#and thinking about how LONELY she was before and how much having a support system who really cared about her changed her for the better

[superbelievesintadcooper]

ahhh I finished reading stormsong and I loved it!!!

[lexawritex]

need you now

idol!huhyunjin x producer!reader

synopsis: you're a producer whose songs dominate the charts. to keep the hits coming, you turn to a couple cans of beer for inspiration. but the alcohol takes control, pushing you into calling your ex.

genre: light angst; heated make out session at the end :/

warnings: alcohol; swearing; top yunjin cus why not

i'm all alone and i need you now

being a producer was a choice your parents didn't agree on but with you being the most sought after producer now—their doubts were erased and now they're showering you with praises and support. you found it hilarious how they ridiculed you for pursuing a non-engineering job like your siblings did and now they're treating you like a prodigy. thinking about it made you feel bitter, to make it worse, the alcohol started to kick in.

you were in your apartment, wide awake at one in the morning due to a sudden urge to write a song. around you were cans of beer scattered on the floor, with the hope that it can help you think of creative ideas but honestly, it's all what you have in your fridge.

finishing a can, you tossed it on a pile of empty beer cans as you shifted your attention to your laptop screen. deleting one line after another—unsatisfied with the words. beside it was also your notebook where you usually write songs but you were still stuck. the urge was strong yet no matter you do, the output didn't feel good enough.

frustrated, you grabbed a pillow from the couch and hurled it across the living room, knocking a box out of place. with a groan, you stood up, set the box right, and started picking up its contents. but when you saw what it was, you froze.

it was pictures of the past. a good memory now leaving bitter feelings whenever you remember it. you shouldn't but you did. you looked at the pictures that consisted of either places or a certain woman. the woman that were once the inspiration of your songs and the one that fueled your passion for music.

"huh yunjin..."

you mumbled as you stared at a photo of her, holding an umbrella and looking back at you. you remembered how you'd always carry a camera whenever you two went on dates, wanting to capture every moment to look back on. now, you traced the dusty photograph with your fingers, the smile on her face a painful reminder of a beautiful past.

you went on a couple of pictures and stopped on the last picture that was at the very bottom of the box. the photograph taken just a week before the beautiful story ended. her smile was so wide that it shocked your whole world when she came to you and ended your relationship. you asked yourself, 'what went wrong?' yet the answer was clear.

you both lived in the same world, yet her life was much harder than yours. you didn’t have thousands of people watching your every move, criticizing each mistake. you didn’t feel the pressure to be perfect, to look like a doll every day. you didn’t have a management controlling every aspect of your life. those were the things you didn’t have—things yunjin did. but despite it all, your relationship blossomed and sailed… until it didn’t.

reminiscing about it caused tears to well up in your eyes. a chuckle escapes your mouth followed with a sigh as you sniff.

"well that was a good two years of sunshines and rainbows..." you said, staring at the pictures scattered on the floor.

you stood up, almost loosing you balance and wobbled your way to the fridge—the alcohol taking over your whole system. grabbing another beer, you slumped on your sofa and took a chug of the drink. you looked at the fogged up window, rain hitting it creating soft thuds. you've always like the comfort of the rain but now you hate it. because it reminded you that no one will give you warmth in the cold weather like she used to. you shook your head as your thoughts drifted drifted her again.

"i'm so fucking lonely..." you said followed by a deep sigh.

you reached for your phone, hoping to have a friend that's still awake at this hour to accompany you in the lonely night. you scrolled through your seemingly endless list of contacts but stopped abruptly when your eyes caught a number you haven't contacted for a while.

your fingers hovered above the number as you hesitated on calling it or not. it must've been the alcohol because now you're looking at a ringing screen, her photo smiling at you while your phone rings—waiting for the other end to pick up.

your eyes widened and you panicked—causing your phone to slip from your grip.

"shit!" you cursed and hurriedly picked up your phone to cancel the call but it was already answered.

you gasped and slapped a hand to your mouth.

"y/n?"

oh how much you missed that voice calling your name. if not for the shock, you would've teared up hearing her voice. you hurriedly pressed the end button and tossed your phone on the coffee table.

"good god..." you said and downed a whole can of beer.

well it was a bad idea because now you're really drunk and lonely and the rain wasn't making it any better. you accidentally called your ex, heard her voice and now you miss her.

☆

yunjin looked at her phone with confusion as she sat in her bed. she had just gotten out of a warm shower after practicing for their upcoming comeback. setting the phone down, she stared at the wall as she let her thoughts run. from their upcoming comeback and how it would do, her thoughts drifted to you. a sad sigh escaping her mouth as her eyes landed on a jacket she hung. the one she wore when she broke things off.

she regretted it, yes, but she had no choice. your relationship was starting to fail when she got busy for their last comeback. fights were becoming frequent when she'd snap at the smallest things due to lack of rest and the pressure of their comeback. that time their group was also under heavy criticism due to a simple mistake that added fuel to the fire. her management urged her to end her relationship to protect their group incase someone leaks your relationship. yunjin didn't want to hurt you and ruin your career so she did the regrettable.

hanging her head down, she let her tears fall and let the feelings pour out as the rain drowned out the sound. sometimes, she'd wish she was stronger and fought for your relationship, for you.

her cries were cut off when her phone rang, flinching in surprise, she looked at who was calling her at this time. seeing that it was your number again, she immediately grabbed her phone. her finger hesitating to press the answer button yet did it anyway and she immediately heard your soft sniffles and your shaky breath.

"can you come over? i need you right now." you softly whispered through the phone.

your soft voice that used to whisper sweet nothings to her, your soft voice that would sing to her heart whenever you'd serenade her and the voice that she misses so much. it was enough to put her on her feet and storm out of her room.

looking at her phone, you had ended the call. she sighed and speed-walked to the front door when her leader called her.

"yunjin? where are you headed to this late?" chaewon asked, crossing her arms.

yunjin pursed her lip, deciding to lie or not before answering.

"y/n...she called and said she needed me.." the leader uncrossed her arm, brow raised in confusion.

"and you'd risk getting caught by dispatch over a call?" chaewon stared at her red-haired member who held a pleading expression. she sighed and waved yunjin off, walking towards her room.

"just don't get caught and use the manager's car. i'll talk to him for you." a smile broke in yunjin's lips as she eagerly nodded and jogged to grab the car key from the drawer.

"will do!" yunjin whisper yelled and put on a disguise. a good old hat and mask, tying her hair neatly under her hat—hiding her recognisable red hair.

☆

you were lying on the cold floor, eyes staring at the ceiling—which had remnants of the past. a masking tape you placed to hold the balloons when you surprised yunjin on her birthday. you forgot to take that off and now seeing it made all the memories flood your mind.

your eyes shifted to your phone that was held loosely by your left hand. you grimaced at how you let yourself go and drunk called your ex. a groan escapes your mouth as you writhe on the ground in embarrassment.

a ring on your doorbell knocked you off your actions— making you confused and scared. it's already two in the morning and you weren't expecting any visitors—unless you were thinking of how you called your ex to come over but it's impossible. there's no way she'd come over.

a ring resounded again and it made you stand up, wobbling to it. getting a grip on the doorknob, you twisted it and opened the brown door. all sense of security leaving your alcohol-drowned brain.

a masked person stood before you, eyes locking with yours. you swear you've seen those dark brown eyes before but you just can't remember where and when. the person took off their mask and you let out the most audible gasp. it seemed to make you slightly sober because you immediately pulled the person in and closed the door.

"yunjin? what are you doing here? you might get seen!" you said and immediately let go of your grip on her wrist. you didn't really expect her to come over.

finding the situation quite awkward, you stepped a good steps back. yunjin looked at you and chuckled softly.

"were you drinking?" she asked.

"no." her eyes shifted to the mess behind you then back to yours before raising a brow.

"yes." you sighed and she shook her head.

walking past you, she went to the kitchen and grabbed a plastic bag. her familiarity with your place making you remember the days where she'd spend the night over and cook you delicious meals that you miss.

your eyes followed her as she went to the living room and picked up the empty beer cans on the ground. feeling guilty over her cleaning your mess, you walked into the living room and took the plastic from her—making her look at you.

"i'll clean it myself." you said but she took it from you.

"no, i'll take care of this. you go take a shower and then sleep." you looked at her as she continued cleaning your mess while you stood there watching her.

there she goes again, making you feel things with her actions. a trait of hers that you fell so hard for. but now, it only made your heart wrench in pain.

hearing your silence, yunjin stopped and looked up at you. eyes widening at the tears streaming down your face. dropping the plastic, yunjin got up and went to you, holding your face as she wiped the tears from your eyes with her thumb.

you chuckled bitterly.

"why are you doing this? we're not together anymore. exes don't wipe their ex's tears." you bitterly said, making yunjin stop and let go of you.

"right..." she nodded and stepped back.

"exes also don't call their ex saying to come over because you need them." yunjin retorted making you lock eyes with her.

"can you blame me? you came into my life, rocked my world and left me with these memories i wanted to forget so bad." yunjin's eyes widened at your words as you stood there breathing heavily.

"i wanted to beg to you to come back... i felt so alone that no matter what i do—i just can't fill the hole you left in my heart." tears welled in yunjin's eyes.

"i..oh god..i'm sorry..." yunjin cried as she closed the gap between you and held your face, wiping tears with her thumb.

"please...just for tonight...let me love you again..." you plead, eyes looking back at hers for a response.

the red haired girl nodded and without wasting time, you closed the distance between you—lips crashing against each other. you tasted the tears that you've both shed as you shared a passionate kiss filled with longing for each other.

your arms snaked around her neck as hers circled smoothly to your waist, pulling you even closer. as your lungs burned at the lack of oxygen, yunjin pulled away—foreheads against each other as you both pant heavily.

"i might get drunk with all the beer you've drunk." yunjin commented making you chuckle.

"oh yeah?" you said and leaned for a kiss, smiling against her lips that you missed so much.

lost in the heat of the kiss, you failed to realize that you were now against the wall, her hand trapping you in her tall build whilst the other held your waist. a once passionate kiss turned into something more when yunjin pulled away to breathe and you saw the hungry look in her eyes.

"fuck this." you said and pulled her to the sofa, pushing her against the soft cushion—straddling her immediately.

as if automatic, her hands landed on your hips and pulled you closer to her. looking up at you with an intense, hungry gaze like a predator ready to pounce on her prey—you. pushing your face to hers, your lips danced together emitting sloppy sounds with your soft sighs and moans.

yunjin bit your lip, eliciting a moan from you—music to her ears. taking this chance to invade your mouth with her tongue who danced with yours leaving you breathless. her lips parted from your mouth and trailed kisses from your jaw to your neck.

she softly bit your neck, earning a moan from you. her lips went to your sensitive spot which she knows by heart and began abusing your skin, biting it softly then kissing it. controlled by her lust and hunger, she failed to realize that she'd been sucking on it. once she's done, she released your skin with a pop as she pulled away—looking at the red marks on your neck that are starting to darken a bit.

proud at her 'art', her attention went to your hungry gaze and now swollen lips that are begging for her care. she decided to tease you for a bit, ghosting her lips just a mere centimeter away from yours—watching as you squirm and push your head against hers. you hungrily kissed her, your tongue invading hers but was quickly dominated by her.

the heat becoming too much, you pulled away as you quickly removed your shirt—yunjin helped you so. lips crashing immediately as you threw it somewhere in your room. her lips parted from yours again and ventured beneath your neck, lightly nipping on your skin. her mouth just above your mounds making you whimper when she teasingly licked on the skin.

your eyes met hers, and you just knew where this kiss would lead—a path of no return, one you’d likely regret in the morning. but the thought barely lingered, drowned out by the intoxicating pull of her lips. drunk in her kisses, you leaned in again, letting her warmth consume you.

the world outside blurred as the glass windows fogged up, a hazy testament to the clash of warmth and cold. under the drizzling rain, her lips met yours in a heated frenzy—a desperate attempt to fill the fractures in your hearts. it was a kiss that erased everything but the two of you, a kiss that begged to mend what was broken, if only for a fleeting moment... or maybe, just maybe, forever.

.

.

.

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halo im back after being gone for almost a week. i made this about three days ago but lost the inspiration to finish it until now so here ya go.

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + thirty eight | part two

authors note: see at end of chapter.

warnings: fluff and angst

story song inspo: ‘looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

chapter song inspo: 'that's the way it is' by celine dion

cast+ masterlist +story playlist + taglist request form

words: 16k

Daytime is easier, nighttime is trickier, but bedtime is when it all comes to a head.

When Solana removes the decorative pillows and pulls back the covers. When she lifts Dulce and places her fur baby on the same bed that she climbs into shortly after. When Solana adjusts the blankets and shifts onto her side, her hand planted on her growing baby bump. And, she closes her eyes, prepared to sleep. That's when it hits her.

The light is still on.

The light is still on.

The light that Roman always shuts off for them before he climbs into bed with her, gently tugging her close and into him. His strong arm securely wrapped around her as he kisses her temple and tells her he loves her.

But, none of that happens.

It doesn't happen, because he's not here.

The light is still on.

That's when the tears come. When Solana does her best to soothe herself, sometimes grabbing her phone and looking at pictures of them. Even reaching for one of his shirts, swapping out her gown for something that holds her husband's masculine scent.

It doesn't work.

Not usually.

If anything, it makes things worse.

Reminds her that once again, he's not here.

The light is still on.

-------

She spends her days as best she can. Rarely, if ever, alone. Paloma makes sure of that. If it’s not her abuela forcing her to leave the bed and come sit in the living room as they quietly watch TV, it’s Afia and the children coming over to keep her company. It’s Bayley coming in the room with her as the two sit and talk, discussions about what will be like when this all passes, and they can return home. Aurora is brought over by her mom, usually, Solana able to spend a few hours with the little girl, mentoring and just interacting with her.

Solana appreciates it. She does. It helps her to not be too into her head, but at the end of the day, it all still falls short. There’s not an hour that passes that she doesn’t think of her husband. 

That she doesn’t wonder about what Roman’s doing. How he’s doing. What his recovery is looking like. If he’s taking care of himself like he said he would. 

If he’s being safe. 

There are tears. Most definitely, there are tears. And, those are largely brought on and up when she looks down at her baby bump. As she watches it grow, the roundness of her stomach seemingly expanding week by week. As she follows along with the app. And especially when she attends her checkup appointment. Her abuela is there with her, but Roman isn’t. 

And, the lack of him is devastating. In all aspects.

She misses him. She just really fucking misses him, and as amazing as her family and support system have been, it still doesn’t take away from the fact that she feels lonely. There’s a void his absence causes that can’t and won’t be filled by anything other than their reunion. 

Solana does her best not to think of how much time passes. It only makes things worse. 

She tries to think of life after this chapter. Of a life when and where she can focus primarily on the upcoming birth of her daughters. Of what changes motherhood and parenthood will bring about for the both of them. Of the happiness that will bring. 

But, there are also those heavy, inescapable moments where she can’t help but think and dwell on what got them here. The betrayal. The lies. The loss. 

So many things have changed, and not for the better. She thinks of Jey, a perfect mixture of anger and sympathy for the man she once considered a brother. Same as her husband did. 

She’s hurt and angered by his betrayal, but she also feels for him having lost his wife, the mother of his children. His children who now have to grow up as she did, without the love and presence of their mother. 

Solana didn’t know Nicki well, and while the few interactions they had were….interesting, to say the least, she was still a person. A mother and a wife. Solana doesn’t know how much “love” was present between Jey and Nicki, but she firmly believes Nicki loved her children. And, her children loved her back.

And, it was for them, for the children, that Solana pleaded with her husband. 

She doesn’t hate Jey, but his role in the coup is not something she can easily move past. She won’t, because while she does believe he did not know the full extent, he knew something. He was still in agreement with turning against her husband, and that is enough for her. 

But, his children, for all their misbehavior, are innocent. To grow up motherless is one thing, but to grow up motherless and fatherless seems inconceivable. And, truly, Solana considered Roman when making her decision to ask him to spare Jey's life.

She considered what being orphaned, essentially, was like for Roman. It impacted him in so many ways, few of a positive nature, so much so that it made her feel like she had no choice but to ask her husband not to kill him.

Truth be told, she’s not sure if Roman will honor her request. She can only hope and pray that he does.

Then, there’s Jimmy and Naomi.

Solana holds no contempt towards them. Not really. Roman told her about his conversation with his other cousin. How Jimmy disclosed there was always some sort of discontentment from Rikishi towards Roman, and she understands why this bothers him. Why it upset him.

However, she’s not prepared to lump him in the same category as his traitorous brother. Naomi, either.

To Solana, the only thing they’re guilty of is naivety. And, more Jimmy than Naomi, because Solana still, even after everything, believes that Naomi was valid with her feelings expressed during the girls trip. Her delivery of said issues was just what Solana had problems with. Along with the fact that she hadn’t said something sooner.

And now that conversation, the necessary one that needed to happen before everything went down, that still needs to happen, remains in limbo. Because, right now, from Solana’s understanding, Roman wants nothing to do with Jimmy. She doesn’t necessarily feel the same, but it’s also not her place to tell him how to handle this. 

Right or wrong, it’s how he feels, and she respects that. She will respect it.

Granted, it leaves her feeling a bit stuck regarding how she’s supposed to navigate her relationship with Naomi moving forward. Is there still one? Can there still be one where she respects the wishes of her husband while not destroying the sisterhood she built up with the woman she really did—does—consider a sister?

Solana honestly doesn’t know.

There’s truly so much up in the air, so many things to sort through and figure out. But, at the end of the day, the number one priority is remaining healthy for her babies. She can only think of and focus on so many things at a time, and her immediate family comes first. 

Her immediate family being her babies, Dulce included, and her husband. 

Everything has to work itself out at some point.

She believes that. She has to. 

She has nothing else to believe in.

—-------

6 weeks. 

6 weeks in total that passed without any contact, any sort of interaction between Roman and his wife.

Six weeks that felt infinitely longer. As busy as he was during the time, settling all the wrongs, it never escaped him. The fact that he was alone.

He had his brother, had his two cousins, but he didn't have his wife of their dog, and the presence of close relatives didn't make up for that deficit. Not as much as he thought, or maybe hoping, it would.

Nevertheless, Roman did his best to keep himself busy. He worked and then worked some more. Killed. Killed a lot more. Thought….he thought a lot more than he worked and killed, probably.

Sessions with Lita helped, but they didn’t help enough.

Then….that.

Roman couldn’t allow himself to think of that.

His mother and grandfather a thing, even with all his pride, Roman knew he needed Solana to help him with. To sort through.

That it’s not something he could or perhaps even can handle on his own.

Hence why that shit’s been put on the backburner. 

Especially now.

Now that it's time.

Time to bring Solana home.

Roman’s return is something that was kept on a need to know basis. It’s not that he wanted to surprise Solana. They were way past that shit. He just didn’t want anyone to inform her, and some shit happened, hindering his return. Delaying it. No, he wanted to be 100% certain nothing could get in the way of him finally being reunited with his wife. 

Especially as his return falls on the day before Christmas Eve. Ideal timing. Not preferred, but ideal. He knew how upset she was about them missing their first Thanksgiving together, and while he’s never been big on holidays, he respects that that’s something important to her.

So, being able to bring her home just in time for Christmas is at least something. 

He arrives in the evening, as per Paloma’s suggestion. Makes his way through the back of the house. Also Paloma’s suggestion. 

She’d let him in, Roman a bit unsure of just how to interact with her. He thanked her, for certain, though something told him that it was unnecessary. That she was eager to spend as much time with her granddaughter just as much as Solana wanted to spend time with her.

Still, the circumstances were not ideal. For certain.

Left alone, Roman looks around the home, as if trying to see if anything has changed but also taking it all in. There's something welcoming and homely about the aroma of the food marinating in the kitchen, the sound of the TV at a low volume that serves as background noise of sorts. The windows that are partially open, allowing a nice breeze and the sounds of nature to filter throughout the abode.

Home.

It feels like home.

The sound of a single bark redirects Roman's focus as the smallest smile falls on his face.

He's moving to his knees at the same time Dulce makes a beeline for him, jumping in his arms, whimpering and trying to lick him.

Roman chuckles, petting her while standing up and still holding her. "I've missed you, too, girl." Because he has. As much as Solana is his wife, is his family, so is Dulce. The first addition to their growing family, if he's being honest with himself.

Paloma walks out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron, smiling as she watches Dulce continue to wiggle around, overcome with excitement at her dad being home. "Well, I certainly see why that one is so spoiled."

Roman glances over at the older woman, offering no protest. He can also admit that Dulce pretty much gets whatever she wants, within reason.

He does wonder how that might change, if it will change, once the girls are born.

It's a thought that dims his prior smile, slows down his interactions with the still excited puppy. "How….how was she?"

Paloma lifts her chin. Something tells Roman she knows he's not referring to Dulce.

"She's missed you. A lot." He swallows. "But, all things considered, she's done well. We kept her busy, wouldn't let her sulk when she wanted to, gave her space when she needed it."

Space.

That's probably the one word Roman never wants used in regards to any aspect of his marriage ever again in life.

They've had enough space to last them a fucking lifetime.

Paloma claps the remnants of crumbs from her hands and walks over to him. Roman allows her to take Dulce, ensuring she's holding her properly.

"Go." Paloma nods toward the backdoor. "She's out by the ocean." Roman's expression must give away his curiosity, as she smiles softly. "Some of us believe water to be sacred, some say it holds memories, others say it represents life and fertility." Her grin is solemn, bittersweet. "I think it made her feel closer to you."

Roman, once again, has nothing to say in response. Is sitting on the words that are covered and too enmeshed with all the emotions he's feeling. That he refuses to show but feels nonetheless.

"Go," Paloma repeats herself, stepping back while gently caressing Dulce's head. "I think you've both waited long enough, don't you?"

Very fucking much so.

He gives Dulce a final pet on her head before nodding at Paloma. "Thank you."

For it all.

She says nothing, talking to Dulce in Spanish as she heads back in the kitchen and him out the backdoor. There's a strange, unfamiliar, weird as fuck sensation that climbs up his legs and settles into his stomach as Roman makes his way through the backyard, leading to the beach.

Nerves.

It feels like nervousness, but he hasn't the slightest clue as to why when he literally never gets nervous. Ever. Also, why the hell would he be nervous to see his wife? This is Solana. What reason does he have to be nervous about seeing her?

It's small, a glint of a thing, but it comes to him, Roman gradually realizing his nervousness comes from the fact that he's unsure how she feels. How she feels about how long they've been separated. How long he left her.

Longer than either of them would have liked, but shorter than what either feared.

He wonders….he wonders if she'll be upset with him, and that's always been something he's struggled with. He doesn't like upsetting her. Never has. But, he also knows this separation was completely beyond his control. Necessary. It was necessary for Roman to clean up the mess back home before she could return. To eliminate all potential threats.

And, that's exactly what he's done.

He just hopes she understands.

Roman manages to quietly but brusquely wave away the guards that patrol the same beach he walked on over a month ago. It feels like a lifetime. Like a millennia that he's been gone, and he's hated every fucking second of it.

Scowling at a guard who takes too damn long for his liking to leave, Roman readies to verbally accost them when he sees it.

Sees her.

Maybe a good ten to twelve feet away, she's exactly where her grandmother said she would be.

Standing by the Ocean.

Roman stills, completely overcome with all the things.

Standing, facing the water, she plays with something in her hand, her gaze focused on the waves in front of her while he focuses on something else entirely.

The fall of her long, sleeveless white dress against her stomach. Against her baby bump that's significantly more prominent than the last time he saw her. When he left, Solana could still, with the right clothes, conceal her bump. But now, he's almost certain there's no concealing that. No hiding that she's in fact pregnant, that a child grows in her womb.

Two.

He swallows, watching as she tosses whatever was in her hand into the water. Watches how she lowers her hand to her stomach, rubbing and smiling sadly. Watches as she turns to continue walking among the sand, water slapping against the bottom of her dress.

It's only then he realizes the distance happening between that.

The last thing he wants.

No more.

He's careful in his movements, long legs allowing him to close said distance with a minimal amount of time. He does his best, however, to not alarm or scare her. To keep his presence a secret, of sorts.

And, then she stops. Stops walking.

So does he.

Roman sees her head tip down, hears her quiet, soft chuckle. "You know…." His stomach twists. It's been too long since he's heard her voice. "You don't have to stay so close to me."

The smallest hint of a smile as he shoves back all those damn emotions. "I don't think I could ever not want to be close to you, pretty girl."

A gasp. A small shout even. The way her body snaps around feels almost impossibly and inhumanly too fast.

But, she does.

She does.

Solana is staring at him, mouth ajar, eyes widen, face filled with all the shock. She doesn't move. Doesn't say anything, not at first, anyway.

"Roman…"

And, that breathy, emotion filled address is followed by her gathering up the bottom of her dress and closing that damn distance between them.

Her arms are around him, holding on tighter than she's ever held him. The same way his are wrapped around her waist, her baby bump between them nothing but an additive. An inclusion into this heartwarming reunion.

"You're here," she cries into him. Her fingers grasp at the hair on the back of his neck, her body trembling against him as she sobs. "You're here…"

His eyes shut. "I'm here," he repeats, kissing her temple. He doesn't let her go. Not once. Not fucking once.

Solana holds on and clings to him, murmuring, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Roman sighs, reciprocating the exact same thing, because he’s felt the exact same thing. 

And, he tells her as such. “I’ve missed you, too, Sol.” Deeply. In all of the ways. And thinking of it, thinking of how lonely he’s felt without her soothing presence, brings up those emotions. Emotions he does his best to keep at bay. This isn’t about him. It’s about her.

But, Solana is perceptive. She knows him better than he knows himself, sometimes, it feels like. 

So, when she pulls away to look up at him, he sees it. Sees the way her gaze shifts, how she transitions from being overwhelmed with feelings of everything and above. Slides into something of concern.

She grasps his face, voice quiet but audible. "What's wrong?"

A lot of things. More than he'd like to admit, and in a weird turn of events, it has nothing to do with the reason she's had to remain in Mexico.

And everything to do with the woman he wishes would have never reappeared in his life.

Would have stayed dead.

But, that's for then. Roman mentally nor emotionally feels like discussing that. Not right now.

He wants to enjoy this.

Enjoy her.

So, he settles for a truth for her ears and her ears only.

Roman licks his bottom lip, voice quiet and vulnerable. "I've needed you…"

He sees the moment her shoulders drop, a heavy, heartfelt sigh leaving her mouth. "Mi amor….." Solana blinks, shaking her head. "Come here…." Solana pulls him back into a hug, except, this time, it feels less for her. More for him.

Because, it is for him.

She's comforting him.

Solana kisses his temple, sliding her fingers up, gently massaging his scalp. "I'm here now." He sighs against and into her. "It's okay." She's with him. He's not alone anymore, and as long as there's breath in her body, he'll never be alone again. She goes to reassure him again when a sensation causes her to still. A movement. In her stomach.

Solana jerks back, mouth slightly ajar, hands on her belly as she looks down.

Naturally, Roman's entire disposition shifts. "What's wrong?"

She doesn't say anything. She can't. She's waiting for—again.

She feels it again.

Undeniable, this time.

Emotion climbing all over once more, she murmurs, "oh my God...."

"Solana, what's wrong?" He repeats himself, the concern growing as he moves closer to her.

Shaking her head, she reaches for his hands, laying them on her stomach. She looks up, eyes still watery, and a smile weighed down with that emotion. "Feel."

Roman, however, remains equally confused as he is concerned. "Solana, what—"

Silence.

Movement.

His expression shifts once more. Less concerned. Fully taken back. "Is that—"

"It is." She nods, sniffling and explaining. "I—I was starting to get concerned, because I hadn't…I hadn't felt them at all, and I should have at this point in the pregnancy, but I think—" She reaches a hand to cup his bearded face, voice cracking. "I think they were just waiting for daddy to come back."

His eyes lock with hers, filled with all the sincerity and vulnerability. Love. Filled with love.

They're kicking. His daughters. For the first time, for the both of them, Roman and Solana can more than just see them. They can feel them.

It's something one can't truly nor accurately describe. Just an insane amount of joy and delight.

Happiness.

Solana takes her other hand and rests it atop his that hasn't left her stomach.

"Let's go home, mi amor."

—--------

It doesn't take long for the family of three to leave. Solana had wondered why so many people had been over at the house yesterday. Why it felt like they'd lingered a bit longer than usual, even with it being an early Christmas "party." She'd felt like something was off but had pushed it to the side, chalking it up to her emotions being muddy due to Roman's absence and her pregnancy.

But, now, now she knows it's because Roman had informed her abuela and the appropriate parties that he'd be coming for her, and abuela sought to make sure everyone had time to see her and say "goodbye," so that they could leave shortly after he arrived.

Which is exactly what happened. Solana's longest goodbye was with her grandmother, as was expected. It was not without the promise for Paloma to come to the states and stay with her and Roman during the last month of Solana's pregnancy to ensure she didn't miss the birth.

An easy thing for the older woman to agree to.

The best thing for Solana.

But, what's not best nor preferred and definitely not liked is the quietness of her husband. Not that Roman is ever one for many words, in the first place. But, it's the fact that she knows there's a reason behind his quietness that bothers her. It bothers her to know there's something wrong with him, and he's not saying anything.

They lay in bed together on his private jet carrying them back to a home she's been dying to see for over a month now.

It's felt so much longer than that.

So much longer.

Her fingers caress his scalp as he lays besides her, body slightly hovered over hers as he continues to rub her stomach. "I can't….I can't believe how…how much you've grown."

"You mean how big I've gotten?" She teases in a soft voice and with a small smile. He looks up with a tiny glare. She sighs, eyes falling to her stomach. "I'll be five months next week…."

He knows. She's sure he knows, and he confirms as such. "I know. I….I was following along in that app you showed me."

Her chest tightens just a bit.

So was she.

"Ro…." He's once again forced to redirect his focus from her bare belly to her concerned gaze. "Talk to me." Something flashes in his eyes, prompting her to whisper, "what happened?"

It's strange how just the gleam of something in his warm eyes say so much without saying anything. She studies the way he shifts, watches how he moves to sit up next to her. She turns and angles her body as much as she can, holding onto his arm. "Rom—"

"My mother is still alive."

One blink. Two. Three.

A what that rests on the tip of her tongue. That small part of her, though unlike his character, waiting for the joke. For the confirmation that he isn't being serious.

But, it never comes. He just continues to look down, hand on her thigh, moving up in down in calming motions.

Solana sits up, eyes slightly widened. "Wh—what?"

Roman's jaw twitches. "She's—she's alive." He turns to look at her. "She's been alive. All this fucking time."

There's a continued, lingering disbelief. One that has her with so many questions, mainly, a big, massive how. Though Roman hadn't gone into explicit specifics, the way his family was killed, she'd just assumed…

How?

Disbelief paints her face. "How—how did you find out—"

"I saw her."

Silence. "You did?"

He nods, still not looking at her, focused on the edge of the bed where Dulce sleeps peacefully, oblivious to the heavy conversation transpiring. "She—she showed up at my office. Her and….and my grandfather.”

“Grand….” Solana knew she must have missed a lot during their separation but just how much she missed is blowing her mind right now. “I didn’t….maternal?” He doesn’t provide a direct answer, but it’s not exactly necessary. She can put two and two together. But, that’s about the only thing she can piece together. “Rom—”

“She should have stayed fucking dead.”

At that, she swallows. Gone are any traces of vulnerability. Replaced is anger. 

And, a lot of it.

“Baby—”

“I don’t need her. Didn’t then. Don’t now.” Words spoken from anger and something else. Definitely something else. “Doesn’t matter if she’s alive. She’s still dead to me.”

It’s obvious a conversation occurred when his mother, his alive mother, showed up at his office. A conversation Solana would bet did not go well. Did not go well at all. But, she can also see it. See that he’s not in a place or space to have that discussion right now. It needs to be had though. For sure. But, she won’t force it. Won’t force him. 

She’ll give him his space. For now. And revisit when the time is not necessarily right—because she's not sure that exists for something like this—but better than it is now. 

Solana leans up and kisses his cheek, her lips lingering as she murmurs, “it’s okay, mi amor.” It’s not. It’s very much not okay. But, it’s been not okay since she was kidnapped and the betrayals were revealed, and that is something, she’s almost certain, he still hasn’t processed either. So, this massive, unexpected thing is going to have to take the backburner until they get everything else sorted. What exactly that looks like, she’s not sure. She just knows that she’ll be with him every step of the way in and with whatever this journey looks like.

Always.

—-------

They don't leave their bedroom. Not on Christmas Eve. Not really. Nothing but discussions, reunification, and lovemaking. Making up for all of the time lost and then some. For Roman and Solana, the world consists of only them and Dulce. Everything else is irrelevant as they engage in and indulge in each other.

A necessity after being apart for so long.

Christmas morning is special for a variety of reasons. The main one being the minute they pulled up to the house upon her return home, she was immediately taken back by the outside. Christmas lights and other decorations greeted her and Dulce, who damn near jumped out of her arm to go bark at the Santa that Roman had on the porch. 

And, the surprises continued, as Solana found the interior just as wonderfully, festively decorated as the outside.  

Tears in her eyes, she’d looked over at him in disbelief. She’s known from the beginning his stance on holidays, so coming home to find her home so beautiful and cheery, it meant so much to her. He'd done it for her, because he loves her. The reason he does majority, if not all the amazing things he does and is for her. Her eyes shut as he leaned over and kissed her forehead, murmuring, “welcome home, baby.”

A wonderful welcome it certainly was. 

Waking up extra early Christmas morning, Solana managed to sneak away, venturing downstairs to her kitchen where she was able to prepare and surprise her husband with a grand breakfast. 

Among other things. 

He’d come down the steps, partially irritated only because it hadn’t dawned on him to have the chef prepare breakfast for them. An insult to her, though. 

If there’s one thing Solana loves, it’s to cook. She especially loves to cook for her husband. And given it’s their first major holiday spent together, she’s not prepared to let it go to waste. 

She simply lets her husband hold her, leaning up on her toes to kiss him, an emotional “Merry Christmas, mi amor” on her lips right as Dulce comes running in, like the firstborn that she is, clearly eager and ready to open gifts. 

Despite Dulce’s protests, the actual gift opening doesn’t happen until after Solana and Roman have shared breakfast together, the easy, light banter and conversation between them something both had deeply missed. 

But, when it does roll around for presents to be revealed, no one is happier than Dulce who receives an abundance of toys, clothes (she could pass on that), treats, and yet more beds. 

Giggling, Solana looks over at Roman who watches, shaking his head as Dulce makes herself comfortable in her latest sleeping option. “Now, who’s got her spoiled?”

He rolls his eyes, snapping a photo of their primadonna puppy. She especially appreciates how he's had his camera out, snapping and capturing memories ever since she returned. “You started it.”

Debatable. 

Of course, Roman being Roman, went above and beyond with his gifts for his wife. Solana is certain their new house will need a separate room just for all of her clothes and accessories. Once again, she’s overwhelmed with expensive, designer bags, jewelry, etc. But, as always, what makes her the happiest are the journals and books. They mean the most to her out of anything. It’s all appreciated, but there’s something about him gifting her with something he knows she loves so deeply that makes it even better.

But, as thankful and grateful she is for his never-ending generosity, she’s most excited, albeit nervous, for her gifts for him.

“Okay,” she starts, having walked over and grabbed two of the bags she’d snuck under their tree before going to bed last night. “Your turn.”

Roman lowers his camera from where he was snapping photos of her. “Baby, you know I don’t need anything.”

“Neither did I, and that didn’t stop you.” Is her soft counter. Solana stands before him, both bags in one hand, the other hand rubbing her belly. “Plus, I had to….it’s our first Christmas together.”

And, the last Christmas where they’ll just be a family of three, because come this time next year, they’ll have their daughters.

Just the thought brings a small smile to her face.

He sighs, moving the Canon to the right of him. “Still, Sol.”

She ignores him, offering the bag with what she wants him to see first. “Open it.”

He accepts it, legs spread just enough to rest it on the exposed space of the sofa. Solana bites down on her bottom lip, watching his face the whole time to assess for his reaction. She watches how he pulls out the neatly folded shirt, the tissue paper falling to the carpet. Sees how he lifts it up, the plain black back facing her, the front facing him. 

“OTC?” 

He lowers it just enough to catch her gaze. She nods, softly, offering explanation as he moves it to his lap, fingers ghosting over the intricate design embedded behind the blood red letters. 

“You’re the Only Tribal Chief.” Once more, his eyes are on her. “My OTC.”

It’s a term she’d heard Domingo, Matteo, and Dwayne use at various points back in Mexico. A powerful term considering everything that happened. One that feels entirely applicable for her husband. 

They tried to get rid of him, tried to kill him, tried to lay claim to a throne that rightfully belongs to him. 

But, they failed.

And, they always will.

Roman Reigns is the Tribal Chief. 

The Only Tribal Chief.

“Your OTC, huh?” Her smile is shy, almost. There’s a hint of respect in his voice that means a lot to her. “I like that.” A soft chuckle leaves his mouth as he again focuses on the design, recognition dawning. “These patterns….”

“They’re your tattoos,” she answers the unasked question. “I—I designed it for you.”

His surprise is evident and unhidden. “You did?”

Another nod and an almost bashful acknowledgement. “Yeah…” She shrugs with just one shoulder, adding, “I know you’re not into….fashion and things like that, but, I don’t know, I just thought—” An unfinished statement as she’s gently tugged forward, in between his legs and then onto his lap. The shirt resting over the same arm that’s over her, his hand on the side of her belly. 

“I love it,” he murmurs, eyes flitting up and down over her. “Thank you.”

Solana’s smile is unavoidable, as she leans forward to kiss him. “You’re welcome.” Wasting no time, she hands him the other bag. “Here.”

He wordlessly accepts it only after placing the shirt on the sofa beside him, next to his camera, the gift bag carefully kicked to the side, still on the floor. 

“This one might be my favorite.” Her confession is accompanied by part 2 of watching every movement he makes before reaching the end goal. Instead of lifting it up, largely due to the fact that she sits on his lap, Roman simply lays it to the side where both of them can see it. 

An amused smile grows at the way he scowls, confusion evident as he looks down at the black shirt with white writing. Spanish. He looks at her. “What does it say?”

She giggles. “Real men make twins.”

His smile also grows, the biggest she’s seen in some time. The quiet laughter that leaves his mouth is nourishment to her soul she didn’t realize she was lacking until now. “I saw it in the market while I was on my girls trip, but I couldn’t get it, because I didn't want to risk anyone finding out about the pregnancy. But, Afia saw me looking at it and bought it for me, so I guess it’s a gift from her.”

“Naw.” He shakes his head, thumb brushing over the lettering. “It’s from you.” He lifts her hand to his mouth, kissing her palm. “And, I love it.”

A second reiteration. An overwhelming appreciation.

“Good,” she murmurs, voice softening as she takes his hand, squeezing slightly. “But, that’s not all.”

“Solana…”

Climbing off his lap, she gives the slightest tug, forcing him to stand. “Come on, papa.”

Quiet, expected grumbles as she starts to guide them out of the living room. Solana goes to call for Dulce to go with them, but a single glance reveals she’s fast asleep in her latest princess bed.

He shakes his head. “I told you she’s lazy.”

“Hush,” Solana chides lightly, holding his hand as she walks them to the back of the house, ignoring his question of where they’re going. 

But, it’s when they’re outside of her art room, she turns and looks up at him. “Okay, close your eyes.”

He sighs. “Baby—”

“Roman, I’m not going to tell you again,” she warns, crossing her arms, not missing how his eyes fall to her breast at the motion of them unintentionally being pushed together. “Close your eyes.”

He’s slightly annoyed. She can see as much. She also doesn’t care.

“Fine.” Her smile returns, as he obliges. Solana lifts and waves her hand in front of him, checking to make sure he’s not looking. Satisfied he isn’t, she opens the door and hits the light switch.

“Come on,” she encourages, taking his hands, guiding him into the room. Solana walks them over to the wall space opposite the open window, the natural light highlighting the heavy, black drape over her main Christmas gift for her husband. “Just a minute.” Solana works to remove the drape, allowing it to fall to the floor. Solana kicks it to the side, preventing it from obscuring any portion of the gift. “Okay.” She takes a deep breath. “Open.”

Roman doesn’t need to be told twice.

He opens his eyes.

Once again, Solana is focused solely and only on him, wanting and almost needing to see every reaction, minute to overt. And, there’s certainly a reaction.

She sees the way his face instantly softens, brows relaxed, mouth partially open. But, he doesn’t say anything, just steps forward, moves closer to the massive framed drawing that’s only a few inches shorter than him.

He stands in front of it, Solana watching silently from the side, chewing on her bottom lip. “I—I’d started one here a few months ago, but obviously, I couldn’t finish, so I….I started over while I was in Mexico. I wasn’t….I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish it before you came back, but I did.”

She’s not certain how much of the backstory he’s retaining, as it’s obvious his attention is fully focused on the unexpected gift.

“Solana…” His voice is both heavy and quiet, the weight in it undeniable emotion. “You…you made this?”

She nods with a soft smile. “Yeah.”

He returns his attention to the large scale drawing. It’s of him. A sort of headshot with the only trace of his body being his tattooed shoulder. The main focus, however, is him, his face. A side profile, jaw and expression fierce, chin jutted. An almost regal pose. His hair down and flowing, however, is what he can’t seem to look away from. Because embedded in the ringlets of his mane are two other individuals. Subtle but visible. One smiling shyly, very similar to Solana’s own current expression. The other wearing a similar expression to his own.

His daughters.

It’s his daughters.

“I know it might…” Solana starts, sounding a bit unsure. “I know it might seem silly to include them. We’ve only….we’ve only seen them in dreams, but I….” She stops, eyes closing, hands to her belly. “I know that’s them. I just….I can feel it.” 

She just can. How or why, she hasn’t a clue. Solana just knows the sweet little twin girls that she and Roman have dreamed about for months are the little girls growing inside of her stomach. 

Visions, as she once called them. 

Glimpses of their future.

A beautiful, wonderful future. 

“Baby….” His voice is even heavier. Thick with emotion. A true space of vulnerability reserved for her and only her. “It’s beautiful.”

Her throat is heavy, eyes watering. “You like it?”

Roman scoffs and reaches for her hand, gently pulling her in front of him. He brings his hands to her face, his eyes gleaming with something confined and unspoken. “I love it.” Similar sentiments towards the shirts but deeper. Infinitely deeper. "Thank you."

Her eyes shut as he kisses her forehead, one hand dropping to her stomach, moving in a gentle circle. Appreciative. Grateful. Loving.

Solana moves herself into him, holding and hugging him as he kisses the top of her head. 

“Merry Christmas, Roman…”

—-----------

The day is spent just as Christmas Eve was spent. Together. Solana reaches out and wishes happy holidays to close friends and family, but for the most part, she’s tucked up under her husband the majority of the day. Talking, discussing, planning. The pregnancy. Post birth. The new house. Dreams of the future they’ve worked so hard to create and contribute to.

Pieces finally coming together.

She is, however, a bit surprised when evening rolls around, and he shares that they have dinner reservations at one of her favorite restaurants. It’s extremely unexpected given she’s yet to make her status as not dead a public thing yet. 

Or, rather, shared it with appropriate parties. 

But, he assures her that privacy and "secret" will be maintained, and she believes him. Roman has always prioritized giving and allowing them the space to just be. That, especially after everything that’s happened, is bound to not change anytime soon. 

If ever.

So, she obliges, getting done up, even donning a dress not even a year ago she wouldn’t dare to brave, let alone while pregnant. But, that was then. This is now. She’s a completely changed person in all the best ways. 

So, they share dinner together, talking, connecting, completely immersed in only the person sitting across from them. It’s a bit scary to her just how easy it is to get lost in Roman. The world feels like it starts and ends with him sometimes.

She wonders if he feels the same way about her.

Something tells her he does.

But, as they drive back home after almost three hours at the restaurant, Solana can feel it. Feel a shift within him. Nothing bad. Just….different. 

He’s quiet, and while she could guess that it’s largely due to them exhausting most and all topics on their date, it’s different. She can’t explain it, but she feels it. 

They ride home in almost complete silence. One of his big hands resting on her stomach, the other on the steering wheel.

She doesn’t say anything though. Prefers to wait until they’re back at the house. 

But, it’s when they arrive home, stepping out of the car, Roman closing the door behind her, Solana’s attention is immediately drawn to the front door. 

“Ava?”

Sure enough, Roman’s cousin stands at their front door, and not only is she standing in the front door, but she’s holding Dulce.

Naturally, Solana walks over, Ava meeting her halfway on the cobblestone driveway, instantly pulling her into a one arm hug.

“It’s so good to see you,” she murmurs. Only then does Solana realize this is the first time they’ve seen each other since the coup.

She sighs. Happily. “It’s good to see you, too, Ava.”

Briefly, Solana wonders if her friends will feel the same. 

Cameron. Mickie. Melina.

Will they also be relieved or too upset by the subterfuge?

It’s a thought she has to shake away, as the two women separate. Ava takes a step back, smiling widely at Solana’s bump. “Holy shit, they’re getting so big.” 

Solana giggles and rubs her bump. “They are.” However, it’s Dulce looking over, ears up, clearly wanting to be pet that redirects Solana’s attention. “What….what are you doing here?”

She looks up and back at Roman who stands close behind Solana. “I–I wanted to see you guys.”

Solana eyes her suspiciously. “Ava, you hate Roman.”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

“You literally told me, “I hate him.” To be fair, Solana knows that Ava doesn't actually hate Roman, but there's something about her reason for being at their house that just feels...off.

Again, more avoidance. “Okay, but that was before he almost died and shit, and then we lost an aunt. Like, a lot has happened,” she dismisses. “Besides,” her smile returns as she caresses the top of Dulce’s head, “I wanted to see this cutie.”

Solana frowns. “Dulce?”

“Duh. She’s like my favorite person in this lil fam'.” Ava reaches to rub Solana’s belly. “Until the girls get here, of course.” But before Solana can comment on Ava’s….strange demeanor, she suddenly announces, “well, I’m gonna go take her for a walk.”

At that, Solana frowns. “A walk? Dulce doesn’t go on walks this late.”

“Well, she does now.” The other woman frowns, covering her mouth with one hand to whisper, “she’s getting a little chunky.”

Dulce looks over, her ears lifting as if knowing she’s just been insulted. 

Ava, however, just offers a wave. “Have fun!” 

Solana can only open her mouth and turn to Ava who saunters off like nothing just happened. 

“What—” 

“It’s fine, Sol,” Roman advises, stepping forward and kissing her temple. 

“Where is she taking our baby?” Solana asks, trying to look past her monolithic man of a husband as he gradually guides her inside the house. “It’s getting late—”

“Damn dog sleeps all day anyway.”

Solana gasps, slapping him lightly on the chest. “Be nice.” He snorts, managing to guide her onto the porch. She continues to look off in the direction where Ava walked. “Are you sure—”

“Solana.” She turns her gaze back to him, realizing only then how serious he’d become. But, also something else….something close to trepidation. 

Like, he’s nervous. 

Solana frowns. “Roman, what’s going on?” 

In the time she’s known him, he’s never acted like this with her. So….on edge. 

But, once again, he dismisses it, instead taking her hand to lead her into their home. 

For now. 

Their home for now. 

But, that’s the least of her concerns. What sits promptly at the top of the list is the weird behavior from Ava and the uncharacteristic disposition of her husband. “Roman Tamasa Reigns—” She starts, right behind him as he goes to open the door and step inside. “What the hell is going—” She stops the second she’s inside. “On….” Solana feels like breathing is suddenly a thing only few are allowed and privy to. And, she’s not one of those people. “Oh my….” 

There’s so much to take in. The rose petals that are carefully placed and decorating the entire entryway of the home. Of various red, pink, and white colors. Heart shaped balloons in every corner. Soft music that plays in the background, a tune she can’t focus on because of everything else. Lit candles placed strategically and carefully around the home in conjunction with the low lighting that serves as the perfect ambiance. 

“Oh my God,” Solana finds words, but they’re brief and weighed down with all the emotion that fills her chest when she finally realizes what song is playing. 

Can’t Help Falling in Love 

The version from one of her favorite movies of all time, Crazy Rich Asians, from one of her favorite scenes in any adaptation of all time. 

Tears blur her vision as she looks over at her husband. “Roman…”

He says nothing, just reaches for her hand, directing her to follow him. “Come on.”

“Baby….” Her voice breaks as she does as he says, all the while taking in the beauty around her. Beauty that extends past just the foyer, the path continuing into their living room and kitchen. It’s all shades and rays of pinks and reds.

But, it’s when she sees the backyard, the petals that continue along the path there, litter their pool along with beautiful lanterns, the music even louder, emanating from the outdoor speakers, that it really breaks her. 

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

Solana starts crying, her hand over her mouth. It takes everything in her to ask, so overcome with so many feelings, “you….you did all this for me?” She sniffles, shaking her head. “It’s beautiful.”

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

“Solana…” He moves closer to her, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. “I’m not….I’m not good with words like you are, and half of this shit, I needed Ava and….Fetu’s help to figure out the best way to do” Words that make her heart stop. Fetu. If Fetu had helped Roman arrange this, then that would mean he’s been planning this for months.

Months.

He continues, swallowing, “we didn’t start out the right way, and that’s because of me. I deprived you of that. Our wedding was traumatic for you, and I fucking hate that shit more than you could ever know. I don’t ever want to be on the causing side of your trauma.”

Her eyes water, her heart aching. “Roman, you could never–”

“And, I know I can’t change what happened, but I can offer you another chance.” Solana has to remind herself the importance of breathing, watching how he reaches inside his suit jacket. “I know that my forever is with you. My forever is you, but I—I want us to do it the right way. To give you that the right way, because you deserve it, baby.”

She’s crying into her hands again as he moves to one knee. “Oh my God….”

“Solana Esmeralda Reigns, I love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever really deserve you, but I love you, and I promise to always take care of and protect you and the family we’ve made.” Her eyes widen as he pops the ring box open, revealing the most beautiful ring she’s ever seen. A massive pink diamond in the most breathtaking setting. “Will you marry me?”

Emotions. All of the emotions. Fluttering, raining, running, drowning her. 

It’s all overwhelming in the most unexpected way. He went through so much to make this happen, has been working on this for months, working to provide her the type of fantasy a woman can only dream of. The type of thing people read about in sappy romance books, all the while knowing the reality of anything similar ever happening being slim to none.

And, it’s that slim space that he’s found and made a reality. 

But, it’s only when Solana feels her babies kicking, both of them, that she realizes an answer is due.

The only answer she could ever give the man in front of her.

“Yes,” she breathes. The smallest hint of a smile on his handsome face tugs on her heartstrings even more. She cries harder. “Of course, yes.”

A million times over. In all the ways. In every universe. 

Solana watches as he removes her current ring—something she 100% plans to still keep—replacing it with the new, current one. She can only continue to stare in utter shock and disbelief at the stunning, unexpected ring sitting on her ring finger. Just like she can barely wait for him to be back on his feet to reach up, palming his face as she leans up to kiss him. Passionate. Intense. Love. 

So much love. 

Their eyes shut, foreheads touching as she moves his hands to her stomach to feel their girls moving around, as if also partaking in this unforgettable moment of love, promise, and future.

Take my hand

Take my whole life, too

For I can't help falling in love with you

—--------

"Where are we going?"

To be fair, the minute it comes out of her mouth, she already knows she's not about to receive an answer. Not a straight one anyway.

Roman lifts her hand to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles, the corner of his mouth brushing against her new wedding ring. He follows this up with a simple, "you'll see." Roman lowers their now conjoined hands, maneuvering the steering wheel with his other hand, offering nothing else.

Solana is tempted to pry and try to extract something more than that, but she decides against it. Roman has been full of nothing but positive, beautiful, wonderful surprises since their reunion. 

Something tells her this will be no different. 

Instead, her attention travels to the emotional reunion she had just yesterday at the local community recreation center. 

The children.

The children from her reading club.

Of all the people to see and reveal her not being dead to, that had to be the hardest group. Such young, innocent lives forever changed. Mourning the loss of Mrs. Jensen, the kind librarian who lost her life for nothing. Mourning the loss of her. Except, one loss was permanent. Never to be changed.

It’s a type of loss and grief Solana knows she hasn’t really started to feel and process, but one that’s bound to come sooner or later.

However, while the kids were surprised, obviously emotional, they were mostly relieved. Happy. Filled with so much relief. She was tackled with so many hugs, so many questions especially about her stomach. About her pregnancy.

Something she included in her child-friendly explanation. 

“My husband and I had to make sure those bad people couldn’t hurt me or our babies.”

Not a lie. 

Not a lie at all. 

But, it’s also the overwhelming appreciation from the parents that took Solana by surprise. The indescribable appreciation and gratitude they extended her way.

“You saved my baby.”

She can’t count how many times she was told that and other variations. A truth she hadn’t really considered until then. She wasn’t thinking about how she was, in fact, saving the kids’ lives by pleading with Solo for mercy.

She was just doing what was right.

It’s a bittersweet thing, because while she was able to save the children, she couldn’t save the other lives lost. Innocent people just going to their local library.

Sami.

Bautista.

Two people who, though not knowing for long, she will miss greatly. They were good men who didn’t deserve the ending that found them. A sentiment she shares with her husband who has vowed that he’ll make sure their families are looked after and always taken care of. 

He’d already issued payment to cover the rest of Bautista’s daughter’s collegiate years along with six figure college funds for Sami’s children. Is funding his widow's move out of the city to be closer to family.

Kind, appreciated gestures that help but don’t fully the dull the ache and pain of grief.

Again, more processing Solana knows she’ll have to work through over the next few months.

Years, even.

And, she continues to think of the past, the present, and the near future up until the SUV comes to a stop. 

One glance out the window, and all she sees is….nothing.

Solana continues to look around confused as all the outdoors. Her confused expression remains as Roman rounds the SUV and opens the door for her, helping her step out.

"Ro…." He steps back only after making sure she's flat and stable on the ground, taking her hand in his once more. "What…."

Roman continues to remain silent, guiding them deeper into….nothing.

Nothing exists around them outside of the security detail, grass, and trees in the far off distance. Beautiful. She can acknowledge that much. The views of hills and forestry in the distance are a beautiful compliment to the sun that shines behind it, illuminating and highlighting it almost.

None of that, however, explains just why her husband has them in the middle of beautiful nowhere.

"What do you think?"

Solana looks over and up at him, the two finally stopped, a distance large enough between them and their security so that a conversation can be had privately, without listening ears.

"Umm…." It could possibly be one of the most confusing questions she's had presented to her in some time. "It's…..it's a beautiful view, and the grass is….really green."

The smallest smile falls on Roman's face prompting her to reciprocate it. She loves to see him smile.

Especially these days.

Roman lifts his sunglasses up, placing them atop his head as he makes a low sound. She watches him move to stand behind her, leaning down, holding her from behind, hands on her stomach. "It's almost 700 acres." Her eyes widen at that. It's even bigger than it looks, and that's saying something. "A couple miles away from the nearest other property." Solana's initial profound confusion diminishes ever so slightly at that last line, and she knows Roman must sense it. He holds her closer, pushing back strings of her hair. "More than enough room to build as big as you want."

Her head snaps to look at him, that recognition and realization slamming into her. "Ro…"

He gestures ahead, Solana following his line of vision. "Main house could be right there." He motions to the right. "Mother-in-law suite over there." Another gesture to the broad span of emptiness. "And then anything else we want."

"Roman…" Solana pouts, eyes watering as it all comes to her. As she sees exactly why they're here. Why he's taken her here. Sees the vision. Stepping away, their hands drop as she moves one of hers to her belly, eyes closing. She can see it. See Lina and Leya chasing Roman around the pool, eager and determined to finally "catch" him. Can hear the sounds of their happy laughter and the ding of the oven signifying lunch is ready. Can smell the delicious aroma of her abuela's cooking. Can feel the love that consumes her little family.

Her home.

It's why she turns around to look at him. "It's perfect."

That same small smile returns. "Yeah?"

Solana chuckles, walking back over and reaching up to cup his bearded face. "Yeah." She leans up to kiss him, lips lingering over his. "It's ours."

"Ours," he murmurs, hands on the sides of her stomach, pulling her to him. "When do you want to break ground?"

"Tomorrow." An easy answer. Solana moves her hands up his chest, explaining, "I know it won't be ready before the girls are here, but I at least want it ready for their first Christmas." A thought crosses her mind. “Wait, we have to sign paperwork though, right?”

He shakes his head, turning her around, leaning her back against him. “I already bought it.” She gasps. “I saw it while….while you were gone, and it just seemed right. But, I wanted to get your thoughts first—”

“It’s perfect.” She cuts him off, holding onto his forearms, eyes shutting from undeniable contentment. “And ours.”

He echoes her sentiments, kissing her cheek. “Ours.”

—----------

The minute Roman opens the door for her, and Solana steps out onto the field, she takes it all in. Imagines it. Imagines a time where the stadium is filled with cheering, yelling, excited bodies, all eager and fully immersed in the game. A game her husband once played.

And, then she looks up at Roman, sees how he also looks around, but he doesn't have to imagine. He can just remember. Relive, maybe.

Reliving his time in the stadium where he played football so many years ago. The stadium that they currently stand in.

Taking his hand in hers, Roman looks down, Solana offering a small smile.

He doesn't say anything, just leans over and kisses her forehead. Solana holds onto his arm as he walks them deeper into the gridiron, in the middle almost. And, it's not until she turns around that she realizes just how heavy their security detail is. Nine SUV's lined up back to back, armed men, some Bloodline, some Cartel, standing and watching. Always assessing.

Same as the man beside her.

"It's okay," she comforts, pressing a kiss against his arm.

He sighs, still not saying anything as he just continues to wait.

And watch.

Not even five minutes later, the familiar sound of cars. SUV's. Much like the entourage they traveled with. They come in from the opposite side of the stadium. Solana counts six of them.

And the fourth one is the one that they get out of.

She sees Cody first. Sees the way his gaze falls on them, falls on Roman. The same way she feels Roman tense next to her. Subtly, Solana caresses her fingers across his arm, a quiet gesture of continued comfort. Cody rounds the SUV and opens the side door, the first person to exit bringing a small smile on Solana's face.

Emma's too.

Solana can vaguely make out the sound of the little girl saying something, a big smile planted on her face as she makes a beeline towards where she stands with Roman. Already feeling him tense even more, Solana moves to stand in front of him, to prevent him from doing anything.

"Solana!" Emma cries out happily as she slams her little body against Solana's legs, hugging her.

"Hi, Emma," she greets, watching the little girl pull back, eyes wide, mouth ajar as she stares at her stomach.

At her baby bump.

"You're having a baby?"

Naturally, Solana's smile deepens. As does her pride. "I am." Eyes twinkling with playful curiosity, she asks, "you wanna know something else?" Emma nods rapidly, prompting Solana to giggle as she bends down to whisper in Emma's ear. "I'm having two babies."

Another loud gasp and a "really?"

Solana laughs, straightening up, rubbing her belly. "Yup."

It's only when Roman moves his hands to Solana, tugging her back beside him that she realizes Cody and Brandi have started to walk in their direction. Emma turns around and runs toward her parents, tugging on Brandi's shirt. "Mommy! Solana is having a baby! Two babies!"

Roman tenses once more beside her, Solana subtly brushing her arm against him. She knows he wasn't the most comfortable with this whole idea in the first place but especially because there's no way to hide her pregnancy anymore. Not to mention, her black one piece with gray cropped top does absolutely nothing to hide her pronounced baby bump.

But, Solana needed this. She needed to see Brandi and Emma, and while it definitely took a lot of convincing and pleading with her husband, he finally agreed. Reaching out to Cody who, surprisingly, agreed.

Solana wonders if Brandi and/or Emma wanted the same thing, too.

Brandi's gaze falls over to Solana as they step closer, close enough for her to reach over and pull Solana into a hug. Instantly and immediately, Solana feels it. The turmoil still brewing within the other woman. The trauma.

"It's okay," Solana whispers and holds her just a little tighter. "You're safe." The tiniest gasp leaves Brandi's mouth. Emotions she's clearly doing her best to keep at bay. For a variety of reasons but none more than the little girl with blue eyes who stands close to her dad, watching with curiosity the interaction between her mother and Solana.

Brandi clears her throat and backs away. She quickly wipes at her eyes and motions down. "I can't believe…." She trails off, the recognition settling in. "Does that mean you were—"

"Yes," Solana answers prematurely. She already knows the rest of it.

Brandi's expression grows solemn, prompting Solana to motion for her to step to the side with her.

Instantly, Solana feels Roman behind her, inching closer. "Sol—"

She turns around, eyes soft and pleading. "Please."

His jaw, much like his entire body, is tense. But, he meets her eyes, sees and feels the sincerity. The unspoken 'trust me.' And, he sighs, nodding. Approval.

She presses her lips together. Relieved. Thankful.

Solana and Brandi move to the side, Emma going to join them, staying close to her mom. Expected.

But, that leaves the two men alone, mere feet from each other. Both of them watch their wives quietly interact, Roman having to push away his irritation at seeing Brandi place a gentle hand atop Solana's belly.

"You know…." Cody's voice is the last thing Roman wants to hear right now. He's the last person Roman wants to see right now. "What they went through…." Roman turns a vicious glare onto the man he'd prefer to just put a bullet in and leave it at that. "They'll always be linked together."

The same way you and I are.

The unspoken, obvious ending neither man will ever be able to verbalize.

The same way Roman would rather be rotting in a grave somewhere than acknowledge the truth to Cody's statement.

But, he is right.

Solana, Brandi, and even the kid, shared something together. Experienced and survived something traumatic as fuck together. That means, the same way Cody and Roman, who also, in a convoluted manner, have a history cloaked in betrayal and trauma, will always be linked.

That doesn't mean Roman has to like or allow it to go beyond that.

"This is a one time thing." An announcement to Cody. Something he's yet to discuss with Solana. He understood why she wanted to see Brandi and Emma. Didn't like it, but made the arrangements. However, this shit can't happen again. "And, it doesn't change anything between us."

Regardless of the team up of sorts, even Roman learning more about the betrayal that resulted in the murder of his family, the role Rikishi played, it doesn't change what's happened. At the end of the day, there will always be a thick river of blood that separates him from the man across from him. That bleeds out whatever type of friendship that once existed between them.

That shit is dead.

"I have something for you!" Emma's happy voice shouts as she turns around and makes a beeline for the line SUV she's exited with her parents. Brandi turns around only for Cody to lift his hand, running after Emma, neither parent clearly wanting too much distance between themselves and their daughter.

Again, understandable.

With some newfound privacy, Solana takes advantage. "Brandi…." She turns around, expression expectant. "You haven't told him, have you?"

Just like that, her eyes shift. An abundance of something and then nothing. "What sense does it make?" Brandi looks away, discomfort palpable. "He's dead now."

Solana swallows. "Brandi—"

"He's dead, Solana." Her voice takes a dark, empty tone. "It's over."

Solana grows quiet. She sees it. God, she sees it. The pool of hurt and anger and fear and confusion, and every other emotion Brandi is clearly pushing away. Her lack of disclosure of the assault comes at no surprise to Solana. Neither does the other woman's overall disposition toward it. Indifference. An attempt to pretend like everything's okay.

When it's not.

It's very clearly not.

"When….when you're ready, and only then, just know that I'm here," Solana offers, voice just as gentle as her gaze. "I mean it."

Because while Brandi may not see or realize it now, at some point, she will need to talk. Or not even talk. Just be around someone who understands her. Understands her pain. Understands what it does to someone to be violated in the worst way possible. And sadly, Solana knows that all too well. It's a pain she wouldn't wish on anyone and why she's making herself available.

When Brandi is ready and needing support, she'll be there.

No matter what.

Brandi offers no verbal response, just nods and once again wipes at her eyes just as Emma runs back over.

"Merry Christmas!" She stands before Solana, a decorative bag not much bigger than her in her hands as she reaches it to the pregnant woman. "Well, late Christmas."

Solana gasps, a genuine smile on her face. "For me?"

Emma nods happily as Solana accepts the bag, moving to pull out the soft item covered in wrapping paper. A quiet gasp leaves Solana's mouth as she manages to place the card in between her thighs, Brandi catching the bag before it can fall onto the floor. "Oh my goodness…." There's a hint of awe in her voice both at the softness as well as the beautiful baby pink color of the knit blanket. "This is so beautiful!"

Emma's smile brightens as she looks up at her mom. "Mommy and I made it!" She sounds so proud, Solana's heart swelling at seeing her so happy. It's relieving, to say the least. "I hope you like pink."

"I love pink," Solana holds it up and hugs it, looking between mother and daughter. "Thank you." Such a kind, thoughtful gift from an equally kind little girl. Placing the blanket back in the bag, she moves closer to Emma. "I hope one day my little girls can be just as sweet and brave as you, Emma."

Emma's eyes light up once more, as she holds onto Brandi's leg, sharing with all the innocence of a young girl. "You're gonna be a super cool mommy."

This time, Brandi laughs along with Solana, the latter feeling tears brew in her eyes.

"I hope so, sweetie." Truly. "I hope so."

There's an unspoken reminder from the two men. An invisible countdown of sorts that's reached zero. That makes Solana to venture back over to Roman's side, and Brandi and Emma to move closer to Cody.

The conversation is brief, less emotional, largely due to the men before them. The tension between them is substantial. 

But when Emma asks the infamous question as to if/when she’ll see Solana again, the answer provided is something neither Roman—or Cody—seem to like.

“Yes.” It’s said with the most sincere smile. “You will.”

Solana knows she’ll have to figure all that out, and she will. Just not now.

A few more comments, well wishes, and a Happy New Year message are exchanged between the women, and Emma, before Cody quietly instructs them to head back to the cars.

It's only when Brandi and Emma's retreating forms are a good distance away that Cody directs his focus to Solana. "Solana…"

Naturally, Roman shoots his arm across and in front of his wife, sneering, "you don't get to fucking address her."

Cody's jaw twitches, something lingering in the back of his throat but set aside for what he's clearly intentional about saying. "I know my history with your husband must be something you're certainly aware of at this point." She says nothing, just moves her other hand to the small of Roman's back. Fingers gently scraping up and down. A calming, subtle gesture. "That it should come at no surprise to you that it took everything in me to agree to this. That the idea of being this close to the Tribal Chief and not putting a bullet in his head seems like the greatest missed opportunity."

At that, Solana has to actively grab Roman's arm, preventing her husband from lunging forward and carrying out an act she's sure he's dreamed about.

However, Cody remains unmoving. Undeterred. "But, the fact of the matter is that I'd be a hypocrite—"

"—you already fucking are—"

Cody ignores Roman's interjection. "Because I owe him." At that, both husband and wife still, never giving away just where they are to the man across from them, all the while still taken back by the unexpected statement. "And, I owe you."

"Because, my hatred for your husband can't and doesn't outweigh my knowing of the fact that if not for his resources, for his team, my story could have played out very differently." The most subtle yet visible softening of his expression. "I know what you did for my wife. For my daughter." Solana lifts her chin, mindful of her expression, though unable to ignore the emotion brewing. "You saved their lives, protected them, and that's a debt I can never truly repay."

Unexpected. It's such an unexpected thing to leave the mouth of the man who could, arguably, be her husband's biggest enemy.

She can practically feel the hate radiating off his big body.

Off both of them, really.

But, dimmed by that hate, with Cody, at least, is something else. Sincerity. He seems sincere with his words.

"You're wrong," she speaks for the first time. Roman never takes his eyes off Cody, however. "You can repay it, even though I don't see it as a debt or something that needs to be repaid. I saved your wife and protected your daughter, because that's who I am." Similar words said to Domingo. Words that she means with everything in her. Same for the next set that comes out. "But, if you see it as a debt, I'll hold you to that."

"Solana—"

"You want to settle that debt?" Solana moves past Roman's arm, feeling him reach for her hip as she approaches Cody with zero reservation. "I want your word that you will never lay a hand or bring any harm to my family or my husband." At that, there's visible shock from the man before her, and probably from the one behind her. "You hate Roman? That's fine. He hates you just as much, if not more. But, the same way he's not brought any harm to you or yours in years, I expect you to do the same. You stay the hell away from him. Now and until the end of time."

Truth be told, this was the last thing Solana expected to come out of this meeting. Her essentially threatening the leader of the Nightmare Factory. But, the opportunity to take advantage of what the man views as a debt is too great to pass up. If she can secure protection for her husband, for her future children, she'll do it every time.

His voice remains even. "That sounds a lot like a threat.”

"Your perception of my words is of no consequence to me." She shakes her head, nose turned up almost. "You can view it however you want. Just know that I have the Bloodline, the Cosa Nostra, and the Cartel behind me." Power. She has power. "And you know what I did to protect your family." Solana inches forward, head tilted, voice dangerously calm as she ominously asks, "so, what do you think I'd do to protect mine?"

Never ever would Solana do anything to directly hurt Brandi or Emma. Truth be told, she doesn't even want to see anything necessarily happen to Cody. But, she's not naive, either. She knows how this works. Knows that it's everyone for themselves, so she has to do what she has to do for hers.

Solana remains planted directly in front of him, gaze unwavering. Unbothered but aware of the fact that Roman stays close behind her, waiting and ready to move, if necessary.

Cody maintains her gaze, eventually nodding. "Alright." She remains still. "You have my word, Solana Reigns." Still unmoving. Waiting for it. "No harm will come to you or yours from me or mine."

Confirmation. Solana's response is simple. The bare minimum. "I plan to hold you to that."

And, she will.

Cody offers only a nod as he slowly steps back, a last glance toward Roman before turning to walk away.

Roman doesn’t look away. Not until the SUV's begin to drive off, one by one. It’s then she places her hand on his arm, as he takes a deep breath. “That was bold.”

“It was.” She won’t deny it. Won’t disagree whatsoever. “But, necessary.”

His jaw twitches, as he looks down. “Solana—”

“No one is ever going to come after our family again, Roman,” she vows. She means it with everything in her, too. “And, if they’re stupid enough to try….we’ll give them hell.”

Because, if there’s one thing this whole experience has taught and shown her, it’s that she’s not alone. 

They’re not alone.

And, they never will be again.

Solana takes his hand in hers, squeezing gently. “Let’s go home, baby.”

—--------

“Aye, the players have gotten too soft, I swear.” Santos sneers with all of the disgust, watching the game playing on the flat screen TV.

Dwayne lifts up his beer, shaking his head. “Tell me about it. Lil pussies can’t take a fucking hit anymore.”

“That’s cause they don’t let those boys play anymore,” Steve snorts, finishing his second—or third—beer of the night. “Everything’s a fucking penalty.”

“I’ve never understood the appeal of American football,” Matteo admits, also sipping his beer. 

“And, I’ve never understood the appeal of most male dominated sports,” Afia chimes, walking past and leaning over behind the sofa to kiss her husband on the cheek. “Though some do look mighty fine doing so.”

Matteo sits up. “Hey.” Afia’s laughter is heard as she walks down the hall, heading to the kitchen but not before motioning for Solana to follow her. 

Solana, situated on Roman’s lap, looks down at her husband. “Baby—”

“What the fuck was that?” Roman shouts at the TV, his expression of frustration chorused with the other men seated around their living room. “Are you fucking shitting me? How was that not holding?”

Solana giggles, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” he responds, gaze focused more on the TV than anything. She yelps when he slaps her ass as she adjusts her dress before walking off. 

In the kitchen, Solana finds the majority of the women lounging in her kitchen, some sitting at the island, some preparing their second plate of food, some just casually chatting. 

It’s an expected group, as the rest of the party attendees, primarily the older folks including her abuela, Bayley’s parents, and her grandma in a separate part of the house, watching the kids. Mostly, Afia and Matteo’s boys, as well as Melina and Santos son. 

Sana preferred to stay with the women, where she currently sits atop Bayley’s lap.

She’s taken a strong liking to her, ever since their time spent in Isla Mujeres.

“It’s amazing how football seems to be the universal language of men.” Melina says with a sigh, gesturing to where the group have been glued to the TV since the game started a half hour ago. “Any other time, they’d be trying to kill each other.”

Bayley makes a sound from where she sits on the bar stool, Sana on her lap, headphones on, attention on the tablet in her hand. She’s in her own little world. “Give it time.”

Ava makes a sound of agreement. “Especially with Big Ears over there.”

“Hey.” Solana remains standing, hand rubbing her belly. “Be nice.”

“What?” Ava scowls, rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry, Solana, but you gotta admit those ears are big as hell. He looks like—what’s that Dwarf with the big ears?”

Mickie snorts, sipping on her wine. “The ears ain’t the only thing that’s big.”

Cam’s mouth drops. “Mickie, you gotta stop that.”

“I’m gonna be sick,” Ava grimaces, walking over to grab the bottle of wine to refill her cup. 

“What? Did I lie?” Seeing the partially confused, partially intrigued expression on Stephanie’s face, Mickie leans over to whisper in her ear. 

When she pulls back, Stephanie’s mouth drops a bit, asking in her deep accent, “that big?”

Rhea looks like she’s about to vomit. “Disgusting!”

Solana covers her face, but spread fingers allowing her to see the smirk on Stephanie's face as she comments before sipping her beer. “I see why you’re pregnant.”

“You guys, stop it. That’s her husband,” Afia steps in, shaking her head before a smirk falls on her face. “Must run in the family.”

“Stop!” Solana shouts, eyes wide as laughter breaks out among the group, herself included as she shakes her head. “You guys are terrible.”

“Naw.” Mickie shakes her head, laughter settling into a small smile. “We’re family.” 

It’s an announcement that brings a comfortable silence over the spacious kitchen and women currently occupying the space. 

To say Solana was nervous about revealing her “dead but not dead” plot to some of the women around her would be an understatement. While recognizing the necessity of it for a myriad of reasons, it was still a difficult thing to do at the time and even more difficult to reveal as a non-truth.

Solana knew her friends would be mourning her death, mourning the tragic loss of her “life,” having to spend over a month in this headspace in believing her to no longer be among the living. 

So, sharing the truth, explaining the real story, was something she was not only nervous about but not looking forward to. She hated doing that to them. Necessary or not. 

But, a few days after being home, spending time with just her husband, Solana knew the longer she waited, the harder it would be. Her friends deserved the truth, and it’s a truth she delivered to them.

There were a lot of emotions. A lot of anger and confusion. Rightfully so. And, Solana accepted and handled it all, because again, it was deserved. 

But, it was after that dust settled, a new, strong emotion was present. 

Relief. 

They were relieved to know she was alive and even expressed understanding why Solana had to fake her murder. Recognized it was to protect her and her unborn children. 

And ultimately, they were just happy to have their friend back. 

To have their family. 

And, that’s why, on the last day of the year, at this New Years Eve party she planned and organized in only a couple of days, Solana will bring in the New Year surrounded by her loved ones. 

Her family.

“Enough of the sex talk.” Ava takes the lead to divert the conversation to something else, as she looks over at Solana. “Have you and Dumbo decided on names for the girls?”

Sounds of agreement and similar questions hit the ears of a smirking Solana. “Maybe.”

Melina scoffs, playfully shoving her, as she’s the closest. “Well?”

Shrugging, Solana answers truthfully. “We’re keeping their names a secret until they get here.” As expected, groans and grumbles, prompting her to clarify. “There’s….there’s a story there that makes how we picked them personal, so we just want to keep it between us….for now.” 

An agreed upon thing between the two of them, not to mention Roman and Solana having zero desire to explain that they’d both had dreams or visions of the girls before they even came to be. That’s such a special, intimate thing that both would like to keep between them.

Including the girls' names.

As she said, for now.

“I get that,” Afia offers an olive branch. “Plus, really, it’s no one’s business except you and him.”

“True,” Mickie makes a face. “But, we’re also nosy.” 

“Not your uterus,” Rhea chimes, lifting her drink. “Not your business.”

Solana smiles. Though Rhea, and even Stephanie, are new additions to the group, they blend seamlessly. And, to Rhea, Solana owes so much. She was a part of the team that helped rescue her. She didn’t have to. She didn’t even know Solana, but she did, and for that, Solana is immensely grateful.

Stephanie nods, looking over at the other woman. “I like her.” 

Bayley chuckles. “Of course, you do.” She looks down at Sana who continues to play on her tablet, comfortable and oblivious. “But, they are right. You can tell us when you’re ready, prima. Or, ya know, at the baby shower.”

At that, Solana frowns a bit. “Baby shower?”

Afia looks over at her sister-in-law. “You didn’t think we weren’t going to throw you a baby shower for your first pregnancy, did you?”

Solana opens her mouth only to close it before admitting. “I guess….I didn’t think about it.” She truly hadn’t. With everything that’s happened the past few months, it never even occurred to her that that is also something that should happen. “But, you guys really don’t have to—”

“Too late,” Melina speaks up, sharing. “We already put down the deposit on the venue this past Monday.” 

Solana continues to be taken back. “That quickly?” Part of her surprise is also at the fact that despite only knowing about her still being alive for a matter of days, the group has fallen right back into their sense of normalcy. 

It’s appreciated. 

More than they could ever know.

“But, don’t bring Roman,” Ava adds, nose turned up in disgust. “Leave his ass here.” 

Rhea looks confused. “Isn’t he the father?”

Stephanie also speaks up, just as confused. “And her husband?”

Ava, however, shrugs. “And?” She quickly provides what Solana can consider to be a valid point. “He hates people and social interactions anyway.”

They’re not entirely wrong, and Solana had only briefly discussed a baby shower with her husband, but that was before. Before…..everything.

She’s not too sure where he would stand on it now, though a part of her wonders if it being planned for them (her) would change anything. 

“He agreed to this.” Cam offers another valid point. 

“Yeah, because she probably promised to sit on his face once we all leave.”

“Mickie!”

Melina pinches the bridge of her nose. “I swear to God, they should have never taken you off that damn Lithium.” 

Solana shakes her head right as another subject change commences. “You girls are all way too focused on the wrong things.” Afia once again looks over at her sister-in-law. “Are we just not going to discuss that gorgeous ring on her finger?”

Solana is blushing once more, looking at her….engagement ring? Wedding ring? She’s not sure just what to call it considering she’s already legally married. She just knows that Afia is 100% correct.

It’s gorgeous.

“Do you have any idea how rare and expensive pink diamonds are?” Bayley asks, her question more rhetorical than anything. “That man may hate everyone else, but he certainly loves you.”

Admiring her ring, Solana is immediately taken back to the most unexpected, yet beautiful night of her life. Roman proposing to her. Giving her something she never got to experience. Giving her a choice.

Though that last part feels a bit unnecessary.

In any circumstance, in any life, in any universe, she’ll always choose him. 

Every single time. 

“Clearly,” Rhea chuckles and asks. “Have you two picked a date?”

At that, Solana’s smile deepens. “Valentine’s Day.” 

It’s actually a date, surprisingly enough, he suggested. Roman shared that he’d discussed with Ava and Fetu, before the latter’s passing, proposing to her on Christmas and them having another wedding on Valentine’s Day. The dates primarily being Fetu’s suggestion.

He told her Fetu thought it would be romantic and a way for them both to experience some of the holidays after spending years not doing so.

Solana couldn’t agree more.

Melina’s smile deepens. “Really?” 

Solana nods. “And you’re all invited.” It should be obvious, but in the event it isn’t, she wants to make it clear. “It will be in Isla Mujeres though, so just clear your schedules.”

Because Solana can’t imagine a better place to once again commit herself to her better half than in the place where so many memories have been made. 

And, there’s so many more to come.

—-------

"Wait," Mickie takes another quick gulp of her drink, before looking around the room. "Am I really the only one who's done the math?"

Nearing closer to midnight, the group has all transitioned back to the living room, everyone coupled up, with the exception of the non-couples. The older folks remaining in the separate room, some of the kids laid to bed in some of the guest rooms.

That last part was definitely a hard sell for Solana when she first brought up the idea of a New Year’s Eve party to her husband. The fact that some folks might end up spending the night, due to how late it would be. 

He was….less than pleased.

Melina rolls her eyes from where she sits on Santos lap. "What math, Mickie?"

Solana is partially confused on just how they got on the topic of her pregnancy once more, but she’s at least willing to see where it goes.

Even if something tells her it won’t be….the best. 

Mickie downs the rest of her drink, stumbling over to stand in the middle of the living room. She’s definitely one of the ones who will be sleeping off her hangover shortly after the clock strikes midnight. "Our collective goddaughters are due sometime in May, correct?" A few head nods from the group. "That means they were conceived sometime in August, and guess where we—" She motions to herself, Cam, Melina, and Solana. "—were in August?" 

It’s an answer most know, and for those who don’t, Solana doesn’t really care either way. Because everyone sitting around her has proven their loyalty and ability to be trustworthy. A bittersweet thing, because the absence of Jimmy and Naomi is noticeable. And, she hates it. 

Hates that they’re not there.

Hates where they are right now. 

She can only pray this time next year, things will be different.

Hopefully.

“Wait a minute.” Afia sits up, looking over at Solana. “Did you….” She trails off, clearly not wanting to necessarily give away the specifics given the presence of the latest additions.

If only Dwayne felt the same.

“Yeah, they were fucking while she was away at treatment.”

“Dawyne.” Roman shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Guys.” Solana’s eyes widen in horror. She’s certain her cheeks must be flushed red. 

“A lot, too,” Mickie adds, making a face. “We could hear them.”

“Can we please change the subject?” Solana begs, hand over her face. 

“Or, ya’ll can all just get the hell out of my house.” Roman suggests. He sounds dead serious, too. She sighs loudly. Of course. “That’s an option, too.”

“I mean, sex is a natural thing,” Rhea shrugs, sitting on the loveseat with Stephanie. “Fucking is fun.”

Steve, however, starts coughing a bit. “Christ, Rhea.” He shakes his head, waving his hand. “Have some fuckin’ decency for your old man, kid.”

Hearing such differing accents, Stephanie sits forward, motioning between the two. “How are you two—”

“It’s a long story,” Rhea dismisses. “I’ll tell you some other time.”

Solana would also love to learn that backstory. 

As the clock ticks on, nearing closer and closer, the groups unite, largely due to the true party nature the event takes on. A specifically curated playlist blasting a collective genre of tunes. R&B. Pop. Dance. Spanish. A perfect mixture, boasting some of the best songs, perfect and most fitting for the occasion. 

Happily, the gang mingles and dances, with the exception of a few folks, Roman and Matteo included. 

Though, Solana finds her heart swelling seeing those two interact. She’d briefly spoken with Afia about what she knew of their mother’s unexpected return, and it seemed Matteo was just as tight lipped as his brother.

It’s something, however, the women are not going to let go. They’ll be there for their husbands in any way they need and face whatever their mother re-entering their lives brings about. 

Together.

Solana’s smile is stapled as she dances playfully, sometimes sultry. The latter often earns her being pulled into her husband as he so eloquently reminds her just how she got pregnant in the first place.

But, when the music shifts to one of her favorite Celine Dion tunes, That’s The Way It Is, Solana becomes more aware of the time. It’s only a couple minutes until midnight, and for what feels like the twentieth time tonight, that familiar pressure on her bladder is begging to be tended to.

Solana breaks away, shuffling past her husband, heels long gone at that point. “I have to use the bathroom.”

He frowns. “Again?”

She rolls her eyes. “Not my fault that your daughters are sitting on my bladder.”

He says nothing, just moves his hand to her stomach. Her grin is small. It seems that’s become his favorite hand placement these days.

She leans up and kisses his cheek. “Be right back.”

Solana makes her way to one of the bathrooms on the first floor. 

There's something insanely relieving about removing that weight off her bladder, even if she knows it's bound to return within the hour, maybe two, if she's lucky. Regardless, it grants her some semblance of relief, and she'll take it all.

Solana flushes the toilet and moves over to the sink, squeezing out the strawberry shortcake scented hand soap into her palm. Hitting the knob with her wrist, she garners just enough water to build up a good lather. Washing her hands while humming along to the music that makes it through even the thick door, she turns off the water and reaches for the hand towel on the bar to the right of her.

Briefly, Solana's gaze falls onto herself in the mirror, and she freezes.

Time stands still, it seems, as she takes in her reflection.

Really looks at herself. Seeing herself for the first time in a long time. If ever.

Seeing not scars and flaws or the reflection of someone broken, damaged, unworthy of love and adoration.

She doesn't see that same 10 year-old girl who woke up one morning with hopes and plans for a brand new, brighter future only to wake up in a hospital and find not only was that future forever gone, but the one person who meant the most to her at the time was also gone.

She doesn't see the 12 year-old girl who wasn't even old enough to have had the talk about what sex is but had already been violated in the most unholy of ways, her innocence ripped away from her by pure evil.

She doesn't see the 16 year-old girl who'd grown too exhausted, felt far too heavy to continue to go on, to continue to live. Who'd ultimately made the decision to try to end her own life.

She doesn't see the 28 year-old thrust into an impossible situation, believing her only options were either kill or be killed, the latter of which, seeming more of a relief than anything.

She doesn't even see the 29 year-old woman who just months ago regressed so deeply that she'd once again tried to kill herself, because she felt the damage was too heavy, and life for everyone around her would be easier if she no longer existed.

She doesn't see any of that.

She doesn't feel any of that.

Solana sees a woman. A beautiful, strong, courageous woman who still has her struggles, will always have to battle her vices, but whose good far outweighs the bad. She sees a woman in love with a man who means more to her than words can describe. She sees a wife, a sister, a friend, a cousin.

A mother.

For the first time, Solana sees her.

When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt.

The woman her mother always said she would become.

Don't give up on your faith

Tears build in her eyes as she lifts one hand to her clavicle, ghosting her fingertips over the inked tattoo representing her better half. Her person. Her soulmate.

Love comes to those who believe it

Her other hand settles on her belly, the safe space where her girls grow stronger and bigger with each day that passes, preparing for their grand arrival into the world.

Her eyes shut.

"I did it, mommy," she murmurs, lifting her watery gaze to the ceiling with an emotional smile. "I got my happy ending."

And that's the way it is.

The sound of voices rising from where the bulk of the guests remain remind Solana of the countdown. Sniffling and shaking her head, her smile remains as she goes to open the door, hitting the light switch as she walks out.

A tiny gasp leaves her mouth, a brief pang of tension rising when she's grabbed, only for it to settle at the familiar set of hands grasping and gently spinning her so that she's backed against the wall.

Solana's smile widens as she looks up at her husband. "Hi."

Roman chuckles, as he stands before her, one hand going to cup her cheek, the other on her hip. "Hi."

"Ten!"

"Did I take too long?"

"Nine!"

He makes a sound, gaze softening. "You know I'd wait for you forever."

"Eight!"

Her smile deepens as she reaches up, wrapping her arms around him, her baby bump pressed against his stomach. "Good thing you don't have to."

"Seven!"

His eyes briefly dip to her belly. "Everything good?"

"Six!"

"No," she answers, softly. Naturally, his expression shifts to something close to concern. "It's perfect."

"Five!"

Roman's smile is small but oh-so-telling. He starts to dip his head towards hers when movement between them, felt by both, makes him pause. Naturally, Solana giggles, the two of them looking down.

"Four!"

"I'm telling you, it's Lina." His hand moves to her belly, feeling around to where one of their girls just kicked. She knows it's only one, because she's felt when it's both of them. Big difference. "She's gonna be active just like her daddy."

"Three."

At that, his smile deepens just a bit, his eyes flitting up to hers. "I love you."

"Two."

It doesn't seem to matter just how many times he says it. How many times she hears it. It never gets old.

Solana reaches behind his neck, lowering him so that their lips are only inches apart, his icy breath cool against her face.

"One!"

"I love you, too."

"Happy New Year!"

Fanfare and celebration from down the hall as the husband and wife celebrate privately, lips dancing in that sensual song of promise and oath. A declaration of love, now and forever.

Voy a reír

Voy a bailar

Vivir mi vida

Solana gasps and smiles against his mouth, hearing the familiar lyrics of another of her favorite tunes. "I love this song."

"Baby, you say that about every song."

Solana, rightfully, ignores him, stepping back and taking him by the hand. "Come on."

In true Roman nature, he protests. "I think I like it over here."

Again, he is ignored as she drags him back into the living room where the rest of the attendees celebrate. Old with young. Young with old. The children havinh awoken to bring in the new year with their parents and relatives.

Her abuela pulls her into a hug. Maternal and warm. Kissing her on the cheek and feeling on her stomach. 

Several hugs and various forms of acknowledgement. The affection and joy permeating the space, Solana filled with so much love and appreciation.

Happiness.

She feels happy.

Her smile remains stamped on her face as she moves back over to Roman who leans against the wall, watching her the entire time. Humming to the music, she moves her arms up his chest, swaying against him. 

Roman looks down at her, sensing her joy. “What is he saying?”

She smiles. He’s referring to the lyrics. 

Voy a reír

“I’m gonna laugh,” she translates. 

Voy a gozar, Vivir mi vida

Truer joy, peace, and gratitude have never existed nor been felt than in this moment. Unbreakable and unshakable peace as she shares what she feels and doesn’t plan to deter from ever again. 

Ever.

“I’m going to enjoy living my life.”

-------------

authors note: i sincerely and legitimately can't believe we've reached the end of book 1. i won't bore you all with my rambling. just wanna say thank you immensely to every single person who's read, liked, commented, and/or reblogged this story. it's been such a ride, and i'm so thankful for all the support and everyone who stuck it out with me to get to this point. 🥺

the proposal scene was never included in the original outline, but i've just been so thankful and grateful for all the support you all have shown my little story that i wanted to say thank you. also can't wait for ya'll to see her wedding dress that i've deadass had picked out for months lmao

possibly considering a oneshot/to show their love scene upon solana returning home, as it just didn't make the cut for this already long ass final chapter.

lastly, if you haven't heard already, there will be a sequel, book 2. first chapter should be out in a couple of weeks.

muchas gracias, amigas. ❤️

[v1rtualsalvat10n]

𓆩♡𓆪 for the first time

― luigi thinks of you in his cell. that's it that's the fic.

notes :: thank you for all the support to show my appreciation i would like to throw a rusty screwdriver into your hearts i love u guys!!

The thing they don't tell you about prison is that it's really cold.

No, seriously. It's really fucking cold, even here in NYC where it's already cold to begin with - it's like you're in the back of a deep freezer in a shitty jumpsuit, because you kind of are. It's cold enough that I have to curl up into a ball on my "bed", knees to my chest in order to try and stay warm.

And because I have nothing to do, I find myself staring at the white, emotionless wall, and doing that sort of thing is kind of a surefire way to get your mind to wander. One of the tried and true methods, if you will.

It's lonely here. Sure, the inmates like me, they're nice, but I mean... I'm not really in the mood to socialize with anyone. This whole ordeal has sucked the energy out of me. I've been being thrown around the country for days, ever since they found me.

I don't even want to think about what's happening outside of this place, either. I'm sure people have lots of thoughts and things to say about what I did.

I wonder if she saw it.

The news, I mean. Of course she saw it, who didn't? I bet her and all my old classmates and friends are probably talking about it, about me, what I'd done - right now. Trying to pick apart my motive, maybe grieving about the life I'd thrown away. Guess I had a lot ahead of me.

Can't help but wonder what she's thinking. I wonder if she's disappointed in me. Or maybe proud. Why am I thinking so much about what she thinks of me? It was one fling, from ages ago, I can't even remember when... at one of countless parties, and yet I still see how she looked underneath me so clearly.

It wasn't really just a fling. I talked to her about it - about how the system was falling apart (if it was ever together to begin with) and I felt the need to put all this privilege I'd been granted to good use. How I felt like I had to do something. She told me about herself, too, how she'd been fucked over time and time again and how she knew countless others who felt the same way.

Actually, yeah, we spent a lot of time together, thinking back on it. She'd come over on those cold winter nights I remember so fondly and we'd keep warm together, whatever way we could find. She was kind of... below me, I guess. Lower class. Not that I cared that much, though. Didn't make her any less of a lover.

And then I went radio silent. Then I figured out exactly what that thing I had to do was, and I put all my effort towards it. I didn't have time for love anymore. I had to take the chance I'd been given and fix things.

So I started leaving her on seen, stopped answering my door, even when she'd yell that she knew I was there, stopped showing up at the places I'd loved before, I stopped everything. Dropped off the map and left nothing but a ghost in my place.

She probably hates me.

I'd like to think that maybe this brings her solace... that maybe the idea that "it wasn't because you did something wrong" made her feel better, but I doubt it does.

When I get out of here, if I even do, she'll probably have forgotten all about me, because everybody forgets. I'll be old news by the time that day comes, and everything we did, everything we wanted to do - would just be a hazy memory.

I still remember seeing her for the first time. I remember the way her eyes pierced through my soul, and I remember how it made me feel inside.

I wonder if she remembers that too.

[kaycode1999]

So this scene has been stuck in my brain for days

Besides the obvious, Orion is a kind hearted bot and you can tell it tugs at his heart strings for him to realize how lonely Bee has been and how badly he wants friends and that’s why he instantly welcomes Bee into their friendship group

However, I think Orion was more welcoming to Bee than you’d probably expect because he saw himself in Bee and found a kinship with him

Bee says “ I kept getting reassigned because I’m so good at what I do”. But he says it in a sarcastic tone that you can tell he doesn’t feel good about himself because of it.

And he also can’t help his curiosity despite how many times he’s been reassigned as he sneaks out to the waste management area. Given how skilled he was getting them on the train he’s definitely either snuck up there before or he got so used to sneaking around at his other jobs he’s just that savvy. Similarly, Bee seems to have a lot more knowledge than he should of things that happened before the Primes were killed, I.E. him talking about the Cybertronian high guard and knowing several of the bots by name, so I have to believe he also snuck into the archives before getting thrown down to sub level 50 and read into a good amount of stuff that was most likely off limits. Not to mention the events of the movie are based around both them doing things they’re not supposed to if you think about it; Orion entered he and D-16 into the Iacon 5000 and pissed Darkwing off thus getting the two of them thrown down into sub level 50, and Bee built little friends out of the trash he was supposed to be watching burn and/or repurposing and one of those friends ended up containing the message from Alpha Trion

Orion has a pension for not following protocol; I.E sneaking into the archives, competing in the Iacon 5000, his unwillingness to give up trying to find the matrix of leadership, etc. he even states that everyone knows he wasn’t the most focused miner. Which he feels ashamed of and blames himself for in the scene where Elita gives him a pep talk. As much as he cared about D-16 and their friendship I have a nagging suspicion he also felt alone and misunderstood, after all everyone around him even his best friend believes in Sentinel so much and almost all of them seem to be avid rule followers that don’t struggle the way he does or at least in the same way. D-16 didn’t even agree that looking through the data in the archives was worth it. They both also don’t have a problem standing up to bots who are bigger and in a more powerful position than them; Orion to Darkwing after he demoted Elita and Bee to Sentinel saying “ None of that is true” despite being handcuffed and at Sentinel’s mercy

So he sees this small, wide eyed, yappy bot who’s been left behind in isolation because he was deemed a screw up and didn’t maintain the status quo enough and he sees himself if he didn’t have D-16 and even Elita and the other friends he had with his fellow miners. He sees himself if he hadn’t had people to help him/cover for him or just flat out take the fall for him even when he tries to take the blame. Like when Elita got demoted because of Orion not following protocol *I don’t understand why she was because it’s not like she could have helped the mine collapsing and whether they helped Jazz or not probably wouldn’t have affected the bots in charge in any way but I digress*

He sees Bee as a less lucky version of himself, one that didn’t have the friends and support system he had, and I think he decided right then he would make sure from that point Bee would have someone looking out for him

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

How murderous is Karkat and Eridan?

Eridan: "killin is all i evver done practically the ocean wwas my killing cauldron"

Karkat: loves his friends so much that it hurts

They're both really blasé about killing things like imps or game enemies, and neither of them WANT to hurt their friends. Eridan's just more used to it because it was his whole job, and he's a lot better at fighting than Karkat is.

Vriska at one point says to John that her bodycount is probably "many thousands," so we can probably use that as a reference and assume Eridan's in that same bracket, because he and Vriska have a lot of parallels. In fact, I'd go so far as to call Vriska and Eridan a literary device called "parallel characters" - by listening to Vriska tell John about her feelings about her bodycount and of her place in society, we get to learn about how Eridan's feeling, too.

If we set the bar at 3000 (the low end of "many thousands") and Vriska and Eridan are both the equivalent of 13 years old, or a little less than 700 weeks, that meant he and Vriska were averaging out to multiple kills a week (and given they probably didn't start when they were newhatches and 3000 is a low estimate, like... it was probably an insane number like 5-7 kills/week). But never anyone they "cared about," in Vriska's words, until the Team Charge debacle, or Eridan went berserk on Feferi and Sollux (we should also keep in mind that Eridan outright says to Kanaya that he doesn't want to kill people he considers his friends).

But Eridan is significantly less emotionally intelligent than Vriska (a fucking feat), has less of a support system, and has a lot of Duty and Responsibility and Fate of the Species on his shoulders, so he copes a lot worse (again, a fucking feat). For Eridan, it's less about "being murderous," and more about "society demands that I be murderous" + "if I am not murderous, everybody dies" + "when I grow up, murder is my only viable career path".

He's ANXIOUS AS FUCK at his core. Via their parallel character status, we know from Vriska that they're both actually really nervous about growing up and taking their place in a society that demands bloodshed from them. When Eridan obsesses over genocide, it's a byproduct of Literally Being The Guy That Is Preventing Genocide (to the point of not really having other hobbies). We also know that he feels guilt towards his victims (or at least more than Feferi), which we know from Vriska is societally unacceptible. And if it's unacceptible for her to feel bad, then imagine how much less okay it is for the sea dweller.

So I wouldn't necessarily call Eridan murderous - like with most things regarding Eridan, it's more complicated than that - but I would call him "on a hair trigger", "conditioned to reach towards murder as an early solution," and "obsessively/anxiously trying to live up to how murderous society demands he be," all while not at all wanting to kill people he cares about. I think it's really important to note that, even though the higher the blood the more volatile the troll, and despite being unauspiced and unmoirailled, and without relying on sopor, Eridan did not start shooting to kill until Sollux and Feferi escalated the situation.

And before anyone mentions that Feferi's in the same boat, she spends practically the whole time with Sollux, who is foreshadowed to be her moirail.

Like, the tragedy of Eridan's character is that he's lonely and terrified, but does such a good job at putting up an obnoxious front that even a lot of the audience became convinced that he basically sucked and his problems didn't matter. His dumbass plan to go to Jack was a genuine attempt to save Feferi, the person he cared most about.

If you go back and look at that conversation, Eridan's casual casteist threats aren't genuine (see my pinned Eridan essay for details) - and SOLLUX is the one who says "I should have killed you when I had the chance". And Eridan DOESN'T KILL SOLLUX, because this whole time, Eridan has not wanted to kill his friends. It's not until Feferi - the person he cares most about, the one whom he concocted that suicidal mission in order to save - turns on him in agreement that Sollux should've killed him - that makes Eridan finally lose it.

Meanwhile, Karkat just loves his friends. He loves them so fucking much. I think this is pretty well-documented about him? He's got no qualms about murdering game constructs like imps and the black king, but he feels deeply fucking hurt and betrayed by Bec Noir since he bonded with Jack/Spades Slick. I don't think Karkat ever makes a genuine death threat against anybody but past!Eridan, but he and Eridan are heavily foreshadowed to be moirails, and that conversation has a hilarious bit in the middle where Karkat seemingly forgets that he's mad at the guy and just starts telling him he's a dumbass. Later on, he expresses missing his dead friends, including/especially the assholes, in the same segment as the meteor runs into dead Feferi and Eridan, so I think that that was more an angry outburst than a genuine desire to see Eridan dead.

In fact, even though he's basically shown nothing but scorn for Gamzee and Gamzee's religious beliefs and clown-ness, and even after Gamzee murders two people and seems to be trying to murder them all, Karkat can't bring himself to kill or even fight the guy, just shooshpap him down, later ranting that Gamzee was a lovable bullshit clown that he liked a lot, and (one of) his best friend(s).

So they're both in this boat of not wanting to kill their friends, but feeling societally pressured into grandstanding that they're TOTALLY murderous assholes just trust me - but Eridan was in a position where he was forced to do it at the detriment of any other hobbies, or else everybody died, and is also one of the best fighters on the team, if not THE best. Thus, the fact that it's a viable option is not only near the forefront of his mind at all times, but he has the skills to resort to it. I guess technically, that does make him more murderous, but it's also, like... any normal person in his situation would wind up the same way, honestly.

[valentine-cafe]

[ i sent the request earlier not knowing about the pre-order system. other than being a first time customer, it's also my first time requesting on Tumblr… like, ever. my apologies for not being careful, i should have looked a little better at the guide. ^^; i'm re-sending my request (to my best recollection of it + some revisions) hopefully appropriately this time, if it's alright. i hope you will still consider - but i understand if not. thank you regardless. 🙇‍♂️ ]

may i have an affogato please?

[ amab reader ]

i can't even begin to explain how much Vespasiano has a hold on my thoughts upon reading about him, but i was intrigued to see in one of the receipts that he's still getting used to being with a man. and it had me wondering: what's it like in his mind, falling in love with a man for the first time? is it something he has known before but never indulged? or is it something he never considered until now?

can be fluffy and light-hearted, or slow burn and/or excessive yearning. might also throw in an inner conflict about his past experience of being scorned by love? however either of you feel best to explore the idea.

this is also optional, but i think it would be interesting as well if the apple of his eye was a fellow military man - if it's in character.

if it's too big of an ask or anything, feel free to ignore.

thank you! :'>

🍒 𓂃 𝑶𝑹𝑫𝑬𝑹 𝑼𝑷 : affogato !! . . . vampire ⊹ male reader .

. ᘛ 𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔​​​​​​​﹕verse 781 ꮽ  vespasiano agresta caliari

 𐔌𖹭 ˖ ࣪  who's that ?⠀﹕a charismatic, vampiric lieutenant. with years of experience turning his hair grey and a sharp eye

ּ  ֗ recepit ℘ ... vespasiano falling in love with another man at the military ⊹ cw ٬٬ vesp going through denial . first times falling in love with the same sex . confused vespasiano . just soft :,))

You've known Vespasiano since he joined the military. As such, you've seen his whole story with that . . . hag. From the moment you discovered he was on and off with her — from the moment she tried to hit on you during an event, you knew he was setting himself up for failure. And then he went along and married her? You could only grieve for the kind man you've come to know as friend. You saw it all, the breaks, the divorce, the fights over the phone when he's around base and seconds from deployment. Everyone in your squadron were well aware of Vespasiano and his marriage issues. Even long after his kids had grown into adulthood, Ilaria seemed to be a constant in his life. No matter how much he tried to push her away.

But then, something funny happened. In all of Vespasiano's hurt and his final attempt to stay away from her . . . he - started seeing you in a new light. One that frightened him. Suddenly your support, comfort and kindness hit him deeper than it did before.

He denied it at first. For all his life he's known himself as straight. Even when he was on off periods with Ilaria, he distracted himself with other woman but this. This was different. Maybe he was just lonely, maybe he was just hurt. There's no way he was falling in love with a man.

Not that there's anything wrong with it in his eyes. His brother's gay and he's raised a bisexual son. His favourite nephew has a boyfriend too. It's not that it's just — shouldn't he have figured this out by now? He's in his sixties for crying out loud, isn't it too late for this self discovery?

He feels nothing but shame when your little hug meant more to him than just solidarity. When you making sure he ate before deployments flustered him. The time he helped you out with weapon positioning and he was so, so close to you. The urge he had to hold you. Was that wrong? It felt wrong.

You saw how distant he'd become and offered him to grab a bite to eat. The flush of his face embarrassed him ten times and over. Was that a date? No! You'd done this before. It's just you being a good co-worker. He's your Lieutenant for crying out loud.

But why was he wanting to hold your hand beneath the table? Why couldn't he stop looking at you? Every time you laughed his heart fluttered and for once he hadn't touched his food. You grew even more concerned.

"Is it Ilaria again?" No, it hasn't been Ilaria for awhile now. In fact he hasn't thought about her in who knows how long. But how does he tell you this? How does he even come out with it?

He speaks to his brother, Pietro. Who looked over with his husband, both wide eyed. They explained what was happening and he vehemently denied . . . Pietro only smiled and sighed. "You'll come to the acceptance eventually."

Maybe he'd just die with this feeling and these thoughts. He couldn't do it, not with the conflict and shame he felt.

What he was so blissfully unaware of is the fact the rest of your squadron had already pieced the puzzle together — and are now more than determined on OPERATION: Lieutenant Happiness.

꒰ ۪ ˖ ࣪ 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑢 ... info ꮽ mlist ꮽ verse ꮽ wiki .

[unhetalia]

Alpha Matthew and Omega Alfred (Part 1)

I got an ask thay asked to explain how their dynamic would work and I wanted to take my time answering!

I think (as usual) these two would have issues, and it would be similar to the usual issues they have outside of omegaverse:

Part 1.1 —

Before their scents developed, everyone would have expected Al to be an alpha and Matt to be a beta or an omega. Arthur paid more attention to Alfred, and Matthew told himself that it made sense - Arthur was an alpha too, and had more to teach Alfred.

When their scents finally developed, and Matthew was confirmed to be an alpha, Arthur still paid more attention to Alfred. Francis, trying to comfort him, said that as an omega, Al just needed more attention.

Basically, whether or not he was an alpha or omega didn't matter, Matthew realised. He would always be loved less than Alfred.

(Alfred was always lonely, but became even more-so as an omega. Arthur's government understood the need to mentor an alpha, but when he presented, they no longer gave Arthur the time - after all, what would he need to see an omega ward for? All of a sudden, Arthur wasn't around as much.

But Arthur made sure Alfred NEVER knew it was because he was an omega.

Unfortunately, it meant Alfred thought Arthur cared him about him less.)

Part 1.2 —

Alfred never knew the difference between him being an alpha vs. him being an omega. It took Alfred a long time to understand people's reasons for doing what they do - he couldn't tell why someone would treat him well or treat him poorly - all he knew was that people should treat each other well, and he felt he should do something when that isn't the case.

Alfred participated in his revolution and got his freedom - like an alpha - because no one ever told him he couldn't.

Then he got to walk away from his own government, and the newly formed American government who was trying to prove themselves let him, because it would be better if the omega representation of their land was out of sight, not reminding people that America was meant to be controlled.

Matthew didn't get that. He is the face of Canada because he's an alpha, but Canada is part of the commonwealth and was given his independence like a gift. He's an alpha but beholden to a government he has little say in.

Matthew is an alpha and America is an omega, but to Matthew, Alfred was the one who had full control of his life, and he envied it.

(Alfred sacrificed a lot for freedom. His first heat, he's alone, with no one to explain it to him. An older woman tutted over his ignorance and explained it as best as she could. It would take many more years before he properly learned what it was all about.

They say the most important thing for omegas is community. To care and be cared for. Because Alfred chose freedom, he had no home. No alpha. Nothing to nurture. Matthew had all of those things - he still deferred to Arthur, and had multiple homes gifted to him by Arthur or his government. Alfred was the omega, but Matthew was the one with the home and the family. He refused to envy him.)

Part 1 conclusion:

From childhood, Matthew would have compared himself to Alfred, and he would have used their designations as justification, when he thought Alfred was going to be an alpha. Then he turned out to be the alpha, and Matthew became convinced that his inferiority was something innate - not even he being an alpha could make him better than his brother.

Alfred's issues with regards to Matthew only happen post-Revolution, and most because he desires what Matthew has: Arthur, a stable home, a support system.

This is the landscape of these two's relationship in omegaverse.

[emcapi-gaming]

Arkose and Sphene's friendship

Figured that I ought to get at least a bit of a write-up on the history between Arkose and Sphene before the patch drops tomorrow, because by all indications Arkose is about to be having a REALLY weird time. (As if they didn’t already have enough drama with the entire Arcadion situation lmao.)

Tl;dr: they used to be close friends, had a catastrophic falling-out when Arkose stopped wearing a regulator, then Arkose got super disillusioned about the whole system and realized Sphene was lying about a lot of things.

The longer version: Sphene is very involved in the lives of her citizens, and especially kids with levinsickness. Arkose got diagnosed as a baby, as part of standard newborn health checks (this also resulted in their mom deciding to move from the Outskirts into Everkeep), but they had very mild symptoms as a kid which only got notably worse through adolescence. Nevertheless, Sphene would check up on their family regularly, so she was a very constant figure in their early life.

Arkose always considered Sphene a friend; that’s what she encourages kids to think of her as. As they got older, though, they kind of felt like they weren’t holding up their end of the friendship, so to speak, because friends are supposed to learn about each other and help support each other, right? Arkose is definitely an empathetic person, and shares the WoL trait that while they may recognize authority, they don’t let it get in the way of personally connecting with people who have it. So they started pushing a little bit. Trying to learn more about Sphene as a person. Noticing the little moments where the mask slips, where she seems weary or sad, and pressing “no, but how are you really?”

One of the biggest bonding moments that helped break down the barrier between them was Arkose forgetting who they were talking to a little bit and making a bit of a mean joke about Zoraal Ja that made Sphene laugh. Promptly followed by both of them looking at each other like “whoops.”

As a result, for most of Arkose’s teenage/young adult years, they were friends in a genuine sense. Sphene didn’t share everything with them, but she confided a little bit of her worries: being frustrated with some of Zoraal Ja’s decisions, feeling lonely, feeling bound by her limitations even if she couldn’t explain exactly what those were. She had a hard time understanding why Arkose wanted so badly to leave the dome and found it so distressing, because she loved the city and her people so much that she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, but she tried her best. (The two of them were never romantically involved, barring a brief crush on Arkose’s side when they were like ten, which they got over and were terrifically embarrassed about in retrospect.)

Then came Arkose’s relationship with Eutrope, and the subsequent disastrous breakup, which plunged them into the peak of their mental health crisis.

(CONTENT WARNING: suicidal ideation, suicide threats)

In case the content warning didn’t make it obvious, Arkose was very suicidal after that. They had already been dealing with significant depression and generally very poor mental health, because the feeling of being trapped in the dome combined with increasing physical limitations was incredibly stressful. Their relationship with Eutrope was one of the increasingly few things they had that still made them feel alive or like life was worth living.

Turns out Solution 9 is a fucking terrible place to be suicidal, because if you’re wearing a regulator, it means that, effectively, your death won’t hurt anyone. They won’t have to grieve for you, because they’ll just forget. That makes it dangerously easy to rationalize that the lives of everyone around you would be objectively improved by your death. For Arkose, it means that their friends won’t have to put up with them being too much to handle at times, that their mom won’t have to watch them get sicker and live with the anticipation of their death, and that Sphene won’t miss them because she’ll get a younger, happier Endless version of them to be literal best friends forever with.

Arkose is in the active planning stage when they realize that some part of them, underneath it all, still wants to live. Combined with a bad nightmare about being trapped inside a regulator, it’s the push that convinces them to try and find an alternative.

Taking off the regulator is at first, ironically enough, a matter of self-preservation. It’s an extra layer of insulation against their poor impulse control, because the option to die without hurting anyone else is just too tempting.

Most of the people around them don’t understand their decision. To everyone in Solution 9, regulators are a common-sense safety measure. But Sphene is the one who understands the least. It literally does not compute. And it’s extra horrifying for her, because it means she’s at risk of losing Arkose forever – one of the very few people she’s been able to connect with on a personal level.

This comes to a head when she threatens to have Everkeep’s security systems prevent Arkose from going outside, because without a regulator, it’s an unreasonable risk.

Arkose reacts to this poorly, given that regularly going outside Everkeep is absolutely critical to their mental health. As mentioned in the post with Eutrope, in addition to their phobia of feeling trapped or locked in, they have been experiencing derealization episodes if they stay in the city for too long, where they’re convinced that they’re in a simulation or that the people around them aren’t real.

So their response to Sphene is that if she bans them from going outside, the fact of the matter is that sooner or later she’s going to find their body somewhere at the bottom of Everkeep.

She caves on still letting them go outside, but her threatening to use her authority in that way is the end of their friendship. Arkose calls her “Your Majesty” for the first time in, perhaps, their entire life, and refuses to talk with her in anything but a very formal, impersonal manner after that.

At some point between their very messy friend-divorce and MSQ catching up with them, Arkose both learns a lot more about the regulator system and falls into Oblivion’s orbit, which results in them learning a lot more about the regulator system. Any doubts they had about the ethics of it previously had been kind of sidestepped because they were under the impression that all the souls in the system were people who had previously worn regulators. Learning the truth – that Sphene was supporting Zoraal Ja’s war in order to go out and actively harvest both souls and life-force from non-citizens, in order to supplement the soul banks and power Living Memory – is both absolutely horrifying, and feels like a massive betrayal, because it throws in to sharp relief the fact that Sphene had been lying to them for the entire duration of their friendship. That their trust in her had always been misplaced.

At the same time, they still miss her. Even after choosing not to wear a regulator and learning the truth about the system, they were still very sheltered, and learning that Sphene had died was one of their first real experiences with grief. And it was a far more complex grief than most of the other S9 citizens, who only ever saw her as an unquestionably positive figure. (Ardwin does her best to support them through it; she has a lot more experience navigating this sort of messy tangle, especially following the whole situation with Zenos which had some similarities in terms of complex emotions, but she’s held back somewhat by knowing that she was technically the one responsible for Sphene’s death.) Learning that Sphene was bound by imposed limitations when it came to prioritizing the Endless made it even more of a mess, because they don’t know how much of Sphene’s actions were “genuine.” Would she have tried to ban them from leaving if she didn’t have those limits? Would she still have kept so many things from them, or would she not have needed to?

Well, I suspect they’re about to get some of those questions answered.

[unheavenlybody]

xx

overshare ahead sowwy suicidal thoughts tw i guess.

i'm hoping i have a chance to call my friend later and talk rationally about this but ik she is also going through a rough patch and i dont want to burden her. idk what i really expect out of writing this post other than to complain about my relationship with my dad once again but i honestly feel like i'm at the end of my rope and not in a jokey way, i just don't know how to be sincere about this shit so pardon the occasional "lol" or silly tone or whatever.

it's not really a unique situation... i'm trapped in my relationship with my dad because i can't afford to live independently from him and my mom (and she can't afford to live without him, which is why she keeps coming back even when she says she will leave!!!!). i don't really have any friends or family that would take me in, so that is the only reason he and i still have a relationship. i know people have survived far worse living situations, my dad is not the worst father to ever exist or anything, but he can be cruel and emotionally volatile and makes me feel like i can never let my guard down or make the slightest mistake. i never know what will set him off. honestly he still terrifies me and hurts me as much as when i was a little defenseless kid, except now it's not physical violence that is doing the damage. now that he can't hit me anymore (cuz he knows ill hit back now LMAO) it's like all of the rage that he released by hitting me comes out with his words instead. today i realized i almost prefer the way it was before, when he would usually just hit me instead. the things he says stick with me, they make me doubt my own sanity and self image, my own motivations for doing things. i dont know who the real me is anymore, cuz the version of me that he sees is just a terrible, worthless, unfixable human being. i dont know whether that's true or not. part of me is starting to believe him. i dont mean to anger him, i just want peace and quiet honestly, but maybe its like some subconscious thing. do i subconsciously want the conflict? am i subconsciously trying to hurt and disrepect him? i dont fucking know. before i didn't think so! today i ordered takeout that was too expensive for his liking (with MY MONEY) and dropped a piece of his paper on the floor and didn't notice it. these two minor things turned into a screaming match why???? genuinely why????when it could have been a level headed conversation??? this shit is fucking MORONIC i feel crazy

regardless i'm beginning to realize a connection between my suicidal thoughts and our relationship. how a lot of the thoughts that arise, of worthlessness and being a bad person, of feeling suffocated and like i have no happiness in my future, come from things that he has said or done to me. he isn't the sole problem of course, i know that. but i dont know how to stop feeling suicidal while he is still a part of my life, when i can never feel fully safe and can't get his negativity out of my head. is it unfair to want him out of my life for that, like i'm unjustly placing the blame on him? what if im actually the problem and i don't realize it? maybe we're both equally culpable. maybe a therapist is best equipped to answer those questions lol, but i dont have one to talk to!!!

i dont really have an emotional support system for this sort of thing other than my one friend, and like i said i dont want to put shit like this on her when she's also not doing the best. i want to be able to support her and make her happy but i feel like im falling apart lol. well i know she'd prefer to keep to herself while she's recovering anyways, which is why i've been trying my best to keep a distance and give her time, but it's hard. i'm so lonely and i just want to be comforted by someone and i want someone to care and i want to be reminded that there is still love and a promising future out there for me and that there are things to stick around for. but i don't believe that's in store for me, honestly. i dont think good things are coming, just more of the same, because i dont have the motivation inside of me to get better. i want to tell my mom or my sister how i'm feeling right now. i want them to understand me, or at least try to see where i'm coming from and tell me we'll figure it out and lay with me till i go to sleep like when i was little, but i guess i have to get over wanting that sort of thing. i know my mother will aways side with my dad over me, and my sister will tell me i just need to toughen up and get over his bullshit just like she has. i wish was stronger and more independent, like her.

i know we can't have our hands held through adulthood and nobody is coming to save me and blah blah blah. but i don't understand how anyone can bear all of this everyday for an entire lifetime, like just being alive in the world? and having the responsibility rest on your shoulders alone? like how is anyone keeping it together bro? i feel like i'm only doing a fraction of what an adult my age is "supposed" to have accomplished and im so tired and absolutely fumbling through everything. i want to be done with it all. i see all these expectations that come along with being a "functional," "responsible," and independent adult and it makes me feel like im suffocating. like i can never achieve it, even though i know that if i really tried maybe i could. i'm scared to seek out professional help bc i dont want to get put into a psych ward or some shit and honestly deep down i dont even know if i actually want them to intervene and try to help me, even with less extreme measures. i'm just really tired of being alive and i don't see a future for myself. wishing i wasn't here anymore. i dont even know how to end this post or connect these final thoughts. if you actually read it to the end then thanks goodbye

[contentloadingandstuff]

Nilou, Candace & Dehya x Dom!Male!Reader Headcanons!

CW: Male!Reader, rough play, swearing, pole dancing. Not proof read.

For Candace it’s all about serving you. She does so willingly - she likes to think that caring for you with her mind, actions and body is her wife’s duty. It also turns her on quite a fair bit! Nothing beats being your obedient, slutty cocksucker <3

You lift the cup to your lips. The slightly sweet taste of the ice cold cactus juice reaches your tongue, and you down the drink in one go. You put it away and sigh in satisfaction, not only because of the refreshment. The pair of tits moving up and down your cock and the soft, firm tongue flicking your tip every now and then work wonders for your exhausted mind. You reach out your hand to cup Candace’s tanned cheek. She looks up at you, her heterochromic eyes glowing with unrestrained lust. She smiles and opens her mouth, letting her hot tongue slide out. 

Moving your hand to her head, you press it down slightly. Candace catches the hint and she pulls her body away. Your dick doesn’t remain lonely for long - her mouth envelops your head almost right away, wetting it with a mix of her saliva and your precum. She works away, sending waves of electrifying pleasure through your body. Her hands grip your thighs for support as she worships you sloppily. 

The pleasure peaks when she presses her tongue against your frenulum. You groan and she immediately pushes her head all the way down. You grab her hair for support.

“C-candace… Candace…” You moan as you unload inside her eager throat. 

When your thighs stop trembling, she pulls away with a loud pop. She opens her mouth slightly, showing just how much you came. Candace looks you straight in the eyes and swallows your seed with a loud gulp. Her mouth opens again, not a drop left inside. She smirks.

“Thank you, my dear.”

Being a submissive is so fun! Nilou loves the dynamic a lot. She likes feeling cared for, feeling protected, and being the well behaved sub for you. Being obedient and called a good girl in return gets her all hot and bothered. Nilou likes a good punishment and reward system - it makes her rehearsals much more fun when sexy time is at stake! Especially if those dances are meant only for you…

Nilou takes a deep breath. She looks back at you, and you send her an encouraging smile. Her hands tighten around the pole, her aqua eyes focused on her distorted reflection.

I can do this.

She turns her entire body towards you, her left hand still gripping the metal rod. Nilou walks a few seductive steps to the side before leaning against the pole again. Her right leg raises and she bends it, grasping the pole. She pulls her entire body up and she shifts her balance to the left, making a few spins. Seamlessly, she places both of her feet down on the floor again. Her arms shift to hold the top and bottom parts and she gracefully hops up, pushing the side of her hips to the pole and curling her legs slightly. She spins a few times again, a gentle smile on her lips. Nilou straightens her body and wraps it around the pole and spins in the opposite direction this time. When her back is turned to you she fluently dismounts, making slow steps towards you. She bends down in a bow before smoothly grabbing the pole with her right thigh. She bends her entire body back, left leg in the air and left arm nearly touching the floor. After a moment she straightens up, spins a final time, and ends her performance by blowing a kiss. 

“Beautiful, simply beautiful…” You get up from your seat and approach her. Nilou runs up to you. Her entire face is glowing with excitement. 

“Did I do it? Did I finally do it?” She asks, barely containing her joy.

“Yes! That was absolutely stellar, Nilou!” You hug her tightly, rocking her side to side a little. She squeals with happiness. “Where did you even learn all of this?”

She giggles and blushes. “It’s quite popular here, so I have a few friends who are into this. I asked them to teach me so I could dance for you, and they agreed! It took some time, but I got the hang of it.”

You move your hands to cup her cheeks. You stare into her eyes with pure adoration. All of that for you?

“Oh, Nilou… You’re spoiling me!” You share a gentle, short kiss. Her lips taste of peach juice, sweet just as herself. 

“Am I a good girl then? Do I deserve a reward?” She asks timidly.

“Of course you are. You’re more than good, you’re the best girl.” You kiss her again. “What would you like as your reward?”

“Hm…” She places her finger theatrically to her lips. “Can we make love? Please? I was thinking of your c-cock all day…” 

You smirk. Despite her every effort, ‘naughty’ words are still hard not to stutter at. You grab her wrist.

“You’ve more than deserved it, baby.” 

You both giggle as you hurry to the bedroom.

Don’t think Dehya will come quietly. She enjoys being the sub, but you have to earn it. She’s the strongest girl around for thousands of miles, so you have to show her that you’re even stronger - your reward will be her body and submission. She likes to get you to show off your strength, your amazing body, your deep voice and ,last but not least, your authority over her. Prepare to actively keep her down and force her into submission - she really likes when you do that, and she always gets what she wants. 

 “What was that about?” You ask, arms crossed over your semi exposed chest. 

Dehya narrows her eyes and scoffs. “What was what about?”

“What were you doing out there? That wasn’t the plan.” You’ve just returned from a Fatui caravan raid. Instead of following the tactic you established, she moved first and forced you to improvise. 

“So what? It wasn’t risky and no one got hurt.” 

“You can’t disregard my words so much. You’re introducing chaos into the heists. You have to follow the plan, else it won’t work. That was luck, Dehya.” Your tone is serious, adrenaline still pumping through your veins. 

“Oh? Listen to you or what?” She smiles mockingly and steps forward. “What are you going to do about it, huh?”

You step forward, your chest now pressing on hers. You hold back a smirk, keeping your composure. “You know the consequences, Dehya.”

“Oh, I see. You’re going to punish me, are you? I have been a bad, bad girl. I need someone to discipline me.” She guides her hands, dirty with sand and sweat, up your chest, until finally resting them on your shoulders. She presses her hips against yours. 

“Hm, maybe I will. But you would like that, wouldn’t you? You enjoy being punished, you absolute brat.’ You grab her by her wrists and pull her hands away from your body. Dehya can feel your dick twitch underneath your pants, so awfully tight on your erection.

You push her into the command tent, closing the folds behind you. She backs up, resisting a fair bit, but not enough to pose any serious challenge. Her ass hits the edge of the map table, and you force her to sit on it. With a broad swipe, you send all the props and miscellaneous items to the ground. She opens her legs, making space for your clothed cock to press right against her hidden pussy.

You stare at each other for a second before you dive into her lips, letting your lust flow freely. You let go of her hands for a moment and Dehya immediately moves to take off her pants. With a few moves you remove everything covering your scarred chest and unbuckle your belt. Before Dehya can take off her panties you grab her wrists again. Pinning them to the table over her head, you unceremoniously rip them off and discard them to the side. You reach for your cock and, without warning, you thrust into her. She groans.

“Fuck, really got you all riled up - Hng! - didn’t I?”

You slap her face with your other hand before forcing your thumb into her mouth. She moves her hands to gently hold your forearm for support as she greedily licks your dirty digit. Your other hand soon finds its way to her throat, wrapping tightly around it. She gags, but her tongue never stops worshiping you. You pull your hand out of her mouth, earning a groan of displeasure from her. You make up for it with another slap before roughly pulling back the cloth covering her bust. You grab a handful of her boob, carelessly massaging the nipple. She moans, but due to your hand the only sounds that come out of her restricted windpipe are those of air being forced out of her lungs with every thrust. Her legs lock around your hips, but you push them apart by wiggling your torso. 

Someone clears their throat outside of the tent. Both of you suddenly flinch, your hand on her throat instantly relaxing.

“Sir? Among the documents we stole there is something you would be interested in. A map to be precise.”

Dehya growls. “Put it on the table to the right and scram. We’re busy.”

You look back to see a tanned arm reaching into the tent and placing a scroll where she commanded. It then retracts, and the sounds of quick footsteps on the sound mark the officer’s departure. Dehya grabs your chin and turns it back to her. 

“Where were we? Oh right. Choke this bitch and keep fucking. I still have a lot to learn.” 

Thanks for reading!

[valentinsylve]

My friend from work died today. She had liver and kidney failure and her vascular system was destroyed. Then she caught covid. She was 50 and suffered from long-term alcoholism. I never told anyone (OBVIOUSLY) but before she was hospitalized for a fall, every time I was on the phone with her as a friend she was drunk. Like, serious drunk. We'd talked about recovery support and she said she kept meaning to go to meetings but she had a support group on tiktok (? I don't even know how that would work tbh). She had no one stable in her life and had lost people because of the alcoholic behavior. Alcoholism is awful and isolating and kills people and harms their loved ones. Any way people get free from it is fine by me. AA has its deep flaws but I do know many, many people who have stayed alcohol-free with that support. Really, in-person support makes so much of a difference. If you're suffering that way, you have my utmost sympathy, because I was heading toward death 10 years ago and managed to stop. Not everyone can. Going to meetings for a year helped me, even though it ultimately wasn't needed permanently. That fact wasn't due to my own strength or any bullshit like that. I think I just don't have the chemical dependency for whatever reason. Now that I don't binge (probably because my mood and anxiety disorders are wayyyy better managed and I'm no longer erotically and codependently drawn to people with worse problems than I have uh lol?), 3 drinks is a whole lot for me to have within a week, and I have bottles in the house that I haven't finished in 2 months. I loved my friend and I'm going to miss her like crazy. She was very lonely and her other relationships were chaotic and sometimes violent. I never met any of those people, probably because she didn't want anyone to meet them. I think about the way I was at 40 and feel a lot of ways right now. Mostly sad because my friend was a good person with a loving heart who had an addiction that killed her.

[hotasfahrenheit]

something i've been thinking about a lot since watching the end of Love For Love's Sake is what and who exactly is real in the universe that Myungha is playing the game in.

what do we know about this world? firstly, it is presented to us and Myungha as being the world of the story that Myungha read, but focused on Yeowoon instead of the main characters from the manuscript who are a happy couple that ends up together. they don't enter the picture at all; we don't know what point in that theoretical timeline Myungha is inserted into, but this implies it's before Yeowoon meets them since they're just not there.

the next step from there tho is... is the manuscript that Myungha read even real? he remembers the mysterious sunbae being the one who gave it to him to read, but if the sunbae is some kind of god or angel of death, did Myungha actually read it after he died, as part of a test to figure out what to do with his soul?

really my ultimate question that this whole line of thought is digging at is if Yeowoon is also someone being given a chance at life and happiness again, and is as real as Myungha is (and if the other boys are thus real too). despite Myungha seeing the game interface that no one else sees and having the system errors affect his existence in the world, the interactions between other characters when Myungha is not there are too deep and too real to be just NPCs. they're experiencing life and making decisions like fully really people, and living it outside of Myungha's scope of knowledge and what he can see. we get multiple scenes of the characters interacting and doing things without Myungha, and not all of them connect directly back to him or things he's doing.

knowing that Myungha's grandmother already passed away fills in her existence easily- she could very well actually be Myungha's grandmother's soul actually brought into this world as well. clearly some people are not there because they're also dead- like his ex girlfriend appearing as the agent, or his mother appearing in the cafe- but they have much simpler functions in this world. but there's little things- Sangwon struggling with his relationship with his mother and talking about how his father used to hit him too, Kyunghoon having a boyfriend that is always far away and he can't see until some point in the future- that hint to me that they might be other lost souls that had bad or sad things happening in their lives too, that might have brought them early deaths as well.

was the story that Myungha read about Yeowoon a story about another real, sad, lonely person who made the same choice Myungha did? was the game not just a set up for Myungha to save himself and learn how to love himself and others but a way to save multiple souls?

one of the main pieces of support behind that idea for me is the fact that Yeowoon breaks through the haze after Myungha disappears and not only remembers Myungha but is able to take control of the game to bring him back. i agree with this great post from @wen-kexing-apologist that Myungha (and his depression) is the one controlling the game he's experiencing in general and causing the system errors, because that makes sense for the things Myungha sees. but the others don't see them, though they do see the physical effects on Myungha when things happen like him falling down the stairs when he's with Sangwon. they see Myungha reacting to screens only he can see, and they do notice that's he's interacting with them and clearly think it's odd even tho they don't really comment on it.

and in the most crucial moment, Yeowoon finds the pen and the notebook. Yeowoon pushes to remember Myungha, pushes to find him, pushes to figure out a way to get him back, and i cannot believe that he's just some kind of NPC in an actual game or a made up person in a constructed reality that Myungha gets to exist in as the only real human soul. he has drive, he makes autonomous decisions, he is cognizant and aware. he needs to learn about how to love and be loved like Myungha does; he needs to learn how to connect to others and not be alone and adrift. he has a reason to be placed in this world like Myungha does even if he's not the one in charge of it until the moment it matters most.

could this be an alternate reality where Myungha just hasn't died yet and that's how everyone is real and there? theoretically maybe, but the fact that he is experiencing everything as a 19 year old in the current time and not in 2012 means despite going from 29 to 19 means that this isn't just another parallel earth where he's taking over the existence of another Myungha. (plus where would that Myungha go??) also his grandmother being there and being fully a real person means that he hasn't just been placed back into the real world, since we know she's already passed away there as well. i don't have a solid theory yet for how their world exists, i just have ideas about how they're existing within it.

i feel like i'm hitting the point when i'm just gonna be talking in circles about this from here out, since i've been thinking about it in circles, so I'm gonna wrap this up and go think about it for the rest of forever.

tldr is that i think at least Yeowoon and the other boys are all real. they're all being given another chance, with Myungha as their ringleader. they need to learn from him as much as he needs to learn from taking care of them; they all learn that they're worthy of love and friendship in ways they hadn't known before.

they all get their second chance.

[tallysgreatestfan]

and

GIFs by @adamsvanrhijn

That is the core of the series for me.

Sure, the beauty culture commentary saved me from falling as deep into hating my body as most other girls my age (and unlike a Hollywood movie a book is actually capable of going as deep into that as it wants), and the technological worldbuilding in the books absolutely amazing and made me understand just how much you can do with science fiction settings, and obviously I love the characters.

But this, this is what I kept reading for.

Bit personal story, but at the time I first read the series, I was in autism therapy for around four years already. Luckily, I was too old for it to be ABA, but it still pretty much consisted of pointing out everything I did wrong and how to do it the right way and all the ways I am lesser than neurotypicals. My parents said they supported me and I know that they truly love me, but they also said that this therapy helped me so much and pointed out that it is boring and impolite to talk about my special interests too much.

I never before had anybody or anything tell me that it is okay to be different and actually mean it. That it should be okay to be different, but also it is so horrifically painful and lonely and you would do anything to finally be how you should be, and that is not pathetic or makes you a bad person. And finally, Tallys choice at the end of "Specials". You don't need a cure.

Tally is routinely called selfish for doing things that end up harming her friends, not because she prioritizes herself consciously, but because she is bad at choices and bad at relationships. One of the most awful, damaging things you hear all the time as an autistic person is how selfish you are for existing.

And Shay understands being different, but also deals with it in the opposite way of Tally, accepting it and rebelling against the system while Tally tries to fit in. They get each other and they love each other, but that also means that they are the most capable of hurting each other. Which mirrored pretty much every friendship I had to another weird girl.

Beauty culture critique is important, but that is something other books and series and movies do as well. Good sci-fi, or human feeling flawed characters, amazing, too, but also something other fiction does. But it took until around 2018 for me to finally come across another book saying that being different is okay and meaning it, "Failure to Communicate" by Kaia Sonderby, an actual queer autistic author.

I was blessedly naive as I first read these books. I was an outcast, sure, and I was lonely, but I wasn't yet abused so intensely by other students that I don't even remember most of these years, I didn't had several different mental illnesses yet as a cause of that, so I didn't yet understood the sheer scope and desperation and self-destruction both Tally and Shay show in the second and third book. I didn't yet, like Tally already in the first book, have to learn that the world is so much more awful and hopeless than I thought.

I didn't know that I was bi yet, even though looking back I definitely had first signs reading these books, but just conveniently shoved them aside.

I am not sure what would have happened hadn't I read them so early. Even by now I feel lesser than and I hate myself, but it is not as intense anymore as back then, and I think these books definitely planted the seed for that.

Maybe my sense of identity? It's hard to have an identity when you're literally in therapy trying to get you to give it up.

And knowing that despite being different, despite being autistic and queer, I don't deserve to be treated like this. Which is something social justice would have taught me eventually, but I would still have needed another impulse to start searching for it, and who knows how many years later this would have been.

It is so sad to me how other than the ~10 other people in my discord server for the series and me, nobody seems to get this message from the series or even notice it

[thefaithfulwriter1]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐔𝐒 (𝟎𝟎. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏)

❝ And I will find the strength to un-tape my mouth. When I used to be afraid of the words. But I've learned just to let it out. Now my heart is ready to burst. 'Cause I, I feel like I'm ready for love. And I wanna be your everything and more. And I know everyday you say it. But I just want you to be sure. That I am yours. ❞ - I am Yours - Ella Henderson

Summary - In which a story is told about a successful writer who struggles with all aspects of her health. Yes, she is famous for her hard work, being granted with fans and recognition. But she still lives a struggling lonely life. Between her health and past she doesn't know what to do anymore. That is until she is given the suggestion to adopt a hybrid from her doctor for emotional support. Taking the advice, she soon looks into adopting a hybrid which she does, finding a handsome kind tiger hybrid. But it soon leads to the beginning of her story of how she comes upon six more hybrids in need of help which she does whole heartly. And she soon finds out that she is capable of love and is deserving of love as well.

Pairing - BTS (Taehyung Centric) x Fem!Reader

Alternative Universe - Hybrid

Warnings - Fluff, Angst, 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 (𝙰𝙳H𝙳, 𝙰𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢, 𝙳𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚌 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝙿𝚃𝚂𝙳), 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚜 (𝙻𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚜, 𝙻𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚢𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚖), 𝙿𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝙰𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚎, 𝙻𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚐𝚎, 𝚂𝚎mi Smut

You were sitting in the back of a car in front of a building… thinking. Stuck in your head thinking of your life. You were a successful writer. You were very successful so much so that your books were bestsellers all over the world. You were still coming along good with your books too. But with you rising as a bestselling author over the years many other things came along as well. Things along the lines of houses, cars, and fans. Just because you had all these things didn't mean you were the happiest person. You were very grateful for all you had but that didn't mean you didn't have your problems. You were never able to escape your past nor your health problems…which were many.

Your health problems made your life difficult. But you tried to enjoy life to the fullest knowing it could be worse. Your health pertains to your mental and physical health. Your mental health was ADHD, Manic behavior, depression, anxiety, PTSD, being your main mental problems. Physically you had the crappiest lungs which caused you to carry an oxygen tank on your person at times (like now). Leading you to have severe chronic asthma, you also had a low immune system meaning you were able to get sick easier and faster. Yes, you knew you had it rough but couldn't bring yourself to complain knowing others had it worse than you. So all you could do was take it one day at a time and deal with all your problems as best as you could as they came your way.

These problems though caused you to see a therapist. This started from a young age to help you with your feelings along with the events that had happened to you in the past to your most recent life events. You've never really had conflicted feelings with your therapist up until now. Because right now you were about to make a big change in your life upon the request of your therapist.

At the moment you were looking upon the vast building in front of you anxiously. You had so many thoughts running through your mind at the moment both positive and negative. You honestly didn't know what to do as you looked upon the building with worry.

The building was an adoption agency... an adoption agency specifically for hybrids.

Yes, in this world hybrids were very real, being discovered years before you were even born. And right now you were glued in your seat. Scared of what you were about to get yourself into with the possibility of adopting a hybrid today. Will he or she like you? Will they accept you and your differences? Will they be able to adapt to your way of living? Your rambunctious thoughts were soon cut off by someone in the driver's seat clearing their throat to catch your attention.

"Miss Y/n its about time that we get going in don't you think?" They had asked softly while looking at you with a small smile. That someone was your human butler. Who has been with you ever since the first book you wrote was a bestseller, which was about five years ago when you were eighteen.

Xavier Johnson was his name and he was a man in his late thirties. Xavier knew everything about your health and past which led him to take the job. Especially, when he found out you were just a caring and humble young woman who needed extra help in life.

"Do you think I should do this Xavier," you whispered nervously as you carefully played with the smooth tube connected to your oxygen tank.

"Personally I think you should. You need the companionship along with the socialization and who knows maybe it'll be different with a hybrid. But that is just me, you should do whatever you're comfortable with Miss L/n," Xavier told her straightforwardly. He wanted her to know his thoughts. Which you took into consideration. It took you minutes to rethink everything and ready yourself for this big change in her life.

"Okay lets go then before I change my mind," you sighed out.

TAGLIST -

rinkud

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

me when people are hating on Ouma's actions in game like. I just support him, actually

Ves: REAL she looked good doing it

if it were me I would get more crazy for a lot more selfish reasons, and I would punch Kaito back sooner, good for him for keeping his eyes on the goal

fr fr, look at him in the closing argument, that's my babygirl

Ves: the closing argument artist thinks so too

he did not have to go that hard but HE DID IT FOR ALL OF US. A HERO

haters will act like he's irrational, but he stuck out so long with no support system since he couldn't trust anyone and managed to play things off even when he was finally starting to lose his shit in a situation when it was reasonable for him to feel like this (tbh even fans make him often crack way more easily to make shipping content, when he's so resilient and then on the other hand not really lone wolfing it either bc he cooperated as much as he could) his way of going about things was smart, there isn't much else he could do, Tsumugi was setting up others to distrust him as well

Ves: AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! he did he lasted so fucking long in the worst possible situation he tried so HARD to cooperate and it just. did not work. if i think abt how quickly his plans fell apart i will explode i'd b doing so much worse in his situation

sometimes it's just like, you're talking about paranoia? trust and attachment issues? untreated mental illness? I think we have to be introduced, there's so much I could show you. I am not saying he doesn't have anything of the sort, but there's a lot more of reasonable justified distrust there, and still, it could be so much worse, trapping the next person who thoughtlessly assigns him diagnosis in a demonizing way in a room with me and making them listen to me rant about my failed relationships history for educational purposes

they will learn about all kinds of issues

Ves: it's trueee people act like he's so strange for breaking down but LIKE??? HE'S PRETTY NORMAL FOR THAT ACTUALLY???? he clearly already had Issues but the killing game was perfectly packaged to dig into those this is why DRS and UTDP mostly suck at characterizing him they're still stuck in the idea of him at his absolute worst he was nicer even in ch1 than he is in some of those events

[and then my amazing wife dropped this bomb, and she says I'm the smart one smh] Sini: The thing is, there’s him being shitty on purpose and him pretending to be the mastermind/making himself appear suspicious. There is a clear difference in how he acts. In DRS and UTDP he usually just comes across as playful. Yeah he’s a jackass, but I think his whole “bad guy” persona (the one we see in the beginning of the game) goes beyond the killing game. I see it as a way for him to protect himself, to push people away and not appear as vulnerable. As he’s said before, everyone always sees him as a villain so it’s the perfect role for him. I think that reasoning goes beyond what was happening to him in canon. I do agree his characterization could’ve used a bit more reworking, but I think for the most part they did a good job in showing how differently he acts in a peaceful setting in small ways. The fact that he never uses his scary sprites once or is seen to be more nice with characters like Mikan and Gonta. Especially with Gonta, where he seems to be more vulnerable around. And while this was probably just a mistake, I like to think him being shown as not as pale in DRS as a sign of him getting better. In a non killing game environment he seems to be doing pretty well for himself. But that’s what I believe, anyway

Ves: h that's really sweet actually,,,i may have been a LITTLE hard on the side modes. it's mostly the way he treats kiibo that drives me INSANE, the mikan n gonta stuff is [ok hand emoji].

Sini: Yeah, I agree. I can understand the Kiibo hate, but he doesn’t have to go as hard as he did in game. It’s not like there is a reason to suspect him. The only thing that could maybe explain it is maybe he suspects he could be tied to Monokuma? Since he, the Monokubz, and Monomi do exist here. He was rude to Monomi and seems to suspect her of being not what she seems ALSO, he’s always gonna be a little shit cause he’s a greedy whore. He wants attention and entertainment so badly.

Ves: THISSSSS it's so important i have seen so many people question why he does things where the answer is literally just that he wants attention like there is not always a plot sometimes he just wants shuuichi to chase him

Sini: That’s all there is to it He wants his crush to chase him like in his favourite novels Live the fantasy

Ves: it's part of why they're so good together!! shuuichi as a detective is v used to obsessing over details and giving his whole attention to something in the way kokichi wants HE'S A NERD THAT ALSO EXPLAINS MANY THINGS

Sini: They’re both nerds. Even more reason to why they are soulmates

Ves: kokichi receives the Detective Stare and goes TEEEEEHEE

Sini: IT’S HIS DREAM COME TRUE It’s just like anime! He’s living anime rn

Ves: i think his hair should curl up at the ends when he gets excited as a treat

Sini: To compliment Shuichi’s sentiment ahoge When he goes to his room after an exciting day with Shuichi, he flops on his bed, kicks his feet, and squeals into his pillow

I feel a little ashamed when reverse happens and I am posting something someone else started and I took over, but with this all I can say: follow @vespertin-y and leave nice comments for my wife so we can prove it to her that she is smart and her takes are divine.