#and this is i think a significant improvement on the first

[ene-posting]

EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS OPEN!!

Hello, well, I hope I am not bothering anyone with this message. I have open commissions very urgently. I would really appreciate it if you could consider me or share it with someone who might be interested.

I have about 3 weeks to raise a considerable amount of money, because I was invited as an illustrator to a Sonic event here in my country and (unfortunately for me) is the first time I attend an event like this as an illustrator, so I have no merchandise and all the money I have would be to travel (since I live in the south of the country and the event is in the capital, which translates to 10 hours bus ride).

Besides having to buy bus tickets and merchandise, I urgently need to buy a printer so I can print my artwork and at least bring something in case I don't manage to order keychains or anything spectacular.

For some it may seem unimportant, but the truth is that you don't apply for things expecting to be left behind, and I made it. After 12 straight years of drawing and improving, having this opportunity to finally recognize myself as an illustrator in the world of fandom is significant to me.

Sorry for the huge bible, but I think it was only fair to share some context. Anyway, to those of you who have read this, I appreciate that you did. 💖 Commissions are requested with DM or through my Ko-fi, I'll leave you the link to my carrd and the kofi so you can see everything as transparently as possible.

Once again, thank you for making it this far.

Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/ene_25/commissions Carrd: https://ene-sonamy25.carrd.co/

for more quality please check on my carrd-

[cursesavior]

"I know," Suguru murmurs softly, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. Still, even with Satoru's best efforts, it couldn't have ended well - there would have been hell to pay once the higher-ups found out, and he's certain that they would've made an example of him in front of the entire academy - show everyone what happens if they refuse to fulfill their duty as a vampire hunter. A public execution in front of all of his former peers, just to send a message. Even besides it being an awful way to go, to have Satoru witness it, Shoko, his underclassmen - he doesn't even want to think about what they would've gone through.

He gives a hum when Satoru suggests a different approach - he's not surprised that he would want to take a more... gentle tactic than outright war, given he'd still lived at the academy until somewhat recently. While Suguru had fallen out of touch with everyone for years, Satoru still knew them all, had seen their friends grow up and change with the passage of time - of course he's a little adverse to just slaughtering as many hunters as possible. Still, he doesn't think those in charge are going to be so charitable as to consider their side of the story, to see peace as a viable option. He knows how vicious their teachings are - any attempt at bargaining for a treaty would likely just be seen as a trick, a way to make the humans let their guards down so that they could pounce. It's an impossible situation, but there is something to what Satoru said...

"Hmm... It's a nice idea, but I don't think anything we say is going to get through to the old fools in charge." He sighs, tilting his head a bit as he purses his lips into a thoughtful pout. "But we could announce our wish for a treaty first while keeping our people on standby. Even if the higher-ups will attack us regardless, it'll give those who aren't as brainwashed a chance to leave before the real fight begins. Not to mention that it would improve our image - make us look less like monsters, as you said. We already have significant support in smaller villages, but if the people see that the academy attacked us when we extended an olive branch to them, we could get more people on our side." So a little bit of both, essentially - giving them the chance to conduct themselves peacefully while knowing full well that this is going to end in bloodshed either way. It's all politics. That's how Suguru sees it, anyways - he can't imagine a world where they'd actually hear him out, not when they'd sent his own best friend to end his life. He would always be nothing but a monster to them - that was just a reality he had to accept.

"If anything, they might feign interest in a treaty, and use the meeting to discuss terms as a chance to attempt an assassination - we'll need to be exceedingly careful, in that case. Who knows what kind of tricks they'll try and pull..." He holds Satoru a little closer at the thought - just imagining them trying to hurt him filled him with protective rage, needing to remind himself that his lover is safe for now to steady himself. He wouldn't let that happen - wouldn't trust them for a second if it meant putting him at risk. If it meant keeping this family of his safe, he didn't care how many hunters he had to kill, how many familiar faces he'd have to watch bleed out... For them, it was all worth it.

He doesn't want to admit that Suguru was right not to come back to the academy  ––  they would've taken one look at him and happily used him as a learning curve, a reason of caution to the others that this was what happened when you let the monster take over. But if there's one thing that he does know, it's that he wouldn't have thought anything differently of him. Sure, he might've come at him in combat out of sheer disbelief and shock, but he doesn't think he could ever actually be the one to stake him in the heart. His fingers run idly through his hair for a long moment, chin resting on top of his head; Suguru had been just as lost as he had been, just in a different way. He remembers when they had used to gossip in the dead of night, sound machine on to feign sleep so that the elders wouldn't hear their doubts, their confessions about this being the right thing to do. They had always been destined on a path away from the academy; it had just taken a different turn, whether they had wanted it to or not. "I never would've thought less of you." The words are gentle, vibrating through his jaw as he speaks. "I would've kept you safe and sound from them for as long as I could have."

It doesn't even surprise him anymore that he means every word, that he holds it close like the biggest promise he could've made. He knew what would happen when he stepped through those temple doors  ––  he knew the person that he would become the moment that he had seen Suguru. There had always been a nagging possibility somewhere in the back of his mind, and the second that it had been confirmed when he had heard his voice? There was no way around what his fate had been. 

There's a little bit of relief in his chest at the fact that Suguru understands the familiar people who rest behind those walls, the ones that haven't been terrible. The ones that had questioned just as much as they had, but who had kept it quiet, who had done their jobs because it was what they knew what to do. He understands that the academy is the biggest advisory in the area  ––  they teach all up and coming hunters and the competition is something that's fierce. It's something that drains you completely and makes you feel as if there is nothing left. But he can't help but hope that there's a different way to go about al of this, where a peaceful option can overcome. Maybe it's because Satoru had grown tired of violence even as a hunter. Maybe it's because he's not fully in control of himself and these newfound emotions yet, and is still hanging on to who he was for some point.

A slow breath leaves his lips and he cups Suguru's jaw, turns his head upward so that their eyes can meet. He wonders if his are maroon like his get when he's hungry; he wonders how much of himself is still him in the long run with the blood in his system. "Maybe we can do it a different way, something more tactile than brute force. Maybe we can try and broker a treaty first, show intelligence and mercy  ––  that we aren't the monsters that they once thought that we were. Where violence can be a second option  ––  it'll bide time to train our followers a lot better against the type of people that they're going to face, but it'll also get word out that vampires aren't completely heartless beings." There's a little bit of hope in his tone, but he's also wary  ––  he knows that this is Suguru's mission, his following. He'll follow him no matter what; he just doesn't know if blood shed is the right way to go about it.

[mirrortouchedsea]

(CW for Suicidal Ideation)

Hinata’s breath was heavy as he landed the final move of their act. The tinny music playing from their speakers went quiet and the audience clapped politely. It was always the same song and dance as the crowd moved on with their day. A few of them tossed some yen their way but otherwise it was time for them to regroup for their next performance. Yuta knelt down by the hat with some coins and bills sticking out of it, counting their earnings thus far. 

“Hey aniki! We might be able to eat well tonight! There’s like 3,000 yen in here!” Yuta exclaimed. The idea of a filling dinner made Hinata’s mouth water. Oh what he wouldn’t do for even warm noodles not from a cup. 

Hinata turned to grab the iPod from its place on the speaker, choosing the next song to play. He put the phone back and turned the volume up a little more to play over the evening rush. The music started and he and Yuta moved in unison around their little stage, taking in the crowd. There were some regulars that Hinata recognized, the businesswoman who was perpetually tired but always stopped for their performances and a few kids who looked up at them in awe as their parents were trying to usher them away. There were always new faces too, of course people traveled across the country all the time or took new trains or moved cities, but there was something different about the boy with the bright red hair at the back of the crowd. His sky blue eyes pierced straight through to Hinata’s heart and made him stumble when their gaze connected with his own. 

“Hey, aniki focus! We’re almost done, don't fail on me now!” Yuta whispered, carefully shielding Hinata from the crowd as he regained his footing. Yuta was always so quick thinking. Hinata got back to his position and finished up the routine, eyes looking for that boy he had spotted earlier. He half hoped the boy would come talk to them afterwards while they were packing up for the evening, but when he finally saw that shock of red hair, it was moving away with the rest of the crowd. 

Hinata sighed, disappointed. Maybe that boy would come back someday. There was something about him that drew Hinata in. 

Someone bumped his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts. “Hey, aniki, are you alright? You seem out of it today.” Yuta’s hand rested on his shoulder and Hinata couldn’t help but smile. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around, the older brother checking in on the younger one? 

“Hey hey everything’s fine Yuta-kun, don’t worry about me. I was just thinking about that delicious dinner you’re treating us too~” He playfully pushed back on Yuta, the red haired blue eyed boy all but forgotten now. 

“Hey! It’s technically our money so I’m not treating you to anything!” Yuta scowled but the smile in his voice was obvious to Hinata. 

“Hehe, then dinner’s on me! Say ‘thank you aniki!’” 

--- 

It was a week before Hinata saw the red headed boy in their audience again. He had all but slipped his mind, but those striking blue eyes were impossible to forget. Yuta was introducing their next performance which allowed Hinata to take a better look at the older boy who had made his way to the middle of the audience. He was tall and what Hinata could see of his outfit seemed ill-fitting at best, along with a headband holding his hair away from his eyes. 

Hinata scrambled to his position as the music queued up and let his instincts take over. Every so often he found himself glancing at the red haired boy, trying to see what he thought of their performance, but his face revealed nothing. 

Why was he so focused on this one boy? It’s not like they didn’t have strangers who watched them sometimes, and none of them had caught Hinata’s attention quite like this boy. He really couldn’t be much older than Hinata, maybe 17 at the oldest. Was he an older brother too? The boy’s eyes made contact with Hinata’s and it took everything in him to not look away. 

Once again however, Yuta snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in and everything was forgotten. 

“Are you really okay aniki? You’ve been out of it a lot recently…” Oh how it pained Hinata to see the concern on Yuta’s face. Nothing was even really wrong per se, but Hinata was distracted nonetheless. 

“I’m fine, Yuta-kun. Geez, can’t your older brother have some peace?” His mouth ran faster than his brain and he immediately regretted it. Yuta’s face flipped through several emotions; hurt, confusion, exhaustion. It wasn’t like him to hide things from his brother, so why was he doing it now? “Whatever, let’s get some dinner. My treat~” 

“It’s our money!” 

--- 

The boy continued to make appearances at the twins’ performances on the street, becoming something of a regular but disappearing before Hinata could flag him down. Hinata wasn’t even sure what compelled him to want to talk to the older boy, but he wanted to say something. He had even noticed that the boy seemed happier and his clothes fit a little better, not like they were just the first thing he grabbed out of a donation pile. 

Finally, after almost a month of trying to say something to the boy, Hinata saw him walk up to their hat on the ground and drop a few coins into it. 

“Thank you!” He said, walking up to the boy. “Hope you enjoyed the performance!” 

The boy froze as if he wasn’t expecting to be greeted like that. There was a slight flush to his face. “I-it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. You uh…you were great?” The boy seemed unsure of how to reply, though Hinata was happy with the compliment nonetheless. Maybe… 

“What brings you here? I mean--agh, sorry! I just mean…I noticed you don’t have a regular schedule?” The words were practically falling out of his mouth and Hinata wasn’t really sure what they were doing. “Like you show up a few days in a row but then go three weeks without stopping by at all!” He was just digging a bigger grave for himself! Great! 

“Ah uhm…I’m not from around here.” The boy scratched at the back of his neck. Maybe Hinata should back off. 

“O-oh, yeah of course. Duh. Are you visiting family or something?” 

“Not quite. I really should get going though. See you…later?” 

“Yeah, see you later.” 

“Hey Aniki, are you coming or not? The food’s gonna get cold!” 

“Coming!” 

---

It was almost a month before the boy appeared again. In the time between, Hinata had come up with a million different ideas for what his life was like. Was he a delinquent who skipped school to hang out on the street with gangs (how scary! But he looked strong enough to fit in)? Or was he a runaway from a city far away, somewhere Hinata only dreamed of visiting like Okinawa? Maybe he had a bad relationship with his dad and ran away, a thought that Hinata hated to admit had crossed his mind more than once. Or maybe he just passed through the city on the way to somewhere else. That seemed to be the most likely option, especially if he couldn’t come very often. 

When the boy did finally show up again, Hinata had to hold himself back from practically jumping him after the performance. Something looked…different about him though. His eyes seemed more tired? Like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Hinata thought of a fight he had with his dad a few weeks ago that made it hard for him to sleep and thought maybe this boy was the same as him in that regard. 

Hinata decided to wave him down after the performance, hat in hand (they had done pretty well! It felt heavier than normal and even without counting everything, they’d probably have enough for breakfast too). 

“Hey! You look tired, are you--did you want to get something to eat?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes--

The boy’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Did Hinata mess up? Oh he overstepped and now there really wasn’t any chance of getting to know him. Why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? Hinata had been asking himself that for a while now and he still had no answer. 

“I…I can’t. I need to go.” The boy turned and ran off before Hinata could ask more. He just kept messing up, didn’t he? Maybe he really was just a burden to Yuta and their dad and the restaurant owner. He shouldn’t have been born and Yuta would’ve been better off--

“Aniki! Sheesh, get your head out of the clouds. How much did we make?” Yuta grabbed the hat out of Hinata’s hand and quickly counted out the coins and bills. “Woah! We could eat a whole five course meal with this…” 

“Think with your head a little Yuta-kun. We’ve got breakfast paid for if we don’t blow it all tonight!” 

Yuta nodded before handing the hat back to Hinata. “So, my pick tonight?” 

--- 

Hinata signed the note, trying his best to keep the tears from dripping on it and smudging the ink. After his blunder with the red haired boy, he hadn’t shown up to their performances for over two months. Hinata was certain that he had messed up and was too forward. He didn’t even know the kid’s name! Why did he think the two of them could ever be friends? 

And on top of all of that, Yuta had become more and more distant from Hinata, as if Hinata just existing was dragging him back from his full potential. Yuta would have been better off as an only child and maybe Hinata deserved this life. Thirteen years living with their father, who had treated them as nothing but monsters, blaming them for their mother’s death and everything bad that had happened since, Hinata had resolved to run away. He’d make his way to the mountains and maybe he’d find someone willing to help him or maybe he’d slip into an endless sleep. 

Dear Yuta-kun, the letter had started. I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, but I know that I’m just a burden to you. I’m sorry for that. I wish I had more to say but I just want you to be happy and maybe father will treat you better without me. I love you. 

The other letter, already folded and placed on the table, was much shorter, addressed to his father. 

Dear Father, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better son. Please don’t take this out on Yuta-kun, it was my decision. 

The less words he spent on that man, the better. Hinata folded Yuta’s note and placed it on top before quietly exiting through the front door. 

---

Everything was cold. Hinata slumped against a tree, head between his knees in a last ditch effort to keep warm. Sleep should come soon and he could painlessly move on, at least that’s what he hoped. He barely registered someone approaching him, but didn’t look up. 

“Hey.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but where did he remember it from? A warm hand shook at Hinata’s shoulder. 

“‘M fine.” The words were barely a whisper. The other voice grunted before walking away. It was another minute before Hinata felt something drape around his shoulders and a cup shoved in his hand. Whatever was in it was steaming, warming his fingers. 

“Drink.” The voice said. And he did, the tea was very, very bitter. That voice… 

Hinata looked up, meeting a pair of bright, sky blue eyes. That’s where he recognized the voice from. Did he…live? In the mountains? The boy seemed to recognize him too. He was wearing a headband and what looked like very warm clothes that Hinata wished he had. Hinata finished the tea, trying not to focus on the flavor. It helped at least, in warming him up a bit. 

“Why are you here?” The boy finally spoke again. It sounded like he was unsure if he should be mad or concerned, or both, but he offered Hinata another cup of tea, which he accepted if only to warm his fingers up. He pulled the blanket closer around his body. 

“I…ran away.” Hinata looked downward, as if admitting this out loud was a cardinal sin. The boy gestured for him to continue. “I guess I just…I was dragging my brother down. I’m not really talented at anything like he is and I’m the reason our dad sees us as monsters. He shouldn’t have to deal with a brother like me.” Hinata wasn’t really sure why he was spilling this so easily. The boy was a good listener though, hanging on every word Hinata spoke. Was he shaking? He’d never admitted this out loud before and it felt oddly freeing to say it to someone. 

He waited for a response, anything to chase away the uncomfortable silence Hinata had created with his confession. He really fucked up, didn’t he. He should have just kept that to himself like he always did instead of burdening a stranger like this! 

“I…” The boy started, barely audible above Hinata’s racing heartbeat. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He sounded unsure of his words. Was he just trying to be nice? Of course he was, how else do you respond to a kid telling you something like this? 

“You don’t have to pretend.” 

“I’m not. When I saw you singing and dancing…I think I realized something--” The boy cut himself off, the suddenness of it making Hinata look up. A moment later he heard his brother calling out from the woods behind him. 

“Aniki! There you are!” Yuta tackled him to the ground, squeezing Hinata like he might just blow away in the wind if they weren’t careful. “You scared me! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!” 

Tears pricked at Hinata’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Yuta-kun. I’m really sorry.” He buried his face in Yuta’s jacket. His nose started to run, from the cold or the tears he couldn’t tell. 

“You aren’t a burden to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you around Aniki!” Yuta pulled back, hands gripping Hinata’s shoulders. “Promise you won’t do something that stupid again.” 

Hinata wiped the tears from his eyes, sparing a glance where the boy had been. It was as if he had never been there at all and Hinata had just hallucinated the whole interaction. He looked back at his twin brother. “I promise.” 

“Now let's get you home and warmed up. Where’d you get this blanket anyway? It doesn’t look like one of ours.” 

“I…” The boy had been real, and he told Hinata he was glad he was alive (even if his explanation was cut short by Hinata’s brother rushing in). “I guess I just found it. There must be people living nearby or something.” 

--- 

The chatter of the night club died down for the night as everyone was getting ready to go home. Hinata’s feet were sore from running around, but it was satisfying to be back in a restaurant like this. It reminded him of his childhood working for the Chinese restaurant with Yuta. 

Rinne, the leader of Crazy:B who had wanted to get closer to Hinata, and by extension 2wink, slid a drink down the bar. It looked like a horrible mix of syrups and club soda, but one sip was all it took for Hinata to drink it all down. 

“Great job tonight Hina! You’re a real natural at this stuff.” Rinne was washing the other glasses behind the bar now as Hinata finished the rest of his soda. 

“Yuta-kun and I used to work in a restaurant so it comes pretty naturally to us!” 

“That so?” 

“Mhm!” Hinata slid the empty glass back to Rinne, who quickly dumped the ice and washed it before tossing the towel over his shoulder. The entire week they’d been working the club together, there had been something bugging Hinata at the back of his mind. “Hey, Rinne-senpai…did you ever watch our shows?” 

“Huh? ‘Course I have, vice prez wants us to work together so I’ve seen a few of ‘em.” 

“That’s not what I mean. I mean like…back when Yuta-kun and I did street performances.” 

Rinne paused for a moment. “Why’re you askin’?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of someone who used to watch them.” 

“Well I’m sure whoever it was is proud to see you singin’ and dancin’ on stage.” Rinne had come around the bar and stood next to Hinata, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get goin’ or I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Niki-kun.” 

[clumsypuppy]

Atla live action 😐

[pureshoney]

"yeah, but i think that makes it all the more fun, for me at least," dylan hardly ever had the upper hand when it came to the couple. femme often resorts to a desperate, whimpering mess rather quickly anytime she tries to boss him around. so dylan intends to hold onto this for as long as possible. had been paying close attention to her friends while they spoke to keenan. of course, she didn't think it would be like rainbows and butterflies. still, there was a significant improvement from when they'd seen dylan show interest in him the first night they were at his bar, and the few times they'd gone after. and just as she had assumed, the boys were much nicer when conversing with him. despite the boys also being wealthy, they'd never really been as pretentious as her own friends could be sometimes. "i think he's bart jr., actually, so maybe his grandparents watched too much of the simpsons, i don't know when the show came out actually, her hands move to gently rub against his chest as she studies his facial expressions. while femme could tell he was still nervous, it didn't seem as intense as when they were in her house. couldn't tell if it was due to the joint or if it was because he'd noticed her friends weren't as bad as expected either way, she was happy that things were going well so far. "would you prefer i call you adorable then, baby? as pretty as a picture?" teases as she's moving back to rest her body in needle-thin heels. "got it," reaches over the bottles for the redbreast and opting for the macallan rare for herself and pouring both of them a drink. as she turns to hand it over to him, one of her friends come to whisper something in her ear. dylan shakes her head as the friend group begins moving away and into one of the bedrooms. attention returns to keenan, and offers him the glass. "they're gonna go do some …" sniffles to replace the word, which she'd declined partially because she wanted to be of sound mind to make sure keenan remained comfortable but also because she was still weary of the drug ever since the incident with jake. "let's go find somewhere to sit for a bit," laces her fingers with his and beginning to lead him toward the lounge area and opting for the couch facing away from the rest of the crowd. "i wanna sit on your lap."

"that's my point exactly — you've never had a bad surprise for me which makes me want to know about it even more. kinda cruel you brought it up right before we get here." and now he would spend the entire night wondering, knowing beneath that tight fitting dress that dylan's cunt was completely bare and likely dripping from the knowledge that she was toying with him. talking with her friends went smoother than he'd imagined, a little awkward and stilted in the beginning but what did he expect? they'd been suspicious of him, assuming keenan was after her money and nothing more — he couldn't wait to prove them all wrong. maybe when she's pregnant with their first child it would sink in for them that this was serious. the guys were more relaxed, the conversation flowing naturally even before he's had a chance to get himself a drink or settled in to the massive space. it was encouraging. "you think his parents watched a shit tonne of the simpsons and didn't want to be too obvious so they named him batholomew instead?" he couldn't help but be anxious, although the more time they spent around her friends the less self conscious he was becoming. he'd always have to hide a part of himself from them, the blood stained masks and wickedly sharp knives would be a secret he shares with only dylan. "cute? jesus, can't believe you called me cute", word spoken with playful disgust, shaking his head as she kisses his cheek. "whiskey? pretty sure i spot some redbreast hiding between those vodka bottles." his bar normally carried the more obtainable liquor, customers cared more about getting drunk than actually enjoying what they were drinking. here it was completely different, there were labels keenan couldn't even read, french or some other fancy language.

[just-let-me-see-accounts]

Anyway the post I wanted to reblog was about making a bootable usb with persistence! It's essentially a little computer hosted on the usb, and can be run on almost any laptop/computer with a USB port. Download Windows on that USB, Linux Mint, Ubuntu, anything you want! You could even download multiple OSes if you use a multi boot creator (and you have enough space)!

You can go to pendrivelinux and use the Yumi creator (Your USB Multiboot Installer). There are even guides on there for how to download various OSes, though the basic rules should be the same. Plus, you can always use guides from other sites and other installers!

Personally, I plan to use Mint once I get a new USB (I need a new one for various reasons). I'm going to put Mint Cinnamon version on there (it's the most popular) and try to download it onto my laptop as well. My laptop is slow though so if that doesn't pan out I'll use the XFCE version since it's very light weight and uses little resources!

Here is a guide for installing Mint via Yumi and Here is Mint's guide to verifying the integrity and authenticity of the iso you download.

[rigelmejo]

2-4-2025 updates:

Japanese Study Plans in the Long Term:

I'm glad I'm done with glossika japanese. I think it was mostly a waste of time. But at least I've confirmed it to myself ToT. To do, eventually: listen to japanese stuff! I'm listening to Final Fantasy X and Death Note japanese on and off right now, and Nihongo Con Teppei and Comprehensible Japanese youtube. And lets plays. I am not focusing on japanese lately though.

As a note, I do find 2 to 5 word phrases easier to understand in Japanese lately, like in listening to Death Note or playing Yakuza 7 Like a Dragon and listening to the dialogue. It's sort of where my Chinese skill felt when I could start to follow regular everyday topic main ideas because of key words. I can pick out that Death Note is saying "god, world is boring, you're home, interesting, people think that..., the police... the suspect is located at..." a bunch of phrase chunks that in combination with a visual on screen or my memory of the plot, is enough to follow what is going on. I am not sure if this improvement in understanding is due to anything new glossika taught me, or more likely if it's just because using glossika japanese meant I listened to japanese for 128 hours because of it. I think it's more that I have just listened to japanese more. I also think, picking up new words from context, is definitely easier if you already know the media/plot of the thing you're using to pick up words from. With Chinese, I re-watched Guardian and Word of Honor a LOT in chinese after watching with english subs the first time, and knowing the plot already definitely helped me learn more words in my chinese rewatches.

Chinese Listening and Dreaming Spanish Experiment:

I am focusing on chinese listening, with a goal of 1 hour listening a day or more. So far I am easily hitting this goal, and sometimes listening for over 1 hour (2-4 hours). I have been listening to MoDu by priest audiobook - with a personal challenge to listen to the whole audiobook before March 7 when the cdrama comes back! It will be fun to see how much more I can understand by the end of the audiobook. Right now I'm being a perfectionist, and I've been relistening to the first 5 chapters all week in an attempt to first recognize every single scene I'm listening to, then catch as many word meanings as I can per scene. Which yes, I realize is an endless task, and I should just move onto the next chapters soon. I have to fight those perfectionist tendencies! I can actually listen to the audio drama fairly well (in terms of recognizing scenes I'm listening to), so I'm partly using the audiobook because there's more unknown words to hear and therefore more unknown words to learn, and partly because if I tune out when listening I can do that during the description parts (such as when working on emails) and focus more during the dialogues which I understand more of.

(A note if you listen to MoDu like me: 1. the audiobook is online on ximalaya, and bilibili. 2. the audio drama is english subbed on youtube i think, if that's what you're looking for. 3. I think I'm recognizing as many words as I am because I have read MoDu in english, and the first 20 chapters in chinese, before. So I remember a lot of particular details and names, that helps me recognize what scenes I'm listening to).

I've also been listening to The Untamed condensed audio, which is much easier for me to follow most of the words. I recently studied 500 most common chinese words in Clozemaster, and it was very easy, and as far as I can tell my memory of words is still very good if I can see the hanzi and it's in a short sentence. It's in longer sentences (novels) and in longer sentences with only audio where I'm failing to recognize words I 'know from studying.' So I am guessing it's more useful to me to listen a ton to regular stuff, rather than drill learning materials. I hope that guess is right: because yes I could drill learning materials and review the things I know... which would be the easier thing. Instead, I'm hoping what I know just comes back after enough listening.

I am using all this listening practice to test out some of the experiences people share about doing Dreaming Spanish on r/dreamingspanish on reddit. Both 'purists' (people who only study DS exactly as recommended, with comprehensible input lessons and podcasts and no translations/look ups), and non-purists (people who studied Spanish in classes previously, look up word translations, use anki or other study notes), on the dreamingspanish subreddit mention their progress in how much what they can understand increases every few hundred hours. I want to compare the improvements I see in my own understanding after listening to chinese for 200-400 hours, to what non-purist DS learners see in terms of improvement in that time. I am comparing myself to intermediate DS learners, as I am not going to go back to the basics with Chinese and watch basic childrens-videos and comprehensible input videos. I already know enough chinese to read novels and watch shows to a overall-understanding of main-plot, so I want to compare myself to say a Spanish DS learner who already learned to read news articles/watch cartoons for kids in Spanish and then keeps listening.

My prediction: I predict vocabulary wise: that the first 100 hours of listening to chinese more, what will happen is the words I 'know from studying' get easier to recognize when listening at natural speed. Then from 200-300 hours, those words will be easier to recognize without me also thinking of the english translation. Then 300-400 hours+, I'll start learning some of the surrounding words from context. Overall comprehension wise: I think the first 100 hours of listening I will get better at comprehending isolated phrases and words, and pieces of full dialogue, enough to piece together more of what is happening each scene (which is currently where I'm at). Somewhere between 100-200 hours, after I find all overall scenes easier to recognize, I'll start understanding some full lines/full clauses, enough to pick out some specific details in each scene (such as longer appearance descriptions, if specific evidence items are described, if someone does a specific set of actions like chase then hit someone then duck). And then after 200 hours? I do not know because presumably, I'll be recognizing most of the words I 'know from studying' by then at a faster rate, so I imagine following the full plot and details will get much easier.

Somewhat unrelated, I was reading Dreaming Spanish's suggestion on how to use their lessons if you already know another romance lesson. And I found the tips could apply to me studying Spanish, or French (even though I'd argue I only 'partly' know French since I learned to read but never to fucking listen or speak etc). I know enough French to... listen to a lot of Spanish learner podcasts for beginners and understand nearly everything. I can read Spanish nonfiction like the linguistics textbook I have no problem, or wikipedia articles. I can understand Intermediate Dreaming Spanish videos no problem. I know I don't actually know a ton of words in spanish, but I can coast on understanding cognates and the broader subject something is about to guess what some details mean. My understanding of conversational Spanish is much worse - if I watch a TV show, there's a ton of words I don't know, and if a podcast goes from discussing everyday-life topics to something new I am lost, if a nonfiction topic has latin cognates I'm fine or if it's on a topic I'm already familiar with, but if it's an unknown nonfiction topic to me (like knitting) then if there's no visuals for me to look at - I'll have no idea what's being said. Dreaming Spanish's suggestion for people who already knew a romance language was to: watch intermediate Dreaming Spanish lessons if desired, Advanced lessons if the intermediate were too boring, and to watch nonfiction videos on youtube such as Ted talks about topics you're already familiar with, and vlogs on topics you're familiar with. You may need the beginner videos for the first 100 hours to get used to the new pronunciation and connecting words (or 200 hours if it's French or Portuguese), but after that you should recognize cognate words enough to move onto intermediate lessons with less pictures/slow speech, childrens cartoons, and nonfiction videos on topics you're familiar with (probably because some nonfiction has more cognates, and regardless if you're familiar with the topic you'll understand the context of what those words are being used to explain). So when I tried Dreaming Spanish a few months ago... I was right with my instinct to maybe just listen to intermediate/beginner videos, then jump to some other Spanish language stuff outside of lessons.

Now if only I could figure out how to use Comprehensible Input French (youtube) lessons to fill in my gap between French reading skill and almost 0 listening or speaking skills. T-T My gut says the strategy here would be to build from the ground up... with beginner A1 lessons, even though I can understand the B1 lessons. Because I need to correct a TON of my mental pronunciation models of words and sentences, and I want to make sure I correct a ton of the basic stuff. On the other hand... in theory, once I got used to French pronunciation (which could take 100 hours of beginning listening), I don't see why improving my French listening wouldn't work just like my Chinese listening. And with Chinese listening, I'm going right to listening to intermediate stuff that is the kind of stuff I can read. But - with Chinese I was listening from the beginning when I studied, even though my reading skills improved faster than listening, I was always listening to cdramas. With French I barely did any listening... ever. So I think there's a decent possibility French listening skills may require considerably more time to build up from the basics, compared to Chinese.

Current Study Habits:

I start work, and some time at work I start playing MoDu audiobook if work is slow. If work is busy, I start playing MoDu during lunch. Resulting in at least 1 hour listened to per work day. Then if I play video games, I press play on MoDu again (usually re-listening to chapters I've listened to recently, hence why I keep listening to the same stuff over and over...) and listen while I'm grinding levels in my video game. This adds another 30 minutes to 2 hours of listening, since I am pausing MoDu whenever the video game has a cutscene or it's own voiced dialogue. If I was commuting, or going out to run errands, I'd also listen to MoDu during at least one of the travel trips (so another 15-30 minutes), or The Untamed condensed audio.

I am hoping this will add up to 30 hours a month, or 60 hours a month if I'm lucky... and I guess 120 hours if I somehow actually managed to do a ton of it, but being realistic I don't think I should assume more than 30 hours a month when trying to make a habit of it. If I'm going to listen to the whole MoDu book before March 7 I need to kick it into gear... there's a lot of chapters and at 10-20 minutes a chapter... (lets say 45 hours for the whole book at least...)

[madlori]

My ankle journey

I am sharing this with all you good people on the dash because I am so fucking mad it took so long for me to learn it and if I can spare one (1) person the agony it will be worth it.

So for like...oh, 8 or 9 months, I've been struggling with pain/inflammation/tendinitis in my left Achilles tendon. I don't know what caused it. It just started up (welcome to middle age, this shit happens). It wasn't severe enough to be debilitating, but it was annoying and limiting. It was also intermittent, in that some days it would be very painful and other days hardly at all. The kind of shoe I was wearing affected it a lot.

Now, I have bone spurs on both heels (it's just a thing that happens as you get older sometimes). I'm also aware that heel pain is usually the result of tight calf muscles that pull and irritate the tendon. I tried stretching that calf muscle. You know the stretch, this bitch right here:

I did it all the time. I also iced the ankle after walking for awhile, hoping to avoid inflammation. Results were...unsatisfying.

I went to:

A chiropractor

A podiatrist

A physical therapist

A bodywork coach

They all gave me some variation on the "strengthen your calf muscle, stretch your calf muscle" advice. I continued doing this without results.

I was getting frustrated, and a little afraid that this was just my life now. Finally, I thought...maybe some targeted massage might help. I asked for rec on a local FB site and was pointed to a woman who specializes in therapeutic massage including cupping, etc.

I went to her a week ago.

She spent over half our first session working on my left lower leg. Within about 10 minutes of making my eyes water, she uttered the sentence I did not know I had been waiting to hear:

"Oh, it's your soleus."

Excuse me, what?

"It's your soleus that's the culprit. It's all tied up and stiff." She started digging into it and I felt literal sparks run up my leg as she released adhesions and got the muscle moving a little. When she finally put the leg down, it felt like it was on fire with all the blood rushing into it.

She said, "You'll need to stretch your soleus. It'll clear up, but it'll take a bit of time - tendons take ages to heal."

But I HAVE been stretching.

"No, you haven't. The usual straight-leg calf stretch only stretches the gastrocnemius, that's the big belly muscle in your calf. That's not your problem. That stretch doesn't stretch the soleus. Don't worry, I'll show you how to stretch it."

My mind is spinning.

So here are the muscles in question:

The gastroc (as the pros call it) just attaches down the back but the soleus runs underneath it from the knee around the side to the heel. The lower part above the ankle is where it typically gets tight and forms adhesions.

To stretch it, you do the same calf thing where you put your foot back and press your heel to the ground, but you have to do it with your KNEE BENT:

The bent knee keeps the gastroc from engaging. It's one of those selfish muscles (like traps) - if you give it an inch, it'll just take over and prevent other muscles from working or stretching. There are other ways to stretch the soleus but this is the easiest and you can literally do it anywhere. I've been doing it while standing and waiting for things (the elevator to come, the toast to toast). You just put the heel back and bend the knee. It's kind of like curtseying.

The minute I did this stretch, I could FEEL where it was pulling on my tendon. I knew that THIS had been the problem.

The massage therapist also told me to stop icing my heel. She said icing is for an acute injury, but a more chronic aggravation needs heat, to increase blood flow for healing. She recommended elevation with heat every day (I've been doing it in bed during "phone before bed" time).

I have been doing the soleus stretch at least half a dozen times a day for almost a week, and the ankle is at least 70% better. It is still a little tight and tender, but the improvement is significant. I think a few more weeks will have it feeling normal.

I am...blown away by this. This massage therapist was able to pinpoint an issue in only a few minutes that eluded all the other professionals I saw. I can't wait to go back to her and have her solve all my other problems, tbh.

[illycanary]

Katara's Story Is A Tragedy and It's Not An Accident

I was a teenaged girl when Avatar: The Last Airbender aired on Nickelodeon—the group that the show’s creators unintentionally hit while they were aiming for the younger, maler demographic. Nevermind that we’re the reason the show’s popularity caught fire and has endured for two decades; we weren’t the audience Mike and Bryan wanted. And by golly, were they going to make sure we knew it. They’ve been making sure we know it with every snide comment and addendum they’ve made to the story for the last twenty years.

For many of us girls who were raised in the nineties and aughts, Katara was a breath of fresh air—a rare opportunity in a media market saturated with boys having grand adventures to see a young woman having her own adventure and expressing the same fears and frustrations we were often made to feel. 

We were told that we could be anything we wanted to be. That we were strong and smart and brimming with potential. That we were just as capable as the boys. That we were our brothers’ equals. But we were also told to wash dishes and fold laundry and tidy around the house while our brothers played outside. We were ignored when our male classmates picked teams for kickball and told to go play with the girls on the swings—the same girls we were taught to deride if we wanted to be taken seriously. We were lectured for the same immaturity that was expected of boys our age and older, and we were told to do better while also being told, “Boys will be boys.” Despite all the platitudes about equality and power, we saw our mothers straining under the weight of carrying both full-time careers and unequally divided family responsibilities. We sensed that we were being groomed for the same future. 

And we saw ourselves in Katara. 

Katara begins as a parentified teenaged girl: forced to take on responsibility for the daily care of people around her—including male figures who are capable of looking after themselves but are allowed to be immature enough to foist such labor onto her. She does thankless work for people who take her contributions for granted. She’s belittled by people who love her, but don’t understand her. She’s isolated from the world and denied opportunities to improve her talents. She's told what emotions she's allowed to feel and when to feel them. In essence, she was living our real-world fear: being trapped in someone else’s narrow, stultifying definition of femininity and motherhood. 

Then we watched Katara go through an incredible journey of self-determination and empowerment. Katara goes from being a powerless, fearful victim to being a protector, healer, advocate, and liberator to others who can’t do those things for themselves (a much truer and more fulfilling definition of nurturing and motherhood). It’s necessary in Katara’s growth cycle that she does this for others first because that is the realm she knows. She is given increasingly significant opportunities to speak up and fight on behalf of others, and that allows her to build those advocacy muscles gradually. But she still holds back her own emotional pain because everyone that she attempts to express such things to proves they either don't want to deal with it or they only want to manipulate her feelings for their own purposes. 

Katara continues to do much of the work we think of as traditionally maternal on behalf of her friends and family over the course of the story, but we do see that scale gradually shift. Sokka takes on more responsibility for managing the group’s supplies, and everyone helps around camp, but Katara continues to be the manager of everyone else’s emotions while simultaneously punching down her own. The scales finally seem to tip when Zuko joins the group. With Zuko, we see someone working alongside Katara doing the same tasks she is doing around camp for the first time. Zuko is also the only person who never expects anything of her and whose emotions she never has to manage because he’s actually more emotionally stable and mature than she is by that point. And then, Katara’s arc culminates in her finally getting the chance to fully seize her power, rewrite the story of the traumatic event that cast her into the role of parentified child, be her own protector, and freely express everything she’s kept locked away for the sake of letting everyone else feel comfortable around her. Then she fights alongside an equal partner she knows she can trust and depend on through the story's climax. And for the first time since her mother’s death, the girl who gives and gives and gives while getting nothing back watches someone sacrifice everything for her. But this time, she’s able to change the ending because her power is fully realized. The cycle was officially broken.

Katara’s character arc was catharsis at every step. If Katara could break the mold and recreate the ideas of womanhood and motherhood in her own image, so could we. We could be powerful. We could care for ourselves AND others when they need us—instead of caring for everyone all the time at our own expense. We could have balanced partnerships with give and take going both ways (“Tui and La, push and pull”), rather than the, “I give, they take,” model we were conditioned to expect. We could fight for and determine our own destiny—after all, wasn’t destiny a core theme of the story?

Yes. Destiny was the theme. But the lesson was that Katara didn’t get to determine hers. 

After Katara achieves her victory and completes her arc, the narrative steps in and smacks her back down to where she started. For reasons that are never explained or justified, Katara rewards the hero by giving into his romantic advances even though he has invalidated her emotions, violated her boundaries, lashed out at her for slights against him she never committed, idealized a false idol of her then browbeat her when she deviated from his narrative, and forced her to carry his emotions and put herself in danger when he willingly fails to control himself—even though he never apologizes, never learns his lesson, and never shows any inclination to do better. 

And do better he does not.

The more we dared to voice our own opinions on a character that was clearly meant to represent us, the more Mike and Bryan punished Katara for it.

Throughout the comics, Katara makes herself smaller and smaller and forfeits all rights to personal actualization and satisfaction in her relationship. She punches her feelings down when her partner neglects her and cries alone as he shows more affection and concern for literally every other girl’s feelings than hers. She becomes cowed by his outbursts and threats of violence. Instead of rising with the moon or resting in the warmth of the sun, she learns to stay in his shadow. She gives up her silly childish dreams of rebuilding her own dying culture’s traditions and advocating for other oppressed groups so that she can fulfill his wishes to rebuild his culture instead—by being his babymaker. Katara gave up everything she cared about and everything she fought to become for the whims of a man-child who never saw her as a person, only a possession.

Then, in her old age, we get to watch the fallout of his neglect—both toward her and her children who did not meet his expectations. By that point, the girl who would never turn her back on anyone who needed her was too far gone to even advocate for her own children in her own home. And even after he’s gone, Katara never dares to define herself again. She remains, for the next twenty-plus years of her life, nothing more than her husband's grieving widow. She was never recognized for her accomplishments, the battles she won, or the people she liberated. Even her own children and grandchildren have all but forgotten her. She ends her story exactly where it began: trapped in someone else’s narrow, stultifying definition of femininity and motherhood.

The story’s theme was destiny, remember? But this story’s target audience was little boys. Zuko gets to determine his own destiny as long as he works hard and earns it. Aang gets his destiny no matter what he does or doesn’t do to earn it. And Katara cannot change the destiny she was assigned by gender at birth, no matter how hard she fights for it or how many times over she earns it. 

Katara is Winston Smith, and the year is 1984. It doesn’t matter how hard you fight or what you accomplish, little girl. Big Brother is too big, too strong, and too powerful. You will never escape. You will never be free. Your victories are meaningless. So stay in your place, do what you’re told, and cry quietly so your tears don’t bother people who matter.

I will never get over it. Because I am Katara. And so are my friends, sisters, daughters, and nieces. But I am not content to live in Bryke's world.

I will never turn my back on people who need me. Including me.

[tarotbydelilah444]

PAC • what is manifesting for you

pile one

angel numbers

111

888

444

777

222

what’s manifesting…

Abundance in all forms is coming your way. You have unexpected windfalls of money that is coming in. I intuitively heard, “Fuck Up Some Commas” by Future. This could be a tax return, refund check, settlement, inheritance, return on investments, or a loan being repaid. Whatever it is, you have definitely been waiting on this for a while. Make sure you spend it wisely!

Starting your influencer journey. You may start an influencer/lifestyle channel. Do it! You will receive so many followers and views.

Gaining happy weight. Your body is filling out and going in all the right places. You will definitely appreciate and love the appearance of your body. Realizing that you're "that girl".

Starting your own garden. Growing fruits, vegetables, and herbs.

Becoming a plant mom or spending more time in nature.

• Trying new products for your hair and skin and seeing amazing results.

The months of May and September are of significance. Autumn is also of significance.

• If you’ve been thinking about changing your appearance, go for it! This applies to you if you want to dye your hair, specifically red, or even straighten your hair for the first time. A silk press or perming your hair is of significance.

• Someone that you blocked or in a no-contact situation with could be lurking on your social media. You know exactly who this person is. They still have feelings for you, or they still in their feelings about you blocking or ignoring them.

MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY. Your confidence will be improving. “And to me, you are the star of the show still”. You are officially God’s favorite and the universe will be showering you with nothing, but blessings on top of blessings. Be open to receive and give thanks to the most high for these blessings. This is your time to shine and thrive because everyone is watching you, yes, even your HATERS. Everything about you is so magnetic and contagious right now, so be mindful of who you are letting in your space at this time because you definitely got some people trying to block your shine, trying to talk shit, and even sending you the evil eye to block your blessings, but know that you are protected and no harm shall touch you. 

Changing your eating habits. This could be dieting, fasting, or even being more mindful of what you are consuming. Working on that summer body!

• Learning new cooking recipes rather than eating out all the time. You could find new recipes on TikTok that you've been wanting to try out. Nara Smith could be of significance.

• If you are single, new love is coming in. This could be a soulmate connection, especially, if you've been trying to manifest in your soulmate. The wait is over and there is no need to look any further because this person is coming in sooner than you think. This person may be an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, or Taurus, or could have these placements in their big three. They are very attractive, confident, friendly, creative, passionate, nurturing, and fun-loving. They could be younger than you or they could be a bit immature. Your advice is to allow yourself to be open to receiving this love and give this person a chance. Do not allow past experiences to rob you of this beautiful opportunity. "Love Like This," by Faith Evans is what I intuitively heard. For others, you got options, babyyy! You have so many people who are attracted to you and ready to shoot their shot and risk it all. "I'm here for a good time, not a long time" is your mantra. Right now, you are perfectly content with just exploring your options and having some fun. Take if it resonates, but some of you are discovering yourself, as it pertains to your sexuality, and others are becoming more comfortable in how you express your sensuality. Overall, you have good sex coming your way, so make sure you take precautions. I am sensing heavy fertility energy in your reading.

If you recently applied for an internship or scholarship, you will hear good news regarding this within the next few days or three to six months from now. Nursing could be of significance.

Receiving an invitation. This could be an invitation to a birthday party, baby shower, graduation, concert, trip, or some type of event/celebration. It will be fun and I see you enjoying yourself, if you decide to go. This definitely applies if you are an introvert, you are being encouraged to get out more and say “yes” to new opportunities and experiences that are heading your way. Time to get out of your comfort zone!

• Making birthday plans, especially, if you are a Pisces, Aries, Taurus, or Gemini.

• Tapping into your creative energy. If you have been thinking about starting a business or working on a new or old project, it’s time to START RIGHT NOW! I intuitively channeled that clip of Kim K, saying "Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Work". This may be a passion project or even you discovering a new hobby that has piqued your interest. Whatever it is, nurture it and watch out for how abundant and prosperous, it can become. It's time for you to share this idea, business, or project with the world because it will receive so much recognition, praise, and attention, especially if it's related to beauty or fashion.

keywords: glow up, Obsessed by Mariah Carey, abundance mindset, "patience, young grasshopper", Sum 2 Prove by Lil Baby, the world is yours, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper, "My vibe right now is just living life", How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Blessings by Big Sean ft Drake, All Eyez on Me by 2Pac, having my way, YOLO, Valentine's Day, Congratulations by Post Malone ft Quavo, new character development, going viral, five-star b*tch, All I Do is Win by DJ Khaled ft T-Pain, Snoop Dogg, Ludacris, monitoring spirits, Cocky Af by Megan Thee Stallion, destiny swapping, Pretty Girl Rock by Keri Hilson, soft girl life, Work Bitch by Britney Spears, high maintenance, Get It Sexyy by Sexyy Red, losing your virginity, I Am Woman by Emmy Meli, Korean skincare, life feeling like a movie, pilates princess, Git Up, Git Our by OutKast, "baby, you summertime fine", gang-stalking, Look At Me Now by Chris Brown ft Busta Rhymes & Lil Wayne, brand deals, "young, hot, and turnt, TGFI by Glorilla, Shining by Dj Khaled ft Jay-Z & Beyonce, romantizing my life, Stay Schemin by Rick Ross ft Drake & French Montana, buying a rose vibrator, Excuse Me Miss by Jay-Z ft Pharrell, Brokey by Latto, “let me give her a new style, a new hair-do, a new cut, a new color”

affirmations to affirm

"I am intelligent"

"Life is beautiful"

"I am beautiful"

pile two

angel numbers

333 666 888 444 111

what's manifesting...

You may have gone through a rough time or felt like it's you against the world for some time. You've learned harsh, yet valuable lessons and managed to overcome each obstacle and challenge that has come your way. "Everything happens for a reason". The Universe is so proud of you and is ready to reward you for your resilience, bravery, patience, and perseverance during this time. Things will begin to make sense and finally shift in your favor very soon. The storm is finally over!

A solo trip. I channeled Paris, Mexico, or Italy. If it's not these specific places, it will definitely be somewhere overseas. You want to get away to clear your mind. I intuitively heard, "reset button".

Learning how to detach and move away from things that no longer serve you. You no longer want to entertain and engage in/with low-vibrational things, people, and situations that subtract from you rather than add to you. "It ain't nothing to cut that b*tch off" is what I channeled. LOL, you guys are truly over the bullshit and are choosing to protect your peace by removing yourself from unnecessary stress and drama. It hasn't been easy, but these changes are necessary, for new things to come towards you.

Wanting to change your number. "New number, who dis". You are being more selective of who you allow access to you. You could be de-cluttering your phone by deleting old numbers and texts.

A passed-on loved one watches over you and constantly sends you signs from Heaven. They actively try to communicate with you through synchronicities and send you messages in your dreams to get your attention. They act as a guardian angel, always guiding you and protecting you from harm, both physical and spiritual.

The months of February, May, and August are of significance.

A new job or job offer is coming in, especially, if you've been applying non-stop or waiting for a response about a position. Make sure to stay vigilant and check your emails, junk mail, and messages, and answer phone calls because they may come in unexpectedly. This can also apply if you applied for an internship.

Tapping more into spirituality and leaning more into your spiritual abilities. You will find it easier to trust your intuition as a guide as well as see and trust in the signs and synchronicities that the Divine sends to you to assist you on your journey, especially when you are feeling confused or lost. Lots of praying, meditating, connecting with the elements, practicing gratitude, shadow work, and visualization. You may even find it much easier to manifest.

Finding or changing your style or aesthetic. "A new era of me".

If you recently went no-contact or blocked communication with someone, this person has been thinking about you a lot. You and this person share a karmic connection. They may have Gemini, Aquarius, or Pisces placements in their big three. Further characteristics: hazel eyes, average height, Asian, brown or darker complexion.

If you struggle with any health issues, you will make a speedy recovery, as long as you remain consistent with your health regime. You are learning how to prioritize yourself rather than choosing to ignore them for a change, through radical self-care and mindfulness. Replacing bad habits with good habits. Taking responsibility for your health, no more victim mentality.

Working and improving your credit score. You are becoming more frugal or mindful of where you are spending your money. Learning how to budget and how to invest in stocks. Paying off your debts.

Becoming more organized and being able to accomplish and deal with things with ease. Moving with intention.

Setting boundaries and being comfortable with saying "no". You guys are finally putting yourself first, for the first time in a long time. You are no longer interested in being a "people pleaser" and are focusing on only pleasing and accepting yourself. I channeled, "Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved". Not playing "captain- save-a-hoe anymore". The solar plexus chakra is very strong in your messages.

Shifting your mindset and learning how to be mindful of what you are thinking. Learning how to observe your thoughts rather than attaching meaning to them. Gaining control over your mind and thoughts.

keywords: protecting my peace, law of attraction, the art of detachment, I Wish You Roses by Kali Uchis, DND mode, Joy & Pain by Maze ft Franke Beverely, "It's above me Now", The Pressure by Jhene Aiko, actions speak louder than words, Free by 6lack, entering my villain era, Access Denied by Lucky Daye ft Ari Lennox, divinely protected, Female Energy by Willow "it's in me, not on me", spring cleaning, Bounce Back by Big Sean, me vs me, "I am the master of my fate", self-improvement books, epiphanies & realizations, Level Up by Ciara, herbalism, "I got to put me first", Do Not Disturb by Drake, in my healing era, medicine woman, "I forgive, but I don't forget", Not My Problem by Laila!, the path of self-discovery, phoenix rising from the ashes, Ambience by Nia Sultana, finding your voice, After the Storm by Kali Uchis ft Tyler the Creator, out of sight, out of mind, M.I.A, year of the snake, "no mean no", enlightenment, expand your consciousness, Surrender by Jhene Aiko ft Dr. Chill, too much static, return to sender, Fuck the World (Summer in London) by Brent Faiyaz, being tested, Silent Hill by Kendrick Lamar ft Kodak Black, the five clairs, sink or swim, Spider-Man Superman by Drake ft PartyNextDoor, "come correct or don't come at all", fuck around and find out, mental clarity, thrift shopping, standards going up, G.O.M.D by J.Cole, None of Your Concern by Jhene Aiko ft Big Sean, 0 to 100 by Drake, "didn't tell I was a savage", I Don't Fuck With You by Big Sean ft E-40, rebirth, Prada Process Guapdad 4000 ft 6LACK

affirmations to affirm

"I have a beautiful life"

"I am in control of my destiny"

I know my value and I add tax"

pile three

Disclaimer: Tumblr has a limit on the amount of songs you can add, so the rest of the channeled songs will be typed out.

Never Be Yours - Kali Uchis Burning - Tems Lucky Girl - Carlina

angel numbers

555 222 888 1010 111 /1111

what's manifesting...

Receiving recognition or having a viral moment. I channeled "overnight success/sensation". You or something is finally receiving its flowers after a long time of going unnoticed.

Wanting or getting a piercing.

Adopting a new pet.

Reconnecting with your inner child by following your passions and childhood dreams. Enjoying activities that you enjoyed in your childhood.

Volunteering. You could be working with children.

If you are experiencing family issues, there will be some type of resolution or mediation. "Waiving the white flag" is what I heard. For others, you could spend more time with your grandparents, especially since they are getting older.

Experiencing shifts in your friendship circle. The snakes in the grass are revealing themselves. Using your intuition to help guide you on who needs to be removed. " Not everyone can come along with you on this next phase of your journey". Don't worry though because you are meeting new people that are in alignment with you and your path.

People from your past will be resurfacing. This could be old friends or an old love interest. However, I strongly sense that this is the energy of an old love interest. This person could be Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, or Cancer. This person is missing you real bad. They constantly replay the last encounter with you in their head like a broken record. They cannot get off their mind, no matter how much they've tried to, everything reminds them of you, especially if this a no-contact situation. I am intuitively hearing, "Missing You" by John Waite. This person looks at your photos a lot at night. They definitely relieve themselves to your photos and have flashbacks of the "intimate" moments that you two shared together. I received the "twin flame" card twice in the reading, so this is confirmation if were looking for a sign. This person wants to communicate with you and tell you how they truly feel about you. Apply if it resonates, but they are tired of running away from this connection and are realizing that they still love you or have fallen in love with you, and are hoping that you will grant them a second chance when the time is right. For some, they may even ask you out on a date. Further confirmations: Hispanic / Latino / Latina, curly or wavy textured hair, hazel eyes, and piercings.

Receiving calls or messages from unknown numbers.

If you are doubting if you are on the right path, 222 is confirmation that you are on the right path and that you are right where you are supposed to be.

Maturing. You are growing out of certain things that no longer resonate with you. Some of you may have experienced or are currently experiencing a spiritual awakening. Everything is shifting for your highest purpose, so don't panic or resist! You are no longer interested in repeating the same cycles.

The months of March, June, July, August, and October are of significance relating to your manifestations.

Good news about an interview or a deal. This can apply if you have aspirations of becoming a singer or pursuing a career in the creative field.

A new car. For some, this could be your first car, and for others, you could be passing your driver's test, getting your driver's license or your driving skills improving.

Going out on more dates. This could either be solo dates or allowing yourself to be wined and dined by others.

A mentor.

Enrolling in school to further your education or to earn a certification/license. If you are currently enrolled in school, your grades will improve and you will pass your courses. For others, yes, you will graduate, just stay focused and continue to study and work hard. This applies if you are studying for exams or a standardized test as well, you will get the results that you are seeking. An acceptance letter.

You will be more confident in sharing your talent with the world. You are beginning to believe in yourself and you are ready to share your talents with the world. You were meant to stand out and inspire others, you have so many people that look up or will look up to you as inspiration. "Allow me to reintroduce myself" is what I heard.

The ability to speak your manifestations into existence is becoming more powerful and potent. Remember that there is power in the tongue, so make sure, you are using it wisely. I also channeled that some of you are listening to subliminals to help you attract and manifest your "dream life", and receive your desired results.

keywords: What About Your Friends by TLC, having flashbacks, Can't Get Over You by Maze ft Frankie Beverly, true colors, "I want that old thing back", butterfly cycle, follow your dreams, "You complete me" (Jerry Maguire), close mouth don't get feed, Express Yourself by Charles Wright, Sparkle (movie), No Frauds by Nicki Minaj ft Drake & Lil Wayne, look how far you come (looking through old photos), Break My Soul by Beyonce, facing and overcoming your fears, Same Ol' Mistakes by Rihanna, the world is your oyster, Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z ft Alicia Keys, Lakshmi, it was all a dream, God's Plan by Drake, focus on the vision, Dedication by Nipsey Hussle, power of the mind, Glamorous by Fergie ft Ludacris, out with old, in with the new, 7 rings by Ariana Grande, the people's princess, New Level by A$AP Ferg, investing in yourself, honor roll, valedictorian, Roar by Katy Perry, runner & chaser dynamic, Live Your Life by T.I. ft Rihanna, trash taking itself out, Make Me Proud by Drake ft Nicki Minaj, "with great power comes with great responsibility", listening to subliminals, Motivation (Cardi B clip), "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade", Complicated by Nivea

affirmations to affirm

"I am proud of all my accomplishments"

"I am high frequency"

"I am standing in my power"

[sxorpiomooon]

What is 2025 going to be like for you? A pac reading

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Pile 1-

oooo you are going to be in your divine feminine era the ones who are trying to get pregnant might receive good news this year! However there's an evil man that I'm sensing that you must be careful about 🙏 this man is devil incarnate 🙏 ain't gonna do y'all any good to waste your time on this man and it won't be good. Now this is the fun part there's gonna be two guys and there will be a test and one of them is going to be a guy that I've told you about earlier and the other one will be completely opposite- will love to spoil you, very successful and well reputed, business and money minded, very stable, patient and gives you the princess treatment. It's almost as if you have to recognise and be precise about what you want. Lord I also think you guys might marry this guy or this will be very long term. The entire spread makes sense now my pile one choose wisely and you'll be set for life.

Pile 2-

Good year career wise and socially. I see you guys meeting new people and having fulfilling experiences with them. I keep hearing "fill your own cup" this pile will attend alot of parties or social gatherings this year and guess what you'll be the star of each and every one of them. You will meet new people that will turn out wonderful for you and you will go to new places too for some reason I'm seeing alot of travelling as well. You will also de well creatively this year are some of y'all sag risings in solar return lmao alot of travelling and spirituality. You will be making very significant and big amount of progress in your life whether it's going to be in the friendship aka personal sector or the professional sector. Alot of you have these shit on vision board bc I'm having visions. Alot of you will travel overseas I'm seeing crossing a river or ocean.

Pile 3-

This pile seems very exhausted with themselves especially of the mistakes that they've made or make so much that they almost wait for them to happen now. This year's gonna be chill for you guys it might start with you guys being bored actually the first half you might be more onto observing other people and what's happening I'm seeing y'all chugging alot of liquid and drinks this year tho? Very hydrated the body is going to look fabulous. Oooo there might be a focus on eating and drinking healthy I'm seeing matcha y'all got that grey clothes vision boards LmAAAAO those apple headphones😭😭😭. However I'd wish for you guys to use more kinder language with yourself? And I understand that discipline is important but discipline does not mean torturing yourself. Give yourself some breaks and don't get too obsessed with the idea of something. Learn to let go of it a little bit and have it chase after you I heard focus on the progress not on the result. This year you are going to make great progress tho I actually see you guys checking out your boxes and finding out that you've actually fulfilled all of your new years resolution. Huge self improvement this year. You go pile three!!!

[yinemw]

𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

context: taking a bath with bf Viktor (gender neutral reader) I’d also like to add that this is my first time writing for a disabled character. Personally I’m not disabled so I wouldn’t know how that feels like, and it is not my intention to offend anyone or make Viktor’s disability the main focus in my writing. If anything is offensive or you guys have any tips or criticisms, I am happy to learn and fix anything!

warnings: nudity, nothing explicit though

character: Viktor from Arcane

m.list

“Is it working?” you asked innocently from behind Viktor, hands on his shoulders as you gently massage his muscles. Maybe a bit too softly for Viktor, he knew why though, you were always scared to hurt him, ever since the surgery on his back you were always extra gentle during your massages. So he knew why your fingertips sometimes felt feather light against his muscles.

“Oh uhm, yes” he answers, having been lost in his own thoughts as he looked down at the floor. Thinking about hextech as usual, new ways to improve and understand it. Wishing he was at the lab with Jayce, he didn’t like when you and Jayce wanted him to rest. “I’m feeling fine, let’s go to the lab”

“Viktor no” a sigh slips past your lips as you hold him down by the shoulders, making sure Viktor didn’t get up from the bed. The room dimly lit by a few candles and the moon shining from between the curtains. “It’s late—”

“Jayce is probably there”

“So you’d rather spend time with Jayce than me?”

“No that’s not what I said, it’s the hextech”

Your eyebrows furrow and fingers stop working on his shoulders. “You’d rather spend time working on hextech then spend time with me then”

He could hear the hurt in your voice and regretted his words. This wasn’t the first time you two had discussed the lack of time you spent together as a couple. Yes you saw each other at the lab every day, but it wasn’t like you were spending time with your boyfriend, it was spending time with your co-worker. “That’s not what I meant, and you know that” Viktor looks over his shoulder at you, leaning his forehead against yours. “I just feel restless…”

You knew that, you always paid more attention to Viktor than anyone else. It wasn’t because of his condition or anything , your gaze often just naturally wandered over to the pretty man. It was hard to take your eyes off of him, so you always saw the change of body language, knowing when he feels restless. “I know a way you could relax…since this massage clearly isn’t helping”

★

“Are you…joining me?” Viktor asked softly, leaning on his cane as he looked down at the bathtub. A few bubbles covering the surface of the warm water.

You light the last candle, placing it by the sink before turning to him. “If you want”

“I want” was all he said, letting his cane lean against the counter as he started to undress. Feeling your soft hands graze his skin as you help him, not like he necessarily needed the help to undress, but it was much appreciated. Today was just one of those days where everything seemed dull and dark, his body and mind both tired and restless at the same time.

With a little more help, Viktor sunk into the warm water of the bathtub, eyes closing as his mind wanders back to hextech. “I should be at the lab…”

“I will drown you”

A small smile spreads to his lips as he cracks open his eye to watch you undress. His beautiful significant other, the person who had stuck with him through everything. Who puts up with him and his stubbornness every single day and turned it into something amusing instead. “You’re beautiful” he mumbles, the words said in his accent seemed to have an even bigger effect on you.

Clearing your throat to pretend like nothing, you slip into the water. Sitting on the opposite side of the tub, knees held to your chest due to the small space. “We need to get a bigger bathtub” you say after watching some of the water spill over the edge.

Viktor had closed his eyes again, the tips of his hairs also submerged in the water. He felt light, and warm. It helped soothe his aches and pains, even if it was only a little, it was enough to make him feel more laid back than usual.

Finding a wash cloth and some soap, you gently start to rub it against Viktor’s skin. Starting with his shoulders, you lift his arms slightly to make sure you get every part of his body. You knew Viktor liked when you did this, the smell of your body wash and the gentle touch against his skin was always comforting.

But it wasn’t enough, wasn’t intimate enough. Discarding the washcloth, you decided to use your hands only. Skin to skin contact, to feel his muscles and skin against your fingertips. The soap making little bubbles float to the surface of the water, covering up his bare body. Some of the bubbles getting stuck to his neck and chin, glistening in the flickering lights of the candles.

“You okay?” You ask, just in case. He hadn’t said anything and his eyes had been closed the entire time. The sound of his soft breathing and water droplets filling the room.

He opens his eyes slowly, golden brown eyes meeting yours. Eyelashes wet due to the steam. “Yes” he answered simply, lifting his arms out of the water and tracing his slender hands across your chest and stomach. Innocent and soft touches against your skin, he pulled you closer to him. Not satisfied until you laid down between his legs. “I want to stay like this…you must be tired too”

He was right, you were tired, you just didn’t seem to realize until you felt how comfortable it was to lay against your boyfriend. You settle between his thighs and get into a more comfortable position, back rested against his chest. Viktor’s arms circling around your waist, holding you close and making sure you don’t slip underneath the surface of the water. His chin resting on top of your head, your body felt so soft and warm against his.

When Viktor first moved to Piltover he never understood the pleasure in taking a bath. To simply sit and soak in the water when there was so much else to do. But his whole perspective changed when he started dating you. You changed him, made his life easier, made his life brighter. As much as he wants to work at the lab, to build hextech into something that can help people, you made him realize that’s not all his life is about. So he tries to soak up every moment he has with you, and baths became a frequent routine in your relationship.

“Vik, did you fall asleep?” You chuckle softly, hearing how his breath slowed and how his arms loosened around your body. “We are going to turn into raisins if we stay here any longer, come on mister scientist”

Viktor groans, mumbling something under his breath as you force him out of the tub. Though he had to admit the water was starting to get a little too cold for his liking. And even if he would have preferred to stay a little longer, he couldn’t fight his smile as you tease him about his grumpiness.

“Do you enjoy making fun of a burnt out scientist, hm?” He teases back, throwing his towel over your head before starting to make a move to the bedroom. Still butt-naked, taking only his cane with him, the door to the bathroom wide open as he walks out. “I can feel you staring”

“Shut up!” You yell, though he wasn’t wrong. Taking a few extra seconds to admire his back, the way some water droplets still slid down his skin from the tips of his hairs. It wasn’t a view you could get sick of seeing easily.

After getting ready for bed, you join Viktor in the bedroom, seeing him already lay on the bed. Covers pulled up to his chin and eyes closed, though you knew he wasn’t asleep, his little snores were hard to miss.

“Oh to be a pretty sleeper”

Viktor only smiles sleepily, feeling the bed dip underneath your weight. He didn’t have to open his eyes or do anything, you naturally moved between his arms, molding to his body like a puzzle piece.

“So the bath helped you relax?”

“It does every time”

“Mmm good” you nuzzle into his neck, breathing in the scent of your body wash. His skin still a little damp and warm, some of the wet strands of his hair sticking to your forehead. You could feel how Viktor’s body went limp in your embrace after a few seconds. The room filling with his soft snores. If he fell asleep so quickly you knew he wasn’t lying, the bath really did do wonders.

“Goodnight Vik…sleep well my love”

[peachdues]

WISH

Compass one-shot • bad boy!Sanemi Shinazugawa x f!Reader

A tooth-rottingly sweet one-shot honoring my sweet boy’s birthday.

This takes place a few months into Sanemi x Reader’s relationship in Compass — the main story is still in the hot, sticky summer. So think of this like a flash-forward. Don’t worry if you’re not fully caught up — no real spoilers here!

CW: 6k • MDNI • the cozy comfort winter oneshot of your dreams • mostly sickeningly sweet fluff but enough allusions/references to these horny idiots’ very active sex life • some references to gang violence (not descriptive) • swearing • abuse of cake

COMPASS MASTERLIST

Good birthday?

The two words sit on his home screen, a notification labeled with Genya’s name.

It takes Sanemi a moment to make sense of his brother’s text, until he spies the date reflected in the upper corner of his phone.

It’s November 29th.

For someone like Sanemi, dates are only important as far as they signal when something is due — and when something is late. The only dates that matter to him are the ones he’s told to care about; those hard deadlines that go unmet and require Sanemi to strap his crowbar to his back and his gun to his hip, so he can pay some poor bastard a visit.

Today is one of those deadlines, and Sanemi has a list of obligations to follow through on. But Genya’s text is a glaring reminder of the other thing today represents.

It’s his birthday.

Every year, his brother asks him the same thing — though, admittedly, Sanemi thinks the text is more a reminder rather than a happy wish of another year’s passing. Without Genya’s annual good birthday? Sanemi is fairly certain he’d forget November 29th held any significance to him at all.

I’ll be damned, Sanemi thinks, walking up the back entrance to an old computer parts shop — his first stop of the morning. Made it another year.

As unenthused Sanemi is about his birthday, he usually answered his brother with some pithy little acknowledgement. A biting Still alive, ain’t I? or, if he was feeling particularly festive, he’d simply send a thumb’s up, one that signaled his brother that Sanemi was working and didn’t want to risk smearing more blood and sweat across his phone screen than absolutely necessary.

This year, though — his twenty-second, he realizes after doing a quick bit of math — Sanemi’s not in any position to reply to his brother. Not yet, at least. So for now, his phone will have to sit in his pocket; his hands are about to be busy.

He’s got debts to collect.

—

Two hours later, Sanemi sits on his bike in an empty alleyway spliced between Market and Eastern Avenue.

In the last week or so, a strong front of arctic air had swept through the City, plunging it deep into the throes of winter. For a moment, Sanemi was grateful for the chill of the air; he always gets worked up after a collection, his limbs abuzz with hot blood and adrenaline. Cold air helped him settle down faster, cleared his mind so he could approach the next job with the same, violent precision.

Except, it’s now colder than he likes, but that itch still burns hot inside him. Hence, why Sanemi remains here, tucked away in this dark, forgotten alley, huddled over his bike. He’s got nothing to keep warm with but his worn leather jacket and the cigarette perched his lips, its end flowing a faint orange.

Tobacco-tinged smoke curls around his head, mixing with condensation of his breath as he exhales long and slow. The rush of nicotine is both a welcome distraction and extra sedative and finally, Sanemi feels his shoulders relax.

He’s only halfway through his cigarette, but he flicks it to the ground anyway. He’s not sure whether the burning in his throat is from the cold air or this particular bad habit of his, but it’s enough to kill his desire for anything more now that his edge has been sufficiently dulled. Still, he considers whittling himself down to the occasional cigarette is a marked improvement from the daily half pack he blazed through in his youth, before he discovered other outlets for his stress. Maybe he’ll be able to kick the habit all together by this time next year.

Assuming he lives long enough to see his next birthday, that is.

Sanemi’s in the middle of stuffing his lighter back inside his jacket pocket when he feels his phone buzz. He shouldn’t check it, not when his to do list still has one more name to cross off, but he’s already indulged in one bad habit this afternoon. Might as well go two-for-two.

And boy, is he glad he does when he spies the notification bearing your name.

Tell me you’re coming over tonight.

Sanemi’s lips twitch up with a smile he hasn’t been able to muster in days. Leave it to you to brighten his day in so few words.

What time you want me, sweetness?

A cutting gust of wind tears down the alley, whipping and tearing through the layers of his clothes. Any other time, Sanemi would simply hunch over the clutch of his bike and speed off, thinking only of someplace that wasn’t outside.

Now, he’s got you to look forward to.

Your reply arrives a few seconds later. Got a few errands to run so I’m closing up early. Owner can suck it. It’s cold.

It is, Sanemi mentally agrees, and he feels a rush of relief that closing nearly means you’ll be home — or close enough to it — before dark. The uptick in violence through the City has crept too close to your neighborhood for his comfort, and Sanemi already hates you walking home in the dark without him as it is. The season’s shortened days only makes that particular anxiety of his worse.

Thank the fucking stars you’re less inclined to weather the arrival of winter than he is.

It’s a date, beautiful. He texts back before pocketing his phone. He cups his hands around his mouth and huffs, willing his breath to unfreeze his fingers enough to grip his bike’s clutch.

Another torrent of wind rips through the alley, but this time, it brings with it the first snow of winter, pelting his face with fat, cold flakes.

Sanemi tilts his face up toward the sky and grins. It is a sharp, feral thing, full of teeth and challenge. Good. Let it snow as hard as it wants; let it suffocate the City under a thick blanket of white. He wouldn’t care; Sanemi can’t think of a way better to warm up than by crawling under the covers with you. Maybe he’ll even treat himself and convince you to sleep in with him tomorrow. It’s been a few days since he last had the chance to see you. While he knows better than to be a betting man, he’d wager his odds of keeping you in bed were pretty good.

Huffing nice, twice more on his hands and Sanemi starts his bike, its motor roaring to life underneath him. His fingers are still stiff, but he can at least grip his clutch enough to steer it. No doubt the icy sting of the wind will freeze his hands in place, but he’ll worry about how to unstick himself later.

For now, he still has work to do.

In the northwest corridor of the City is a port marina that harbors a smattering of small house boats. It’s inside one of these drafty little boats where his next target hides, no doubt relying on the sudden arrival of winter to trick his creditors into looking for him elsewhere.

That ruse might have worked if anyone else other than Sanemi had been tasked with hunting him down. Unfortunately for him, his name fell in Sanemi’s lap, and now he’s going to have to play host to some very unpleasant company.

Slowly, Sanemi treads his bike to the end of the alley, eyes squinted against the wind and the snow, sweeping the street for any unsuspecting travelers. Finding nothing but the odd plastic bag being whipped and tossed down the sidewalk, Sanemi kicks his bike into gear.

As soon as he gets this job over with, he’ll get to see you.

The engine revs, and then Sanemi is thundering down the street, a renewed warmth spreading through his chest that even the biting cold of November can’t dampen.

—

It’s just after dark when Sanemi pulls up to your apartment, quickly killing the motor on his bike. He scans the dark alleyway behind your complex once, twice, before he glances up at the series of windows. Once satisfied that there are no unwanted eyes tracking his movements, Sanemi makes his way to the building’s side entrance, and begins his steady climb up the stairs.

He twirls his key to your place around his finger. God, he can’t wait to get kick his boots off, strip down to his sweater, and climb into bed with you. Maybe you’ll let him poach off your neighbor’s cable satellite again, and that way, he can find you a movie to half-pay attention to. Or, maybe you’ve snuck away another handful of advanced release copies from work, and the two of you can get to work reading and reviewing them. Either way, Sanemi is ready for the calm he only feels when he’s with you; he’s ready to relax.

The first thing he notices when he steps into your apartment is the smell of something burning.

“Motherfucker —“ he hears your vicious snarl from the kitchen right as something clatters to the floor. “One more fucking thing go wrong, I dare you —“

Calm is not on the agenda, it seems.

The air inside your studio is hazy with smoke, enough that it tickles the back of his throat. Hastily, Sanemi pushes your door shut before it can spill into the hallway and tempt one of the building’s ancient fire alarms. The last thing he wants is to summon the City’s finest and tip them off that a high profile gang member likes frequenting this neighborhood. Or the reason why.

“It’s me.” He calls out, crossing through your living room to crank open one of the arched windows behind your bed. Cold air floods your apartment, the winter wind chasing out the thickest of the smoke into night. “Baby?”

No answer; only more furious clanging and a particularly fierce “oh, fuck you.”

Cautious, Sanemi pokes his head into your small kitchenette. “Y/N?”

He’s not sure what he expected, but he can’t say he’s prepared for the sight of you, standing in front of your oven, hands on your hips and your foot tapping irritably on the floor. A cooling tray lays by your feet, and you don’t seem to be in any hurry to collect it; not when you’re too busy glowering down at your stove.

Sanemi’s eyes follow yours, and he finds what he presumes is the source of the stench. The worst of the smoke rolls off something sitting on your stove, though it’s too black for Sanemi to even guess what it’s supposed to be.

You whirl around and Sanemi has to bite his tongue to keep from laughing.

There’s flour on your cheek and dusted all down your front, along with other smears and stains of beige — batter of some sort, if he had to guess, given the cluttered mess on your counter of used mixing bowls and measuring cups. Your hair is a mess, puffed up and frizzed out from the smoke, framing a face scrunched up in pinched fury.

All things considered, you look pretty damn adorable, but he isn’t about to tell you that. The block of kitchen knives you rarely touch are too close within your reach for his comfort.

So, Sanemi takes the pragmatic approach and casually folds his arms across his chest. He offers with a measured nod of his head toward your oven. “I thought we talked about you cookin’ without supervision.”

For all the grief he’d given you about your inability to make anything more substantive than cereal, Sanemi learned rather quickly it was the most you could be trusted with. Once, you’d tried to show off your culinary skills by making him ramen, only for you to stick the dried noodles in your microwave without water. You hadn’t even noticed the acrid smell of something burning until he pointed it out, and by then, it was too late. It was only after he’d thrown the smoking bowl of scorched, blackened noodles into your sink that he hotly declared you were not to use any appliance in your kitchen while by yourself.

He’d thought you’d agreed to that ban but, as he peers over your shoulder to inspect whatever it is that’s about to set off your fire alarm, Sanemi grimly realizes the two of you are not on the same page.

“I wasn’t cooking, I was baking.” You snap, as though the distinction matters. You yank an oven mitt off one hand and snatch a loose fork from the counter, jamming it right into the smoldering center of whatever the hell it is you’ve tried to make. It pops and sags beneath the stab of the fork, more steam hissing out of the wound you’ve opened in its surface.

You hold the fork up for inspection and your eyes widen with outrage. “How is it burnt on the outside and fucking raw on the inside —?”

Sanemi glances at your oven settings and raises an eyebrow. “‘Cuz you have it set to five hundred — didn’t even know ovens could go that high.”

You chuck the fork into the kitchen sink with more force than necessary. “I was trying to get your stupid cake done before you got here. I wanted you to be surprised!”

He blinks. “What cake?”

“Your birthday cake!” You rip the other oven mitt from your hands scrunching it up before throwing it to the counter in defeat. “It’s your birthday, and I didn’t leave the store ‘til late, so I had to rush to get it done because I couldn’t swing a present other than this stupid cake!” You jab a finger toward the blackened pan still smoking on the stove. “And I couldn’t even do that!”

Sanemi’s eyes widen and for a moment, he can’t remember to blink.

All he can do is stare.

As much as he’s tried to forget them, there were a handful of November 29ths that had stuck with him over the years; a wad of chewing gum cemented to his memory that he couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard he tried scraping it away.

His fifth birthday was spent clinging to his mother’s arm, begging her not to leave him alone in that dinky, unheated shoebox where they lived. His eyes had been teary, and he hated that he was acting like a crybaby, but he didn’t want his Ma to go — didn’t want to be left alone. He wanted her to scoop him up in her arms, to hum fragments of lullabies into his hair as she curled over him beneath their threadbare blankets, desperate for her body heat to sink into her son and keep him warm.

But it was winter, and Sanemi needed something to eat, so Shizu, heavily pregnant, had to go work.

She returned the next day with a lukewarm fast food hamburger Sanemi couldn’t stomach eating. Not when his mother came home sporting a new black eye, so dark and purple that not even her paper thin smile could dull her obvious wince, or the shadowy bruises peppered along her too-thin arms.

He spent his eighth birthday scavenging for spare coins dropped between the sagging, stained cushions of the old man’s broken down furniture.

Genya was nearly three and crying, his belly aching with a hunger he didn’t understand. Their mother was dead, and no one knew how to care for them except for Sanemi, and he’d been desperate; enough so that he’d clawed at the broken wooden couch slats until his numb fingers turned raw; bloody.

Because it was snowing and cold and Kyogo had left his sons at home in the dark, unheated apartment with nothing to eat.

He’d found enough loose change to justify running down to his neighbor’s place, and the old man had been kind enough to give him a packet of stale instant noodles. No seasoning packets, but the Shinazugawa boys had been too hungry to mind.

The only candles he had to mark the day were the mismatched stumps scrounged out of some cluttered drawer. His birthday wish — the very first one he’d ever made — a feeble plea that come December, Kyogo wouldn’t waste the month’s electric bill on booze his sons couldn’t even drink to keep warm. Winter in the Silo was harsh enough.

But December came and went, heralding in harsh winds and thick sheets of ice, and the apartment never once turned warm.

Sanemi never made another birthday wish again.

When he turned ten, Genya brought him home a tiny green race car, no doubt swiped from the basket of loose toys that sat next to the cashier at the nearby corner store. The paint was chipped, and one of the wheels had a tendency to stick whenever Sanemi skated it over the kitchen’s cracked linoleum, but it was a toy, and Sanemi hadn’t had one of those before. So, he ruffled his brother’s hair and the two spent the night rolling the car back and forth to one another across the floor, giddy with that childlike innocence they never got to keep come sunrise.

The corner store it came from closed not long after his birthday, its owner having been dragged out sometime in the night by hooded men, face too swollen and mouth too bloodied to scream.

Not that anyone would’ve helped, anyway. Not here.

Sanemi still has the car, though. It’s since lost a wheel, and the paint has nearly faded away, but it sits in his window sill; a prized token of the boy he’d never been.

For his fifteenth birthday, Sanemi’s lucky ass got not one, but two presents: a broken rib and a black eye. Courtesy of Kyogai, a sleazy had-been in the Corps’ ranks, whose penchant for downers meant he never had enough money to pay his dues to the Corps. Sanemi, a junior at the time, had been sent to collect money Kyogai refused to cough up, and in his youthful arrogance, thought he could simply strong-arm the Corps’ payment back.

That was when he learned never to get between a junkie and their fix — especially once withdrawal set in.

Sanemi returned the birthday generosity on a cold day in January, with his crowbar to Kyogai’s kneecaps. Rumor was he still couldn’t walk without a cane. But he never tried his bullshit with Sanemi again, and he thought that was probably the best gift of all.

So no, Sanemi can’t say he expects much out of his birthdays.

“No one’s ever made me a birthday cake before.”

It’s a breathless sort of admission, one that he’d probably be embarrassed about making if he wasn’t so caught off guard.

His admission monetarily stuns you into silence, and he almost feels ashamed. But you quickly recover and instead offer only a brittle laugh. “Yeah, well. Fucked that up for you, I guess.”

You finally look at him and Sanemi is startled by the tears rapidly lining your eyes.

“It’s just a cake, baby,” Sanemi soothes, hands reaching for you. “And today’s just a day. ‘S no big deal.”

Another great sniff. “It is a big deal!”

Sanemi is all too used to never having and not being allowed to want, so accepting what others want or try to give doesn’t exactly come easy to him. But the sight of you, nearly reduced to tears over the scorched disaster you’d tried desperately to make into something worth marking the day with has him reevaluating twenty-two years’ worth of trained indifference.

Beneath your frustration is clear upset with the situation. Because, you tried.

Sure, Sanemi’s birthdays passed without the usual triumvirate of cake-ice cream-presents he supposes other kids got. Frankly, he didn’t quite see the appeal of it anyway, but that may have been because Sanemi hadn’t known to miss what he never had. November 29th was just a day, after all; the mark of another year gone by without him taking a bullet to the head or having his body dumped in some faraway hole. The watery sun that rose that morning was no different all the others he’d managed to cheat his way into seeing. To him, it’s insignificant.

But not to you. For some reason, you don’t think you’ve given him enough.

Months of being together, and he still hasn’t figured out how to make you understand that he doesn’t need any grand gestures from you. It’s enough that you continue allowing him into your home, your bed, your life; that you soothe his fragmented heart, and chase away the cloud of numbness always lurking over his shoulder with one of your sweet smiles.

He doesn’t want for anything because he already has everything in you.

But you still want to give him more.

God, he doesn’t deserve you. And he certainly doesn’t deserve the tears swimming in your eyes or the frustration that weighs down your shoulders.

Sure, he doesn’t really give a damn about his birthday, but he sure as hell gives several about you, and your defeat is not something he’ll tolerate.

Sanemi fishes his set of keys from his pocket. “C’mon,” he nods toward the door. “We’re going to the store.”

—

“It’s not right,” you sniff an hour later as you hand him an oven mitt. “You shouldn’t be making your own birthday cake.”

“We’re making,” Sanemi corrects, seamlessly pulling the hot pan from your oven and placing it atop your stove to cool. “The present ain’t the cake, anyway.”

He tosses the mitt to your counter and turns to you, eyeing the can of frosting in your hand, one you absently stir a butter knife into, unsure of how else to help.

With a faint smile, Sanemi swipes his finger through the top layer of sprinkled sugar, dolloping it right on the tip of your nose. “You are.”

You roll your eyes, swiping your finger through the small blob of icing and bringing it to your mouth. As you suck the tip of your finger clean, you peer over his arm, nose wrinkling as you as you look down at the golden brown surface of the very much baked-through cake. “Still, box cake mix?”

“A cake’s a cake.”

The kitchen is teeming with the warm, comforting scent of sweet vanilla, one that spreads through the rest of your studio, chasing away the last remnants of burnt confectionary which lingered after your earlier baking fiasco. Boxed mix or not, you have to know that plan b smells leagues better than plan a, even if that means your ego has to take the hit.

“If you say so,” you grumble, shouldering him out of the way as you scoop out a glob of frosting, ready to slap it across the cake’s surface.

“Not yet,” Sanemi corrects, gently catching your wrist before your knife can make contact. “It’s gotta cool first, or else that’s just gonna melt all over the place.”

Your mouth twists into an annoyed grimace. “That seems stupid.” You gripe, stabbing the knife back into the canister of icing, right in its center.

“Chemistry, sweetheart. Didn’t you pay attention?”

“I slept through most of chem back in the day.”

That surprises him. “Weren’t you a goody two shoes?”

You snort. “Not when it came to science. Or math, for that matter. Always got my lowest grades in science and math.”

Sanemi rolls his eyes. “And a low grade for you would’ve been —?”

This time, you drop your head, suddenly sheepish. “Anything below an A.”

Of course. “Damn, wish I’d known.” Sanemi smirks. “Maybe I could’ve made bank tutoring instead of runnin’ around, bein’ a delinquent.” At the skeptical raise of your brow, he scoffs. “What? You think a blossoming criminal couldn’t also score a few As?”

Math had always come easily to him, though that may have been out of necessity than raw talent. Knowing numbers meant he could tally up debts quickly in his head and calculate the exact interest owed, which meant less time wasted wherein his target might be able to get one over on him. Not once had he ever finished a job short-changed. That’s what made him so valuable to the Corps, even back then.

His academic success across the various fields of mathematics and science (which was math with more words thrown in), was just an added bonus.

“Still, though — tutoring?” You laugh. “Sorry — for some reason I can’t picture you meeting some poor kid in the library to go over formulas and equations. I can’t even imagine someone willing to ask you — I mean —“ you gesture to him, and Sanemi knows that’s explanation enough.

“I might’ve. Especially if a certain pretty girl had batted her lashes and asked me all nice and sweet.” Gently, he pushes your hair back over your shoulder, his eyes watching your breath hitch in your throat; the goosebumps that spread over your skin. Smirking, he leans in and presses his lips right below your ear. “Kinda like how you did last week — ‘cept, you were asking me to give you something then, weren’t you?”

The way your cheeks darken tell him you know exactly what he’s talking about.

It was him. Specifically, his cum; you’d begged for it, actually, your recurring chant of fill me up, fill me up, baby, please! sweeter than music to his fucking ears.

You turn to grab the can of icing, defiantly putting your back to him, if only to avoid having to look at the cocky set of his mouth.

Sanemi’s gloating isn’t over. It’s his birthday, after all. “You know I’m right.”

“Oh, shut up before I make you decorate your damn cake.”

Still grinning, he lets you shoo him from the kitchen. Sanemi plops himself onto your sofa and fishes your tv remote from between the cushions. He busies himself flipping through the handful of channels you get, finally landing on some pro baseball game he only watches with half-interest.

“Ready!” You call a few moments later, and Sanemi tosses the remote aside, the game, forgotten.

You hover in front of your counter, hands together twisting nervously. The moment he appears in the kitchen’s small entryway, you step aside, revealing the fruit of your shared labor.

“Happy Birthday, Sanemi.”

The cake is small and its edges are a little lopsided. The icing looks like it was applied the same way as wallpaper paste. A lone, green candle sits lit in the cake’s center, its flame bright and merry.

Sanemi’s never seen anything more appealing in his life.

“You have to make your wish,” you sternly remind him as he leans over the cake, his eyes glued to the candle. “And you can’t say it out loud.”

A birthday cake; his very own birthday cake.

There’s a part of him that hesitates to blow out the candle, too entranced by the way the little flame dances and bends around the wick. After all, the last time he’d made a wish, it hadn’t come true.

And yet, another part of him — that silly, hopelessly optimistic part he knows better than to indulge — wonders if perhaps his eight-year-old self’s wish hadn’t worked because he’d lit the candles for light and feeble warmth. They hadn’t been intended for celebration, and he certainly hadn’t had a cake to hold them.

Maybe that was part of the magic; the spell’s missing ingredients.

This time, maybe things will be different.

His wish is simple, if not a little selfish. But Sanemi thinks that birthdays might be the chance to be selfish, and he’s not making his wish out loud anyways, so maybe he can get away with this.

Sanemi closes his eyes and he wishes for time. Time with you. Time with Genya. As much as the universe will let him have.

That would be enough.

Sanemi blows out the candle.

“C’mere you,” he says roughly, reaching for you. He pulls you into his side and presses a kiss to your temple. “Thank you.”

Your arms wind around his middle. “You did most of the work.”

“You made it a birthday cake, though.” He lays his cheek atop your head. “You turned this whole damn day into somethin’ special. Thank you.”

Without you, Sanemi would never know what it felt like to have his own birthday cake or a candle to wish upon.

Neither of you of bother with plates or cutting slices; instead, you hand him another fork and the two of you dig right in.

At the first bite, Sanemi’s eyes slide shut. Cheap box cake has never tasted so fucking good.

“Not bad,” you say thickly through your own mouthful, leaning over your counter. Another bite is already loaded on your fork. “Wonder what mine would’ve tasted like.”

Sanemi swallows. “Like raw cake batter.”

You turn over your shoulder to stick your tongue out at him, not caring that your mouth is full, or for the crumbs that fall on the counter top.

You’re about to return to the cake when a smear of white catches his eye.

“Hold it.” Sanemi sets his fork down and catches your chin between his thumb and forefinger before you turn away. He tilts your face up, and smirks.

That’s when he leans in, flicks his tongue along your lower lip. He moans at the taste of sugar, the spare bit of icing left on your lip further sweetening the honey of your kiss, his mouth capturing yours.

Your moan rights everything in his world full of wrongs, your fork clattering to the counter.

The hand he keeps on your chin slides to the back of your neck, tilting your head; the other finds purchase at your hip, tugging you closer into him. It only takes a matter of seconds before Sanemi is drunk on your lips, the warmth of the evening liquid honey that pools in his stomach.

Your kiss tastes like cake and home.

He’d stay here all night if he could, but the fervor of your lips moving with his has quickly stolen his breath away. No matter how much he craves your kiss, his body demands air.

With a faint grunt, Sanemi breaks your kiss. The hand on the back of your neck remains firmly in place, keeping you close as Sanemi traces the slope of your nose with the tip of his. “You had icing on your lip. Had to fix it.”

Through his lowered lids, he can see the quickened rise and fall of your chest as you steady your own breathing; the flush in your cheeks. Your eyes are bright, however, illuminated with equal desire and challenge.

Your tongue flicks out to dampen your lower lip and Sanemi’s eyes narrow. “Maybe you should check for more.”

Fuck oxygen. His mouth is back on yours before you can finish your next inhale.

And then, he’s moving.

Though you’re walking backwards, you’re the one guiding him, your fingers hooked through his belt loops as you tug him through your kitchenette and out into the open space of your studio.

His groan vibrates into your mouth. Sanemi doesn’t have to open his eyes to know where you’re leading him; he’s treaded this very path to your bed too many times to count.

Oh, there’s plenty of time for this later, and he’ll happily indulge himself then. Besides, you’re even more sensitive in the mornings, and that means he’s guaranteed to coax two or three orgasms out of you with just his tongue before you both have to go to work in the morning, never mind what he’ll be able to do once he’s actually inside you. It’ll be worth holding off, for now.

But right now, his heart is too full, and tonight has been mending something inside of him he hadn’t known was broken. Something shy and curious, a remnant from the boy who might have secretly longed to know what it felt like to have a birthday mean something; to matter.

Still, he can’t resist fanning the fire a little, the hand on your hip sliding to your ass and squeezing, his fingers dangerously close to the dip in your thighs.

He lets you strip him down to his underwear and you to yours, since that’s how you prefer to sleep when not otherwise naked. Only when he feels your hand sliding down his bare abdomen does he still you, his fingers wrapping delicately around your wrist.

He feels your frown before he sees it. Cautious, your mouth breaks away from his and you lower yourself down from the tips of your toes.

A dent has notched itself between your eyebrows. “You don’t want —?”

Later, he’ll be sure to tell you that he wants you all the time — so much so that it might be a problem. But that’s not what tonight is about — not for him. For now, he can’t risk you discovering that he’s half-hard already; the second your hand finds him, he’ll be too erect to function, let alone think clearly.

He shakes his head. “Actually,” Sanemi hooks his arm around your waist and tugs you back against the bed, falling into your tower of pillows and blankets with you safely encased in his embrace. “I think I just wanna hold you, if that’s cool.”

Confusion flits briefly across your face before your eyes soften. “Of course. Don’t you know that birthdays mean you get whatever you want?”

He didn’t, but that doesn’t matter. Because this is why he loves you: you know, without him ever having to explain. You understand.

With a soft smile, Sanemi rolls to capture you under him, but braces himself above you long enough to allow you to sit up against the headboard. The moment you settle, Sanemi inches up beside you until he can rest his head on your stomach, his arm hugging your waist.

He swears he can hear your smile as you ask, “Happy?”

Exuberantly so; your body is soft in every way his isn’t, and warm. He’s in a heated, dimly lit apartment with no fear of the lights cutting out or the cold outside making his toes turn numb. The girl he loves, loves him back. Everything he hadn’t dared let himself wish for is now his, carding her beautiful fingers through his hair.

it’s almost perfect. Almost.

“Nah, I’ve got one more request.”

He leans over you and pulls a novel from the top of the stack that perpetually sits on your side of the bed, never shrinking. He hands it to you, meeting your inquisitive eyebrow with his smirk. “Read to me.”

He doesn’t care what book it is — whether it’s something he’s read before, or of a genre he isn’t all that into, it doesn’t matter. He just wants to hear you.

“A bedtime story? Really?” You tease, but you’re already flipping to the first page.

Content, Sanemi turns his face further into your stomach, burrowing harder into you. One hand still smoothing through his hair, you begin to read the prologue, pausing for dramatic effect where the passage calls for it. Slowly, the hours unfold as your voice weaves together the story — some high fantasy set in a distant world. Once upon a time, Sanemi would’ve wished he could dive into the pages of his book; anything to escape his reality.

Now, he can’t imagine being any place better than right here, with you.

—

It’s nearly midnight when Sanemi remembers Genya’s unanswered text still sitting in his inbox. Carefully, so as not to disturb you and your faint snoring, he untangles himself from you. One hand pats across the surface of your bedspread, searching for the small rectangle while the other gingerly removes the book still propped between your fingers. You’d made it about five chapters, your thumb still marking the page where you’d dozed off mid-passage.

Book in hand, he turns and tosses it on your threadbare rug, and it lands with a dull thump. He finds his phone near the foot of your bed. His eyes flick to you once to confirm that his gentle movements have not disturbed your well-earned rest.

Your mouth twitches with another light snore, and Sanemi smiles.

He clicks his phone to life, taking care to keep it turned away from you, mindful of the bright little screen. Quietly, he thumbs his answer to his brother. The moment he taps the send arrow, he tosses his phone back to the ground and reaches across the duvet for you once more.

A few hundred miles away inside a sleeping boys’ dormitory, under Zenitsu’s nasally snores and the odd, violent twitch from Inosuke, Genya’s phone buzzes from its place under his pillow.

Yeah. Good birthday.

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS APPRECIATED!!

[argumate]

transgenderer said: very confused by your characterization of TV as beneficial and social media as harmful. either position seems plausible, but not both at once. id consider TV as more harmful than social media, as someone who spent a lot of time watching tv in my childhood and a lot of time on social media in my teens

for TV you have to compare it with the cultural environment pre-1950 and the effect it may have had on why society got so much nicer post-1950.

now of course there were many dramatic changes going on at the same time: child mortality plummeted so we weren't surrounded by tiny skeletons all the time, birthrates slowed and family sizes dropped, we got much richer and ate more food and suffered less disease, lifespans lengthened, everyone learned to read and children started spending more time in school and less time in factories and on farms, etc.

but it's noteworthy that everyone also started spending a couple of hours a day watching television, a giant experiment in mass media (one of many giant experiments we ran on society post-1950).

now, many people assert that it had a negative effect (television shows feature sex, violence, and commercials!) but few people say it had no effect (humans gonna human) and hardly anyone seems to claim it had a positive effect, and I find that a little strange when you think about what television typically shows: highly moralistic narratives that both reflect social norms but also shape them by modeling what we consider to be good behaviour, good relationships, and idealised families, in a context that almost everyone shares, inflected by new elite ideas about psychiatry and psychoanalysis that were obviously very clumsy but a huge leap on what came before.

compare what a child in the '60s or '70s or '80s will learn about what it means to be a child and how adults should act and parents should engage with children and with each other and how the world works compared with a child in the '20s or '30s or '40s; I think the kid raised by television may well have a better baseline in many ways!

this is all anecdotal -- maybe some enterprising academic could do a study where they try to correlate the spread of television with some metrics of social health and disentangle it from the spread of leaded petrol lol -- but there are innumerable examples of the way television is loaded with positive messages, from The Brady Bunch to The Simpsons, even television that was often viewed as antisocial or subversive or potentially harmful at the time.

I mean I was just watching the first few episodes of SVU the other day and amongst all the hard-boiled detective shenanigans and the sensationalism it basically consists of authority figures saying "people do bad things to each other, and even worse sometimes society is unkind to the victim; also rape is a serious issue and women can be cops btw" -- even as copaganda it's a progressive show for the time.

an argument that television is harmful on net needs to account for where the harm is coming from and how it influences people; there are clearly things that would be much better than television as practiced in the 20th century but it seems like a significant improvement on the culture and media environment that preceded it, whether that was vaudeville or public executions.

social media on the other hand is more complicated to analyse because there are so many disparate unrelated things happening on there, it's individualised more like the telephone network or email than broadcast television, even if some general trends are evident.

and social media obviously contains many positive elements -- I love it myself -- but the negative elements are equally obvious; whether it ends up negative on net depends on how you account for them, but it's looking like a much more complicated story than television.

some factors to consider:

the way social media selects for viral spread leads to content that is far more inflammatory than television

"doomscrolling" makes the nightly news broadcast look tame

social media creates an explicit status/attention hierarchy for the world and puts almost everyone at the bottom of it; if the message of television was "you're special" then the message of social media is "you're nothing"

social media permits mob harassment in a way that makes old shows like Jerry Springer look good by comparison

social media appears to be having effects on politics which are not necessarily positive, I would say

social media appears to be damaging gender relations for young people in ways we're still figuring out

youth suicide rates appear to correlate with social media usage

anyway, I think as a society we will develop better cultural antibodies to the worst aspects of social media over time, but so far I think AI in the form of chat bots appears to be more like television (good) and less like social media (bad).

[acexsmhking]

What is your hc if Toby accidentally got (F) Reader pregnant?

𝐍𝐚𝐳

(𝗻.) 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼

╰┈➤ Tobias x PREG!FEM!Reader

Summary: What would happen if Toby got Reader pregnant?

Warning(s): 18+ content, mentions of sexual actions, pregnancy hormones, pregnancy pains, mentions of mental health

Oh.. oh boy.

Now if Tobias is even having sex with you in the first place you’re a significant other, as Tobias doesn’t just sleep around

But coming home and you tell him you’re pregnant??? Yikes.

Now listen I know in Tobias HC I have mentioned he does THINK about it… but thinking is very different from it being true

First of all, Tobias will generally respect what decision you make… just… either decision warrants different reactions

Abortion:

This becomes a very long discussion between you both. Toby feels both relieved and a tiny itty witty bit sad about it

He does WANT to be a ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ person and say he could be a good father but he understands with his… issues that is very much so 50/50 and no child should have a maybe maybe

Of course; Tobias is so very supportive of you, at the end of the day YOU are going through the physical effects of it all

He tries to be as present and comforting as he genuinely can muster, making sure you don’t feel any sort of pressure

After the procedure Tobias is actually a little.. sad. He thinks you’d look beautiful pregnant and it’s not like he doesn’t like the actual process….

besides his dumb thoughts he does actually start thinking about it more

Making a crib.. teaching them how to hunt, how to craft things

God forbid if whenever yall are actually out together that he SEES a baby, the baby fever will hit him.. HARD

just give him a week or two it’ll die out on it’s own

Keeping It

Oh boy..

Oh boy oh boy oh boy

He’s wearing a smile with you but when you turn your back he is full on looney toons panicking

Yeah he… has a panic attack a few times

BUT he does start growing excited

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF DOING ANYTHING

yeah you though Tobias was protective before well… he gets mega protective… and possessive

You think your nesting is bad??? HIS NESTING IS HORRIBLE

You start going a little insane

He pampers the hell out of you though

Foot rubs, cravings, full meals everything. You wake up at 1am hungry for something? He was already up watching you sleep

Watches you sleep a lot.

Back hurts? He lifts your bump for HOWEVER long you want, washes you hair, clips your nails fuck he even shaves you if you want

…. He will do some stupid haircut

even does little hearts<3

You gotta bonk him on the head a little to not get distracted

Worried about pregnancy weight? Yeah will you should be with Tobias cause he actually doesn’t give a fuck if you gain.

HE’S THE REASON YOU ARE

he wants the baby to be comfy and fat is the only way to do that!!

The liar, he’s the one that likes it

Scalp messages!!

Will rub and oil your scalp to improve and encourage hair growth and of course washes it himself too

Yeah… he starts becoming rapid over you

You just look so… good and you smell good

He’s gentle though! He actually mostly eats you out because he actually too horrified to put it in you…

… what if the baby can see??

Don’t try talking him out of it.. he’s too irrational

Just let him be

If you have a thing for body worship will Toby always worship your body even more so now that you pregnant

Now lemme say this that Tobias literally hand made every fucking piece of furniture

Sure he bought the screws and hinges, etc etc

But the actual wood carving? He did

The rocking chair, rocking foot stand so you can lay back on the chair, the dresser, the crib, the changing table, the cabinets under the changing table for diapers and etc

Fuck sake he literally decorated it all himself

I mean this baby room is dripped out

Like… everything this baby could need and every baby item ever made in human history is there

YOU NEVER KNOW!!

Tons of toys and blankets and clothes that Tim, Brian, and Jessica got them<3

You both actually agreed not to do a gender reveal, just let it be

So when the baby actually starts coming?? Omg. Omg omg omg omg omg

Lemme say you’re doing a home birth if you actually want Tobias to be there

Remember he kinda is… wanted… kinda.. ya know… kills people..

BUT YOU HAVE THE BEST

he made sure of it

Thankfully Brian is there since he has done nursing school, you have the best midwife Tim could find

Your own family is there (if you want) but everyone else is too!! By everyone else I literally mean Tim, Brian and Jessica since… ya know

Anyways

He is FREAKING OUT

It’s becoming very very very real

Tim is holding yours and his hand trying to calm the both of you

**tired mom sounds**

You break Toby’s hand during the delivery but he doesn’t care. Minor things

He is actually sobbing and crying when the baby arrives

Like snot and everything

He’s holding them kissing your face

So many thank you’s and I love you’s.

Brian is so crying.. so is Tim. They’re grandparents!!… slash uncles…

All in all pregnancy with Toby is a confusing thing but he doesn’t leave your side no matter what!

: ̗̀➛ this was so cute to write!! I NEED MORE DAD!TOBY OMG. Anyways imma tell y’all rn. I would be the one to get Toby pregnant don’t let him alone around me trust — Ace

[bucketbueckers]

I'D RATHER PRETEND

extra 4: forget

wc: 6.3k

synopsis: the four times tess and paige forgot they were on different wnba teams

notes: i think i would be a terrible ex bc every time i say im done w this series i end up coming back 😟 i went ahead and combined both of the ideas i linked in the poll since they were so close sooooo everybody is winning i think! also i will be moving all of the irp extras to the irp masterlist instead of clogging my main one so do not be alarmed if you can't find them. uhh thats all but as always i hope y'all enjoy 🫶

i. firsts

JUNE 6, 2025

For all intents and purposes, today was just another game.

It was an away game, which Tess always enjoyed – it was the competitor in her who thrived off of the home team crowd’s jeers, their disappointed groans when the game was tight and one of their star players missed a shot. It’s the kind of pressure that she craves. You walk into hostile territory, not even as the underdog, but something a little more intense than that. Something more personal. Hundreds of people fill the stands and all they know is that their team will beat yours. Tess could always be found in that sort of quiet that fills the arena when she’s made her point, when her wrist is bent from a deep three that she knows is going in – that shell-shocked, stunned, dominant silence that surges through her veins like electricity. That’s what basketball is to her.

Besides being a Commissioner’s Cup game, the second of Tess’s season, Tess was committed to treating this game just as any other. They’d steamrolled the Mercury only a few days ago so she was in high spirits going into this game. 

…Which just so happened to be their first game against the Dallas Wings. Her first game against Paige.

She’d heard it all from the media throughout the season, even if they’d never said it to her face directly. How are you planning on navigating these games against your significant other? Will you play the game any differently? Is this personal to you? And even the ever elusive, Are you planning on throwing away your season to improve Paige’s stats and her Rookie of the Year campaign — which, what the fuck?

The point is – this has been the most anticipated game since the beginning of the season. While the Wings and the Sparks have both lost a few games each (losing was something that Tess and Paige weren’t quite used to – KP pulled her aside in the locker room after her first of the season, shrugged, and simply said, “Shit happens. Just make sure you have toilet paper,” and to this day, Tess really isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean). Despite the culture shock, Tess and Paige were both on tears — averaging about twenty points a game each. Paige led her in assists, although they tied in rebounds and Tess led in stocks. Analysts claimed they’d be the deadliest backcourt the WNBA has ever seen if only they were on the same team. They had a few more years to go, but Tess did have to admit their games were near perfect complements of each other. 

For as long as she’s been playing collegiate basketball and now, the few short weeks she’s been playing professional basketball, she’s gotten a lot better at tuning out the media noise. While this is a huge game for a lot of reasons – the narrative, the cup game, the first she’s played against Paige as professional athletes, Tess knew better than anyone else that she needed to keep her cool and treat it like she would any other game, even if she and Paige haven’t seen each other since their post draft “vacation” (if you could call it that – Paige was in between several interviews, show appearances, a victory rally, although Tess appreciated that she was just as committed to taking the time off together as she was).

So what if this was the first time seeing her girlfriend in person in almost a month? Tess and Paige were grown adults with grown adult jobs. They could handle the distance. They’re professionals. Which is why Tess is going to not geek out about it.

“Girl,” Rickea deadpans, causing Tess to look up from where she’s currently lacing up her sneakers in the Wings’ visitor locker room. “You need to get it together.”

Tess frowns, genuinely confused. “I’m tying my shoes and minding my business!” she exclaims. “What do you want from me?”

Kelsey snorts, sliding the Sparks warm-up sweatshirt over her frame. “You’ve been smiling all day,” she says. “It’s actually terrifying. Like you were even smiling while tying your shoes. Who does that?”

Tess, conveniently, focuses on her other shoe, making sure the laces are tightened to her liking. “I have plenty of things to be happy about in my life,” she defends. She can hear Cam laugh from the other side of the locker room, turning to Azurá and whispering something about here we go again. “My cousin’s pregnant again. Did I tell you guys that?”

The entire locker room chimes in with a chorus of groans – because truthfully, Tess hasn’t shut up about it. “So that’s really fun! I’m trying to talk her into naming her daughter after me. Tess Kennedy Jr.”

“What if she has a son?” Rickea asks, clearly entertaining this ridiculous conversation.

Tess wrinkles her nose. “She won’t. There’s no space in my family for a man.” Then, she remembers the topic of their conversation, trying her best to steer her teammates away from the conclusion they are most definitely making about her pregame mood. “Then, when we played the Mercury, I set a new career high. Very happy about that, too.” Rickea hums, gassing her up, much to Kelsey’s amusement. “What else?” Tess exaggeratedly taps her chin.

“Keep your secrets,” Kelsey goads, squeezing her shoulder. “Whenever you wanna admit it to yourself, just know that we know. And so will the cameras. So don’t look too in love with the enemy.”

Tess rolls her eyes despite the flush on her cheeks. “You guys have no faith in me,” she says glumly.

“I have faith in you,” Cam says brightly. “We’re happy that you’re happy. Just remember to have some dignity when you walk out.”

“Cameron.”

Cam’s laughter echoes in the locker room as she leaves. Still, Tess grins, satisfied with the tightness of her laces, and follows them out for warm-ups. She can handle this.

Tess, in fact, was not handling it.

Well – she was, but she didn’t want to. She’s not sure what Paige did to her to turn her into the kind of person who stares longingly across the court during warm-ups. Her brain knows that she and Paige have done this long distance thing long enough to deal with it, but having Paige so close to her seems to override that logic. A month isn’t even the longest period of time they’ve gone without seeing each other, but Tess just misses her, as trivial as it is.

She tries, though. She knows there were things they could get away with in college, but she has to remind herself that while she’s just playing basketball, this is her job now. There are a lot of things the media won’t let slide – she could already see the headlines that would tear the both of them down for distracting each other. Tess keeps her focus on her warm ups, listening to the trainers coach them through the exercises and Rickea’s endless complaining about the fact she left her favorite moisturizer at her apartment. It keeps her mind off of Paige for a few blissful moments until Paige jogs by, heading back into the tunnel, and she throws a disarming smile over her shoulder which erases all of the progress she’d made during warm-ups.

Despite the difficulty, Tess makes it through warm-ups in one piece, feeling ready for the game ahead. Everyone lines up for the ensuing tip off. That’s when she locks in fully, the responsibility and vigor of the game taking over. Paige is laser focused too, both of them worried more about the game in front of them, and they’re hardly one-on-one unless their respective teammates call for a switch.

The first switch happens five minutes into the first quarter — the Wings hold a solid six point lead, courtesy of Paige’s signature midrange pull ups. Kelsey is guarding Paige, but NaLyssa sets a screen for Paige. The Sparks had run this play enough in practice so Tess finds herself glued to Paige, effectively stopping the jumper that Tess knew she was squaring her feet for.

“You avoiding me?” Tess asks Paige, knowing her girlfriend can’t resist the opportunity to chirp when presented with the opportunity.

Paige grins through the sheen of sweat glistening on her temples and Tess knows she’s got her — hook, line, and sinker. She keeps the ball close to her person, knowing better than anyone else that Tess is one of the best defenders in the league, second to the bigs. “Nah,” she goads, dribbling the ball calmly between her legs. Her eyes dart around like she’s looking for an opening in the defense, which Tess doesn’t miss. “Figured I’d let you try to defend someone a little more your speed.”

“Scared you can’t keep up?”

“Come on, baby,” Paige coos. “Don’t make me do this to you on national television.”

Tess just smiles at her. She anticipates the pass before Paige even moves and she launches in the air, deflecting it back towards the logo. Kelsey manages to catch the rebound and Tess is already barreling down the court, Paige hot on her heels. Kelsey passes it low to get around Dijonai and Tess scoops it up, laying it in easily with her right hand, knowing that Paige was on her left. It was a pattern she’d picked up not only from watching her in film, but also training with her over the summer before their super senior seasons. Paige is probably the only thing she’s a master in.

Tess can’t help but feel a little proud of herself, glancing back to smile smugly at her girlfriend, who shakes her head with a flicker of impressed amusement in her eyes. Paige, seemingly forgetting that they’re supposed to be on opposite teams, gives Tess a friendly pat on the ass as Tess backpedals for defense. It catches her a little off guard but the game is moving too fast for her to dwell on it.

She refocuses, knowing they’ve already goofed off enough, and settles in for another three and a half quarters of rigorous basketball.

The Wings, ultimately, end up taking the win at the end of the game. Losing is one thing but losing to Paige is another. Tess had played her game, but basketball was a team sport for a reason. There were a lot of things they still had to work on if they wanted to make a dent in the playoffs this season. Similarly, the Wings had some things to work on, but they were just the better team that night.

Tess is still nursing the butthurt feeling when Paige finds her after the game, a radiant smile on her face. Truly, losing this game wasn’t the end of the world, a fact Tess was still trying to make peace with.

“Does this mean I’m on the couch tonight?” Paige asks a little coyly, which makes Tess roll her eyes as she pulls her girlfriend in for a tight hug. She doesn’t say anything, just sinking into Paige’s embrace with a deep sigh, tucking her face into the crook of her neck as her eyes slip shut. Paige is still damp with sweat, smelling something like adrenaline and victory, but Tess doesn’t care. She missed her girlfriend. A lot. Probably concerningly so. She’s sure that feeling wouldn’t ever go away — she’d just get better at dealing with it.

“Hey,” Paige murmurs, her voice softening a little, no trace of her previous tease. “You okay?”

Tess nods slightly, making a concerted effort to pull away. “Yeah,” she says, finally allowing that lovestruck smile to appear on her face, the one that she’d hidden for the better part of the game. “Just miss you. LA is an adjustment.”

The crease in Paige’s brows relax and the blonde smiles a little. “You’re happy though?” she asks, just to confirm, but she knows better. She and Tess have spent enough time on the phone at night to know about every little thought that went through their heads.

“I am,” Tess promises, grinning when Paige’s smile brightens. “But I’m happier now.”

Unable to resist, Paige asks, “Even when you lose to me?”

Tess scoffs, pulling away fully as Paige laughs. “You’re such an asshole,” she complains, but Paige doesn’t let her get too far before she links their fingers together. Begrudgingly, Tess admits, “I don’t think I can ever lose when it comes to you. Not in a way that matters.”

“The distance really has turned you into a lover girl,” Paige teases.

Tess raises a brow. “Says the girl who slapped my ass like we were teammates after I embarrassed her on TV.”

Paige at least has the decency to look a little caught. “I kinda forgot we weren’t just playing one on one,” she confesses sheepishly, which makes Tess laugh. “Didn’t even see your fuck ass purple jersey. Just my girlfriend doing something cool.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” Tess states. “Do you know what I have to hear in the locker room now?”

Paige sighs a little, kissing her teeth. “Trust, I’mma be hearing the same. Rike’s gonna laugh at me for the next week.” She doesn’t look too bothered though; instead, she nudges Tess with a coy grin. “The price we pay for love, right?”

Tess returns the grin, reaching out with her free hand to tug lightly at the hem of Paige’s Wings jersey. “Think you love me enough for a Bueckers-Kennedy jersey swap? Unless you’re too cool for my fuck ass purple jersey.”

“I am feeling charitable today,” Paige muses, but the excited expression on her face betrays her feigned nonchalance. She procures two sharpies from the scorer’s table, hands one to Tess, and pulls off her jersey. Tess tries not to stare too hard at Paige’s figure, but she knows she’ll be trending on Twitter after the clips surface. She can’t find it in herself to mind.

Bracing the jersey over her hand, she signs her name on the 2, and in the 5 she writes, “6.6.25 — long way from 2.8.21, but playing against you for the first time is always a date to remember. To my #5, I love you endlessly and I’m so proud of you.”

She finishes the same time Paige does and they swap their jerseys. Tess laughs in delight when she reads Paige’s message to her — the way she’s dotted her I with a lopsided little heart and how she scribbled in a tiny 2 next to the 5 on her jersey so it looks like 25. “6/6/25 — our first professional game against each other. Here’s to many more. I can’t wait for the first game we play with each other. I love you, #25. There’s no one else I want to do this with.”

“Looks like the distance turned you into a lover girl, too,” Tess jokes.

Paige wrinkles her nose, but the love and affection on her face is evident as she slips Tess’s jersey over her frame, looking far too proud. “Unlike you, I’m not ashamed to admit that,” Paige says, watching Tess do the same. The colors on their jerseys and their shorts don’t exactly match, but neither of them care. “I like this on you.” She tugs a little on the hem to be annoying and Tess swats her hand away. Paige grins.

“You mean it?” Tess asks instead of feeding into Paige’s ego. “You wanna be on the same team in the future?”

Paige’s face softens as she reaches for Tess’s hand. “Course I do. I know we haven’t been doing this very long, but you know I’m crazy about you. I can’t see myself settling down without you.”

Despite herself, Tess smiles, her expression far too tender to be standing in the middle of a basketball court with dozens of reporters milling about. She doesn’t care — as far as she’s concerned, she and Paige are the only ones in the room right now. “I feel the same,” she admits, taking in Paige’s beaming smile. “Just don’t think you can win a championship before me, though.”

Paige scoffs, but there’s no malice behind it, only amusement. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” she assures her, wrapping her arms around Tess’s waist and pulling her in to press a chaste, innocent kiss to her lips. “We’re 1-0 professionally right now. Think you can keep up?”

Tess laughs, knowing that at the end of the day, she truly doesn’t care about the win record. The distance is hard but it’s times like these that make up for it, when she’s reminded that she has everything she could ever need right in front of her. “You know I can,” she says confidently, and Paige’s grin is full of challenge.

“Then it’s game on.”

ii. i’m not arguing with a woman with pretty blue eyes (whatever you say beautiful)

JULY 2026

The All-Star break had been kind to Tess and Paige.

It was the first time in a while they’d been able to spend so much uninterrupted time together all season – the Wings and the Sparks had obviously been scheduled to play together, but in between flight times and team obligations, they were unable to spend a whole lot of time together before and after their games. With the All-Star game, which they were both (obviously) selected to play in, they both flew in the day before any of the festivities and were able to spend all of Thursday together. On Friday, they were basically attached at the hip for the Skills Challenge and the Three Point Contest (Paige shamelessly cheered for Tess, for the record). And on Saturday, they were on the same team for the All-Star Game. Tess wasn’t sure who allowed that to happen considering the two of them dominated from start to finish, but she sure wasn’t complaining.

It was the first time she’d played a game with Paige. Like, ever. At the All-Star game in 2025, they were on separate teams and they honestly spent the entire time talking shit to each other, much to the chagrin of their respective teammates, who accused them of flirting the entire time. It was most definitely not flirting – Tess at least had the decency to know her and Paige’s actual flirting was not court appropriate, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that Tess enjoyed playing with Paige. Maybe a little too much because there’s still a lot of time before free agency and she’s honestly not sure if a team could afford them both.

It was back to business following the All-Star break. Tess’s first game back with the Sparks was against the Mercury, who, bless them, were still rebuilding, and got steamrolled by them. Her second game back, however, was at home versus the Wings.

To be honest, she and Paige had gotten a lot better at handling the pre-game emotions. Sure, this game was different considering they’d spent the entirety of the All-Star break together so they weren’t down horrendous like they usually were, but missing each other was something that became easier with time.

Still, during warmups, they shared matching smiles and Paige even wandered over to wish her well. “Good luck scoring without my passes,” she said, which just made Tess roll her eyes.

“You have terrible ball security,” Tess responded, which made Paige’s eye twitch. “Let’s hope you shoot better than you take care of the ball.”

They stared at each other for a minute before giggling like they weren’t pushing 25. Then, they launched into the handshake they’d perfected halfway through their rookie seasons, and the game was underway.

For the most part, it was a typical Sparks vs. Wings game. Tess and Paige always seemed to play their best when it was against each other, which led to exciting match-ups and close games. Tess and Paige usually weren’t each other’s defensive assignments, but when they were, the entire arena seemed to hold its breath – watching the both of them go head to head was like watching two titans clash. They knew each other’s moves, tells, and weaknesses, and usually, it always ended with one of them having to pass the ball to someone else.

Halftime comes and goes and the third quarter begins with the two teams tied. And that’s when Tess’s muscle memory kicks in. She has the ball at the top of the key, scanning for an opening in the defense. Dijonai is stuck to her side – probably one of her toughest defensive match-ups on the Wings with the exception of Paige, and the Wings are playing lockdown coverage. Paige is to her right, locked up with Kelsey, and Kelsey breaks away from her to receive the ball.

Tess and Paige ran this specific play numerous times during the All-Star game. She just needs to kick it out to Kelsey, who’s making the cut, but Tess is thinking too hard about how she was passing the ball to Paige that she accidentally passes to the blonde, instead of Kelsey fucking Plum, her actual teammate. Paige recovers quickly from her confusion and takes it across the court for the easiest layup of her life.

Tess is sure she’s never been more embarrassed in her life. She watches her coach rub her temples in exasperation while the Sparks fans groan. But her coach isn’t calling for a timeout or calling Odyssey over to sub in for her, so she dutifully ignores the blush on her cheeks and tries to lock back in.

Paige is defending her while Kelsey directs traffic, but before she can get too far away, Paige grins mischievously at her, chirping, “Look at you racking up assists all point guard-y and shit. Look for the purple jerseys next time though, a’ight?”

(If Tess drains a three over Paige’s outstretched hand in response, well…that’s no one’s business but her own.)

iii. The Foul (tess and paige’s version)

SEPTEMBER 2027

Tess doesn’t think it’s in her nature to be petty.

At least, she’s not consciously petty. As in – it’s not the front she puts out to the world. Like the time she was feeling a type of way about Maddy Siegrist being weird in Paige’s Instagram comment section and she was being passive aggressive about the entire situation – Tess knew Maddy wasn’t even being weird. She was just upset that she and Paige were moving so far away from each other and regressed into an old version of herself that she didn’t particularly like.

Tess doesn’t like being petty. Or passive aggressive. But sometimes shit just happens and it’s so much easier to retreat into herself and to be silent (for the most part) because as much as she hates it, she feels things too strongly and can’t put her emotions into words in a constructive manner without exploding first. She hates hurting people – especially Paige, and she hates that it’s just so easy to hurt her, too.

The situation wasn’t even anything that deep. Tess knew that, but she’s not sure if her heart does. With the WNBA playoffs approaching, every top team in the league was working harder than ever to secure their seeding. Coach Roberts was working the Sparks to the bone and more often than not, Tess would drag her feet home and collapse into bed the minute she got in. Games were grueling, travel felt harder, and it’s at this point in the season where Tess has to treat herself with a little bit more kindness because it’s so easy for her to catastrophize.

It was nearing 10pm. Tess had just gotten home from an away game versus the Aces. Her body hurt – she took a hard foul from Deja Kelly (at least she got the free throws), she was exhausted, and most of all, she just wanted to hear Paige’s voice. Much like the Sparks, the Wings were at the top of the rankings and were fighting to secure their seeding. She knew Paige was working hard on and off the court. During times like these, it just means that they spend less time on the phone together – mostly because their practice schedules are so rigorous, they’re travelling, time zones suck, and when they do find themselves on FaceTime at night, one of them falls asleep fifteen minutes in.

But now? Tess is at her wits end. She just needs one thing and she’ll be fine. She’s sure there’s someone out there who will say that she has terrible emotional regulation, but all things considered, she really is fine. She has her friends and her teammates whom she relies on and her psychologist. Despite that, she’s just a little lonely in a way only Paige can fix and the exhaustion from the season just makes it worse. She glances down at her phone, taking in the lack of notifications.

Frowning, she opens her message thread with Paige, reading Paige’s last message to her from about an hour ago.

Just landed back in Dallas My phone is almost dead but I’ll try to FT when I’m home I love you 🫶

Tess had responded the same and Paige reacted to her message with the heart emoji. She checks her location, seeing that Paige is at her apartment. Tess knows she’s asleep – she knows this week has been rough on her in between training, playing, and travelling, and as much as Tess hates herself for feeling this way, she can’t help the way the disappointment blooms in her chest like a wildfire. It’s not Paige’s fault – it’s not either of their faults.

She shuts her phone off, plugging it into the charger and leaving it on the nightstand. She rolls onto her side, stretching out in a bed that’s far too big for one person as she pulls one of her pillows to her chest. Early in the morning, she’d be flying out to Dallas for their last game of the regular season against the Wings, and not even that knowledge can keep the frown off of her face.

With that said, Tess would, once again, like to reiterate that it’s not in her nature to be petty. And, truly, the subsequent silent treatment is more for Paige’s benefit than her own. Tess knows herself well enough to realize that when she’s in a terrible mood, speaking usually makes things worse. When she wakes up that morning, she finds an apology from Paige for missing their FaceTime. The worst part is that Paige is genuinely remorseful but Tess is just too stubborn to stop being upset about it.

When they make it to the Wings arena, they dress for warm-ups and head out. Tess is one of the last to leave the locker room, which is unusual for her, but when she makes it into the tunnel, she finds Paige waiting for her, a bouquet of flowers in hand. It makes her soften slightly, feeling a whole lot of guilt for being butthurt over something small, but part of her isn’t ready to let go of her anger.

“Hey,” Paige says, smiling gently like she knows she’s in the doghouse. It would make Tess mad all over again if she wasn’t aware of just how much Paige knew her – Tess knows that Paige knows she’s a little upset, but she’s more upset at herself for feeling upset right now. It’s a weird emotional balance Tess has never been good at explaining. The best thing about Paige is that she’s never needed her to. “I’m sorry for missing our call. I know you’re having a rough week.”

Tess offers a tentative smile, the sight of Paige doing wonders for her tired eyes. “It’s not an excuse to be butthurt. I know you’re not doing any better than me. I’m sorry too.” She takes the flowers from Paige’s outstretched hand, allowing her to pull her into a tight hug, one that she sinks into gratefully.

“I’m not,” Paige agrees with a forlorn sigh. “I passed out in my airport clothes last night. Now I got germs and pathogens and shit on my sheets.”

That makes Tess laugh, her chest feeling loose for the first time in a few weeks. It’s enough to remind her that this – being able to melt into Paige’s arms – is truly all she needed. Her bad mood dissolves, but she can’t bask for too long as Cam’s calling her from the end of the hall. Regretfully, they break away, but Paige presses a gentle kiss to her lips, one that makes her forget what she was moody about in the first place.

The game itself is different. Sparks versus Wings games always are. Maybe it has something to do with how Tess is playing against Paige again or how she’s playing with a smile on her face for the first time in weeks. Whatever the reason, Tess plays with a different kind of fire, a physicality that she doesn’t usually play with. Every time she’s defending Paige, they’re both grinning like they don’t have a shot clock ticking down or a seeding on the line, but the issue comes late in the fourth quarter.

The game is tied – as it always is – and Tess has possession of the ball with Paige sticking close by for defense. Cam steps in for a screen, but Paige doesn’t bite. Instead, in a rare move for the blonde, she accidentally barrels into Tess, who’s already off-balance from an uncharacteristic step-off. Tess lands flat on her ass while the ref calls the foul on Paige, who again, seems remorseful, but there’s a lingering, mischievous amusement in her gaze.

Paige steps behind her, arms wrapping around Tess’s waist and helping pull her up while she pushes herself to her feet. Paige is absolutely fucking shameless – her hands pressed tight to her stomach and her body pressing into Tess’s back like they’re in a dark corner of the club instead of in the middle of the court in a sold out arena. Tess turns on her heel, raising one brow in near disbelief at her girlfriend, who grins like she hasn’t done anything wrong, her hands in the air.

“You’re actually unbelievable,” Tess says, shaking her head, but she can’t keep the smile off her face.

“Was just tryna help you up,” Paige argues, still looking smug as ever, but she backs away, calling, “I’ll make it up to you!”

Tess rolls her eyes, a blush on her cheeks but her grin lingers. The ref passes the ball off to Kelsey to inbound and just like that – the game’s back underway, and all Tess can really do is smile.

iv. she wanted some of my deliciousness

OCTOBER 2028

Of course the first year the Sparks make it to the WNBA Championship, they’re up against the Wings.

Tess can’t even be surprised about it. Every championship she plays in always seems to have Paige on the other end of it, but honestly, she likes it this way. The games against Paige are always nail biters. They were the two people in the league who hated losing the most.

Knowing that, Tess really should have expected for the WNBA Championship to go to a game seven. Tess and the Sparks won the first match, then the Wings won the second and the third. The Sparks bounced back with the fourth and the fifth – both incredibly hard fought games for Tess, and then the Wings tied the series on the sixth game.

Tess has played against this Wings roster numerous times. She knows their strengths, their weaknesses, their physicality. But she honestly wasn’t prepared for how grueling a seven game, winner takes all series against them would be. Nobody made it more difficult for her than Paige did. She was on one from game one through game six, never once faltering, but Tess was never one to back down.

Game seven was different – for both of them. Paige was locked in from the get-go, banking in contested shots like it was effortless, directing traffic like she knew every one of the Sparks’ plays before Kelsey even called for them. She was a menace on defense, her expression one of pure fire, grit, and determination. More than anything, there was a simmering frustration. Tess could see that she was picking up the slack where her teammates were falling short. They were missing costly shots, forcing uncharacteristic passes that transformed into turnovers.

It all culminated late in the fourth quarter – the Sparks held a slim four point lead, one that Paige had cut from nine herself after a deep three and a contested midrange jumper. Tess was guarding her, her Coach having made the adjustment after she realized that Paige was taking the game into her own hands. Paige is at the top of the key, dribbling the ball and waiting for the perfect opening as her offense shifts. She steps forward, pressing Tess, but in her haste to set a screen, one of Paige’s teammates bumps harshly into Tess, sending her right into Paige’s body and knocking her down.

And somehow, in the haze of confusion, the foul is called on Tess instead of Maddy fucking Siegrist, and she’s pushing herself to her feet to plead her case to the ref when Paige starts chirping like it wasn’t her teammate’s fault.

“What the fuck was that?” Paige exclaims, her frustration and exhaustion bubbling over. Tess just blinks at her, the Wings staring at Paige hesitantly, unsure of if she’s actually pissed or if this was just a Tess and Paige thing that’s not actually that serious. They’re competitors – they argue and fight on the court, but off of it, it’s like it’s never happened. She waves her arms, gesturing widely in a way that reminds Tess of her father when he’s heated, and all she can do is raise a brow because there’s no way Paige is actually crashing out at her right now. “That’s a fucking flagrant, Tess, what the f–”

Tired of hearing her complain, Tess leans forward to plant a kiss right on Paige’s lips, shutting her up while the refs step in, pushing them away from each other. Paige just blinks in confusion while Tess grins smugly, always wanting to recreate that Diana Taurasi and Seimone Augustus clip but never having the optimal opportunity for it. “You can apologize to me later!” Tess calls, letting Cameron drag her away from the scene. “Coach, please tell me you’re challenging that call?”

Her coach does challenge it, the refs giving the personal foul to Maddy instead, as it should be. Tess watches Paige from across the court, her expression softening with guilt as she watches the replay.

(For the record, Paige does apologize later, after the celebrations and Tess has taken sufficient pictures with the championship trophy. And, she supposes, Paige makes up for it with interest a month later in Italy when she proposes, and Tess finds that she likes this ring a whole lot more than the one she’d won.)

v. bonus: the one time tess and paige remembered they were on the same team

MAY 2029

The last time Tess had ever played in what felt like a monumental preseason game, it was her first preseason game in the WNBA as a Los Angeles Spark. They’re preseason for a reason – the stats don’t count and they’re just a good way of seeing how your team stacks up against other people in the league.

But this game? This one is different.

She’s dressed head to toe in the Valkyries purple uniform, BUECKERS-KENNEDY stitched proudly on the back. To her right, Paige, wearing a matching uniform, last name on the back and all, stretches her legs out one last time before tip-off against Tess’s old team, the Sparks. And, to be honest, Tess can’t believe that they’re here, together, on the same team after so many years of being competitors. She can’t believe the Valkyries actually signed the both of them, that the team has welcomed the both of them in with open arms, but this opportunity feels more like a blessing than anything else. It feels like a Welcome to the first day of your future.

Tess and Paige had bought a house in the Bay. They would settle down here, retire as Golden State Valkyries. They both knew they’d end up coaching somewhere along the line. They knew they’d raise their children here when the time came. Right now, it just feels like the perfect prelude to forever, the perfect capstone to an arduous journey. While the hard part of it is over, Tess knows that the rest of her life will be an adventure as long as Paige is in it.

Paige catches her wrist, smiling softly at her when she startles. “You good?” she asks gently. There were still a few moments until tipoff, but the fact that Paige is taking the time now to check in with Tess makes her feel warm all over.

“Yeah,” Tess responds, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her face. “I’m perfect.” Paige’s eyes search hers, knowing instinctively that Tess wants to say more but granting her the time to find her words. “I’m just happy we get to do this together,” she admits. “You’re the only one I want to do this with.”

Paige’s grin turns a little tender, affection shining in her gaze. “How’s forever sound?”

Tess’s smile widens. “Perfect.”

They line up for tip-off, taking their respective places. Before the ref walks over with the ball, Paige calls out to her, “Remember to write this on your jersey, too. May 4th, 2029. Just another first game, yeah?” Tess is sure she looks a little strange – smiling before the game’s even started, but she can’t find it in herself to mind too much.

Paige assists her on her first three as a Valkyrie. It’s a little full circle, she thinks, for her first points to be scored with her wife. For Paige’s first assist to be to her. It’s every bit as monumental as she’d expected.

And, sure, it’s just a preseason match-up, but Tess finds that she really likes hearing, “Bueckers-Kennedy to Bueckers-Kennedy for three…it’s good!”