#and when u do it back it turns into some kinda childish war

[sugurus-rightnipple]

ace with an oral fixation grr

his obsession with having something in his mouth at all times, chewing his fingernails, the string of his hat.. literally anything just to keep his mouth occupied.

[kira-fluff]

please please PLEASE may we have a part two to the 'only one bed' piece you posted 🥺🥺 your writing is INCREDIBLE and I loved it so much 🥺🥺🥺 if u decide to do a part two then thank u so much in advance,, hope u have a good day 🥺

a/n: you asked for it (some others did too but this anon was so adorable so I’m replying to this one) so I’m gon’ give it to u <3 also, THANK YOU I am being 1000% honest that your comments seriously brought me to tears I was SO happy you all loved it. when I say pt.2, I kind of assume that it’s with the same characters (since no one specified others) so that’s what I’m gonna do! 

Context provided, don’t worry babes 

WARNINGS: sexual harassment, intoxication, extremely heavily suggestive (it gets pretty spicy)

Also contains spoilers from part 1 but like why would you even read part 2 if you haven’t read part 1? Get outta here and read it!! (Why is this even a warning? I don’t know don’t question my methods) 

- 

“There’s only one bed” [PT.2] PT.1

Saeyoung 

You awoke to a sleeping Saeyoung, his toned arms enveloping your small body in a hug. Shamelessly, you laid still for a few moments longer.

When you’d noticed him stirring awake, you quickly shut your eyes once more, trying to conceal your growing smile 

Saeyoung blinked a few times before registering at last where he was 

He needed a little more time to register why you are in his arms 

Pretending to be asleep again, you nuzzled further into his chest, letting out a soft groan 

Saeyoung’s mind flew to DANGER MODE 

He felt kinda guilty holding you in his arms because let’s face it there’s no way he isn’t enjoying this 

He was so stunned that, for once, he was at a loss for words (shocking, I know) 

Blinking out of his stupor, he murmured, “Y/N?” 

His morning voice was... nice. 

You pretended to “wake up”, fake yawning before saying, “Yes, Saeyoung?”, subtly batting your eyes a little 

(It wasn’t subtle) 

But since Saeyoung is an actual fucking moron, he can’t tell the difference 

Play it cool, Seven. She can’t know that you know she was doing this all night and you didn’t do anything. 

“Wow”, Saeyoung choked out a laugh, “I didn’t know you liked me this much.” 

You look down, in between the two of you before slowly making eye contact with him again, smirking in disbelief, “I could say the same to you.” 

A slow blush crept up his face at the innuendo 

But he was NOT about to lose 

Saeyoung Choi is NOT a loser 

“Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn’t the one screaming my name last night.” 

You gasped, “Screaming?! I didn’t scream -- I would’ve remembered a dream like tha-- Oh!” You quickly covered your mouth, already feeling regret seeping into every bone of your body.

Saeyoung openly chuckled, looking at you with a sort of darkness in his eyes 

“You’re more dangerous than this whole mission.”

You were still out of sorts, failing to come up with a comeback besides a quiet, “I wasn’t screaming.”

A shit eating grin replaced the cool smirk on Saeyoung’s face 

“I win.” 

“Eat a dick, Seven.” 

“Sorry, I think I’m more attracted to the one who was moaning out, ‘Oooh, Saeyoung~~~’“ 

You threw a pillow straight in his face, muttering a “shut up”, blushing profusely 

Ever the competitive fucker, Saeyoung proclaims an all out pillow fight

It is WAR 

Throwing pillow after pillow at each other in between giggles and taunts and jeers 

“Take no prisoners!” you shouted, feeling unbeatable

Until Saeyoung grabbed your ass, pulling you down with him, earning a yelp from you 

“What the fuck, Sev’?! You cheater!!” 

“I don’t know, my hand’s a lot more comfortable here!” 

You scoffed, “Oh, YOU! YOU are gonna GET IT!” 

Saeyoung threw back his head in laughter but abruptly stopped when you grabbed his face with both your hands, and forcefully kissed him 

He let out a “MMPH!”, eyes wide 

Before, of course, kissing you back with equal force 

Gasping for air at last, you spoke in between breaths, “I......win..”

“Actually, darling, I think I just did.”

Noticing your loss for words, he smirked before asking, “So.... what’s my prize?” 

You didn’t have to be asked twice, “I think I have something in mind...”

His eyes met your own before slowly scanning your body, then snapping back to your eyes once more 

You bit your lip 

“I know you’ll lose at least one thing tonight.” 

“Bold of you to assume--” 

“Just shut up and kiss me again.” 

Wish granted ;) 

Yoosung 

Yoosung glanced away, taking a deep breath before saying, “Yeah, yeah I did. I really like you.” You couldn’t hold back the big ol’ smile that took over your face as you proudly declared, “Me too!!” Right when Yoosung was going to go in for a kiss, he saw his auntie suddenly right next to the both of you

“Oh my GOD when did you get here?!”

She smirked, “My question first, dearie, what did you two like?” Neither of you answered, your cheeks growing red

“You know, the first time your uncle did it with me I felt the same way. Like, what a man! Must run in the fam--” 

“OKAY! THANK YOU FOR THAT AUNTIE BUT BREAKFAST IS CALLING MY NAME MM SMELLS GOOD SEE YOU LATER.” 

Your blush didn’t leave you as you smeared strawberry cream cheese on your toasted bagel. This trip was going to be very VERY difficult. Thank God there was alcohol. And Yoosung. And probably dogs. And Yoosung. Yeah. Gotta love relatives.

Following this stunning confession, you felt dumb because, well, you still didn’t know where you really stood with Yoosung 

So when night came, you were ready to go to a party 

Putting on your earrings and making sure your clothes were laid properly in place, you stepped out of the resort room to a waiting Yoosung 

“H-hey, thanks for waiting for me,” You nervously tucked a stray hair behind your ear. 

Yoosung avoided eye contact, opting for a stiff nod 

You gazed deeper into the side of his head, feeling hurt. 

But... you decided not to say anything. 

Walking together to the reserved room the resort had made in preparation for Yoosung’s uncle was awkward, not a single word spoken between the two of you 

When you arrived, Yoosung’s eccentric uncle immediately shouted, “’Sung ‘Sung! Get over ‘ere! We’re gonna have a part-ay!!” 

You suddenly understood why Chaewon was the way he was 

and why Yoosung’s parents forced him to go on this trip instead of themselves 

Since you didn’t know his name, you opted for your nickname -- Uncle Alcohol 

Cuz he had a LOT of it 

In number, and in the amount he shoved down his throat at any given time

Seriously, how is this guy already drunk?!

You watched as Uncle Alcohol shoved a sloppy arm around Yoosung, not so quietly shouting something in his ear above the blaring music 

You were too far away to hear, thank goodness, but you took note of the way Yoosung immediately blushed and shook his head fervently, his hands held in front of his chest 

Before you could take in the atmosphere further, you felt a shiver down your back

Immediately turning around you saw the oh-so-famous Chaewon 

“Heeeyyyyyyy babbeeheehe...... Wannnaaa..... sliiidee in my room tonighhht?” Laughing in a way what made you cringe and your ears numb, you replied, “No thanks, bud. You should probably get some water.” 

“Nooo I want youuuu” Grabbing your boob in his hand, he laughed again, saying, “Nice” 

Oh my god.. where the fuck is Yoosung?? 

You quickly slapped away his hand, shouting, “Stay the hell away from me asshole! Try anything else again, and I won’t give a shit that you’re drunk or Yoosung’s family, I will call the cops on you!” 

He acted as if he didn’t hear you, but must’ve gotten the message because he sauntered over to another group of girls 

Aren’t those his cousins? What the fuck is WRONG with that guy?! 

The loud smack and curses answered the question. You didn’t attempt to help when you saw them proceed to beat the absolute shit out of him, blood and all. 

What you needed was a drink. Something really, really strong. 

You walked over to the resort bar tender

Something about your face must’ve given it all away because he began with a “Rough night, huh?” 

“Do not even fucking ask me about it. God, please, I’m sorry that was rude. I just need something strong... just give me three fingers of rye.” You waved your hand nonchalantly, sitting at a bar stool. 

“Are you sure, lady? You don’t look the type to handle that kinda liquor..”

“That’s kind of the point.”

He sighed, “Look... I’m not supposed to condone you getting completely shit-faced.. but you look like you need it tonight. I’ll make something a little easier down the throat, okay?” 

You nodded, exasperated. 

You didn’t know what it was, but it did the trick. It’s fruity taste easily passed down your throat, leaving you feeling lighter and more at peace. 

“’nother one.” 

He obliged, pouring another glass for you. 

Four drinks in and your world was already unbelievably wobbly. 

You were seeing double, looking at the bartender’s second form 

You laughed, it all seemed to funny 

Standing up, you stumbled over to the dance floor, grabbing one of Uncle A’s craft beers. 

Dancing was fun for a few minutes, grateful no one had bothered you. 

But you sat down, tears suddenly welling in your eyes 

You were alone. 

Yoosung. 

Your mood brightened just by remembering his name

Giggling, you called out, “Yoosuuungg~~~” repeatedly around the room 

One of the cousins heard your call, laughing because everything was funny, before grabbing Yoosung’s arm and shouting what they’d just heard 

Yoosung quickly glanced over at you, brows furrowed. They softened a little upon seeing your drunken state 

He’d had a beer or two, but the good feeling got old quickly and he sobered up by the time he’d noticed his cousins acting like complete fools 

Upon seeing him, your smile grew to a big, childish grin 

“Hiiii Yoosuuunggg...” 

“Jeez, Y/n, how much did you drink?” 

You giggled, playfully sticking out your tongue, “not sure~ a few.. probably..?” you laughed again, winking at him 

“Hey, let’s get you some water, yeah? On second thought.. we gotta get outta here. I’ll carry you to our room.” 

Your eyes shamelessly stared at his lips, not listening to a word he was saying 

“Yoosunngg~~ I want you to fuck meeee” 

Yoosung held the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, “L-let’s just go.” 

Putting your arm over his shoulder, he carried most of your weight. 

“Yoosuuung I want to have your babiess~~” 

Yoosung blushed and looked down, continuing to walk, “You’re way too drunk.” 

“Yoosunggieee I want to know what it feels like to have your d--” 

He quickly shushed you, looking around for other observers

He basically ran to your resort room from there

Taking a long sigh as he finally had got you in the room, he wiped some sweat off his face 

Just when he’d gotten up to get a water bottle for you, he heard retching noises

Before he could stop you, you upchucked all over yourself and some of the cheap resort carpeting 

Groaning in physical and emotional pain, Yoosung muttered a quiet, “why me” 

Before putting his arms under your arm pits and dragging you to the bathroom 

He spent a good 10 minutes just trying to get the stupid shower to turn on because of course at any other place than your own house it’s never easy 

Then, after getting the temperature just right, he forced you to down at least half of the water bottle 

“Are you able to take off your clothes by yourself, Y/n?” 

You giggled back, shaking your head 

“Liar.” 

“Help me take ‘em off pweaseee” 

“No!” 

You started tearing up again, your lip wobbling 

“You know I can’t do that sweetie, you’re drunk.”

“No ‘m not.” 

“Yeah, you are.” 

You looked up at him before sighing and lifting up your shirt, fully exposing half of your naked body to him 

He screamed like a little girl, running and slamming the door behind him 

You pouted, “That’s no fun.” 

After getting out of your clothes, you devised another poorly thought through plan

“Yoosunngggieee I need help washing myselffff” 

“Um.. okay, lemme go see if I can get a hold of someone...”

“I want it to be you. I want it to be you who sees me like this. I want it to be you. Only you.” 

“S-stop..” He said through the door. 

“Please?” 

Sighing, Yoosung knew there was no one who wasn’t drunk or available to help. 

He did what any good guy would do. He proceeded to blind fold himself, opting for reaching his hands out to guess and where things were. 

You laughed, “’Sunggiee you know you’re still gunna be touchin’ me” 

“I’m not going to.”

“You said you’d help me!” 

“Yeah, getting shampoo or something like that!” 

“How ya gunna do that with somethin’ over your eyes?” 

“I didn’t think it through that far.” 

You sighed, conceding and attempting to wash yourself (which ended pretty badly) but, keeping his word, he managed to assist you the best he could without touching you. 

He pitied the hangover you’d have... and the regret. 

 At last carrying you to bed after getting you another drink of water, he began cleaning the putrid stain you’d left on the carpet. 

It was about 5AM when he’d finished, finally crawling into bed. 

He thought about the way it felt last night compared to now

and he blamed himself. 

He was the one that made you get so drunk you essentially passed out 

Looking at you again, he sighed. 

Tugging you close into his arms, he whispered a soft, “I’m sorry.” 

Your subconscious must’ve heard him because you said in your sleep, “’s ok.” 

Jumin 

And suddenly your faces weren’t so far apart. And you couldn’t help but slowly close your eyes. Jumin was confused. He can be a bit of a pea brain, so he of course said, “I’m sure you’re very tired.” He shut off the light, reaching over you. You held back the big frown you’d gotten when you realized he’d rejected you. Unbeknownst to you that it took everything in him, from the moment he’d saw you in the jet cabin, not to scoop you up in his arms and make out with you the whole way there.

You were awoken by birds chirping outside the massive estate window

You made eye contact with an already staring, wide-eyed Jumin 

Upon realizing you’d woken up, he averted his gaze saying, “Breakfast -- soon.” 

You missed the crimson color of his face, instead getting up and stretching (like you didn’t learn your lesson last time)

Then, you made your way over to the fresh coffee that had been delivered to your room minutes before

Adding a shit load of cream and a dash of sugar, you turned to see Jumin staring at you. Again. 

You breathed out a laugh, “What are you looking at?” 

Jumin’s brows knit together for a split second before he again looked away, his soft blush never fading, “It’s hard not to.” 

“Look at wha--” Your eyes grew wide in realization, looking down at the lingerie hardly covering your skin, Jumin’s shirt no where to be seen.  

You screamed, making a poor attempt to cover yourself shouting, “Oh my god I’m so sorry I forgot!!” 

Again, Jumin found his gaze resting on your body, stifling a groan. 

He at last spoke, his deep voice reverberating throughout the room, “You... you’re making this all.. so much more ....difficult.” 

You then grew defensive, “Made what difficult? Ogling at me without staying anything?!” 

His eyes glowered with something you couldn’t quite place. “That’s not what I meant” 

He walked slowly toward you, causing you to take steps backward 

He’d backed you up against the wall, letting out a deep breath through his nose

With glittering eyes, he grabbed your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look up at him instead of the ground 

“You’re doing on purpose, aren’t you?” 

You gulped in anticipation, “D-doing what?” 

Jumin raked his eyes down your body then looked back up at you with a sarcastic expression that said, “really?” 

“N-no! I didn’t have a choice!!” 

“Your clothes would’ve been dry hours ago.. if it really bothered you--”

“Well I was really tired from the jet ride and putting up with you!” 

Jumin looked surprised for a moment before grinning sardonically, “Putting up with me? Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to control myself when you’re constantly grabbing me, touching me, everything!” 

“I didn’t do all that on purpose!” Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but you weren’t about to admit that to him when he was being such a dick.

He laughed dryly, “Yeah, okay. All I’m saying is that I don’t find it very funny.” 

“You think that you’re just some big joke to me?!” 

“What other explanation is there?” 

You were practically hysterical in your laughter saying, “You’re unbelievable.” 

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. 

“Yeah,” you glared back at him, your faces inches apart. 

Before Jumin could realize what he was doing, he pulled your hips flush against his own, crashing his lips harshly on yours. 

Letting out moans of both desperation and anger, your eyebrows furrowed as you deepened the kiss, gasping when Jumin slid his tongue so far into your mouth you swore you felt it going down your throat. 

After what felt like hours, you parted for oxygen, both breathing heavily, before going in for another long, simmering kiss

You felt Jumin smirk against your mouth causing you to lightly smack his chest, hating that he knew he’d gotten a rise out of you. 

He grabbed your wrist against his chest, slowly guiding it to his first button of his night shirt. 

You made quick work of removing all the fastenings, nodding and obeying him when he commanded, “Jump”

Your legs tied round his waist, you continued to make out, pulling at the waistband of his pants. 

Jumin moaned into your mouth before parting to say, “You will be the death of me, little spitfire.” 

Let’s just say the whole fiance thing might not be a lie anymore. 

Zen 

Zen wanted to say something smooth like “I’ve always wanted to do that.” But instead he said “I’ve always wanted to do you.” He mentally smacked his head, blaming the lack of oxygen for his stupidity. But you smirked up at him coyly, replying, “Then why don’t you?” Um, yeah, rip your hotel neighbor he will literally hate both of you so much.

You awoke you Zen rubbing his thumb on your arm, basking in the morning light 

He groggily said, “’mornin’ babe.” 

“I’m ‘babe’ now?”

“What else am I supposed to call my beautiful girlfriend?” 

You leaned up and kissed him softly, smiling. 

“I love you, Zen. So much.” 

“I love you, too, Y/n. If you didn’t already get that from when we...” 

You laughed shyly, “yeah..” 

“I know I skipped a few steps, but I have never been happier and more sure of anything in my life.” 

You looked up at him, peacefully grinning. 

“Hey, let’s get married.” 

Zen choked on his spit, “R-right now?!” 

You giggled, “Not right now, but soon. I dunno, we’ve been friends for, like, forever. Now that we know we like each other it seems like the next step.” 

Zen looked at you, searching your face to determine whether you were serious or not. 

Detecting that you weren’t joking he laughed airily saying, “Sure. Whatever you want princess.” 

He kissed the top of your head, whispering, “You’re so beautiful, ya know that?” 

Sighing comfortably, you nodded, falling back into sleep. 

“H-hey! Wake up!!” Zen shouted, giving up and just cuddling up to you instead, stroking your hair gently. 

The concert wasn’t until late that night -- he had time to spare. 

....Even if he didn’t, he’d make time for you.  - 3 months later

In classic Zen and Y/n style, you’d eloped shortly after the tour ended. 

“Hey, Y/n? Have you seen my grey t-shirt?” 

You looked up from your laptop, “Mhm, it’s in the dryer.” 

He sighed, “Thanks babe”, before making his way down to the mudroom where your laundry was kept 

He sifted through the hot laundry in the dryer, not seeing his shirt anywhere, when he hard a crash. 

“Y/N?!” 

He rushed out to the living room, glancing from the smashed coffee mug on the ground, to you. 

“Y/N?! Are you okay?!!!” 

You clutched your stomach in anguish, beads of sweat forming at your brow, “Y-yeah.. my stomach hurts so bad ‘s all.”

Zen was having NONE of that

He rushed you to the Emergency Room, holding your hand the entire time. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Princess, I promise.” You nodded, before losing consciousness - 

you awoke to a depressing hospital room, meeting Zen’s worried eyes. 

“How long was I out..?” 

“For a few minutes.” 

You sighed in relief, feeling a lot better than you were when you were rushed to the ER. 

All of a sudden, a doctor entered the room looking stern. 

“I wanted to discuss the diagnosis with the two of you when you were both physically present.” 

You blanched, looking at Zen with fear etched in your eyes. 

Zen held your hand tighter, before saying, “What’s the problem?” 

The doctor looked in between the two of you before letting out a little laugh, “There’s nothing wrong, actually.” 

You both looked confused, Zen proudly saying, “Then why’d you look all doom and gloom when you came in here?!” 

The doctor roared with laughter saying, “Eh, I get a kick out of the faces you guys make. Ah, now to the diagnosis.” 

“There’s still a diagnosis?!” 

You shushed Zen, nodding at the doctor. 

He took a breath before saying, “Miss Y/N Hyeon, you’re pregnant.” 

Both your eyes grew wide, mouths slacked

“O-oh, oh my gosh!!” 

Zen enveloped you in a big hug, congratulating you (and also hiding his tears) 

This man could not hold back the proud grin he sported for MONTHS

-

I simp for this prompt so if someone asked, it’s not like I could say no to writing it for more characters.......right? lol Also, I came to a realization that I made that a fanfic rather than a headcanon.. so oh well, right? 

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch45: He Started It

Intro: Katie and Steve adapt to being the parents of a new baby as 2020 ticks by in a whirl of dirty diapers, sleepless nights…and a very childish war between Steve and Tony.  

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut! (NSFW) No under 18s.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: Yeah, I love this chapter. I hope you all do too. And thank @angrybirdcr​ for the edit. It made me laugh, a lot.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 44

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 May 2020

Katie heard a set of keys being dropped onto the table in the hallway and looked up as Steve opened the door to the living room, crossing the floor, Lucky following him before promptly dropping on the rug in front of the fire place, clearly pooped after his walk.

“Hi.” Steve smiled, sinking to one knee and pressing a kiss to her cheek as he reached out a careful finger, gently tracing the curve of Jamie’s busily working cheeks. “Somebody’s hungry.”

“Somebody takes after his father in that respect,” Katie retorted glancing up at him as he gently loosened another button on his plaid shirt, rubbing his hand over his clean shaven face.

“I feel like I should be apologising.” Steve smiled as his lips pressed onto hers and she gave him a proper kiss. He pulled back, grinning as he looked down at the tiny hand that gripped his finger solidly, lost in his thoughts.

Only the previous month the new dad had been in the throes of a sudden crisis of confidence post one of Jamie’s check-ups. Though Jamie was as healthy as a baby could possibly be, he was still on the small side. Bigger than he was when he was born but still tiny. The Paediatrician advised it was nothing to worry about, and that it was likely to be something to do with Steve’s body chemistry and who he was before the serum. Steve had been none too thrilled and had blurted out to Katie later on that he felt like he had let their son down.

“You could never let our boy down, ever.” She said, as they both lay on the bed, Steve’s feet planted firmly on the top of the duvet, legs bent with Jamie resting back against his thighs, both his hands curled round Steve’s fingers. “He’s perfectly fine and healthy, love. If he grows up a little small, so what?”

“I just want more for him, more than I was you know.” Steve swallowed, his eyes misting over.

“Hey, look at me.” Katie reached up and turned his head to face her. “You have always had the biggest heart, regardless of what you think. The serum isn’t you, you’re you, and if Jamie grows up to be half the man his daddy is I’ll be so proud”

The fact that right now Jamie seemed to have an exceptionally strong grip for a twelve week old baby made Steve slightly more confident that maybe he had inherited some of the positive effects of the serum after all.

“What time do we need to be at Tony’s?” Steve eventually asked, tearing his eyes off his son to look at his wife.

“Pepper says to get there any time from four so we can collect Emmy from school and go straight up.”

“Sounds good. Do you wanna stay or come home?” Steve asked.

“Rather be at home.” She answered, honestly. “Just easier whilst he’s so young. If he starts screaming the house down at least we’re here.” “Whatever you want, Doll.” he smiled, and at that point his attention was taken once more by baby Rogers who had finally finished his meal, milky mouth opening into a small yawn.  Katie handed him over to Steve and did up the shirt that she was wearing, as Steve stood up, adjusted a soft cloth over his shoulder and held him tenderly to his front, gently patting his back.

“Baby, you look exhausted” He glanced down at Katie as she yawned.

“Thanks.” She grumbled, shooting him a glare.

He chuckled “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah well I probably do look like shit.” she sighed “Neither of us got much sleep did we?”

They’d had a rough night the night before. Since they’d brought Jamie home, Steve and Katie had both shared the night feeds following advice from various people to spread the load so to speak. The problem is, for some reason, Jamie hadn’t settled at all post feeding and in attempt to let Katie get some rest, Steve had brought him downstairs but it hadn’t worked as she was unable to sleep as the sounds of his cries made her heart ache.

“Why don’t you go get your head down for a bit?” Steve suggested, as his large hand rubbed at their son’s back. Before Katie could reply, Jamie promptly spit up down the front of Steve’s T-Shirt, missing the cloth completely.

“Nice shot, son.” Steve rolled his eyes and Katie laughed standing up to mop him off. Jamie seemed utterly nonplussed by his activities and his large blue eyes blinked heavily before closing. Steve brushed a soft kiss across his son’s forehead and then looked at his wife again.

“Go, get some sleep. And that’s not a request, I’ll wake you in a few hours.”

“Bossy bastard”

Steve arched an eyebrow at her “I’m not bossy, I just can’t deal with Tony’s tantrum if his baby sister falls asleep at his 50th party.”

“Good point, well made.” Katie conceded. She leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before heading back out of the room.

Steve watched her go, a frown playing across his face. She’d been really quiet over the last few weeks. Life with a baby wasn’t easy, it was full of hard work, sleepless nights, puke, poop…but every time he saw his son it all paled into insignificance for him, as he was worth it. Maybe his wife was struggling a little, as despite her joke before, Jamie sure did feed a hell of a lot. At their last appointment it had been suggested that maybe they tried introducing formula as well to help fill him up which was what they had started to do overnight and he had been hoping that it would it make things a little better for her as he could do the night feeds and allow her to sleep.

Last night had been the worst one they’d had in the twelve weeks since his birth but that aside, there were other things Steve had already noticed too the main one being she wasn’t as affectionate towards him as she had been. The other night for instance he’d tried to instigate a little bit of something because frankly after months of giving himself a jerking off once every so often when he felt like his balls were explode, and he missed her. He missed how she felt under him, over him, next to him…any which way she was. But, he knew he had to be patient, her body had been through a lot after all. He’d wondered at first if it could be post-partum depression but none of the other signs he had read up on were there so he was putting it down to tiredness and hormones.

He couldn’t help with the latter, but he could sure as hell try and make sure she slept. And he could apologise for being impatient as well.

Once Jamie had dropped off to sleep, Steve placed him in his basket and headed into the kitchen. There were a few dishes and what not from breakfast so he sorted that out, wiped the surfaces to save Katie a job and then settled down in front of the TV. It wasn’t long before he was himself asleep.

***** Katie wanted to cry. Nothing in her fucking closet fit, well nothing that didn’t make her look huge. She’d settled for a navy blue strapless maxi dress which flared out from her waist so wasn’t clingy. The large pink and white flower patterns also flattered her as much as she could but she wasn’t happy.

You’ve just had a baby, let’s be real… she thought to herself, before she grabbed a pair of strappy sandals and a denim jacket, hastily wiping her eyes. Fuck it, she was going to be amongst friends, as if they cared what she looked like. She stepped back into the main part of the bedroom, where Steve was pulling on a dark green polo-shirt. She looked at him for a moment, simply admiring him, and found herself rather jealous that his physique hadn’t changed since having a baby. He had no stretch marks, no two inch increase to his hips, belly and fuck knows what to his boobs.

Bastard.

Steve’s head emerged from his shirt and he looked at his wife, watching as she moved to sit at the dresser to pull her hair back into a loose braid. He passed her, his hands dropping to her shoulders as he stopped to give her bare skin a soft kiss.

“You look beautiful.”

“Sure.” The sarcastic response and the eye roll happened before she could stop them, and she hoped he hadn’t noticed but of course, he had. Steve frowned. “You do.”

She sighed and looked down slightly and Steve didn’t like this, not one bit. Moving so that he was by her side he gently placed a hand on her knee and knelt down next to her, and she glanced at him as he looked up from his spot on the carpet. “Honey, please don’t fly off the handle at me, but are you okay? This isn’t like you and I’m kinda getting worried a little.” “Hormones.” Katie sighed, rubbing at her eyes slightly. “And lack of sleep. That’s all.”

“So it’s not something I’ve done. Or not done?”

“No, baby, it isn’t, I promise.” She gave him a little smile, reaching out to brush her hand down his cheek.

“Alright, as long as you’re sure.” He licked his lips slightly before he took a deep breath “And I’m sorry if last night you thought I was rushing you or putting pressure on you.” He licked his lips. “I didn’t mean to. At all.”

Katie looked at him and suddenly felt awful. He hadn’t done anything of the sort. He’d been nothing but patient and loving with her since Jamie had been born.

“Steve.” she shook her head, “That’s not…” she sighed again and pinched the bridge of her nose “You didn’t. Honestly. It’s me…I-“

She swallowed and looked down at her hands and when she looked back at him, it was his turn to sigh as he saw the tears brimming in her eyes.

“Honey, please talk to me.” He begged, both his hands now on her knees as he knelt up slightly.

“I just…” the tears trickled down her face and Steve took a deep breath as she looked at him. “I know you say I look beautiful but I don’t feel it, not at the moment. I don’t feel like me. I look different, none of my stuff fits now, I feel huge and fat and…” “Okay, okay, stop.” Steve instructed sternly but not unkindly. He wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous, as frankly he loved the changes to her body. There was a new curve to her hips, her body was softer, her face slightly rounder. She wasn’t fat either, but Steve understood straight away that the problem was she was used to her figure before-hand, washboard stomach, trim legs and thighs all courtesy of a physical job and Avenger Training. And as Steve knew only too well, sudden changes to yourself could be hard to deal with.“You had a baby three months ago.”

“I know but since when did a baby mean my ass had to treble in size, or my hips, or my boobs…” she trailed off.

Steve took a deep breath, and then suddenly something popped into his head, something that hopefully could make her understand and see why none of that shit, even if it was true would matter to him in the slightest.

“If I woke up tomorrow, and the serum was gone, and I was back to being that 5ft 4, ninety-five pound scrawny guy from Brooklyn would you love me any less?” “No, of course not!” She scoffed, indignantly. “But that’s not the same!” “Why not?” “Because this is about how I feel.” she said

“Yeah, and I still feel like that kid that was getting his ass kicked all the time.” Steve implored, searching her face. “As you keep saying, the serum didn’t change who I am.” “And that’s why I love you.” She frowned.

“Exactly. So what makes you think I could possibly love you any less now because your hips or your ass or your boobs are bigger, which for the record, I’m kinda on board with.” “Jerk.” She mumbled, sniffing slightly and he smiled.

“Frankly,” Steve looked up at her, his eyes heavy, “I still find you the most beautiful woman on the planet. And you’re my wife, who gave birth to my baby boy.”

She cocked her head to the side and he saw a smile flicker on her face. “Say it.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What?” “You know what.” “You’re my baby momma.” He grinned with a low voice and it made her smile as she bit her lip. He took a deep breath and reached out with his hand to cup her face. “I love you.” “I love you too.” She replied gently, and she leaned down to press her lips onto his, the kiss growing quickly heated as she slid her hands into his hair, her nails raking down his neck causing him to groan.

“Seriously,” Steve pulled back, looking at her, “you’re gonna have to stop that because if start I aint gonna be able to stop and we’ll be late picking Emmy up.”

Katie looked at her husband, his blue eyes shining with mischief and she was both surprised, pleased and a little relieved to feel that familiar tingle between her legs that she hadn’t felt for ages. Glancing at the clock she realised she was right so she sighed and turned back to the mirror.

“Hold that thought, Soldier.” she looked at him in her reflection as he stood up and smiled, dropping a kiss to the crook of her shoulder and neck, and this time she didn’t push him away.

***** Tony Stark had always been known for his parties. Anyone who’s anyone would attend the raucous events filled with memorable moments. In contrast, the small gathering that was now sat on the table outside the lake-house was much more subdued. This was their first social gathering really since the snap and although various faces were missing, every single person sat there would have been happy to tell anyone who asked that it was enjoyable.

Thor, who hadn’t seen Jamie since a week after he was born was astounded at how fast the boy had grown, commenting that he was remarkably like his father, but with his mother’s nose. Their baby was, in turn, fascinated by the God, pulling on his beard at every chance he got. Steve kept apologising profoundly, but Thor wasn’t in the slightest bit bothered, if anything he seemed to enjoy it. He entertained the little boy for quite some time, which gave Katie chance to relax. Relax enough to quietly, although not that quiet so that Steve couldn’t overhear her, ask Pepper if she would be okay to have a glass of wine whilst still feeding Jamie. Pepper had smiled and simply told the younger woman that one glass wasn’t going to hurt, especially if she wasn’t going to be nursing until the morning and with that she’d poured a large one and slid it over to Katie across the kitchen counter. She’d hesitated for a moment and Steve had leant over closer to her, his finger-tips gently stroking her bare neck and shoulders.

“Doll, we have enough bottles made up, if you want to drink, it’ll be fine.”

With that she’d smiled at him, picked up her glass and headed back outside. He’d followed and as she’d gone to sit back down at the table had pulled her chair out for her, force of habit as always, only this time when she’d sat down and he’d leant forward to place a soft kiss on her cheek she’d turned towards him and gently rubbed her nose against his.

“Thank you.” She smiled softly, and it didn’t take Steve longer than a second to figure out she wasn’t talking about his display of chivalry over the chair.

“Gross.”

Katie looked up to see Emmy was sat next to Tony as the pair of them stuck their fingers in their mouths, miming being sick before they cackled and shared a hi-five.

“One day you’re gonna grow up.” Katie looked at her brother over her wine glass.

“Hmmmn, not so sure.” Pepper said, dropping down in the chair next to him, Morgan in her arms. “Think this little one will do that before him.”

“Erm, you can’t insult me, it’s my birthday.” Tony shot, looking round.

“He’s right, they’re the rules.” Emmy nodded, earning herself a fist bump from her Uncle.

“Cheers kid.” He smiled, and Katie rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn’t worry, Kiddo, she’s thirteen this year right?” Rhodey leaned forward for his drink. “Soon be way ahead of his mental age.”

The table giggled and at that Tony pouted and announced it was time to fire up the grill for the food.

For the rest of the evening, Jamie spent most of the time being passed around the table for cuddles from his extended family. And Tony even took on a nappy change to give Steve and Katie the chance to continue eating as Jamie chose the most inopportune moment to kick up a fuss about needing one.

It wasn’t until they later that night that they realised there was an ulterior motive for his helpfulness.

Steve was busy making sure Emmy was tucked in for the night, the eleven year old having slept most of the 45 minute drive back home, whilst Katie was getting Jamie ready for bed, trying not to wake him. She removed his little dungarees and t-shirt to reveal a small vest underneath and as she looked at it she felt the laughter bubble in her chest and she couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried.

“What are you-“ Steve stopped and gazed down at his son, his eyes widening. Katie had tears pouring down her face as she glanced down at the small white garment which bore two simple words and a symbol; ‘Uncle > Dad’

Katie wiped the tears of laughter out of her eyes as she gently undid the buttons along the shoulders of the vest and carefully slid it over Jamie’s head.

“You’re bother is an asshole.” Steve looked at his wife, grabbing the vest and tossing it across the room in a display of annoyance.

Katie rolled her eyes, smirking as she picked up their baby and gently placed him in the crib at the side of their bed. Steve wrapped an arm round his wife’s waist as she smoothed down the blanket and they both peered down at their son before he kissed the side of her head. She turned her face and captured his lips, the kiss deepening slightly as Steve pulled her to him, his hands strong at the base of her spine. Playfully he slid his hands down to cup her ass and she smirked into the kiss.

“Hands, Rogers.” She teased and he shrugged.

“I told you…” his lips brushed hers, “I like your ass.” “I like your face.” She pulled back, causing him to laugh and look down at her.

“My face?”

“Yeah, your big, stupid, handsome face.” She muttered, pulling him back down to her. In between the dizzying kisses, Steve steered her towards the bed, and as her legs collided with the edge he stopped to gently trail his lips across her bare collar bone. With soft hands, he undid the zip on her dress and he felt Katie hesitate slightly. Steve paused for a second, before his lips found her jaw and then she relaxed, allowing her dress to pool by her feet. Steve groaned and followed it down, dropping to his knees, his hands gripping at the back of both her thighs. His mouth gently licked the inside of her knee, making its way up her leg and Katie let out a shaky whisper of his name, her hands tangling into his hair as he moved his affections upwards slightly, skimming his nose across the waistband of her underwear, over her soft stomach. This time her gentle whisper became a loud groan which she stifled with her hand as he pressed his nose into her arousal, and she felt her knees tremble slightly.

“You okay?” He asked quietly, peeking up at her. She nodded and with a wicked quirk of his eyebrow, he stood up, fast, hand still on her thighs so she went with him and he pitched them forward onto the bed. Then it was a scramble to get out of his clothes as fast as he could before he fell forwards again, back on top of his wife, his hands pulling down her underwear, lips kissing at the spot just below her ear.

Katie was utterly lost now, lost in the sensations she hadn’t felt in so long and she tilted her head back, sighing softly as he continued to nibble at her neck, settling himself above her. His fingers gently dropped between her legs and he felt her slick against the tips as he gently coaxed at her clit, continuing until she was nothing short of a writhing mess clawing at his back, aching for him. They locked eyes as he took her left hand in his, and slowly worked into her, both moaning simultaneously at the sensation, Katie’s eyes rolling back at the stretch. Steve began to move his hips slowly, displaying nothing but absolute tenderness in his thrusts which weren’t measured in the slightest. His free hand kept hold of Katie’s hip, keeping her as close as she could possibly be. 

A gentle breeze from the night air which blew through the slightly open window ruffled his hair and Katie wound her right hand into it, pulling him down to kiss her again as he kept his lazy thrusts aimed perfectly on her spot. Given that it had been over three months since their last time, it didn’t take them long at all before their releases were creeping to the forefront. Steve’s senses were on fire, and he broke the long, lazy kiss that they were sharing to stifle a moan against his wife’s cheek when he felt her clench around him. The sheets rustled underneath and around them both as their pace continued slow and languid until the very end when Steve saw his wife’s head tip back, her throat bared to him in utter bliss as she came hard, her moans soft and breathy. Steve gave a low grunt which morphed into a gasp as he clung to his wife as he spilled himself into her, his hips slowing to a stop as he collapsed forward. Katie gave a soft chuckle as her hands gently slid up his back and into his hair, as she moved and pressed a soft kiss to his head. 

“You’re gorgeous.” His voice was muffled as his face pressed into her neck, and she felt herself flush and grin before he moved to look at her, catching her mouth in a sweet kiss.

******

July 2020

“What are you two up to?” Katie asked as she walked into the kitchen to see Steve and Emmy looking at the laptop one morning just as Steve handed Emmy his card.

“Buying something.” Steve replied.

“What?” “You’ll see.” Emmy glanced up. “In time.” Katie rolled her eyes, she had a horrible feeling this was to do with Steve’s return shot after the whole vest thing Tony had pulled just over a month or so back.

And she was right.

On Steve’s birthday, the perfect revenge was taken when the Rogers’ hosted a gathering, similar to the one Tony had held.

There was plenty of Asgardian mead shared between Thor and the Super Soldier. They got louder as the night went on, Thor telling him about another brew he had on the go and inviting him to New Asgard to be part of the testing panel. Katie wasn’t completely sure that was a good idea, but she couldn’t help but admit that pissed Steve was one of her favourite Steve’s, and she enjoyed watching him cut loose once in a while.

At one point, Steve took the boys and Natasha to see his recently furnished ‘man cave’ which was basically the cabin next to the pool house, which now held a couch, a TV, stereo and his art supplies along with a desk. They men spent a while looking at his latest project which was a pencil sketch of Emmy and Jamie sat on the lawn before returning to the group, topping up their drinks.

Natasha, Tony, Pepper and Morgan were staying that night, and when it started to get late and the thirteen month old was dropping asleep, Pepper took her into the spare room they were sleeping in, emerging with the highest tech baby monitor available, of course, which linked directly to FRIDAY. About an hour or so later, Katie saw Steve and Emmy disappear inside, the pair of them whispering.  She watched them go and when they came back about five minutes later, Steve simply raised his eyebrows at her, grinning. 

Later that night when, after Morgan had been making some soft noises, Tony went to check on her and the five of them who were left heard his exclamation on the baby monitor.

“son of a-“  

His mumblings were followed by a loud fit of laughing and Pepper frowned. Steve and Emmy exchanged a look of glee and soon Tony emerged back onto the patio area of their garden, Morgan balanced on his hip, the dark haired tot wearing a bright blue Captain America hat. Steve reached over to hi-five Emmy as he raised his glass to Tony, giving him a slightly tipsy smirk.

“Now we’re even.”

“Oh if you think I’m leaving it there, Spangles, you’re very much mistaken.” Tony sat down with Morgan on his lap. “Just you wait.” And wait they did.

*****

October 2020

Steve walked in the door to a barrage of noise. Lucky was flopped out on the floor in the hall and simply gave Steve a look which he was convinced was the equivalent of an eye roll and he knew why, Jamie was screaming blue murder.

 He was teething.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” Steve smiled, dropping a kiss to Katie’s cheek before he gently laid his hand on the back of his son’s head. His cheeks were flushed from the teething and his little face was stained with tears.

“I don’t know what to do!” Katie looked up at Steve, utterly lost. “He’s been like this all day. I feel useless Steve, nothing I do helps, and the more he cries, the shittier I feel because he’s in pain!”

“Let me take him for a while.” Steve offered. “You should be getting ready to go out.” She pulled a face, and Steve frowned. She had been invited on her first night ‘out’ since having Jamie, with Brooke’s mum Jennifer and a few other mom’s from the school. Well, it wasn’t strictly out, it was a few drinks and snacks at the coffee bar for one of the lady’s birthday but still, it was a chance to let her hair down and she had been looking forward to it. 

“I don’t know if I can go, not with him like this.”  “Yes you can.” Steve looked at her as she gently bounced Jamie in her arms.

“But you have Emmy and Brooke to watch as well, it’s her birthday weekend and-” Steve snorted. “They’ll be in the den in sleeping bags watching movies and eating crap all night. As long as I provide them with pizza and a constant supply of popcorn I won’t see them. Come on, give him here.” He gestured with his hands and Katie passed Jamie over, and instantly the baby looked up at his dad and broke into a teary smile.

“Oh, that’s just fucking typical.” Katie threw her hands out to the side. “I sit here all day, you walk in and after five minutes he stops.” Steve laughed and looked at her, as she scowled. “I’m sure he’ll start again soon. Now go and get ready. Go on.”

With a last look at them both she headed out into the hallway and up for a shower. When she came back down an hour or so later, having taken her time just because she could, she found Steve in the kitchen making himself a coffee whilst Jamie sat in the highchair, chewing on a frozen teething ring. He grinned up at his momma who dropped a kiss to his head, all tears and tantrums forgotten, and Steve turned to look at his wife, a smile crossing his face.

She looked knock out in a simple pair of tight jeans, a white silk vest top and black blazer with three quarter length sleeves. She’d bought the outfit especially, after finally getting down to a size she felt comfortable at thanks to stepping her training back up making use of the pool and their gym. She had changed shape, there was no getting away from that, and Steve doubted that any amount of training she did would take her back to her SHIELD Agent size, which he didn’t give the slightest shit about anyway, but what was important was that she didn’t seem to care anymore. Her stomach was more or less flat again, even if it was a little softer than before, but her hips were bigger, giving her more of a curve, which Steve loved, grabbing her ass every chance he could do. There was also the added perk that, even though she was down to one feed a day with Jamie being on solids, her boobs hadn’t shrunk much, remaining two cup sizes bigger than they had been. Another thing Steve found pretty damned fine about his wife’s post-baby figure.

But, what he loved the most though was that she was comfortable with herself and it showed tonight as she grinned up at him and gave him a twirl. He aimed a playful swat at her ass before he pulled her close and dropped a kiss to her lips.

“You look great.” He smiled and she blushed, giving him a kiss back before they heard he door open and voices echo in the hall.

“Get a room.” Emmy said as her and Brooke emerged into the kitchen. Steve arched an eyebrow and made a meal of pulling his wife closer as Brooke whooped and Jennifer, who had come to drop the girls off and pick Katie up gave a wolf whistle. Katie laughed and stepped back, shooting Steve a look that almost had him hard right there as he knew full well it meant he was in for a good night when she got back.

Emmy opened the fridge, and Steve looked at her. “Yeah there’s nothing in there, we’re getting pizza.” “Sweeeeeeet.” Emmy grinned, exchanging a hi-five with Brooke, handing her a soda.

“No wonder she likes coming here so much!” Jennifer laughed again as the two girls headed back into the hall.

Steve smiled and leaned back against the counter. “Yeah, well, Katie’s the cook, not me.”

“Don’t listen to him.” Katie rolled her eyes, picking up her phone and dropping it into her purse “He can cook most things fine, he just can’t be bothered.”

“Don’t blame him, it’s Friday.” Jennifer laughed, as Katie dropped a kiss to Jamie’s head again before she turned to Steve.

“Don’t wait up.” She winked, and he rolled his eyes, giving her a look, because he knew full well he would.  

*****

At the end of the month Emmy turned twelve and was overjoyed with the new bike, clothes and phone she got, but was most overcome with the party Steve and Katie let her have in the pool house, the parents supervising six other pre-teens from afar as they splashed about in the water before Katie fed them all burgers, mac and cheese, and enough sugar to keep them wired for a weekend. Emmy had cried again later that night, never having had a proper birthday party before and thanking them so much it made the pair of them tear up slightly too.

The start of November brought the time they’d been equally looking forward to and dreading- Jamie started crawling. And he was fast, possessing Ninja skills Natasha was extremely proud of. Steve and Katie, aided by Emmy seemed to spend all their time running after him and poor Lucky was the target of his affections as Jamie loved pulling his fur or ears. In an attempt to give Lucky some peace and to prevent any mishaps, Steve erected baby gates all over the house which were small enough for Lucky to leap over if he needed a fast escape, but they confined their little Carpet Terrorist to the room he was in.  Naturally, Jamie hated them, and would sit and scream in frustration when he couldn’t follow his parents and sister freely, and Katie couldn’t help but laugh one day as he sat by the gate which separated the living room doorway from the hall, gripping the bars and yelling in objection as she and Emmy headed to the kitchen to make lunch. Steve was stood behind him, arms folded, shaking his head, a huge smile on his face as he chuckled.

“He looks like he’s in jail!” Emmy laughed as Steve swooped him up into his arms, blowing a raspberry on his belly instantly making all the tears vanish, his angry cried replaced by gurgles and giggles.  At that point there was a sharp ringing in the hallway, indicating someone was at the drive entrance. Emmy headed to the screen.

“It’s a delivery driver.” She pressed the button to open the metal gates. Steve followed her into the hall, Jamie still in his arms. Katie continued into the kitchen and was joined a moment later by the three of them, Emmy carrying a small box.

“Who’s it from?” Katie frowned as she pulled the items out of the fridge to make sandwiches.

“No return address.” Steve shrugged, as Emmy pulled open the box. The girl glanced inside and her mouth made a small O as she pulled out the stuffed American Eagle toy that was inside, but then dropped it harshly as it started to sing. There was a pause, as the ‘Star Spangled Man With A Plan’ theme tune blared round the large kitchen from the stuffed animal, and then Katie started to laugh as did Emmy and Steve dropped his head and gave a groan.

With perfect timing, Katie’s phone began to ring and she pulled it from her pocket, grinning as she saw it was Tony.

“Ahhhh you got it!” He laughed, clearly able to hear the noise on the other end of the phone.

“Where on Earth did you find that?” Katie snorted.

“I made it, well, I made the voice box. I told him to wait! Tony Stark 2, Spangles 1”

Of course, Jamie loved his latest present. And every time Steve made an attempt to hide it, he would scream blue murder. Mind you, Steve wasn’t sure what was worse, the constant screaming or the damned song emanating from the fucking toy.

“I really, really hate your brother.” He groaned one evening at the end of November as he was sat on the floor trying to coax Jamie into playing with one of the other hundred toys he had, the infant simply refusing.

“I told you not to start a war.” Katie sniggered.

“I didn’t start anything!” Steve scoffed, indignantly “He started it with that damned vest!”

“Well if you retaliate it’s gonna keep on going, you know what he’s like he’ll…oh my God, Steve!” Katie suddenly changed subject, her mouth dropping open as she watched Jamie who had crawled to the side of the sofa and was now attempting to pull himself up. They both watched in awe as their baby grasped the side of the cushion in his hand and used it as leverage to get to his feet where he stayed for a second or two before his knees gave in and he crashed to the floor with a loud thump, his diaper clad backside hitting the carpet. There was a pause where they both waited for the ensuing scream, but it never came. Instead he gave a loud shriek of laughter and went to try again, Steve recording the second attempt on his phone, all thoughts of revenge and stuffed eagles flew out of his mind as he watched his son hit another milestone.

Jamie had a sudden growth spurt heading into December, meaning he was more than ample size for his age, much to Steve’s relief and delight, and all three of them noticed that he was incessantly chattering and although it was complete gibberish they often found themselves answering back. Emmy was best at this, Steve and Katie one Sunday afternoon hid in the doorway, stifling their laughter as she held a full blown conversation with the nine month old whilst they watched the lion king.

“No that’s Simba.” Emmy responded to a loud screech as she pointed to the screen.

More ineligible babbles.

“Nala, and that’s Zazu.” Another noise, this one a little softer.

“Yeah, he will in a minute. Not for a while though. He’s gotta go to the elephant graveyard first.”

Jamie giggled, gesturing with his arms.

“I know, right?” Emmy rolled her eyes. “Stupid thing to do, should stay on the pride lands.” A string of gibberish escaped Jamie’s mouth and he looked at Emmy with an expression on his face, just like he had said asked her a serious question.

“Well, no, I mean a lion could take them but man, those hyenas are sneaky.” At that, Emmy looked up to see her parents watching from the door and she shrugged.

“He still talks more sense than you.” Steve grinned, earning himself a scowl in response ***** “It’s wonky, Dad.” “No it isn’t!” Steve shook his head, standing back to look at the Christmas tree.

“Yes, it is!” “She’s right.” Katie grinned, where she was sat on the floor, Jamie stood in between her legs, using her fingers which she held out to support himself on his legs, bouncing up and down.

Steve stepped back and gave a groan as he saw it was, indeed, leaning to the right. After a bit of a reshuffle scattering more needles on the floor he finally righted it. Katie watched as father and daughter shared a hi-five before they set about digging the decorations out of the two boxes at their feet. Katie was happy to leave them to it shouting the odd direction and the time came for the star and the big switch on.

“You wanna put it on again Em?” he asked and she nodded eagerly. She took it in her right hand and, despite her being taller and bigger than the year before Steve easily lifted her off the floor, hands on her hips so she could drop the star onto the top of the tree.

“Ready?” she asked once her feet were back on the floor, as she ran to the socket on the floor.

“Hit it!” Katie grinned, standing up and swooping Jamie along with her so he was propped on her hip.

“3-2-1…” Emmy gave a count down before she flipped the lights and the tree came to life. “Awesome!”

She moved over to where Katie was stood and reached up, bopping Jamie on the nose who gave a smile in response. He was fascinated by the lights on the tree, his eyes going wide and he let out a loud noise of approval, reaching both his arms out towards it.

The decorations on the bottom two branches lasted approximately twenty minutes until Steve and Emmy hastily moved everything up out of his reach.

The family spent Christmas Eve afternoon with Tony, Pepper and Morgan (who was now fast into her toddler stage being eighteen months or so old) but their first Christmas together was spent at home, with Natasha joining them. Jamie doted on his Auntie Nat-Nat, a nickname Steve had given her, one she faked disgust at, but they knew she loved it.

They all exchanged gifts, giving Natasha a chunky silver chain bracelet which Katie had spotted as they were shopping not long ago, which made her tear up, and a framed photo of her and Jamie from Jamie, obviously, along with a box of her favourite sweets carefully selected by Emmy.

It wasn’t long before they got a call from Tony.

“I’m gonna kill your husband.” 

Katie frowned. “What…”

“Morgan, she won’t leave the damned toy shield alone.” “What toy shield?” Katie asked. Hearing the exchange Steve looked up, grinning and she locked eyes with him, as he shrugged innocently.

“The toy shield that was in the pile of gifts you bought her, well she’s just thrown it straight at Gerald, the poor animal is traumatised!” Katie let out a sigh, rubbing at her forehead and out of the corner of her eye she saw Natasha, Steve and Emmy share a three-way-hi five, and she couldn’t help but smirk at the sight.

“Tony Stark 2, Spangles 2…” She grinned. “Merry Christmas, Tone.”

It turned out, however, that Natasha wasn’t about to let Steve get away completely, and the solder groaned where he sat with Jamie on his lap as they opened one of Jamie’s last gifts from his god- mother, which was a teddy bear wearing a Captain America shirt and a little plush shield, not unlike the one Steve had won Katie at Cony Island. Nat raised an eyebrow at Steve as Katie choked on her glass of wine but Jamie shrieked as Steve tried to take the bear off him for a closer look, ignoring the hundreds of other toys he was surrounded with.

“Jamie, that’s Cap.” Nat said as she sat on the floor, taking the bear from him and rubbing it gently in his face causing him to shriek with laughter. Steve simply shook his head and handed his son over to her.

“Suppose its better than that damned eagle.” He mumbled as he sat next to his wife who was opening the gift from Natasha to them. Both of them looked down at the photo frame which housed a number of pictures, some of which Katie and Steve didn’t even know existed. They went as far back as the first battle of New York in the shawarma joint, where they were both laughing at something. There was one taken in a bar in DC that Katie could remember, one of them cuddled up on the balcony of the tower, then some taken without their knowledge like a particularly nice one where Kate was sat on Steve’s lap on one of the couches at the tower during one of Tony’s parties. There were a few pages of their extended family as well, including Thor, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Sam, and right bang in the middle was a photo of Steve, Katie, Emmy and Jamie, taken at Steve’s birthday in the summer.

“Nat,” Katie croaked, “it’s…”

“Fantastic.” Steve smiled, looking at her from where he had settled on the arm of the couch, arm extended along the back.

“Well, I saw the one in the hall and figured you could do with another to go with it.” Nat smiled, shrugging their thanks off as she referenced the large frame that Katie had made for Steve all those years ago.

Their newest photo collection was hung by the side of the already existing one the very next morning.

Everyone had warned both the new parents that time would fly by, and as they welcomed New Years in, this time as a five with Natasha, sitting in the garden all wrapped in blankets round the fire pit, both Katie and Steve realised that nothing else could be more truthful. As the fireworks erupted across the Brooklyn and Manhattan skyline, calling time on 2020, and Jamie’s first nine months of being alive Steve pulled his wife closer and she turned to face him.

“Happy new year, Soldier.” she whispered.

“Happy new year, Baby.” he replied softly, dropping a kiss to her lips.

**** Chapter 46

 **Original Posting**

[twoidiotwriters1]

Staring like a fool -(Bucky Barnes xGN!Reader)

A/N: It’s Bucky simping hours, might do a part two if people wants it but u have to let me know either by commenting or sending an ask -Danny

Warnings: I wrote this five minutes ago and I’m posting it without checking it twice, but Val blessed it so I won’t edit anything.

Words: 1,084

Twoidiots Masterlist

Summary: Bucky Barnes hates you. Or at least that’s what you think.

“He’s staring at you...”

“He stares at everyone,” You scoff. “Just ignore him.”

Every week you have to attend these stupid Avenger meetings even though the Avengers aren’t a thing anymore, and every week, Bucky stares at you as if you were about to combust.

You don’t know what you did to deserve this, you have no idea why he doesn’t trust you, but you can’t bring yourself to care that much anyway.

“No, I mean it, he’s not even trying to be discrete now,” Wanda frowns. “Do you want me to look into his head? See what’s his problem?”

“What’s the point, really?” You sigh. “Let’s just listen to what Wilson has to say so we can leave.”

The meeting goes on without interruption. Five minutes before it ends you start to space out, your mind moves onto your weekend plans and your eyes moves away from Sam to the window, but right next to the window, you find Bucky.

He’s definitely staring at you.

You stare at him back hoping he’ll notice he’s making you uncomfortable, however, once he notices you’re staring back his eyes move up and down your figure, he doesn’t smile, he doesn’t even look sorry about it. His eyes stay on yours for another brief moment before looking back at the front of the room.

You’re livid, you don’t know why it upsets you this much but you’re sick of it so maybe it’s time to confront him. 

Once the meeting is over you quickly exit the place and go to the parking lot where your car is. 

Maybe you should tell Wilson first, perhaps he’ll know what’s up with Barnes. Sure, you threw a few punches at him back in the day, but that was years ago! He can’t possibly be angry about that, right? Besides, why would he be angry just at you? The others were also involved in that stupid war...

Out of the corner of your eye you see some movement, Bucky reflection on your car’s window is walking towards you and that’s when you decide you’ve had enough.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” You scowl, turning around and facing him. “What the hell is your problem?”

Bucky stops and stares at you, although this time he looks definitely confused at your attitude.

“What?” He asks.

“I asked what your problem is,” You insist. “You’re always looking at me as if I were a secret hydra agent, and I’m tired of it. Just tell me what did I do for you to hate me.”

Bucky shifts his weight from one foot to another, he frowns a bit and tilts his head, clearly he wasn’t expecting this to happen.

“Uhh...” He starts, but he really doesn’t know what to answer.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter,” You continue, feeling a bit childish about starting a fight over some awkward stares. “I don’t care if you hate me, I’m not here to make friends.”

You turn around to open your car and leave when he finally finds his voice.

“You think I hate you?”

“You’re not exactly subtle about it,” You reply, throwing your jacket to the backseat and turning around again, ready to finish this conversation. “What is it then? What did I do?”

Bucky’s frown deepens, but he doesn’t look angry. 

“Why on earth do you think I hate you?”

The question caughts you off guard. This wasn’t how you thought the conversation would go, for a moment you think he’s trying to deny it, but Bucky’s never tried to run away from a fight.

“I...” Your mouth feels dry, something in the way Bucky stares at you in bewilderment makes you feel like you’re the one who’s lost their mind. “Because you stare at me like you wanna kill me.”

Bucky looks down and his mouth opens slightly, realization hits him and without being able to stop it he blushes. You made Bucky Barnes blush.

“I’m sorry about that,” He says, still not meeting your eyes. “Won’t happen again. See ya.”

“Hey, hey— Get back here!” You call when he starts to walk away. “What the hell, Barnes? Just tell me what’s going on!”

“I rather not,” He said, his back still very much turned to you as he continues to leave.

“Okay, then I’ll just talk to Wilson!”

Bucky stops dead in his tracks and turns abruptly, but he doesn’t try to get close again.

“Don’t tell Wilson. That’s a terrible idea, he won’t help you.”

“What? Why?”

“Listen,” He closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head, trying to get rid of the embarrassment. “I was staring, yes, but it’s not what you think.”

“Then what is it?”

“Like you said, doesn’t matter,” He insists, but you can’t stop thinking about how he hasn’t looked at you for the last five minutes. “Won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Geez, Barnes I thought you were kinda weird but I never thought you were a coward,” You push.

“Oh, fuck off,” He scoffs.

“A’ight, then I’ll tell Wilson you’re acting like a creep.”

“Sam told me this would happen,” He groans, although he’s talking to himself then, he finally looks up at you. “I was checking you out, alright? I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

“Che...Cheking me out?” You frowned. 

“Why’s that so surprising?”

“Because you’ve been doing that for the past three months.”

“Well it’s been a while since I tried to ask someone out.”

“So you thought it was better to just stare at me?”

“I never said I thought it was a good idea,” He retorts. “I said it’s been a while since I dated someone. Don’t give me that look.”

“I’ll give you the looks I please, Barnes, you’ve been stalking me for three months,” You retorted.

Bucky’s jaw tenses but you can tell he’s trying to hide a smile.

“That’s fair.”

A moment of silence passes, then you add:

“Well?”

Bucky shrugs lightly, he blinks.

“What?”

“You going to ask me out or do i have to do everything myself around here?”

Bucky does laugh at this, he shakes his head slowly.

“You’re too cocky for your own good, you know?”

A smug smile forms on your face, you throw your carkeys to Bucky and he catches them in midair, giving you a questioning look.

“Your date, you drive,” You reply, circling the vehicle.

Bucky grins, walking back to your car and sitting on the driver’s seat next to you.

“Pizza?”

“I was thinking pasta.”

“Sounds good.”

Taglist.

@skittles-skittles @poetryislife0715 @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​ @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual

[jbarness]

y/n’s nth date

a oneshot

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

about: common room conversations. today's topic: y/n's quite extraordinary dating life.

a/n: so i may be a bit busier than i expected but here's a lil something that's been in my drafts for a while before i post the first chapter of keys. its coming up in a few hours hehe. lol this has a bit of resemblance to one of my other works hihi. if u know, u know 😉. anyways, enjoy!! feedback is highly appreciated!! ♡

❗please DO NOT repost, translate, or copy my works❗

my masterlist

“Ouch! What was that for, Y/N?!”

Tony yelled and Steve gave you his ever famous ‘eyebrows of disappointment’ when you threw a large pillow towards the cuddling couple. They were just sitting there on the floor, not even making a sound, just enjoying each other’s presence so it was pretty weird that you threw a pillow out of the blue.

You shrugged, “Nothin’ much, just felt like it.”

Everyone’s eyes were on you now. It’s not that you were acting weird, throwing stuff is kinda your thing. It’s just that you haven’t talked the whole time you were all in the common room, and you’ve all been there for an hour. You haven’t been talking for one fucking hour because you honestly felt lonely despite being around a room full of people you considered your family.

Most of them had someone. Tony has Steve, Wanda has Vision, Scott has Hope, Nat has Bruce, though he’s not here at the moment.

That leaves you, Sam, and Bucky, the members of the Single Club.

You loved them both dearly, you do, but you wanted a Steve to your Tony. Probably not the best example because of the whole Civil War thing, but they both truly loved each other, everyone could see that.

“You just felt like throwing a throw pillow to Tony and me while we were just sitting here barely talking?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It is a throw pillow,” you said, shrugging once again.

Tony grabbed the pillow and threw it back to you aggressively, "Doesn’t mean you should just throw it out of the blue! Maybe warn us next time?”

Sam laughed, catching the pillow that was about to hit your face, “Don’t mind her, she’s just being bitter.” You smiled at him, "Can’t argue with that.”

“Well, you should try to date then,” Natasha suggested, making you, Bucky, and Sam laugh.

“She kind of gave up on it,” Bucky said and looked at you with a small smirk.

You nodded before drinking from your cup that was on the table, “I always end up in the weirdest places!”

Scott tilted his head, making him look like a confused puppy, “Like where?”

“Uhh..,” you sighed, “Their parents’ basement, a car in the shop, oh and did you forget that one time that I went home covered in blood ‘cause I ended up in a Hydra base?”

Scott nodded with a wrinkled nose, “Yeah, it’s probably safer if you never go on a date again. That basement sounds kinda weird and creepy.”

"Scott, not helping. Y/N, not all guys will bring you to the weirdest places. Believe it or not, some guys are actually pretty great and decent like, uh, Steve here. He’s respectful and kind and caring,” Hope said, completely unaware of the highly offended man beside her.

Tony smirked, “In the bedroom’s a totally different story.”

You laughed at Scott who was now sitting straight, “I’m not just gonna ignore the fact that you used Steve as an example while you’re here cuddling me,” he complained.

"Scott’s okay too, kind of a dumbass, but okay,” Hope said nonchalantly.

Wanda untangled from her lover and leaned forward, “Ooh, maybe who you’re looking for is right in front of you but you may be too bitter to see it,” she said wiggling her eyebrows.

You looked at the person who was seating across from you, “Barnes?”

Okay. He’s good looking, you’ve said that a few times to yourself already. You were friends and you were scared because if you two dated, there was no turning back. You worked really hard to be his friend after he came back from Wakanda. When he came to the tower, he always followed Steve wherever he went. He didn’t really trust anyone except for Steve. He eventually talked to the others who teamed up with him and Steve. Unfortunately for you, you teamed up with Tony. So, you only talked to him after almost a year after he moved in.

You remember it as if it was yesterday, you were teasing Sam about… okay maybe you don’t remember the exact details. It doesn’t matter! You were teasing Sam when he walked into the kitchen. You remember making your voice louder for him to hear even though you know he has supersoldier hearing. He laughed at something you said which made both you and Sam look at him. Bucky was smiling at you. It was the first time you saw it, and damn. “Please, continue teasing Sam. It can be exhausting you know? I’m glad to know that there’s someone who can take my place when I’m not there to do it,” he said sipping his coffee.

That was the day you became friends with Bucky Barnes. Aaaaand betrayed Sam Wilson.

“All I’m saying is, look at Tony and Steve. Hope and Scott. Even Vis and I. We all didn’t date first. We were…co-workers or friends first. We didn’t force ourselves to make a good first impression. We didn’t force ourselves to like the other. It just… sorta happened,” Wanda said, looking at Vision lovingly.

"Well said, Wands,” Nat smiled.

Sam clapped, “Yes! Don’t give up on love, my darling Y/N,” he said enthusiastically.

Wanda frowned and tilted her head, “Not my point.”

“What is it, Wilson?” You said, squinting your eyes.

Sam smiled nervously, scratching the side of his head, “Welllllllll, I may have another blind date for you.”

You crossed your arms in front of you, “No.”

“This is the last one!” Sam grabbed ahold of your ankle that was on his lap the whole time. You tried to kick him off, “You said that 10 dates ago!” you yelled finally sitting properly on the couch.

“10?” Steve asked.

Sam kneeled in front of you, pleading, “This one won’t take you somewhere weird!”

You rolled your eyes, “You said that 11 dates ago.”

Nat waved her hands, gesturing us to stop talking, “You’ve had 12 or 13 blind dates and all of them took you to weird places?”

You nodded. Not all of it was bad though, maybe six or seven of them were gentlemen. The rest of them were fun in a childish way. But the places, oh man, you’ve been to places you never thought you’d end up in on a first date.

“Sam, where do you even meet these people?” Scott laughed, massaging his temples.

You saw a confused Vision turn to Wanda, “Sam has friends?”

Sam stood up, “I swear, this is the– Sam has frie- yes I have friends!”

“Look, Sam, I appreciate your effort to find me love but, I’m sorry, I don’t want you to be my wingman anymore,” you smiled sadly, grabbing his hand.

“But that’s my thing!” Sam frowned, stomping his feet. You rolled your eyes, very mature.

Tony smirked, “So the spot’s open?”

Bucky raised his hand excitedly, “I’ll set you up with someone!”

“No offense but, do you know anyone else besides us, Barnes?” Natasha scrunched her eyebrows at the smiling soldier.

He nodded slowly, “Yes, I do… I-I uh go running outside sometimes, you know?”

“Wait. I didn’t mean immediately!” You yelled causing them to laugh. They didn’t know you weren’t joking. Sam gave you a date every week. Every. Single. Week. That was after the third date. The first three dates he gave you? You called them the Thursday, Friday, Saturday incident. Yep, three dates for three consecutive days.

Bucky nodded, reading your face, “No rush, Y/N. I’m just saying, I have someone who you might be interested in.”

Steve laughed, “Do you even know this guy, Buck?”

You noticed Bucky’s scrunched eyebrows and pouted lips turn to narrowed eyes and tight lips as if he was debating himself about something, “Uhhh… Pretty well actually.”

Wanda suddenly gasped and giggled causing everyone to look at her weirdly. “You okay, Wands?” you raised an eyebrow. She nodded, placing her chin in the palm of her hands, “Mhm! Continue!”

Hope cleared her throat, “This guy is not just someone you passed by or something?”

“You should be asking Sam that,” Bucky defended, making Sam roll his eyes.

Bucky looked back at you with his gorgeous blue eyes and that freaking smile that you love so much, “Y/N give me a chance on matchmakin’?”

You hesitated, “I don’t know. You and Sam might be talking about the same guy”

Sam grunted, standing up, and went over to Bucky who whispered in his ear. Sam’s eyes widened, his mouth forming an ‘o’ shape, turning to a big smile. “Very very different people, Y/N,” Sam’s smile got bigger and bigger as he went back to sit beside you.

You narrowed your eyes at the guys, “You sure?”

Here’s the thing, you don’t really trust those two idiots. They are not exactly friends, they’re more of frienemies. You three team up with one of you to make fun of the other or just prank the other.

They both nodded, “Absolutely.”

You gave in and sighed, “Okay. Just give me a week without a date please.”

“Sure,” Bucky smiled.

Nat cleared his throat, “So Y/N, tell us about every single guy Sam set you up with,” she wiggled her eyebrows, smirking.

You sighed, rolling your eyes. Yeah, this is gonna be a long night.

After the talk about your dating life, the team decided to play some games. These things usually get out of hand as everyone’s competitive, including yourself so you decided to just watch them.

You stood up from your seat to make yourself a popcorn while everyone else grabbed their own snacks. Bucky grabbed a drink from the fridge and stood next to you, watching the popcorn.

“Barnes, tell me all about the guy you’re setting me up with,” you turned to look at him.

He exhaled, “I…hope you’ll like him.”

“That’s it?” You tilted your head, “Come on, tell me more! What’s he like? Where’s he taking me?”

He chuckled, “That’s what the date is for, doll.”

You sighed, “Right, of course.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you while the rest of the team argued about what game they should play next.

“Is it… Sam?” you asked, breaking the silence.

He laughed, “It’s not, unfortunately. Unless you want me to set you up with him?” he smirked.

You shook your head, “Oh no thanks, he’s like a brother to me, you know that.”

Bucky smirked, leaning closer, “What about me, doll? What am I to you?”

The popping sounds saved you from the question, “I better…uh…the popcorn…I–” you said, doing all kinds of hand gestures. He chuckled and went back to the common room.

Damn, you can’t wait for your date with Bucky– your date with the guy Bucky set you up with. Damn it!

“Okay, these jeans or these leggings?” Wanda held up your choices.

You looked at Wanda confused. “If you have to run from your date or something. We both know you don’t like running in a dress.”

“Oh, smart,” you nodded as you chose the jeans.

Wanda was helping you out for your date tonight. She seems excited about it, you thought. You, on the other hand, are not excited at all. Wanda knows that you were debating on whether you should go or not.

This past week was… something. Bucky kept flirting with you. Sometimes you laugh at it or roll your eyes, but most times you found yourself flirting back. Steve always said how Bucky was a ladies man back in the day and now, you could see why. He’s so confident now and he is naturally charming. The weirdest part about this is that after he flirts with you, he brings up the date. And he’s excited about it! It just does not make sense to you at all.

Wanda was brushing your hair when she noticed your ‘thinking face’, “You’re gonna enjoy this I swear, Y/N,” she smiled at you through the mirror.

You nodded, “Yeah...yeah! I’ve just been thinking about...Bucky. He happily volunteered to set me up with someone then he suddenly becomes flirty every single day before the date… I just--I don’t understand,” sighing, you stood up and looked at yourself at a bigger mirror.

“No one really understands Bucky that much except for Steve,” Wanda laughed. She turned you around and checked whatever else you may need. “You’re good to go, honey!”

“Where’s Bucky?” You asked. Wanda smiled, “He’s out, Sam’s taking you to the...place you’re supposed to meet.”

Sam was awfully quiet driving his car. Something is definitely up. It’s been 15 minutes without him talking. He just hums whenever you talk.

“Alright, we’re here. Enjoy!” Sam said after he opened the car door for you. It was your favorite fast food place. Bucky must’ve told the guy that you love the food here.

You checked your messages for the 5th time tonight, ‘he’ll approach you when you enter :)’ Bucky wrote. You exhaled deeply, entering the restaurant.

“Hi, you look beautiful,” a voice from your left spoke up.

You looked over to see, “Bucky? What are you doing here?”

“I’m James, your date for tonight,” he smiled cheekily.

“Are you kidding me?” You raised an eyebrow, keeping yourself from smirking.

He shook his head, giving you the small bouquet of flowers he was holding. Taking your hand, he brought you to the table where you usually sat whenever you’re here with him. You were trying so hard to hide your smile but when you look at the man in front of you who was still smiling cheekily, you gave up and laughed.

“You know, Bucky told me you were cute and boy was he wrong. You’re beautiful, doll,” he said holding your hand that was on the table.

“Oh yeah? Did he also say that he flirted with me for the whole week after telling me that he’s setting me up on a date with you?” You smirked.

Buck-- James shrugged, “I mean, can you blame him? With you looking beautiful all the damn time, I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t make a move on you.”

You laughed, “Okay, okay. I still don’t understand any of this though.”

His flesh hand found its way on your cheek, making you look at his hypnotizing eyes. “I like you. A lot. You’ve always been so fun to be with, doll. You’re witty and sarcastic most of the time but you can be understanding and sweet when you need to be. You’re fierce and powerful. I just can’t get you out of your head ever since we went on that mission with Sam” he chuckled at the memory, “Remember? You took down the HYDRA agents while wearing that awfully large gown. Later on, we heard you singing a Backsync--?”

“Backstreet Boys”

“Backstreet Boys song, while there were screaming and gunshots in the background. You’re really strong and courageous, Y/N. I absolutely adore you.”

“I didn’t take you to be a sappy little shit, James” you smiled teasingly, “Buttttttt, I absolutely adore you too.”

He laughed, "Good to know, doll. But uhh, spoiler alert, you'll end up in a weird place after this date too."

You smirked, "And where's that?"

"In my arms," his cheeky smile found its way back to his lips, "Cause one's metal, the other's flesh. It's weird. Get it?"

[jksangelic]

heaven’s winter (m)

RATING: M

GENRE: fantasy, fluff, smut, a hint of a soulmate au, light angst

PAIRING: village daughter!reader x seraph!yoongi (alternatively, an “angel”)

WARNINGS/TAGS: lots of overthinking/past angst regarding both reader and yoongi separately (yoongi especially), tae is involved as an important plot side character but he’s barely in there i’m sorry, surprise aggression from yoongi because u get in his personal space, slow burn smut but the smut is nice and flavorful, explicit sexual content, body worship, oral sex (female receiving), virgin!reader, clumsy cute smut uwu, unprotected sex (wrap it up pls), several positions, unintentional temperature play?, lots of love and respect up in this house and lots of other things i probably forgot. 

also i wrote a lot for the intro you can skim idc lmao.

SUMMARY: your duty as the village daughter places you in line for the season’s Offering; a tradition not to tread lightly upon. as the snow falls slow and heavy, and the seraph awaits in the shallows of the mountain, you fail to realize what the winter has in store for you.

WORD COUNT: 18,600

NOTE: welcome to my slice of the Fantastical Stories for Curious Souls Collaboration!

it’s always really an honor to be able to work with other writers and i’m really grateful that they allowed my butting-in )))): thank you all!!! make sure to check out everyone’s stories in the link above and let us know what you think!

(uhhh i just..... i spent way too much time on research and the politics behind this fic for it to still be aLL oVer tHe plaCe but please cut me some slack. might i throw in that this has no religious/cultural affiliation and instead has more of a fantastical theme to it that is entirely fictional. especially for the concept of the Offering and how i loosely throw around the word “angel” and “heaven” and etc.)

((might i add that i recently discovered that i am *terrible* at describing geography and am totally basing it off of video-game visuals........ cough cough zeldabreathofthewild))

(((this last one’s kinda important!!!!: yoongi is described to be larger than you bc he’s this magical bird being. i always try to keep reader insert broad in description but if you’re taller than irl yoongi boongi, pssst, you’re not in this universe sorry but i make the rules)))

((((this is currently unedited. @14statelier​ get to work.))))

Part One

The snow falls slow and thick. The children catching it on their tongues and compacting it to shoot at each other, screaming and wailing all the same as it continues to pile. It fell particularly early this time around, normally nothing more than cold bitter to the skin and clouds stirring prediction of the oncoming winter. You were always a heavy sleeper despite the beauty of first frost, long past your days of childish amazement through fogged windows and warm fires but you watched the icy cotton substance pile since dawn this morning. Not even drowsiness will overrun your excitement for the day ahead.

“You light three incense and make sure they burn all the way through before you turn around,” Taehee states.

“Find some stones on your way. Use them to hold the tapestry down as you set up. It looks especially windy today,” Mina adds.

Yoona finishes tucking your hair back rather tightly, “You should stop by Jin’s and pick up some extra bread. You know he’ll give you some of his fresh batch if you asked for it.”

You suppose, not even the nagging of your aunts.

You chew on your fingers, a nervous habit. Taehee pulls your slobbered index from your lips with a wrinkled forehead, “You better remember this, dear. You only have to do it once but if you do it right, it’ll be worth much more.”

You recite drearily, “Follow the path, set up the altar, say our prayers, return home.”

“Once the incense is out, Y/N. You mustn’t forget.”

“And you cannot explore the manor. Don’t walk around. Don’t look through the windows—”

“It’s a manor? How big do you suppose?” you ask with newfound interest to your words.

“That doesn’t matter, girl. You don’t wander. You don’t explore. You do what is told of you and nothing more. What matters is that you don’t spot a seraph, and that the seraphs don’t spot you.”

You never understood that rule. If the seraph tribe was so kind as to help your country win a rather one-sided war, then why the invisible boundary? To be in alliance and never interact was an odd sense of unity to you, if any. “Have you ever seen a seraph? Is it true they have two sets of wings?” You’d always been curious to the subject, a fairytale-like existence just waiting below the peak.

“The elders claim they do. A large and small set. Some say it’s necessary for having human proportions. You know, they say it’s bad luck to stare at a seraph’s wings. ” Mina says in awe in correspondence to the way she suffocates you with your robe’s sash.

You swat her away, forcing down a smile, “I don’t believe that, you haven’t even seen one! How do you even know they exist!”

“Hush! You’ll get into some real trouble if an elder catches you saying that. They exist. And they live up the mountain. And you will do the Offering with utmost delicacy and respect. Besides, you’re the only one coming-of-age this year! A girl to do it by herself is surely something the leaders will appraise of you.” You avoid their scrutinous, expectant gazes.

You could say you’ve been cursed at birth. Weak in basic skills in which an adult, regardless of age, is identified by. You lacked time management and a sense of direction, you harbored a bad habit of looking down when you spoke, you couldn’t even wash the dishes without chipping a glass. Your legs worked against you at random times, quite literally tripping you up and deeming you as a clumsy, pitiful thing. As you grew older, the only skills you were able to contribute were to the fields, where things were organic and didn’t require fragility.

“I am not as useless as you think of me,” the words come out unprompted but true and exposed.

The women gawk and babble like hens in a flurry of angered denial or soft apologies but you no longer have time to discuss unimportant matters.

In the midst, rough, giant hands encase your face. You don’t realize you’re looking to the floor until Taehyung props your chin upwards, met with smiling eyes and an ear-to-ear grin. His name rolls off your tongue in surprise.

“Hey, don’t start moping before you even start. It really isn’t a big deal. You hike all the way up to the riverbank more than the others and that’s a long way. This is no different. And think, when you come home everyone will come to realize how much they’ve missed you! Me included.”

“It’s not that I’m…” You start haphazardly. Well, it’s not that you’re reluctant to do the Offering. To adventure otherwise prohibited land and by yourself, to prove that you can handle life just fine and don’t need to be seared by the judgement of deploring eyes. Some time to enjoy solitary peace. It wasn’t even a whole day, dammit, but you’ll take what you can get. You choose to lie, “I guess I am a bit nervous. I’ll make sure to pace myself. Besides, I’d run myself short if I finished in half-a-day like you.”

Tae puffs, a little proud of himself, “What can I say… I’d like for the little ones to look up to me.” You roll your eyes, scanning your bed for your scarf. Taehyung eyes the cloth as you wrap it around, a rare moment of quiet. He stares, entranced, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him so focused. As you think about inquiring his statue-like manner, you notice that more of the silence is due to the disappearance of the squawking hens. Those sly, evil matchmakers.

You suddenly pull him along and towards the exit, “You can’t be in here. You’ll get us in trouble.”

He blinks dumbly and slumps against your ministrations. “Your aunts seemed to be fine with it. And it’s not like I haven’t snuck in your window a few… several times.”

Your expressed sheepishness is his favorite source of entertainment, “Goodness, as kids! You make it sound so rebellious.” He winks as if you share a grand secret, all to his imagination of course.

Taehyung, on the other hand, was the village’s be-all and end-all. Born to work and carry everyone else on his back. He stands tall with his shoulders wide and prominent, chestnut waves that reached his cheekbones now. Shirt tight around his torso in ways that could excite anyone that risked a glimpse. You can’t help but find it amazing how much of a crybaby he was when you were young and how sturdy and dependable he is now. He was humorously your polar opposite.

You try to shoo him once more, “Anyways. I’m getting ready and you can’t see me. Go wait with everyone else!” His pout is jarring paired with his hard, strong build. Like a teddy bear with abs and palm blisters from years of physical labor.

His body moves on his own at some point, reluctantly reaching for your door handle, “No parting kiss upon my cheek, fair lady?”

It’s obvious he’s being more daring these days. With frequent visits and gifts on your doorstep, and now requested kisses. The whole town knew you were likely to marry him, a relief for most. But on your hand, you’ve just known him for so long. Practically since you were born. You’ve already shared kisses, you’ve already had those butterflies in your stomach; but the kisses were stolen in secret and the butterflies were stagnant. And although it was never a consistent nor official courting, you felt as though Taehyung was already a route taken. You know better to never admit that into the air, though. Not when everyone expected your cooperation with marriage at the least. To care for someone so special, and to bear his children plump and healthy.

What a static life to live, you try not to think. You instead try to blame such thinking on your inferiority complex, to at least ease some of that horrible guilt in your stomach. You should be grateful for your life. Talentless yet adored. A village princess that was easy on the eyes and sought after by those looking for that beauty and its accompanied dowry.

A proposal was near, that much you could tell with his efforts. In his perspective, the sooner the better lest he want someone else to steal you from him. Contradictory to your own reasoning, the only relief you find is that it is him, your dearest friend. Perhaps the only one to disregard your shortcomings and want to fill your empty spaces as much as he can. He cared about you and that could be enough. So you try to convince yourself of that.  

You kiss his cheek softly and without hesitation. Not so much as a blush. He suspects nothing less than mutual adoration and takes his leave like you request, leaving you alone in silence for a relieving twenty seconds. Then the hens come back inside and squabble about who will be able to sew together your future gown.

 Part Two

It starts under the old pine tree on the far side of the village. A crowd gathers as you wait under the swaying branches, mutters and looks of excitement apparent. A cleric waits beside you with three elder women who prepare your things: a woven satchel loaded with the items that you are to lay out, things like dried flowers, fruits, fine wines, tapestries, collected crystals, baked goods and the incense. A replica display of what little the humans had presented at the foot of the seraphs. Untouchable beings with class and power much above your own. Kindness as well, so it seems; to be provided with just this and offer unparalleled assistance to a hopeless cause in the old wars. You wondered if they still watched from afar, curious to the well-being of their mortal neighbors.

"Dear, keep your mind with us. You'll be off shortly," one of the grandmas whisper, placing a carved selenite athame into a leather holster and slipping it into the confines of your robe, "For protection." You smile and thank her kindly, tuning back into the ceremony and waiting for the second elder. They continue to adorn you in charms and traveling goodies, eventually piling on unnecessary weight that will, for sure, slow you down in the process. The trek was basically a day’s trip. If you moved efficiently, you should be home no later than when the sun begins to set, in time for supper even. As much as you’d like to stay out longer, you dare not risk a night in the mountains.

“—this year’s representative will be just as prosperous. May she bring good fortune and health onto our town just as the many before her has done so,” the old cleric roars into the audience, just about finishing his speech as you start to listen. You hope he didn’t say anything too significant. Can’t possibly hang on to every dry word when you were so close to tasting temporary freedom.

You make your way into the parted sea of people, some who grip your hand as you walk by to invoke strength as you move along. A few grumble good luck’s and come back safe’s. Then an angry baker charging through helpless bodies.

“Take this, you stupid girl. You were supposed to stop by the bakery this morning,” Seokjin whines, thrusting what seems to be a warm pastry wrapped with cheesecloth into your hands.

“Thank—Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bug…”

Jungkook pops in from nowhere, hitting your shoulder a little too playfully, “Chin up, love. Don’t be back too soon.” You nod shyly as he distances behind. Jungkook always had a strong nose for your facades but he also always kept your secrets. Clutching your things tightly, you watch your boots as they pick up speed through the mess of attention.

“Good luck!”

“Watch your surroundings, little one.”

“Come home and don’t wander off!”

You leave northbound until you no longer hear their cheers. Until the snow no longer has indented prints and you think you’re alone and off to the races. A sudden tension snaps when you release your sore cheeks from an artificial smile, not even aware you were sporting one in the first place. There was always a heavy pressure when you presented yourself to the public, and while you were no damn princess, everyone ensured that you at least feel the looming responsibility of one. Curse your family’s political ties and all that, otherwise you wouldn’t give a damn if you seemed like an old witch spotted once in a blue moon.

When you reach the border gate is when you see Taehyung for the last time today. It comes as a surprise to see him waiting for you like a loyal dog, dark hair sprinkled with snowflakes, red cheeks a striking contrast against the bright setting. If you were more grateful, you’d think he looks particularly good today. If anything, it strikes you more that you failed to see his face at the send-off.

“Hey. I didn’t want to do this in front of everyone else… and today of all days but if I don’t right now, I don’t think I ever will,” he jumbles. In his hands hold a scarlet scarf, the same one you had seen as a child when his mom would occasionally take care of you, let you help bake, and playfully dress you in her accessories. All but that scarf, folded neatly and tucked into a corner or her closet.

“Oh! Don’t touch that, love,” she said, “That’s something my mother-in-law made for me.”

You had pouted then, a spoiled brat of sorts. But Taehyung’s mother’s eyes were always warm and she spoke softer than cashmere, “I have to give that to my son when he decides to marry. Will you make sure he finds the right one, for me? You are his best friend, aren’t you?”

You remember the challenge you felt, yelling without hesitation, “Taetae will marry me! When we grow up I’ll be his bride and you won’t have to worry!”

She giggled in contentment, eyes squinted in a wide smile and petting you lovingly, “Ah, of course. I know you’ll be a wonderful wife, Y/N. Taehyung will be in great hands.”

“I had been there, you know,” Taehyung chuckles, “When you claimed you’d be my wife when we got older. I was hiding in the hallway and initially, I thought, ‘I’ll never marry my best friend!’. But, now… I just can’t imagine wanting to marry anyone else.”

You grin at him sadly. Of course he had been holding onto this his entire childhood.

“Taehyung…”

“We’re still young, I know that. I just want to give you this for your trip to make me feel more at ease and so you can think about it. You can take all the time that you need. I know Mother wouldn’t mind, especially for you.” You nod. It’s all you can do. Taehyung pulls you into a tight embrace and kisses your hair. When he pulls away, he wraps your neck into the warmth of the scarf you’d always wished to wear. But it’s almost suffocating now, locking in your fate before you even step out of the village boundaries.

“For now, just come back to me. I’ll be waiting for you no matter what you decide.”

You can fathom the communal disappointment of rejecting your strongest suitor. More importantly, you would be shameful to turn down his proposal. Once it was out there, there was no “decision”.

You can imagine your aunts now, squealing in delight and sewing from their best cloths.

 Part Three

Though you never had the chance to explore much, this really was nothing you've ever seen before. An ominous stairway carved into rock weaved in and out of your trail which made it fairly easy to follow along. You can't imagine the labor that went into sculpting this far ahead and all the way up the side of the mountain; it was truly something mind-boggling. As the air begins to thin, the amount of snow starts to grow thicker. If you had waited any longer into the winter you wouldn’t even be able to see the path, you’re sure.

You only need to stop twice to catch your breath and sit down. Snacking on the bread Jin gifted you only a few hours ago. It’s satisfying to look back at the area you’ve covered, how small things look from your height and the beauty of a fresh snow blanket. The scenery to the riverbank was nowhere as near breathtaking to that of the mountain. A dreamscape of evergreen trees and varying shrubbery, crossing over a short wooden bridge floating over a near-frozen stream, even occasional wildlife prancing into view. The summit itself wasn’t terribly high. It was manageable to hike for the most part, more so that your goal wasn’t to reach the peak. 

You could travel all the time, you think. Hike or take a horse somewhere farther than here but that’s not very practical. There was nowhere really to go and you didn’t have the luxury to just up and leave your household, and now Taehyung. The knots in your brain seem to loosen, blame the inclination and dry air infiltrating your head. Knowing your life was to be faced someday and all your immature ambitions to leave the village now seeming childlike and unattainable. The pessimism had yet to blow out your weak flame of philosophical rebellion but it was surely keeping you in check.

Judging by the sun's position, it's midday. Meaning it shouldn't be long before you catch sight of the "manor" and thus will be halfway finished with your journey.

You nearly walk off the cliffside before you notice the route's abrupt change and how it slithers deeper into the eye of the mountain. The farther you walk, the closer the earthy walls begin to shut in on you in a trench-like structure. It's even more unbelievable coming upon a short archway, perhaps man-made and mined through a boulder that could have fallen from atop one of the peaks. Being here, you realize, makes you feel small. Slithering through the terrain like a fairy in the tales your mother had told you at night. Of beasts and cryptids that could appear in the tangles of forest and vanish all in the same. There was a sort of dreamlike trance you found yourself in as you walked under the rock as if it were a portal.

And, unexpectedly, it's there. Atop a few more dreadful flights of stairs, hidden between an odd bundle of trees and beneath a fresh veil of snow, you can barely make out the silhouette of a house. It's still a bit far and eerily surrounded by fog but it's there and it almost looks as if it's... floating. Like a gateway to a secret nook of heaven.

It's one of those odd, puzzle-like mirages when you climb more steps to think you're only getting farther from the house. The swaying of branches keeps you from determining just how big it is and what it could possibly conceal. Even the atmosphere, chill and intimidating, makes your heart skip in perplexed anticipation. Having been at this for hours, if the staircase hadn't just ceased you would have kept walking straight into the dark wooden door.

But your aching legs find relief in the stretching flat surface of a porch and your exhilaration to reaching such a majestic destination that you could squeal. Of course, you don't, and instead get started at the task at hand.

You kneel onto the cool floor and begin to unload your things, neatly and without the need to rush. You lay stones on each corner of the tapestry to hold it down, you lay out the contents in somewhat of an aesthetically manner, you strike a match to light the incense and you mumble your thanks on behalf of the village, all as you were told. The snicker under your breath comes unwarranted as you finalize the display, even Taehyung couldn't have done this well.

It feels a little anticlimactic; a little short-lived. To have come up this whole way and spend a maximum of five minutes in somewhere you could spend days exploring. Idling, you can practically hear the warning clucks of your aunts engraved into your brain.

"Don't dilly-dally!"

"Come straight home."

"Even think of doing anything funny and I'll have Seokjin roast you alive."

Maybe it's why it's even more satisfying to you when you ignore them altogether, standing from your position and just dying to see the rest of the manor's exterior. One peek, one peek and I'll never stray from instruction ever again, you think. Just my last burst of freedom and then I promise to be a good girl with no more personality than a wet dish rag.

So you tiptoe to the massive door and lean your ear against it as if you could hear anything with its size and the strong winds. You questioned if anyone even lived here, void of any decorations or signs of recent activity. Maybe the deer would get to the food you laid out before someone even stepped foot on the property prior next Offering.

When there are no obvious indications of life do you weasel your way around the corner, an extension of the porch wrapping around the side of the house to much of your assumption and revealing an expanse of space. The cabin was two stories at the least, maybe even three if not had been for the first story windows and how incredibly tall they were. You could only imagine the comfort of being inside such a space, being able to wake and watch the snow behind a glass wall of incredible proportions. While you ogle the window do you, of course, fail to realize that it's transparent and startle a bit when something begins to move.

The reflection makes it a bit difficult to pinpoint, a large dark figure shifting ever so slightly in its confines. Like a complete buffoon, you near the wall even closer with squinted eyes just making out the shapes of an entity.

Whatever it is, it's incredibly large. A heart in shape and composed of monochromatic blacks, reaching the floor and surely much taller than you. It was killing you that you couldn't figure out what the hell it was, well-near leaning against the glass as you peer into the private space.

You freeze in place as the elongated heart is really in the shape of wings, accompanied by a body as they’re dragged behind it like a veil. Long and dark and ruffling occasionally as their owner rotates a bit...

But you don't get to see his face. The man in which you firmly believed could be nothing but a myth; as propaganda by the village elders to keep your actions in check. Rather, the seraphs were more authentic than you could have ever imagined, and as magical and inspiring as it may be, so are the Offering rules that are now proved and justified, and that could only mean that this was very, very unfortunate timing to be snooping around property that was not yours.

Your feet scramble backwards in attempt to flee out of sight, instead graciously slipping against the frozen wood and causing you to land quite harshly on your side. Your hip burns at the impact but more horrifyingly important, the crash rattles the side of the floating stoop and his eyes burn into your pathetic body. The moment is wedged between fractions of a second, eye contact barely existent but it's enough to see the daggers in the seraph's irises. It's enough of a warning for you to get back onto your feet and sprint as carefully as possible away from such a gaze that could light this winter wonderland into disastrous flames.

All that comes across your mind as you rush down the steps is how wrong you were. How you unjustly became more and more skeptical of the stories and legends of the creatures that existed in the crevices of the mountains. How numb you became to the warnings as your age drew near for your rite of passage. How much of a taboo you would become if you were to ever tell a living soul that you witnessed a seraph and its marvelous wings. Not that you would.

Your ability to run brings you to the realization that you forgot your things but it was beyond you now. For once in your life, you cherish the idea of being home and hiding under the covers in the tranquil warmth of a familiar fireplace. To dream away the moment that dark angel caught a sly fox trespassing into his territory and, rightfully so, looking as if he craved to skin it alive.

You yelp at the sudden caw of ravens as they fly overhead. Their screeches send shivers to your bones, a sudden chill slowing you down. Rustling in the nearby trees deem you completely terrified, a gut feeling deducting the possibility of winds blowing that strong in the middle of dense shrubbery. Your heart drops once more; your athame was left in the abandoned bag.

The last time you had seen a wolf was when you were barely a toddler, sleepily held in the arms of a younger (and much kinder) Mina. It lurked in the woods just past the fields, a little young and possibly separated from its pack. But wolves were smart and they knew better than to make trouble in a town of loud humans. You remember the way it pulled its ears back and slinked back into the sanctity of its wild home and never to be seen again.

These wolves were smart too, howling their announcement upon finding a small, weak girl all alone and oozing dread. Two pairs of eyes track you as their corresponding bodies stalk out of the bushes, large and sleek and beautiful. Both grey and both incredibly hungry, they begin to pace around you maybe 100 feet away. You startle back and up a stair, most favored option to return to the cabin and retrieve your bag, maybe stay near for a bit until the creatures leave but then another, black and larger than the other two, barks harshly and stands its ground on your sacred steps. You are royally trapped.

“Stay… Stay back,” you warn dumbly, looking to the only open direction in the woods. You wouldn’t be as fast as on the path as long as you had to maneuver through the snow but you could possibly break off a hefty branch. Enough to ward them off to get back to the cabin and pray that the seraph doesn’t pose more of a problem than flesh-eating hounds.

So you sprint, robes clenched in your fists and boots sinking into the pillows of ice, disappearing into the trees and disregarding the snarls that start up behind you. You look desperately for something, anything to help you. Snow begins to find its way into your shoes each time you trip over yourself, wetting the soles of your feet. Hands scraping against bark with each twist and turn and your fingers burn. You only look back occasionally, seeing no more than one pair of eyes at a time at a short distance. This must have been a fun game to them, howling their contents into brisk air.

The black dog truly appears from nowhere, a flash of teeth from your left peripheral before it tackles you to the ground the same moment you find a dead branch and thrust it into its snapping jaw. It all happens too fast. You yipe as you roll through the fall, wolf teeth still digging through your only weapon and snapping the poor thing to two. In pure desperation, you dig the sharper broken half into whatever it’s willing to hit. Fortunately enough, the wolf whimpers and tumbles off you. Then you’re off once again, adrenaline ringing in your ears as you don’t even care to recall which way is which, as long as it’s away from, what can you assume was, the Big Bad Alpha.

More howls from them, more cries from you.

You’re able to return to the path without another spotting. It turns out you were going the wrong way when you’re also met with the narrow exit and that cursed archway. A gateway to inevitable death.  

Halfway through the gap in manic rush and you’re face to face with a beast so pale that it camouflaged with the flurry encasing you both. Eyes clear as water and almost… comforting. Even with the low rumble in its throat and one paw in front of the other in a slow, tantalizing chase. The others growl behind you, an enraged black-furred monster bleeding from its right eye socket turned quite smug now knowing that you were completely, utterly trapped.

It’s when the white wolf soundlessly drags a deep wound into your thigh while the three merely watch is when you ascertain that it is, undoubtedly, the pack leader. You fall back as the beautiful thing toys with you, snatching the front of your thick robe and shredding it with a sickening rip. You scream for the first time this entire chase, grabbing at Taehyung’s scarf in fear that it got caught along with it, caring for it more than your own life at this point.

The scream must have been piercing enough to discombobulate your attacker, it’s large ears flitting around as it jumps away from you. It’s even more of a shock when they all flee out of the divide, leaving you bleeding and too traumatized to move an inch. Whatever alarmed them devastates you even more.

The ravens caw loud and the ground vibrates. Watching the birds circle in the sky, you notice the way pebbles begin to crumble from each peak, how snow begins to over pile on such weak grounds and the way it begins to slide inward.

It’s an odd sound; snow sliding against other layers of snow and having so much weight that it pulls a few small trees with it. And this trench-like area only had so much space and you were positive the amount of white that begins to hurl towards you would fill it like a water cup; bury you with absolutely no chance of being able to dig your way out. Despite your fear, you cower at its charge and wait for the weight to hit.

 And then your head lolls back against something wonderfully warm and dry. You were completely soaked but too exhausted to shiver. In your last moments of consciousness, with your neck craned uncomfortably, you see the ground as the sky and the sky as the ground and feathers as feathers. You think of home. Think of warm summers where you would dip your feet in the riverbed. Think of bonfires with Jungkook and Jin and Hoseok and even Taehyung. But everything is still snow and you think you’re beginning to loathe each damned flake. The only comfort you find is the homeliness of the carmine red material that blows softly against your face. With that and the fleeting thought that you might be righteously transported to heaven do you finally pass out.

 Part Four

Yoongi wasn’t particularly fond of humans. Unlike his brothers and sisters that sympathized with such weak creatures enough to put their own lives at risk, it was just something he would never come around to understand. Species were organized and separated for reasons and intermingling was a curiosity that died ages ago for him.

Which is all a hypocritical contradiction when he sees you sleep soundly on his common room couch, changed into dry clothes and buried beneath a heap of duvets. Whatever had possessed him to go after you was pure impulse after the stunt you pulled on him. Prowling around on private property and, more importantly, breaking the village’s strict ritual rules. Catching him going about on what would be another unmomentous day in his schedule, creating enough of a ruckus to capture his attention, and then fleeing as a feeble mouse.

It’d be a lie if he had said he didn’t watch you scramble away down the steps from the comfort of his front door and a fresh coffee in hand, watching you stumble over nothing on your way. It was more when you had left your things like a pure imbecile, food and tools and all, and left without even waiting for the incense to finish burning. It was then that he came to the conclusion that you were incredibly clumsy and that served as entertainment to him.

The howls were his test of will. Knowing the dogs were way farther up the mountain than they normally were and supposing they had followed your poor, unfortunate soul during your trek, waiting for the perfect time to strike. And you were practically handed to them on a silver platter, considering you’d left your only knife on the cold wood of his porch.

Maybe he had come down, grumpily disturbed from his peaceful Saturday, more to save himself from cleaning the remnants of someone eaten in his vicinity more than the compassion to save you. But that was a tad bit too cruel, even for him. He thinks it was more of that uniquely curious glint in your eyes as you practically skipped into his sight. Daring enough to ignore those rather ridiculous warnings and try your luck. Delicate as a deer in hunter’s perspective. As often as he’d go out to restock supplies in neighboring towns would he never come across a visitor in his own domain. Call him quaint, but it was a mediocre surprise.

He prods the fire, making it crackle and reflame with more vigor. It had barely been a few hours since he’s saved you by the skin of his teeth, almost caught in the landslide himself.

He checks the wound on your leg once more, cleaning it again before securing it in bandages. If only he had gotten there faster, Yoongi tsks, but you’d strayed from the path and he could only follow the prints so quickly before they were covered by the flurry. By the time he found you again, you were knelt in front of the pack and submitting to your death. Had he not been on a hill, had he not been able to utilize his useless wings to glide down before the snow had claimed you first…

You groan softly, unable to roll around without a searing poker sinking into your thigh with each attempt. Contrast to the icicle state the rest of your body sported. You felt like hell. Like hell in hell guarded by those hounds. Hell in your thigh and hell in your head and hell in—

“Don’t move too fast. You have a fever and I just replaced your bandages,” a disembodied voice orders. Your eyes snap open to tall, wooden ceiling. Sitting up is your first horrible mistake, dropping back down immediately with a pained wheeze.

“I just said not to move too fast. If you can sit up normally, you should drink some water. I have some here,” it speaks again. You try again cautiously, blurry spots ruining your vision the farther up you scoot. A silhouette is kneeling beside you, maybe a cup in his hand but you’re too jumbled to confirm.

Yoongi tries his best to fold in on himself, lowering the obvious limbs stuck to his back and appear as human as possible. You wouldn’t be able to run again in your state but he tries his best to be courteous to your skittishness anyway.

“Where… Where am I?” You dazingly question. You don’t really… recall too much. Last memory somewhat muddled between your send-off and contact with those treacherous wolves, very few in between and serving no importance if you couldn’t remember how it ended.

“You’re safe in my house. In the mountains still. You passed out pretty good out there, been out for a bit. Now drink.”

It’s easy to do as your told with you’re running off little brainpower, downing the water hastily.

The voice scolds, “Hey, slow.”

At some point, you can see again. The blankets that cover you and the large room you inhabit. Of course, the seraph from earlier that awaits by your seat. His seat. But you feel no urgency to scurry into safety. You were discombobulated, sure, but you knew enough that this man was kind enough to bring you into his home and care for you. So you fold back the material slowly and watch his face contort into confusion as you try to stand.

“I’ll be on my way. I’m sorry to have bothered you. Thank you for treating me.”

“Woah now. You’re in no condition to be standing. Besides, the path is blocked. Snow was too heavy and caused a slide. I doubt it’ll clear until the spring,” he informs, looking out the window as if to drag your own attention to it. The snow stopped but it’s fallen a few feet, at least. The path, you remember, chased by wolves and led into an ice trap. The few split moments in which the man must have scooped you up before your demise, remnants of being carried back towards his estate.

His place, in which is even more amazing inside than it was outside, a luxurious wooden mansion of sorts, tall and spacious and filled with those incredible windows that displayed better than you could have ever dreamed. The man himself that sits beside you draws full attention. Despite his position, he was large and still intimidating as the moment you crossed sights for the first time. Hair matching his wings in dark palette, soft and delicate looking. His face anything but, sharp eyes and thick brows, lips that curved into a simper. Above all, he looked more human. Even as radiant and prepossessing as he was, if the cape of wings didn’t follow him where he went he would look just as human as the rest of the population.

“Are you a seraph?” You ask dumbly. Dumb, because he laughs and because he obviously is.

“Are you a human, pretty thing?” He retorts. There’s no condescending lilt to his words but it makes him seem otherworldly to you. With such a provoking question and your lightheadedness, he seemed a blessing to be inhabiting such an earth.

You melt into the cushions once more, leg throbbing and eyes heavy. You watch his wings as they bob with his breath, “They say it’s bad luck to lay eyes on the wings of an angel…”

“Why would that be?,” he scrunches his nose, maybe a little appalled by the idea, “Such a misleading myth. Besides, I’m no angel.”

You don’t know why he stands to leave the room after that, unnoticing how you fall back into sedation a minute later.

 Part Five

You wake with clarity. Check your thigh to find it almost completely healed over except a now lingering scar. All’s left is a dull soreness but god it felt so much better. Enough to stand and stretch in the empty room. Enough to coherently realize that you only wear your underwear while the rest of your garments hang torn and sadly on the fireplace screen. It’s not as unbecoming if it had to be done for the sake of your health and wellbeing, right?

Getting dressed is easy when you don’t even bother with your robe, the gash decreeing it useless and instead tying Taehyung’s scarf around your shoulders as a shawl over your tank. You’re lucky it didn’t get torn.

There’s a fleeting moment where you really think you miss Tae, feeling a little regretful to being so afraid of his proposal in light of the recent accident. You’re sure he must be worried sick; must think you’ve perished under the debris and snow if he’s come to look for you. As his best friend, you solemnly wish he was here to hug you close and promise that it would all be okay. To fend off your shame and welcome you back into the village with teary eyes and a warm smile.

“Ah, human. You’re awake.”

You whip around to discover fox eyes in the door frame, poorly lit now that it’s nighttime. The moonlight pairs well with how it sits on his milky skin, almost something out of a painting.

“It’s Y/N. Not ‘human’.” You answer a little sharper than you mean. He notices too, quick to wave it off since he really had popped up out of nowhere. He tries your name once on his own tongue, a satisfying thing to say.

“Pleased to meet you. I’m Min Yoongi, in case you don’t want to call me seraph all the time.”

You suddenly grab your thigh, rubbing it over your pants in questionable disbelief, “How long have I been asleep? My leg is almost fully healed…”

He rubs at his eye, a little nonchalant about the scene at hand, “Only overnight and throughout the day today. It’s probably quarter to nine about now. I had medicine to help your cuts heal over nicely. Call it, uh, advanced seraph technology.”

The gashes hadn’t been incredibly deep to begin with, thankfully not going any further than the first layer of skin and just really causing some bleeding, but it was still amazing. The feeling is short lived. Even if only a day, you’ve overstayed your welcome.

“Thank you, um, Mr. Min. For saving my life and everything after that. I’d like to repay you sometime. But for now I’m afraid I should be heading back, I’ve stayed for too long. I’m sure I can find some way over the path.”

It dawns on you that Yoongi is a little facetious, especially when he purrs a, “Well you can do whatever your little heart desires, but I’m here to remind you that there is no path. Here, look out the window.”

You do, tiny bit distracted when he stands by you to point out the ridges of the mountains that surround you. “See those? How they curve in towards the top and how it sort of resembles a bowl? This area was made only for seraphs to get in and out of generations ago; flight only. Trying to climb it would be suicide on both sides. The path that goes through was strictly for human use, and if that’s blocked, there’s no way out, little one.” You weren’t the shortest in your village but Yoongi truly was massive, both lanky and filled-out somehow. Like there’s underlying strength to his lean build. You’re sure if you were to stand directly in front of him, the top of your head would barely surpass his sharp shoulders.

You disregard his name for you, a bit annoyed at this point, “Could you not fly me over the pass?”

Yoongi repeats in disbelief of such a daring request, “Fly… You over the pass… No. I’m sorry. I won’t do that. If you truly want to figure it out, you should do so soon. It's storm season."

Gritting your teeth, you express your discontent for once. What did he save you for, then? For points? You didn't know members of the almighty seraph clan were so keen to half-completed deeds. "And why not? Wouldn't you rather I be on my way? What am I supposed to do if I can't leave?"

"You forget yourself, Y/N. Did I not save your life? Chase after you and save you from being crushed? Buried alive?" He takes a second to straighten himself out, aware of how you look to your feet in frustration.

"Hey," he starts again, "I know you'd like to go home. I only tell you the truth of your situation in its entirety. If I could fly you over the pass I would but unfortunately, I'm out of commission."

You feel heat in your face, embarrassed of the way you address a complete stranger even after all the things he's done for you. But this was frankly a sticky situation to find yourself in, trapped and unable to get Yoongi to help you any further. Though you do wonder what he means by his last statement...

"I'm... I'm sorry. I don't mean to make demands. I'm just scared and in a place I'm not used to and I'm not quite sure what I'm to do from here. Is there no one else who can help me over?"

Yoongi averts his gaze before he shakes his head, "I'm the last one in this country."

That's even more odd to hear but you don't prod for information that isn't yours to learn.

In silence, you contemplate the work that even went into carrying another human body by use of wings that were structurally built for the owner's own weight and possibly nothing else. Now was not the time to be ignorant.

“What am I supposed to do?” You mumble weakly. Yoongi watches your gears turn warily, stress surely beating down on you.

He rubs his neck, ruffles his left wing, “Listen. I promise I’ll help you back come spring. You won’t be able to make a dent in the landslide as long as it continues to build with snow every night.” He tends to forget that humans are pack animals, often lost without one another and feeble in the hands of species not of their own.

Your doe eyes, beginning to well with tears, convince him over tenfold, “I’ll help you in any way possible to pay you back for all the things you’ve done. I know I’ve caused nothing but trouble but if you have the room, is it possible I stay here?”

And Yoongi had enough vacant rooms to house a whole herd of deer now that he’s been alone for these sum of years. It really was no trouble… and he could make use of you as long as you stayed. His brow shoots up, “You can stay.”

Your grin is enough to light the whole room encased in night’s darkness, looking back down to the ground now knowing you had some hope to hold onto in such an eventful day. A whisper of a thank you Mr. Min is thrown in and Yoongi can feel his fists tighten.

He clears his throat, standing a little taller than he already is and acting strict, “But there are some rules. And you can just call me by my first name.”

 Part Six

 It's always a little weird trying to adjust to new scenery. Though your past experiences have been anticlimactically different than this; not exactly the first time visiting a friend's house or dropping off delivered goods from Seokjin's shop and awkwardly facing an elder who forces you to stay for tea.

Yoongi had shown you around the areas you needed to know. Offered you the closest room to the main part of the house with a king bed, fresh sheets and your own majestic window to stare out of. The living room which you had rested in before and the kitchen, grand and spacious just like everything else. He showed you a greenhouse out back that was utterly ginormous. Stone walkways and a hot compost keeping it from freezing, rows of plants you both have and haven't witnessed before. And again, he showed you what you needed to know.

That goes onto the chores he assigned you as long as you stay, to help him clean come Sundays and manage the plants throughout the week which served as no problem. At least with horticulture you proved some use, struggling throughout the weekend to do anything else but cause Yoongi a bit of a headache.

Tuesday rolls around and Yoongi stops by your room with stationary. Tells you he has a messenger bird to deliver any letters you desire to send home and you hop on the opportunity quicker than the landslide had tried to eat you up.

Of course, it was an exceptionally long letter. Longer than the papers Yoongi had given to you and he had to fetch more when you looked absolutely devastated sitting at your desk. You began with the simple phrase, "I'm okay." Filling it with a volley of explanations and apologies, how you were nearly killed, how the seraph had scooped you up to safety and how you inhabit his home now until further notice. You write how you talk, sure the recipients are sure to read in hushed mumbles and run-on sentences. You explain that there's no use to try to get home now while the clouds continue to precipitate and gate your only exit from the bowl-like wonderland. You end with how you miss them already, a request to send back an update or two every once in awhile, and a final wish to have a happy winter without you (though you're sure they won't appreciate that joke).

You think, if they really receive the letter, how terribly furious they'll be with you. Taehyung and Jungkook will probably come hiking up the mountain to try to put a dent in the debris and fail miserably. Your aunts and how they must feel even the tiniest bit of guilt for thinking you so small and helpless. Mina and her jealous wonder that you've done it now, how you've seen a seraph before her and you're positive she'll have a flurry of questions when you return. When you return.

You come out onto the balcony to pay your respects to your so-called "messenger", pretty white thing large and wide-eyed. Humorous is the familiar to another winged being, bird of a feather, you chuckle to yourself. Yoongi pays no attention when he murmurs directions to the bird and sends it off, straight in the direction you were hoping.

Thursday and you think you finally have your routine down. No longer unsure in the hallways and able to sit when your work is done without feeling completely out of place. It's only when you're around the other member of the cabin do you feel a little subdued, reminding you that you burden him and quickly finding something to do out of that guilt.

❋

Today you feel a bit sluggish. You drag yourself down the corridor, opting for the bath until you see a dark head in an open room. Yoongi sits in his study, presumably reading with his back facing you. You can't say you've seen this room before, ceilings just as tall and walls just lined with books, journals, art pieces and things of the like.

"You can come in," he snickers suddenly, maybe feeling the heat from your eyes boring into the back of his head and warming the space entirely.

"This is amazing... Your collection, I mean." You force yourself down in a chair, hands trapped underneath your thighs in case they feel like touching anything.

"Thank you. It took quite a bit of time to build it up. Not by myself, of course."

It makes you ponder. If he's mentioned his state of loneliness twice, then your questions were expected.

"There were more, right? Family of yours? Why are you the only one left?"

"One question at a time, yeah?" He swivels around and takes off a pair of reading glasses that you would have liked to inspect on his face a bit more, "I can't leave because I can't fly, remember? They left because they held no other duty tied to this land. That's all."

You quiet. He returns to reading whatever it is on his flat desk. "Why can't you fly?"

"Because I was hurt."

"How were you hurt?"

"Next question."

"What are you reading?"

"A story of a girl with a terrible habit of too many inquiries."

"You know, I loved to read when I was a kid. All kinds of things. Novels, studies, maps even. Now I never have the time for such pleasantries." A wistful sigh leaves your lips.

Yoongi eyes you beneath his lashes, watches as you survey the room with giddiness and hands taut underneath your bum. "Why's that?"

You frown, "Too many things to do. Jobs and cleaning and family and stress. If I have time to read, I have time to be doing something more important."

His lips curl, amused at this little play-thing in his room. Like a child scolded all her life, whining and pouting in front of a stranger. Yoongi stands tall and shrugs his sweater tighter around him, "Well then, you'd better hop to it."

"Hm?" You squeak, chewing on your lip when you meet his eyes. So innocent.

"You only have the winter to read these. I'd get started soon. After work is done and you want to poke around in here, feel free to do so. Take them to your room if you'd like, just please return them."

And he swears he sees damn stars in your eyes before he turns and leaves the room. He hears your immediate footing once he's halfway to his room, little yelps of excitement enough as his thanks. Yoongi can't help but smirk, eventually floating away and speaking way out of earshot for you to hear.

"Nothing is more important than the things you want."

 Part Seven

 After a month, you find it a little boring. After receiving a teary letter of how your family misses you, not one ounce of scold or chastisement more than it was just wholesome relief to see familiar handwriting, their only wish was for you to stay obedient and not write so often as to waste poor Yoongi's paper. It was typical, somewhat stress-relieving. And that was that.

It was often you spent your quiet interest reading of botany and romance (in what little you found of it) preferably in his study on days he's holed up in his room. At this point, he still remains somewhat of a mysterious entity, conversing when he must and accidentally showing his face once or twice like a ghost. The only times you really see him are for Sundays with idle chit chat.

One particular evening you find an old, ratty recipe book. Handwritten and falling at the seams and that's how you know that there are some golden tips in there for you to test out.

You choose pumpkin bread. Something to warm the palette while ice continues to build outside. And working in Yoongi's kitchen by yourself was oddly fulfilling, no one to correct you or send you off to another job if you fail to do the first. It's probably why your bread turns out perfect, slicing the loaf and placing a piece on a small plate for a friend.

Rather, someone you'd like to establish as a friend.

You haven't seen him once today; not odd but a little lonely. Pacing on the carpets and looking for an open door with any sign of a sly angelic being. Even after a month, it's the first time you've freely made something with intents of sharing with him. Was that rude of you?

Coming upon a jarred entrance, you speak softly, "Yoongi? Are you in there?"

No reply.

You clear your throat and toe the door open just enough to stand in its frame, "Yoongi? I made some pumpkin bread for us—"

Thank your soft voice does it not wake him, still a snoring log in a bed even larger than yours. His limbs sprawled widely, laying on his stomach and breath soft and slow. Sleeping in the middle of the day while his guest slaves over the stove must be quite nice, huffing subtly and placing his plate on his night desk. Sure to be spoiled even more when he wakes to a treat.

As you turn, your eyes can't help but dawdle over the expanse of his wings. One covering a naked back and one hanging off the side of the bed, a marbling effect of muddled sepias and ink blacks, occasional golden ochre pigments seeping through the deepest layers of feathers. It was utterly breathtaking. This has to be one of the first opportunities you've had to inspect them so, equating staring at his monstrously large wings the same as blatantly staring at his junk.

You draw close like a moth to a damn flame, checking to assure he's still sound asleep. Reaching delicate fingers, you dare to lay a palm on the mass. It's surprisingly strong, an odd firmness as you slide your hand down silky plains and watch as the feathers ripple by your touch.

Then, as if you weren't dumb enough to foretell the upcoming events, he wakes.

A whirl of darkness encases you, whips you around so fast that you see stars in the middle of day, completely flipped and pinned to the bed beneath you. The intense heaviness makes you recoil, unable to budge your wrists and legs with Yoongi's strength.

And his face of unadulterated fury is one that would be ingrained into your memories forever. Pupils dilated and nose scrunched like prey warding off predator. Yoongi was surprised to say the least, a scared frenzy of confusion as he growls down at you.

"What were you doing, human?"

Your weeping gains no mercy, "Ow, you're, you're hurting me!"

"What the fuck were you doing?" He spits.

Incoherence is not what he asks for but that's all you can give, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I won't touch them again I was just—"

His wings which were so beautiful to you before, makes you feel nothing but fear now, flapping angrily as he keeps his balance and shrouding you in shallow lack of light. When he lets up on his grip, you gasp like he also held your breath. Immediate relief streams through your blood, though he continues to trap you between his thighs. He asks you again and you sob.

"You know what happened the last time I let one of your kind close? Nearly fucking killed me for no reason. You know why I can't take you down the mountain? Why I'm stuck here by myself? Because a goddamn human stole my ability to fly. I can't fly anymore, do you understand me? That's all that I was and they took it!"

Yoongi sees the pity etching onto your face like some sort of charity case. With your pathetic excuse for tears that claim to sympathize with him and it makes the bile in his throat grow. As for you, you could have never imagined such a travesty. Those words that seem to bounce around in your skull, to be wholesomely one thing and to be rid of it by someone else's doing, you could never relate to that.

You itch to relieve his pain in some way as if he never lashed out on you to begin with. Like you were the one truly at fault here even though you know it's a two-way situation. Your hands struggle to not touch his face, to attempt to alleviate those dark, regretful feelings. "Yoongi, I'm so sorry. I would never—I would have never known--I'm from one of the villages where we look up to the—"

"Yeah, well I don’t trust people," He cracks, lungs filled with muddled sorrow.

Both of your breathing is ragged. He takes his leave off your body and sits on the edge of the bed, wings lamely drooped.

"Leave." So you do.

 Part Eight

 You find the most beautifully carved wooden bow the next morning. Sun barely risen and adventuring around in nooks you haven't looked through before. You find it, accompanied by plenty of arrows, leaning against the wall right outside the backdoor. Though it's been months since you've last hunted, you ache to make use of yourself. Wearing bundled layers of the clothes Yoongi let you borrow from what was left and bounding through the condensed areas of the woods behind the cabin.

Food isn't scarce to hunt for, you've come to realize. Rabbits abundant and easy to kill once you got the hang of it once more. Two are struck and red seeps through white. You always sink your knees into the ground after each kill, whispering your thanks before you move back to the house.

Taehyung's father had taught you the basics of hunting and fishing and everything that came after that. Skinning and cooking and preserving the flesh something everyone in the village should learn to do, he had said. Even after your mistakes, even after your hesitation for your first kill, he'd always pat you on the back and reward you with the first bite of fresh food.

You miss them all, especially now. It wouldn't be long until you saw them again with maybe a bit of heightened skills. You hope they'll be proud of you.

Yoongi wakes a little after you're finished cooking the first rabbit. He stumbles in quiet and groggy, as if having no recollection of the previous altercation. But he doesn't speak, doesn't so much as look your direction before he plops at the head of the dining room table and begins to sulk in an odd inner-turmoil state.

You wait a minute or two by garnishing the meat unnecessarily; perhaps he was waiting to say something. To apologize. To ask questions. To kick you out once and for all. Well, you'll beat him to it then.

You set his plate down in front of him, the jarring sound breaking his trance enough where he can finally meet your face.

"I hope you don't mind I used your bow. I cleaned the arrows afterward and put it back where I found it," you hesitate. "I appreciate your kindness thus far; to take me in like this. I was a complete stranger and you gave me shelter anyway, so I thank you. I've packed and cleaned and I—I think it's time I leave now. I'll find a way to get over, I don't care. And I'm, I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused, Yoongi. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable but I overstepped my boundary way too far yesterday and I apologize profusely."

You find that you dig your nails into your palms as you talk, head craned parallel to the floor and you wonder if Yoongi could even hear you when you were so rudely speaking to the rugs.

"Stop, you don't... You don't have to leave. There's still no way you can get over the snow." He massages the back of his neck, tense in his own skin.

"I'm so sorry," you repeat. "I let my stupid curiosity get the best of me and I can very clearly see how that made you feel alarmed and uneasy and—"

He cuts you off, "You know the myth, right? How it's bad luck to see a seraph's wings?"

Confused, you nod.

"It's not literal. It's a metaphor that it's bad luck to see our vulnerabilities. Our faults. Years and years and years ago, when the war was still active, I got mixed up with a human. Within enemy boundaries. I was naive and trusting and they made use of that. They sought out my weaknesses, ate 'em up and covered my suspicions with false adoration and love," he says the word like it's an illness, "But then. But then one night, they put something in my water. Drugged me. Something was wrong and I didn't fully go under. I suppose their original plan was to take me, probably torture me as a prisoner. But I caught on and still had a bit of composure and when they realized the drugs didn't work, they sought to kill me instead. Used a dagger and plunged it into my back as hard as they could. Right," he reaches an arm behind and massages a spot, "Right in the cross-section of where all four wings meet. I should have been paralyzed but we're tough. I can still move them but I haven't been able to fly since. Thank heavens I wasn't killed but..."

You can tell by the way that there’s no emotion in his statement, how true it rings, "That day, I might as well have been."

You wipe the pools of tears with your scarf, heartbroken for the shattered man that sat in front of you. Having to bear the sight of his wings every day and full-knowing he would never be able to use them again.

His voice croaks, "In their eyes, my own family's eyes, I commit a sin just by making such a fool of myself. The war ended and I was punished. They left me here and claimed loneliness is what I deserve."

Yoongi then realizes he sounds as if he's trying to justify yesterday's actions and literally sinks to the ground, "This isn't supposed to be a pity party. I just thought you might want to know why I am the way I am and how I had no right to snap like I did. I know you're from the north most village. And that you would never try to do what they did and I was wrongfully paranoid."

Then, out of all things unexpected, he grabs a bare ankle and lifts it out of the length of your dress. When you hobble, he grabs your gentle hand with his other to balance you. He can see the marks he left, not too dark but enough to tell and he can't help but despise himself. In pure remorse, he presses his lips softly to each bruise, not lingering for more than a second, before cowering to the ground with his head low.

"My sincerest apologies, Y/N. You don't have to leave if you don't want to. I prefer if you wouldn't. I'd like to get to know you and redeem myself, as selfish as that may seem. Maybe, until spring, I can make up for the things I've said and done—"

You sputter, voice too high and full of embarrassment as you struggle to pull him up, "Please! P-Please get up! I am at fault here! Don't kneel, please! You have nothing to make up for!"

Mouth agape and eyes wide, he watches you yell your affirmations and weakly tug on his arm. It was like watching a little kid throw a fit and that makes him chuckle aloud, how could he have ever suspected you as harmful? When your large eyes shed tears like no other and you impulsively make decisions for others before yourself. You were kind and he could see that. He laughs hard and you stop your squawking.

In disbelief you fall to your knees right beside him, looking plain stupid while you're at it. It occurs to you that you've never heard him laugh like this, smile so wide that his eyes crescent endearingly and it just lights up the room. After watching his handsome face radiate forgiving happiness, you join in too.

You eat rabbit together. The conversations from there on out easier to come up with, more emotional and found in the midst of tranquil understanding. Like you now shared a bit more of each other than before.

Occasionally, you think of all the sadness he must have accumulated until now. Of the things that happened to him that shouldn't have, and those years of isolation and abandonment that he suffered. But now you realize, too, how he's able to laugh and continue on despite those melancholy winters in a desolate place that he once called home. How it's all he can do as his only sign that he's still alive.

 Part Nine

The weeks after that seem to breeze past you; time racing when you have more things to do and someone to do it with. Yoongi really meant it when he said he would try to make up for his past harshness; never daring to miss a meal, spending more time in the livelier rooms if it meant that it was to accompany you, going as far as helping you out with your own chores if he hadn’t taken them over entirely. It was a polar opposite of who you knew before.

The first time he joined you to hunt again, in favor of how you had cooked his meat the last time, he layered himself in clothing that made his appearance softer than you’d ever imagined. Leaning towards darker garments that contrasted against his opalescent skin.

In some haughty attempt to show off your archery skills do you aim for a squirrel in a less-than-mediocre angle, letting the arrow fly without a second thought and piercing good ol’ trunk. Yoongi had a fabulous time laughing at your mishap, yanking the wasted arrow from the bark and handing it back to you.

“That was a horrible shot,” he said.

The temperature of your cheeks could have melted the snow, taking the thing with shaky, embarrassed hands, “I was being hasty.”

“You got two rabbits. I know you’re good. Let me just show you some things.”

You walked behind, letting him tread through the snow first so it was easier for you to fall into his prints.

“There. Squirrel,” he whispered. Probably the same one, mindlessly crawling up and down trees like target practice.

“Let me see your form again.” You aimed, self-conscious and probably showed it. You shivered when he swiped a hand under your grip arm, pushing it back.

“Keep it aligned with how the arrow is facing. Completely centered. You can widen your feet a little too,” his voice soft. “Don’t completely lock your elbow but tighten your back muscles before you hold. Does that make sense?”

“Mm. It won’t stop moving though, the squirrel.”

“Watch this.”

Then Yoongi had dug through the snow for a small stone with enough weight to throw. Aiming for a far tree to the right, he tossed just hard enough to cause a knock to echo in its vicinity. The squirrel halts, presumably looking for what caused the noise in its unknowing last thoughts.

“Shoot.”

And it landed perfectly.

He watched you silently each time you had knelt next to the victim and mutter your thanks, both sorrowful and appreciative. It was the first time he ever witnessed someone, frankly, talking to dead animals and at some point he asked you why you did so. You responded with a giggle, briefly claiming how all living creatures deserve the same respect, to be mourned, to not be wasted. Yoongi finds interest in the concept of valuing each as their own and of the same importance in the Grand Circle of Life, probably something his family would never have stopped to think about. The seraphs had always placed themselves above others in a deserving, self-righteous kind of way. It made him think.

❋

A particularly windy night and you caught him in the seat of his study's window, drawn to the mirage of colliding trees and listening to the croaks of the house on its plot. A muddled bottle sat on his desk, its glass counterpart being twirled in his hand.

"Do you like storms?" You asked.

"I didn't used to," he answered, unfazed by your sudden entrance, "Caused problems a lot of times. But I think they're pretty fun nowadays. And you?"

"I like when there's thunder and lightning."

Yoongi faced you at that, your twiddling fingers and the way you scanned the dim room.

"Would you like to join me for a drink?" Although it was a question he poured you one anyway, barely anything more than a few sips worth. Obliging, you took the liquid. Pride a little stung in all honesty, pretty aware of your high tolerance.

He tittered, "Don't pout. You can pour as much as you'd like. But this stuff is ancient, concocted from poison and the desire of Death itself. Watch yourself."

It was always a trait of yours to take on a challenge, though, ignoring his warning and foolishly gulping it down. The burn was subtle despite its awful, awful taste, yet you poured another and let Yoongi watch you spiral down the rabbit hole.

Two stories and one half-glass later and you draped yourself very unladylike on his desk, too warm and too moist and too loud.

"Yoongi..."

"Yes?"

"Min... Min. Mr. Yoongi."

"That's wrong but that's me."

"Yoongi you have to keep a secret. That I'm going to tell you! From Yoo—from Yoongi!"

"Wait, that you're trying to keep a secret from me or—"

You must had forgotten, instead focused on bunching your skirt and tying it higher up your thighs, "Soooo hot. Too warm. I'm going to leave it like this, ‘kay?"

"You don't have to pass it by me. They're your clothes," he said, biting back laughter. His accidental peak of pretty, bare legs could have made him think different though. Reverting his gaze back out the window, he wouldn't have been surprised to see lightning that night.

Taking his eyes off you wasn't his best idea. Hobbled out of his chair and sneaking to his place with hands buried in feathers before he could shy away. Yet the wonder stained your eyes with childlike amusement and he wouldn't dare change that face. So he idled in a flustered mess, relaxed in the way you unknowingly massaged his muscles.

"Pretty wings, Mr. Yoongi... Can I touch them?" You asked stupidly. Yoongi grumbled.

When you finished evaluating, you swiveled awkwardly and tripped over his knee, a yelp escaping your lips as if he wouldn't catch you in one swift motion and onto the safety of his lap. Yoongi could smell the bite of alcohol that stained your breath; could see how swollen and red and beautiful it had made your gentle face. The proximity was deadly and your innocent, apologetic features could have slain him right then and there. You didn't even make another peep, eyes drooped in what he assumed was embarrassment for your clumsiness.

In which he thought wrong, your hands slapping each side of his face and squishing it together horrifically. "Pretty face, Mr. Yoongi."

"Alright, time for bed."

You fought all the way until he tucked you in, out with soft breaths and sprawled arms. Even after he had laid you down to rest and calmed back in his lair, there was no slowing the fondness that grew in his ribs.

❋

You don’t know when you’ve started looking forward to Sundays, springing out of bed in the morning with a green thumb and a will to dig, or so you imagine. You knew Yoongi would be waiting for you in the greenhouse and spent a little extra time rinsing your face, doing your hair, and double-checking nothing was in your teeth.

Yoongi was already checking the pots when you had gotten there, wrapped in black per usual and winking as you walked by. The familiarity by now was tangible. There was always a nice flow to your conversations and Yoongi doesn’t back away when you naturally find yourself in his space like he used to. It was both a prideful accomplishment and an endearing new relationship that sparked joy every time you were able to do something together. To step back and see the difference over your time spent here, the things you’ve done, and the way Yoongi warms up slowly.

He watches you mindlessly hum as you harvest what you can, voice soothing when most times it would have been dead quiet. That’s what it felt like being around you: like a void suddenly filled, his whole being gravitating to your aura. You were addicting, if he had to admit.

The scarf, somehow pristine despite how often you wear it, is shuffled up your neck as you do one thing or another. Like a constant reminder that it’s there, you always feel the need to touch it.

Yoongi points to it, “Did you make that yourself?”

“Hm?” You follow his line of sight and crumple the red thing in your hands, “Ah! No. It… It was a gift.”

“Ooh, from a suitor?” He doesn’t mean any harm when he jests but it prompts the things you’ve left at home. No matter how much you’ve tried to suppress it down and not nitpick on the responsibilities you’ll have to return to. Awful as it seems, it makes you take notice to the sun and how it begins to peak out more with every day. You push the thought down once more.

Instead you laugh nervously. Yoongi knows immediately when you say nothing but, “Mmm…”

His gut twists from a melting of surprise and disappointment. How could he be so dim? To not even hypothesize the mere possibility of someone else being in your life. Though the feeling weighs heavy on his head, he speaks lightly and with a smirk.

“You must miss him then.”

“Yes. Of course. We’ve known each other since birth and have been best friends for as long as I can remember!” You chuckle, “He gave this to me right before I left and claimed we could get married once I returned. I was so shocked that I made myself sick thinking about going back. Just nervous, I suppose.” Taehyung, as expected, never said anything in the occasional letter updates to you. He meant it when he said he would only wait to talk about it for when you came home but you ponder how he feels now; what he’s been doing. If he’s changed his mind once he’s realized how incapable you are that you couldn’t even do the Offering correctly, but you know that isn’t true. Maybe just wishful thinking.

You throw dead leaves in the compost and Yoongi eyes you.

“’Shocked’? It’s not something you’ve been looking forward to?”

You look down, “It’s not that I—I don’t know! I just have seen him as family for so long and then there’s this sudden proposal without even talking about it beforehand… And everyone expects it. For me to just be married and have a family and all of that but I just, I just don’t see that for me so soon.” Your words begin to jumble and Yoongi hasn’t seen you so stressed within the span of twenty seconds before.

“Forgive me and my input but isn’t the most important thing what you want? You could just turn down his proposal,” He suggests like it’s the easy answer, hoping you don’t suspect a hopeful tone in there.

“Does it really matter what I want?” You stop to think about the people who matter to you and what would ease their minds most when it comes to your future. Marrying Taehyung seemed like the only option. “I can’t turn him down simply because I don’t want to. That’s selfish.”

“That doesn’t make very much sense to me.”

“Well,” you sigh, “in the village it’s courtesy to accept a marriage proposal regardless of how you feel. It’s the receiver’s obligation to be grateful towards—”

“Is that how humans treat their women?” Yoongi spits, agitated just by the thought. He leans against a table next to you, arms crossed like he’s simply not having it, “To ignore your own say and force you to think you should just be appreciative? That’s some bullshit.”

“It’s not as serious as I’m making it seem it’s just…” You think of your aunts and the elders and Taehyung’s mom. How you’ve grown into a nuisance, lacking here or there. The time where you were supposed to return to the village after a successful Offering and marry and finally be someone to be proud of. “In my case, especially, it’s probably better off I’m just someone’s wife. I’ve never been much to begin with.”

And that’s truly heartbreaking for Yoongi to hear, so much that he becomes enraged with whatever twisted society you grew up in, “Y/N. What have you been doing these last few months?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean, what have you been doing? Just sitting around? Watching me sweep circles around you? Serve your meals on a silver platter and draw your baths? No, because you’ve been doing that yourself. For yourself. By yourself.” The look of confusion on your face causes him to huff before he continues. “Sure, you were a little rough around the edges with some things but who isn’t? You hunt, you cook, you read like no other, you do a lot of great things and it’s not because you’re trying to do it right. You do it right when you like what you’re doing.”

“Yoongi, I understand. Thank you but you don’t have to—”

He walks toward you, lecturing on. “I know it’s by unwanted circumstances. But has your time here been horrible? Have you despised being here and doing these things?”

Your answer is immediate, “No. Not at all.”

“Has it not been nice to have your own space and do things simply because you want to? Because you were thinking of yourself?”

“I-It has been… I don’t know where you’re getting at.”

Your legs hit the corner of another table and you notice he’s backed you up into it.

“So, you go back and you do what you want like you have here. Don’t worry about what they think. Wait until you’re ready. Marry for absolute, unwavering love. Be a little selfish,” Yoongi hooks your chin with his index and props it up. You didn’t even realize you were looking to the ground. “Look up.”

Your heart stammers, “But Taehyung…”

So Taehyung is his name, Yoongi thinks. He frankly does not care.

“Do you love him?”

“W-What?

“Perhaps I was mistaken. Do you want to marry Taehyung because you truly love him?”

You see his lips before you hear his words, parted and nearing you bit by bit. So close that you feel his warmth, aching to close the distance. “I…”

A shovel clatters onto the stone and Yoongi removes his arm that’s found its way around your back, shuffles backwards and lets your hand fall from his face. It was natural to touch him, you realize, unaware that you feel distant and cold when he’s away.

Yoongi picks the damn thing up and curses. It wasn’t like him to be so forward, close to doing the unimaginable to you. You, who was involved with someone else. Heading towards the door, he ruffles his wings like he’s restarting.

“Forget I said that,” he requests, “I’m going to wash up.”

You nod, frozen in your spot with legs too unstable to dare walk. Without even knowing you had reached for him, so close to doing something you’ve only been secretly daydreaming about of recent and how incredibly wrong it was for you to think this way. But in another sense, you would feel worse lying to yourself by saying you weren’t attracted to the seraph. It was a twisted contradiction of emotions and you could scream.

Needless to say, you don’t see Yoongi until the next day, and even then nothing is mentioned of the almost.

Part Ten

On Tuesday, the bird returns with a letter from your family and Taehyung. It’s brief, with evident relief that the snow is melting and how happy they’ll be to see your face. Your heart sinks at how much you miss them yet how angry you are to receive the letter. To what extent would they be happy to have you home? Until you dare humiliate Taehyung when you turn him down? To dishonor your name and his parents and gain the glances of people who care more about your failures?

You calm and shoo such immature feelings away. Yoongi is confused when you don’t send a letter back and you return to your room early that night.

❋

You haven’t had a full night’s rest that entire week. You’re sure Yoongi notices the tension and that makes you feel horrible, but the lingering necessity to run to him and never go back to the village is too prominent to just face head on.

He’s been checking the trail every day, making dents on the softer parts of the snow when he can and updating you when he returns. You know he doesn’t want you to leave and you know he thinks you feel the same. Maybe it would have been better if you hadn’t said anything about the proposal that day.

Flipped onto your back, you stare at the ray of moonlight that floats atop your bed. You would miss it here, so much that it hurts your throat. You would miss the windows, the kitchen, the greenhouse, the library that Yoongi was happy to share. It goes without saying that you would miss him the most.

Unprompted imaging of a possible future with him interrupt your thoughts, something so uncertain and fortuitous in comparison to the stone-set fate you have now. What the stoic seraph would think if you just asked him to stay a little longer, until you know you would never leave. The landslide and how much you had hated that unfortunate event seems so insignificant now, replaced with a dimmed appreciation for this life detour, no matter how short lived it will end up.

You’re probably on the verge of sleeping now, thinking of the incident and it’s wild connection to your present out of pure lunacy. You could bet your entire existence on the fact that you were meant to meet him; your entrapment by the snow no mere coincidence. Neither was Yoongi’s endless solitude atop this mountain. It had to be fate that you two were to meet at this moment and your heart feels it so strongly.

Even for you this could be too far-fetched, or maybe you were just trying to cover up the way your heart is undoubtingly falling for Min Yoongi.

 Final Part

 You prod the logs, provoking them to catch more of the fire. In your last night do you decide to pour a glass of wine, kneel on a pile of blankets and snack on the charcuterie board you made for yourself. In the past, you used to be so hesitant about helping yourself to the manor’s amenities, having no problem doing it now.

The lame, weak fire is your only source of light in the large living room, clouds blocking the moon from shining through. You feel, immaturely, just as cloudy. Set in your intentions to leave your feelings locked away as to not cause more trouble, confusion, and inevitable heartbreak.

“You look quite comfortable,” Yoongi surprises you and he can tell when you jolt. Speaking of the devil. He looks great in the dark too, leaning against a wooden pillar with folded arms.

“Well, it feels like I’ve lived here for quite a bit. Just,” you break to sigh with exaggeration, “soaking it in before I leave. Too beautiful to not.”

If not for the crackling between the wood, it’d be dead quiet.

“Would you like to join me?”

He titters, rolling his eyes before he walks your way. Laying on his side, you offer him your glass. “I hope you don’t mind that I used the wine from the ritual contents. With the stuff you normally drink, this must be nothing.”

“Like water to me but I’ll enjoy it nonetheless.”

You cheers to nothing with one glass to share. Occasionally picking off meat and fruit from the board and enjoying how the fire builds up.

“Your family will be so happy to see you.”

You hum. You suppose they would. Avoiding the bitterness you still associate with the thought.

“And I’m sure Taehyung will be too.” He says a little clipped. Not in a way to be facetious or sarcastic but because he feels the need to address it.

Yoongi is caught on the carmine scarf again, downing the rest of your poor wine.

Forcing a smile, you speak faintly, “Let’s not talk about that.”

At this point you both know. He nods to keep you happy, but there is no hiding or pretending. In front of the flames, your lies and justifications seem to melt away unspoken. Changing the subject, you shove him lightly, “You’ll miss me when I’m gone. I don’t think you’ll ever learn to bake as well as I do.”

He tuts, which is refreshing. “I’m great at cooking and baking, I’ll have you know. It was just nice having someone else do it for once.” You feign betrayal and scoff aloud. He mumbles low, “But I’ll miss you for more reasons than that.”

And he breaks an unmade promise not to bring it up again. Feeling the need to throw it out in the open and even with the simplicity of admitting that he’ll miss you, you really know what he means. The seraph feels for you. He feels deeply. Yoongi doesn’t expect a response, just pops more food in his mouth and rests his eyes.

You contemplate, following suit with a bite to a grape and thinking hard. What to do. What to say. How to say it if you did. You weren’t supposed to feel this way and it goes way beyond the rule of even coming in contact with a seraph, let alone unconsciously falling in love with one. 

But that’s just it: how you live by assumptions and rules based off the words of the ignorant villagers and the elders, how they all believe the seraphs are all still here, how they think there’s a direct relation to the Offering and a year’s good harvest, how it’s bad luck to see a seraph’s wings when it’s brought you anything but. If you learned anything from this winter, it was that you found you own way of living, thank the curiosity your home curses you for. Making your own path instead of aimlessly walking one that was already paved. You learned to trust yourself a little more while Yoongi propelled you forward and believed you deserved it all. You learned you did deserve more. You learned what love really felt like when it was new and fresh and exciting and real. And Yoongi. Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi was the wine to your previously empty glass, and this winter with this man, it was heaven.

You decide the realization is enough for you. Have been gifted with so many things and blessings that you’re grateful for the chance to have met someone like him.

“I’ll miss you, Yoongi.”

Yoongi tastes bitter in his mouth. He felt that if all these years left alone in a manor of silence and rejection was to eventually meet you he would do it a million times, but if all you could reciprocate was this then it just wasn’t meant to be for him. It felt unfair but it also wasn’t his decision. He takes the sourness with him and stands. “I suppose I should head to bed.”

Your sad stare breaks his heart, even more so when you give up and nod. The fire catches your attention as it pops and you leave it at that. He tries to walk away, footsteps haunting, until he stops altogether.

It comes unexpectedly when he wraps his arms around you tightly, pressing his knees into your back. A weird sight it is to see his wings unfurl and curl around your rigid body. “Are you satisfied? Is this enough for you?” His voice is soft, like he could take either answer as long as he heard it from you directly.

“No.”

“Why don’t you ask for more.”

“You’ve already done too much for me, how could I possibly ask you for more?”

He hisses liar into your ear. “Is it your family?”

“No.”

“Is it him? Taehyung?”

Here you are again, faced with a question that tore you apart in the garden while you ached to be with Yoongi anyway. But there were no distractions here; nothing to interrupt your thoughts. Just you, Yoongi and your truth. He loosens his grip so you can face each other, knees between knees. Instinctively, you reach out for his feathers and indulge yourself with their softness. He pushes his wing into your hand as if to bribe you like a child.

He grows impatient, “Do you love him?”

You don’t waver, “No.”

A quick glint in his eye, a sort of relief, and then he finishes what he’s started and kisses you. It’s wrong how right it feels, lonely lips moving in tandem to find comfort in one another. Yoongi leans into it, absolutely devastated by your simple touch. The strength of the wine remains on your lips and he can’t help but lick into the flavor, drunkenly entranced by such luxuries. Yoongi’s hands can’t stay, snaking up your back, caressing your face, dragging his knuckles across your jaw and finally grabbing at the scarf. Carefully, he unwraps it from your neck, slow enough to feel it tickle your shoulder blades, before he folds it respectfully and places it elsewhere.

You sigh, more weight taken off your shoulders than there should be.

“Is this okay?” His voice raspy, speaking into the corner of your mouth. You’re stiff, nodding shyly and lacking the fire you brought up until this point.

He rewords, “Do you want me?” Yoongi feels the need to confirm, waiting for this moment for so long that it seems superficial. Like if he’s not careful, you’ll disappear into another one of his many short-lived dreams.

“Of course I want you, Yoongi. I want you more than anything…” But your eyes flicker to the ground, your lip tucked between your teeth.

“Then what’s wrong, lovely? You don’t have to.”

“No! I want to, I just… I’ve never done this before. I want you so bad but I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing—”

His laughs are light, his hand on the small of your back as he dips you onto the floor. Holding himself above, he plants a soft kiss on your cheek. “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll take care of you. I want you and we’ll go slow and if you decide you don’t want to anymore, we won’t.”

The way he makes you feel, how gentle he is, you couldn’t imagine a more perfect way for this to happen. It eases you slightly, letting your arms snake around him in an attempt to let your guard down. He’s patient and wonderful and you mumble about it. “Mhm, okay.”

The night robe he’s gifted you now poses a problem, his slender fingers looping through the bow that keeps it wrapped, “Can I?” You nod again, and he unties you like his own present. The feeling of being bare in front of him becomes apparent when he sucks in and the heat from the fire dances against your skin. Other than that, you look to the window to avoid his face.

“My love, look at me.”

His commands are easy to follow but you cover your breasts to hang onto your last bit of pride, granting eye contact at the least.

Face flushed, you can tell he, too, is trying his best. “You’re incredible. More prepossessing than I could have ever imagined. You shouldn’t be embarrassed in front of me.”

“Well,” you retaliate, “it’s hard not to be when I’m the only one naked.”

He grins at the challenge, sitting up to shed his layers, never noticing his garments having to wrap around in a way to accommodate to his wings. You just thought it was just a more ornamental way of dressing that the seraphs took to. He’s left down to tight underwear that hugs him incredibly, beautiful milky skin exposed and tinted with golden light. “Satisfied?” He lilts.

“You look like an angel,” you trace indents of faint abs. Wide shoulders that taper into a tiny waist, a slim build that you could study forever.

He kisses your words away, pushing you into plush comforters and pillows. A makeshift nest unintentionally built for the two of you. A groan rewards him when he licks your bottom lip teasingly, taking your wrists swiftly to pin them above you. “Pretty thing, I don’t have a halo.”

He starts from the top, kissing each inside of wrist before moving down your arm, slithering onto your shoulder, then into the crook of your neck with gentle suckles. Teeth grazes before puncturing, eliciting a yelp from you that satisfies him. He does this over and over, decorating the canvas of your neck.

“I want to burn you into my memory. I don’t ever want to forget this,” he moans with a wake left down until he meets cleavage. His muscles were relentless, impatient and eager, wanting to worship ever square inch of your body as you rightfully deserved. Your squeaks serve his purpose, his muse as he continues his ministrations down.

Out of nowhere, “I don’t want you to leave me, Y/N.” The profession makes you giddy, happy you’re not the only one who feels so. A hidden insecurity acknowledged and lifted.

“I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”

“Let’s talk about it after?”

“Mmm.”

He reaches your stomach and doesn’t hesitate to nibble there too, flinching when your hand flies to his head and buries itself in his hair. He ditches his current plan to grab your hand and plant a kiss to your palm in a second, making you giggle.

He admits, “I like when you touch me.”

“I want to. I feel so useless letting you do this alone.”

“You’ll get a chance if you’d like later. But right now, it’s all about you.” Husking it out. Of course, the idea sounds blissful, but the scene of having you cum by his actions sound better. “Need to cherish what’s in front of me properly.”

So he dips dangerously, laving at the skin above the hem of your panties and hooking his fingers under the sides, “Please,” he breathes.

“You… can do whatever you’d like to me. I want it all.”

He tugs his lip between his teeth, pulling it down. An unexpected wetness strings between your skin and the cloth and you both see it; him amazed, you horribly mortified. You stutter trying to explain yourself, oblivious that you could even feel as aroused as you do now. But his forehead falls onto the jut of your hipbone and you can hear subtle teasing in his tone. “I-I’m just as nervous and that was so incredibly sexy. I don’t think I can go on, shit.”

You laugh stupidly. “Quiet! Not another word! Just hurry up and—”

That terrible habit of looking away becomes your biggest fault, unprepared for Yoongi to filthily bury his tongue into your heat. He flattens his tongue and tantalizingly drags up until he can just barely flick your clit with the tip. Growling in the process.

“You are so sweet. The sweetest I could ever have. You will be the end of me.” Rushed in panted breaths as he does it again. And again. And again. So much that the growing sound of wet against wet echoes in the empty room and renders you paralyzed.

The feeling of it makes you squeamish, like you want to move, buck your hips, pull his hair. Despite the lewdness of having his rough tongue against you and lapping you clean, you could never ask him to stop.

“You just… keep getting… wetter…” He says between turns. “You really wanted me this much?”

“Yoongi—ah! Please, I can’t. It feels weird.”

“You don’t want me to continue, my love?” He asks lightly, blowing cold air onto damp skin and really forcing you to buck.

“No! I just… I have never felt like this. I want you to but I can’t sit still.”

“Oh? Let me help you then. But you have to let me finish.” So you shyly nod and loosen your legs. He uses the prompt to scoop them underneath his arms and attach the back of your knees atop his shoulders, your hips curving up and towards him in a new, tight position.

“Yoongi!”

“No matter how you feel, just let it happen.”

Sultry wails are music to his ears when he brutally sucks on your clit, licking your folds here and there and using all his strength to keep you in place. He spells out his love with his tongue, digs it into you sweetly. His power, though, anything but kind.

“Uncover your eyes,” he orders deeply.

You whimper, begging for mercy.

“Look. At. Me.”

Unveiling your view, his stare immediately burns into your veins. Looking at you under dangerously slanted lids and that sinful mouth. Holding you in place with strength that could leave prints into your soft legs. With one roll of your clit under his teeth, you feel in ways you never knew how, as if all the pressure that built up in your abdomen suddenly overflowed with a tight burst. Choked sobs and hand gripping his hair enough to make him moan into you, vibrating wonderfully as he works you through it. 

He lets you go, remnants of syrupy arousal trickling down his chin; watches your legs fall open widely and your chest heave for air. Your features bring him joy, loving the way your hair sticks to your face with sweat, eyes closed, and brows knit together in concentration. He loved seeing you painted in warm hues and although he was never an artist, he could replicate this scene exactly how it’s displayed in front of him.

“How do you feel, lovely?”

You respond with a weak smile. “You’re so cruel… Min Yoongi.” You felt flimsy; weightless. A feeling you could come to love too much if you aren’t careful.

“I just wanted to make you feel good,” slithering back up to rest his head in your neck, giving you more kisses like you haven’t had enough. You’re happy he’s back, massaging your hands over his torso, up his neck, down his spine. And then you hit it and he tenses.

Thick and raised, an area between his wings that softly juts out. It was fairly large and the texture varied from the rest of his beautiful planes of skin. It was a scar. Wide as a dagger.

“I wish it wasn’t there. I know it’s—”

“Yoongi, baby.” You nudge him to lift his head and he does unwillingly, face turned away. “My Yoongi, it’s nothing. What happened was horrible but it’s over. And I will do everything in my power to make it up to you by giving all of me.”

His lips stop you tenderly, a whisper of affection that pours out love, “You didn’t do anything. In fact, you’ve made me better. I wasn’t able to feel anything for a long time until you. So. Thank you.”

Any remaining embarrassment vanishes. Not when Yoongi’s done his part and you would do anything to take care of him.

Sweat molds your bodies together, heat emanating from a fire that’s ablaze now. There’s a private summer in this room while winter continues outside and it feels special to you. It’s hot here, hot when Yoongi scrapes his teeth against yours, hot where his pelvis lays. You take notice to the hard thing twitching against your thigh, making you flinch.

“Ah, I’m sorry. And we’re in A Mood and all.” Yoongi snickers.

“Don’t be,” you purr, feeling a bit lustful and reaching down to grab it through the cloth.

He hisses, “Fuck! Fuck, please, I’m so sensitive at the moment.”

Ignoring him, you unskillfully maneuver your fingers around him. Just touching to be familiarized with it. He surges forward accidentally, sighing in your ear as he shamelessly humps the space between your groin. You use his distracted state to pull his shorts down, the sudden reality of his skin touching yours bringing about sensual noises from the both of you. A sudden spurt of precum makes it easier for him to drag his heavy cock against your hip.

“I’m sorry. It just feels so good.”

“Stop apologizing. I’ll help you.” You stare down as you flick your wrist, encircling him with fingers shaped in an o and pumping him slow.

“Squeeze,” he pleads and you oblige.

“Is it… supposed to be this large?” It’s a stupid question to ask, especially when you’re not entirely clueless. You know his size exceeds average proportions.

“Don’t spoil me. Seraphs have always been larger than humans. Height wise, I was the smallest of my brothers though.” Which seemed unimaginable to you, not when he towers over you and could easily devour you in a hug. Cock hanging low and barely able to keep in your single hand. He must be acting coy.

“Now you’re just bragging!”

“I’m just being honest. I’m automatically pleasing to the likes of you,” he chuckles.

The dampness overflows, smears over your skin in incredible amounts and how you wish you could taste out of pure curiosity, but he has other plans for you.

“I don’t think I can hold myself any longer. Please.”

“That’s… fine. Um, should we? Like this?”

“It’s so hot, could you flip on your side?” You roll and he figures he’s made a mistake. Entranced by the way your weight, breasts and soft curves, naturally gravitate down in a seductive pose.

“Like this?” You ask, unaware that he could simply die right now.

He lifts your leg to rest on his shoulder again, easy to stretch. “Perfect, my love. I’m going to go slow. If it’s too much we can try again another time, okay? No rush.”

Challenged by his kindness, you shake your head, “I’m fine. I’m ready.”

Whatever’s left of the arousal between you both is more than enough to let him enter easily. Head of his member no problem to push past that initial tension.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

But it’s his shaft that makes you keen, entire length seeming endless as he fills you and overloads your maximum space. You cry, nerves making you writhe, “It’s not going to fit all the way—hah…wait.”

Yoongi struggles to hold himself back, perspiration dripping down his nose, “Are you okay? Does it hurt? It doesn’t need to, I’m pretty close to being all the way in anyway.”

“I’m fine,” you pant, head lolled to the side as he stretches you out in an odd, numbing way. “You can… you can move.”

His hips test it, pulling out so little to only be sucked back in with a leveled grunt. “Baby, you’re barely allowing me to.”

“It feels so tight,” you sigh, worried that if you move it’ll really begin to hurt.

“Ah, really? Let’s do this then.” He quick to please, wanting your pleasure before his own and getting you to flip, propped onto your elbows and filled from behind. Smooth chest meets your arched back, him hiding a kiss below your ear while he’s there. A moan aches in your throat as his dick unintentionally digs deeper inside, easier to move and to the hilt.

“Is this better, Y/N?”

“Hah… Yes. Yes, so much better. So good. Please move.”

His hips roll, just enough to grind into you which feels nothing but euphoric in itself. You mimic each other’s lusty whimpers with every movement. Caving into each other’s kisses and licks and pants that you feel synchronized.

Yoongi grows impatient with himself, exaggerating how he pulls out and slams himself back inside. The mere force that he fucks into you sends you forward, opting to lay on your chest and bite the blankets beneath you to keep from screaming. “You feel so good. So, so good. I’m sorry it hasn’t been long, but I feel like…”

His wings fall at his sides and cover you in shadow. It’s weird to see them like this, in a way you could imagine the perspective of having them yourself. But it covers you in unnecessary warmth and makes you grunt.

“It’s hot,” you admit with a quick breath, “Let me on top. I’ll finish.”

The way his member slides out; the way it leaves you tensing over nothing is a sad, needy feeling. You don’t slow at the chance to lay him down and take control, straddling him and watching his face contort in loving awe.

Sitting on him is an entirely different feeling and Yoongi keeps himself from cumming inside you right away, a choke in his throat. “Fuck, fuckfuckfcuk. Y/N, I won’t last like this for long please—”

“I’ll make it quick.” You lean over him, palms to the ground as you start moving, grinding and using him to your advantage. The nerves start again and you shake with pleasure.

“Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi!”

Slender fingers dig into your velvety hips as he forces himself into you with harsh, quick jabs. “Baby, I have to cum.” He smooths his knuckles over your cheek, pulling you down into a tongue heavy-kiss in an impossibly fiery caress.

The ramming he enforces take incoherent sobs from your lips. You feel a ghost of a smile, sure Yoongi is enjoying your shameless display of indulgence; coming undone before his very eyes.

You arch into him, clenching tighter and falling onto his chest. With impeccable timing he pulls out, strings of hot white flooding between your stomachs.

“A lot,” you complain.

“Mmm. Because I’ve been waiting so long to have you.”

Without the pressure of moving, you lay on him despite the humidity. Petting the underside of his wings as they drape so gracefully against the blankets and the rug.

“Yoongi?”

“Yes?”

“I need to go home tomorrow.”

His heart sinks, “Oh?”

“To see my family. To come home and let them know I’m okay.”

“Yes, of course.” He’s afraid that you won’t come back, though.

“And… to turn down Taehyung’s proposal in person.”

Yoongi looks down and can’t see your face but he’s imagined it’s worried. “Y-Yeah?”

“Yeah. And Yoongi?”

He waits. You speak again, “Do you really want to be with me? For me to stay?”

“More than anything.”

He feels the tug of your cheeks on his chest; a wide smile.

“Then I’ll need to get my stuff.” And that makes him want to cry. After traumatic betrayal and years of loathing his punishment of isolation, he’s finally being let out of his cage. Free to be with someone that cares for him as much as he cares for you.

Your last thoughts remain on the fire and how it’s the only other entity to to swallow your talks, plans and confessions. Of his feathers like his arms as they fold in comfortably next to you, feeling like they’re meant to be there. Like you really were fated to be skin-to-skin with this man in his manor. Entwined by trust and love and an unprecedented future that would be everything as long as he’s in it. An irony of a useless girl and flightless wings.

Yoongi watches you fall under, wiping his thumb over your lips, trailing it down your chin and covering your naked body with his wing. Slumber finds him soon after, mind stuck on his self-epiphany that he had to lose his wings to gain you, and how incredibly lucky he is to have it that way.

a/n: ahAhaA, i’m sorry. please feel free to let me know what you think.

❋ masterlist ❋

[karmaistheguyonthe1975]

Yeah? Yeah.

Heyyyyyyy this is my gift for @coniello​, who I got in the @sincerely-us​ gift exchange! Sorry I’m posting this so late in the day. The prompt was Evan and Jared going on a road trip, but they’re in a fight so they kinda have to bond again. It was fun to write! 

This weekend was going to be... less than ideal, to say the very least. It was supposed to be fun, according to both Evan and Jared’s mothers, and according to the two boys themselves up until a few months ago.

A trip to a waterpark, the same one where they had shared their sixth birthday party, that had been planned for a year. But now, due to f**k-ups on both their parts, they had barely spoken a word to each other in over two months. A small fight over what movie to watch had turned into a shouting match that brought up every disagreement they had had for the past five years.

Of course, they could hardly tell that to their mothers. So there they were, stuck next to each other in a car for two and a half hours and facing two nights in a hotel room together. On top of that, they couldn’t ignore each other. They had to act as if they were still best friends. G r e a t.

The air between them was thick, and you could practically cut the tension with a knife. Both boys were desperate for some opportunity to relieve it, but unsure of how to.

‘I’m sorry,’ Evan typed into his notes, drafting a message that was likely never going to be sent. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything that I did, and I shouldn’t have accused you of lying about your camp friends. I’m sorry I’ve been forcing my presence on you throughout high school, I know you really don’t want to hang out with me, which is understandable. So yeah... I’m sorry.’

He copy-pasted it into his messages with Jared, staring at the send button and running through every situation he could think of if he sent it and if he didn’t.

Then something popped up on the screen: a meme. From Jared.

Evan deleted his message, instead sending a simple ‘Was that supposed to go to me?’

‘yes?’ Jared replied. ‘who else would it have gone to’

‘Oh... Aren’t you mad still?’

‘arent u?’

Evan glanced over at him, a confused look on his face. ‘No? I’m the one who messed up.’ He heard Jared snort a little.

‘havent changed at all i see. u arent the only one who messed up’

‘Jared, I accused you of lying about your camp friends purely because I was jealous of them.’

‘just shut up we both did a Big No accept it’

Evan laughed out loud. ‘I’m just... still sorry.’

‘well stop. like now’

Evan looked over and smiled at him. ‘Fine.’

Jared smirked back, but there was no trace of malice in it. ‘loser,’ he replied.

The rest of the three-hour drive was filled with memes, small-talk, and laughing, and, although it was slightly awkward, neither boy had been happier in a while.

“Okay, boys,” Heidi sighed once they were at the doors of the hotel rooms, trying to support the weight of her packed bags. “Make sure you don’t go to bed too late and meet us in the lobby for breakfast at...” She looked around, waiting for someone else to suggest a time.

“Nine?” Mrs. Kleinman offered.

“Yes, nine,” Heidi confirmed. “That sound good?”

“Yeah,” Evan replied. “Thanks, Mom.” Jared just finger-gunned.

“See you in the morning,” Ms. Kleinman said, opening the door of the room that she and Heidi were sharing.

“See ya!” Jared called, swinging into his own room and pulling Evan in by the elbow.

Evan leaned against the door uncomfortably, biting his lip and looking anywhere other than Jared’s eyes. The car was much easier than this. He could easily avoid eye-contact in the car, only having to look ahead, or out the window. “So...” he tried. “How are you?” Mentally, he scolded himself. God, that was such a stupid question. “I mean like how have you been? Because obviously we’ve been talking for a while and I know... s**t sorry, I’m bad at this.”

Jared laughed and threw himself into the crappy hotel room couch. “Evan, chill out,” he said. “Like seriously.”

“Right,” Evan mumbled. “Sorry- I mean, um...”

“I get it,” Jared interrupted, holding out his hand. “Do you like... want to put your s**t down and sit? You’re allowed to do that.”

Evan looked down and realized he was indeed still holding his bags, suddenly becoming aware of the ache in his arms. “Oh, right.” He placed his bags in a neat pile by the beds, a contrast to the haphazardly stacked ones that Jared had merely tossed onto the bed he’d claimed as his own. He still didn’t sit, though, even when Jared gestured questioningly at the couch.

“Made a college decision yet?” Jared asked. “You didn’t know, last we talked.”

Evan nodded. “I’m gonna take a year to save up, then I’m probably going to do some kind of biology, maybe. Staying close to home, though. You were gonna go... somewhere in Montana, right?”

“Montana State,” Jared agreed. “Computer science. I got a s**t-ton of scholarships, too.” Although you wouldn’t guess it upon first, second, or third impressions of him, Jared was freakishly smart, maintaining a 4.0 in high school despite sleeping through class 50% of the time and regularly skipping.

Evan smiled. “That’s- I’m really happy for you, that’s really great.”

“It’s school,” Jared grumbled. “I don’t know why I’m paying to go. I should be paid to go.”

As Jared complained, his face shifted into a childish frown. The expression reminded Evan of when they were in middle school, including some, ahem, certain feelings that tended to pop up when a hormonal and bisexual 8th grader had a smart, funny... kind of cute-

Oh, S**T! Evan thought. Those feelings we’re supposed to have been kicked to curb years ago. But apparently not.

“Ev,” Jared called, snapping his fingers. “Earth to acorn.”

Evan looked at him (well, more like started paying attention to him. He had been staring after all). “Yeah? Sorry, I, um... I zoned out. Sorry.”

“You were staring at me,” Jared informed bluntly. “I mean, who could blame you, I am gorgeous, but-”

“No I wasn’t!” Evan lied.

“You were.”

“No!”

“Fine then, keep your crush repressed,” Jared teased, both projecting onto Evan and being characteristically oblivious.

Evan turned pink. “I...”

Jared cracked up. “You’re such a dork!” he wheezed.

“I am not!” Evan protested. “You’re the dork.”

In response, Jared held up a finger as he dug through his pockets, finally pulling out a crumpled yellow card. “Uno reverse card,” he smirked.

“You-” Evan said. “You just keep that in your pocket?!”

“Yep,” Jared replied, popping the p.

Finally, Evan sat on the couch, although he remained tense. “I like hanging out with you,” he mumbled, having a momentary burst of courage that left him with immense amounts of regret. “Oh my God, that was so weird, I’m sorry! I just meant like, you know-”

“Evan,” Jared said, trying to stop the word vomit.

“Because we fought and we have talked in months I just missed you, you know? And I-”

“Evan!” Jared repeated, louder, which successfully silenced him. “I know what you mean. You don’t have to explain yourself. I missed you too. I shouldn’t have been such an a*shole during high school.”

Evan smiled weakly. “It’s okay.”

Jared smiled back. “Star Wars?” he asked.

“Oh God,” Evan laughed. “We haven’t watched those since we hung out every weekend in 8th grade.”

“You haven’t,” Jared corrected. “I’m not a heathen, I still watch them regularly.”

“Whatever. Let’s do it.”

One movie later, they had assumed a position in which Jared’s head was resting on Evan’s shoulder and their hands were touching in an effort to make the computer stay steady. Jared stretched a little and looked up at Evan, who had a slight glow surrounding his head from the lights shining through his blond hair. Would it be gay to kiss him? Jared asked himself. YES IT WOULD BE GAY, IDIOT!

Holy s**t, he was actually considering this. He had never been known for being open with his feelings, opting instead for sudden outbursts and passive-aggressive remarks. But lately, he had been doing better. He wasn’t as mean, at least, and slightly less scared of feelings. “Evan...?” he said finally, an audible shake in his voice.

“Yeah?” Evan asked, staring at the space between Jared’s eyes, which was the closest he could comfortably get to eye-contact.

Jared’s hands began to shake slightly, never a good sign. “Can I... s**t...”

Evan moved so he was entirely sat up, taking hold of Jared’s forearm to calm him down. “Jared,” he murmured. “Breathe.” Panic attacks, and the preceding moments, were something that Evan had more experience with than he would care to admit. But in situations like this is was undeniably helpful to know how to deal.

Jared frantically searched Evan’s face for a sign of... something. His eyes moved like those of a caged animal, darting back and forth, even though his body was frozen. Finally, possessed by some other force, he pressed his lips up against Evan’s, staying stiffly there for a moment before realizing what he had done and pulling away.

Evan stared blankly at him for a moment, entirely dumbfounded, before leaning down to repeat it. Jared kissed back momentarily, but pulled away and looked down after a minute.

“Sorry,” Evan muttered. “I shouldn’t have... I didn’t mean to... crap, I messed this all up, didn’t I?”

Jared distanced himself from Evan, giving him a few inches of space. After a few moments of silence, he spoke quietly. “Was that okay?”

“Was it okay with you?” Evan responded, his usual stutter gone and replaced by a shaky, quiet tone.

“If it was with you... yeah.”

“It was,” Evan replied hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jared looked over at him, biting his lip to refrain from a hopeful smile. He placed his hand half of the distance between them, letting Evan decide whether or not to take it.

Evan moved his hand to cover Jared’s. “Yeah?” he asked, repeating Jared’s question.

“Yeah,” Jared echoed.

And there they sat, comfortably silent, the same thought running through both their heads.

Maybe this trip won’t be so bad.

[cabinofimagines]

“Secret Agreement” (Jason Grace x Reader)

A/N: Is ya girl!!!!! I’m done with school work FINALLY which means I get to do my requests :’)) prepare for lots of Jason appreciation cause I’m about to love the hell out of this dude, also I think this one is sort of gender neutral? I don’t think I put a gender to it so, enjoy! -Danny

Request: oh jeez i’m a sucker for best friends to lovers kinda relationships and ?? I was hoping one of y’all could write some Jason and reader fluff set after the war is over ?? (bonus points if the two have been friends since they were like ten lmao)

Words: 1,943

Warnings: Swearing and not proofread cause I suck anyway lmao

He is looking at you again. 

That is not exactly a problem, the thing is that Jason makes you nervous, especially when he stares, and you don’t think it’s a good idea to be practicing archery while he has his eyes fixed on you. Your hands are shaking and a little bit sweaty, but you gotta focus, kid! How can you survive an attack if something as simple as a boy makes you this anxious?

Camp Half-Blood was a very interesting place to be at, living your whole life back at New Rome where everyone was kind of strict about the training, you were pleased to see you were better than some greek kids, however, you still had some issues with archery and you thought you could ask Jason to help you out.

He currently is staying at C.H.B, he decided to start his duty right after the war: build a cabin and altar to every god to ever exist in Greek and Roman culture, which of course, was a freaking lot. And you missed him a lot. Jason is your best friend since u were children. You knew you could rely on him if you ever were in need of assistance even if it was something silly like practicing archery.

“Y/N, eyes on the front” Kayla called out.

“Right! Sorry,” you shook your head before squinting your eyes towards the target and taking a deep, calm breath.

You shot the arrow... and barely made it through. It stayed dancing on the edge of the wooden circle, you dropped your arms in defeat.

“Okay,” Kayla sighed, “you know what? We’ve been practicing for two hours and you were doing pretty good, I don’t know what happened at the end but I think it’s alright if we stop now”

“Yeah...” You nodded avoiding Jason’s face, knowing he’d be staring with that annoying little smirk of his, “time for a break”

You walked towards the bench to leave all the equipment and grabbed your water bottle to chug down half of it. Jason stood up and jumped between the seats to get to you. 

“So,” Jason crossed his arms, eyeing you up and down, “you’re getting better”

You snorted, “Didn’t you see the last shot? I missed it”

“The rest was fine though! I’m proud of you”

“Thanks, I guess” You turned your face away to hide the blush creeping up your cheeks.

“My pleasure” He hugged you close with one arm and walked alongside you, “Can we go eat now? I’m starving”

“Sure” you smiled softly, finishing what was left of your water.

While both of you walked through the camp people (mostly your friends) stared at you with knowing smirks and wiggling their eyebrows, you tried to ignore them, you had no time to indulge their games.

Ever since you and Jason grew old enough to be called teenagers, there has been this huge anticipation about when are you going to admit you like each other, which is stupid, being best friends doesn’t mean you have feelings for each other!

Except that you do. Oh, you do.

What is there about Jason to hate? He’s kind, funny, smart, handsome and he’s your best friend after all. You could keep the list going but that wouldn’t help your case, to everyone is so obvious. To you? well, at least it is obvious on your side, you have no idea what does Jason think about it.

Every time someone makes a joke about you two acting like a couple he laughs it off and hugs you saying something like “Yeah, sure” and you’re both, grateful and in pain that he doesn’t say anything more specific cause living in doubt is pure agony.

His hand goes up and starts playing with a strand of hair that moments before was laying on your shoulder, he is smiling and looking forward to the road ahead. His eyes look so bright, you always thought it was odd since they were blue, and blue usually is a cold color, but his eyes are far from frozen, you find a  home in them when everything around you feels borrowed.

“Y/N?”

Oh shit, he was talking to you, right. You forgot.

“Sorry, what?”

He laughs a short, sweet laugh and your chest feels so, so light.

“I was asking if you remember that one time when you got sick and I kept sneaking up from training so I could give you sweets and the Praetor of that time caught me, so they made me clean the...”

“Oh yeah, I do!” This time it was your time to laugh, remembering that one time the great Jason Grace misbehave, “Gods, I felt even worse after that, you got in troubles because of me”

“It’s alright, that’s in the past anyway” He shrugs, his arm is still around you and maybe, maybe you don’t want him to move away. Ever.

“Whenever you got sick after that I made sure you had the best of the best, so I think it was a fair trade” You added.

“I got lucky to have you then, a fair friend is always the best friend. Words cannot describe how much I love you for that” Jason finally lowered his arm, reaching the entrance of the mess hall.

You stayed in stunned silence for a second, watching as Jason glanced over his shoulder with a questioning look, the small smile still fixed on his face.

“You coming?”

“Uh...” Did he mean he loved you as in love-loved you? Or was it a simple friendly “I love you” like the one you say from time to time to some of your friends? What was he trying to do?! “Yes?”

You were about to reach the tables when your voice rose up, “Jason?”

He stopped, looking over her with open concern, “Y/N?”

And you couldn’t, there were far too many people and way too many years of friendship between you. Suddenly the words were no longer available for your use, and your mind was blank; Was it worth it? Openly ask what did he think about you two as a couple and get your heart broken? No. You were okay as her best friend, it was comfortable, safe.

“D-do, enjoy your meal!” You half smiled, turning hot on your heels without waiting for a reply.

Later that week you kept the routine as monotone as possible, spent time with new friends and old, eating tons and training till your arms were sore, and even although you tried not to think about it, Jason was always at the back of your mind, Jason, Jason, Jason. Jason Grace and his stupid looks and cute smile with a beautiful personality.

He was your best friend, after all, so you couldn’t avoid him forever, not without him asking what was up, and you’d rather not have that conversation.

So now you were playing basketball, throwing the ball like it was made of your toxic thoughts and were trying to desperately get them out of your body, and Jason was just having a good time, of course, he always does, or tries, at least. What a good dude.

“So I told Leo to try with the other drill, and he flips me off and says ‘I know what I’m doing, doofus’ and turns around to keep working and as soon as he touches that thing, it falls apart like Jenga” Jason lets out a breathless laugh.

“Just his luck,” You laughed, taking the ball from his hands and running towards the hoop.

“Yeah,” The boy ran beside you, trying to take the ball from your hands, “and I was about to ask him, like, need any help? But he looked like he was about to burn my pants so...”

“Not the best idea” You finished, stopping short and throwing like your life depended on it... and the ball got stuck, ”shit...”

“Wait, I’ll get it” Jason jumped making use of his flying abilities to reach and shake the hoop, the ball fell and you caught it on the air, keeping it tightly against your chest.

“Got it!” Your friend came down in front of you, startled, you jump and threw the ball at his face, which he managed to avoid, barely, “shit, I’m sorry!”

“It’s ok, you missed my face” He laughed.

“You scared me!” You exclaimed, still nervous.

“I can tell!” Jason reply with an amused voice.

“You love me?” You asked in a very high pitched, panicky cry.

“What?”

“What?” You repeated.

Oh fuck, oh no. You said it. WHY?

“Why are you asking me that?” Jason tilted his head in that adorable manner he always does.

“The other day, you -uhm, I don’t know, you said something like it”

“Oh yeah! I remember” His face lit up, finally knowing what were you talking about, “yeah I said that”

He nodded with a childish smile, you stayed there with wide eyes, waiting for an explanation that never made its way to you.

“And?!” You urged him.

“And what?”

“What does that even mean?!” You huffed, on the verge of losing it, “is it... is it like, platonic?”

“Platonic?” Jason snorted, “Yeah, of course, Y/N. I’m in love with you platonically”

“YOU’RE WHAT?” That’s it, you’re hallucinating; probably fainted in the middle of playing and now you’re dreaming.

“I’m- wait, did you really not know?” For the first time, he looked as surprised as you, “Y/N!”

“What?” You asked again, completely confused.

“Oh gods, I’m stupid” Jason groaned, passing a hand through his hair and messing it up more than it already was, “you don’t like me that way, I understand, I-”

“No, I do” You interrupted, “believe me I do, but you never said anything! At all! and what about when everyone makes those dumb jokes about us dating, you never said a thing?”

“Because I thought you knew it!” He said, “and what about you, why didn’t you say anything? You laughed it off and acted like it was nothing, I thought it was like a silent agreement about not saying anything until we were ready?”

“How could I know that?” You huffed in disbelief, “Or you for that matter, is my face just that expressive to you?”

“No, but we’ve been friends for years, I thought this whole... whatever it is, it was meant to be, and that both of us were okay with that” The blush on his cheeks increased with every word, “well this is awkward”

“Yeah, a bit” you avoid his gaze, knowing how red you were too, though you kept the talk going, feeling a different vibe between you, a bit more nervous than usual but much more intimate than before. 

It all happened in a split second, you and Jason shared one look and were both goners.

The moment you moved forward Jason did too, it only took a glance to know Jason was right, you could tell that he was thinking the same, you knew exactly what he was thinking, you always knew. 

“Can I...?” He hesitated, staring at you with soft eyes.

As a reply, you kissed him. Gods, was it a great kiss. The type where hands go their way up to heads and waists and cling into what they can find, your breath gets stuck somewhere in your chest and you lose track of time, all you can feel is Jason and the kiss, how good it feels against your body.

“You’re right” you mumbled against his lips, “it’s right. This feels right.”

“It’s meant to be” He chuckles before kissing you once more.

-Danny :) (Hope you liked it)

[daddycardan]

What's your most recommended book? Other than the cruel prince or sjm books... You know what, how about a list? In order from best to worst. 1- best, 10- worst

all righty, I’m not gonna lie here, I have actually… never read any SJM books. Haha, never. I don’t plan on doing it eventhough they sound really fun, but right now I’m trying to gravitate towards a little more… I dunno, quality literature, if you will? This sounds so hypocritical and snob ehhh especially from my Cruel Prince fanblog but asdhjkjss don’t judGE

ok for the list I went on goodreads and looked at my read book list and picked out the best ones, but I honestly can’t really rank them, they are all great so the numbers don’t really matter, but they are quite different in genre, most of them are not even YA, so bear that in mind

1. Game of Thrones series by George R. R. Martin - hahaha GoT is amazing its kinda brutal and its a heavy read, but it’s really worth it. I love the way GRRM builds plot and characters, it’s just so unique and very different from everything I’ve read before. The characters are just so real, and they all have their own background stories and motivations, and you literally have no fucking idea what’s going to happen, it’s so unpredictable I can’t handle it. Warning, it’s likely that your fave character is gonna die, prepare yourself. I haven’t seen the tv show but honestly the book is really really great. It’s one of the best series I have ever read. BUT if you can’t stand visual violence, rape, insides getting, um outside, well I wouldn’t recommend it then. Because there’s a whooole lot of that.

2. HaRRy Pottah by J. K. Rowling - do I even have to explain. HP isn’t just a book, it’s a fucking life changing magical journey that every child should go through, so if you haven’t yet, shut up and go read it. For real. Go, turn off your computer and start reading.

3. Nutshell by Ian McEwan - now this is a really interesting short novel. The thing that makes it fascinating is that it’s narrated by a baby. Who’s still in the womb. And it’s actually a Hamlet retelling, where the pregnant mother is having an affair with the father’s brother, and you know, the baby knows about it. And when mommy and the brother lover conspire to kill the father the baby can do basically nothing about it so it’s about the child’s inner dialogue and some deep philosophical thoughts while his mother and uncle commit the murder and how the baby tries to sabotage them. It’s not YA for sure, so if you want steamy romances or a sexy protagonist, this is not your book, but I really loved it and it’s just such an intellectual book with some nice Shakespeare and modern political references and honestly just reading the dumbass shit that Claude (the uncle, parallel to Claudius) says was so goddamn funny. There is some sex and swearing in it. And like, after reading it I felt like such a highly educated person, eventhough I’ve never read original Hamlet haha.

4. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - dystopian post-apocalyptic novel, with some teenagers slaughtering each other, a cool protagonist with badass hunting skills, love triangle, rebellion, etc. Probably most of you have heard of it (if not already read it), it’s quite good, especially the first one, I personally wasn’t a big fan of 2nd&3rd, but it’s prob because I don’t like rebellions/civil wars for some reason? it’s good though!!

5. Angelfall trilogy by Susan Ee - ohohohh anGELS!! I used to be fucking obsessed with angels and demons (#FuckMeLucifer) and I’ve read every angel-themed YA book I could find, and this one was probably the most well-written. It’s set in a post-apocalyptic America (haven’t heard of that before) where angels are terrorizing humans and basically treat them like shit and this girl Penryn, her lil sister gets kidnapped by the angels, but in the fight this one handsome angel gets injured, they cut off his wings and she kidnaps him to her place and I think forces him to help her get her sister back (?) Turns out its Rafael the powerful archangel and of course he is hot as hell, so yeah its been a while since I’ve read it but I remember liking it, so if you’re into angels and some post-apocalyptic chaotic setting on top, you’ll probably like it

6. Mistress of Rome by Kate Quinn - so this one’s mainly about a Jewish slave in the Ancient Roman Empire and a lot of stuff happens to her and she ends up being the mistress of the crazy emperor Domitianus who tortures her and it’s basically following the life of all these different people with different social statuses in Rome, (slaves, gladiators, senators, wealthy wives, emperors, etc.) and it’s really interesting how the relationships are forming between them and the best part is that its historically aCCuRate! ! ! So if you’re into Ancient Romans, this is a good one. Trigger warning for sex, rape, emotional and physical violence. ;)

7. And then there were none by Agatha Christie - this is some nerve wrecking emotional shit, about a group of complete strangers invited into this island manor where they are slowly getting murdered one by one by this psychopath whose identity is… unknown. The murderer is one of them, and is playing this scary, childish, psychological game with the others, but i literally had no fucking idea who the (s)he is until the last few pages, and i couldn’t sleep for a few nights after reading it.

8. Jane and the Man of the Cloth by Stephanie Barron - so this is about Jane Austen, eventhough it’s not written by her, but it’s based on her actual diary and true historical events, so it’s pretty much an accurate description of that period of her life. I guess I would call it a historical murder-mystery because she solves a case that happened in the town she spent her holiday in, but the focus is not really on the ‘thrilling mystery’ part, but rather on the historical background (British-French conflict), social links between people, and yeah just gives you a nice little glimpse into her world. The book is part of a series but this one’s probably my fave bc Jane has this thing going on between her and this handsome mysterious man and a fucking loooved it!!

9. Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Manor by Stephanie Barron - this is part of the same series, i think it’s the first one, but you can read them in any order, and it deals with a similar murder case as the other one and hahaha it has another mysterious, kinda rude gentleman who has a little thing with Jane and in the end it doesn’t work out (Jane never married btw) but i’m a slut for those little moments and historical books are amazing so if u like history, or Jane, or that 1700-1800 era then go ReAd iT!

10. ummm i can’t think of anything else that i really enjoyed right now, so that’s it for the list. if any of you have any recommendations (especially if it’s something historical) pls let me know!!

[dragimal]

thoughts on Voltron s7

this is prolly old hat by now, but I still wanna throw my two cents to the wind. this is gonna get very rambly, and I’m gonna derail A LOT to air out other grievances I have w/ the show/fandom. a rant like this has been a long time coming-- the reception to s7 only pushed me to write this now. so beware, I guess. also I’m not rly tryin to Start Shit, so I’m slottin’ this under the cut

I think I should start at the beginning: I didn’t like Voltron for the first 3 seasons.

it was perfectly passable, but not.... exactly the kinda thrilling saga Tumblr made it out to be. all the hype put me under the impression that VLD was a deeply emotional/character-driven story much like ATLA-- I was sorely disappointed to find this wasn’t the case. instead, I found a typical space-mecha plot populated by pretty tropey characters-- certainly not bad, but not all that emotionally gripping either 

I actually grew p bitter over Voltron’s particular brand of popularity-- mainly the comparisons to ATLA, as if VLD was anywhere as deep and clever. I wasn’t mad that it was popular so much as it seemed popular for the wrong reasons

now I’m not saying that enjoying VLD is “childish” or whatever, I’m just saying that comparing VLD to ATLA is p damn insulting, imo. ATLA has a level of depth in plot, worldbuilding, themes, character arcs/interactions, etc. that’s incredibly impressive-- esp for a kid’s show. u just don’t get that depth from VLD-- and honestly, that’s just fine! I know I’m singing ATLA’s praises to the heavens here, but I’m also kinda sick of Tumblr trying to compare every damn thing to ATLA, as if every piece of media HAS to be another ATLA to be worthy of praise (like the whole “Zuko redemption arc” thing has been taken wayyyyy too far when critiquing villains...)

ATLA and VLD aren’t trying to accomplish the same things, so it’s kinda shitty to place those kinda expectations on the creators of VLD when they’re trying to do their own thing? like, I don’t expect Osomatsu-san-- a very stupid show I deeply adore-- to be the next FMA just b/c both shows have a focus on brotherly bonds; they’re clearly two separate things that I can enjoy for different reasons

anyways, to cut that ramble short, VLD just wasn’t my thing when I first started it. I’m not big on mechas, and I typically prefer pointed storylines over ‘adventure-of-the-week’ setups. not that VLD doesn’t have some underlying plot for the first couple seasons, but it takes a while to get past random villain fights and/or adventures every ep and condense it into a continuous plot thread. some ppl like that kinda thing, I just don’t. the reason I continued to watch it-- despite my misgivings-- is b/c I like watching things with friends. my bf has always liked VLD and wanted me to see it, so I enjoyed watching it with our audience of two

I’m glad this setup forced me to continue watching, or else I would have never reached the turning point-- episode 33 (s3): “The Legend Begins”

this was the point at which my feelings switched from “eh” to “oh... OH. OH SHIT.” I’d finally started to get INVESTED. I finally began to develop real attachments to the characters! I was finally eager to learn what happened next; finally perched at the edge of my seat in anticipation! VLD had finally found its footing and solidified its unique voice, and I couldn’t have been more proud!

yet, what did I hear from the fandom as this narrative transition began?

“the show has gone downhill, and it’s only getting worse!″, "[x] characters aren’t developing anymore” and/or “the showrunners HATE [x] character!”, etc. etc.

though I suppose it’s a bit simplistic to say the fandom as a whole thought this way; in reality, just a vocal subset of the fandom thought-- and continues to think-- this way

yes, patient reader, this is one of those conversations. because we really can’t have a proper fandom discussion anymore w/o getting into those topics, can we? god, if only

so I’ll stop beating around the bush: antis fucking hate the new seasons, mainly because:

1) a lot of antis love Lance for some reason? antis don’t like the fact that Lance isn’t, like, the entire damn focus of the show (calls for “black paladin Lance” galore....), so they don’t like the fact that other main characters play significant roles in the show. this has devolved into unfounded critique of Lance’s character development in the last few seasons, when in reality Lance has gotten SIGNIFICANT development from s4 onward (just like most every other character..). he’s gotten more confidant in his abilities and is less defensive of his character, he’s more cooperative w/ his teammates, and he’s learned to (usually) recognize when a situation requires a serious approach rather than nonchalance. like, as someone who doesn’t much like Lance, I think it says something that my feelings have advanced from, “jesus I can’t stand this guy, can he shut up for one goddamn second,” to, “nice, Lance is mostly bearable and sometimes charming, now.” this point bleeds into the next point--

2) a lot of antis LOVE klance-- or the ship Keith/Lance, for any random readers that don’t know the Voltron fandom. klantis-- as these particular antis have been dubbed-- hate ANY semblance of connection either of these characters have w/ other characters, b/c it threatens klance. Keith and Lance both canonically have strong connections to other specific characters (Keith to Shiro, and Lance to Allura), so these ships are the most threatening to klance

now, all stans/shippers have fans that are a bit too defensive, sure. I’m not saying that sheiths (Shiro/Keith shippers) or any other stans/shippers in VLD aren’t ever at fault. but antis always ALWAYS bring an insidious dimension to fandom wank in the form of-- for lack of a better term-- “social justice posturing”

I’m not claiming that discussions abt representation and sj issues in fandom aren’t important, but antis always take these sensitive issues and simply use them as ammo in what are typically giant ship wars. there’s no nuance, no room for different interpretations-- only black/white divisions of what is “valid”/”canon”/”acceptable”, which are then strategically warped in favor of what the antis of that particular fandom favor (which, in the case of VLD, is Lance/klance)

of course, not ALL VLD antis are specifically out to discredit just one ship, as evidenced by the proliferation anti-shaladins (those against shippers of Shiro w/ ANY of the paladins). BUT this is exactly where anti tactics are utilized in full-force, and where this petty ship war further devolves:

antis fucking HATE Shiro.

Shiro poses the biggest threat to klance (at least in terms of fandom, b/c Allura canonically poses a much bigger threat tbh), thus antis have steadily built a “case” against Shiro not only as a bad partner to Keith, but as a bad character in general. the more “reasonable” antis claim things like, “Shiro’s too mentally ‘broken’ to be with anyone!” “Shiro’s too old to be with anyone, he’s practically a grandpa!” and, “Shiro’s too much of a parental/guardian figure to consider any paladins as potential partners,” while more extreme antis have claimed that Shiro literally IS a pedophile, or straight-up dangerous due to his mental hang-ups

there is clearly a lot wrong here both canon-wise (Shiro has shown 0% confirmable attraction to any character in canon; everyone’s actual ages are vague at best, thus there are no exact age gaps to measure, etc.) and in terms of plain ethics (callin a guy w/ ptsd “too broken” fuckin WHAT). but this is what antis have devolved to-- dismissing Shiro’s mutual connections to his fellow paladins at best, then accusing him of straight-up horrific shit at worst. all in the name of protecting a ship. boy howdy.

(*SIDENOTE* I hypothesize that Allura doesn’t get nearly the same level of hate b/c mlm ships are favored in fandom, thus there are more sheith shippers than allurance (Allura/Lance) shippers to oppose klance. she may also be protected by Tumblr’s over-the-top glamorizing of any and every female character, but that’s a rlyyyy weird discussion that’s hard to quickly/accurately dissect, so I’ll just leave that particular hypothesis to the side..)

anyways, patient reader, let us return this tangent back to the original point: the general criticisms directed at s4 and onward. how do antis relate to this?

well, it’s real fuckin convenient that ppl suddenly started recognizing VLD’s writing/plot/etc. flaws when the show wasn’t catering quite AS much to Lance, or Lance/Keith interactions. real fuckin convenient ppl suddenly started criticizing Shiro as a character when said character’s relationship w/ Keith began to gain more focus and development. real fuckin convenient that ppl are finally recognizing that VLD isn’t as great as ATLA, when the last few seasons have gotten PRETTY DAMN CLOSE to ATLA’s level of emotional depth

so I’m bitter abt Voltron again. but rather than being bitter abt VLD being popular for the wrong reasons, I’m bitter that VLD’s flaws are finally being recognized for the wrong fucking reasons

and this is where it gets real fucking dangerous, b/c antis are dangerously persuasive to the general fandom public

since antis use sj language as ammunition for petty-ass shit, they can easily gain the attention of... god, I hate that I have to unironically use this term, but Tumblr “normies”. I literally have no better, simple term to describe somebody on Tumblr who hasn’t watched VLD (or simply hasn’t engaged in the fandom in a significant way), so please just roll w/ me here, for my own sanity. so Tumblr normies-- as those on Tumblr are prone to-- are vigilant in keeping up w/ sj issues across the board. this is good! it’s good to be aware of and critical of the content we consume..... until it’s. not.

I’m not the first to say that Tumblr has a very warped, very dangerous approach to sj activism. much like full-on antis, there is so much black/white thinking, lack of nuance, swift and unforgiving retribution for even slightly differing opinions, etc etc. it’s why so many ppl on Tumblr even ARE antis, b/c it’s rly just the fandom-offshoot of this mentality

but even beyond the most extreme “activists” of tumblr, anti’s sj language is dangerously appealing to even the chill normies-- nobody WANTS to support dangerous relationships or bad representation, after all! so they latch onto that rhetoric too, b/c when normies see antis' (usually unfounded) criticisms thrown around, they don’t know the show/fandom well enough to be able to verify those criticisms. and like, I get the appeal of it-- I’ve def made similar mistakes w/ unfamiliar fandoms as well, b/c I want to support a cause that seems just. it’s p natural to want to align w/ what we perceive as a just cause, esp when convinced by a persuasive speaker

thus, antis have gained a significant following of normies due to the simple fact that Tumblr normies DO care abt sj issues, but they DON’T care enough to research the show themselves to see what’s what

so, let me quickly recap the stage I’ve set for you here:

1) the fandom in general has given Voltron more credit than is due, and has subsequently placed ridiculous expectations on it. this has given Tumblr normies a false impression of VLD and its standards

2) antis are SUPREMELY protective of klance (and Lance in general), and have thrown around WILD accusations at any ships that threaten it, leading to--

3) antis throwing Shiro under the bus time and fucking time again.

4) by abusing sj language/tactics, antis appeal to Tumblr normies’ sense of duty, thus gain their approval in ganging up on whatever antis deem unjust in VLD-- whether it’s actually valid or not

so fuckin forgive me for being a bit skeptical when I heard rumors of “bury your gays” in Voltron from antis/normies, when these same ppl are actively throwing around accusations of pedophilia in the name of goddamn shipping

but I’ll fully admit, I passed judgement on this criticism a bit too quick, considering I hadn’t even seen the new season yet. it’s never good to blindly accept opinions purely on the basis that they bolster ur own assumptions, and I’m not immune to that charming trap (tho thankfully I’m not typically a vocal member fandom, so I was mostly just nodding along w/ my fellow shieths asdfg)

so finally, dear reader, we reach the actual point of this post: after seeing s7 for myself, what even ARE my opinions on it?

well. the handling of Adam and his relationship to Shiro............... wasn’t great. it was pretty fuckin terrible, actually. despite all I’ve said against antis, I agree w/ their general view that Adam’s relationship w/ Shiro (and his subsequent death) was shoddy, underdeveloped, and disrespectful to some degree. I’m personally not sure it’s worth the title of “bury your gays” for several different reasons, but I wouldn’t fault someone for calling it that, b/c there are definitely several other reasons that reinforce that trope. it’s worth discussing, and definitely worth voicing criticisms towards, esp in terms of Dreamworks’ “lgbt rep” advertising before s7′s release (which was absolutely scummy, there’s just no other word for it)

so if I agree w/ antis’ basal complaints in this instance, then why the hell am I even talking abt this? why am I putting so much effort into dissecting the fandom, only to essentially reach the same conclusion as those I fundamentally disagree with?

well, I suppose it’s all abt the framing.

I’m not gonna link the post b/c, again, I Don’t Wanna Start Shit, but most of y’all have prolly seen that one post that breaks down the history of the “bury your gays” trope, and how it was possibly utilized in VLD. it’s a p good argument in that respect-- I think it hits the main points of how/why Adam and his relationship w/ Shiro was just plain Bad

and to the untrained “normie” eye, that’s all it is. however, there is a cryptic framing present that reinforces anti talking points, which only someone involved in the fandom would recognize. 

(*SIDENOTE* I don’t mean to pick on SPECIFICALLY this post, I just think it’s a nice rundown of a few of the main rhetorical tactics used by antis. it’s certainly not a unique post in the fandom, but merely a good example of this brand of posts)

for one, this post forces an emotional distance between Shiro and the paladins. this post INSISTS that Shiro can ONLY be interpreted as a guardian character that can’t relate to the other paladins in any significant way due to age gaps and traumatic experience. THUS, according to antis, Adam was the only person that Shiro could have intimately discussed his problems w/ b/c they’re the same age and have a history. Adam's death removed this potential confidante, thus leaving Shiro to sort out his issues alone

while I agree that it would have been nice to see Shiro chat w/ a new character he has a history with (esp considering we rly haven’t gotten much backstory on Shiro yet), so much of this argument is simply false

I’ve already mentioned the bullshit that is the vague age gaps, but even if we were to take them into account, there ARE characters who are assumedly at or over Shiro’s age: Coran and Allura. and yeah, Coran is prolly not the best choice in terms of real emotional connection, but Allura? she could prolly fuckin relate. Shiro’s had his body and autonomy violently violated by the Galra, to the point that his original body is now destroyed; Allura has had her culture and people violently violated by the Galra, to the point the her original planet/culture is now destroyed. Shiro is/was a leader to the paladins, and takes their collective failures to heart as his personal failures to his team; Allura is a literal princess to her people, and takes their downfall as a personal reflection of her lack of ability to protect them. their situations obviously shouldn’t be 1:1 conflated, but to say they have no points of relation here is fuckin insulting

but since age gaps like this mean JACK SHIT when it comes simply developing emotional connections and mutual respect, we don’t even need to go so far as to match ages! this is evidenced by actual intimate interactions Shiro has had with the paladins!

the first one that comes to mind even involves antis’ favorite-- Lance! episode 45 (s5): “The White Lion” involved a moment where Shiro approached Lance on his own and opened up abt his mental health, saying he, “didn’t feel like himself.” now it could be argued that this was Shiro’s clone-- not Actual Shiro-- approaching Lance for help. tho I firmly believe that are still true parts of Shiro present in his clone, even if he’s not fully there. the clone is still protective of his team (before his mind is COMPLETELY hijacked, of course), and I believe any connections/loyalty/trust Shiro has towards the paladins is still true for the clone (even if this can, once again, be forcibly overridden). this moment is Shiro-- the part of Actual Shiro that’s present in his clone-- approaching a fellow teammate for help. of course, Lance doesn’t know exactly what to do in this situation, but he at least stays w/ Shiro for support

and then of course there are all the great moments Shiro has w/ Keith that antis want to forget abt. moments where Keith has laid down his health and safety for Shiro, moments where Keith has barred his soul to Shiro, moments where Keith has done everything in his power to reach out to a hurt and struggling Shiro.  moments where Keith has made it ABUNDANTLY fucking clear that he’s here to the bitter end, that he’ll NEVER give up on Shiro. it literally doesn’t fucking matter if u interpret these scenes as platonic or romantic, b/c the fact of the matter is that Shiro and Keith care DEEPLY abt each other in some shape or form. disregarding that is forcibly ignorant. also, we've now confirmed that Keith and Shiro do have a HISTORY back at the Garrison together before all this Voltron nonsense started (even if it isn’t necessarily a romantic history), so Keith also has that leg up

the subtle framing of Shiro as STRICTLY a “guardian” character is also a classic anti tactic, as it implies a sort of pseudo-pedophilic undertone to any Shiro/paladin ships, which is just.... gross and dishonest. yes, he’s canonically a leader to the paladins, and oftentimes takes on a guardian-type role, but once again, he also canonically opens up to other paladins on a mutually respectful/intimate level. there’s nothing in canon that would strictly suggest he’s ONLY a guardian figure-- “space dad” is a fandom interpretation in the same way that framing him as Keith’s lover is a fandom interpretation. neither is more or less 'canon', and it's petty to suggest otherwise

another weird point in that post is the insistence that Shiro is a “tragic gay character”, which is just..... not fucking true, first of all. he’s definitely suffered the most out of any main character, I agree, but he’s GETTING THROUGH IT. he’s been pulled through it by the paladins, and he’s learning to use his own strength to pull through as well. he’s so incredibly fuckin strong and it’s a fuckin shame that ppl don’t see how inspirational he is to those that may be struggling emotionally. plus, he's never suffered BECAUSE he's gay, nor has he ever had a damn HINT of queer-coding until Adam was shoehorned in (which is its own separate problem w/ the show, but it's not a "tragic gay" problem)

but beyond all that is an even more subtle insistence that Shiro has always been a beloved character to ALL in the fandom. antis’ underlying implication that, “hey normies, Shiro-- our beloved Space Dad-- has been given the shit end of the stick, and u should be mad abt it too!” 

as if antis haven’t spent the last several years shitting on Shiro at every turn, saying he’s got “scrambled egg brains” b/c of his ptsd, and other horrific shit. the fact that they can turn around to “defend Shiro’s honor” now that he’s *confirmed queer* (and, initially, confirmed less of a threat to klance due to Adam) and STILL be taken seriously is goddamn terrifying 

like I am literally seeing posts like this-- IN 20FUCKIN18-- that normies are taking at face value and reinforcing:

to any normies reading this: SHIRO AND KEITH AREN'T FUCKING RELATED!! racist antis insist that they have to be related b/c they're both Asian and the second half of their last names (Shirogane and Kogane, respectively) are similar. I'm literally so baffled over how this tactic is ever taken seriously, but who fuckin knows I guess. and if antis are trying to make a case for adoptive siblings, Keith canonically met Shiro by at LEAST his early/mid teens-- LONGGGG past the developmental age of youth where he might latch onto another person as a strictly non-romanceable relative, so. No. fandom is free to interpret Keith and Shiro’s relationship as brotherly, but to say that that is the STRICT and true 'canon' interpretation of their relationship is, once again, fuckin petty and dishonest

just. how fuckin DARE antis act like they give a SINGLE goddamn shit abt Shiro’s emotional needs and trauma after pullin this shit. how fuckin DARE antis misuse real sj issues to appeal to the lowest common denominator in normies, looking for fodder to fuel the flames of hate

so, if I may be so bold as to utilize one of antis' many battlecrys: this discussion does not exist in a vacuum. Adam's shoehorned relationship w/ Shiro is shitty and worth criticism, absolutely. but brushing aside the fandom history driving the resulting uproar-- as if ship wars aren't HUGELY influencing this backlash-- is SUPREMELY fuckin ignorant

antis latched onto Adam HARD when he was first announced, despite all the signs he'd be a side character at best, that he was stated clearly to be Shiro's ex, and having no context for his personality. Adam was antis' newest shield to their ship-- somebody to take Shiro's romantic potential away from Keith, thus leaving Keith open to Lance. Adam's death eliminated that shield, leaving antis reeling-- they couldn't just jump right back into hating Shiro after having showered his newly-christened gay ass w/ praise for all of the Tumblr normies to see. so, their anger was tactically redirected towards Adam's development

there is nothing shocking abt any of this tbh. all antis is the same, and they're all bitter assholes that are completely willing to abuse real sj issues for their own goals. plain and simple.

I don't rly have a proper ending for this. I'll just say that I like s7 a helluva lot, and Adam’s shitty development doesn’t rly phase me? not everyone feels that way, which is valid, I just don’t particularly give a shit abt Adam. I have hope for s8-- esp in terms of potential development for Shiro. since Shiro got such heavy focus in s6, it makes sense that he was pushed to the sidelines a bit this season to leave room for the other characters (Keith, Lance, Commander Holt + Earth stuff in general, etc.) to develop and shine. I've heard rumors that Adam did in fact have more development that was cut, which I'm honestly willing to believe b/c the development we got felt cut short, rather than simply planned that sparsely in the first place. my hope is that s8 will return some focus to Shiro, and possibly slot in some of these cut scenes to bolster a better backstory to their relationship? pure speculation tho, and it doesn't rly excuse Adam's treatment in s7, but it's worth considering

before I completely end off here, I just want to go on one last FINAL tangent: I'm so damn disappointed that everyone is sleeping on kexa (Keith/Acxa)??? if anything it poses MUCH more canon threat to BOTH klance and sheith purely b/c it's 'safely hetero' and b/c the show itself has hinted at potential feelings there (“She’s always been sweet on that one with the flippity hair,” and “Oh look Acxa, it’s your favorite paladin~”). like I haven't seen antis OR sheiths even mention this, it's baffling. the fact that it'll prolly be canon is bittersweet for me: bitter b/c DAMN I love sheith, and sweet b/c damn.... I'm rly diggin kexa....

so the moral of this post is: blease appreciate Keith's beautiful goth gf, she deserves love

thank u and goodbye

[writingdolans]

“Umm... how about that number?” G.D

Hey guys! So I was very excited about writing this request by @danglydolan and well, here it is! I kinda changed the plot a little bit but I just hope I still did it justice haha. Let me know what you think!

Summary: “Grayson meets you for the first time at the pool or beach. He’s all blushy and shy but still tries to ask for your number” 

Warnings: None

Words: 2,000 words

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and usually I would still be curled up in my bed, dreaming my third or fourth dream right about now. So why was I up this early you might ask? Well… because it is simply impossible to sleep while living in a war zone between both your parents. As soon as the screaming picked up right where it left off the night before, I ran out of there as fast as I could and went to the one place where I always ended up in times like these; the beach. 

The beach has always been my sanctuary, my getaway whenever things got bad; and I guess I’ve already established that things at home were pretty bad. I was tired of hearing about how unhappy they were with one another, how they wished they had never gotten married, how they even wished they didn’t have something tying them to one another; and that something was me. Till this day, I don’t think they know I heard that argument, or maybe they do and they just didn’t care…

But, the beautiful sound of the waves crashing, the smell of salt from the water, the sun shining brightly on my face, these were the little things that relaxed me when I needed it most. 

I must have walked and walked for hours, clearly deep in thought, because I hadn’t realized how many more people were at the beach now. I sighed and kept walking, trying to find a more secluded area away from all these people, when all of a sudden; I was knocked to the ground by what felt like a solid wall. 

You’ve got to be kidding me…

“I’m so sorry!”

As I tried pushing myself up, I felt someone grab a hold of my arms to help me get back on my feet. I looked up and saw a guy about my age looking down at me. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

“I’m fine” I answered before I wiped the sand off my shorts and kept walking. 

I heard him yell he’d be right back to someone before jogging up to where I was. “Look I really am sorry” 

“Yeah, you said that already” I said as I kept walking. 

“I’m Grayson by the way” He said as he stepped right in front of me with a smile on his face. He began walking backwards once he saw I had no intention of stopping to talk. “Let me buy you something… t-to make it up to you, you know?” he asked as a light shade of pink filled his cheeks.

“I think I’ll pass, thanks for the offer though” I said as I tried to step around him but had no luck since he blocked my path yet again. 

“Come on, please? I feel really bad” 

“Really? For a second I thought you were trying to hit on me and looking for a way to ask me out” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

I felt bad for being so rude to the guy when he was just trying to be nice, but I wanted peace and quiet and he wasn’t letting me get it; plus, the look on his face once I said that was priceless. He looked like a fish out of water, opening and closing his mouth, not knowing what to say. 

“W-what? No I was just- er… I felt bad for knocking you down and I-I just wanted to make it up to you” he said, his cheeks growing redder as he talked.

“Look, I just want to go somewhere private and peaceful okay? Plus, don’t you have people over there waiting for you? You should just go back” 

“They can wait,” he said smiling, “And okay, you want to go somewhere private and peaceful? I know the perfect place, at least let me take you” 

I narrowed my eyes at him as he looked at me with a hopeful expression on his face. “You’re not going to give up are you?” 

He shook his head, “No, and I don’t know how you said no this many times. I usually don’t have to beg girls for anything” he said with a confused look on his face.

“Wow, so pushy and conceited” I teased. 

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like-” he stuttered and I couldn’t help but laugh at his shyness. He ended up laughing too and I swear, it was the most beautiful and contagious laugh I had ever heard. Snap out of it Y/N!

“Okay let’s get going” he said once his laughter died down. I nodded and saw him jog over to a small group of guys to tell them he was leaving before we began heading to his “secret” location. 

The whole way there, we got to know each other a little more but I chose not to tell him why I had been upset earlier, even though he had asked. We even played a small game of I spy, which I said no to at first because I thought it would be too childish, but it was actually really fun and it took my mind off of everything at home. 

Once we got there, I noticed we were on top of a beautiful waterfall. The view from up here was absolutely breathtaking, the trees, the water, everything was absolutely beautiful. And the best part was that it was only the two of us here, nobody else around to bother us. 

All of a sudden, I see Grayson remove his shirt and it took my whole attention away from the breathtaking view we had right in front of us. I had to admit, this guy looked like he was sculpted by the gods. He looked about my age, had the most beautiful hazel-brown eyes I had ever seen, short and yet wavy brown hair that you just wanna run your hands through, the sharpest jawline to ever exist, the cutest freckle on his chin, the most delicious looking plump pink lips, everything about him was perfect.

It wasn’t until I heard him say “hey you okay?” as he waved his hand in front of my face, that I realized I had zoned out this entire time and full on stared at him. I let out a groan and hoped he hadn’t noticed I was checking him out.

“U-uh yeah… yeah! Just admiring the view” I said as I stepped around him to keep looking at the water from up here. 

“Okay, well I had asked you if you were coming down with me but you never answered” he said with an excited look on his face, it was adorable. 

“Yeah! what way do we go?” I said as I walked to the edges, looking for a path down. 

He chuckled and walked over to the edge with me, “that way,” he said as he pointed down to the water. “We’re diving right in” 

“NO” I said as I shook my head profusely, “No way Jose. NOPE! I am not jumping in there!” 

I saw him start giggling at my outburst and it almost made me crack a smile, but I needed him to take me serious. I was NOT jumping down there. 

“Come on, you can hold my hand if you want” he offered, the light shade of pink growing on his cheeks once again. 

For a second, I actually considered it, but then my smile grew as I spotted something a little further down. “Go ahead and jump, I’ll meet you down there” I said as I started climbing down a rocky path. 

“Where are y-”

“Just go Grayson!” I interrupted, and a few seconds later, I saw him fly past me and fall into the water. I waited a few seconds until I saw him resurface, and boy was that an even better view. I bit my lip as I watched him push his dripping hair back, water running down his chiseled chest. 

“Are you coming or what?” he yelled, snapping me out of my thoughts. I nodded and went over to a rope that was tied to a tree nearby. “Are you jumping in with your clothes on?”

“Yes! I’m not about to strip and be half naked in front of you Grayson!” I yelled back, leaning back a little before jumping into the air and letting go of the rope, falling into the water. 

Once I resurfaced, I saw him with his head held back and his eyes closed, his boisterous laugh being the only sound that surrounded us besides that of the waterfall. “How was it??” he asked excitedly once his laughter died down. 

“It was amazing!” I felt adrenaline still running throughout my body and I honestly had not felt this good in such a long time. I suddenly found myself wrapping my arms around Grayson’s neck as I pulled him close, “Thank you Grayson” 

I could tell I took him by surprise since he tensed up a little at first, but then I felt him loosen up a little and wrap both arms around my waist. “It’s no problem, I’m just glad you’re not all grouchy anymore” 

“I was not grouchy!” I retorted but then gave in once he gave me the “are you kidding me” look. “Okay fine, maybe I was. But it’s because… I was already having a bad day and it was barely the morning. All my parents do lately is fight and I was fed up with it already”

He nodded and gave me a sympathetic smile, “No I get it. But hey, don’t think about it anymore. I like you better when you’re smiling” 

Now it was my turn to have the pink shade growing on my cheeks, “Okay Mr. Cheesy Pants, thank you.”

He rolled his eyes and threw some water at me, “Why do you have to ruin it?” 

“Ruin what?” I asked with a laugh as I threw some water back at him. 

“Never mind,” he said, shaking his head. “You know, I never got your name…” 

“Uh-huh, and what makes you think you’re getting it?” I teased, a smirk plastered on my face. 

“Oh come on, just tell me. What’s your name?” he whined. 

“Fine! It’s Y/N” I confessed and rolled my eyes at the satisfied look on his face. 

“Y/N” he repeated, and I swear it sounded so much better when it came out from his mouth. “I’m actually feeling pretty lucky right now since I got you to give me your name so easily” 

“Oh yeah? Well what else do you want?” I asked, my stomach feeling a little sick because of how nervous I was suddenly getting. 

“Well… umm… how about that number?” he asked and groaned as soon as the words left his mouth. “That sounded so much better in my head…”

I couldn’t help but giggle at how embarrassed he looked. It made my heart melt and all I wanted was to give it to him, but I was going to wait a little longer just to torture him. 

“W-what I meant was, I really wanna take you out. O-only if you wa-”

“Yes” I interrupted, taking him out of his misery. 

“Yes? Yes to what?” he asked looking confused. 

“Yes to both” I said as I swam closer to him. “Yes you can have my number and yes I’ll go out with you” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck once again. 

I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and pull me against his body once again as a smile filled his face. I rested my head on his chest and smiled to myself as he began telling me about other places like this that he wanted to take me to. I couldn’t help but think about how this day had begun as probably one of the worst but ended up being one of the best days of my life; all thanks to Grayson.  

hope you enjoyed!

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #9: "we're here for the messy bitch game play right" - Annabelle

Tribal was f*ckin wild. Like didnt see that coming and Nicole we literally never talked so dont come for me. 👏

So far Nicole’s attempt hasnt affected anything. And plus Sharky took more of the heat and more blood on his hand and I did for coming up with the Nicole vote. Like im scream team to the end but like it works better for me if people dont see me as a huge threat right now unlike Sharky. I think i might be in a good spot and with an advatage with this immunity hopefully i can win.

Well... I refuse to be booboo the fool right now. I have conflicting information currently about who voted me so guess what? I am not gonna trust anyone LMAO. Everyone is denying and pointing the fingers at others and its fucking pissing me off. Like just own up to voting me so i can have a clear target my fucking god. Like goodbye see you soon!

from my confessional cause i just went off in it LOL about the last tribal: i know brian and sharky did not vote me nate and bryce are being fishy maynor seems non exsistant keaton is literally opening his big mouth and getting himself in more trouble i trust anna enough and nick thinks he is "iconic" for an idol play like boi con-fucking-gratulations that you can do something many have done before you

Like, im so done with these people, just let me play my idol in peace smh

So I basically threw this challenge. I just put myself for most of the positives and I put Keaton for most of the negatives. With a few random answers sprinkled in. I get so nervous about really trying on Touchy Subjects because Im worried about revealing my alliances and stuff. This way I just look cocky. And Keaton and I are already on bad terms so me putting him for the negatives might piss him off but probably not anyone else. Ugh

ok so me snapping and voting matt is really annoying KJFHDSAKJFDHS idk why i did that! i was crazy back then... so current thinking is that me/matt/keaton voted matt. and then nicole did keaton and everyone else did nicole. i dont think anyone suspects me but like they woudlnt tell me if they do FJKASDHFKJ apparently matt thinks that nathan did it and anna thinks that it was keaton and maynor and im just like :| FSAJDHFKD. also this comp is about to ruin me like my answers are def gonna make ppl hate me and plus i wrote myself for some good ones which i never do but idk im just really feeling myself so cant wait for the crushing weight of reality to knock me down a peg or two when i get like "next voted out" "doesnt deserve to be here" AFJKSDFHKAJ but maybe not... anyways i recently got obsessed with shakira again like.. im thriving

https://i.imgur.com/5o6sz3j.png when i tell u i screamed JKDFASHKJAD

Okay so Touchy Subjects ALWAYS blows up my game. Like I got all the ones that make people target you. Running the Game. Biggest Snake. Physical Threat. I even somehow managed to get "Trust the Most" and "Best Liar". HOW!? And now I'm super worried because if I wasn't on everybody's radar before I sure am now. And I have no idea who I can trust after those rogue Matt votes. I even feel slightly sketched out by Nick. He's acting...weird. And he keeps telling everyone there is a war between me and Keaton. Which I guess is sort of true because Keaton is throwing my name out there. And obviously I would rather him go. 

everyone is so extra JKDAHSKFJ matt making a post about how the ppl who are lying and saying they didnt vote him are personally effecting him are terrible like.. ok sorry for not exposing myself get over it u got 3 votes one of which were ur own and maybe if u were more active and didnt reply with one word responses no matter how hard i tried to get u to speak i wouldnt have thrown the vote on u. im just like so over his entitledness that ppl confess to him like who do u think u are KJFHADKJFDH. i feel like maybe im being too mean so if matt reads this after the game im sure ur just in ur feelings or w/e and u did say u had personal stuff going on but like thats not an excuse to go on tirades in the tribe chat when no one but u cares.

keaton is the worst person ive ever met (and i know zach :s) weird of him to choose white ppl saying the n word as his hill to die on but um i got the cannon ready to aim and hes going :airplane: to jury.

OK, so basically Annabelle wins immunity!  Good for her, but she's literally not doing enough for me to feel beyond happy for her kjHD... like she's nice and I like her, but at the end of the day, I really don't think she's doing much to propel herself and she's just getting kinda lucky... considering the first and now second immunity have been somewhat luck based... ya....

Keaton's the name being thrown into the mix already (it's only 9:11pm), and I really am fine with that this time around!  I like him, but I think he's just someone who can easily go now and it not be bad for me in the future.  He's already thrown out Sharky's name and basically called out Sharky to his face, so I'm kinda shaking in my booties.  As long as it ain't me, I'm happy enough to listen, but I just don't want any big surprises like the Matt votes, again.

Sharky has been thrown out as the biggest threat in this game right now, and while I think it's very apparent to everyone, I can't have him going anywhere right now.  No fucking way.  I love the shark man.  He's my favorite... he cannot go anywhere... I need him!!  So buh-fucking-bye, Keaton!  I may like you, but it's not enough to keep you.

Keaton is trash.

Let me elaborate on my previous confessional. So first Keaton tries to call me out for mentioning his name which I didn't do (I did admit to it to save the drama so thats partially on me) but he tries to call me out in public after the vote. Gross. Then after the challenge he starts gunning for me hard. He wants to claim I was doing the same but I wasn't gunning for him very hard. Because i didn't care if he went. He wasn't an ally but he wasn't a threat either. until he started trying to tear me down. Also let's be clear this all started because EVERYONE thinks he's rude and annoying. Then he tries to come for me in pms calling me out for spreading lies. Which again I NEVER DID. So I straightened him out on that. Then he tries to do the "If I don’t get you out now I never will and then we all lose." which is BULLSHIT. Don't get mad and angry with me just because I'm playing better than you. CHILDISH. Then in the tribe chat he says "As a player he can burn. As a person he's enjoyable." IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE HIM!? First of saying I can burn makes me want to really drag him. Also bro you and i don't talk you don't know shit about me as a person. You did that just to feed this "Feud" thats going on. STFU. Bye. Whichever one of us goes I'm glad I won't have to talk to his KIRBY LOOKING ASS anymore. I wish Marie had stayed.

Okay I can't lie I'm super nervous about this vote. I just don't trust anyone. I'm talking to Annabelle now and was like "I'm down to vote for anybody" because I'm not sure where she's at and I want her to know I am a vote for her.

Well. Good thing is that i wasnt dragged with with what Nicole said which is good with me. I didnt get any touchy subject which is also great. My two best allies Sharky and Keaton both did which means they’ll be targeted before I do. Which is awesome. Me and Nathan dont want to see Keaton go so we got Annabell and Bryce to be with us for a 5 person voting block thats going after Matt. Thats right, Matt is going home. Keaton plan was to try and distract Sharky and fight with him and have both of their names on the chopping block. This means that Matt wont see this blindside happening. And if Sharky has an idol, he’ll waste it cuz he won’t be getting any votes. Its gonna sbe wild af. Be ready.

Its been very quiet this morning. The plan has been set so im hoping that nothing else shatters the plan. The idol search doesnt like me as it likes Nick. Only thing i found was an advantage for next immunity which was an extra point butnit was touchy subject so i kinda threw it cuz said my name for the ones i felt where really bad. And i want to give a shout out for host Drew. You are an amazing and cool person.

OK, so Nathan has been going behind me and Sharky's back to target Matt... and I'm just shook to my fucking core.... bless Annabelle's big heart for telling Sharky because it gave us some room to snap hard.  I know Matt has an idol, and I cannot wait for him to pull it out at tribal.  I think that Nathan is thinking very short term and thinking him not telling me and Sharky is just some move he can make on his own, but as the Touchy Subjects' results showed us, Nathan thinks he's running the game but Sharky is actually doing it.  Getting this info... what a fucking legend...

Annabelle doesn't want to be screwed because of this whole situation so Sharky wants to avoid voting Nathan out but I lowkey don't care.  Nathan keeping me out of the conversation makes me lose all trust in him.  I know I'm not the target, but it doesn't change the fact that he's trying to run the game behind my back.  It's not going to work, sir.  It won't.

Ok... I'm angry, but I'm going to have to control that anger and turn it into making the best decision for my game and that will be to work with Matt and Sharky till the end.

Brace yourself this is going to be a LONG ONE. So last night I basically went to Anna and tried to save my ass because I really haven't been sure how genuine our alliance was because of our history together. She basically kept saying she was in a tough spot and this and that and so I outright asked her if she was considering voting for me. And she was like absolutely not. Which is such a relief. HOWEVER! She confesses that Nathan has created a secret plan to vote out Matt. He specifically told everyone not to tell me and Brian about it. EXCUSE ME? Aren't we in an alliance dude? So thats really pisses me off. But supposedly they have the majority for this plan. So that means I don't have to worry about myself as much. But I don't want Matt to go. Especially after this proved that he's one of the only ones I trust. So I'm thinking out of 9 votes we have 3 we can maybe use the steal a vote or something to try and get a majority. CUT TO THIS MORNING. I tell Brian about this secret plan and Brian tells me Matt has a freakin idol!!! So now we can use his idol and even if there are 5 votes left Matt/Brian/Myself control that vote then. Now the tough part...I need the vote to stay on Keaton because if it goes to anybody else Anna is going to think I screwed her over. And I promised her that her telling me wouldn't bite her in the ass. I also need this to stay TOP SECRET because if anyone finds out I leaked the plan they are going to come after me and I love Matt but I don't want to destroy my game to save him. So we need to have Matt use his idol and all 3 of us need to vote for Keaton.

God these people. I am VERY sure I am getting votes tonight and it's ok. Why? Cause I have an idol fuck these cunts. If not the WOOO love a minority!

i'm playing a super dangerous game right now but it's ok hopefully it works out we're here for the messy bitch game play right and i also just like play better in chaos so let's keep it that way once the game gets boring people will think of me.

Y'all I'm feeling real shitty about this week. I still feel super in danger. i feel like everyone is lying to my face. But I'm also worried for Matt. Luckily he has an idol so he'll be safe but the fact that he's catching votes at all is concerning. I hope it's Keaton going out but you just truly never know. This could be my time.

So it seems Matt might be an option for the vote but the questions I have are: Do I trust Matt enough to tell him he’s getting votes? Am I willing to make an early move? How will this will effect me moving forward? And when thinking between Keaton and Matt... I think I know my decision…

The shit hit the fan. Somehow Nick knows the hidden real plan that it was going to be Matt tonight. Keaton keeps lying to Bryce that he’s doing Sharky but Bryce is the number we have to have majority over Matt. Keaton is being sketchy kinda. Hopefully the plan goes according and Matt goes because last time he was doing a witch hunt for those 2 votes. Im going to be drinking at tribal tonight. Shit is too stressful.

Keaton is idoled out in a 6-3 vote.

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

OK!!! saint-loup. it is saint-loup o’clock. i do not have these thoughts well formulated so this might get kinda long n messy but i promised myself i’d Talk This Out w/ myself on this reading, so. icee straw kazoo.

ok so saint-loup is the narrator’s friend tho like... to the extent this term is applicable in friendships m’s kinda The Unrequiter, often exhibits w/out expressly saying that he feels kinda guilty for Using Him or at least for like. not being able to match the energy saint-loup brings to the relationship. in fact the main thing he consistently notices in saint-loup is energy, strength. but also solicitude! which combination to me seems weird? i’m fond of saint-loup but he makes me uncomfortable, i think bc while, on one hand, his slightly sophomoric intellectualism and nervous quickness and tendency to be officiously solicitous*--which 3 traits m associates w/ saint-loup’s ability to assimilate quickly (3.98, 153)--all remind me of me, and also of many people i’ve known, but then...? on the other hand, i have never seen those traits (esp. solicitude) in a strong person; saint-loup is passive-aggressive and i have only ever observed that demeanor in weak people--most of them sick, bats and/or non-men; certainly not in a straight-passing man (as saint-loup does at this time) if he’s also healthysane--since passive-aggression is so. roundabout, and mind-over-matter &c. like. all the things i have in common w/ saint-loup are traits i’ve developed because i’m not a man, not straight, not neurotypical, not strong, u know? and certainly these traits are ones people like me are supposed to dislike in ourselves, but i find that recognizing them in someone usually makes me more comfortable around them, because... well, you know. because the ways in which we’d be likely to hurt each other are basically the same?

meanwhile early in volume 3 you get this scene where saint-loup introduces m to a bunch of his friends, all adorably over-eager to Show Off m’s intellect, make sure he makes a good impression, and

“No? You don’t agree about Stendhal?” he went on, with a naïve confidence in my judgment which found expression in a charming, smiling, almost childish glance of interrogation from his green eyes. “Oh, good! I see you’re on my side. ... The Chartreuse is after all a stunning work, don’t you think? I’m so glad you agree with me. What is it you like best in the Chartreuse? Answer me,” he urged with boyish impetuosity. And the menace of his physical strength made the question almost terrifying. (136)

N.B. THO that here and elsewhere m fuckin glories in that strength. here, for example:

My departure depressed me less when I was no longer obliged to think of it alone, when I felt that the more normal and healthy exertions of my energetic friends, of Robert’s brothers-in-arms, were being applied to what was to be done (179)

but also, before we even GET to rachel:

“I’m furiously jealous,” Saint-Loup said to me, half laughing, half in earnest, alluding to the interminable conversations apart which I had been having with his friend. “Is it because you find him more intelligent than me? Do you like him better than me? Ah, well, I suppose he’s everything now, and no one else is to have a look in!” (Men who are enormously in love with a woman, who live in a society of woman-lovers, allow themselves pleasantries which others, seeing less innocence in them, would never dare to contemplate.) (153)

idk, like. i’ve had multiple people talk that way to me? but i possess what almost seems like an “only we can say it” sentiment about it--only people who don’t pass for straight men, maybe, or only weak people, neurotics. and saint-loup has that entire demeanor he seems to think he’s entitled to it as an intellectual or maybe just picks it up from m and rachel but it’s weird on people whose intellectualism does not compensate for frailty of body and/or “willpower,” idk. he does the fuckin... what do i mean, um. OH!--i associate his flirtatious self-deprecation w/ the thing women do in victorian books and in old movies; the thing lizaveta nikolaevna does in demons when she asks what’s his face whether he’d still wanna hang if she broke her leg. and possibly i’m wrong to see saint-loup’s comments as the outpost of a similar thing? but

“You know,” I said, “I did come to say good-bye to you the day I left Doncières. I’ve never had a chance to mention it. I waved to you in the street.”

“Don’t speak about it,” he replied, “I was so sorry. I passed you just outside the barracks, but I couldn’t stop because I was late already. I assure you I felt quite wretched about it.” (233)

haha yeah no i don’t think i’m wrong. so maybe it’s like the last few days’ irritation at hearing my mom employ the detached, bodily-self-contemptuous infodump tone i often use irl to talk about My Limitations--sitting like i do then, w/ that buzzardy hunch as though to tell a secret, and w/ the same aporetic expression--without having also to euphemize, circumlocute, pause and screw up her face and twist her wrist around for long intervals, blushing, trying to think of a less self-flattering [vulnerable] word for what she means, like i would in that situation. but i think it’s... also that i’m uncomfortable on m’s and rachel’s behalf? that in order not to intimidate or seem to condescend he adopts a piece of their demeanor that makes him look harmless. because like. another way in which saint-loup attempts to Regain His Dignity (or at least vent frustration) during his fight w/ rachel is that when the journalist w/ the cigar refuses to put it out, um,

“Would you mind, sir, throwing away your cigar? The smoke is bad for my friend.” [...]

“There’s no rule against smoking that I know of,” said the journalist. “If people aren’t well, they have only to stay at home.” [...]

“In any case, sir, you are not very civil,” observed Saint-Loup to the journalist, still in a mild and courteous tone, with the air of appraisal of a man judging retrospectively the rights and wrongs of an incident that is already closed. (239-40)

and see THIS IS ME this is exactly how i act when i’m angry at someone in public (incl. or maybe esp. if that someone is myself ha), fuckin carrying on another conversation in the background as proof ur Still Sane, BUT THEN

[A]fter the courteous words that he had just uttered, he brought down his hand with a resounding smack upon the journalist’s cheek. (240)

AND LIKE?? i don’t think this would creep me out nearly so much if the pretext (tho obv not the reason) for it weren’t. an ableist comment. “If people aren’t well, they have only to stay at home.” but i’ve more than once gotten angry w/ someone, chewed someone out, for saying something ableist to my friend (tho in the case that comes to mind the comment could be applied to me as well), and in my experience that kind of vicarious anger is?? because you know your friend’s upset about it but don’t know what to say to help them, so you resent the perp for showing you your own impotence, for distracting your and your friend’s attention from more important things w/ their needless judgmental bs. and THAT makes sense here? but without those other layers--of 1. “this insult implicates me also” and 2. “you have upset my friend and therefore obliged me to Avenge them since i don’t know how to make them feel better”--it’s... weird. it’s just so Not His Fight i guess, and. i’ve actually written a similar scene, too? in which case some of the interest was in like... the assumption by stronger people that we’ll be flattered to see them use their greater strength in defense of Our Honor, when. no, saint-loup; that’s a nonsensical n paternalistic pretext to vent ur own unrelated anger? m neither needs nor wants a healthy person to punish ableists’ contempt of his ill health? and in fact it’s embarrassing in the first place when ppl respond to our not making a fuss by making the fuss for us?? blugh! i don’t know. i can point out so many gross things about this but still am not satisfied i have identified The Thing About It that makes me so uncomfortable; maybe it’s just because at the same time i do understand both m’s fetishistic admiration of saint-loup’s strength and aristocratic solicitude and saint-loup’s paternalism itself. i’ve been on both sides, tho without the... punching. thing, ha. on that note:

Now that to the measured conversations of the diplomats, to the smiling arts of peace, had succeeded the furious onthrust of war, since blows lead to blows, I should not have been surprised to see the combatants wading in one another’s blood. ... Fortunately the journalist who, staggering back from the violence of the blow, had turned pale and hesitated for a moment, did not retaliate. (240-1)

M OH MY GOD ur purely academic understanding of How Fights Work! sees a guy 2 whose general opinion on violence he defers punch someone n is just like “well, shit, this is it, we’re all gonna die” fdlahgsdf ur......my favorite, and also, same, but possibly this is a mistake we both oughta quit making. Fuckin Liberals &c. &c.

*appropriate since he’s a sergeant!! but what i mean is e.g. when rachel (his gf w/ whom he needs to break up) makes him feel small in public saint-loup will then try to get back some dignity by turning to m like “You oughtn’t to stand about in the cigar smoke like that, it’ll make you ill” (3.237). it’s like what i said yesterday about my own solicitude--that it’s about liking to feel useful, liking for there to be a subject on which you know what to say. but it’s jarring to me to see this sense of return to familiar ground detached from same-feeling--to see the “useless person’s dream come true” phenomenon in a situation where saint-loup has no obvious reason to consider himself an expert other than his general aristocratic + busybodyish(!!!) tendency to anticipate people’s interests, to want to Know Everything about his friends.