he says, earnestly. "After all - she wouldn't be your girlfriend if she didn't pull a vanishing act every now and again, eh?"

The question is punctuated with a laugh, but he doesn't say that he's a little worried about her too. They hadn't talked much, but-

I can't see one of my best friends find out that his girlfriend is dead, a quiet voice at the back of his mind points out. Well - been there, done that, wouldn't recommend, he thinks bitterly. Emotional breakdowns and frequent nightmares apply. Anxiety attacks are half off, too!

It's quiet for a few minutes, neither of them seeing a need to break the silence. The wind blows softly through the sails above them; gray wisps of cloud revealing a pale sliver of moonlight that paints the sky in its glow.

It should be a peaceful night: beautiful, calm, no one trying to kill them or destroy their city - for a change.

His hands won't stop shaking.

It should be a peaceful night, but, as usual, the world is too freaking unfair for that-

He hasn't even slept for a full night in weeks! Well, not since- since-

Don't think about it! That's only going to make it worse, duh-

"Are you alright, Jay?"

"Yeah- I- I'm good, thanks," he says quickly, ignoring the way his breathing keeps speeding up. FSM, not this-

Not for the first time, the world suddenly becomes too loud - too much. Every little thing, from trying to breathe properly or even walk- feels insurmountable, because, gosh, oh gosh, it's going to come crashing down if he even moves-

The memory starts off the same as it always does.

Rubble strewn over the temple grounds, his friends literally reduced to nothing more than statues. A shot that hit the mark perfectly, but perfectly shattered his world in the process.

A poison-splattered dress, a terrifying realization.

Her well-aimed joke, but one that never fails to sting every time. Gosh, why hadn't they just allowed her to join their team in the first place? Maybe they could've prevented this- this- whole situation, if they hadn't been so freaking egotistical-

And, again, he's overwhelmed by the sheer sense of helplessness, all his power and training and skills completely useless to one of the people he cared most about. FSM, if only I hadn't used my first w-request so carelessly! If only I'd been able to escape- or, or if only I'd been able to assemble the team faster! If only-

Despite being in what must've been unimaginable pain, she offers a strained smile - a sweet gesture that, ironically, feels like she's poisoning him, because- because FSM, this is all so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this-

He watches with horror as her eyes dull and she stills in his arms.

She's gone, FSM, she's gone and it's all my fault-

"Jay?" a voice asks, concern evident in their tone. Distantly, he registers that he's having a breakdown in front of one of his best friends - one of the things he'd been trying really hard to avoid.

Dang it.

"I-" he tries to say, but, great, he's breathing too fast to even get the stupid words out.

"Breathe in for four seconds," Zane says, softly.

Four seconds? Time has no meaning right now, narrowed down to, like - falling down a chasm, terrified of what's at the bottom, except the fear's all around, this- this... foreboding thing of his mind that keeps yelling that he needs to run, or fight, but he can't, can't-

Right. Four seconds.

You're okay, you're fine, no one's trying to hurt you or your friends. She's not dead.

But what if- what if they're being dragged out of this ship right now? What if it was all a dream, and she's dead anyway, because all of us were too stupid to come up with another plan, and none of us could even do anything when she-

After a little while, when he could breathe a little easier, and the fear didn't feel like it was slamming into him from every possible direction, he slowly opened his eyes. Shakily, he wiped a tear from his face - as if that would wipe away all the weeks that had, theoretically, never even freaking happened.

The sky comes back into focus - pinpricks of light against pitch black. 

How was he going to come up with some sorta explanation without... well, explaining everything?

Great.

My nerves are frayed, and I have to lie to a walking lie detector - what could possibly go wrong?

"Are you alright?" Zane asks, his brows creased in concern.

"Heh heh, yeah. Probably just too many video games," he replies quickly, laughter a bit strained.

"You were muttering to yourself," his friend replies quietly. Ugh, trust the way-too-observant-nindroid to call him out on the remains of his facade. "If you do not mind me asking, what was 'all your fault'? I am sure that it was probably a misunderstanding."

You're the one who misunderstands everything, he thinks wearily, ignoring the part of him that yearns to tell someone else about... well, everything that's happened because of that stupid teapot. He's not one to keep secrets by nature, and it's been taking a bigger toll of him than he'd thought it would. Is this how Nya felt when she was still the Samurai? "It's- it's nothing, probably just nonsense."

"Are you sure? You seem... quite worried about something."

Dang it, were his hands still shaking? He presses his fingernails into his palms, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

He's talking to one of his best friends, FSM. Weren't friends able to tell each other anything?

"Do you think it's easier to forget? Better?"

He didn't even realize he'd asked a question until Zane's eyes widened in surprise.

A forest coated in snow, ice crystals dangling from the tree branches above their heads. Plenty of screaming - way too much, he reflects, couldn't they have been a bit nicer? It must've been pretty jarring to learn that you weren't human, or that your father had erased years of your life from your mind - in that weird underground treehouse. Those crazy tree monsters - and the realization that they all had much more power than they'd thought.

"N- nevermind," he stutters, fleetingly thinking of kicking the deck. "That's way too personal, you don't have to answer it-"

"I do not mind," Zane says, a bit sadly.

Oh.

Heck, his friend was way too nice.

They gaze up at the stars for a few minutes, not really seeing them - one drowning under the weight of too many secrets, the other, too many memories.

It's quiet - too quiet.

Ugh, he thinks, sighing, that sounds like something a low-budget horror movie would start with, cringey sound effects to match.

But the silence is a painful reminder of the days he'd spent tossing and turning in a cramped cell - nothing but his worries and the bruises on his leg from that stupid ball and chain keeping him awake.

He's been trying hard - maybe too hard - to avoid being alone, avoid being in a situation where they've gotta be quiet ever since then, because, dang it, his memories always seem to fill the silence, and they're always far more terrifying than they should be-

It's easier, in a way, to be mocked for his stupid jokes than it is to relive a single moment from those nightmarish few weeks.

Almost reflexively, he grasps for something to fill the quiet.

"Heh, this is a bit awkward. It's okay if you wanna leave-"

"I do not mind," Zane echoes, walking a bit closer. "It is not as if I need to sleep. But... I do not quite know what to think of your question."

There comes the answer - or a semblance of one at least, and it's the last thing he'd been expecting.

"You don't know?" he blurts out before he can even think of trying to filter the thought. Way to treat your friend who's been nothing but kind to you, Jay. "But you're- you're a nindroid! You know everything-"

"Pixal," his friend mutters softly, sighing, and the hurt, the fear, laced through the word makes something in his heart practically twist. He knows all too well what it feels like to be in that situation - even if, technically, it had never happened.

Then- "I wish that were true. But I suppose that my emotions make certain situations much more complicated than... than they need to be. Thus I cannot give my perspective on this - or, at least, without sounding quite conflicted."

"You know that you're allowed to be conflicted, right? Even the coolest Nindroids don't know everything."

"...Yes, I suppose so."

Jay frowns at the almost subconscious hesitation, eyebrows creasing in concern.

"Seriously," he starts earnestly. They're both leaning on one of the railings just above the deck now. "Just 'cause you're a nindroid doesn't mean that you've gotta chase some kind of perfection that doesn't even exist."

He doesn't miss how Zane's eyes widen in shock, their bright blue hue glowing a little brighter - and heck, if that doesn't hurt even more than the earlier realization.

"Besides - it's not like none of us haven't made mistakes before. Hate to go all Wu on ya, but they help us learn or some stupid thing like that. Even if the mistake is trying not to make 'em, you know?"

"Thank you," Zane replies, a tired smile on his face. "Even the most advanced tech is susceptible to error, I suppose."

They've all made lots of mistakes, heaven forbid if one of them is still agonizing over messing up over the crazy situations the universe constantly put them in. It's not like they were told they'd have to face more ancient evil armies than they could count, were they?

Maybe it's time to stop focusing on events that never even happened, and pay more attention to your friends. What's the point of being part of this team if you're always scared or selfish?

"Shut up," he mumbles, rubbing his temples. What's the point of fighting if your own brain is gonna fight you whenever it gets a chance? A few seconds later, he schools his face back into his default anxious grin. "Great, cause I- I- could use your advice on something." "Alright," comes the quiet reply, his friend seemingly lost in thought.

"What if you wanted to tell someone something, but you couldn't?"

His breathing starts to speed up again, but he grips the deck until his fingers are practically bruised, stark white against his tanned skin. Not this time-

"Is this what you were referring to earlier? An event that you blamed yourself for?" Zane asks, eyes flitting between the floor and the sky.

Dang it, way too observant as usual. He masks his surprise with a laugh, but the conversation definitely isn't going as planned and, oh gosh oh gosh, what if-

No, there's no way that any of them would even believe that. Besides - no one can remember stuff that they've forgotten, especially if magic's at play.

"Yeah, kinda," and he's surprised by how steady his voice sounds. It's not easy to even think about that- event, talking about it is a whole different thing. A much more difficult thing, but also - a bit, a little bit, easier. "I-" "Apologies for interrupting," his friend interjects. "I suppose that I have not been entirely honest with you." What?

"A few days ago, I discovered a number of deleted memory files buried deep within my code."

Just like that, his whole world tilts out from underneath him.

It takes every ounce of his strength to keep himself from falling into the abyss again.

Wait, what?

Has he really known for all this time? It's been weeks! Surely he would've said something? It can't be, it never even-

The rational part of his mind points out that he can remember every day of those few weeks. Well, he was the one to make the wish - magical logic is kinda stupid, but maybe that's why he had to remember it or something?

Well then, a small voice interjects, why was Nya cursed to remember everything too?

Of course, even the stupid magical logic doesn't even make sense to the one who caused this whole mess in the first place.

"They were almost entirely corrupted - scrambled in a way that I am not familiar with. However, I did realize that certain files bore dates that have not even occurred yet. I dismissed it as a problem with my code, however..."

Breathe, calm down, it's not like he was able to process them or anything-

We agreed that no one was supposed to know! What if they end up blaming us for keeping it a secret this long, or, or-

"I mean, they could've been-" he starts, but the way in which he's nervously twisting his fingers is a pretty clear indication that he's lying, dang it.

"So when you mentioned that you were unable to tell someone something - did you mean that it was because they had quite literally forgotten about it?"

Great. Fantastic. Of course the literal robot has pieced it together by now-

He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, hoping that if he ignores the problem, maybe it'll go away.

Okay, fine, maybe he's trying to figure out a way to fix this whole mess. Doesn't mean that he's any closer to coming up with a solution, though.

"Er, yeah," he whispers, shoulders slumped, eyes still firmly shut. Because gosh, he doesn't want to - can't, can't - see the realization dawn that, yeah, he's lied to people he's known for years and years, even though they've all seen way too many times that secrets bring nothing but trouble-

"Well, then - I would say that you don't have to tell them," Zane replies, surprisingly... earnestly? That, or he's either too freaked out to understand the tone properly. Could be either.

He opens his eyes, hesitantly.

And it comes as a bit of a shock to find nothing but concern reflected in his friend's.

The almost persistent weight on his chest feels a little lighter now, like the sky isn't as quite so empty.

Well, it still kinda is. But that doesn't hold as much weight as he'd thought it did - not if one of his friends is willing to look past that; past the heaviness of holding up all those memories with nothing his single star, flickering in and out of the darkness, to try and light the unforgiving darkness of the sky.

"Why?" Jay asks, so quietly he can barely hear it himself. "Don't I owe it to them? Do you?"

"No. Definitely not," comes the reply, so full of conviction that he almost stumbles back. Why-

"My father..."

Oh- oh.

"thought it was better to spare me the pain of mourning him than for me to know who I was," Zane confesses, hesitantly. "Not that I disagree, necessarily. I just..."

He trails off, clutching the railing so hard that the wood almost snaps beneath his titanium fingers.

It takes Jay a little while to realize why - why exactly his friend, who has access to a wealth of knowledge and information, is grasping for an answer. Because- because, well, even if someone does something in your best interests - sometimes the choice isn't always up to them. Or maybe it is, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to let go of the fact that his parents had never told him the truth sooner. Not that he blames them, necessarily - it's not like they knew that his father would pass on before he'd even get the chance to meet him - but... it's confusing, and difficult, not to know why you were left at a junkyard as soon as you were born. Maybe if he'd known that sooner, he could've asked the one person who might've had answers - although it's not like hoping for the past to change will actually change it.

They don't even know that you know, a small voice at the back of his mind points out, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense-

"You wanted a choice," he breathes, eyes widening. A choice - like one that he'd never been given, one that he stills struggles not to hold against two people who've always had his best interests at heart. Even if they did have the right to withhold that one thing, after all they've done for him - the 'what if's' still echo in his mind far more often than he'd like. "There's nothing wrong with that, even if it feels that way. I kinda get where you're coming from, dude, and it's... super confusing, but I'd be pretty mad if my memories were tampered with like that."

So would anyone, he realizes, heart sinking. Oh, great. Not helping-

"I- I suppose so?" Zane answers, but it sounds more like a question than a reply. "However, in the same vein, it would be unwise for you to give away your choice whilst you still have one." "But don't I owe it to everyone? You just said it, it's horrible to alter people's memories and I- I-" "Did we forget... whatever it was for a good reason? "I- I mean, I guess, but..." "Then you do not owe it to us to relive something that we do not even remember." The words should be a relief - and they kinda are. But some part of him really does want to explain the crazy alternate timeline, and everything that happened in it. It's just... really, really freaking difficult.

"What if- what if I wanted to, though?" Jay asks hysterically, running his hands through his hair in a frenzied sort of way. "And I still couldn't? I just, I-"

He cuts himself off with a bout of forced laughter.

Zane takes a moment to reply, the bright blue light in his eyes flickering - a small tell that he was thinking so deeply, his processors were literally sparking up a bit.

"You queried earlier if it was easier, or better, to forget. And while all situations are different, I suppose it is... well, subjective. What do you think?" Zane asks, softly.

Derailing the conversation a bit, but his friend's obviously smart enough to be leading up to something.

Sure, he'll go along with it.

"I mean, there are some things I'd rather forget, you know? I guess we all know what that feels like," Jay replies, the statement with oddly sad air to it. They're still kids, after all, and it gets a bit exhausting pretending that their superhero lives were all fun and games - when they'd just given him enough grey hair to last then lifetimes, and enough nightmares to keep him from ever getting the normal amount of sleep his mum always prattled on about.

Sleep, heh heh. Practically a foreign concept, now.

"And I know that stuff that happens, like shapes us or something - and Master Wu would probably go off on a whole ramble about why we learn from our mistakes or whatever," he laughs nervously, resisting the urge to just fall headfirst onto the deck of the stupid ship instead of continuing the conversation," and how 'our scars only make us stronger', crap like that, but I just-"

"I'm just really... tired of this," he confesses warily, shoulders slumped. "W- I remember so many horrible things, and I-" he breaks off, laughing bitterly. His voice takes on a sort of brittle quality, way too high pitched, "and I can't even talk about them, dude. If that's not the most pathetic thing ever, I dunno what is."

"It does not-"

"Don't say it," Jay mutters, rubbing his temples. "I know, I know, my feelings aren't pathetic, they're always valid, whatever, spare me the lecture-"

"That is not what I was going to say," Zane replies gently. "It just seems that you have answered your own question."

"Gee, which one?"

"I do not know how much helpful assistance I can provide in this situation, but it is understandable to wish certain events had never occurred. However, seeing as we cannot change the past, it seems unwise to dwell on said events if you can avoid it."

Jay stiffens, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. Something seems to press down even harder on his chest, a heavy sort of weight that causes his breathing to speed up again. Don't say it don't say it there's no reason to warn them this time-

"If you would like to tell any of us about something, of course you are welcome to. It does not to be the whole story, after all. Just make sure that it is the decision you choose, not one you choose because of what you think how it will affect others," Zane finishes quietly, ducking his head as if he's embarrassed.

The stars are still white-hot, burning away some million miles above them.

"Thanks," he says, and puts his hand softly on Zane's shoulder. "I mean, I know - that all makes sense, I guess. It's just- I-"

"You want to?"

"Yeah," Jay starts, sighing, "I do. It's just- it's not just my choice. And I'm pretty much dying already right now, so, as fantastic as making it all worse sounds, hard pass."

Oops, maybe he shouldn't have said that last bit. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about it - even this conversation was cutting it way too close. It wasn't impossible for them to put everything together - they were a pretty smart group, after all, even without their resident inventor and engineer - and Jay didn't really know what he'd think if they did. Fearful? Relieved? Angry?

"That does... not sound great? Dying certainly does not seem-"

"It's called sarcasm, Zane."

"Oh- yes. My memory now accesses the fact that people often speak in that manner. It does seem a bit counterproductive, though. Why not just say what you mean?"

"Shut it, you have no clue how integral to my life it is," Jay replies with a halfhearted grin.

A few seconds later, he remembers something his friend had mentioned earlier, and the grin disappears.

"You know that you can talk to us if you're not happy, right?" he asks, earnestly. Sure, it's not like he could always do that, considering, well, a stupid djin and even stupider magic, but it's not like he needs to. It's- well- he'll be okay, probably. Maybe. Kinda.

Zane's eyes blink on and off again, blue fading in and out. "I... I suppose that I was not quite aware of that."

Okay, they've screwed up way too many times, but this... this is pretty bad. Dang it, how long does it take for them to throw self-preservation instincts at their friend before he freaking- picks them up or something?

"However, will it not hurt those who have experienced the same unfortunate events?"

Dude, not the best question to ask someone wondering the exact same thing-

"It's been... uh, nice, kind of, talking to you. So- I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure someone would say so if it did. Besides, don't we talk about our adventures all the time? It'd probably be better if we... uh, well- heh heh, nothing."

"If we talked about the less than positive elements of them? Perhaps, but I still-"

Maybe it's the fact Zane has always tried to be there for him, or maybe he's too sleep deprived to care anymore, but this is a way too familiar situation and-

Well, not ignoring the issue would be a start.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we're family, Zane. We care about each other. And, gosh, that means that we care about you too. Memories are stupid and annoying sometimes, but we have to make good ones too, right? To block out the bad ones a bit, I guess? Kinda, at least."

They both look away from the stars now, grappling for something else to say.

In the end, they leave it be with a hug and a fondly exasperated warning about sleeping, if you happen to need it.

After all, they're family. They don't have to be perfect, or tell each other everything - even if it does take them a long time to realize that, and an even longer time remembering it.

---

The next time Jay startles awake from a nightmare, the sky is still empty - painfully so, like an ache that simmers beneath the surface even when it's not able to be seen.

The hue, though, is a little lighter.

Just a little - the all-encompassing darkness of it is now a navy sort of blue, his star shining a little bit brighter.

It's still not sunrise, not even close - but he'll take it. AN: the ‘sky’ mentioned at the start and end is a stupid metaphor that i somehow ended up liking too much to trash, it’s ‘empty’ because he hasn’t told anyone about the timeline, and Nya’s not included because they never had a chance to tell each other everything significant or even talked about it or processed it on screen. so yeah! if you read this,,, not great thing, can i send you a hug or good vibes or smth? tyy🥺

[ophelliate]

Victory for the Comic Muse Takes Because I Can't Torture My Friend Any Longer

So for the past week I've been listen to The Divine Comedy albums (skipping Liberation and Promenade) since I entered a whole of analysis about Casanova that was a trainwreck (for me at least), and in the meantime I wrote down/sent what I thought of the songs to a friend of mine, @honeylavendermilktea

But at this point I've just been sending paragraphs after paragraphs of thoughts about the work of some Irish guy so I thought might of well post on here since the Neil Hannon tag is deprived of anything other than Doctor Who

Victory for the Comic Muse will be short since I've actually listened to this album for months unlike others, Victory is actually my favorite album so far when I think of the albums by personal enthusiasm instead of anything critical, but I'm hoping that writing this down will help me put some perspective on the songs

songs/thoughts under the cut

1.) To Die a Virgin

Divine Comedy's horny songs are just really funny to me I can't understand anything otherwise tbh. I actually really enjoy this song since the tone manages to actually fit the lyrics. You can somehow feel how pathetic this horny little soldier really is all while still being a relative banger. I don't really understand how this was considered an iffy single according to the documentary... then again now saying that, this was like 2006 people were calling Happy Feet leftist propaganda.

2.) Mother Dear

While I don't listen to this on the regular, I love this song all the same for the lyrics alone. I find it incredibly sweet that the song is just about a guy realizing that his mom was great and that she deserved much more respect than he gave her in the past. I can't say it's relatable (probably since I'm still a teen), but it has an earnest energy that gives such a lovable feeling despite any personal connection. Similar to what I said in the beginning, lyrics are cheeky and pleasant as usual, though a bit too much banjo for me.

3.) Diva Lady

I don't think there's any actual reason I like this song. I just think it sounds nice. It's about a girl, who's a diva, and has a quirky nose. Seriously, I don't actually know why the nose is so prominent in this song. Who knows, maybe there's more to this song than I can read into, but the most I get is that this song is kinda like A Woman of the World, just without the dramatic jazz (which should be a negative but again, I think it sounds nice). I am very amused that she dated a guy to make him "look hetero" tho.

4.) A Lady of a Certain Age

My god, what can I not say about this song? From the gentle guitar and strings to the beautiful, distinctive storytelling, this song is a surprising classic by every angle. Hannon's lyricism is at its peak here with the details the song is able to tell and the fact that it hold the power of making me feel horrible for a rich person. I listen to the song to feel a very refined sort of depression, because I mean she chased the sun around the cote d'azu–

5.) The Light of the Day

I'm not sure how this is supposed to make me recover from the last song, but okay. Since I don't listen to this song often I'm reading the lyrics right now and well I guess that's an F in the chat. Honestly this is just a nice song to hear in a concert or something and you just turn your flashlight on in the crowd to wave it slowly at the beat. That's the entire vibe I get from this song.

6.) Threesome

This is very short so my thoughts will be very short: I think this is very cute, and I think the pun is mainly the reason it's cute. I thought it'd be a horny song at first but no it's just a three-part piano piece, and I love that for it.

7.) Party Fears Two

This song started to grow on my like just two days ago. The main melody is just very fun and gets stuck in my head a lot. The beat oddly enough reminds me of horses which now makes me need to search up the lyrics to confirm something– oh wait this is a cover give me a second... ah this song just got Divine Comedy'd. One thing I can say thought is that both versions are not in either singer's vocal range, though at least with Hannon, it's mainly just the slide that sounds rough.

8.) Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World

Is there actually a TV show called that– oh there was, and yet again this guy was a novelist so this is going on the list of oddly placed literature/pop culture references. Anyways the song seems to just be about a guy not understanding but still loving his wife. Not too keen on this one with the lyric execution.

9.) The Plough

Yes, yes, YES– I don't think people talk about this song enough. It's literally so sexy (not-horny). The dramatic strings; that damn crescendo that increases with every chorus, it's all SEXY. Deadass, I listened to this song without even looking at the lyrics for months because I got carried away by the music alone for so long. That may be a negative in this case though, since I looked up the lyrics for once last week and holy shit. The story told in this song was so #epic that I audibly gasped by the end. Respect this damn song because I love it.

10.) Count Grassi's Passage Over Piedmont

Ngl I thought this was boring every time I listened to it, so I was surprised to see so much love for it in certain websites. The only time I was entertained by talking with music accompaniment and some singing as a song™ was Atlantis by Donovan. This apparently is just another one of "Neil Hannon is a weirdo™ (and a bookworm)" songs to the point that there's like dozen's of references that go over my head, but at least I should have them go over my head while enjoying the song.

11.) Snowball in Negative

I also love this song. I think it's simply because it's able to make such a vivid sound. The serene echo of the voice, the tickle of the plucked strings, the rounded, circling aura of the chorus, all until we reach the singular piano, where you can truly hear the pure sound of snow in that enchanting melody. Once that piano forms into that beautiful orchestral sound, I just feel giddy, like I'm watching some sort of snow spirit dancing with another 'til they wither by the wind. It's definitely an experience I enjoy hearing again and again.

So... yeah, majority are pretty much bangers

I think this album is where Divine Comedy was truly able to define itself again after... whatever the hell happened with Regeneration. And while Absent Friends is considered the recovery from that album, I'd say Absent Friends doesn't really hit the highs that this one reaches wonderfully. I'd still say this one is my favorite by personal bias, even if on a technical level Casanova is probably the best.

I'm excited to listen to Bang Goes the Knighthood, as it seems to be a favorite for Tumblr (likely correlating to the Doctor Who thing one way or another), and actually I'll likely be listening to it tomorrow blindly so it'll be a tad bit different compared to these more organized thoughts.

But anywho, these are the current album rankings from worst (affectionate) to best (more affectionate) (and note I listened to Absent Friends literally just yesterday so the placement is subject to change):

6.) Regeneration (2001)

5.) A Short Album About Love (1997)

4.) Absent Friends (2004)

3.) Fin de Siecle (1998)

2.) Casanova (1996)

1.) Victory for the Comic Muse (2006)

If any of you want me to post my thoughts of the other albums on here, lmk

[incarnateirony]

Hey I dunno if you know this but you should check out a blog named lol jackles? They are making quite a bang about you. Laughable really! Anti heller indefinitely.. They are accusing you of "fake numbers"? And anti w*lker campaigns? And now....apparently your fic writing.

I saw it accidently. Then I started wondering "why don't you anti fuckers try and trend salmondean if you're the majority"?

Yeah basically, they’ve done that periodically. It’s kind of flattering to have someone so obsessed with me. Pretty sure that’s who the *ncest obsessed Walker-defending anon is tbh.

There’s always someone yelling “fake numbers.” The same plebs that said SPN was failing because of X ratings screamed when I explained global ratings decline and called it fake numbers then turned around and celebrated the same numbers. It’s the same old. “I don’t like it” = “fake.” It’s honestly the same psychopathy behind MAGA mindsets. “Fake News”, they scream, while ignoring all actual news and turning on OAN and Fox News.

I don’t know how to explain to them that I don’t control the nielsen ratings, I just know how to predict them--usually. Admittedly, Walker’s falling trajectory went faster than I speculated because I gave it the benefit of the doubt, I didn’t expect it to be verging on half its demo in 4-5 episodes. A loss of 25% maybe. Not... half.

I’m anti-CW. Walker is on the CW. They should be able to figure this one out, but they can’t, because they’re obsessed with a white guy they’ve built a parasocial attachment to. Who can do no wrong despite making copaganda and those damn ICE comments, and who’s show advertised on Fox News for totally no reason at all in their world.

My ratings talk has stayed the same for 4 years. Theirs fluxuates based on convenience. This isn’t hard to figure out.

I really am wondering how many of these people are MAGA/right wing just showing their asses, at this point. Masking long enough to survive in a very liberal/progressive fandom and then hanging it all out there. It’s been said some of the younger generation has gone so far left they swung right and run a lot of the same talking points but in destructive methods--redpilling, if you will. Gotta wonder, for real, how many of those were hiding in SPN fandom.

Quite frankly I’m enjoying them feeding people “IT’S DOING VERY VERY WELL I SWEAR, IGNORE THE LIVE RATINGS” which is what I said for years--about SPN--which was actually doing well. And its live ratings were still better. And was actually in the top digital hierarchy. Walker, on the other hand, has incredibly low digital turnout due to the average age of viewers being 63. 

That’s the average. Its 18-34 is only 0.09, dropping from like 0.24. That’s not people going digital suddenly after 2-3 eps. That’s losing your audience. Nobody young is watching this show. Nobody is going to be streaming this show. It’s the next Charmed/Dynasty which is simply uncancellable for the sake of being a CBS product.

I’ve been telling everyone from go that it won’t get cancelled until it reaches 88 eps, unless it truly continues its current path. And even then, that current path would still probably be given 3 seasons. It’s about punching the CW, WB and CBS in the moneymaker in the mean time. 

[oceanspray5]

random but ryan potter is so weird. first time i heard him speak outside of the show he gave annoying “i’m always right” vibes. he acts like one of ~those~ liberals that think they can’t overstep boundaries. been side eyeing him for awhile for a lot of different things (!!)and he just continues to prove how weird he is. him and curran always need to be the center of attention I can tell by how they act on social media. have 0 clue what conor leslie sees in him. she must be completely different in real life to what she puts out on SM.

I don't really know much about Ryan outside of his work. I follow neither him nor Curran on social media and I haven't seen any substantial interviews either so that I can make my own estimate.

If its true then it is a pity but tbh I'm not usually invested in celebrities outside their work so I wouldn't know.

As for him and Conor Leslie, I only recently found out they were dating and some people said they may have broken up? No clue honestly. It could just be the internet doing what it does best: making assumptions. I haven't found much regarding their relationship online to begin with so whether they're still together or not, they obviously want to keep it private.

I think its really hard to guage anyone's full personality through the persona they put out on social media, especially actors because putting on an act is literally their job. Of course we do naturally assume things based on what we see and I won't disprove that Ryan is like that because I don't know.

That being said: everyone is accountable for their behavior so it is stupidity when people think that because they're ~liberal~ they have leeway to get away with absolutely everything. I sincerely hope Ryan isn't actually like that and its just a misconception but even if it isn't and you're right, I'm glad it has no effect on me for the time being. As long as he acts well in whatever projects of his I'm interested in, I don't have much to say about him irl.

But you do you, Anon. If you're critical of him for his behavior that you're seeing, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. He is a public figure so he is liable to scrutiny. I just don't know enough about him to be able to agree or disagree.

[fridgeful-o-help]

thank you if you can answer my questions, hopefully all 5 parts went through, and sorry that it ended up being kind of long and rambly. i really appreciate the way you answer people and thought you'd be able to provide some good insight which is why i wanted to hear your opinions if that's okay. thanks so much again, i really do appreciate any advice, and i hope you're doing well and having a good day or night. take care for now!

HI NONNIE! I GOT ALL YOUR ASKS AND ILL DO MY BEST TO AWNSER EVERYTHING I CAN. I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE HELPFUL, AND IM GLAD YOU THINK IM GOOD AT IT.

I HOPE THIS HELPS BUT IM VERY LONG-WINDED TODAY APPERENTLY

NOW, TO BEGIN. TYPICALLY WHEN ARGUING FOR NEOPRONOUNS AGAINST THE ARGUMENT YOU HAVE BEEN PRESENTED YOU HAVE TO GO FOR MORE... WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS BETWEEN ASKING PEOPLE TO CALL YOU A SLUR OR WITH "BLMSELF" IS THAT THOSE THINGS CAUSE ACTUAL HARM TO OTHER PEOPLE. THERES ALSO THAT THERE ISNT ANYTHING WRONG WITH PIZZASELF, IT JUST SORT OF? SOUNDS SILLY? ITS NOT HURTING ANYONE, AND THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A LITTLE SILLY IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE. A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HATE NOUNSELF ARE GOING OFF THE BASE REACTION THAT ITS SILLY/DUMB SO ID KEEP THAT IN MIND. (FYI IF YOU GO BY PIZZASELF YOURE AWESOME. YOU DONT DESERVE ANY FLACK YOU GET FOR DOING SO AND KEEP BEING YOU BECAUSE YOURE COOL! 8}) BUT YES I AGREE, MOST IF NOT ALL PEOPLE WITH THAT ARGUMENT DO NOT USE NEOPRONOUNS THEMSELVES.

PLEASE REMEMBER THOUGH THAT IF IT WAS UNINETIONAL WHEN YOU INVALIDATE SOMEONE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND MISTAKE, AND YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE FORGIVEN. WE ALL DO AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER AND I PROMISE IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

COMING FROM THAT, THERE IS A VERY SIZABLE CHUNK OF NOUNSELF USERS WHO ARE LEGITAMATE AT LEAST THE LEAST, FROM MY PERSONAL OBSERVATION. A PATTERN I THINK IVE NOTICED IN (A PORTION OF) THE PEOPLE WHO I KNOW 100% ARE SINCERE IS USUALLY PEOPLE WILL SELECT NOUN PRONOUNS BASED ON HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES? FOR THEM ITS DONE AS PART OF GENDER PERFORMANCE TO INVOKE A CERTAIN FEELING, LIKE SOMEONE WHO FEELS VERY CUTESY MIGHT GO FOR BUN/BUNS FOR EXAMPLE. ITS NOT ALWAYS THAT WAY THOUGH.

SORRY I GOT OFF TRACK. ANYWAYS, NOUNSELF TROLLS ARE SOMEWHAT DIFFICULT TO SPOT DUE TO IT BEING WELL. HARD TO MAKE A "PARODY" OF, REALLY. WITH NON-NOUNSELF ID JUST CHECK PRONOUNCIATIONS AND SUCH BEFORE PROCEEDING. FOR THE MOST PART THOUGH I WOULD TRY TO HANDLE YOUR FEARS AS BEST AS POSSIBLE? INSTANCES OF TROLLING LIKE THAT BLOW UP BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARY AND GENERATE CLICKS, THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT THEYRE COMMON NOR UNIVERSAL. IF IT CONTINUES TO BOTHER YOU ID SUGGEST DOING SOMETHING I LEARNED IN THERAPY CALLED A BELIEF EXPERIMENT (DOING A SMALLER, ACHIVABLE ACTION TO ATTEMPT TO PROVE OR DISPROVE WORRIED/ANXIOUS THOUGHTS. ID USUALLY DO THIS WITH A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO HAVE YOUR BACK OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT)

GENERALLY IF YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS WOULD FIND IT ODD BUT WOULD STILL BE RELITIVELY ACCEPTING ID TREAT IT LIKE A NORMAL COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH A FEW EXTRA STEPS. ID USUALLY SUGGEST TELLING YOUR FRIENDS PERSONALLY BEFORE UPDATING YOUR SOCIALS, BUT THATS UP TO YOU. ID ALSO GO WITH ANY TRANS FRIENDS YOU HAVE FIRST IF THATS AN OPTION, BECAUSE USUALLY ITS EASIER TO EXPLAIN HOW YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE WITH NEOS IN THAT SITUATION. IT MIGHT SUCK BUT ID SUGGEST THAT WHEN/IF THEY ARE MILDLY INSENSITIVE JUST EXPLAIN THAT IT BOTHERED YOU AND WHY, HOPEFULLY THEYLL GET IT.

TYPICALLY MY RESPONSE TO SOMEONE BEING RUDE TO ME IS NOT... IDEAL SO I DONT KNOW HOW TO ADVISE YOU ON THAT, BUT GENERALLY YOU DONT HAVE TO DEFEND THE FACT YOU EXIST IF YOURE NOT UP FOR IT. USE THE BLOCK BUTTON AS LIBERALLY AS YOU LIKE, ITS A DEFENCE IN ITS OWN RIGHT.

THATS ALL, I THINK. YOUR MESSAGES COPY-PASTED WILL BE UNDER THE CUT, FORGIVE ME IF I MISSED SOMETHING, I DO HAVE A DISORDER THAT MAKES IT SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO READ. FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS, COMMENTS ETC AND DO TELL ME IF I DID MISS SOMETHING YOU STILL NEED HELP WITH .

MESSAGES AS FOLLOWS, WITH SEPERATIONS REMOVED:

so i've been using neopronouns for less than a week and every day since i started, i've been getting negative reactions. the negativity comes from strangers, so it doesn't hurt me as personally as if friends were doing this (i actually haven't said anything to my friends about my neopronouns yet). anyhow, when people try to argue with me, i tell them that i don't see why they can't be respectful and call someone whatever makes them feel happy and comfortable. one reaction i got was "just because something makes someone happy doesn't make it valid" and compared it to letting someone drink poison if drinking poison is what makes them happy. then i get a lot of people who bring up stuff like "but what if the pronouns that make me feel valid contain a slur? / what if i use pizzaself? / what if i only go by BLMself pronouns? you'd be invalidating me!!!" and they try to use my own words against me since i've previously said "even if you don't understand it you should call people by what makes them feel valid." i know these people don't even use neopronouns to begin with but tbh it still does start to make me feel guilty? i'm nd and i can't always pick up social cues or sarcasm so i would feel horrible if i did unwillingly invalidate someone. but i'm also kind of paranoid because so much trolling has been going around recently like one video where someone tricked another person into using neopronouns that sounded like a slur when said out loud, recorded it, and put it online. i don't always know who is being sincere and who wants to trick people, particularly with nounself pronouns, like the pizzaself thing. finally, i wanted to go back to the topic of not telling my friends about my neopronouns yet. i feel like if i just start to put my neopronouns on profiles that my friends can view, it'll seem odd to them that i never said anything before, but i also don't know how to bring up in a personal conversation "i found out about some neopronouns i like and i've started using them" without it being awkward. i don't think my friends would make fun of me but i do think they'd find neopronouns 'weird' in general and maybe act kind of insensitive without meaning to, like not getting it. how would you react to the rude ppl? i know i could ignore them but i feel like they take that as them 'winning' or me running out of ways to defend my point of view. and how would you have your friends find out about about you wanting to use neopronouns?

[mogsk]

While it’s useful as a repository of, like, clusters of related information which you can then use to find better, proper sources of information on its composite parts, Wikipedia is actually a really harmful thing, and if it didn’t make it’s funding goals and vanished over night I’d be psyched tbh

Like, the notion of wikipedia’s ability to democratize information as being some noble mission only holds under a profoundly liberal lens, but putting forward a singular ‘objective’ narrative is a demonstration of power, and like all others, power flows from one eddy to the next.

Having one page of information on a topic means that the “truth” it produces exists only at the moment it is accessed by the person accessing it, meaning that as this allegedly democratic approach to knowledge construction is doing its thing, it is necessarily generating falsehoods which are then being accepted as being ‘as-good-as’ truth bc since, if we assume wikipedia’s underlying concept works, it is safe to say that what we are seeing is the end product of it, an absolute truth refined by the input and discourse of knowledgeable individuals.

But that’s just under ideal conditions that assume everything eventually reaches the intended result of some sort of “final” truth! What it doesn’t even begin to account for is things like bias, intentional misinformation, lies of omission, and the ultimate epistemological quandary of whether anything could be said to be “true” at all!

You can have pages about major public figures scrubbed of all their misdeeds because they are, technically, true, and you can argue against the relevance or source validity of damning claims in the edits section and since powerful sources tend to not tell the truth about powerful people, you’ll have the upper hand if you do. 

You can have pages of outright fluffery and falsehood so long as there aren’t enough people interested enough in the topic to contradict you. I once first stumbled upon this getting into a shadowy edit war with a mysterious stranger on the wikipedia page for the CEO of Whole Foods which read like he’d written it himself, and I often wonder whether he had -- my ex’s dad had a wikipedia page he paid a socmed manager to write and maintain!

Like, again, a place that very succinctly provides basic information is valuable,  especially if its treated as a guide to doing more thorough and dedicated research into a topic, but while the idea that this is somehow some great blow against tyranny and censorship is a noble one, the fact of the matter is that it just becomes another tool of power, far more effective in the hands already able to wield it, and little more than a danger in the hands of those that don’t, but otherwise ultimately not super great!

[atamascolily]

lily reads “Aftermath: Life Debt” by Chuck Wendig

This was one of the first nu-canon novels to come out in 2016, meant to fill the gap between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens. So far, all of the nu-canon stuff has been readable (unlike, say, some of Legends’ more memorable failures) but I was pleasantly surprised to find that Wendig’s writing is the most exciting and engaging I have encountered to date.

The problem is, of course, that he keeps using it to accomplish things I disagree with, but I am sure he did the best he could within the constraints Disney gave him and I don’t take it personally.

Anyway, I had to skip the first Aftermath book because it’s AWOL from the library right now, but fortunately, Wendig is pretty good about explaining How We Got Here without huge infodumps, so I got oriented pretty fast.

This book is written in present tense, which also surprised me. Even though I have read several pro-published novels that use present tense, I’m still not used to seeing it outside of fanfic, and it feels delightfully novel. I like present tense because it encourages concrete verbs, as well as a sense of immediacy and groundedness in the action (which is one reason I use it in fics). Present tense forces me to be a better writer precisely because it doesn’t come naturally. But I also enjoy it as a reader. 

Life Debt is set immediately post-Battle of Endor in 5 ABY. Leia is a few months pregnant. Luke is name-dropped a few times, but never appears. (Sigh.) Han is upset that the New Republic is dragging its feet on liberating Kashyyyk and he and Chewie decide to take matters into their own hands. When things go wrong, Leia asks Wendig’s OC Nora Wexley and her crew to bring him back.

Nora Wexley was one of the Y-wing pilots at the Battle of Endor. Now she roams the galaxy hunting Imperials for New Republic bounty, with a motley assortment of beings. There’s Sinjir, ex-Imperial and gay; Jas Emari, a Zabrak bounty hunter; and Jom Barell, who didn’t have any defining personality traits that stuck in my mind outside of his on-again, off-again friends-with-benefits with Jas;. There’s also her teenage son Temmin “Snap” Wexley and the refurbished battle droid he built as a personal bodyguard, Mr. Bones. Mr. Bones is an unrepentant murderbot and utterly delightful, especially when he tries to “blend in” by being more human.

More backstory: Nora joined the Rebellion after her husband Brentin was imprisoned by the Empire and presumed dead. Nora and Wedge have a thing as well. Mon Mothma is chancellor of the New Republic, and Leia is... I’m not sure what her official title is.

Meanwhile, on Team Empire, there’s Grand Admiral Rae Sloane, ostensibly in charge of a large slice of the Imperial Remnant, but who is being manipulated--to her deep resentment--by a man named Gallius Rax with ties to both Palpatine and Jakku. Sloane tortured Wedge in the previous book and Nora is frustrated she didn’t kill the Grand Admiral when she had the chance.

There’s also a hilarious sequence where the guy running Coruscant tries to surrender and Mon Mothma and Leia refuse because he doesn’t have anything they especially want.

In addition to the main plot, there are also short chapters titled “Interludes” showing various doings in the wider galaxy. I think a lot of these are supposed to be tie-ins for other material because they mostly don’t have any relevance to the current storyline. There’s one about a Vader-inspired death cult on Corellia, a pirate queen named Eleodie, Alderaanians mining asteroids from their former homeland and arguing about politics, Twi’leks freeing Ryloth, Malakili the ex-rancor-keeper gets a new job training a baby Hutt (?? - would have liked to hear more about that one!). I like the one about Maz Kanata’s castle, even though it still makes NO SENSE in terms of world-building.

I like Sinjir’s relationship with his slicer boyfriend, and I like that from his perspective, it’s not that the Empire particularly cares about homosexuality per se, (as long as you’re discreet about it), but the Empire uses relationships to manipulate and control people, so being open about them is a form of weakness. Just brings home the point that the Empire is a piece of shit (which is why it’s so hard for me to care about Rae Sloane or any of the scheming on Team Empire).

I don’t think I like Sinjir as a person, mind you, but he is certainly interesting, and he has no illusions that he’s a good guy, even though he’s now working against the Empire.

Also, there’s a bounty hunter named Mercurial Swift, which is the most metal name ever, and cameos from Brendol Hux, who ran some sort of boarding school, and whose bastard son is name-dropped occasionally.

No one will be surprised that my favorite scene is Leia meditating next to a sanctuary tree sapling on Chandrila she grew from a seed that Wicket gave her, and she touches the Force for the first time, and realizes that her child is a boy. Nice.

Anyway, Nora and her team find Solo--Chewbacca is a prisoner on Kashyyk when their rebellion attempt failed--and they sneak into a prison called Ashmead’s Lock on Kashyyyk, which happens to be where Nora’s husband Brentin has been this whole time! The prisoners have been stuck in stasis pods and mined for energy in a Matrix-like scenario that really should have been explored more, but they bust out, with Nora taking the prisoners home and Han and Chewie continuing to lead the rebellion.

Time skip! Brentin is distant and has PTSD, Snap is angry and acting out, Nora feels guilty because she’s attracted to Wedge and she isn’t able to connect with her husband anymore. Wedge is, of course, heartbroken.

Sloane comes to Chandrila for peace talks, and Leia leaves to go after Han on Kashyyk when Mon Mothma refuses to back her up. She ends up getting Wedge to come with her for back-up, and her pilot is Evaan Verlaine from the comics (nice to see you Evaan!)

Meanwhile, the Empire continues to be a piece of shit on Kashyyyk, and it’s way more graphic than I expected this book to go. They get what’s coming to them eventually, when Han and his team disable the chips that are keeping all the Wookiees prisoner. 

The peace talks turn out to be a trap engineered by Gallius Rax--all of the prisoners from Kashyyyk are brainwashed to start murdering people at the big ceremony and Mon Mothma narrowly avoids assassination at Brentin’s hands thanks to Nora’s quick reflexes. Sloane escapes, is super-pissed about being manipulated yet again by Rax, and she and Brentin (who also wants revenge) go to Jakku to follow up on a lead about Rax’s past.

Han ends up stealing a Star Destroyer, and Leia saves the day, and they finally kiss and make up and it’s lovely. Han leaves Chewie behind on Kashyyyk to be with Leia. Norra and her remaining team members go after Sloane.

But the biggest disappointment, of course, is the New Republic’s inability to liberate Kashyyyk, which I think epitomizes the difference between Disney’s version of Star Wars and Legends for me. In Legends, it was never a question that our heroes would liberate Kashyyyk; that was important and the entire point of the Rebellion. Even though it happened more or less off-screen, it was mentioned and cited as proof of the New Republic’s victory and triumph. So to see Mon Mothma and Ackbar trying to dissuade Leia from this is just... wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Like I said, I think Wendig’s hands were tied on this one, but it just... lands wrong. It will never not feel wrong. Is it grittier and more “realistic” this way? Maybe, but what is the point?

Overall,  this is an action-packed adventure, with lots of good moments and funny bits that feel very much “Star Wars” to me. The interludes range from fan service-y to “hey, that’s neat, tell me more!” to  “wow, is there going to be a payoff for this years down the line?” In general, I find Disney Star Wars depressing as hell, but despite the downers I enjoyed this book much more than I expected. Like I said at the beginning, this is probably the best nu!canon thing I’ve read to date outside of the Shattered Empire comics. 

I came to like most of Wendig’s OCs, even though I’d really rather read about characters I already know--like, say, Luke! Imagine that!

(I don’t know why Disney thinks we’re not interested in what Luke’s doing, but tbh they write him so poorly when they bother that I’m not really sure I want them to.)

[thebibliosphere]

I just wanted to put out the ask to you joy, and any others. I have been diagnosed with food allergies, and I have two thoughts / questions. One, has anyone ever had an allergy that was present, then went away? My doctor diagnosed me as allergic to eggs, and then when I went back 6 months later, that allergy was gone, and replaced with two others (foods that I had been eating up to that point, and was now allergic to.) Next, what's a good pasta replacement for allergy to rice corn and wheat?

Hi @lilnizzie I’m going to throw this under a cut as it got pretty long, but I hope you are able to view this. Let me know if the readmore breaks it.

Allergies can and do fluctuate... but not typically in that way for most people.

Some people grow out of allergies, while others grow into them. And then there’s the people like me whose bodies cannot regulate histamine, (something which we all produce and need for important cell functions like healing and keeping us safe from pathogens) and who can develop fluctuating allergies depending on how overstimulated their mast cells are, which are the cells that regulate histamine release into the tissue and blood.

You may have seen me refer to my condition as MCAS, or mast cell activation syndrome. Basically, those all-important cells of mine don’t work quite right, and as part of that, I have developed a severe histamine intolerance or HIT for short.

So for instance, eggs, particularly the white of eggs, are high in histamine (the yolk is not, weird how that works right?) and some folk with histamine regulation problems (HIT) may not be able to eat them at all, while others are able to eat the yolk, or some folks like me who are able to eat eggs as part of an ingredient (say, cornbread) provided our “histamine bucket” isn’t overflowing.

Which okay, how do I explain this... so have you heard the phrase “window of tolerance?” As in, your threshold for being able to cope with things? Well, they used to refer to this reaction as being “histamine window of tolerance”, but since more research has come to light that suggests our inability to self regulate histamine is down to a stacking effect, hence the analogy of the bucket. The more you put into an already full bucket, the more things will overflow, and before you know it you are dealing with the overspill of problems.

This can either be caused by diet, elemental factors such as pollen, dust, pet dander, etc. etc., heat, cold, exercise, and yes, even stress. (This is because mast cells are in every tissue in the body, including the brain, and they do not like stress hormones, no they do not.) For some people, the reactions are mild and fleeting and may even be mistaken for hayfever, causing only minor ailments that can be regulated by taking anti-histamines. Some others are unfortunate enough to develop full-blown MCAS (or other mast cell issues) and are at risk of anaphylaxis and must carry an epi-pen at all times. I’m one of the latter. If it helps, think of it as a sliding scale disorder, with mild HIT on one end, and “What-in- the-name-of-God-is-this?!?” level of reactions on the other.

The condition can be managed, usually through diet and lifestyle changes for those with a mild case of HIT, and with the addition of mast cell stabilizing meds for those with the more severe MCAS.

So, why am I detailing all of this? Well, it might help to know that yes, the body can and does go off the deep end sometimes, and healthy people can and do develop new allergies over time. But I’ll level with you, all the foods you listed up there are poorly tolerated by folks with HIT when their “buckets” are full, and your fluctuating egg allergy might also be a clue that something isn’t quite working the way it ought to.

Of course, I’m not a doctor and I cannot give you any real concrete advice, only my own experiences of learning to manage this condition over the last 8 months after an astute nutritionist looked at all my food intolerances and allergies, and finally after years of suffering, offered me a diagnosis.

But what I will say, given that you’re already talking to an allergist, is that it might not be a bad idea to get your blood tryptase levels checked. It’s not an entirely accurate test, as you need to be in the midst of a flare to get a result, but for some folk it can tell the doc right off the bat if something is going awry, making it a good first stage in ruling out more severe conditions which may be causing your allergic responses to fluctuate in this way.

Now, I know that’s a whole wall of text right there, and I’d hate for you to be reading it and panicking, so allow me to say, if you do have issues with regulating histamine on your own, it is manageable. Since getting my diagnosis 8 months ago, I am a lot more stable than I have been for...probably my entire life tbh (Sure my pernicious anemia didn’t help, but the MCAS is its own ordeal.) I’m even getting to eat more foods as my body stabilizes and stops being in a state of continual meltdown. Which is amazing! Fruit! Iconic!

Sure there are some foods I’ll never be able to eat again, but eh, there’s better things in life :)

Also, just in case anyone recs it in the comments or reblogs, yes there is such a thing as a low histamine diet, but it is not a long term solution and should ideally only be carried out under medical supervision. The low HIT diet is extremely low on nutrients, and if done for too long can cause all sorts of other health issues. I was left on mine for over 2 years by a negligent doctor, and am only just now starting to recover from the extreme malnourishment this caused. Apparently, the longest you should do it for is 2-4 weeks to see if symptoms improve, and then you try adding foods back in one at a time to see what you can tolerate. Who knew? (I wish I had.)

Again, not a doctor, I can’t diagnose you and I am not even saying this is what your problem is, but given what you’re asking me, I feel it prudent to share my knowledge about the wonderful world of fluctuating allergies that seem to come and go with no rhyme or reason.

As for things you can supplement, oatmeal can be used to create a savory dish that is similar to rice. I used to cook mine up with a stock cube to make it savory, then add my vegetables into. It was like a very Scottish version of risotto, but I liked it lol. ETD tells me it tastes like “stuffing” which I dunno if that’s good or not, but he always eats it when I make it. If you have issues with stock cubes, cooking it up with salt and using things like fresh herbs will have a similar effect.

You may also be able to use things like coconut flour, or spelt flour, though not everyone can eat spelt if they have a wheat issue, so watch out for that. Tapioca flour is also an option, as are nut flowers if you’re trying to bake. Watch out for a lot of boxed gluten-free stuff though, xanthum gum is typically derived from corn.

Another option would be to make “vegetable mash” which is basically what it sounds like. I like to use potato for mine because it’s one of the few carbs I can get, mash it up, then dice in my other veggies (and meat of choice) and that’s basically how I avoided grains for as long as I did. Sweet potato works well for this too. Basically, if you have to avoid grains, which it sounds like you do, veggies are a good way to keep your carbs up.

Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful... I feel like I rambled, but... yeah, I know way too much about this kind of thing for someone who went to school for liberal arts lol

[kyluxtrashpit]

K so I said I might write a post about what I wanted from ep 9 and then I ended up doing it. So this is essentially a summary of the movie I would’ve made if someone gave me that ability. It’s not fully fleshed out, but I literally could not stop myself from typing it out once I starting piecing it together lmao

Even though this is my own creation, I still consider this a spoilery post SO WARNING FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS RIGHT HERE

I still think the best thing to do with ep 9 would be to centre it on the FO falling apart instead of ‘oh no daddy palps is back :o’. Truth be told, I’d rewrite TLJ too if I could, but I’m going to try to work within its constraints on this as well as keep some tros stuff intact for the sake of trying to work with it. So here’s the basic plot of what I would’ve liked to see:

Kylo undermining and removing authority from Hux while he focuses on Force stuff. He’s still looking for secrets and holocrons, but there’s no palpatine

Meanwhile the Resistance is working on building up their forces and helping the little people, plus trying to get info to take down the FO

The focus of the Resistance side is them trying to get the strength to face the FO and working together and all that good stuff. Focus more on the small acts of goodness in the galaxy that bring people together and end up with those they help joining the Resistance. That’s where they get their strength

Rey’s story would also be mostly about mastering the Force (and Leia still helps to train her) and the love and family she’s found among the Resistance. She’s still stupidly powerful though. I’d love to make her a Skywalker, but hell, it’d even work if she remained a nobody. TLJ was her crucible; she knows who she is now. She doesn’t need anyone else to tell or write her story for her

Also I really want her to go grey jedi. So maybe she realizes what Luke really meant: it was time for the jedi not truly to end, but to change. To embrace emotion without losing themselves to it. To realize that the only true way to achieve balance is not by staying light in order to defeat the dark, but instead learning to master both and keeping the balance within herself. That way, when the darkness is defeated, it won’t need to rise again: true balance. This would be her growth in the story, to learn how to embrace true balance in the Force

Also Finn’s story is still going to focus on the Stormtroopers (and Jannah can 100% still be there). So he finds Jannah and her team in Act 1, and then in Act 2 they unearth some secrets as to how Stormtroopers are brainwashed. Conditioning can’t be broken out of by will alone; Finn was Force sensitive. But something else happened with Jannah and her company. An idea is born: could they recreate that on a large scale and free them all? That’d be a huge blow to the FO and it would save all those troopers who never had a choice in what to be

Poe’s focus would still be on becoming the leader they need him to be, with lots of fun trio moments. So his wouldn’t actually change that much, but nothing about him being a drug dealer. I’m sure Zori could still be worked in but tbh I didn’t feel she added much to the plot

Rose is there a lot more too and comes along on all their adventures, happy to liberate anyone they can. She’s always been in it for the little people and that’s where she shines

Also Kylo is even more erratic, even more lost. He feels torn apart all over again. He’s not doing well as SL; he thought it would make things clearer, but it didn’t. He’s unstable and feral, focusing on all the wrong things and making bad choices because of it

Near the end of Act 1 of the movie, Hux betrays Kylo in a near deadly fashion, but Kylo manages to escape by the skin of his teeth

The Resistance gets word of a civil war within the FO. It;s Hux’s fleet (the red troopers + newer FO officers) vs Kylo’s fleet (mostly the older imperials who remember Vader + the KOR – you can keep Pryde here too if you want). This is their chance. They can take advantage of the chaos

While Kylo recovers from Hux’s attack, he starts having doubts again. Nothing has felt right since he became SL but what other choice does he have? He can’t go back, can he? He’s not supposed to want to. And even if he did, he’s too far gone to ever be welcomed, even by his own mother. So he continues fighting against Hux, more harried and haunted than ever

This situation degrades quickly. Both sides are getting hits in, but Hux is winning. Worse yet: it’s spilling over and doing collateral damage. Places controlled by the FO are being exploited, even worse atrocities being committed against them in this rapid arms race to superiority

Hell, maybe Hux’s fleet still has those planet-destroying canons like Palps’ fleet cause why not, everyone seems to think SW needs a superweapon in it. Anyway

There’d be more development on the heroes’ side as I detailed above here. Rey helping people and learning to be grey. Finn discovering the secrets of the Stormtrooper program. Poe becoming a leader. Rose comes with them on their journeys. Leia is heard rather than seen for the most part; she’s surviving this time around, but her presence is felt through her messages and dialogue snippets rather than physically being in the scenes. Some of the footage could be used, especially her hug with Rey, but I’d use much less of it

The Resistance knows they have to hurry. Do they have enough people? They have no idea, but they’re gonna try anyway. They have to. And you can still have Lando do basically the same thing; show up, be cool, then go get some more people

I’d like to do more with the KOR too, but tbh I’m not sure how other than just some scenes of them and Kylo doing Ren Stuff (whatever that may be). But there’d definitely be something

Near the end of Act 2, there’s a particularly brutal fight. I’d want Kylo and the KOR on the ground here, doing their shit. It feels kinda cheap to have him almost die again but tros also had 2 death fake outs for Kylo before the actual death so fuck it lmao. He thinks he’s going to win (maybe Hux is even there? Or maybe Phasma is revived? Or even just some fancy trooper akin to FN-2199 or something. Maybe it’s even Force-nullifying tech), but then the last minute he gets his shit wrecked

He’s dying. He reaches out with the Force, violently, affecting everyone. Rey hears it through the shattered bond. Finn even hears it, though faintly. It hits Leia hardest of all

Meanwhile, Kylo sees the ghost of Anakin instead of a vision of Han. Anakin, who knows better than anyone what it is to turn to the dark, but also what it is to turn away from it. The scene would still play out similarly, but not mirror the past scene with Han so much

(Look, I know a lot of people don’t like bendemption, but I think that redemption is always possible as long as it’s written well. And that applies to pretty much any character. TROS just needed more time to develop it, which I am attempting to do here by showing Kylo’s instability at the beginning)

Anakin manages to heal Kylo enough to bring him back from the brink of death, but not fully. I don’t think I want Kylo to toss away his lightsaber, but he still could. Regardless, there’s some sort of symbolic gesture to prove he’s changed his mind

A ship arrives: it’s the Resistance. Finn and Poe are cautious, but Rey doesn’t fear him. She confronts him about this sudden change of heart, but she can feel his sincerity. So she reassures Finn and Poe and they bring him along, though no one is really happy about it. They fix him up

With Kylo’s fleet all but destroyed, Hux is ready to take out the Resistance and everyone who sympathizes. Now perhaps we have a planet the trio had previously visited get destroyed. There’s still an ultimatum from the FO to obey or die. It’s a crackdown. A final act to ensure domination of the galaxy. Hell, you can even still call it the Final Order if you want to

The Resistance now strikes. Lando’s getting more back up, if he can, but they take who they’ve got. Kylo is there and there’s a lot of mistrust (could be played for humour too) but not enough time to get into it. They need to do this or too many will die. If he tries anything, Rey will strike him down and she tells him so. She’s done listening to his attempts to get under her skin

This Kylo is also definitely more Ben (I’m mixed on whether he should just go back to his old name or not so I’m keeping him Kylo for the sake of this summary). There’s guilt, though. A lot of it. You can see it on his face and in what he says. But helping to fix this will be a start. His crimes aren’t forgotten; he wants to make up for them however he can

Also Finnrey happens. They kiss before the fight this time and it’s very cute and romantic

So basically the end fight is Resistance fleet vs FO fleet. Poe is leading the charge. Meanwhile, Finn, Jannah, Rose and company sneak on to try to end FO conditioning. Rey and Kylo also sneak on; they’re going for Hux and the elite troops he uses as guards

Hux is going to have to have Force-nullifying tech of some sort (which I think is extremely underused in the SW universe as a whole btw). But he underestimates what Rey (powerful as fuck) and Kylo (Skywalker) are capable of

I’m not 100% sure how this fight plays out but I think I want Rey and Kylo to take out Hux’s elite troops without being able to use the Force. It’d be a fun struggle to watch and also make the fight much more visceral and difficult for them. But they both know how to fight, so they win

On the other side, Finn, Jannah, and Rose manage to do whatever to free the Stormtroopers from mind control (I’m not sure exactly how this would happen, but it’s star wars, it doesn’t need to make much sense). We get the first stage of a full trooper rebellion. They go after the officers immediately

Outside, Poe is struggling, just like in tros. They might lose this. Even if the landing party wins, there’s just too many of them. Cue Lando bringing a big fleet to help and giving us an epic space battle

Back inside: something exciting happens and it turns into a struggle between Hux’s tech and their combined Force powers. This is how I think it should go:

Kylo gives Rey his Force powers, which knocks him unconscious. Rey now has the power to break through on her own. It shouldn’t be possible. She sends out a concussive blast that knocks Hux back. The ideal here would be Hux being captured and taken in alive to be tried for war crimes, but I know that’s asking too much lmao so

If I can’t have definitively alive Hux: Rey approaches him but the ship makes a buckling noise; her Force powers compromised the structural integrity. Debris falls, obscuring Hux (and probably implying it killed him), and she knows it’s time to run. Kylo also comes to around this moment and follows

(And for real, I’m also okay with Hux dying for sure here, because at least he got to have his day first, but this is fantasy land lmao so I’m just not gonna have it happen as far as that goes)

Finn, Jannah, and Rose lead the stormtroopers onto transports as the ship starts falling apart. Rey and Kylo (and Hux, if I got my way) show up and make it in too. They take off and make it out just as the Finalizer crumples. Everyone lives! (Plus Hux is plausibly still alive even if I can’t have him definitely alive sdkfsdkl)

They call for the fleet to stop; the Stormtroopers on every destroyer are rising up, freed from their shackles. Shot of FO officers tied up and captured as the Stormtroopers, without their helmets, celebrate

A sidenote: I can’t decide whether I want Kylo to have lost his Force powers permanently by giving them to Rey or for him to get them back. I think losing them would be a good act of sacrificial penance, but at the same time, I’m not sure if that’s a thing so lmao. I’m open to possibilities here

End bit would still be a celebration. Rey and Finn and Poe still hug. The Stormtroopers are happy. We can still have that moment with Lando and Jannah; the implication of trying to find where every one of the troopers came from. The FO officers have been imprisoned. Everything is right in the galaxy again

Now there’s one more scene with Kylo: he stands in front of a door, looking pensive, squeezing and unsqueezing his hands into fists. The shot moves to his back and the door opens. You can’t see what’s inside but you hear: “Ben?” followed by a pause, and then a small, broken “Mom.”. He steps inside and starts to fall to his knees. End scene

Now, as a last scene, we could still do Rey having a funeral for Luke on Tatooine and keep the ending shot basically the same except Leia and her saber aren’t there because Leia is alive. Rey could still decide to be a Skywalker if she’s a nobody. The shot of two suns. The End.

[saintambrose]

haha it’s US politics hours

listen, this tumblr has always been a fandom place since its inception and I’ve not really designated it as a space for political discussion because 1) I have several other avenues for that arena of discussion and 2) escapism was the theme here; but I’ve finally watched The Comey Rule and I have some THOUGHTS 

and I’m not really sure how active anyone is here anymore anyway, because I’ve not really been around as regularly as I was before the nsfw-ban shitstorm, so. Diving right in.

Probably my favorite thing was how it painted the American right wing as this faux-centrist bastion of impartiality at first, the whole circus with HiLLaRy’S EmAiLs being about how they legitimately believed they could play the angle that the emails were a threat to national security all while they knew damn well it was a huge big nothingburger (with a side of hatred of women) while doing that thing that right wingers have done since the Reagan administration where they malign anything left of fascism as communism (including basic human rights) and then, predictably, you have all these very furrowed-browed old white men sitting around a conference table being VERY CONCERNED that precisely the thing they wanted to happen came true and they are completely unprepared to do damage control on the mess they engineered because WHITE MEN ARE INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING THE CONCEPT OF CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN ACTIONS. 🤣😂🤣😂

In all seriousness. I wasn’t crazy about Hillary either. I don’t like dynasties of any kind, royal or political. I don’t like establishment dems who are really just center-right in the real world while masquerading as left in backwards-ass bizarro-world USA. But I’m an old motherfucker now, I’m well into my 30s, I’m boring and watch CSPAN for leisure and shit. I read the reports coming out of the DOJ. One of my degrees is in political science, though admittedly, that’s the least thing that matters, in the scope of everything else these days. But it’s safe to say Hillary was unfairly maligned while republicans committing atrocities exponentially worse have been treated with kid gloves for decades. A very distinct double standard has been applied here for....longer than I’ve been alive, that even the most educated people on the left have refused to acknowledge for far too long. I watched that entire BeNgHaZi hearing (which is easily accessible on youtube, so there’s literally no excuse not to know the facts on this), and everyone knew -- everyone knew it was a bullshit smear campaign. 

So, this post isn’t so much a review of the miniseries more than it’s an indictment of the corruption of American politics. The most damning aspect being that, on principle, US politics has always had a problem with embracing progressive policy, and basic civil rights in general. That’s not news; people have known this for some time. But the thing that this miniseries really illustrated in a very cartoonish, yet succinct, way is that there are experienced professionals who hold the highest, most powerful seats of authority in this country who won’t bat an eye at dedicating their entire careers to denigrating common decency, basic human rights, and even constitutional law, while being absolutely incapable of conceiving the long-term consequences of these actions, who will then turn around and concern troll over the ashes of the empire they enthusiastically helped to burn down. It’s nauseating. It’s infuriating. It shows a pathological disregard for personal responsibility.

Everyone was so preoccupied with their massive turgid erection for hating the Clintons (and women) that no one saw they were enthusiastically living in a henhouse built by fucking foxes. No one saw the genuine threat. 

And, by extension, no one had the balls to acknowledge that age-old instinct of white men willing to engage in a scorched earth campaign simply to satisfy their worst impulses and entitlement complexes. 

Can you fit “Who cares if we’re screwing over several generations with corrupt court-packing and a flagrant disregard for checks-and-balances predicated entirely on the honor system; we just don’t feel like doing domestic labor or respecting women and minorities so we’ll continue expediting reprehensible policies that exploit the most vulnerable people in this country because we can’t compete in an authentic meritocracy" onto a campaign slogan banner? 

I sounded the alarms on this trend 20 years ago, meanwhile. My parents and I had just gotten US citizenship, luckily months before 9/11 and the patriot act; and as an outsider looking in, as someone who had risked their life escaping a dangerous regime at an incredibly young age, I saw the warning signs in the republican party even back then. Naturally, I was denigrated as an alarmist and a butthurt liberal. 

You know, I’ll acknowledge that as a white person, I’m not the average American’s image of what an “immigrant” looks like. My experiences here over the past couple of decades have thrown into sharp relief how “immigrant” is just a dogwhistle for racist bullshit, because people who concern troll about us don’t seem to have many problems with us white ones. But I came out of a communist country. I’m straight outta the eastern bloc. And I don’t think there are any words in any spoken language that can do justice to how insulting it is when americans try to americasplain communism to me. Bitch. Y’all don’t fucking know. You just don’t.

The point is, even back then, I could see the slippery slope republicans were tumbling down, and I can't say I derive any pleasure from being vindicated in such an extreme fashion. Like. I told y’all motherfuckers. TWO DECADES AGO.

People who aren’t familiar with US politics, and even long-term US citizens who for some reason feel like it’s a waste to pay attention to your own shit, seem to spend a lot of time trying to unpack what precisely went wrong. My observations came up with 1) the manipulative aspect of US history in public schools glossing over, and even omitting, the most gruesome aspects of the revolutionary war, the holocaust, and the cold war (and oftentimes, the cold war is NEVER EVEN COVERED, which is especially insulting to me, for obvious reasons); 2) the manipulative aspect of US history in public schools teaching kids that the Declaration of independence and the Constitution are unassailable doctrines of freedom and liberty, and, as such, after independence was won, no further activism to maintain democracy was needed so we can all just smoke a bowl and be complacent because all those authoritarian third world regimes we constantly ridicule and criticize can NeVeR HaPPeN hErE 😒; and 3) how limpdick both-sidesism replaced civil, comprehensive political discussion because the right spent so long abusing, denigrating, and bullying the left that it was just easier to play it safe and take the milquetoast ~centrist~ stance, which always, always, always capitulates to the lowest common denominator, which is always the oppressor. 

And generally just this age-old trend of holding the victims of systematic oppression to a higher moral and behavioral standard than the perpetrators of systematic oppression. 

Guys, I’m tired. I’m so tired. 

I’ve gotten a few questions over the years about why my writing is so angsty, why it always seems to follow the same themes; war crimes, PTSD, gore, torture. 

I already escaped one authoritarian regime. The USA promised us one thing, and then once we got here, it started emulating the very tyrants we worked so hard to get away from. A lot of people have no idea what that feels like. How much of a betrayal that is. Especially considering all the financial and legal landmines one has to navigate just to do it, and then we’re punished for that, too.

I write about PTSD because I fucking have it. I write about war crimes because I’ve experienced them firsthand - just as a victim and not the perpetrator. I so often write about soldiers committing them because I want to roleplay what it’s like to not be a victim for once. 

tbh writing a fucking Hamilton fanfiction is one of the most cathartic things I’ve ever done, but the extensive research I’ve had to do to be able to write this thing has been low-key traumatic. There’s a lot of historical material I’ve consumed that should have been covered at the most basic level of compulsory education, but conspicuously isn’t. And I know that’s a feature, not a bug. It’s by design. 

Democracy - and independence, freedom, liberty, justice, civil rights in general - isn’t just some final xbox achievement that you unlock and then just shelve the game and forget about it for the rest of your life. You have to keep grinding to maintain it, because there will always be selfish, malicious people out there who will dedicate their entire lives playing a long con to ensure you don’t get the same opportunities as them. For the love of god, stop playing the both-sidesism game. From someone coming out of the eastern bloc, I can tell you with great confidence that that was part of the propaganda campaign you were fed to keep you from engaging so they could install a dictatorship under your nose. Do some self-guided historical research, guys. It can be very illuminating.

Anyway. I’ve gone on long enough here, but damn, don’t screw this up again, guys. Today is the first day of early voting in Texas, and I’m going to do my duty. When I first came to this country, after experiencing the rigorous vetting process and labyrinthine legal requirements of US citizenship, I was led to believe that in exchange for that privilege, I was personally responsible for my own civic self-education. It’s so much more important than you've been led to believe.