#and the only prerequisite for taking the course was a course i finished with an almost perfect grade with ease last year

[the---hermit]

Messy desk on a gloomy autumn day

16|10|2023

If you couldn't tell I get to the end of the week and I am too exhausted to even consider writing my daily post. This Saturday in particular was a really heavy day I was deprived of all energies, and to be quite honest I don't feel at my best yet. Other than being sick, last week I worked a lot, and had to wake up even earlier than I usually do, so it was a bad combination of things. I am now starting to feel a bit better but I am not fully recharged of energies. The good things that happened in the weekend were the fact that I found the time to sit down and watch the new episodes of Our Flag Means Death, and I also started a reread of the Something Is Killing The Children graphic novel series. The sixth volume has just came out in Italy, and although I have not found a copy yet I feel like the spooky season is perfect for a reread. Today had a quite stressing start, because I decided to tackle my most anxiety-inducing task: officializing the classes I will take on my uni's website. Of course it went terribly, I had to do the procedure twice, and there are some new techinical problems that will hopefully be resolved quickly. After doing that and emailing a professor I gave up on everything else because I felt like I just had a fight to the death and I barely got out of it alive. Thankfully in the afternoon I had a bit more energies and I managed to finish my first read of the play I am currently studying for my English lit class, so the day was not a complete waste of time.

cozy hobbit autumn activities and productivity:

read first thing in the morning

fought with my uni's website and won (kind of, because I also had to send an email to fix some problems but I dif what I could so I count that as a win)

emailed a professor to get his opinion on whether I could take his class with my unsure prerequisites and not only he answered very quickly, but he was also quite polite and told me that thankfully I can take that class and if I'll need more materials to help me with what we'll be studying he'll recommend me an additional book so that I can take the exam

did a bit of planning on what classes I will be taking this year and what I'll wait to work on next year (it's a very general guideline to help me figure out what I'll be doing with my academic life in the next while)

did a very quick weekly set up in my bullet journal

(finally) updated my reading journal

finished my first read of The Merchant Of Venice

daily Irish practice on duolingo

listened to podcasts to shut my brain off

worked on a series of future posts

📖:The Book Of Lost Things by John Connolly, The Merchant Of Venice by William Shakespeare

[dallasdoesntexist]

dark academic things I love since moving to Edinburgh

I recently moved to Edinburgh to study psychology at the University of Edinburgh. These are some things I like to remind myself of how privileged I am to be able to experience when I'm feeling a bit melancholic

The sun against Arthur's seat in the morning

Feeding the squirrels in George Square garden when you got to the lecture too early

The empty Royal Mile on your way to your 9AM

Mourning the loss of Teviot Row House (may she rest in peace... for two years while she gets renovated)

Watching the sun paint the sky pink and the buildings a deep orange as it sets, cup of hot earl grey tea, laptop open, notebooks everywhere, LED candles flickering around the room.

Tutorials where people take things as seriously as you do

Walking around Greyfriars Kirkyard on a crisp autumn evening, sipping chai from a local coffee house

Sharing biscuits with the crows in Holyrood park

Disgracing the architecture of the Holyrood Parliament building -- much preferring St Andrew's House -- but also just disgracing the Parliament as a whole

Not feeling like you're trying too hard; everyone's trying harder than you

Meeting a bunch of Oxbridge rejects. Being thankful you didn't apply (and thus avoided that embarrassment...)

Buying dried herbs from the herbalist across the street from the university to make your own tea blends

Quoting Shakespeare; someone finishes the quote for you

Pondering your own mortality in the many museums across the city (especially the Surgeon's Hall museum...)

Feeling validated when someone mentions they're on their third coffee of the day and it's only 12PM

getting the bus from Old Town to New Town, being able to look out across the North Sea. Mentally conjuring up Siren's songs

Venturing out to Leith for the Witchcraft Market once a month

Pinning handouts of poetry to your pin board in your room. Saves you spending money to print off your own

the Law library

Taking a French class, because Greek clashed with your main course and Latin had prerequisites. Studying all 3 on your own out of spite

Being taught in the Anatomy Lecture Theatre, where Burke and Hare delivered bodies to

It's normal to wear a suit and tie every day; it's also normal to wear a hoodie and jeans if you woke up too late from studying all night

Cringing when someone compares the city to Harry Potter. Then softening as you realise they're just noticing the same magic that you noticed, too, only articulating it differently

Watching the trees turn red and scatter their leaves across the pavement before they're carried away by the wind. being reminded once again of your own approaching doom

Going to the Frankenstein bar, zoning out of the conversation and watching the black&white film that plays on loop. Then talking at the person next to you about the inaccuracy, using quotes from the novel to back up your argument

Bonus points if they agree

Everyone freaking out about deadlines in a few weeks' time; knowing you'll be fine, because you developed your study methods in school

The Christmas market coming up

Farmers' markets on the weekends

Beltane Fire Society, and the upcoming Samhuinn festival in the pitch black of Holyrood park

Imagining the horses and their carriages trotting along the cobblestone roads

Fantasising about moving to Dean's village; knowing you'll have to settle for Stockbridge

Or wanting to move to Murrayfield, but not wanting to be too far from the university

Vanilla room spray. Fresh black coffee. Biscuits to dip into it

Being the one people go to for answers, but only helping them if they're genuinely stuck and want to learn

Cashmere scarf, tweed coat, saddle bag -- copious amounts of compliments on your outfit choice

Watching the bats flutter past your window

Not being able to go into the castle, lest you fail all your exams!

Buying a hefty coat from Armstrong & Son's vintage emporium

Double doors built so small, you have to open both in order to get through. Then feeling like a villain as the heavy wood slams behind you

Dimly lit, dark wooden hallways

Free coffee, if you know where to look

Taking a nap in the library between lectures. No weird stares

Being able to spot the people you know have definitely read The Secret History, or The Song of Achilles, or The Picture of Dorian Gray

Avoiding the touristy areas, but finding places just as good

[harunovella]

embers of a fire ; c.k.

synopsis: you loathed him, you despised him... and you couldn't even truly understand as to why. it was superficial, overly judgmental of you to hate choso kamo... however, a class project forces you to spend time with him. little did you know, the man you couldn't swallow, would be the one man you'd never want to leave your side.

cw: fem!reader, snobbish/holier-than-thou!reader (but she gets better okay!), emo skater boi!choso, college au, enemies (?) to lovers, reader's parents are the source of her bitchiness/aka terrible parents, big bro!choso/lil bro!yuji, kissing, slight angst, love confessions, smut (good ol oral w fem receiving, fingering, no condom...), srry if I miss any! MDNI!

wc: 16k+

an: thank you for 100+ followers! I forgot to announce it when I posted my reiner fic a few weeks ago.... but anyway! okay this is super long and I was considering breaking into two parts but yall are real champs and can def read 16k words lmfao (if not, just yknow like it and finish reading it later). i've got the hots for most of the jjk men and I am OBSESSED with emo goth boy!choso so here you go! title inspo comes from this PHENOMENAL song! enjoy xo

How does one make the most popular and loved girl on campus turn her bright-white, toothy smile upside down into a grimace of pure malice? Pair her up with the loner, emo, goth boy of course!

It was your sophomore year of college which meant getting rid of the same ol' prerequisites everyone and their mother must take during their undergrad. You flew by those classes with phenomenal grades, best of the best, one of the top of your class—and that was a ton of students to compare yourself to. After all, you came from a legacy, a bloodline who (all before you) attended the same university. Hell, there was a hall named after your clan. You were that person. Everyone wanted you or to be you. And you held your head high with the upmost confidence knowing this.

Except there was that one guy... the only person who knew how to get on every single one of your nerves, under your smooth and well maintained skin—Choso Kamo. If anyone else were watching from the outside in, they'd say the man did nothing wrong other than exist and breathe the same air as you, but somehow that irked you.

Everything about him irked you.

From the baggy, dark clothes he wore—shirts two sizes too big and jeans so loose with tears you weren't sure if he did them himself or if it was the style—to the dumb tape (tattoo? you weren't sure) across his nose. The endless amounts of piercings on his ears, septum, and (yes, you somehow managed to notice) his tongue. The god awful tattoos that peeked out from the loose sleeves of his tees when he wasn't wearing a jacket... to the chipped black nail polish on his fingernails and the many odd hairdos he did with his long hair.

Yeah, everything about him rubbed you the wrong way. Especially when he felt the need to skateboard everywhere he went on campus and nearly crashing into you multiple times.

It didn't help that he hung out with two other wackos—one being a pot head who had crackhead energy and the other always wearing the creepiest of grins and smirks as if he were plotting murders in his head.

God, Choso gave you the worst vibes. Of course he'd be assigned to work with you on a project for your Intro to Psychology class. It was a whole get to know someone better assignment that felt so kindergarten. Writing up a report relating to the lessons learned while also becoming friends with someone you didn't know? Hell, that was not going to be you.

You squirmed in your seat at the announcement, rubbing your forehead and sighing. Almost begging Professor Yaga to switch you with anyone... absolutely anyone.

"Don't worry so much," Utahime said as she poked your arm gently.

"I don't get why you're so bothered by his existence," Yuki laughed from behind you, tugging at your hair that sat almost perfectly down your back. "He's kinda hot with that emo vibe he gives off."

"Oh, god," Mei Mei rolled her eyes as she sat on the opposite side of you. "You have such poor taste in men. Bet he has no money."

"Mei Mei," Utahime sighed. "I can switch with you, I've got that knucklehead Satoru as my partner," she nudged her head back in the direction of where the man sat—nearly surrounded by girls fawning over him not so discreetly in the middle of a lecture. You looked over and scrunched up your nose. Wasn't like you had anything against him, actually, he was pretty intelligent and was at your level... he just was a bit too chaotic and always had a flock of girls following him around. It was quite annoying.

"It's fine," you huffed, nearly sinking into your seat before you straightened your back. "Yaga wouldn't allow it anyway. He's stubborn. I'll just... have to... get through it."

"Atta girl," Yuki patted your head as she leaned her chin on her other hand. "And while you're at it, give me his number. I'll gladly snatch him out of your hands once it's all over."

"Doubt I'll be getting anything out of him besides what's needed for the project," you shook your head as you shut your eyes, momentarily meditating to embrace what was to come. Opening your eyes and peeking over your shoulder to spot the man you were paired with, perched in the corner of the auditorium with his focus elsewhere, you cringed. He looked unbothered, completely uninterested and deadpan. He was slouched back in his seat, pen bobbing in between his fingers as his other arm draped over the empty seat beside him. It was then you noticed one of the two delinquents he hung out with was missing, leaving him alone with a talkative Mahito that had been bothering some poor kid beside him about god knows what. Just as you were about to look away, Choso's eyes shifted to meet yours, expression still barren, earning an eye roll from you before you turned your focus back ahead.

"Remember, this will count as 50% of your grade as the remaining 50% depends on how well you do on your exams and attendance. Don't miss class like a certain Getō did," Yaga spoke up. "Class dismissed."

"You know what I want to know?" Yuki started as your group of friends began gathering their things. "Why is it that Suguru and Mahito thought it was a good idea to get stitches as tattoos? Maybe that's what Choso is hiding under the nose tape."

"I thought they drew it on themselves?" Utahime furrowed her eyebrows.

"From what I've heard, they both lost a bet to Choso and had to get those god awful tattoos," Mei Mei spoke as she brushed some of her hair over her shoulder.

You, however, were in your own world. Their conversation went in one ear and out the other as you constantly found yourself stealing glimpses of Choso, annoyance clear in your expression. Anyone but him, really... Why did you have to be paired with him? You probably would've taken Suguru instead if he hadn't skipped. He used to be somewhat normal from what you remember. Back when he was best friends with Shoko and Satoru. You weren't sure what happened there but, to be fair, you didn't care much. Satoru was in his own world, enjoying the constant ego boosts and Shoko hung out with the medical students. You supposed they all went their separate ways.

Just as you were deep in thought, not realizing where you were staring or what you were doing, a masculine, monotone voice startled you. "If you're so intrigued, just take a picture of me."

Blinking a few times before gasping, you looked over to see Choso had been a few steps higher than you, leaning in to speak before walking past you with an indifferent expression on his face. As if he didn't just insult you, making you seem like you were interested in him. "As if!" You huffed, earning a few looks from your girlfriends. "It'd break my poor camera."

"Good one!" A sudden laugh made you jump again in your spot as Mahito patted your head before following Choso.

Swatting him away before running your fingers through your hair, you glared at the two who walked across the auditorium, towards the exit. "Jerks..." you mumbled before snatching your bag and lifting up your chin.

"They really get under your skin, huh?" Yuki pointed out.

"They're beneath me, that's all." With a wave of your hand and a flip your hair, you held yourself high and mighty before exiting the class. Yeah, you were prissy and a bit obnoxious but, hey, that's what everyone loved about you. And their opinions mattered the most... right?

Choso never understood your hatred towards him. Actually, he didn't seem to care. Plenty of people hated him for whatever pathetic, judgmental reasons—and you probably the same—but there was something different about you. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but it definitely felt like you were hiding something from him. From everyone.

In all honesty, you had him intrigued. What was it about you that was sounding sirens in his head? You dressed like you were trying to be Elle Woods, in pinks and pastels. You did your hair so neat and perfect—nothing like his chaotic nest. You always held your head high, wore this sweet perfume that was near nauseating. You drove a car he definitely couldn't afford. He was sure you were a spoiled brat of some rich entrepreneur—but he couldn't say you didn't deserve your class spot. Truly, you were intelligent; bright in all ways possible. That, he'd give you credit for. However, your personality? That way of being, so prim and posh? Something wasn't right. As if you were forced to be this way with all the eyes on you.

And maybe that's why he was so "excited" to be your partner for this assignment. He was going to figure it out, what it was that was hidden behind the makeup and hair pins, amongst those designer outfits and manicured nails. Who you truly were, deep inside.

It also didn't help that one day when he was skateboarding around campus to get from point A to point B, he so happened to pass by your car where you were sort of blasting nu metal from an artist he vaguely recognized. All alone, singing—practically screaming—in a secluded parking lot where you believed no one would see you.

Yeah, you definitely were hiding something from everyone. 

Choso departed from Mahito after telling him he was going to stay behind to plan meet ups with you—which, in turn, got some vulgar remark from Mahito. The man with a twisted grin saying how you really needed a good lay and that he hoped Choso would be that. Choso, who was very used to Mahito's unfiltered mouth, didn't even bat an eyelash, just dismissed his friend and leaned against a wall.

"Mei Mei and I gotta split, we have to meet up with Shoko," Utahime spoke as you and your group piled out of the auditorium.

"And I've gotta go tutor Todo!" Yuki waved as she turned the opposite way, leaving you on your own. You didn't mind, wasn't like you didn't have a friend—or at least an acquaintance—in every corner. Actually, you were more than likely going to call up Kiyotaka to see if he wanted to meet you in the library for your weekly study sessions as you both were taking an economics class.

However, that thought went out the door when your focus landed on your beloved goth. In all his emo glory, leaning against a wall with one door propped up against it, you couldn't help but eye him from head to toe. Now that he was standing, you could truly see how big his shirt was on him and how much he really loved the color black. You were amazed he wasn't wearing black lipstick to top it all off. Maybe that was crossing the line for him. Who knows.

Realizing you were staring for much too long—and probably blocking the doorway—you sighed and approached him. "Let's get this over with."

Lifting his eyes from his phone as he scrolled through his socials, meeting your own—disinterested—pair, Choso stood straight with a huff before speaking, "it won't take us one hour to complete this assignment. We have weeks worth of work to do."

"So?" You then crossed your arms.

"So... miss top of her class, you can't half-ass this work. No matter how much you hate me," he said with tired eyes—a look he always carried. You wondered if he ever slept. He wondered if you still had your little heavy metal sessions.

The two of you stared at one another for longer than you should've. You let out a small scoff before rolling your eyes, "whatever. We can meet up for an hour daily. I think that'll be my limit for how long I can endure your demonic aura."

Eyeing you as you had turned your head to the side stubbornly, a small excuse of a laugh left his lips, "I'm not into satanism. Don't worry, Barbie doll, I'm not going to sacrifice you to some nonexistent deity."

Twitching at the nickname he gave you, you sighed and straightened your posture. He knew how to irk you. "Sure, whatever. Then why do you wear upside down crosses?"

"It's for the aesthetic, obviously," he said as if you should've known that. "Same reason why you love to wear those big pearls on your ears, or that scarf with that plaid pattern. Or even those red bottom heels," Choso listed as you found your cheeks heating up. Was he keeping tabs on you? Was he paying the much attention to what you wore? And why were you blushing?! "You call that fashion, I call this fashion," he said as he flicked the earring that dangled from his right ear.

"Creep," you mumbled before reaching into your bag and pulling out a small journal. Removing the pen from it and writing down something, you tore the piece and folded it neatly before handing it over to him, dropping it into his palm as he extended his hand out. "That's my address. Don't go about stalking me and seeing what I'm wearing. Be there at 8PM, no later. We can do this every Monday through Thursday for one hour. Don't bother me from outside that one hour. Got it?"

Looking at his palm, then down at you, he slid it in his back pocket before answering, "sure."

"Perfect! Now you can leave me be. And stop noting what I wear, loser," you stuck your tongue out before walking away. Yeah, you were mature. It just didn't help that you needed to get out of there, and fast. For some reason, your face felt hot and your heart was racing. You were afraid you were going to start stuttering if you stayed any longer. Why was he so nonchalant? And, damn, why did he smell so good?! You weren't even trying to sniff him, but his cologne knocked right into you. Also, why the hell was he so observant of what you wore? He had no right!

As if.... you weren't the same towards him.

He didn't need to know that.

8PM on the dot. You heard someone knock on your front door, knowing very well it was Choso. You were home alone that evening—as you almost always were as your parents were too busy to focus on their only daughter. You were in the midst of tidying your room—making sure nothing too secretive was lying around—before you made your way downstairs, and to your front door. Sucking in a deep breath and forcing your best scowl, you opened the front door.

In all honesty, the hours that lead up to Choso's arrival were nerve wracking. You weren't sure why. Nothing out of this world, wasn't like he was anyone impressive. Yet you put more effort into your look than you should've for just lounging in your home and working on an assignment. You told yourself it was just how you were. You always looked your best, even at home. Even when you were in those little, pink shorts and an oversized sweater with a cartoon character on it that made you look smaller. It was the first thing Choso noticed when you opened the door—besides the fact that you had subtle makeup and your hair in two little space buns... reminding him too much of his own hairdo.

But, he knew better than to point that out. You'd chew him out.

"Still living with your parents?" He pointed out, though you were sure it wasn't a question and rather a statement.

"So?" You narrowed your eyes. "No point in living in the dorms when I live close to the university. Not everyone lives in a shoe box for an apartment," you crossed your arms as Choso simply blinked.

"And you know where I live because—"

"I— I don't!" You blushed. "I just assumed!"

A subtle grin on his lips as he stood at your door, one hand gripped on the strap of his backpack while the other was deep in the pocket of his grey sweats. So he did own a color outside of black? "And I'm the creepy one."

Snapping your eyes up from the spot they had landed on—definitely not the outline of his dick in his sweats—you hissed, "shut up."

"Can I come in? Or are we going to just stay here and banter?" He asked as you sucked in a deep breath, taking a step to a side and gesturing for him to enter. Without hesitation, he did so. Eyeing his surroundings. The formal living room with modern couches and decor, a dining table and several art pieces hung about. A few framed family photos spotted on the coffee table. It was quite... minimal for a home with a family. Much too clean and pristine. He was starting to understand why you were the way you are.

"Do you want... water or something," you grumbled as you offered, noticing how Choso was curiously studying your home.

"Nah, I've got my own bottle in my bag," he said before spotting your staircase. "Where're we gonna do this?"

Sucking in a deep breath, you pointed upward, "my room." Leading the way towards and up the stairs, you stopped on the second step before turning to look down at him, "don't even think about stealing anything or taking photos. Got it?" You pointed at him as he lifted his hands up in defense before you hummed, turning and treading up the steps.

"I was thinking about stealing one of your panties, but now that you say that—"

"Ugh, gross!" You exclaimed, shaking your head as your steps became stomps. "I wouldn't even doubt it..."

Slightly grinning to himself as he followed you, Choso came to a stop at your doorway as he eyed your bedroom. It was exactly as he expected. Pink... so pink... pink and white with cute things everywhere. Yet, so organized and cleaned up. Like... an unused children's room. This can't possibly be your happy space. So many plushies stuffed on your bed? Sanrio decorations on your desk? A vanity filled with endless makeup products? Well, maybe it was your happy spot. But... it felt like this was some experimental room you were tossed in and put under supervision to see if they could make you the perfect girl.

There had to be something hidden amongst all the bubblegum decor. Something that hinted to the real you.

"Do I sit in all those or in that..." Choso pointed at your bed covered in plush toys or your pink bean bag that sat on a white, fluffy rug. God, how could you even breathe in here?

"You can sit here," You corrected, pulling out your desk chair before you sat in the sea of teddy bears, somehow not disrupting the layout. As if there was a spot specifically for you. "You've got one hour, emo boy."

"Right," Choso sighed as he settled into the white chair.

Lifting your eyes from your laptop as you had flipped it open, you couldn't help but stifle a laugh. He stuck out of your room like a sore thumb. So out of place... Like a black rose amongst a bed of pink. For a moment, you thought it was cute. For a moment. "I'll start with the introductions," you spoke up after nearly clearing your throat from words that weren't uttered but thought out.

Reaching into his bag and pulling out his laptop, Choso looked at you for a moment to see you focused on your screen before his eyes darted around your room, looking for anything off. Your mattress, pillow... maybe behind your dresser or underneath your bean bag. Something hidden. You must've kept a secret collection of records somewhere. Maybe even black band tees. "Sure..."

You started asking the basic introductory questions: full name, where you were born, how old are you, what are you studying... so on and so forth. It was child's play. You wondered how Professor Yaga made this assignment so lengthy when it could've been completed with twenty questions or less. You assumed it was something psychological, suited for the class.

Typing out Choso's answers, he then started asking you the same ones, you answering without missing a beat—or making eye contact. "Lastly, what's your favorite heavy metal band?"

Feeling your lips part, you instantly sealed them as you lifted your focus and shot him a look. "That so is not a question!" You exclaimed, glaring.

Looking at you with a subtle smirk, Choso shrugged, "last one is a freebie for the introduction. You asked me why I am so emo, so I thought it was fair I asked you something I was curious about."

"First of all, you actually are emo. Second of all, I do not listen to heavy metal music. I have no idea where the hell you pulled that out of," you narrowed your eyes, but Choso only leaned back in the desk chair and sighed. "What?"

"Your little head banging sessions in your car beg to differ," Choso said as you blinked, eyes gradually widening as you instantly tossed your laptop onto your stuffed toys before standing to your feet. "The kitten has claws—"

"I don't know what you are talking about but you need to stop stalking me," you pointed your finger at him.

Lifting his hands up in defense, he sighed, "I don't know why you're being so defensive. If it isn't true, if I'm lying, you wouldn't care. But I'm not lying, I know what I saw. You haven't even denied it."

Clenching your jaw as your glared down at him, you pushed your hand against his laptop and shut it as your other hand settled on your hip, "sure, I listen to alternative music that isn't up to my quote unquote standards when no one is around. Sure, I love to scream and bang my head to release my inner frustrations through heavy metal. However, do you think anyone would believe you if you started spreading word? No, they wouldn't, because that's unlike me. I wouldn't do any of that," you said with your eyes still squinted. "Nice try, Choso."

"I have no intentions on spreading rumors—sorry, facts—about you. Actually, with me being the only one to know this, it means I was right about you," he said, looking up at you with that bored expression he so gracefully wore.

Arching an eyebrow, you leaned towards him, "right about what?"

A small smile appeared on his lips as he sat up, looking you in the eyes, "that you aren't who you seem. That all of this," he gestured to your room, "is nothing but a cloaking device forced upon you to hide who you really are. You're just a poor princess trapped in her tower of pink lies. Tell me I'm wrong."

Eyeing him as you kept your focus locked on his, taking in deep breaths, you nearly bit your tongue off. "You are so wrong."

Choso was not wrong. Nowhere near wrong. Actually, he was burning hot with his assumptions and theories and intuition. You hated that. Yet, you couldn't avoid him. He was your partner and you weren't going to fail an introductory class. Damn that man.

You continued your daily meet ups at your place—sometimes at the library if you knew your parents would be home. Those happened seldom, and Choso didn't even have to ask to know why there was a change in environment. He was well aware your parents would despise him if they saw him. Now a week into your project, Choso was slowly learning more about you, more than what you put out. He was well aware that you had both beauty and brains, he wasn't going to lie, he had eyes. However, he started noticing the little cracks. The holes in you that were created by your own pillars—your parents. They wanted you you be the perfect little girl for them. Since you were the only child, they were so fixated on you and your achievements.

Probably why you had all those trophies from various competitions on a shelf in your home.

You didn't enjoy it, you didn't have to tell him for him to know. He saw it in your eyes whenever you lied and said you had fun competing as a child. (In reality, he was sure you wanted an actual fun childhood.)

It was obvious why you were the way you were. They were carving you out, shaping you the way they wanted. Not how you did.

And Choso was sure, if he pushed hard enough, he'd get you to tip over and break into a million pieces. Pull yourself back together, and bring out a better you. The real you.

Of course, that is once he gets on your good side.

"So how are things with you two?" Yuki asked as the two of you walked along the campus, leaving one of your shared classes. "I mean, you've hardly complained about him since we started working on the project."

Sighing as you held your journal against your chest, you looked off to the side. "He's— He's... there..."

"There?" She asked with a small snicker. "What the hell does that mean? Hey! You still haven't given me his number!"

"I'll give it to you later," you mumbled, looking up at the sky now, eyeing the scattered clouds and the distant birds flying below them.

"Later? Oh! So you did manage to get it, huh?" Yuki grinned, nudging you with her elbow.

"Yeah, a few meet ups in, solely to let him know where to meet up. Can't have my parents seeing him," you said, thinking about the reaction your parents would have if they saw Choso in your room. Oh, how they'd panic. Your father would lose his mind and your mother would—without a doubt—pass out. The thought made you chuckle.

"What's so funny?" The blonde beside you asked, eyeing you with an arched eyebrow.

"Nothing..." you hummed.

"Hmm..." studying you, Yuki then crossed her arms. "So, you've got a crush on him—"

Coming to a complete stop, you turned and eyed her, "excuse me? Repeat yourself? Deranged witch!"

"There she is!" Yuki pointed with a laugh. "For a second I thought I lost you there! You weren't being so bitchy—"

"Shut up," you rolled your eyes, turning back in your spot, continuing to walk. "I do not have a crush on him, where the hell did you get that from?"

"You haven't complained about him once and, well, you are his partner still... you haven't managed to convince Yaga to switch you. And don't give me the whole he won't bullshit, we all know everyone in the faculty and staff adore you. So, what's up? What's got you so... chill? You aren't even fuming like you normally would. C'mon, talk to me. You know I'm the best person to confess to," Yuki grinned with a flip of her hair.

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you shook your head, "there's nothing. We just meet up for an hour, do our work, then go our separate ways."

"So the assignment isn't bringing you two close? I know for a fact it's got 'hime and 'toru fu—"

Lifting a finger, you shook your head, "don't you finish that sentence. Please." Watching her lift her hands up in defense, you shook your head. "He's a hard man to open up. His responses are minimal and almost cryptic. He doesn't speak much when it comes to himself, but he seems very interested in me. Like he wants to unravel me. Creepy in my opinion but... whatever. If it's getting me an A, I'll do whatever."

Watching you wave your hand dismissively, Yuki tilted her head with a small grin, "unravel you, huh? Like... get in your panties—"

A gasp left you as your eyes widened. "Yuki, shut up!" You snapped. "No, it's like— he just wants to get to the deepest bits about me! Not that!"

"Deepest bits, like, having his thick, long, di—"

"I'm walking away now!" You said as you picked up your pace, only to hear her laughing. Yuki knew how to get under your skin, but not in a spiteful way. She just liked to bug you, your reactions were golden, so she could only imagine how you were when you were with Choso.

In all honesty, as much as she loved pestering you for his number, she couldn't help but think... you two would actually be quite the power couple. There was something about opposites attracting that made her swoon, especially when it was her little, preppy, best friend and a very handsome, depressed looking, goth boy. The image of you two being together made her smirk. She needed to do something about it.

Walking towards your car as you let out a huff of annoyance, you pulled your keys out from your bag and eyed your surroundings for a moment. Secluded. Just like how you liked it. This was why you always parked here, towards the back of the campus near the history wing. Not many people ventured this way, it was the perfect hideaway.

Unlocking your car and slipping inside, you set the keys in the ignition and plugged your phone in. Taking in a deep breath as you settled in your seat after tapping your favorite playlist, you started bobbing your head to the music. Then, before you knew it—as the rhythm was flowing through you—you started singing (screaming?) along. You were so into it that you nearly forgot your surroundings. That is until your eyes landed on your favorite loner.

There, standing across the way on the sidewalk with one hand clutched onto his skateboard and the other holding his cigarette in between his index and thumb, was Choso. Watching you with a smirk on his lips. When did he get there? How did you not notice? You weren't even a song into the playlist!

With a huff, you lowered the volume and shoved your door open, not bothering to shut it as you stomped over towards the stoic man. He simply stood there, taking a drag and puffing air as you came up, practically barring your fangs. It was cute to him, you looked like an angry kitten. "You!" You pointed as Choso simply took another drag.

"Yeah," he breathed, watching as you stopped before him, just before the curb as he stood towering before you with the additional inches from the sidewalk.

"Where— Where the hell did you come from?!" You shrieked.

"My mother's—"

"No! I didn't see anyone!" You whined as Choso sighed, taking one last inhale from his cigarette before putting it out.

"What? Bummed someone knows you have little therapeutic head banging sessions?" He slightly tilted his head. It was then you noticed his hair was down, in all it's disarray glory, sat beneath a dark grey bucket hat. He wore a baggy tee again, a plain black one and matching sweats. His feet covered in beat up converse this time around. You were so deep in your studying—gawking—that Choso cleared his throat.

Snapping out of it, you looked up at him again and frowned, arms folded as you stomped a foot pathetically, "what is it that you want from me?!"

"Nothing, really," he shrugged. "Just that you quit being someone you're not. Y'know, for someone who judges others for being their true selves."

Fighting the urge to gasp, you bit your tongue, instead, grabbing his hand and yanking him. You pulled him along to your car, opening the passenger door and nearly shoving him inside. Shutting the door behind you, you then rounded the car and took the drivers seat. With the sound of the car locking, you turned up the volume again and sat there with your arms crossed. Your focus was straight ahead as Choso took a minute to take in his surroundings. Your car—a cute, white, Mini Cooper—smelled like spring days. Nothing out of place, cleaned as if you've never used the car before. You had a little dancing flower on your dashboard and a pink ribbon wrapped around your mirror into a bow. Yet, the music emitting from within did not match the interior.

Eyeing the screen before him, he then leaned back into the seat, recognizing the artist as one he listened to religiously. "So, are you kidnapping me?" He asked, turning his attention ahead, eyes aimlessly gazing around his surroundings.

"No," was all you said before raising the volume up. "I know you won't say anything, no one would believe you anyway." Feeling his eyes on you, you bit your inner cheek before mumbling, "and it's nice... having someone to enjoy this with..."

Seeing the way you stubbornly kept your focus anywhere but on him, Choso couldn't help but tease you, "I think you're finally getting soft on me—"

"Don't get used to it!" You snapped, now looking and pointing at him.

Lifting his hands up in defense, Choso looked ahead once again with a small sigh, "is it okay if you go over my place tonight?"

Blinking, your eyebrows narrowed, "why?"

"It's personal," was all he said, voice lower than before. You couldn't help but frown. Personal? "I can't leave home tonight."

"Oh... Kay..." You trailed, studying him and seeing how his demeanor changed, no longer in a teasing mood. "Fine. Since you were such nice company, I'll allow it."

Rolling his eyes, Choso couldn't help but feel a twitch of a smile grow on his lips, "whatever. I'll text you my address."

"Apartment 310..." you sighed, eyeing the grey door before you decorated in nothing but a peephole and... an odd decoration hanging from the door knob. Something resembling that of a child's creation in arts and craft class. You'd have to ask Choso about that—

The sound of heavy, rapid footsteps and excited yelling was heard from the other side of the door, causing you to lean in with furrowed brows. Did he have company? Or was that a really loud TV? Knocking on the door as you had leaned back and stood straight, you heard the heavy footsteps once again—except this time approaching. Seeing the door swing open, your eyes widened.

"What—" seeing no one before you, no sign of Choso, you tilted your head. "Who—" lowering your focus, a pair of big, bright eyes gazed up at you. A little boy, easily 4 or 5, stood before you with a look of awe. His pink hair was messy—ruffled in different directions, as he wore a hoodie with tiger ears and matching shorts plus white socks covering his tiny feet. "Oh... this must be the wrong place... I'm sorry—"

"Yuji! What did I tell you about opening the door?!" Hearing a familiar voice call out—much more intense than you had ever heard of before, you turned your head to see Choso approaching. However, the sounds of whimpering caught your attention as the little boy—which you now learned was named Yuji—was tearing up. "Oh no... I'm sorry, I didn't—" kneeling before the little boy and lifting him in his arms, Choso rubbed his tiny back. "I didn't mean to scare you. But, please, listen to me, okay?"

"O— kay..." the little boy sniffled.

Watching this all unfold, eyes wide in shock, you shook your head and swallowed. What... just happened? Who was this little boy? And why did the sight before you—Choso being so gentle—make your insides twist? "Umm..."

"Come in," Choso nudged his head for you to follow. You, closing the door behind you, did so. He lead you to the living room (which was really just a couple of steps ahead of you) as he sat on the couch, settling the little boy down and wiping his tears as you slowly sat besides the older man. "You can play for thirty more minutes but you must clean and put away all your toys and get ready for bed after, okay?"

"Mhm!" Yuji nodded his head in excitement, only to turn his head to look at you, gasping as he nearly had forgotten you were there. "Choco, is this your girlfriend?" The little boy asked, suddenly all giddy, causing your heart to skip a beat as your eyes widened. Girlfriend?!

"No, she's just a classmate," Choso clarified as you frowned, slightly offended for whatever insane reason. As if you should be insulted by that! Why did he answer so casually? How was he always so calm?! "Why don't you introduce yourself?"

"Okay!" The little boy exclaimed, taking quick steps to stand before you, "hi! My name is Yuji Itadori!"

Blinking a few times, looking down at his tiny hand as it was extended towards you, you took it in your own and gently shook it. "Hi, Yuji... I'm—"

"I know who you are!" He gasped, saying your name as he pointed at you while jumping. "Yeah! That's you! Choco talks—"

"Okay, Jiji, that's enough, go play with your toys," Choso shooed him as Yuji frowned, then gave the older man a small glare before stomping away, mumbling to himself.

Letting out a small breath, you looked at Choso, "you're a young father... he must look a lot like his mom."

"I'm not his dad," Choso clarified, shaking his head as he was covering his mouth, still processing what Yuji was about to say. With a deep breath, he then leaned back against the couch, "his my little brother. Half brother, actually, but... yeah. I'm his legal guardian."

Eyeing Choso as he had yet to look at you, almost as if he were deep in thought, you simply nodded. This must've been what was personal. His little brother, Yuji. "Oh... I see." Not wanting to press, you opened your bag and pulled out your laptop to get ready for your hour session. Just before you did, you gave him one look, realizing he was still dressed similarly to earlier—hair down, a t-shirt and sweats, but now no sneakers... only socks. Turning back to your laptop, Choso did the same as he lifted his from the coffee table before him, getting straight to work.

Thirty minutes had passed and Choso excused himself for a moment, mentioning how he had to make sure Yuji put himself to bed. As he did that, you continued your work, even if your mind was wandering off to uncharted waters. Thoughts of Choso... Choso being a fatherly figure. Again, it was stirring something unwanted within you. You had to force yourself to think about something else.

That is, of course, until a shadow casted upon you. You looked up, behind you to see Choso looking down at you. A small yelp left you as you gulped, quickly turning your attention away as you noticed Yuji standing beside him—hand in hand with Choso. "Oh?" You blinked as the little boy smiled. You realized he was now dressed in his pajama—a cute, dark blue set, with little animals scattered around it.

"I wanted to say good night! So... good night!" He waved with his free hand.

"Good night, Yuji. It was nice meeting you," you smiled back at him before Choso guided him back to his room. The grin on your lips wouldn't fade away, you had to admit, Yuji was adorable.

The cutest kid you've ever met. Hearing distant mumbling, your curiosity got the best of you as you settled your laptop onto the coffee table and stood up. Quietly walking to the small hallway where the two bedrooms and bathroom sat, you carefully peeked over. Choso was kneeling before Yuji's bed, reading a bedtime story. You could see the little boy was fighting sleep as his eyes fluttered closed. Choso noticed this, too. Standing up and making sure all of the plush toys were surrounding him—the way his little brother liked it—Choso leaned in and kissed his forehead good night before gently caressing his hair.

Your heart was racing. You hadn't noticed it. Forcing yourself to look away and walk back to your spot on the couch, you found yourself nibbling on your bottom lip. Trying to focus on your work, you couldn't seem to get passed the single word you typed out. The images of Choso caressing Yuji's back, wiping his tears, holding his hand... and tucking him in... it made you feel so uneasy. It made your heart race. It made your face heat up.

"Okay, he's asleep," Choso said, snapping out of your thoughts as you clinched. He noticed but stayed silent.

"I can keep meeting you here if you need me to," you said, eyes practically glued to your screen, refusing to look up at him. You knew if you looked him in the eye you'd do something foolish. Probably even blush.

"I normally have a babysitter if he doesn't have his evening karate class... but money has been getting tight," he confessed, causing you to look up at him as he reached for his laptop and sat back down. You couldn't help but feel sympathetic. As much as you weren't fond of Choso—for petty reasons—you could only imagine how much he was struggling to raise a little boy on his own.

"It's okay, you don't need to explain," you said, "I like Yuji. He seems like a really sweet boy."

Looking at you, Choso wore a subtle smirk, "he's my bloodline."

"Whatever," you playfully rolled your eyes. "He's innocent and I like his hair."

"You don't like mine?" Choso slightly tilted his head, letting the strands fall to a side. You couldn't help but smile, shaking your head. "No? Wow. Is it because it's not pink?"

Letting out a small laugh, you reached over to touch his hair without thinking. You wrapped some around your finger, twirling it before letting it fall loose, "it's not so bad..."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Eyeing one another as a comfortable silence fell between the two of you, you felt your heart begin to race the more you looked at him. Shyly looking away, you cleared your throat. "Let's finish today's work."

Studying you and the subtle blush that tinted your cheeks, Choso nodded. "Yeah."

It was becoming more and more apparent to Choso how much you were softening up to him. Maybe it was because you saw a different side of him after your first visit to his place... or maybe you just wanted to be seen as a saint in little Yuji's eyes. Whatever it may be, you weren't so easily agitated anymore. It caught him off guard when you started giving him small smiles—in which his would subtly reciprocate. He had to test his waters, of course. Maybe you were smiling to someone behind him? But no, it was towards him.

Then, you started inviting him to your little in-car-concerts. He would recommend you music that you'd soon find yourself playing on repeat while alone or in the comfort of your earphones. Other times, you'd recommend him songs in which he'd learn the lyrics to almost the very next day—Choso wouldn't admit it to you, but he kind of wanted you to be impressed. And, you were.

Choso also noticed just how attached his little brother grew to you. Every visit you made for your hourly sessions, you found yourself coming earlier and earlier to spend time with the little boy. He had always asked you to play with him or to watch his favorite movie, but you had told him you couldn't while working on your project, so, of course—in his infinite wisdom—little Yuji suggested you come earlier. And you did.

There was even a routine you started with the duo: helping out Yuji to sleep, even if Choso insisted You didn't have to (you had to, solely because Yuji begged you to... and you did want to, too).

You were... changing, to say the least; and Choso wouldn't complain nor want to stop it.

However, your parents began to notice.

It wasn't as subtle as you thought. You were well aware of the change in demeanor you had. You were nicer to those you once were quite bitchy to. You weren't so stuck up nor snobbish—as Yuki liked to point out—and you were actually associating yourself with others you once saw beneath you.

This... wasn't a good look, at least, not in your parents eyes.

"Why are you always sneaking away?" Your mother had asked. An odd question coming from her when she nor your father were never around. "Are you secretly dating someone?!"

Growing wide eyed, you shook your head. "No? I have an assignment I've been working on with a partner. We meet up together."

"Uh huh," your mother crossed her arms. "Don't think we don't notice these changes," she gestured at your figure. "Your attitude is becoming much too laid back and care free. You aren't on time like you used to be and you are becoming careless with your fashion! Are you on drugs?!"

"Mom! Of course not?!" You shrieked, narrowing your eyebrows at her accusation. "I'm not changing, I'm still me!"

"Yeah? Is that so?" Walking around the kitchen counter and pulling out something, your eyes widened at the sight of your (what once was hidden) vinyl records. "Satanic music!" She waved them as she approached you again, then handing them to your father who stood beside her. "I will not tolerate this!"

Watching your father snap the records, a sharp gasp left your lips as your eyes instantly welled up in tears. "That— That isn't satanic music! That's just music! It was a gift! How could you?!" You cried out as your body trembled at the broken pieces on the ground. A gift Choso had given you during one of your sessions after remembering you had a record player.

"You think we don't know what the hell this is?!" Your father finally spoke, shaking the two pieces in his hands. "You, sneaking around behind our backs?! You probably have been smoking pot in your room—"

"I'm not! It's just music, for heaven's sake—"

"Don't you raise your voice!" Your father snapped as you hiccuped.

"You— You two are being ridiculous! Over music?! You broke a gift someone important gave to me!" You exclaimed, chest heaving as the anger and rage boiled up within you. You were blinded that you hadn't realize the confession you made, too focused on the fact that they had destroyed the practically brand new vinyl you were afraid to touch because you wanted to preserve them. Yet, that went out the window. "All because you're too scared your perfect daughter isn't all about unicorns and rainbows anymore because she's a damn adult! I'm sick and tired of being someone you want me to be that I'm not!"

Hearing them scoff your name, you shook your head and turned to grab your keys, ignoring their yells as you stormed off. You didn't look back, slamming the main door of your home behind you before rushing into your car and speeding off. Your vision was blurred from the endless tears as you continuously wiped them away. You didn't seem to care about speed limits or being pulled over, you just wanted to get away as far as possible.

And as far as possible was at Choso's.

You found yourself crying into his chest the moment he had opened the door. He lead you to his couch—that you grew familiar with—and settled you there before coming back with tissues and water. He wiped your tears as you explained what happened, whimpering along the way as Choso frowned for you. The more he learned about you, the more he knew you were just a bystander of your parents ruthless grip. He was sure the person you had been becoming around him was the woman inside begging for freedom... and to see you cry like this? Sobbing over the gifts he gave you and snap at your parents? His heart was aching. 

At some point, a worried Yuji came waddling in with a plush toy—one you learned to be his favorite—as he handed it to you for comfort. Claiming it made him feel better when he was sad. You thanked the little boy as you caressed his cheek before hugging his tiny body. He couldn't help but stay lingering, sitting beside you in hopes you'd feel better.

"You're welcome to come over whenever you want," Choso offered. "Even if I'm not here, I have a spare key hidden under my front mat. Not wise, I know, but things happen."

Smiling at him as you sipped at the water Choso had handed you, you shook your head, "I couldn't... I don't want to intrude."

"Believe me, you're not," he said, looking you in the eyes with a worried expression. "I rather you feel safe and wanted here than anxious and afraid in what's supposed to be your own home."

Looking down for a moment at the stuffed Spider-Man in your hold, you then looked over at Choso, "thank you."

"You can sleep over!" Yuji exclaimed as he bounced in his spot. "We can watch a movie and—and eat popcorn!"

Looking over at the eager, little boy, you let out a soft chuckle, "okay, Jiji." Seeing him clap in excitement, he pushed himself off the couch and rushed away to his room.

"I'll get you something to sleep in, and you can stay in my bed," Choso stood as you turned your attention to him, watching him walk away. Before you could protest, he waved his hand, "don't worry about it. I've fallen asleep plenty on the couch with Yuji."

Choso's clothes were even baggier on you. The shirt was a dress and the sweats he offered hung so loosely you had to tie them up with a spare hair tie. However, you didn't seem to mind. They were comfortable and they... smelled like him. You hated to admit it, but the times you've got whiffs of him, you indulged. He smelled so good, like fresh laundry. There was a hint of spice, maybe the subtle cologne he used or the possibility that he liked his home smelling like the fall. Whatever it was, it filled your senses as you lied on his bed and it... made you feel safe.

After watching a movie with Yuji—which he chose to be Big Hero 6–you retired for the night. Choso gave you brand new toiletries to use as needed as well as clothes, telling you to feel free and use whatever you needed. It made you feel... wanted. You hadn't felt like this in so long. Sure, your friends were wonderful people, but even then you hadn't felt like this. You couldn't quite describe it, really. Besides the feeling of being noticed and needed, even if it was subtle, there was that thing bubbling within you that only Choso ignited.

Turning on your side and seeing the analog alarm clock on his bedside table, you sighed. It was half past midnight and, for some reason, you couldn't sleep. Maybe it was being in someone else's bed. Maybe it was your parent's words. Whatever it was, it had you getting up and wrapping a throw over your body as you aimed for the living room.

Gently nudging Choso as he seemed sound asleep, resting on his back as he took the entire length (and more) of the couch, you frowned. "Choso..." You whispered.

Mumbling and groaning, the sound made you blush as he peeked an eye, "what is it?"

"Sorry... I can't sleep..." you confessed. "Umm... can you... can you come back to bed with me? Maybe having someone there will make me feel at ease..."

Rubbing his eyes as he sat up, Choso grabbed the pillow he slept with and tossed the blanket over the cushions before following you to his room without a word. Maybe it was because he was half asleep, but he so easily slipped into his bed, lifted the sheets for you to join him, and casually spooned you from behind. You were flustered at first—of course! But then you eased into his warmth with a pleasant sigh as you closed your eyes.

Only to open them at the sound of faint whimpering.

Sitting up, you looked around the room, only to see Yuji standing at the foot of the bed—one arm wrapped around his Spider-Man plush as his other had his tiny hand balled into a fist, rubbing his eye. "Yuji?" You quietly called to him. "What's the matter?"

"Nightmare..." he pouts. "Choco let's me sleep with him when I have them..."

"Oh," looking over at Choso and seeing he was dead asleep, you looked back at Yuji. A soft smile graced your lips before you waved a hand for him to join you. "C'mon, the more, the merrier."

Crawling up to you as you helped settle him in between you and Choso, you pulled the quilt over the two of you before petting his hair, telling him to sleep well. That he was safe.

Just like you.

Morning had come and you woke up to both Yuji and Choso gone from the bed. You went to do your (simplified) morning routine as you washed your face and brushed your teeth. Once exiting the room, you were greeted with breakfast—Yuji happily nomming away as Choso looked as if he were about to leave somewhere.

"Morning," you greeted as Yuji patted the seat beside him—in which a full plate of food sat. "Where you headed off to?" Eyeing Choso and seeing he was in a pair of black jeans and a band tee—with his beloved Doc Marten's and hair in its spiked buns—you tilted your head.

"I've got work," he said. You recalled him mentioning he worked at a record shop (see broken vinyls that were once your prized possession from him). "I have to take Yuji to a family friend to babysit—"

"Oh, let me," you offered. "It's the least I could do. Let it be my thank you," you nodded. "I'd have to get some stuff from my place but I can bring him with me. I'm sure Yuji wouldn't mind."

Nodding his head eagerly, Choso looked at his little brother, then you, "alright, I guess that's okay. I'll have to let Nanami know."

"Nanamin will get why!" Yuji waved his tiny hand. "Choco's pretty friend will babysit! She's now Yuji's best friend!"

"What about Megumi and Nobara?" Choso asked as he leaned over Yuji to steal some of his bacon, earning a swat from the little boy.

"They— They are!" He exclaimed. "But now I have an older best friend!"

Smiling at them, you gave Yuji's cheek a gentle pinch, "I'd happily be your best friend."

"Yay!" He clapped before sticking his tongue out at Choso.

"Okay, okay," Choso waved a hand. "I'll go ahead and put his car seat in your car so you have it ready."

"Okay, thanks," you said as you began to eat. You couldn't help but feel excited to spend the day with Yuji... as odd as that sounded. He was an entertaining little boy and he really seemed to love you like his own blood.

"Okay, Yuji," You said as the little boy gawked at the size of your home, calling it a castle. You showed him around the house, even your backyard, before you made your way up to your room. "I'm going to shower and then we can head back to your home, okay?"

"Okay!" Yuji's muffled voice called out as he had now found himself stuffed in the horde of plush toys on your bed. He couldn't help but toss himself in it the moment he saw them all. You didn't mind, whatever made the boy happy.

"Stay there, alright?" You pointed as he rolled over and nodded, only to spot a pink dog. "Yeah, has your color, huh?"

"Same hair!" He pointed at his head, earning a sweet chuckle from you.

"I'll be quick," at that, you closed the door and took a quick shower. You folded up the clothes Choso leant you and reminded yourself to wash them at his place so your parents weren't suspicious if you left them at home.

Changing into a pair of grey leggings and an oversized, white hoodie that had TOKYO written across the chest in varsity letters, you slipped on socks and exited the bathroom. Just as you reached for a pair of sneakers, you noticed Yuji was knocked out on the plushes. Smiling, you slipped the shoes on, grabbed your tote bag that you filled with your things—plus Choso's clothes—then reached for Yuji and held him against you as he rested against your shoulder.

Careful enough to leave your home and shut the door quietly, you put him back into his car seat and buckled him in before you went for the drivers seat and made your way back to Choso's.

That afternoon was quite busy. You finished up your assignments that were due the following week, did some cooking for lunch that you enjoyed with Yuji, played with him and watched movies, then cooked again for dinner. For the most part, Choso's fridge was filled with a lot of children's food. The occasional fruit and vegetable, too. But a lot of kiddie portions. He truly cared for his little brother, it warmed your heart how attentive he was. How responsible and how much of an effort he put into Yuji's life.

After dinner, you took Yuji for a small walk to get some fresh air and enjoy the sunset. You sat at a park bench for a bit and talked about his favorite TV shows and video games before you walked hand in hand back to his home.

Watching some episodes of a TV show you loved as a kid—one Yuji never knew of—the two of you dozed off on the couch. This was what Choso came home to.

His heart raced at the sight, you with Yuji curled up against you as you shared a blanket. A small smile grew on his lips as he took his shoes off and quietly walked over. Carefully lifting up Yuji, ready to put him to bed—as it seems you had already taken care of bathing, brushing his teeth, and changing him into his pajamas—you squirmed awake. "Good evening, princess."

Sighing, you stretched before sitting up. "Hi."

"You can stay again, if you'd like," Choso offered but you shook your head with a gentle smile.

"I should go home... even though my parents don't seem to care as I haven't received a single phone call or text," you sighed, standing up to gather your things before walking to his front door.

Following you, Choso opened the door for you with his free hand as his other kept Yuji against his shoulder. "Like I said before, you have a place to stay here."

Looking up at him as you felt your heart flutter, you smiled again. A silence washed upon you two as you quietly gazed at one another. Tiptoeing, you gave his cheek a sweet, lingering kiss, before settling back, "thank you."

Eyeing you as his focus flickered between your eyes and your lips, Choso felt himself leaning forward, just about ready—

Feeling Yuji squirm, Choso straightened his posture as you blushed, waving goodbye before exiting his apartment. "Yeah... goodnight, princess..."

"...and then... I kissed his cheek. After that, I could've sworn we would've, you know..." you waved your hand, "kissed..."

"Kissed?!" Yuki exclaimed as you shyly nodded, blushing. You had told her everything from your parents wrongfully snapping at you, to you staying with Choso... up until you left the following day. Which had been yesterday. "Why didn't you?!" She gasped as she leaned towards you.

The two of you sat on a bench out in the main, open courtyard, usually doing this after your shared class before moving onto your next one. "I— I don't know... but, either way, I shouldn't..." you sighed, fiddling with the hem of your dress.

"Why not?" Yuki furrowed her eyebrows.

"Because... it'll never work out. We can't be together..." you trailed before sitting up with wide eyes. "Either way, it's not like I have feelings!"

Narrowing her eyes as she stared at you, Yuki shook her head, "I think you're lying. You wouldn't be this way if you didn't feel anything for him. You've changed, in a good way. You're telling me you stayed in his home, in the same bed... and feel nothing? The fact that you ran to him before thinking of anyone else, like... me?! And then you two almost kiss?! Come on!" She threw her hands up before slumping in her seat. "You've gotta follow your heart, and it's clear what she wants."

Turning your focus away from her, your heart skipped a beat. In the distance, you spotted the man of the hour walking alongside Mahito and Suguru. Swallowing the sudden lump in your throat as he noticed you, you shyly waved with a faint smile as he reciprocated the action.

Grinning at the sight, Yuki nudged your knee with hers, "can't knock it till you try it."

After the incident with your parents, you found yourself showing up at Choso's much earlier than normal. He didn't question, knowing very well you were avoiding your parents, simply welcoming you in (more like Yuji shoving his older brother to a side to hug your legs and shriek your name). You truly have grown to love Yuji more and more after each passing interaction.

You and Choso finished your work earlier than usual, deciding to sit together and watch some TV with Yuji sat in between. Usually, he was playing with his toys or Switch, but he always made time to be with you. Even if he was in the middle of using his brother's phone to FaceTime his two best friends. As you were in the midst of watching comedy reruns, Yuji was in the middle of squealing and laughing, talking loudly as one of his best friends—Nobara—basically met his level of excitement. You had actually met his two best friends a few times after Yuji had them over. You learned that Nobara was like his long lost twin while Megumi was the level headed one of the three. Usually quiet, but every now and then showed his own wave of emotions that almost matched the other two.

"Say hi!" Yuji said as he lifted the phone to your face.

"H— Hi, you two," you waved as you gently pushed the phone back so you could see them properly.

"Hi!" Nobara waved happily, sitting up in her seat and giving you a toothy grin.

"Hello," Megumi shyly waved as you chuckled. Yuji claimed Megumi had a crush on you, but you liked to think he was just timid. (Though, you weren't sure how, when his parents—who you had met that same day you had met him—were the complete opposite of him).

Suddenly with his eyes glued on the TV and practically dismissing his best friends, Yuji pointed, "a festival!" He said, watching the ad that appeared on the screen. "Choco, can we go?" He asked, wide eyes looking up at his big brother while kicking his legs in excitement. "All three of us?!

"Sure, if she wants to," Choso said as he ruffled Yuji's hair before the little boy looked up at you, awaiting your response.

"Oh, of course!" You nodded before bringing the phone back to the little boy's attention. "We can go Friday night." Already distracted by his best friends, you let out a small laugh before looking at Choso who shrugged.

The upcoming days went by like a breeze. To your luck, your parents were away on a business trip (without telling you until your mother's assistant left you a text). You rolled your eyes and didn't seem to care, you were used to being on your own rather than have a set of parents around to raise you. It was something that haunted you during your late night thoughts. However, unlike before, you had two people that made your days seem a lot better. Two people you felt as if you could breathe around and not have to worry about proper etiquette and perfect manners.

Friday had finally arrived and your classes came and went. You had met Choso at his place and carpooled with him after letting Yuki know where you'd be. The girls had made last minute plans to go to the movies but, like the great person she was, Yuki offered to make an excuse for you. No one but her knew how close you had grown to Choso. It wasn't like you were... intentionally hiding it, it was known he was your partner. However, you didn't think it needed to be known. It wasn't like you were a couple.

Now enjoying your time at the festival, playing games together (in which Choso had to help Yuji), eating great food and riding some rides, you had won Yuji a tiger plushy that was the size of him. He was a happy boy, but the smile on his face was wider than you had ever seen. He thanked you profusely as he hugged it tight and decided to name it after you (you didn't mind, it was a cute gesture).

Now seated on the ferris wheel as you eyed the environment around you, Yuji sat in between you and Choso as he watched the fireworks with stars in his eyes. You couldn't help but look at Choso with a gentle smile as he looked at you. Soft gazes being exchanged as you felt your heart race, blushing before the two of you looked away. You hated how fast your heart would beat within your chest whenever the two of you made eye contact. It made your stomach turn each time... Maybe Yuki was on to something when she said listen to your heart. As obvious of advise as it was.

"I had a great night," you said as you were now back at Choso's place, standing before your car as he held a sleeping Yuji in one arm and his giant stuffed tiger in the other. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Don't thank me, thank Yuji," he nudged his head towards the sleeping little boy, causing you to chuckle. "I'm glad you came. I would say it must be lonely going back home, but you must be used to it."

"Yeah, I am," you sighed. "But at least I had fun and I can think about that if I get in my head," you tapped your temple, earning a small smile from Choso. "I hope to do something like that again."

"Yeah, me too..." he nodded, eyeing you.

A silence weaved before the two of you as your eyes gazed into one another's. Taking in deep breaths as you could hear the blood pumping within your ears, you tugged Choso down by the collar of his shirt as your lips pressed against his own. Your other hand slid into his hair, through the loose bun he held it in as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss. You didn't think much into it, actually, you felt you were in a fever dream as your tongue slid against his bottom lip before his tongue met your own.

As if you realized what you had just done, you pulled away and took a small step back, looking down at Yuji's resting body before wiping your lips with the back of your hand. "Sorry— I shouldn't have done that. I need to go." Without hesitating, you turned and rushed to the driver seat of your car, leaving Choso with a heart thudding in his chest and confusion floating around his head.

Then Monday came around. You had the intention to act like nothing happened when you met up at his place, casually conversing with Yuji and enjoying your time before you got to work. However, Choso was on a different boat. You were breaking out of that disguise and showing your real self, and having you kiss him said a lot. Why the hell would he act like it didn't happen when you clearly wanted it?

"Stop looking at me like that," you said as you typed away.

"How do you expect me to?" Choso asked.

"By looking away?" You shrugged but Choso rolled his eyes, closing your laptop as you gasped. "Hey—"

"I don't know who you've been with before, how your past relationships or whatever were like, but I don't do hookups or whatever the hell the kiss on Friday initiated. You tried acting like nothing happened these past three days, even though you were clearly avoiding me and my messages. Yuji wanted to take you to the aquarium yesterday and you simply left me on read only to answer hours later—"

"Oh, god, it was just a dumb kiss!" You rolled your eyes.

"So dumb that there was tongue?" Choso lifted an eyebrow.

"I got carried away, alright? It meant nothing," you clarified, but the sudden tremble in your tone was a dead giveaway.

"So if I kissed you right now, it wouldn't do anything? You'd feel nothing?" He asked as you nodded.

"Do your worst, I don't see you in any other light. You should be happy I've started considering you as a good fri—" before you could complete your sentence, Choso's hand was on the back of your neck as his lips crashed onto your own. His tongue was quick to slip past your teeth as it met yours in a frenzy. You, at first, tried pushing him away. However, the grip you had on his sweater only pulled him closer as your laptop nearly fell onto the floor if Choso hadn't moved it in time.

Desperately kissing one another as your noses bumped and saliva smeared, you breathed against one another. As both of you clung onto each other, the sound of Yuji's voice calling out for his big brother caused you to push him off of you as you wiped your lips. "I should go," you panted, gathering your things as Choso watched you.

"Wait—"

"It's getting late, my parents should be back," you said as you aimed for his front door, not bothering to look back.

"Fuck..." he breathed as he sunk into his seat, rubbing his face before Yuji called his name again.

A week passed since the second kiss. It was almost as if there was an unspoken rule not to kiss nor touch as you spent your meet ups with a safe distance apart. You didn't bring anything up, of course not, and Choso was too conflicted to figure out what the hell he should do. He knew you were stubborn, and if he wanted something with you, he knew it wasn't going to be easy. There were still layers protecting you and if he tried anything, he was afraid you were going to resort back to square one and hate him again.

So, he let it be... as much as it was eating him alive knowing you definitely felt something for him as he did for you. It was probably why things were awkward, as much as both of you tried to avoid being such way.

Choso was seated at your desk as you were nestled on your bed. It had been a while since he was in your home and the only reason why he was there was due to an annual inspection at his apartment building. If it hadn't been happening, you two would've been social distancing on his couch instead.

"Finally," you breathed, tossing yourself back on your bed. "We finished."

Looking over at you, the way your shorts clung onto your thighs and how your sweater rode up to expose a piece of your belly, Choso sucked in a sharp breath. "Fuck it."

Sitting up on your forearms, your eyebrows furrowed, "wha—" Choso was suddenly on top of you. You let out a gasp as he practically pinned you on your bed. Your eyes widened as you looked up at him, but the second you felt his lips on yours, they fluttered close. Your palms tried to push against him, but the sensation filling you—the nights of endless dreams of Choso—you couldn't help but succumb. Your hands slipped through his hair, tugging at the loose strands as your lips parted for him.

Kissing you deeply as his tongue glided across your own, tracing every inch of your mouth as you tugged on his hair, Choso felt you wrap one of your legs around his waist. Lowering himself on you before rolling you over to straddle him, you subconsciously began grinding your hips against his as your tongue reached for his again.

Just as you felt Choso's hands reach under your sweater, your door slammed open. Your heart was pounding faster than ever as the sounds of your father screaming echoed in your head. He came rushing in with rage in his eyes as he ripped you off of Choso. Your breathing somehow seemed louder than the yelling beside you as your vision began to blur. From one second to the next, you were shoved back behind your father as he grabbed Choso by the collar and yelled in his face.

The voice of your father and now your mother as she stood by the door in pure shock that turned into disgust, muffled as you tried reaching out for Choso as he was shoved towards the door. "Choso! Wait!" You called out but your father blocked you. "Stop— No! Choso!" Your blurred vision was forced to look back at your father as he  spat out his disappointment in you. Saying you will never see that boy again as long as you lived under his roof. How he blamed Choso for the person you were becoming and how you were forbidden to leave the house unless you told them exactly where you were going.

It was absolutely childish, you were an adult! But that wasn't what had you the most devastated, no, it was the fact that—yes, you had fallen for Choso and things were never going to be the same.

"How long has it been?" Yuki asked as she sat before you at her dinner table.

"9 days," you sighed, rubbing your temples as you sunk into your seat. Yuki basically became your therapist as she knew just about everything that's been happening between you and Choso. As exhausting as it was, she was rooting for you two. She was hoping for the best but hearing how things just kept getting out of hand, she couldn't help but worry for you. "He's avoiding me now. He's blocked my number. Couldn't call nor text him." Groaning as you leaned your forehead into your palm, you shook your head.

"You need to tell him," she said but you shook your head again. "You've gotta find a way. He can't be avoiding you for no reason."

"If I tell him I'm sure he won't say he feels the same. He's doing this for my sake, I can tell... I just—" sucking in a deep breath, you frowned, "it shouldn't have ended up this way."

"Well, you can't control your heart from falling so deeply for someone, can you?"

"Choco! You are smoking again!" Yuji stomped as he eyed his older brother who had just walked in from the balcony. "You promised you'd stop!"

"I know," Choso sighed as he rubbed his forehead.

"You broke your promise!" The little boy pouted. "It's not good for you! It makes you stinky and can kill you!"

"I know, Yuji—"

"I will stop eating candy if you stop smoking!" The pink haired boy pointed as Choso sighed.

"No, you won't—"

"And why haven't I see my best friend? It's been too long, Choco!" Yuji furrowed his eyebrows as he crossed his arms. Choso knew he meant you.

"I don't know..." the older man groaned, as if feeling a headache coming. He was used to his little brother's nonstop talking and pestering... but today, he wasn't having any of it.

"Liar! You are always talking to her! I miss her and you stopped having her over!"

"Enough!" Choso snapped as Yuji instantly flinched. His bottom lip pursed out as his eyes began to water. His tiny body trembled before he turned and ran to his room. "Dammit... I—" going after him and finding a lump under the sheets that was shaking, Choso frowned. "Yuji, I'm sorry." Seeing the giant stuffed tiger sticking out from under the sheets, Choso gently pulled the blanket back. "I didn't mean to snap on you... I just..." taking a seat on the bed as he eyed Yuji, Choso rubbed Yuji's back. "I can't see her anymore... which means you can't, either."

"But... I miss... her..." Yuji sniffled into the stuffed toy.

"Me too..." lying back on the bed as he looked at the ceiling, Choso felt Yuji shift beside him as Yuji sat up.

"Why can't we see her?" He asked.

"It's complicated..." Choso answered as he rubbed his face.

"Do you love her?" Yuji tilted his head as he held the stuffed tiger beside him.

Feeling his heart skip a beat, Choso rolled onto his side and eyed his little brother. "I do."

A gasp left the pink haired boy as he scooted closer. "Well, if you love her, you shouldn't give up," Yuji said as he gave Choso a hopeful smile. "You should go see her and tell her!"

A heavy knock sounded on Yuki's door as you furrowed your eyebrows and looked at it. "Are you expecting someone?" You asked.

"No, but you are," she said as she leaned back in her seat, stretching her arms above her with a sigh.

"Huh?" You shook your head as your confused expression deepened.

"Go open the door," Yuki nudged her chin.

Unsure as to why you listened, you let out a huff before pushing back your seat and standing up. "I don't know what you have up your sleeve... it better not be my parents. They know I'm here, you'd think they'd believe me..." you mumbled to yourself as you opened the door, expecting two unwanted faces... instead, getting one you had been aching to see. "Choso?"

Seeing the way your eyes widened as he stood before you at Yuki's apartment door, drenched in rain water as a nightly shower had rolled in, Choso felt his heart race as he reached for your face and pulled you into a sudden kiss. His beating heart grew faster as he so desperately clung onto you, but your palms instantly pressed against his chest and shoved him back.

Seeing the look of shock now on his face, you clenched your teeth, "you— you think you can just come out of nowhere and—"

Pulling you back into this kiss as his hands tug onto your wrists, Choso silenced your complaints with his own words. "I love you," he breathed against your lips, kissing them repetitively. "I love you," kiss, "I love you," kiss, "I fucking love you," kiss. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry," he nearly whispered as he pressed his forehead against your own as you stood stunned before him. "I was scared. You deserve better than me. I believed you were too good for me. We are from such different worlds and you deserved someone like you. That's why I avoided you. But, fuck, I've never felt this miserable being away from you. You were all I could think about. Dream about. I missed you. I missed your smile and laugh. The smell of your perfume. Seeing you being your genuine self around me. I missed having you around and caring for Yuji. Fuck, why do we do this to ourselves?" Choso breathed. "You avoided me, I avoided you. We let everything that doesn't matter affect us but I don't give a damn about what anyone else says, I love you and I want you. I want to be with you. I—"

Reaching for the back of his head as you tilted your own, you kissed him, now being the one to silence him. "I love you, too," you confessed before wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him tight. "I do... I was scared, too. Of everything. But you bring out the best in me, you make me happy, Choso... I want you just as bad."

"Finally!" Yuki groaned as she stood from her seat. "Having Choso's number was handy."

Looking over at her as you had nearly forgotten where you were, you blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Oh, nothing, just me being the greatest friend and telling Choso where you were and making sure you two finally get together. It was exhausting seeing how things were going all because of lack of communication and fear and how ridiculous your parents are. You're an adult, they can't stop you from who you love," she rolled her eyes with a wave of her hand. "Now go on and leave with Choso and have fun. You can thank me later," she shooed as you and Choso backed up before she closed the door on you.

"Uh..." you stared at the door before looking up at him, seeing him shrug.

"She had been texting me for a while. I was actually a bit confused but then I started seeing her on campus when you weren't around and we got along pretty well. So I figured she'd know your whereabouts, asked her where you were, and luckily you were with her. This would've been much harder if you were home, but I would've done it anyway," he explained as you smiled.

"This is the most I've ever heard you speak," you teased as he shook his head. It was then you remembered he was still soaking wet and you were still outside just barely covered from the rain. "Let's go back to your place before you get sick."

The second you arrived at his apartment—and learned Yuji was staying at Nanami's with this last minute decision to see you—Choso was quick to pull you back into a kiss. You had tried to stop him, telling him he should dry up, but Choso instead started undressing right before you in between kisses. His black tee that clung to his body was the first to go, revealing his toned chest that you so quickly went to touch, feeling his abs underneath your fingertips. Then, he went for his sweat pants, kicking them to a side before he went for your clothes. You couldn't quite process what was happening, your head was spinning from the kissing (and the fact that he was in nothing but his boxer briefs before you). Before you knew it, all that covered you was your underwear as Choso left delicate kisses down your neck and collarbone.

Now standing before his bed as he held your hands in his, Choso pressed his forehead against yours as the two of you stood in silence, listening not only to the rain trickle, but your shared breathing. "I'm not that bad of person, am I?

"No," you shook your head. "I was a fool. I'm sorry..."

"Doesn't matter anymore," he mumbled, "you love me and I love you. That's all I care about. What's in the past is in the past, I love everything about you, and I'm glad I got to peel away those layers," he smiled as you did, too. "May we?"

"Mhm," hummed, "yes... please."

Reaching behind to unclasp your bra before slowly removing it from your body, Choso then lifted you up and settled you on his bed, tugging down your underwear. Bare and exposed to him as your heart raced and chest heaved, you were just about ready to cover yourself, but Choso's lips beat you to it. He kissed along your chest and bare breasts, down your belly and to your thighs. He parted your knees and admired the way your bare pussy glistened for him.

Watching with hooded eyes as he licked his lips, you swallowed as you clung to his bed sheets. Your eyes followed the way his figure lowered to his knees, how he kissed closer and closer to your heat before leaving a sweet peck on your clit.

Reaching one hand up, Choso interlaced his fingers with yours before he licked a broad strip up your cunt, moaning at the taste of you as you shivered. He felt your free hand slide into his dark locks as you let out a shaky breath the moment his tongue teased your entrance, only to make its way back to your aching nub. Choso smiled at the way your hand tugged at his hair to push on his head, further burying his face against you. Swirling his tongue around your clit, he made his way towards your hole before teasing it once again.

"Choso, please, stop teasing..." you begged with a breathy tone.

"Anything for you, baby." Plunging his tongue in you as he fucked you slow, he pulled away to play with your clit before two of his finger pushed into you. The sounds you made had his grip tightening around your hand as his other thrusted his fingers in and out of you.

Your toes curled as you felt that burning desire within you ready to explode. "Ch— Choso, I'm gonna—" but before you could finish, he pulled his fingers out, replacing his tongue with his thumb on your clit. Feeling his tongue sink into once again, Choso was more than ready to lap up your juices as you came on his face with a shaky moan.

Taking in as much of you as he could, groaning in delight at the taste, Choso released your hand before he crawled over you and slid his tongue past your mouth to share your essence. He listened to you hum as your shaky hands reached for his briefs and tugged them down. Helping you as he removed the remaining piece of clothing on his body, he felt your hands caress the side of his thighs before reaching in between the two of you.

Gliding your tongue along his as you so sweetly wanted to swallow each other whole, your hands wanted to feel the weight of him on them. You gently began to rub at his length, already knowing it was going to a bit of a hassle to have him fill you just by the feel of his bare cock in your palm. You pumped him slowly, brushing your thumb over his slit as his breath hitched against your lips. "Fuck me, please," you quietly begged. "I want you, I love you."

Separating from the kiss as he gently peeled your hand away from him before he could come on your hand (which he was sure would happen in any second) he brought you deeper into the bed before he reached for his drawer. That is until you stopped him. "What is it?" He asked, heart dropping. Were you having second thoughts?

"I want you bare," you breathed. "Please..."

"Are— Are you sure?" He asked as you nodded. "I'll pull out."

"No," you shook your head, giving him a look as if saying it was okay.

Blushing, Choso nodded, "okay." Wrapping your legs around his waist as he aligned himself with you, Choso slowly sunk into your tightness as a hiss left him. You reached up and held onto his shoulders as he bottomed out, pausing for a moment as he rested his forehead against yours.

"It's okay," you breathed before giving him a small peck to the cheek.

Pulling back slowly, Choso began thrusting in and out of you at a steady pace. He littered your face with kisses as your eyes fluttered closed. Kissing down your neck and chest, he brought one hand up to fondle with one of your breasts. Giving the other some attention as he sucked at the skin and left red blotches in his wake, faint bites and kisses too, he brought your nipple into his mouth as he began to pick up his pace.

"Faster," you breathed as Choso did so. He thrusted deeply into you, giving your breasts equal attention. Kissing and licking, biting and marking, moaning at the feeling of you squeezing him. Your hands tugged on his hair, the sweetest sounds leaving your lips as he fucked into you in a way that made your heart flutter. He wasn't trying to break you nor fuck you into the next life. No, he was loving you in a physical way to prove just how deep his feelings ran for you. The languid movements of his hips, the kisses against your body, the way he brought his hands into yours as he whispered his love for you into your ear. You swore you could hear angels singing. The tears brimming in your eyes and staining your face as you felt this wave of pure ecstasy wash all over you.

You had never come like this before, almost in unison as you felt your mind, body, and soul becoming one with his. You must've been in heaven, up in the clouds. It was almost ethereal. He filled you so deeply before his body nearly gave out and collapsed on yours.

He needed a moment as he stayed in you. Catching his breath before pulling out and falling beside you. Tugging you to him as his lips lazily met yours in the loveliest, sloppiest kiss, Choso ran his fingers through your hair as he mumbled sweet nothings against your lips.

"I love you," you breathed, nuzzling your face against his chest before looking up at him. Caressing his hair then rubbing your thumb along his nose and cheeks, you gave him a sleepy smile. "You're so handsome..."

Giving you the same smile, Choso caressed your forehead, placing his hand on the back of your neck as he kissed you once more, "you're beautiful..." he muttered. "So pretty... I'm so damn lucky..."

"Me too..." Enjoying the silence shared between you as you felt yourself more than ready to fall asleep, you then forced yourself up as you remembered something. "Choso! Your hair is still soaking wet!"

Letting out a small laugh, he sat up and reached for your hands, tugging you out of the bed with him, "then let's share a shower and you can dry my hair."

"Oh, I so won the bet against Gojo," Mei Mei said as she stood beside Utahime.

"Kinda predictable, but at least she's happy," Utahime said.

"And I helped!" Yuki beamed as the three of them watched you walk hand in hand with Choso across the courtyard of the campus. The biggest smile was on your face as Choso gazed down at you, almost as if it were a scene ripped from a rom-com.

"Ladies, now that Choso is taken, I'm available—"

"Save it, Mahito," Yuki raised a hand as the other two women beside her simply ignored the man. A laugh left Suguru as he was trailing beside Mahito, instantly gaining Yuji's attention. "But if Suguru is available..." teasing him with a wink, Suguru's eyes widened. "Men are so easy to toy with."

ONE YEAR LATER.

It was almost impossible to keep your hands to yourself. You always found yourself twirling Choso's hair around your finger, giving his bicep a small squeeze, hugging his arm, placing your palm on his thigh... it was rare for you not to be right beside him. Choso didn't mind, he never did, he loved how your touches felt. He welcomed them, actually. When you weren't touching him, even in the slightest way, he felt off. As if something was missing.

You didn't seem to care where you were. If he wasn't around, you'd patiently wait to see him again, knowing very well it would be you jumping him into a hug or pulling him into a needy kiss. You weren't sure who you had become within the year you had been with Choso, but it was so freeing.

Especially being able to do it in front of your parents.

They were not happy when they found out you had been secretly dating him for months without telling them, but their reaction didn't phase you. Actually, you were in the midst of moving out. Choso had offered you to stay with him—and although you were a bit worried at first—you couldn't have been any happier with your decision. Away from the two most troublesome people in your life, now living with the person you most adored, and your tiny best friend, Yuji. Yuji was the most ecstatic when he learned the news of you moving in. Already planning out things to do with you like movie nights and games to play together as well as other little things that made the boy happy.

Overall, you were happier than ever. Freer than a bird. And seeing the look of disgust on your parents face at dinner did nothing to stop you.

You didn't know why you did it, maybe it was because they were your parents, and maybe since you were a good person, you still visited every now and then. However, it was almost always with Choso. And they couldn't do anything about it.

"Well, we have to go pick up Yuji," you said as you stood from the now cleared out dinner table.

Choso followed in your lead as he felt you slip your hand into his. He was already used to your parents at this point and didn't bat an eyelash to their judgmental looks. Though, they were... improving. Slowly. The glares and scowls weren't so bad anymore. Wasn't his fault their little princess of a daughter fell in love with a terror like him. He loved her more than anything in the universe and nothing would change that. "Good night and thank you for dinner."

Gathering your purse and cardigan from where they hung, Choso opened the front door for you as the two of you walked right out. These nights always ended this way, you never waited for a response or some sort of action. In reality, these gatherings never lasted more than an hour. There wasn't much to say or do besides eat...

Climbing into Choso's car as the two of you let out a laugh you had been holding in, you gave his cheek a kiss before he backed out of the driveway and made his way to Nanami's. "It's the way your mom looks so disturbed when you hold my hand."

"And how my father bites his tongue whenever I give you the smallest of kisses," you chuckled. "A year and you'd think they'd move on. That's what happens when you have one kid. They should've had more."

"It's alright, they'll find a way to accept it... Eventually. In a decade or so," he said as you sighed, reaching over to hold his hand while resting your head against the seat.

"Whatever, at least my grandparents like you. My grandmother is always asking for you when I do my weekly calls," you snickered as Choso smirked. "She doesn't get why my mother is the way she is. She blames my father. Oh well, at least we've got their support."

"And our friends," he added.

"Mhm," you smiled. "That's all I need."

Eventually arriving at Nanami's home, you were greeted by said blond man trailing behind an excited pink haired boy. Yuji always had a habit of rushing out the moment you arrived, practically glued to the window whenever Nanami announced you two were on your way.

Helping the little boy into his car seat, both you and Choso greeted and thanked Nanami before the man bowed his head and closed the door for Yuji. Said boy smiled at you as you turned to give his hair a little ruffle before poking his ribs gently. "How was Nanamin's?"

"Fun! He helped me with my homework and then we had dinner with his family and then we played uno!" He said as you grinned. "And you?"

"Not as fun as it is being around you," you pouted, earning a giggle from the little boy.

"Choco's not fun?" He asked, earning a sigh from his big brother.

"Of course he is, he makes it all the better. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't there," you sighed as Yuji lifted his eyebrows, only to grin.

"Then I think I know what you have to do to make sure Choco is always there!" Yuji clapped his hands.

"What is it?" You curiously asked as Choso looked over.

"Get married!" He exclaimed.

Looking at one another, Choso shrugged, "he's not wrong."

Playfully rolling your eyes, you readjusted yourself on your seat as you went back to holding his hand. "Well, then I'll be waiting for you to propose."

an: so you've made it this far? thank you so much! i promise you it was worth it... how are feeling? it's dramatic, i know, but i love drama and angst as much as i love smut and fluff... reblogs are much appreciated! xo

[ageofbarbarians]

Study Nights // S.F.K & D.R.W

AgeOfBarbarians

A/N: this one is dedicated to @sparrowofthedawnsworld I have officially begun the fanfic wars(; I love you the mostest!! This is absolutely FILTHY. Like honest to god this is the filthiest thing I've ever written in my entire life. If there is weird typos i apologize cause i didn’t proof read this... anyway

enjoy(:

Summary: You get ahold of Danny and Sam to help you study for one of your college courses. Danny is absolutely relentless and won't let you finish until you get every question right. Things change when you get fed up and leave his apartment just to come home to yours and relax.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI! Smut, smut & more smut, Use of Toys, Masturbation, Oral (m&f receiving) Edging, Choking, Over Stimulation, Unprotected Sex, Hair Pulling, Degradation, Squirting, Slapping, Spitting

Word Count: 7.5k

M A S T E R L I S T

“Y/N, you need to study this is the whole reason you came over.” Danny shook his head. You looked up from your phone and shook yours.

“No, I think I’m okay.” You smiled as you showed Sam another TikTok.

“One more TikTok! We’re on a roll right now,” Sam pleaded. You both looked up at him trying to give him your best puppy dog eyes but you knew it wasn’t working. Danny sighed as he came over and grabbed your phone from your hand.

“Hey!” You tried reaching for it to get it back but you knew it was a lost cause.

You had texted Danny earlier in the day for him to help you study for one of the history classes you were taking. You had a final this week and some of the material you just couldn’t get down. Danny didn’t know shit about anything you were taking but he was still there to help you anyway.

“Study. Now. Let’s go.” Danny demanded. You sighed as you grabbed your various notebooks and papers. You set everything out along the table and crossed your arms as you waited for him to sit down.

Once he did, he shifted through some of the notebooks to find something to start with. He began reading questions and you answered them lazily since this little second was stuff you already knew. He praised you every time you get a question right with a simple ‘good job’ or ‘atta girl’. That part was slightly encouraging but you wanted nothing more than for this to be done and over with.

When you had texted Danny you never wanted to study. I mean, you did, and you didn’t. Most of it was just a sorry excuse to get out of the house and the other reason was just wanting to hang out with Danny and Sam. You didn’t need an excuse to do that, but they knew you had been putting off studying for your finals so it was one of the only things that would’ve worked.

Suddenly, hours had gone by and you were sick and tired of this. Everything you were going over seemed to just be on repeat and you just wanted to be able to hang out with the guys. You sighed as Danny asked you yet another question. The ones he had been asking you didn’t know the answers to since it was newer material. There was a slim chance it was going to be on the final but it was better to know it than not.

“Y/N, we’ve gone over this like seven times now.” Danny sighed as he threw your notebook on the table.

“I’m sorry! I’m trying, okay? All of this shit is the same to me.” You ran your hands over your face as you sighed with frustration.

“Can we just take a break?” Sam suggested but Danny shook his head.

You, Sam, and Danny, we’re studying for one of the classes that you had together. Well, more so you and Danny. Sam was there because he was bored and wanted some company. It was odd to you that they were even taking this class because it wasn’t even really a part of their prerequisites.

College wasn’t fun but you needed to do something with your life. They were both majoring in Music but you had one class together and you just seemed to hit it off really well and started spending the majority of your time together.

School had never been your strong suit and you never really wanted to go. You wanted to start working straight out of high school but you knew it wouldn’t get you super far. You had decided to go to college to major in History. It was one of your best subjects when you were in high school as well as one of the most fascinating so you figured you keep going with it.

“No. We aren’t stopping until Y/N gets this right.” Danny shook his head and grabbed his notebook again. You groaned as you laid back on the couch, your head falling into Sam’s lap. His hands gently made their way through your hair and the subtle action alone was enough to make you lose focus.

“Who was the ‘Father of History’ who dealt with the heroic theme of the great clash between the Greeks and Persians?” Danny asked as he read from the paper. You were silent, desperately trying to rack your brain for an answer but you couldn’t think of anything.

“Herodotus?” You asked softly, afraid of your answer being wrong.

“Yes! Okay, okay, good! The first of the great mathematicians whose book on the fundamentals of geometry became a standard text for the next 2,000 years was…” Danny waved his hand signaling for you the finish the question. Again, you were quiet for a minute before locking in your answer.

“Demosthenes?”

“No! Come on we’ve gone over this question so many times!” Danny groaned, throwing the notebook back down once again. You sat before you started putting your notebooks together and gathering all of your papers.

“Obviously I’m not going to get it, Danny! You won’t let me take a break and I don’t even see what the fuck geometry has to do with history! It doesn’t make any goddamn sense!” You threw the last of your stuff into your bag before throwing it over your shoulder. You grabbed your phone from the kitchen counter where Danny had sat it earlier and you started walking towards the door. 

"It's not that hard!" Danny shot back. You stopped and turned to face him.

"Maybe if you weren't being such a fucking prick I'd actually be able to get them right." You spat before you opened the door to walk it

“Y/M, c’mon don’t leave,” Sam said softly. He got up from the couch but before he could get to you, you were gone. You could hear Danny calling after you but you ignored it and went down to your car.

When you got in you tossed your bag into the back seat and threw the keys into the ignition and put it in reverse. Right before you pulled out of your parking spot Danny was at the main door of his apartment complex. You looked at him for a second before backing out and leaving.

Your drive home was quiet. You were too frustrated to put any music on and wanted to just enjoy your time in peace. You were tired of studying for hours on end, especially when you just couldn’t get the answers to some of these questions to stick in your head. You started to calm down during your quiet drive when, unfortunately, the peace didn’t last long when your phone started ringing.

“Fuck!” You screamed in the small enclosed space. You quickly declined the call and moments later you pulled into your apartment complex. You left your bag in the back seat, not even bothering to grab anything from it. You turned off your car and pulled the keys out of the ignition before getting out of the car and making your way upstairs to your door.

Your phone rang again and you pulled it out of your pocket to see it was Sam calling you. You declined his call and went inside. You went straight to the bathroom and started to run water for a bath. You dragged your fingertips through the running water as you waited to find your perfect temperature. Once you had everything set, you let it fill up. You looked into the mirror as you leaned against the counter. You could see the bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep from staying up studying. That was the main downfall of finals week.

You stripped yourself from your clothes and wrapped a towel around your body. You went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of random candles you had sitting out there and a lighter from one of your drawers. You took the candles and sat them around various points in the bathroom before lighting them and turning the lights off. You dropped your towel and stepped into the bath water. You sunk as far as you could, letting the warm sensation wash over your body.

You lied in there for about a half hour as you listened to the flicker of the candles and the occasional pop. You pulled the plug on the drain and stepped out onto the bath mat and picked up your towel, wrapping it around your frame as much as you could. This particular towel was the last one you had since you desperately needed to do laundry. It just barely covered your ass and you couldn’t even get it to close completely over your body. But it didn’t matter as you were just going to change and go to bed anyway.

You blew each of the candles out and walked into the bedroom. You dropped the towel onto the ground and decided to slip out on the clothes for tonight. You crawled onto your bed and sighed as you laid down. You had mainly taken the bath in the first place to train and calm yourself down but it didn’t work. There was only one other thing you knew would work and that was your best friend in your nightstand drawer.

You bit your lip as you debated if you wanted to go that route. You reached into the drawer and grabbed the black vibrator and clicked one of the buttons causing the vibrations to start. You ran it over your chest, over your swollen nipples, down your stomach and you hovered right over your clit, before making your way back up and repeating the process a couple of times. Goosebumps rose over your skin and you let out a soft sigh. You could feel yourself beginning to relax and you knew all it was, was sexual frustration.

It honestly had been a while since you had gotten laid, but you didn’t want causal one-night stands anymore. Most of the time they were boring and they couldn’t give you what you wanted. They only focused on themselves and you had never even came. It wasn’t worth it.

After you repeated the process of dragging the low vibrations over your body you rested the toy along your clit and you let out a quiet moan from the contact. You shifted your hips and bit your lips as you felt waves of heat course through your body. Your free hand toyed with your swollen nipples and you let out another soft moan. You turned the vibrations up a few notches and this time you let out a louder moan. Still quiet, but loud for you being home alone.

You could feel the knot in your stomach growing and you knew it would only take a minute or two before you reached your peak. You moved the vibrator through your folds and your legs began to shake. You were on the brink of tipping over when your bedroom door flew open.

“Y/N you’re being— oh shit,” Danny stopped himself in the doorway as he stared at you with wide eyes. You quickly turned your head to the side and it finally hit you what was going on. Sam and Danny stood in the doorway, stunned before you yelled at both of them.

“What the fuck!?” Danny shut the door behind him. You quickly tuned the toy off and threw it off to the side. You jumped off the bed and wrapped the towel you had used earlier around yourself before rushing out of your room. You caught Sam and Danny right as they were getting ready to leave but you pulled both of them back inside.

“What the fuck are you doing in my apartment!? You can’t just show up unannounced like it’s no big deal!” You yelled. Neither of them could make eye contact with you so you snapped in front of their faces to get their attention.

“Hello!? I'm talking to you, both of you!” You rested your hand on your hip and waited for a response from one of them.

“Well we wanted to make sure you were okay,” Sammy started.

“But clearly things were just fine,” Danny smirked and you felt your face get hot.

“That still doesn’t explain anything.” You shook your head trying not to focus on them walking in on you.

“You weren’t answering your phone and you always text us when you get home. You were being a brat and you just stormed out.” Danny ran his hands through his hair and shifted between both of his feet.

“I was busy! And I was not being a brat, you two just wouldn’t give me a fucking break. I can never finish anything around you two!” Your face was becoming hot with anger as you spewed the truth at them.

“But did you finish just then?” Sam asked with a devilish smirk. His question completely threw you off guard as you shook your head.

“W-what?” You stuttered and Danny turned to face Sam.

“You heard him. Did you finish before we came in?” He asked. They both stared at you and their gazes made you feel so small. You didn’t want to verbally answer their question so you just shook your head so softly it was barely even noticeable. Your face was hot again, this time from embarrassment. Danny and Sam looked at each other before Sam whispered into Danny’s ear. They had their own quick, quiet conversation before turning back to you.

“Why don’t we actually finish something since you stormed out earlier, hm?” Danny suggested. You looked at both of them in disbelief but the idea was oddly arousing. You could feel the wetness beginning to pool between your legs as you clenched your thighs together.

“Let us make it up to you,” Sam crossed his arms over his chest and they both observed every inch of your body. You bit your lip before turning around and walking down the hallway. You dropped the towel to expose your body and you stopped to turn and look at the two boys.

“If you’re gonna make it up to me, don’t disappoint me.” You continued to walk towards your bedroom but you were halted as you were spun around and pushed against the wall. Sam’s hand wrapped itself around your throat and your jaw went slack, a quiet moan coming out.

“Oh doll, you have no idea what you’re in for.” Danny cooed as he ran the back of his hand down the side of your face. His lips connected with your collarbone and you let out a soft sigh. Sam stared at your lips before meeting your eyes. You nodded your head as if you knew what he was asking without even saying.

Sam’s lips connected with yours as his grip slightly tightened around your throat. He nipped at your bottom lip and you felt his tongue slip past once he has the opportunity. Your tongue with his and you could help but tangle your hands in his hair. It didn’t last for long as your hands were pulled away and planted about your head.

“No touching unless we say, got it?” Danny commanded. You nodded your head but it wasn’t enough. Sam pulled away from you as he let his hand fall to the side, releasing the grip he had around your throat. Danny stepped in front of you and you avoided his intimidating gaze.

“That’s not enough, darling. We need words.” Sam tapped your cheek and you looked between the both of them.

“Yes, sir.” You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You were led towards your bedroom and the door was closed behind you as soon as you walked in.

“We’re going to use a system, okay? Green is everything is good, yellow means we need to take a step back, black means we stop entirely, got it?” Sam looked at the both of you and you nodded. This was one of the only times your silence was acceptable.

“Where’s that little toy of yours, hm?” Sam asked as he walked you back towards the bed. When your thighs hit it, you were signaled to get onto it. Danny was sitting on the bed and he patted his lap for you to come to sit with him.

“It’s almost dead.” You pointed towards your pillows where it had landed when you tossed it earlier.

“I guess we’ll just have to use it until it dies, hm?” Danny suggested. Your eyes went wide and from that moment you knew you were in for a ride.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” You looked between the both of them as you crossed your arms over your chest, trying your hardest not to think about what was to come. Sam slipped his shirt over his head and Danny did the same. You focus your eyes on both of them but directed your attention towards Sam as he popped the button of his jeans and you could already see how hard he was through the thick material.

“Come sit, baby. We’ll take care of it.” Danny patted his lap again and you crawled towards him. You sat between his legs as your back rested against his chest. His hand connected with your throat and you let out a deep sigh, more of your arousal pooling at your entrance at the contact. Danny tilted your head back and connected your lips with his, his grip on your throat still firm. Danny passed the vibrator off to Sam as he crawled onto the bed. You hadn’t even realized the subtle switch between the two of them.

It was crazy how much different it was kissing the two of them. Danny’s kisses were much more lust-filled and passionate while Sam’s were hungry and dominant. Danny seemed to be reading your mind as you pulled away from him and he gripped your jaw before turning your attention to Sam.

“Just because I’m gentle with you now doesn’t mean I will be later,” He whispered in your ear. You let out a soft moan from his words and closed your eyes. You could feel a set of hands trail up and down your thighs, only building the anticipation.

“Please do something,” you begged. It only took seconds before you heard the vibrator whirl and it was dragged along your entrance. You could feel yourself throbbing and you just needed more contact. You opened your eyes and looked at Sam below you running the toy through your soaked folds. He paused on your clit and you jerked your hips, causing Danny to hold you in place.

You gripped the duvet since you didn’t really know what else to do with your hands. Sam stared up at you with lust-filled eyes as he watched you get closer to your impending orgasm. Danny’s lips connected with your neck and you couldn’t help but close your eyes again and tilt your head to the side allowing him more access. Danny brought his thumb over your lip but you licked at him before wrapping him around your tongue. You could hear the sigh he let out and you hummed.

You could feel your legs begin to shake as you let out a whimper. You tried to move but Danny was still holding you in place. You looked down at Sam who had a smirk plastered on his face as he slowly moved the head of the vibrator against your clit. The band in your stomach was bound to snap but before it had the chance, the vibrator was pulled away from you.

“No, Sam, please, I-I was so close,” you whined but he just shook his head.

“You’re not getting off that easy, angel.” Danny tisked. You whined and Danny moved from under you. You lied back against the bed as you watch their every move. Danny unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his legs. The outline of his hard cock made you whine. Danny smirked before he hooked his thumbs on his boxers and pulled them down, letting his cock spring free. You about drooled at the sight of him.

“Does the pretty girl want a taste?” Danny pumped himself slowly a few times as you watched his every move. You nodded your head and he stepped in front of you. 

"Open," Danny commanded. You opened your mouth and he bent down to spit in your mouth before he closed it, waiting for you to swallow.

"Such a filthy girl. Like it when I spit in your mouth, hm?" You nodded as a blush rose across your cheeks. Danny tapped your cheek with two of his fingers and you opened your mouth again. He pressed his tip against you as you wrapped your lips around him. Your tongue swirled around his tip and he sighed. His fingers wrapped in your hair and you went further down his shaft. You bobbed your head up and down slowly as Danny praised you.

“So fucking good, taking my cock so well,” He ran one of his thumbs over the side of your mouth where you began to drool and he smeared it along your cheek. Sam hooked his arms around your legs before licking a bold stripe up your core. You moaned against Danny which caused him to hiss. You tried your hardest to look at Sam but Danny tapped two of his fingers against your cheek.

“Eyes on me, baby,” Danny spook lowly. You turned your attention back towards him and you looked up at him through your lashes. You sunk further down his shaft until you were still when he hit the back of your throat. Danny moved his hips slightly as he held your head in place.

Sam latched his mouth around your clit as he teased your entrance with two of his fingers. You whimpered which cause Danny to buck his hips a little harder, making you gag. Your eyes welled with tears and you took deep, heavy breaths through your nose.

Sam slowly entered two of his fingers and he curled them inside of you, hitting a spot nobody else ever had. You bucked your hips but Sam’s free arm came and pinned you in place. Your eyes screwed shut and you had to place one of your hands against Danny’s abdomen. You could feel the way his breaths were uneven and how warm he was. You could feel the knot in your stomach returning and it was only a matter of time before you unraveled around Sam’s fingers.

“Being so good just for us. You like being our little whore?” Sam asked. You moaned again and Danny pulled himself out of your mouth. You took in a deep breath and gasped.

“Fuck, yes. Fucking use me,” Your words were breathy as your back arched.

“You’re close aren’t you, baby? I can feel you clenching around my fingers,” Sam sighed and you nodded your head. His thumb connected with your clot for a few moments before he pulled his fingers out of you.

“Sammy no, please,” you whined. He smiled as he moved from the bed.

“Patience baby girl, we have all night,” Danny cooed. Danny went to the end of the bed next to Sam and slipped two of his fingers into his mouth as he looked you dead in the eyes. You watched his every move and you whined at the sight.

Danny slowly slipped his long, calloused fingers into your entrance and your mouth opened but no sound came out. Sam grabbed the vibrator again. Danny started with a brutally slow pace before he sped up his movements. Sam turned the vibrator up a few more notches and he slowly pressed it against your aching bundle of nerves. You let out a loud moan from being so sensitive. You so desperately wanted to look at the boys below you but you just couldn’t. Your eyes were screwed shut and your back was arched. You could feel your legs begin to shake.

“Do you wanna cum all over Danny’s fingers, hm? Do you think you deserve it?” Sam question. You nodded your head furiously.

“Please, please let me cum,” Your words were breathy and you were seconds away from spilling over the edge.

“Hmm, I don’t thank that’s good enough, what do you think Danny? Should we let our pretty girl cum?” Sam turned to him and Danny shook his head.

Our pretty girl.

“No, I don’t think she begged enough.” Danny shook his head and Sam removed the vibrator from your bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, please. You guys please let me cum, I need to so bad.” You whined as tears brimmed your eyes. The edging was the worst part but you knew it would be worth it in the end. Right now though? It was torturous.

“You can do better than that,” Sam shook his head as he place the vibrator on your clit for a split second before removing it. Danny never stopped his pace, he just curved his fingers up further and that alone could’ve made you come undone.

“Let me cum, please, I want to make a mess all over Danny’s fingers. I’ll be so good, so so good. Please, please please,” You whined hoping it would be enough.

Thankfully, it was as Sam put the vibrator against your clit again. You let out a pornographic moan and quickly covered your mouth with your arm. You bit down at the skin, almost hard enough to make yourself bleed.

“Let us hear those pretty noises, Y/N, don’t hold back now,” Danny encourages. Sam moved your arm and you looked at the two boys below you for a split second before tilting your head back.

“Fuck, I’m so close, I’m gonna-” you were gasping for air as your impending orgasm began to wash over you. Your eyes screwed shut and your jaw went completely slack. Danny’s fingers sped up as he helped ride out your high.

“Fuck,” Sam hissed as he watched you come undone. Finally, a moan slid past your lips as you felt your legs shake. Sam and Danny both held your hips in place. Danny slowed his movements before he slid his fingers out of you. He brought them to his lips and sucked all of your juices off with a moan.

Sam on the other hand never once moved the vibrator from your clit. You tried your hardest to move from him but they both held you in place. You could feel your second orgasm quickly approaching and you began to whine.

“Shit, Sammy,” you looked down at him as he watched the way your body rise and fell from your heavy breathing. You could feel the fire in the pit of your stomach building rapidly and you were seconds away from letting go.

“Let go for me baby, give us another,” Sam groaned. All you needed was his word before you let your second orgasm rip through you. You could feel yourself convulsing under the vibrations, but Sam never moved the vibrator. You looked at him and shook your head.

“Sam, please, I-I can’t,” you whimpered from the overstimulation and tried your hardest to move one more. Danny put more pressure on your hips with his free and Sam switched the vibrator with him. Sam repeated what Danny did earlier before. Sam inserted his pointer and ringer finger, the gap in between stretching you out. You tried your hardest to push Danny’s hand away but he grabbed it.

“One more for us, baby, please,” Danny pushed you against you harder and you could feel the vibrations slowly getting weaker. You thanked the gods that it was beginning to die but a part of you didn’t want it to end, no matter how sensitive you were.

“Fuck me,” you gasped as Sam slammed his fingers into you. Your third orgasm was teetering on the edge. You let out another moan and you turned your head towards the mattress to muffle yourself.

“Yeah? Is that what our little whore wants? Need us to fuck that pretty cunt?” Sam teased. You nodded your head vigorously. His filthy words were on the brink of spilling you over.

“Don’t cum yet, not yet,” Sam warned. You grabbed your breasts as something to keep your mind off cumming. Your breathing was heavy, beads of sweat lined themselves along your forehead and your legs shook violently.

“Sammy, Danny, please,” your whine was a borderline squeal as you tried so hard not to cum until they said so.

“Y/N, wait, not yet,” Danny shook his head but you couldn’t hold it any longer. A loud moan ripped through your chest as you came around Sam’s fingers. This one was more powerful than the last two and your hips felt tight. The vibrator died seconds later but Danny replaced the tog with his mouth and you bucked your hips from the sensitivity. Sam watched your already fucked out face as his jaw was slack. Danny bummed at the taste of you and your toes curled. Your legs continued to shake but the two boys continued their attack. They finally slowed their movements and Danny pulled away from your core, your juices glistening over his chin. Sam pulled his fingers from you and you whined at the loss of contact.

“You needy girl. You were just begging for us to stop and now your whining?" Sam raised a brow at you but you couldn't say anything. You lied there trying to catch your breath and compose yourself since you knew the night wasn't over. 

"On your knees, doll," Sam pointed directly in front of him and you obliged. You sunk to your knees below him and sat your hands on your tights. 

"Danny, hold her hair back, yeah?" Sam asked and Danny nodded his head. Danny sat directly behind you and pulled your hair away from your face. Sam unzipped his zipper antagonizingly slow and slid his jeans down his slender legs. You reached for his boxers as soon as he kicked his jeans to the side. You palmed him through his dark blue boxers. There was a darker spot that was almost black from where the precum leaked from his tip and the sigh made you drip all over again.

"Look at her, practically drooling," Danny shook his head before his lips connected with your neck. Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment as you continued to palm Sam through his boxers.

"Open for me, pretty girl," Sam dragged his hand along the side of your face and you looked up at him through your lashes. You so desperately wanted to take him in your mouth but you also wanted to see what he would do if you disobeyed.

"Do I need to repeat myself or are you going to start acting like a brat?" Sam raised a brow and you shrugged. Danny pulled your hair and your mouth opened slightly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, princess." He whispered in your ear before dragging his hand down your body. You continued to stare at Sam and he shook his head.

"Fine, we'll play that game," Sam laughed before his hand connected with your cheek ever so slightly. It was hard enough to leave a sting but not enough to cause you any physical pain. You watched his demeanor change for a moment as he searched your eyes for any sort of discomfort. When you looked at him with a wicked grin he about came undone right then and there.

"So fucking filthy. One more time, I said open," Sam grabbed your jaw and you did as you were told. You grabbed the base of him with one hand while you rested the other against his thigh. You swirled your tongue around his tip, tasting the beads of precum that leaked from him. You continued to look at him through your lashes as you sunk lower onto him. His mouth was open slightly and he ran his fingers through his hair.

Danny moved from next to you and lied on the floor behind you. He grabbed your hips and sat you on top of his face, his nose brushing against your sensitive clit making you jump slightly. He held your hips in place while his tongue attacked your entrance. You groaned as you tried your hardest to focus on Sam. You bobbed your head up and down against his shaft and he let out soft sighs. You took him all the way down the back of your throat and held him there until you gagged and you came up for air. You gasped as you tried to catch your breath, but soon continued your assault on him. Sam grabbed your hair and turned it into a makeshift ponytail. He held you in place while he bucked his hips into your mouth. You gagged around him as tears slid down your face. 

"You look so gorgeous while I fuck your face," Sam groaned and you moaned against him. You ground your hips against Danny's face and his nose repeatedly brushed against the sensitive bundle of nerves. Danny groaned which sent vibrations through your core. Lewd sounds of you gagging, Sam's moans and Danny's attack on your dripped core filled the room. The whole thing was pornographic but fuck, it was one of the best things you had ever done.

Sam pulled out of your mouth and you took in a deep breath. He took his cock in his hand as he watched your ride Danny's face. You watched him below you and your eyes met with his. His tongue was working absolute magic against you and you could feel the knot forming in the pit of your stomach. Sam walked away as he adjusted himself on the bed.

"Want to, fuck, want to ride you," You whined as you looked back at Sam. He pumped himself for a minute as you watched him before nodding his head. Danny tapped your leg to let you know it was okay to get up so. You stood up with shakey legs and crawled up to Sam. You wrapped your lips around him once more before lining your entrance up with his. Sam held the base of his shaft before slowly setting you down on him. Your mouth fell open as you felt the burn of him stretching you out.

"Fuck," You whined and he rubbed your thighs for a minute as you adjusted to his size.

"Okay?" He asked softly and you nodded your head.

"Fuck me, Kiszka," You slowly ground your hips against him before he sent a sharp thrust up into you. A loud moan flew past your lips that you were sure your neighbors would've heard. Sam held onto your hips as he brought you down to meet his thrusts. Your breasts bounced with each thrust he sent up into you. Another loud moan slipped past your lips and Danny came up behind you to place his hand over your mouth to silence you. Sam's free hand came up and wrapped itself around your throat and he squeezed the sides, restricting your airflow. You looked down and he smiled at your fucked-out state.

"Shh, pretty girl, can't let the neighbors hear." Danny nipped on your ear lobe as his hand traveled down your body. You brought your hand behind you and lazily searched for his cock. Once you found him you pumped him in your hand. Danny grabbed your jaw and connected his lips with yours to silence your moans. You whined and whimpered as Sam continued to fuck up into you. Danny's hand snaked down to rub your clit and you bucked your hips from still being so sensitive.

"Shit, Y/N," Sam moaned. You could feel yourself tightening around him and you knew your orgasm was fast approaching.

"If you don't stop squeezing around me I'm going to cum in that pretty little cunt of yours." Sam groaned and you moaned at his words. You pulled away from Danny and placed your free hand against Sam's chest and bounced on his cock. His eyes were heavy as he watched you bounce on him so effortlessly. He let go of your throat and you took a breath.

"What's stopping you?" You asked breathlessly. You purposely squeezed yourself around him and Sam hissed.

"Filthy fucking slut. Is that what you want? Want me to fill up that gorgeous pussy?" Sam bucked his hips up into you again and he hit an entirely different angle causing you to let out a groan that sounded almost animalistic.

"Fill me up, Sammy, please," You whined and he laughed at how filthy you were. He lifted your hips and he pulled out of you and you whined at the absent feeling of him.

"Did you think you were getting what you wanted that easily, baby? After being a brat earlier? I don't think so," Sam moved to the edge of the bed and pumped himself again. You watched as Sam focused on Danny for a second before he nodded his head.

"Hands and knees, angel," Danny placed his hand on your lower back and you followed his request. You could feel his tip sliding through your folds and you pushed back against him to feel some more contact, but he moved away from you.

"Awe, don't start with me too now." Danny hummed with disapproval and you turned your head over your shoulder to look at him. You arched your back and swayed your hips to taunt him. Before you could say anything, Sam grabbed your chin and turned you to face him. His tip was a raging pink and you knew he was getting close to his high.

"Open," Sam commanded. You opened your mouth and you stuck your tongue out in the process. He tapped his cock against your tongue and you couldn't help but smile up at him. He slid into your mouth and you wrapped your swollen lips around him. He moved his hips slightly and you moaned against him. You could feel Danny lining himself up at your entrance before he slid into. You gasped and gripped Sam's hip with one of your hands, trying to keep yourself somewhat stable with your other arm. Danny started with a slow, steady rhythm before snapping his hips into you. 

Your nails dug into Sam's side and he moaned as you clawed at his skin. He grabbed some hair at the nape of your neck and fucked himself into your mouth. You moaned loudly from Danny fucking into you at his brutal pace. He sent a sharp smack to your ass and you wince from the pain that was soon mixed with pleasure.

"Look at you, all fucked out, taking both of us so well. Is this why you had such an attitude? You just needed somebody to fuck it out of you?" Danny groaned and you swore your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

"What do you think Danny, think she needs the vibrator again?" Sam asked breathlessly. 

"I think so. I wanna see her make a mess all over my cock." Danny smirked as he moaned at you squeezing around him.

"Thought it was dead, didn't you? We plugged it in when you weren’t paying attention." Sam laughed dryly and you whined and took in a deep breath through your nose. You suddenly felt the vibrations of your vibrator against your clit and your legs almost gave out from under you if it weren't for Danny supporting your waist with his free arm.

Danny snapped his hips into you even harder if that was even possible and kept a firm grip against you. His fingers dug into your side and you knew he was bound to leave bruises. You whined uncontrollably as you could feel your orgasm quickly approaching. You could tell Sam was close too from the way his thrusts became sloppy. The room was filled with heavy breathing, skin against skin, and the filthiest of moans and whimpers. 

"Fuck, Y/N I'm gonna cum," Sam whined. You wanted to tell him you were too but there was nowhere you were getting away from his hold. 

"Look at me," Sam smacked your cheek again and you looked up at him with hooded eyes. You were trying your hardest to keep your eyes on him but they kept dropping. You felt another smack on your cheek and you looked at Sam once again. You could feel the knot in your stomach beginning to unravel, but it was stronger than any feeling you had felt before.

"Cum for me you fucking whore," Danny grunted and that was all you nodded before you tipped over the edge. You groaned loudly at how overwhelming the feeling was and soon realized you were dripping all over Danny's cock as well as your legs. 

"Fuck, Y/N," Sam moaned loudly as he stilled inside of you, his tip reaching the back of your throat as you felt the warm, salty liquid flow down the back of your throat. You swallowed every last little bit of him and his grip on your hair loosened and you pulled back against him before swirling your tongue around his sensitive tip. Sam hissed as he pulled away from you. Your head fell against the mattress and your back arched up further. Your legs shook as you felt your clit throb against the vibrator.

Danny pulled out of you before replacing his fingers and curving them. Your eyes screwed shut and you grabbed the comforter. You could feel yourself being stretched out more than before and you groaned as you sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth. 

"Cum for us one more time, angle, just like last time. You're doing so fucking good," Sam praised. You nodded your head as much as you could from your fucked out state. You could feel yourself beginning to slip but you just didn't have the energy to hold yourself up anymore. Sam and Danny hit that spot inside of you repeatedly and with the vibrations, you came undone around both of them. You felt two tongues come in contact with your core and you moaned so loud it could've put a pornstar to shame. You felt more of the wetness drip down your legs and you could feel yourself ready to collapse at any second.

"Open for me baby, one more time," Danny requested. You opened your eyes and opened your mouth for him. He quickly fucked your face, hitting the back of your throat multiple times before stilling and cumming down the back of your throat. Sam continued to lap at your sensitive core as he rubbed fast circles against your clit. Danny pulled himself out of your mouth and you whimpered as tears slid down your face from the overstimulation.

"Sammy, I can't," You tried to move from his touch but he held you in place.

"One more, one more good one for us, sweet girl, and I promise that's it," He sighed. You moaned into the mattress, but even that couldn't suppress your pornographic sounds. Your orgasm hit you like a truck as you came one last time around Sam's finger. Even with your blacked-out vision, you started seeing stars. You became light-headed and you felt your body collapse against the bed.

"Holy fuck," Danny whispered as he let out a breath. You felt the loss of contact as Sam slowly slid his fingers out of you. You shuddered and you took in a deep breath trying your hardest to regain your composure. You heard your bedroom door open and footsteps leave the room. A moment passed and you heard the door close again. You felt a warm rag against your core and you shifted your hip as you whimpered. 

The bed dipped next to you and you felt the blankets being moved. A set of arms wrapped themselves around your waist and adjusted you on the bed. You could barely open your eyes.

"How are you feeling, pretty girl?" Sam asked softly. You hummed and adjusted your head against his chest. The other side of the bed dipped next to you and Danny started rubbing slow, mindless patterns against your back.

"I don't know what planet I'm on right now." You mumbled as your eyes closed. Sam and Danny both laughed. A hand started rubbing the back of your head and you let out a sigh of comfort.

"I think we should make our little study nights a thing more often." You could hear the smile in Danny's voice as you smiled against Sam's chest.

"We would fail every single one of our classes," Your voice was hoarse and you felt Sam's chest vibrate with a small laugh. It was silent for a while as the three of you laid there in silence. You could feel the ache in your core and you knew tomorrow your legs and hips would be beyond sore. 

Sam's breathing was shallow and you knew he was already fast asleep. You could feel your breathing get shallower as well, but before you fully fell asleep you heard Danny speak up from next to you.

"Y/N?" He said softly as he kissed the top of your head and you hummed. His arm wrapped around your waist and you could feel him press against your back.

"The answer was Euclid."

[queencoldart]

Back to school update

Hey everyone,

I hope you all had a good summer. Mine did not go as planned. I guess after I took my finals my body noticed that I wasn't pushing myself anymore and decided to release all of the pent up pain and stress I'd been ignoring to get through my prerequisite courses at once. So for the first week-and-a-half or so, I was just out of commission. Then PMS happened... (I still don't have meds, btw)

I've been playing catch-up with housework and I've had to basically constantly harass my health insurance provider to, y'know, provide. They're playing games and I'm considering taking legal action at this point.

I planned on creating a lot more art but between feeling like garbage most of the time and having the hardest time sketching the two commissions I took, I didn't get much out of my arthritis-riddled fingers. Speaking of which, I will take no more commissions after my next piece. I'm just not going to have the time. If I do, it's going to be limited to commissions from friends only.

I will also stop taking Patreon donations after this month. Not because I will stop drawing, I'm not planning on stopping, but because I don't know how many fully finished art pieces I can guarantee each month now that my major proper has started. I know I will have a job as soon as I graduate, too, so it's not like I'll have all the time in the world to draw after I finish school. To those of you who have donated, I really truly appreciate your support over the years!

That's basically it for now.

[astarionsbeloved]

Iliana Amastacia as a BG3 Companion!

Baldur's Gate 3 Companion!Tav Ask List

What if your Tav was a recruitable companion, instead of the main character?  (contains major spoilers for the game, and for some dark urge runs as well)

General

Where can your Tav be recruited?  Are they first encountered on the Nautiloid, or in the Nautiloid crash region?  Or are they not recruitable until a later act?

100% you'd find her at the grove. You'd first meet her during the combat at the gate. Directly after, she can be found helping Alfira with "the weeping dawn". If you miss her in the wilds, your second act 1 chance would be in the underdark at the myconid colony. If you missed her THERE, you'd be able to find her in Act 2 at the last light in, bunked with Isobel and writing the history of the shadow curse. 

Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?

Astarion: Well, this is....this is unexpected. I. Well, Our new friend, They are   not...unfamiliar to me. Lae'zel: t'chk. What use is music at a time like this? Shadowheart: Never trust a bard. Though, she does have lovely hands, they look very....dexterous. Karlach: A NEW FRIEND YAY Wyll: Ah, yes, I've seen them perform. I was a mere lad, then (he continues to muse on her performances throughout the city). Though, I could have sworn she was in Lorroakan's employ… Gale: Bards, now, THERE is an interesting topic! Their ability to manipulate the weave using song and poetry, truly, is inspiring. I wonder if (he trails off, tapping his index finger on his chin, and never finishes his sentence) Halsin (if you find her in Act 2): Such a soothing presence and calming voice. Truly, a fine addition to our group. 

Does your Tav have any comments or advice when you recruit other companions? 

Only with Minthara. If the player recruits her, Iliana would likely need to be talked into staying. There would be a high (like 30) persuasion roll to keep her in the party if the player recruits Minthara in Act 2.

What sort of general actions raise or lower their approval?

Iliana is chaotic good, so good aligned choices will make her happy and intentionally evil choices will drop her approval fast, I'm talking huge drops for things other characters would consider a mild annoyance. Oddly, using the tadpole will raise her approval (much like Astarion)

Are there any instances where your Tav can permanently leave the party, depending on player character actions?

Any truly evil plot choices will make her leave. In Act 1, siding with the goblins to slaughter the grove (if, somehow, Iliana isn't in the party, she and Halsin {if he survived the goblin camp} will show up at the Tav camp to engage in a fight. If Halsin isn’t alive, and Iliana isn’t at the grove during the slaughter, she will know about it in act 2 and attack Tav). Also in Act 1, if Tav hands Astarion over to the Gur, she will leave / attack the player/ attack the Gur. In Act 2, last light inn destruction and nightsong death will lead her to leave or turn on the party. Act 3, if Tav decides to hand over Aylin to Lorroakan, Iliana will fight against Tav and the party.

Do they have any secrets that can be revealed?  What are the prerequisites for this secret coming to light?

Iliana's hair is so big because it's full of secrets. If you have Iliana when talking to Rolan at the grove, when he mentions Lorroakan, you might notice her flinch, this would start to lay out the path to learn her past. The other secret, well, you'd have to get her and Astarion talking. In Act 2, She'll have a violent reaction to finding out the nightsong is a sentient being and do anything to protect Aylin. Act 3, you'll find out what she went through with Lorroakan.

Do they have their own personal quest that spans the course of the game?  Can it take different branching paths depending on the choices the Player Character makes?

Iliana's personal quest would be called "The Songbird of Candlekeep" with a secondary quest called "old friends". "The Songbird of Candlekeep" gives you the option to literally sell her back to her master (or any of the Wizards looking for her), bargain her away to a devil, or free her. She has a secondary quest, "Old Friends" :3

What do they say when the Player Character asks them to stay in camp?  How about when the Player Character asks them to come adventuring again?

When asked to stay in camp: I need to work on my manuscript anyway. When asked to head back out: Now? Like right now? *frantically shuffling papers and moving instruments out of the way*

Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?

Nah, she's pretty laid back. She and Astarion have a hefty bit of history so there's story, but not violence.

Are there any unique NPCs associated with your Tav that can show up during the course of the game?

In Baldur's Gate, she'll be recognized by people frequently. Volo will know her "Ah, my darling apprentice!" to which she will roll her eyes and reply "I studied with you for less than four hours, Volothamp."

Are there any moments in the game that trigger unique dialogue for your character? (Like Gale’s anecdote about the barfight after you save the goblin prisoner) 

She has SO MANY little stories and anecdotes! 

Story Specific

How does your Tav advise the player character when it comes to the Dream Visitor?

When it comes to the dream visitor, Iliana will trust them a little too easily. They promise freedom, and well. That's something she wants. For her and her friend.

How do they advise the player character on Raphael?

Raphael owned Iliana for a time. He was kind to her (as kind as someone like him can be to a "toy"), but she will advise against taking his bargain. The player will have the ability to sell Iliana back to him. Haarlep will be overjoyed at her return, and Raphael will be pleased to have something to use to barter with others.

How do they react to Astarion biting the Player Character?

"Vampires deserve to eat too". She readily offers her own blood.

How do they react to the Player Character letting Abdirak whip them?

Entranced. She goes second.

How do they react to the Player Character taking their first tadpole power?

Supportive but suspicious of power given so easily.

Will they stay with the Player Character regardless of siding with the goblins or the tieflings, or is it possible for them to leave the party permanently?

Iliana turns on Tav if they side with the goblins/the absolute.

What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party?

At the Tiefling party, she'll be playing music and singing. Towards the beginning of the party, it's bawdy...the later the party goes, the softer her music becomes, till it's almost a lullaby and Halsin is asleep nearby.

Do they have comments on who the Player Character chooses to spend the night with? 

Oh, they absolutely do. "You'll have to let me know how it goes, later". She's a bard....and rather, you know, classically horny bard at that so she'll probably have a lot of creative things to say. I promise you, she'll be hooking up with someone after the party as well (Likely, if the player isn't romancing them, Astarion. if the player IS romancing Astarion, she'll go for Gale or Shadowheart. She will absolutely have an exclamation point over her head the next day to spill the tea for her bestie)

Do they have unique dialogue if the Player Character lets them die when they steal the Blood of Lathander?

Yes, she lets forth a string of vicious mockery attacks, bringing the player to 1hp, which a recently revivified Astarion stands by, applauding.

How do they react if the PC licks the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar?

Romanced: "I'm not kissing you again until you brush your teeth. No, don't look at me like that. NO. NO NO NO *physically pushes Tav away*" non-romanced: "Sometimes, I wonder if you were always this way, or if the tadpole made you so"

What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?

In a low, gravelly growl "I do not relish this, and you will pay dearly for it. I hate clowns, oh, I hate clowns." she repeats, quietly, "creepy clown" as she walks up to the stage, and keeps her distance as though the clown's very aura offends her.

Is it possible for your Tav to be kidnapped and replaced by Orin?  How is Orin's deception revealed?  How do they react to the PC rescuing them in the Temple of Bhaal?

I like to think she wouldn't be kidnappable. She's been through a lot of being held against her will already.

How do they react to the PC either allowing Astarion to ascend or convincing him to spare the 7000 spawn?

Huge approval loss for allowing, small approval gain for sparing. This is because "spare" should be the reasonable thing and doesn't really deserve a reward, in her mind. If Tav allows Astarion to ascend, she gives Astarion and Tav a lot of space after. It would take her a long, long time to forgive either of them that evil.

How does Tav react to the PC becoming a mind flayer?  Can they offer to become one themselves?  Does their reaction change if they’re romanced? 

Iliana cannot offer herself up to be a mindflayer, but she absolutely still adores Tav just the same if they undergo the change. If Tav is romanced, Iliana will stay with them, but it'll take some adjusting.

How do they react when the Dark Urge first reveals their amnesia and murderous thoughts to them?

I feel like Iliana would softly touch the Durge’'s temple with one hand and their heart with the other and say something like "You get to decide who you are and how you behave. I'm here for you, and I'll help you."

How do they react to the Dark Urge killing Alfira?

Approval dip, but then understanding and scolding. Durge couldn't fight it. Iliana would bury Alfira and write a poem for her.

If romanced, how do they react to the Dark Urge trying to kill them in Act 2?

Calmly. “We’ll get through this, my love”. Iliana has dealt with a lot, and while perhaps no godlike killing rage, but she's dealt with people who wanted to inflict pointless suffering. Keeping Durge tied up till morning, she'd sing, softly, and maybe weave some higher level illusion magic around them to try and soothe them.

Romance

Is your Tav a romanceable character?  Are there any specific requirements to romancing them?

Iliana would be romanceable. Player must be mostly good aligned, romance wouldn't be active until AFTER Tav saves the Tieflings, though she would be flirty prior.

Does your Tav need to be flirted with to start the romance, or will they approach the PC themselves if approval is high enough?

She'll be flirty, but the player flirting WITH her initiates it. She's just flirty. It's just how she is.

Are they a polyamorous or a monogamous option?

Poly, all the way, but they'd be okay mono as well. their Poly preferences are Halsin, Gale, Astarion, and Shadowheart. They can be convinced into Poly with the others, but it takes persuasion rolls if her opinion of the other origins is high enough. She _will_ interact with the other partner.

Do they have a special romance scene at the tiefling/goblin party?

They do have a special romance scene! It's soft and explicit at the same time.

Does the romance have different branching paths, or just one route to take?

Really only one romance path, however, Iliana has a lot of hard boundaries (SO MANY, as can be seen throughout this) and if they are crossed she breaks up with Tav.

How do they react to the player character breaking up with them, or choosing another character over them?

Iliana would understand, say "too bad, really, but I'll still write poems about you", and relegate them to friendship. She will start to flirt more openly with the rest of the party :D

What questions can Zethino ask the PC about Tav in the Love Test? 

Probably EXACTLY the same questions as asked about Astarion

If they’re poly, do they have a reaction to the PC engaging in a relationship with Halsin?

She'd be so supportive of a Halsin triad, and she would def want to be involved.

How do they react if the PC has sex with Mizora? The Emperor?  Haarlep?

Approval dip for sleeping with Mizora but no words spoken, cheeky questions for sleeping with the emperor, and sympathy for sleeping with Haarlep.

Will they join in with the PC and the Drow Twins, or no?

They absolutely would, enthusiastically. 

What are Tav’s plans for the future?  Do they propose to the PC, or is marriage not something they’re interested in?

Iliana has a lot of things to do, some of them to do with another origin and her quest. She could probably be convinced to “settle down”, especially if the poly path has been taken. 

Free space! Share anything from your companion!Tav au!

I have already said far too much. 

[artdecosupernova-writing]

Okay, damn! It's time.

I'm looking for beta readers for book three of the Darkspace Portent series, Thriving: Rebirth! There is no limit to how many readers I'll accept. And I'm tagging @drippingmoon because I'm fairly certain I'd be beaten within an inch of my life if I didn't 😩 (kidding of course)

Prerequisites:

18+ only, for the love of god

you don’t have to be following me!

must have read the published versions of books one AND two (for feedback clarity)—you can find purchase links here

What I’m Looking For:

Here's a questionnaire for you! Please read everything carefully!

I can provide the draft by sending you:

an email with the file type of your preference (I can do .pdf, .docx, .rtf, and .odt), AND/OR

a link to a Google Doc of the draft created just for you (meaning no one else has access to that copy but you)

If you're interested, you can reach out through tumblr or discord! My discord username is artdecosupernova and I'm willing to add people who aren't interested in beta reading as well.

Things to Know:

▷ Should you receive a Docs link, I ask that the comments feature be used ONLY for commentary you may have, and to keep critique/feedback in the questionnaire. That said, of course, commentary is NOT required (but I love it 😁).

▷ Rebirth has MATURE CONTENT, including but not limited to drug mention/use, scenes of a sexual nature, and violence. Please keep in mind!

▷ I have not had the patience or the spoons to make this draft sound pretty. Things like word choice and repetitive words and sentence structure (I don't even have the spoons to properly figure out what the hell I'm trying to say) will be dealt with after the beta reading process cuz I'm gonna need the break lmao

What is Thriving: Rebirth?

After waking up on a strange planet to a full-on war between what have become the Consortium worlds and an alliance hell-bent on taking control of the Milky Way, Warren falls into a brand-new existence while getting used to being mutually in love with Thrive. The two of them embark on a mission to round up a team of elite individuals with the purpose of taking down the Blue Prince Hyret, the Morrite head of civil unrest, all while the Emmuli start to reach out directly, toying with Thrive and Warren’s sense of security and reality.

Bonus Content:

All beta readers will get exclusive BONUS SCENES (unedited and as-is) in your format of choice (Docs, .pdf, etc.). They are part of one file and will be titled and separated so hopefully you'll be able to jump to/skip any scene you'd like.

(There will be explicit bonus scenes! I've labeled them so they're easy to avoid (or find 👀))

As of posting this I have not quite finished the bonus content, but rest assured it will get to you. It's hella spoilery, so, sending it to you when you're done would probs be better anyway.

Deadline (⚠IMPORTANT!⚠):

...There is none. If you're committed but busy, that's totally fine. If you need time to buy and read the first two books, go for it. All I ask is that you give me some updates here and there about progress so I know what's going on.

[istumpysk]

Greetings Stumpy

I recently finished a Cersei reread and used your summary notes on her chapters in Feast Dance and the YMBQ post as reference and I noticed something peculiar. The main argument that is used to rule out both Margaery and Sansa as YMBQ candidates is that Cersei thinks of them as such and therefore they could not possibly be the YMBQ. This a fair and decent reasoning only that Cersei never thinks of Sansa as possibly being the one to take her down. One argument could be that when Sansa leaves Kings Landing, she is not a queen whereas Margaery is a queen during AFFC when she comes under Cersei's radar as YMBQ.

The interesting thing I noticed that inspite of Cersei putting a hit on Sansa after Joffrey's death, she is not scared or frightened of her like she is with Margaery. She hates her and wants her to be executed for her son's death but there is no fear directed towards Sansa which is odd considering fear is the primary factor that is taken into account when Cersei interprets Margaery as YMBQ. After all its a prophecy about someone taking her down alongwith everything she loves. Another interesting thing is that the Purple Wedding reinforces and strengthens Cersei's view of Tyrion as the valonqar but not Sansa as YMBQ considering this is the event that spirals Cersei's doom in the upcoming book. Though an argument could be put forward that its not the Purple Wedding but Tywin's death that makes Cersei zero on Tyrion as the valonqar but its also not far fetched to think her eldest son's death could have rekindled her view of Tyrion as valonqar only for Tywin's death to completely confirm him (Tyrion) in her eyes as the valonqar. Another thing is that the Tyrells as an extension is the one she tries to put the blame on for Joffrey's death which again she is correct about and through this she zeroes on Margaery as YMBQ because she is a Tyrell and also a Queen at the time of Joffrey's death but no correlation between Sansa and the prophecy and the Purple Wedding in Cersei's eyes.

Your post on ordering of the figures that appear in Quaithe's prophecy of warning to Dany about how the placeholders can shift or are not exactly how Dany interprets them to be or in truth the fandom as a whole is crucial if we take into consideration of how the fandom interprets candidates for YMBQ. For example the fandom thinks Quentyn as Sun's son and Aegon as the Mummer's dragon and their interpretation is not incorrect but the alternate interpretation of Aegon and Sun's son and Jon as Mummer's dragon is also an intersting choice and the latter can be exactly how things actually are while everyone believes the former is how things are meant to be.

Same can be said for YMBQ that Sansa was never a queen but for the first two books, it was considered that she would take the role of Queen Consort. It signifies that she was never a queen so in a way George takes her out of consideration as possible candidate for YMBQ and this is an argument that is used to rule out Sansa because the first prerequisite according to them is to be a queen and Sansa never became one and was replaced by Margaery. This argument is also favourably used for Dany who is a queen or Jeyne Westerling who was a queen or Arianne who could be a future queen to Aegon while taking each of them into account as possible candidates for YMBQ instead of Sansa. The thing is Sansa was never a queen but she was in line to be.

Speaking of fear, Cersei also does not want to break Joffrey's betrothal to Sansa when Littlefinger suggests the Small Council to do so. He gives good reason about how a daughter of a traitor and sister to a rebel would not make an appropriate candiadate and instead suggests Margaery as it would bring Tyrells under the fold of the Iron Throne so that they can battle Robb and Stannis. Of course there is the whole thing about Littlefinger wanting Sansa for himself and trying to put a wrench in her betrothals but the advice was good nonetheless. Cersei does not like it and its taken as a proof that she is delusional. But there is an alternate angle of threat of YMBQ and Sansa is someone she actually has under control, a non threatening pawn and replacing her with a new person in her place would undo all her work of removing any possible threat. Its not like she knew anything about Margaery and she is only a few years older than Sansa. Her being not at all fearful of Sansa could actually mean why she was against breaking her son's betrothal to Sansa even though they are in desperate need for more men to thwart Stannis.

I still believe that the YMBQ is a self fulfilling prophecy but still Sansa feels like a very strong candidate. Cersei despises, hates, bullies Sansa but she is not threatened by her even though she thinks Sansa helped her son getting killed. Very interesting series of feelings considering fear is the primary factor which spirals her into this black hole of prophecy and would explain why Cersei never thinks of Sansa as YMBQ inspite of accusing her of murdering her darling boy.

For Cersei, the misdirection could be that Sansa was never in a position to threaten her so she cant be the YMBQ even though according to her she killed her son and for the readers, the misdirection could be Sansa never held the title of Queen and so she cannot be the YMBQ even though she was in line to hold one. Classic case of it was and it wasn't while interpreting a prophecy. The typical George "Yes and No" remark when it comes to interpreting his text and especially prophecies are always very ambiguous.

Greetings Nimble,

You make compelling arguments!

It's definitely a point in Sansa's favour that Cersei spends the first half of the series dismissing her as a threat, but I can't help but think it's entirely possible the prophecy was created by the author after the events of A Storm of Swords to mirror Daenerys' little journey to the House of the Undying.

Personally, I subscribe to the notion of a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which the choices of younger Cersei ultimately lead to the downfall of older Cersei. If that interpretation is incorrect, I would agree Sansa is the most logical choice. That's what I believed prior to rereading the series. :)

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

help i need you to send my mom a list of reasons why it's not a good idea to be a biochem major because she's been subtly hinting for a few days that it's a good idea 😭

Good question

IDK about anywhere else but I heard that biochem in my region actually has the highest su*cide rates so there's that.

It's chemistry intensive despite the bio in the name, so if chemistry isn't your strong point then avoid this one.

In terms of med school, BCH is a textbook application major

Highly competitive (for no reason).

It's one of the more expensive majors compared to just Biology and Chemistry (I can't speak for engineering majors).

The career outlook after college for Biochemistry is, surprisingly, limited. If you're not going to apply to med school, you're best option is really only research if you intend to use your degree to apply for jobs.

The ratio of class to study time is recommended 1:2 (An hour of class time correlates to 2 hours of studying) and since BCH is a study intensive major you can practically kiss free time goodbye depending on your course load.

Although BCH fills out your prerequisites, it's hard to shove in extracurriculars while taking this major considering the above ratio, of course it is possible, but it's still harder. Furthermore it's hard to take different courses outside of your coursework.

IDK about your case, but in mine if I, a BCH major, wanted to switch to any engineering major I'd have to retake all of my GE courses because they're in two different colleges. I'm in the Natural/Agricultural Sciences college and Engineering has it's own college so I'd be set back two years from my initial graduation date because I'll have to retake those GEs (which would be a fucking pain

In that vein, even our upper division/major specific classes will be different so that would be a pain for me too considering that I've finished my GEs already so yeah

And those are the ones I can think off the top of my head lol but fr if your mom is slowly trying to get you to change majors just stick with what you're comfortable with. You're the one going to school, not her. But feel free to modify this list a little, it's tailored according to my understanding in my college and I'm not sure how different yours is but at least this is a template!

[dasklaus]

I love my master's program ("philosophy - neuroscience - cognition") very much. It's fun, it's interesting, I'm learning most of the things I want to, and it's small and tight-knit (only one other person starting the program with me this year), I met so many people that all remember my name because we can all expect to run into each other again. But there's also some weirdness that I expect comes from the fact it's a very new program (existing for ten years or so?) at a very new university (thirty years or so) and interdisciplinary (with courses at three different institutes, with different procedures and deadlines and, of course, scheduling conflicts).

I am taking, among other things:

Project Cognitive Neuroscience - this is a weird name for an intro to programming, but that's what it is. Taught in two groups, one learning Python, the other MATLAB. In a follow-up class that I can take next semester, I could then use these skills to work on an actual small empirical study, utilizing data from surveys, fMRI, eye trackers or possibly other tools. I do want to dip my toes into empirical science, but with five years of job experience in software development, it's pretty boring (though the teacher is sympathetic). It's a pretty slow class as most of the other students (mostly neuroscience students) have never written a single line of code in their life.

Computational Neuroscience - this is a lecture plus exercises. The lecture covers neuroscience, the exercises are calculating the stuff the lectures talk about with MATLAB. In contrast, at least one course of MATLAB and also a bunch of math is presumed here. I take this together with the upper semesters of bachelor students, but for me it's an orientation class to bring me up to speed, as my BA is in philosophy. It took me six hours to get MATLAB installed and running because afaict it's really buggy on linux, I'm the only linux user in class, and as it's a class for higher semesters nobody bothered to walk us through the installation and setup.

This is a weird pair of classes in that the course I'm supposed to be taking for "orientation" is much harder than the "advanced" one (though not really hard for me, once I finished the setup - but my one fellow first-semester classmate is freaking out, a bit).

Introduction to Nervous Systems - this is wonderful and the lecturer is amazing. It's a bit slow but never boring, and really drives home important concepts, explaining the basics in a way that makes you really understand. It's another orientation class and we take it together with the first-semester bachelor students.

Fundamentals of Cognitive Neuroscience: Perception - super interesting, but I had to drop it after the first week. It'd be my fourth consecutive class on Thursday, and we take it together with psychology and neuroscience students. The lecturer made clear that he expects the knowledge base of a biology degree, and also starts classes by letting a random person summarize the day's reading for twenty minutes. Most people fail this class on first try, and there is no interest whatsoever even acknowledge participants from my program. I'll leave this one for later semesters.

Basically, there's absolutely no consistency in what a course's prerequisites are, at which level it's taught and what the teacher's expectations are.

Another thing that threw me is that the philosophy courses are very stingy with credit points. To finish in time, I'd have to write three to four term papers every semester, along with essays, presentations, protocols. I don't know what's normal but the one time I wrote two consecutively I was going a bit crazy. Four is unthinkable - I need at least two weeks of warming up to a topic and then two weeks of intense focus for research and writing (this is pretty much independent of the number of pages to write). Unsurprisingly, I've heard that basically nobody finishes within two years.

Still, I'm starting out with an ambitious schedule and will see whether I need to drop anything else later on. Socially, I'm already much better connected as I ever was in my home town. I think it's because the program is so small, and especially the first semester bachelors are looking up to me for my previous studying experience, and my non-studying experience makes me automatically cool and wise, it seems.

[dalgaardsnider]

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[slugdragoon]

RPG Role Analysis Series #10 - Dragon Quest VI

So, I just finished Dragon Quest VI, and I have some thoughts. It exhibits both good and bad class design philosophies, in my opinion, but ultimately does not work overall (to be clear, I mean the class system, which I am taking a look at, not the entire game).

DQVI has a vocation system, which means any character can be assigned any job, but each character also has inherent traits that strongly suggest a role for them. I like this generally. I liked it in Final Fantasy X when each party member had access to the same Sphere Grid, but with different starting positions such that is takes more effort to make, say, Lulu something other than a black mage.

While I tend to prefer RPGs where characters have their own role that is informed by the character, as well as RPGs with class systems where you fully define your own party and their roles, for RPGs with defined characters, I prefer it not to be completely open, even if their roles are extremely flexible, but I want their personality and design to suggest something in terms of their gameplay. This is why, as brilliant as Final Fantasy VII is, I do feel that the materia system allows you to turn any character into anything, with only minor differences regarding stats and Limit Breaks, and I prefer FFVI and FFIX where characters have a job. X felt like a great compromise, where you could jump all the way across the skill tree, but there were limited opportunities to do so.

So, in theory, I like that DQVI has party members gain abilities on level-up, distinct from their chosen vocation, that the equipment they have access to is tied to the character, not the job (also makes reorganizing equipment on a vocation change convenient), and of course their stats are different. So, the characters themselves have enough to suggest a role, and then you put another one on top of it.

My problem is this: the game's abilities are imbalanced because some really necessary abilities are spread across multiple jobs such that each character really needs to master multiple to beat the game. With the exception of Carver, who stayed my main damage dealer, I did not feel my party had distinct identities by endgame, but instead all needed access to a full-party heal spell (either Hustle Dance or Multiheal), access to revival (Kazing), and reliable damage. Also, charatcers get abilities that exist within vocations by level-up, which suggests that's their role, and their stats match, but taking the vocation is technically redundant because they do not learn the same ability twice, and barring Carver's Double Up and a plot-related spell for Ashlynn, character abilities are pretty quickly overshadowed.

The vocation tree looks like this: You have to master multiple basic jobs in order to combine them and get the corresponding advanced job. Theres's a cycle of 4 basic jobs (Warrior/Martial Artist/Priest/Mage) That each combine with two possible neighbours to make a cycle of 4 more advanced classes, but each has 1 member in the cycle it cannot combine with. There are two separate mini-trees (Gadabout + Dancer = Luminary) and (Thief + Monster Master + Merchant = Ranger) that have nothing to do with that cycle, and don't offer an easy pivot to anything within it. Hero is a special job that is accessible by anyone if they master Luminary, Ranger, Sage, and Gladiator, which means they have to master 13 jobs first (that won't happen). However, the main protagonist can become a Hero by only mastering one of these advanced jobs. You keep all of the abilities from any job, so advanced jobs are just fully combined skill lists of the previous jobs, plus whatever you get from the new class, but Hero can be a bit different depending on what path the protag took to get there. There are also two special monster classes that are accessible via an item, but have no class prerequisites.

Combining classes is really cool, but there's a few issues with doing it this way. Keeping prereq class abilities means every class in the cycle overlaps a third of it's skill list with another class, and another third with a different class. For example, for Sage, you have all the Priest skills, but so does the Paladin, and the Armamentalist has all of your Mage skills. If you master an advanced class, that's 3 (2 basic, 1 advanced done), but you can pivot within the cycle by doing less in the future, just by going around it. For example, the Sage can take Martial Artist and then Paladin and then if they master Warrior later, they unlock 2 advanced classes at once. However, switching between the cycle and either Ranger or Luminary trees, or between those two offers no contribution to their advancement. Ranger, for some reason, takes the most effort even though it's one of the worst classes. If you invest 4 vocations masterings into Ranger, there's no easy way to pivot out. Luminary is good, but you also kind of require one or two for Hustle Dance, except that you probably also want them to be Sages because that's where you get Multiheal and Kazing, (not strictly exclusive) Magic Barrier and Oomph.

Sage has so many key healing and buffing spells, 3 out of 4 of my frontline party took Sage. The exception was Carver, and he carried DPS the whole game with Double Up, which makes every other physical attack skill basically obsolete. This is one case where an inherent trait of a character gives them a distinct role. Carver doesn't need a Paladin vocation to learn Double Up, so he could use it early, and I could keep him a Gladiator, and then a Dragon later. However, Double Up, while being obscenely strong, also makes the user go first, every time, so there was no reason to use anything else for damage. If I wanted others with good Strength to use it, they had to be Paladins, But also Sages, such that all my magic users were Luminary/Sages and my more physical characters were Paladin/Sages (+1 Hero). Falcon Slash felt like a compromise, and some multi-hit abilities were interchangeable. This is in a game where party members easily get 8 pages of abilities to flip through in battle. Unfortunately, this results in very little class diversity, but it's kind of demanded by the sheer frequency of heavy mass-party attacks in the late game. There's just a set of skills that most of your party needs, and it's spread all over the tree.

I honestly thought I was going to pick apart the classes individually when I started this post, but I think I had too much to say about why the system as a whole makes them blend together. I think there's a better game in here, and I'm hoping it's DQVII, which uses the same system. Right now I've started DQIX, which has very different vocations.

[lifeafterthelayoff]

Part II, Day 86

Now that you’re unemployed, what do you actually do all day? QUITE A BIT.

After a layoff, you might find yourself with some extra time on your hands. Maybe 40 hours per week, or maybe 50, 60, or 70 hours (if you had a particularly taxing job.) What a time bonanza! What ever will you do with all of that new free time?

My parents came up for an overnight visit yesterday. They’re both retired, so part of their 40 hours per week of free time was spent hanging out with me. When back home, they keep busy, cutting firewood and making quilts. Plus a fair amount of puttering around and naps. As it should be.

Having been retired for several years, they’ve since adjusted to the freedom that comes with an open schedule. When I worked for a financial services/retirement planning company, we talked about a transition period that happens immediately after retirement as new retirees suddenly stop reporting for duty each day. No one teaches you how to be retired.

The same goes for being laid off. I don’t remember “Layoff 101” being a prerequisite course for any major I looked at in college. And I just checked my community’s adult education class offerings—it wasn’t there either.

So we learn how to do this on our own. It goes in phases: 

🚨 Early panic part

👷 Heads-down prep work 

☕ Coffee/lunch era 

🕒 Apply and wait purgatory

Once you’ve set things up, the time tends to slow down. With your portfolio and presentations set, resume at the ready, and cover letter templates complete, you apply, apply, apply. There’s only so many roles out there, so the act of application doesn’t take much out of your day.

What’s left? Home projects, puzzles, and reading. Quality cat time (as pictured). Go for walks, now that it’s nice out. Maybe you’ve got an online course that you never quite finished. You could bother your work-at-home spouse or partner or roommate with endless job-search updates. (They do love that.)

The end of the day as an unemployed person arrives more quickly than I ever thought it would. There’s always *something* going on, even when I don’t plan it out. It sort of blows my mind. Like, how did I ever get all of these things done when I had a job? (Answer: I didn’t always get the things done.)

I’m a believer in using this time as best you can. It’s a weird time in your life. You might find yourself between vivid, squelching anxiety and an oddly peaceful detachment. In the places in between, you really can enjoy a different kind of life, fleeting as it may be.

If you’re a job seeker and you’ve landed on this post after looking at LinkedIn for a loooong time, close the app or the tab and just sit with the moment. Pick up that book, take that nap, pet that cat (or dog). Working life will return in due time.

[destinyimage]

Access Abraham’s Anointing: Overcoming Delay to Step into Favor

 You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy (Psalm 45:7 NIV).

I know this sounds old-fashioned, but I believe anything worth doing is worth doing well.

God Himself takes His time developing us. No instant success will do. He wants to put the quality in before the name goes out. A small beginning is just the prelude to a tremendous crescendo at the finale! Many of God’s masterpieces were developed in small, obscure circumstances.

Moses, the “messiah” of the Old Testament sent to the lost sheep of Israel, was trained in leadership while shoveling sheep dung on the backside of the desert. There was no fancy finishing school for this boy. Granted, his discipline was developed in the royal courts of Pharaoh’s house, but his dis- position was shaped through a failure in his life and a desert kingdom with no one for him to lead but flies, gnats, and sheep. Who would have thought, looking at Moses’s church of goat deacons and gnats for choir members, that he later would lead the greatest movement in the history of Old Testament theology?

Who would have guessed that old impotent Abraham, whose sun had gone down and force gone out, would finally father a nation—in fact, a nationality? One moment he is sitting on the edge of the bed with an embarrassed look on his face, and the next moment he is fathering children even after Sarah’s death. You can’t tell what’s in you by looking at you. God is establishing patience, character, and concentration in the school of “nothing seems to be happening.” Take the class and get the course credit; it’s working for your good.

Many misunderstand the prophecies of the Lord and so feel discontentment and despair. Just because God promises to move in your life and anoints you to do a particular function doesn’t mean that your foundation will be immediately built.

Prayer

My prayer today is to realize that You, God, are working and moving in my life daily—even though it may not seem as if You are. I believe that you have anointed my life to reflect Your faithfulness and goodness. My foundation is built on You and You alone. In Your Son’s name, amen.

Declaration

I am God’s child. His anointing carries me through each day with joy!

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Growth

The Lord has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for a day of disaster (Proverbs 16:4 NLT).

Great growth doesn’t come into your life through mountaintop experiences. Great growth comes through the valleys and low places where you feel limited and vulnerable. The time God is really moving in your life may seem to be the lowest moment you have ever experienced.

Look, I go forward, but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him; when He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him; when He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him (Job 23:8-9 NKJV).

God is working on you, your faith, and your character when the blessing is delayed. The blessing is the reward that comes after you learn obedience through the things you suffered while waiting for it! I am not finished with the left hand—nor do I want to be finished. The prerequisite of the mountain is the valley.

If there is no valley, there is no mountain. After you’ve been through this process a few times, you begin to realize that the valley is only a sign that with a few more steps, you’ll be at the mountain again! Thus if the left hand is where He works (and it is), if the left hand is where He teaches us (and it is), then at the end of every class is a promotion. So just hold on!

It is difficult to perceive God’s workings on the left hand. God makes definite moves on the right hand, but when He works on the left, you may think He has forgotten you! If you’ve been living on the left side, you’ve been through a period that didn’t seem to have the slightest stirring. It seemed as if everything you wanted to see God move upon stayed still.

“Has He gone on vacation? Has He forgotten His promise?” you’ve asked. The answer is no! God hasn’t forgotten. You simply need to understand that sometimes He moves openly. I call them right-hand blessings. But sometimes He moves silently, tiptoeing around in the invisible, working in the shadows. You can’t see Him, for He is working on the left side.

Prayer

Dear God, sometimes I am confused and wonder where You are. Yet I know deep down You are always with me. I have the confidence and the peace that passes my understanding. So, when troubles come and I can’t feel Your presence, I will remember that You are working on me behind the scenes—left and right—and You make everything for Your purpose. I trust You and praise You for who You are—the great I AM. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Declaration

I’m growing spiritually because I read God’s Word daily and listen for His teachings.

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[b4neh4ll0w5]

buzzkill

It's only just past noon when Cassius receives the news—shamefully late, he'd note later.

He would've been on time had he not been throwing himself about a whorehouse like he worked there, of which the retinue sent to collect him had to search 5 prior before finally finding him. Phoebe wasn't shy about letting him know it either once they were away from scheming ears.

"Yeah? And who're you to tell me what's what?" Cassius had snapped on the ride back to the palace grounds, only to be met with that familiar stony faced silence that he'd figured was a prerequisite to even exist near Lucius.

Of course, he sobered up some once his mother explained what was so important that their guard felt so bold as to speak up.

"He fought to the bitter end," she says, eyes red and but dry. Like she couldn't bear to be seen crying.

Cassius isn't so contained, and he openly weeps. He makes a nuisance of himself demanding to see Lucius' body, rages when told he's being examined to determine just what it was that claimed him, then prepared for the pyre Cassius would be expected to help keep burning for three days, as was tradition.

"It pains us all, but you must be strong, Cassius," his mother urges, arms wrapped around his trembling shoulders—as though he's still a child. Maybe he is as he's the only one openly weeping.

When he's gotten hold enough of himself to collapse inward rather than lash outward, Haedrian has little trouble getting him back to the family quarters to wash up once Aurelia's dismissed them.

"What for?" Cassius mutters, but goes along to the large baths all the same.

"You are to join your mother and father in the oak grove," Haedrian says simply.

Cassius' face twitches then at the reminder, a minor show of hurt. He and the rest of the immediate family is to gather the wood for the funeral pyre. Being the youngest, he'll be the one to dry the split cords in the kiln as well. The wine in his stomach sours at the thought and he undresses.

"Suppose... Suppose I don't want to go," Cassius says, and even he knows he's being childish. Disrespectful. He's grateful for the thick curls of steam coming off of the large pool to keep him from seeing himself as he wades in.

"Lucius would've done it for you," Haedrian counters, and it cuts to the center of Cassius' weak attempts to avoid it.

Haedrian stands sentinel as Cassius' composure fails again because he knows it's true. He wishes he was alone, he wishes Haedrian wasn't so exacting about following his orders, and he wishes most of all that Lucius was still alive; a concept he'd not once thought before all this. It surprises him just as much as it hurts, a cold twist that settles in his chest and doesn't seem to end with the heaving breathes he takes.

By the time he's finished washing the reek of wine and perfumed bodies from himself, the tears have run dry. Cassius' eyes still burn with them, and he knows he looks no better than when he went in, but at least he'll be clean enough to be approved of, to be allowed to participate in proper mourning rather than his blubbering.

He dresses silently in the fresh linens someone has slipped in and set down without his notice, and once again, allows Haedrian to lead him.

"Your parents have already left, but they will wait for you at the grove," Haedrian says after Cassius slips on the pure ivory mourning garb over his clothes and they're back on their horses.

"They shouldn't," Cassius says, and he means it. He knows where he stands in the family; second born, and unable to shine as brightly as the golden first child had. Cassius, despite being twice blessed, was doubly disappointing as he had shown no real drive, no ambition to shape the world as others blessed by daylight in the past had. A lumbering wastrel, good enough to toil with the common man in the dirt and little else. Acting as though neither party existed had worked just fine for them, and now they were forced to mourn together.

"Death take us all," Cassius mutters to himself, paying no attention to the recently trimmed path Haedrian's leading them down.

They ride in silence and it gives Cassius a moment to focus on something other than the dozens of little hurts that want his attention. He can listen instead to the rustle of leaves on the wind, the call of a distant hawk, the way the fabric darkens when a drop of water follows a curl to land on his clothes.

"Your brother was a good man," Haedrian says after a few minutes of quiet.

"Oh, I'm sure he was," Cassius replies, glaring at Haedrian's back ahead of him. "Good old Lucius, everyone's favourite! Did you know he didn't even cry when he was born? No, not like me. I was a proper menace from the first moment, but Lucius?" Cassius scoffs. "Well, we best be sure the moon isn't falling now that it knows the favourite's gone!"

Haedrian for his part seems unfazed. Not that Cassius could see his face, but there isn't even an uncomfortable fidget in his saddle. He rides back straight, head tall—the very picture of composure. He weathers the beginnings of a tantrum with ease, and it makes Cassius feel even worse.

"Be strong, Cassius. That's all your brother ever wanted for you," comes the soft spoken response, and Cassius feels his eyes burn with tears again. It's an imperceptible victory to anyone but him that they don't fall.

When Haedrian's horse slows, Cassius' follows suit and he knows they've arrived at the outskirts of the oak grove.

Phoebe, all stern looks and equally straight posture flanks Aurelia and Valerius with another guard Cassius never cared to learn the name of.

"Lord Aurelia, Lord Valerius," Haedrian bids the two both greeting and farewell and a slight bow from his saddle.

"My son. Cassius," Aurelia says, her voice wavering as the three trot off to give the family their space.

Cassius dismounts and leads his horse by the reins behind his parents atop their matching silken ivory mounts, and the feeling that he needs to be sick intensifies with each step.

They stay mounted, and yet he doesn't have to strain to look up at them in their regal, put together glory. He is doubly blessed by the sun, as their ancestors once were, and yet he's never felt so small as now when he's too afraid to look at either of them. As if they'll see the struck dog he feels like behind his curtain of messy curls. How is he to help pick a suitable old growth oak to rest Lucius upon for the final time when he can scarcely stand to look at them or be seen?

It should have been me, he thinks.