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youalexturnermeon · 4 years

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Warm Beer and Cold Women (Johnny Lawrence x Reader)

Request: Hi! I absolutely love your work and I was wondering if I could get a Cobra Kai Johnny imagine where the reader is a bartender and starts crushing on him since he’s a regular and he flirts with her all the time and she pretends to hate it but she actually loves it? by Anon

A/N: Again, Johnny Lawrence x Reader and again it’s gonna be multiple parts (ONLY IF YOU WANT ME TO) because I just can’t keep it short

Warnings: badass reader, drinking, swearing

Wordcount: 1589

“Look, (Y/N), your boyfriend’s back.”

You heard that sentence almost every day during your late shift. Everyday, for about a month now. Jenny, your college at the half empty bar never held herself back. Just like right at the moment when she said that with a grin as you two stood behind the counter and polished glasses to look busy.

You rolled your eyes, “He’s not my boyfriend!” You insisted on it every night as well.

“Your loss, he’s kinda hot”. And Jenny’s answer was also the same every time. This conversation always felt like a déjà-vu, except that it literally happened to you every damn night you had to work. You let out a deep sigh trying to focus on the empty glass in one of your hands and the dirty cloth in the other. Yet you couldn’t help yourself to take a peek at the man who just arrived and took his regular seat at the end of the bar counter. He came here every day and he never made a secret out of doing it just because of his favourite barkeeper – you. He was indeed hot; you thought every time. Although he probably was in his late 40s or maybe even early 50s and looked like he’d seen some shit in his life, he was damn attractive, he had a full head of blonde hair, the bluest eyes you have ever witnessed on a person and he was more athletic than most men your age. You caught yourself hungrily eyeing his toned body, muscles almost popping through the tight black shirt he was wearing.

“Hey gorgeous,” he called over to you when he noticed your glance. And the biggest and brightest smile appeared on his lips. “Hi, Johnny.” you greeted him back, trying to sound the most disinterested and lazily walked over to him.

“Who do I have to screw to get a beer around here?”

You rolled your eyes again, supressing a stupid grin. You almost allowed your brain to picture an image of you two in the men’s bathroom. You pulled yourself together and shook this indecent thought off.

“Most certainly not me.”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

“But if you want me to,” you gestured with your thumb to the door, ‘staff’ written on it, behind you, “I can go fetch Kenny, he won’t say no to that. It’ll get you at least 2 free drinks, I think.”

Kenny was a big old biker, with long grey hair and a long grey beard, dressed in leather from head to toe, who owned the shabby bar you worked in. He also looked quite scary if one didn’t know him. Johnny’s smile twitched into a disgusted grimace. And you laughed from planting the thought of Johnny screwing Kenny inside his head. He didn’t like him very much.

“If you weren’t the hottest chick I have seen in my whole life, I would’ve called you a stupid bitch of a barkeeper and left you without any tip. But your pretty face and your great ass saves you all the time, huh?”

“Yes, Johnny,” you replied sarcastically “this has brought me very far in live, after all I’m a respectable barkeeper in not the shabbiest bar of Reseda but quite close to it, renting a luxury 1-bedroom apartment next to the most famous meth-head on the block for much more than it’s worth. Are you having the usual?” Johnny nodded, and you went off to get him his beer and whisky. Sometimes it was hard for you to be so mean to him, he was the only man on earth who showered you with complements all the time, not giving up flirting with you no matter what you said. But after all, he was still a local drunk hitting on a barkeeper. There was a lot of those, you had a few of them every night and Jenny even more. The only thing different about Johnny was that he was very good-looking and the most persistent of them all.

Jenny winked at you as you drew a beer from the tap system and poured the cheap brown liquid into a shot glass.

“How’s the love life going?”

“Fuck off, Jenny!”, you grunted and made your way back to the regular. You placed his order in front of him and stood still, arms crossed. To be fair, you didn’t have anything else to do, it was Tuesday night and only a few people sat in the dark corners of the bar getting drunk just by themselves. You might as well just let yourself entertain by the man who appreciated you.

“So, tell me,” Johnny started after he took the first sip of his beer, “How is live treating you, (Y/N), anything badass happened to you recently? You good?”

He always asked you how you were although you never really answered. You admired his endurance.

“Actually, quite the opposite?”

Johnny’s eyes widened a little and he stood his beer glass back on the counter. Surprised about a different answer today and curious for it being elaborated.

“What is it?”

You leaned over the counter and lured him closer to you with your finger, so close that his face was right in front of yours and your breath tickled him. He smelled quite nice, you reckoned, you did not expect that.

“The thing is,” you started whispering into his ear, him excitedly leaning even closer to you, happy over the slightest contact “there’s this creep who keeps coming into the bar. Almost every day, I think he’s a high-functioning alcoholic. And he just can’t leave me alone for once, always hitting on me, always talking to me. He might as well be stalking me and he’s like 20 years older than I am. Should I be afraid of him?”

Even though all you said was a lie since you didn’t think of Johnny as a creepy stalker anymore, rather a lonely guy, your words weren’t intended to be so hurtful. As soon as they left your lips you bit your tongue. Was that too much this time? But you wanted to get rid of him, did you?

“I heard he’s a quite good-looking bastard, tough.” Johnny retorted immediately without even flinching as if none of what you said struck him in the slightest. And that’s what you liked about him, he still wanted to woo you.

“And maybe if you’d give him a chance, you’d realize what a good fucking guy he is.”

You let out a hateful laugh. That would break your one and only work-rule.

“Nah, I don’t fuck with regulars.”

“Who said something about fucking?”

You bit your lip, no one did, it was your brain picturing you and Johnny again.

“You look damn hot doing that,” he said with a smirk and you promptly released your lip from your teeth.

“I’ll cook dinner, we watch a movie on my couch – “

“Thank you very much but I can have stale pasta at home by myself.“ you interrupted him, the corners of your mouth twitching. To be honest, you would like to have that, but you already were too far into acting like you hated everything he said and did and above all just him as a person.

“C’mon, (Y/N), when do you finally let met buy you a drink”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Johnny rolled his beautiful blue eyes, “You say that all the time”

“Because you ask me that all the damn time.”

“’Cause I like you.” “Seriously Johnny, fuck off, you’re boring me.”

“Why do you always have to be such a bitch to me?” he exclaimed and maybe you were imagining that but for the first time since for ever you could make frustration out in his tone. That was exactly what you wanted, right?

“Woah,” you held your hands up “Watch your filthy mouth. You’ll have to give me a big fucking tip tonight, Johnny or I really go fetch Kenny so he can kick your sorry ass out for good.”

“No, I’ll just screw him instead, then I’ll be fine” You snorted, that man was unbelievable. Johnny, clearly satisfied with himself and his joke smiled with triumph.

“See, I made you laugh”

“Yeah, whatever” you said waving. And in that moment the huge mountain of a man, Kenny, came out of his office and stared blankly into Johnny.

“You’re gonna do what!?”, his voice roared through the bar, and Johnny suddenly became all small in his seat. You burst out laughing and finally used that situation to remove yourself from that scene. After all, you had work to do, you couldn’t just spend all your hours with Johnny. Even if you liked to.

“Uh oh,” Jenny said mockingly when you leaned against the counter next to her with a big sigh, “Relationship troubles?”

You nodded with a grin and made yourself a shot of vodka ready. You threw your head back and poured it down your throat all at once, you groaned but it felt good.

“Wow, would it have killed you if you did that with that poor guy over there?” Jenny signed over to Johnny, now sitting all alone looking down his fourth beer.

You shrugged; you didn’t want to indulge him that much.

“C’mon, you clearly in love with him and you know that.” “I don’t!” “You do, you like him.” “I fucking don’t. Stop making shit up in your hollow head!”

But that was a lie. For you the sun shone out his ass, that’s how much you liked him.

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Would you guys like me to write a second or maybe a third part??? Pls let me know?

also, let me know if you want to be tagged in my one shots and stuff

PART 2

#johnny lawrence #johnny lawrence imagine #johnny lawrence x reader #johnny lawrence fluff #badass reader #billy zabka #william zabka #cobra kai #cobra kai one shot #cobra kai imagine #karate kid #karate kid imagine

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not-so-mundane-after-all · 3 years

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Alright, so- Inspired by my awesome friend @undertheknightwing who created this AMAZING list of Dad!Dick Grayson headcanons (go check it out!!!) I decided to write down the mess I have in my own head into this giant ball of fluff, humor and angst.

So let me present you:

The Graysonfam List of Headcanons and Analysis

It's a looong ass list of my headcanons, mixed with an analysis of some scenes, looking into the motives and behavior of the characters. It's in more or less chronological order and divides into groups: season 1 (+2x01), the time jump, season 2, season 3 hopes/predictions and future. If you want me to turn any of these into fics or you feel like you could do something with it, just let me know. And now... ENJOY!

SEASON 1:

The first time Dick thinks of Gar and Rachel as his kids happens during the events of 1x08 and 1x10. It's pure instinct and it doesn't come to him until much later when he realizes that not only he thought of them this way but he actually meant it.

When he and Donna start translating Kory's notes and it becomes clear that Rachel might still be in trouble, he's immediately on his feet, asking Donna for the keys to her car and ordering her to take the books with her, so they could continue on the way. He's acting fast, ignoring Donna's questions because there's no time for explanation, my daughter is in danger. He almost says it out loud - almost.

When Donna tells him the danger clearly comes from Kory, he wants to deny it. Kory adores these kids just as much as he does, she would never hurt them. But he puts his feet on the gas anyway, breaking every speed limit possible, because if one hair falls from Gar's and Rachel's heads, he will burn the world to find the person responsible, even if it's Kory (especially if it's Kory)

When they get there the first thing he sees is Gar being thrown in the air, and his mind short circuits to only one thing: Gar, my boy, my son. Is he okay? Thankfully Donna takes care of the rest so he's free to take care of the boy. He pulls him up, holding him tight by the shoulders and makes sure he's okay, but the words 'my son' are still circling his mind.

Speaking of Donna - when Dick starts telling her about Rachel the first time, she wants to cry from happiness. Over these past five years all she saw in Dick's eyes was pain and suffering. A storm of bottled up emotions, raging monsters of anger ready to get out. His body looked weighed down, as if he was Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. And now he's talking about this little girl who threw a brick at a cop car in Detroit and his eyes start to shine as if they were stars in the night sky. His smile grows when he brags about how smart and witty she is, how she's more intelligent than she gives herself credit for, how similar the two of them are. He talks about her bravery and her big heart and he sounds so damn proud Donna's heart is about to burst out of her chest. "I thought I couldn't do it." he tells her. "I fucked up so many times. But she had awakened something in me. I just can't describe it." She can but she doesn't say it - he needs to get to it on his own. (Over a year later, when the girl who turned her brother's world upside down tries to guide her back to the light through the darkness of afterlife, Donna finally says "I always knew he'd be a great father someday. You have no idea how much he loves you." "He told you that?" Rachel asks quietly, trying to hold back her tears. Donna looks at her and smiles. "He didn't have to. I saw it in his eyes.")

Then Dick gets to the part about finding Rachel's mother and suddenly something changes. He's trying to seem like he's happy for her, he says he's glad everything ended well and now Rachel can start a new life but Donna sees right through his facade. He thinks he can't be a part of this new life and it's killing him.

Which brings me to something very important I've noticed a long time ago - Angela's presence makes Dick hold himself back. That's why he decided to leave - Rachel had her mother back, a guardian who could take care of her from now on so he wasn't needed anymore. His job was done. But at this point he's already too attached to just leave like that and when he learns that danger isn't over he comes back immediately. But when he gets there he's met with a wall. Angela is very territorial (we all know why but Dick didn't know that) and Rachel is too overwhelmed by everything but let's be real - if Angela wasn't there Dick would be hovering over Rachel like crazy. But he doesn't. Why? Because he thinks it's not his place to do so. It's easier to go after Kory than to just be standing there awkwardly, wanting to help and comfort but not being able to.

He remembers everything Trigon put him through - every fucking detail. There is some stuff from the vision he wants to laugh at - Him and Dawn? Married? Maybe once upon a time he entertained that thought but he abandoned it long ago. There are things he's actually grateful for - seeing Gar and Rachel as they could be in the future, grown up, in college, happy. That's the one thing he doesn't want to forget. And Johnny - he doesn't want to forget Johnny either.

His mind was sort of awake, in two places at once, even though he didn't have any control over his body. He remembers chasing the kids around the house, Gar screaming "Real life horror movie!" as he and Rachel tried to run away from him. He remembers Rachel pleading with him when the others were beating the poor boy. He wanted to respond, wanted to let her know he can hear her but he couldn't do anything. He watched helplessly as his own hand pulled Gar up and finished what others started. He screamed and shouted but it was in vain. And then he cried and howled like a wolf watching as Trigon ripped Rachel's heart from her chest and crushed it in his hand, then placed the red gemstone in her forehead. He remembers her dark eyes and evil smirk. He remembers thinking it was over, feeling heartbroken and defeated. He gave up, let the darkness swallow him whole. He didn't want to see more, it was easier locking himself up in this vision because he knew Bruce laying dead in rubble wasn't real. And then she came to him. Back straight and head held high, piercing blue eyes locked on him. He remembers his tone when he spoke to her, taunting and dangerous but it didn't scare her. "We're supposed to save each other" she told him and he wanted to cry but Trigon had him wrap his fingers around her throat and choke her - another thing he would never do. He would never lay a damn finger on her and Trigon was well aware of that. But Rachel knew that too. And she wasn't scared.

He remembers the circus she brought him into. Empty stage, broken chairs scattered everywhere. He never wanted to come back here. And even though his body stood there motionless he was trashing inside, wanting to get out of here but more importantly wanting to get her out of here. Seeing Rachel on that platform, ready to jump, it was too much. He couldn't lose her, like he lost his parents. He didn't catch them but he sure as hell was going to catch her. So when she fell - he snapped. Got the control back, his muscles acted on memory and he jumped. He flew like he used to and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, holding her tight. He caught her. He would always catch her.

When they wake up all he wants to do is hold her. Relief almost sends him to his knees. But then Gar walks in, all bloody and bruised and all that relief turns into freezing agony and guilt. I did this, he thinks. It's my fault. But there is no time for apologies or explanation, Trigon is still there. Letting Rachel go deal with him on her own is hard but Dick knows she could do it - and she did. Seeing her walking out of that fog is one of the most beautiful views he saw in his life. And when he finally takes her into his arms he doesn't let go until Kory basically rips her out of his embrace.

He wants Kory to go with them. Kids need her. His idea of giving Gar and Rachel a new life included her. Included both of them, taking care of the kids together. Things between them are tangled and complicated but one thing that is neither of those things is their attachment to these two. But Kory just got her memories back, she has her own issues to deal with, she needs time and space - and he respects that, so do Gar and Rachel. But Dick would be lying if he said he didn't notice their disappointment.

The first day of their roadtrip across the country is quiet - mostly because they are all so goddamn tired. Dick pulls up to a motel before dark, deciding that the more sleep they get the better. They pick two rooms next to each other, Jason and Gar in one, he and Rachel in the other. Rachel immediately vanishes in the bathroom, so Dick has time to sit down and think (as if he wasn't doing it the entire day while driving). An idea is shaping in his head, memories of a beloved city in sunny California come to the surface of his mind and he knows this is where he wants to take the kids. But he has to make a stop at Gotham first, he needs to talk to Bruce and most importantly return Jason home. Rachel walks out of the bathroom in fresh clothes Donna left for her and crawls into bed without a word. He takes his time to tuck her in, then sits down on the edge of her bed. She's beyond exhausted, but she's safe, she's with him, everything will be alright. He will never let anyone take her away from him again. And when he's watching her fall asleep, holding her hand in his, three words come to his mind, words he's not ready to say aloud yet but he knows them to be true. I love you.

THE TIME JUMP:

Physical affection is something I think the show is pretty good at showing but I still crave to see more. It's clear that Dick struggles to be affectionate, whether that be through words or touch. And he doesn't even realize he's actually very good at it. Why? Because whenever he does it, he's acting on instinct. The biggest proof? All his hugs with Rachel in s1. Boy had no idea what to do, it was written on his face, but his arms went up nonetheless. He didn't freeze, he didn't push her away, but reacted accordingly. The hugs in 1x02 and 1x04 are the only ones he initiated on his own, but he still wasn't sure if he's doing it right. As the show went on he slowly eased into it, but was still taken by surprise when it happened (1x08, the first hug in 2x01). By the end of 2x01 he seems to be pretty comfortable with it but I think it's during the time jump when he really starts to understand the importance and power of physical affection and how these kids really need it. The pat he gave Gar on the shoulder in 2x03 or their hug in 2x09 felt really natural, same as the goodbye hug with Rachel in 2x13. All three of them got comfortable with each other during those first three months in SF. Which leads me to…

Cuddle sessions. Yes, this is definitely a thing at Titans Tower (*cough*Grayson*cough*household*cough). It starts that first night when Dick, Rachel, Gar and Jason gather on the couch to watch a movie. Rachel lays down and rests her head on Dick's thigh while Gar settles comfortably on his other side. Dick has no idea when it happened but he freezes for a moment when he realizes his hand is on Rachel's head, fingers carding through her hair. The girl seems to be asleep already but stirs when he stops and asks him to continue, so he does. Soon after that Gar's head lands on his shoulder as the boy starts nodding off. The sudden contact wakes him up and he pulls away awkwardly, apologizing but Dick tells him it's okay so Gar leans back against him. The feeling of having the two of them so close brings a sense of calm to Dick and soon he falls asleep as well. He wakes up in the morning with the two teenagers basically laying on top of him and Jason standing over them with a smirk and a phone in his hand.

After that it sort of becomes a thing and not just during movies. Whenever Dick sits down on the couch, whether to work or to simply relax, Gar or Rachel (or both) would find him and snuggle to him, at first hesitantly, but with more confidence as the time passes and they get comfortable with it. After three months of living together all Dick has to do is pat the spot next to him for them to jump on the couch and cuddle up, tho Rachel is the one who does it most often and with no hesitation.

Dick very quickly starts understanding how important it is for them so he starts returning the favor. A good job pat on the shoulder during training, a kiss dropped on the top of the head during breakfast, a comforting shoulder rub when they aren't feeling well, emotionally or physically. Gar loves when Dick ruffles his hair, he even leans into it sometimes, while Rachel's favorite things are forehead kisses and tucking her hair behind her ear (but neither of them would ever say that out loud)

Words are as important as gestures, which brings us to affectionate pet names. It feels normal and almost ordinary when it comes from a woman - Rachel has been called 'honey' by Melisa and 'sweetheart' by Dawn but she wasn't phased by it. But when Dick calls her 'honey' for the first time, she nearly drops her coffee mug. It comes out so naturally and he doesn't even realize he said it, but it takes her breath away and she needs a moment to collect herself. With Gar it's usually 'Bud', 'Buddy', or 'Tiger Boy' spoken affectionately and he's always beaming with happiness when he hears Dick saying that.

One night, shortly after Trigon, Rachel slips into his bedroom in the middle of the night, saying she can't sleep. The memories are too vivid, too real. Her lips are trembling and she looks like she's about to fall apart and that's all it takes for Dick to sit up, open his arms for her and with full awareness and conviction say "come here, baby girl". She falls asleep snuggled to his bare chest and Dick feels his throat getting dangerously tight. He'd seen many times, mostly on TV, images of parents holding their babies to their bare skin - something about creating a bond through skin-to-skin contact. He was never able to wrap his head around this concept, but now, as he feels Rachel's cheek pressed to his heart, her hand closed in his resting on his stomach, the understanding hits him like a speeding train, pushing a tear or two out of his eyes. It's something indescribable, feels profound and almost sacred. The love he feels in this moment is overwhelming.

Gar has nightmares too, he usually wakes up screaming. It scares Dick at first, how he reacts, because the boy pulls away, wide eyed and shaking, and doesn't want to be touched. Guilt overwhelms Dick because he's sure it's because of him, because of what he did to Gar while being under Trigon's control. He tries to apologize and Gar accepts it but explains to him that his nightmares are not Dick's fault and they are not even about that (Dick can feel the boy is lying for both of their sakes but lets him anyway). It takes a few tries and lots of pleading and building trust but one night Gar finally falls into Dick's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He pulls the boy close, runs his fingers through his hair just like Gar likes it and whispers "it's okay, my little boy." over and over again until Gar's body goes limp in his hold and he can put him back to sleep. Neither of them mentions it in the morning, but Gar gives him a look full of gratitude, filling his heart with warmth.

One evening during their first week in SF they organise a 'bonding night' - Gar's idea. There's take out and board games and staying up all night, talking. At some point one of them suggests sharing any hidden talents (besides superpowers of course) and details no one knows about them. Jason admits to being a theatre nerd ("it's thespian you idiots!") and proves it by flawlessly rapping verses from Hamilton. Gar thanks to travelling with his parents can fluently speak few African languages, he also shares that during his time at the Doom Manor Rita taught him the basics of playing piano. When it's Dick's turn he gets up from the couch and vanishes for a few minutes, but eventually comes back with a guitar, saying he had learned to play during his circus days, but hadn't done it in a while so he might be a little rusty. He plays a few cords, trying to spark his memory and when the notes finally come to him, a beautiful melody fills the room (I always imagine it's Viva la Vida by Coldplay). And suddenly this melody is joined by an angelic voice - Rachel closes her eyes and starts singing quietly, recognizing the song. She only opens her eyes when she's finished and finds the three of them looking at her in absolute awe, Dick's eyes seem to be a bit watery. She gets a bit embarrassed and says it's nothing but they start cheering and clapping anyway. Gar asks her where did she learn to sing like that and she admits she used to sing in a church choir when she was little, but had to quit after her powers started showing. The night ends with a little jam session and lots of laughing.

Gar and Rachel grew up on golden era of Disney Channel shows (Jason knows them too but he'd rather be tortured than ever admit that) and once the news is out Dick is forced to sit through the entire run of Wizards of Waverly Place. But watching Rachel flawlessly impersonate the main character Alex, knowing every line word for word makes him grin like a madman and laugh so hard his stomach hurts and tears roll down his cheeks. He pulls her to him and she falls on him in a fit of uncontrollable giggles while Gar and Jason give her a standing ovation.

SEASON 2:

While hanging out together is important, Dick also makes sure he gets to spend some time with each of them separately. With Jason it's mostly through training - the boy isn't very keen on spending one-on-one quality time outside of the gym, but prides himself to be Dick's right hand man during lessons, having more experience over the other two. With Gar it's video games most of the time - Dick learned to play specifically for him and actually started paying attention to gaming lore. But it's not just that - Gar has a talent to anything tied to technology so they spend a lot of time together in the tech room where the boy learns to operate the Tower system. It brings both of them a lot of joy. Rachel, as the only girl in their little family, often needs some time away from the boys, so Dick takes her on walks in the mornings or a drive around the city, shows her his favorite coffee shop which soon becomes their favorite spot. They talk about everything and nothing, because conversations were the thing that brought them so close in the first place, and it just feels good.

Rachel also loves spending time with him in the tech room - but not like Gar, she's not learning to run it (although she picked up a thing or two) but she's simply there to keep Dick company while he works (can he even call that work if he hasn't been officially working as a detective for quite a while now? Not to mention his resignation has been sent to Detroit the day they arrived in SF). She brings him coffee or snacks, stands behind his chair with her arms around his neck, observing whatever he's doing (and asking lots of questions) or simply sits in the other swiveling chair, drawing in her sketchbook or turning around so many times Dick starts to worry she's gonna get dizzy. He asks her one time if she's not bored sitting here with him but she just shrugs and says she'd rather be here than anywhere else and his heart grows tenfold as he smiles at her

So remember how Rachel lost control and attacked Jason in 2x03? And how Jason shouted "Stay away from me you fucking freak!" right in her face? And how Dick walks in like 3 seconds later asking if everything's okay and the tension is HIGH??? Well, he might have not seen what happened, but he definitely HEARD the full thing, he was within the hearing range. The fact that he didn't attack Jason immediately is really impressive, if this was s1!Dick - Jason would be on the floor right now, probably with a swollen eye and few broken bones. But here Dick is trying to play it smart and investigate. If it wasn't for dr Light he would probably get to the bottom of this and had a conversation with both Jason and Rachel. I'm thinking of writing a one-shot AU where he actually does it (mostly thanks to Gar who is a terrible liar when caught of guard)

When the last cab drives away and the Tower becomes empty, save for him, Gar and that boy in the infirmary, Dick does not leave to meet with Adeline immediately - he goes to Rachel's room and starts scrubbing it clean from all the crosses painted all over the place. His eyes are burning, the bile in his throat is the size of a tennis ball but he doesn't allow himself to cry. At some point Gar joins him and wordlessly starts helping him. It takes them a little over an hour and when it's done they both drop down on her bed, sitting shoulder to shoulder. "She'll be back." Gar tells him. "I'm not so sure." Dick replies, not looking at the boy. Gar puts a hand on his shoulder. "She will. You just wanted to protect us. Deep down she knows that, she's just angry." Dick knows Gar's reasoning is valid, but looking at his own reflection in the broken mirror he can't help but think that in the long run Rachel will be better off without him. They will all be better off without him.

It's not until his first night in prison that Dick starts to regret his decision to cast himself away. He wakes up in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes, his mind still reeling from dreams of Gar and Rachel seven years in the future. They were adults, happy and independent - that's good, right? That's what he always wanted for them. But his tears start to fall when it comes to him, hitting him like a wrecking ball, that spending 7 years behind bars means he won't be able to see them grow up. Something like a panic attack comes next and he is barely able to pull himself out of it. He's suddenly overwhelmed by questions. My kids… will they be okay? Is Kory back at the Tower or is Gar still alone? What is he gonna do when that strange boy wakes up? Was there any food in the fridge when I left? I left Gar some money, but still… God, and Rachel! She has never been on a plane before, what if she gets scared and her powers start acting out? What if she gets night terrors again? Will Donna know what to do? His head is spinning, these thoughts are suffocating him. Only a breathing exercise Bruce had taught him years ago is able to help, but it takes longer than usual. Dick doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.

He's not sure how but when Dick sees a bird in a window of his cell, he knows it's no ordinary bird. It's a raven. It's her. He gets up on his feet despite his knees being weak and wobbly and he smiles, grins like an idiot as he calls out to her. Because it has to be her, right? But all hope leaves him when the creature flies up again with a croak and disappears from his sight, leaving him alone. Dick drops to his knees, feeling more exhausted than ever and curls on the floor, his body shaking from shivers. No one is coming. He brought it on himself. He is forgotten already. But then he hears quiet tapping and something nudges his hand. He opens one eye only to look right into a ruby red one. The bird is here, inside, right in front of his face. It flaps its wings and its feathers turns into dark smoke for a moment. "Rachel…" He breathes out, holding to his last shreds of consciousness. The raven lowers its head, snuggling it to his forehead and before Dick passes out again he hears three words said by this quiet, angelic voice he loves so much: Don't give up.

When they bring Donna back to the Tower and lay her down in the infirmary Dick feels empty and overflowed at the same time. He goes to strip off his new suit and change into something more comfortable but it's a struggle when his hands are shaking so much. He goes back to infirmary and passes by Dawn in the doorway, who walks out of the room with Donna's Wonder Girl belt in hand, not even lifting her eyes up at him. He closes the door and sits down, taking Donna's hand in his but he is able to sit there for only ten minutes before the feeling of her hand growing cold in his makes him want to run away. He makes his way back to his room but takes a step back when he notices two colorful heads in the training room. Gar and Rachel are sitting on one of the benches with their backs to him, talking quietly. Gar is hunched over and Rachel has her arm around him and her head on his shoulder. The sight makes Dick's throat tight. He walks up to them quietly and they only notice him when he's standing in front of them. They simultaneously lift their heads up, showing him their red, swollen from crying eyes and his heart can't take it anymore. He falls to his knees in front of them. "I'm here." he whispers as he takes their hands in his. "I'm right here." he whispers again and his voice breaks. Suddenly two sets of arms are wrapped around him when both Gar and Rachel throw themselves at him, sobbing into his shoulders. He holds them tight, kisses their heads and lets his own tears fall into their hair as he keeps promising them he is not leaving them ever again.

SEASON 3 HOPES/PREDICTIONS:

First few weeks without Donna and Rachel are absolute torture. Grief is normal, he's been through it before, it's nothing new (maybe more painful and guilt-ridden than he ever experienced). But not having Rachel around and how it impacts him on day-to-day basis after spending every day with her for the past few months is something totally new and unexpected and Dick is pretty sure he's never felt like this before. He's overprotective to the point of being overbearing and Gar points that out to him numerous times. He keeps making her breakfast, forgetting she's not gonna show up in the kitchen when the clock strikes 9 am. He keeps looking into her room like he's expecting to find her there. He constantly checks his phone as if she were able to call from Themyscira, where there's no signal, let alone phones. "Is it what sending your kid out to college feels like?" Hank asks him one evening and Dick almost chokes on his beer. Gar laughs so hard he falls off his chair.

Rachel does everything she can to not cry in front of Dick when they say goodbye to each other but the moment the plane is in the air, she breaks. It was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make and seeing Dick so broken definitely didn't help. But she has to at least try to bring Donna back, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself otherwise. So she gets herself together and keeps telling herself to be brave. For Dick. For Donna. For her family.

Gar becomes the center of family's attention and he can't say he doesn't love it. That spot always belonged to Rachel after all, but he was never jealous, nor he resented her for that. She totally deserved it and she can take the spot back when she returns (but he's never gonna let her get away with not saying goodbye to him). He's the 'A-Student' now during training, Dick is putting some extra work to make sure he learns as much as he can. Kory helps him a lot with the trauma CADMUS gave him and works with him on the development of his powers. He tries turning into other animals and after a month of struggling he finally turns into a mouse. Kory walks with him sitting on his shoulder around the whole Tower like the proudest mama in the galaxy and Dick's beaming with pride for the entire week.

After Dick's off-hand comment that Rachel is missing on so much Gar starts to record vlogs on his phone about what's happening at the Titans Tower so Rachel can watch it and catch up when she's back. The material he gets is pure gold and even when others beg him to delete it, he refuses saying this is too good to be destroyed.

The day before Rachel's first attempt at resurrection she uses a freshly learned trick to come to Dick in his dream. They meet on the beach she's currently on, meditating. Seeing him for the first time in three months makes her want to cry but she promised herself to be strong so he wouldn't worry and she holds her tears at bay. She falls into his arms with the brightest smile and burrows her face in his chest. He's holding her tight, asking if everything is okay and she nods, not quite trusting her voice at the moment. "I can't keep you here for long, but I needed to see you." she tells him. She's not sharing any details about her plan, the less he knows the better, but he begs her to be careful and stop if it turns out to be too much for her. Dick pulls her to him one last time before she has to serve the connection and presses his lips to her forehead. "I love you." he whispers and she closes her eyes, hugging him tighter. "Come home soon." "I love you, too. And I will."

To find Donna's soul Rachel needs to go to The Underworld, which is a dark, scary place (well, for the most part). The search is difficult and the journey ahead of her is long. On her way she meets other people, souls who sometimes want to help her, sometimes otherwise. She sees Adamson and all the people who were after her, drowning in a river of fire, calling for help. One hand grabs her by the ankle and Rachel looks down right into the hollow eyes of her birth mother. She struggles to set herself free from Angela's hold but eventually the creepy hand lets go of her and Rachel runs away. Not all the meetings are painful though. She gets to see Melisa again - she tells her about Dick and Gar and Kory and everything that happened. "I found him, mom. I found the boy from the circus." she says and they both start to cry. Melisa tells her how proud she is and lets her continue her journey. But the most surprising meeting happens right before the end. Rachel knows their faces only from her dream and the blurry videos she found online. But the resemblance to Dick is undeniable - he has his mother's eyes, his father's hair. Mary Grayson takes her into her arms with tears in her eyes, saying how happy she is to finally meet her. They chat for a while, laugh and cry together like they've known each other their whole lives. "He's so lucky to have you." John tells her. "Tell him we're proud of him." Mary asks her when she is about to leave. "And come back to him in one piece." Rachel nods, holding back tears. "I will, I promise."

When Rachel arrives at Wayne Manor it's already dark outside. A black car pulls in the driveway. Dick, Kory and Gar are waiting by the main entrance and when the car stops they approach it and Dick opens the door. Rachel is sleeping in the backseat with her head falling on her shoulder and the view is so beautiful and adorable that Dick stops for a moment to just look at her with a dreamy smile on his face. He lifts his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and leans in whispering "welcome back, sweetheart". She smiles without opening her eyes and instantly lifts her arms to wrap them around his neck. They both laugh as he pulls her out the car. She steps away from him for a moment to hug Gar and Kory but sticks herself back to his side immediately after. Gar takes her bag and the car drives away while the 4 of them head towards the door.

She failed (or at least she thinks she failed) and that first night back she cries her eyes out into Dick's chest, apologizing over and over again. "It's okay, honey." he tells her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Remember what I told you back at the airport? No matter how strong we are, we-" "We can't always change the world." she finishes for him and smiles through her tears. "I know. I've had those words in the back of my head every day." They lay in silence for the next few minutes, Dick's hand slowly stroking Rachel's hair. She hesitates a bit but then starts telling him about meeting his parents. He smiles at her through tears. "I'm so proud of you." he whispers. "You've grown so much. You're so strong. Going away was a good decision, it gave you skills and experience you wouldn't have gotten here. But now I'm just glad I have you back. I was worried sick." Rachel smiles into his chest. "I'm not going anywhere again."

As happy as Dick is to have her back, some part of him wishes Rachel stayed longer on Themyscira. Everything that's happening in Gotham is making him consider sending her and Gar away to some place safe and hidden, The Justice League has a lot of those. But his kids are Titans - they both remind him of that. "You didn't train us to hide." she tells him. "We can handle this." Gar adds. And Dick believes them. And he's so proud his heart can barely take it.

Donna's return comes as a shock to everyone - Hank brings her to the Wayne Manor one day, saying they bumped into each other at some restaurant in the city. "How-" Rachel asks with eyes opened wide in disbelief. Donna smiles at her. "I don't know. I got lost, but… I found my way back somehow." Dick slowly walks up to her, his eyes welling up with tears. "But the spell-" "It worked." Donna explains. "It just needed more time." After that he sweeps her into his arms and extends his hand to Rachel to pull her in as well. He holds them both as close as he can, kissing their heads and swears to himself to never lose either of them again.

FUTURE:

Thoughts about adoption appear in Dick's mind more or less when he brings Gar and Rachel to San Francisco, but they are more of an abstract dream than something that could be real. But as the time goes on those thoughts become more and more solidified and are too big to be ignored. He finally decides to talk to someone about it and that someone is Dawn, mostly because they've had this kind of conversation before. "It's a big responsibility - taking her in. But taking care of a kid is complicated, you know that better than anyone." These words stay with him every day, that's why he goes to her. He struggles to say what he wants to say but she understands and hugs him with tears in her eyes saying she knew he'd do it sooner or later and that she couldn't be happier for him. She helps him with paperwork and prepares him for meetings. He breaks the news to the kids the moment everything is ready. They're suspicious of the 'gifts' he hands them since it's neither's birthday today and there's no holiday. They share a curious glance as they rip off the shiny gift paper to reveal two folders of documents (while Dick almost dies from anticipation and nerves). Gar is the first one to react - his lips slowly stretch into the biggest grin imaginable. "For real? Are you serious? This is real stuff?" his voice grows louder and more excited with each following question and Dick can't help but laugh. Rachel stays quiet though. She stares at the papers in her hands with her brows furrowed. Seconds pass and she's not moving. It's like she's not even breathing. "Rachel?" Kory asks quietly, taking a step her way. And then the floodgates open. Rachel's face twists into a grimace as she starts sobbing uncontrollably. She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle it but there's no use. Dick walks up to her, terrified he did something wrong but then she throws herself into his arms, repeating "thank you" and "I love you" over and over again. Dick pulls Gar to him as well and hugs them both. "You're my kids." He whispers to them. "I love you more than anything in the world. And nothing will ever change that." By the time of Rachel's 16th birthday she and Gar are officially Graysons.

Dick and Kory get married the following year. It's a glamorous but small ceremony with reception held at the Wayne Manor. For the months leading to the big day the kids (with the help of the entire team and few other people) prepare something very special - and the idea comes from Uncle Clay. Turns out Clay, as the closest friend of Dick's parents, owns a small storage unit where he keeps some of the stuff from the circus, including personal things - like a box of journals of Mary Grayson, who had been writing them since she was a child. Clay tells Gar and Rachel a story about how Mary used to write poetry which then she turned into songs and sometimes performed them at the circus. He even still has some of her stage outfits. The three of them get the idea that Gar and Rachel should look through tapes with her performances and pick one song to sing together at the wedding - and that's what they do. They find a beautiful ballad where Clay accompanied Mary on the piano (he teaches Gar how to play it) and in secret the team prepares the whole show. The performance happens during the Bride and Groom's first dance. Gar enters the stage in a tuxedo, says a few words and starts playing. Dick and Kory start dancing slowly but stop for a moment when he starts singing the first verse. They have no idea what's coming next. Rachel, in Mary's dress stands in the crowd surrounding the couple. Hank comes to stand behind her and secretly puts a microphone in her hand. She comes in for the second verse of the song and that's when Dick and Kory stop dancing completely, too surprised to move. They watch in absolute awe as Rachel joins her brother on stage and they finish the song together. When Dick realizes he actually remembers this song from his childhood and that the dress Rachel is wearing belonged to his mother he breaks down in tears. After the song is over the kids join their parents on the dancefloor for a bone-crushing group hug (and to help you imagine this even better this is the song I imagine them singing)

The day Rachel and Gar get their college acceptance letters is one of the most stressful days in their lives. They're in the Tower's kitchen, both holding the envelopes in their hands, afraid to open them. "What are you guys waiting for? Open it!" Kory encourages them. They agree to do it on three. Dick holds his breath, gripping tight his wife's hand. The kids read the letters, fully focused. There's a stretching moment of silence, and then… "I got in!" "Me too!" A lot of screaming and laughing and jumping around happens afterwards, but even in the chaos of all of that Dick can feel a burning knot tightening in his stomach.

And I thought sending Rachel to Themyscira was hard, Dick thinks when they drop Gar and Rachel off at college on their first day. Thankfully it's the same college, but it's in Chicago and it's still half a country away from home. He's not sure how many times he checked already if they have everything they need, if they haven't forgotten to pack something, if they are absolutely sure they know their schedule and so on. Kory, standing next to him with her hands on her growing belly, laughs at him fussing over them. Gar and Rachel just smile and nod, seeing how stressed he is. Yes, Dad, we're sure we have everything. Yes, we checked. Of course we'll call. Yes, Dad. Okay, Dad - and so on. At some point they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but suddenly Dick is getting choked up. His two little birds are leaving the nest and he should be handling it better than he does. Seeing him clearlyon the edge of falling apart Gar and Rachel give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry." he says. "I'm just trying to let you go a little. Let you grow up." "It's that hard?" Rachel asks him and he looks at her - tall, beautiful, confident, brave and smart. Perfect. But he also still sees that little kid he met in Detroit. "It can't be that hard." Gar adds and for a moment when Dick looks at him he thinks he's seeing double - the young, handsome and courageous man who is standing in front of him now and that overexcited cheerful kid who joined them on their little road trip. "It's impossible." Dick tells them, pulling them back into another hug. "It's fucking impossible." Soon they have to go or they will be late for their classes and Dick and Kory are left alone on the campus. "They'll be okay." his wife tells him. He has to swallow down a bile in his throat and push back some tears before answering. "I know."

Oh and remember Dick's old silver Porsche? The one he traded for a minivan? Yeah, he got it back (don't ask him how). Rachel owns it now. Graduation present. And don't worry about Gar, he's got his car too. Grandpa Bruce got him his dream ride.

Woah... This turned out WAAAAAAAAAY longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far (and even if you didn't) I hope you enjoyed.

#dc titans #titans #dcu titans #titans season 3 #dick grayson #rachel roth #kory anders #garfield logan #donna troy #titans netflix #titans season 1 #titans season 2

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lovesangyeon · 4 years

Text

Selfish

pairing: haechan x reader

genre: angst / slowburn(?)

content: slight curses / wedding day / bestfriend haechan

word count: 3.3k

summary: it's donghyuck's wedding day ㅡ a day you both realize that being selfish was sometimes needed in life

i actually don't know how to tag this or anything. it's my first time writing in this platform. hehe <3 I'm not that good of a writer as well. I just... really wanted to atleast write my ideas. 🥺

The boy in front of you, no ㅡ the man in front of you gave you a warm yet a weak smile... which you return of course, looking into his eyes with love and regret and happiness, all at the same time.

Lee Donghyuck stood there in front of you, all in his beautiful glory wearing a black suit with his hair styled in perfection. His eyes shined and his sun-kissed skin glowed with the sun shining directly at him through the wide, transparent window. You’ve always thought it was weird yet so fascinating how he had always been such a perfect representation of the sun.

Bright, Positive, Hopeful... yet sometimes too hot and irritating.

No matter what it was, he always had a special place in your heart. He was your bestest friend after all... your top confidant, your ~bitch~ who's ready to argue with another bitch for you - he said.

In fact, he's too special that at this very moment, it made you weak and heartbroken.

The two of you stood far away from all the guests in the venue of his own wedding... taking advantage of the remaining time before his wedding coordinator call him out to prepare.

"I still can't believe it" Donghyuck said, sighing.

"I know", looking back at him through your gleaming eyes.

"I really don't want to go through it"

"I know" You said again and both of you chuckled, though, it wasn't really a happy one. "It's for your family"

Donghyuck sighed. He didn't have anything to say about that. He knew it all too well too and he didn't like it at all. Who, in their right minds, would like to be in an arranged marriage just to save your family's business? not him of course.

"Cheer up, okay? Jisoo is an amazing girl, you'll catch feelings soon" You said and gave him a weak pat on his shoulder and a weak smile.

Donghyuck grabbed your hand and brought it down to play with it. He looked down at it and had a look of which you cannot explain... you hoped it was regret.

Regret because he wouldn't be able to be with you, go on trips with you, movie marathon nights, stargazing, random dinners and maybe... just maybe, ask you to be his... but no, you know it was a one-sided love for you. Everyone around you, even your and his guys friends said it wasn't... but you just don't believe it.

"I don't think I'll ever catch feelings for her" Donghyuck said. A sigh escaping his lips again as he looked up and caught your gaze.

"Why not?"

"She's... different" He said and bit his lip. "I just know she's not the one for me. she's not my soulmate."

You shook your head with a chuckle. You took your hand away from him and gave him a teasing push. "Now when did you - Lee Donghyuck - start believing in soulmates? you used to tease me a lot for it!"

"Hey, I really did think you were ridiculous for believing in such things!" He said and smiled, but just like any other smiles that day... it immediately turned into a sad one. "Until I had to experience this arrange marriage shit"

Your smile fell. "Hyuck..."

Keeping the eye contact with you, Donghyuck leaned on the glass window and took your hand again. It was comforting for him. You were the comfort he always had and will always want.

"I just-" Donghyuck started but was cut off when he heard his name. He turned his head to the voice, not letting go of your hand.

"Donghyuck, you need to go for a solo shot and prepare by the aisle" His friend, Johnny, appeared together with Yuta, Your brother’s best friend.

"I-" Donghyuck started but sighed and looked at your eyes again. You were so sure his emotions mirrored yours. It showed sadness, pain, and regret, but then there’s always a voice in your head doubting it.

"I'll see you at the altar?"

You wished he meant another thing. But reality is a hard pill to swallow.

You bit your lip to stop saying anything else. You didn't speak as you felt your throat started to feel heavy and clogged, your eyes gleaming, and your heart breaking. The end of your adventures with Donghyuck was nearing. Today, it was the end.

The both of you looked into each other's eyes and it felt like you were carrying the world on your shoulders. You didn't answer his question, instead you gave him a weak smile and squeezed his hand one last time. "You're gonna be okay"

Donghyuck swallowed down what he wanted to say and just nodded. He looked down at your hands and played with your fingers. He gave your hand a squeeze too before letting go. He looked at Johnny and walked over to him. "Let's go then"

"Alright" Johnny nodded and Donghyuck went ahead. Johnny gave you a sad smile which you returned. "I'll stay here for a bit" Yuta said and waved at Donghyuck and Johnny who were walking away.

Donghyuck turned his head back one last time, giving you a look. There it was again. Sadness and regret. He wanted to stop time more than ever and not go through this damned wedding.

You smiled at him and gave him a pretentious thumbs up.

When they were far enough, Yuta scoffed. "I can't believe you're fucking letting him go just like that"

"He's not mine to keep" You said and took out a letter from your pouch. You handed it to Yuta and smiled. He shook his head as he also took out a plane ticket from his coat pocket. The two of you exchanged items.

"Here, I was able to get you one that leaves in exactly 30 minutes. Your brother took care of your luggages already" Yuta said as he handed it to you. "My sister already got the keys of your new home there. No one knows the location of it, not even me, not even your brother... it's just you and her"

"Thank you, Yuta" You said and sighed.

"Are you sure about this? He's gonna be really sad when he doesn't see you walking down the aisle with his best man" Yuta said, knowing full well that Donghyuck specifically asked and made special arrangements that you walk down the aisle with his best man, Renjun. You were his best friend after all.

"It's better than him seeing me sad and in tears while walking... it's better than seeing him get married to someone else" You said and started to walk away, Yuta walking beside you as he accompany you back to the now empty changing rooms.

You stopped by the door and sighed. "I'll see you around then?"

Yuta scoffed. "Around? You won't even let my sister tell me where you're living. I just want to atleast make sure it's safe. Osaka is big."

You laughed and said a quiet sorry. There was comfortable silence after that and you heard Yuta sigh again for the nth time.

"I don't get you two... all of this could've been solved if you just confessed to each other.” He shook his head and looked into your eyes. “The lovey dovey eyes you give each other is very much known to every one. The frustration and sexual tension when we're all out drunk in clubs and parties are hard to miss. The hand holding, the skinship, the smile, the genuine care the two of you give each other daily should be in a fucking book of world records... and yet here you are, avoiding him and his-"

"He doesn't feel the same" You cut him off.

"Yes he does! What are the two of you so afraid of!" Yuta said, frustrated and running his hands through his hair. "If you two are just honest with your feelings, then you don't have to go out of the country to avoid this shit"

"Yuta..."

He sighed again. Understanding the dilemma. Even if it was obvious, no one knew what Donghyuck actually felt for you. Yuta gave up. "Fuck it. I'll just miss you. The guys will miss you. All of us are frustrated as fuck because of you two"

"I'm sorry" You whispered and looked down.

"Hey, I- damn it. Come here" Yuta said and pulled you in for a hug. "Take care, alright? Take all the time you need to forget... take all the time you need. I'm sorry"

The moment Yuta hugged you, the tears you've been holding back fell... and you sobbed in his embrace.

You really did want to stay.

To have more fun with them and Donghyuck.

To be able to hug them like this and Donghyuck.

You really did want to tell Donghyuck how much you loved him... but it wasn't easy. You just didn't want to be that selfish, especially when his family's business was in the brink of falling and this was the only thing left to do. Even your own family business can't help them.

"Shh... it's okay... you'll be fine. everything's gonna be fine" Yuta said as he lightly pat you on your back in his embrace.

Donghyuck was fidgeting when the music started.

First of all, he was getting married.

Second, he didn't want to be here.

and third, he just wanted to escape and bring you with him.

but he didn't want to be selfish. it was his family after all.

Donghyuck looked around, finding the pair of eyes that gave him comfort even though he knew you weren't gonna be in the crowd. In fact, he made sure you're gonna be walking down the aisle with Renjun... and even though he wanted to see you walking down the aisle in another situation, this was better than not seeing you at all.

He caught the sight of Jeno and Jaemin in the crowd and they gave him a small nod. Beside them was his other friends including Yuta. He gave them a smile but some of them bit their lip and gave him a familiar sad smile he's been sporting since morning.

Everyone was looking back at the doors to open and reveal the special people in his life, plus the bride. It was taking too long and Donghyuck bit his lip in nervousness.

Finally, after a few second, the doors opened only to reveal Renjun who looked slightly in panic and was walking over to him in a fast pace.

"Oh no... did the bride runaway?" Donghyuck heard someone from the crowd whisper and he felt somewhat weird about it. How was he supposed to feel if she really did?

"Donghyuck!!! " Renjun whispered, alarmed, as he reached the front of the aisle. All eyes on him, including the music players, and the priest.

"What's happening?" Donghyuck whispered back.

"Y/N's missing!" Renjun said, a panicked look in his eyes.

"What? What are you talking about?" Donghyuck said, eyes wide open.

"I swear we looked everywhere. The changing rooms, bathrooms, the garden, the parked cars... everywhere! she's gone! Her phone cannot be reached." Renjun said and Donghyuck's father who was nearby heard the information.

"Let's start without Y/N, Donghyuck. I'm sure she's just around and will be here in a moment. She supports you." His father said, attempting to calm him down.

"No! This will not start without her!" Donghyuck argued.

"Donghyuck, c'mon..." His father said, knowing all too well it was impossible to argue with him when it came to you. Even his parents were very much aware of you two.

"I'll look for her" Donghyuck said, about to get out from where his standing but his bride's mother was already at his side, gripping his arm.

"Start now, Donghyuck!" She hissed with a threat.

He was about to answer back when Donghyuck, in his peripheral view, saw Yuta stand up and walked out. Yuta was the last person with you. Maybe he has an idea of your whereabouts.

Donghyuck pushed her arm away. "Just give me two fucking minutes, okay?"

The women gave him a stern look and Donghyuck's father apologized in his behalf. He then walked through the aisle, Renjun following him behind while trying to avoid the eyes and whispers echoing the venue.

Donghyuck passed by all the other people standing outside - his entourage totally unaware of the situation - and ignored their calls.

"Donghyuck, man? why are you here? You should be inside"

"Donghyuck?"

"Bro, what's wrong?"

"Yuta!" He called out and the man stopped and looked back.

"Shit" Yuta cursed.

"Where's Y/N?" Donghyuck asked.

Yuta turned to look at him and scratched his head. "Uhh-"

"Donghyuck, what's happening?" A girl's voice said and Donghyuck froze. He turned back and saw the girl he was supposed to marry, all beautiful and dressed up.

"Y/N's missing" Renjun said and sighed as he answered Jisoo's question.

"Oh... she's supposed to walk with you, right?" She asked and Renjun nodded.

Donghyuck turned his head back to Yuta. "You're the last person who was with her? Where is she?"

"Uh... fuck it" Yuta said and brought out the envelope from his coat. "Here. I'm supposed to give it to you during reception but fuck it. You and Y/N are impossible!"

"What's this?" Donghyuck asked as he grabbed the letter.

"Just fucking read it!" Yuta said and sighed. He looked over at Jisoo who was confused.

Haechan hesitated for a second but opened the letter.

To my sunshine,

Hey.

How's the married life? ㅎㅎ

I know, I know. It's only been a few hours. Stop calling me dramatic in your annoying little head. ㅎㅎ

Yuta probably gave this to you already, right? I'm sorry if I wasn't there at your wedding. I know I promised you I'll be there until the end but just this time... I let myself be selfish.

Donghyuck sighed and tried his best to calm down.

Did you know...

These past few months of preparation.... no... this whole year since your wedding announcement have been the saddest and darkest moment of my life? My sun who has always been shining beside me was slowly being taken away from me.

Donghyuck... I...

I like you.

No.

I LOVE YOU.

Donghyuck paused and suddenly, he can't breathe. Suddenly, his whole body felt weak. Did he read that right?

I don't know when it started.

I don't know how it happened.

but it has been there for a while now and I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be your best friend, yet I kept this secret from you.

I love you so much.

Even the smallest of things that you do for me makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I started seeing you as a man I loved instead of the boy who always annoyed me and always took me wherever he goes.

Your simple texts of good morning, your annoying surprise visits in my room, your simple way of buying me my coffee before morning classes, buying me smoothies, taking my books from my hands when it's too heavy, driving me to my library visits, microwaving the popcorn during our marathons, taking off your gloves right away when I don't have them, and even when telling me I look ugly when I try on your stupid adidas caps but telling me I look beautiful without it.

I've always wanted to tell you but I don't want to risk what we have. I don't want to lose you.

But let me be selfish just this once.

I love you and I know after this, our friendship will never be the same... but this will hurt less than pretend to be okay and see you everytime with Jisoo.

I'm going somewhere else to try and forget. I'll be away for a while.

Please don't try to look for me.

Even though Yuta, Johnny, and my brother Taeyong knows I'm going to Japan... they do not know where my actual home will be.

So please let me forget.

Even though it's hard since we've basically been together since we were 5, I'll still try my best.

If I can love you this much, then I'm sure I can undo it, right?

Take care of Jisoo, alright? she's a nice girl. I'm sure you'll find her good traits and fall in love.

Bye Hyuck.

"Fuck" Donghyuck cursed as he crumpled the paper in his shaking hands. Tears starting to form in his eyes.

"She left a while ago. When you left her with me, she only had 30 minutes before her flight." Yuta said and looked down at his wristwatch. "Just 3 minutes and her flight leaves... She told me to find her a flight that you won't be able to catch up"

Donghyuck gripped the paper tightly in his hand with anger and sadness and regret. "And you let her!? You fucking let her do that?"

Yuta sighed at the curses of the younger guy, but he let it slide this time. "She's my friend too Donghyuck. She's Taeyong's sister... I cherish her a lot too. And as much as I want her to stay here, you both suck at expressing your feelings and I don't like to see her hurt"

"She's in love with you, you know... and I know you're madly in love with her too"

Donghyuck looked at Jisoo in shock as she spoke. "What?"

"It's pretty obvious for everyone, Donghyuck. The two of you are so caught up with the fear of losing each other and what you have if you confess... but look! not confessing just took the both of you here" Jisoo softly said and frowned.

"You knew I liked her?" Donghyuck asked.

"Yeah. I'd know how someone would look at the person they love. Especially since I've given the same look to someone else" Jisoo said, momentarily looking at someone and Donghyuck missed who it was, too distracted.

Donghyuck swallowed in the information. The paper in his tight grip felt heavy. He always thought the two of you were too close and too comfortable with each other to just be bestfriends. He always thought you felt the same but there were times where it was doubtful.

"Go after her!" Jisoo said, cheerfully.

"What?" Donghyuck's eyes widened.

"No one knows where she'll be" Yuta said, reminding her of that fact.

"Doesn't mean you have to let it stay that way" Jisoo said, countering what Yuta had informed. Encouraging her supposed to be husband.

"What about this?" Donghyuck asked, pointing at all of the decorations and the eyes of the entourage staring at both of them. “You’re supposed to be stopping me, Jisoo.”

"I'll handle it" Jisoo whispered, patting his shoulder and pushing him away. "Go!" She cheered enthusiastically and shooed him away.

Confused but happy, Donghyuck smiles at his supposed to be wife that was pushing him away. "I'm sorry Jisoo, you're gonna be all over the news as the heir and bride who got left behind"

"Pfft! That's gonna be funny to look back to in the future! Atleast it’s not divorce! Don't worry about it, now go! Take whatever steps you have to find Y/N!" Jisoo giggled and waved at him.

Donghyuck smiled at her one last time and looked down at the paper in his hand. He looked back up at Yuta who had a sheepish smile.

"Guess I'm going to your country, Nakamoto" Donghyuck said and smiled at his older friend.

Yuta gave him his signature smile back.

Donghyuck turned back and walked out of the venue.

Even though he wasn't sure where to find you once you land in Japan, he was more than willing to do anything just to be with you and tell you just how much he loves you back... even more than you could ever imagine.

This time, he’ll be selfish and think of only you and him.

Thank you for reading hehe.

I hope to post more stories soon! <3

#haechan #haechan au #haechan angst #nct #nct127 #nct dream #donghyuck x reader #nct donghyuck #haechan scenarios #nct haechan #best friend

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guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom · 4 years

Text

Hell and Back Pt.1

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Language, drug use, mentions of death/the dead, parental neglect, mentions of selling hard drugs, brief mention of drugging, self deprecating thoughts, near death.

Word Count: 4.5k

Songs: Trouble Dont Last Always- Rev Timothy Wright, Violent- carolesdaughter, Feel Better- Penelope Scott, Kids- Current Joys, Never (feat. O_super)- Mag.Lo, Weary- Solange, Sleepwalk (Remastered 2010) Santo & Johnny, Dark Red- Steve Lacy, Glitter- 070 Shake.

“‘I wish I could be a religious person. They always seem so happy and carefree. To be able to put that much trust into something or someone. I know you were never religious but your family was. My family isn’t really all that religious but they did always feel like prayer could solve all. I’d been praying my whole life and not one had ever been answered. All my family is a bunch of hypocrites and sinners, but hey hate the sin not the sinner right? Ha yeah right.”

A/N: The part two of this chapter should be out soon and there was only two proof reads sorry for any mistakes.

Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

October 13th

‘Dear Rose, This is stupid, this shit is for white people. Wait let me try again.’

I ripped the paper in half. I was trying to do that thing where you write letters to dead people to help you get over their deaths or whatever. I never had a diary and I felt stupid doing this in the first place so it was definitely hard.

I was sitting in one of the queen-sized beds of the hotel room with an empty college-ruled notebook. I heard Bri and MJ go down to get breakfast, but I pretended to be asleep, I wasn’t hungry.

I’d already ripped three pages out but, I was going to do this, I started it and I wasn’t gonna back out now.

‘So I don’t really know why I’m doing this but I miss you, like a lot. I cried last night. For like the first in at least 6 months. I don’t know why I felt that was important, but it was relieving. I’m in the fanciest hotel I’ve ever stayed (legally) at right now. You’d like it. It's just a Marriott but it’s pretty big. I don’t know if I believe in heaven (or a God even), but I truly hope you’re there right now. I know I’m probably not going if it is real. If it is I know you and my mom and everyone else is there and I just don’t want earth to be the last time I saw y’all. I just feel ungrateful because I’m not happy. I’m not happy to be where I am right now. I know I’m better off than almost everyone else in Melrose but I didn’t earn my spot. I lied and cheated my way to where I am.

I remember that one argument we had. The biggest one back when you first started selling. I had the audacity to get mad at you for just trying to provide for your family. Then became everything I despised. I was trying to look back on the “good days”. Which was depressing because looking back at what we thought were goods days were just days that weren’t terrible.

At least when you were selling you never lost yourself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just feel burnt out.

Yesterday me and Bri were fooling around in the hotel which was fun so I guess that’s good. I’m tryna stick to the positives of my day. Another good thing was that I found one of Jay’s hoodies in my bag . It’s pretty comfortable. I miss him too. I’m trying not to think about all the people I’ve lost because that list could go on for eternity. I might do this again, I don’t know it doesn’t feel so stupid anymore. I’m burning this note though. I know you always said no one lives forever but why’d you have to go so soon, the good ones always do. If there’s truly life after death tell my mom I love her for me and I love you too.

Sincerely Y/N,’

October 14th 9:03am

‘I wish I could be a religious person. They always seem so happy and carefree. To be able to put that much trust into something or someone. I know you were never religious but your family was. My family isn’t really all that religious but they did always feel like prayer could solve all. I’d been praying my whole life and not one had ever been answered. All my family is a bunch of hypocrites and sinners, but hey hate the sin not the sinner right? Ha yeah right.

I remember Ms. Williams with that stupid “Shoot for the moon and if you miss at least you’ll be among the stars” poster. It was tacky and we were always making fun of it. I never realized how much it bothered me until now though. I’d say I have selective memory if I have any memories at all, but that poster is seared into my mind. I think it might be because I felt like it was mocking me because she knew goddamn well none of us were making it out this city. Let alone ever getting anywhere near the stars. Now, I was the closest to the stars and out of everyone who could've been here it was me. The person who deserves it the least.

Sincerely Y/N,’

October 14th 8:57pm

‘I think the reason I’m still doing this letter thing is because I don’t wanna stop missing you because missing you was better than feeling nothing. I don’t truly think I do anymore. Which sounds bad, but I just mean I’ve gone through the grieving process which I guess means, it’s time to let you go. I’ve never actually gone through a full grieving process without someone else dying in the middle of it. I read this thing once about people having favorite people or a favorite person and I think that was you for me. It means you basically can’t function without that person and when they're not around it makes your emotions go crazy. I don’t really want to say goodbye cause I miss the feeling of you in my life, but when it comes down to it I don’t remember it much. So I guess this is the final goodbye.

Love Y/N, ’

I was getting really fucking tired of Thorn. I was getting tired of Y/N L/N too. Why couldn’t I just exist. I don’t wanna have to be anyone. I just wanna get high and eat fruit snacks damn. but I could never have what I want could I.

I was sitting under some storage containers in a warehouse with all these old white men working on weapons and shit. Waiting for Vulture to come in. He flew into the warehouse I could almost see the anger, radiating off of him before he stepped out of the wings. He looked oddly familiar, if I hadn’t killed off all my brain cells I probably would have made the connection sooner but it got made and that’s all that matters.

The Vulture was Liz’s dad.

This is a fact I could and would be using to my advantage. I pulled out my backup phone and snapped a couple pictures of the people around me as a torn up van pulled up.

A man hopped out and Liz’s dad immediately started yelling at the man about something. He seemed to think it was funny though. Like he was high on adrenaline or something. I caught the words Avengers. Then something about Shocker and getting fired. I’m guessing the Shocker had the same idea as me to tell his family about his business. He picked up the closest weapon and fired it at the man. He instantly crumbled to the floor in ashes. That was nasty as hell.

Now these weapons are wayyyy more dangerous than I thought. He stormed out after bestowing another man the title of Shocker. Then it was only me and the guy working on some weird weapon left. I walked over to him and knocked him out. Taking the anti gravity gun with me and some shiny thing I thought looked cool I placed a tracker with a camera and mic on the Vulture suit before leaving.

That was about two weeks ago. Now, here I was, on the back of the truck of some random company following Vulture around like a lost dog. I should be back at the hotel right now, but I’ve never been known to do what I was supposed to.

He was talking to someone about a plan to steal more fuel for these weapons.

I was hiding behind a dumpster and I accidentally hit something on my way to leave.

I know he saw me.

Fuck.

I didn’t have time to think I was just running and running. I didn’t even realize I was practically hyperventilating until I made it back to the hotel. I didn’t have the key to my room. I must’ve dropped it somewhere.

I dropped it because I’m a dumb fuckup who’s gonna get herself and everyone else killed because I could never do anything right. I’d be better off dead.

I knew Bri and MJ were asleep and I didn’t wanna wake them up. I was sitting by the door trying to keep myself from going into a full blown anxiety attack. I pulled the hood of Jay’s hoodie over my head and pulled my legs up to my chest.

I think I might’ve drifted off for a second because I opened my eyes and Peter was standing over me looking concerned.

“What?” I asked sitting up.

“It’s just,” He brought his hand up to his forehead in confusion “Why are you on the floor? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine, what are you doing up?”

“I was just walking around,”

That wasn’t a very clear answer. Suspicious.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Your eyes are puffy,”

“I’m fine, probably just allergies,” He hummed like he didn’t believe my answer.

“You can go back to your room now,” I added since he was still standing there staring at me.

“You still never answered my question on why you were sitting out here on the floor,”

I just ignored him and pulled the hood back over my face.

He slid down on the floor next to me.

“I’m not leaving until you answer me,”

I didn’t feel like talking and honestly? I didn’t want him to leave.

I turned to face him before saying

“Looks like you’re gonna be here for a while then,”

I ended up telling him eventually and he offered to let me stay in his room saying Ned wouldn’t mind. I was too tired to decline the offer.

“Y/N,” I was awakened by Peter shaking my shoulder.

“Hmm?” I hummed.

“You gotta get up,”

I rolled my eyes and pulled the throw blanket back over my head. I would have flipped over but I probably would’ve fell off the couch.

“Everyone else is already at breakfast c’mon,”

He pulled the blanket off of me reeling back when he brushed against my skin.

“Y/N, you’re burning up,”

“Mhm hm,” I hummed again turning onto my side.

“I’m being serious Y/N get up,”

“Ugh, fine” I exclaimed sitting up.

“Do you feel sick?” He asked, touching my forehead again.

“I feel fine,” I said pushing his hand away. “Thank you for letting me stay here but, you seriously need to learn to stop being so repetitive,”

I went downstairs where everyone else was eating breakfast and let MJ and Bri know I was okay.

Now it’s really fucking stupid to smoke pre-rolls if you don’t want to be drugged but last night when I was watching out for Vulture someone offered them to me. Perks of pretty privilege I guess. MJ was all of my impulse control and she wasn’t with me so I smoked it.

And when I tell you this shit was strong I mean it was strong. I have a high tolerance when it comes to weed because I smoke a lot but this hit hard. Surprised I wasn’t shaking. Maybe I was.

Normally you don’t get full body highs from smoking. It’s usually edibles that do that but this wow. Couldn’t tell if this was Indica or Sativa. I thought it was Indica at first but I had too much energy for that. Maybe it was a hybrid if so, that’d explain the fog over my brain.

I wasn’t thinking clearly I knew I shouldn’t get any closer to Peter than I already was, but I was bored.

Now we were on top of some middle school jumping the roofs. I'm pretty sure he was only here because he wanted to keep tabs on me since he found me on the verge of a panic attack last night and currently thinks I’m sick.

“Are you sure this is safe?” He asked.

“Yes it’s safe, don’t be a pussy,” I rolled my eyes “Besides I do it all the time,”

“So you go to D.C and jump to different roofs of a middle school all the time?”

“You know what I meant smartass,” I elbowed him lightly and he laughed.

I laid on my back and shortly after he joined me.

“How do they get shirts so soft,”

“What?”

“I said how do they get shirts so soft,” I sat up.

“I don’t know probably lots of thr-”

“C’mon let’s go down there,” I interrupted pointing at the building before hopping down. Running through the mall looking through almost every store I’d spent about $1,000 just shopping for everyone who came to mind. Eventually I walked into Zumiez with Peter trailing behind me. I was looking at the hoodies by the skateboard rack.

“I always wanted a skateboard as a kid,” He said coming up behind me.

“Pick one,” I nodded my head towards the rack of decks. “I’ll get it for you,”

“ I can’t let you do that,” He said.

“No, I insist,” I laughed at my word choice “That’s a fancy word” I laughed and he laughed too “No but for real, pick a deck and I’ll buy it for you,” He shook his head “I’m not leaving until you do,” I turned his words from the earlier night onto him.

“Fine,” he sighed walking back over to the shelf.

After picking the rest of the accessories for the board he said.

“I still have no idea how to ride it,”

And with me still not thinking I said

“Ok then I’ll teach you,”

We headed back out the mall but not before I got a diamond chain because why the hell not. We were about to get on a train to head back until I interjected.

“Wait,” I grabbed his arm. “Come with me,”

“Are you sure this is safe?” He asked as we sat under the bridge that the train runs over.

I laughed at his nervousness.

“I do this all the time and I'm still here, aren’t I? Don’t be a pussy,”

Waiting for the next train coming over I put on a song that's been stuck in my head for a while. Weary by Solange. I didn’t realize I was singing along until he complimented my voice.

“You should sing more often, you have a really nice voice.”

“Shh” I hushed feeling my heats heating up at the compliment. Soon I felt the train coming “Just live,”

I leaned back on my elbows and closed my eyes. I guess this was some form of therapy. The rumbling of the tracks traveled through my body. It would’ve been loud but I’ve picked up the ability to block out noises I don’t want to hear on command. After the train passed the sun was already setting. I figure I might as well get food. This would classify as the first real meal I’ve eaten in awhile. I’ve heard of people not being able to eat unless high which I never thought would or could happen to me. Right next to the restaurant we ate at. There was a 7/11. I’m not sure how many people know this but almost every night shift employee at 7/11 is a plug.

“Can you hold my bags real quick?” I asked.

He nodded so I let him know I’d be back quickly and I had to go to the bathroom

I did not.

The employee I ran into proved my earlier statement.

He had about 10 mg of adderall and some xans. I wasn’t really planning on taking the xans, maybe I’d just sell them. I went back and forth adderall because it’d enhance my brain function instead of actually producing a high. I got two slushies and some other bottled soft

drinks.

I put the key up to the door then slowly opened it. They were on the couch and looked up at me when they heard the door open. If I knew they weren’t gonna be mad at me for just leaving and not telling anyone, I’d actually be happy because Bri was getting along with my friends.

“So where’d you go?” MJ asked.

“I just went out mom,” I replied, sitting on the dresser by the door.

“Well you clearly went shopping,” Bri said.

“Yeah and?” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry I had a babysitter,” I rolled my eyes again. “You know you can come in right?” I referred to Peter who was still standing by the door.

He moved in, still not moving any farther than the bathroom door. I moved to close the door behind him before sitting on the bed closest to me.

She moved closer to me and looked into my face.

“Are you high right now?” She asked gazing into my eyes.

“Really?” I asked incredulously “No I’m not, and fuck you, now I’m not gonna give you your shit,”

“No! I’m sorry,” She said and I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking onto my face “What’d you get me?” She made grabby hands at the bags.

I handed her the one from Hot Topic.

“There’s a whole buncha stuff in there but…” I reached into the bag and took out the socks with weed plants on them. “These,” I held them up to her. “These are mine,”

“Alright weirdo,” she said looking through the bag. I went to go over to MJ but Bri grabbed my arm.

“Hey where are you getting the money for this?” She asked in a hushed voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” I waved her off.

I got MJ at least 7 books from a series she was reading and Peter said he had to go back to his room.

I was watching a movie on Bri’s phone while MJ started reading her book.

We heard a knock on the door.

I gave Bri a look that said I’ll get it. Then pushed off the bed. It was Liz.

“Hi,”

“Hey,”

“Me and some other kids are going to go down to the pool, so we were wondering if you wanna come?”

“Yeah just gimme a second I’ll be down,”

I ended up convincing Bri to come with me because I didn’t want it to be awkward.

It was nice. The pool I mean. There was a slight breeze and pretty much the whole team was there. Minus MJ, Ned, and Peter.

I didn’t really think about getting my hair wet. People were playing games toward the end of the pool. Bri was halfway in and halfway out on her phone.

I was floating on my back. It was as if I was drifting down a long river with my eyes closed. The breeze over my body pushing me along. There was a heavy weight on my back that had been building since birth, but the water took a hold of that weight for me.

I just lied there on my back floating and breathing.

Things were peaceful at the pool. They however were not back at the room.

I could not sleep. Believe me I tried. I looked through my bag with “everything” I brought. It wasn’t much since I hadn’t been home in a long time. However I did pack that cart I had in class a while back.

I was scrolling through Tiktok and remembered it was still next to me. I made a tiktok to that one audio with the whistles where you ghost the vapors on each whistle because I thought it looked cool and I can do whatever I want on my account.

I don’t know how long it’d be but I finally felt my eyes fall shut for the night.

When I woke up it was weird because I was already at the decathlon. I’d already been working on whatever problem it was that’d we’d gotten, but I didn’t need to because MJ had already gotten us the answer and we’d won.

I should’ve been more excited.

Why wasn’t I excited?

You couldn’t tell I wasn’t as happy as I made myself seem. I had become quite the little actress over the years and by actress I meant liar, I’m really good at lying.

I didn’t realize Peter was missing until we’d gotten on the bus to go to the Washington Monument.

“Hey,” MJ waved her hand in my face “You okay? You’re doing that thing where you scratch your inner arm, and you only do that when somethings on your mind.”

She placed her hand on mine to stop me

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing much like you said just thinking,”

“About?”

“Everything,” I didn’t want to tell her what I was really thinking about because things would get real awkward real quick.

MJ just wouldn't drop it though.

“There’s clearly something bothering you so just tell me what it is you can tell me anything,”

“I just told you,” I sighed.

“Tell me what you’re really thinking about,”

“Death,” I looked at her, who looked back at me, “There, you happy with your answer now?”

“No,” She said and I looked at her knowing it was a look of exasperation. “Who’s death?” She asked.

“Mine,”

“What about your death?”

“Just wondering if it’d be painful,”

“Oh,”

“Yeah,”

When we pulled up Bri was standing by MJ, she didn’t want to go into the tower because of it being built by slaves. I understood that I didn’t really want to go either but my feet were moving on their own accord.

I could’ve fallen asleep right then and there on that elevator. It was if my brain was checking in and out all day.

I might've. I don’t know. The rip off police officer was saying something but it all sounded like gibberish to me.

I closed my eyes and leaned on Liz’s shoulder. She patted my head and went back to whatever she was doing. Then there was an audible snap.

Followed by a jerk of the elevator.

My shot open and I looked up at the ceiling and there was a circle of singed metal.

“We’re all gonna die here,” The kid who I believe's name is Abe claimed.

And for my sake I pretended I didn’t hear him.

Everyone staring up at the ceiling, another student said.

“We’re freaking screwed,”

To think I was just thinking about death less than an hour ago and here I was about to taste the sweet kiss of it.

“I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working,” The police officer said.

Yeah fucking right that’s what they all say. They just didn’t want us to panic but that’s exactly what I was doing. Panicking.

“We are very safe in here,” she added. That's what they say seconds before everyone dies.

The trap door above the elevator opened and everyone began to move again. I could feel the elevator shaking again. No way was I gonna move and risk snapping the cords.

I was gonna die here.

Most of the team had gotten out already. Then it was Flash’s turn and he just had to put the fucking trophy up with the rest of everyone. The elevator fell farther as he got out. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. My brain power wasn’t stronger than my muscles. I couldn’t will them to do what I needed them to.

Something hit the ground above us and the elevator was free falling.

It stopped second after we were launched to the ground then low and behold Spider-man

I swear it was like he was stalking me. I’d be kinda freaked out if I didn’t know he was Peter.

When he spoke it was in a very poor accent.

He was telling Ned not to move because he was shaking the elevator.

He pulled the metal death box up to the doors and Mr. Harrington, Ned, then Liz got out.

Spider-man or “Peter” said something but I couldn’t make out what exactly I was still trying to process everything.

Then the elevator was falling, I reached out towards Spiderman but wasn’t close enough to reach him.

A web caught my arm but I was still hanging.

Until I wasn’t. My feet were planted on the ground but my brain was moving too fast for me to keep up.

“Y/N?” My shoulder was being shaken.

“Yeah huh?” I said trying to locate and place an identity to the voice it was Bri.

“I was asking you if you needed a ride home,”

Oh yeah she didn't know.

“Uh I don’t know maybe,”

“Alright…” She said turning back over to whoever she was talking to this time.

Since I was the one to almost fall they wanted to check me out in one of the ambulances.

Which I do not trust at all.

The whole medical field is a giant scam so is insurance, ask MJ she’ll tell you.

Once we’d gotten back to the school. Everyone’s parents were all freaking out over them and asking if they were okay. Majority of everyone had already left. Peter had his Aunt. MJ had her parents. Ned has his dad. Bri had her dad. Everyone has someone.

Well almost everyone.

Flash was still waiting too. With Mr. Harrington off in the distance.

Then there were two

I moved over and sat down on the curb next to him.

“You got no one either huh?” I asked.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” Fair enough. The hostility was understandable. I did punch him in the face less than a week ago.

I kept talking though.

“My dad never picks me up from anything either. “ I didn’t really want him to but he could’ve at least asked while I was still living at that apartment and now he expects me to come back like it’s nothing.

A car pulled up and some random white guy who was probably a chauffeur picked up Flash.

Then there was one

I wanted to go home but I had no home.

I guess I had one home in the cemetery. Everyone I love leaves me. That’s something I learned over the years. It applies to many and the sooner you learn that the easier life will be for you. I hadn’t been back here in the longest. I’d normally just show up and clean the graves of the people who I’d known closely.

This was embarrassing but sometimes I’d talk to my mom. Today was one of those days I sent. I stayed talking to my mom and Rose so much for stopping the letters which I did for way longer than I thought I would.

I was already in my old neighborhood and before I knew it I was at my “house”.

I really didn’t mean to come home. I just did before I could stop myself.

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #reader x peter parker #Peter Parker x Vigilante!Reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker x bi!reader #peter parker x bisexual!reader #poc reader x peter parker #peter parker x poc reader #peter parker x thorn #spiderman x villian #thorns prick

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julessworldd · 4 years

Text

Cheerleader and the future rockstar

Warnings: cussing, there’s a jock being an ass talking about the Oc in a gross, sexual way. arguing a little.

A/N: I don’t know much about Izzy’s family life, like his mom and brothers name. I think the one I had is right for his younger brother. And what year he finished high school, bare with me. Oc’s home life is sorta sucky even though she’s the rich cheerleader. she’s not snobby at all like the sterotype everyone has about cheerleaders. I will make a part 2!

@slashscowboyboots @roger-taylors-car @reigns420 @awildkaitlynhasappeared @ginny-rose-sixx @izzysguitar since you liked the post last night about the upcoming fic :)

High school Au of Izzy.. Izzy falls for the cheer captain after, she offers her help on an essay in English. Here's the thing the cheerleader has loved Izzy since he grabbed her from falling down the stairs, sophomore year.

Many know Jeff Isbelle or now Izzy for lots of things. He was the cool, stoner, who was planning on being a rockstar with his buddy, Bill Bailey. To some teachers he was hell on wheels, "The badboy" even though he barely talked. Jocks: Izzy was a creep, just another shadow, stupid stoner who needs to have better life plans. To Judith Channing Izzy was: her crush of two years, wanted to spark a conversation, but her red and black cheer uniform stopped her. Izzy hated the cheer squad because their "Loyalty" to the jocks, they were too happy for his liking at 10 am. Judith remembers when Tommy Lockeler tried to push her down the 3rd floor stairway after, she told him she thought he was nothing but a whore and didn't want to go on a date. Felt like it was yesterday..

I stared at Tommy as he was putting his claim about him being a manwhore. His face got redder and redder by the minute..

"Keith told me you had such a tight pussy, Channing. Wanna let me test his theory out? Probably won't you're just a bitch", Tommy spat back.

"Fuck you, Tommy. You just proved my point right there! God, you're so stup-", I felt the air out of my chest leave as I tumbled backwards into someone's arms. "Whatever", I heard Tommy stomp away. "Hey, hey. You okay?", I heard a soft but gravely voice ask. I opened my eyes to see a tallish boy with medium brown hair, hazel eyes holding me, face with concern. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for not letting me bust my head open, uh?", I said, holding my hands flat on his chest, one hand clutching his Rolling Stones' shirt. "Jeff, but I go by Izzy. Aren't you that Channing girl?", Izzy said, pulling me up, pushing a hair out of my face. "Yeah, I'm Judith. Nice to know my hero's name, Izzy", I blushed. Izzy grinned, "What made Tommy try to commit murder after lunch anyways?" I smoothed out my uniform skirt, "Just the guy I lost my-", I realized what I was about to say to the new guy. "My hat, this summer. Tommy wanted to- '', I said, but Izzy nodded and seemed to understand what my 'hat' actually was.

"Well, Keith needed to keep his mouth shut. Tommy is just an asshole, he's a jock they're all the same'', Izzy grumpled. "Yeah, you're right", I said. "Judith! We're gonna be late to practice, come on!", Erin yelled down the hall. "Thanks again, I appreciate it a lot. See ya around, Izzy", I smiled. "No problem. Have a good practice, Jude", Izzy said, reaching into his jacket pocket for his Malobros. I watched Izzy smirk and skip down each stair, his cute ass bouncing as he went down. "Judith!", Erin yelled again, taking me away from my hero.

Crazy how that's been two years ago, Izzy doesn't recognize me or chose to at least. After that day, I had a big secret crush on the Johnny Thunders of Lafayette. No guy gets me like Izzy does, Izzy barely knows me but he has such a big affect on me. I walked into Mr. Allan's senior english class, there was a seat by the window, behind this dark headed boy. I sat down behind him, judging if I liked this seat. It was close enough to board, not in the very very front, nice view outside. "Oh Mike?", the kid turned around. "Oh, you're not Mike. Hi", I looked up and it was Jeff Isbelle. "No, sorry. Is this seat taken?", I asked as my heartrate rose. "No, he came in for a minute, guess he left before I noticed", Izzy said. "Okay class, let's get started!", Mr. Allan clasped his hands together. Allan was going over what we would be doing in the class before we graduated in June. Same bullshit honestly. Read Shakeperse, write essays, read other dead guys' writings.

Two weeks later, Izzy was still seated in front of me. Making 3rd period class time hell, if you call getting to see his beautiful self plop down everyday. "Alright guys, we finished McBeth and now I'm wanting you to write about how you took the play. I'm asking if you liked the ending, if not write how you would have ended instead. You can use the books, notes we took, even chapter tests I gave back. Due in two weeks", Mr. Allan stated before sitting back at his desk. It was getting close to 4th period, meaning I could leave for the day, no cheer practice today too.

"Hey Judith?", Izzy asked. "Yeah, what's up?", I asked from writing my draft. "Did you keep anything from this unit? I lost my binder", Izzy asked. "Yeah, what do you want?", I smiled. "Notes, I guess. I'm not sure how I wanna write this shitty essay", Izzy grinned. Damn what a beautiful smile. I handed him every note I took on the play, side notes, everything. "Pretty smart for a cheerleader", Izzy said, grabbing my notes. "I liked the play really well, okay?", I fought back. "If you say so, Judith", Izzy turned back around.

I walked in the empty room, well thought it was empty. Izzy was sitting in a desk next to Mr.Allan's desk, "Oh sorry, sir", I started to turn around. "It's okay, Judith. Actually, I need you for something", Mr. Allan smiled. I stood next to Izzy. "With what?", I asked. "Mr. Isbelle said you gave him his notes, the first day I assigned this essay. I'm just wanting to make sure he's not lying is all", Mr. Allan said. "Jeff is telling you the truth, sir. He asked if I still had anything about the play and wanted my notes for a starting point, I guess. You said we could use anything we did for the play", I said, starting to get offended he would assume Izzy stole my notes and wanted to cheat.

"Okay, Judith. Well, since you're here go sit down.", Mr. Allan breathed out, probably embarrassed and a 17 year old girl started him out. The ball rang making Mr.Allan go out for hall duty and talk to other teachers.

"Hey", Izzy said, standing in front of me. "Hi, Jeff", I smiled. "Thanks for backing me up with dickhead. If I tell you this, will you promise me you won't go to practice and gossip about me?", Izzy said clenching his jaw, he looked really hot. "Of course, Jeff. What's up?", I asked, rubbing my thumb over my other hand. "Your notes helped some, but I'm still stuck. Maybe, it's writer's block I need you to help me crap out this dumb essay. Please?", Izzy said. "Yeah, no problem, Jeffrey. I have cheer until 4:45, but I can meet you somewhere after.", I smiled. Izzy stared at me for a second, "Sure, that's cool. I can give you my address, mom's working late."

I pulled up to Izzy's place, couple cars were parked outside. I decided to stay on the side of his street and yard, leaving a place for his mother. Izzy stepped out for a smoke as I got out, pulling my brother's t-shirt down. "Boyfriend's shirt?", Izzy blew out smoke from his lips. "No, brother's actually", I said, slinging my bag on my shoulder more. "Oh. Didn't know you had siblings, you gave me the spoiled only kid vibe", Izzy deadpanned. "No, three older brothers and two younger sisters.", I said, feeling small and embarrassed by Izzy. "My brother is here, just ignore him the best you can. He brought home some hamburgers, if you're hungry.", Izzy said, holding the door open. It was an average, but comfortable home. Pictures of Izzy and his brothers, with their mother lined the walls and a few tables. Tv by the wall, couple couches, chairs. Something wet touch my shein, "Sadie! Down. I'm sorry I thought Kevin set her out.", Izzy started to pull Sadie away by her collar. "She's okay. I have two dogs myself, I'm in her house, she's just checking me out. Yeah, you're a pretty girl", I said, bending down to pet her. "What kind of dogs?", Izzy said, sitting on a chair next to Sadie. "German shepherd, named Phoenix, Golden Retriever, Jagger. Jagger is new she's my baby like Phoenix", I said giggling as Sadie licked my hand. "Cool", Izzy mumbled. "Do you wanna start your essay or let me see what you have? Might not have to even start over", I got up and stood by his chair. "Damn, you're really about that essay", Izzy got up, going where I amused his room.

"Boys, I'm home!", A woman's voice entered the room. "Oh hi, dear. I didn't know Jeff had a girl over.", She smiled. "Yeah, I'm helping him on an english essay. I'm Judith Channing", I got up and grinned. "Channing? Channing? Is your father's name Frank?", She asked. "Yes, that's him", I said. "I went to high school with him, how is he?" "That's nice, uh he's good. Still in Chicago", I said. "Chicago?" "Yeah, business trip", I said, hoping Izzy would dash in or holler for me to come to see his room. "Does Jeff know you're here?", She asked with a worried look. "Yeah, we met outside. He went to his room for his english stuff, guess he fell to China '', I giggled. "Tell me about it, damn boy takes forever. Jeff! Did you forget about Judith? Jeffery Dean!", His mother yelled.

"Mom, hey. Though I told you to come with me, Judith?", Izzy said standing beside me. "How was work, Momma?", Izzy hugged her. "Hi, I'm Kevin and you are?", Kevin, Izzy's younger brother checked me out. "Kev, let her alone she's with me", Izzy said, standing beside me protectively. "You're way way out of my brother's leguage. Hey Mom", Kevin said. "Come on. Holler if you need anything", Izzy grabbed my hand, pulling me with him. He grabbed my bag on the way. "Crack your door, Jeff. I mean it!", his mother yelled. Izzy's room was nice, typical posters, navy blue bed set, desk with papers and pens, small nightstand with a picture of his family, set of records by his recorder player. I slid my shoes off by his desk and sat on the chair. Izzy flopped on his bed, unamused.

"So what did you think about McBeth?", I asked. Izzy shrugged. "Izzy, your perspective is gonna help write this essay. Tell me", I scoffed. "Just a crazy dude that got killed for letting his power go to his side over what a couple hags had to say. I liked when he got ambushed by the people", Izzy sighed, rubbing his hair around. "Okay, see that helps. So,you liked the ending and we can stretch your thought out into five paragraphs", I said, looking for a pencil. "Listen, Judith I'm not in the mood for a stupid play from a dead guy from 400 years ago. Mr.Allan can go fuck himself", Izzy scoffed out. "If you didn't want me over why did you ask for my help. I do have other shit to do, Izzy", I pinched the bridge of my nose. This fucker made me drive half way cross town for this essay. "Then why did accept to come over and help?", Izzy spat back. "I don't know? Probably because I always help people who need help. It's what nice people do anyways", I rolled my eyes.

“Why did I have to ask a smart cheer captain for help?”, Izzy groaned.

“Sorry to break your little stereotype of cheerleaders being dumb and only want to fuck. You know what, Iz? I’m leaving, who cares if you finish the damn essay. Not like you care if you fail or pass, L.A won’t care either way”, I stood by his bed at his nightstand. Izzy stared up at me with confusion. “How do you know wanna go to L.A? I’ve never had a conversation with you before english”, Izzy raised up. “Bill told me you were thinking about if after graduation, he asked my help for math. We have talked before, Izzy. Sophomore year, you caught me from falling to my death after Tommy Lockeler, pushed me down the stairs. You had a Rolling stones shirt on, your hair a little shorter, guess I landed in your arms on a good day.”, I said, with tears in my eyes. “That’s you? No wonder you look familiar besides being a cheerleader. I’m sorry for being a dick, you did come out of your way for me.”, Izzy stood up from his bed. “It’s fine, Izzy. Why don’t you just bullshit it? I’m not feeling too great”, I sighed, walking to his desk for my bag. “Wait. Please don’t leave, I really need your help. I really liked the book and I’m sorta stuck.”, Izzy grabbed my wrist.

“Okay. If I see you slacking I’m out, Isbelle”, I said. “Sit”, Izzy said, pushing his office chair to me. “Thanks”, I smiled. Izzy pushed a hair out of my face, “Sorry, it was bothering me” I blushed, before looking away from him. Izzy chuckled, “Something you hiding from me, Judith?” “Tell you what, if you finish the essay, I’ll tell you what I’m hiding, deal?”, I bit my lip. “Deal”, Izzy smirked. Izzy’s brain was flowing and his hand was scribbling on the paper like he didn’t need me over. “Anndd done”, Izzy said, throwing his pencil in the cup he had on his desk. “Let me read it first”, I grabbed the two pages. “You lied”, Izzy whined. I scanned his paper looking for details of the play, if he had the right grammar, punctuation. “Looks good, Izzy. I’m proud”, I laid the paper down. “Thanks, now tell me why you were blushing?”, Izzy laid his hand on my jean clad thigh. “Do I have to?”, I whined. “I did my part, so it’s your turn, Channing”, Izzy said, not breaking his poker face. “Okay, don’t get mad. I have had a crush on since you caught me that day, at times I’m happy Tommy attempted to murder me that day. You happy?”, I stood from his chair and paced besides his bed. “Judith”, Izzy said.

“Hey, Judith, calm down. I have to tell you something too”, Izzy said, grabbing my hand. “What?”, I asked, scared to death he was gonna kick me out. “I like-”, “Hey dinner is ready”, Kevin opened his door, looking down at our hands. “I better get home, mom’s probably worried.”, I lied, she didn’t give a damn about me and my whereabouts. “Okay, I’ll walk you out”, Izzy said. We reached my car, “Well,thanks for the help. Guess I needed to be forced to write”, Izzy said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “No problem, I liked hanging out with you”, I smiled. Izzy nodded, “Be safe” “Sure thing. Night Izzy”, I said, unlocking my car door. Izzy stood until I turned at the stop sign from his house. I tried to skip school, to avoid the awkwardness between me and Izzy. He got really quiet after his brother barged in yesterday, at least he was nice enough to walk me to the car and waited for me to get on the main road again.

I was headed to lunch but was really wanting to sneak out to my car and drive around for a while. Looking through the glass doors that lead to the front parking lot, I could hear my car whine for me to leave. “Fuck it”, I thought grasping the door and pushed it open. “Where do you think you’re going, missy?”, A deep male voice startled me. I turned around to see Izzy grinning. “Oh it’s just you. Come on, let’s ditch”, I smirked. Izzy nodded and opened the door. We ran down the stairs, to my car, laughing. “Why did you wanna skip? You have a good attendance record?”, Izzy asked, plopping into the passenger seat. “Just ready to leave, school was boring. I don’t have cheer practice today. You?”, I asked, starting the car. ‘Shattered’ The Rolling Stones played quietly. “Same reason as you, just fuck it. Didn’t take you as a Stones fan?”, Izzy smirked as I pulled out of the school parking lot and headed towards town. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me Izzy. My dog is named after Mick Jagger, remember?”, I smirked. Izzy nodded his head to the beat of the song, going through my cassette tape collection.

We got out of my car and went to a pair of swings, Izzy groaned. “What’s the matter, afraid one of the stoners will catch you with the cheerleader?”, I smirked. “No, princess. Just haven’t swung since I was 9”, Izzy grumbled. “Suit yourself, Jeff”, I pushed my legs to swing. “You like cheerleading?”, Izzy asked. “It’s alright”, I said. Izzy lit a cigarette and watched me swing my legs back and forth. Izzy caught me as I slowed down, holding the chain, pulling me close to him. I looked in his hazel eyes, cigarette creeped on his breath. “After, I killed Kevin for bargin in on us last night. I got to thinking, we’re getting closer to graduation. I’m bailing this hoosier state, you’re probably going on to join a sorority at Purdue. I wanna tell you something”, Izzy said, breath fanning my neck. “What is it?”, I whispered. “I like you and wanna know if you’ll be my girl?”, Izzy nipped my bottom earlobe. I pulled him into a kiss, holding his shoulders, “Thought you would never ask, Jeff” Izzy smiled down at me. “And I’m not going to college, Iz. I don’t have to pay to have friends, just so you know. Thinking about going to New York actually”, I whispered. “Wanna join me out west? Don’t go to New York, just cold as Indiana, baby”, Izzy held my waist. “I can do that”, I grinned, kissing his cheek.

#izzy stradlin x reader #izzy stradlin fanfic #highschool au #Oc!reader #Judith Channing

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bythehook · 3 years

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Part One: The Witch

There were plenty of birds on Neverland, but only four native breeds. There was the Talvey bird, named by a narcissist from Liverpool that had come and died on the island long ago; the Dung bird who gladly cleaned up foul droppings; the Duster birds found in the cacti in the scorching Neverland desert lands; and finally the rare Neverbird, whose bright plumage was as unmistakable as it was uncommon. Easy to spot, but devilishly hard to find these days.

As James ran the dull side of his hook along the ornate, gold cage, the Neverbird trembled. It was, in fact, a very young Neverbird. The fully grown fowl were a massive and mightier prey, building nests as wide as a room. Aside from the sorely needed bath in Tulip’s Bathhouse, this was what Hook had come to pick up from the port. Jukes had always been a collector of rare objects, and his plunder had grown tenfold with his brood of adopted brats. They found all sorts, and while most of their findings weren’t worth spit, they sometimes pulled treasures from the island.

Hook had heard tell that the children had discovered an abandoned Neverbird nest and had brought the baby bird home with them. Neverbirds only laid one egg every five years, and so it was a rare occurrence indeed. It was the type of find, Hook hoped, would buy him a cure, or at least an answer to the gory visions he’d been suffering.

His cabin had been scrubbed clean since his last visit to the shore, and incense had been buillowing fragrant smoke about the room all afternoon. James had taken supper in his room, appetite back with a vengeance. Cookson had prepared him a whole roasted hen, cooked apples, seeded bread and butter, rosemary carrots, and a hot johnny cake.

After consuming nearly half of everything, Hook washed his face and abled, comfortably full, to his bedchamber. He lit a lamp and moved forward into the dark, before a voice called out.

“That was quite an exuberant show,” a sickly-sweet voice crooned from his bed. Before Hook could take a defensive stance, a cool snap of the fingers caused all of the candles in the chamber to light.

Helena lay on Hook’s red duvet.

She wore a tattered black lace dress, long necklaces cascading down her breast, and her dozen bangles clacked as she raised her arm in greeting. Her blackened fingers seemed to extend into points, but this was only her black painted nails, and they wriggled like beetles when she waved.

“Hello, Hooky,” she murmured, a wicked smile playing about her lips. “Heard you were looking for me,” she told him, and spread her arms out. “Well, here I am.”

“Yes, I have been.”

“Tsk, liar. You’ve been nowhere near my woods. Afraid of the big, bad wolf, are we? Sending your men out for you?” Shame,” she sighed, leaning back into the down pillows. “I once thought you brave.”

James clenched his jaw together painfully, not wanting to say anything to anger this unpredictable force of a woman.

“Oh dear, I seem to have a struck a tender chord. Well, time is money, as they say. What do you want from me?” There was a look in her eye that hinted that she already knew.

“I believe you might be able to help me. I have been having visions.” James figured to get right to the point.

“What sort of visions?” Helena feigned interest, a cruel lilt in her voice.

It was in this moment that he realized that she, like Queenie appeared spotless. After a moment, a sharp laugh broke through her lips.

“Are they happy visions? Glimpses into the future perhaps?” She asked, a trickle of dark red blood dripping down her nose. “Or tales of the past?” A spider web crack of blue veins spread up her neck, and black liquid pooled around her lips. “Come on Jamie, spit it out!” She cried, almost gleefully. James looked away, repulsed.

“I don’t understand.”

“Don’t you though?”

Hook chanced a look to her, and started slightly as she was right in front of him now.

“Do you have these visions of everyone?” She asked, although like all of her questions, she seemed to know the answer.

Helena lifted his hook up, fondling it with care, and brought it to her cheek. Her other hand reached up his chest, running her fingers along the patterned vest.

James swallowed, looking away again.

“You do know. And you know how to get rid of them. Say it. Say the question you’ve been dying to ask.” She grinned, fingers tracing down the buttons of his vest to the top of his trousers. Here he grabbed her wrist to stop her from going any further.

“How many? How many do I have to kill to make them go away?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Oooh!” Helena wrenched her arm away and clapped wildly. “So, you are clever! I had hoped you would work that out.” She grinned again; her face spotless once more.

The wild-haired witch stepped away, running her hands along the bureau, fingers dipping in and out of the lamps dancing flames.

“Only one,” she told him, face flickering with shadows in the candlelight.

James frowned; hadn’t he killed already. Noting the confusion on his face, Helena smirked.

“Oh, not just any one. Someone dear-to-you,” she singsonged the last three words.

Hook’s heart sank.

Queenie.

“Who?” he feigned ignorance, which drew another cold, sharp laugh from the woman.

“Oh, you sly man. You want to play games with Helena. That’s alright.” She hummed, watching him like a cat stalking a mouse. “Tresses of gold and eyes of blue before unseen; face so noble and regal she could be a... Queen?”

“No.” James said sharply, and shook himself. “She is not dear to me.”

“You can lie to all but me, for I know who lies in your heart and her name is Queenie.” Helena cackled her cruel poems, flopping back onto the bed. “I see all. All that was. All to come. I know what you will do.”

“I will not kill an innocent.”

“When has that ever stopped you from getting what you want, James Hook?” Helena snapped coldly. “Shall I list them for you? Odette Phillips, skipping down bonny old London Town; Adriana Stone, the bird you sent to heaven; Rufio the--”

“Stop. I know.”

“William Potter, Callum O’Brady, Therese Clare, Puddles and Mudsy, Skylights--”

“Please, stop.” His voice cracked at the names of the long dead and desperately forgotten.

“All innocent. All dead after meeting you. Oh, admit it. Admit what you are. Only a creature like you could kill as you have. What are you, Hook? What are you?”

“I’m a monster, okay? I know that! I know I’ll be damned to the deepest circle of hell when I take my last breath. I know that no savior would atone for my sins.” James was shaking now, unable to meet her golden eyes.

“So why not take one more life? To save your mind for however long you have left on this earth?”

“I won’t.”

“Perhaps you know what I already know,” she beamed, kicking her feet up. “That there is a hope starting in that shriveled, black, little heart of yours.”

“What else can stop them?” He spoke as one condemned, voice hoarse. If that was the only way out of these hellish visions, he’d just as soon take a pistol to his own head. If that was the only way, this whole meeting was pointless.

“Well, I could lift them, of course.” Helena stated casually, sitting at the end of the bed now.

James turned slowly to look at her, an anger bubbling up inside of him that he had not felt in some time. Here she was tearing him down, kicking any hopes at sanity away, only to say she’d been able to fix it all this time. He swallowed the rage and walked to her, bending down on one knee, humbling himself before her.

“What’s your price?” There’s always a price.

The witch grinned.

“What do you have for me?”

James sighed out in relief and stood, stepping into his study to retrieve the Neverbird. He took the cage off of its stand and turned, only to have Helena standing before him again. The start she caused him made the cage shake slightly, and the somber bird cooed in fright.

“The rare Neverbird. I can offer you this.”

Helena reached up and touched the soft feathers through the bars. Her approving smile gave James hope, but then she looked at him in amusement.

“This will pay for my visit,” she told him, reaching up to take the cage from his hook. “And if this is all you have to offer--”

“Anything. I’ll give you anything.”

Helena jumped up and down on the balls of her bare feet.

“Oh, I do love it when they say that,” she said in a giddy voice. “Okay, let’s see,” Helena mused, setting the bird down and began looking around the room. She was toying with him now, deliberating on different items, holding up books to smell, running her fingers across his desk chair. “Oh, I know,” she said suddenly, a glint in her eye.

“Name it.”

Helena’s eyes dragged down Hook’s cadaverous figure slowly, tongue pressed against her teeth.

“I want your baby.”

To be continued...

#okay hi #y'all ready?#closed #part one: the witch

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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Hell, You and Christmas (Favored Ones, Part 10.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Part Summary: Killing a human really did a number on you... Joel, Ellie or Dina couldn't help you to get out of the cycle inside your head. Until you realized that it's Christmas already.

A/N: We're slowly getting into the fluffy parts before it all goes downhill.

Warnings: Uh... So... You know... We be smutty... Again... THEY BE HAVING A HOOK UP RELATIONSHIP, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT. JUST WAIT UNTIL WE'LL BE IN SEATTLE. YOU'LL BEG ME TO WRITE FOUR SMUTTY CHAPTERS IN A ROW.

Word count: 5.8 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme @peakymarvels @davnwillcome @pickleriiick @jodiereedus22 @gladiosamicitias @tamkashi @eternallyvenus @avengerssstuff @fangirl-inthe-us @avery-miller @mikah-writes

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

The winter of 2037, 3 months before the incident:

Joel hadn't seen you for four weeks. Sure, you met him in the town, chit-chatted with him, and asked him about his wellbeing, but you hadn't visited him ever since the patrol you've had. The man was letting you take your time, there was not a single sign of pressure.

Yet truth be told, he missed having you around. There was something empty about his house in the night when he was going asleep all alone. It wasn't that he hadn't sex in weeks, that didn't bother him as much as feeling the bed being cold and empty again. Was it what you saw that made you cut everything with him? It was quite confusing the man since you hadn't any problem with greeting him and talking to him. So Joel was trying to spend as much time as possible with reading, carving animals out of wood. He was often seen going for a hunt, spending most of the time either alone or with Tommy and Maria.

But it was hard for you. It wasn't that Joel would make you feel less safe once you saw him just suffocating a guy with his damned forearm, the quite opposite actually. If anything, this damned man with a somehow gentle soul, was perfectly capable of protecting you from bad men. But there was this something that was coming up inside of you - what were you if you were capable of taking someone else's life? Joel told you that makes you a survivor and any of the people that know weren't acting any differently around you.

Slowly, all the leaves were gone - and once, when you were walking around the town with your palms inside your jacket, you noticed that something fell on your nose. First snow of the year. It was late November - so much time flew past since you had your patrol with Joel. Jesus, were you out for such a long time? Holy hell.

When you came home, you looked at your clock - realizing it was already the thirtieth of November. December was starting the next day, which meant that Christmas were coming soon... And you hadn't got even one gift. It wasn't about the gifts at all and you knew that, but you enjoyed giving your friends something that would make them happy. Ellie was quite easy to pleasure - you, as usual, gave her a bottle of beer and some donuts from Seth. Dina loved scarves, so in exchange for help in the workshop, you got one for her. Jesse was quite hard to estimate, so you prepared a few bombs for him.

You managed to trade one of your other bombs for a book Diego wanted. Just a day before Christmas, you got all the gifts you needed and for real, there was only one person who you wanted to give someone to. This time it wasn't that you didn't want to spend time with Joel - it was just a lot to think about. And honestly, you were now in the phase when slowly, everything got back to normal again.

So you decided to give him a small gift he'll have to unwrap himself in his bedroom after the traditional Christmas party people held in the big dining room. Usually, people were drinking, eating sweets, dancing, and singing some carols at the beginning. Then, everyone usually went to talk with a group of friends. So, naturally, you ended up at the local young folk's table with your best friends, dressed up in the cutest dress you could thing you had in your wardrobe, having two bottles of eggnog and a plate of Christmas sweets in the middle. As usual, the presents were thrown into a sack, and the person who got the gift in that row had to guess from who it was.

It was great so far - Jesse brought you a whole plastic bag of plastic bottles which he was collecting the whole yeah for you, Ellie gave you a pair of socks and Dina somehow managed to get a bottle of wine for you, which was special in the town. This gift was so amazing that you told them you'll open it together once you'll all gather again. The last gift was from Diego, who spent weeks trying to figure out how to tell you his feelings. And in the end, Tommy had advised him to give you a branch of mistletoe in a Christmas card. So he did exactly that.

Just when you were about to open the card, some rumble coming from the front part of the room made each of you turn around. Ellie, who was drunk beyond socially acceptable, started to whistle loudly when she saw Joel, who wasn't exactly sober either, bringing a guitar to the stage where the musicians were playing until Seth turned on some stereo with Carols.

Everyone changed a look of surprise about Ellie's reaction before you all shifted your attention to what was happening around. Diego was feeling more and more pressured when he watched your hand putting the card down when you leaned your back into Ellie's chest, watching her old man on the stage.

"So, as usual, my younger brother still thinks it's appropriate to make me play songs against my will. And even this year, he talked me down to play somethin' for you because he still thinks y'all enjoyin' it." - Joel told the microphone with a shy smile on his face, looking into the crowd of mostly drunk adults. Dina out both her palms in front of her lips to yell... - "Bet your damn ass we love you playing guitar!" - Making your whole table giggle like a group of high school girls.

Joel lowered his head with the hint of defeat, he was still smiling though, in his face, shaking his head in the process. - "Might not be a carol, but it is for someone here." - Joel looked into the crowd with a grin. You wouldn't suspect he's thinking about you - you'd say he means Ellie - until your gazes met for a second. So he was giving you a Christmas present even though you've been distancing from him for quite some time now... Why was Joel sometimes the sweetest guy in Jackson just to be the jackass most of the time?

Ellie, clearly bored with the old man singing for her, scoffed inside your hair, bringing you even closer than before. Joel took his time with making sure the guitar is good to go before he plucked the first chords of the song. Both you and Ellie furrowed while watching him - he played this song for neither of you so far. So you've listened to the words, while surprised smiles appeared on both of your faces.

"'Cause I'd rot in Hell with you if you'd just ask me to. I love the shitty things we do together - live with me in this sin forever. Hell and you - I know you want it too. I say take the shot, see this chance, feel the fire, and let me have this... Dance with you." - He proceeded to the refrain, having both you and Ellie sitting there with opened mouths.

"I think this song ain't for you, girl!" - Dina yelled, sending a loud whistle to Joel. This man rarely sang something different than overplayed country songs or Johnny Cash - let alone something as sexual as this was. To support the old man, almost everyone around the table clapped in rhythm, giggling at the lyrics.

"I didn't know he's seeing someone." - Ellie said and drank one cup of the eggnog at once. Diego's card was long forgotten by the time Joel was leaving the stage, shaking hands with the musicians. There were now theories about who Joel could be seeing. The person was in the room with them.

"I think it's Bobby." - Jesse looked at all of you. - "She's around Joel's age and her butt ain't bad for someone as old as she is." - The boy finished with a grin, earning a chest smack from Dina, who was laughing like crazy.

"Well, obviously, it's Francis from the kitchen. Their personalities match totally." - Dina rolled her eyes. Uh, that wasn't true - while Joel was an adorable jackass with his good and bad moments, Francis was a straightway bitch. But Ellie was shaking her head at Dina's tip. - "He needs someone who can get through the bad days with him. Francis would've murdered him on the spot. In my opinion, it's Cat from the stables. She's lovely, they both adore horses and trust me, I've seen them talking the other day... Fuck me, she's all over him." - Ellie laughed, still keeping her hand on your knee.

This topic was making you sick if you had to be honest. Sure, they were joking about who Joel can be fucking while the person sat next to them. Or... Was it you? As they spoke of it, you weren't so sure if the song was even for you. You meant a lot to Joel, but he never had told you anything to even have you an idea that you could be this important to him. But no matter how nervous it was making you, you were still laughing along with your friends, drinking maybe a bit more of eggnog than you should.

That was Diego's chance to embarrass both of you. Your friends were total dicks when they were drinking, which you knew - but the boy had to do it nonetheless, hadn't he?

You turned your head to him, feeling a smooth touch on your shoulder, just to see Diego holding the card he gave you. Oh, you've forgotten about that. He laughed nervously and opened the piece of paper, showing you the mistletoe inside of it. Your eyes widened with horror when you realized where he's getting at with giving you such a gift.

"I mean... If you don't wanna listen to tradition, we can at least dance?" - Diego asked when he saw your terrified expression. Well, this sure wasn't what he was expecting as a reaction, yet this boy wasn't giving up so easily. Another of Johnny Cash's songs was just playing - you knew that because Joel loved to sang this man's songs - when he got up and offered you a hand.

It was awfully weird when you just sat there, looking at his palm. Ellie woke you up out of the trance by pushing you closer to the boy, giving you a sick grin. So, against your will, you put your hand in his and went to the dance floor with the boy. Even such bullshit was enough to have the black-haired boy grinning when he was circling his hands around your body.

Tommy was laughing out loud about a joke Seth has said, there were legitimate tears in Joel's brother's eyes. Joel chuckled at the joke as well, leaning one of his elbows into the bar behind them. With a smile, he took one good look around the room - just to feel the smile fade away rather quickly.

Chords of the True Faith were announcing the chorus coming just when the boy leaned in to kiss you. You sure was surprised, but you were too drunk to push him away, so the only thing that remained you was to kiss him back. When the kiss was over, you could see a huge smile on Diego's face, yet his excitement met a rather stoic face confusion you had on.

For the situation to fuck, even more, you noticed another man walking directly to you. All you could do was to close your eyes and cuss under your breath. Joel was seemingly pissed - why you had at least a clue about what had pissed him off, the others would've dismissed it as his normal jackass behavior.

"Sir." - Diego greeted him in the most polite behavior possible, unable to get the happy grin off of his. The man's eyes flickered on you, on the boy's arms wrapped around your waist proudly, and then to Diegos face in the end.

"Am I interruptin' somethin' here, son?" - Joel asked, knowing damn well he was interrupting something, which put a wicked grin on his lips, and little devilish sparks into his eyes. While Diego told him a quiet 'Yes', both of the men stared at you shaking your head with horror in your face. You didn't know how many times you'll have to drop clues for Diego, telling him you're not interested in him.

"I mean, you didn't come to talk about these damn bombs Tommy had mentioned. You have a minute?" - Joel asked you directly and Diego finally let you go from his gentle grip. To not end on the bad note completely, you at least patted his shoulder before waking off with Joel, coming to the bar to get at least a beer from Seth. - "Bombs? Really? You couldn't come up with something original?" - An angry hum left your lips.

"Diego? Really?" - Joel asked you back rather mockingly, making you finally look in his face. Damn you. It was hard to tell if it's the alcohol making you both more daring than ever before, but there was some kind of shift in his expression. Did he finally realize that he's not the only one interested in you?

"You were a good boy this year." - You mumbled with a victorious smile, waiting for the old sack ball to notice you. Your relationship with Seth was more or less without complications - you hated him just as much as he hated you. It wasn't that you'd be a bad kid or whatever, but you were friends with people Seth despited with passion. Ellie and he were arguing on almost every dance, especially when she got drunk. He was one of the people who liked the traditions - young people being polite while having a normal relationship as he put it. Which meant opposite genders being attracted to each other - which, resolved in many conflicts. Especially when both of them got drunk. There were even occasions when you hat to pull Ellie away from him because she'd kick him down to a fucking ball.

Joel's grin after your statement was hilarious - he felt confident and above the situation completely. Which made you grin as well. - "How comes?" - He asked and looked around the room, bringing his bottle closer to his lips.

"Santa left you a gift." - You smiled sweetly, moving a bit closer. There was still the socially acceptable distance between you two, yet no-one could hear what you were talking about. - "The only problem with is that... You have to take the wrapping off of me before seeing it." - Oh, the reaction of the old man was priceless. He rose his eyebrows, his mood suddenly being so much that he was almost beaming though the whole room with happiness. Or something similar to it at least.

"What are you two whispering about, huh?" - The old's ballsack voice freaked you out. If he'd be there just a moment earlier, he'd hear you telling Joel Miller, the Joel Miller, to undress you. Which would've been enough to cause a scandal? With that, you gave him the sweetest smile you were capable of. - "Nothing your long nose would have to sniff about, Seth." - And that was the fakest smile in the entire history of Jackson what you gave to Seth.

"These kids." - Seth rolled his eyes in Joel's direction, leaving to get your beer. Joel just chuckled at his sigh, agreeing with the man.

"What about meetin' me in ten at the restrooms?" - Joel grunted to you, taking another swing of his beer. This took you by surprise. Sure, seeing Joel was enough of a crazy situation on its own, but you've never done anything as crazy with anyone. You had a surprised expression, for sure, but any red flags have risen as far as Joel could tell. There was also a heavy hint of excitement in your eyes, which made his wicked grin widen even more.

"But the entire concept of it's just ridiculous. It'll blow up right in your face, I tell you that, kiddo." - Joel shifted his tone entirely all of a sudden. You wouldn't even notice Ellie approaching you if he wouldn't send you a warning.

"Heard you're keeping her hostage here." - Ellie got out of her lips and straightened to look even scarier. Oh, your poor baby. She'd do anything to keep you from getting harmed. Especially on Christmas night like that one. - "So I came here to save her." - She looked right to Joel's face with an ice-cold look. You decided to play along, scoffing at the last remark. Just when Seth gave you your beer, you took at and entwined your elbow with Ellie's.

"You don't know shit about my work, so stop inserting yourself in, yeah?" - You told Joel, turning your face to him. Quicky, you mouthed 'ten' before you let Ellie drag you along. The man hid another smirk to the beer, wondering about how impossible you could be.

"Was he laying into you a lot?" - The girls asked you on your way to the table. You shook your head with a furrow, thinking about what was happening at the bar. You were overenjoyed and very excited, looking at the clock to count down each minute. You figured out that it will be the best to pretend you want to puke - it'll give you some time and no-one will come to check on you since you puked on dances all the time.

"No, he was quite okay. It just gets repetitive." - You answered with a small smile, rolling your eyes.

"Just don't let him ruin your night, girl." - She pulled you even closer, giving you a small smile. Diego was looking like a lovesick puppy when you appeared out of the crowd. He smiled almost immediately, leaning towards you. How was just not giving up, was he? Jesus Christ. What should you tell him? Nervously, you just smiled back and nodded at the boy, but you sat far away from the boy as possible at the table.

"So, was he acting weird? Maybe looking at someone? A lot? Was he searching for his girl? You noticed something?" - Dina leaned close to you, looking you in the eyes. Well, what should you say? The only person he had his eyes on was you. The whole time. It didn't seem that he was singing for someone else, but you still couldn't be quite sure. For a moment, you pretended to think about that before you shook your head.

"Why are you so curious about that, Dina? I am your man." - The black-haired boy sitting next to one of your best friends chuckled. Dina spared Jesse a furrow before giggling and taking a sip of the eggnog.

"Because it's Joel damned Miller. He lives here for the last five years and I have never seen him talking to a woman... With romantic intentions. Have you seen that?" - Dina winked at him, making a total douche out of Jesse. Both you and Ellie were grinning on the other side. Normally, Ellie wasn't taking sides in conversations involving Joel, but she was so drunk she was grinning next to you.

Suddenly, you let out a long sigh and you put your hand on your stomach. - "Oh, and it's here." - Ellie noted, helping you on your legs. See? Everyone was just waiting until you throw up. Once you'd throw up, the night was most likely over. But Diego had stood up as well, catching your waist in the process.

"What the fuck are you doing?" - You stopped. The look you gave him was so cold that his palm immediately flew back to his side. - "I supposed you'd need some help." - The boy whispered, licking his lips as he watched you. Until that moment, everyone thought that you're a thing, especially when he kissed you on the damned dancefloor. But as soon as you answered him, everyone understood that you're not the case. Jesse also thought about pulling the dude back on his chair for a minute. - "You supposed fucking wrong, then."

Everyone sitting at the table watched you disappear in the crowd. Diego's expression was full of sadness and surprise as he sat down, and there was a weird silence ever since you left for the restrooms. No-one was looking at you and even though, there was this thought implanted to your head that someone out there is watching every mood you made.

The whole time and party seemed to slow down as you walked around Tommy, Maria, and Joel. It almost appeared that the man isn't watching every step you took, but you saw his eyes flickered in your direction when you walked to the back part of the building. Jesus, you weren't that excited in years. Literal years. You could hear the muted music when you looked into each of the four restrooms to see if they're empty. And for the love of God, you had your lucky day.

There wasn't much talking anyway. Just straight off the bat, when Joel opened up the door and there was this small moment of silence when you just watched the man - you missed gripping the too-long hair, the feeling when the beard was scratching your skin... And these shoulders. This man was one damn multipack. When you were done with taking the view, you leaned in to pull on his palm, dragging him into the cabin which was the further from the door.

His shoulder probably hit the doorframe, but you were too lost in the kiss to even notice it. And he was probably lost in it as well. Before pulling his brown leather jacket off, you made sure that the door is locked. Quickly, you pulled the jacket off him, his shirt following after that. Meanwhile, the man was looking at your dress with clear confusion.

"Aren't you cold in this?" - He asked, making you giggle before answering something. - "I suppose you're about to make me feel warm, arent you?" - That was it. No matter how much was Joel amused with you, he covered up your mouth as you still giggled into his skin. - "You need to be real quiet now, baby girl."

That made you shut up for a few seconds. Sure, he called you girl before, but being called a baby girl? What was that? Didn't he tell you that he does only 'no strings attached things'? Without hesitation, you nodded to assure him that you're gonna be a good one. It didn't last too long tho - the man got on his knees quickly, slowly raising the skirt of your dress up.

"What are you doing, Joel?" - A question flew out of you as you watched his palms smoothing your thighs. Jesus, this man was sure a masterpiece in so many regards. With a long sigh, the man got back upon his legs, tugging his t-shirt off. Oh fuck. This situation was getting serious - first, he called you baby girl and now, he took his t-shirt off. This was the first time he had done something like that. Immediately, you could see why he wasn't taking it off during your sessions - there was this big, thick scar on his right hip which was not too good-looking.

"Open up for me, come on." - The man said, looking on your lips. So, like the good girl you were, you opened your mouth - just for Joel to put his t-shirt between your lips as a form of a gag there. And it almost made you gag when you felt the fabric on your tongue. - "Keep it in. Soon, you won't even know it's there. I swear."

When that was said, Joel got back on his knees, starting over. This time, the man was taking his time. It wasn't just a bathroom quickie, as you expected, it was as a full-blown making love session when you watched his lips kiss a trail on your thigh, continuing over your hip, up to your shoulder just to take the dress off of you. For a moment, the man leaned his back into the wall opposite of you, playing with your dress between his palms. Jesus, that nasty grin was killing you.

"I sure as hell was a good boy this year, huh?" - He whispered with that typical raspy voice since his vocal cords were already giving up at the sight of you. Every damn time he saw you naked, he just suddenly lost his voice. More like he lost his mind every fucking time you undressed - just like that, it just happened. Before you had the time to answer, he was on his knees again, both of his palms holding your waist in one place. It took you a while to process the sight - and when your drunk brain finally clicked with the connections, you just stared at him, entwining your fingers to the locks of his hair.

No-one, and I mean no-one, ever had taken your underwear off with their teeth. Joel was gripping his teeth into one side of the thing, skillfully tugging it down. If Dina would've told you that Jesse was doing this to her, you'd most likely piss yourself, because it was just silly to imagine that. But Joel getting on his knees to do that shit? Holy motherfucking God. It almost felt as if you hadn't been even living until that moment.

The man didn't lose any time over staring at you with hungry eyes - he went down on you as soon as your panties were taken off enough. It never felt better with the man. Let you explain - he knew what he was doing every time he went down on you or when he was showing you something new. He knew how to make you relaxed and you were trusting him enough to tell him to stop when you weren't feeling it. But this night was different - the names, the t-shirt, Joel was acting somehow different. And it was making you feel really good.

"Hey?" - Someone asked into the muffled sighs which were almost unbearable. You almost took the t-shirt down, just to see the man looking your right in the eyes while still eating you out, shaking his head. So you bent your head until it rested on the wall and carefully put your hand on the door to ensure the girl won't open them even though they were locked already. With that, you also pulled your other palm.

As the girl did what she needed to do, a thought crossed your mind, which made you grin. You had Joel being as obedient as a fucking dog - he was on his knees, quietly and slowly working on his masterpiece as he slowly caressed your skin. That put just a grin on your lips. Yet just when the girl left, the man pulled away, making you look at him.

"Lean into the door, baby girl." - Oh, you loved it when he was direct with you like that. Without hesitation, you did what he wanted you to do, leaning your palms into the cold wood, showing him your whole ass. Joel knew he has to control himself, but that didn't stop him from giving you one good spank after he took his dick out, finally sinking into you. Just as his t-shirt was keeping your moan down, you heard the typical soft grunt he did every time he slipped inside for the first time. You've never heard something as sexy as that, you'd say. The first few moves were just lustful - his palms gripped both your breast to take them out of your bra, first few moves were so hasty it made the wood under you shake. Just when you were rolling your eyes, both of you started to pay attention to the shrieking of the main door leading to the restrooms.

"Y/N? Are you here?" - A voice asked, making your eyes widen as Joel skillfully rolled his lips. The person behind the door was Diego, which made him make such moves with his pelvis that you began to shake. Horrified expression appeared on your face when you felt Joel's palm tugging the t-shirt from your mouth. His daring expression told you to answer the boy.

"Y-yeah. What do you need?" - You answered with your eyes closed, making Joel grin when he started to feel your body slowly hammering against his. All you was capable of was to think about that D making you feel so good you'd scream if you could, making you mouth 'oh my motherfucking God' breathlessly. Miller was stating one thing with this - the boy will never see you as he did. Because no other man knew you the way Joel did.

"I was just checking up on you. You're here at least ten minutes already." - The boy came to the cab you two were at, making Joel stop with any movements he was doing so he wouldn't hear the man there. But if you'd have thought that would mean that hed let you be, you were wrong. The fucking man buried himself as deep as he could, putting his palm between your thighs. Which made you roll your eyes again. - "You want me to hold your hair?" - Diego asked shyly. Only if he would have any idea what was happening behind the closed door.

"No, I'm fine. You can go." - You got out somehow with stuttering, biting your lip at Joel's movements.

"Really? You don't sound fine to me." - The boy asked with worried. Just as a moan came to your mouth, you coughed loudly to cover it up.

"Just get fucking lost, Diego. Stop pretending you're my boyfriend." - Well, now it was as clear as a summer day that you are not into him. And Diego was just standing there for a while, being hurt with your word. You could be nicer, that was true, but you had to tell him already. Especially when Joel was blowing your back out the way he did.

"Sure... I'll tell Ellie to wait for you... Outside." - The black-haired boy gulped loudly, rushing out of the room at the speed of the light. Fucking finally. This time, Joel didn't even bother with covering your mouth with the t-shirt, he just pressed his palm on your lips, finishing you both as quickly as possible. You couldn't almost walk nonetheless.

"Will you come tonight, baby girl?" - Joel asked from buttoning his shirt and putting his jacket on. You smiled and wiped his beard clean from your juices. - "But I don't think that I can take another round after this, okay?" - You whispered, tiptoeing to kiss him. You were looking like a fucking mess - your hair was all over the place, your cheeks were on fire and Joel would even tell that you smell like freshly fucked girl. - "Fine. We can have some coffee and tea while watchin' some dumb Christmas comedy." - The man leaned down to kiss your forehead before giving your ass one last slap as you left the cabin.

He left five minutes after you so you wouldn't be that suspicious. Sure, Joel's mood was suddenly a million times better than before he left for the restrooms, but Tommy was too drunk to notice the obvious signs of being freshly fucked.

Ellie was waiting for you in front of the hall, already having your jacket prepared to dress you up, your presents were inside a bag. Since you saw her face, you knew something was wrong. Something was bothering her. - "Okay, what are you thinking about?" - You interrupted her, making the green-eyes girl looking at you.

"You want the first thing or the second thing?" - She teased you back, having you grin at the question. - "I can handle both." - You assured her, slowly walking through the snow while entwining your elbow with hers.

"You didn't have to be so hard with Diego. This boy didn't exactly choose to fall in love with you." - Ellie told you quietly. So he'd told her. Or your harsh answers made him look so bad that he was a little cry baby. Your eyes rolled on their own. - "Just talk it out. Tell him you're sorry and that you're not interested. And if he doesn't realize he's acting like a fucker even after you gently tell him, I'll beat the shit out of him."

"Okay, I will do that, miss. And now tell me about the Joel thing." - You have risen your eyebrows, giving Ellie one of those knowing looks. You caught her off guard. She didn't tell you it's about Joel, yet somehow, you knew. You were her best friend for real, even reading her mind and shit.

"I mean, I know I'm not talking to him... But... He would tell me. I think. That he's seeing someone. Even if I don't greet him, he always tells me everything, just like back then." - Ellie sighed, being confused with the whole 'Joel is dating' situation. - "I just hope he knows what he's doing and that the girl isn't just some bitch who doesn't even love him." - This was the sweetest thing you heard that day. They weren't talking and even though Ellie pretended to hate him, he was worried about his love life. You couldn't tell her that you're the one he's spending nights with, or at least you hoped so, but you snuggled her shoulder and sighed lightly instead of telling her not to worry.

"Wanna build a snowman?" - You asked, giving her a big smile. It was fun - and when you were sure Ellie had gone home for real, you changed into a comfy sweater and sweatpants, leaving for Joel's house. The man prepared the living room, made you a hot cup of tea - with honey, which was special - and turned on the movie. Since you were both drunk, you didn't realize you fell asleep, snuggled up under one blanket.

When you were walking home at six a.m., you almost flipped when Dina was running in your direction. She was looking confused and she sure as hell was crying just a while before. You ran to her to meet her in the middle, catching both of her shoulders. - "What happened, Dina? What is it, baby?" - You asked with worries.

"It's... It's Eugene. He had a heart attack." - She stuttered out and started crying again. With that, you hugged her and closed your eyes as you tried not to cry.

#ellie williams #jesse the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller x y/n #joel miller the last of us #the last of us #tlou #the last of us part 2 #maria miller #maria miller the last of us #tommy miller the last of us #tommy miller

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geminiimagines · 5 years

Text

Mk krew + finding they’re parents

Kabal

Pre- burn

Hold the phone! A baby? Like an actual baby?!

The baby was a complete surprise. You guys hadn’t really planned on having a kid for a couple of years, but hey!

Surprise!

He picks you a nearly squeezes the life out of you until gently remind of your precious little bean.

Kabal is so excited! He’s already making plans for you and the baby.

He quits Black Dragon, taking a job along with Eorron as part of Kotal’s gang

He calls his mother as soon has everything calmed down.

No, he’s not crying, it’s the ninja mimes

Post-burn

He didn’t think you would ever touch him again after the accident

But here he was holding the sonogram of the little jelly bean that was now in your belly.

It had been a rough few years before he worked up to being inmate with you again

He was so damn happy. He cried.

Kabal hugged you, placing a kiss on your head thanking for everything

This was more than he deserved.

He calls in old favors for help

Of course, when Erron finds out the two of you he offers to let the happy family stay on his farm in Outworld

Kabal happily agrees.

Nightwolf

Grey Cloud is a family man through and through

The topic of kids has come up casually

He wants to be able to pass on Matoka traditions to his child

But he never rushed you into it. It was something that took a lot of thought.

Then one day after coming home, he found a little note saying to look in the oven.

Opening the there was a single bun...

“My love?’‘ He asks. You just sit there with the biggest grin on your face

Nightwolf is on cloud 9. He’s like 90% his soul left his body and met with the Ancestors for a little bit.

He hugs you and kisses you.

He savors this moment and vows to protect you and the baby.

Kuai Liang

Sub-zero ex. stopped

It was late at night when it came out. You had been anxious for a little over a week.

It had spilled out all once, with you sobbing into the blankets

Kaui Liang is quiet for a moment before pulling you into a tight embrace.

He hushes you and explains that he could never be mad with you.

He never really brought up children, and neither did you.

Sub-zero was a busy man after all, but...

You carrying his child puts it all into perspective

He assures you it’s nothing that wanted more in his life

The cryomancer apologizes for never really taking the time to talk with about having kids

It’s a huge surprise

But’s a welcome surprise.

He lays you back down and starts to dream of his family.

Hanzo

The topic of children was something the both of you never touched on

.It was a hard subject matter for Hanzo, so you left it alone for awhile

The children of the clan looked to you as a mother figure and you were happy with that.

It wasn’t until you started to feel ill one day. You could hardly get out of bed. Everything hurt.

Concerned, Hanzo brought you to the Speical Forces base to see a doctor there

After hearing the symptoms the doctor said you were pregnant

The word dropped like an atom bomb in the room.

“Did you know?’‘ Hanzo asks quietly says after the doctor leaving giving you two a moment

You shake your head. You had no clue. You start crying, saying how sorry you were for not knowing. For bringing this burden on him.

Hanzo immediately hushes you.

You don’t see it, but he’s on the verge of tears.

He hugs you and whispers in your ear telling you how great of a mother you will be. He slightly thanks to the Elder Gods for another chance.

You both go home that night and have a private dinner start planning for the future.

Johnny Cage

Say what???

When you told you were pregnant to took him by surprise

It’s not like you hadn’t talked about kids, the subject came up but it felt awkward

There’s a pause

He scoops you up in arms with an excited laugh

Johnny immediately calls Cassie telling that she’s gonna be a big sister.

He plans private celebration not wanting to draw attention you.

Johnny is so excited to have another kid

Erron Black

Well, this was unexpected.

He asks you to repeat what you said.

After saying he’s going to be a father it slaps him like a ton of bricks

He needs a moment to think

This is a huge moment but is he ready? Raising a child is no picnic.

What if he ends up like his father?

He never thought of himself as father

Erron comes back after a while.

He’ll confess to you, that he’s scared. He’s scared of a lot of things.

But he hugs you close.

He assures you that the both of you will work together for your child.

Erron takes on more stable jobs in order to support you and his little cowpoke

In the months leading up to your due date, the more excited he gets.

836 notes · View notes

hey-sunshines · 4 years

Note

Preference for them proposing? Also if you don’t mind I would love if you could include Tim, Curly, Angela and Cherry. It’s alright if you don’t want to write the lesbian relationships, I get some peeps aren’t comfy with that. Happy pride tho!

OOOOO I’ve been thinking about this for awhile so thank you for giving me a reason to post this!

As far as the lesbian relationships, I don’t mind writing for them at all! All for all kinds of love! But for full disclosure, I am a straight CIS gendered female and I’ve only been in a relationship with a man, so if there is some nuances that I don’t get/understand, please let me know. I want to learn about the LGBT+ so I can support them fully!

Darry: He would propose with his mom’s ring. Of course, Soda and Pony wanted it too, but Soda and Pony came to the same conclusion that after all of the years that Darry gave up his own live to take care of his brothers (like going to post-secondary or having any real life of his own), it was the only way that Soda and Pony could really pay him back. I don’t think he would date that much the first year or two after his parents died, as he’s so worried about getting things right with taking care of his brothers and doesn’t want them taken away. He is also nervous about finding someone to understand his situation. He probably wouldn’t want to get married until Pony is off at university at least. Since he didn’t have to save up for a ring, he saved up a little for the wedding itself and for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. He always tried his best to give you nice things/take you out to nice meals, but money was tight and it didn’t happen often. But he was going to make this night special and make you feel like the Queen you are in his eyes. He wears a nice suit, picks up a bouquet of your favourite flowers and goes to pick you up at your place. He is so shy and jumpy the whole dinner, although he knows you’ll say yes (getting married was something you two have talked about before, because Darry likes a game plan/hates surprises) he’s still nervous to ask. You know he’s off his game, but you can’t pinpoint what’s wrong and you know he’ll tell you when he’s ready. The whole dinner goes smoothly, with candles and flowers on the table. Right before the dessert arrives, Darry gets down on one knee. He gives this speech about how much he loves you and how you’ve made him a better person, especially over the last few years, and how he wants to spend the rest of his life growing together. He struggles to get through parts of it because he’s stuttering/rushing through parts of it because he’s so nervous.

Soda: Soda wouldn’t wait as long to get into the dating game as Darry (although he does take some time after Sandy), but he does wait until Pony is done school to propose, as he makes it when he says he wants help Darry out with the bills. He was not as well planned out as Darry. He still wants/tries to make it romantic, but Darry is the type of person to plan things out and Soda is not. He goes and buys as best of a ring as he can afford and proposes that same night. He takes you to the place that you first met, he picks some flowers from a field near by and when he gets on one knee, he talks about wanting to go on adventures with you for the rest of his life.

Pony: I always imagine he meets someone while away at university/college and that he proposes at graduation/the graduation party that the gang. He wants to make both of your special days even more special and wants to share the moment with the people he loves most in the world. He spends a lot of time picking out a ring and planning the perfect proposal. He talks to your best friend to find out the type of rings/jewelry you like, so that he can get something that you like. He writes out a long speech of what he wants proposes. He practices with Soda and Darry for months because he is a little cinnamon bun who wants to make the proposal as perfect and as romantic as possible. (I can just see Darry and Soda rolling their eyes by the end of the month because they’re so tired of hearing him practice). Darry and Soda go all out decorating the place to make it look nice, telling the rest of the gang and you that it’s for the graduation party, but it’s really for the proposal. They even convince the gang to look presentable, because “this is a graduation party, you idiots, I know you haven’t been to one before, but look like you have.” Darry helps Pony look his best beforehand, helping him with his tie and such and Soda gets the camera ready, because he’ll be damned if he isn’t going to put the proposal picture on the wall next to Pony’s graduation pictures. It ends up going just who Pony plans it and he gets his whole speech out perfectly, despite Two-bit and Dally heckling a little towards the end of his very long speech.

Two Bit: He ends up getting his younger sister to help him pick out the ring, because he isn’t the best at jewelry. He takes you to see a funny movie on a Saturday night. He isn’t drunk by the end of the night like he usually is, because he wants to make the night special and remember this moment for the rest of his life. He makes promises to you to improve when it comes to drinking and makes jokes all the way throughout his proposal. But when he actually got to asking you the question, he’s the serious he’s ever been.

Steve: He tries to act cool and nonchalant about the whole thing, but really he is soooo nervous. Soda had to hype him up before he goes out to propose to you. He tries to make the proposal very personal, talking about all his happiest memories with you leading up to proposing to you. He got Soda to help print off a bunch of pictures from throughout your relationship so that he could frame them and put them around the room for when he proposes.

Dallas: He proposes with one of his own rings, as he wants you to wear a piece of him always. yes it’s more manly ring, but it meant a lot to him and to you. He doesn’t make a big deal about the proposal, as he’s not as into romance as some of the others are. It’s not that he doesn’t want to make it special, but romance and gushy stuff doesn’t come naturally. He proposed in bed after sex and cuddling together. Think My Big Fat Greek Wedding style. He barries his face in the blankets after asking because he’s blushing so hard and doesn’t want you to see. He’s so excited when you say yes, that he doesn’t let you go all night.

Johnny: He’s so sweet and a little cinnamon bun. He takes the day off work and decorates the apartment with fairy lights and tea candles and flowers and flower petals. He makes you a nice dinner. He cleans himself up, slicks back his hair, and puts on his nicest cloths. He’s so nervous when you get home and see the decorations. You gush over it, but also start asking if you forgot something (”is it our anniversary? “is it one of our birthday”). But he just kept saying that he just wanted to make you feel special. When he finally got to asking you, he stutters and kept saying he doesn’t deserve you, but he loves you and wants to do everything he can to deserve you. You have to tell him multiple times that he does deserve you and you’re lucky to have him.

Tim: Like Dallas, he gives you one of his rings and doesn’t make a huge deal about it. He talks about it with his brother and sister for a little bit beforehand though because he is nervous. He takes you for a drive out to hill to watch the sunset and ask you while sitting in the car watching the sunset.

Curly. He hadn’t planned it and he hadn’t bought a ring, although he did genuinely want to marry you . You two were arguing. You were pushing him to take your relationship the next level/for him to take your relationship more seriously because you two had been dating for like 5 or 6 years and were tired of not moving forward. He finally yelled out “fine, lets get married” at which point there’s like 30 seconds of silence. You two go together the next day to get the ring.

Angela: She bought a basic ring, as neither of you were flashy people. She wasn’t sure when she would propose, so she carried the ring with her for awhile, just in case the perfect moment came up. Eventually it did, when the two of you were star gazing and the conversation turned to the future and you were talking about all the things you wanted to do. When you asked her what she wanted to do, she said, “I don’t know exactly what but I do know that I wanted to do it with you” bringing out the ring and proposing to you.

Cherry: Because she’s from a wealthier family, she had bought a really nice ring and teken you for a nice weekend vacation resort. THe day is planned out perfectly with romantic events, such as boat rides and swimming. It is topped off with a sunset horseback ride along a trail that ended on top of a large hill/small mountain. She brought a picnic dinner with flowers and the works (well as much as she can fit on a horse if that makes sense). She finally asks you after you two have finished eating and watching the sunset, cuddling up on the blanket together.

#The Outsiders #the outsiders headcanon #Ponyboy Curtis #pony curtis #Sodapop Curtis #Soda Curtis #Steve Randle #Johnny Cade #Dallas Winston #dally winston #tim shepard #curly shepard #angela shepard #cherry

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hedwigstalons · 4 years

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High Expectations - Ch18

Short fic? Really? How the hell have we reached chapter 18 already?

@willow-salix has been a huge support all the way through. She wields the red pen mightily

Earlier parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen

AO3 chapter link

Chapter Eighteen

John closed the apartment door and basked in the silence. The last few weeks had been awful but the last few days had been hellish. If you had asked him two days ago what had been the hardest part of this summer he would have answered without hesitation his thesis defence interview, not because he had any difficulty with his project but because, even after 4 years at Harvard some of the faculty still struggled with his presence.

He had bounced onto the quad aged sixteen, looking more like twelve, and instantly made a name for himself by criticising the work of one of the more well respected professors on campus. It probably hadn’t helped that he had been right. Since then he had been dogged by whispers of ‘Daddy’s money’ or heckled as an android freak as he eschewed the company of the peers that would never truly be peers due to the gaps in both age and intellect. University had been a bittersweet mix of unbridled access to learning mixed with a social web to navigate that made high school look like an insignificant warm up. The culmination of it all had been his thesis defence in front of a panel who didn’t know whether to be intimidated by him or offer him a cookie for being a good boy. Still, he was walking away from it all, with dual honours and a postgraduate distinction, at an age not dissimilar from those just starting their higher education journey.

The troubles and torments of university, however, had nothing on the hell on Earth that was Boston airport for an extended period of time. He could now categorically say that this had been the worst part of the summer. The route between east and west coast seemed to be plagued by delays but this, his final time of making the journey, had topped the lot. Being held up for an unspecified period of time in an airport lounge had brought out the worst in humanity and after a delay that had pushed past 36 hours in the end he would be quite happy to never see another human ever again. With the apartment door firmly shut on the outside world he fully intended to recharge and bask in the solitude before Alan got home from school.

He padded up the hallway to deposit the travel bag containing a few meagre essentials in his room but never made it that far.

The apartment might have been silent but it wasn’t empty. His room was next to Alan’s and through the open door he could see that self same teenager sat cross legged on the bed, head set on, controller in hand and eyes glued to the screen that flashed with neon laser cannons and moved at a dizzying pace. Part of him wanted to tiptoe on past, pretend he hadn’t spotted his younger brother, and collapse onto his own bed. John could have sworn that he hadn’t done anything that could penetrate the teenager’s electronic cocoon but before he had crossed the doorway Alan’s head whipped round and fixed him with an intense blue stare.

Alan paused the game, dropped the controller next to him and slid off the headset. He continued to stare in a way that he could see was making his older brother uncomfortable, holding the eye contact that always made John squirm a little, but at this point he didn’t care.

The weeks before Gordon’s departure had been busy. With a fixed deadline firmly etched on the calendar Jeff had ramped up the pressure on Gordon to gain his pilot’s licence and all the myriad of special endorsements he would need beyond the basics in order to complete a cross-continental journey solo. Alan wasn’t quite sure why such a high rated licence was necessary but he had appreciated all the extra time at the airfield it necessitated. Almost every weekend had been spent there so that Gordon could get in the required practice and he had always tagged along, partly to spend more time with Gordon and partly in the hope of getting a lesson himself; it turned out flying was something he had a flair for and he relished those precious moments in the cockpit. But then Gordon had gained his licence and the lessons had dried up. Time in the sky went from being a priority to something his father was too busy to provide. It rankled that he wasn’t worth the effort.

And then the dreaded day had come. The day he lost the brother he was closest to to the military might of WASP. He’d probably come across as petulant and moody, his goodbyes stilted and brief, but the sullen exterior had been his armour protecting him from breaking as something inside him died. He hadn’t even been able to go with Gordon on the trip up the coast as had been the original plan. A last minute change had seen their father disappear off on some mysterious overseas errand, leaving Virgil to play taxi service to the WASP to be. He had begged to go too but unfortunately for him the start date for Gordon had coincided with Scott having some leave and Virgil was staying up north to indulge in some oldest brother bonding time. So he had been left behind, alone in the apartment, with the promise that John would have arrived by morning.

Morning had dawned but the promised sibling hadn’t appeared. The logical side of him knew there would be a perfectly rational explanation for John’s delay but the emotional side of him just added it to the heap of rejection he was feeling. No one gave a damn about him. Noone cared what he was doing. He’d turned right around and headed back into his room to kill zombies. When the second morning dawned and he was still alone the only difference it made was that the zombies were replaced by asteroids.

John was pinned uncomfortably by the stare. Everything about Alan screamed out that he was issuing a challenge, daring John to pass comment. If he had ignored John’s presence he probably would have been left alone but John was a Tracy too and as with all Tracys he never could resist a challenge.

“No school today?” he queried, one eyebrow raised in preemptive skepticism.

“Does it look like it?”

“What it looks like is you playing video games on a Tuesday in term time. The news didn’t mention any schools being flattened by freak hurricanes so why are you here?”

Alan just shrugged and went to pick up his controller again.

“Alan!”

“What?! It’s not like there’s any point me being there.”

“There is always a point to school.”

“Yeah? Well I’m not learning anything there, the stuff they set is just insulting.”

This was one point John could empathise with, boredom in the classroom was a familiar feeling to him. He felt lucky that he had met forward thinking teachers early on in his school career. Teachers that had put the effort in to find out his level rather than being happy to have a coasting child in the class that didn’t need their assistance. The result had seen him progressing through grade school at a pace that, while it still felt slow to him, at least meant he wasn’t inflicted with the full, tortuous twelve years. Alan on the other hand had been forced to stay firmly in his age grade.

“What about your friends, surely you’re bored here without them?”

That just earned him an eye roll.

“Can we just skip the questions and head straight to the part where you lecture me.”

“Would it make a difference? I’m not Dad but you do realise he is going to be majorly pissed when he finds out, don’t you?”

“He’ll only find out if you tell him.”

“You think he won’t find out from school?”

Alan just sighed.

“Seriously Johnny, Gordon and I got all comms from school diverted directly to us years ago. I’ve already responded to their email.”

“You and Gordon did that?” He was secretly a little impressed that his brothers had found a way to bypass the school systems although he was concerned that their father had seemingly never noticed.

“Well, okay, I did that. Gordon’s not so hot on the technical stuff but it was his idea. Dad’s never been that great at dealing with letters and permission slips so I just got in through a school admin account and updated the contact details. If it’s not a report card he isn’t interested.”

John decided not to pass comment on the low level hacking his baby brother had pulled off. Instead he picked his way across the minefield that was Alan’s floor to join his little brother on the bed. The mattress felt deliciously soft compared to the plastic seat upon which he had been forced to spend the night and he felt his bones sigh in relief. His own bed was still calling out to him but his big brother instincts were screaming at him to fix things, even if he wasn’t entirely sure what he needed to fix. The screaming won. He leaned across to grab a second controller off the cluttered bedside unit and synced it into the game.

“So, what’re we playing? I don’t recognise this one but then there wasn’t much time for gaming at Harvard.”

Alan looked bemused by the turn of events. Scott held an authority that demanded respect, Virgil would take a softer and more caring approach, Gordon provided a mix of straight talking and fun whereas their father subscribed to the school of parenting that was mostly indifferent until an indiscretion was unearthed. John was still a bit of an unknown entity, he’d never taken on the role of authority figure for Alan and he couldn’t work out his brother’s strategy.

“Uh, it’s something I made myself.” Alan disconnected his headset and the background music of the pause screen sounded out harshly in the otherwise quiet apartment eliciting an involuntary wince from John. He guiltily turned the volume down to a more comfortable level before resuming play.

They sat side by side in silence for a few minutes, blasting asteroids and navigating their way through a fast moving debris field. The game concept appeared simple and John wondered why Alan had done it; it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford to stock up on the commercially available games.

“Games design is a new one for you, this a school project or something?”

John sensed the eye roll even without taking his own eyes off the screen.

“Hardly. School sucks.”

“So, why make the game?”

“It’s not about the game. I wanted to see if I could model a debris field. Thought if I could get it right it could be good training, you know, before astronaut school.”

“I think you’ll find Tracy College already has their own simulators. How do you even know this is accurate.” Alan had made no secret about his desire to head into space and it looked like that was still the life plan. Part of John hoped the game wasn’t accurate, the objects were flying in thick and fast and he was struggling to react in time to find a clear path for his craft and guide it through. Alan, on the other hand, was having no such difficulties; his movements were lightening fast and the game seemed to hold no challenge for him.

“Borrowed your books.” Alan set his own controller down as John’s ship took a direct hit and exploded in a mass of technicolour pixels that ended the game. He stretched out and plucked a weighty tome off the edge of his desk.

“Borrowed? I don’t remember you asking.” John recognised the volume as one of the few undergraduate text books he had investing in the hard copy of. Slips of coloured paper stuck out at intervals and the pages were rather more worn and well thumbed than he remembered.

Alan pointedly ignored the question and instead flipped through to the relevant pages.

“I’m not sure if I got this bit right though. I struggled to combine the effect of an explosion induced debris field interacting with a meteor shower.”

However John had been expecting his talk to go with Alan, it hadn’t been like this. He soon found himself drawn into an animated discussion of the core principles of astrophysics and how material behaved in a vacuum. Alan’s grasp of the subject, considering he was entirely self taught, surprised the elder Tracy. On his rare visits home Alan had always pestered him to go star gazing or asked him his thoughts on the latest developments in astronaut training but he’d had no idea that Alan’s interest had extended into him seemingly attempting to study most of the first year of his Harvard course from home. No wonder the kid was bored at school.

When Jeff returned later that night it was to find the two boys deeply engrossed in some project or other. Books and piles of scribbled notes lay scattered around them and John’s fingers danced through lines of holographic code as he pointed out some facet or other to the younger boy who seemed to hang on his every word. He assumed John was helping Alan with his homework and thought no more of it as he settled down to his own evening.

xoxoxox

“Mr Tracy, a Miss West is on the line for you.”

Jeff frowned at the unexpected intrusion from his personal assistant. “Miss West?” He couldn’t place the name.

“She says she is calling from the High School, Sir”

“Put her through then.” He paused a moment until the slight click indicating a change in caller reached his ears.

“Mr Tracy? I’m Sarah West, Alan’s home room teacher.” The woman on the other end of the call sounded slightly nervous and with good reason, the Tracy reputation was formidable and seeing Alan’s name on her class list when he had joined the school had led to rounds of commiserations in the faculty lounge.

“Miss West, what can I do for you?” He tried to keep the puzzlement out of his voice. The last time he had received a call from the school, or any kind of communication now he came to think about it, had been over Gordon’s suspension. He hoped he was not in for a repeat of that embarrassing incident.

“I just wanted to check on how Alan was doing. The class are all missing him and hope he is able to return to school soon.”

Jeff understood the words being spoken but the actual sentiments made no sense. As far as he was concerned Alan was at school at that very moment. He kept his voice carefully neutral.

“I thank you for your concern Miss West. I will certainly pass on your regards when I see Alan this evening.”

“Thank you Mr Tracy. Please accept my best wishes for you and all your family, it can be so hard when these things happen. Please keep me informed of his progress through the parent portal and once Alan is well enough to come back we will look at putting a catch up and transition programme in place for him. Alan is a bright boy and I have every confidence that he will be able to catch up with these missed weeks.”

“Thank you Miss West. I will of course keep you informed. Now if you will excuse me.”

“Of course Mr Tracy, goodbye.”

“Goodbye Miss West.”

Missed weeks. The words rang out in his head, causing him to rub his temples. Trouble at school had always been Gordon’s domain, he’d been gone for months but still his influence was being felt. Alan had always taken after John until now; good grades, generally studious and with a passion for space. Whatever was going on Jeff knew he needed to nip it in the bud. Pausing only to inform his PA that he would be heading out for lunch and might not return that day Jeff headed back to the apartment.

Jeff found Alan in his room, engrossed in some project or other. He rapped smartly on the doorframe, breaking the teen’s concentration and causing him to look round in surprise. The look Jeff was treated to wasn’t one of fear or remorse though and there was certainly no sign of guilt at being caught where he shouldn’t.

“Alan, my study. Now!” He strode off down the hallway without waiting for a response.

Alan sighed and followed, knowing that to ignore a direct command would be foolish. By the time he reached the study Jeff was already behind the desk in his customary position for dispensing judgement, a situation Alan had rarely been in but had certainly heard about often enough from Gordon. He was more than a little intimidated at the prospect of what was to come but he tried not to let it show as he stood there, ramrod straight, waiting for his father to make the opening move.

“So Alan, I had an interesting call from Miss West today. Explain yourself”

The words caused Alan’s stomach to drop, there was no way he could pass today off as an isolated incident now. He had been signing off on his absences via the parent portal but if his teacher had actually called up then it was likely his father knew everything. Not knowing what to do for the best he opted to say nothing. The silence stretched out uncomfortably as he felt himself being appraised by eyes as hard as flint.

“I see. Let’s keep this simple. How long have you been skipping school for?”

“Since the beginning of the semester.” There was no point lying about it now. After his few days of indiscretion when Gordon first headed off to WASP John had made sure he went off to school each day. At the end of the summer holidays though, with John and Virgil departed for Tracy College, there was no one to force the issue. September had arrived and with it the start of a new school year but among the faces arriving for a fresh round of learning Alan’s had been notably absent.

“Why? Your teacher seems to be under the impression you are unwell. Are you unwell?” The skeptical lilt to the voice and raised eyebrow would have made even John proud.

“No.”

“So why are you risking failing high school?”

“Failing it?” Alan snorted “School’s boring. I’d be able to get my diploma now if they’d just stick me in the right classes, then I could be done with the place.”

“And what makes you think you could complete your diploma now if you won’t attend class”

“John did.” Alan’s chin jutted out in defiance and Jeff was given a sudden and uncomfortable reminder of another son who had found school far too easy. The arguments may have had a different focus but Alan wouldn't be the first Tracy to have found the system too limiting, the difference being that John had been fast tracked before the boredom got too much. “I’m not learning anything at school. It’s not like I’m just flunking out though, John’s been sending me some stuff through that’s far more interesting.”

“That’s as maybe but did John tell you to just ditch classes? I seem to remember him maintaining an exemplary attendance record”

For the first time Alan felt a wave of guilt, the weight of it causing him to bow his head in shame. John may have agreed with him that the school work he was being set was far too easy and been coaching him on more challenging topics to feed his thirst for knowledge on all things astronomical, but his brother would never have condoned him skipping class. He was not going to let John take any of the blame for his choices.

“No, Sir.”

“I see.”

Alan wasn’t quite sure what it was his father saw as he stood there being appraised like some interesting specimen. There was another drawn out silence. He could almost hear his father’s thoughts as he considered his next move.

“Show me.” Alan’s head jerked up in confusion. “Persuade me. A key skill you would learn in school, if you were there, is how to present a well balanced and constructed argument. Prove your case. I’ll be here waiting.”

Alan had been expecting some sort of reprimand, either a bawling out or a quietly pronounced punishment. So far he had received neither and he was feeling a little on the back foot but then his father had a flair for the unexpected, it’s what made him a formidable adversary in the boardroom. He retreated to his room to think upon the challenge. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to prove, didn’t have a clue what his argument was or what he wanted to achieve but he knew he had better come up with a plan fast. It felt like he was being offered a lifeline of some sort but a lifeline that had the potential to cut you down if grasped in the wrong way.

He retreated into his room and sat down at the desk, the detritus of his latest project from John scattered in front of him where he had abandoned it at his father’s command. What did he want? He knew he didn’t want to go back into that hell-pit high school, each day of drudgery just sapped the life out of him, but how could he prove to his father that school was only holding him back? He gazed unseeingly as the scribbled formulae he had been working on, all the time conscious that his father wouldn’t wait forever.

Those same formulae presented him with his answer. His father had always been focussed on results, getting the most efficient return on his investment and abhorred anything he viewed as a waste of time. Alan knew that if he could prove beyond doubt that attending school was just wasting precious learning time then he might never have to go back. He started gathering together the work he had been doing for John as evidence that he really didn’t need to sit through another hour of basic trigonometry when he was already able to apply it to complex problems.

Jeff sat back and waited. He couldn’t predict Alan’s next move but then he realised he didn’t really know Alan at all. All the way through the young boy’s life his care had fallen to others. Others had formed him and moulded him and evidently turned Alan into someone capable of missing several weeks of school under his nose without him realising. Those influences had all been evident during their short exchange. He had witnessed Gordon’s defiance and determination, John’s intellect and Virgil’s sense of justice. Even traces of Scott were evident in the set of Alan’s jaw and the way he held his shoulders despite Scott only really being present for half of Alan’s short life. How telling that a brother absent some eight years held more influence than he did as father. If there was one thing common to all his sons though it was the ability to rise to a challenge; the afternoon had the potential to be surprising.

Jeff never made it back to the office. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had a meaningful and in depth discussion with his youngest son. His conversations with Alan were normally limited to a few perfunctory exchanges in the evening and maybe a goodbye if Alan was up before he headed to the office. Over the course of the afternoon he got more insights into Alan than any mere report card could give. For a start those bland documents could only show that Alan had met the maximum expected standard for his class, behind the lists of grades his son’s true abilities had been hidden.

Alan might have been skipping school but he hadn’t been squandering his time. Jeff was treated to comparisons of the high school math curriculum compared to the problems John had been setting, ostensibly as a way of Alan bolstering a future college application as the middle Tracy had been unaware that the youngest had abandoned his traditional studies completely. Physics, coding and a raft of other topics handy for the modern astronaut similarly followed and it became clear that Alan was willing to put the effort in on the topics that interested him.

Once Alan had finished lambasting the Californian education system he turned hopeful eyes on his father.

“So, can I quit?”

If there was one thing that Jeff agreed on it was that the current curriculum being inflicted on Alan was uninspiring and certainly not challenging for the youngster. He was also conscious that his lawyers had not managed to secure the removal of their family tragedy from the text books in time for this academic year and therefore Alan would be subjected to the same ordeal as Gordon in just a few short months time if he stayed in the classroom. However, he also knew that without a high school diploma Alan would be unlikely to be able to access the higher education he needed to turn his dreams of space into a reality; he knew this from his own path to the stars.

“No.”

“But Dad…”

“No Alan, I will not have any son of mine walking away from education without a high school diploma. If you are at all serious about becoming an astronaut then you need to play by the rules, without a diploma you would be ineligible for any of the space programmes out there.”

Jeff watched the disappointment flood his son’s features and wondered if Alan had really been paying attention to his words and whether he would spot the loophole in his pronouncement. He waited as Alan put together his next move, he could almost see the thoughts as they played out. Alan always had been the son to wear his emotions closest to the surface.

“I just have to get my diploma, right?” There was a hesitancy as a glimmer of hope was seized on.

“That’s right.”

“But there are other ways of getting my diploma, not just in school. Right?”

“Potentially. So what do you want to do?”

“Can I...can I do homeschool? I’m sure we’ve got everything I need to join an online programme and then just get it done.”

Jeff paused as though contemplating the request. Really, having Alan homeschooled would be better for both of them; Alan could learn at his own pace and he would find it easier to have oversight of his son’s progress and commitment.

“You have until the end of the week to find a suitable programme otherwise I will march you straight back to the classroom myself on Monday morning. I know you don’t see the point of half the subjects you have to take but they are important, your diploma is important, even if it’s only as a paper steppingstone to better things.” Jeff found himself on the receiving end of one of Alan’s grins and realised sadly that he hadn’t seen one of those since their last flying lesson. “Now, don’t you have some research to do?”

Alan took the hint and headed out of the study with far more bounce than he’d had when entering it. Jeff had no concerns about delegating the task to his son, the similarities to John had been clear to see and he had every faith that Alan would find a suitable programme within the allotted time frame. The fact that the change to homeschooling came with the added bonus of one less loose end to tie up when the time came to relocate was not lost on him.

#High Expectations #thunderbirds #Thunderbirds fanfiction #Jeff Tracy #Alan Tracy #John Tracy #space brothers getting their own way

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onlydarylnormanfic · 4 years

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You’ll Start Again [Teaser]

A/N: Alright. I am finishing up the next BDS piece and working on All of You Part 9. BUT this is one of my own that I have just started that I need to write right now for me. Hilltop. Yes. Healing for me. Yes. I am loving the feel of this so far. Personal piece teaser... Daryl x Reader. S.9/10

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You wiped your tears away as you nodded.

“Okay. It’s over,” you said, taking a deep breath as you tried to hold back more tears from falling from your eyes.

Jake looked back over at you and nodded in agreement.

“Alright. I just think it’s the best thing,” he said, looking over at you with hard resolve, not showing an ounce of emotion.

This man you had thought you had known so well. This man you had thought of as your best friend, even before the world went to hell. This man you had loved so damn much was ending it with you.

You gulped and nodded, not sure what else to say, so you stared vacantly ahead of you as a few tears fell from your eyes.

Jake nodded again with understanding and walked over to the entrance of your trailer.

“I’ll come by and pick my things up tomorrow while you’re on duty,” he said matter-of-factly.

He said it as if the past years together had meant little to nothing to him.

You rolled your eyes and nodded, avoiding his eyes for fear that you would breakdown, which was the very last thing you wanted to do in front of him right now.

He looked over at you for a few seconds longer before turning and exiting the trailer you two had shared since you had found the Hilltop a few years ago.

You looked over and watched the door swing shut, bouncing back and forth a few times before finally closing. You got up and walked over to it, looking out of the screen door with sadness as you watched the only man you had ever loved walk away from you.

You took a haggard breath and then looked down at the lock. You brought your hand over and watched your fingers click the lock shut, as if you were watching someone else’s motions. Right now, you felt like all you could feel was the heartache running through every part of you. And your mind was racing with questions about how it had all went so wrong. When? Where? How? Why?

You were an exhausted mess. The two of you had spent the last few hours yelling, crying, and arguing with each other over all the things you two had to say that you had pent up over the years. And then it happened. He told you what you had been dreading to hear him say for a while now.

He was in love with someone else.

Her name was Lena and she worked with him on security detail. She was everything you weren’t. She was tough and resilient. She could hold her own with any walker or human. And you were just you. You worked here as a school teacher for the children. And truth be told you didn’t think you could protect yourself or anyone else from any sort of threat.

You shut the other door and locked it, walking over to your bed and flopping exhaustedly onto it. You looked up at the ceiling as you thought about what a failure you really had become in this new world. Not that you had asked for the world to go to hell. But it had. And all you could do was teach the kids how to do their arithmetic and write.

You got lost in your own minds for hours, too sad to sleep, yet too tired to move. A few hours later, you heard a dog barking and the sound of a motorcycle revving into the town.

You forced yourself off of the bed and looked out of your window. You watched as Daryl sped over to the barn with Dog in tow. You watched the strong man stop the bike, put down the kickstand, and swing his body over and off of it with ease.

He shook the hair out of his eyes and looked dutifully around the place, looking like he was making sure the town as at peace as it should be. When he was sure things were good and quiet, he patted the side of his leg, beckoning Dog to follow him up into the barn’s hayloft for the night.

You smiled, breathing a sigh of relief now knowing that one of the best protectors of this community and the rest was sleeping here tonight. It set you at more ease.

You walked back over to your bed and slumped down onto it, running your hands through your hair as you tried to assure yourself that you would be alright. You forced yourself to blow out the candles by your nightstand and settle into your bed and under the covers. You laid your head down onto your pillow, looking sadly over at the spot next to you where Jake used to sleep, not that he had been sleeping there much lately anyway anymore.

This was your new normal. A life alone. You tossed and turned as you tried to fall asleep, thinking only of everything you two had been through and how horrible it had been for you two together lately. Maybe this was all for the best. Still, you didn’t know how you were going to survive this life alone.

Your mind then wandered back to Daryl. He had done it. For a long time now. Even after Rick.

If he could do it, maybe you could too.

You turned to your side and snuggled into your blankets looking up at the window next to your bed with determined wonder. Maybe he could show you how to do just that, survive without Jake. You forced your eyes shut, telling yourself you should get some sleep before tomorrow.

Tomorrow you planned to approach the protector Daryl and ask him to teach you how to survive on your own.

You finally fell asleep into the wee hours of the early morning and awoke a few hours later to the sounds of everyone in the town getting to work for the day.

You squinted your eyes and looked up at the sun shining through your window with distain. You stretched, trying to awaken your tired body.

You then heard a knock on the door.

“Ms. Y/N! Ms. Y/N!” you could hear a few of the children call, tapping on the metallic door as they beckoned you.

You Forced yourself out of bed and walked over to the door, trying to fix your hair and face before you opened it.

You took a deep breath and opened your door, forcing a happy smile to your lips.

It was three of the children from class, Johnny, Lacy, and Margret. They were looking up at you with excitement in their eyes and happy smiles now that you had opened your door.

“It’s time for class, Ms. Y/N!” Margret said with excitement as she gripped onto her notepad and pencil, bouncing slightly up and down on her heels.

You smiled down at her and the other kids who were so excited to start their day of learning.

“I’m sorry everyone. Ms. Y/N had a hard night’s sleep. I’ll meet you all in the library in 15 minutes,” you said nodding over to them with another smile, this time more genuine.

You loved how much the children loved to learn. It gave you so much hope for their future and their kids after them.

“Why don’t you all run along and tell the others to start reading the story we are working on together until then,” you kindly instructed.

The kids all nodded in agreement and then went sprinting off to the main building to do just that.

You smiled genuinely to yourself at the sight, for a second forgetting the pain that was deep in your heart from your heartbreak last night. But once they were gone you were reminded of it again. Still, you had a job to do and it wasn’t the kids’ fault that any of this had happened to you.

So, you took a deep breath and went about your morning. You quickly brushed your teeth and hair. Then you changed your clothes, throwing the ones you had been wearing on the floor and looking at them in disgust. You never wanted to see them again. You picked them up and brought them to the garbage. You looked at them for a few seconds before dropping them in the trash.

You took a deep breath and turned to walk out the door.

Your feet hit the grass beneath you and you made your way through the trailer park city that had been created. Everyone nodded and greeted you with a friendly hello was you made your way out of the park and into the open space beyond. You looked over at the big building you were headed to and then glanced to your left at the barn, up towards the hayloft.

You saw Daryl sitting at the edge of the hayloft, legs dangling on the side as he pet Dog’s head and looked over the place with a look of satisfaction on his face. His eyes came to yours and you nodded a polite hello, trying to ignore the spark it created in your heart to have him focused on you.

He looked back over at you with hard curiosity for a moment before nodding back at you, keeping his eyes glued on you.

You forced your attention and focus forward and walked to work…

#teaser #you'll start again

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404gendernotfound · 5 years

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Living with a Hybrid Part 2 (Hybrid!Taeyong x Reader)

Summary: Your first day with your new companion Taeyong starts not in the best way, you keep feeling guilty and he tries to cheer you up throughout the day. While you’re shopping for clothes for him you get to know things about his past life and his owner. You decide to try and end the suffering for other androids that meet his previous owner.

Contains: angst, fluff

Warnings: mentioning of abuse

Wordcount: 5,2 K

Enjoy!

A/N: I was playing around with including some of the other boys in this story and decided to put Johnny and Mark as a couple into it. They are going to play a small role in this as the owners of a pancake shop called “Pancake Paradise” located on the first floor of your apartment complex.

Part 1

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I woke up having to go to the bathroom. I carefully shuffled out of Taeyongs grip and went to the bathroom connected with my room. After I was done, I looked at the alarm clock on my nightstand as I returned. It was only 7am but I was already awake and not sleepy anymore. I decided to quickly shower and get dressed to buy something from my favourite bakery downstairs. Before I left, I wrote a note for Taeyong.

“I’ll quickly get some breakfast for us. I’ll be back asap”

I laid the piece of paper next to him on the bed and quietly left the bedroom. I put on my shoes and locked the door before I headed downstairs. On the 1st floor was a little bakery called “Pancake Paradise” who made the best pancakes in the world. I walked in and already greeted the shop owners I was friends with since I came to live in this apartment.

“Good morning, Y/N”, Johnny greeted my while Mark was working on some pancakes a few meters away from him.

“Morning, boys. I’d have some pancakes to go, please”, I said and waved at Mark who now looked at me.

“The usual?”, he asked and already got some more pancake dough from the fridge next to him.

“Make it double”

“Uhhhh. Does someone have a boy over?”, Johnny asked smirking.

“It’s not like that. I found an injured hybrid yesterday on my way home and brought him to my apartment. He was scared and had nowhere to go.”, I explained and Johnnys jaw dropped.

“Damn. These abusive owners these days. We just had a pair here last week. The bunny hybrid with the boy was covered in marks. I wasn’t sure if it where bruises from abuse or something else. It looked frightened that day.”, Mark said looking up at me.

“Have you asked it what happened?”, Johnny asked interested.

“I did. But he began to cry so I decided not to ask until he comes to me by himself. I don’t want to pressure him”

“You said him. What’s his name?”, Mark asked putting some pancakes on a plate.

“Taeyong”

“You can ask him if he wants to hangout sometime when you’re at work. We could use a third person in the shop.”, Johnny suggested while he packed my pancakes into a bag.

“I will. I’ll take him with me next time I visit, I promise”, I said while I grabbed the bag from Johnny and gave him the money.

“See you”, the boys shouted in unison as I was about to leave the shop.

“Bye”

I walked to the elevator and waited for it to arrive. It didn’t take long until I got back to the 5th floor and walked to my apartment. I unlocked the door and opened it. What I found behind it almost broke my heart again. Taeyong was sitting next to the door with his head on his knees crying almost in the same position I found him yesterday. I closed the door while placing the bag with the pancakes on top of the shoe cabinet. As he heard the door close, he looked up with tears streaming down his face, stood up and jumped into my arms. He hugged me tight before he began to bang his fists against my shoulders.

“I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU!”, he cried while he hit me.

“Hey. What’s wrong? What happened?”, I asked and grabbed his wrists to stop him from hitting me.

“You promised you would be there when I wake up. You weren’t there and when I wanted to go and look for you the door was locked.”

“And you though I locked you in and left you here, right?”, I asked and he nodded.

My heart broke right then and there. I pulled him into a hug and softly stroked his hair trying to calm him down.

“I left you a note that I was just quickly downstairs to get some breakfast, but you must have missed it. And I’m sorry for locking the door. I’m just used to locking it after I leave since I’ve always lived alone in this apartment. I’m really sorry that I broke my promise. I wanted to surprise you but I guess I failed”, I explained.

He slowly stopped to cry and let go of me. Taeyong looked at me sad-eyed and one last tear rolled down his cheek. I reached out to wipe it away, but he flinched and moved away from me. I felt really bad for leaving him alone.

“I’m really sorry”

He turned away from me and crossed his arms. I got out of my shoes and grabbed the bag of pancakes and walked into the kitchen. Taeyong followed me without saying a word and sat down at the kitchen table. I took out the pancaked that were still warm and placed them on two plates. I carried them to the table and placed one of them in front of Taeyong. I then returned to the counter and searched for maple syrup, strawberry jam and some vanilla ice cream. As I found everything, I placed them on the table and sat down.

“You can eat now. These are for you. I hope you like them”

Taeyong looked at me and then took the maple syrup to pour some over his pancakes. He then put it back on the table and began to eat. I watched him while he took his first bites and then slowly began to smile a bit. He caught me staring and frowned. I looked away and began to eat mine with a bit of strawberry jam and ice cream.

“Thank you”, he mumbled after some time and after I looked up, I saw that he had already finished his portion.

He looked at my plate and then back at me.

“Would you like to try?”, I asked and he nodded.

He grabbed his fork and stuck it into a piece of pancake, dipping it in the jam and letting me put some ice cream on it. He tried it and hummed happily.

“Would you like the rest?”, I asked and he shook his head.

“It’s yours. I don’t wanna eat your food”, he explained.

“It’s ok. You can have it”, I said and moved the plate to his side.

“Really?”, he asked and his eyes sparkled for a moment.

“Yeah. Go on. Eat up”

Taeyong happily ate the rest and then stood up. I thought he was going to leave the kitchen but instead he came towards me and sat down on my lap. Surprised about his behaviour I carefully wrapped my arms around his waist and looked at him.

“I’m sorry.”, he apologised and nuzzled his head against my neck.

“You’re not mad anymore?”

“No”

“You’re sure? It doesn’t sound like that”, I said and began to tickle him a bit.

“Yeah. I’m sure”, he giggled and quickly grabbed my hands to stop me.

“I’ll search for the spare key so you can use it whenever you want”, I announced and earned a confused look from him.

“I can stay here?”, he asked and I already saw tears building in his eyes again.

“Of course. You said you had nowhere to go and it’s quite lonely in this apartment”

“Is that all?”, he asked and looked at me with curiosity in his eyes.

“No. I like you and you’re kinda cute”, I smirked at him and pinched his cheek.

“I like you, too.”, he giggled while his face turned a faint pink.

“Thank you”, he said and nuzzled his nose against mine.

I used this opportunity to quickly press a soft kiss to his nose. He blushed even more and tried to hide his face behind his hands. I then began to tickle him again. Taeyong started to laugh wholeheartedly and tried to wiggle out of my grip.

“Stop”, he laughed and tried to grab my hands.

“Oh. Are you ticklish?”, I asked as if I didn’t know that already and looked at him innocently.

“Yes. Very much”, he giggled and squirmed on top of me.

“What is the magic word?”, I asked smiling and still tickling him.

“Stop, please”, he begged and grabbed my hands as I stopped.

“Good boy”, I said and reached out to pet his head.

My praise made him smile and he pressed his head against my hand. I chuckled and ran my hand through his fluffy hair. He was just the cutest person on this planet. We sat there for quite some time.

“What do you wanna do today? I have a day off so we can do whatever you want to do. And we should definitely go out and buy you a collar”, I said and ran my fingers over his exposed neck.

“A collar sounds good and I need some clothes”, he mumbled and closed his eyes as I continued to run my fingertips over his neck.

He must be really sensitive there because he already got goose bumps all over his arms and neck.

“We’ll get everything you need later. For now, let’s just stay a bit more like this”

“Ok”, he mumbled and wrapped his arms around my neck pulling my head against his chest.

I now was able to listen to his heartbeat. It was fast and I thought the reason was that he was anxious but as I looked up at him, I saw a big smile on his face. He seemed to be really happy right now. I hugged him tight once more before I signalled him to stand up. I then grabbed his hand and walked to the front door.

“Wait here a second.”, I said and walked into the bedroom.

I searched in the desk for the spare key. I thought I had placed it with the others but it was nowhere to be seen. I finally found it under a few documents. I walked back to Taeyong who had sat down on the shoe cabinet.

“Open your hand”

He opened it and I placed the key in it. He stared at it and then back at me.

“Welcome home”, I said and smiled at him.

“Thank you”, he thanked me, stood up and hugged me.

I hugged him back and smiled. Now he had a home he could come back to. Now it was my mission to make him feel as much at home as possible. We parted again and I went to put a pair of shoes on. Taeyong watched my every step and then tilted his head.

“Where are you going?”, he asked.

“You mean ‘where are we going’. You are coming with me. We need to get you some stuff to go out. You can’t walk the streets looking like this”, I said and he looked confused.

“There are two boys that can help us for the time being until we get you some clothes later. Follow me”

He looked down at his feet and then at mine. He was probably wondering if he should follow me in his socks.

“I sadly have no shoes you can wear. That’s where those two boys come into my plan. Just come with me”

I held out my hand and he grabbed it. We walked out the door and I looked at him. He took out his key and locked the door. Taeyong looked so proud when he looked back at me. I pet his head playfully and then walked to the elevator with him. As we reached the first floor he began to smile as he saw where we were walking to. He must have recognised the logo on the paper bag of the pancakes.

“So this is where you went this morning”, he stated and then kept walking towards the door.

“Sorry”, I mumbled still feeling a bit bad for leaving him alone at the house.

The automatic door opened and the little bell above the door rang. Johnny looked up from behind the counter and smiled at me as he saw us. He nudged Marks side who now looked at us too. I felt Taeyong tighten his grip on my hand. I squeezed his hand trying to tell him that this was ok. We walked up to the counter and Johnny smiled at Taeyong.

“Taeyong, right?”, he asked and the slightly scared hybrid next to me nodded.

“I’m Johnny and this is Mark. We own this place and we are good friends with Y/N”, he explained and I noticed Taeyong relax a bit.

“We came here to ask you guys a favour. He needs some fitting clothes for the time being until we got him some. So maybe you can lend us something for a few hours until we’re done with shopping?”, I asked and Mark smiled.

“Of course. Johnny can take on the shop for some time alone. Taeyong, you can come with me”, he said and walked out from behind the counter to our side.

Taeyong looked at me with a confused look. I squeezed his hand once more and leaned to his ear.

“It’s ok. I’ll be waiting here. He is a nice guy. He is safe”, I winked and he let go of my hand nodding.

I saw Taeyong follow Mark out of the shop. I turned to Johnny who had a slightly worried look on his face.

“You ok? You look like a mother letting go of her child”

“I’m ok. I’m more worried about Taeyong. You should have seen him cry this morning. I wasn’t there when he woke up even though I promised and he was so scared that I had left him. I don’t know if he will ever lose his anxiety around other people. He was almost trembling as we walked in here.”, I explained and Johnny listened carefully.

“He will be fine. I can tell by the way he looks at you. You are his saviour right now. That’s why he wants to spend all his time with you. You shouldn’t worry too much about him. Taeyong seems strong and if he manages to warm up to Mark and I we can be there for him too. Then it’s like a small family he gained and he will feel a lot safer. You are not alone with this”, he reassured and smiled at me.

“I knew I could count on you guys”

We talked a bit more about some stuff until the bell on the door rang again. I looked towards it to see that Taeyong was walking next to Mark holding his hand and smiling. I was a bit surprised by the view before me. I didn’t think he would warm up so someone close to me this fast. But I was happy to see him this smiley. He looked really good in the clothes Mark had given him. He was wearing a pair of black jeans, a jean jacket with a striped pullover under it, a black hat and a pair of white sneakers that looked great with the rest of the outfit. Mark whispered something to Taeyong and his eyes lit up. He then let go of his hand and walked towards me. Or should I say he almost ran. He stopped in front of me and smiled at me.

“How do I look?”, he asked and spinned on the spot showing me off his outfit.

“You look great, Taeyongie”, I praised him and pat his shoulder.

“Mark said you would like it”, he said and smiled at the younger boy behind the counter.

“Oh he did?”

I looked at Mark who winked at Taeyong who started to giggle beside me. Looks like they’re already friends. Taeyong stepped closer to me and grabbed my hand. I smiled and look at the handsome boy next to me. What a cutie.

“We’re ready to go, right?”, Taeyong asked and whipped back and forth on his feet.

“I guess. Then see you boys.”

“See you. And have fun”, Mark and Johnny shouted after us in unison as we left the shop.

We walked through the lobby where a few people were passing us. Some of them looked at Taeyong. I noticed his tense next to me. As we left the building, he stopped walking and looked at me.

“Why were they staring at me?”, he asked a hint of confusion and uneasiness in his voice.

“They looked at you because you’re new in this building and probably because you are a very handsome young man”, I explained and squeezed his hand.

“Y-you th-think I’m handsome?”, he stuttered and slightly blushed.

“Of course. You look really good in this outfit and you have a really pretty face”

I winked at him and started walking again. He followed me still clinging to my hand. We had to walk about 10 minutes to reach the bus stop that lead directly to the city centre where all the shops where located. We waited for the bus and then got on it driving for another 10 minutes. Right across the street at out destined bus stop was a shop especially for hybrids clothing.

“Would you like to shop there?”, I asked Taeyong.

“Can we go to other shop too?”, he asked back and I nodded.

“Then let’s start here.”

We crossed the street and walked into the huge shop. A shop assistant greeted us at the entrance. I already noticed the fluffy tail and hanging ears. So hybrids work here, too. The dog hybrid walked over to us.

“Welcome in this shop. I see your hybrid doesn’t have a collar. I guess you’re to buy one”, she said and I nodded.

“Would you follow me please”

Taeyong and I followed her deeper into the shop towards a wall that was filled with different collars. All of them looked prettier than the other. Some had a simple normal design like a dogs collar, others were colourful and had fancy features like sparkly stones or studs on them. Taeyong let go of my hand and walked towards the simpler designed once. He looked back at me as he stood in front of the wall.

“Choose whichever you like”, I said and he nodded.

His gaze wandered over the collars and after some time he just chose a simple black collar with no fancy additions to it. The shop assistant walked over to him and grabbed the collar from his hands. Without hesitation he turned around and let the assistant put his collar on. I didn’t know why but I had the feeling that he had been here already once and was used to this. As the collar was positioned he thanked the assistant and walked back over to me.

“Is this ok?”, he asked.

“Of course. Whatever you like. You can walk around the shop and pick whatever you like. I’ll stay here for some time.”

“Are you sure? These clothes aren’t cheep.”, he explained and looked a bit sad.

“I said it’s ok. There is no price I wouldn’t pay for you, Taeyongie. Now go and pick what you like”

He smiled at me and then walked into the shop. I saw the shop assistant still looking after him. As she noticed me staring at her she came walking over. She signalled me to follow her and I did. We arrived at the counter at the shop entrance.

“Would you like to drink a coffee?”, she asked and I nodded.

“Is it possible that you two know each other?”, I asked as she was focused on the coffee machine.

“Yeah. It’s not the first time he came here. Well, his owner was the one who mostly came here. I only saw him once when he got his collar. I remembered him as soon as I saw you two. I heard about his owner. I don’t know if you know this but his owner is known to treat his ‘pets’ how he calls them not the best way. Some of those hybrids never visited again or were seen around this area. But nobody really seemed to care. I was surprised to see him in this good condition.”, she told me and handed me the mug with warm coffee.

“I wouldn’t call his condition good but there must have been hybrids looking a lot worse than him. I guess there are still those bad people out there that think your kind doesn’t deserve human right and stuff like that. It’s fucked up.”

“There were some hybrids I knew that lost some fingernails or had clipped ears. Some of them had pretty bad injuries like broken limbs or scars all over their bodies. I’m really glad to see him this healthy. I guess you’re taking good care of him.”

“I hope I can be of help to him. I just found him yesterday and I guess I was able to loosen some of his fears.”

“I bet you will be the perfect owner. And that is not the human side of me speaking.”, she said and winked at me.

“Thanks for the compliment and for the coffee. I should look where he is.”

“Alright. Just come back with all the stuff he needs and I’ll give you a discount since it’s your first time shopping here”

“Thanks”

I placed the mug back on the counter and walked into the shop. I was walking through the rows with different clothes for hybrids of all kinds. A leopard with his owner walked by me and the leopard stopped to talk to me.

“If you are searching for the handsome cat just go to the fitting rooms down this row and you’ll find him”, he told me and smiled.

“Thank you”

I walked into the direction he just mentioned and turned back once more to look at them. As soon as the leopard had returned to his owner he pet his head praising him and placed a kiss on his forehead. I could feel the love between those two from meters away. I smiled and walked towards the fitting rooms. I arrived there seeing that only one room was being used at the moment.

“Taeyong are you in there?”, I asked.

“I’ll be right out. Just wait a second”, he said.

Just a few seconds after he said that he walked out with a pile of clothes on his arm. I saw a few pants especially made for hybrids with a tail and some underwear and other stuff.

“Are you satisfied with what you chose?”, I asked and he nodded.

“Then let’s go and pay”

Taeyong grabbed my hand with his free one and intertwined our fingers. I chuckled and walked hand in hand towards the entrance. The shop assistant smiled brightly at us and grabbed a cotton bag. We handed her the clothes and she scanned them and packed them into the bag.

“This costs about 150 dollars. Are you paying cash or card?”, she asked and I already handed her my card.

She ran it through the machine and gave it back to me. She gave the bag to Taeyong who smiled at her.

“Thank you. Have a nice day”, he said and already walked towards the door.

“Thank you for coming to the shop. You’re welcome every time”, she said towards me and I smiled at her.

I handed her a paper with my number an.

“Call me whenever you see that bastard of owner again. I’m not gonna let him do anything to any kind of hybrid ever again.”

“I will. Thank you for your dedication”

“No need to thank me. Someone must do something. I’ll see you”

“Bye”, she sad and waved as I left the shop.

Taeyong was obediently waiting in front of the shop. I walked towards him and pet his head.

“What is this for?”, he asked and quietly purred.

“For being such a polite boy. I’m proud of you”, I praised him and kissed his forehead.

He got shy for a moment before he grabbed my hand again.

“Let’s go to the next shop”, he said enthusiastic.

I giggled at his excitement and followed his lead. We visited different shops and bought some stuff here and there. We had stopped at a hot dog stand as we noticed that it was already time for lunch. It was about 5 pm now and Taeyong seemed to get tired of running around the city shopping for clothes. I stopped walking and squeezed his hand.

“I think this is enough for now. We should head back home”

Just after I had mentioned home, he yawned and nodded agreeing. We walked back to the bus stop and drove back home. As we arrived at the apartment complex, we saw Johnny and Mark closing up the shop right as we entered the lobby. Taeyong let go of my hand and walked faster towards the boys.

“Look who’s here”, Mark said to Johnny and he turned to look at us.

“Are you done with shopping?”, he asked Taeyong and he nodded.

“You’ll get your clothes back when I washed them.”, I said towards Mark and he shook his head.

“No need. I told Taeyong he could keep them. They fit him perfectly and the look a lot better on him than on me.”, he winked towards Taeyong who giggled.

“I guess you’re right”, I said and Mark playfully hit me.

“Are you saying that I wouldn’t look good in those clothes?”, he asked playing offended and held a hand over his heart acting hurt by my words.

“No she’s saying you look bad in everything”, Johnny teased and started laughing.

Mark looked between Johnny, Taeyong and I who were laughing at him now.

“You guys are mean”, he said pouting and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh honey, don’t be mad”, Johnny said and grabbed his better half by his waist.

“Guys not in front of an innocent hybrid. This is not appropriate. Keep it PG”, I said as Mark softly kissed Johnny.

“I’m not innocent”, Taeyong stated next to me staring at those two boys looking at each other all lovey-dovey.

“Whatever you say. We’ll go upstairs now. See you”, I said and grabbed Taeyong by his hands before his eyes were falling out from gawking at those lovers.

They waved goodbye and we walked into the elevator. Taeyong began to speak as soon as the doors were closed.

“I had a feeling that those two love each other. They look at each other in this special way”, he said and looked at me with his big doe eyes.

“Yeah. Those two are inseparable. They really love each other. I’m happy for them.”, I said smiling thinking about the first time I met those two.

“Do you have someone like that in your life?”, Taeyong asked out of nowhere.

“Me? No. I don’t have someone like that. I have you now. That’s more than enough”, I smiled at him and stepped out of the elevator since it had arrived at our floor.

Taeyong stood there as if he was frozen. I grabbed him by his hands and dragged him towards the door. He took out his key and opened the door still with a proud look on his face. We walked in, took of our clothes and the walked to the bedroom with the bags of clothing. I walked towards my closet and emptied out parts of it so that Taeyong could place his clothes there. As I was finished I turned towards the bed to see that Taeyong had sorted his new belongings by kind of clothing and all of them were folded perfectly.

“You can put your clothes here. This part of the closet is yours. If you need more I can clear out some more stuff.”, I said and he nodded starting to fill the now still empty space.

“Thank you. Today was really fun”, Taeyong said after finishing and walked over to hug me.

“It really was. Exhausting but fun. I hope you didn’t feel uncomfortable at all today”

“No. I was fine. Thanks to you”, he mumbled against my shoulder and hugged me even tighter.

I kissed his head and then pet his head. He started to purr and nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck. God I already loved this cutie too much. The more time I spend with him the more I wanted him to never leave my side. I must be crazy to fall for him this quickly. Taeyong looked up at me and seemed to notice that I was thinking hard about something.

“Are you ok?”, he asked and nuzzled his nose with mine.

“Yes I am. Just tired.”, I said and walked towards the bed letting myself fall on it.

Taeyong followed me shortly and laid down next to me resting his head on my chest.

“Then let’s sleep for a bit. You’ll feel better.”, he said and snuggled closer to me.

He was worrying over me even though I should be worrying about him. It was too cute. I wrapped my arms around his body and turned so that I was laying on my side facing him. He looked at me and cupped my face with his hands. He pulled my head closer to him and then placed a kiss on my forehead. This time both our cheeks turned a faint pink.

“Good night”, he mumbled and closed his eyes.

“Good night, Taeyongie”

I closed my eyes and just laid there for a bit listening to his breathing. After some time, I noticed him move a bit and felt the blanket being pulled up over our bodies. He snuggled closer to me again.

“I’m glad you don’t have someone by your side. I wanted to fill that space. I hope you’ll let me one day”, he whispered.

My heart stopped for a second and I really had to control myself not to start crying over his confession. He must have been thinking I was already sleeping. It was the cutest think that ever happened to me and touched me deep in my heart. The warmth from his words spread towards my whole body and I hoped this feeling would never go away.

Next Part

#nct #nct taeyong #nct 127 #nct 127 taeyong #nct fluff #fluff #angst #kpop #hybrid taeyong #taeyong lee #living with a hybrid #hybrid au #taeyong x reader

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imagesofthegreatgull · 4 years

Text

Hybrid Rainbow

Joy has always been a rare and precious commodity. I would argue, though, that in the developed world (Wherever, exactly, that is), it has become somewhat less rare in recent times, as standards of living and education continue to go up. That’s an absurdly privileged thing to say, I realize, but I’m trying to start this thing as evenhandedly as I can. I understand about suffering and poverty; I’m reading A Tree Grows In Brooklyn right now, even! Okay, saying we’re closer now than ever to utopia is going to smack of ignorance no matter how you phrase it, but it also strikes me as undeniably true, in the grand scheme of things. I think most people--aside from the fascists--would refuse a one-way trip in a time machine to any previous era, or at the very least, would recognize that it wouldn’t improve much of anything for them. As unruly as our age is, it’s still probably the best one we’ve gotten thus far, and as the boot-heel of oppression starts to ever so slowly ease up its pressure on the necks of the long-suffering masses, the question has begun to enter into the collective consciousness: what is to be done with joy when it begins to fall, unbidden, into your life with something like abundance? What is to be done if moments of joy no longer must be pried with great effort and sacrifice from the rockface of life, but lie strewn liberally throughout our days, needing only the will and lack of embarrassment to seize them?

Thus far, the latter-day generations have faced up to this problem with decidedly mixed success. The idea that expecting anything other than the very worst leaves one vulnerable to the universe’s cruel whims has been stamped upon the human brain for centuries, and has left many sadly unable to recognize their own privilege (Which, by the way, is a big part of why a whole lotta white folks refuse to admit they have it better than anyone else and continue to dig their heels in against progress because to them it looks like cutting in line). It is still widely accepted that constantly finding joy and peace and purpose in one’s own life is the purview of children and children alone, that it is a naivete to be grown out of. We have the impulse always within us to be hard, to be warlike, to show the world that we’re not weak and frivolous but monsters to be feared, without emotions to be appealed to or ideals to be fallen short of.

Remedying this problem has turned out to be one of the primary functions of counterculture. If it is often unhelpful to simply look at the entire value system of one’s parents and say “Fuck that”, as it tends to foster a rather negative self-definition, still, if part of that value system is a deeply entrenched distrust of happiness, “Fuck that” may be exactly the response called for. The beauty of “Fuck that” is that it leaps past the slow loss of faith in something and arrives immediately at a flat rejection of it, and since much of the history of civilization has been bound up with blind faith in arbitrary and harmful things, the ability and the courage to flatly reject something, to give it no credit for however widely accepted it is but to dismiss it as bullshit from the ground up, is a step forward in human consciousness tantamount to the reinvention of the wheel.

The great irony of the end of the sixties is that all the hippies were miserable for no reason: they won. Rock n’ roll did change the world, it just didn’t immediately transform it on every level into an unrecognizable nirvana. For all the apparent emptiness of its utopian dreams, the basic thrust of the thing worked out just fine: that particular cat will never be put back into its bag, and those ideas are now out in the ether forever, always waiting for someone to find them and be inspired to change their own life and the lives of those around them for the better. The same goes for the punk rock revolution a few years later: they may not have brought the bastards down, but they did successfully bring personal liberation to a lot of people, and poured exactly as much gas on the fires of populism as they intended to. Culture, and in particular art and in particular music, cannot, unassisted, change the world, but it can change your world, and has been changing small worlds all over the frigging place at least since those mop-topped Brits set foot on American shores and probably since Johnny B. Goode learned to play guitar just like a-ringin’ a bell.

The thread can get lost, however. Culture is always a reflection of the people, and the people still spend a lot of their time bored, frustrated, and terrified of letting on that they have feelings about stuff. Young people especially, formerly the eternal pirate crew waving high the flags of “Liberty” and “Up Yours”, in recent times have often capitulated and resigned themselves to no more than a few stray moments of fun pilfered from the fortresses of the almighty Money Man-Kings, usually in the form of drugs, sex, and reckless self-endangerment. The cost of the hippies and the punks giving up their battles is that the counterculture lost its intellectual leadership, at least until the resurgence in political literacy in the 2010s. In the wasteland following the 70s, there were no John Lennons or Joe Strummers to look to for guidance; even the people who were elected to speak for their generation seemed adamant that there was fuck-all they could really say. Yeah, it’s nice to know that someone else feels stupid and contagious, but that’s not really a direction, is it? The generation-defining message Kurt Cobain and his peers sent out was “We’re all way too fucked up to do anything about anything”, and that introspective moodiness pervaded American underground rock music from the invention of hardcore at least all the way up to the moment Craig Finn watched The Last Waltz with Tad Kubler and said “Why aren’t there bands like this anymore?” and set out with rest of the Steadies in tow to remind everyone that music can save your immortal soul and that hey, that Springsteen guy was really onto something, headband and all, and together they all successfully ushered in the New Uncool and now we’ve got Patrick Stickles wailing that “If the weather’s as bad as the weatherman says, we’re in for a real mean storm!” and Brian Fallon admitting “I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis” and everything’s great, except it’s not, everything’s fucked, but rock n’ roll is here to stay, come inside now it’s okay, and I’ll shake you, ooo-ooo-ooo.

The point of all this is my belief that even with the responsibility rock music has to provide cathartic outlets for dissatisfaction, is has an equal or greater responsibility to provide heroes. I think it’s time we all got over pretending that we’re better than the need for heroes, because we all insist on having them anyway, imperfect roses by any other name, and we’d do a hell of a lot better selecting them if we just admitted what we were after. We don’t just want particularly talented comrades, we want King Arthur, Robin Hood, Superman, Malcolm Reynolds. Damn it all, they don’t need to be perfect, they don’t even need to be all that great really, and yeah, Arthur dies, and Robin never gets Prince John, and Superman can’t save everyone, and the war’s over, we’re all just folk now, and John Lennon beat women and Van Morrison is a grumpy old fart and John Lydon’s a disgrace, but it’s the faith that counts. The faith that there’s something greater than ourselves that some people are more keyed into than others, and that whatever they can relay from that other side is what’ll see us through. All the best prophets are madmen, and madmen aren’t always romantic fools; sometimes they hurt people, or fail at crucial moments due to a compulsion they can’t control. Let he who is without sin etcetera, right? Why not cast aside realism and sincerely believe in something or someone, huh?

I believe in the Pillows. I don’t know hardly anything about them; my expertise of Japanese culture and history extends to the anime I’ve seen and that “History of Japan” YouTube video that made the rounds a while back. I can’t locate them within the Japanese music scene; all their western influences seem obvious to me, and the rest I know nothing about. They’re the only rock band from their country I’ve listened to any great amount of, I don’t speak the language they mostly sing in, I don’t even know their career very well. The particulars of any experiences they might have had that motivated them to make the art they make are not ones I could possibly share in, so, saying that I “Relate” to their work sounds a little preposterous. They ought to be a novelty to me, a band that clearly likes a lot of the same bands I do despite hailing from a foreign shore, marrying that shared music taste with a cultural identity I have nothing to do with, a small, nice upswing of globalism pleasing to my sense of universalism but not having any kind of quantifiable impact on me.

Yet I, like a good many other westerners, believe in the Pillows. I’m a little buster, and my eyes just watered as I wrote that. In fact, it’s likely because of the barriers of language and culture that exist between us that my belief in the Pillows is so strong. Pete Townshend, someone else I believe in, once opened a show by saying “You are very far away...but we will fucking reach you”, and though the Pillows are both geographically (At the moment) and culturally miles away from me, Lord strike me down if they don’t fucking reach me. They reach me in a way many of their American college rock peers, many of their biggest influences in fact, never have. Dinosaur Jr, Bob Mould, Sonic Youth, the Pixies, Nirvana--all these artists speak directly to the American adolescent experience, but though they have all moved me to one degree or another, none of them have produced a body of work I can so readily see myself in as that of the Pillows. Maybe it is the novelty of it, maybe I’m fooling myself and it is just my sense of universalism carrying me away, but there’s something I hear in the Pillows that I don’t hear in those bands, and though the obvious candidate for that thing would be the foreign tongue the majority of the lyrics are written in, when it comes down to it, I think that thing is joy.

Joy, to me, is the possibility glimpsed by rock n’ roll. Not hedonistic pleasure, not a sadistic glee over the outrage of authority figures, but real, true, open-hearted, “Freude, schöner Götterfunken/Tochter aus Elysium”--type joy. Buddy Holly had joy. The Beatles, The Who, the pre-fall Rod Stewart, they had joy. Springsteen’s got joy to spare. Those people have such profound love for their art and their audience that just the continual recognition of the fact that they have a guitar in their hands and they’re being allowed to play it is enough to make them ecstatic, and whenever they want to actually express something serious they have to get themselves under control to do it. Yet, whether it’s the unfashionability of those utopian dreams, or the simple fact that rock music has become accepted by mainstream culture and is now a commonplace, unremarkable thing, but half the people who have picked up an electric guitar for the past few decades don’t seem all that excited about it. From Kim Gordon snarling about how people go down to the store to buy some more and more and more and more, to Thom Yorke moaning about how he’s let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground, even up to Courtney Barnett asking how’s that for first impressions, this place seems depressing, it’s not really a given anymore, if it ever was, that people who make rock music are very joyful in what they do.

Of course, I’m not demanding that our artists be empty-headed fluff-factories; far from it. The Pillows write sad songs and angry songs same as everybody else. But the important thing is this: every song the Pillows play is played with an exuberance and abandon that is immediately striking, regardless of the emotional content of each song. Channelling that kind of revelry into rock music is both to my mind the initial purpose of the genre in the first place and something which has become so rare as to be remarkable. A veneer of detached cool, a howling ferocity, a whimpering woundedness--these have become the hallmarks of American rock music, and they are nowhere to be found in the Pillows.

At the same time, the Pillows are the very antithesis of artlessness. Joy of the caliber they deal in is more commonly found in folky rave-ups, a lack of musicianship giving way to trancelike festivity. But the Pillows are skilled song craftsmen like few others; their sound has evolved throughout the years, but they tend to settle in the neighborhood of power-pop, abounding in glorious hooks and surprising structures. A hundred unnecessary, perfect touches seem to exist in every song; a pause, a solo, a bassline, all deftly elevating the song into a perfect expression of something sublime, something that always--always--takes ahold of the musicians themselves and imbues their performances with power and purpose the likes of which most little busters can only dream of feeling. It should be testament enough to their brilliance that upon first listen to a song I never know what most of the lyrics mean, but whenever I look up a translation, they always turn out to be exactly what I felt they must be; their songs are so musically communicative that they all but lack the need for lyrics.

This dual nature is why I believe in the Pillows: by so utterly failing to neglect both the highest possibilities of musical composition as an unparalleled tool for capturing emotional nuance and the unrestrained id-like rush that is the province of rock n’ roll, they successfully attain the lofty realm that is--or ought to be--the goal of music in the first place. Never once is there a hint of straying into the realm of primitivism nor into overthought seriousness, and instead they locate themselves somehow exactly center on the scale between punk and prog, lacking the weaknesses and gaining the strengths of both. They make rock whole again by finally disproving the tenet initially laid out by their heroes, your heroes, and mine, The Beatles: the notion that growing up means having less fun. The viscerally exciting early work of The Beatles lacks any of the depth and vision displayed by their later records, but those records are so carefully and expertly crafted that they tend to lose spontaneity, and constantly second-guess themselves where the juvenilia they followed forged unselfconsciously ahead. That legendary career path has laid out a false dichotomy that every proceeding generation of kids with guitars has chosen between, save for the few who could see past it, the ones who heard the wildness in “Revolution” and the wisdom in “Twist and Shout” and realized that they were of a piece, were one and the same, not to be chosen between but embraced fully. Pete Townshend. Bruce Springsteen. Joe Strummer. David Byrne. Paul Westerberg. The Pillows. The real heroes are not those who champion one side or another but fight all their lives for peace between them, knowing that we have not yet begun to imagine what could be accomplished if that were made possible.

Just as they bypass the divide between what Patrick Stickles termed the Apollonian and Dionysian tendencies of rock (I prefer to think of the usual battle as being between the Dionysians and the Athenians, with the true devotees of Apollo being most of those heroes I keep referring to, except Dylan, who might be a Hermesian), so too do the Pillows bypass the Pacific frigging ocean. And the Atlantic, to boot. Their music quotes the Pixies and The Beatles directly, and obviously owes much to Nirvana and all their college rock predecessors who spent the entire 80s desperately stacking themselves until the doomed power trio could finally vault over the wall. Their first record is practically a tribute to XTC. They do speak a lot of English, too. I’m informed that much of western culture is seen as the epitome of coolness in Japan, which might explain their obsession with Baseball, and apparently sprinkling a bit of the Saxon tongue into the mix is far from uncommon in the music scene(s). Regardless, there is something ineffably touching to a distant fan in a foreign land about hearing Sawao Yamanaka spit “No surrender!” or exclaim “Just runner’s high!” It looks from here like a show of mutual effort to understand me as much as I’m trying to understand them. They’re generous enough to have already walked to the middle where they’re asking me to meet them, a middle where it doesn’t matter that I don’t have a suffix attached to my name or that they don’t wear shoes in houses. The invisible continent that all forward-thinking and sensitive people come to long for is where the Pillows are broadcasting from, because they’ve realized that its golden shores and spiraling cities are attainable. They’re attainable with joy, with the fundamentally rebellious act of refusing to let the fascists bring down even your globdamn day, because who the hell gave them that power other than us? I know enough about Japan and America to know that either one accusing the other of being imperialist and socially conservative to a fault is a fucking joke, and to know that we’ve done a lot more wrong to them than they’ll ever do to us and the presence of the Pillows amounts to a “We forgive you”, not an “I’m sorry”. Having watched a decent amount of anime, which is basically the result of Japan’s mind being blown by western media and then proceeding to show their love by often almost inadvertently surpassing their inspirations, I know that the only way to save our respective national souls and everybody else’s too is to put our knuckles down, have Jesus and Buddha shake hands like Kerouac tried to explain that they would anyway, and embrace each other’s dreams and passions and adopt them into our own.

It takes better people to inhabit that better world, and in case that sounds like fascist talk, I mean we’ve got to do better, not be better. It’s no physical imperfection that holds us back, nor a mental imperfection exactly, as we all have our own neuroses and if we expunge those then we’ll be kissing art and lot of other vital stuff goodbye. No, it’s our discomfort with ourselves, our world, our neighbors, our aliens, that keep us from seeing that crazy sunshine. If we can’t even acknowledge the greatness around us, that surplus of joy I mentioned a while back that we just seem to have no idea what to do with, then we have no hope of ever achieving further greatness, of ever quelling man’s inhumanity to man down to an inevitable fringe rather than the basic order of the world.

There was always more to do

Than just eat and work and screw

But now that there’s time at last to do those things, we’re still afraid to, afraid that we’ll come up empty, that the search for fulfillment leads only to disappointment, better to hang back and play it safe, better not to risk becoming one of those people I shake my head at and pity and will secretly envy until I die. It’s a new world, and we must learn to be new people. I believe in the Pillows because I believe they make excellent models for that new kind of person. The way they behave in the studio and on the stage is the way people behave when they’re truly free, and we’ve all been set free already or will be soon, so if we’re going to try and learn what the fuck is next from anyone, I think we might as well learn from the Pillows. At least, that’s one of the places we could get that insight. There’s a lot of art and a lot of philosophy and political theory to sift through to in order to put together a workable 21st century identity, and the Pillows are hardly the only people to have begun making the leap. But because of a silly thing like the size of the earth, the infinitesimal size of the earth even compared to the distance between us and the next rock we’re gonna try and get to, not everybody is getting their particular brand of free thought and action, and I happen to think that’s regrettable, and it’s my will as a free individual to rectify it as much as I can.

Writing about music really is worthless, isn’t it? I haven’t said jackshit about what the Pillows actually do other than to vaguely qualify their genre and temperament, and the only more useless thing I could do than not describing their songs would be to describe their songs. If you don’t hear the bracing weightlessness in “Blues Drive Monster”, or the aching nostalgia in “Patricia”, or the soul-bearing cry in “Hybrid Rainbow” then nothing I could write about those would be more effective than “Little Busters is a really good album.” The better primer might be Happy Bivouac, from a few years later; it has the melancholic rush of “Last Dinosaur”, the ascended teenybopper “Whoa, whoa, yeah” chorus in “Backseat Dog”, and the intro that should make it obvious immediately that you’re listening to one of the best songs ever recorded which opens “Funny Bunny”. Those two, Runners High, and Please, Mr. Lostman are the classic era, selections from the former three immortalized in their biggest claim to western fame, the FLCL soundtrack, a brilliant use of their music that could warrant an equally long piece. Before and after those four are periods of experimentation and discovery equally worth your time, not all of which I’m familiar with yet. See, now I’m just an incomplete Wikipedia article; it’d be equally worthless to expound upon the individual bandmates, on the pure yawp of Yamanaka’s vocals, on the passionate drumming of Yoshiaki Manabe and the supernaturally faultless lead guitar of Shinichiro Sato, or the contribution of founding bassist Kenji Ueda, which was so valued by the others that when he left he was never officially replaced (They’re so sweet). I’m not here to write an advertisement or a press-release, I don’t really even know why I’m here writing this, but I know that I believe in the Pillows, that they’re important, and that people should write about them. I’m being the change I want to see in the world, get it? That’s all we can be asked to do.

It occurs to me that people believed in Harvey Dent too, and that didn’t turn out so well. Hell, let’s leave the comic book pages behind, people believe in Donald Trump, they think he’s a hero, and that’s all going down in flames as I write this. Having heroes can be dangerous, but I still believe it’s not as dangerous as not having heroes. “Lesser of two evils” sounds an awful lot like one of those false dichotomies between fun and intelligence or between misery and foolishness I mentioned earlier, so, let’s call it a qualified good. I’m not much of a responsible world-citizen if my only effort towards bringing the planet together is spinning some sweet Japanese alt-rock tunes and bragging about how open-minded I am, but if I do ever end up doing anyone any good, then I’d consider it paying forward the good done to me by the Pillows, among others. They helped me form my identity as an artist (Read: functional human being) and they made my adolescence a lot easier. Actually, that’s a lie: my adolescence was (And continues to be) pretty easy already, and the Pillows reassured me that I wasn’t avoiding reality by feeling that. While American bands sang about the downsides of being a mallrat or a non-mallrat, the Pillows offered a vision of teenagedome much like my own, one that was grandly romantic, in which suffering wasn’t a cosmic stupidity but a trial with pathos and merit, and joy was not an occasional indulgence but a constant presence, whether it was lived in or lost and needing recovery.

That’s the old idea of youth, the youth of John Keats, the youth that makes the old miss it, makes it required that we explain to them that it’s still there, it never left, it’s a dream, a momentary affirmation, an attitude, a muttered curse word. So many of my peers, now no longer engaged in a constant race to stay out of the grave as their ancestors were, seemed intent on beating each other into their tombs, as if reaching walking death before their parents was the only way to outgrow them. There’s so much life just lying around and it’s just plain wasteful to let it lie in the sun and rust in the rain. There’s space enough to stretch, to not keep who you are awkwardly curled up inside yourself, to breathe the air and taste the wine and dig the brains of your fellow travelers in this loosely-defined circus. I found that space in the Pillows, having often suspected it was there, and while everyone is going to find that space in their own way--or not, still, tragically not--I have to think that experience was due in part to some innate and unique quality of the music itself, not just a complimentary sensibility contained within myself. The Pillows are free, and that makes them freeing, it’s easy as that. Their liberation is plain as day; it rings in every chord, every snare-hit, every harmony; it’s up to us ascertain what we can do in our own limited capacity to hoist ourselves up to their level and give some other folks a boost along the way and a hand to grab afterwards. It’s the gift that art gives us, and the Pillows just give it more freely than most is all, which is why I think the suggestion to listen to them is more than just a solid recommendation. Like the insistence on listening to The Beatles, or The Clash, or any of the others, it’s a plea to save your soul, to learn the language of tomorrow and drink the lifeblood of peace and love and piss and vinegar, or else you’ll be lost, lost, lost.

Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?

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