#and to say 'American' so clearly and so many times oh is so *chefs kiss*

[jynjackets]

I finally watched The Creator and holy shit why didn’t any of you tell me it was going to be that beautiful

[mcustorm]

Thoughts on Love, Victor Season 1

PSA: If you think that you might be gay, don’t get a girl emotionally invested! Please!

Ya know, at first when I thought about what I was going to write about this show, I thought that I should split the writings into the first half/last half of the show. Now I’m thinking “screw it”, if only because if I was going to go that route I should have stopped, parsed through my feelings about the first 5 episodes, and written those thoughts before proceeding with the next half. That, of course, did not happen, so to prevent the back half of the season’s events from miring the first half, I’ll just write about the whole shebang. There’s probably a joke about that word somewhere, I’ll try not to make it.

Anyways, let’s start by saying that on the whole, I really liked this show. It was not as good as Sex Education season 1, yet in my opinion waaaay better than HSMTMTS season 1. Most of the characters were likable and felt developed enough, it moved at a nice pace, and you can tell that a lot of heart went into this. Perhaps because we all watched this in a day, it felt like a 5 hour movie rather than a 10 episode tv show.

Additionally, I of course like the Latinx representation. The intersectionality of the Latinx community and the LGBTQ+ community has been presented on at least five TV shows to my knowledge: Ugly Betty, One Day at a Time, Diary of a Future President, The Baker and the Beauty, and now Love, Victor. Let’s keep it up!

As for the premise of the show itself, I *love* that this show acknowledges that Simon’s journey, at least at his house, was leaps and bounds easier than many other people’s. Victor’s parents are more conservative and religious, and they don’t have their shit together, so this is not the best environment to drop that bombshell in (which is why it was so incredible when Victor decides to do it anyway). Simon and Victor’s DM’s being a framing device for the show was a great way to tie the universe together.

The hook of Love, Simon was that you know all those cheesy and cliche rom-coms that straight people have gotten since the dawn of time? Well LGBT people deserve those stories too! Love, Victor is sort of presented with that same thesis in mind, which is why watching these episodes felt like different things I’ve seen before all over. The whole season ironically feels like Alex Strangelove: The TV Show, right down to the often cringy relationship with the girl, the openly gay love interest who conflicts our protagonist, and the goofball friend who chases after a girl who is seemingly out of his league.

Mia’s character felt a lot like Laila from All-American, being a black girl who is ordained as the hottest girl at school (which I feel like is a title only given in fictional schools), who also has a missing mother and problems with her rich dad. Pilar, on the other hand, feels like Casey from Atypical, in that she is openly rebellious in large part because of her mother’s infidelity.

Victor’s story this season sure was something to watch. The biggest question for me was, just how much sympathy should he be given? The world is inherently unfair to Victor. None of us should have to go through the agony and anxiety that so often comes with being in the closet and coming out. But for Victor to have visited those problems on Mia, who is going through things herself? That makes him pretty morally gray.

But he was still finding himself! But he loves Mia, just not like that! I get it, which is why he should have cut things off as soon as he got back from New York, no he should have cut things off when she asked him if there was “anything else” in her bedroom, no he should have cut things off when he literally felt like he and Benji were the only two people in the room at the concert, no he really shouldn’t have done this to begin with.

The line between Victor finding himself and him deceiving Mia is the conflict of the show, but the moment for me when I was like “Damn, Victor” was after he intentionally derailed Mia’s shebang-ing that she planned, he found the gall to lie to Benji and plan a seduction! That is why the season finale was so glorious. Because yes, while the world is unfair to Victor, he’s being unfair to the people around him.

I have made it a point not to read other people’s opinions extensively so as not to bias my own thoughts, but is Felix everybody else’s favorite? Felix’s character and arc was great. He was a supportive friend yet still felt like he had a story and stakes of his own, something which some TV shows get right (Sex Ed) and some TV shows get various shades of wrong (Jamie Johnson, Andi Mack). I like that he knew his worth and cut things off with Lake, and I like that she realized that her happiness with him should take priority over what others think of her.

I was soooo sympathetic to Mia. Her world is being turned upside down at home. Clearly, she has not even processed her mother being out of her life, and now her Dad is “replacing” her Mom while the baby is also “replacing” her! In Mia’s eyes, at least. Mia just needs to know that she is loved and appreciated. Which she *thought* of all people she’d be able to get from her boyfriend. Shucks.

As for the rest of Victor’s family, I also thought the parents’ storyline was pretty interesting yet unfortunate. Armando just can’t come around to trusting Isabel, which I actually kind of understand. Isabel, meanwhile, is being prevented from doing the thing she loves to do, which sucks especially because she’s in a radically new environment. Adrian is of course great, protect him at all costs. Pilar’s seemingly permanent mode of “angsty” is completely justified, as her friends back in TX are moving on just fine without her, she’s having trouble opening up and fitting in, and her family is WYLIN.

Some things that didn’t go so well for me was Andrew’s character, who feels like he’s just there to obstruct at any given moment. Y'all knew that when Victor and Benji were having that convo in the bathroom, someone was in the stall and someone was Andrew. Also, my guy, how are you not even somewhat aware that you are a total douchecanoe? I liked Benji, but Venji didn’t quite work for me because of all of the cheatation that it took to get there. Benji was pissed and ready to stay away from Victor permanently after the [attempted seduction], but once his relationship was over he was completely fine with putting his tongue down Mia’s boyfriend’s throat.

Overall, I really enjoyed this show. Some of these teen dramas I’m admittedly only watching for the LGBT content, so to have that be at the forefront of a show for once was amazing. The conflict was realistic if frustrating, and to me most of the characters seemed fully realized. Thankfully, the show didn’t even feel too “spin-offy” even with Nick Robinson being all over it.

In any given multi-season serialized show, the trajectory of the show goes one of two ways: the first season puts your feet on the ground of the series, and then later seasons go above and beyond with the storytelling (The Office, Breaking Bad, Bojack Horseman, Jamie Johnson) OR the first season is pretty great TV, and the following seasons fail to live up to its glory (The Good Place, Dear White People, really most every Netflix show ever). Which category Love, Victor ends up in is something to look forward to. Where do we go from here now that Victor is taking his first steps out of the closet?

Stray thoughts from the episodes:

The soundtrack on the whole, was not my cup of tea. I still liked a couple of songs, so that means somebody out there liked more of them.

I completely forgot Natasha Rothwell was in Love, Simon. More of her! More of Ali Wong! More of Beth Littleford! They were all great.

So Roger got his ass beat by Armando, and he still wants to get back with her?? Roger is reckless, man.

Speaking of reckless, Victor’s closet skills completely fell apart towards the end there. Assume somebody’s always watching!

Lake’s mother is a trip.

Good for the family for standing up to the grandparents.

Oh my god, Simon and Bram. Those guys are mine, and now they’re growing up and moving to the Big Gay City. They’ve come a long way.

Speaking of the Big Gay City, we were in Atlanta for a season and got *0* acknowledgement of the vibrant gay community there. More things to look forward to.

Was anybody else singing Selena along with Isabel? That is my favorite Selena song!

By rule of Felix being a male and Pilar being a female close in age, I immediately thought they were going to be a thing. The writers didn’t pull that thread too much...

That moment at the end there when we all thought Victor was going to hold off on his announcement only for him to go “fuck it” and say it anyways? And then he got to exhale? Perfect. chef’s kiss

What with June being Pride month, the SCOTUS ruling a couple of days ago, this entire show premiering today, and Delliot things going down in less than 24 hours, this will likely be the gayest week of the year. I suggest we all enjoy it.

Stay Peachy!

[yaffles-world]

Halloween - Noriaki Kakyoin X Jotaro Kujo

Kakyoin claimed Christmas as his realm. Jotaro didn’t mind that too much – sure he complained but it was Kakyoin and he clearly loved it. Jotaro didn’t care much for holidays – Kakyoin was always the festive one. But Kakyoin’s family didn’t celebrate Halloween – not for any serious reason they were just disinterested. Kakyoin had never been able to go to any Halloween celebrations as a child but he’d always looked upon them with curiosity. 

So, Jotaro broke his festive rule this celebration. Jotaro had grown up with quite a bit of American influence from his mother and his grandparents- Joseph loved Halloween. So Jotaro decided to take the lead on this one. 

He stayed up all night doing up decorations. He put up cobwebs and put filters on the lights to make them spooky. He put fake creepy crawlies everywhere. Jotaro set up skeletons and various other spooky decorations too. Then he went to wake Kakyoin. 

Jotaro felt kind of embarrassed doing all this stuff and buying so many stupid decorations. But every time he felt tired, or embarrassed, or any other typical Jotaro emotion, he remembered why he was doing it. To fix that sad look on Kakyoin’s face last year when they didn’t set up their own spooky house – he hadn’t even thought of it, but Kakyoin looked helpless and lost. He found out too late for last year not this time. That thought made him keep going. 

He held a flash light under his chin and tapped Kakyoin on his shoulder to wake him. Putting on his scariest voice he said, “Are you ready for the spookiest day of the year?” 

Kakyoin slowly opened his eyes, but when he started to process what was going on around him his eyes widened with surprise. “Mr Joestar? How did you get into my room?” he mumbled, groggily. “Wait,  Jotaro? That's even scarier...”

Jotaro punched Kakyoin's shoulder playfully. “Come on, my little demon,” Jotaro winked, “We have a lot of work to do.”

Kakyoin’s eyes lit up when he sees the decorations. “Wow,  JoJo, this is amazing.” 

Jotaro sighed, trying to hide the red tinge to his cheeks. “Yare yare, don’t mention it.” 

They banked little ghost meringues, and skeleton cookies. They carved punpkins together - Kakyoin was a natural and his looked elegant and beautiful whereas Jotaro’s was scarily bad. Kakyoin as always still showered it and Jotaro with compliments. 

“So we're hosting the little gathering this year,” Jotaro said, “I do know how much it means to you, so I wanted to surprise you.”

Kakyoin's eyes widened excitedly but suddenly he furrowed his brow. “I appreciate that but I didn't think we were doing any Halloween celebrations... I don't have a costume...”

“Hey don't worry,  I got it covered.” 

Jotaro took Kakyoin into their room and pulled out a plain sheet with eye holes cut out. It was simple but Kakyoin loved it.

“See... I had to get something that would cover your face because your face is just too cute...” Jotaro mumbled. 

Kakyoin's mouth opened wide in fake offense. “Excuse you,  I can be very scary.” Kakyoin scrunched up his face and growled.

Jotaro giggled despite himself and have Kakyoin a kiss. “You are not scary.”

“Well where's your costume?” Kakyoin asked.

“See I don't need a costume because I am scary,” Jotaro replied.

“Oh...” Kakyoin said, “Well,  I guess that's okay... you've put so much effort in already...” 

Jotaro sighed. “Yare yare daze, guess we’re ghost buddies.”

“Oh my god,” Kakyoin squealed, “a couple's costume!”

Later that night,  the others came. Polneraff dressed as a fancy restaurant chef, Avdol as a chicken, and Mr Joestar as Indiana Jones. 

“Welcome, come in,” Kakyoin said. 

“Wait, one more thing.” Jotaro said, “it's time for you to go trick or treating for the first time.”

Needless to say,  they got mixed reception, but they still got a damn good amount of candy. They spent the whole night dancing watching scary movies, playing scary ganged, telling scary stories. Real scary stuff. At the end of the night Kakyoin turned to Jotaro.

“Thank you. I had an amazing time. It's nice to see you get into this stuff.” 

“Don't get used to it,” Jotaro smiled, “goodnight my little demon.” 

“Goodnight.” 

[expression-in-its-essence]

The Goldfinch movie.

7 min 26 secs in : Why the fuck did they start the movie like that. Why didn't the explosion take place? Theo's mom's apartment? His anxiety? Also.. why do they keep cutting the scenes abruptly? They ain't tweets... No limit.. then??

8 min 2 sec in : Okay they went to the apartment. Audrey's sweater deserved more screen time. The lipstain on the mug in focus *chef's kiss* poetic cinema!

9 min 19 sec in : Do you see what I see? Tom Cable's face has a stark resemblance to Boris's face. Did Theo have a crush on him?

9 min 54 sec in : Mr Barbour's hand is shaking. I like that they put it in there. He was sick. Nice. (I'd imagined Audrey's apartment building entrance like they showed the Barbour's apartment building entrance. Wild.)

11 min 8 sec in : Don't shove it into his face that y'all are fancy okay? He's not used to that life style. He didn't have maids making his bed. ARE YOU GIVING HIM DRUGS, MRS BARBOUR? But you just glared at your husband for offering him the same sort of thing?? Oh God. Poor child. "it's perfectly understandable" my ass. You gave him meds just because your sleep was getting affected.

14 min 39 sec : Woah woah woah Theo wtf you're so smol how'd you do that? Also... Again. The frame of Theo and Tom standing close and Theo and Boris standing close when they kissed, Theo is wearing the same damn sweater.

16 min 58 sec in : Ayyyy Jeffery Wright!

20 min 33 sec in : "He drank a lot", Theo about his dad. Honey just wait up, you will too. (The grilled sandwich and the cute lil smile 😍 also this is the first time since the movie started that Oakes' voice isn't deep.)

23 min 54 sec in : Wizard of Oz poster, I see you!

24 min 19 sec in : I love how Oakes is expressing being caught off guard. Theo knows he did something bad and every time he's dealing with something he didn't expect to deal with, he's like OMG THEY KNOW ABOUT THE PAINTING AND IM FUCKED even if no one knows.

25 min 1 sec in : The glasses made a difference. He went from mature to cute. Angry bird to angry birb.

25 min 44 sec in : Another sweater? Or was this THE sweater of Audrey? (Off topic but Oakes is hella cute. I could murder anyone who hurts him.)

29 min 9 sec in : Pippa doesn't remember or doesn't wanna remember? There was something in her eyes that was hard to read. Also, why doesn't anyone say 'I'm sorry about your mom' to Theo? Do Americans not care? It's weird to see no response when he tells people that Audrey is dead.

31 min 17 sec in : "The Goldfinch, destroyed"? Then why is Theo upset. Good riddance. Oh yeah. I know why. It's Donna Tartt we're talking about.

32 min 39 sec in : Hobie just casually predicting the future. "It's only fake if you pass it on as an original". Theo's like, "noted, gonna do exactly that".

34 min 16 sec in : Why does Theo write like a five year old child? That's toddler handwriting! And omg all the Andy-prom-dress memes are making sense now. (Also did I mention that Mrs Barbour seems more selfish in the film than she does in the book. Like hey I'm putting up with this kid because he helps my kid. He's serving a purpose for me. What the hell.) (How old is Andy anyway? He looks younger than Theo. I think he's different. Didn't grow up like other kids. That was mentioned in the book right?)

35 min 20 sec in : Ayyy Hobie's earring!

35 min 49 sec in : He shopped for himself? Nice! Didn't know kids could shop without adult supervision in the West. (Because they can't in the East.)

35 min 50 sec in : Ayyyy Sarah Paulson! Damn she's hot. How can you dislike her? *heart eyes*

37 min 30 sec in : I can't bring myself to hate Luke Wilson since Skeleton Twins but SHUT THE FUCK UP LARRY! AUDREY DESERVED BETTER. Look at how Larry and Xandra are looking at the place like they're vultures.

39 min 34 sec : They got the airport scene right. STOP GIVING HIM DRUGS WTH IS WRONG WITH THE ADULTS IN THIS MOVIE!

41 min 12 sec in : Ayyy Popper!!!!!

43 min 27 sec in : It just dawned on Theo that he's alone. Oh god. My poor baby.

45 min 12 sec in : Let me take this moment to say that Ashleigh Cummings is pretty. And I finally get why y'all were pissed at the non linear storyline and the weird voiceovers. Guess I'd been prepared for that so it didn't really suck that much.

49 min 30 sec in : I'd imagined Boreo reunion like the Platt Theo reunion. In the day. Dang it. Also... Adult Platt Barbour was not supposed to be good looking? In the book?

55 min 34 sec in : Without context, none of it could make sense. Apologies to whoever didn't read the book beforehand. Crowley fucked this up.

58 min in : Ayyyy Finn Wolfhard! BORIS IS HERE AND IM SO EXCITED IDK WHY

1 hour in : It's such a Boris thing to leave the bag unzipped.

1 hour 3 min 20 sec in : Slumdog Millionaire's Jai Ho (2008) is playing in the background. The only song that I've recognized so far. Wow. Lets me know about the time setting. Nice.

1 hr 3 min in : Someone gif " That cost twenty dollars!" *Stare* "That would have cost twenty dollars!"

1 hr 8 min in : So Boris's room is exactly like I had imagined but Theo's room isn't. Boris just mentioned Kotku though.

1 hr 9 min 14 sec in : Isn't it hella hot in Vegas? Why are they wearing sweaters? Or does drug intake make you more vulnerable to the environment?

1 hr 10 min 15 sec in : Xandra Theo argument : gold. "Cocktail sausages that you like." I wanna laugh in Crowley's face. What was he thinking?? Omg I'm dying.

1 hr 11 min 17 sec in : The slap sound didn't work??

1 hr 13 min 53 sec in : I like serious Boris better.

1 hr 14 min in : The slum house Audrey dream thing was not in the book. That's an entirely new addition.

1 hr 18 min 26 sec in : The Welty Theo scene is awesome. The sound effects work. I feel suffocated. The ambulance noise fiasco is also nicely pulled off. (also Theo's Yellow bag was dirty af then how did it get all clean when he didn't even do anything to it?)

1 hr 20 min 57 sec in : Shhhh Potter.

1 hr 22 min in : Holy shit he got slapped twice!! Ouch! And Larry's audacity to tell Theo to stop with the crying?? Good thing he died. Asshole.

1 hr 25 min in : "You don't tell me a lot of things but that's okay". I see what you did there, Boris. Which was of course, I love you.

1 hr 26 min in : "Act normal" - Theo knows his way around drugs pretty well, doesn't he?

1 hr 30 min in : "No family No friends" line punched me in the face. (Also awww popchik's excuse was the last resort for Boris to make Theo stay.)

1 hr 31 min 17 sec in : That pause after "What do you have to tell me?". You can clearly see Boris struggling to hold something back. Which was of course, I love you.

1 hr 31 min 34 sec in : What the fuck is that music? Oh heyyyyyy they kissed!-- he fucking runs away?? Also what kind of a kangaroo runs like that? (Yes, the taxi driver watched. I don't have to wonder anymore.) (They didn't address why he took the bus instead of flying?)

1 hr 33 min in : I didn't imagine Welty's room like that at all. Also why doesn't Hobie seem happy to see Theo again?

1 hr 35 min in : Longer stretches of one storyline are kinda bearable. From drugs in storage unit to waking up beside Kitsey. We got Vegas and Young Theo. Nice. (Also, who the heck puts jewelry in shoes? Is Theo that dumb? And now I can't think of anything else than Boris piercing his ear for the emerald earring. Tumblr has fucked it up bad.)

1 hr 43 min in : They nailed the Kitsey Theo confrontation.

1 hr 44 min in : Ayyy Ozma of Oz!

1 hr 48 min in : I noticed it before but I wasn't sure... Now I am. Pippa has Welty's ring. On her finger. At all times. (also, is NYC always that noisy? Must suck to walk on the roads.)

1 hr 52 min 23 sec in : They nailed the Theo Pippa date. What's that song playing in the background? I want the name. It's almost like two hours and I still haven't seen Aneurin Barnard once. Why! (Jerome's mentioned in the movie btw.)

1 hr 52 min 51 sec in : Complained too soon. Boris is sat in the dark doing god knows what. My man Aneurin is here!

1 hr 53 min 37 sec in : BOREO REUNIONNNNNN - no don't look at me like that I only watched it thrice.

1 hr 56 min in : Boris saying "it's someone else" with a knowing look and Theo looking at him. The frickin yearning.

1 hr 57 min in : Boris is like you're unhappy, I'm here, we're both rich, let's f*ck. "We could"... What are you suggesting dude he's repressed!

1 hr 58 min in : "you unwrapped it and showed it to me." So many meanings. The heart, the love the soul... Wow. Good for you, screen play writers! ( It's kinda hilarious how Boris got mad at Theo for never quote unquote fucking opening it.)

2 hr 1 min in : I'm calling it. They're going to fuck up the Theo Hobie confrontation. They put it on the wrong time. And they also fucked up the text from the book.

2 hr 5 min 48 sec in : Even Platt is saving his sister's face. Also where did Todd go? Did he never grow up? I wish Mrs Barbour didn't use Theo like she did.

2 hr 7 min in : The frame where Boris is between Kitsey and Theo. Chef's kiss.

2 hr 10 min 54 sec in : *intense music playing* Boris put his leg up on the table and I burst into laughter THOSE ARE THE FAMOUS FUCK ME PUMPS.

2 hr 11 min in : AAAAA THE FOREHEAD TOUCH AAAAAAA (Theo just knows without looking that Boris is close enough to touch? Theo are you sure you don't feel feelings for him?)

2 hr 12 min in : Theo is so worried that I'm not sure if it's for Boris or for losing the painting again. Omg he just murdered a man. Oh god.

2 hr 14 min in : Theo is spiralling. In the movie they imply that Hobie played a part in him attempting suicide. So wrong. Poor Hobie. In the book that wasn't the case.

2 hr 15 min in : The transition of the Goldfinch into Audrey, wow. Also, is it the first time we're seeing her? The movie started so long ago that I've forgotten if I saw Theo and Audrey in the museum. Boris following right after Audrey? That's a subliminal message. Boris is here to rescue y'all.

2 hr 16 min in : No shit Boris is freaking out right now.

2 hr 17 min in : The diner scene. They're both crying. "Happy Christmas, Potter" - which was of course, I love you.

2 hr 18 min in : No don't you dare compare Audrey and Mrs Barbour. Audrey would never drug her child or use him for her benefit.

2 hr 20 min in : Poor kid bumps into his mom lol. I found it funny.

On the whole

The movie was nice if you'd read the book beforehand. The first hour was steak, The second hour was Korean BBQ and the rest of the twenty minutes were minced beef. If you get what I mean. Weird analogy. It could have been much better. But it was really very nice in some places. Most places I'd say.

I didn't like how the pop songs ruined the mood of certain moments. I didn't like how you couldn't hear the conversation over the music playing. For example in the engagement party when Platt and Theo talked. Or in the diner scene.

Both Borises killed the accent thing. They tried their best. Cut them some slack.

Oakes deserves an Oscar for holding up this movie on his smol shoulders. I was shook at how a kid could act that well.

Popchik deserved more screen time. I'm still pissed they didn't add the Popchik Boris reunion. But then they couldn't make it chronological, what were we supposed to expect anyway.

Ansel Elgort y'all. Theo sure improved his handwriting lol. Ansel's writing is nice. He was actually good in this movie. Better than he was in The Fault In Our Stars. The internet is just mean. The critics too. I will never understand the hate.

All in all, it could have been a better adaptation but it didn't suck as bad as everyone made it out to be. John Clownery should be punished nonetheless. Special shout-out to Roger Deakins for making it work.

[badsext]

idk if you're still taking requests but i'd love some more robert/klaus smut bc i think i've read all there is up to date lol, was thinking something hella dirty with a the reader being british, also bonus if it ends with someone else walking in on them ;)))

Kitchen Heat: Robert Sheehan x Female Reader

Thanks for the request, anon!  Requests and comments make me so happy! I hope you enjoy!

Words: ~1800

Warnings: It’s pretty smutty :)

After years of culinary school and working as a sous chef in some of the top restaurants in the UK, you decided to move to Los Angeles to open your own restaurant.  The concept: classic British comfort foods updated to suit the health conscious and eclectic millennial palate.  You had recently been graced with a glowing four star write up in Food and Wine magazine which created quite a buzz.  It also drew the attention of your celebrity obsession, Robert Sheehan.  You’d been a devoted fan ever since Misfits.

The first time he came in the place was jammed!  Your staff struggled to keep up with the demand, but you didn’t want to turn anyone away.  The host seated Robert and his friends at a table far enough away from the kitchen to be considered a good table, but close enough that you had sight lines through the narrow kitchen window.  You observed him talking and gesturing enthusiastically with his friends, imagining what he might be saying about your food.  Whatever it was, he looked pleased and your heart swelled with excitement.

That’s when Kim, the waitress came back into the kitchen saying, “Robert wants to meet the chef.” You nearly had to pick yourself off the floor at the news. 

“Tell them I’ll see them straight away,” you said, imitating confidence.  You ran back to the loo to put yourself together.  Working in a busy kitchen has a way of making you look like you’ve been running a marathon through a food fight.  You took off your apron, restyled your bun and applied a bit of powder to manage the shine.  You looked in the mirror and smiled sarcastically at your reflection.  This was about as good as it was going to get without a shower and a change of clothes.  You bravely walked out to the dining room for Roberts critique.

He smiled and got up from the table when he saw you.  He started clapping and his friends joined.  It was surreal.  The blush heated your cheeks.  You took a little bow in response. 

“Y/N, this food is…I can’t describe it…In tastes like the past and the future.  It’s delicious.  I love it.,” he said, gesturing wildly with his hands. 

You laughed. “Wow, thank you, Robert…I don’t know what to say.“  You really didn’t.

You sat down for a few minutes to chat with the group.  Kim brought you a glass of wine, turned away from Robert, her eyes wide, mouthing the words ‘oh my god.’ You tried so desperately to act casual at first until you actually did feel at ease with your new friends.  Robert was so warm and kind.  He had so many questions.  You tried to learn about his current project but he kept bringing the conversation back to the restaurant and the food.  He was really enthusiastic. 

You soon realized that you were needed back in the kitchen, so you excused yourself and went back to your frazzled kitchen staff.  Your memory of those moments with Robert would be etched into your brain forever.  Now it was back to reality, whisking and chopping, searing and garnishing tall, savory dishes long into the night.

A few weeks later Robert returned to the restaurant.  He was alone this time. It was odd seeing a celebrity dining alone.  He ordered the beef wellington and a glass of red.  He was reading something.  A script maybe?  Kim came back to tell you that he had tipped her a hundred bucks, said he wanted to camp out at the table for the rest of the night.  "I think he’s waiting for you,” she said gently digging her elbow into your ribs.

Your heart started pumping at double speed.  Maybe he was interested in you. God knows you had been fantasizing about him for nearly a decade.  After meeting the real Robert, maybe those fantasies weren’t so crazy after all.  It looked like he was actually a fan of yours.  That realization lit a spark in you as you swaggered out into the dining room and up to Robert’s table, sliding into the booth across from him.  “Hello, Robert.”

He dropped his script, clearly flustered. “Y/N, you surprised me!”

“You came back.”

“Well, the food is amazing and I think I’ve got a thing for the chef,” he said with a shy smile.

“A thing, you say? Let’s explore that, shall we?” You looked down at your watch.  "The restaurant closes in twenty minutes.  I could give you a private tour of the kitchen, then we can hit the pub or something."   

"Yes! I like this plan,” he said grinning. 

You spent the next twenty minutes in a daze of growing anticipation.  You made stupid little mistakes trying to manage the final clean up and prep for the next day.  The cooks and sous chef were headed for the pub.  They asked if you’d be joining them. You mumbled something noncommittal and focused on pulling yourself together.  You were now just seconds away from being alone with Robert.

“Everyone’s gone.  Come with me,” you said, grabbing his hand, surprising yourself with your boldness.  The touch of his skin sent electricity to your brain and back down to the heat between your legs.

The overhead lights were off and pilot light from the stove cast a gentle glow when you entered the kitchen.  Robert stepped in close to you, still holding your hand.  "I’ve had everything on your menu.  His head tilted slightly and his gorgeous green eyes looked deeper into yours.  “Is there something else I can try?”

You smiled, acknowledging the innuendo, but decided it would be more fun to tease him. “I’ve got a new desert I’m working on.  It’s a bit like classic trifle, but I’ve added an American twist.  You went over to the walk-in and returned with your latest experiment.  Robert leaned forward curiously, tucking a wayward curl behind his ear.  He watched intently while you assembled the sponge cake, fresh berries, and cream.  "Let’s see if you can guess the secret ingredient.”  You dipped a strawberry in the cream and slowly brought it up to his lips.  He opened his mouth and devoured it sensually, closing his eyes then moaned softly and exhaled. God, everything this man does is erotic, you thought as you watched him swallow the desert.  You inched closer until your lips were a few centimeters from his. “Bourbon,” you whispered. “It’s the secret ingredient.”

“I didn’t have a chance to guess,” he laughed. You studied his long, curly lashes as he blinked. In what felt like slow motion, his lips finally met yours.  You drew a suddenly necessary breath in through your nose, wondering if this was real.  He slid his hands up around the back of your neck and gently slid his tongue into your mouth.  You tasted the lingering sweetness from the strawberry and creme as your tongue mingled with his.  You hooked your arms around his waist. He pressed his body to yours.  Even through your double breasted, heat resistant chef’s coat you could feel his stiff cock pressed against you.

His hands slid down to the buttons of your coat.  He managed the first few, then became frustrated. He pulled away from the kiss with an audible wet smack.  “So may buttons,” he lamented with furrowed brows.  You giggled and finished the job, removing the coat.  Your clingy T-shirt was damp with sweat.  You cringed for a second, worried that would kill the mood, but quite the opposite happened.  Robert was intoxicated by your scent.  He kissed your damp neck, peeled the T-shirt up over your head, then removed his own.  His smooth chest and lean muscles took your breath away. 

You thought for a second about the fact that this was happening in your kitchen.  You were about to break every rule in the book, but that just excited you more.  Besides, you’d sanitize the whole goddam place in the morning anyway. 

You hooked your index finger into Robert’s ridiculously low waistband.  You heard the anticipation in his breath.  He grabbed your wrist, and turned your hand over in his so he could softly kiss your palm.  “Not yet,” he said.  You started walking toward the empty stainless steel prep table, looking back at him over your shoulder.  He grabbed your hips and positioned himself behind you, answering your non verbal question.  Then he kissed your back and shoulder blades as you unclasped your bra.  His wet kisses sent shudders down your spine.  He cupped your breasts and gently pinched your nipples while grinding his cock against the small of your back. 

Your pussy was already soaked when you both started feverishly wrestling with your pants.  You kicked off your shoes and Robert took care of the rest.  You stood before him naked but for your socks.  He gave you a boost up onto the table, your knees spread apart.  You leaned forward placing both palms down in front of you.  Robert’s hands grabbed two handfuls of your ripe ass.  You whimpered when he ran his fingers up and down your wet slit, then gasped when he eased them inside you.

You were about to get off on his fingers alone when he slowly pulled them out and replaced them with his mouth.  His lips and tongue explored every part of you from your clit to your asshole and back again. He made swirling rhythmic motions that made you twitch and moan until you came like an earthquake.

Rob guided you down off the table until your feet were back on the ground and gently bent you over. Then he slid his cock inside you, bucking his hips until he was as deep as it would go.  He grabbed your hips and began grinding and thrusting.  Your nipples grazed against the cold stainless steel table with every movement, adding to your pleasure.  Just as you were rounding the corner to your second orgasm the lights flicked on.  You shrieked.  

“Oh shit!”  Kim screamed and shielded her eyes with her hand like you do in the bright sun.  You and Rob tried to cover up the best you could, using your hands as fig leaves. Kim laughed nervously.  “Well, you two…keep calm, carry on,” she mumbled and turned to go, forgetting why she came back in the first place.  “My phone”…she reached awkwardly for the object on the counter… “forgot my phone.”  Then she bolted for the door.  As soon as she was gone you both burst out laughing.

“Y/N, I don’t mean to sound forward, but would you like to come over to my place?”  

You laughed and nodded.  "That sounds lovely, Rob.”

Want more?

@moorehollandplz @helena-way07 @turtlease @zohrayoung @vices-brendon @fangirl110603 @addan-anye @wow4stories @clockworkchild @isabellagiron@lilim13 @becka1703 @this-bitch-actually @ineffablecrowley666 @tootsie-noodels @ohyoubringmejoy @yeetskeetbuddy @klaushollandyoung

[afjakwritesarchive]

NWC 21

Here’s a super late NWC to make up for the days I’ve been missing! I will be posting more to make up over the next few days! 

Pairing: USUK Words: 1,695 Rating: T AU: human Genre: Romance/comedy Summary:  Alfred participates in an auction where bidders compete for a date with contestants. Arthur bids a ridiculous amount of money on him. 

Arthur walks into Francis' Bonnefoy's extravagant mansion too late to be considered fashionably late. He's ushered into the coat closet by a man in a suit and he hands his jacket over. From there, a woman dressed in the same uniform leads him to the newly finished ballroom of the Bonnefoy mansion, where the several hundred guests are turned toward the front of the room, many holding glasses of wine or hors d'ouevres.

Francis himself stands on a stage in the ballroom of his home, grinning at the crowd as he announces that the auction is about to begin.

It's a charity event to benefit the domestic violence shelter in their town. Arthur has come with his checkbook and the promise of spending an absurd amount of money. After all, it's for a good cause and he can certainly afford it. Arthur could certainly fund the entire project on his own, but the shelter insisted that they wanted community involvement. Of course, Arthur had promised to pay for whatever was left unfunded after the auction.

Arthur had never felt bad about throwing his money around. People were envious of him and he knew it, but that wasn't reason enough to stop. His money was always where it was needed—his employees were paid a living wage (not that "minimum wage" rubbish which Arthur detested, but a true living wage), and he personally funded as many community projects and charities as he could. Sure, he had a lot of nice things himself, but the money he earned from the company allowed him to be both extremely charitable and still have enough money to treat himself to what he wanted.

"Alright... To begin, we will announce our lovely volunteers! The highest bidder on each volunteer will get one all-expenses-paid date at the Vargas Bistro!" Francis exclaimed.

The crowd clapped, Arthur along with them, as he watched. The date auction was the most highly advertised part of the night, and Arthur himself planned to bid on one. He didn't expect to make a love connection, no; but it was for a good cause, and he was sure whoever he bid on would be happy to raise money toward the shelter.

"Alright! Our first date is with the lovely Feliciano Vargas! Feliciano is twenty-six and the head chef at the Vargas Bistro! He, his brother, and grandfather have generously donated the dinner at their Bistro. Feliciano loves pasta and music." Francis introduced as the girl skipper onto the stage and waved at the crowd.

"Our second date is Lovino Vargas! Like Feliciano, he donated the dinner at the Vargas Bistro. Additionally, he is also twenty-six and the head chef at the Bistro. He enjoys cooking, and people who don't annoy him."

Arthur zoned out as Francis continued to introduce more contestants. Soon, there were fourteen people lined up onstage—all well-known and well-liked members of the community.

"Last but certainly not least, our fifteenth date, Alfred Jones!" Francis announced.

Arthur choked on his champagne and his head immediately whipped toward the stage, his heart beating rapidly as Alfred walked across the stage, grinning at the crowd. Arthur could have sworn Alfred made eye contact with him for a moment before continuing to scan the crowd.

"Alfred is twenty-three and the owner of Flora Fascination, a flower shop. In addition to his participation in this auction, Alfred will be donating whatever time and supplies necessary in the spring for landscaping and beautification at the shelter, along with any repairs the shelter may need. Aside from being a jack-of-all-trades, he is also the proud owner of a cat called Hero and an avid lover of science and mathematics."

Arthur's heart was pounding in his chest as he gazed at the American. God, he was six-feet-four-inches of absolute perfection, all silky golden locks, suntanned skin, bright blue eyes, and a perfectly toned body. More importantly, though, he had a heart of gold. He was obnoxious and egotistical, but he was always willing to help whoever needed it. Additionally, he was intelligent; though he wasn't all that interested in literature, he knew the classics, and he was positively gifted in math and science.

"Alright, now that everyone has been introduced, let's start the bidding with the beautiful Feliciano! Who here would pay twenty-five dollars to take him out?" Francis asked.

Immediately, several hands shot up. Before long, the bidding had gone into the triple digits, and by the end Feliciano's date had been sold to Ludwig Beilshmidt for $350. Arthur watched as the rest of the dates were bid on and sold. Lovino sold to Antonio for about what his twin had. Elizaveta Herdevary sold to Roderich Edelstein for $1000, and Katyusha Braginski to Matthew Williams for $600. Lili Zwingli was eventually won by Natalia Arlovskaya at the price of $2000 after an intense bidding war between her and Gilbert Beilshmidt.

And, finally, it was Alfred's turn to be bid on. The bidding started at $25, and several hands shot up. As Francis raised the price, most of the hands fell. The price for Alfred's date reached $300. As all of the other hands fell, Arthur's shot up—just as another did from across the room. The price continued to increase, with the same damned hand shooting up every single time Arthur raised his. He was growing frustrated and anxious; there was no way in hell he was going to give up on this! It was the only way he could think to get a date with Alfred without having to come out and say that he wanted to go out with the man. As long as it was through the auction, he could pretend he was doing it all for a good cause.

"Five thousand!" Called the man Arthur had been competing with from the other side of the room.

Alfred's eyes went wide and Francis beamed. "Oh? Five thousand dollars for a date with Alfred! Going once, going twice—"

"Ten thousand!" Arthur shouted loudly.

A murmur went through the crowd, several heads turning toward him. Arthur's face went bright red, embarrassed. He knew he'd given himself away with his absurd bid, but when he looked up to the stage and noticed Alfred grinning wider than he'd ever seen before, he knew it was worth it.

Arthur's competitor didn't bid again, and Francis announced Arthur as the winner of one evening alone with Alfred. After repeating thank-you's to all of the bidders along with everyone at the Vargas Bistro, the contestants were dismissed from the stage.

Alfred makes a beeline for Arthur, stopping in front of him with a grin. "Did you mean to bid that much money on me or were you just caught up in the bidding war?"

Arthur's face flushed and he swatted at Alfred's arm. "Oh, belt up! It was food a good cause!" He huffed, his words shaky with nervousness.

"I agree." Alfred replied, still grinning cheekily at Arthur. "It was amazing, what you did. I mean, ten thousand... Seriously, Arthur, that's incredible. But y'know, there are a lot of other things happening tonight with opportunities to donate for the shelter..."

Arthur couldn't bear to look at him, too embarrassed. "Wh-What are you getting at, Jones? If you're suggesting that I'm fond of you in some way, I encourage you to rethink. I couldn't be less attracted to you! The mere idea of you and I is absurd!"

Alfred leaned over his friend, his smile playful and his eyes warm and full of mischief. "I'm just saying, Artie, there were plenty of other ways you could've donated that ten thousand. Besides, there were plenty of other contestants, too."

"W-Well, I just didn't want you to be embarrassed at barely being bid on," Arthur rationalized with a huff.

Alfred quirked a brow. "Barely bid on? I spent the better portion of five minutes watching you get into a bidding war over me. Or were you jealous that some other man was willing to bet money on me? You know who it was, don'tcha?"

Despite himself, Arthur felt jealousy flaring up within him at the mere mention of the other man who'd been bidding on Alfred. To think of someone else out with Alfred, romancing him the way Arthur longed to... The mere thought of it set him on edge.

Instead of expressing these feelings, though, Arthur merely points his nose upward and becomes involved in the champagne glass he's holding. "No, I don't believe I know who it was bidding against me. He was certainly very tenacious, though. Clearly not as rich as I am, most likely not as well-suited to provide for you as I am, but it's no matter." He replies quickly, trying his best to sound nonchalant.

As usual, Alfred is able to see right through him. "Y'know, Arthur, you're making a real ass of yourself." He laughed.

Arthur looked up, green eyes widening in surprise. "Excuse me?!"

"If you want to provide for me, the dollar menu at McDonald's will do just fine. 'Course, I don't mind you spending ten thousand dollars just to take me out, either." Alfred quipped.

Arthur couldn't help it when his face flushed for the umpteenth time that night. No matter how collected he tried to be, one word from Alfred could send him reeling. Every single time the man spoke, Arthur was left dazed and stupid in his wake, unable to maintain the part of the pristine gentleman he'd played for so long.

"I-I—I wasn't trying to take you out, I was—the shelter—"

Alfred cut Arthur off by wrapping an arm around his waist and tugging him closer. "Shut up and kiss me, idiot."

For once, Arthur decides it's better not to rationalize and wraps his arms around Alfred's neck.

[spiderdevitt]

The Hardest Mistakes - Prelude

Synopsis: Greydene had a difficult upbringing. Born in the UK and adopted by American parents, her life in the system hasn't been ideal. She was brought to the US at a young age and at 18, joined the Statesman, a spy organization in Kentucky. The rules were too much and she goes rouge, becoming an assassin. Her first job? Protect royalty with help from the Kingsman and her Uncle, Harry Hart.

Tags: In this chapter? Drama.

Author’s Note: Like I said in my first post, this story is HIGHLY UNCANON. I’m just writing based of things I’ve wanted to write. Much of this will not make sense or tie in too much, but again, just that warning. It’s uncanon.

Main Characters: OC, Gary “Eggsy” Unwin, Harry Hart.

“I’m going to need you to push harder than that, Claire. You can do this,” the calming voice of the doctor lulled through my ears.  

The delivery room was spinning. The beeping from the monitors around me were fading and the bright lights above me were slowly becoming dark.

“Claire, come on! One big push and we can get the baby.” I did my best to pick my head up to look at my doctor. He had his face mask on with his round glasses, looking at what I didn’t want to imagine. How could I have let this happen? It was only one night.  

10 months earlier:

I had met the man in the shops. The small villages of England have many, which make it easy for people of status to want to run towards them in hiding. The zig-zags of the roads, the hustle and bustle of the streets and the perfect decor in the windows are hard to ignore.  

I worked in a small storefront bakery where I was able to smell the sweet cinnamon rolls and tart lemon pastries bake. The aromas were intoxicating as they would fill onto the street. The scents would bring in everyone. Tall, old men to the smallest of children; the poor who could only afford a half of one pastry, to which I’d slip in an extra two for good keeping and savoring. But on this day, we had attracted the rich. Rich in money, rich in status and rich with his words. His vocal elegance flowed like the smoothest velvet you could imagine.  

“Excuse me, do you happen to cater?” The man asked as I brushed my flour covered hands on my apron.  

“Yes, you’d need to fill out a fo-” I responded before being cut off from my boss.

“No need to fill out a form, Your Majesty! She don’t know what she’s on about! Just let us know that you need and we’ll be happy to oblige!” She said, her white hair flapping away on the top of her head. I looked at the man as he darted his eyes away from me. I had no idea he was of royalty.  

“The cupcakes. The lemon ones. They’re to die for. I’d like those at the banquet this weekend, if you please?” He asked, his beautiful smile coaxing my boss into a frenzy.

“Absolutely! Claire, dear! Get to filling out that paperwork! I’ll handle the rest of the store!” My boss barked, shoving the clipboard and pen at me before pushing me towards the man. I shook my head in her direction before turning back to the man.

“She’s a fun one, isn’t she?” He smiled before looking down at me.

“You have no idea.” I said as I clicked the pen and wrote the beginning of the order on the paper. “So lemon cupcakes. Which frosting? And what colors?”

“I’d like a buttercream. A baby blue if you can.” I continued to write, not making any eye contact.

“Garnishes? We have sprinkles, edible pearls, sanding sugar?”

“A light yellow sprinkle would be lovely.” I finished writing the order. “Could I maybe request a lovely lady named… Claire, was it? Can she bring the cupcakes, or do I get the lovely, loud bird at the register?” He smiled. I looked up at him and shook my head.

“I’m not allowed to bring orders, unfortunately.” I shrugged my shoulders and his smiled turned to a flirtatious frown. His blue eyes and brown hair were exceptionally memorable. The blue in his eyes was like ice, but the tension between us wasn’t cold in the slightest. His hair brushed over his eyes slightly, making him look mysterious.  

“Excuse me, ma’am? I’d like for Claire here to bring the order to the banquet, if you please. Her smile will brighten the room.” He said. He looked back down at me, gave a wink and left the storefront without another word.  

The banquet came quickly and I was told by my boss that I had to look as professional as I could. I was to represent the bakery with pride. I was granted access to the banquet hall to help set up the dessert display of the cupcakes. They had come out just like he wanted and there were hundreds of them. Our small kitchen of chefs had worked tirelessly to make sure they were complete perfection for Prince Andrew. I had three stands which would fit two sets of fifty cupcakes and one set of one hundred. The long dining table would then have every cupcakes filed in beautiful lines as if the most behaved children were walking into primary school on their first, nervous day. I was placing the cupcakes on the table when I heard the click-clacking of dress shoes approaching my direction.  

“Claire, they look lovely!” Prince Andrew said as he approached me. I turned and took a bow.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” I answered, standing up straight.

“Oh Claire, please. You can just call me Andrew right now. No one’s around.” He smiled and I returned with one of my own.  

“So what is this banquet for tonight?” I asked, crossing my arms.  

“It’s my like… fifth cousin’s birthday or something. I don’t try to understand my ridiculous family tree. But he wanted the cupcakes so I went as my gift to him to get them.” Andrew explained.  

“Cupcakes are the sweetest of gifts, so I think you made a lovely choice.” I smiled as I turned back to the table to arrange the rest of the cakes.  

“Ah, yes. The sweetest of gifts. Luckily tonight, I get a gift of my own.” He laughed. “I get to see a beautiful, working woman do something she’s passionate about.” I looked back at him.  

“Oh? Is there another working woman here?” I asked with a smirk on my face.  

“No, just you.” Andrew blushed. “Hopefully when things die down tonight, I can see you on less borrowed time and more leisurely time.” He said before taking my hand and giving the lightest kiss to my skin.  

The night was beautiful. Royal women in their gorgeous gowns, the men in their suits and the children trying their damnedest to remain proper in the face of political and powerful people. Andrew owned the room, smiling and engaging in conversation with everyone he encountered. The cupcakes were an absolute hit and by the end of the night, there were hardly any left. The clock chimed so many times that I was unsure of how long the party had actually gone on. It was close to one in the morning and people were just starting to leave, and those were only the people with young children.  

I began to clean up my station and take down the cupcake stands when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Andrew hiding behind the pillar closest to my table. He motioned for me to follow him. Looking around to see that no one was looking, I followed and he brought me down one of the grand hallways of the mansion. The hall was dim and freezing on the winter night and I began to shiver. He took his suit jacket was off and draped it over my shoulders.

“So, why did you pull me away?” I asked, breaking the comfortable silence. He unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, clearly being okay with the temperature change.

“Leisure time, Claire.” He said with a flirtatious smile. We continued to walk a ways down the hall, turning the corner to a darker area of the mansion. The leisure time was mostly silent, but the silence was comforting.  

“I’d ask what all of this is like, but I can see this is it, apparently.” I said quietly. “Lavish parties, beautiful nights, but in reality, you just want to get away from it all sometimes.”  

“Yeah, you kind of just want to sit in silence and not think for a while.” Andrew said, stopping in the hall. He leaned against a doorway with his arms crossed. “And you? A baker with an evil step-mother like boss? A Cinderella story?” He chuckled.  

“Yeah, her. She’s… a little extreme, but I love baking and it’s the only way I could save up for a place of my own.” I responded, approaching the same doorway and leaning against the frame like he was.

“She’s not actually your step-mother, I hope?”

“No, not at all. My mother was a housewife. My father was a retired engineer. My brother is… a tailor.” I smiled, looking at one of the photos of some royal family members on the wall. “The Hart family is full of people who wanted to do things they loved. We were never taught anything less. Why lull yourself into a life you don’t truly believe in?” I absentmindedly said before looking over at Andrew who had turned his full attention to me, his face inches from mine.  

“Claire Hart, you amaze me.” He smiled before placing a light kiss to my lips. My mind immediately began to race. I should have pulled away, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to.  

He broke the kiss, his eyes flickering between my eyes and my lips. My eyes did the same before we both met halfway and kissed again, this kiss being much more passionate. He opened the door we were leaning against and closed it behind us.  

10 months later:

“Push Claire! We’re losing her!” The doctor yelled! I snapped out of my daze, let out a scream and pushed as hard as I possibly could. The room was spinning. My head was killing me. I felt blood vessels popping everywhere and my entire body felt like it was on fire. Then suddenly, the pressure I felt had started to melt away. A baby’s cry filled the delivery room. It felt as if the boulder I was carrying on my shoulders for ten months had been lifted and hurled away. “A beautiful baby girl, Ms. Hart.” I heard the doctor say. I sighed as he approached me with the baby.  

“My beautiful little girl,” I said, my voice weak. “My beautiful Graydene.”

I didn’t have to be given a sleeping aid. I felt exhausted and didn’t want to move a muscle. The dreams were all so clear. A life with my baby. Being a single mother wouldn’t be hard. I’d have the support from the people at the bakery and my brother, Harry. He would surely help me.  

The dreams were ever-changing as they were clear. I heard a door creak and suddenly I was in my hospital room. The silhouette looked like Andrew, which I knew was impossible. He wouldn't come to see me. When he found out of my pregnancy, he said we could never see one another again. The figure approached my bed and clicked on the light next to me.  

“Hello, my love.” he said, his voice still as soft as velvet.

“Andrew?”  

“Yes, love. I had to come see her. I was just too curious.” He said, looking around the room at the monitors. All the sounds sounded so real. The room was dim and fuzzy. Why couldn’t I move in my dream? “This will be our last meeting, my love. I love you, Claire. Truly.” Andrew said as he went over to the sleeping Graydene. I tried to move, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. And suddenly, everything went black.

[artificialqueens]

saint in the city ch.8 (katlaska) - comeapart

a/n: thank you endlessly for the kind comments. this chapter is a little longer than the others, because it’s the last ever update of sitc. ch.1 here & ch.2 here & ch.3 here & ch.4 here & ch.5 here & ch.6 here & ch.7 here. always and forever, comeapart

The first thing Alaska did after the conversation with Courtney was find Katya’s office. Katya was busy, probably in the OR with Willam, and Alaska didn’t bother going to check as she let herself in. Katya’s computer was still open, and Alaska shook her head, amazed at the fact Katya hadn’t managed to have her identity stolen yet. She grabbed a sheet of paper from the side, taking a pen and getting to work returning the messages.

‘Hi(eee), asshole (Katya.) This is a note from me, Alaska (I don’t have a middle name, but I’m being open - see how easy it is?) Thunder(fuck) (5000, if you’re nasty,) and it’s not anonymous because I am not an asshole. I like you too, and if you are interested, I am free every night this week (except for thursday and friday because I have double shifts) (which you probably already know about because you seem to know more about my schedule than I do.) In the spirit of being open, ASK ME OUT ON A DATE. Thank you.’ She scribbled down, adding her number and then both Willam and Courtney’s numbers too, because she wasn’t trying to hide anything.

It was the least anonymous note she had ever written. She was pretty proud of it. She then went home, and made Courtney watch the Golden Girls with her until she stopped stressing out. Courtney made pasta, because neither of them were particularly good at cooking, and drank an entire bottle of wine between them. Alaska was pretty proud of them, and she finally managed to relax. It was what it was, and if Katya decided to ignore her completely obvious note, then nothing would be able to change that.

The door swung open at ten, and Alaska wasn’t particularly prepared in her ridiculously pink pyjamas and no bra, for Willam and Katya to walk in. Katya looked like she had walked in on something she shouldn’t have seen, but Alaska was only slightly too eager, and Katya visibly relaxed.

“I brought home something for Alaska five-thousand to do while I steal Courtney. Fair trade, right?” Willam smiled, and Alaska would’ve been mad, but Willam was a fucking genius. Even if she could’ve done with a warning beforehand.

Before Alaska could object, Willam had pulled Courtney up and dragged her away to the bedroom, locking the door behind them and leaving her alone with Katya. Willam was one shady bitch.

“I promise was going to call you,” Katya said quickly, closing the door behind her before walking over. She looked awkward, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to touch anything. Alaska shuffled up on the seat, patting the cushion besides her.

“Yeah?” She smiled, watching Katya walk over and looking up at her. “If I had known you were coming back, I would’ve worn like… Actual clothes.”

“You look good, though. I’m living for the Hello Kitty shorts,” Katya laughed, shaking her head and glancing to the TV. “What are you watching?”

“I don’t know. It was Golden Girls, but then Courtney was bored, so we put on Kitchen Nightmares. I think she has a crush on the chef?”

“Probably. He has the same manly, hairy shoulders Willam does,” Katya deadpanned, and Alaska laughed ridiculously loudly. Once Alaska finished laughing, Katya turned to her and raised a brow. “I was going to ask if you wanted to go on a date. I could pick you up tomorrow at nine?”

“Okay,” Alaska nodded, pursing her lips. “Is there a dress code? Should I wear a jacket, or just a blouse?”

“I… I don’t know? You can wear whatever you want to,” Katya shrugged, very clearly staring at Alaska’s lips. “I personally love when my dates wear their scrubs. I love the nurse fantasy.”

“One time Trixie called me out for that,” Alaska said. “I told her I was going to a costume party with a girl, and she asked what I was going to be, and I said a nurse. And then she was like, oh, you’re a shitty nurse, because a medical professional would know to put clothes on when it’s snowing outside.”

“I can guarantee I’m not going to call you out if you turn up as a slutty nurse,” Katya said seriously. “I should probably go home. I’ve had a very busy day, dealing with Willam talking about fucking Courtney while I try to operate on someone.”

“Yeah, she does that. You should try living with them. It got worse when they got engaged, too. They don’t even try to be secretive about it, they just fuck all the time,” Alaska laughed, shaking her head. “Would you like me to walk you to your car?”

“It’s okay. I don’t want you to get sick before our date. You can take me to the door, if you really want to,” Katya said, and stood up. Alaska got up too, taking Katya’s hand and making the most of the ridiculously short walk to the door.

Katya kissed her as she was about to leave, and Alaska smiled for the rest of the night.

*

Work was weird after, but in the best way. Katya was definitely following her around, but Alaska didn’t let it distract her, and the kiss from the night before kept her going through the long clinic hours and the mass of paperwork she had to fill in between her regular consultations. Courtney and Willam both turned up late, but Alaska didn’t even mind. She even laughed when Katya texted her, something about how her name was almost a matching amount of characters, and replied with a smiley face and a kiss.

She took off for lunch ten minutes early, and practically ran down to the Starbucks down the road and ordered two hot chocolates. About five minutes later, the door swung open, and Alaska couldn’t help but smile.

“Beat you,” Alaska winked, and Katya looked embarrassed. She shook her head, and it looked like she was actually blushing. Alaska really couldn’t stop staring, even if she wanted to.

“I was going to get you coffee,” Katya said, defeatedly.

“Oh, I know,” Alaska laughed, handing her the second cup. “I just figured, I owe you at least two months worth of these, and I’d like to get a head start on that. If it’s not too much trouble. Now, do you prefer sushi, or are you more into hot food?”

“I really like the bones of dead animals.”

“Are - Are you serious?”

“Oh my god, no,” Katya laughed, and Alaska laughed too, more out of relief than anything else. “I like sushi. Let’s get sushi.”

“I like bones, but not as food,” Alaska nodded, and lead Katya the entire way to the next shop, buying her regular order twice over and not giving Katya the chance to pay. When Katya went to complain, Alaska just shook her head, smiling wider. “C’mon. If we go to your office, we won’t get Australia’s biggest food thief on our backs for at least ten minutes.”

“Okay. I’m paying for dinner, though. Tonight,” Katya said. She looked a little shocked, but didn’t voice any problems, so Alaska just grinned as they walked back and tried not to come off as too over-eager. She didn’t think Katya would mind if she was eager, but she didn’t want to ruin anything before the first date had even happened.

Katya was still reserved, and Alaska wasn’t really sure why. They had managed to waste four years being reserved and shy already. Even now, being able to see hints of Katya’s personality shine through, Alaska felt so much better.

“So,” Alaska said, biting her lip as she tried to think about the things in Katya’s office. There wasn’t much in there, other than books about medical practises, so she took a shot in the dark at a conversation topic. “I think American pop music is superior to European pop music.”

“Listen, that’s just unrealistic. Have you heard English pop music? It’s so good, they have so many sad vocalists. And the Russian music scene is so good, and besides -”

They started walking again, and Alaska nodded in understanding with every point Katya brought up. They made it all the way back to Katya’s office without any sign of Katya shutting up, and Alaska liked it, throwing herself onto the nice couch in Katya’s office and nodding and making all the appropriate noises.

It only took Katya another five minutes to realise what Alaska had done, and eyed her suspiciously. “You did that on purpose,” She said, sitting at her desk and getting out her own food.

“I think that Russian gymnasts are nothing compared to Brazil’s gymnasts. Or China’s gymnasts,” Alaska grinned, and Katya burst out laughing, shaking her head and waving her hand in the air as if it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. Katya lifted the little plastic fork she had, pointing it at Alaska accusingly.

“Shut up and eat your lunch, sleeping beauty,” Katya grinned.

They sat and ate in silence, and every time Alaska went to look at Katya, Katya was busy sneaking glances at her too. The second they were both finished, Alaska put the empty dish on the armrest and stretched out, declaring, “Lunch is over.” Katya looked up and smiled, and Alaska didn’t have to wait to take the hint, getting up and walking over and sitting on Katya’s lap, lacking the grace and dignity she wanted to have.

Katya opened her mouth to say something, wrapping her arms around Alaska to support her, but Alaska leant in enough that their lips brushed against each other and Katya’s mouth closed again. She tried to look up at Alaska, but she went cross-eyed in the process, and Alaska laughed hard, pulling away to properly react.

“What?” Katya pouted, holding her a little tighter when she realised Alaska was about to fall off of her lap, pulling her back in. “Not all of us normal people can be as graceful and beautiful as you, Alaska Thunder-fuck.”

“It’s not two words. It’s one. And it’s a joke, you should know that by now,” Alaska smiled, leaning back in and looking back down at her. It would’ve been more romantic if Alaska wasn’t the same height as a baby giraffe, but Katya wasn’t particularly picky, and she just shook her head.

“Not all of us are stoners, like you,” Alaska laughed again, but this time, she was quieter. She smiled a little more, leaning in, and Katya pulled back. “I have a consultation in ten,” she murmured, and her breath was hot against Alaska’s lips.

“That’s cool,” Alaska said, and Katya moved a hand up to Alaska’s hair, holding her without making the first move. Alaska wanted her to, but she wasn’t going to ask. After what Courtney had said to her, she knew she had to let Katya move at her own pace, otherwise she would never end up with her at all.

“Cool,” Katya nodded, and Alaska pulled back, getting up off of her lap and nodding. Katya nodded back, watching as Alaska left, her eyes full of desire. Alaska didn’t look back as she walked down the halls, but she could swear that Katya was watching.

*

“Alaska, girl, she’s seen you in your scrubs after refusing to sleep for like, three days. And she had sex with you, right? She’s seen you in those ugly Hello Kitty pyjamas, the ones which you can see your nipples through. I really don’t think it matters what you wear. Fuck, she probably even saw you after Sharon broke up with you, and if she still likes you after that, then you have a keeper,” Courtney said, splaying out on Alaska’s bed as Alaska ripped through her entire wardrobe in an attempt to find something.

“You don’t get it, it does matter,” Alaska muttered, staring at three different green dresses. All of them were absolutely disgusting, and completely inappropriate for a first date, and Alaska was halfway to a breakdown just looking at them. “It was different back then. I didn’t have a chance back then.”

“Alaska, you should know by now not to let societal expectations dictate and force you into anything you don’t want to wear. It’s misogynistic, and if Katya doesn’t get it, then -”

“Oh my god, Courtney, no,” Alaska said, shaking her head and throwing the dresses to the floor, and the growing pile of perfectly fine clothes. “Listen, it’s okay if you want to wear the same three hoodies and tennis skirts on your nights out, because you’re engaged. You’re starting to sound like Trixie, going on about how manicures are misogynistic.”

“Listen, you’re no fun,” Courtney pouted, staring up at her. “What about wearing something Willam has? It might be short on you, but she has some really nice stuff… There’s this one black dress I think would look really great on you?”

“Go get it,” Alaska said, and tried not to pick at her nails whilst Courtney dug it out. It had been worn a total of two times, had a designer label, and made Alaska’s body look extra good. She had ridiculously wide hips, but the dress made it look more like she had a thinner waist, and it definitely helped her feel better about herself. She nodded, looking at Courtney in the mirror and smiled wide. “This is perfect. Thank you, Fairy Oz Mother.”

“Oh my god, stop, Willam was talking about having kids, and I don’t wanna think about it. She can’t even keep a houseplant alive, I don’t know how the fuck she thinks she’ll be able to take care of a real living and breathing baby. I think I’m going to suggest we get a puppy instead,” Courtney nodded thoughtfully, stretching out on the bed. “You should wear the jewelry I got you for Christmas.”

“I’m going to! Is my hair okay? It’s not too flat right?” Alaska said, trying to pull her fingers through the mass of tangled hair and frowning, adding, “Is it overkill if I wear my white fluffy jacket for luck?

“Alaska, it’s never overkill to wear something for luck. You look good in literally anything, too, so,” Courtney said solemnly, so Alaska put it on, and she felt like a filmstar. “Your hair is fine. It’s never flat. Don’t forget to wear lipgloss, though.”

“Fuck,” Alaska mumbled, putting her kitten heels on and grabbing the lipgloss, applying it with a heavy hand and pocketing the tube for later, and then there was knocking on the door and it was five to nine and Alaska nearly fell over twice in her rush to say goodbye to Courtney and pick up her wallet and to answer the door, all in the same ten seconds.

When she did answer the door, Katya was wearing a knitted dress, and her hair was curlier than usual. She wasn’t sure what the fuck a knitted dress was supposed to mean, but she wasn’t about to shoot it down, especially when she looked so gorgeous in it. “You bitch,” Alaska said, opening the door wider.

“What?” Katya raised her brows, licking over her lips as she looked over Alaska. “I’m sorry I’m early. I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“You’re wearing a knitted dress. Am I dressed too formal? I can go get changed, I have normal clothes, ones that don’t make me look like I robbed a Versace store -”

“Alaska, sweetheart, you look beautiful. You’re dressed perfectly. I just like this dress, and Trixie said she would kill me if I wore jeans on our first date,” Katya explained, and Alaska wasn’t particularly convinced.

“Okay, well… I need to change my jacket, because we’re clashing right now,” Alaska said, and then smiled.

“I don’t really think we clash,” Katya shrugged, following Alaska into the apartment as Alaska ripped off her jacket with some force and threw it to the ground, searching for a new jacket. “If we’re both wearing something with yellow tones, surely that means we match?”

“No, that’s worse. I really can’t - No, okay, this is a lesson for the second date, because fashion and colour-groups is too long for me to explain right now, but you need to know about it,” Alaska explained, settling on a pink jacket and pulling it on. Katya just laughed, shaking her head and leading Alaska out of her apartment, taking her hand and squeezing it as they maneuvered the stairs. Alaska was pretty sure it was already the best date she’d ever managed to have, even if she didn’t really know what was going on.

*

If Alaska had learnt one thing about Katya, it was that she had no idea how to plan a date. It was probably the worst date she had ever been on.

Katya took her to a restaurant where they only spoke Russian. She was completely overdressed, and she really should’ve settled on jeans and a t-shirt. She felt like a dumb bitch from the second she walked in, completely unable to understand anything, and even when Katya ordered for her, Alaska could see people staring at her. The only good part was that Katya got just as many judgemental looks, so they managed to match on that part. The waiter was ridiculously rude, and Alaska couldn’t figure out what he said, but she was pretty sure he was being homophobic.

The food wasn’t awful, but it was cold, and halfway through the meal, their conversation had managed to fizzle out entirely, and they both sat in silence listening to the Russian folk music playing over the speakers. This was definitely the kind of place Alaska never expected to be in, ever.

Katya must’ve realised how uncomfortable Alaska felt, because she nudged her with her foot under the table and smiled ever so slightly.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Katya asked, and Alaska lifted her head, giving Katya an ever so slightly desperate look of gratitude. Alaska went to pay, but Katya insisted, and Alaska wasn’t about to argue. Once they were back at Katya’s car, Alaska sat and watched Katya smoke, looking miserable. She threw the cigarette to the ground, putting it out with her shoe and looking back to Alaska. “I’m sorry, I thought… I sort of thought it would be really romantic?”

“It’s okay, Katya. It doesn’t matter,” Alaska mumbled, glancing down at her feet. “We can go back to mine and watch movies? And Willam and Courtney will probably be asleep by now, so you don’t have to worry about them.”

“But this was -” Katya paused, pocketing her lighter before staring directly at Alaska. “This was meant to be special. And make up for being like… Kind of creepy and stalkerish?”

“I don’t think you need to worry,” Alaska touched Katya’s kand lightly, looking up at her. “You pretty much saved my life. Even if it was kind of weird.”

Katya looked at her, eyes bright between dark lashes casting shadows against her skin. “I’m glad. You’re too pretty to die young,” she said. “Do you want to come back to mine?”

“Sure,” Alaska nodded, and Katya got back in and then they were driving.

After the silence had turned from awkward to comfortable, it was nice, Katya driving down empty roads. She had a nice car, with smooth handling and comfortable seats, and Alaska didn’t feel as anxious as she had before. She felt like she was in a movie, with the lights painting Katya’s face the end credits to a story that should’ve ended long ago. Katya was beautiful, and Alaska found herself reaching back over to touch her hand again, just as a reminder that everything was real. It was the happiest she’d been in years.

When Katya pulled the car into a parking lot, Alaska blinked sleep out of her eyes that she hadn’t realised had been there. After the extra shifts she’d been taking on, she’d found herself more exhausted than before, and the shift of light made her sit up straighter. By the time Katya had parked, Alaska was completely awake again, undoing the buckle of the seatbelt and tilting her head to look up at Katya.

Katya had leaned over, her face comfortably close to her. “Hi,” Alaska breathed, and Katya kissed the curve of her cheek, the corner of her mouth, and then her lips. Alaska moved into the kiss, tilting her head and smiling at the ghost of Katya’s fingertips on her jaw.

“You were falling asleep,” Katya said quietly. “Do you want me to take you home? You don’t have to come in with me.”

Alaska whined, shaking her head and pulling back. She stayed quiet, moving slowly and stretching once she was out of the car, sighing at the comforting click of her back. She followed Katya into the building, realising that she lived in the nice part of New York City, and was only slightly surprised. What surprised her more was the fact that Katya lived alone, and that most of her apartment was filled with Russian tchotchkes.

It looked less lived in than Alaska had expected, with everything clean and in place, but it was beautiful. There were windows filling the wall and showing off the view that Katya paid for, and it felt cold. Part of Alaska was expecting Trixie or Kim to appear from nowhere, or maybe Willam, and tell her this was all a fever dream. It didn’t come, no matter how hard she pinched herself.

“The view is so pretty,” Alaska mumbled, and Katya turned ever so slightly to smile at her, eyes bright. They were already close, and when Alaska leaned in, Katya met her halfway. The kiss was slow and everything Alaska wanted, and then Katya moved in closer and wrapped her hands around her, and Alaska sighed and opened her mouth and tilted her head so that Katya didn’t have to reach up as much.

It was cold in the living space, and Alaska didn’t care, even though there were blankets folded and left on the couch cushions, because she didn’t feel it when Katya was there next to her. It felt like they had finally done something right, as if they had a world of their own in the apartment, and no amount of wrong in the world could change the way Katya was breathing unsteadily against her and all of Alaska’s thoughts were focused on Katya. Katya’s mouth on hers, her fingertips playing with the blonde curls, Katya’s hands moving ever so slightly higher on her body.

Alaska pulled away eventually, glancing back out to the neon city and the life that they couldn’t see in the darkness of the night. “Okay,” she smiled, looking back to Katya. “This is really romantic.”

“Yeah?” Katya said, and nipped at Alaska’s bottom lip, kissing her as if it was the only thing she knew how to do. “We should probably watch a movie. Like you said. Have you ever heard of the movie Contact?”

“No, but I’m down to watch it,” Alaska mumbled, glancing over Katya’s swollen lips and her smudged lipstick and the rise and fall of her chest, biting her own lip. “Go put it on.”

*

Somewhere between Katya putting the movie on and Alaska deciding she didn’t have enough patience, they had managed to make their way back to Katya’s bedroom. Alaska had suggested that they went slow on their way to the bed, and Katya had managed to take it to heart, which Alaska regretted from the second they were naked, because nobody could go slow like Katya Zamolodchikova. If Alaska didn’t know better, she would’ve thought that the idea of being in charge got Katya off.

Alaska was embarrassed, because in her history of one night stands and dating, nobody had made her as desperate as Katya had. She whined and pushed back against Katya, while Katya licked her open, slow and unfair, holding onto her thigh like her hand was a vice. Alaska threw her head back against the pillow, whining, and said, “Katya, please,” and Katya just pulled away, because apparently sex was a game to her. Once Alaska was pouting, she moved back down, going down on her with a certain determination that Alaska was sure was a new form of torture.

At one point, Katya laughed, because she was evil and wanted Alaska to die, but everything got better the second that Katya moved to use her hands, pulling up to kiss her again. Alaska thought that this was where she wanted to be, if she had to pick anywhere, and she vaguely wondered if heaven could hear them breathing. Everything she had been taught as a child meant nothing, and it was almost as if she had closure from lying besides Katya, that it wasn’t as big of a deal as everyone had made it before.

If this was taboo, she was more than happy to share with Katya, and when she moved to return the favour, Katya kissed her like she meant it.

*

Bianca Del Rio, as it turned out, was actually a lot nicer than Alaska had originally thought. She was still terrified of her, but being in on the joke made it a lot easier to like her, and Katya’s friends slowly became her friends too. It was always uncomfortable when they were caught, though. Bianca stared like she wanted to kill them.

“I thought,” Bianca said, the voice echoing through the office and causing Alaska to pull away, glancing over. “I told you bitches to keep it in your pants. STDs aren’t cute, Alaska. You don’t know where Katya’s been.”

“I think I know where she’s been,” Alaska smirked, giggling when she turned back to see Katya blushing. “What’s up?”

“We’re going out for drinks on Thursday. I’ve been told I can invite you both, on the condition that you don’t make everyone else uncomfortable with your newfound and overbearing love,” Bianca said, staring up at Katya. “I’m sure you’ll see the text if you actually, y’know, look at your phone, dumb bitch.”

Alaska turned to reply, but Bianca was already gone. She was like a terrifying, anti-fun stepmother. Katya had moved back on her desk, swinging her legs a little awkwardly now Alaska had moved from between them.

“We aren’t that bad, are we?” Alaska asked, moving back and kissing her, completely ignoring what they had just been told and focusing on the comments on their supposed overbearing love. What the fuck did Bianca know about love?

“We’re fine. We are maybe a little bit disgusting, but that’s my gig. I’m 80% sexy, 20% disgusting.”

“I know. I’ve seen your search history,” Alaska deadpanned, and Katya laughed, shaking her head. Katya’s face changed entirely when she laughed, moving from the serious doctor to the med student that hadn’t quite yet been broken by capitalism, and Alaska loved it. Alaska thought that if she had seen Katya actually laugh in the past few months, she would’ve realised immediately, and everything would’ve happened a lot sooner. Katya’s eyes were like mirrors, and they showed everything she was thinking, including how they were entirely focused on Alaska, and hey, Alaska loved that too.

Alaska moved back to kiss her again, but stopped when she heard the door swing open again, expecting the worst. Instead, she heard Trixie groan, and said, “For god’s sake, do you guys never stop?”

Katya jutted her bottom lip out, looking over at her friend, and moved her hand to balance on the desk. Alaska thought it was sweet that Katya was shorter, even if she knew Katya was annoyed by it.

“Why do you hate me, Tracey? I don’t know why you won’t let me live my best life, you were the one who kept telling me to just ask her out,” Katya asked sadly, and Trixie rolled her eyes.

“You guys have to stop. You’re worse than Willam and Courtney, and they’re practically married,” Trixie said, shaking her head. “I don’t even know why you’re so happy. All that’s changed is that you admitted that you both had feelings, and now Katya wears clothes that don’t look like they were bought from the children’s section at Target.”

“That’s some shady shade,” Alaska laughed, before leaning in, kissing Katya again and curling her fingers through the messy strands of hair beside her ear. Behind them, Trixie made a gagging sound, coughing very loudly.

“Katya, surgery. We have surgery in literally like, five minutes,” Trixie groaned, trying not to sound as angry as she was. “Hurry the fuck up or I’m going to set Bianca and Michelle on you. I’m not kidding.”

She didn’t hesitate to slam the door on her way out. Alaska, full of good ideas, pulled away and batted her stacked lashes at Katya. “I know what we can do in five -”

“I have to go,” Katya smiled, and got down from the desk, pushing her hair back out of her face. “If you want to continue that thought in about an hour, I’ll be wandering the halls looking for my sexy nurse girlfriend.”

“I head home in an hour,” Alaska frowned, defeat spreading across her face.

“I know,” Katya said.

“But… Uh, maybe if you call me, I can let you in. I don’t want to wake the Belli-Acts.”

“Lasky, you’re exhausted. You need to go to bed, and I’ll see you tomorrow. We can manage one night apart,” Katya smiled, and Alaska pouted even harder. She hadn’t even been that exhausted, the clinic just annoyed her, and she was probably about to get disgustingly sick with the little amount of free time she had. When she refused to kiss Katya goodbye, Katya sighed, and pursed her lips. “Maybe I could come over tonight. But no sex, because I refuse to be the reason you have to take another nap in the staffroom. Okay?”

“Sounds perfect… I should really just get you a key,” Alaska smiled, and walked off, adding, “See you tonight.”

The rest of her shift was finishing off the last of her work, and then heading home with a sense of accomplishment that she had managed to last the entire day without feeling awful. She tried to help Willam and Courtney cook, but when it went terribly wrong, Alaska ordered takeout and covered the leftovers in case Katya decided she was hungry when she came over. She watched TV, settling on The Method after scrolling through the options of Russian subtitled shows on their cable subscription, and then bed.

When she was asleep, three hours in, she felt warmth against her and the familiar curves of Katya pressing up against her and mumbling goodnight, kissing just below Alaska’s ear before wrapping her arms around her. Katya held onto Alaska like if she didn’t, then she would disappear, and it made Alaska feel more at home than any lover she had ever had.

She lay in the dark and drifted back to sleep to the sound of their breathing, ignoring the way her head spun, and thought that this was where she wanted to be.

[takenews-blog1]

Oh, No! Disney Motion pictures Have Soiled Little Secrets and techniques, Too

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Oh, No! Disney Motion pictures Have Soiled Little Secrets and techniques, Too

You could have most likely seen a film and found an “Easter Egg” whilst you have been watching. An Easter Egg is one thing that’s hidden in plain sight. Whereas a few of them are humorous and supposed for some kind of leisure worth, some Easter Eggs are downright soiled. That is very true about Disney movies, which most individuals assume are meant for teenagers. Some animators prefer to have just a little enjoyable, however a lot of these messages are inclined to push the restrict just a little too far.

Hercules is in regards to the Greek demi-god of the identical identify. Within the movie, Hercules should defend Mount Olympus from the imprisoned Titans and the demi-god Pluto. This movie did very properly within the field workplace and spawned a advertising frenzy of video video games, tv reveals and such.

After an uppercut to the River Guardian, Hercules flies into the air and lands. As he lands, a lump grows on his head. A horseshoe then falls on the lump. Look very intently and it resembles male genitalia. Woah, nelly!

Toy Story is a film animated by Pixar and launched by Disney, a couple of boy who will get a brand new toy. One of many toys (Woody) feels ignored due to the looks of a brand new and superior toy (Buzz Lightyear).

There’s a toy with Barbie doll legs and a hook. The toy is a symbolic “hooker.” What bizarre and twisted minds thought to make this!

The Lion King is a film a couple of younger lion who’s duped into believing that he murdered his father, when the truth is it’s his uncle who murdered the younger lion’s father. For a movie that’s aimed toward kids, this looks as if some fairly heavy stuff.

When the younger lion (Simba) falls, some dusts flies into the air. It spells out a sure three-letter phrase that may be a bodily exercise for adults. One of many animators mentioned that the phrase is definitely SFX for the particular results division. Disney claimed that this was an harmless mistake, however many individuals aren’t shopping for that clarification.

A Bug’s Life is an “harmless” story about an ant who tries to recruit a bunch of robust bugs with the intention to battle a rival gang of harassing grasshoppers. Though the movie is focused in the direction of kids, this movie is loaded with grownup humor and innuendo.

There’s a scene in A Bug’s Life when Francis meets one of many Fly Brothers. One of many fly brother’s says, “Hey, cutie! Wanna pollinate with an actual bug?” It is a direct reference to an grownup exercise that I can’t point out.

The Rescuers is a movie about two cute little mice who set forth to rescue an orphan. This looks as if an harmless sufficient movie — a cute couple of mice doing good. However one thing at all times has to occur to screw the film up.

A scene in The Rescuers reveals the mice in a sardine can taking a journey. Slowing down the scene reveals a topless lady in a window. This film was recalled from video shops due to the hidden scene.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a cartoon a couple of human detective who helps a cartoon rabbit clear his identify of a homicide he didn’t commit. It was a extremely profitable movie which spawned Disney’s animation renaissance.

There’s a scene within the film the place Jessica Rabbit is thrown from a automobile. Her gown comes up and she or he doesn’t have any underwear on.

Vehicles is an animated story a couple of automobile that will get misplaced on a technique to a race and is befriended by the folks in a city known as Radiator Springs.

A scene within the movie reveals a automobile being “flashed” by two feminine automobiles. The hidden message is that the flashing lights have been used to suggest a girl lifting up her shirt and flashing a person.

Like plenty of different Disney films, Vehicles has plenty of suggestive grownup humor that you just may miss when you weren’t searching for it. A lot of this film takes place on the highway, as Lightning McQueen is travelling to California for a tiebreaker race of the Piston Cup.

Whereas on the highway, the automobiles drive by “Prime Down Truckstop” the place they promote “All Convertible Waitresses.” As a result of all of the characters on this world are automobiles, the waitresses at this truck cease is likely to be all convertible automobiles. This may be seen as a play on phrases, for the reason that waitresses may presumably supply extra, because the signal suggests.

The Little Mermaid is a movie a couple of mermaid (after all) who has a want to develop into a human being.

There’s a priest within the movie who has a bulging crotch which could be very seen in the course of the wedding ceremony scene.

The Little Mermaid‘s title poster depicts the entire film’s fundamental characters in a enjoyable and colourful scene surrounding King Triton’s underwater citadel. Harmless, proper?

Incorrect. Many individuals have scrutinized the picture, saying that phallic imagery was purposefully drawn into the scene.

Fantasia is a film about Mickey Mouse as a wizard. It’s a musical movie, primarily based on classical music.

Taking a look at this, you possibly can see one thing bodacious. Every thing is true there!

Alice in Wonderland is a movie a couple of lady who falls down a rabbit gap and finds an odd and distinctive world by which the eye is targeted on her.

Many have mentioned that this gap seems to be like one thing. Girls ought to already know what I’m referring to. Look very intently.

Pocahontas is a love story in regards to the legendary Native American princess and her romance with Captain John Smith. Pocahontas’ father disapproves, however can love save the day when Englishmen attempt to rob the Natives of their gold?

Check out this scene. The water is splattered with soiled three letter phrases in a number of locations. Somebody has some actually good eyesight to catch all of this.

Okay, we’ve a number of tribal folks round a mystical campfire. We are able to all agree that this innocent gathering is secure, proper?

Out of the frying pan and into the hearth. Wow, these guys caught the subliminal message once more. This soiled three letter phrase is not going to cease, will it?

Doesn’t it virtually appear magical? Disney films are magical alright, in additional methods than one!! We’ve all seen this to this point, so don’t be stunned if…

Look behind the captain and Pocahontas. You will notice these magic phrases. Now in an actual life setting, this could possibly be on their minds, and greater than possible it’s, however for goodness sake, this can be a film for teenagers. Or is it?

Penguins of Madagascar is a couple of group of penguins who’re a part of a particular elite pressure that should save the world. If that is so, what are they doing right here? Slowing down the image on this scene reveals some freaky and downright nasty stuff.

Don’t ask me for any clues — like I mentioned, I’m not telling what that is. These of you who know what that is, properly, it seems to be like a “quantity.” That’s all I’m saying.

Within the kid-favorite Toy Story 2, Woody returns and finds out his origins. He needs to go away his toy pals behind. Aww. Isn’t this a candy sounding story? Properly, it’s, however you recognize what occurs.

Jessie reveals the toys a few of her cowgirl methods. Allow us to simply say Buzz Lightyear will get “excited” as his wings increase and light-weight up.

This film is about Remy the rat. He needs to be a chef, and sooner or later finds himself beneath a restaurant. He units his sight on fulfilling his culinary desires.

Chef Linguini explains his little drawback to Colette. Whereas he says that Remy the rat is doing the entire cooking, Colette seems to be at his non-public space. Very subliminal, to not point out embarrassing.

Tarzan is the story of a person raised by chimps. It looks as if a pleasant transition from ebook to movie. Tarzan is primal, however he’s the basest of kinds on this film!

Within the movie when Tarzan meets Jane for the primary time, he will get just a little too touchy-feely. You possibly can see that Jane is uncomfortable with Tarzan laying proper in her bosom.

Tarzan is made out to be just a little pervy on this animated adaption of the story. Do you see what the loin material he’s carrying seems to be like?

Tarzan seems to be up Jane’s skirt. She replies to him with a kick.

Cinderella is the basic retelling of a younger lady who has to cope with her merciless stepmother till her fairy godmother cheers her up and brightens her life with a Prince Charming.

The scene the place the mouse threads beads onto Gus’ tail appears fairly graphic when you pause it in the precise place.

Bambi is a couple of deer and his animal pals who play delightfully within the forest round them, however hunters spoil the enjoyable and put the animals in horrible hazard. There are some scenes within the movie, such because the ice scene, which put Bambi in very awkward positions.

Whereas exploring the woods, Bambi and Thumper hit the ice. Whereas Thumper tries to assist Bambi out, you possibly can clearly see this can be a fairly graphic nose-to-tail scene.

Along with Thumper, Bambi meets plenty of different woodland creatures alongside the best way. In a mattress of flowers, he encounters an enthralling skunk, whose identify is “Flower” paradoxically. Flower could be very candy and flirty, whose allure impacts these round her, as may be seen within the subsequent slide.

Flower kisses a fellow skunk, who has fairly a response. He will get shy on the kiss, turning crimson and stiff, then rolling over. We are able to consider different elements of the physique that get stiff when the joy of kissing is concerned.

The Emperor’s New Groove tells the story of an egotistical teen emperor who will get changed into a llama on the expense of his evil adviser, Yzma, and her henchman, Kronk. Yzma and Kronk’s dynamic is such that though Kronk is powerful and overpowering, he’s dimwitted and straightforward to regulate, which Yzma makes use of to her benefit.

In a single scene, Yzma and Kronk had arrange camp throughout their seek for Kuzco, after Kronk loses him post-llama transformation. Yzma has a giant luxurious tent however Kronk, as vastly muscular as he’s, has a small tent that hardly covers his physique. However take into consideration the position of this tiny tent in relation to Kronk’s physique. Is that this a technique to symbolize that Kronk is “pitching a tent”?

A Goofy Film follows Goofy and his son, Max, on an epic highway journey. Goofy, eager to bond together with his son, takes a begrudging Max on a fishing journey. Alongside the best way, they face many obstacles, together with an encounter with the wilderness legendary creature, Massive Foot.

After escaping, Goofy and Max drive away as Massive Foot rummages by means of their containers of clothes. Massive Foot finds a pair of underwear, not sure of what it’s, and comically places it on his head. Whereas his hair sprouts out of the leg holes, Massive Foot discovers one other gap within the underwear, out of which he peeks together with his eye. This picture makes Massive Foot the “one-eyed monster,” in additional methods than one.

This basic Disney story follows a thief, Aladdin, who falls for the Princess of Agrabah, Jasmine. After discovering a lamp within the Cave of Wonders and unleashing a magical genie, who grants him three needs, Aladdin makes use of one in all his needs to develop into a prince in order that he can woo Princess Jasmine. In a single scene, Aladdin makes use of his magic carpet to fly as much as Jasmine’s balcony. Many have argued about what’s heard subsequent.

As Aladdin enters the balcony, the audio that’s heard is interpreted as “Good youngsters, take off your garments.” It’s unclear as to which character is saying this. May or not it’s Aladdin as he enters Jasmine’s bed room? May or not it’s Genie as he and the carpet are eavesdropping under the balcony? Both means, many imagine that this scene was deliberately sexualized due to these misheard strains. Disney has defended this, saying that the script truly has Aladdin say, “C’mon… good kitty. Take off and go,” to Jasmine’s pet tiger that growls at him.

Within the closing installment of Disney’s Toy Story franchise, Andy’s toys mistakenly find yourself at a daycare middle. There, they meet a plethora of different overly-used and mistreated toys, in addition to a menacing stuffed bear named Lotso.

In an altercation between Andy’s toys and Lotso, Mrs. Potatohead characteristically will get just a little mouthy as she talks again to the evil bear. Lotso then pulls off her mouth to make her cease speaking, after which Mr. Potatohead involves her protection saying, “Hey, no one takes my spouse’s mouth besides me!” Take from that what you’ll.

One among Disney’s newest main blockbusters is Frozen, which is about two princesses who navigate the world of affection and self-acceptance. Anna units on a journey to carry again her sister, Elsa, who has run away as a result of she was ashamed of her powers. For the journey, Anna enlists the assistance of Kristoff to assist her navigate the treacherous winter panorama.

Throughout the journey, Anna talks to Kristoff about Prince Hans, who she has fallen in love with however later finds out after the journey (shock, shock) that he’s evil and was solely utilizing her to take over her household’s kingdom. However throughout their speak, Kristoff questions Anna about her love for Hans, rattling off a bunch of random questions equivalent to Hans’s favourite meals and eye colour. Lastly, Kristoff asks, “Foot dimension?” To which Anna innocently replies, “Foot dimension doesn’t matter…”

Peter Pan is the basic story of the boy who by no means, or would by no means, develop up. In Disney’s model, we meet Wendy and her two youthful brothers. Wendy loves the tales of Peter Pan however is upset at her father who tells her that she is changing into too previous for them and her little brothers. Later that evening, Peter Pan himself pays Wendy and her brothers just a little go to.

On this scene, Peter Pan may be seen enjoying together with his shadow with the sunshine of the kids’s bed room. Nobody may be positive if the animators knew that the shadow of Peter’s shirt would produce such a suggestive picture, however there you’ve got it.

Most likely one in all Disney’s extra forgotten classics, The Hunchback of Notre Dame tells the story of Quasimodo, a deformed man who lives contained in the famed cathedral throughout 15th-century Paris. Sooner or later Quasimodo is inspired to exit in public in the course of the Competition of Fools, which solely ends badly as he’s publicly humiliated. Esmerelda, a gypsy, frees him from his disgrace, a lot to the dismay of Frollo, the minister of justice. Frollo calls for that Esmerelda be detained, however she escapes with magic.

In a single scene, Esmerelda is seen dancing in flames. Many would take this second to note how overtly voluptuous Esmerelda’s physique is beneath all her gypsy garments. Her gown, at one level, appears to be non-existent. Many have argued that this scene is just too sexually graphic for a kids’s film. Oh, and what phrase may be seen within the flames? Take a wild guess.