#and then when we move to instagram or text they just refuse to initiate conversation or actually engage in conversation i initiate like

[roastedinmarch]

it’d be great if people on dating apps were actually interested in dating me

[phantomato]

Uber

Nottmort (Tom Riddle/Nott Sr.), Modern Muggle AU, ~2k words

Thanks to @yletylyf for kicking around this idea! Tom drives an Uber in the Bay Area. Thoros & co need a ride.

—

Abraxas and Orion are bickering over luggage in the background when your Uber pulls up. Black, of course, so it’s a Mercedes that will smell a little too much like leather cleaner when you get in, but none of you have ever ridden in an UberX or, god forbid, an Uber Pool, and you’re not about to start.

Your colleagues—never forget, you are not friends, no matter how much time you spend with them—slide into the back seat before you can even begin to help load bags into the trunk. You’re left alone with the driver, and though he offers to help, you haven’t let yourself sink that low as to make this man pile all of your shit in his car while you sit around and watch. And anyway, it feels like the polite thing to do. More than Abraxas or Orion, you’ve been raised to be polite.

So you fold yourself into the front passenger seat, too kind to push the seat all the way back and give yourself the leg room you need even if Orion, behind you, is just 5’8 to your 6’3, and smile at the driver as he confirms your destination.

He’s pretty. You’ve been in a lot of Ubers and you’ve never seen a driver this pretty. Is that classist?, you wonder to yourself, remembering something you read in Vox the other day. Probably. Nevertheless, you’re taken by the curve of his mouth, the sweep of his dark hair, and you throw a smirk over your shoulder at Abraxas who you know must have also noticed.

“Traffic to SFO will be busy,” he says regretfully, and you roll your eyes. Orion refuses to take the early morning flights, unwilling to wake at 3 AM, and you’re always stuck with these long, miserable Uber rides down from the city to the airport. “And Terminal 2—right in the middle of it. There’s construction around those doors, if you haven’t been there—”

“We know,” Orion butts in rudely, shutting up your driver for the few minutes it takes to get out of your neighborhood.

You use those few minutes to swipe through your phone. Email—nothing important. Messages—you clear the notifications. Your Instagram is alight with people reposting the same infographic about voting rights and you make a mental note to kick some money to that non-profit that’s been all over Twitter lately. You close out apps and end up back at Uber, watching your car’s laggy progress through the San Francisco streets. Your driver’s name is Tom, the app informs you. It’s a nice name.

You clear the side streets and Tom offers amenities. “If you want any water, there are bottles in the cooler between the seats,” he calls back to Abraxas and Orion, “and mints in the cup holder. You can adjust the air conditioning if you like, and there’s a charging cable attached to the back of my seat if you need it. Would you like to choose any music?”

“No,” Abraxas says, and whether he means the music or the entire spiel doesn’t really matter, given his withering tone. You look back at him, trying to convey ‘Be nice’ with just your eyebrows, but Abraxas is fussing with his hair and ignoring you.

Tom’s one of the chipper ones, it turns out, because he takes the rejection in stride and shifts to the dreaded personal conversation. “What do you all do for a living?”

“Ah, we invest in companies, mostly start-ups,” you say, trying to avoid—

“Venture capitalists!” Tom guesses, and he’s right but you hate the term and its connotations. So what if you are all white men whose family money has bankrolled tech speculation? It’s what anyone with half a brain would do. You donate, you read the liberal news—at least, you think that’s true for all of you, though Orion was friends with that Republican mayoral candidate and Abraxas’ father sponsors that conservative think-tank and…

Ah, fuck. “Yeah, pretty much,” you agree, hating yourself.

Behind you, Orion digs his AirPods out of his pocket. You hear the snap of the magnetic lid as he closes himself off to the world. Abraxas is slouching, the hem of his third-favorite cashmere cardigan catching on the seat behind him, and you realize that you’re alone in this conversation.

Well, fuck it. If those two pricks are going to make you call the Uber, deal with the reimbursement paperwork, and sit in the front seat, you’re going to talk to the driver and make this car conversation as painful as possible for them.

As if reading your thoughts, Tom does the one thing that guarantees a terrible ride: he pitches his app idea.

“You know, I’m also a software developer,” he says, which is at least more promising than when someone isn’t, “and if I had the kind of funding that companies like yours provide, I would absolutely make this app.” He proceeds to describe something completely inane, the type of exclusive, niche social networking app that hasn’t had legs since before the Trump presidency and you would be content to let him drone on, to let Abraxas keep melting into his own seat and to let Orion channel his anger through a knee driven into the back of yours, but—

But for all that Tom’s idea is stupid, he has the energy of the best pitches you see. His energy is infectious. His eyes light up, he gestures with one hand, and when he stops to take a drink (one of those water bottles with a built-in straw, which you associate with joggers and your lamest employees but which does very different things to you when it’s Tom’s mouth wrapped around the top) you’re transfixed by the wet sheen over his chapped lips.

And so, yes, maybe it’s mostly lust, and maybe this is a sign that you need to download Grindr again, even if only to jerk off to the dick pics you’ll get, but you start to actually talk to him.

“There’s no future in niche social networks,” you say, halting Tom in his tracks. “There will always be new ones, don’t misunderstand me, but the broader landscape is saturated by the top names, and they’ll buy out their competitors if they need to. Perhaps you can topple Tumblr, but that’s not a path to profit. If you want to impact the social market, you need to pinpoint the novel interaction model that you want to offer and make yourself buyable.”

“Buyable,” Tom repeats, like he’s never been interrupted before. He probably hasn’t. The first rule of Ubering around the Bay Area or the Valley is to never engage the app pitches, and Orion has started kicking your seat for your transgression.

“Yes,” you enunciate. “You want to be bought out and brought in at a high level. The giant that eats you may or may not use your idea, but you’ll make a comfortable sum as a consolation prize.” You’ve helped companies through this before. You’re flying out to New York this week in part because one of your investments is considering purchase offers and you want to strategize in-person. The founder is dallying, sending emails about independence and integrity, and Orion will bully him into selling while you and Abraxas negotiate the best terms for the contract.

You can feel Tom’s eyes on you. Abraxas might be calling “Thoros…” from the back seat, and Orion might be attempting to annihilate you with his gaze alone, but you’re smiling at that handsome face behind the wheel and hoping for an accident on the 101.

Unfortunately, you make it through San Bruno without running into more than the usual level of traffic, and Tom’s pulling up to your terminal much sooner than you would like. Abraxas and Orion jump out of the car with uncharacteristic speed when it stops, Orion even moving to stand by the trunk in readiness to take his bags. You delay.

“Do you have a business card?” you ask, when it’s clear Tom’s waiting on you.

He fumbles to pull a wallet from his jeans. You can’t quite get a view of his ass as he does, but that doesn’t stop you from looking.

His card is bent at the corner, printed cheaply, and probably from his last job. You’re pretty sure that company doesn’t exist anymore. Tom taps the phone number. “I can be reached here,” he says smoothly, but his professionalism cracks when he adds, “by call or by… text.”

You know what sort of texts you’d like to receive from him.

Pulling out your own card case, you hand him your card. “Text me,” you say, your voice just this side of appropriate, “any time.”

Tom visibly swallows and jumps out of the car. You take your time getting up, and if your cashmere sweater—Margaret Howell, not that Elder Statesman piece of shit Abraxas is wearing—ends up in the footwell of Tom’s passenger seat, well, you’ll be back in SF next week, won’t you?

“Thanks for the ride, Tom,” you tell him as you take the handle of your luggage, letting your fingers brush his. “I enjoyed our conversation.”

“Yeah,” he nods, and you don’t care that Abraxas is snorting behind you, he’s been judging you this whole trip and he lost out on a hot guy’s number as a result. “It was…”

“Thoros,” you interrupt him before he can ramble and psych himself out. “My name is Thoros, and I really would like to hear from you.”

Tom looks at you then, and you see him pull together the same sureness that drew you into his initial pitch. “I’ll text you about the app.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” you say, meaning it.

—

Bonus:

“You know,” Abraxas drawls as you sit in the United club lounge, gesturing lazily with his overpriced airport Fiji water, “if you tip him too much it’s like you’re paying him for sex.”

Orion looks up from his phone then, removing one earbud for the first time since he put them in. “I’ve paid more for sex with less attractive men.”

“Welcome back,” you say, “I didn’t realize you had paid any attention.”

“Someone would need to not have eyes in order to miss how hot that Uber driver was,” he bites back, returning to his phone.

“Well, I’m tipping him extra anyway,” you announce, confirming Tom’s five-star rating. Should you write a review? Is that too much?

Abraxas, with a grumble, declares, “I’m telling Alecto not to approve this expense.”

—

Bonus bonus:

Your phone buzzes at the end of dinner, the celebratory affair to close the sale which someone had insisted must be at Lilia, even though Abraxas doesn’t eat carbs and you would have preferred to grab a slice at Scarr’s rather than haul out to Williamsburg, anyway.

It’s Tom. Of course it’s Tom—you’ve been texting all week, and between a few late-night flirtations and one very bald statement of interest, you’ve got a date set for when you’re back home. You’re going to Mensho Tokyo, since he lives in the Tenderloin and you live… vaguely around the Tenderloin, at least, you tell people you live there when you want to seem cooler, and Tom is the type of guy that makes you excited to stand in line for hours to get seats. You’re already thinking about whether you might put your arm around him while you’re waiting, and you unlock your phone to see what he’s saying now.

It’s a picture message.

A picture of Tom, wearing your Howell sweater and no pants and oh god oh fuck—

“Was that Uber driver’s dick?” Abraxas whispers, next to you, and you curse your luck. “Remind me to call the next Uber, Jesus Christ.”

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Oceans

You’ve been Tom’s best friend for years, but the night before he leaves, all of that changes and you can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever find your way back to each other. Loosely based off Oceans by Seafret. 

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Word count: 4,200 

Warnings: Angst, fluff, brief mentions of 18+ activities but nothing graphic. 

A/N: This is a re-post because it never showed up in the tags. It’s a little different than what I usually write, but I’m really proud of it!

-

Your relationship with Tom was far from normal from the moment you met him. You’d moved to the UK to go to college, since it was cheaper and you eventually wanted to live there, and for the first semester you’d lived on the campus housing. And then you met Tom and Harrison at a bar, who said they had an extra room, and three days later you were moving in.

Tom had been your best friend since then. Your absolute best friend. You loved the same movies, music, video games, you both loved golfing and hiking and being outdoors. You did as much as you could together, and you lived with him for three happy years. You graduated and got a job in London, so you stayed, and you’d gotten used to just dog-sitting and house-sitting while Tom and Harrison and his brothers were off filming.

You were used to him leaving. That didn’t mean you liked it, because you definitely didn’t. You loved having the boys around, especially your best friend, and when they were gone your life felt empty. You had come to the decision that you liked Tom, more than you should. Your heart fluttered every time he was around. You turned into a giggly little girl whenever he touched you.

You loved how hard he worked. You loved the way he was with his dog. You loved the way he was always patient and kind and looking out for everyone with no regard for himself. You loved the charity work he did and that he genuinely wanted to make other people’s lives better. And you loved how much he loved his job. You loved him, and you were hopeless in it. So when he said he was leaving for three months, your heart felt heavy. He promised he would call you and FaceTime you and text you all the time, and you were sure he would. But you were going to miss him, even if it was just because you were selfish and you wanted him around.

You didn’t quite know how you ended up in the situation you were in. You and Tom had been playing Call of Duty together when you ended up throwing your controller down, playfully angry, and you’d ended up wrestling each other on the couch. And then, without a conversation about what it could mean, he’d kissed you.

He’d kissed you.

He did it first. You kissed him back, though, and in a few minutes you were sitting in the darkness of the living room with the only light from the paused game that had gone back to the menu. You were straddling Tom’s thighs, and one of his hands was splayed across the back of your thigh, tips of his fingers underneath your shorts. His other hand was at your waist, dragging you back and forth on his lap. Your hands were on his shoulders, and it was hot. It was heavy. He was making you whine and whimper and all you were doing was kissing each other. You didn’t know how long you were there, but it was long enough that the TV shut off. And finally you’d pulled away from him, just to breathe, and Tom’s face paled.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” he muttered. “That was a mistake.” He didn’t seem like he regretted it, especially not while you were doing it, because he was hard as hell below you and you could feel it as you sat there, hands on his shoulders. When he said that you shouldn’t have done that, you thought that he meant it was a mistake. That he had done something he didn’t want to do, that you’d made him do something he didn’t want to do.

“You…” You felt tears prick your eyes like thorns, falling down your cheeks in defiance. You had given yourself away. He knew now that you liked him, that you were willing to do anything for him, and now you knew he didn’t feel the same way. He felt like it was a mistake. Like you were a mistake. Like every single second together…

“Y/N, listen,” he started to say. He grabbed at the old t-shirt you’d tucked into your shorts, trying to keep you there, but all it did was un-tuck it. You put a shaky leg down on the ground and then the other. Tom tried to grab you and you wrestled him off. And then you walked up the stairs to your room, shut the door, and cried.

You tried to be quiet with it because Harrison’s room was on the other side of your wall. You fought to stay silent with your tears and it came out as squeaks and an occasional gasp and you heard footsteps at your door. They were there for a minute or two, thinking of whether to knock or not, and then they moved on. You knew it was Tom because his door shut next. Did you mean that little to him that he wasn’t even going to talk to you about it? That he was just going to let you think that he didn’t want you? Yeah. Because he probably didn’t, you thought.

The battle between your head and your heart ended eventually and you were too tired to even change out of your clothes. You just laid there in your made bed, a throw blanket on top of you, and popped one of the sleeping pills you needed when you were alone.

You woke up when the sun was rising. You’d missed saying goodbye to Tom, and probably for good reason. Normally he’d wake you up and say a sweet goodbye, kiss the top of your head, and tell you that he couldn’t wait to get up to bullshit when he got back. Instead your door was open, your light had been turned off, and there was a note written with one of your work pens on your nightstand on top of your phone. You’d left your phone downstairs, you realized.

We need to talk when I get back, don’t we? Airbnb is 423 Leighton Street, 44135. We have an extra room. I’ll miss you every minute. X Tommy :)

You sat up, reading over the note several times. He wanted you to come visit him, or he wouldn’t have left the address. But he said you needed to talk, too, and you knew what that meant. You knew that meant that he wanted to let you down easy and tell you that he valued your friendship or whatever, but that all it was ever going to be was a friendship. And he mentioned an extra room, which he wouldn’t unless he didn’t want you with him. You’d shared rooms and beds multiple times before and he’d always held you so close that it made you wonder if he wanted something more. But you guessed he didn’t. Or he would’ve said something. And now there was a fucking ocean between you and you didn’t have the strength to close the distance.

You sat up and went downstairs to feed the dog, looking around at the empty house. Tom had picked up the living room the night before, including the area where you’d made your mistake. You cut up some fruit and made some eggs and went up to your room to start work. Eventually one of Tom’s brothers was home, but you didn’t go out to greet him. You stayed in your room, burying yourself in your work so you wouldn’t have to think about it.

Eventually they must have gotten off of their flight because you got a slew of snapchats in from Harrison, all of them about Tom. And then he’d texted you, asking what had happened the night before because Tom was acting weird whenever Harrison mentioned you. You just avoided the conversation at all costs, even if it seemed weird. Maybe Tom would give in and tell Harrison and then Harrison would tell you.

You got a text from Tom a few days later, just a meme, and against your better judgement you responded with the laughing emoji and another meme you’d been saving in your camera roll. He acted like nothing happened, and so did you. Your friends chided you for being stupid enough to go along with it instead of being the adult and initiating the conversation, but you couldn’t face it. You refused to face the fact that Tom didn’t want you the way you wanted him.

Things were absolutely miserable for the first month. The entire first month. You tried to distract yourself by taking Tessa on extra long walks, going to the pub with your girlfriends, and playing the Sims when you weren’t working. You managed to forget about Tom until he’d send you a text or a snapchat. Until he’d post something on his Instagram story of his voice or the way he’d been working out.

It was dumb to be crying over a stupid video, but you cried. You cried because your best friend’s voice, you missed his hugs, you missed hanging out with him all the time. You missed what you had before you made the mistake. You even missed the misery of not knowing how he felt. Two of the three months passed and your mental health had spiraled from being alone. Harrison knew that and he wondered why it wasn’t Tom checking in on you, but he’d FaceTime you until all hours of the night and call you if he knew you were walking alone, and he would often tell you how much he loved you because he thought you needed it. And you did.

“Just come visit for a weekend, please!” Harrison begged you on the phone. “I literally will pay for your ticket. I miss you! Tom misses you, he barely ever shuts up about how much he misses you.”

“Yeah, and about the fucking ‘mistake’ we made, has he told you about that?” You replied. He sighed.

“No. But I thought something must’ve happened because he was upset the whole plane ride over.”

“He kissed me, Harrison. Or I kissed him. And we all but had our clothes off before he pulled away from me and said it was a mistake. And I all but told him that I’m stupidly in love with him. And that’s why things are so weird. Because he doesn’t want me like I want him.”

“Yes, he does,” Harrison insisted.

“No, he doesn’t!” You were so angry that you were about to cry. “He doesn’t. Not like I want him. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re not stupid and I know Tom doesn’t think it was a mistake, at least not what you think he means.” You sighed.

“I still don’t know. The look on his face, it was like he hated me. It was like he didn’t want me around.”

“He does. And I do. Just come hang out with me. Please? We can rent a car and go see your family if you want, too. The twins already said they’d watch Tessa.” You sighed.

“Fine. I’ll send you a flight plan. Just… don’t tell Tom. I don’t want him to try and tell me not to come.”

“Okay. Just know you’re being ridiculous about this.” You shut the phone off and bought a flight like Harrison told you to do, sending him the plan. You took your next few days of work off, promising you’d send your project in before the due date because you were ahead anyway. And then you packed your suitcase, grabbed your passport, and left the house.

You updated Harrison as you got on the plane and opened the entertainment center to see that of course one of the free in-flight movies was one of the movies that Tom was in. You scrolled past it, not wanting to even think about it, and started watching the few free episodes of TV shows that were on there. Nobody texted you, thankfully, except for Harrison and your parents to confirm that your plane was still in the air and not hijacked.

The plane landed and you plugged in the address to the Airbnb they were staying at. Luckily they had just left for set so you had most of the day to yourself. Harrison was going to make an excuse to come back around lunch to hang out with you, so until then you were left on your own. Harrison had neglected to tell you which room was yours, so you had to wander around and find it. The first room was obviously his, since his stuff was strewn everywhere, but then you looked at the next room. You dropped your bags when you saw what was on the nightstand.

It was a picture that you thought Tom would’ve left in London, since he didn’t have a picture of anyone else in his room. Not even his family. It was a picture of the two of you when you’d gone to Disney World with everyone. The two of you were just smiling beside one another, his arm behind you as you leaned against one of the fences in Animal Kingdom. That had been one of your favorite days, ever, and one of the days that helped you realize that you were in love with him. You couldn’t understand why there was a picture of you in there but nobody else, but it made you feel even worse. Why would he have a picture of you if you were such a mistake?

“Fuck you, Tom,” you muttered out loud. You turned from the room and found the guest room, settling in and taking a nap until your phone rang. It was Harrison, telling you to meet him at a certain restaurant.

He got there before you did, and when you did he hugged you just as tightly as you always had. You carried on a normal conversation, but you knew he was going to ask you about Tom sooner or later. You decided to ask him first.

“Why does he have a picture of me by his bed?” You asked Harrison. He sighed, putting down the napkin he was holding.

“Because you’re his favorite person. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Y/N. He loves you. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but he needs to get over it.”

“Or maybe I need to get over it. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it and he just wants to forget about it, so maybe I should too.” You hung your shoulders a little, sitting back, and refused to look at Harrison. Maybe he thought you were right.

“I think he’s just scared. Because everything will change, Y/N. And if it were me, I wouldn’t want anything to change because I wouldn’t want to lose you.”

“But he did. He is. He’s losing me because he pushed me away.”

“I don’t know why he pushed you away, but I think it was a mistake. I think it was a mistake and he’s going to understand that as soon as he sees you.” You looked down, your eyes tearing up. You understood what he was saying and he made a good point. Harrison was the best advice-giver you’d ever met in your life, and he was right. The whole reason you were so scared of what Tom would say to you was because you didn’t want to lose him.

You would miss his friendship more than anything, and if you had to go your entire life knowing you couldn’t tell him you loved him, you wanted to at least have him some other way. If you couldn’t hold him at night, you could hold him when the two of you were cold. If you couldn’t call him your boyfriend, you could still feel his hand on your back when it was late at night and he wanted to keep you at arm’s length. If you couldn’t have Tom as a lover, you wanted him as a friend. You knew settling was a bad idea, but you were willing to do anything just to have him. You needed to be the source of his smile like you needed air.

“Just go back to the house,” Harrison told you after he paid. He insisted on paying for you. Both he and Tom always tried to pay for you. “And I’ll tell you when we’re coming home. I need to run back to set later tonight anyway, so you two can have some time alone.” You nodded.

“Thanks.” You took an Uber back to the house and cleaned yourself up. You put on some makeup, hoping it would prevent you from crying. You had Gucci mascara, and you were not about to waste it on crying over a boy, no matter how much you loved this boy.

You sat down on the couch and started playing on the game system to pass the time. Eventually Harrison said that Tom was on his way home, so you sat up and waited. And waited. Your leg was shaking the entire coffee table on the hardwood floors, so you popped an anxiety pill even though you had a feeling that it wouldn’t help.

That was another reason you were so upset by everything – Tom had been the most understanding person when it came to talking about your anxiety and depression. He was the person you always came to, and feeling like you couldn’t come to him was making a ton of feelings swim back up to the surface. Feelings you’d tried to push away for so long. Maybe that was why he didn’t want you. Maybe you were too much to deal with. Maybe all of this was just…

The door unlocked and you stood up out of reflex, moving backwards when you saw that it was Tom. His eyes opened wide when he saw you and he had the same look on his face that he did when he told you that it was a mistake. You wanted to hit him back with his own line, especially when you saw the way he was looking at you. He had the same look Tessa did when someone teased her with chicken and didn’t give it to her.

“You said we needed to talk,” you said. It was all you could say. You were convincing yourself not to cry, that you couldn’t ruin the makeup. You crossed your arms across your chest and waited for Tom to say something. He didn’t. He just stood there.

“I…” he finally said, refusing to meet your eyes.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let Harrison talk me into this.” Your heart felt as heavy as it ever had. Just like the night two months ago when Tom said you were a mistake. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Your legs hit the couch and you sat down, burying your face in your hands. You didn’t care about the makeup anymore. You didn’t care about anything.

“Y/N,” Tom said, walking toward you and shutting the door.

“No,” you interrupted. “I want you to listen to me, Tom. You’re the one who kissed me and then told me it was a mistake. You’re the one who left the next day to another country without the guts to tell me you don’t want me to my face. You’re the one who let me wonder for two whole months whether we’re even still friends. You’re the one who did all of this and I don’t understand why you won’t just fucking tell me you don’t want me.” You were yelling by the time you were done, and you weren’t necessarily trying to make him feel bad. You just wanted him to get that he’d been torturing you whether he wanted to or not.

“I’m not gonna tell you that because it’s not true,” he said, almost like it was a question. You stood up and scoffed.

“Tom, just…” You turned on your heels and went into the first room in the house. Tom’s room. And you saw the picture of the two of you and something inside of you broke. You cried harder than you ever remembered crying before. You didn’t know why because you didn’t cry over boys. That wasn’t you. You knew you were a badass and anyone that didn’t want you didn’t deserve you. But Tom just shook something loose inside of you and turned you into putty.  

“I did this to you. Didn’t I?” He asked as he walked into the room. You sat down on the bed, trying to calm down.

“Did you not hear anything I said?” You asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just…”

“I’m a div, I deserve it. When I said this was a mistake, I didn’t mean the kiss. I didn’t mean it with you. I meant that it was a mistake to do that right before I left. The only reason I never did it before was I was afraid you wouldn’t want me because I leave. Because every girl’s told me that they can’t trust me when I leave and I didn’t want to do that to you. I didn’t want to make you worry that I would hurt you, so I didn’t want to chance it.”

“What?”

“I love you,” he muttered, scanning your eyes for any sign of protest or hatred for him. “I love you so much. And I’m so sorry for making it seem like I didn’t.”

“I trust you, Tom. I trust you more than I trust anyone. I’ve been so scared that you didn’t want me.”

“I want you. I want you so bad, Y/N. I was just so scared that I didn’t even think about how you would feel.”

“I feel like shit,” you responded. He chuckled, but he didn’t smile. He sat down beside you.

“Can I hold you for a while? And then we can talk more?” You nodded, wanting his embrace more than anything. He laid down and opened his arms and you crawled into them. He’d gotten stronger over the past couple of months and when he wrapped his arms around you it felt like they were a cage. They were holding you there because he needed you just as much as you needed him and you’d twisted each other’s words. Maybe you didn’t know him as well as you thought you did because you should have seen it coming.

You laid there with him for about an hour or so, maybe longer. You just listened to his steady breathing, in and out, and tried to match it with yours. You pressed an ear against his shirt until you could hear his heart beating and just listened. You’d missed him so much and for a while you weren’t sure you would ever feel him again the way that you were feeling him.

“You still don’t want to be with me, do you?” You asked eventually. It was the first thing anyone had said in a long time.

“I do,” Tom said. “I want to, so badly.”

“Then why can’t we?”

“We can.” You looked up at him. “That kiss was the best thing that ever happened to me, Y/N. And I don’t want to go back to whatever we were before. I want you. I want you so bad. I should’ve just told you that and the more I think about it the more I know I should have. I just didn’t want to start something and leave right after because I don’t want that to be a pattern. I don’t want to leave you all the time and I don’t want you to not trust me or feel like I’m trying to get away from you or…”

“That’s your job, Tom, I know that. I won’t blame you for that. I just blame you for fucking leaving me like this.”

“I’m so sorry I did that.”

“I forgive you.” You laid in silence for a few more minutes, and then you sat up a little, wiping the fallen tears and mascara away from your face. In a moment of bravery, you leaned down again. This time the kiss wasn’t a mistake. It was the greatest one you’d ever had. You picked up where you left off and Tom rolled on top of you, grunting a little as he found his way in between your legs.

It felt like hours before you even came up for air. You spent the entire night, just laying there underneath him, as he worshipped your entire body. You were covered in marks that he made, your body ached because of the things he did, and you were screaming out his name even when you knew you weren’t alone in the house anymore. You finally belonged to him, finally. You were drowning in the little bit of ocean left in between the two of you and you were fine with it.

“I love you,” he finally half panted, half whined against your collarbone as he nipped another mark into your skin. “I want you and I always will.”

Taglist: @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter

[twiceblackvelvet]

Whose Voice Is It Anyway?

A/N; this idea randomly sprung into my head at 2 am one night and has haunted me since. so i had to try and bring it to life. enjoy. 

The white walls surrounding the closet area have become a well-known back-drop as of late. The majority of the videos created within this space usually include ridiculous dancing or lip-syncing to silly voice-overs, but today is more of a laid-back style of simply speaking to fans or anyone who happens to drop by the live stream. She gives herself a once over in the mirror and then on the screen before finally hitting the live option on her phone. 

A few people immediately join and begin spamming the comment section with emojis, a few say hello whilst others flat out say “I love you,” which earns an internal chuckle for a response. 

“Hello!” Jessica’s voice goes up a pitch with excitement seeing all of the people merrily interacting among themselves until random questions begin to pour in. “I’m at home right now, I just wanted to speak to you all, how are you guys?” 

Light slow-tempo music fills up the silence around her, not wishing for the atmosphere to be awkward as she reads the many things flying up the screen too fast for her to be able to comprehend what most of them are saying. 

“A new video? It’ll be out on Wednesday! Are you looking forward to it?” She asks after multiple people spammed about a new JessicaLand upload. A tonne of reassurances that people are indeed enjoying her content flows afterward. “I was so worried no one would watch but you all seem to like it a lot, it makes me so happy, in fact, we should probably change this!” 

She shuffles around briefly with the camera not showing her arm stretching out for the device that is playing the background music until she pulls it into view. 

“This music is too sad if we’re all in a good mood, let’s change it,” She readjusts herself upon seeing her reflection on the screen isn’t showing her face properly before speaking again. “Alexa, play happy music.” 

The Echo flashes a blue ring around the top to show it has registered her request and immediately switches to a more upbeat pop song. The lyrics evade Jessica’s mind briefly but eventually, she catches onto which song it is and sings along to some of the words whilst reading the various comments. 

“How are you guys?” She asks curiously. “Are you all taking care of yourselves?” 

A stream of responses floats up the screen at a rapid speed, some positive, a few negative, and the rest not even answering the question and instead, hurling their own back toward her. A steady conversation ensues discussing the possibility of a new album, Blanc & Eclare’s latest collection as well as what Soojung has been up to recently. 

The music playing in the background soon changes to a more doo-wop, R&B sounding melody with what Jessica thinks is a beautiful voice singing along to it. She begins to hum along with it herself mindlessly. 

“Wow, isn’t this song pretty everyone? The voice is so beautiful, I could fall asleep listening to it.” 

Her words are aimed towards no one, in particular, however, the startling response of people seemingly losing their minds after her compliment is rather confusing. Many people spam expletives, some simply repeat the word “omg” a bunch of times. Just as she’s about to ask what has caused this sudden uproar, it finally clicks when she sees her name repeated in some of the comments and her heart drops to the pit of her stomach.

Taeyeon. 

Without even realizing it, she had not only managed to sit and listen along to Taeyeon’s voice singing beautifully without noticing who it was nor did her brain recognize the signature voice of her former group-mate, but she had complimented her in front of thousands of people. The first time she’s acknowledged her existence in years and it’s by far the most embarrassing way to do so humanly possible, Jessica thinks. 

She quickly scrambles to change the song to something, anything other than what is playing, however, the damage if you wish to call it that has already been done. 

As yet another airy pop song replaces the sweet tone of Taeyeon, Jessica is frozen in place and unable to figure out what to do or say next to everyone still collectively losing their minds over this brief interaction and nod to her former life. 

Despite it being probably the worst way to move on from this blip, she decides to simply ignore it and pretend that it didn’t just happen with many witnesses who will no doubt rush to discuss it elsewhere and hopes that continuing the live will distract them from it altogether. 

It doesn’t.

The conversation between herself and fans continues for another ten minutes, though, it’s a lot more difficult to find talking points now among the sea of people simply plastering Taeyeon’s name but she manages until it all becomes a little too much. 

“I have to go now guys, but I hope you all remain well. I’ll see you all next time,” she waves goodbye to the screen and brings the live to an end with a deep sigh. 

It doesn’t take long for both Jessica and Taeyeon’s names to trend on various social platforms, in fact, it’s rather impressive how quickly the news of it spread. Some fans initially couldn’t believe that such a thing would happen and put it down to people making something up to fit their narrative. However, when someone eventually revealed they had managed to screen record most of the live including what Jessica had said about Taeyeon, any and all doubts were put to rest. 

In turn, it didn’t take much longer for news to reach Taeyeon either. 

Sitting inside the back of a small coffee shop, hidden away enough that people won’t bother her with a manager flanked on the opposite side of the table. The steam from the warm drinks is Taeyeon’s only focus, watching it swirl out of the small cup forcing her to zone out a little. 

“Taeyeon, look at this.” 

The words alone cause a rush of anxiety to build up in the pit of her stomach, even more so once he places his phone in front of her showing the trending topics page. A headline reading ‘Jessica forgets Taeyeon’s voice’ sitting atop the page. She decides to read through the article, though she mentally refuses to acknowledge it’s because she’s intrigued. Instead trying and failing to convince herself it’s just because she has no idea what it could possibly be about, and yet, it makes her sad regardless.

It’s not that Taeyeon expected Jessica to remember what her voice sounded like after so long apart, but to have her forget it completely feels painful somewhere deep down inside in a place buried long ago and forgotten. The only saving grace being that Jessica complimented her before she realized who it was she was praising. Taeyeon chuckles to herself at just how air-headed Jessica clearly can still be at times. 

The phone is quickly handed back to her manager as she scoops her own out of her jacket pocket. Her thumbs instinctively begin to type out a text message. 

“How could you possibly forget?” 

“Has it really been so long you don’t know what I sound like now?” 

“Don’t you listen to my music nowadays?” 

All of the possible things she could say to Jessica end up deleted. Her thoughts all begin to muddle into one until eventually, she closes the messages app after growing unsure of whether to bother sending her a text message after all of this time. She may not even have the same number. Instead, she hesitantly opens up Instagram, heads toward the story option, and snaps a picture of her coffee sitting atop the table. The pattern the barista managed to form being of a small heart. 

She begins to type out a small message to go along with the picture and publishes it without thinking twice. 

A few moments pass before the manager once again startles her out of her reverie. 

“Do you know that you posted this?” He turns his screen to face her with the Instagram story of her coffee pulled up on it this time, pointing towards her words clear as day below the image of the cup. 

“Yes.” is all she offers as a response and returns back to staring anywhere but at him or the phone. 

“Don’t you think it will make matters worse?” 

“It’ll be fine, it’s about time.” 

The two names continue to trend with more and more people discussing the two former group-mates except now, more specifically,  what Taeyeon’s words in response to Jessica could mean for them both. 

“Your voice is still beautiful too.” 

Jessica doesn’t see the story herself, not wishing to fall down the rabbit hole that is Taeyeon if she happens to look at the many pictures depicting her life now. However, she does see the many screenshots people tag her in for days afterward. 

She would be lying if she said it didn’t make her feel all the things and more that Taeyeon now sings about. 

Happiness.

[ggukcangetit]

Tomorrow: Jungkook x Reader

**

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Genre: Fluff. Grad student au!; grad student! jungkook; grad student! reader; grad student! bts

Word count: 4.6k

Warnings: Suggestive language, mild kissing. Not much else really.

Summary: At the beginning of your third year of your PhD program, you didn’t expect many changes. Until the new PhD cohort started classes, and Jeon Jungkook became part of your group of friends.

A/N: i just wrote this randomly with zero plot in mind. idk what this ended up becoming but read it and lemme know if you like it? 

“Choi is a madwoman. I swear she makes me do so many lit reviews just to see me suffer.” Park Jimin, 2nd year PhD student, works part time at HopeWorld dance studio, and is currently regretting many of his life choices.

“I told you not to say yes to every single project that came your way.” Min Yoongi, 4th year PhD student, weekend DJ at Club Moonlight, recipient of the university’s most prestigious research grant, currently lives in a posh apartment four streets away from the main research lab.

“We’re older. Which means we have more experience. Which means we tend to be right more often.” Kim Seokjin, another 4th year PhD student, enrolled into the PhD program after realising that the completion of his MBA meant he would have to join the family business, amateur chef with professional sass, and sole reason behind Min Yoongi being able to afford living in a posh apartment four streets away from the main research lab.

“Not when you bet Tae he couldn’t finish grading Kang’s first year Intro class papers in 24 hours.” Jung Hoseok, 3rd year PhD student, simultaneously working on a second Master’s degree, also happens to run HopeWorld dance studio during his oodles of free time.

“Speaking of, weren’t you supposed to treat us if you lost the bet, Seokjin?” Kim Namjoon, 3rd year PhD student, plant dad, head of the graduate student council, and all-around overachiever.

“Tae was supposed to choose the place. Did you decide on which exorbitantly expensive restaurant Seokjin is going to take us to, Tae?” Y/L/N Y/N, 3rd year PhD student, roommates with Namjoon and Hoseok, addicted to bubble tea.

“I have a better plan. The incoming first year PhDs are supposed to have their orientation tomorrow. I think Seokjin should organise a mixer to welcome them.” Kim Taehyung, aforementioned ‘Tae’, 2nd year PhD student, works part time at the local art gallery, roommates with Park Jimin, deceptively fast at grading papers.

“I do not remember agreeing to that,” said Seokjin, with a frown, shutting his laptop with a definitive snap.

“Come on, it’s not like you can’t afford it,” Yoongi remarked, not having looked up from the large stack of papers in front of him. “If you can insist on paying 3/4ths of the ridiculously high rent of our apartment even though we could have moved into the perfectly reasonable priced place 20 minutes away from the lab, you can damn well afford to host a mixer for the incoming cohort.”

“20 minutes by car. It takes 45 minutes to walk there, Yoongi. Or do I need to remind you of the fact that only Y/N and Sooyoung own cars in our department?” scoffed Seokjin.

“Do I hear trouble in paradise? Have Yoongi and Seokjin finally had their first fight after years of marital bliss?” Lim Sooyoung, 4th year PhD student, part-time yoga instructor, full-time reluctant designated driver due to being the only other PhD student in the department with a car. 

“Hilarious,” grumbled Seokjin. “That joke is about as old as the milk carton at the bottom of Namjoon’s fridge.”

“That’s still there?” asked Hoseok, scandalised. “You told me you threw that out 4 months ago!”

“It’s a limited edition Blue Bean milk carton! I couldn’t throw it out, Hobi,” replied Namjoon, sheepishly. The use of Hoseok’s nickname meant that he had run out of logical arguments against throwing out the milk carton that had been purchased three months into their first year of doctoral studies. 

“Have you ever considered emptying out the contents and keeping just the carton?” you asked. This suggestion was met with the raising of an eyebrow and the throwing of an airpod by Namjoon. Unfortunately, this also meant that the airpod didn’t reach its intended target.

“Ow!” exclaimed Hoseok, rubbing the side of his face where the airpod had made contact. “This is why you’ve been through 33 pairs of airpods in the last year, Namjoon! You have dormant violent tendencies and terrible hand-eye coordination.”

“Now back to that mixer,” said Taehyung, turning towards Seokjin. “I’m thinking around 5 pm at the Underground should be good. What do you think?”

“Fine,” sighed Seokjin, reluctantly. “I’ll send a message on Slack. Who’s got the first years’ contact info?”

xxx

The next day, you found yourself struggling to find parking outside the Underground, despite it being 4.30 pm on a Tuesday. Namjoon and Hoseok were sitting at the back and discussing ways in which they could watch as many of the student films that were being shown over the weekend, while Taehyung sat shotgun and muttered to himself as he tried to destroy some kind of adversary on that godforsaken game that he always seemed to play. You whipped out your phone and started texting Sooyoung about whether she had found any parking.

SY: just parked… sending you the location… its behind the club

SY: is seokjin with you

Y/N: thanks!

Y/N: no i’ve got tae joon n hobi 

SY: ok… wonder how he’s getting here… yoongi’s with me… said seokjin left a while back

Y/N: idk… sure he found something… uber or lyft or whatever… don't worry he won't ditch lol 

Y/N: i found a spot damnnnnn. cya in a bit

SY: lol tae wouldn’t let him live if he ditched

SY: nice :D yoongi and i are in the purple section

The purple section was undoubtedly the best spot in the Underground, as you had discovered almost 2 years ago. Being new to the city, you had basically followed Joon and Hobi wherever they went to socialize or get food. It was around the end of your second month in the program that Seokjin planned a mid-semester gathering, refusing to eat at, in his words, “another cheap taco truck masquerading as kitschy Instagram bait”. That was your first encounter with the Underground as well as your first experience in the purple section. Simply put, it had the best sofas and chairs, an abundance of vintage arcade games, easy access to the bar and food counter, and a separate music setup. It also cost a lot more to sit at the purple section, but Seokjin had never been the type to scrimp when it came to anything. It had become a kind of tradition after that; every time someone had a birthday, Seokjin would reserve the purple section for the evening. Not having grown up surrounded by luxury and riches, it was sometimes difficult for you to understand how Seokjin never thought twice before spending money on things. Then again, you doubted you would’ve been this thoughtful even if you had this kind of money at your disposal. Seokjin might’ve been hard to read at times, but his heart was in the right place.

Speaking of, you spotted Seokjin standing next to a couple of people you didn’t recognise. Deciding that this was probably the best time to get introduced to the first years, you walked over to them with a smile.

“Just deposited Joon, Hobi, and Tae near the bar. I feel sorry for your tab today, Seokjin.”

Seokjin lifted one of his thick arched eyebrows at you and then burst into his signature windshield wiper laugh. “I’ll give them a free pass today. Afterall, it’s the beginning of a new academic year!”

“You’re planning on dumping all of Kang’s data analysis on them, aren’t you?” you asked, trying to suppress a grin.

“Ah, Y/N, you know me so well,” he grinned, his features lighting up mischievously. “By the way, here’s two thirds of the new cohort. Song Yeri and Jeon Jungkook.”

You glanced at the two unfamiliar people and smiled in greeting. Yeri was a petite girl with long black hair who quickly fell into conversation with you. Jungkook, on the other hand, gave you a soft nod and walked over to where Jimin was opening a couple of beers. 

“So is Professor Kang someone we should be worried about?” asked Yeri, not giving you much time to pay much attention to Jungkook. “I wouldn’t want to be unprepared.”

Seokjin laughed at her worried tone. “Straight off the bat, huh?” 

Yeri flushed slightly, tucking her hair behind her ear self-consciously. “Oh no- I mean, it just seemed like that from your conversation!”

“Don’t worry, Yeri,” you assured her. “Seokjin’s a fourth year - not much phases him. He’s doing his PhD under Kang so he has to do tons of data analysis for her projects. Which he sometimes dumps on people who have been bothering him.”

Yeri looked suitably concerned at this new piece of information. She glanced at Seokjin’s handsome profile and smiled uncertainly. You couldn’t help but giggle at her reaction. It really was difficult to get a grasp on everyone’s personalities just by their looks. Each and every guy in the department was strikingly handsome, and Sooyoung, the only other female besides you, looked like she had walked out of a fashion show. It would’ve been extremely intimidating if you hadn’t personally been a witness to how clumsy Namjoon was, how lame Seokjin’s puns were, how scared Yoongi and Hoseok were of anything remotely resembling an insect, how Tae hadn’t managed to cook a single meal without setting off the fire alarm or giving Jimin food poisoning, how Jimin often collided into objects because he was laughing too much, or how Sooyoung had gotten lost multiple times on her way to campus in spite of driving along the same road for more than 3 years. You were sure Yeri, and the other two first years, would definitely get over the initial nerves and intimidation surrounding their colleagues. In fact, if Jungkook’s animated conversation with Jimin was anything to go by, it seemed like he had gotten over that already.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to the others.” You steered Yeri in Sooyoung and Yoongi’s direction.

xxx

“Thanksgiving next week! I cannot wait to get away from this blasted Ethics class!” 

You were currently in Seokjin and Yoongi’s shared posh apartment, trying to proof-read a paper before the conference deadline. On the couch next to you sat Seokjin and Namjoon, eyes blinking rapidly in tiredness, while Jimin sat across from you, his silver hair tied into a messy ponytail. 

The door to the apartment swung open at that moment as Jungkook walked in, armed with takeout from at least 4 different places.

“I come bearing sustenance,” he announced, as Jimin jumped up with surprising alacrity and rushed towards him. 

“Your Busan blood runs strong, my friend,” said Jimin, appreciatively, eyeing all the different containers on the table. “I knew I could count on you.”

“That makes zero sense, Jimin,” scoffed Sooyoung. She was buried deep inside Yoongi’s favorite bean bag, having taken it over since the owner was currently not at home. “But li’l Jeon has proven to be a valuable addition to our department.”

“Ugh! Don’t call him that! Li’l Jeon sounds like something else,” you said, scrunching your nose in distaste.

“I agree,” replied Jungkook, rolling up his sleeves as he began opening the containers carefully. “But i can assure you of one thing - there is nothing li’l about this Jeon. In any sense of the word.”

“I’ve lost my appetite,” you declared, throwing a particularly soft pillow over your face. 

Three months into the semester and Jungkook had become an integral part of your group of friends. It had turned out that Jungkook and Jimin knew each other very well, having gone to school together in Busan. It’s not as if you hadn’t become well acquainted with the other two first years - Yeri still consulted you whenever she needed advice on how to deal with grading or professors or classes in general; and Lauren, an international student from France, was very friendly and turned up at all the department hangouts. But Jungkook seemed like he had been part of your group forever - not someone who had met almost everyone for the first time about 3 months ago. As was customary with first year PhD students, they were required to complete a few mandatory courses before being allowed to customize their coursework around their individual research interests. So even though Jungkook had all the same classes with Yeri and Lauren, almost every moment outside of classes was spent with one of you.

“I can’t believe it’s already time for Thanksgiving,” said Jimin, popping an entire dumpling into his mouth. “-ime eeli plyz.”

“Chew your food, you barbarian,” scolded Seokjin, blowing on a particularly large piece of fried chicken before putting the entirety into his mouth. A couple of chews and a large swallow later, Seokjin was ready for a second piece.

“Speak for yourself,” remarked Sooyoung, holding onto her food protectively.

“I remember Yoongi telling us during our orientation,” Namjoon piped up, a can of beer in his hand. “‘In a PhD program, days are slow, but semesters are fast’. I thought he was high at that time, but I realise now that he’s a true genius.”

“I still don’t get why you’re such a Yoongi fanboy,” grumbled Seokjin, settling comfortably into the couch once again. “I’m just as wise, and definitely a lot funnier.”

“Don’t forget about being a drama queen,” said Sooyoung, nudging Seokjin’s knee with her toes. “You’ve got that one over Yoongi as well.”

“Four years and you're still as ungrateful,” sighed Seokjin, looking uncharacteristically cheerful at the teasing. 

“At least I’m consistent,” shrugged Sooyoung. “Gimme some of your kimchi.”

“Consistency is only useful across data samples,” remarked Seokjin, picking up a small amount of kimchi with his chopsticks and feeding Sooyoung. “Not sure how desirable it is in human relationships. Life would be unbearably dull in that case.” 

“They’ve been dancing around each other for as long as I’ve known them. Why can’t they just get together and stop their incessant flirting in front of the rest of us,” you muttered darkly, vigorously pouring chili oil over your ramen. You, Namjoon, and Jungkook were still getting your food from the kitchen, while Jimin had gone ahead and joined the incessantly flirting pair in the living room.

“Y/N is always so bitter about anything to do with romance,” chuckled Namjoon. “Jungkook, do you know how annoyed she was when Hobi started dating last year?”

“No, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of hearing that story.” Jungkook glanced at you cheekily, while popping open a can of beer.

“She didn’t speak to him for an entire week. Which was particularly inconvenient because the three of us had just started living in the same apartment, and we were all assigned to assist Choi on her year-end department survey. Poor Hobi thought he might have to find a new place to live.” 

“I’m sorry? Were you the one who came back home after extended office hours to find your friend butt-naked and balls-deep inside the barista who works across the street from our lab? I couldn’t get coffee from there for a month because I couldn’t look Sujin in the eye without immediately imagining Hobi in his natural drawers.”

Jungkook, who had chosen this exact moment to take a sip of beer, spat out the amber liquid on an unsuspecting Namjoon. 

“That’s what you get for deriving pleasure from other people’s misfortunes,” you remarked, smugly.

xxx

It was around 11.30 in the morning, when you heard a loud knocking on your apartment door. Classes had broken for Thanksgiving yesterday, which meant that today was your day to catch up on all the sleep you had missed over the last three months. But instead, you had been woken up much ahead of your intended 16 hours of sleep schedule. 

“You look awful.”

Jungkook walked into the apartment, looking far too fresh and sprightly for your liking. He was wearing that godforsaken plaid shirt that hung loosely off his body, but would highlight his rather well-defined muscles every time he happened to move in a particular way. You absolutely hated what a tease his shirt was. Fortunately for you, he wasn’t wearing the skin tight black jeans which always looked like they were about to burst at the seams, thanks to Jungkook’s equally well-defined thighs. 

“It’s not even noon. Why can’t you call before showing up? Where are your manners, Jeon?” you grumbled, checking to see if your pajamas had any glaring holes in them.

“I need help with the data analysis,” he mumbled sheepishly. “Professor Lee gave me a really tough dataset because I breezed through the first two assignments.”

“Still don’t see why you came over without any notice at this ungodly hour,” you continued, tapping your foot impatiently.

“I also got jjajangmyeon, kimbap, and bubble tea from Kimchi Palace.”

“What kind of bubble tea?” you asked, pushing yourself off the doorframe.

“Strawberry milk tea, half sugar, light ice, with extra strawberry jelly, and no boba.”

“I suppose it isn’t that early.”

A few minutes later, you were explaining principal component analysis to Jungkook, while eating jjajangmyeon and sipping bubble tea. The kimbap was put into the fridge for later, in case Namjoon or Hoseok wanted to have some when they got home at night. 

Jungkook was very intelligent; he picked up new concepts quite easily and was one hundred percent committed to whatever he worked on. He also had a refreshing sense of humor, where he didn’t always crack jokes or stay in the limelight, but his occasional quips were enough to send everyone into fits of laughter. He got along extremely well with each of them. He and Taehyung often walked around the city taking obscure, artsy photographs. Seokjin had basically adopted Jungkook as a younger brother due to his video gaming abilities. Namjoon was glad to finally have someone who enjoyed going on nature hikes with him, while Hoseok had been hugely impressed at Jungkook’s dancing and promptly asked him to help out at his studio. Jimin already knew Jungkook quite well, and Yoongi was more than happy to teach someone else the intricacies of cooking different kinds of meat. Even Sooyoung, who usually remained closed off from new people, had allowed Jungkook to use her car whenever someone needed to be picked up but she was too exhausted to drive. 

“I’m sorry I came by so early. I know you’ve been looking forward to catching up on sleep over the break,” he said softly, looking up from his laptop. That was the other thing that had struck you about Jungkook, he was very perceptive and sensitive to people around him. A rare quality which you appreciated far more than you let on.

“It’s fine. You saved me from having to cook lunch. That itself deserves many prizes from my end. You know how I hate cooking,” you shrugged.

“Speaking of, I’m making dinner for me and Tae tonight. Jimin’s visiting his brother, so it's just the two of us. And since I’d rather not get food poisoning, I’m putting Yoongi’s lamb chop recipe to good use,” he grinned boyishly. “You should come over if you don’t have anything else planned. It’ll save you from cooking another meal.”

“I might take you up on that offer. Let me check if either Joon or Hobi are having dinner at home, otherwise I’ll definitely be there.”

xxx

Taehyung and Jimin (and now Jungkook) lived about 10 minutes away from your place. It was a much larger apartment, so three people were more than comfortable there. Jungkook was staying there until he found another place to stay, but judging by how happy Jimin and Taehyung were with him around, he would probably end up staying with them permanently.

“I found parking at your building for the first time today,” you remarked, dropping your bag on the nearest couch. 

“Half the people are visiting family over the weekend. You won’t be so lucky next time.” Taehyung walked over lazily, his thick black hair falling messily over his eyes. He was dressed in his favorite Celine t-shirt and a pair of the loosest pants you had seen till date.

“The perm’s still looking good, Tae,” you grinned at him, taking the soda from his hand. 

“I’m planning on getting it done again once it wears off,” he said happily, settling into the couch. “Catch up on your sleep? Or did Gguk ruin your Thanksgiving plans as well?”

“‘As well’?” you asked, trying to suppress a grin.

“Taking advantage of the nearly empty laundry room and washing all the sheets does not count as ‘ruining’ anyone’s Thanksgiving plans!” yelled Jungkook from inside the kitchen.

“He woke me up at 7 am and stripped the sheets off my bed, emptied all our laundry bags, and locked me out of my room so that I wouldn’t dirty the bare mattress with my grubby clothes.” Taehyung’s grumbling was always extremely funny because he would end up pouting by the end of his rant and no one would take him seriously after that.

“Okay, the bread is in the oven and should be ready in about 15. Lamb chops are almost done as well. We’ll be dining in no time,” said Jungkook, flopping onto the couch beside you.

“That gives me enough time to answer the emails Choi sent me this morning. Jimin was right, she’s a madwoman. Doesn’t understand what ‘a break’ is , apparently,” sighed Taehyung, getting up and walking towards his room. “Lemme know when the food is ready.”

3 years ago, if anyone had told you that you would be more than halfway through your PhD having become close friends with seven of the most handsome guys on campus (or even in the country), you would’ve laughed at them and then silently questioned their sanity. But now, you couldn’t imagine life without them. Even Jungkook, you realised, glancing at the boy next to you. He had also become an extremely important part of your life. He didn’t say much, but his actions made things abundantly clear. He was extremely caring and thoughtful, even if he didn’t always have the right words to express himself. 

“What’re you thinking?” he asked, looking at you sleepily.

“That this soda is almost lukewarm.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not.”

Suddenly, you felt a rough set of fingers poking your ribcage. Slowly, but surely, you were squirming in place as you struggled to not spill your soda while Jungkook continued tickling you mercilessly. 

“I know your weakness, remember?” he managed to say between giggles, his voice turning high-pitched as it usually did when he laughed too hard. 

“Gguk stop! The soda! It’ll spill on the carpet!” you gasped, trying to keep your hand steady.

“Oh shit! Sorry. Yeah, Jimin would freak out if he saw a stain on this carpet.” Jungkook let you go so that you could place the soda can on the nearest table. But as soon as you had freed your hands, you jumped on him and pinned him on the couch.

“I also know your weakness, Gguk,” you grinned, deviously, before tickling him with all your might. 

Needless to say, a scenario with two people in their mid-twenties behaving like 4 year olds, was bound to have certain consequences. In this case, it ended with both you and Jungkook falling off the couch, your faces mere inches away from each other. 

This wasn’t the first time you had been struck by how handsome Jungkook was. In fact, you had noticed the exact number of moles on his face and neck, having stopped yourself from reaching out and touching the one under his lower lip on more than one occasion. His large doe eyes also held a certain innocence and wonder in them, even though he was an extremely bright and capable PhD student with a lot of varied knowledge bases. Not just that, his impressive physique had caught you off guard many times. Particularly because it contrasted so heavily with his boyish face.

None of that mattered at this moment, as you could feel his breath on your face. He was so close… If you reached up a little bit, you would be-

“The oven timer’s been beeping for the last 10 minutes. But you both are too busy eye-fucking each other to notice.”

Taehyung’s deep voice caused you both to spring apart from each other, mortification heating up your face and neck. Jungkook’s ears, you noticed, had turned a very beautiful shade of red as well.

Dinner wasn’t as awkward as you expected because Yoongi dropped by a few minutes after your ‘eye-fucking’ session, extremely hungry and annoyed at Seokjin - who had decided to use this night to slow cook some pork.

“Gguk, this is really good,” said Yoongi, once all of you had finished eating. “Didn’t think you’d be able to get it right on the first go! Y/N, what’d you think? You’ve been awfully quiet the whole time.”

You nodded your head in response, keenly aware of Taehyung’s intense gaze that followed your every move. “It was really good, Gguk. Thanks for a lovely meal.”

“Do you need a ride home, Yoongi?” you asked, once all the dishes had been cleared away. “I’ve got my car.”

“Life-saver. I need to pick up a tin of coffee from the convenience store. I’ll meet you at the parking lot in 10?” said Yoongi slipping on his jacket.

“Wait, I’ll go with you. I need to buy some soda,” said Taehyung, springing up suddenly. Not bothering to change out of his slippers, he rushed out after Yoongi, but not before glancing quickly between you and Jungkook and sending you a rather outrageous wink.

“That was… weird,” you remarked, relieved to see that Jungkook had missed your exchange with Taehyung. “Anyway, thanks again for a great meal. You’re a really good cook, Gguk.”

“Thanks,” he said, not really looking up from his phone. He had also been rather silent throughout the meal.

“I’m heading out then. See you later, Gguk.” You picked up your bag and proceeded to open the door.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You turned around to find Jungkook standing rather close to you. You could see the mole below his lower lip quite clearly from here.

“You never told me what you were thinking about.” His voice was a lot more husky than usual, and you gulped as you realised you had no clue what to say to him.

“I-”

Before you could finish your half-formed sentence, Jungkook’s lips were on yours, kissing you slowly. After being frozen for a second or two, your hands made their way into his soft brown curls, relishing in the feeling of having him so close to you. You realised that you had been wanting to do this for a while now. Maybe even since the first day of classes, when he had offered you his cup of coffee after the machine in the department had stopped working. 

“Never mind,” he said, breaking the kiss with a soft ‘chu’. “You can tell me another time. Yoongi’s probably waiting at the parking lot.”

“And Tae might come back any minute now,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, a soft smile on his face. 

“Tomorrow?” It seemed like your brain had short circuited. 

“Yeah.” He dipped down and placed another chaste kiss on your mouth, before displaying his adorable bunny smile. “But even that seems too far away right now.”

You were really grateful that you managed to get both yourself and Yoongi home without crashing the car that night. Once you got home, you checked your phone and found two messages - a text from Jungkook checking if you had reached home safe, and another one from Taehyung.

T: the couch is off limits. don’t even think about it...

xxx

please do not repost anywhere. reblog if you enjoyed the story!

[damnitdyna-blog]

My Break Up Pt. II

I’ve stayed quiet and never addressed the issues that came directly after my initial Tumblr post back in November. I didn’t have the mental capacity for it, and needed time to let everything sink in. I slowly started writing this post at the beginning of the year. Unexpectedly, the world hits us with a pandemic and I became hesitant on sharing. Though I do acknowledge there are larger issues going on in the world and we’re in a place of uncertainty. The quest to continue the truth, my truth, is still the goal.

I live in a world where women are taught to use their voice and speak even if their voice cracks. When I finally found courage in doing so, I’m told some things I shared were lies by my ex-boyfriend. The same man who went radio silent on social media for a whole month soon after I shared my story but managed to send me a “cease and desist” letter via email demanding I take my post down or there will be legal consequences. To force a woman to remove her survival story is a scared tactic and a form of bullying. 

I don’t need to prove anyone wrong for accusing me of lying. However, I’d like to clear the air on some claims he's made about me.

1.) It was brought to my attention that there are claims I knew about the nude photograph he took of me and that I immediately shared the image to the internet and Snapchat.

 I’d like to elaborate on details I failed to mention in my initial post from November because I only highlighted the main points. I understand small details are just as important. But here's the full truth....

• I did NOT know nor asked him to take a photograph of me while I was showering. 

 • He did surprise me with the image after I finished showering. I laughed and called him a pervert for being sneaky.

 • I shared a CENSORED version of the photograph to my friends via Snapchat to poke fun at him for being a “perverted boyfriend.” Censored as in, it was edited with a censored mark covering my body.

 • Sharing a censored version on Snapchat does NOT give him permission to share the full raw image to a woman soon after it was taken.

 • I do NOT know this woman and didn’t realize she’s been following and interacting with me through social media this entire time.

 2.) I have legal documents signed by a judge of the Superior Court highlighting some of his response to my petition for a restraining order. "He was trying to set up a sexual tryst and seriously misread Petitioner's willingness to participate.” Claiming he “seriously misread” would indicate that a conversation such as was brought up at one point in time or place between the both of us. To my understanding, we were in a monogamous relationship. I was unaware he was having sexual relations with other people let alone exchanging nude images of me with strangers to initiate sex.

Half way into our relationship, I noticed a sudden change in behavior where he would decline sexual intimacy any time I would initiate it. There was always an excuse to avoid it that it began to worry me.  I asked him questions, but he’d reassure me how happy he is to be with me and is excited about building a future together. I would then sweep it under the rug to prevent an argument. To say he “seriously misread my willingness to participate” in a sexual activity perhaps with a third party knowing his constant refusal to have sex with me is a bit of a stretch and a slap in the face.

3.) There's claims that I broke into his apartment after I gave up my apartment key to him. 

It's OUR apartment in case there's any confusion. My name is included on the lease. He agreed to cover my half of rent + utilities February - April 2019. I ended up paying for our utilities each month including additional late fees while he kept our security deposit that we did not agree on.

April 30th, 2019 was the move out date. 

April 7, 2019, I signed the document as stated below:

The apartment key “I gave up” was not a result of me no longer living there. On March 23, 2019, I was heading home to be with family. I specifically left the key with him to give to our guest visiting from Portland, Oregon for access to the apartment building without complications. I would have kept the apartment key if we didn't have a guest. Some of my belongings were still at the apartment so I knew I would return to pick them up. Here’s my DM with our guest dated Mar 23, 2019 soon as I left.

On Saturday, April 6, 2019, I “broke into” OUR apartment to pick up the rest of my belongings out of hurt and frustration when I found out his current girlfriend was continuously at our apartment while I was away with family for emotional support. I no longer had the key to our place, so I went into the property manager’s office to request a spare one. I first contacted his current girlfriend on March 28, 2019, through Instagram, when I learned she came over to our apartment. I was alarmed that my ex-boyfriend invited another woman into our home approximately 5 days after I stepped away to be with family. I believe every woman’s natural reaction would be emotionally distraught upon learning there is another woman in your home. In the message, I respectfully notified her explaining the situation she’s in which she claims she was unaware of. I did not create animosity and didn’t demand she leave my apartment; though I had every right to. I wanted her to make an educated decision on her own whether or not she feels comfortable to be in my home knowing she’s caught in the thick of our breakup. 

4.) He claims I sent my Tumblr post to his associates and family members insinuating I was harassing them. 

I shared it with 3 women whom I’ve already had prior interactions with. The first woman is a close girl friend who marveled over his excitement and happiness since he's been with me. The second woman is his best friend’s wife who gave me motivational advices to help me cope with the break up. The third woman is his ex-girlfriend of several years. 

However, there's legal document that shows a screenshot text conversation between my ex-boyfriend and a gentleman whom I share mutual associates with. I read the gentleman telling my ex-boyfriend that he received my Tumblr post directly from me which is NOT true. It didn't take me long enough to figure out the conversation between the two of them were rehearsed or photoshopped. It's one thing for my ex-boyfriend to lie. But to create or photoshop a fake conversation because he needed an ally is wrong. 

Through my healing journey, I’m learning that the way we respond to specific behaviors is a measurement of our character and the type of individual beings we are. I can only imagine when you’re caught in the heat that you’re bound to create falsified stories to protect your image rather than taking accountability. The fact that we’re even having a dialogue about a man I was in love with whom I trusted violating my privacy is beyond disturbing. Those were personal photos and moments between myself, him, and the four walls we were in. It’s disheartening that someone like him feels entitled enough to share something like that to the world. I have no clue what this woman has done with my photograph and who she might have shared it to. If my ex-boyfriend did something like this, I cannot imagine what else he’s done that I haven't yet discovered. 

I don’t think people understand the magnitude of how traumatizing this is for me and how it’ll affect me in future relationships moving forward. It’s caused me emotional damage where I had to seek therapy. I never received an apology from him till this day other than a cease and desist letter demanding my post to be taken down to keep me quiet. Between finding not only the right lawyer but one I was comfortable with in handling a non-consensual pornography case and juggling both school + work full time, it became extremely complicated and overwhelming. It took a toll on me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I didn’t fully go through with pressing charges. Nothing can make up for the damage that’s been done. I just wanted everything to go away; the pain and heartache. Please understand that just because a case didn’t go in full effect, that doesn’t mean it never happened. 

One may seek a new partner directly after a relationships ends to fill a void if it means to ignore accountability for the suffering of others. But their biggest punishment is that they are who they are. I think back to the conversation we had in our bedroom apartment when he opened up about his estranged older sister who went on his social media leaving a specific comment about him. Going through what I went through and knowing what I know now, I question if her claims are in fact true. If they are, may God be with his new born daughter when she arrives. 

[cliquestitsandicks]

Tracking Kat

Episode 1: Kat is mourning the end of her relationship with Adena. It has been 5 weeks since the breakup in Paris. She's still looking at old pictures of them and posted one. She still hasn't sent Adena's equipment to her, even though Adena has been texting her asking for it. By the end of the episode, she's admitted to (in order) Alex, Patrick, and Jane & Sutton that she is not okay. She is still sad about the end of her relationship. Alex tells her "you're so hard on yourself. You got your heart broken. There's no expiration date on heartbreak. You move on when you're ready to move on and when you *are* ready, you will find someone amazing. Someone who will never leave." Then Patrick is an entitled, invasive dick. She told her girls she wasn't ready for it to be real yet and that's why she hadn't told them... but she broke down in front of them. She'd finally accepted it was over. End of the episode, she makes an instagram post exposing her vulnerability to the world and packs up Adena's things for good.

Episode 2: Kat injects Jane for fertility treatment. She is very familiar with Jane's reproductive system at this point - best friends. She learns the Wild Susan, a club Adena took her to that became a safe space she frequents and which happens to be 1 of only TWO lesbian bars in the city, is closing. She learns the only reason it's happening is because developers want to gentrify the neighborhood. We learn Kat has a lawyer (not sure how that may come up later) that she met through the #BeReal campaign. Anyway, Kat throws a queer prom as a fundraiser to help save the Wild Susan. It ultimately fails because $42,000 in one night from poor people is a bit much. But it was a valiant effort and, as Kat learns, the gentrifiers were well aware of its impossibility. This episode is leading up to her political career. "I've been so into my feelings lately, it feels really good to challenge my energy into something that really matters". I am so proud of Kat. In Season 1, I would have worried she was avoiding her feelings, but the writers made a big deal of showing she's done the exact opposite of that in the prior episode.

Episode 3: Kat has been researching councilman Reynolds and he's a total piece of shit - helping gentrifiers, cutting funding to parks, and voting against paid maternity leave. She's fired up. Our girl is P A S S I O N A T E & informed! We meet the councilwoman for whom she plans to volunteer and her campaign manager, Tia. Tia's a tiny, bubbly boss with natural hair and a bright smile and we see Kat brighten up. We later learn she and Kat have more in common, both being NYU grads (actually overlapping while there) and both brilliant. Tia, however, is not from a wealthy and connected background. In their initial meeting, Kat tells Tia "I'm just looking for something to channel my rage and depression". Kat enlists her besties to help get the councilwoman to unseat problematic Reynolds. Sutton clearly sees something between Kat and Tia because she does a friend's background check (checking the social media) and tells Kat she looks very single to which Kat responds "it really doesn't matter because I'm still getting over Adena" and Jane seems skeptical of Kat's protestations with her silent smirk. We learn Kat has really soft lips. Kat is the voice of reason for Alex, being the first one to acknowledge the hypersexual "dangerous" Black man depiction that will likely be projected onto him if he admits he is the man in his friend's story. Then we see her naturally command the crowd at the rally. Again, I am so proud of Kat. She isn't holding back when she knows she should speak up. She's taking control of her narrative. She's fighting for what's right in a constructive manner. And now Tia, who has way more experience with this than Kat, is recommending she run for office.

Episode 4: We start the episode with Kat describing what would be her district and job description to her best friends. She's looking excited about the potential to do something that matters and really help people. In her conversation with the Toby (?. don't know, don't care), we get to see more of Tia being supportive of Kat and Kat being confronted with whether she's motivated to actually run or just wants someone to beat Reynolds. We learn Kat had an abortion in 2013 when she was 20 AS IS HER GOTDAMN RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S HER BODY, but it's something she's felt some sort of shame/concern over seeing as nobody close to her knew about it. Then, and this is so great, after telling her friends she has the conversation with Tia. Tia shares that she's had one as well and completely understands not wanting it to be public knowledge, but in sharing her experience educates Kat on yet another way vulnerable people are having their rights stripped, this time through manipulation and "crisis centers" that shouldn't exist. Tia remains supportive and doesn't pressure Kat at all with her decision. "I am by your side if they come for you, but you gotta do what's right for you". When we get that great speech from Jacqueline we see Kat being moved my the statement that you'll never know what you're capable of if you don't take a leap faith to face challenges that frighten you, then you'll never know what you're capable of. [i'd like to pause right now to say Jacqueline is fucking wonderful and i love her like my white auntie. also Sutton needed to hear that again just as much as Kat and i really appreciate this entire moment.] When Kat leaves Jacqueline's celebration, she passes by one of those "crisis centers" Tia told her about and decides to use her voice to help others. "I like to think of myself as a pretty strong, empowered, forward-thinking, open-minded woman. But, up until now, I haven't been able to talk about my abortion. If me putting myself out there helps even one woman to feel less alone, less ashamed, and less guilty then it's worth it." And just like us, dear Tia is blown away. She actually exhales a breath she didn't know she was holding and biiiiiiiitch (!!!! excitedly). and then they're dancing! This is the episode, upon rewatch, when i recognize how often Tia touches Kat unnecessarily.

Episode 5: Kat's entire recap includes Tia, ending with Sutton saying "she seems to be very single". Her very first scene, Tia is complimenting her walking out of some campaigning event we later learn was a Town Hall. Can we just talk about Kat's blazer for a second? First of all, i want it. Second, how did they find something so perfectly her? It's colorful but still semi-professional, fun, but still about her business. Heart-eye inducing. ok. So the next time we see Kat, she and Tia (whose last name they finally mention as Clayton) are reviewing campaign platform and doing debate prep at Kat's apartment. Tia's complimenting Kat almost continuously at this point. Clearly she's impressed, borderline gushing. and Kat tries to brush it off. Tia's not letting her. And there's this moment when Tia forces herself to break eye contact with her (around 5:40 of the episode). The show tells us Kat still hasn't dated since Adena, but Sutton brings up the "stupid smile" she gets whenever Tia's mentioned. She's making better decisions than Patrick and her being compared to Patrick is lowkey happening a lot. I'm starting to wonder if they're setting up Kat taking over digital if she doesn't win the campaign. Ok, the song choice as they pan to Kat and Tia... "I never normally check my phone 10 times in a minute. I'm not the girl to be kept on hold 10 miles from the finish." Again, Tia is very touchy with Kat, never anything inappropriate of course, but the hand is always on the back or the arm. and their interaction is just.. lovely. I squeal. it's so cute. they're so comfortable. Kat invites Tia to the dinner BEFORE (i got the timing on that mixed up before) Tia says she's "a boring straight girl" [the test determined that was a LIE... nah, my good sis Tia is dealing with some internalized homophobia which is no joking matter, but we don't learn that until the next episode]. Apparently, Kat can cook now? So she just liked Adena's food better i guess? idk... anyway. I get why some of the things Tia said can be taken as flirting, but i still believe that you accept what someone says is their sexuality until they say otherwise. yes, that's even when they're saying things like "when i see what i want, i go for it" and "Annndd she can cook. it's hot" and looking at you like that. Kat telling Jane to apologize because he's her boss and she got suuuper disrespectful and would absolutely deserve getting fired makes me proud. She's the mature friend now. She's the one with a level head on her shoulders. Kat finally makes her feelings known to Tia, but this is after Tia has already stated she's straight. Tia reiterates that this is a professional relationship and apologizes for Kat getting the wrong idea. I'm reminded of when Alex Danvers told Maggie Sawyer she was into her and she was rejected... but in that example i was floored and heartbroken for Alex because ugh, i just didn't see that coming. With this, however, it felt like Tia was clear in her words even if it shocked the hell out of me what the words were. So i didn't feel heartbroken for Kat. I thought... tbh... she brought it on herself for refusing to respect Tia's "no", however soft it was. But the writers did let us know it wasn't over with the music selection... Kat looking at "You and Tia make a great team :)" as "I'll go to war for you" plays.

Episode 6: All the emails have been released and Kat has no worries at all about that because she's a professional. And we get to see her be a boss addressing the entire group. Patrick isn't there this episode (YAY for our sanity!) and i think Kat being a boss so often when Patrick isn't around is intentional. When we see Tia, she says last night is forgotten but she thinks it's a bad idea to remain Kat's campaign manager... which is clearly a hard rejection. One can argue that it's too harsh for someone merely admitting they were into you. But it's just as easy to argue that it's appropriate after telling someone, very clearly, that you are not into them romantically and them ignoring that and saying that you were flirting with them on this date they never called a date before you were already there?? so i'm not mad at it. At the end of the episode, we find out that Tia was rejecting herself, not Kat. Turns out, Ms. Tia Clayton has known she's attracted to women since she was in high school, but she "didn't want to want it". Tia is so TINY AND ANXIOUS ABOUT HER SEXUALITY AND MANY OF US HAVE BEEN THERE. But... and i say this in jest... for someone who is really trying not to be out in the open with her gay, she sure was comfortable kissing Kat all outdoors for anyone to see. My good sis is smitten. I'm excited for the story. Again with the music during their scenes though... "I cannot fallll in love with youuuuu. I cannot feeeeel this way so soon, so soon." Also, my girlfriend and I have watched the gifset of the kiss over the phone and swooned (we live in different states for now). This episode, we also got the flashbacks (i missed Lauren so much). Kat's got red streaks in her hair, is a friend to strangers, has regrettable sex with men who taste like pickles, and is cute as a button. She also called Jacqueline "Mama Jackie" and that's it; that's her name now.

[sprydecreates]

ferry lookout

requested: nope

warnings: mentions of drinking, language

pairings: calum hood x reader

type: fluff w an angst scene ; headcanon/list ; 3.4k+ words ; gender neutral

summary: you and college!calum finally thought you had found something with each other. too bad there was a miscommunication. or is it?

a/n: i originally intended for this to be a valentine’s day thing, but it never felt right for it. so i spruced it up, and i think it finally feels decent.

i’ve been off my writing game for a bit, so i’m sorry if it feels different halfway through (this is due to being off me game and also changing the idea completely). hope you like it either way! i think it’s sweet.

it was a kind of restless night, and you and calum were having a drive to a lookout.

everyone had things to do, except cal.

ash had a night at the club

mike and luke were studying for an exam they both had the following day

so, cal texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out.

you and calum exchanged numbers the semester before

you sat together for economics, and contacted each other for homework help usually

since it was during spring semester, you both went your separate ways for summer, and didn’t really contact each other

there were the occasional likes on instagram, and texts of memes about how awful the professor was, but nothing else

pretty much an excuse for you two to still talk

you both thought the other was cute, but you didn’t know how to come forward with it. as, you could see, all you two talked about was class, and memes relating to the class

when classes started again, you got a text from calum asking what you were taking

you didn’t have any of the same classes, as your majors were polar opposites

but, he did wish you a good year, and said if you needed any help with your math course, he’d be glad to help

you two spoke every other day, but nothing huge

the lookout was popular with locals, but you hadn’t ever went up there, or heard of it rather, so calum insisted that was where you two would go.

initially, you were just going to grab some late night snacks and head back to his apartment

but on the way, you passed the lookout.

“where’s that little road go?”

“what do you mean where does it go?”

“uh, like, is there a house up there?”

calum pointed to the lookout sign, “are you talking about that one? with the huge ass sign saying ‘ferry lookout’?”

“so, it leads to a lookout?”

“...have you never been?”

“no..? is it big or something?”

calum gives you a playful side eye, then focuses on the road again, “i’ve been up there so many times i can’t count. i can’t believe you’ve never heard of this place. this calls for a change of plans, we’re going up there.”

so, after grabbing your respective late night favorites, you and calum headed towards the lookout.

on the drive, you took this opportunity to ask calum how long he has lived here

“uhh, like. five years, maybe?” calum answered while turning into the road to the lookout.

“ah, i see. so you’re from australia, right?”

“yup. accent give it away?”

“yeah, i mean i noticed you say your i’s like ‘oi’. like you pronounce your friend michael’s name as ‘moie-kol’. but i noticed on instagram that that’s where you went for summer, and you have sydney as your hometown.”

“oh, yeah. i always go back home for the summer to see my family.”

“wait so you’re out here on your own?”

the car neared the parking spaces for the overlook, and calum parked the car in the middle of the lot before continuing his story, “yup. i, well, me and my friends, moved here when we were younger for our band. i was about seventeen at the time.” calum reached into the 7-eleven bag and popped open his bag of pretzels, “we moved here because our first album went kinda big, at least on social media. so we made the choice to pack up, and see what america had for us. we got here, got too cocky, and it all went to shit. had to go back home for a little, live with my parents, save enough money, and then came back.”

“well?” you had already gotten your snack ready, munching from time to time while calum spoke.

“you want the full story?” he glanced over to you, chuckling a bit after seeing you scrunched up in the passenger seat, eager to hear his story for once.

“hell yeah! i wanna know what happened to this band of yours. pleeeeease?”

he quickly swallowed the pretzel he was chewing, and took a gulp of his slurpee, “okay okay, fine. we’re called bromance, by the way. but after we came back, we were still together, just not so hard. like, instead of us making music for fame, we made it because we wanted to. like we sat back in straya talking about what we needed to do, cause we went from thinking we’d hit it big, to having to ask our parents for money for a plane ticket back home. we already had two year leases on two apartments, and we couldn’t exactly break them, so we worked until we had enough money to cover a few months rent on our own, and then we came back. got more jobs, and stabled ourselves.”

you nodded, and closed your jaw which had been slacking with admiration, “is that why you went to college here too?”

he nodded back to you, “mhm. that’s why i’m twenty-two and in second year classes still - i could only afford to take like three courses per semester, if that.”

you held up a hand and shook your head, tilting it downward while doing so, “no judging here, i’m only here because i won a scholarship. i’d be back in my hometown in the local community college if it wasn’t for it, honestly.”

calum raised an eyebrow, “damn, you got a scholarship?”

“yeah, i wrote an essay about my life struggles, and they gave it to me.” you shrugged, and then realized how ungrateful you sounded, “don’t get me wrong, i’m grateful for it, i just don’t see how i got in with it.”

calum pushed and stretched out his bottom lip in both agreement and confusion before he spoke, “well, it must’ve been good if you got in.”

“eh, whatever. tell me more about you, though. i wanna know about your family, and this little bird named ‘mali’ you have tattooed on you.”

for the next hour or so, you and calum explored each others past, and present. the conversation kind of went dry when it came back to this lookout, as you two pretty much knew everything about it that you needed to.

calum was staring out at the vast lights carrying the city to sleep, and he spoke softly to keep the mood, “i still can’t believe you’ve been here for two years and you haven’t been up here. it’s like, the most romantic spot i know.”

you scoffed, raising your hand and shooing off his last comment, “bold of you to assume anyone has asked me on a date since i got here.”

he scrunched the left side of his lip up while looking over to you, “you’re kidding.”

“well, halfway,” you began, lightly speaking with your hands, “i’ve been asked out, but it’s only to fuck.”

calum turns his head back to the view, “i can see that. i never got that bit; i love going on dates, and hanging out and stuff. i don’t know why it’s been looked at as a joke from 2017 on.”

“right?!” you snap your head to calum, “it’s like, what the fuck ever happened to just chilling with a person for a couple of weeks or something and getting to know them that way instead of playing an over-sexualized game of twenty-one questions?”

calum widened his eyes, pointing his index finger at you while you spoke, “honestly!” you two exchanged feelings about current relationships standards and past relationship complications, until it got kind of serious on calum’s ends: “that’s why i don’t really believe in love. cause like, i always try to be a nice guy, like an actually nice one and not a ‘m’lady’ neckbeard thing, but i always get fucked over. and i try, but it’s like, why even attempt if you know something will never come to you?”

you sighed, nodding along with what he was saying, “i get that. but at the same time, you gotta look at the world around you. there’s what, nine or ten billion people in the world that you haven’t met?”

“yeah, but it’s like, if i were meant to fall in love, shouldn’t i have already found a trace of something real?”

you raised your eyebrows, gaining a stern but gentle tone with him, “calum you can’t base love off of what you got when you were seventeen and in your first real relationship. we were kids, and we’re bound to break ‘love’, no matter what age we are. people fall in love at forty, some at twenty - some with their hometown best friend, some with a person halfway across the world. love isn’t dead because it didn’t happen to you like it did in the movies. wouldn’t you rather have something real as to something scripted?”

and with that, calum mentally took note, and decided maybe he’d give love a chance again.

but, that was roughly four and a half months ago.

it was now the end of april, and you and calum had gotten closer than ever.

after the night drive and you both got home safely, he texted you and said, “Thanks for a fun night. It’s cliche as hell, but I think you’ve opened my eyes a bit. Hope to hang soon.”

of course, you two hung out two days after. and two days after that. and after that, and so on.

it was really cute though

lots of sweet banter

couple of deep conversations at each others apartments at two in the morning

which would turn into sleep overs after you two talked more

comments on instagram that were kinda flirty, but still open-ended

any lovey dovey stuff, really

your notes on calum:

really, really good guy. god tier guy.

very romantic, but not a huge fan of pda

humble

insecure but passes it off as humor and refuses to take a compliment or believe someone might like him

offers you hoodies when it’s upwards of seventy-five degrees inside

has made you several home cooked meals

doesn’t shame you or put you down if you’re having bad mental health days and need space

says your name reeeeaaaalllly giggly if he’s feeling soft

knows stan language and actually made a stan account for his own band to secretly interact with fans because you told him about an au where that happens

he of course didn’t tell you to make a stan account for him so you can recreate said au

brought you back a surfboard key chain with your name on it from his trip to australia for christmas

you’re in love with him

calum’s notes on you:

realistic

pushy in the right ways

honest, but sometimes in a backhanded compliment type of way

fashion forward, has given him a couple of new styles to work with

encourages him to try new things and to fully be himself

plays with his hair in order for him to fall asleep

leads to cuddling because he had his arm around your waist and head on your upper torso

gives him confidence to try out ‘feminine’ things (painted nails, (heart stud) earrings, etc)

up to talk about his problems with him

gets along with his friends, and doesn’t act weird because they went viral a couple of times

also interacts with fans as though you’re a stan account yourself

stays around to help with homework, even if you don’t know a thing about what he’s doing

comfortable silence is brought up here too

he’s in love with you

spring is of course, the season of budding romance. or, at least it is to you.

you know, flowers blooming, warm sunsets and seeing each other in golden hour, an overwhelming sense of acoustic guitar playing in the background; that sort of thing.

so, you know what that means?

you decide to ask calum out on a date.

yeah, you! you know he likes you, what could go wrong? 

on a friday evening, you got dressed up, and decided to take calum on a fancy dinner date.

you were ready to go at about six, and gave calum a ring.

“hey (y/n)!”

“hey calum,” you were smiling ear to ear at this point, “whatcha up to?”

“eh, nothing too big. what about you?”

“oh, you’re up to something?”

“umm! kinda but not really?”

your smile drooped, and your tone changed, “oh, alright. cool.”

calum was silent for a second before speaking in a concerned, soft tone, “everything alright?”

you were breathing in through your nose to stop the tears brimming, “yeah, not a problem. i’ll leave you to it. see you.”

what the fuck?!!?!!!!!!!!!!/!?!!!!!!!!!e,me39834,m?!?!?!?

calum? going out????

he wasn’t seeing anyone?E>.dW>QDLWE<

oh my god it was that girl commenting on his pictures that he followed back

he played you

oh my GOD he played you and you LET IT HAPPEN. YOU THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE FOR YOU AND HE SAT AND SWEET TALKED YOU INTO BELIEVING HE LIKED YOU TOO AND PROBABLY GOT MAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T LET HIM HIT IT YET

YOU KNEW WHEN HE SAID HE WASN’T A M’LADY HEADASS THAT HE WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

coincidentally, your best friend, (y/f/n) called:

“hello?”

“hey! whats up?”

since you and calum were never an official ‘thing’ (even though you told your friends you thought something would happen), you decided to keep it calm, “not a thing, why?”

“wanna come help me get ready? i’m going to the club an-”

“sure, be over in ten.”

(y/f/n) seemed a bit off, but you didn’t really pay attention. you were just trying to get wasted, and throw away the feelings you thought were finally, fine.

this being said, you two jetted to the club.

“hey, (y/n)?” (y/f/n) asked, turning their head to face you.

you turned your head to (y/f/n) while you waited in line to get into the building, “what?”

“is everything, like, good?”

you turned away from them, nodding once, “i’m gonna make it be.”

about an hour and a half after you both got into the club, you received a text from calum.

“You busy?”

left on read

“If u sent something, I never got it”

left on read

“Is everything okay?”

left on read

“Dude what’s going on?”

you rolled your eyes, and angrily slid your phone onto the table in front of you, grabbing what’s left of your second drink and taking a swig. (y/f/n) watched and started to question.

“what’s up?”

you finally broke, “calum.”

(y/f/n) rose an eyebrow, “what about him?”

you sighed, “i finally thought we were gonna be something. i thought he liked me, but right when i got up the courage to ask him out, he told me he had something planned.”

(y/f/n)’s eyes widened, and they started to stutter, “he uh, he said he had something, planned? when? like right now?”

you nodded while you spoke, “yeah,” your hand flew from the crossed position it was in and pointed to your upside down phone, “right before you called, he told me he had something to do.”

“what do you think he’s doing?”

“no clue. he usually tells me he’s going out with his band mates, cause he had to call me one night to help him get one of ‘em home. so he’s always told me to keep me on standby. this time, he seemed really giddy, and like nervous.” you sat quiet for a few seconds, debating on whether or not to stop yourself from tearing up again, “so i’m guessing he found someone and didn’t wanna tell me.”

(y/f/n) picked up their phone halfway through you speaking, probably to look people up to mark out suspected people for later, “i dunno (y/n), i think you’re over thinking a bit.”

you gave (y/f/n) a defeated sigh, shrugging afterwards, “i don’t know. i mean i hope not, but i’m not gonna hold my breath.”

after a few minutes of tense silence, (y/f/n) suggests you two leave, and head back to your apartment to talk.

on the way back, you got to complain about how you thought calum was made for you.

(y/f/n) did keep smiling weirdly. were they the one calum was seeing?   

thoughts came to a standstill, though.

why?

calum’s car was in the parking lot.

or at least it looked like it. you didn’t have his tag memorized, obviously.

(y/f/n) parked, and finally turned to you with a not really well hidden smile, “sorry you thought something was up.”

you had your eyebrows furrowed, “what?”

all they said was, “have fun,” and ushered you out of their car.

you, although confused, walked up to the front door and started towards your room.

when you unlocked your door, you heard a soft guitar playing from what sounded like your living room.

you tiptoed into the dimly lit room, and turned the light switch on. there sat calum, a yellow tinted acoustic guitar sat on his thigh as he strummed it, and started to sing the good side by troye sivan.

it was one of those songs you told calum about, and how it reminded you of him.

not in a ‘we broke up and one of us felt worse than the other’ way, but more or less, ‘we’ll meet in the spring’, as you two did come back to each other during that season; ‘traveled the universe twice’, where he came from australia and stayed by fate; ‘i got the good side’, as you found growth and goodness through each other in hard times. so, in a ‘i love you, and the universe wanted us together’ way.

throughout the song, you had found yourself sat in front of calum, your heart beating as though you had just ran a marathon, and it only sped up as the song ended.

you sat with your palms pressed against the insides of your calves, staring at calum as he let a wide smile settle on his face. he spoke while he sat his guitar on the table in front of the couch where you both sat, “sorry about lying.”

you finally found the strength to whisper, “about?”

he had positioned himself closer to you, now looking into your eyes, “being busy. i mean, i was kinda busy, setting this place up and all.”

you took the opportunity to look around for once, seeing that he had picked up a bundle of your favorite flowers, and scattered them around the room. he had a couple of candles lit that you had smelled since you walked in. and you didn’t know if he meant to, but he was wearing the shirt he wore when you two went to the overlook for the first time.

after taking it all in, you turned back to him, “you did this, all, for me?”

he nodded, giggling a little at your surprise, “mhm. you look beautiful, by the way.”

“wait, did you know?”

“know what?”

“that i liked you?”

“wait, you?” he cocked his head to the side, trying to form a sentence.

“yeah? i was going to take you out to dinner tonight, and like when you said you were busy, that’s why i got so distant, cause i you know thought you were entertaining someone and i got jealous-”

you were cut off by calum cupping your cheeks, “i’m so sorry, i didn’t think to word it differently i just thought you were having like, a night or something and got annoyed not because you thought i liked someone else.”

your palms found their way to calum’s cheeks as well, “no it’s nothing now, i just got freaked out and overreacted without giving you a chance. i’m sorry too.” calum had started to rub his thumbs against your cheekbones, and it threw off your thought process a bit.

this was all you wanted. this, is all you wanted, and it’s right here in front of you; rambling, and shaking, and loving.

“please.” you shook out of your realization, and asked him to repeat himself, “kiss me, please. i’ll pay you if need be.”

to say the least, he paid you in rent money when he moved in five months later, in tickets used to meet his and your family, in presents exchanged during holidays, in a down payment on a house, in baby clothes for your four dogs, and obviously, in all the love he had ever given / had for anyone he had ever met: you. his soulmate that he fell in love with due to an unplanned first date.

[pricryo]

tw: abuse shit, manipulation shit, transphobia ment, death ment, christianity ment, probably more. hi i’m tim wright and today i remembered one of my abusers so naturally, while instilled with fiery rage, i thought i should make a post abt it here for reference as to why i have “don’t follow if you kin ticci-toby (creepypasta) or yato (noragami)” as one of my don’t follow criteria. there will probably be another post on this in the future because there’s really a lot to unravel about her abuse and how it’s affected myself and my friends. this is just one of the main and most notable incidents, roughly around the time our friendship truly started its decline.

putting this shit under a cut so it doesn’t clutter things up on anyone’s dash

her name is grace. i initially met her in the fourth grade (when i was around nine or ten), but i wasn’t really close friends with her until late middle school to early high school. she was always sort of uncomfortable to be around, but she was one of the few people who would talk to me, so i considered her a friend. when i was a freshman in high school, i had just been introduced to the otherkin and fictionkin communities by a friend (named cas) at the time, along with grace and another friend (her name was destiny). 

i kinfirmed being wolfkin first and foremost (i know, i know, how generic) after a lot of reflection and questioning on the subject, and cas, who was also wolfkin, suggested we make a wolfkin pack (a.k.a, mistake number one) under the presumption that all four of us were wolfkin. (hint: only half of us were)

grace agreed, claiming she was also wolfkin, and a pack was formed. now, this wasn’t the healthiest pack, realistically. we were young and honestly? a little dumb. we had this big ~pack mentality~ that was horrid and cringy to look back on, and i’m very ashamed of myself. we were overly protective of each other, saw cas as our boss, and overall were just... toxic in mindset, if i remember correctly. unfortunately, this made us super easy to manipulate.

it started in either january or february (i can’t remember which anymore), when grace told us that her long-time boyfriend (joe) had broken up with her during our high school’s winter formal dance. supposedly, it was during their first slow dance, to be specific. she claimed that he’d been abusive to her before, including hitting her, insulting her, etc., and destiny even backed this claim up by saying she’d seen it. (note: joe was openly known to be autistic in our school, keep this in mind.) we, of course, didn’t take this well. after confronting joe on the matter, he seemed confused and had genuinely no idea what was happening, even saying he hadn’t broken up with her at all.

we further confront him (this time on deviantArt) and he continues to say he has no idea, and he’s very confused over who we are. we... honestly treated him like trash. not because he was autistic, but because he was supposedly abusive. it was terrible. and while we’re doing this, grace is just feeding us more and more lies about the guy. she went as far as to make fake texts between himself and her, where he was saying shit like how we were demons, and that we needed to go to church and we needed jesus, calling grace fat and ugly, saying that he’d won her and she was just his trophy, and even being openly transphobic regarding leelah alcorn’s death, among other things. we would be like “give us his number/account, let us talk to him” and she’d always tell us “oh he deleted it right after” or some similar shit. that was red flag number one, but i trusted her (mistake number two) because she was my friend.

by this time, we're literally enraged. we told the dean of our school about it and everything. we were shit talking joe all over deviantArt and threatening him (which was so immature, and looking back on it, i hate how i handled that situation at 14) and everything. i deadass made what was supposed to be his in minecraft just to pour lava over it and burn it down. terrible shit. but the bottom line: we were very angry.

around this time, i start noticing that the way he types on deviantArt and the way he types in the “texts” don’t match up. it’s super suspicious. red flag number two. he types perfectly on deviantArt, but types exactly how grace types in the texts. i bring it up subtly and i’m all like “haha that’s pretty weird, why does he do that?” grace agrees that it’s weird and then starts saying that she recreated some of them because they were deleted too fast. the typing difference happened on all of them. again, that’s super suspicious, but i really trusted her as my friend.

things escalated. i can’t really remember most of it, but here’s some details i do remember:

there’s a fake instagram made (something along the lines of ‘weirdguy101′ or some similar shit) where art that cas and destiny had made was uploaded, supposedly owned by joe, who was claiming to have drawn it himself. none of my art was stolen. grace was the only person to have taken pictures of that art. red flag number three.

an “undercover” deviantArt account made by grace where she pretended to be a different person to interact with joe as if she was on our side.

a lot of skype calls on the subject - during one, grace calls joe on her home phone and cas and destiny make weird noises in an effort to freak him out - which was succesful.

we make both a deviantArt group and instagram to combat the fake instagram and make vague, threatening posts to him (which i’m very certain is deleted by this point).

the dean told us he spoke with joe, and that joe had zero idea what was happening at all.

we were going to go to the principal over the matter because we thought the dean didn’t take us seriously. i was absent that day because i was sick if i remember correctly, and cas and destiny didn’t go talk to the her because grace didn’t show up, either. red flag number four.

grace would intentionally rile us up if we weren’t having a conversation specifically about the conflict. like, this happened for weeks, and when we tried to have other, normal conversations, she’d butt in baout how much she hated joe and about how we should all burn down his house and shit. i’m fairly certain that some of the fake texts were just to draw our attention back on that topic. red flag number five.

and honestly? a hell of a lot more that i don’t really remember.

cas mentions that he thinks things are getting a little fishy after a while, and i tell him about what i’ve been thinking. we end up calling her on skype and he calls her out because he’s 100% certain that she had been playing us. she’s dead silent for most of the time and doesn’t even defend herself or say he’s wrong. he hangs up on her and i’m there listening to her crying alone (and it’s such an ugly noise, mind you) and i’m filled with disgust and anger and hurt. i’m there for two to three minutes listening before i hang up, too.

even after that, we’re all like, “we forgive you. just don’t do this shit again,” because we still saw her as a friend despite her 100% being trash to us, and we were still willing to move past that. and grace has the audacity to ask if we’ll go to the dean with her in the morning and explain the situation.  like.... she manipulates us into harassing and threatening a kid, pretends to be him and insults us + is transphobic as all hell, literally steals art from cas and destiny under the guise that it’s him, plays us like a game of chess for her own sick amusement.... and then expects us to help her explain to the dean that she was lying the entire time and nothing was wrong. ofc, we said no. things simmer down.

for like a day or two.

and then we’re in a group chat with a classmate named britney who says we need to stop bullying her friend. get this - grace has been showing off the screenshots of what we’ve said to her (which was in no way bullying, btw) and claiming we were bullying her. greaaaattt. grace didn’t bother to tell her the full story (a common theme with her) and now britney has taken it upon herself ot be a good samaritan. she yells at us, removes cas from the chat after one of his alters front, i add him back, and britney refuses to tell us who it was. (spoiler alert: we already know). i agree that we’ll stop “bullying” grace so she’ll leave us alone and the conversation is done.

so naturally we’re all like, “what the fuck dude, it was over? and we didn’t do anything to you? you were just bad to us?” and ofc this sets her off to continually tell us ”it’s in the past, i made mistakes, you should forgive me” even though all the shit she did was entirely intentional. initially i don’t want the reason why she did it, but i get progressively more frustrated and then start demanding to know why. she legitimately didn’t say anything other than “...” on the subject. considering how i was young and had a short fuse, i kinda go off on her abt it. because that’s such a fucking dick move. and she says “well idk what to say except sorry” as if she isn’t aware she can tell us why she did it.

i end up having a breakdown because i realize that i’m a total fucking monster who harrassed a kid and was manipulated into doing s and i don’t even get to know why. cas removes her from the group and we’re left to pick up the pieces.

i end up giving a handwritten note containing a formal apology to destiny and she agreed to give it to joe for me. all was well for a while with grace out of my life.

unfortunately, this was not the last incident i had with grace. i’ll post more on it some other time but like... dm me for her tumblr if you want to block her or some shit. she’s still out there and active on tumblr as far as i know.

bonus: a screenshot where i totally should’ve realized she was playing us, ft. me talking to joe

[internet----girlfriend-blog]

On Saying Goodbye, or Making Meaning Out of Nothing

   I’ve never been great at saying goodbyes. Generally, I will stand around uncomfortably and shift myself closer and closer to the door until I can escape. With phone conversations, it’s even worse. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s just that I can’t deal with the silence that comes before saying goodbye.  Most people who know me understand by now that they can expect an abrupt hang-up instead of a goodbye. I think this is mostly because I have an irrational fear of permanence and would rather leave abruptly than face the absoluteness that comes with a goodbye. This is probably because I am mostly a very overdramatic Sagittarius and I watch too many movies.

   I moved out of my parents’ house for the first time when I was eighteen. Within a week of graduating high school I was in the next state over. I didn’t have a hard time saying goodbye to my family but I cried like a baby when I hugged our dog for the last time before leaving. At least my mom could text; the dog didn’t have thumbs. I had expectations that this move would be much more emotional and dramatic, maybe even grandiose, but it was quiet and calm and unassuming. Again, I watch too many movies. I backed out of the driveway in my Kia and tried not to think about our dog. This was my first goodbye that ever really mattered; if you ask my Aquarius mother, it is the only goodbye that’s mattered so far.   

   While trying to escape the small town I grew up in, I ended up in an even smaller town. The name of this town is irrelevant because it’s so small that Google Maps won’t even recognize it as a real place. The deluxe Sheetz gas station was the main attraction, and the closest grocery store was a forty-five minute drive away.  I lived with my first serious boyfriend in this town. He was the first Aries I dated. We stayed in a large apartment over a lawyer’s office and in the summer I sat in front of the windows and listened to people shout and argue with each other about things that I didn’t understand at the time. Our neighbors were visited by the cops almost weekly because their fights got so bad that someone always ended up getting hit. I spent a lot of nights in my room with my ear pressed to the wall, listening to their fighting and learning all of their intimate secrets.  I didn’t think this was weird at the time. Our lease ended the following summer and, no longer fueled by the intensity of the honeymoon phase of our relationship, we decided to part ways. I didn’t cry once but he did keep my record collection, which hurt more than anything else.  I drove back to Ohio in the same Kia and tried not to think about my limited-press editions that I would never see again. This was my second goodbye that ever really seemed to matter.

   I moved back into my parents’ house when I was nineteen. I stayed in their attic and drove twenty-five minutes to work in Cleveland every day. I worked in a tiny restaurant that made most of its money from breakfast rushes and overpriced alcohol. It sat on the corner of Detroit Ave and bragged about the “friendly neighborhood atmosphere” more than embodied it.  I wasn’t allowed to park in the parking lot of this tiny restaurant and I acquired more parking tickets in that time than tip money. The men who worked in the kitchen would crudely talk about my haircut and my facial piercings and the way my ass looked in skinny jeans. The turnover rate was incredibly high, mostly due to the fact that the woman who owned the restaurant was batshit fucking insane and known to be violent.  I quit my job at this tiny restaurant when I was twenty and still living at home. I quit in the middle of a particularly hectic morning shift when I dropped a Bloody Mary on the floor and the owner called me an idiot in front of customers. The Bloody Mary shattered on the floor and stained my white Vans with tomato juice. I walked out, collected the parking ticket from my windshield, and drove home. I was never able to get the stains out of my shoes; it almost felt like one final “fuck you” from the tiny restaurant. This goodbye doesn’t really matter that much now but it felt like it mattered at the time.

   I moved out of my parents’ house for the second time when I was twenty. I lived in an apartment in Cleveland Heights with three other people that I didn’t really know. The apartment was overpriced with high ceilings and narrow hallways. There was always trash everywhere and the kitchen smelled like rotting food. A rice cooker sat in the corner, generally filled with molding rice. The bathroom had a standing shower with a perpetually clogged drain and dirty clothes covered the floor. I was a freshman in college and I spent most of my time at the school to avoid being in the gross apartment. I stayed over at friend’s places and only came home when absolutely necessary. I smoked a lot of weed and did a lot of acid and didn’t sleep and lived off of Clif bars and sugar-free Redbull. I broke up with my then-boyfriend because he was cheating on me with a woman twentyish years older than me. She was a sexually robust woman in her forties who went by the name Bunny and she had a daughter who was also older than me at the time. We met at a mutual friend’s party and she introduced herself by telling me that my boyfriend was good with his tongue. This initially confused me because mostly, I just thought he tasted like Marlboro Reds. I smoke American Spirits. He was the second Aries I dated, coincidentally with the same first name as the first Aries. I never spoke to him again. This goodbye mattered because I no longer had anybody to bring me free weed and help me build IKEA furniture in my shitty apartment.

   I turned twenty-one over the winter break of my freshman year of college. I was living with my parents again, after leaving the shitty apartment during Thanksgiving break. All of my friends were out of state so I bought myself a cheap bottle of gas station wine and invited a boy from Tinder over to my house. We made out on the couch and I knew he was going to hurt me. He did. He was a poet and a playwright with a big ego and a vaguely Italian-sounding name. He lived with his mom and did stand-up comedy on the weekends. I will never trust a stand-up comedian. He was a Capricorn, which also cannot be trusted.  He made fun of me for listening to emo music and I made fun of him for liking musical theater. We went on for months, sleeping together and refusing to acknowledge the fact that we were sleeping together. I moved into an apartment on Coventry while I was still seeing him and he would come over to drink and argue with my Pisces friends. He had a girlfriend almost the entirety of the time I was seeing him. We didn’t know about each other. She was a Gemini. I found out he had graciously given me an STD months after we had already stopped talking. He still follows me on Instagram. This goodbye was extremely prolonged and painful and overdramatic. This was the kind of goodbye I had been expecting when I left home for the first time, but instead it was with a dumb boy. It still mattered, probably.

   I moved out of Cleveland Heights the week before the end of my sophomore year of college. I left behind an apartment that never really felt like home and moved into another apartment that sometimes feels like home. I left behind my bitterness and anger but managed to pick up uncertainty and consistent self-doubt along the way. I moved into a big, old apartment building in Shaker Heights with my (very recently) ex-boyfriend. The first night in our new place we got a pizza and tried to coax my cat out from hiding in the furniture. I cried because I knew I was going to feel trapped, not unlike my cat, probably. I cried because I thought about my mom and how sad I make her. I cried because I knew nothing was ever going to be enough for me. I chalked it up to the fact that I am an overdramatic Sagittarius and ignored those feelings for five more months. I felt like this was a goodbye that mattered, but I’m not exactly sure what I said goodbye to. I’m still trying to figure it out, but I probably never will.

   I spent the summer in this apartment in Shaker Heights doing nothing and taking care of plants and my cat, who’s a Gemini. I drank a lot of wine in the evenings and stopped eating and started sleeping too much. I ignored my friends and didn’t pick up the phone or text anyone back. I only left the house to go to work and came back immediately after my shifts, feeling too anxious to be outside or in public alone. I laid in bed at night, sweating because we don’t have air conditioning, thinking about dying and what my parents would say at my funeral. This time, those thoughts didn’t feel so overdramatic, which was scary. As the summer went on, I thought less about dying and more about escaping, leaving school, leaving my job, leaving my relationship. I applied for study-abroad programs and ignored their acceptance emails. My boyfriend was working full-time, usually over-time, and so I spent most of my days completely isolated, planning my escape. I looked at apartments for rent in cities I’ve never been to, or even considered going to. I spent a weekend in Columbus and then another weekend in Detroit, always dreading coming back to Cleveland. I felt like I had been living as a ghost for the last six months of my life and I was desperately trying to figure out how to become human again. I feel like I’ve said goodbye to this image I’ve curated so carefully for myself, completely disregarding everything I thought I knew about myself and now I’m scrambling around, trying to understand what happened. This is it, this is the big one, the most melodramatic, the most important goodbye.

   I left my first serious, adult relationship last week. We were only together for a little over a year, but it felt like a lot longer. We still live together, so that’s been awkward. When the conversation actually happened, I felt less sad and more relieved. I didn’t even cry. I sat on the chair in our living room and he sat on the couch, asking me what happened. I don’t know what happened. Falling out of love is weird. Realizing that you have a better time hanging out with your friends than spending time with your partner is weird. Understanding that it’s not anyone’s fault and that two people can still care about each other very much but not be in love anymore is weird. We are both fire signs and we are both very overdramatic. And we watch too many movies. He doesn’t believe in astrology, but he’s the stereotype of a Leo. I’ve been listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens and the National, thinking really hard about what went wrong, and where, and what we could have done to change it, or prolong it even more, or ignore it completely. This goodbye feels like a death. This goodbye will leave a lasting imprint, on both people involved. This goodbye matters.

   I’ll be turning twenty-three in a couple months. I’ve said countless goodbyes, see-yous and catch-you-laters in my life so far. I’ll say a billion more. This isn’t meant to be some deep, soul-searching essay or even a reflection. More an examination. No matter how many goodbyes I say, I know they’ll all matter, even if they become arbitrary later. I’m still not any better at saying it. I will probably never be comfortable saying it. I know I’m always going to be a melodramatic Sagittarius. Maybe someday I won’t define myself that way, but today is not that day.

[sharengayonline]

Amazon.com : BlackBerry PlayBook 32GB 7″ Multi-Touch Tablet PC with 1 GHz Dual-Core Processor, 5MP Camera and Secondary 3MP Camera, Video, GPS, Wi-Fi and Bluetooth – Black : Tablet Computers : Computers & Accessories

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Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2017

Size: 32 GBVerified Purchase

A BlackBerry tablet seems like an odd purchase in 2017, but I did my homework and knew I wasn’t getting an iPad Air. I was getting this tablet for work – Spreadsheets, Word Docs and hopefully use the Bible app. The price was manageable and I figured that even if it turns out to be obsolete, I can still use it as a music player in our kitchen or something. Well, I was pleasantly surprised by this little tablet. The OS is brilliant. It’s such a joy and ease for multi-tasking. I was able to get my spreadsheets on it immediately and use it to check my messages and keep my calendar. The Bible app works flawlessly. Yes, the tablet is a little slow, but it’s a 2011 tablet, it’s to be expected. Yes, it doesn’t have a huge cache of apps to choose from, but the apps available are quality. I even found some fun games with great graphics. My music is fully loaded and the speakers are fantastic. I even tried taking a few pics and the quality is impressive! It’s not great for social media. Facebook is functional but not great. Instagram and Netflix simply won’t work on this tablet. You can go the Instagram website and at least view pictures, but that’s all. I did manage to get YouTube working with an browser I downloaded from BlackBerry World called “Frost”. Just go to the YouTube web page and it works great. It let me sign in, but I had to re-sign in every time I opened it. But when the videos play on YouTube, you can leave the app and the video keeps playing – very cool! I also have a BlackBerry Passport phone and it lets me sync with it and my Playbook to text and send BBMs. If you’re willing to put in a little work and do some research, you can get some current Android apps working on this thing. I have Evernote, Kindle, and even a version of Google Maps working. Again, do not expect this tablet to be everything the current tablets are, but if you want to spend very little and get a functional tablet that can serve a few purposes well, give this a look. The best things about this Tablet is the multi-tasking feature, the Messaging inbox, the speakers, the quality of the screen and the price. The negatives are a lack of apps and the general slowness. Hope this helps someone!

Reviewed in the United States on July 8, 2015

Verified Purchase

The Blackberry Playbook Tablet isn’t for those hardcore iPad and Android people. In fact, I would not recommend you buy this tablet if that is the kind of person you are. This tablet is almost like a beginning step into the world of tablets. You get plenty of memory on the tablet for a price lower than any other competitor offer, but there is good reason for that. For one, this tablet is older than these fancy tablets that we see nowadays, so the specs aren’t as hot. There is Bluetooth, but if you have an iPhone or Android or just anything that isn’t a Blackberry, your phone is not going to interact with this tablet other than giving it data. It CAN’T support file sharing like pictures or music through Bluetooth, but you can plug it into your computer to upload files onto it. Apps are not exact the strong suite of the Playbook either. It has a more limited version of the Blackberry World for the Blackberry phones, so don’t expect all the top of the line games and apps to be on here, through there are a few here and there. I would suggest this tablet to people who want to do some basic browsing on the web, check facebook, and just relax while on the go. I wouldn’t say it is a bad tablet for getting your work done, but I don’t think this is the tablet you should be relying on.

Reviewed in the United States on March 1, 2012

Size: 16 GBVerified Purchase

I love this thing!

—– (update) —— Tip to improve WiFi reception

The 2.4 Ghz WiFi antenna is in the upper left hand corner in landscape orientation. Wrapping your hand around this corner to hold Playbook, as I like to do, reduces WiFi signal strength a lot (a bar or two, factor of x100 or 20 dbm), which can be the difference between getting online or not when traveling. A simple trick to get good WiFi reception while still holding Playbook with the left hand is just flip the Playbook over so the ‘Blackberry’ logo is on top. This puts the most commonly used 2.4 Ghz WiFi antenna on the right.

Check out the ‘SANOXY Bluethooth Keyboard for iPad’. It’s a very inexpensive bluetooth keyboard that works fine with Playbook. ————— 7″ screen size is fine, sharp as a tack (viewed with reading lens of bifocals), bright and colorful, sound good, screen responsive to touch. Swipes easy to learn.

On browser homepage On my desktop browsers I have all my frequently visited links in a single custom .html file that I set as my homepage. To me a custom .html homepage is essential, it makes bouncing around the web fast and easy. I first tried copying my custom .html file into the ‘Document’ folder, but found it was not visible under ‘Document’ icon, but later going backdoor I got it installed as the browser homepage. Here’s the procedure:

Type into browser: file:///accounts/1000/shared (note 3 ///)

This brings up a simple file manager that allows you to see what files are in memory and even to launch them. In the Document folder was my custom html homepage file, which I had earlier copied over via USB. Tapping the filename loaded it into the browser, and holding my finger on it allowed me to copy the filename (via the copy box). Finally going into the browser settings I was able to paste the filename into the homepage window. Now every time I start the browser up comes my custom homepage.

Another neat trick is to have alternate start links for the browser on your home screen. This is done by clicking the star+ button and selecting add to home screen. For example I have a icon that will start the browser at the New York Times and another for local radar.

On media files MP3 files can simply be copied over and will play. Video files are more difficult. I have a library of captured .flv files and captured TV shows in .ts format, some of which I would like to put on the Playbook to view when out of WiFi range. However, neither of these file formats is supported directly on the Playbook. In principle there are two options: copy over the file and use an app that does on the fly conversion, or two, preconvert the file to a supported format (like .avi or .mp4). I experimented with both.

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There are several apps that claim to allow you to play .flv files on Playbook. I bought one for $0.99 and while it played .flv files, it was not clean (position slider did not work). I tried a couple of converter programs, which you run on your desktop before downloading. The best (by far) was Freemake Video Converter, not only is it free, but it’s simple to use and will convert a batch of files in one shot. I found it shrank the file size of .ts files, which are initially quite large, by roughly x3 and expanded the size of .flv files, which are initially small, by roughly x2. ————- update My tests show HD (1080p) videos taken by Playbook are quite large, about 6 Gbyte/hour. I found running them through Freemake Video Converter with NO change in resolution, file type, or video quality reduced file size to 2 Gbyte/hour, a factor of 3. Very handy if you want to keep lot of Playbook video stored on the Playbook. ————- Before converting a lot of files I did several tests comparing file formats and resolution. Freemake Video Converter makes it easy to reduce file size by lowering resolution. Tests with a sharp HD video showed no difference that I could see between 1080p and 720p on this small screen, so I decided to go with 720p. This resolution reduces .ts file size by a factor of 4. Reducing quality to TV level, still very watchable, reduces .ts file size by a factor of six.

Quick tests of various formats (avi, mp4, wmv) showed no significant difference in quality or file size and all seemed to play fine on Playbook, so I choose avi and began converting. This turned out to be a mistake. Not one of the first three converted TV shows (1 hr) would play correctly on Playbook. One refused to open and other two gave an error when the slider was moved, though all played correctly on my desktop. The only reason I can come up with is that Playbook has a problem with long files in avi format. My quick tests had been with short files. I then noticed that it says in the Blackberry document, ‘Supported Media Types on Blackberry Tablets’, avi. wmv, and mp4 are “supported”, but the “recommended video format for local playback” is mp4. So I reconverted the same three TV shows to mp4, also lowering the resolution one step to 720p, and now all played fine on Playbook. So my recommendation is stick with mp4, which is the format Playbook uses for its own videos, and reduce resolution to 720p (1280 x 720).

WiFi file transfer A neat trick to easily transfer files to Playbook from your computer over WiFi (no cable!) is to put a shortcut to Playbook on your Windows desktop. Set the ‘target’ of the shortcut to either the IP of your Playbook (found under About, Network) or the ‘Tablet Network Name’, which you can change (found under Storage and Sharing, Network properties) preceded by \ (two backslashes). When you click on the shortcut, Explorer opens and Playbook will appear as a Network device. Click the Media folder and you now have access to all Playbook media folders. For this to work the Playbook ‘WiFi Sharing’ setting (in Storage and Sharing) needs to be ON. Transfer rate is a little slower than with a USB cable (about half), but perfectly usable. (update) For some non-transfer operations, like file rename, I find USB more reliable than WiFi.

Html files, pdf files and File manager The Blackberry (so called) “File Manager” doesn’t show file details, and critically (for some weird reason) it hides local html files, though it does show local pdf files and allows you to open them. Real file managers are available in App World. A pretty good basic file manager (free) is ‘AIR Browser’ and better is ‘File Browser’ (a buck).

‘Air Browser’ and ‘File Browser’ provide a way to work with local html files, they show them and will open them in the browser. Once open in the browser local html files work well, all the internal and external links work. I find it frustrating that Blackberry doesn’t provide direct support for local html files, because I have a whole library of such files that I want to use on the Playbook.

Privacy A useful app for file privacy is ‘File Shield’ (buck). It provides a simple way (without passwords!) to hide videos, photos, and documents. In the app directories and individual files can be toggled between private and public. When set to private, files and directories effectively disappear, visible neither to Blackberry applications nor file managers.

Bugs and weirdnesses I bought just after OS 2 release and my OS upgraded to 2.0 when my new tablet initialized. Here are the bugs and weirdnesses I have found in a week or so of use.

— I initally wrote that my volume up/dn buttons had never worked and assumed it was a software bug because I read someone else reported volume buttons stopped working after an upgrade to OS 2.0. See comments where Ronald kindly set me straight. — Video application has a couple of drawbacks, one is no folders. In the pictures application if you organize picture files in subfolders, the opening screen shows only the subfolders. Not so with the video application. You can put videos in subfolders, but the video application still displays all your videos files on the opening screen. Primitive and inconsistent. Even more surprising the video application displays videos (with the formats it supports) regardless of the folder. Put a video in say, Voice folder, and it still shows up under Videos. — The video application provides two display views: Downloaded Videos and Recorded Videos. Videos uploading to the Camera directory are displayed in the Recorded Video view ordered by the file time stamp, so some separation of videos is possible. Videos in the Downloaded Videos view are ordered alphabetically, No other sort appears to be possible. — Document mode of the browser does not work right in portrait orientation (tested with New York Times articles) — a Hotmail text message in browser would not finger expand — Adobe’s pdf reader come installed on the Playbook, but it is not well integrated with the browser. When a pdf link in the browser is clicked, instead of just opening the file your only option is to download the file. — ‘Power Off’ is a built-in Blackberry app with just three power buttons that are the same as under the battery icon. ‘StandBy’ in the app does not put the tablet to sleep (as it should), it does a ReStart (locking up your machine for two minutes)! You have to wonder just how much testing Blackberry does when a trivial app like this does not work right after a major OS upgrade. — As I discussed above, it appears the video player has a problem with long .avi files, though this format claims to be “supported”. — With Blackberry emphasis on security it is surprising its OS does not directly provide support the hiding of files. — After a week of use the browser crashed (gray screen) requiring Playbook restart to fix it. — On my 2nd day with Playbook it crashed (it first refused to open files, then it hung with Shutting down splash screen displayed). There is a way to hardware reset the Playbook, equivalent to holding down the power button on Windows desktops, but I had to search the web to find it. It’s hold down three of top four buttons (vol up, vol dn and power) for 10-15 sec (or until you see red led). This restored my Playbook to good health with no loss of data. I took off one star (5 => 4) for the volume buttons not working (whoops, see comments) and for a system crash in two days of use.

Top reviews from other countries

LauraUK

4.0 out of 5 stars A good tablet for non-Apps addicts 🙂

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 16, 2014

Verified Purchase

I know it might sound crazy to some, but yesterday I bought my second Playbook at an excellent price. Last year we bought a Playbook hoping that Blackberry would release their BBM 10 software. Well, they didn’t but we are still using our Blackberry on a daily basis to surf the web and watch cartoons on Youtube. This is our main use for the Playbook, and although there are games and apps, we haven’t got enough time to spend playing whatever game is in fashion. My daughter, however, has got some nice apps to play and draw that can keep her busy. We also use the Playbook as a PDF reader and now with the second one we will use it to video chat when away from the family for work. At least this is our hope, since sadly we didn’t manage to do this with the Blackberry Z10, which I had to return. All in all, for the price we paid, we are satisfied. It charges quickly with the fast charging docking station and I am sure that we don’t use it to its full potential. We have a terrible computer at home and we haven’t downloaded music or videos onto the Playbook yet. I am sure that if we really needed Apps such as Skype or Whatsapp (or anything else that is in fashion these days) this would not be the tablet to buy, but these Apps can be installed on a smartphone very easily. All in all, a good tablet for web browsing and media playing if the budget is tight.

JontyB

4.0 out of 5 stars Great Performer

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 22, 2011

Size: 32 GBVerified Purchase

I love the Playbook. It is a handy size with an excellent fast browser supporting Flash video. It is sturdy and very well put together. Unfortunately apps are limited and you need a Blackberry smartphone at hand to enable the bluetooth ‘Bridge’ that links your emails, address book & calendar. We have been promised future compatability with Android apps that should greatly increase the appeal.

The Playbbok is also tethered by bluetooth to access your phone’s 3G network, useful if you are unable to obtain a wifi signal. There is therefore no need for a 3G variant making the Playbook a good value alternative to the i-Pad. The Playbook has HDMEI, USB and Fast Charge connectors but no memory expansion capability or SD card. I would thererfore recommend at least the 32MB version.

I did have a little difficulty getting the software to start-up but the free 90 days UK support line soon sorted the problem and it has been trouble free since. It is comforting to know that that there is help from Blackberry if you need it.

M. Hallett

5.0 out of 5 stars it’s brilliant. There is the problem that it was a …

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 13, 2015

Verified Purchase

I’ve had the Playbook for around eighteen months now. It’s an absolute bargain compared to other tablets on the market. If you want to use your email, surf the web, take pictures or video, store documents, listen to music, or use a few simple commonplace apps, it’s brilliant. There is the problem that it was a commercial disaster for Blackberry and so they’ve given up on it really, which is a shame. I would suggest you download the origami browser – it is streets ahead of the native Blackberry browser. I don’t give a damn about having 101 applications or playing games. If you don’t care about that sort of thing either then this is a smashing buy.

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MW_GB

3.0 out of 5 stars Its no iPad and its not about the Apps

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 28, 2012

Size: 32 GBVerified Purchase

Lots of good reviews, but I suggest you ask yourself why you’re thinking of buying this. Better be becasue its cheap, because its not best.

Ok; its far from junk. Its nicely built, has a bright screen (great for showing off pictures & video) & a competent web-browser. I like the size and weight. BlackBerry Bridge is a useful feature if (like me) you’re one of a seemingly dwindling band of BB users.

But there are some signficant problems. Its slow to boot up (90 seonds maybe, unless you leave in stand-by and that drains the battery quickly), its slow to charge (I leave it overnight), bettery life is poor if you are using Bluetooth (maybe only a couple of hours), I find the touchscreen is often unresponsive, and the browser sometines spontanioulsy shuts down (in fairness the OS2 upgrade seems to have improved that). And its just awkward to get things done (try mailing a photo or file to a contact – virtually impossible with OS1, clunky and slow with OS2, unless you connect to a PC, which at least you can do, but is hardly the point surely). BB Bridge freezes & I’ve had to reinstall 3 times (tough to do by the way – if you’re interested, try to delete BB Bridge AND Bluetooth items on BOTH devises & start install from stratch). I watch streamed videos on my iPhone, but they won’t play on the Playbook on the same WiFi.

You get the picture… but the point is that iPad users I know report none of the above proplems…. To be clear, I’m Apple agnostic, but I’m just left wondering if RMI have put anywhere near enough development into the Playbook, or have just lost interest.

So I bought it becaue I’m a BB user and wanted a reasonably cheap tablet to find out if I would get use out if it. I do. And it somewhat pains me to say it, but my next one will be an iPad.

John Dare

4.0 out of 5 stars Lovely piece of kit, but far too many issues with apps.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 25, 2013

Verified Purchase

Pros – well built and sturdy, decent built in browser. good audio for a small tablet, plenty of built in storage, very acceptable screen resolution, wifi connects easily, OK cameras, fair price.

Cons – very few decent apps and most of those are way too expensive, android apps have to be sideloaded – fiddly and time consuming, RIM constantly promising upgrade to BB10 at some point in the future but it never seems to happen and now never will(see next paragraph).

This could and should have been almost a significant a tablet as the ipad but has been constantly let down by appalling planning and support from RIM. It’s such a pity because there is a lot to like about the Playbook and even 2 years after it’s launch it still performs almost as well as many newer and more expensive tablets. If only the OS could be properly upgraded. Sadly RIM have now decided NOT to upgrade the OS to BB10 and have therefore totally let down very many Playbook owners.

Paraphrasing the the words of my old headmaster – “with a little more effort RIM could do so much better”!

I have just added a fourth star, as I get used to it sideloading becomes easier. NO chance of a 5th star since RIM have reneged on their promises to upgrade to BB10.

Nguồn: https://sharengay.online Danh mục: Đời Sống

Amazon.com : BlackBerry PlayBook 32GB 7″ Multi-Touch Tablet PC with 1 GHz Dual-Core Processor, 5MP Camera and Secondary 3MP Camera, Video, GPS, Wi-Fi and Bluetooth – Black : Tablet Computers : Computers & Accessories

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[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, April 6, 2021

Welcome to my latest summary of recent ecommerce news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & Etsy! This covers articles, podcasts, videos and infographics I came across since the early March report, although some may be older than that.

I am hoping to launch a new ecommerce resource page on my website in May, although that is looking a bit ambitious with everything else I have on the go. (I've released the latest version of my Etsy search ebook, and am working on updating the keyword research ebook this week as well as still drafting a few new blog posts on Etsy search.)

If you have any questions, please drop me a line here on Tumblr, reply to this post, email me, or contact me on Twitter.

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES

Etsy Ads have been turning themselves on without sellers taking any action. There are threads here, here, here, and here. There is a video here with more people reporting the issue in the comments. A few cases seem to be related to using vacation mode, and at least one person reports a much higher budget than they would have chosen. So go check to make sure they ae still off (unless you want them running).

eBay, Etsy and some other marketplaces have formed a coalition to lobby against proposed laws they say could harm small sellers and microbusinesses. The Coalition to Protect American’s Small Sellers (PASS Coalition) is currently fighting the INFORM Consumers Act, which “would require online marketplaces to disclose third-party seller information to consumers, including name, address, email and telephone, or face civil penalties.” An Etsy rep said that this would be problematic because it would affect the privacy of sellers, and could potentially move communications off-site meaning Etsy would have less “ability to ensure seller integrity and consumer protections.”

PayPal is now allowing Americans to pay using cryptocurrencies such as bitcoin; this is rolling out over the next few months.

ETSY NEWS

Remember when Etsy Ads got way more expensive and stopped working for some people? Here’s the technical explanation of what they changed. [It is very technical in some parts, so most people will struggle with a lot of it] Note they explain that the Etsy Ads algorithm “ranks listings based on their bid price, multiplied by their predicted click-through rate”, and that they added contextual factors such as the time, the day of the week, and the buyer’s platform to tailor the bidding, and the expected order value is supposed to be part of the final bid calculation. They also mention that the current system is using the “30-day listing purchase rate” as a factor. The results of testing: “[t]he buyers saw more relevant results from ads (+6.19% CTR), the buyers made more purchases from ads (+3.08% PCCVR) and the sellers received more sales for every dollar they spent on Etsy Ads (+7.02% ROAS).” It’s clear that Etsy Ads are designed for the really big spenders, not small shops.

April’s attribute updates include candles and desks.

In their latest sustainability initiative, Etsy will now offset carbon emissions from packaging.

Etsy’s “disaster relief fund” has launched, but it is only available to US sellers, which is something not stated until you click to the application form. The FAQs actually state it is available to “all sellers”. Because everyone on Etsy is American, right?

Etsy donated $500,000 to two groups working against Asian hate. Ironically, they also got called out for having an algorithm that was surfacing “erotic” photos of Asian women as recommendations on listings that were completely unrelated items with only “Asian” as a common keyword. The issue was also noted in searches for “Asian photo”. Etsy’s response was to remove 3 listings and to promise to “continue to work on improving our algorithm to avoid surfacing recommendations where not relevant or appropriate.”

The Spring and Summer Trend Report is out, with the usual detail on trending items and keywords used. Some of the search trends:

“143% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for checkered prints”

Things like mushrooms, and “waves and squiggles” are hot

Outdoors, plants and gardening, staycations & decor related to travel are all expected to continue to be popular

“286% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for vintage colored glassware”

“42% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for pendant necklaces”

“86% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for clothing patterns”

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES

If you are fairly new to SEO for search engines such as Google, you may find that it seems way too complex, and you might worry that you are missing something. Here is a great basic checklist for websites. Most of these items will not apply on marketplaces such as Etsy; e.g., Etsy rewrites the file name, and doesn’t allow you to create an URL separate from the listing title, or a meta description different from the listing description.

One of the most common questions I get is “how do I get backlinks”? Fortunately, Moz just came out with the Beginner's Guide to Link Building.

You know that links are very important for Google ranking, but do you know how Google decides that? Read this, and you will. [text with lots of graphics]

If you really want to know everything about SEO, Search Engine Journal compiled a fabulous list of resources. Some get very technical, so this list is definitely not for everyone.

A new study says that ⅔ of Google searches do not result in a click; people are getting the information they seek from various Google features on the search page. The study does not separate out simple searches such as the temperature outside, or a spelling check, in which users wouldn’t benefit from clicking. But while the click rate is dropping, users are still growing, so the total number of clicks continues to increase. Here’s a bit of commentary on the study.

Although Google says it likely won’t change ranking much, here’s a good overview of the upcoming Core Web Vitals algorithm update.

Good news! Bots don’t hurt your Google ranking.

SEO for videos on Google, appropriately in the form of a video. [links and highlights in the video’s description]

Former Google employees are involved in Neema, a subscription-based search engine which will protect users’ privacy. The site is currently in beta and there is a waitlist.

(CONTENT) MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails)

Trends in the best headline/caption/title for sharing have changed. BuzzSumo’s review of 100 million posts shows that emotional phrases are no longer as big as they were in 2017, and the most shared headlines are now shorter: only 11 words/65 characters. There is a lot of analysis of Twitter and Facebook as well as general info here.

Ideal image size is different on every social media platform; this infographic gives you all the sizes for the major sites.

Reminder: don’t buy Instagram followers. A lot of the services sell bots and inactive accounts, which means you won’t get any engagement. The article ends with a few tips on how to get authentic followers that will actually help you.

Coming to Instagram: the ability to save drafts of Stories.

Reddit has opened a Canadian office, a logical decision since Canuck Redditors are the third-largest country base, and are increasing by 40% a year.

Which app was downloaded the most in the first quarter of 2021? You will be unsurprised to hear it is TikTok.

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS)

You can’t know how successful your ads are, or how they could be improved, if you aren’t paying attention to several different metrics. Here is what to watch on Facebook.

Here is an overview of what we know about how Google is doing away with advertisers’ third party cookies; the new set up is called Federated Learning of Cohorts (FLoC).

Ad design can be tricky; here are 11 tips for creating Facebook ads that will work.

TikTok is forcing users to see ads related to their TikTok history; as of April 15, you will not be able to opt out of ad personalization. You can still refuse to let them use your activity on other sites, though.

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING

Here’s an overview of how the new version of Google Analytics works.

Facebook Analytics will be retired June 30, 2021, and some people do not feel there are adequate alternatives.

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS

Poshmark now has listing videos. Any videos added also show up on a seller’s Posh Stories. eBay is also rolling out videos on listing pages and storefronts.

Walmart’s Marketplace now allows sellers from outside the United States; the first new group is from China.

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[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Oceans

You’ve been Tom’s best friend for years, but the night before he leaves, that all changes and leaves you wondering whether you’ll ever find your way back to each other. Loosely based off of Oceans by Seafret. 

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader (friends to lovers)

Word count: 4,200

A/N: This is a little different from what I usually write, and it’s not a request, but I hope you like reading it!

-

Your relationship with Tom was far from normal from the moment you met him. You’d moved to the UK to go to college, since it was cheaper and you eventually wanted to live there, and for the first semester you’d lived on the campus housing. And then you met Tom and Harrison at a bar, who said they had an extra room, and three days later you were moving in.

Tom had been your best friend since then. Your absolute best friend. You loved the same movies, music, video games, you both loved golfing and hiking and being outdoors. You did as much as you could together, and you lived with him for three happy years. You graduated and got a job in London, so you stayed, and you’d gotten used to just dog-sitting and house-sitting while Tom and Harrison and his brothers were off filming.

You were used to him leaving. That didn’t mean you liked it, because you definitely didn’t. You loved having the boys around, especially your best friend, and when they were gone your life felt empty. You had come to the decision that you liked Tom, more than you should. Your heart fluttered every time he was around. You turned into a giggly little girl whenever he touched you.

You loved how hard he worked. You loved the way he was with his dog. You loved the way he was always patient and kind and looking out for everyone with no regard for himself. You loved the charity work he did and that he genuinely wanted to make other people’s lives better. And you loved how much he loved his job. You loved him, and you were hopeless in it. So when he said he was leaving for three months, your heart felt heavy. He promised he would call you and FaceTime you and text you all the time, and you were sure he would. But you were going to miss him, even if it was just because you were selfish and you wanted him around.

You didn’t quite know how you ended up in the situation you were in. You and Tom had been playing Call of Duty together when you ended up throwing your controller down, playfully angry, and you’d ended up wrestling each other on the couch. And then, without a conversation about what it could mean, he’d kissed you.

He’d kissed you.

He did it first. You kissed him back, though, and in a few minutes you were sitting in the darkness of the living room with the only light from the paused game that had gone back to the menu. You were straddling Tom’s thighs, and one of his hands was splayed across the back of your thigh, tips of his fingers underneath your shorts. His other hand was at your waist, dragging you back and forth on his lap. Your hands were on his shoulders, and it was hot. It was heavy. He was making you whine and whimper and all you were doing was kissing each other. You didn’t know how long you were there, but it was long enough that the TV shut off. And finally you’d pulled away from him, just to breathe, and Tom’s face paled.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” he muttered. “That was a mistake.” He didn’t seem like he regretted it, especially not while you were doing it, because he was hard as hell below you and you could feel it as you sat there, hands on his shoulders. When he said that you shouldn’t have done that, you thought that he meant it was a mistake. That he had done something he didn’t want to do, that you’d made him do something he didn’t want to do.

“You…” You felt tears prick your eyes like thorns, falling down your cheeks in defiance. You had given yourself away. He knew now that you liked him, that you were willing to do anything for him, and now you knew he didn’t feel the same way. He felt like it was a mistake. Like you were a mistake. Like every single second together…

“Y/N, listen,” he started to say. He grabbed at the old t-shirt you’d tucked into your shorts, trying to keep you there, but all it did was un-tuck it. You put a shaky leg down on the ground and then the other. Tom tried to grab you and you wrestled him off. And then you walked up the stairs to your room, shut the door, and cried.

You tried to be quiet with it because Harrison’s room was on the other side of your wall. You fought to stay silent with your tears and it came out as squeaks and an occasional gasp and you heard footsteps at your door. They were there for a minute or two, thinking of whether to knock or not, and then they moved on. You knew it was Tom because his door shut next. Did you mean that little to him that he wasn’t even going to talk to you about it? That he was just going to let you think that he didn’t want you? Yeah. Because he probably didn’t, you thought.

The battle between your head and your heart ended eventually and you were too tired to even change out of your clothes. You just laid there in your made bed, a throw blanket on top of you, and popped one of the sleeping pills you needed when you were alone.

You woke up when the sun was rising. You’d missed saying goodbye to Tom, and probably for good reason. Normally he’d wake you up and say a sweet goodbye, kiss the top of your head, and tell you that he couldn’t wait to get up to bullshit when he got back. Instead your door was open, your light had been turned off, and there was a note written with one of your work pens on your nightstand on top of your phone. You’d left your phone downstairs, you realized.

We need to talk when I get back, don’t we? Airbnb is 423 Leighton Street, 44135. We have an extra room. I’ll miss you every minute. X Tommy :)

You sat up, reading over the note several times. He wanted you to come visit him, or he wouldn’t have left the address. But he said you needed to talk, too, and you knew what that meant. You knew that meant that he wanted to let you down easy and tell you that he valued your friendship or whatever, but that all it was ever going to be was a friendship. And he mentioned an extra room, which he wouldn’t unless he didn’t want you with him. You’d shared rooms and beds multiple times before and he’d always held you so close that it made you wonder if he wanted something more. But you guessed he didn’t. Or he would’ve said something. And now there was a fucking ocean between you and you didn’t have the strength to close the distance.

You sat up and went downstairs to feed the dog, looking around at the empty house. Tom had picked up the living room the night before, including the area where you’d made your mistake. You cut up some fruit and made some eggs and went up to your room to start work. Eventually one of Tom’s brothers was home, but you didn’t go out to greet him. You stayed in your room, burying yourself in your work so you wouldn’t have to think about it.

Eventually they must have gotten off of their flight because you got a slew of snapchats in from Harrison, all of them about Tom. And then he’d texted you, asking what had happened the night before because Tom was acting weird whenever Harrison mentioned you. You just avoided the conversation at all costs, even if it seemed weird. Maybe Tom would give in and tell Harrison and then Harrison would tell you.

You got a text from Tom a few days later, just a meme, and against your better judgement you responded with the laughing emoji and another meme you’d been saving in your camera roll. He acted like nothing happened, and so did you. Your friends chided you for being stupid enough to go along with it instead of being the adult and initiating the conversation, but you couldn’t face it. You refused to face the fact that Tom didn’t want you the way you wanted him.

Things were absolutely miserable for the first month. The entire first month. You tried to distract yourself by taking Tessa on extra long walks, going to the pub with your girlfriends, and playing the Sims when you weren’t working. You managed to forget about Tom until he’d send you a text or a snapchat. Until he’d post something on his Instagram story of his voice or the way he’d been working out.

It was dumb to be crying over a stupid video, but you cried. You cried because your best friend’s voice, you missed his hugs, you missed hanging out with him all the time. You missed what you had before you made the mistake. You even missed the misery of not knowing how he felt. Two of the three months passed and your mental health had spiraled from being alone. Harrison knew that and he wondered why it wasn’t Tom checking in on you, but he’d FaceTime you until all hours of the night and call you if he knew you were walking alone, and he would often tell you how much he loved you because he thought you needed it. And you did.

“Just come visit for a weekend, please!” Harrison begged you on the phone. “I literally will pay for your ticket. I miss you! Tom misses you, he barely ever shuts up about how much he misses you.”

“Yeah, and about the fucking ‘mistake’ we made, has he told you about that?” You replied. He sighed.

“No. But I thought something must’ve happened because he was upset the whole plane ride over.”

“He kissed me, Harrison. Or I kissed him. And we all but had our clothes off before he pulled away from me and said it was a mistake. And I all but told him that I’m stupidly in love with him. And that’s why things are so weird. Because he doesn’t want me like I want him.”

“Yes, he does,” Harrison insisted.

“No, he doesn’t!” You were so angry that you were about to cry. “He doesn’t. Not like I want him. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re not stupid and I know Tom doesn’t think it was a mistake, at least not what you think he means.” You sighed.

“I still don’t know. The look on his face, it was like he hated me. It was like he didn’t want me around.”

“He does. And I do. Just come hang out with me. Please? We can rent a car and go see your family if you want, too. The twins already said they’d watch Tessa.” You sighed.

“Fine. I’ll send you a flight plan. Just… don’t tell Tom. I don’t want him to try and tell me not to come.”

“Okay. Just know you’re being ridiculous about this.” You shut the phone off and bought a flight like Harrison told you to do, sending him the plan. You took your next few days of work off, promising you’d send your project in before the due date because you were ahead anyway. And then you packed your suitcase, grabbed your passport, and left the house.

You updated Harrison as you got on the plane and opened the entertainment center to see that of course one of the free in-flight movies was one of the movies that Tom was in. You scrolled past it, not wanting to even think about it, and started watching the few free episodes of TV shows that were on there. Nobody texted you, thankfully, except for Harrison and your parents to confirm that your plane was still in the air and not hijacked.

The plane landed and you plugged in the address to the Airbnb they were staying at. Luckily they had just left for set so you had most of the day to yourself. Harrison was going to make an excuse to come back around lunch to hang out with you, so until then you were left on your own. Harrison had neglected to tell you which room was yours, so you had to wander around and find it. The first room was obviously his, since his stuff was strewn everywhere, but then you looked at the next room. You dropped your bags when you saw what was on the nightstand.

It was a picture that you thought Tom would’ve left in London, since he didn’t have a picture of anyone else in his room. Not even his family. It was a picture of the two of you when you’d gone to Disney World with everyone. The two of you were just smiling beside one another, his arm behind you as you leaned against one of the fences in Animal Kingdom. That had been one of your favorite days, ever, and one of the days that helped you realize that you were in love with him. You couldn’t understand why there was a picture of you in there but nobody else, but it made you feel even worse. Why would he have a picture of you if you were such a mistake?

“Fuck you, Tom,” you muttered out loud. You turned from the room and found the guest room, settling in and taking a nap until your phone rang. It was Harrison, telling you to meet him at a certain restaurant.

He got there before you did, and when you did he hugged you just as tightly as you always had. You carried on a normal conversation, but you knew he was going to ask you about Tom sooner or later. You decided to ask him first.

“Why does he have a picture of me by his bed?” You asked Harrison. He sighed, putting down the napkin he was holding.

“Because you’re his favorite person. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Y/N. He loves you. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but he needs to get over it.”

“Or maybe I need to get over it. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it and he just wants to forget about it, so maybe I should too.” You hung your shoulders a little, sitting back, and refused to look at Harrison. Maybe he thought you were right.

“I think he’s just scared. Because everything will change, Y/N. And if it were me, I wouldn’t want anything to change because I wouldn’t want to lose you.”

“But he did. He is. He’s losing me because he pushed me away.”

“I don’t know why he pushed you away, but I think it was a mistake. I think it was a mistake and he’s going to understand that as soon as he sees you.” You looked down, your eyes tearing up. You understood what he was saying and he made a good point. Harrison was the best advice-giver you’d ever met in your life, and he was right. The whole reason you were so scared of what Tom would say to you was because you didn’t want to lose him.

You would miss his friendship more than anything, and if you had to go your entire life knowing you couldn’t tell him you loved him, you wanted to at least have him some other way. If you couldn’t hold him at night, you could hold him when the two of you were cold. If you couldn’t call him your boyfriend, you could still feel his hand on your back when it was late at night and he wanted to keep you at arm’s length. If you couldn’t have Tom as a lover, you wanted him as a friend. You knew settling was a bad idea, but you were willing to do anything just to have him. You needed to be the source of his smile like you needed air.

“Just go back to the house,” Harrison told you after he paid. He insisted on paying for you. Both he and Tom always tried to pay for you. “And I’ll tell you when we’re coming home. I need to run back to set later tonight anyway, so you two can have some time alone.” You nodded.

“Thanks.” You took an Uber back to the house and cleaned yourself up. You put on some makeup, hoping it would prevent you from crying. You had Gucci mascara, and you were not about to waste it on crying over a boy, no matter how much you loved this boy.

You sat down on the couch and started playing on the game system to pass the time. Eventually Harrison said that Tom was on his way home, so you sat up and waited. And waited. Your leg was shaking the entire coffee table on the hardwood floors, so you popped an anxiety pill even though you had a feeling that it wouldn’t help.

That was another reason you were so upset by everything – Tom had been the most understanding person when it came to talking about your anxiety and depression. He was the person you always came to, and feeling like you couldn’t come to him was making a ton of feelings swim back up to the surface. Feelings you’d tried to push away for so long. Maybe that was why he didn’t want you. Maybe you were too much to deal with. Maybe all of this was just…

The door unlocked and you stood up out of reflex, moving backwards when you saw that it was Tom. His eyes opened wide when he saw you and he had the same look on his face that he did when he told you that it was a mistake. You wanted to hit him back with his own line, especially when you saw the way he was looking at you. He had the same look Tessa did when someone teased her with chicken and didn’t give it to her.

“You said we needed to talk,” you said. It was all you could say. You were convincing yourself not to cry, that you couldn’t ruin the makeup. You crossed your arms across your chest and waited for Tom to say something. He didn’t. He just stood there.

“I…” he finally said, refusing to meet your eyes.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let Harrison talk me into this.” Your heart felt as heavy as it ever had. Just like the night two months ago when Tom said you were a mistake. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Your legs hit the couch and you sat down, burying your face in your hands. You didn’t care about the makeup anymore. You didn’t care about anything.

“Y/N,” Tom said, walking toward you and shutting the door.

“No,” you interrupted. “I want you to listen to me, Tom. You’re the one who kissed me and then told me it was a mistake. You’re the one who left the next day to another country without the guts to tell me you don’t want me to my face. You’re the one who let me wonder for two whole months whether we’re even still friends. You’re the one who did all of this and I don’t understand why you won’t just fucking tell me you don’t want me.” You were yelling by the time you were done, and you weren’t necessarily trying to make him feel bad. You just wanted him to get that he’d been torturing you whether he wanted to or not.

“I’m not gonna tell you that because it’s not true,” he said, almost like it was a question. You stood up and scoffed.

“Tom, just…” You turned on your heels and went into the first room in the house. Tom’s room. And you saw the picture of the two of you and something inside of you broke. You cried harder than you ever remembered crying before. You didn’t know why because you didn’t cry over boys. That wasn’t you. You knew you were a badass and anyone that didn’t want you didn’t deserve you. But Tom just shook something loose inside of you and turned you into putty.  

“I did this to you. Didn’t I?” He asked as he walked into the room. You sat down on the bed, trying to calm down.

“Did you not hear anything I said?” You asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just…”

“I’m a div, I deserve it. When I said this was a mistake, I didn’t mean the kiss. I didn’t mean it with you. I meant that it was a mistake to do that right before I left. The only reason I never did it before was I was afraid you wouldn’t want me because I leave. Because every girl’s told me that they can’t trust me when I leave and I didn’t want to do that to you. I didn’t want to make you worry that I would hurt you, so I didn’t want to chance it.”

“What?”

“I love you,” he muttered, scanning your eyes for any sign of protest or hatred for him. “I love you so much. And I’m so sorry for making it seem like I didn’t.”

“I trust you, Tom. I trust you more than I trust anyone. I’ve been so scared that you didn’t want me.”

“I want you. I want you so bad, Y/N. I was just so scared that I didn’t even think about how you would feel.”

“I feel like shit,” you responded. He chuckled, but he didn’t smile. He sat down beside you.

“Can I hold you for a while? And then we can talk more?” You nodded, wanting his embrace more than anything. He laid down and opened his arms and you crawled into them. He’d gotten stronger over the past couple of months and when he wrapped his arms around you it felt like they were a cage. They were holding you there because he needed you just as much as you needed him and you’d twisted each other’s words. Maybe you didn’t know him as well as you thought you did because you should have seen it coming.

You laid there with him for about an hour or so, maybe longer. You just listened to his steady breathing, in and out, and tried to match it with yours. You pressed an ear against his shirt until you could hear his heart beating and just listened. You’d missed him so much and for a while you weren’t sure you would ever feel him again the way that you were feeling him.

“You still don’t want to be with me, do you?” You asked eventually. It was the first thing anyone had said in a long time.

“I do,” Tom said. “I want to, so badly.”

“Then why can’t we?”

“We can.” You looked up at him. “That kiss was the best thing that ever happened to me, Y/N. And I don’t want to go back to whatever we were before. I want you. I want you so bad. I should’ve just told you that and the more I think about it the more I know I should have. I just didn’t want to start something and leave right after because I don’t want that to be a pattern. I don’t want to leave you all the time and I don’t want you to not trust me or feel like I’m trying to get away from you or…”

“That’s your job, Tom, I know that. I won’t blame you for that. I just blame you for fucking leaving me like this.”

“I’m so sorry I did that.”

“I forgive you.” You laid in silence for a few more minutes, and then you sat up a little, wiping the fallen tears and mascara away from your face. In a moment of bravery, you leaned down again. This time the kiss wasn’t a mistake. It was the greatest one you’d ever had. You picked up where you left off and Tom rolled on top of you, grunting a little as he found his way in between your legs.

It felt like hours before you even came up for air. You spent the entire night, just laying there underneath him, as he worshipped your entire body. You were covered in marks that he made, your body ached because of the things he did, and you were screaming out his name even when you knew you weren’t alone in the house anymore. You finally belonged to him, finally. You were drowning in the little bit of ocean left in between the two of you and you were fine with it.

“I love you,” he finally half panted, half whined against your collarbone as he nipped another mark into your skin. “I want you and I always will.”

Taglist: @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter