#and the managers take forever to respond when we ask for help and I've just had enough

[unamused-kookaburra]

Fighting the urge to act like this at work now that I've been offered a grad position at the hospital

[illyrian-dreamer]

Our Girl – Part 4

Azriel x Cassian x fem reader angst

Summary: Deeming you unfit for a mission, the Inner Circle have betrayed your trust and shattered your life’s mission to avenge you sister. And the two males you love most were at the centre of it all.

Word count: 7.3k

Warnings: Smut [18+, minors DNI]

You stared at the gold invitation, cursive writing announcing Cresseida to be wed in a months time. And there was your name printed, Y/N and partners. You had scoffed when you first saw it – maybe in another life.

You were chewing your lip, lost in thought on whether to attend or not. You knew at the least, Rhys and Feyre would attend the wedding – that meant seeing them. And word would surely spread of your work at Spring Court once you got to chatting to other guests – that would reveal your location. 

“Whats bothering you, young spark?” Finbark asked from the kitchen, busy chopping vegetables as a pot of stew boiled behind him. He looked up briefly, spotting the invitation in your hand. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking of not attending?” 

“I don't want to risk what I have here.”

“Y/N, everything you’ve worked for is already yours. Your home here, your work, even your privacy, no one can take that away from you now, not even a High Lord or Lady.”

“I know, you’re right. It’s just… I've so enjoyed my little bubble away from everything that happened. Seeing them… they made me feel so small Fin, so helpless. I don't know if I can stand going through that again.”

“So much has happened since then. Look at all you’ve done, all you’ve accomplished. Thousands of fae, gods, even the entire damn court is mending thanks to you. You were never small, and you have proven that to yourself over and over again.”

A wobbly smile jerked at your lips, tears pricking in your eyes. He wiped his hands, leaving the vegetables to come cup your face, brushing away your tears.

“You cannot lock yourself in Spring Court forever, sweetheart. Don't punish yourself for their mistakes, expand your horizons, celebrate with friends that are equally yours as they are theirs. And celebrate yourself, you deserve that even more.”

You reached for your uncle’s rippled hand, holding it tight. “Thank you, Finbark. You mean the world to me.”

“And you me, young spark.” 

So it was decided. You would attend the wedding, without any partners.

————

“Where are we going?” you called from Podie, Tamlin a few paces ahead on his own horse. He was leading you through a trail you weren't familiar with.

“For the umpteenth time Y/N, it’s a surprise.” He called back without turning his head. 

You let out an audible sigh, to which Tamlin chuckled. You did your best not to admire his ass as he straddled a horse – it helped neither of you how handsome Tamlin looked in his riding clothes. You pressed your heels to Podie, coming to trot beside him.

“You should know I hate surprises,” you sang.

“Even the good kind? What a shame,” Tamlin responded, clearly not letting up on where he was taking you. You poked your tongue out, earning another chuckle.

It had been several months since your first dinner with Tamlin, and you had fallen into a comfortable pattern with the High Lord. You enjoyed a regular drink or meal together when your work crossed paths, and he had even consulted you on advice for his court, which flattered you. His company was a consistent pleasure, and you treasured the friendship you had formed – the Gods knew you needed it.

You managed to bite your tongue for another twenty minutes, and just as you were about to pester him again, Tamlin spoke. “It’s just up this trail.”

Pulling the reins of his horse, Tamlin led you down a steep path, hidden much by overhanging trees and bushes, only to reveal a clearing.

No, not a clearing – a field, blossoming with rows of carefully planted pink flowers. And as you got closer, the size of the field was revealed, bordered by a low wooden fence. It was… a farm?

You drew in an audible breath as the scent of the flowers hit you. You widened your eyes at Tamlin, who was grinning at your shock. You dismounted Podie quickly, rushing to brace the fence as you took in the site with awe. 

“Wild Gernaium?” you choked, your eyes still wide. 

“The healing flower,” Tamlin nodded. “It took a while to learn how to farm them, months in fact, but Spring has Prythians best botanists.”

“And here I thought they could only grow in the wild,” you shook your head with disbelief. “Tamlin, these are so rare, how on earth you were able to farm this many?”

“Spring Court is a land that gives back, the soil here is rich of nutrients and the weather forgiving. It is of course only something we were able to do, thanks to your mission work to help recover the land. This is your accomplishment as much as it is theirs.”

Tears pricked in your eyes then. The amount of fae that could be helped with this crop – it was an overwhelming thought. 

“And they are for you, of course.”

You gaped at the High Lord, who laughed again. 

“For me?”

“Of course, for your work. Whatever you need – farmers to pick the flowers, a factory full of workers to grind and bottle the pigment – say the word and it’s yours.”

“Tamlin, I… I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Please, don’t. It’s not a thanks I deserve, I’m just… trying to look out for my people. Just as you do.”

“Well… you’ve done a Gods damned good job,” you said with raised brows, blowing out a loose breath at the extend of the farm. 

Tamlin threw his head back and laughed, and you grinned at his happiness. You reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Nice work, High Lord.”

Tamlin squeezed your hand back. “It wouldn't be without you.”

He pulled on your hand then, leading you through the flowers as you admired the plants up close. He explained that a factory could be built at the farms edge, attached with a pressing mill and grinders. Your heart fluttered with excitement, your work could extend past manual labour, you could now offer medicine and healing. There was a force brewing inside you, something unstoppable and good, something that lay dormant for centuries, finally unleashed and free.

You still held Tamlin’s hand as he lead you through the field, making your way to a lush hill that overlooked the farm. You sat together, Tamlin listening contently as you excitedly spoke through your ideas on how to harvest the medicine, noting that your small growing team of mission workers could also help to distribute throughout the court.

“How many aid workers have you recruited now?” Tamlin asked. 

“Seven, and we’re currently inducting Nyvya in the east. She’s a trained healer, so will be delighted to hear of the Gernaium.”

“That’s wonderful,” he smiled. 

“It is,” you said warmly, and it occurred to you that you owed Tamlin a truth. An idea you were planning to run by him at a much later time. But with the offer of the Gernaium, the access to this kind of healing, that changed things. “It is,” you repeated almost flatly, chewing at your lip as your eyes fell distant, dancing with thought.

Tamlin caught the movement, and he frowned slightly as he shifted from his lounging position. “What is it?”

Your heart rose in anticipation – you felt sheepish. So you stared at him, deciding on whether it was in fact the right time.

“You can say it – whatever it is,” he said gently, taking your hand. Your silence lead him to start guessing. “Are you leaving Spring?”

“No, no I–”

“Because you are free to come and go as you please. I know my past behaviour speaks for itself, but I would hate to think that you feel trapped or–”

You grabbed his shoulders then, squeezing the muscle underneath. “Tamlin, gods I know that.”

The action seemed to stun him, and his lips pressed into a thin line. You felt a slight twang of guilt for drawing out such a distinct shame in him. 

You took a deep breath, pulling your hands to your lap. “With the mission work expanding, along with my team, we have been able to help fae at the borders, some from Summer, even a few from Autumn.”

Tamlin nodded assuringly, a sign for you to continue. He didn't startle over the technicality of Spring members helping foreign fae – that was a good sign. 

“And it felt good to help them Tam, they were isolated, and just as vulnerable as some of those in Spring.”

“Of course,” he said softly.

You had to take a deep breath, and your eyes found the horizon beyond the rolling hills around you. 

“You know,” you spoke softly. “My ambitions to help and protect others, it has always existed beyond court borders.”

You could see Tamlin shift, before giving a slow nod. 

“After talking with my team, we believe our mission work could gain traction in other courts, should they be willing. We could share knowledge, resources too if it was agreed, and provide aid across Prythian without being conformed to borders.”

You forced your eyes to Tamlin then, grimacing at what you might find written on his face. But it was just as neutral, his eyes soft, his jaw chiselled and handsome and – damn him.

“This is not the way I wanted to propose this to you Tamlin, please know. Especially after your generosity with the Gernaium, I understand completely if you have grown them purely to aid your own subjects. But that doesn't stop the need for mission work across Prythian. I plan to gain the support from as many High Lords and Ladies as possible, and I would be honoured if that started with you.”

Tamlin eyed you with those sharp green eyes, the kind of look that made you shift under the weight of it. And after an insufferable silence, he spoke. 

“You are incredible.”

You blinked in shock, Tamlin’s lips pulling at your reaction. 

“Truly,” he smiled, grabbing your hand to kiss it. “I have never met anyone who was to see a need as great as this, and think to grow it beyond borders. Magic anchors a High Lord or Lady to their Court, it makes us territorial and protective, violent even. But you, this,” he said waving his hand to you, before sighing, contemplating how to say what he felt in words. “You are what this world needs.”

Your eyes welled before two fat tears rolled down your cheeks. “Tamlin,” you chocked, unable to think of anything else to say.

He shifted closer, brushing the tears away with his thumb as he cupped your face. “You have my support Y/N. Thank you for teaching me to be better.”

Emotion surged through you, as if flushing you from years of doubt and hate, replaced now with inspiration, kindness and good, honest love. And then your lips were on his. 

Taken aback, Tamlin caught himself on one strong arm as you held his face and kissed him. You pulled away, worried to have overstepped your boundaries. But then a strong hand laced around your waist, his other propping himself up as he leaned in, closing his mouth over yours, a sharp breath drawn as his nose brushed against your. Friendship, understanding, a blossoming love – how quickly Tamlin had welcomed you to a world capable of healing, of growth. 

Every fibre in your limbs begged to be closer to him, to bask in the vulnerability he had shown you, and you him. In only half a year, you had grown together, healed together, and learned to love one another. You did, you loved him, for whatever he was to you – a dear friend, a High Lord, it didn't matter. It was equal, and genuine, and you craved it in every way. 

Fuelled in by dizzy passion, you quickly straddled his lap, pulling at his broad shoulders to bring him further into you, letting him encompass your senses. 

Tamlin’s own hands slid across your back, moving up to your neck, gripping at the roots of your hair, the other grasped at the flesh where your thighs met your hips. 

He seemed to realise where this was heading, pulling away with a sharp breath through his nose. “Y/N–”

You shook your head, dismissing him immediately with another kiss, your tongue begging for entrance to his mouth. “Tamlin.” His name was a plea.

“Are you cer–?”

You didn’t give him a chance to finish his question, peppering kissed in between words. “I’ve–never–been–more–certain.”

A low growl rumbled from his chest, and goosebumps pricked at your skin as you felt it vibrate through to you. Your excitement peaked, it had been so long since you had shared yourself with another, and your core fluttered with anticipation as every fragment of you seemed to chant yes, yes, yes. 

Which is exactly what you moaned as Tamlin entered you, your skirts pulled high, his riding pants pulled low. You placed a flat palm on his chest, your eyes clenched shut as you stretched around his girth, your walls already throbbing as you slowly slid down. Tamlin let out a stifled growl, one laced with satisfaction and a lot of restraint. 

Strong arms hugged you then, and you began to writhe together, moving gently and sensually as you ground against each other. Chasing release was far beyond you, there was so much pleasure to be had in sharing your bodies, relishing in the trust you both had found in one another.

Tamlin did his best to keep a leash if his instincts, his beast form begging to be released and he grunted and growled when you moved your hips in a certain way, nipping at your neck and ear as claws now ran down your back. You ran your fingers through his hair, using it to guide his face to yours as you kissed him and fucked him how you pleased. His own hands moved to grip at your ass to do the same. 

“Y/N,” he breathed, his deep voice breaking, strained with pleasure. 

“Tamlin, gods, you feel–”

“So. Good,” he gritted, finishing your sentence. You leaned back, head thrown back as your hands found balance on his thighs as you rode him in the warm spring air. 

Pleasure found both of you again and again in that afternoon. You climaxed on his lap, and not twenty minutes later he was pushing into you again, your bare thighs spread on the lush green grass as he moved above you. You clung together, a writhing, sweaty mix of passion and pleasure until the sun began to set over the rolling hills. 

Tamlin reached for you, his fingers lacing with yours as you ate the last of the berries he had packed. He kissed your forehead before turning you to rest against his chest, not wanting you to miss the view. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he murmured into your hair. 

Stroking his arms that were tightly wrapped at your waist, you swallowed, debating on what to say. But no, Tamlin deserved the truth, you must always choose truth. You sighed , saddened by what was churning through your head after such incredible sex.

“I’m thinking we need to discuss what this afternoon means.” 

You loved him, you did, but Tamlin was bound to his court, and your life called beyond it. It wouldn't work, no matter how much you cared for each other.

Tamlin knew this too. “What if,” he spoke softly, brushing your hair away from your neck so he could place a gentle kiss on it. “What if we enjoy this moment for what it is, just for today.”

You smiled, kissing his hands. “Tomorrow then.”

“Plenty of problems await,” he joked, and you laughed before settling further into him. You smiled cockily as you felt him harden against you. Tomorrow indeed.

————

One month later

Peering from the carriage window, your heart thundered in your ears, drowning out the clap of horses hooves as guests arrived at the summer estate, music floating gently from within.

Dawned in all colours, you watched guests gasp in awe at the beauty of the building. This was one of many of Tarquin’s estates - one you had never visited. It was an open, grecian style home, golden columns holding the impressive entrance carved with shimmering vines. Fae flocked in groups, sparkling wine already in their hands as they made their way to the gardens, no doubt where the service was being held. 

“Are you alright?” Tamlin asked, the velvet of his deep green suit brushing against your bare arm. 

“Uneasy to say the least,” you said thickly, your tongue stiff with nerves. “And you?”

Tamlin looked beyond the window, eyeing each of the guests. “One step at a time,” was his response as he squeezed your knee. 

————

The curtesy wine offered to you at the entrance was gone within the first few moments of arriving. You wouldn't make a fool of yourself here, but a little wine to take the edge off couldn't hurt. 

Tarquin stood proudly, wearing a fine turquoise suit detailed with gold thread, shaking hands as he welcomed guests. 

“Y/N,” he beamed, taking your hands and kissing each of your cheeks. “I’m honoured you came.”

“The pleasure is mine, Tarquin. Thank you for having me.”

“Nonsense, both Creseida and I might have forced you here if you had not come willingly.”

You laughed freely. “How is she?”

“A wreck of nerves,” he chuckled. 

“I’m sure she looks beautiful,” you laughed lightly back. 

“She does, just as you do,” he winked, raising your hands he still held to take in your dress. A silken, soft blue dress fell of your body, its back open as material gathered just before your rear. The dressmaker had done an incredible job, fitting style and colour alike. You had politely declined her suggestions of a sage green, a Spring Court signature. It was kind, but you were courtless for over a year now, and proud of it. Instead, you had asked for sky blue – as no one ruled the skies. 

Blushing, you let out another soft laugh. “You are too kind, High Lord.”

Tarquins eyes flashed behind you, catching Tamlin as he spoke with some familiars a few paces away. “Have you…?” he questioned, trailing off.

You smiled knowingly. “I’ve come alone. Tamlin and I shared a carriage, journeying from the same court. You remember of my work there?”

“Remember? Sweetheart, there is talk of your mission throughout my court. There are guests here who are very keen to meet you. And we will need to formally discuss your work, and give a proper thanks to the aid you have provided at the border.”

You were smiling wide now, shaking your head with gratitude. “I would like that too, but perhaps not here.”

Tarquin grinned. “No, perhaps not. Welcome, sweet Y/N, please enjoy the festivities, and accomodation.”

You smiled politely as Tamlin approached, exchanging a firm handshake before raising his brows at you. “Shall we head in?”

Nodding tightly, you let Tamlin guide you with a hand at the small of your back. At the very least, the warmth of his skin against yours was a small comfort. 

The estate was even more impressive the further you ventured, white marble and golden staircases twisting this way and that, leading to corridors of rooms, each door carved to perfection. These were the guest accomodations, and included your own for the evening. 

But the jewel of the home was its view, where a perfectly groomed garden now catered to almost a thousand fae, overlooking the crystal blue Adriatic, the waves beneath crashing the cliff quieted by the string quartet. It was an overwhelming beautiful home, and you were glad to be lost in a sea of guests. 

 A golden arch was set at the end of a the aisle, a High Priestess exchanging words with a groom you did not recognise. But you smiled – you were happy for Creseida. 

“An impressive turnout,” Tamlin muttered, sipping his wine as his green eyes turned sharp, scanning the crowd. You ignored the glances being cast your way, whether it was from your attendance with Tamlin, or Tamlin’s presence alone, you didn't care. What did these fools know of either of your stories to judge.

And you tried not to look, to not let your heart beat fast as you scoured for a rare set of wings amongst the finery of the wedding, telling yourself you wouldn’t turn your heel and run at the site of any siphons or shadows or night. But you were thankful to not find any. 

That was, until you felt them. Muscles jerking, goosebumps pricked your skin as your power began to tingle sharply, spreading across your body like a rash. Shit – you hadn't anticipated to lose your lid in such a way, your power had been so forgiving this past year. 

A small gap parted in the crowd of guests at the stairs of the estate, and the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court were revealed. Arms loop, night curling around them in the fashion that impressed and threatened all at once. Rhysand shook hands with a nearby male, Feyre kissing the cheeks of a curtsying female. 

It shocked you, how quickly your spy instincts found you. As if in one of your many life-threatening missions, your senses narrowed, the noise in your brain focusing to immediate details – taking in only what you needed to survive, just as Azriel and Cassian had trained you. Your vision barrelled to the couple who still greeted others some distance away. Scanning behind them, you anticipated the remainder of your old family, and of course, your exes. 

Yet no one followed. Not even Mor. It seemed the High Lord and Lady had attended alone. It was strange – had things turned bad at the Court, that even the Morrigan had forgone a wedding?

Rhysand wore a handsome smile as he guided Feyre down the stairs to the garden, guests parting even further, bowing as they strode through. They were getting closer, and you ignored the clench of your heart as their scent filled your nose, before mixing with others. It was the smell of home.

No. it wasn't home. Not anymore, and not for a good while now. You hated that instinct, to curl into it, to let it welcome you, claiming you still. 

You glanced behind, conscious that they would find you standing with Tamlin. But he was no where to be seen, and you thanked him silently for the courtesy of having stepped away.

Rhysand and Feyre glided closer and closer, exchanging nods and accepting bows. And then they halted, violet eyes scanning before locking to yours, grey eyes shortly followed. And Rhys’s smile, the one that he used in the face of the public, it softened, his eyebrows twitching upwards almost unnoticeably. 

Feyre’s hand gripping at his arm tighter, and you could hear her heart fasten from where you stood. You almost resented how in-tune you were to them, these micro-behaviours. 

Glancing between them both, you followed the order of those next to you, lowering yourself to a polite curtsy. 

They couldn't reach you, not without drawing attention, not without the watchful eyes of hundreds of guests. So with a nod from Rhys, and a soft smile from Feyre, they continued on, finding their seats in the queues. 

————

Cresseida was the most beautiful bride you had ever seen. Golden vines were cuffed along her arms, as a silk gown as white as her hair trailed behind her as she walked the aisle, Tarquin proudly at her side. 

You smiled through your tears as she was married. You were happy for her– you were happy –you were… An unmarketable emotion filled you as you couldn’t help the run of tears that continued to pour, even after the ceremony ended. 

————

“And is it true that you were able to help the children at the border?” questioned one of Tarquin’s emissaries as she leaned in, raising her voice over the music. 

The party was in full swing, food had been served and hundreds of fae drank and danced, celebrating Creseida’s courtship, each of them eager to get even a glimpse at the bride and groom. 

“Yes, we were lucky to have an experienced healer join the mission, and she was already aiding some of the fae in Spring.”

The female smiled, and squeezed your arm. “On behalf of my court, we are grateful.”

“Not at all,” you smiled back. “Your authorities were notified, and from what I heard your own healers were already on their way. We were simply closer to that area, and had supplies to spare.”

It had been hours, and your company was still in high demand as endless Summer Court members were eager to meet you. Tarquin, it seemed, had been spreading you just as much praise as Tamlin. You had danced with many, exchanging jokes and stories, enjoying the festivities with some familiar faces and many new ones. 

It was a struggle to keep your eyes from averting, your instinct to find Rhys and Feyre in the crowd was loud and stubborn. Old habits, you supposed. 

Tamlin approached you then, having made himself scarce from your company for most of the evening, something you both had agreed to do. But you were comforted by his presence as he easily slid into the conversation, slipping a glass of fae wine into your hand without even asking. You smiled, giving his shoulder a thankful squeeze. 

There was an itchy, uneasy feeling that tugged at you, and you knew you were under watchful eyes. You found them, surrounded by their own acquaintances, and while Rhys masked his curiosity perfectly, Feyre’s stare bored into you from across the dance floor. 

Taking a large sip of wine, you let it warm you as you squared your shoulders. You would not cower, you would not shy away. And now was a better time than any.

So you strode directly to them, Feyre’s stare softening as Rhys pardoned himself from his conversation. Then, they were walking towards you to. 

You stopped a few paces shy from each other. Staring. It was…. awkward. 

But then Rhysand smiled. Warm and genuine and familiar. You hoped he didn't hear your silent curse to him. 

“You look well,” he said. 

You nodded, acknowledging the half-compliment, sensing their relief. No, you weren't that broken withered girl you were when you left. 

“How is Nyx?” The words flew from your mouth before you could stop them. You would have been more annoyed at yourself, but your care for that child was pure, and you knew they would never withhold him as currency. 

“He’s well, growing every day,” Feyre replied. “And walking all on his own.”

Your smile, be it small, was sincere. 

“He still… asks about you,” she added. 

Pain sliced through your heart then, and you weren't quick enough to hide it in your face. “Don’t,” you whispered, your voice strained. Gods, that didn't take long.

“I’m sorry,” Feyre said quickly, hands reaching out before she quickly drew them back in. “I didn't mean–“ she cut herself short, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”

You cast your eyes to the side, blinking away the sting of tears. “It’s alright.”

Rhysand watched you intently. “Perhaps we can all use some fresh air? I spotted a terrace, free from other guests.”

The choice was yours, you knew that. You had things you wanted to say, and you were sure they did to. You nodded, following their lead as you quickly cast a look backwards, Tamlin offering you a tight nod as you left the room.

————

“So, mission work in Spring?” Rhys asked, wine swirling in his hand as he leaned casually against a column, warm summer breeze surrounding the three of you as the party continued faintly below. 

You nodded, your arms crossed at your chest. 

“It’s very impressive,” Feyre added from where she sat, offering a genuine smile. 

You didn't respond, unsure of how much detail to reveal. Rhysand caught on, sighing slightly. 

“We didn't bring you here to interrogate you for detail, It’s only that your work and whereabouts is quickly becoming widespread knowledge. We thought it was best to acknowledge that we know it too.”

“And what of Cassian and Azriel?”

“We have held true to our bargain on that.” You believed him. 

There was an award silence, unasked questions looming. 

“Are you safe there?” Feyre asked quietly.

“Very much so.”

“And Tamlin is–”

“A friend,” you said quickly. 

“– respectful to you, was what I was going to ask,” Feyre said with a knowing look.

You sighed then, running a hand through your hair. “I didn't do it to hurt you,” you said, with a straight face. You owed her no allegiance, but, you were done hurting others, and her concern did no one any good. 

“I know,” Feyre acknowledged, with the grace of a High Lady, of someone who knew that the past was the past. She shook her head then, before adding. “We worry for you, that is all.”

“He’s changed.” You were shocked at how quickly those words left your mouth. 

It was Rhys who threw you a condescending look. You hated how small it made you feel. 

“Look, I appreciate your warning, but Tamlin has shown strides of growth, he has acknowledged his mistakes and is working endlessly to undo them. When was the last time you looked within yourselves?”

Rhys flashed his eyes at you with warning, bringing an arm to comfort his wife. “Careful,” he said plainly, but a flash of darkness passed through those violet eyes. 

Damn him. And damn Feyre too. “You didn’t so much as try to stop them,” you breathed, your eyes welling with tears as you focused on her. Gods damn it – you thought you were past this, past them. But it was as if a year away meant nothing, you were just as hurt as that night you left the Night Court. Feyre watched with a pain expression as your lip wobbled. “And you didn't so much as try to apologise,” you whispered, your voice moments away from breaking. 

Feyre’s eyes now glistened with the same tears. “You shut us out,” she countered, and you could see how much your own choices had wounded her.

“What choice did I have?” you asked, brushing away a stray tear. “You think I want to be this way? You think I wanted to cast myself out? You broke my trust and lied to me, alienating me from this family. And I was supposed to come to you for an apology?”

Feyre gulped guiltily, looking at the floor. Rhys watched you intensely, a concerned frown on his face. 

“You’re right,” Feyre said quietly, grey eyes now finding yours. “But you must know Y/N, I am sorry. I’ve been sorry since the day it happened. I thought it wise for Azriel and Cassian to want to protect you, but I realised very quickly how it was that kind of thinking that trapped me within warded walls,  and that had me fleeing my home all those years ago.”

You nodded, casting your eyes upwards to not let the tears stain your face yet again. “We can't keep doing this.”

“What’s that?” Rhys asked gently. 

“This,” you gulped, waving your hands between you. “These sorry confessions and apologies, it hurts us all.”

“Alright,” Rhys said neutrally. “But you acknowledge our apology?’

“Yes.”

“Do you forgive us?”

Your lips pressed tight as you grimaced. 

“That would be a no,” Rhys said sadly, his smile broken. Feyre couldn't force one if she wanted to. 

“I want us to move forward,” you offered instead. “There is no use in resentment. It may be that we’ll continue to cross paths, and it is important to me that you know I will not respond illy.”

“Of course,” Feyre nodded, smiling. 

A sharp pain throbbed at your temples then, the kind that came about when you had to keep your emotions and powers under tight strain. It was instinct to rub at your temples. 

“Can I heal that for you?” Rhys was now standing in front of you, his smile remained but his eyes – heavy, saddened. 

You blinked up at him before flicking your eyes to Feyre who waited eagerly for you to respond. Was this a test? Could it be, after all that had happened, you could consider them just…friends? You searched within yourself for the right answer, but nothing came about. It was just too soon. 

But there was no harm in letting Rhys work some of his magic. “Alright,” you replied, and you heard Feyre loose a breath. 

Rhysand’s hands cupped the side of your face, his fingers pressing to your temples as the familiar feeling of him slipping into your mind sent a shiver down your spine. There was something in you, something impossible to kill that was comforted by his touch. He was, after all, your High Lord of decades. He had been your home, your family, and maybe there was some part of that would always remain. It upset you how much you had to resist the urge to wrap your arms around his waist, to pull Feyre in too, to sob of how much you missed home, your family, how much you ached while you were apart. 

It was over as quickly as it began, Rhys slipping from your mind, leaving no trace of a headache behind. You hadn't clocked that you had closed your eyes, your lip quivering as your cheeks were now wet with tears. Rhys kept his hands on your face, brushing them away. 

“Y/N–,” he said softly, his face pained. You knew what he would say – come home, even if you hate us, come home. But you wouldn't give him a chance. 

“T-thank you,” you stammered, pulling away from Rhysand’s hold and fleeing the terrace, leaving the two to their shock. 

————

You were brushing away hot, fast tears as you fled the wedding, racing towards your guest room. 

Gods, what was wrong with you today? You hated feeling like this – an unstable, blubbering mess. Nothing had changed in a year, not really. You were still the same, broken and alone. It hurt just as much to see your family now. 

To hell with this wedding. You craved a sleep tonic and to be rid of this night. That was when Tamlin fell into side-step with you. 

“Are you hurt?” he asked simply, muttering the words to avoid drawing attention as you passed through the crowd. 

“No,” you managed to say, and you could have kissed him for playing into the nonchalance. He seemed to respect privacy, even when there was little to be found. 

“I’ll walk you to your rooms.”

“No, Tam, I’m fine, you should–”

“Nonsense,” he replied, and you knew you wouldn't shake him. So you walked to your room,  sniffing through your tears as you tried to calm the current brewing at your fingertips, Tamlin by your side.

You reached your quarters, a private corner in a long corridor or rooms. The door was carved in  unique artwork, familiar somehow, as if beckoning you to enter from within. 

“If you’re sure you’re alright,” he said with an unconvinced look. 

“I will be, Tam, thank you.” 

You gave his hand a quick squeeze, before turning the handle to the door. 

And made it two paces in, before shadows filled your vision. 

————

You swore as strong hands held your shoulders, blue siphons a blur as shadows cast around you. You fought on instinct, but it was impossible to shake Azriel’s grip. 

“What in Mothers name–?!” you cursed again. 

“You’re safe,” Azriel spoke with relief. Despite yourself, your skin ignited at the husk of his voice.

“Get your damn hands off me,” you gritted, taking in the room as the smog of shadows finally cleared. 

Cassian was between you and the door, where Tamlin still stood, completely stunned. The General’s hands quickly curled into fists.

No one moved, each of you just as shocked to see the other. They had come for you, yes, but you were certain Tamlin was an unpleasant surprise. 

“Fuck,” you ground out, almost rolling your eyes as you knew the strife that now awaited your friend. 

Azriel moved you behind him, as if you needed to be shielded, protected. “What are you doing here, traitor?”

“Let her go at once,” Tamlin growled, stepping into the room. 

You stepped out from behind Azriel, your mind reeling at the sight of the two Illyrians in you room. You hated them, but something in you churned - a yearning. It was easy to stamp down as a rage took over. 

“What are you doing here?” you countered.

Azriel gave you a piercing look, running his eyes down your body. There was love in that look, but a sternness too. 

“Answer me,” you ground out. 

Cassian was still facing Tamlin, his siphons so bright they radiated heat. “Did you hurt her?” he growled at Tamlin, a shaking rage consuming him. 

“You hunted me? Like a mare?” your voice was ice cold, colder than any of these males could ever hope to perfect. Your trust, betrayed, again. 

That voice snared their attention. Cassian casting a look back at you, desperate, like he wanted to give you all of his time, to never stop drinking in the sight of you. 

You prowled closer, fingers twitching as your power grew so strong zapping could be heard. “Rhys’s promise to me, the bargain. You broke it,” you spat.

“Y/N.” Cassian said your name, begging you. His pain cut through to you, your power dampening as a sick, sick part of you folded at his plea. Go to him, that part of you begged. 

The room was filled with a sharp coldness and breeze as Rhys and Feyre winnowed into your quarters, Feyre’s face one of shock, Rhys’s one of fury. 

“What in Gods name are you doing here?” he growled at his brothers. 

“You left us no choice,” Azriel seethed back at Rhys, his wing stopping you as you silently moved to join Tamlin. 

You glared at him. “Try that again,” you growled. 

Azriel’s eyes were dark, predatory, but his brows pulled with a softness only reserved for you. “I do not trust him.”

“And I do not trust you,” you spat back. 

“The promise,” Rhys growled, glaring between his brothers. 

“Y/N, we had no idea they had come,” Feyre spoke with a desperation that you had to believe her. 

“Leave. Now.” Rhys ordered, but the males ignored him, his power underwhelming in another court. 

Cassian’s brow pulled, his face truly broken as he spoke to you. “You left us. And joined him?”

You snapped at the accusation. “I joined no one, because I belong to no one. I pursued a life beyond you, and I am a free female. Free to roam wherever I please, and fuck whoever I want.”

You words landed their mark, because both Azriel and Cassian recoiled.

And then Cassian’s face turned grave, as he slowly faced Tamlin again. “You-you touched her?”

You cursed yourself for the pointed insult – you should have known it would put Tamlin in the firing line. To his defense, Tamlin held a high chin. 

“She is a free female. Nor you or I can rob her of that.”

Azriel snarled, and Cassian was on Tamlin in an instant. 

“Stop that! Get off him! You will not hurt him!” you cried, broken at the thought of Tamlin being hurt because of you. 

But before you could throw yourself at Cassian, night magic filled the space, pulling the males apart, commanding the room to its master. And you were surprised to see Feyre walking towards them, her palms outstretched, night pouring from her as her eyes now glowed with silver. 

“Sensless violence ends now, I don’t care about the circumstance.” 

What did she mean by that?

“Leave,” Cassian snarled at Tamlin, but Tamlin held his ground. 

“He is welcomed to stay so long as Y/N sees fit,” Feyre spoke coldly, forcing Cassian’s eyes back to her. Now that, was a High Lady. “I can not believe you two–“

“You weren't invited?” you interjected, untrusting of your exes as you scowled between them. 

Rhys shook his head from across the room. “We went as far to hide the papers.”

You gulped as you stared up at Azriel. “Pray tell, how you found me, then?”

Azriel wore no remorse as he said “Amren – she possessed an invite and–”

Exasperated sounds from each of you filled the room. Amren, of course. She was the only one to know to play games above Rhys and Feyre’s head, and cunning enough to pull it off. 

“And what is your plan, then?” you added coldly. “Drag me back to the Night Court, kicking and screaming?”

“No, of course not,” Cassian responded softly, stepping towards you, stopping as you retreated back. “We had to know that you were safe.”

You stared at him, the sorrow in his voice, the bags under his eyes and the way his shoulders sagged. He was broken. 

“You were not well when you left, Y/N. It’s been killing us not knowing how you are faring now,” Azriel added, his eyes soft, looking just as worn as his brother. You knew he sang silently to his shadows as they coiled in on themself, they would be begging to reach you. 

“Please, don't be angry,” Cassian begged, his eyes welling. “We’ll go, we’ll go now, it’s just–”

“We love you. We- we need you,” Azriel interjected, his own brow clenched with pain. 

Each of their words were a dagger to your heart, piercing it’s way through the walls you had built. 

“Stop that,” you whispered, your hand pressing against your chest to ease the pain. Were these your feelings, or theirs?

“It’s true,” Cassian continued. “You’re our girl. We'll do better, Y/N, we promise. Please.”

It was painful to hear, and you faltered slightly as your body jerked in pain. Something was breaking within you, crumpling around something else, something buried deep. 

“Please Y/N, come home.”

Your knees gave out as you let out an anguished cry, your heart tearing and swelling to the point where you thought you just might die. 

“Y/N!” Tamlin called in panic, but Azriel and Cassian were already at your sides, holding you, asking where it hurt. 

Palms braced on the floor, you tried to breath through laboured breaths as you finally felt what was concealed for so long. It was unmistakable, a tether of sun-lit rope, tying you to the males at either side of you. You felt it all – their fear, the instincts to take you far from this place, their overwhelming, unconditional love. 

And you hated it. 

“No,” you gasped, your hand finding your heart as you tried to calm its pounding.

Azriel glanced at Cassian, who gave a single nod in confirmation. Feyre gasped from where she stood. 

“What is it?” Tamlin panicked. “What’s going on?”

“No!” you repeated, standing quickly and backing away from the two males. It couldn't be – you were free, you had left…

They watched you with saddened eyes at the horror that beheld you. 

“The Mother is cruel,” Rhys tutted, lowering his head in sympathy.

“What in the gods-forsaken realms is going on?” Tamlin yelled.

“No, no, no, no! Please, no!” You clutched at the roots of your hair, your mind reeling as you begged to no one. You were bound to them, whether you liked it or not. An enslavement of kinds.

“It snapped,” Feyre answered to Tamlin without ever turning his way.

It was too much to bare – their instincts, your newly ignited ones, their love, your hate. Your brain scrambled for sense, fighting itself over and over as you shook at your knees. 

A final ‘no’ pushed past your lips before your body gave out, the world tipping and your vision darkening as strong hands caught you. 

You succumbed to the gods damned mating bond. 

-------

Part 5>>>

AN: Helllllllllo my lovelies! I am so so bloody excited to share this part with you! It was a rollercoaster to write, hope you held on tight for this angst-train! Always, always, ALWAYS want to hear your thoughts and feelings on where this story is heading, so please drop a comment anytime. And thank you endlessly for your support with this fic - it means the world. MWA!!

[ch3rriiii-bunn]

Under the moonlight

I'm such a slutttttt for thinking of this with Sekido OH MY GODDDDD😩😩

Warnings: fem!reader, fluff to smut, reader is described to be black, demon reader, reader is sekido's lover, mention of insecurity (on sekido's part), public sex, vanilla sex, soft dom Sekido, praising, dirty talk (kinda) , breeding kink(?), oral (reader receiving), aftercare

Sekido's mission from his master took him a while to complete. Much longer than he predicted. When an upper rank is given a task by muzan, they must drop all personal issues to do as he says or eles a heay punishment would be done, even death.

This was something Sekido explained to you earlier in the relationship, but it wasn't an issue for you. Sekido has strict rules for you when he's leaves on a mission, one of them being you can't leave the cottage he leaves you at. He doesn't tell you to be controlling, but he doesn't give you a reason.

Under his constant state of anger and rage, he just wants to protect you. You're a demon, yes, but you're not as strong as him, far too kind to humans and demons and would rather reason with them than kill them. Sekido often scolds you for being this way and calling it weak. However, you give him peace, and he would do anything to protect his peace.

Sekido is walking to the cottage he last saw you but his mind begins to be filled with negative thoughts. It angers him to have these feelings when he comes back from a mission but he can't help but wonder if you managed to find someone eles.

His brothers teased him about his relationship with you during their mission, more than usual even. "I'm surprised swset y/n stayed with you for this long," Karaku said "yeah your other lovers couldn't take your consent anger." urogi laughed. "That's mean Urogi. We are clones of a certain emotion. Maybe y/n just deals with, " Aizetsu said.

As much as it angered Sekido, he couldn't help but agree with his brothers. They knew they were clones, but Sekido questioned why someone like you could like someone like him. Despite him always being easily angered, he tries his best to be soft with you and only you, yet these thoughts wouldn't leave his mind, and he walks quicker, more eager to see you than ever.

Before he knew it, he was at the cottage. He flew open the door, walking so hard it his loud stomps could he heard by anyone in the small house. He searched all over the house until he made it to the backyard, seeing you sat down in the meadow picking the flowers and putting them I'm your afro.

Before he could call out your name, you looked over your shoulder. "Welcome back," you smiled at him sweetly. Sekido couldn't help but sigh in relief to see you're doing okay. "Your senses have gotten better," he said, heading towards you, but you only giggled. "It was your staff that gave it away. It's pretty loud when you walk with it, " you said, looking up at your boyfriend standing before you.

Sekido didn't say a word. He kept his eyes locked on you. It felt like he's been gone forever he didn't know the right words to respond to your welcome. You crawl towards him and hug his leg. "I've missed you so much, Sekido. How was your mission?" You asked resting your cheek on his thigh, looking up at him with your pretty eyes. "Let's go inside. I'd like to hear about your mission" you said.

"Can I touch your hair?" He asked, sounding so much calmer than ever you couldn't help your smile from growing wider. "Of course you can." Once you gave him the okay, Sekido started to play with the coils in your afro gentle and then leaning forward to caress your face with his hand. You rest your cheek in his touch, looking at him with puppy eyes.

"I'd rather stay here." Sekido sits down next to you and picks a flower. "You look like you were just getting started with this style. I'd be mad if you didn't finish what you started" he said and put the flower in your afro "lets continue to make this crown look pretty" Sekido smiled softly making you squeal, hiding your face in your palms.

Sekido manages to tell you how his mission went while you both finished putting flowers in your afro, but you noticed something was off. His explanation seemed almost dry, like he's leaving the little details out on how he felt this whole time the two of you were apart.

"Sekido. What aren't you telling me? " Your hand rests on his, but his face turned away from you. "I just told you, didn't I? I hate repeating myself-" he stops when he turns to see your smile go away. He sighed. "My brothers were just annoying. Saying shit about you being too good for me, but who cares we're demons. We come and go, " Sekido said.

Tears started to fill your waterline and then stream down your face. Sekido panicked a little, his eyes widening and immediately taking your hand. "Stop that. What did I say to make you cry?" He asked with genuine concern. "I don't want you to go. I don't want to find another demon to be with, you're the only one I want Sekido" you started to sob, holding his hand to your chest.

"I don't understand y/n. You're such a sweet and gentle woman. Much different than me, wouldn't you be happier with someone like you? You're so kind to everyone, but I'm only kind to you. I've yelled at you and even gotten angry with you, not just because im a clone but without proper reason. I'm making you cry," he makes a worried yet angered face. "I'm only crying because you forgot how much i love you," you sniffle.

"I love the kind man who's always angry but learned how to be so kind to me," you kissed his hand. "the man who puts in the effort and tries to be kind to others just for me, the man who helped me make this flower crown and the man who's done so much to protect and love me for me. So please, Sekido. Don't listen to your brothers. I feel at peace when I'm with you," you sob.

"I'm sorry." Sekido places both his large hands on your face, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears. "I'm sorry," he apologizes again, beginning to kiss your sweet face, tasting your tears on his lips. "I did not forget your love for me... I was foolish and not thinking straight. So stop crying.. I never want to see you cry like over something so stupid. " he kisses you again, and then time kisses your lips.

Sekido pulls back, letting the tip of his nose touch yours. "Are you done crying?" He asked, and you nodded your head in his hold with your lips pouted. Sekido snarls a bit, figuring out how to make you smile and just starts to rub his nose on yours "smile. Smile damnit, this tickles, " he said, rubbing his nose harder on yours, making you both fall back accidentally.

You burst out laughing and wrap you arms around his neck "that's not how you nose kiss!" You continue to laugh only for Sekido to get flustered and hide his face in your boobs. You pet his head when he suddenly shoots his head up with his hands at your sides "your hair will flatten at the back if you lay like that" he said and you only shake your head "I'll just use my pick to fix it" you smiled.

"I'll fix it for you," Sekido's voice softens as he leans in to kiss you. Your eyes closed, and your hands cupped his cheeks to kiss him back. Sekido began to close the gap by pressing his body weight down on you more, fitting himself perfectly between your thighs, and started to caress you thigh. He feels your smile in the kiss and pulls back slowly "what's so funny?" He asked.

"You're being so touchy. Wouldn't you rather go inside for this?" Your hands caress his chest, slipping a hand in his kimono to feel his warm skin. Sekido couldn't hold himself back and started to grind his lower half, pressing his cock against your pussy "I've missed you" he said opening his kimono more for you to touch at his chest and little it slip off his shoulder "I want to you. Right here, " he kisses you again, grinding harder, making you both let out a soft moan. "Can I?"

"Of course you can"

Sekido takes his kimono off, being naked over you and folds it. "Lift your head up," he said. You lift your head up for him to place his kimono under your head for comfort. "Thank you." You said and he nods. "Just lay back and let me take care of everything." Sekido starts to undo your kimono, exposing your naked body.

Your eyes closed in his touch. His large hands touching your thighs, moving up to your hips, caressing your love handles and eventually up to your boobs. Sekido postions himself and starts to lick at your nipple and takes it between his lips. His eyes stayed locked on you as he watches your body respond to his touch "feels good?" He asked and you nod quickly.

"I want words," his fingers play and inches with your other nipple making you open your eyes. "Does it feel good?" He asked again and rolls his tongue over your nipple making you whimper softly. "Yes, it feels so good, " you said, and your hips started to move in small circles under him Sekido takes notice and moves his hand down between the two of you to rub his fingers at your clit and down between your folds. "So wet for me already" he said continuing to play with your pussy and sucking on the other nipple.

Your mouth opens up more in a 'o' shape woth your moans growing louder. "S-sekido please, can I cum?" You beg "gonna cum already? If you're going to cum I want it on my tounge" he said and slowly starts to kiss down your body. "My beautiful woman." Sekido kisses down to your stomach, giving your lower half a lick and grins when you shiver.

"Always so beautiful for me," he said and kissed your inner thighs, then threw your thighs over his shoulder. "But you look even more beautiful under the moonlight." He gets to your pussy, giving your clit a soft kiss before giving you a long lick and grips onto your thighs when your back arches.

"Sekido," you moan his name, running your fingers through his hair. "That feels so good," you bit your lip. He hums in response, moving his head and tongue in rhythm with your hips moving and bucking in his face. For a moment, you look away, Sekido eyes intensely locked on you. He growls lowly when you look away and grip onto your thighs hard when he flattens his tounge on your clit and apply more pressure.

You gasp with a moan, and you thighs, shaking in his grip. You look at him again, knowing Sekido wants to watch him when you cum on his tounge. You felt shy at the idea, yet your mouth hangs open, moaning from his tongue licking at your throbbing clit. His fingers rub between your wet folds before he thrusts them inside.

Sekido moans, his cock twitches just from feeling your wet walks clench on his fingers. He let's his slavia fall from his tounge on your clit as he starts swirling his tounge in circles over your clit while thrusting his fingers upset and curling them to hit your spot.

"Sekido! S-sekido right there," you whimper and your legs trying to stay open, getting close to your high. Sekido holds your hand, still keeping his eyes on you, seeing the desperate look to cum on your face and tears filling your water line. He grins fingering you faster and feeling your hand grip onto his until your eyes shut and cumming on his tounge.

Sekido let's you clam down from your orgasm and then slowly pulls his fingers out of you. He watches your body fall back with heavy breaths follow3r by moans when he starts to lap up your juices and licks his lips. "Usually, I'd punish you for looking away from me. However I'll let it go this time" he smiles and sits up, spreading your legs open as he grinds his hard cock on your wet pussy.

"I need you" he whispers making his tip tease your clit and watches your hips move up and down. You moaned when He puts his tip inside then slowly thrusting his length inside letting out a deep sigh "fuck baby" he whispers, bottoming out and hummed when he fully gets inside you. "Are you ok?" He asked, and you nodded.

"I've never forgotten your love and I never will" he kisses your jawline "let me show you how much I fucking love you" Sekido presses his chest on your boobs and starts thrusting his hips slow, giving you deep strokes. "Oh my god" your head falls back, moaning at the feeling of his cock so deep inside already hitting your spot and your hands on sekido's broad musclar back, holding onto him as he makes love to you.

"You make me feel so good." Sekido lowly gunts as his thrusts start to increase. "You're moans, drive me crazy. Your pretty moans" he said and wraps his arms around you, his thrusts getting faster and he gasps softly when he feels your walls squeeze his cock tighter. "I love you," Sekido takes your hands away from his back and holds them tightly. "I love you, I love you," he whimpers and presses his lips on yours kissing you with tounge.

You could only hum in response. Sekido and you moan in the sloppy kiss, your hands holding his and your legs wrapping around his waist. "S-sekido!!" You manged to say in the kiss with a whine and he pulls back with saliva connecting you two for a moment "i-im gonna cum- gonna cum! Cum inside me please" you begged.

"You always ask so sweetly. I'll fill you up just how you always like it." Sekido moans followed by a slight growl as he snaps his hips faster. His hands let go of yours but still wrapping around your body, holding you close as he kisses you and groans in pleasure he felt your nails dig into his back.

You let out a long whine in the kiss as you cream on sekido's cock holding onto him tightly through your orgasm. Sekido couldn't help the whimper escaping his throat as he filled you up and broke the kiss. "I love you so much." He said breathlessly

Sekido takes you back into the cottage. The night was ending, and you two needed to have sanctuary from the sunlight and decided to stay at the cottage for another day.

Once inside, he takes a bath with you. After the bath, you sat in the chair in the bedroom, getting ready for Sekido to put your hair in braids for the night. Once he was done, he put your bonnet on your head himself and then kissed your forehead.

"Tomorrow night, how about we find a different meadow on our way home to put different kinds of flowers in your hair?" He asked.

You got up and hugged him tightly. "I'd love that"

[wrenrogue]

Kuroo sometimes draws a ring around Kenma's finger with permanent marker and jokes that's proof that they're now married.

Kenma always just rolls his eyes, but tries to keep the crudely drawn band and diamond on his ring finger as long as he can. Because what if they were married? They've been dating for years, it's not a farfetched idea to consider, y'know?

So the next time Kuroo lovingly grabs his hand to draw the same cliche ring he always draws, and looks at him with warm eyes and a mischievous grin and goes, "We're married now."

Kenma goes, "Why aren't we?"

Kuroo's not expecting that. Kuroo's expecting Kenma's usual eye roll or exasperated sigh before he manages to get a kiss from him for being ridiculous. It's not like he's never considered marriage, it's honestly all he's wanted, but Kenma's never showed interest, and he's just as happy living in domestic bliss with Kenma anyway. If he had seen the signs, he would've asked, but he never caught them.

And there he was telling Kenma this on their living room couch, because he can't lie to Kenma. This isn't an angst story, why is Kenma suddenly interested in Marriage???

"I don't know, I just thought I wouldn't mind it is all."

"You make marrying me sound like you're choosing what to order for takeout." says Kuroo flatly.

"I mean we're already going to be together forever, aren't we? That's why I never considered marriage until now. Too much paperwork to tell you I love you forever."

Kuroo feels the back of his neck heating up as he tries to hide his giddiness, "You're so romantic, Kenken. I might just marry you for that line alone."

"Shut up" says Kenma, ears growing red.

"Kenma's in looove with meee forever"

"I change my mind, I've made mistakes before"

"You really are a brat. You're lucky you're cute."

"Kuro, will you marry me?"

"I thought you didn't like paperwork."

"I don't, but I like you. So I don't mind it for the right reasons."

"You're gonna make me do all of it, huh?" Kuroo grins as he he takes Kenma into his arms so he can kiss him silly.

"Don't be dumb" Kenma smiles into Kuroo's mouth, "I'll help with all the fees.

"You're such a brat" Kuroo laughs

"But will you marry me?"

Kuroo doesn't respond at first, instead taking Kenma's hand where his crudely drawn ring is. He traces over the lines of it, thinking about how he mostly did it as a joke. He guessed in some small way it was also a bit of hope of what he wanted.

He wonders if Kenma caught on to that too.

"I'll file as much paperwork as I have to, Kenma"

"So yes?"

"Yes!"

Kenma grabs his hand, "I need your hand."

"Kenma what are you doing??" Kuroo says, dumbfounded as Kenma takes out a marker.

He's a fast worker, doesn't take as long as Kuroo in making sure the lines are just right. The marker's felt tip tickles against Kuroo's skin when it goes around his finger, but at the end, there is a crudely drawn ring on Kuroo's ring finger too.

Kenma closes the marker before admiring his work and going, "We're engaged now."

Kenma doesn't get a chance to explain he ordered a real ring that will arrive in a few days, because Kuroo has fallen in love with Kenma all over again and needs to kiss him the silliest possible.

[parkkiablah]

Your writing is soooo good! I've loved everything you've done .

Could I give a prompt of Zevlor X Tiefling Tav ( purple Tielfing )

That after she's rescued the tieflings from moonrise and discovered that Zevlor is missing. There heart breaks as they think they now have forever missed the chance to tell him there true feelings 💔

But they take that anger and sadness and fight kethric and when they find zevlor and maybe bring him with them to finish the fight ( I wish we could bring him with us in game )

Anyway they get back to camp and Tav ignores everyone and looks for zevlor and when they find him they hug him and there tail wraps around his.

(Thank you so much for the request!! I hope you like it 🧡)

Lost Chance? (Zevlor x Tiefling Tav)

You sneaked into the prison area of Moonlight Towers, looking for the tiefling refugees here.

When you heard what happened it was out of question for you to get them out of here, they were your kind after all and you grew fond of them, sharing the same burden of judgement the people held against tieflings.

You still didn't believe that Zevlor just betrayed them. There had to be more to it than just that and you had to talk to him about it.

When you found the prison cells you were happy to finally have found them. Lia stood at the front of the cell, telling you to talk to the gnomes in the other cell as they seemed to plan something.

And so you did. It wasn't easy to find a way to talk to them without the prison guards starting to be suspicious of you but you managed. Wulbren had asked for something to break through the walls of the cell and you threw an heavy weapon you had with you inside the cell, careful not to be caught in the act.

You were sure you had to fight the guards around anyway so you thought it would be a good option to use as a distraction of what the gnomes and tieflings did in the cells.

The gnomes had quickly destroyed the wall in their cell, revealing a tunnel to the tiefling's cell and to a small boat.

They waited before they left, obviously unsure where to go.

Scanning the group of them you didn't notice Zevlor being with them. Was he not here?

"Is Zevlor not with you?", you asked them.

"They brought him somewhere else, no idea what kind of plan they had for him.", Cal responded.

You were stunned and shocked. It couldn't be. Did they torture him? Or kill him right away? Your mind was wandering on all the worst scenarios and you couldn't stop feeling helpless.

He couldn't be dead. It just couldn't be.

It would mean you missed your chance to tell him how you felt for him.

You didn't know him for a long time, yet you couldn't help feeling warm whenever you talked to him, feeling comfortable yet nervous, feeling your heart beat faster when he just looked at you. There was no way you could deny your feelings for him and right in that moment you felt lost.

Zevlor wasn't here and knowing how cruel the Absolute was it wouldn't be a surprise to you if they had killed him. And realizing that was like a hit in the stomach.

You missed your chance.

Or that's what you believed when you were fighting Ketheric. Your anger and frustration obviously showing and it made the fight on the roof of Moonrise towers a short one, when Ketheric disappeared into the Mindflayer colony.

Following him you noticed the amount of tunnels formed inside of the colony and finding the way towards Ketheric would probably take a while.

Stumbling through the many tunnels and finding one dead end after the other you walked into a room with some of the pods you had been in as well a while ago. The first one of them showed a Mindflayer while the next one was empty.

When your eyes saw the third one you couldn't believe your eyes for a second. Zevlor was stuck in there.

He was alive.

Your hands found the mechanism opening the pods in no time and you didn't care about the Mindflayers you had to fight. You would fight hundreds of them if you had to.

The fight was a short one, Zevlor fighting with you and his blade easily cutting through the enemies.

Still in disbelieve you watched as his blade cut through the last enemy. He turned around to you, blood covering his face aside his tired expression and yet you couldn't find him any less attractive than the last time you had seen him.

"Thank you. I really thought it was over for me.", he said, his face showing relief.

You tried holding back any emotions trying to run through your body, after all you still had to fight and defeat Ketheric.

"I'm glad we have found you. I was worried when I didn't see you with the others.", you said.

"The others.. what happened to them?"

His voice was heavy with guilt and you were curious to hear his part of the story once you got out of here.

"I saved all I could. Some where in prison here but they are safe."

"I have no right worrying about them but I can't thank you enough for saving them once again."

"Would you join me in the next fight? I could use your help.", you asked him and hoped he won't refuse. You couldn't stand the thought of him being out of your sight again.

"I don't think this is a good idea, the Absolute made me turn against my people once already and I don't want to find my blade in your back.", he said, his face showing worry and defeat.

"I trust you. Please join us.", you said. Your eyes were locked with his as he tried to find a way to say no to you. He looked at you for a few seconds before a sigh left his lips.

"I will do my best to assist you.", he finally replied and you were happy to have him with you in the upcoming fight.

Knowing him by your side made you feel at ease and even more so when you defeated Ketheric.

It was a lot to take in, yet you pushed most of the information to the back of your mind, your priority was to have a chance to talk to Zevlor outside of the Mindflayer colony you were still in.

Your camp was set up inside of Moonrise towers today as you successfully defeated all the enemies inside of here.

Aylin and Isobel were the first to approach you, Jaheira tried a moment later, yet you turned them down and told them you would talk later.

You just wanted to find Zevlor right now.

He was standing outside of the door to Moonrise towers, looking into the distance while he was obviously deep in thought with his back facing you.

"Zevlor.", you called out his name and he turned around. Thats when you collided with his chest, the impact made him take a step back or he would have fallen, your arms around his waist and your face burried in his chest.

You stood there for a moment when you felt his arms slowly close around you, pressing you closer to his body and his head resting against yours.

Your tail searched for his, wrapping around it slowly and you felt him do the same. Tails wrapped around each other many times, twisted together like you never wanted to let go of him.

Thats when you couldn't hold your emotions back anymore. You quietly sobbed into his chest and he held you even closer.

"I thought I had lost you.", you sobbed, having a hard time forming words with the sobs shaking through your body.

His hands caressed your back, trying to calm your shaking form and offer some comfort.

"I am here. You saved me again and I can't thank you enough for it.", he whispered into your ear.

He held you like that for a while, chest moving with his steady breathing that camled you down while your sobs became less frequent.

You loosened the embrace, wiping your face and hiding your face from him.

"Sorry, I shouldn't be such a mess right now."

His hands found your cheeks and lifted your face to look at him.

"No need to apologize. You can cry on my shoulder anytime you need.", he said quietly.

Your eyes wandered over his face, blood still clinging to his skin and his eyes full of worry. His thumbs wiped over your cheeks to remove the tears, who were still wet on your skin and you relaxed into the simple caress of his fingers.

"I really thought I had lost my chance to tell you..", you whispered and he looked at you like he was waiting for you to continue talking. "I love you, Zevlor. I know we didn't have much time together and we don't know each other well but I can't help feeling-"

He cut you off with his lips on yours. Your eyes were wide for a moment, trying to realize what is happening before you closed them and relaxed into the kiss. Lips softly moving against each other, his hands still cupping your face, holding you gently while your tails were still wrapped around each other.

"I feel the same.", he whispered when you had parted for a moment, only to find you press your lips onto his again.

[xiaoyoa]

May I request romantic headcanons of Qi Shiyi, Fiona Gilman, and Michiko with an s/o who loves to pamper them ♥

If the amount of characters are too much/prefer not to write you can just choose whoever you want to write for :)

PAMPERING S/O X FIONA, QI, MICHIKO

warning - none! / gender neutral terms / romantic

note - i am SOSOSO sorry for responding to this ask so late! i've had lots of college business and it's all been so hectic...this is my first offical writing though!! hopefully i can look back on this and see how much i've improved.

FIONA GILMAN

- fiona loves you so much, she cannot amount it into words.

- she could care less if you're distant, close, introverted, extroverted....if you managed to get her to love you, she'll love you for eternity

- HOWEVER.

- fiona will never encourage you to spend money on her, or take time out of your day to fufill her needs - however if you DO carry out these activities, she'll fall in love all over again

- fiona's achilles heel is attention, if you give her gifts or massage her when stressed etc etc she will shut down...

- she always returns the favor tenfold though! you bought her a small teddy bear? she bought you twenty. LARGE ones.

- she LOVES pampering you, so make sure you pamper her back - she loves that even more!

- do try not to pamper her too much though, she may completely overload!

QI SHIYI

- qi, much like fiona is a very loving woman

- her love language, however, swings more towards the quality time side.

- her favourite things to do with you is to sit together, perhaps her playing the flute and you reading a book - or maybe you both go out to the garden and look at the flowers?

- either way, she will never pass up an opportunity to spend time with you

- if you were to pamper her, she might not know how to react at first

- she loves it, dont get me wrong! it's just not her style

- you'll find that if you give her gifts - she'll use them religiously

- you gave her a necklace, perhaps? she's wearing it for the next 6 months

- her favourite thing to recieve is hair accessories, or anything hair related! if you suggest doing her hair for her, she won't shut up about it until you do it (she'll only subtly mention it, but after the 50000th hint you'd probably get the point)

MICHIKO

- OH. MY. GOD.

- she ADORES being pampered!

- you and her are a perfect match, even more so than you were when the two of you fell in love!

- michiko adores you, her favourite part of the day is coming back to you and seeing how you're going to pamper her this time

- do her nails? she'll do yours as well! you've brought her some gifts? she'll cherish these forever, thank you s/o! spa night? can't we just do a spa night 24/7, s/o?

- michiko will pamper you back, but she much prefers being pampered by you

- sometimes she'll even fake being ill or upset so you can dote on her....

- in conclusion, pamper michiko and shes never letting go of you, EVERRR

- one thing michiko can never turn down is when you offer to help with her makeup, she finds it so endearing that you want to help with a major part of her identity and culture

- in conclusion she is the BEST person to pamper

[tara-the-quiet-bookworm-2016]

Cherish You Yandere! Gaz x Female Reader. Chapter Two.

Authors Notes- And here I am back again with yet another chapter to Cherish You. And as you can gather by now I like to point out all triggering things in the Authors Notes so this chapter will feature yet more obsessive thoughts from our boy Gaz. Stalking, non-con voyeurism, mentions of violence, and dubious consent, if none of this is your cuppa tea then this is where we part ways but I'll remember our time fondly. Now that we got that out of the way here is Chapter Two.

Chapter Two: Forever.

Tonight had been ruined. Gaz thought as he drove home after bidding both you and...him. Goodnight, promising you that you and and he would get together again soon, and Gaz hoped, hoped that James wouldn't be there. What did you see in him? Sure, Gaz could see why you would be enamored with him, James seemed like a wonderful guy, to anyone else that is. But to Gaz the man seemed to be hiding something.

And he didn't just think that because Gaz was harboring feelings for you either. At least that's what he told himself, tried to convince himself that your relationship wasn't going to work, and you would come to your senses and realize at it was him you loved.

Oh, who am I kidding? Gaz thought darkly, as he stepped out of his car and headed into his home, his mother and sisters were fast asleep as it was well past midnight by now, and honestly Gaz normally would be going to bed right about now too. But he knew he couldn't as he stepped into the bathroom, stripping of his clothes and stepping into the shower, hoping that it would help clear his head of these thoughts.

But alas, no such luck. I'm so deeply in love with you, Y/N. And you just don't see that do you? He thought, lathering himself up, a tired sigh escaping his lips as he let his head fall back. And I've lost you, haven't I?

No. A new thought formed in Gaz's mind as he stepped out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist as he headed towards his room. This isn't over, Y/N. You were meant to be mine, you will be mine...

Climbing under the covers Gaz soon drifted off to sleep, dreaming of you, dreaming of the day you were his. And hopefully tomorrow would be a new day. And hey, perhaps tomorrow you and he would do lunch or breakfast or something without James.

***

Morning came soon after, and while Gaz somehow managed to get a pretty decent nights sleep despite everything he was still in a foul mood. He had texted you the moment he had woke up, asking you if you'd like to do breakfast or lunch or something, and...no response. No worries he had told himself you often slept in late when you didn't have to wake up early, and he knew you usually got up around noon or one-ish depending on how tired you were. But, now it was three and still no response, your normally at least texted him back no matter how busy you were. Obviously James was taking up your time.

That thought alone caused Gaz to growl, gripping his phone hard enough to almost crack the screen. When-

"Kyle?" His mother called, jerking him from his thoughts.

Looking up he looked to where his mother and sisters were looking at him from their places at the table. His mother looking at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry," Gaz said sheepishly, feeling his cheeks heat up. "What did you say?"

His mother looked at him, a frown on her face. "I asked what your plans were for today?"

Gaz thought for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip, before shrugging his shoulders. "I was going to go to breakfast or lunch with Y/N but she hasn't responded, so nothing really."

At that his sister chuckled. "That's not surprising, Y/N has been spending all her time with her new boyfriend lately."

Gaz perked up at that, looking to his sister, noting how she said boyfriend. Did his sisters hate your new boyfriend as much as he did?

"Ick." His other sister piped up. "I don't see what she sees in that guy, do you think Y/N realizes he's scum?"

Well, this certainly got interesting.

"Do you guys not like him?" Gaz asked them.

All eyes were on him now, silence permeating throughout the room, his sister chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to find away to answer his question. "Look, it's not like he's a complete asshole." she started, looking rather sheepish, seeming to regret saying anything knowing that Gaz had a tendency of somehow dragging things out when given the chance.

So, she knew trying to keep him in the dark was near impossible, but that didn't stop her from feeling like something was off with Gaz, that this was more than just mere curiosity in regards to his best friends new boyfriend. "But the guy has some red flags."

That piqued Gaz's interest. "Meaning?" he prompted, perhaps what he learned here could be of use to get you away from him.

"Well, he's always keeping tabs on Y/N whenever she's out without him, I remember him calling her so many times the last time we went out. Another time I recall him going off on her one time because she and several of her coworkers went out for drinks after work, and of course he was with them. And lost his shit when she laughed at something one of her male co-workers said. James said that she was flirting with him, and he all but dragged her out of there. Suffice it to say. Asshole."

"And did you discuss this with Y/N?" Gaz asked, hopefully, perhaps you saw how messed up with was, and with a little nudge or two you would be convinced to leave him.

"We tried but Y/N is all starry-eyed and shit around him. Got those rose-tinted glasses on so that all of his red flags just look like flags. I just hope she comes to her senses before he really hurts her." His sister sighed.

Gaz would never allow that to happen, he would rip him limb from bloody limb before James ever laid a hand on you. But now, with this new information Gaz knew that now more than ever he had to get you away from him. Nodding to himself he finished off his breakfast, you and him had agreed to meet up for a bit of shopping WITHOUT James.

***

"So?" You spoke, as both you and Gaz walked down the street, Gaz's arms laden with all your bags that he insisted on carrying, hell he even insisted on buying you things he knew you had your eye on. Though you had tried to tell him no he bought you countless items he knew you had always wanted, you had said no but Gaz knew you deserved it. Did James spoil you like he did?

"Where do you want to go to eat?" You asked.

Gaz shrugged, an easy smile on his pretty face, a smile that always brought a faint blush to your cheeks, he always loved seeing you blush, and as the two of you continued to walk and talk about everything Gaz's poor heart skipping a beat whenever you smiled at him. Fuck how he loved you, and you had no idea, no matter once he was out of the way Gaz would gather up his courage and tell you how he felt. And he hoped, prayed that you would finally come to your senses and realize that it was him that you loved. Not James, and man who didn't know how to treat someone like you, someone so precious, so sweet, so innocent.

How he dreamed of corrupting you, of taking you, how more than once when he was gone did he dream of you, of taking you, your sweet cries reaching his ears as you came undone underneath him. And like always he always woke up, cock hard and twitching as he came in his boxers, your name on his lips as he did so. What would you think if you knew what he thought of you? Would you feel the same?

"Kyle?" Your sweet voice jerked him from his thoughts, hand on his arm as you looked up at him. "Did you hear me?"

"Oh sorry, did you say something?" Gaz asked, cheeks flushing.

"I asked where you'd like to eat. Are... you okay?" You asked, placing a hand on his arm, his poor heart skipping a beat as you did so.

"Of course, why?" Gaz asked.

"You've been rather quiet today."

"Sorry," Gaz said, rather sheepishly. "I've had a lot on my mind as of late."

"About what?"

Gaz chewed on his bottom lip as he looked down at you, should he tell you what's on his mind? Should he tell you what he thought of your boyfriend? Should he gather up the courage to tell you how he felt?

"Kyle?" You prompted as he fell silent once again.

Gaz looked down at you. Words he had been dying to say for years on the tip of his tongue, struggling to come out. "Y/N, I've been meaning to tell you something I-"

DING!

He was cut off by the sound of your phone chiming, noticing how your eyes widened as it did before you reached for it, only to stop yourself. Obviously whoever had texted you could wait. But, obviously whoever was texting you couldn't.

DING! DING! DING!

Another string of chimes indicating three more text messages, and Gaz couldn't help but notice how your demeanor changing with each text message. Pulling your phone out of your purse you unlocked it, your smile turning into a frown.

"Are you okay?" Gaz asked.

Forcing yourself to look away from your phone you forced a smile to your face as you looked to your friend. "O-Of course, look I'm sorry Kyle but something has come up. Can we take a raincheck?"

Gaz frowned. It was him, wasn't it? There was only one person Gaz knew that could make you feel like this. Without waiting for him to respond you darted down the street, and out of his sight.

Gaz growled low in his throat, this was the last straw, gritting his teeth he disappeared down the street opposite of you. He had work he needed to do...

***

Night time just couldn't come fast enough for Gaz as he spent most of his day tracking down where James worked and soon learned where he lived, he was intent of finding dirt on the guy to show you that he was no good for you. He could no longer stand idly by as you slipped further and further away from him. So, here he was looking over his shoulder as he picked the lock to James apartment, the door swinging open as he did so and quietly stepped in. He knew James wasn't home he was out for the evening with you. So Gaz had plenty of time to look around.

Closing the door behind him he glanced around the apartment, it was nice he'd admit that as he moved towards the living room, noting the various books lining the bookshelves, filled with non-fiction, and history books, well that was one thing you and James didn't have in common. You always loved your fiction, claiming that you had enough with real life as is that sometimes you liked to escape to other worlds.

And how Gaz loved to watch you do so, seeing that soft smile on your lips and dreamy look on your face. Did James appreciate that? Seeing nothing note-worthy in the living room aside from a dying house plant that only indicated that he sucked at taking care of living things that is. And besides most of the juicy stuff was normally in either the office or bedroom. Gaz opted for the bedroom first, passing the hallway closet as he did so.

Entering the room he saw a perfectly made bed and a small desk beside it with a desk lamp. Turning on the lamp he began to rummage around, his eyes lighting up when he caught sight of something, various somethings in fact. One was another phone, not the one Gaz had seen with him the last time he had seen James, this one was different, but that's not what caught his attention. Beneath the phone were pictures of James and a woman, or rather several women that weren't you.

Narrowing his eyes Gaz picked up the pictures and flipped though them, and there was no way these could be his relatives, and with the amount of tongue action there was between James and there various women it was safe to say that theses weren't just friends...

Did his spare phone have the numbers of these girls? Gaz turned to the phone once more, picking it up he began to try and decipher the password, and not to his surprise it turned out to be his birthday. Typical. For a guy who had more than a few secrets you'd think he'd do better to make sure things were secure. Did he really think no one would ever find out? Boy was he in for a surprise.

Pocketing both the phone and the pictures he turned to leave the apartment, when he heard the door begin to unlock. Shit. He was supposed to be gone for hours why was he back already? Biting back a curse Gaz ducked into the hallway closet as the door swung open and in stomped a red faced James. You following closely behind.

"I keep telling you it's not what you think-"

"Really?!" James snapped, whirling on you, gripping your arm so hard you knew it would leave a bruise. "And what am I supposed to think? Batting your eyes at the waiter like that, and that giggling-"

"I was just being friendly, and the giggling the joke he told me was funny-"

"Don't bullshit me, bitch!" James roared, jerking your forward, eyes blazing.

Anger swelled in Gaz's chest as he saw the fear shining in your eyes as you looked to your boyfriend anger at James for making you feel afraid, was this way you had skipped out on your lunch date with him? What other things had he done to you.

"You were flirting with him. Just like you were probably cheating on me with what's-his- face. Your best friend or whatever."

"Kyle? He and I are best friends, James. Please just listen to me-"

"You know I worked hard for this evening, Y/N." James sighed, sounding disappointed. "And you do nothing but throw it back in my face, you're so...ungrateful..."

"No, no, no please I appreciate everything you've done for me tonight and every other night." You protested.

Why were you fighting so hard for him? Gaz wondered, as he watched you rest your hands on James' heaving chest, trying to calm him down. You should be cutting ties with the fuck not dealing with this. You deserved better.

"Do you really?" James asked. You nodded, tears shining in your beautiful eyes. Gaz's anger intensifying. "Then perhaps you can make it up to me..."

Wasting no more time James lead you to the bedroom, a hand on the back of your neck. "Oh, James maybe we shouldn't-"

"You love me don't you?" James asked, looking down at you, hunger shining in his eyes.

"Yes, but-"

"Then you will do this for me." And with that he lead you into the bedroom. A sick feeling formed in Gaz's gut, he had a pretty good idea what was happening, and he was more than certain you weren't all to willing. Stepping out of the closet he stood in the hallway debating on what he should do now.

He wanted nothing more than to throw the door to that room open and tear James limb from bloody limb right in front of you, to take you from him, to make James feel the exact same fear you no doubt felt. But he stopped himself, you saw Gaz as Kyle, sweet kind Kyle who never wanted to hurt you. He couldn't let you see him as Gaz, a man who had done unspeakable things in his life, who was capable of unspeakable things. Horrific things. So he hesitated, he knew he should leave head home and get some rest.

And that was what he had intended, but a noise from the bedroom caught his attention, heading in the direction of the bedroom he hesitated once more. No. He should be heading home, you had promised to make it up to him for flaking out on him tomorrow, and Gaz wanted to be rested for that, but he couldn't force himself to move. Instead he moved towards the bedroom as he was greeted by a low growl, James no doubt, followed by a breathy whine from you.

Gaz felt sick at the thought of what was going on in there. Biting down on his bottom lip so hard he drew blood he opened the door just a crack, thankful that the lights in the hallway were off as he peered into the room. And wished he hadn't. Because there you were, on your knees before James, naked, both your and James clothes scattered around the room, James thick fingers tangled in your hair as he thrust into your mouth. your hands on James thighs, his length being forced down your throat.

"Th-that's it." James growled, his eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, exposing his throat to Gaz, who fought the urge to barge in there and rip it out. Imagining the look of terror on his face as blood sprayed all around the room. "Taking me so fucking good, you fucking whore."

Gaz clenched his jaw so hard he swore his teeth would crack. With a low guttural growl James came down your throat before pulling your roughly off his slick cock, a few more spurts of cum hitting your face. James chuckled. "You at you," he cooed, smirking down at you as you fought to catch your breath. "A desperate little slut, you think anyone would ever have you if they saw you like this? Would Kyle?"

Gaz watched as you flinched at that, eyes widening when he heard a sharp slap, your head jerking to the side. "Answer me!"

"N-no..."

"Who would have you?" James asked. Fingers carding through your hair.

"Y-you, only you..." You choked out. Your back was to Gaz so he couldn't see the tears welling in your eyes, or he would have thrown away everything and dragged you out of there.

"You're right, get up, you're far from done." James told you, as he yanked you to your feet, and tossed you onto the bed with a squeak.

He had seen enough. Gaz forced himself away from the door, and headed out of the apartment. He needed to get you away from him. And soon Gaz would put his plan into motion...

***

Authors Notes- And that concludes Chapter Two of Cherish You. Yeah, I know a lot of people were probably hoping that Gaz would steal Y/N right then and there but yeah things are far from over. But I hope you enjoyed it.

[rin-and-jade]

Helloo!!! <3 I hope this message finds you well and that you'll have a wonderful day/ evening :)

So. First of all I am really grateful for your blog because I managed to understand some things about my problems.. also I should say first that im only suspecting I might have did or osdd 1b and im trying not to exaggerate about this self diagnosing thing and taking it slow (its almost a year since then and I think this diagnose describes exactly my struggles) but anyways. im pretty sure I have cptsd! so it might be just ptsd...

But I wanted to ask you bc I just dont know who else to ask this: are there any particular techniques to minimize trauma regarding learning or studying? (like I was receiving physical beatings for fucking years.. because I couldn't concentrate while trying to study- sorry for the unnecesary details) im really trying my best and sometimes I try to speak to the little of our system about the whole process of studying and how its not going to hurt her, that mistaking is very normal and from mistakes we will gather experience and that our abuser cannot do us harm anymore, so on and so on. It works mostly but she's not the only one who has problems regarding this specific trauma so its a lot harder to keep up with everyone wlse who might be triggered. I can't always hear them responding to me or giving me any sign of anknowledgment when trying to explain what is happening but the hardest part is concentrating and not feeling extremely tired... it goes without saying that this is very frustrating. And its been already two years since I tried my best to study. I just always seem to fall in the same pit..

I hope it makes sense what i've written here and if you dont have any advice then its totally fine!!!

P.S. this is not my native language. sorry :'D

Im so sorry that you’re having a really hard time around the aspect of studying, it makes me happy that you’re still kicking and trying,, asking help from me is totally fine even if you’ll need it multiple times, im gladly creating answers that could work for people and you.

I had gave a thought, we can do a few things like having exposure therapy (the technique), having a study buddy, and for the concentration such as using a different learning media, breaking it smaller with breaks each, and using more techniques for this too.

Regarding about study difficulty:

Exposure: this is a repeated process where your brain is given something it used to find as dangerous from the past and be stuck on a flight or fight response whenever it appears again. Be repetitively exposing what it fears, the brain always expects a bad outcome, and the thing is to ride it through until it knows it’s a false alarm and go “oh wait its not happening” until the initial stress from it is gone, this can be done by yourself (because i did). This is best done in a calm environment where you will attempt this, and call quits if its overwhelming for the first few tries,, but never drop it forever.

Study buddy: this is a great way to deal with it when studying alone feels too tedious to do. Studying together is helpful as your brain can re-associate what studying is actually like, you can do this with your current friends, it can be done physically or you can do it by online too.

For better concentration:

Media: studying about a topic that is presented in a video with visual representation keeps your eyes wondering less, since more elements are in there rather than reading a textbook, where it’s easy to drift off when words feel too much.

Breaks: studying in a prolonged time also defeats the motivation and focus, I personally study for test as i play (literally), in intervals. I review the necessary subjects in parts, rehearse, play, go back and revise what i remember and the previous one too,, rinse and repeat until i can remember the whole topic that needs to be memorized for the test. But this can be applied for regular learning where it’s just done in consistent intervals.

Others:

Destressing, it helps remove unnecessary clutter that’s taking space in your mind interfering focus.

Music, adding a background noise while studying may help some people and especially who needs sensory stimulation to focus properly.

Rewards, having a goal to reach to will make you easier to focus, and when you reach it (say 5 minutes of reading then want to watch a reel) your brain loves it. Then do it again.

I hope this can help you, this took a while to write everything so i don’t know what else haven’t got listed (because I can’t remember all at once) but nonetheless, try them, i insist!

- j

[fragileizywriting]

Izy please I need you to tell me more about dl!juleka, I've been thinking about her for days. We know she thinks of Mari as a sort of mother figure, obvi she sees Luka as her brother and loves him forever but what does she think of Adrien? Does she also see him as a brother? Older brother you mess with?? Younger brother you also mess with but in a different way?? What does she think of the dl trio kids when they come around? How does she fit in that family dynamic? /1

/2 like does she help take care of the babies? Does she teach em cool tricks or pranks? Does she tell them stories???? I bet she has the best stories. Do the kids see her as an older sister ?? Please I'm so full of thoughts and feelings about this familyyyy

i'm so late to answer your question i'm sorry! i wanted to answer today but i got distracted by [gestures vaguely] bad feelings. i will do my best to answer the first part tonight before bed and get to the second part tomorrow!

i haven't decided what type of relationship she'll have with adrien because it's kind of a bit of a mixed bag. i think it'll be super unique to them both; she's never interacted with a guy outside of luka (though to be fair, calling luka a guy in this context is an understatement) and meanwhile adrien's never interacted with a child. i think adrien is going to learn a great deal about how children work and how to take care of them, even though jules is pretty self-sufficient. she has needs, because she's a First but also because she's blind and because she's also a child, and this isn't something he was expecting at all. he certainly never imagined a little girl to show up in their lives, fully articulated and all.

i think both jules and adrien aren't used to sharing in the way they have to. maybe they get on each other's nerves in a brother/sister way that her and luka don't get up to. i'm thinking maybe their relationship is similar to some moments between power/denji? the two of them bite and scuffle over food, seating arrangements, books...

this ask has made me think about something a bit off tangent-- just something small, miniscule, where maybe marinette is remaking jules's bed because she kinda fucked up the sheets the night before because she had a nightmare and kept tossing and turning, and marinette is putting on a new pillow case and stuff and jules is sitting on the bed waiting and she's just listening to marinette hum, and she goes:

"mei mei?"

"yes, my love?" marinette answers off-handedly. when jules doesn't reply, just simply smiling to herself, marinette stops moving her hands. "jules? what's wrong?"

"nothing," jules responds. "i just waited a long time to hear you say that. it's nice to finally be able to hear it, you know?"

and marinette starts tearing up, because she's a baby, she's a little girl, who loves so unconditionally. she fell and she's in pain and things hurt but she still smiles when she's happy and her laugh is so cute and adorable and sometimes eats off of luka's fork when she wants to try something but doesn't want to commit.

"oh," marinette whispers, just loud enough for her to hear. "how long did you wait to hear my voice?"

"since i read your book!"

"since before i was born, huh?"

"it's worth it. so, so worth it. lukas's book says that you sound like stars. adrien's book always mentioned your accent whenever you spoke french but i never realized how much i'd love it until i heard it. it kept me a lot of company."

millions and millions of years, waiting? how could she do it? marinette has only spend a few tens of thousands, and that's enough for her to never want to go through it again. how did jules manage, knowing that a family waited for her down here, but she needed to wait until the right moment?

marinette can't help herself, pulling jules in for a hug. tears running down her face as she tucks the little angel close and kisses her bangs. "never again, okay? you and i are staying together. the whole family is. i promise."

"okay," jules whispers. marinette can feel wetness bleeding onto her shirt. "forever."

[funny-fella-fantrolls]

🗣️ - Shudao + Therus, perhaps?

Shudao is resting in his hive, watching a movie when he gets a knock at his front door. He calls out, unsure who it is.

"Who's there/?"

A familiar voice responds, slightly strained but otherwise recognisable.

"It's Therus. I need your help re∆l quick."

The oliveblood jumps up and rushes to the door. If Therus was coming to him for help, something must be up. He grabs the door handle and opens it, seeing Therus right in front of him, covered in cuts and bruises, with a few bloodstains decorating his hoodie, not all of them his colour.

"Fucking hell/. What happened/?"

"Went to find out ∆bout ∆ job. Fleet guys were w∆iting. C∆n I come in?"

"Yeah, sure, just go sit down/. I'll go grab some medical supplies and some spare clothes/. Assuming I still have spares, actually/."

"Th∆nks."

Therus walks through the hive, sitting down on the loungeplank and waiting and Shudao rushes to grab his first aid kit, and a spare set of his clothes.

"Alright, should have everything here/. Ditch the hoodie/. Body armour and shirt too while you're at it/."

"Heh, getting me to strip? Wh∆t would your m∆tesprit think if she w∆lked in right now?"

The joke draws a chuckle out of Shudao, the oliveblood appreciating how the situation would look from outside.

"Yeah, T/. Next I'll get the pole and the stack of singles out/. But seriously/. I need to check you over/."

"Fine, fine, gimme ∆ sec."

Therus begins to remove his hoodie, struggling to get it over his horns, but managing eventually, and then taking off his body armour and his shirt.

"There we go, now let's take a quick look/."

Shudao looks over Therus's body, checking for any injuries beyond cuts and scrapes, but finding nothing. He grabs a roll of bandages, but stops just before starting to wrap the wounds.

"Go wash first/. Need to make sure I'm not gonna be wrapping up your wounds while they're dirty, and I'd be here forever if I tried to wipe each cut first/."

"Got it. I'll be quick."

With that, the rustblood runs upstairs, climbing into the ablution trap and turning on the water, washing himself off, before drying himself, wrapping a towel around his waist and heading back downstairs.

"I'm done, you got those b∆nd∆ges re∆dy?"

"Yeah, get over here and I'll get you all wrapped up/."

As Shudao begins to bandage his friend's injuries, he starts talking.

"So, a fleet ambush, huh/?"

"Ye∆h, b∆rely m∆de it out."

"Surprised you did/. Kind of trolls they get for those jobs are tough bastards/."

"Our sp∆rring sessions c∆me in h∆ndy there. Know ∆ thing or two ∆bout fighting someone stronger th∆n me."

"Guessing you killed 'em/?"

"They would h∆ve done the s∆me to me."

"True/. Anyway, that's the bandages all done/. Get these on, I'll get your clothes back to you when I've washed them/."

"∆lright, dude. You re∆lly do let th∆t lusus h∆lf through sometimes, you know?"

"So I hear/. I just feel like if someone chooses to ask me for help, might as well go all in/."

Therus begins to put on the spare clothes given to him by Shudao, with the addition of his body armour just in case.

"There we go. Well, th∆nks ∆g∆in, dude. Guess I'll be on my w∆y. See you!"

"See you whenever, T/."

With that, the rustblood leaves back to his hive, and Shudao goes to put the dirty clothes to be washed.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Can you do a part two of Tommy and the girl he adopt from the orphanage I gotta see more of her relationship with Noah Solomon’s. And I beg an plead can you do a scene where the whole family goes to the fair and Noah’s there with Alfie. She’s riding on the Ferris wheel with like a friend or something she might be in a fight lol it’s Noah an please I beg you use the scene from the note book where Noah jumps up and hangs from the beg her to go forgive him. But she cheekily undoes his pants like Allie did and her whole family and alfie are watching it unfold !! Please

Dear Anon,

I wanted this so badly that I let this request jump the que. I've never seen the notebook and I had a different slightly more ridiculous scenario that popped into my head hopefully this is satisfactory!

Warnings: Angry dads, peaky typical violence, kissing, suggested sexual content, Aunt Polly loves you enough to stay up all night.

Part 1

There were a lot of things your parents did right and knowing how to motivate you to do well was one of them. 

The fair was in town that weekend and if you got top marks on your finals, they would take you, and if you got okay marks Esme and John said they would take you behind their back. But you wanted to see your dad at the fair.

Lizzie always looked out of place because of how beautiful she looked. While Tommy always looked out of place because he looked like he was coming from a funeral or causing one. The thought of him taking you to the fair brought you a whole mix of feelings. Part of you thought it was funny, the other remembered how badly you’d wanted your dad to take you when you were little. 

When Noah called to let you know that he and his family were also planning on going you refused to acknowledge the looming possibility that it could go horrifically wrong. He’d called to ask if it would be better that they go on a different day, but you assured him that was ridiculous. In your eyes, they were business friends. But still friends, no reason to give each other a hard time or cause a scene. 

“Don’t worry about it Noah, I’m sure they will manage” You fought to get the words out in a reasonable tone. “If any problems come up, I’ll have us leave right away.” 

“Don’t worry about it love, If things kick up on our end we can leave. I know how much you wanted to go.” His voice was like honey, and you just wanted to drown in it forever. God and he cared so much.

“That’s really sweet of you. I- I think it will be fine.” You said with a smile you hoped he could hear. 

“I’ll call you before bed” There was a loud commotion behind him and you assumed he must be calling you from his dad’s work. 

“And I’ll answer.” You responded back. Since you were going steady he’d call you every night before bed. Sometimes to chat, other times just to tell you he hoped you slept well. The line went dead and you let out a triumphant squeal. 

Your dad flung open the study door scanning the room. Looking around the room and finding nothing out of place or alarming, his face fell and he let out a sigh. 

“What's he done this time eh? Bloody boy -” He continued to grumble but you cut him off with a big hug. Normally you kept your screams of excitement and any loud noises to an absolute minimum because you hated how it set him off. War flashed in his eyes every time, you never knew what to do so you just hugged him and hope it helped. 

“Nothing, nothing. Just excited to go to the fair.” 

“Nothing to do with the Solomons also going to the fair then?” He responded easily holding you back. Your eyes went wide and you pulled away enough to look up at him. “That’s right us dad’s talk you know.” You froze up even more. Did Noah talk about you? Did Alfie? 

“What do you talk about?” He looked at you for a long second holding you in suspense. 

“Business and now thanks to you coordinated trips to the fair.” He sighed. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait. He coordinate it? Like he, you know, he tried to get us all there at the same time?” 

“According to Alfie, he won’t shut up about it. Wants us all to get along or something started talking about family trips out to the beach house, proposing after graduation, moving you off to London,” He watched your face twist up in horror before tickling you. 

“DAD!” You shouted pushing his hands off you. He moved past you to put his briefcase on his desk. 

“Caught your mother listening in on the phone with Esme in the kitchen.” He smiled at you and it was enough that you stopped bothering him even though you wanted to. “Not my fault, your mother knows no boundaries, trust me.” 

“I’ll have to sort that out later.” You said sternly. You already knew that they listened in that’s why you had come up with codded phrases and words. 

“Can we go still go then?” You asked him hesitantly.

“I’m not going to cause a gang fight at a family fair,” He said giving you a look that made you feel bad for implying such things. “ I know how to behave myself, it's Alfie we need to watch out for.” 

You made a mental note to ask John what the history was between the two men next time he was drunk. 

“So that’s a yes?” You asked hopefully. 

“It’s not a no.” He answered back and you did a happy dance. “Now go bother your mother for invading your privacy, I have a lot to do” 

You ran out of his study and went right into the kitchen, opening the door suddenly, startling the women on the other side. It wasn't even dinner yet and you could see that their faces were already quite rosy. You stared at them for a moment like you felt Tommy would, and they sat there looking suspicious. 

“Noah’s going to be at the fair, with his family.” They both nodded and hummed, you watched Esme look out the window and Lizzie focus her attention on the napkin in front of her. “But I’m sure you already knew that” 

You laughed as they both started blaming each other and rambling excuses. Normally it would irritate you but nothing could dampen your mood today. 

“So naturally I’ll need help figuring out what to wear,” You said letting them off the hook. You watch the relief and Esme playfully smacked you on the bottom. 

“Don’t do that your Aunty. I’m an old woman now!” She scolded 

“If you're an old woman what does that make me eh?” Lizzie shot back. They continued on bantering and you claimed your usual spot at the table. Polly eventually showed up and joined in. 

Where ever the women were, the men were usually not far behind. No better way to spend a Friday night than drinking with your family till the sun comes up. It was loud and your ribs always hurt afterward from laughing and singing. As things were starting to come to an end you sat on Tommy’s lap and got awarded your one alcoholic drink of the night. 

____

Getting to the fair was surprisingly easy. Everyone was going but they were taking their own cars, except you were picking up Polly. She slid into the back seat looking mighty hungover from the night before despite it being nearly 5 o’clock in the evening. 

She had her sunglasses on and before you said anything to her she held her hand up to silence you. She got settled and put her head on your shoulder tasking you with being a good pillow. 

After weeks of waiting and working hard, you were finally there. You followed your cousins leaving the parents to walk around at their own pace. 

You went along with whatever they wanted to do while you waited for Noah to get there. More than anything you wanted a kiss at the top of the Ferris wheel. Something your mind had cooked up in the many fantasies about how the day was going to go. Something that motivated you when you would start falling asleep on your textbook. 

You were determined to get that kiss at the top. 

Until you bumped into Roger. Why did gangsters think sending all their kids to the same school was a good idea? 

“Ah! There you are! Was hoping I’d bump into you.” He smile at you and your stomach turned into a knot. 

“Hi, Roger.” You said politely. “Was just about to go -” 

“Come with me on the Ferris wheel, Eh?” He cut you off making you even more annoyed. But the line was moving and he looped his arm into yours. The only way out of it would be to cause a big scene. His eyes narrowed and you got dragged towards the little, pink car. Once off this contraption you were going make this boy's life a living hell. Before all the way in you made one more scan of the crowd for your dad somehow thinking he’d be the answer to all of this. 

He started droning on about how you should go on some dates with him, get to know his family, leaving Noah behind. You felt your face get hot with anger, tears threatening to spill over on how such a terrible boy could cause such problems in your life. You should have started beating on him. Done something other than just go along with it. Your mind got worse and worse, as the thing started to move, you immediately regretted your decision of coming at all. 

You started to panic being in a space with this asshole, while also moving away from the ground. Your heart started to hammer and your hands got shaky. 

“You afraid, love?” He challenged, placing his hand on your knee suggestively. You pushed his hand away fighting the urge to start smacking him, it would only rock the car sending you into a fit. You tried desperately to focus on your breathing. After this was over you could run straight to your dad and leave. Go home to where it was safe. When suddenly the car made a horrid swinging motion. 

__________________________________________________

“What do you mean she’s on the Ferris wheel?” Shock washed over Noah as he looked up towards the contraption. All you had talked about was how badly you wished he could come so they could ride the bloody thing. 

“I thought she was up there with you,” Finn said coldly. Noah could tell Finn wasn't thrilled with the situation. He looked up and recognized Rodger’s navy blue cap. After his vile comments about her circulated to Noah he'd told her to stay as far away from him as possible. Realizing what he could be up to with her trapped in there all his sensibility disappeared.

Without thinking, or remembering his fear of heights, he was overcome with anger. 

“That fucking bastard!” The words were out of his mouth as he charged towards the ride. The thought of him putting his hands on you trapped in that stupid pink car was enough to send him over the fence and leaping up into the air. 

__________________________________________________

“Pulling my boy away from his faith. That’s what your little harlot of a daughter is doing.” Alfie said making Tommy’s fists clench. He could tell that Alfie regretted his choice of words without him saying anything so he let it go. 

“Your dodgy son is going to drag her right back to the sewers.” He answered smoothly. And that's exactly what the boy was going to do. Drag her right back into the life he fought to pull the family out of. 

“Should have raised her better.” He quipped back. Lizzie came and took his arm. 

“Lovely girl you got there Mrs. Shelby,” Alfie said politely. “I haven't had the pleasure yet but I’ve heard a lot about her.” 

“Likewise! Noah seems to have made quite the impression on her.” Lizzie smiled politely. Tommy looked around for any type of distraction when he noticed a boy hanging from the Ferris wheel. A commotion of yelling was going on when he noticed that it was his kid in the fucking car. 

“Fuck!” Tommy took off towards the ride not able to do anything other than get to her as soon as possible. Dumb fucking kids were going to send her to her death fucking around like that. 

Once he got close he could hear the shouting match. Of course, it was that stupid boy - 

“What’s your girl done, that’s got my boy dangling 20ft in the air?!” Alfie demanded and it took everything in Tommy to avoid pulling his gun. 

“WHY IS YOUR SON TRYING TO KILL HER EH?” He screamed back. He heard her let out a yelp and their attention refocused on the commotion in the sky. 

“NOAH DON’T ITS NOT WORTH IT.” he hated seeing her in so much distress. He was either going to shoot someone or puke. Or both.

“YES IT FUCKING IS. HE’S DEAD. FUCKING DEAD.” 

“WHO’S DEAD?” Lizzie screamed up causing him to jump. 

“ROGER” The two of them screamed down in unison. 

“YOU KILLED HIM THEN?” Alfie shouted and Tommy wondered how on earth his life decisions put him in such a ridiculous situation. 

“NOT YET” Noah called down. Tommy hated the boy, more than anything. But watching his daughter's hands hold on to the edge and the conviction in his eyes to keep her away from the Roger boy, he had to say it was something he thought only himself capable of at that age. 

The boy climbed into the car causing it to lurch. Tommy instinctively moved forward as if he could somehow catch her. Once the car steadied he didn't need to be there to know what was happening. 

The car moved to the top taking them out of view. 

__________________________________________________

Noah didn't waste any time. His fist mashed against Roger's face what felt like a hundred times. It was quick and the other boy didn't stand a chance. You looked at his hands, red knuckles split open, the way his arms looked with his sleeves rolled up. How he was out of breath, the fact that he did all of that for the worry that a boy might harm you. 

The violence was a part of life in the peaky blinders, and while it was still alarming to you, you knew that if anyone in your family had found out about it later, a story much the same as the one unfolding before you would have been written just the same. 

Same story, but this did something much different to you. You wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Not because you were at the top of a stupid Ferris Wheel, but because he was just so unbelievably hot. 

It was over in seconds and he looked at you causing your heart to stop.

“Fuck” he breathed pushing the hair from his face. “You alright?!” he moved to kneel in front of you, his hands running over you. “Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?” 

You could only sort of hear him as your eyes focused in on his mouth. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him close to you slotting your lips together.

You felt his hands grip onto you tightly, causing you to moan. You were happy to be out of view from the congregation of angry parents. Suddenly your mind was filled with all the sorts of things you needed from him, things you’d have to find a way to ask for. He broke the kiss as you realized the ride was coming back down. He sat down next to you, and quickly fixed your top and adjusted the pendant on your necklace. You were grateful that his mind was still functioning, you were in shock that people could make each other feel such things. 

Never in your life had you seen people kiss like that, you didn't know that’s what people felt when they looked at each other. Suddenly you wondered how anyone managed to get anything done. Why get out of bed when you could feel like this? 

________________________________________________________________________

“She’s going to be the death of him,” Alfie whispered. 

“If he - fuck - I swear -” Tommy was too upset to form words. 

“I know. He won’t” Alfie answered back and there was an honesty in his eyes that he trusted. 

“I’d destroy you.” Lizzie put her hand on his arm in warning.

“I know.” 

Tommy gave him a curt nod in response. Then they set in on getting the crowd to disperse. 

“RIDE CLOSED BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY BLINDERS” Arthur called out firing his gun in the air. It wasn't what Tommy would have done, drawing even more attention to the messy situation but once that pink car was down he was grateful everyone had fucked off. 

He assessed the situation carefully, his daughter looked fine, flushed, but okay. His arm was around her and that seemed to be where her focus was. The boy had an impressive red hand, hanging off of her shoulder. 

Once the door was open, he knew exactly who this Roger was, and his father was going to - 

“Drive by tomorrow morning at the paper shop?” Alfie said reading his mind. 

“Bit extreme isn't it? Surely we should go for something more personal?” Lizzie said casually. 

“I’ll call you later,” Tommy answered. He didn’t have to speak or move. She spoke to the boy with a look of affection and then ran to his side immediately. A look of apology was written on her face. 

“We’ll deal with this,” Alfie told him, before giving Noah a look of pride. He would thank him for it later. He put his arm around her and the family all moved out in a unit piling into black cars. 

__________________________________________________

Everyone had gone home, except Polly insisted on staying over. In some ways, you were grateful as your parents were in the study arguing. There was a knock at the door and Polly poked her head in. 

“Oh what’s that face for, got a boy who’s willing to fight for ya.” She gave you a soft smile.

“I feel terrible. I don’t know if he will forgive me.” Tears started to pool in your eyes.

“Noah? Hardly your fault -” 

“Dad.” You corrected her. He couldn't even look at you, the car ride home was spent in silence. He’d shut himself into the study as soon as he got home. After Lizzie knew you were alright she went in after him and they’d been shouting since. Polly snorted.

“Don’t ever worry about Thomas. He worries about himself.” Polly said with an edge to her voice you didn’t like. You watched her face as she thought about it for a moment. “He loves us all the best way he knows how. He’s done things - that none of us should have forgiven him for. But we do because we are family. The same kindness will be shown to you.” She lit a cigarette as if it would chase the unwanted feelings away. “Not that you fucked up at all. You chose to not cause a public scene thinking he would probably just try to chat you up. But that’s the problem with these boys. They think the whole world is being handed to them from their fathers, so they can take as they please.” 

You thought about what she was saying, hoping that it didn’t apply to Noah. 

“Can I bring him over for tea? I want someone to meet him.” You wanted some advice or approval. Bringing him to Polly would be the least stressful, but if Lizzie found out she’d be hurt, Esme would also be pissed. You sighed. 

“Think he’s got you beat love.” You followed where her eyes were focused and saw him climbing up over the balcony railing fighting with the flowing green vines. 

“I’ll leave you two alone then.” She winked at you with a smile. “I’ll try to keep an eye out for your dad” She got up and left you making you feel a whole wave of nerves. You went over to the glass door and opened it. 

“Shit did your aunt see me?” 

“Yeah, she knows. Said she’d give us a bit of space.” You hoped that he wasn’t going to hurt you, that conversation with Polly was definitely unfinished, but she wouldn’t have left you with him if she wasn’t sure that it was alright. 

“Will you be in trouble?” He brushed the foliage off of his clothes giving you a look of concern that erased all of your worries. 

“She said she’d keep an eye for dad.” You shrugged and smiled at him. 

You motioned for him to come in and watched as he looked over your room. Its structure was fit for a princess but it was covered in pictures and postcards from family members as they traveled. Scarves and charms hung from the ceiling, most of them made at Polly’s house. A large brown stuffed bear beside your pillow that Tommy had gotten you for your first Christmas together, a charm that may include one of his stolen cufflinks, and one of Lizzie’s earrings hug directly above your bed watching over you. Most people said it looked like a jungle, but Polly assured you it was a temple worth being proud of. 

“It’s a bit much but erm” 

“It’s great.” He smile at you, and all you could think about was throwing yourself at him. What would you do after kissing? What had he done before you? Your stomach twisted unsure of what his expectations were of you. 

“I called, before I could get a word in he told me to fuck off, then hung up the phone. Wanted to make sure you were alright after everything.” You blushed in embarrassment and also resisted the urge to laugh. 

“Sorry-” 

“It’s alright.” He stopped you before you could start apologizing. You pulled him down to sit on the bed and the two of you started talking about what happened, how his dad handled it, and what you were going to do about the parents. 

He was very considerate, trying to take on the bulk of the responsibility, always checking in for what you wanted from the situation. The more you talked the more you leaned into him. The more you settled against his shoulder the heavier your eyes got. 

__________________________________________________

Polly listened outside the door, for safety of course. Boys were unpredictable in the sense that they were very predictable. After watching the boys in this family cause unspeakable damage she was going to be sure that boy treated her right. 

Listening to his offer to come over tomorrow morning to talk to Tommy, and offering her every possibility under the sun to make things easier on her. He even suggested taking the whole family out for dinner. She responded kindly saying she’d ask her mother what was best. Then he started asking what she wanted out of a relationship with him. 

Polly’s heart gave a painful twitch, it was entirely too personal a conversation to be listening to, but curiosity kept her glued to the spot. There was an innocence that was only possible from young love, but they were handling it much better than she ever did. Talking about all sorts of things rather than running into trouble and heartbreak. After it got very quiet - she risked poking her head in to see them both passed out. She wished she could get a photo, just to keep stashed away. 

Shutting the door, she moved down the stairs to see if Thomas was done shouting his heart out. Putting her ear against the door she could just make out what they were saying.

“If anything happens to her it’s my fault. It’s always my fault.” His voice was thick with a heavy sadness she didn't think him capable of expressing. 

“Leaving her there would have been a life worse than death, I’ve walked both paths, this one is a million times better,” Lizze assured him quietly. 

“Promise me I haven't ruined her life?” He was just above begging, but not by much. Her heart went out to that little boy that wasn't too much younger than her. Sweeter than ever, determined to be better than his father. Realizations set in about him that took him in a different light. 

“Promise,” Lizzie said softly. Polly remembered the way they used to talk to each other and wondered how a mouthy teenager accomplished what saints couldn't. 

“And what if he knocks her up then?” An edge of panic in his voice confirmed that he was indeed thawed out to something close to the man he was before all the madness.

“He’d be no better than you,” Lizzie responded sharply, and Polly hoped they wouldn't start at it again.

“I’m sorry.” He choked on the words. “For all of it, for John, Grace, for Ruby. All of it was me, and I -” He was cut off and a whole commotion of passionate sounds erupted. 

They were going to seek peace in each other in the best way they knew how. Polly moved back upstairs and settled into her room, keeping the door open for any problems. Pouring herself a whiskey she wondered if ever there would be a man for her. Picking up her book she hoped it would keep her own loneliness at bay. 

She stayed up making sure to wake the two of them up to say goodbye before Tommy woke up. The boy awkwardly apologising and stumbling over his thank yous. After he was out the balcony her attention set in on the girl.

“Thank you.” She said softly.

“Ah, what are Aunties for eh?” She smiled. “Tea or are we having a lie-in?” 

“Tea,” she said brightly. “We have lots to talk about.” 

Going down to the kitchens, Polly was not surprised to find the contents of Tommy’s office in shambles.

“What happened?!” 

Polly only gave her a look and laughed at the disgusted look her face twisted into. “I think it's best we let them sleep in.” 

______________________________________

More might be planned…. Any Ideas?  

Tags List: @kpopgirlbtssvt

[infernalrevenge]

Hey there😊 I was wondering if I could request some headcanons for house dimitrescu s/o coming out as ftm perhaps reader is nervous to tell them afraid that he'll get kicked out and broken up with. I've been in a really bad funk lately and this would help thanks in advance

Hey bro, I feel you on this one. I hope this helps lifts your spirits in some way, this funk will pass and you'll be groovy once again :P

(CW transphobia in the form of non-acceptance but just as the reader's fears. Spoiler alert: They never materialize hehe.)

Alcina Dimitrescu

You were quite nervous to approach Alcina about this, as much as anyone would be about something this personal.

She always projected this image of an old-fashioned matron, whether she knew it or not. You knew she loved you, but it was still hard to shake the possibility of her not understanding.

You were prepared for the best case scenario to at least be some confusion on her part, and focused on that instead (and not the possibility that she would deem you disgusting and make you leave her presence at once.)

You steeled your nerves and knocked on the door of her office, swearing you felt your heart jump when she invited you in.

As soon as you mentioned wanting to talk about something important, she put her things down and had her full attention directed towards you. You weren't sure if that was worse.

With as calm of a tone as you can muster, you came straight out with it.

You hadn't realized you were looking at the floor the whole time, too afraid to look up and see her live reaction.

However, you didn't really have to wait long for a reply as she leaned down and tipped your chin up to her.

The disdain you feared would be on her face was completely absent, instead her expression was soft and loving. It made your heart skip in a different way than earlier.

"Thank you for telling me this, my love. That must've taken a lot of courage to say. Just know that what I feel for you has not changed -- I love you for the man you have always been, and always will be."

Bela Dimitrescu

Your relationship with Bela was all about "comfortable existence" -- you two count reading different books in the same room as doing something together.

The news you wanted to share with her, however, wasn't something you're sure would fit the "comfortable" atmosphere you two fostered over time.

You didn't want to ruin anything by coming out, but at the same time you knew you couldn't keep it from her forever. You wanted to be yourself around her, and telling her would be the first step to that reality. You just hoped she would understand, or at the very least was willing to understand.

When the time came, the two of you sat back to back while you did your own thing -- you were writing something, and she was drawing.

What she didn't know was that you were basically preparing a whole letter to come out to her and explain your situation as best as you can.

At this point, your parchment was full of crossed out lines and blotches of ink where your pen idled for too long -- you wondered if she noticed the pile of crumpled rejects on the other side of you too.

After a while, Bela was just about to turn around and ask you if something was wrong, she could feel how tense you were against her. But then, you slipped the paper to her and had her read it.

All the while, you had your back turned, knees tucked to your chest as you wished a black hole would swallow you up the longer the silence dragged on. You really wished you had telepathy or something right now, because you couldn't tell what she was thinking.

But all she did was take her place next to you, taking your hand and resting her head on your shoulder. Physical affection was rare from Bela, so this might even be enough of a confirmation of her reaction.

"I still love you, you know? If this is who you are and what makes you happy, then I'm more than okay with it. Thank you for trusting me with this."

Cassandra Dimitrescu

You and Cassandra talk about anything and everything under the sun. She's always been the type to speak her mind, especially when she gets excited.

You felt comfortable discussing anything, but this... well, you didn't really know how to get into it.

You wanted to tell her, of course. You just never found the right opportunity to (possibly because Cassandra led the conversation most of the time.)

But you knew you couldn't avoid this forever, not if you wanted to be with Cassandra for as long as you could. A part of you nagged at the fear that this would be cut short if you did say it, though.

You decided it was best to just be out with it before you could lose your nerve. After spending the night pondering over it, she barely even got to greet you before the words "I'm trans!" came tumbling out of your mouth.

"Uh... what?" (Was that a confused 'what' or an angry 'what'?)

"I'm... transgender...?"

"Oh okay. That's nice, good for you."

"You don't know what that is, do you, Cass?"

".......not exactly."

After some explaining and a crash course on terminology, you get a gentle nudge on your arm as a response -- her way of saying it was more than okay.

And that she wished you weren't so scared of telling her, but even you had to explain that, perhaps if you had any past experiences of coming out situations gone very wrong. She would seethe in anger on your behalf if you told her those stories.

If no one else were around at the time, she would definitely kiss you, just to assure you of how much her feelings for you remained the same. She didn't want any of your worries or insecurities from before this moment to stay in your mind, and she would do anything to make them melt away.

"You didn't have to be scared of telling me, but I'm glad you did. Tell me, not be scared of me. Guess from now on, you can be my handsome little man-thing, huh?"

Daniela Dimitrescu

Daniela is easily the most carefree (and oftentimes, careless) among her sisters. She also doesn't take a lot of things too seriously.

As a consequence though, you feared that it meant she wouldn't know how to handle the news. What if she didn't get it and would be weirded out by you?

Daniela wasn't dumb, you knew that, but you were still prepared to explain things if needed. She had always been curious so you weren't afraid to answer any questions she might have. You wished she would have some tact about them though.

She often drags you into mischief and a lot of the time you would relent, but the one time you stopped her first and mentioned needing to tell her something important, she was the one who tensed up.

Was she in trouble? Did you realize you stopped loving her all of a sudden? Were you going to die?! (She's a bit of a worrier when the words "we need to talk" come out of anyone's mouth.)

You were silent for a little too long and she starts to tear up, her worries getting the better of her before you stepped up to give her a hug. This already wasn't going how you planned.

After you managed to calm her down, you decided it was best to just spit it out already.

Fortunately, the revelation didn't hang in the air for too long. Daniela responded almost unexpectedly.

"Oh... wait, is it male to female, female to male, or something else?"

"Uh, female to male. So I'm a man. A trans man."

"Oh cool!" She takes your hands. "You got a new name picked out? If you're taking suggestions, I think--"

Wait what?

Turned out, she was pretty aware of what being trans meant and had read up on it in books before. She didn't just read for entertainment, she retained other information too.

Still, you couldn't help the sigh (and maybe a quiet sob) of relief when she pulled you close for another hug, this time in celebration of you and living your truth.

"Of course everything's okay, babe! You're still the same wonderful human I fell in love with. I always know how to pick the cute ones."

[bemylord]

truth or dare

peirings: kuroo x fem!reader x kenma.

warnings: smut, aged up, oral, gagging, threesome, nipples play, overstimulating, hint of poly relationship.

w/c: 1.9k

kuroo and kenma are your closest friends - both of them would help you out anytime or talk to your whenever you want it. both of them are happy to spend their evenings with you: they're needed for your relaxing body massage you once give them or you both prefer to watch anime. sometimes, you do the homework - the time where's kuroo yelling at you and kenma for being bad at the subject. although, if you're getting good grades at school, he still mad - you aren't good at his point. after studying, both of you would play a video game. now, kenma is the best player among you.

'how is that possible you don't know how to play? gosh, i'll show only once, i won't teach you forever, nerds'

quiet notes from kenma to you on how to win kuroo.

generally, they both are funny and good friends. one call to kuroo or kenma and he'll be around you, comforting his friend.

'till the moment kuroo propose to play a game, named truth or dare.

'it'd be fun, what do you think, y/n-chan?'

'i'm in!'

the thought it'd cheerfully and you'll have merrily game didn't last long. it was fun to a certain point in the game.

'truth or dare, kenma-kun?' asked vivaciously kuroo. he has been joining since he came up with

'truth'

'are you in love with someone?'

kenma is speechless, his eyes widened as he heard the question. he gulped, closing his eyes.

'seriously, in love?' kenma responded with a question, crossing arms on the chest, staring at his friend like he told a lewd thing.

'i mean that, give us an answer!'

'yes, i am' you covered your mouth with a hand, gazing at the blond one. the game started and you found out an interesting thing about kozume.

'who are they? do we know them?' you inquired, putting your hand on kenma's shoulder, rubbing it a cheerful way. kinda, you glad that your friend settled down by found a girl with whom he wants to be. although, why is he keeping it aside from you? aren't you friends with him?

'it's the second question, now i'm running. y/n-chan, truth or dare?'

'how rude you're, truth'

'the same question. do you love someone?'

you exhaled, musing about the question. the warm feeling born in your chest when you're with boys. you've never caught yourself at the thought you're in love with them. you love them as friends, maybe something more, but you aren't in love. it must be a wrong feeling.

'i don't know. it's just complicated, i've got feelings for.. for someone, but don't think i'm in love'

'are you hiding some information apart from me?' kuroo indignantly screamed, pointing at you. he moaned lingering, twisted his tongue, not looking at you. 'being in love it's awesome, why you both didn't tell me early, i-i' he interrupted himself, reflecting on the phrase he said.

'kuroo-san, truth or dare?'

'dare'

you're smiling sinisterly, rubbing your hands, guessing over the dare. it would humorously tell him to do something easy, so you're kept thinking about it whilst found acceptable dare.

'do a striptease for us'

it's entertaining to watch as his emotions changing from calm to frowning, in the eyes new emotion - mingled astonishment and stupefaction. knockout dare took him off guard - he didn't expect you would dare an obscene action like a strip.

'you will regret about it, y/n'

those eyes that expressed stupefaction transformed to the lustful and lascivious. there is no fear of unknowing what you'll dare next, there's lust and dissolute.

kuroo took his shirt off, exposing a pumped-up body - he has those fucking six-pack, not like a bodybuilder, but damn, his upper body literally saying: fuck me. he's coming closer to you with small steps, playing with his chest and abs using hands. you didn't notice how fast kuroo he put his knees between your legs, running his fingers on your shoulders to the neck, squeezing your narrow neck, pulling his face in your ear.

'you liked it, y/n, like my strip-' he did a little pause, licking your ear. the goosebumps are running over your body, as long as you're trying to avoid the familiar feeling. you closed your eyes, attempting his body. 'tease'

he moved away from you, back at his previous position, staring at kenma. his mand is hazy of the action kuroo did: was it real or he was guided by the dare. crafty type.

'kenma, truth or dare?' he's acting like it was nothing, like he didn't tease by half-muttering in your ear, which gave you goosebumps, and your breath was taken away. for credibility, he licked your earlobe, isn't it enough?

'since the game is getting hotter, dare, kuroo'

'show us the person you're in love with'

isn't the game hotter than a sun? on that point, is getting closer to that temperature. kenma stood up, staring at his teammate - some line is connecting them, binding them as some rivals for your attention. kenma sat behind you, put hands on your shoulders, breathed out on the back of your neck, make your knees go weak. 'she's sitting in front of you'

goosebumps are running over your body, breath stuck in your throat as kenma touched your shoulder with his warm palm, rubbing your skin gently. you exhaled, as kenma lingering on your neck, raises the chin up, blowing in your left ear, kissing it concurrently.

'and i'm kissing her'

you opened your mouth, not trying to resist, moisten chapped lips erstwhile were humidified due to the lip gloss. not trying to resist, when kuroo put your small hand on his six-pack; your hands are running over lumpy muscles whilst the blond one licking your collarbone. suddenly, you felt his hands under the shirt, denuding your breast to kuroo. you were up to close your legs, but the hand of the guy in front of you didn't allow it.

'you're so concupiscent, y/n. let us do the thing, baby girl. we'll treat you as your queen, your little girl' uttered kuroo, approaching his face on your nipple. 'can i?'

there must an answer, although everything you could do muttering indistinctly, feeling the unknowing sense down there. so marvelous, voluptuous, and vulnerable it is. kuroo barely touched your nipple with the tip as kenma slipped a hand into your shorts. you lay the back on kenma's chest, unconsciously spreading legs apart. outlining yet hard areola, kuroo lick it, biting just lightly the nipple. he has been enjoying it even more than you, receiving from two boys delight.

kenma pull aside your shorts, discovered you aren't wearing the panties. he snorted, rubbing an index finger on your folds. what could be more pleasant than this moment? the captain of a nekoma team is licking your nipples whilst the setter is playing with your pussy. you're lost in his caress: it seems there's no more air, no more feelings besides lust and desire.

kuroo pulls away from you, unzip his pants: a thick dick dropped in front of your face, covered in veins, the head is red from the pressure of your tiny body. the precum appears on the glans as you touched the hot cock, stroking with a hand from the tip 'till your little finger touches the pubis. you smear the drop of his semen with a tongue, lick the head, pull inside the wet mouth.

'you haven't seen something big as my cock, sweetie?' he giggled, thrust more in your warm, little mouth. you're sandwiched between two hot bodies, receiving and giving oral sex. abruptly, kenma make a fist of your hair, nudging your head deeper on kuroo's cock 'till your nose meets with the skin. you chocked, not having time for rest, in addition, kenma's abrupt push makes you gag even more. kenma entering his finger inside your tight pussy, still nudging you.

'get on the bed, baby' kuroo hoisted you up. somehow, you managed to stand on your fours, letting kuroo eating you out, giving kenma your face to fuck. maybe it's their smells, such as aphrodisiac; not paying attention to the pain in your throat due to their fat cocks, you're sucking blond's member whilst kuroo greedily licking out you, preparing for the cock. it seems it has been an eternity since you've been doing it, whereas it doesn't take longer than a quarter of the time.

'don't worry, sweetie, i'll be gentle, just relax'

you're practically been dripping under his face, yet when you felt the gland at the entrance you knew it won't be easy: kuroo won't stop till he goes into you entirely. you're getting lost as many times you came on the captain's tongue, perhaps two or three, nevertheless it hurts when he's attempting to pull his cock in. with a certain slosh kuroo went in your cunt deep, but slow, stopping his movements, giving you a couple of second to get used to the new feeling. new orgasm is building up as soon as kuroo asked you with a husky voice about your well-being.

'are you okay? i could pull it out if you're-'

'move, kuroo. you can'

tremendously soft and big concurrently, but his smug grin appears as he heard your order: it's maddening him to be inside you. gradually, the captain starts to increase the pace, as his balls slapping against your cunt.

kenma is blissful as never: he could only think about the godlike blowjob like this one. your tongue is running from the tip to the balls, gagging by it. tears start to fall down on your cheeks, leaving the wet trace, though you aren't stopping: you're a masochist if you're relishing something like that. you would answer: yes, i am, but your mouth is full by kenma's dick.

'i will cum in your mouth, can i, kitten?'

kenma is breathing heavily, scarcely would last longer, as you feel as his cock is twitching and getting hotter. you switched your mouth on his glans, sucking and stroking the base, helping to reach the high.

'me too, y/n, get ready for mine semen in your mouth too'

so fucking full of sperm you'll be in a few seconds. kuroo pulls his dick out, get out of bed, coming to the edge. using your hands, you're stroking theirs cocks waiting for the cum in your mouth to taste it. both of them came simultaneously, giving you their hot semen. feeling as your cunt twitching from the big dick, swallowing their semen.

how did it turn on? what happened? you didn't know exactly, you're happy that now you're cuddling and smooching your boys, exhausted from your first time. kuroo tenderly kissing the back of your neck, burying his face into your hair, pulling closer by your waist. kenma covers your face with quick but affectional kisses, interlacing your fingers.

you're happy and lucky cuddling with boys with the guys you love. but they love you even more.

'sleep kitten, we will be here when you open your eyes'

'stop talking she's sleeping!'

'don't scream she may wake up'

'and stop being so sweet i love her more than you do'

'no, i-'

you giggled, falling asleep to their quiet muttering of 'who loves you more'

//~~//

:3 i don't know, but i was listening to this playlist it gives some vibes lol. and sorry abt last words, i had a fit of tenderness :)

[tsukki-bear]

𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚

シ 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘹 𝘧𝘵𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

⚠︎︎𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘢, 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘬𝘪 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺/𝘯

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 1.2𝘬

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 @mexicanmartian

"hey! tsukki!" yamaguchi called, running to catch up with his best friend, "you know y/n that sits in the back of the class? well, we started talking today and he's really cool! i invited him to sit with us at lunch."

"who?" tsukishima asked, not recognizing the name.

"l/n. y/n l/n." yamaguchi replied, "he sits in the very back. he's really shy but once you get to know him he's great!"

tsukki searched his brain for any memory of the boy that yamaguchi was talking about. then it hit him, tadashi was talking about the cute boy in the back that never talked and always had his head down unless he was copying something from the board. tsukki smiled softly to himself as he listened to his green haired friend's rant about y/n's interests. maybe this y/n wouldn't be so bad to be friends with.

once they made it to the lunchroom, tsukki and yamaguchi sat in their usual seats. before long, the boy that tadashi had been telling tsukishima so much about was hesitantly walking towards them. he sat in front of the two boys, waving shyly. tsukki felt his heart leap softly, but immediately shook it off. he never was great at dealing with emotions.

"hey, y/n! this is tsukki! he's my best friend. he's mean sometimes but don't take it personally. he's like that to everyone." yamaguchi smiled.

"i'm not mean. you're just dumb." tsukishima replied nonchalantly.

"see?" the freckled boy gestured to his friend, making y/n giggle.

a couple of months passed and the three boys were practically inseparable. both tsukki and tadashi had helped y/n gain a lot of confidence. he had become almost as snarky as his tall blonde friend. everytime tsukki said something mean to him, y/n always had an amazing comeback up his sleeve. tsukishima had fun playing with him. he made it a lot more entertaining than yamaguchi.

"hey, pipsqueak, where are you going?" tsukki asked as they walked out of their classroom together.

"shouldn't you know my schedule by now, dumbass? i'm going to math." y/n playfully rolled his eyes, earning a light shove.

"i gotta go to the bathroom. see ya later, bitch." tsukki patted y/n's head, messing up his hair.

"cunt." y/n said quietly, smiling as he walked to his locker.

the boy had had a crush on kei since he first saw him. he was just so cool and confident, not to mention cute. y/n was just too shy to tell him. besides, tsukki never showed any interest in him beyond friends. y/n hated how his heart fluttered when they were together.

"hey, (dead name)." an unfamiliar voice spoke from behind y/n as he gathered his books.

turning around, he was met with two boys from his english class that he had never even spoken too. how did they find out? y/n transfered schools so that no one would know. how did they possibly find out?

"huh?" y/n tried to reply in a natural confused voice.

"we found out all about your little secret. lots of your old friends have loose lips." one of them said.

"what's your point?" y/n's voice was getting shakier.

tsukishima had came out of the bathroom and caught a glimpse of the two boys walking over to y/n and decided to listen in. he was confused, but waiting for y/n to defend himself just like he always does.

"my point is, you'll never be a real man. you're a girl and you can't change that." the other boy added.

y/n felt tears flood his eyes, trying his hardest to fight them away he answered them, "cant you just leave me alone?"

the two spoke some more but y/n didn't hear what they were saying. he was in disbelief that they had found out and trying to fight away his tears. tsukishima saw that his friend wasn't defending himself and the tears that were welling up had started to fall down his cheeks. the blonde boy felt his blood boil all of a sudden and he needed to protect y/n. stomping over to the three with a menacing look, the bullies backed away.

"leave him alone, you asshats." tsukki said angrily, yet calmly.

that was all it took for the boys to scramble away. y/n tried to wipe his tears away so that tsukki wouldn't see them, but he couldn't keep them from falling again. tsukki sighed and shoved both of their books in y/n's locker before taking his hand. he pulled the boy behind him, taking him to the volleyball club room.

"tsukki, we can't just skip class. i'm fine. besides, i'm not supposed to be in here." y/n protested as tsukki closed the door.

"you're not okay, y/n. you're still crying. i've never seen you like that. you always have a snarky comeback. what were they talking about anyways? what did they mean you'll always be a girl?" tsukki asked curiously.

"i'm trans, tsukki. i might as well tell you know since apparently everyone seems to fucking know. i switched schools for this exact reason and yet it somehow still caught up with me." y/n paced back and forth as he ranted.

tsukki stopped y/n by pulling him into a hug. he was caught off guard by the sudden affection but being in kei's arms made all of his worries fade away. tsukki felt as if his heart was melting as his friend clung onto him, crying into his shirt. he had pushed away his emotions for so long but he didn't think he could push them away anymore.

"don't listen to anything they have to say. you're more of a man then they'll ever be. you're such an amazing, funny, smart, handsome boy and i love you, y/n. i want you to be my handsome boy." tsukishima said before he even had time to think.

y/n looked up at him with teary eyes, "really?"

"yes, y/n. now say you'll be mine before i die of embarrassment." he replied, fighting the urge to kiss y/n right then.

"of course, tsukki! i love yo-" he was cut short by tsukki crashing their lips together.

"shit, i can't believe i forgot my phone in-"

tsukki and y/n separated only to see sugawara standing in the doorway. kei shoved y/n away in a panic, making y/n huff. sugawara chuckled softly and walked in.

"i forgot my phone in here. who's this, tsukki?" the older male asked as he walked over to where his phone was laying.

"uhh, this is y/n." tsukishima answered.

"your boyfriend?" suga questioned.

"yeah..." the blonde said hesitantly.

"nice to meet you, y/n. i'm koushi. i'm really surprised that he managed to get a boyfriend. you mean you actually like him?" the third year joked.

"i'm not sure why, if i'm being honest, but yeah. i do." y/n responded.

"alright, well, have fun kids!" suga waved as he walked out.

tsukki and y/n looked at each other, bursting into laughter. y/n threw himself back into tsukki's arms, wanting to stay there forever. the two swayed back and forth gently as they embraced each other. it would be worth skipping class, even if it meant getting detention.

[mcyt-imagines]

hi hi ! first off, just a tip if you'd like more requests/asks in general you should prob turn on anon since this is like the only time i've sent a non-anon ask. but anyways, i'm assuming requests are open and i'd like to ask if you would write either just ranboo fluff in general or something like the tommy confession headcanons but w ranboo :D what you've posted so far is great <3

Thank you so much for letting me know! I thought I had anon turned on already, but it’s 100% turned on now! Regarding your request I got a little carried away and wrote both some general fluff and some confession headcanons for Ranboo so this post is a little long... Hope you enjoy! :D

(It’s important to note that these headcanons are a combination of ones pertaining to his Minecraft character in the dsmp and him outside of the dsmp roleplay!)

General Ranboo Fluff

- Dreamsmp Ranboo -

The first time Ranboo cries in front of you is when you confess to him and he is so happy and relieved that you reciprocate his feelings. He even smiles through the pain of his tears as you panic to cover the skin beneath his eyes, so your hands catch his tears to stop the pain.

Ranboo likes to ask if you need any resources from time to time and once you finally give in and answer, he spends the rest of his day trying to collect as much of it as he can. This has led to a few incidents in which you came back to your shared indent in the snowy mountain to find a chest stacked full with polished stone and countless ores. You’ve scolded him but the way he responds with big puppy dog eyes wishing to “just be helpful.” Sets the butterflies caged in your chest free every damn time.

Ranboo in addition to asking you for want you want he is also very observant in noticing what you need. Any tools close to breaking? Brilliant, he’s already got three more of the same tools ready for you to grab when you need it. He also names them using the anvil to some silly super cheesy pet names.

One of his favourite things to do with you is stargaze. You both travel to the top of your snowy mountain and clear out a space free of snow to lie down and simply hold each other. Ranboo has started asking Techno (on the nights you are away) to point out the stars and tell him their corresponding stories. He happily relays all of this information to you in exaggerated detail, looking at you in awe as your expressions change with the twinkling lights above.

Ranboo almost always carries a little umbrella around with him in case it begins to rain. Most of his friends notice and all start to buy him some. He now has a full collection that line his wall just next to the door. It’s those small things that allows him to remember who his real friends are.

Ranboo LOVES having his hair played with. He will fall asleep within minutes of you beginning to tousle his hair as he rests his head in your lap. He may make soft enderman noises, but you don’t dare tell him. Content on keeping that little secret to yourself.

Ranboo has to be kinda careful around snow considering that if it melts it will hurt him. Meaning he has to sit out on any snowball fights that occur. And they occur more frequently than you would think. It usually starts with Phil throwing a rogue snowball at Techno when Phil notices him slumping his shoulders. Which means it doesn’t take long until it’s a full-blown war. You usually find yourself smack bang in the middle of it and have to dive down to avoid getting pummelled in the crossfire. Ranboo will call you over to hide behind Techno’s house. As the onslaught continues between the two. you giggle and commentate over the fierce battle together.

- Outside of Dreamsmp Ranboo - 

Ranboo enjoys watching you whenever you are focused on something. He’s incredibly observant and finds himself mimicking the small little nuances he sees you exhibit. He gets incredibly flustered whenever you notice that he’s picked up on them, but he doesn’t bother to deny it.

Ranboo finds himself staring at you a lot. He doesn’t mean to but he can’t help it. You catch him frequently, “Watching me real closely, hm?” He tries to stutter out an answer to defend himself, but you just smile and tell him it’s okay.

Ranboo finds a lot of comfort in doing ‘domestic’ activities with you. However, one of his personal favourites is when the two of you go out to get groceries together. His mum will give him a small list and he’ll try his best to dawdle around the store whilst swinging your intertwined hands to make the visit as long as possible. It makes him think of a future in which the two of you get to do this every single week and that alone warms his heart.

Ranboo always has to be near you, he doesn’t have to be physically touching you but he prefers to just be stupidly close to you. It always makes you laugh when he sits just close enough to you that you don’t touch, so now he has to do it forever.

Your laugh is one of his favourite sounds. To the point that if you giggle or laugh at something, he will just keep doing it over and over again for as long as you keep laughing at it. Which eventually leads to the both of you red-faced and gasping for air.

Ranboo is a terrible cook. But he tries so hard to follow recipes and they always flop. He also for some reason, cannot attempt cooking without making an utter mess of himself. Whether it’s spilling flour all over himself, getting egg yolk splatter somehow in his hair or just spilling copious amounts of milk on the floor so that he slips. This boy is a walking, talking kitchen DISASTER. So now he can only cook with you supervising him. Which turns out, wasn’t as much of a punishment as it should have been. As your tutelage seems to have slightly improved his cooking skills. However, now you also get flour spilt all over you as well.

Ranboo Confession Headcanons

- Realising he likes you - 

Ranboo denies he has feelings for you at first. Believing that you’re just a good friend whose company he really enjoys. But the more he focuses on your friendship the quicker he realises he would prefer if you were more to him than that.

This thought alone sends him into a little bit of a spiral for a few days. Grappling with the thought of rejection and the guilt he would feel if he ever hurt you.

He spends most of the time grappling with his feelings he continues to try and act as normal as possible around you. You finding out would be his worst nightmare.

Ranboo realises he has absolutely no history in the dating department and desperately needs some guidance. He may ask Phil on a whim who would try his best to give the poor panicked boy some words of wisdom. Ranboo takes the advice to heart immediately, promising Phil he will update him on how his feelings for you turn out.

Ranboo finds himself writing about you in one of his many journals. He finds putting words on the page seems to help clear his mind. He tries to script his confession a few times. Desperately floundering to find the right words, but he always seems to fall short. He usually ends up scribbling all over those pages until you can barely tell someone had even written on them. Hoping to somehow erase the thoughts in the process.  

He even tries drawing you a few times when he finds himself with enough spare time. He doesn’t think they’re any good though. Sure, the sketches look like you, but they don’t make him feel the way you do. When he looks at the page his chest doesn’t tighten because of your beauty, but instead because of the way you’ve made him feel. Which he comes to the sad conclusion is something he simply cannot capture in his words or his drawings. He has to show it through his actions. Not exactly his strong suit. But he’s determined to do right by you. So, he devises a plan.

- Confessing to you - 

This boy plans the whole day down to a t, he has multiple back-up plans just in case his first one falls short.

Ranboo invites you over for lunch. Arriving at his place you notice how clean it is. He spent the last few days cleaning it top to bottom.

You spend a few minutes in the house chatting. You notice Ranboo is on edge almost immediately. Shoulders a pinch too tight, his smiles a little too wide and none of them reach his eyes.

You ask what you’re going to be having for lunch and he reveals a wicker basket from his kitchen. “A picnic!” Your heart warms, “I would’ve brought something if you’d told me beforehand.” He smiles at that, “Exactly. I even cooked without you, you should be proud.” 

He shuffles on his feet a little, wishing to be praised, “We’ll see how the food tastes first, maybe then I’ll tell you how proud I am.” You tease, moving to elbow him lightly. You notice the way his face flushes as you move into his space. His mother appears from upstairs, “Are you two leaving? I could drive you, y’know!” “No thanks mom!!” He is quick to grab your hand and practically drag you out of the house and away from his all knowing mom.

The bus ride is on the longer side and you find yourself feeling brave enough to scoot a little closer to Ranboo. “Hey, is it okay if I?” You gesture between your head and his shoulder, the cute, shocked expression he sends you causes you to grin. “Uh s-sure!” 

You softly press your head against his shoulder, “Thanks, pretty comfy shoulder you got here should’ve asked you to share it sooner.” You tease, nuzzling his shoulder lightly just for a reaction. And you get one alright, his skin goes such a lovely shade of red all the way up to the tips of his ears. You giggle softly, trying your best to hold it in and failing miserably.

You even manage to fall asleep despite your own heartbeat quickening at Ranboo’s closeness. You are tapped awake by him, “Hmm?” You rub one of your eyes knowingly appearing adorable and the way he looks at you makes it all worth it. “It’s our stop soon, we gotta get up.” 

You nod and lazily stand and he follows suit. Only for the bus to brake abruptly, promptly shoving you into his chest. He wraps his arms around you quickly to steady you whilst you desperately cling to the wicker basket, “You okay?” You both mumble to each other before laughing it off and nodding. “Oh crap.” Ranboo grabs your free hand and you both scramble to get to the front of the bus to hop off. Sparks fly up your arm at the extended contact, even as you jump off the bus.

Ranboo happily leads you to a spot he had picked out earlier in the month. A soft patch of grass below a large willow tree that now sways softly in the warm breeze. You set up your carefully packaged feast with haste now that your stomachs are grumbling.

Ranboo forcefully tries to make himself relax knowing you’ve probably noticed his tense state by now. But you choose not to push him on it, taking an educated guess on why he’s so stressed.

You are quick to compliment his cooking skills when he divvies out a freshly baked quiche.  Even though you know his mom for sure did most of the work. It’s the thought that counts. You hope that may snap him out of the stupor he seems to be in. However, no such luck.

“Hey Ranboo, do you want to talk about something?” Ranboo goes into full panic mode. He did not have a plan for you asking something like this. He thought you weren’t confrontational!! You watch as his expression changes rapidly. You look away, “You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay. I just thought you might want to-“ 

He takes one of your hands in his. Why is he doing this??? This isn’t part of the plan at all! “I…” His throat goes dry. All those hours obsessing over what he was going to say to you are sent out the window when he finally meets your eyes.

“I think I like you.” He hasn’t realised he’s even said it until its waaaaaay too late. Your eyes widen, you didn’t think he’d actually admit it to you. You squeeze his hand as you watch his eyes seem to lose focus, “I like you too.” He is silent for several long moments until he starts blinking rapidly, “Huh!?” The look of utter surprise on his face causes you to burst out laughing.

“Wait, wait, wait you’re serious?” He grabs your arm as a grin slowly starts to creep onto his face. “Sure am.” And as you meet his gaze you realise that his grin actually reached his eyes, for the first time in a long while. 

“So, you gonna kiss me now or what?” You tease as his face shines a dark red. “W-well I, uh-“ His stuttering only allows for you to sneak closer and press a firm kiss to his cheek. Somehow, he grows even redder and you sigh pleasantly. “My heart definitely made the right choice with you Ranboo.”

Meanwhile Ranboo is too busy freaking out over the fact that you weren’t even meant to find out he liked you until you were stargazing together later tonight. His plans are utterly ruined! But as you squeeze his hand again to bring his thoughts back into the present, he wonders that perhaps spontaneity isn’t such a bad thing sometimes.

~My ask box is always open if you’ve got any requests or just want to vent about the dreamsmp lore!~

[duckugou]

the blood on our hands

bakugou x gn!reader

aged up!

cw: a n g s t as hell. comfort. cursing, mentions of drinking, smoking, etc. alluding to depression and anxiety. dealing with trauma of missions and losing people. a ton of mentions of blood

this is a heavy topic in the hero universe i imagine- and generally in the mental health world of it all.

lyrics are from purple flowers by ande estrella which hold a very important meaning that has nothing to do with this- they just worked with the story. But fr go listen to it bc its so good.

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in! Requests are open!!

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reality is heavy and loud

Spacing out was more than being distracted to Y/n. Being a young hero meant stressful situations, overbearing management, tight spaces, stuffy meetings, and so much... blood. It takes a toll on a young person. Of course they wanted to be a hero- wouldn't chose anything else. They grin and bear this shit for a reason- to save and help people.

But god, who saves the heros?

but white has the privilege of washing machines to wash out the stains from their comfortable jeans

Some nights, after wrap-up meetings, everything was a bit too heavy. The usual group of friends and young heroes would choose someone's house to go to in order to destress.

For some, that was smoking. For some, it was drinking, video games, napping, venting, sitting outside alone yet with company. And for some it was merely listening to everyone else.

Not having to make a decision. Not having to be responsible. That's what y/n picked every time.

Bakugou would always notice them alone in the corner of the room. They were the one to come up with destress gatherings after hard missions. Bakugou knew it was so they wouldn't be alone with their thoughts. That's why he would always step in at times like as get them to talk, so those thoughts dont stay trapped in their head.

"Hey." Bakugou muttered, sitting on the floor next to y/n in Denkis apartment.

"Hey."

"You good, dude?" Bakugou asked with genuine concern.

He was always a bit nicer to Y/n. Nobody knew why, yet everyone knew why. They both were fragile and chose to hide it during the day, being strong around others to not raise red flags.

"I'm okay...just. That one was bad. I almost lost that kid. Like she almost fucking- died in my arms." Y/n choked out.

"Hey hey hey, its okay. You got her to the ambulance in time. You did that shit. You always do. You're the best in the game at comforting little twerps." Bakugou attempted to comfort them- somewhat succeeding and holding their head against his chest.

One time, Y/n mentioned that they held kids against their chest during rescues to calm their heartbeat. "If you listen to a calmer heartbeat, you're more likely to try to match it and slow your own down." Of course you wouldn't think Y/n would be able to have a calm heartbeat during a rescue, but they are very talented at controlling their nerves. Part of being a hero.

wiping the blood off their hands to their thighs, wearing the blood of the people who've died

Y/n subconsciously calmed down a bit, Bakugou's ability to remember every word that drips off of Y/n's lips paying off.

"I know. I just can't stop...thinking about everyone I've- we've lost. Its so unfair."

"I know. Hey, you have- uh. Lets go to the bathroom." Bakugou noticed a smudge of blood on Y/n's face and a bit on their hands. Cleaning up was the last thing on their mind earlier on.

"Ok."

Taking each other's hands, they walked into the bathroom. Bakugou sat Y/n on the counter, turning on the sink and grabbing a cloth.

"O-oh god. Thats fucking blood. I thought I washed my h-hands." Y/n began panicking, causing Bakugou to put their hands under the water with soap, washing it all off for them.

Tears mixed with the water from the sink and Bakugou stayed silent. Wiping their face, Bakugou looked into Y/n's eyes. These two have just always known.

They know what people can hide. What secret messages the body language of a person can hold. And he let them grip onto the back of his shirt as he held them in his arms, Y/n not being able to cry anymore and just breathing in his scent from his shoulder.

but dont let the purple flowers fool you

"Listen. We're going to get through this one. I know its hard on you- all of the families involved. But you- we saved them. We're all here for each other right? I'm here for you." Bakugou pulls Y/n back a little to look into their eyes. "You are the strongest one here. I know it fucking hurts. I know it is so...scary-" He sniffles a little, letting his own emotions take over. Something only he did when they were alone together. "- but we're heroes. And human. We are allowed to feel pain and sadness and disappointment- but we're heroes for a reason, right? We can handle this shit."

"I know we can. We always have. Just... promise you'll never leave me?"

"Youre so stupid. I've been more careful lately." He scoffs, wiping tears from his face. He of course knew that Y/n was referring to a few weeks ago when Bakugou got too caught up in the mission and was almost crushed by debris. He was pulled away in time by a fellow hero but it still opened his eyes, as well as Y/n, to how fragile they are, even if they are the heroes.

"I know Kats, but please. You're my rock in here. You're my person." Y/n says looking into his eyes.

"And you're my person. I can't leave you behind. You wouldn't know what to do without me here." Bakugou chuckles, earning a shove from Y/n.

"Katsuki." Y/n starts, holding his hands in their own.

"Yeah." He sighs.

"I don't speak lightly of feelings, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that. You don't talk much about those to anyone-"

"Except you." They interrupt Bakugou, reminding him of the importance of their unspoken bond and making his heart race.

"Yeah."

"Then you'll know how hard it is for me to say this. But- Katsuki I think I love you. I know we aren't super affectionate outside of being alone but- I've never felt what I feel with you before. I understand if you don't feel the same way and if this was all just because you felt bad but I needed to tell you that because you're really important and this is very import-"

Bakugou, in the most cliche turn of events, cuts Y/n off with a kiss to shut them up.

Pulling away, Bakugou rests his forehead on Y/n's .

"I love you too. I thought that was obvious when I never stopped you from saying my first name, idiot." He chuckles lightly.

"I kinda figured you at least liked me-"

"I'm going to keep you safe forever. That means physically and emotionally. No more hiding any feelings from me just because there are people around. Pull me aside. Hold me if you need or want to- I dont care if the whole world sees that. But just- fuck Y/n. I know you feel fragile. I know what it's like to be scared and hide it. I'm your diary now, ok? Always."

"Thank you...Katsuki. Fuck. You're everything I've ever needed. Plus youre kinda cute too I suppose." Y/n giggles.

"Oi fuck off." Bakugou kisses them again, relieved that he can finally be himself with Y/n, that he has them finally.

"I'm your diary too them, okay? I mean it. Anything, any time, say the word." Y/n says lightly, squeezing Bakugou's hand.

"Fuck. I love you."

"I love you too. I love how that sounds coming from you by the way."

"Me the fuck too-" Bakugou was interrupted by a loud yelling-

"I GOTTA PISSSSSS" followed by banging on the door.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO FAST THEN LIGHT WEIGHT!" Bakugou responds, recognizing the voice of Denki.

"DONT MAKE FUN OF MEEEE I'LL LAUGH AND PEE MYSELF" Denki whined.

"Let's go, angel." Bakugou whispers into Y/n's hair, kissing them on the head and helping them off of the counter.