#and that strains the relationship and is also bad for you mental health trust me I know it from experience

[girlscarpia]

.

[koolkat9]

@bluudpop you have inspired me to expand on the human au with these tags though I diverge from them quite a bit...

GILBERT AND LUDWIG

Okay! Starting with Gil. Actually I don't think he's divorced or was ever married. He had Ludwig young like 16/17 either because he was pressured into sex by his girlfriend or because he was having a religious crisis and he had sex as a way to try to break free from the church.

Anyway, the girl ends up pregnant and her parents are not happy. Gil's dad (Germania) is also not happy, but he at least realizes that there is no changing this so he makes sure his son is involved through the pregnancy. The girl's parents are hard on her and as much as Gil tries to make his house a safe space for her, as soon as the baby is born, she dumps the baby on Gilbert and makes a run for it.

Luckily Gilbert has the support of his dad through it all. Until his dad suddenly passes away when Gilbert is 20 and little Ludwig is only 3/4. Gil no longer has that safety net. It's just him and Ludwig and now he's completely responsible for Ludwig's well being. Not to mention he's mourning his father who was that figure always there for him (Gil's mom died before he was 3).

Very lost and with a pile of money from his dad, he moves to a small town, opens up a mechanic shop. He finds out there is a parent support group at the recreation center and decides to go. It also has a daycare type thing while the parents talk so it would be good to get Ludwig socializing since that has been a struggle.

ARTHUR, ALFRED AND MATTHEW (AND FRANCIS)

I've been actually wait for an au where Fr//Uk divorces and Arthur is put the position of being the primary caregiver. Anyway, Arthur actually was married, but he's currently getting divorced from Francis. They had adopted the twins together, but it just added strain on their already strained relationship and they both knew that it was in the best interest of the kids that they separate. But it's hard on Arthur because he really loved Francis, they were together since highschool, spend college together. Now he's alone and he starts being the primary caregiver to the twins as Francis becomes more and more distant. Francis sees the kids yes, but they become more like an uncle/aunt.

One five year old child is a handful and two feels impossible. He's at least lucky Matthew is a well behaved child. Quiet, keeps to himself, has some issues with some of his clothing (sensitive to texture) and socially he seems to struggle, but otherwise never causes any fuss. Al on the other hand his bouncing off the walls, with a nose for trouble, consuming all of Arthur's time. Arthur is missing how Matthew is struggling and Matt feels kind of cast off to the side.

And Arthur is not doing mentally well. His mental health has rarely ever been good, but the divorce and parental stress has sent him spiraling. Oh. I just had a bad but juicy idea. Arthur having an issue with alcohol and gets blackout drunk with the twins around. Alastair catches wind of it and is absolutely pissed. But Dylan steps in, gives Arthur the ultimatum of getting help for his alcoholism or they'll take the kids. Of course Arthur chooses to get help (reluctantly, but still, those kids mean the world to him). Alastair doesn't trust him and basically moves in and helps him with the boys.

Dylan finds the parent support group and encourages Arthur to go. Arthur doesn't want to, but Dylan convinces him some way. And that's how Arthur ends up at the support group with Gil.

I want to add more parents but I don't know who...Feel free to suggest more parents because these are like the only two family units I have a lot of thoughts about.

I'll talk more about the kids in another post

[venomous-ragno]

you’re a combat medic! i’m deciding on whether i want to enlist and join as a medic since i used to be a nurse! i’m not from germany but how was the process and training for you as a medic in germany?

Would I recommend anyone enlisting?

No. No, I wouldn't.

I can already hear you, "but venomous! You're a soldier too!" Yes, I am, and that's the exact reason why I can say this.

I've yet to meet even one soldier who wasn't looking forward to their contract ending. Not a single one. And I get it. Attending one funeral too many is a burden like no other. The physical strain this career imposes on you is like no other.

But I'm not here to talk saint. Instead I'd like to offer some tips and viewpoints that should help you make a decision not based on a want, but on information and careful consideration.

1. Us soldiers over here call the military the "best and worst employer in the entire country". Why do we call it that? Cause contrary to other countries, Germany's got a fuckton of laws protecting you as the employee. You won't be abandoned when you become unfit for service and you'll be taken care of even after you leave the military. Does your country offer that, op? Before you enlist you should check on what the military will do for you should you no longer be able to work. Pay attention to how your country treats veterans.

2. Be prepared to give up a lot. I'm not talking nail polish and lipstick, but hobbies and future dreams. Ever wanted a pet? No time to take care of one if you'll be spending six months in Irak. Wanna have a fullfilling relationship? People rarely want to date a soldier, and even if they do, the relationship often breaks apart. Your job will always be your number one priority and nothing can change that.

3. Your loved ones will hurt. They'll be confronted with the possibility of you dying. It's a tough pill to swallow, and some might not accept it at all. They may try to talk you out of it, guilt trip you, say and do anything they hope will get you to change your mind. Seen it happen too many times. Enlisting in the military is a choice that affects them too.

4. The mental and physical toll the military takes on you. There's a reason most soldiers leave due to severe PTSD - it comes with the job. Mental health problems run rampant within the military. Training to become a combat medic especially is one of the hardest careers you can pick. If you're a woman you'll have to meet the same standards your male comrades do. Can't keep up? Well that's too damn bad. Your expertise as a nurse will certainly help you here and there, but field medicine ain't to be taken lightly. There's a lot more involved than one might think; I had to study and memorise different chemical, atomic and biological components, in what dosage they negatively affect the human body, which plants are poisonous and which safe to eat? You won't only be studying medicine, but war related stuff as well. It's a lot and it's tough.

5. Do research on what former soldiers have to say about being in the military. Recruiters will tell you what you want to hear, but not what you need to hear. Pay close attention as to why they left the military.

6. The most important one in my opinion: Do not enlist if your country is at war. You'll be nothing but a pawn whose life will be wasted away in some operation that was only given the green light because emotions are running high. Same goes for terrorist attacks and similar. Enlist in times of peace if you must.

7. Make peace with the fact that if when you do enlist, you may not be allowed to do what you dream of doing. Standards for combat medics are high - medical personnell is rare, partly also bc it makes you the prime target for enemies to shoot at. (Guess why medics aren't allowed to wear the red cross anymore--) If you've got any physical weaknesses you might be unfit to become a medic.

8. If you do end up enlisting, do not fuck around with comrades. Trust me when I tell you that any flings and one night stands will be public knowledge. Worse even, you might gain the reputation of being a "mattress" aka someonw who sleeps around. Serious relationships are less problematic, but personally, I'd avoid those too. Break ups can be nasty.

9. Think about your career goals and what you expect of yourself. You can be totally fine with having a lower rank and not wanting to advance at all, but... People tend to equate rank with worth. In other words: If you're low in rank, expect to be treated like shit because of it. Not saying it's an every day thing, but... It happens often. Talking back will get you nowhere. If anything, people will get the impression you're cheeky. And word carries.

10. Be aware that once you're in, you're in. You need to be someone with a strong moral compass and sense of duty to make it. You need to be competitive but capable of teamwork, you need to be reliable, trustworthy, and so so much more that, should you realise this isn't for you after all, there's no going back.

[emmathorne]

This right here is exactly the risk we're talking about with parasocial relationships.

Context: This is a viewer of mine who made a video asking me questions and popped into a couple of streams of mine. A fan, a stranger. Out of nowhere, they tweeted at me asking for advice for someone who wants to end their life in 6 months, their family doesn't care for them etc.

I get a lot of messages and tweets and stuff every day, including ones that attempt to cross a personal boundary like this. I've also had someone IRL threaten suicide and it is fucking awful to deal with. I replied with a list of global crisis lines and blocked them. I stand by that as the right thing to do for me and for them.

As far as I was concerned, that was the end of it. I cut communication with someone who doesn't understand the boundaries that need to exist between a creator and a fan. They were still in my discord, I blocked them from speaking to me personally but I didn't ban them from anywhere- to me it was about removing communication between us for both our sakes. It's clear that between their initial reaction of feeling apologetic and this message, they had gotten very angry at me not just for blocking them, but for not giving them the response they wanted.

I am not a mental health professional. There is no way to know whether I would give good or terrible advice, and I don't want to risk the latter. I've struggled with my own mental health issues all my life. My emotional lows come in a cycle, and if their tweet had come in the low part of the month for me, I could have had a really bad reaction- no one wants someone else's life to be suddenly in their hands. Of course they couldn't have known that about me- but that's the point. They don't know me. That's exactly why you don't reach out to a stranger, especially one you look up to as a fan, who could exert power over you. Imagine if I was a cruel and manipulative person, having just been handed a vulnerable individual who looks up to me.

From the final, guilt tripping message here, it seems like they may have envisioned a future in which we were friends or collaborators, and maybe that influenced their feelings here. The reality of the here and now is that they reached out to a stranger, someone whose curated videos they enjoyed watching from thousands of miles away.

I'm not angry at this person. They're young and going through a shitty time and it's normal to make mistakes. I hope that getting pissed at me makes them feel better, I really do, because that's a lot better than straining any real relationships they have.

There's not much to say that hasn't been said on parasocial relationships so I'll keep it really simple.

Don't trauma dump on strangers. You don't know what people are going through. If you reach out and find yourself unanswered or blocked etc by someone you looked up to, it's ok to be mad, but chances are they're just doing what is best for them and probably you too. The best thing you can do is seek professional resources and lean on your irl trust network. It's not easy, but they will undoubtedly give better advice than an internet stranger ever could.

[tobi-smp]

it’s still the tommy-apologist holiday here in the states, so let me say something controversial:

doomsday wasn’t a mutual betrayal between technoblade and tommy, technoblade’s feelings were hurt and he has the right to feel that way but he was the one that had been overstepping tommy’s boundaries from the beginning and got hurt when tommy tried to pull himself back.

tommy only agreed to an alliance on the condition that they’d be causing “minor” terrorism in l’manberg, that l’manberg Wouldn’t get destroyed and that tubbo wouldn’t be hurt, which tommy reinforced multiple times. technoblade intentionally let him believe in that lie when he had no intention of upholding those terms because he Specifically wanted to change tommy’s morals to the point that he’d eventually agree with it. techno may have done this because he genuinely thought that it’d be a good thing for tommy, but it wasn’t his right or his Place to decide that he could do that, especially as time went on and he realized how unstable tommy currently was ("Oh my god, you just have no freewill whatsoever." - technoblade to tommy during dream’s first surprise visit to techno’s house).

technoblade revealed that he’d been lying to tommy about this this entire time, which tommy would’ve had the right to get angry with him about. again, I cannot stress enough that this is technoblade revealing that he’d lied to tommy and had been using tommy to help him get ready to destroy his home, whether technoblade actually needed tommy’s help or not is irrelevant because this makes tommy complicit and changes the entire circumstances around their partnership. This was an actual act of betrayal, the betrayal of tommy’s trust.

it didn’t go that way however, because techno Did successfully manipulate tommy here (and it is manipulation, whether we want to think of it that way or not). techno presented l’manberg in a purely negative light (insisting that tubbo specifically was a bad person who’d never been tommy’s friend), he encouraged tommy’s more violent coping mechanisms, and then when he thought tommy was far enough along he revealed what he’d wanted to do while insisting that he Trusted tommy now and holding the idea of genuine friendship over his head. (”You could actually be useful. You could actually be, dare I say it, a friend.” “That’s all I ever wanted.”)

none of this means that techno didn’t genuinely like tommy or that he wasn’t genuinely trying to look out for him, but tommy was blatantly coerced into joining techno’s cause here when it’d been explicitly against his boundaries. tommy Never wanted to destroy l’manberg, he wanted a relationship that he felt safe and wanted in, he wanted to be happy. techno presented himself as someone who cared about tommy, and then he presented tommy helping him destroy l’manberg as the key to his friendship when he was literally the only person that tommy had (and had made sure to emphasize that). of course tommy agreed.

tommy had tried to convince himself that he was okay with techno’s plans, but as soon as he’d genuinely hurt tubbo that illusion was shattered. he realized then and there that on a moral And emotional level he could not stand to see tubbo hurt without seeing himself as a monster. tommy’s reaction here was inward when it so easily could’ve been outward, could’ve been outward anger at the man who railroaded him into this situation despite his wishes, and it just wasn’t.

at this moment tommy Still trusted techno, he was honest with techno immediately and was Clearly having a breakdown. techno’s reaction was immediately the offensive (asking tommy if he “really wants to do this” doesn’t count as giving tommy a fair chance, especially when techno has Seen and talked tommy down from his panic attacks before), tommy was immediately Dead to him while Tommy was still willing to make a compromise (tommy thought that techno would be receptive to a compromise because he’d been tricked into thinking he was getting one before, but he wasn’t and techno would never settle for that).

techno presented himself as someone that tommy could trust and rely on (and particularly as someone who’d be patient with him during his breakdowns, which the confrontation at the community house definitely was), that’s Why tommy was honest with him and Why he’d felt comfortable enough with him to say how he felt in plain words as best as he could (compare “I’m worse than everyone I never wanted to be” to “Wilbur wasn’t so poggers” and it’s immediately obvious what I mean). On Top Of techno (falsely) presenting tommy’s participation as a choice, he’d already made tommy participate by getting tommy to help with the preparations before telling tommy the truth about what they’d been preparing for, tommy had already been complicit before he could make an informed choice. it also goes without saying that techno immediately partnered with dream with no remorse. that’s strike two and three of betraying tommy’s trust.

tommy had been trying to reach techno all throughout doomsday, it wasn’t until it was over that tommy had been completely disillusioned with techno. his conclusion was that techno had Never been his friend because he could not imagine someone who cared about him ever reacting to that situation the way that techno did or hurting someone who He cared about in the way that techno did.

and even then, even despite all of that, tommy Still cares about him even if he Does genuinely still believe that technoblade never cared about him.

when you actually look at the situation it’s technoblade tricking a traumatized teen into helping him destroy something that techno knew was important to him while further straining tommy’s relationships with people that techno knew he still cared about (by intentionally withholding information) and then getting so explosively angry when tommy tried to pull back that he made him the main focus of doomsday despite the people who tried to literally murder him also being there.

tommy hurt techno by deciding that he couldn’t let him hurt his best friend or destroy his country without severely damaging his own mental health and self worth After he’d made it clear that this was a moral boundary for him.

that’s not mutual at all, there is literally nothing even about their actions towards each other or the power between their dynamic. they were Mutually upset, they were not Mutually betrayed.

[stormblessed95]

I just happen to think about fanservice or acting it out for the camera a lot lately. I'm going to unfollow the jikook tags most probably after this, too much mess in my head. But I just wanted to share this and maybe seek an opinion.

Many say that jikook is fanservice but many also say that if it's fanservice then they should be given Oscar. But again many say that they are the worst at acting and that's when we get obvious jikook moments.

So my question is if they are bad at acting and controlling their emotions, how are they able to act platonic 90% of the time, if they are couple? It's just the 10% we see as suspicious couple moments.

The question itself is like an infinity loop in my head...

Jikook-bad at acting-hence couple vibes/flirting.

Jikook-good at acting-hence fanservice and nothing to see there.

I'm doubting myself at the moment for joining BTS fandom this year. The stuff on internet is too too much. I want to be less exposed to their personal lives (bombs, behind scenes, memories...) and be only exposed to their music (like 1D or Taylor Swift). In fact I never even knew Larry was a thing until I came to know about BTS ships. Possibly because I was younger during one direction time and I didn't explore much. Taylor and Harry thing I knew but again I didn't research much or follow blogs the way I am doing for jikook 😂

Ah I'm going crazy... Anyway if this makes sense, please do let me know your thoughts on "acting" thing. You can edit out the mention of other artists if that's against your blog guidelines.

Hello. You sound stressed. Take a few deep breathes and relax. To start, don't get so overly invested that you cause yourself any type of mental strain or stress or anxiety. Remember that the relationship we have with BTS is a parasocial one. They don't technically owe us anything. If it would be best for your mental health to take some steps back and only focus on their music, do so! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you ever just need to talk, we are here for you! 💜 there is a lot of content as well as a lot of music out there, it can be easy to get overwhelmed by it all.

Second, I would advise you as well to follow through on the plan unfollowing all of the jikook tags or any others. Curating your timeline, either here or Twitter or any SM sites is so important. There are literally millions of fans in this fandom and there is a very loud and very toxic minority. Follow the accounts you like and that you trust and that puts out good content and remains respectful in their opinions. The only tags on here that I follow are ones for my favorite book series, that way my home page is only the people I follow popping up or book quotes/art. And on Twitter, I follow the tags for the artists and that's it. My timeline is curated pretty well to people who I want to see on there.

Third, BTS do not really do fanservice. They used to in the very early years, but not any more. They really do pride themselves on showing ARMY true and genuine interactions and genuine emotion and how they truly feel. It's important to them and it's part of what makes them so special with all the extra content they share. Dismissing their bonds (any of them) as fanservice is truly very disrespectful and i wouldn't pay much attention to the people who try to say that BTS are acting when they do things together. I would recommend you read my posts about BTS & Fanservice from my masterlist to get more detailed information about that. There are 4 posts total about fanservice, they are under the important posts/asks topic. I'll link that whole topic post here:

Yes. Jimin is for sure the worst actor in the group. Jungkook isn't much better. So, no, they aren't acting. I will also say that i disagree that they act platonic 90% of the time. But I'll also say that they don't act LOUD all the time, which is what can be mistaken for platonic. I don't know how old you are or what your relationship experience looks like. You talking about One Direction and being too young makes me feel old and I'm still young dammit. I was in high-school during the big 1D craze. I didn't get into them too much, but I did enjoy some of their songs. Besides the point. Relationships are not over the top loud declarations of love 24/7. Not even half the time. Especially not when you are with a bunch of other people, which is where we usually see Jikook, surrounded by their friends and their Staff. And even then, they sometimes very much so come off as THAT couple that can't stop making everyone else feel like they are third wheeling.

To put into perspective, lets make it personal. I've known my husband for 11 years (similar to the time frame KM have known each other.) We met and became best friends when I was 15 (close to the same age JK was). We were best friends for 2 years, before we had our first kiss at 17 (similar to the whole friends to Lovers thing KM supposedly have going on). It took another 6 months after that for him to ask me to his girlfriend, of which we made out those entire 6 months and went on "dates" and none of our friends even suspected that things changed between us until we told them we were together and confessed to have been figuring things out for the past few months. We then got married at 19 years old. We have now been married for 6 years. We are ANYTHING but platonic. Platonic moments does not negate all the none platonic moments. Lovers CAN be best friends and have simple best friend moments too. In fact, I would say that having your lover also be your best friend would make that relationship stronger and give you a much firmer foundation to grow upon. I cannot tell you the amount of silliness and just friends things my husband and I do. Doesn't change the fact that I'm so in love with him I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. Silliness over what anime to watch next or shouting matches of "you suck, you lose" whenever someone wins whichever stupid bet we placed or the race that was suggested doesn't change the fact that we enjoy each other in very non platonic ways. Him playing video games in the other room and me sitting here typing up a blog post while listening to music and us having no interaction for the past few hours doesn't negate our marriage.

Silly dances and Goofing off just continues to show their close bond, the way they have fun together. It's not acting or hiding their feelings, it's still all there. Being in love doesn't mean you are constantly melting into a puddle or trying trying cop a feel. Lol sometimes it means having fun with your best friend. Sometimes it means having fun separately with your other friends or doing your own thing and coming back together later at home and getting to talk about it or relax. And the best friend moments don't take away from the romantic ones or all the SK couples traditions they have done together, if anything, they add to it.

Hope this makes sense and helped a little bit. Maybe help break that infinity loop going on in your head too? If you ever want to talk about it more, you are more than welcome to DM me. Sorry for rambling, but you should all know by now.... this is just what I do here 😂 again, thanks for the ask. Hope you check out those fanservice posts! Hope this helped! You can of course form your own opinions on things and what you think KM are or aren't. Or just simply, let it be and not worry too much over it. 💜

Hope everyone has good day/night!

PS. For anyone who is a reader... Percy and Annabeth from the PJO series is the ultimate friends to Lovers romance in a fictional world and so sweet. Lol plus, they have oodles of what could be considered only platonic moments and they are still such an iconic OTP

[weltenwellen]

How do you encourage someone you suspect of having a bipolar disorder to seek help without offending them or make them defensive

I would refrain from trying to diagnose anybody, especially not someone you're close with / are friends with. I know you're trying to help them and prevent them from spiralling, but coming from the angle of a diagnoses could result in them feeling betrayed, judged and completely exposed. Plus, you have not professionally assessed them for having a bipolar disorder and if they do not have in fact bipolar, you have added extra strain onto an already difficult time in their life. In the worst case it'll result in a break of trust between you two.

That said, I think most people know deep down if something is going on within them. Yes, they're distressed as it is but in their mind it is not nearly as frightening as the confrontation and ultimately the confirmation that in fact there is something that is actually "wrong" with them. They feel something is off but they're at their own pace at coming to terms with it. Offering help is good, being a reliable presence in their lives is always good but sometimes that little push from you towards professional help is a confirmation that something is wrong but they're not at that point where they're ready to have that confirmed. I know that is not always the case and being an aware friend is good, but it should be well thought out how to approach the situation / conversation.

I would begin by expression that you have noticed of late that you have visibly seen them struggling and then I'd emphasise understanding and reassurance through articulating that everyone struggles with life and oneself and that that is perfectly fine. I think it's important to speak with empathy and make them feel seen but do not pretend that you fully understand their situation and / or what they're going through. And if that message is received and the person is not overly distressed, anxious or angry by you moving towards the topic of mental health, I'd probably talk about my own experience with seeking therapy or talk about a friend to whom therapy was extremely helpful. Because therapy to a lot of people is still this thing which is a distant last minute resort or just something for other people, so it helps to make it less scary or intimidating by sharing a story about yourself or someone you both know personally. If the person says they are open to the idea of going or if they even acknowledge their struggle, then for me it helped immensely that my mother helped find a therapist and helped with signing up for it and coming with me the first time. Because the first time going there was one of the most overwhelming things I had ever done to that point.

But if they are not open to seeking help and blocking off, don't go into the mode of trying to convince them. That is extremely bad for both of you and in the end for your relationship. Because you'll increase the speed of them spiralling down a bad path AND you'll also go down the rabbit hole of trying to fix them. You cannot make people do what you want them to do even if it is in the best interest for the other person and you have the best intentions. You cannot "fix" people. You can only be there for them as they "fix" themselves. You can never do the work for someone and the same goes the other way around.

[la-li-lu-le-lol]

Not me writing an overdone, reachy character study about Snake’s hair length, of all things. This also spiraled a little out of control into deep headcanon-fanfic territory so please bear with me.

-

Like many ex-soldiers, Snake associates having short hair with the lack of personal control of military life.

After a rough childhood in the foster system with no structure, he at first saw the rigidity of being in the military as a way for him to mature and finally ground himself. They also made him cut all his hair off - first into a buzz-cut for the Green Berets, then Foxhound was a tiny bit more lenient but not much - it still couldn't be as long as he wanted. He disliked this but it was barely an issue, not when the big picture was much more beneficial. Real goals, structure and rigidity were things that he had been sorely missing in his life up to this point. He enjoyed it greatly. It made him happy.

It made him happy until it fucked him up. When trusting people and doing what they told him and molding his life around their rules with no question fucked him up, he retaliated by isolating himself, living on his own in Alaska. Now in his early thirties, here, again, was the lack of structure that marred his child and teenager-hood, fraught with behavioral problems and substance abuse. Here again he spirals into being dysfunctional because now all the structure was gone.

He grows his hair out, back to the length it was when he was seventeen. The early 2000s are a far cry away from mullets being fashionable in 1989, but he doesn't really care. It's a source of comfort, and a way for him to try to get rid of what happened.

On comes 2005. He gets shoved into a submarine and is more or less blackmailed into doing a mission. He resists at first, who wouldn't? But deep down, his heart is leaping at this opportunity for structure. Overcome with nostalgia, he impulsively cuts his hair short and comes up with a bad excuse ("I don't want anybody to mistake me for Liquid") to try to cover up how antsy he is to get back on the field.

While on Shadow Moses, he begins to regret his decision. Even with his vest collar, the back of his neck is now cold and exposed, and vulnerable. It’s too easy now to feel chills run along it, to feel the little hairs stand up when Campbell begins to evade his questions, when he suspects Naomi isn’t telling him everything.

MGS1 happens and, well, you all know how MGS1 went. All his suspicions were right.

He gets home, He and Meryl separate, and he hates his short hair. All it is is a reminder of the cycle he keeps throwing himself into. He can’t wait for it to grow out. But there is still a part of him that’s healing, that’s found a little more peace with himself versus before... or at least, he thinks so.

Hal comes, they live together for a little bit. They both yearn for structure, this time, the kind that they both are able to create, together.

They begin to hatch out plans for Philanthropy. Dave is on board with the idea, but he knows he has to make certain life changes. He can’t chain-smoke before missions, because he has to watch his oxygen sat levels. He has to go back to working out regularly and getting good sleep. He has to cut back on his drinking. He is willing to do all those things, because they both know it’s for the greater good, but there’s a part of him that doesn’t want for this to be the beginning of another cycle of him being controlled.

There is a small, silly part of him that wonders if Hal will start to nag him once his hair gets longer.

He can make concessions for his job but he doesn’t want to go back to living like a soldier, to being subservient to somebody. He lets his walls down and tells Hal this, one evening, self-consciously palming the exposed back of his neck.

Hal goes wide-eyed, and says “Of course you aren’t, not at all. What made you think that?”

Dave pauses, before answering “I’m just making sure.”

Hal shakes his head. “I’m never going to be in any position to order you around, Snake. That’s not what this is, I swear.”

Dave wants to believe him, but they’re going to have to work together for a little bit first before he can let himself relax.

Some months pass, and Hal keeps true to his word. Dave’s opinions and inputs get listened to, not brushed aside. Their goals get more clear, their trust for each-other begins to feel real and not like something built on assumptions, they get several successful missions under their belts. The return of structure does Dave very good. It’s stressful and dangerous work, but his mental health is the best it’s been in years.

Dave’s hair begins to grow back long, just how he likes. Hal teases him about it a little, but he is never asked to get rid of it, and he never feels the need to. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t have to cut it in order to do his job. He can have structure without drowning in somebody else’s orders, without allowing himself to become a tool. Hard to believe he thought that was impossible a couple years ago.

Dave quietly comes to the conclusion that while the structure was good, what he had really been needing was to feel valued. He and Hal are in tandem, working together as equals, as partners, as friends, slowly getting closer. He feels valued, and he carries those feelings close to his heart for the rest of his life. Even as things change for the worse, even as his and Hal’s goals begin to crumble, even as his hair begins to gray and thin out a little (he can still keep it long.), Even as their relationship begins to strain from the stress, they don’t ever leave each other, and Hal always listens to his input. Even in 2014, when he completely disagrees with Dave's increasingly reckless and suicidal ventures onto the field, even if it is for the greater good.

It's still Dave's decision to make, with his own life, with his own free will, and his own personal value.

The value they hold in one another is too much to consider otherwise.

[animeyanderelover]

Hello again ! Just had to say the last prompt you did of Kurapika and poetry writer s/o with yandere prompt 44 exceeded my mental expectations and was by far one off the most beautiful yet tragic kurapika yandere pieces I've come across on all sites. Feel proud of your creative genius and lovely writing. If you have the time do you think you could do one where s/o is Chrollo's lover who plans to kill Kurapika he catches her only to fall. I think it go great with prompt 22 .

I’m glad you liked it! But this one is a lot rougher because I believe Kurapika wouldn’t go easy on a darling who’s in love with Chrollo. I needed to change this a bit since I don’t believe Kurapika would instantly fall for the s/o the moment he sees them. It would be more like a small sparkle.

Warnings: Yandere themes, kidnapping, manipulation, mentioning of violence

Prompt 22: “I don’t know if I should be angry or turned on.”

Why was he suddenly acting like this? You didn’t know, but it made all the alarm bells in your mind ring so loud that it hurt your head. Why was your captor, the one who had killed two of the troupe members, the one who had ripped Chrollo away from your reach, suddenly acting so to you? He had stopped hurting you, had stopped starving you, had stopped treating you like a criminal. You weren’t exactly a criminal, but you weren’t exactly innocent either since you were dating one of the most dangerous men in this world. Chrollo Lucifer. You knew that he wasn’t exactly the best boyfriend since he was most of the time very busy, but he tried. And he was so charming, so gentle, so amazing. An isolated part of your brain still screamed at you for being so foolish to be in a relationship with a criminal who only cared for himself and the troupe. But you had locked those thoughts far away in your brain so that they were by now only a faint echo somewhere in the depths of your brain. He loved you, you knew he did! In his own way. That was what had led you to the most stupid decision you could have ever made in your life. After you had heard of the incident in Yorknew City you had instantly tried to get in contact with Chrollo, had tried to call him or get the members to tell you where he was. But they didn’t know either or if they knew, didn’t tell you. They only told you what had happened, how a single man had managed to damage the troupe so significantly. And you had let yourself get blinded by rage.

You had collected informations about the chainuser, trying to find out as much as possible all whilst tracking him down. And you needed to admit, he was good. Even you with all your contacts had needed months until you had finally found his current location. What had made you feel so confident at that time? You were strong, Chrollo had trained you after all, but what had made you thought that you would win at that time? You had been about to face the guy who had killed Uvogin, the strongest of the troupe, Pakunoda, the mindreader of the troupe, and had made sure that Chrollo, the boss of the troupe, wouldn’t be able to go anywhere near the other members again. You knew what would happen if he would try to get in contact with them. He would die, the chain this guy had used on him would crush his heart as soon as the conditions he had made were broken. But you weren’t a troupe member! You could contact him! So why did he refuse to?! Were it these thoughts that had clouded your judgement? Keeping you from seeing the harsh reality? You didn’t know what it was, you only knew that you had lost to this Kurapika and that he had captured you afterwards. You guessed you could be glad that he hadn’t killed you yet. Kurapika wasn’t dumb. He had informed himself well before attacking the troupe and somehow knew that you were involved with them, but weren’t a member. And these last few months he had tried to get you to talk, starving you, threatening you and much more. But you had kept your mouth shut. You were surprised that he hadn’t used the same move he had used on Chrollo. Why didn’t he? Did he knew that you would rather die then tell him? But he didn’t care when he did it with the other three, so what made you so special?

But since a few days he had stopped it. The starving. The violence. The screaming. He had put a stop to it all. Instead he had suddenly started to care for your health and well-being. He still kept a sharp eye on you and you knew from previous attempts that he was ready to hurt you again if you tried anything. But why the sudden change of mind? Even now, as you were sitting on the bed in the room he had moved you in, this question was playing without break in your mind. It didn’t help much that Kurapiks was with you in the room and staring at you. The only thing you were thankful for was that his eyes had their normal color and weren’t glowing in that spooky red. But it was still very unsettling. “Are we gonna do this again? You just staring at me and hoping I’ll tell you what relationship I have exactly with the Phantom Troupe only for me to give you the silent treatment?”, you asked, trying to not make it sound to obvious that you were very nervous, but there was still a trace of it audible in your voice. He didn’t say anything, just continuing to stare at you. You didn’t know why, but he seemed conflicted. He looked at you as if your presence would give him the answer to a very hard question. One that seemed to haunt him judging by his facial expression.

“What are you looking at?”, you scoffed and turned around to at least try to ignore his stare, but even when you weren’t directly looking at him you could feel how he let his eyes roam over your body, searching for something that he couldn’t see with his eyes. “Who are you?” It wasn’t the first time he had asked you this question, but it sounded different. When you glanced back you could see that he had a confused expression on his face, but it also looked a bit...What was the right word? Dreamy? Yes, that was it. He looked with you with this dreamy and nearly adoring gaze. This freaked you out enough so that you instantly turned around to keep an eye on him. Upon seeing your expression he seemed to snap out of his dazzled state. He blinked confused, letting his gaze wander to the ground where it stayed for a few moments. And once again this conflicted look crossed his face. You asked yourself what was going on in his head right now. “May I ask you a question?” You raised one of your eyebrows. Since when did he ask you if he could question you? “Go ahead.” “You attacked me because you have a personal grudge against me. This means you must have a close relationship with them or at least one of the members.” What was he getting at? “Why do you care so much for them? They’re criminals, thieves, heartless killer. I don’t understand it. How could anybody care for such monsters?”

You felt insulted that he called them this, but you were more surprised by his question. He suddenly asked you why you chose to trust and care of them instead of trying to force you to tell him what you knew about them. You were for a few moments dumbfounded. Why did you choose to care for them? What had led you to make them so important in your life that you even went as far as trying to kill someone for them? “I...I guess it’s because I saw that they are only humans as well. I know that what they do is wrong. They aren’t innocent angels and I don’t agree with what they’re doing. I’m not that heartless. But I also saw that they have a different side. There’s still hope in them. That’s what makes me care. The knowledge that even in the darkest of people’s heart there’s still a glimmer of humanity. I hope that I can help them with their pain.” You turned around to Kurapika who was looking at you with a surprised expression. “I know what they did to your clan. So I can understand why you want to kill them. But you think of them as heartless monsters. They aren’t. They all have their own motives for doing what they do and have done just like you. Just like I had my motives of wanting to kill you. But I’ve come to realize that you aren’t that different from them.” “You think I am anything like them?” His voice sounded strained. He obviously couldn’t bear the thought of being compared to the people he despised the most. “Yes. All of you are driven by your own dreams and motives. And in order to reach them you’re ready to become murders and give temporarily up your humanity. That is what I respect and fear the most on you all.”

He became quiet, your words repeating itself in his mind. He couldn’t understand it. Why would you compare him to them? He wasn’t anything like them. “How can you talk so calmly about that? They’ve killed so many innocent lifes! I only want to kill them because the world doesn’t need such scum!” He sounded clearly angry and his eyes had started to change color. But it was this almost helpless look of confusion he had on his face that made you pity him. He was a poor boy who desperately clutched on the belief that he did the right thing. “You really believe that?” He flinched when hearing your didactic voice. “You just want revenge for your clan. But killing the troupe won’t bring you any peace. You’re selfish if you think that. Revenge will only bring you emptiness. The moment you kill for your own egotistical desires you become someone who is scum. I guess that means I am too since I wanted to kill you too because a part of me thought I would feel better if I would do it. You think you do the world a favor by doing this? Or are you just trying to justify that you’re about to become the same monster they are?” From the corner of your eyes you noticed that he had started to shake. “You think you do it for the sake of humanity? You think that you’re some kind of avenger? You do it only for yourself. That makes you no different from them. I...I feel bad for you because you try to tell yourself that you’re different.”

“You’re wrong!” Suddenly he stood right in front of you and grabbed you by your shoulders. “I’m not like them! I’m different!” His eyes were glowing brightly, but for the first time he didn’t look scary whilst looking at you with them. There was no disgust or hate in them like there normally always was. He didn’t look at you like you were some sort of trash. He looked sad. Desperate. Confused. Heartbroken. Angry. In denial. “They just manipulated you into thinking that way! Whatever relationship you have with them, they just use you! As soon as they don’t need you anymore they’ll kill you!” By now he was shaking you as if trying to wake you up and make you realize that he was right. “Kurapika! You don’t know anything about them! I know them better than anyone else! They would never hurt me! Chrollo would never hurt me! He loves me!” The moment after this words had left your lips he instantly stopped shaking you. “Chrollo?!” You froze when you realized what you had just done. No! Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could you have been so careless?! You had gotten carried away because of your more emotional talk with Kurapika.

“So that’s it.” You couldn’t help, but shiver when you heard his voice. “That’s your relationship with the troupe. You...you’re together with him.” His face had twisted into a mask of extremely conflicted emotions. His grip on your shoulders tightened. “Kurapika! You hurt me!”, you yelled and tried to rip his hands off from your shoulders. “I don’t know if I should be angry or turned on.” You froze abruptly when you heard those words falling from his lips, the tone he used to say them making you feel sick. He sounded so...You couldn’t describe it with a word. Dark? Sinister? Your eyes moved to look at his face and you felt sweat starting to form on your forehead. There was something, a feeling, burning inside his eyes. But you couldn’t exactly put your fingers around what it was. “You really think he loves you?” His voice sounded strict and cold. “Of course I do!”, you answered back, fear starting to become visible on your face. “You’re so gullible.” He had started to talk in a sickenly sweet tone, as if speaking to a naive little child. “Do you really think that someone like him would ever be able to love someone? He only uses people for his own interests. Whatever he told you, it was all an act. And you must know that too. Or did he already manipulate you that badly?”

His words that he cooed at you scared you, your doubts that you had pushed away and locked up in a cage starting to get louder now that someone had spoken them out loud. “Y-you’re just lying!” Why were you sputtering? Chrollo loved you, right? “Don’t pretend like you believe that. I can see the hesitation and doubts on your face. I met him only once in real person. But that was enough for me to see what kind of person he really is. Someone who doesn’t care for anyone except himself and the troupe. Do you really believe that he has the space to love someone in his heart? I don’t think so.” Don’t listen to him! He was lying! He was just trying to make you doubt Chrollo. “No! You’re the one who is lying! You don’t know anything about Chrollo or his heart! He loves me! I’m not someone who he uses! What do you think you’re doing?! Who gives you the right to judge him?! You’re the heartless monster here! Trying to manipulate me into thinking that Chrollo doesn’t love me! But he does and I love him as well!” You sounded pathetic. Now you were the one in denial, trying to push your steadily growing doubts away. He was most of the time busy, leaving you on your own. You knew that he often charmed other people to get what he wanted, toying with their emotions. But you were different, weren’t you?

But before you could continue to try to convince yourself by yelling at him you were suddenly interrupted by a warm pair of lips locking themselves with yours. Your eyes widened and you wanted to pull away, but Kurapika grabbed the back of your neck and kept you in place. You couldn’t do more than stare at him in shock. What was he doing?! When he pulled away he had again this look from before in his eyes. This dreamingly haze covering his eyes. And suddenly it hit you. The reason why he had stopped treating you so harshly. The reason why he wanted you to convince you so badly that the troupe was evil and that he was doing the right thing. The reason why he was currently talking you into believing that Chrollo only used you. He loved you! “You know, it’s kind of ironic.”, Kurapika mumbled whilst pulling you closer to him. “The same man who took everything I ever loved from me gave me someone new I can treasure and protect. And this time I’ll make sure that I won’t lose you as well. I’ll protect you from the troupe and Chrollo. I’ll help you realizing that they only used you.” The look in his eyes could only be described as completely helplessly lovesick. “I’ll show you what real love is like.”, he mumbled before locking his lips once again with yours. And in that moment you knew that he would never let you go again, would never let you see Chrollo again. What had you done?

[snarky-art]

Musa and Aisha in their enchantix! I still haven’t figured out how I want the wings to look but that’s ok I think.

Info on their relationship in my version of Winx Club below!

So when Aisha arrives at Alfea in season 2, it’s pretty much the same as in the original show. She doesn’t really know what to do. Anne was the only person her age she had ever really interacted with. The rest of the time she was pretty isolated and surrounded by adults. She has trouble figuring out exactly how to act around the winx and is really scared of messing things up.

Musa is also used to feeling like that. She has a lot of separation anxiety and fear of abandonment which she had manifest in the defense mechanism of not letting people get close so she couldn’t get hurt. She’s gotten better at handling it though ever since joining Alfea and getting a super close knit group of friends. As a result though, she can understand best how Aisha is feeling and is able to help in little ways the others can’t.

Musa does the most to make her feel more comfortable and at ease (the others do too but it just hits a little different coming from someone who really gets it, ya know?) and as a result they become much closer much faster. They find themselves talking more openly about their fears and insecurities and experiences when they’re alone and a they just end up having a really strong bond.
In my version of this, Musa and Riven did get together at the end of season 1, but they breakup around ¾ths of the way through season 2. They realize it just isn’t really healthy for either of them and they both bring out the worst in each other. They both have some insecurities from previous relationships and just their family life in general (Riven’s mom abandoned him, Musa’s mom is dead and her relationship with her father is pretty strained although it does start to get better after the concert episode in season 2), so Musa is the one who ultimately takes the initiative to break it off. They both aren’t happy and Riven takes it especially hard, but Timmy talks some sense into him and he starts working to get better around the end of season 2/beginning of season 3.

Another reason Musa breaks it off is along with realizing how much worse she feels with Riven and along with how much worse she is as a person with him, she has a moment of realization where she just goes “oh, but with Aisha, I DO want to be better, and I trust her so much more completley,, oh no.” and she’s basically like “now we don’t have time to unpack ALL of that right now” but along with ending her relationship being better for both Riven and her, she needs to think some stuff about that over.

Musa is in denial about liking Aisha for a while and tries to stifle it and convince herself it’s nothing or that it’ll go away. This isn’t because she’s having a Gay Panic or something though (in my thing she’s bi and has had partners of other genders before). The panic comes from at this point, Aisha is one of the closest people in her life despite them only knowing each other for about a year and she doesn’t want to ruin something good (cue abandonment issues). Musa handles this physically by being more shy and easily flustered and also by eventually talking to the winx about it. Tecna ties but in my thing, Tecna is borderline Aromantic (demi is what I’m thinking of for her, still haven’t figured it all out though) so she’s not very good at giving advice for it, but she’s happy to listen. Flora gives soft advice and a listening ear, ever the romantic, and Stella is too but she’s much more loud (she also feels bad about trying to hook Musa up with so many dates and her and Riven broke up now that she knows Musa was having a crisis the whole time, granted the date with Jared was a good thing since Jared and Musa became good friends so Stella won’t apologize for that one and Musa decides that’s fair), and Bloom is pretty awkward with relationship stuff so she does the “are ya winning, son?” approach to all of this. Musa appreciates that they’re all trying though, despite the various degrees of success.

Aisha doesn’t really talk to anyone about her feelings for Musa, which she realizes she has shortly after gaining her enchantix. During the first attack on Alfea in the their third year of school, when she sees her enchantix for the first time, and how sure of herself she was about doing what she could to save Galatea’s life and save all the ancient texts and tomes, she’s like “yup that pretty much confirms everything for me.”

In my version Aisha is a lesbian and she’s known for a WHILE. Anne was her first crush and she also liked some of the princesses and nobles that she would meet or see at the many fancy diplomatic meetings she would be dragged to. She’s very secure in her sexuality and romantic attraction (homophobia isn’t really a Thing in my version per se, but there are some concerns about lineage in upper circles for royalty and leaders, since not all queer couples can have children biologically and sometimes adoption is hard depending on the circumstances, ESPECIALLY if there is a form of magic that is needed to be transferred from one member of a family to the next member and it isn’t a guarantee or even possible for some magic to latch onto someone and become apart of their core if they aren’t biologically related). Aisha hadn’t mentioned it to her parents though. Her parents and her don’t have the most open relationship due to the very controlling and stifling nature of both the court her parents rule over and just their general demeanor which leads to the next issue: arranged marriage on Andros, which is something her parents still partake in, and that really makes both Musa and Aisha feel like their hearts are being grabbed and twisted. Once they tell her, she’s about to tell them but they leave soon after telling her because they have stuff to do and also they would rather speak to Aisha once she’s “calmed down some.” The next time she has time to tell them, shit with Valtor starts to hit the fan and it gets put on the backburner.

By the time Nabu shows up, it’s pretty rough. Once Aisha realizes who he is she’s mad because of course she is, this is the person she’s expecting to be with. Nabu is understanding of this, and gets it completely, especially since he originally lied about his identity. Aisha does take a breather though and they talk it out some. He wanted to see who he was arranged to marry like in the show, and Aisha says she honestly never wanted to see him, and he laughs and says that’s fair. They do end up having a “best bros” dynamic though eventually. AIsha tells him about Musa, and he says he’s so sorry about this whole thing and eventually they do meet up with their parents like in the show and they talk to them about everything finally and their parents tell them that the arranged marriage isn’t necessary in the end. It works out and Aisha and Nabu do a sickass secret handshake they made and all is well. The relationship between their kingdoms is also really strong regardless of marriage too due to their eventual life long friendship.

Aisha also eventually talks to Flora some about how she should go about asking Musa out and about whether or not she thinks it would be a good idea and Flora and Chatta (ESPECIALLY CHATTA) are doing EVERYTHING they can to not blurt out that Musa hasn’t been able to shut up about liking Aisha for over a year and a half at this point. 

Over the season their relationship continues to get stronger. 

TW: talk of e*ting disorder. Please skip this paragraph if that is triggering to you. I will have the next paragraph start with -paragraph over- so skip to that if you would like

I also have a thing in my version where Musa struggles with an e*ting disorder some just do to anxiety and insecurities and that was one of the ways those things ended up manifesting (that’s how it was for me and I’ve put a little bit of myself into each of these gals and pal (Tecna is nonbinary in my version and although they’re fine with being perceived as a woman and is cool with she/her pronouns and general slang terms like “gal,” “dude,” “bro,” etc., they still prefer overall being acknowledged as a nonbinary person by people who don’t know them very well (all pronouns are cool with them also. This stuff I just mentioned is how I am as a nonbinary person and I thought it fit Tecna too). This is why I have her looking a little thinner in my earlier sketches, since those take place in season 1 and 2. Aisha goes out of her way to help her however she can and Musa feels guilty but eventually Aisha just tells her to accept the help because she cares about her, she knows that Musa wants to get better (she started wanting to really work to stop skipping meals in the middle of season 2 and being less afraid of putting on weight. Her relationship with Riven wasn’t helping her mental state and this was around the point where she realized things probably weren’t going to get better unless she worked really hard on both herself and with setting better boundaries. Aisha was the only one to know about her skipping meals more than was healthy as it ended up coming out on one of their many late night heart to heart convos they like to have) and because it isn’t taking a toll on her mental health, and she promises to let her know if it does (Aisha also learned more about healthy boundaries during her time with the winx way to go, queen). They do meal preps together, get a healthy workout routine that doesn’t involve Musa dropping dead from exhaustion every time, and they get help pamphlets and Musa ends up seeing a counselor on campus to get some help and by the middle of season 3, things are a lot better, and while it’s still something that Musa is going to struggle with off and on during her life because that’s how this stuff tends to work, she has the tools to help herself better and she also has a really good support system and knows therapy is still an option if she needs it after her time at Alfea. The rest of the winx find out eventually too and are, of course, super supportive and proud of her.

-end paragraph-

The main takeaway from that paragraph is that Aisha and Musa are very close and supportive of each other and that I mention Tecna is nonbinary (all pronouns acceptable, although tends to prefer they/them)

Along with that being yet another huge thing that relates to them wanting to help each other grow and become better people, they just end up realizing that if they could choose a day where they could choose anyone to spend time with for the whole time, it would be each other.

By the end of their third year at alfea/the movie (unsure which yet exactly, but it’s in that time frame) they get together and they stay together for the rest of everything:)

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: Breaking Point

Relationships: Caline Bustier & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Characters: Caline Bustier, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alya Césaire, Max Kanté, Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Juleka Couffaine, Lila Rossi, Tikki

Tags: caline bustier salt, Reveal, Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste Knows, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Caline Bustier Knows, ml salt, Harassment, Lila Rossi Lies, Bad Classroom Environments, Gaslighting, enablers, Bullying ,Salt, Identity Reveal, Spitefic, Swearing, Adrien Sugar

Summary: '“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.' 

Note: This was written based on a prompt by @norakwami.

AO3 link

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Marinette wasn’t really paying attention to Mme. Bustier’s lecture. To be fair, it was about career options and how to achieve them, something she had researched so completely she already had a list of universities she intended to apply to, along with possible companies to intern, all carefully tabbed in a binder at home that was also slowly filling with application and portfolio ideas.

Given that she was only fourteen and still had four more years before she reached the point of applying, she was ahead of the game. Perhaps she could be considering going to another lycée instead of the feeder for Collège Françoise Dupont, perhaps somewhere private that had a focus on fashion. But she didn’t want to put pressure on her parents, who would have to pay the tuition for such an institution, when she was already winning awards and making a name for herself through designing for Jagged Stone and the up-and-coming Kitty Section, among others.

“For instance, being a superhero is not a viable career path,” was what made her tune in, her attention fully pulled to Mme. Bustier, who seemed to be looking right at her.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Marinette felt frozen by that stare, pinned like a ladybug by an entomologist. How could she know? Did other people notice her stare?

“Ladybug is almost certainly harming her civilian future through these superhero antics, which prevent her from fulfilling all her obligations.”

Alya snorted. “That’s not Ladybug’s fault—it’s Hawkmoth’s. Ladybug protects the city. And maybe Paris should pay her for her services!”

“Ladybug is a teenager who should be concentrating on school,” Mme. Bustier declared, still staring holes into Marinette.

“Ladybug has never released her age,” Adrien murmured, his voice sounding strained. “So that’s conjecture, Mme. Bustier. How does this have to do with our future careers?”

To her horror, he turned and followed her gaze to Marinette.

She felt as though she might hyperventilate, panic rising in her gut. If she was compromised, that put her family and friends at risk, put the Miracle Box at risk, played right into Hawkmoth’s hands. She’d never been good at a poker face, and she wasn’t sure whether she was managing now.

Adrien’s eyes widened, and she knew she’d failed, at least with him. Kwami, she hoped she could trust him.

“I’m glad you asked, Adrien. For instance, Marinette, would you please share your current preparation for your future career.”

All eyes were on her, and she could feel the thoughts swirling around them as she was called out. She swallowed, trying to push it all down.

“I-I… I have a binder. At home. F-fifteen different universities with fashion p-programs. In order of where I want to go most. Also c-companies that offer internships.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves—it helped a bit. “I’ve started my portfolio, including the b-bowler hat that won M. Agreste’s contest, and my work for Jagged Stone and Kitty Section, and p-pictures of clothing I’ve designed and made.”

She could hear murmurs around her, and Alya gave a low whistle beside her.

“Girl, no wonder you don’t sleep. You’re on top of this!”

Mme. Bustier’s mouth became a thin line, her lips pressed together as though she was irritated.

Marinette wished keenly that Master Fu was still around, could handle this situation. She’d come to realize Mme. Bustier was a terrible teacher, enabling bullying and shaming victims as though they were at fault for their treatment. But this was a whole new level of awful.

“Still, the way you run off during Akuma attacks interrupts your daily life and prevents you from—”

“We all run away during Akuma attacks! They disrupt all our daily lives.”

Adrien stood, his back rigid from tension.

“Marinette has been personally targeted multiple times during Akuma attacks. So have I! A lot of this has been documented on the LadyBlog. It’s traumatizing—and we keep our memories of that because we’re not the Akuma. I run and hide, personally. Why would you shame Marinette for that?”

The class fell silent, and glancing around Marinette could see the tension in their faces, their own memories of being chased by Akuma.

Adrien had moved this away from the idea of Marinette being Ladybug to her being shamed for her reaction to Akumas. He was protecting her. And she loved him all the more for it.

“There was Evillustrator,” Marinette murmured, jumping on the red herring.

She glanced at Nathanaël apologetically. He offered a sad smile.

“I had to help Chat Noir with that. It was scary. André Glacier became Glaciator and came looking for me, and Chat Noir saved me from getting frozen. And Gamer was looking for me. Chat Noir saved me again.”

She could see Max wince across the aisle.

“Reflekta turned me into her clone because she was mad at me. And it was my fault.”

Marinette turned and mouthed ‘sorry’ to Juleka.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Juleka whispered, then cringed as she realized her voice had carried far enough for everyone to hear.

She smiled, then turned back to the front.

“My own grandmother tried to turn me into coal when she was Akumatized because she was upset I wasn’t like eight years old anymore—Chat Noir saved me again there, too. And then my dad was Akumatized and Chat Noir and Ladybug had to save me again.”

Marinette hadn’t been able to transform, needing to be saved as a civilian before she could get back as Ladybug. Too many of them had been so public she’d had to trust Chat Noir would be able to hold his own until she got there—and she did, but she was afraid sometime that would be fatal.

“And I saw footage when Adrien was dropped from a building and then when Volpina pretended to drop him from the Eiffel Tower. That’s terrifying!”

She didn’t turn around to look at Lila. Instead she looked at Adrien, who was still standing, alternating between glaring at Mme. Bustier and glancing back at her with concern in his eyes.

“And then there’s mind control Akumas, like with Miracle Queen. I’m scared of Akumas, Mme. Bustier. Even when they’re across the city, they won’t always stay there, and I want to hide. And I refuse to be ashamed of that!”

It wasn’t a lie, either. Civilian her absolutely wanted to hide—and did, just behind a mask.

She turned her attention to the teacher, keeping her back straight, remembering she had Adrien on her side, even if she wished he didn’t know—damn Bustier for that. Marinette steeled herself.

“I don’t understand why you’ve singled me out to try to imply I alone am somehow failing to perform because of Akumas, but you always seem to do this. I’m at fault for being bullied. I need to be an example and not react when my belongings are destroyed and my locker is broken into. Or when someone gets me expelled by somehow putting test answers in my bag and a new Gabriel-brand necklace—supposedly an heirloom—in my locker that’s been broken into before. I’ve spent the last year feeling I’m not allowed to have emotions. But this is the last straw.”

Marinette stood, picking up her bag. When she glanced down Tikki was giving her the Kwami version of a thumbs up.

“Frankly, Mme. Bustier, you have been toxic for my mental health for quite some time. Time I’ve spent researching to discover what you’re doing isn’t appropriate for the classroom; it’s abusive and reportable. If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to the M. Damocles, as well as my parents. And perhaps the Board of Governors, as I am no longer willing to tolerate this treatment and its continued harm to my education.”

With that, she marched down the stairs, past an open-mouthed Bustier, and out of the classroom, holding her head high.

Once in the open hallway, clear of the windows, she deflated.

“Well, fuck,” she whispered. “I guess I get to do research on a new collège, too.”

She supposed, at least, she’d been successful at diverting Bustier from the Ladybug accusations; the last thing she needed was for Ladybug-hater Lila to know and come after her.

“You and me both.”

Adrien’s voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin. She was relieved to see no one else had followed him. She could hear the hullaballoo of the classroom behind her, all control having been lost.

He quirked a grin. “We’re in it together, Bugaboo. As always.”

She stared, feeling like there was a hamster lolling on the wheel of her thoughts instead of running to turn it.

Adrien took her arm. “Come on. I’ll support you. Let’s go talk to M. Damocles.”

“Ch-Chat?” Marinette managed in a hiss as her brain finally caught up.

He gently guided her forward. “My Lady.”

She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or some combination of the three. But as they approached M. Damocles’ office, Marinette pushed the issue aside.

After all, she had work to do, and Ladybug didn’t leave work unfinished.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

i’m an idiot. i screw everything up.

Titans 3.03

still here, still doing this. these reviews take a fair bit of time that i cobble together across days (like, ten minute chunks during breaks, etc) and i tend to struggle to keep up with episodes as they come out. this means that by the time i’m done with one, most of my stuff is jossed (or geoffed in this case? idk) or outdated and the post sinks like a stone into oblivion. so! i’m going to change things up a bit with this one and write as i see the episode rather than collecting my thoughts later. in my experience with spn, that was a faster way to get them done. 

anyway. let’s see how it goes! *shadowboxes*

SPOILERS ahead.

1. an auspicious start with some grave-digging!

digging up a grave and breaking open a coffin is some serious, back-breaking work--that dick did it on his own, likely straight after that fight with red hood, is a testament to the sheer intensity, stamina and discipline that he’s capable of. like, we like to joke about dick cooking cauliflower crust pizzas and making gar and rachel spar and memorise sun tzu--and despair at the obvious consequences of some of bruce’s parenting skills--but imagine crime-fighting almost daily without any superpowers, performing some of the most intense parkour in bulky, uncomfortable armour, doing detective work, pushing through every last barrier of exhaustion and then getting up to repeat it all over again the next day. dick probably thought he was going extra-easy on rachel and gar.

1.5. then again, dick probably had a hundred different easier ways to confirm whether jason was still buried or not, from using equipment to merely asking connor to have a quick look with his x-ray vision. but, no, he’s too caught up in confusion and terror, not really having come to terms with jason’s death in the first place, leave alone the possibility that he could be alive after all. he can’t possibly let the others know until he’s confirmed it himself, even if it means digging all through the night until his arms are jelly, thinking over and over again about jason’s eyes, jason’s voice, from behind that red mask. 

... besides, dick has good reason to believe that he could’ve been hallucinating. wouldn’t be his first psychotic episode, after all.

that just imbues this sweaty, desperate, fingers-scrabbling-in-gravedirt scene with that much more poignancy, and a fair bit of bone-chilling terror. dick is horrified to realise that jason’s grave is empty, but a part of him is also probably relieved.

1.75 (... also it’s curious that we’re never shown any of the team asking to see jason’s grave after they come to wayne manor. i guess it’s because the writers--and the audience--know that jason is actually alive, but these people don’t know that. i don’t know if it’s sad or infuriating or both that they’re barely shown mourning him.)

2. oh GOD the sheer TENSION in kory saying, “i don’t want to say it, but--” and dick quickly interrupting, “it was jason. i saw him,” and hank giving him this loaded sidelong glance. i love how dick’s precarious mental health from last season is still this big elephant in the room but at least nobody’s blowing up in his face and questioning his every decision yet

2.25. i love the relative matter-of-factness with which they’re discussing a possible resurrection. and, of course, ra’s al ghul is brought up and quickly dismissed

(still wouldn’t put it past this show to bring him up at the very last second as the real real mastermind)

2.5. “maybe they can bring donna back” OH KORY

2.75. didn’t they have this same conversation about killing/not killing rose last season? man, the og titans make me tired.

and i don’t know if it’s just hank, but there’s a definite in-group/out-group vibe going on with the og titans, where they’re not only ready to consider killing anybody who threatens the group but makes it difficult for new people to fit in. donna and kory got along well with each other, but the dynamics between hank/donna/dawn and gar/rachel/rose were somewhat strained, and with jason, they were really fucking terrible. it makes sense when you think about how the titans started and how they broke up the first time--both were fairly disruptive events, i’d imagine, in that they probably got together to break away from their mentors and strike out on their own, and when they split up, it was the first time they felt directly responsible for the loss of an innocent life.

but the titans that dick is leading now is explicitly about mentoring a young generation of heroes, about second chances and found family. dick definitely wants to reach out to him first, and i have a feeling he’s going to be forced to make some sort of terrible Choice later on in this episode. 

2.8. (honestly tho, this also seems like hank struggling with his own guilt re: jason; if red hood is not the kid that he failed, it’d be easier to fight him.)

3.

HANK NO

4. honestly this season is already ticking off so many things on my wishlist, but i really wish dick would sit down with the newer members of his team and trust them with important information the same time that he’s telling them to the other members. gar searching for help and reassurance from a man who just dumped all of his responsibilities on his son overnight and went AWOL is a sad sight

4.25. has it only been just 48 hours????? wow! jason’s definitely been planning the red hood gig for a long time now...

5. ezekiel, my man! shady looking guy gets into your cab without a destination in mind... no problem, get right in! said guy gets a call to go to the observatory when he’s barely even looked out of the window so far at gotham... yep, a damn tourist! i want more ezekiel in this show.

5.25. (of course jason has upturned table lamps all along the floor... we have to *gritted teeth* balance the TEAL with the ORANGE don’t we?)

5.5. “dick’s a fucking psycho--he could be following you right now.” hank... has no objection to that lol

5.25. hank, hank... this is bad-decision-palooza. i can’t imagine that hank actually thought that jason was reaching out to him for help, given that the last time hank and jason had any substantial interaction hank had been one of the people accusing jason of sabotaging the team. but for him to go seek out jason and go along with his demands without any backup, weapons or equipment? not the best idea he’s ever come up with.

(add to that getting into the swimming pool of a condemned gym... oh yuck.)

((yes, i have enough self-restraint to not cap his ass.))

(((cap his ass! HA!)))

5.5. do you think jason has bugs/monitoring equipment planted in wayne manor to monitor the titans, or remote access to the cave’s systems? wouldn’t put it past him.

6. oh man, hank came back before dick and the others could meet ezekiel! this is TRAGIC

6.25. i mean, it’s plot-convenient that connor was able to give so much information about the bomb from just looking at it once, but i also like to think it’s the luthor-side of him coming to the fore. it also reminds me of that (in)famous scene from the new52 run of Nightwing comics, where a bomb was attached to nightwing’s heart and luthor disabled it by killing nightwing (temporarily). it’s a neat little callback. 

6.55. “where i come from, you go after family? there’s no mercy.” BUT THAT’S THE PROBLEM ISN’T IT

6.75. i mean, dick’s making sense: this is a game, and they need to get it off playing out on jason’s terms. but having a member of his team in his face, doubting his reasoning and every decision? a very familiar sight. 

6.8. krypto with an a+ sense of humour? also a very familiar sight.

7. wayne enterprises... providing the military with... bombs that can be implanted in humans? a BIIIIG yikes. i guess it’s not too many steps above developing clandestine intra-dermal trackers and implanting them in your own sons, and bruce probably thought they could be used as part of negotiation tactics, but still... YIKES.

7.5. on the other hand, conner being asked to build a deactivation advice seems part of a growth arc that started from last season... he knows so much, but part of growing is learning, and part of learning is using what you know to create something new.

8. oh man, my heart broke at hank going “i’m an idiot... i screw everything up.” like. for him to go like this, after being brought down to such a low last season? struggling with pain and addiction and his relationship with the love of his life? it’s so sad.

9. oh, oh, oh! ronnie from schitt’s creek! i love her!

9.5. “one of jason’s minions” took his body out of the morgue... how deliciously morbid that he planned out his own death like this!

10. TALK TO HANK, DICK

honestly, tho, i’m quite impressed with dick here. trying to think beyond just the most alarming part of the crisis at hand, keeping his cool, delegating tasks, frequently touching base with different members of his team... well done. 

10.25.... whoops, spoke too soon. i’m genuinely confused here, tho. where did the van full of gold bars come from? why did they stop there and get out? how did dawn even know about this?

on the other hand, it’s cool to know dove has bulletproof feathers!

10.5. eh... curran walters isn’t really selling red hood’s menace to me so far. but then again, if titans version of red hood is vulnerable-kid-with-father-issues-trying-to-overcompensate, then yeah! yeah, it makes sense. 

11. “when bats have sex, they gotta have something to hang from” OH GOD HANK

... because i want smiley!gar on my blog :)

11.5. awww. i feel sorry for hank but NONE of these fuckers deserve gar except maybe kory

12. ohhh FUCK! look at jason being exactly one step ahead of the titans at every turn. nice.

no really, i love the building stakes and the building mystery - i feel like the deathstroke arc from last season should’ve been more like this. the flashbacks about jericho and rose came too late and after too much build up, which resulted in a very underwhelming and confusing season throughline.

13. HANK AND DIIIIIICCCKKK

“you’re doing your best by me. always have.” WAILING HERE

it also kills me to think that hank thinks that his imminent death is because of his failure to keep the team together (when he was clearly struggling with his own issues and was spiralling towards rock-bottom) and his fear that he will once again be the cause of the team falling apart. 

also:

14. “i grew up... you can, too. you just have to face your fear.”

yep, got scarecrow’s grubby little fingerprints aaaaalllll over this. 

14.25. nightwing’s got specialised batarangs! yay! (somehow i can’t see this universe’s dick calling them “wingdings”)

15. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oh man, that was devastating. well done, show. fuck, well done, jason.

this is going to bring up all sorts of “if onlys” for the team. i can’t wait for some fucking aftermath. 

[g12stem9group5sy2122]

As a member of Generation Z, the use of social media has both advantages and disadvantages for me. We are living in an era in which knowledge is extremely important and is in high demand. Fake news, on the other hand, is spread at a rate twice that of authentic sources. Because social media provides both, it is up to us to decide how we will deal with all of the information that is available to us. Many people consider social networking to be a waste of time. However, as a member of Generation Z, I can state that if I didn't have access to social media, I would be completely uninformed and unaware of what was going on in the world. Because, in my opinion, social media is a double-edged sword that must be used with caution and moderation. It is necessary to learn how to create a balance between the positive and negative consequences of the situation. Gen z can benefit from peer inspiration, which can motivate them to build healthy habits, try something new, pursue their aspirations, and speak up about issues that are important to them. Teens can also locate positive role models by searching the internet. Also available are numerous apps that provide guidance and support for adopting a more positive mindset and developing healthy habits such as meditation and exercise, as well as for communicating and staying in touch with family and friends all over the world while dealing with the pandemic. Learn to make new acquaintances and participate in new communities, as well as to network with other people who have similar interests or aspirations. Contribute to or support worthy causes, and raise public awareness of vital concerns.

Students' minds can be negatively affected by excessive use of social media, and they may also be subjected to bad posture, eye strain, and physical and mental stress as a result of their use. Young people become socially isolated as a result of discrimination in the media, and they develop online socializing skills that prevent them from having face-to-face interactions with other human beings. Furthermore, this is a result of the misuse of mass media. Experiencing excessive online socialization will result either in the inability to communicate with others or the fact that when one is out in public, social interactions will be brief. Online socializing in a developing child, as well as media exposure, will have a direct impact on and change a youngster's views and behaviors. Our lives have been transformed by social media. Social media has unquestionably brought us closer to people in distant corners of the world. We have the ability to communicate with one another from anywhere in the world with a single click of a button. Teenagers are often recognized as being among the most avid users of social media platforms nowadays. Social media may have some great qualities, but it can also have a harmful impact on youngsters' lives. Being able to communicate with someone on the other side of the planet who you may or may not know might be quite dangerous. On social media, you can't put your trust in everyone. Teenagers, on the other hand, are enthusiastic about using social media since it allows them to keep connected with their friends while also making new ones. In any case, if it is placing teenagers and children in risk, it must be closely supervised. Despite the fact that social media is a convenient way to stay in touch with the rest of the world, it is having a bad impact on teenagers' health, cyberbullying, and online personality, and as a result, it should be reassessed as soon as possible. Young people can exchange ideas and knowledge through these relationships, and they can also be exposed to a variety of harmful options that are available to them. Second, social media provides individuals with an avenue and opportunity to meet new people while also allowing them to keep in touch with old acquaintances.

[buggachat]

A Love Letter to LadyNoir

I said I was going to write an essay about how great LadyNoir is, and I wasn’t lying.

DISCLAIMER I: All sides of the love square are wonderful! I love them all a lot, and this is in no way hate for any side. It’s kind of hard to say “this side is my favorite” without comparing it to the other sides at least a little, but the other sides are still amazing and I love them to bits too!!

DISCLAIMER II: Yes, Chat Noir is an ass to Ladybug when it comes to being rejected. This is absolutely true and I’m not going to defend that. Ladybug has every right to not want to be with Chat Noir, and him repeatedly asking her out and then openly moping about it when she says no, despite KNOWING she’ll say no, is very Bad. I’m not here to defend that. However, Ladybug and Chat Noir are 14, and Chat Noir is not only navigating love for the first time, but relationships in general as well. I’m not excusing it, and this is Definitely and Objectively a flaw of his, but it’s something he can (and I expect WILL) overcome and grow out of as he matures and realizes the error in his ways.

And after he grows out of it? Once Chat Noir matures and learns to be more respectful to Ladybug’s feelings? You know what’s left? The best ship ever, that’s what. 

Here’s a list in no particular order about all the amazing things the LadyNoir side of the love square has to offer, and why it’s my favorite:

• Their aesthetic is literally picnics on top of the Eiffel Tower under the setting sun and racing each other across Paris’ rooftops.

• Do you like soulmate AUs? Because LadyNoir is basically a soulmate AU in and of itself. They are creation and destruction and the most obvious representation of the yin/yang part of the love square. They’re two halves of a whole. They balance each other out.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir actually argue with each other! This may sound like a bad thing, but... they’re the first side of the love square to get comfortable enough to tell each other when they’re upset with the other. I feel like that’s a pretty important thing. Adrichat is not yet secure enough with Marinette to argue with her, and Maribug is not yet secure enough with Adrien to argue with him. Ladybug and Chat Noir are so comfortable and secure in their dynamic with each other that they can be totally honest with each other when the other upsets them. basically, they can bicker like an old married couple and it’s beautiful

•They share a burden that literally nobody else in Paris has. The temporary heroes have gotten a taste of what it’s like, sure, but nobody but Ladybug and Chat Noir truly understand the lengths that they have to go through to keep their secrets, the frustration of having to slip away from friends/family to transform at a moment’s notice, etc... 

Picture: Ladybug’s responsibilities start weighing her down, so she goes to confide in Chat Noir, the only other person who can at all understand what she’s going through. He holds her and reminds her of how amazing she is, tells her how much he believes in her, reassures her that he’ll always be there by her side no matter what, offers to take some of the burden off of her shoulders, and then ends it all with a silly joke that makes her laugh.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir sharing stories about their kwamis, horror stories about the worst-possible-times they had to transform, laughing about their worst excuses, etc. They have so much to bond over that is so specific to them.

• This may sound silly at first, but hear me out..... LadyNoir is the most honest side of the love square. Yes, they have the most secrets between them (they literally don’t even know each other’s names), but they also have the least amount of secrets. Does that make sense? Let me explain:

Ladybug is fully and completely aware that Chat Noir has a name and life that she doesn’t know about, and vice versa. They are completely aware that the other has secrets, and have openly consented to not knowing them. Yes, they know the least about each other— but they’ve agreed to not know those things, which cannot be said for other sides of the love square.

• The amount of trust between them. They literally trust each other with their lives on a daily basis, not to mention the amount of trust they have that the other wont take a peak when they have to detransform near each other.

• How in sync they are with each other. Ladybug and Chat Noir just understand each other so innately, even with minimal verbal communication. They understand each other’s body language so well, and I don’t know how many times Ladybug gave the vaguest instruction to Chat Noir and he just knew what she meant.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir met first. This isn’t really important, but I wanted to point it out anyways. The first time the love square ever met was when they were Ladybug and Chat Noir, and Ladybug was the first friend Adrien made besides Chloé. I just think this is a cute fun fact so I wanted to throw it in here.

• The forbidden love aspect. They can’t know each other’s secret identities... they don’t even know each other’s names, and loving each other is putting them at risk for being taken advantage by Hawkmoth... but imagine them hiding away on a dark rooftop, stealing kisses and telling each other about how much they love each other despite it all. 

• There is so much ‘Adrien and Marinette never met AU’ potential with LadyNoir. Imagine it with pre-established LadyNoir... and imagine their reveal, and they don’t know each other, and they actually get to meet each other. Imagine the potential of a fic about a long-standing and committed relationship between two people who never learned each other’s names, finally meeting for the actual first time. Imagine them getting to know things about each other’s personal lives, introducing them to their friends and family, slowly learning about all the things that they’d had to hide from each other for so many years......... honestly, it’s a trope/au that I love SO MUCH and honestly isn’t touched on nearly enough. I could go on about it forever.

• Relationships dwindle and get strained... Adrien and Marinette might graduate high school, go to different universities, and lose touch. Or maybe they might become too busy to be able to make time for each other... LadyNoir, though? Ladybug and Chat Noir are stuck together at LEAST until Hawkmoth is defeated, whether they like it or not. 

• Enemies AU potential. I mean, Hawkmoth is literally Chat Noir’s father... imagine an AU where Adrien has been tricked by his father into thinking he’s on the good side, that what he’s doing will save his mother’s life and no one will actually get hurt, and then he meets Ladybug, sees her give her big speech to Paris, and falls in love. Chat Noir fighting with trying to justify his father’s actions vs knowing that Ladybug is objectively good. Ladybug seeing the good in Chat Noir, knowing that he’s not evil like Hawkmoth, and actively reaching out to him... so much potential, you guys.

• Ladybug and Chat Noir are the most confident versions of themselves... which means that, as their relationship progresses and they get to know each other, they’ll slowly learn each other’s insecurities, short-comings, greatest fears, etc. LadyNoir starts with masks, and then the two slowly open up and learn about the vulnerable side of each other, and I think that progression is amazing.

Like yeah, Marinette learning that Adrien has a joking/flirty/silly side to him is great and all... but you know what I think’s even cuter? Ladybug learning that Chat Noir has a timid/sad side to him. And Adrien learning that Marinette has a powerful/confident side to her? Great. Chat Noir learning that Ladybug has a clumsy/awkward/insecure side to her? Amazing.

• The FLIRTING AND BANTER. And I don’t just mean Chat Noir... Pre-Glaciator, Ladybug would sometimes flirt back with Chat Noir if the situation wasn’t too dire. 

I mean seriously... these two together have so much chemistry. They’re so funny to watch on screen together / read fanfics of, and the way they bounce off each other is just priceless.

Now imagine them dating. Imagine all their playful banter and flirting, but tenfold. 

• Ladybug pets Chat Noir like a cat.

That is all.

• Do you like angst? Because oh boy... the amount of close calls that they’ve had together... the amount of times they’ve watched the other get hurt. The emotional toll that takes on them. The way Ladybug frets over him and pulls him up when he’s injured, the way that we’ve seen them look at each other and fear that it could be the last, the way that Chat Noir has literally sacrificed his life for her multiple times....

There is an infinite amount of potential for "my love dying in my arms”, “I thought I was going to lose you”, and physical hurt/comfort scenarios with these guys, and all with a happy ending because of the Miraculous Ladybug Cure. Like, seriously.... there’s so much potential.

•They’re so emotionally supportive with each other. Seriously... the way they treat each other is so caring. Like, they care deeply about each other’s mental health, and the fact that these emotional scenes happen in the middle of such dire situations really helps to emphasize how much they’re willing to set aside in order to take care of each other.

In conclusion: The ML writing staff made the "Chat Noir can’t take rejection” subplot to nerf LadyNoir because otherwise it would be too powerful.

[southeastasianists]

It had been two days since Hafiz last heard from Iani.

He knew that Iani’s parents had a history of abusing them [Note 1], and was worried for their safety. He’d tried everything — text messages, WhatsApp messages, voice calls — but received no response from Iani. It was as if they’d suddenly upped and left. Now his last resort was to make an unannounced visit to Iani’s house to make sure they’re safe.

Hafiz had a plan in mind. He would bring food to Iani’s house and pretend that they’d made dinner plans. It was something they did often, so he thought that that would make for a believable cover. At the back of his mind, however, Hafiz knew that this cover would be blown if something bad had really happened. Yet a half-baked plan was better than none at all.

Hafiz knocked on Iani’s house door and waited for someone to answer it. He heard some voices behind the door, but before he could make out what they were saying, the door cracked open. Iani’s mother greeted him with a strained smile, and Hafiz could see Iani’s father peering at him behind her. Hafiz knew that something’s not right.

“Hello aunty, uncle! I bought dinner for Iani, are they at home?” Hafiz said.

“No, but come in first,” Iani’s mother said, and ushered him into the living room. Iani’s father opened a Qur’an and started reciting a few lines of scripture to Hafiz. Once he was done, he passed the Qur’an to Hafiz and asked him to recite the same verses. It was an odd request, but Hafiz obliged; he knew why they were making him do that. After the ritual was completed, Iani’s parents told Hafiz that Iani had been admitted to the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for emergency treatment of a psychotic breakdown. What they left out was that Iani’s breakdown was caused by “conversion therapy” sessions they forced upon Iani.

Hafiz rushed down to the hospital immediately. After two days of radio silence, he finally saw Iani again. But his feeling of relief was soon washed over by a commotion that erupted from Iani’s family members — they weren’t expecting any visitors. Iani winced at the noise and pulled Hafiz aside.

“Help me,” they whispered to him. “Break me out of here.”

Iani had been close with their parents since they were young. But things turned quickly and unexpectedly when Iani was 16. They were accidentally outed as lesbian [Note 2] to their parents, and before they knew it, the elders in Iani’s extended family started getting involved in organising “conversion therapy” sessions.

Iani’s grandmother and uncle came over to their house one day. It was clear right away that this wasn’t just a normal social visit; Iani only saw their uncle at larger family gatherings and celebrations. Their uncle is an Ustaz — a male Islamic religious teacher — and he made Iani sit in the corner of the living room. He then began calling out to an “evil spirit” in the room, and asked it to speak with the group.

It was a confusing experience for Iani, because while he made it look as if he were speaking with an “evil spirit”, it soon became clear that he was speaking directly to Iani. He asked a range of questions, and most of them were phrased to get the answers that he wanted to hear.

“Are you sad often?” he asked.

“Yes,” Iani, who had a medical history of anxiety and depression, answered.

“Do you feel like your parents don’t understand you?” he followed up.

“Yes,” Iani, whose parents wanted to put them through “conversion therapy”, replied.

The questioning went on for a while, but he never asked Iani (or the “evil spirit”, for that matter) anything about being lesbian. Instead, the questions were generic enough — as if by intention — that most teenagers at Iani’s age would answer the exact same way.

At the end of the session, he declared that Iani was possessed by a jinn — an evil spirit in Islamic mythology. The jinn, he explained to Iani’s parents, was responsible for influencing Iani’s sexuality and needed to be expelled from their body for them to become “normal”.

The session was mentally exhausting for Iani, because they had to suppress a multitude of emotions. First was anger: they felt that their uncle’s mixing of his superstitious beliefs with Islam was insulting to the religion. Then disbelief: Iani didn’t expect their father, who was well-educated, to be so easily swayed by his claims. Finally, betrayal: Iani had just witnessed first-hand how quickly their entire family turned on them.

But the benignity of the first session made Iani let their guard down. In a way, nothing could have prepared them for what’s about to come.

Around a week later, Iani’s uncle returned to perform ruqyah (an exorcism) on Iani. He made Iani memorise and recite verses from the Qur’an, and whenever the recital wasn’t to his liking — whether it’s done too loudly, too softly, or “not smoothly enough” — he would whip Iani with a rattan cane. Iani’s parents draped a heavy blanket over Iani’s body before letting their uncle beat them; they were careful to ensure that he wouldn’t leave visible bruises.

Iani’s uncle also made them perform sujud — a low bow, where one gets on their knees and has their head touch the ground. He then held a lighter to each of Iani’s feet as he recited Qur’anic verses to “cast the jinn away”. Iani screamed in pain from the searing heat of the fire, but their parents only saw that as a sign that the exorcism was working. At the end of the ruqyah, Iani’s sexuality remained unchanged, but their trust in their family shattered completely.

It soon became clear to Iani that the ruqyahs that their parents arranged were meticulously planned to ensure that the perpetrators could get away without consequences. When Iani suffered from a mental breakdown, their parents decided to call in an Ustaz for a ruqyah instead of seeking medical help. The Ustaz came over and restrained Iani while he performed his ritual. But when Iani’s father saw the bruises on Iani’s wrists, he immediately scolded the Ustaz.

“Jangan eh! Nanti orang report police! (Don’t do that, what if they report this to the police!)” Iani’s father shouted.

At the end of the session, the Ustaz told Iani’s parents that the jinn possessing Iani was there to destroy their family. This was a test of the strength of their family’s Islamic faith, the Ustaz said. He added that Iani really wasn’t lesbian, but only became so because of the evil influence of the jinn. This line of reasoning — a repetition of what Iani’s uncle previously mentioned — reinforced the idea that LGBTQ+ identities are inherently “unnatural” and can be changed. The Ustaz went on to instruct Iani’s parents to read the Qur’an together every night, and pray together as a family at least once a day in order to drive the jinn away.

Iani’s parents took his advice to heart and began intensifying their “conversion therapy” practices. Every day, Iani’s mother would force them to listen to syarahan (religious sermons) that focused on the “right” ways women should act, and how they should go about finding “good” husbands. Every evening since the visit from the Ustaz, the azan (Islamic call to prayer) at home would blast louder than before.

Iani’s mother also started performing her own exorcisms on Iani: she would put a metal bowl over an open flame, and claim that doing so would hurt the jinn. The metal bowl in itself had no effect on Iani, but over time, it started triggering memories of previous ruqyahs, and would cause anxiety attacks to set in. It appears that Iani’s mother never realised that she was psychologically torturing her already mentally unwell child. Instead, she earnestly engaged in anxiety-triggering activities, thinking that her rituals were working, and that they were somehow helping her child “get better”.

Soon after, Iani’s father made them watch a documentary about the story of Lut [Note 3]. The story of Lut is often quoted by Muslims to demonstrate God’s disapproval of homosexuality. At the end of the documentary, Iani’s father told them that being gay is wrong. This was the first time he made his stance so explicit. Iani was enraged, and argued that Allah also warned against rape in the story of Lut.

“Rape is everywhere, but being gay isn’t,” Iani’s father responded. “That’s why being gay will always be the biggest sin.”

As a survivor of childhood sexual assault, Iani felt like a knife was plunged into their chest. Iani’s father knew about their childhood trauma and how much it affected their mental health. Yet it seemed like he still believed that sexually violating someone else was more acceptable than being gay.

Iani’s existing mental issues, coupled with their parents’ relentless “conversion therapy” practices, meant that they spent considerable time with therapists at IMH. And even though Iani had been vocal about their parents’ abusive behaviours — even telling their therapists that their parents should be the ones receiving treatment — no serious action was taken against their parents. The responses Iani heard back were often along the lines of: “They only act like that because they’re muslims”; “They’re doing this for your own good”; “Some parents are like that”.

Even when a therapist was willing to talk to Iani’s parents about their “conversion therapy” practices, they would find themselves powerless in countering their beliefs.

“I’ve told your parents about sexuality and how it can’t be changed,” the therapist told Iani. “They know that what they’re doing is wrong.”

“So why won’t they stop?” Iani asked. “Why do they keep doing it?”

“They told me that they’re not stopping because they want to be better muslims.”

Iani is much older now, and no longer lives with their parents. They never reconciled with each other, and their relationship remains strained. Though it’s been many years since their last “conversion therapy” encounter, Iani hasn’t fully recovered from the trauma. Listening to azans could trigger anxiety attacks. Hearing someone say “Allah” would bring back memories of being beaten up by their uncle.

The concept of a jinn causing homosexuality might sound unique to Islam, but its main tenets are very similar to other “conversion therapy” beliefs. For one, a core idea behind the jinn’s possession is that people aren’t naturally LGBTQ+, but are influenced by external forces to be so. On top of that, the exorcism of the jinn is just another way of asserting that people’s sexualities can be changed. In those regards, “conversion therapy” practices across religions [Note 4] are more similar than they are different.

It’s important for us to understand that there is medical consensus that “conversion therapy” practices don’t work, and can cause long-term harm on participants (page 115). As we can see from Iani’s story, “conversion therapy” can lead to trauma that deeply affects the mental health of participants.

Many countries have taken action to protect people from the harms of “conversion therapy”. Taiwan has fully banned “conversion therapy” practices, while Germany has done so for minors. Other countries such as Canada, Israel, New Zealand, and the UK are considering legislation that would make them illegal.

Yet “conversion therapy” remains legal in Singapore. Many other teenagers like Iani may continue to be subjected to abusive ruqyahs and face long-term psychological damage. On top of that, Singapore’s domestic abuse laws allow parents to punish their child, so long as it’s done to “correct” the child’s behaviour (s64). This legal loophole means that many parents may be able to continue enlisting the help of Ustazs for “conversion therapy” with no consequence.

[ayurvedakart]

All about stress and anxiety, how to get rid of them

In this blog, you will read all about stress – What is stress, its types, causes, and how to reduce stress and anxiety?

What is stress?

Stress is a feeling that causes emotional, psychological, or physical strain in the body. In simpler words, stress is a state of mind that leads to tension, restlessness, and anxiety. In medical terms, stress is a physical, mental, or emotional factor that leads to tension. It is a reaction of our body against a challenge.

The word stress came from the Latin words ‘strictus‘, meaning tight or narrow and ‘stringere‘, meaning tighten. These words reflect the internal feelings of tightness and constriction of the muscles and breathing. Stress is a normal feeling that can happen to anyone.

Good stress VS Bad stress

One of the most common questions that people ask is, “Is stress good or bad?” First of all, we need to understand what is good stress and bad stress.

Good stress

In the dictionary of a psychologist, good stress is called “Eustress“. This is that type of stress which we feel when we are happy and excited. Sometimes, due to good stress, our pulse fastens. Some instances when a person feels good or positive stress are-

A bride feeling stressed on the day of her wedding

A student feeling stressed before exams as it helps him/her to work hard

Starting as a freelancer

Going for a job interview

Representing your school in a competition

Good stress encourages us to work harder and give our best. It is one of a person’s best assets for achieving peak performance. Sometimes it even helps us to become aware of dangers and take precautions in time.

Bad stress and ways to get rid of bad stress

Another name of bad stress is “Distress“. It happens when we feel so much stressed that it starts affecting our physical, psychological and emotional health. Unlike Eustress, it hinders our ability to do our daily tasks effectively and efficiently. It causes our body’s wear and tear. Negative stress causes anxiety and feels demotivating. Here are some examples when a person feels negative stress.

Death of a family member

Financial crisis

Health problems of oneself or closed ones

Conflicts within family members

Being abused

It is rightly said that stress is like electricity. It provides energy, arises arousal in human beings, and affects performance. However, if the electric current is too high, it can fuse bulbs, damage appliances, etc. Thus high stress can lead to distress and may cause our health to deteriorate. Whereas good stress or little stress motivates us to take steps for our betterment.

There are many ways to reduce bad stress. Some of them are discussed in detail in the upcoming topics. A few ways are –

Regular exercise

Eat healthy

Visualisation meditation

No comparison

The above ways are discussed in detail in the coming topics.

Stress hormones and how to reduce stress hormones naturally and with medication

Cortisol is the main stress hormone. It is a steroid hormone that is released during stress. It is made in adrenal glands. Many people misunderstand cortisol as just a hormone that causes stress. It should be noted that it also helps to control blood sugar levels, reduce inflammation, and control metabolism. Thus it is clear that cortisol is important for your health but a very high level of it can cause many problems in your body.

High-level cortisol can cause a problem called Cushion syndrome which leads to rapid weight gain in the chest, around the face, and abdomen. It also leads to irritability, severe fatigue, high blood pressure, and headache. Tension and depression are also related to high cortisol levels.

How to reduce cortisol levels (stress hormone) naturally?

1- Reducing your stress and anxiety 2- Have foods that help to reduce cortisol like dark chocolate, green tea, and yogurt 3-Sleep well and enough 4-Do not consume caffeine at night

How to reduce cortisol levels(stress hormone) with medication?

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Types of stress

1-Acute stress – This type of stress is the most common one. It is short-term stress and is experienced by a person multiple times in a day. Some examples are – being stuck in traffic, having a test at school, an argument with the boss, having a job interview, pending office work for the day, etc. Generally, single acute stress related problem doesn’t affect a healthy person.

There is another form of acute stress which is known as “Episodic acute stress.” It is a situation when a person feels acute stress for a longer time period. It’s symptoms include high blood pressure, fast heartbeat for a long time, headache, etc.

2-Chronic stress – It is long-term stress as its effects can be long-lasting. Examples include financial difficulties for a long time, repeated failures in career, ruined relationships, etc. If not worked upon, it can have adverse effects on the health and may lead to problems like high blood pressure, heart problems, anxiety disorders, etc.

What are the causes of stress?

Have you ever wondered what causes stress? There are many sources of stress. They are as follows:

1-Thinking too much about the result – Everyone wants to succeed in whatever he/she does. Be it a student studying before exams, a person preparing for an interview, a professional cricketer playing a match, someone starting a business, a woman cooking food for her family, so on and so forth. Everyone wants to get the best results and that’s absolutely all right. Aspiring to be the best is a very good thing but in aspiring to be the best, sometimes people think a lot about the end result. “What if I fail to clear my exam?“, “What I will do If he doesn’t like my food?“, “What will I do if I don’t get this job?“.

These are just a few of the questions which many of us ask ourselves even before starting something. Focusing too much on the end result instead of the process deprives one of the joy of the process.

2-Believing something which is not true – This is one of the most important causes of stress. Many people believe in advance as per their own imagination. If you anticipate success, that’s good but if you anticipate failure, that becomes a source of stress and you don’t feel like completing that task.

Picture this, that a student is waiting for her result. While waiting, she starts thinking that she would fail. What would she feel? She would be stressed out. Another example is that a person got cold and cough and he got his Covid-19 test. Even before the report, he starts thinking that he has got Covid. What would he feel like? You guessed it absolutely correct.

3-Always saying “Yes”- It is a natural instinct of human beings to impress others. It feels very good to be a people’s person. Sometimes, in an attempt to impress others, many of us accept everything the other person says. We always become available for others.

Example- Your friend asks you to go out with him. Though you have your classes or you are busy but just to impress him or not to disappoint him, you go out with him. It becomes our habit to say yes and we agree with other person without thinking and if later on, we are not able to do that thing, we feel stressed.

4-Comparison – Comparison is the root cause of stress and anxiety especially in youngsters. Many times, comparing yourself with others makes one feel inferior. “See, my car is bigger than yours or My father earns more than yours” attitude makes one feel inferior and less important. Many parents also compare their children with the other children. Teachers also have a habit of comparing the marks of the students and you know what is the result of this comparison? Yes. That is stress.

5-More expenses than earnings – This is another reason for stress. The most common reason for stress, and anxiety when Covid-19 came was that livelihood was affected. People were expelled from their jobs which drastically affected their earnings but expenses never lessened.

How to reduce stress?

1-Focus on the process – If you ask me, “How to reduce stress and tension?” I would tell you that whatever you do, always focus on the process instead of the result. Fall in love with the process and enjoy each and every step. The result would automatically come in your favor. So, from now on, make it a habit to focus on the journey rather on the destination.

2-Visual meditation – “How to reduce stress immediately?” Visualization exercise/meditation is a very effective stress buster that helps in the relaxation of your body and mind. Practice this stress, and anxiety relief technique whenever you feel stressed, anxious, or depressed. For long-lasting results, you should practice this exercise daily. Before you begin with the visualization technique, do deep breathing exercise till you start feeling comfortable and your anxiety starts diminishing. This visual meditation technique is as follows:

Before the exercise

“Sit on a chair or sofa and close your eyes. Relax. Deep breathe in. Completely relax. It’s going to help you and take you to a different zone. Allow it to happen.

Starting the exercise

Imagine that you are sitting on a beach chair. Imagine everything in detail. The warmth of white sand, crystal clear blue ocean with cool water which is touching your feet, birds chirping, calm sound of waves. There is no rush. You are very happy and relaxed with no stress or anxiety. Very calm and living your life to the fullest. You love your life, yourself, and your work.

There is a purpose in your life and you are working happily to fulfil it. You are completely out of your bad past experiences. The mistakes you made only helped you to learn and grow. Each day you wake up with full enthusiasm and thank God for this wonderful and blessed life and each night you sleep with full satisfaction that you made the best of your day. There is a roof over you, clothes to wear, and food to survive.

You do not have grudges against anyone and people also don’t have grudges against you. You forgive all those who have hurt you intentionally or unintentionally. People love your company. You are an inspiration. Relax.

Now slowly open your eyes and imagine that you are walking away from the beach and remember that this beautiful place is with you every time you feel depressed.”

3-Say no to comparisons – Each and every individual on this planet has something unique. You can’t compare yourself with someone else. Comparison would only increase your stress and you won’t be able to appreciate your talent. Parents and teachers should stop comparing children with one another on any basis. This will help a lot to reduce stress and anxiety.

4-Yoga for stress management – One of the most useful tool in stress management is to practice yoga daily. There are many yoga asanas for stress relief. Here are some of the yoga poses for stress relief.

I-Corpse pose (Savasana) – Legs should be close to each other but not touch each other -Arms at the side with palm facing upwards -Close your eyes and do deep breathing for few minutes

II-Easy pose (Sukhasana) – Sit straight and cross your legs, place each foot beneath the opposite knee as shown in the picture -Place your hands on the knees with palms facing downwards -Lengthen your spine but relax your feet and legs while sitting in the same position and make sure that your body weight is balanced -Hold this position for one minute and change the cross of your legs

5-Food for stress relief – There are many stress buster foods that help to reduce stress and anxiety levels.

A- Dark chocolate – Dark chocolate contains fiber and antioxidants which help to prevent cell damage and improve blood flow.

B- Yoghurt – Yogurt contains good bacteria which have a positive effect on brain health and thus helps in reducing anxiety, and stress.

C- Green tea – Green tea has an amino acid called Theanine which helps to reduce anxiety and stress.

D- Pumpkin seeds – Pumpkin is rich in Potassium which helps to reduce anxiety and stress levels.

6-Listening to stress-relieving music – You might get surprised to know that there is no stress relieving music genre in particular. So, which music to hear when you are in tension? Listen to your favorite music, the music you like the most.

7-Pursuing your hobby – It is a very interesting way to get rid of stress, tension, and anxiety. Doing what you like and that too daily is a great anxiety reliever.

I heartily thank you for reading the article. If you found it useful, please share it. If you have any suggestions for me, feel free to contact me.