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0nerd-at-heart0 · 3 months

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The Stress of a Case

Harvey Specter x Female Reader

Please Read: Hello! It's been a hot minute since I have published anything. Have been currently studying for my LSATS and have been a busy bee but after being obsessed with Suits for the past 2 years and waiting for more Harvey stories to be published I decided to create my own little storyline. What started off as a storyline in my head is now on paper. I have this idea to create a mini-story/universe: how the reader got hired, when she first met Mike, her first case with Harvey, her first date with Harvey, etc. I guess I just want to see if people are interested. It's been a while since I had written anything that wasn't an academic paper and my writing skills have changed drastically. This is one of the first the fics of the universe I am building in my head that I have written so I decided to publish this. I hope yall enjoy it, please give feedback.

Warnings: Talks about not eating (due to stress), food mention, panic attack details, fainting, Harvey being an ass, cursing I think? if I am missing anything please let me know

Word count: 5.6k

Taglist: @happy74827 @princessvader15 @hashcakes @yiiiikesmish @malfoys-demigod

I tagged those who commented under my last post I hope that's okay and if you aren't interested in being tagged let me know and I will remove you sorry.

As you entered the corridors of Pearson Hardman, they were alive with the usual buzz of legal minds at work, but this time, a distinct tension hung in the air. You didn't even get a few steps into the associates area before hearing the straining voice of Louis Litt yelling that there was an emergency meeting.

You scrambled behind, stuffing your mouth with the banana nut muffin you thought you would eat peacefully at your desk this morning. You knew what this meeting was about, everyone knew. The case against Amir Jackson, the firm's ex-lawyer turned adversary, had everyone on edge.

The briefing room was filled with hushed whispers as everyone settled in, and even the confident strides of Harvey Specter and Louis Litt carried a subtle weight.

Harvey, impeccably dressed as always, stood at the head of the conference table, his piercing gaze flickering between Jessica Pearson and the gathered associates, and maybe it was your imagination but it might have lingered a little longer on you. Snapped out of your imagination when he spoke, "Listen up, people. This case is different. Amir Jackson knows us inside out, and he won't hesitate to use that knowledge against us. He's playing dirty, and we need to be ready for anything."

You never got to meet Amir Jackson, but oh the stories. The firm had no problem doing what they needed to do to be successful, but there was a line they never dared cross and Amir crossed it.

Jessica leaned forward, her hands planted firmly on the table. "Amir's betrayal when he left this firm was bad enough. Now, he's trying to take a piece of us with him. We can't let that happen."

Louis chimed in. "I've seen my fair share of dirty plays, but this guy is in a league of his own. We need to be one step ahead, or he'll bury us."

The gravity of the situation was sinking in, associates exchanged knowing glances. They understood the magnitude of the challenge ahead. Amir Jackson wasn't just a legal opponent; he was a former comrade who knew their strengths and weaknesses intimately. The fact that there was a meeting needing to be held just told how much this case was about to get tricky. Usually the inner circle dealt with these cases: Harvey, Louis, Jessica, Mike and maybe sometimes Rachel.

Your role as the go-to person for legal paperwork kept you in the thick of it. While Harvey Specter had his famed right-hand man in Mike Ross, he knew he could rely on you for drafting contracts with a precision that went beyond mere proficiency.

You might not have been Harvey's drinking buddy or his confidant like Mike, but there was a unique dynamic between you both. It was a quiet understanding that transcended the formalities of the workplace. You knew you would never be his protege, and that was perfectly fine with you. What you brought to the table was a specialized skill set that complemented Harvey's legal prowess, if you do say so yourself.

His voice thundered through the briefing room as he adjusted his cuffs, “I am building a specific legal team to help bring down Amir Jackson”.

Of coure Harvey was going to pick Mike Ross, Mike was worth more than 8 associates. How much more help does he need? Who else could he need? Harvey's eyes scanned the room filled with associates. His gaze settled on you, and he flashed a sly grin. "You, Y/N. You're on my team for this one.”

Harvey and you had worked together various times. He always knew he could count on you for legal paperwork. As much as he depended on Mike Ross, there was one thing you were that Mike wasn’t and that was that you had a talent when it came to drafting contracts. But I believe that there was some respect, one might even say in a blossoming friendship between you and him. You got a spark of it when he teasingly picked you out of the bunch of associates to be part of his team for his takedown of Amir Jackson.

“You know, Y/N, if paperwork were an Olympic sport, you'd be a gold medalist," Harvey remarked with a wry grin, “And I expect you to bring the gold home for Pearson Hardman”

“I won’t let you down Sir”, you gave a weak smile as all eyes were on you.

You hated the attention, yet you couldn’t help the small heat you felt on our cheeks as Harvey stared at you. Drawn to playing with the bracelet you wore as you slightly cringed at yourself for the words that came out of your mouth. Sir? Really. Stupid, you thought.

Harvey moved past it and called out the name of 2 more associates and asked if anyone else wanted in on the case had to draw up a proposal. He only wanted the best of the best and trust him, he would get the best of the best.

You made your way to Harvey’s office as the meeting was dismissed. And you reminisce on the first time Harvey complimented on your legal work.

“ Are you a sorcerer”, Harvey asked as he made his way to your cubicle. It was late one night and you were stuck on an email. You had this need to overachieve and be perfect and it showed in everything you did. But if you were being honest it was exhausting.

You glanced up, raising an eyebrow. "Well, Harvey, someone has to make sure the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed. Can't let you walk into a negotiation with a misplaced comma, now can we?"

You don’t know what has gotten into you. Maybe it's the lack of sleep or the fact that you had 4 coffees. But the confidence was there and to your surprise, Harvey chuckled.

You swear you saw a twinkle in his eye as he responded, "You're practically the Mozart of legal documents. I half expect those contracts to start singing a symphony when I open them."

You smirked, setting aside the email you were currently writing, swiveling your chair to face him, "If you want a soundtrack to your legal victories, Harvey, I'm sure I can find a way to make that happen."

He tilted his head, a playful glint in his eyes. "Now that's the kind of innovation I like to see. Who needs background music at a negotiation? Just cue in Y/N legal masterpiece."

You couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the idea. "I'll be sure to add it to the list of services I provide, Harvey. Background music, legal counsel, and a dash of flair."

Harvey straightened up, his signature confidence in full force. "Flair is your middle name, isn't it? The 'Legal Maestro with a Touch of Flair.' Has a nice ring to it."

You rolled your eyes, feigning exasperation. "I'll have to update my business cards. But let's be honest, Harvey, you appreciate the flair. It's what sets my paperwork apart from the rest."

Harvey smirked, leaning in. "You're not wrong. But don't let it get to your head. I can't have you drafting contracts with a crown on, declaring yourself the Queen of Legal Documents." He turned to leave right after and you could have sworn you were asleep and that any moment now you would wake up from this dream.

You yelled out, “Don't worry, Harvey. I'll keep the royal proclamations to a minimum. Wouldn't want to overshadow your crown as the King of Closing Deals." And you could have sworn he let out a hearty laugh from down the hall.

“Y/N, nice of you to join us”, Harvey said. Jessica and Mike were already in the room as the other associates were already screaming. They had been given their assignments and were off to work.

“What can I do”, you spoke above a whisper, feeling small as the eyes were all on you. Jessica knew your history, she knew you struggled to be the shark of a lawyer you could be. But she hired you anyway, your interview with her wasn't the best. But she saw something in you, something that reminded her of herself when she was starting off. She was gonna build and mold you to a shark. But for now she let you be. A shark wasn’t born overnight.

“ I need one of your flawless contracts for Amir. I need no loopholes. Nothing he can use against us”, Harvey spoke in a harsher tone then he meant.

All you could do was nod your head and swiftly leave the room to do the research needed. Leaving Mike, Harvey and Jessica to chatter. As you walked down the corridor you saw Louis making his way to Harvey’s office with Rachel in tow. All hands on deck indeed, you thought to yourself.

The first night working on that draft through the dim glow of the late-night office lights illuminated your determined face. The rhythmic tapping of the keyboard was accompanied by the occasional crunch of Hot Cheetos.

Proud of your work, you compiled the neatly typed pages and confidently walked over to Harvey Specter's desk. As you placed the document in the designated spot, you felt relief wash over you. It’s currently 2:00 am, no one is here but you but you really wanted to prove your worth.

With only 5 hours asleep, the next day, you walked into the office, a little pep in your step. You made yourself some crappy coffee. And were about to head into the bullpen.

Harvey, engrossed in his own work the minute he stepped into the office, took a moment to glance at the papers. His stern expression, usually unreadable, twisted into a scowl as he noticed a small Hot Cheeto stain near the corner of the document. And called you down to his office. Your pep was gone once you heard his tone of voice as he called your name. Turning on your heel you headed towards his office. Donna was expecting you and let you by. One foot through the door is as far as you got before Harvey had something to say.

"Do you see this?" Harvey's voice was sharp pointing at the small stain.

Panicking slightly, you stammered, "I'm sorry, Harvey. I must have missed that." It was an easy fix, just print another copy, you thought to yourself making a mental note.

Harvey's gaze shifted from the stain to the content of the contract. He began circling errors with a red pen, his frustration apparent. "And these mistakes? This is what you place on my desk and yet it isn't up to my expectations”.

As he pointed out the errors, your pride in their work crumbled. The Hot Cheeto stain seemed to just make Harvey go on a power trip.. Each correction felt like a blow,"I expect better from you," Harvey remarked, his tone cold and unforgiving.

You nodded, unable to muster a response. Maybe the growing friendship you thought of was truly in your head. As Harvey returned to his own work, you retreated to their desk, determined to rectify the mistakes.

You admit your first draft wasn't the best. And you shouldn't have eaten near the paperwork. You were currently starving as you finished up the last paragraph. It’s been 6 hours since Harvey scolded you but this draft was perfect. And after you turned it in you were going to treat yourself to a nice dinner. Probably the Mexican place down the road. You were zoned in for the past 6 hours. This was the only case you were working on and it needs all your attention. But your attention was quickly zoned into the associate that was stumbling through the door.

Mike comes waltzing in, barely having any balance. You and Mike haven't really talked much. But he didn't look well.

“ Hey, Mike. You okay?" you asked, concerned in your voice.

Mike attempted a nonchalant smile, but the wavering balance gave away his inebriated state. "Yeah, just...you know, a little tired."

Observing Mike closely, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the story. "Are you sure about that?"

Mike hesitated before confessing, "Okay, fine. Maybe a bit more than tired. Harvey and I went to meet someone about the Amir Jackson case, and things got a bit...out of hand with the drinks"

Your concern shifted to a mix of annoyance and frustration. While you had been tirelessly working on the second version of the contract, Harvey and Mike were out getting drunk. "Seriously, Mike? We have a case to win, and you two are out here partying?"

Mike scratched his head, a sheepish grin on his face. "We thought it was a good idea at the time. Maybe it was a bit impulsive."

Determined to express their frustration, you headed towards Harvey's office, the door slightly opened,. Knocking lightly, you entered and handed Harvey the second draft of the contract. The faster you gave it to him the faster you could leave.

"Here's the updated version, Harvey," you said, trying to mask your annoyance. After all, he is still the boss.

You sped walked out of there and back to your cubicle. Mike was there still, with his head on his desk.

“Go ask Donna for some pain killers, you still have a long night ahead of you”, you told him.

Mike just nodded and stumbled as he stood up to go to Donna. You were packing your bags, ready to call it an early night. When your computer dinged. You sat down to respond to an email quickly when you felt the tension of the bullpen change drastically.

“What is this, Y/N ?" Harvey's tone was sharp, his blue eyes piercing into mine.

You frowned, confused by the unexpected hostility. "It's the contract you asked for, Harvey. I double-checked everything, and it's all in order."

He scoffed, he took out a red marker from his pocket and started circling stuff with his red marker again, "This is subpar, even for an associate. I don't have time for amateur hour."

You felt a knot tighten in your stomach, a mix of frustration and disbelief. "Harvey, I don't understand. I followed the protocol, and the contract is flawless. What's the issue?"

He leaned in, his voice dropping to a low, cutting tone. "Flawless? If this is your definition of flawless, we're in trouble. I need precision, not this half-baked attempt at legal work."

The comments were like a punch to the gut. Harvey's relentless standards were known, but this seemed different. You couldn't fathom what had triggered such a harsh reaction. Was he too tipsy? Doubt crept into your mind, questioning your abilities despite knowing that the document was, by all standards, impeccable.

As you scrambled to gather my thoughts, Harvey continued. "If you can't handle the basics, I don't know why I bother keeping you around. Maybe it's time for a reality check, Y/N."

His words hung in the air, a heavy weight on my shoulders. The bullpen fell silent, and your colleagues exchanged uneasy glances. You knew how people judged women for being emotional in the workplace but you could not help the tears welling in your eyes.

Harvey turned on his heel and walked away without a second glance, leaving you with a sinking feeling of inadequacy. You stared at the perfectly crafted document, now dismissed and devalued by Harvey's cutting words. It was a moment of doubt, a crack in the confidence you had built in your work. Goodbye nice dinner, you thought to yourself as we sat at your cubicle, back to square one.

It's been about a week since Harvey yelled at you. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat. Doubt was eating you. You were always proud of your writing skills, that was what you were known for. This is what got you hired at Pearson Hardman. What if you weren't good enough for this job anymore? Did you speak? Your mind was racing and you were lucky enough to talk yourself down. You were currently working on your fifth version of this contract. Every draft before that had him taking out his red marker. A part of you could have sworn he was just circling things at random, but who are you to question the great Harvey Specter. It was 2:00 pm and you thought maybe you deserve a snack so you headed to the breakroom. Who do you happen to run into Mike Ross? He had no faults but just happened to be the unwitting recipient of your frustration.

You stormed up to Mike barely containing the anger that had been building for weeks. "Mike, we need to talk," I blurted out, not bothering to hide the frustration in my voice.

Mike looked up from his sandwich, surprised by the intensity of my tone. "Sure, Y/N, what's going on?"

You took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words. "It's just... Do you ever feel like you're stuck in someone's shadow? Like no matter how hard you work, you're always one step behind?"

Mike furrowed his brow, sensing the gravity of my emotions. "What happened? Is it Harvey?"

You nodded, my frustration bubbling over. "It's always Harvey. He treats you like a partner, his drinking buddy, his go-to guy for everything. Meanwhile, I'm drowning in his shadow, drowning in rewrites and unreasonable expectations."

Mike leaned back, a sympathetic expression on his face. "I get it. Harvey has his moments. But you're great at what you do. Maybe he just doesn't see it."

"That's the problem, Mike. He doesn't see it. I'm just the person who writes and rewrites, constantly trying to meet his impossible standards. Did you know I can't even eat at my desk because once there was a Hot Cheeto stain on one of the drafts, and he lost it?"

Mike's eyes widened, realizing the extent of my frustration. "That's harsh, Y/N. Look, I know I have a different dynamic with Harvey, but it doesn't mean he values you any less. Maybe you should talk to him about how you're feeling."

"It's not that easy, Mike. I'm tired of being the one in the background. I can't handle the pressure anymore." you confessed, your voice laced with a mix of anger and vulnerability.

Mike sighed, understanding the weight of your words. "I can't fix everything, but I can listen. And I am truly sorry"

“NO, NO, no I am sorry Mike, I am not mad at you or at Harvey. I guess I am mad at myself. I am just going back to work on my fifth version of this document”, you said as you felt the hunger take over. But you pushed through. You had to push through.

As you walked out of the break room, Mike became an unexpected ally. He went to his binder Harvey put together and looked for the fourth version of the contract knowing Harvey had put it all in the file to look over. The document was perfect, no one could have done it better.

Mike took in your look when you came bargaining in here. You looked awful. And what it was barely a week working on the case. Mike had heard about Harvey yelling in the bullpen but it had caused you so much disarray that Mike knew Harvey took it too far. He knew you and he didn't talk as much but Rachel adored you and he had to do the right thing and get Harvey to apologize.

Donna saw Mike striding towards Harvey’s office and knew what was coming. Donna knew Harvey was wound tight. That this case was getting the best of him and taking it out on the lovely Y/N but lord forbid she say anything. The last time she tried she nearly got her head chewed off too and Harvey right now needs to know he isn't alone in this case.

"Harvey, you're being too hard on Y/N. The contract she wrote was perfect, and every draft since then has only improved upon perfection. You can't keep circling random stuff just to make her rewrite it," Mike asserted, his tone firm as he entered Harvey’s office. The fourth version of your contract in his hand.

Harvey shot him a sharp glance. "I demand the best, and if she can't deliver, then maybe she's not cut out for this."

Mike shook his head. "It's not about delivering, Harvey. It's about you being stressed out over the case and taking it out on her. She's doing her best, and you need to acknowledge that."

Before Harvey could respond, Donna chimed in. "Mike's right, Harvey. I've seen the way you've been treating Y/N, and it's not fair. You've always had a soft spot for her, even if you won't admit it.”

Harvey raised an eyebrow. "A soft spot? Donna, you're reading too much into it."

Donna crossed her arms, "Harvey. I am Donna and I know everything. I also see everything. Harvey. Remember the time she was sick, and you made sure she had everything she needed? Or how you personally chose her for the team during the Jackson case? You compliment her skills and skip past everyone else you named for your team. You've got a soft spot for her, whether you admit it or not”

Mike nodded in agreement. "You can't deny it, Harvey. There's something about her that you can't ignore. Maybe it's time to acknowledge it and cut her some slack."

Harvey sighed, he didn't appreciate Mike and Donna ganging up on him but the fact that they were meant they maybe had a point, "Fine. Maybe I've been too hard on her. But she needs to know that mediocrity isn't acceptable."

Donna shook her head. "Harvey, there's a difference between pushing for excellence and being unnecessarily harsh. You owe Y/N an apology."

Reluctantly, Harvey nodded. "Alright. I'll talk to her. But this doesn't mean I'm going soft."

Donna smirked. "We wouldn't want that, Harvey."

Harvey made his way to find you. While Donna and Mike exchanged a knowing look. He made his way down to Rachels office, knowing that's where he will find you at these hours. He was taking the elevator and he thought about the last time both of you were in the elevator. It was the day the Amir Jackson case got handed for the first time. Harvey was on his way to meet with Amir for the first time in a long time to talk over the case, get under his skin.

The elevator doors closed, enclosing Harvey Specter and Y/N in a small, confined space. The tension from the Jackson case was already weighing heavily on Harvey, evident by the way he impatiently tugged at his perfectly knotted tie.

"Harvey, relax. You're going to strangle yourself with that tie if you keep pulling on it," you quipped. You realized the stress coming off him and the words just flew out of your mouth before you could think.

Harvey shot them a sidelong glance, his usual stoicism momentarily replaced by a flicker of amusement. "Maybe I'd be better off without it."

A small, unexpected laugh escaped Harvey's lips, surprising both him and Y/N. It was a rare sight to witness Harvey Specter, the embodiment of seriousness, letting his guard down even for a moment. Specifically with you.

" This isn't your first time easing the tension, I see the way you calm Rachel down when she gets in over her head. You always find a way to lighten the mood. What's your secret?" Harvey teased, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

You shrugged, a smile forming as you too let down your guard "Maybe it's just my superpower. The ability to make even the mighty Rachel and even the mysterious Harvey Specter crack a smile."

Harvey's expression shifted back to his usual cool exterior, but a subtle warmth lingered in his eyes. "Careful, now you might start thinking you're irreplaceable."

As the elevator continued its ascent, the banter between you quieted down and Harvey and you started to go back to normal. Back to the quietness and coldness.

But before the elevator opened to the floor, Harvey sneaked in, “Well, don't let it get to your head. You're not the comedian Pearson Specter, just the document wizard.", his smile lingered a little before the face of the closer returned to its hard exterior.

If you were there longer than Rachel or she was busy running around the office she allowed you to work in her small office room. It was currently 4:00 pm but Louis had yelled at all the associates and dismissed them for the day for being useless. Only those working on the Amir case were still here, plus Donna and Rachel. Rachel was off trying to get the emails of old associates of Amir. You thought that Mike probably went off with her after your little breakdown to him. You knew Harvey was in the office and that you were typing on your keyboard like there was no tomorrow. You meticulously worked on the revised legal document, determined to prove to Harvey Specter that you could meet his standards and trying to prove yourself that you could melt your own standards. The door swung open abruptly, and you hooked up to see Harvey's stern expression.

"Y/N, we need to talk," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle, yet you couldn't shake the feeling that another reprimand was imminent.

Your pulse quickened, and your breath caught in your throat. The anxiety that had been simmering since Harvey's earlier criticism surged to the surface. You felt a tightness in my chest, your hands trembling as you tried to compose myself.

Harvey noticed your distress, as his expression softened, and he took a step closer. "Hey, relax. I just wanted to talk about earlier. I think I may have been too harsh."

The words barely registered as your panic escalated. Your mind raced, and suddenly, you found it difficult to breathe. The walls of the office seemed to close in on you. Before you could respond, the edges of your vision blurred, and a wave of dizziness overcame you as you sat at the desk, gripping on to the edge for support.

Harvey's concern deepened as he watched you struggle. "Hey hey hey, whoa, take it easy. You are okay, everything is okay”

But you couldn't catch your breath, and panic tightened its grip. Your hands shook uncontrollably, and you gasped for air. In the midst of the chaos, Harvey acted swiftly. He made his way around the desk kneeling down to be at eye level with you.

"Deep breaths, Y/N. In and out," Harvey instructed, his voice a soothing anchor in the storm of panic.

As you continued to struggle, Harvey, without hesitation, he took your hand and placed it over his heart. "Feel my heartbeat? Match your breaths to it. In, and out”

His heartbeat served as a rhythmic guide, and slowly, your breaths synchronized with its steady cadence. The panic began to subside, replaced by a sense of calm that washed over you. As the storm within you quieted, exhaustion set in, and the world around you blurred into darkness.

Harvey caught you as you passed out. Guilt swept over him because he knew he was the cause of this. He can’t remember the last time he saw you smile, the last time you ate, the last time you lit up a room. You were giving your all in this case and by doing so you were giving away parts of yourself too. He moved you onto Rachels couch so you could lay down properly. He knew you passed out because of panic and the lack of eating, he noticed these things about you. He noticed a lot about you actually, damn it Donna, he thought.

He took his pocket square and wet it with your water bottle. He adjusted himself to the couch, moving so that your head was on his lap as he placed the cool rag on your forehead.

The aftermath of the panic attack had left both of you in a vulnerable state. Yet Harvey couldn't deny the flutter in his chest as he gazed down at you. Was it concern for your well-being, or was it the proximity that had him on edge? He shook off the thought, focusing on steadying his own heartbeat.

In the midst of the stillness, the door creaked open, and right on cue Mike Ross cautiously entered. He took in the scene, the concern etched across his face.

"What happened?" Mike asked, his eyes shifting between Harvey and your unconscious state, ready to fight Harvey if he did you any physical harm.

Harvey, in his usual commanding tone, snapped, "Go to the Mexican restaurant two blocks down and get two number 5's."

Mike, taken aback, stammered, "But—"

"Just do it," Harvey insisted, his gaze never leaving you.

Mike quickly exited, leaving Harvey alone with his unconscious colleague. He had so many questions but Harvey’s tone told him everything he needed to know. Minutes later, the door swung open again, revealing Mike with bags of Mexican takeout in hand.

"Here," Mike said, handing the bags to Harvey. "I'll take off early for the night. Rachel and I were thinking about grabbing dinner. You got this, right?" A little weary to leave you, feeling like he should tell Rachel, Donna or even Jessica. But the look in Harvey’s eye told him he had nothing to worry about.

Harvey nodded, a silent acknowledgment of Mike's understanding. As Mike left, Harvey couldn't help but feel a mix of gratitude and guilt. He knew you hadn't been eating well, and by the looks of your under eye bags you also hadn't been sleeping and the panic attack had been triggered by the stress of the Jackson case, a burden he bore on both their shoulders.

As you began to stir, Harvey glanced down at the bags of Mexican food. The aroma filled the room, and he hoped the gesture would, in some small way, make up for the turmoil he inadvertently caused.

"You're awake," Harvey remarked as you slowly opened their eyes.

You ignored everything around you as you slowly sat up with the help of Harvey. A blush rushing on your face realizing how close you were to Harvey. But all that faded when you saw the food, "How did you know this is my favorite?"

“That’s the first thing you ask?’Harvey raised an eyebrow.

Your body slowly turned to face him.The headache and body sores had you wincing in pain. Harvey’s eyes held much guilt and sadness in them even as he tried to suppress them and act strong in front of you. This was about you and not about what he was feeling.

“I am a simple girl. I get easily distracted by food”, you let out a small laugh even though you are exhausted, “Now answer my question”

Harvey hesitated, the words lingering on the tip of his tongue, he wanted to say that it's because he knew you. But Instead of admitting the depth of his knowledge about you, he chose a simpler response. "Who doesn't love Mexican food?"

You hummed as he moved the desk closer to you so you wouldn't have to get up from the couch. The food was spread out and he took a seat next to you. A silence took over the room as you both began to eat. The atmosphere was heavy with unspoken tension, the events of the panic attack still lingering in the air.

Harvey cleared his throat, breaking the uneasy silence. "Look, Y/N, I wanted to apologize for the unnecessary pressure I put on you. It was out of line, and I shouldn't have let it escalate to the point of causing a panic attack."

You glanced up from your plate, a mixture of exhaustion and forgiveness in your eyes. "Harvey, it's not entirely your fault. The case is stressful, and I should have handled it better."

Harvey's expression softened at your words. "That doesn't excuse my behavior. I should have been more considerate. I don't want you to feel like you have to carry the weight of the case alone."

You sighed, pushing the food around on their plate. "Harvey, I forgive you, but on one condition."

Harvey raised an eyebrow, silently urging you to continue.

" I can't keep being treated like an outsider, I know I only got hired because of my writing skills but I want to do more, be more. I want to be more than just the person who drafts contracts. I know I can be a kick ass lawyer if given the chance."

Harvey took a moment to absorb your words. The realization of the impact of his actions sank in, and he nodded. "You're right”

“Did those words really just come out of your mouth”, your eye grew wide as a smile danced on your lips’’

“Just, can you just shush for a moment”, he said as he placed his fork down.

“ Jessca told me when you were hired that you were born to be a shark. I guess I got so caught up in your skills that I haven't really even given you the chance to dominate the courtroom. I shouldn't have overlooked that."

You saw something in his eyes you had never seen before. Was it hope?

You both continued to eat in subdued silence, the tension in the room shifted. The unspoken feelings between both of you simmered beneath the surface. This was forever changing the dynamic of your professional relationship.

So where do you all go after this? The case of Amir Jackson isn't over, there is much more left for you both to do. This isn't the end. This is only the beginning, leaving both Harvey and you to navigate whatever comes next.

#harvey specter x reader #harvey specter x you #harvey specter #suits #suits usa #suits tv #mike ross #donna paulsen #Pearson Hardman

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bruciemilf · 2 years

Note

Hi, Lee! Your AUs have given me many brainworms so I thought I'll share my brainworms in retaliation XD

No capes actor AU

Bruce inherited his love for theater and acting from Alfred. He's usually shy, awkward and a nervous wreck (think Battinson) but once he's behind a camera, he plays his role flawlessly. He can be the confident and gentle prince charming, the suave and flirtatious rogue or the cruel and sadistic monster. It doesn't matter, as long as the camera is rolling, Bruce Wayne is in character.

An important thing to note is that Bruce Wayne is unbelievably attractive. So, you have an attractive actor playing all these hot characters, what do you do? Create thirst traps obviously!

The kids suffer for it. Bruce keeps winning 'The Hottest Man Alive' and they can't even read reviews of movies their dad is acting in because all the comments are about how sexy he is. They're scrolling through twitter and suddenly someone tweets about the veins on Bruce Wayne's arms.

STOP! Their dad is lovable, innocent and sweet. Stop corrupting him with your lust!

Bruce stopped accepting romance roles because his kids begged him to (in an attempt to stop the thirst) but it got worst! They tell him to mention them in every one of his rare interviews (he's very shy so he doesn't do much interviews) to signal that he's a dad and very unavailable and the internet loves a DILF so you can guess what happened. They can't win. No matter what they do, people keep thirsting over their dad.

The kids are suffering and Bruce? Mr 'please don't perceive me' Wayne? He straight up blocked every mention of himself on the internet so he sees none of it. He told the kids to do the same but they wanted to read about how much people love their dad (they're very proud of him) so they endure the daily psychic damage and simply suffer.

I???? THIS IS A MASTERPIECE NEVER A MISTAKE. PERIOD EXCLAMATION MARK YAS MAMA SLAY THE WHITE HOUSE DOWN

If I may add

BECAUSE he's a highly requested actor who's almost always in the headlines, Bruce can't see his babies as much as he wants to, so all those mother henning instincts can't be bottled up.

Bruce earns himself the reputation of being the Mom Friend to his co-stars.

There's a viral video somewhere of him doing Harley's make up for her because she claims only he can do it right, and a video of him feeding Selina yoghurt, and tying Harvey's shoelaces between takes if they film a project together

Personally, a huge fan of the " actors who play assholes but are in fact the biggest sweethearts " breed, so I'm gonna need the villains being cute as fuck behind the scenes.

If they're doing an intense fight scene, Bane apologizes to Bruce continuesly because the guy insists on doing his own stunts. Bruce always giggles between being patched up and pats his arm

Damian refuses to be left at home, and there's absolutely a viral video of tiny damian wayne jumping to kick and punch at Clark's leg (who plays Gray Ghost's rival in the movie) when he " attacks" Bruce and it made everyone's day

Selina accidentally injures Bruce the MOST and there's compilations of her accidentally kicking him straight in the jaw, or punching him, or dropping stuff on him, and looking impossibly guilty about it. " I'm sorry - I'm so sorry baby" and Bruce of course always is like " It's okay :D"

Bruce's trailer is everyone's hang out spot. He does instagram lives where he talks about theory and lore and technicalities, and there's just someone or someones always there!!

Diana practising sword fighting, Harley doing tik tok dances, Pam watering the flowers he gets everywhere they go in full Mother Nightmare get up, and they're just there to see him blush and mumble at the thirsty comments

Also the batkids are jealous of every single on screen child Bruce films with, because he's so affectionate and loving with them. Jason's twitter is just him dunking on every single child co-star and he's not at all sorry about it

#bruce wayne #actor au #dc #dc comics #btw i have not forgotten abt the little one shot you wrote me for the league finding out bruce's true identity and bestie lets talk #i love love love your bruce so so much i will actually die if i dont get more content of him #batfam

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probablyhuntersmom · 1 year

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Hunter's Possession Scenes and the Theme of Enmeshment

The usual warnings: explorations of trauma and abuse ahead.

Enmeshment happens when there is the lack of boundaries and lack of defined roles in a family system, and the party with more power, usually the parents/caregivers, prevents a child from becoming their own person independent of the family (this is called individuation or differentiation). Enmeshment leads to a low level of individuation/differentiation because the kid will suffer negative consequences if they try to do so. Which sucks, because we need to become our own person in order to truly love and be loved.

Belos requires Hunter to follow a strict script

and only operate within the confines of the role of Caleb (more accurately, how Philip wants Caleb to be...so, not the real Caleb, though Belos has told himself that's the true version of his brother).

Amity went through similar with Odalia and has been in the process of breaking out of it too. I notice Luz and Willow also get a bit close to experiencing it with their parents: Camila initially getting Luz to conform, Willow's dads initially not allowing her to be on the Plant Magic track. But I need to make the important distinction where I think Belos and Odalia (with Alador enabling Odalia's behaviour while also being abused by her) really crossed the line, because they don't even allow the kids under their care to express their thoughts. They flat out dismiss whatever isn't fitting into their agendas, whereas I can trust that Camila, Gilbert and Harvey, who wound up remorseful about their actions and changing, at least allow their kids to voice their opinions safely and they are the kind of caregiver that'll at least say e.g. "I understand that you want X, but ______".

In enmeshment, the toxic parental figure does not know (or refuses to know) the boundary line where their own being ends and the being of their kid begins: this can lead to issues such as a parentified kid who has to manage the parents' emotions for them. Very sadly, this can also be why when these kids are well into adulthood, they are still terrified of their parents and regress into the same child-like responses they had as kids in their toxic parents' presence.

In the show, I think the two visual concepts that most strongly convey the concept of enmeshment vs. trying to break away from it, are Hunter seeing Belos in the mirror and Belos taking control of his physical body:

Parental figures who are enmeshed with their child feel that their kid is them, has to be them, with the same desires, feelings, beliefs, perspectives...not a separate person. If not, the parental figure's own sense of security feels threatened. So if the child tries to create needed space or establish that boundary line by putting up resistance in any form, you get a tantrum/begging/manipulation/other toxic response from the parent (example: Hunter mentions wild magic in front of Belos and is physically threatened), which then aggravates the child's anxiety and wears down their mental health.

The parental figure takes up more space than they should have in the dynamic, while the kid is boxed in more and more. Obviously such treatment is hazardous and puts an awful strain on the person in the relationship who has less power.

Which brings us to Belos getting desperate enough to possess Hunter.

A.k.a. peak enmeshment, as Belos did not have any proper grip on his 'nephew' anymore, and turned things up to the max to exert control by literally inhabiting his physical being, giving him no choice but to do his bidding in the most forceful way possible:

Put simply, you aren't you when in the midst of enmeshment. The worse the enmeshment, the more imposing the control of the toxic parent/caregiver. And wow when I first saw this scene unfold before my eyes, I immediately thought of how powerfully this concept was being visually communicated via fiction. So unnerving. The crew and of course Zeno Robinson have been so good at bringing his enmeshment-related behaviour to life onscreen. E.g. the contrast below...Hunter cracking under the terror in the first few days of truly breaking out of enmeshment in the left-side frame below, versus the right-side showing his post-possession (very literally translated as post-enmeshment) grief which was so painful that simmering, volatile anger rose up in him to keep the pain at bay:

This gentle, kind-hearted kid never wanted this. The worst thing about going through that and resisting it by running away from the coven and the Isles, was that it culminated into losing his best friend.

His way out of the loneliness and isolation of enmeshment was finding his tribe and leaning into it for support and healthy closeness. There couldn't be stronger symbolism for the tension in Hunter's whole arc, between isolation (the abuse he suffered) vs. feeling like part of a family (a healthy "tribe") than this:

Wolves. Loving, nurturing pack animals. Who "make great parents". Yet we have the phrase "lone wolf" since wolves do occasionally navigate part of life on their own. Hunter is drawn to wolves because it strikes him right away, he sees himself (more accurately, the deepest desire of where he'd love to be) in the way such creatures usually live.

And the bonds in his pack became mighty. Hunter succeeded at building trust with the Hexsquad, getting nearer and nearer to the core of himself - while Belos didn't have a single trusting relationship with anyone and sunk lower and lower, getting further and further from himself as his self-deception only got worse. Hunter built up what can be referred to as "emotional equity" in his relationships, and he's so inspirational especially in the uncertain, risky early stages of doing this:

It's like repeatedly depositing into a bank account (both sides in a relationship need to do this, in a manner that both can agree on as fair) and building up the amount in said account with positive experiences and investing effort and time into the relationship. Various difficulties and conflicts that come along will take small or big chunks out of that bank balance. More serious incidents will obviously threaten to break the relationship apart and empty the account or send the balance into the negative. The bond between Hunter and his friends was strong enough to withstand the eventual traumatic loss that they all suffered:

In fact, he was already putting up a quiet resistance in Belos's absence (I'm relieved Belos didn't require that he be escorted on every single mission or be surveilled all the time in his own room, which would've granted him no privacy to express such thoughts), shortly after we saw him get unmasked:

Unfortunately, wrenching yourself free from the violating nature of enmeshment comes at a physical and emotional cost. It can no doubt be a long journey, an injurious experience, damaging one's sense of discernment of who to trust. It doesn't magically become bright and easy post-enmeshment because grief, confusion, emptiness etc are still present, just in different forms. Hopefully it is the intensity of all that which is reduced and well-managed.

The hope is that Hunter does not feel any impulse to want to over-isolate and hurt himself with concerning self-deprecating thoughts and engage in concerning behaviour (which could be a parallel to how he wanted to dig his own grave in Eclipse Lake), especially as he is still processing the moral injury of harming Flapjack and threatening the others while possessed.

#me talking about my darlin'. again.#toh analysis #toh hunter #possessed hunter #the owl house #philip wittebane #emperor belos #loz writes a meta #enmeshment trauma

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saintmeghanmarkle · 4 months

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Soho house deep dive - part 7, MM's early days at Soho house, Markus and MM - meetings with Weinstein, Soho house contacts - MM - listed as a 'notable friend' of Weinstein

Hi All,

As part of the 'Deep Dive' series - in part 7 we explore the links between MM, Weinstein and Soho house in greater depth...

MM - ever networking

As previously mentioned in my deep dive series, MM's links to Soho house date to at least 2010, at the (then) newly established Soho house in West Hollywood. At that stage, MM had been networking for roles for years, alongside her then partner, Trevor Engelson. People who knew them at the time noted that they were highly active 'networkers' - knowing that obtaining important connections was an important way to get breaks and roles. They were obscure and low ranking in comparison to the countless other wannabe producers and actors in Hollywood at the time, and obtaining access to the most elite circles, and people, was difficult to do.

The importance of Soho house, and Weinstein

Getting in to Soho house was a 'holy grail' for aspiring wannabes. Throughout the 2000's/2010's obtaining access to elite members clubs (such as Soho house) and speaking to the 'mega producers' of the time, the biggest of all being Miramax head, Harvey Weinstein, was seen as a 'golden ticket' that could launch a career. Even the biggest stars fawned over Weinstein like the pope, and one phrase was that 'success was in relation to an association with Harvey Weinstein'.

One documentary spoofed this phenomenon - 'Inflitr8 media' - where a group bluffed their way into Soho house, TIFF and met Harvey Weinstein.

Fawning over Weinstein

It should also be noted that while it is now known that Weinstein was a predator, there were still many people that would still fawn over Weinstein in exchange for roles, and there were also those ambitious actresses that would actively pursue Weinstein in exchange for roles, as well as associates, business partners, journalists and assistants that enabled Weinstein's behaviour.

The fawning and enablement of Weinstein was widespread for decades

Even after Weinstein was publicly accused, in 2019, there were models and actors/actresses that still fawned over Weinstein.

MM - networking to get roles - helped her land small roles

It is highly likely that as extremely ambitious networkers both Engelson and Markle would have gone to great lengths to meet a producer like Weinstein or set foot in Soho house.

MM had only been successful in obtaining a handful of roles since 2003, but had extensively networked including with (now notorious) producer Brett Ratner, and by 2009 had obtained small roles, such as the Beverly Hills carpark scene, as a delivery girl etc. Since becoming a 'briefcase girl' in Deal or No Deal in 2006, MM had attended Brett Ratner's parties several times per week, for years (detailed by Tom Bower in 'Revenge').

2010 - MM's early days with Soho house

Thanks to MM's ex-Ninaki Priddy, we have an early record of MM's involvement in Soho house in West Hollywood in 2010. There are photos from two different dates (indicated by both of them wearing different clothes).

Soho house West Hollywood - 2010 (1)

Because Soho house has a strict no cameras' policy - except for Soho house's own security cameras of course, and the photo booths - which MM and Ninaki Priddy can be seen in, in the West Hollywood Soho house, which opened in 2010.

How did MM get into Soho house?

What is interesting about the photograph of MM and Ninaki Priddy is that they were likely either both guests of two other members (members can invite one guest each). Or, importantly that MM was herself a Soho house member at this stage, and Ninaki was her guest. they also opened their first Soho house - photos show MM and Ninaki Priddy at the West Hollywood in 2010. MM is crowding Ninaki out of the frame in both events (classic narcissistic behavior).

Soho house West Hollywood (2) - 2010

A less likely scenario is that Ninaki was also a Soho member, this may be the case, but the ultra exclusive club for celebrities (albeit of different levels) was most likely to be accessed by Trevor and MM, due to their more direct film industry contacts.

Who sponsored Meghan to become a Soho house member?

What is interesting about this 2010 photo booth is that it indicates that by this time, it was possible that MM was a Soho house member.

Another possibility is that MM, worked at Soho house in LA, possibly as a waiter or hostess, and made enough connections to convince them to let her join.

It is possible that it was Trevor that sponsored MM to become a Soho house member. He was seen at Soho house in 2015. Trevor may have had industry contacts that allowed him to become one. Given Trevor's associations with the Anti-Defamation league (a Jewish association for preventing negative stereotypes about Jewish people), this gave him access to the high profile Soho house members, like Harvey Weinstein, who was able to sponsor others to be members. Getting to Soho house, and being able to speak to Weinstein was seen as a career 'golden ticket' at the time.

Another possibility is that MM had succeeded in meeting Harvey Weinstein himself, who was known to dangle (like a carrot) the offer sponsorship to be a Soho house member, in turn for shady/creepy 'favors' of course. The networking/career potential of Soho house was widely known in Hollywood, and allegedly, the creepy behaviour of Weinstein was widely known as well.

Soho house West Hollywood opening - March 2010

Soho house West Hollywood opened in March 2010. Longtime Soho house member and fan, Harvey Weinstein held numerous events at Soho house for the opening, which coincided with the awards season. Weinstein had a house in West Hollywood, so wasn't far away. Other high profile Soho house members such as Billionaire Ron Burkle, lived only a few minutes away from Soho house West Hollywood - Rob Burkle had been a member since 2002, and in 2012, became the majority owner of Soho house. Burkle was also listed in Epstein's 'black book', though it is not known in what capacity. Weinstein and Epstein also had close connections, and often 'worked together', where Weinstein would set aside small roles for models or actresses in exchange for 'favors'. Weinstein is also known to have offered membership to Soho house to aspiring models and actresses - like a bait - in exchange for 'favors'.

An extremely sinister trio - Weinstein, Epstein and Maxwell

Weinstein was known to be closely linked to other producers and directors, including Brett Ratner, who was also accused of SA by other actresses and models.

Late 2010 - MM's career starts to look up

By 24 August 2010, MM's career was looking up, she had successfully hooked a role in the pilot for 'Suits'. While pilots didn't always go anywhere, she was starting to get more roles.

MM and roles in the Weinstein company - 2011-2012

By 2011, MM had begun to be heavily involved in networking at Soho house, and by 2011, notably, she also got small roles in films owned by the Weinstein company (2011 - 'Horrible Bosses' and 2012 'Five Year Engagement'. These films were not well received, and the acting of MM was mediocre, but they were still roles. In my opinion, MM definitely had worked her way towards, and knew Weinstein by this point.

In my opinion, it is highly likely that MM went to some effort to meet Harvey Weinstein, befriend his wife and other associates, and that MM definitely met Harvey Weinstein, and it benefitted her career.

2011 - MM in Toronto - alongside Markus Anderson, attending events at Soho house such as TIFF

By 2011, MM - alongside her then husband Trevor, was photographed at an ADL event, with her arm around several high profile producers - including those such as Ryan Kavanagh, a business partner of both Ron Burkle and Harvey Weinstein.

MM and Ryan Kavanagh in 2011

Weinstein and Kavanagh had business ties - as with Ron Burkle

Weinstein had a major presence at Soho houses around the globe, and was a regular at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), where he held private movie screenings and other events at Soho house.

Markus Anderson was known as the 'queen bee' of TIFF, who organized events and 'connected people'.

Mysterious Markus- 'Queen Bee' of TIFF

In my personal opinion, he would have known Weinstein well, and as well as organizing events that Weinstein was involved in, appeared at the same parties as Weinstein, Ron Burkle etc. Nick Jones ('a friend from long before she met Harry'), who knows MM well, is also photographed alongside Weinstein.

2013 - Weinstein, Nick Jones at Toronto Soho house

Weinstein and Ron Burkle

2012, 2013 - MM, Soho house, Weinstein links

In 2012, MM was also photographed attending another Weinstein company event, as well as other events related to him, including TIFF. Notably, Trevor Engelson was not present at these events, with some reports that MM had separated from him as early as September 2012.

MM - at Weinstein Company Ball in early 2012

MM at the Producers Ball - in 2012

MM also worked her way into Weinstein's innermost circle, by befriending his wife. By 2013, and 2014, MM also appeared wearing 'Marchesa' the fashion brand designed by Weinstein's wife, Georgina Chapman, and funded by Weinstein, which was associated with 'Harvey' girls, those who had (allegedly) knowingly exchanged favors with Weinstein.

2013 - MM divorces Trevor - deepens friendship with Markus Anderson

When MM met Markus is not exactly certain, but a reasonable guess is that it was shortly before, or in her early days of being involved in Soho house. Markus filled the role that Trevor had previously provided - supplying her with contacts, but he was also known to set MM up on dates, as well as advise her on career friendly choices...

Markus Anderson - set MM up on dates (allegedly ;-) )

MM mysterious modelling roles

Interestingly, by 2013, while MM had struggled to find substantive roles outside of Suits - she had failed to obtain a role on the reality show 'Made in Chelsea' and 'Strictly Come Dancing', for instance, she was increasingly listed as a 'model', when photographed wearing Marchesa, despite being of a shorter stature than even the shortest commercial models (the cut off is usually 5.9"), whereas MM is estimated to be only 5.6".

MM - seen wearing Marchesa in early 2014 - at Georgina Chapman's fashion show

MM, Harvey Weinstein's inner circle, and associates. 2013 - 2014

MM also made her way into Weinstein's inner circle - and befriended Georgina Chapman - Harvey Weinstein's wife (at the time) in these years.

MM and Georgina Chapman - 2014

In posts on the Tig MM seems to be ingratiating herself towards Georgina Chapman, and is seen wearing Marchesa dress's around this time (Marchesa is Georgina Chapman's fashion brand).

Wearing Marchesa in 2013

Georgina Chapman brand Marchesa -

In early 2014, MM appeared in New York in a Marchesa fashion show, and attended Georgina Chapman's fashion show in New York, as well as including photobooth (presumably Soho house) photographs of her and Georgina Chapman on 'the Tig'.

She was also photographed on the side of a couch, wearing Marchesa, at the New York fashion shoot.

MM - wearing Marchesa - in early 2014 - at Georgina Chapman's fashion show

The Soho house Grey Goose Vodka party - Weinstein's 'notable friend'

In September 2014, Weinstein was the guest of honor at the 'Grey Goose Vodka' party at Soho house in Toronto - most of the photographs are hidden behind a members only screen. The event celebrated the release of the 'Imitation Game' - the Weinstein company film. Weinstein as listed as attending, along with 'Notable Friends' - including... Meghan Markle, from Suits.

In 2014 - Soho house Toronto hosted Weinstein as the 'guest of honor' - alongside his 'notable friends'

2014 - Toronto Soho house 'guest of honor' - Weinstein and notable friend - Markle

After the trial

In later years, after Weinstein was arrested and trailed by 2018, it was no longer fashionable to be associated with Harvey Weinstein.

In my opinion, given that MM most likely would have known Weinstein, given the fact that she went to his events at Soho house, befriended his wife, was in his movies, it seems very odd that MM didn't have more to say, as a 'feminist activist', who accepted awards from Gloria Steinem...

That said, a few strange little links happened after this date...

One was that only a year later, in 2019, eyebrows were raised when MM used Harvey Weinstein's defense team, after it became publicly alleged that she had bullied multiple staff members. Who advised her to make such a choice is unknown, although it is known that Markus Anderson has an ongoing role in advising her on some of her hiring choices.

In 2021 a strange, nasty little article appeared, perhaps nothing, but it was rather snarky, and related to a Private Eye that had met with Pulitzer prize winning journalist - Rowan Farrow, (who blew the lid on the Weinstein scandal). The private eye had been trailing Meghan Markle as well.

In my opinion, MM would definitely have known Weinstein, and met him, but in exactly what context remains a mystery...

Rowan Farrow met with a Private Eye that also trailed MM.

What the Private Investigator and Rowan Farrow talked about is uncertain, although they appeared to be having a laugh!

post link

author: narcwatchkiwi

submitted: submitted: January 08, 2024 at 07:21AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

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hopefuloverfury · 7 months

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What the Bachelor/ettes Would Dress Up as for Halloween

Here’s a short one for today. Happy Halloween, everyone!

No cut because it's relatively short. Mentions of fake blood. Enjoy <3

Sam

Used a werewolf costume but is supposed to be the Big Bad Wolf

Probably cut up one of his flannels for the costume

Jodi is very upset about that, it was a nice flannel!

Has a full wolf mask that opens when he talks

Vincent screamed bloody murder when Sam came out of his bedroom

Apparently Sam was unaware that Vincent has a phobia of werewolves

The More You Know™

He felt a little bit bad about that, but thankfully was able to calm down his little brother eventually

Seb

A wizard Rasmodius is amused

Probably was going to wear it for a cosplay to comic-con years ago but ended up not being able to go

He’s got a full gray beard, with long billowing robes and everything

Probably has a scepter that he made himself out of paper mache and clay

Definitely wears a wizard hat, too

But the robes are so long that he almost lands on his face multiple times throughout the night

Eventually he resorts to holding up the ends of his robes like a princess

Abigail and Sam cannot stop laughing

Alex

Dressed up as Ken

Didn’t want to bleach his hair blonde, but the spirit is there!

Probably has a pink neck tie and a pink button up polo

Takes his role very seriously

Probably learned the choreo for “I’m Just Ken”

Also got Dusty a glittery pink collar for the occasion

Calls literally every woman in town “Barbie” for the whole night

George is weird about it, but Evelyn is having a blast lmao

Elliott

Dressed up as Mark Twain

He carries around a fake raven skull for the bit

Waxes poetic about death and mortality

Probably quotes a few of Twain’s books but only the very obscure bits that only another “Twain connoisseur” would recognize

Leah tries to comfort him as best she can when no one recognizes him

Even though no one recognizes her either

Shane

A mummy

Wrapped himself in toilet paper and called it a day lmfao

Jas makes a stink about not matching with him though

She has a gorgeous fairy dress and was going to wear her bunny-jewel slippers

Marnie was going to put glitter in her hair and everything

But nope

Uncle Shane was going as a mummy, and so she wanted to be a mummy

It’s the cutest thing in the world

Shane is cheesing the whole night, and the rest of the town is terribly endeared by the two of them

Marnie doesn’t even mind the money spent on Jas’ original costume

They look too happy to be upset about it, anyway

Harvey

Dressed up as a homicidal/mad doctor

He’s not terribly creative, and he’s already got all of the costume pieces anyway

Everyone asks him why he didn’t dress up

He is very perturbed by that

Of course he dressed up! Don’t you see the fake blood on his coat?

What about the wild hair and the dark circles??

No? Seriously?

Maru

A robot!

Goes all-the-fuck-out

Has fully functioning extra limbs, probably a voice manipulator as well

Spent months on her physical costume, and Penny helped her with the make-up on the day of

Bought colored contacts that make her eyes look mechanical

Probably also built a candy dispenser into the suit so when Jas and Vincent run around getting candy from all of the villagers, she just presses a button on her wrist band and her stomach opens up to reveal a bowl of candy

The kids love her

Penny

She dressed up as Red Riding Hood, but with a twist!

She’s also a wolf!

Her and Sam are doing a duo costume

So she’s got the little dress and the hood, but the edges are tattered and she’s got insane costume makeup on

No wolf mask for her, unfortunately, but the effort she put into every other aspect of it makes up for it

Is horrified to find that Vincent is terrified of her

She probably feels bad about it for a few weeks after that and vows never to touch a wolf costume ever again

Abigail

Abigail dressed up as a skeleton

Got a few black clothes and drew an anatomically correct skeleton on them with bleach and paintbrushes

It’s wildly impressive

The sweatshirt she used will 100% be worn again, even when it isn’t Halloween

Got a face paint palette and made her face look like an actual skull

Probably pinned her hair back under a black wig cap or something to keep it cohesive

When she shows up for the festival, no one actually knows it’s her because she’s covered head-to-toe

Also has full-eye contacts that make her scleras black

Confuses the hell out of the skeletons Marlon has in those old cages, also confuses Marlon for like half a second before he realizes that it’s a costume

Haley

Barbie. Obviously.

Her and Alex are also doing a duo costume!

Has her hair in a high ponytail

Everything is glittery, sparkly, and pink, pink, pink

Did her nails even pinker and sparklier

Probably has a little purse with a stuffed chihuahua in it

Abandons that idea when she sees Dusty, though

He looks so handsome with his pink collar, you know?

She posts pictures of their costumes on her socials after the night is over

Leah

Dressed up as Leonardo Da Vinci

Everyone thinks she’s just some old French Noble or something

Which breaks her heart

And not just because Leonardo was Italian

Oh, except for Haley!

Haley knows who she is right off the bat, and compliments her costume very genuinely

Leah feels a little better after that, until she has to run away and comfort Elliott

“I’ve got a raven skull and everything!” / “I know, I know.”

Someone save her lmfao

Emily

Made her whole costume from scratch

She’s a strawberry fairy!

She makes a gorgeous pink tulle dress with embroidered strawberries and fairy wings sewn to the back of it

And she made a headband with some poseable wiring and green cloth to look like strawberry leaves

Her shoes are some chunky pink mary jane “flats”

Also probably made strawberry charms to clip onto the straps

Has a basket full of strawberry candies that she passes out to everyone

Haley helped her do her makeup, and she’s got painted freckles on her cheeks to look like seeds

Altogether she’s the cutest fucking thing anyone has ever seen

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moonlitmeeks · 1 year

Note

BEE!!! I’m here again with another one; let’s make a little Snowball!! Maybe for midnight baking with Rory Gilmore?

Thanks in advance, and I hope you’re doing well!! 🖤🖤🖤

rory gilmore my angel girl<3 thanks so so much for this request my lovely,, hope you like it!! i just took this as romantic,, so i hope that's okay!!<3

✩࿐midnight baking with rory gilmore (headcanons)

warnings: food mentions

though it was way too late to be giggling like you are, you and rory both know lorelai wouldn't really care

not when you'd have a whole batch of baked goods to present as an apology, anyway

it was around eleven pm when rory had the genius suggestion that you two should bake, in order to satiate both of your sweet cravings

how could you say no to a grin as pretty as hers?

the consequences of her idea?

a slightly messy kitchen and even messier hands and flour stained clothes.

rory's hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, and you moved to push her bangs out of her face now and then

after much discussion, the two of you had settled on cookies, something fairly simple that would be impossible to mess up

whilst rory measured out the ingredients, you settled for passing her each ingredient she'd need

you worked comfortably as a pair, wordlessly following the recipe and taking over different roles

as you worked to mix the ingredients together to form a dough that you could actually work with, rory disappeared into her room, returning with her cd player tucked under her arm

"rory, it's midnight!" "i'll turn it down, i swear!"

you shape the cookies to the soundtrack of one of rory's pj harvey cds, playfully singing to one another as you go

when you took a second to admire her, your heart skipped a beat

the whole scene was so domestic

rory in her pyjamas, her ponytail barely even holding her hair back from her face, baking with flushed cheeks and a content smile

she pulled you out of your trance by attempting to wipe some dough on your cheek

thanks to the consistency, instead of smearing like she had intended, it just fell to the ground as a smattering of crumbs

you laughed at her efforts, protesting with a soft 'hey!' that both of you knew held no malice

when the cookies were in the oven, you took the chance to just enjoy each other's company

talk, dance, press some soft kisses to each other's skin

sleep was beginning to take its hold when the cookies had finally finished cooking.

rory began to move your creations from the baking tray to a large plate, leaving two aside for you to enjoy right away.

still warm cookies in hand, you and rory retreated to the living room sofa, sleepily eating and curling in to each other

lorelai wasn't incredibly pleased with the mountain of washing up she discovered upon waking, but the offering of cookies definitely took her mind off of it.

#🌨️ ; bee’s 1.5k winter wonderland!#raven<3 #rory gilmore #rory gilmore x reader #rory gilmore x you #rory gilmore x y/n #rory gilmore imagine #rory gilmore fluff #rory gilmore headcanons #gilmore girls #gilmore girls x you #gilmore girls x reader

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autisticarchive · 4 months

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Setting the Record Straight on Neurodiversity, 2nd Edition

Last summer, I wrote a blog post that went into detail on the origins of the term and concept of neurodiversity. Since then, more info has been uncovered that dates said blog post so an updated version is in order.

Here’s the truth, put quite simply-Judy Singer did not coin neurodiversity and most certainly did not originate the idea or concept. This was never true, it just became accepted as truth as time went on. Singer hasn't been able to keep her story straight, and it's because of her ego. This is the kind of ego that the world of academia breeds. It gives people the need to claim ownership over words and concepts, even if it was developed within the community. It allows for individuals with institutional power to hold the cards against people without said power or privilege in progressive movements. This isn’t to say everyone who participates in academia is guilty of this, just that academia creates these people by its very design.

Neurological diversity was used as early as October of 1996 on Martijn Dekker’s InLv (Independent Living on the Autism Spectrum) email list. It was a private list, only accessible to those who participated in it. With permission, he published an email from Tony Langdon where he not only name drops neurological diversity but describes it in the exact way it’s usually defined.

“I'm becoming more sure that what allows the human

race to progress socially and technologically is the neurological

diversity of people. I.e., the atypical among a society provide the

different perspectives needed to generate new ideas and advances,

whether they be technological, cultural, artistic or otherwise.”

It was also used in an email from Phil Schwarz dated 1997, an entire year before Singer’s thesis, on a public email list.

“The more we widen societal horizons regarding _neurological_ diversity,

alongside diversity of race, ethnicity, religion, culture, etc., the

easier it will be for folks on the spectrum to integrate into, and

contribute to, the society at large, to whatever degree their skills

and talents render them capable. The more there will be a place and

a role of value in the society at large.”

There are more emails from even further back on this email list that don’t outright namedrop neurodiversity, but do use the same basic phrasing short of exact wording such as this one from Stephen Drake. Even then, the concept of neurodiversity isn’t very original as it is very derivative of the pre-existing Disability Rights Movement, which was pushing for the same thing. The neurodiversity movement has had a focus on brain-based disabilities since the mainstream Disability Rights Movement often focuses more on physical disabilities.

Harvey Blume (may his memory be a blessing) published two articles on neurodiversity in the late 90s. One that uses “neurological pluralism”, which is basically a synonym, and then another that does use neurodiversity. This was published before Singer’s thesis, though it was something he wrote based on his discussions with her. The older article looks to have been published independently of said discussions, though. Journalists like Blume play a significant role in the popularization of terms, and he published for Atlantic and NYT, two high profile publications. Therefore, it suffices to say he did a lot to help bring the term and idea into the public eye.

There were some claims in the 2000s that Larry Arnold was the one to coin neurodiversity, though Larry himself disputed this. It’s likely that because he mentioned neurodiversity in his old website that there was a simple misattribution given to him.

What really put neurodiversity on the map, at least within autistic spaces, was the aforementioned article that Jane Meyerding wrote. Personal accounts relay that this article was a huge deal and sparked many conversations among autistics and cousins about their own lived experiences. Jane does not take credit for the term, but it is worth noting that this was widely shared and had the term in it. Judy’s thesis didn’t get much attention until it was mentioned in another one of her writings published in Disability Discourse, but written before that called "Why Can't You Be Normal for Once in Your Life?". Disability Discourse is cited pretty heavily and mentions the 1998 thesis. A lot of people also seem to get the idea that Judy coined neurodiversity from Steve Silberman’s NeuroTribes, a NYT Best-seller published in 2015. Re-reading the chapter that talks about this, “In Autistic Space”, Silberman talks about the neurodiversity movement’s origins on the whole, including the stuff from ANI and even mentions Jane’s essay. It does mention Judy coined neurodiversity, though Silberman may not have had the intel that its usage predates hers. Many other people didn’t either so Steve isn’t necessarily at fault for this. Steve gave a mostly accurate depiction of neurdoversity’s origins otherwise, so it may just be that people took a snippet from that and repeated it until it became accepted as the definitive truth.

Neurodiversity is many things. One thing it is not is something that belongs to a single person. Like with any idea, it’s a constant work in progress. Many different people have defined it in different ways and there really wasn’t a single person who coined the term or conceived the idea. It was something collectively devised by a tight-knit community in the late 80s and early 90s. Two or more people are indeed capable of devising the same or similar words to describe the same phenomena independent of one another. The sheer chance that we all happen to live on the same planet in a universe full of them, a planet that happens to be able to support living beings at that, is small enough that the possibility of many separate people coming to the same single conclusion is more likely than not. The most accurate thing to say about neurodiversity’s origins is that it emerged as a concept and a term in the 1990s within communities of autistics and cousins on the internet whose work was influenced by the Disability Rights Movement.

For more perspectives on this, check out a live discussion on this featuring neurodiversity movement veterans from July.

#neurodiversity #history #actuallyautistic #autism #disability

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electromignion · 11 months

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Young Jeremy Bradshaw fanart! (Bridgewater my beloved)

“Dad? Can you hear me? Are you out there?”

Here’s my latest Bridgewater fanart! I wanted to explore more young!Jeremy Bradshaw; especially as in S2 he mentioned having been tried Wicca when he was younger; so it struck me directly — what if he tried witchcraft overall? And my mind unraveled to that point to now 👌

If you want more explanation about the fanart and my headcanons about Jeremy you can click on read more (because again details are detailing way too much)✌️

So let’s first start with young Jeremy, as he admitted to believe, I wanted to show how he tried to explore all the possibilities and I totally see him as a little bit of a rebellious teen as he is still in denial and as he is aching for the come back of Thomas. That’s why he tries to contact him with the pendulum, he wants to believe.

And I thought how Jeremy would express himself in this situation? That’s why I gave him black nail polish, an earring, and you can’t see it much but he has some black eyeshadow, to me it was his way to express himself.

As a way to express himself too, on the picture framed on the left in the red frame, it’s him as a teen with his mother and his step-dad, as I heard in S1 EP01 that Jeremy’s mother said dad to talk about the guy and Jeremy corrected her, I thought about that grudge must have been lasting for a huge while, so that’s why he put a post it and crossed it as well, because he has always refused to replace Thomas in a way, and he looks quite uncomfy on the picture too.

However, another picture is framed: baby Jeremy with Thomas Bradshaw and this one is fully visible. It’s probably one of his only picture with his dad so he cherished it a lot. (My headcanon is that Jeremy had the film camera and took a picture by accident as he was excited to see the camera, and when they developed it they kept the picture as it was too adorable, and I love Jeremy with his one little tooth 🥺🥹)

He also cherishes the letter his dad has written to him for his fifth birthday, so just before his disappearance. As I don’t know if you will be able to read my handwriting here is my transcript:

“Dear Jeremy, Son, l know I promised to be here today, but *scribbled words which are “you know”* work is work sometimes. I’m sorry. You will probably understand later. You have plenty of birthdays to come, so I promise I’ll make it up to you. Take care of your mom ok? Happy 5th birthday, proud of you, x Dad”

Which makes it even more hurtful because he never got to celebrate another birthday with his son. (Yes I suffer, you suffer with me /lh)

For the context of this fanart, I thought it would be in the year 1995, so Jeremy would be 20 years old and it would match. So I then looked for Gameboy games which were out in North America before 1995 because I really like to be accurate, and I put Batman first because it’s a nod to Misha Collins’ role in Gotham Knights as he plays Harvey Dent! (Btw as an other Misha nod, I did the bed blanket pink for the famous pic of Misha with his pink blankie but that’s really anecdotal but that’s what I enjoy). I really wanted Jeremy to have Pokemon Red/Blue but unfortunately, it was out in Japan in 96’ and then 98’ in NA/EUR and import at the time was so-so, but as he likes myths and folklore he would love to catch pocket monsters for sure. (Maybe a next time??)

I put another paper taped to the wall which is just the Bridgewater triangle with the locations of each angles of it, I like to think that Jeremy was trying to find more information on it, that was his way to have a visual reminder of it all.

When it comes to the X-Files… because his t-shirt is some accurate 90s vintage t-shirt X-Files merch with “the truth is out there” written on it (I like details way too much), I think it is time to explain why TXF is so present in my full Bridgewater fanarts (the Big Blue mug reference to Quagmire 3x22 of txf, or even the I Want To Believe poster which is present usually in Mulder’s office ) not only the show is really important to me, but I really found the vibes of it in Bridgewater, and then it struck me, Jeremy had been Scully coded in the beginning of the S1 to then go to a sort of epiphany realising that things might end up real. But I truly don’t think that it stops here, because to me — we come to the headcanons — Jeremy has watched the X-Files as it aired. It started in 1993, he had 17 years old, he was not feeling good, he wanted to believe, who wanted to believe as well? Fox Mulder.

And it’s easy to draw the parallels: Jeremy has lost his father nobody cares anymore and he is only aching as he had been hoping for him to come back, his father disappeared in strange circonstances in the Bridgewater Triangle. Mulder has lost his little sister, Samantha, whom he was persuaded as a kid to have seen getting abducted by aliens, and everybody has lost hope on finding her, it’s easy to assume that Jeremy saw himself in a way in Mulder. Their seek for the truth is important but even when his belief starts to crumble I think he is still attached to the show and starts to find himself in the character of Scully, scientific and down to earth before anything else because it hurts less, and it’s his trauma response. But I think he ends up with the IWTB poster in his house as an adult as no matter what, he still wants to believe into the hope of finding Thomas again although he doesn’t believe it anymore.

For the witchcraft part he also has a tigers eye stone bracelet because it’s supposed to have strong properties of protection, and the pendulum is in amethyst as it’s supposed to bring soothing energy and good vibes — which might be useful to get contact with Thomas.

Then we come to my favourite fanart “plotwist” which I’m super proud of: the incense behind him as it’s burning is spelling “Jeremy?” which is a supposition that his contact with Thomas was indeed working — the veil hum hum cough cough — however he could not see it so not believe it, whereas ironically, the cone incense in front of him was burning normally, so this “séance” not working might have crumbled his beliefs into the supernatural too which put them into more into the rank of myths instead of real tangible possible things (and we can see his interests into myths and folklore already as the three books he has on his shelves are about it!)

As a ref of young!Jeremy Bradshaw I took refs on pics of Misha in his twenties 😭✌️

I hope you enjoyed my fanart (it took me roughly 13 hours this time) and my little explanation and thank you for reading it all! Lots of love 🫶

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destinyc1020 · 1 year

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That Matthew Lawrence story is one of the reasons that Tom's story about going to meet Mark Wahlberg at his mansion and then thinking that the massager that Mark gave him was a sex toy and that he was propositioning him is disturbing. Tom went to the meeting alone not thinking of bringing a buddy along to protect himself. Many of the abusers in Hollywood take advantage of finding themselves alone with a potential victim and Tom should protect himself by not going alone to this kind of meeting. That's one of the roles that Darnell (and previously her Dad) play for Z, ensuring that she's never alone with a powerful person in the industry

While I definitely don't think Tom had anything to worry about with Mark Wahlberg, just the very fact that Tom was joking about that incident already tells me that he knows a lot of what might go on behind the scenes in Hollywood. People aren't stupid, and I'm sure there are quite a few actors (female AND male) who have either been propositioned themselves, or know of someone (maybe even a close friend) who has been the victim of this type of shady behavior in this industry before.

This might also be the reason why TZ don't tend to frequent a lot of wild Hollywood parties. Some fans always wonder why TZ (or just celebrities in general) go a lot of places with their bodyguards or assistants.... Well, in addition to their fame level and crazy fans being a reason, I'm pretty sure a body guard or assistant is also helpful in situations like these if someone in power wants them to "meet" them somewhere and try something shady.

I know some fans complain about them always being w/their assistants or bodyguards, but I actually LIKE the fact that they have people close to them who can protect them. Darnell is doing his job, and it's good that Z has him around all the time imo. Too many young women can be taken advantage of in this industry.

Some of the things I've heard and seen regarding the industry can be horrifying. 🥴

I've seen documentaries like:

Untouchable

An Open Secret

Pretty Baby (Brooke Shields)

Filthy Rich (Jeffrey Epstein)

Not to mention, hearing the countless stories of women being abused, approached, propositioned, raped, even drugged by powerful men like Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, etc. to engage in a quid pro quo type relationship.

It's sickening that so many men in the industry abuse their power like this and attempt to take advantage of people. 🤮😡

I wish more men in Hollywood like Matt would come out about this, because I KNOW it happens more often than we realize. 😔 I just think a LOT are afraid of either getting blacklisted, laughed at, ridiculed, or even dropped by their agency (as in Matt's case). 😔

#TW: abuse #TW: me too

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my-name-is-siduri · 10 months

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The Search for Pet Shop Boys: The Musical

Image source.

Yep, I'm back at it again with an essay about an obscure Pet Shop Boys topic. For those that are just skimming through, here's a quick summary: Closer to Heaven (not to be confused with the song of the same name) is a musical created by the Pet Shop Boys in collaboration with Johnathan Harvey. While the cast recording album is easily available online, a complete video recording of the musical has never been released. Despite this, a few officially recorded segments as well as amateur recordings have surfaced over the years.

tl;dr I have created a Youtube playlist that contains every publicly available recording of the Closer to Heaven musical that I could find.

Want to know more? Read on.

While I could go into depth about the history, making of, plot, and critical reception of the musical, it's already been done by others on the internet who went into far more detail than I ever could. If you want that info, I would highly recommend reading Wayne's page about the musical as well as its Wikipedia article. Both of these pages helped me a lot in my research.

(As a side note, I attempted to contact the Closer to Heaven fan club linked on Wayne's page. I received an email back from the server saying that it's not longer in use. No fan club membership for me...)

And so began my search for a shred of footage from this musical. Youtube was my first pick...and I was pleasantly surprised to find that there are indeed a few clips that have been uploaded! There were enough clips that it was possible to compile them into a playlist!

What Has Been Found So Far:

The first nine minutes and fifty-six seconds of the musical, My Night (2001)

Closer to Heaven (2010)

Shameless (2010)

Friendly Fire, including a few of the lines leading in (2001)

Closer to Heaven reprise 1, does NOT include the lines leading in (2001)

The last four minutes and thirty seconds of the musical, note that all the clips available are of the Positive Role Model ending and not the Vocal ending (2001, 2010, 2015)

miscellaneous clips that I haven't been able to identify with certainty (2001, 2019)

For good measure, I also checked Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, Dailymotion, Vimeo, and Archive.org. Nothing came up on any of those sites. Granted, the effectiveness of these websites' search features wildly vary, so it's not impossible that there's something there, but buried.

I did find quite a few photos on Twitter of both the 2015 and 2019 productions. Enough, in fact, that I decided to start a Pinterest board to curate them and others. After some digging around online, I even managed to find a few pictures from earlier productions. So there's that as well.

So where does this search go from here? There's a few possible leads:

Amateur Recordings

I'm pretty sure this is the extent of this branch of the search. If any more video exists, it's way too buried for me to find. Really, the only way any progress could be made in this direction is if someone suddenly uploaded more footage one day (which does happen, but is hardly guaranteed).

2001 Official Recording

Small amounts of footage of the original 2001 production of Closer to Heaven has shown up in news coverage of the time and A Life in Pop. If I'm remembering correctly, a few sources from the time mentioned that Neil and Chris had wanted to do a home release of the musical at some point. Why that never happened, who knows. What happened to that footage, and if it still exists, is also not known.

I have to be honest, I'm not going to even try to pursue this route. It feels like the only way this will ever surface is if someone suddenly gave it to go ahead for it to be released. Not impossible, but I'm not holding my breath.

2019 Official Recording

Looking back at the 2019 production trailer, you might notice that it's a montage of several scenes in the musical. Now this is a complete guess, but it really feels like there's more footage than just what's seen in the trailer...perhaps even the entire musical?

Above The Stag, the company that ran the 2019 production, does have a contact email available on their website. I've heard from others who attempted this search in the past that contacting them has been fruitless. Still, I wanted to cover my bases. I sent a simple email asking if they recorded the rest of the musical and, if so, is it available for viewing anywhere. I'll provide an update if I ever get a reply.

Other Official Recordings?

If there were official recordings of any of the other productions, I found no evidence of them in my search. But if they do exist, they're probably even harder to find than these two.

Conclusion

I'm not the first person to search for a recording of Closer to Heaven, and I probably won't be the last. I'm not really sure if this is more progress than others have made before, or if this is just retreading old ground. In any case, I hope that making these compilations helps someone out.

And of course, I'd like to make a call here. If you have any recordings of Closer to Heaven, PLEASE make them publicly available and let us all know!

Thanks for reading, everyone!

#Closer to Heaven #Closer to Heaven musical #Pet Shop Boys #Neil Tennant #Chris Lowe #lost media #musical #music #Sid does writing #Sid posts

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beautifulgiants · 8 months

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Josh Hartnett: 'People genuinely thought I'd been thrust on them'

Ryan Gilbey

Twenty years ago he was one of the world’s hottest young actors, before he retreated – and ended up in Surrey. He explains why he had to leave Hollywood – and what he knew about Harvey Weinstein

Fri 23 Oct 2020 06.00 BST

Source :

Josh Hartnett is sitting at home in Surrey, thinking about the time he was asked to play Superman. “I had this idea that because he lives in this world where he can’t touch anything without it flying across the room, he has become almost afraid of himself and his own power. He doesn’t know how to be Superman any more. He’s so afraid, he has become almost neutered by the experience of living on Earth, where he can blow things up just by looking at them.”

The studio demurred – “They didn’t really want a fear-based character at the centre of their movie,” he says wryly – and Hartnett walked away. But his Superman concept now feels like a metaphor for what was happening at the time in his own life, as he became increasingly overwhelmed, even horrified, by his status and the hysteria that surrounded it. Twenty years ago, the hottest young male actors in Hollywood were Leonardo DiCaprio, Will Smith, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck – and Hartnett. Michael Bay, who directed him in Pearl Harbor, put it bluntly: “He’s going to be fucking huge.” The actor grimaces at the mention of that. “Huge was never something I aspired to,” he says.

Back then, he seemed like a pretty kid who had got in over his head. Now 42, he has acquired the squinting, quizzical handsomeness of Richard Gere. He and his wife, the British actor Tamsin Egerton, moved to Surrey with their two young children to be closer to her parents, he explains. “And then, of course, coronavirus ...” In other words, they’re not going anywhere. So he has time to talk and a new film to talk about: the factually based thriller Target Number One, which is better than any of its plucked-from-a-hat titles (it has also been known as Gut Instinct and Most Wanted) might suggest.

This is partly due to the dazzling Antoine Olivier Pilon, star of Xavier Dolan’s psychodrama Mommy. He plays a real-life petty drug dealer who was sentenced to life in a Thai jail after being set up by Canadian police. Hartnett is solid in the less showy, meat-and-potatoes role of the journalist Victor Malarek, who fought to expose the truth. In this capacity, he gets to perform the time-honoured All the President’s Men routine of storming into his editor’s office, tossing a newspaper on the desk and demanding to know where the hell his story is.

Hartnett does his homework. On The Virgin Suicides, it wasn’t enough to play what the director Sofia Coppola had written; he also raked over his character, a dreamy high-school stud, with Jeffrey Eugenides, who wrote the original novel. On Brian De Palma’s film noir The Black Dahlia, Hartnett trained as a boxer for several months, simply because his character, a cop, used to be one. Naturally he met with the real Malarek before playing him. Why? “I wanted to see if he was full of shit.”

Malarek, he explains, has been accused by his critics of putting himself at the forefront of his own stories. “Ultimately, Victor is a humble man, but he does think of himself as someone who stands up for people in vulnerable positions. He likes to insert himself into a situation, though in my opinion what he’s really doing is putting himself in the line of fire. In a way, he almost downplays his own contribution.” Malarek has said that he had no idea who Hartnett was. As someone who has spent the last 15 years or so running from fame, this must have pleased him. “I didn’t assume he’d know me,” he says. “My interest in going to meet him was not to have flowers laid at my feet.” So he didn’t take along a signed Pearl Harbor poster? “I should have done. That would have been a great introduction. ‘Hi, I used to be somebody …’”

Quite. At the end of the 90s, Hartnett was everywhere. He starred in back-to-back horror hits – the aliens-in-high-school romp The Faculty and the sequel-cum-reboot Halloween H20 – and resembled a walking shampoo commercial in The Virgin Suicides, where he sashayed in slow-motion to the sound of Magic Man by Heart.

“It’s a little bit heartbreaking to see all that time has passed,” he says. “I was a child. I was 19. The Virgin Suicides felt like a group of friends all pulling together. I think I’m still looking for that experience whenever I make a film.”

The Faculty and Halloween H20 were produced by Dimension, the horror arm of Miramax, making Hartnett part of the Weinstein brothers’ stable of talent. “I was a kid who they felt they should invest in, but I didn’t spend a ton of time with them,” he says. “We had a sort of antagonistic relationship because the contract I signed for those first two films guaranteed me to be a part of, like, five more or something. They’re called contract extensions. I was told at the time that nobody ever uses them, but then I guess I became popular and they decided to, um, exercise that right. What they did a few times was to jump on other projects I was working on already and become co-producers.” These included O a modern-day Othello with Hartnett impressively coiled as the Iago figure, and the comic thriller Lucky Number Slevin, in which he seemed to be poking fun at his own image by spending the first half-hour scampering around in nothing but a towel.

He shifts uneasily when I ask whether he was surprised by the revelations about Harvey Weinstein. “There are all sorts of rumours about guys like that which permeate the business and you think, ‘That’s awful.’ The casting couch was a thing people joked about when I was first in the industry, so it was an open secret that this business is a little bit fucked up.”

When he was offered Pearl Harbor, his instinct was to turn it down. “I didn’t necessarily want things to change that much,” he says. “I was happy with the amount of fame I had and the types of roles I was getting. At the same time, I asked myself: ‘Am I just afraid that by doing Pearl Harbor, I’m going to enter a new category of film-making that I might not be ready for?’ I ultimately chose to do it because turning it down would’ve been based on fear. Then it defined me, which means I was right to fear it.”

His co-stars didn’t have it easy either. Kate Beckinsale was told to work out (“I just didn’t understand why a 1940s nurse would do that,” she said) while Affleck was ordered to get new teeth. “Well, they are great teeth,” Hartnett says. “I was asked to work out, too. But you know, I could have used it. I was 165lb wet. I was a really skinny kid.”

As well as his own misgivings about the project, there was the heightened press attention, including a splashy Vanity Fair interview with him from the set of Ridley Scott’s Black Hawk Down. “Oh, that was an awful piece,” he shudders. “Was there even a quote from me in it, or was it just everyone talking about how hot I was? People got a chip on their shoulder about me after that. They genuinely thought I’d been thrust on them. It was a very weird time.”

It was around then that he plotted his calculated retreat. After Superman, there were reports that he had also turned down Batman; in fact, he didn’t get any closer to that part than a conversation with Christopher Nolan. But the perception of him in Hollywood began to change. “They looked at me as someone who had bitten the hand that fed me. It wasn’t that. I wasn’t doing it to be recalcitrant or a rebel. People wanted to create a brand around me that was going to be accessible and well-liked, but I didn’t respond to the idea of playing the same character over and over, so I branched out. I tried to find smaller films I could be part of and, in the process, I burned my bridges at the studios because I wasn’t participating. Our goals weren’t the same.”

He has put his movies where his mouth is, working with idiosyncratic directors such as Tran Anh Hung on the thriller I Come With the Rain and Atsuko Hirayanagi on the comedy Oh, Lucy. Nor is he averse to the mainstream: he will next be seen alongside Jason Statham in Guy Ritchie’s Wrath of Man. But it’s a measure of how unusual it is for a star to withdraw so early in his career that by the time Hartnett made The Black Dahlia in 2006, GQ magazine was already referring to it as his comeback.

“I’m happy to be done with that era and to be making films that are more personal to me,” he says. “Directors are coming to me to play characters as opposed to versions of a hero I played in a movie once.”

He is nothing if not conscientious. A few days after our Zoom conversation, he phones me because something has been bothering him: he doesn’t feel he made his feelings about Weinstein clear. This time, he puts it as plainly as he can. “I wasn’t surprised he was a creep,” he says. “But I guess I was surprised at the extent of his creepiness.” He’s concerned, too, about what comes next. “The shameless seem to be finding it easy to make a comeback. Louis CK has been pretty shameless. Harvey Weinstein, if he had the tiniest bit of daylight in there, would find a way to get back in. Those are situations that freak me out.” But there are, he says, visible changes taking place. “Different things are expected of the way people act on set. There’s an open line of communication now for anyone who feels they’re being harassed. And there’s less of the so-called locker-room humour that people used to hide behind.”

Was he ever harassed as a young actor? “The last thing I want to do is come across like … You know, I’ve been in situations where I’ve been uncomfortable with my boss’s behaviour but I’m not gonna say …” He changes tack. “That’s not my experience and it’s not my place to claim that. It makes me feel icky to try to do so.”

He also tells me that he went back to that Vanity Fair article and realised it wasn’t so bad after all. “It’s just that it happened at a time when I wasn’t that famous, and it seemed to already be asking whether I should be or not. I felt like: ‘Oh my God! I’m not the tallest poppy yet – don’t cut me down!’ I was being compared to Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts and that’s insane. It was a set-up-to-fail moment.” He gives a sigh. “It was actually an interesting look at the nature of fame. If only it wasn’t about me.”

#josh hartnett #beautiful giant #the guardian #interview #quotes #the virgin suicides #the black dahlia #lucky number slevin #black hawk down #pearl harbor #Othello #the faculty #halloween h20 #wrath of man #oh Lucy #i come with the rain #penny dreadful #target number one #superman

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sloshed-cinema · 1 year

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Tár (2022)

If Mahler stated that a symphony should be the world, then Lydia Tár’s professional symphony is crumbling around her. This is a story of grooming and professional corruption, about using power to take advantage of others and exploit them for what you desire. Yet Todd Field resisted the urge to make a simple Harvey Weinstein type story, opting instead to use the incredibly specific and incredibly dense palette of classical music and the orchestral industry as his palette. The movie doesn’t hold the viewer’s hand in the least; from moment one, references and nods are flying fast and loose, calling out everyone from Furtwängler and Karajan to Marin Alsop and Michael Tilson Thomas. Hildur Guðnadóttir plays a clever double-role, mentioned by name alongside peers such as Jennifer Higdon but also furnishing elements of the diegetic and non-diegetic soundscape. Extended rehearsal sequences in Tár’s pidgin German play out free of subtitles. The minutiae of orchestral union proceedings are debated time and again. All of these references, all of this time, all of this vocabulary is necessary to establish the zealous obsession that surrounds the craft for Tár. She has crafted her whole identity around being the next soothsayer of the Western canon, the protégée of Bernstein himself. More importantly, it’s a veneer of legitimacy. It’s clear from the start that the maestro is less than “politically correct”: a dressing-down of a Juilliard student regarding his opinions on contemporary art music and views on Bach steps beyond the pale of a misguided tough love approach and more into the territory of personal attack. But this is a pattern. Fields approaches the everyday administrative details of Tár’s life with the same meticulousness. Insidious little instances begin to float to the surface, indicating a predatory tendency that others notice and become increasingly intolerant toward. The camera lingers on Lydia’s assistant Francesca as she lip-syncs her boss’s plaudits during a public interview, casts furtive glances or begins to wonder why she’s being asked certain things. Even the matter of handing over a laptop becomes a dangerous prospect. And the conductor’s wife and colleague, concertmaster Sharon Goodnow, becomes increasingly disillusioned with Tár’s actions as a new affair begins to become apparent in newcomer cellist Olga. In this sense, the deliberate and clinical handling of camera in many scenes begins to build a case against the maestro, feeling in beats almost akin to The Assistant. A specific event involving a fellow for a program Tár started for women conductors lingers in the shadows, eluded to but never fully elucidated. Krista Taylor had no prospects in the field after Tár torpedoed her career. The maestro insists this was due to Taylor’s mental instability, but other evidence suggests that there was a revenge aspect to this. The fantasy life of private jets and book talks can be ripped away so quickly.

And yet the fantasy of it all does have its place in the tapestry of this narrative. As with music, there is room for ambiguity here, space to interpret. Especially in the back half of the film, Field calls into question Tár’s state of mind through her troubled dreams and strange nocturnal discoveries. Distorted images of the women in her life haunt her, intertwined with moments in the Amazon recalling her past ethnomusicological work. Yet as things begin to unravel and Tár loses the thread, the nature of objective reality becomes more tenuous. As with the scandal reveal, it’s subtle at first. In her rehearsal home, the maestro is haunted by a persistent doorbell sound, which heartbreakingly later turns out to be the elderly woman next door in distress. The legacy of Krista Taylor’s fallout and eventual suicide comes in the form of labyrinthine drawings which appear in gift book inscriptions, metronome faces, or formed in clay in her adoptive daughter’s room. Just where these come from or who makes them is never made explicit, but that doesn’t make them any less haunting for Tár. As she courts Olga, or seduces her, the cellist becomes ever more disillusioned with Tár just as she becomes more elusive. At one point, Tár chases Olga into the seemingly abandoned building where she perhaps resides, only to find the cellist vanished, seemingly a figment of her imagination. Descending into the basement, she instead finds a fox or a wolf, her predatory nature turning back on her. Ghosts haunt the periphery. By the time it has all fallen away, she rushes onto the stage mid-performance, attacking her impostor, claiming the score for herself. It’s her work, she alone can interpret it. Utterly fallen from grace, the final sequences play out like a sort of bizarro-world fantasy. New York is no longer a place of glamour, but an ugly outer borough rail station, everything drab and grey and muddy. Her final gig is the coup de grace. She is engaged to perform a Japanese work for a Southeast Asian concert hall. The final shot is a bitterly funny punch in the gut: she’s at the bottom of the barrel, performing video game music for a rapt audience of cosplayers. Goodbye haughty, lofty concert halls.

Noémie Merlant, Nina Hoss, and Sophie Kauer all turn in strong, nuanced performances. But Cate Blanchett is the obvious powerhouse here. She’s fun as the haughty, dismissive maestro who knows just how it’s all done. This makes her fall all the more pathetic, not even able to see her daughter. It’s a late scene which cements just how hard this has all hit her, and a brilliant piece of acting from Blanchett. Sitting alone at her old family home in New York with a childhood field hockey medal around her neck, Tár watches a recording of one of Leonard Bernstein’s Young People’s Concerts where he describes how music can be used to communicate ideas words cannot. Her face says it all: this is her whole world still, but now she no longer can access it, by her own hand. She controlled time with her baton, but she cannot control others in the same fashion.

THE RULES

PICK ONE

Select either MAHLER FIVE or the ELGAR CELLO CONCERTO and sip whenever that work is mentioned.

SIP

Someone name-drops a composer or conductor.

The narrative transitions to a new city.

Lydia calls someone a robot.

A scene contains a language other than English spoken in dialogue.

BIG DRINK

A labyrinth is drawn on something.

Tár cuts off the orchestra during rehearsal.

#drinking games #tar #todd field #cate blanchett #noemie merlant #sophie kauer #nina hoss #drama #oscars 2023 #mahler #elgar #hildur guðnadóttir

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