#and that concludes my daily rant about the topic

[somegiantmess]

Someday I'd like to draw some comic about my experience of becoming very aware and informed of the state of our planet and our living conditions (and how everything is tied with political choices at the end of the day).

All those feelings I can't explain would be easier said with just some doodled scenes.

It would also be my personal path through it. People live it differently, even if some things are going to be similar. But I've always been a ball of stress and anxiety; and as such, they're obviously part of how I live this awareness.

It's been three years, and every now and then I still find myself unable to share when I feel alone in this. When I'm facing daily life situations where there's a problem with what we're doing or choosing to do but I'm, like, the only one seeing/thinking about it. And there's the fear that if I say something, I'll be seen as the annoying, aggravating person.

And those times when a situation or a topic makes me real uncomfortable, or even anxious, ecologically-wise, but it's transparent for the others; family included. They may have no idea that said topic can make me anxious, or maybe don't care so much, maybe they would even think I'm overdoing it with all this anyway? Again, I don't want to be the party boomer, so most of the time I don't say it and stay anxious on my own.

I think those are the worst. Sometimes my social anxiety may be harder to deal with than my projections for the future (which are still hard to imagine while we're not there, you know). Because if people, here and now, don't see the problem and don't see what needs to change to the level required, those projections are bound to happen, you know?

If we were all (or almost) going on the right path, it would open the way to hope. But having to talk to people, convince them, especially when the change needed may touch to some extent our personal lives/beliefs/dreams/interests? It goes not only into technical and science and datas talk, but also very much into political and personal talk. And that's terrible for me, who fear that people will hate me over the tiniest thing.

So anyway idk sometimes I just imagine the kind of scene I could draw about my most common anxiety in common situations. And that with this I could at least, idk, tell the people around me how I feel in some situations through a smoother, easier medium for me (and even maybe for them).

And at the same time, I would do better to use this time and effort to work on a (maybe) more useful project on those topics. That's probably the best choice to help myself in the end.

Yep I ranted about all that just to conclude that I won't do it (but at the same time who knows!)

[thesebootsaremadeforstalking]

So I was doing my daily ritual of scrolling through nct members' tags and I got an urge to stab. I'm not even joking. The amount of posts that I saw about Jaehyun being plain, boring, having no personality and "just being there" is incredible, and all of that coming from nctzens.

And first, I'd like to say fuck each and every one of you who think like that. It's beyond my comprehension how you came to that conclusion because that boy has personality. Just because it doesn't match the aesthetic you associate with him doesn't mean he lacks one. All of you who wrote that did you think that maybe it would reach him somehow? Or someone who's not a fan may stumble upon it and think it's actually true? How would you feel if someone told you that you lack personality? Well, here it is, you are all as deep as a puddle. To conclude that he's without personality just because he's quiet, isn't upbeat like Johnny, or doesn't spoil the fans with love letters like Jaemin, is extremely awful of you. He's not your friend, nor does he have to act like he's dying for your attention or whatever you think you can give him. He's a singer, that's who he is, and I couldn't be happier that he keeps that line between fans and himself clear. You complain that he doesn't share with us but why would he if you call him boring, not interesting, having nothing to offer. Because that's what it means when you say he has no personality. People like you bullied Haechan until he stopped recommending things.

To all of you tasteless fucks Jaehyun has an incredible music taste, and that's the main reason I like him. He has an incredible tone and makes every song exponentially better. He likes wine, sports, he likes reading, listening to vinyls. These are all legit hobbies that a person can have. He supports his friends quietly, he's kind to everyone and he's so mature for his age. Does that sound like no personality to you? Something fake? Just because he's not screaming his every thought out loud doesn't mean he doesn't have them.

So I'd like it if you kept that opinion of yours to yourself.

"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."

Think on that!

P.S. if you feel offended by this you are one of the people I'm talking about, you puddle of a person.

P.P.S. sorry for the rant I'm just so sick of this topic, and sorry for tagging all the members, I usually don't, but I want this to reach as much people as it can.

[classicwho-meetngreet]

- Your URL: @heroofthreefaces - What can people call you: Well, my given name's Paul, but how many on Tumblr use those? - What eras or spinoffs do you post about: "Classic" and "New" tv Doctor Who (it's all one to me). Spinoffs on tv. Not much of the EU though I've picked up a lot of it from fandom. - What type of content do you make (e.g. fic, art, playlists, gifs, analysis, memes, textposts, tag rants): The Hero of Three Faces is my daily fancomic. Stick figures but they're triangles. I love crossovers and there's no better device, literary or literally, for crossovers than a time machine. Anything I watch might be incorporated into Three Faces, and the Doctor appears in only about half the cartoons. New cartoons get linked here in the morning and pinned daily; archive cartoons get linked here in the evening daily. I sometimes draw my reblog responses here. I have a blog FAQ here. - Are there particular characters or relationships you focus on: Whittaker and Dhawan have made me a lowkey Doctor/Master shipper. But no, not really. - Is your blog safe for minors (yes, no, usually but no guarantees?): "Usually but no guarantees" covers it. - What do you wish people would ask you more about: I enjoy asks about the cartoons as if they were my fanfiction, because they are. - Non-DW topics or interests that you also post a lot about: My blog posts on a given day are reblogs about all the blorbos from my shows, reblogs which I think are funny or clever or to which I've added I think is something funny or clever, some social justice reblogs, and some actual blogging. - optional: Where else can you be found (AO3, Teaspoon, Dreamwidth, Twitter?): The main Hero of Three Faces website, a subdirectory of my concluded general-interest webcomic Arthur, King of Time and Space. At Dreamwidth I'm scarfman (not very active), at Twitter I'm @heroof3faces (less active than on Tumblr). - Anything else you’d like to share: I was there, Gandalf. I was there five decades ago when mimeoed Star Trek fanzines revolutionized what it meant to be a fan of a tv show.

[shikagemaru]

Been having an identity crisis recently. There's It a whole lot of things adding up to that. Call it a rant and ignore it if you want. There's only like 3 of you guys anyway.

I would put a readmore here if I knew how to do that on mobile (thanks for sucking, only social media app I feel at all comfortable with)

•It really doesn't help that the past 7 years of my life have been completely stagnant. Since I haven't been able to work my wife and I have had basically no freedom of our own.

•2 years ago I was put in jail because a pair of psychopaths decided to go from 70 to 0 on the highway in front of us, and get out to try attacking us. I tried backing up to go around but obviously the car behind me was too close and the highway was at speed in the right lane. So I had to go around on the grass while these 2 crazy assholes were approaching while shouting threats. One was coming for my wife's window. So I did what I had to and bumped one of them. He wouldn't move and our safety was more important than him being hurt a little. There was a high speed chase through our community, and while we're on the phone with the police these two are trying to force us off the road. The cops even see one of them hanging out the window shouting threats at us. We pull into a mcdonalds parking lot and after talking to them for a bit the cops arrest me because he said I "ran him over" on purpose. He was so uninjured that he refused medical care at the scene, but he kept telling people I ran him over. They were also both arrested btw. I was held without food or mpving air for over 13 hours and I have a history of heat stroke and hypoglycemia (it's bot exactly that, but it's like living outside of a big city and tellinf people you're from there instead of the local podunk you actually live in). Long story short it was torturous, and then I got put in actual jail. They didn't care that I have a long list of disabilities. When I was released I had to wear an anklr monitor while taking weekly drug tests. The numbers on the drug test kept reading that I was using weed even though I wasn't. It was insanely stressful as the numbers didn't change from one week to another. My fear was that because I was rapidly losing weight from stress that the thc being held onto in the fat was being detected. NOPE. turns out one of my DAILY meds was testing false positive. "Shouldn't they know about the false positive drug and account for it?" Youd think. But when they scanned my medication bottles that one came out blurred and they never entered it into their system. In case there are any lingering feelings that I was guilty, the court case more than handled that. The prosecutor was the kind of scumbag that, before my trial, tried prosecuting this guy's mother-in-law for assaulting him when she tried taking her grandkid out of his arms because he was using the baby to shield himself when the family confronted him about having a fake medical license and it ruining all their lives. It turns out I was put through hell and all he was seeking was "anger management counciling" because he believed that I, the guy protecting his wife, had road rage issues. One listen to the 911 calls would have straightened thst up. My lawyer kicked his ass just a little more than I did on the stand. Long story concluded, thanks for the ptsd. The nightmares have been lovely. So is panicking whenever a door closes kinda loud.

•Last year I was able to self diagnose myself with autism. For those who don't know, the vast majority of autistic people self diagnose, largely due to "experts" on average not being well educated on what autism is outside of the stereotypical cases. Most women aren't diagnosed until adults. Most "high functioning" (which is an awful description when you lesrn that it was created by a literal nazi to separate autistic people into "kill these ones" and "don't kill these ones" categories) people aren't diagnosed until adulthood. And by then actually getting the diagnosis is a challenge. And frequently it involves exercising privelege to get the right people involved.

So knowing what I know now a lot of my life suddenly makes sense. People accusing me of being manipulative when I literally don't know what it is that makes them think that? Severe miscommunications? Obsessing over specific topics to the point where people want to avoid me? Always being "the weird one" and as a result being a social outcast from day 1? Despite being considered very intelligent, I've been super easily manipulated by people my whole life. I can barely ever tell a person no, even if I know I should. Hell. There have been entire relationships I've had with people where I thought we were friends and they didn't think the same thing. Learning who or even how to trust becomes a challenge.

Yeah, it all makes sense now. I want to say "i don't know how they didn't see it", but I do. The 90s was shit for mental health. Since they knew I had tourettes (thanks for that, universe) and adhd, my obsessive tendencies were labeled ocd. Actual adult relationships have gone entirely to shit because of miscommunication. People seem to think I mean one thing when I mean another entirely. People think I'm angry when I'm not. I've basically been told never to be passionate about a topic.

How does a person handle that? It doesn't unfuck relationships with people. Once someone thinks you're lying and manipulating that's it. Nothing you can ever say will ever dissuade them. It doesn't matter that they were the ones that misunderstood. Somehow it becomes the fault of the autistic person. And good luck if you're ever autistic and have a panic attack. So I'm trying not to care about that. It's hard. It's especially hard knowing that things didn't have to, and may not have gone the way they did if i had known about it earlier. I wish I could rebuild certsin relationships. My wife and I used to fight, but since we realized that both of us have these triggers because we're both autistic, we resolve almost every misunderstanding like a walk in the park. But that doesn't work with people you haven't spoken to in years. Even if a lot of it was frankly their fault.

•And the latest fuckery? I have no idea what gender I am. If I had the power to shapeshift I'd probably change on a daily or hourly basis. I had an alt account years ago where I posted fanfiction. Some people in the community assumed they knew my gender and pronouned me as such in the comments. That was the first time I had ever experienced gender euphoria. I was....upset, when someone corrected them. Would have been nice if they asked me first. I enjoyed the confusion quite a lot actually. And since I have a terrible time coming up with names for things (my screen name is from 20 years ago and I never figured out a new one) so I don't know where I would start building up a new persona. And for what? To get the rush of people not knowing which pronouns to use? I hate it. I want it. I don't know if I can ever come out as trans. People think trans means m2f and f2m, and it doesn't really matter to the public consciousness that there's more to it than that. I want to scream at people that I'm trans, but i don't know what I even want my body to look like. If I woke up tomorrow and I was suddenly transformed would I be happy? I have no idea. No? Yes?

I don't know who I am or how to even identify. I'm a disabled, autistic, lgbtq ethnic minority with no financial freedom, and my 40s are approaching. Life is a challenge. Sometimes I wish I could just Danny Phantom it up. And by sometimes I mean daily.

[chaninfused]

Today, this mediocre blog turns one year old.

And it’s not much, but it’s something, for sure. I’m happy to be writing this, mainly because I didn’t expect to write it in the first place. Coming here, I had no aspirations for this blog. Write and post, that was my initial intent, but I’m glad to say I have found and created much more. As cliché as it sounds, I’ve learned and improved quite a lot, both as a person and a writer. Never in my life had I imagined myself writing y/n stories, yet here I am, and I’m content.

As much as I complain, I cannot deny that this place made this year bearable so far. Everyone, from my friends to my silent readers, made this experience fun, despite the various disappointments of 2020 (ahem, a ruined senior year). For that, I think it’s time to move to the important parts of this letter; all I have to say to you!

First, I must thank the friends that gave me something to look forward to each day. I am honored to have met you all, whom I have spoken to daily or spontaneously. Thank you for keeping up with my sucky person antics!

@luvhjs, I often wonder if we could’ve ever met if @skzwritersclub didn’t exist, or if you didn’t decide to join our fetus network, and I always conclude that it’s not something I want to think about. Simply because it’s horrifying. I might not express it properly, but our friendship is one I treasure beyond words. Thank you for panicking with me over silly things, listening to my nonsense rambles, and in all sincerity, being the best there is. A hundred ‘I love you’s randomly arriving in your inbox would never be enough, but I hope you know that I love you, and I wish you all the best, all the time ♡

@missinghan, I don’t know where to begin, and honestly, I don’t know where to stop either. I don’t regret screaming into your dms that day, although I’m deeply sorry for terrifying you (oops!). All jokes aside, I truly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a friend like you. I’m grateful for each conversation we’ve had, even that one about maggot cheese or those depressing texts about our dying dashboards. I solemnly believe that I would’ve lost my mind during spring break had we not spent careless hours on Tumblr talking about anything that could possibly be talked about. I feel like I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me; for hearing my writing rants to handling my dramatics to just being there when I send a good morning text in all caps. You are incredible, it is not just a silly nickname. I love you, and I know affection is gross but I’m saying it again. I love you! ♡

@meiiyue, hey, remember when you told me you knew me from Wattpad? That was our first proper interaction, and I am so glad I had gotten to know you better after that. We often joke about it, but I love your love for all things murder. Please never let anyone’s opinions get in your way. You honestly have one of the most unique personalities I’ve ever known. I mean, where else would you find koalas and blood-chilling crime in one place? Thank you for being the cutest and most talented. I hope you know that you’re loved, and I love you, and it will always be that way ♡

@meanhly, oh, look, it’s my keyboard smashing partner! I’m glad you decided to panic about On track in my dms instead of my askbox. Thank you for birthing this beautiful friendship! Speaking of which, what friendship level are we at now, Selina? Okay, I’ll stop fooling around. Thank you for never failing to make me laugh, no thanks to your autocorrect for calling me fruit, though. I think one of the reasons I love the Songless Bird so much is, well, you! It was your excitement about the story that pushed me to explore the world more, to write more. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for that. I love you, so much, and I cherish our friendship just as much ♡

@smileylino, our ‘02 line is only complete with you, Rain. Thank you for being the best panic partner (hehe) and the cutest Minho stan. Talking to you is always so much fun, even if we’re just discussing memes or soft scenarios. I don’t know how successfully your Minho detox is going, but I miss your random declarations of love for the one and only. I hope you know that you’re really talented, and I’ll always be here to cheer you on whenever. You deserve only the best this world can offer. I know you’ll do amazing, whatever it is you’ll be doing. I love you! ♡

@lixiefe, if anyone were to see our first interactions, they wouldn’t expect us to become good friends. Yet here we are, and I wouldn’t change that for the world! I love talking to you, even if it’s about the strangest of topics. Thank you for making me love my own work. You make it out to be something special, which it isn’t, but I appreciate that so much. Thank you for handling my self-deprecating statements with hilarious poop references, even though I am still adamantly against them (kidding!). You’re special, I hope you’d know that. I love you so much! ♡

@scriptura-delirus​, we might not interact a lot but whenever we do, it’s always so much fun. I truly admire your work and your way of thinking. Thank you for writing the best fantasy to be found in this fandom, and for all the support you’ve shown my mediocre stories. If this were a follow forever, know that your url would be among the first. I love you! ♡

@jeonginks​, can I consider you a friend? I hope I can. The entirety of my first interactions with you consisted of me embarrassing myself, from that useless blurb to all that panicking. Thank you for not blocking me yet... I am very sure that without SWC, I wouldn’t have ever talked to you. And while I might not panic anymore, you are still someone I genuinely look up to when it comes to writing. I wish you’d know that you’re an inspiration, for me and many writers out there. Also, you can send me as many Liam memes as you want, I’ve become immune to them (phew). I presume this is called affection, but I love you! ♡

@scxrlettwxtches​, writing or not, you’re a dear friend of mine. I’m terrible at expressing things, but I’m glad we started talking. Thank you for listening to all the unnecessary writing things I say. I love your work, even though I don’t say it enough. You might not know but your enthusiasm motivates me to write; all the random questions and spoiler requests. I’m sorry for [redacted] in ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’. I hope I’ve been able to make up for that through the blurbs! All in all, I wish you all the best in everything you do, and I love you! ♡

@f3lixlvr​, you are the first person I have properly spoken to in his hellhole. I remember our first conversations and just how much joy they brought me, even though I was hiding behind an anonymous profile. Thank you for being the most amazing and making late 2019 fun and exciting. I love you! ♡

@wingkkun​, we only began directly interacting recently, but we’ve talked before. Your writing is great, beyond that, even. I’ll raid your masterlist one day, just you wait! You seem like a complete sweetheart, and I hope we can talk more in the future. Thank you for all the lovely tags you had left on my stories, I love you! ♡

@ammuqwer​, you are a friend I didn’t expect to make, but one I wouldn’t want to lose for anything. Talking to you brightens my day, and I can only wish I can offer just as much happiness in yours. You’re amazing, really. If you ever have a hard time, please know that you can always find me. I love you! ♡

@p2q3r4​, I often scroll through your blog and I have to say, you’re crazy talented. Your drawings are stunning! Thank you for all the comments you’ve left on my writings, I appreciate every single one of them. You’re also a complete sweetheart, have I ever told you that? And I love your love for languages, it never was annoying. Never stop being amazing, I love you! ♡

🌷 anon, I might not know who you might be, but you’re a friend I cherish so much, Tulip. I love talking to you, and I say that a lot, but hearing from you is always so lovely. Thank you for all the asks you’ve ever sent, those with tmi to those with Splatoon talk. I hope you know that I’ll always be there for you, whenever, wherever. I love you so much! ♡

Caeliman Minho anon, last but definitely not least. I’m afraid this short letter wouldn’t do you justice, but I hope you’d know that you mean a lot to me. Thank you for all the support you’ve shown my work, all the inspiration you’ve given me, and all the thoughts you’ve generously shared. I love hearing what you have to say, and I love you! Thank you for everything ♡

Second, to all my readers, those who always reblog, those who leave a trail of hearts behind, and even those who just pass by, thank you for giving my writings a chance. I am continuously motivated to write more and write better for you. I’m nowhere near that, but I’m slowly making my way up there. Thank you for being the best audience ♡

Finally, to you reading this, thank you for reaching this far. It has only been a year, and I hope I can continue to contribute to this fandom for much longer than that.

Today, a story was meant to be posted. Due to my poor management skills (yikes!), I will instead be posting the world-information edit for ‘Danse Macabre’. Please look forward to it!

That is all. Thank you for making these 365 days on this blog special, and here’s to many more! I love you all! ♡

[stefciastark]

Scars ~ Webpril Day 6

A/N: Here is the final part to the "The Mines" mini story arc :) I hope you enjoy this little chapter of IronDad fluff. It's definitely a topic I want to expand more on with IronDad, and I definitely didn't address it enough in this fic (it's nearing 2a.m so I had to wrap it up somewhere) BUT if it's something you'd like to see, just let me know and it may just become its own fic :)Thank you to everyone who's been leaving comments and kudos as well. It's my first proper return to the world of fanfiction and your support and feedback means the world, so thank you!! xx

~Read it on AO3

~Read it on FFN

This was the second time in…too soon, that Peter had to make a return to the realm of the ‘awake’. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to. There was an intense throbbing behind his eyes that pounded to the percussive beat of Pomp & Circumstance; it was a tune that he had been forced to sit through every year since he was a freshman as they gathered in assembly to wave the upperclassmen goodbye as they left for the real world. He decided that if he survived until his own graduation, he would petition for a drastic change of the ceremony music. ‘I Lived’ by OneRepublic seemed kind of appropriate.

He couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped his lips as the throbbing in his head shifted from the right to the left as he turned his head to the side. He felt smooth satin beneath his cheeks, a pleasant contrast to the rough gravel and dust that greeted him last time.

Sleep tugged at his consciousness, beckoning him away from a world that had so far greeted him with pain and uncertainty. Just his luck though that a pair of fingers began to snap repeatedly in front of his closed eyes.

“No, none of that ‘going back to sleep’ stuff, kid. Time to get up.”

Peter waved his hand in front of his face, trying to shoo away whomever dared invade his personal bubble. “G’way…”

“Ouch…Is that how you thank me for saving your life?”

Peter’s eyes finally cracked open, ready to give his speaker the biggest verbal whooping he could muster – which Peter faced it, he wasn’t going to sound particularly convincing either way. It was then that his mind finally caught up with what his eyes were seeing; Tony was sitting on the occasional chair to the right of the bed, leaning forward, elbows on his knees and hands locked together. His knuckles were white, and that tension bled into the expression on his face. Dark circles that looked like bruises shaded the underneath of his eyes, frown lines gently creasing his forehead.

Now that he had a moment to register the rest of his surroundings, he noted with relief that he wasn’t laying in a hospital bed, and there was no accompanying beep of the monitors that usually accompanied infirmary-esque surroundings. In the end, it was Peter’s view of the half-open sliding closet door that told him his answer; he was in his personal bedroom at the Avengers facility. A T-shirt Ned bought him for his last birthday that he’d been looking for for weeks hung at the front. It was the one with a pun that first made him cringe, but eventually grew on him until it inexplicably and unironically became one of his favourites. It had a large picture of a Spiderman mask, surrounded by text that said: “What does Spiderman do for a living? He’s a web designer!”

Thinking of Ned, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was forgetting something…

Tony saw the second Peter’s eyes widened in panic, and he quickly leaped off the chair to press Peter back down onto the bed as he tried weakly to get up. The pain in Peter’s right ankle that had gone unnoticed until that moment flared up, eliciting a small cry that was a mixture of pain and surprise.  

“W-where’s Ned, is he okay? He was with me in the – in the mine and he wasn’t waking up and -” Peter’s chest rose and fell rapidly, panic flooding his senses, the weight of Tony’s hand on his shoulder doing nothing to ground him, only making him feel claustrophobic as the memories of being stuck under rubble bubbled to the surface.

Tony immediately retracted his hand from Peter’s shoulder. He knew when Peter needed to be left to himself. As much as he wished he could hug the kid’s troubles away, the aftermath of Vulture left Peter with psychological scars. No amount of comfort, exciting new tech projects or keeping busy would undo what had happened, and it was something that Peter needed to confront on his own time and in his own way. Of course, Tony would be there. He would always be there.

“Ned’s okay, just a moderate concussion, some bruises and understandably a little freaked out.” Peter visibly relaxed at the update, glad to at least hear that his best friend wasn’t lying in a hospital bed somewhere, fighting for life. “You know, you’re lucky you’re the same type of super-freak like Rogers.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t he like,” Peter imitated a needle going into his arm and finished with a ‘fshhhhh’ as the imaginary needle plunger was suppressed.

“No, no, I mean he’s an entirely -” Tony stopped himself, dragging his hand across his face, not quite sure how to go on without trailing Cap in the mud. He didn’t particularly want to open that can of worms. Contrary to public opinion, he was trying to play nice. “Look, I’m tired, and that’s not what I meant,” he sighed. “I just mean you got very lucky, kid. Being strong and being able to heal like that is what saved your ass.”

“I’m pretty sure you saved my ass.” Peter’s breathing had slowed down, and he had sunk back into the mattress, eyes no longer looking like he was a deer stuck in the headlights. Tony mentally sighed with relief - crisis averted.

“First of all, I know, I was just being polite. Secondly hey, watch your language. I’m the adult, I get to use those words.” He raised a mocking eyebrow in response to Peter’s expression of light-hearted indignation. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m not the one who makes the rules. I don’t want your aunt coming after me after you go home sounding like ‘The Dude’ Lebowski.”

They both entered an unspoken staring contest that was soon lost by both parties as Peter couldn’t refrain from sniggering after no more than five seconds, and Tony broke into a smile not long after. 

Peter’s expression turned serious once more. “Wait, how long have I been here? Does May know? Crap, I should text her, she probably thinks I’m dead, she’s going to freak.” 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y took care of that when you got here,” Tony looked down to check his watch, “nine hours ago.” 

A pregnant silence fell on the room. Peter’s eyes were cast down, staring studiously at the various scrapes and cuts along his arms; his souvenirs from Sterling Hill. Tony could see the gears turning in Peter’s head, and he wasn’t surprised in the least when Peter posed him a question.

“I know I can’t scar because of...y’know,” he swallowed, fingers clenching and unclenching the sheets as he refused to look at Tony. His voice was small when he asked, “But what do you do about the scars you can’t see?” 

Tony paused for a moment before responding. He’d known this question was coming for some time, yet he didn’t really have a response. “I still have nightmares about New York.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Point is, at the end of the day, I try not to let things I can’t control get to me. You did all you could, kid, don’t kick yourself for it.” 

Tony wanted to say more than his little anecdote but couldn’t quite find the words. Years of ‘tough love’ at the hands of his father didn’t exactly give him an ideal arsenal to deal with the sensitive nature of the topic, and the last thing he wanted to do was give Peter the same ‘Stark men are made of iron” ‘golden’ advice he got from Howard as a boy. He felt like an elephant in a porcelain shop, and he was afraid that one day Peter would break.

As Tony rummaged through the manila folders in his brain for the right thing to say, Peter yawned. “Thanks Mr Stark,” his body and mind still in recovery mode after the previous day’s events. 

“Get some rest, Spiderman. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He ruffled Peter’s hair and turned to leave, the kid already snoring quietly seconds after his head hit the pillow. 

Tony returned to his lab; he had some important unfinished business to take care of. Hours later, he had fallen asleep, head resting on his arms over his glass-top desk. The monitor above him glowed faintly in the darkness, thirteen separate tabs open ranging from ‘Supporting Your Teen’s Mental Health’, to the one that was currently displayed: ‘How to Be a Good Father’.

A/N:  Ah Tony, paranoid about wanting to be the perfect father figure to Peter and not wanting to repeat his own father's mistakes. Either way, the (alluded to) topic of this concluding piece is something I want to maybe dedicate a longer fic to. I didn't really feel as if I could give it the attention and in-depth discussion that I wanted to. Unfortunately, juggling university, life, and writing these daily as they come because of the nature of the challenge (and I'm super scared of falling behind with the prompts) means that a lot of these aren't as fleshed out as I'd like them to be, and I'd love to give some of these some more love once the challenge is over. ANYWAYS, long rant aside, hope you enjoyed the small concluding piece to 'The Mines', and thank you for your continued support :) xx

[knb-no-scenario]

Hi! May I ask scenario about Kise female best friend who helps Kaijo boys (if you read Replace novel, you know their problems) with group date preparation. Thank you for your blog!

thank you for the ask and sorry for the wait! i had to read the light novel before writing this bc i haven’t read it before. i’m assuming you mean the group date preparation in the summer vacation story? hopefully i’m not wrong. i had lots of fun writing this so i really hope you like it as well (￣▽￣)

You originally planned on spending summer holiday in your room, reading and playing games all day, but your best friend Kise Ryōta had begged you to help ease his misery. Worried that the blond idiot might get into some trouble, you complied. But you definitely weren’t expecting... this.

“Ah, [Name]-chan, what a coincidence.” Kasamatsu was the first to greet you.

You smiled at him and walked closer to the restaurant table, still a bit confused. “Ryōta-kun, what is the meaning of this?” You raised a suspicious eyebrow at Kise. Why would he suddenly ask you to meet him at a family restaurant? The whole Kaijo team was here too...

He simply grinned sheepishly. “Thanks for coming at such short notice!” He cast his team a tired look. “Actually.. we’re going to have a group date after this.”

“Huh? You want me to act as your girlfriend again?” In order to keep his fangirls away from him, Kise had often asked you to pose as his fake girlfriend. It was really tiring to follow him all day and receive hate stares from girls. Nah, I’m too tired for this bullcrap.

Already preparing to turn around and leave, Kise grabbed you by the arm frantically. “No, no! I need your help coaching these poor inexperienced guys!” He exclaimed in panic, wincing when the other visitors looked at all of you strangely.

“Ah, that’s actually a good idea.” Kobori stroked his chin, nodding. “[Name]-san can be our guide.”

“[Name]-chan, please guide us! You’re our only hope!” Moriyama started to beg.

Grimacing under the hopeful stares of Kise, Kobori, Hayakawa, Kasamatsu, and Moriyama, you had no choice but to agree. “Fine!” You huffed, pouting.

Kise let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you, [Name]-cchi!! I owe you big time!”

“That you do.” Sighing, you sat down next to Kise and folded your hands. “So what do you want to know?”

The clueless face of four Kaijo boys gave you your answer: everything.

A good ten minutes had passed, and you had reached one conclusion; these boys were hopeless. Kise was also this close to losing his patience (his eye already twitched four times now).

“Moriyama-senpai, what if a girl says she wants to go to the amusement park?”

You crossed your arms, nodding. Alright, that was an easy question. Surely Moriyama would know the answer to-

“Going to a place like an amusement park is pointless. Just go to your house instead.”

Eyes nearly bulging out, you exchanged glances with Kise and gulped. Yeah, if you want to be viewed as a pervert!

“I read it online, it’s best to try and choose a location that is close by for the first date.” Moriyama explained seriously. You, on the other hand, had trouble comprehending the words he was saying. Did he seriously believe that?!

You were close to giving up, but the boys’ perseverance made you pity them. They were adorable, so clueless and yet determined to win over girls’ hearts.

“Hayakawa-senpai, when you’re speaking, be more calm!”

“Ah?! I’m normally like this!” The boy replied, “Fine! I’ll give it a try!”

“Kobori-senpai, your sense of presence is too low! Give out more of your ‘I-am-a-good-person’ aura!”

“It’s too difficult for me!”

You massaged your temples. “Guys, please calm down. They’re just girls. You being scared of them is just going to scare them!”

Kasamatsu trembled in his seat, sweat already dripping from his forehead.

The training continued. Soon, a big hurdle in capturing the hearts of the females was presented; finding a common topic to talk about.

“Ah, come on now. It can’t be that hard. Surely you guys know a lot more things other than basketball.” You nervously chuckled, gulping when all of the boys looked at each other in terror. Oh no. “Umm, what about you practice it with me? Ryōta-kun doesn’t need to practice this, he just needs to sit and shut up and girls will already flock around him.”

Kise looked both proud and a bit offended.

“Kasamatsu-senpai, please go first.”

He looked like he was going to face the Generation of Miracles. Eyes flickering around nervously, he looked everywhere but you. “Uh- umm..” You smiled at him patiently, urging him to continue, “D-Do you like sports?” He blurted out and was instantly shoved by his friends.

“You’re just gonna talk about basketball!” Hayakawa said.

You sighed. “This isn’t going to work..”

“But I’m fine having daily conversations with you! You like basketball and you’re a girl, so..”

“But [Name]-san’s different!” Kobori let out a sigh, “I’m fine with having daily conversations with her as well..”

“What about we each go on a date with [Name]-chan first?”

Hayakawa’s suggestion was met with Kise’s glare and your deadpan.

“No way am I letting my best friend be tortured by each of you!”

“Moriyama-senpai, go ahead.” You switched your attention to the black haired boy.

He nodded and looked at his lap, as if preparing himself. When he raised his head, his lips was curved to form a flirtatious grin. Oh boy. “Hey, don’t you feel that this group date is a meeting set by destiny?”

“No!” You had to resist the urge of smacking his head, “Ryōta-kun, you go and set an example for them!”

But your heartthrob gorgeous ladykiller friend had the same panicked expression on his face. “[Name]-cchi,” he whispered to you, “What do we usually talk about?!”

Your jaw dropped. “What? Just think of something!”

“Umm..” He gave you a sheepish smile, “Do you like sports?”

You groaned when he repeated Kasamatsu’s answer.

You were panicking, and time was running out. “Alright, alright. Just ask them what their hobbies are and you’ll be fine!” You concluded, smiling encouragingly at all of them. “Good luck, you all!” Fist bumping the guys, you silently prayed that they wouldn’t embarrass themselves. You then sat at the table near their table, watching as five girls walked in.

You were eating happily while observing the boys (who seemed to be doing somewhat of an okay job) when you heard one of the girls ask, “I heard that all of you are friends from the same community. What is it?”

“It’s... basketball.” You heard Kasamatsu answer uncertainly, already getting a bad feeling.

“Ah, sports-related. How cool!”

Finishing your food, you sipped on your beverage while staring at the table in front of you. The boys weren’t facing you, but you could already sense their surprise. You saw Moriyama take out a pen and paper, about to draw a diagram of the basketball court to explain something about basketball. Okay, girls love a knowledgable guy. Hopefully they won’t start ranting too much about basketball.. However, knowing your idiot friends, that was asking for too much.

Soon, they were busy discussing training methods and basketball formations amongst themselves, ignoring the five girls in front of them. You wanted to intervene, but how? You could only watch helplessly as they animatedly chatted. Oh man, you could see the girls’ annoyed expressions.

Then it escalated into something worse.

“Hey, look at this, [Name]-cchi. You like this formation, right?” Kise suddenly turned his head and gestured for you to join them, “Explain about it to Kasamatsu-senpai. He likes this one better. I think it’s less effective, though.”

Kasamatsu nodded, deep in thought, “I saw some first years using this a lot.”

Moriyama, Kobori, and Hayakawa were all fired up as well, looking at you.

You immediately froze. Eyes flicking between the angry girls and curious boys, you made a frantic gesture for them to look in front of them.

Like a broken spell, the boys suddenly came to their senses. You could see everyone gulp, not daring to look at the five girls. Kise finally turned around, his eyes pleading, “Ah.. about that.. sorry..”

“It’s okay. Don’t mind, don’t mind.” The girls replied with a fake smile, “You all just.. go play on your own.”

You slapped your forehead in frustration. Thus, on that day, the boys’ summer ended.

[fictionalfics]

Coffee pt. 3

(Fuck sake I couldn't find the right gif - Gifs not mine)

RK900 x reader

Warnings: Awfully cliched writing, fluff, swearing

Requested by: @dis-weird-girl-over-here

Additional tags: (I’m just tagging everyone from last time) @mikithekiki @invisiblemigraine @yallgotkik @liveloveandbekind @qtmeryr @angsty-otters-blog and my friend who recently joined tumblr, @fearfridaywriteswords

Guess who’s back from the dead! I have so much shit to write its not even funny, and exams are making my life hell, but enjoy this scrap anyways lmao.

Part One  Part Two Part Three

Let’s go!

System Start-up…

Please Wait...

Conner’s LED swirled to life at around half past five in the morning. the apartment was still dark in the early morning, but you’d soon be getting up to begin your daily ritual of getting ready for work. Conner swiftly stood and made his way into the kitchen, deciding to prepare yet another coffee for you to wake up to - it would give him something to do as he planned the romantic gesture to show his love later on.

Almost as if you’d smelled the bitter-sweet beverage, you padded into the kitchen, popping your joints and yawning. You looked so pretty after just waking, stray hairs poking up like small antennae, your baggy pyjamas hugging you like Conner desperately wanted to.

“Good morning, Y/N. You have exactly forty nine minutes until we need to leave - I made you a drink in order to save time.”

You smiled widely and stood on your tiptoes, pecking Conner on the cheek. “Thanks Con, that’s really helpful!” You flash a toothy grin, reserved for only him, and pour yourself some cereal.

Software Instability^^

Conner watches you in silence, not really knowing what to say. Instead, he examined your vitals - you finally had had a sufficient amount of sleep, and you were fully alert and awake.

Good.

You catch his eye as you spoon another portion into your mouth. You silently question his antics, a raised eyebrow displaying your question. You swore Conner’s cheeks turned a slight shade of blue.

“I’m observing your vitals - it seems you have finally had enough sleep, as you are more heedful this morning.”

You smile at this. “Its the best sleep I’ve had in a while - thanks to you, anyway.” You smile cheerfully. “I guess I better get ready. The Captain’s expecting the reports on his desk at eight o’clock sharp.”

“That would be a good idea Y/N.”

You turned on your heel and headed to your room to get dressed.

Conner loved seeing you cheerful.

Work was a drag. It seemed like it was going to be a busy few weeks, with deviant cases and whatnot. You clocked out about an hour after you were meant to, but you didn't care. You didn't feel the dark cloud of fatigue for once, and, in the cool winter air, decided to go for a walk to clear your head of work. Conner came with you, watching as your breath materialised in the late October cold, and then disappear like a spirit.

Through all of this, Conner was almost silent, only interjecting at the appropriate times as you ranted about anything and everything. He seemed interested when you began to speak about your favourite TV shows, which then veered onto the topic of your childhood pets, and ice skating. You just couldn't help yourself around him - he was easy to talk to.

Software Instability^^

He loved the way you gestured wildly with your hands when you were talking about something you were passionate about, and the way your face showed nearly every expression under the sun, as you described your favourite bits of that show you were in the middle of. 

Time to put his plan in action.

“May we take a detour through the park Y/N? There is something...pressing that I would like to speak about.”

At the concerned look that ghosted across your features, Conner attempted to comfort you.

“It’s not overly pressing, it is simply a problem I have, and I’d like you to help me work through it.

You gave a slow nod, still not convinced.

“Okay, I guess.” You weren’t fully convinced, but decided not to press the matter. “We can take the route by the lake if you like? I like to go that way when I need to clear my mind.”

Conner smiled. “Of course. That’s a wonderful suggestion Y/N”

You lean against the frosted railing, and stare out to the body of water before you. You loved the buzz of the city - that’s why you moved to Detroit - but you loved the occasional quiet of the park even more.

You look at the figure poised next to you - still, like a marble statue.

“What’s on your mind Conner?”

“Ah, yes. I’ve been experiencing, emotions, if you will. As you’re human, and deal with a wide variety of feelings on a daily basis, I could appreciate it if you could help.”

“Of course!” You were temporarily surprised that Conner was experiencing human emotions, but, since the revolution, the machines becoming more human-like than anyone could have ever anticipated wasn’t very looked down upon anymore. You had always treated androids as human anyway, so you very much welcomed this change in society. “What have you been feeling, if you can describe it?”

After his LED swirled yellow for a bit - researching, you assumed - he said, “I believe it’s called love.”

Wow. Conner was in love?

That was news to you.

“Wow Conner, that’s...that’s great!” You felt really happy for him, to the point where you wrapped your arms around him in elation. It didn’t occur to you that it was you he was in love with, but you were happy all the same.

Software Instability^^

“How do you suggest I go about telling the person in question?”

You thought for a bit, and settled on an answer. “Personally, I’d just tell them straight that you love them. Worst case scenario, they say they don’t feel the same way.”

Conner processed your words. “Thank you Y/N. Your advice is very helpful.”

You smiled in response, and sighed. There was an electric silence between the two of you, but you couldn’t think of anything meaningful to say.

You didn’t need to.

“Y/N?”

“Mmhmm?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Holy shit.

That is not what you were expecting.

You gripped onto the rail with your gloved hands, trying your best not to fall over at the announcement.

“O-okay, wow Conner” You laughed.

“Did I do something wrong? I apologise if I took you by surprise.”

“Oh, no of course not! I’ just surprised that it’s me, of all people!”

Conner smiled at you, and took your hand in his. “I wouldn't want it to be anyone else.”

And with that, he placed a tender kiss to your cold lips.

Software Instability^^

When you pulled away, your heart was hammering at your ribcage.

“Conner, I’m so glad you feel that way.”

“Me too, Y/N.”

You press your face to his chest, breathing him in as if the world was about to end.

“Let’s get home and warm up. we can watch the sequel to Avengers if you like?” You weren’t one for small talk, but didn't know what else to do.

“Of course, Y/N, that’s a great idea.”

You laced your fingers through his, him gazing at you as you lead the way home.

And with that, Ladies, Gentlemen and Everyone In Between, I conclude the final part of the Coffee series!

[anxietysorbet]

Romantic fool

Coming at ya with a long, ranty, nonsensical post on my favourite topic.

Something about intense group fitness sessions, where the endorphins are flowing and the hormones run high, gets you in the mindset of thinking and talking about the #real stuff. 

So, love. Love love love. Love. So many thoughts. All of them contradictory, all of them probably incorrect. My best friend and I, similar in so many ways, are almost total opposites in this domain. I fall so hard, so deep and I let go of it like  I’m on clinging by my fingertips over a cliff’s edge -- i.e. painfully, unwillingly, slowly and terrifyingly. Once I love someone, I’ve kind of screwed myself over for life. And then my bestie, who knows me inside and out, and I would say the same of her from my end, cannot understand this. She’s never had that. She wants to, but she hasn’t even come close in her nearly twenty four years on this earth. Which is like, so fine, but I don’t know whether to envy that or feel bad for her. I guess it means she can only go up and has so much more to experience and enjoy, whereas I feel like I’ve peaked and now need to settle for being realistic, and, realistically unsatisfied. 

But that’s the thing. She said love needs to build you up, not tear you down. You need to go about it with a certain level of sensible practicality. I think sensibility has no place in “true love,” hence the very eponymous title of this post. And when I’ve experienced what it is (What I thought it was? What it is to me? What I would describe as true love? Idk, there are too many subjectivities in this area), yes, it messed me up and tore me apart and was far from always being sunshine and happiness and elation and staring into each other’s eyes, but also it WAS all those things at some point, and it was addictive, and all consuming and, quite simply, amazing. It’s literally the concept that’s inspired my first tattoo. I think it’s the main thing worth chasing in this world. 

So, a few further thoughts pertaining to all that:

I currently have a crippling mental block in my mind that revolves around this unhealthy concept that I won't move past my last experience, or manage to surpass the heights it brought me to. I have felt this way in the past and been gladly proven wrong, but last time was different, because it eclipsed all others. I've dangerously gotten with people whilst still hanging onto the last person I loved in my previous relationships. Last time was the one and only occasion I can say I truly forgot about everyone who had come beforehand. And I told my best friend that: I think it’s true love when you never even care to look at another person that way again. This one person eclipses all that came before them, and all that will come. You meet them and you just know, you know? Until they end up being/become fucked, and it’s like, “Well, shit, this clearly can’t work out no matter how madly in love I am.” I guess that’s where the sensible part comes in, but I question whether the balance is worth the trade off. 

So is it worth throwing everything away for “true love?” Wouldn’t “true love” not require you to do that, though? So many questions! Because I tend to err on the side of hopeless romance and follow my heart, I’m that idiot who finds themselves in an awful mess of a situation where your heart is so invested but your life, your mental state, your physical state and everything else are pretty much crumbling and begging for you to walk away for the sake of survival. Literally. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I’d stuck around. I’d be a shell of myself -- that’s what I was well on my way to becoming. I was always so angry and frustrated, and I had zero self esteem. Negative self esteem, even. I was self harming and throwing up and crying daily. That’s not love then, correct? But then why endure all that pain? Why else would I do that to myself? Now I’m feeling physically better than ever, a lot more mentally stable, and generally emotionally well. I’ve moved forward in strides and bounds. That would probably not have been possible in that situation, so I ponder again, was. that. love?  

And if we’re going to be all sensible and choose a person whom we not only kinda like, can kinda see ourselves tolerating til death do us part, who will be a stable influence in our lives and contribute equally and all that jazz, why bother? I think it’s totally unromantic to approach relationships that way, albeit a lot more responsible (and, given my track record, an approach I should seriously consider). Science™ says we fall in love because of the release of hormones, our biological attraction to other humans’ pheromones, the promise of instant gratification, and survival instincts. I despise all of that. Rationally I get that it’s unavoidable and true, but the romantic fool in me disputes this justification and insists there is some indescribable electricity that passes between two individuals that cannot be explained away, and most importantly, never replicated. To think that love at first sight or “true love” might just be pheromones meshing incredibly well is depressing. Equally, to think that if you spent enough time with a person you could probably fall in love with them brings dismay, but is also somewhat inspiring in a way? Idk???? What am I even saying at this point???

To conclude this rant, I guess I should just say that I feel like I’ve had highs and lows, and I’ve definitely felt as though I was in love. And I want that again. I hope it’s possible, and the thought that it may not be (due to my own mental/emotional blocks and limitations, possibly in place as a defence mechanism after past experiences), is shattering.

[aesjae]

1406 | Taeil

A/N: Hello! This is my second scenario imagine I am publishing. I have a few plots that I have on my mind on other members so do look forward to them :-)

Summary: The date, 1406. What significance would it be holding? In the room 1406, two strangers meet, but is it by coincidence, or by fate? As the encounter prevails, what would change between them?

Style/ Genre: Scenario/ Miscellaneous (?)

Word Count: 1,534 

Date posted: 5/07/17

“I’ll take room 1406.” A brown-haired man said to the staff behind the counter.

“Room 1406… Ah it’s occupied now but the current session is ending in 5 minutes. You can wait outside the room.” The staff told the man, as he paid for his fee for the karaoke room.

Taeil leisurely walked towards room 1406, the route so familiar to him he could easily navigate himself blindfolded.

As Taeil reached room 1406, he leant against the wall beside the door to its entrance. However, something seemed oddly out of place as Taeil was only faced with absolute silence from inside the room even after a full minute. Taeil couldn’t help himself but peek into the room through the small window on the door.

A girl. Face in her hands.

Taeil listened more carefully now.

Sobbing. Muffled, heartbreaking sobs clouded with raw and crude emotions.

Taeil did not understand why he felt miserably devastated by the sight, but he did, and his heart unknowingly reached out to her.

Before he could regain sense of his actions, Taeil had open the door to the room and sat down beside the sobbing girl.

The girl had felt the sofa to her right side sink, but she was so overwhelmed with emotions she just couldn’t ignore the tight clenching of her heart. However, when she felt a pair of big arms pulling her into a warm and secure embrace, she was willed to cry even harder into the stranger’s chest.

Taeil patted the girl’s forearm – assuringly, he hoped. She was definitely going to get swollen eyes and a terribly blocked nose. He patiently waited for her to calm her crying down, as her frantic sobs graduated down into gentle sniffles.

“Wait here.”

Taeil left the room, and not long later arrived back with a plate of cookies and a cup of hot chocolate from the refreshment bar in the karaoke box.

The girl looked up and received the food and drink from Taeil, both surprised and grateful.

“Are you feeling better now?” Taeil asked the girl concernedly. He honestly did not know why he was so worried for a stranger, but being around this particular girl gave him a sense of familiarity and a sense of protection over her that he somehow felt that he needed to uphold.

But why?

“Yea… I do. Thank you. Oh! I’m sorry I dragged into your session, I guess I’ll take my leave now.”

“N-no! E-Erm, I mean you can stay here as long as you like. You seem like you need some company, and some time out along with it…” Taeil said hesitantly.

“Uhm…” The girl wasn’t sure, should she? She definitely needed the company, but with a stranger? She couldn’t deny that he had provided her with an undeniable sense of security, especially when he comforted her.

“I have already taken care of the bill. Don’t worry about it. Just take it that I’m requesting of you to accompany this lonely guy?” Taeil gave the girl a sheepish smile, making the girl chuckle. She couldn’t reject him now.

“How about we introduce ourselves?” Taeil suggested.

“I’m (Y/N).”

“I’m Taeil. And I’m 23 going 24.”

“Oh my, you’re older than me, yet you don’t look like it,, Oh my gosh I’m jealous~”

“Really! Call me Oppa then!”

“What! No-!”

It had barely been 20 minutes since they met each other, but (Y/N) found it miraculous that the man in front of her could turn her from a crying blob into a mass of laughing fit in such a short amount of time.

It was the start of something magical and extraordinary.

From then on, what seemed to be an initial coincidence was like an arranged encounter by the skies as both Taeil and (Y/N) clicked with amazing chemistry. As if like telepathy with unspoken words, the two of them met each other every Wednesday, the second time 7 days after their first meeting, at the same time, same place, in the same room, without any prearranged plans.

“What does 1406 mean to you?” (Y/N) asked Taeil the fourth time they met. Both of them had this silent awareness that this particular set of numbers had a certain significance in each of their hearts, but never really bothered to probe.

“Erm…… I guess- it was the day when I first came out naked in public?” Taeil fake pondered.

“Oh my gosh Moon Taeil! Seriously? You even had to depict your birthday in such a crude manner?” (Y/N) instantly face-palmed herself. Taeil was trying too hard to make her laugh, but she secretly liked how try-hard he was, especially when it was for her.

“How about you? What’s special about this date to you?” Taeil questioned back.

(Y/N) was silent for a few moments.

“… It was the day when I first fell in love.”

Taeil’s eyes widened by an inch.

“The first time we met… Is it?”

“Yes. Yes it was. I fell hard but he broke my heart.” (Y/N) was on the brink of tears as she tried to push her tears back. She had tried her hardest to avoid this topic for the past 3 weeks, as her heart ached so badly every time she thought about it, she would lose every ounce of will to even face the world.

“Wha-What a jerk! He received the love of a precious gem and yet he treated it like shit? Wow, man, you should be glad you broke it with him. He doesn’t deserve you.” Taeil fumed.

(Y/N)’s heart was aching, but seeing Taeil’s reaction had made her feel slightly more light-hearted, as she chuckled lightly, feeling touched by his protectiveness. She found herself feeling happier after the tragic end with her first love. But was it because she was finally getting over him, or was it because she met Taeil? She didn’t realise then.

The act of exchanging numbers between the both of them was like the applying adhesive to their fingers and their phones as they texted each other continuously daily, which conversations effortlessly resumed every Wednesday in the karaoke room.

I’ve been spending the last eight months, thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end.

7th June. A week before Taeil’s birthday. Nearly 8 months have passed ever since Taeil and (Y/N) have met, and they have gotten incredibly close. Before both of them knew it, they had become reliant on each other in this interdependent relationship. They would talk, craze, rant, and do all stuff together inside and outside of room 1406.

“8 months have passed since we met Taeil. I’m honestly so glad that coincidental meeting we had actually happened. Now I would never be able to actually imagine my Wednesdays not being spent with you.” (Y/N) shot Taeil a grateful smile as Taeil returned it back with the same expression.

Taeil took one of (Y/N)’s hand in his and stroked the back of it gently. “Me too.”

Taeil felt comfortable, warm and free when he was around (Y/N), and the shy and introverted him was able to enjoy much more thanks to her. He was aware of his own emotions, but he didn’t want to conclude that easily yet.

(Y/N) felt secure, assured, protected when she was around Taeil, and the greatly heartbroken girl that she was 8 months ago was replaced with a lively and bubbly one thanks to him. She was aware that something was blossoming, but she couldn’t pinpoint what exactly yet.

14th June.

“Happy Birthday, Taeil-ah!!!!”

“Aww, no ‘oppa’?” Taeil sulked playfully. (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed instantly as she hit Taeil’s arm in retaliation and embarrassment.

That day they both sang countless songs and reminiscing the memories they have had shared over the past few months. Time flew, and feelings were hitting them just as fast, hard.

“Taeil, since it’s your birthday, let’s go to that nice cafe downtown and get a cake to celebrate!”

“Okay but you’re paying~”

“oKAY”

But on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again.

Taeil reached out his whipped cream covered finger to the unsuspecting (Y/N), wiping the white heavenly goodness onto her face. (Y/N) felt the cold sensation of the cream and shot her head up to see a Taeil giggling to himself non-stop. As (Y/N) reached up to her face and realised that Taeil had ruined the makeup she took so long to do ( and all for Taeil I must add ), she looked up at him with a betrayed expression.

“oH NO YOU DID NOT. I spent 2 hours doing my makeup Moon Taeil! You’re not getting away with this. So. Not!!!” (Y/N) shrieked playfully, attracting the attention of other customers in the cafe, but (Y/N) and Taeil didn’t seem to care as they were lost in their fits of laughter. In each other eyes, only the person sitting opposite them was present in that time frame.

On a Wednesday, in a cafe, Taeil and (Y/N) watched something begin, as both of them witnessed love to no longer break, burn and end.

On a Wednesday, in a cafe, both of them witnessed a new start, as they rewrote the significance of 1406: the place and time of their love.

*The two lines in italics are lyrics from Taylor Swift’s Begin Again. No hate comments on Taylor Swift or the song. This is a NCT imagine and I will not tolerate any hate comments on anybody.

[dalhousiediaries]

A Suicidal Rant.

♪ Currently listening to: Playlist: Café montréalais by Spotify ♪ 📚 Currently reading: A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki 📚 

Writing about suicide has never come easy for me.  

Or maybe it has, since every time I sit myself down to write about something, that’s the first thing that comes to mind.  Perhaps I’m fascinated with death and the idea of the paradoxical “life-after-death” belief so many people possess.  But, who hasn’t thought about death once in their lifetime?  I’m no exception.

I’ve been really thinking about this topic, whether to post it up on this blog (dalhousiediaries) or whether to start up a new blog entirely, a new personal blog to post content with topics like this, whenever I feel the urge to write about something philosophical or I guess, whenever I feel the powerful urge to write the deep thoughts that linger in my mind.  The unspeakable content that rests only in the deepest and untampered portions of my brain.

Personally speaking, as a child I never really thought about the afterlife, or what would happen to me after death.  It seemed so laid out to me, almost mechanical.  People would mourn, a funeral would be held, a celebration of life that has passed, and then I guess, people would get over the fact that I was no longer breathing on this planet, in this world, living in this time. However, as I grew older, that changed.  Not the actual process aforementioned, but the sociological and the emotional process of “getting over someone”.  I say this because I’ve felt this firsthand.  

Living in Halifax, being separated from my family and friends back home was basically like dying socially.  I was no longer present to take part in hangouts, physically be there to make new memories and the only way people could interact with me was through the Internet.  You’d think a lot of people would contact me and at least, try to keep in touch, but when everyone’s busy getting their own life together and amid their own worries, I don’t particularly blame anyone for growing distant.   It’s just interesting, in the beginning of the semester, so many people missed me, talked to me, and even cried about my departure – just like a real death had occurred.  It really made me think “is this what would happen if I died?”.  Of course, time stops for no one, and as the months went on, perchance my friends had realized I would be back soon enough or had gotten swamped by the amount of work they had to do in their respective programs, I had stopped receiving such messages and contact from friends back in BC.

I’m not upset about that at all.  Despite what it seems like.  It’s just interesting from my point of view, almost like a simulation of life on earth after my death – only on a much, much, smaller scale.

Why am I writing about this? Did something happen to make me contemplate my own death? Am I suicidal? No, I am not.

I’m currently reading a novel called A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki (a tantalizing read, might I add).  The novel talks quite a lot about one’s inevitable demise, whether it be intentionally sparked or a natural one.  The setting is partially set in Japan around the 1940s(?), and the other half set in modern-day Whaletown, BC, a very real place on the Cortes Island.  The novelist, Ruth Ozeki, encounters a Hello Kitty lunchbox that acts as a safe keep for the diary of a Japanese girl, Naoko Yasutani, who narrates her daily life through purple gel pen ink and a DIY diary.

The perspective switch between Ruth and Naoko is not only well done, but gives a different insight and contrast between the two characters, and their very different lives, despite the same ethnic heritage.  The reader follows Ruth as she reads the log of Naoko, following her life page by page, discovering information at the same time as the audience.  It’s as if Naoko’s reaching out from the right side, while Ruth and the audience are reaching towards Naoko from the left – hoping to collide in the middle.

Okay so, why did this book spark my interest in death and suicide again?

It’s a topic that Naoko toys with a lot in the novel, or I guess, in her diary.  She writes about her and her family’s experience moving from Japan to Silicon Valley in the States due to her father being a computer science programmer or some sort like that, settling down in Sunnyvale, California, where she spent the majority of her life there.  Her family dynamic is drastically flipped on its head when her father gets laid off, and Nao (as she’s commonly referred to) and her family emigrate back to Japan.

Nao gets bullied relentlessly by her classmates. Her mother spends all her days watching the jellyfish in the aquarium before getting an office job. Her father becomes a hikikomori (ひきこもり), spending his days in the park, feeding the crows.  Feigning work in the early days of returning to the Land of the Rising Sun.

Nao’s father, Haruki as his name is revealed, decides to commit suicide by jumping in front of a train, the Chuo Rapid Express, which apparently; is one of the more popular methods of self-execution according to a self account Ruth finds whilst searching for the history and the current whereabouts of the Yasutani’s.

I had understood why Haruki Yasutani would want to commit suicide, his shame from lying to his family about finding a new job, the fact that he had fallen from such a successful position and left with nothing, the stripping of all pride and dignity spending his days feeding the crows at the nearby park, feeling sorry for his wife and daughter especially for not being able to support them.  I guess you could say, he was spiraling into a deep depression.

I, unfortunately, could tie this with the current situation with my father.

I now realize why this topic has been on my mind for so long, why this situation with Nao and her father captivated my interest and cultivated my thoughts to yield this fruit of epiphany.  I suppose I can conclude that I’m writing this, and have been writing about this topic for months because it’s a very real situation that I simply cannot ignore anymore.  Am I venting? Yeah, I think I can say that I am.

Though I’m frustrated, I know someone who’s even more frustrated with themselves – my father.

He’s not dead, readers.

But there’s something that tugs at my heartstrings and some evil spirit that puts in unfavourable thoughts in my daily life.  What if he had died?

It’s natural to see your parents or guardians suffer, to struggle through with the adulty-responsibilities we all have to one day face.  Having said that, there’s nothing wrong with suffering a little bit, to have a bit of hardship in your life to harden yourself into a better person.  The more experience one accumulates over their lifetime, more often than naught, they are more valued, wiser, knowledgeable and so on.  I don’t doubt that at all.

I strongly believe in strength acquired by difficult situations and times.  After all, I have had my fair share of disturbing moments in life, times that have disrupted my, at the time, established rhythmic pattern that made up my daily (mundane) life.  It’s like an iron sword in the making.  The more you forge and burn it in fire, the more strengthened it becomes, or it could take on a different shape entirely and the blacksmith may decide in last minute haste, to produce a sickle or a dagger instead.  Of course I’m no ironworker or familiar with blacksmithing, but there’s my poor attempt at creating a relatable metaphor.

I can confidently say that my parents have seen their fair share of difficult times, for Heaven’s sake, they immigrated to a foreign land with no family other than themselves and me, little to no money and what connections do you think a middle aged Korean couple would have overseas in the land of the maple leaf, hockey, and apparently endless winters, the land Koreans called Kenada (캐나다) rather than the rounder sound that native English speakers called, Canada? I’ll tell you that they had no connections.

I’ve always appreciated the work my parents have put in their life here in Canada.  I’ve always admired the strength they’ve showed over the past 18-19 years, or maybe it was feigned strength in hopes that their only daughter doesn’t catch on to their fears and sense the very real struggles and hardship that living as immigrants unfortunately brings to the table.

Recently, and mayhap this is just me putting up my father’s dirty laundry for all to see, but my father has been acting drastically different – even he’s saying he’s “no longer the same dad as [he] was in the past”, which of course I’ve noticed the change as the years flew by – living with the man for 18-19 years, one would hope I noticed the changes.  He’s a man that would do anything for me, well not anymore I guess but back in the earlier days, I suppose.

The whole reason why we have Sien (my dog) now is because I’ve pestered him for years to get a dog, to which he promised we would when our family became homeowners – a promise that seemed farfetched now, but in 7-8 years we had become just that, homeowners. Along came the dog in another 3 years or so.  Initially against the idea, he gave in just to see me happy, and perchance he noticed my own change in personality, he wanted to see me change positively, secretly praying the dog would aid in my transition back to the positive daughter I once was.

But anyway, my father explained to me the other day, in blind rage, a firm voice with an angry tone yet one can sense the slightest bit of tremble at the back of his throat, that he was changing, like an adolescent in the middle of puberty, like how my mother would one day go through menopause. This is a phenomena I’d like to dub as manopause.

Over the years, I’ve heard some pretty unsettling things fly from my father’s mouth.  Like him asking me whether I’d approve of him dating other women, getting a divorce with mum, or what would happen if he had enlisted in the possible war that might occur between South and North Korea, and if he had died.  He had asked me about the matter of his demise on numerous occasions, each with different executions – from his death in the war, to him killing himself, and how.

I always knew what to say to his questions; his life was his own and if he wanted to get a divorce with mum because he’s had enough, that’s good on him and he can go for it, if he wanted to date other women, sure – only except that I had to pre-approve of my potential step-mother before their relationship escalates.  But when it came to his death, I never knew what to say.  Or more like, I didn’t want to say the wrong thing that could possibly, even if there was a slight chance, intensify his desire to carry out the action.

Anyway, I’m pretty content with what I’ve written and though it wasn’t originally what I had intended to write about suicide and my unruly fascination with it, I feel like this took priority.  If this triggered anyone, I’m sorry – but it really needed to get off my mind and keeping it private or unpublished seemed to defeat the purpose of writing it down in the first place.  Maybe, this is my silent cry for help.  That maybe God is reading this, and can restore peace into my father.

He had told me, again in blind fury; “At least you’re gone in Halifax.  At least you have somewhere else to go here.  I have no where to go.  I’m stuck, stressed.  But it makes me feel better knowing that you’re over there”.

In the odd chance my dad is reading this, because occasionally my mum will read my posts and share them with my father;

Sorry Dad, I love you.

[solemn-demons]

Rant #1 Equality

I’m putting this here for three purposes. 

1.) It’s a great stress reliever and sometimes you just have to pretend like your actually talking to someone. 

2.) No one is ever likely to read this besides my future self. 

3.) Because I’m tired of this shit and even if no one ever reads this and everyone disagrees, at least I’ve put it out there. It’s almost impossible to make everyone happy, so I’m not going to try. 

I’m going to place this based on topic because otherwise this will be a giant ugly rant and no one likes giant text blocks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Equality~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I get where everyone is coming from on this topic. Going on just the bare basics:

Women want to be treated with respect, seen as an integral part of society, and honestly not treated like a piece of meat every day. 

Men want to feel secure and conform to the beliefs and ideals they grew up with.  

People of different skin tones want to feel safe in their daily lives while also being given the respect and acknowledgment they deserve. 

People classified as white want to conform to what they have been taught as a child and have grown up believing is true while also wanting to remove the stigma of their skin color and what people with it have done to others.

LGBTQ people want to be accepted and uplifted rather than seen with disgust and scorn.

Disabled people want to be seen as people not just their issues.

Mentally ill people want to be treated like their issues are more than just a simple inconvenience for other people and more like someone that’s fighting a serious illness. 

Overweight people want to be seen as beautiful.

Skinny people want others to understand that just because they have the “ideal body type” doesn’t mean their happy, along with the hard work they put into these body types. 

Yes, I am well aware these are bare bone statements and there will always be exceptions to this. However it is, for the most part, correct. Now from this we can conclude a couple things. Everyone seems to want respect, everyone wants a change in the societal standards and everyone wants to change how their seen by others. This is a rational and frankly reasonable desire. How it’s being dealt with, however, is not. 

To start I’d like to look at the definition of Equality. 

“The state of being equal, especially in status, rights and opportunities.” Google dictionary.

“the quality or state of being equal” Merriam Webster. 

Now your thinking: “Yeah? What’s your point?” Well my point is that based on the definition of equality everyone should be given the exact same designs of life. 

Now lets look at the definition of Justice. 

“Just behavior or treatment.” Google Dictionary.

The quality of being fair and reasonable.” Google dictionary.

“the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments.” Merriam Webster.

“The quality of being just, impartial or fair.” Merriam Webster.

“The quality of conforming to law.” Merriam Webster.

Now, you’ve probably rolled your eyes at me but just listen and then you can always just scroll away or leave a bitchy comment about how I’m racist or antifeminist or antigovernment or I’m for murdering children or whatever made up BS your going to put so you can discredit my opinion. 

If we we’re run by a system of equality it would mean that everyone has the exact same opportunities. Meaning that even if, for example, I wanted to be an actor I would get that opportunity and I would be given the part I want no matter what, but so would every other person that wants to be an actor and wants that part. This would also mean that everyone has the opportunity for the same house, the same yard and eventually it’s likely that everyone will want the same abilities all together. 

With that said lets look at an extreme case, which is fiction of course, of this lovely concept. Anyone ever read “Harrison Bergeron” by Kurt Vonnegut? This lovely short story is about equality laws being taken to the extreme. To create the perfect equality based society they put handicaps on everyone. No one was special, no one was different and no one was free. Of course your first thought is “but thats fiction, it would never really happen.” Humans have proved that fiction can be made reality once you understand the fundamentals and pieces of the design. Fiction is simply something that seems impossible based on the knowledge of that specific time. Humans use to attribute the impossible to gods or magic until they began to understand what was creating these things. Hell, I’m pretty sure they thought fire was magic until they understood its properties. 

Before you start with your religious rebuttals, I’d like to remind that this isn’t the religion rant and I won’t deal with this BS right now. 

Now lets go to a more trivial idea of equality. I have a friend who is severely allergic to peanuts, to the point he has to carry epipens on his hip at all times. So if we look at this situation, theres not an equal balance from the beginning. He can’t have a snickers bar or a nutter butter while I can. Equality wise I should not be allowed to eat snickers or nutter butter because he can’t and with the high percentage of peanut allergies, peanuts would probably be banned because it’s to unequal. 

So I’d like to suggest we think not in terms of Equality but in terms of Justice. What in these situations is fair? What isn’t? 

So lets look at fair separated out into our categories. 

Women: 

To be treated with the same respect as men.

To not be looked at for their gender but for their merits in jobs.

To be allowed to walk down a street without being worried about who might be following.

To be able to choose what type of person they are and to not be forced into archaic stereotypes.

To not be looked down upon if they want to stay in the same lifestyle

as those archaic stereotypes 

To be seen as strong and fierce.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

Men: 

To be treated with the same respect as men and alpha males.

To not be looked down on for being emotional.

To feel safe when talking to a woman or asking one out.

To not be called a predator based on looks or merit alone.

To be allowed to be the weak one in a relationship and in society.

To be a stay at home dad without being made fun of.

To be able to be taken serious when they say they’ve been raped or

taken advantage of.

To be judged on their actions not on their stereotypes.

People of different skin tones:

To be treated with respect.

To be acknowledged for the integral part they are to society.

To be looked at for jobs not because of skin tone but because of merit.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be able to use their native languages and cultures without being looked down on or yelled at based on the idea that they are in America.

Actual freedom of religion.

To be judged on their actions not on their stereotypes.

People of white skin tones:

To be treated with respect.

To be released from the stigmas of those stuck in the past.

To be taken serious based on their merits not their skin color.

To feel included.

To feel safe.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

LGBTQ:

To be treated with respect. 

To be accepted.

To be free.

To feel included.

To feel safe.

To be seen as normal.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes. 

Disabled people:

To be treated with respect.

To not be pitied.

To not be dismissed.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be understood.

To be seen as more than their disability.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes. 

Mentally ill: 

To be treated with respect.

To be seen as having an actual issue.

To not be dismissed.

To be understood.

To have no stigma.

Feel comfortable in sharing their issues.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

Overweight: 

To be treated with respect.

For people to understand that sometimes it’s not by choice.

To be understood.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be seen as normal.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

Skinny: 

To be treated with respect. 

To be acknowledged for the work they go through to stay in shape.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be understood.

To be judged based on their actions not their stereotypes.

While there is always exceptions to everything, the basic understanding is that everyone wants to be respected and judged not on a generalized scale but by their own actions. 

If history could be wiped clean and remade I don’t believe it would be any different. Ignorance, greed, pride, and desire are sadly one of the few consistencies in all cultures and era’s of the world, and while history may be ugly or boring or conflict with our own beliefs we must learn from it. To see all that ugly, all the losses, all the victories, and learn from those mistakes. To take history with a grain of salt and to look at multiple sources. 

The point is, knowledge is power and power is how you cause a change in the world. So maybe next time you read about some white officer shooting an African American, the new plans for that ridiculous wall that Trump has decided to build, some poor girl that lost her innocence to violence, or see that one bully that is being particularly mean to someone. 

Remember that school isn’t the only place people are educated, and even then schools are not completely blameless. Each person learns from their experiences and each experience makes a new person. 

Stop looking at situations in black or white. 

Stop advocating for a system you don’t fully understand just because it seems like a good idea. 

Stop bitching about societal norms, when you don’t put in any effort to change them or if you are but your not looking at all societies. 

Please if nothing else: Remember that every person has been through something horrific, that every person has been through a wonderful situation even if they don’t realize it. That everyone will hurt you and you will hurt everyone, but its how you respond to a situation that matters.

Alrighty thats the end of this rant. Hope you enjoy it future me. 

[block-swing-perry]

raph legits full on smooth as a bug in a rug comforts mikey after the bradford incident on his own and tells him that he thinks hes an awesome guy and that he deserves nice friends and yet *gestures to the general 2012 crossover fics* y'all keep mistreating his character!!!! ahhhh!!!!